January 27, 2014

Inspiration

As with my other Faith short, I was obsessed with her character on the show. I wrote this after she pushed Elizabeth down the stairs, sparing us a LiRic baby.

Timeline

This is set in late May 2003 after Faith pushed Elizabeth down the stairs, leading to her miscarriage. Faith targeted Elizabeth on several occasions, hoping to win Ric for herself.

Banner

All alone I didn’t like the feeling
All alone I sat and cried

For the first time since her husband died, she thought she might have found someone.

Someone who challenged her. Who felt the same burning need she did.

To take what Sonny Corinthos held dear and destroy it. Because he’d destroyed both their worlds without a second glance.

He’d taken Ric’s mother from him.

He’d taken her husband from her.

Mickey Roscoe had been her whole world. Her entire reason for breathing, for waking in the morning.

The reason she wasn’t another statistic.

All alone I had to find some meaning
In the center of the pain I felt inside

He’d saved her from a life on the streets at age seventeen Until the moment she’d met Michael “Mickey” Roscoe, her life had been a series of bad dreams and nightmarish events.

From her molesting and rapist father—whom she’d killed at age fifteen—to the mother who’d never really seen her, never really cared about her.

She didn’t remember pulling the trigger when she’d killed her father. She just remembered he’d come to her bedroom and she knew he wanted to rape her. Again.

Like he had for the past five years.

And she couldn’t take it anymore.

She’d shot him. And she’d decided that no man had the right to tell her what to do and would never hold that power again.

All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die

Mickey had understood that and she’d thought Ric had, too. She thought Ric understood why Sonny had to pay. He’d stolen their families, their worlds.

She’d been pregnant when Sonny had Mickey killed and she’d lost the child only months later. There’d been no one tell—no one to help her grieve. She’d channeled all her anger, all her misery into one goal.

Destroying Sonny.

And Ric should have seen that. He should have understood.

But he didn’t, not anymore. Not since that excruciatingly lame waitress had managed to trap him into a marriage.

But she needed Ric back. And she’d only begun to understand why.

Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by

For the first time since Mickey had died, she’d been able to envision the future. She’d seen a good one, too. When Sonny was gone, she and Ric would have his empire and they’re rule with an iron fist.

It was a dream she’d cultivated for months, and now she understood why she needed Ric with her.

Because she’d fallen in love with him.

And when she loved someone, it was with her whole entire body and soul. And she’d been unable to accept the fact that he didn’t love her back.

I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves

Sex was cheap. Sex was easy. She had the looks, the body, the charm. She could get it when she wanted it. She’d been able to goad Ric into one night, hadn’t she?

But Ric was hung up on that twit—especially now that she was pregnant. He’d never leave her now. Not while he had the chance at a family.

Mickey had always told her to go after what she wanted and to make no apologies for her methods. Mickey had been a wonderful person with potential—someone who could have run Port Charles far better than Sonny ever could.

I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave

So she felt no remorse for tossing the little Webber angel down the steps. The girl had survived, hadn’t she?

She’d seen a threat and sought to remove it. Elizabeth’s pregnancy threatened her dream, her fantasy.

And threats were removed. That was the first rule in this business. Threats couldn’t be tolerated.

All alone I heal this heart of sorrow
All alone I raise this child

Sometimes she compared Ric and Mickey, and Ric always came up short. Not because he didn’t love her—she thought that maybe even if he did, it would never measure up to Mickey.

Mickey had known her—known her inside and out and he’d loved her anyway. He knew her father had molested her—that he’d worked his way up to rape. He knew she’d killed him and had sold her body to survive.

He’d known the deepest darkest blackest parts of her heart and he’d loved her anyway. Unconditional love was new to her, something she’d never experienced before.

Something she’d never have again.

Flesh and bone, he’s just
Bursting towards tomorrow

Ric, even if she could convince him to love her, would never know her like that. He could ask where the scars came from and maybe she’d be able to tell him, but she’d never cry herself to sleep in his arms because of it.

She’d never let him see one of her tantrums, one of her breakdowns. She’d never let him see one of her nightmares, where she woke up sweating, feeling dirty and clammy hands covering her body.

Because even if he did love her, she had a feeling that her past wouldn’t be good enough for him. And even if it was, he’d never really understand.

And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile
All alone I came into this world

But he was the first man since Mickey that she’d even considered a future with. And that had to mean something. Didn’t it?

He’d leave the little girl eventually when he started to feel suffocated by having to suppress his feelings of rage.

He’d come back to her and together, they’d finally destroy Sonny.

Ric would do it for his father, for the mother he’d never known.

And she would do it for the family that’d been ripped from her and the dreams that Sonny had crushed.

All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby

And maybe when she finally had Ric, she could stop missing her husband.

She could stop loving him.

Sand and water, and a million years gone by

Inspiration

This was a sequel to Please Remember, and I only write it because I was so excited by the amount of replies I got at The Canvas (50!). Everyone wanted a sequel, and I thought this was my ticket to fame (I was 18, be kind, LOL), and so I wrote this. And then no one really read it. Also, the song I used has been sooo hard to find. It was like scrubbed from YouTube and Spotify, and I finally found it on Vimeo. It was one of the solo songs the Backstreet Boys individually sang at their shows.

Timeline

Takes place directly after Please Remember.

Banner

He stands in front of the mirror and stares at himself. He can no longer recognize the person he’s become.

He feels her hands at his throat. “Jesus, did you tie this thing yourself?” Carly grumbles as she unties the silk fabric and redoes the bow.

He brushes her hands away. “Lay off, Carly,” he says quietly. Jason Morgan is getting married today—it’s his second marriage and he still doesn’t love the woman he’s about to wed.

He and Courtney had come together in a time of mutual despair and grief. She’d been thrown by her husband’s betrayal and Jason was desperate to feel anything at time when nothing colored his bleak world.

He stares at himself in the mirror and he wonders when his life became this. When he’d lost sight of who he was and what he wanted. Was it the day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his penthouse and took the color with her?

Was it the day he kissed a woman he barely knew and didn’t even like all that much in the rain? When he married a woman he couldn’t stand and pretended to love her?

All of those days counted—but the day that mattered the most—the day he really realized how deep a hole he’d dug himself—

The day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his life forever.

She’d left town shortly after their goodbye and hadn’t left a forwarding address. She’d felt no need. Their goodbye was done and their time together had ended. He’d briefly flirted with the idea of trying to find her but what good would that do? So he could know exactly how happy she was?

I tried to pick the pieces up
And I can’t think of starting over

Carly sighs loudly. “Honestly, Jason. You could at least pretend you’re excited,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You’re getting married.”

“Carly,” Jason says. She ignores him and moves around to his back, looking at him over his shoulder in the mirror and straightening his tuxedo jacket. “Carly,” he says again. She meets his eyes in the mirror and frowns.

Had Jason always looked this sad?

“What?” she asks, shoving the thought to the deepest part of her mind.

“I don’t love her,” Jason says quietly. “You know that, don’t you?”

Carly shakes her head. “Jason, don’t be silly—”

“Carly. I don’t love her,” Jason says again. “I’m only marrying her because she’s pregnant.”

“That’s nonsense,” Carly murmurs. She steps in front of him to fasten his vest securely. “You dated her for nearly seven months. You have to feel something for her.”

“I care about her,” Jason admits. “But I’ll never love her.”

“You could learn to love her,” Carly says. She takes a step back and straightens lapels of his jacket.

“Carly, would you just stop being Sonny’s wife and Courtney’s sister-in-law and listen to me for a second?” he asks, not able to control the biting tone of his voice. Carly looks up at him, her eyes sad.

“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I don’t mean to dismiss your feelings like that.”

“I know,” Jason replies. “But will you listen to me when I tell you that I don’t love Courtney and I never will?”

We used to share the stars above
I don’t wanna think it changed

“Jason, you can’t shut yourself away from the world,” Carly tells him. “I know it’s been a tough year, but you never gave Courtney a chance to win you over.” She gives him a small smile. “I’m not blind, you know. Sometimes I’d just rather pretend I don’t see things.”

She sighs and steps away from him, crossing to the bedroom door of his penthouse. She opens it and peeks down the hall to ensure no one is there. When she’s satisfied, she closes the door and turns to him. “It’s her, isn’t it?”

Jason’s brow creases in a frown. “What?”

“Elizabeth Webber.” For once, the scathing and insulting tone is absent from Carly’s voice when she speaks of the other woman. “It’s her you’ve loved all along and nothing will ever change that.”

Jason stares at her for a few moments before nodding. “I will always love Elizabeth.”

For the first time in forever, Carly doesn’t launch into an explanation about why Elizabeth was never right for him and why he’s better off without her. Instead she sighs. “Then why did you ever let her get away?”

“She wanted to go,” Jason replies simply. “And now she’s gone and I have no idea where she went. She doesn’t need me, Carly.” He lifts his shoulders in a simple shrug. “And Courtney does.”

Carly sighs and looks away. She runs her finger along the mahogany dresser. “She lived here for only a month,” she says. “And I grew to respect her. Because I could see that she cared about you. The day I told her Sonny was dead, she was so worried about you, Jason. She couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t come home and why you never called. I knew. I knew why you were doing it. I didn’t agree but it wasn’t my place to judge you.”

She looks up and meets his eyes. “You couldn’t face her. And by the time you could, you’d convinced yourself you didn’t deserve her or her love. And you let her walk out. And you were surprised when she wouldn’t come back when you made half-ass attempts to get her back.”

She paused and studied him for a second. “Tell me, Jason, did you ever tell her that you were sorry for leaving her in this penthouse for days on end without word—without even a simple telephone call? Did you ever tell her how you felt?”

Jason shakes his head slowly. “No,” he tells her. “I never did.”

She nods, as if she expected his answer. “You have two choices, Jason.”

And now I gotta move on
I’ve gotta catch up to the world

“You can go downstairs and leave this building to go the church. You can wait down at the end of the aisle for Courtney. You can marry her and raise your child with her—a child, Jason, that I know you’ve wondered if it is even yours. You can do that and be miserable the rest of your life.”

She takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m even suggesting this. Sonny would disown me,” she mutters under her breath. “Or you can get out of the monkey suit and decide what it is you want from your life. Do you want to be Sonny’s errand-boy the rest of your life? Do you want to live a life where you come home to a woman you don’t love and never will?”

“Or do you want to go and find out if there’s hope for your own happiness after all?” Carly finishes with a heavy sigh.

Jason looks down at his tuxedo-clad body. “Why are you doing this, Carly?” he asks.

She steps forward and touches his face. “Jason—I know I’m not always very grateful for what you’ve done for me and I guess we could chalk that up me being selfish.” She chuckles. “And we both know I might be the most selfish woman alive.”

Jason just shakes his head. “Carly—”

“No,” she says, holding up her hand. “Let me finish. You took care of my son—loved him like he was your own—simply because I asked you to. I know how much that decision wrecked your life, but Jason, trust me, Robin wasn’t right for you. I don’t know—maybe she was once upon a time. But—” She sighs. “You did it anyway. You did everything in your power to make sure I always had Michael—even when I betrayed your trust and slept with Sonny. Jason—you have been the best friend a girl could ask for and what have I given you lately? A lot of grief. I know I pushed you into this decision. Sonny and I both did, and I apologize. I know I never let up on Elizabeth and I’m sorry for that as well.” She gives him a sheepish smile. “In all honesty, I was afraid she’d take you from me. That she would replace me in your life.”

“Carly—”

“I know. I know, it was stupid and I should have known better. And I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so very sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”

He takes a step towards her and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Carly, I don’t hold any of that against you. I did this to myself. It’s my fault. Elizabeth walked away because I made her feel like she didn’t matter. And she stayed away because I wasn’t the person she cared about anymore.”

Even though I gave you my life
As wrong as it seems I know it’s right

“I look at myself in the mirror, Carly and I don’t recognize myself,” Jason says quietly. “I’ve lost myself. I married Brenda and I slept with Courtney. Two things I never would have done if I’d been thinking about it at all. I let Elizabeth walk out of my life for good without once telling her how I feel.”

“And how do you feel?” Carly asks tentatively, hoping for once Jason will be honest and answer question.

He steps away from him and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn’t answer at first and Carly deflates, disappointed. He won’t tell her—and why should he? Since when has she actually been a friend to him? Why should he tell her how he feels the first time she acts like one?

She’s startled when he begins to speak but listens closely. “I love her,” Jason admits. “I love her more than anything in my entire life. She’s such a wonderful person, Carly. I wish you’d given her a chance. She’s so loyal—she never lets anyone tell her what to do or who to see. You remember how she protected me that Christmas I spent at her studio.” Jason chuckles to himself, remembering. “My little attack dog.”

Carly gives him a brief smile as he continues, “I was lost when we first became friends. Robin and Michael were gone. You and Sonny were at each other’s throats. I was living in world that was black. But Elizabeth—one night she was at Jake’s, trying to drown the pain of losing Lucky by finding something that hurt worse.” He looked up, his eyes swollen and red. “And she brought color to my life. She painted me a picture of what it felt like to ride my bike. She loved going on that thing—used to beg me to let her drive. When we’d go around the turns, she’d scream for me to go faster. I’ve never met anyone else who loves to ride as much as I do, but Elizabeth said it made her feel free.”

Carly’s eyes mist with tears as Jason pours his heart out to her. How has she managed to ignore what Elizabeth did for Jason? How much she means to him? Has she been that blind—that ignorant—that scared of losing her place in his life that she’d refused to see how happy he was around her?

“She’s so small,” Jason murmurs. “I feel like I’m ten times bigger than I am when I’m around her. Her hands fit into mine so neatly and her head fits right underneath my chin.”

He looks up at her and meets her eyes. “I love her so much, Carly, that it hurts to breathe knowing she’s in another town—living somewhere else and that she doesn’t know how much I care—how much I needed her.”

But is there a trace that I can go away
To escape the love that I will forever know

“You can’t marry Courtney,” Carly tells him. She shakes her head sadly. “I know she’s pregnant—but marriage isn’t the answer. You don’t love her Jason and you can’t sentence yourselves to a loveless marriage. You both deserve more.”

“She’s pregnant, Carly and Sonny—”

“Oh, fuck Sonny,” Carly retorts. “Are you Sonny’s errand boy or are you Jason Morgan? You can’t be both.”

“Carly—”

“Don’t get me wrong. I adore Sonny. He’s my life. But he’s been pushing this marriage since the second he found out Courtney was pregnant. And you and I both know she’s been seeing AJ once in a while. And as your best friend, I won’t allow you do this.”

Jason cracks a ghost of a smile. “You won’t allow me?” he repeats, a little amused.

“Look, Jase, you can be in this kid’s life without marrying Courtney,” Carly says. “If we’re really lucky, Jase, we get to find true love once in a lifetime. You never let me give up on Sonny. And as much as this pains me, I’m not letting you give up on Elizabeth.”

“We said goodbye,” Jason argues.

“Yeah? And you can say hello when you find her.”

Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still

Jason shakes his head. “That’s not the way it is between the two of us,” he tells her. “When I first left town, she refused to say goodbye. She said it was too final. And we haven’t said goodbye ever since.” He takes a deep breath. “But when she came to give me the painting a few weeks ago—she said it. She said we had to do it because that’s the way it had to be.”

“Well, yeah—and at the time you were going to marry Courtney,” Carly says. “I’d say goodbye too. Marriage—is such a final blow to any relationship. I know that sounds really weird but you know what I mean. I’m sure Elizabeth felt that whatever the two of you shared or should have shared or whatever—that it was in the past and since you were getting married, it would have to stay in the past. So maybe she needed the closure.”

Jason looks away. “Maybe.”

“Jason. I know you like to let people live their own lives—and really—that’s a very admirable quality—but sometimes—people need to feel that they matter. That they’re worth fighting for.” Carly pauses. “Elizabeth fought so hard for you all the time. I know she made mistakes—but you have, too. Everyone does. It’s a part of life. Don’t you think that a love as strong as what you feel for her—don’t you think that’s worth fighting for?”

“What if she doesn’t feel the same?” Jason asks, a little nervously. “What if I throw this all away and she doesn’t love me?”

“And what if you don’t throw this all away and she does?” Carly asks. “You’ve never been worried about what ifs, don’t start now.”

Jason looks at her and frowns. “And how am I supposed to break the news to Sonny and Courtney?”

Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears

Carly laughs. “You leave that to me, Jase. I think you’ve got some searching to do.”

Jason kisses her on the forehead. “Thanks, Carly. For being a friend.”

“Well—I figured you were due,” she replies. “After everything you’ve done for me, it’s about time I returned the favor.” She gives a little shove towards the closet. “Now, go change and do what it is you have to do to find Elizabeth. I’ll go take care of the Corinthos siblings.”

Carly steps out of the room and heads down the steps. She knows that she’s just encouraged Jason to run away on his wedding day and find the girl she never quite approved of.

She also knows that Jason deserves to be as happy as she is and as much as it pains her to say it—the happiest she’s ever seen Jason is around Elizabeth.

And if Elizabeth can invoke feelings like that in a man like Jason—

Well she couldn’t be all that bad, right?

Where can we go from here
Why, why do I cry inside
When love is gone away

Jason is halfway packed when Benny calls him back. He hadn’t expected it so soon and was a little surprised when Benny reeled off Elizabeth’s address so easily.

Apparently, Elizabeth had registered to vote a week before and there she was. Elizabeth Webber. 245 Cedar Drive, Apt 121. Tallahassee, Florida.

Jason tells Benny to book him a flight before he can change his mind. He’s sure that if he thinks about the decision he’s made long enough—he’ll get back into that tuxedo and marry Courtney.

It’s altogether possible, he realizes, that Elizabeth will slam the door in his face.

But it’s a possibility Jason needs to take. He needs to know that they’re completely over.

He needs to tell Elizabeth that he loves her so—just so she has all the facts before she tells him goodbye again.

Maybe once he does that—he could be okay with their goodbye.

And how, How can I carry on
When I know all the love is gone

Carly enters the church and spots Sonny in the hall outside the bridal chamber. He frowns seeing her there alone.

“Where’s Jason?” he demands.

“Somewhere finding Elizabeth,” Carly answers flippantly. “I hope he does, too.”

Sonny’s eyes narrow and he takes a step towards his wife. “Explain. Now.”

She shrugs. “Nothing to explain. Jason doesn’t love your sister. He loves Elizabeth and until he puts that chapter to rest for good, he’ll never move on.”

“He and Elizabeth put that to rest a long time ago,” Sonny replies. “He got my sister pregnant—he needs to marry her.”

“Sonny, this is not the 1950s and Jason does not answer to you in matters of the heart,” Carly retorts. “And as much as I hate it, Elizabeth and Jason will never be over. She makes him happy, Sonny. And I know you realize it.”

“Carly—” Sonny begins heatedly.

“Drop it,” Carly says, sharply. “Jason has sacrificed everything for you. Don’t ask him to give up the one person he loves more than anything else in the world. Don’t you dare ask him to turn his back on his heart.”

Sonny sighs and looks away. “He loves her that much?”

“He loves her almost as much as I love you,” Carly answers. She heads to the bridal door. “I need to tell Courtney.”

Where can I go to get away
From the pain of loving you

Courtney is standing in the middle of the room, wearing a poufy white dress and staring at herself in the mirror.

“Jason’s not coming,” Carly says bluntly.

Courtney turns, her blue eyes a little startled. “What? What do you mean he’s not coming?”

Carly walks forward until they’re separated by only a few feet of space. “He’s not marrying you. He’s left town to find someone.”

Courtney sighs and looks away. “He went after Elizabeth, didn’t he?”

Carly frowns. “How did you know that?” she asks.

Courtney gives her sister-in-law a nasty look. “Who else would Jason abandon me and our child for?”

“Oh, don’t give me that boo-hoo woe-is-me crap. I invented it,” Carly snaps. “You’re not even sure Jason’s the father.”

Courtney pales. “He’s probably the father,” she whispers faintly.

“Probably ain’t good enough,” Carly replies. “Don’t worry—Jason will always provide for his child. He just doesn’t have to marry the mother.” She heads to the door. “Sorry it has to be this way.”

“No you’re not,” Courtney calls after her.

Carly turns and cocks her head to the side. “No. You’re right. I’m not.”

She shuts the door quietly behind her and goes to think about that little realization for a while.

Tell me where
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still

When Elizabeth opens the door the next morning, she wonders if the early morning sun is playing tricks on her. Because she knows that Jason cannot possible be standing in front of her.

He doesn’t say anything, he just looks for her for a while and finally, just when she thinks she can’t handle the silence, he speaks. “I came to tell you something.”

She sighs and looks away. “Jason—we said everything that needed to be said before I left.” Elizabeth frowns suddenly. “Yesterday was your wedding day.”

He shakes his head slowly. “I couldn’t do it. I don’t love her.”

She nibbles on her lower lip as if trying to gage his answer and what it means in regards to her. “But she’s pregnant,” Elizabeth says finally.

“And I don’t have to marry her to be a part of the baby’s life,”Jason said. “Elizabeth—”

“Why are you making this so hard?” she whispers. “I thought we agreed that this was for the best.”

“No,” Jason tells her. “I never wanted to say goodbye. But you wanted to, so I did it. Because I’d do anything for you.”

“Jason—”

“Just let me say what I came here to say and if you—if you still don’t want anything to do with me—all right. I’ll have to accept that. But I refuse to let you go and not tell you.”

“All right,” Elizabeth says, almost sure that there’s nothing Jason can say to fix this—to make her change her mind.

He doesn’t speak at first—takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as if whatever he’s going to say is so mind-boggling and important that he needs to gather his strength. “I love you.”

Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears

Her hand, still wrapped around the brass doorknob of her apartment door, tightens. She holds on to the door frame with the other hand so that he can’t see how much she is trembling.

Her lips parted and her tongue darted out to moisten her suddenly dry lips. “Jason—”

“I never should have said goodbye without telling you that,” Jason tells her. “I’ve spent far too much time letting you walk away and not telling you how I felt. I didn’t fight for us and I was wrong. I should have let you know how much I loved you and how much you mattered to me and how the rest of my world is different when you’re not there.”

Despite herself and her best judgment, Elizabeth’s eyes soften. “Jason, you can’t just walk in here, tell me you love me and expect to make it all better.”

“I know that,” Jason replies. “I can’t take a magic wand and pretend that the last nine or so months didn’t happen. I can’t go back to September and take back the things I did and I’m sorry. I wish I could. But I can’t change what’s happened.” He takes a deep breath. “But I can change the future. And I can tell you how much I love you and I can tell you how much you matter to me and the rest of my world is different without you.”

“What do you want from me?” Elizabeth asks, quietly. She knows she shouldn’t give in—they’ve said goodbye, a word that between them was supposed to be final—no going back.

And maybe they can’t. Maybe they can’t take that goodbye back. Maybe it was okay to have said it and meant it.

“I want a chance,” Jason tells her. “I’m not asking for anything more concrete than that—just a chance.”

Because sometimes you had to let things go in order to find out how much you really needed them in your life—and how much you were really needed in theirs.

You had to let things go so that they could come back to you.

“All right,” Elizabeth tells him. “Let’s try this again.” He steps forward, unable to contain his smile, but she holds a hand up. “But we have a lot of work to do before this is all okay, Jason. You hurt me. And I hurt you. And we can’t keep doing it over and over again.”

He holds out his hand and Elizabeth studies it. She walked away from it once and regretted it the rest of her life. A few weeks ago, she took it and went with him on a final ride so she could say goodbye.

She’s not sure what she’s agreeing to if she takes it. Going back to Port Charles, staying here? Going somewhere else?

Does it matter?

She slips her small hand in his and gives him a tremulous smile. Maybe—

Maybe one day it will be okay again.

There was only one way to find out.

Where can we go from here
Oooh

+11

Inspiration

The only thing I remember about writing this story is that it is the first and only story I ever posted at The Canvas to hit 50 replies. I immediately wrote a sequel, Where Do We Go From Here, and it got like 15. Ha. I also remember sitting in my living room writing this on my old laptop, but it’s really just a memory flash. Other than that, I got nothing.

Timeline

This is stet in June of 2003, but it’s kind of a murky timeline. Jason and Elizabeth have been broken up since October. It looks as if she either never dated Ric or has left him as well. Jason and Courtney are dating.

Banner

Time, sometimes the time just slips away

She stood outside the door, clutching the package wrapped in brown paper. She forced herself to knock, reminding herself that this was a good idea. That it was the right thing to do.

She was going to be calm. She was going to be nice. She was going to be mature about the situation.

The door swung open after a few minutes and he looked at her for a few minutes before saying anything. It’d been months literally since they’d laid eyes on one another. He’d made it his business to carefully avoid the places she frequented and she had actually quit her job, moved to a new apartment just to keep from seeing him.

“Hi,” she said softly. She looked down, away from his gaze.

“Hi,” he replied. He slid his hand down the edge of the door to the knob. “Elizabeth. It’s…it’s been a while.”

“Six months, two weeks and seven days,” Elizabeth told him softly.

“Oh,” Jason replied, a little uncomfortable with having it reeled off so easily. It was actually rather miraculous that they’d managed to live in the same town and go that long without even running into each other.

“I just—” Elizabeth shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I came to give you—” She looked up and met his gaze directly. “I came to give you a wedding present.”

And you’re left with yesterday
Left with the memories

There didn’t seem to be enough air in the entire world for Jason to breathe. He felt like someone had just suckered punched him. He should have known Elizabeth would find out—but for some foolish reason, he’d tried to avoid the idea.

“You didn’t—” Jason shook his head and swallowed hard. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” Elizabeth replied quietly. “We were—we were friends once, and I—friends do things like this for each other. I didn’t get the chance to—when you were married to Brenda—” Elizabeth stopped abruptly and took a deep breath. “I just—I wanted to thank you.”

Jason frowned. “Thank me?” He couldn’t think of one reason for Elizabeth to thank him. Hit him, yell at him—maybe—but thanking him—?

“You saved my life,” Elizabeth replied, simply. “A few times and I just—I wanted to make sure you knew that our friendship was very important to me.”

“It was important to me, too,” Jason told her, feeling the sharp stinging pain of referring to it in the past tense. “And you saved my life, too.”

I, I’ll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time

Elizabeth blinked back the sudden tears that sprung to her eyes. She looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. “I just—be happy, okay?”

He nodded and tried to speak past the lump in his throat. “You, too,” he managed to say. “That’s—that’s all I ever wanted.”

She bit her lip and nodded. “I, um, was invited to the wedding,” Elizabeth said, looking back at him. “But I hope you understand why I can’t come.”

“I do,” Jason replied, wanting so very badly to tell her why he was marrying in the first place but finding himself unable to do it. There were too many people involved—too many people that would be hurt if Jason spoke the truth and he had new responsibilities now. He couldn’t let them down. “Elizabeth—”

“I’m so glad I was part of your life,” Elizabeth whispered. “And I’m so thankful you were in mine.” She held out the package.

Jason took it and as their hands held it together for a split second, she said it.

“Goodbye, Jason.”

She let go and it hung listlessly in his hands. He blinked back the sudden moisture in his own eyes. Goodbye.

She’d never spoken that word before. Not even when she’d walked out of the penthouse or walked away from him in the park.

Elizabeth waited a moment but when he didn’t say anything, she turned away and went to the elevator.

When he heard the ding of the elevator doors closing, he stepped back into the penthouse and stared at the package she’d given him.

All of the other gifts—Courtney had said they were supposed to wait until the wedding, but Jason didn’t want to. Didn’t care about traditions.

He ripped the package off, revealing the canvas underneath. His heart stopped, his stomach dropped.

She’d given him The Wind.

I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways

Elizabeth paused in her methodically packing and looked up at the door. No one came by anymore. Not since Lucky went to London, Nikolas and Gia went off to New York City so she could attend school, or Zander went to Arizona to visit Emily in rehab.

Not since Audrey had died of a sudden massive coronary.

She stood up, shoving a few boxes out of her way and pulled open the heavy door Jason had put in after the kidnapping. Her heart skipped a beat.

“Jason,” she breathed. “What—what are you doing here?”

Jason held up the painting and shook his head. “I can’t take this.”

She frowned and looked down. “Oh. I can understand why you don’t want it. I mean, it’s not that good—”

“No,” Jason cut in. “That’s not it. I do want it.”

“Well, then why can’t you take it?” Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms tightly. It was June but she still felt cold.

“B-because,” Jason stopped, tried to think of how to explain this. How could he tell her he couldn’t take this painting because he couldn’t say goodbye to her? “It’s not something I can take with me.” He met her eyes, recognized the misery he knew was reflected in his. “It’s one I have to come back to.”

Her lower lip trembled at the sound of the familiar words and she mustered the strength to tell him.

“That only works if I’m here,'” she told him quietly. “And I won’t be.” She looked down at the ground. “I’m moving, Jason. I’m leaving Port Charles.”

I won’t forget so don’t forget
The memories we made

He gripped the door frame and took a deep breath. “What—why?”

Elizabeth sighed. “Because I don’t have anything left here,” she said quietly. “My grandmother is dead. I have nothing left tying me here.”

He hated that she was right. He hated the fact that she’d suffered through Audrey’s death alone—her family not even coming for the funeral. He hated that he’d been unable to be there for her.

He’d stood in the back of the church on the day of viewing and watched Elizabeth sit alone in the front pew—the rows of the church filled with colleagues from the hospital and old friends. Some spoke, but no one came near Elizabeth.

He couldn’t understand why they’d profess to miss Audrey but deny Elizabeth comfort in her grief. He’d watched as the people filed out of the church and Elizabeth waited until everyone was gone before her small shoulders started to shake with tears.

He’d wanted to sit next to her and wrap his arms around her, but he didn’t. He didn’t know why he didn’t or what kept him from doing so, but he’d waited until her sobs had quieted before leaving.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just—”

“You what?” Elizabeth asked, tired of the word games they seemed to play these days.

“I can’t say goodbye.”

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me

“Sure you can,” Elizabeth said, adopting a sarcastic tone. “You can say it, turn around and walk away.” Her gaze turned angry, her eyes burning a hole right through him. “It’s never stopped you before.”

He flinched, stung. He deserved that. He’d walked away from Elizabeth, left town three times. The third time—he could have called her on the lie that had spilled from her lips about wanting Lucky. But he’d been to stung by her rejection to think clearly and he’d let her walk away.

He’d let her walk away one too many times and now—now she was walking away again.

And he had a miserable feeling that he couldn’t stop her this time.

“I’m sorry,” Jason repeated. “I never should have let you walk out that night.”

“You’re about nine months too late,” Elizabeth remarked.

“I know.” He shifted. “I thought it needed to be said anyway.” He looked away, down the hall. “She’s pregnant.”

Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free

She blinked. Blinked again. “What?”

“Courtney,” Jason said. “She’s pregnant. That’s why we’re getting married.”

“Oh,” Elizabeth said softly. Courtney Matthews was pregnant with Jason’s baby. She would have his child—a little boy or girl that looked just like him.

Her eyes burned with tears as she stared over his shoulder. How many times had she fantasized about starting a family with Jason? Having his children? Being his wife?

Fantasies. Dreams. That’s all they ever were.

“I was going to break up with her,” Jason continued, bringing Elizabeth back to the present. “I’m not in love with her and I was—I was going to tell her so but—” Jason stopped and sighed.

“She told you she was pregnant,” Elizabeth finished, sadly. She sighed deeply. “Well, congratulations.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Jason, it’s—” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Jason, it’s over.”

Please remember, please remember me
Goodbye, there’s just no sadder word to say

He shook his head, almost forcibly. “No. I don’t—I refuse to believe that.”

She sighed and studied him with sad, sympathetic eyes. He looked different. His hair was a little longer, there were circles under his eyes and he looked like he’d lost a little weight.

He looked miserable.

“It has to be,” Elizabeth said, softly. “You’re getting married. And you and me—we can’t be friends anymore.”

“Why?” Jason demanded. “Give me one good reason why.”

“Because we don’t remember how to do that,” Elizabeth insisted. “We haven’t been just friends in so long—there’s always going to be more between us and we can’t do that anymore.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Jason, it wouldn’t be fair to Courtney,” Elizabeth said quietly. “And I’m through hurting other people.”

He sighed and looked away. She was right. No matter how much he wanted it—he and Elizabeth could never be just friends.

They had always been more than friends and it wasn’t fair to anyone else involved.

And it’s sad to walk away
With just the memories

“Just say it,” Elizabeth said softly. “Say it and go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”

Jason shook his head. “No. I can’t—I let you walk away before and I—I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“It’s too late,” Elizabeth firmly. “I—we can’t go back. You can’t change it.”

“I know that,” Jason said, almost irritated. “But the future—”

“You’re getting married,” Elizabeth said. “You’re marrying Courtney. That’s the future. You’re starting a family and I’m moving out of town.”

“I know. But—”

“But nothing.” Elizabeth’s tone turned gentle. “Look, we—our chance—it’s gone now. Okay? I don’t like it, but it’s reality, Jason. You never used to do this. You never—”

“I never made so many mistakes like this,” Jason argued. “And now, it’s like I can’t stop doing it. One stupid thing after another.” He took a deep breath. “All right. I’ll say it. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it.”

“It is,” Elizabeth lied. “It’s what has to happen.”

Who’s to know what might have been
We’ll leave behind a life and time
I’ll never know again

“Come with me,” Jason said suddenly. He set the canvas down, just inside the door and stretched his hand out.

Elizabeth blinked back more tears at the sight of the familiar pose—she’d turned it down once before.

“Jason—”

“Just for a little while.” He didn’t let his hand fall to his side, kept it hanging in the air. “If we’re—if we’re going to say goodbye, let me do it right.”

Curiously, Elizabeth took his hand and let him lead her out of the apartment. He paused while she locked the door.

He led her down the stairs, out of the door and to the alley where she stopped suddenly.

It’d been more than two years since she’d been this close to his motorcycle. And it seemed fitting to end their friendship the same it had begun.

With a ride.

Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me

He handed her the helmet but she shook her head. “I don’t want to wear it,” Elizabeth told him. “I can’t feel the wind on my face with it on.”

Jason hesitated but nodded. “All right.” He put the helmet back on the side of the bike and got on. He put the key in the ignition and started it. Elizabeth straddled the seat and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly.

“If—” Jason stopped and took a deep breath. He forced himself to finish the first words he’d ever said to her before a ride. “If you don’t like something, just yell.”

Elizabeth didn’t bother to blink the tears back this time. He couldn’t see them anywhere. The tears slid down her face and she leaned her face on his back, turned it sideways, letting her cheek rest on his t-shirt.

Jason pulled away from the alley, trying to ignore the warm tears seeping through the shirt.

And remember, Please remember me
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me

Her tears only lasted for a few minutes. As if recognizing her misery, he took up the cliff roads first. He went fast—just like she liked it and took the turns even faster. He drove the roads twice—he contemplating just riding out of Port Charles altogether.

The idea was tempting—just taking Elizabeth and running away from everything. He knew if he removed the other people in their lives, they would have made it.

But he knew that idea wouldn’t work. She was right. No matter how much he didn’t want it to be true—

The day he’d never wanted to come was here.

It was time to say goodbye.

Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free

He pulled the bike to a stop at familiar place. The statues where they’d tried it before. She said they couldn’t see each other and asked him to take her home.

Elizabeth got off the bike and crossed her arms. She walked over to the statue of the girl and studied her.

Jason silently turned off the bike and swung her leg over the side. He stood a few feet behind Elizabeth.

“She’s not smiling,” she murmured. She turned around and looked at him. “I never came back up here, you know.”

“Why not?” Jason asked. “You seemed to like it before.”

“It didn’t seem right,” Elizabeth replied. “I didn’t want to come alone and I didn’t want to bring anyone else.”

Then remember, please remember me

“I should have brought you back up here once I came back last year,” Jason said. “I should have done a lot a things differently.”

“It’s not your fault,” Elizabeth remarked. “I’m not completely blameless. I made mistakes—I hurt you, I know that.” She sighed and looked back to the statue. “I just wish—”

When she didn’t continue, he took a step towards her. “What?”

Her eyes were glittering with tears. “I wish we weren’t a regret. I wish we could have had a real chance.”

His eyes softened and he touched her face, cupped her cheek. She leaned into his touch, much the way she had that night in the penthouse.”

And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how a dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me

Her warm tears splashed his hand and he took another step towards. “So do I,” Jason said softly. “I wish I had tried.”

He leaned down and brushed her lips gently. Elizabeth sighed, her mouth opening up to him. The kiss was both passionate and gentle. It was bittersweet, since it would more than likely be their last.

He changed the angle of the kiss, his other hand coming up to thread through her hair. Her hands clutched at his back, fisted in his maroon t-shirt.

He didn’t want to stop kissing her. Didn’t want to break contact. Because then he’d have to take her home and say goodbye.

We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky

Finally, he raised his head and stepped away. Elizabeth let go and touched his face. When her thumb caressed his cheek, he realized that a few tears had escaped his eyes.

“I think we’d better go,” she whispered.

He nodded wordlessly.

He let her drive back to her apartment.

We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me

She stepped in front of her apartment door and opened it. She leaned in and pulled The Wind. “I really want you to have this,” Elizabeth said, holding it out to him.

He took it this time. “All right.”

Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Goodbye, Jason.”

He leaned in and kissed her forehead before taking a large step back. His eyes locked on hers.

“Goodbye, Elizabeth.”

He waited a moment and walked down the hall. When Elizabeth heard his footsteps fade, she sagged against the doorjamb and started to cry.

Please remember, please remember

+11

Inspiration
I spent the majority of Fall and early Winter 2002 reuniting Jason and Elizabeth. It’s not surprise I barely remember writing most of them, LOL. I will say I was easily inspired by songs and this is one of my favorite all-time Celine Songs.

Timeline
This is set in late January of 2003. At this point, Jason and Brenda’s murder trial had concluded and his relationship with Courtney was public. Elizabeth had begun seeing Ric. Looking at this story now, I think maybe I wrote it before the murder trial got underway because this has Jason not being on trial at all and he was, LOL. Anyway, it’s set around the anniversary of Ruby Anderson’s death. Ruby had managed Kelly’s from the 1980s until her death in January 1999. She hired Elizabeth.

Banner

There’s so much life I’ve left to live
And this fire is burning still

She sat by herself after closing one night shortly before the end of January. The snow was falling softly outside and the diner was silent save for the small sounds of her tears.

The Alcazar murder trial had ended earlier that month—Brenda Barrett had been found guilty of second-degree murder. On her way to Pentonville, the prison van was stopped and she managed to escape. It was rumored that her husband had spirited her out of the country, but Jason Morgan had made a big show of going out to dinner with Sonny Corinthos that night with his wife Carly and sister Courtney.

Jasper Jacks, however, disappeared around the same time as Brenda. They’d put all points bulletins out on both, but with Brenda’s connections and Jax’s fortune, it was doubtful that they would be found unless they wanted to be.

Life had gone on as normally as it ever would in Port Charles. Skye Quartermaine filed for divorce, citing abandonment. Jason obtained his annulment and his relationship with Courtney Quartermaine became more public, only fueling the misery and bitterness of her estranged husband, AJ.

When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will

Sonny and Carly seemed to be stronger than ever and seemed content to ignore their lawyer’s strange behavior. Elizabeth didn’t care if Ric Lansing sometimes had strange dreams about explosions or muttered strange names in his sleep. He made her laugh.

And there were few people in her world that made her laugh these days. She’d stay with anyone as long as they didn’t make her cry.

Anyway, besides the occasional date with Ric, Elizabeth was pretty much on her own. Nikolas and Gia were busy arguing over law school and the wedding, Zander was always working and Lucky was busy with his father and Laura Spencer’s look-alike, Summer.

The reason she was sitting alone in Kelly’s that evening had nothing to do with any of that. It was the three-year mark. Ruby Anderson, the woman who had seen fit to hire Elizabeth over five years ago and keep her on—despite Elizabeth’s incompetence as a waitress—she’d died three years ago today.

To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground

Elizabeth and Ruby hadn’t always gotten along during the two and half years they’d worked together, but they’d gained a healthy respect for one another. After her rape, Ruby had afforded her all the time off she needed with no questions asked. She’d thought the younger woman was a wonderful influence on her nephew, Lucky.

And sometimes Elizabeth missed her. They could call it Ruby’s Chili all they wanted, but it wasn’t the same and people could tell. Kelly’s wasn’t the same without the fiery proprietor. Tammy had been a good friend and Elizabeth had enjoyed working for her and of course, Bobbie was always great to be around. But they weren’t Ruby.

And tonight, for some reason, when Bobbie had reminded them of the day, it had saddened Elizabeth. So, here she sat, nearly an hour after Kelly’s had closed—and she was crying.

And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I’m in love with you

He’d tried to be a little unhappy when Courtney had told him her decision that evening, but he was pretty sure the feeling was more of relief than disappointment.

“I really—I really care about you Jason—but I love AJ. And I—I can’t just turn that off because I want to. I owe it to myself to give him one last chance.”

Jason had told her he understood, wished her happiness and he’d left the loft he rented for the last time. She was moving out the next day anyway. Although she’d given up her and AJ’s old apartment, she and AJ were going to move into a larger and nice apartment in a better part of town.

It’d been nice while it lasted – it’d been nice to be around someone and know that nothing was at stake, that he wasn’t risking anything to be with them. No one had really known about their relationship outside a small circle of people and he preferred it that way.

‘Cause I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again

He regretted that Elizabeth was one of those people—he was never quite sure how she’d known for sure. The guilt had been so immense on both their parts that he and Courtney had made efforts to keep it especially hidden from her. At least, he had. Sometimes he wasn’t so sure about Courtney.

If Jason really wanted to be honest with himself, he’d admit that Courtney’s love for AJ wasn’t the only reason his relationship with her had failed. It’d been his feelings for Elizabeth that ultimately held him back.

Everything between the two of them was messy—the breakup had been messy, the subsequent meetings afterward had been full of misunderstandings. They’d pulled away from each other. They had both been running scared.

He missed his best friend. He missed the way she’d laugh, the way her eyes would sparkle after a night ride on the cliff roads, the way she bit her lower lip, the way she babbled—

He missed everything about Elizabeth Webber.

I reach to you
I know you can feel it too

He stood outside in the courtyard as the snow fell around him. He watched through the window as she sat, curled up in a chair, her face tear stained. He wondered what had made her cry—was it a fight with her grandmother? No, Jason knew that couldn’t be it. Audrey Hardy had left shortly after Christmas for a six month vacation in Hawaii. Elizabeth, Sarah and an older brother Jason had never met had chipped to send their grandmother to paradise.

Elizabeth hadn’t told him that—Jason had heard it from Courtney who thought it was the sweetest thing over.

Was it Lucky or Luke Spencer? Jason knew Elizabeth had renewed her friendship with the Spencer family, but he hadn’t seen either around town lately. He didn’t think they’d be the reason she cried.

His fists clenched involuntarily and he wondered if it was his lawyer, Ric, who had made her cry. There’d be no where that man could hide if he’d hurt Elizabeth, Jason decided. He hadn’t liked Ric Lansing the second he’d laid eyes on him and liked him even less the first time he’d seen Elizabeth and Ric together.

Instead of standing out here like a fool, wondering what had made her cry—he could go in and find out.

We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe

She heard the door swing open before she saw it. She looked up and frowned a little when she saw Jason standing hesitantly in the door way.

Normally, she’d be on her feet, keeping her face from view as she hid her tears. She’d be asking why he was here, so late after closing.

But tonight, she stared at him and made no attempts to hide the tears. He was probably there to pick up the sweater Courtney had left there that day.

He walked inside, letting the door shut behind him. In two strides, he was in front of her. He crouched down to meet her eyes.

“Are you okay?” he asked, cursing himself for asking such a stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay.

She thought about giving him the normal answer. Yes, of course I’m fine. I just got something in my eyes. He wouldn’t know she was lying—he never did anymore.

Instead, she slowly shook her head. “No,” she answered. “In all honesty, I haven’t been okay for a long time.”

I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, rocking back on his heels.

Then and only then did she wipe away her tears. Using the back of her head, she swiped at them and sighed. “Bobbie reminded me that today was the anniversary of Ruby’s death. Ruby used to own—”

“I know,” Jason cut in swiftly. “I remember.” He paused. “I’m sorry.”

“Me, too,” Elizabeth said quietly. She looked past him, towards the silent jukebox. “Sometimes days and weeks go by and I don’t even think of her, you know? But I’ll hear something she used to say or Courtney—” Elizabeth hesitated but only for a minute. “Courtney will remind me so much of how I used to be when I first started—and I try to remember how much patience Ruby had with me. I was such a horrible waitress back then. I must have dropped every other dish for at least a month. She nearly fired me a dozen times.”

“Why didn’t she?” Jason asked, almost relishing this conversation that felt so much like the old days. She would be upset, he’d find a way to get her to open up and she’d feel better.

Things used to be so simple.

I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you

“I have no idea,” Elizabeth admitted. “I think Lucky stuck up for me a lot since—” her cheeks flushed. “I was usually watching him when I broke the dishes,” she admitted.

Jason chuckled, thinking of the much younger Elizabeth and the massive crush she’d admitted she’d had on Lucky when she’d first moved here. “Sounds like something Lucky would have done.”

She sighed and stared at her hands. “I miss her sometimes. We were never all that close, but—she gave me my first real shot. She was the first person that believed in me, even if it was just because Lucky convinced her to.”

“She did make a mean bowl of chili,” Jason replied.

Elizabeth laughed then, the first time she’d laughed with him since—

It probably wasn’t a good sign that he couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed.

You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth

It struck her then—that they were doing something they hadn’t done almost since he’d returned last summer. They were sitting in Kelly’s and talking—being honest with each other.

Not holding anything back.

She’d forgotten how much she’d missed that.

“Thanks,” Elizabeth said softly. “I feel better now that I’ve talked to you.” She met his eyes. “Just like I used to.”

The air had changed around them—the mood had shifted and they both knew it. They were no longer talking about Ruby Anderson and how much Elizabeth missed her.

They were talking about their friendship and how far off track it had gone.

Right now, there’s no better time
From this fear I will break free

“Do you ever get tired of running?” Jason asked quietly. He shifted from his crouching position and sat in a chair next to hers.

Elizabeth sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “I think I must have run twenty marathons,” she murmured. “I’m so tired, Jason. I’ve been running so long that I don’t even remember why I started or what I’m running from.”

“The day I left the penthouse—the day Sonny faked his death,” Jason said, struggling to get the words out. Struggling to tell her the truth—the truth he’d kept to himself. “I started running then and I haven’t even stopped to breathe.”

She smiled at him—a sad smile full of nostalgia and wistfulness. “Sometimes Jason—I think we’re more alike we give ourselves credit for.”

And I’ll live again with love
And no they can’t take that away from me
And they will see—

He stood then and she raised her head to look at him. Probably going home to Courtney, she thought bitterly. Always a blonde. Just once—could someone leave me for a redhead?

Instead, he held out his hand. “Come on.”

Elizabeth dropped her feet to the ground. Even as she asked, “Where are we going?” she was putting her and in his and letting him pull her to her feet.

Jason gave her a tiny half-smile then and shrugged. “Nowhere.”

Involuntarily, the tears she’d just hidden sprang to the surface and her vision blurred a little. “I could go for that,” she said softly.

I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again

They rode for nearly two hours—he took her up and down the cliff roads, down the street that inspired her painting of The Wind. He went fast, took the turns even faster and they both ignored the biting cold.

She screamed on the turns—so much he thought she’d lose her voice. She laughed, throwing her head back, her hair flying all around her. Neither of them wore helmets—he never did and she’d convinced him to let her go without one—just this one time.

He finally headed in one destination—the old stone bridge out of town. The bike coasted to a stop and he turned off the engine. She didn’t let go of him right away—relished the feeling of being this close to him for the first time in months.

But finally, she sat up, unwound her arms from his waist and stood up. “I’ve really missed that,” Elizabeth admitted. She wondered if Courtney had been on the bike—if she loved it as much as Elizabeth did.

If Jason preferred Courtney on the bike.

I reach to you
I know you can feel it too

“I’ve missed it too,” Jason confessed. She looked down at him and with a heavy sigh, he got off the bike. “It’s been almost two years.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been home since May and this is the first chance we’ve had to go,” Elizabeth replied, putting her hands in the pockets of her black winter jacket.

“I asked you and you didn’t want to go,” Jason reminded her. For once, he didn’t feel the bitterness that accompanied the feeling. She hadn’t wanted to go because of Zander. And he didn’t feel anything about that anymore. He was just lightly teasing her.

“Well, I asked you, too,” Elizabeth replied, giving him a small smile. “Remember?” She shrugged and started walking towards the bridge. “But you said it was too dangerous.”

We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe

“It was,” Jason insisted. She faltered in her steps and turned around, her face pale.

“Let me get this straight,” she said softly. “It’s too dangerous for you to be with me—but it’s all right for Courtney?”

And there it was. The name. The name of the woman they’d both been avoiding talking about.

“You told me over and over and over again,” Elizabeth continued, her eyes glowing with anger and frustration. “It was too dangerous. It was never going to be over. You drummed it in my head so many times I got sick of hearing the words.”

“Elizabeth—” Jason tried to cut in. To explain that he was talking about another type of danger all together. It wasn’t dangerous with Courtney. Nothing was at stake.

But she was on a roll—saying words she’d only been feeling for the past few months. “But then again, it really shouldn’t surprise me. You were willing to do anything for her. You guarded her personally—spent every waking moment with her while leaving me alone in a penthouse with a guard. You never talked to me, you’d come and go and I’d never even know you were there!” Her eyes filled with tears and try as though she might, she couldn’t hold them back. They spilled over her lashes and streamed down her cheeks. “You’d think I’d get the hint. But I’ve never been that good as seeing things right in front of my face.”

I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. He stood there, frozen to the ground. How could she think that—that what he felt for Courtney in any way measured up to his feelings for Elizabeth?

She walked towards him and then passed him. “I want to go home.”

He turned around, reached out and grabbed her arm. “Elizabeth—”

“Take me home,” she repeated. “I don’t—I can’t do this anymore.” She struggled to pull her arm out of his firm grasp.

“I’m not taking you anywhere until you listen to me,” Jason said firmly. He shook his head. “We’re doing it again.”

Elizabeth stopped moving and stared up at him. “What?”

“I’m tired of running,” he said simply. “And I’m tired of watching you walk away.”

Every night’s getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby

He let go of her arm and she took a step back. “It was too dangerous to be with you,” Jason said.

“Damn it—” Elizabeth began. Jason surprised her by pressing two fingers against her lips.

“Will you just let me explain?” he asked quietly. She nodded wordlessly and he let his hand fall back to his side. He took a deep breath and met her eyes, determined not to break the eye contact first.

“I know I let you believe I was talking about my job,” Jason said. “And part of me still thinks that’s true. But you know me. You know I would never make that decision for you.”

“Then what?” she asked softly.

“I was talking about me,” Jason answered. “It was too dangerous for me to be with you.”

I’ll swallow my pride and I’ll be alive
Can’t you hear my call
I surrender all

Elizabeth’s brow furrowed in confusion and she took a step back. “What?” she asked, startled. Too dangerous for him? What did that mean?

“I don’t—I don’t trust people easily,” Jason told her. “I don’t open up and I think you know that. But with you—it was almost too easy. I’ve talked about Michael with you. Talked about losing him and how it felt to be his father. I’ve never said that to anyone.” He took a deep breath. “And because I opened up to you so soon, so easily—so much—it was easier for you to hurt me.”

And boy, had she. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. First with Lucky, then with Zander and then leaving him.

“I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty,” Jason hurried to assure her. “I’m just stating a fact.”

She forced down her guilt and opened her eyes. “I know,” Elizabeth said softly.

“After Zander—I didn’t—” He licked his lips nervously and tried to continue. Told himself that he needed to be honest with her. “I didn’t want to let you do that again. Have that power anymore.”

I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again

“I tried to push you away,” Jason said. “I did everything I could. I was mean to you; I purposely walked away all those times. I told you I couldn’t be friends with you anymore. But you—you—” He smiled a little, despite himself. “You didn’t seem to cooperate.”

Without thinking, he touched her face. “You never did want to give up when I wanted to.”

“I told you,” Elizabeth said, her voice a little shaky. “You can’t just drop out of my life. I’d miss you too much.”

“So—I gave in,” Jason continued. “I promised you that I would try. That I’d respect you, listen to you and be honest with you. I don’t like to make promises unless I know I can keep them. And I really—I really thought I could do it.” He stopped took a deep breath. He wanted to look away, but forced himself to continue the eye contact. “But I didn’t. I lied to you.”

I reach to you
I know you can feel it too

“Jason—” Elizabeth tried to cut in, but he shook his head.

“I’m not finished,” he replied. “I lied. And I knew I was doing it. So I did what I could to avoid you. I couldn’t lie to your face and I couldn’t—I couldn’t tell you the truth. No matter how much I wanted to—I couldn’t.”

“That’s why you never came home?” Elizabeth asked. “It wasn’t because—”

“No, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see you. I would sit at the safe house with Sonny or Brenda and I’d think about you. I’d wonder if you were playing pool or drawing—thinking of you—knowing you were safe—it helped me get through it.”

“And I just left,” Elizabeth said, the self-loathing evident in her voice. “I am so sorry—”

“I don’t blame you for doing it,” Jason cut in. “I didn’t try to stop you. I let you walk away. I did it because I thought if I gave you some space—if I let you try and calm down, I thought maybe you’d be able to—” He shook his head. “I don’t know how I really justified it to myself, but I did. And I never told you how much I missed you.”

We’ll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe

“And then everything went crazy,” Jason said after a few moments of silence. “The thing with Courtney’s stalker—it gave me something to think about so I wouldn’t have to think about you. And I didn’t think you’d come back to me, anyway. I thought you were—moving on. You were friends with Lucky again. You’d left town to help him.”

“And you married Brenda,” Elizabeth said. “I know why you did it. And I even understand it a little. She was sick, and needed someone to take care of her.”

“Right,” Jason answered. “And I thought I didn’t have any other reason.” He took a deep breath. “I came to you to tell you that the marriage was going to be over, because we’d found out she wasn’t sick and she didn’t need me any more.”

“And I shot you down,” Elizabeth said, sighing ruefully. “I don’t—”

“That was my fault,” Jason cut in. “You asked me if it was because I wanted another chance. It was blunt, straight-forward and to the point.” He clenched his fists. “And it scared the crap out of me. Because I did. But I backtracked—I ran. And you did, too. I don’t blame you, Elizabeth. We both did it. We’ve both been running.”

I’ll make you give them all to me
I’ll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
Right here, right now
I give my life to live again

Elizabeth bit her lip and looked away. “What about Courtney?” she asked finally. “Why was it too dangerous for you and me, but not with her?”

“Because I never let her in,” Jason said, firmly. “She didn’t know me, Elizabeth. She didn’t understand me. She tried—and when she did a little, she didn’t want to be with me.” He took a deep breath. “She told me she was going back to AJ tonight and that’s fine with me.”

“But you did care about her,” Elizabeth said.

“Yes,” Jason admitted. “But it wasn’t enough. Because no matter how much I cared about her, I didn’t love her.” He stopped. No more running, he told himself again. Lay out all the cards. “I love you.”

Elizabeth stopped breathing. “W-what?” she asked, even though she’d heard him loud and clear the first time.

“I love you. Courtney and I never would have worked because despite everything—” Jason shrugged a little. Every time he said the words, they became a little easier. “I’m still in love with you.”

I’ll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you

After a few moments of nearly unbearable silence in which Jason forced himself not to look away from her, she exhaled slowly. “Yeah—I know what you mean.” She smiled. “Because no matter how much Ric makes me laugh or how nice he is to me—he’s not you.” She touched his face; let her fingers trail over his lips. “Because despite everything, I’m still in love with you, too.”

He stepped closer to her; she tilted her face up to keep their eyes on each other. Not once since Jason had started speaking had they looked away. It was a new beginning for the both of them.

He bent down and brushed his lips over hers. When he pulled away, Elizabeth gripped the sides of his jacket to keep him close and she kissed him again.

Right now
I give my life to live again
I’ll break free, take me

They stood there for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, the snow falling down around them.

Somehow, despite everything—they’d found their way back.

My everything, I surrender all to you

Inspiration
I honestly can’t remember if I wrote this before or after we saw the January 2003 confrontation in Kelly’s. I feel like I wrote this first an episode tag to that day’s show, and then I wrote Do You Ever Think of Me as a rewrite. Either way, I was inspired to give my own version of how Elizabeth’s reaction would go, using this Ben Lee song that I adore to this day.

Timeline
This story is set in January of 2003 and written at that time. Jason and Elizabeth had broken up in October of 2002, sharing very few scenes after that point. Jason and Courtney started dating in December, and he arranged for a loft where they could see each other privately while Elizabeth tentatively started seeing Ric Lansing. When Elizabeth learned that AJ (Courtney’s estranged husband) had hired a PI to follow her, Elizabeth was worried and followed Courtney to warn her. Instead, she saw Jason meeting Courtney there. This story is set directly after that.

Banner

I should let this go but I just can’t
And now it’s just a lesson I can’t grasp

She walks into Kelly’s, her head still held high. She finishes her shift somehow and manages to forget where she’s been today.

It’s only after she goes to home her empty studio that she even lets it register.

Her first instinct is to cry. She sits on her couch and cries for a good solid hour. She cries thinking of the times they’d spent in this studio—safe and hidden from the world. Just the two of them in their little fantasy world.

So what’s really the best that I could do
To hope to see you every year or two

Her second instinct is to rage. She breaks blank canvases over her knees and throws empty glasses against the wall, the sound of them shattering making her bruised feelings feel only mildly better.

She crumples to the floor after all the anger has been drained from her small body. She sits against the door he gave her and holds the remaining pieces of a beautiful deep fire red piece of glass. She once threw it against the wall, shattering into thousands of tiny little pieces.

She’d then spent the next three hours picking up every single solitary piece. She saved them all and now she stares down at them.

And the things you said
Do they still make sense

Her third instinct is silence. She doesn’t speak and she doesn’t move. She sits against her door and stares out the window.

She remembers what it was like to come into the studio and see him standing at the window peering out at everything and nothing. She remembers what it was like to stand next to him.

She watches the day pass into dusk into night into dawn. She doesn’t move—her body is paralyzed.

Could you mean them now
Did you even mean them then

She briefly entertains the thought that all the long nights she spent in the penthouse alone, he was with her. Like that.

The thought doesn’t last long. No matter what she thinks of Jason, she has to believe that his relationship with his brother’s wife and best friend’s sister didn’t begin until she left.

Because if she thinks for one second that it’s any different…

She’d never be able to look at herself in the mirror.

I could torture myself insane and tense
But I don’t have the strength

Her fourth instinct is acceptance. She comes to that just as the new day begins. She can’t be upset. She can’t be angry.

She can’t cry betrayal.

She left him. She told the other woman it was okay. She never gave him the chance to work it out. He came to her twice and she stopped him cold.

And if he is really…truly happy…

Then she can be okay with this.

I’m crushed in pain you drifted through my life
But even looking back I know it’s right

Her fifth instinct is to stand. She stands and stretches. Sitting in one spot for so many hours is something she isn’t going to do again.

She takes a shower and dresses in fresh clothing. She throws her hair up in a messy pony tail and doesn’t bother with make-up.

Today is a new day. It’s not a better day than yesterday or the one before it.

It won’t be any better than tomorrow—but it’s still a new day.

I gave you my heart scared complete and whole
When all you ever asked for was my soul

Her sixth instinct is to leave. She pulls on a coat and goes to work. This time she’ll stay out of other people’s business. Even if they lie to her and do suspicious things—

She’ll never follow someone else again unless she’s completely prepared for what might happen.

She never…ever wants to be blindsided again. She’s sick of it and refuses to let it happen again.

And there’s nothing left
But a song or two

When she sees him in the courtyard, standing outside Kelly’s, the first thing she wants to do is to run.

She doesn’t give in. She walks towards him, touches his arm to get his attention. He frowns and turns towards her. She hasn’t initiated contact between them for a long time.

“I just need to say a few things,” she says softly. He stares at her for a second and then nods.

That mean not a thing
If I can’t play them for you

“I’m sorry,” she begins. “I’m sorry I walked away from you so many times. I’ve made mistakes but the ones I’ve made with you will haunt me for the rest of my life.”

He lets out slow breath, rubs the back of his neck. “Elizabeth—”

“Please—” she says, holding up a hand. “Just let me finish.”

She closes her eyes for a moment and then opens them again. “You listened when no one else could hear me and I really think you saved my life all those years ago. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t stop that guy that night at Jake’s.” She stops and looks down at the ground. “You were always there for me. You never flinched and you never turned me away, even when I asked you to…even when I did things that hurt you.”

If I could hear your voice just one more time
Maybe I’d be fine

She looks up and meets his unwavering gaze. “I am so sorry I was never that kind of friend to you.”

She takes a step back from him, clutches at the strap of her purse. “I just needed to tell you all that before I tell you this last thing. I hope, Jason, that you find happiness. I really, truly hope you do. Because the only thing I’ve ever wanted for you…was for you to be happy.”

He looks at her for a moment and swallows hard. “That’s all I ever wanted for you, Elizabeth. And…I’m sorry, too.”

But I guess I won’t
Cause it’s too late now

She blinks and tilts her head to the side. “For what?” she asks.

“For not trying,” he replies. “For letting you walk away. For leaving you by yourself at that time. For not telling you about Sonny. For pushing you away. There’s a lot to apologize for.”

She sighs and looks away. “Can I just ask one question? I just…I need to ask it for my own sanity.”

And I guess you’re gone
Cause it’s too late now

He nods and she looks at the ground. “When you weren’t at the penthouse…you weren’t with Courtney were you?”

She can hear the sharp intake of break and she looks up instantly, horrified that she might actually be right.

“I know…there’s something between you,” she says, softly, the tears burning her eyes. “She was in yesterday and I told her about AJ hiring the investigator. See, I overheard him and the guy said Courtney hadn’t been at home. I asked her…and she said that she’d been at Mike’s. And then she asked me to cover for her so she could check on him.” She stops and takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. “But Mike called. He hadn’t seen her in days. So when Courtney left…I…” Her cheeks flush and her eyes dart to the side. “I followed her.”

“Elizabeth—”

“So, I just need to know,” she cuts in, looking up at him again. “That whatever it is going on…it didn’t start before I left, did it? I mean…you meant the things you said that night, right?” She licked her lips nervously.

And the pain I feel
Is all I can take

He exhaled slowly. “It didn’t start until last month, I swear. Elizabeth, I could never do that to you. I was guarding Brenda at the safe house the nights I didn’t come home. Nothing happened between me and Courtney.” He takes and deep breath. He tilts her chin up so he could look her fully in the eyes. “And I meant what I said that night.”

Her eyes soften. She believes him.

As if realizing a second too late how close he is to her, he lets go of her chin and steps back. She blinks back the tears again and looks away.

Maybe this turn of karma
Is too late

“Just be happy,” she whispers. She turns away and goes inside the diner, hurrying behind the counter.

Her blonde co-worker gives her a weak smile as she ties the green apron around her waist.

And for the first time, she recognizes the guilt swimming in the other woman’s eyes.

And it almost chokes her.

Maybe I was wrong
Maybe I was caught in a net of passion

The shift crawls by and she finds her thoughts drifting to the courtyard time and time again.

It’s still there—the connection. She can feel it and she knows he felt it, too. It was in the way he spoke, the way his eyes looked at her, the he touched her skin.

She could feel that his feelings hadn’t changed or gone away. And neither has hers.

But it didn’t matter anymore.

Maybe I was caught
Maybe I should take it all with salt

Whether or not he felt the same, he’d moved on. He was married—and dating someone else. Anyway she looked at it—

Their chance had passed.

They’d never had a chance, to be honest.

And that in itself spoke volumes.

And soon I’ll believe that it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault

She was the reason they never had a chance. She’d pulled away, walked away and pushed him away for so long…

And now he’d gone away on his accord. He’d found someone who gave him her love freely and without terms, without conditions. She didn’t hold back, she didn’t run away.

Things she couldn’t give him. Things she’d never be able to give him.

And it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault

She pulls her coat on after her shift. She walks through the snow once again to her empty studio.

Its only inhabitants besides herself the memories of a friendship that had once upon time…meant the world to her.

And if she was honest with herself, it still did.

And it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault

She opens the door and frowns, seeing the single white sheet of paper laying on the ground. She kneels and picks it up.

I still mean them.

She smiles then…a real genuine smile.

Maybe it still meant something to him, too.

And it’s not my fault
If I say it enough
I’ll believe that it’s not my fault

Inspiration

This was written after Sonny had faked his death in early September 2002. It was quickly apparent that Elizabeth didn’t know he was alive, and that Jason was unhappy to be lying to her. I heard this song by Corey Taylor and it just put me into the mind of Jason and how I thought he must be feeling. It remains one of my all-time favorite songs.

Recap

In September 2002, Sonny faked his death to throw off Luis Alcazar who had ordered Roy DiLucca to carry out the hit. He shot Sonny to death outside of St. Timothy’s (Or Queen of Angels, I can never remember which church is which), the same church where Sonny left Brenda at the altar. Jason found Brenda there and got her away. Later, we learned that Elizabeth was not brought into the plan, despite living with Jason at the penthouse and their conversation about wanting to be together.

This particular story is an episode tag — Elizabeth has just heard about Sonny’s death, opened the penthouse door, and found Courtney hugging Jason.

Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which
I cater

His hand pauses at the penthouse door. Jason knows once he opens it, there’s no turning back. He walks in—Elizabeth will have heard the news of Sonny’s death. She’ll try to comfort him.

And he’ll have to lie to her.

You don’t need to bother
I don’t need to be
I’ll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won’t let go ’til it bleeds

Elizabeth sits on the other side of the door. She is staring into space—a plate of brownies still in her hand. She doesn’t know why she made them—brownies would never make up for Carly’s loss. Maybe making the brownies is a way for Elizabeth to feel useful.

She tries to remain calm and rational. Courtney is—was—Sonny’s sister. She’s probably upset, Elizabeth tells herself. She ran into Jason and he was comforting her. Jason is a good person—he’d never let anyone sit and cry.

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest

Jason’s hand falls away from the knob. He promised her once he’d be honest with her—and he doesn’t want to break that promise. But he doesn’t see how it would be possible to keep that promise to Elizabeth and remain loyal to Sonny’s wishes.

And Sonny’s wishes were clear. Only Carly. And only after the funeral. Jason doesn’t agree—he saw Carly just a few moments ago. She’s barely holding it together. Jason takes a deep breath and turns the knob.

I wish I had a reason
My flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

He enters and frowns as he sees Elizabeth sitting on the couch, a plate of brownies in her hand. She’s not eating them—she’s staring into space. At the sound of his entry, her head snaps to him. The plate clatters to the floor as she jumps up and practically throws herself into his arms.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” she whispers. She decides to forget what she saw in the hallway. She trusts Jason and she trusts Courtney. “I’m so sorry about Sonny.”

You don’t need to bother
I don’t need to be
I’ll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won’t let go ’til it bleeds

Jason tenses at the mention of Sonny. For one brief second, he allowed himself to forget that he was keeping this from her—that he was allowing her to grieve someone she cared about—and he didn’t want her false comfort. Because he thought that might make it worse.

Elizabeth feels him tense and pulls away. Something’s not right. He’s not looking at her and his arms fall away from her. She takes a step back and studies him. She decides something is definitely off. He’s sad—but she senses it’s not for Sonny.

Wish I’d died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
With its memories
Diaries left
With cryptic entries

“Jason—” she begins.

“I just came to let you know I was all right,” he cuts in, not wanting to hear her say she was sorry again or to ask how he was. Because he’s afraid that if she asks, he might tell her.

And that he might go against Sonny without even thinking about it is a terrifying idea that he doesn’t want to have think about it right now.

Because he realizes now that he can’t lie to her. Just as he can read her eyes, she can read his. And somehow, she’d see the truth. And she’ll try to find out.

And then Jason would really have to lie to her then.

And you don’t need to bother
I don’t need to be
I’ll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I won’t let go ’til it bleeds

He heads towards the steps, head down. He’s hurting her and he knows it. He’s already broke the promise that seemed important to Elizabeth. But he also knows lying is much worse—after Sarah and Lucky, he desperately didn’t want to be the next person who lied.

But he’s also not telling her the truth—and he knows she’ll consider that a lie. And when found out, Jason knows there’s a very good possibility she’d walk out that door and never look back.

Part of Jason realizes that would be the best thing. She’d be safe—and he’d be safe too. But a much larger and dominant part of Jason realizes that if she walked out that door, part of him would too. And somehow, he has a feeling that he might not be able to handle that.

So Jason will be selfish—he won’t tell her the truth. He’ll have faith that Elizabeth will trust him—trust that he wanted to tell her, but couldn’t. And the first chance he got, he would tell her so. That he’d hurt to her so he wouldn’t have to lie. And she might forgive that.

You don’t need to bother
I don’t need to be
I’ll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on
I’ll never live down my deceit

But Jason would never forgive himself for walking up the stairs from the woman he loved—who only wanted to comfort him and be there for him.

And somehow, the idea that someone would want to…is harder to accept that the idea that he had to lie.

January 26, 2014

This entry is part 3 of 3 in the First Do No Harm

10Don’t you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than me
And I gave till it all went away

December 6, 2007

Morgan & Corinthos Warehouse: Coffee Shop

There were many things that Lesley Lu Spencer was not proud of. She was not proud that she destroyed a marriage, that she had not told her brother the truth about Cady’s paternity, and instead allowed Jason to interrupt the wedding and announce the truth.

And she was not proud of the way she had participated in her family’s treatment of Elizabeth after the truth had been revealed. Lucky had publicly denounced her, Luke had given her the cold shoulder and Nikolas…well, he’d stopped speaking to Elizabeth completely.

And Lulu had used every opportunity to berate her former sister-in-law, whether she was in public or in private, whether her children were in tow or not.

Not her proudest year all in all.

Her outlook on the situation had begun to change after the custody battle was initiated. While Lulu could never agree with Elizabeth’s decision to keep the truth from everyone involved and then ask Jason to give up his rights to his child, she couldn’t understand why Jason would have gone to such lengths to take Cady away, to humiliate Elizabeth to the degree that a judge had found her an unfit parent completely.

She wasn’t particularly proud of the fact that she had not stood up for Elizabeth then, the way Elizabeth had always stood up for her—that she hadn’t taken Elizabeth’s side at least once. Elizabeth had been the first to take her side when Lulu herself had been pregnant and Elizabeth had always been the one to stop by the Spencer house when her own father and brothers had ignored her.

Elizabeth had been her sister longer than she’d been her brother’s wife and Lulu wasn’t sure if she could forgive herself for forgetting the fact.

Sitting here, in this coffee shop, she watched Sam and Jason across the room with Cady in a carrier seat. Jason was speaking in low tones and whatever he was saying, Sam wasn’t happy with. Good, Lulu thought. She should be as miserable as Elizabeth. Lulu had no doubt that Sam had somehow engineered this tragedy.

“Earth to the Blonde One.”

Lulu jumped when Spinelli snapped his fingers in front of her face. “What? When?”

“Nothing. You were just spacing. What has you so distracted?”

Lulu started to shake her head but she realized she had an opportunity to make things right—to make up for her actions of the past year and be a better person.

Someone her mother would be proud of.

“Have you noticed anything odd about the whole…” Lulu gestured towards the Stepford Family From Hell. “I just—I can’t make myself accept that someone would give them a child over Elizabeth.”

“Dude, Stone Cold swears there was no monkey business but I figure he’s in denial.” Spinelli slurped his latte. “I mean, dude forgot he was suing for complete custody. Maybe he can’t face what he did.”

Lulu narrowed her eyes. “What do you mean, he forgot?”

“I was attempting to convince Stone Cold to hand Little Goddess back so that, you know, I could get some sleep and he said that she had practically forced him to file for joint custody.”

“But he filed for complete custody,” Lulu said. “That’s not something you forget.”

“He’s just so wigged out right now, probably a guilt thing. I bet he’s regretting giving Former Goddess the go ahead at all—”

“Wait—” Lulu held up her hand. “Sam handled the custody papers?”

“Stone Cold couldn’t seem to bring himself to do it, but the more Nightingale refused to let him visit the kid—”

“Jason stopped visiting Cady,” Lulu said. “Robin told me that Sam showed up one day and stated that he was tired of coming to her apartment, that Elizabeth disgusted him—”

“No, no, Blonde One, you must have misunderstood,” Spinelli shook his head. “If Stone Cold had had his way, they’d all be one big happy family. He totally worships her—”

“But he still took her kids away.”

“Well, yeah, that’s got me pretty stumped,” Spinelli admitted. “But he was always happier after a visit with them. I figured, before long, the dynamics of the situation would be different. Former Goddess would be out and Nightingale would be in.”

“Well, duh, I think we all saw that coming–” Lulu tapped her fingers. “How easy would it have been for Sam to file for complete custody instead of joint? I mean, would Jason have caught on?”

“I don’t think so,” Spinelli admitted reluctantly. “He seemed pretty broken up by the whole affair. He just told Sam to call Diane and file the papers.”

“Which means that Jason could have easily meant to file for joint custody. Sam’s the common factor, Spinelli. She was the go between—”

“No way, she wouldn’t do that,” Spinelli argued.

“She used to make her living as a con artist. She knows how to play people against each other.” Lulu sat back in her chair. “Now all we have to do is prove it.”

Spinelli narrowed his eyes. “I thought we were looking for your dad.”

“He always comes back,” Lulu stated. “This is more important.”

“Forgive me, Blonde One, for pointing out the obvious but you don’t even like Nightingale these days—”

“Why should that matter?” Lulu demanded. “You don’t always have to like family, but you do have to look out for them.”

11
And we’ve only surrendered
To the worst part of these winters we’ve madeDecember 10, 2007

General Hospital: Doctor’s Lounge

“I still think we should go with the eggshell for the living room,” Robin said, holding up a paint sample. Patrick glanced up from his medical journal.

“You mean the white?”

She narrowed her eyes. “You only say that to annoy me. You know eggshell is not the same thing white.” Robin huffed.

“Uh huh, and ivory and off white are different too,” he murmured. “White’s fine, Robin.”

“Eggshell,” Robin repeated. “Eggshell.”

“Eggshell,” Patrick echoed. “You should throw in some yolk.” He brightened to this. “We should make it a breakfast theme, maybe get some pictures of bacon to hang on the wall and sausage shaped pillows for the sofa.”

Robin rolled her eyes. “Yolk’s not a color.”

“Oh, of course not. That would be silly.”

Before Robin could open a can of whoop ass and make Patrick give a damn about the house color scheme that was due to the painters by the end of the week, Elizabeth sat down at their table. “Hey,” Robin hastily shut her binder and shoved it out of sight. She immediately felt guilty—her focus should be on helping Elizabeth get her kids back, not worrying about what color to paint a living room she didn’t technically own yet. “How are you doing today?”

“Better,” Elizabeth said. “I ran into Jason yesterday and he let me hold Cady.” Her hands shook a bit as she sipped her tea. “I almost didn’t want to give her back but running away with her wouldn’t have solved anything. The only thing that gets me through any of this is that I know he’s a good father and that he loves her. That much will always be true.”

“You’re too nice,” Patrick grumbled. “You need to get pissed off, Liz.”

“I am.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “And now I’m desperate. If Jason isn’t willing to follow the law with this, I don’t see why I should either. Robin, I think it’s time I spoke to your father.”

“About time—” Patrick began but Robin held up a hand silencing him.

“You know it’s not that easy,” Robin softly. “If you disappear, if you take Cameron and Cady away, you can’t come back. You can’t ever come back. You can’t make contact; you have to leave everyone behind.”

“I know that,” Elizabeth swallowed hard. “And it’s not something I decided on a whim. The truth is that the only people I would miss are you and Patrick. No one else has stood by me the way you two have. You both stood up for me in court and I’m not sure I would be able to stay sane if not for you.”

“I appreciate that—” Robin started.

“We’d miss you, no mistake about that,” Patrick interrupted. “But you know I’m behind you in this. You have to do what’s necessary to get your kids back and Jason’s blocked every legal channel. He’s left you no choice and he deserves what’s coming to him.”

“No argument there,” Robin agreed. “Listen, I’ll call my dad and see if he’ll come to town. There’s no reason we can’t try a few other options first, maybe arrange some back door dealing of my own. Let’s make disappearing our last resort, okay?”

“All right,” Elizabeth nodded. “That sounds fair but I’m not going to live without my kids. I need my little boy back.” She hesitated. “I think I could have survived losing Cady. Jason’s a good father and she’d be well provided for…but Cam’s living in some group home. He’s scared and he doesn’t know what’s going on.” Her voice broke. “He needs his mom.”

“I’m going to make sure you get your kids back—both of them,” Patrick promised, “if I have to kidnap them myself. This isn’t over, Elizabeth.”

After they had left, Emily stepped out from behind a door that led to the other hallway. She pressed a fist to her mouth and wondered where her loyalties were supposed to lie now.

12
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn inMorgan Penthouse

Her knocks going unanswered, Emily pushed open the door to the penthouse. Her ears were immediately filled with her niece’s frantic cries. Two weeks after her removal from her mother’s home and still, Cady hadn’t adjusted.

Emily supposed that said it all.

She climbed the stairs and entered Cady’s nursery, remembering the day Jason had asked her to set it up. She had wondered if Sam would be a better choice, but her brother hadn’t agreed. Emily thought maybe Jason was beginning to see what most people had known for months—that Sam was on her way out and Elizabeth was on her way in.

And yet, just six months later, the situation was completely different. It seemed that Elizabeth and Jason would never find their way to one another and Sam was going to be sticking around.

The idea of it made her slightly ill.

Jason was seated in the rocking chair, rubbing small circles into his daughter’s back. He was speaking to her softly, Emily couldn’t make out the words but it wasn’t soothing Cady. She knew what she wanted and she wasn’t getting it in this penthouse.

“Jase?” Emily said softly. “We have to talk.”

Jason glanced up at her. “It’s not a good time.”

“It will never be a good time.” Determined, Emily strode forward and took Cady into her arms. As if sensing that this was not a person directly responsible for taking her from her mother, the infant quieted. Emily sighed and kissed her cheek before settling the infant in her crib. “Jason, this has to stop.”

Her brother scrubbed his hands over his eyes and nodded. “I know, but I don’t know how to make this right. I don’t even know what happened.”

“Jase…why did you sue for complete custody?” Emily asked. She knelt in front of him and did her best to meet his eyes. “How could you want to take Cady away?”

“I didn’t file for—Elizabeth filed for complete custody. She wouldn’t let me see Cady, she—”

“In your heart, you know that’s not true.” Emily chewed her lip. “You know Elizabeth better than anyone. You always have. You know she would never keep you from Cady.”

“I thought I did, but when Sam told me—”

“Sam?” Emily cocked her head to the side. “What does Sam have to do with any of this?”

“She’s the one that told me Elizabeth didn’t want me in Cady’s life anymore,” Jason explained. “I was running late for my day with Cady and I asked Sam to pick her up. Maybe that wasn’t the best solution, but I knew Elizabeth had to be at work and I didn’t want to be the reason she was late. But Sam came home without her and said that Elizabeth was refusing to let me see Cady anymore, that she didn’t want me anywhere near her.”

“And you believed that?” Emily asked, incredulously. “You didn’t think to ask Elizabeth yourself?”

“I tried,” Jason argued. “I called her but she was crying and then she hung up on me. I went to see her, but she slammed the door in my face. Sam thought maybe if we filed for joint custody, Elizabeth would change her mind or the judge would give me visitation rights but—”

“Jason…you filed for complete custody,” Emil said softly. “I was with Elizabeth when she got served. She was devastated but…”

“No,” Jason shook his head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sam filed—”

“Sam again,” Emily muttered. “Jason, exactly what part of this custody battle did you handle? Because it sounds like you took Sam’s word for everything. That Elizabeth was denying you visitation, that Sam filed for joint custody…I bet Sam handled all the preparation, telling Diane where to look for all that damaging information—”

“No, Sam was just trying to help—”

“More like she was helping herself to your kid!” Emily exploded. She jumped to her feet. “Jesus, Jason, don’t be so damn blind! For months all Sam could talk about was having your child and then she had to watch as Elizabeth replaced her in every way. She saw her opening and she took it. Sam’s a con artist, there’s nothing more she knows better than playing a mark and you know it.”

And the trouble was that of course he knew it. Elizabeth had never once said to his face that she would deny him access to Cady. She had never given him any indication that she was planning to either. She was honest.

And Sam had had free reign over the custody battle. He’d been too sick with guilt and misery to realize just how much she had controlled it. He hadn’t even bothered to tell Diane what would be off limits. Elizabeth’s rape, her marriage to Ric, the faking of her own death…how could he have let his lawyer rip her apart that way?

“Jason, if you don’t make this right, if you don’t fix this, Elizabeth is going to take her kids and disappear,” Emily cautioned softly. “And I’m not sure you wouldn’t deserve it right now.”

13
And there’ll be no rest for these tired eyes
I’m marking it down to learning
I amKelly’s Courtyard

“You look tired.”

Sam paused at the door and turned back to find Lulu smirking at her from the entrance to the parking lot. “What do you care?”

“I don’t.” Lulu sauntered forward. “You know, I never really liked you. Mostly because I couldn’t understand what anyone saw you in you. The way I heard it was that you were a two bit con artist.”

“I don’t have to listen to this—” Sam gripped the door handle but Lulu grabbed her arm and shoved her back.

“You do have to listen,” Lulu snarled. “You will stand there and you will listen to me. You are poison, Sam. You destroy everything you touch. You took your own mother’s solid marriage and drove them into divorce court. You wrecked your sisters’ lives, but that doesn’t seem to matter to me—”

“What do you know about it, you little bitch?” Sam demanded. “That was all on Ric—”

“I’m not saying he wasn’t at fault, but I know you weren’t blameless. You’re a filthy slut and you know it. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had seduced him. And then you have the nerve to hold a one night against Jason and Elizabeth. One night where they needed each other, because he had seen you gyrating on your own stepfather and she had seen her husband with another filthy little slut. You had the nerve to make that about you. But even that’s not why I hate you.”

“Oh really?”

“I hate you because you have no regard for the collateral damage.” Lulu paused. “Kristina and Molly don’t have their parents together anymore. Cameron is just a little boy and he should be with his mother,” Lulu said. “Cady deserves to have her mother and that’s what really pisses you off. You knew Jason was slipping away, that he was going to end up with Elizabeth and those kids by the end of the year. You know how to play people against each other, Sam, it’s your only real talent. I pity you for that. You’ll never know real love, real friendship, real family. When you look at person, all you see is what you can get from them.”

Lulu stepped back from her. “And what really ticks you off? You know this can’t last forever. Sooner or later, Jason’s going to take the blinders off and he’s going to realize what you did to him, to Elizabeth. He might have been able to put that behind him, but what you did to Cameron and Cady?” Lulu shook her head. “I’d cut my ties and run now, Sam. Because Jason doesn’t tend to let people who hurt his kids live.”

She sent the silent woman a jaunty little wave and walked out of the courtyard.

14
I am all that I’ll ever be
When you – lay your hands
Over me but don’t go weak on me nowElizabeth’s Apartment

December 15, 2007

Elizabeth stared at the blank piece of paper. She was trying to write her grandmother, to explain why she could not see her anymore, why she would never hear from her again but the words wouldn’t come. She and her grandmother weren’t exactly on the best of terms, but they rarely were.

For as long as Elizabeth had lived in Port Charles, Audrey had been her constant. Despite their arguments and their differences of opinions, her grandmother had been there for her when it mattered and she never held their problems against Cameron or Cady. She loved her great-grandchildren and losing them had almost broken her as well.

She wondered if perhaps Audrey would consider disappearing with her. There was no family left, Steven and Sarah never wrote, never called and Elizabeth couldn’t remember the last time that she had heard from her parents. She would have to ask Robert if it was a possibility.

Now that she had made her decision to disappear, she was impatient for Robin to find her father and arrange for him to come to Port Charles. She wanted this to be over this.

She wanted to hold her children.

A hesitant knock sounded at the door. Elizabeth stared at it for a long time before rising to answer it.

“What do you want?” she said, scathingly. She kept the door propped open only a few inches—she didn’t want Jason to think he was welcome.

“We need to talk, Elizabeth. We need to fix this,” he told her. “Just you and me. No Sam. No Patrick or Robin. You and me. This is about our children—” he stopped himself. He hadn’t realized that he considered Cameron his son until the word had tumbled from his mouth. “No one else needs to be involved.”

“All right,” Elizabeth said warily. She stepped back and slid the door open to allow him entrance. “What do you want?”

“Do you have copies of the papers from the custody hearing?” Jason asked. “The papers you were served with?”

She stared at him, wondering if he could be that cruel but somewhere inside her—the small piece of her heart that had always insisted that this was a mistake, that he loved her and she loved him—that piece of her answered. “Yes.”

“I need to see them, I need to see what you received,” he told her. “Please.”

Bewildered, she crossed to her desk and removed a thick folder. She flipped through several sections before she found what he was looking for her. She handed them to him and watched him as he skimmed through them.

He swallowed hard and raised his eyes to meet hers. “This isn’t what I asked Sam to do.”

“I don’t…” Elizabeth shook her head. “What are you talking about?”

“I asked Sam to file for visitation rights, for joint custody.” Jason clenched his fist, wrinkling the papers without thinking. “This says complete custody, that I think you’re an unfit mother.”

“That’s what you said in court—” Elizabeth stopped and she blinked. “But you didn’t. You didn’t testify. You never said a word in court.”

“I couldn’t…” he stopped. “From start to finish, the whole situation felt wrong but I never figured out why. I couldn’t believe we were in court at all, and I just—I never asked Diane to do what she did. I never wanted her to go where she did. All I wanted was for her to prove that I was fit to see Cady.”

“Which she did. By proving what a mess I am,” Elizabeth folded her arms. “What is the point of this? What is the point of going over what we did, what we didn’t do—”

“I trusted Sam more than I should have. I asked her to contact Diane, she filed the custody papers and she met with the lawyer. I couldn’t—I couldn’t bring myself to do any of it.”

“Are you trying to tell me that this is Sam’s fault?” Elizabeth demanded. “Is that your excuse?”

“No—” Jason stepped forward. “No, I just want you to understand that I never wanted any of this. I wanted—” he paused but forced himself to continue. “I wanted our family. You, me, Cady, and Cameron—I never wanted—”

“So you never said that I was a bad mother and that you wanted me out of Cady’s life?” Elizabeth interrupted. “And I suppose Sam said something equally nasty to you about why I wouldn’t let you see Cady—”

“She told me you didn’t want me around anymore—”

“That’s fine,” Elizabeth broke in. “It even makes some sense but it doesn’t fix anything, Jason. Because you still believed her. You still sat in court while Diane Miller interrogated me about my rape, about my marriage to Ric, my marriage to Lucky, the fact that Cady was conceived while I was still married—all the things that made me look like poor trash—you sat there and you never said a word.”

“I know—”

“I want my daughter back,” Elizabeth cut in. “I want my son back. You can have all the visitation you want and when Cady is older, you can have her for weekends and holidays. We can work out whatever arrangements you want but you and I are done. Maybe we were heading somewhere before, it’s impossible to know that now.”

“Elizabeth, I know my apology isn’t enough,” he began.

“It’s not. All the apologies in the world will never make up for the last few months of my life,” Elizabeth said. “Because you never spoke up. You knew something was wrong and you still sat quiet.” She tilted her head to the side. “Was this payback? For asking you to stay silent about Cady? For my attempting to go back to Lucky?”

“No, I would never do that—”

“Probably not,” Elizabeth agreed softly. “I don’t deny that I hurt you. I’ve hurt you a thousand times in a thousand ways since we became friends and maybe I deserved to be dragged into court for what I put you through last year but I didn’t deserve to have my son taken from me, for you to bring that woman into my home to take my daughter. Bring my kids home, Jason. Maybe then I’ll be in a better frame of mind to discuss making amends.”

Jason nodded. “I’ve already contacted the necessary judges. Sam bribed them for the outcome—I’m doing the same to vacate the ruling. I’ll have Cameron and Cady back to you tomorrow at the latest.”

“Fine.” She pushed past him and opened the door. “I don’t want you in my home right now.”

15
I know that it’s weak
But God help me I need thisHospital: Doctor’s Lounge

December 16, 2007

Elizabeth found Patrick grumbling over paint samples the next day. “Where’s Robin?” she asked, stopping at the vending machine.

“Probably devising some other method to torture me. Maybe a furniture catalog.” He set the samples aside and turned his attention to her. “Are you having second thoughts?”

“Well, if this afternoon goes the way I was promised, I won’t need them.” Elizabeth hesitated. “Jason came by yesterday. He asked to see my copy of the custody papers.”

“What, to drive the knife in further? If I didn’t need these hands to pay off this house—”

“No, no,” she shook her head. “He told me that Sam had been in charge of everything, filing, meeting with the lawyer and he found out she was the one that paid off the judges.”

“Way to shove the blame aside,” Patrick said. “But it wouldn’t surprise me. So, he’s giving Cady back. Is he greasing the wheels to give you Cameron?”

“He said he’d have them back by this afternoon.” She met his eyes. “But I’m terrified that it won’t happen. That I might never see my son again. It’s been three weeks since I’ve hugged him, tucked him in…” she stopped and closed her eyes. “Jason seemed to think that finding out how it happened and getting my children back fixed everything. That it could all go back to the way it was before.”

“But it can’t,” Patrick said. “Because he believed Sam in the first place.” He tapped the samples absently. “I’m not a deep introspective person, Liz. But Robin’s drummed a few things into my head the last year or two and I don’t blame you for being angry. He sat back and watched it happen.”

“Exactly my point. How can I ever feel the same way about him?” Elizabeth asked. “How can I ever trust him?”

“I can’t answer the second, but you know the first hasn’t changed and I think that pisses you off the most. Last year, when Robin left me, pretended to be with Nikolas…” he shook his head. “I was pissed. I was hurt, yeah, but more than that, I wanted to hurt her- to hurt him. After everything we’d been through together, after almost losing her barely a month before, how could I have forgiven her?”

“She did that to protect you,” Elizabeth answered. “Who was Jason protecting?”

“Probably nobody. My point is—and I say this even though I hate him and I think you deserve better—my point is that you loved him before this happened and I don’t think that’s changed.”

“No,” Elizabeth admitted. “And you’re right. That makes me even angrier. That after all we’ve been through, after all we’ve done to each other, that nothing’s changed. I still love him as much as I did when I was eighteen.” She laughed brokenly. “It’s not fair.”

16
I will not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn inMorgan Penthouse

Sam entered the penthouse, fighting back a yawn. She was not looking forward to another night of listening to Cady scream.

This had never been the plan. She was supposed to be the perfect mother so that Jason would love her again and never leave her. But Cady was not cooperating and Sam could see her dreams running down the drain. If a no one like Lulu Spencer could see through this, then how much longer would Jason put up with his daughter’s unhappiness?

She was losing everything and she couldn’t figure out how to con her way back inside.

She closed the door and started up the steps. Something caught the corner of her eye and she turned to find Spinelli on the couch, cradling Cady. A quiet Cady.

Sam smiled faintly. “She’s not crying.”

Spinelli stood and Sam frowned as the usually verbose young man couldn’t quite meet her eyes and said nothing to her, only kept his attention on his charge. “Spinelli, where’s Jason?”

“Right here.”

Sam turned to find Jason descending the stairs, Cady’s bright pink diaper bag over one arm and a small suitcase in his hand. “W-What’s going on?” she asked, shakily.

“Little Goddess is returning to her former abode,” Spinelli said. He patted Cady’s back. “Do you want me to take her down to the car while you…ah…handle things?”

“Yeah, go ahead. Tell Milo I’ll be right down.” Jason waited until Spinelli was gone before turning back to Sam. “I want you out of here when I get back. Take whatever you want, I don’t care. I just want you gone.”

“I don’t understand,” Sam stepped forward, to reach out to him. “What happened? Why are you doing this to me, to our family?”

“This is not our family,” Jason said coldly. “This is my family. This is Elizabeth’s family. These last few months—the custody hearings—was a mistake. And I’m making it right.”

“Jason, wait a second, I did this for you—so you could have your daughter—”

“I had my daughter. You destroyed Elizabeth’s life, took away her children—” he shook his head. “I don’t owe you any explanations. You have an hour. If you’re not out by then, I’ll have you removed.

He walked out of the door and Sam watched him go, still not understanding what had just happened to her.

17
And there’ll be no rest for these tired eyes
I’m marking it down to learning
I’m marking it down to learning
‘Cause I amElizabeth’s Apartment

Elizabeth opened the door and found Spinelli in the hallway, carrying Cady. “I come bringing the Little Goddess in hopes you can make her happier than we have.” He held her out and Elizabeth took her daughter, holding her for the second time in three weeks.
She stared at her daughter’s face, smoothing her fingertips across Cady’s soft skin. “Where’s Jason?”

“Stone Cold had another stop to make.” Spinelli hoisted the suitcase into his hand. “Shall I bring her things in?”

“Yes, yes, come in.” Elizabeth stepped back and let him in. She closed the door and pressed her lips to Cady’s head. “Oh, God, I never thought this day would come. I didn’t think—” Cady cooed and laughed and reached for the strands of her mother’s hair.

“Stone Cold was most adamant about correcting his grievous injustices. The unnamed one was given one hour to remove herself from our humble abode.” Spinelli coughed. “I hope this means the supply of your most bodacious brownies will flow once more.”

“Anything you want, Spinelli. I’ll make a batch just for you after…” Elizabeth stopped and stared as Jason pushed open the door, Cameron’s small hand in his. “Cameron.”

“Mommy!” Cameron wrenched his hand from Jason’s and ran forward. Elizabeth knelt and gathered Cameron in her other arm, shifting Cady to the side. “Mommy!”

“Oh, baby, baby,” Elizabeth showered kisses on Cameron’s face, his curls, his cheeks. “Are you all right? Are you hungry? Can I get you anything?”

“I missed you, Mommy.” Cameron burrowed. “Why did I have to go away? Was I bad?”

“Oh, baby, no, no…” Elizabeth started to cry. Jason motioned for Spinelli to retrieve Cady. He bent down behind Cameron.

“Your mommy had nothing do with you going away. That was my fault,” he told him.

Cameron sniffled and rubbed his hand under his nose. He turned to Jason with those big brown eyes. “You don’t like me no more?”

“That’s not it, buddy. I made some mistakes and I trusted the wrong people. Your mommy wanted to bring you home so much.”

“Okay.” Cameron seemed to accept that his mother was blameless and wrapped his arms around her neck once more. “Can I have some pizza? I missed pizza.”

Elizabeth laughed and nodded. “I think there’s some frozen pizza in the kitchen. Spinelli, can you take him in? He likes to help put it on the cookie sheet.”

“Aye aye, Nightingale. Come, Young One, we shall make some munchies.” Spinelli cradled Cady gently and directed Cameron into kitchen.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Elizabeth stepped towards Jason. “Thank you…thank you so much for bringing my babies home. For making sure I had them before Christmas.” She pressed her fingers to her lips, struggling to regain her composure. “You can’t know how much it means to me.”

Jason nodded. “I know I can never make it right or ask you to forgive me, but maybe we could find a way to get past this.” He held out his hand. “Please.”

Elizabeth stared at his hand for a long moment, remembering the times she had taken it, and the times that she hadn’t. Maybe she couldn’t forgive him, but she couldn’t just forget the months after Cady was born—when she could almost believe they were a family.

She placed her hand in his. “We can try.”

This entry is part 2 of 3 in the First Do No Harm

6
And we softly surrender
To these lives that we’ve tendered awayDecember 5, 2007

General Hospital: Chief of Staff’s Office

“I’m concerned for one of my nurses.”

Epiphany Johnson didn’t enjoy asking doctors for help, she certainly didn’t enjoy going to a Quartermaine about this particular nurse but she’d been left without any alternatives.

“If you have an issue, you should take it up with Bobbie Spencer or Audrey Hardy,” Monica Quartermaine said absently as she examined a list of items for the board meeting that afternoon.

“It’s not an issue of her work,” Epiphany continued, “but her mental health and I thought I could appeal to you.”

That brought Monica’s head up and she frowned. “Elizabeth,” she realized. She set her pen down. “She’s not handling the custody ruling well?”

“Would you?” Epiphany demanded. “Some judge who don’t know a damn thing about you or yours taking away your babies? Would you be able to function?”

“No.” Monica sighed and rubbed her forehead. “No, I wouldn’t. Is she showing up for work?”

“She’s doing the job,” Epiphany confirmed. “But she used to take initiative, she used to spend time with the patients, look out for them. She was taking some of the new hires under her wing, functioning as a mentor to some of the volunteers. She was making a name for herself, Dr. Quartermaine. Well on her way to becoming a charge nurse.” The nurse shifted. “I don’t like what I’m seeing from her. She’s lost her babies, she’s lost a lot of her support system and the hospital gossip is that she’s been unsuccessful in getting an appeal filed, that your son has blocked her from doing anything to overturn the ruling by lining the pockets of clerks and judges.”

“I won’t pretend I know the situation,” Monica said. “Or that I particularly agree with what Jason has done, but I don’t know what you think I can do.”

“Do what mothers are supposed to do,” Epiphany huffed. “Smack him upside the head and tell him to start treating the girl right. If the situation doesn’t improve, I don’t like the road she’s traveling.”

7
No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in…Morgan Penthouse

Damien Spinelli stepped inside the door and smiled widely. He’d just had the singular most awesome moment in his entire life. Lulu Spencer was hot on the trail of her absent father and after he, the Jackal, had found traces of Luke in England, The Blonde One had hugged him quite fiercely.

He would be able to float for days on that.

If only his motley family type group was having as a good a day as Spinelli, Emperor of the Hot, Grateful Chicks. Little Goddess had cried for a week straight and it was seriously beginning to interfere with the Jackal’s sleep. Stone Cold had been glaring at everyone in sight, though Spinelli was mostly used to that by now.

Life had been quieter before Stone Cold had brought the kid around permanently and life had been happier before the Woman Formerly Known as Goddess had started to muck things up.

Spinelli pursed his lips and started up the steps to his room, reflecting on how much happier Stone Cold had been when Little Goddess was with Nightingale.

Speaking of the miniscule one, he could hear her shrieking all the way down the hall. If this kept up, he was going to have to start looking for alternate lodging and that wasn’t something he was prepared to consider–or afford.

Spinelli ambled down the hallway and lounged against the partially open doorway to find Former Goddess trying to rock Little Goddess to sleep. She didn’t notice him.

“Why won’t you stop crying?” Sam pleaded. Her face was drawn, her hair was limp and she looked like she hadn’t slept in days–which she probably hadn’t, Spinelli reflected. None of them had.

“Please stop crying,” Sam continued, her throat hoarse. “I’m a good mother, I love you so much. I can give you more than Elizabeth, why can’t you just stop crying and go to sleep for me?” She adjusted Cady’s position and tried to rub her back in small circles. “This isn’t fair–after everything I did to get you, all you do is cry! It isn’t fair!”

Spinelli eased away from the door, troubled by the scene. He’d been surprised when Stone Cold had brought the kid home for good because Jason had told him it would probably end in joint custody, which made sense to Spinelli, since each parent had filed for complete custody.

Had Former Goddess messed with things? Spinelli pondered. It wouldn’t really surprise him–she’d been unhappy since the Nightingale had turned to be knocked up by Stone Cold. She’d constantly asked him to bring Cady around more and wondered why she had to spend so much time with Elizabeth, why Jason was always over there.

He’d liked Nightingale. She was usually happy and had cookies around but whenever he’d seen her lately, she’d been quiet and there were usually tearstains on her cheeks. She didn’t look much better than Former Goddess, Spinelli decided.

Maybe it was time to get Stone Cold involved. He would set things right. He could give Little Goddess back to her mother and they could all sleep at night.

8
And there’ll be no rest for these tired eyes
I’m marking it down to learning
I amGeneral Hospital: Cafeteria

Most afternoons, Mac Scorpio would be pleased to have lunch with his niece and her boyfriend. It gave him an opportunity to check in on her, make sure the idiot was still making her relatively happy, which seemed to be case since they were buying a house together. He was still reserving his judgment about that venture.

But today, on this particular day, he wished he were elsewhere.

When Robin was younger, she’d had a habit of asking questions he didn’t quite know how to answer. Thankfully, that had faded as she grew older but today, she was trying to find ways to help Elizabeth Webber and Mac didn’t really know how to answer her questions–something that had been occurring again since the vicious and bitter Morgan-Webber custody battle had started.

How did an alleged mobster and a former con artist get custody of an infant over a hardworking nurse descended from the one of the most respected families in the entire city?

Not fairly, Mac agreed.

How could people who had always professed to be someone’s family or best friend like Nikolas or Emily just suddenly abandon Elizabeth without a second thought?

Selfish bastards, Mac had told himself.

How could someone survive losing their children, knowing that if things didn’t change, their daughter would grow up thinking someone else was her mother?

Probably couldn’t, Mac had admitted silently.

“Hoes does one go about bribing judges?” Patrick wondered. “Do you just pick one and go with it?”

And now the boyfriend was going to ask questions Mac didn’t have an answer to, though he could certainly sympathize with Patrick. As Elizabeth’s last remaining friends, the two were now resorting to breaking the law and in their place, Mac wasn’t entirely sure he’d do anything different.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that,” Mac said, choosing the safest answer. “I’d hate to arrest you.”

“Well, I don’t know what else to do,” Robin said, tossing her napkin on her tray. “Patrick and I can’t offer much more than moral support until after the new year because everything’s tied up in the house but the one appeal Elizabeth’s lawyer filed before she had to let him go was rejected.”

Mac frowned. “Rejected? How did it get rejected without even going to court?”

“The clerk said something was missing or some sort of legalese than no one really understood but I don’t know why it matters. Jason clearly isn’t stopping at just taking Cady, he’s making sure she can’t get Cam back either,” Patrick said, disgusted. He saw Emily taking a seat across the room with another intern and narrowed his eyes.

“Stop glaring at Emily,” Robin smacked his hand. “This isn’t entirely her fault and sending her death glares is just going to make things worse.”

“I’m willing to accept that Jason bribed a judge to get custody of Cady,” Mac allowed, “but I’ll tell you, Robin, something about this entire situation has never felt right to me. There are many things I don’t like about Jason Morgan, but he has always been devoted to Elizabeth. It just seems odd that he would have sued her for complete custody.”

“I know but how can you dispute it now?” Robin replied. “He did sue her for complete custody–”

“But he never stood up in court. Sam testified, Carly testified, but Jason himself never got on the stand and said he wanted his daughter away from Elizabeth. It just seems if he was willing to take Cady away, he would have been willing to do that.”

“I know, Uncle Mac, but he did take Cady away–”

“I’m going to give Dara Jensen a call. She works in the DA’s office, maybe she can ask some questions. There might be someone in the family court division that can tell her what’s going on.” Mac shook his head. “Nothing about this seems right.”

9
Don’t wanna be the one who turns the whole thing over
Don’t wanna be somewhere where I just don’t belong
Where it’s not enough just be sorryCorinthos & Morgan Warehouse

The last person Jason wanted to see this morning was Spinelli. It was bad enough that the juvenile delinquent had somehow taken up permanent residence down the hall but for the kid to show up at work–today of all days–it was almost more than he could stand.

“What?” he snapped.

“Dude, chill out, Stone Cold.” Spinelli held up his hands in mock surrender. “I come in peace. I need to talk to you about Sam and Little Goddess–”

Jason sat in his seat behind his desk and put his head in his hands. “It’s none of your business–”

“Au contraire, Silent One,” Spinelli argued. “I have to sleep down the hall and she does not seem to respect the boundaries. Plus, I was on my way here and I ran into Nightingale on the docks and we had the creepiest conversation about water.”

Jason’s head snapped up. “Nightingale?” he repeated. “That’s Elizabeth isn’t it?”

“Dude, I knew sooner or later you’d speak the Spinelli. Everyone does,” he replied cheerfully. “Yeah, she was just standing by the water, staring in so you know, I go to say hi but I don’t think she really knew I was there because she just kept talking about water and how she never really liked the ocean or lakes and hates to swim.” He frowned. “And then she said something about wanting to let go, which did not sound at all cool. Then she just turned and left.”

“Where was she going?” Jason demanded.

“Not sure, Stone Cold, but I actually came here with a proposition,” Spinelli said. He continued to speak even though Jason was standing and pulling on his leather jacket. “I think you should give the judge back his money and give Little Goddess back to the Nightingale.”

Jason stopped and turned to look at the teenager with an irritated glare. “I did not bribe a judge!”

“Whatever, dude. I’m not, like, spreading the word or anything but everyone knows that’s what happened.”

Everyone thought so anyway, Jason thought bitterly. His own mother had stopped by and read him the riot act about bribing judges to take kids away from their mother and now this little miscreant was going to accuse him of the same thing–it was almost more than he could take.

He grabbed Spinelli by the collar and shoved him against a metal cabinet, his feet making a jangling noise as they dangled. “I didn’t steal Cady!”

“Whatever, I’ll toe the line,” Spinelli said, unperturbed by the temper tantrum. He was quite used this. “But seriously, Stone Cold, what do you expect people to think? Pretty hard working nurse loses kids custody of kid to, you know…you?”

Jason set him on his feet and muttered under his breath. “I’m tired of being accused of stealing Cady from Elizabeth, of setting her up to lose her kids. Anyone who thinks I’d do that obviously doesn’t know me.”

“I admit, it does surprise me,” Spinelli agreed. “Because I know you, like, worship the ground her dainty little feet walk on and I always thought she was a pretty awesome mom but I figured you just got tired of Sam complaining about all the time you spent over there.”

“Sam doesn’t even–Elizabeth is the one that stopped letting me see Cady. If she hadn’t done that, I never would have had to file for joint custody.” Jason yanked his cell phone from his pocket. He’d call Elizabeth’s guard to find out where she was.

Spinelli frowned. Maybe Stone Cold was too upset to remember it, but when Former Goddess had filed the papers for him, he’d asked for complete custody.

10
Don’t you know I feel the darkness closing in
Tried to be more than mePort Charles Art Museum

Jason found her sitting in an empty room, surrounded works of art. She hadn’t taken her coat or scarf off, but sat motionlessly on a bench, staring into space.

Cady’s crying caught her attention and Elizabeth snapped her head up, her eyes wide and wary as Jason approached her, their daughter in his arms.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, fighting to keep from snatching Cady away. Her hungry eyes drank in every inch of Cady’s face, her hands, her little legs before looking at Jason. “Are you trying to drive me insane?”

“No,” Jason licked his lips nervously. “Spinelli–he was worried about you and–”

“And what?” she demanded shrilly, taking a step back. “You didn’t think taking Cameron and Cady away from me was enough? You kept me from filing an appeal and now you’re going to parade her in my face?”

Jason shook his head. “Elizabeth, I didn’t do any of that, I didn’t mean–”

“You think I’m stupid?” Elizabeth cried, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why couldn’t it be enough to take Cady? To make me lose my entire family when everyone found out she was yours? Why did you have to take Cameron? Do you hate me that much?”

Cady, upset at her mother’s hysterical voice, started to scream her own protests. She held her hands out to her mother and started to wiggle.

“I don’t hate you at all,” Jason said, his mouth dry. He was having trouble keeping Cady still and in an act of desperation, he strode forward and almost shoved their daughter at her, hoping it would calm them both.

He had to find out why everyone was so positive that he had fixed the results of the custody hearing, why everyone would so readily believe he’d steal Elizabeth’s children out from under her and keep them away. His own mother believed he was blocking Elizabeth’s appeals–but Jason wasn’t even aware that she’d filed any.

Elizabeth clung to her little girl and pressed kisses to her cheeks, choking back her own sobs in an effort to calm Cady. “It’s okay, baby, Mommy’s here.”

“I didn’t pay anyone,” Jason said quietly. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

“You filed for custody in the first place, after you promised me time and time again you would never take me to court.” Elizabeth closed her eyes and pressed her forehead against Cady’s, inhaling her scent, trying to etch it into her memory so that she could recall this later, alone in the lonely apartment.

“You didn’t leave me with much choice,” Jason replied, irritated. “You wouldn’t let me see her–”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “You’re such a liar, I can’t believe I thought I could trust you. I let you have all the access you wanted. You were over every day until you got sick of me and wanted me out of the picture–”

“I never wanted you out of the picture,” Jason interrupted harshly. “You wouldn’t let Sam pick her up–”

“You wanted to take her away me! You told Sam I was terrible mother, that I disgusted you!”

Jason closed his mouth abruptly and stared at the mother of his child, bewildered. “I never said that to you.”

“Not to me, you wouldn’t be that direct,” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “But you sent Sam to do your dirty work. You couldn’t even insult me to my face, you had to send her to do it.”

“I didn’t–” he protested.

“I don’t want to hear it.” Elizabeth kissed Cady once more before reluctantly giving her to Jason. “If it’s the last thing I do, I’ll get my children back.”

“Elizabeth–”

“And when I do get Cady back, the day I take her from you, I promise you, it will be the last time you see her.”

Elizabeth stalked out of the museum, her daughter’s cries echoing behind her.

This entry is part 1 of 3 in the First Do No Harm

No I would not sleep in this bed of lies
So toss me out and turn in…

November 26, 2007

Elizabeth Webber’s Apartment: Living Room

“This is one of the worst things I’ve ever had to see,” Robin Scorpio murmured to her boyfriend as they stood towards the back, watching their friend and co-worker struggling to keep her composure as she related information about her daughter to Sam McCall and Jason Morgan.

“I should rip his heart out,” Patrick Drake muttered. “He’s just lucky my hands are worth more than his trashy girlfriend.”

“She’s starting to sleep through the night,” Elizabeth said softly, cuddling five-month-old Cadence close to her, “but sometimes she wakes up–”

“Jason’s taken care of infants before,” Sam interrupted. She held her hands out. “Why don’t you just give her to me so we can get out of here?”

Robin narrowed her eyes and started forward but Patrick clamped a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t make this worse,” he cautioned her.

Elizabeth pressed her lips to her daughter’s head and rested her cheek against the soft downy blonde hair that was beginning to grow into curls. “Always remember that Mommy loves you, Cady,” she murmured, but she knew in a few months Cady wouldn’t remember her at all, much less that Elizabeth loved her with every breath in her body.

She carefully placed her daughter into Sam’s waiting arms and reached down to grab the diaper bag but Sam shook her head. “We don’t need that,” she said rudely. “Cady’s going to have everything brand new.” Her lips curled into a smug smile. “No hand me downs.”

Elizabeth’s hands tightened around the diaper bag that had seen better days, more important, days when Cady’s brother Cameron had still needed it. “It was Cameron’s,” she said softly, her voice breaking. “Can she at least take her dog?” Elizabeth unzipped the bag and withdrew a floppy ear brown stuffed dog that had been Cameron’s gift to his sister upon her birth that May. “It’s her favorite–”

“She won’t remember in a few days–” Sam began but Jason reached forward and took the dog from Elizabeth’s hands, not meeting her eyes.

“Is that everything?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah,” Elizabeth replied. She held out her hand, intending to touch Cady once more but Sam turned away and left, not even giving the heartbroken mother a chance to say goodbye one more time.

Jason hesitated and stared down at the dog in his hands. “I’m sorry about Cameron,” he said roughly. “I never thought–”

“You did your best to demonstrate that I was a terrible mother,” Elizabeth cut in harshly. “Did you really think any judge in their right mind would leave any child with me after what your lawyers brought out in court?” She folded her arms and looked away. “They took Cameron this morning and I’m not allowed visitation with him either.” For the first time since the horrible day Sam had come to her door a few months ago, her eyes met his. Shadows had dug deep circles under her eyes, anger lined her face and she looked much older than her twenty-six years. “You have what you wanted from me. Complete custody of our daughter and me out of her life. So get out.”

“Elizabeth, I didn’t–” Jason began.

But Patrick–who had sat through the custody hearing from start to finish and had tried to help Elizabeth on her fruitless search to find a lawyer willing to take on Jason Morgan–Patrick had had enough.

He strode forward and took the enforcer by the arm and shoved him back. “You took her kids from her, you son of a bitch. Are you trying to destroy what little dignity she has left? Get the hell out!”

There were not many times Jason Morgan, enforcer to Sonny Corinthos, would stand down to a neurosurgeon who he knew would never become physically violent but for whatever reason, Jason didn’t push the matter.

He left the apartment and the second the door clicked shut, Elizabeth’s knees gave out and she sank to the floor, sobbing. In the space of two hours, her children–the reason she woke up in the morning, the reason she drove herself to be better and to work hard–her children had been taken from her and she had no idea if she would ever hold them in her arms again.

And there’ll be no rest for these tired eyes
I’m marking it down to learning
I am

Limousine

Sam pressed her lips to Cady’s head and breathed in the fresh scent of baby powder. This was justice, she told herself. Three years ago this month, her daughter had been stolen from her and now she finally had one to take her place.

She glanced up to find Jason staring out the window, a blank expression on his face. She knew it troubled him that it had to be this way, that they’d had to sue for custody, that it had ended up taking Elizabeth’s remaining child from her but she knew it was better this way. If Jason and Elizabeth had had their way, Cady would be shuffled back and forth between them, never having a real permanent home and she would never accept Sam as her mother if Elizabeth were around.

Eventually, she would have lost Jason to Elizabeth. He would have been drawn to the mother of his child and Sam was still troubled by the fact that neither of them had ever expressed any real regret for their night together. They weren’t sorry and that meant it had been real between them.

She had sensed a threat to the life she wanted and she had neutralized it. It had been almost pathetically easy to play the parents against each other, planting herself as a sympathetic go between. She’d tell Jason that Elizabeth was being stubborn, that she refused to see Jason and furthermore, refused to discuss anything less than complete custody with no visitation from Jason.

And she’d tell Elizabeth that Jason was disgusted with her for keeping the truth from him for so long and forcing him to continue to keep the secret, that he wanted his daughter and was pursuing complete custody, despite Sam’s pleading to the contrary.

In the end, each had believed her and she’d been able to push Jason into fighting for his daughter in court–and the lawyers had pried out information about Elizabeth designed to make her look bad in court. They’d tugged a few pieces from Jason, but most they had found on their own.

It had been satisfying to sit in court and listen as Diane Miller had torn Elizabeth to shreds on the stand, finally exposing her and pushing her from that pedestal she’d been on for so many years. Sam felt vindicated and knew she had secured her place in Jason’s life for good.

“I wish there was something we could do about Cameron,” Sam sighed. “But the judge might overturn his ruling and we’d lose Cady.”

Jason glanced at her and Sam shifted, unnerved by the look in his eyes. “I wish she would have agreed to joint custody,” he said quietly. “I never wanted it to come to this.”

“I know,” Sam replied. “But Elizabeth wouldn’t budge and no one can blame you for fighting for your daughter. Everyone’s on your side. Emily, the Spencer family, the Quartermaines, Sonny and Carly–”

“Leaving Elizabeth with no one,” Jason said more to himself but Sam heard it and narrowed her eyes. He was weakening.

“She has Patrick and Robin,” Sam argued. “And I’m sure they’ll help her get custody of Cameron again. Jason, she didn’t leave you with much choice. She forced you to do this. I mean, didn’t you offer time and time again for joint custody?”

“Right.” But Sam could see Jason wasn’t convinced and she wasn’t entirely surprised. She was smart enough to know that even if Jason had stayed with her, part of him would always be in love with Elizabeth. Courtney had warned her that once–that neither of them had ever measured up and if Sam wanted a life with him, she’d have to be able to accept that. And she could. She didn’t need his whole heart, just the majority of it. But the small piece that would always belong to Elizabeth would keep Jason from believing the worst about her.

If Sam wanted to keep the current status quo, she’d have to work at it and make sure Elizabeth never got custody of her kids again.

Don’t think that I can take another empty moment
Don’t think that I can fake another hollow smile

General Hospital: Locker Room

“I should have taken the night off,” Robin said, pulling her lab coat on and securing her dark hair into a ponytail. “Elizabeth shouldn’t be alone–”

“I’ll stop by between surgeries tonight,” Patrick promised. “But she wanted us to leave, she needed to be alone.”

“She needed her family, her friends,” Robin muttered. “But those bastards–”

“Jason took Cady today?” a new voice demanded from the next row. A second later, Emily Quartermaine emerged, looking shocked. “He actually took her?”

“Did you think Sam would let him wait more than twenty-four hours?” Patrick replied. “She and Jason showed up not an hour after some bitch from Social Services carted Cameron away.”

Emily sank onto the bench. “This is just one big mistake,” she said softly. “Jason never wanted complete custody. He wanted to see her, to provide for her. And he would never take Cameron from her, no matter how stubborn she was being.”

“Wake up, Pollyanna,” Patrick snapped. “Your brother wanted that kid enough to scare any reputable lawyer away from this case. Alexis refused to take it on basis of conflict of interest and the only other lawyer who might have done it for cheap is Ric Lansing and I’d rather chew my leg off than let her go to that slime for help.” He looked to Robin. “We should have gone with our first instincts and hired someone from out of state, that wouldn’t have known to be scared of Jason Morgan.”

“What are you talking about?” Emily asked. “Jason wouldn’t do that to Elizabeth–”

“I would have agreed with you once,” Robin said quietly. “The man I knew would never have put the mother of his child through a custody battle like that. But I think we all know what drove Jason to this point.”

“How could Sam have possibly–” Emily began.

“Don’t be stupid. Sam’s been salivating for that kid since she found out it was Jason’s,” Patrick said, disgusted with the entire situation. “You would have been sick if you’d seen the way Sam hauled Cady out of the apartment this morning –” he paused. “Well, you wouldn’t have been.” He slammed the locker shut and hung his stethoscope around his neck. “You did take your brother’s side.”

“She was cutting him out of his daughter’s life,” Emily protested, but her once vehement protest had softened considerably. “He just wanted visitation rights–”

“You never showed up in court,” Patrick argued. “You have no idea what he wanted. You have no idea what those lawyers put her through–”

“I couldn’t take sides,” Emily said. “He’s my brother. She’s my best friend–”

“Save it.” Patrick slammed out of the locker room.

Robin sighed. “I’m sorry about him. He’s just–he’s not really used to giving a damn about other people so he’s not always very good at expressing himself.” She sat down on the bench and looked up at the girl she’d known for so long and shook her head. “Watching Elizabeth have to go through that twice…it’s not something I ever want to do again.”

“I know she feels I let her down,” Emily said. “And I guess…maybe I have.” She sat next to Robin. “I just…I didn’t know what to do, who to support. Jason is my brother, he’s my family and you know I have precious little of that left and I haven’t really agreed with a lot of the decisions Elizabeth has made–”

“I’m too tired to listen,” Robin interrupted. “I’m not interested in listening to you rationalize and explain why you couldn’t be bothered to even talk to your brother and plead on her behalf. She did it for you when Jason refused to speak to you after you got involved with Sonny. She begged with Jason to understand, to accept what he couldn’t change. And she supported you, when few others did. It’s a shame you had to prove you’re less of a friend.” Robin stood and left Emily alone in the locker room.

It’s not enough just to be lonely
Don’t think that I could take another talk about it

Elizabeth’s Apartment

For a few brief months, Cameron had shared a room with his baby sister. The small two-bedroom apartment had been all that Elizabeth could afford, but she’d given her children the larger of the two rooms.

That had been something else that Diane Miller had used against her. She had twisted the fact that a three month old girl and a four year old boy shared a room when the same practice was in use all over the country. She was not the only single mother whose children were forced to share a room, but unfortunately she was the only single mother whose daughter had a father like Jason.

She was ashamed to admit that it had never crossed her mind that Jason would do this to her, despite the hell she’d put him through the previous spring. She hadn’t blamed him when he’d stopped her wedding to Lucky and announced that he was the true father. She’d been secretly relieved that he’d taken that responsibility from her but Jason had clearly never forgiven her for first keeping the secret and then asking him to give up his child.

For a time it seemed like they were going to make it, that they were going to find a way to work together and bring their child up together, though they lived apart. Cadence Alana Morgan had been born in May and until August, it seemed like they had found a way to handle the situation. Jason had stopped by nearly every day to spend time with her and their family seemed to be accepting the situation–Emily had finally started speaking to her again.

Out of the blue, one morning in September, Sam had stopped by instead of Jason. She said that Jason was tired of coming to this tiny apartment every day and pretending to be okay with the situation, pretending that he wasn’t completely disgusted by Elizabeth and her actions. He wanted Cady to live with him.

In Elizabeth’s opinion, Cady was too young to spend much time away from her mother. She would be breastfeeding for at least another three months and maybe by Christmas, they could talk about an overnight visit.

She had misunderstood, Sam said coldly. Jason wanted Cady with him. He thought that Elizabeth was a terrible mother and wanted Cady away from her. Elizabeth had been stunned and she’d been devastated by that, but she hadn’t believed Sam initially. She’d sent the woman away and told herself that Sam had always resented the fact Elizabeth had given Jason the child Sam never could.

But Jason stopped visiting and in his place a set of legal papers filing for complete custody of Cadence Alana Morgan was delivered and finally, Elizabeth had accepted that there would be a custody hearing.

Naively, Elizabeth thought the judge would see through the weak arguments that she was an unfit mother and at worst, he would award joint custody. Even after Diane Miller ripped her to shreds on the stands and left her sobbing, she’d believed that no judge would give full custody to Jason Morgan, an alleged mobster over a hardworking nurse with strong ties to the community.

But she had underestimated the lengths Jason would go to and she was sure he had bribed the judge into giving him complete custody. Whether he had gone the extra mile and asked for Cameron to be taken away, she wasn’t sure, but she hadn’t lost Cady without a little back room dealing.

She stood in the doorway to her children’s bedroom and took in the small double bed that Cameron had been so excited to buy (“A big boy bed, Mommy!”) and crib with the frilly pink trim that Emily had bought for her baby shower (“All girls love pink”) to the mountains of stuffed animals that had been showered on each child by Cady’s godparents, Robin and Patrick.

She drank in each sight slowly before closing the door and walking away. She would never walk in that room again, Elizabeth vowed, unless she had one of her children to bring home.

Just like me you got needs
And they’re only a whisper away

December 1, 2007

Jason Morgan’s Penthouse

When Jason pulled his front door open that morning, the last person he had expected to see was Robin Scorpio. His ex-girlfriend had not spoken to him since he sued Elizabeth for visitation rights. There had been icy glares, of course but all words had come from her furious boyfriend. To find her standing there was a surprise, but he could guess it was not a friendly visit.

“I want to see Cady,” Robin announced. “She’s my goddaughter and she loves me and I want to see her.”

Jason hesitated but nodded. At the very least, he was sure Elizabeth would want an update on her daughter and he was willing to do what it took to get them through this situation. He had been upset to learn that she was not budging on joint custody, that she had refused all of Sam’s overtures. He had never wanted it to be like this, had never wanted to take Elizabeth’s daughter from her but he had a right to his child and for whatever reason, Elizabeth had chosen to ignore that.

“She’s in the nursery,” Jason said, stepping aside. He closed the door after Robin strode in and led her to the upstairs room that Sam had decorated for Cady.

Cady was crying–as she had been nearly every day for the past five days. He had hoped she would have adjusted to the situation by now but she continued to cry. Robin made a cooing sound and lifted her out of the crib. “Here now, it’s Aunt Robin.” She patted Cady’s back and Jason was irritated when the infant slowed her crying to a whimper. “That’s right, honey bear.” She eyed Jason over Cady’s shoulder. “You have her on formula, I bet.”

“The doctor said it would be okay,” Jason said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “She’s six months old.”

“Hmm.” She continued to rub Cady’s back in small circles. “It’s okay, Cady. You’re just missing your mommy.”

Jason exhaled slowly and turned his eyes towards the window. “Elizabeth didn’t really give me much choice, you know. I didn’t want it this way–”

“Save it,” Robin interrupted. “I don’t give a damn about anyone’s excuses anymore. Yours for putting Elizabeth through this, Emily’s for abandoning Elizabeth and Audrey’s for still not speaking to Elizabeth simply because you turned out to be the father.” She kept her voice and light breezy so she wouldn’t disturb Cady, who had finally stopped whimpering.

“What was I supposed to do?” Jason demanded. “Just let her take Cady?”

“You’re a hypocrite,” Robin replied. “You treated AJ like the dirt under your finger tips simply because he had the nerve to want to see his own son. You kept the truth from him, you helped Sonny and Carly keep Michael from him and if you don’t think that didn’t drive AJ to the edge, you’re an idiot.” She set Cady back in her crib and made sure her stuffed dog–the one toy from her familiar room–next to her. “But the second you don’t think you’re being given all the access you want to your own child, you pull out all the stops and dirty tricks to take her from her mother.” She met Jason’s eyes. “How does that make you any different than the Quartermaines?”

“That’s–” Jason swallowed. “That’s not how this was,” he said. “Michael was different–”

“Why?” Robin demanded. “If Elizabeth had gone to Lucky and told him the truth from the outset, and asked him to claim Cady because she didn’t want her child around you and Lucky agreed, how would that have been any different than what you and Carly did?” she retorted. “The rights of the mother above all else, right?”

Jason remained silent, unable to find the flaw in that argument. It would not have been different and he was ashamed to know that. He looked at his daughter and drank in the delicate features that were nearly a direct copy of her mother’s. Her nose, her eyes, her mouth. She was going to grow up to be as beautiful as her mother.

“Is she okay?” he asked quietly.

“Don’t pretend you care,” Robin replied.

“She hasn’t filed an appeal yet,” he continued. “I thought she’d at least file an injunction–”

“She can’t–” she said shortly. She huffed. “There’s no money left. Her last lawyer cleaned her out, no one will loan her any money and even if I thought she’d accept it, all my resources and Patrick’s are tied up in the house. We won’t have anything until after the escrow.” She stepped away from the crib and left the room. Jason followed after a moment.

“I’m going to be coming by weekly, after I’m sure Sam is gone,” Robin said as she walked down the steps. “Elizabeth deserves to know how Cady is and if you’re going to be a bastard about it…” she shrugged. “I’ll call my father. He’s already offered to help Elizabeth and the kids disappear.”

Jason stopped short. “What?”

Robin turned, one foot on the last step. “He hates men bullying women, you should know that and he hates you to begin with.”

“I don’t want it to be like this,” Jason called after her.

Robin stopped at the door and looked back at him. ” You cut off communication with Elizabeth, you took her to court and you bribed the judges–”

“I didn’t–”

“–you made your bed, Jason. Now you have to lie in it.”

She slammed the door behind her, and somewhere above him, Cady started to cry again.

The images to the right for Daughters and Shadows are now clickable, with story pages up. I haven’t started to move chapters over because I’m waiting on a plugin that would allow me to publish them as a series and then put that series list on a page.

Until that plug in is available, I’ll just be setting up story pages first, then moving over the short stories. Hopefully, it won’t take more than a week and I’ll have moved over the in progress stuff first. Again, I’m editing for typos and whatnot before I move over (and I’m toying with revising the first few chapters of Daughters since I wrote them before the plot became clear).

I’m also trying to set up some social actions, so I can close my forums at Yuku and have everything here. Additionally, if anyone has any fanfiction links or board links, I’d be happy to link to them. I’m completely out of the loop on where to go (having been banned from at least two Liason boards in my day :P).

Monthly Archives: January 2014

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