Today was gonna be the day, but they’ll never throw it back to you
And by now, you should’ve somehow realised what you’re not to do
I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now
And all the roads that lead you there were winding
And all the lights that light the way are blinding
There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don’t know how
– Wonderwall, Oasis

---

Thursday, February 3, 2000

PCPD: Squad Room

“Wait here,” Jason murmured to Elizabeth by the doors. “I’m just going to talk to Alexis, and then we’ll get out of here.”

“All right.” Elizabeth caught his hand as he started to walk away. “Hey.” He looked back at her. “None of this is your fault,” she told him. “It’s not.”

He squeezed her hand, then released it. She was wrong, of course, but he appreciated the attempt. If he’d told Sonny weeks ago, if he’d found a way to do it more quietly, he could have kept this from blowing up.

But instead, he’d waited. He’d been selfish, trying to protect himself and Michael, and not doing what was right. Now Sonny had been arrested for assault and trespassing, Carly was in the wind, and Michael’s life was going to be destroyed anyway. All Jason had done with his silence was delay the inevitable.

“Hey.” Alexis emerged from the interrogation room with a sigh. “Alan’s holding firm on the charges of trespassing, and right now, AJ’s not in the mood to deal.”

Jason scrubbed his hands down his face. “They’ll back down eventually,” he muttered. “To protect the name. The last thing they want is to be splashed over the papers with all of this.”

“You’re probably right. When Edward gets down here,” Alexis continued, “I suspect he’ll talk to Alan. AJ’s angry. Humiliated. Which he has a right to be, I guess—” She bit her lip. “I don’t think I can get Sonny out today. Maybe later tonight if I can get a quick arraignment, but—”

“That’s fine.” Jason glanced back at Elizabeth, then at Taggert who was glaring in her direction. “I need time to track Carly down and it’s easier if—”

“Why bother?” Alexis wanted to know. “What purpose—”

“I don’t care about her,” Jason interrupted. “But Carly’s angry. And panicking. She does her worst damage at this point. Shooting Tony, having me arrested for kidnapping—” He shook his head. “And she’s going to take it out on me. The last time she did that—”

“Right.” Alexis held up a finger. “Excuse me.” She stalked towards Taggert who had just stood. “Going somewhere?” she asked coolly. Taggert tore his eyes away from Elizabeth and looked at the attorney.

“I just thought I’d ask—”

“She’s represented by counsel and there’s an injunction against this department. You’re not allowed to breathe in her direction,” Alexis reminded him. “And we’re still reserving our right to sue—”

“I didn’t—” Taggert took a deep breath. “None of that is my fault—”

“No?” Alexis arched a brow, then tapped the shield he wore on a chain around his neck. “This makes it your fault. You were the lead officer on that search and you knew from prior encounters that Capelli was overly aggressive and angry with my client. You let him into that penthouse. You let him go upstairs to search her personal possessions. You let her go upstairs with him—”

“She went on her own—”

“Protect and serve,” Alexis cut in. “You stayed downstairs to harass Jason, and you let Capelli loose. Her wedding dress, by the way, couldn’t be repaired.”

Taggert grimaced, then looked over at Elizabeth again who just stared back at him. He returned his attention to Alexis. “You and I both know she’s protecting him. That she knows something about Moreno’s murder—”

“Prove it,” Alexis challenged. “Until then, stay away from my clients. Slapping a badge on your chest doesn’t make you a good man. You should know better than that.”

Jason waited for Alexis to back into the interrogation room before joining Elizabeth again. “Hey. Let’s get out of here.”

“Definitely.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason dropped his keys on the desk and rubbed the back of his neck. “When do you have class?”

“In a few hours.” Elizabeth perched on the arm of the sofa. “I’d skip it, but I can only miss two classes all semester, and I’d rather save that for something that isn’t about Carly.” She paused. “Will you call me if you find her?”

“I don’t think—” His sigh was heavy. “I don’t think we will tonight.” He grimaced. “I’m sorry.”

She hated to see him looking so lost, so upset with himself. He’d waited too long to tell the truth, she knew that, but he’d only wanted to protect Michael. It wasn’t really that terrible when it came down to it. “I went back to the studio last night,” she told him.

Jason looked at her, his expression grateful for the change in topic. “Yeah?”

“I’ve been trying to repaint the Wind,” she continued. “You know, the way it was before. With the Ferris wheel, and Angelina’s yellow door. But I can’t make it come out right. Something always feels off.”

He grimaced. “I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s—it sucks,” Elizabeth admitted. “But you know, it happens. Art gets destroyed. I’m taking this class about the history of architecture this year, and we were comparing the ruins in Greece to what historians think they looked like. The Parthenon, do you know it?”

“I’ve seen pictures.” He tipped his head. “What does that have to do with your painting?”

“It’s beautiful now. Even ruined. It must have been incredible when it was all put together, but it’s still beautiful now. Because you look at it, and you think about the civilization that created it.” Elizabeth stood and reached for his hand, drawing him closer. “When I wanted to paint the wind, it wasn’t just the visual I wanted to put on the canvas. I was trying to find a way to express how it felt, you know? The way it blocks out everything else and makes the world go away.”

“Is this your way of asking for a ride?” he asked, a little suspiciously. “Because you’re not driving—”

Elizabeth laughed. “No, but pencil that in for later. It’s been a few weeks since we’ve gone out.” She took a deep breath. “I can’t fix the painting that was ruined. And maybe if I kept trying, I could make another one that looks exactly the same. Just like they could rebuild all those ruined places. I want to see them, you know. In Athens. And in Rome, and everywhere else. You can rebuild it, but it won’t ever be the same. It’s okay. Because I already put that feeling on the canvas. I don’t need to look at it to remember how it felt.”

“I still hate that it happened. That you went through it—”

“Yeah, it still sucks.” Elizabeth traced a finger down his thin sweater, circling one of the buttons at the collar. “But the feeling is what mattered. That night at Jake’s, I was drowning, and I thought that it would never get any better. I was sure of it, and you made me feel like you understood that it would never get any better. You didn’t tell me it would, you just sat there and listened.” She flicked her eyes up to him. “And then you took me on the bike, and it went away. And eventually, it stayed away. The grief, it’s part of me. It always will be. But it doesn’t surround me. It’s not what I think about when I wake up. Or go to sleep.”

“I’m glad.” He stroked her cheek with the back of his knuckles, and she sighed. She loved when he touched her. “You did that for me, you know that, don’t you? I wasn’t much better back then.”

“Today, I decided to start trying to paint a new feeling.” She licked her lips and his eyes darkened slightly. She absolutely loved that she could do that. “I wasn’t just the girl who lost Lucky when I met you. I was the girl who was frozen forever in that night, always doomed to be crawling out of the bushes, looking for the pieces of my world that couldn’t ever be put back together.”

He exhaled slowly, his breath a bit shaky. “Elizabeth—”

“Even with Lucky, I never thought I’d move past that. Maybe I could get through it for him, and I knew he’d be kind. But I could never, ever imagine wanting someone to touch me. To look at me. I just knew I’d always be locked in that night.”

He brushed her cheek again, and she realized a tear had escaped. “So that’s what I’m trying to paint now. What it felt like when you showed me I was wrong.”

“You showed yourself,” Jason corrected, with a swift shake of his head. “I was just in the room—”

“Don’t do that,” Elizabeth said, fisting her hands in his sweater. “Don’t make yourself less that way or pretend that who you are and the way you took care of me wasn’t important. Not every man would have your patience and understanding. And not just any man would have made me feel more than just comfortable, but—” She hesitated, unsure of the right word. “Powerful,” she said finally. “You gave me back my power, Jason. That was you.”

He dipped his forehead down, rested against hers. “You trusted me. There aren’t words to tell you what it meant for you to do that.”

“No, there aren’t. So I’m trying to paint it instead, and when I do, I’ll be able to tell you about it.”

Quartermaine Mansion: Family Room

AJ stared at the minibar, at the decanter of vodka surrounded by other liquors. The glass tumblers by its side.

He’d thought Carly’s pregnancy was karma—the universe returning the favor and allowing AJ some revenge. He’d get to raise his brother’s child. He deserved that much, didn’t he?

But he’d been right that day with Carly — she was the punishment he deserved for what he’d done to his brother, what he’d done to his family. He’d been in this room with his parents, trying to block out the sound of their disappointment, the vision of their disgust—and Jason had been there, trying to make peace.

He’d give anything for that moment back, for just a chance not to leave the house. He’d go upstairs and sleep off the drunk, he’d wake up with a hangover but maybe then he’d go to rehab—

But there was no redemption. You couldn’t be forgiven for murder, and it didn’t matter if Jason hadn’t died. His brother, his beloved little brother, would never come home. It was worse, somehow, than death.

He deserved what Carly had done to him, and maybe he deserved even worse. He deserved to die himself, didn’t he? What kind of father could he ever be with his past, with his crimes?

As if in a trance, AJ reached for the vodka and poured himself a glass.

“Don’t—”

AJ turned and found Ned in the doorway, his hand up. “Don’t do it, AJ.”

“What’s the point?” AJ asked. He closed his eyes, wrapped both hands around the glass, letting the warmth of alcohol seep into his body, craving the burn as it slid down his throat. The way it would let him sink into nothing. All of this would go away. “Why bother staying sober?”

“For your son,” Ned said gently. He reached AJ and took the glass away. AJ didn’t fight. “Carly was a mistake. You did your best to give Michael a family, but that’s over now. She’s given you what you need to get her out your life for good. We’ll find her, AJ. You’ll serve her with papers, and it’ll finally be over.” Ned poured the vodka back into the decanter. “Carly’s not worth this.”

“I—” AJ swallowed hard. “I wanted it to work. I really tried.”

“I know you did.”

“I even asked Jason for permission,” he said. He met Ned’s eyes. “After you talked to me — I thought — I’ll get Jason’s blessing. And instead—”

“Instead, Jason decided to come forward. He must have been waiting. Maybe he thought it was your child. That there was a chance. Did you tell him there wasn’t?”

“Yeah.” AJ managed a laugh. “Yeah, I did. I tried to do the wrong thing in the right way. I guess I got what I deserved.” He exhaled slowly. “I won’t drink, Ned. Not tonight.”

“That’s enough then. We’ll take care of tomorrow when it comes.” Ned put his arm around AJ’s shoulders. “Let’s go upstairs. We’ll go see Michael, okay?”

“Okay.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason set the receiver down and put his head in his hands. Nothing. No sign of her. How the hell had Carly been able to disappear?

He glanced over when Elizabeth came through the door, her bag slung over her shoulder. “Hey. How was class?”

“Fine.” She dumped the bag on the sofa, then leaned against the side of the desk where he sat. “No luck?”

“No.” Jason leaned back, looking towards the ceiling. “She did this before. When Michael was born. She disappeared.”

“I remember.”

“There were decisions that had to be made about Michael. About his health. And he didn’t even have a name. I could have told the truth then.” He tilted his chin back down to look at her. “I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“Because I’d promised her,” Jason said. “And I knew what the Quartermaines would do. She’d never get the baby back. They’d use her leaving against them, and I just thought—she deserved a chance. But I should have told the truth.”

“You’re saying that now, two years later, because you have the advantage of knowing what she was capable of,” Elizabeth said gently. “Give yourself a break, Jason. You did the best you could at the time, and Michael’s better off for it. Maybe there were other times you could have told, but you’re only human. And you loved him. I know how much you still love him. He’ll always be a little bit yours.”

“I just—she’s out there,” Jason said slowly, “angry, scared, and panicking. And planning.”

“Jason, what can she do?” Elizabeth wanted to know. “I mean, to you? To Sonny? Or the Quartermaines? Realistically, what can she do now? What does she have left to hurt anyone with?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. He didn’t really have all that much to take, he thought. He had Lila and Emily. He had Elizabeth. He reached out for Elizabeth’s hands and drew her down to sit in his lap, holding her close. She tucked her head under his chin. He traced her wedding ring with the tip of his index finger.

“You’re doing the best you can, Jason. Carly, Sonny, and AJ are adults who can make their own mistakes.”

“Yeah. I’ll just feel better if she’s somewhere where she can be watched.” Jason exhaled slowly, then stroked Elizabeth’s back. “But there’s nothing else I can do until she makes a mistake and we find her.”

“Then I think—” Elizabeth shifted until she was straddling him, one knee on each side. “I think we should find something else to do.” She arched a brow. “I’m really tired of talking about Carly.”

“Me, too.” Jason grinned then, and swallowed her gasp with his mouth as he abruptly stood. He set her on the desk, and she parted her legs so he could get closer.

“You know, the desk is on that list of I made,” Elizabeth teased as she nipped his lips. “Right after the shower.”

Please tell me why
My car is in the front yard
And I’m sleeping with my clothes on
I came in through the window last night
And you’re long gone, gone
It’s no surprise to me, I am my own worst enemy
‘Cause every now and then, I kick the living shit out of me
The smoke alarm is going off, and there’s a cigarette
Still burning
– My Own Worst Enemy, Lit

---

Wednesday, February 3, 2000

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny looked from Jason to Elizabeth, then back again as he absorbed what Jason had just told him.

“I don’t know if you’re the only other person it could be,” Jason continued, “but AJ made it clear to me yesterday that it isn’t his baby.”

Sonny turned away, scrubbing his hands down his face. “How long?” he asked quietly. “How long have you known she was pregnant?”

“Sonny—” Elizabeth began but Jason shook his head, released her hand, and stepped forward.

“Since the day of wedding reception. I didn’t say anything at first because Carly said there was a chance it was AJ’s baby—”

“And you believed her?” Sonny bit out, whirling back. “She does nothing but lie—”

“I know. I told her I wanted a paternity test—”

“Like they can’t be faked—” Sonny’s gaze burned into his. “Was this your idea of revenge? I put your family at risk, you keep mine from me?”

“No, that’s not—”

“Sonny—” Elizabeth tried again, but he wasn’t in any mood to be comforted or talked down.

“You had no right to—” Sonny shook his head. “To hell with this,” he bit out. He stalked past them, slamming the door behind him.

“He was never going to take this well,” Elizabeth murmured, putting a hand on Jason’s shoulder.

“He would have if I had told him when I found out,” Jason replied, irritated with himself. And he’d thought of keeping quiet even longer? Was Sonny right? Had there been some thought in the back of his mind that Sonny deserved to be in the dark?

“Should we go after him?” Elizabeth broke into his thoughts, and he frowned, looking down at her. “He’s going to the mansion to confront Carly, but she’s not alone. AJ might be there. Lila definitely is, and maybe Michael—”

“Sonny might be angry, but—” Jason paused. He wasn’t worried about Lila or Michael, he realized. He trusted Sonny enough to moderate himself around his grandmother and a toddler.

But if AJ was there—or Edward or Alan—if any of the Quartermaine men were—Sonny would be arrested before he got two steps into the mansion and that would be a headache none of them could afford.

“You’re right. Let’s go.”

Quartermaine Estate: Family Room

Carly returned to the house, the nausea in her stomach gone but somehow the sick feeling remained. It was just nerves, she thought. Guilt. And worry. Jason was keeping her secret for now, but eventually he’d want results. And Carly still hadn’t found Lorraine or anyone else to help her with the paternity test.

She was running out of time.

She should have gotten out of town when she’d had the chance. Jason had been ready to make her and Michael disappear, but no, Carly had to reach a bit higher. Had to go for the gold.

She’d never settled in her life, and until these last few weeks, she’d never had to. She’d set out to destroy her mother’s marriage, and she’d done it. She’d schemed to make sure no one took Michael for her, and until now, she’d managed that. She’d made sure she was a wedge between Jason and Robin—

It should been easier to get the little bitch away from Jason. Robin had almost been pathetically easy to get rid of once Michael was in the picture. Carly had nearly tipped Jason into having an actual affair with her, and if not for that Webber bitch—

She squeezed her eyes shut. If Jason had just left with her, had taken Michael and run, they’d be somewhere and a family. Jason would believe this child was his. It should be his. It wasn’t fair—

There was a thud and some distant voices somewhere in the house. Carly frowned. Who was even here to argue with? AJ had taken the day off to spend with Michael, but nearly everyone else was gone—

Carly went towards the entrance connecting the family room to the foyer—stopping when the voices became more clear.

When she recognized them.

“Where the hell is that whore?” Sonny demanded. Carly couldn’t hear AJ’s response, but she didn’t need to.

It was over. Sonny knew. And he was going to tell AJ—if he hadn’t already—

Damn it.

Carly closed the door again and headed back to the terrace. She’d leave through the gardens, get into the garage, take one of the cars—

It was time for Plan C.

Quartermaine Estate: Driveway

Jason slowed the bike as they approached the main entrance of the mansion, but even before he’d switched off the ignition, he could predict the disaster laying ahead. One of Sonny’s cars was parked haphazardly near the garage, the driver’s door hanging open. The front door to the mansion was wide open —

And he could hear the shouting from where they stood in the drive.

None of this had anything to do with him, Jason realized as he stood next to the bike. Sonny might be his friend, but it wasn’t really Jason’s job to run after him. And Carly and this baby were nothing to him.

But his grandmother was inside, and she didn’t deserve any of this.

“Let’s go.” He took Elizabeth’s hand and headed in.

Sonny hadn’t made it further than the foyer—AJ and Ned were blocking his progress, and Alan was standing behind them, fuming.

“I want to see her now!” Sonny bit out. “Either get out of my way or—”

“I’ll be damned if I let you anywhere in this house,” Alan cut in. Sonny lurched forward again, and AJ shoved him back, the younger man’s eyes slightly wild, his hair disheveled. “I’ll have you arrested—”

“Sonny—” Jason reached for his partner but Sonny shoved him back.

“Not without talking to that—”

Ned grimaced as Sonny came forward, and this time Sonny threw a punch, landing a solid blow to AJ’s jaw as Ned ducked out of the way.

“Damn it—” AJ swore, then leapt at Sonny. The two of them began a fist fight, rolling around on the ground, trading punches, jabs, and kicks as Ned struggled to separate them.

“That’s it!” Alan strode to the phone and snatched it off the receiver. “I’m calling the police—”

“I’ll find Carly,” Elizabeth told Jason reluctantly as she slipped around the fracas and Jason moved in to break up the fight.

Elizabeth checked in the front parlor, then in the family room where she found a worried Lila with an irritated Reginald, her ever present manservant.

“Oh, darling—” Lila held out her hands, and Elizabeth squeezed them. “If you’re here, I hope that means Jason is. He’ll know how to sort everything out. He always does.”

“I know,” Elizabeth said with a rueful sigh. “He’s dealing with AJ and Sonny. I thought I’d try to find Carly before Sonny can—” Not that she cared much, but like Jason, she wanted to contain the situation somehow.

“Don’t bother,” Reginald said tightly. “She’s gone.”

“Gone?” Elizabeth echoed. “How—she’s not upstairs either?”

“As soon as Mr. Corinthos barged in, I came to find her,” Lila said, her voice shaking. “She was in the gardens, heading for the garage.”

“I tried to follow, but by the time I got there,” Reginald said, “her car was gone.”

That wasn’t good. Elizabeth went back to the foyer, relieved to find that Jason and Ned had separated AJ and Sonny, though both men were still tossing insults. She met Jason’s eyes and lightly shook her head, hoping he’d understand.

“I don’t care what crime you think was committed against you,” Alan told Sonny, his eyes burning. “You have no right to come into this house and attack my family. If you were dumb enough to sleep with another man’s wife, then you deserve every piece of misery coming your way—”

“She had no right to lie—”

“She had every right,” Alan sneered. “Isn’t that how Jason justified stealing Michael for over a year? The right of a mother? I may not want Carly anywhere near my family, but don’t pretend you didn’t lie for Jason, either.”

Jason flinched, then closed his eyes, his grip loosening sightly at this reminder that it had all started with him.

Elizabeth scowled at Jason’s father, but kept her mouth shut as she crossed the room to stand by Jason. She’d been in Port Charles long enough to know Alan had no business casting stones at anyone else. After all, Jason was the result of an extramarital affair, and she knew even AJ’s paternity had been in doubt as an infant.

Officers from the PCPD arrived then, and hauled Sonny out in cuffs. Elizabeth waited until he was clear before leaning up to whisper in Jason’s ear. “Carly took off as soon as she heard Sonny in the hall. Lila saw her go, and Reginald confirmed her car is gone.”

Jason winced. Now Carly had time to plan the next step, and he really didn’t want to think about what she might have planned. She had to know he’d told Sonny. He had to find her before she had time to plot her revenge.

PCPD: Squad Room

Bobbie came through the double doors, wincing as she saw the cluster of men around Taggert’s desk. Lila had nearly been in tears when she’d called, hoping that Carly was with her. She could barely get the words out, so Reginald had taken the phone and continued the story. Bobbie had listened painfully as her daughter’s latest schemes were revealed.

Jason wasn’t the father of Carly’s child. Sonny Corinthos was. And now everyone knew.

She’d rushed down to the police department, not entirely sure what she could do to resolve the issue but needing to do something. Bobbie felt responsible for the mayhem Carly had wrought.

“Bobbie—” AJ spotted her, his hair disheveled, a bruise forming beneath his eye. “What are you doing here?”

“I came—” She swallowed. “I came to see what I could do. There must be something.”

“Unless you know where Carly is—” AJ shook his head. “But you don’t. I know you wouldn’t. I’m sorry, Bobbie. For everything. I thought she and I—I thought we had an understanding. I know you think I’m terrible—”

“I think Carly has that effect on people.” Bobbie squeezed his hand. “What happened? Sonny came in? Started a fight.”

“I tried to—” AJ exhaled slowly. “I tried to do it right. I knew the baby wasn’t mine. So I thought if I just explained to Jason that we could make this work and no one had to get hurt, he’d understand. I tried to ask for permission.” His mouth tightened. “And I guess Jason—”

“He must have thought there was a chance it was your baby,” Bobbie said, wincing when she thought of the pressure she’d put on Jason and Elizabeth to handle the situation. “And you made it clear there wasn’t.”

“Yeah, so he decided to blow it all up.” AJ looked over to his father, still arguing with Sonny over charges of trespass. “I deserve this,” he murmured.

“No one deserves this, AJ—”

“Really?” AJ shook his head. “Go home, Bobbie. You’ve stood by Carly long enough. There’s nothing left to do.”

Planned Parenthood: Parking Lot

Carly switched off the ignition, and sat in her car for a long moment, staring at the gray building in front of her, the cluster of protesters that had nothing better to do than harass women.

She’d known all along that this was an option, but it had remained at the bottom of the list. If she kept the baby, she’d spend the rest of her life in court, fighting for Michael, fighting for this baby. Neither AJ nor Sonny would go quietly. And Jason wasn’t there to help. Bobbie wouldn’t either.

She’d burned all the bridges.

It was time to do what she should have done from the beginning and make at least one of her problems go away.

And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
And sooner or later, it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight
– Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

---

Thursday, February 3, 2000

Harborview Towers: Parking Garage

Jason switched off his bike and sat for a long moment. He needed to check in with Sonny, and then hopefully Elizabeth had already gone to bed so he wouldn’t have look at her. She knew what he’d gone to do, of course, but if he could just go to bed, hold her, and then tomorrow, wake up and never talk about Joseph Sorel again—

He dragged himself into the elevator, relieved that security had dialed back to the skeleton crew and that there was no one on duty in front of the penthouses. The fewer people he had to see, the easier it would be for all of them if the body ever surfaced.

It wouldn’t, but it was always good to plan for worst case scenarios.

Sonny had waited up, nursing a tumbler of bourbon. He glanced over and Jason stopped, taking in the strange sense of having lived this moment before.

His partner was sitting in the chair by the fireplace, the liquor in his hand, his hair slightly disheveled, and Jason returning from taking care of business. Just like that night in December.

Except he didn’t have to look at the stairs, didn’t have to worry about what he’d see. Elizabeth was safe across the hall in his bed, and Jason intended to keep it that way.

“Is it done?” Sonny asked, skimming his eyes over Jason’s form. “You’re good?”

“Yes,” Jason said shortly. “It’s done.”

“Good.” Sonny got to his feet, tossed back the last of the bourbon. “Go home. We can talk about everything else tomorrow.”

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

The room was dark. He could barely see the outline of Elizabeth in bed, resting on her side, one hand draped over the edge. He went into the bathroom, dumped everything he was wearing into the trash, and turned on the shower. There was nothing on him — it hadn’t been that kind of kill, but it still felt like it lingered on his skin and he wouldn’t bring that to her. And he didn’t want her touching anything he’d been wearing.

He’d done what was necessary to protect his family, and he would never regret it. That didn’t mean he wanted to dwell on what he’d had to do.

Jason stepped beneath the spray, only dimly registering it might be a bit too hot. He didn’t always feel temperature well, but he felt the sting against his skin.

He didn’t hear the shower door open, but he heard the hiss. “Are you trying to boil yourself?”

Jason winced, then turned, thinking Elizabeth would just be standing outside the door, holding it open to check on him. His eyes widened when he realized she’d shed her clothes and closed herself into the shower with him, the spray already dampening her hair, slicking it back her head. He muttered, twisting the knob to turn down the hot water. “What—”

“I heard you come home.” She smiled as the water turned cooler. “Thanks—”

“Elizabeth—”

The smile turned a bit nervous as she stood there, and he stayed at the other end of the shower, still not quite sure what she was doing or why. Didn’t she realize where he’d been? What he’d done? Why hadn’t she waited in bed—

Elizabeth bit her lip, then a light came into her eyes that he knew all too well. Determination. She’d folded her arms over her torso, shielding her upper body from him as the discomfort had set in. She let them fall to the side as she closed the short distance between them, the steam and water swirling around them. “I heard you come in,” she repeated, her eyes on him. “I tried to wait up.”

“You shouldn’t have,” he murmured, barely audible over the water, but he couldn’t help him. He trailed his fingers down her shoulders, sliding easily with the slickness of the water.

“I was worried,” she admitted. “And I also knew—” She glanced at the side of the shower, the steam clouding the clear glass. “I saw your clothes in the trash. I thought you might be hurt.”

“I’m not.” He kissed her forehead, then trailed his mouth down her skin to her mouth. “Go back to bed. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”

“You don’t need to do this.” Elizabeth framed his face with hers. “I know who you are.”

“You can’t—”

“And I know where you were.” Her eyes searched his. “It’s over, isn’t it? We’re safe.”

“You’re safe.” For now. Until his choices made a thousand years ago put her in danger again.

“Good.” She slid her arms around his neck, pressing her slick body against his and he groaned, letting his forehead drop to rest against hers. “I know who you are,” she said again. “And I won’t run from it. My face won’t change.”

Jason raised his head, saw the sincerity, the plea to believe her and man, he wanted to. He wanted to believe that this time it was different. That she wasn’t Robin, who had tolerated the other part of him, or Carly who had just wanted the money and power. That here was someone who really did see and understand him. Who wanted him anyway.

He kissed her, slowly and reverently, hoping that it was true, that she really meant it. “Let’s go to bed—”

“Actually—” Elizabeth drew back, her eyes gleaming and her smile turning slightly wicked. “Why don’t we stay right where we are?”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

They slept late the next morning — not that there was much sleep to be had. Jason knew Sonny would call for him eventually, but right now, the morning was theirs. Elizabeth had an evening class and was planning to head to the studio that afternoon, but for now—

He handed her a cup of hot chocolate just the way she liked it, including sprinkles and she beamed at him, curled up in the corner of the sofa. “You really do pay attention.”

Jason sat, his simpler cup of black coffee in hand, and drew her legs over his lap, wanting to be closer to her, needing the contact. “It helps that Emily takes it the same,” he admitted.

“Yeah, I started it. It works great when we’re together. Three packs split two ways.” Elizabeth sipped it, closing her eyes. “Perfect.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes. He nearly stayed silent, not wanting to rock the boat. Things were good just the way they were, and he didn’t want to think about anyone else outside this room. But he couldn’t pretend.

“Yesterday,” Jason said, slowly, and looked at her. She raised her brows, her hands cupped around her mug. “You said I wasn’t ready to talk about why I don’t want to tell Sonny or AJ about the baby.”

She exhaled slowly, and some of the light left her eyes. He regretted it, but as long as they didn’t have this conversation, it would sit between them. And she might honestly not want it to mess things up — but it would. He’d learned the hard way from Robin that words left unsaid were worse than the ones that you screamed at each other. Those unspoken words burned like acid at the foundation of everything you wanted, and you wouldn’t even realize it until everything collapsed.

He wouldn’t do it again. He’d never forgive himself if keeping this secret somehow cost him this time with Elizabeth, for however long she’d stay with him. He wasn’t willing to lose a minute of it if he could stop it.

“I did,” Elizabeth said finally. She drew her legs out of his lap, folded them underneath her body, then reached to set the hot chocolate on the table.

“It sounded like you think you know why I’m doing it,” Jason continued, twisting slightly until they were facing each other. “And that it’s not what I’m saying out loud. You think I’m lying to you.”

“No,” Elizabeth said with a forceful shake of her head. “I don’t think you’re lying. You’d never lie to me.”

“Then—”

“Maybe it’s more accurate to say that I’m worried—” She drew her bottom lip between her teeth, biting down as if what she was going to say was so painful she needed to hurt herself first to take the sting out of it. “I’m worried that you’re really protecting Carly. I know it’s about protecting Michael, and I understand that, but he’s barely two. He won’t be called into court to be asked which parent he wants to live with. He won’t even know most of it is happening—”

“Kids know more than we think—”

“I know. I know they do,” Elizabeth assured. “And I know it’ll be upsetting if he loses one of his parents full-time. Whatever else Carly has done in her life, I know she loves Michael. And as much as it hurts you to think about, you know AJ does, too. He’ll know people are angry, but he’ll still feel the love. And I don’t know if it’s a good idea to make this kind of decision because a little boy will be confused for a while.”

Jason exhaled slowly, then looked away, staring at the opposite wall as he took in her words.  Was it really just Michael he was protecting? Or was there some small piece of him that instinctively wanted to shield Carly even after all she’d done to him?

And if that was true—if it really was just Carly he was protecting—what did that say about him? That he was willing to to hurt others to keep Carly happy? To do her bidding and keep her secrets? He’d done it to Robin, hadn’t he? But that was different, he reminded himself. He’d done that to keep Michael. He’d have done anything to keep that precious boy all to himself.

“I’m not telling you what you’re feeling or thinking. I’m sorry if that’s how it sounded. I know you hate that,” Elizabeth added, and he swung his head back. “I think saying that I think there’s more to this for you — maybe that’s my own fears creeping out, you know?”

“Your fears?” he repeated, with a frown. “What—”

“I’m scared you’re really just protecting Carly,” she admitted in a small voice. “That you’ve been doing it so long you don’t know how to stop. Or maybe it’s…you told me weeks ago you didn’t think you were still in love with her, but maybe it’s just how you want to feel—”

He scowled. “Don’t—”

“I’m sorry, that’s me—” Elizabeth closed her eyes, her expression twisted, and he wished he hadn’t started this. “That’s me again. I’m afraid that’s how you feel.”

He  didn’t really see how it was any different. “If it’s what you think, then you think I lied—”

“God, I wish it were that black and white,” Elizabeth muttered. She dragged a hand through hair, then covered her mouth. “It’s—it’s—look, the day we got married, I told you that it was all okay—what happened at the church and what Carly said. I told you I was fine because you hadn’t broken any promises to me. I meant that, Jason. But you saw that as much as I meant it, there was a piece of me that didn’t. Because—” Her voice faltered and she stared down at her hand. At the ring he’d slipped on her finger. “Because until she came in, I forgot for a while why we were there. Which seems insane, I guess, but Father Coates was asking us to repeat the vows, and it didn’t feel like a lie.”

“It didn’t for me either,” Jason told her, and she smiled faintly.

“But then Carly came in and it was like someone popped a bubble and I fell to the ground. Two weeks before we got married, you sat in my studio and told another woman you loved her.”

He exhaled slowly. “I thought I did. That seeing her with Sonny had hurt so much because I loved her. It made sense. But I couldn’t have loved her. It wasn’t real—”

“Jason—”

“It wasn’t,” Jason insisted. “Because all she ever did was hurt me, and all I ever did was clean up after her and wait for the next round. I loved Michael,” he continued. “And I destroyed everything else in my life to keep him. I wanted him back. And the only way to get him back was to keep Carly in my life. You know how easy it is to lie to yourself, Elizabeth. Is it so hard to believe I was doing it, too?”

“No, I guess not,” she admitted.

“I was hurt because of Sonny,” Jason continued, “and I felt like an idiot because everyone had told me who Carly was. I thought I knew who she was. And I was still blindsided by what she could do. Because to give up on Carly—” He closed his eyes and forced out the next words. “It’s giving up on Michael. I know he’ll never be mine again, but I can’t stop wanting it. I can’t stop loving him. I don’t know how.”

She didn’t say anything to that, and Jason just sat, absorbing it, realizing the truth in his own words. If he kept Carly happy, he was still holding out some kernel of hope that it would be different. That Michael could be his again. Why did he have to keep learning over and over again that Michael wasn’t his to keep and never had been?

“Okay,” Elizabeth said softly. “That’s enough for me.”

Jason frowned, looked at her with confusion. “What?”

“I know how much it hurt to lose him. How much it still hurts. I lost Lucky,” she reminded him, “and I know it’s not the same because maybe it’s worse to lose someone and watch them go off and live a life without you. Michael won’t remember the year he spent with you. For him, it won’t have happened. You get to grieve that for as long you need to, Jason. You let me grieve without limits.”

He scrubbed his hands over his face. “It’s not the same,” he echoed. “And your grieving didn’t hurt anyone.”

“Except myself,” Elizabeth said with a half smile. “But you gave me the space I needed to realize that, and I’m on the other side. I see a future now, and that wasn’t true six months ago.”

And he could see that she meant that. She’d pushed him to examine why he was really keeping Carly’s secret, and now, she was content with what she’d learned. She’d keep this secret for him—one she didn’t agree with—and respect his choices.

His mistakes.

But she was right. What AJ had asked of him—it wasn’t Jason’s to give. And Sonny didn’t deserve to be kept in the dark. Jason had the answer he said he’d been waiting for. It was time to make a choice.

The right one.

Jason got to his feet, put down his coffee cup. He held out his hand, and confused, Elizabeth took it. He pulled her to his feet. “Thank you,” Jason told her, kissing the inside of her palm. “For trying to understand. But you’re right. It doesn’t matter why I’m doing it, I am still protecting Carly. And she doesn’t deserve it. She never has.”

“Okay—”

“Come with me.”

Jason waited for her to slip on a pair of shoes, then pulled her across the hall and then he knocked on Sonny’s door. A moment later, it was pulled open by the man himself, who frowned at the two of them. “What—”

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

Quartermaine Estate: Family Room

Carly picked at the remains of the breakfast table, her appetite all but absent. Something strange was in the air, she thought. AJ had been quiet the last few days, and the family seemed to be shiftier than usual.

Were they planning something, she wondered? Or was AJ getting cold feet? The last thing she needed was AJ to have an attack of conscience.

She broke a piece of bacon in half, nibbled, then tossed it away. Everything made her feel sick right now. She needed some fresh air.

Carly jerked open the door to the terrace and stumbled out towards the railing, letting the fresh, bitter cold wash over her. God. Why was she so nervous? AJ might have doubts and second thoughts, but he’d made the announcement, hadn’t he?

And Jason loved Michael enough to protect him. To protect the life Carly was trying to give him.

Why did she feel like everything was about to fall apart?

All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say
And it won’t matter now
Whatever happens will be
Though the air speaks of all we’ll never be
It won’t trouble me
– All I Want, Toad the Wet Sprocket

---

Wednesday, February 2, 2000

Corinthos & Morgan: Office

Jason scribbled his name at the bottom of a contract, then shoved it into a pile that he intended to dump on the secretary’s desk on his way out. He’d come in this morning to make it look like everything was normal. Like he wasn’t planning to go to the Blue Moon tonight and end the Sorel problem once and for all, but it wasn’t easy to put it out of his mind. He had hours to go before he could—

“Yo—” There was a light knock, and Jason glanced up to find one of the guards in the open doorway. “Uh, AJ Quartermaine is insisting on talking to you. We can kick him out, but I thought I’d check—”

His stomach churned, but Jason got to his feet. There couldn’t be a lot of reasons the Quartermaine scion would be demanding to talk to him. Had AJ realized he might not be the baby’s father? It was one thing to let things drift until Carly’s paternity test, but—

“I’ll take care of it,” he told the guard.

AJ stepped over the threshold and closed the door. They stared at one another for a long moment, then finally he spoke. “I know that I’ve done a lot of things wrong in my life. Most of which you don’t even remember. There’s no reason for either of us trust each other after this last year.”

Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. This wasn’t quite the approach he’d expected, so he remained silent.

“I married Carly knowing exactly who she is and what she’s capable of. This was the same woman who drugged me into thinking I was drinking again,” AJ said. Jason kept his face blank, but the reminder of the incident stung. He’d known what Carly had done, but he’d accepted it as part of Carly’s life before Michael. Now, it showed a pattern of being willing to destroy people who’d never hurt her to get what she wanted.

He should have seen it as a lesson to be learned.

“I knew she was in love with you,” AJ continued, “and that there was a chance whatever was going on with you two would continue. I know it has.” His eyes burned into Jason’s. “I deserve the life I have with Carly, and it was always a price I was willing to pay to have Michael. You know that. You were willing to pay it, too.”

“What’s the point of all of this?” Jason interrupted. “Why are you here?”

“Whatever Carly’s faults—and there are many—she’s a good mother. I don’t want Michael to lose what we have. I can live with Carly. And I know you’ve moved on.” AJ swallowed hard. “You’re building a future that doesn’t include her. You took my son for over a year without asking and lied about it. I’m at least giving you the choice.”

Jason furrowed his brow. This was a strange conversation for them to be having—how could AJ sound so convinced? “What—”

“Don’t bother.” AJ held up a hand and Jason closed his mouth. “Carly and I weren’t sleeping together at the point she got pregnant. There’s no chance this is my baby. I hoped that the infidelity clause in the prenuptial agreement would be harsh enough, but I guess Carly can’t help herself. I don’t even know if it’d hold up in family court, and I’m not willing to chance it. I don’t want Michael to be used like a weapon. He’s already spent too much of his life in the middle of all of this.”

“Look—”

“I don’t deserve him. Or any other kids. I don’t deserve anything. For what I did to you. To my family, to the other people that I’ve hurt.” AJ pressed a hand against his chest. “I deserve Carly, okay? But Michael should have his family. I’m asking you to let him have it. I will be a good father, and if you want to be an uncle, I can live with that. I promise. I just—”

“AJ—” Jason stopped. He didn’t know what to say to this impassioned plea from a man who had clearly thought through everything.

“And, you know, maybe we can come clean later. I don’t know. I just—I’m asking you for this. To keep quiet. Do you want to deal with Carly for the rest of your life?” AJ pressed. “Michael will be dragged into court, but so will Elizabeth. You and me, we’ve got enough bad blood. Neither of them deserve it.” He cleared his throat. “You don’t have to decide right now. It’s a lot to ask, and you should think it over.”

Quartermaine Estate: Family Room

Bobbie had thought often about what she was going to do. She’d been pushing the wrong people, she knew that. Putting pressure on Elizabeth when it wasn’t remotely her fight—and the way Elizabeth had looked the last time they’d discussed it, Bobbie had decided to stop. Jason had a right to walk away from Carly and everything that came with her. He had a right to a future.

But that didn’t mean Bobbie was ready to let this go. She couldn’t look the other way while her daughter continued to ruin lives, repeating all the mistakes that Bobbie had in her youth.

“Mama.” Carly’s expression was wary as she stepped into the room where Bobbie was waiting. She closed the doors, leaning against them. “I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“And this will be the last time,” Bobbie said softly. Carly flinched. “I’m sorry. I am. But I can’t do this anymore. You and I both know that’s not AJ’s child—”

“You don’t—”

“I forgave you for Tony,” Bobbie said, and Carly closed her mouth. “I looked past everything you did to hurt me because, God knows, I was never innocent. I lied, cheated, and stole to get what I wanted, and the only person who ever really got hurt was myself. I wanted better for you. I wanted you to have what I didn’t. So I forgave you. But you haven’t changed. You’re still lying, still cheating, and still stealing what doesn’t belong to you.”

Carly’s eyes burned with tears, but she lifted her chin. “So you’re turning your back on me. Because I’m not living my life the way you want me to—”

“I will miss my grandson,” Bobbie said, and her heart twisted. Oh, God. “But I can’t sit by and watch this. You were willing to sacrifice me to get what you wanted. To put Elizabeth in jail. You would have watched us both get destroyed to punish Jason. I don’t matter to you. No one matters to you but yourself.”

“That’s not true. Mama, please—” Carly’s voice  broke. “Please.”

“I have watched you use Michael since the moment he was conceived, and now you have another child to use as a pawn. You’re good at making people believe in you for a while.” Bobbie went to the door and gently steered Carly away so she could open it. “Tony saw who you really were. So did Jason. And now it’s my turn. Goodbye.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“And he just left it like that.” Elizabeth curled up on the sofa, her eyes wide as she watched Jason at the window on the other side of the fireplace. His expression was troubled, and she knew what was rolling around in his head.

He’d wanted to wait until the paternity test, but now he knew. There was no chance AJ was the father. The time to make a decision was now.

But she swallowed those words. She’d meant what she’d said when they’d first learned about the baby. This was Jason’s choice. For better or for worse. His mistake. She’d made a promise to respect his choices, even when she thought he was wrong. She wouldn’t break it.

“Yeah. He wanted me to think about it.” Jason turned to her, but his expression was hard to read. “What do you think?”

“About what AJ said?” Elizabeth shrugged. “I think, whatever he’s done in the past, he showed a lot of courage in at least facing you head on.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Yeah, I guess.”

“And he’s not wrong about what the future is going to hold. A lot of time in court for everyone. Carly’s going to go down swinging. Sonny will be dragged into all of that, too.”  She shifted. “But Carly knew what she signed—”

“She was desperate,” Jason interrupted. “She knew the Quartermaines would pay off anyone in court—”

Elizabeth closed her mouth. And just like that — as soon as Elizabeth had begun to criticize Carly, Jason had shut her down. When push came to shove, Jason was still going to defend Carly.

It didn’t matter that he was right. That Carly had likely felt a measure of desperation, but it was of her own making. And he still wasn’t willing to see that Carly had created her own misery and had no problem sharing it with the rest of the world. For all that he talked about moving on and not loving her, it was hard to believe it. Not when he constantly rose up to defend her. “Okay.”

Jason waited, but she remained silent. He furrowed his brows. “Is that all you think?”

“It doesn’t really matter what I think,” she said carefully. “This is your decision.”

“But I’m asking you.”

Elizabeth sighed, then got to her feet. She was tired, and she knew Jason was supposed to be out on business most of the night. She really just wanted to go to bed and never talk about Carly or her children again.

“Okay. Fine. But you asked for it. What AJ wants from you isn’t yours to give,” she said bluntly, and he blinked at that. “He’s asking you not to destroy his family because he thinks you’re going to want, at the very least, joint custody of this baby he’s already told the world is his. If the family finds out it’s not, he’ll feel pressured to divorce her. That’s his problem, and I don’t feel sorry for him. He knew what he was doing when he married her. And the only reason AJ’s even bothering to cover for Carly is because he thinks it’s yours.”

“I—”

“Because it’s karma for him after you lied about Michael. He gets a little credit for asking permission, but if he knew it was Sonny’s, this wouldn’t be a conversation and you know that. You want my blessing to tell AJ you’ll keep quiet, and I’m not going to give it.”

Jason’s face tightened. “What does that mean?”

“It means,” Elizabeth said, wishing she’d kept her own mouth shut at this point, “that whatever you or I feel about Sonny right now, I don’t know that he’s done anything to deserve being kept in the dark. But this isn’t my problem. It’s not my secret. I think you’re wrong not to tell him. But you get to be wrong, Jason. Isn’t what you wanted? The freedom to make mistakes?”

“Yeah, but—”

“I told you I wasn’t going to make this choice for you, and I won’t. AJ, Carly, and Sonny—these are your people, not mine. This has nothing to do with me. Except that I’m married to you.” She folded her arms. “Keep the secret, tell the truth—it’s your choice.”

“But you think I’m wrong.”

“You are wrong,” she said gently, but he still flinched. “And the worst part is you know it. But you don’t want to talk about why you’re doing it, and until then, I don’t know if it does us any good to talk about it.”

“I—”

“This isn’t a secret that affects our everyday life,” she continued, even though she wasn’t convinced that fact would remain true forever. “It’s not like Robin. You’re not asking me to raise another woman’s son conceived while we were together. This baby? Not my problem. I feel sorry for those kids, though. Because they didn’t ask for it.”

Jason cleared his throat, then looked at the clock across the room. “I have to go.” He started past her, then stopped and took her by the shoulders. “Thank you.”

She raised her brow. “For what?”

“You’re unhappy with this,” he said, “and I guess we still need to talk about it, but thank you for at least telling me. Robin never—she didn’t really. And maybe she just thought it would go away. I didn’t know how unhappy she was until it was too late. I can’t fix anything if I don’t know.”

“Well, then I guess you’re welcome.” She stroked his jaw, knowing what he was leaving to do and wishing he wasn’t so twisted up about all of this. “Be careful tonight, okay? I want to be able to argue with you when you come home.”

He kissed the tip of her fingers, then leaned down for a longer, lingering embrace. “I don’t want to argue with you.”

“Me either.”

“I’ll be careful.” He kissed her again, then left. She watched him go. Tonight, the problem with Sorel was supposed to be over—

But she knew something much worse was on the horizon. Sorel was nothing more than a physical threat, and those didn’t scare her. They still hadn’t really dealt with Carly, and why Jason was really keeping this secret for her.

And whether or not Elizabeth had been unintentionally lying to Jason when she said this wouldn’t affect them or that this wasn’t like Robin. Robin hadn’t confronted Jason about Carly because she’d been scared of the answer. Elizabeth understood the other woman for the first time—and why when Robin had been pushed so far over the edge, she’d blown up Jason’s life.

Elizabeth wasn’t going to do that, but she also wasn’t interested in sitting around for a year while Carly sat in the wings. One way or another, Jason was going to have to choose.

Blue Moon Lounge: Back Room

“You got everything you need?” Vega asked, standing in the doorway and watching Jason set down a hard plastic box and remove a handgun. He checked the magazine, then slid it home, and checked the safety.

“Yeah. You just make sure Sorel’s guys are dealt with,” Jason said. He twisted the silencer onto the barrel of the gun. “You put them down, I’ll do my job.”

“I’ll take the clean up.”

Jason frowned at him. “That’s on us—”

“The reception was my idea,” Vega said, and Jason fell silent. “I put your wife in his cross hairs, and she nearly paid for it. Yeah, maybe you made her a target, but I used her. So my club, my cleanup.”

Which meant Vega was taking on most of the risk. It was a hell of an apology since Sorel hadn’t come directly for him yet — he’d concentrated on Jason and Sonny first since they’d been direct competitors with Moreno.

It meant Jason could take the shot and get the hell out of the area before anyone even knew what had happened.

“We got a deal, Jase?”

“Deal.” Jason met his eyes. “Now show me where I’m supposed to wait until the meeting starts.”

It was time to make Joseph Sorel disappear.

And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
And you’re my survival, you’re my livin’ proof
My love is alive and not dead
– I’ll Be, Edwin McCain

---

Tuesday, February 1, 2000

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

It wasn’t a coincidence. It couldn’t be, Jason thought as he closed the door behind him and faced Sonny, standing at the minibar with a tumbler in his hand. “Vega called last night night to tell me the meeting was set up for tomorrow. And Sorel just happens to pick this afternoon to show his face in public and—”

Make it clear that he’d been the one behind the bomb on New Year’s. Blood pounded in his head, the rage boiling through his veins.

“You think Vega’s setting you up and not Sorel?” Sonny wanted to know.

“No.” Jason shook his head swiftly. “No. Vega’s predictable. He doesn’t want the instability or the power play, and Sorel isn’t going to be satisfied with taking over for Moreno. He’ll keep pushing.”

“That’s true.” Sonny swirled the bourbon. “Then—”

“Sorel had to know we’ve been waiting for the chance to take him out. He’s probably surprised I haven’t done it yet.” He should have taken the chance and strangled him in his sleep, but Sorel never slept alone. Insurance, Jason thought, because the bastard knew Jason wouldn’t dispose of witnesses. “Vega calling a meeting was always going to be suspicious. I just—”

“Hadn’t thought Sorel would make it a spectacle.”

“How’d Elizabeth handle herself?” Sonny wanted to know. “All Francis told me was that he approached her and they exchanged some words.”

“He accused her of having no manners,” Jason said tightly. “Of being the type to hang up on someone. He chose the words deliberately, Sonny. She knew it, and I know it. So do you. If he’d just wanted to insult her, he would have just called her rude for walking away. We never told anyone Elizabeth hung up that night. They only know she spoke to someone claiming to be Sorel.”

“Yeah, that feels like a fuck you he wanted to toss out.” Sonny pressed his lips together, considered. “He wanted you to know it was him. Either he’s arrogant to the point of stupidity or he’s planning something—we might need to think about changing the plan—”

“If something gets triggered because he goes missing,” Jason interrupted, “we’ll deal with it. I’m not worrying about it. Sorel isn’t just a threat to Elizabeth.  He’s a threat to everyone else. I’m not going to wait around for someone else to handle him.”

“I just—” Sonny shook his head. “We need to be ready for anything. I want him gone, too. That’s three times he’s gone for Elizabeth. I don’t want her in danger either. I never wanted that—”

“It was just a risk you were willing to take,” Jason bit out.

“And it’s one you were, too,” Sonny shot back. “You married her, didn’t you? You could have left. Yeah, things would have gone to hell with Carly, but Elizabeth would have been out of it with Sorel, and you knew that. You decided to stay.” His eyes burned into his. “I told you to go, didn’t I? Stop being so pissed off at me because we knew this would happen if you stayed!”

Jason didn’t have an answer for that. Of course not. He’d stayed because Elizabeth had wanted him to, and because he hadn’t wanted to go. But the only way to be sure Sorel wouldn’t use her was not to be in town. He’d put her in the middle of everything by marrying her. He’d made her a target.

“That doesn’t change what you did—”

“No, but I’ll be damned if I take any of the blame for her being in this situation in the first place.” Sonny tossed back the last of his bourbon. “You were the one that stayed in her studio even after people knew you were there. You used her to stay out of sight.”

Jason scrubbed his hands over his face. This wasn’t getting them anywhere. “I don’t want to fight about this anymore,” he growled. “It is what is.” And damn it, Sonny had a goddamn point. The reception was his fault, but everything else— “I have things to do.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth paced the area in front of the fireplace, twisting her hands, waiting for Jason to return from Sonny’s. She hadn’t even been able to tell him more than the content of the conversation before he’d left to talk to Sonny.

Maybe she shouldn’t have stopped. Or maybe she shouldn’t have gone to the studio. They’d said it was okay, that there was security—

The door opened and Elizabeth spun around to find Jason quietly closing the door behind him. He leaned against it for a moment, meeting her eyes from across the room.

“Is, um, everything okay?”

“Yeah. Sonny just wanted to check in.” Jason flicked the lock, then approached her. “You okay?”

“I’m fine. I guess. I don’t know,” she added when he just raised his brows. “It was just…weird, I guess. I did what I’m supposed to do. You know, I just turned and left. I didn’t say anything to him until—”

“Until he reminded you of New Year’s.”

She winced. “Yeah. I don’t know why hearing him confirm it made me feel jumpy. Or why it makes you so mad. We both knew he did it—”

“Yeah—” He slid his hands from her shoulders down to her elbows, then repeated. His touch calmed the jitters in her stomach. “But today, he made sure we didn’t have any doubt. He tried to kill you. Almost did.”

“Yeah. With everything that’s happened since then—” A month ago. That’s all it had been. A month earlier, she’d been worrying herself silly over sleeping with Jason and made a nearly fatal mistake in returning to the studio alone. What a lifetime ago it seemed now. “I don’t really think about it. Everything kept happening, and there wasn’t really time to dwell on that night. Carly started making her threats—”

“And then we got married,” he murmured, “and the PCPD—” Then Carly again, but they didn’t say anything about that. Better to think of Carly as something they’d already dealt with. Elizabeth knew Jason wasn’t going to say another word about the baby until those paternity results came in. And that was if she believed Carly planned to tell the truth when that happened, which Elizabeth didn’t but Jason seemed to take for granted.

No room for that conversation today either.

“You did everything right,” Jason reassured her. “You followed Francis, you didn’t engage in conversation. Sorel wanted you to take a message. You did that.”

“I did kind of get snippy with him at the end,” Elizabeth reminded him.

“Yeah, well, he had that coming.” He kissed her forehead, but lingered, his fingers tightening at her shoulders. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t—”

“I’m not sorry we’re standing where we are,” he said, drawing back for a moment. He took her hand in his, his fingers tracing over her wedding ring. “But Sorel is going after you because of me. And Sonny reminded me—” Jason’s eyes clouded over. “The reception might be his fault, but the rest of it—”

“It’s no one’s fault—”

“When I was going to leave town,” Jason told her, “it wasn’t just because of Carly. I knew if I were out of the picture permanently, Sorel would lose interest in you. I stayed.”

“I made you,” Elizabeth insisted. “And I knew—”

“You made a case,” Jason corrected, “and I agreed. I wanted to be here. With you,” he added, and she flushed at that, but managed to smile. “But I knew that it meant you’d be still in the middle of this. That Sorel might see you as someone to use. I could have stopped it. I didn’t.”

“The only way to stop it was to lose this.” Elizabeth leaned up on her toes to kiss him. “And I’ll never be sorry I fought to keep it.”

“Me either.” He tangled his hands in her hair and kissed her back.

Quartermaine Estate: Nursery

Michael toddled towards AJ on a pair of short stubby legs, his hand clutching a block. When he reached his father, Michael dropped the block in AJ’s lap. “Daddy, play.”

“What do you want me to do?” AJ asked, hoping his son didn’t want to play fetch. But Michael was already bringing over more blocks. He then plopped down and started to build a tower.

“Play.” Michael set one block on top of the other. “Daddy.”

“I get it now, buddy.”

Michael grinned and clapped when AJ placed the block on top of the ones he’d already stacked. “Good boy.” He held out another block and AJ took it.

In September, there’d be another baby in the nursery, and Michael would be nearly three. It was crazy to think about expanding a family that still didn’t feel real, even after almost a year.

Jason was a good father.

Ned’s voice echoed in his mind, but AJ pushed it away. His cousin meant well, but this was the right choice. Jason had started a new life, and AJ wasn’t going to blow up his marriage and Michael’s life. He’d known Carly would continue her affair with Jason. He’d tried to curb it, but Jason was the one who had slept with a married woman.

Jason doesn’t owe you fidelity or loyalty.

AJ cleared his throat, smiling as Michael lost interest in the tower and toddled over to another set of toys. Michael had arrived in his life as a beautiful, bright, and vibrant little boy who could already walk and say a few words. Jason, against all the odds, had been a good father. He’d protected Michael and loved him, even when it had cost him his relationship with Robin.

Keeping the secret had felt like karma to AJ for that lost year, but was it? What did AJ owe his little brother for all the years that had been stolen through that car accident? Was it really karma for AJ to steal one more thing from Jason that couldn’t be given back?

Did AJ really think that one year of Michael’s life had balanced the ledger between them? Jason didn’t remember all the times he’d stood by AJ or tried to make him a better person, but AJ did.

Suddenly, AJ’s determination to get justice for Michael’s stolen year seemed weak and petty. There was no balancing the scales between them. AJ would always be in the red, and to claim paternity of Jason’s child would only make it worse.

Could he live the rest of his life like that?

Studio

They had plans to spend the evening together, but unsurprisingly, after her run-in on the docks with Sorel, Jason had a thousand things to do that he couldn’t tell Elizabeth about. So she’d gone back to the studio for a few more hours of work.

She’d asked first, of course, if maybe she should stay in but Jason wanted her to act like the incident on the docks hadn’t bothered her. To go about her life as normal. Easier said than done, Elizabeth thought but if that’s what he needed her to do, she’d do it.

She stared at the half-finished canvas, grimacing at the yellow splotch of paint meant to be Angelina’s House of Beauty. She’d wanted to recreate the painting Capelli destroyed, but just like this morning, it simply wasn’t working.

And maybe it couldn’t be remade. It had been a moment in time, a feeling she’d had when she’d been on Jason’s bike a lifetime ago when he’d been Emily’s older brother and the sweet, gruff guy who occasionally put up with her rambling. Being on the bike, the wind rushing past so fast and loud that she couldn’t think — when she’d felt free and young and alive for the first time in months —

It had been a wonderful feeling, and painting it had been exhilarating. But that feeling paled in comparison to how she felt with Jason now. It had just been a taste of what was to come. She’d wanted to paint what it felt like to be free.

The Wind had been about putting away her grief, and moving on with her life. To look past the pain of losing Lucky and finding out there would be tomorrows.

Now she was living in that tomorrow. She’d found love again, even if she wasn’t ready to tell Jason that. She knew what it felt like to love someone with her whole heart, and now she knew what it was to love someone with her body, too.

Elizabeth set aside the old canvas and picked up her sketchbook. It was time to paint the way she felt now.

I only smile in the dark
My only comfort is the night gone black
I didn’t accidentally tell you that
I’m only happy when it rains
You’ll get the message by the time I’m through
When I complain about me and you
I’m only happy when it rains
– Only Happy When It Rains, Garbage

---

Thursday, January 27, 2000

Studio: Hallway

“That door looks like it should be on a bank vault,” Elizabeth said as they drew closer to her studio door. “You don’t think it’s overkill?”

Jason studied the thick, heavy, metal door that had only a small peep hole. “No. It’s not enough, actually.” He pulled keys out of his pocket. “And it’s not as thick as a bank vault. I tried to find a door that was—”

She rolled her eyes, and leaned against the wall, smirking. “Of course you did.”

He handed her a set of the keys, then pushed it open. “I didn’t change anything in here,” Jason said as she went inside. “Except the heating and plumbing. That’s been upgraded. I’m still working on the rest of the building, but I know you wanted to be back here.”

“Feels like a lifetime since I’ve been here,” Elizabeth said, turning in a slow circle. “Doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. I guess so.” The last time he’d been in this room, he’d had to dig his way into the closet to get her out, worried about the bomb under a table — He looked over to the table in question. A single wire had been a dud, stopping the bomb from detonating. How close he’d come to losing her—

“I’ll bring my paints and stuff back this weekend,” she said, drawing his attention back to her. “If you think it’s okay to come back and start working in here again. I have another week at Kelly’s, but I’m excited to have more time for this.”

“Yeah, yeah. You can start moving things back whenever you want.” She beamed, and he smiled back at her. “But Francis or another guard is on the door here, just like at home.”

“Yeah, yeah. How is Francis enjoying his art history classes?” Elizabeth asked, coming back to him, sliding her arms around his waist. “Do you think he’ll let me borrow his notes?”

“I know you hate the full-time guard,” Jason said, and she made a face. But she didn’t deny it, he noticed, and it frustrated him, too. Since Friday, they’d pushed back on plans to get her a car, and now Francis drove her everywhere. He was already sitting in on her classes, on the door at home, in her section at Kelly’s—

“Don’t apologize,” Elizabeth ordered when he opened his mouth. “I get to hate being carted around like cargo without you feeling bad. Two things can be true at once — I hate it, but I also know it’s necessary. Let me complain and make my faces, okay?”

“Yeah, I know. But—”

“But nothing.” She leaned on her toes and kissed him. “Thank you making sure my studio has heat. Did you do the same for the hallway so poor Francis doesn’t get turned into an icicle?”

“Yes.” He deepened the kiss, and she melted against him. Oh, man, if he could get Sorel and nail him down—if he could get rid of him, he could just get back to living his life and figuring out what normal could look like with Elizabeth by his side.

But his phone rang and he had to reluctantly pull back. “I won’t apologize,” he said, dragging the phone from his coat pocket.

“Good, you’re learning.” Elizabeth smirked at him, then wandered away to give him a bit of privacy, something she was good at. She started to sort through canvases while he listened to the voice on the phone.

“I’ll drop you at the penthouse,” Jason said. “I have to go to the No Name and meet with Vega.”

“All right. I have to meet Francis there in an hour anyway. I have another class this afternoon.” She paused. “Will I see you before you have to go out tonight?”

“I—I’m gonna try to make it home first,” Jason told her. “But I can’t promise it.”

“Okay. So, I’ll just order something and leave yours in the kitchen. But hey—” She raised her brows. “Wake me when you get home, okay? Because I don’t have to work until noon tomorrow.” She gripped the lapels of his jacket and leaned up for another kiss. “Let’s see if we can pencil in some time for each other then.”

“This is going to be over soon,” he promised. “Sorel can’t hide forever.”

“I know. I can be patient. Be careful.”

Quartermaine Mansion: Family Room

AJ sipped some water and perused the day’s papers, reading the sections he’d skipped earlier that morning. The house was quiet for once—his grandfather at ELQ, his parents at the hospital, and Carly had gone shopping with Michael. It wasn’t often he got to sit by himself, with his own thoughts.

“Junior. I was hoping to find you in here.”

AJ looked up, grimacing as Ned sauntered in. “Why?” he wanted to know, folding the paper and tossing it aside. “What do you want now?”

“I’ve had some time to think it over.” Ned sat on the sofa, leaning back and crossing one leg over his high. “I wasn’t going to say anything,” he continued, “but the longer I sat with it, the more I decided I should at least tell you what I’m thinking.”

“If this is about the pharmaceutical proposal—”

“It’s about Carly.”

AJ got to his feet, shook his head. “I don’t want to listen to any more of how I’m letting Carly ruin the family—”

“If you go through with pretending you’re the father of this child, it won’t just ruin your family. It’ll ruin everyone else’s.”

AJ stopped at the doorway, turned back to Ned, then closed the door. “I’m not pretending.”

Ned stood with a shake of his head. “You are. And I don’t blame you. There’s karma in this, I get it. Jason took a year of Michael’s life away from you. And we both know he’s still the ghost in your marriage. For the last year, Carly’s schemed to get Jason back. If you hadn’t made her sign that prenup, she’d already be gone.”

AJ’s throat was tight. “Maybe. But she’s here. And we’re making it work.”

“She’s not a terrible mother, so I get why you’re doing this. I barely see my daughter.” Ned grimaced. “Divorce is hell, even when it’s civil. I’ll never be the father I wanted to be for Brook Lynn, not as long as she’s in New York with Lois. I get that you don’t want that for Michael—”

“Get to the point, Ned—”

“Jason was a good father,” his cousin said softly, and AJ scowled. “It doesn’t matter that he didn’t have the right. He was good to Michael—”

“And if he were the father, which he’s not, it would mean he had an affair with my wife,” AJ bit out. “You think he needs to be rewarded for that—”

“You married Carly knowing that was probably going to happen. Jason doesn’t owe you fidelity or loyalty. Especially after you slammed his head into a rock—”

“Damn it—”

“Carly made you those promises. She’s the one that broke them. And right now, she’s the only one getting away with it. How is that fair to anyone?”

No Name Restaurant: Private Dining Room

Jason scowled, dragged his hand through his hair. “Sorel can’t keep this game up forever. I told you I didn’t need your help—”

“Two weeks of cat and mouse, and you don’t want any help?” Daniel poured himself a tumbler of whiskey. “Are you sure that’s wise?”

“The last time I had help from you or your people, it didn’t go so well.” Jason shoved his hands in the pockets of of his leather jacket. “Sorel is keeping out of public. And I’m not taking the chance that he’s trying to trap me into trying something on private property. He has to know something is coming after what he did.”

“Jason—” Daniel sat at a table. “Sit.”

“I don’t—”

“That wasn’t a suggestion.” And while the hard tone made Jason want to punch someone, he also recognized that he didn’t have a lot of power in this situation. He didn’t want to be in charge, and so he wasn’t on their level.

Jason reluctantly sat across from the older man. “What?”

“You had a close call two weeks ago,” Daniel said, and Jason grimaced. “A very close call if the story Sonny related to us was true.” Jason blinked. “He gave us the details you weren’t interested in offering. You made a mistake that night and your wife nearly paid for it—”

“Keep her out of it—”

“I’d like to, but you brought her into it.” Daniel paused, waiting for Jason to look at him. “You made her a target, Jason. By staying at that studio and letting those rumors swirl about her. And then you married her which told Sorel everything he needed to know. He looks for weaknesses. And you served him one on a silver platter.”

“I had to sit for this?”

“Cut the attitude. If you had all the answers, you wouldn’t be standing in front of me after two weeks of no progress,” Daniel said flatly, and this time Jason dropped his gaze. “I was willing to let you take the lead on this to see if it would work. And because it was your family that was threatened. I can understand the hesitancy in going after Sorel with no holds barred. You don’t wish to have any blowback. Not on yourself, on Sonny, or Elizabeth. This is admirable, but Jason, it is not realistic. You cannot do this alone.”

“I—” Jason exhaled on a quiet breath. “I don’t know who I can trust in that room.”

Daniel’s eyes sharpened. “You don’t trust Sonny?”

Jason stared at him, said nothing, and Daniel nodded. “I won’t ask if you trust me, though I’m not sure I’ve done anything to deserve that. I got you out when you wanted to be out, didn’t I? I brokered that deal with Moreno, and I lent my assistance when you and Sonny wanted back in.”

“The reception was your idea,” Jason said. “Maybe I made Elizabeth a target, but you were happy enough to use her. You think I trust you? You brokered that deal because you didn’t like me being in charge and you wanted me out. And you helped Sonny get back in because you didn’t like what Moreno turned out to be. You want sit here and act like you’ve done me favors. You didn’t. The only reason I’m taking this meeting is because I like your wife.”

Daniel nodded. “All of these things are true. I did all those things out for you because it served my own purposes. But I never pretended generosity. I never pretended to be doing it for friendship. I am who I am, Jason. I want Sorel gone because he’s unpredictable. I don’t know if he meant for that bomb to explode on New Year’s, but it told me that he doesn’t think two steps ahead. That bomb would have brought us nothing but grief and sorrow. You’d have lost your wife, but the authorities would have rained down on us like hellfire with the death of a potential witness.”

He pushed back from the table. “Sorel and I have business dealings. One of my clubs is on the border between our territories. He’s been pushing in, making trouble for me. And when I call him, Jason, he answers.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “He’d see through it—”

“He has no reason to think you’ll be involved. It’s a business meeting between associates. He’ll come to my club on my turf,” Daniel said. “He may bring some of his men. I can handle that. Your job will be to stay out of sight and take the shot.” He arched a brow. “Can you handle that?”

“Yeah. I can handle that. Set it up.”

“It might take a few days, but I’ll be in touch.”

Tuesday, February 1, 2000

Studio

Elizabeth swirled the last paintbrush in the sink, then set it aside to dry. She glanced over her shoulder at the canvas on the easel across the room, studying it with a critical eye. It was her third attempt at trying to recreate The Wind which had been destroyed the day the PCPD raided the penthouse, but she hadn’t quite recaptured the way she’d felt that first time.

That first try had been messy with some splatters and drips, but it had felt right. Every other attempt just felt like she was copying her own work.

She exhaled on a huff, then checked the clock. If she left right now, she’d might be able to catch Jason before he had to leave. He was supposed to be gone again tonight, and she wasn’t going to miss the chance to see him. It had been difficult for the last few weeks, only seeing him in bits and pieces, snatching whatever time they could together. But she was determined to prove that she could handle this.

And while Sorel had served a useful purpose in keeping Jason focused on him, and not on the secret he was keeping for Carly, Elizabeth knew it wasn’t far from the back of his mind. Carly had promised to take a paternity test after the first trimester, and then they’d have to deal with whatever happened. She wasn’t sure, even if the results came back in favor of Sonny, if Carly wouldn’t find a way to guilt or manipulate Jason into keeping the secret anyway.

But that was a problem for another day. Time to stop thinking about all of the things she had no control over and go home to her husband while she still could.

Elm Street Pier

She jogged down the steps to the pier, crossing towards Bannister’s Wharf and the parking lot where the car waited. Several feet behind her, a guard trailed. She always felt bad for the guards assigned to her — they were supposed to follow her around, but she had such short legs. How did they stay behind without basically dragging their own feet?

Distracted for a moment by the thought of the tall, blond, muscular Francis keeping the pace of a turtle, Elizabeth didn’t hear the other footsteps until two men stepped out from the steps leading up to the wharf.  She stumbled to a stop, and almost as quickly, Francis stepped up and slid in front of her.

“Ah, Mrs. Morgan.” Joseph Sorel smiled, flashing his even white teeth. “What a lovely surprise.”

“Out of the way,” Francis stated simply, taking Elizabeth by the elbow. “Now.”

“This is a public dock,” Sorel murmured. “I can walk where I wish.”

“Let’s just go back,” Elizabeth told Francis. They’d go back to the studio or towards Kelly’s. Francis nodded, and they started to turn.

“I’m surprised you’ve returned to your, ah, studio.”

“Ignore him,” Francis muttered, and Elizabeth agreed. They were already at the stairs with Francis almost shoving her onto the bottom step.

Then Sorel spoke again. “Those bad manners are showing again. No greeting, no goodbye. You don’t even let a man finish his sentence before you hang up.”

Elizabeth froze, turned just a moment to meet Sorel’s eyes. Hang up.

She’d hung up on him that night at the studio, when it was clear that he’d be of no use to her. He’d claimed it wasn’t him, but she’d always known it was. She’d heard his voice that night at the reception and recognized it, the smooth lies over the oily tone. Insincerity oozing from every word.

He’d chosen his words carefully to remind her. To carry a message. He’d gotten to her in the studio. In the limo. Today on the docks.

If not for a bad charge on the bomb on New Year’s, Elizabeth might already be dead.

“When you show me a man worth respecting,” Elizabeth said coolly, “then we can discuss manners.” Then she turned away, continuing her climb, her heart pounding, Francis’s boots echoing in her ears.

And I can’t see that thief that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
And I don’t know what’s happening and I can’t pretend
It’s a long, long get away, it’s a long, long get away
Make it home again, make it home again
It’s a long, long get away, it’s a long, long get away
– Thief, Our Lady Peace

---

Wednesday, January 19, 2000

Kelly’s: Dining Room

“You know, why don’t you take a seat at the counter?” Tammy suggested, as Elizabeth limped towards the cash register. “Those feet have to be killing you—”

“Better than the weekend.” Elizabeth separated her cash tip from the money left on the table and slid it into her apron. “And it’s down to a dull throb. There’s just one cut that was deeper than the rest.” She winced, shifting her weight from that foot. “The rest are pretty much good.”

“Still—”

“I’m okay.” Elizabeth handed Tammy the receipt from the table she’d just cleaned. “And I’ll be more careful trying to cook in the kitchen.”

“Mmm-hmm.” The manager eyed her critically, and Elizabeth knew that her cover story for the injury hadn’t fooled her. But Tammy didn’t ask any other questions. “How were your classes yesterday?”

“Good. Better since I cut back to only four,” Elizabeth admitted. She started another pot of coffee. “I only have to be on campus two days a week which gives me more time for other things. Jason said my studio was almost finished being renovated.”

“And I, for one, will be very happy when you have a safe place to work. Doors that lock. Heating that works.” Tammy hesitated. “Have you given any more thought to what we talked about last week? About maybe leaving the nest?”

“You trying to fire me?”

“No, no. Of course not. I just know how loyal and stubborn you can be.” Tammy shrugged and pulled out the ledger book to enter in the sale from the day. “So is that a no?”

“It’s actually…I was going to give you my two week’s notice at the end of the shift,” Elizabeth admitted. “Jason and I talked about it, and he agreed with you. Of course he did.”

“I knew it. As soon as you told me you were gonna maybe travel some this summer.” Tammy nodded. “Good. You’ll have time to work on your art, finish your education, and give your marriage a good chance. You gotta put the work in, you know. The first few months — well, you can ride high on the heat and the sweet. But eventually, you see each other on a bad day, and that’s when marriage becomes a choice.”

“The heat and the sweet,” Elizabeth repeated. “That’s an interesting way to put it, but I guess you’re right. Everything has been…” So fast, she thought. A whirl wind. She and Jason had been friendly before that night in November when she’d asked him to dance. How could so much have changed in less than two months? It seemed almost impossible that she was standing here, giving her two week’s notice because she had Jason’s support.

Her husband’s support.

“I gotta say, I had my doubts when I read the news — I knew he’d only been sniffing around for a little bit,” Tammy continued. She picked up a tub of dirty dishes and went into the kitchen. Elizabeth followed. “I thought maybe you were moving too fast. Or maybe he’d, uh, gotten you in trouble.” She lifted her brows, and Elizabeth flushed.

“No. No, definitely not.” And she’d gone to the doctor like they’d talked about. And hopefully, in another week or so, she’d get the confirmation that their rush a few nights ago wouldn’t have any lasting consequences. “We just…I don’t know. It seemed like a good idea.”

“Well, it’s been almost three weeks,” Tammy said. “Do you still think it was a good idea?”

Elizabeth considered the question. The threat from Carly was a fading one, though she had her worries about the secret Jason was keeping from Sonny on Carly’s behalf. There was the more worrying threat of Sorel going after her again, but she wasn’t that concerned. But had they really needed to get married to solve either of those problems? Probably not.

“I do,” she said finally. “In fact, I think it was a great idea. And I’m really happy.”

“Good. Consider your resignation accepted. We’re going to miss you around here.” Tammy hugged her. “And you’re always welcome back if you miss the smell of grease and chili.”

Thursday, January 20, 2000

Quartermaine Estate: Master Bedroom

Carly poured over the staff directory from Mercy Hospital, but wasn’t surprised when she learned that Lorraine wasn’t still working there. And the nurse had already been an unreliable ally the last time Carly had worked with her. But it hadn’t been Lorraine’s fault the truth had come out — that had been AJ.

No, she just needed a paternity test that would stand up to whatever Jason would do with it. Would he investigate it himself? Carly tossed the staff directory back into the drawer and found the phone book. Maybe Lorraine was working at a different hospital — she had money now. Lots of it. And AJ never asked about how she spent it.

She’d pay Lorraine whatever she wanted this time if she could just guarantee a paternity test Jason would believe. Oh, but what if the kid came out looking just like Sonny? Jason would never believe it then—

Carly scowled and paced the room, a hand at the small of her back. She could try to get to Lorraine, that was definitely an idea on deck. But she needed an exit plan. A way to guarantee that she could keep herself out of a bitter custody dispute with Sonny and out of divorce court with AJ.

She exhaled slowly, met her eyes the mirror. There were only a few ways out of this mess, Carly thought. And none them ended particularly happy. She just had to choose her poison, commit to it, and hope for the best.

She’d track Lorraine down and hope like hell her genetics won the day and gave her a blonde-haired baby. The universe owed her that much, at least.

Friday, January 21, 2000

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason emerged from the kitchen as Elizabeth limped through the front door. His brow creased. “It’s still hurting?”

“Not as bad as a few days ago.” She sighed with relief as Jason slid her coat off her shoulders, took her backpack, and then carried her to the sofa. “I could have made it on my own.”

“Yeah, yeah—” He slid off her ballet-shoe shaped flat and sighed. The cuts were basically healed — just thin lines at the bottom of her feet. “It’s just this foot now, right?”

“Mmm. The deepest cut. Your medical guy said it would take another few days the last time he looked.” She sighed and stretched her arms over her head.

“Richie also said that you should stay off of it,” Jason reminded her. She cracked open one eye.

“What’s your point?”

“Nothing.” He couldn’t help but smile at the grumbling in her voice. While it frustrated him at times that she was so stubborn, he also respected her more for it. She’d promised Audrey she’d finish college, so she’d gone to her classes. And she had refused to call out of Kelly’s, knowing she would leave Tammy short-handed. Not when she was already planning to leave her job.

It would be so easy for her, Jason thought, to have lounged around the penthouse the way Carly had. To go shopping and use the bank account he’d given her. Not that he’d ever look, but he doubted that she’d even touched any money that she hadn’t earned.

“I can feel you looking at me.”

“I was thinking about how much I wish I didn’t have to go out again tonight,” he said with a sigh, and now she opened both her eyes and sat up on her elbows. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” Elizabeth sat all the way up now, folding her legs beneath her. “We don’t have to talk about where you’re going,” she added, “because I know it. And while it’d be great if it was just over already, it’s not that easy.” She leaned forward, kissed him. “When do you have to go?”

Jason pulled her across his lap and kissed her again, deepening the embrace. It had been days, he thought, since they’d had time for each other. It seemed like she was always coming in as he was going out. “I have to deal with a shipment first, and then—” Then he’d do his round of the places Sorel might be, looking for the opportunity to make this over. Sorel had been cagey the last week — avoiding public places — and the last thing Jason wanted was to chance breaking into a private property.

No, this had to be a clean kill with a guaranteed disposal. He wasn’t going to take any chances that he couldn’t come home. Or that he’d leave Elizabeth unprotected.

“I probably have an hour or so.”

“Mmm, that’s enough time—” Elizabeth sighed when his cell phone rang. “Or not.” She shimmied off his lap, and he grimaced at the interruption. He went into the kitchen to answer it since it was one of their guys at the warehouse.

When he came back, he went to the closet for his lockbox. “I have to go now,” Jason said, with some regret. “I’m sorry.”

“What did I say about apologizing?” She leaned over the back of the sofa, watched him. “I should learn how to use a gun. I can hold one,” she continued when he looked at her, startled. “But I don’t know if I can do more than aim and hope for the best. Do you think I should know?”

“Do I get in trouble if I say I wish I could say no?” Jason asked. He slid a magazine into the the gun, then pulled out the holster that sat at the small of his back. He tucked the gun securely, then closed the lockbox. “But you should probably know how to aim,” he said. “And to hit something.” He looked at her, considering. “Do you really want to know?”

“That feels like a trick question.” She sat back on her heels. “No. But wanting and needing are two different things. And I don’t want to learn in the moment, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do.” He returned the box to the closet. “I’ll take you out to the range,” he said. “And you can get a permit.” He came back to the sofa, leaned down to kiss her. “But stay out of trouble while I’m gone.”

“No guarantees,” she called as he left, and he grinned as he pulled the door shut.

—

Elizabeth was already bored out of her mind an hour after Jason had left, flipping through the channels and contemplating pizza for dinner. When the phone rang, she was almost pathetically excited for something to do. She grabbed the cordless from the coffee table. “Hello?”

“Mrs. Morgan, I have Carlotta Vega in the lobby, hoping you have some time today.”

Carlotta Vega? Elizabeth straightened, her brows furrowed. “Ah, she can come up.”  Why would she come here? Hadn’t she said she’d send Elizabeth an invitation? And was she supposed to let the woman come upstairs without Jason being here?

Yes, she thought. The front desk guards wouldn’t have even bothered to call — Jason would have given them a list of people to admit or to keep out. And he’d liked Carlotta Vega, hadn’t he?

Still a bit bewildered, Elizabeth opened the door a few minutes later when she heard the elevator outside the door. Francis had his hand already poised to knock. “Mrs. Vega is here,” he said.

“Yeah, um, yes, thank you.” Elizabeth felt a bit dowdy in the jeans and sweater she’d worn to her classes and her feet bare, except for the heavy wool socks she’d put on when Jason left. “Mrs. Vega—”

“Please…” Carlotta sailed in, perfectly coifed in a coffee and cream skirt set, her hair just precisely set, and pearls at her ears. “I’ve been thinking about you all week, my dear.” She kissed Elizabeth’s cheek. “But Daniel insisted I give you some time to recover.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth closed the door. “I’m fine.”

“After we heard what happened, I hope you know we were both quite upset. Daniel was already regretting the reception by the time you arrived last week—” Carlotta ushered Elizabeth back to the sofa. She sat in the armchair. “And what was attempted — Sonny told us how brave you were.”

“Well, I don’t know about brave. Just—just stubborn. I guess.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “Do you—I could make some coffee?”

“I’m only here for a moment, my dear. I don’t intend to put you out at all.” Carlotta patted her knee. “Sonny told us you’d hurt your feet?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth curled her toes. “Yeah, well. We had to—I couldn’t run in heels. And stockings don’t really offer a lot of protection. But I’m okay. Mostly all healed.”

“Well, that’s good. You don’t have to be nervous—” Carlotta’s eyes crinkled at the corners as she smiled. “Unless Jason’s been filling your ears with terrible tales—”

“Oh. No, no, no. The opposite, really. Just that you’re kind of…” Elizabeth hesitated. “He said he liked you. And I did, too. I do, still. I mean. I think—” She paused. “When Sorel cut into that dance last week, you stopped Jason from murdering him on the spot.”

“To my everlasting regret,” Carlotta muttered, and Elizabeth smiled, a bit more at ease. “It’s best to tread lightly, Elizabeth, when you’re in a room filled with men who claim to be your ally with one breath, and stab you with the next. You’ll learn this as you go along, but just because it appears everyone was on the same side last Friday, that does not make it true. Sorel has allies. Ones we know about, and the ones we do not. Jason knows this, but I worried he might forget in the moment. He’s quite protective of you.”

“I know. I guess I just—you handled Sorel so well that night. And he…he was intimidated by you.” Elizabeth paused. “I guess I wish I could do that. Or at least know to handle that better. I don’t want to be a liability for Jason.”

“I would hope that if I were in a limo with my husband,” Carlotta said, “and we learned that we were in the process of being kidnapped, that I would have the strength and courage to leap out and run away with him. Sonny told us that Jason had been injured. That it was you who kept Joseph’s men from accomplishing their goal.”

“I—yeah, I guess.”

“That is precisely the opposite of a liability. But I understand your concern. It’s not a world for the weak, Elizabeth. And if you choose it, you must really choose it.” She tilted her head. “Have you made the choice with your eyes wide open?”

“I think so. I mean, yes.” Elizabeth nodded, thinking of the gun shot wound she’d tended, the bomb in her studio — the chances she’d had to walk away. “Yes. I knew who Jason was when I married him. And I wouldn’t want him to be different. Not unless it’s something he wants.”

“Good. Good. Well, I won’t keep you any longer, my dear. Expect an invitation to tea. Thank you for letting me impose on you.”

“It was nice to see you.” Elizabeth followed her to the door. “Um, tell Mr. Vega I said hello.”

“I will do that.” Carlotta smiled at her, then left. Elizabeth exhaled on a rush of air, a bit relieved. She genuinely liked the other woman, but it had felt like a visit from the president or some other visiting dignitary. She was just relieved it was over.

Saturday, January 22, 2000

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Jason tiptoed into the room, having already kicked off his boots downstairs. It was just past five in the morning, and the sleepless nights were starting to wear on him.

Elizabeth was curled up on her side of the bed, her hands tucked under her chin, the comforter pooled around her waist. He waited an extra moment, to be sure her breathing was deep and even — he hadn’t woken her.

He tossed his clothes in the hamper, pulled on a pair of sweats and crawled into the bed, inching towards her. He didn’t want to wake or disturb her, but he also — he just missed her.

Jason stretched himself out at her back and kissed her shoulder before laying his head on her pillow, content to just be close.

“You’re home,” her slurred words barely audible.

“Go to back to sleep,” he murmured in her ear. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“Not awake. Dreaming.” She sighed, then snuggled against him. He relaxed, laid a hand over her waist, which she found and laced together with her own, holding it against her abdomen. Jason closed his eyes and let himself drift to sleep.

Closing time, open all the doors
And let you out into the world
Closing time, turn all of the lights on
Over every boy and every girl
Closing time, one last call for alcohol
So, finish your whiskey or beer
Closing time, you don’t have to go home
But you can’t stay here
– Closing Time, Semisonic

---

Monday, January 17, 2000

Quartermaine Estate: Gardens

Jason paced the small clearing at the center of the Quartermaine gardens, an itch between his shoulder blades. He hated being on the grounds of this place and only rarely visited for Lila’s sake. He adored his grandmother, but he could happily watch this place burn to the ground.

But he couldn’t think of anywhere else to have this conversation that was safe for him. Or for her. He’d waited to send word until AJ was out of the house, and the only person at home was Lila who would never breathe a word to anyone even if she knew.

There was a rustling of branches and leaves as Carly stepped around the hedges, her eyes lit with excitement, her cheeks flushed. “I knew you’d come to your senses—” she said, hurrying forward.

He put a hand up and she halted, drawing her brows together. “Give me one good reason why I don’t tell everyone the truth,” he said flatly.

Carly swallowed hard, hurt flashing in her dark eyes. He ignored the twist in his gut. “What truth?” she managed.

“You’re pregnant,” Jason said. “And Bobbie thinks it’s mine.” He gritted his teeth. “She won’t be the only one who wonders—”

“Jason—”

“Is it Sonny’s baby?” Jason interrupted. “And don’t lie to me, Carly. I always find out. For once in your goddamn life, tell me the truth.”

She exhaled slowly, closed her eyes. “I don’t know. It could be AJ’s.” Carly opened her eyes, met his eyes. “I need time, okay? A few months. Paternity tests are risky, and after everything with Michael—what’s the point in blowing up my life if AJ is the father?”

Months of everyone staring at him, thinking it might be his—Jason didn’t give a damn about himself, but he knew it would wear on Elizabeth. She might be smiling and bearing it now, but how long would that last?

But why would he destroy Michael’s life if he didn’t have to?

“I want the test,” Jason said finally. “When you have it done. I want the results, Carly. And if you pull the same crap on me that you did with Tony, you’ll regret it.”

“I know—” Relief flooded her eyes. “Thank you. Thank you. I know I don’t deserve this—”

“You don’t. But Michael does.” Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. “Stay away from me, Carly. The best thing for all of us is if we don’t have anything to do with one another.”

“Right. Right. Thank you.” Carly edged back. “I should go.” She disappeared around the hedge, and Jason put her out of his mind just as quickly.

He had another meeting to get to.

No Name Restaurant: Back Room

Sonny got to his feet when Jason strode through the doors, putting up his hand. “Before we go in—”

“I’m doing the talking,” Jason said. “The rest of you have had your chance to deal with this.” Elizabeth was walking better and she’d gone to work today, but she was still limping.

And he’d never forget coming to his senses in the middle of the park, laying partially down a hill, with her sprawled over him to protect him. Waking up, sobbing in the middle of the night, because she’d been so scared.

Sonny had nearly gotten her killed. The men in that room had played with her life.

Jason was done with the politics of it all.

“I know, but—” Sonny stepped in front of Jason. “They don’t need to know we have issues, do they?” he demanded in a hushed, but urgent voice. “They’ll smell the blood in the water.”

“You think they don’t already?” Jason demanded, but the guilt sank in for the secret he was keeping. Did Sonny deserve to know there was a chance Carly was pregnant with his child? Was it right to keep it all quiet? “Let’s get this over with.”

Inside, a small cluster of men was milling around a table. It was early, but more than one of them was already drinking.

Daniel Vega broke away from Tagliatti and crossed to Jason. “I’m glad you could come. I wanted to apologize for what happened—”

Jason forced himself to accept the handshake. Nothing would be solved if he just punched everyone he saw today, even though he wanted to draw blood. The rage had ignited all over again just looking at their damn faces. Their smug expressions. They figured they’d smooth things over because that’s how things were done—

Not this time.

“Carlotta asked after your wife,” Daniel murmured, drawing closer. “She wanted to visit, but I thought you might not want to see anyone for a few days.” He smiled wryly. “Or ever.”

“She can come whenever she wants,” Jason muttered, remembering the kindness of Daniel’s wife and Elizabeth’s delight in meeting her. “The rest of you? No.”

“Fair enough.” Daniel stepped back. “We wanted to talk about Friday. What went wrong, and what we should do next—”

“Sorel is clearly a problem we need to resolve,” Tagliatti began.

“What went wrong is you thought you could play Sorel,” Jason interrupted, and there was a stony silence. “You thought you had him under control. He saw Friday coming. Why do you think he forced his way into an invitation? Why do you think he cut in to dance with my wife? He wanted to show us all that he’s the one in charge.” And he had been, Jason thought. Because these men had been blinded by arrogance and Jason by rage.

“We had a deal. We tried your way,” Jason said simply. “Now we’ll do it mine. I’ll take care of Sorel. A few weeks to let his guard down, and then I’ll make him disappear.” He lifted his chin. “Any questions?”

“Sonny—” Tagliatti began, but Daniel shook his head.

“The boy is right,” Daniel declared, and some of the other men who had looked irritated subsided. “He did what we asked, and nearly paid a heavy price. The deal was made and must be honored.” He faced Jason. “But don’t wait too long. Sorel is too unpredictable to stay on the loose.”

Kelly’s: Kitchen

Elizabeth winced, shifting her weight from one foot to another. She would have called out today, but she wanted to give her two week notice and it felt disrespectful to duck out on another shift in the middle of that. Not to mention, classes were starting in the morning and she had to learn how to walk with the pain anyway.

She managed to get through the breakfast shift before limping into the kitchen and sitting on a stool. DJ, the cook, eyed her with some concern. “You good, Lizzie?”

“No, but I only have four more hours,” she muttered. She took the glass of water he offered. “I cut my foot over the weekend.”

“Okay.” DJ shrugged. “I’m on my break,” he told her, shrugging into his jacket. “Back in fifteen.”

“No problem. It’s just coffee drinkers right now.” The cook disappeared into the alley for his usual cigarettes, and Elizabeth wiggled her toes in her sneaker, trying to absorb the aches.

“Oh, I thought I’d find you in here.”

Elizabeth twisted to find Bobbie coming down the back stairs. “I didn’t know you were here.”

“I came early to do an inventory of the rooms upstairs,” Bobbie said. She furrowed her brow. “How’s the feet?”

“Better today,” Elizabeth said. “Did you need something?”

“I thought we should talk about this Jason thing on our own.” Bobbie pitched her voice lower. “Away from him. I know you think you need to follow his lead—”

“Bobbie, this isn’t my business—”

“It will be,” the nurse insisted. “Jason might be able to ignore it for now because the baby isn’t here, but what happens after it’s born? Do you really think Jason can walk away from his own child?”

“No, and I would never ask him to,” Elizabeth said carefully. “But that’s not what’s happening here—”

“I know it hurts you to think of him together with Carly only a short time ago,” Bobbie said, and Elizabeth’s chest tightened. “But ignoring it isn’t going to help. I don’t think her relationship with AJ turned until she went to the police. AJ made her do that, you know. I think he leveraged their marriage.”

Elizabeth blinked at her. “I don’t understand—”

“I just—I’m not as convinced as Jason seems to be that this might be AJ’s child. Yes, it would be easier for everyone everyone involved—”

“Wouldn’t AJ already know that?” Elizabeth interrupted. “I mean, Bobbie, you’re assuming a whole lot. AJ would know if there’s a chance and he hasn’t said anything—”

“Because raising Jason’s child would be a good bit of revenge,” Bobbie said softly, and Elizabeth closed her mouth. “Karmic justice. AJ could save face with everyone, keep his family together, and take Jason’s child from him.”

“Maybe,” Elizabeth said. “But—”

“Have you and Jason talked about Carly?” Bobbie wanted to know. “I hate to push you, sweetheart, but I think ignoring the fact that Jason was, until very recently, involved with Carly, is only going to be a problem down the road.”

Elizabeth stared down at her hands. “I know.”

“I married someone on the rebound, you know.” Bobbie tilted Elizabeth’s chin up. “I divorced Tony and married Stefan before the ink on the papers was dry. I had my reasons for it, but I know better than anyone. If you don’t resolve the past, you can’t go on—”

“Bobbie—it’s not like Jason and I got married for the usual reasons,” Elizabeth said with a forced shrug.

“I know that. But you can’t tell me that hasn’t changed.” Bobbie stepped back. “I just want you to be okay, Elizabeth. You and Jason. And I just have this terrible feeling about how this will end if we ignore what’s going on.”

“I’ll talk to Jason, but I’m not going to push him.” Elizabeth got to her feet, wincing again. “I’m not Robin. I’m not Sonny. I won’t force him into making a decision he’s not ready to make.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth pushed open the door and smiled when she found Jason playing a game of pool. “Hey. I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“I wanted to see how you were after work.” Jason strode forward and plucked her off her feet.

“Sore,” she admitted, sighing happily as he set her on the sofa, then plumped the pillow behind her head.  “Oh, don’t, they’re—” she said as Jason pulled out the first aid kit he’d left on the coffee table and started cleaning the last of her cuts. “I’m not going to argue anymore.”

“That’d be new,” he teased, and she smiled again. Then she closed her eyes, felt herself start to drift. It had been such a long, painful shift. Thank God she only had two classes the next day and could sit during both.

“I went to see Carly today.”

Elizabeth’s eyes snapped and she stared at him, suddenly alert. “You did?”

“I wanted to know if the baby was Sonny or AJ’s.” Jason hesitated. “She said she doesn’t know. Asked for time so she could do a paternity test.”

“And you believe her?”

“I believe she wants time,” Jason said slowly. “I don’t know if I believe that she doesn’t know. I just—” he shook his head. “I told her I wanted a copy of the paternity test, and I’ll find out if it’s real or not. So maybe she was telling the truth.”

“Maybe.” Elizabeth laid back, stared at the ceiling. Thinking of Bobbie’s words. She didn’t want to talk about Carly. She never wanted to talk about the toxic blonde again, but the universe wasn’t really giving her a break. “Bobbie was at Kelly’s today.”

Jason tensed, pausing for a moment, then finished replacing the last bandage on her foot. He closed up the kit. “Yeah?”

“She thinks there’s a good chance AJ is covering for Carly because he thinks it’s your baby. That he’d see it as a revenge for Michael.”

“He probably would,” Jason admitted. “But it’s not mine—”

“I know that.”

“Bobbie won’t be the only person who thinks it,” he said, echoing their conversation from a few days earlier. “I know that bothers you.”

“It shouldn’t. I know the truth.” But it was there. A little tug in her gut that twisted everything and made it feel sour. “It’s not just that.” He didn’t say anything, so she continued. “I know you want to protect Michael. I believe you. But…he’s only two. Do you really think AJ and Carly are going to last forever? Isn’t it more likely that they’re going to split later? Wouldn’t it be better now when he’s too young to really remember?”

“Maybe,” Jason admitted. “But that won’t be my fault. This would be—”

“No, it would be Carly’s,” Elizabeth insisted. She sat up, on her elbows. “And maybe that’s it. Maybe it feels like you’re protecting her more than Michael.”

“I’m protecting us,” Jason corrected with a flare of irritation. “If I blow up Carly’s life, she’ll just come after us again. At least this way, we get a break. I’m still dealing with Sorel—” He tensed. “If you think you can’t keep the secret, I need to know now—”

“I’m not going to say anything,” Elizabeth cut in, knowing he was thinking of Robin. “This isn’t about me. And because I know it’s not your baby, it doesn’t really affect us. It’s just—” She bit her lip. “Whatever you want to do, Jason, I’m going to support you. I know you don’t believe that—”

“I do—”

“You don’t, but that’s okay. You’ve been here before.” He met her eyes. “Everyone thought Michael was yours. And Robin managed to deal with it as long as Carly wasn’t around. It poisoned things with her, though, didn’t it? Asking her to keep the secret. To let people think you cheated on her.”

“Yeah.”

“That’s not what’s happening here. I’m telling you that I don’t agree with you keeping this secret, but that’s as far as it goes. I know why you’re doing it. Mostly. And you know why you’re doing it. Carly wants more time. We’ll give it to her.” She reached for his hand. “You get to make your own choices, Jason. And this is yours to make.”

“But you think it’s a mistake.”

“I do,” Elizabeth forced out. “But maybe I’m wrong. I could be.”

Jason exhaled slowly, looked up at the ceiling, then back at her. “I don’t know what the right thing to do is,” he admitted. “I just can’t blow everything up. Not yet.”

“Then you won’t. And we’ll see what happens.”

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open
You’re so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You’re broken
When your heart’s not open
– Frozen, Madonna

---

Saturday, January 15, 2000

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“You know, I could get used to this,” Elizabeth decided as Jason carried her towards the sofa. “But it would probably be harder to serve chili if you were always carrying me everywhere.”

Jason laughed, carefully lowering her to the cushions, making sure he didn’t brush her feet up against anything. The cuts and scrapes looked better this morning, but she hadn’t been able to put any weight on them. Hopefully by the time Monday rolled around—

Jason disappeared into the kitchen and emerged a little while later with coffee in one hand and a hot chocolate in the other. “Here—”

“Thank you.” He sat next to her, and she brushed her fingertips under his cheek where there was still a small cut and bruise from whatever he had hit his head on the night before. “How’s your head? You were out for so long—”

“It’s fine. I’ve got a hard head.” Jason caught her hand and kissed it. “You don’t have to worry about me.”

“Okay, well that’s not going to happen.” She studied the rapidly melting whipped cream as it sunk into the dark chocolate. “Um, there’s something I wanted to talk to you about but I don’t really know…how.”

Jason stretched his arm across the back of the sofa, angling his body towards her. “You can talk to me about anything. You know that.”

“I do. It’s—” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “Last night. Um, we didn’t—” Her cheeks heated and she looked away. “We didn’t use anything.” She glanced up quickly to see his smile fade.

“No. We—” He grimaced, sat up and set his coffee on the table. “I’m sorry—”

“I didn’t—I didn’t bring that up because you did anything wrong. And it’s—last night wasn’t like the other times, so it’s fine—”

“It’s not—”

“Hey.” Elizabeth felt suddenly at ease with the conversation—maybe because Jason seemed flustered, and it made her feel better. “It’s both of us, right? Just because you have more experience—and it’s okay. I just—want us to be careful. I thought, on Monday, I could make an appointment and go on the pill.” She paused. “So, you know, we can be spontaneous and all.”

“I—” Jason scratched the end of his brow with his thumb. “I’m usually—I haven’t been with anyone since Robin,” he said suddenly, and she frowned. “You don’t have to worry—”

“No, and I wasn’t. Jason, it’s just something that happened, and I don’t want to be stupid about it, you know? So we’ll just be more careful until I’m good, and then we can do what we want when we want.”

“What if—” Jason made a face, then forced out the rest of it. “What if it’s—I mean, is it the wrong time? I—”

Her eyes widened as she realized what he was asking. “Oh. Um. No, we’re probably okay.” Probably.

“What if it’s not?”

Oh, God, wasn’t that a thought? She tightened her hands around the mug. “Then we deal with that, I guess, but there’s no point in worrying about it until we have to.” She saw the question in his eyes and realized he wouldn’t ask it. “And by deal with it, I guess we’d talk about what it meant. I, um, guess you probably want kids. Right? Or at least one. After—I mean you were such—I’m sorry.” Elizabeth shook her head. “We don’t have to talk about it.” They’d barely been together for three weeks—but then again, they’d been married for nearly the entirety of their relationship— you had to start talking about these kinds of conversations when you got married—this is why you didn’t just drift into marriage—

“I hadn’t let myself think about it,” Jason said finally. He sat back again, reached for one of her hands. “But, I guess, yeah. I’d want to.” His eyes searched hers. “But you don’t.”

“Not yet. No. I just—there’s so much I want to see and to do, and I know that kids don’t have to slow you down, but I always wondered if maybe my mom felt like that — you know, if she had done all the things she wanted to do before she had me or my sister, would she have…” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “But maybe one day. I guess.” It was the first time she felt the age difference between them. He was seven years older than her, and maybe he wouldn’t want to wait around three or four years until she wanted to have kids—and what if she didn’t want them then—

“I get that. And you know, talking with your grandmother last week — I thought about the places I’ve read about. I always thought I’d go one day, but I never did. I’ve been to the Caribbean for Sonny. And South America. Paris. But there’s a lot more out there.” He tipped his head. “I don’t blame you for wanting to wait to have kids. You’re…I mean we don’t talk about it, but you’re eighteen—” His mouth tightened, and he hesitated. “I don’t—I only really remember the last four years, so I don’t notice it. But—”

“Four years of being an adult,” Elizabeth said, and he nodded. “Yeah, I get it. It’s not that I don’t want them. I just…know there’s a lot more I want to do first. And I don’t want to ever be my mother, looking at a baby, and thinking of all the opportunities they cost me—”

“That wouldn’t be you,” he told her softly. “Hey. Can you look at me?”

She met his eyes. “It might.”

“No, it wouldn’t. You wouldn’t punish a child who never asked to be here in the first place,” he told her. “You know what’s it like. You’d never do that.”

“Yeah. I guess not.” She took a deep breath, then swiped at her eyes. “Why are we even talking about this?”

“Because we were irresponsible last night. It’s my fault—” She opened her mouth to argue, but he shook his head. “It is. And we both agree now isn’t a good time, so we’re on the same page.” He leaned forward, kissed her gently. “The rest can wait, okay?”

“Okay.” Elizabeth nodded. “I’ll make the appointment, and we won’t be stupid again.”

“Sounds like a plan.” He stroked her leg, then got to his feet. “I have to make a few calls. I want to check on Max. You want something to eat?”

“Yeah. I’m actually starving,” she admitted. “I didn’t eat much last night at dinner. Too nervous.”

“I’ll be back.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Bobbie set down her purse and smiled at Tammy. “Hey. How’s business this morning?”

“Not bad, not bad.” Tammy handed her the receipts and the accounting book. “We’re going to need to advertise for another full-time waitress,” she told Bobbie.

Bobbie frowned, tipped her head. “Are we losing someone?”

“I haven’t heard back officially, but—” Tammy checked the coffee pots, eying the levels in each. “I imagine Elizabeth will be giving her notice soon. Her classes start this week, and I can’t see her balancing work, classes, her art, and a new marriage—”

Bobbie set down her pencil. “She’s managed before—”

“Oh. Well, yeah, but it’s different now, and I want to see her spend a bit more time on herself, you know?” The pretty blonde focused on Bobbie. “What, you don’t think so?”

“I just—I’d hate to see her give up her job without a better plan. She’s, uh, well, a lot of marriages end in divorce the first year.” She grimaced. “And I should know that they end in divorce even after the first year.”

“There’s a point, but it’s not like she’s married to the local idiot at the dive bar.” Tammy frowned. “I thought you liked Jason. You don’t think they got what it takes?”

“I think,” Bobbie said carefully, thinking of the conversation she’d had with her daughter a few days earlier, “that even the best relationships can hit a bump in the road. I do like Jason, but Elizabeth’s awfully young—”

“That gave me pause, I’ll tell ya,” Tammy said. She planted one hand on her hip, the other on the counter. “But the more I thought about it, the more I liked it. I mean, on one hand, I’d love to see her go out and have a wild couple of years. I think maybe she’d benefit from it. But who’s to say she can’t still have that? It’s not like Jason Morgan’s the sedate kind of guy. She was just talking the other day about plans they got to go traveling this summer—another reason I think she’s considering her two-week notice.”

“Traveling?”

“Oh, yeah. And man, I’m a bit envious. They’re both young. He’s got money and she’s got a list of all these places she wants to see for the art. And apparently he wants to go to Egypt.” Tammy grinned. “It was nice, listening to her. She sounded excited. And she’s had too much tragedy in her life.”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“He’s good for her. And she’s good for him. Makes him smile. Keeps him light. Don’t you think?”

“I had trouble adjusting to the idea,” Bobbie admitted. “Because it was supposed to be my nephew for Elizabeth. And maybe it was harder to let go of that than I thought.” And it still took her breath away sometimes to think of the bright, brash, vibrant life lost. Oh, where Lucky might have gone in life if he’d just had the chance?

Where would her BJ have gone?

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring up bad memories. I just—I wasn’t even talking about losing Lucky, though, yeah. I was talking about what happened to her before.” Tammy paused. “Lucky came to visit me once when I was still walking the streets.”

Bobbie blinked. “What?”

“Sweetest thing. He was starting to have feelings for Elizabeth and wanted to make them go away. Because of what she’d been through,” Tammy continued. “He didn’t want to hurt or scare her. I sent him away, of course. He was underage for one thing, and for another, I think it might have helped her to see a life past what happened to her.”

“That’s certainly true.” Bobbie exhaled slowly. “I just worry. There’s so much out there they don’t know about yet. And so much that could go wrong.” So much damage Carly could do with a child that was biologically Jason’s, which was what Bobbie feared was happening. Carly might be content to let the situation lie for now but she wouldn’t forever. Bobbie didn’t want to see Elizabeth walk Robin’s path.

“That’s true for anyone, Bobbie. I think they’ll surprise you. But, like I said, I just want to be ready when she gives notice.”

“Yes, of course.” Bobbie put her things back into her purse. “You know, I’ll take the books with me today, Tammy. I have somewhere to be.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason brought out another mug of hot chocolate and a bagel, along with a new cup of coffee for himself. “I made some calls,” he told her, “And I figured you’d want to know that Max is recovering.” He settled himself back on the sofa, draping her legs over his lap. “Doc says it’ll be a full recovery. He got lucky.”

“Good.”

They didn’t talk about it again until she’d finished her food and set the empty plate on the coffee table, but she could tell his mind was somewhere else. On their conversation earlier? She hoped not.

“About last night—” Jason said, then broke off. “Not that—I mean, at the restaurant. The limo—I’m sorry.”

Elizabeth frowned. “For what?”

He traced the edges of her knee through her sweatpants, not meeting her eyes. “It was my fault.”

“Jason—”

“I want to blame Sonny. I do,” he added, “but he’s not the reason last night happened.” Jason cleared his throat. “I didn’t check the car.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together, taking in Jason’s words. Remembering the night before as he’d hustled her out of the club and into the waiting limo. “You mean to make sure it was Max driving.”

“Yeah. If I’d done that—if I’d done the sweep I’m supposed to do—” Now Jason met her eyes. “That’s what happened to Lily, you know. They were celebrating at Luke’s and Sonny had too much to drink. She took the keys. They hadn’t brought any guards, but Sonny would have checked the car. He was too tipsy, and so no one checked. And Lily died.”

And so had Sonny’s unborn child.

“I didn’t do a bomb sweep,” Jason muttered. “I didn’t check the driver. I didn’t do anything. I just want you out of that restaurant. Away from all those people.”

“Away from Sorel.”

“Yeah.”

She exhaled slowly. “You know that’s why he cut into the dance.” Jason frowned, met her eyes. “Well, I mean, other than to be an ass. He had to know it would irritate you. He waited until we were supposed to leave, and got you mad.”

“And I got careless,” he bit out. He shoved himself to his feet, careful not to jostle her. “I let my anger take over. You could have died. You almost did.” He stalked over to the balcony doors, staring out into the gloomy and overcast January morning.

“You almost did, too,” Elizabeth pointed out. She set her feet down, wincing as she stood and hobbled over to him. “On the trail—”

Jason turned, scowling to find her standing behind him. “You should be—”

“I’m fine—” Elizabeth put her hands on his forearms as they reached out to her. “Look, I’m not going to lie to you. I was scared last night. We’ve already talked about it, and I’m not interested in rehashing it. It happened, and I was scared. And it’s not going to do either of us any good to pretend you’re not right.” She took a deep breath. “You made a mistake. Letting Sorel to get you like that. Not checking the car.”

Jason fell silent, his expression stony, his body tense.

“But I made mistakes, too. I didn’t ask about things going wrong. I didn’t ask about security protocol. Not all of it. I know now that cars should be swept. Checked for drivers.” Elizabeth paused. “I’m new at this, and I’m not always going to get it right—”

“None of this is your fault—”

“If you get to take responsibility for what you did wrong, then I get to take it, too. I was so relieved to be out of there, I didn’t think either. But it makes sense. We just got into the car that was outside because Sonny told us it would be there. We’re both smarter than that, Jason. But Sorel annoyed us.” She tightened her hands on his arms. “So we learn from those mistakes, right? We get to be grateful that we get another chance.”

The tension eased from his body then, and Jason sighed, meeting her eyes. “I wouldn’t blame you if you walked away,” he admitted.

“I’d blame me. I knew who you were, Jason, when we got into this. When I signed that marriage license—nothing here is new.” She made a face. “Except that you were right. I shouldn’t be standing.”

Jason scowled, then scooped her into his arms to take her back to the sofa. “I told you so.”

“Yeah, yeah,” she grumbled, settling back against the pillow. There was a knock at the door, and she sighed, letting her head fall back. He went to answer it.

Jason’s scowl deepened when he found Sonny on the other side. “What?”

“Uh, I wanted to see how Elizabeth was feeling this morning—” Sonny tipped his head around to look at Elizabeth. “Her feet looked pretty bad—”

“She’s fine.”

“Jason—”

“I don’t want to deal with this right now,” Jason told him, his fingers gripping the edge of the door tightly. “Because last night was my fault, too.”

“Jase—”

“You put us in the middle of everything, but I’m the one that put her in the car.” Jason lifted his chin. “We tried dealing with Sorel your way. Now we’re going to do it mine.”

“Yeah—”

“I want a meeting,” Jason cut in again. “Tell me when it’s scheduled.” Then he closed the door and went back to Elizabeth.

A little while later, there was another knock which Jason saw almost as a relief since they were both starting to get bored by watching television. He hoped it wasn’t Sonny, but he definitely wasn’t expecting—

“Bobbie.”

“Do you have a minute?” Bobbie asked. Jason nodded and let her enter. Bobbie hesitated, spying Elizabeth on the sofa, her feet bandaged. “What happened?”

“Broke a glass last night and sliced up my feet.” Elizabeth shrugged. “You know I’m a klutz.”

Bobbie pursed her lips, then turned back to Jason. “I don’t know if you’ve heard about Carly—”

“About her being pregnant?” Jason wanted to know. He slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “Yeah. Emily said something.”

“I—” Bobbie cleared her throat. “I debated whether I even wanted to do this. If Carly was right, and I should leave well enough alone. It’s better the way things are,” she continued. “Michael gets to have his parents, and you get to move on.”

“Bobbie—” Jason began, his brow furrowed.

She turned away from him to Elizabeth, who was also frowning. “And I wouldn’t want to hurt you for the world. But I can’t go through this again. I can’t hold this in and wait for another grandchild’s life to get blown up in a year or two.” She turned back to Jason. “You need to tell AJ he’s not the father.”

Jason frowned. “I don’t—”

“And you need to step up. I know it might hurt Michael in the short-term, but it’s the right decision for the truth to come out. It always does,” Bobbie added. “Demand a paternity test, tell AJ it might be yours. I don’t know. But we can’t just pretend. You can’t do this again, Jason.”

Jason closed his mouth, a bit helpless. Bobbie thought that he was the father? How— He glanced at Elizabeth who had dropped her eyes, staring at her lap. If he told Bobbie there wasn’t a chance it was his, would she believe him? Would she keep investigating? Damn it—

“I’m not going to say anything. Not right now. I know that you don’t want to rock the boat. I know that you’re happier without her. Believe me, Jason, I don’t want this for any of us. But this is where we are. And I want to know what you’re going to do about it.”

“I hear what you’re saying,” Jason said finally. “Elizabeth and I need to—we need to talk about it. I’ll handle it.”

“Then do it.”

When Bobbie had left, Jason looked at Elizabeth with some worry. “She’s wrong. It’s not mine. I promise—”

“I know,” Elizabeth said. “You told me that already, and I believed you then.” There was a half smile tugging at her lips, but it was a sad one. “It could have been. You know that.”

“It wouldn’t—” Jason winced, then looked away. He didn’t want to touch that topic with a ten-foot pole.  “I still meant what I said before. There’s no point in blowing anything up until we know if it’s Sonny’s or AJ’s, and whatever Bobbie thinks, there’s a chance it’s AJ.”

“Okay.”

She didn’t sound particularly convinced, and that irritated him. “If it’s AJ, what’s the point in getting everyone upset?” he wanted to know. “It’s none of my business then.”

“Do you think Bobbie’s the only one wondering?” Elizabeth asked. “You think no one is going to say anything to AJ? I just—” She shrugged. “It’s your choice at the end of the day, and I’m not telling you what to do.”

“I’ll figure something out. I promise,” he added. “It doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks, does it?” he asked, sitting back on the sofa. “You and I know the truth.”

“I know.” Elizabeth forced a smile. “You’ll handle it. And whatever you do, I’ll support you. We can drop it.”

Jason knew they weren’t really dropping it, but there was nothing left to say if he didn’t want to get into the murkiness of his relationship with Carly or the way he’d felt about her only a short time ago.

And he had no intention of ever opening that door.

But if you asked me to
I just might change my mind
And let you in my life, forever
If you asked me to
I just might give my heart
And stay here in your arms forever
If you asked me to
– If You Asked Me To, Celine Dion

---

Friday, January 14, 2000

Morgan Penthouse: Bathroom

Jason knocked lightly on the ajar door, then smiled faintly when he pushed it open. Elizabeth was still soaking in the bubble bath. Her head was turned to the side, cushioned by another folded towel, her eyes closed, the steam of the water flushing her pale skin. The tendrils of curls that had escaped from the pile she’d gathered on top were damp, clinging to her cheeks. She’d scrubbed her face clean before she’d gotten in the bath, no traces left of the terrible night she’d had, save for the bandaged feet, propped up at the end of the bathtub on a pile of towels.

He could breathe a little easier. She was safe, tucked away where nothing could hurt her. Everything else could wait.

Jason knelt next to the tub. “Hey,” he murmured, brushing the back of his knuckles down her cheek. “You awake?”

“Barely.” Elizabeth’s eyes fluttered and she turned her head back, smiling at him. “How long was I out?”

“Not long. You wanna soak longer, or—”

“No. I’m going to end up wrinkled like a prune.” Elizabeth’s nose scrunched up as she tried to sit up but remembered her feet which needed to stay dry. “Ugh.”

“I got it.” Jason found a plush bath towel in a cabinet and within a few minutes, he’d lifted her from the water and deposited her on the bed. He crossed to the dresser. “What do you want to sleep in?”

“One of your shirts?” she asked hesitantly. He turned back to her, and Elizabeth smiled ruefully. “They’re comfortable.”

He liked her in his shirts, so there was no argument from him. He grabbed a blue one from a drawer.

“Um, are things okay?” Elizabeth asked, tugging it over her head. Jason didn’t answer at first, disappearing into the bathroom to dump the used towels in the laundry hamper and drain the tub.

When he returned to the bedroom, she’d scooted back against the headboard, the comforter folded back. “They’re okay for tonight,” Jason said finally. He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. Didn’t want to tell her how much of the terror she’d experienced was his fault.

It burned, like acid searing holes inside him. It could have been so much worse—so much more tragic—what if the man driving had shot and killed them both—what if there had been a bomb—what if Elizabeth had ended up like Lily?

He’d been stupid. Foolish. His anger had clouded his judgment, and Jason had thought he was better than that. He’d learned to harness his emotions. To turn them off and focus. Then Sorel had cut into the dance and put his hands on Elizabeth—

He’d just wanted her out of there. Nothing else had mattered. And that mistake had nearly cost him everything that did.

“We can talk about it tomorrow,” Elizabeth offered. “I mean, we don’t have to at all. I don’t know what I’m supposed to ask or not. I mean—” She bit her lip. “I was part of it tonight, but I know I can’t know everything. I don’t want to—”

Jason crawled into bed next to her, having changed into a pair of sweats. “Hey.” He tugged her into his arms, and she snuggled next to him, tucking her head under his chin. “You can ask whatever you want whenever you want. I might not always be able to answer, but you get to ask, Elizabeth. And this—this isn’t normal. It won’t be. I promise.” He wouldn’t let it be.

“Okay.”

“I just don’t want to think about it anymore tonight.” She was safe, the worst of her injuries were the cuts on her feet, and he still had a nagging headache, but he’d escaped a concussion. They’d been lucky.

No thanks to him.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny slammed the door shut behind him, stalking over to the minibar to pour himself another tumbler of bourbon. He tossed back the first, then a second—then finally just reached for the bottle. But when he lifted it to his lips, his hand tightened.

They’d limped out of an alley, bedraggled and bruised. Jason with blood trickling down his cheek, his tie gone, his dress shirt dirty and ripped —

Elizabeth bleeding from scratches on her arms, her legs, her feet destroyed, her dress in tatters. Her eyes swollen from crying, hair limply hanging around her face, tear-stained mascara tracks down her cheeks—

Sonny threw the bottle across the room, the smash against the fireplace oddly satisfying. And he liked it so much that he swept the rest of the liquor from the bar, sending it crashing to the ground in jagged shards of glass.

He’d nearly gotten them both killed, and for what? So Sonny could beg for more respect from people who would never give it? He’d sacrificed what little trust Jason had had left for him for this?

The magnitude of his failure burned him, leaving a sour taste in his mouth. He’d worked so hard to salvage their friendship after that terrible night—and Sonny had thrown it all away.

For nothing.

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Elizabeth woke with a start, her heart pounding as she sat straight up and looked around, struggling to get her bearings in a pitch-black room — her eyes refusing to adjust—

“Hey. Hey.” Jason switched on the light on his side of the bed, and she could finally see where she was —

Safe. At home. Jason’s arms around her.

“Hey,” he murmured against her ear. “We’re okay.”

She turned to him, touching the skin just beneath the beneath the cut he’d refused to bandage. “We’re okay,” Elizabeth repeated. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just—” She winced, moving her feet. “I thought it was the park.”

Jason didn’t say anything, just held her tighter, his warmth surrounding her, easing the burn in her lungs as she’d fought to breathe.

“I didn’t know if I’d be able to get you out of sight.” She squeezed her eyes closed, fought down the panic that wanted to bubble up, the sobs that she’d never unleashed earlier. “You fell and you weren’t moving, and they were behind us—” She sucked in a breath, but she couldn’t hold it back anymore. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Don’t—” Jason swore, tugged her across his lap so he could hold her closer. He looped one of her arms over his shoulder. He smoothed her hair back. “Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I need to be stronger than this. I need to be able to handle it. I can. I promised I’d be able to—”

“You were strong.” Jason kept stroking her hair. “I still don’t know how you did it. Your feet—how far you ran—how fast—”

“I had to.” Miserably, she swiped her eyes. “I just—I was so scared. I got you down the hill, but I didn’t know if they’d be able to see us. I just—I laid on top of you, and I kept hoping, I kept praying that they wouldn’t see you because I could still run but you couldn’t—”

“If that ever happens again—” He grimaced. “You need to run. Do you understand? You leave me and you run—”

“Don’t—” She swallowed the first words she wanted to say. Don’t be stupid. “Would you leave me?” she demanded, angry that he’d even suggested it.

“That’s different—”

“It’s not. If I were unconscious with men chasing us, you’d never leave me behind. You’d carry me as long as you could, and then you’d find a way to protect me. I-I thought maybe I could keep running and distract them, but I was scared to get separated — ” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “I wouldn’t leave you. Don’t ask me to do that.”

“Elizabeth.” Jason just looked at her, a bit dumbfounded, his hands cupping her face. “If anything happened to you, I wouldn’t—”

“I wouldn’t leave you,” Elizabeth repeated. She stroked his cheek. “Don’t ask me to leave you.” Ever, she wanted to say. Don’t ever ask me to leave. Let me stay right here forever. But she swallowed those words and anything else she wanted to say.

Instead of answering or making the promise, he kissed her, harder, a bit more roughly than he had before, though she wasn’t complaining. She gasped when he shifted, laying her against the mattress and covering her, his mouth greedily devouring hers with so much passion she thought she might drown in it. She frantically reached for the waistband of his sweats, shoving and kicking them down his legs, not even noticing the pain in her feet.

He dragged her panties down, barely getting them off before he thrust inside her, hard. Elizabeth cried out, biting her lip and tasting her own blood.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her throat. “I’m sorry—”

“No, no—” Her nails dug into his shoulders. “No, go. Keep going—” She gasped and couldn’t form another coherent word as he did exactly as she asked, until she nearly went blind from pleasure. She felt her body tense against his, and he groaned, and then it was over, the only sound in the room their heavy and panting.

Jason’s lips cruised over her face as she sighed, stroking his back. “I’m sorry,” he murmured again.

“For what?” she murmured.

“I’m too heavy, for one thing,” he muttered, leaning up on his elbows. “And that’s—you deserve—”

“You know, the women I met tonight,” Elizabeth said, and he stopped talking, drawing his brows together. “They felt sorry for me. Because I didn’t have designer clothes or expensive jewelry.” She opened her eyes, smiled at him, lazily. “But you know, I think they were jealous.”

The corner of his mouth tipped up. “Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. Because I get to have you all to myself.” She stretched her arms over her head. “And they measure how much someone cares about them with the money they spend.” She met his eyes. “Thank you. For forgetting to be gentle. I’m not delicate.”

“No, you definitely aren’t.” He kissed the side of her throat, just under her ear. “But you are injured,” he reminded her. He looped her arms around his neck and lifted her up so that she was once again sitting in his lap. “And you’re going to feel this tomorrow.”

“Mmmm, probably, but worth it.” She kissed him again, her expression sobering. “I was scared tonight,” she confessed, and the amusement in his eyes faded. “I need to be able to tell you that. You were scared, too.”

“I was.” He rested his forehead against hers. “Terrified.”

“But we’re okay.” She laid a hand on his cheek. “We’re okay. And we’re going to keep being okay. Because you wouldn’t leave me, and I’m not going to leave you. I don’t know why you think I would.”

“I just want you to be safe.”

“I’m safe right here.” She laid her head against his shoulder, cuddling against him. “And there’s no place else I’d rather be.”

“Me either.”