A world that sends you reelin’
From decimated dreams
Your misery and hate will kill us all
So paint it black and take it back
Let’s shout it loud and clear
Defiant to the end, we hear the call
– Welcome to the Black Parade, My Chemical Romance

---

Monday, September 29, 2008

General Hospital: ICU

Jason stepped off the elevators, hesitating when he saw Audrey Hardy at the nurse’s station. “Mrs. Hardy. How are you?”

“I’m well, thank you. I was hoping you might have a few minutes to speak with me. Perhaps we might get a cup of coffee? I think we ought to have some time to get to know one another. Particularly since we may be sharing a residence for the foreseeable future.”

“Ah. Yeah. Okay.” Jason stepped back, indicated she should precede him to the elevator. He pressed the button. He didn’t know what to say, how to convince Elizabeth’s grandmother to throw away more than a decade of mistrust and suspicions to move into his home, to entrust him with her great-grandchildren. But whatever he came up with, he hoped it would be enough.

He asked her to wait at a table in the hospital cafeteria, to get the coffee himself, buying more time. And yet, even after he’d placed the drink in front of Audrey, Jason still had nothing.

“This is terribly awkward,” Audrey admitted, and she took a deep breath—and Jason realized she was just as nervous as he was, which was oddly comforting. “I spent the last thirty minutes planning what I wanted to say to you, from the moment Elizabeth suggested all of this to me, and yet, I find myself at a loss where to begin.”

“I understand that. I think—” Jason waited for a beat. “I know it might be hard to believe, but Elizabeth, Cameron, and Jake are the most important people in my life. I love them and having them in my life is the only thing I want.”

“I do believe that. I might not have prior to this weekend,” Audrey admitted, “but I think we can both agree that our worldviews have been shaken. I had thought Lucky to be a decent father, though a terrible husband. I thought you were a mistake in Elizabeth’s past that she regretted and from which she had moved on.” She wrapped both hands around the blue and white disposable cup. “It is humbling to realize how much of my granddaughter’s life that she felt she had to hide from me.”

“Some of that—”

“If you are about to take the blame for that, Mr. Morgan, then I think you do yourself an injustice.”

Jason closed his mouth, then frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“Elizabeth decided a very long time ago that I was not to know the deepest parts of her. That I could not have access to her true feelings. I was cut out of the most important aspects of her life. She thought she could not trust me to listen to her, to support her, to respect her choices.” Audrey smiled faintly. “She would have been correct, of course. At every turn, I have disappointed her. It will be the greatest regret of my life to know that the girl I was given the blessing to raise, to guide into adulthood, that I failed so terribly.”

“Elizabeth loves you—”

“She does, and it’s to her credit that I have this chance to correct my course before it’s too late. Even if I had not begun to revise my opinion of you, I would agree to her request to stay with you temporarily. Because I never want to be in the position that I was in on Sunday. To feel so ignorant of what Elizabeth was facing—” Audrey paused, collected herself. “You took the time to communicate with me. To include me. And I don’t know if you sent Carly and Bobbie to me with the offer for the boys to stay with Carly—”

“I didn’t. That came from Carly.”

“Ah, well, likely Carly reached out because of her connection to you. In any case—I did not hear about the accident from a member of the police department. I did not hear from Lucky. Instead, he came to my doorstep with suitcases that I know he had never unpacked, bags Elizabeth had given him for their children, and he dropped them in front of me like garbage.”

Jason clenched his jaw, looked away. He’d known the bare facts, but he hadn’t thought about what Audrey had gone through. Her perspective. “I’m sorry.”

“So am I. Lucky left those children without a second thought. He did not wait for them to wake up, to talk to them, to say goodbye. He simply left. And I just—” She made a fist, took a deep breath. “Oh, it broke my heart. I wondered if this was the man Elizabeth had seen, if this was the Lucky she’d been dealing with, and I wondered if maybe I had simply ignored it. If I had looked past it.” Audrey cleared her throat. “And once I realized that everything I had believed about Lucky was false, I knew that I had to see you with new eyes. To look past what I’d heard or believed, and really give you a chance. To find what Elizabeth clearly has known from the beginning.”

“I—” Jason leaned back. He hadn’t expected any of that. “I’m sorry. I’m just—I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s perfectly fair. My judgment is still forming, and I’m looking forward to getting to know you better. I welcome the opportunity to look after Elizabeth, Jake, and Cameron while she recuperates, and I can understand why that would be better at your residence, though I imagine we won’t speak of why that is.” Audrey tipped her head. “Because, Mr. Morgan—Jason, if I may—Elizabeth, Jake, and Cameron are the most important people in my life, too, and I think as long as that’s true for both of us, we’ll do just fine.”

She cleared her throat. “I appreciate you giving me this opportunity to clear the air, to set the tone, so to speak. And in that regard, there’s another matter—something I haven’t spoken with Elizabeth about yet, and I don’t know if I should. I’d like your opinion as to whether or not I should.”

“Sure. Sure. Anything.”

“It’s about Cameron.”

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Johnny was relieved when Nadine was the first face he saw after stepping off the elevator. He headed over to the counter, but she came out and met him halfway. “Hey. Listen. I got your text. You said they’re moving her today?”

“Yeah, but wait—” Nadine reached out, took him by the elbow. “But listen, I sort of pissed Nikolas off a little bit, so maybe you don’t mention I tipped you off, okay?”

Johnny hesitated, then frowned at her. “What happened?” Then he remembered and winced. “Oh, damn—I didn’t even think about it. You and Nikolas, you were dating, weren’t you? That’s why he told you he was going to California.”

“I mean, dating is apparently a strong word for what we were,” Nadine muttered. “I certainly thought we were dating, but I guess I was just a convenient bed buddy—” Her cheeks flushed, and she shook her head. “That’s not important, okay? I just—he’s not exactly happy with me, so any chance you have at seeing Lu before—”

“I don’t care about that—well, no, I do. But he’s an asshole if that’s how he broke up with you, and if he wants to be pissed you’re keeping me in the loop about my girlfriend who would want me here if she—” He closed his mouth, just shook his head. “She’d want me here,” he said grimly. “And she’d be angry about what Nikolas is doing. And how he’s treating you. She likes you—”

“I like her, too. And I hate how all of this is happening. I hate what’s happened to Lulu so much, Johnny. All of this is so unfair, and—” Nadine stopped, making a face. “Damn it. Damn it. I meant to be gone—”

“I don’t know what you’re doing here,” Nikolas said coolly, and Johnny turned to find the Cassadine prince at the desk. “But Nadine wasted her time in calling you.”

“On Saturday, you seemed like a decent human being,” Johnny retorted. “You said you’d call for me if she asked for me. You said you didn’t blame me—why the hell can’t I just say goodbye—”

“I told you not to waste your time waiting for her,” Nikolas finished. “And that’s exactly what this is. She doesn’t know you’re here, Johnny. She doesn’t know any of this is happening—” He looked at Nadine for a long moment, then back at Johnny. “But even if all that weren’t true, it doesn’t matter. She’s already gone.”

“What—” Johnny took a step towards Nikolas. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that I just watched her being loaded onto the patient elevator.” Nikolas waited for a beat. “I intend to keep my promise. If my sister recovers—”

“When she recovers,” Johnny cut in.

Nikolas looked away, and some of the arrogance melted away and he suddenly looked tired, beaten down. “I pray to God that’s true. But my mother—she slipped away just this quickly. We could get her to come back, but she’d just keep drifting until one day, one last trigger—and she went inside herself. She’s never come back. Six years,” he murmured. He rubbed his cheek. “I don’t know. I wish I’d acted more quickly. Done more. And maybe, for that, I do blame you.” He looked at Johnny. “Just like Luke. You kept Lulu away to save yourself, even when she was struggling. He kept my mother away at a crucial moment when she might have been saved. Just two selfish men trying to play hero to a woman they sacrificed for their own ego. I couldn’t save my mother from Luke Spencer, and now I’ve lost my sister because of you.”

“That’s not fair, Nikolas—” Nadine protested.

Johnny swallowed hard. There was nothing he could say to that. It was true, wasn’t it? He’d taken Lulu on the run, so sure that he was doing the right thing. But it had been the worst thing. Could coming clean earlier have saved her?

“At any rate, it doesn’t matter. If she recovers, if she wakes up, and she asks for you, I promise you I will be so relieved that I’ll give her whatever she asks. For all our sakes, I hope that day comes. But until it does, I don’t recommend waiting around. It’s not—” Nikolas grimaced. “It’s not what Lu would have wanted for you. For any of us.”

Nikolas strode to the elevator, pressed the button, looked once more at the pair. “She’d hate what we’re doing,” he said to Nadine, and Johnny looked at the blonde, her eyes shimmering. “You’ve got it right on that. I hope she kicks my ass for doing this. But by God, if this works, then it’ll be worth it.”

He stepped on the elevator, turned around to face them, and then the doors closed.

Johnny sighed, looked to Nadine—then blinked. She was gone—he caught her dashing away towards the service stairs. After a moment, he followed.

General Hospital: Cafeteria

The conversation had gone better than Audrey had hoped for, and she thought she might understand what Elizabeth had meant all those years ago when she’d talked about the way Jason had listened to her, and how that had helped.

“I understood from my conversation with Elizabeth that she is very disappointed in how Lucky handled all of this. Until then, she hadn’t told me that Lucky had initially refused to even take the boys for this week.” Audrey finally sipped the coffee, took the moment. “It’s baffling to me that he never asked for more time. That he seemed content with haphazard weekends and the occasional overnight. But he told me he had to go, had to look after his family.” She looked up, found Jason’s eyes on hers. “His family, he told me, as if his sons weren’t asleep upstairs. I understand what’s going on with his sister but, my God, it just—” She stopped.

Her throat was tight, and she had to force the words out. “He doesn’t consider those precious angels part of his family. And I wish that was the worst thing that happened that day. But, oh, Jason—” She leaned forward. “Cameron was on the stairs. I never saw him until Lucky was gone. But he was there. And he looked so devastated. And asked me if his daddy was going away.”

“Cameron—” Jason rubbed his mouth, looking away for a long moment. “Cameron heard this?”

“I don’t know how long, but he certainly knew enough that his father was leaving him. That he was going away. I know he’s not quite five—”

“But he knows something isn’t right,” Jason said, and Audrey nodded. “Kids always know. They might not understand the details, but they can feel the tension in the room. The anger.”

“Oh. Oh, yes, you’ve hit it exactly.” And her estimation of Jason went up another notch. “I wasn’t entirely sure how to phrase it, but that’s precisely what I felt. Now, he’s bounced back because his brother is so happy and sweet, and he’s had Morgan. But I worry that he heard it, that he’ll realize his father left, and I just—I hesitate to tell Elizabeth because she’s already so upset over everything else, and well, I can’t imagine it would be news to her how Lucky feels about the boys.”

“No. No, it wouldn’t. I don’t—” Jason looked away again, was quiet for another moment. “It’s hard to hear that Cameron overheard any part of what I’m sure was an angry conversation. I know it would upset Elizabeth, but she has to know. Cameron’s her son. We can’t—we shouldn’t protect her from anything she might need to know to help him through this. I—you’ve talked to Elizabeth. You know that I want a life with her. And that’s always included the boys.”

“She said so yes, and she’s told me that the boys know you. They’ve spent some time with you.” Audrey tipped her head. “You’re doing an excellent job of masking just how furious you are, and that’s commendable. I’m not sure I did as well when I spoke to Cameron that day.”

“I don’t understand how Lucky could have been given that chance, the opportunity to be their father, and not want it. Not—” Jason shook his head. “Elizabeth and I—we made a decision that we wanted Jake to have a family. I wanted him to have his brother and his mother all the time. I wanted him to have normalcy. But it was a mistake. Because kids don’t care about any of that. They know when their parents love them. When the people in their lives are happy. And when they’re not. I let myself forget that. I won’t make that mistake again.” He met Audrey’s eyes. “I’m Jake’s father, and that’s what I’m going to be. I respect that Cameron sees Lucky as his father, and I’m not going to force myself into that role. But I’ve always loved him, and I promise you, I won’t waste this chance.”

“No, I don’t think you will. And you’re right, of course. I want to protect Elizabeth from one more harsh truth, but she is Cameron’s mother, and she’ll need all the information in order to guide him through this next phase. I am very glad she’ll have you by her side while she does so. That they all do.”

General Hospital: Kate’s Hospital Room

Already in a rotten mood, Maxie stopped at the threshold when she saw the look Olivia’s face, and the matching expression on Jax’s. Damn it. What did she do this time? “Is there something on my dress?” She looked around. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Did you talk to Sonny and tell him about Kate’s case? Without my permission?” Olivia demanded, getting to her feet.

Maxie shot Jax a hot look. “We had a deal!”

“Sonny and I had a deal. He broke it. Olivia caught him sneaking in earlier, so there had to be consequences.” Jax leaned back, shrugged.

“I didn’t do anything—” Maxie shot back, hot tears burning her eyes. She stomped her foot. “What is wrong with you, you psycho?” she hurled at Olivia. “Don’t you even care what I’m going through?”

“No, actually, I don’t. I care about protecting my cousin—”

“Oh, never mind. You’re basically a monster, and I’m so sick of pretending to give a damn what you think.” Maxie dismissed her, glared at Jax. “For your information, Lulu was transferred today. She’s gone. Did you even know that? She had a breakdown, okay? And when I wasn’t in here, I was sitting with her, and I’ve had, like, no time, okay? This awful for everyone, not just you! Kate is going to be devastated when she wakes up and finds out what happened to Lulu—”

“Lulu. The blonde from the wedding?” Olivia asked, looking at Jax. “What’s going on?”

Jax sighed and some of his disdain had melted. “It was…a difficult summer for Lulu. For Maxie, as well,” he admitted, and Maxie just sniffed. “Maxie was attacked in the Crimson offices. Lulu stopped it—she killed the attacker. It was self-defense, but Lulu—she struggled with it, mentally. It was her ex-boyfriend,” Jax admitted. “She had a breakdown and was recuperating. Seemed to be on the mend before the wedding. And then, well—”

“She’s gone, okay? Her mind just shut down, and we can’t get her back,” Maxie finished. “And I get to tell Kate all about it when she wakes up, but that doesn’t matter to you, does it?”

“I didn’t—” Olivia looked to Maxie, and some warmth came into her eyes. “I didn’t know.”

“You didn’t care. You don’t care about any kind of life Kate had here, just what you want for her, okay? Lulu’s messed up because she tried to help me, and I thought this wedding would be good for her. She was doing so well, and I picked out her dress, and she was happy—” Maxie looked away, her throat tight. She pressed a fist to her mouth, then looked at Olivia. “Kate liked her, too. Did everything she could to make Lulu a part of this. And just like that, Lu’s gone. Okay? Just gone. And maybe she never comes back, and now you’re threatening to take Kate away from me just because I told her fiancée she was stable. What is wrong with both of you? Do you hate Sonny so much you’re going to take it out on me?”

“All right, maybe we both should just take a step back here—” Olivia began, rubbing her forehead.

“Maybe you should take a step back all the way to Bensonhurst because I am sick of doing this. I’m done.” And with that, Maxie stormed out.

General Hospital: Roof

Nadine burst through the door, but then there was nowhere else to go — just the edge of the roof with the drop to the ground beyond it. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to lose herself in the sounds of Port Charles, the traffic below, the rush of the wind as it whipped around the hospital building.

She heard the door behind her, but Nadine didn’t look to see who it was. She didn’t care. She just wanted the world to go away, to stop thinking about all of it—

“You okay?”

Nadine jerked her eyes open to find Johnny sitting on the edge of the roof, reclining against the flat stone lip. “You should be careful where you sit,” she said dully.

Johnny raised his brows, twisted, and leaned so that he looked over the edge. Nadine hissed, yanked at his sleeve. “I know how to keep my balance. You didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m fine.” She released his sleeve, stepped back and folded her arms again. “It’s just been a tough couple of days.” Weeks. Months.

“Yeah, I hear that.”

“Do you ever feel cursed?” Nadine asked. “Like everything you touch turns to dust and dirt and nothing?”

Johnny tipped his head. “Do you not remember what my last name is?”

“That’s your family.” Nadine sat next to him, angling sideways — she wasn’t so cavalier about sitting with her back to the rest of the world. “I’m talking about you—”

“My father was jealous of how much my mother loved me,” Johnny cut in. “He wanted all her attention on him, so he decided to get rid of me. But my mother wasn’t really on board with that. She stepped in front of the bullet. I was five, by the way. So yeah, hard not to feel cursed when that’s your first memory.”

He stared straight ahead while recounting the story, his eyes locked on the metal fire escape across from them. Nadine exhaled slowly. “I don’t remember my mother. Or my father. Aunt Raylene used to say that some people weren’t meant to be parents, and somehow they were the same people who were more fertile than a rabbit.” She smiled faintly. “Her language was a little more colorful, but you get the point. Mama never married Daddy, and he stuck long enough to make me and Jolene, but I’m told he was gone before the ink dried on the birth certificate, and Mama followed him before I blew out my first birthday candles.”

“Jolene. That’s the sister who—”

“Took money to cause a little trouble here at the hospital. Mostly when doctors and nurses kill their patients, they’re pretending to be angels of mercy or just straight-out sociopaths. Not Jolene. She always liked the way cash felt in her hand—” Nadine held out her palm. “Nothing’s feels as cool and crisp as a fifty, Deene, don’t you know? I’m gonna get mine, you just wait and see.”

She blew out air. “But that’s not as bad as knowing your daddy killed your mama, so I’m sorry, Johnny. That shouldn’t be your first memory. Kids deserve better. Maybe I should go back to working in pediatrics,” she said with a sigh. “But then I’d just bring my luck with me, and those kids have enough problems.”

“Back to that curse thing?” Johnny said. He looked at her. “Because of a breakup?”

“Just add it to the list of catastrophic disasters I’ve been involved in. Got to Port Charles, and well, there was the Black and White Ball,” she said, which made him wince since she’d been attacked by Anthony who thought she was Lulu. “Then Diego tried to kill me. I thought things were a little more quiet, but well—”

“You got involved with my little problem,” Johnny said, and she wrinkled her nose. “Yeah.”

“I did the right thing. I have no regrets, even if I did get hauled off to jail for my troubles.” She shook her head. “Then there was the clinic. It burnt down with me in it, and Nikolas said it was exhausting to know me, which I know he didn’t mean the way I took it, but well, there you are. But I had my job, you know? And I was good at it. Then I got put in the ICU last week and I lost two patients. One after another. Then all of this with Lulu, which just upsets me because it’s so unfair. And, yeah, maybe because of Nikolas. I don’t think it was soulmate love, but I thought I meant something to him.”

Nadine fisted her hands in her lap. “It just feels like a dark cloud is over my head and has been ever since I got here. I don’t know why I thought I could make up for what Jolene did.” She took a deep breath. “But there’s no point in feeling sorry for myself. I have good things, you know. My job here. And well, I guess I still have Jolene, even if she’s in a coma and isn’t ever gonna wake up.” She made a face.

“You could have my sister,” Johnny quipped, and Nadine smiled again, though it was a little more genuine.

“Yeah, I think I’ll keep the comatose sister.” Nadine got to her feet. “I should get back to work. Thanks for keeping me company while I felt sorry for himself. It was awfully nice of you to come after me when I know you’re having your own problems.”

“Don’t go giving me too much credit,” Johnny said, following her to the door and holding it open for her. “I just wanted to think about someone other than myself for a little while.”

“Well, you did a good job. Thank you.” She flashed him a hesitant smile. “You should let me return the favor sometime.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

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