I’m looking for a place
I’m searching for a face
Is anybody here I know
‘Cause nothing’s going right
And everything’s a mess
And no one likes to be alone
Isn’t anyone trying to find me?
Won’t somebody come take me home?
– I’m With You, Avril Lavigne

---

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason closed the door behind him, slid the deadbolt across, then dropped his keys on the desk. He scanned the darkened room — there were little pieces of evidence that the penthouse was no longer inhabited only by him and Spinelli. A playpen had been moved into the corner by the windows, with a large cotton bag sitting next to it, toys spilling over the top.

The boys were home — Jason had picked them up from Carly after he’d left the coffee house and had brought them to Audrey, staying long enough to grab Johnny and Nadine and deliver them to the airport for their flight. He’d waited until they were safely on board, then departed. Now that the pair was in the air to Las Vegas, they were no longer his problem. He’d kept them out of sight while the dust from the shooting had settled, and now it would be up to them to keep their ruse straight and stay out of trouble.

He’d step in if it looked like Anthony was going to do something to Nadine, but Johnny had been smart to tie them together — unless Anthony had lost his mind again, he wouldn’t rock the boat by going after Johnny’s wife. Not with the double shootings still under investigation.

Jason had to rely on Trevor and Ric Lansing to keep Anthony under control — not a prospect he enjoyed, but just one more thing he didn’t have a choice about. Not with everything else that had happened since the wedding. Since this morning.

But the day was finally over. The sun had sunk below the horizon on the lake hours ago, and it was almost midnight. Time to let it go. If he could.

He climbed the stairs to the second floor, taking just a moment to open the door to the converted guest room.

Between the toddler bed and crib, there was a night light on the table leaving the room dimly lit. Cameron lay on his back, the sheets kicked off, half off the bed, the other half twisted under his body. Jason carefully adjusted it, tucking him back in before turning to the crib where sixteen-month-old Jake was also sleeping on his back, his mouth slightly parted.

It seemed almost like a strange dream, Jason thought, returning to the doorway and taking another moment to look back at the two boys fast asleep, safe and secure in Jason’s home. Not so long ago, he’d given up on ever having any real contact with his son, on being part of Cameron’s life. Michael’s tragedy had robbed him of that dream. Even with the changes Jason had made, part of him had never really truly believed he’d ever be able to bring them home.

And now, the penthouse was the only piece of Jason’s world that did feel safe. He’d tucked away nearly all the people left in the world that mattered to him. Elizabeth, her boys, Spinelli, and he’d dragged Elizabeth’s poor grandmother along for the ride. Audrey Hardy was essential to the people Jason loved, so she’d become essential to him.

Carly was across town, but her home was as safe as any could be — practically a fortress protecting her and Morgan. But that was it, Jason thought almost bleakly. The list ended there. So many others were gone now. Emily. Michael. And now Sonny.

Couldn’t really think about that yet. Had to keep moving forward. Jason turned away and headed for the last door down the hall, the master bedroom.

General Hospital: ICU Elevators

Spinelli carefully set his laptop bag down on the side table, then sat on the sofa next to Maxie who was curled up in a corner, her elbow propped on the arm of the sofa, her fist pressed against her mouth. “Maximista, you should really go home. Get some sleep.”

“Yeah, I know. I mean to, but—” she looked at him, her eyes red. “It’s just a lot, you know. I kept focusing on Kate waking up because I thought that would solve everything. Kate would know what to do. She’d make that horrible woman go away, she’d let Sonny come see her, and I don’t know—maybe I even thought she’d be able to fix Lulu.”

She sniffled, looked at the tissue crumbled in her other hand. “And Kate asked me, she asked me when does it stop? And I can’t answer that. It never seems to. It just goes on and on. The deaths. They never stop.” Her voice cracked, and she swallowed hard. “Jesse was shot in the head. You weren’t around—”

“The Jackal is aware of him. The ever Faithful Georgie told his tale.” Spinelli reached for her hand, set the tissue aside, then wrapped his fingers around hers. “The Jackal is sorry that such woe has fallen upon such undeserving shoulders.”

“I don’t know about undeserving,” she muttered. “There’s a reason you used to call me the Bad Blonde One. Maybe it’s me. Maybe I bring the death. Jesse and Georgie and Cooper and Logan—”

“The Glacial One hasn’t left the mortal plane, and well, Mr. Sir isn’t your responsibility, either—”

“But I could have done more. I could always do more. Or the right thing. I wanted to keep my job. I needed it. I needed my access, so I shut Sonny out, but maybe I could have done more. He came here, Sonny, I mean. He came to the hospital today, and Kate was awake. But I forgot to tell her Olivia blocked Sonny at the lobby, so he never got past the elevators. If I’d told her, she’d have changed that—” Her mouth quivered. “And I wouldn’t have had to tell her what happened. I could have done more.”

“Perhaps but Mr. Sir might have just had the tragedy befall him later, at another time. He was rather reckless, and the Jackal knows it has stressed Stone Cold to no end having to account for his unpredictability.”

“Maybe I could delayed it then. Maybe Kate would have had a chance.” Maxie let her feet fall to the ground, forced herself to smile at him. “But maybe you’re right. Maybe all of this was always going to happen. I just—I wish Lulu had been here. She’d have known what to do.”

“I also wish the Blonde One was with us,” he said. “But until she returns, the Jackal fears it’s just you and me.” He got to his feet, held out a hand. “Let me give you a ride home.”

“Yeah, okay. Will you stay with me tonight?” Maxie asked, looping her purse over her shoulder. “I don’t—I don’t want to be alone.”

“Anything for you, Maximista.” Spinelli put his arm around her and walked her towards the elevators.

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Elizabeth heard the door close down the hall. She planted her elbows on the mattress and grimaced, lifting her upper body slightly so that she wasn’t lying flat on her back anymore. When Jason opened the door and saw her, his eyes widened, and he rushed forward. “You shouldn’t be sitting up—”

“It’s—” she winced. “It’ll be fine—can you—a pillow or something—”

Jason put a pillow behind her, giving her another source of support. “Your grandmother thought you’d sleep through until morning,” he said, sitting on the edge of the bed next to her.

“Mmm, I asked her not to give me another sedative—I know when I’m being drugged,” she added, and he sighed. “I don’t need to sleep, Jason. I need answers.”

He stared down at the carpeted floor, his fingers almost digging into the mattress. His shoulders were tight, tense. “I know.”

“I had more surgery,” Elizabeth said. “But you checked me out of the hospital — with help.” She gestured at the IV still in her arm, at the metal stand next to the bed where a bag of fluids was half filled. “Epiphany gave me pain meds herself — and a sedative strong enough that I didn’t even know I was leaving the hospital.” She bit her lip. “And my grandmother is cooperating with it. That tells me something is really wrong. I should have been in the hospital for another two or three days. Minimum. Whatever is happening, it’s bad, isn’t it?”

“It could be,” Jason said finally. He looked at her. “But you’re safe here. You and the boys. I promise. I never would have brought you here otherwise. Or your grandmother.”

“I never doubted that.” She touched his arm—the muscles beneath his shoulder were almost like stone to the touch. “I know we talked about all of this before—before whatever happened to me today. I know we were planning this, and that Gram was going to come. I just don’t understand why it had to happen now. This way.” She lifted her wrist to emphasize the IV.

“I guess maybe I’m just…I’ve been unconscious for a lot of this, you know. I feel like my head is spinning, and every time I wake up, something dreadful has happened. First, Lucky took off to California, and dumped the boys on Gram, and then…” Her voice faltered. “Sonny? How is he?”

“They don’t—” Jason tilted his face to the ceiling. “Patrick didn’t want to say it, but he doesn’t expect Sonny to wake up. There’s another surgery in a few days, but…”  He shook his head. “He went after Johnny on the pier, and there was…it was self-defense,” he said slowly. “Johnny came to me. He wanted me to know. To protect Nadine. She was with him, so she was a witness,” he added.

And how terrible it must have been for Jason to agree — to offer protection to the man responsible for putting Sonny in a hospital bed, even if Johnny had only been protecting himself and Nadine. Elizabeth stroked his shoulder, wishing she could take him in her arms, hold him tight. But she couldn’t.

There was more to all of this, of course, because what had happened with Johnny and Sonny didn’t explain why Elizabeth had been whisked out of the hospital, almost certainly with both Epiphany and Patrick’s approval. But maybe it was enough for the night. If she was overwhelmed by how much she’d missed while unconscious, how would it have felt to have lived through every minute of the last few days?

“What can I do?” she asked, and he looked at her again, his eyes hard to read in the dimly lit room. “What do you need from me?”

“I just…I want to lay down, close my eyes, and wake up next to you in a few hours,” he admitted, and she smiled.

“Well, that’s something I can handle. Get changed, and we’ll both try to get some sleep.” She clutched at his shirt then, pulling him towards her. Jason dipped his head down, kissed her lightly. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Las Vegas, Nevada

Las Vegas Boulevard

Nadine stepped out of the taxi, casting her eyes dubiously at the little wooden building in front of her, before turning back to look at the Strip, all lit up with bright, flashing signs. “This is the place?”

“Yeah.” Johnny shoved some cash at the cab driver. “The guy at the airport said it did 24-hour weddings, and it’s across from the Mandalay—” he gestured absently at the large building across the street and down the block a little — a towering white building with its name etched into the exterior.

They’d stopped at the Marriage License Bureau on the way in from the airport — which was, according to the sign, open until midnight every day of the year, and then Johnny had given the driver a new address. And now here they were, in front of a wooden church that looked like it had been ripped from an episode of Green Acres or Beverly Hillbillies — or one of Aunt Rayleen’s other favorite Western television shows from Nick at Nite.

“You ready?” Johnny asked, holding out a hand.

“I thought I was,” she murmured. A four-and-a-half-hour flight, another thirty minutes in the airport — then twenty more to get to the chapel — she’d been numb, maybe. Or not ready to confront the insanity of what she was about to do. Now there was no choice except to face the reality of her situation.

She was going to marry Johnny Zacchara in Las Vegas so he could avoid being railroaded into another murder charge and to maybe offer her some vague protection from his crazy family.

“Nadine?” Johnny prompted. He dropped his hand, shifting so that he fully faced her now. His face was hidden in the shadows, lit only from the back by the chapel. The sights and sounds of the Strip were still a few blocks away. “If you don’t want to do this—”

“Want is such an interesting word,” she said. “You know, I’ve never been married before. Never even came close. So, no, I don’t want to get married tonight, Johnny. Do you?”

He sighed. “No. No, I don’t.” He closed the distance between them, reached for her hands. “But here’s what I do want.” She could see his face more clearly now that he was standing closer, and his eyes held her attention with that intensity that always caught her by surprise. “I want you to be safe. And I want to avoid being locked up again.” His voice faltered for just a moment, and Nadine wondered if he was thinking about the padded room he’d talked about earlier instead of his time in the PCPD lockup awaiting trial. “What about you?”

“I want…” She sighed. “To live in a world where these aren’t the choices, so maybe that’s not really helpful. I guess I want you to be treated fairly. The system is supposed to protect us, and that’s not what happened with you. And maybe if Scott hadn’t pushed Lulu, none of this would be happening right now. You didn’t want to hurt Sonny. You shouldn’t be punished for what happened. I want to protect you from that. And maybe I also want to avoid your father blaming me for anything again,” she added. “So I guess that means we have to get married.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s what it means.” Johnny dropped one of her hands, but kept the other entwined in his, walking her towards the door. “Do you want an Elvis or Johnny Cash impersonator to marry us instead of the minister? Apparently, there are options if we pay extra.”

Nadine considered it — and shook her head. “Maybe it’s silly,” she said as he ushered her into the lobby. “But it’s my first wedding. I kind of want it to be a minister. Is that okay?”

“Yeah.” He squeezed her hand. “Yeah, me, too. Let’s get married.”

“So romantic,” she teased, and he flashed her a quick grin before stepping over to the desk to make the arrangements.

They opted for the basic package — they didn’t have any guests, and Nadine argued when Johnny wanted to pay extra so that she’d have a full bouquet of roses rather than one single one — they compromised with seven pink blooms.

And then he was walking her down the aisle towards the minister — without music because apparently a true walk down the aisle was another surcharge. Nadine was almost relieved when she realized he’d chosen the version of the vows where all they’d have to do is answer “I do” instead of repeating every line — there was something that felt a bit wrong about saying the words she didn’t really intend to honor —

But before she knew it, the minister had completed the ceremony, and Johnny was looking at her — and she was looking at him—he kissed her—just a brief brushing of their lips which gave her some relief. She’d been a bit frazzled by what happened at the penthouse, and it was better to start this whole thing the way she meant to continue — just business.

And then they were married.

Jacks House: Morgan’s Bedroom

Carly slid Morgan’s dangling foot back onto the bed, tucking it beneath the covers. She stroked his hair just once before heading to the door and gently pulling it shut.

Since that terrible day in April, she’d woken randomly throughout the night with the urge to look in on Morgan, to breathe him in, to remind herself that he was okay. That he was healthy and not lying in a bed with little hope of ever waking.

Just across from Morgan’s bedroom, Michael’s door was firmly closed. Carly touched it with the tips of her fingers, then twisted the doorknob.

Other than a few days earlier, when she’d found Morgan in here, Carly had only been in the room a few times— the cleaning service had been asked to do nothing more than dust and vacuum — Carly wanted everything Michael had touched to remain exactly where he’d left it.

As if her baby would come home to her and pick up the shoes he’d left strewn across the carpet or finally remember to put away the stack of clean laundry that had been left atop his dresser.

Carly sank onto the bed, sitting in the dark, the silence of the house wrapping around her. It had been such a horrible year, she thought. Starting all the way back with the death of Leticia, the nanny who had been with her boys almost since Michael had been born. Then Carly had had her miscarriage—then they’d lost Michael—

She’d broken her marriage by making a terrible mistake with Sonny, and Jax had left her.  Now Sonny was lying in a hospital bed, just like the son they’d lost.

She closed her eyes. She hadn’t told Morgan yet what had happened to his father. He’d had a great day at school, and he’d been so excited that his new best friend was going to come over and play. How could she wipe that smile from his face?

Another loss for her little boy — how did you begin such a conversation? At what point did Morgan just close himself off and stop letting himself love anyone? Leticia, Michael, Jax, Sonny — all these people her baby had lost in such a short time.

Carly wiped at tear as it slid down her cheek and looked at the photo frame on Michael’s nightstand. At Christmas — Carly on a sofa with her arms around both her boys, Jax smiling, an arm stretched behind them both.

It seemed like another universe. A life that only existed in her dreams now.

Tomorrow, she’d have to tell Morgan. Before he heard it from someone else, Carly had to make sure he knew.

But she’d let him have one more sleep before the world broke apart again.

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

There was a light sound coming from the baby monitor on Jason’s nightstand, and he jerked awake—unused to hearing the stirring of a baby. It had been so many years since he’d listened for Michael in the night, he thought, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

He glanced over to see Elizabeth still sleeping, her breathing deep and even, filling the silence of the dark room. He switched off the monitor so it wouldn’t wake her while he was gone.

Jason crossed the hall, listening for a moment to the rest of the penthouse — then pushed open the door to the boys’ room.

Nothing woke Cameron up — something Jason remembered Elizabeth telling him. Her oldest son slept like the dead, a trait he’d inherited from his mother, Jason thought, though Cam had turned over since Jason had last seen him. He now slept on his stomach, his face almost smushed into the pillow, the sheets kicked off again.

In the crib, Jake was sitting up, his face scrunched. “Hey,” Jason said softly, though he was a bit wary. Jake didn’t really know him — and maybe he’d be startled by Jason in his room in the middle night when he was likely expecting a more familiar face. His grandmother, his mother.

Or Lucky.

Jake lifted himself onto his chubby legs, his hands gripping the sides of the crib. “Mom.” He lifted one leg up, then brought it down. “Mom,” he repeated. “Mom.”

“I can take you to your mother,” Jason said. He lifted his son into his arms, and Jake went easily, pointing at the door. “Yeah, Mom’s across the hall. Let’s go before we wake your brother.”

“Cam sleep.” Jake peered over Jason’s shoulder as they went to the door. “Mom.”

Jason carried Jake back into the master bedroom, then switched on the night stand light with one hand. “Mom’s asleep,” he said softly, setting Jake onto the bed. The toddler crawled across the king size bed to his mother, frowning when he saw the metal IV stand next to her. He pointed at it.

“Mom?” Jake said, his tone puzzled.

Elizabeth’s eyelashes fluttered, then she blinked, smiling blearily. “Jake.”

“Mom!” Jake bounced, clapped his hands, clearly delighted. “Mom. Mom.”

Jason sat on the bed, ready to reach for Jake if he moved too quickly or close to Elizabeth, but she was already trying to sit up. Jason put the pillow behind her and she smiled at him.

“I got hurt, baby,” Elizabeth said, “so be careful. Jason—can you—”

Reluctantly, because he’d rather Elizabeth not move at all for few more days, Jason helped Jake snuggle in on Elizabeth’s left side, keeping the right where she’d had her surgery safe . He sighed happily, leaning against her shoulder.

“Mom. Miss.”

“I missed you too.” With her left hand, she stroked his hair. “But you had Gram and Cam and Morgan—”

“An Car.” Jake’s little fingers traced a button on his mother’s sleep shirt. “Mawgin’s mom. An Car.”

“Aunt Carly,” Jason said, with a little wince when Elizabeth looked at him. “When they found out Bobbie is Carly’s mother…”

“Ah, that explains it.” She smiled ruefully. “Did you have fun with Aunt Carly and Morgan?”

“Big room. Toys. Miss you.”

“I missed you, too,” Elizabeth repeated. “But I’m here now, and you get to be with Jason now.” She bit her lip, met Jason’s eyes. “You know him, don’t you?”

“Mom friend.” Jake’s head turned. “Jayse.”

“He has another name you can call him,” Elizabeth said.

“You don’t have—” Jason started, but she waited for Jake to look at her again.

“He’s your daddy.”

Jake’s little face scrunched up again. “Daddy?”

“Jason’s your daddy because he…” She paused, searching for the right word. “He gave you to me. And he’s going to be part of our family from now on.”

Jake was young enough that anything his mother told him was accepted, so he rolled over so that he was facing Jason now, though still snuggled against Elizabeth. “Daddy? You?”

Jason’s throat was a little tight, and he found it difficult to force words out. He hadn’t expected this tonight—but maybe he’d needed this moment. This little piece of normal. Apart from all that had gone wrong today —

He needed this moment with just the three of them for the first time since the day Jake had been born. “Yeah. That’s me. Daddy.”

“Okay.” Jake sighed, then closed his eyes. “Sleep here?”

“Yeah, you can sleep here,” Elizabeth said, stroking his hair again, and his breathing evened out. “I should have warned you — he sometimes gets up in the middle of the night, has a short conversation, then goes right back to sleep.” She smiled wistfully. “He reminds me of you, you know. You always dropped right off to sleep. No trouble.”

Jason carefully laid down on his side, propped his head up on an elbow, just watching Jake sleep, watched Elizabeth stroke his hair. “You didn’t have to do that tonight.”

“Yeah, I did.” She met his gaze, and he saw the regret there. “For all the nights I didn’t. You love him so much, and I want him to know that.”

“Thank you.”

“I missed my boys so much.” She sighed, closing her eyes. “But they’re here, and they’re safe. That’s all I need.”

Her final words were quiet, and Jason wondered if he realized that she’d done just as Jake had — woken for a conversation, then right back to sleep.

When he was sure that they were both deep in sleep, Jason gently repositioned them so that Jake couldn’t roll into his mother and hurt her, and so that Elizabeth was laying down again.

Then he switched off the light, turned back on the baby monitor in case Cameron needed him, and laid down to sleep.

Mandalay Bay Resort: Hotel Room

Johnny switched on the light, illuminating a large beige room with blue accents and a king-sized bed dominating the area.

Nadine slid in behind him, rubbing her eyes. He remembered now she’d worked the overnight shift the night before — and had been working twelve hour shifts straight for at least few days. He’d dragged her across country without even a change of clothing —

Which was why she was carrying a bag from one of the shops still open on the casino’s main floor with clothes to change into the next morning, and something to sleep in. He had his own bag which he set down.

“It’s nice,” Nadine said, going over to the window, peering out over the bright lights of the strip.

“Sorry. I would have gotten a double—”

“But someone might have looked at what room we booked,” Nadine finished, tugging the curtains over the windows, blocking out the obnoxious casinos. “You said so down at the front desk. It’s fine. A bed is a bed.”

Johnny dragged a hand through his hair, watched as Nadine glanced around the rest of the room, disappeared into the bathroom for a minute. Nadine. His wife. Hell. After all the debate whether or not to get married—

They hadn’t really talked about what happened after the wedding. He’d told her they’d sell this whole thing as an impulsive decision based on lust, and he’d kissed her to prove they could do it—

Now, they were married and in a hotel room with one bed—

Nadine emerged from the bathroom. “Uh, we should probably get some sleep. Or I will since I haven’t slept in more than twenty-four hours. And before you say something stupid like you’ll take the couch or floor,” she began when he opened his mouth, “that’s a king-sized bed. I promise you, I’m so tired I won’t even notice you’re there.”

“That’s flattering,” he said, hoping it sounded like a joke, and she rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay. And then maybe tomorrow—”

“Tomorrow will be there when we wake up,” she said firmly. She picked up her bag from the casino clothing store. “We can have all the conversations about what’s next after I’ve slept and had an infusion of caffeine.”

“Smart. Good.”

She closed the door behind her, and Johnny sat on the edge of the bed staring at his hand. The chapel had even featured a selection of rings, so now he wore a thick gold band around his left ring finger. He twisted it, the feeling of it odd against his skin. He was married, and this was proof. The tiny ring with the fake diamond on Nadine’s hand—he would have to replace it, he thought, kicking off his shoes. No one would believe he’d buy his wife a cheap diamond—

Lulu’s face popped in his head, maybe for the first time in a few hours, and Johnny closed his eyes, thinking about her. She’d understand, Johnny thought. She’d grown up adjacent to this life, so she’d understand why it would have to be this way—

Though maybe Lulu wouldn’t really understand why Johnny had kissed Nadine or she’d kissed him back. That was the problem with acting on impulse all the damn time, he thought. He’d promised to go to the wedding with Lulu, and she had refused to let go of it. Instead of checking with her family, thinking it through — he’d offered it, and she’d been so happy, he’d ignored all the red flags and warnings.

Now she was locked in her own mind, and Johnny had gone on to make more rash and stupid choices. Showing up at the hospital, hoping for another chance to make his case — dragging Nadine to the pier to listen to his sob story—

What was the result of that? They were in Vegas, married, and there still weren’t any guarantees Nadine would be safe from all the chaos he’d dragged her into—

“Did you need the bathroom?”

Johnny jerked out of his thoughts at her voice, glancing over to see her standing in the doorway to the bathroom, wearing a soft pink tank with thin straps, a matching pair of sleep shorts — her face was clean—though she hadn’t been wearing makeup, he realized now that he thought about it—

“No. No. I mean, yes. I need to change. But no.” Johnny got to his feet, yanked his own bag of clothes up and went towards the door. They brushed past each other, and Nadine stumbled slightly, her cheeks pinking up. “Um, go ahead to bed. I’ll be there—I mean, you don’t have to wait up—”

“Right. Right.” She bit her lip and darted away, hurrying around to the other side of the bed. Johnny closed the door, dumped the bag on the counter, then splashed some cold water on his face before looking at himself in the mirror.

“You are an idiot.”

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