“So if I asked you for garlic, would you think that’s weird?”

“Garlic? What kind of garlic?”

“Oh, the pink kind with the purple polka dots–you idiot–what kind of garlic–stupid question.”

“No need to get hostile, Liz. Geez, you’ve been in such a bad mood the last few days. And yesterday–you grossed me out.”

“Oh, you’re just being annoying now. There’s nothing wrong with ice cream.”

“Honey, you had chocolate marshmallow ice cream topped by some red hot chili peppers. That’s gross.”

“You know, their last album was really good. Did you hear it?”

“Yes. I like–stop changing the subject. What’s with the nasty moods and the weird cravings–ah, son of a bitch, Gia’s gonna kill you.”

“That’s all you can say? Gia’s gonna kill me? Some best friend you are.”

“She’s already irritated that you managed to get the guy to the altar first. If she finds out you’re…you know…she’s gonna knock your head off.”

“Can I help it if Jason’s swimmers are more motivated than yours?”

“Dude, I am not talking about Jason’s sperm. That’s gross.”

“Oh, for crying out loud–you have sperm too. Oh, ew.”

“You see what I mean? No more sperm talk. Besides, it’s not that they’re more motivated…they just have better timing.”

“Better timing? Maybe yours are as lazy as you are.”

“I am not lazy.”

“Ha!”

“I’m not. I just don’t feel like doing a lot of stuff.”

“Anyway, I haven’t told Jason yet. What do you think I should lead off with? The garlic bit? Speaking of which–do you have any garlic?”

“I repeat, what kind of garlic?”

“Lucky–”

“We’ve got powder and we’ve got the whole clove things. You want some garlic bread or something?”

“Ooh, yeah.”

“So how long have you known?”

“You promise not to yell?”

“No good can come from this.”

“No, Lucky. I’m serious. You really can’t yell at me.”

“The only way I might yell is if you already popped the kid out and have him in a closet.”

“Oh, God no.”

“So??”

“Threemonths.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite hear that. Believe it or not, when a person shoves a carrot in their mouth, takes a swig of juice and tries to speak all at the same time, it comes out kind of a garbled.”

“I said–three months.”

“I take back the non yelling agreement.”

“Lucky–”

“Dude, you haven’t told him and you’ve known for three months? Have you lost your mind? Eventually, you’re gonna get fat.”

“That’s real charming.”

“Whatever. Why the hell haven’t you said anything? And no, don’t shrug and give me those puppy eyes. I’m immune.”

“Look–we’ve been married for like five months. And we only got engaged because I think I accidentally guilted him into it. So excuse me for being slightly apprehensive about telling my husband he’s not a free man anymore.”

“Jason loves kids.”

“Yeah, and you know this how?”

“Well, it’s not like he’s ever told me but–come to think of it, I’ve never seen him around any kids–aw, hey, don’t moan like that. It’s not that bad.”

“I am so dead. I’m dead. I’m gonna tell him we’re having a baby and he’s just gonna look at me like I’m a horrible person.”

“How long have you been with Jason?”

“Eighteen months.”

“Jason loves you. He married you. He doesn’t do things he doesn’t want to do so even if you might have used a tiny guilt trip on him to get him to the altar, ultimately it wouldn’t have made a difference if he didn’t want to marry you.”

“No, no, see, I don’t really think Jason’s all that fond of being married to me. I think before, he was okay with the whole living together thing because he had, you know, an escape clause. But now the only way out is a divorce and that means alimony and hell, now it means child support.”

“Elizabeth?”

“Yeah?”

“You on drugs?”

“No.”

“What would give you the idea he wants an escape clause? Hey, no mumbling.”

“Because I sort of think he might have kind of–look can we just not talk about it? I’m pissed off about it and now I’m pregnant and I really just want my stupid garlic bread so I can curl up with it and cry.”

“Aw, hell, what do you think Jason did this time?”

“You always take his side. Why does it always have to be me that misinterpreting it?”

“Oh, shit. Lizzie, don’t cry. I didn’t–ah, crap, where’s Gia when you need a sensitive person?”

“Because I really did catch him kissing the magnificent whore at Jake’s last week and he wouldn’t have kissed her if he liked being married to me and I really think that I should have just left things well enough alone without having to shove engagement rings at him and drop hints about you thinking of proposing to Gia–”

“Whoa, whoa, let’s back up a second. Was he kissing her or was she kissing him?”

“I don’t know. I saw and I left. I’m not a glutton for punishment, y’know.”

“Couldn’t it be possible the magnificent whore kissed him? It’s not like it’s the first time.”

“Yeah, but why didn’t he just tell me?”

“Oh, I don’t know…because you tend to try and commit murder whenever her name is mentioned?”

“So he’s still protecting her. See, this is why I never should have gone out with him in the first place.”

“Aw, come on, he loves you.”

“Ha.”

“Lizzie, don’t make me beat you. Listen, go home. Talk to Jason about the blonde thing. When he explains it–and I have every faith that he will–tell him about the baby.”

“I don’t wanna.”

“Lizzie.”

“Well, seriously what if he does love me but he doesn’t want kids yet?”

“Then you should have been careful. You know, condoms and stuff. Kept his little swimmers out.”

“Good point. He’s gotta realize there’s a penalty right?”

“God help him.”

“So, about that garlic bread?”

“All right. Here’s the plan.”

“Oh, boy. Here we go.”

“Lizzie, you’re such a negative person.”

“Yeah? Well, Lucky, you’re biased. You keep forgetting–your plans never work.”

“That’s so not true. They work plenty of times.”

“Name one.”

“We don’t have time for this game.”

“Ha! You can’t think of one.”

“All right, smart ass. Think of one time when it didn’t go well.”

“Well, let’s see. Your anniversary with Gia?”

“We don’t have to bring that up.”

“Oh, no, no. You asked. You remember that night? I helped you set up a romantic dinner with candlelight, one of Sonny’s dinners and how do you repay me?”

“Lizzie?”

“You forget to show up. I have never met someone who sleeps through two alarm clocks, sixteen calls and someone pounding on the door. My god, you’re insane.”

“Look, Gia brings up that up every single time. You don’t need to do it, too.”

“And then there was the time where you tried to get rid of that guy.”

“Hey, that worked!”

“Worked? Worked? You must be on drugs.”

“I got rid of him didn’t I?”

“Right. And I think he just got out of the hospital.”

“How’s that my fault?”

“Who’s bright idea was it to tell that guy that Jason was single and wanted a date?”

“Hey! He kept hitting on me!”

“That doesn’t mean you give him Jason’s number! Jesus, Lucky. He kept hitting on Jason!”

“Well, you didn’t have to hit him.”

“I still maintain he kicked himself in the balls.”

“Ha! Likely story. Can we please get back to the point?”

“Which is?”

“The plan, Elizabeth. The plan!”

“I don’t know if it’s a good idea to let you help.”

“I am a very intelligent and sneaky person when I need to be.”

“Right. You also worship yourself.”

“Hey, nothing wrong with having your own religion.”

“There is when you’re the only one who practices it.”

“You’re not being fair. And we’re getting off topic.”

“Lucky, for the last time–you’re not planning my bachelorette party!”

“Give me one good reason why not.”

“You’re a guy.”

“Yeah? That has what to do with it?”

“If you need me to tell you, you’ve got much bigger problems than I thought.”

“Hey, I’m the reason you’re getting married.”

“Yes. That’s right. You did set me up with Jason.”

“See?”

“Well, Lucky, go ask him if you can plan his bachelor–you know what? I changed my mind.”

“No, hey, that’s a great idea!”

“I just thought of what your kind of bachelor party would entail. You’re not planning his party either. You’d end up hiring Courtney as the stripper and then you’d stop breathing.”

“Yeah. If I saw her naked, any man would stop breathing. Man, she’s got a large–”

“No–because I’d kill you.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You know–maybe I should stick to photography.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“Okay, this is what I’ve decided.”

“You actually made a decision?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t be so testy, Lizzie. I was just asking.”

“Well it was a stupid question, Lucky. Since I said I decided, I obviously decided.”

“Okay.”

“Okay, what?”

“What?”

“You’re giving me the look.”

“Look?”

“Lucky, you have that look. Where you have more to say but you fear for your life if you do say it.”

“Oh. Well…”

“What?”

“You’ve made the decision five other times. Quite frankly, Gia needs an answer.”

“Why do I care what Gia needs?”

“Because Gia’s your maid of honor and in order to get fitted for the dress, you have to pick the color. And the design. You haven’t done that yet. You haven’t actually even looked for a dress yourself.”

“I’ve got time.”

“You’ve got six weeks. I think you’re worrying the groom.”

“The groom can go stick it in his ass.”

“I know that tone.”

“Tone? Listen, buddy–”

“What did my poor unwitting friend do this time?”

“He suggested that I take on another bridesmaid.”

“So? You’ve only got Georgie Jones and Emily. Jason’s got three groomsmen. You could use one more.”

“He suggested Carly.”

“Oh. Oh.”

“Yeah, oh. At this rate, Jason’s gonna be really lucky I show up to marry him. The absolute nerve of that jackass–”

“I forget. Why do we hate Carly?”

“How does Gia put up with you?”

“I’m good in bed.”

“Yeah. Right.”

“You shouldn’t scoff like that. You’ve never slept with me.”

“And I thank God every day for that miracle.”

“Why am I friends with you again?”

“Because you adore me.”

“Ha!”

“Okay, so fill me in on Carly again. I really did forget.”

“It’s the same reason I didn’t want to invite her to the housewarming last month and why I didn’t invite her to the wedding shower next week and why we never go out with her and Sonny.”

“…Which is?”

“Honestly, Lucky, you really need to see someone about this memory lapse you seem to be suffering from. Carly Corinthos is the bane of my existence and my own best friend doesn’t remember why! The absolute nerve!”

“Oh…you know, suddenly, it’s coming back to me.”

“I’ll bet it is.”

“Something about her telling Courtney that Jason had dumped you and she should give him a special surprise on his birthday.”

“Yeah, something about suggesting that surprise me having me and Jason walk in on her in his bedroom sprawled out on the bed. Naked.”

“Naked, huh? You know, you never did tell me what she looked like. Is she really as big as–Ow! Damn it, that hurt!”

“Serves you right. You know, nothing spoils the mood of wanting to have sex than seeing your fiancé’s ex-girlfriend naked in his room. I nearly killed him before he managed to get out that he had no idea why she was there.”

“You should trust him more.”

“I don’t care how much someone trusts their boyfriend. When you see a naked chick on their bed looking like a present, you will always try to kill them first.”

“Okay. So what did you say to Jason when he suggested the atrocity of having his best friend be your bridesmaid?”

“I told him to go to hell.”

“You know, he and Carly go way back. They’ve been friends for like forever. You know he’s like a godfather to Michael and the kid thinks he walks on water. You know that Carly also didn’t tell Courtney to be a whore.”

“Carly hates me.”

“She hates that she’s losing Jason to you.”

“You know, her insecurities are not my problem.”

“Do you love Jason?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to marry him?”

“Occasionally.”

“Then her insecurities are your problem. His baggage is your baggage just like your uncontrollable lust for me is his baggage.”

“You’ve been smoking pot again haven’t you?”

“You know you can’t control yourself around me, Lizzie.”

“Yeah. It’s really hard to resist your animal magnetism.”

“Don’t think I don’t know sarcasm when I hear it. I know it.”

“You should.”

“Anyway, what are you going to do about this situation? Are you just going to lie down and take it? You going to bail on Jason?”

“No. We already put the deposit on the reception hall.”

“Lizzie.”

“No. Because I’ve already accepted he’s not going to ditch Carly. And I wouldn’t ask him too. But I just wish he’d tell her to butt the hell out of our lives. It’s freaking Courtney all over again! How many women do I have to deal with?”

“Look. Once you two are married, what does it matter what Courtney or Carly does? You already beat them. You get the guy.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

“Do you think it would mean a lot to Jason if you held the olive branch out to Carly?”

“Probably.”

“And isn’t the objective of marriage trying to make the other person happy?”

“I hate you.”

“You hate when I’m right.”

“That, too.”

“You going to do it or what?”

“I’ll do it.”

“Good. Hey…who’s planning the bachelor party?”

“No. Lucky.”

“Because I got this great idea–”

“No.”

“Lizzie–”

“No.”

“Did you know that a hammer is not something you want to cracked over the head with?”

“I’m not entirely sure I want to know how you learned that.”

“It was an accident.”

“Yes. Just like the time Gia’s hairbrush accidentally collided with your head. Or the time you accidentally walked into the deep end of the pool at Nikolas’s house. The empty deep end. You are very accident prone.”

“There’s no need to mock.”

“Oh…there’s every need to mock.”

“I think I had a point here somewhere.”

“The hammer met your head. You were about to explain why.”

“Right. So I was in the garage at the house–Mom wanted me to fix the sink.”

“You were the only one there, weren’t you?”

“Hey, I am not useless. I can fix stuff.”

“A sandwich does not count.”

“I was in the garage, trying to find the tool box. Apparently, Dad’s hid it for some reason when he’s out of town.”

“Maybe it’s to keep you from fixing things.”

“Do you want to hear this or not?”

“Do I have a choice?”

“So I’m reaching on this shelf and this hammer comes crashing down on my head. And I think I saw stars. So, yes, a hammer hurts. Don’t use it on Jason.”

“Unlike Gia, I don’t have to resort to physical violence. I just kind of mutter under my breath, storm around the penthouse for a few days. He gets the message. Jason, unlike some people, can take a hint.”

“You’re mocking my pain.”

“Oh, I’m mocking something.”

“So, you’re not ticked at Jason?”

“Nope. Surprisingly, not this time. But this could coincide with Sonny taking his family on a vacation. With Carly and Courtney gone, life’s downright peachy.”

“Are you still harping on Big Boobs Matthews? Look, I wouldn’t touch that…that for all the money in the world.”

“Gia would cut your hand off.”

“That’s hardly the point.”

“Anyway, so long as the girl is showing up in our bed without any clothing on–”

“Jesus, Lizzie, I just ate!”

“–or sticking her tongue in Jason’s ear–”

“There goes the French fries too.”

“–or worse–”

“How can there be an ‘or worse’?”

“–straddling him in public.”

“I didn’t really want that burger anyway.”

“So long as she’s being a skank, then I get to harp on it, got it?”

“At the expense of my lunch, yeah, I got it.”

“Elizabeth. You cannot become a nun.”

“You wanna bet? I bet if I were a nun I wouldn’t get dumped for not putting out.”

“Elizabeth. You’d have to give up like everything.”

“Define everything.”

“Kissing.”

“It’s overrated.”

“You’ve never been kissed properly. Sly Eckert in the eighth does not count.”

“I’ve been kissed since then!”

. “Name one person. And that truth or dare thing sophomore year does not count.”

“The hell it doesn’t!”

“You’re only upset because that rules out your only other kiss. Anyway, that’s not the only thing you’d have to give up. You’d have to give up stuff like ice cream and all other kinds of junk food.”

“You’re not a very good Catholic, are you Lucky?”

“Nah, I’m a more of Luckyist.”

“A Luckyist? You worship yourself.”

“Yeah. You want to join?”

“No. You can stay a religion of one.”

“Very funny. Anyway, besides, there’s a guy who’s going to come along and he’s not going to want your body.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“No, no that’s not what I meant! I mean that’s not the only thing he’s going to want. He’ll want to get to know you–”

“Yeah, so he can get in my pants and then not call.”

“You’re such a pessimist.”

“With my history, wouldn’t you be?”

“You know what? I think I ought to fix you up.”

“Oh, no you don’t. I know the type of guys you do and believe me I’m not interested.”

“Not even…Jason?”

“Jason? Jason Morgan? Are you on drugs?”

“No. Why is that so unbelievable? He’s a great guy.”

“I’m sure he is. He’s also five years older than me and completely out of my league. Plus he’s got a girlfriend.”

“Oh. Right. Her. Look, Courtney’s no competition for you.”

“Yeah…blonde and busty. No competition. I got that.”

“No, no–Jason’s not like that, honestly. He’s into a girl’s personality.”

“And he’s still dating Courtney Matthews?”

“You’ve got a point. Listen, just let me set up a date. Come on. You know you’re gonna like him.”

“He doesn’t seem to be the type to go for blind dates.”

“He owes me a favor.”

“Oh. Gee. Thanks.”

“That’s not what I meant, Elizabeth.”

“I’m going to be a nun. That’s just the way it’s going to work. And why would I want to date someone who’d cheat on their girlfriend for a blind date?”

“I don’t think that’s really the way it is with Jason and Courtney. Seriously. She is so not his type. She’s so clingy?”

“I bet he gets a kick out of the victim routine.”

“Have you ever properly met Jason Morgan? Because you’d understand why I don’t think it’s serious between him and the blonde. She’s dumber than a doornail and I think Jason at least like conversation.”

“Wow. I don’t really see him a conversationalist.”

“He’s not. But–you know you’re protesting too much. Come on–let me set up date. Just one.”

“You just don’t want to become a nun. This is a selfish thing. Because if I’m a nun, I can’t help you with your girl problems. Or pretend to be your girlfriend when a girl doesn’t get the point.”

“Well–yeah–all that’s true. But I don’t want to become a nun because I think you have a lot to offer a guy.”

“Yeah? Someone should tell the guys that.”

“Very funny. So, you’re gonna let me call Jason?”

“Sure. Go wild.”

—–

“So? How’d it go?”

“You’re right.”

“I’m what?”

“You’re right. God, don’t make me repeat that again.”

“I kind of like the sound of it. So, what exactly was I right about?”

“I’ve never been kissed properly.”

“Wow–so does that mean–”

“Yeah–it means that.”

“So, you kissed him? On the first date? It was just the first date right–because there’ll be more–”

“Why? Did he say something about me?”

“Might have. So, how was it?”

“What? The kiss or the date?”

“Both. Either one. Doesn’t matter.”

“If I tell you, will you tell me what he said?”

“Sure thing.”

“It was amazing Lucky. Sly and Zander should definitely take lessons from Jason. Wow.”

“He’s that good, huh? So was that about the date or the kiss?”

“Did you know he has a motorcycle?”

“Yes. I take it you rode it?”

“It was incredible! The stars just seemed to pop out of the sky and the wind was just rushing by. Wow.”

“I take it Jason made a good impression.”

“He did.”

“Did he explain the Courtney thing?”

“Yep. Just a job.”

“Good. I didn’t think he was actually interested in her.”

“So…what did he say about me?”

“Nothing.”

“Lucky!”

“Okay…he might have thanked me for introducing the two you.”

“That’s it?”

“There might have been something about you being pretty.”

“Really?”

“I think the word was actually beautiful, but I can’t be sure. So, there’ll be a second date you think?”

“Well…he said he’d call. But guys never mean that…”

“If Jason said it, he meant it.”

“Really? You promise?”

“I promise. Hey, just think…if I’d let you become a nun, you’d never have gone out with him.”

“You knew I wasn’t going to become a nun.”
“You know what this means.”

“Oh, no.”

“You owe me.”

“Lucky?”

“And Jason still owes me. This is great. I hook up two of my best friends and manage to garner two favors. I am so good.”

“I’d hate to interrupt your self-loving session, but your cell phone is ringing.”

“‘Ello? Hey, Jason. What? Oh–that makes sense. It’s 856-3454. Yeah. See ya later.”

“What? That was Jason? What did he want?”

“He wanted to call you.”

“Well, why didn’t he?”

“Well–he didn’t have your number.”

“Shit! I gotta get home before he calls!”

“Hey, remember, Lizzie! You owe me!”

“That’s the most ridiculous question I’ve ever heard.”

“This…coming from you.”

“You asked that question on purpose, Elizabeth.”

“Did not. I pulled it out of the box and there it is. It’s not my fault you suck at Trivial Pursuit.”

“No one in their right minds could answer that.”

“You’re only saying that because you don’t know, Lucky.”

“Do you know the answer?”

“Yes.”

“Cheater! You looked!”

“I’m not cheating–it’s your question to answer not mine. Come on, Lucky. Just answer the question.”

“You know, you were a lot more fun when you wanted to become nun.”

“You’re just mad because Gia’s not talking to you.”

“It’s your fault.”

“I resent that–it is not my fault. You’re the one who slept through two alarm clocks, sixteen calls and someone pounding on the door.”

“You should have tried harder.”

“I’m not your mother, Lucky. I went to all the trouble to set up that dinner and you screwed it up.”

“All right, spill. Why are you in such a bad mood tonight?”

“I’d be in a better mood if you just answered the damn question.”

“No, I know why I’m sitting inside on a Saturday night, but that doesn’t explain why you are.”

“Lucky?”

“Did you have a fight with Jason or something?”

“No.”

“You’re lying.”

“I am not. In order for people to fight, the other person has to talk.”

“Oh…that’s what this is about.”

“What?”

“Jason’s just a silent person–he doesn’t do it on purpose. He’s just not big on words. What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter. Answer the question.”

“E-liz-a-beth.”

“Don’t do that. I hate when you do that.”

“Come on. Tell me what happened. I’m your very best friend in the world. You have to tell me.”

“I saw him at Kelly’s.”

“And?”

“And what? That’s it. I saw him at Kelly’s.”

“Oh, for the love–Elizabeth, I’m not stupid.”

“Ha! Could have fooled me.”

“Elizabeth, honestly. You seeing him at Kelly’s does not explain your bitchy mood.”

“Maybe I’m just naturally a bitch.”

“And maybe the sky is purple. What else happened?”

“Someone else was there. Can we just stop talking about this?”

“Oh, was this about Big Boobs Matthews?”

“She was all over him, Lucky. And he didn’t do a thing about it.”

“Just like the last time?”

“Just like the last time. I asked him why he doesn’t like tell her to buzz off and he says he doesn’t want to hurt her feelings. And then I said what about my feelings and then Jason said that I have no reason to be upset. He doesn’t care about her.”

“Then what happened?”

“Oh…ugh, he’s just so infuriating. Did I tell you what happened when that guy pinched my butt last week while I was working?”

“Yeah–Jason broke his nose.”

“Right. So I don’t understand why he doesn’t get it. I don’t like seeing her hands on him anymore than he likes some other guy’s on me. Is that so damn difficult to understand?”

“Did you tell Jason that?”

“Yes, I told Jason that.”

“You don’t have to so sarcastic. I’m just trying to help. So what did he say?”

“He said I shouldn’t be so hard on Courtney–that she’s still upset about our relationship. And I told him that Courtney needed to get over it. It wasn’t like they were actually together.”

“Which they weren’t.”

“That’s what he told me.”

“What, that wasn’t true?”

“Apparently, not completely. They weren’t actually dating but they did sleep together. No wonder Courtney thinks she had some sort of claim on him.”

“So he lied to you?”

“No, not technically. He told me he wasn’t dating Courtney, which he wasn’t. They’d slept together only once about three months before that. He just neglected to tell me that.”

“I hate to ask–what happened after he told you?”

“I got pissed off. I said he should have told me but it still doesn’t excuse her behavior. I mean, it’s one thing for her to hate me and all that, but she doesn’t need to keep putting her hands all over him and sticking her tongue in his ear.”

“Ewww–she did that?”

“You know…this is all your fault.”

“How do you figure?”

“You set me up with Jason.”

“Well, yeah and it worked out. You’re dating him.”

“Not anymore.”

“You broke up with him?”

“I’m sorry. When I’m in a relationship, there can only be two people. Not three. And as long as Jason keeps sparing Courtney’s feelings like this, she has influence over him and I won’t stand for it.”

“So what did he say when you did that?”

“He just kinda sighed and said if that’s what I wanted. Ugh. He didn’t even try to argue with me.”

“Jason’s like that. He’s the king of letting people do what they want. If he thinks you want it to be over, that’s the end of it.”

“He’s a jerk. Doesn’t he realize that he wants matters, too?”

“Sounds like you still care.”

“You’re a jerk, too. What were you thinking, setting me up with him?”

“I was thinking I’d make two of my best friends happy and I did. You were happy weren’t you?”

“As long as Courtney was a hundred miles away from us.”

“You’re a coward.”

“I’m a coward? You’ve a got lot of nerve, Lucky–”

“No, no. See, I think you’re in love with Jason and since that scares the shit out of you.”

“You want to know what I think?”

“No, not really. Shut up and listen for a second. You’re in love with him and you think that he can’t possibly feel the same so you’re looking for reasons to be mad at him so you never have to tell him.”

“Right. Did I miss your graduation from medical school, Dr. Lucky?”

“I like the sound of that. Dr. Lucky. Kinda like Dr. Phil. Anyway, it’s common sense. I know you, Elizabeth and if you’re stupid enough to let a blonde little twit like Courtney Matthews come between you and Jason, then you didn’t deserve him in the first place.”

“You little jerk. How dare you say that to me after everything we’ve been through?”

“It’s because of what we’ve been through that I’m sayin’ it. You don’t see it, but I do. You light up around him. You’ve been happier these last few months than you’ve been in years. Jason makes you happy and you love him.”

“What’s that got to do with anything?”

“Because I see all of that in him when he’s around you. Elizabeth, he loves you, too. And he’s just as bad a coward as you are.”

“See that I like.”

“Look, Elizabeth all I’m saying is you can’t let Jason go without a fight. You’re way too happy around each other to do that, don’t you get it?”

“Lucky?”

“Just promise me you’ll talk to him.”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t think I don’t know what you were doing.”

“What do you mean?”

“You were stalling.”

“Stalling? Me? That’s crazy.”

“Lucky?”

“What?”

“You need to answer the question.”

“I don’t remember the question.”

“Oh, well you’re in luck.”

“Oh, really.”

“I have the card right here.”

“Gee…lucky me.”

“Lucky, what are the seven wonders of the world?”

“Go fish.”

“Lucky.”

“What?”

“We’re playing Trivial Pursuit.”

“We are? I completely forgot.”

“You have no idea what the answer is, do you?”

“You might say that.”

“All this and you had no idea.”

“You should have known that.”

“You’re right, I should have.”

“So, it’s your turn?”

“I don’t want to play this anymore.”

“Wussy. You know I’m going to win.”

“Lucky, you couldn’t win this game if Lulu were playing it.”

“You know that sad thing?”

“What?”

“You’re probably right.”

“Gia said the strangest thing to me last night.”

“Let me guess. ‘You fell asleep again!’ ”

“Ha. Very funny, Liz. No, not that.”

“All right, all right. I’ll bite.”

“She said she loves chocolate more than me.”

“What’s today’s date? The twenty-second?”

“Yeah. What’s that have to do with Gia’s obsession?”

“Honestly, Lucky, don’t you know anything about women, do you?”

“You’re now just figuring this out?”

“I love when you admit I’m right.”

“I admit nothing.”

“You want to know why Gia’s particularly fond of chocolate right now?”

“I don’t want to know, do I?”

“It depends. How do you feel about sex?”

“You need to ask?”

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay, so there’s this scientific study that says eating chocolate releases the same pheremones as sex.”

“So Gia likes chocolate because it makes her feel like she’s having sex.”

“And Nikolas said you were an idiot.”

“Ha! My brother’s just jealous.”

“Yeah, Nikolas–the rich European prince–is jealous of you. Right.”

“So if it’s like sex, why doesn’t she just ask?”

“Maybe it’s because you have a nasty habit of falling asleep.”

“I knew it was a bad idea for you and Gia to get along.”

“Okay, I’m going to make this really clear…even you’re going to be able to understand it, I promise.”

“Okay, lay it on me.”

“Do you ever notice Gia eating more chocolate around this time of the month?”

“Sometimes. Why?”

“Think about it, idiot.”

“Oh. Oh. OH!”

“Is it a little bit more clear right now?”

“Ew. Why’d you tell me that?”

“You asked.”

“Does Jason know about this?”

“Who cares?”

“Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?”

“Paradise? You’re kidding right?”

“I thought you were over the whole Courtney thing.”

“It has nothing to do with the ho.”

“What did he do this time?”

“I hate when you say it like that–like I’m probably over reacting and that Jason isn’t really wrong.”

“Well, what happened?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Don’t be so stubborn. Come on, it’s been eight months. You’d think you would have ironed out the wrinkles in the relationship.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Come on, Lizzie. You know you’re going to tell me.”

“Don’t call me Lizzie.”

“What did my poor dumb friend do this time?”

“He asked me to move in with him.”

“Wait, I’m confused.”

“Shocker.”

“Shut up. No, I thought a commitment is a good thing.”

“It is.”

“I’m lost.”

“It’s the way he did it.”

“Oh. How’d he do it?”

“Well, you know my apartment was broken into last week right?”

“Yeah. It was trashed, right?”

“Yeah. Well, Jason says that my neighborhood sucks.”

“It does.”

“That’s not the point.”

“Well, what is the point? You’re making my head spin.”

“He said I should give up the apartment and move in with him. And get this–he offered me the guest room.”

“Liz, you know…you know he was just trying to not pressure you…you know that right?”

“After eight months, a little pressure is fine!”

“Okay, I admit that his approach was little…off…but his heart was in the right place.”

“I told him I loved him last week.”

“Oooh–what did he say?”

“He said that’s nice.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah. What do you have to say to that, Dr. Lucky? Huh?”

“Look, you know I think that Jason is a great guy–I mean I wouldn’t have fixed the two of you up otherwise. But has he told you about Robin?”

“Yes, he’s told me about Robin.”

“I think he really does love you–”

“Ha!”

“–but he’s afraid to admit it.”

“When in the hell did his insecurities become my problem?”

“When you fell in love with him.”

“All right, what do you propose I do, then?”

“I propose you talk to him about it.”

“What would I even say? We’ve been dating for eight months but you kind of broke my heart last week when you said that’s nice instead of the three words and gee–it’s really sweet you want me to live with you but I’m not completely understanding why you don’t want me in your bedroom.”

“No. Be honest.”

“That was honest.”

“No, that was sarcasm.”

“Sarcastic honesty.”

“Elizabeth.”

“Lucas.”

“Oh, you did not just call me that.”

“I believe I did.”

“You know this means death, right?”

“Good. Better than having to see Jason tomorrow.”

“Wait, wait. If you’re fighting why would you see him?”

“Well…he doesn’t really know.”

“Hold the phones–Jason doesn’t know you’re fighting.”

“Isn’t that what I just said?”

“So…what did you say when he asked you move in with him?”

“I told him I’d think about it.”

“E-liz-a-beth. You need to talk to him.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Don’t be an idiot.”

“Lucky?”

“I love you, you know that? But sometimes you have this tendency to overreact and Jason’s been at the brunt of it lately. He’s been good about it and he’s been trying to make it work. You need to return the favor.”

“What am I supposed to do? Come right out and tell him that I love him and ask him why he didn’t say it back?”

“No. What you want to do is tell him at like a vulnerable time when he has no choice but admit how he really feels.”

“Throwing him under a bus doesn’t seem like a good option.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. Like just as he falls asleep or when he wakes up. That’s how Gia pries it out of me.”

“I don’t want to pry it out of him. I want him to tell me because he wants me to know.”

“So, give him the chance. Move in with him. Stay in the guest room. Tell him you love him. If Jason’s any kind of man, the guest room routine will only last about two nights–three at the most.”

“And if he’s got more restraint than that?”

“I’ll have a talk with him.”

“Great. You’ll just confuse him more.”

“The man dates you, it’s not possible.”

“Ha.”

“Look, I gotta go. I gotta stop by the store and get another chocolate bar for Gia.”

“Don’t worry…it’s probably only another few days.”

“I wish you’d never told me.”

“Well, you asked.”

“You’d think I would have learned by now.”

“Yeah, you would wouldn’t you?”

“You gonna take my advice?”

“Yes. And I’m going to Victoria’s Secret before I move in.”

“I’m not going to ask.”

“Valentine’s Day sucks.”

“You only say that because Gia’s mad at you again.”

“Ha…yeah, well maybe. I take it today is a good day in paradise?”

“It’s better than usual.”

“This have anything to do with the candlelit dinner?”

“Absolutely nothing. By the way, the tablecloth caught on fire.”

“I told him it was a bad idea. What about the roses?”

“They fell in a puddle.”

“Huh. The candy?”

“Melted.”

“The bracelet?”

“Now, that I liked.”

“So, wait, the dinner was a bust, the flowers and candy both got ruined and you still had a good time?”

“Yes.”

“What are you on and why aren’t you sharing?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Elizabeth, you’re happy. About Valentine’s Day. And Jason.”

“So, what’s your point?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“All right, all right. You want to know what happened?”

“I’m dying to know how Jason didn’t screw this one up.”

“So, you remember the whole guest room, the I love you is nice debacle?”

“Yep.”

“He totally made up for it tonight.”

“Oooh….sounds good to me. So, what did he do?”

“He returned the favor.”

“Returned the favor–oooohhhh…so would it be okay for me to say I told you so?”

“Haha, you’re so funny.”

“I told you he felt the same way.”

“Yeah, well, I wasn’t exactly trusting men at the point.”

“So, I bet you grilled him on his reaction the first time you said it.”

“Hell, yeah.”

“Is he in least one piece?”

“Yes. You don’t give me enough credit, Lucky.”

“I know you too well.”

“I’m going to take that as a compliment.”

“If that’s what you want.”

“Anyway, he told me that he’d been a little surprised and said the first thing that came to his mind.”

“Typical guy reaction. Gia told me and I asked for the remote.”

“When did this happen?”

“You remember that bruise I was sporting about six months ago?”

“You mean the one you told me you got from a door?”

“Yeah…well, the door was kind of more like her fist.”

“Good girl.”

“Hey, abuse is not funny.”

“Neither is being a guy. Wait, I take that back. Sometimes guys are hysterical. You don’t always mean to be, but hey, sometimes it happens.”

“Haha, so funny. So, is that only the reason you had a good Valentine’s Day?”

“Well…there was that and the fact that I overheard Courtney is out of town until sometime this summer.”

“Ah. Another one of her vac ations. How many kids is this now?”

“Four, I think. Where do you think she stashes them?”

“Maybe adoption.”

“Yeah, probably. So, my life is looking up. Jason loves me, the Victoria’s Secret thing worked and the ho is out of town.”

“You know having a conversation where I’m not trying to explain the way Jason–wait, what Victoria’s Secret thing?”

“Never fails. You mention the V word and all other rational thought ends. I told you that before I moved in with Jason, I was going to do some shopping.”

“Ohhh…”

“Yup. Found this one number where the bra is like see-through–”

“Lizzie, I don’t need a visual. The thought is entirely too disturbing.”

“Sorry. Anyway, I got this completely sheer robe that matches–”

“Lizzie, no more visuals. I am begging you.”

“Well, it’s hard to describe what happened if you don’t at least have an idea what I was wearing.”

“Suddenly I feel really really bad for Jason.”

“You should. He’s an idiot. So, moving on. I came downstairs when I knew he was getting his midnight drink–”

“Midnight drink?”

“Yeah. Apparently he gets really dehydrated in the middle of the night. Strange.”

“Not really. I could tell you why, but it’s a guy thing.”

“Enough said. So, I came downstairs into the kitchen, cleared my throat and the rest was history.”

“That was really disgusting.”

“Hey, it was not!”

“So, Jase didn’t even last one night with you in the guest room. Weak.”

“Yeah, like you would last five minutes.”

“Okay, you’ve got me there. You know, you still owe me.”

“I do not!”

“Oh, you so do. I played Cupid, remember? I’m the one that convinced you to on the blind date with him.”

“Okay, you’ve got me there. What do you want?”

“Please explain to Gia that I honestly did not mean to call her fat.”

“You’re kidding.”

“It was an accident. Look, she had on this really great blue dress. And she totally tricked me.”

“She asked the question, didn’t she?”

“Yeah. I was stupid enough to give her an honest answer.”

“What did you say?”

“I said no, of course not.”

“Right. So, the problem?”

“She changed.”

“Oh, boy.”

“Yeah, and then she asked again. And I was honest. Again.”

“Lucky, you know I’m all for honesty usually, right?”

“Right.”

“When a woman asks a question like that, never…ever give her an honest answer. It’s just not worth it.”

“Why do you all ask that question anyway?”

“You really want to know?”

“YES! It’s obvious you don’t really want to know what we think.”

“I’ll tell you if you really want to know.”

“Tell me. Please.”

“We love to watch you squirm for the right answer.”

“You’re kidding.”

“Nope.”

“Brats. Every single one of you.”

“I think I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“So, how does Jason answer that question?”

“He doesn’t.”

“And you let him get away with that?”

“I don’t ask.”

“You don’t? How’d he get so lucky?”

“Because Jason would give me an honest answer without a second thought. He’s like that. Doesn’t see the point in lying or anything.”

“Ah. If only Gia could be like you.”

“You love her just the way she is, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know. So any suggesti ons?”

“Grovel.”

“Check. Anything else?”

“Jewelry, probably. A nice pair of earrings or something.”

“Got it. Thanks, babe.”

“Good. So, we’re even, right?”

“We’re even.”

“Good. Because you’ve been lording the blind date thing over me for like nine months. It’s getting ridiculous.”

“Well, you know if you get married, I get to do it all over again.”

“How do you figure?”

“I don’t. I’ve just decided it on the spot.”

“You need some serious help.”

“Yeah, well, so do you.”

“This is true. Now go grovel to Gia. You got me out of bed to talk about this, and I think Jason–”

“No, no. Please, no visuals.”