Help me carry on, assure me it’s okay to
Use my heart and not my eyes to navigate the darkness
Will the ending be ever coming suddenly?
Will I ever get to see the ending to my story?
– Crawling in the Dark, Hoobastank

---

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

 General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Elizabeth set the file down with a heavy sigh. “I hate that the choices are sabotage or sudden cardiac arrest with no warning. I mean, obviously one of them is better for the hospital, but…” she trailed off.

Epiphany nodded, but mercifully didn’t mention why Elizabeth didn’t want to think about the possibility that Jolene, a relatively stable long-term cardiac coma patient had just suddenly died. Not when Sonny had only just been transferred.

“It’s not just what’s in the file,” Epiphany said, “but it was what I saw with my own eyes.” She gestured towards the elevators, though no one was there today. “Matt said Nadine didn’t want to call anyone, but Johnny Zacchara was here anyway. I don’t think there was enough time for her to change her mind. And then I saw the look on his face—” Troubled, she returned to her computer screen. “I don’t like it.”

“I get it. I set Spinelli up in the conference room to go over the tech stuff. I just hope we get answers sooner rather than later.” Elizabeth closed the file, set it on the counter. “Did they say how long it would be?”

“Prelim sometime tomorrow probably. Longer for toxicology. Junior Drake put a rush on it, so hopefully—” Epiphany closed her mouth when Matt came up to the counter, a scowl on his face. “That’s not your nickname, so don’t make that face at me.”

Matt scowled. “Why do you have the Crowell chart? I’ve been looking everywhere for it. Who gave you the right to sign it out?”

“Who are you talking to that way?” Epiphany demanded, fisting a hand at her hip. “I will send you into next Tuesday if you don’t fix your tone and that look on your face.”

“You have no right—”

“I signed it out for Patrick,” Elizabeth interrupted before the head nurse could slap the grimace from Matt’s face. “He wanted to put a rush on the autopsy—”

“Well, he has no damn right to do that either,” Matt said. “I didn’t do anything wrong—”

“No one said you did. Patrick’s thinking about the hospital and about Nadine. Jolene was his patient, and Nadine’s a friend. As well as a co-worker, and before you open your mouth to complain again, you don’t have the pull to put a rush on a cup of coffee,” Elizabeth retorted. Matt made a face, looked away. “The faster Nadine gets answers, the better she’ll be. And that’s before we even talk about who Jolene was. There are pending lawsuits, you know. The hospital attorney needed to be looped in. These are all things you would not know being new to the hospital.”

Matt shoved the file under his arm. “Well, he could have told me. Anyone one of you could have,” he accused. “I’m the doctor on the file, and I damn well shouldn’t be last to know.” He stalked off.

“You know, a good friend would warn Dr. Drake that little angry man is on his way to be a pain in the butt,” Epiphany noted.

Elizabeth smirked. “Yeah, but a best friend knows they need to yell at each other so the rest of us can stop being annoyed. Trust me, putting Patrick on Matt’s shit list is the best thing I can do for them both.”

Coffee House: Office

“Hey, Cody said I should—” Carly froze at the threshold of the office when she saw Jason sitting with Jake on the sofa, an open book spread out on Jake’s lap. “Oh. I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“It’s okay. Come on in—” Jason helped an already squirming Jake off the sofa, and he rushed towards the now familiar blonde.

“Hey, honey.” Carly swept him up in her arms, squeezed him tight. “You hanging out with Daddy?”

“Jake time,” Jake told her, then squirmed to get down again. “Mommy go work. Me and Daddy have Jake time. Then Cam ‘n Jake time.” He flashed his tiny baby teeth at her, then clambered back towards the sofa. Carly watched as he easily settled back in his spot, curled up next to his father.

Had Michael been that happy at Jake’s age? He’d been six months into his new life as AJ’s son, and Carly hadn’t spent nearly as much time with him after they moved into the mansion. How much of her son’s life had she wasted?

Swallowing the bitter thought, Carly cleared her throat. “I won’t take up much of your time, but thanks again for taking Morgan. It’s…it’s such a relief to know he’s in such good hands when I’m not here. I mean, Pilar’s great, but she’s still…” She rubbed her arm. “We’re still getting used to each other, and I’m not ready for overnights without me, so you really made that easier.”

“You made it easier for me last month,” Jason told her simply. “You handled everything so I could focus on them. I appreciate that. And we like Morgan, don’t we?” he asked Jake who grinned at her.

“My best cousin,” Jake said. He giggled, looking at his father. “Only cousin.”

Jason flinched just slightly, then tousled Jake’s hair and got to his feet. “Sit here for a minute, I need to talk to Aunt Carly,” he told Jake. “Look at the rest of the pictures.”

He took Carly aside as she grappled with the sad truth of Jake’s statement. Morgan was Jake’s only cousin. Alexis wasn’t bringing Kristina around anymore, and…

Jake had never known Michael.

“Cam used that on him last night,” Jason told her in a hushed voice. “Said Jake was his favorite brother, but then laughed, because there’s only one brother, so it doesn’t count, and Jake got upset, so we had to explain, and now he’s okay with the joke which is probably why he remembered—”

“No, no—” Carly exhaled a short breath. “No. Of course. And you don’t have to explain. You don’t. He’s a child. A baby. I’m so happy he loves Morgan, so happy they have each other. I never had anyone, and you don’t remember being a kid, but you only had AJ then—” She closed her eyes. “I’m babbling because it hurts. It hurts, and I wasn’t expecting it, and it’s no one’s fault. Least of all that perfect child over there. So, I’m here to thank you, and to apologize for losing my cool when Robin came around. She just—” Carly made a face. “It was too much, okay? Just too much.”

“Yeah, it’s fine—I wasn’t even thinking about it anymore.” He squeezed her elbow. “Relax.”

He was letting her off the hook because of the cousin comment, so she seized it. “Great. Great. Good. Um, I’ll go so you can have your Jake time—”

Jason caught her elbow again. “Hey. Elizabeth wanted to know if we could have Morgan again one night this weekend. There’s some movie they all want to watch, and Morgan was making paper chains with us for Christmas—”

She wanted this for him. She absolutely wanted this happy version of her best friend, who had his son and a real life at home, and there was the bonus of Cameron who was the best friend her little boy could ever want—

Except she wanted to scream and throw something out the window.

Instead, Carly pasted a smile on her face. “Yeah, sure. That’s fine. And I’ll take them next weekend. We’ll start a tradition. It’ll be great.”

Drake Condo: Bathroom

Robin rinsed the remnants of diaper cream from her hands, dried her hands, and left the bathroom, heading down the short hallway that connected the two bedrooms to the main living area. Just before she turned the corner that would reveal her presence to Patrick and her mother, she heard her mother’s voice.

“Is everything all right at the hospital? You seemed a bit frazzled when you came in.”

Robin leaned against the wall, hoping it was just an idle question from her mother, or maybe a reminder that Patrick wasn’t supposed to be going into the hospital at all. Anything other than being right about the flare of curiosity she’d seen in her mother’s eyes earlier.

“Oh, no, it’s all good.” Patrick’s voice sounded vaguely distracted, which was a dual-edged sword. He wasn’t paying attention to her mother and wouldn’t say much — but he also wasn’t paying attention and didn’t know her mother well enough to recognize the warning signs.

She ought to reveal herself right away, Robin thought. Nip the conversation in the bud. But there was a voice in the back of her head remembering all the times Anna had chosen work rather than motherhood. Anna hadn’t seemed interested in shifting her home base from London for the duration of Robin’s pregnancy, so why now?

And even if it was just a coincidence, would her mother seize an opportunity to get back into the field? What if Anna started investigating and tipped off less friendly authorities?

Was her question idle curiosity or a foreboding omen?

“It still seems impossible to me, I suppose, that anyone other than Steve would ever be running GH. He seemed like such an immortal figure.”

“Yeah, he casts a long shadow. So does Alan. A lot to live up to.”

“You seem to be doing admirably enough, but I was surprised when Robin told me you’d taken the position. I’d think with the baby coming along, you’d want to spend less time at work.”

Okay, so that could be criticism, Robin thought. Personal criticism, which was good, meant Anna was just looking out for her daughter. As long as Patrick didn’t feed the flickering embers—

“I felt a responsibility to the hospital,” Patrick said. “The hospital’s important to the community, and to Robin.”

Robin nodded. Okay, that was a good answer. It was a safe response and had the added benefit of being true.

“General Hospital has always been the shining crown jewel of Port Charles. It was such a shame last year, when I read about that nurse who caused trouble. Oh, what was her name? It’s on the tip of my tongue. It must have been quite the mess to clean up.”

Robin pressed her lips together, closed her eyes. Anna was fishing for information, for Patrick to fill in the blanks. Oh, this was not good.

Patrick muttered something Robin couldn’t quite hear, then his voice became more audible. “Uh, well, it wasn’t that bad, um—”

“Emma’s down for her nap,” Robin said breezing around the corner, plastering a bright smile on her face. “What are my other two favorite people up to?” She kissed Patrick’s face and looked at her mother. “Hey, did you ever get hold of Dad? Please tell me he’s on his way.”

“I did. He expects to be extracted by Thanksgiving. He’s sorry, but—”

“It’s just the way things are, I’m used to it. But at least I have you.” Robin turned away, reached for the door of the fridge, ignoring the clear irritation in her mother’s eyes at the interruption.

“Always, darling. Well, I suppose I should get going and let you two enjoy the rest of your dinner.” Anna got to her feet, kissed Robin’s cheek. “I’ll call you tomorrow. We’ll do lunch.”

General Hospital: Conference Room

Spinelli dutifully wrote down every single person who walked past Jolene Crowell’s hospital room, noting the time frame and their manner of dress. He ignored the vibrating phone to his side with Maxie’s name illuminated on the notification screen, and also deliberately refused to let him associate the name on the file with the woman he’d fallen for so hard the previous summer.

Ignoring Maxie and the specter of Jolene might have been difficult tasks on their own, but somehow they cancelled each other out, and Spinelli happily focused on nothing more than times and people. He was under strict orders to keep Maxie in the cold as much as possible because there was no telling what she’d do with the information. Commiserate with Nadine about lost sisters or throw it in the nurse’s face.

Hence the ignoring.

Spinelli clicked the arrows to move through the footage frame by frame, noting the time that Nadine had ducked in to visit with her sister. He’d spied the nurse in earlier footage, speaking with Elizabeth. What a terrible, sad day, he thought, for Nadine to lose her sister so tragically, and for his beloved Stone Cold to have said goodbye to Sonny.

Another pair of legs in scrubs came into frame, and Spinelli clicked forward watching a nurse clad in the familiar uniform come fully into frame, carrying a bag of fluids he remembered well.

Then the nurse stopped, paused for a few frames—

And went into Jolene’s room.

Spinelli scribbled the information down, then continued to click through the frames. She’d stayed only a few minutes — just long enough to change out the bag because when she’d emerged, she had only the deflated remains of a previous bag.

She left the way she came, disappearing out of focus.

Spinelli wanted to send up the smoke signal immediately, but Stone Cold would want more information. Would want to be sure that no one else went into the room before Nadine emerged, calling for the Code Blue.

No one else came near the room. Spinelli reached for the list of expected people that had been in and out of Jolene’s room, though he knew it by heart already. He just wanted that confirmation. He wanted to be wrong. Wanted the Falsely Fair Jolene to have simply died suddenly, but naturally. No mystery for Nadine, who’d been through enough. No guilt for the Septic Son whose family was insane. No chaos for Stone Cold and the family—

But he wasn’t wrong.

The nurse that had changed Jolene’s IV fluids just before the code, while Noble Nurse Nadine was in the room, had not been on the schedule — and she did not match any nurse that was authorized to be on the floor.

And Spinelli couldn’t be positive — would need to consult the notes — but he’d studied the profiles of the nurses when the Fair Elizabeth had been in danger. He didn’t think he’d find their possible assassin anywhere in the file.

Tragedy had struck them again.

With a heavy heart, he picked up the cell, flicked aside Maxie’s messages, and dialed Stone Cold.

Drake Condo: Living Room

Patrick carefully laid Emma back in her bassinet, wrinkling his nose. “I’ve smelled a lot of things,” he told his newborn daughter, “but the stuff that comes out of you is a new category of nasty. You’re lucky you’ve got my dimples.”

Emma fluttered her eyes, batted her hand still tucked in their protective mittens, then closed her eyes and fell asleep. “Yeah, your mother ignores me, too,” he murmured, stroking the back of his knuckle against her cheek, overwhelmed suddenly by the life Robin had created, nurtured, and delivered into the world.

There was a knock at the door, and Patrick hoped it wasn’t Robin’s mother again. He liked Anna well enough, but she never seemed settled. Always up and moving, trying to clean things, moving files around — didn’t she ever hit the pause button?”

Patrick flipped open the deadbolt, and tugged the door open, startled when Matt shoved his way past the threshold, stalked inside. “Hey, what—”

“Where do you get off going anywhere near my patient files?” Matt demanded. “I could have you hauled up before the ethics committee on HIPAA violations—”

Patrick grabbed Matt’s arm and dragged him across the room, far from Emma’s bassinet. “Hey, jackass, there’s a baby here, so maybe you watch your volume, because whatever problem you have, it’s gonna be double if you wake her. Now, what the hell crawled up your ass?”

Matt’s cheeks colored and he looked over at the bassinet. “I—I didn’t think—I’m sorry—”

“Yeah, well, now you’re thinking. What’s the problem?” Patrick repeated. “Because I’m running on three hours of sleep and if you want to keep pushing me, I’ve got a biological weapon or two in that diaper pail—”

“Oh, ew.” Matt wrinkled his nose, then seemed to find his irritation again. “You don’t have the right order a damn thing for any of my patients—”

“Yeah, yeah, I heard that part. Skip to the end or next chapter.” Patrick swirled a finger in the air. “And put it on double speed. I wanna sleep when she does.”

“Jolene Crowell. You put a rush on her autopsy and when I looked at the rest of the file, you ordered a full toxicology report. What the hell is that—”

“She was my patient first, and she’s a former employee of the hospital. I didn’t look at her file so there’s no HIPAA violations or anything. I just put a rush on the autopsy.” Patrick folded his arms. “She’s also the subject of several pending lawsuits, so it’s in the hospital’s best interests to do a full investigation and workup. I don’t want any insurance companies or their mouthpieces accusing me of anything. Anything else?”

“You should have run it past me. If anyone went over your head like this, you’d be ticked off, too, and you know that.”

Patrick dragged a hand down his face, counted to five in his head, then doubled it. “No, you’re mad because I went over your head. Not your chief of staff, but me, Patrick son of Noah. If you’re gonna stomp over here like a toddler, use your big words and be honest.”

Matt’s scowl deepened. “That’s bullshit. This isn’t the first time you’ve gotten involved in a case that should have been mine. Elizabeth Webber was scheduled to come onto my service with her concussion protocol, but you kept her on yours. What, I’m good enough for random strangers but not your friends?”

“No—”

“Because if it was just about covering your ass with the board and the lawyers, you’d have just told me to order the damn extra testing. You also added yourself to the report — you don’t have a right to see that report. That’s a violation—”

“You really think Nadine’s going to give a damn?”

“She wouldn’t if you asked her. But, hey, you’re a big shot chief. You don’t need to ask anyone for everything. You just walk around doing whatever you want to whoever want, and who gives a damn about the rest of us—”

Patrick scrubbed his hands through his hair, squeezed his eyes shut. This was the last thing he needed. It really was. Running on almost no sleep for the last week, a possible murder in his hospital— “Shut up. This has nothing to do with you. You’re not the center of my universe. Three months ago, I didn’t even know you existed, okay? I don’t give a damn about you or your patients.”

Some of the fury faded from Matt’s expression, and there was a flash of something in his eyes that almost looked like hurt. But then they went flat and cool. “Then you won’t care if I take you off the report and you don’t get shit about Jolene’s cause of death.”

Damn it. Patrick exhaled. “Look, I didn’t mean that the way it came out. I just meant—”

“Yeah, I know what you meant. You walked around life thinking you’re an only child. Don’t worry, that’s not changing. You keep your hands off my patients and we can go back to ignoring each other—”

Patrick grabbed Matt’s arm as he turned away, but the younger man yanked himself out of Patrick’s grasp. “Give me a minute okay? Because there’s a reason that I need those results, and I don’t know how much I want to tell you.”

Matt frowned. “What does that mean? If I’m not under investigation for screwing up her case, then why can’t I know? Don’t jerk me around—”

“I’m not. But if I tell you, you can’t go back to not knowing. And I don’t—” Patrick looked past him, cleared his throat. “I don’t know what you’ll do with what you know. You just got here, so GH—it doesn’t mean as much to you as it does to me. Hell, maybe you’ll want to see it go down in flames.”

He pressed the heels of both hands against his eyes. “It’s a mess, and it was supposed to be over. I thought I fixed it. I thought we were done, but it’ll never be over.”

Matt furrowed his brow, seemed to hesitate before he spoke again. “Is this about the dispensary problems we were having? The nurses haven’t complained in weeks. I thought you fixed them.”

“We did. I thought I did. But it’s also about what might have caused those dispensary problems.” Patrick looked up, and met his brother’s eyes. “This hospital, it’s not just a place. A building. It’s…it matters, okay? This place — what it means to Robin, to our family. To Elizabeth and her family. It’s not just a place,” he repeated. “It’s in trouble. Financial, sure. That’s not a surprise. But—”

“You think because I just got here, I can’t care?” Matt asked. “Or because of you? You think I hate you that much—”

“I don’t think you hate me at all, which is the problem, isn’t it?” Patrick waited, but Matt just looked away. “Look, this is your chance to get out of this and not know anything. Just go home, wait for the results. I promise it’s nothing illegal. But if you stay, if I tell you what’s going on, you don’t get to go back to not knowing. There’s no closing the door, Matt. So either you’re in or you’re out.”

Matt dropped his eyes to the floor, remaining quiet for a long moment, realizing Patrick was asking for more than just his trust. Then he raised his dark eyes, so similar to the father they shared. “It’s my hospital, too, and if it’s in trouble, I want to help.” If you’re telling me that you need Jolene’s autopsy report to fix things, I can let it go. I just don’t understand why. If the problem is the dispensary, this should get the board to fix it—”

“The problem was the dispensary. We fixed that. Now it’s whoever caused those problems in the first place—” Patrick’s eyes were grim. “And what they might have done to Jolene Crowell. Someone is sabotaging General Hospital. I don’t know why or who. Only the how. And if I tell you more than that, you’ll be in the middle of the mess, too.” He straightened. “I don’t know much about being an older brother, but I don’t think my first act should be putting your license at risk.”

“Then I guess I’m going to be the stereotypical annoying little brother. Because I’m not walking out of here until you tell me what’s going on and how I can help.”

Patrick opened his mouth, but a door creaked open down the hall and Robin came out a minute later. “Hey, I thought you were going to try to take a nap—”

“I was, but I heard the two of you idiots yelling,” Robin said. “Then my phone rang. Um—” She glanced at Matt, then looked back at Patrick. “Jason and Elizabeth are on their way over.”

“Both of them?” Patrick dragged a hand through his hair. “That can’t be good. Damn it.” He returned his attention to Matt. “This is your last chance, Matt.”

“I told you,” Matt said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

It seems like every day’s the same
And I’m left to discover on my own
It seems like everything is gray
And there’s no color to behold
They say it’s over
And I’m fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober
Feels like I’m dying here
– Fine Again, Seether

---

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

 Drake Condo: Living Room

Robin met Patrick at the door, her eyes wide, her teeth slightly clenched. “Hey, isn’t it great that my mom dropped by?”

He glanced past her, saw his future mother-in-law by the window, then looked back to Robin. Talking about what he’d learned would have to wait until they were alone. “Oh, yeah, that’s great.”

“I do hope that’s all right. Robin said you’d stopped out to pick up dinner, but I assured her I’d eaten—” She eyed the files in his hand. “I thought you were taking some time from work.”

“I am, but you know how it is when you’re the one in charge. Always a form to sign. It’s just something for the board meeting in a few days. Sorry,” he told Robin. “I promise I didn’t talk to one patient—”

“You’re fine. Mom’s just nosy,” Robin said, shooting her mother a look.

“You say that as if it’s a bad thing,” Anna teased. “Did you want any help with that?” she asked, gesturing at Patrick who still held the takeout bag from Kelly’s in one hand, the file in the other. “You can go to the kitchen, I’ll put that over by your desk—”

“No, we’re good—” Patrick tightened his hand on the file, started for the kitchen on his own. “I’ve got it.” He passed Anna and missed the determined set of her face. “Just an issue with a patient.”

Robin furrowed her brow, confused by her mother’s offer. “Hey, you know Kelly’s portions are huge, and I’ll never eat all those fries. Why don’t you split mine in half? Patrick can help me with Emma’s diaper.” She lifted her brows. “Unless you want—”

“No, no, I’ve already done my turn, thank you.”

Once inside the nursery, Robin handed Patrick the baby and closed the door. “What is it? I’ve been dying since Epiphany refused to say anything on the phone. I don’t know why she thinks we’re being bugged—”

“‘She was worried about being overheard on her end.” He laid Emma on the changing table, the newborn batting her fists in the air, kicking and making it difficult for her father to wrestle with the snaps of her onesie. “Jolene went into cardiac arrest and died today. Epiphany had some questions.”

“Jolene?” Robin repeated. She leaned against the door. “She’s been stable for more than a year, hasn’t she?”

“According to her records. Her last lab results were normal. Other than the coma, she’s in—she was relatively healthy.” Patrick disposed of the used diaper. “Epiphany got wind of it from Matt. She’d been transferred to his service when I took the chief position. He ordered an autopsy.”

“Oh. Well, that’s lucky, but why? I mean you and I might be curious as to what would have happened, but Matt doesn’t know any better. And Nadine—” Robin folded her arms. “We never brought her in with the misfires.”

“No. I might have, but then she got mixed up with the Zaccharas and I thought she had enough on her plate.” Patrick laid a freshly changed Emma against his shoulder, stroking her back. “Epiphany might not have really thought much about it, but she thought Johnny was acting strangely at the hospital. I put a rush on the autopsy, so I guess we’ll see what happens.” He looked at her. “I didn’t call Elizabeth or Jason. I figured…”

“It was hard today,” Robin admitted, and he came to her. She slid an arm around his waist, cuddling into his side so that he had Emma in one arm and Robin in the other. “But I’d feel better if we told him. Just in case.”

“You know him better than me.”

“I’d rather keep him looped in than have to catch him up later. It’s sad for Nadine,” Robin admitted. “They weren’t close, and Jolene was a difficult person. Still — that was her family.” She flicked her eyes towards the door, then back to Patrick. “I’m gonna make the call in here. I don’t want Mom to overhear. The last thing we need is for her to get curious and start asking questions.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

It wasn’t so long ago that Jason had to resort to brooding over a beer at Jake’s or riding for hours on the bike just to keep himself distracted, and if he was feeling particularly miserable, he’d pick a fight to have someone to punch.

It was easier now, he thought, guiding Jake’s tiny fingers to fold the strips of construction paper and create a link in their paper chain. He could come home to the boys and just let Cameron talk about anything or everything. He could read to Jake or pretend not to see Elizabeth picking up her pencils and sketch pad.

And a distraction was exactly what he wanted for himself tonight, and he was glad that he hadn’t had to worry about Carly being on her own tonight. She’d be in Manhattan with her mother, not alone. She’d been prickly at the hospital, and Jason knew her mercurial mood would shift from picking at Robin to picking at him or someone else in her way, and if that didn’t give her the relief she’d need—well, that’s when things could get hairy.

But he’d wanted a night for just their family, including Audrey who had been happy to remain after watching Jake that morning. She was perched on the edge of the armchair happily cutting strips of paper for the boys to curl into links, talking about the upcoming Thanksgiving holidays. Jake needed help to make the links, but Morgan and Cameron had no issues — except they kept getting glue on their hands and chasing each other with their sticky fingers.

“I was so hoping I could convince Steven and Sarah to join us this year,” Audrey was saying when the phone on the desk rang. Jason lifted Jake from his lap and set him on the sofa next to his brother. “But Steven is working, and Sarah said she and your parents have made a commitment to some friends in Napa. They said we were welcome, but—”

“Well, that’s not going to happen,” Elizabeth replied, rolling her eyes. “Which they knew which is the only reason they invited us. Can you imagine packing the boys up, flying across the country to have dinner with them?”

“Well, I can keep trying to make your parents at least pretend not to play favorites,” Audrey said with a sniff.

Jason picked up the phone, half-listening to the conversation, wondering why Audrey bothered reaching out to the family members who couldn’t be less interested. “Hello?”

“Jason? Hey. It’s Robin. Is this a bad time?”

“No. It’s fine. What’s up?”

A few minutes later, Jason placed the phone back on the receiver, angled himself away from the rest of the room, absorbing Robin’s news. Or lack of news.

“Is everything all right?”

Jason looked up, found Audrey and Elizabeth watching him. “What?”

Elizabeth set down the glue stick she’d been using and stood. “Gram, can you—”

“Of course. Cam, why don’t you get a piece of this construction paper and show your brother what you learned to draw in school.”

Elizabeth came towards him, and Jason took her by the arm and led her towards the hallway. But he didn’t stop there — he went around the corner and into the other penthouse. He flipped on the light, then closed the door.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, folding her arms. “You’re kind of freaking me out.”

“Jolene Crowell died today.”

“Jolene—Nadine’s sister?” Elizabeth furrowed her brow. “I don’t understand. Nadine said she was going to visit with her sister today while she was waiting for us. She didn’t say anything about her condition changing.” She exhaled in a slow breath. “Was it sabotage?”

“They don’t know. Whatever it was, it wasn’t worrying enough to escalate it to Patrick through any official channels. Matt Hunter ordered an autopsy, but according to Robin, Epiphany thought Johnny was acting weird at the hospital.” Jason scrubbed a hand down his face. “I thought we were done with this. Either it was a coding glitch or Karpov using you to screw with me. Or maybe it was just some hacker screwing around. Either way, Spinelli’s firewall fixed the issues, and I got rid of Karpov.”

“Well, we don’t know anything for sure. Just because Jolene wasn’t in critical condition, that doesn’t mean there wasn’t an underlying problem. And long-term coma patients—” Elizabeth hesitated. “This happens sometimes,” she said softly, and Jason looked away, thinking of Sonny and Michael. Would that happen one day to them? Would they wake up and find they’d lost one in the night?

“I know, but it’s—it’s the timing. Sonny is transferred today, and Jolene, who’s been stable the entire time, goes into cardiac arrest?”

“You’re thinking of what happened the night I got the first warfarin doses. You said Karpov brought someone to Sonny’s house, framing Johnny for Kate’s shooting. I was targeted to distract you.”

“Yeah.” Jason nodded. “Yeah, I am. I thought I got rid of Karpov, but I just got him tangled up in red tape. Maybe it wasn’t enough. Maybe he was laying low—”

“But what’s the connection to Nadine? I thought Johnny wasn’t involved in any of this. Does it make sense to go after his comatose sister-in-law?”

“Johnny’s not involved, but his father is. The Russians—they go after families. They feed on the terror. Karpov using you to hurt me? To make sure I wasn’t focused on Sonny — yeah, I believe that. It’s why—”

“Why you pushed me away even harder when Karpov showed up,” Elizabeth said softly. He looked at her. “Because before, maybe I get hurt in the crossfire. Maybe I’m in a car meant for you, like Lily. But with Karpov, I was the weapon. And the boys could be.”

He exhaled slowly. “If they wanted to use Jake or Cam, they would have done that. No one was surprised when we told them I was Jake’s father. People knew. They didn’t believe you last year. But I never left them unguarded. After Michael, there was always someone on you. On Jake and Cam. They couldn’t get close, but—”

She nodded. “I knew that. There was always a car outside the house,” she added when he looked back at her. “And Lucky saw them, too. He figured after Jake’s kidnapping, as much as he hated the truth, he wasn’t going to turn down extra security. I think most parents wouldn’t mind a bodyguard just trailing after their kids.” Elizabeth waited a beat. “But that wouldn’t have been enough. Especially when they were with my grandmother. They didn’t use Jake or Cameron. They went after me in the hospital.”

“Because they already had the system in place,” Jason said slowly. “Spinelli said that he couldn’t pinpoint which patients had their medications screwed with, but he could confirm that they had. You couldn’t have been the first. You were just the only case with a complication that couldn’t be explained away.”

“Spinelli said that it would be difficult to figure out exactly what happened, but he didn’t say it was impossible.”

“I’m going to call him. I don’t want to wait for the autopsy to come back. I want to know anything that happened to Jolene Crowell as soon as possible.”

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

“You’re sure we filled out those forms right?” Nadine asked, as Johnny closed the door and flipped the locks behind them. “I didn’t know we had to make all those decisions right away. Did I make the wrong ones?”

“Who decides it they’re wrong?” Johnny asked. He reached for her hands, clasped them between his own. “I think cremating her and taking the remains back to Ohio to be buried with your aunt is a good idea.” And since Nadine had looked at him in horror when he’d suggested he’d cover the costs of transporting Jolene back to Ohio to be buried, cremating her first was less expensive.

“I don’t even know how Epiphany talked me into having a service,” Nadine muttered, dragging her jacket off and hanging it up. She ran her fingers through her hair, took another deep breath. “No one is even going to come. She was a killer, Johnny. There are going to be people who think she got what she deserved—”

“There are people who will want to show you support,” Johnny said, hoping like hell that was true. He put his arm around her shoulders, steering her towards the bedroom. “It’s okay. We made the decisions we needed to tonight, and the rest can wait—”

Nadine spun around at the doorway, planting her hands against the door frame on either side. “Matt said we needed an autopsy. To understand what happened to her. I said yes. Because if I’d told him the truth, he’d have thought I was crazy.”

“The truth?” Johnny echoed.

“It’s me. My fault. I’m cursed.”

“Nadine—”

“I lost patients in the ICU this summer, and I tried to help you and Lulu, but I failed at that. I tried to help Nikolas, and he just got annoyed at me. I volunteered at the clinic, and it burned down—” She squeezed her eyes closed. “And Sonny? I was there, too—”

“That was not your fault,” Johnny cut in sharply, and she closed her mouth. “That’s on me. On Sonny. Never you. None of this is your fault. Tell me you know that.”

“I—” Her face crumpled, and the tears started again. He felt like a real asshole. Great job, he told himself, taking her in his arms, her body trembling. Yell at her. That’ll fix everything.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t want you to blame yourself, okay?” He rubbed her back. “You’re a good person, Nadine. All you want to do is make people better. Heal them. You’re not cursed.”

“That’s—” She hiccupped. “Bad things keep happening, and I don’t know why.”

“Because you’re a nurse,” Johnny said, the lie sour in his throat. “You’re not going to win every battle. Jolene was in a coma. They never thought she’d wake up. Matt will get the autopsy, and you’ll know it wasn’t your fault. Okay?”

She dropped onto the bed, scrubbed her hands over her eyes. “I know you’re right. I know it’s stupid to think any of this is on me. But I fix things, okay? And when I can’t fix a problem, I try to understand why, and I don’t like that I can’t. The universe being a bitch isn’t really something I want to accept.”

He should tell her. He should absolutely tell her that he was responsible for her sister’s death. He’d had a chance to stop this. If he did what Jerry Jacks wanted— but what would she say if he’d turned on Jason, the man that had protected them?

What would Nadine think if she knew Johnny had protected his sister—that he knew who’d put that ten-year-old boy in a hospital bed for the rest of his life?

“Let’s wait for the autopsy results,” Johnny said finally. “You’ll feel better when you have answers. Do you want dinner or something?”

“God. No, I couldn’t eat right now. I just want—” Nadine bit her lip, her eyes swimming with tears again. “I know this is going to sound stupid and weird, but I just—could you just lay here and hold me?”

The weight was crushing, but he couldn’t say no. Couldn’t refuse her. Not when he was the reason that any of this was happening in the first place. He’d come to Port Charles, and Sonny had treated Johnny like the root of all his problems. He’d thrown Johnny into that asylum, and everything that had happened since then was Johnny’s fault. Because his sister had been avenging him, Michael was in a coma, Sonny had followed, and now Nadine’s sister was dead.

The least he could do was give Nadine the comfort she deserved, even if he wasn’t worthy enough to touch her.

“Yeah. Sure.” He kicked off his shoes and crawled into the bed next to her. She came into his arms, and he curled her close, fitting their bodies together as naturally as they did every night. This was his wife, Johnny thought. They’d taken those vows to protect each other, and he hadn’t done a good job honoring them.

That had to change. He would make sure none of this ever touched Nadine again if it was the last thing he ever did.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Careful, Cam—” Elizabeth steadied his hands as the little boy swiped the glue stick awkwardly on the ends of his neon yellow strip of construction paper. “We don’t want to get glue in your hair again—” She glanced over at the door, biting her lip, wondering if Jason was all right.

Audrey stepped off the bottom stair. “Jake’s down for his nap,” she told her granddaughter, returning to the sofa and reaching for a strip of paper to make her own link in their growing paper chain. “Jason isn’t back yet?”

“No.”

Audrey watched Elizabeth look at the door again. “If you want to just check on him, I’ll be here with the boys.”

“I—” She shouldn’t. It was business, and she wanted him to know that he could trust her. But what if he’d finished his calls and was sitting over there by himself, in the penthouse where Sonny had lived, where Jason had raised Michael— “I’ll just pop over real quick and see if he needs anything. Morgan, Cam, I’ll be right back.”

She crossed the hallway and lightly knocked on the other penthouse. When there wasn’t a response, she twisted the knob — it turned easily in her hand.

Jason was inside, sitting by the fireplace, the closed phone in his hand. He looked over at her entrance, got to his feet. “Sorry—I—I lost track of time—”

“Maybe it’s not a good idea to use this place for business while we’re at the penthouse,” Elizabeth said, catching his hand as he passed her. He paused, sighed, then turned back, his eyes shadowed. “There’s too much history—”

“It’s just a place. Four walls. It doesn’t have to—” Jason exhaled slowly. Looked back at the fireplace. “We were sitting there the day Sonny told me he was leaving. That he wasn’t going to take Brenda with him. He asked me to make sure she hated him so that she wouldn’t follow and get hurt.”

Elizabeth rubbed his shoulder. “It was a horrible thing he asked you to do. I’m sorry.”

“I didn’t want to. I asked him not to make me, but it was an order.” He grimaced. “Not the first I regretted following, and not the last.” Jason exhaled, shook his head slightly. “It’s just a place,” he repeated, a bit more softly. “I lived here for a little while, and now I don’t. It won’t matter after we go back to the house. I’ll keep this all away from you—”

“Maybe—” She bit her lip. “Maybe I don’t want you to.”

Jason frowned, looking at her again. “What?”

“I mean, I’m not saying that I want to be in the business, but we both agree that there’s no way out for you. Not right now. Not without leaving everything and everyone we love. You’re in it, Jason. And I’m with you. I don’t want to pretend that you get up and go to work as a coffee importer. I don’t want you to ever think I don’t see you.” Her voice faltered. “Because I love every part of you. Even the ones you think I can’t.”

He exhaled, his breath a bit shaky. His fingers tightened on hers, then he stepped forward, cupped her face, and kissed her, slowly, lingering. “I love you.”

Manhattan, New York: Silver Water Rehabilitation Center

Carly sat next to the bed, took a deep breath. “You look taller,” she murmured. “I don’t know if that’s possible, but it feels like it could be. It makes sense. You’re supposed to be hitting puberty, right?”

She stroked his blond hair back from his forehead, noting that it was a bit shaggy and would need to be cut. “I’m sorry I haven’t been here more often. I’ve been distracted back at home. Your…your father’s here now. Down the hall from you. I wish I could say it’s just a visit, but he’s here to stay.”

Carly waited, trying to force words out over the lump in her throat. “We miss you so much, Mr. Man. Your dad and I—we love you so much, and when you’re not with us, it feels wrong. It is wrong. You should be awake, running around. Terrorizing your little brother. You deserve the whole world, baby, and it kills me I can’t give it to you.”

She leaned back. “A lot’s happened since I came here a few months ago. Um, Jax and I had a fight. Not surprising, I’m sure. I don’t know if we’ll be able to fix it. I don’t know if I want to. I think sometimes…sometimes he’s in love with an idea of me. And I can’t ever measure up to that. Maybe for a little while I make it work, but I mostly fail. That’s not your problem, but I know you care about him. So does Morgan. But it’s not really enough.

“What else? Let’s see. Morgan started school this year. Pre-school at Saint Andrew’s. He has a new best friend. I guess he’s sort of your cousin, depending on how you look at it. Grandma Bobbie claims him as part of the family, so there’s that. You probably don’t remember him—Cameron. You know Elizabeth, though. She was always…” Carly rubbed her chest. “She was always kind to you. Anyway, Morgan and Cam get along really well, and it’s helping your brother cope with not having you anymore. But if you could just…if you could wake up, baby, and come home, I just know you’d be the best big brother and cousin a couple of boys could ask for.”

She waited a long moment, but nothing changed. Michael’s chest still rose steadily, assisted by the ventilator. His eyes remained closed. His arms still at his side, laying against the gray blanket she’d brought from home.

“Uncle Jason’s doing okay. I know you’d be worried about him. He…wasn’t for a long time. What happened to you scared him, baby. But I think he’s handling it better. He’s…” Carly bit her lip. “Elizabeth is back. You remember when she lived across the hall for a little bit when you were younger? Well, she’s with your uncle now. And her son, Jake. He’s Jason’s son. Which makes him your cousin. He’s part of the family. Another reason I’m glad Morgan and Cam have each other.”

Carly ran a hand through her hair, sighed. “We’re okay back home. I don’t want you to worry about any of that. We miss you. We want you to come home. When you’re ready.” She reached into her bag, pulled out a comic book issue. “I brought the new Batman. I’ll try to describe it all to you, but any time you want to wake up and look at the pictures, you do that, baby.”

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Jason sat on the edge of the bed, staring down at a text notification on his phone. “Carly. She said Sonny’s checked in and settled. She and Bobbie are at their hotel for the night.”

Elizabeth sighed, then sat next to him, resting her chin on his shoulder. “That’s good.”

She reached for his phone, closed it. “You’ve spent enough time on that today. It’s been a long day, and I have a bad feeling tomorrow isn’t going to be better.”

“Probably not.”

“Come on.” Elizabeth scooted back towards the headboards and pillows. Jason rose, then came around to his side of the bed, sliding beneath the covers and pulling her into his arms. She snuggled against him, and he stroked her hair. “Morgan and Cameron went through our entire pack of neon construction paper. We need to get more.”

Jason’s lips curved as he thought about the colors that would decorate their first Christmas tree as a family. “How many pieces ended up as links on the paper chain?”

“Twelve. He’s getting better. Morgan made eight. He wants to give us half and take the rest home to his mother.”

“You were right. About the penthouse. I finished my calls in ten minutes, but then I just sat there. Thinking about Emily.” He closed his eyes against the burn of tears that never seemed to be far away. “I was on the island. I was looking for her. I wanted to bring her to you, to make sure she was safe, and I couldn’t.”

“Jason—”

“Diego came after her because of me. He nearly killed you because of me. And now Nadine has lost her sister because of—”

Elizabeth leaned up on her elbow, her hand resting against his heart. “Don’t do this to yourself, Jason. If there was a chance to save Emily, you would have taken it. You would have given your own life to save her. You know that. You nearly let a madman push you off a roof on the small chance that I would be able to live.” She grimaced when he didn’t say anything. “I think that place just absorbs negative energy. It’s so dark, and even when the sun is out, it feels like there are shadows everywhere. It never did Sonny any good to live like that, and I don’t want it for you. You carry enough guilt. You don’t need to sit in a room that just puts more of it on you.”

Jason sighed. “I’m sorry. We were talking about Cameron, and you were trying to distract me. Maybe we should just go to sleep.”

Elizabeth sighed and rolled way to switch off the light. The room sank into darkness, and he closed his eyes, willing his brain to switch off. To just slide into sleep and let all of this go away for a little while.

“Well, this isn’t working,” Elizabeth said, sounding wide awake at his side. He heard the rustle of sheets, felt her wiggling next to him.

“What are—” Jason leaned up on both elbows, then stopped when Elizabeth popped back out above the covers and tossed something off the bed. “Was that—”

“Quiet. I’m distracting you.”

“I’m—” He took a deep breath when she slid one leg across his middle, and he realized she’d tossed her sleep shorts out of the bed. “I’m distracted.”

She leaned over him, feathering kisses from his collarbone down to his chest, and then she kept going—when she reached the top of his sweats, Jason caught her elbows, dragged her up, and rolled them over so that she was beneath him, smirking. “I was just getting to the good part—”

“You’re not the only one who knows how to distract.” He captured her mouth, pinning her wrists above her head so her hands couldn’t wander. “But you go there, and this is over too fast.”

“Fast is fun.” Elizabeth hooked a leg over his waist. “You usually like it that way—”

“That…” He leaned down, nipped at the soft skin beneath her ear, nibbling his way down her neck. “That was when we didn’t have a lot of time. We have all night now.” He slid his thumbs beneath the strap of her tank top and slid it down her arms. “So if we’re going to distract each other, let’s do it right.”

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

Even after Nadine fell into a troubled sleep, Johnny couldn’t follow suit. Couldn’t turn his mind off. He carefully closed the bedroom door and went to check the phone he’d left charging. There was a single text message from an unknown number.

The same number that had called him earlier that night.

You should call me.

With trepidation, Johnny pressed the redial button, then lifted the phone to his ear. When the call connected, he didn’t bother with a greeting. “What do you want?”

“Is that any way to greet someone?” Jerry asked. “I just wanted to see if you understood my message.”

Johnny’s free hand curled into a fist. “Yeah, I got your message, and you can—”

“If you’re taking that tone with me, I don’t think you do. I could have sent my little friend in there at any time and no one would know she existed. I have eyes everywhere, my friend. As easily as I took one Crowell sister, I could have had the other.”

His heart thudded, and Johnny turned to look at the bedroom door where Nadine was safe, still asleep.  “What?”

“Oh, you didn’t know? Perhaps dear Nadine doesn’t know either. My message was delivered while she was in the room. With just a whisper from me and a syringe to the carotid, you’d be burying a wife, not a sister-in-law.”

Johnny blindly reached out for the sofa, his knees buckling. The murderer had been in the room with Nadine. Jerry had chosen to have Jolene killed, but it easily could have been—

“I trust you understand me now. I’m willing to be a little patient for you to get into Jason Morgan’s good graces. But the clock is ticking.”

Let me know the way
Before there’s hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I’ve got to make a play
To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say the devil wants to know
– Criminal, Fiona Apple

---

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

 Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

Johnny had been pacing the length of the apartment for what felt like hours — he’d tried to distract himself with movies, with television — hell, he’d even gone for a run which he hated. But he found himself right back where he started, going from the bedroom door at the far end of the apartment to the edge of the living room wall.

He wanted to call Nadine, wanted to go see her, but couldn’t for the life of him think of a good reason to just show up at the hospital and bother her at work.

But—

The ring of his cell phone jerked him out of his circular thoughts, and he all but dived for the phone charging on the table next to the sofa. “Hello?”

“You sound out of breath, my friend.”

Johnny’s fingers clenched the phone more tightly. “What the hell do you want?”

“Oh, just wondering why you’re still at home and not at the hospital with your wife.”

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

 General Hospital: Hallway

Nadine sat stiffly in the hallway, her arms wrapped around her upper body, staring down at the linoleum tiled floor. She knew. She knew what was going to happen even before the code team had shuffled out of the room.

A doctor—an intern she didn’t even know—had looked at her with puppy dog brown eyes and told her they’d done all they could, but her sister was gone. Someone would be there shortly to discuss what was next.

And then the code team had gone, leaving her alone in the hallway. She sat down, waited.

She felt the weight of someone sitting beside her.  “Nadine.”

She looked over, wondering if her eyes looked as empty as she felt, and recognized the doctor with whom she’d clashed with so often over the summer. But none of that hostility was in his eyes, only warmth, compassion — pity. She took a deep breath. “Matt.”

“Your sister was on my service. I didn’t—” He looked back towards the room, his eyes squinting slightly. “I don’t know what happened.”

“She died.” Nadine licked her lips. “My sister. She just…” With an empty, helpless gesture, she lifted her hand in the air, then dropped it again. “She coded.”

“I know, it’s just—” He shook his head. “Never mind, that—I’ll look into it. Do you—is there someone I can call? Did you call your husband already?”

Her husband. Because that’s what you did when things went wrong. You called your family. She didn’t have any of that, not really. Nothing real. Nadine lifted her head, looking at him. “Did you ever go to see Robin?”

Matt drew his brows together, thrown by the change in topic. “What?”

“Last week. I saw you—you kept walking up to her door and walking away. Did you ever go in?”

“No. I didn’t—” He closed his mouth when Jolene’s hospital room door opened, and a pair of orderlies rolled a gurney out of the room, a sheet drawn up over the figure.

Over her sister’s body.

“She killed people, did you know that?” Nadine looked at him. “My sister. She came here and took money to tank the hospital. Make them look worse, drive their stock price down.”

“Do hospitals have stock?” he asked, and she smiled lightly.

“I don’t know. I don’t even really understand what Jolene was asked to do, but she’d have done anything for money. But then she got hurt,” she murmured, staring at the empty hospital room where her sister had lived for the last year. “She threw herself in front of Spinelli and ended up in a coma. Now she’s dead.”  That was it. Her sister’s entire history, all that would be featured in the obituaries. If anyone still cared enough to write one.

“Let me call someone. Epiphany or — Spinelli.”

“I grew up with her, Matt. We shared a room. Argued over clothes, boys, the car, anything you can think of. She was my family. All the family I had.” Nadine got to her feet. “You should have gone in the room, Matt.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call—”

“I don’t feel anything. I know that’s shock, how grief can hit you, but there’s just…nothing.” She furrowed her brow. “I wasn’t prepared for what it would feel like to be empty.”

“It’ll hit,” Matt said. He stood, a bit awkwardly, his body already angling towards the hallway. Towards escape. “Nadine—”

“I’m okay. Just—” She held out a hand. “Give me the paperwork. Whatever I have to sign.”

Crimson: Lobby

Maxie jumped to her feet when Kate stepped off the elevators, her large blue eyes wide. “You’re back. I thought—”

“I didn’t wait for them to—” Kate stopped and took a deep breath. “I didn’t wait for the transfer.” The thought of standing there, watching Sonny being rolled past her towards an elevator— She couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t manage it. She sailed past Maxie, into her office. “How did the conference call go with New York?”

Maxie followed her. “Mina handled everything. Really, Kate. I can handle things from here if you—”

“Want to go home to my empty house and wallow in the emptiness of my future?” Kate asked dryly. She sat behind her desk, reached for the mail Maxie had already sorted. “I suppose if I were really the widow, I could drive behind the ambulance to Manhattan, wailing into my—” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit on edge. You’re only expressing concern, and that’s kind of you.”

“You don’t need to apologize. Really.” Maxie twisted her fingers together. “Everyone deals with things however they want. And you know, it’s not—it’s not like he’s…”

“It’s not like he’s dead,” Kate murmured. “It felt like a funeral. His loved ones gathering. I think his father came up yesterday. Jason was there. I saw Robin Scorpio as I was leaving, and I know she was close to Sonny once.” She tipped her head. “All of us, saying our goodbyes, standing by his bed as if life support were being removed. I suppose that’s why I didn’t wait for the transfer. It would have been like watching pallbearers.”

Maxie smiled weakly. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I get it though, you know, why everyone is doing that. Before, um, before Lulu went to California, I gave her one last pep talk. But mostly I just wanted a chance to talk to her. Even to argue. I wish…I guess maybe when you’ve lost someone, you don’t want to leave the words unsaid. Sonny’s not dead, but it’s kind of like he is. Even if he comes home one day—”

“He’ll come back to a different world.” Kate tipped her head. “I suppose that’s fair enough. With what Jason and Carly have lost this year. You never know when it’s the last time.”

“I don’t remember the last thing I said to my sister.” Maxie looked down at her nails, cleared her throat. “It used to keep me up at night, wondering if maybe I’d said something awful or teased her about Spinelli. You’d think—” Her voice faltered and it seemed thinner when she spoke again. “Georgie and Coop, they’re not even the first people I’ve lost. Three years ago…my boyfriend, Jesse. He was shot in the head. Died on the table.”

Kate laid both her hands flat on her desk, considered her assistant in an entirely new light. “That’s an awful lot of loss for someone so young,” she told Maxie. “I’m so very sorry—”

“I’m not, like, saying it because I wanted pity. Because I don’t. I’m fine now. It’s just—I kind of admire how you’re holding up. I wish I’d been able to do that. To just…not…” she smiled grimly. “Spiral out of control, but maybe it’s the only way I know how to do anything.”

“And how am I holding up?” Kate rose to her feet. “Like a pillar of strength?” Her tone was cool now, but Maxie wasn’t deterred.

“You came back to work. You didn’t decide to make everyone else’s life miserable, too. I did that. When Jesse died. I kind of went insane for…maybe a year, I guess. But your way is better—”

“Better.” The older woman reached for her purse. “To go through life never feeling anything? You think that’s better?”

“No, but—” Maxie bit her lip. “It’s better than getting involved with a married man and feeding his pill habit, then faking a pregnancy, then a miscarriage so he’d feel bad for you.”

Kate blinked. “Well, I suppose that’s…the other side of the coin. A bit extreme, I’ll grant you.” She waited a moment. “Working at Couture was everything I always wanted. And I had to let go of that dream. Create a new one. I never thought Sonny would ever come back into my life, and then he did.” Her lip trembled slightly, and she closed her eyes. “Just like when we were kids. He burst in, broke me to pieces, and then left.”

“I thought you were the one that left him back then.”

“He left first. Working for Joe Scully. He wouldn’t even think about a real future. All he ever wanted was enough power so no one would ever lock him in the dark again. But it was never enough for him.”  She looked away, took a careful breath, a glimmer of tears in her eyes. “And now, well, all he has is the dark.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

Nadine stared at the clipboard, the tip of her pen resting just above the paper. Name of decedent. Jolene Leigh Crowell.

Her sister was dead. Her superficial, shallow, greedy, homicidal sister was dead. She had to decide whether to bury her here in Port Charles, bring her home to Ohio, or cremate her. What would she even do with the ashes? Did Nadine take her home, put Jolene on the mantel or something?

Maybe she should just bury the ashes or spread them. Where? In the fields back home? In the cow pastures?

She set both the clipboard and the pen on the table in front of her, putting her head in her hands.

Behind her, the elevators opened and Johnny skidded out, whipping his head back and forth, scanning the entire area, and then he saw her, turned and saw her on the sofa– relief that flooded every cell of his body was nearly overwhelming—he braced one hand against the wall—Christ, what did he really expect? Was Jerry Jacks just fucking with him, or—

Johnny took a deep breath, then went over to her. “Nadine—”

Her head jerked up, and she shot to her feet, her cheeks pale, her blue eyes too wide for her face. “Johnny. You—did Matt call you? I told him not to, but he must have or someone else— and you came—” She lifted one hand to her lips, and it was trembling. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t—”

“Hey. Hey.” Johnny stepped forward, pulled her into his arms. “We’ll figure it out. Okay? We’ll make it okay.”

“I don’t know if you can—” Nadine drew back slightly, and her lower lip quivered, her beautiful eyes suddenly welling with tears. “I didn’t even like her. She did terrible, awful things to good people who didn’t deserve it, but she never gets to wake up again. She’s dead, Johnny. You can’t fix that.”

His mind raced as he processed Nadine’s words—the only person in her world that fit all those facts—that would explain why Nadine was at the hospital, looking like her world had crumbled—

Jolene. Her sister. Nadine’s sister was dead.

And it was his fault.

General Hospital: Break Room

“Sorry—” Matt scooped a stack of folders from the floor, and flashed a half smile at Epiphany who just leveled a glare at him. “I didn’t mean to bump into you—” he held them out. “I was reading and walking, and I know better.”

“Yeah, yeah—this one isn’t mine—” Epiphany shoved a folder back at him, but her eye caught the label, and she tugged it back. “Why do you have Jolene Crowell’s file?”

“Oh. She, uh, she coded a little while ago. I was actually going to ask you about her case—”

“She—she coded?” Epiphany blinked. “She’s been stable for months and you’re telling me she went into cardiac arrest today?”

“Yeah, I thought it was weird. You don’t see that much in long term coma patients.” Matt took the file back from her, flipped through it. “I wanted to look through her results, see if maybe we missed something, you know? Like maybe some functions were low. Usually a long-term patient goes, there’s some signs of decline.”

“And?”

“Nothing. I asked Nadine to sign for an autopsy. She might not think of it now, being in shock and all, but—” Matt shrugged. “Later, she’ll be glad she knows for sure. I’d hate to think we missed something.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d hate that.” Epiphany followed him out of the break room and down the hall where they saw Nadine by the elevators, hugging Johnny.

“Oh, good, she changed her mind,” Matt said.

“What?”

“She didn’t want me to call anyone—” He gestured with the file in hand. “But she must have called Johnny after all. Or maybe he came to see her. Good timing if that’s true. I better get back on my rounds.”

“Yeah—” Epiphany watched Matt disappear around another corner, then looked again at the couple by the elevator. Nadine was crying, and Johnny was holding her, his face pale, and eyes hollow. Could he be that upset about a sister-in-law he’d never met? “Some excellent timing,” she muttered. “Or maybe someone has a guilty conscience.”

Vista Point: Observation Deck

The drive up the cliff roads wasn’t the same in the SUV, not even with the windows down, but Jason hadn’t been ready to go home, and there was still time before Cameron had to be picked up at school. He’d ignored the turn off to Harborview Drive, and kept going, climbing the familiar hills until they’d reached the summit.

Now he stood by the railing, his hand wrapped around the bar, welcoming the wind that whipped around. But he’d forgotten how bitterly cold the November air already was until he saw a shiver roll through Elizabeth’s body, and she pulled the ends of her sweater more tightly around her. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” he told her, turning towards her. “We’ll go—”

“I can stand it for a few minutes.” She leaned against the railing, looking out over the lake, out to the mists that surrounded the hulking mass of Wyndemere. “I wonder if he’ll sell the place,” she murmured. “I can’t understand how he’d want to live there again.”

“Should be burned to the ground,” Jason bit out, and she looked at him. “I’m okay.”

“I know.”

“I said what I needed to say to him, and I’m okay.”

She didn’t answer this time, just watched him, and he had to look away, to return his gaze to the gray waters that stretched forever, eventually fading into the horizon at the world’s end.

“He was always there,” Jason said. “Even when he wasn’t. When he was gone from Port Charles or I was, I knew I could call him. If there was something…” He looked at her. “I’ve never really been on my own. Not since I met him. I hate him for letting me into this life, for not stopping me.” He looked down at the guard rail, picked at the peeling paint. “But if he hadn’t, I’d probably be dead. I was reckless, impulsive. Stupid. Driving too fast, getting into trouble in all the worst ways. I did what I wanted when I wanted. He gave me something, I guess. Even if it was just looking out for him. Taking care of him. Proving to myself and anyone who looked at me wrong that I could take over for him.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “I’m standing here with you because of him.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” she teased lightly, and the corner of his mouth tugged up. “We met in a bar that had nothing to do with Sonny, and Emily was my best friend even without you. I kind of like the idea that we were inevitable, don’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“It’s hard,” Elizabeth said, “to lose your best friend. It doesn’t matter that I still have you and I have so many people who love me. Losing Emily, my best friend, my sister, my other half, it changed me, Jason. And I’m still learning all the ways that I’m different now. You don’t have to have all the answers today or even tomorrow.”

And of course she’d understand. Jason reached for her, tugging her close by the sleeve of her sweater. She lifted her face to his and he kissed her, just briefly because he could feel her shivering.

He wrapped her in his arms, and she sighed happily, sliding her arms around his waist, beneath his coat. “If you could think of one thing you wanted to do tonight,” Jason began, “what would it be?”

“Mmm…paper chains.” Elizabeth tilted her head back to grin at him. “Christmas will be here before you know it, and I want to make paper chains with the boys. All of us. Or did you have something else in mind?”

“No, that sounds perfect. Let’s go home and make paper chains.”

Drake Condo: Nursery

Robin handed the freshly diapered and powered newborn to her father, smiling as Patrick cradled her against his shoulder, stroking his hand up and down their daughter’s back. “You’re a natural with her, I knew you would be.”

“Glad one of us did.”

“I’m glad I went today,” Robin said, following him to the living room as he walked the laps they’d already learned were necessary to lull Emma into taking her afternoon nap. She leaned against the sofa. “Even though it meant dealing with Carly. I’m just sorry if it made harder for Jason.”

“I’ve noticed she doesn’t have much of a chill factor.” Patrick squinted. “Does it bother you that I’m friendly with her?”

Robin wrinkled her nose. “Maybe in the beginning, but it’s not like you’re best friends. I don’t have to constantly deal with Carly in my life and my business. I don’t know how Elizabeth hasn’t thrown her out a window, but I give her until Christmas.”

“That’s cheerful—” Patrick’s phone vibrated on the charger where he left. “Can you check that?”

“Sure—” Robin picked it up, flipped it open to see the caller id. “It’s Epiphany, do you—” When Patrick gave her the nod, she lifted it to her ear. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Scorpio, to disturb you both at home. But I think there’s something Dr. Drake needs to know. Immediately.”

There’s no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance
What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that
Now I’ll never have a chance
– Hear You Me, Jimmy Eat World

---

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

General Hospital: Sonny’s Room

She was still furious after arguing with Jason and watching that bitch simper over him like he’d hung the moon — why couldn’t Robin Scorpio have just disappeared from the world completely? Why had she ever returned to Port Charles?

Carly stood at the end of the bed, her blood running hot. “It’s your own fault you’re in this bed,” she said. “What happened to Michael—that’s your fault, too. Jason can’t see how everything would have been better if you’d just never come home all those years ago—” She dipped her head, her voice breaking. “If you’d never come, I’d never have loved you. I’d never have driven myself to desperation to keep you—”

She brushed at her tears. “I thought we were in a better place. We were. I was trying to be. For Morgan’s sake. But for the last month, I’ve been sitting in this damn room, waiting for a miracle, and you know what? I’m glad I didn’t get one. Because you don’t deserve it. Michael does. And if he can’t wake up, then neither should you.”

Carly shook her head. “I don’t even know what the point of any of this is. It’s not like you can hear us. If you’d cared at all about any of us, you wouldn’t have gone to those docks with a gun. Without a guard. How could you make the same mistakes you made with Michael? My God, Sonny, did you really learn nothing?”

She dragged her hands through her hair. “We’re better off without you,” she muttered. “All of us. We always were. I just wish I didn’t have to lose my son to learn that.”

General Hospital: Hallway

“Thanks, Gram. No, I don’t know how much longer we’ll be. I’ll see you when we get back.” Elizabeth slid the phone in her back pocket, then caught sight of Nadine turning down a different hallway. “Nadine!”

The blonde turned back around, smiled. “Hey. I didn’t think you were on the schedule today.”

“I’m not. I’m here with Jason.” Elizabeth walked towards her. “Thanks again for helping with his transfer. I couldn’t, and well—”

“Johnny mentioned, um, it might be related to him,” Nadine said, biting her lip. “I would have done it anyway, but—”

“Well, there was an element of that,” Elizabeth admitted. “There’s not a lot I can do to make Jason’s life easier, but there are these little things, you know? How’s that going, with Johnny, I mean?”

“Oh. It’s fine, I guess. Mostly. The heat’s all died down, so….” Nadine waited a long moment. “It just feels so strange, I guess. Being involved when I already—I mean, I was there that day. I know what happened to him—”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Elizabeth said, lifting her brows, and Nadine flushed, looked away. “You have nothing to feel guilty about. You’re doing a favor for a friend.” She squeezed Nadine’s arm. “Carly and Jason are going to say goodbye to Sonny, so the paperwork is ready, right?”

“Yep. And the ambulance is downstairs, so whenever you guys are good, we’re all set. I, um, I’m going to sit with my sister for a while. Seeing Sonny has me thinking about her. So if you need me—”

“Thanks. We’ll have to catch up later. I’m sure there’s a lot we can talk about,” Elizabeth said, “but I really do need to get back.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

Elizabeth returned to the waiting area just as Carly did, and she was struck by the tension in the air despite Robin’s absence. “Gram says Jake is fine. We can pick Cameron up when we’re done if you want.”

“Yeah.” He slid his hand in hers, squeezed it. “I would. Maybe we can work on the paper chains for Christmas. Your grandmother could stay, maybe add some chains.”

“Can you go say goodbye and get this over with?” Carly asked sourly, drawing both their attention. “Obviously you have better places to be.”

“That’s not what—” Elizabeth started, but Jason just shook his head, and she fell silent.

“You can be as angry with me as you want to be,” Jason told Carly, who just folded her arms, stared at the floor. “But Robin telling the truth was the best thing that ever happened to either of us—”

“You don’t get to decide that—” Carly’s head snapped up. “It was—”

“Fine. Then it was the best thing for me,” he retorted. He looked at Elizabeth. “Do you want to come with—”

“No, I’ll stay out here.”

Jason released her hand, ignored Carly as he went around the corner, and Carly’s irritation faded away. She scrubbed her hands down her face, then sat in the chair, staring at the floor again.

Elizabeth sat across from her, reached for a magazine, and waited.

“I can’t believe he still doesn’t see her for what she is,” Carly muttered. “After what she did to us, he wants me to be nice to her?”

“I don’t think Jason thought nice was on the menu,” Elizabeth said, flipping to another article. “I think he was hoping compassion was. But you know, Jason, the eternal dreamer.”

Carly scowled. “Shut up—”

“You started it. You always start it. Don’t shake your head at me.” Elizabeth slapped the magazine down. “Jason’s not here to protect you or make me feel bad. You didn’t have to pick a fight with Robin. You did it to make yourself feel better. You didn’t care about Jason. You never do—”

“You don’t know a damn thing, you never have. Jason’s picked you for now, and I’m putting up with you until he sees you for what you are—”

“And what am I?” Elizabeth drawled with an air of amusement that only caused the flush in Carly’s cheeks to deepen. “An unfeeling bitch who picks fights to make herself better? Who throws stones when she’s the queen of a glass castle?” She snorted, looked back at the magazine. “You’ll never change, Carly.”

“Don’t think you’ll be able to get rid of me, okay? I know you’ve been trying to edge me out. To spend time with Morgan and my mother, and not me. I—”

“I don’t have to do anything but wait, Carly.” Elizabeth met the blonde’s angry gaze. “Because this is what you do. You pick and poke at everyone else until we’re as miserable as you are. Before you know it, you’ll be alone.”

“Jason will never abandon me. And if you make him choose—”

“You make him choose,” Elizabeth cut in and Carly closed her mouth. “Every time you insult me. Every time you throw a comment at me, every fight you pick, you make him choose. But I’m not going anywhere. You’re going to have to figure out how to make your peace with that.”

“I’d rather eat battery acid.”

General Hospital: Sonny’s Room

There was no sound save the beeping of machines, and for a long time, Jason didn’t know what to do. What to say or even if there was a point to standing here. He’d avoided this room for more than a month, wishing it away, pretending it wasn’t happening.

He and Sonny had lived separate lives after the warehouse shooting—even before that, Jason acknowledged. Since Emily’s death, Jason had closed himself in, focusing really on Elizabeth, thinking about Jake. Going through the motions in the rest of his life. Sonny had been on his own journey, building a relationship with Kate—

And then that terrible day at the warehouse when Sonny had broken a lifetime of protocol, taking Michael to the warehouse without guards. When the bright beautiful boy Jason had held as a newborn had been struck by a ricochet bullet, and all the life had gone out of him. Enough remained to leave a thin layer of hope somewhere beneath despair, but for Jason, after losing his sister so brutally—

“I’m supposed to say goodbye,” Jason said, his voice sounding strange, almost echoing off the walls. “Or tell you what you meant to me. How much I’m going to miss you. Something like that. Elizabeth would know. She could probably put it into words for me.”

There was a hospital tray hanging over the edge of Sonny’s bed, one used for meals. Jason gently pushed it away, then tugged it closer, then away again.

“Maybe because this is the last time I’m going to look at you unless you wake up, the last words I’ll ever say to you—” He paused, clearing his throat. “But I already said those. I told you to take care of your own problems, and then you went out and got shot in the head, so I guess…” Jason scrubbed hand down his face. “I don’t remember the last thing I ever said to my sister. To Alan. Or my grandmother. I don’t remember what I said to Michael. But you? I won’t be able to forget it.”

There was no response, of course not. Only the beeping, the signal that his heartbeat was regular and steady.

“Because what happened to you is my fault. And yours. But mostly mine. Because I knew you were out of control, I knew you were on the edge, and it didn’t matter to me. Nothing about what you were going through mattered enough to me that day. And I can’t apologize for that. I won’t. You always wanted me to put your family first, and I did that. I did that until it almost cost me everything. And that day? You wanted me to do it again. I chose her. I chose myself, and now that’s the last thing we’ll ever have.”

He scratched the skin above his upper lip. “I’m sorry our last moments were angry,” Jason said. “You…were a friend to me for a long time, and I learned a lot from you. But since Jake—I’ve started to resent you. To blame you for the choices I made. And it’s not fair. You tried to talk me out of it. I just…couldn’t see what I was giving up, and now it’s too late to stop it.” He fisted his hand, rested on the tray. “I don’t know who I’d be today if I hadn’t met you. I don’t know who I’m going to be now that you’re not here anymore. I guess we’re going to find out.”

Jason sighed, stepped back from the bed. “Goodbye, Sonny.”

General Hospital: Jolene Crowell’s Hospital Room

Jolene’s shining blonde hair was limp, laying like strings of noodles against the flat hospital pillow. Her cheeks were slack and pale. Her arms laying perfectly still at her side. A physical therapist came in to work her muscles, to make sure she wouldn’t get any blood clots from remaining in one place for long.

“Sorry I haven’t been here in a while,” Nadine said, taking a seat next to the bed. “I’ve been…busy, I guess.” She twisted the diamond on her finger. “I got married. Bet you weren’t expecting that, huh? You always told me no one liked a girl who spent all her time in the books, but then again, no one likes a girl who commits murder—” She wrinkled her nose. “Sorry. That’s not fair. Shouldn’t take shots at you when you can’t fight back.”

Jolene would have, Nadine thought. Her sister always had something cutting to say when they saw each other. Maybe that’s why they so rarely saw each other when they lived in the same place, and why Nadine only visited rarely, and hadn’t bothered in months.

“You’d like him, probably. He’s a night owl, though we’re working on that. He doesn’t really know what he wants from life. I guess maybe he’s never needed to know. You always did,” Nadine said, almost wistfully. “You knew you wanted to have as much money as you could and find someone to keep you in style. Honestly, if you met Johnny, you’d probably try to sleep with him and get him to leave me for you.”

She smiled faintly. “It wouldn’t work. I know it probably sounds weird—I mean, you don’t know this, but Johnny’s loyal, you know? He’s still in love with Lulu, and you probably think I’m some kind of doormat because that doesn’t bother me, but it really doesn’t. I think it’s human to have contradictory feelings for people. You know, like be in love with a woman three thousand miles away and care about someone a lot who’s right in front of you. I think he cares about me,” Nadine said, furrowing her brow. “He’s hard to read sometimes. But I think maybe he just doesn’t open up to anyone. They always end up leaving. Or trying to kill him. Except his sister, who’s pretty scary. I think you might have some competition in that area.”

The door opened behind them, and Nadine twisted to see a nurse entering, an IV bag in her hand. “Oh,” the nurse said, startled. “I didn’t realize anyone would be here—”

“I’ve been lax in visiting. I can get out of your way—”

“No need.” The nurse smiled, then turned to switch out the fluid bags. “See, all done. You have a nice chat with your sister.”

“Thanks,” Nadine said, already forgetting the nurse as she closed the door behind her.

The woman kept walking down the hallway, heading for the elevators, stopping only to grab a purse she’d left just behind a planter. Once on the elevator, she quickly shed her nurse’s scrubs, pulled on a sweater, jeans, and boots, and a red wig to cover the black hair.

Ten minutes later, she was sauntering out of General Hospital.

General Hospital: Waiting Room

When Jason returned to the waiting room, both women were silent, sitting on opposite sides, but the air seemed thicker, stuffier than when he’d left it.

Elizabeth noticed him, started to rise but grimaced when Carly bolted out of her chair, coming to him first. Elizabeth settled back into the chair, picked up her magazine.

“I’m sorry,” Carly said, immediately. Typical of Carly — to make a scene, throw a tantrum, and wish she could take it back when the smoke settled. “Really, Jase. I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Jason said. He didn’t want to hear more empty promises from her. She always felt sorry in the moment, but it would never stop her from repeating the insanity later. “Let’s just—”

“No, I do. I do.” She forced a smile. “How many times did you look after us, Jase? Take on all the weight of our problems and put your own to the side. Too many to count,” she added when he just sighed. “You’ve got the boys now, and I—I desperately want you to have that. You deserve it. Not that it’s mine to grant or anything. That’s not what I meant—””

“Carly,” he said, holding up a hand to stop her rambling. “It’s okay. You’ll call if you need anything?”

“Sure. Sure.” She pasted a smile on her face, laced her trembling fingers together. “Thanks again for taking Morgan. I’ll go get things started. Get it over with.”

She headed towards the nurse’s station to get things started. Jason sighed, looked at Elizabeth. “I’m sorry if she started a fight—”

“I think maybe I started this one,” Elizabeth said. She set the magazine aside, came to him, and slid her arms around his waist. He drew her against him, his arm around her shoulders. He just let himself stand there for a long moment, breathing her in. “I’m sorry,” she murmured. “I wish there was more I could do. Something to make this better.”

“Going home with you, to the boys—that’s all I need today.” He drew back, took her hand. “Let’s go home.”

General Hospital: Jolene’s Room

Her pager vibrated against her waistband. Nadine tugged it loose, saw the notation. “Well, time to help Sonny Corinthos take his last trip,” she said, getting to her feet, reattaching the pager. “I promise I won’t—”

There was a beeping on one of the machines—the heart monitor began to spike wildly—and then Jolene’s body jolted—and began to seize.

Nadine raced for the call button, pressed it, but then there was another sound—

A flatline.

Nadine yanked the door open. “Code Blue! Code Blue! Code Blue!”

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard
– I Will Remember You, Sarah McLachlan

---

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Patrick & Robin’s Condo: Nursery

Robin cradled her newborn daughter in her arms, swaying gently and rubbing Emma’s back, hoping the fussy baby would drift back to sleep. “Mommy needs a nap, too,” she murmured.  She continued swaying, slowly turning in a circle, smiling when she faced the doorway and saw Patrick leaning against the open door frame. “There’s Daddy.”

“Is my perfect princess giving her mother a hard time?” Patrick asked, grinning.

“Of course not, my perfect child wouldn’t dream of it,” Robin said, returning the smile. She went to the crib, laid the baby down on her back. Emma’s eyes remained closed, her tiny hands curling into fists. Robin caressed her cheek, then drew back, pressing a finger against her lips.

They both retreated to the living room and Robin checked the monitor. “I thought you had a meeting,” she said, leaning up to kiss Patrick. He gripped her elbows, held her in place for an extra moment before letting her step back.

“I did. It’s over. But I…I thought you might want to know…Sonny’s being transferred today.”

Robin bit her lip, folded her arms, and looked away. “Is he?”

“We haven’t really talked about it in a while. I didn’t know if you’d want to know, or if you’d already made your peace with it all.”

“I don’t know how anyone can make peace with all that’s happened.” Robin drifted towards a set of black metal shelves and a photo that was never far away from her. One of Stone’s last good days — crowded around the table at Sonny’s penthouse, Sonny with his arm slung around Stone, Robin beaming.  “Lily took this photo. I felt guilty, you know, spending time around her with how Brenda felt about everything. But she was so good to Stone.” Her fingers traced Sonny’s face. “He was a difficult man to know. I’m sure you’ve never really understood why I’d be close to him.”

“Maybe in the beginning, but you’ve told me about Stone.” Patrick sat on the arm of the sofa. “He was there for you with Stone. Someone who loved him as much as you did. And then when you were dating Jason. I’m sure it made sense at the time.”

“It’s my fault, you know, that Jason got involved with Sonny at all. Did you know that?” She glanced at him over her shoulder. “Jason found a bag of money on the docks, and I told him to take it to Sonny. Jason did that, and Sonny hired him. I think about it all the time — what if I hadn’t done that? What if I’d told him to turn it into the police?”

“Jason didn’t have to take the job—”

“You didn’t know him then. He was so desperate for anyone to see him as his own person — the Quartermaines kept treating him like a child and well, others like a damaged idiot lucky to be walking around. Sonny gave him responsibility, gave him a sense of self-worth. Worst mistake of my life.” Robin sighed, turned away from the photo. “But that doesn’t mean I wanted Sonny to end up like this, trapped inside his own body. I called Brenda — she wasn’t even surprised.”

“He lived a violent life, Robin. It’s not shocking that it would end like this. But I’m sorry.”

“So am I. Morgan and Kristina won’t remember him, and I don’t know that there are many of us left in Port Charles willing to think kindly about him. There was good in him, you know. He could be sweet. Compassionate. But cruel,” Robin murmured. “Reckless.” She cleared her throat. “Would you mind staying here for a while? I…I think I want to go to the hospital. To say goodbye, if I can.”

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

Johnny jerked his jacket off with one hand, the other pressing the cell to his ear. “What the hell did you get me mixed up in, Claudia?” he demanded.

At the other end of the line, his sister sounded bored — which never boded well. “I told you, John. Just do what they ask, and you can be out of it—”

“Are you kidding me? Are you insane? Do you know what he wants me to do?”

Claudia was quiet on the other line for a long moment. “I know he wanted you inside Jason’s organization, but—”

“He wants me to offer to work for him—” Johnny went to the window. Nadine didn’t have much of a view — just more apartment buildings, but he felt too confined. Too closed in. He pressed a tight fist against the window. “I’m supposed to get the security details for the Towers.”

“Okay, well, even if you wanted to do that, it would take time,” Claudia said. “So, like, do the first part, and I’ll get this handled on my end—”

“If I go to work for Jason, Dad will know, and he’d be pissed.” And Nadine would be distinctly unhappy. She could live with the baggage he brought to this situation because Johnny had been born into this life. He’d had no choice in that, but to actively be part of it, to do anything that would drag him in deeper—

She might not think he was worth protecting after all, and he’d lose her.

“What’s the alternative, John? You tell him no, and he crushes you like a bug—look, I told you I was sorry! This was never supposed to blow back on you—”

“What did you think was going to happen when you went after Sonny Corinthos?” Johnny demanded. “You did this because of me, do you think I’m an idiot? You took a shot at him, and how’d that work out? He blamed me for that. And then for Kate—I never did a damn thing to him—”

“I’m trying to keep you safe—”

“You’re trying to cover your ass—you don’t really give a damn about me or Nadine. So forgive me if I’m not taking your advice on how to get out of this. I’ll—” He stopped. “I’ll deal with it myself. Dad owes me this. He’ll make Nadine untouchable, and then those assholes can find another patsy.”

“Oh, sure, it’ll be that simple. Sometimes, John, you’re such a fucking child. I don’t know why I bother with you. Go ahead, try it your way. See how it works out.”

The line went dead, and Johnny tossed his phone aside, dragging his hands down his face. Christ, every time he turned around, someone was making his life worse. But the only card Johnny had left to play was his father.

Because if Anthony Zacchara couldn’t keep Nadine safe, no one could.

General Hospital: Sonny’s Room

Kate stood at the end of the hospital bed, her arms tightly folded as she took in the comatose form of her fiancé. Did she still get to call him that, she wondered?

He was pale, his hair disheveled, and left to curl around his temples — the way it had when they were little more than children running the streets in Bensonhurst. She’d loved him so much once.

“It looks as though our story ends abruptly once again,” Kate said, finally. “I left you to start over, to put Connie Falconieri behind me — to stop myself from following you around while you threw your life away. You wanted power, wealth, and respect. There never was much space for love.” Her throat felt scratchy. “I thought that had changed. I thought you’d learned that the power you’d craved wouldn’t take away all the darkness in your life. But here we are again, at the end of the road, and this time you’re the one leaving me. You couldn’t wait for me to wake up — you had to pursue revenge, to make sure no one thought you were weak.”

She dipped her head, took a deep breath. “I used to wonder sometimes if we could have made it work somehow. If we could have loved each other enough—that’s the one piece of good to come from all of this. I know the truth now. We were never going to be a fairy tale, were we? Sonny and Kate were as doomed as Sonny and Connie.  This was always how the story ends.”

She brushed away the one tear lingering on her cheek. “I don’t know how any of this works. If you can hear me, if part of you is here, or if you’re somewhere else. I think I hope it’s somewhere else. That you’re at peace somewhere. That somehow, you and Michael have found each other again. Goodbye, Sonny.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

It felt almost ghoulish to sit in this room, waiting his turn to sit at Sonny’s bedside and say…what exactly? Jason still didn’t know what to say to the man who had such a profound impact on his life, for better or for worse. And he wasn’t even dead. Nothing had changed in the last month. Sonny was being moved to a rehabilitation center where there was little hope of rehabilitation. He was just going further away where Jason didn’t have to admit he was avoiding his old friend.

Carly couldn’t sit still — she paced the length of the room, cracking her knuckles from time to time, pausing at the window overlooking the park, then turning back to walk towards the elevators.

At his side, Elizabeth was sitting quietly, thumbing through a magazine. She’d know what to say to Sonny, Jason thought. Maybe she’d go with him—

There was a light ding from the direction of the elevators, and the doors slid open. Robin stepped out, and Carly stopped to look at her — her one-time nemesis.  Her lips thinned as she pressed them together, and the two of them seemed locked in a staring contest that only they could understand.

“This is going to be fine,” Elizabeth said, mostly under her breath. “Carly won’t start anything today—”

Jason looked at her, and she smiled faintly. “Probably won’t.”

“I, um—” Robin cleared her throat, touched her collarbone, a bit nervous. “Patrick told me they were…transferring him today. And I guess I just—I was hoping I could—could I say goodbye?”

“What, like he’s dead?” Carly snapped. “You’re coming to mourn him when you couldn’t be bothered to visit him in life? He’s not dead, so save your victim tears for someone else. This day is for people who actually loved Sonny—”

“Carly.”

Jason bit out her name in that same irritated tone he’d had the morning he’d thrown her out of Elizabeth’s room, and Carly recognized it right away. She made a face, but retreated to the chairs, slumping down in one next to Elizabeth, and yanking a magazine from the pile.

Jason ignored her, looking at Robin. “I’m sorry. I should have called, but—”

“But it’s been a lifetime since Sonny and I were in each other’s lives, I understand. Thank you. I won’t take long, I just—”

They stopped at the sound of heels and Kate appeared around the corner, her eyes dry, but her face pale. “Thank you. I—I don’t think I’ll wait—I need to go back to work. But thank you.”

“You go next,” Carly said flatly to Robin. “You have a baby to get back to. It’s not like you matter anyway. Might as well get you out of the way.”

Robin rolled her eyes and headed for the hallway.

Jason sat next to Carly, glared at her, and she huffed. “What? Did I stutter? Or lie?” She folded her arms, crossed her legs. “Don’t look at me like a disapproving parent. Robin and I hate each other. I might have softened on this one over here, but me and that one. Hell will freeze over first.”

“Thanks,” Elizabeth said, raising the magazine in front of her face. “You’re too kind.”

“Don’t look at me like that, Jason—”

“You’ll never change,” he said, with a shake of his head. “I don’t know why that surprises me after all these years.”

“Look, I don’t even have to deal with Little Miss Purity all that much now since you kicked her to the curb for ruining our lives—” She closed her mouth when he shot her a fulminating look. “I’m not apologizing,” she muttered, slinking down into her seat.

Jason dragged his hand down his face and just sighed. He returned to his seat next to Elizabeth, and she reached for his hand, squeezing it for a moment. “Let it go. Robin doesn’t care, I promise you that.”

“Yeah, well—” He exhaled slowly. “I do.” How many times had he let Carly get away with treating Robin like garbage? How many times had she gone after Elizabeth? She was never sorry about any of it, and he’d never done anything to stop it. Nothing had changed in all these years, and he hated it.

“It’ll be okay,” Elizabeth said, careful to keep her voice low so that Carly could only guess at what she was saying. “The important thing is Robin is going to get her moment, and then they’ll go back to ignoring each other.”

“Let’s hope,” he muttered.

General Hospital: Sonny’s Room

Robin sat by the bed for a long quiet moment, watching as Sonny’s chest rose and fell, watched Sonny’s heartbeat remain steady and regular on the screen on the other side of the bed.

“I had a daughter,” she said, looking at his familiar, once beloved face. His eyes were closed, his skin somewhat slack. Lifeless. Empty. She swallowed hard. “Emma Grace. She’s perfect. Healthy. We still have more tests to run for the HIV, but the odds are against it. I never thought I’d get to have this — a future, you know? Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake…not telling Stone about my diagnosis. But most of the time, I know it’s a weight he couldn’t bear at the end.”

Robin looked down at her hands, the sight of Sonny almost too much for her to bear. “I feel like I should say I regret that we lost touch. That we weren’t close anymore. But it would be a lie, and I’m sorry for that. I could still see glimpses of that man in you, but you lost your way. These last few years, the things I’ve seen and heard — I don’t know. I just—” She exhaled slowly. “But for the man you were, for the love and kindness and strength you gave me when I could barely breathe, I’ll always be grateful.” She rose to her feet. “I hope you’re at peace, Sonny. That wherever you are, that you feel safe.”

She leaned down, kissed his forehead. “Goodbye.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

“I’m going to call Gram and check in,” Elizabeth said, squeezing Jason’s hand. “I’ll be right back.”

Jason watched as she disappeared around a different corner, probably for the staff room on this floor for a little privacy. When she was gone, he looked at Carly who was avoiding his gaze.  “It’s been almost ten years—”

“I know exactly how long it’s been,” she muttered. “Down to the damn day. Don’t tell me to forgive and forget. Isn’t it bad enough that I already have to deal with Elizabeth?”

Jason tensed. “What does that mean?”

“It means exactly what I said. I tolerate her because she’s the one you picked, and I love you. But don’t imagine that means I like her.” Carly sniffed, picked up a magazine. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens.”

“I thought we agreed—”

“I’ve been very helpful and tolerant these last six weeks,” Carly interrupted. “I like her kids, and I like you. Be satisfied with that.”

“She’s never done anything to you—”

“Don’t tell me how to feel. You hate when people do that to you, so don’t you dare tell me who to give a damn about. I’ll never be friends with Elizabeth, and I hope Robin drops off a cliff immediately, setting us all free of her self-righteous—”

“It’s been ten years,” Jason repeated, exasperated. “Everything worked out—”

“You think I should forgive Robin for what she did?” Carly sat up, her eyes bright with fury. “Maybe you can, but I never will. That was my secret to tell—not hers! My life she blew up, not hers! The second she did that, she ruined everything, and I’m still dealing with it. If she’d kept her damned mouth shut, Michael would still be your son, and he’d—” She looked away, her eyes bright with tears. “He’d be yours, and he’d be awake and running around, and he’d be safe.”

Jason sighed, rubbed his forehead. “Carly—”

“Don’t tell me you were going to tell the truth—no, what she did—it changed the course of my life. It ruined it. I had to do so much damage control, and I never really got it back the way I wanted—” She shook her head, folded her arms. “If she doesn’t tell AJ the truth, then—”

“Then what, Carly? What? You don’t marry him? You don’t almost have me arrested for kidnapping? You don’t sleep with Sonny, is that what you’re saying? You’re going to blame Robin for everything you did?” Jason wanted to know, keeping his voice low and tight. “Robin left town. She wasn’t there, shoving you into Sonny’s arms. And—” he stopped. “We settled this a long time ago, Carly. What happened—it happened. And—”

And if Robin had never told AJ about Michael, then Jason would never have ended up at Jake’s that night and met Elizabeth.

“I don’t know why you have to be so angry with me,” she said, tears clinging to her lashes. “I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I’m doing the best I can.”

“The sad thing is I actually believe that,” Jason muttered, getting to his feet, heading for the windows. Away from Carly. He just wanted to get this awful day over with and go home.

Robin came out then, her eyes rimmed with red. “Thank you, um, I appreciated that.” She flicked her eyes to Carly, glaring at the floor, then back to Jason. “You holding up okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. “How are you? The baby?”

“Good.” Her face lit up. “Perfect, actually. When I can get her to take a nap. And I bet you’ve got your hands full with those boys. The last time I saw Cameron, he was running laps around the nurse’s station.”

A smile tugged at his mouth, because he could and would talk about his sons for as long as anyone would listen. “Yeah, Jake is starting to run around now, too. They chase each other.”

“I love that. For both of you. Do me a favor?” Robin asked.

“Anything.”

“Let Elizabeth take care of you. I know you always say you don’t need anything,” Robin said, when Jason just sighed. “But it’s not true. And she loves you.” She leaned in, hugged him. He hugged her back, wishing he could find a way to apologize for all the ways he’d been wrong before, but knowing the time when his apologies would have mattered was long past. “And forgive yourself,” she murmured, drawing back. Their eyes met. “Forgive yourself for being the last one standing. You take on too much, Jason. Don’t—don’t let what happened to Sonny be one more weight. This was never your fault.”

“Hate to break this little scene up,” Carly said, and the two of them looked over at her. “I guess I’ll go take my turn. Not that you’d notice if I was gone.” With a roll of her eyes, she left.

Robin wrinkled her nose. “Still a joy, isn’t she?”

“I’m sorry. For her. For all of it.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me. Carly and I will hate each other until the world ends.” Her lips twitched. “And probably after that, too.”

Warehouse: Pier

“Do you have any idea how much these shoes cost me?” Claudia demanded as she strode through the cargo entrance to the rest of the building. “Jimmy Choos are not supposed to be trekking through the muck and grime—”

“Let me know when you’ve finished complaining,” Jerry murmured, studying his phone. “And I’ll start listening—”

“I told you to give me more time with my brother. I told you that it’s not exactly easy to make him understand why he has to do this, but men never listen. It’s always on your timetable and not about realistic expectations—”

“Did I give you the impression that you were some sort of equal partner?” Jerry interrupted, and Claudia closed her mouth. “I’m truly sorry if you thought you had some sort of say in this. You were a conduit, my dear Claudia, but since you couldn’t get it done, I don’t see a use for you any longer.”

Her cheeks drained of color, and she swallowed hard. A rare sign of vulnerability from the tough as nails bitch. “What does that mean? What—”

“Oh, don’t worry. You still have all the armor that your daddy has bestowed upon you.” Jerry snapped his phone closed, smiled at her. “You and your brother. And for the moment, that wife of his. I wouldn’t get anywhere if I terminated either of you. You are the leverage, after all, my darling. You and all the lovely secrets you possess.”

“Johnny will do what you need him to do,” Claudia said. “You just have to give him some time to understand that this is the only way. It’s not easy for him to betray someone who’s never hurt him, okay? And if this were about Sonny, okay, he’d do it in a heartbeat. But Jason has protected him.”

“And his loyalty is commendable, to be sure. Don’t worry. Shortly, your brother will learn just how closely I can strike at him.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Ah, a better question would be—what have I already done?” Jerry tipped his head. “You’ll know soon enough, and when you do—you’ll remind dear baby brother that I can do so much worse. The wife. Does he care for her, do you think?”

Claudia swallowed hard, looked away, staring at the dirty gray lake water where it lapped against the wooden posts of the pier. “Yeah, he does.”

“Do you think the pretty nurse will think kindly of him when she learns he’s protecting a child murderer?”

She closed her eyes, looked vaguely ill. “He’s not dead.”

“Semantics, darling. Sweet Nadine was Michael Corinthos’ nurse. Did you know that? How fortunate for me, really. If he wants to keep his wife safe and maintain her good opinion of him, well, I suppose we’ll see what your little brother is made of, won’t we?”

Confusion that never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know
Singin’ come out upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease? Singin’
– Clocks, Coldplay

---

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

“Yeah, yeah, okay — I’ll be in. No, it’s fine—” Nadine folded one arm across her middle, her fingers tightening on the cordless phone at her ear. “Right. I’ll see you then.”

Johnny kicked off the sneakers he’d worn that morning. It was the fourth morning he’d joined Nadine in her morning jog. She’d been bewildered the first time, but he’d managed to convince her he was trying to fix his sleeping schedule. Which was partially true, he reflected.

She didn’t need to know that he was sticking to her like glue when she wasn’t at the hospital.

“I thought you were off for another day,” he said, tucking the sneakers on the shoe rack next to her door. He pulled off his sweatshirt, leaving him in a pair of blue mesh shorts and white t-shirt.

“It’s not a full shift. Elizabeth asked me to come in.” Nadine pressed the phone against her chest, just looked at him. “She didn’t want someone they didn’t know handling the transfer.”

Johnny’s fingers clutched the sweatshirt, tightening into fists. “They’re moving Sonny today?”

“Yeah, and they need a nurse to oversee the transfer. Elizabeth feels like she’s too close, I guess, and I’m sure she wants to be there for Jason.” Nadine set the phone back on the base.

“She asked you?” Johnny said. “You don’t think that’s strange?”

“No. Well—” Nadine bit her lip. “Maybe. We don’t know each super well, but we’ve been friendly enough. I mean, we’ve both been almost killed by the same people—”

“You really think that’s something to joke about?” Johnny muttered. He disappeared into the bedroom, irritated she wasn’t taking any of this seriously and with himself for picking a fight when Nadine hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Am I supposed to pretend your father didn’t try to kill me last year?” she asked, appearing in the doorway. “Or that he didn’t try to get Jason and Elizabeth to jump off the parapet? And Diego Alcazar, you know he came after us both—I’m just saying. I’m not surprised Elizabeth asked me, that’s all.”

“You’re not the least bit confused why she’s asking you? You’re married to me. I put Sonny in that bed—”

“Sonny put himself in that bed,” Nadine said softly, and Johnny grimaced, sat on the bed. “We’ve talked about this. He shot first, Johnny. What if the bullet had hit me? It could have. It could have hit you. What were you supposed to do?”

Johnny shook his head, looking away. She didn’t get it, and he didn’t want her to understand what it was like to carry this kind of weight. “I never wanted to be in my father’s world,” he found himself saying. “I ran as far as I could for as long as I could. I don’t know how Jason can do this. How he can go home to Elizabeth and those boys, knowing what he does.”

“That’s a question for them to answer, not us, Johnny. You’re not in your father’s world, right now, are you? You’re here. With me.” She folded her arms, leaning against the door frame. “Maybe Jason’s involved with all of this the same way you are. Choices he made when he was young. And now he can’t get out. But you can.”

“As long as my father is Anthony Zacchara, I’m always going to be in it.” Johnny looked at her. “That’s why Elizabeth is asking you. Jason’s making it clear he doesn’t hold me responsible. Everyone knows it was me. They can’t prove it, but they know.”

“He wants peace, Johnny. I talked to him, you know, the day you were arrested. I was—” She shook her head. “Freaking out, I guess, and I went to see him.”

Johnny looked at her, drew his brows together. “You never told me that.”

“I didn’t want you to know I was having doubts. But I didn’t after I talked to Jason. Because I saw why he was helping us. Jason could have gone after you or your father for what happened to Sonny. That’s what your dad would have done, isn’t it?”

That’s what his sister had done, Johnny thought darkly, but if he never said it out loud, it never had to be true. “Yeah. And Dad doesn’t play fair.”

“Exactly. Jason’s going out of his way to make sure your father can’t complain. Any violence that happens won’t start with him. Maybe I don’t like the world he lives in, but I can appreciate that he’s the only person trying to do the right thing. He knows it was self-defense, Johnny. So if the reason Elizabeth asked me to do this transfer is to send another signal to men like your father that you and I aren’t to blame for any of this—then I can live with that. Can you?”

Morgan Penthouse: Kitchen

Elizabeth still held the phone when she joined Jason in the kitchen that morning. “Hey. Cam get off to school all right?” she asked, sliding an arm around his waist and leaning up to kiss him. “You shouldn’t have turned off my alarm.”

Jason kept her close when she might have pulled her away, framing her jaw with one hand and kissing her again. “You had the night shift the last few days,” he murmured, his thumb brushing her bottom lip. “I was back before you even noticed I’d left.”

“Mmm, I definitely didn’t miss the overnights.” Elizabeth set the phone on the counter, accepted the hot chocolate he handed to her. “Epiphany says that I should start pulling rank, but I don’t know that I really have seniority yet. I mean technically, yeah, because we’ve had so much turnover in the last year.” She sat at the table. “But I still feel like the new kid. I talked to Nadine. She’s going to handle the transfer.”

Jason didn’t say anything for a moment, just poured the last of the coffee into his mug and switched off the pot. “Thank you. For arranging that.” He joined her at the table. “I just…there’s not that many people I trust to be on his case. With everything that’s happened at the hospital—”

“I know.” Elizabeth reached out, stroked his arm. “And I wanted to be with you. Even if it’s just to stand there.”

Jason’s smile was faint, devoid of warmth. “I don’t even know if I can stand there,” he admitted. “I never…I’ve never been to see him.”

She tipped her head. “Do you think that means you didn’t love him? I know what Sonny meant to you—”

“Meant,” Jason repeated. He leaned forward, his elbows on the table, his head bowed slightly. “The last year or so. Maybe longer,” he admitted, “I’ve…started to resent him. As much as I loved him,” he continued. He looked at her. “I used to respect him for letting me make my own choices. You know, I thought that was what made him different than the Quartermaines. Sonny knew I had the right to make my own choices, and they didn’t. But I didn’t…they were right. I didn’t understand what I was throwing away.”

Elizabeth bit her lip. “Jason—”

“He told me. I guess he did. He told me that once I was in, getting out would be almost impossible. But it wasn’t.” He looked at her. “I got out once. You remember, don’t you?”

“I do. You came to the boxcar to tell Lucky.”

“I would have stayed out, but Sonny came back. And he wanted that power again. I didn’t…things were falling apart with Michael. Robin was gone—” Jason just sighed. “And I said okay. Let’s go. Because I didn’t have anything else. I didn’t understand, even after having Michael, that I was making this choice forever. Sonny—he didn’t have to come back here. There was nothing but bad memories. But he came back to Port Charles, and he asked me to help him get back what I’d given away. I felt guilty.”

“That was a long time ago, Jason—”

“I don’t want Jake or Cameron to grow up thinking that this is a good life,” Jason said tightly, and her hand fell away. “Michael was starting to think that, you know? I could see it—he took Sonny’s gun, and he shot Kate. You keep apologizing for keeping Jake away from me, but you don’t understand that I had to agree. And I did. Because I never want my sons to grow up to think I’m a good man. That this life is something they should want.” He looked at her then, tears in his eyes. “Promise me. That we won’t do what Sonny and Carly did. To let them think that anything about this life is worth having.”

“I promise,” Elizabeth said softly. “Jason—”

“I don’t know if I could go see him. I don’t know if I can sit in a room with him and not be angry at everything he’s done. I don’t know if I can be sorry he’s gone. He wouldn’t have stayed out, you know that, don’t you? He would have tried to take the business back, to force me out—and I would have told him no this time. I would have refused. So maybe I shouldn’t go today.”

She was quiet for a long moment. She’d wanted him to open up about Sonny for weeks, but she’d stopped pushing, hoping he’d be able to when the time was right. She’d had no idea that Jason was wrestling with these kinds of regrets and resentment.

“You asked me a few months ago what about what you do makes me love you.” He lifted his eyes to hers, frowned. “When we were arguing at the coffeehouse, and I hid while you threatened one of those Russian guys. Do you remember that? You were angry with me because I wasn’t taking no for an answer this time.”

“I—yeah. I remember.”

“I knew the second you asked that question that you’d been wanting to ask that all along. Every time we had this argument, I could see you asking yourself why I’d put up with any of this. And believe me, Jason, I’ve asked myself that question so many times. I had my chances to walk away. Bombs in my studio, men stopping me on the docks to ask questions about you or Sonny, lying to cops, being shot at, kidnapped three times — All of that, and I’m still here. The world you live in isn’t a good one, and it’s not one I’d want for the boys. And yes, I know you’re capable of violence. I’ve known that since that first night in Jake’s. I’ve known that since you put Sorel on his knees and kept him there with just one hand because he spoke to me—”

She saw him wince at that memory. “I didn’t plan to fall in love with you, Jason. It just happened. And Sonny? I don’t think he planned to trap you in this life. You said he tried to talk you out of it. But you wanted to make your own choices. Your own mistakes. You’ve made them. Sonny wasn’t always a good man, but he was your friend. He was your family. And it’s okay to be angry with him for all the things he did wrong. But it’s okay to love him, too. It’s okay for me to love you.”

“Why? Because you say so?” But the question was almost wry, the corner of his mouth lifting.

“Sonny was a complicated man who could be extraordinarily kind and compassionate. Selfish and cruel. He believed in you, Jason, when a lot of people didn’t. You told me once that everything you’d learned—everything that made you who you were came from Robin and Sonny. Do you have to throw away all the good he gave you because of the bad?”

“No,” Jason said slowly. “No, I guess not. But—”

“We’ll go to the hospital today, and we’ll say goodbye to that man. The man who held me on what I thought was the worst day of my life. The man that I held on the worst day of his—the day he and Carly lost that first baby. The man who offered you money for a ride home and didn’t believe you were as damaged as the rest of the world said. I’ll miss that man. Won’t you?”

Jacks Home: Foyer

“I really wish you’d change your mind about the hospital.” Bobbie slid her hair from beneath the collar of her jacket and turned back to Carly. “I’d be so much more help with you today—”

“It’ll be enough to think of you in Manhattan, visiting with Michael.” Carly glanced through her purse, making sure to have transferred things from her smaller bag. “Jason will be there today, and that’s all I need.”

“You finally got him to agree to come? I wasn’t sure he would.”

“Neither was I.” Carly removed her coat from the hanger, closed the closet door. “He and I don’t talk about Sonny much. Just that one conversation to talk about Silver Water. Otherwise…it’s a nonstarter. He’s holding it inside, just like he always does.”

“Maybe. It’s hard, I think, for the both of you,” Bobbie said. She rubbed her daughter’s arm. “I know it makes sense to lean on each other during a time like this, but it’s also perfectly ordinary that Jason might be leaning more on Elizabeth. Just as you’ve leaned on me.”

Irritation rippled through Carly. “I don’t know why. I’m the one who knew Sonny, not her. I don’t understand what she’s got that I don’t—”

“Carly.”

She fought the urge to hunch her shoulders and look away at the look of disappointment in her mother’s eyes. “What?”

“All things considered, with all the loss he’s suffered, Jason is happier now than I’ve seen him in years. Tell me you can see that, Carly. No matter how much you dislike Elizabeth, you can’t deny—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. She’s making him so happy I could puke,” Carly muttered. She buttoned her coat. “Just because he deserves to be happy, that doesn’t mean I have to be thrilled he chose another mealy mouthed girl with a hero complex—”

Bobbie grimaced. “Maybe I should go to the hospital after all. I’m sure you’ll run into Elizabeth, and the mood you’re in, you won’t be able to help yourself.”

“No. No. I can do this. I’ve been good for the last month. Since Jason threw me out of the hospital room. I can play nice to her face.” Carly tossed back her hair. “But that’s why I have you to vent to in private. You’re my mother, it’s your job to love me no matter how insufferable I’m being.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“Ha,” Carly muttered darkly. She yanked open the door. “I’ll see you when we get to Manhattan.” She paused at the threshold, took a long, shaky breath. “I don’t want to do this.

“I know.” Bobbie hugged her daughter firmly. “We’ll be okay, baby. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

Crimson: Kate’s Office

Kate hesitated at the threshold of her office, a file in one hand and her purse in the other. Her lips pressed together in an unhappy line as she turned deliberately away from Jax waiting in the receptionist area. “You’ve rescheduled all my necessary appointments for the next few hours?”

Maxie sprang up from her desk. “Yes. Mina is going to take the conference call with New York. Everything is all set. Um—” She slid a side glance at the man waiting. “I guess I don’t have to tell you that you have a visitor.”

“No, you don’t. That’ll be all, Maxie. You can take your lunch.”

“All right.” Maxie gathered her things and hurried out of the room.

Kate set her purse and the file on Maxie’s recently vacated desk. “I thought I had made myself entirely clear, Jax. There’s no need for you to come by looking for forgiveness—”

“That’s not what I wanted.” Jax came forward, tugging at his tie. “Carly won’t speak to me. Not even to talk about divorce. I’m just trying to find a way to make this right.”

Kate tipped her head, arched a slim brow. “I’m surprised you still think that’s possible at this point. Especially today. Did you know Carly was able to arrange for Sonny to be down the hall from Michael? Won’t that make the visitation easier?”

Jax closed his eyes, pain flickering across his face, and Kate felt just the hint of regret at the nasty jab. “I deserve that.”

“Yes, you do. I suppose I can understand how the petty side of your nature won during those few days. The power to deny Sonny something he wanted after all he’d done to you. I understand why you did it, Jax. That’s never been the problem.”

“Kate—”

“It wasn’t enough for you to block him from my room just a few times. You not only refused him to stay by my side, you refused to even let Maxie keep him updated.”

Jax looked away, and she nodded. “That’s right. You and Sonny were so alike. Using someone else as the weapon. Brenda, Carly. Michael. Me. And even Maxie. You’ve won, Jax. He’s finally gone. Everyone you know and love is finally safe from Sonny’s dangerous life. I hope that brings you some solace as you face the end of your marriage and the end of our friendship. There’s nothing you can do to make it right, Jax. Sonny is gone. The life I would have had died that day on the pier.”

“If it hadn’t been that day, it would have been another,” Jax bit out. “You and Carly act as if I’m the one that pulled trigger.”

“No, you weren’t. But you sure didn’t mind loading the gun.” Kate lifted her purse. “I have somewhere to be. Don’t be here when I return.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

The elevator doors slid open, and Jason hesitantly stepped out, Elizabeth trailing behind him, her hand firmly tucked in his, stopping short when he saw Kate sitting in the waiting room, thumbing through a magazine.

Carly was pacing a few feet away, nibbling at the nail on her thumb. She looked over, saw them, and her expression eased. “You—you came.”

“I told you I would.” Jason looked at Kate — the first time he’d seen her since that terrible day in the church. He remembered now, watching her walk down the aisle in her wedding white, the crimson stain of blood spreading across her dress.  “I didn’t—”

“Carly asked if I wanted to be here.” Kate set the magazine aside, rose to her feet. “I—I’m so sorry, Jason. For all of this.”

“Patrick said we could…I don’t know, I thought maybe we could—if you wanted time with him.” Carly looked at Kate. “To say—whatever you want to say.”

Jason cleared his throat, looking back at Elizabeth. “I don’t—”

“I’ll go first,” Kate volunteered. “I—I want to get this over—” She grimaced, closed her eyes. “That’s not what I meant—”

“It’s okay,” Jason interrupted. “We know what you mean.”

Kate smiled gratefully, then twisted the diamond ring on her finger. Her engagement ring. “I…I suppose I should get to it then. We’re on a schedule.”

She disappeared down the hall, and Carly finally sat down, perching on the edge of the chair, tapping her fingers against her thighs. “Thank you. For looking after Morgan tonight.”

“It’s the least we could do after all the help you gave us when I was hurt,” Elizabeth spoke up, and Carly looked at her, smiled thinly. “And Cam’s looking forward to it.”

“Good. Good. I just—” She closed her eyes. “I hate this. All of it.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “Barely a year since we did this. How do I have to do it again? How is this fair?”

“It’s not.” Elizabeth released Jason’s hand and went to sit next to Carly. “It’s cruel, and it shouldn’t be happening. I’m sorry, Carly.”

“Don’t be nice to me. It’s confusing,” Carly muttered. She folded her arms, looked down the hall where Kate had disappeared. “How can this be real?”

He wanted to run, to head for the emergency stairwell and flee the hospital, but if Carly could handle it, Jason was going to have to figure it out.

But like Kate, he just wanted all of this over with so he could go home and see his family, to remember the pieces of good he had in life, even if he didn’t deserve it.

Elm Street Pier

Any time now, Sonny would be wheeled out of the hospital into a transport van destined for the long-term hospital where he’d be put in a room and largely forgotten.

But would Johnny ever be able to forget the out-of-control mobster who’d blamed Johnny for all that had gone wrong in his life?

They’d washed away the blood from that day, Johnny thought, staring down at the weathered wood of the pier. It was like it had never happened. But every inch of Johnny’s life had been irrevocably changed by it.

“Reminiscing?”

Johnny jerked his head up, saw a man sauntering towards him, a smile etched smugly across his patrician features. “Who are you?”

“Who I am is of no matter. It’s what I know—what I can do that you ought to concern yourself with,” the man said, his words clipped and short in a posh British accent. “Your lovely wife has a reputation for championing children. A pediatric nurse, isn’t she?”

Johnny fisted his hands at his side. “Stay away from her—”

“I suppose she thinks she’s protecting a poor hapless victim by not telling everyone what happened here that day.” The man tipped his head. “But would she keep protecting a child killer?”

Blood roared in Johnny’s ears, the world falling away. This was the man who had threatened his sister. Who was threatening his wife. “I didn’t—I wouldn’t—”

“Ah, but you’re the one protecting the child killer. Not that little Michael Corinthos is actually dead, though I hardly think that matters to his mother and family. You don’t think the lovely nurse Nadine would be a bit conflicted protecting you, knowing the secret you’re keeping? How long would you stay out of jail then? And what would happen to your sister if the world knew?”

Johnny shook his head, started past him towards the stairs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“Ah, I see you don’t take me seriously. Perhaps a demonstration of my power is in order—”

“You can’t touch me, and you can’t touch my wife. It would be suicide—”

The man smiled. “I’ve always liked living on the edge. Your sister asked you for a favor. I think you ought to grant it.”

“Don’t—”

“Then again, you could keep refusing. After all, someone would have to be crazy to go after Johnny Zacchara or his wife. That, of course, leaves the rest of the world wide open. Would you like to take the risk, or will you do my bidding?”

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I’m dying
Are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It’s a very, very mad world, mad world
– Mad World, Gary Jules & Michael Andrews

---

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Coffee House: Jason’s Office

“Isn’t this a cozy scene?” Lucky growled, sweeping his eyes around the room, taking in the remnants of Jake everywhere, then focusing again on the sofa.

“Sorry, boss, we didn’t know if we should stop him,” Francis said, glaring at the younger man malevolently.

Jason’s arms tightened around his son reflexively, his adrenaline spiking for a minute before remembering that it was different now. That everyone knew who Jake was to him— and that Lucky couldn’t take him anywhere.

“What do you want?” Jason asked, closing the book, and rising to his feet, bringing Jake with him.

“I wanted to see my son,” Lucky said flatly, striding forward, but Jake, after five weeks of zero contact and a year of sporadic visits, didn’t recognize Lucky right away. He curled into Jason’s chest, throwing his arms around his father’s neck. “Jake, it’s me, it’s Daddy.”

“You need to go,” Jason said, careful to keep his tone even, calm. “You don’t have any business here.”

“The hell I don’t. You and Elizabeth think you can erase me from Jake’s life, you’ve got another thing coming—”

Jake. Not Cameron. Even now, even with the truth fully out that neither boy was his biological son, Lucky only thought about Jake. What kind of man could do that, Jason wondered, the anger rising. But he forced himself to remain calm.

“Jake, tell the man you want to see your daddy,” Lucky said again. “Jake—”

Jake turned to look at him, then looked at Jason, then at Lucky, then put his head in Jason’s chest again, his body trembling. Jason stroked his back.

“You’ve poisoned him against me, you and Elizabeth acting like I don’t exist—”

“You’re not a member of the PCPD anymore, Lucky,” Jason interrupted. “I can and will have you forcibly removed if you don’t leave on your own.”

“I’m not going anywhere without seeing my son. I’m his father,” Lucky repeated. “Jake, Jake, you know me. Come on, buddy.” His voice softened. “Remember when I took you to Thunder Island this summer? You, me, and Cam? We rode the GoKarts, and you dropped your ice cream.”

Jake’s trembling subsided, and he peeked his head out, looking at Lucky. “Chocolate. I like chocolate.”

“I know. We had to get you another one. And the second time, you got a Waffle cone, remember?”

“You go away,” Jake said. He shifted, more comfortable now, the memory anchoring him. Jason kept his expression clear, not wanting to give Lucky any hint of what this was costing him. “Why you leave?”

Coffee House: Parking Lot

Elizabeth closed the car door, rolling her neck and shoulders as she approached the double front doors. It had been a long first shift back, and Epiphany had refused to let her work the full ten hours, sending her home after six. She wanted to pull her weight, she’d told her supervisor, but she knew Epiphany was right. Elizabeth was barely up to the six hours she’d put in today, much less adding on four more.

And she still had three more days in this rotation. How had she managed to do this and still maintain a life?

Elizabeth hesitated for a moment, her finger resting on the silver door handle, her heart skipping a beat when she recognized the blurry figures behind the tempered glass of the door. Then heat crawled up her neck, and she jerked the door open.

Nikolas, sitting at a table with Sam, jumped to his feet when he saw Elizabeth there. “Elizabeth—”

Sam slowly rose, a smirk playing on her lips. “Well, isn’t this fun—”

“One more word, and Mac gets Amelia Joffee’s contact number,” Elizabeth said flatly. Sam’s smile slipped slightly. “She’s on standby, you know. Just waiting for us to pull the trigger. And when we do, Sam, because clearly it’s a when, she’ll be just the first domino to fall.” She stepped towards Jason’s ex-fiancée. “Because Angela Monroe is one of many, isn’t she?”

“Who’s Angela Monroe?” Nikolas asked, looking at Sam, then at Elizabeth again. “What’s going on?”

Sam glared at Elizabeth, the hatred burning in her dark eyes, then finally looked at her cousin. “Nothing. I think I should wait in the car.”

“That’s what I thought.” Elizabeth waited until Sam had left the coffee shop before looking at her former brother-in-law. “He’s back there, isn’t he?”

“Elizabeth—”

“Shut up and get out of my way.”

Coffee House: Jason’s Office

How much it hurt to see Jake remembering Lucky with any fondness, remembering him at all.

“Aunt Lu was sick. You remember Aunt Lu. She was with us that day, remember? She took you to clean up so Mommy wouldn’t get mad we messed up your shirt.” Lucky took another step towards them. “Aunt Lu is sick, and so I had to go help her.”

Jake’s lips trembled, and Jason wished he knew what to do. He wouldn’t give Jake to Lucky willingly, terrified Lucky might try to leave with him, and they’d have to stop him. But what if Jake wanted to go?

“I’ve missed you,” Lucky continued, sensing he was winning, that Jake was thawing towards him — and that Jason wasn’t going to have him thrown out now that the toddler remembered him. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“So much you didn’t call?”

Lucky spun around and Elizabeth stepped between Francis and the other guard, her cheeks flushed, her eyes brimming with fury. Just behind her, Nikolas stood, his shoulders hunched.

“Go ahead, Lucky,” Elizabeth said, crossing the threshold, putting herself between Jason and Lucky. “Tell Jake how long you’re staying.”

Lucky pressed his lips together, looked away.

“Jason, take Jake out front,” Elizabeth said, not taking her eyes off her ex-husband. “Let him choose some doughnuts to share with Cam when we get home.”

Jason hesitated, not wanting to leave her alone. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I guess we didn’t finish things last night. But we’re going to do it now.” Elizabeth caught Nikolas by the sleeve when her former brother-in-law tried to follow Jason and the guards out of the room. “No, don’t you dare— You brought him here, so you’re going to listen to what I have to say.”

“I have every right to see my son,” Lucky retorted. “You can’t keep me from him—”

“Yes, I can, and now? I’m going to enjoy it.” Elizabeth folded her arms. “We signed an agreement to keep custody out of court. You’d have generous visitation, as much as you wanted, and I’d make sure the boys were available to you within reason. I didn’t want child support, but you insisted.”

“That’s right, because I’m a good father—”

“You’re a little late, by the way, on that child support.” She looked at Nikolas who dipped his head. “Did he mention that? In addition to dumping the boys with my grandmother early in the morning while I was still unconscious after a terrible car accident, Lucky quit his job, moved across the country, didn’t leave a forwarding address or phone number, and hasn’t contacted me. Not to talk to the boys and certainly not to pay child support.” She returned her gaze to Lucky. “I wonder what a judge will think about that—”

“I wonder what a judge will think about you taking my sons and shacking up with a gangster five seconds after I left. Do they both call him Daddy now?” Lucky bit out.

“Did you go to Cam’s school first and try this?” Elizabeth asked. Lucky said nothing. “No, you didn’t. You didn’t go to the son who absolutely would have remembered you. Would have been ecstatic to see you. He’s asked for you every day — including yesterday by the way. And you’re still his emergency contact. I didn’t think to change it. So if you’d gone to get him, Lucky, I’d have no leg to stand on.”

“I didn’t—”

“We weren’t going to take Jake anywhere,” Nikolas said, throwing his brother a silencing glare. “Lucky just wanted to see him. We’re on the way to the airport—”

“Leaving without saying goodbye to Cameron again? Why doesn’t that surprise me? How did you know Jake was even here today?”

“I’m not—”

“Sam overheard Diane and her mother talking about it,” Nikolas volunteered, and Lucky glared at him.

“Of course she did. Well, I’ve already dealt with her,” Elizabeth said, then focused on Lucky again. “What did you think you were doing coming here?”

“He brought his son to a place where he meets with criminals—”

“Spare me your self-righteous crap. We both know why you’re here. You’re on your way out of town, so you’d thought you would stick it to Jason one more time. Make sure he knows that Jake sees you as his father.” Elizabeth demanded. “Because if you really cared, if you really wanted to see your sons, you’d have asked to see Cam. I might have said yes. Might have,” she repeated scathingly. “Because he’s the one who watched you leave. He’s the one who still asks for you.”

“I told you this wasn’t a good idea,” Nikolas told Lucky, turning away from Elizabeth, pitching his voice low. “Let’s just get out of here.” He looked at Elizabeth. “I’m sorry.”

“You should be. I hope you’re happy, Lucky, I hope this was worth it. Because it goes on the list of terrible choices you’ve made as a father. Come near Jake or Cam again, and I promise you that you’ll regret it. I will take you to court, and I will humiliate you–”

“Won’t be the first time, will it?” he demanded. “You told the whole world you screwed that criminal, and no one believed Jake was mine after that!”

“Yeah, well, this time I won’t feel bad about doing it! I will drag you into that courtroom and I will make sure every single terrible thing you’ve done will be put on record. The drugs, the affairs, the dangerous criminal you put my boys around waiting for you in the car. So get out of this office, Lucky, and get out of my life. This is your last warning.”

Lucky glared at her for another beat, then stormed past her out the door.

“Elizabeth—”

Elizabeth looked at her old friend, at her former brother-in-law, her eyes burning. “Shame on you for coming here with him, for putting my son through this. Forcing Jake to remember him just for a few minutes, so Lucky could make sure to twist the knife. One more jab at Jason for the road. Is that what you think a good father does?”

“Elizabeth—”

“You left and I understood it. I did. What Lulu’s facing is awful, and I’m sorry for it. I understood that she needed more treatment. I’m not angry at you or at Lucky for doing what was necessary for her. But you didn’t have to do it the way you did. Leaving without a word to me. I was awake when you left,” she reminded him, and he nodded, avoiding her gaze. “And you still said nothing to me. You and your brother are selfish right down to the bone, and this will be the last time I ever speak to either of you.”

“Liz, please, I just didn’t handle it well—”

“You make sure that Lucky knows if he comes near my children one more time, I will make him regret the day he was born. Get out of my life and take your worthless brother with you.”

Nikolas looked as if he wanted to argue but then nodded and left. Elizabeth followed him to the front of the coffee house, which was, as normal, mostly empty. Jason had Jake behind the counter, their backs to the door and to the hall, and she hoped that meant Jake hadn’t seen Lucky leave.

Nikolas made his way out of the double doors, and Elizabeth went to her son and to Jason.

“Hey, there’s my guys,” she said, lifting Jake into her arms, cuddling him. “Did you have fun with Daddy today?”

Jake furrowed his brows at her, looking so much like his father she wanted to weep. Then at his father, as if unsure which man she was talking about.

Jason stroked Jake’s back. “Do you want to show Mommy the pictures you made her?”

“I color,” Jake said, grinning and returning his gaze to his mother. “Daddy read me Chuggin’ Charlie, and I eat.” He held up his hand, the remains of a powered pastry on his fingers. “See? We gots more for Cam. And chocolate for you.”

“Chocolate, huh? That’s my favorite.” Elizabeth looked at Jason over their son’s head, hoping he could read the apology in her eyes. “Sounds like you guys had a great day.”

“It was,” Jason said. He leaned down, brushed his lips against her forehead, lingering. “Better now that you’re here. Why don’t we get Cam and go home?”

“I can’t think of anything I want more.”

Zacchara Estate: Study

Claudia sauntered into her father’s study, headed straight for the mini bar. Wine wasn’t good enough tonight, she thought, reaching for the decanter of vodka. “You bellowed, Daddy?”

“Took your sweet time in answering,” Anthony growled, rolling his chair from behind the desk towards the center of the room. “Your brother still hasn’t called or visited. You were supposed to fix that.”

She sipped the drink, looked at him. “I talked to him, but I’m not a miracle worker.” She’d done what she could to make Johnny see how few options they both had. Short of making the nurse disappear herself, Claudia was limited in what she could do.

Demanding Johnny turn on Jason without a good reason was a nonstarter, and she’d known that from the beginning. Johnny was too soft-hearted to do what was necessary for his own survival. He’d remember that Jason had protected him even to his own detriment, and well, maybe he wasn’t in love with the nurse yet, but Claudia knew he wasn’t far off.

No, demanding that Johnny get closer to Jason in order to ultimately turn on him — that was never going to happen to save himself. Or even his sister.

But he might be persuaded to do it if he thought Nadine was in trouble.

“Listen, Jezebel—”

“He’s wrapped up in the nurse, okay? He’s totally gaga for her, okay?” Claudia jerked a shoulder. “You’d be sick with how happy he looks.” She tossed back the rest of the vodka, poured another tumbler full. “Isn’t that what all the reports say?”

“Yeah.” Anthony studied her for a long moment. “You think he forgot Looloo so easy?”

Claudia considered the question for a long moment, staring at the clear liquid in the glass. “No,” she said finally. “I think Johnny liked that Lulu lived a little close to the edge, that he fancied them star-crossed with you trying to kill her and that boy she ended up killing — but this nurse — she’s different. You saw her in court, right? And here. She’s a do-gooder. A pure heart.”

Anthony folded his hands in his lap, looking away. “His mother was like that.”

“Yeah, not that Johnny really remembers that, thanks to you.” Anthony shot her a dirty look but didn’t dispute the jab, not that he could. “Right now, the nurse thinks Johnny’s worth her time. And he’s gonna try to live up to the man she already thinks he is. I guess we’ll see which one of them wins.”

Anthony grunted, gripped the wheels again. “Yeah, well, I’m not gonna sit around much longer. You tell him he better make time for me.”

“I’ll give him a call,” Claudia said, then watched Anthony roll out of the room, her stomach rolling. Once again, her actions were making Johnny the target of a lunatic’s actions, but this time she was dragging that stupid girl along for the ride. Her brother would never forgive her if this went wrong.

It was time to remind Johnny just what was at stake. She headed for the phone on the desk, picked it up and dialed.

Nadine’s Apartment: Kitchen

Johnny saw his sister’s name on his cell phone notification screen but slid the phone back into his pocket unanswered. He lifted the glasses of wine he’d poured and headed for the sofa where Nadine was already curled up, waiting for him.

He handed her a glass, then sat next to her, kicking off his shoes. “I’m glad you and Nikolas left things on a better note.”

“Me, too. And it made me think that maybe I should start visiting Jolene again.” She sipped the wine. “At least once or twice a month. I stopped because I hated seeing her like that, but you know, there are all those studies that say people in comas can hear you. Maybe they get lonely.”

“You are a much better person than I am,” Johnny told her, reaching for the remote for the DVD player. He pressed play and waited for her reaction to the movie he’d chosen from the store that afternoon.

Nadine laughed when the title came across the screen. “Made of Honor? You rented a romantic comedy?”

“Yeah, well, I figured we’d start with something you like. I got Al Pacino for tomorrow,” he told her.

“Only fair.” Nadine snuggled in, and they leaned back to watch the movie — Johnny ignoring every vibration of his phone.

Claudia had gotten herself into trouble, and she was going to have to get herself out of it. He’d stick close to Nadine and make sure she was safe, but his sister would have to fend for herself.

Warehouse

Jerry sidestepped a stack of pallets that had fallen at some point and now lay scattered towards the loading dock at the back of the building. A rat scurried past him, disappearing into the dark shadows. He wrinkled his nose, looked at the man waiting for him. “Was there really nowhere else we could have met?” he asked.

The man turned to face him. “I find that no one truly expects the villain to take up residence in an abandoned warehouse. It is, how do you say, too cliche?” Andrei Karpov quirked a brow.

“Ah, still pretending to have a poor command of the English language. Does that work for you?” Jerry wanted to know.

“It does, yes. The only accent anyone respects is the British one,” Karpov muttered, and Jerry just smiled. “Do we banter more, or do we get to business?”

“I could banter all afternoon, my friend, but all right. Let’s get down to it.” Jerry folded his arms. “I’ve made contact with Claudia Zacchara. I’m confident she’ll carry out my command, she has few options. But we can’t have any more screw ups from your end. I warned you Sonny Corinthos was too unpredictable.”

“I had no choice. The other one will not see reason. I had thought I could make Corinthos angry enough to join me. To demand my resources. It would have been a pleasure to watch him, Jason Morgan fight each other while I took advantage of their distraction.”

“It would have been, but I also seem to remember reminding you that Jason Morgan has a troublesome ability to compartmentalize. He managed to balance the loss of his best friend and the near death of his paramour, organize an FBI raid on your cargo ship and still find time to take a child to preschool.” Jerry lifted his brow. “It’s a shame we can’t find a way to bring him to our side. We’d take over the world in a matter of weeks.”

Karpov’s face creased with fury. “He had his chance to join us. Now I grind him beneath my shoe—”

“Yes, of course, but will you take my advice this time? You sought me out because I knew the players,” Jerry reminded him. “What point is there in collaboration if you refuse to listen?”

The other man was clearly unhappy with Jerry’s conclusion but admirably fought it back. “You tell me Claudia Zacchara can get me what I want, but you don’t tell me how. Explain and maybe I will agree you know best.”

“It’s simple. Jason Morgan can’t be dealt with in the usual ways. We could go after his family. Relieve him of the nurse or one of those kids. It’s a tried-and-true method that clearly broke Sonny Corinthos. But Morgan? I think we’d only make him more angry. He’d murder you in your sleep, Andrei, and grieve his loss when you were dead. Look at Manny Ruiz. Spent months targeting the lovely Samantha and was shoved off a roof for his troubles.”

“Yes, yes, you tell me this, and you still—”

“You need to destroy Jason from the inside. Take him apart when he least expects it. Johnny Zacchara has already proved to be a nick in Morgan’s armor. He let the boy live after shooting Sonny. And helped him escape all blame by facilitating the wedding to the witness. Johnny will protect his sister. And we hold a very terrible truth over Claudia’s head. She’ll try to scurry around, think of how to get out of our hold for a day or two. But she’ll ultimately realize the only way to save her skin—and her baby brother’s—is to do business with us.”

“This still doesn’t get me Morgan or the territory. I want those shipping lanes—”

“You Russians have no appreciation for flair or dramatics. Honestly. If you were half as interesting as the Sicilians and Italians, you’d see movies made romanticizing you.” Jerry paused. “May I continue?”

“Get to the point. Quickly.”

“We will make sure Johnny knows we can get to him at any point. Not just him, but his wife. He’s protective of the girl. And she’s walking around without any security. I can think of a dozen ways to use her as a message. Johnny will have no choice but to work with us. He’ll either have to do our bidding or come clean to Jason Morgan about his sister’s role in Michael’s shooting. And his knowledge of it. It’s perfect, really. Johnny Zacchara is already on record hating his father, wanting to escape. We’ll push him right into Morgan’s arms.”

“You put a lot of weight on this boy choosing us. How can you be sure he won’t flee and abandon the girl and his sister?”

“That’s an excellent question.” Jerry smiled. “He can’t resist a damsel in distress. Fortunate for us, isn’t it?”

Out of the darkness and into the sun (into the sun)
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And break away, break away, break away
– Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson

---

Thursday, November 6, 2008

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

 Nadine flipped through paperwork, searching for a patient’s discharge summary. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Matt Hunter standing in front of Robin’s hospital room, his hand hovering over the handle.

He pulled it back, walked a few steps away, then doubled back. Nearly reached for the door again, then dropped his hand. She lifted her head to get a better look, then winced when Matt caught her staring and immediately headed in the opposite direction.

What would it be like, Nadine wondered, to end up working alongside the half-brother your father chose over you? To be confronted every day with the family that you’d been denied because of his selfishness? She and Matt had definitely gotten off on the wrong foot when she’d suspected him of some nefarious intentions at the clinic, but she knew what it was like to be rejected by her father and to be at odds with her only sibling.

Her father had barely stuck around long enough to be named on the birth certificate, and as for Jolene—

Nadine lifted her eyes to the ceiling, where several floors above her, Jolene lay in a coma, unresponsive and unlikely to wake up.

The ding of the elevator doors brought her gaze back down, and a scowl spread across her face when she saw Nikolas step out. She lifted her paperwork and headed for the back exit of the nurse’s station, uninterested in another round of what a horrible human she was.

“Nadine—Nadine—just—” She heard Nikolas’s steps quicken, and he caught her just before she reached the staff room.

“Don’t touch—” She whirled around, slapped at the hand holding her elbow. “Don’t touch me.”

He immediately backed up, hands held up in surrender. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just—I wanted to talk to you.”

“I’ve had enough talking from you, thanks. I don’t need you to tell me what a garbage person I am.”

“I wasn’t—” Nikolas swallowed hard. “I deserve that reaction, especially with what I said—”

“Exactly—” She turned away, reaching for the door handle.

“But I’d appreciate if you’d let me apologize.”

Nadine sighed, muttered under her breath. She was such a soft touch — and had such a desperate need to please, to be liked. “You have one minute—” she said, facing him again, clutching her charts more tightly. “Make it good.”

“I’m sorry,” Nikolas said. “I got a brutal reminder that life goes on, even when everything else seems to stop, and I didn’t—I didn’t really appreciate it. It’s just—it’s not an excuse, but for the last month, I’ve been visiting Lulu every day and it’s—” He looked away, exhaled in a rush. “It’s not easy looking in her eyes and seeing nothing, you know? Everything that made her who she is, that made her special and alive, it’s just gone. She’s like a doll. You can lift her hand and lead her around, but there’s nothing inside.”

Nadine bit her lip, her heart softening despite her best intentions. “I stopped visiting Jolene because it was hard to see her that way. I can’t imagine what it’s like to see it in Lulu. I truly am sorry, Nikolas—”

“No, I know—I know.” He cleared his throat. “You looked after her when she was here. And I was grateful for it. So when Alexis told us you’d married Johnny a few days later, I just—I let myself forget who you are. I just assumed you’d done it to impress him. And Maxie didn’t exactly reassure me.”

“Maxie doesn’t have a reassuring bone in her body. She’s been angry at us since the beginning.” Nadine shifted the files again. “Nikolas—”

“You don’t have to explain what you’re doing with Johnny. You don’t—”

“I’m not sure I can,” Nadine confessed, and he looked at her, his brows pulled together quizzically. “It started because of Lulu. Because I felt sorry for him. For all of you. And he was just so sad, you know? I just wanted to help him. Maybe figure out how to convince you to let him see her in California. But…well, things happened. I’m sure you heard about Sonny.”

“Yeah. Was…was that why you were on the pier that day? Talking to him about Lulu?”

“I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you anything about any of it. Other than I promise you that until you and Lulu were gone, Johnny and I were nothing but friendly acquaintances,” Nadine said. “That’s not what we are now, and I’m not going to make any apologies for that.”

“I don’t—I don’t expect you to.” Nikolas nodded. “Okay. Okay. That was more of an explanation than I deserved. Lucky and I—we’re here to fly back with my mother. I don’t plan to come back unless Lu recovers. So I just—I just wanted to say thank you. For forcing me to live again.”

“Thank you for your friendship. I wish you the best. I mean that, Nikolas,” she said when he started to turn away. “I hope there’s a miracle, and you get Lulu and your mother back. I like Lulu. I know that might seem insane, but I’d rather her be here, screaming at me, than locked up the way she is now. I’d give anything to save you the kind of hell that you’ve been through with your mother.”

“Thanks. Take care of yourself, Nadine.” He kissed her cheek, then left.

Lake House: Hallway

Sam left the guest room and started down the hallway towards the living room, hesitating when she heard a familiar voice with her mother. Maybe she should stay out of sight until Diane left, she thought, remembering that Jason’s lawyer would likely have no love for her. The annoying woman knew far too much about Sam and her acrimonious breakup with Jason for Sam’s comfort, and she had no problem imagining Elizabeth unloading all her fury with Lucky in the weeks since they’d gone.

Sam had tagged along on the return to Port Charles to see her mother and sisters, but she’d been curious to see if Lucky would be able to repair the bridges he’d burned leaving so abruptly — if he would, as he’d boasted in California, be able to use his connections to Elizabeth’s grandmother to guilt Elizabeth into letting him have visitation with the boys after all.

Sam doubted it but figured it would be worth it for Lucky to get a dose of reality — and if it bothered Jason or made waves in his apparent happy life with Elizabeth — well, there was no reason not to have a front row seat.

Sam hovered by the doorway, waiting for a sign that Diane wouldn’t be staying long.

“I still think you can get a better price on that property,” her mother said. “I think another meeting with the council—”

Diane snorted, and there was some rustling of paper. “Please. If I even suggest to Jason that he meet with one more politician, he’ll throw me out of his office. That man does not like schmooze.” There was a beat of silence. “Ironic, if you ask me. Sonny always liked that part of the job, and those city councilors never wanted to meet with him.”

“Jason will never admit it, but his Quartermaine connections open more doors for him. You absolutely should bring it up to him. Point out that everything that makes him seem respectable will be good for the kids.”

Sam made a face at this reminder, but Diane’s tone was thoughtful when she responded, “You have a point. He’s really embraced this whole father thing. Elizabeth is going back to work this week, and they didn’t even bother to hire a nanny. Jason brings Jake everywhere with him, even to the coffee house. I couldn’t imagine wanting to spend so much time with a toddler. They’re so…sticky.”

“No one would ever mistake you for possessing maternal feelings,” Alexis responded dryly, and Diane snickered.

“I’ll stop by there today, bring it up to him. I’ll have a little more coffee first, and another Danish.”

Sam rolled her eyes, and headed back down the hallway towards the kitchen and back door. Sounded like Diane wasn’t leaving any time soon, and she had places to be.

General Hospital: Parking Garage

Anna slammed the car door and offered Mac another scowl. “I simply don’t understand how you can be so resistant! You saw the same as I did yesterday!”

Mac sighed, closed his car door more sedately. “Patrick is a first-time father. He’s overprotective and a control freak. That’s what I saw yesterday.”

She came around the trunk of the car, planted her hands on her hips. “I overheard him telling that blonde nurse that she had to double check everything, every medication, even the epidural—”

“Do I think that’s overboard, sure—”

“I told you that Elizabeth Webber’s complication made no sense, and you refuse to let me tell you the results of the toxicology—”

“Because I can’t use anything that the WSB didn’t get legally, and you know they didn’t go through the right channels. If they did, you’d be using them. So, no, Anna—” Mac clenched his jaw. “I don’t want to know something I can’t do anything about. Get me those records in a way that doesn’t get them tossed out of court, and maybe we’ll talk.”

“But—”

“But nothing. I’ve told you over and over since the day you came here—I can’t help you more than I already have. I’ve told you what I know. I’ve opened my case files. Robin’s healthy. Emma is perfect. Everything went according to plan, and if there is something going on, Patrick’s on top of it. You don’t even know that he’s doing anything illegal—”

“What about unethical? Does that not count for anything?”

“Don’t talk to me about ethics,” Mac said. He shrugged off her hand, headed for the elevators. “Don’t you dare stand there as a representative from the WSB and talk about ethics. They had you committing God knows how many crimes as a double agent—”

“That was for the greater good—”

“Who determines that?” Mac turned back, his scowl deepening. “Who decides any of that? What’s good, what’s bad? Where’s the line, Anna? How do you decide that what you’ve done is any better than what you think Patrick is doing? Or Jason Morgan? I don’t work with ethics. I don’t work with morality. I work with the law. Because that’s all I’ve got, and you used to understand that. You used to respect that.”

“I do—”

“Really? Really? You want to talk about respecting the law, being ethical? You came here and dug in your daughter’s life because she used to date Jason Morgan. Because she’s still close to his family. And now you’re digging in Patrick’s life because maybe something happened to Elizabeth Webber on his watch, and he’s covering it up—”

“He is—”

“Really? You can stand there and tell me that what happened to her was illegal?” Mac demanded. “You know for sure that Elizabeth and her family weren’t made aware of what was going on? That they don’t have these toxicology results? How do you know Elizabeth isn’t keeping what happened quiet because it’s connected to Jason? Why are you so sure it’s Patrick?”

“Because it would have to involve him. He would have to sign off on not investigating—”

“And how do you know he didn’t? Spinelli was hanging around here back then. Maybe everything that happened is completely above board. You’ve got nothing. Even with your toxicology reports. But hey, Anna, if you’re so sure that Patrick is committing crimes, that he’s in cahoots with the mob, ask him.”

Anna pursed her lips, folded her arms. “I can’t. I was directed to keep my cover—”

“Because then Robin would know why you’re really here. So you want me to be the bad guy. I’m not interested, Anna. So either find me something I can actually use or drop it. I’m done having this argument.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

“For that, Lucky, for making you believe I ever thought you were better, I am sorry.” 

The whole trip had been a waste of time. He ought to have let Nikolas come and handle their mother’s transfer on his own for all the good it had done to get on a plane and travel three thousand miles just to have Elizabeth sneer at him.

Lucky tuned out Sam and Nikolas talking about plans for their return to California, Sam’s interest in getting her private investigator’s license in California, Nikolas setting up office space for Cassadine Industries— he was a million miles away.

No, not a million. Just a few. Just standing outside of his house, listening to his ex-wife heap vitriol and hatred on his head as if she was some perfect woman who had never made a mistake. Who had carried on an emotional affair with another man for more than year? Who had lied about the paternity of her son? Who had humiliated him over and over again, year after year—

What right did Elizabeth have to stand in front of his family’s home — the family that had taken her in and loved her more than her own ever had—and denounce Lucky as a father, a husband, and a man?

“I never thought you were the better choice for Jake.”

He’d done a lot of wrong in his life, but he’d never deserved the lies she’d told him. Had she and Jason been laughing at him all this time? Having their affair, keeping their secrets, pretending they were some sort of star-crossed Romeo and Juliet? He was a violent criminal, and she was a lying bitch.

“I just wanted to make sure you know that in every way that matters, you will never measure up to him.”

 “Lucky?”

He jolted when his brother kicked him lightly beneath the table. “What?” Lucky cleared his throat, focused on his girlfriend and Nikolas. “Sorry, I zoned out.”

“We were just wondering if there was anything we left out,” Sam said, tipping her head to the side. “Nikolas asked if you wanted to stop by your aunt’s—”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Your mom said she was still pissed at me, and I’m guessing Aunt Bobbie has heard Elizabeth’s side of the story, too,” Lucky said, making a face. “And I just know Carly is on Jason’s side. You know how she manipulates her mother.”

“Well, if you don’t want to stop by Bobbie’s, then there’s really nothing keeping us here. Mom’s transfer is set,” Nikolas said. “Paperwork is signed. Unless you’ve changed your mind about staying a few more days, talking to that custody lawyer I told you about.”

“Maybe you should talk to him,” Sam said, and Lucky looked at her, frowning. “I know you said you didn’t want a long, drawn-out custody battle, especially if you’ll lose. But if something happens to Cam or Jake, well, you’ll regret it, won’t you? Not doing something. I told you what I heard at my mother’s this morning, about Jason bringing Jake to the coffee house.” She lowered her voice, and leaned in. “I told you, Sonny used to use that place to meet all kinds of people, and you just know Jason’s doing the same thing. Think about Jake being around all of that.”

Lucky dragged a hand down his face. “No,” he said after a long moment. “No, I hate that they’re in this life. That Elizabeth has done this to them, but she made it pretty clear last night that she’d fight anything I tried, and I did myself no favors taking off the way I did.” He glanced at Nikolas who made a show of sipping his coffee, saying nothing. “I did what I thought was right at the time, but we never had a custody agreement. And we all know Jason can fight dirtier than me.”

Sam sighed. “All right, but—”

“I’ve made up my mind. Our life is in California now. It was the right choice,” Lucky said. “A fresh start for all of us away from bad memories and, well, past mistakes.” His mouth firmed as he remembered Elizabeth’s parting words.

 “Because I promise you, Jason and I will make sure that they never remember you.”

“There’s just one stop I want to make before we go.”

Jacks Estate: Michael’s Bedroom

 “Pilar said you were up here.”

Carly paused in the act of laying a stack of folded sweaters into a box, looking up to find her mother at the threshold of Michael’s room. “I thought you were going to spend the day with Nikolas and Lucky.”

Bobbie made a face, then came in and sat on the edge of Michael’s bed. “I started to. I met them for breakfast at Kelly’s and only made it through coffee before Lucky made me angry. Rather than throw my tea at him, I left.”

Carly sat back on her heels, tracing the seam of one of the sweater collars. “Was it about the kids? I haven’t—I wanted to ask Jason how that was going, but there’s been so much going on, and well, he’s made it clear I’m not exactly the person he’d confide in anyway.”

“Carly—”

“I’ve been organizing Sonny’s move to Silver Water. That looks like it can be done next week, which is good. Some closure on that. And I was thinking—this house is just too big for me and Morgan.” Carly closed the drawer she’d emptied, opened another. “When Jax and I deal with the property, I think I’ll tell him he can buy me out or we can just sell—”

Bobbie tipped her head. “Have you decided to file for divorce?”

“No. No, we can’t seem to bring up the word yet, but we’ll get there. And you know, this room is just sitting here.” Carly removed a stack of T-shirts, laid them on top of the sweaters. “Morgan can have the toys, but I thought maybe I could donate the clothes. They’re in good shape—some—some haven’t been worn—”

“Carly—” Bobbie came over, knelt down. “Let’s take a minute—”

“No, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve been putting it off because I didn’t want to face it, but there’s no point in pretending. Sonny is gone, just like Michael. It’s—” She looked at her mother, blurred through the tears that stung her eyes. “The rehab center called. They managed to find Sonny a room down the hall from Michael. They’ll be near each other. It’ll make it easier when I visit, but they’ll never know that. They’ll never know—” Her voice broke, and she pressed a fist against her mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know you’ve been through this with BJ, and I’m acting like I’m the first person to lose someone—”

“It was different with BJ,” Bobbie said, though her voice faltered a bit. “It was,” she insisted when Carly just shook her head. “With BJ, there was closure. There was an ending. A devastating ending but all the same — we knew she was gone. With Michael and Sonny — there’s just enough hope to keep them alive. But not enough to dream about them coming home one day and having life go back to the way it was. I want so badly to believe that they’ll both come out of this—”

“What kind of person does it make me that I don’t wish that?” Carly murmured. “I don’t know if I want Sonny to wake up.”

“Carly.”

“He’s the father of my children, and I can’t help but think—God, wouldn’t we all be better off if that bullet had been just a little to the right and maybe it would all be over. It’s not right, it’s not fair that we have to do this again when we just put Michael through this six months ago. Morgan still asks for them both. And I can’t do anything about it. I can’t bring him to see them — he’ll never understand why they can’t wake up. And there’s no grave — it’s just this horrible non-ending. And I hate it. You’re right. There’s no closure. There’s just…this horrible future that I can’t do anything about.”

Coffee House: Jason’s Office

Elizabeth had returned to work that morning, leaving before either of the boys woke up, and after dropping Cameron off at preschool, Jason had worked at home that morning, going over some paperwork, catching up on things he’d pushed aside while Jake took his morning nap and had lunch.

But after lunch, there were things that had to be done in person, so Jason headed to the coffee house, packing Jake up with a bag of toys and snacks, reminding himself that he needed to set something up more permanent at the office so that Jake had an area to play in without having to drag bags back and forth.

Jake was happy enough sitting on the floor by the sofa, playing with his dump truck and some of his other favorite toys that made noise. Then he wanted to color, and Jason switched areas with him, setting him up at the desk with crayons, blank paper and coloring books, and went to read the reports on the sofa.

He just liked being in the same room with his son, keeping one eye on him, listening to him amuse himself — having a conversation with himself as he picked out crayons. It reminded him of that first Christmas in the studio, when he’d recuperated from his gunshot wound and Elizabeth had sung to herself while painting.

About an hour before it was time to pick up Cameron, Jake climbed down from Jason’s desk chair, and headed to the bag they’d packed. Jason didn’t raise his head from the contract, but his eyes were on the toddler the whole time.

Jake dug through it, then came up with Chuggin’ Charlie Rides Again, his current favorite book. He came to Jason, held it out. “Book. Daddy. Read.”

Without a second thought, Jason set the paperwork aside, lifted Jake in his arms, and they leaned back, Jake holding the book open.

A few pages in, Jason heard voices outside — Francis’s voice closer to the door, and easier to recognize. He’d been told that only Diane and Elizabeth were to interrupt him unless it was an emergency, so Jason returned his attention to the book, making it to the end of another page before the voices in the hall got closer—and louder.

And Jason recognized the second only a moment before the door crashed open, and Lucky was there.

Has someone taken your faith?
It’s real, the pain you feel
Your trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best
The best of you?
– Best of You, Foo Fighters

---

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

 Crimson Pointe: Terrace

Claudia paced from one end of the terrace to the other, her black stilettos clicking against the paving stones beneath her feet. She’d managed to keep her father happy with the news Johnny planned to call and make plans soon—

But the conversation with Jerry Jacks still echoed in her head, and no matter how she twisted, Claudia just couldn’t see a way out of this. Not one that kept her relationship with her brother intact. He needed to get into Jason’s circle of trust.

The door behind her opened, and Claudia turned. Ric stepped out, a jacket in one hand, and a wine glass in the other. He handed her the wine, then dropped the jacket on her shoulders. “It’s too cold to be out here in that dress,” he told her, stepping back. “And you look like you need a drink.”

“I need the bottle,” she muttered. She swirled the dark red liquid, then tilted the glass back, drinking half the contents in one desperate gulp. “And don’t look at me that way.”

“What way?” He tipped his head, his eyes soft. But she wasn’t going to fall for that. Nope.

“Like you’re not waiting for the first chance to throw me under the bus so you can look good in front of my father. I know you, Ric,” Claudia bit out. “You and me, we’re the same. Look out for number one. No one else matters.”

“And that’s why we get along so well. How do you know I can’t help you and keep things good with Anthony? I’ve got a lot of experience playing both sides.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” Her fingers tightened around the stem of the glass. “Even if I needed help—which I don’t—I wouldn’t ask a lawyer, that’s for damn sure. I just—” Claudia hesitated. “I made a mistake, and I can fix it. I can do that, I’m a big girl.”

“Are you telling me or yourself?”

“Ah, to hell with this.” She shoved the wine and jacket at him, then stalked inside.

General Hospital: Robin’s Room

“I want to count her fingers again,” Robin said to Patrick, her voice still a bit hoarse. “I know there were ten the last time—”

“And the time before,” he added, but was smiling. “But go ahead. Let’s see if she lost a finger or two since then.”

“You’re making fun of me,” Robin accused, shifting their daughter in her arms, wincing as she moved the bottom half of her body. “Oh, man. That’s going to hurt forever.”

“Well, it’s not like labor is easy. I still have claw marks on my arm—”

“Very funny.” Robin held out the bundle, and Patrick accepted, still marveling at how light the baby felt. Nothing more than a bundle of feathers, he thought. Robin laid her head back against the pillow, closing her eyes. Her eyes fluttered again, and found his. “We have a baby. She’s here.”

Months of terror had led to this scrap of human in his arms. Patrick gazed down at the miniature face, her tiny fists covered with white mittens to protect her skin.

“Hey.” A soft knock drew his attention and he looked over to find Elizabeth stepping inside the room. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Robin’s eyes opened again, and she grinned. “Elizabeth. I made a baby.”

“Yeah, you did,” Elizabeth said, returning the broad smile. “Let me see!”

Reluctantly, Patrick placed her in Elizabeth’s arms. “Careful, she’s—” He winced when Elizabeth just arched a brow. “Right. Forgot who I was talking to.”

“That’s okay. You’re a first time daddy, you’re allowed to be overprotective. Oh, look at her little mouth and that nose! She looks just like you, Robin,” Elizabeth said. “What’s her name?”

“Emma.” Robin reached for Patrick’s hand. “Emma Grace. We wanted something for Emily, but not quite Emily, you know? In case Jason—well, I guess in case you and Jason want to do something one day.”

“Oh, wow, I don’t know about that, but Emma is a beautiful name.” Elizabeth’s eyes glimmered with tears. “She’s so beautiful, you guys. Absolutely perfect. You did good work. I’m so happy for you.”

“It’s hard to think about life moving forward sometimes,” Robin said, her eyes open fully now. “This little girl is here, and down the hall, a few flights down…” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Gossip says he’s being moved sometime next week.”

“Yeah. Yeah, they’re talking about it.” Elizabeth swayed, rocking the baby in her arms. “I’ll make sure you find out when. In case you want to…I don’t know. I know how close you were.”

“Seems almost unfair, doesn’t it?” Robin said as Elizabeth handed Emma back to her. “Here I am, with everything I ever wanted. A perfect baby. Great friends. Hot fiancé.”

“Hey. I’m not just a set of dimples you know,” Patrick said, and she grinned.

“I said what I said.” Robin looked back at Elizabeth. “Here I am with the whole world at my feet, and there’s so many who didn’t get this far. Stone. Lily.” Her eyes were pained. “Georgie. Emily. Michael. Now Sonny. You start to wonder why you get the good fortune, and they don’t.”

“Hey,” Patrick said, a bit uncomfortable. “You deserve all this—”

“So did Michael. He was such a sweet little boy. You remember him, don’t you, Elizabeth? He had the loveliest smile as a baby.” Robin closed her eyes. “I loved him like he was my own, you know. It killed me when she came back. When she took my life. My baby. My love.”

Patrick stroked her hair. “That was a long time ago, sweetheart.”

“I know. I know. And it worked out for the best because I have you and I have Emma. And Jason, I’m glad for him, too. He has you.” Robin met Elizabeth’s eyes. “But Michael. I know it sounds awful, but there’s something about your firstborn. I know Michael wasn’t ours. But we loved him. We loved him so much. And now he’s gone, and we never get to find out who he would have been.”

“Hey.” Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed. “It doesn’t sound awful at all. I know how much Jason loves Michael. And you, I’m so sorry I didn’t think of how it might hit you.”

“I didn’t either, but Emma, she’s here. I get to hold her. And there hasn’t really been another baby I’ve loved like her except him—” She exhaled slowly. “I’m okay. I’m okay. I just—it hit me all at once. Hormones,” she managed.

“You never have to apologize,” Patrick told her, then met Elizabeth’s eyes, gave her a look. She nodded.

“I’m totally abusing my power and visiting after hours, but I couldn’t stand to wait another minute. I absolutely plan to spend every break here tomorrow,” she warned Robin, then kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you get some sleep? You’ll need it, I promise.”

“Let me take Emma so she can nap,” Patrick told Robin. “I’ll walk Elizabeth to elevator.” He kissed her forehead, settled Emma in her bassinet.

Out in the hallway, Elizabeth cleared her throat. “You’re not angry at her, are you? Because—”

“God, no. I just feel like a heel for never really thinking about her past with Michael. She mentioned it, but I don’t think I realized until right now how all of that must felt.” He folded his arms, absently rubbing his bicep with one hand. “I wasn’t here for any of that.” He looked at Elizabeth. “How’s, uh, Jason with that?”

“Managing. Better than he was. But next week—” She sighed. “I’m just—I understand what Robin’s thinking. Because I have what I want, too. Perfect little boys who are happy and healthy. A wonderful man that loves me. Supportive family, friends. And I look at Jason, even Carly, Monica—and I just think—how much loss should one family have to face?”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

After dinner, Jason volunteered to handle clean up and bedtime so that Elizabeth could go to the hospital and see Robin and the baby. He’d go another time, or when Robin was home, he assured her.

After putting the dishes in the dishwasher, and a bath that had left both boys clean but the towels soaked, Jason settled them downstairs on the sofa with some toys and Chuggin’ Charlie on the television. He’d hoped to get through some paperwork before it was bedtime, but Cameron wanted him to play.

And maybe one day Jason would say no to that request, but after the conversation at the coffee house earlier, it wasn’t going to be today.

Cameron explained all the superheroes to him, patiently holding each one up, reciting their name, powers, and some backstory that Jason knew he wouldn’t keep straight and wasn’t sure how a four-year-old could.

Cameron went over to the toy box and returned with a doll with blonde hair. “This is the victim. We save her,” he told Jason. “You be Deadpool and I be Spiderman.”

“Me.” Jake came over, picked up a blue toy with the American flag. “Me, Cam. I be Blue.”

Cameron made a face. “You’re not big enough to be Cap.” He rooted around in his plastic box, handed Jake a plastic doll. “You be Venom. He’s bad guy. He kidnap princess, and Spiderman and Deadpool save him.”

Jake threw the figurine. “Not bad guy! I good guy!”

Jason scratched his forehead. “Cameron, does it matter which one he plays?”

Cameron looked aggrieved, so clearly it mattered a lot but then looked at his little brother with his eyes shimmering with tears. “Okay. You Cap, but Spiderman in charge.”

Jake beamed, his fingers grasped around the blue superhero. “I Cap, Daddy. See?” He held it out for Jason to examine. “He blue. I like blue.”

“I see that. Blue’s a good color.” Jason made a show of examining the toy, then looked up to see Cameron watching them. “Spiderman’s blue, too,” he said, a bit hesitantly, unsure if he’d unwittingly showed a preference between the two.

“You Jake’s Daddy. He calls you that every day.”

Jason sat back against the sofa, stretched out his legs. “Uh, yeah, I guess he does.” He had, in fact, done it more regularly lately, Jason thought. “Is that okay?”

Cameron pursed his lips. He sat back on his heels. He looked down at his toy, moving Spiderman’s leg back and forth. “Me and Jake used to have the same daddy. I don’t got one now.”

Jason went still because this wasn’t a conversation he’d been expecting or prepared for. Not this way. Not without Elizabeth. “Why do you think that?”

“Daddy took us to Grammys and said he’d come back.” Cameron looked at him, and the sadness in his’s eyes made him want to hunt Lucky Spencer down and disembowel him. “He not come back. But we come here with Grammy. I like it.”

“I like it, too,” Jason said carefully. “I like having you both here. And your mother.”

“And Snelli sometimes,” Cameron said. “But how come Jake call you Daddy? Why do he got a different daddy? Where did mine go?”

Jason considered the question, looked at Jake, then at Cameron again. “There are a lot of ways to make a family. You and your mother are family because of blood. And love.”

“She made me in her tummy like she make Jake. She said I was safe and warm until I was ready, and she let me feel Jake kick. That’s why she’s my mommy.”

“That’s right. Sometimes, two people—they love each other and they make a baby together that lives in the mommy’s tummy for a while.”

“You and Mommy make Jake?” Cameron said. He looked at his brother, furrowed his brow. “Who make me with Mommy?”

“His name was Zander. He died before you were born. Like Aunt Emily.”

“Oh.” Cameron considered this. “But I had a daddy. Me and Jake have a daddy. You and Mommy didn’t make me?”

“No, I wish we had,” Jason told him. He reached for Cameron, and the four-year-old came easily, sitting in Jason’s lap. “Families can be made because they share blood. That’s you and your mommy and Jake. But they can also be made from choice. Aunt Emily was my sister, but our mother didn’t make us. She chose us to raise and love. And Aunt Carly. She’s my family because we chose her, so you and Jake are her family, too. And Morgan. Aunt Bobbie chose your mother, so she’s yours. There are a lot of ways to be a family, Cam.”

“I like choosing. I choosed Morgan, and Aunt Car and Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Nik and Aunt Lu—” Cameron blinked. “But my daddy stopped choosing me. He went away. He said he come back and he never come back.” He was quiet. “Are you going away?”

“No. I’m not going anywhere. Every day, I take you to school, and what do I tell you?”

“You say you see me after. And you always come back.” Cameron’s lips curved into a smile, and his face lit up. “You choose me?”

“I choose you,” Jason said. “Every day forever. I choose you and your mother and your brother.”

Cameron laid his head against Jason’s shoulder. “Okay. I choose you, too. Now me and Jake have the same daddy again.”

“Yeah.” Jason kissed the top of his head, gathered Jake to his other side. “Yeah, you do.”

General Hospital: Nursery

After leaving Elizabeth at the elevator, Patrick had convinced Robin to take Emma to the nursery so that Robin could get some real rest. It had been a battle, but Patrick had promised to check on their daughter often until Robin woke up.

Now, he stood in front of the glass window watching the row of babies, watching his daughter sleep, her little fists raised up on either side.

She was here. She was real. He was a father.

He heard the squeak of shoes against the linoleum and looked up, saw Matt standing not far away, indecision in his expression. The younger man didn’t move closer, but he didn’t leave either.

Patrick looked back at Emma. “I never wanted to be a father,” he said. “Never wanted to fall in love. Never wanted my father’s life. To love someone so much that the loss destroys you.”

Matt stepped up to the glass but remained several feet away from him. “How’s that going for you?”

Patrick’s lips twitched. “Terribly. I fought it every step of the way, but I can’t imagine my life without Robin. And this little girl…” He laid a hand against the glass window. “I don’t know how he did it. How he could walk away from you. I don’t know what kind of man could do that.” He looked at Matt. “Do you ever wonder if there are more—if we have more siblings?”

“No. And I don’t want to know. I—I didn’t know you were here. I wouldn’t have come if I did.” Matt paused. “I thought about what you said a few weeks ago. About being family. I don’t—I don’t think I can.”

Patrick nodded, finally looking at his brother again. “Okay.”

Matt frowned. “Okay?” he echoed.

“Okay,” Patrick repeated. “That’s how I felt a few months ago. And that’s how you feel right now. I thought I was better off alone, and I didn’t change my mind about that overnight. Maybe you won’t. But I meant what I said. You know where to find me if you change your mind. It doesn’t have to be today. Next month. Or next year. I’m here.” He looked back at his daughter, his throat tightening. “Because I know what kind of man I’m going to be. I don’t walk away from my family. And that includes you. If you ever want it.”

Spencer House: Driveway

Elizabeth parked in the driveway behind a car with rental tags. She stared at it for a long moment, then looked up at the house — it had been such a touchstone once, of the life and love she’d wanted. She’d dreamed of being part of the Spencer family until it became a crutch keeping her standing. When given the chance to live in that house, to carry on Laura’s legacy and raise her babies in that dream, she had leapt at it, sure that she’d finally be happy.

But she should have remembered how much of the Spencer family love and strength was a myth, a facade that had crumbled when Laura had faltered, tipped from her pedestal. She’d never really known Luke and Laura the way Lucky had, but he’d told her so many stories, painted such a golden childhood that she’d fallen in love with the fantasy. Had stayed in love with the mirage far longer than the man.

Elizabeth climbed out of the car, headed up the walk towards the house hesitating when the door opened and Lucky stepped out. He remained up on the porch, and she at the bottom of the steps, just looking at each other for a long moment.

“I heard your car.” Lucky slid his hands in his pockets, came forward a few steps, and she walked up the steps but didn’t reach the top. “I guess your grandmother called you.”

“She did.”

For so many weeks, she’d wondered about this moment. What would she feel when she looked at Lucky again — this man around whom she had wrapped so much of her identity? So much of her self-worth, self-respect, her life—

“I never really apologized to you,” Elizabeth said, and she could see that her words had startled Lucky, nearly as much as they’d surprised her. But once she’d spoken them, the rest flowed easily as if they’d been stored inside of her from the beginning, and she’d only had to tap into it. “For lying to you about Jake. It was cruel to do that to you, to Jason, and to Jake. Maybe I could live with it if I thought you were the better man, the better father, but you’re not. And I never believed you were.”

“This is an apology?” Lucky asked, lifting his brows. “Because you suck at them.”

“I was ashamed of what I’d done to Jason, the lies I’d told him, the ways I’d hurt him, but I wasn’t sorry for what I did to you. I am now. Because you thought it meant I chose you, and you need to know I didn’t. I chose to be safe, to cling to what was familiar. But I never thought you were the better choice for Jake.”

“Christ, Elizabeth—” He flinched. “That’s a hell of a thing to say to me now—”

“I can’t let you think for one more minute that I chose you. You think that’s what I was doing when I lied about it. What I was doing when I let the lie continue last year, and it’s not. I chose safety,” Elizabeth repeated, and he looked at her again. “But you think it gave you power. That it gave you the right to push me around. To stand in that emergency room, and in front of Jason, wield that power to send Sam to my grandmother’s house to pick up the boys. You thought you had the power in this, and you didn’t. That’s my fault, and for that I’m sorry. Because you learned on a very difficult night that you were the only one who had no say in what happened to Jake. For that, Lucky, for making you believe I ever thought you were better, I am sorry.”

Lucky exhaled slowly, looked away. “Well, if you wanted to pay me back for the horrible way I handled all of that, you’re doing it—”

“No, there’s nothing I could say that would ever make me feel better about what you did. Because you didn’t do it to me. I was unconscious. You were already gone and out of the picture by the time I woke up. You did that to my grandmother who had always supported you. Even when I wanted to give up, Gram encouraged me to keep trying. You did that to her, Lucky. And you did it to Cameron.”

“He didn’t even know—”

“He was on the stairs that morning. He watched you leave.”

Lucky shook his head. “No, no he wasn’t—I didn’t—” He raised a fist in front of his mouth. “No.”

“He was there when you closed the door. And he knew you were leaving. He’s asked for you. For days after that. Where’s Daddy? When is Daddy coming back—”

“Stop it—”

“Daddy said he’d come back,” Elizabeth continued, and Lucky closed his mouth. “Why didn’t he come back? Was I bad? Tell him I’ll be good.”

“I didn’t think—”

“No, you didn’t think about Cameron. You don’t have to tell me that. You weren’t thinking about him when you slept with Maxie, when you let me send him to stay with my grandmother while you detoxed, and then kept taking the pills. You didn’t think about Cameron when you slept with Sam. You didn’t think of Cameron, Lucky, because you just don’t think about him. You were hurt and you were furious with Jason for throwing his weight around, and you decided to make me pay for it. But I wasn’t there. I’m not the one that dealt with it. Gram was. She wanted to be with me at the hospital, but she couldn’t. You made sure of that.”

“I was dealing with a lot, okay? Maybe you were unconscious and can’t appreciate what happened, but Lulu had a breakdown. Just like my mother.” Lucky dragged a hand through his head. “What if it’s genetic? What if happens to me? I was—”

“Overwhelmed, I know.” Elizabeth’s throat was tight. “Kate was shot that day, and Sonny was running around like a lunatic, assaulting people, getting arrested. I was in surgery, and somehow, Jason didn’t get too overwhelmed to handle everything. He made sure Gram was kept in the loop, Carly took the boys so that Gram could be with me, and then, even when I was in surgery, nearly dead from complications, and Sonny was shot in the head, Jason took Cameron to school and picked him up.”

“Oh, come on—” Lucky rolled his eyes. “He’s so perfect, right?”

“No, he’s not.” She paused, waited for him to look at her again, for their eyes to meet. “But he’s better than you. I just wanted to make sure you know that in every way that matters, you will never measure up to him. I know that bothers you,” she continued, and he scowled. “You’ve always thought you were runner up to him. Always thought I was settling for you.”

Elizabeth paused again. “You’re right. It was always going to be Jason for me, and it was wrong of me to lie to you. To make you think you were the better man. I’d hate for you to come all the way back here and think there was a chance that you were ever going to come near my sons again. They have a father who loves them now. Who won’t walk out on them because he’s having a bad day. So do whatever you have to here, but Cameron and Jake aren’t part of it. Go back to California, build that new life, and forget they ever existed. Because I promise you, Jason and I will make sure that they never remember you.”

Jacks Estate: Kitchen

Carly went to the fridge. “What are we in the mood for tonight, buddy?” she called over her shoulder to Morgan at the table. I’ve got—” Frozen pizza, frozen chicken nuggets, and leftovers from the night before. She wrinkled her nose. Maybe it was time to think of some full-time help. A housekeeper and cook.

“Dinosaurs,” Morgan told her, then reached for his milk. “My favorite.”

“Oh, thank God.” Carly picked up the green and white bag, then closed the door. The bag went flying and she yelped when she saw Jax standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing?”

“Sorry, sorry—” Jax crouched down to pick up the nuggets. “I see we’re having Morgan’s favorite dinner. Our little gourmet.”

“Jax, Jax!” Morgan slid out of the chair and ran across the room. Jax caught him, swinging him up in his arms, tossing the nuggets to the counter.

“Hey, kiddo. I’ve missed you.”

Deciding not to argue in front of Morgan, Carly picked up the bag and went to the oven. She studied the preheating instructions, then clicked a few buttons. “Is this a social call or—”

“No, well, yes.” Jax set Morgan on the counter, ruffled his hair. “I was driving past the house, and I just thought about you. About Morgan. And I took a chance.”

“We should—” Carly glanced at him, then at the large smile on her son’s face. “We should make some sort of…plan. I mean, if you want. For—you should see Morgan. If that’s what you want.”

“That would be—I would like that.” Jax set Morgan on his feet. “Why don’t you go pick out a movie for us to watch, buddy? Mom will make some nuggets, and we’ll eat in the media room.”

“Awesome!” Morgan pumped his fist in the air and ran out of the room.

“I don’t want it to be like this, Carly. Setting up visitation, custody arrangements—” Jax came closer to her. “What you did for Kate, keeping her in the loop, that was—it was kind of you.”

“Surprised, right? Didn’t know I had it in me?” Carly made a face, then went back to rolling out the foil for the sheet pan. “You’re always so stunned when I show common sense and empathy. Couldn’t understand why I looked after the boys for Elizabeth, why I’m making sure Kate can be part of Sonny’s care. I’m just waiting for the snide comment about me handling it in the first place?”

“Have we fallen so far from where we were?” Jax asked, and she sighed, rubbed her brow. “I assumed you were handling things because Jason’s taken on so much. I know from some, uh, experience, that acquiring a ready made family takes adjustment, and Elizabeth was recovering. It was good of you, to give him that space—”

“There it is again. That tone. You don’t expect me to be a good person, a caring friend—”

“About Elizabeth? No. I don’t. And you were angry about the wedding, angry about Kate—”

“Not because—” Carly closed her eyes, put her hands on the counter, dipped her head. “Sonny destroyed my life when he took my son into that warehouse. Michael isn’t dead, but he might as well be. And then—then I made that awful, stupid decision to—and when the truth came out, you left. And you were—you were right to leave. I’m not mad that you left.”

“But Kate didn’t.”

“No. Sonny got to go on planning a future like he wasn’t the one that took a chainsaw to mine. I got out, I got away from him, and I was happy, and with one decision—” She looked at him, pressed her hands to her chest. “It’s like he carved the heart out of me, and there was nothing left. Nothing left for you and for Morgan. Now he’s—he’s gone, but not gone. Just like Michael. This awful halfway where I don’t know whether to mourn or to hope—and everyone just keeps going on, they just keep moving, and I don’t understand how—”

Jax came forward, as if to take her in his arms but she shoved him back, her voice breaking. “No! No! You don’t get to come here and pat me on my head because I did something nice, okay? You don’t get to come here and pretend like you care about me when we both know you’ll thrown Sonny in my face the next chance you get—”

“I won’t—”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Don’t.” She kept her hand outstretched, then curled it in a fist, looked at him. “You can stay for dinner. Morgan misses you. If you want to spend time with him, I won’t stop you. Sonny’s not here to complain, and Morgan shouldn’t lose anyone else. But I can’t do this. I can’t. I have to make arrangements to move Sonny to Silver Water, and I can’t look at you while I do that.”

Jax stepped back, took a deep breath. “You’re still angry for what I did.”

“And you’re still angry at me.” She met his eyes, and he looked away. “Yes. Yes, I am still angry. Because Jason still can’t look at Sonny. Morgan can’t ever be with his father again. These are the two most important people in my life, and what you did to them hurt them irrevocably.”

“You’d have done the same. If it were Jason in that bed, and Elizabeth desperate to see him—” Jax snapped, but he stopped, winced. “That’s not—”

“Well, since I’m so awful, then I’m doing us both a favor. Why don’t you finish the damn nuggets. Have a guys night with Morgan. I need to get out.” She headed for the door, snatching up her purse on the way out.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth dropped her bag on the desk, and draped her coat over the back of the desk chair. “Hey. Sorry I’m later than I thought I’d be.”

Jason tossed the last toy into the box, then crossed the room to slide his arms around her waist, leaning in for a kiss. “There’s no curfew,” he reminded her. She kept one arm around his waist as they went to the sofa, and sat down. “How was Robin? The baby?”

“The baby is perfect. They named her Emma.” Elizabeth laid her head on his shoulder. “She got a little emotional, remembering Michael. I thought—I don’t know if it’s something you’d want to talk to her about. You guys have such a special history. I know it’s hard to talk about, but maybe it’ll be easier with her.”

“It’s not—” Jason hesitated, then exhaled slowly, looking towards the fireplace, at the flicking flames. “Maybe you’re right,” he said, surprising himself. “Robin was there from almost the beginning. We…she really loved him. I don’t think I really understood what she was going through when Carly came home. I got to keep being Michael’s father, and she…”

“Had to stop being his mother,” Elizabeth said, and Jason nodded. “I…after that, I went to see Lucky.”

“You did?” Jason shifted slightly and she moved away so that they were looking at each other. “I thought you were going to wait to see if he reached out.”

“I was. But talking to Robin about Michael…it made me think about Lucky. Lying to him about Jake. Continuing the lie.” She folded one leg beneath her. “I was wrong on every level for how I handled that. Letting everyone believe what Carly thought was the truth, not telling Lucky once I’d made the decision to tell you. I wish I hadn’t done that. I wish I hadn’t told you and kept lying.”

“You did the best you could—”

“I love that you believe that.” Elizabeth tipped her head to the side, her lips curved. “You always give me the benefit of the doubt, even when I haven’t earned it. I told you in that elevator because I couldn’t stand not to tell you anymore. You’d risked your life to save me, to save the baby, and I was so scared—” She touched her middle, no longer rounded with child. “So scared that I hadn’t felt him move, and then I did, and I just—I needed you to know. But I never should have done that and continued that horrible lie. I’d do anything to change it.”

“It’s okay.” Jason reached for her hand, stroked the back of her fingers. “We’re here now, and we’re not going back. How did it go with Lucky?”

“I didn’t really give him a chance to say anything. I didn’t go there to hear his side, to see what he thought or wanted. Because it doesn’t matter. I know everything I need to. I apologized for lying to him, for letting him think he was in control. You never should have been standing there in the emergency room, listening to him talk about what was going to happen to your son. After everything else — he did that because he thought he could, and that’s something I let happen.”

“I needed to stand up and stop it. To stop making it your decision,” Jason told her. “I’m glad I did that. I had to stop reacting, letting everything happen around me.”

“I can still be annoyed he did it, and that I created that situation. Jason, do you know his defense? How he explained dumping the boys with Gram, dropping their things, and leaving that way? He was overwhelmed,” she said. “Overwhelmed. Because Lulu had a terrible setback, he couldn’t handle that and being humiliated by you. So he lashed out, abandoned the boys he said he loved like his own, and left without a goodbye. No word for five weeks.”

Jason opened his mouth, then closed it, looked away.

“And all I could think about was that night we argued, when I kept pushing and pushing, and you finally told me that you’d shut down. That you’d heard about Sonny and you’d just stopped feeling.” Her voice thickened, and he looked back to see her eyes glimmering with tears. “Hit after hit after hit, you absorbed it all. Emily, Alan, Michael, everything I threw at you, being on trial, everything Sam threw at you, Spinelli getting hurt, Kate getting shot, my accident, my setback, and then Sonny was just it. The last thing you could handle. But you still—you still took Cameron to school. You dropped him off, you picked him up. You sat with Jake. And they never knew anything was wrong.”

“I don’t—” Jason shifted, shook his head. “They had nothing to do with any of that. I’m glad I had them, to be able to focus on nothing but Cameron and the drive to school. I know you think I was doing that to make up for all the times I couldn’t, but it was…” He hesitated. “The best part of my day,” he said finally. “Listening to Cameron in the backseat, talk about anything and everything that came in his head. It was a relief to just listen to him and live in his world for just a little while. Having them to focus on, to look after — I don’t know.”

“It’s what a parent does. We don’t have a choice. They’re helpless children who didn’t ask to be in the world, and it’s our job to keep them safe and happy. You did that for my boys.”

“They’re ours,” Jason corrected, and she smiled. “Cameron—he asked about Jake. Calling me daddy. I could have waited for you, but—”

“I trust you to know how to handle those questions,” she interrupted, and he nodded. “Did he ask about Lucky?”

“He did. I avoided saying anything about him directly or why he didn’t come back. He might bring it up to you or not. I told him about Monica. That she didn’t share my blood or Emily’s, but that she chose us to love, to take care of. And he, uh, told me he wanted to choose me.” Jason smiled, in spite of himself, and looked at Elizabeth who was beaming. “So, that’s what happened.”

“We’re going to be all right,” she said. She curled back into his arms, and he wrapped her tight in his embrace. “No, better than that. We’re going to be happy.”

Now that we’re here
Now that we’ve come this far
Just hold on
There is nothing to fear
For I am right beside you
For all my life
I am yours
– What About Now?, Daughtry

---

 Wednesday, November 5, 2008

 Hardy House: Living Room

Her ex-grandson-in-law rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess you’re still mad about the way I left.”

“Still—” Audrey had to take a deep breath and a step back, the rage rose so quickly in her throat. “Oh, the absolute nerve, the audacity—”

 “Still mad,” Lucky said with a nod. “Listen, Audrey—”

The absolute nerve of this worthless man! “That will be Mrs. Hardy to you and for the rest of your days. You lost the right to speak to me with any familiarity the second you walked out on those boys, on Cameron who spent two weeks asking for his father.”

Lucky exhaled, looked away. “I was overwhelmed. Everything that happened with my sister, Audrey, and I doubt Jason told you, but he announced—”

“That he was Jake’s father to the entire emergency room?” Audrey finished, and Lucky furrowed his brow. “You think you’ll waltz in here after all this time and I’ll simply take your side? You think that my granddaughter and I haven’t had several long conversations filling in the gaps? Or perhaps you thought Jason wouldn’t tell Elizabeth or anyone else what you were planning to do that night.”

Lucky opened his mouth, then closed it. “I—”

“Overwhelmed? Overwhelmed? I have never been so insulted in all my life. Did you honestly think that you could waltz back into this house, into those boys’ lives as if everything you did could be waved away because your sister was ill? I am sorry for what has happened to Lesley Lu. It is a tragic and terrible situation for everyone who loves her, but Elizabeth was in the hospital. She nearly died a few days later after some complications—”

“I know—”

“You know? You know that Elizabeth had to have emergency surgery? Oh, I imagine your girlfriend was in contact with her family. Did Alexis tell Sam? Does she know what the woman did to Jake? To both those boys?”

“Audrey—Mrs. Hardy,” Lucky corrected when Audrey’s nostrils flared, and she started to close the door. “If you would just let me speak—”

“You want to speak to me now? Now? When I begged you that morning to stay, to talk about what was going on and you could barely take a moment to look me in the eyes. But now you want to speak—” Audrey raised her hand in the air, then fisted it. “Well, that is too little too late. My granddaughter has recovered her health, with no thanks or help from you. You chose to abandon those precious children who adore you when they needed you the most. They needed you, Lucky, and you were not there. I needed you. I have always championed you, Lucky. I have always encouraged Elizabeth to stay with you, to give you another chance. After the drugs, after Maxie, after she forgave you all that, you had another affair—”

“She lied to me,” Lucky said tightly. “You’re leaving that out—”

“And if you had left her because of that, I would have no argument with you. You chose to stay, Lucky. And then had your affair with that woman. And continued to see her even after you knew what she’d done to Jake. To the boys in the park.”

“I see Elizabeth gave you the Cliff’s Notes—is there any point to asking you to hear me out, or are you just going to tell me how horrible I am?” Lucky retorted. “Great, Audrey, now you know all the dirty details. I made a mistake, okay? I was overwhelmed, and upset, and I ran. I’m not proud of it, but all I can do is try to fix things. And if you could just listen to me—”

“If it is the last thing I do, Lucky Spencer, it will be to prevent you from breathing the same air as my great-grandchildren. They are happy and secure with their mother. Jake adores his father. I have to thank you for leaving and giving Jason ample time to bond with his son,” Audrey said, her tone dripping with sugary sweetness. Lucky scowled. “And for making sure that I saw you for who you really are before you went. It will be a cold day in hell before I ever plead your case again. Get off my property or I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.”

General Hospital: Labor & Delivery

 Robin’s head fell back against the pillow, flushed and damp. Her hand reached up, gripped his tie, yanked him down. “You did this to me,” she spat. “You.”

Patrick winced. “I know, and I’m sorry—”

“Robin, don’t murder the poor man.” Anna deftly untangled Robin’s fingers and Patrick was able to raise his head. He rubbed his throat. “The epidural isn’t helping?”

“I think it’s broken. I think you need to get another one—” Robin arched up, another contraction wracking her body. “Oh, God. Here it comes—”

“Aren’t they close enough for you to…” Patrick waved his hand at Kelly, hovering by Robin’s legs, lifted up by the stirrups. “Do something?”

“Did you pay attention at all when you did your obstetrics rotation in med school?” the doctor demanded. She planted her fists at her hips, rolled her eyes, then looked to Robin. “Honey, you’re dilated to about an eight. I know it hurts, I know it feels like the drugs aren’t working, but it would be so much worse without them—”

“No, no—” Her head lolled to one side, and she looked up at him, her pretty brown eyes shadowed with the pain. “Patrick. Please. Something isn’t right.”

“Hey. Hey.” He gripped her hand, bent down. “Kelly’s the best, remember? You think she’s going to let anything happen to you or this baby?”

“It hurts. I changed my mind. I don’t want to have a baby. Can we go home?”

He swept her sweaty hair back, forced a smile. “I don’t think we get a refund on this one, babe. We have to see it through to the end. I wish it were me.”

“So—do—I—” Robin grunted. “Kelly—”

“Everything is progressing just the way it’s supposed to.”  Kelly flashed her an encouraging smile. “We’re almost ready to push, Robin. It won’t be long now.”

Coffee House: Office

Max knocked, then pushed open the door. “Hey, Jase. Elizabeth asked if you had a minute—”

“Always.” Jason was out of his seat and away from the desk even before Elizabeth had crossed the threshold with Jake in her arms. He cupped the back of her head, kissed her as Max pulled the door closed. “Hey,” he murmured against her mouth, feeling the curve of her lips.

“Hey.”

Jake reached for Jason, and he stepped back to take his son in his arms. Rubbing the toddler’s back, he focused on Elizabeth. “I wasn’t expecting you, was I?”

“No. No.” She set her purse on the table, dropped Jake’s bag on the floor. “Gram called, and I just—I needed to see you. I need to figure out what we’re going to do—”

“What happened?” Jason went to the other side of the office, picking up Jake’s bag as he passed it. Then he set him down on a blanket, pulling out a dump truck and a few other toys for him to play with.

“Lucky showed up at her house today.”

Jason stilled, his hand on the dump truck. He exhaled slowly. “Did he?”

“Gram was so upset on the phone she could barely speak. She’s still so angry about how everything happened, how he left that morning. And for taking his side all the time.”

Jason got to his feet, some of the tightness in his chest easing at the realization Audrey hadn’t fallen back on old habits. “She did what she thought was best. I don’t want her upset by any of this. Especially not by him.”

“That’s what I told her. She’s just so—” Elizabeth hesitated. “Lucky said he was overwhelmed that morning, and he wants to deal with things now.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “Can you believe that? After all these weeks with no word, and he thinks he can just come back?”

“Does that surprise you?” Jason asked. He leaned back against the desk. “Do you—I mean, with Cameron, I know he still asks for Lucky—”

“Not as much as he did.” Elizabeth folded one arm across her middle, nibbled at the thumbnail on her other hand. “He thinks he can pick and choose when to be a father, and I was willing to put up with that. It makes me sick that I ever thought he was good enough for Jake, much less Cameron. I want you to know that’s not an option,” she told Jason, and the rest of the tightness faded. He could breathe again. “Jake knows you, he loves you. That’s off the table and it’s never coming back. It’s just Cameron—”

“It’s different. He’s older,” Jason said. He reached for her hand, drew it away from her mouth. “I told you we’d handle that however you wanted. Cameron knows I love him, and that’s enough for me.”

“It’s not enough for me. Jake—that’s a mistake I made. A terrible awful lie that I didn’t know how to unwind, and I made so many bad choices, and I hurt all of us. But it’s over now, and Lucky doesn’t get to come back after a month of silence and have a say in anything that happens to Jake. That was a risk he took, you know? But Cameron—that was supposed to be different. He promised me, he swore to me that he loved my little boy. That he didn’t care that he wasn’t Cam’s father by blood. And Cameron has loved him every day he can remember.”  She tipped her head back, trying to fight the tears. “I thought I’d put this away, I thought I was done with this.”

“You trusted him with your son, Elizabeth, and he walked away.”

“I keep thinking of Cameron standing on my grandmother’s steps, watching Lucky leave, and you know, he’s too young to really understand words, but he knew Lucky was leaving. And he knows he never came back. I don’t want him to think that’s what fathers do. That he has to earn his father’s love—I spent my whole life, Jason, not being good enough for my parents—”

He drew her close to him, kissed her gently, just a brush of his lips against her trembling mouth. He kept her close, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. He didn’t reassure her that she was good enough — she knew it. But Lucky had brought it all back, and Jason would have dropped him in the lake for just putting that look in her eyes again.

“We don’t have to have all the answers today. Cameron knows that you love him, and that you’ll always be there for him.”

She curled her hands around his wrists. “I don’t want Lucky in his life. I don’t want Cam to have another moment like that. And he won’t. Not with you. I want my little boy to have you. I want him to feel loved with every breath he takes. So if Lucky tries for custody, I want you to do whatever you have to, and make it go away.”

“I know a few people,” Jason said. He kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry. If he’s stupid enough to try for visitation, he’ll regret it. You’re not unconscious in a hospital bed this time.”

“No, this time, he won’t get away without hearing exactly what I think.” She smiled, and though her lashes were still damp, the sadness had left her eyes. “Maybe if you had time, we could get Cam together today. Do something. Just the four of us.” She bit her lip. “But if you’re busy—”

“Nothing that can’t wait.”

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

He was coming out of his skin, pacing the apartment, thinking about the awful visit from his sister.

Who the hell could Claudia have pissed off so much that she was absolutely terrified? He’d seen his sister worried, unsettled, or unhappy, but scared?

He didn’t know the word was even in her vocabulary.

Johnny crossed from the living room door to the window overlooking the street, his mind racing.

Don’t ask, don’t tell. It was the only way Johnny had been able to breathe these last few months, but he didn’t think Nadine would care that he didn’t technically know how Michael Corinthos had ended up with a bullet in his head, or that he hadn’t known then.

Her heart was too generous, her soul too clean for her to look past the stain on his own. He dragged a hand down his face. And what if Claudia was wrong? Whoever had threatened her had done so today after their lunch.

Which meant they were in Port Charles.

“Where’s your wife right now? Are you sure she’s okay? Because you’d better get used to feeling that way. You won’t know a second of peace if you’re not with her.”

Johnny headed for the door, yanking his coat off the hook on his way out.

He had the sudden urge to see his wife.

General Hospital: Labor & Delivery

The pain had been so constant, so steady, that Robin almost grew used to it, riding the waves of sheer agony mixed with dull throbbing as the contractions ebbed and flowed over the last few hours.

But then it had happened so fast—bearing down, Kelly telling her to keep pushing, to keep going, to just push a little harder—

There was the shoulder! It was all downhill from here—just push—

A harsh, high-pitched cry broke out and Robin could see a baby being lifted up—her baby—her little, red-bodied furious child protesting the loss of a warm, comfortable world—

Kelly laid the baby on Robin’s chest, and Robin was crying—couldn’t feel it, didn’t know it, but the tears dripped down, and she looked at Patrick, his cheeks wet, his hand coming down to cup the back of their child’s head with her shock of dark hair—

“It’s a girl!” Kelly crowed. “Here, Patrick, come cut—”

A girl. Robin was dimly aware that Patrick had stepped away, taking the surgical shears from their friend and was cutting the cord that linked Robin to their daughter, keeping her fed and nourished all this time, keeping her safe and healthy—

“Oh, my darling, my love—” Anna leaned down, kissed Robin’s forehead. “She’s here.” Her mother’s voice was hoarse, the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

“She’s here,” Robin breathed. She smiled, even as the tears continued to flow. A dream she’d never really hoped for, the future she’d never expected — and now it was here, and Robin was holding her— “Patrick, she’s here.”

“Yeah, she is. And she’s perfect.” Patrick kissed their daughter, then Robin, pressing their foreheads together. “You both are.”

But the little family time had to be disturbed. Nadine and another labor nurse whisked the baby away to clean up and be given the first anti-retroviral therapy medication to prevent any perinatal transmission of HIV, a regimen that would last at least a month. They wouldn’t be able to test her until later, until her system was clear of any connection to Robin.

Nadine took in this explanation from the experienced nurse, who must have seen the expression on the younger nurse’s face. “Oh, Dr. Scorpio’s anti-viral load isn’t detectable. The chances of transmission were less than one percent. But we still follow the protocol.” She patted Nadine’s hand, then returned the bundle to her parents. Robin had been cleaned up, her face beaming as her daughter was placed in her arms again.

There was nothing else for Nadine to do, and she wanted them to have their time, to have the quiet so she backed out of the room and left the labor and delivery ward, pressing the button to exit the secure wing.

She turned to go down the hall, to head for the break room but saw Johnny pacing back and forth in front of the elevator.

“Johnny? What are you doing here?”

Johnny stopped, his eyes snapping to hers. “Hey. Hey. They said you were in a delivery. I wanted to wait for you.”

Nadine tugged the surgical cap from her hair, her smile still confused. “Yeah, but I’m not done my shift yet. Not for hours.”

“I know. I, just—” He grimaced, shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark, suede jacket. “Do you—I mean, do you have a minute? Can we talk?”

“Sure.” She tossed a look at the nurse behind the counter, then took his arm. “Let’s go up to the roof. I don’t really feel like being on display.”

“Yeah, good. I don’t want anyone to hear us.”

Oh, that didn’t sound good at all.

 Shadybrooke: Laura’s Room

 “We just have to finish packing this last dresser,” Nikolas told Lucky, frowning when his brother remained at the window unresponsive, not unlike their mother. “Lucky?”

“Hm?” Lucky looked at him, nodded. “Yeah. Right. Good.”

Nikolas closed the suitcase, glanced over at his mother, sitting in her chair, her eyes fixed on a point somewhere in the distance. Still empty. Just like their sister. “I’m guessing Audrey Hardy wasn’t happy to see you.”

“No.” Lucky dragged a hand down his face. “No, she was not. She wouldn’t let me explain. Wouldn’t even let me say more than a few words. Jason’s got to her.”

“Jason?” Nikolas repeated. “What does that mean?’

“They were all at his place while Elizabeth recovered. I knew—I knew Alexis told us that, but I don’t think I thought about what that meant.” Lucky went over to the bed, sat on the edge. “She’s on Jason’s side. Completely. And Elizabeth told her all the parts she’d left out before. About Sam and Maxie.”

“Ah. Well, you had to know that was a possibility. Or did you think that the world stood still while we were gone?” Nikolas asked.

“You just—you take things for granted, you know? I’m the good guy. The right choice. The safe one. Audrey always—she always took my part. And she’s always just…been there. When I left, she was upset, I just thought I’d explain how things sort of got out of control with Lulu and what happened in the emergency room, and she’d—”

“I warned you.” Nikolas closed the dresser door he’d been clearing a bit too hard, and the sound echoed in the room. Lucky flinched. “I told you we’d stay and we’d fight. I’d find you a lawyer, and you wanted to go.”

“Who’s side are you on?”

“No one’s. My own. I don’t know. There are no sides, Lucky. There’s what happened and how we deal with it. Our sister is locked in the same place as our mother, with almost no hope of recovery,” Nikolas retorted, and Lucky sighed, rubbed his forehead. “And yeah, it all went to hell in twenty-four hours. But you were never supposed to leave that day. That wasn’t the plan. You chose to leave with Elizabeth in a hospital bed. You chose to dump Jake and Cameron’s things at Audrey’s feet with no discussion, no goodbyes, and you chose to hop on a plane weeks before you were supposed to. No one asked you to quit your job that night. No one asked you to burn the bridges as you left. That was you. And now you’re standing in a room whining about your choices while I look at a woman who will never wake up. What do you expect me to say, Lucky? Congratulations. You gambled and you lost.”

“I—” Lucky stared at him, shaken. “You said to come back, that I should talk to Elizabeth, figure it out—”

“And you should do that. You should talk to Elizabeth. If she even wants to see you—” Nikolas took a deep breath. “We both left her, Lucky. She was bruised and unconscious in a hospital bed. In the ICU. And we walked out. Did we have to go that soon? Could it have waited? I don’t know. But we did what we did, and now we’re coming back like there aren’t consequences—”

“We?” Lucky echoed. He got to his feet. “What happened when you went out today? Did you go to Nadine? It’s what we thought, isn’t it? Some witness bullshit like Sonny and Carly always pulled.”

“I—” Nikolas looked away, caught sight of himself in the mirror. “I saw Maxie first. She told me that you wouldn’t find any friends on the custody front, but then she told me Johnny and Nadine are living together. That they seem….friendly.”

“Friendly?”

“She thinks something is going on. Something else. Nadine got arrested for contempt at his trial, didn’t she?”

“Oh, come on—” Lucky shook his head. “No way. No way. Nadine would defend a serial killer if she thought she was doing the right thing. You know that. Look at the trouble she was getting herself into. And Johnny—he was all about Lulu. You know that. We hated it, but we knew that.” He stopped. “And you left her, Nikolas. You’re the one that burned that bridge, not her.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s something she said—well, shouted,” Nikolas muttered. He rubbed his chest. “Christ. We made a mess of everything, didn’t we?” He sat on the bed, and Lucky sat next to him.

“Yeah, I guess.” Lucky looked at their mother. “Well, at least Dad’s not around to make things even worse.”

General Hospital: Roof

 Now that he’d dragged Nadine up to the roof where the lights of downtown Port Charles lit up around them, the wind roaring around the sides of the building—Johnny felt like an idiot. He’d rushed over to the hospital just to see her, to make sure she was okay — and now what? Was he planning to tell her about the ambiguous threats made by Claudia? How did he begin to tell Nadine what had happened without revealing the horrible thing his sister might have but almost definitely done?

“Johnny?”

“What?” He looked at her. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking about how cold it’d be up here right now.”

“It’s fine. I’m used to it, but you’re sort of freaking me out. Did you have a run-in with Nikolas, too?”

“Nikolas?” Johnny echoed. He turned, his back to the city skyline, brow creased. “Wait, he’s back?”

“Yeah, and he knew about us. I mean, that we got married. Wasn’t really that happy about it. Apparently I’m a terrible person for what I’ve done to his sister.” She shook her head, looked away. “They never judge the man, do they? It’s always the woman.”

“No, they don’t,” Johnny said, thinking of all the abuse she’d taken since their marriage, and all the problems he could still bring to her. He rubbed his brow. “Did he say why he was back?”

“His mother, I think. It’s not—I mean, he said there was no change—for Lulu. That she’s the same as when they left.”

The air whooshed out of him all at once because he hadn’t considered, even let himself imagine that after all this time, there’d be no change at all. That Lulu, bright beautiful vibrant Lulu, would still be locked inside her own mind. He’d tried not to let himself think about Lulu at all, but now, to know— “Nothing at all? Not even a little?”

“No.” She was quiet for a beat. “I’m sorry. I know that’s the last thing you wanted to hear.”

Johnny sank onto the ledge of the hospital roof, staring at nothing. “Nothing at all,” he murmured. He’d tried hard not to think about Lulu these last few weeks. It didn’t seem fair to anyone involved, most of all Nadine who hadn’t done anything except be his friend. But now he realized somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d expected the news to be better. He’d almost wanted to fight with Lulu when she came home.

Because of course she’d come home. How could there be any other alternative?

“I didn’t get more details than that. I could ask Spinelli if he’s heard more—”

“No, it’s—it’s okay. Um—” He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand, forced himself back into the moment. “It’s better this way. That I don’t know. I don’t have a right to know anymore.”

“Johnny.” Nadine sat next to him, her eyes kind. “Hey. I know we had that stupid fight, but that doesn’t mean I’m going back on what I said at the beginning. I know you love Lulu. I know this hurts.”

“I—” He grimaced, shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to know that. You probably think I’m a real asshole. The way things have been the last few weeks, me acting like she didn’t exist—”

“Do you think that I believed that? Johnny. Come on. We’re friends, aren’t we? I’d like to think we’ve managed that much. After everything we’ve been though, I hope you know you can be honest with me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Johnny said. He looked at her. “I never want to hurt you. You know that, don’t you?”

“I do,” she said, and he relaxed a little. “I know we don’t have all the answers. We’re taking this one step at a time, right? We had that fight, and well—” She wrinkled her nose. “We didn’t really resolve anything, I guess.”

No. He’d changed the subject, and they’d ended up in bed. “I guess not.”

“And I’m not trying to pick up the conversation where we left off, not really. I just want you to know you don’t have to hide how you feel about Lulu from me. You’ll probably always love Lulu just a little bit. Even if she never comes back from this—which I refuse to accept by the way—The way it ended—so abruptly—how could you feel any other way? What did you say in Vegas? You were right.  We’re not hurting anyone. Not really. No one whose opinions matter to us, right? We’re young, we like each other. And maybe we were a little bit lonely.”

“You don’t think you deserve better than that?”

“I think,” Nadine said carefully, “that I make my own choices, and if I had wanted things to be different, they would be. You didn’t seduce me, Johnny. You tempted me. There was a difference. And we both know you did that because you wanted to distract yourself from everything else.” Her smile was a bit crooked. “Right now, it’s working for us. When that stops, we’ll deal with it.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He blew out his breath.

“If you didn’t know about Nikolas, what brought you here?”

“Oh.” He frowned. “I, uh, I guess I just wanted to see you.” When she just looked at him, he shrugged but looked away. “I’m still getting used to these long shifts. I need to figure out something to do when you’re not at home.”

Home. It didn’t feel strange to hear him describe her—their—tiny apartment that way. She smiled. “We’ll talk about when I go off rotation this weekend.” Nadine slid off the ledge, then kissed his cheek. “I better get back to work. I’ll see you at home.”