Out of the darkness and into the sun (into the sun)
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And break away, break away, break away
– Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson

---

Thursday, November 6, 2008

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

 Nadine flipped through paperwork, searching for a patient’s discharge summary. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Matt Hunter standing in front of Robin’s hospital room, his hand hovering over the handle.

He pulled it back, walked a few steps away, then doubled back. Nearly reached for the door again, then dropped his hand. She lifted her head to get a better look, then winced when Matt caught her staring and immediately headed in the opposite direction.

What would it be like, Nadine wondered, to end up working alongside the half-brother your father chose over you? To be confronted every day with the family that you’d been denied because of his selfishness? She and Matt had definitely gotten off on the wrong foot when she’d suspected him of some nefarious intentions at the clinic, but she knew what it was like to be rejected by her father and to be at odds with her only sibling.

Her father had barely stuck around long enough to be named on the birth certificate, and as for Jolene—

Nadine lifted her eyes to the ceiling, where several floors above her, Jolene lay in a coma, unresponsive and unlikely to wake up.

The ding of the elevator doors brought her gaze back down, and a scowl spread across her face when she saw Nikolas step out. She lifted her paperwork and headed for the back exit of the nurse’s station, uninterested in another round of what a horrible human she was.

“Nadine—Nadine—just—” She heard Nikolas’s steps quicken, and he caught her just before she reached the staff room.

“Don’t touch—” She whirled around, slapped at the hand holding her elbow. “Don’t touch me.”

He immediately backed up, hands held up in surrender. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just—I wanted to talk to you.”

“I’ve had enough talking from you, thanks. I don’t need you to tell me what a garbage person I am.”

“I wasn’t—” Nikolas swallowed hard. “I deserve that reaction, especially with what I said—”

“Exactly—” She turned away, reaching for the door handle.

“But I’d appreciate if you’d let me apologize.”

Nadine sighed, muttered under her breath. She was such a soft touch — and had such a desperate need to please, to be liked. “You have one minute—” she said, facing him again, clutching her charts more tightly. “Make it good.”

“I’m sorry,” Nikolas said. “I got a brutal reminder that life goes on, even when everything else seems to stop, and I didn’t—I didn’t really appreciate it. It’s just—it’s not an excuse, but for the last month, I’ve been visiting Lulu every day and it’s—” He looked away, exhaled in a rush. “It’s not easy looking in her eyes and seeing nothing, you know? Everything that made her who she is, that made her special and alive, it’s just gone. She’s like a doll. You can lift her hand and lead her around, but there’s nothing inside.”

Nadine bit her lip, her heart softening despite her best intentions. “I stopped visiting Jolene because it was hard to see her that way. I can’t imagine what it’s like to see it in Lulu. I truly am sorry, Nikolas—”

“No, I know—I know.” He cleared his throat. “You looked after her when she was here. And I was grateful for it. So when Alexis told us you’d married Johnny a few days later, I just—I let myself forget who you are. I just assumed you’d done it to impress him. And Maxie didn’t exactly reassure me.”

“Maxie doesn’t have a reassuring bone in her body. She’s been angry at us since the beginning.” Nadine shifted the files again. “Nikolas—”

“You don’t have to explain what you’re doing with Johnny. You don’t—”

“I’m not sure I can,” Nadine confessed, and he looked at her, his brows pulled together quizzically. “It started because of Lulu. Because I felt sorry for him. For all of you. And he was just so sad, you know? I just wanted to help him. Maybe figure out how to convince you to let him see her in California. But…well, things happened. I’m sure you heard about Sonny.”

“Yeah. Was…was that why you were on the pier that day? Talking to him about Lulu?”

“I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you anything about any of it. Other than I promise you that until you and Lulu were gone, Johnny and I were nothing but friendly acquaintances,” Nadine said. “That’s not what we are now, and I’m not going to make any apologies for that.”

“I don’t—I don’t expect you to.” Nikolas nodded. “Okay. Okay. That was more of an explanation than I deserved. Lucky and I—we’re here to fly back with my mother. I don’t plan to come back unless Lu recovers. So I just—I just wanted to say thank you. For forcing me to live again.”

“Thank you for your friendship. I wish you the best. I mean that, Nikolas,” she said when he started to turn away. “I hope there’s a miracle, and you get Lulu and your mother back. I like Lulu. I know that might seem insane, but I’d rather her be here, screaming at me, than locked up the way she is now. I’d give anything to save you the kind of hell that you’ve been through with your mother.”

“Thanks. Take care of yourself, Nadine.” He kissed her cheek, then left.

Lake House: Hallway

Sam left the guest room and started down the hallway towards the living room, hesitating when she heard a familiar voice with her mother. Maybe she should stay out of sight until Diane left, she thought, remembering that Jason’s lawyer would likely have no love for her. The annoying woman knew far too much about Sam and her acrimonious breakup with Jason for Sam’s comfort, and she had no problem imagining Elizabeth unloading all her fury with Lucky in the weeks since they’d gone.

Sam had tagged along on the return to Port Charles to see her mother and sisters, but she’d been curious to see if Lucky would be able to repair the bridges he’d burned leaving so abruptly — if he would, as he’d boasted in California, be able to use his connections to Elizabeth’s grandmother to guilt Elizabeth into letting him have visitation with the boys after all.

Sam doubted it but figured it would be worth it for Lucky to get a dose of reality — and if it bothered Jason or made waves in his apparent happy life with Elizabeth — well, there was no reason not to have a front row seat.

Sam hovered by the doorway, waiting for a sign that Diane wouldn’t be staying long.

“I still think you can get a better price on that property,” her mother said. “I think another meeting with the council—”

Diane snorted, and there was some rustling of paper. “Please. If I even suggest to Jason that he meet with one more politician, he’ll throw me out of his office. That man does not like schmooze.” There was a beat of silence. “Ironic, if you ask me. Sonny always liked that part of the job, and those city councilors never wanted to meet with him.”

“Jason will never admit it, but his Quartermaine connections open more doors for him. You absolutely should bring it up to him. Point out that everything that makes him seem respectable will be good for the kids.”

Sam made a face at this reminder, but Diane’s tone was thoughtful when she responded, “You have a point. He’s really embraced this whole father thing. Elizabeth is going back to work this week, and they didn’t even bother to hire a nanny. Jason brings Jake everywhere with him, even to the coffee house. I couldn’t imagine wanting to spend so much time with a toddler. They’re so…sticky.”

“No one would ever mistake you for possessing maternal feelings,” Alexis responded dryly, and Diane snickered.

“I’ll stop by there today, bring it up to him. I’ll have a little more coffee first, and another Danish.”

Sam rolled her eyes, and headed back down the hallway towards the kitchen and back door. Sounded like Diane wasn’t leaving any time soon, and she had places to be.

General Hospital: Parking Garage

Anna slammed the car door and offered Mac another scowl. “I simply don’t understand how you can be so resistant! You saw the same as I did yesterday!”

Mac sighed, closed his car door more sedately. “Patrick is a first-time father. He’s overprotective and a control freak. That’s what I saw yesterday.”

She came around the trunk of the car, planted her hands on her hips. “I overheard him telling that blonde nurse that she had to double check everything, every medication, even the epidural—”

“Do I think that’s overboard, sure—”

“I told you that Elizabeth Webber’s complication made no sense, and you refuse to let me tell you the results of the toxicology—”

“Because I can’t use anything that the WSB didn’t get legally, and you know they didn’t go through the right channels. If they did, you’d be using them. So, no, Anna—” Mac clenched his jaw. “I don’t want to know something I can’t do anything about. Get me those records in a way that doesn’t get them tossed out of court, and maybe we’ll talk.”

“But—”

“But nothing. I’ve told you over and over since the day you came here—I can’t help you more than I already have. I’ve told you what I know. I’ve opened my case files. Robin’s healthy. Emma is perfect. Everything went according to plan, and if there is something going on, Patrick’s on top of it. You don’t even know that he’s doing anything illegal—”

“What about unethical? Does that not count for anything?”

“Don’t talk to me about ethics,” Mac said. He shrugged off her hand, headed for the elevators. “Don’t you dare stand there as a representative from the WSB and talk about ethics. They had you committing God knows how many crimes as a double agent—”

“That was for the greater good—”

“Who determines that?” Mac turned back, his scowl deepening. “Who decides any of that? What’s good, what’s bad? Where’s the line, Anna? How do you decide that what you’ve done is any better than what you think Patrick is doing? Or Jason Morgan? I don’t work with ethics. I don’t work with morality. I work with the law. Because that’s all I’ve got, and you used to understand that. You used to respect that.”

“I do—”

“Really? Really? You want to talk about respecting the law, being ethical? You came here and dug in your daughter’s life because she used to date Jason Morgan. Because she’s still close to his family. And now you’re digging in Patrick’s life because maybe something happened to Elizabeth Webber on his watch, and he’s covering it up—”

“He is—”

“Really? You can stand there and tell me that what happened to her was illegal?” Mac demanded. “You know for sure that Elizabeth and her family weren’t made aware of what was going on? That they don’t have these toxicology results? How do you know Elizabeth isn’t keeping what happened quiet because it’s connected to Jason? Why are you so sure it’s Patrick?”

“Because it would have to involve him. He would have to sign off on not investigating—”

“And how do you know he didn’t? Spinelli was hanging around here back then. Maybe everything that happened is completely above board. You’ve got nothing. Even with your toxicology reports. But hey, Anna, if you’re so sure that Patrick is committing crimes, that he’s in cahoots with the mob, ask him.”

Anna pursed her lips, folded her arms. “I can’t. I was directed to keep my cover—”

“Because then Robin would know why you’re really here. So you want me to be the bad guy. I’m not interested, Anna. So either find me something I can actually use or drop it. I’m done having this argument.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

“For that, Lucky, for making you believe I ever thought you were better, I am sorry.” 

The whole trip had been a waste of time. He ought to have let Nikolas come and handle their mother’s transfer on his own for all the good it had done to get on a plane and travel three thousand miles just to have Elizabeth sneer at him.

Lucky tuned out Sam and Nikolas talking about plans for their return to California, Sam’s interest in getting her private investigator’s license in California, Nikolas setting up office space for Cassadine Industries— he was a million miles away.

No, not a million. Just a few. Just standing outside of his house, listening to his ex-wife heap vitriol and hatred on his head as if she was some perfect woman who had never made a mistake. Who had carried on an emotional affair with another man for more than year? Who had lied about the paternity of her son? Who had humiliated him over and over again, year after year—

What right did Elizabeth have to stand in front of his family’s home — the family that had taken her in and loved her more than her own ever had—and denounce Lucky as a father, a husband, and a man?

“I never thought you were the better choice for Jake.”

He’d done a lot of wrong in his life, but he’d never deserved the lies she’d told him. Had she and Jason been laughing at him all this time? Having their affair, keeping their secrets, pretending they were some sort of star-crossed Romeo and Juliet? He was a violent criminal, and she was a lying bitch.

“I just wanted to make sure you know that in every way that matters, you will never measure up to him.”

 “Lucky?”

He jolted when his brother kicked him lightly beneath the table. “What?” Lucky cleared his throat, focused on his girlfriend and Nikolas. “Sorry, I zoned out.”

“We were just wondering if there was anything we left out,” Sam said, tipping her head to the side. “Nikolas asked if you wanted to stop by your aunt’s—”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Your mom said she was still pissed at me, and I’m guessing Aunt Bobbie has heard Elizabeth’s side of the story, too,” Lucky said, making a face. “And I just know Carly is on Jason’s side. You know how she manipulates her mother.”

“Well, if you don’t want to stop by Bobbie’s, then there’s really nothing keeping us here. Mom’s transfer is set,” Nikolas said. “Paperwork is signed. Unless you’ve changed your mind about staying a few more days, talking to that custody lawyer I told you about.”

“Maybe you should talk to him,” Sam said, and Lucky looked at her, frowning. “I know you said you didn’t want a long, drawn-out custody battle, especially if you’ll lose. But if something happens to Cam or Jake, well, you’ll regret it, won’t you? Not doing something. I told you what I heard at my mother’s this morning, about Jason bringing Jake to the coffee house.” She lowered her voice, and leaned in. “I told you, Sonny used to use that place to meet all kinds of people, and you just know Jason’s doing the same thing. Think about Jake being around all of that.”

Lucky dragged a hand down his face. “No,” he said after a long moment. “No, I hate that they’re in this life. That Elizabeth has done this to them, but she made it pretty clear last night that she’d fight anything I tried, and I did myself no favors taking off the way I did.” He glanced at Nikolas who made a show of sipping his coffee, saying nothing. “I did what I thought was right at the time, but we never had a custody agreement. And we all know Jason can fight dirtier than me.”

Sam sighed. “All right, but—”

“I’ve made up my mind. Our life is in California now. It was the right choice,” Lucky said. “A fresh start for all of us away from bad memories and, well, past mistakes.” His mouth firmed as he remembered Elizabeth’s parting words.

 “Because I promise you, Jason and I will make sure that they never remember you.”

“There’s just one stop I want to make before we go.”

Jacks Estate: Michael’s Bedroom

 “Pilar said you were up here.”

Carly paused in the act of laying a stack of folded sweaters into a box, looking up to find her mother at the threshold of Michael’s room. “I thought you were going to spend the day with Nikolas and Lucky.”

Bobbie made a face, then came in and sat on the edge of Michael’s bed. “I started to. I met them for breakfast at Kelly’s and only made it through coffee before Lucky made me angry. Rather than throw my tea at him, I left.”

Carly sat back on her heels, tracing the seam of one of the sweater collars. “Was it about the kids? I haven’t—I wanted to ask Jason how that was going, but there’s been so much going on, and well, he’s made it clear I’m not exactly the person he’d confide in anyway.”

“Carly—”

“I’ve been organizing Sonny’s move to Silver Water. That looks like it can be done next week, which is good. Some closure on that. And I was thinking—this house is just too big for me and Morgan.” Carly closed the drawer she’d emptied, opened another. “When Jax and I deal with the property, I think I’ll tell him he can buy me out or we can just sell—”

Bobbie tipped her head. “Have you decided to file for divorce?”

“No. No, we can’t seem to bring up the word yet, but we’ll get there. And you know, this room is just sitting here.” Carly removed a stack of T-shirts, laid them on top of the sweaters. “Morgan can have the toys, but I thought maybe I could donate the clothes. They’re in good shape—some—some haven’t been worn—”

“Carly—” Bobbie came over, knelt down. “Let’s take a minute—”

“No, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve been putting it off because I didn’t want to face it, but there’s no point in pretending. Sonny is gone, just like Michael. It’s—” She looked at her mother, blurred through the tears that stung her eyes. “The rehab center called. They managed to find Sonny a room down the hall from Michael. They’ll be near each other. It’ll make it easier when I visit, but they’ll never know that. They’ll never know—” Her voice broke, and she pressed a fist against her mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know you’ve been through this with BJ, and I’m acting like I’m the first person to lose someone—”

“It was different with BJ,” Bobbie said, though her voice faltered a bit. “It was,” she insisted when Carly just shook her head. “With BJ, there was closure. There was an ending. A devastating ending but all the same — we knew she was gone. With Michael and Sonny — there’s just enough hope to keep them alive. But not enough to dream about them coming home one day and having life go back to the way it was. I want so badly to believe that they’ll both come out of this—”

“What kind of person does it make me that I don’t wish that?” Carly murmured. “I don’t know if I want Sonny to wake up.”

“Carly.”

“He’s the father of my children, and I can’t help but think—God, wouldn’t we all be better off if that bullet had been just a little to the right and maybe it would all be over. It’s not right, it’s not fair that we have to do this again when we just put Michael through this six months ago. Morgan still asks for them both. And I can’t do anything about it. I can’t bring him to see them — he’ll never understand why they can’t wake up. And there’s no grave — it’s just this horrible non-ending. And I hate it. You’re right. There’s no closure. There’s just…this horrible future that I can’t do anything about.”

Coffee House: Jason’s Office

Elizabeth had returned to work that morning, leaving before either of the boys woke up, and after dropping Cameron off at preschool, Jason had worked at home that morning, going over some paperwork, catching up on things he’d pushed aside while Jake took his morning nap and had lunch.

But after lunch, there were things that had to be done in person, so Jason headed to the coffee house, packing Jake up with a bag of toys and snacks, reminding himself that he needed to set something up more permanent at the office so that Jake had an area to play in without having to drag bags back and forth.

Jake was happy enough sitting on the floor by the sofa, playing with his dump truck and some of his other favorite toys that made noise. Then he wanted to color, and Jason switched areas with him, setting him up at the desk with crayons, blank paper and coloring books, and went to read the reports on the sofa.

He just liked being in the same room with his son, keeping one eye on him, listening to him amuse himself — having a conversation with himself as he picked out crayons. It reminded him of that first Christmas in the studio, when he’d recuperated from his gunshot wound and Elizabeth had sung to herself while painting.

About an hour before it was time to pick up Cameron, Jake climbed down from Jason’s desk chair, and headed to the bag they’d packed. Jason didn’t raise his head from the contract, but his eyes were on the toddler the whole time.

Jake dug through it, then came up with Chuggin’ Charlie Rides Again, his current favorite book. He came to Jason, held it out. “Book. Daddy. Read.”

Without a second thought, Jason set the paperwork aside, lifted Jake in his arms, and they leaned back, Jake holding the book open.

A few pages in, Jason heard voices outside — Francis’s voice closer to the door, and easier to recognize. He’d been told that only Diane and Elizabeth were to interrupt him unless it was an emergency, so Jason returned his attention to the book, making it to the end of another page before the voices in the hall got closer—and louder.

And Jason recognized the second only a moment before the door crashed open, and Lucky was there.

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