Now that we’re here
Now that we’ve come this far
Just hold on
There is nothing to fear
For I am right beside you
For all my life
I am yours
– What About Now?, Daughtry

---

 Wednesday, November 5, 2008

 Hardy House: Living Room

Her ex-grandson-in-law rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess you’re still mad about the way I left.”

“Still—” Audrey had to take a deep breath and a step back, the rage rose so quickly in her throat. “Oh, the absolute nerve, the audacity—”

 “Still mad,” Lucky said with a nod. “Listen, Audrey—”

The absolute nerve of this worthless man! “That will be Mrs. Hardy to you and for the rest of your days. You lost the right to speak to me with any familiarity the second you walked out on those boys, on Cameron who spent two weeks asking for his father.”

Lucky exhaled, looked away. “I was overwhelmed. Everything that happened with my sister, Audrey, and I doubt Jason told you, but he announced—”

“That he was Jake’s father to the entire emergency room?” Audrey finished, and Lucky furrowed his brow. “You think you’ll waltz in here after all this time and I’ll simply take your side? You think that my granddaughter and I haven’t had several long conversations filling in the gaps? Or perhaps you thought Jason wouldn’t tell Elizabeth or anyone else what you were planning to do that night.”

Lucky opened his mouth, then closed it. “I—”

“Overwhelmed? Overwhelmed? I have never been so insulted in all my life. Did you honestly think that you could waltz back into this house, into those boys’ lives as if everything you did could be waved away because your sister was ill? I am sorry for what has happened to Lesley Lu. It is a tragic and terrible situation for everyone who loves her, but Elizabeth was in the hospital. She nearly died a few days later after some complications—”

“I know—”

“You know? You know that Elizabeth had to have emergency surgery? Oh, I imagine your girlfriend was in contact with her family. Did Alexis tell Sam? Does she know what the woman did to Jake? To both those boys?”

“Audrey—Mrs. Hardy,” Lucky corrected when Audrey’s nostrils flared, and she started to close the door. “If you would just let me speak—”

“You want to speak to me now? Now? When I begged you that morning to stay, to talk about what was going on and you could barely take a moment to look me in the eyes. But now you want to speak—” Audrey raised her hand in the air, then fisted it. “Well, that is too little too late. My granddaughter has recovered her health, with no thanks or help from you. You chose to abandon those precious children who adore you when they needed you the most. They needed you, Lucky, and you were not there. I needed you. I have always championed you, Lucky. I have always encouraged Elizabeth to stay with you, to give you another chance. After the drugs, after Maxie, after she forgave you all that, you had another affair—”

“She lied to me,” Lucky said tightly. “You’re leaving that out—”

“And if you had left her because of that, I would have no argument with you. You chose to stay, Lucky. And then had your affair with that woman. And continued to see her even after you knew what she’d done to Jake. To the boys in the park.”

“I see Elizabeth gave you the Cliff’s Notes—is there any point to asking you to hear me out, or are you just going to tell me how horrible I am?” Lucky retorted. “Great, Audrey, now you know all the dirty details. I made a mistake, okay? I was overwhelmed, and upset, and I ran. I’m not proud of it, but all I can do is try to fix things. And if you could just listen to me—”

“If it is the last thing I do, Lucky Spencer, it will be to prevent you from breathing the same air as my great-grandchildren. They are happy and secure with their mother. Jake adores his father. I have to thank you for leaving and giving Jason ample time to bond with his son,” Audrey said, her tone dripping with sugary sweetness. Lucky scowled. “And for making sure that I saw you for who you really are before you went. It will be a cold day in hell before I ever plead your case again. Get off my property or I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.”

General Hospital: Labor & Delivery

 Robin’s head fell back against the pillow, flushed and damp. Her hand reached up, gripped his tie, yanked him down. “You did this to me,” she spat. “You.”

Patrick winced. “I know, and I’m sorry—”

“Robin, don’t murder the poor man.” Anna deftly untangled Robin’s fingers and Patrick was able to raise his head. He rubbed his throat. “The epidural isn’t helping?”

“I think it’s broken. I think you need to get another one—” Robin arched up, another contraction wracking her body. “Oh, God. Here it comes—”

“Aren’t they close enough for you to…” Patrick waved his hand at Kelly, hovering by Robin’s legs, lifted up by the stirrups. “Do something?”

“Did you pay attention at all when you did your obstetrics rotation in med school?” the doctor demanded. She planted her fists at her hips, rolled her eyes, then looked to Robin. “Honey, you’re dilated to about an eight. I know it hurts, I know it feels like the drugs aren’t working, but it would be so much worse without them—”

“No, no—” Her head lolled to one side, and she looked up at him, her pretty brown eyes shadowed with the pain. “Patrick. Please. Something isn’t right.”

“Hey. Hey.” He gripped her hand, bent down. “Kelly’s the best, remember? You think she’s going to let anything happen to you or this baby?”

“It hurts. I changed my mind. I don’t want to have a baby. Can we go home?”

He swept her sweaty hair back, forced a smile. “I don’t think we get a refund on this one, babe. We have to see it through to the end. I wish it were me.”

“So—do—I—” Robin grunted. “Kelly—”

“Everything is progressing just the way it’s supposed to.”  Kelly flashed her an encouraging smile. “We’re almost ready to push, Robin. It won’t be long now.”

Coffee House: Office

Max knocked, then pushed open the door. “Hey, Jase. Elizabeth asked if you had a minute—”

“Always.” Jason was out of his seat and away from the desk even before Elizabeth had crossed the threshold with Jake in her arms. He cupped the back of her head, kissed her as Max pulled the door closed. “Hey,” he murmured against her mouth, feeling the curve of her lips.

“Hey.”

Jake reached for Jason, and he stepped back to take his son in his arms. Rubbing the toddler’s back, he focused on Elizabeth. “I wasn’t expecting you, was I?”

“No. No.” She set her purse on the table, dropped Jake’s bag on the floor. “Gram called, and I just—I needed to see you. I need to figure out what we’re going to do—”

“What happened?” Jason went to the other side of the office, picking up Jake’s bag as he passed it. Then he set him down on a blanket, pulling out a dump truck and a few other toys for him to play with.

“Lucky showed up at her house today.”

Jason stilled, his hand on the dump truck. He exhaled slowly. “Did he?”

“Gram was so upset on the phone she could barely speak. She’s still so angry about how everything happened, how he left that morning. And for taking his side all the time.”

Jason got to his feet, some of the tightness in his chest easing at the realization Audrey hadn’t fallen back on old habits. “She did what she thought was best. I don’t want her upset by any of this. Especially not by him.”

“That’s what I told her. She’s just so—” Elizabeth hesitated. “Lucky said he was overwhelmed that morning, and he wants to deal with things now.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “Can you believe that? After all these weeks with no word, and he thinks he can just come back?”

“Does that surprise you?” Jason asked. He leaned back against the desk. “Do you—I mean, with Cameron, I know he still asks for Lucky—”

“Not as much as he did.” Elizabeth folded one arm across her middle, nibbled at the thumbnail on her other hand. “He thinks he can pick and choose when to be a father, and I was willing to put up with that. It makes me sick that I ever thought he was good enough for Jake, much less Cameron. I want you to know that’s not an option,” she told Jason, and the rest of the tightness faded. He could breathe again. “Jake knows you, he loves you. That’s off the table and it’s never coming back. It’s just Cameron—”

“It’s different. He’s older,” Jason said. He reached for her hand, drew it away from her mouth. “I told you we’d handle that however you wanted. Cameron knows I love him, and that’s enough for me.”

“It’s not enough for me. Jake—that’s a mistake I made. A terrible awful lie that I didn’t know how to unwind, and I made so many bad choices, and I hurt all of us. But it’s over now, and Lucky doesn’t get to come back after a month of silence and have a say in anything that happens to Jake. That was a risk he took, you know? But Cameron—that was supposed to be different. He promised me, he swore to me that he loved my little boy. That he didn’t care that he wasn’t Cam’s father by blood. And Cameron has loved him every day he can remember.”  She tipped her head back, trying to fight the tears. “I thought I’d put this away, I thought I was done with this.”

“You trusted him with your son, Elizabeth, and he walked away.”

“I keep thinking of Cameron standing on my grandmother’s steps, watching Lucky leave, and you know, he’s too young to really understand words, but he knew Lucky was leaving. And he knows he never came back. I don’t want him to think that’s what fathers do. That he has to earn his father’s love—I spent my whole life, Jason, not being good enough for my parents—”

He drew her close to him, kissed her gently, just a brush of his lips against her trembling mouth. He kept her close, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. He didn’t reassure her that she was good enough — she knew it. But Lucky had brought it all back, and Jason would have dropped him in the lake for just putting that look in her eyes again.

“We don’t have to have all the answers today. Cameron knows that you love him, and that you’ll always be there for him.”

She curled her hands around his wrists. “I don’t want Lucky in his life. I don’t want Cam to have another moment like that. And he won’t. Not with you. I want my little boy to have you. I want him to feel loved with every breath he takes. So if Lucky tries for custody, I want you to do whatever you have to, and make it go away.”

“I know a few people,” Jason said. He kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry. If he’s stupid enough to try for visitation, he’ll regret it. You’re not unconscious in a hospital bed this time.”

“No, this time, he won’t get away without hearing exactly what I think.” She smiled, and though her lashes were still damp, the sadness had left her eyes. “Maybe if you had time, we could get Cam together today. Do something. Just the four of us.” She bit her lip. “But if you’re busy—”

“Nothing that can’t wait.”

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

He was coming out of his skin, pacing the apartment, thinking about the awful visit from his sister.

Who the hell could Claudia have pissed off so much that she was absolutely terrified? He’d seen his sister worried, unsettled, or unhappy, but scared?

He didn’t know the word was even in her vocabulary.

Johnny crossed from the living room door to the window overlooking the street, his mind racing.

Don’t ask, don’t tell. It was the only way Johnny had been able to breathe these last few months, but he didn’t think Nadine would care that he didn’t technically know how Michael Corinthos had ended up with a bullet in his head, or that he hadn’t known then.

Her heart was too generous, her soul too clean for her to look past the stain on his own. He dragged a hand down his face. And what if Claudia was wrong? Whoever had threatened her had done so today after their lunch.

Which meant they were in Port Charles.

“Where’s your wife right now? Are you sure she’s okay? Because you’d better get used to feeling that way. You won’t know a second of peace if you’re not with her.”

Johnny headed for the door, yanking his coat off the hook on his way out.

He had the sudden urge to see his wife.

General Hospital: Labor & Delivery

The pain had been so constant, so steady, that Robin almost grew used to it, riding the waves of sheer agony mixed with dull throbbing as the contractions ebbed and flowed over the last few hours.

But then it had happened so fast—bearing down, Kelly telling her to keep pushing, to keep going, to just push a little harder—

There was the shoulder! It was all downhill from here—just push—

A harsh, high-pitched cry broke out and Robin could see a baby being lifted up—her baby—her little, red-bodied furious child protesting the loss of a warm, comfortable world—

Kelly laid the baby on Robin’s chest, and Robin was crying—couldn’t feel it, didn’t know it, but the tears dripped down, and she looked at Patrick, his cheeks wet, his hand coming down to cup the back of their child’s head with her shock of dark hair—

“It’s a girl!” Kelly crowed. “Here, Patrick, come cut—”

A girl. Robin was dimly aware that Patrick had stepped away, taking the surgical shears from their friend and was cutting the cord that linked Robin to their daughter, keeping her fed and nourished all this time, keeping her safe and healthy—

“Oh, my darling, my love—” Anna leaned down, kissed Robin’s forehead. “She’s here.” Her mother’s voice was hoarse, the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

“She’s here,” Robin breathed. She smiled, even as the tears continued to flow. A dream she’d never really hoped for, the future she’d never expected — and now it was here, and Robin was holding her— “Patrick, she’s here.”

“Yeah, she is. And she’s perfect.” Patrick kissed their daughter, then Robin, pressing their foreheads together. “You both are.”

But the little family time had to be disturbed. Nadine and another labor nurse whisked the baby away to clean up and be given the first anti-retroviral therapy medication to prevent any perinatal transmission of HIV, a regimen that would last at least a month. They wouldn’t be able to test her until later, until her system was clear of any connection to Robin.

Nadine took in this explanation from the experienced nurse, who must have seen the expression on the younger nurse’s face. “Oh, Dr. Scorpio’s anti-viral load isn’t detectable. The chances of transmission were less than one percent. But we still follow the protocol.” She patted Nadine’s hand, then returned the bundle to her parents. Robin had been cleaned up, her face beaming as her daughter was placed in her arms again.

There was nothing else for Nadine to do, and she wanted them to have their time, to have the quiet so she backed out of the room and left the labor and delivery ward, pressing the button to exit the secure wing.

She turned to go down the hall, to head for the break room but saw Johnny pacing back and forth in front of the elevator.

“Johnny? What are you doing here?”

Johnny stopped, his eyes snapping to hers. “Hey. Hey. They said you were in a delivery. I wanted to wait for you.”

Nadine tugged the surgical cap from her hair, her smile still confused. “Yeah, but I’m not done my shift yet. Not for hours.”

“I know. I, just—” He grimaced, shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark, suede jacket. “Do you—I mean, do you have a minute? Can we talk?”

“Sure.” She tossed a look at the nurse behind the counter, then took his arm. “Let’s go up to the roof. I don’t really feel like being on display.”

“Yeah, good. I don’t want anyone to hear us.”

Oh, that didn’t sound good at all.

 Shadybrooke: Laura’s Room

 “We just have to finish packing this last dresser,” Nikolas told Lucky, frowning when his brother remained at the window unresponsive, not unlike their mother. “Lucky?”

“Hm?” Lucky looked at him, nodded. “Yeah. Right. Good.”

Nikolas closed the suitcase, glanced over at his mother, sitting in her chair, her eyes fixed on a point somewhere in the distance. Still empty. Just like their sister. “I’m guessing Audrey Hardy wasn’t happy to see you.”

“No.” Lucky dragged a hand down his face. “No, she was not. She wouldn’t let me explain. Wouldn’t even let me say more than a few words. Jason’s got to her.”

“Jason?” Nikolas repeated. “What does that mean?’

“They were all at his place while Elizabeth recovered. I knew—I knew Alexis told us that, but I don’t think I thought about what that meant.” Lucky went over to the bed, sat on the edge. “She’s on Jason’s side. Completely. And Elizabeth told her all the parts she’d left out before. About Sam and Maxie.”

“Ah. Well, you had to know that was a possibility. Or did you think that the world stood still while we were gone?” Nikolas asked.

“You just—you take things for granted, you know? I’m the good guy. The right choice. The safe one. Audrey always—she always took my part. And she’s always just…been there. When I left, she was upset, I just thought I’d explain how things sort of got out of control with Lulu and what happened in the emergency room, and she’d—”

“I warned you.” Nikolas closed the dresser door he’d been clearing a bit too hard, and the sound echoed in the room. Lucky flinched. “I told you we’d stay and we’d fight. I’d find you a lawyer, and you wanted to go.”

“Who’s side are you on?”

“No one’s. My own. I don’t know. There are no sides, Lucky. There’s what happened and how we deal with it. Our sister is locked in the same place as our mother, with almost no hope of recovery,” Nikolas retorted, and Lucky sighed, rubbed his forehead. “And yeah, it all went to hell in twenty-four hours. But you were never supposed to leave that day. That wasn’t the plan. You chose to leave with Elizabeth in a hospital bed. You chose to dump Jake and Cameron’s things at Audrey’s feet with no discussion, no goodbyes, and you chose to hop on a plane weeks before you were supposed to. No one asked you to quit your job that night. No one asked you to burn the bridges as you left. That was you. And now you’re standing in a room whining about your choices while I look at a woman who will never wake up. What do you expect me to say, Lucky? Congratulations. You gambled and you lost.”

“I—” Lucky stared at him, shaken. “You said to come back, that I should talk to Elizabeth, figure it out—”

“And you should do that. You should talk to Elizabeth. If she even wants to see you—” Nikolas took a deep breath. “We both left her, Lucky. She was bruised and unconscious in a hospital bed. In the ICU. And we walked out. Did we have to go that soon? Could it have waited? I don’t know. But we did what we did, and now we’re coming back like there aren’t consequences—”

“We?” Lucky echoed. He got to his feet. “What happened when you went out today? Did you go to Nadine? It’s what we thought, isn’t it? Some witness bullshit like Sonny and Carly always pulled.”

“I—” Nikolas looked away, caught sight of himself in the mirror. “I saw Maxie first. She told me that you wouldn’t find any friends on the custody front, but then she told me Johnny and Nadine are living together. That they seem….friendly.”

“Friendly?”

“She thinks something is going on. Something else. Nadine got arrested for contempt at his trial, didn’t she?”

“Oh, come on—” Lucky shook his head. “No way. No way. Nadine would defend a serial killer if she thought she was doing the right thing. You know that. Look at the trouble she was getting herself into. And Johnny—he was all about Lulu. You know that. We hated it, but we knew that.” He stopped. “And you left her, Nikolas. You’re the one that burned that bridge, not her.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s something she said—well, shouted,” Nikolas muttered. He rubbed his chest. “Christ. We made a mess of everything, didn’t we?” He sat on the bed, and Lucky sat next to him.

“Yeah, I guess.” Lucky looked at their mother. “Well, at least Dad’s not around to make things even worse.”

General Hospital: Roof

 Now that he’d dragged Nadine up to the roof where the lights of downtown Port Charles lit up around them, the wind roaring around the sides of the building—Johnny felt like an idiot. He’d rushed over to the hospital just to see her, to make sure she was okay — and now what? Was he planning to tell her about the ambiguous threats made by Claudia? How did he begin to tell Nadine what had happened without revealing the horrible thing his sister might have but almost definitely done?

“Johnny?”

“What?” He looked at her. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking about how cold it’d be up here right now.”

“It’s fine. I’m used to it, but you’re sort of freaking me out. Did you have a run-in with Nikolas, too?”

“Nikolas?” Johnny echoed. He turned, his back to the city skyline, brow creased. “Wait, he’s back?”

“Yeah, and he knew about us. I mean, that we got married. Wasn’t really that happy about it. Apparently I’m a terrible person for what I’ve done to his sister.” She shook her head, looked away. “They never judge the man, do they? It’s always the woman.”

“No, they don’t,” Johnny said, thinking of all the abuse she’d taken since their marriage, and all the problems he could still bring to her. He rubbed his brow. “Did he say why he was back?”

“His mother, I think. It’s not—I mean, he said there was no change—for Lulu. That she’s the same as when they left.”

The air whooshed out of him all at once because he hadn’t considered, even let himself imagine that after all this time, there’d be no change at all. That Lulu, bright beautiful vibrant Lulu, would still be locked inside her own mind. He’d tried not to let himself think about Lulu at all, but now, to know— “Nothing at all? Not even a little?”

“No.” She was quiet for a beat. “I’m sorry. I know that’s the last thing you wanted to hear.”

Johnny sank onto the ledge of the hospital roof, staring at nothing. “Nothing at all,” he murmured. He’d tried hard not to think about Lulu these last few weeks. It didn’t seem fair to anyone involved, most of all Nadine who hadn’t done anything except be his friend. But now he realized somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d expected the news to be better. He’d almost wanted to fight with Lulu when she came home.

Because of course she’d come home. How could there be any other alternative?

“I didn’t get more details than that. I could ask Spinelli if he’s heard more—”

“No, it’s—it’s okay. Um—” He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand, forced himself back into the moment. “It’s better this way. That I don’t know. I don’t have a right to know anymore.”

“Johnny.” Nadine sat next to him, her eyes kind. “Hey. I know we had that stupid fight, but that doesn’t mean I’m going back on what I said at the beginning. I know you love Lulu. I know this hurts.”

“I—” He grimaced, shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to know that. You probably think I’m a real asshole. The way things have been the last few weeks, me acting like she didn’t exist—”

“Do you think that I believed that? Johnny. Come on. We’re friends, aren’t we? I’d like to think we’ve managed that much. After everything we’ve been though, I hope you know you can be honest with me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Johnny said. He looked at her. “I never want to hurt you. You know that, don’t you?”

“I do,” she said, and he relaxed a little. “I know we don’t have all the answers. We’re taking this one step at a time, right? We had that fight, and well—” She wrinkled her nose. “We didn’t really resolve anything, I guess.”

No. He’d changed the subject, and they’d ended up in bed. “I guess not.”

“And I’m not trying to pick up the conversation where we left off, not really. I just want you to know you don’t have to hide how you feel about Lulu from me. You’ll probably always love Lulu just a little bit. Even if she never comes back from this—which I refuse to accept by the way—The way it ended—so abruptly—how could you feel any other way? What did you say in Vegas? You were right.  We’re not hurting anyone. Not really. No one whose opinions matter to us, right? We’re young, we like each other. And maybe we were a little bit lonely.”

“You don’t think you deserve better than that?”

“I think,” Nadine said carefully, “that I make my own choices, and if I had wanted things to be different, they would be. You didn’t seduce me, Johnny. You tempted me. There was a difference. And we both know you did that because you wanted to distract yourself from everything else.” Her smile was a bit crooked. “Right now, it’s working for us. When that stops, we’ll deal with it.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He blew out his breath.

“If you didn’t know about Nikolas, what brought you here?”

“Oh.” He frowned. “I, uh, I guess I just wanted to see you.” When she just looked at him, he shrugged but looked away. “I’m still getting used to these long shifts. I need to figure out something to do when you’re not at home.”

Home. It didn’t feel strange to hear him describe her—their—tiny apartment that way. She smiled. “We’ll talk about when I go off rotation this weekend.” Nadine slid off the ledge, then kissed his cheek. “I better get back to work. I’ll see you at home.”

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