And why do you lie
When you want to die
When you hurt inside?
Don’t know what you lie for anyway
Now there’s nothing left to say
– Nothing in My Way, Keane

---

Friday, September 26, 2008

General Hospital: Hallway

This was not a conversation Patrick wanted to have in public, but unfortunately the only way he could catch Epiphany these days was on the run. He tracked her down in a hallway in the ICU, and from the expression on her face — she knew what he was coming to say.

“If you’re coming near me with another refusal from that damn board,” she began, slapping a chart back into the slot in the closed door. “You can just turn right back around and tell them you’re going to need a new head nurse.”

“I’m sorry. I really thought with the new fiscal year, but—”

“What am I going to do? Five more nurses were barely going to cover what we needed,” she muttered heading for the next door, whipping out the chart and skimming it. “But I can’t even get one?”

“I fought it. I promise. But the board—”

“Bunch of stingy-ass men in suits who think medicine should turn a profit. You know what—” She turned back to him, one of her fingers stabbing at him, then she sighed. “I’m taking it out on the wrong person, I know that. But you’re the fool standing in front of me, so I don’t know what choice I have.”

Patrick grimaced, shoved his hands in the pocket of his lab coat. “I’m sorry. I knew we were running thin with nurses before I took over, but I had no idea how bad it was.”

“You know what happens with a nursing shortage?” Epiphany demanded. “The ones I have get run ragged. I float my best nurses from department to department trying to stem the tide. They’re getting sicker and burnt out. They’re calling out and taking vacation days at higher rates, which just makes the problem worse. Did you tell the board any of this?”

“It was in the proposal I sent.” And Patrick was not going to tell her that the recommendation had been for the head nurse to be a bit more efficient with her assignments. Not if he didn’t want to be bailing Epiphany out of jail for assault. “I’m not going to stop trying, I promise. But—”

“Even the best nurses screw up when they’re tired and overworked. The board wants to save money, but they’re just going to cause more malpractice cases,” she muttered. The nurse’s eyes narrowed when she caught sight of something just over Patrick’s shoulder. “Speaking of vacations at the absolute worst time.”

Elizabeth appeared at Patrick’s side. “Hey, everything okay?”

“No, the board shut down the funding again,” Epiphany bit out. “Did you have to take two weeks’ vacation right now? I expected better from a member of your family.” And with that, she stalked off, turning the corner towards the nurse’s station.

---

Elizabeth watched Epiphany walk away, grimacing. “I’m sorry. I know it was last minute—”

“You know she really doesn’t mean it. She’s just angry—”

“She should be. I’ve been floated to six different departments in the last six months,” Elizabeth said with a wrinkle of her nose. “I’ve been pulling so many doubles, I nearly forgot what my boys looked like.”

“What are you doing here anyway? Your vacation started yesterday, didn’t it?” Patrick wanted to know. He started for the elevators, and Elizabeth followed.

“No—one of the reasons Epiphany is angry is I scheduled my vacation days to fall after my usual three days off. I know, I know, that’s how it’s supposed to work, but I could have done her a favor, worked these days. I just—there’s a lot to do before I leave the boys for a week.”

Patrick pressed the button for the first floor. “They’re not going with you? I figured you were taking them to Disney or something.”

“No, I’m doing that next summer. Cam just started preschool, so they’re with Lucky.”

“About time he did his part,” Patrick grumbled. He waited for the elevator doors to close before frowning. “I don’t understand — are you going alone?”

“That’s why I wanted to come by,” Elizabeth said. “I need a few things from my locker, but I wanted to give you my travel information. So that someone has it. I’m not telling Lucky where I’m going either.”

Patrick gave her a look but kept the questions to himself until they were in his office. He flicked through the messages the secretary had given him. “So why all the secrecy?”

“Because I’m going to Italy with Jason.”

His dark head stayed down for a minute, as if he were still reading the yellow notes in his hand, but his body had stilled. Finally, he raised his eyes to hers. “Italy. With Jason Morgan. That’s—I’m going to need more information.”

Elizabeth dug in her bag for the information she’d brought. “There — my flight information, numbers of the hotel. I don’t expect Lucky to need anything, but if he does, you’ll be the only one who can get in touch with me. I don’t want him to know where I am. Or who I’m with.”

“Goes without saying this is in the vault—” He shoved the paper into a folder, then scowled. “But you have a lot of explaining to do. I know you testified at the trial last year that you two were, uh, that there was something there a few years ago—”

Elizabeth sat down, staring at the mahogany desk where she’d seen her grandfather so often in her childhood. “Two summers ago. We slept together the night of the black out. I got pregnant with Jake—”

Patrick squinted. “I think I need to take a seat for this, don’t I?”

“No, no, I mean, maybe—” She sighed when he actually sat down. “It’s not that big a deal, honestly. I got pregnant, but there was a lot of miscommunication, and well, then we were worried about Jake’s safety, so we kept things the way they were, but Jason and I…we’ve been…together. Since last year. After we lost Emily, it just seemed stupid not to be together.”

“A—a year?” Patrick echoed. “How did—wait—let me just—” He held up both hands. “Let me wrap my brain around this. You—Jason is Jake’s father.”

“Yes.” She bit her lip, looked down at her hands. “The day Michael was shot—when I was called to come into the hospital — we were together. He’d just proposed.”

“Prop—” He dropped his head to the desk then shook it. “Okay, I know I tend to be a little self-absorbed, but I feel like I should have seen or noticed something. You were engaged—”

“Not for long. Um, obviously, it—Jason changed his mind. And I did, too. I mean, I understood what he was feeling, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t scare me, too. It’s been rough these last few months, but lately, Jason’s been starting to come around, and I’ve been thinking about all the people we’ve lost. Emily and—oh, God, Georgie. She was so young. It’s senseless. Lulu’s struggles. And Michael. It kills me that he’ll never wake up. Not without a medical miracle.” She exhaled slowly. “I just started to see that I was giving up so much because something might happen. I didn’t want to live in fear anymore, and I told Jason that. He…this is a compromise. He asked me to go to Italy once, a lifetime ago, and I didn’t go. I’m going this time. I just didn’t want to go without someone knowing. And I thought…maybe you’d be the only person who wouldn’t give me a hard time.”

“I see what you did there—” Patrick jabbed a finger at her. “You think you backed me into a corner, and I’m not going to have thoughts on all of this. Well, listen, I have thoughts. A lot of them. And when you get back from this trip, I’m going to be ready with an outline and a PowerPoint.”

She bit her lip again, but this time it was to stop the smile from spreading. “So you’ll keep my secret?”

“Until you come back, and I have all my thoughts in order because Maxie and Spinelli are in and out of that place all the time, and Jason spends time with Morgan and Carly—”

“Oh, don’t—you know that’s different, Patrick. Don’t shake your head at me. It is. Spinelli and Maxie are adults. Morgan is Sonny’s son. He doesn’t get to walk away from his name. Jake and Cam are little boys who never asked for any of this. Don’t—Jason had his doubts, too. When I was hurt during the fire, he wavered, and I held firm. This is a decision we made together.  It’s my job to give my boys the best life I can give them. For a while, it meant keeping them safe. Now? I think maybe they also deserve someone who loves them.”

“You don’t think Lucky loves them?” Patrick asked. “How out of the loop am I? When did that start?”

“When I told him about this trip, he argued with me. Said he didn’t have time to have the boys this week because of Lulu. And I realized—I make the schedule. I call him to take the boys on the weekends. I make sure they see him. He never has to lift a finger. That’s why he’s not getting my phone number. Because he’ll call me at the first sign of discomfort. If he wants to be their father…” She shook her head. “It sounds awful, like I’m forcing him into it, and maybe sometimes it feels that way. This trip — it’s a test for all of us, I think. If Lucky can’t do this, if he can’t be their father for one week when I’m their mother one hundred percent of the time, then no father would be better.” She got to her feet. “If he really needs me, he can have the number, but unless the boys are sick—”

“I got it. I’ll take care of it. You have—” Patrick winced. “Have a great time. You deserve that. Jason doesn’t, but you do.”

Coffee House: Office

Jason scribbled his name at the bottom of a contract and made a note to drop it off with Diane on his way home that night. There were a thousand things that needed to get done before he had to leave for the church the next day—

And they had to be done before the church because his window to make the flight was so small—

He looked up when there was a knock at the door, then it opened. Cody Paul, his second-in-command, and Francis Corelli, head of security stepped in. “Hey, you ready for us?”

“Uh, yeah.” Jason slid the paperwork back in the manila envelope. “Did you get a chance to check the security at the church?”

“Spoke with Father Coates,” Francis said. “Sonny wanted us to cut back on the guys at that door checking invitations — said it sent the wrong look to Kate’s people, so that’s out. Other than that—”

Jason grimaced — it had been hard enough to get Sonny to agree to let Jason’s guys handle security in the first place, but Jason had been determined. Sonny might be out of the business, but that had been true that terrible day in the warehouse—

His fist tightened at his side as he remembered the phone call. The day they’d sent Michael to live in a hospital bed hooked up to machines, knowing he’d never open his eyes again. He took a deep, bracing breath. Looked at Francis again. “Okay. And security at the Spencer house?”

“Have to be careful with that one,” Francis reminded him. “Spencer’s still a cop, so Dougie is going to take the day shift, Vinnie the night. They’ll try to stay on the kids, but—”

“But there’s not much they can do.” Another situation Jason couldn’t really control. Lucky had refused extra security — the whole point of Lucky raising Jake and Cameron, of staying in their lives, was to keep them out of Jason’s.

But there would always be the chance that someone would find out where Jason was—and who was flying with him. He’d wanted to fly private, but Sonny had the jet for the honeymoon, and Jason hadn’t been able to get a charter. Once Elizabeth had been granted the vacation days, they couldn’t change the dates. He hated leaving the country knowing the boys weren’t as safe as they could be—

“You know,” Cody said, breaking into Jason’s thoughts. “If, uh, things were more public, you could probably talk Spencer into letting a guard get a little closer—”

Jason clenched his jaw, glared at him, and the younger man fell silent. “Do what you can,” he told Francis.

“Yeah, no problem.”

“I won’t contact you unless it’s an emergency,” Cody said. “I can handle pretty much anything that comes up,” he continued.

“I’ll keep my eye on the kid,” Francis said, and Cody shot him a dark look. The “kid” was maybe five years younger than Francis and Jason, but no one ever let him hear the end of it. It was the same attitude the guys had had when Jason had started—Reinaldo hadn’t even wanted to leave Jason alone in the penthouse without a guard.

“And anyway, he’s done this longer than you, and Sonny left you holding the bag for everything when you were only here a year,” Francis reminded Jason. “We can handle a week.”

“Yeah. I know.” Still, the discomfort itched at him. Things were quiet, but they didn’t feel calm. There was a difference — quiet could just mean everyone was holding their breath before all hell broke loose—and Jason had nearly canceled this trip a dozen times since planning it—

But Elizabeth had already put up with enough, he reminded himself. He’d made her promises of forever, then taken them back. He’d been cold and angry with her, wishing she’d give up. But she hadn’t, and she was still here, six months after another child had lost his life due to the world Jason lived in. He could never say Elizabeth didn’t know and accept the risks. She did, and she still wanted him.

And if Jason played his cards right — if the deals he’d put into motion over the summer held, then maybe there was a chance he could give her more. But until then, Jason was going to do whatever he could to make her happy. To keep the promise he’d made about this trip.

She deserved this week. She deserved Italy.

“All right.” Jason got to his feet. “Let me know if anything changes.”

“Got it, Boss.”

When they’d reached the hallway, Cody stopped and looked at Francis with a bit of confusion. “Does he really think no one knows who’s going with him? Vinnie and Dougie are good guys, but people are going to notice they’re on the Spencer kids.”

“Hell, the little one already looks like him,” Francis muttered. He checked the messages on his phone. “You haven’t been around this long enough, but it’s easier to just smile and nod when Jason does dumb shit like this. The world has known about Elizabeth Webber since she was eighteen. He lives in denial. It’s our job to smile and nod and keep her and the kids safe. He wants to be a moron, that’s on him.”

Spencer House: Living Room

Nikolas closed the door behind him, frowning when he saw his brother crouching behind the sofa. “What are you doing?”

“Making sure there’s nothing that Jake and Cam can shove in their mouths—” Lucky got to his feet, set the few bits and bobs he’d located on the side table. “Did you talk to the DA’s office?”

“Yeah. We’re finally making progress. Mostly because Baldwin left for California, something about a college trip for his daughter.” Nikolas ambled over to the mantel, picked up the photo they’d taken with their mother two years earlier — the only one of Laura with all three of her children. “Maybe a week or two. I want to get the papers signed before Baldwin gets back.”

“Have you thought about how we’ll tell Lu? She’s not going to be happy.”

“I’ve limited her visitors,” Nikolas said. He turned back to Lucky. “Nadine threatened to tell her when I went to the hospital yesterday, which I anticipated. She’s, uh, not happy with me.” He paused. “We’ll tell Lu after the wedding. When it’s a done deal. She’ll understand if it’s through the DA. I’m not worried about her — have you thought about telling Liz? She’s not going to be happy with you relocating to California.”

“She’s not going to have a choice either. I figure taking the boys next week will help soften her up.” Lucky folded his arms. “I’ll talk to her before she goes so that she can cool down while she’s gone, and we can figure out a schedule. Maybe the week after Christmas, something at Easter, and summers.”

Nikolas placed the photo back on the mantel but kept his eyes on it. “That’s enough for you?”

“It’ll have to be. I told you. Lu comes first. And if there’s a chance we get Mom back, too? I can’t pass that up. Elizabeth will understand. Eventually. She’s a great mother. I’m not worried about leaving the boys with her.”

Nikolas didn’t really understand that — he couldn’t imagine taking this next step without Spencer, but then again — “What if having you gone makes Jason change his mind?” He looked at his brother now, saw Lucky’s jaw clench.

“Maybe I worried about that before. But after Michael? No way. I’m sure wherever Elizabeth’s going, he’s going, too. But she refuses to tell me a single detail. They’re keeping it all secret to keep the boys safe, obviously. If Jason were on the fence, she’d say something to me.” Lucky shook his head. “No, I don’t think there’s any danger at all Jason’s going to change his mind about the boys. Michael was the last straw.”

“Well, I’m sure you know best. I’ll keep you in the loop with the DA’s office.”

Coffee House: Office

Cody knocked on the door, stuck his head in. “Hey, Jase. Elizabeth just pulled up in the parking lot, and we don’t have any customers out front, so, uh, if you want to help her in with the kids—”

Jason was out of the chair before Cody could finish the statement. He strode quickly through the empty dining area to the parking lot where Elizabeth was cautioning Cameron to stay at her side while she unfastened Jake’s seat belt.

“Jason!” Cameron’s face lit up, and he dashed towards the sidewalk. Jason scooped up the four-year-old and hugged him.

“I’m always happy to see you,” he told Cameron as they approached an irritated Elizabeth, “but what did your mother just tell you?”

Cameron hesitated, looked at his mother, then grinned. “Hi, Mommy.”

“Don’t smile at me, sir. And don’t look at him,” Elizabeth said sternly when Cameron turned the smile on Jason. “He can’t help you. What were you supposed to do?”

“I stay in one place. Right next to you. But, Mommy, Jason. You say Jason not a stranger. He is safe. You say.”

“I’m not worried about—what’s the rule in a parking lot?”

Cameron wrinkled his nose, then sighed. “Hold hand. But you need both for Jake.” When Elizabeth lifted his brows, he smiled again. “You are very pretty, Mommy. The prettiest of mommys.”

“Very pretty,” Jake said from his car seat. Jason tilted his head to the sky so that he could hide his smile.

“Cameron,” Elizabeth said, then sighed. “Never mind.” She leaned back into the car, unbuckled Jake, then set him on her hip, before closing the door. “He’s a master of finding loopholes. I have to stay eight steps in front of him.”

“There are worse problems to have,” Jason pointed out. He reluctantly set Cameron on his feet when they reached the sidewalk, and held the door open for the trio to go inside. He gripped the door tightly for just a minute, the yearning almost too much. He wanted every day to be like this. Being part of it. Having Jake look at him and know Jason was his father—

He swallowed hard, then went inside, letting the door close behind him. “Max and Diane are on their way, I hope it’s okay they’re not here yet.”

“No, it’s okay. We just picked Cam up at school. We don’t have anywhere else to be, and getting this power of attorney paperwork done is important for Italy.” Elizabeth smiled. “Hey, Cody.”

“Hey,” the other man said, pushing open the office door. “It’s good to see you. And hey, little dude.” He held out his hand, palm side out and Cameron slapped it, giggling. Not wanting to be left out, Jake held out his hand and Cody gave him a high five. He looked to Jason. “I’ll send Max and Diane back when they get here.”

“Yeah, thanks.” Jason frowned, closing the door. “When did the boys meet Cody?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth set Jake on the ground and handed the tote of toys to Cameron who started to dig in. “A few weeks ago. I had another flat, I think I ran over a nail.” She tipped her head. “And the SUV I pretend not to notice following me stopped. Cody was in it. He changed the tire, and, you know, Jake and Cam aren’t really afraid of strangers. I try to introduce them to any of your guys when I can. So they know they’re safe and if they see them out and need something—” Elizabeth hesitated. “Was that—should I not have—”

Jason shook his head. “No. No. I just—”

“I mean, I don’t want to think about it, but…last year when Michael went missing…I guess I just thought…if Jake and Cam saw the guards as good guys who could be trusted — I mean, only the guards I’ve seen outside the house. I just—”

“Sometimes I forget,” Jason said slowly, interrupting her, “how many of the people who’ve worked for Sonny all these years would know you.” He leaned against the desk, took her hand and drew her close. “And know your kids. It’s not exactly a secret that I have guards on you. After Jake was kidnapped—” He exhaled, shook his head. “Maybe it’s not as discreet as it should be, but I couldn’t take that chance again.”

“Me either.” Elizabeth straightened the collar of his shirt. “You’re dressed up again. Not another meeting?”

“City council,” he said with a sigh. “Permits. I had to answer questions.”

“Oh, your worst nightmare. Having to talk to politicians.” Elizabeth smiled, her fingers drifting to stroke his jaw. “But in two days, we’ll be in Italy. Just you and me.”

He caught her hand, brought it to his lips. “I can’t wait.”

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