I’m not angry it’s never been enough
It gets inside and it tears you up
I’m not angry but I’ve never been above it
You see through me don’t you
And it’s good that I’m not angry
I just need to get over
I’m not angry
It’s dragging me under
I’m not angry
– Angry, Matchbox Twenty

---

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Morgan House: Kitchen

Elizabeth reached into the cabinet for a mug, pausing when she heard Jason’s voice in the living room, growing louder, which meant he was coming closer — and sure enough, a moment later, he came into the kitchen, a cell phone at his ear. Jason grimaced in her direction, mouthing Spinelli.

She made a face, then turned back to the coffee machine. They’d had an entire day — well half of the day and the night — of ignoring the rest of the world. But if Spinelli was calling on a Sunday, which she knew he usually tried to keep free to focus on his daughter —

She measured the coffee grounds, then switched on the machine.

“Yeah, no—that’s fine. No, not the garage. The bathroom guys are still there—” Jason paused. “Spinelli, is anyone going to die if we don’t do this in an hour? That’s what I thought. Come by here at noon—yeah, if you could call them — okay.” He closed his phone. “We could have just got coffee when we were out—”

“This is for you,” she said. “You like to have it before you go out in the morning.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “Um, what did Spinelli want?”

“He found something and wants to talk about it. But it can wait. I promised you—”

“Jason—”

“And I promised myself.” He folded his arms, leaned against the counter. “I want to know what happened to me, to all of us,” Jason said slowly. “To make sure no one else is in danger. We don’t know that Valentine is tied to any of this, so spending every waking minute thinking about that family has done — it’s not good for us. You, me—Laura. Spencer. Spinelli’s working too hard on this, too. I don’t like the idea of him spending today thinking about this and not Georgie.”

“It’s also important to get through the records as quickly as possible,” Elizabeth reminded him. “But yeah, I didn’t really enjoy spending every day and night on it.  My breaks at the hospital, having you cut out early every night instead of…” She shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess I just—” She shot him a quick look. “I was looking forward to just sitting with you at the end of the day. We never got to do that before.”

The coffee machine beeped, and Elizabeth poured a cup and handed it to him. “When we were together before, it was just…it was the hotel. Or the safe house. And…”

“It was never long enough,” Jason said. She nodded. “And it was almost always in bed.”

“Well, I didn’t mind that part,” Elizabeth said, and he grinned. “But yeah, there were times it felt like—” She nibbled at her bottom lip. “Like that’s all there was. Because we never had enough time for anything else.” She waited a moment. “This time, especially the last few weeks, it’s just been—I don’t know—normal. Like, we sort of dated this time, you know? We went to Joe’s, and then out on the bike…”

“And then I was at the house every night with you and the boys.” Jason set the coffee aside, tugged her into his arms. “Yeah, I liked it, too. Finishing the day with you — picking you up at the hospital…”

“It took us so long to be here. Together. With the whole world knowing. I just—I want to have more moments. Where it’s normal.” She wound her arms around his neck. “Because it won’t always be. This Cassadine thing could go nowhere, or it could get bad. And I know you’re not working for Sonny right now—but that could change. I know you would step in and help if he needed it.”

His hands slid down her waist until he tucked them into the back pocket of her jeans. “I want what I promised you—the day that’s just for us,” he told her. “But I want the nights back. Dinners with you and the boys. And after they go to bed—”

“Exactly.” She sighed, but it was with happiness. He captured her lips with his and she sank into the embrace. Finally on the same page. “What does Spinelli want to meet about anyway?”

“He didn’t want to get into it on the phone, but he said it wasn’t a matter of life or death. He took a break from working on Maddox’s decryption to look into something else.”

“We need to get that man a hobby. He took a break from working to work on something else.” She shook her head. “I miss when he played video games.”

“I’ll talk to him about that balance thing. It’s good advice for everyone. Whatever he found, it can wait. I promised you a ride and breakfast—” He kissed the tip of her nose. “And don’t look at me that way. A ride on the bike.”

Elizabeth widened her eyes, pretending innocence. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. You’re the one with his hands on my ass—”

Jason pinched lightly, and she jerked, smacking his chest lightly. “Go get your jacket.” He kissed her again. “I have promises to keep.”

Devane Manor: Foyer

Anna stepped back to allow the Spinelli’s entrance. “Your message said you have some results for us. Do I dare hope it’s good news?”

“I wish.” Spinelli removed his computer bag, followed Anna into the living room where Robert sat with a cup of coffee. “Uh, there aren’t any little ears around, are there? Laura wants to keep Spencer out of it—”

“And Emma would take anything she knew straight to him,” Anna finished. “She’s upstairs. What is it?”

“Well, I’m meeting with Jason, Drew, Laura, and Elizabeth later. And Sonny,” Spinelli added as an afterthought. “But you said you couldn’t make it—”

“I wanted to stick close to the house. I’m waiting on a related case—and Robert—”

“I have a flight to California to check in with Robin and Patrick.” Robert leaned back. “And you said it wasn’t urgent—”

“Mostly because I don’t know what I’ve got.” Spinelli sat down, set his laptop on the table. “I, uh, put a tracker in the last batch of files I sent Luke and Lucky. To see where their phones pinged.”

“Oh, I’m not going to like where this is going, am I?” Anna asked, sitting next to Robert. “What did you find?”

“A few things. Um, first, Lucky’s keeping their home base IP cloaked. I can’t get a location on where they’re set up. Which would be fine, except that same security doesn’t kick in when they leave. I ran a program last night to see where their phones pinged—” Spinelli turned it around. “They landed in Turkey on Tuesday, and Lucky’s devices stay in the shadows most of the time. He’s ventured out to some cafes, but nothing else. Luke’s been searching addresses he claims he got from the WSB. I’m working on matching them to anything in my files, but so far nothing.”

“The addresses we now know he didn’t get from the WSB, at least not that my contact in Istanbul can confirm,” Anna said.

“Right,” Spinelli said. “After we spoke to him on Friday, he went straight for the Maslak address.”

“The one you connected to Klein,” Anna said. “That makes sense—”

“He spent the entire night there. And then went back again last night—and it’s currently late afternoon in Turkey. He’s there again. Three times in three days. And hasn’t gone near any of the other addresses.”

Anna hesitated, exchanged a troubled look with Robert. “He found something.”

“I think maybe, yes, he has. And he hasn’t told us anything. Which might make sense if he wanted to be sure before he reported back, so I’m not ready to say that one way or the other. But I realized a third phone had accessed those files — and then a second laptop. One that doesn’t match anything I’d connected to Luke. I put another trace in there, one to let me into the laptop itself so I could get remote access.”  Spinelli tapped a few keys. “Lucky and Luke are hiding something. Or more important—they’re hiding someone.”

Davis House: Kitchen

Alexis lifted her brows with curiosity when Sam sauntered through the back door and went towards the coffee pot. “Well, I wasn’t expecting you. Where are the kids?”

“With a baby sitter.” Sam joined her mother at the table and reached for the sugar pot in front of her mother. “I told Krissy I’d stop by today. Didn’t she tell you?”

“No. I didn’t realize you’d seen your sister since we spoke the other day.”

“She’s actually—she actually helped me think through a few things yesterday. You know, she just let me—” Sam shrugged. “She let me work things out in my head, and it really helped to clarify the way I was feeling. At least for some things.”

“All right.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Sam said. “It’s time to make some decisions, to stop sitting back and waiting for someone else to make a move. We talked for a little while earlier this week, but I’m ready to move forward.”

“Well, we’re still waiting on Jason’s answer to the divorce petition. I expect Diane will have him fight pretty much everything in the financial proposal, so I’m hoping you intend to back down, at least on the coffee company—”

“I know that’s what we talked about, but—” Sam paused. “I want to go forward the way it’s in the papers. Jason will be forced to come to the table if that stays in play.” To look at her. To deal with her.

Alexis sighed. “Sam—”

“No, let me — I haven’t been honest with you or myself really about why it has to be this way.” Sam clutched the coffee mug tightly. “And you’ve handled divorces before, so maybe you suspected it.” She met her mother’s gaze. “I wanted to make Jason miserable. I wanted it to be hard for him to throw me away. To forget about Danny. If he wants to end our marriage, then he’s going to have to pay for it. To look me in the eye.”

Alexis sighed, rubbed her forehead, and Sam bristled. “You know Jason has to fight hard to keep you out of his finances. Because of where the money came from.”

“Yes.”

“Which means every step we take, Diane will be fighting. She’ll appeal any decisions made in our favor. That can add weeks or even months, depending on the court. You could draw the process out for years, Sam. At great cost to you both.” Alexis shook her head. “No attorney would advise it—”

“He’ll get tired first, Mom. You know that. He’ll want to make this go away, so he’ll eventually pay.” When Alexis just pressed her lips together, Sam scowled. “You know I’m right.”

“I do know that,” Alexis said. “Is this because Jason’s spending so much time with Elizabeth? With Jake?”

“Maybe. She’s behind this, I know she is, Mom. Ever since she came back into the picture,” Sam said after a moment, “she’s always been there. Lurking. Ready to pounce. You know that.”

“I’m not sure I’d characterize it that way—”

“I’ve done nothing but think about this, Mom. When Manny Ruiz shot me, and I was in the hospital — there was that surgery. Elizabeth put her career on the line for Jason—”

“For you—”

“For Jason. I was incidental. And then she was always there. She packed my things when he brought them to the house. He told me that. And then that night, the blackout—she showed up at his place—do you know how many stairs she had to climb—”

“That was more than ten years ago, Sam.”

“And after that. After that, she hated me. She undermined me. She made me look crazy and she always looked so solid and stable—” Sam squeezed her eyes shut. “Mom. I’m just—he only came back to me because he told himself he didn’t deserve her. He left her to keep her safe. I thought he’d chosen me. But he settled for me. He tolerated me—”

“I know it might feel this way now—”

“It is that way. Okay? Because I’ve had time to think about this. I tried to shove her out of his life, and I thought I did it. But then she was there again. When Danny was gone, they were flirting and kissing, and then he came home to me. But he told me last month it wouldn’t have worked. He thinks we would have broken up, and he’s right. Because he can’t ever be happy with what he has. He had Elizabeth, and she wasn’t up to his life. So he put her on a shelf and came back to me. Because I couldn’t have kids, and hell, what did he care if I died?”

“Sam. I don’t think it’s that simple—”

“Every time we broke up, he went back to her. And then when he had her, he found a reason to leave. I’m making sure that I will never be an option again.” Sam shook her head. “Sonny told me that Jason came to the penthouse first and saw me with Drew. I wasn’t available, so he didn’t even stop to tell me he was alive. He didn’t even try to see Danny—” Her throat felt tight. “How long do you think he’ll be happy this time before something stops it? Before Sonny gets another rival and Jason gets cold feet? No. I’ve been on this stupid ride for a decade. I want to get off. Elizabeth can keep playing. Maybe Carly will finally get a turn or something. But I’m done.”

The silence lingered in the kitchen, and Sam waited. Would her mother understand? Would she pursue the case the way Sam wanted it? She had to make her mother see that this was self-preservation. When Alexis still said nothing, Sam felt the first lick of panic. Why wouldn’t Alexis see the truth?

“Mom. It’s for me, too, okay? It’s self-defense. Jason was the first man I ever thought loved me for me, and I was happy when we were together. That first time,” she added. “Before Manny Ruiz. But he never loved me that way again, and I spent years trying to get that back. I thought I had it. I thought when Drew was Jason — and he came home from the rehab center—I thought we’d finally found that happiness I’d spent ten years trying to find again. But it wasn’t Jason. And I’m scared—” Her voice trembled. “I’m scared that I’ll keep destroying good things to get back to it. I already did that with Patrick. A-and Drew. Drew. I was trying so hard to keep Jason out of my life that I didn’t see I was pushing Drew away—I have to stop myself from doing what I always do when Jason comes back. Burning the bridge like does that.”

“Sam—” But the way her name sounded, Sam just knew Alexis wasn’t with her. That she still didn’t get it.

“He isn’t going to choose me this time, Mom.” Sam swiped at her tears. “And I can actually feel myself—when Sonny told me Jason came to the penthouse—when he said Jason tried to come home first only it wasn’t here anymore, I almost broke. You know? I thought he loved me. He came to me first. And then I started to remember everything about how Jason is. And why he waited so long — and he wanted me to come to him. And I didn’t do it. And I thought—I’m hurting him. I should stop this—and that’s the first step, okay? That’s how it always starts. I don’t want to find myself in a few weeks trying to get Jason back. In a few months. I have to make it stop.”

“You think that keeping him in court for years is going to snap that thread tying you together,” Alexis said. “Why this when nothing else did before? You told me about Maureen Harper. What you did in the park. Jason still chose you—”

“Settled for me.”

“Okay. We’ll use your words. Sam, if he wanted to keep Elizabeth safe and out of his life — that’s one thing. But he could have gone out and found anyone else if he was just lonely. He came back to you. Why won’t you let that mean anything?”

“Because you can feel it, Mom. When the love is real and it’s right. And it’s perfect. I know what it is to be in love with Jason. To know he’s in love with you. I know what he looks like. And he never, ever looked at me that way again. He chose me because I could handle his life and couldn’t have kids. Maybe he thinks he loved me, but—” Sam pressed a fist to her chest. “But he didn’t. And I did everything I could to get it back — and I’ll do it again. I threw away Patrick, didn’t I? Just at the hint of getting Jason back. You told me that once — you were furious at what I’d turned into in my desperation to keep Jason.”

“And I’m telling you to look in the mirror, honey, because you might think what you’re doing is going to hurt Jason,” Alexis said, “that you’re making it hard for him to walk away — but he’s going to leave all that in Diane’s hands. You’re still the one who isn’t walking away. All this is going to do is keep you tied up. Because you’re the one taking meetings about your divorce on a Sunday morning. What do you think he’s doing?”

Sam shoved away from the table, tears burning in her eyes. “No! No! You don’t get it!”

“And maybe you’re trying to make sure Jason can’t legally move on from you, either,” Alexis said gently. “So maybe he can’t marry Elizabeth.”

“Don’t—”

“But it won’t work. Because Diane will just file a very simple resolution to end the marriage and set aside finances and custody. It happens all the time, Sam. And there’s nothing to fight that. And quite honestly, if Diane wanted to really push — there’s a chance your entire petition gets tossed out —”

“What—why?”

“Because you already signed the divorce papers before he disappeared. And he was not declared legally dead before the date the divorce was set to finalize. It was a legal loophole that no one pushed. Because we thought he was dead, and you were his widow. You had his only living son.” Alexis rose. “Sonny could have fought you every step of the way. So could anyone else who was a beneficiary of his estate.”

Sam folded her arms. “But they didn’t.”

“No. Because Jason was dead, and he’d chosen you and Danny at the end. So now we’re going through this because it wasn’t formally recognized before. There’s a legal process to get you off the accounts. To get you out of his life now, Jason has to go through the courts. So I’m warning you, Sam, if you push too hard and too harshly, Diane is going to push back—and Jason will eventually let her. He has before.”

“You’re supposed to be my lawyer—”

“And as your lawyer, it’s my responsibility to give you the facts. I filed those papers, Sam, because I am your lawyer. But if you’re telling me that the purpose of all of this is to keep Jason entangled in the court system for next five years—” Alexis shook her head. “I won’t do it. Ethically, I can’t.”

“It’s what I want—”

“You’re doing exactly what you think you’re avoiding. You’re making Jason a priority in your life. He’s not doing that for you—”

“Stop it! Don’t say that!”

“You need to hear it, Sam,” Alexis shot back. “He came back from Russia, saw that you had moved on, and then you chose the other guy! You made that choice! I told you to be sure that you weren’t doing something you couldn’t take back! You didn’t do a damn thing to make Jason think there was a future with you, so he didn’t wait for one. He asked you for a divorce so he could move on. Now you want to make sure he doesn’t get to walk away from you. But you don’t get to walk away from him, either. And we’re all still exactly where we’ve been for ten years. Watching you chase a man you say doesn’t even love you—”

“You already filed my papers—”

“You want to go after his money because it’s one more way to keep him tied up in court.  I’m not going to help you with that. I have tried to be patient with you, Sam, I have tried to support you, but you’re not listening! You’re not hearing me—” Alexis slapped a hand on the table.

“Shut up! Shut up—” Sam slapped her hands over her ears. “You don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“The hell I don’t! It’s all clear to me now. You can’t stand that Jason walked away from you. Or that Drew did. They both left you, Sam. It won’t be long before you decide to punish Drew, too. You think that I don’t see it? Jason chose Elizabeth, I heard you say that. And why did Drew move out? Who is he choosing? Someone who isn’t you. He’s choosing Jason. It’s twisted up in your head and you think I can’t see it.”

Sam’s chest heaved. “You have to do what I tell you!”

“The hell I do. I won’t sit here and watch you drag my grandchildren through this — And after what my family did to Jason and Drew, I’m not going to pile on more. So you either drop all of this and get yourself together, Sam, or find another lawyer.”

“You don’t get to fire me. That’s not how this works. I’m firing you. I’ll get a lawyer who knows what they’re doing. And you can go to hell.”

Morgan House: Street

Franco shifted the car into park, then dug out a skull cap and a pair of sunglasses.  He’d driven by the house the night before, just on a whim he’d told himself. And he’d seen Elizabeth’s car in the driveway.

At ten at night.

It was still here. At seven-thirty in the morning. In exactly the same space, parked directly behind a dark SUV, leaving a strip of the driveway clear.

He flexed his hands on the steering wheel, not entirely sure what to do with this information. He’d known they were together. New Year’s — well, he’d watched them go in that night and not come back out.

But he’d almost managed to convince himself that it was just one night. Jason came home every night — the SUV was always in the drive when Franco drove past — not that he did it every night. Just sometimes.

But he couldn’t keep doing it. After this week, Franco told himself to stop making excuses. Today was supposed to be the last time —

But Elizabeth overnight a second time—well, there was no explaining that away. This was fine, he reminded himself. Expected. He couldn’t very well pick up the pieces if Jason didn’t actually convince Elizabeth to trust him again. How was Franco supposed to be there if they never actually started to see each other? If Jason didn’t get a chance to hurt her?

It had sounded fine in theory, he thought darkly.

The garage door rolled back, and he watched the motorcycle roar down the driveway, Jason in front and Elizabeth holding on behind him.

He clenched his jaw as the bike disappeared down the street. It was one thing to think they’d get back together—

It wasn’t much fun actually watching it happen. Franco could only hope that Jason got bored quickly — or Franco was going to have to get involved.

Davis House: Kitchen

Kristina waited for the back door to slam before she lightly pushed into the kitchen and found her mother standing with a pained expression. “Uh, so my experiment backfired, I think.”

Alexis exhaled slowly, turned back to Kristina. “Your experiment?”

“I tried to talk to her. A no judgment zone, you know? And I thought it would help. But I—well, I overheard most of your argument. This feels like my fault.”

“It’s not. I didn’t quite manage to withhold my opinion.” Alexis cleared her throat, shook her head. “I don’t know what to do. How to help her—or stop her.”

“Can she really—I mean, can she really keep Jason in court for years?” Kristina asked, her mouth tasting sour. “Can a divorce case last long?”

“If someone is determined, you can keep the custody disputes going until the child turns eighteen. Keep going after every penny. It just depends on your attorney.” Alexis rubbed her mouth. “She’ll find someone, of course. I just—” She closed her eyes. “She can’t see it. Can’t see that she’s making the very mistake that she says she’s trying to avoid—”

Kristina sat at the table. “She didn’t talk about Drew yesterday. Do you think that’s what started all of this? Not just what my dad said, but Drew leaving her. I mean, if she was upset because Jason asked for the divorce, Drew leaving only made it worse. I don’t understand why she’s spent so much time chasing someone she thinks doesn’t love her. Or why she keeps doing it. Why wouldn’t you just…move on?”

Alexis sat at the table, clasped her hands in front of her. “It’s the feeling,” she said softly. “You fall in love and it’s magical. It fills something inside of you, and you feel whole. You feel like the center of something. Everything is just better when you have this person in your life. It’s addicting, Kristina. And the lucky ones, they know how to keep it. How to hold on when life gets hard. But when you lose it, you can’t quite accept that it’s gone forever. You start to make compromises to get it back — to feel that way again. The desperation builds.”

“You’re talking about Julian,” Kristina murmured.

“I loved him. And I don’t know if I ever really see myself—I don’t know that I’ll ever stop.” Alexis looked at her daughter. “Jason was the first person who loved Sam. And there’s a sweetness in your first real love affair. Even if you fall in love again, it never quite matches that first time. As long as Jason was an option, Sam wasn’t able to let go.”

“Patrick—they thought Jason was dead. That’s why she was really able to move on. And Silas,” Kristina said. “Because if Jason was dead, she couldn’t go to him. As soon as he wasn’t—”

“Sam’s addicted to a feeling that won’t ever come back. Jason will never love her that way again. And I don’t know if I can stand to watch her destroy her life just to keep trying.”

“How do we stop her? I mean, wouldn’t it be best if Diane did what you said — got Sam’s divorce case dismissed? Or if Jason just paid her to go away. He could. He doesn’t care about the money. What happens if Jason calls her bluff? Or he gets the judge to just do the marriage—what did you say? They could separate it—”

“Bifurcation. To dissolve the marriage and be declared legally single. It’s common when there’s complicated legal situations regarding custody and property. But—” Alexis sighed. “I don’t know what happens if Sam has to face that.” She patted Kristina’s arm. “I don’t want you to worry about any of this, baby. You and Molly worry about school.”

“But—”

“Sometimes you have to let your kids crash and burn.” Alexis grimaced. “Sam and I have reached a point where I can’t help her.”

Kristina watched her mother leave the kitchen. Maybe Alexis couldn’t help, but she wasn’t ready to give up hope.

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