November 27, 2003

Wyndemere: Living Room

“God damn Rams,” Luke grumbled, reaching for his bourbon glass.

“I told you I was gonna win, Uncle Luke,” Lucas said, grinning. “It’s the Patriots year. Brady’s gonna take them all the way.”

“He’s a young little arrogant hotshot,” Luke argued. “He’ll choke.”

“His team won the Super Bowl before thanks to him,” Lucky reminded his father.

Luke glared at his son. “Luck don’t strike twice.”

“God-given talent,” Lucas argued. “Brady’s the best quarterback the Patriots have had.”

“Ah…” Luke waved it off and sat back.

Sage frowned. “I have no idea what’s going on right now,” she told Michael, who nodded.

“I root for the blue team because that’s my favorite color,” he told her with complete seriousness. “Who do you like, Mommy?”

“He’s cute, who does he play for?” Carly asked, gesturing to the screen where a picture of a player and his stats were profiled.

“That’s Tom Brady for the Patriots,” Lucky said, absently.

“Okay, then I’m a Patriots fan.”

“Hey, Spencers are Rams fans,” Luke told her with a glare.

“This Spencer ain’t,” Lucky said with a grin.

“This one either,” Lucas agreed.

“You both take after your mothers,” Luke muttered. “Hey, Barbara Jean, you got any more of this pigs in a blanket crap?” he called to the kitchen.

“Make it yourself!” Bobbie called back.

“Where did Uncle Jason go?” Michael asked disappointed. “He was supposed to watch the parade with me.”

“He went to talk to Elizabeth,” Carly told him. “Besides, I’m here. Aren’t I good enough?” she teased.

“Yeah,” Michael agreed. “But he promised.”

“He and Elizabeth had a fight and he went to make it better,” Carly explained.

“Oh, that’s okay then.”

Lucky frowned. “What kind of fight?” he asked, concerned. “What did he do?”

“Oh, you know men. Said something he didn’t think was particularly bad and her hormones,” Carly waved it off. “He just went to apologize.”

“I remember when Laura was pregnant with the squirt,” Luke said, gesturing towards the floor where Lulu was studiously brushing and braiding about a dozen different Barbie dolls. “I said cow referring to something on the television and she thought I was calling her a cow–” he whistled. “To this day, I don’t say the word around a pregnant woman.”

Sage rolled her eyes. “I am so not going to be that way when I get pregnant.” She grinned. “I’m going to do my pregnancy in style.”

Lucas laughed. “What? With designer maternity clothes?”

“Of course. Just because you’re having a kid, it doesn’t mean you have to lose all sense of style,” Sage said with a teasing glint in her eyes.

“I feel bad for the schmuck you marry,” Lucas said shaking his head.

She frowned. “Schmuck? Why’s he gotta be schmuck?”

“I dunno, just seemed like the thing to say,” he shrugged. Sage whacked him in the arm with a magazine. “Ow! Geez, sorry.”

“Hey, it’s snowing!” Michael announced gleefully. He ran across the room to stand by the huge window. “I wanna go play!”

Sage grinned. “How much snow is on the ground?” she asked.

“Lots now!”

“Someone promised me snow angels,” she told Lucas. “Come on.” She stood and yanked him off the couch.

“What about the game?” Lucas protested.

“Please–the cute guy will win, I totally predict it.” She turned to Carly. “Is it okay if I take Michael?”

“Sure. Michael, just listen to Sage and don’t wander off,” Carly directed.

“Okay, let’s go,” Sage yanked on Lucas’s hand and drug him into the hallway, Michael running behind them.

“He seems happier away from…everything,” Luke observed. “Michael, I mean.”

“I was sorry to let Leticia go, but…” Carly shrugged. “I think it’s better for them. It’s not like I have this rigorous schedule that I can’t take care of the boys. I’m not going to the club full-time until after the holidays and even then I can take Morgan during the day.”

“Sage seems nice,” Lucky told her. “Hard to believe she’s the same girl that tried to shoot–” he grimaced. “Alexis. She doesn’t know Sage is here.”

“And Sage doesn’t know about Alexis…” Carly trailed off. “I like to think she’s come away from that person she was just a few weeks ago. Maybe…maybe this will be okay,” she said hesitantly.

Luke snorted. “I guess this is going to be a crazy Quartermaine-esque holiday anyway. Good, I thought it’d be boring.”

Elizabeth’s Bedroom

He knocked lightly on her door and Elizabeth–thinking it was Nikolas–told him to come in. “Elizabeth,” Jason began.

“Jason, I don’t have the energy to argue anymore,” she sighed.

“I don’t want to argue,” Jason assured. He sat hesitantly on the edge of her bed. “I’m sorry for what I said downstairs. I just–there are things going on inside my head that you–you don’t know about and–”

“Then tell me,” she said softly. She turned on the bed, tucking a leg underneath her body.

“I just–” he exhaled slowly. “What Michael said downstairs–about things not being black and white, that after we stopped—after you left,” he hesitated, “I didn’t wake up and not feel the same way anymore. That was true and I wasn’t prepared for him of all people to say it.”

“He was just repeating what Sage told him,” Elizabeth said softly. “I’m sure she didn’t mean any harm–he probably just had questions–”

“But she was right and it kind of–it just…it surprises me that people can even guess the reasons…what happened…happened,” Jason tried to explain.

“I don’t–I don’t understand.”

“I used to be able to do it–switch emotions off and on. It made my life more simple. For the job–for survival,” he told her. “When Robin left–when I lost Michael, I had to find a way to shut out the pain. It didn’t always work–but I could do everything possible not to see Michael and Robin was out of the country–” he shook his head. “When you left, I couldn’t do that.”

“I–” she broke off when she realized she didn’t know what to say. “I don’t–”

“There was this–this emptiness inside,” he told her. “Like someone was squeezing me and it was hard to breathe. I tried–I tried to keep my mind off it. I threw myself into work–and Courtney.”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Elizabeth said immediately. She stood and crossed the room, folding her arms tightly.

“I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I didn’t–I don’t feel like I’m doing this right.”

“Why’d you kiss me?” she demanded suddenly, turning to face him.

He blinked. “What?”

“That night. In the hallway, why did you kiss me?” Elizabeth asked. “Why did you come inside? Why didn’t you leave?”

“Why’d you kiss me back?” he asked instead of answering. “Why didn’t you stop it? Why didn’t you tell me to leave?”

“I asked you first.”

He sighed, drove his fingers through his hair. “I don’t–” he stopped and shook his head. “No, I do know why I did it. When you looked up at me–when I helped you unlock the door–there was just…you were looking at me the way you used to. Before I lied to you–before I hurt you. And I just…I wanted to hold on to that look for as long as I could.”

Elizabeth wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “Isn’t that a nice coincidence? Because you were looking at me the way you did before I walked out–and I missed it. You know? And I really didn’t want to lose that again.”

Fountain

“Wow, this has got to be the coolest place ever,” Sage marveled as they found the large out of service stone fountain outside Wyndemere’s main entrance. “I bet this was like the courtyard when the Cassadines had money. And all the really awesome balls and parties they must have thrown.”

She twirled in a little circle and c aught some of the falling snow on her tongue. Lucas laughed. “You think you’d never seen snow before.”

“Did I mention most of my schools were in South America?” Sage asked. “I lived in Brazil and Spain. My father hated snow so I never spent the winter anywhere where there was snow.”

“Wow, so you’ve never seen snow?” Michael asked. He found a bigger pile of it and jumped feet first, sending little puffs of snow everywhere.

“Just dusting the other day,” Sage reported. She tugged on Lucas’s arm. “Come on, you promised.”

“It’s like baby-sitting two kids,” Lucas laughed and he started to search for a place so Sage could do her snow angels.

Elizabeth’s Bedroom

Elizabeth cleared her throat. “We should–should go downstairs.” But she didn’t move.

“Elizabeth–I kissed you that night because I wanted to,” Jason told her. “I don’t know if that’s enough for you but everything that happened that night–it meant something to me.”

“It meant something to me too,” Elizabeth said quietly. She clasped her hands nervously in front of her and stared at the floor.

“I do…I do love Courtney–but it’s not the way I should,” Jason attempted to continue. “It’s not the way she deserves.”

“What’s between you and your wife is none of my business,” Elizabeth said stiffly. She smoothed her hands over the skirt of her dress and licked her lips nervously. “I–”

“She’s filing for divorce,” Jason interrupted her. “Because she knows that–that–” he swallowed hard. “That I could never love her the way I love you,” he finally managed to say.

Elizabeth raised her eyes to his slowly. “What?” she asked–almost scared of the answer. Maybe she’d heard wrong–maybe he meant it in another way.

“I tried–I tried to forget it,” he said, “I tried to bury it, you know? And for a while, I thought I had but–but no matter what–I keep coming back to that.”

“To what?” Elizabeth asked, desperate to hear the words spill from his lips again. “What do you keep coming back to?” There was a note of desperation in her voice and she hated herself for it.

“I never stopped loving you,” Jason admitted. “And the reason I came inside that night–the reason I didn’t leave is because I wanted–for the first time in a long time, I didn’t care what you wanted or what I should do or shouldn’t be doing. I just–I did what I wanted to do.”

Say the words! Elizabeth’s mind screamed. Say them, damn it! “Jason–if–if that’s true then why did you tell me–why did you say it was a mistake?”

“Because it was in a way,” Jason sighed. He took a deep breath. “You deserve better than that night–better than some cold hard floor or an old threadbare couch–”

“That’s my studio,” Elizabeth said, shaking her head. “It was my home and none of those things ever mattered to me–you know that. That night was perfect to me in every way. Even if shouldn’t have happened–it was perfect.”

When he said nothing in return, she sighed and started past him. “We should go down stairs,” she mumbled.

He caught her elbow as she passed and spun her back to him. “Jason–” he cut off her protest with his lips. She resisted at first but he kept his grip on her elbow and shifted his other hand to her cheek. After a moment, Elizabeth melted into him, letting the familiar sensations roll over her.

He changed the angle of the kiss, slanting his mouth against hers harder, thrusting his tongue inside her mouth.

A loud crash sounded from the kitchen below them and Elizabeth broke away from him, breathing hard. “What are you doing?” she demanded.

“I–” Jason frowned. “I thought it was kind of obvious.”

“You…you’re married and I can’t–” she shook her head. “I can’t keep doing this, Jason! This whole situation–everything we have been about for the past four years–I can’t do it anymore!”

“What do you want me to do about it?” he retorted.

“I can’t be your second choice,” Elizabeth told him. “And that’s what I am right now. You left my studio that morning and you went home to her. You married her. You stayed with her.”

“I–”

“And I do deserve better than that. You cannot stand there and tell me that you love me in a way you don’t love Courtney when the only person you’ve gone out of your way to be with is her.”

“Elizabeth, I thought–”

She jerked open her bedroom door and disappeared down the hallway. After a moment, he followed her.

Fountain

“Okay, how do I get up without ruining it?” Sage asked, looking up at Lucas.

“Here.” He took her hands in his and helped her stand step away from her finished snow angel. “What do you think?”

“I want to make another,” Sage announced. She looked around. “Where did Michael go?”

“I’m building a snowman!” Michael called from around the corner of the house.

“You have snow all over you,” Lucas told her, brushing it from the top of her hair. “You’re like a kid.”

“Just because I’m spoiled little rich girl, it doesn’t mean I don’t get happy over little things,” Sage remarked airily. She giggled and crouched down, rolling together some snow.

“Don’t tell me you’re trying to make a snowball.” Lucas shook his head and crouched down in front of her. “You’re doing it all wrong–this is way too loose. You can’t use any of the powder.”

“Well excuse me, Frosty,” Sage replied, rolling her eyes. She abandoned her snowball and pushed him playfully. “You know–I could take you,” she boasted.

He stood and pulled her to her feet. “Yeah, okay.”

“I could. I know five ways to cut off a man’s airway,” Sage remarked seriously. “I saw it on the Discovery Channel once.”

“Oh, really?” Lucas said, amused. He pushed her lightly.

“Yeah, I’m totally stronger than I look,” Sage reported. “Bet you can’t catch me!” Her eyes sparkled and she faked a lunge to the left before darting to the right.

Lucas caught her easily. “Please, you’re trying to out run a track star.”

“Ha! You haven’t seen my best move!” Sage hooked her foot around his ankle and yanked, sending him crashing backwards. He still had a grip on her and she went down hard on top. “Okay, that wasn’t what I had in mind,” she grumbled.

“Serves you right,” he replied. She shifted and sat up so he could as well. “How much longer until dinner do you think?”

“I don’t know, it’s like only noon,” she replied. Sage reached forward and brushed the snow from his hair.

“Hey, I’m a growing boy–I need to eat,” he said defensively. She laughed and Lucas suddenly leaned forward and kissed her quickly.

Her eyes widened and she stared at him. “What was that for?”

Lucas shrugged. “Felt like it.”

“Well, okay then.”

“Sage, Lucas! I need help putting the head on!” Michael yelled.

Kitchen

Elizabeth stalked into the kitchen, making a beeline for the counter where she’d been making the fruit salad. She furiously started to slice apples.

“You should never use a sharp instrument when you’re angry,” Alexis said from her perch across the room, sipping a glass of apple cider.

“Honey?” Bobbie asked, setting down a finished bowl of mashed potatoes. “Are you feeling better?”

“I’m feeling much better and yet worse all at the same time,” Elizabeth muttered.

Emily set a finished pumpkin pie on the counter. “Did my brother say something asinine?” she asked, understandingly.

“Oh, you bet.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “He told me he loved me.”

All work ceased in the kitchen–the sounds of the knife cutting into fruit were all that were left.

Emily exchanged sympathetic looks with the other women. “That’s not a good thing?” she asked hesitantly.

Elizabeth whirled around, a knife in her hand and her eyes flashing with anger. “Not when he’s married to Courtney. Not when he chose her over me time and time again. Not when he left me to be with her. Not when I wasn’t enough to be with after that night,” she seethed.

“Well…” Bobbie trailed off and sighed.

“Elizabeth, my brother has got himself into a very deep amount of shit this year,” Emily began with good intentions.

“And he still went from my bed to hers and he married her,” Elizabeth reminded her. “Apparently he loved me enough to tell me that the night we conceived our child was mistake and he loved me enough to marry another woman. Yay for me.”

+7

November 27, 2003

Wyndemere: Elizabeth’s Bedroom

Nikolas knocked on the open door and peered in as Elizabeth sat silently on the bed, brushing her hair out. “I have to tell you something.”

“What?” Elizabeth asked. She set the brush on her nightstand and stood, slipping her feet into the one inch pair of heels.

“When Bobbie and I were setting up dinner last night–she told me she wanted to eat dinner with Carly. You know–she told her mother she’s filing for divorce and Bobbie just wants to be with her.”

“Oh. Well, then I guess dinner won’t be as edible since you’ve been cooking for yourself,” Elizabeth said with a smile. “Maybe we should take a tip from the Quartermaines and do pizza.”

“Well…I suggested we all eat here–in the big dining room,” Nikolas said. “Bobbie’s already here actually–Emily’s downstairs helping her with the turkey and I think Alexis volunteered to help too.”

Elizabeth hesitated. “That means Carly’s eating here.”

“Yeah…she’s bringing the boys–and Sage Alcazar,” Nikolas reported. He managed a weak smile. “She’s leaving Lorenzo at home. Thanksgiving isn’t really his thing or something.”

“Right,” Elizabeth said slowly. “And I get the feeling that’s not the end of the story–although having me, Carly and Alexis all in the same room should be interesting enough.”

“Well, apparently Michael had made Jason promise he’d come for dinner since he’s been so busy lately–”

Elizabeth hesitated. “Why would you think that would bother me?”

“Well…I just thought…” Nikolas shrugged. “Have you seen Carly since she found out the baby? Or do you know if Jason’s told Michael? And let’s not forget who else is on the guest list. Emily, Luke, Lucky, Lulu–” he shook his head. “It just seems like there’s a lot of people that aren’t in on the happy news.”

“Well, eventually everyone will know. And like I said–not a big deal.” She walked past him and headed down stairs.

Kitchen

“Hey, Liz,” Emily greeted with a smile as she struggled with the electric mixer and a bowl of potatoes.

“Hey.” She reached for an apron and tied it over her dress. “Bobbie–what do you need me to do?”

Bobbie checked the timer on the oven. “Fruit salad–can you cut up that pile over there?” she asked, pointing to a section of the counter piled with assorted fruit. Elizabeth washed her hands and got started.

“So, Elizabeth, Nikolas told me the, ah, happy news,” Alexis began conversationally as she regarded the can opener warily.

“Well it’s news–but I don’t know about happy.” She peeled a banana and tossed the peel.

“Well, Elizabeth, I hope you’re prepared for the backlash,” Bobbie sighed. “I really wish you girls would learn to think before you act.”

“I did think,” Elizabeth said defensively. Her cheeks flushed. “I just didn’t care what happened.”

“Besides, Bobbie,” Emily said, finally getting the mixer to switch on. She raised her voice over the loud noise. “My brother’s a good man.”

“A good married man,” Bobbie sighed.

“If you could call it a marriage,” Alexis muttered. She jumped as the can opener whirled to life and started to cut open the can of yams.

Elizabeth popped a piece of banana in her mouth. “What do you mean by that?” she asked.

“Well, they got married in early October and a week later, she was in that little town with the boys. I don’t think they’ve even had a chance to live together since then. And anyway–Liz is due.”

“Due what?” Elizabeth asked.

“Well, he was yours first,” Alexis reminded her.

“He doesn’t belong to anyone,” Emily cut in crossly. She shrieked a huge glob of mashed potatoes flew up from the bowl and landed in her hair.

Elizabeth laughed and abandoned the fruit salad to help her clean it off. After just a few moments, the smell of the potatoes turned her stomach and she felt ill. “I’ll be right back,” she managed to blurt out before running out the kitchen.

“Morning sickness is a bitch,” Alexis said decisively. She wrenched the yams from the can opener.

Nikolas was just leading Carly, Jason and the boys in when Elizabeth pushed past them and ran into the bathroom, slamming the door behind them.

Alarmed, Jason went to go after her but Carly stopped him. “No, she’s probably just getting sick. It’s normal.”

“I still want to make sure,” Jason said.

Michael nodded. “That’s why you make a good daddy,” he said firmly. Jason frowned, unaware that Michael knew about the pregnancy and Sage clasped her hands behind her back, letting an innocent whistle out of her mouth.

“Sage?” Carly prompted.

“Okay, so I kind of let it slip,” Sage admitted. Bristling under Jason’s annoyed glare, she glared right back. “Hey, if someone had told me it was supposed to be this huge secret maybe I would have been more careful.”

Emily emerged from the kitchen, still cleaning the potatoes out of her hair. “Did Elizabeth run past you guys?” she asked.

“Yeah. What happened to you?” Nikolas asked, fighting a smile.

“Minor disagreement with a mixer,” Emily replied. She tousled Michael’s hair, kissed her brother on the cheek, smiled politely at Carly, pinched Morgan’s cheek and went towards the bathroom. “Liz, you finished puking yet?” she called through the door.

“No matter how old she gets, she’s still as weird as the day I met her,” Lucky said with a grin. “Hey, guys. There’s snacks in the living room. I got the game on in there but you can change it to the parade. I gotta go call in real quick.” He was taking his cell phone out as he headed into the study.

“The living room is through there,” Nikolas said with a sigh. “Just a warning–Luke’s there too and he’s in a mood.”

“Ooh…Uncle Luke,” Michael said cheerfully. He looked up at Sage. “C’mon, you gotta meet him, he’s the coolest.” He took her hand and yanked in that direction.

“Okay, okay, deep breaths!”

“Is there some place quiet I could put Morgan?” Carly asked Nikolas. “He’s due for a nap.”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll show you the nursery. Kristina’s taking her nap, too.” He took Carly’s elbow and led her to the stairs.

Left to his own devices, Jason joined Emily at the bathroom door. “Is she okay?”

She crooked her finger at him and drew him away from the door and out of Elizabeth’s earshot. “She’s been a little sad but Nikolas talked to her the night before last and I don’t know–she was better the next morning. Even made fun of Lucky.” Emily’s eyes softened. “How are you doing?”

“I’m fine,” Jason said. He slid his hands into his jeans pockets. “Really. I–everything’s fine.”

“Emily!” Alexis called from the kitchen. “I’m admitting defeat. Come open this corn!”

Emily shook her head and laughed. “I guess the can opener kicked her ass. Coming, Alexis!” She touched her brother’s arm. “Don’t let Liz back into the kitchen. She’ll just get sick again.”

She moved into the kitchen and Jason went back to the bathroom door. A few moments later, a pale Elizabeth pulled open the door and stepped out. She stopped short at the sight of Jason. “Hey.”

“Hey. You…you okay?”

“Mmmm hmm. Just the smell of the potatoes, I think.” Elizabeth cleared her throat and looked away.

Maybe it’s time you asked him.

Forcing Lucky’s words from her mind, she took a deep breath. “I should get back to the kitchen.”

“Emily said not to let you,” Jason called after her as she started back. “Says you’ll just get sick again.”

“Oh…really?” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “She just hates the thought of someone getting sick. She’s such a weakling How she thinks she’s going to make a credible doctor…”

Michael came running out of the living room. “Uncle Jason, Uncle Jason!” he called. Jason picked him up–even though he was way too old for such measures and the redhead giggled. “They’ve got a Charlie Brown float!” he told him, excitedly.

Not having a clue who Charlie Brown was, Jason just nodded. “That’s great, buddy.”

Michael seemed to notice Elizabeth’s presence then. “Oh, hey, Elizabeth.”

“Hey, Michael.”

Michael scrutinized her carefully. “You don’t look pregnant.”

Jason immediately lowered the boy to the floor and took a deep breath. “Michael, I think we need to have a talk.”

“I’m sorry–I thought it would be rude to ask her why she wasn’t fat,” Michael said dejectedly. He looked back at Elizabeth. “Right?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think that’s what Jason wants to talk to you about,” Elizabeth replied with a smile. “I’ll just–”

“It’s okay, though ’cause Sage told me all about it,” Michael said. “I was confused because Mommy told me that only married people make babies and I thought that meant you had to be married to each other but I guess not.”

Elizabeth flushed and really wished she could die on the spot. “I–um.”

“What exactly did Sage tell you?” Jason cut in.

“That you and Elizabeth dated before you liked Aunt Courtney,” Michael began with great relish, eager to show off his memorizing skills. “And that even though you wasn’t together no more, you still loved her ’cause it’s not black and white.”

“What’s–what’s not black and white?” Jason asked, wishing he had Sage Alcazar in front of him to throttle.

“Adult stuff,” Michael said seriously. “See, when I found you was gonna be a daddy, I thought that meant Aunt Courtney was pregnant but Sage said that wasn’t it at all and I figured that because I thought she would have told me if she was pregnant, you know?”

“Yeah.” Jason crouched down. “Michael–”

“So, I asked Sage how come you made a baby with someone that’s not Aunt Courtney and she told me that breaking up isn’t black and white. I don’t know what that really meant–but like…you didn’t wake up and decide you didn’t love Elizabeth, anymore.” He frowned. “Right?”

Jason took a deep breath. “Well–essentially–”

“Okay and then Sage said that you love Aunt Courtney, too and that making a baby with someone else doesn’t make anyone a bad person…” he hesitated. “I think–what did she say?”

“Sage is right,” Elizabeth said unexpectedly. She kneeled down. “None of this makes anyone a bad person. And it’s really important that you always remember that.”

Michael nodded. “But I know Aunt Courtney is sad, but I talked to Brian yesterday and he taught to her ice skate and that she’d fallen and laughed so I think she’s going to be okay.”

Elizabeth frowned slightly but nodded. “Well, that’s good news because we don’t want anyone to be sad.”

“Yeah, ’cause a baby is good news. I remember that my mommy and daddy were really excited about Morgan but you don’t smile like they did,” Michael told his uncle seriously. He looked at Elizabeth. “And you’re not smiling either. So if you don’t want to be sad, why don’t you want to be happy?”

“It’s really complicated, Michael,” Elizabeth said softly. “My grandmother isn’t exactly as happy as you are and it makes me sad.”

“Well, that’s not fair. Because your baby is going to be my cousin since Uncle Jason is my uncle, right?”

“If–if that’s okay with your mother and with Jason and everyone,” Elizabeth replied.

“It’s fine with me,” Jason confirmed. “And I am happy about it,” he told the boy who’d once been his son. “I’ve just been worried about Aunt Courtney, your mom and everything else. But I’m real glad you’re okay with this.”

“Okay, then come watch the parade with me,” Michael said, ending the conversation. “Sage is making googly-eyes at Lucas and that’s no fun.”

“We’ll be right in,” Jason promised. As Michael went back into the living room, they both straightened.

“Well, that was only mildly mortifying,” Elizabeth muttered, folding her arms tightly. “But I guess Sage couldn’t tell a seven-year-old boy the truth.”

“Especially if Sage doesn’t know the truth.”

“Well, what is the truth?” Elizabeth demanded. “What do you want people to say?”

“I don’t care what people say,” Jason said, irritated. “Why do you?”

“Because those people are people who know my grandmother–work with her–and I’m sorry if I don’t want my grandmother to think I’m some kind of whore,” Elizabeth retorted.

“If she knew anything about you, she’d know that’s not true,” Jason protested. “And no one is saying that–”

“You’re not the one who has to listen to it–no one’s going to say it to your face or when you’re in earshot–” Elizabeth broke off suddenly and shook her head. “I don’t want to argue anymore. Not with you, not with anyone. Nothing we say to each other is going to make a difference. It happened, it’s over–now we just have to deal with the consequences.”

Maybe it’s time you ask her why.

Forcing Carly’s words out of his mind and focusing on Elizabeth’s, he narrowed his eyes. “Is that all this baby is to you? A consequence?” he demanded.

The scorn in his voice made her take a step back. Her eyes filled with tears as they searched his own. “I–I just meant…the things around us,” she said softly. “The…people that–of course I don’t –excuse me.” She pushed past him and ran towards the steps, passing a descending Nikolas and Carly.

It took Jason less than five seconds to start after her but Nikolas blocked his path, alongside a distressed Carly. “Oh, no you don’t,” he said darkly.

Living Room

“Sage, I don’t think my uncle is too happy with you,” Michael announced gleefully, flopping in between Sage and Lucas on the couch.

“You didn’t tell him what I told you on Tuesday, did you?” Sage asked apprehensively.

Amused, Lucas sat up. “What did you say on Tuesday?”

“I made some assumptions about his relationship with Elizabeth Webber,” Sage admitted, sheepishly. “Well, I couldn’t just tell him–” she pressed her hands against Michael’s ears. “You know–that guys get horny and any woman will do in that mood.”

“You know…secrets are impolite,” Michael said crossly.

“Well, that’s true,” Lucas agreed. “So, Michael, what did he tell you?”

“Well, not much more than I already knew but did you know that Elizabeth’s grandmother isn’t happy about it? She almost looked ready to cry when she told me that,” Michael said sadly.

“Go watch the parade,” Sage directed, shoving Michael towards the big-screen television and a napping Luke.

“Must be nice to be a kid when every thing is as simple as people being happy or sad,” Lucas observed.

“Yeah. I should probably apologize to Jason but really–Michael had questions and no one else was going to give him a straight answer,” Sage sighed.

“He trusts you though. Looks up to you,” Lucas told her. “He listens when you tell him to do something.”

“Well…I guess it’s because I don’t bullshit with him. I treat him like he’s seven and not three and I don’t ignore him. He respects that and he’s a great kid. Makes me wish I had a little brother,” Sage sighed wistfully.

“Looks like you do now.”

Hallway

“Look–I said something that upset her and I want–”

“I don’t give a damn what you want,” Nikolas interrupted. “You don’t get to hurt her.”

“Hey, we don’t even know what was said,” Carly protested. “Maybe it was accidental–her hormones–”

“No–I know exactly what I said,” Jason interrupted. “I need to apologize–”

“She’s already going through enough hell without you making it worse,” Nikolas cut in.

“I know–”

“He deserves the chance to apologize,” Carly argued. “I’ll ream him out,” she promised Nikolas. “Can you go check on Michael and Sage for me?”

Nikolas hesitated but went down the stairs and disappeared into the living room. When she was sure he was gone, Carly took a deep breath. “Jason, you need to talk to her.”

“I know, so let me–”

“No, I mean you really need to talk to her.” She pressed a hand against his chest. “Jason–you two have enough to deal without fighting each other.”

“I know–”

“Did you ask her?” Carly pushed. “I think you need to. For yourself and for her.”

“Carly, don’t–don’t do this. I don’t–I can’t do this right now.”

“Then what are you going to say up there?” Carly demanded. “Apologize for saying whatever you said, she’ll forgive you…then what? Where does that get you? How does that make anything better?”

“Nothing is going to make this better,” Jason argued. “Nothing I do or say is going to erase what happened–what I’ve done to the people I’m supposed to love–”

“Supposed to love,” Carly interrupted softly. “Since when did you care about things like that? You used to be all about what was–not what wasn’t or should be. C’mon, Jase.”

He took an angry harsh breath. “Carly–”

“Jason, I am way more stubborn than you are. I will win this fight and you know it.”

He exhaled slowly and dropped his chin to his chest. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

“So, you’ll talk to her?”

“Yeah…I’ll talk to her.”

+7

November 25, 2003

Carly’s House

“Wow…you guys call that a mall?” Sage laughed as she pulled off her coat and hung it on the coat rack.

Lucas rolled his eyes. “Sorry, Miss European Debutante,” he teased. “But we country folks don’t need eight different types of the same store.”

“Yeah, okay,” Sage hung her scarf up and brushed some snowflakes from the front of her clothes.

“You got some in your hair,” Lucas told her, bringing a hand up to brush them out of her dark tresses.

“I still think you should have let me make that snow angel,” Sage complained. “I’ve never made one of those before.”

Lucas rolled his eyes and brushed his fingertips over her eyelashes where there were a few more flakes. Her eyes fluttered shut and she smiled. “There’s not enough snow on the ground. Wait until Christmas time. You’ll drown in the amount of snow we get here.”

“And then you’ll let me make snow angels?”

“I’ll make them with you if you want,” Lucas replied. She opened her eyes and met his warm brown ones. “I had a good time today, Sage.”

“I did, too.” She hesitated. “I’m glad…you came by yesterday.”

“Me, too.” Lucas cleared his throat and stepped back from her. “Do–do you need a ride to school tomorrow?”

“Sage? Is that you?”

Her uncle’s voice from the kitchen made her blink and turn. When she saw Lorenzo standing in the doorway, she squealed and took off running, throwing herself in his arms. “Uncle Zo!”

“Hey, you’re late,” Lorenzo said, hugging her back. “Carly already left for her appointment.”

“Oh…I completely forgot about that. I was supposed to baby-sit the boys.” Sage pulled away and tugged her uncle over to Lucas. “Uncle Zo, this is Lucas Jones. Lucas, this is my uncle, Lorenzo Alcazar.”

Lucas nodded stiffly, didn’t offer his hand. The memory of being shoved to the ground while two men who worked for Luis Alcazar grabbed his cousins was all too vivid in his mind.

“Lucas,” Lorenzo said politely. He put a hand on Sage’s shoulder. “I guess you two have made up. Carly said that yesterday was a bit rough.”

“He apologized, it’s all fine,” Sage assured him. “Anyway, I though you were supposed to be gone all week!”

“I finished my work more quickly than I had expected.”

There was a moment of awkward silence then. Lucas shuffled his feet. “I should go,” he told Sage. “Did you need a ride tomorrow?”

She opened her mouth to accept but her uncle answered instead. “Sage will have a driver from now.”

“Uncle Zo,” Sage complained.

“Okay, well then I’ll just see you tomorrow.” Not waiting for anything more, Lucas turned and left.

Sage socked her uncle in the arm. “I don’t want a driver!” she complained. “And why did you have to be so mean to him?”

“I was under the impression that he’d been rather cruel to you yesterday,” Lorenzo replied.

“Yes, but he apologized and he’s been really nice to me and I really like him and you chased him off.” She slugged him again. “Don’t be such a jerk all the time.”

“Sage?” Michael’s voice called from the kitchen. The little redheaded boy appeared in the doorway.

“Hey, champ,” Sage greeted affectionately. She walked towards him and tousled his hair. “How was school?”

“Fine. Why are you yelling at your uncle?”

“Because he’s a geek,” Sage said crossly. She poured herself some milk and then stopped as a horrible thought occurred to her. “We…we’re going home tonight aren’t we?” she asked.

“Well…you do live with me, to Carly. You knew this would be temporary.” Lorenzo sat down at the table.

“Well…yeah. But you were supposed to be gone a whole week,” Sage sighed. She sank into a chair across from him.

“I don’t want you to leave!” Michael said crossly. “Everyone’s always leavin’ me. My daddy left, Courtney left, Brian left and Uncle Jase never comes around no more. Why do ya gotta go?”

“Because I live with my uncle and we don’t live here.” Sage propped her chin on her hand. “But I’ll come by and visit you guys. Plus, my uncle’s a guy and they’re idiots. I need to talk to Carly.”

Lorenzo scowled. “That’s not very nice.”

“Well neither is being a jerk to the only person in my school that’s talking to me,” Sage said, irritated. “I don’t want a driver. I want to be normal, Uncle Lorenzo.”

“I like my mommy driving me to school too,” Michael said firmly. He bit into his peanut butter and banana sandwich. “Much better than Max or Leticia. Even if she does go too fast.”

“Sage, it’s all well and good to be want to be normal but there are still some precautions that need to be taken. If you want to be in Port Charles with me, I want you to be safe.”

“Look, the only person in this town you need to worry about is Jason,” Sage told him. “And I really don’t think he’s the type to go after kids. I mean–he’s got one on the way after all. You think he’s gonna hurt me?”

“My Uncle Jase don’t hurt no one!” Michael argued. His brow furrowed. “What’s one on the way mean?”

“It means that your uncle is going to be a father,” Lorenzo said absently as he considered Sage’s words. “There is still Faith Roscoe,” he reminded her.

“Faith is all talk. I can handle her.”

“But doesn’t Uncle Jase need someone to carry the baby?” Michael asked. His eyes brightened. “Aunt Courtney’s having a baby?”

Sage bit her lip and looked at her uncle with some guilt. “Oops.”

“Oops what?” Michael asked.

“Uh…you know what, Michael? Why don’t you talk to your uncle about that?” Sage said helpfully, not wanting to have to explain to the little boy about men and women, sex appeal and good old-fashioned adultery.

Elevator

“Carly…” Jason sighed and shook his head. “I don’t have the time for this conversation.”

“You don’t have the time for a simple yes or no?” Carly asked, her eyebrows raised.

“I’m married,” Jason said defensively.

“Uh huh.”

“She’s married.”

“Yeah…still not the answer I’m looking for.”

“Well…so it doesn’t matter,” Jason said, his eyes trained on the descending numbers of the elevator.

“I remember when I was first encouraging you to be with Courtney. I asked if you were holding back because of Elizabeth–if you were still hung up on her.” Carly shoved her hands into her coat pockets. “And you told me that it was over, that it hadn’t really started.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So that wasn’t answering the question and neither does ‘I’m married’ or ‘she’s married.’ You’re both getting divorced. So, come on Mr. I Don’t Lie, I Omit…answer the question.”

“I…it’s complicated.”

Thankfully, the doors opened and he entered the parking garage. Narrowing her eyes, Carly moved after him. “Look…this is just between us. I told you that I was going to give you my unconditional support in this. That I wasn’t going to take sides–”

“Carly–” Jason stopped at their car and sighed. “That’s not what this is about.”

“Oh…okay, so let’s try something more simple. Why’d you kiss her?” Carly challenged. She put her hands on her hips. “You were engaged and I know that you love Courtney. So why did you kiss someone you told me you were over?”

“I–I told you that already.”

“No, you stated the facts. You walked her to her door, you helped her get the key in the lock, you kissed her, you had sex–more than once. You agreed it was a mistake. And end of the story.”

“Right.”

“Yeah, okay. So…why you’d kiss her? Why didn’t you stop it? Why did you do it more than once? Why was it a mistake?” Carly pressed. She took the keys from him. “We’re not leaving here until you start talking. Because the sooner you face your own reasons, the better off everyone involved will be.”

Wyndemere

“Hey,” Nikolas kissed Elizabeth on the cheek before turning to his brother. “Everything stored at the house?”

“Yeah, Dad says Elizabeth can use the basement as long as she wants.” Lucky grinned. “Says she can have the house if she’ll promise to baby-sit Lulu.”

“The studio’s clean and I cancelled my lease,” Elizabeth sighed. “Where’s Emily?”

“She met her mother for lunch at the hospital. How about an apartment? Did you find something?”

“Yeah, an insanely huge apartment that’s like the size of Jason’s penthouse if it were on one floor,” Elizabeth muttered. She sat on the arm of the couch. “Two bedrooms, an area for the studio, kitchen, two baths–way too much.”

“She showed me the apartment–it’s perfect,” Lucky said. “It’s a few blocks from where the studio was, but in a better apartment. It’s a few minutes from everywhere she needs to be. From Kelly’s, the docks, the hospital, from the station–from Jason.”

“Yeah, so as soon as Jason gets the papers signed, I’m moving in,” Elizabeth sighed. “I’ll have to get Emily to hit some thrift stores with me to furnish it.”

Nikolas frowned. “Somehow I doubt that’s because Jason isn’t going to give you enough money to buy new furniture.”

“I’m kind of tired,” Elizabeth said, trying to avoid another argument. “I’m gonna go take a nap.”

When she was gone from the room, Lucky rolled his eyes. “It makes me want to lock her in a room for like a week. She’s insane. She refused to throw out that horrible couch in her studio.”

“She thinks she’s going to move it to the new place?” Nikolas asked surprised. “It was like five minutes from falling apart.”

“Yeah, I know. So I’m gonna arrange for it to have an accident,” Lucky joked. He sighed. “Anyway, I’m doing the night shift tonight so I’d better go. See ya.”

Parking Garage

“Carly, I have a meeting six–”

“If the answer was no, you would have said so,” Carly interrupted. “So that means the answer is yes.”

“It’s complicated,” Jason repeated.

“Yes, the situation is very complicated,” Carly agreed. She tucked her hair behind her ears. “You are both married–Courtney is devastated, Ric is a psycho, she’s pregnant and I bet the miscarriage is causing Dr. Meadows to put Elizabeth in the high-risk category. Plus, you’ve got Sonny, the media, the trial and not to mention. I get that this is a complicated situation. But the only thing that isn’tcomplicated is how you feel.” Carly took a step towards him. “You’ve never said it out loud, have you?”

He hesitated. “I’m married.”

“We’ve covered that.”

“Courtney and I have been together for a year–”

“You were involved with Elizabeth for three years before Sonny faked his death.” Carly crossed her arm. “Jason, stop avoiding this. There is nothing wrong with it. You won’t be admitting anything I sure as hell don’t know. Because you would have just denied it if you weren’t in love with her.”

Agitated, Jason reached for the keys but she kept them out of his grasp. “What do you want me to say? That yes, I’m in love with her? That the night we were together, it wasn’t sex?” he demanded.

“For starters, yeah. Don’t worry about saying what’s right–doing the right thing. We have all been doing that for the last year–you’ve been doing what you think is right by Courtney and I have been doing it for Sonny. Well it stops now,” Carly declared. “I am not just Sonny’s wife, I am my own person and you are not just Courtney’s boyfriend, husband, fiancé, whatever. You are more than your job and it’s time you started living that way.”

Jason sighed and leaned against the car. “How did we ever get to this place, Carly?” he asked resigned. “I mean…how was I supposed to know that agreeing to fake Sonny’s death would get me to this place?”

“We make the best decisions possible but sometimes they’re wrong. The more wrong they are, the more your life spirals out of control,” Carly sighed. She touched his arm. “Jason, it’s okay. I know that you love Courtney…”

“I do,” Jason said firmly. “I do love her but…” he shook his head. “Elizabeth’s…she’s in me. I spent so much time…thinking about her…wanting to be with her that when…that when it seemed possible I didn’t…it was yanked from me, you know? She just walked out of the penthouse that night and that was it. She wouldn’t listen to me, she wouldn’t let me explain. She just walked away.”

“She was upset,” Carly said softly. “When the whole charade was going on, she was stuck in the penthouse with only Zander for company. She tried to keep busy–kept cleaning my penthouse–making me dinner, making me brownies. She must have cleaned your place a dozen times. She was drowning over there and I didn’t do anything to fix it. I should–Sonny be damned, I should have told her what was going on.”

“I should have told her,” Jason corrected. “If you could be let in on the secret, there was no reason she couldn’t. But I didn’t. And I couldn’t lie to her face. So I just…stayed away. I thought she’d understand but I know I was asking the impossible now. And…I don’t blame her for leaving.”

“But you do blame her for never coming back,” Carly said slowly.

“Yes. If I meant to her as much as she means to me…how could she just say it was over?”

“So…Courtney was a rebound at first, huh?” Carly said.

“Maybe…I don’t know. She kissed me…two weeks after Elizabeth left and that didn’t even faze me because I couldn’t…I couldn’t concentrate on anything except how empty the penthouse was or every time I went into Kelly’s…how she wouldn’t look at me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with a rebound relationship,” she assured him. “It’s natural sometimes. It doesn’t mean you don’t love the person you were with before. But sometimes…sometimes the pain and the emptiness is too much and you want to fill it–to forget it.”

“I…I had thought about ending things with Courtney almost from the time it started,” Jason admitted. “For the first few month or so…it felt wrong. Because she wasn’t…she wasn’t Elizabeth. But things just spiraled out of control. With the trial and Ric showing up in town–” he shook his head. “After Elizabeth found out–she was so angry with both of us, I saw how much I’d hurt her and I decided…it had to be over. And Courtney asked me that night if I had been in love with Elizabeth.”

“And you told her no,” Carly said softly. “You lied.”

“No, no…I didn’t lie,” Jason protested. “She asked me if I had been in love with her–past tense. And I hadn’t been in love with her. I was–I was still in love with her.” He exhaled slowly. “It wasn’t a lie.”

“You omitted the truth,” Carly nodded. She smiled and shook her head. “You and your technicalities.”

“It doesn’t matter any more, Carly. How I feel–what I felt then–none of that matters anymore. Elizabeth moved on. She got married–she loved Ric. It’s over.”

“Seems to me that even if you kissed her first–that she kissed you back.” Carly folded her arms. “She could have said no. She didn’t. Maybe it’s time you asked her why.”

Corinthos Penthouse

Sonny came down the stairs, freshly showered and shaved. He’d spent most of the previous afternoon in a drunken stupor but he had things to do. He had to get his life back.

He’d decided that he’d buy the jury. He’d get acquitted on his mental defect defense. He’d take back the business, he’d take back his family.

It would all be okay. He could do it. He was Sonny Corinthos after all.

The red light on his answering machine was flashing. He pressed the button.

“Sonny, it’s Courtney. I…I know that you know about Jason and Elizabeth. I wanted you to know that I’m…I’m okay. I’m back in Haye’s Landing. I’ll be back for your trial, I promise. I just need this time. I’ve talked to Jason a-and I’m filing for divorce. It’s not just about this, so please don’t be mad at him. He–he was wrong but I was wrong too. I love you, Sonny. I’m so glad you’ve decided to get help. It means the world to me. Goodbye.”

Sonny’s eyes focused on a family picture taken after Carly had returned from her hellish summer of capitivity. She had been heavily pregnant but was still cuddling Michael as close as she could. Sonny had his arm slung around her shoulder and his face next to hers.

Courtney had taken the shot. He remembered that much. He’d lost his family once. Nearly for good.

He wouldn’t lose them again.

+5

November 25, 2003

An Apartment

Elizabeth folded her arms and glanced around the large space with obvious apprehension. “It’s awfully big,” she hedged.

“It’s got two bedrooms, a laundry room, two baths, a kitchen, living room and there’s a space for a dining room but with the kind of windows that’s there it might be better for a studio,” Jason told her.

Elizabeth glanced at him from the corner of her eye as she explored the cavernous space. “It must take up half the floor,” she murmured. She wandered from the living room area into the kitchen.

“It’s probably the size of my penthouse if it was on one floor,” Jason admitted. “But it’s got everything we need. It’s in a good area, it’s close to the Towers, it’s close to the docks so Emily and Nikolas can come by a lot.”

“Yes, but it’s huge,” Elizabeth called from the master bedroom. She looked longingly at the walk-in closet before crossing to the view of the harbor from the mammoth windows. “Much bigger than I need, you know? I really only need the one bedroom–”

“You need one for yourself and one for the baby,” Jason corrected her.

“Jason…I don’t think I could even afford the utilities on this place. No matter how much I work.” Elizabeth sighed and joined him back in the space he’d suggested for a studio. Her eyes drifted from the incredible light to the hardwood floors. There was tons of wall space–for shelves and other things.

And the view was incredible. The dining area was tucked into a corner of the apartment and offered a view of the harbor on one side and an excellent view of the entire city from the other.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” Jason instructed.

Elizabeth shook her head. “I have to worry about it–”

“I can afford ten places like this,” he told her. “So, it’s–” he stopped and took a deep breath. “I know what the media is saying, okay? But you and I both know it’s not true.”

“My grandmother doesn’t,” Elizabeth sighed. She crossed to the living room windows again. There were windows everywhere–all of them oversize with tons of light shining through. It was as if someone had reached into her brain and created this amazing apartment just for her.

Life was pretty fucking cruel.

He saw the emotions pass over her face and knew he was wearing her down. “You like this place, don’t you?”

“It’s great,” Elizabeth admitted. “Pretty perfect, really.”

“Come here…” he took her elbow and directed into a smaller room that she assumed would be a nursery. “You can see the elementary school from here. It’s three blocks away.”

Her hand strayed to her abdomen. In five years, her little baby would be old enough for school and this really would be the perfect area for him–or her–to live. Right near the school, close to the park…close to his father.

“What are the other places like?” Elizabeth asked turning back to him.

“Not as big, but pretty much in the same area,” Jason admitted. “This is the only one with enough space for your studio.”

“I won’t have time to think about painting,” Elizabeth sighed. “I’ll need to get two jobs just to pay everything–”

“Elizabeth…come on…” Jason sighed in frustrated. “Just…for once, don’t fight me on this.”

She hesitated and studied the apartment. “Okay,” she reluctantly agreed. “This…this is good.”

“So I can call the realtor?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth said. She sighed and rubbed her arms. “I’ll be squared away and you can concentrate on other things,” she muttered bitterly. He narrowed her eyes at her word usage but before he could question her or even argue, his cell phone rang.

“Yeah?”

“Jason, it’s me,” Carly sighed. “I wanted to know if you had a minute today. To talk…to talk about Sonny. Dara called and she wanted to meet with us about possibly testifying for him.”

Jason studied Elizabeth for a moment, noticing how she’d carefully walked away from him–putting herself out of earshot of the phone call. “When?”

“Sometime today. It’ll have to be after four for me because I’ve got Morgan at the house and Sage won’t be home from school to watch him until then. Oh, and Courtney’s coming over for lunch so we can catch up.” She hesitated. “Have you seen her since she came back from Haye’s Landing? She didn’t tell me.”

“Yeah. I talked to her yesterday.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t really want to get into it right now, okay?”

“Oh. Okay. Well…what’s your schedule like after four?”

“I’ve got a meeting at six and–hold on…” He looked at Elizabeth. “Elizabeth…did you…when is the doctor’s appointment you made for this week?”

“Tomorrow at three,” she answered a little surprised.

He hesitated because he knew he had a meeting at two-thirty and he’d never make it for both. “Yeah, I’m free between four and six today. Give me a call when Sage gets there and I’ll pick you up.”

“Okay…did you pick out something for Elizabeth?”

“Yeah, I think she’s settled on a place. I’ll see you then.” Jason slid the phone back in his pocket. “I don’t…that was Carly–something about later today. You know I wanted to go to the appointment, right?” he asked.

Wanted. Past tense. Elizabeth nodded. “Yeah…but I guess you can’t right?”

“I have a meeting at 2:30,” Jason admitted. “I can try and reschedule it–”

She shook her head. “No, no. It’s not a big deal. We’re not even doing much tomorrow. Just….a general check up and what not. She wants to do them more often than usual because of the miscarriage last spring,” Elizabeth told him.

“Is she worried about that?” Jason asked, concerned. He stepped towards her.

“Well…it’s just something to keep in mind.” She twisted her hands together. “I…I’ll check with you before I make appointments if you want–s-so we can coordinate for next time.”

“I would like that,” Jason agreed. “I don’t want to rush you or anything–”

“No, no, it’s fine. I–Lucky has the day off today and he was going to help me pack up the studio.”

Jason nodded. “Okay. Do you want me to drop you off there on my way to the warehouse?”

“Sure,” Elizabeth replied. “Um…what about the realtor and stuff?”

“I’ll take care of all of that,” Jason told her. “I–” He slid his hands in his pockets. “You’ll need furniture and stuff.”

“Is that your way of saying you’re giving me more money?” Elizabeth sighed.

“No…it’s my way of saying I want to set up a bank account for you. Put everything in your name. The apartment, the bills, anything you want. So…if anyone looks…they won’t see a kept woman.”

“But they’ll know the money’s from you.”

“For a little while, yeah,” Jason shrugged. “But–”

“I really don’t want to argue about this anymore,” Elizabeth sighed. “I appreciate it–the gesture I mean. And…it’s what I want. If I’m going to be taking money from you, I’d at least like the illusion of independence so I don’t have to ask you for the money for the bills or whatever.”

She started for the door. “I should get to the studio anyway. Lucky will be waiting.”

He sighed and followed after her.

Carly’s House

“So…” Carly shifted and pushed her sandwich plate away. “It’s been a while since we could sit down and talk.”

“Yeah.” Courtney sighed and leaned back in her chair. “I was going to go back to Haye’s Landing yesterday but I’ll drive back this afternoon. I really wanted to see you.”

“You really like it there, don’t you?”

“I do. The house is gorgeous,” Courtney told her. “And it’s a small town–everyone knows everyone. Brian took me to this diner on Saturday night and everyone knew my name and said hello and it just…it’s like the town I dreamed of living in.”

“Brian…” Carly hesitated. “You’ve mentioned him a lot. Before you came home and since you’ve been here today.”

“He’s a good friend,” Courtney said. “Brian…he’s…” she stopped, searching for the right words. “When he talks to me…he doesn’t judge but I feel like…like I can tell him anything. He’s blunt but not cruel and he’s just…he’s a good guy.”

Carly sipped her water. “How do you feel about him?” she asked carefully.

“I feel…” Courtney frowned. “I…he’s good to me,” she said softly. “In a way that no one else ever has been. He listens when I talk, he gives advice but mostly–mostly he just listens. If I–I think if things were different…if I were in a different place in my life I could see myself–” She shook her head. “Okay, I’m not doing this right–”

“There’s nothing you need to do right here, you just… talk and I listen.” Carly crossed her arms and leaned forward. “If anyone knows what you’re going through, it’s me. I love Sonny, I do. But I can’t deny what I feel for Lorenzo.”

“But it’s different for you,” Courtney argued. “You were in a coma, you had these dreams. I went away to little town and met someone. I mean–Brian hasn’t made any moves and I wouldn’t do anything while I’m with Jason but I care about him.” Her face flushed. “I’m attracted to him.”

“There is no law that says you can’t be attracted to other people,” Carly told her. “Attraction and love are different things.”

“But once you’re married, it should stop at attraction,” Courtney said firmly. “You are supposed to be married to this person, you are supposed to love them until you die, you–”

“Not if getting married was a bad decision. Not if you aren’t happy,” Carly interrupted. “And you weren’t happy. You’re not happy.”

“I think I have a right to be unhappy. He slept with Elizabeth and she’s pregnant.” Courtney hesitated. “Pregnant,” she repeated in a small voice. “With a child I can’t give him. And if him knocking up some other woman wasn’t bad enough…it’s Elizabeth.”

“They’re over,” Carly said firmly.

“Carly…” Courtney shook her head. “I believed that once. When she found out we were together, Elizabeth was so hurt. She felt so betrayed and she was right to. I was her friend. I had been her friend throughout the whole break up and she’d confided in me and I had tried to talk her into forgiving him. But I slept with him. First as a way to get past the pain of AJ and then I fell in love with him.”

“Courtney–”

“And I asked Jason after the whole confrontation–if he had ever been in love with her and he said no. I believed him. Until Ric told me that she was pregnant and it was Jason’s child.”

“That doesn’t mean he’s love with her–then or now,” Carly argued.

“People who are over each other don’t tend to sleep together a month before one gets married,” Courtney said, coolly. “He feels something for her. I don’t doubt he loves me but I do doubt that he’s not in love with her, too.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to argue with you, Carly. I said the same thing to him yesterday. I told him that I thought he was in love with her and he didn’t deny it.”

“He made a mistake,” Carly pressed.

“He slept with a woman that I have been trying to forget ever existed in his life,” Courtney corrected. “If Sonny had slept with Brenda–if he’d gotten her pregnant, how would you feel?”

“I would feel betrayed. I would be angry and upset but–”

“I can’t be in this marriage. Not just because of Elizabeth and the baby although that’s the big reason. Every time I see him with that baby, it’s just going to remind me that I can’t have a child. When I see him with her, I’m going to wonder–is he with me out of guilt? Does he really want a life with her–a life with his other family?” She shook her head. “I will drive myself crazy wondering and eventually I will hate myself for staying.”

“And what are the other reasons?” Carly asked softly.

“Love can’t be enough. It’s a starting point, it’s a foundation but it can’t be all you have,” Courtney said. “He lives a life that I do not understand but I tried. I tried for a long time to prove to everyone that I could do it–to prove it to myself. But I can’t, Carly. I don’t want this life forever. I don’t want to look over my shoulder–I don’t want to have to tell eight different people that I’m leaving my own home. I don’t want to have to wonder when my husband leaves at night–if that’s the last time I’ll ever see him. I don’t want that life, Carly.”

She took a deep breath. “I tried…I thought I could. I mean…I had an idea of what my life would be like when I was growing up. I would get married, I would have a family. I would be happy. I had this very clear picture and my life with Jason didn’t fit that. But I just figured…life shows you surprises–it’s unexpected and you have to just go with the flow. Everyone has dreams–they don’t have to come true. But that life I always pictured–it’s not just a dream, Carly. It’s the life that I want. And it’s a life I have a right to.” She twisted the wedding ring on her finger. “It’s a life that I’m going to lead. I don’t know how I’m going to afford it, but I’m going to move to Haye’s Landing permanently. I’ll get a job somewhere. I like it there. I like the people, the atmosphere–”

“Brian,” Carly added softly.

“Yes, Brian is there. And yes, maybe…when I’m in a better place–when I feel like it’s time…I’d like to see what could happen there. If maybe Brian is the man that I’ve been looking for. But that’s far off in the future. I love Jason, Carly. I love him so much–but it is not enough. Not for me. And it’s not fair to him for his wife to resent everything he stands for–for the very life he leads. He needs someone to love him, Carly. To look after him. And I want him to be happy, but I’m not that person and I can’t stay with him knowing that.”

“I’m not going to argue with you,” Carly told her. “You have the right to decide what you want. And I’ll be honest with you. I think you’re right. I think that while you are a good person Courtney–because you are–you’re not the right person for Jason. I wish that I had opened my eyes to this last year–maybe we could have talked about it. I wish that we all could have seen it for what it was in the beginning…” Carly hesitated. “I wanted someone in my life. I wanted a friend who wasn’t Sonny or Jason and I think that’s why I pushed for you and him. Because I was scared that if it ended, that I would lose you.”

“You will never lose me,” Courtney told her earnestly. She covered Carly’s hand with her own. “You are more than my brother’s wife, Carly. You are my best friend, my sister and I’m here for you. No matter what.”

“Even if I decide to file for divorce from Sonny?” Carly asked.

“Is that what you’ve decided?” Courtney asked, surprised.

Carly sighed. “Sometimes I think so. Sometimes I’m so sure that it’s over that I pick up the phone to call Dara and ask her to file but other times…I know that I care about Lorenzo and he knows that I care about him and I’m sure he’s expecting–or hoping at the very least–that we can go some where. But I don’t know, Courtney. I truly don’t.”

“Are you still seeing Cameron?” Courtney asked.

“Yeah, I saw him on Monday to talk about my feelings for Sonny and I have another appointment for Thursday. I wish I had a clear view in my mind because I’m making these decisions based on not knowing–” She took a deep breath. “I told you that Lorenzo’s niece is staying with me this week and I’ve made promises to her. Promises that she needed someone to make and I don’t want to break them but what if I decide that I want to make my marriage work?” Carly asked. “What happens to her then?”

“You can’t know that until it happens,” Courtney replied. “But I don’t really understand this relationship–this connection between you and Alcazar–”

“I thought the feelings were from the dreams–that once I remembered my love for Sonny, that they would go away. But they didn’t. They are very real, Courtney. And I think…I think I developed during this time since my coma. Because he has been here every step of the way with me. Supporting me, taking care of me, listening to me…just…being there. And I should…I should have seen it would be a vulnerable time for me. That I would be more open to falling in love with him because I didn’t have that love for Sonny holding me back.”

“Do you think that he took advantage of that–”

“No,” Carly denied. “No, he wants a new start just as much as I do. He wants to make amends for what he’s done. For helping Ric keep me hostage, for setting Marcella on Sonny–he regrets the methods he chose to get to me and I can’t…I can’t hold them against him because of the things I’ve done to get what I want. I’ve done some things that would make anyone think twice about being in love with me.” Carly laughed. She pressed a hand to her forehead. “I just…everything is still flying around inside my head. Once I started getting my emotions back, they’ve been flooding through me and nothing is the same anymore. I don’t know how to feel.”

“I think that you should stop thinking and start feeling,” Courtney suggested. “Stop thinking that you shouldn’t be doing this or you should be doing this and just…feel. When you’re with Lorenzo, does it feel right? I don’t care if it is right–does it feel right?”

“Yes,” Carly admitted. “He treats me in a way that no man has ever treated me. Sonny…he was good to me. But he couldn’t tolerate parts of me. The schemer in me– the manipulator in me…he didn’t like those things so I put them away. I shut them out of myself. Sonny always treated me like maybe I was up to something–and Jason, god though I love him–treats me like I am up to something. But to be fair, I usually am. But all he wants to do is fix what I’ve done wrong. Jason never wanted to fix me. Sonny never wanted me to do anything wrong.”

“And Lorenzo?” Courtney asked, forcing herself to use the mobster’s first name.

“He trusts me. In a way that no one in my entire life ever has. And I like it. I like that he trusts me, that he believes in me. If he were to give me start up money for a club, he would do it because he believed I could make it a success-that he’d be getting his money back ten fold. He wouldn’t treat it like a distraction for me…like it’s a hobby.”

“Are you listening to yourself?” Courtney asked, amused. “You’re not falling for Lorenzo Alcazar…you’ve already done it. Carly, I don’t care what you say. You’re in love with him.”

Before Carly would even come up with a response, there was a knock on the front door and she hurried to answer it.

“Lorenzo,” she said softly. “You…you’re back early.”

“I decided I didn’t want to be away from Port Charles any longer than I absolutely had to,” Lorenzo told her. He frowned. “You’re not glad to see me?”

“I am,” Carly assured him. Just a little thrown, she thought. She wasn’t ready to be this close to him–to be in contact with him so soon after she’d realized her feelings. She threw her arms around his neck. “I’m glad you’re home.”

He grinned and kissed her cheek. “I’m glad, too.”

Courtney folded her arms and stood up, feeling both uncomfortable and happy at the same time. Uncomfortable because she would never get along with Lorenzo Alcazar and happy–

Because it looked like Carly had finally found her home. Her place in life.

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