Can’t change this feeling
I’m way out of touch
Can’t change this meaning
It means too much
Never been so lonely
Never felt so good
I can’t be the only one
Misunderstood
– Somebody Else’s Song, Lifehouse

---

Monday, October 20, 2008

General Hospital: Kate’s Room

“Careful—” Nadine held out her hands, one on either side of Kate, ready to brace the older woman in case she fell or lost her balance.

But Kate had been working hard in physical therapy for the last week, completing the last round only that morning, and though she was a little unsteady when she’d first stood up from the hospital bed, she was able to make the short distance between the bed and bathroom unaided.

Kate braced her hand on the door frame, took a careful breath, then flashed a smile at Nadine. “You’ll have to reassure Dr. Hunter that I’m perfectly capable of being discharged. I’m ready to get back to my life.” Her smile slipped briefly. “Such as it is.”

“I am definitely going to be giving you full marks — as soon as you can use the bathroom and get back in bed without my help. I’ll be right here if you need me,” Nadine said, and Kate nodded. She went into the small room, leaving the door only slightly ajar.

I’m ready to get back to my life. Such as it is.

Nadine couldn’t imagine what it would be like for Kate to leave the hospital, return to her work at Crimson, carry on as if…

Well, as if her entire world hadn’t been upended. She’d been shot on her wedding day, in and out of consciousness, and before she’d even really understood her injuries, Sonny had ended up two floors above them, comatose. What a difference a few days could make — Kate’s life had changed irrevocably, and so had Nadine’s.

She glanced down at the simple gold band she wore on her left hand, twisting it back and forth. Kate was the one who was supposed to be married, not Nadine—

“Enjoying the fruits of your lies?”

Nadine snapped her head up, wincing when she saw Maxie at the entrance of the room. “Maxie. I thought you were coming later—”

“Looking to ingratiate yourself with another wealthy patient?” the slender blonde demanded, stalking past Nadine and dumping the paper bag she held on to the hospital tray. “You might have replaced Lulu in Johnny’s bed, but don’t think you’ll be able to do the same with Kate—”

“Maxie.”

Both women turned to see Kate back in the doorway, a bit pale, but still on her feet. “I have to ask you not to aggravate the hospital staff. Nadine is here to do a job, nothing more and nothing less.”

Maxie looked as if she wanted to argue, but just threw Nadine a scorching glare before practically sprinting to Kate’s side. “Of course. I brought you a salad, and I also have proofs from the Karlie Kloss shoot — I think you’ll be very pleased. We don’t need you anymore,” she said to Nadine, hovering as Kate walked slowly to her bed.

“Of course. As soon as — ” Nadine watched as Kate reached the bed and sat down, wincing only slightly. “There we go. I’ll update Matt and I’m confident he’ll give you a discharge date. Enjoy your lunch and your visit.”

Drake Condo: Living Room

“I feel like one of the boats in the harbor,” Robin grunted as her mother helped her sit down on the sofa. She winced, and tried to smile at Elizabeth, seated in the armchair. “How do you deal with feeling like you’re suffocating from the inside out?”

Elizabeth made a face. “It’s awful, right? Their little legs and arms kicking, the somersaults—I felt like all my organs had to be squashed up under my lungs. Just terrible. It was worse with Jake — because he was moving less by the time I made it to my due date. I went early with Cam, so I didn’t know what to expect.”

“I didn’t know that. Was he a preemie?” Robin asked. She accepted the water her mother handed to her, then looked at Anna. “Cam is Liz’s oldest. He’ll be—what—five in May?”

“Five, yeah. And I guess technically he was a preemie but not by much, but he just had to spend a few nights in the NICU. He and Jake are only a week apart, birthday wise. I’m so glad that with everything else that happened with my delivery, Jake was very healthy. And that Kelly was on hand. You’re in excellent hands.”

“There’s no one I’d trust more than Kelly. You’ll meet her at the shower,” Robin told her mother. “But she was as cool as a cucumber with your case, Liz, so I know I’ll be okay.”

“Was your delivery particularly difficult?” Anna asked.

“I had placenta previa, grade three, the worst kind. And there were no symptoms — it just—” Elizabeth shuddered. “It just happened. I was alone at the house, and I could have bled out—” She looked down at her hands.

“But Jason found her, rushed her to the hospital,” Robin added, and Elizabeth looked up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up—”

“No, I did. It’s just hard to think about. A lot was going on, but Kelly really was amazing. And well, I know Patrick has Nadine and a few of our best peds nurses on hand for the delivery.”

“I’m sure he’s pulling all the strings—” Robin rolled her eyes. “I’m just glad we have nurses left we can call the best. Other than you, I mean,” she told Liz.

Anna raised her brows. “Is there trouble with the nurses at GH? I remember their program was one of the best in the state — under your grandmother,” she said to Elizabeth.

“The new board closed our nursing program as one of their cost saving procedures,” Elizabeth said, bitterly. “Bobbie was forced into early retirement—I don’t care what she says, Robin. We both know she was pushed into taking the buyout. Epiphany’s doing the best she can, but—” She sighed. “It’s just been hard.”

“Cost-saving?” Anna pursed her lips. “Does this have anything to do with the chief before Patrick? You were never happy about him,” she said to Robin. “You said you had more than a few arguments with him.”

“It’s just hard,” Robin admitted. “I was used to Alan. He was just friendlier, you know? Warmer? Plus, he’d watched me grow up, and he’d been my doctor. And Liz, you were around the family all the time. Dr. Ford never wanted to get to know us. Which is fine, I guess.”

“Yeah, he was a lot colder than Alan, but I never felt like he was particularly bad at his job. It’s just—” Elizabeth hesitated. “Things were harder after Jolene.”

“Jolene?” Anna pressed when Elizabeth didn’t continue. “I don’t think I know that name—”

“You might remember what the papers called her,” Robin said. “The Angel Without Mercy? She was sabotaging patients last summer.” She rubbed her belly. “A medical group was trying to buy out General Hospital and wanted to drive down the prices. They paid her to screw with patient care—”

“And Jolene went further than they asked. Instead of just tanking patient care and staff morale, she killed patients. Lawsuits were filed, and board members resigned or sold their shares. The president of the hospital was fired, and the new one is an asshole,” Elizabeth said. She sighed. “I mean, I know it’s hit the hospital bad, and Patrick’s killing himself to work out of it. But closing the nursing program saved money short-term—”

“But long-term it’ll cripple the hospital. We used to have a pipeline for the best trained nurses in the state, and now—well, Liz, you probably know the problems better.”

“They bought out some of the older nurses — Bobbie, who was running the nursing program, and others like her that had been there for thirty years — the ones who make the most money.”

“Ah,” Anna nodded. “That’s quite typical, I’m afraid. When I was with the police department here in Port Charles, we had a budget shortfall and it’s always the older, more expensive officers who get the retirement packages. I’m so sorry to hear that the hospital is having such issues. I know you’ve always dreamed of working there, and well, your grandparents practically built it,” she said to Elizabeth.

“Gram was heartbroken when she found out. I really want to do something to bring it back, like maybe we can do a foundation or organize something like the Nurse’s Ball, you know?” Elizabeth said to Robin whose eyes lit up. “I just know my grandmother would be on board to help, and so would Bobbie. It would be an amazing morale boost for the nursing staff.”

“Oh, as soon as I pop out this baby—” Robin nodded. “We’ll get started. I’ve always wanted to do something big for the hospital, and this is my shot. We know people with money.” She brightened, looked at her mother. “So do you. I’m glad you’re going to be around so I can snag that little black book—”

“I’ll happily contribute to anyone who would be interested. I think it’s a lovely idea. But first—” She laid a hand on Robin’s belly, smiled when the baby kicked. “We need to finish planning your baby shower.”

General Hospital: Lobby

Johnny took a step towards the security desk only to turn in a circle and wander back to the wall where there was a large display about the history of the hospital, complete with pictures of the first building and a timeline of important events.

He made a study of reading it, telling himself when he reached the last event, he’d go to the desk and ask for a security pass to see Sonny Corinthos. And this time, he would actually do it.

Johnny had just reached the beginning of the sixties when he heard someone clearing their throat beside him. He jolted when he realized Nadine had joined him. “Oh. Uh, hey. Did you know the hospital opened its emergency room in 1963?”

Nadine lifted her brows, but then looked at the wall where he pointed. “Yeah, I did. Every time someone brings up Steve Hardy, it comes up. He’s revered here like a god. The security guard called me. Said they thought something was wrong. You’ve been here like half an hour, just loitering. Did something happen?”

“No. No.” Johnny folded his arms, continuing to stare at the wall. “I thought I’d come to see Sonny.”

There was silence next to him, and he sighed. “It’s a stupid idea, isn’t it? This is the last place I should be.”

“It’s not a stupid idea. I’m just surprised—”

“Because I shouldn’t be anywhere near him, I know.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t tell me. I could run interference, make sure that Carly doesn’t see you. She’s the only visitor he gets regularly,” Nadine added when Johnny finally looked at her. “His dad came in a few times, but he went back to Rochester last weekend.”

“You talked to his dad?”

“Yeah. He’s a nice guy. Didn’t seem surprised by where he found his son.” Nadine folded her arms. “Johnny, everyone who knows the truth — no one thinks it was on purpose. They know it was self-defense.”

“I know.”

“You were protecting me, too.”

“Yeah.”

“I know you try not to think about it very much, and that’s kind of how I deal with it when I’m not here. Because we were minding our business and someone tried to hurt us. It was him or us, Johnny.”

“Does that—” He looked at her briefly before focusing on the display again. “Does that work? Just telling yourself it was justified?”

“Most of the time. When I feel guilty again, I think about your trial, and the way the PCPD didn’t even bother to investigate what happened that night—”

“They could have if we’d gone to them, maybe. Maybe if we’d called them, if we’d told them—”

“Maybe Lulu would still be here,” Nadine finished, and Johnny flinched.

“That’s not what I meant—”

“No, but it’s true. Maybe. Or maybe Scott Baldwin would still go after Lulu. Maybe it’d be worse because he’d have focused entirely on her, and she’d get sick faster. Maybe you gave her more time,” she said gently. She touched his arm. “You did the best you could, Johnny. I know that. I wish you did—”

“Well, is this just so sweet.”

Johnny turned at the sound of a new voice and saw Maxie standing a few feet away, her face flushed, one hand fisted at her hip, the other clutching a purse so tightly her knuckles were white.  “Maxie—”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve flaunting yourself here, you son of a bitch.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Bobbie flicked pencil shavings from the ledger, glancing up briefly at the jingle of the bell. When she saw Alexis, she returned her attention to the books, only to look up a few moments later when she realized the other woman had stopped by her table.

“Can I help you?” Bobbie asked, lifting her head.

Alexis sat across from her, setting her purse in her lap. “I…I spoke with Sam this morning. I thought you might like an update if you hadn’t spoken with Lucky or Nikolas recently—”

“Why exactly is your daughter updating me about my niece?” Bobbie wanted to know. She laid down the pencil. “Could it be because Lulu’s worthless brothers won’t pick up the phone to call me after ignoring my messages?”

Alexis winced. “I suppose that could be part of it—”

“If Lulu had recovered, I’d know. Because she’d have kicked her brothers into the Pacific Ocean and hitchhiked home already. Or stolen Nikolas’s credit cards to book a first class flight. So—” Bobbie picked up the pencil. “And since that hasn’t happened, we won’t have to worry about trading information. Lulu is in the same condition Sonny is.”

Alexis pressed her lips together, looked away, and Bobbie sighed. She rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was a low blow, and unnecessary—”

“It’s all right. It’s not easy, I’m sure, knowing Lulu is so far away with only her brothers to look after her. And I’m sorry that they’re not calling you. It’s just—there is no change. She’s not worse,” Alexis added, “but she’s not better.”

Bobbie nodded, then sighed again. “I’ll get word to Luke. He’s…somewhere in Europe. Running as usual. I spoke to him when Lu got sick, but—well, he’s not in a hurry to come home and see her look the same as her mother. He never really got over that. My brother was great in a crisis — as long as it wasn’t personal,” she added.

Alexis smiled wryly. “Yes, he could be counted on to keep a cool head if no one he cared about were involved. And he always did better when there was something he could do. With this—”

“It’s in the hands of the medical doctors, which certainly isn’t easy. And that’s probably why Nikolas isn’t contacting me. But Lucky? Oh, if he’s smart, he’ll stay away from me and Port Charles a little longer. The way he walked out on those boys while Elizabeth was in surgery? Just dumped them on Audrey? That was despicable, and I do not want to hear that he was under a lot of pressure. Jason managed just fine while juggling Elizabeth’s care, Sonny’s situation, the boys, and God knows what else. But I don’t need to tell you that.”

“No, you don’t. You’d think it would affect my life more,” Alexis admitted. “But Sonny had curtailed visitation after what happened to Michael, and I was relieved at the time. Now—it’s so sad,” she murmured, “to wonder if the world is better off without him in it.”

General Hospital: Lobby

Nadine sighed, removed her hand from Johnny’s arm, then rubbed her temple. The last thing she needed was another run-in with Maxie today. “Maxie—”

“I guess I was wrong upstairs,” Maxie snarled. “Maybe you’re not on the lookout for your next victim—”

“Don’t let us keep you from your next shopping spree,” Johnny said, taking Nadine’s arm and heading towards the elevator, but the only way to do that was to pass the irate blonde who swung her bag just as Johnny came near her and it hit him in the chest. “Oof—knock it off, you crazy bitch—”

“How dare you talk to me like that! After everything—”

“After what?” Johnny demanded, releasing Nadine’s arm to face Maxie squarely. “Listen, you lunatic, you have no right to judge anyone, and you damn well know it. You think you’re so pure? So perfect? The stories Lu told me—”

“Shut up—” Maxie whacked him with her purse again and he snagged it from her before she could swing again. “Give that back—”

“Stop it—” Nadine hissed, yanking on Johnny’s arm. “Come on—” She winced when she saw the security guard approaching. “Johnny—”

“I’m going to have to ask you both to leave.” The guard stepped between them. “Give the lady back her purse, and Miss Jones—” the guard looked at the red-faced Maxie. “Stop committing assault with the purse, or you’ll have to explain it to the commissioner—”

Johnny held out the purse, and Maxie snatched it from him. She stalked towards the parking garage.

“Maybe you need to go out the front,” the guard told Johnny. “You can use the garage entrance from the street.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Johnny looked at Nadine. “I’ll see you at home.”

“Yeah, fine.” Nadine folded her arms, watched him leave. “Sorry,” she told the guard, who just rolled his eyes and headed back to his desk.

She dragged her hands through her hair, took a deep breath, then went back to work.

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