This is the last time
That I’m ever gonna give in tonight
Are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what blurs and what is clear to see
Well, I can see the pain in you
With I can see the love in you
And fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time
– Angels or Devils, Dishwalla

---

November 2011

General Hospital: Hospital Room

Elizabeth’s nails dug into his upper arms as her eyes, wild and feverishly bright, bore into his. “He’s out there!” she told him, desperately, her voice ragged and hoarse. “We have to get him—”

Jason’s chest ached as he gently gripped her shoulders. “Okay,” he told her softly. “Okay, we’ll get him. I promise—”

“No, no! You don’t believe me!” With a keening cry, she tried to push herself out of her bed, but Jason’s hold was firm and kept her down. “I touched him—I held him!”

“I know—” Jason looked over his shoulder at the open door, looking desperately for his mother with the sedative. He turned back to Elizabeth. “I believe you did,” he said, and something in his tone must have gotten through to her. He honestly did  — he believed that whatever fever dream she’d experienced had felt so real that she was convinced their son—their bright, beautiful little boy dead these last six months—was alive somewhere.

She’d been seeing Jake off and on for months, he knew that, but this was the first time she’d decided one of those visions had been real. She’d always known the difference before.

“Jason,” she whimpered. “Please. Please. If you ever loved me, you need to go find him. She has him—she has him—”

“I do love you,” Jason promised, his heart sliced in two at the doubt in her eyes. He’d returned to Sam, and Elizabeth had moved on with her life, but he’d always love her. Would always wish that things could have been different— “Elizabeth—”

“He’s alive—”

“Here we go,” Monica said with a murmur as she came into the room on the other side of Elizabeth’s bed. “You need to sleep—”

“Monica, I know you hate me for not telling you about Jake, but he’s alive, I promise—please, please—” Elizabeth shook her head, thrashing back and forth as she saw Monica with the syringe. “No! No, don’t make me sleep, don’t make—” But it was too late. Monica had plunged the needle into the IV line, and Elizabeth’s movements slowed; her voice started to slur. “No—no—I need—my baby—”

Her eyes closed, and her grip on Jason’s arms finally eased, then fell away as her arms grew limp. With hands shakier than he’d like, Jason pulled the hospital blanket up and arranged her hands at her sides.

In the hallway, in the bright light of the hospital, Jason focused on his mother as she closed the hospital door. “She sounded so convinced this time,” he murmured, staring at the door.

“This time?” Monica echoed.

With a wince, Jason looked at her. “She’s—just a few times out of the corner of her eye, she’s thought she saw Jake. It’s not—you know how your mind can play tricks on you. But this time—”

“Fevers induce hallucinations,” Monica reminded him. “And if she’s already been experiencing those kinds of things before the pneumonia, then I’m not surprised it’s so vivid now. I’m sorry, Jason. I thought losing Emily would shatter me into little pieces.” She pressed two fingers to her lips. “At least I can rest knowing that she—that all the children I’ve lost lived long enough to grow up and experience some of life. For the two of you—Jake will always be three years old. It’s devastating.”

“I just want to make it better for her,” he said roughly. “But I can’t.”

“There’s nothing you can do for her now. Let her rest, and hope that one day, she can put it behind her. Go home,” Monica told him. “I’ll call you if anything changes.”

Jason nodded, then looked at the door one more time. Elizabeth had sounded so convinced that she’d actually seen their son—had held him—but he knew Monica was right.

It was nothing more than a hallucination.

Monday, November 6, 2017

Aurora Media: Drew’s Office

Drew very nearly didn’t let the man in when his secretary announced that his brother was there to see him, but that was childish. Immature. Petty.

He hadn’t seen Jason Morgan—the real Jason Morgan, his twin brother—since the night they’d been gathered in the PCPD — the last moment when Drew had been able to cling to his old life.

“Send him in,” he said finally, then released the intercom button. He got to his feet just as Jason appeared in the doorway.

The two of them stared at one another for a long moment, Jason standing there with his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. He exhaled slowly, then crossed the threshold, gently closing the door behind him.

“I’m sorry to just show up like this,” Jason said, turning back to face him. “And if you want me to leave, I will. But I needed to—we need to talk about what happened. What might still be happening.”

Drew nodded, then walked over to the seating area where the coffee cart was sitting. “You want some?” he said dully.

“No, I’m fine,” Jason said, but Drew poured himself a cup of black coffee, sat on the sofa, and sipped. “Andre Maddox.”

“Knows more than he’s saying,” Drew said with a short nod. “Curtis gave me a copy of the statement. He’s waiting on the WSB to give him a better deal.”

“Yeah,” Jason agreed. He sat in the armchair as far away from Drew as he could. “Spinelli’s here. He wanted to come to see you, but he wasn’t sure if you’d want—” He scratched his temple. “He’s working on the Russian clinic, and Luke and Lucky Spencer are tracking down Cesar Faison—”

“Because he’s the one that shot me—” Drew paused. “He shot you,” he repeated. “Which means he’s part of it. Is he behind the clinic?”

“I don’t know. Elizabeth went to see Andre on Saturday,” Jason told him. “We thought he might tell her something he wouldn’t tell me or even you.” He hesitated. “But he was cryptic. He told her that we should make sure we know where all the Cassadines are—because then we could sleep at night.”

Drew made a face. “That doesn’t tell us anything—”

“Not really, no, but there’s always Valentin Cassadine, and Nikolas’s body was never found, according to Elizabeth,” Jason added. “There’s something else.” Uncomfortable, he shifted. “You—you know that after Jake died, Elizabeth…had…”

“Hallucinations,” Drew agreed. “Yeah, I, uh, well, I remember.” He frowned. “Wait—”

“Those memories aren’t yours, but they’re in your head,” Jason told him. “You know what it was like to lose Jake. What Elizabeth went through. He’s part of this. Maddox and others experimented with Jake’s brain.”

Drew’s mouth tightened. “We trusted him after the Nurse’s Ball.” He set the mug down on the coffee table with a clatter and shoved himself to his feet. “Is Jake still in danger—”

“I don’t know,” Jason repeated. “What happened to us—it sucks. What happened to you—with your memories—but we both love Jake.”

Drew looked away. “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Yeah, we do.”

“Ewen Keenan didn’t just save Elizabeth from drowning that night on Spoon Island,” Jason told him. “He brought her to the lab where Helena let her see Jake. Elizabeth saw him, held him, and then Helena drugged her and dumped her back on the beach.”

“What?” Drew’s nostrils flared. “What are you—”

“When she was in the hospital, hallucinating from the fever, and told me that she’d seen him. I told her it was a dream. I convinced her to let it go. That Jake was gone. And she believed me.”

Drew closed his eyes. It wasn’t his memory, but it was in his brain and startlingly easy to recall. The wildness in Elizabeth’s eyes—how that look had slid into betrayal when Monica put her to sleep. “I never—even after Jake came back—he was on Spoon Island all that time? And Ewen knew it?”

“I don’t know when Helena moved him to Greece, but Jake was there in November. I need answers, Drew. I need to know who the hell did this to both of us—but I need to know Jake is safe.” Jason looked at him. “I know this isn’t ever going to be normal for you and me. At least not until you can get my memories out of your head. And I’m sorry for that. I am. But Jake comes first. And I need—I need to make this right. I convinced Elizabeth Jake was dead, and she’s blaming herself now for believing me.”

Drew swallowed hard. As difficult as all of this was for him, Jason was right. Jake still mattered. And he owed Elizabeth to make sure her son was safe. His nephew. “What do you need from me? What can I do?”

“I don’t know,” Jason admitted, a bit surprised at Drew’s easy agreement. He hesitated. “I told you that the Spencers are looking for Faison, and I’ve got Spinelli working on the clinic angle. I want to do what Maddox told us to do—track down all the Cassadines that are left. I can handle that. But that still leaves Maddox and the WSB.”

“I’ll deal with that,” Drew said with a firm nod. “I want my memories back—or at least I want to see if I can get yours out of mine. There has to be a way to get my old life back without losing the last three years. Maddox did it once—he merged my Jake Doe memories with yours.  I’ll talk to Anna.”

“All right.” Jason paused. “About Jake,” he said.

“He’s yours,” Drew said, even though the words felt wrong, like a betrayal. “And so is Danny—”

“That will be up to Sam,” Jason said quietly. “But I know that Jake loves you. I know Elizabeth wants you to be in his life. Jake wants that. And I—” He hesitated. “I don’t think Jake should have to lose anyone else in his life.”

“Thank you,” Drew said, a heavy shame settling on his shoulders. Would he have been so generous if the roles had been reversed? He wasn’t so sure, and he’d have to think about what kind of person that made him.

General Hospital: Hallway

“Man, she was a savage bitch,” Felix muttered as he handed Elizabeth a chart so she could initial it as his supervisor. “Letting you see your kid, then dumping you to think it was a fever dream—”

“Yeah,” Elizabeth said with a sigh. “I kind of fell apart when I got home,” she admitted as she and Felix went down to the next room. “I started to blame myself for Jake being gone all that time—if I had just insisted—if I had found the words to convince Jason or Lucky that Jake was alive—”

“They would have checked you into the loony bin faster than you did yourself,” Felix told her. “Girl, you told me you were already seeing him all over the place. And Patrick did the surgery. He handled everything. Of course you accepted Jake was gone.”

“I’ve never understood how it worked and neither Luke or Lucky bothered to get the answers,” Elizabeth murmured. “Patrick handed Jake off to the transplant team, and then Joss got her kidney. I mean, how the hell did Jax even know to get a black market organ?”

“Did you have a closed casket?” Felix asked, and Elizabeth nodded with a sigh. He grimaced. “I’m sorry, babe. I mean, I know it all worked out, and Jake’s with us, but it doesn’t really take away everything you went through.”

“I was a different person before I lost him,” Elizabeth admitted setting the next chart back on the patient’s door. “I don’t think I’ve gotten myself back. Not yet. And maybe I never will.”

“But maybe you’ll be something better. I never knew you before, but I think you’re just fine the way you are.”

Elizabeth managed a faint smile, then checked her watch. “I need to go check on the post-op floor. Felix—thanks.”

“What are friends for?” he asked, smiling as she walked away towards the elevator. He turned and started down another hallway, heading back for the hub—then paused as he noticed someone stepping back into a room, a door closing.

Felix narrowed his eyes and walked forward. He checked the door — a hospital room that hadn’t been assigned to anyone. Well, that wasn’t good. He pushed it open, then his scowl deepened as he found Franco inside.

“What are you doing here?” he demanded. “You don’t work on this floor—”

“None of your business,” Franco muttered. He started past Felix, but the nurse grabbed his elbow without thinking. “What the hell—”

“Lurking around Elizabeth makes it my business—”

Franco yanked his arm out of Felix’s grasp. “Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?”

“Nothing,” Felix said. Franco’s eyes narrowed. “That’s right. Nothing. You’re nothing, Franco. I’m just glad Elizabeth finally wised up—”

“You should watch what you say to me,” the older man said, dropping his voice into a soft, quiet voice that had the hair on the back of Felix’s neck standing up.

“You think I’m scared of you, Baldwin?” Felix sneered, even though his heart was racing. “I know your history. I’m not your type.”

“You think I can’t make an exception?”

“Is that a threat? Because maybe I should go talk to Mrs. Spencer and get you tossed—”

Franco growled at him, then stalked away. Felix stared after him, worry lingering in the pit of his stomach.

“This is not gonna end well.”

Pozzulo’s Restaurant: Back Office

Sonny waved Jason forward as he spoke into his cell phone. “No, no, Brick, I appreciate it — yeah, I’ll put you in touch with Spinelli. We need all hands on deck.” He tossed his phone on the desk, looked at Jason. “How did it go?”

“Weird,” Jason admitted. “But Drew agreed. He’ll run interference with Robert and Anna for the WSB and Maddox, and he pointed out it made sense since he wants his own memories back.” He rubbed his jaw. “There’s, uh, something I didn’t tell you on the phone yesterday.”

Sonny frowned, leaned forward. “What? Why?”

“Because it’s not—it doesn’t give us much of a lead,” Jason said. “We’re tracking down any living Cassadines, which is what Maddox suggested to Elizabeth, but that’s not all she went to ask him. I didn’t realize—I didn’t know it—but she—”

He paused. “A few weeks before she checked into Shadybrooke, she was shoved off the Haunted Star by Lisa Niles. Do you remember that?”

“Yeah, yeah—” Sonny scratched his temple. “Uh, that was a few months before Robin and the explosion. That was how she met Ewen Keenan, but she didn’t know that then, did she?”

“No. She found out later.” Jason paused. “He took her to Spoon Island, Sonny, where Helena kept Jake for at least the first few months after kidnapping him.” Jason could barely force himself to keep talking. “At the hospital, Monica told me Elizabeth was hallucinating—her fever was so high that she kept insisting that Jake was alive, that she’d seen him, that someone had him—she hoped I could calm her down, so we didn’t have to sedate her.”

“Oh, God.” The horror had already washed over Sonny’s features. “She wasn’t hallucinating.”

“No,” Jason managed, running a hand over his face. “And I remember thinking then that she seemed to be so convinced—that I actually thought— just for a minute—maybe she was right. But Monica sedated her, and when she woke up, Lucky convinced her that it was a dream. And I backed him up. It’s—it’s part of the reason she checked into Shadybrooke. She’d been seeing him for months, and this seemed like an escalation.”

“Man. Man. And Keenan knew this?” Sonny demanded. “He dated Elizabeth knowing that Jake was alive and just across the harbor? Damn it! We could have gotten him out—”

“That’s why I went to Drew earlier today,” Jason told Sonny with a quiet shake of his head. “Because she blames herself for letting him die again. She’s always blamed herself for the accident, for Helena, for everything—but I’m the one that didn’t believe her—”

“Jason—”

“I could have looked it into it,” Jason said. “I could have gone to Spoon Island myself or asked Spinelli to look into it. With ten minutes, Spinelli probably could have found the lab. Maybe Helena would have already moved Jake—but I could have taken it seriously. I didn’t.”

“C’mon—”

“I let Elizabeth deal with all of that by herself,” Jason admitted, “when I could have done more.”

“You never used to think about what-ifs,” Sonny told him. “They just weigh you down. Make you forget what matters. Jake is home. And Elizabeth is okay. You’re back. You get to be with your son for real this time. And Drew is gonna find his own memories. You didn’t kidnap Jake. And you sure as hell didn’t let Elizabeth think he was dead for months while dating her, watching her grieve. There’s a special place in hell where Ewen Keenan is being tortured.”

Jason grimaced. “I wish I could kill him again,” he muttered. He paused. “You said you’d heard from Luke,” he said, changing the subject.

“Nothing substantial. Just that Luke thinks he finally got on Faison’s trail. It’s pretty cold,” Sonny continued, “but Luke and Lucky will get in touch when they know more.”

Penthouse: Living Room

“Mom, that’s the beauty of being my lawyer and not my mother in this situation,” Sam said as she handed Danny a napkin and walked over to the sofa, leaving Danny to finish his dinner while she argued with Alexis again.

“Sam—”

“Look, I didn’t say you had to file it; I just said I wanted the papers drawn up. So that if I go forward, I’m ready. Why is that so hard?”

“It’s not—”

“Good. Then do it.” Sam hung up, then tossed the phone on the table, sighing. She turned when the door opened, and Drew came in. Danny abandoned his dinner while Scout cooed in her highchair.

“Daddy, Daddy!” Danny rushed across the room and hurled himself into Drew’s arms. Her husband lifted the little boy and held him tight against his chest.

“Hey, buddy,” Drew said. “Did you have fun in school today?”

“I drawed a turkey for Thanksgiving,” Danny reported, squirming to be put down. “Can I go get it? It’s upstairs.”

“Sure thing.” Drew waited until Danny had climbed the stairs, then looked at Sam. “Hey.”

“Hey.” She leaned over to kiss him lightly. “How was work? I meant to come in today, but—”

“It’s fine. I didn’t get a lot done anyway.” He paused, setting his briefcase on the coffee table. “Jason came by.”

Sam tensed. “He did? Why? He should be talking to me about Danny—”

“It had nothing to do with you.” Drew faced her. “Or Danny. But about what happened to us. To make sure no one else is in danger.”

“Oh.” Sam folded her arms. “Well, I mean, what did he say?”

“We decided to work together,” he said. “We’re both worried that Maddox is telling the truth—and that Jake might be at risk—”

Sam bristled at the reminder. “But Jake’s not your son—” She bit her lip when Drew flinched. “I’m sorry, but it’s the truth—”

“He’s still my nephew,” Drew said quietly. “And it doesn’t change the last two years. Not for me.” He paused. “Sam, I can’t move forward until I know what happened. Until I can find a way to get these memories out of my head.”

“I just—I don’t know why we have to think about any of this. You and Oscar can make new memories,” Sam insisted. “If you get your memories back, what about the last three years? What if you lose me or Scout? And Danny? What if you lose us? Is it worth it to get everything else?”

“He was able to do it once. I didn’t lose my Jake Doe memories when he put Jason’s in my head again,” Drew told her. “Either way, I can’t live like this, Sam, with Jason’s memories in my head. As long as I remember his life, I’m never going to feel anything I have is mine. I don’t even know who I am. It’s too tangled up in everything else—”

“I can’t believe you’d take the chance of losing everything—”

“I didn’t say I was going through it—” Drew stopped, frowning as Danny came back down the steps, his turkey painting in his hands. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“But—”

“Later,” Drew repeated, then picked Danny up and went to the sofa to look at the picture.

Webber Home: Living Room

“We need to get a life,” Trina said as she propped her chin on her palm and frowned at Cameron as he furrowed his brow, concentrating hard on his video game. “I have the night off from Kelly’s, we don’t have a single test to study for this week, and what are we doing? I’m watching you play Assassin’s Creed.”

“Well, when you said you’d be my girlfriend, you knew I had kids at home,” Cameron said, flashing her a wicked grin before scowling back at the screen. “Come on! What are you doing!” he complained into the earpiece attached to his head. “Em!”

“It’s not my fault!” Emma complained. “You need to pay attention to the mission!”

“Ugh—”

“She’s just mad because I’m whooping her ass—”

“Shut up, Spencer,” Emma retorted. “Or I’ll make my mom fly to your stupid British school so I can kick your ass in person—”

Trina rolled her eyes and shoved herself off the sofa to wander into the kitchen where Jake and Aiden were finishing their homework. “Hey, guys. Anything good tonight?”

“No,” Jake said, darkly. “Just fractions.” He eyed Aiden’s math homework. “Can we trade?”

“Nope.” Aiden smiled, a gap in the upper left corner of his mouth. He reached for his phone, which had lit up with a notification, smiling. “Hey, it’s my dad—he wants to FaceTime.” He started to play with the buttons.

“Hey, who wants pizza for dinner?” Cameron asked, coming into the kitchen. “Emma and Spencer decided to betray the team and kill each other, so I quit. Wanna go to Mi Familia’s—” He paused when he saw Aiden on his phone. “What’s up?”

“My dad wants to—Dad!” Aiden beamed. “Hi, Dad!”

“Hey! How are you? I miss you!”

Trina could hear Lucky Spencer’s voice faintly and looked over at Cameron, who tensed, a strange look on his face. “Cam—”

“I need to order dinner,” Cameron said. He cleared his throat. “Aiden, pepperoni okay?”

“Hold on, Dad, Cam wants to order dinner. Say hi!” Aiden turned the phone around so that Lucky’s face showed to Jake, Cameron, and Trina.

“Hey,” Jake said, looking back down at his homework. “How’s Ireland?”

“I’m in Bosnia,” Lucky said. “Hey Jake, Cam.”

“Hey,” Cameron said with a nod. “Aiden, pizza?”

“Pepperoni is cool. Thanks! I’m gonna go upstairs and talk to Dad.” Aiden bounced off the table and zoomed upstairs, his phone clutched in his hand.

“Cam—” Trina began, but Cameron walked back out to the living room to get his phone. She sighed and sat down next to Jake. “When was the last time he called you or Cam?” she asked Jake, even though she really shouldn’t be annoying a ten-year-old with these questions, but she knew Cameron would never tell her.

“Um…maybe when Gram died, I think. He flew in for the funeral and took Aiden to hang out with Grandma Laura.” Jake pressed down on his pencil. “But he didn’t call on Cam’s birthday. Or mine.” He looked at Trina. “I feel bad. I sorta got two dads now. Aiden’s got Lucky. But Cam’s only got Mom.”

Trina pressed her lips together, remembering the brief argument on Halloween when she’d accused him of protecting his mother too much. The more time she spent with the brothers, the more she worried about all the pressure Cameron was putting on himself.

Not that she’d ever bring it up to him. He’d only rip her head off.

“Your mom is pretty great,” Trina said.

“Yeah, but I kind of remember when Lucky was our dad, too” Jake admitted. “Why do dads stop liking you? Like—do they just decide not to be dads anymore? I don’t get it.”

“I don’t either,” Trina muttered, leaning back in her chair, eying Cameron as he stood stiffly in the living room, the phone pressed against his ear. He met her eyes, then looked away. “At least you know your mom is never, ever gonna wake up and not be your mom anymore, right?”

“No, Mom’s the best,” Jake agreed. “Still sucks for Cam.”

“Yeah, yeah, it does.”

General Hospital: Parking Garage

By the time her shift ended that night, Elizabeth was tired down to the marrow of her bones and didn’t have the energy to ask why Felix had insisted on walking her to the car.

“We should stick together,” he told her when she’d asked, and because she didn’t mind the company, she agreed.

As they stepped off the elevator, Felix touched her elbow. She stopped to face him. “What’s going on?”

“Listen. I know it’s been a week since you broke up with him, but you should know I’ve caught Franco lurking around you a few times this week. Today,” he added, “he ducked into a room so you didn’t see him. I told him to knock it off—”

“Felix—”

“But if he doesn’t, you need to go to Laura. No one needs a stalking Franco,” he said. “And if you don’t talk to Laura, I will.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “I really don’t feel like dealing with this. I just want to forget it ever happened—”

“You might want to do that, and I’m sure Carly wishes that sometimes, too,” Felix reminded her, “but he made sure she didn’t get to walk away from him peacefully. And she didn’t even do the breaking up there.”

She bit her lip at the reminder. “Okay. I’ll—I’ll talk to Scott. See if he can sort Franco out and get him to back down. Franco’s angry with me, but I don’t think—” When Felix just raised his brows, she sighed. “I know. After what he did to Cameron, I shouldn’t try to guess what he might do next.”

He raised his brows as they turned a corner and saw Jason Morgan leaning against the side of Elizabeth’s car. “Well, well, I’m sure that pretty man is not here for me.”

“Hey,” Jason said, straightening. She looked past him, where his bike was parked next to her car. “Felix.”

“Jason.” Felix wiggled his brows at Elizabeth. “This is where I’ll leave you then. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow,” Elizabeth called as the nurse ambled away. She turned back to Jason. “I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”

“I told you I was gonna go talk to Drew.” Jason handed her a helmet. She hesitated, staring down at it. “I’ll bring you back to your car,” he said.

She wanted so badly to take the helmet, climb on the bike, and go wherever he wanted to take her. She wanted to turn back the clock twenty years so she could be that girl again—the girl who hadn’t yet made so many of the mistakes that would haunt her every step.

“What’s wrong?” Jason asked. “Is it too late? It’s too late,” he continued, answering his own question. “You probably have work tomorrow—”

“No, it’s just—the boys are home—and mostly, I’m tired,” she admitted. “I barely feel like driving home right now, much less coming back here and driving home in an hour.”

“Fair enough.” Jason set the helmet on the bike. “Drew agreed to help,” he told her. “He’s going to talk to Anna and follow up with the WSB and Maddox.”

“I thought he would,” Elizabeth said. She tipped her head. “I’m okay,” she told him. “I know I kind of lost it on Saturday, but I can handle this—”

“I know you can. It’s me—” He paused. “You let it go, but I’m the one that didn’t listen to you. I could have done more.”

“Done what?” she asked softly. “Take the crazy mother seriously? I’d been seeing him for months. I was delirious. You knew that. Monica knew that—”

“But it wouldn’t have cost me anything to give you the peace of mind,” Jason said. “I could have done that. I should have. I left you alone to raise Jake, and then I left you alone to grieve him.”

Tears stung her eyes, and she looked down at the concrete floor of the parking garage. “You checked in.”

“Not enough. I’ve never done enough.” He extended the helmet again, and she frowned at him, meeting his eyes. “I’ll drive you home,” he offered. “And bring you back tomorrow. You won’t have to do more than hold on.”

And this time, she took the helmet.

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