And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight
– Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

Thursday, February 3, 2000

Harborview Towers: Parking Garage

Jason switched off his bike and sat for a long moment. He needed to check in with Sonny, and then hopefully Elizabeth had already gone to bed so he wouldn’t have look at her. She knew what he’d gone to do, of course, but if he could just go to bed, hold her, and then tomorrow, wake up and never talk about Joseph Sorel again—

He dragged himself into the elevator, relieved that security had dialed back to the skeleton crew and that there was no one on duty in front of the penthouses. The fewer people he had to see, the easier it would be for all of them if the body ever surfaced.

It wouldn’t, but it was always good to plan for worst case scenarios.

Sonny had waited up, nursing a tumbler of bourbon. He glanced over and Jason stopped, taking in the strange sense of having lived this moment before.

His partner was sitting in the chair by the fireplace, the liquor in his hand, his hair slightly disheveled, and Jason returning from taking care of business. Just like that night in December.

Except he didn’t have to look at the stairs, didn’t have to worry about what he’d see. Elizabeth was safe across the hall in his bed, and Jason intended to keep it that way.

“Is it done?” Sonny asked, skimming his eyes over Jason’s form. “You’re good?”

“Yes,” Jason said shortly. “It’s done.”

“Good.” Sonny got to his feet, tossed back the last of the bourbon. “Go home. We can talk about everything else tomorrow.”

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

The room was dark. He could barely see the outline of Elizabeth in bed, resting on her side, one hand draped over the edge. He went into the bathroom, dumped everything he was wearing into the trash, and turned on the shower. There was nothing on him — it hadn’t been that kind of kill, but it still felt like it lingered on his skin and he wouldn’t bring that to her. And he didn’t want her touching anything he’d been wearing.

He’d done what was necessary to protect his family, and he would never regret it. That didn’t mean he wanted to dwell on what he’d had to do.

Jason stepped beneath the spray, only dimly registering it might be a bit too hot. He didn’t always feel temperature well, but he felt the sting against his skin.

He didn’t hear the shower door open, but he heard the hiss. “Are you trying to boil yourself?”

Jason winced, then turned, thinking Elizabeth would just be standing outside the door, holding it open to check on him. His eyes widened when he realized she’d shed her clothes and closed herself into the shower with him, the spray already dampening her hair, slicking it back her head. He muttered, twisting the knob to turn down the hot water. “What—”

“I heard you come home.” She smiled as the water turned cooler. “Thanks—”

“Elizabeth—”

The smile turned a bit nervous as she stood there, and he stayed at the other end of the shower, still not quite sure what she was doing or why. Didn’t she realize where he’d been? What he’d done? Why hadn’t she waited in bed—

Elizabeth bit her lip, then a light came into her eyes that he knew all too well. Determination. She’d folded her arms over her torso, shielding her upper body from him as the discomfort had set in. She let them fall to the side as she closed the short distance between them, the steam and water swirling around them. “I heard you come in,” she repeated, her eyes on him. “I tried to wait up.”

“You shouldn’t have,” he murmured, barely audible over the water, but he couldn’t help him. He trailed his fingers down her shoulders, sliding easily with the slickness of the water.

“I was worried,” she admitted. “And I also knew—” She glanced at the side of the shower, the steam clouding the clear glass. “I saw your clothes in the trash. I thought you might be hurt.”

“I’m not.” He kissed her forehead, then trailed his mouth down her skin to her mouth. “Go back to bed. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“You don’t need to do this.” Elizabeth framed his face with hers. “I know who you are.”

“You can’t—”

“And I know where you were.” Her eyes searched his. “It’s over, isn’t it? We’re safe.”

“You’re safe.” For now. Until his choices made a thousand years ago put her in danger again.

“Good.” She slid her arms around his neck, pressing her slick body against his and he groaned, letting his forehead drop to rest against hers. “I know who you are,” she said again. “And I won’t run from it. My face won’t change.”

Jason raised his head, saw the sincerity, the plea to believe her and man, he wanted to. He wanted to believe that this time it was different. That she wasn’t Robin, who had tolerated the other part of him, or Carly who had just wanted the money and power. That here was someone who really did see and understand him. Who wanted him anyway.

He kissed her, slowly and reverently, hoping that it was true, that she really meant it. “Let’s go to bed—”

“Actually—” Elizabeth drew back, her eyes gleaming and her smile turning slightly wicked. “Why don’t we stay right where we are?”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

They slept late the next morning — not that there was much sleep to be had. Jason knew Sonny would call for him eventually, but right now, the morning was theirs. Elizabeth had an evening class and was planning to head to the studio that afternoon, but for now—

He handed her a cup of hot chocolate just the way she liked it, including sprinkles and she beamed at him, curled up in the corner of the sofa. “You really do pay attention.”

Jason sat, his simpler cup of black coffee in hand, and drew her legs over his lap, wanting to be closer to her, needing the contact. “It helps that Emily takes it the same,” he admitted.

“Yeah, I started it. It works great when we’re together. Three packs split two ways.” Elizabeth sipped it, closing her eyes. “Perfect.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. He nearly stayed silent, not wanting to rock the boat. Things were good just the way they were, and he didn’t want to think about anyone else outside this room. But he couldn’t pretend.

“Yesterday,” Jason said, slowly, and looked at her. She raised her brows, her hands cupped around her mug. “You said I wasn’t ready to talk about why I don’t want to tell Sonny or AJ about the baby.”

She exhaled slowly, and some of the light left her eyes. He regretted it, but as long as they didn’t have this conversation, it would sit between them. And she might honestly not want it to mess things up — but it would. He’d learned the hard way from Robin that words left unsaid were worse than the ones that you screamed at each other. Those unspoken words burned like acid at the foundation of everything you wanted, and you wouldn’t even realize it until everything collapsed.

He wouldn’t do it again. He’d never forgive himself if keeping this secret somehow cost him this time with Elizabeth, for however long she’d stay with him. He wasn’t willing to lose a minute of it if he could stop it.

“I did,” Elizabeth said finally. She drew her legs out of his lap, folded them underneath her body, then reached to set the hot chocolate on the table.

“It sounded like you think you know why I’m doing it,” Jason continued, twisting slightly until they were facing each other. “And that it’s not what I’m saying out loud. You think I’m lying to you.”

“No,” Elizabeth said with a forceful shake of her head. “I don’t think you’re lying. You’d never lie to me.”

“Then—”

“Maybe it’s more accurate to say that I’m worried—” She drew her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down as if what she was going to say was so painful she needed to hurt herself first to take the sting out of it. “I’m worried that you’re really protecting Carly. I know it’s about protecting Michael, and I understand that, but he’s barely two. He won’t be called into court to be asked which parent he wants to live with. He won’t even know most of it is happening—”

“Kids know more than we think—”

“I know. I know they do,” Elizabeth assured. “And I know it’ll be upsetting if he loses one of his parents full-time. Whatever else Carly has done in her life, I know she loves Michael. And as much as it hurts you to think about, you know AJ does, too. He’ll know people are angry, but he’ll still feel the love. And I don’t know if it’s a good idea to make this kind of decision because a little boy will be confused for a while.”

Jason exhaled slowly, then looked away, staring at the opposite wall as he took in her words.  Was it really just Michael he was protecting? Or was there some small piece of him that instinctively wanted to shield Carly even after all she’d done to him?

And if that was true—if it really was just Carly he was protecting—what did that say about him? That he was willing to to hurt others to keep Carly happy? To do her bidding and keep her secrets? He’d done it to Robin, hadn’t he? But that was different, he reminded himself. He’d done that to keep Michael. He’d have done anything to keep that precious boy all to himself.

“I’m not telling you what you’re feeling or thinking. I’m sorry if that’s how it sounded. I know you hate that,” Elizabeth added, and he swung his head back. “I think saying that I think there’s more to this for you — maybe that’s my own fears creeping out, you know?”

“Your fears?” he repeated, with a frown. “What—”

“I’m scared you’re really just protecting Carly,” she admitted in a small voice. “That you’ve been doing it so long you don’t know how to stop. Or maybe it’s…you told me weeks ago you didn’t think you were still in love with her, but maybe it’s just how you want to feel—”

He scowled. “Don’t—”

“I’m sorry, that’s me—” Elizabeth closed her eyes, her expression twisted, and he wished he hadn’t started this. “That’s me again. I’m afraid that’s how you feel.”

He  didn’t really see how it was any different. “If it’s what you think, then you think I lied—”

“God, I wish it were that black and white,” Elizabeth muttered. She dragged a hand through hair, then covered her mouth. “It’s—it’s—look, the day we got married, I told you that it was all okay—what happened at the church and what Carly said. I told you I was fine because you hadn’t broken any promises to me. I meant that, Jason. But you saw that as much as I meant it, there was a piece of me that didn’t. Because—” Her voice faltered and she stared down at her hand. At the ring he’d slipped on her finger. “Because until she came in, I forgot for a while why we were there. Which seems insane, I guess, but Father Coates was asking us to repeat the vows, and it didn’t feel like a lie.”

“It didn’t for me either,” Jason told her, and she smiled faintly.

“But then Carly came in and it was like someone popped a bubble and I fell to the ground. Two weeks before we got married, you sat in my studio and told another woman you loved her.”

He exhaled slowly. “I thought I did. That seeing her with Sonny had hurt so much because I loved her. It made sense. But I couldn’t have loved her. It wasn’t real—”

“Jason—”

“It wasn’t,” Jason insisted. “Because all she ever did was hurt me, and all I ever did was clean up after her and wait for the next round. I loved Michael,” he continued. “And I destroyed everything else in my life to keep him. I wanted him back. And the only way to get him back was to keep Carly in my life. You know how easy it is to lie to yourself, Elizabeth. Is it so hard to believe I was doing it, too?”

“No, I guess not,” she admitted.

“I was hurt because of Sonny,” Jason continued, “and I felt like an idiot because everyone had told me who Carly was. I thought I knew who she was. And I was still blindsided by what she could do. Because to give up on Carly—” He closed his eyes and forced out the next words. “It’s giving up on Michael. I know he’ll never be mine again, but I can’t stop wanting it. I can’t stop loving him. I don’t know how.”

She didn’t say anything to that, and Jason just sat, absorbing it, realizing the truth in his own words. If he kept Carly happy, he was still holding out some kernel of hope that it would be different. That Michael could be his again. Why did he have to keep learning over and over again that Michael wasn’t his to keep and never had been?

“Okay,” Elizabeth said softly. “That’s enough for me.”

Jason frowned, looked at her with confusion. “What?”

“I know how much it hurt to lose him. How much it still hurts. I lost Lucky,” she reminded him, “and I know it’s not the same because maybe it’s worse to lose someone and watch them go off and live a life without you. Michael won’t remember the year he spent with you. For him, it won’t have happened. You get to grieve that for as long you need to, Jason. You let me grieve without limits.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. “It’s not the same,” he echoed. “And your grieving didn’t hurt anyone.”

“Except myself,” Elizabeth said with a half smile. “But you gave me the space I needed to realize that, and I’m on the other side. I see a future now, and that wasn’t true six months ago.”

And he could see that she meant that. She’d pushed him to examine why he was really keeping Carly’s secret, and now, she was content with what she’d learned. She’d keep this secret for him—one she didn’t agree with—and respect his choices.

His mistakes.

But she was right. What AJ had asked of him—it wasn’t Jason’s to give. And Sonny didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark. Jason had the answer he said he’d been waiting for. It was time to make a choice.

The right one.

Jason got to his feet, put down his coffee cup. He held out his hand, and confused, Elizabeth took it. He pulled her to his feet. “Thank you,” Jason told her, kissing the inside of her palm. “For trying to understand. But you’re right. It doesn’t matter why I’m doing it, I am still protecting Carly. And she doesn’t deserve it. She never has.”

“Okay—”

“Come with me.”

Jason waited for her to slip on a pair of shoes, then pulled her across the hall and then he knocked on Sonny’s door. A moment later, it was pulled open by the man himself, who frowned at the two of them. “What—”

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

Quartermaine Estate: Family Room

Carly picked at the remains of the breakfast table, her appetite all but absent. Something strange was in the air, she thought. AJ had been quiet the last few days, and the family seemed to be shiftier than usual.

Were they planning something, she wondered? Or was AJ getting cold feet? The last thing she needed was AJ to have an attack of conscience.

She broke a piece of bacon in half, nibbled, then tossed it away. Everything made her feel sick right now. She needed some fresh air.

Carly jerked open the door to the terrace and stumbled out towards the railing, letting the fresh, bitter cold wash over her. God. Why was she so nervous? AJ might have doubts and second thoughts, but he’d made the announcement, hadn’t he?

And Jason loved Michael enough to protect him. To protect the life Carly was trying to give him.

Why did she feel like everything was about to fall apart?

+19

All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say
And it won’t matter now
Whatever happens will be
Though the air speaks of all we’ll never be
It won’t trouble me
– All I Want, Toad the Wet Sprocket

Wednesday, February 2, 2000

Corinthos & Morgan: Office

Jason scribbled his name at the bottom of a contract, then shoved it into a pile that he intended to dump on the secretary’s desk on his way out. He’d come in this morning to make it look like everything was normal. Like he wasn’t planning to go to the Blue Moon tonight and end the Sorel problem once and for all, but it wasn’t easy to put it out of his mind. He had hours to go before he could—

“Yo—” There was a light knock, and Jason glanced up to find one of the guards in the open doorway. “Uh, AJ Quartermaine is insisting on talking to you. We can kick him out, but I thought I’d check—”

His stomach churned, but Jason got to his feet. There couldn’t be a lot of reasons the Quartermaine scion would be demanding to talk to him. Had AJ realized he might not be the baby’s father? It was one thing to let things drift until Carly’s paternity test, but—

“I’ll take care of it,” he told the guard.

AJ stepped over the threshold and closed the door. They stared at one another for a long moment, then finally he spoke. “I know that I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life. Most of which you don’t even remember. There’s no reason for either of us trust each other after this last year.”

Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. This wasn’t quite the approach he’d expected, so he remained silent.

“I married Carly knowing exactly who she is and what she’s capable of. This was the same woman who drugged me into thinking I was drinking again,” AJ said. Jason kept his face blank, but the reminder of the incident stung. He’d known what Carly had done, but he’d accepted it as part of Carly’s life before Michael. Now, it showed a pattern of being willing to destroy people who’d never hurt her to get what she wanted.

He should have seen it as a lesson to be learned.

“I knew she was in love with you,” AJ continued, “and that there was a chance whatever was going on with you two would continue. I know it has.” His eyes burned into Jason’s. “I deserve the life I have with Carly, and it was always a price I was willing to pay to have Michael. You know that. You were willing to pay it, too.”

“What’s the point of all of this?” Jason interrupted. “Why are you here?”

“Whatever Carly’s faults—and there are many—she’s a good mother. I don’t want Michael to lose what we have. I can live with Carly. And I know you’ve moved on.” AJ swallowed hard. “You’re building a future that doesn’t include her. You took my son for over a year without asking and lied about it. I’m at least giving you the choice.”

Jason furrowed his brow. This was a strange conversation for them to be having—how could AJ sound so convinced? “What—”

“Don’t bother.” AJ held up a hand and Jason closed his mouth. “Carly and I weren’t sleeping together at the point she got pregnant. There’s no chance this is my baby. I hoped that the infidelity clause in the prenuptial agreement would be harsh enough, but I guess Carly can’t help herself. I don’t even know if it’d hold up in family court, and I’m not willing to chance it. I don’t want Michael to be used like a weapon. He’s already spent too much of his life in the middle of all of this.”

“Look—”

“I don’t deserve him. Or any other kids. I don’t deserve anything. For what I did to you. To my family, to the other people that I’ve hurt.” AJ pressed a hand against his chest. “I deserve Carly, okay? But Michael should have his family. I’m asking you to let him have it. I will be a good father, and if you want to be an uncle, I can live with that. I promise. I just—”

“AJ—” Jason stopped. He didn’t know what to say to this impassioned plea from a man who had clearly thought through everything.

“And, you know, maybe we can come clean later. I don’t know. I just—I’m asking you for this. To keep quiet. Do you want to deal with Carly for the rest of your life?” AJ pressed. “Michael will be dragged into court, but so will Elizabeth. You and me, we’ve got enough bad blood. Neither of them deserve it.” He cleared his throat. “You don’t have to decide right now. It’s a lot to ask, and you should think it over.”

Quartermaine Estate: Family Room

Bobbie had thought often about what she was going to do. She’d been pushing the wrong people, she knew that. Putting pressure on Elizabeth when it wasn’t remotely her fight—and the way Elizabeth had looked the last time they’d discussed it, Bobbie had decided to stop. Jason had a right to walk away from Carly and everything that came with her. He had a right to a future.

But that didn’t mean Bobbie was ready to let this go. She couldn’t look the other way while her daughter continued to ruin lives, repeating all the mistakes that Bobbie had in her youth.

“Mama.” Carly’s expression was wary as she stepped into the room where Bobbie was waiting. She closed the doors, leaning against them. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“And this will be the last time,” Bobbie said softly. Carly flinched. “I’m sorry. I am. But I can’t do this anymore. You and I both know that’s not AJ’s child—”

“You don’t—”

“I forgave you for Tony,” Bobbie said, and Carly closed her mouth. “I looked past everything you did to hurt me because, God knows, I was never innocent. I lied, cheated, and stole to get what I wanted, and the only person who ever really got hurt was myself. I wanted better for you. I wanted you to have what I didn’t. So I forgave you. But you haven’t changed. You’re still lying, still cheating, and still stealing what doesn’t belong to you.”

Carly’s eyes burned with tears, but she lifted her chin. “So you’re turning your back on me. Because I’m not living my life the way you want me to—”

“I will miss my grandson,” Bobbie said, and her heart twisted. Oh, God. “But I can’t sit by and watch this. You were willing to sacrifice me to get what you wanted. To put Elizabeth in jail. You would have watched us both get destroyed to punish Jason. I don’t matter to you. No one matters to you but yourself.”

“That’s not true. Mama, please—” Carly’s voice  broke. “Please.”

“I have watched you use Michael since the moment he was conceived, and now you have another child to use as a pawn. You’re good at making people believe in you for a while.” Bobbie went to the door and gently steered Carly away so she could open it. “Tony saw who you really were. So did Jason. And now it’s my turn. Goodbye.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“And he just left it like that.” Elizabeth curled up on the sofa, her eyes wide as she watched Jason at the window on the other side of the fireplace. His expression was troubled, and she knew what was rolling around in his head.

He’d wanted to wait until the paternity test, but now he knew. There was no chance AJ was the father. The time to make a decision was now.

But she swallowed those words. She’d meant what she’d said when they’d first learned about the baby. This was Jason’s choice. For better or for worse. His mistake. She’d made a promise to respect his choices, even when she thought he was wrong. She wouldn’t break it.

“Yeah. He wanted me to think about it.” Jason turned to her, but his expression was hard to read. “What do you think?”

“About what AJ said?” Elizabeth shrugged. “I think, whatever he’s done in the past, he showed a lot of courage in at least facing you head on.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And he’s not wrong about what the future is going to hold. A lot of time in court for everyone. Carly’s going to go down swinging. Sonny will be dragged into all of that, too.”  She shifted. “But Carly knew what she signed—”

“She was desperate,” Jason interrupted. “She knew the Quartermaines would pay off anyone in court—”

Elizabeth closed her mouth. And just like that — as soon as Elizabeth had begun to criticize Carly, Jason had shut her down. When push came to shove, Jason was still going to defend Carly.

It didn’t matter that he was right. That Carly had likely felt a measure of desperation, but it was of her own making. And he still wasn’t willing to see that Carly had created her own misery and had no problem sharing it with the rest of the world. For all that he talked about moving on and not loving her, it was hard to believe it. Not when he constantly rose up to defend her. “Okay.”

Jason waited, but she remained silent. He furrowed his brows. “Is that all you think?”

“It doesn’t really matter what I think,” she said carefully. “This is your decision.”

“But I’m asking you.”

Elizabeth sighed, then got to her feet. She was tired, and she knew Jason was supposed to be out on business most of the night. She really just wanted to go to bed and never talk about Carly or her children again.

“Okay. Fine. But you asked for it. What AJ wants from you isn’t yours to give,” she said bluntly, and he blinked at that. “He’s asking you not to destroy his family because he thinks you’re going to want, at the very least, joint custody of this baby he’s already told the world is his. If the family finds out it’s not, he’ll feel pressured to divorce her. That’s his problem, and I don’t feel sorry for him. He knew what he was doing when he married her. And the only reason AJ’s even bothering to cover for Carly is because he thinks it’s yours.”

“I—”

“Because it’s karma for him after you lied about Michael. He gets a little credit for asking permission, but if he knew it was Sonny’s, this wouldn’t be a conversation and you know that. You want my blessing to tell AJ you’ll keep quiet, and I’m not going to give it.”

Jason’s face tightened. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” Elizabeth said, wishing she’d kept her own mouth shut at this point, “that whatever you or I feel about Sonny right now, I don’t know that he’s done anything to deserve being kept in the dark. But this isn’t my problem. It’s not my secret. I think you’re wrong not to tell him. But you get to be wrong, Jason. Isn’t what you wanted? The freedom to make mistakes?”

“Yeah, but—”

“I told you I wasn’t going to make this choice for you, and I won’t. AJ, Carly, and Sonny—these are your people, not mine. This has nothing to do with me. Except that I’m married to you.” She folded her arms. “Keep the secret, tell the truth—it’s your choice.”

“But you think I’m wrong.”

“You are wrong,” she said gently, but he still flinched. “And the worst part is you know it. But you don’t want to talk about why you’re doing it, and until then, I don’t know if it does us any good to talk about it.”

“I—”

“This isn’t a secret that affects our everyday life,” she continued, even though she wasn’t convinced that fact would remain true forever. “It’s not like Robin. You’re not asking me to raise another woman’s son conceived while we were together. This baby? Not my problem. I feel sorry for those kids, though. Because they didn’t ask for it.”

Jason cleared his throat, then looked at the clock across the room. “I have to go.” He started past her, then stopped and took her by the shoulders. “Thank you.”

She raised her brow. “For what?”

“You’re unhappy with this,” he said, “and I guess we still need to talk about it, but thank you for at least telling me. Robin never—she didn’t really. And maybe she just thought it would go away. I didn’t know how unhappy she was until it was too late. I can’t fix anything if I don’t know.”

“Well, then I guess you’re welcome.” She stroked his jaw, knowing what he was leaving to do and wishing he wasn’t so twisted up about all of this. “Be careful tonight, okay? I want to be able to argue with you when you come home.”

He kissed the tip of her fingers, then leaned down for a longer, lingering embrace. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

“Me either.”

“I’ll be careful.” He kissed her again, then left. She watched him go. Tonight, the problem with Sorel was supposed to be over—

But she knew something much worse was on the horizon. Sorel was nothing more than a physical threat, and those didn’t scare her. They still hadn’t really dealt with Carly, and why Jason was really keeping this secret for her.

And whether or not Elizabeth had been unintentionally lying to Jason when she said this wouldn’t affect them or that this wasn’t like Robin. Robin hadn’t confronted Jason about Carly because she’d been scared of the answer. Elizabeth understood the other woman for the first time—and why when Robin had been pushed so far over the edge, she’d blown up Jason’s life.

Elizabeth wasn’t going to do that, but she also wasn’t interested in sitting around for a year while Carly sat in the wings. One way or another, Jason was going to have to choose.

Blue Moon Lounge: Back Room

“You got everything you need?” Vega asked, standing in the doorway and watching Jason set down a hard plastic box and remove a handgun. He checked the magazine, then slid it home, and checked the safety.

“Yeah. You just make sure Sorel’s guys are dealt with,” Jason said. He twisted the silencer onto the barrel of the gun. “You put them down, I’ll do my job.”

“I’ll take the clean up.”

Jason frowned at him. “That’s on us—”

“The reception was my idea,” Vega said, and Jason fell silent. “I put your wife in his cross hairs, and she nearly paid for it. Yeah, maybe you made her a target, but I used her. So my club, my cleanup.”

Which meant Vega was taking on most of the risk. It was a hell of an apology since Sorel hadn’t come directly for him yet — he’d concentrated on Jason and Sonny first since they’d been direct competitors with Moreno.

It meant Jason could take the shot and get the hell out of the area before anyone even knew what had happened.

“We got a deal, Jase?”

“Deal.” Jason met his eyes. “Now show me where I’m supposed to wait until the meeting starts.”

It was time to make Joseph Sorel disappear.

+21

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you’re my survival, you’re my livin’ proof
My love is alive and not dead
– I’ll Be, Edwin McCain

Tuesday, February 1, 2000

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

It wasn’t a coincidence. It couldn’t be, Jason thought as he closed the door behind him and faced Sonny, standing at the minibar with a tumbler in his hand. “Vega called last night night to tell me the meeting was set up for tomorrow. And Sorel just happens to pick this afternoon to show his face in public and—”

Make it clear that he’d been the one behind the bomb on New Year’s. Blood pounded in his head, the rage boiling through his veins.

“You think Vega’s setting you up and not Sorel?” Sonny wanted to know.

“No.” Jason shook his head swiftly. “No. Vega’s predictable. He doesn’t want the instability or the power play, and Sorel isn’t going to be satisfied with taking over for Moreno. He’ll keep pushing.”

“That’s true.” Sonny swirled the bourbon. “Then—”

“Sorel had to know we’ve been waiting for the chance to take him out. He’s probably surprised I haven’t done it yet.” He should have taken the chance and strangled him in his sleep, but Sorel never slept alone. Insurance, Jason thought, because the bastard knew Jason wouldn’t dispose of witnesses. “Vega calling a meeting was always going to be suspicious. I just—”

“Hadn’t thought Sorel would make it a spectacle.”

“How’d Elizabeth handle herself?” Sonny wanted to know. “All Francis told me was that he approached her and they exchanged some words.”

“He accused her of having no manners,” Jason said tightly. “Of being the type to hang up on someone. He chose the words deliberately, Sonny. She knew it, and I know it. So do you. If he’d just wanted to insult her, he would have just called her rude for walking away. We never told anyone Elizabeth hung up that night. They only know she spoke to someone claiming to be Sorel.”

“Yeah, that feels like a fuck you he wanted to toss out.” Sonny pressed his lips together, considered. “He wanted you to know it was him. Either he’s arrogant to the point of stupidity or he’s planning something—we might need to think about changing the plan—”

“If something gets triggered because he goes missing,” Jason interrupted, “we’ll deal with it. I’m not worrying about it. Sorel isn’t just a threat to Elizabeth.  He’s a threat to everyone else. I’m not going to wait around for someone else to handle him.”

“I just—” Sonny shook his head. “We need to be ready for anything. I want him gone, too. That’s three times he’s gone for Elizabeth. I don’t want her in danger either. I never wanted that—”

“It was just a risk you were willing to take,” Jason bit out.

“And it’s one you were, too,” Sonny shot back. “You married her, didn’t you? You could have left. Yeah, things would have gone to hell with Carly, but Elizabeth would have been out of it with Sorel, and you knew that. You decided to stay.” His eyes burned into his. “I told you to go, didn’t I? Stop being so pissed off at me because we knew this would happen if you stayed!”

Jason didn’t have an answer for that. Of course not. He’d stayed because Elizabeth had wanted him to, and because he hadn’t wanted to go. But the only way to be sure Sorel wouldn’t use her was not to be in town. He’d put her in the middle of everything by marrying her. He’d made her a target.

“That doesn’t change what you did—”

“No, but I’ll be damned if I take any of the blame for her being in this situation in the first place.” Sonny tossed back the last of his bourbon. “You were the one that stayed in her studio even after people knew you were there. You used her to stay out of sight.”

Jason scrubbed his hands over his face. This wasn’t getting them anywhere. “I don’t want to fight about this anymore,” he growled. “It is what is.” And damn it, Sonny had a goddamn point. The reception was his fault, but everything else— “I have things to do.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth paced the area in front of the fireplace, twisting her hands, waiting for Jason to return from Sonny’s. She hadn’t even been able to tell him more than the content of the conversation before he’d left to talk to Sonny.

Maybe she shouldn’t have stopped. Or maybe she shouldn’t have gone to the studio. They’d said it was okay, that there was security—

The door opened and Elizabeth spun around to find Jason quietly closing the door behind him. He leaned against it for a moment, meeting her eyes from across the room.

“Is, um, everything okay?”

“Yeah. Sonny just wanted to check in.” Jason flicked the lock, then approached her. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. I guess. I don’t know,” she added when he just raised his brows. “It was just…weird, I guess. I did what I’m supposed to do. You know, I just turned and left. I didn’t say anything to him until—”

“Until he reminded you of New Year’s.”

She winced. “Yeah. I don’t know why hearing him confirm it made me feel jumpy. Or why it makes you so mad. We both knew he did it—”

“Yeah—” He slid his hands from her shoulders down to her elbows, then repeated. His touch calmed the jitters in her stomach. “But today, he made sure we didn’t have any doubt. He tried to kill you. Almost did.”

“Yeah. With everything that’s happened since then—” A month ago. That’s all it had been. A month earlier, she’d been worrying herself silly over sleeping with Jason and made a nearly fatal mistake in returning to the studio alone. What a lifetime ago it seemed now. “I don’t really think about it. Everything kept happening, and there wasn’t really time to dwell on that night. Carly started making her threats—”

“And then we got married,” he murmured, “and the PCPD—” Then Carly again, but they didn’t say anything about that. Better to think of Carly as something they’d already dealt with. Elizabeth knew Jason wasn’t going to say another word about the baby until those paternity results came in. And that was if she believed Carly planned to tell the truth when that happened, which Elizabeth didn’t but Jason seemed to take for granted.

No room for that conversation today either.

“You did everything right,” Jason reassured her. “You followed Francis, you didn’t engage in conversation. Sorel wanted you to take a message. You did that.”

“I did kind of get snippy with him at the end,” Elizabeth reminded him.

“Yeah, well, he had that coming.” He kissed her forehead, but lingered, his fingers tightening at her shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t—”

“I’m not sorry we’re standing where we are,” he said, drawing back for a moment. He took her hand in his, his fingers tracing over her wedding ring. “But Sorel is going after you because of me. And Sonny reminded me—” Jason’s eyes clouded over. “The reception might be his fault, but the rest of it—”

“It’s no one’s fault—”

“When I was going to leave town,” Jason told her, “it wasn’t just because of Carly. I knew if I were out of the picture permanently, Sorel would lose interest in you. I stayed.”

“I made you,” Elizabeth insisted. “And I knew—”

“You made a case,” Jason corrected, “and I agreed. I wanted to be here. With you,” he added, and she flushed at that, but managed to smile. “But I knew that it meant you’d be still in the middle of this. That Sorel might see you as someone to use. I could have stopped it. I didn’t.”

“The only way to stop it was to lose this.” Elizabeth leaned up on her toes to kiss him. “And I’ll never be sorry I fought to keep it.”

“Me either.” He tangled his hands in her hair and kissed her back.

Quartermaine Estate: Nursery

Michael toddled towards AJ on a pair of short stubby legs, his hand clutching a block. When he reached his father, Michael dropped the block in AJ’s lap. “Daddy, play.”

“What do you want me to do?” AJ asked, hoping his son didn’t want to play fetch. But Michael was already bringing over more blocks. He then plopped down and started to build a tower.

“Play.” Michael set one block on top of the other. “Daddy.”

“I get it now, buddy.”

Michael grinned and clapped when AJ placed the block on top of the ones he’d already stacked. “Good boy.” He held out another block and AJ took it.

In September, there’d be another baby in the nursery, and Michael would be nearly three. It was crazy to think about expanding a family that still didn’t feel real, even after almost a year.

Jason was a good father.

Ned’s voice echoed in his mind, but AJ pushed it away. His cousin meant well, but this was the right choice. Jason had started a new life, and AJ wasn’t going to blow up his marriage and Michael’s life. He’d known Carly would continue her affair with Jason. He’d tried to curb it, but Jason was the one who had slept with a married woman.

Jason doesn’t owe you fidelity or loyalty.

AJ cleared his throat, smiling as Michael lost interest in the tower and toddled over to another set of toys. Michael had arrived in his life as a beautiful, bright, and vibrant little boy who could already walk and say a few words. Jason, against all the odds, had been a good father. He’d protected Michael and loved him, even when it had cost him his relationship with Robin.

Keeping the secret had felt like karma to AJ for that lost year, but was it? What did AJ owe his little brother for all the years that had been stolen through that car accident? Was it really karma for AJ to steal one more thing from Jason that couldn’t be given back?

Did AJ really think that one year of Michael’s life had balanced the ledger between them? Jason didn’t remember all the times he’d stood by AJ or tried to make him a better person, but AJ did.

Suddenly, AJ’s determination to get justice for Michael’s stolen year seemed weak and petty. There was no balancing the scales between them. AJ would always be in the red, and to claim paternity of Jason’s child would only make it worse.

Could he live the rest of his life like that?

Studio

They had plans to spend the evening together, but unsurprisingly, after her run-in on the docks with Sorel, Jason had a thousand things to do that he couldn’t tell Elizabeth about. So she’d gone back to the studio for a few more hours of work.

She’d asked first, of course, if maybe she should stay in but Jason wanted her to act like the incident on the docks hadn’t bothered her. To go about her life as normal. Easier said than done, Elizabeth thought but if that’s what he needed her to do, she’d do it.

She stared at the half-finished canvas, grimacing at the yellow splotch of paint meant to be Angelina’s House of Beauty. She’d wanted to recreate the painting Capelli destroyed, but just like this morning, it simply wasn’t working.

And maybe it couldn’t be remade. It had been a moment in time, a feeling she’d had when she’d been on Jason’s bike a lifetime ago when he’d been Emily’s older brother and the sweet, gruff guy who occasionally put up with her rambling. Being on the bike, the wind rushing past so fast and loud that she couldn’t think — when she’d felt free and young and alive for the first time in months —

It had been a wonderful feeling, and painting it had been exhilarating. But that feeling paled in comparison to how she felt with Jason now. It had just been a taste of what was to come. She’d wanted to paint what it felt like to be free.

The Wind had been about putting away her grief, and moving on with her life. To look past the pain of losing Lucky and finding out there would be tomorrows.

Now she was living in that tomorrow. She’d found love again, even if she wasn’t ready to tell Jason that. She knew what it felt like to love someone with her whole heart, and now she knew what it was to love someone with her body, too.

Elizabeth set aside the old canvas and picked up her sketchbook. It was time to paint the way she felt now.

+21

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn’t accidentally tell you that
I’m only happy when it rains
You’ll get the message by the time I’m through
When I complain about me and you
I’m only happy when it rains
– Only Happy When It Rains, Garbage

Thursday, January 27, 2000

Studio: Hallway

“That door looks like it should be on a bank vault,” Elizabeth said as they drew closer to her studio door. “You don’t think it’s overkill?”

Jason studied the thick, heavy, metal door that had only a small peep hole. “No. It’s not enough, actually.” He pulled keys out of his pocket. “And it’s not as thick as a bank vault. I tried to find a door that was—”

She rolled her eyes, and leaned against the wall, smirking. “Of course you did.”

He handed her a set of the keys, then pushed it open. “I didn’t change anything in here,” Jason said as she went inside. “Except the heating and plumbing. That’s been upgraded. I’m still working on the rest of the building, but I know you wanted to be back here.”

“Feels like a lifetime since I’ve been here,” Elizabeth said, turning in a slow circle. “Doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. I guess so.” The last time he’d been in this room, he’d had to dig his way into the closet to get her out, worried about the bomb under a table — He looked over to the table in question. A single wire had been a dud, stopping the bomb from detonating. How close he’d come to losing her—

“I’ll bring my paints and stuff back this weekend,” she said, drawing his attention back to her. “If you think it’s okay to come back and start working in here again. I have another week at Kelly’s, but I’m excited to have more time for this.”

“Yeah, yeah. You can start moving things back whenever you want.” She beamed, and he smiled back at her. “But Francis or another guard is on the door here, just like at home.”

“Yeah, yeah. How is Francis enjoying his art history classes?” Elizabeth asked, coming back to him, sliding her arms around his waist. “Do you think he’ll let me borrow his notes?”

“I know you hate the full-time guard,” Jason said, and she made a face. But she didn’t deny it, he noticed, and it frustrated him, too. Since Friday, they’d pushed back on plans to get her a car, and now Francis drove her everywhere. He was already sitting in on her classes, on the door at home, in her section at Kelly’s—

“Don’t apologize,” Elizabeth ordered when he opened his mouth. “I get to hate being carted around like cargo without you feeling bad. Two things can be true at once — I hate it, but I also know it’s necessary. Let me complain and make my faces, okay?”

“Yeah, I know. But—”

“But nothing.” She leaned on her toes and kissed him. “Thank you making sure my studio has heat. Did you do the same for the hallway so poor Francis doesn’t get turned into an icicle?”

“Yes.” He deepened the kiss, and she melted against him. Oh, man, if he could get Sorel and nail him down—if he could get rid of him, he could just get back to living his life and figuring out what normal could look like with Elizabeth by his side.

But his phone rang and he had to reluctantly pull back. “I won’t apologize,” he said, dragging the phone from his coat pocket.

“Good, you’re learning.” Elizabeth smirked at him, then wandered away to give him a bit of privacy, something she was good at. She started to sort through canvases while he listened to the voice on the phone.

“I’ll drop you at the penthouse,” Jason said. “I have to go to the No Name and meet with Vega.”

“All right. I have to meet Francis there in an hour anyway. I have another class this afternoon.” She paused. “Will I see you before you have to go out tonight?”

“I—I’m gonna try to make it home first,” Jason told her. “But I can’t promise it.”

“Okay. So, I’ll just order something and leave yours in the kitchen. But hey—” She raised her brows. “Wake me when you get home, okay? Because I don’t have to work until noon tomorrow.” She gripped the lapels of his jacket and leaned up for another kiss. “Let’s see if we can pencil in some time for each other then.”

“This is going to be over soon,” he promised. “Sorel can’t hide forever.”

“I know. I can be patient. Be careful.”

Quartermaine Mansion: Family Room

AJ sipped some water and perused the day’s papers, reading the sections he’d skipped earlier that morning. The house was quiet for once—his grandfather at ELQ, his parents at the hospital, and Carly had gone shopping with Michael. It wasn’t often he got to sit by himself, with his own thoughts.

“Junior. I was hoping to find you in here.”

AJ looked up, grimacing as Ned sauntered in. “Why?” he wanted to know, folding the paper and tossing it aside. “What do you want now?”

“I’ve had some time to think it over.” Ned sat on the sofa, leaning back and crossing one leg over his high. “I wasn’t going to say anything,” he continued, “but the longer I sat with it, the more I decided I should at least tell you what I’m thinking.”

“If this is about the pharmaceutical proposal—”

“It’s about Carly.”

AJ got to his feet, shook his head. “I don’t want to listen to any more of how I’m letting Carly ruin the family—”

“If you go through with pretending you’re the father of this child, it won’t just ruin your family. It’ll ruin everyone else’s.”

AJ stopped at the doorway, turned back to Ned, then closed the door. “I’m not pretending.”

Ned stood with a shake of his head. “You are. And I don’t blame you. There’s karma in this, I get it. Jason took a year of Michael’s life away from you. And we both know he’s still the ghost in your marriage. For the last year, Carly’s schemed to get Jason back. If you hadn’t made her sign that prenup, she’d already be gone.”

AJ’s throat was tight. “Maybe. But she’s here. And we’re making it work.”

“She’s not a terrible mother, so I get why you’re doing this. I barely see my daughter.” Ned grimaced. “Divorce is hell, even when it’s civil. I’ll never be the father I wanted to be for Brook Lynn, not as long as she’s in New York with Lois. I get that you don’t want that for Michael—”

“Get to the point, Ned—”

“Jason was a good father,” his cousin said softly, and AJ scowled. “It doesn’t matter that he didn’t have the right. He was good to Michael—”

“And if he were the father, which he’s not, it would mean he had an affair with my wife,” AJ bit out. “You think he needs to be rewarded for that—”

“You married Carly knowing that was probably going to happen. Jason doesn’t owe you fidelity or loyalty. Especially after you slammed his head into a rock—”

“Damn it—”

“Carly made you those promises. She’s the one that broke them. And right now, she’s the only one getting away with it. How is that fair to anyone?”

No Name Restaurant: Private Dining Room

Jason scowled, dragged his hand through his hair. “Sorel can’t keep this game up forever. I told you I didn’t need your help—”

“Two weeks of cat and mouse, and you don’t want any help?” Daniel poured himself a tumbler of whiskey. “Are you sure that’s wise?”

“The last time I had help from you or your people, it didn’t go so well.” Jason shoved his hands in the pockets of of his leather jacket. “Sorel is keeping out of public. And I’m not taking the chance that he’s trying to trap me into trying something on private property. He has to know something is coming after what he did.”

“Jason—” Daniel sat at a table. “Sit.”

“I don’t—”

“That wasn’t a suggestion.” And while the hard tone made Jason want to punch someone, he also recognized that he didn’t have a lot of power in this situation. He didn’t want to be in charge, and so he wasn’t on their level.

Jason reluctantly sat across from the older man. “What?”

“You had a close call two weeks ago,” Daniel said, and Jason grimaced. “A very close call if the story Sonny related to us was true.” Jason blinked. “He gave us the details you weren’t interested in offering. You made a mistake that night and your wife nearly paid for it—”

“Keep her out of it—”

“I’d like to, but you brought her into it.” Daniel paused, waiting for Jason to look at him. “You made her a target, Jason. By staying at that studio and letting those rumors swirl about her. And then you married her which told Sorel everything he needed to know. He looks for weaknesses. And you served him one on a silver platter.”

“I had to sit for this?”

“Cut the attitude. If you had all the answers, you wouldn’t be standing in front of me after two weeks of no progress,” Daniel said flatly, and this time Jason dropped his gaze. “I was willing to let you take the lead on this to see if it would work. And because it was your family that was threatened. I can understand the hesitancy in going after Sorel with no holds barred. You don’t wish to have any blowback. Not on yourself, on Sonny, or Elizabeth. This is admirable, but Jason, it is not realistic. You cannot do this alone.”

“I—” Jason exhaled on a quiet breath. “I don’t know who I can trust in that room.”

Daniel’s eyes sharpened. “You don’t trust Sonny?”

Jason stared at him, said nothing, and Daniel nodded. “I won’t ask if you trust me, though I’m not sure I’ve done anything to deserve that. I got you out when you wanted to be out, didn’t I? I brokered that deal with Moreno, and I lent my assistance when you and Sonny wanted back in.”

“The reception was your idea,” Jason said. “Maybe I made Elizabeth a target, but you were happy enough to use her. You think I trust you? You brokered that deal because you didn’t like me being in charge and you wanted me out. And you helped Sonny get back in because you didn’t like what Moreno turned out to be. You want sit here and act like you’ve done me favors. You didn’t. The only reason I’m taking this meeting is because I like your wife.”

Daniel nodded. “All of these things are true. I did all those things out for you because it served my own purposes. But I never pretended generosity. I never pretended to be doing it for friendship. I am who I am, Jason. I want Sorel gone because he’s unpredictable. I don’t know if he meant for that bomb to explode on New Year’s, but it told me that he doesn’t think two steps ahead. That bomb would have brought us nothing but grief and sorrow. You’d have lost your wife, but the authorities would have rained down on us like hellfire with the death of a potential witness.”

He pushed back from the table. “Sorel and I have business dealings. One of my clubs is on the border between our territories. He’s been pushing in, making trouble for me. And when I call him, Jason, he answers.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “He’d see through it—”

“He has no reason to think you’ll be involved. It’s a business meeting between associates. He’ll come to my club on my turf,” Daniel said. “He may bring some of his men. I can handle that. Your job will be to stay out of sight and take the shot.” He arched a brow. “Can you handle that?”

“Yeah. I can handle that. Set it up.”

“It might take a few days, but I’ll be in touch.”

Tuesday, February 1, 2000

Studio

Elizabeth swirled the last paintbrush in the sink, then set it aside to dry. She glanced over her shoulder at the canvas on the easel across the room, studying it with a critical eye. It was her third attempt at trying to recreate The Wind which had been destroyed the day the PCPD raided the penthouse, but she hadn’t quite recaptured the way she’d felt that first time.

That first try had been messy with some splatters and drips, but it had felt right. Every other attempt just felt like she was copying her own work.

She exhaled on a huff, then checked the clock. If she left right now, she’d might be able to catch Jason before he had to leave. He was supposed to be gone again tonight, and she wasn’t going to miss the chance to see him. It had been difficult for the last few weeks, only seeing him in bits and pieces, snatching whatever time they could together. But she was determined to prove that she could handle this.

And while Sorel had served a useful purpose in keeping Jason focused on him, and not on the secret he was keeping for Carly, Elizabeth knew it wasn’t far from the back of his mind. Carly had promised to take a paternity test after the first trimester, and then they’d have to deal with whatever happened. She wasn’t sure, even if the results came back in favor of Sonny, if Carly wouldn’t find a way to guilt or manipulate Jason into keeping the secret anyway.

But that was a problem for another day. Time to stop thinking about all of the things she had no control over and go home to her husband while she still could.

Elm Street Pier

She jogged down the steps to the pier, crossing towards Bannister’s Wharf and the parking lot where the car waited. Several feet behind her, a guard trailed. She always felt bad for the guards assigned to her — they were supposed to follow her around, but she had such short legs. How did they stay behind without basically dragging their own feet?

Distracted for a moment by the thought of the tall, blond, muscular Francis keeping the pace of a turtle, Elizabeth didn’t hear the other footsteps until two men stepped out from the steps leading up to the wharf.  She stumbled to a stop, and almost as quickly, Francis stepped up and slid in front of her.

“Ah, Mrs. Morgan.” Joseph Sorel smiled, flashing his even white teeth. “What a lovely surprise.”

“Out of the way,” Francis stated simply, taking Elizabeth by the elbow. “Now.”

“This is a public dock,” Sorel murmured. “I can walk where I wish.”

“Let’s just go back,” Elizabeth told Francis. They’d go back to the studio or towards Kelly’s. Francis nodded, and they started to turn.

“I’m surprised you’ve returned to your, ah, studio.”

“Ignore him,” Francis muttered, and Elizabeth agreed. They were already at the stairs with Francis almost shoving her onto the bottom step.

Then Sorel spoke again. “Those bad manners are showing again. No greeting, no goodbye. You don’t even let a man finish his sentence before you hang up.”

Elizabeth froze, turned just a moment to meet Sorel’s eyes. Hang up.

She’d hung up on him that night at the studio, when it was clear that he’d be of no use to her. He’d claimed it wasn’t him, but she’d always known it was. She’d heard his voice that night at the reception and recognized it, the smooth lies over the oily tone. Insincerity oozing from every word.

He’d chosen his words carefully to remind her. To carry a message. He’d gotten to her in the studio. In the limo. Today on the docks.

If not for a bad charge on the bomb on New Year’s, Elizabeth might already be dead.

“When you show me a man worth respecting,” Elizabeth said coolly, “then we can discuss manners.” Then she turned away, continuing her climb, her heart pounding, Francis’s boots echoing in her ears.

+20