Let me know the way
Before there’s hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I’ve got to make a play
To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say the devil wants to know
– Criminal, Fiona Apple

---

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

 Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

Johnny had been pacing the length of the apartment for what felt like hours — he’d tried to distract himself with movies, with television — hell, he’d even gone for a run which he hated. But he found himself right back where he started, going from the bedroom door at the far end of the apartment to the edge of the living room wall.

He wanted to call Nadine, wanted to go see her, but couldn’t for the life of him think of a good reason to just show up at the hospital and bother her at work.

But—

The ring of his cell phone jerked him out of his circular thoughts, and he all but dived for the phone charging on the table next to the sofa. “Hello?”

“You sound out of breath, my friend.”

Johnny’s fingers clenched the phone more tightly. “What the hell do you want?”

“Oh, just wondering why you’re still at home and not at the hospital with your wife.”

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

 General Hospital: Hallway

Nadine sat stiffly in the hallway, her arms wrapped around her upper body, staring down at the linoleum tiled floor. She knew. She knew what was going to happen even before the code team had shuffled out of the room.

A doctor—an intern she didn’t even know—had looked at her with puppy dog brown eyes and told her they’d done all they could, but her sister was gone. Someone would be there shortly to discuss what was next.

And then the code team had gone, leaving her alone in the hallway. She sat down, waited.

She felt the weight of someone sitting beside her.  “Nadine.”

She looked over, wondering if her eyes looked as empty as she felt, and recognized the doctor with whom she’d clashed with so often over the summer. But none of that hostility was in his eyes, only warmth, compassion — pity. She took a deep breath. “Matt.”

“Your sister was on my service. I didn’t—” He looked back towards the room, his eyes squinting slightly. “I don’t know what happened.”

“She died.” Nadine licked her lips. “My sister. She just…” With an empty, helpless gesture, she lifted her hand in the air, then dropped it again. “She coded.”

“I know, it’s just—” He shook his head. “Never mind, that—I’ll look into it. Do you—is there someone I can call? Did you call your husband already?”

Her husband. Because that’s what you did when things went wrong. You called your family. She didn’t have any of that, not really. Nothing real. Nadine lifted her head, looking at him. “Did you ever go to see Robin?”

Matt drew his brows together, thrown by the change in topic. “What?”

“Last week. I saw you—you kept walking up to her door and walking away. Did you ever go in?”

“No. I didn’t—” He closed his mouth when Jolene’s hospital room door opened, and a pair of orderlies rolled a gurney out of the room, a sheet drawn up over the figure.

Over her sister’s body.

“She killed people, did you know that?” Nadine looked at him. “My sister. She came here and took money to tank the hospital. Make them look worse, drive their stock price down.”

“Do hospitals have stock?” he asked, and she smiled lightly.

“I don’t know. I don’t even really understand what Jolene was asked to do, but she’d have done anything for money. But then she got hurt,” she murmured, staring at the empty hospital room where her sister had lived for the last year. “She threw herself in front of Spinelli and ended up in a coma. Now she’s dead.”  That was it. Her sister’s entire history, all that would be featured in the obituaries. If anyone still cared enough to write one.

“Let me call someone. Epiphany or — Spinelli.”

“I grew up with her, Matt. We shared a room. Argued over clothes, boys, the car, anything you can think of. She was my family. All the family I had.” Nadine got to her feet. “You should have gone in the room, Matt.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to call—”

“I don’t feel anything. I know that’s shock, how grief can hit you, but there’s just…nothing.” She furrowed her brow. “I wasn’t prepared for what it would feel like to be empty.”

“It’ll hit,” Matt said. He stood, a bit awkwardly, his body already angling towards the hallway. Towards escape. “Nadine—”

“I’m okay. Just—” She held out a hand. “Give me the paperwork. Whatever I have to sign.”

Crimson: Lobby

Maxie jumped to her feet when Kate stepped off the elevators, her large blue eyes wide. “You’re back. I thought—”

“I didn’t wait for them to—” Kate stopped and took a deep breath. “I didn’t wait for the transfer.” The thought of standing there, watching Sonny being rolled past her towards an elevator— She couldn’t bear it. Couldn’t manage it. She sailed past Maxie, into her office. “How did the conference call go with New York?”

Maxie followed her. “Mina handled everything. Really, Kate. I can handle things from here if you—”

“Want to go home to my empty house and wallow in the emptiness of my future?” Kate asked dryly. She sat behind her desk, reached for the mail Maxie had already sorted. “I suppose if I were really the widow, I could drive behind the ambulance to Manhattan, wailing into my—” She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m a bit on edge. You’re only expressing concern, and that’s kind of you.”

“You don’t need to apologize. Really.” Maxie twisted her fingers together. “Everyone deals with things however they want. And you know, it’s not—it’s not like he’s…”

“It’s not like he’s dead,” Kate murmured. “It felt like a funeral. His loved ones gathering. I think his father came up yesterday. Jason was there. I saw Robin Scorpio as I was leaving, and I know she was close to Sonny once.” She tipped her head. “All of us, saying our goodbyes, standing by his bed as if life support were being removed. I suppose that’s why I didn’t wait for the transfer. It would have been like watching pallbearers.”

Maxie smiled weakly. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I get it though, you know, why everyone is doing that. Before, um, before Lulu went to California, I gave her one last pep talk. But mostly I just wanted a chance to talk to her. Even to argue. I wish…I guess maybe when you’ve lost someone, you don’t want to leave the words unsaid. Sonny’s not dead, but it’s kind of like he is. Even if he comes home one day—”

“He’ll come back to a different world.” Kate tipped her head. “I suppose that’s fair enough. With what Jason and Carly have lost this year. You never know when it’s the last time.”

“I don’t remember the last thing I said to my sister.” Maxie looked down at her nails, cleared her throat. “It used to keep me up at night, wondering if maybe I’d said something awful or teased her about Spinelli. You’d think—” Her voice faltered and it seemed thinner when she spoke again. “Georgie and Coop, they’re not even the first people I’ve lost. Three years ago…my boyfriend, Jesse. He was shot in the head. Died on the table.”

Kate laid both her hands flat on her desk, considered her assistant in an entirely new light. “That’s an awful lot of loss for someone so young,” she told Maxie. “I’m so very sorry—”

“I’m not, like, saying it because I wanted pity. Because I don’t. I’m fine now. It’s just—I kind of admire how you’re holding up. I wish I’d been able to do that. To just…not…” she smiled grimly. “Spiral out of control, but maybe it’s the only way I know how to do anything.”

“And how am I holding up?” Kate rose to her feet. “Like a pillar of strength?” Her tone was cool now, but Maxie wasn’t deterred.

“You came back to work. You didn’t decide to make everyone else’s life miserable, too. I did that. When Jesse died. I kind of went insane for…maybe a year, I guess. But your way is better—”

“Better.” The older woman reached for her purse. “To go through life never feeling anything? You think that’s better?”

“No, but—” Maxie bit her lip. “It’s better than getting involved with a married man and feeding his pill habit, then faking a pregnancy, then a miscarriage so he’d feel bad for you.”

Kate blinked. “Well, I suppose that’s…the other side of the coin. A bit extreme, I’ll grant you.” She waited a moment. “Working at Couture was everything I always wanted. And I had to let go of that dream. Create a new one. I never thought Sonny would ever come back into my life, and then he did.” Her lip trembled slightly, and she closed her eyes. “Just like when we were kids. He burst in, broke me to pieces, and then left.”

“I thought you were the one that left him back then.”

“He left first. Working for Joe Scully. He wouldn’t even think about a real future. All he ever wanted was enough power so no one would ever lock him in the dark again. But it was never enough for him.”  She looked away, took a careful breath, a glimmer of tears in her eyes. “And now, well, all he has is the dark.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

Nadine stared at the clipboard, the tip of her pen resting just above the paper. Name of decedent. Jolene Leigh Crowell.

Her sister was dead. Her superficial, shallow, greedy, homicidal sister was dead. She had to decide whether to bury her here in Port Charles, bring her home to Ohio, or cremate her. What would she even do with the ashes? Did Nadine take her home, put Jolene on the mantel or something?

Maybe she should just bury the ashes or spread them. Where? In the fields back home? In the cow pastures?

She set both the clipboard and the pen on the table in front of her, putting her head in her hands.

Behind her, the elevators opened and Johnny skidded out, whipping his head back and forth, scanning the entire area, and then he saw her, turned and saw her on the sofa– relief that flooded every cell of his body was nearly overwhelming—he braced one hand against the wall—Christ, what did he really expect? Was Jerry Jacks just fucking with him, or—

Johnny took a deep breath, then went over to her. “Nadine—”

Her head jerked up, and she shot to her feet, her cheeks pale, her blue eyes too wide for her face. “Johnny. You—did Matt call you? I told him not to, but he must have or someone else— and you came—” She lifted one hand to her lips, and it was trembling. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t—”

“Hey. Hey.” Johnny stepped forward, pulled her into his arms. “We’ll figure it out. Okay? We’ll make it okay.”

“I don’t know if you can—” Nadine drew back slightly, and her lower lip quivered, her beautiful eyes suddenly welling with tears. “I didn’t even like her. She did terrible, awful things to good people who didn’t deserve it, but she never gets to wake up again. She’s dead, Johnny. You can’t fix that.”

His mind raced as he processed Nadine’s words—the only person in her world that fit all those facts—that would explain why Nadine was at the hospital, looking like her world had crumbled—

Jolene. Her sister. Nadine’s sister was dead.

And it was his fault.

General Hospital: Break Room

“Sorry—” Matt scooped a stack of folders from the floor, and flashed a half smile at Epiphany who just leveled a glare at him. “I didn’t mean to bump into you—” he held them out. “I was reading and walking, and I know better.”

“Yeah, yeah—this one isn’t mine—” Epiphany shoved a folder back at him, but her eye caught the label, and she tugged it back. “Why do you have Jolene Crowell’s file?”

“Oh. She, uh, she coded a little while ago. I was actually going to ask you about her case—”

“She—she coded?” Epiphany blinked. “She’s been stable for months and you’re telling me she went into cardiac arrest today?”

“Yeah, I thought it was weird. You don’t see that much in long term coma patients.” Matt took the file back from her, flipped through it. “I wanted to look through her results, see if maybe we missed something, you know? Like maybe some functions were low. Usually a long-term patient goes, there’s some signs of decline.”

“And?”

“Nothing. I asked Nadine to sign for an autopsy. She might not think of it now, being in shock and all, but—” Matt shrugged. “Later, she’ll be glad she knows for sure. I’d hate to think we missed something.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’d hate that.” Epiphany followed him out of the break room and down the hall where they saw Nadine by the elevators, hugging Johnny.

“Oh, good, she changed her mind,” Matt said.

“What?”

“She didn’t want me to call anyone—” He gestured with the file in hand. “But she must have called Johnny after all. Or maybe he came to see her. Good timing if that’s true. I better get back on my rounds.”

“Yeah—” Epiphany watched Matt disappear around another corner, then looked again at the couple by the elevator. Nadine was crying, and Johnny was holding her, his face pale, and eyes hollow. Could he be that upset about a sister-in-law he’d never met? “Some excellent timing,” she muttered. “Or maybe someone has a guilty conscience.”

Vista Point: Observation Deck

The drive up the cliff roads wasn’t the same in the SUV, not even with the windows down, but Jason hadn’t been ready to go home, and there was still time before Cameron had to be picked up at school. He’d ignored the turn off to Harborview Drive, and kept going, climbing the familiar hills until they’d reached the summit.

Now he stood by the railing, his hand wrapped around the bar, welcoming the wind that whipped around. But he’d forgotten how bitterly cold the November air already was until he saw a shiver roll through Elizabeth’s body, and she pulled the ends of her sweater more tightly around her. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” he told her, turning towards her. “We’ll go—”

“I can stand it for a few minutes.” She leaned against the railing, looking out over the lake, out to the mists that surrounded the hulking mass of Wyndemere. “I wonder if he’ll sell the place,” she murmured. “I can’t understand how he’d want to live there again.”

“Should be burned to the ground,” Jason bit out, and she looked at him. “I’m okay.”

“I know.”

“I said what I needed to say to him, and I’m okay.”

She didn’t answer this time, just watched him, and he had to look away, to return his gaze to the gray waters that stretched forever, eventually fading into the horizon at the world’s end.

“He was always there,” Jason said. “Even when he wasn’t. When he was gone from Port Charles or I was, I knew I could call him. If there was something…” He looked at her. “I’ve never really been on my own. Not since I met him. I hate him for letting me into this life, for not stopping me.” He looked down at the guard rail, picked at the peeling paint. “But if he hadn’t, I’d probably be dead. I was reckless, impulsive. Stupid. Driving too fast, getting into trouble in all the worst ways. I did what I wanted when I wanted. He gave me something, I guess. Even if it was just looking out for him. Taking care of him. Proving to myself and anyone who looked at me wrong that I could take over for him.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “I’m standing here with you because of him.”

“Well, I don’t know about that,” she teased lightly, and the corner of his mouth tugged up. “We met in a bar that had nothing to do with Sonny, and Emily was my best friend even without you. I kind of like the idea that we were inevitable, don’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“It’s hard,” Elizabeth said, “to lose your best friend. It doesn’t matter that I still have you and I have so many people who love me. Losing Emily, my best friend, my sister, my other half, it changed me, Jason. And I’m still learning all the ways that I’m different now. You don’t have to have all the answers today or even tomorrow.”

And of course she’d understand. Jason reached for her, tugging her close by the sleeve of her sweater. She lifted her face to his and he kissed her, just briefly because he could feel her shivering.

He wrapped her in his arms, and she sighed happily, sliding her arms around his waist, beneath his coat. “If you could think of one thing you wanted to do tonight,” Jason began, “what would it be?”

“Mmm…paper chains.” Elizabeth tilted her head back to grin at him. “Christmas will be here before you know it, and I want to make paper chains with the boys. All of us. Or did you have something else in mind?”

“No, that sounds perfect. Let’s go home and make paper chains.”

Drake Condo: Nursery

Robin handed the freshly diapered and powered newborn to her father, smiling as Patrick cradled her against his shoulder, stroking his hand up and down their daughter’s back. “You’re a natural with her, I knew you would be.”

“Glad one of us did.”

“I’m glad I went today,” Robin said, following him to the living room as he walked the laps they’d already learned were necessary to lull Emma into taking her afternoon nap. She leaned against the sofa. “Even though it meant dealing with Carly. I’m just sorry if it made harder for Jason.”

“I’ve noticed she doesn’t have much of a chill factor.” Patrick squinted. “Does it bother you that I’m friendly with her?”

Robin wrinkled her nose. “Maybe in the beginning, but it’s not like you’re best friends. I don’t have to constantly deal with Carly in my life and my business. I don’t know how Elizabeth hasn’t thrown her out a window, but I give her until Christmas.”

“That’s cheerful—” Patrick’s phone vibrated on the charger where he left. “Can you check that?”

“Sure—” Robin picked it up, flipped it open to see the caller id. “It’s Epiphany, do you—” When Patrick gave her the nod, she lifted it to her ear. “Hey, is everything okay?”

“I’m sorry, Dr. Scorpio, to disturb you both at home. But I think there’s something Dr. Drake needs to know. Immediately.”

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