Below my soul
I feel an engine
Collapsing as it sees the pain
If I could only shut it out
I’ve come too far
To see the end now
Even if my way is wrong
I keep pushing on and on and on and on
– Nothing Left to Say, Imagine Dragons

---

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Quartermaine Mansion: Family Room

Tracy glanced at her phone again, her lips pressed together. Still nothing from Luke. That damned bastard hadn’t answered a single phone call in days— how was she to move forward if she couldn’t be sure that her hands were clean?

She prowled the empty room, her eyes catching family photos that hadn’t been there when she’d left a year ago. Jason and Drew’s children, Tracy realized, stopping at the mantel. School photos of Elizabeth’s boys, with Jake right in the middle — smiling back at Tracy with Lila’s blue eyes. No doubting the paternity there.

And clustered on the other side, near a photo of Emily, Danny holding his little sister. Tracy touched it, considering. What would her brother have said if he’d known about Drew? What if Monica had been able to bring him home? If they’d found a suitable cover story —

“Picking out your next victim, Mother?”

Tracy glanced over as Ned strolled in, a tablet in his hand. “Looking at all the grubby hands reaching for my father’s company,” she said coolly. “This family breeds like rabbits.”

“Charming.” Ned sat at the table, leaning back and crossing his legs. “Have you decided to let poor Michael off the hook yet? You could always go annoy Drew and give the kid a break.”

Tracy snorted, then turned. “Are you suggesting Michael can’t handle it?”

“I’m suggesting that it would be nice if you changed directions, but it’s asking too much.” Ned flicked at the screen. “What is the end game, Mother? You can’t really be that worried about the waterfront project, are you?”

“I have many concerns.” Tracy folded her arms. “This Drew character—”

“You know him—”

“I knew Jake Doe. I knew Jason Morgan. How do we even know he’s not lying or pulling a con? He was married to that grubby street urchin, wasn’t he?”

“Ah, so you do have Drew in your sights. Was Michael a diversion?” Ned lifted his brows, and Tracy sniffed. “You can relax. Drew received his ELQ shares, signed them over to Sam to vote along with Danny and Scout. He asked for one advance on his shares for the fourth quarter so he could invest in the media company.”

“How long before he held out his hand again?” Tracy demanded. “I knew it—it’s about the money—next, he’ll be trying to dump this company on you so he can flit off and move to the next mark—”

“Drew’s not interested in a merger. Aurora is his baby.” Ned set aside the tablet. “He doesn’t want ELQ, Mother. He just wants to be left alone.”

Tracy pursed her lips, sat on the sofa. “Maybe. But for all we know, he’s got more kids out there—”

“We ran a background check before we issued the shares. Andrew Cain was a decorated military officer who’s been married twice with one son. Until Scout,” Ned added. “We’ve been over this.”

“Still—”

“Whatever you’re up to, Mother, I want nothing to do with it.” Ned met her eyes. “Drew is a member of this family. Whether you like it or not. And Michael is CEO at ELQ. These are not facts you can change.”

Not that she wanted to, but she had a role to play. “That remains to be seen. I’ll be keeping my eye on all of this,” she warned, and swept out of the room, checking her phone again.

Damn it, Luke. Where are you?

Webber House: Kitchen

“You know, I bet Grandma has snacks at her place,” Cameron said, sliding onto a stool and popping open a can of soda. “She told you not to worry about it the last time we all spent the night.”

Elizabeth dropped a second bag of chips into the small cardboard box on the counter. “That was before Spencer moved in. Better safe than sorry.” She turned back to the snack cabinet, pursed her lips, and considered. “You’re sure you don’t mind? It’s a school night.”

“Nah, it’s cool.” Cameron grinned. “Spencer has an Xbox in his room, you know. So, uh, this is actually good for us.” He paused. “I guess you’ll have a lot of stuff to go over with Jason and Drew when they get back.”

Elizabeth bit her lip, glanced at her son over her shoulder. “Something like that.”

“Relax, Mom. We don’t have to talk about it. You said you weren’t gonna do anything crazy like marry Jason next week.” He sipped his soda.

“Cam—” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “I promised you nothing would change around here because things happened with Franco barely two months ago. But—”

“I get it. It’s not like you met someone brand-new. Jason’s been around for a long time. And it helps Jake to have him be part of the picture. I’m proud of him, you know.  Jake, I mean. He handled this pretty well—”

“Because you were there every step of the way. Don’t think I don’t see how much Aiden and Jake look up to you,” Elizabeth said. “I know I put too much pressure on you, that you’re responsible for them a lot—”

“You make it sound like it’s a burden.” Cameron shook his head. “I like my brothers. And I got lucky because so do my friends. Joss pretty much considers them part of the family, you know? And Emma and Trina are great about it, too. And now we have Oscar. Mom—I know you’re still messed up because of what happened at Christmas, and maybe Jason is, too. I was kind of crazy at the party.” He rubbed his thumb against the laminate counter. “Did he ever, like, tell you what we talked about?”

“No. He only told me that you’d overheard Lucky. And I know what you told me.” She tipped her head. “Was there more than what we talked about?”

Cameron was quiet, and she waited, hoping he’d open up. “I blasted Jason, I guess. I told you that. Because I was upset and mad, and no one would just leave it alone, you know? And Joss told me about the divorce papers Sam sent—”

“How did—” Elizabeth shook her head. “Never mind. Go ahead.”

“I guess Sam is saying Jason abandoned Jake and that’s why he’ll be a shitty dad to Danny. That’s what I said to him. I asked him if he was gonna leave Danny the way he left Jake.” Cameron dropped his eyes again. “I told you all that then. The way he left us.”

“It wasn’t just Jason back then—”

“No, I figure that. I see how he is with Jake, and Michael talks about him all the time. So I know he’s good at this. I guess maybe—” He cleared his throat. “I don’t know. I was thinking about all that stuff with Dad—with Lucky.” He looked at Elizabeth. “I keep reminding myself to call him Lucky because he doesn’t deserve anything else, and mostly I can do it. Sometimes I slip, though, and I think about him that way in my head. I hate it. I’m okay with Jason being around, stepping up for Jake. And Aiden, too, I guess. But I don’t need a dad. You always thought I did.”

“He loved you so much,” Elizabeth said. “Lucky. He was your dad. He adored you. I think we both let ourselves forget that. Maybe it makes it easier. I wasn’t looking for a new father for you, Cam. Not with Jason or Drew or AJ or anyone else that came into my life. Because Lucky loved you.”

“Until he didn’t.” Cameron slid off the stool. “It’s cool, Mom, I’m dealing with it.” He offered an easy smile, one she didn’t buy for a second.

“Cameron—I know what it’s like to feel cut off from someone who supposed to love you—”

“Your parents. Yeah, I know. We talked about this—”

“We did. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sneak up on you and hurt all over again. It took me a long time to accept that there wasn’t anything I could do to fix things with my parents. They’d made a choice, and I couldn’t keep punishing myself for not being good enough.”

“Did you ever…I mean, did you ever stop thinking it though?” He bit lip. “Do you wonder sometimes what you did? Like, if you’d done just this one thing, or maybe not done something else—like, what flipped the final switch?”

“I don’t think it’s really a matter of switches.” She considered the question. “When I first moved to Port Charles, I talked to my parents all the time. Mostly my dad because we’d always understood each other better. And then I…I got hurt. And I didn’t call as much. And then I didn’t go to Europe that next summer. They didn’t call all the time because your aunt Sarah lived with them.” She tipped her head. “I remember wondering all those times they’d called, if it had just been Sarah they wanted, and I was standing next to her. That one kept me up for a while.”

“So it was distance. Like me and…like me.”

“I think that was definitely part of it. You know, you get out of the routine of being together. Of being a family. And it just got easier to keep not talking. Because it would be awkward when we did.” Elizabeth leaned over, touched his hand. “But, Cam, if you’re asking me when did I stop blaming myself for making them stop loving me, the answer is never.”

“Oh, man.” He tried to laugh, but it was just a thin, nervous hiccup of laughter as he put his head in his hands. “Never? That sucks out loud.”

“It does. Most of the time, I remember that it’s not about me. I mostly stopped believing it when I had you. They put you in my arms—” Elizabeth cradled her arms, pushing herself back to that moment. “I thought I knew what love was before that moment, but I wasn’t even close. I’d loved you since I felt you fluttering inside me—”

She waited for Cam to meet her eyes, their matching blues locked. “But when I held you, it was like the world started singing. I loved you more than anything else in the universe, and I have never stopped. I can’t imagine not having this love inside.” She fisted her hand against her heart. “Even when we lost your brother, the love didn’t fade.  But it drowned me, you know? I couldn’t come up for air. All that love, it had nowhere to go. I never stopped. I will never stop loving you. That was the turning point. Where I started to forgive myself—and my parents—I wasn’t the daughter they wanted, and they weren’t the parents I needed.”

“But you said—”

“Every once in a while, mostly when Aunt Sarah sends a letter or emails me and she slips in that Mom and Dad were in town—or I see pictures on social media of her kids with them—” Elizabeth forced herself to smile. “It passes, mostly. But I’d be lying Cam, if I told you it ever went away.”

“Okay. Okay.” He took a deep breath. “I had a few good weeks, you know. I was fine with it after Christmas and Joss wanted to dump him in the Sahara, but Jason went to Turkey, and that’s where Da—Lucky is. He’s there. And maybe I could have gone. I don’t know. It’s stupid. But maybe I could have gone and seen him. Yelled at him. It’s dumb,” he repeated. “I was never going to go. No reason to. And you’d never let me. But I had this, like, thought flash, and I thought—if I showed up, I’d see the disappointment. I’d see it in his eyes. Damn, not the son I wanted.” He cleared his throat. “It won’t happen to us. You and me. Because you talked about drifting away, and you and Aunt Sarah hate each other, so it’s almost like they chose sides. But that’s not going to happen to us.”

“Yeah? How can you be so sure?” Elizabeth asked, tilting her head with a wry smile.

“Because me and Jake and Aiden, we like each other. And we like you.”

“Oh, well—” Elizabeth laughed and shook her head. “Always nice to be liked.”

“A lot of people love their family,” Cameron said, frowning, “but liking them is harder. We love you, Mom, because you’re our mom and you take care of us, and you know, Christmas. But it’s not why my friends always hang out here. Or why I’m cool with hanging out with my brothers so you can work. We just like to be around you.”

Her eyes burned and she had to take a few deep breaths. “That might be the absolute best thing you’ve ever said to me. Except the first time you called me Mom. That’s eternally number one. But that—that’s second.”

“Good.” Cam raised his brows. “Now, about moving the Xbox to my room.”

Plane: Main Cabin

As the jet taxied from the runway towards the gate, Drew reached for his phone to connect to cell data, noting that Jason did the same. As soon as the signal engaged, notifications began to litter the screen — he had more than a dozen missed calls and a handful of voice mails. Nothing from Oscar. Or from Sam, not that he’d really expected it. But he’d hoped.

The plane came to a stop, and the airport was visible through the window. Across the cabin, he heard Jason’s voice, speaking softly. “Yeah. We landed safely. Okay. Yeah.” His brother set the phone aside and got to his feet. “Sonny said there was a car to meet us.”

Drew nodded absently. “Did you call Elizabeth?”

“It’s late. She’s probably sleeping.”

“We should get out of here. I’m exhausted.” Drew slid the phone in his pocket. They’d been gone for barely forty-eight hours by the Port Charles clock, but the time difference meant somewhere, they were missing fourteen hours. All Drew wanted to do was find his bed and sleep like the dead.

Penthouse: Living Room

Sam stepped off the bottom step, exhausted beyond words. A few hours ago, she’d been upbeat, optimistic, ready to take on whatever was next — she finally felt like she understood what was in her own head and how to fix all the mistakes she’d made for the last few months —

A few weeks ago, even a few days ago, Sam would have told Valentin to go to hell. The secret she’d held so close to her heart since Danny’s illness a few years ago had revealed they’d all been living a lie — Silas, for all his faults, had said nothing to anyone else when he’d brought it to her.

He’d told her that, somehow, Julian was a match for her son, but that he wasn’t her father. And that Alexis wasn’t her mother. The daughter they’d created that long ago night was still somewhere out there in the world. Sam didn’t know or care to find out more than that. It didn’t matter. She was a Davis girl. She had a family and a life here. The truth didn’t matter.

But now that Kristina knew about Ric, and about Jake, and oh, so many of Sam’s other mistakes — now that Molly knew — and now that her mother was looking at her with those careful, suspicious eyes—

Would they ever believe that Sam had kept quiet out of fear?

“Just keep them busy,” Valentin murmured in her ear as Danny drew closer to them. “Keep them in court. Make them miserable. Keep their children away from them. Take them for everything you can. Throw any obstacle in their way.”

“That’s all you want?” Sam asked, her voice unsteady. “Distraction? You won’t come back for me?”

 “I won’t need to. Just a little time to get what I need, Samantha. And your secret will disappear back into the Cassadine family files.”

“Until the next time you want something.”

“That’s possible,” Valentin allowed, a smile flitting across his lips. Sam looked away from her son long enough to glare at him. “But only you can decide Sam. Is that a risk worth taking?”

She looked at the photo on her desk. Taken at Christmas with her sisters and her mother. Burning the bridge with Drew and Jason or keeping her family? Would Alexis still love Sam if she didn’t have to? Would she still forgive Sam all her mistakes? Or would Alexis start to remember she’d been happy with Ric all those years ago, and if not for Sam…

Sam closed her eyes. No, it was better this way. She’d keep her family. Her mother, her sisters. Jason and Drew would have to take care of themselves.

← Chapter 75 | Chapter 77 →