I’m sorry that I hurt you
It’s something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That’s why I need you to hear
– The Reason, Hoobastank

---

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Spencer House: Kitchen

Sam stumbled into the kitchen, the door swinging closed behind her. She rubbed her face when she saw Lucky standing near the coffee pot, a mug in his hands. “Hey,” she asked warily. “When did you get in?”

“About an hour ago. I took a shower and made coffee.” Lucky took down another cup, handed it to her. “Sorry. I should have called.”

“Well, after Jason hung up on me, I figured your night wasn’t going the way you planned.” She poured the coffee, set the carafe back on the hot plate. “I thought about going to the hospital, but I wasn’t sure if that’d be a good idea or not.”

“I didn’t want to get into it on the phone.” Lucky leaned against the counter, studied her as she fixed her cup, pouring just a bit of cream into it, then swirling it with a spoon. “I thought I’d be able to talk her out of it.”

Sam’s brows drew together and she tilted her head. “Talk her out of what?”

“California. The ultimatum. It’s why I didn’t want to go through the courts. I thought I’d talk her into it. I mean, look at yesterday. She didn’t even want you to say hello to Cameron, and within five minutes, I had her let you put them in the car and watch them.”

“Okay. So—then what happened with Jason? Why did he even have your phone?”

“I figured I was the one with the power,” Lucky told her. “That I was the one agreeing to keep the secret, to raise Jake as my own. I was willing to do that, to stay in the picture. Pay child support,” he added. “So when I told her about California, I knew she’d be pissed, but that’s why I did it then. When she couldn’t do anything about it because it was either leave the boys with me or her grandmother—and she’d never do that to Audrey.”

“Lucky, you’re freaking me out. You didn’t answer the question—”

“I was wrong,” Lucky interrupted. “Turns out I was just along for the ride. Jason told the entire emergency room Jake was his son.”

Sam opened her mouth, then closed it. She shook her head. “I don’t understand—”

“I pushed it. I started to call you in front of him, and I guess Jason knew how Elizabeth feels about you being with the boys. That’s why he grabbed the phone. And I actually told him that no one was going to stop me.” Lucky laughed, the sound derisive and jarring. “I figured he’d been backing down over Jake for two years. But he, uh, didn’t back down. Not this time.”

Sam bit her lip. “Lucky—”

“I have a choice, Sam. The same choice Elizabeth gave me, but I think Jason means it. If I let you near the kids, he’s going to get Amelia involved.”

Her eyes went still, her fingers tightening around the cup. “What?”

“I knew Elizabeth wouldn’t do it. I knew I could talk her out of it. But I don’t know if I’d have that luck with Jason.”

“I—” Sam swallowed. “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be. This isn’t about you. Not really. Because if it’s not our relationship, it would be something else. Elizabeth was always going to hold this over my head at some point, and you know, I didn’t do myself any favors. I never adopted Cameron, we didn’t go through court to settle custody. Everything has been out of court.” He dumped the rest of the coffee in the sink.

“So—that just proves you’re trying to be a good guy. I’ll step aside, okay? I will,” Sam told him. “You’ll get custody, you’ll make it official and we’ll just—we’ll see what happens—”

“I’m still going to lose Jake,” Lucky said, and Sam stopped, pressing her lips together. “Nikolas said he’d get me a lawyer, and we’d fight. Maybe I’d get visitation, but I wouldn’t be his father. Jason’s not taking it back. Not this time.”

Lucky dragged a hand down his face. “I was up all night thinking about it. I made a list, pros and cons.” He dug a folded piece of paper out of his pocket, tossed it at her. Sam caught it.

“There’s—” She lifted her gaze to his. “There’s only one pro.”

“I’m the only father Cameron knows,” Lucky said. His lips curved into a smile. “That’s it. That’s all I got to recommend me, Sam. When you stack it up on the other side of that list—”

“Lucky—”

“I’m a recovering drug addict who didn’t bother to get clean until I thought I had a biological child on the way. I kept drugs in the home where Cameron lived. I left them in my pockets. I had two affairs—”

“Elizabeth did—”

“I pushed her. While she was pregnant. I didn’t know that yet, but I put my hands on her.”

Sam looked back at the list. “You wrote that. Emotionally and physically abusive. Shot at her while high on drugs.” She exhaled slowly, folded the paper, and set it aside. “I’m not on the list.”

“No, you’re not. But it’d just another nail in the coffin. I’m planning to move across country with a woman who stood by while my son was kidnapped, knew who had him, and said nothing.”

Her eyes shimmered with tears. “Lucky—”

“I forgave you for that. Didn’t you ever wonder why?” Lucky scooped his keys up from the counter. “Because neither of us are perfect and we’ve done terrible things to people we love. No one understands that better than I do.”

“Are—are you going back to work?” Sam asked, following Lucky from the kitchen into the living room.

Lucky picked up a blue and red duffel bag, then looped the strap of a matching one over his shoulder. “No, I’m taking the boys’ things to Audrey’s, and I’m booking a ticket to California. Today.”

“Lucky—”

“I could fight,” Lucky said, looking back at her. “And maybe I’d win a few battles. But you weren’t there last night, Sam. You didn’t see Jason. I’ll lose the war and be nothing more than a part-time father who sees them a few times a year, if that. No. Better to get out now.”

General Hospital: Chief of Staff’s Office

Patrick scrubbed his eyes, then flipped to another report, skimming for the information he needed to add to his own notes. He ignored his office phone the first time it rang, and the second.

Then his cell phone began to chirp, and Patrick recognized the tone as Robin’s. He snatched it up. “Hey. Are you okay? The baby—”

“I’m not in labor, so chill. What I am is worried. I woke up this morning and your side of the bed wasn’t touched. Did you come in last night at all?”

“No. No.” He rubbed his eyes. “I caught a few hours in the on-call room, but I wanted to be here in case Kate needed to go back into surgery or if there was a complication—”

“There are other neurosurgeons, Patrick, other people who could handle those cases. You need to sleep. You need to rest—”

He rose from his desk, crossed over to the window in his office that opened up to the interior of the hospital. From here, he could see the lobby, just beginning to bustle with activity as the hour drew closer to nine. Visitors, security, doctors, nurses, orderlies—the hospital’s day was just starting.

“I’m not handing Elizabeth’s case to someone else. There’s no one on the medical staff I trust enough with her. Maybe Monica,” Patrick added, “but she’s still on leave of absence.”

Robin was quiet for a long moment. “When I called last night, worried, you told me Elizabeth was fine. Was that a lie to get me to sleep?”

“No. No. She was. She is,” he added quickly when he heard her intake of breath. “It’s just—”

“You feel responsible for every single person in that building.” She muttered something he didn’t understand. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I need the selfish, narcissistic man I fell in love with to come back long enough for you to get eight hours of sleep.”

He grinned at that. “Too late for that, baby. I’m the man you made me.”

“You think you’re cute—”

“I know I am.” He paused. “But I hear you. I’ll come home for a nap.”

“Eight hours.”

“Six.”

“Eight.”

“This isn’t how negotiations work—”

“I’m not negotiating with your health, Patrick. Come home. The baby’s kicking, and she misses her daddy.”

“Oh. Oh, that’s mean.” Patrick rubbed his brow. “You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

“The same pain in the ass you fell in love with,” she sang. “I’ll see you in a half hour. Any more than that, I’m sending my uncle Mac to arrest you.”

“I actually believe you might. Okay, I’ll be home in a little while. I love you, pain in the ass.”

“I love you, too, selfish bastard.”

PCPD: Commissioner’s Office

Patrick and Lucky weren’t the only men in Port Charles running on little to no sleep. Not far away from the hospital, Mac Scorpio had watched the sun rise over the city and had grown increasingly frustrated as every new piece of news that came in about Kate Howard’s shooting revealed nothing but more questions.

“Ballistics isn’t final yet, but they did say that the ammunition was a bit interesting. The hospital sent over the bullet they dug out Kate Howard—” Harper dropped the report on his desk. “It’s a round of 7.62×39mm—they used to be known as .30 Soviets, but most people would know it as a 7.62 Soviet.”

“Russian?” Mac lifted his brow. “So we’re looking at Andrei Karpov?”

“Maybe, but it’s available worldwide and can be used in most light machine guns. It’s a little overkill for a single gunshot in a New York church.” Harper took a seat. “They don’t know if they’ll be able to match the gun if they find it. Bullet was pretty damaged.”

Mac grunted. “Okay, but Russian gives us something.”

“We sent another uniform to ask for the lawyer—Sasha—but all they’d tell us is she’s in Rochester and not available. And they wouldn’t confirm if Andrei Karpov was still in the country.”

“Wouldn’t matter. He didn’t pull the trigger. Sonny’s still in lock-up, isn’t he?” Mac sifted through other paper on his desk. “Has Diane been in to complain?”

“Actually…no. And she didn’t request a bail hearing until this morning. Sonny got arrested pretty early in the evening. She could have had one on the docket first thing. But the court didn’t get the request until an hour ago.”

Mac smirked, leaned back in his chair. “Jason wanted him left in jail overnight? That’s interesting.”

“More interesting to me is where Morgan spent the night. In the ICU room of Elizabeth Spencer—sorry, Webber. I heard she dropped her married name. Maybe Jason didn’t want to be distracted from that.” Harper squinted. “I read some gossip about them last year, but—”

“You haven’t been around Port Charles more than a few years. It wasn’t that long ago that Elizabeth was constantly mixed up with that crowd, going back to when she was eighteen and had a bomb put in her studio. Rumors have swirled about Jason and Elizabeth for almost a decade now. And I don’t know if you’ve seen her youngest son—the one Lansing asked about on the stand last year, but—”

“Oh, yeah? Well, hell. I guess it’s good Lucky got out when he did. That’s a bitch thing to do to a guy. Especially a cop. What kind of woman gets mixed up with gangsters when she’s married to a cop?”

Mac thought briefly of Felicia and her own flirtation with the other side of the law when they’d been married. “Be that as it may, it’s something we’ll have to factor into the investigation—the dynamics between Sonny and Jason,” he clarified. “Jason leaving Sonny to rot overnight in jail? Maybe there’s something there. Sonny’s going to look for blood with all of this. When he does get released, let’s see if we can get a uniform on him. I want to know where he goes and who he talks to.”

Hardy House: Living Room

Audrey Hardy had never been more relieved to see her granddaughter’s ex-husband on her front step. “Oh, thank goodness! I’ve been hoping to get over to the hospital since—” She stopped, registered the bag in his hand, and the matching one on his shoulder, both decorated with Cameron’s favorite superhero, Spiderman. She raised her eyes back to Lucky. “What’s going on? You were supposed to pick up the boys so that I could be with Elizabeth. I left several messages—”

“There’s been a change of plans.” Lucky stepped over the threshold. “They up?”

“No. Not yet. Lucky, those are the bags Elizabeth packed for your house. What—”

Lucky set them by the base of the stairs. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, Audrey. But I had some things come up. I told you about my sister—”

“Yes. How’s Lulu? Has she recovered—”

“No. And there’s a chance—” Lucky looked away, swallowed hard. “There’s a chance that maybe she won’t. They think she’s slipped away like my mother.”

“I’m so sorry, Lucky. I am. But I don’t see how that explains why you’re bringing Jake and Cameron’s things to my house. I know Elizabeth isn’t going away anymore, not with the accident—and speaking of that, why did Jason Morgan call me last night to tell me about the accident? I didn’t find out until my granddaughter was out of surgery—”

“Because Elizabeth is Jason’s problem now. I have to look after my family.”

“Lucky—”

“Nikolas and I wanted to get Lulu into a facility with the best doctors. Elizabeth should have told you. I was already planning to go to California to be close to her during her treatment—”

“This—” Audrey put up her hands. “I’m sorry. My head is spinning, and I feel as though we’re having several conversations at once.” She took a deep breath. “Yesterday, after the wedding and what happened to your sister, you asked me to look after the boys for a few hours while you sorted things out. I did so—gladly. And then hours later, when I’ve heard nothing from you, I learn that Elizabeth has been seriously injured in a car accident, and I can do nothing but hope for updates. Which came from Jason Morgan, not you. And now you’re talking about California as if you’re leaving—” She stared at the bags Lucky had left on her floor, then raised her flinty gaze at the man she’d known since he was an unruly child. “Lucas Lorenzo Spencer, Jr. Don’t you dare tell me that you’re leaving today. That you’re abandoning my grandchildren—your sons—at my home while their mother is in the hospital!”

Lucky hesitated, and Audrey thought she’d broken through. But then his expression hardened. “I know this seems sudden—”

“It doesn’t seem that way, it is that way! How dare you! What kind of father does this? What kind of man? My heart weeps for your sister, but Lesley Lu has another brother. Her own father, though he’s not worth much, I’ll grant you. Your aunt. She has family who can look after her. Those boys don’t have that kind of network of support. Are you even going to wait for Elizabeth to wake up? Or say goodbye to the boys—”

He turned away. “I have to do this for my sister. I was never there for my mother—”

“Don’t you walk out that door, Lucky. Don’t—” Audrey hurried to stop him, but Lucky was quicker, and she reached the front door just as he closed it in her face. She stared at it for a long time, her fist against her heart. Then turned to look at the stairs.

Cameron sat on the top step, his fist curled around the banister. “My daddy going away?”

“Oh, my sweet darling.” She cleared her throat. “Is your brother awake?”

“Still sleeping.” Cameron crept down the stairs, gingerly, his little hand clutching each railing as he descended. “Daddy bring my Spiderman bag. Mommy packed it so she can go to Tally.” He furrowed his brow. “Mommy say we stay with Daddy so she can see the lights. But Daddy leaves.”

Audrey sat on the third step, cuddled him to her side, pressing her lips against soft curls. “Yes, your father has gone for a while. But you won’t have to worry. I’ll be right here to hug you and look after you and your brother.” Cameron laid his head against her thigh, and Audrey exhaled shakily.

What on Earth was she to do now?

Jacks House: Hallway

Carly stopped in the doorway of Morgan’s bedroom, frowning when her son was nowhere to be found. She crossed the threshold, looked under the bed, then in the closet. Where could he hiding? Her chest tightened. Please just let him be hiding. Please.

“Morgan? Are we playing a game, and I didn’t know? It’s not fair to start hide and seek without giving Mommy a chance to count—”

She heard something move across the hall, in another room, and she returned to the hallway and saw now that Michael’s door was ajar. She went to it and slowly pushed it open. Inside, she found Morgan crouching in front of Michael’s toy box. He looked over, his dark eyes wide.

“I didn’t hurt it. I didn’t break it.”

“What do you mean? Why are you in here?” Carly walked forward and Morgan crawled out from behind the toy box and set down the toy he’d been playing with.

She knelt down, picked it up, her eyes filling. “Optimus Prime,” she murmured, running her fingers over the plastic toy of silver, blue, and red. “Michael asked for this toy for weeks before last Christmas.” He’d been so happy to find it under the tree, his smile so bright it could have powered the sun.

And he’d played with it every day during the winter holidays, eventually losing interest the way he usually did after obsessing over something. He’d have come back to it during spring break or the summer, Carly thought. He always did.

Except he never would again, would he?

“I just wanted to make it a truck.” Morgan’s lip quivered. “But I couldn’t figure it out. A-and Michael showed me but I don’t remember.”

Carly looked around the room, at the way it looked, so neat and orderly. Michael had cleaned it up before going to his father’s that day, and the maid came in every few days to dust and keep it perfect. As if the ten-year-old boy who lived in this room would come home someday.

“Can Michael show me when he wakes up?” Morgan asked. “Or will he be mad I came in his room. He always gets mad when I come here.”

“He won’t be mad, sweet heart. And we’ll—we’ll figure out how to make it into a truck. I think your brother would be happy that you’re playing with his toy. Come on. Let’s take it in your room and we’ll see if we can’t figure this out.” She held out her hand, and led Morgan out of the room.

Then closed the door.

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s ICU Room

Jason set the phone back on the receiver, then looked at Elizabeth’s pale, still face. She’d only woken for a few minutes late last night, then had fallen back asleep. The bruise on her cheek looked even worse this morning than it had the night before. A head injury. Concussion, internal bleeding. How close had he been to losing her?

And now when she woke up, he’d have to tell her what he’d done, what he’d said to Lucky. He really wasn’t looking forward to that conversation.

He jerked when he felt the hand on his shoulder, looking around wildly—then relaxing when he realized it was just Robin. “Sorry. Sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” She rubbed his shoulder for another moment, then watched Elizabeth sleep. “She looks like hell. No wonder Patrick didn’t leave last night.”

“What?” Jason blinked. He sat up, then stood, offering the heavily pregnant woman the chair. He held her elbow as she sat down. “Why didn’t Patrick leave?”

“He said he was worried about her. The head injury.” Robin winced, then readjusted herself, rubbing her belly. “He’s home now. As soon as he nodded off, I decided to come down.” She smiled slightly. “I thought he’d feel better if I told him Elizabeth had someone watching over her, but I guess I didn’t have to worry with you on the case.”

Jason leaned against the radiator under the window, watching Elizabeth sleep. “I was in the emergency room when they brought her in. I don’t—” He took a deep breath. “I thought the day couldn’t get any worse, and then somehow it did. Because none if it matters without her.”

“I’d say I missed something, but I have to admit, Jase, I’ve had some questions since last summer. Since she testified. Jake looks just like you. You forget,” Robin added when Jason sighed, “I’ve been around for a long time. I’ve seen your pictures from childhood. That boy is your twin.”

“Elizabeth said the same thing. Emily had mentioned it to her, about the pictures. I don’t—I don’t know what to say to you. To anyone.”

“You don’t have to say anything to me, Jason. I wish I understood why the world thinks Jake is Lucky’s son when I know how much you loved being a father. And what an amazing one you are. Maybe I don’t get to comment on that since…well, I’m sort of the reason—”

“You’re not. You’re not,” Jason repeated when Robin made a face. “I was—I was so furious with you. I couldn’t see straight.” He focused back on Elizabeth. “But that went away eventually. And I know now you made the right choice.”

“No, I made the spiteful, vindictive choice to burn the world down as I walked away. The right choice would have been telling you from the start that I wasn’t going to play along. That I wouldn’t help raise a child that had been conceived while you and I were together. That I wasn’t going to be part of keeping Carly in my life in any way.” Robin’s smile was thin. “But we were young, Jason. And we both made mistakes. I just…I just hope you’re not making one now, staying out of Jake’s life.”

“I’m not—” Jason paused. “I don’t know what happens when Elizabeth wakes up, but I think I’ve pretty much sabotaged the whole secret thing.”

“Hanging out in her ICU room will do that, yeah, but—well, there’s still Lucky. Does he know?”

“It’s a long story, Robin, but yeah.”

“I know it’s none of my business, but we both know that rarely stops me.” She smiled, and he couldn’t help the curve of his own lips.

“No, you never could keep your opinion to yourself. Even when it would have made your life easier.”

“You’re not kidding.” Robin’s expression sobered. “I’ve always cared about you, and Elizabeth has become one of my favorite people. And she matters to Patrick. He loves her. It’s the first woman he’s ever been friends with,” she added. She looked around. “I’m surprised Audrey isn’t here. Did I miss her?”

“She’s with the boys. Lucky, um, dropped them off last night when he heard about Lulu.”

“Oh. He didn’t pick them back up? I mean, Lulu’s stable, and I’d think Audrey would want to be here—” When Jason grimaced, looked away, Robin pressed, “Jason? I know that face. What’s wrong?”

“I…” He winced. “Stopped Lucky from sending Sam to pick up the boys, and announced Jake was my son to the entire emergency room.”

Robin opened her mouth, but Jason continued. “Elizabeth didn’t want Sam around the boys, so I told Lucky I’d get Diane to file to stop him. He could choose Sam or the boys.”

“You—” Robin closed her mouth, took a moment, and then with a quick shake of her head, said, “You made him choose?”

“Audrey just called. Lucky, uh, apparently decided. He’s leaving for California this morning. He dropped the boys’ luggage at the house and left.”

Robin’s mouth dropped open. “What?”

Metro Court: Restaurant

He fussed with the napkin at the table, waiting for the call to connect. He grimaced when the voicemail picked up.

“Hello, my friend. I have some thoughts on how we should proceed—” he paused, spying his breakfast partner stepping off the elevator. “I can’t speak now, but we should make use of those connections we spoke off. Get in touch.”

“Business?” his brother asked, sitting across from him, whipping the napkin off the table and into his lap in one graceful swoop. “You’re not going to do anything that gets me arrested again, are you?”

“Why, brother—” Jerry Jacks smiled, tipping his head. “You speak as though I drag you into my messes frequently.”

“Once,” Jax said, “was enough. Are you ready to order?”

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