This entry is part 6 of 7 in the Mad World: At Christmas
There’s something in the wind today
That’s good for everyone
Yes, faith is in our hearts today
We’re shining like the sun
And everyone can feel it, the feeling’s running deep
After all, there’s only one more sleep ’til Christmas
– One More Sleep ‘Til Christmas, Muppet Christmas Carol
Sunday, December 23, 2006
Quartermaine Estate: Family Room
AJ crouched down next to the crate, peering inside. “You know, if I had ever thought about what kind of dog you’d get, I don’t think this would have made the top ten.”
Jason grunted, flicked open the door, and waited for the puppy to come to him. He gently lifted it, then stood. “All the other breeds were too active,” he said, cradling him. “Cameron’s still not…he’s doing better than he was, but—”
“No, that makes sense. You don’t want a dog that will outrun him.” AJ folded his arms, scrutinized the dog. “He looks like a pile of wrinkles.”
“That’s what I thought.” Jason stroked the English bulldog puppy, who yipped, then licked Jason’s forearm. “Uh, listen, Carly told me you agreed to help Monica with him…I really, uh, appreciate it.”
“Yeah, sure.” AJ cleared his throat. “We’re okay, right? I mean, you and me. Not friends,” he added quickly when Jason eyed him. “But we’re done with the rest of it. Civil.”
“Yeah. We’re good.” Jason hooked the leash to the dog’s collar. “I’m gonna take him into the garden before I have to go.” He winced, already irritated that he’d decided to have this conversation. “Do you have a minute? There’s something I wanted to run past you.”
“Sure.” AJ snagged his coat, then followed Jason out towards Lila’s rose garden. “How’s Elizabeth feeling?” When Jason looked at him sharply, AJ lifted his brows. “I know, I’m not supposed to know. I overheard Mom and Em talking about it this morning.”
“Is there anyone who doesn’t?” Jason asked dryly. He set the puppy on the ground, held the leash in his hand, watched him sniff and consider the soil. “She’s good. We’re telling everyone tonight. Carly already knows,” he added, absently.
“I figured that. Congratulations.”
“Thanks.” Jason exhaled slowly. “Listen. There’s something I want to say to you, and I don’t want to have this conversation at all—” He met his brother’s curious eyes. “With anyone ever. So just let me say it, and don’t say anything back so it can be over.”
“Okay,” AJ drawled uncertainly.
“When you came back, you could have made it worse for Carly,” Jason said. He dropped his eyes to the ground, kept them on the puppy exploring the lengths of the leash. “You didn’t. I wasn’t really…I couldn’t be there for her. I know you were. And with Michael. I…I made choices back then. I wouldn’t—it’s hard to regret them,” he admitted, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Because of Michael. But I know I didn’t have a right to those months. I know that. But I can’t be sorry for them.”
“I’m not asking you to—”
“But he’s happy, and that’s all I ever really wanted for him. You could have made it harder. Pushed Carly for more time. You didn’t do any of that.”
“It seemed like the last thing she needed.” AJ folded his arms, his brow furrowed. “And I figured we’d work our way up. We did. What’s the reason for all this—”
“Carly’s been through a lot. You know that. And she’d be mad as hell if she knew I was saying any of this,” Jason muttered. He rubbed his brow. “But she’s having trouble forgiving herself for what happened. And don’t waste your breath telling me or her that she did nothing wrong with Sonny.” He grimaced. “I just—I hate this.”
“Look, I think maybe I know where you’re going with this,” AJ said, and Jason looked up, startled. “I’m not a complete idiot, Jase, though I understand if you don’t have a lot of evidence to support that. Carly matters to me. More than I thought she ever would,” he admitted. “And that’s been an adjustment, I’m sure, for both of us. I’m not looking to make her life more difficult. That’s all I can really promise.”
“That’s…that’s all I want. I…” Jason forced himself to continue. “It was bad for all of us,” he said finally. “But I walked away with everything I wanted. Elizabeth and Cam—they recovered. I don’t know if Carly can say the same. But I wish she could. So…that’s all I wanted to say.”
Spencer House: Living Room
“Hey, I’m back!” Lu called, shrugging out of her jacket. “Maxie’s mom said hi, by the way—”
“I’ll have to call her after the holidays.” Laura emerged from the kitchen, backing out with a tray of appetizers in her hands. She set them on the dining table by the stairs. “Did you—”
“Yes, I got the wine—” Lulu held up the bottle. “Do you need any other help? Where’s Dad?”
“Oh, he’s still at the club.” Laura returned to the kitchen, and Lulu followed. “He promised to be here before dinner—”
“Yeah, I guess people want to enjoy themselves on Christmas Eve. Honestly, kind of wish I were there.” Lulu made a face and sat at the dining table. “Not that I don’t love being with you and Dad. And everyone coming over later, but it’s just…you know, sometimes you’re in the mood for a lot of people. And sometimes you’re not.”
“And this is the first Christmas without Dante since you started dating,” Laura said. She brought her tea to the table, sat down. “Have you talked to him since you went to the funeral?”
“I didn’t even talk to him there,” Lulu muttered. She traced the wood grain of the table with the tip of her thumb. “Haven’t since I went to the station. He didn’t really want me there.”
“Honey—”
“Or maybe he did, and he didn’t want to want me there. Or whatever.” She bit her lip. “Mom, do you ever regret having kids?”
Laura considered the question carefully, leaning back in her chair. “There’s not a mother alive who doesn’t have random thoughts about it. Being a parent demands so much of your time and your energy. The idea of being alone — you lose that. And for women, it’s harder. Because society expects so much from you. More than they do from fathers, that’s for sure. So, yes, there were moments of regret. But, no, Lulu, I don’t regret any of my kids. Even Nikolas, though I’m sure he doubts me. I see him as a gift from a terrible time.”
“Do you think I’d be a good mother?”
“I think you have a lot of love to give. And when you do love someone, you’re relentless. Fearless.” Laura tipped her head. “Those are important qualities to be a parent. But you also have to give away a piece of yourself forever. So do I think you’d be a good mother? Of course. But that doesn’t mean you should be one.”
Lulu nodded. “Yeah, that’s kind of where I’m at on this. I think maybe one day, I could see myself doing it. You know, maybe just having one kid so there’s still room for me. But, um, I think maybe Dante wants more than that. And he wants it now. There’s so much I want to do. I still don’t really know what I want for my life. I thought maybe I’d want to take over Dad’s club one day, but he’ll die in that stupid place, and I don’t think I want to be in a bar anyway. Or right now.”
She sighed. “I’m finished college, so I did what you guys wanted. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, you know? Like what’s the future? It’d be so easy to just…Dante has a plan. He knows what he wants tomorrow to look like, so maybe if I don’t know, I could just go with his. But it’s not what I want. I don’t know what I want, but I know it’s not getting married and having kids already.”
“You’re not obligated to have all the answers right now, honey. Sometimes it is enough to know what you don’t want.”
“Dante and I have been circling this thing for almost a year. Ever since I filed for graduation, and I started thinking about what was next. He wanted us to move in together, and I was okay with that. But then he started setting out this timetable. Like, maybe we could get married by our third anniversary, and then it was how many kids do you want, and it was just—” Lulu held up her hands. “Too much. And maybe too late. Maybe we should have talked about this before—”
“And maybe you talked about it when it made sense. Lu, you don’t have to feel guilty about not wanting the same things that Dante does. I hope he’s not making you feel that way—”
“No. At least he doesn’t mean to. I’m just…I’m sad.” She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sad that we want something so completely different. It’s not like, well, he wants to eat at Eli’s and I want the Grille. It’s — he wants to produce tiny humans and dedicate the rest of his life to making them into good people, and I would rather eat glass.” She met her mother’s kind gaze. “We have to break up, don’t we?”
“I think so, honey. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, me, too. Um, is it okay if I dip out after dinner? I want to…I think I just want to deal with it tonight. I’ve put it off enough.”
Quartermaine Estate: Foyer
The front parlor with the Christmas tree and the presents wasn’t large enough to hold the entire Quartermaine family and its extended relatives, so the party spilled out into the foyer. For the last two Christmases, there had been too many people for a traditional sit-down meal in the dining room, so they’d organized a buffet table that was picked over through the late afternoon and evening.
Children were everywhere, Monica thought, stepping in from the study and smiling as Michael chased his younger brother around the table in the middle of the room, Morgan dodging his advances, clutching something in his hands. Likely the last cookie or brownie or something similar.
Kristina, who had just celebrated her fourth birthday, was clapping her hands and cheering Morgan on. Cameron, so rarely out from under his parents’ careful eyes, was following Michael, his favorite cousin, blocking Morgan from making an escape back into the parlor.
Spencer, the youngest and newest addition to the crew was barely mobile, though he could pull himself up without any help. He was in the parlor, his chubby hands gripping the side of the sofa, his big brown eyes looking at the richly decorated Christmas tree.
Monica stood in the double door entrance, just enjoying the murmurs of conversation around the room, the holiday music playing low in the background. Elizabeth was by the Christmas tree, adjusting ornaments so it would be perfect. She was chatting enthusiastically with Lois, probably about the free clinic that ELQ and GH were co-sponsoring. Knowing Lois, she’d probably convinced Ned to get the city involved with the grants.
Emily was watching Spencer, trying not to hover while Nikolas sat on the sofa, one hand on Spencer’s back but turned towards Edward and Alexis, talking about the latest hospital board meeting. Jason stood, somewhat uncomfortable by the windows, half listening to Carly and Bobbie, but his attention on Elizabeth, worried she was doing too much. AJ and Ned were arguing about an ELQ project — though Ned had stepped down after he’d been elected mayor, it had been difficult to stay out entirely.
The only members of their extended family missing were Justus and his wife, Tamika, though he’d been sure to stop by before heading down to Philadelphia for the holidays to see the rest of the Wards and Tamika’s family.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Alan murmured, sliding an arm around her waist. He pressed a kiss to her temple.
“Just watching everyone. All our kids are here. Their kids are here.” Tears stung her eyes. “But I miss your mother.”
“So do I. But look at the legacy’s she’s left behind. There were times when this family was held together by nothing more than Mother’s grace and some cheap glue. I think she held on long enough to be sure we’d be all right.”
“You may be right.” Monica caught Jason’s eye. “Oh, you’d better go get the puppy. And make sure the note is on his collar—”
“I’ll be right back.”
Monica crossed the room to Elizabeth, took her hand. “How are you feeling?”
“Good. I’m looking forward to tomorrow. Cameron’s going to be so excited—” Elizabeth stopped when Alan appeared in the doorway, holding a puppy. “Oh—”
“Cameron?” Alan called. The room quieted, and Alan repeated his grandson’s name. Cameron, who’d gone to his other grandmother, Bobbie, turned, and his eyes were very big as he looked towards the door and realized what was cradled in his grandfather’s arms.
“Puppy.” Cameron took a step towards the door. “That’s a doggy. You have doggy, Grampy?”
“Well, it’s the strangest thing,” Alan said, moving over to an armchair and sitting down. Cameron followed, his eyes not moving from the wrinkly English bulldog. “I found him in the foyer with your name on his collar.” He showed Cameron the little white tag attached to the puppy’s blue collar.
“That say me?” Cameron asked, touching the tag with his little finger.
“To Cameron, from Santa—”
Cameron’s eyes just widened even further, his mouth dropping. He pressed his hands to his face. “Santa bring me doggy? Mommy.” He twisted in search of his mother, and found Elizabeth who had moved to Alan’s side, her eyes shimmering. “Mommy, Santa bring me doggy.” He turned the other direction to find his father. “Daddy, look what Santa bring.”
“I can see that.” Jason swept Cameron up to sit in Alan’s lap and the toddler reached out a tentative hand to the puppy who licked Cameron’s fingers. He giggled.
“Tickles. He my puppy? I get to take?”
“Well—” Jason crouched next to the chair, in Cameron’s sight line so that he didn’t have to look away from the dog. “I think maybe the puppy has to live here with Grampy and Grammy. That’s why Santa brought him here. At least until we can get him a backyard to run in.”
Cameron furrowed his brow, but his father’s logic seemed sound. If Santa wanted him to have a dog at home, he’d have brought it there. “When we get yard?”
“Soon,” Jason promised. “Until then, I’ll bring you here every day to visit with him. You’ll be able to walk him and feed him. And everyone here will take care of him, right?”
“Of course. We’ll look after him as if he were ours,” Alan pledged. He kissed the top of Cameron’s head. “We’re honored to help.”
“I play with puppy now?” Cameron asked. “Mikey, I gots puppy.”
Jason lowered Cameron to the floor and set him and the dog in a mostly empty corner where most of the children flocked to pet and cuddle with him.
“Thank you,” Jason said to his father. “For doing that—” He cleared his throat. “For all of it.”
“Of course. And I meant that Jason, I was honored to be asked. We’d do anything for Cameron.”
Jason turned to Elizabeth, whose tears were quietly streaming down her cheeks, as she held her clasped hands in front of her. The room was filled with conversations again, so he pulled her into the foyer to find a more quiet place. “I told you I’d find a way.”
“You did. You absolutely did. And you made it magical for him.” She beamed up at him, so he knew these were happy tears. He could handle those. “I know you don’t really get the Santa thing as much, but—”
“I do. He’d have loved the dog no matter who got it for him, but—” Jason looked back to the room to see Cameron lovingly stroking the little dog, with Monica hovering in case any of the kids got rough or the puppy seemed stressed. “Carly told me there’d be something special about watching him get a gift from Santa.”
“And making Alan part of it. It was just…it was perfect.” She leaned up, kissed him. “Just like I knew it would be—”
“Well, that’s only part of it. We need that backyard.” Jason went to the coat closet where their coats hung and retrieved a piece of paper. “That’s the name of a real estate agent. We have an appointment after New Year’s to start looking. And she’s put aside a few places for us to start.”
“I don’t know how you do it. I really—I just wish I had something nearly as good to give to you—”
“You give plenty. You always have.” He kissed her knuckles. “Do you want to go tell them before Emily can’t keep the secret anymore?”
“Yes.” Elizabeth grinned brightly, then tugged him back towards the parlor. “Um, if I can get everyone’s attention for just, like, two minutes?” When the room quieted, and eyes were on her, she continued, “Jason and I just wanted to announce that we’re having another baby. A little boy due in May.”
The room exploded in cheers and clapping, and Edward abandoned whomever he was talking to, and made a beeline for Elizabeth, taking her hand in his. “My dear, what wonderful news. Wonderful, wonderful.” His smile faltered for just a moment. “Lila would have been overjoyed for you.”
“I know.” She kissed his cheek. “But she’ll always be in our hearts, and you’ll be here to tell all the kids about her.” Elizabeth released him, then went to talk to Nikolas and Emily, leaving Jason with his grandfather.
“Congratulations, my boy,” Edward said gruffly. “You chose a shining jewel, though I don’t have to tell you that.”
“No,” Jason said, for once in complete agreement with his grandfather. He looked across the room to see Elizabeth had moved on and was hugging Carly. “No, you don’t have to tell me how lucky I am.”
Spencer House: Living Room
Across town, another home was filled nearly to the brim, especially as some latecomers moved from one holiday gathering to the next.
Bobbie beamed as Luke helped her out of her jacket. “You should have seen him, Luke! I don’t think I’ve seen a little boy so excited by a gift from Santa as Cameron.”
“Nice touch, leaving the dog at the mansion.” Luke tossed it over the hook. “Makes it easier to believe it’s from Santa. Jason’s crazy to take on a dog in a penthouse—”
“Oh, Elizabeth is already working on that, I’m sure.” Bobbie patted Luke’s chest, then went down into the living room proper where Lulu was watching Lucas show off a card trick while Felix refilled drinks — he never knew how to relax and be a guest, even after three Christmases. “Did I miss anything?”
“Well, Lucas and I are thinking about trying to get Daddy liquored up enough to do that old Nurse’s Ball performance. You know the one we did with Mary Mae.” Lucky handed her a drink. “Nikolas and Emily on their way?”
“They’ll be here for dessert. Elizabeth announced she was pregnant just before I had to leave, so I think they got a little distracted.” Bobbie was already turning away and didn’t notice how Kelsey’s smiled dimmed slightly, and Lucky touched her arm.
“Oh, Elizabeth’s having another baby? Is that safe?” Felix asked. “She had such a rough time with the little guy.” He sat on the arm of Lulu’s chair. “But good for her.”
“It’s like baby rabies around here lately,” Lulu muttered. “Is everyone obsessed with having one?”
“Not me,” Lucas said and she whacked his arm.
Laura brushed her hand against Kelsey’s back, gave her a warm smile. “Well, there’s nothing wrong with having or not having babies. As long as everyone is happy with how their lives turned out.” She sent Luke a meaningful look, and after all these years of marriage, he knew that she wanted him to distract everyone.
“You know what? I was thinking maybe the Cowboy has a point. Let’s break out the midnight train to Georgia. Anyone want to help out and do Mary Mae’s part? Barbara Jean?”
Quartermaine Estate: Foyer
Carly bent down to shove another scrap of wrapping paper into the large plastic bag in her hand. The evening had started to wind down after Elizabeth’s announcement, and the kids had dove into their presents. Her mother had headed to her uncle Luke’s, and Nikolas and Emily had followed a bit later with Spencer.
Jason and Elizabeth had torn Cameron away from his new dog — still unnamed as of yet — but not before Carly had taken some photos and set up his new digital photo frame. He’d been clutching it in his hands as his father had bundled him into his coat and carried him towards the door.
“The gifts are in the car—” AJ stopped, leaned against the frame of the double doorway. “You don’t have to do that.”
“My kids were half of the mess,” Carly reminded him. “Or a third. I don’t really know how the math works out.”
“Two-fifths, even though Spencer didn’t really do a lot of tearing. Next year, though, he’ll do his part.” AJ straightened. “The cars are packed up, and if we can drag the boys away from the dessert table in the dining room, we might be able to get them home before the sugar crash happens.”
Carly stopped for a second, closed her eyes, the words washing over her. If we can drag the boys…get them home…
Like they were a unit. A team.
She knew all the reasons it couldn’t happen. Why she could never, ever let it happen, but, oh, man, she needed to get out of here and stop dreaming. The holidays needed to be over so that the cold reality could hit.
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea. Um, it’s really nice of everyone to look after Morgan the way they do.” Carly set the trash bag by the door, then held her hands behind her back. “I mean, I’m not surprised Jason and Elizabeth go all out for him, but I saw gifts from you, from Ned and Lois. And your parents. And Emily, too. They really don’t have to—”
“Morgan’s part of the family. He’s Michael’s brother. And he’s a great kid.” AJ tipped his head. “Just the way Bobbie goes all out for Cameron.”
“That’s—that’s different, right? Because Mama and Elizabeth are close. And she’s always had soft spot for Jason. Your family has no reason to do this — especially when I know they’ve been frustrated with how little time Michael spends here. It needs to be more,” Carly said. “I know that. And we should talk about it.”
“It’s hard, though,” AJ said, “because every night Michael’s here, he’s not with Morgan. And I know it’s important to you that they’re together. They’re brothers.”
She smiled faintly, folded her arms. “I don’t get to have that luxury. My boys have different fathers. You’re in Michael’s life, and that’s the way it should be. I don’t expect you to look after Morgan.”
“Yeah, but I like him, so—” AJ shrugged. “And my parents are easier with you, Carly. They just…they missed a lot of time. And with losing Grandmother this last summer—” His chest tightened, and he took another breath. “They’re just thinking about not losing more time. I get that. We don’t always have the time we expect, you know? We shouldn’t take any of it for granted.”
“Right.” Carly nodded, then started past him, intent on gathering up the boys and heading home, but AJ put a hand on her arm and stopped her. “What? Did I forget something?”
“Look up.” AJ lifted his eyes at the same time she did, and she bit her lip, her heart pounding.
Mistletoe. God damn Quartermaines.
“I didn’t notice that before.” Carly met his eyes briefly, before looking away. She brushed her lips against his cheek, then took two steps into the foyer.
“I don’t think so.” AJ took her elbow, swung her back and she fell into his arms—and he kissed her. Softly. Gently. His hands weren’t touching her anymore, not holding her in place, just raised in the air, caging her in all the same.
Carly went still, almost frozen beneath his lips, and she realized suddenly she couldn’t remember the last time someone had kissed her. When had she last been held? Her throat was tight, and she couldn’t breathe.
AJ drew back slightly. “Should I apologize?” he asked, his words little more than a murmur, his breath warm against her lips.
“No. I just—” She kept her eyes closed, wanted to stay just like this forever. The comfort of his warmth, the safety she felt in this moment. She clutched at his sleeves. “I just don’t know if this is a good idea. For you. I always mess things up for you.”
“I’m not worried about that.”
“That makes one of us.” Disconcerted by all of it, Carly stepped back, her eyes on his—surprised to see nothing but concern mixed with something a bit more—something she wasn’t ready to label. “We should get the boys, right? Before the crash.”
“Yeah. Let’s get them home.”
Dante & Cruz’s Apartment: Living Room
Olivia wagged her fork, flecks of cheesecake clinging to the tines, “I tell her, Lois, you don’t have to tell everyone it was my naked ass in the window. Can’t you keep anything to yourself?”
Lois, perched on the armchair, her own dessert in her hands, gasped. “Liv, you’re not even telling the story right! That’s not what I told anyone! I never told anyone it was your ass.” She smirked. “I said it was Connie’s.”
“Man, why do we always gotta end on a story about your misspent youth?” Dante asked with a shudder. “Ma. Can’t you tell any other kind of story?”
“Lois started it,” Olivia muttered.
“And Connie deserved it!” Lois said. But then she pressed her lips together with a nervous smile. Old stories about Bensonhurst were fun, but inevitably they brushed up against the uncomfortable truth about who Sonny’s father was. Connie was Olivia’s cousin, who had been the woman Sonny had cheated on Olivia with. She’d left Bensonhurst behind and moved to Manhattan with a fancy new name. She never came home anymore.
“Anyway.” Lois set aside her dessert, glanced over at Ned who had joined them for this outing. “We, ah, wanted you all to know—to be the first to know—” she added, “because you know, Ned’s got his family, but I got mine, right? And we called my ma yesterday—”
“Lois.” Olivia arched a brow. “Spit it out.”
“Right. Right. I’m just trying. Um, Ned and I are gonna get married again.” Her cheeks flushed and she tugged a ring from the purse by her side. She slid it on her finger.
Dante scowled. “Seriously?”
“When you get to our age,” Ned started, and was immediately elbowed by his ex-wife, new fiancée, “well, it’s not like we have a lot of time to waste.” He was perched on the arm of Lois’s chair. “And I think most people can say they saw this coming.”
Cruz grumbled and slipped a twenty to Olivia who beamed. “I won! I knew you wouldn’t make it to the end of the year without making it public. Dante, I’ll expect your portion of the pool as soon as possible. And you get the others on the line—”
“Yeah, yeah, Elizabeth is gonna be mad. She had February—and Maxie just missed it by like a week—”
Lois’s mouth gaped. “You are all impossible!”
Dante was still laughing when he headed to answer the door, thinking maybe Lucky and Kelsey had changed their minds about dessert. Instead, he found Lulu in the hallway, and swallowed hard.
“Um, hey. Oh, you’re busy. Of course you’re busy. It’s Christmas Eve.” Her cheeks were bright red. “This was stupid. It’s stupid—”
“No, Lu…” Dante stepped out into the hallway, pulling the door closed. “It’s not stupid. It’s weird not to have you around for this.”
“Yeah.” She crossed her arms, looked down the hallway. “I, um, came over because I think maybe we just need to do this. And I know it’s crazy to say it right now with the holiday and all, but, like, maybe we don’t need to keep drawing this out. There’s always a holiday or birthday, right? We could put this off for years if we use the calendar right.”
“Lu—”
“Because I think we know what’s happening. We just don’t want to say it.” Miserable, she looked at him. “I wish I could tell you that I want the life you want. I wish I could tell you I could want it in five years. Maybe I will, right? Things are weird. People change. But you don’t need to wait around for a maybe. That’s not fair. It’s just hard because I love you so much and this would be easier if you sucked. So maybe you could go cheat on me, and I could hate you.”
Dante smiled, because even now, at the end, with Lulu Spencer, there was laughter. “I love you. You know that, don’t you?”
“I do.”
“And if I thought it was just a few more years, maybe we could keep doing this. But I want the boring stuff, Lu. The family. The kids. The car and garage. I can’t wait for that. And you don’t want it. You never did. That’s okay. I want you to be happy. And domestication? That’s not my Lesley Lu. It never could be. You’d gnaw your leg off in, like, a year.”
She smiled, even as her beautiful eyes shimmered. “I would, probably. But I’d feel sorry about it. You loved me for me, you know? The parts of me that drove everyone else crazy. You liked them anyway. Once you got used to them. I think maybe I can’t see anyone else doing that.”
He drew her into his arms, and they stood there, foreheads pressed against each other. “You were the center of my world when everything else was falling apart. You kept me steady. You kept me sane. And you pushed me back into the work I love. I don’t have what I have today if you don’t stand by me back then.”
“I wanted to bite your ass, so it was worth it.”
He laughed, then kissed her through both of their tears. “I love you, Lu. You be happy, okay? Promise me that.”
“Well, it’s gonna be hard, you know, since you won’t be there. But yeah, I want that for you, too. You find that girl who deserves you. Who loves you even when you brood and doesn’t let you get down on yourself.” She brushed away the tear on his cheek, cupping his face one last time. “You deserve the best. Don’t settle for anything less.”
“You either.”
Brownstone: Carly’s Apartment
With the last stack of gifts perched against her hip, Carly slowly edged her front door closed, and smiled nervously at AJ by the Christmas tree putting the finishing touches on Michael’s new bike. “This is the last of it. I’m sure Lucas and Felix will be happy to get their living room back.”
AJ reached for the stack in her hands, and she jolted when his arm brushed hers. “Mix, Michael, or Morgan?”
“Mix.” Carly took the top three. “The bottom is for Morgan.” She set hers down by Michael’s side of the tree, and AJ found places for the rest. “I went overboard again.” She folded her arms, rubbing them absently. “I should work on that. All those Christmases growing up, you know? I, um, overcompensate.” She glanced over, found him looking at her, then quickly averted her eyes back to the tree. “I was thinking after the holidays, after Jason and Elizabeth figure out where they wanna move, maybe looking in that area. Morgan and Cam will start school together—”
“You know, you can breathe anytime,” AJ said, and she closed her mouth. “You’re nervous.” His lips curved into a slow smile. “I don’t mind that.”
“Oh, hell.” She bit her lip. “Damn it. Yes, you make me nervous. Because I haven’t—I always screw this up, and I don’t get it right. I haven’t even tried to do this in years, and the last new relationship I was in—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I’ve never had a normal one. Not the way you see on TV. Just two people being interested in each other and—I really need to shut up.”
“It’s not like I’m a shining example at this either,” he pointed out. “First serious girlfriend let my dad pay her off. Then I tried to date my brother’s ex, and, well, you know the rest of it.”
“Yeah, you and Jase need to stop dating each other’s girlfriends,” Carly muttered. Keisha, Carly, Courtney.
“I don’t think I have to worry about that.” AJ sat on the arm of the sofa. “I think maybe he and Elizabeth are the real thing, you know? Not like my parents. They figured it out, but they divorced two or three times.” He squinted. “I lost count how many times they sat me and Jase down to tell us they’d always love us, but they didn’t love each other.”
“I forget that sometimes.” Carly sat in one of the armchairs. “They seem so together now. Stable. But it really wasn’t always like that.”
“Once Dad kicked the pill addiction, yeah, he and Mom finally stopped having affairs. I’m glad they ended up together, and they seem happy now, but it wasn’t fun growing up that way. But my grandparents—that’s different.”
“Didn’t Edward have illegitimate children?”
“Just the two. Bradley Ward — his mother, Mary Mae, was before my grandmother was born. And Jimmy Lee.” AJ wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, maybe not them either. Okay, either way, I don’t see Elizabeth being available in my lifetime.”
“Me, either.” Carly clasped her hands together in her lap. “Listen, AJ, we should just forget it. We worked really hard to be okay with each other. Michael deserves that from us. These last few years, it’s the most stable he’s been.”
“Yeah, it’s something to keep in mind, and he needs to be the number one priority for both of us. Which means I don’t burn down any warehouses and you don’t—” he hesitated.
“Jump into bed with someone else,” Carly said with a sigh. “The mess I made of my life back then.” She rubbed her head. “I don’t know what I was thinking. At any point. Sonny never really respected me. Maybe he loved me, but I’m not sure he ever liked me.”
“I like you. Not when we were married, so much,” AJ added. “But I liked you before, when we were friends.”
“Before I drugged you and made you think you were drinking. AJ, how can you possibly think—”
“One day, you should let me tell you about how my dad tried to kill my mom the first time.”
“The first time—” Distracted, Carly let AJ pull her to her feet. “I thought we weren’t going to be like your parents. Or your grandparents.” He tugged her into his arms, and she didn’t stop him. She didn’t want to.
“We already did that part. You know, I think I had it wrong. We are like them. We’re just not going to keep making the same mistakes. We had the first bad marriage where we hurt each other—”
“I hurt you,” Carly said dully. “I drew the first blood.”
“Yeah. But I shouldn’t have married you. We didn’t love each other.”
Carly bit her lip. “Do you think we could…I mean, could that—”
“I think I like who I grew up to be,” AJ said softly, their eyes meeting. She smiled faintly. “And I like who you are. So, yeah. Neither of us are quite who we were seven years ago, Carly.”
“No, we’re not.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “I don’t know how to do this part. I never started anything normally.”
“Well, first—” AJ dipped his head, captured her mouth into another kiss, and this time she responded, sliding her arms up his chest, twining around his neck. He pulled back, his voice not quite steady. “And then I go downstairs to the guest room. Because we’re going to do this right. Not fast. New Year’s. Renaissance Room. Let’s go on a date.”
“Okay.” She smiled tremulously. “Yeah, okay. I’d love to.”
Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom
Elizabeth bit her lip and snuck another look over her shoulder towards the stairs. “I feel like we’re forgetting something.”
“We’re not.” Jason steered her away from the door and closed it. “And you don’t need to check on Cameron again. That’s what the baby monitor is for.”
“I’m working on the hovering, I promise.” Elizabeth sat at the vanity table to remove her necklace. “Oh, I was able to find someone for New Year’s. It was hard because literally everyone is going, including Maxie and Georgie. But you remember Renee?”
Jason sat on the bed, removed his shoes. “From your group?” The youngest of Vinnie Esposito’s survivors, she’d been just sixteen the night he’d attacked her in the park. The same age as Elizabeth had been. “I thought she was at college.”
“She came home for break. Anyway, she’s studying to be a preschool teacher with special education certification. I know she’s only a year and a half in, but—” Elizabeth twisted on the stool. “We won’t stay forever. I know you hate crowds.”
“I don’t hate them. I just don’t like the people.” Jason tipped his head. “But you like them, and as long as there’s beer, I can deal with it.”
She bit her lip. “We don’t have to go, you know. We could stay home. Watch the ball drop from the sofa. That could be fun—”
“We do that every year, and you’re asleep by twelve-thirty because you’re so bored.” Jason tugged her up and into his arms. “This year, you wanted to go to the party. I know you want to go. You bought the dress already.”
“How did you—”
“It’s in the closet. Wrapped in special plastic. It’s new, and you’ve talked about this for a month.” He kissed the tip of her nose, then went to the dresser to change.
“Yeah, but—” Elizabeth made a face. “I hate that you do so much just because I want to. You go to the Quartermaines because my family sucks. And the dog, and the house—”
“I like both those ideas. And your family does suck. Mine doesn’t. Which is as weird for you as it is for me, so don’t make me say it again.” Jason sighed, turned her with his sweatpants in hand. “Is this about last night? Saying no?”
“Maybe. I know, I know, you like to make me happy, and that makes you happy, but I just—ugh. Never mind. I’m just going to accept that you’re telling me the truth and suck it up. There are worst things than a husband who always says yes. Like a neurotic wife who finds something to worry about because life is too perfect. I have to create problems.”
Jason smiled, because that was the truth of course. He didn’t know why it bothered her so much. He wasn’t hard to please, and if he wanted something, he got it for himself. And he had pretty much everything he wanted. As long as the baby was born healthy, and Elizabeth didn’t get sick again—and Cameron kept progressing—what else could he really want?
Elizabeth went to her closet, pushing open the door, the plastic wrapped around the new dress crinkling. She came out with a square package, wrapped in blue paper with white snowflakes. “Here. I wanted you to open this one tonight. It’s not as good as the dog or the house—”
“I gave you the number for a real estate agent,” Jason reminded her patiently. “I didn’t buy the house.”
“Yeah, but you will. So here.” She held out the package, and he took it, and sat on the bed. He carefully stripped the paper away to reveal two frames, one stacked on the other. On top—
His breath caught, and he stared at the photograph encased in the white matte backdrop. It was black and white, but he could see the colors if he thought about it hard enough. “This is last summer.”
“The last time we saw Lila.” Elizabeth sat next to him. “We put Cameron in her lap, and he cuddled with her. You knelt beside the chair, and you were both smiling at Cam while he laughed—I wanted that moment forever. I knew it wouldn’t be much longer.”
It hadn’t been, Jason thought. The call had come maybe a week after they’d brought Cam for his last weekly tea with Lila, always in her rose garden when the weather was nice. He’d adored his great-grandmother. AJ had made the call — Alan couldn’t compose himself, and Monica had been sitting with Edward. She’d died peacefully in her sleep.
“She was the best of us. It was the one thing the old man and I ever agreed on. The first thing, anyway.” They’d found more in common in the years since Cameron’s birth. Becoming a father—truly a father—had changed the way Jason thought about his entire family. Including that gruff pain in the ass, Edward.
“She’s always in you. I look at you, and I see her eyes. Cameron has them, too. And I hope this baby does. So we’ll always have her.”
Jason exhaled slowly, then carefully set the photograph aside for the second frame beneath it.
“I wasn’t as sure about this one—”
It wasn’t a photograph this time, but a painting. Elizabeth hadn’t spent a lot of time painting these days — but she’d kept her studio prepped for inspiration.
“It’s me and Cameron,” Jason said. She blinked at him. “You’ve been telling me paintings for years. And Cameron has explained every crayon scrawl for six months. I recognize the colors you use for people. The peach for skin and the gold for the hair…” He studied the painting, wanting to understand it without her explanation.
It could have been a deal breaker for some women — a man who would never be able to understand what she drew, something Elizabeth held close to her heart. But not for her. She’d simply help him to see the vision she’d laid out. But he wanted her to know he’d been listening all these years, and he could understand better now. Because of her.
He thought he recognized the colors — the whites and greens — the linens at the hospital. “The NICU?”
Elizabeth beamed, her eyes shining. “Yes! It’s from this picture.” She went over to her dresser and brought it back to him. Now that Jason could compare it, he could pick out the details better. “This was the day he was able to regulate his own temperature and he could get a real bed. No more incubator. I really started to believe he’d be all right. You always insisted I hold him longer, but I convinced you to take at least half the time that day. It’s one of my favorite pictures of you with him.”
“I remember the first time I held him. I, uh, it was that night. The first one. I hadn’t slept in maybe eighteen hours. You were still on the ventilator.” Jason set the photo aside, picked up the painting again. “That was the first time Alan felt like my father.”
“You never told me that.”
“Yeah. He was there when I got upstairs. I didn’t want you or Cameron to be alone, and I couldn’t be everywhere. Not everyone could get into the NICU, so when Edward had to leave, Alan stayed. He was reading to him. He told me that parents try to arrange the world so that nothing ever hurts their kids, and I could understand that. For the first time, I could actually understand how you could go so far down a road thinking you’re doing the right thing for someone you love, and have it go completely wrong. I wasn’t ready to see it with Michael, and I don’t think Alan was either. But I was that night.”
Elizabeth leaned against his shoulder. “I’m glad you had someone. That you had him.”
“That’s something you gave me, you know. Another view of who the Quartermaines are. Ned coming to tell you about being the pressure Floyd used to hide your case, the way Edward reacted to finding that out—Monica being on your case. Being there every step of the way. I had more time with Lila because of that. More time with all of them.”
“You let yourself open that door,” Elizabeth said, shaking her head. “I couldn’t take credit—”
“I saw the way your family treated you. That Christmas card? They didn’t come to the hospital during the summer. After Vinnie. When Cameron was born. Even your sister. She called you because she could use you. And have you heard from her since she didn’t take the fellowship at Mercy?”
“No.” Elizabeth sighed. “But I don’t miss them.”
“I know. There are worse things in the world than a family who loves you too hard. I set boundaries with them, and they mostly respect it, but I could that because of you.” He held up the painting. “So when you think you don’t give me anything—don’t. I’d buy you a thousand houses and it still wouldn’t equal what you’ve brought to my life.”
“I love you.” She stroked his cheek. “It feels so wrong to say I love you more now than I did at the beginning, because I don’t know how it’s possible.”
“I love you better than I did then,” Jason said and she smiled again. “Because I know you now in ways I didn’t. And I’ll find a way to love you even better tomorrow.”
“How do you always know what to say? I’ll love you better tomorrow, too.”
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