April 19, 2014

So this is something I’ve been considering off and on about my completed stories, and even the planned ones. Every once in a while, I get an idea that isn’t really a short story, but it won’t be a full-length one with lots of chapters. I generally write long short stories, between 10-21,000 words if I’m not writing 1500 or massive 100,000 word stories.

But sometimes, I think readers click on a story with a summary that they’re looking forward to, only to learn it’s a short story of no more than 20,000 words. For example, First Do No Harm is 12, 258 words long, and those of you who’ve read it, know it’s because it’s about a specific plot that is resolved, but the relationships aren’t.

So my question is: Would you prefer if I came up with a way to organize my stories so that you know going in how long they are? For example, if I labeled stories like A Few Words Too Many (currently clocking in at 101, 224 words) as a novel, stories like Shadows at 20, 921 words as novellas and First Do No Harm and If I Don’t Try With You as novelettes, while keeping anything under 5,000 word count in the short stories section.

Click yes if this something you’d like. and click no if you don’t want it, but also if you don’t care. It wouldn’t take a lot of work, but if it’s honestly something that only concerns me, I’m not really going to worry about it 😛

[socialpoll id=”2197542″]

April 18, 2014

I may bump up how much I post A Few Words Too Many. I’m halfway through writing Chapter 21, and Chapters 22 and 23 are mostly action, so that always goes a lot faster than conversational, heavy chapters, and I’ve had the ending in my head since I started the story. So as long as I get Chapter 21 done tonight, I can knock out 22/23 at once and that just leaves 24. All of which should be done early next week. So, rather than twice a week, I may move it up once every other day (possibly one a day, depending on my how my life goes).

I’m also going to change the way I had intended to write Daughters. I sat down, intending to write the last three chapters of the story based on an outline I wrote in 2008, and I just…realized how much of it was unnecessary. It needs at most two chapters, but I can probably wrap it up in one. With both those stories finished being written, I can turn my attention full-time to Tangle, These Small Hours and Damaged. Damaged is an ongoing concern that gets updated when episodes are ready. I had hoped to have Tangle before These Small Hours, but honestly TSH is shorter and already has a bunch written, so that may be next.

If I make more updates later, they may be cosmetic in nature. As you can see, I shifted around the content in the sidebars to add a Spotify Playlist widget. This playlist is what I generally listen to while writing, and it’s constantly being updated. There’s like 150 songs at the moment. You do need Spotify installed to enjoy it, but I recommend even the free version, because life is awesome.

Later Cosmetic Updates: I shifted the stories included in the Fiction Graveyard back to their original categories, and decided instead on that page, post the stories that I’ve abandoned, including a poll deciding which story you might want to see back. The stories themselves aren’t posted yet, but rather just summaries.

Additions

– Chapter 11 of A Few Words Too Many

– Chapter 12 of Daughters

This entry is part 11 of 24 in the A Few Words Too Many

And how can I stand here with you,
And not be moved by you?
Would you tell me
How could it be
Any better than this?
– Everything, Lifehouse

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Harborview Towers: Penthouse Level

Hands in the pockets of his slacks, Sonny ambled around the corner of elevator to step in front of Jason’s penthouse. In front of him Cody stood like a sentinel, his hands at his side, looking straight ahead.

“Hey, Cody. Jason home?” Sonny asked. “I need to talk to him.” He was surprised when the normally stone-faced man opened his mouth, and then closed it. And…were the tips of his ears…turning red? “Cody?”

“Ah, Boss…” Cody hesitated. “Well, he and Miss Webber are home, but I, um…wouldn’t knock if I were you.” He coughed into his fist. “Sir.”

Sonny furrowed his brow. “Jason said no interruptions?”

“Ah…not exactly.” And now the guard’s cheeks were turning red. “They…were…arguing earlier…and…” The man actually looked up at the ceiling, as if to look to a higher power for answers. “Well, they stopped.”

“Okay…” Sonny drawled. “Then…I can…” He paused when Cody just shook his head. “C’mon, man…just say it.”

“Well…they stopped…arguing the way that you, and ah…the way you and Mrs. C do…sometimes,” Cody finished, refusing to meet Sonny’s eyes.

And then Sonny grinned. Because he knew exactly how he and Carly ended some of their arguments. “We should soundproof these doors, is that what you’re telling me?”

“It…wouldn’t hurt,” Cody admitted. “So…I don’t know…what you’d be…” He tugged on his year and looked like a man who desperately wished he were anywhere else. “I don’t know what you’d be interrupting. So to speak. Sir.”

“Fair point.” Sonny dipped his chin to his chest. “And whatever I have to say can hold for a bit. Don’t want them to…have setbacks in their…” He twirled his finger in the air. “Whatever.”

“Yes, sir. That is…yes.” Cody’s shoulders slumped. “And if you could never tell Jason or Miss Webber we had this conversation, it would be most appreciated.”

“Your secret is safe with me,” Sonny called over his shoulder as he headed back to his penthouse.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

There was something to be said for silence. They hadn’t really spoken since she threatened to leave, and he’d kissed her. Jason had lifted her onto the edge of the pool table, and without removing much of their clothing, they’d had the kind of sex she’d only read about. Hard, fast…and god damn fantastic.

And then, he looked at her, with those beautiful eyes filled with mixture of tenderness and fear, as if she’d reject him now, and she’d kissed him again. He picked her up and then they’d moved to the sofa, and this time…Elizabeth was sure she’d remember this as the first time they’d made love. Slow, delicious, and almost lazy. Reverent. The kind of lovemaking that spread warmth and tingles down one’s spine and lingered in the fingers, the legs, and even the toes until long after it was over.

And now, lying here, her caftan blanket hastily thrown over them, they still lay in silence. She was draped over his chest, his fingers trailing up and down her back.

She just wanted to close her eyes and lay here forever.

But she knew that wasn’t realistic and she’d promised herself only that morning that she couldn’t live in a fantasy anymore.

Tracing a pattern on Jason’s chest, she finally spoke. “This…it doesn’t…fix anything.”

His fingers stilled, and then slid up to smooth her hair away her face. “I…I know.”

“But I also…” Elizabeth hesitated, wondering why she always had to be the brave one when it came to words. “I don’t regret it.”

“Me either.” Some of the tension she hadn’t even felt relaxed from his body. “I don’t…I don’t want you to leave.” She felt his chin dip, brush her hair as his lips found the top of her head. “I just…don’t know how to make you stay.”

Well, at least that was something. “Just…knowing you want me here…” She slid her hand up his chest until she was cradling his cheek, then raised her head to kiss him briefly. “That makes me want to stay. I didn’t…I felt like…not really an obligation, but maybe a burden…”

His hand cupped the back of her head, their eyes met. “The last thing I feel when I look at you is burdened or obligated. I just…want you safe. I want you happy.”

“And being right here…” Elizabeth closed her eyes and leaned until their foreheads touch. “I feel both. You always wanted to push me away, when I always knew…that being with you was the safest thing. For my heart,” she added when he saw his mouth tighten. “If we trust each other, Jason….that can be true for both us of us.” She curved her lips into a half-smile. “Do you…think we can try that…again?”

Remembering the question, his eyes were soft as he answered. “Yeah…we can try.” He covered her mouth with his own, deepening it as she pressed herself closer.

A familiar buzzing sound from behind the couch had Elizabeth drawing back, and sitting up. Jason sighed and followed suit. “Elizabeth…” He didn’t get up to find his jeans or answer the phone, and she knew why. She’d accused him of answering that phone and abandoning her for whoever was on the other line last summer.

“It could be Sonny,” Elizabeth said. “I never cared that you answered your phone, Jason. Everyone does that.”

Still looking uncertain, Jason stood and rounded the sofa to drag on his briefs before reaching for his jeans and the phone in the back pocket. She peered at him over the back of the sofa, thinking it was almost adorable he didn’t want to be completely nude while speaking on the phone.

“Hey…Yeah?” She his eyes close and his face tense. “It can’t…no, okay. Yeah. Give me a few minutes. I’ll be over.” Jason sighed, closing his phone and setting it on the edge of the table. “I…have to go over to Sonny’s. I’m…” He just shook his head.

“Jason.” He didn’t answer right away, just pulled his jeans on and zipped up. “Jason, I’m not…angry you have to go to Sonny’s.” He looked at her, and she could see he wasn’t buying that. “I heard you ask him if it could wait. And if can’t, it can’t. That’s life. Just as long…” She bit her lip and tilted her head. “If you have to go out and you don’t know when you’ll be back, or even if you do, if you could…just let me know you’re going.”

“Yeah…” Jason exhaled slowly. He dragged his shirt over his head, and then sat on the sofa to put his socks and boots back on. “Yeah, I can do that.” He looked at her, and Elizabeth saw the regret in his eyes, so she held her breath until he spoke. “This isn’t…the way I would have planned for us to be together, Elizabeth…” Using one hand, he slid his hand through her hair and she closed her eyes, leaning into his touch. “But I’m not sorry,” he finished, his voice almost gravelly.

She grinned and opened her eyes. “Good. Then hurry up so you can come back.” She kissed him again, and then watched him open the door and close it before Cody could see her curled up on the sofa, wearing nothing but a blanket.

Elizabeth leaned her head, and had the insane urge to laugh. She had never seen this coming.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny looked when Jason entered, regret in his eyes. “Sorry man, I know you and Elizabeth were in the middle of…something, but…”

Jason hesitated and just blinked at his friend. Was he wearing a sign or something that broadcasted what he’d just been doing for the last hour? He cleared his throat. “It’s fine. What’s up?”

“Benny just called from the warehouse.” Sonny poured a tumbler of whiskey. “They opened the shipment from last night and…” He shook his head. “It was empty.”

Jason tensed, the last vestiges of his good mood evaporated. “Empty—it was fine last night. I checked it myself.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know that. It means we got someone in our own organization screwing with us.” Jason watched as Sonny tried to calmly sip the whiskey, but his hands were trembling…just a little. “We got a traitor.”

The last thing they needed. Jason exhaled slowly. “Do we know who was in and out of the warehouse between its arrival and finding it empty this afternoon?”

Sonny nodded and set the glass down. “Not yet. Benny and Stan are working on it. They think it’ll take a day or so to put it together. Jason, you know better than me, we don’t time for this shit.” He took a deep breath. “The Families might think our resources are stretched thin looking for Ric and Faith. One of them might think it’s a good time to screw with us.”

“Can’t overlook that.” Jason hesitated. “We…are investing a lot of our manpower in the search.” With great difficulty, he continued, “Do you think we should pull back?”

“I…” Sonny looked at the ceiling. “I want to say no. Because the quicker Ric Lansing gets out of our lives, the better off we’ll all be, but the point of involving the Families was to avoid this kind of nonsense. So that we wouldn’t have to put all our energy into Ric. The burden would be shared.”

“Sonny, we can’t protect Elizabeth if we’re fighting a war on another front without resources,” Jason pointed out. “At the end of the day, if Ric is going to come for Elizabeth and the baby, he’ll have to come near Port Charles to do that. We haven’t found any evidence that he’s in the area, not since the kidnapping attempt.”

“Yeah…” Sonny huffed. “And I can’t even say who’d be after us, because it could be any of those bastards. I want to go after Zacchara because of the connection between his lawyer and our scumbag, but how do I know Tagliatti didn’t set it up to make it look that way? I don’t…think it’s Ruiz or Vega because of the distance involved. They’re more likely to team up with Tagliatti or Zacchara rather than come for us directly.” He pressed his hand to his chest. “Jase, I got no easy answers here. I want Elizabeth to be safe, I want her pregnancy to go smoothly, but—”

“I know.” Jason rested his hands at his waist and looked at the floor. There was only one choice. They couldn’t divide their focus between searching for Ric and fighting a territorial dispute. “You have to pull back some of the men looking for Ric and Faith. We have Elizabeth as protected as she can be, and maybe…” He hesitated. “Maybe if Ric thinks he can get back here without tripping us up, he’ll get cocky. He’ll think he can get to her. And he’ll make a mistake then.” But everything in him fought against using Elizabeth as a lure, using her child as bait. He’d promised to protect her, and had made even deeper promises to her not more than twenty minutes ago.

“I get the problem.” Sonny rubbed his chin. “I just…I don’t know what else to do. If this escalates into an outright war, everyone is in danger. With Carly and Elizabeth pregnant at the same time, I just can’t…I can’t risk it. Their immediate safety has to come first. We have to work with what we know. And we know that someone is coming for us, whether it’s one of the Families or someone else. We don’t know why Faith Roscoe sent the soldiers after Elizabeth. We can assume it was on Ric’s behalf, but you know…maybe Ric is obsessing about the situation, and Faith wanted to eliminate her like she threatened to on those docks. Maybe Faith is the threat, and Ric’s planning another move on us.”

“If this is Ric coming for us from another angle, then we’d find him either way.” Jason nodded. “It’s possible. Let’s…let’s cut the men outside Port Charles looking for Ric in half. Just to start. If we have more problems, we can reduce it further. I don’t…want to give up the search just yet.”

“Jason, I wouldn’t ask you do to this if we had any other choice,” Sonny told him even as he headed for the phone to make the call to Johnny.

“I know that. But you’re right. We can’t ignore an actual threat because we’re not sure Ric hasn’t given up. Elizabeth’s safety is my top priority,” Jason said. “Regardless of the source of the threat.” He took a deep breath. “I should go to the warehouse, help Benny and Stan. The quicker we find out what’s going on, the better off we’ll all be.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Several hours after Jason had regretfully told her he had to go to the warehouse, Marco knocked and pushed open the door. “Miss Crowell is here, Elizabeth.”

From her vantage point at by the pool table, Elizabeth waved Nadine and her bags from Eli’s in. “Thanks, Marco. Hey, Nadine.”

“Hey!” Nadine smiled brightly and followed Elizabeth into the kitchen where a folding table was set up. “No dining table?”

“We usually eat takeout on the sofa,” Elizabeth replied. “Thanks for understanding I couldn’t go out tonight. Jason….he’s just asked that I stay in at night for a while.” She reached into a cabinet and drew out paper plates.

“Not a problem. Besides, we can talk more in private.” Nadine arched an eyebrow. “For example, Miss Webber, that is mighty fine hickey on your collarbone.”

Elizabeth flushed and pressed a hand to the area. “I…I didn’t notice or I would have changed.” She set down some bottles of water and took a seat. “Um…so I guess you know how I spent the day.”

“Do I!” Nadine dug into her ribs and gestured for her to continue. “He’s gorgeous, by the way. You see his picture in the paper sometimes, but I don’t think I’d ever met him in person.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “I can understand why you threw over the Harvard lawyer.”

Elizabeth laughed and opened her own Styrofoam container. “Well, hands off. I’ve had enough of blondes going after my boyfriends.” When her friend widened her eyes, Elizabeth shrugged. “My ex-boyfriend Lucky liked my blonde sister first, and then long after we had broken up, he ended up dating her for a while. And then Jason’s best friend is blonde. She was always calling and nagging him to leave me. And of course, you know about Courtney. And then Ric…” she hesitated. “Well, I would say one of the reasons we didn’t work out is he was sleeping with a blonde on the side.”

“Ugh. Skanks.” Nadine twisted off the cap of her water. “So I guess Kelly was right. Finding out the gender does it every time.”

“No…” Elizabeth leaned back in her chair. “No, it wasn’t that. We still…we still have to work out a lot of things, the baby being one of them.” She hesitated. “There’s…the situation is really more complicated than I can explain, Nadine. It’s not because I don’t trust you—”

“It’s because we’ve known each other five seconds,” Nadine said. “I get it, Elizabeth. And sometimes I see you pause, searching for a lie. I’d rather you just gloss over the details you can’t share. Don’t feel bad.”

“Well…” Elizabeth licked some of the barbecue sauce off her finger. “Let’s just say…Jason stepping up to be involved with the baby was not something I expected, mostly because of how we broke up and that he was dating his best friend’s sister. We’ve talked a lot about why we stopped seeing one another, but we haven’t…we’re not really talking about the future beyond…the immediate.”

“Still doing the one day at a time shtick guys cling to?” Nadine grimaced. “I get it. Johnny always said maybe someday we’d move in together, but any time you tried to put a date on that someday, he’d get this look and…” She shook her head. “I don’t know, maybe for them it’s just too scary to think about something that far in the future, about making a commitment. Me? It’s scarier not to make it. Because today could be amazing, and so could tomorrow. But I want…some assurance, I guess, that next week, next month, next year…that it’s going to be just as amazing.”

“Yeah…” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “Yeah, I know. And if you can’t talk about anything beyond tomorrow, then how do you know they see it as a possibility? What if they don’t see a place for you next month?” She bit her lip. “Well, I tried to bring it up today. I asked him about the future, about how we were going to handle it, and it turned into an argument about our past. I think…Jason has this idea…that I won’t stay forever.”

She looked at Nadine. “And I can’t… I can’t blame him for not trusting me. With the exception of the first time we were friends, before he left town a few years ago, I’ve always walked away from him. Last fall, I walked out and then refused to talk to him. I was just so angry and hurt…but he didn’t come after me. So he’s accusing me of never staying, and I told him that…”

She hesitated. “I told him that I felt like he pushed me out the door last time, and that he was doing it again. Every time he looked uncomfortable talking about the baby or we talked about the future. So I told him that he’s never given me a reason to stay, so the next time I walk away, I won’t come back.”

“And…this turned into a day of sex?” Nadine frowned. Her eyes widened. “Oh, oh. I get it. You told him that and then he kissed you to stop you from leaving!”

“Yeah…” And Elizabeth dipped her head down, unable to stop herself from smiling. “The first time…it was on the pool table.”

“Well, hello…” Nadine craned her head to look out the door way. “That’s reason enough to keep it around.” She turned back. “So…?”

“And after we…on the sofa…he told me he didn’t want me to go, he just didn’t know to make me stay.”

“That is…” Nadine shook her head. “I am so freaking jealous. First, this gorgeous man sexes you up on a pool table like a scene right out of a hot romance novel, and then he lays a line like that on you, except I’ve seen him—he does not look like the type to drop a line, so he means it.” She scowled. “I hate you so much right now.”

“I guess…I’m just nervous,” Elizabeth admitted. “Because I don’t…there’s so much still up in the air. We’re still not talking about the baby. There’s still a ton of tension with his family because of the baby, particularly his sister who used to be my best friend, and his job…” She shrugged. “It’s not like it ever leaves us in peace. Before we could really…resolve anything….he had to go down to the warehouse.”

“Well…my aunt Rayleen used to say that when you’re too scared to do something, you should go out on a limb, because that’s where the fruit is,” Nadine said. “You’re already better off then you were when we met, right?”

“We are,” Elizabeth said, with a smile. “So nothing worth having is easy to get, huh?”

“That’s what I’m told.” Nadine picked up a rib and gestured to her with it. “Don’t get in your own way, Liz. It’s usually the best way to make yourself miserable.”

“Hm…” Elizabeth leaned forward. “Nadine, have you thought about calling Johnny?”

“Pfft…” Nadine shook her head. “Absolutely not. Would you believe he sent those CDs anyway? How’d he get my address, I’d like to know? And now I’m mad because I forgot I left some of them with him, and turns out I really missed one or two of them and I’m glad he didn’t throw them out. Which just makes me angrier, because he’s a turd.” After she swallowed a bite, she continued. “Our situation is completely different, Liz.”

“What makes it so different? We both walked away from men who were hurting us.”

“True.” Nadine sighed, wistfully, and propped her chin on her fist. “But my guy didn’t have crazy sex with me on a pool table to keep me from leaving.”

“Well, there is that.”

Morgan Penthouse: Jason’s Bedroom

It was nearly midnight when Jason finally climbed the stairs to the second floor. It had been a long day, beginning with the morning appointment at the hospital and then the fight with Elizabeth…and then everything else that came afterward. He hated fighting with her, hated making her cry, but if it meant they could…get back to where they’d been last year before everything fell apart, maybe it was worth it.

But before they could really fix anything, his damn phone had rung, nearly screwing it up. But she hadn’t looked angry, and he didn’t think Elizabeth would lie about that when they were trying so hard to be painfully honest.

The evening at the warehouse had been a bust, and he would have rather been here, watching Elizabeth sketch or just sitting in the living room, watching ridiculous television. Except maybe they would have gone back to the conversation they’d been having before they’d been sidetracked…and Jason did not want to talk about her pregnancy or the daughter she was going to have. The daughter he knew would never really be his, no matter how much he wanted her to be. Elizabeth said she wanted to stay, but what did that really mean?

He stopped in front of the guest room where Elizabeth had slept since moving in, the same one she had slept in last fall. He raised his hand as if to knock, but then let it fall to his side. Maybe tomorrow…

Jason pushed open his door, and stopped short. In his bed, her dark hair spread across the white pillow, and in the shirt he’d given her the first night…Elizabeth lay curled up, under a thin sheet.

Slowly, not wanting to wake her, he stripped down to his briefs and hesitantly slid the sheet back to slide underneath, but she was a lighter sleeper than he remembered, because her eyes slid open, shadowed in the darkness of the room. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied softly.

“Hope you don’t mind I’m here,” Elizabeth said, her voice hesitant and quiet. “I just…”

He reached out and drew her closer, until she was tucked into his side. “I was hoping you would be.”

This entry is part 12 of 19 in the Daughters

Here I stand
Consumed with my surroundings
Just another day
Of everybody looking
I swore they’d never see me cry
You’ll never see me cry

– Everybody Knows, Dixie Chicks

December 29, 2005

Quartermaine Mansion: Parlor

Emily stopped in the doorway of the room, hesitating. The conversation she was going to have with her grandfather was one of the most important in her life and she hoped she was going to walk away with an outcome she could live with.

She hadn’t spoken to Nikolas since her exit at the Grille two days before. He hadn’t called and she’d gone out of her way to avoid him. She knew he was coming very close to issuing her an ultimatum and for the first time since he’d asked her to marry him, Emily knew she might actually have to choose.

“Grandfather?”

“Oh, hello, dear,” Edward said absently, glancing at her from the table near the terrace windows. He turned a page in the newspaper. “Have you seen this editorial about the upcoming election for school board? Bunch of pansies.”

Emily smiled faintly and sat at one of the adjacent chairs. “Can we talk? I mean…really talk?”

Edward peered over his newspaper and studied her face for a long moment. “Is something wrong?”

“I don’t know.” Emily shrugged. “Maybe.”

He folded his newspaper and set it aside. “All right, my dear. What’s on your mind?”

Emily folded her hands on the table and took a deep breath. “I have been very patient with you about Nikolas and our engagement because I can sympathize with where you’re coming from.”

“If this is going to be about that reprobate—” Edward shoved his chair away from the table and started out of the room.

“Grandfather, please!” Emily stood. “When have I ever asked for anything?”

He stopped and turned back to her. “Haven’t I made my feelings about this subject very clear?”

“Yes,” Emily nodded. “You have. But you haven’t given me the same courtesy and I’m just asking you to listen to me.”

“Then talk,” he said shortly.

“I can understand how you feel about the Cassadines,” Emily said. “It’s so much easier for me to understand why you feel the way you do because this feud started with your brother. You have very real personal feelings about it and I—”

“I don’t want to talk about any of that.” Edward sliced his hand through the air. “It’s done, Emily. You know how I feel. You know the history. If you need anything else from me, well I can’t imagine what it is.”

“Grandfather…” Emily took a deep breath. “I know this isn’t an easy subject for you—”

“No, young lady, you do not know.” He took a step towards her and jabbed a finger in her direction. “I had to watch my brother spiral out of control over that woman and I had to be the one to find him, dead by his own hand. She broke his heart and did what her family wanted. It’s the Cassadines’ fault and that’s the end of it.”

“But why does that have to mean Nikolas is cut from the same cloth?” Emily pressed.

“Because he will do the same to you that Sofia Cassadine did to Thomas and I refuse to stand by and watch. Not again.” He nodded brusquely. “It’s already started. He’s come between you and your family, he’s pressed you to ignore your obligations to us and if he hasn’t issued any ultimatums, then it won’t be long before he does.”

“So if I marry Nikolas, I’m no longer welcome in this house,” Emily stated softly.

Edward closed his mouth abruptly. He looked away for a moment before meeting her gaze again. “If that’s how you want to put it, then yes.”

“Okay.” Emily swallowed hard. “I just…I wanted to make it clear to myself. Thank you.” She wrapped her arms around herself.

Edward looked at her as though he wanted to say something else but instead, he just left the room.

General Hospital: Locker Room

Elizabeth sighed and neatly folded her scrubs uniform to place it in her bag to take home for washing. She had worked a very long shift and wasn’t entirely looking forward to going home and dealing with her wayward cousin. She hadn’t seen much of her brother since the sojourn to Jake’s and she was worried enough for him.

Not to mention the fact that she hadn’t seen Jason since the day after Christmas. He’d warned her there would be no contact but after two years of seeing or talking to him every day, it was an adjustment not to have him to lean on.

One of the student nurses plopped onto the bench next to her and started to untie her sneakers. “Ellie, you’re going to the party at the hotel for New Year’s, right?” Nadine Crowell inquired.

“Every year,” Elizabeth replied. She closed her locker and looped her coat over her arm. “Why?”

“Well, this is the first time I’m going and I was wondering how dressy it is. I mean, I know it’s dressy but there’s like a code of dress – is it really conservative?”

“It runs to the conservative. The pillars of the community don’t like anything cut too low or too high and nothing really flashy.” Elizabeth hesitated and studied the younger woman with a little curiosity. “I don’t mean to pry, but ah, how is it that you’re going to the party?”

“You mean how am I affording the ticket?” Nadine said wryly. She tugged on her jeans. “Patrick asked me to be his date.”

“Oh, good Lord,” Elizabeth muttered and banged her head against the locker. “My brother is an idiot.”

“I’ll try not to take that as an insult,” Nadine said good-naturedly. “Look, Ellie, there’s not a person on staff here that thinks Patrick is a good bet relationship wise and I’m not interested in that anyway. Some of the board members from the hospital will be there and I just want a chance to schmooze. Robin has nothing to worry about from me—”

“No, I’m sorry. It’s not…it’s not like that. He’s trying to make her jealous for all the wrong reasons and he’s going to make everything worse in the long run.”

“Well…” Nadine shrugged. “Then I guess it’ll be an interesting party.” She grabbed her coat and purse. “Thanks for the advice, Ellie.”

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Robin stepped behind the counter and handed a chart to Epiphany. “Mrs. Kyle is ready for discharge in Room 220.” She paused for a moment when she saw Patrick at the other side the station.

She stepped towards him, putting her hands in her pockets. “Hey, do you have a minute?”

He glanced at her and then looked back at his charts. “No.”

A bit stung, Robin bit her lip but decided to forge ahead. Her mother was flying in that night and she didn’t want Patrick to be the last to know. “Patrick—”

“Robin, I’m a little busy right now,” Patrick said, “I don’t have time to talk to you about anything. We agreed three years ago to go our separate ways. You’ve clearly done that, now it’s my turn.”

“Fine,” she said shortly. She stripped off her lab coat and turned to Epiphany. “I’m done for the day, I’m on my way to the airport and I’m not on call for the night but if any of my patients need me…”

“I’ll take care of it, Dr. Scorpio,” Epiphany said.

Robin stepped out of the station and started for the elevators.

“Say hi to your boyfriend for me,” Patrick muttered, but didn’t bother to keep his voice low.

Robin stopped in her tracks and closed her eyes. It was clear Patrick assumed she was going to the airport to pick up Stone. She wasn’t angry at him, but angry at herself for making this situation into the mess it was now.

If she had been honest with everyone from the beginning, even if she had come clean the second she’d stepped off the plane, none of this would be happening now.

She regained her composure and went to the elevators.

Elm Street Pier

“Penny for your thoughts.”

Elizabeth glanced up as Lucky settled himself on the bench next to her. “Hey. What brings you out here?”

“Just wandering. Saw my best girl sitting by herself here.” He shrugged. “I know that you don’t sit here alone unless something’s on your mind.”

Elizabeth smiled faintly. “Noticed that did you?”

“Yep.” Lucky stretched his legs out in front of him and crossed them at the ankles. “So spill it, Ellie. What’s on your mind?”

“Robin told me about Stone,” Elizabeth replied. “And about her illness. So I know you knew.”

He nodded. “And I was sworn to secrecy. Not exactly the easiest thing to accomplish being around you and Patrick all the time, especially Patrick.” He grimaced. “She’s having trouble telling him.”

“She’s only managed to tell him that she fell in love with someone else and he flipped. He asked a nurse to the Quartermaine party.”

Lucky whistled softly. “Ballsy. That party is not the time and place to make a stand but I guess he’s not really thinking clearly. And I bet he thinks that Stone is alive and well and probably on his way to Port Charles.”

“That would be correct.” Elizabeth shook her head. “He’s acting like an asshole which is only going to make things worse in the long run. He won’t shut up and listen to Robin long enough to get the truth and as much as I want to shake him and make him listen, I can’t.” She shook her head. “There’s just way too much going on, especially now that Will has moved in.”

“Will.” Lucky nodded. “He’s, ah, doing all right?”

“As well as can be expected. He’s going through something rough with his parents but Patrick and I think we can get him back on track.” Elizabeth glanced at him. “Your sister broke his heart.”

“Well, he certainly left his mark on my little sister.” Lucky hesitated. “She’s pregnant.”

“Oh my…” Elizabeth blinked and stared out over the water. “Oh my God.”

“Yep.” Lucky shifted. “She’s scared to death, she almost had Dillon talked into claiming paternity but decided it wasn’t fair for Dad to kill him over something he didn’t do.”

“Naturally,” she said dryly. “Will’s a good kid, he’ll stand up.”

“Yeah, I know. She’s just got to get the courage up to tell him, or to keep trying until he shuts up long enough to listen to her. It’s like everyone in our lives is having the same problem. No one ever closes their mouth long enough to listen to anyone else.” He jerked a shoulder. “Anyway, I told her about what happened to us. Senior year.”

“I guess you would.” Elizabeth fell quiet. “Did it help her?”

“I’m not sure but it got me thinking…looking at how scared she is to tell Will…it made me glad that you were able to come to me.” He looked at her. “I know we didn’t work out, Ellie, mostly because we weren’t supposed to. It was just that normal first love thing and we burned ourselves out but I’m glad that we were able to share all that together and still come out with love and respect for each other. It doesn’t happen enough.”

“No, no it doesn’t.” She smiled. “We had a good time, Lucky. I’m almost glad we had that scare because we were just…we were so close to sliding into a future together because neither of us had ever seen anything else. We’d already been together for so long, it would have been easy to keep going on that road.”

“I’ve been thinking about that lately,” Lucky nodded. “And yeah, you’re right. We were very comfortable, Ellie. We probably would have been married right out of college, settled right down and probably have a few kids by now.”

“Probably,” she agreed. “And that wouldn’t have been a mistake, you know. It would have been nice, safe and comfortable.”

“But we both deserve more,” Lucky said. “And if I’m not wrong, I think you’ve found it in Jason. I’m glad. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, you know?

“I hope I have found it. It’s not that easy but nothing worthwhile ever comes from taking the easy way out, right?”

“Nope.” He grinned at her and bumped his shoulder against hers. “We coulda had it all, babe.”

She giggled. “And bored ourselves to tears in the process.”

On the top level of the docks, Jason Morgan stepped out from one of the buildings, returning from his meeting with Sonny. Trailing Manny Ruiz had not taken as long as either of them expected. Jason had found the youngest son meeting with a competitor the night before and Sonny had called him off the assignment.

He was on his way to Jake’s to clean up and call Elizabeth. He’d missed her so much and there wasn’t too much snow on the ground. They could go for a ride. He really just wanted to see her.

Jason heard her familiar laugh and glanced down at the bench to find Elizabeth giggling with Lucky Spencer. Something tightened in his chest, a sensation that was both familiar and strange at the same time. He knew she’d dated Lucky in high school but they’d had nothing but friendship since then.

But she was laughing with him, looking happy and for some reason Jason couldn’t quite name, that made him uncomfortable. He thought about making himself known but instead, he continued on his way. He’d call her tomorrow.

Spencer House: Porch

As soon as Lulu opened the door to find Will standing there, she blanched, glanced over her shoulder and quickly stepped out, pushing him back a step. She slammed the door behind her. “What are you doing here?”

Will frowned. “I needed to talk to you—” he stopped and narrowed his eyes. “Is there a reason we can’t go inside?”

“Um. Yes.” Lulu went to the window and sighed in relief when she saw her father sitting contritely on the couch with her mother lecturing him. When Luke had seen Will briefly at the door, he’d started towards the entryway with blood in his eyes, hence Lulu’s quick escape.

Her father had taken the news in stride mostly, quick to let her know that while she had his utmost support…the boy would have to die. Lulu had been trying to talk him out of it when Will had made his untimely appearance.

“Okay,” Will said slowly. “I wanted to apologize. You came to see me, you had something to say and I cut you off. That wasn’t fair and I should have heard you out.”

And now here was her chance. Except Lulu couldn’t wrench the words from her throat. How hard could it be? I’m pregnant. She could say it in her head. Why couldn’t she open her mouth and make the words come out?

“Lu?” Will prompted. He stripped off his suede jacket and draped it around her shoulders. “Are you okay?”

He was sober, Lulu could see. For the first time in months, he was completely sober. His eyes were clear and focused and he was starting to sound like the Will she’d fallen for. The one she’d had a crush on for most of her teen aged life. He’d always seemed so strong and able and she’d wanted that more than anything.

And then he’d been dangerous and exciting so she’d thought it was all her favorite things wrapped in a gorgeous package. Until he was drinking to dull the pain of his parents’ problems more than he was doing it to have fun and that no longer appealed to her.

But now that Will was gone. Or on hiatus. She wasn’t sure. In his place was the boy she’d known forever and just like that, her terror and apprehension melted.

“Will, I am so sorry,” she said softly. “I don’t know how to tell you and I was scared for so long but I ‘m not anymore.” She paused. “You’re really doing okay, aren’t you?”

“Getting there.” Will hesitated and tilted his head to the side. “But you’re not. What’s wrong?”

She swallowed hard. “I’m pregnant,” she said quietly.

Port Charles Hotel: Anna’s Room

Robin twisted her fingers together and refused to look at her mother. “Say something,” she murmured.

Anna Devane stood from the sofa and crossed to the terrace doors, sweeping her dark eyes over the harbor. “I’m not sure what there is to say, love.” Her accent slid over the words in a short, clipped manner. “I suppose your father took the news with his customary anger before settling down and promising you the moon and stars.”

“Something like that,” Robin said uneasily. “Mom…”

“For three years, I knew something was wrong with you,” Anna said, as if her daughter hadn’t spoken. “I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but there was a reason you were never available when I wanted to fly in and why you never had time for more than short phone calls and pithy postcards. I told myself that I had raised a bright and independent daughter who clearly wanted some space to herself.”

She turned and confronted the daughter in question. “I’m not sure what reaction you want from me, Robin. Should I be angry that you kept it from me? Should I be devastated for your loss? Scared for your future? Happy that you were able to find someone to love? I am all of those things, Robin. I just don’t know which one to concentrate on at this precise moment.”

“I know three years seems like a long time,” Robin said haltingly, “but it was all so fast to me. I was swept up by medical school and by Stone that by the time I realized I wanted to tell you guys, we were engaged. I thought I could fly to London and surprise you and then he got sick. I just…I could never find the words. And then I was just so wrapped up in Stone and his illness.” Her voice thickened. “I am so sorry, Mom, for what I’ve put everyone through. You and Dad, my friends. I would do anything to change it but I can’t.”

“I am terrified that despite everything your father and I have done to protect you from the evils of the world—his work with the police and mine with the government—we might lose you in a way that never really occurred to us.” Anna wrapped her long arms around her slim torso and Robin realized her shoulders were shaking.

“Mom…” She stood and took a step towards her mother.

“If you are ever blessed with a child, you may one day understand a portion of what is going on inside of me,” Anna continued. “You don’t realize how easy it is to go from anger to terror in a split second but when it comes to your children, you tend to spend a lot of time with those emotions. Of course, there is always happiness, and joy. Quite a lot of worry but I have spent most of the time being terrified.”

“I’m okay,” Robin assured her. “I’m on the cocktail, I’m relatively healthy. There are advancements being made all the time. My doctors can’t imagine why I wouldn’t live another fifty years.”

“I am desperately grateful for that.” Anna exhaled slowly and turned around. “I’m sorry to be such a drama queen, darling, it’s just not the easiest set of news for a mother to receive and for it to be such a large dose…it was almost a bit more than I could digest.”

“I wish I hadn’t put it off so long,” Robin admitted. “I’ve made a big mess out of everyone’s lives and I just hope I can make it right. In case…”

Anna sighed. “Oh darling, is that why you came home? So you could fix everyone in case the worst happens?”

“I guess. I wanted to make sure you and Dad were okay. That Patrick and Ellie were happy. That the people who mattered the most would be taken care of. I’m not expecting to die any time soon, Mom, but…” Robin shrugged. “I have to be prepared. Just in case.”

“Come here.” Anna drew her daughter into a bone crushing embrace. “You are forgiven for not telling me, love of my life, but promise me that you will never shut me out like this again?”

“I promise.”

April 17, 2014

This entry is part 11 of 19 in the Daughters

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
– Mad World, Gary Jules

December 27, 2005

Bannister’s Wharf

Elizabeth sat on the bench staring out over the water, letting the stinging wind whip around her. She couldn’t really feel the cold. Not after what Robin had told her today.

Her best friend in the world was sick, could become even worse and die some day. She had lost her fiancé to this illness, a man that Elizabeth hadn’t known about. Hadn’t been able to gush about, to mourn, to love. Robin had had an entire life in Paris and no one had known.

She couldn’t turn to Patrick because he didn’t know and he deserved to hear this from Robin. She couldn’t talk to her father because in some ways, she blamed her father for all that had happened in her life since her mother had died. If Noah had just handled things a little bit better, maybe Patrick wouldn’t have torn himself apart and driven Robin away.

Anyway, she could never talk to her father in any real way that mattered. Not about anything.

And she couldn’t turn to Jason, which had been her first instinct. She had had her phone out and was pressing the speed dial before she remembered that today was the first day of his disappearance. No contact until he made the first move. It had seemed like such an easy promise last night, but she wasn’t so sure anymore. How could she lose her heart to someone who was turning out to be as inaccessible as her father and brother? Sure, Jason’s distance was physical, not emotional, but it was distance all the same.

She should have stuck with Lucky. Maybe they had already been drifting into “friends” territory towards the end of their relationship in high school. The passion and the sweetness had disappeared and they’d each known that there was more out there. But now they were both alone and he was the most normal guy she’d ever known. She should have stuck with him.

“Elizabeth?”

Elizabeth glanced up to find Sonny Corinthos staring at her, concerned. “Sonny?”

He gestured with a gloved hand. “You’re crying,” he stated. “Are you all right?”

Elizabeth brought her hand up to feel her freezing face and was surprised to find her hand bare and her cheeks wet. “Oh. I didn’t realize.”

Sonny lowered himself onto the bench next to her and took her freezing hands in his, rubbing them to warm them up. “If I let you turn into an icicle, Jason would never forgive me.” He turned to one of the men she hadn’t noticed before. “Could you find a pair of gloves for Miss Drake to wear?”

“Sure thing,” the man disappeared up the stairs and Sonny turned his attention back to her.

“Is there anything I can do?” he asked.

“No,” Elizabeth shook her head, embarrassed. “I was just feeling sorry for myself. You don’t need to do anything—-”

“Of course I do,” Sonny said easily. “Jason is my friend and you mean a lot to him. Is it him? Are you missing him already?”

“No,” Elizabeth said quickly. “Well, yes, of course, but that’s not why I’m upset.” She sighed. “A friend gave me some really awful news and I just…I was thinking about how I didn’t have anyone I could talk to about it. Jason’s…not available. My family is a mess and everyone else is dealing with the news anyway.”

Sonny nodded. “It’s rough to be in the same circle of friends when something bad happens,” he said. “Because you can’t really depend on someone else to be strong since they’re reeling from it as well.”

“Yeah,” Elizabeth bit her lip. “Robin Scorpio,” she said, “was my best friend growing up. We were more like sisters because she was basically dating my brother from the time we were fourteen until we graduated from college. My mom died and my brother made her so unhappy she went to Paris for medical school,” she explained. “She met someone there, planned to marry him and found out he had AIDS and shortly before he died, she was diagnosed with HIV.”

“I’m so sorry, Elizabeth,” Sonny murmured. “And you found this out today?”

“Every piece of it,” she said. “Robin left very abruptly about three months after my mom died. I didn’t really know why then; I assumed my brother had broken up with her and she needed to get away. But she only wrote me once or twice, she never returned my phone calls and she never visited. Since I never knew about this guy she was engaged to, there was a lot of ground for Robin to cover before she even got to the bad parts.”

She could feel the hysteria crawling up her throat. Her voice began to hitch. “She was my best friend in the world. Her life fell apart a year ago and she never once bothered to pick up the phone. I can’t understand why any of this happening, how I can be so devastated for her and so goddamn furious at the same time!”

Sonny shifted his arm and put it around her shoulders, drawing her in a warm embrace that reminded her a bit of the safety she’d once felt with her brother. Just the reminder of how far apart she and Patrick had grown drove her over the edge and the tears started to slip out. “How could she shut me out like that? Because I’m Patrick’s sister? Because she didn’t want to deal with it anymore? How could she ignore me?”

Her voice broke. “My life fell apart too, and I couldn’t talk to her anymore. And now I don’t have anyone because I was stupid enough to fall in love with someone like my father, who always manages to be unavailable when you really need someone—” she broke off abruptly as she realized who she had just said that to. The man that caused Jason to be unavailable. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“Sure you did,” Sonny said. He used his free hand to rub her shoulder. “But it’s okay, we can keep it between us.”

“No, really, I don’t have a problem with Jason working for you and we talked about him not being able to talk to me for a few days or even longer if necessary. I’m okay with it, or I was in theory. I just…” she drew in a deep breath. “I just wasn’t expecting this to happen today. I’m all over the place.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Sonny assured her. “I’m sure it’s going to be a rough adjustment period, so don’t worry about it. You’re having a bad day and not having Jason to help you through it is going to make you resent things a bit. Don’t worry about it.”

“Jason’s always there when it counts,” Elizabeth said. “He’s nothing like my father, I didn’t mean…” she exhaled in a huff. “I don’t know what I mean anymore. I’m sorry to have lost it like that.”

“I’m going to tell you something that I’ve never told anyone,” Sonny said. “So maybe it will help you to trust me a little.” He patted her arm. “I didn’t ask Jason to do more for me because of his skills or his abilities. Or I should say, not just because he has them.” He hesitated. “I asked him because I think he’s a little like me. Searching for something to make his life matter, to prove something to himself. I went down a lot of dark roads trying to do that and I didn’t want that to happen to him, so I cut out the middle road and gave him more responsibility than I would have given to anyone else working for me for so little time.”

“Sonny…”

“My wife adores him,” Sonny continued. “She considers him part of her family and so do I. I’ve known for months that you were more than just the friendly nurse who took care of him in the hospital. Jason considers you part of his family, which makes you part of ours.”

“He thinks the world of you,” Elizabeth said softly. “He would never want to disappoint you because you gave him a chance when everyone else said he was worthless and would never amount to anything. That’s why I told him it’d be okay to take the job, that I would never hold him back. Because as much as he says he wouldn’t hold it against me, and we’d go on the way we were before, I knew what would happen. He’d resent me because he’d have to let you down and he would rather cut his arm off first.” She swiped at her eyes. “He’s important to me, Sonny, and I’ll find a way to deal with the rest of it because it’s worth it to me to try.”

“Good.” Sonny handed her a pair of leather gloves that his man had given him. “Put these on. And if you’re free, I’ll bring you home to Brenda. You can cry on her shoulder because she’s a woman and might be able to tell you why your Robin did what she did. Then maybe you can face Robin without the bitterness. That’s what you want to do, right?”

“It is,” Elizabeth admitted. “I guess I didn’t realize I had been holding that in for so long. But I have to be able to support her through what’s happening and I can’t do that if I’m angry.”

“Excellent.” Sonny stood and pulled Elizabeth to her feet. “I’ll cook you a nice dinner.”

Spencer House: Lulu’s Room

Lulu heard the front door close, which indicated that her father had left for the casino for the night. She reached under her bed and tugged out a bag of books.

“‘What To Expect When You’re Expecting’,” she read the title of the first. “Why doesn’t anyone write a book called ‘What To Expect What You’re Not Sure You

Want to Be Expecting’?” she muttered.

“Because it would never fit on the cover.”

Lulu whirled around to find her older brother leaning against the doorjamb.

“Lucky…what’re you doing here?”

“Mom called me. She thought you might need some advice from someone a bit younger and less biased.” Lucky turned her desk chair around and sat in it. “So, Lu, I guess you’ve got yourself in a bit of a pickle.”

“A pickle,” Lulu murmured. “That’s interesting.” She leaned against her bed and closed her eyes. “So where’s the advice you promised Mom?”

“When Elizabeth and I were seniors,” Lucky said slowly, “she was late.”

Lulu jerked her head up and stared at him. “What?”

“Really late,” Lucky said. “And we were scared shitless. We were barely seventeen, and already we knew that we were just marking time. We were together because we had been for three years and neither one of us wanted to find out what high school would be like without the other. So to think that we had made a kid together when we didn’t want forever…that was terrifying.”

“She wasn’t pregnant though, right?”

“No,” Lucky replied. “But we had about three weeks of thinking she might be. She didn’t want to take the test and I didn’t want her to either. Because if it came out positive, what the hell would we do? I mean, we were just kids. We still had college to go through; we had the rest of our lives ahead of us. How could we raise a kid?”

“So what happened?” Lulu asked.

“Well, eventually we decided that if she was pregnant, we wouldn’t get married,” Lucky said. “At least not because she was knocked up. That’s no way to start a marriage and it would be bad enough to saddle a kid with teenage parents, you don’t want to add an unhappy relationship to it, you know? We decided we’d do joint custody, maybe even get an apartment so we could raise the baby, but we wouldn’t promise to spend our lives together. That would just be a trap for us.”

He scratched his forehead. “Anyway, Elizabeth wasn’t pregnant and we decided to break up. Like I said, it was over anyway and we didn’t want to chance making another mistake.”

“So that’s why you guys broke up,” Lulu said. “Everyone always wondered, but you guys never really said.” She picked at her carpet. “So you decided to keep the baby, if there was one?”

“We talked about everything else,” Lucky said. “We discussed abortion and adoption, but Elizabeth wasn’t really into either. She knew she wanted to be a mother one day and figured if it was meant to happen, it would happen.”

“Did that scare you?” Lulu asked. “I mean, that she basically made the decision for you?”

“Well, I figured it was her body, she had the final decision anyway, but my heart was never in the other options either. But that was us, Lu. We didn’t have the stuff to deal with that you do. Elizabeth wasn’t dating someone who had a lot of problems and we’d been together forever. We already knew we were going to end up friends. You and Will are different. He’s got a lot of problems, Lu, and no one would blame you if you didn’t want to bring a life into this world with him.”

“I tried to tell him today,” she said softly. “I was kind of hoping he’d take it out of my hands, you know? But I wasn’t saying it right and he thought I was asking to get back together. He’s sober, he has been since Christmas Eve and I know it’s only three days—”

“Three days, three hours, it doesn’t matter,” Lucky said. “Patrick told me he’s trying.”

“Yeah, and I guess he’s trying to get his life back in order. He could still get his grades under control and go to a really good college,” Lulu sighed. “I guess a baby could mess that up.”

“Lu…” Lucky left his seat to slide down next to her. “He needs to make that decision for himself. I’m glad he’s trying to find his way out from under the mess his parents left him in. I know he’s had a rough year, and you have in your own way, too. I’m not saying that you have to tell him, because ultimately, that’s up to you. But speaking from experience…even though Ellie and I were on the way out, I still cared about her and I’m glad I was able to be there for her while she was scared. I know Will cares about you; that’s pretty easy to see. Is it healthy? Maybe, maybe not. You guys are young; it’s hard to tell if it’s something that can last. Lu, I can’t tell you what to do. I can only tell you that I love you, that I will support whatever it is you choose to do.

“And by the way, squirt…” he grasped her chin. “You are my kid sister and no one had better tell you that you’re not Spencer enough. You’ve got enough Spencer in you to scare the crap out of our old man. And that’s saying something.”

Lulu laughed and then found herself starting to cry. She threw herself into her older brother’s arms. “Thank you for saying that. You’re the best brother a girl could have.”

General Hospital: Locker Room

“I thought you were done a few hours ago.”

Emily glanced up to find Robin studying her closely. “Oh. Yeah. I’m picking up another shift. I needed to get out of the house.” She opened her locker and tugged out her scrubs top. “Um, did you tell Patrick?”

“I tried,” Robin sighed, “but I didn’t get very far. He didn’t take the news about Stone well.”

“Well, if you got the mention of Stone out, he’ll probably figure out the rest—” Emily started.

“No, I mean the fact that I moved on and found someone else.” Robin sank onto the bench and huffed. “I didn’t…I knew that since I came home, he’d hinted that maybe we could date again but I didn’t realize…it’s like he thinks time stopped. That we didn’t have lives in the last three years.”

“He didn’t,” Emily said softly. “Not in the way you did. After you left, his father’s drinking started to get worse. He started to argue with Ellie and Jay had his car accident. That first year, I wasn’t sure that he was even going to stick around Port Charles. Especially after Jay woke up and wasn’t, you know, Jay anymore. That was the last straw for him. For a lot of us, Robin. I can appreciate that you did not have a magical fairy tale in Paris and my heart breaks for what you’ve been through but our lives didn’t exactly stop either and we’re all still picking up the pieces.”

“I get that but hasn’t Patrick dated?” Robin asked, bewildered. “I got the impression from the nursing staff that he’s dated half of them and asked out the rest—”

“Dated,” Emily repeated. She took off her sweater and hung it in her locker. “There’s been no one for him since you left. No one that was anything more than a distraction. Robin, he fell in love with you when he was fourteen and he’s never fallen back out. The last time his life made any sense, it was with you. I don’t blame him for thinking that if he had you back, things would be okay.”

“I thought they were now,” Robin frowned. “His dad stopped drinking, he and Ellie are all right. I mean, he still lost his mom and Jay, but—”

“The thing about Noah is…he’s only been sober for about a year and…” Emily paused. “The thing is, only Ellie really thinks he’s sober. I mean, he gives the impression that he is but I don’t think anyone believes him.”

“My dad said something like that but I didn’t really pay attention to that. Emily, I can’t date Patrick to make his life easier—”

“No, I get that. But he doesn’t know the rest of the story. He thinks that his life exploded. In the span of six months, his mother died, the love of his life disappeared, his family disintegrated, his best friend basically died and as far as he knows, you were in Paris…falling in love with someone else. Honestly, Robin, I’m not sure he can handle the rest of it now. Because now he’s hating you for being happy at all and when he finds out what really happened, he’s going to turn that hatred on himself.” She fastened her scrub bottoms and sat next to Robin.

“The truth is,” Emily continued, “that Patrick has been walking a very fine line for the last year, since Noah’s accident, but he’s starting to fray at the edges. Watching Ellie with Jason and knowing it should be Jay is eating at him. Wondering if his father is going to sink back into a bottle and knowing that it runs in the family…he’s terrified he’s going to end up just like his father and I think…if he finds out that you’re sick…he might just fall off the edge altogether.”

“I can’t not tell him,” Robin chewed her lip. “I’m telling my mother when she flies in for New Year’s. Ellie knows. My father knows, you know. Lucky knew anyway. If I don’t tell him, if I wait too long, it’ll be worse because he’ll know everyone else knew. And he’ll think I lied to him. You know he hates when someone tries to protect him.”

“All very valid points,” Emily agreed. “But you also need to tell him for you. You want to tell him. And you can’t be selfish, Robin. It’s not fair to him.”

“No, I get what you’re saying. I just wanted this over with, but I can’t do at risk of hurting him more,” Robin replied. “What do you suggest I do?”

“Wait a few days, at least until your mom gets here on the thirtieth. Give him some time to calm down, to accept that you did move on in Paris, and then see where you are. If you have to tell him in stages, then tell him in stages. No one says you have to do all at once.”

“Thanks.” Robin was silent for a moment. “I know you and Ellie are angry with me. Ellie, in particular, for the way I left. I wish I could say sorry and have it be enough…”

“Robin…” Emily hesitated. “Yeah, I was angry. I still am, a little. But it’s because I’m your friend and I should have been there for you. I wish I could have been there, at the funeral. With Ellie, she’s had the exact same time of it as Patrick, except she’s walking away from it with Jason, which isn’t exactly a prize. I loved my brother so much and I love the one I have now, but he is working for Sonny and I don’t care what she tells him, I know she’s not doing well with it. You and Ellie were always closer than you and me. Maybe you needed to get away from Patrick, but she could have used you a time or two. ”

“I know. I felt awful when I realized all that had happened. She never told me about it in her letters, but that’s no excuse. I didn’t handle any of it right.”

“All that aside,” Emily stood and shut her locker, “I am here for you, no matter. Whatever you need. I’m sick inside about what’s happened to you and I hope you’ll let me know if there’s anything you need from me.”

Robin reached forward and hugged her friend. “You’re wrong about something, you know.” She said, pulling back. “Even though you were two years behind us, you and I were still friends and I shouldn’t have abandoned you either.”

“Well, it’s over now. You’re home now and we have to pick up new pieces.” Emily smiled faintly. “And throw out others.”

Patrick & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Living Room

Elizabeth pushed open her front door and found Will on the couch, watching television and eating a slice of pizza. “Hey.” She closed the door and removed her coat. “Don’t tell me that’s what you ate for dinner.”

“Not much else in there except frozen pizza.” Will gestured towards the uneaten pieces on the plate in front of him. “You can have some.”

“No, thanks.” She dropped on the couch next to him. “Didn’t Patrick come home?”

“Not yet.” Will dropped the half eaten slice back on his plate. “So Lu stopped by.” He scratched his head. “She wanted to talk but I thought she wanted to get back together so I told her that wasn’t going to happen. She looked kind of upset.”

“Did she actually say that?” Elizabeth pointedly.

“Um.” Will paused. “Well, no.”

“Then you should probably have heard her out.” Elizabeth tapped her fingers restlessly against the arm of the couch. “It’s pretty late. Patrick didn’t call?”

“I don’t think so, but I figured he was out wooing the lovely Dr. Scorpio.” Will shrugged. “He was talking about trying to get her back on Christmas Eve.”

“He wants to get back together with Robin?” Elizabeth asked. “Oh, no.”

“That’s what I said,” her cousin replied. “I told him Drake men don’t get to keep the girl but I guess he thinks he can break the cycle.” He eyed her. “Do Drake women get the guys? I always wondered.”

“Will…” Elizabeth sighed. Before she could say anything else, the apartment phone rang. She leaned back and grabbed the cordless from the table behind the couch. “Hello?”

“Ellie Drake?”

“Yes?” Elizabeth replied.

“It’s Coleman down here at Jake’s. I, ah, called you a few times to pick up your dad.”

Elizabeth’s stomach clutched terribly. “My…dad isn’t there right?”

“No, no, darlin’. Your brother is. Patrick, right? He’s been here for the past three hours.”

“Oh, no,” she sighed. “How bad is he?”

“Well, that’s the thing. He’s been staring at the same shot of whiskey the entire time. I don’t think he’s even sipped it. Normally I don’t chase off the sober ones but I gotta say, Ellie, I’m a bit worried.”

“I’ll be down to pick him up. Thanks, Coleman,” she sighed again, “you do have a way of bailing out the men in my family.” She hung up and rubbed her eyes. “I have to pick up Patrick at Jake’s. Do me a favor, Will?”

“Yep?”

“I want you to call Lu tomorrow and ask her to tell you what she wanted to tell you today. She deserves to be heard out, even if it is just to break your heart again.” Elizabeth stood and reached for her coat. “You never make anything better by running away from it. It’s usually worse that way.”

Port Charles Grille

“Are you tired?” Nikolas asked. “I knew I should have taken you home.”

Emily shook her head. “No, I was hungry and we don’t get to see each other much.” She set her fork down and sipped her wine. “I don’t really want to be anywhere else.”

He eyed her, concerned. “I wish I could say that I believed that because you want to be with me, but I get the feeling that I’m not much more than a distraction right now.”

“Oh…no,” Emily shook her head. “No, Nikolas. You’re never a distraction, I’m sorry—”

“Em…” He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I love you. I know I’m not the center of your life and I can tell something’s on your mind. Why don’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”

Emily pursed her lips. “Well…I guess Robin wouldn’t mind.” She haltingly related the information she’d received today. Nikolas took it in slowly and sighed.

“How awful,” he murmured. “I remember this Stone Cates. Lucky went to his funeral last year but he never said anything about Robin.”

“She didn’t tell anyone but Lucky and I guess she made him keep it a secret.” Emily leaned back in her chair. “She’s starting to tell everyone, it’s the reason she moved home. She told her father and then me and Ellie today. She wanted to tell Patrick but…” she shook her head. “He couldn’t accept the fact that she’d loved someone else enough to marry him so she wasn’t able to tell him about the illness.”

“He’s always loved her,” Nikolas said. “I can imagine the idea of her finding that with someone else must have shaken him a great deal.”

Emily nodded and they were silent for a long moment. “Nikolas, your uncle still plans to move to Greece after the wedding, doesn’t he?” she asked softly.

Nikolas didn’t answer her right away. He wiped his mouth with the linen napkin and signaled for the waiter to remove their entrée plates. Once that was finished, “He hasn’t mentioned it in a while but I imagine that’s still his plan.”

“Does it bother you?”

“Does it bother me that my uncle refuses to let the past go?” Nikolas clarified. “That the legacy of a Cassadine woman neither one of us knew is enough for him to cause us both unhappiness? Yes, it bothers me. Emily, you are not the reason he will go to Greece and I am not the reason your grandfather is threatening to disown you.”

“No, I know that,” Emily replied. “I know that my grandfather has never forgiven Sofia Cassadine for breaking his brother’s heart and Grandfather believes that led him to commit suicide. Logically, I know that his reaction to our engagement has nothing to do with either of us. But I guess…our families are both so important to us, Nikolas. How do we know that one day, years from now, we won’t look at each other and think it wasn’t worth it?”

“Are you having second thoughts?” Nikolas inquired, forcing his voice to be light.

“Not about you,” Emily assured him. “I love you. I do.” She paused. “But my family…they took me in and loved me even when I didn’t give them a reason to. I don’t know if I can willingly cause them this kind of pain.”

“You aren’t causing them anything,” he argued. “They’re doing it to themselves and they’ll come to their senses soon enough. They’re bluffing, Emily. I wish you had the spine to recognize that.”

She sat straight in her chair and stared at him. “You wish I had the spine to recognize that,” she repeated. She set her glass of wine down. “I didn’t realize you thought so little of me.”

“I didn’t mean that the way…” he cursed under his breath. “Emily, I’m just frustrated by the situation. We’ve been engaged for months and you refuse to set a date because your grandfather is jerking you around. I want to start our lives together and I’m tired of waiting for you to realize that your family is just using your love for them a weapon to hurt us both.”

“It may be easy for you to turn your back on your family,” Emily said. “But your impatience with your uncle is not the same as mine for my grandfather. You and he never knew your great-aunt. For my grandfather, every time he sees a member of your family, he is reminded of why he believes his brother is dead. I am asking him to go through that again, so forgive me if I want to have a bit more patience with someone who has never asked a single thing of me.” She stood and reached for her purse. “I love you, Nikolas, but I love my family, too. I just don’t find it as easy as you do to choose between the two.”

She walked away and Nikolas found himself just a little panicked when she didn’t turn back.

Jake’s Bar

Elizabeth stowed her cell phone into her purse as she crossed the threshold into the dive near the docks. She’d been here many times. Despite its seedy appearance, she’d celebrated her twenty-first birthday here with Jay, Patrick, Robin, Lucky and Nikolas.

And of course, she’d dragged her father out of here quite a few times.

She found her brother sitting at a corner table, a bottle of vodka in front of him, nearly full. A shot of the alcohol beside the bottle. Thanks to her conversation with Robin on her way here, she knew that her brother did not have the full story.

If he knew the full extent of Robin’s life in Paris, Elizabeth didn’t doubt that he would have done more than stare at a glass. He’d be almost through the bottle.

She pulled out the chair across from him and sat in. “Hey.”

He glanced up at her. “What are you doing here?”

“Coleman must have me on speed dial,” Elizabeth said dryly, tipping her head towards the gray-haired bartender dressed in one of his usual wildly printed shirts. “We’re on a first name basis. Well, he calls me Ellie anyway.”

“I’m sorry. About this morning,” he clarified when he saw her questioning look. “I’m just trying to look out for you but I guess I’m kind of rusty at it.”

“I just want you to respect me enough to trust my choices,” she said softly. “I love you, Patrick. You’ve always been more than my brother; you’ve been my best friend. I don’t want to lose that.”

“Well, you’re about all I got left,” he said roughly. “I don’t know what to do about Dad. It’s like I tried to put all that anger and resentment away while he was getting better and now it’s out again. I don’t know what to do with it all. Robin’s…well, she’s just not the person I thought she was or wanted her to be. I don’t have anything else.”

“Patrick, Robin’s still your friend…” Elizabeth sighed. “Why are you here anyway?” she asked, changing the subject.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “Either trying to prove I’m nothing like the rest of our family or I’m exactly like them. I forget.”

“Patrick, you are nothing like Dad. Or Uncle Liam. Or our grandfather.” Elizabeth pushed the vodka bottle to the side. “In the last three and a half years, you lost your mother, your girlfriend and your best friend. Did you start to drink then?”

“No,” he answered.

“No,” Elizabeth repeated. “Instead, you graduated with honors from medical school in two years and you’re on the fast track to being an incredible surgeon. Yeah, maybe your patience for other people has taken a bit of a nosedive and you became a little distant, a little hard to confide in, but I am proud of you. You easily could have disappeared into the bottle like all the men we’ve grown up with. You didn’t.”

“It’s different now,” Patrick said. “For three years, Robin was out there. I figured she would get over whatever was annoying her and she’d come home. And everything would be the way it was supposed to be. But I guess she didn’t love me as much I loved her.”

“That’s not fair,” Elizabeth protested.

“She moved on.” Patrick stood and grabbed his coat from the back of the chair. “I guess it’s my turn to do the same.”

He stalked out of the bar and she put her head in her hands. She wished she could tell him the truth about Robin, but it wasn’t her place. Instead, she was afraid her brother was only going to make everything worse.

toomany I’ll probably end up updating again later today with a chapter or two of Daughters, maybe some Surviving the Past. I’ve added Chapter Ten of A Few Words Too Many. Funny story — the Jason/Elizabeth scene in Chapter 9 came out of nowhere. I originally intended that scene to go a lot more like the one in Chapter Ten. But, as I remarked on the message boards, Jason and Liz decided they knew better 😛

First Update: Chapter Eleven of Daughters. I shall return with others as I normally do because I’m a dork. (If this afternoon goes well, maybe even the next episode of Damaged. You just never know with me.)

Second update: Damaged, two days early! Some of the scenes just started to flow for me, so no point in holding back. Hope you guys like this as much as the first one. This episode really sets up the trajectory for the next few weeks. Click Episode 002 to read and please let me know what you think!

This entry is part 10 of 24 in the A Few Words Too Many

I’m falling apart, I’m barely breathing
With a broken heart that’s still beating
In the pain, there is healing
In your name I find meaning
So I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on, I’m holdin’ on
I’m barely holdin’ on to you
– Broken, Lifehouse

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

General Hospital: Kelly Lee’s Office

She couldn’t believe Jason was actually sitting in this office with her, prepared to sit through her doctor’s appointment and watch an ultrasound that would reveal whether Elizabeth was having a boy or a girl, and he was going to do that knowing full well Kelly and Nadine thought he was the father.

What a difference two weeks could make.

They had never really returned to the conversation Francis had interrupted her first day in the penthouse, but Elizabeth didn’t mind. Though they had not discussed their relationship any further than the days after their disastrous meeting at Luke’s, the tension and discomfort had all but vanished. She’d spent the majority of her first two weeks in the penthouse sitting on the couch, reading, sketching or watching mindless daytime television while Jason ferried her from living room to bedroom, and arranged for most of her meals.

They sat in silence much of time, while she read magazines or sketched and he worked on files or read travel books. There had been no recurrence of the interrupted kiss either, but…sometimes she caught him looking at her out of the corner of her eye, and his eyes had that soft, tender look she’d become so accustomed to during the years of their friendship.

She had not taken Nadine’s advice and asked him about tomorrow or spoken about the baby. Somehow, Elizabeth innately understood that these were not subjects that would preserve the peaceful status quo, and having just re-established the old comfort level…she did not want to disturb it.

Which would probably happen after today. She’d told him about her appointment last week, he’d promised to clear his schedule because he needed to start taking a more active interest. But this morning, the tension was back in his shoulders and the longer they sat in this office, her already on the examining table and him in the chair adjacent, the less comfortable he looked.

“Sonny came by this morning,” she said finally. “While you were at the warehouse.”

“Did he need me?” Jason frowned. “I told him I was—”

“No, no, he came to check on me.” Elizabeth clasped her hand over her abdomen. “I think he was inspecting the cabinets for contraband.” Her lips curved. “He thinks I’m Carly’s cookie dealer.”

Jason laughed softly and leaned back, his shoulders relaxing slightly. “Yeah, he’s not sure how she keeps getting them past the door, but I think Bobbie’s giving packages to Michael.”

“It’s almost adorable,” Elizabeth said, “but then he started complaining about my cookie stash and I had to kick him out.” She tossed him an unapologetic smile. “Sorry about that.”

“No, he gets…very…” Jason paused, as if searching for the right word. “Cranky about nutrition. He wants the baby to be safe and this is the one area he thinks he can have complete control over.”

The door opened then, and Nadine and Kelly came in. “Hey, Elizabeth!” Kelly greeted. She stopped and blinked at Jason. “I see we finally have company.”

Nadine grinned and walked around them to start getting a tray together for Kelly. Elizabeth nervously tucked her hair behind her ears. “Jason, this is Dr. Kelly Lee, and I think you’ve seen Nadine in and out of the penthouse the last few weeks.”

“Hello,” Jason nodded briefly. But he looked away, not knowing what to say next.

“Well…” Kelly smiled brightly. “Let’s get some blood drawn and then we’ll check your blood pressure.” As Nadine prepared Elizabeth’s arm for the needle, Kelly continued. “Have you been feeling better? Your blood pressure was high at the last visit.” She glanced down. “I see they weighed you before you changed came in, and you’re finally gaining back the weight you lost during the first trimester. Very good…”

Elizabeth grimaced at the needle prick for her blood tests and then closed her eyes as Nadine fitted the blood pressure pump to her arm. She just wanted this one to be normal. She’d done nothing but rest and her stress level was better, wasn’t it? “I’ve done what you asked,” she assured Kelly as the pressure built. “Jason barely lets me off the sofa to use the bathroom. I told him what you said at the last appointment about the blood pressure, so we talked about it, and I quit my job.”

“Good.” Kelly nodded. She frowned. “Well, the blood pressure is down but it’s still more elevated than I might like.” She clucked her tongue and made a notation. “But it’s a vast improvement. Sounds like you’ve been on bed rest for a bit, so maybe you could keep doing it…” She looked over at Jason. “Not complete bed rest. She can climb the stairs, move about, but I’d like to see her spend more time sitting than standing.” She tipped her pen at Elizabeth. “And I am relieved you won’t be waiting on the hypocrites of this town and taking their crap anymore, Liz.”

Elizabeth flushed and looked away, wincing when she saw Jason’s frown. “I’ll continue to rest, I promise, Kelly.” She bit her lip. “We’re doing an ultrasound right? You said I could find out the gender.”

“Yup.” Kelly wheeled the machine over and smiled at her. “Nadine tells me your mommy senses are telling you this is a girl.”

“That’s…what I think, anyway.” Elizabeth shivered as Kelly spread the gel over her abdomen. “I’m not…I’m not showing much yet. Is…that okay?” She saw Jason’s eyes focus on her teeny bump—nothing more than a healthy Thanksgiving dinner might accomplish.

“Yep. You’re a tiny woman and first pregnancies take longer to show. Another month, you’ll wish you still had your waistline.” Kelly placed the ultrasound wand on her skin and tapped a few keys. “And…there’s your baby.” She twisted the screen towards them and started to point. “Here’s the head…the legs…and the arms…” She looked at Jason, and Elizabeth was relieved to see he was looking at the screen. “Sometimes fathers have a hard time finding some of the details, so don’t be afraid to tell me it looks like a blob.”

“No…No, I can…” Jason hesitated. “I can see what you pointed to.” He looked at Elizabeth and then back at the screen. “Do you know if Elizabeth is right…about the gender?”

“This is my favorite part of the job,” Kelly remarked with a smile. She pointed. “And this tells me you’re having a beautiful little girl.” She looked at Elizabeth. “Sometimes, a mom just knows, doesn’t she?”

A tear slid down her cheek, and Elizabeth leaned back against the table, her eyes closed. “I don’t know…I don’t know why I thought it was a girl, I just…” She sighed. “I just did.”

“I knew you were right,” Nadine said, reaching out to squeeze her hand. “I am so ridiculously excited about this, you know, baby girl clothes are so much more fun to shop for.” She blinked. “Not that a boy would have sucked, but I mean, the choices are just so much more prolific.” She literally bounced on her feet. “And just think of all the awesome color schemes for the nursery.”

Elizabeth hesitated and looked at Jason, who hadn’t said a word yet. His face was impassive, impossible to read. It had already been two full months since this business had started and Nadine had reminded her that in four and half months, her daughter was going to need a place to sleep.

She couldn’t keep putting off the conversation about tomorrow. She was a mother now, and just concentrating on today was no longer enough.

General Hospital: Waiting Area

Elizabeth saw her grandmother behind the nurse’s station as she and Jason walked in silence from Kelly’s office to the elevator where her guards were waiting. Audrey looked up and saw them, causing Elizabeth to sigh and wonder if the reprieve her grandmother had promised two months earlier was finally at end. Though Audrey had wanted to speak in person, she’d never contacted Elizabeth to arrange it, and Elizabeth certainly hadn’t been in a hurry to do so.

Audrey approached them, flicking a hesitant glance at Jason. “Darling…would you mind if we talked alone? Just a minute.” She looked at Jason more fully. “I can drive her home afterward if she needs it.”

Elizabeth bit her lip and looked at Jason. “You were meeting Emily for lunch anyway.” She touched his arm. “Cody and Dominic will make sure I get home all right. I’ll see you later.”

“Okay.” But Jason kept his eyes on them until the elevator doors open and he stepped inside.

“Let’s…have a seat.” Audrey put a hand on Elizabeth’s shoulder and directed her towards the waiting area and the sofas. “I…I know I haven’t been in touch since I learned about the baby.”

“I’m not surprised.” Elizabeth sat next to her grandmother. “I was actually relieved, because I had a lot of people yelling at me, so one less made my life much easier.”

Audrey nodded and twisted her hands together. “Which is precisely why I did not contact you after saying we would speak in person. I wasn’t sure what I would say or how to react in a way that would not hurt you or make you unhappy.” She paused. “You’ve lived in Port Charles for so long, and yet I don’t believe I’ve seen you stay happy for more than a few brief moments. You were so combative with your sister…” Her grandmother sighed. “And then you were…raped. You were happy with Lucky for a while, but then we thought he was dead.” She reached out to Elizabeth and took her hand. “And then you met Jason. And I don’t…altogether know the details, but you’d come in from seeing him or taking a ride on his bike, and you…”

Elizabeth blinked in surprise as her grandmother’s voice broke. “Gram…”

“Let me say this, Elizabeth. Please.” She squeezed Elizabeth’s hands. “You were lit up from inside. You were so happy, and after all the sorrow and the terrible events, that should have been enough for me, but I was just…so scared for you. I knew you might be in danger, but instead of talking to you rationally, instead of realizing you were an adult, I treated you like a child.” She reached out and tucked Elizabeth’s hair behind her ear. “And pushed you away.”

“I…always understood why people said what they did about Jason, why you, and Lt. Taggart told me I shouldn’t be friends with him,” Elizabeth said hesitantly. “And Gram, I’d be in denial if I said being with him, being friends with him…didn’t come without risks, but…the worst thing that ever happened to me…happened without him. I had my life torn apart because I walked in the park one night. Just being alive can be a risk. No one is ever safe all the time.”

“I know, I know.” Audrey sighed. “And I saw how sad you were when he left town, but I was just relieved. And when Lucky turned out to be alive, I thought you’d be happy again. But even though you told us you were, and even though you smiled like you were…you never lit up again the way you had when you were dating Lucky that first time or…seeing Jason.”

“I wanted to be happy,” Elizabeth told her. “I knew I should be. I had my miracle, and I tried so hard to go back to that dream, to that perfect memory of who Lucky and I were before the fire.” She looked down at her lap. “But he wasn’t the same boy, and I was…”

“In love with someone else,” Audrey concluded, her eyes filled with sorrow. “Which we could all forget when Jason didn’t live in Port Charles. I was so scared when he moved back last summer, because I knew…I knew you were finally going to let yourself be with him…”

“Gram, I—”

“I thought I had gotten my wish when you moved out in the fall, because this time you were fighting with him. You were upset, and you were hurt, but you were angry, too. I thought…” Audrey pursed her lips. “I thought you had seen him for who I thought he was, and you were done with him. And you started dating Ric who seemed so nice…” She paused. “But like with Lucky, you were only pretending. You haven’t been truly happy for more than few weeks, a few days, since Jason left town three years ago.”

A tear slid down Elizabeth’s cheek as she acknowledged the truth in that. “Pathetic, I know, all things considered.”

“So when I found out you were having a child, but it was with Jason, the man I’ve been trying to keep you from all this time…I realized that I could continue to contribute to your unhappiness,” Audrey said, “or I could support you. I wish I could have realized this sooner, because I know how difficult these last few months have been when they should have been the happiest.”

“Are you saying…” Elizabeth’s heart was pounding. She loved Nadine, but the nurse had only been in her life for a month. She’d lost Emily, Lucky and Nikolas were out of town, Jason was still hesitant at times…but Audrey…her grandmother had always been her rock. “Are you saying that you accept my choices?”

“I do,” Audrey nodded. “They are not the ones I would make, but it is not my life to live.” She put her hand under Elizabeth’s chin and tilted her granddaughter’s head up. “I just want you to light up again. I want to see you happy, and if having Jason Morgan in your life, and having a child with him is what it takes, then yes, I will not only accept it. I will support it.” Her lip curved up in a smile. “I’ll worry, but that’s just my job.”

Elizabeth leaned forward and wrapped her grandmother in a tight embrace. “You have no idea how much that means to me or how much I need you.”

“I love you so much, Elizabeth, even when you drive me insane.” Audrey leaned back to kiss Elizabeth’s cheek. “And maybe…because of it. You remind me so much of myself, you know. I was a hell raiser when I came here to annoy my sister, Lucille. I made bad choices, I walked away from people I loved, I drove your grandfather out of his mind before we both realized we were being stupid and avoiding the inevitable.”

“So what you’re saying,” Elizabeth said with a sly smirk, “is that you were me and Aunt Lucille was Sarah.”

“I don’t know if I’d go that far,” Audrey mused. “Lucille never did sleep with my boyfriend.” As if realizing what she’d said, her cheeks flushed and they broke into laughter. When that had subsided, Audrey laced her fingers through Elizabeth’s. “Now, tell me everything I need to know about my brand-new great-grandchild.”

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Jason would never be able to sit in this courtyard, in the hastily replaced chairs that Bobbie had just sighed and accepted…and not remember that Elizabeth had nearly been kidnapped. Since that day, he had not allowed her out of the penthouse without him. If she went to the store, he went with her. Even the double guards didn’t seem to be enough. If he couldn’t see her, then he didn’t know for sure she was safe.

He hated leaving her alone at the hospital even though he knew her afternoon guards, Cody and Dominic, would see her home safely—and he knew Cody would give his life before allowing Elizabeth to be hurt. He’d hoped to bring Elizabeth here for lunch, to show a united front to his sister so that Emily might stop…whatever she was doing to mess with Elizabeth’s head, but he had seen the expression on Audrey Hardy’s face and hoped she was going to offer Elizabeth the support she wanted.

He found his sister flipping through a journal and sipping iced tea. “Hey, Em.”

“Hey, stranger.” Emily stood and hugged her brother. “I’m glad you called.” She flicked her eyes around him. “You said you might bring Elizabeth.”

They sat down and Jason leaned back in his chair. “No…her grandmother wanted to talk to her at the hospital, so she told me to go ahead.” Jason hesitated, but knowing this conversation would be painful, but knowing that honesty was best. Though talking to Elizabeth when she first moved in had been difficult—it had been for the best. All the ugliness was in the open to deal with even if they hadn’t yet.

Sometimes it just good to know where a person stood.

“I know you and Elizabeth haven’t been getting along much,” Jason said after a moment. “I’m sorry if…I’ve contributed to it—”

“You haven’t,” Emily said swiftly. “It’s…It’s been building for months. You know, we used to be close.” She closed her journal and stared down at the cover. “But that came later, after she was…attacked. You didn’t know who she used to be, Jase. When she first moved to town, everyone called her Lizzie—”

“She hates that,” Jason said, but he saw that his sister ignored that.

“And Lizzie Webber was a hardcore bitch,” Emily told him. “If not for her rape and for Lucky, Lizzie would have grown up and made Carly look tame.”

Jason blinked and shook his head. “That’s…Emily, you know that’s not true. I knew Elizabeth a little before. You were friends with her, so I…kept an eye out. She was there the night Nikolas Cassadine was shot at Luke’s club, with her sister. And I remember she stole Ruby Anderson’s invitation to Sonny and Brenda’s wedding.”

“And she also tried to trick Nikolas and Sarah into thinking the other one wanted to have sex, and she framed Sarah for cheating—”

Jason held up a hand, still bewildered by his sister’s tirade. “Elizabeth was a teenager when she did those things. You…weren’t exactly innocent either—”

“You just don’t get it. I thought Elizabeth grew up. I thought she cared about other people, but…” Emily pursed her lips. “But clearly I was wrong. I remember the way she played you and Lucky against each other. If you hadn’t left town, it just would have continued. And then she slept with my boyfriend—”

Jason did not want to talk about Zander Smith or last summer. It was painful enough to watch Elizabeth rip herself apart over the mistake when he hadn’t held it against her nearly as much as she seemed to think. It had been agonizing to see them, to know that she had done that, but he knew it hadn’t meant anything to her, and she was so upset over hurting him that it no longer stung the way it once had.

But Emily hadn’t been here, and he didn’t understand why she was holding something against Elizabeth like this. “Emily, that doesn’t…you were still friends when you came home in March. Why did you suddenly turn on her when she got pregnant?”

“Seriously?” Emily raised an eyebrow. “Courtney’s my friend, too, Jase. Elizabeth told me she was pregnant and decided not to tell me it was your kid, and then freaked out on me when I dropped hints to Ric.”

Jason clenched his jaw, and tried to remember his sister was not in possession of all the information…but if not for Emily, none of this would have happened. “Yeah. I can see why Elizabeth might have kept you out of the loop about it if this is the way you’ve been treating her.”

Emily opened her mouth, “Jason…you don’t understand. She kept…saying things and giving me partial truths and I just…” She shook her head. “I wanted what was best for her. I wanted her to move on. If she had done that, then she wouldn’t have thrown herself at you and got pregnant—”

“First of all,” Jason cut in, leaning forward and pitching his voice low. “I don’t appreciate you telling Elizabeth I didn’t care about her last fall when she was living with me. I don’t appreciate you telling her that I was already seeing Courtney before Elizabeth left. Do you have any idea of the damage you caused?”

Emily leaned back in her chair and pressed her lips together in a mutinous line. “You just don’t understand, Jase. I was trying to protect you—”

“I do not need you to protect me from anyone, least of all Elizabeth. You were not here.” He stood. “I’m not in the mood for lunch. I wanted you to back off Elizabeth because you guys have been through so much. I remember how upset you were when you told me about Tom Baker and the photography studio, how scared she was when she realized who he was. I remember when we thought Lucky was dead, and how the two of you consoled each other. I remember that Elizabeth helped you hide a dead body for months. It might be convenient for you to forget all of that because Elizabeth made a mistake—that she was honest with you about, I might add—but I don’t get it. The stuff you’re holding on to? It’s nonsense.”

“Jase…” Emily got to her feet, wary. “I just… I love you so much—”

“Robin used to tell me that, too,” he said. “But the kind of love she had for me, the kind you clearly have…neither one of you seems to think I can handle my own life. That I can make my own decisions. Elizabeth is pregnant and between you and the rest of this self-righteous town, you had her blood pressure so high she needed bed rest. Do you get that, Emily?” Jason said, raising his voice for the first time. “So that you could feel the satisfaction of protecting me from her, you put her health and the baby at risk.”

“I…” Emily closed her mouth, looking worried. “I didn’t…think about that—”

“No, I didn’t think you did. I don’t give a damn what you or anyone says about me, but I do care that what you say to Elizabeth or about her. So if you love me as much as you say you do, you’ll knock it off.” He stepped towards his sister. “I love you, Emily, but I don’t like you very much right now.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth walked into the penthouse, and smiled over her shoulder at Cody, carrying her bags. They’d left Dominic downstairs in the parking garage because she was planning to be in for the rest of the night, which meant Cody could go on the door until Marco’s shift began. “I can carry those—”

“And have Jason catch me?” Cody snored. “Not on your life, Eliz—” He stopped when he saw Jason on the sofa with ledgers in his hands. He coughed. “Miss Webber.” He set her bags on the desk. “All clear, Jason. I’ll be on the door if you need me.”

“Thanks,” Jason stood and crossed to join her at the desk as Cody left. “Where’d you go after the hospital?”

“Gram asked me to lunch at the Grille,” Elizabeth said, tugging out some of the books. “And then she wanted to go shopping. I thought she meant for baby stuff, but my grandmother is nothing if not practical.” She held up a cooking book. “Beginner’s cookbooks because apparently, babies can’t subsist on brownies and takeout.”

She saw Jason smile at that, but was disappointed that his shoulders were tense. Still, she forged on. “So, she bought me some of these and then dragged me into the aisle of baby books so I could apparently clean them out on name books.” She unpacked the rest of her purchases, tucked the gift receipt in her jeans pocket and threw out the plastic bags from the store. “I was just so relieved she’s being supportive, I couldn’t argue.”

Jason took her books from her and led her over the couch. “Jason, I can carry the books. They’re not even that heavy. Kelly said I don’t need strict—”

He waited for her to sit before handing them back. “Is it worth having an argument you’re not going to win?”

“No,” Elizabeth sighed and flipped through the first pages of one of the cookbooks. “How…how did lunch with Emily go?”

“Ah…” Jason sighed and looked at the ceiling. “Not as well as I would have hoped. I wanted to reason with her, but that didn’t work, so I decided to take a page from Carly—”

“Oh…that cannot be good—”

“—and guilt her into being nicer to you,” he finished. “I told her that the way she’s been acting contributed to your forced bed rest. Which isn’t entirely true, because you didn’t go on the bed rest until after…” Jason shook his head. “But it’s true enough. She looked upset after that, so maybe she’ll knock it off.” He leaned back against the couch and looked at her. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Elizabeth murmured. “But you know…she loves you, Jason, and as much as you hate it, she wants to protect you from being hurt.” When his mouth tightened, she held up a hand. “I get it, that’s annoying to you because you think it means she doesn’t trust you to make your own decisions. But…” She shrugged and looked down at her book. “She just thinks she’s helping. Maybe…it’ll just…get better on its own.”

“You mean just ignore the problem and hope it goes away?” Jason asked, his eyebrows raised.

“It’s my patented life technique that almost never works, but…” Elizabeth hesitated. “She’s angry at me because of last summer. Zander’s not in town right now to mitigate her anger, and she thinks he left town because of me, but we both know he headed out after last fall because his dad showed up. She thinks I’m going to hurt you.” Staring down at instructions for cooking an omelet, Elizabeth bit her lip. “It’s not like she doesn’t have some history on her side.”

“Elizabeth, what’s between us is no one else’s business,” Jason began.

“Come on, that’s just not true.” She closed the book and leaned forward to set them on the table. “Jason, she’s your sister and until the last year, she was my best friend. She had a front row seat. Yes, we both know that I didn’t…mean to hurt you, that you weren’t angry at me, but she wasn’t there when we talked about these things. She thinks I’m the reason you left town last year, but you…” She paused. “I think you were already on your way out. I don’t…I don’t think I made you go.”

“No.” But he waited a moment. “I would have stayed a little longer, but after you…after that day in the park, I just moved up my departure.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth shook her head. “Anyway. I think Emily just needs…time. Maybe she and I will never be that close again, but I don’t know…” She twisted her fingers together and remembered that she wasn’t going to avoid talking about tomorrow anymore. “I guess….if the situation were what she thinks it is, I’d say that she’d learn to get past it because she knows how much you love Michael, and that having a child would be something you wanted. Except….” She took a deep breath and met his eyes, disconcerted that they seemed to be closed off to her. “That’s not…necessarily the situation we’re in.”

She hoped he would take the bait, hoped that he would say something, even if it was just to say they’d be in each other’s lives after this was over.

But he didn’t. Instead, he rubbed the back of his neck. “I don’t know what’s going to happen with Emily. Maybe you’re right, and she just needs time.”

Fine. She was going to have to be the brave one. Again. “Jason, what’s…going to happen after…Ric is dealt with?” she asked softly. “You told me we couldn’t change our minds because the Families are involved now. Won’t they be angry if they found out you…that we lied to them?”

“I…” Jason paused. “I guess I hadn’t really thought about it that way. I’ve been so focused on taking care of Ric and Faith…I guess I figured if they were out of the picture, the Families won’t care about this situation.”

Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. “You think they won’t care that you and Sonny asked them to use their resources on this child’s behalf after lying to them about the father?”

He closed his eyes. “You know there are things I can’t talk about—”

“Oh, God, Jason, that’s such a god damn cop out.” She got to her feet, her body tense. “You said that to me last fall, standing in this room. You told me there were things I couldn’t be told. Well, it wasn’t true then and it’s not true now. I am not asking for trade secrets or what you do when you go the warehouse or what you and Sonny talk about. I am talking about something that affects us personally, our possible safety. If the Families knew I was having Ric Lansing’s child, and that you and Sonny lied about it, even after Ric and Faith are dead, is that going to be an issue for you down the line?”

Jason blew out a slow breath before also rising to his feet. “I don’t know. I—Sonny wanted to involve them, I just said what I said to get Ric out of town. It wasn’t supposed to be this complicated.”

“Complicated.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. She was getting the picture. “Jason, I have been telling you from the start that we have to be honest with each other, but you’re just not getting it. So maybe it’s time I stop being vague. People think I’m having your child. And I’m not talking about your mother, my grandmother, our friends. I’m talking about men who see families as a target, as a point of weakness. I remember when Carly was dealing with them when Sonny was…gone…and they were harassing her, using what they thought was her grief and your weakness to push drugs through Port Charles. These are not men who are going to forgive a lie.”

“I…I get it.” Jason pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead. “I get that you don’t want your child in danger—”

“Jason, that’s not it.” Do not stamp your foot. She pressed her lips together and then tried again. “My child is in danger whether you’re her father or Ric is her father. You told me that they hated Ric and I’m sure they hate Faith Roscoe because she’s a woman. Do you think that we can just stop this when Ric and Faith are gone? Do you think that it’s going to be that easy? After putting guards on me, doubling them, putting me back in this penthouse?”

She jabbed a finger at him. “This is what happens all the time. You think it’s enough to walk away from me, as if people are just going to forget who I am. You walked away from me that first time, and it sure didn’t stop Sorel from badgering me or approaching me when you were gone. I was kidnapped because people saw us together, because they knew about our history.” She gestured toward the door. “You let me walk out of here last fall without a word, and didn’t seem to notice I was dating a psycho until he used Carly. It didn’t occur to you he was trying to use me to get to you.”

“Are…” Jason shook his head, irritated. “Are you actually blaming me for Ric, for getting you kidnapped? You told me you didn’t—”

“Sometimes I just want to scream,” Elizabeth muttered. She dragged her fingers through her hair and dipped her chin to the floor. “No. I am not blaming you for those things. But I do blame you for thinking that walking away is all it takes. You honestly think that after Ric and Faith are gone, I can just walk out this door, lose the guards and not have a problem. Is that what you’re hoping for?” she demanded. “That I’ll walk out of your life for good this time?”

“Why not?” Jason retorted. “You’ve never stayed before.”

“That…” Elizabeth fisted her hands at her side, her voice thick. “That is not fair. You left first, Jason. I begged you to stay, but you left anyway. And let’s talk about that day in April, where I finally have the courage to tell you I have feelings for you, that I care about you in a way I shouldn’t considering I was dating Lucky. And then you asked me to go. To leave with you.” When she saw him huff, she held out a hand as in protest. “But wait…that’s not true. You said I should go with you, or maybe not with you. It didn’t matter. Yeah, I was really supposed to walk away from my life on a maybe you’d be with me. How should I have trusted you?”

“Fine. I shouldn’t have asked you to leave with me. It was too soon and unfair. That’s clear,” Jason bit out. “But you walked out that door nine months ago and you never looked back—”

“All summer…” Elizabeth forced herself to take a deep breath. “You walked away from me. You took phone calls from Carly and left me for her. Every time she called, you were out the door. Do not tell me each and every one of those calls was an emergency you had to handle right there. I knew you cared about me, maybe you wanted to sleep with me, but I knew I didn’t rate above Sonny and Carly. And then you went and proved it—”

“I told you that Sonny and I were having issues—”

“I might actually scream this time.” Elizabeth stalked towards the kitchen. “I cannot keep saying the same things over and over again—”

Jason rounded the sofa and grabbed her elbow. “Damn it, Elizabeth, I told you I was sorry about not telling you about Sonny, about not coming home, not calling—”

“Now. Now you’ve explained it.” She yanked her arm away. “You have the nerve to stand there and tell me that I’ve never stayed before…well, Jason…you’ve never given me a reason to.”

Her heart pounding, she continued. “Even now, you’re doing everything you can to shove me out the door faster. Every time I bring up my child, you get this haunted look in your eyes, this trapped look, and I know what’s going to happen. Even after Ric and Faith are out of the picture, you’re going to look like that. Because you can’t let yourself for one minute forget that this baby is Ric’s. So don’t worry, Jason. The next time I walk out that door, it will be for good.”

She turned again, to go upstairs or to the kitchen, she was never sure, but Jason grabbed both her arms and whirled back to face him. She opened her mouth to protest, but he covered with his, all his anger and frustration pouring into her like a volcanic eruption. Startled, Elizabeth tried to draw back, but he just tightened his grip, almost as if he thought she had meant she was leaving right now.

Well, hell. She kissed him back, letting her own frustration and desire through. This time…she wasn’t stopping unless the building collapsed.

April 16, 2014

*Sigh* So you can skip the previews for If I Don’t Try With You, because somehow, I wrote 20 pages of the bloody thing today and finished it. This should be good news, but now it’s already like 7:30 and I’m going to eat dinner late. Again. Frick my life.

Anyways. If I Don’t Try With You is the true moment of transition from General Hospital to my alternate world, which rewrites the aftermath of Michael’s shooting in 2008. It’s both happy and dark at the same time, but I’m pretty damn excited about how it turned out. This is my last update for today. I swear.

Timeline

This begins directly after Michael was shot in the head on April 4, 2008. It’s a prequel in the Hand Me Down universe (which will one day contain the rewrite for Tangle). I wrote this in 2014. To the best of my recollection, Sonny had started handing over the reigns of the organization to Jason because Michael had been accidentally shot Kate and gone into hiding. He wanted to show off his new “straight” persona to Kate and brought them both to the warehouse.

On that same day, Claudia Zacchara had ordered a hit on Sonny after he’d locked her brother, Johnny, in an old insane asylum for weeks because Sonny thought Johnny had kidnapped Michael (who was really just hiding out from everyone after Kate’s shooting). She hired Ian Devlin, an associate who was also a new doctor at the hospital, but Ian’s bullet ricocheted, missing Sonny and hitting Michael.

Jason and Elizabeth were literally getting engaged at the exact same time. Their happy moment was interrupted by the call. Jason went to the hospital, and Elizabeth went to work. This story picks up pretty much there.

Inspiration

I always thought it was a shame that for such a devastating event, there were no true consequences. Michael woke up, Sonny and Carly received no real punishment for their actions that led to Claudia’s hit on Sonny, as if she was the only guilty party. In fact, the only true change as a result was Jason leaving Elizabeth. Bullshit to that.

Banner Here

1
Time touches my shore, broken up from the storm
Lost at sea, and then you found me

April 2008

She saw it in his face when he stepped through the door. The grief, the regret, and beneath those, the anger that this could happen to a boy he loved as a son.

Elizabeth Webber stood in front of the mantel, her hands clasped loosely in front of her. In the two days since that terrible phone call, since their engagement, she had been preparing for this fight.

This would be the last time she’d fight for them to be together. If she did not convince him today to let her stand by him, to take on the risks because the rewards were worth it, she had sworn to herself she would never ask again.

She only hoped she was strong enough to keep that promise.

Jason stood in front of her, his eyes tired, his clothes wrinkled. She wondered if he’d been eating or sleeping, if there was anyone looking out for him, as he looked out for Carly and the boys, for Sonny, and even, she suspected, for Jax.

Was there never anyone who would take care of him?

“Elizabeth,” he began in a low voice, as if the sound pained him. It ought to, since he was going to break their engagement.

“No.” Elizabeth lifted her chin. “I know why you’re here, and my answer is no.”

Jason hesitated, unsure what to say. “No…what?” He rubbed his eyes. “I can’t—”

“We don’t have the luxury of time right now, Jason. You have so much you need to be doing,” Elizabeth cut in. “And I won’t be one more person you need to take care of. You’re here because you think we should break our engagement, and my answer is no. I know what you’re going to say, but I don’t care—”

“I care.” His voice cracked and he turned away.

She sighed and stepped towards him, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her forehead against his back. “Jason, you need me, and I need you. I know what you’re going through—”

“I have watched Carly sob for hours,” Jason said, his body tense. “I can’t…I won’t do that with you, watch you cry over our boys—”

“Like I did when Jake was kidnapped?” Elizabeth murmured. “Or the fire that nearly killed all three of us?”

He turned and looked at her, the indecision in his eyes. She was making progress. “Elizabeth—”

“Jason, there are a thousand reasons a mother cries for her son, and not all of them are when they get hurt.” She raised her hand to his cheek, and he closed his eyes. “But they are going to get hurt. They’re going to get sick. And if I know you at all, I know that you already know why what happened to Michael happened, and you’re never going to let it happen again.”

“I can’t control everything—”

“No,” she murmured. “But you can make us safe as possible.” She slid her hands up his chest. “Jason, the little boy you love as a son is in the hospital, with little chance of waking up. Your best friend and her husband are wrecked. Your other best friend is probably going off the deep end. You need me, if only to make sure you’re not driving yourself into exhaustion.”

“I—”

“I’m not asking you to get married tomorrow, next week or even a month from now. I know that we have to table the future for a while. I’m not asking you to take an ad out in the newspaper.”

She felt some of the tension bleed from his body, and she thought…the tide might be turning. “I’m asking you to let me help. To see you through this. You need to concentrate on Sonny, because I know how he gets. So let me help Carly. I can take Cam and Jake to the penthouse, and I’m sure Morgan is with Bobbie. Let me take Morgan with me, so Bobbie can be with her daughter.”

He looked at her, and the anger and regret had faded. All that was left was the devastating grief. He’d lost Michael once, and it had nearly destroyed him, but this was different. This might be final.

Her fingers fisted in his shirt. “Jason, I love you. I just want to be here for you. Don’t push me away when you need me the most.”

“I should argue,” he said softly. “Something in me still says I should fight you, but I…” He closed his eyes, and still…a tear slid down his cheek. Her heart was aching for this man who so rarely showed any emotion. “It would be selfish.”

“It would be selfish to deny ourselves the chance to be happy when so many people never get the opportunity.” She paused. “Let’s take the boys to the penthouse, okay? Because I know you feel better if we’re behind bulletproof windows and guards. We’ll go to the hospital first, and check on Carly and Sonny. And if Carly says it’s okay, we’ll pick up Morgan from Bobbie and the boys from my grandmother. We’ll go be safe, so you can do what you need to do.”

Finally, Jason nodded. “All right. I can’t…” He shook his head. “I don’t know how to argue with you.” His hand cupped her cheek. “I don’t want to argue with you,” he continued. “I came here, knowing what I had to do, and hating it because the happiest I can remember being is the moment you said yes, and I didn’t want to let that go.”

She covered her hand with his. “Then we won’t. We’ll hold on to it, and maybe it will get us through this.”

2
Well, I can’t afford to throw my heart on the floor
I want to believe this is for real

Carly Jacks had finally exhausted herself of tears as she sat by her son’s bedside. She sat alone in the room, Jax having gone for some coffee. She didn’t need coffee to keep herself awake.

She thought she might never sleep again.

She wanted so badly to believe in a miracle, but she trusted Patrick. And she knew she could bring in all the surgeons in the world, but they were unlikely to disagree with his initial prognosis. She knew that some point soon, she may be signing an order to switch off the machines breathing for her son.

He looked so small, so innocent, lying there, with gauze covering the red hair he’d inherited from his grandmother. She’d wanted so many things for her little boy, had seen so many bright things in his future. He’d been her salvation, her reason for growing up—at least a little. And how had she repaid him? She’d been selfish. She’d dragged him from father to father, always hoping this one would be what they needed.

She’d given him to Sonny instead of Jason, and now here they were. Sitting in a hospital because the man she’d sacrificed so much for had taken their sweet little boy to a warehouse without guards, out in the open. Someone had tried to kill Sonny, and their son was collateral damage.

She should have stayed with Tony. Even AJ. Found Jax before. She should have taken Michael and run when Robin told the truth. She should have trusted Jason to find a way for them to stay a family.

With the beauty of hindsight, Carly could now see a thousand different things that would have been better than ever letting her son near Sonny Corinthos.

She heard the door open behind her, and light footsteps. She turned and blinked in confusion as Elizabeth Webber came towards her, dressed in a pair of jeans and a casual top. “Elizabeth?” Her voice cracked, rusty from her sobs.

“Hey. I…” Elizabeth hesitated. “I wanted to say I’m sorry, but I know it doesn’t…it doesn’t help or change anything.” She looked at Michael, her eyes heavy with sorrow. “I remember him as a baby in the garage Jason owned once. And seeing him at Bobbie’s brownstone.” She cleared her throat. “I know Morgan is with Bobbie, but I thought you might rather have her here.”

“I…would,” Carly admitted. “But Morgan—”

“I’m going to the penthouse with Cam and Jake,” Elizabeth said, setting her hand on Carly’s shoulder. “Because I know Jason feels better when we’re not out in the open, even if no one knows anything. I thought I might pick Morgan up, and take him with us. He’ll be safe with me, I promise. And then Bobbie can be with you.”

Carly licked her lips. There was something here, something she wasn’t wrapping her mind around but all she could see was Elizabeth, offering her a way to be with her mother. For her other son to be safe. “Cam’s…just a little younger than Morgan, isn’t he?”

“Six months or so. I think they’ll get along, and it’ll keep Cam occupied because Jake isn’t really old enough for him to play with yet.” Elizabeth cast her eyes back at Michael, and Carly followed her gaze. “Carly, if there’s anything I can do for you—”

“You love him,” Carly murmured. “Jason, I mean.” She looked at the brunette and none of the annoyance or irritation that had plagued their relationship for so long was present. “I never wanted to see that. I can’t remember why. It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“Carly—”

“But you love him, and he loves you.” Carly took a deep breath. “I’m useless to him right now, and God knows, Sonny is, too. But Jason needs someone to love him, to take care of him, because…” Her throat was tight, and those damn tears she’d thought she’d exhausted were choking her now. “Because he loved Michael so much, and I don’t know how he’s walking. I feel like if I stood up, I might fall and never get up again. I don’t know how he’s moving.”

“I love him,” Elizabeth admitted. “And I love him enough to take care of him, whether he wants it or not.”

“Good.” Carly closed her eyes. “I’ll call Mama and let her know you’re on your way. You’re right. I want her here more than anything in the world, and I know Morgan will be safe with you. He doesn’t…understand right now. Cam and Jake will be good distractions.”

“I’ll go let Jason know. He’ll probably stop in before we go. Carly…”

“I know.” Carly attempted a smile, but couldn’t make it. She watched Elizabeth walk to the door, and then looked back at her son.

She wanted a miracle, but she knew…
She knew better.

3
Cause the tears will be all mine if you walk away
Would you be fine?

Jason watched Elizabeth disappear into Carly’s room, and tried to remember exactly how this had happened. He had left the hospital, intent on setting Elizabeth free, on making her safe, and instead, she was in the thick of it even more. They were going to take the boys to the penthouse, where they would all stay with guards. There would be no turning back from this.

But as selfish as it felt to keep Elizabeth him, it kept him upright. He could get through today, because tonight, he would go home to his family. To his fiancée, to his sons, and his nephew. And he could find the strength to repeat the routine tomorrow.

“Where the hell have you been?” Sonny growled, rounding a corner and finding Jason leaning against the wall of Michael’s hospital room.

Jason straightened. “Taking care of a few things,” he said. “Sonny—”

“I hope Johnny Zacchara is one of them.” Sonny jabbed a finger at him. “He and his whole goddamn family are the reason my boy is in there.”

That might be true, but the real reason Michael lay near death was the lack of guards at the warehouse and Sonny’s neglect in sweeping the perimeter before allowing Michael and Kate near. For Sonny shielding Kate before thinking of Michael.

Elizabeth was right. He’d had nothing but time since the phone call to learn the details, and there wasn’t a man in the organization who didn’t know Sonny had screwed up.

“If they are, I’ll take care of it,” Jason said, trying to sound firm but he was just…exhausted to the bone. “But I’m not starting a war without proof. If we start with the Zaccharas and it’s not them, then we’re fighting on two fronts.”

“You need to—”

“You wanted out of the organization so you could be with Kate, so you could be a better father,” Jason interrupted, a swirl of anger spreading in his chest. “You don’t get to tell me what I need to do anymore.”

Sonny’s eyes bulged. “I made you what you are, Jason—”

“Yeah.” That much was true. Sonny had seen a young man who didn’t think about the future and had taken it away from him, without bothering to tell him. “You did. Now you have to live with it.”

The door opened, and Sonny cut off any argument he might have made next. He frowned when he saw Elizabeth step out. “What are you doing here?”

Elizabeth hesitated, but decided not to address Sonny’s question. She looked at Jason. “Carly’s calling Bobbie, we can pick up Morgan and my grandmother is expecting us.”

“What…” Looking at Jason, Sonny jabbed a finger in her direction. “This is what you were taking care of? Instead of my son?”

“I was taking care of your son,” Jason retorted. “But I have my own to worry about, Sonny. I have a family, too. And before anything else happens, I have to keep them safe.” He looked back at Elizabeth. “Is she expecting me?”

“I told her you might stop in.” Elizabeth folded her arms and stepped away from the door. “Go on and check with her. We should get the boys to the penthouse as soon as possible.”

Jason cast a warning glare at Sonny before disappearing into the room.

Elizabeth bit her lip. “Sonny…I am so sorry about Michael—”

“Why?” Sonny demanded. “You’re getting what you want. Jason’s taking care of you instead of looking after Michael—”

She closed her eyes, and tried to remember the grief, the anger Sonny must be feeling, even the guilt, but she just couldn’t do it. “He is taking care of Michael. And Morgan. We’re bringing Morgan to the penthouse so Bobbie can be here with Carly. So that Jason can concentrate on what needs to be done. Isn’t that what you want, Sonny? For Jason to focus?”

“I—” Sonny shook his head. “You’re just using this situation—”

“I don’t need to use anything,” Elizabeth cut in. “I love him, Sonny. And I know, apparently better than you, what this is doing to him. You think that Jason looks at the hospital bed and sees someone else’s child.” She pointed at the room. “It doesn’t matter what the legal papers say, what Michael calls him. To Jason, that will always be his son. So if it’s okay, I’m going to support him. He has one son lying in a hospital, so I’m going to take our boys to where he knows they’ll be safe. Because when they are safe, Jason will be able to breathe and find out what happened to Michael, without constantly worrying.”

“Michael is my son,” Sonny pressed a hand to his chest. “He’s not—”

“You used to be a better friend than that,” Elizabeth murmured. Her eyes burned for all that Jason had apparently lost. “I am so unbelievably sorry for what’s happened to Michael, because he’s a good little boy who deserves better, but I’m not going to do with this you.”

The door opened and Jason stepped out, tense and upset. He glanced at both of them before looking at Sonny. “I’m picking up Morgan and the boys, taking Elizabeth to the penthouse to get her settled in. And I’m meeting Spinelli and some of the other men at the warehouse so we can dig into this. You can come to that meeting, but it might be better if you stayed here with Carly and Jax.”

He held his hand out to Elizabeth, and she took it, feeling for the first time that they were in this together.

4
Cause it’ll bleed, it’ll hurt
It’ll take everything to say that I’m yours

It was past midnight when the elevators opened on the penthouse level. He turned the corner and found Milo on his door, exactly where he’d left him so many hours ago. “Milo. You should have switched with another guard.”

“We were waiting on Francis to come up from the island,” Milo said. “Once word spread that we were protecting Miss Webber and the boys, Francis wanted to be on her detail.” The corner of his mouth curved slightly. “He’s always liked her.”

“Oh.” His eyes felt gritty, but he was relieved Elizabeth had experience with guards, even it had been almost six years since she’d stayed with him. That they remembered her, particularly Francis, who had always guarded her, meant she would be safe.

As safe as anyone else in his world. “Anyone been by?”

“Not since you left, Boss. It’s been quiet since about eight.”

“Okay.” Jason pushed open the door and couldn’t help it…he smiled at the changes in the room since he’d left that morning, intent on pushing Elizabeth away. Instead, there were toys littering the floor. Not messy, but the evidence that three small boys had spent the afternoon here made him feel, for the first time, they could do this.

He started up the stairs, and peered into the first guest room to find Cameron and Morgan sharing a bed. Action figures were clutched in their hands, telling Jason that putting them to bed had been a serious negotiation. In the next guest room, he found Jake curled up in a portable crib, separate from the boys so that their rambunctious play wouldn’t wake the younger boy.

There were only two rooms left—the old room Spinelli had used and his own. His chest loosened, because he knew he’d find Elizabeth waiting for him in his bed, where he’d always wanted her to be, even all those years ago when she’d slept down the hall.

He pushed the door open, and frowned when he saw her sitting up in bed, the light at the side of the table switched on. She glanced up from her sketchpad and smiled, relief etched in her face. “Hey, you’re home.”

Home. He let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “You didn’t have to wait up.”

She smiled and set her sketchpad on the night table. “I was only going to wait another twenty minutes.”

After tugging off his shirt, jeans and boots, he crawled in next to her and drew her close. “I’m still not sure we made the right decision,” he admitted.

“I know.” She covered his heart with her hand. “But you also know there’s no turning back.”

“I do.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I know that I love you, so if there’s a way we can make this work, then I want to find it.”

“Good.” She tilted her head up and pressed a kiss to his mouth. “I called Epiphany and I can take off work for the rest of this week. We can talk about next week if it comes to it, but I’ll be here.”

He closed his eyes, breathed in her familiar vanilla scent and slept for the first time since learning Michael was shot.

5
It’ll sink deep into my heart
If you fall in love and fall right back out

Carly had thought the days Michael had been missing earlier that year had been long and torturous. She’d believed him dead once before, his death faked by the father Carly had spent Michael’s entire life forcing out. She’d grieved for him, she’d had a mental breakdown.

But now, sitting by this bed, Jax’s strong hand in hers, Carly felt hollow. Empty. As if she’d exhausted all her love, anguish and hatred, and now she was drifting in a sea of nothing.

“Should we…” Jax stopped and hesitated. “Should we talk about what the doctors are saying?”

She knew what he was asking. A week after Michael’s shooting, his situation hadn’t changed. It hadn’t worsened, but it hadn’t improved and Patrick Drake’s eyes were full of sympathy. He was expecting a child in the fall, so she knew he was thinking how he would feel in this situation.

She hoped like hell he would never know.

“I know we should,” Carly replied. “But I…” She looked at him, and she saw the raw grief in his eyes. And then she didn’t feel nothing anymore.

She felt too much. “I’m just not ready yet.”

“All right.” His fingers traced the back of her hand. “Elizabeth brought the boys by this morning. That’s why I went home, to let her in. She wanted Morgan to have some more clothes, some of his own toys.”

Morgan. Her sweet little boy. The only one she would have left. Carly exhaled. “How is he? Does he look all right?”

“He looks good. He showed Cam all his toys, and they were picking out which ones to take back to the penthouse.”

“I should see him,” Carly murmured. “But I’m afraid if I go near him right now, he’ll see everything I’m feeling. And he’s so little. He wouldn’t understand. He’s… not even five years old, Jax. How…how do I explain this to him?” She rubbed her eyes. “Where does he think I am? Or Michael?”

“Elizabeth told Morgan that Michael is sick and you’re taking care of him. She said anything else ought to come from us.”

“Okay.” Carly looked back at her son. “I haven’t seen Jason in a few days. Has he been by?”

“He checks in a few times a day,” Jax told her. “I think it’s difficult for him to see Michael like this and he’s doing what he can to keep Sonny on a leash.” He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and drew her closer. “He knows you’re not leaving Michael alone.”

“I think he asked Elizabeth to marry him,” Carly murmured. “Before this happened. Something changed. She’s taking care of my son like he was her own, living with her boys at the penthouse with guards. I’m glad. They made a lot of mistakes, most of them hers.” She felt Jax’s smile against her hair. “But I always knew she loved Jason first and best. I loved myself best, and so did Sonny. Jason should be first.”

“Carly…”

“I know what the doctors want me to do,” Carly said softly. “And I know I’ll have to decide soon, but for just a few days more, I want to have two sons in this world.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I never thought I’d have to say goodbye to one of them like this.”

6
It’ll crush, it’ll leave me blown away
But I’ll regret every single day

“We still don’t have proof.” The words felt empty, felt hollow. He’d been repeating them for over a week, but Sonny just didn’t want to listen. He wanted blood, he wanted retribution. He wanted justice.

It burned in Jason, because he wanted all that, too. He would step into that hallway, and look through the window of the room to see Michael lying there, to see Carly exhausted beyond measure. To go home, and see Elizabeth with their boys, with Morgan, and to picture one of them in that bed. Someone had to pay for Michael.

But justice could not be the only thing in front of him. He had to keep perspective. It could not be enough to make someone pay for Michael—he had to keep his family safe. All of them, even Sonny. He had to do this right the first time, because he would only get one try.

But Sonny wasn’t focused, hadn’t been in years. The man that had fought his way up the ranks through Frank Smith’s organization had lost the edge, the cunning that had led him to that place. Now, all that remained was the burning anger and desire for power.

“I don’t give a damn about proof,” Sonny growled. “We know what happened. The Zaccharas are a plague, and I want them dead—”

“I cannot afford to start a war we can’t win!” Jason cut in, feeling the desperate need to punch the wall in Sonny’s entry way. “There’s too much at stake. You have other children, Sonny, that we need to protect. Kristina and Morgan are important. I have children—”

Sonny dismissed the notion with a wave of his hand, and Jason’s eyes hazed with anger for a moment, as he realized that Sonny didn’t take him seriously about Cam and Jake, about his own family. As if not having been in their lives all along negated his love for them, his desire to keep them safe. “Sonny, I don’t want one of them to be next one in the hospital—”

“They will be if you don’t take care of Johnny Zacchara!” Sonny jabbed a finger at him. “I’ve begged for you over a year to take care of that punk—”

“He’s never been guilty of a single thing you’ve accused him of.” Jason fisted his hands. “You were sure he’d kidnapped Michael, arranged for Kate to be shot earlier this year. And if this is the Zaccharas, if it is Johnny, it’s fucking retribution for your mistakes!”

Sonny’s coal black eyes blazed. “You blaming me?” he hissed. “I was in the warehouse, Jason. My son’s blood was on my…” He trailed off as if realizing what he was saying.

“I don’t want to blame you.” Jason shook his head. “I don’t, but I can’t avoid it. You’re right. Michael’s blood is on your hands. You kidnapped Johnny Zacchara and held him in an abandoned insane asylum instead of looking for Michael. You left a gun where Michael could get it. You took him to the warehouse without guards. You shielded Kate before you even thought about Michael!”

“You blame me for what I did in a moment of terror and confusion?” Sonny demanded.
“You’re standing there and telling me you wouldn’t do the same for Elizabeth—”

“I wouldn’t have to,” Jason bit out. “Because she’s already be shielding our sons. But I wouldn’t have her in the warehouse, without security. Without precautions.” Without even realizing the thought was lurking in his head, he stepped forward. “So, tell me Sonny, if you want justice so damn much, then why don’t you look at yourself?”

“Get out,” Sonny said flatly. “You’re either with me or against me.”

7
If I don’t try with you
You’re worth the pain I’m going through

The flickering images of fire caught Elizabeth’s eye as she carried a basket of laundry into the living room. “Cam, Morgan. I thought you were watching cartoons.”

“We were, Mommy,” Cameron said, pouting at her. “This came on instead.”

Elizabeth set the basket on the coffee table and her breath caught when she saw the ticker at the bottom of the screen. Anthony Zacchara. She reached for the remote and raised the volume.

“…the PCPD is not willing to comment at this time, but the SUV at the center of this scandal was registered to John Zacchara, son of Anthony Zacchara. One source at the station states that they fear this is the beginning of a bloody mob war, in retaliation for the attempted murder of Michael Corinthos, III, son of Sonny Corinthos and nephew of Jason Morgan. We also have no official word on the body recovered at the scene, but it is reputed to be a member of the Zacchara family.”

“‘Lizabeth?” Morgan blinked and Elizabeth realized a moment too late that the two boys had heard everything. Thank God they were only four and three. “They said my daddy’s name.”

“Yes.” Elizabeth flicked the screen off and swallowed hard. “I…can you guys play upstairs for a little while? I have to make some calls.”

Cameron opened his mouth to argue, but, with a sinking heart, she knew that Morgan had understood more than his new friend. He had grown up around Sonny and Jason, and knew what fire and his father’s name on the news meant. Morgan silently started up the stairs, and confused, Cameron followed.

This was the life she was signing her boys up to, for any future children she and Jason brought into the world. A world where little boys knew the tone of a grown-up’s voice meant something dangerous or bad was happening. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. No. This was the world that Sonny had raised his children in.

Jason and Elizabeth could, and would, do better.

She lifted the phone and left a message for Jason. “I saw the report on the news. We’re okay here. I just wanted to check in, make sure you’re okay. Call me if you’re hurt or going to be late, or send someone who can tell me. I love you. Be safe.”

Her second call was to Jax, where she left another message. “This isn’t urgent, and I promise Morgan is okay. But he saw the report on the news. I don’t think he understood the words, but he knows something is wrong. Please let me know what I should say or not say. Take care of yourself, and Carly.”

8
I’ll give myself, give myself away
And I’ll take a step of faith

The only one way this moment could end was in bloodshed. Jason stood at the coffee shop, in Sonny’s office, standing off to the side as Claudia Zacchara pointed a gun at Sonny, who had one pointed at her. And the presence of a cop car outside the shop was the only reason no one had pulled a trigger.

“You son of a bitch,” Claudia hissed. “That was my brother’s car!”

“Kind of the point,” Sonny growled. “Just give me a reason, you fucking whore. Give me a reason.”

“Put down the damn guns!” Jason said through clenched teeth. “This is the last thing we need—”

“Your wacko boss tried to kill my brother. He’s lucky he only got my father.” Claudia’s finger tightened on her gun, but Jason knew the mob princess had incredible control and would only shoot if she meant it. “He blew up my father!”

“You killed my son!”

“He’s not dead yet!” Jason shot back. He crossed to Sonny’s side. “Sonny, put down the damn gun or I will shoot you myself, and I’m the only one bright enough to have silencer.”

“You siding with this trash?” Sonny demanded. “She’s responsible for everything.”

“She very well may be,” Jason snarled. “But this isn’t the time or place to deal with this, and you would have known that once.” He looked to Claudia. “Back away, Claudia. Back away, and leave.”

“You get this son of a bitch under control.” Claudia took a careful step back, never taking her eyes off Sonny. “If he goes for my brother, if he succeeds in harming a single hair on John’s head, there will be no saving him from my wrath. I will ruin him.” She flicked her eyes to Jason, briefly. “And if you don’t control him, I won’t stop at ruining everything he loves. I’ll go for you and yours, as well.”

And Jason believed her. He nodded. “Understood. But likewise. You come after my family, including Carly and her kids, I will take great pleasure in removing the Zaccharas from this world. Slowly. Leave.”

She smirked. “I actually believe you, Morgan.” And with that, Claudia disappeared down the hall.

Sonny started to follow her, but Jason, pushed past the point of no return, grabbed the wrist of the hand holding the gun, and twisted it. Sonny went to his knees, and the gun clattered to the floor.

“You get me now?” Jason growled, wishing he could tear Sonny’s arm from the socket. “You get it? You pissed off one of the most dangerous and lethal women we’ve come up against since Faith Roscoe. Claudia’s fucking crazy and you went after her brother without disabling her first. You dumb son of a bitch!”

He released Sonny, and Sonny collapsed on the floor. He raised his head, and his eyes were dark with anger. “You’re a fucking traitor, Jason—”

“You’re going to get us all killed. It’s not enough that Michael is going to die?” Jason demanded, his low but fierce. “You have to take the rest of us? If that had been Johnny in that car, Sonny, she would have gone after the people we love most. She would have gone for Kate, Carly. The kids. Elizabeth. You think because she’s a woman, she’s not dangerous?”

“I can take care of her—”

“You’ve just proven you’re not capable of rational thought.” Jason stepped away. “I’m putting guards on you, and from now on, you won’t be allowed to step past your home or the hospital. You’re finished in this business, Sonny. I’m not going to let you put anyone else I love at risk. Not ever again.”

9
The emptiness in me, from the wreckage of my dreams
All alone – were you rescuing?

Johnny Zacchara sat in his father’s chair at his father’s desk in his father’s study in his father’s house. Everything in Johnny’s life had centered around his father, and now his father had died instead of him.

He’d once thought he’d feel nothing but freedom if Anthony Zacchara had been removed from this world, but instead, he just felt a choking sense of reality. Anthony was gone. Claudia was out of control, because they both knew the bomb had been meant for him. Sonny Corinthos had gone after him, and Claudia would raze the city to the ground before she’d allow Johnny to pay for her crimes.

The terrace door swung open and Johnny looked up to see Jason Morgan standing there. Fucking guards. Not worth a damn.

“You here to kill me?”

“No.” Jason stepped forward, and Johnny saw the exhaustion behind the hard lines of his face. He’d always felt bad for Sonny’s enforcer—the aging mobster was a fucking lunatic, and it was usually Jason’s job to talk him down.

But everyone knew there would be no talking Sonny Corinthos down this time.

“And why do I deserve to live?” Johnny asked, leaning back in his chair.

“I’m not sure you do.” Jason’s face remained impassive. “I want someone to pay for what happened to Michael, and I’m almost sure that someone from your family was behind the hit on Sonny.”

“Not like he’s made many friends elsewhere, you know,” Johnny pointed out. “If it wasn’t us, it could have been the Ruizes. Someone looking for payback for Alcazar. Or Roscoe. Or Sorel. Or Moreno, or any of the dozen people you and Corinthos have taken out since you took over the territory. I’m a convenient target.”

“Which is why you’re not dead.” The unspoken yet hung between them. “But your sister doesn’t fight fair, and if I come for you, I have to take her into account. There’s too much at stake.”

Johnny nodded, because he was aware that Jason Morgan was living with a single mother, with two children, one of whom was rumored to the biological son of the man standing in front him. Sonny had two other children at risk. “And you can understand that I don’t particularly wish to die. So, you’re in charge now, like I suppose I am. What makes you think I can control Claudia any more than you can control Sonny?”

“The fact that Claudia defends you with deadly force is why I know if the hit came from the Zaccharas, it came from her. And she did it to avenge you. For all the bullshit Sonny put you through when he locked you in a padded room.”

Johnny kept his breathing even, trying not to remember those days. “Well, he might have been asking for it, but Michael sure wasn’t, and as crazy as my sister is, she doesn’t go for collateral damage first.”

“I’m going to lose a member of my family,” Jason said. “Whether he dies tomorrow, or next week, or next year, Michael’s not coming out this. You’ve lost a father. This is a one-time deal, Johnny. You get your sister out of the country and if she steps foot back in the United States, there won’t be a rock she can hide beneath.”

“And you and I call a truce?” Johnny arched a brow. “Don’t get me wrong, Morgan. You, I take at your word. Your former boss?”

“It won’t be easy,” Jason admitted. “I can control Sonny to a point, but he’s going to come after you. And the next time, he’s not going to use a car bomb. He’s going to come personally. I’d be ready if I were you.”

And in that moment, Johnny understood the terms of the deal. He had this one opportunity to save his sister from herself, and in return, all he had to do was kill Sonny Corinthos so that Jason Morgan, his organization, and his family would be safe. Luckily for him, it was likely to be in self-defense. He exhaled slowly, and understood he was crossing that point of no return. Once he agreed, he could never again pretend he wasn’t his father’s son.
“We’ve got a deal.”

10
Will you take apart this man, leave your shadow in the sand
Or be a shelter and my way home?

Two weeks since the call that her son was in the emergency room.

No miracle had arrived.

Carly sat in Patrick Drake’s office, alone. She had thought of calling Jax, but she knew his feelings on the subject. He had been patient with her, but they’d known for days this was coming. She had considered Sonny, but since Anthony Zacchara’s fiery death the week before, he’d been in a dark place, rarely leaving Greystone Manor. She had also rejected the idea of Jason sitting beside her, because she had leaned on him enough.

Michael was her son, and it was her decisions that led to this moment, so it had to be her decision to stop it.

“I wish I had better news, Carly,” Patrick said. “It’s not even that he’s in an irreversible coma, where there’s brain function. Michael has experienced what neurologists call…” He cleared his throat and dipped his head.

“Brain death,” Carly murmured “I…know. It’s what you said that first day. And the second. And the fifth. And on Monday. And yesterday.” Her eyes felt swollen, her body was numb, and she almost felt as though she was floating above this all.

“Carly—”

“I just…I hoped for a miracle,” she murmured. “Not that I deserve one, I guess. But Michael does. He deserves all the love and happiness I can give him, but I gave him none of that. I gave him bitterness, anger, pain, confusion. I delivered him into a world that killed him.” She focused on him. “You’re having a child.”

Patrick hesitated and nodded. “Yes.”

“Boy or girl?” Carly asked.

“Ah…we haven’t…Robin wants it to be a surprise.” He shifted in his seat. “Carly—”

“Becoming a parent is almost deceptively easy, you know.” She blinked and felt a stray tear slide down her cheek. “A few extra drinks one night, the wrong guy, a room above Jake’s, and a baby is made. But…being a parent…it’s so much harder. Everything you do has a consequence. If I had stayed home that night and slept with the man I was actually living with, Michael would have been Anthony Jones, Jr. Tony would have had the second child he wanted so much. I never would have fallen in love with Sonny. And that little boy, Anthony…he’d be alive today.” Her eyes burned. “If I ran when Tony found out he wasn’t the father, and never gone to Jason, I could have spared Jason the pain of loving and losing Michael. If I hadn’t slept with Sonny, maybe I could have made my marriage to AJ work. All these ways I could have saved my son, Patrick, and I chose none of them.”

“Carly, do you want me to call someone?” He leaned forward and she smiled at him now, because he was a good person who would be a good father, but he didn’t know what to say to her.

“I used to think AJ Quartermaine was the worst choice to be a father to my child, but he was merely an alcoholic, and most of the time he was a recovering one. Maybe if I meant my marriage vows, not chased after Jason…we would have had a life. He never would have kidnapped Michael and faked his death. He did that, you know, because I stole Michael first. I stole his chance to be a father, so he just stole it back.”

Patrick exhaled slowly, and tapped his pen against his notepad. Not impatiently, but uncomfortably, but the words were spilling from her lips now and she wasn’t sure she could stop them.

“So, it’s almost fair, isn’t it? That I don’t get to be Michael’s mother anymore.” Carly tilted her head back and closed her eyes, and felt despair begin to slide through the numbness in her body. The burning in her eyes became hot tears. “I mean, maybe Michael…he’ll see AJ. And Alan, Emily, and Lila. All these people who loved him, but I never let him know. And they’ll take care of him better than I did.” She closed her eyes. “Do you think that’s possible? That I’ll let my little boy go in peace, and his family will take care of him in Heaven? Because…he’s just…a baby, really. I d-don’t want him to be alone in death.”

“I…” And she saw Patrick swallow hard, his own eyes glossy. “Carly, if there’s any justice in this world, no child…no person is ever alone in death. I think the people who went first will be there take care of him. I’m sure Emily will be waiting to take him under her wing. She won’t let him be scared.”

Carly nodded, and took a deep bracing breath. “Thank you. Thank you, Patrick. That’s…what’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. Give me the paperwork.”

11
But the tears will be all mine if you walk away
Would you be fine?

In a conference room, Patrick at her side, Carly sat in front of the three men she loved most in the world. Jason, her best friend; Sonny, the father of her children; and Jax, her soul mate. She had gathered them here in this strange room because she thought that it might be easier to tell them.

Patrick cleared his throat. “I’ve discussed the options with Carly almost daily since Michael was brought in last week.” He met her eyes and she nodded for him to continue. “At her request, we continued to keep Michael on life support, hoping that one of the tests we’ve run daily for two weeks would show a change.”

“And they haven’t.” Jax’s hoarse voice filled the room, the sound almost echoing off the walls.

“But they still could.” Sonny leaned forward. “They said Jason would never wake up, never have any functioning life—” At his side, Carly saw Jason close his eyes, because Sonny was not going to accept this easily.

“I know the case you’re referring to,” Patrick said. “And it’s…different. Jason Quartermaine was considered in an irreversible coma, that is true. But he had brain function. The doubt in his case lay with the area that showed the damage. It is extremely rare for any patient to wake up from those types of injuries without serious drawbacks.” He looked at Jason, who looked resigned. “Which is why Jason Quartermaine isn’t with us today. You know, better than anyone, Jason, what I mean when I say that an irreversible coma is not the same thing as what Michael is going through.”

“Why is he even here?” Sonny shot back from the table and glared at Jason. Carly rubbed her forehead with the heel of her hand, because she’d expected this. She’d known, almost from the moment this had happened that the relationship between the two men had been fractured, and it appeared…it had been shattered entirely.

“You’re nothing to Michael,” her ex-husband continued. “You’re not his father, or even his stepfather—”

“I asked Jason to be here because he loves Michael,” Carly cut in, unsurprised that it was always someone else’s job to reign in Sonny and not his own. “He had nothing to do with my decision. Just as neither you nor Jax were privy to it. I am Michael’s mother. Jason was his uncle. Biologically and in every other way that matters. In fact, Sonny, I didn’t really want you here, but Jax thought you ought to be.”

Sonny glared at her. “So you blame me like everyone else?”

“Is this really the time, Corinthos?” Jax asked, resigned. No heat in his words, just the same sheer exhaustion Carly felt, that she could see written all over Jason’s face. “Can we just finish this?”

“As I was saying,” Patrick said, and she felt sorry for this man, who was almost a friend sometimes, being subjected to the insanity of her family. “Michael is not in an irreversible coma. He is brain dead—”

Sonny dismissed his words with a wave of his hand. “We’ll get another doctor—”

“Patrick is the best in his field.” Carly shot to her feet. “But he gave me the names of other doctors, and we sent over his case. They all agree. Michael is brain dead. Brain death is…not something people come back from. There’s nothing left of my little boy, except a machine that keeps his chest rising and falling. What made him who he was…it’s already gone, Sonny. I want to let him rest in peace. I don’t want him on machines when there is no hope. I’ve waited for a miracle, Sonny, and you know what? We’re not going to get one. This is the price I have to pay for letting you anywhere near my baby.”

She flicked her eyes to Jason, who was ashen and staring at the table. “Jason, I don’t blame you. And I’m not saying that bringing Michael into this world was the reason this happened. He lived with you, in this world, for an entire year and he was safe, happy and calm. I’m blaming this entirely on Sonny and the way he lives his life. No regard for collateral damage. Act now, act later, never think. Never ask questions.”

Jason just closed his eyes. “Carly—”

“I do not blame you,” she repeated. She took a deep bracing breath and looked into the eyes of her ex-husband, the father of her children. “I blame you, Sonny. I blame myself. I trusted you to keep him safe, and you took him to a place of violence without taking any of the security precautions we’d had in place his entire life. And he’s paying the price. It should have been you. I wish to God it was you.”

Sonny narrowed his eyes and then left the room, without another word.

“As Patrick has been kindly trying to explain for the benefit of people who just don’t care to listen to reality,” Carly continued, “‘I signed paperwork to stop the machines. In an hour, we’re going to turn off the machines, his organs are going to be donated, and I’m going to let my little boy go in peace.” Her shoulders started to shake, and she slowly slid back into her chair. “For the first time in Michael’s life, I’m going to think of him rather than myself, and I’m going to let him go.”

After a moment of silence, Jax cleared his throat. “Patrick, thank you for everything you’ve done. I know…that you did all that you could.”

Patrick closed his file. “I’ll…be there in the operating room when the machines…” He cleared his throat. “I’m just…sorry.” He rose and left the room.

Carly dragged her fingers through her hair and looked at Jason. “I called Elizabeth. She’s having her grandmother stay with the boys at the penthouse. I want…you to have her here. Jax and I have each other, but you need…someone, too.” She hesitated. “Jason, I want you to promise me something.”

Jason finally lifted his eyes to hers and if she’d any tears left, they would have begun again for the devastation in them. “What?” his voice was almost inaudible.

“You hold your boys close to you every day for the rest of your life,” she said softly. “Never take a single moment with them for granted. You hold Elizabeth and your family close. I do not, and will never, blame you for what happened to Michael, because it would not have happened if you were his father. Cam and Jake are going to be safe with you, because you were always better at this life than Sonny. So promise me, that you’ll love your sons with every breath you have and keep them with you. Don’t push them away.”

Jason nodded and placed his hands on the table, slowly rose to his feet and left the room.
Jax also rose, but rounded the table to lean against the edge next to her. “Carly, I know this was a difficult decision…”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” she murmured. She raised her eyes to him. “When I really sat down and thought about it, I was keeping him alive for me. And once I knew that, letting him go was almost easy. Because I love him too much to see him like that. He’s already gone, Jax. And I have to learn to live with that.”

12
Cause it’ll bleed, it’ll hurt
It’ll take everything to say that I’m yours

Nadine Crowell sighed with sadness as she took Michael Corinthos III’s vitals for the last time in his short life. She blinked when the door opened and Leyla Mir poked her head in. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Leyla entered the room, standing away from the bed, near the bathroom. “Is it true? I heard at the nurse’s station…”

“His mother signed the paperwork.” Nadine wrote down the last number down from the machine, and then squeezed Michael’s hand. “Go be in peace, Michael. And I hope Heaven is filled with video games, candy and…everyone else who loves you.” She stepped back from the bed and joined Leyla at the door. “I hate when it’s kids.”

“Well, then you ought not to work in pediatrics,” Leyla murmured with a sympathetic smile. “Let’s go. I’m sure his family—”

The door slammed open, and Sonny Corinthos stormed in. Leyla and Nadine both jumped and started to edge toward the door, but Sonny was blocking the way. He stood there for a moment, his face twisted with anger and violence simmering beneath the surface. He jabbed a finger at the bed. “Johnny Zacchara is going to pay for this, Michael. I promise you that.”
And then he turned and left as abruptly as he’d entered.

“Nadine…do you think…”

Nadine sighed. “Should I…call the police? Because Johnny Zacchara is gonna need them.”

“Better to just send the ambulance now,” Leyla said, nodding in agreement. They left the room, and Nadine hesitated just a shade longer than she should have to call the PCPD, who promised to forward her concern to the Crimson Pointe department.

No one willingly got involved in a mob war without thinking it through a dozen times.

It’ll sink deep into my heart
If you fall in love and fall right back out

Jason stood in Michael’s hospital room, staring down at the form lying there. He could feel Elizabeth standing behind him, her arm wound through his, her fingers laced through his. “I can go,” she murmured.

“No.” Though she was slight and he could probably pick her up with one arm around her waist, her strength in his moment was all that was keeping him upright. “I can’t…” He closed his eyes. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“He always knew you loved him,” Elizabeth murmured. “Always. From the moment you held him. You know that.”

“I wanted him to be safe. I wanted him to be free to make his own choices, to belong to himself.” The vise around his chest squeezed. “But I failed him.”

“I remember the first time I came to the garage you owned all those years ago, after Lucky had moved in,” Elizabeth said. “You were sitting on a bike, maybe you’d just fixed it, and Michael was in your arms, holding a wrench with the biggest smile on his face. And I wanted to paint that.” She pressed her forehead against his arm. “I don’t know the words to get you through this, Jason.”

“I don’t think there are any.” He stepped back and cleared his throat. “I’ll get Carly.”

14
It’ll crush, it’ll leave me blown away
But I’ll regret every single day

Carly sat in the surgical waiting room. She had signed all the paperwork, said her goodbyes, and now, surrounded by her family, she waited for Patrick to return from the operating room where Michael’s organs had been harvested.

He’d been a kind little boy, an amazing older brother, so she knew he’d approve of helping others. Some child would receive his heart, another his liver, still more his kidneys and lungs, and even his eyes. Her son would live on in others, and that was best she could make out of this tragedy. Sonny had never come back, and she no longer cared. After this was over, she would do whatever it took to make Michael’s siblings safe from their father. She would get Morgan away for good, and she’d help Alexis and Kristina be free as well. No child would ever pay for Sonny’s choices again.

The door slid open, and Carly felt Jax and Bobbie tense on either side of her. She saw Jason sit up across the room, his hand in Elizabeth’s tightening.

Patrick stepped in, dressed in his surgical scrubs and cleared his throat. “Michael…passed away at 4:05. And his organs are en route to the people who need them. I’m…” He looked at Carly, and just shook his head. “I’m so sorry.”

She now existed in a world where Michael did not. Her son was no longer breathing.
She would never see his mischievous smile again. He would never be older than ten years old. He should have turned eleven after Christmas, but instead, he would never be a teenager. He’d never drive a car. Kiss a girl.

She would never know what he would have done for a career, if he would fall in love or have children.

Michael, the reason she had grown up and tried to be a better person…he was gone. A decision that, five hours ago, had seemed simple and right, now seemed like the worst.
She was as responsible for his death as his father was.

15
If I don’t try with you
You’re worth the pain I’m going through

Johnny waited in his study, his gun clenched in his hand on the desk. A source at the hospital had informed him earlier that day him that Michael Corinthos was being removed from life support that day.

And ten minutes ago, they’d confirmed the little boy’s death.

He’d had Claudia tied up, gagged, and put on the flight to Rome shortly after Jason’s nocturnal visit. She’d been furious, but in the end, Claudia understood that as long as she remained out of the country, Johnny was safe from Jason Morgan.

As long as he held up his end of the deal.

The scuffle in the entry way was Johnny’s only warning. He rose to his feet, and extended his hand, the gun pointing at the doors.

When Sonny Corinthos strode in, his gun out but not pointing at him, Johnny did not wait for him to fire first. If Sonny shot first, Johnny might end up dead. That wasn’t the deal, and Johnny didn’t really feel like dying for something that hadn’t been his fault.

So he fired first. He fired twice, both to the chest. Sonny managed one wild shot, but he went down.

And Johnny stood over Sonny Corinthos after kicking the man’s gun away, and watched the older man as he slowly bled out. “I could shoot you in the head,” the Zacchara heir mused. “But you know, that would be too quick. And you don’t deserve it.”

He crouched next to him. “But you should know…before you die…that you were almost right.”

Sonny’s eyes bulged, and he opened his mouth. Blood trickled from the corner. “You…killed my son.”

“No.” Johnny tilted his head. “No. I didn’t. I didn’t even try to kill you. But my sister…she did.”

Sonny coughed. “Jason…will…”

“Don’t be so sure. He and I have an understanding.” He leaned closer and hissed in the dying man’s ear. “You brought this on yourself, you bastard. You made my life a living hell when I did nothing to you. You have made everyone around you live in fear of the next time you lost control. The world is going to be a better place without you, Sonny Corinthos, and it is my pleasure to make it so.”

For the first time in John Anthony Zacchara’s life, he embraced being his father’s son.

And then Sonny’s chest stopped rising. He died, just after four in the afternoon, and later Johnny would note, with some irony, that Sonny and Michael had left the world almost at the same time.

When he was satisfied that Sonny was dead, Johnny took Sonny’s gun, and emptied the clip into the wall, into the furniture, carefully wiped the prints, and then arranged it so it was if Sonny had dropped it as he fell to the ground.

He had killed Sonny Corinthos in self-defense, but he didn’t want the cops to know he’d merely been waiting to do so. He could hear the sirens in the distance. Too little, too late.

16
I’ll give myself, give myself away
And take a step of faith

Elizabeth, with Spinelli’s help, took Jason’s cell phone from him. She promised him that she wouldn’t take any calls, that she would only allow Spinelli to do so, but tonight, he was going to let the world go.

She’d asked him if they should track down Sonny, but he only shook his head. She asked if they should bring the boys home from Audrey’s, but he’d said it was better for them to be there a little longer. If Audrey didn’t mind, they’d pick them up in the morning.

So she sent Spinelli to bunk up in his old room, because she knew he was worried for his mentor. And she curled up with Jason on the couch. She left the television on, wanting him to feel as though he could lose himself in his own mind and she’d be occupied.

But the news broke into the documentary she’d been ignoring, and they both sat up.

“The Crimson Pointe Police Department are confirming that Sonny Corinthos was killed tonight. While they aren’t releasing specific details, we can also confirm that Corinthos received the news that his son was being removed from life support today, and that someone witnessed him issuing a threat to John Zacchara, an alleged rival of the alleged mafia don. The police were unable to arrive in time, as John Zacchara shot and killed Sonny Corinthos, in what sources claim appears to be a clean-cut case of self-defense.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and pressed her face into Jason’s chest, wondering how many more hits he could take, that Carly could take. To lose Sonny and Michael on the same day. And then she frowned. She drew back. “You knew he’d go for Johnny.”

Jason didn’t met her eyes, but only stared straight ahead.

“Jason…” She didn’t want to ask the question, but she thought she really ought to. That he should know she understood what his business entailed, that her head wasn’t stuck in the sand.

He drew in a shaky breath. “I knew he would go for Johnny. Which is why I warned Johnny to be ready.” He dipped his head and closed his eyes. “Because we were never going to be safe otherwise.”

And she knew it was the only answer she would receive. She even understood it—she’d watched Sonny spiral out of control these past few weeks, and she knew, somewhere inside, she’d thought it would end this way.

But for all the pain and devastation Sonny had brought to his family, she knew that Jason also remembered the man who’d taught him about loyalty and honor. He’d once told her that he learned half of everything he knew from Robin Scorpio, and the other half from Sonny Corinthos. She’d laughed, and said that was why he wasn’t like anyone else.

And he had, in a way, arranged for that man to die so that Sonny’s children, so that their family would be safe.

She tightened her grip around his waist, and rested her cheek against his shoulder. She had promised him once, years ago, that her face would not change.

And she was relieved to know she’d been telling the truth.

She knew the worst of him, and her love shined even more brightly for the sacrifice he’d made.

17
But the tears will be all mine if you walk away
Would you be fine?

“…The police were unable to arrive in time, as John Zacchara shot and killed Sonny Corinthos, in what sources claim appears to be a clean-cut case of self-defense.”

Carly heard the news report from her position, lying prone on her bed, staring at the ceiling. She was in her own home for the first time since Michael’s shooting, and less than hour after she’d arrived home, she heard the report on the television Jax had switched on to fill the silence.

She raised herself up on her elbows and found Jax seated at the edge of the bed, watching it as well. He twisted and looked at her, his face as ravaged as her own.

She lay back down and stared at the ceiling again. Maybe…one day she’d feel grief for Sonny, for the man he’d been once, for the man she loved enough to give her son to, to give him a second son. But today, she could only find the room to grieve for the son she’d lost because of him.

They were free now.

18
Cause it’ll bleed, it’ll hurt
It’ll take everything to say that I’m yours

Elizabeth stood next to Jason at the edge of a burial site. Today was the first time many had seen them out together, though most knew they were living together. News of Jake’s paternity had slowly filtered through the ranks, she wasn’t sure if someone had told or perhaps people had only been willing to believe her lies at Jason’s trial if she stayed away from him.

Or maybe no one had ever really believed them.

They had buried Michael that morning, and now this, afternoon, they were the only mourners at Sonny Corinthos’ burial.

Almost three weeks earlier, they had stood in his penthouse with smiles on their face, ready to embark on the next phase of their life—finally together, finally free, finally a family. She’d fought for that dream, to preserve it in the wake of Michael’s death, of Sonny’s murder. She knew there would be always be people who wondered how she could justify her decision to bring her sons into that world just as it claimed another child.

But as always, those people did not know Jason Morgan. They had never cared to look past the surface to find the generous heart underneath. She loved him not despite his job, but maybe even because of it. He’d begun working for Sonny when he didn’t know much about himself, before he could appreciate which his choices would cost him. And he’d remained loyal to Sonny, to that man he’d been once. The man who had looked at her with sad eyes when she apologized for what everyone said about Lucky’s death, because it was her fault. She’d told him to light the candles. The man who had hired a guard to watch out for her when Jason was gone.

That man had disappeared somewhere along the line and she grieved for his loss, wondering how they had missed it. And she didn’t think it was a betrayal of that man for Jason to have taken the actions he had, and it was that man to whom he owed that unswerving loyalty. Not the man who died in a hail of gunfire.

Elizabeth would stand next to Jason for the rest of their lives, raise their children together. She would even bring more children into the world with him, if that was in the cards. Because she knew who he was, inside and out, and she loved every inch of him.

19
It’ll sink deep into my heart
If you fall in love and fall right back out

Elizabeth stepped inside the penthouse, exhausted from a long shift and ready to put her feet up. She’d had lunch with Robin and Patrick, and was enjoying watching her friends deal with Robin’s pregnancy. Patrick was so clueless, and trying like hell to stay one step ahead of his hormonal girlfriend.

She smiled when she saw Cam and Jake in the large space between the desk and the sofa, surrounded by action figures, trains, cars and a motorcycle. Life went on, despite the worst of tragedies. Today was marked the one month anniversary of Sonny and Michael’s deaths, and slowly, everyone else was putting the pieces back together.

Carly and Jax were still drifting, she knew there were days Michael’s mother could not summon the strength to leave her bed, but she hoped that would change eventually. That Carly would find her inner resilience. Jax had thrown himself into being Morgan’s father, as the little boy began to understand that something dreadful had happened.

Johnny had been charged in Sonny’s murder, despite the evidence of self-defense. Scott Baldwin had insisted on it. He’d missed his chance to nail Sonny Corinthos, but he wasn’t going to miss another mobster. He’d somehow managed to get jurisdiction, despite Sonny having died outside the city limits. Elizabeth was sure Ric would set Johnny free—he didn’t deserve to go to jail for doing what everyone knew had to be done.

Jason was struggling. He was in charge now, without a doubt. He was no longer the back-up or the stand-in, but the boss of an organization he’d never wanted. But he knew, from his last attempt to leave the business, that it was better for him to be in charge than someone else who didn’t operate with any honor. He was still quiet, even withdrawn at times, but Jake and Cam kept him from being too sad. Cam had turned four the first week of May, Jake had turned one a week later, and she was so relieved they could share those moments together.

Jason emerged from the kitchen, a bottle of water in his hand. “Hey. You look tired.”

“Ugh. I had fill in for a nurse in peds today. I think all the children in the world today vomited on me.” She wrinkled her nose and accepted the water. “But luckily, I’m used to it, because the boys enjoy doing it to me, too, when they’re sick.”

Jason grinned then, and she lightly whacked him. “It’s not nice to laugh at my pain.”

He just shook his head and sat on the arm of the sofa. “Lucky came by today.”

Elizabeth paused in the act of twisting the top from her water. “Oh?” Lucky had been angry initially at her decision, and they hadn’t spoken since the day he learned she was moving in with Jason, and that he would no longer be Jake’s father. “Is…did you need Diane?”

“No.” Jason hesitated. “He came to tell me that he was going to sign over rights to Jake. That we didn’t need to fight over it. He saw us at the birthday party in the park. And…” He looked away. “He said that he could see we were a family, and as much as he hated it, he knew that I would take care of the boys. Because he remembered me with Michael before the fire. He told me that Sonny was the cause of most of the problems, and while he didn’t relish the thought of Cam and Jake growing up in this life, he thought…they’d be safer with me.”

Elizabeth frowned. “That…almost sounds like the Lucky I knew a long time ago. I wonder what’s changed in just a month.”

“He said he and Sam are still dating, and he thought it was for the best if we didn’t try shared custody. That if we just all went our separate ways, we could…move on.”

Elizabeth nodded, her heart sad for her ex-husband and old friend. “He loves her, but he doesn’t think she’ll ever love him the way she loved you, so he’s making sure you don’t have to be in each other’s life. He’s not going to fight us changing Jake’s birth certificate.”

“And he never adopted Cameron,” Jason continued, “so he told me not to make the same mistake. So…if that’s what you want.”

“What do you want?” Elizabeth leaned into him, standing between his legs. “I know you’ll love Cam regardless of paperwork. I said that to Lucky, too. Paper doesn’t make a family.”

“No,” Jason nodded. “But the law wouldn’t recognize him as my son if we don’t do it this way. And I don’t want him to grow up and ever feel like I didn’t love him enough. So…I’ll ask Diane to start setting it up.”

She smiled and kissed him, believing that this time they were going to get it right.

It’ll crush, it’ll leave me blown away
But I’ll regret every single day

20
If I don’t try with you
You’re worth the pain I’m going through

“That’s so awesome!” Cameron stood on tips of his toes, straining to see over the wrought iron lining the balcony. He poked Morgan in the shoulder and pointed up. “It had so many colors.”

“Be careful!” Elizabeth called from the doorway, a glass of iced tea in her hand. She smiled at Jason, who had Jake in his arms. She knew the fireworks didn’t take the same shapes for him due to his accident, but he could still see the colors, and Jake’s eyes were glued on them, in studied concentration. Just like his father.

After another moment, Jason set Jake on his feet, and fourteen-month-old rushed toward his brother and his new cousin. Elizabeth frowned, but she logically knew that the iron was solid and too tall for them to climb over.

“Relax. I had someone reinforce it after you moved in.” Jason wrapped his arms around her waist, and she leaned against him, remembering the last time they’d stood here like this, the morning after they’d conceived their beautiful little boy.

“Did you ever think, that morning we were out here,” Elizabeth said softly, tilting her head up so she could look at him, “that we would be here like this?”

“No,” Jason admitted, “but I think that’s because I never thought I’d be able to be with you like that again. I thought we’d just have that one moment. That’d you walk out of here, and we’d go back to our lives.”

“I tried,” Elizabeth sighed. “But you ruined me for an ordinary life.” His mouth curved into a slight grin, and she laughed. Leaning up with her free hand to brush her fingers against his jaw. “Or maybe you did that all those years ago in my studio. When you looked at me and told me there was no word for what you felt for me.”

He took his hands from her waist and slid his hand into his pocket. When he withdrew it, he reached for that hand and she felt cool metal slip over her finger. She glanced down and saw a flawless diamond on her finger. “Jason…”

“I am so…” He exhaled slowly. “There aren’t words, Elizabeth. I tried to push you away, but you knew better. You knew that we needed each other. That I needed you and the boys. I asked you to marry me all those months ago, and tried to take it back. You wouldn’t let me.”

“You asked me to share your life,” Elizabeth murmured. “I figured that meant the good and the bad. What kind of coward would I be if I’d let you walk away when it got tough?”

“So, I’m going to ask you to keep the promise you made that day. To marry me, to share my life, to raise our family. There still aren’t words for how I feel, Elizabeth, so I guess I’ll settle for saying I love you.”

She closed her eyes, and let the beauty of the moment slide over her. For so long, she’d had to bury her dreams of them, bury her love, and her fantasies, but he was standing here, making them come true.

“And like I told you that day…” She opened her eyes, her lips curved into a smile. “There is nothing I want more than to share forever with you. To raise our sons, maybe have more children. You know how I love to talk, but like you, I’ve never found the words to describe what I feel. I look at you, Jason, and I see the rest of my life, and so much reflected back. So, I guess I’ll have to settle for saying I love you, too.”

He leaned down and kissed her. Above their heads, the sky exploded into shimmering clouds of white, red, gold, purple, green and all the other colors of the spectrum, as the Port Charles Fourth of July fireworks finale seemed to celebrate the beginning of the rest of their lives.

I’ll give myself, give myself away
And take a step of faith

Had a major breakthrough on my international law paper, so I celebrated by writing fanfiction and then I thought you guys should benefit from my good day, so I’ve posted a plethora of previews! Additionally, I’ve rewritten the code for the previews page so that you can click on which preview you want (instead of an archive of all the posts on one page). Today’s previews come from: If I Don’t Try With You, the Liason prequel to Hand Me Down; snippets of Chapter Four of These Small Hours; and three snippets from three different chapters of A Few Words Too Many. I hope you enjoy them!

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