And I can’t see that thief that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
And I don’t know what’s happening and I can’t pretend
It’s a long, long get away, it’s a long, long get away
Make it home again, make it home again
It’s a long, long get away, it’s a long, long get away
– Thief, Our Lady Peace

---

Wednesday, January 19, 2000

Kelly’s: Dining Room

“You know, why don’t you take a seat at the counter?” Tammy suggested, as Elizabeth limped towards the cash register. “Those feet have to be killing you—”

“Better than the weekend.” Elizabeth separated her cash tip from the money left on the table and slid it into her apron. “And it’s down to a dull throb. There’s just one cut that was deeper than the rest.” She winced, shifting her weight from that foot. “The rest are pretty much good.”

“Still—”

“I’m okay.” Elizabeth handed Tammy the receipt from the table she’d just cleaned. “And I’ll be more careful trying to cook in the kitchen.”

“Mmm-hmm.” The manager eyed her critically, and Elizabeth knew that her cover story for the injury hadn’t fooled her. But Tammy didn’t ask any other questions. “How were your classes yesterday?”

“Good. Better since I cut back to only four,” Elizabeth admitted. She started another pot of coffee. “I only have to be on campus two days a week which gives me more time for other things. Jason said my studio was almost finished being renovated.”

“And I, for one, will be very happy when you have a safe place to work. Doors that lock. Heating that works.” Tammy hesitated. “Have you given any more thought to what we talked about last week? About maybe leaving the nest?”

“You trying to fire me?”

“No, no. Of course not. I just know how loyal and stubborn you can be.” Tammy shrugged and pulled out the ledger book to enter in the sale from the day. “So is that a no?”

“It’s actually…I was going to give you my two week’s notice at the end of the shift,” Elizabeth admitted. “Jason and I talked about it, and he agreed with you. Of course he did.”

“I knew it. As soon as you told me you were gonna maybe travel some this summer.” Tammy nodded. “Good. You’ll have time to work on your art, finish your education, and give your marriage a good chance. You gotta put the work in, you know. The first few months — well, you can ride high on the heat and the sweet. But eventually, you see each other on a bad day, and that’s when marriage becomes a choice.”

“The heat and the sweet,” Elizabeth repeated. “That’s an interesting way to put it, but I guess you’re right. Everything has been…” So fast, she thought. A whirl wind. She and Jason had been friendly before that night in November when she’d asked him to dance. How could so much have changed in less than two months? It seemed almost impossible that she was standing here, giving her two week’s notice because she had Jason’s support.

Her husband’s support.

“I gotta say, I had my doubts when I read the news — I knew he’d only been sniffing around for a little bit,” Tammy continued. She picked up a tub of dirty dishes and went into the kitchen. Elizabeth followed. “I thought maybe you were moving too fast. Or maybe he’d, uh, gotten you in trouble.” She lifted her brows, and Elizabeth flushed.

“No. No, definitely not.” And she’d gone to the doctor like they’d talked about. And hopefully, in another week or so, she’d get the confirmation that their rush a few nights ago wouldn’t have any lasting consequences. “We just…I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea.”

“Well, it’s been almost three weeks,” Tammy said. “Do you still think it was a good idea?”

Elizabeth considered the question. The threat from Carly was a fading one, though she had her worries about the secret Jason was keeping from Sonny on Carly’s behalf. There was the more worrying threat of Sorel going after her again, but she wasn’t that concerned. But had they really needed to get married to solve either of those problems? Probably not.

“I do,” she said finally. “In fact, I think it was a great idea. And I’m really happy.”

“Good. Consider your resignation accepted. We’re going to miss you around here.” Tammy hugged her. “And you’re always welcome back if you miss the smell of grease and chili.”

Thursday, January 20, 2000

Quartermaine Estate: Master Bedroom

Carly poured over the staff directory from Mercy Hospital, but wasn’t surprised when she learned that Lorraine wasn’t still working there. And the nurse had already been an unreliable ally the last time Carly had worked with her. But it hadn’t been Lorraine’s fault the truth had come out — that had been AJ.

No, she just needed a paternity test that would stand up to whatever Jason would do with it. Would he investigate it himself? Carly tossed the staff directory back into the drawer and found the phone book. Maybe Lorraine was working at a different hospital — she had money now. Lots of it. And AJ never asked about how she spent it.

She’d pay Lorraine whatever she wanted this time if she could just guarantee a paternity test Jason would believe. Oh, but what if the kid came out looking just like Sonny? Jason would never believe it then—

Carly scowled and paced the room, a hand at the small of her back. She could try to get to Lorraine, that was definitely an idea on deck. But she needed an exit plan. A way to guarantee that she could keep herself out of a bitter custody dispute with Sonny and out of divorce court with AJ.

She exhaled slowly, met her eyes the mirror. There were only a few ways out of this mess, Carly thought. And none them ended particularly happy. She just had to choose her poison, commit to it, and hope for the best.

She’d track Lorraine down and hope like hell her genetics won the day and gave her a blonde-haired baby. The universe owed her that much, at least.

Friday, January 21, 2000

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason emerged from the kitchen as Elizabeth limped through the front door. His brow creased. “It’s still hurting?”

“Not as bad as a few days ago.” She sighed with relief as Jason slid her coat off her shoulders, took her backpack, and then carried her to the sofa. “I could have made it on my own.”

“Yeah, yeah—” He slid off her ballet-shoe shaped flat and sighed. The cuts were basically healed — just thin lines at the bottom of her feet. “It’s just this foot now, right?”

“Mmm. The deepest cut. Your medical guy said it would take another few days the last time he looked.” She sighed and stretched her arms over her head.

“Richie also said that you should stay off of it,” Jason reminded her. She cracked open one eye.

“What’s your point?”

“Nothing.” He couldn’t help but smile at the grumbling in her voice. While it frustrated him at times that she was so stubborn, he also respected her more for it. She’d promised Audrey she’d finish college, so she’d gone to her classes. And she had refused to call out of Kelly’s, knowing she would leave Tammy short-handed. Not when she was already planning to leave her job.

It would be so easy for her, Jason thought, to have lounged around the penthouse the way Carly had. To go shopping and use the bank account he’d given her. Not that he’d ever look, but he doubted that she’d even touched any money that she hadn’t earned.

“I can feel you looking at me.”

“I was thinking about how much I wish I didn’t have to go out again tonight,” he said with a sigh, and now she opened both her eyes and sat up on her elbows. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Elizabeth sat all the way up now, folding her legs beneath her. “We don’t have to talk about where you’re going,” she added, “because I know it. And while it’d be great if it was just over already, it’s not that easy.” She leaned forward, kissed him. “When do you have to go?”

Jason pulled her across his lap and kissed her again, deepening the embrace. It had been days, he thought, since they’d had time for each other. It seemed like she was always coming in as he was going out. “I have to deal with a shipment first, and then—” Then he’d do his round of the places Sorel might be, looking for the opportunity to make this over. Sorel had been cagey the last week — avoiding public places — and the last thing Jason wanted was to chance breaking into a private property.

No, this had to be a clean kill with a guaranteed disposal. He wasn’t going to take any chances that he couldn’t come home. Or that he’d leave Elizabeth unprotected.

“I probably have an hour or so.”

“Mmm, that’s enough time—” Elizabeth sighed when his cell phone rang. “Or not.” She shimmied off his lap, and he grimaced at the interruption. He went into the kitchen to answer it since it was one of their guys at the warehouse.

When he came back, he went to the closet for his lockbox. “I have to go now,” Jason said, with some regret. “I’m sorry.”

“What did I say about apologizing?” She leaned over the back of the sofa, watched him. “I should learn how to use a gun. I can hold one,” she continued when he looked at her, startled. “But I don’t know if I can do more than aim and hope for the best. Do you think I should know?”

“Do I get in trouble if I say I wish I could say no?” Jason asked. He slid a magazine into the the gun, then pulled out the holster that sat at the small of his back. He tucked the gun securely, then closed the lockbox. “But you should probably know how to aim,” he said. “And to hit something.” He looked at her, considering. “Do you really want to know?”

“That feels like a trick question.” She sat back on her heels. “No. But wanting and needing are two different things. And I don’t want to learn in the moment, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.” He returned the box to the closet. “I’ll take you out to the range,” he said. “And you can get a permit.” He came back to the sofa, leaned down to kiss her. “But stay out of trouble while I’m gone.”

“No guarantees,” she called as he left, and he grinned as he pulled the door shut.

—

Elizabeth was already bored out of her mind an hour after Jason had left, flipping through the channels and contemplating pizza for dinner. When the phone rang, she was almost pathetically excited for something to do. She grabbed the cordless from the coffee table. “Hello?”

“Mrs. Morgan, I have Carlotta Vega in the lobby, hoping you have some time today.”

Carlotta Vega? Elizabeth straightened, her brows furrowed. “Ah, she can come up.”  Why would she come here? Hadn’t she said she’d send Elizabeth an invitation? And was she supposed to let the woman come upstairs without Jason being here?

Yes, she thought. The front desk guards wouldn’t have even bothered to call — Jason would have given them a list of people to admit or to keep out. And he’d liked Carlotta Vega, hadn’t he?

Still a bit bewildered, Elizabeth opened the door a few minutes later when she heard the elevator outside the door. Francis had his hand already poised to knock. “Mrs. Vega is here,” he said.

“Yeah, um, yes, thank you.” Elizabeth felt a bit dowdy in the jeans and sweater she’d worn to her classes and her feet bare, except for the heavy wool socks she’d put on when Jason left. “Mrs. Vega—”

“Please…” Carlotta sailed in, perfectly coifed in a coffee and cream skirt set, her hair just precisely set, and pearls at her ears. “I’ve been thinking about you all week, my dear.” She kissed Elizabeth’s cheek. “But Daniel insisted I give you some time to recover.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth closed the door. “I’m fine.”

“After we heard what happened, I hope you know we were both quite upset. Daniel was already regretting the reception by the time you arrived last week—” Carlotta ushered Elizabeth back to the sofa. She sat in the armchair. “And what was attempted — Sonny told us how brave you were.”

“Well, I don’t know about brave. Just—just stubborn. I guess.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “Do you—I could make some coffee?”

“I’m only here for a moment, my dear. I don’t intend to put you out at all.” Carlotta patted her knee. “Sonny told us you’d hurt your feet?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth curled her toes. “Yeah, well. We had to—I couldn’t run in heels. And stockings don’t really offer a lot of protection. But I’m okay. Mostly all healed.”

“Well, that’s good. You don’t have to be nervous—” Carlotta’s eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled. “Unless Jason’s been filling your ears with terrible tales—”

“Oh. No, no, no. The opposite, really. Just that you’re kind of…” Elizabeth hesitated. “He said he liked you. And I did, too. I do, still. I mean. I think—” She paused. “When Sorel cut into that dance last week, you stopped Jason from murdering him on the spot.”

“To my everlasting regret,” Carlotta muttered, and Elizabeth smiled, a bit more at ease. “It’s best to tread lightly, Elizabeth, when you’re in a room filled with men who claim to be your ally with one breath, and stab you with the next. You’ll learn this as you go along, but just because it appears everyone was on the same side last Friday, that does not make it true. Sorel has allies. Ones we know about, and the ones we do not. Jason knows this, but I worried he might forget in the moment. He’s quite protective of you.”

“I know. I guess I just—you handled Sorel so well that night. And he…he was intimidated by you.” Elizabeth paused. “I guess I wish I could do that. Or at least know to handle that better. I don’t want to be a liability for Jason.”

“I would hope that if I were in a limo with my husband,” Carlotta said, “and we learned that we were in the process of being kidnapped, that I would have the strength and courage to leap out and run away with him. Sonny told us that Jason had been injured. That it was you who kept Joseph’s men from accomplishing their goal.”

“I—yeah, I guess.”

“That is precisely the opposite of a liability. But I understand your concern. It’s not a world for the weak, Elizabeth. And if you choose it, you must really choose it.” She tilted her head. “Have you made the choice with your eyes wide open?”

“I think so. I mean, yes.” Elizabeth nodded, thinking of the gun shot wound she’d tended, the bomb in her studio — the chances she’d had to walk away. “Yes. I knew who Jason was when I married him. And I wouldn’t want him to be different. Not unless it’s something he wants.”

“Good. Good. Well, I won’t keep you any longer, my dear. Expect an invitation to tea. Thank you for letting me impose on you.”

“It was nice to see you.” Elizabeth followed her to the door. “Um, tell Mr. Vega I said hello.”

“I will do that.” Carlotta smiled at her, then left. Elizabeth exhaled on a rush of air, a bit relieved. She genuinely liked the other woman, but it had felt like a visit from the president or some other visiting dignitary. She was just relieved it was over.

Saturday, January 22, 2000

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Jason tiptoed into the room, having already kicked off his boots downstairs. It was just past five in the morning, and the sleepless nights were starting to wear on him.

Elizabeth was curled up on her side of the bed, her hands tucked under her chin, the comforter pooled around her waist. He waited an extra moment, to be sure her breathing was deep and even — he hadn’t woken her.

He tossed his clothes in the hamper, pulled on a pair of sweats and crawled into the bed, inching towards her. He didn’t want to wake or disturb her, but he also — he just missed her.

Jason stretched himself out at her back and kissed her shoulder before laying his head on her pillow, content to just be close.

“You’re home,” her slurred words barely audible.

“Go to back to sleep,” he murmured in her ear. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Not awake. Dreaming.” She sighed, then snuggled against him. He relaxed, laid a hand over her waist, which she found and laced together with her own, holding it against her abdomen. Jason closed his eyes and let himself drift to sleep.

Closing time, open all the doors
And let you out into the world
Closing time, turn all of the lights on
Over every boy and every girl
Closing time, one last call for alcohol
So, finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, you don’t have to go home
But you can’t stay here
– Closing Time, Semisonic

---

Monday, January 17, 2000

Quartermaine Estate: Gardens

Jason paced the small clearing at the center of the Quartermaine gardens, an itch between his shoulder blades. He hated being on the grounds of this place and only rarely visited for Lila’s sake. He adored his grandmother, but he could happily watch this place burn to the ground.

But he couldn’t think of anywhere else to have this conversation that was safe for him. Or for her. He’d waited to send word until AJ was out of the house, and the only person at home was Lila who would never breathe a word to anyone even if she knew.

There was a rustling of branches and leaves as Carly stepped around the hedges, her eyes lit with excitement, her cheeks flushed. “I knew you’d come to your senses—” she said, hurrying forward.

He put a hand up and she halted, drawing her brows together. “Give me one good reason why I don’t tell everyone the truth,” he said flatly.

Carly swallowed hard, hurt flashing in her dark eyes. He ignored the twist in his gut. “What truth?” she managed.

“You’re pregnant,” Jason said. “And Bobbie thinks it’s mine.” He gritted his teeth. “She won’t be the only one who wonders—”

“Jason—”

“Is it Sonny’s baby?” Jason interrupted. “And don’t lie to me, Carly. I always find out. For once in your goddamn life, tell me the truth.”

She exhaled slowly, closed her eyes. “I don’t know. It could be AJ’s.” Carly opened her eyes, met his eyes. “I need time, okay? A few months. Paternity tests are risky, and after everything with Michael—what’s the point in blowing up my life if AJ is the father?”

Months of everyone staring at him, thinking it might be his—Jason didn’t give a damn about himself, but he knew it would wear on Elizabeth. She might be smiling and bearing it now, but how long would that last?

But why would he destroy Michael’s life if he didn’t have to?

“I want the test,” Jason said finally. “When you have it done. I want the results, Carly. And if you pull the same crap on me that you did with Tony, you’ll regret it.”

“I know—” Relief flooded her eyes. “Thank you. Thank you. I know I don’t deserve this—”

“You don’t. But Michael does.” Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. “Stay away from me, Carly. The best thing for all of us is if we don’t have anything to do with one another.”

“Right. Right. Thank you.” Carly edged back. “I should go.” She disappeared around the hedge, and Jason put her out of his mind just as quickly.

He had another meeting to get to.

No Name Restaurant: Back Room

Sonny got to his feet when Jason strode through the doors, putting up his hand. “Before we go in—”

“I’m doing the talking,” Jason said. “The rest of you have had your chance to deal with this.” Elizabeth was walking better and she’d gone to work today, but she was still limping.

And he’d never forget coming to his senses in the middle of the park, laying partially down a hill, with her sprawled over him to protect him. Waking up, sobbing in the middle of the night, because she’d been so scared.

Sonny had nearly gotten her killed. The men in that room had played with her life.

Jason was done with the politics of it all.

“I know, but—” Sonny stepped in front of Jason. “They don’t need to know we have issues, do they?” he demanded in a hushed, but urgent voice. “They’ll smell the blood in the water.”

“You think they don’t already?” Jason demanded, but the guilt sank in for the secret he was keeping. Did Sonny deserve to know there was a chance Carly was pregnant with his child? Was it right to keep it all quiet? “Let’s get this over with.”

Inside, a small cluster of men was milling around a table. It was early, but more than one of them was already drinking.

Daniel Vega broke away from Tagliatti and crossed to Jason. “I’m glad you could come. I wanted to apologize for what happened—”

Jason forced himself to accept the handshake. Nothing would be solved if he just punched everyone he saw today, even though he wanted to draw blood. The rage had ignited all over again just looking at their damn faces. Their smug expressions. They figured they’d smooth things over because that’s how things were done—

Not this time.

“Carlotta asked after your wife,” Daniel murmured, drawing closer. “She wanted to visit, but I thought you might not want to see anyone for a few days.” He smiled wryly. “Or ever.”

“She can come whenever she wants,” Jason muttered, remembering the kindness of Daniel’s wife and Elizabeth’s delight in meeting her. “The rest of you? No.”

“Fair enough.” Daniel stepped back. “We wanted to talk about Friday. What went wrong, and what we should do next—”

“Sorel is clearly a problem we need to resolve,” Tagliatti began.

“What went wrong is you thought you could play Sorel,” Jason interrupted, and there was a stony silence. “You thought you had him under control. He saw Friday coming. Why do you think he forced his way into an invitation? Why do you think he cut in to dance with my wife? He wanted to show us all that he’s the one in charge.” And he had been, Jason thought. Because these men had been blinded by arrogance and Jason by rage.

“We had a deal. We tried your way,” Jason said simply. “Now we’ll do it mine. I’ll take care of Sorel. A few weeks to let his guard down, and then I’ll make him disappear.” He lifted his chin. “Any questions?”

“Sonny—” Tagliatti began, but Daniel shook his head.

“The boy is right,” Daniel declared, and some of the other men who had looked irritated subsided. “He did what we asked, and nearly paid a heavy price. The deal was made and must be honored.” He faced Jason. “But don’t wait too long. Sorel is too unpredictable to stay on the loose.”

Kelly’s: Kitchen

Elizabeth winced, shifting her weight from one foot to another. She would have called out today, but she wanted to give her two week notice and it felt disrespectful to duck out on another shift in the middle of that. Not to mention, classes were starting in the morning and she had to learn how to walk with the pain anyway.

She managed to get through the breakfast shift before limping into the kitchen and sitting on a stool. DJ, the cook, eyed her with some concern. “You good, Lizzie?”

“No, but I only have four more hours,” she muttered. She took the glass of water he offered. “I cut my foot over the weekend.”

“Okay.” DJ shrugged. “I’m on my break,” he told her, shrugging into his jacket. “Back in fifteen.”

“No problem. It’s just coffee drinkers right now.” The cook disappeared into the alley for his usual cigarettes, and Elizabeth wiggled her toes in her sneaker, trying to absorb the aches.

“Oh, I thought I’d find you in here.”

Elizabeth twisted to find Bobbie coming down the back stairs. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“I came early to do an inventory of the rooms upstairs,” Bobbie said. She furrowed her brow. “How’s the feet?”

“Better today,” Elizabeth said. “Did you need something?”

“I thought we should talk about this Jason thing on our own.” Bobbie pitched her voice lower. “Away from him. I know you think you need to follow his lead—”

“Bobbie, this isn’t my business—”

“It will be,” the nurse insisted. “Jason might be able to ignore it for now because the baby isn’t here, but what happens after it’s born? Do you really think Jason can walk away from his own child?”

“No, and I would never ask him to,” Elizabeth said carefully. “But that’s not what’s happening here—”

“I know it hurts you to think of him together with Carly only a short time ago,” Bobbie said, and Elizabeth’s chest tightened. “But ignoring it isn’t going to help. I don’t think her relationship with AJ turned until she went to the police. AJ made her do that, you know. I think he leveraged their marriage.”

Elizabeth blinked at her. “I don’t understand—”

“I just—I’m not as convinced as Jason seems to be that this might be AJ’s child. Yes, it would be easier for everyone everyone involved—”

“Wouldn’t AJ already know that?” Elizabeth interrupted. “I mean, Bobbie, you’re assuming a whole lot. AJ would know if there’s a chance and he hasn’t said anything—”

“Because raising Jason’s child would be a good bit of revenge,” Bobbie said softly, and Elizabeth closed her mouth. “Karmic justice. AJ could save face with everyone, keep his family together, and take Jason’s child from him.”

“Maybe,” Elizabeth said. “But—”

“Have you and Jason talked about Carly?” Bobbie wanted to know. “I hate to push you, sweetheart, but I think ignoring the fact that Jason was, until very recently, involved with Carly, is only going to be a problem down the road.”

Elizabeth stared down at her hands. “I know.”

“I married someone on the rebound, you know.” Bobbie tilted Elizabeth’s chin up. “I divorced Tony and married Stefan before the ink on the papers was dry. I had my reasons for it, but I know better than anyone. If you don’t resolve the past, you can’t go on—”

“Bobbie—it’s not like Jason and I got married for the usual reasons,” Elizabeth said with a forced shrug.

“I know that. But you can’t tell me that hasn’t changed.” Bobbie stepped back. “I just want you to be okay, Elizabeth. You and Jason. And I just have this terrible feeling about how this will end if we ignore what’s going on.”

“I’ll talk to Jason, but I’m not going to push him.” Elizabeth got to her feet, wincing again. “I’m not Robin. I’m not Sonny. I won’t force him into making a decision he’s not ready to make.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth pushed open the door and smiled when she found Jason playing a game of pool. “Hey. I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“I wanted to see how you were after work.” Jason strode forward and plucked her off her feet.

“Sore,” she admitted, sighing happily as he set her on the sofa, then plumped the pillow behind her head.  “Oh, don’t, they’re—” she said as Jason pulled out the first aid kit he’d left on the coffee table and started cleaning the last of her cuts. “I’m not going to argue anymore.”

“That’d be new,” he teased, and she smiled again. Then she closed her eyes, felt herself start to drift. It had been such a long, painful shift. Thank God she only had two classes the next day and could sit during both.

“I went to see Carly today.”

Elizabeth’s eyes snapped and she stared at him, suddenly alert. “You did?”

“I wanted to know if the baby was Sonny or AJ’s.” Jason hesitated. “She said she doesn’t know. Asked for time so she could do a paternity test.”

“And you believe her?”

“I believe she wants time,” Jason said slowly. “I don’t know if I believe that she doesn’t know. I just—” he shook his head. “I told her I wanted a copy of the paternity test, and I’ll find out if it’s real or not. So maybe she was telling the truth.”

“Maybe.” Elizabeth laid back, stared at the ceiling. Thinking of Bobbie’s words. She didn’t want to talk about Carly. She never wanted to talk about the toxic blonde again, but the universe wasn’t really giving her a break. “Bobbie was at Kelly’s today.”

Jason tensed, pausing for a moment, then finished replacing the last bandage on her foot. He closed up the kit. “Yeah?”

“She thinks there’s a good chance AJ is covering for Carly because he thinks it’s your baby. That he’d see it as a revenge for Michael.”

“He probably would,” Jason admitted. “But it’s not mine—”

“I know that.”

“Bobbie won’t be the only person who thinks it,” he said, echoing their conversation from a few days earlier. “I know that bothers you.”

“It shouldn’t. I know the truth.” But it was there. A little tug in her gut that twisted everything and made it feel sour. “It’s not just that.” He didn’t say anything, so she continued. “I know you want to protect Michael. I believe you. But…he’s only two. Do you really think AJ and Carly are going to last forever? Isn’t it more likely that they’re going to split later? Wouldn’t it be better now when he’s too young to really remember?”

“Maybe,” Jason admitted. “But that won’t be my fault. This would be—”

“No, it would be Carly’s,” Elizabeth insisted. She sat up, on her elbows. “And maybe that’s it. Maybe it feels like you’re protecting her more than Michael.”

“I’m protecting us,” Jason corrected with a flare of irritation. “If I blow up Carly’s life, she’ll just come after us again. At least this way, we get a break. I’m still dealing with Sorel—” He tensed. “If you think you can’t keep the secret, I need to know now—”

“I’m not going to say anything,” Elizabeth cut in, knowing he was thinking of Robin. “This isn’t about me. And because I know it’s not your baby, it doesn’t really affect us. It’s just—” She bit her lip. “Whatever you want to do, Jason, I’m going to support you. I know you don’t believe that—”

“I do—”

“You don’t, but that’s okay. You’ve been here before.” He met her eyes. “Everyone thought Michael was yours. And Robin managed to deal with it as long as Carly wasn’t around. It poisoned things with her, though, didn’t it? Asking her to keep the secret. To let people think you cheated on her.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s not what’s happening here. I’m telling you that I don’t agree with you keeping this secret, but that’s as far as it goes. I know why you’re doing it. Mostly. And you know why you’re doing it. Carly wants more time. We’ll give it to her.” She reached for his hand. “You get to make your own choices, Jason. And this is yours to make.”

“But you think it’s a mistake.”

“I do,” Elizabeth forced out. “But maybe I’m wrong. I could be.”

Jason exhaled slowly, looked up at the ceiling, then back at her. “I don’t know what the right thing to do is,” he admitted. “I just can’t blow everything up. Not yet.”

“Then you won’t. And we’ll see what happens.”

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open
You’re so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You’re broken
When your heart’s not open
– Frozen, Madonna

---

Saturday, January 15, 2000

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“You know, I could get used to this,” Elizabeth decided as Jason carried her towards the sofa. “But it would probably be harder to serve chili if you were always carrying me everywhere.”

Jason laughed, carefully lowering her to the cushions, making sure he didn’t brush her feet up against anything. The cuts and scrapes looked better this morning, but she hadn’t been able to put any weight on them. Hopefully by the time Monday rolled around—

Jason disappeared into the kitchen and emerged a little while later with coffee in one hand and a hot chocolate in the other. “Here—”

“Thank you.” He sat next to her, and she brushed her fingertips under his cheek where there was still a small cut and bruise from whatever he had hit his head on the night before. “How’s your head? You were out for so long—”

“It’s fine. I’ve got a hard head.” Jason caught her hand and kissed it. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Okay, well that’s not going to happen.” She studied the rapidly melting whipped cream as it sunk into the dark chocolate. “Um, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about but I don’t really know…how.”

Jason stretched his arm across the back of the sofa, angling his body towards her. “You can talk to me about anything. You know that.”

“I do. It’s—” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “Last night. Um, we didn’t—” Her cheeks heated and she looked away. “We didn’t use anything.” She glanced up quickly to see his smile fade.

“No. We—” He grimaced, sat up and set his coffee on the table. “I’m sorry—”

“I didn’t—I didn’t bring that up because you did anything wrong. And it’s—last night wasn’t like the other times, so it’s fine—”

“It’s not—”

“Hey.” Elizabeth felt suddenly at ease with the conversation—maybe because Jason seemed flustered, and it made her feel better. “It’s both of us, right? Just because you have more experience—and it’s okay. I just—want us to be careful. I thought, on Monday, I could make an appointment and go on the pill.” She paused. “So, you know, we can be spontaneous and all.”

“I—” Jason scratched the end of his brow with his thumb. “I’m usually—I haven’t been with anyone since Robin,” he said suddenly, and she frowned. “You don’t have to worry—”

“No, and I wasn’t. Jason, it’s just something that happened, and I don’t want to be stupid about it, you know? So we’ll just be more careful until I’m good, and then we can do what we want when we want.”

“What if—” Jason made a face, then forced out the rest of it. “What if it’s—I mean, is it the wrong time? I—”

Her eyes widened as she realized what he was asking. “Oh. Um. No, we’re probably okay.” Probably.

“What if it’s not?”

Oh, God, wasn’t that a thought? She tightened her hands around the mug. “Then we deal with that, I guess, but there’s no point in worrying about it until we have to.” She saw the question in his eyes and realized he wouldn’t ask it. “And by deal with it, I guess we’d talk about what it meant. I, um, guess you probably want kids. Right? Or at least one. After—I mean you were such—I’m sorry.” Elizabeth shook her head. “We don’t have to talk about it.” They’d barely been together for three weeks—but then again, they’d been married for nearly the entirety of their relationship— you had to start talking about these kinds of conversations when you got married—this is why you didn’t just drift into marriage—

“I hadn’t let myself think about it,” Jason said finally. He sat back again, reached for one of her hands. “But, I guess, yeah. I’d want to.” His eyes searched hers. “But you don’t.”

“Not yet. No. I just—there’s so much I want to see and to do, and I know that kids don’t have to slow you down, but I always wondered if maybe my mom felt like that — you know, if she had done all the things she wanted to do before she had me or my sister, would she have…” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “But maybe one day. I guess.” It was the first time she felt the age difference between them. He was seven years older than her, and maybe he wouldn’t want to wait around three or four years until she wanted to have kids—and what if she didn’t want them then—

“I get that. And you know, talking with your grandmother last week — I thought about the places I’ve read about. I always thought I’d go one day, but I never did. I’ve been to the Caribbean for Sonny. And South America. Paris. But there’s a lot more out there.” He tipped his head. “I don’t blame you for wanting to wait to have kids. You’re…I mean we don’t talk about it, but you’re eighteen—” His mouth tightened, and he hesitated. “I don’t—I only really remember the last four years, so I don’t notice it. But—”

“Four years of being an adult,” Elizabeth said, and he nodded. “Yeah, I get it. It’s not that I don’t want them. I just…know there’s a lot more I want to do first. And I don’t want to ever be my mother, looking at a baby, and thinking of all the opportunities they cost me—”

“That wouldn’t be you,” he told her softly. “Hey. Can you look at me?”

She met his eyes. “It might.”

“No, it wouldn’t. You wouldn’t punish a child who never asked to be here in the first place,” he told her. “You know what’s it like. You’d never do that.”

“Yeah. I guess not.” She took a deep breath, then swiped at her eyes. “Why are we even talking about this?”

“Because we were irresponsible last night. It’s my fault—” She opened her mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “It is. And we both agree now isn’t a good time, so we’re on the same page.” He leaned forward, kissed her gently. “The rest can wait, okay?”

“Okay.” Elizabeth nodded. “I’ll make the appointment, and we won’t be stupid again.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He stroked her leg, then got to his feet. “I have to make a few calls. I want to check on Max. You want something to eat?”

“Yeah. I’m actually starving,” she admitted. “I didn’t eat much last night at dinner. Too nervous.”

“I’ll be back.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Bobbie set down her purse and smiled at Tammy. “Hey. How’s business this morning?”

“Not bad, not bad.” Tammy handed her the receipts and the accounting book. “We’re going to need to advertise for another full-time waitress,” she told Bobbie.

Bobbie frowned, tipped her head. “Are we losing someone?”

“I haven’t heard back officially, but—” Tammy checked the coffee pots, eying the levels in each. “I imagine Elizabeth will be giving her notice soon. Her classes start this week, and I can’t see her balancing work, classes, her art, and a new marriage—”

Bobbie set down her pencil. “She’s managed before—”

“Oh. Well, yeah, but it’s different now, and I want to see her spend a bit more time on herself, you know?” The pretty blonde focused on Bobbie. “What, you don’t think so?”

“I just—I’d hate to see her give up her job without a better plan. She’s, uh, well, a lot of marriages end in divorce the first year.” She grimaced. “And I should know that they end in divorce even after the first year.”

“There’s a point, but it’s not like she’s married to the local idiot at the dive bar.” Tammy frowned. “I thought you liked Jason. You don’t think they got what it takes?”

“I think,” Bobbie said carefully, thinking of the conversation she’d had with her daughter a few days earlier, “that even the best relationships can hit a bump in the road. I do like Jason, but Elizabeth’s awfully young—”

“That gave me pause, I’ll tell ya,” Tammy said. She planted one hand on her hip, the other on the counter. “But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. I mean, on one hand, I’d love to see her go out and have a wild couple of years. I think maybe she’d benefit from it. But who’s to say she can’t still have that? It’s not like Jason Morgan’s the sedate kind of guy. She was just talking the other day about plans they got to go traveling this summer—another reason I think she’s considering her two-week notice.”

“Traveling?”

“Oh, yeah. And man, I’m a bit envious. They’re both young. He’s got money and she’s got a list of all these places she wants to see for the art. And apparently he wants to go to Egypt.” Tammy grinned. “It was nice, listening to her. She sounded excited. And she’s had too much tragedy in her life.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“He’s good for her. And she’s good for him. Makes him smile. Keeps him light. Don’t you think?”

“I had trouble adjusting to the idea,” Bobbie admitted. “Because it was supposed to be my nephew for Elizabeth. And maybe it was harder to let go of that than I thought.” And it still took her breath away sometimes to think of the bright, brash, vibrant life lost. Oh, where Lucky might have gone in life if he’d just had the chance?

Where would her BJ have gone?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories. I just—I wasn’t even talking about losing Lucky, though, yeah. I was talking about what happened to her before.” Tammy paused. “Lucky came to visit me once when I was still walking the streets.”

Bobbie blinked. “What?”

“Sweetest thing. He was starting to have feelings for Elizabeth and wanted to make them go away. Because of what she’d been through,” Tammy continued. “He didn’t want to hurt or scare her. I sent him away, of course. He was underage for one thing, and for another, I think it might have helped her to see a life past what happened to her.”

“That’s certainly true.” Bobbie exhaled slowly. “I just worry. There’s so much out there they don’t know about yet. And so much that could go wrong.” So much damage Carly could do with a child that was biologically Jason’s, which was what Bobbie feared was happening. Carly might be content to let the situation lie for now but she wouldn’t forever. Bobbie didn’t want to see Elizabeth walk Robin’s path.

“That’s true for anyone, Bobbie. I think they’ll surprise you. But, like I said, I just want to be ready when she gives notice.”

“Yes, of course.” Bobbie put her things back into her purse. “You know, I’ll take the books with me today, Tammy. I have somewhere to be.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason brought out another mug of hot chocolate and a bagel, along with a new cup of coffee for himself. “I made some calls,” he told her, “And I figured you’d want to know that Max is recovering.” He settled himself back on the sofa, draping her legs over his lap. “Doc says it’ll be a full recovery. He got lucky.”

“Good.”

They didn’t talk about it again until she’d finished her food and set the empty plate on the coffee table, but she could tell his mind was somewhere else. On their conversation earlier? She hoped not.

“About last night—” Jason said, then broke off. “Not that—I mean, at the restaurant. The limo—I’m sorry.”

Elizabeth frowned. “For what?”

He traced the edges of her knee through her sweatpants, not meeting her eyes. “It was my fault.”

“Jason—”

“I want to blame Sonny. I do,” he added, “but he’s not the reason last night happened.” Jason cleared his throat. “I didn’t check the car.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together, taking in Jason’s words. Remembering the night before as he’d hustled her out of the club and into the waiting limo. “You mean to make sure it was Max driving.”

“Yeah. If I’d done that—if I’d done the sweep I’m supposed to do—” Now Jason met her eyes. “That’s what happened to Lily, you know. They were celebrating at Luke’s and Sonny had too much to drink. She took the keys. They hadn’t brought any guards, but Sonny would have checked the car. He was too tipsy, and so no one checked. And Lily died.”

And so had Sonny’s unborn child.

“I didn’t do a bomb sweep,” Jason muttered. “I didn’t check the driver. I didn’t do anything. I just want you out of that restaurant. Away from all those people.”

“Away from Sorel.”

“Yeah.”

She exhaled slowly. “You know that’s why he cut into the dance.” Jason frowned, met her eyes. “Well, I mean, other than to be an ass. He had to know it would irritate you. He waited until we were supposed to leave, and got you mad.”

“And I got careless,” he bit out. He shoved himself to his feet, careful not to jostle her. “I let my anger take over. You could have died. You almost did.” He stalked over to the balcony doors, staring out into the gloomy and overcast January morning.

“You almost did, too,” Elizabeth pointed out. She set her feet down, wincing as she stood and hobbled over to him. “On the trail—”

Jason turned, scowling to find her standing behind him. “You should be—”

“I’m fine—” Elizabeth put her hands on his forearms as they reached out to her. “Look, I’m not going to lie to you. I was scared last night. We’ve already talked about it, and I’m not interested in rehashing it. It happened, and I was scared. And it’s not going to do either of us any good to pretend you’re not right.” She took a deep breath. “You made a mistake. Letting Sorel to get you like that. Not checking the car.”

Jason fell silent, his expression stony, his body tense.

“But I made mistakes, too. I didn’t ask about things going wrong. I didn’t ask about security protocol. Not all of it. I know now that cars should be swept. Checked for drivers.” Elizabeth paused. “I’m new at this, and I’m not always going to get it right—”

“None of this is your fault—”

“If you get to take responsibility for what you did wrong, then I get to take it, too. I was so relieved to be out of there, I didn’t think either. But it makes sense. We just got into the car that was outside because Sonny told us it would be there. We’re both smarter than that, Jason. But Sorel annoyed us.” She tightened her hands on his arms. “So we learn from those mistakes, right? We get to be grateful that we get another chance.”

The tension eased from his body then, and Jason sighed, meeting her eyes. “I wouldn’t blame you if you walked away,” he admitted.

“I’d blame me. I knew who you were, Jason, when we got into this. When I signed that marriage license—nothing here is new.” She made a face. “Except that you were right. I shouldn’t be standing.”

Jason scowled, then scooped her into his arms to take her back to the sofa. “I told you so.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she grumbled, settling back against the pillow. There was a knock at the door, and she sighed, letting her head fall back. He went to answer it.

Jason’s scowl deepened when he found Sonny on the other side. “What?”

“Uh, I wanted to see how Elizabeth was feeling this morning—” Sonny tipped his head around to look at Elizabeth. “Her feet looked pretty bad—”

“She’s fine.”

“Jason—”

“I don’t want to deal with this right now,” Jason told him, his fingers gripping the edge of the door tightly. “Because last night was my fault, too.”

“Jase—”

“You put us in the middle of everything, but I’m the one that put her in the car.” Jason lifted his chin. “We tried dealing with Sorel your way. Now we’re going to do it mine.”

“Yeah—”

“I want a meeting,” Jason cut in again. “Tell me when it’s scheduled.” Then he closed the door and went back to Elizabeth.

A little while later, there was another knock which Jason saw almost as a relief since they were both starting to get bored by watching television. He hoped it wasn’t Sonny, but he definitely wasn’t expecting—

“Bobbie.”

“Do you have a minute?” Bobbie asked. Jason nodded and let her enter. Bobbie hesitated, spying Elizabeth on the sofa, her feet bandaged. “What happened?”

“Broke a glass last night and sliced up my feet.” Elizabeth shrugged. “You know I’m a klutz.”

Bobbie pursed her lips, then turned back to Jason. “I don’t know if you’ve heard about Carly—”

“About her being pregnant?” Jason wanted to know. He slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Yeah. Emily said something.”

“I—” Bobbie cleared her throat. “I debated whether I even wanted to do this. If Carly was right, and I should leave well enough alone. It’s better the way things are,” she continued. “Michael gets to have his parents, and you get to move on.”

“Bobbie—” Jason began, his brow furrowed.

She turned away from him to Elizabeth, who was also frowning. “And I wouldn’t want to hurt you for the world. But I can’t go through this again. I can’t hold this in and wait for another grandchild’s life to get blown up in a year or two.” She turned back to Jason. “You need to tell AJ he’s not the father.”

Jason frowned. “I don’t—”

“And you need to step up. I know it might hurt Michael in the short-term, but it’s the right decision for the truth to come out. It always does,” Bobbie added. “Demand a paternity test, tell AJ it might be yours. I don’t know. But we can’t just pretend. You can’t do this again, Jason.”

Jason closed his mouth, a bit helpless. Bobbie thought that he was the father? How— He glanced at Elizabeth who had dropped her eyes, staring at her lap. If he told Bobbie there wasn’t a chance it was his, would she believe him? Would she keep investigating? Damn it—

“I’m not going to say anything. Not right now. I know that you don’t want to rock the boat. I know that you’re happier without her. Believe me, Jason, I don’t want this for any of us. But this is where we are. And I want to know what you’re going to do about it.”

“I hear what you’re saying,” Jason said finally. “Elizabeth and I need to—we need to talk about it. I’ll handle it.”

“Then do it.”

When Bobbie had left, Jason looked at Elizabeth with some worry. “She’s wrong. It’s not mine. I promise—”

“I know,” Elizabeth said. “You told me that already, and I believed you then.” There was a half smile tugging at her lips, but it was a sad one. “It could have been. You know that.”

“It wouldn’t—” Jason winced, then looked away. He didn’t want to touch that topic with a ten-foot pole.  “I still meant what I said before. There’s no point in blowing anything up until we know if it’s Sonny’s or AJ’s, and whatever Bobbie thinks, there’s a chance it’s AJ.”

“Okay.”

She didn’t sound particularly convinced, and that irritated him. “If it’s AJ, what’s the point in getting everyone upset?” he wanted to know. “It’s none of my business then.”

“Do you think Bobbie’s the only one wondering?” Elizabeth asked. “You think no one is going to say anything to AJ? I just—” She shrugged. “It’s your choice at the end of the day, and I’m not telling you what to do.”

“I’ll figure something out. I promise,” he added. “It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, does it?” he asked, sitting back on the sofa. “You and I know the truth.”

“I know.” Elizabeth forced a smile. “You’ll handle it. And whatever you do, I’ll support you. We can drop it.”

Jason knew they weren’t really dropping it, but there was nothing left to say if he didn’t want to get into the murkiness of his relationship with Carly or the way he’d felt about her only a short time ago.

And he had no intention of ever opening that door.