I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?
– Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

---

Thursday, September 25, 2008

General Hospital: ICU Waiting Area

“I’m sorry, you’re planning to do what?” Nadine demanded, shifting the patient chart from one arm to the other. “You’re moving to California? Just like that?”

“Not just like that. There are still some details to get in order—” Nikolas winced, took her arm and lead her away from Epiphany and other curious ears at the nurse’s station. “We found a really good facility, and they’re holding a spot for Lulu. They think another one will open in a month or so for my mother. Alexis is working out the terms of the deal with the DA.”

“Yeah, but—does Lulu know about this? I can’t believe she’d agree to this—I mean, her whole life is here. I was just out with Maxie and Spinelli, and Maxie’s talking like Lu is going back to work.”

“What my sister wants to do when she’s well is her own business,” Nikolas said. “But for right now, her health comes first. Lu will appreciate this when she realizes it’s the best—”

“Oh, so she doesn’t know. You’re not even going to ask her? Great idea, Nikolas. Uproot her when her mental health is fragile enough. Take her away from her friends, her job, her family, her boyfriend—” When Nikolas looked away, Nadine narrowed her eyes. “Oh. Oh, that’s the point, isn’t it? You’re separating her from Johnny. That’s low, Nikolas. Even for you—”

“Look at what he’s put her through!” Nikolas hissed, his cheeks flushing. “She’s in this mess because of him—”

“She’s in this mess because Logan Hayes attacked Maxie, and Scott Baldwin badgered her into admitting it on the stand just like he tried to badger me. I got thrown in jail, and she’s in Shadybrooke. Johnny tried to cover it up, and okay, that’s on him. But when it was clear Lu wasn’t okay, he got her help. Why don’t you give him any credit? None of this is his fault.”

“Since when do you defend Johnny—never mind.” He dropped his hands to his side. “This isn’t up for discussion. I’ll go over Scott’s head to get this deal done, and then Lu and I are going to California.”

“This isn’t a discussion,” Nadine repeated. “Well, it’s about to be an argument because as soon as I clock out, I’m going over to Shadybrooke and—”

“I’ve limited her visitors,” Nikolas said, and Nadine closed her mouth. “Starting tomorrow, it’s just me and Lucky from now on. She’ll go to the wedding, that’s fine, but sometime next week, this will happen. I only told you because—” He hesitated. “I thought I owed you an explanation—”

“I think you’re making it very clear that you don’t owe me anything.” Nadine exhaled slowly, looked away, gathered her dignity. “You know, it’s fine. It’s fine. Thanks for informing me. I hope your sister gets well and kicks your ass because what you’re doing? Denying her friends and family when she needs them the most because you’ve got a hatred for her boyfriend tells me everything, I need to know about you—have a nice life.”

Safe House: Living Room

Elizabeth peered through the window again, sighing when there still was no sign of any car or motorcycle coming up the drive. She paced away from the window, then checked the clock over the mantel. Ten minutes past six. Traffic, she thought. Or maybe something had some up. Wouldn’t be the first time—

No. No, she’d spent so much time trying to get Jason back to this place — to seeing her in private. To being in love, even if no one else could know. Though Elizabeth doubted it was much of a secret. She knew the dark SUV that was always across the street were Jason’s men, and Lucky said nothing about the one that always sat at the Spencers on the rare occasions he had the boys. Gram likely never noticed, but there were always guards on the boys.

And, well, it went without saying the entire world knew Elizabeth had slept with Jason two years earlier, that there had been a question about the paternity of Jake. As her youngest son grew older, he looked more and more like his father. The shape and color of his eyes were dead ringers for Jason’s — and if Edward Quartermaine ever got a good look at him, he might recognize his beloved Lila’s eyes in Jake’s face.

And sometimes when he smiled, quietly and shyly, the way Jason did when no one was looking—

They were going to have a lot of questions in a few years, but Elizabeth hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

There was a rumbling, then crunching of gravel. Elizabeth went back to the window, sighing in relief when she saw one of those black SUVs now. It rolled to a stop next to her car, then Jason climbed out. He must have had meetings, she thought—he still wore a black suit, though the jacket had been discarded, leaving him in a black-button down shirt. He had a file folder in his hand when he closed the door.

Elizabeth met him on the front porch with a kiss, gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him towards her. Jason dropped the folder to the ground, his hands diving into her hair. It had been days, she thought, since she’d felt his mouth against hers, his body pressed against hers. “Mmm, sorry. I missed you.”

“I missed you, too.” Jason stroked the back of his knuckles down her cheek. “I’m sorry I’m late. Carly came as I was heading out and wouldn’t go until I practically shoved her out the door.” Keeping one of his hands laced through hers, he stooped to grab the folder. “I know it’s hard to get a sitter for the boys last minute.”

“Gram’s a lifesaver, and they love going there. They’re so good with her,” Elizabeth said, following him inside. “Well, Cam is, and Jake follows his lead. It’s like he knows he can’t be as crazy at her house. She can’t run after him the way I can—” She made a face. “Sorry. You didn’t ask—”

“No, no, I like—” He hesitated, then looked down at the folder in his hands. “I like hearing about them. Thinking about what they’re like. It’s—it’s good that they’re gentler with Audrey. And Jake following Cameron—it’s—I don’t mind,” he finished, almost awkwardly.

The silence lingered for a moment, but then she cleared her throat. “You said you had something about the trip? Which is still definitely happening,” she added, hoping it sounded like a light tease, but ended up more as a question.

“Nothing is going to keep me from getting on the plane with you and taking you to Italy,” Jason said, his eyes meeting hers. “I know—I know we had to…I know what I’ve done to hurt you—”

“Oh, no, Jason—”

“I haven’t kept my promises, but I’m trying to now. I still don’t—” He cleared his throat. “Maybe I still don’t really know why you’d want any of this, but you do, and I love you. I need you to believe that I want this trip maybe more than you do.”

“I do. I do,” she repeated, softly when he just sighed, looked down at her hands as she slid them up his chest. “I love you. That’s enough for me.” She leaned up, brushed her mouth against his. “I’m sorry. I was just trying to make a joke, and it didn’t land.”

“It’s okay. Uh, Diane tried to get you pre-clearance for the airport on Saturday, but there wasn’t enough time—you don’t—” he winced. “You don’t travel enough to skip the security line.”

“Figures,” she muttered, taking the letter from him rejecting the application. “I’m a normal person who never gets in any trouble, therefore I’m a security risk that the TSA needs to frisk. You’ve been on trial for murder like three times—”

“Twice,” he corrected.

“—and you get to skip the line. Where’s the justice?” She crumpled it up. “Can we just pay them off?”

“Uh, no, I don’t know anyone in the TSA,” Jason said, and she was relieved when he only smiled at that. Sometimes he wasn’t very appreciative of her attempts to make light of his less than legal activities. “We’ll just have to take more trips,” he said.

“Well, I like the sound of that,” Elizabeth said. “I guess this means we’ll have to meet at the gate. You’ll make it in time for boarding, won’t you?”

“If everything goes right, I should be there when they open for boarding, yeah.” Jason took her hand, lead her to the sofa where they sat down. She curled up next to him, taking his hand in hers again, just liking the way they looked next to each other. “And if it looks like anything is being delayed, I’ll leave early.”

“Really? Even if Kate and Sonny are mid-vows?” Elizabeth teased. He kissed her lightly.

“Really,” Jason promised. “Nothing is going to stop me from getting to that gate. From going to Italy.

She believed he meant that, but it was just so hard to think that something wouldn’t stop them. “There’s more, right? I doubt you dragged yourself all the way here just for a rejection letter.

“Diane thought—and I think she’s right—we’re traveling internationally together and, uh, we’re not related.” He looked at their interlocked hands, and she didn’t say anything right away. She knew they were both thinking about April. About those last few minutes before the world had caved in — when they’d been engaged. Would they be married by now? Would Italy have been a honeymoon?

“Anyway,” Jason continued after a moment of silence, “she pointed out that if anything happened—well, she just suggested a power of attorney. For both of us.”

“Oh. Well, that makes sense.” Elizabeth drew one of her legs up to her chest. “I guess Gram would be mine, and I didn’t even tell her I was going to Italy. Most people think I’m going to the Bahamas. I figured that was safer. She’d be so confused if—well, it makes sense. So is there paperwork to sign?”

“Yeah, some things for you to fill out, then we have to sign it with witnesses. I asked Diane and Max to come by the coffee house tomorrow if you can make that work. If not, we can do it Saturday—”

“I can come, it’s just—I’ve got the boys. I don’t want to ask my grandmother again, and—” she winced. “Lu used to grab them, but obviously that’s out. Can I bring them?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I’d…I’d like that.” Jason flashed another smile, and she felt her own mouth curving in response.

“We’re really going to Italy, aren’t we?” She swung a leg over his middle, straddling him, her fingers fisted in his shirt. “We’re going to spend ten days with no phones, no family, no hospital, no Carly, all by ourselves in Venice?”

Jason’s hands slid up her back, his fingers warm through the thin cotton of her shirt. He pulled her down for a kiss, murmuring against her mouth. “Waking up together every morning—”

“Mmm,” she sighed dreamily, “walking in the Piazza San Marco—”

“Just you and me.”

She snuggled against his chest, tucking her head beneath her chin, enjoying the rise and fall of his breathing, his arms around her. “Can you stay just a little longer? I don’t want to leave yet.”

“I can stay as long as you can,” Jason said.

“Then maybe…” she traced the edge of the black buttons on the shirt. “Maybe we should go see if the mattress is as comfortable as it was the last time we were here.”

“I think…” Jason’s hands slid down to her waist, and then she was lifted in the air, her legs instinctively curling around him, her arms sliding around his neck. “That’s the best idea I’ve heard all day.”

Jacks House: Kitchen

“And he just shoved me right out,” Carly muttered. She set the plate of pizza in front of Morgan at the table, then returned to her mother at the counter. “Can you believe it? He’s leaving for ten days with all of this going on—”

“Do you remember when you came to see me last week?” Bobbie asked. “Devastated, crying. You’d just come from Jason’s, and you were feeling mortified because you’d walked in on Jason and Elizabeth—and by the way, I’m pretty sure you weren’t supposed to tell me about that—and you were so grateful because Elizabeth didn’t even say anything. She just left so you and Jason could talk. What happened to that?”

“I—” Carly closed her mouth. “Look, that was last week. It had all just happened, and I was still reeling, okay? Jax had left, and—”

“And now you’ve had time to think about it, so we’re switching back to Elizabeth is the enemy.” Bobbie shook her head, bit her into her pizza. “This is no different than watching reruns of your favorite show, and it’s always the episodes you wished you’d forget.” She touched her daughter’s arm. “Honey, I know how horrible this year has been. Believe me, I know. I buried my little girl. I lost my marriage.”

“You mean the one I destroyed?” Carly muttered, picking at the cheese. “Do you think I can’t hear myself?”

“Sometimes I think you focus on something that doesn’t really matter and pick at it until you’ve destroyed it. By then, what’s really hurting won’t feel as bad. But, baby, you’ve got to stop picking Elizabeth as a fight. She’s not the enemy. And she hasn’t been in a long time. Are you really angry that Jason’s taking some time for himself? That he’s going on a trip with someone he loves?”

Carly sighed, looked over at the table where her youngest son sat eating his pizza. No one else with him. No brother across the table. No visits from his sister, Kristina. No stepfather to tease him. “I’m angry because he has someone in his life, and I don’t. He and Elizabeth…they’re just starting. There’s…I’m jealous,” she finally said. “Because he has something—someone—and everything is ending for me. I’m angry at the world, you know. At me, for ever thinking Sonny was good enough. For letting him near my son. For letting him leave that day.” Carly closed her eyes. “I’m angry at everything and everyone. Maybe even you for bringing me into the world in the first place.”

“You need to find a way to live with that—”

“That’s what I’m doing,” Carly said sharply. “I’m sorry if that means your precious Elizabeth gets the truth thrown at her once or twice, but she can handle it. Are you done taking her side? Can we just have dinner without you criticizing me?” She avoided her mother’s eyes, picked up her pizza and went over to the table.

She was done being picked apart by the people who were supposed to love her. She’d get through this on her own.

Crimson Pointe: Johnny’s Bedroom

Claudia Zacchara draped herself against the door frame, lifted one perfectly plucked dark brow, and watched Johnny unhook a garment bag from the closet. “Going somewhere?”

“Figured it was easier to grab a room at the Metro Court,” Johnny said draping the bag over the bed next to a half-packed suitcase. “Instead of driving back and forth all the time. I’ll be back on Sunday probably.”

Claudia made a face. “You’re really going to that stick’s wedding? Can’t you think of anything more fun to do on a Saturday night?”

Johnny dumped the last of the clothes into the bag, then zipped it. “You mean hang around this mausoleum watching you and Dad circle each other like vultures?”

“Eventually, Daddy will go crazy again and I can take over for real or he’ll do something stupid enough that Jason Morgan will have to take action.” She folded her arms. “Either way, I end up winning, and all I have to do is sit back and wait. It’s only a matter of time.”

“Don’t forget Trevor. He’s not going to let you take over without a fight. As long as you both keep me out of it—” He lifted the suitcase, the garment bag over the other arm.

Claudia flattened a hand against Johnny’s chest when he tried to pass her. “Don’t be like that, John. I’m not that mercenary. Everyone will be better off when our father is out of the picture and I’m running things.”

“I agree about that first part,” Johnny said, and her expression soured. “Lately, Claudie, every time you try to do something, someone ends up in the hospital. Maybe we’d be better off if you were in back in Italy.”

Her dark eyes watched him carefully, then she lowered her hand. “We used to be close, John. All I’ve ever done is try to protect you.”

“Tell that to Michael Corinthos. Was that protecting me?” Johnny bit out. When his sister flinched, he sighed. “Just drop it. Okay? I don’t want to be involved in any of this, I never did. And you’ve always known that. So if you have some vision of playing puppet master while you pull my strings, get it out of your head right now. I don’t want anything to do with this life.”

“You keep saying that,” Claudia said, calling over her shoulder as Johnny started down the hall. “But you have no problem coming home to Daddy every time things go wrong. You know he’s going to be pissed when he finds out you’re not here.”

“I trust you’ll find a way to irritate and distract him. Have fun.”

Safe House: Bedroom

It was wrong to say that Jason didn’t dream when he slept at night. It might be more accurate to say that he didn’t dream the way other people did — visions swirling in and out of his mind in deep sleep — that hadn’t happened since the accident. He never understood it when anyone talked about weird and strange dreams. Didn’t everyone have control of their dreams? Lying in bed, closing your eyes and letting yourself think about what your life could be like? What you wanted it to be like?

If anyone had told Jason what he thought of as dreaming was actually daydreaming, he might have furrowed his brow with confusion. What was the difference?

When he did lay awake, more often in the terrible months since he’d lost his sister, then Michael so close together—when he laid alone in his bed, staring at the ceiling, he thought about what he wished for his life.

It was always the same — Elizabeth curled up next to him, her breathing soft and even, feeling safe enough to sleep at his side. Across the hall, Cameron and Jake asleep in their own beds. Sometimes they shared a room, sometimes they were separated. He couldn’t decide which he’d prefer.

The nights he dreamed about always started with putting them to bed, tucking them in, reading to them, whatever nighttime rituals they cherished. Then going across the hall, closing the door behind him, and watching Elizabeth get ready for bed. Taking down her hair or brushing it, smiling at him. What came next was the only piece of that vision that Jason was able to hold on to.

Jason set Elizabeth on her feet, letting her body slide down slowly against his. He stroked the dip between her chin and her bottom lip, the soft skin like silk against his rougher thumb. She smiled up at him, that slow, sultry curve of her lips that always drove him crazy — she’d smiled at him once this way in public and he’d had to sit down until he could walk away without making it obvious what he’d been thinking.

“Are you just going to look at me all night?” Elizabeth murmured, sliding her hands up his chest, slowly unbuttoning his shirt, one at a time, her fingers lingering on each one.

“I could,” Jason said, intently. “You’re so beautiful.” She smiled again, but this time, she bit her lip and let her head fall against his chest. “You are,” he whispered against her hair. “You should hear that every day. The way you move, the way you smile, and laugh—all of you. I think about you all the time. It’s distracting,” he admitted, “but I can’t stop.”

Elizabeth lifted her head, tipping her head to the side, then continued to unbutton his shirt, spreading the sides apart, then kissing him, softly, then hungrily, her fingers tightening in the fabric, then stripping it off his shoulders, winding her arms around his neck. He slid his hands beneath her top, seeking out more of her smooth, soft skin, tugging the hem of the shirt higher and higher until his hands were cupping her breasts, still encased in lace. She broke away, her breathing heavy so that he could whip it over her head.

He reached for the button of her jeans, unhooking it, then sliding the zipper down. He hooked his fingers beneath the denim, slowly sliding them down her legs, kneeling at her feet. Jason kept his eyes on hers, discarding the flats she wore first, then the jeans, then pressed his open mouth to the inside of her high. She bit her lip, her breathing more shallow, faster as his lips cruised until they reached their destination, still covered by lace at the junction of her thighs.

Her fingers twisted in his hair, yanking slightly, but Jason barely noticed. He peeled off the panties, then lifted her thigh so that it rested over his shoulder.

“Jason—” was all Elizabeth could manage before she broke off with a strangled cry, when he found her with his tongue. She reached out blindly with her other hand, found the corner of the closet, and gripped it hard.

When she came apart, she nearly collapsed, but Jason scooped her into his arms and carried her to the bed, stripping off the rest of his clothes and her bra in an almost feverish rush. There were no lingering caresses, no soft sighs, or slow movements, not now. Just the urgency and desperation of two people who never had nearly the amount of time together they deserved—

Elizabeth fell onto her back, her throat hoarse, sweat shimmering across her chest. “We’re never going to survive ten days in Italy,” she managed. She turned her head on the pillow, saw him looking at her with a grin. “Look at you. All pleased with yourself, aren’t you?”

His grin just widened, and he folded his arms beneath his head. “What if I said I am?”

“Well, then I’d say…” Elizabeth sat up, bit her lip, then looked at him again. “It’s my turn.”

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