“You’re nasty.”

“Take that back!”

“I won’t. That’s a filthy habit.”

“From the girl who inflicts pain herself for beauty.”

“You’re still not over that?”

“I will never be over that, Lizzie. You were torturing yourself.”

“I was plucking my eyebrows, Lucky!”

“It’s unnecessary torture.”

“We’re off topic. You’re nasty and you know it.”

“This is not nasty–”

“Ew!! Watch where you’re clipping!”

“Well, get out of the way!”

“I can’t, those things are huge!”

“Well…then go home.”

“I can’t.”

“What did Jason do this time?”

“I hate when you say it like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re just asking me what I think Jason did this time but clearly he did nothing because I’m the hysterical female and I’m overreacting.”

“I would never say that!”

“Because you like your fingers where they are and not ripped off.”

“Well…so do most people.”

“And anyway, Jason didn’t do anything, but I don’t appreciate your tone. I never overreact. I–I’m always perfectly rational.”

“You’re sniffling.”

“I am not.”

“Good God, you’re going to cry. Jesus, Lizzie, Gia’s not here and I’m no good at this. Do not cry! That’s an order!”

“I’ll cry if I want to.”

“I know, I know. Okay, so why the tears?”

“I’m pregnant.”

“Again?”

“As opposed to…?”

“Okay, okay, stupid question. So is this a good thing? Is it a bad thing? I can’t tell.”

“I told Nicole and she started crying and she was upset and she doesn’t want a brother or a sister and I was so upset by that I came over here. Jason doesn’t know yet.”

“Oh. Well, you know, Nicole’s seven. She’s been an only child for so long. If we told Markus that Gia was pregnant, he’d have a heart attack after six years of going solo.”

“She was just so upset and I wasn’t prepared.”

“She’ll get prepared. You give her the same speech my parents gave me when Lu was born. You get to boss her around, tell her what to do, be the big sister, etc. It’s fun, kids eat it up.”

“I guess.”

“You do plan on telling Jason, right?”

“No, I thought I’d go for six months and see if he noticed the extra pounds.”

“See…that’s the thing with you, Lizzie. I’m never sure if you’re joking with me or not.”

“Ow! It hit me that time!”

“Sorry–”

“You have the biggest toenails in the universe, Lucky. Christ, I’m going to need a shower after this.”

“Hey, they’re clean.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m just not taking your word for it. Didn’t your mother teach you not to clip toenails in company?”

“You’re not company, Lizzie. You’re family.”

“That’s not at all comforting.”

← Death By Pastry | Horndogs and Godparents →