And I can’t see that thief that lives inside of your head
But I can be some courage at the side of your bed
And I don’t know what’s happening and I can’t pretend
It’s a long, long get away, it’s a long, long get away
Make it home again, make it home again
It’s a long, long get away, it’s a long, long get away
– Thief, Our Lady Peace

---

Tuesday, May 9, 2000

Spencer House: Living Room

Laura enveloped her into a tight hug, then stepped back to let Elizabeth get all the way into the house. “I didn’t mean to jump you as soon as you came in.”

“It’s okay. I missed you, too.” Elizabeth followed Laura into the kitchen. “Thank you so much for taking care of Gatsby.”

“It’s no trouble. Lulu’s been asking for a pet,” Laura added, “so this has been good practice. Do you want some tea or something else to drink?”

“Water is fine.” Elizabeth checked her watch. Jason hadn’t called her back last night, and he hadn’t picked up again this morning. She told herself it wasn’t a big deal. There was a three-hour time difference, and maybe the message hadn’t saved. Or something had happened to the phone. Maybe Jason didn’t even know—

If she didn’t hear from him today, she could always call the hotel—

“You all right?” Laura set a glass down and took a seat at the table. “You look a million miles away. Or maybe just three thousand?”

“Jason—we can’t seem to connect—by phone, I mean. He wanted me to call him last night, but it went to voicemail, and I still haven’t heard from him.”

“Oh, well, that could be a thousand things,” Laura said, squeezing her hand. “I’m sure it’s all right.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Your last few phone calls seemed happier,” Laura said. “You and Jason are on the same page now?”

“It was hard at first. Awkward, which you know—I was so scared and unsure of myself before we went out there, and then things were weird and strained for a while, but then Jason and I—we just found our old rhythm again. A better one,” Elizabeth corrected. “We made plans. Talked about the future. He bought a pregnancy book. I think he’s read more than I have.”

“I’m so glad.”  Laura paused. “You won’t have to worry about Nikolas,” she told Elizabeth. “He and I had a pretty bad argument after the scene he made—”

“I can’t believe—I don’t even know how he found out,” Elizabeth said. “Emily said he was angry because we were all lying to him.” She bit her lip. “I didn’t really want to get into it, but we had a huge fight in January. Like massive. He said some really cruel things, so I told him then I was done. I wanted to be civil for you and for Emily—” She sighed.

“He’s having a very hard time letting Lucky go,” Laura said. She sipped her tea. “They only had each other for a few months, so I think that’s made it even more difficult. When you factor in Katherine, I can certainly understand some of what he’s feeling, but to take it out on you the way he has—”

“He told me in November that he had feelings for me,” Elizabeth confessed. “He tried to kiss me, but I had to—I had to turn him down. I told him I wasn’t—I wasn’t ready. I wanted to let him down easy, Laura. I didn’t want him to feel bad.”

“Oh, honey—”

“But I guess he decided I was lying after he found Jason at my place — and maybe he overheard us talking that night at dinner.” She looked towards the door, then back at Laura. “He’s your son. I don’t want to make things hard for you—”

“You are part of my family, too. He just feels like I’ve picked you, and maybe he’s right.” Laura sat back. “It’s always been hard to connect with him. He’s never let me in. I can’t blame him for that, but—” She shook her head. “Either way, that isn’t your problem. Stefan called me yesterday — he suggested Nikolas go to Greece for a few months,” Laura continued. “To clear his head a bit.”

“Maybe being away from everything will help. I hope it does. And on that subject, Jason and I are staying in Portland for a while.”

“Oh?” Laura raised a brow. “But—”

“Jason needs more time before he comes back, and I need to get back to work. Plus, I need to think about prenatal care, so it just makes sense to put down some roots.” She hesitated. “So I actually need to know if you’ll keep Gatsby.”

“Of course. Lu adores him—” Laura forced herself to smile. “I’m happy you and Jason are on the same page, though I’ll miss you.”

“I hope you’ll come visit,” Elizabeth asked hesitantly. “You and Emily and Bobbie. And we’re going to make sure we come to see Lila, though we’ll have to do that under the radar. But I don’t…I don’t want to lose anyone I’ve found here. I just…I need to do this for a little while.”

“Of course,” Laura squeezed Elizabeth’s hand. “But when the baby comes, don’t hesitate to ask for help. You’ll both be tired. You know Bobbie and I will jump at the chance to fly out and give you a week or two every few months.”

“It’s not permanent,” Elizabeth said with a shake of her head. “It’s just—”

“It’s okay. Whatever you and Jason choose will be right for you.”

“Thank you.” Elizabeth smiled, then looked at her watch again. “I should get back to the house. Emily’s coming by, and I want to check my messages.”

“Call me if you need anything.” Laura hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad it all worked out.”

“So am I.”

Hardy House: Living Room

Elizabeth frowned at the answering machine. No messages. She’d left Portland twenty-four hours ago. How could there be nothing—She picked it up and dialed into the machine at the studio, but there weren’t any messages from Jason there either.

She held the phone to her chest for a long moment, jolting when the dial tone started to echo.

“Hey—” Emily knocked as she opened the door. “I’m not late, am I?”

“No, I just—” Elizabeth picked up the phone and dialed the cell again. “Hey, it’s me again. Um, I don’t know if something is wrong or the phone isn’t working, but—I need you to call me.”

“Liz?” Emily asked when Elizabeth set the phone down and then went over to her purse to start rummaging through it. “What’s wrong?”

“Probably nothing,” she admitted. She sighed. “I don’t have anything with the hotel number on it—” Elizabeth turned back to Emily. “It’s just—Jason hasn’t called me since I got here.”

He’d left a postcard for her, wanting to hear her voice. And yet—

“Well, maybe the cell broke or something. You know how they can be a pain to connect—especially if it’s roaming. Is it?” Emily asked.

“That’s what I thought—” She bit her lip. “That’s probably it. Luke gave it to us — maybe it’s running low on minutes, and he doesn’t realize it. He could be just as worried—” She picked up the phone, dialing the number for information. “Hello, can I have the number for the New Imperial Hotel in Portland, Oregon?” She repeated it slower for the automated service.  “Yes—” she said, agreeing to be connected directly.

“New Imperial Hotel,” someone chirped. “How many I direct your call?”

“Room 414,” Elizabeth said, folding one arm across her chest. She waited. The phone rang. And rang. Then rang again. Finally, she hung up. “He didn’t pick up in the room.”

“What time is it in Portland—” Emily checked the clock. “It’s like breakfast there, isn’t it? Maybe he ran out for coffee. He might not even realize anything’s wrong yet.”

“I know, I know.” She called information back, and this time wrote down the number for the hotel before calling it again. “Hello, can I leave a message for Room 414? Yes — tell him it’s Elizabeth, and that something’s wrong with our cell phone. It’s not connecting, so could he call me at my house? Not the studio, the house. As soon as possible.”

She set the phone back on the receiver. “He might not even ask the desk for his messages.” Elizabeth sat on the sofa, fighting the urge to call Sonny and get the jet in the air.

“He will,” Emily said patiently. “He’ll come back from getting coffee, realize he still hasn’t heard from you, and then he’ll call you or check with the desk. He might have thought you were just too tired when you got home and overslept. We’re three hours ahead, too—”

“Yeah, I guess. We did get to Port Charles pretty late—” Elizabeth managed a smile. “Thanks. I’m going back tomorrow anyway. Laura said she’d make sure my mail got put on hold.”

“And Jason will probably call you in an hour or so.” Emily dropped onto the sofa.

But Elizabeth couldn’t stop herself. She went back over to the phone and dialed the hotel again, adding the room number as an extension. No one picked up.

“Liz—”

“I know. I’m insane. But—” She thought again about the postcard. “If he thought I was too tired, he would have left me a message.”

“You seem really sure of him,” Emily murmured. “Even after he didn’t give you a way to contact him for months—”

“It’s—” Elizabeth whirled around but saw her friend’s face was only concerned. “It’s different now. He’s—it just is. He knows about the baby. We’re planning a future together.” She turned back to the phone, and this time, she dialed Sonny’s number.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Sonny. It’s me—”

“Is everything all right?”

“Um, fine. Listen, I got everything taken care of sooner than I thought I would. Can we leave earlier than noon tomorrow? Like a lot earlier?”

“Uh—sure. I’ll call you back with a time. Are you okay?” he asked again.

She wanted Emily to be right. She wanted to believe nothing was wrong and because she wanted that so much, Elizabeth didn’t say anything. Sonny would worry for nothing, and he might try to help—and the last thing she wanted was to create more problems because she was impatient and overreacting. “No, just eager to get back.”

“I get it. I’ll take care of it.”

“Thanks.” She turned back to Emily. “I need to get out of here for a little while. Do you want to go grab some lunch?”

Emily got to her feet. “What if you miss Jason’s call?”

“Well, then he’ll know what it’s like to wait on me,” Elizabeth muttered, irritated with herself. “Honestly, Em, if I sit here staring at this phone, I’m going to scream.”

“All right, all right. Let’s go. I guess Jason won’t ever miss a call from you again, huh?”

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny hung up with Elizabeth, keeping his finger pressed against the button longer than needed. Something wasn’t right.

“Sonny?”

He ignored Alexis in the background, released the button and waited to hear the dial tone in his ear. Then he dialed the number to the airfield. “Hey, Stu. It’s Sonny Corinthos. I need to know how early the jet can be ready for another trip to Portland. Yeah, just one passenger. Not me this time.” He leaned against his desk. “Thanks.”

“Elizabeth heading back earlier planned?” Alexis asked.

“Yeah, uh—” Sonny rubbed the back of his neck. “There was something in her voice,” he murmured. “She says everything is okay, but—” He exhaled slowly, then reached for the phone again, dialing the cell phone Jason had given him. It went to voicemail, and Sonny hung up without leaving a message.  He glanced at the card next to the base. “Room 414,” he told the receptionist when the line connected.

The phone continued to ring and ring, and finally Sonny hung up. “Jason didn’t answer either line,” he said after a long moment.

“He might be out,” Alexis pointed out. “It’s still early in Oregon, and Jason’s a morning person. If there was something wrong— really wrong—you know Elizabeth would tell you.”

“Yeah—”

“She came to you to find Jason, didn’t she?” Alexis reminded him. “Before she went to the Spencers.” She flipped through a contract. “She probably misses Jason and doesn’t see the point in wasting time here.”

“You’re right,” Sonny decided. It was as simple as that. Elizabeth was eager to start her new life with Jason and didn’t feel like hanging around her old one.

“I hope Laura took a minute to reassure her that Nikolas won’t be an issue,” Alexis said, waiting for Sonny to rejoin her at the table to continue reading over the contracts. “He’s been in Greece for over a week, and I don’t think Stefan expects him to return.”

“Good,” Sonny grunted, flashing back to the bitter, possessive angry man Jason had tried to beat into a bloody pulp at Christmas. “I’m sorry for you, but—”

“But he wasn’t happy here and was taking his misery out on all of us,” Alexis finished. “I want the best for my nephew.” She slid her reading glasses on. “Now, we need to finish this paperwork before the next meeting.”

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Bobbie beamed when she saw Elizabeth and Emily turn the corner into the courtyard. “I was hoping you would come by—” She stood to hug Elizabeth. “Can you stay for a while?”

“Yeah, we came for lunch.” Emily pulled out a chair and sat down. “And to keep Liz busy. Jason’s taking his sweet time to call her back—”

“Oh?’ Bobbie frowned as Elizabeth sat down, picked up a menu. “Is everything all right?”

“It’s fine. Luke gave me a phone when he was out there, and I guess it was either a burner or one that needs minutes added to it. Jason and I probably used them all and didn’t realize. We’re having trouble connecting.” Elizabeth forced herself to smile. “Um, speaking of Jason—”

“If you are going to apologize for not telling me—” Bobbie squeezed Elizabeth’s hand. “You just forget all about it. Laura told me you’d only just found out, and the priority was Jason. I’m just happy you found him.”

“Me, too.”

“And he was happy about the baby, wasn’t he?” Bobbie questioned.

“He started with stunned,” Elizabeth confessed with half a laugh. “We didn’t really know what to say to each other for a while, and it was a bit awkward. But then we just—” She flashed back to the postcards. To the way he’d looked at her when he’d come back into the room and saw her reading them — “We just figured it out. And it’s been great. We’ve been traveling down the Oregon coast.”

“It sounds like a lot of fun. And you’re heading right back, Laura said?”

“Um, yeah—” Elizabeth paused while they ordered something to eat. “Especially with the news being blown up like this. We’re going to stay around Portland for a while.” She fiddled the paper from the straw she’d put in her water. “I’m not sure when we’re coming back.”  She checked her watch.

“Why don’t you go use Kelly’s phone to check your machine?” Emily asked, gently. “Bobbie doesn’t mind, do you?”

“Of course not.”

Elizabeth was already out of her seat before Bobbie had answered. Emily watched her go inside, then sighed. “She’s really antsy about this. I keep telling her it’s fine, but I bet it’s just worry that he’ll leave again.”

“You think?” Bobbie twisted in her seat to watch Elizabeth through the window. “It sounds like Jason’s committed—”

“I didn’t say he’d leave, but you know how sometimes your mind can know something, but your heart is too scared to believe.” Emily jerked a shoulder. “I could kill my brother for not getting his own cell phone or using the room phone—”

“Well, you know, sometimes men don’t think these things through. I’m sure as soon as Jason realizes how worried she was, he won’t make this mistake again.”

Inside, Elizabeth listened as her machine reported no new messages. It had only been maybe twenty minutes since they’d left the house. There was still time.

She’d fly back, and he’d be there, and there’d be a reason for all this.

Wednesday, May 10, 2000

Portland International Airport: Arrivals Hall

True to Sonny’s word, they were wheels up by seven that morning. With the time difference, Elizabeth landed in Oregon around eleven. She’d left a message on the cell and with the hotel with her flight information.

But Jason wasn’t at the airport.

He wasn’t at the gate. Or at the baggage claim where she got help from one of the workers to put her suitcases onto a cart which she dragged towards arrival hall, sure that he’d be there, waiting.

But he wasn’t.

She wasn’t ready to admit something was wrong, so she started to tell herself stories — to construct perfectly rational explanation for why she’d been able to get in touch with Jason since she’d left Portland.

Maybe he’d gotten the messages, but not the flight time. Maybe he was at the airport and couldn’t find her, so she decided to stay in one place. She sat on a bench, with the luggage cart next to her. But he didn’t find her.

He’d have her paged, Elizabeth decided. So she went to the counter to wait for him to approach. But she never heard her name on the loudspeaker, and he never came near the counter.

He hadn’t received her messages yet. As soon as he did, he’d rush to the airport. She’d give him more time. It wasn’t fair of her to jump to conclusions or to start worrying about calling hospitals—No, she’d give him some time to get her messages.

So she went to get something to eat, and then she shopped on the concourse, checking her watch, continuing to listen for her name to be paged. Finally, around two, she went to a pay phone and called the hotel to leave another message—

Only to learn that Mr. Morgan hadn’t picked up any of her messages.

She’d been out of contact with him for two straight days. He’d never contacted her or Sonny, and he’d never checked with the desk. It was like he’d dropped off the face of the Earth. She could go to the hotel, start calling hospitals, but—

But somewhere inside, she finally accepted what had been whispering in the back of her mind for days. She picked it up again, and instead of putting more change in — she dialed 0 to start a collect call because thirty-five cents wouldn’t get her anywhere near New York. When the operator asked for her name, Elizabeth gave it, her brain already numb.

“Elizabeth? What’s going on?”

She swallowed hard. “Sonny, something’s wrong.”

‘Cause it’s you and me
And all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it’s you and me
And all of the people
And I don’t know why
I can’t keep my eyes off of you
– You and Me, Lifehouse

---

Sunday, May 7, 2000

Brasserie Montmartre: Dining Room

Sonny tossed down his napkin and watched as Elizabeth disappeared down the hallway to the restrooms. He met Jason’s eyes across the table. “Maybe we should get the check and go back to the hotel. I’ll fly back tomorrow, and we can forget all of this.”

Jason grimaced, pushed his dinner around the plate. They’d avoided Sonny all day, but for some reason, Elizabeth had wanted to keep their plans for dinner. Maybe she’d hoped for a miracle.

“Elizabeth told you about this morning, didn’t she?” Sonny wanted to know. “Because we were fine before—”

“We weren’t fine.” Jason set his fork down with a clatter. “I just wasn’t saying anything. And yeah, she told me. Because she felt like she’d made things worse—” He clenched his hands into his fists when Sonny just lifted a brow. “She just made things clearer. You’ll never understand the real problem, and until you do, there’s no point in pretending. Thanks for coming out.” Jason reached for his beer. “At least now we know—”

“The real problem? Because I tried to help—”

“Because you can’t stand to be powerless.” The Rolling Rock hit the table with a thud, harder than Jason meant to, drawing stairs from some of the surrounding tables. He shook his head. “You meant well with the prenup and threats to Carly. But you couldn’t just let me forgive you in my own time. You had to push.”

“Is this about reminding you if that night doesn’t happen—” Sonny growled. “You’d still be trailing after Carly—”

“I’d still have hope of getting Michael back,” Jason said quietly, and Sonny closed his mouth. “That’s what you killed that night. The only way I’d be his father again would be to keep Carly in my life. I already cared about Elizabeth. No, if I don’t stay in her studio for a few weeks, we’re not here today. But that has nothing to do with you.”

Sonny took a deep breath. “Okay, fine, but—”

“Until you get it, until you understand that I make my own choices, my own mistakes—I’m not coming back. I can’t take orders from a man I don’t trust. I didn’t forgive you right away after you thought you solved my Carly problem, and you turned it around so that you were the one telling me to stay away. Making it your decision. It’s mine.”

“It’s Elizabeth’s—you told me—”

“It’s ours,” Jason corrected, “and we’ll make it together. That’s the part you can’t seem to understand because you wouldn’t be able to give anyone control over you. You never could.”

Sonny stroked his chin, leaned back in his chair. “There’s a truth to that,” he admitted roughly. “And maybe I was impatient. Maybe I wanted you to forgive me faster than you were ready to. But that doesn’t make me a bad person—”

“I never said it did.” Jason sipped his beer again. “I just said I’m not ready to take orders from you. We’re staying out here for a while. Elizabeth’s going to get a doctor, we’re getting a place.”

“I’m sorry.” Sonny exhaled slowly. “It feels like I’ve pushed you further away, and that was the last thing I wanted. I just—” His voice caught, and he looked away, quickly clearing this throat. “I wanted it to be okay. I’m sorry. You’re right. I can’t stand not being able to fix it. So I tried to force it. I need the control. The power. I always have.”

Jason hadn’t really expected him to admit it so quickly and wasn’t sure what to say in response. Before he could, Elizabeth emerged from the bathroom and slid back into the chair next to Jason, her eyes darting nervously between them.

“I’m sorry for this morning,” Sonny told her. “You were upset—rightly so. I was being arrogant to take credit for how things ended up.”

Her brows raised and she looked back at Jason for a moment, confused, then focused on Sonny. “It’s okay—”

“No. It’s not. You were trying to take care of Jason, and you were the only one listening to him. I guess—I thought if he could see what happened as having a silver lining—” Sonny looked at Jason. “You might be able to let it go sooner.”

Jason reached for Elizabeth’s hand and drew it into his lap. “I am letting it go. But that doesn’t mean I can go back to my life the way it was before. I don’t want to. What I have now is better. We’re staying out here for a few more months. Maybe longer, I don’t know. But our family is still in New York, so we’ll come back eventually.”

“I can make that enough for now.”

Jason nodded, then looked at Elizabeth before returning his attention to Sonny. “When you go back tomorrow, Elizabeth is going with you. She needs to get a few things and fly back.”

“I wasn’t really preparing to move here temporarily when I packed a few weeks ago,” Elizabeth said, her cheeks flushing — she hadn’t known Jason was actually going to ask Sonny take care of the transportation. “I can get a flight if it’s too much trouble—”

“No, no—” Sonny waved away her concern. “Of course.”

“Oh. Thanks. I appreciate that. Really—” Elizabeth waited for Sonny to meet her eyes. “Thank you.”

“Anything I can do, I will.”

New Imperial Hotel: Jason & Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth leaned against the bathroom door and watched Jason tug back the comforter. “Do you think Sonny gets it this time?”

He hesitated, then jerked a shoulder. “Maybe. More than before, I think.” He sat the on the edge of the bed, his back to her. “I should have asked if you wanted to go back with Sonny. If you’d rather fly back without him—”

“I can handle Sonny. And it would be more comfortable on a private jet,” she admitted. Elizabeth leaned in so that their shoulders brushed. “Are you sure you’re okay with me flying back with him? After the last few days—”

“It’s not an issue,” Jason said with a shake of his head. “It’s good that he came out and we talked. I couldn’t do that back in Port Charles, not really.” He met her eyes. “I’m not angry with him anymore. Or upset about what happened. I don’t need to be. You’re here, and the baby—it just wiped all of that clean.”

“But?” she prompted.

“I tried to stay in Port Charles to make the job work because after Michael, it was all that I had. But it’s not anymore. And I don’t need it the way I used to.” He leaned in, kissed her softly, stroking his thumb across her chin. “So we can wait until I’m ready to trust Sonny again.” He hesitated. “Are you sure you’re okay with not going back?”

“After you left that last time…” Elizabeth laced her fingers through his. “I was still so sure that Port Charles was what I needed. I wanted a home, to belong somewhere the way I never had growing up. I found it for a while with Lucky, and when he died, I promised myself I’d never let a person be everything to me again. I wouldn’t wrap my entire existence around theirs. Home had to be a place. Something that couldn’t be taken away.” Their lips brushed again, and she smiled, the tips of her fingers touching his jaw. “But you can’t belong to a house or a city. You have to belong to someone.”

His brows drew together, and he shook his head. “But—”

“You have to belong to yourself,” she corrected, and his expression smoothed out. “You told me that once about Michael. About wanting him to be safe and protected until he could make his own choices. Because the Quartermaines would see him as a possession, and he deserved to belong to himself. That’s what I realized after you left. I needed to be able to be okay on my own. To trust myself. I couldn’t do that before. And maybe I never would have if you hadn’t left. So to answer your question,” she said, “I’m just fine with not going back. I have everything I need right here.”

Monday, May 8, 2000

Portland International Airport: Gate 45

Staying in Portland to make plans for the next few months made sense, but Jason began to have second thoughts as he walked with Elizabeth and Sonny through the airport to the gate where the private jet would leave, then waited as Sonny checked in with the pilot and flight attendant. She’d been back in his life for a few weeks, and now he had to watch her fly away—

“I’ll be back before you know it.” Elizabeth quieted his thoughts by leaning up to kiss him. He rested his hands on her hips, keeping her close to him. “I’ll be back Wednesday. Thursday at the latest.”

“Call me when you land,” he told her. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ears, trailing his knuckles down her cheek. “And when you get to the house—”

“I promise.” He kissed her forehead. “It’s not like the last time,” Elizabeth said. “We’re not saying goodbye.”

“I know.” He just liked his life better when she was right beside him. “I’ll miss you.”

“You’ll love all the silence,” she teased. She kissed him again, then stepped back, started to walk away but he caught her hand. She turned to look at him. He wanted to say something—but he didn’t. He let her hand go, and she smiled once more, then followed Sonny through the door to the boarding bridge—and back to Port Charles.

He waited, watching as the plane rolled away from the gate and towards the runaway. It was nearly ten more minutes until they were cleared for takeoff. Then Jason headed back through the airport for a taxi back to the hotel.

Private Jet: Cabin

Elizabeth glanced out the window at the fluffy clouds that passed. Two hours into the flight, and she and Sonny had managed to avoid speaking to each other. Only five more hours, give or take the time for landing.

She set aside the sketchpad and focused on the man sitting on a chair that matched the sofa where she sat. Sonny was perusing a contract — the same paperwork he’d taken out shortly after the pilot had switched off the seatbelt signs. Was he really reading or avoiding her, too?

“Thank you.”

Sonny jolted, his head jerking up to stare at her. “What?”

“For coming out to see Jason. For the ride back to Port Charles,” Elizabeth added. “I know…I know it didn’t turn out the way you hoped it would, but—”

Sonny set aside the contract and rubbed his eyes. “After that night,” he said slowly, “Jason couldn’t look me in the eye, and he didn’t trust me anymore. He questioned everything and shut down every time we were in the same room.”

Elizabeth waited, unsure what to say to any of that. It must have hurt for Sonny to go through, but she wasn’t much concerned with someone who had brought on his own problems.

“I didn’t think Jason would give me the time of day,” Sonny continued. “But I knew he was better when I got off that plane. When I saw you two together in the airport.” He met her eyes. “Our friendship will never be the same again, but maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe Carly wasn’t the only lie that he had to stop living. He had me on a pedestal, which I never asked for—” He smiled thinly. “But I loved it. I soaked up his loyalty and repeatedly asked him for more than I had any right to. We weren’t equal before.”

He was quiet for a moment. “You saved his life that night, Elizabeth. And you’ve kept on saving him—”

“He saved himself—”

“And you healed yourself after losing Lucky,” Sonny said. “But that doesn’t mean you didn’t need Jason to help you do it. Just like he needed you.” He nodded. “You’re good for each other. Not that my opinion matters, but I’ll offer it all the same.”

“Thank you.”

“You don’t need to get a ticket for a return flight,” he continued. “I heard you and Jason talking about it on the way to the gate. The jet will be at your disposal so you can come back as soon as you’re ready.”

She nearly turned him down, but flights between Portland and Port Charles often had a layover — she wanted to be back with Jason as soon as possible. “Thanks. I’ll call as soon as I’m ready to go back.”

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Alexis found Sonny already pouring himself a bourbon when she stepped inside the penthouse. “You left a message for me to come over?”

“Yeah.” Sonny turned to her, then set down the tumbler. “I need to update my will.” He scratched his temple. “Just who gets the money. The business stays the same.”

“You want to update your will at almost ten—” Alexis glanced at her watch. “Did something happen on the plane? You were due in a few hours ago—”

“Had to circle the airport a few times, and no. Nothing happened. Just…don’t see the point in waiting.” Sonny leaned against the back of the sofa. “I want to set up a trust fund for Jason’s child. Children,” he corrected. “Divided equally. I don’t think they’ll stop at one.”

“So it went well,” Alexis said, slowly. “If you’re leaving money to Jason’s kid—”

“It went as well as I deserved.” Sonny jerked a shoulder. “They’re not coming back. He doesn’t trust me and tossing threats at Carly was a bad idea.” He lifted his brows at her. “Which you told me.”

“I’m confused,” Alexis said. “What’s going on?”

“The consequences of my actions,” Sonny said dryly. “I tried to control one too many things, and Jason decided he couldn’t come back. That’s why I was out there — so he could prove to Elizabeth he’d be fine here, back at the job.” He picked up the tumbler again. “He doesn’t trust me,” Sonny murmured. “And I don’t know how to fix that.”

“So you’re going to leave your money to their kids?” Alexis asked skeptically. “How does that help anything?”

“It doesn’t. I just don’t have any other family, and the money, as it stands now, goes to Jason right now anyway.” He finished the bourbon and went back for another pour. “We’re fine. As long as there’s three thousand miles between us. They’re getting a place out there. He says they’ll be back eventually, but I doubt it. Why would he come back here?”

“For his sister and grandmother? It’s his home, Sonny.” She sighed. “No, you can’t control and manipulate a person into forgiving you. Believe me, I’ve tried. But that doesn’t mean he won’t ever get there. He asked you to go see him. You stayed a few days.” She folded her arms. “That’s progress. You just need to have patience—”

“It’s funny,” Sonny murmured. “I always thought he needed me more than I needed him. That I was the one with all the power.” He looked at her. “Hell of way to find out I’m the one who needs him.”

Hardy House: Elizabeth’s Bedroom

Elizabeth trudged back into her bedroom, dumping the carry-on the floor next to the bed and collapsing onto the mattress. The flight had felt so long, and then they’d had to circle the airport a few times—

Now she was back in Port Charles. Alone.

Elizabeth sat up, looked at the bed, and sighed. It had made sense for to come back on her own for this short trip, but she was really going to miss having Jason with her. She’d become addicted to spending every minute with him over the last few weeks, but—

She was an adult who had to do adult things. Including dumping out her dirty clothing into the laundry basket. She upended the duffel on the bed so that everything fell out—

And then a postcard fluttered out, resting on top of her jeans. Elizabeth stared at it, wondering if it was an old one that had been mixed in—

But it was new. From their hotel in Portland. She picked it up, then turned it over. There was no address this time, just a message.

I don’t want to go sleep without hearing your voice.

She smiled, running her fingers over the writing. She went to the phone on her nightstand, picked up the receiver and dialed the cell phone, marveling at how easy it would be to talk to him while they were separated. So unlike the last time—

And then it clicked to voicemail. Elizabeth hung up, confused for a moment before redialing. Voicemail again.

“Uh, hey. I’m sorry I missed you, I guess you’re out to eat or something. Our flight circled the airport, so by the time we landed, I just came straight to the house—but I’m here. Safe. Call me back, okay? I miss you already.”

She set the phone down, then went to take care of the laundry before grabbing dinner.

But he never called back.

This is a way
This is a way
That I’m learning to breathe
I’m learning to crawl
I’m finding that you and you alone can break my fall
I’m living again
Awake and alive
I’m dying to breathe in these abundant skies
— Learning to Breathe, Switchfoot

---

Saturday, May 6, 2000

New Imperial Hotel: Jason & Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth sat at the table, towel drying her hair and watching Jason scribble something in the pregnancy book. “You’re studying more than I did in college,” she said, and he glanced up, distracted. “Sorry—”

“Uh, no, it’s fine—” Jason slid the pen into the book to mark his place and closed it. “Just making a list of questions. For a doctor. We should be thinking about making an appointment. You could call Bobbie to set something up—”

Elizabeth dropped the towel into her lap, the damp strands brushing her shoulders. “Things going that well with Sonny, then?”

Jason sat back in the chair. When he looked away, she nodded. “Yeah, I got the feeling that things were a little tense.” And they hadn’t been before she’d left them alone at the table to go see the Weather Machine sculpture. “Jason, if we go back to Port Charles…wouldn’t you have to go back to working for Sonny?”

“I could fight it,” Jason said. “Maybe I’d be able to steer clear, but there’s always going to be someone who thinks I’m involved. Or that I know something.” He brushed his thumb against his eyebrow. “It’s fine. I can make it work.”

She bit her lip. “That doesn’t sound that enthusiastic—”

Jason put a hand out. “I can do it. You want to be in Port Charles. You made that clear from the beginning. All of this—” He gestured at the room around them. “Being on the road—you don’t want this for the baby—”

“I hear a lot about what I want,” Elizabeth told him. “What do you want—”

“I want you to be happy, the baby to be healthy—”

“Why is it okay for me to want something so selfish?” she cut in, and he stopped talking, staring at her. “Being in Port Charles isn’t good for you. At least not yet.”

“Don’t tell me what’s good for me.” Jason shoved away from the table, the chair siding so hard it smacked against the opposite wall. “I’m sick of being telling me what I feel—” He clenched his hand into a fist. “I get to make my own choices. My own mistakes. And if going back ends up being a mistake, fine. But it’s mine to make—” He turned back to glare at her. “I’m not going to run away from you or the baby. Or leave you like your parents did. So drop it. We’re going back—”

Elizabeth exhaled slowly, a bit unsettled. “I’m sorry. You’re right. You get to make your own choices. Your own mistakes. I didn’t mean to—”

“I’m sorry—” Jason winced.

“But I get to do that, too, don’t I?” Her throat tightened as she stared up at him. “I get to do what’s right for me. And going home right now isn’t. So go back if you want. But I’m fine right here.”

“Elizabeth—” He sat on the edge of the bed. “Listen—”

“Wanting to stay in Port Charles didn’t have anything to do with the place. Okay? I was scared to leave with you. I didn’t know who I was without Lucky, and I was terrified I’d wrap my identity up in being with you, and when you got tired or bored—” She shook her head. “I’d have nothing to come back to. And now I’m afraid you’ll come back for the same reasons. You’ll come back for me. For the baby. And no, you’d never resent the baby. You’re a better father than that. But you would end up hating me—”

“No, I wouldn’t—”

“You were already on your way before you left.” He flinched. “You jumped down my throat for being in a room with Sonny. You said it yourself. You could manage it for a while, but you were afraid it would get worse. That I wouldn’t be enough—”

“I didn’t mean it like—” Jason grimaced, looked away. “It’s different now—”

“Because we’re not there, we’re here. We’re thousands of miles away. I’m not telling you how to feel. Or what to think. Or even what to do. I’m telling you that I didn’t like the way you treated me that day. And I don’t like that you refuse to be honest with me now.”

“I’m not lying—”

“Are you ready to go back to Port Charles and everything else that it would mean?” Elizabeth challenged. “Forget me. Forget what I told you I wanted. You asked Sonny to come out here to see if things were better. Are they?”

He was quiet so long she almost thought he wouldn’t answer. “No.” Jason dragged his hands through his hair. “No. I tried to—I wanted to be. But—” He shook his head. “No. They’re better. But I don’t trust him.” He closed his eyes. “I never thought I’d say that. That’d I feel that way. But I don’t trust Sonny. Because he will always think he knows better. He did it with Carly. And today—” Jason scowled. “He told me he didn’t want me back if I wasn’t ready to trust him.”

Elizabeth’s cheeks heated, but she kept her expression blank. “He said that.” Arrogant son of a bitch—

“I want to be ready.” Jason met her eyes and she wanted to weep at the anguish. “I know how much you love Laura and Bobbie. I want my grandmother and my sister to be part of all this. But I made choices a long time ago that I can’t ever take back. Not if I want to be there.”

“Then we’re not going back.” Elizabeth folded her arms. “We can pick somewhere out here to stay. I can find a doctor here. You’re right. We should make an appointment.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Laura can come visit. And so can Emily and Bobbie.” She bit her lip. “But we’ll have to visit Lila. We can do that quietly. I can call my agency and figure that out, too—”

“Elizabeth, you don’t have to—”

Elizabeth sat on the bed next to him, took his hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. “I made a choice for myself months ago—” Their eyes met. “After that day in my studio. I could either try to make you happy in Port Charles — or I could encourage you to leave. It was hard, and you should know how tempted I was to be selfish and hold you there.”

“You could have,” Jason admitted. “Elizabeth—”

“It was one of the hardest things ever I did — going to the penthouse and telling you to go. Not begging you to stay or take me with you. But that’s not how you show someone that you care about them.”

His eyes softened. “Elizabeth—”

“You would have kept giving and giving, to me, to Sonny, even to Carly, because that’s who you are. You keep telling me you’ll go back for me. Why is it so hard for you to understand that I want to stay away for you?”

Jason laced his fingers through her hair and kissed her. “We’ll wait a little longer,” he murmured against her mouth. “Maybe in a few more weeks—”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, planted her hands against his shoulders and pushed until he lay flat on his back, then swung a leg over his body to straddle him. “We’ll wait as long as we need to. I’m not in any hurry to share you with the rest of the world.”

He drew her down to kiss her again. “Me either.”

Sunday, May 7, 2000

Harborview Towers: Davis Penthouse

Alexis curled up on the sofa with a mug of coffee and a remote. She was going to take the entire day off, since Sonny was out of town and couldn’t get arrested, it was possible. He wouldn’t be around to be arrested.

She was halfway through a rerun of the Golden Girls when the phone rang. She sighed, set down the coffee and leaned over to the side table for the cordless. “Hello?”

“Alexis.”

She straightened at the stiff sound of her brother’s voice. “Stefan,” Alexis said, cautiously. Though their relationship was starting to thaw out, it was still rare for him to seek her out, especially at home. “Uh, good morning.”

“Good morning.” There was a brief pause, and Alexis furrowed her brows. Had he forgotten that he’d called her? “I wanted to inform you that I’ve convinced Nikolas to retreat to the island for a while.”

“Nikolas is going to Greece?” Alexis dragged her hand through her hair, considered the idea. “I didn’t…I wasn’t expecting that.”

“I’m not certain we had any other options. After the scene in Kelly’s, Nikolas has few allies left in Port Charles. His mother was quite disappointed.” And from Stefan’s icy tone, Alexis knew her brother wasn’t happy with Laura’s choices. “And, of course, Emily Quartermaine was unhappy.”

“I know neither of us wanted to see Nikolas sink so low,” Alexis said. “Perhaps some time away will offer some perspective. He’s too close to all the memories here.”

“Yes. Well, I’ll be going there myself in a week or so after he’s settled-”

“Oh, he’s already gone?”

“He left for the airport this morning. I thought you ought to know as the hospital’s attorney.”

As the hospital’s attorney. Not as Nikolas’s aunt or Stefan’s sister. She cleared her throat. “Thank you for keeping me informed. I hope you’ll let me know how Nikolas is.”

“I will. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” She hung up the phone and left it in her lap, thinking about the conversation, about the horror of the last year. How had it all gone so wrong?

New Imperial Hotel: Sonny’s Room

It was probably a mistake, Elizabeth told herself, but she knocked briskly on the door next to theirs. Sonny smiled when he saw her, but it faded when he read her expression. “Uh, is everything all right? Where’s Jason?”

“Getting breakfast. Can I come in?” She didn’t wait for him to answer but squeezed past him. He sighed, closed the door, then turned to face her.

“Can I do something for you? You look unhappy—”

“I don’t know how to have this conversation without doing the same thing I’m angry with you about,” Elizabeth admitted. “I don’t want to meddle in Jason’s life—”

“I’m not—”

“But I’m so angry with you right now I’m willing to risk it,” she bit out, and he closed his mouth. “Do you even know what you’ve done?”

“I—”

“And I’m not talking about Carly. I’m talking about manipulating Jason into feeling like he owes you anything for where he and I ended up—” And that was how she’d thread this needle. If Jason owed Sonny for their relationship, for the baby, then Elizabeth did, too. “And don’t tell me you didn’t,” she said when he started to talk. “You think if you don’t screw Carly back in December, I don’t end up pregnant.”

Sonny pressed his lips together, took a deep breath. “There’s truth to that—”

“You do not get to take a terrible thing you did to Jason and slap some silver lining on it. Because we don’t owe you anything. How dare you try to use me to get Jason back into your life? Do you understand the level of arrogance you have to possess to think the choices I made—that he made—have anything to do with you?” She jabbed a finger at him. “You blew up Jason’s entire world. I used to think you at least had the grace to step back, but now I see it was just another manipulation. You watched him shove Carly out of his life because she wouldn’t stop—because she kept pushing. Then you kept your distance. But it didn’t work. So you tried to use me—”

“Elizabeth—”

“That day, at your penthouse, when Jason got so upset—you wanted to use me for information—or worse, maybe to keep Jason happy. Because I think you knew Jason was at the end of his rope. You used me, and you’re doing it again. You destroyed his life, and now you’re going to turn around and make Jason feel like he owes you everything, like I owe you something.” Her blood boiled as the truth of that sank in. “The absolute fucking audacity and arrogance is almost breath taking—”

Sonny shook his head. “That’s not what I meant by any of that—I just wanted to point out—”

“I am not a pawn for you to use. If Jason forgives you, that’s his choice, and I’ll support him. But you do not ever get to use me or our child against him Do you understand me?”

“I—”

“Do you understand?” she repeated.

“Do I get to talk now?” Sonny asked almost pleasantly. “Because I think you’re misunderstanding what I said to Jason—”

“You told him if it wasn’t for that night, maybe Jason and I aren’t out here together. Which means if you don’t decide to have sex with Carly and Jason doesn’t find out, I’m not pregnant. Did I misunderstand that?”

“Well, no, but—”

“I found him. Me!” She flattened her hand against her chest, her eyes burning. “And I made the choice not to give up on him. Just like he made the choice to let me help him. Everything we have—we built together. And it had nothing to do with you! We’ve worked too hard for you to come here and take credit for any of it. You wanted Jason to be in your debt. You wanted to have the power again. Because you have to be in control.”

Sonny’s face lost some of its color as he stared at her. “What?”

“That’s what this is, isn’t it? The power is in Jason’s hands. He doesn’t forgive you, he doesn’t come back to Port Charles. And you have to live with the knowledge that you’re the one that drove him away. You don’t get to come into our lives and take control. To write the narrative. Jason decides when he goes home—”

“Really? Because I thought you were deciding that?” he retorted scathingly. “He said you were the one keeping him here—he wanted to come back, but maybe you’re the scared one. Maybe you think he’ll go back to Carly—”

“If Jason wants to go back today, we’ll get on a plane. I’ve told him that. Jason gets to decide what he’s ready for. Not you. And not me.” She lifted her chin. “You’re not in control, Sonny. Not anymore. Get used to it.”

She stormed past him, slamming the door on her way out.

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Bobbie pressed her napkin to her mouth, then set it aside. “I hope Stefan is right,” she murmured. “That Nikolas finds some peace in Greece.”

“He grew up there,” Laura offered. “And I know his childhood was relatively happy—” Though he was quick to forget that when he wanted to guilt Laura for leaving him. She’d made the best choice for herself and would have to live with it for the rest of her of her life. She pushed her salad around her plate. “I may not have fond memories of my time there, but I can hope better for him.”

“Everyone grieves in their own ways.” Bobbie sat back. “And as I told Emily, it really is better that the news broke while Elizabeth and Jason are gone. The interest died down very quickly.” She hesitated. “I’ve been fighting a little resentment,” she admitted, and Laura frowned at her. “Elizabeth and I have always been close. And I tell myself that I’m glad she had you. That she could talk to someone—”

“You wish it had been you.”

“Yes.” Bobbie’s smile was small. “It’s a terrible thing to feel, and I would never bring this up to her. But I knew she tried to distance herself from me for a while, and I suspect Carly was part of it.”

“I can’t tell you why she told me and not you,” Laura told her sister-in-law. “Only that I suspect it was related to Lucky. She found out that weekend. I was just…I was there, Bobbie.”

“I know. I know.” Bobbie shook her head. “It’s not a fair way to feel. I just…I think you and I both let Elizabeth fill a bit of the missing space in our lives. I love Carly, I do. But Elizabeth…she’s special to me. And being part of her life, for the big moments—she’s not much older than BJ would be.” Bobbie closed her eyes. “My baby. She’d be fourteen this year.”

“I’m so sorry,” Laura said, leaving over to squeeze Bobbie’s hand.

“It’s silly to feel hurt. Elizabeth must have been so worried, so scared—” Bobbie flicked her eyes to Laura’s phone. “It was nice to hear from her. From both of them. They sounded all right. Happy.”

“I’m glad. It seemed tense when we were there—or maybe awkward is a better word. They needed some time alone—” Laura set down her fork. “Though now I’m worried for a new reason. What if they don’t come back?”

Bobbie exhaled slowly. “I’m not sure I’d blame them if they stayed away. What do they really have to look forward to here?”

New Imperial Hotel: Jason & Elizabeth’s Room

Jason set down the take out bag on the table where Elizabeth sat, furiously sketching. He stripped off his jacket and hung it on the back of the chair. “What’s wrong?” he wanted to know. He sat, unpacked breakfast.

Elizabeth sighed, set aside the sketch pad. “I’m irritated at myself,” she admitted. “And you’ll probably be irritated with me in a minute when I tell you I went to see Sonny.”

Jason paused in the act of lifting out a Styrofoam container. “You talked to Sonny?”

“I was just…I didn’t go to talk to him for you or anything. I wouldn’t do that,” she hurried to assure him. “It’s just—I’m angry that he was using me to manipulate you, using the baby—”

“Elizabeth—”

“The day at the penthouse, Sonny was trying to get me to talk about you. He used me then,” Elizabeth added and Jason sighed. “And then he tried to take credit for all of this, so you’d forgive him. I’m angry. And I just—I don’t know, I needed to tell him. But we started arguing, and it got away from me—” She slumped in her chair. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize—”

“I do. How you handle Sonny is your business, and I don’t want to be in the middle of it—”

“Hey.” Jason reached for her hand, waited for her to look at him. “It’s okay—”

“It’s not.” She drew her hand back, swiped at her tears. “Because I could see what he was doing, and it made me so angry—if I thought he was just desperate and wanted you to forgive him, I could deal with it, but I think he just hates not being in control. He can’t make you forgive him, so he needs you to owe him. He tried to guilt-trip you and it’s not fair—”

“I know—”

“I tried to tell him that you were the one who got to make the decisions—you’d go home when you were ready—and he—” The tears were sliding down her cheeks faster now, and Jason wanted to punch something. She swiped angrily. “We’ve had the same stupid fight, and I know you’d have already gone back if it wasn’t for me, so maybe he’s right. Maybe I’m doing it, too—”

“You’re not—” Jason got to his feet, then pulled her up and into his arms, pressing her against his chest. He kissed the top of her head. “We’re not fighting about it anymore. You just wanted me to be sure—”

“But I don’t get to decide that—”

“You didn’t.” Jason gently pushed her away, framing her face with his hands. “You didn’t. You listened to me. You knew even when I couldn’t say it out loud. I’m not ready to go back to work for Sonny. Until I am, I can’t go back. ”

“But—”

“I’m not ready to take orders from him.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m sorry he upset you. I’ll take care of it—”

“I brought it on myself. I shouldn’t have talked to him—” Elizabeth stepped back, still brushing tears from her face. “I just…I was angry. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He rubbed her arm. “Come on. Let’s eat.” He waited for her to take a seat and passed over her food. “It’s really okay,” he assured her, and she smiled wanly. “Sonny’s going back tomorrow, and we’ll be fine. We’ll look for a place. Do you want to stay in Portland?”

She sighed, took a deep breath. “I like it here,” she said, a bit more focused. “And we can drive to the coast in a few hours. Plus, I know you’ll be happy to be close to a lot of doctors. Um…” She sat back. “I was thinking maybe I should make a quick trip back to Port Charles. For clothes. And to arrange for some of my supplies to be shipped out, close down the house.” She held up a hand when he opened his mouth. “I know I can buy it out here, but some of my paints will go bad and there’s no point in wasting the money.”

“I wasn’t going to say that,” Jason told her. “Just that it’s a good idea. We could fly back with Sonny—”

“That’s the last thing I want to do,” Elizabeth muttered, wrinkling her nose. “There’s no point in both of us going. Maybe you can start looking for a place while I’m gone. Plus, I need somewhere to send the supplies, so if you check out of the hotel—”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” And he hadn’t really wanted to fly back with Sonny. Right now, he didn’t want to set eyes on his former business partner. All the progress Jason thought he’d made felt like it had slipped away. “I’ll find a rental agent. And maybe some doctors for you to think about?”

“Yeah.” She smiled again, and this time it looked warmer. More genuine. “Yeah, you do that. And when I come back, we’ll make an appointment.” Elizabeth set her hand against her belly. “I really want to hear the heartbeat.”

He couldn’t wait for that moment, so he grinned, and her own smile widened. “Then we’ve got a plan.”

If it makes you happy
It can’t be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?
If it makes you happy
It can’t be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?
– If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow

---

Friday, May 5, 2000

New Imperial Hotel: Balcony

Early the next morning, with the sun still rising in the horizon, Jason stepped out onto the small balcony their adjoining rooms shared. He sipped his black coffee and scanned the area around them, including downtown Portland and the Willamette River in the background.

It was the largest city he’d stayed a few days in since Dallas. If there had been a better view of the water, it might have reminded him of the view from the penthouse.

“It’s a great city.”

Jason glanced to his left, finding Sonny stepping through the sliding door, his own cup of coffee in hand. “Haven’t really spent any time here,” he said.

“I did. That year I was gone. I went a lot of places,” Sonny continued. “Stayed on the move for that first six months, and up here—seemed like a good place. Not a lot of organized crime. I spent—” He squinted. “Maybe a week here.” He took a seat in one of the chairs, continued drinking his coffee. “Elizabeth still asleep?”

“Yeah.” Jason glanced over his shoulder. He could just make out the slender pale arm dangling over the edge of the bed. “Alexis call you back?”

“Yeah, I had a message after we got back from dinner.” Sonny shifted. “She was at the mansion to see Ned. Carly and AJ were arguing—she’s not too happy.”

Jason made a face, looked back out over the city. “I really don’t care.”

“No, I guess not. But maybe it’s not the worst that she has time to deal with it before you come back.” He waited, but Jason didn’t say anything. “Is that still the, uh, plan?”

“Eventually.” Jason exhaled slowly, stared down into his coffee. “You decided I was better off without Carly, and you made sure it happened.”

“I didn’t plan it, Jase. It just—” Sonny considered his words. “She was angry—hurt—at the thought you might be moving on with someone else, and it just—I was angry with her. She’d created this situation, hadn’t she? She married AJ to keep Michael, but she wanted to keep you hanging around—” His mouth was pinched. “I didn’t like it.”

“It wasn’t—”

“No, it wasn’t my place to like it. Not my place to do anything about it.” Sonny nodded. “All of that’s true, Jason. But in the moment, I was too angry to think of it. Too self-destructive. She was never going to stop hurting you. And I thought—if she saw you with someone else—I wanted that for you. I liked Elizabeth. I wanted her happy, too. So—” he got to his feet. “She made me angry at a moment when I was feeling low and angry with myself. I can tell you I’m sorry, and I am. But at the same time—” Sonny looked through the glass door, and Jason followed his gaze. Elizabeth had turned over, and now her face was visible. “That night doesn’t happen, Jase, maybe Elizabeth isn’t in that room. Maybe there’s no baby. Maybe you’re still in Port Charles, hanging on for a glimmer of hope to get Michael back.”

He took a deep breath. “I didn’t want Carly to be the reason you don’t come back, so a few weeks ago, I dug up her prenuptial agreement, got security photos of her at the Towers that night. From the camera at my door. If you come home and she makes trouble, they get sent directly to AJ.”

“Her prenuptial—” Jason shook his head. “I don’t understand—”

“Infidelity clause. She’s caught cheating, she walks away without a cent. And AJ gets custody of Michael. She might be able to fight that part in court, but she’d need money.” Sonny stared down at his coffee. “Can’t say she won’t take the risk, but I just—I don’t know. I wanted to do something.”

Jason clenched his jaw. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that Sonny was still trying to manipulate things, to control Jason’s life, even if there was a slight relief that Carly might not make a lot of trouble. But it wasn’t Sonny’s job to do any of it—

“I need to be able to make my own decisions,” Jason said tightly. “And yeah—my own mistakes. Robin didn’t respect that, either. She still saw me as someone who needed to be taught a lesson. I thought you saw me as an equal—”

“I did. I do. But I also saw you as my family.” Sonny finished his coffee. “You always had my back. Always let me make the choices, even when you didn’t agree. Brenda—you hated everything I made you do. Jilting her, making her think I didn’t want her—” Sonny squeezed his eyes closed. “She died thinking it.”

“It was your relationship. None of my business—” Jason exhaled slowly. “But you’re right. If I don’t end up in the snow—if Elizabeth doesn’t save my life—” He opened the door to step back inside. “I’m not where I am today.”

“Will we be okay?” Sonny asked when Jason said nothing else.

“I don’t know.” Jason left him out on the balcony and went to the electric tea kettle to start the water. By the time Elizabeth stirred and sat up, grimacing as the morning sickness hit, he had tea and crackers waiting, with a glass of ginger ale.

Cassadine Estate: Conservatory

Stefan peered over the top of the newspaper he wasn’t actually reading and considered the sullen young man sitting across from him, glaring at a bowl of oatmeal as if it had committed a crime. Laura’s brief visit to the stables hadn’t improved matters at all, and Stefan was honestly at a loss to reach his son.

He cleared his throat, then folded the Herald and set it aside. “I’ve been thinking that you might benefit from a change of a scenery.”

Nikolas looked up, frowned. “What?”

“It’s difficult for you here,” Stefan said. “Surrounded by unhappy memories.” From the shooting and the difficult recovery that had followed, to the loss of his brother, and all the trauma that Katherine had caused— “It’s no wonder that you’ve been unable to move past—”

“No one understands,” Nikolas muttered. His gaze drifted away, out the window that looked over the garden. “My brother was murdered, and the men responsible are going on, living their lives like nothing happened. And no one seems to be angry that another innocent life is going to be at risk—”

Stefan dabbed a napkin at his lips. “No matter how many times you shake your fists at the sky, no one is listening,” he told Nikolas gently. “And it’s only causing you more grief. You feel as the very people who ought to be guarding Lucky’s memory and looking for justice are betraying him.”

“Yes!” Nikolas tossed down his spoon. “Yes! My mother is so desperate to cling to any piece of Lucky that she’s going to let Elizabeth do whatever she wants.” Disgusted, he shook his head. “And she keeps talking about proof! I don’t need any more proof — my brother was alive until he went to sleep in that garage. He was safe until Sonny Corinthos came back. They refuse to see it—”

“You’ve done all you can do,” Stefan said, and Nikolas fell silent. “Perhaps you should consider spending a few weeks in Greece. Gain some perspective on how best to approach this problem.”

Nikolas exhaled slowly. “If I could just find a way to break this hold Jason Morgan has over Elizabeth,” he muttered to himself. “To prove that he’ll cause her nothing but pain—then we can turn our attention to making him pay.” He looked at Stefan. “You’re right. I can do nothing else in Port Charles.”

Stefan hesitated. That wasn’t precisely the view that he’d hoped Nikolas would reach, but if the result was useful — Nikolas taking some time to rest away from Port Charles— then perhaps, it was satisfactory. “Yes. You can think of the next step when your mind is clear of these distractions. If you like, I’ll call the estate and have them prepare for your arrival in the next week or so—”

“Why wait?” Nikolas got to his feet, threw down his napkin. “I’ll go now.”

New Imperial Hotel: Bedroom

Elizabeth left the bathroom, towel drying her hair. “I feel human again,” she declared. “Three days in a row of this,” she continued. “When does morning sickness end?”

“Uh—” Jason reached across the bed for the book on the nightstand. She grinned at that—he’d taken her question seriously and was researching the answer. Pretty soon, he’d have memorized the book. “It should get better after—” he winced.

“What? Never? It’s never, isn’t it?” she sat next to him, peering over his shoulder.

“By the end of the first trimester.”

“Ugh. I still have like six weeks to go.” She flopped back on the bed, feeling sorry for herself for just a moment. But maybe it would be okay. Jason always got up earlier than she did, and he’d had those crackers ready. That had helped—

Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbows. “I heard you out on the balcony earlier. Were you talking to Sonny?”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t say anything else, and she considered whether to prod or push him for more. She sat upright, curling her legs beneath her. “Okay. I was thinking of where to go while Sonny’s here—”

“He apologized again for December,” Jason said and she fell silent. “But he doesn’t get it. He’s still—” He rubbed the side of his face. “He’s trying to fix things. He threatened Carly to stay away from me when we go back—he found something to use against her in her prenup—”

“Oh.” Elizabeth drew her brows together because that didn’t sound so terrible, but then again it wasn’t her life that was being meddled with.

“He still doesn’t trust me to deal with Carly,” Jason said, and Elizabeth sighed. “Does he think I’m stupid? That I can’t do anything—” He shook his head, looked away.

“I think,” Elizabeth said carefully, “that he’s feeling guilty. And he misses you.” Jason met her eyes. “That doesn’t mean you have to forgive him. Or go back to work for him. You don’t owe him anything because he came here.”

“He pointed out that if…” Jason hesitated. “That if that night didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have ended up at the boxcar. At the studio. With you.” He jerked a shoulder. “He’s right.”

Her eyes narrowed. “And I guess that means without all of that, we’re not here right now. And I’m not pregnant.” Asshole, she thought, then sighed. “He doesn’t get the credit for any of that, Jason. Because I made choices, too, didn’t I?” She slid over the bed until she was tucked up against his side. “You tried to tell me to go away, that everything was under control. But I didn’t listen. I went to get Bobbie, and I came back. And you made choices. You didn’t have to come with me. Or stay.”

Jason picked up her hand and traced the lines of her palm. “You could have kicked me out when your grandmother wanted you to.”

“And you could have stayed when Bobbie told you it was time to go.” Jason met her eyes again. “Bobbie told me about it. Everything seemed fine, and then I came back, and you were packing.”

“I told her what Nikolas said at the Christmas party wasn’t true. I told Emily that, too,” Jason admitted. “Because it wasn’t. Except that I—I knew things were changing. And I didn’t know—” He paused. “I could have stayed. I wanted to.”

“Bobbie said she could see how we felt about each other, but that it was like we were in a bubble. A safe, little world we’d created just for ourselves.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “Just like right now. When it’s just you and me, I feel like we can do anything. It’s everyone else that’s the problem.” She paused. “Sonny isn’t the reason we’re here. He made a choice—he and Carly made their choices. And then you and I made ours. You don’t owe him for that or for anything else Forgive him and go home because it’s what you want to do. When you’re ready for it. That’s all you owe anyone.”

Saturday, May 6, 2000

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Bobbie sighed when she saw Carly step off the elevator and head straight for the nurse’s station. She’d been waiting for this visit, but that didn’t mean she was looking forward to it.

“Mama, you didn’t call me back—” Carly began. Bobbie stepped out of the nurse’s station and took her daughter by the elbow to steer her over to the waiting area. “I called you three times—”

“I was busy—”

“Did you know?” Carly demanded, yanking her arm out of Bobbie’s grasp. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No, I didn’t know,” Bobbie said, “but even if I had, I wouldn’t told you. You and that stunt you pulled with Michael in January are the reason Jason left town in the first place—”

“There’s no way that it’s true,” Carly shot back. “I just saw that little twit a few weeks ago, and she looks just like a damn twig — Jason left months ago!”

“This is none of my business and it’s not yours, either. You made your bed, Carly. Don’t be angry when the world expects you to lie in it—” Bobbie folded her arms. “He’s moved on. You’re the only one still hung up—”

Carly closed her eyes. “If I had known, I could have done better yesterday. I just—it was a surprise, and it was upsetting, and now AJ—he’s mad at me.”

“Shocking.”

“Mama—” Carly’s lip trembled. “Why are you like this—”

“Because it’s been a year. Longer,” Bobbie said, gentling her tone. “And AJ has every right to be angry that you made a scene at Kelly’s. What Nikolas did was bad enough. You have a husband who is determined to put up with you, though you’ve given him no reason to—and you have a beautiful little boy who loves his father—”

“Jason’s—”

“Jason is not his father. You’re not doing Michael any favors, either. Jason is having a family of his own. He deserves that, Carly. He was a good father to Michael when you needed him. But you have to let him go. For all our sakes.”

Pioneer Courthouse Square

Sonny narrowed his eyes as he sipped the coffee, then peered at the cup suspiciously. “It’s not better than mine,” he declared, setting it on the table. “Alexis thinks we won’t be able to compete,” he continued to Jason. “But I think she’s wrong.”

Curious now, Jason lifted his own coffee to his lips. “Did they open in Port Charles since I’ve been gone?”

“No, but they’re already in the state. It won’t be—” Sonny paused when Elizabeth stifled a giggle then ducked her head down, suddenly very absorbed in the sandwich she’d bought from one of the food carts. “Are you laughing at me?”

“It’s just—” Elizabeth looked up to see them both looking at her. “That’s the third Starbucks you’ve dragged us to since you got here,” she told him. “No one listening to this conversation would ever believe what people say about you back home.”

Sonny scowled. “I take my coffee seriously. You’re not going to tell me you like this—” He flicked his elegant fingers at the white cardboard cup with its green logo, “better than mine.”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t like coffee, but their hot chocolate is pretty good—”

“Doesn’t like coffee,” Sonny muttered. He shook his head and looked at Jason. “Who doesn’t like coffee?”

“Jason drinks enough for the both of us. I think it runs through his veins—” She checked her watch. “It’s almost noon. I’m gonna go over there for a better view—” She got to her feet, picking up her drink.

“We’ll all move—” Jason offered, but she shook her head.

“It’s only for a few minutes. Be right back.”

They watched her cross the square to a tall, thin sculpture made from bronze. “She’s leaving us alone every chance she gets,” Sonny observed, and Jason looked back at him.

“She’s…” Jason hesitated. “She’s worried that I’ll decide to go home for her. For the baby. Not because I’m ready.” Sonny said nothing, only picked up his coffee. “She wants to have the baby in Port Charles. With Laura, Emily, and Bobbie. They’re her family. I need to make that happen—”

“I don’t hear you saying you’re ready to come back,” Sonny said. “If you were—”

“What does it mean to be ready?” Jason broke in. “How do I even know—” He shook his head. Looked over at Elizabeth, a few dozen yards away, her hands clasped in front of her with a grin on her face. They could hear the trumpets playing, kicking off the two-minute presentation in which the daily weather was reported. “I did a lot of stupid things to be a good father to Michael,” he said. “I always knew he wasn’t mine. I just didn’t care.” He looked back at Sonny. “I’m going to do what’s right for me. And that’s making sure Elizabeth has the life she deserves—”

“It seems like Elizabeth wants the same for you. She told me months ago that you needed to leave. The fact that you’re not already back in Port Charles means she hasn’t changed her mind.”

“That’s why you’re here. So I can prove to her that I’m fine.”

“You’re fine here. Three thousand miles away from Port Charles,” Sonny said, and Jason closed his mouth. “What if you come back, and you can’t do the job? Before you left, you couldn’t take orders from me. You didn’t trust me anymore. You can be out, if that’s what you want. But then you can’t come back to the city.”

Jason grimaced. “I know. But—” He exhaled slowly. “A few months ago, I couldn’t even look at you.” He met Sonny’s eyes. “I’ll make it work—”

“I don’t want you back if you’re not all the way there,” Sonny broke in. “There’s no place for you in the organization if you don’t trust me. Can you honestly tell me that’s changed?”

Jason shook his head. “No,” he admitted. “I can’t. But—”

“You’re not ready to come back,” Sonny told him. “And that’s fine. I deserve that. But don’t tell Elizabeth you can give her something you can’t. Otherwise, in a few months, we’ll find ourselves right back where we were in January. And you won’t be able to run away.”

Memories are just where you laid them
Drag the waters ’til the depths give up their dead
What did you expect to find?
Was there something you left behind?
Don’t you remember anything I said when I said
Don’t fall away and leave me to myself
Don’t fall away
And leave love bleedin’ in my hands, in my hands again
Leave love bleedin’ in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleedin’
– Hemorrhage (In My Hands), Fuel

---

Thursday, May 4, 2000

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny set down a carry-on suitcase, then crossed over to the coffee bar to pour himself a cup. He’d be leaving for Portland in a few hours, and before he landed, he needed to figure out what to say to Jason that would fix everything.

He’d tried apologizing, but that hadn’t worked. He’d tried explaining himself. That had also failed. And then, he’d tried ignoring everything, and that had failed miserably. Maybe Jason would appreciate that Sonny had dealt with Carly—or maybe he’d be furious that Sonny had interfered again—

“I have a few things for you to sign—” Alexis held the door open, waited for him to focus on her. “If you still want the property downtown. I can file it while you’re gone.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sonny crossed to the desk, set down his cup. “I don’t know how long — I figure maybe a day or two.”

“You think you’ll be able to smooth things over that quickly?” Alexis asked with an arch of her brow.

No, but two days would probably be long enough before Jason lost his patience and asked him to get out—Sonny closed his eyes, tightened his grip around the pen. He was Sonny damned Corinthos. He wasn’t some silly teenaged boy looking for a girl to like him back.

“I think Elizabeth is probably nervous about Jason coming home when he wasn’t able to stay before,” Sonny said. “So he’s going to say what he needs to make her feel better—”

“You don’t think Jason wants to actually resolve things and move on?” Alexis tipped her head. “Maybe he’s nervous about coming home, too. It’s not like he’ll be able to pick up and just leave again. If he and Elizabeth have the baby here, it’ll be a circus. Clearing the air with you will make it easier.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” But Sonny didn’t want to fool himself. He hoped that some time and distance would allow for Jason move past that night in December. He didn’t expect forgiveness. Not anymore. He just wanted some peace of mind, and he’d hoped to find it on this trip. “What do you need me to sign?”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Emily took a seat at the counter and flipped over a teacup. “When did you start working the breakfast shift?” she teased Bobbie who just smirked and poured boiling water into Emily’s cup.

“Since Penny had to duck out, and we haven’t found anyone to replace Elizabeth long term. I like pitching in sometimes,” Bobbie continued. “It reminds me of being back in Florida with Ruby, waiting tables.”

Emily stirred sugar into her tea. “Have you heard from Elizabeth the last few days?”

“Not since she didn’t come home with Luke and Laura.” Bobbie took a deep breath. “I’m hoping that’s good news. She and Jason have a lot to work out.”

Emily’s eyes widened. “You know where she went?”

“I’m not an idiot,” Bobbie said, but smiled. “But even if I hadn’t guessed, Luke told me. He didn’t say why.” She raised her brows. “Do you know?”

“Uh…yeah, but it’s the kind of thing Elizabeth would want to tell you herself.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it. Have you heard from her since she went out there?”

“Yeah, once. She really only calls when they’re in the hotel. They sound good.” Emily made a face. “She said she might not be home for a few more weeks, but I was thinking—maybe not even then, you know? There’s no reason she has to come back.”

“No, I suppose not.”

“And I can go see them where they end up.”

“But you’d rather she were here.” Bobbie glanced behind her, and Emily twisted to find Carly coming into the diner, taking a table with Michael and AJ along with a crowd of dock workers who’d just completed the overnight shift.  “If she doesn’t come back, maybe it’s for the best.”

“Yeah, anything that keeps Jason away from her is good in my book. I just wish I didn’t have to lose my best friend in the process—”

“That’s strange,” a new voice said, and Emily looked back again, surprised to see Nikolas standing there. She looked back at Bobbie who grimaced. She hadn’t noticed him either among the dock workers. “I thought your best friend was with you. In New York.” He tipped his head. “Because that’s what you told me.”

“Nikolas—” Emily took a deep breath. “Look, it’s not like I planned to lie to you—Elizabeth didn’t want anyone to know where she was and if I’d told you she wanted to keep it quiet, you’d have been angry about it.”

“So you chose to lie?” Nikolas demanded. “I don’t know why it surprises me. You’re just like her, you know? You’ve both been lying for months. I thought we were friends, Emily. We were friends before you ever met Elizabeth—”

Emily twisted on her stool. “Don’t do this, Nikolas. Come on—”

“Maybe I’m the only one who’s been living in a fantasy world, thinking that I had friends who cared about me—”

“You do—” Emily slid off the stool, went to grab his arm. “Come on, let’s go somewhere. Let’s just talk—”

“No, no. I’m done talking. I waited for her to come to me,” he said, his teeth clenched. “I waited for her to trust me with the truth, and she just lied. You and I both know where she is. She’s with him and you’re all lying to me about it, to everyone—”

Her eyes widened, darted around the diner. Oh, God. “Nikolas—”

“But maybe she’s ashamed, huh? Getting knocked up by a guy who cares so little about her that she couldn’t even find him—”

“What?” Carly demanded, from her table as AJ just winced. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Emily yanked on Nikolas’s sleeve. “This is not what friends do—”

“No, friends also don’t lie, do they?” Nikolas yanked his arm out of her grasp. “She’s been doing it for months, why not keep going? Did she tell you she was pregnant? That she had to drag my mother and Luke across the country because she couldn’t find Jason on her own?”

“Carly—” AJ hissed as Carly left their table and stalked towards the duo.

“What is he talking about?” Carly growled. “Who’s pregnant? What—”

“Nikolas—” Emily began.

“Elizabeth,” Nikolas said, his eyes locked on Emily even as he answered Carly’s question. “Looks like Jason’s finally going to have a kid he doesn’t have to steal.”

Emily put her head in her hands as more than one table around them began whispering in a hush. She saw several cell phones come out—

“It’s time you left,” Bobbie declared, coming up behind Emily. “Now.”

“With pleasure.” Nikolas stormed out. A moment later, AJ dumped a few bills on the table, picked Michael up and left. Carly scowled but hurried after them before she was abandoned at the diner.

“Oh my God—” Emily moaned. Bobbie grabbed her arm and dragged her back towards the kitchen. “Oh, Liz is going to kill me—”

“No, she’s not. She’s not here. Right now, she’s three thousand miles away,” Bobbie told her. “So I’m going to call Laura. We’re going to do damage control—”

“Damage control? Bobbie, I have to call Liz and warn her—” Stricken, Emily focused on Bobbie. “And you didn’t even know—”

“No, I didn’t—but I’m not angry, sweetheart. It’s all right. Let me call Laura, and you can call Liz. This is probably the best way for the truth to explode—when they’re not in the state.”

“I guess,” Emily said dubiously, watching as Bobbie pulled out a phone.

Portland International Airport: Arrivals

Jason reflexively tightened his hand around Elizabeth’s as Sonny emerged from the baggage claim area. He was alone without any guards, a large carry-on bag looped over his shoulder. He’d spent four days wondering what he’d feel when he saw his former friend and partner again.

Speaking to him on the phone hadn’t been so bad, but in person — in person it was easier to remember how that night had felt. The searing pain in his side, the way everything had twisted when Carly sauntered down the stairs, the dress shirt haphazardly buttoned—

Sonny sitting in the chair, looking away from him, drinking.

Every time they had been in the same room since then had felt like torture, like swimming against the current, and the last time—

“This isn’t a test, you know,” Elizabeth murmured at his side. “No one is saying if you fail, you don’t get to go back home. That not what this is, right? We’re just visiting on neutral ground. If it doesn’t work out, Sonny can go back home tomorrow, and we’ll go on our trip and figure out the next step.”

It was tempting to take her up on that offer, to just keep driving away from all his problems. He’d done that before she’d shown up. But it hadn’t fixed anything, and it wasn’t a real solution.

“Jason.” Sonny stopped in front of them, flashing a hesitant smile at Elizabeth, but it faded nearly as quickly as it appeared. Maybe he’d been remembering the last time he’d been friendly to Elizabeth in front of Jason. “Elizabeth. How are you feeling?”

“Good. Jason and I drove in from the coast yesterday,” she said, tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Um—” The phone vibrated against her hip, and she pulled it out.

“That’s the second time since we got here. You’d better answer it,” Jason said.

“It’s Emily again. I’ll just tell her we’ll call her later.” Elizabeth put the phone to her ear and took a few steps away, leaving Jason and Sonny in awkward silence.

“Things are, um, okay? I mean, it’s not my business,” Sonny said, glancing after Elizabeth. “I was just worried after—”

“I know. Things are fine—” Jason’s voice faded when the color faded from Elizabeth’s cheeks. She focused on him, her eyes wide. Quickly, Jason closed the distance between them. “What is it?”

“It’s, um—” Wordlessly Elizabeth shoved the phone at Jason. “I can’t—”

Sonny was there, taking the phone from Jason as he put an arm around Elizabeth’s waist and steered her over to a bench. “Look at me. Hey—” He cupped her jaw in one hand, squeezing her hand with the other. “Elizabeth.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “She said it, and I just—lost my breath, and then I couldn’t catch it again.”

Sonny came over, handed them a closed phone. “It’s out,” he said shortly and Jason stared at him, unsure what he meant. “Nikolas Cassadine announced it in the middle of the lunch shift at Kelly’s. Everyone knows about the baby.”

Wyndemere: Conservatory

Stefan tossed aside the paper when the doors blew open and Laura stalked in, her face pale and her eyes burning. “Laura,” he said cautiously. “I know you’re angry—”

“Where is he?”

“He’s down at the stables, but—” Stefan put up a hand to block her before she could head out the garden doors. “We should talk about this first.”

“Talk about what?” Laura lifted her brows. “Do you know what he did, Stefan?”

“He told me he had an argument with Emily at Kelly’s, and as a result, revealed some sensitive information Elizabeth might have wished to keep secret.” Stefan blocked her forward advance again. “He’s hurting, Laura—”

Laura took a deep breath. “And you’re protecting him. Just like you have for months—”

“He’s had a difficult year—”

“I know that, and I have tried to be understanding but he refuses to see reason—” Laura curled her hand into a fist. “I know that everything with Katherine on top of losing Lucky has made things difficult. But it’s not an excuse how he’s been acting, for what he’s said and done for months—”

“So, you’re going to what?” Stefan arched a slim brow. “Confront him? Chastise him? He’ll just see you as choosing yet another person over him. You’ve done it all his life, why stop now?”

Laura’s eyes burned. “That is not fair, Stefan, and you damn well know it. I did the best I could. What I was capable of. Just as you did. And I am not choosing Elizabeth over him—”

“You came all the way to the island so that you could yell at him about what he’s done. Do you think he’s not ashamed already?”

“I will not have him blaming his childhood and the fact that I wasn’t there for the rest of his life. I am done with the guilt trips. Now—get out of my way.”

Quartermaine Estate: Hallway

Carly stepped out of Michael’s room, leaving the toddler with his nanny, then grimaced when AJ’s hand slid around her forearm, just below the elbow. “Hey—”

“Shut up,” her husband hissed, steering her around the corner into their bedroom. He released her so suddenly that it felt almost like a shove, and she stumbled. The door slammed behind her, and Carly whirled.

“What is your—”

“That—” AJ held up a finger, his eyes dark and swirling, “is the last time you humiliate me in public—”

Carly bristled. “I didn’t—”

“It is none of your business what my brother does,” AJ bit out. “And you have no right to demand answers about a relationship and pregnancy that have nothing to do with you—”

A shiver slid down Carly’s spine as she swallowed hard. Would Sonny see this as a violation of their deal? “I didn’t—” She cleared her throat, put up her hands. “I didn’t mean—it wasn’t—I was just upset—”

“Why?” AJ demanded flatly. “I’m your husband. Jason is nothing to you. He’s moving on. He’s having a family with someone else—”

“The hell he is—”

“Shut up!” AJ roared and it was so unexpected that Carly fell silent, closing her mouth. “I’m done! That’s it!” He started across the room, and Carly realized with a start he was heading for the phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m done with this. I’m done being runner-up—” AJ jerked the phone off the base and jabbed in a number. “I’m calling my lawyer—”

“No, no, no—” Carly leapt across the room, grappled with him for the phone. “No!” If AJ filed for divorce now, everyone would think it was because of Jason—because of Kelly’s—and she couldn’t be sure Sonny wouldn’t send those photos just to be an asshole— “Please—”

AJ slowly set the phone back down and looked at her, his expression hard and unyielding. “This is the last warning, Carly. You and I both know that if I file for divorce, I will destroy you. I will keep you in court until your bones are dust, and there is no one coming to save you.”

Carly’s hands were shaking as she held them up. She wanted to deny it, wanted to believe that if AJ really went after her but Jason was gone. He’d cut her out.

“I know.” Carly squeezed her eyes shut, tears stinging as her voice broke. “I know! I screwed everything up and now we’re all miserable! I won’t do it again. Okay? I’m done. It’s over.”

AJ shook his head and disgust and left the bedroom, the door slamming so hard in his wake that it shook the frame. Carly sank onto the edge of the bed. She’d reached the end of the road. No more cards left to play.

Wyndemere: Stables

Nikolas ran a brush through Sheba’s mane, enjoying the quiet, the peace of the stables. To be away from everything that had happened that morning.

He hadn’t meant to say anything about the pregnancy. Not when he’d arrived. He’d hoped to spend some time with Emily, to resolve some of the anger burning at his gut. But then he’d overheard them talking about Elizabeth—

And it was clear that his mother wasn’t the only person Elizabeth had trusted. Emily knew. And they’d all cut him out. He squeezed his eyes closed, wishing when he opened them again, he could have turned back time. That he could be back at Kelly’s that last night, to stop his brother from burning those candles—

“How could you?”

Nikolas turned towards the entrance of the stable and forced his features into a blank expression as he studied his mother. “Are you here to tell me what a bad boy I’ve been?”

“Any chance of Elizabeth ever trusting you again is gone. You understand that, don’t you?”

“She started the lying, not me.” Months ago. She’d told him she wasn’t ready to move on from Lucky after her birthday, but it had been a lie. She didn’t want him. No more than his own mother did.

“Did it ever occur to you that Elizabeth wouldn’t have seen it as a lie?” Laura’s footsteps approached him, and he focused on her. “She told me, Emily, and Jason. Luke and Sonny know because we had to find Jason. But that’s it. She had every right to hold on to this as long as she could. Some women don’t say anything for months—”

“Some women aren’t supposed to be your friends. She could have trusted me—”

“And you proved so worthy of that last Christmas,” Laura said. “When you told the world she was dating Jason.”

“Not dating,” Nikolas bit out. “He had her hidden in the studio like a dirty secret.” Nikolas wouldn’t have treated her that way — he would have given her the world. Not anymore. That was done.

“Oh, so it’s concern for her that had you telling the world she was pregnant. Just like concern made you announce her sex life—”

“It doesn’t bother you at all, does it?” Nikolas bit out. “She’s out there acting like Lucky never existed! It’s what you’re all doing—”

“I’m acting like my life didn’t end last year,” Laura corrected. “It didn’t. I went on breathing, Nikolas, as hard as it was to imagine for a time. And Elizabeth went on living. She fell in love again.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t get to find another brother—” He closed his eyes as the pain sliced again. He hadn’t really had his brother at all and now everyone treated Lucky like he was a burden that had to be endured. “She’s going to get herself killed, and if that’s not enough, she’s dragging another innocent life into this. Why am I the only one who sees it? How many lives does Jason Morgan get to destroy? Lucky wasn’t enough?”

“If you’re not ready to let Lucky rest in peace, I can’t help you. But Elizabeth is still part of my family—I’m not choosing her over you, but you are wrong for what you’re doing. And I’m not going to pretend that you’re not. You don’t have to like her choices, but they are hers to make. Leave her alone,” Laura warned. “You’re only making yourself miserable and you’re pushing everyone else away.”

Nikolas scowled as she left. He was only miserable because no one could see what was happening. He’d just have to show them.

Portland, Oregon

New Imperial Hotel

“I’m really okay,” Elizabeth told Jason again as he paced the length of their room. She turned to Sonny, seated beside on the sofa. “It was just—I was upset. Bobbie didn’t know, and that’s not the way I wanted her to find out—”

“Maybe you should see a doctor.” Jason sat on the edge of the bed. “You still look pale—”

“Anxiety attacks will do that.” Sonny straightened when Jason sent him a dark glare. “I’m sorry. Look, her pulse is good. She’s not cramping. She got some bad news and reacted. I could tell you to relax, but it’s not going to work.” He sent Elizabeth a reassuring smile. “Welcome to the next eight months of your life.”

“I’m fine,” Elizabeth said, and this time she saw Jason’s expression ease. “I’d rather we talk about what we’re going to do about this.”

“Actually—” Sonny got to his feet. “Not that my opinion really matters, but this — this is not the worst way for people to find out. You’re not in town for people to scream at,” he told Jason. “So, no extra pressure on Elizabeth. You’ve been gone long enough that, uh, people aren’t all that interested in you.”

Elizabeth knew what that meant — men in Sonny’s business likely wouldn’t care. “Did Emily say who else was there?”

“Carly and AJ,” Sonny said, and Jason tensed. “I don’t know much more than that. I’ll call Alexis and find out more. You guys take a minute.”

He went to the door that adjoined the rooms and closed it behind him. Jason took his seat on the sofa.

“I feel like an idiot for getting all upset,” Elizabeth said, with a grimace. “And I haven’t had a panic attack in over a year.” She took his hands, waited for him to meet her eyes. “I really am okay.”

“I just—” He cleared his throat. “Sonny’s got a point. Everyone finding out when we’re not there—it’s a little easier.”

“Yeah. I just don’t understand how Nikolas knew—and Bobbie—I meant to tell her, there just never seemed to be a good time—” Elizabeth shook her head. “I hate it.”

“Call her and talk it out.” Jason leaned over to grab the cell phone they’d dumped on the table. “You know she loves you. It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.” She snuggled up to his side and he put an arm around her shoulders. “She’ll probably want to hear from you, too.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you
You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there’s no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I’ll live again with love
And no, they can’t take that away from me
– I Surrender, Celine Dion

---

Friday, April 28, 2000

Cabin: Bedroom

Jason didn’t dream, so he didn’t have nightmares. But if he did, he imagined it might feel like this moment, standing in front of Elizabeth with his ridiculous collection of discarded postcards surrounding her.

How had she found them—why—

He should have just kept walking towards the pizzeria instead of coming back, frustrated by the continued tension between them—maybe she would have just put them back and never brought them up—

“Our bags look the same,” she said softly. She got to her feet, her cheeks flushed. She held one of the cards in her hand. “I didn’t mean to find them.”

“I—” Jason swallowed. “You told me to stop sending them,” he managed. “Not that I had to stop writing them.”

“Did you—” She stared down at the one she held, and he recognized one he’d written in South Dakota. The first one he’d grabbed after returning from Port Charles. “Did you mean what you wrote?”

He didn’t have to ask what she meant. “Yeah,” Jason managed, because maybe this wasn’t a disaster. “I—”

“‘I think about you every day’,” she read softly, her voice trembling. “‘What it felt like to hold you again, to wake up next to you. I wish I could give you more—'” Elizabeth looked at him. “You just stopped. In the middle of the sentence.”

“I couldn’t send it to you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I told myself to stop. That it was just making it worse. I thought if I stopped, I wouldn’t think about you so much.” He managed a half smile. “It didn’t work.”

“You wrote…nearly every day—” Her voice trembled. “Every day.”

“I told you—”

“But—” She held the postcard against herself. “You really did it.”

Did she think he’d lied? “Yes—”

“I thought—” Elizabeth said, taking a step towards him. “When I didn’t hear from you, when it was just those few postcards—it hurt. Like you didn’t miss me—or maybe, if you did, it wasn’t the way I missed you.” She swallowed hard, her eyes locked on his. “Maybe you just missed your friend. And then those postcards came, and they didn’t say anything. Nothing real. So I didn’t know. And you came back, and it was like you hadn’t left—but you went away again. And everyone always leaves—”

“I had to go,” Jason forced out. “I didn’t want to—”

“You would have stayed,” she interrupted. “I didn’t believe you then. Not really. But—” Her fingers trembling, she looked at the postcard in her hands. “You would have. For me.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he confessed, and her head snapped back up, and there was something about the look in her eyes that made everything else easier to say. “Yeah, I missed my friend. I missed you. And everything we’d been together. And all the things we never got to be. I don’t want to go back to how things used to be. I want to go forward. With you.”

Elizabeth closed the distance between them and before he understood what she was going to do, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

He froze for a second—not understanding how any of this had happened—how he had left the room, sure that everything he did was completely wrong—and now she was in his arms—Jason dragged her closer, sliding his hands into hair—he’d missed how silky it felt in his fingers and how good she felt pressed against him—

The postcard she held in her hands fell to the ground as Jason backed her up to the wall, and she shoved his jacket off his shoulders, sliding her hands under his shirt, dragging it up and over his head. One of her legs wrapped around his waist—he cupped her thigh, urging it up so he could lift her. He nearly stumbled as he moved blindly towards the bed, but managed to get there, nearly unable to believe his good fortune that despite everything—

Everything he wanted in the world was right here in front of him—if he could just hold on to it.

“I’ll never leave you again,” he murmured, smoothing her hair away from her face. “I’m right where I want to be.”

—

She could hear the ocean gently crashing outside the window. The sun had begun to set in the horizon, casting the room into shadows. Elizabeth curled up next to Jason, the sheets twisted, and comforter pushed down towards the foot of the bed. Both their bags had been shoved off the bed, and the postcards were scattered on the bed and on the floor.

She slid in and out of a light doze, lulled into dreams by the soft stroke of Jason’s fingers against her skin, dancing up and down her spine. Whatever happened next, she knew they could handle anything.

“I think it’s because of my parents,” she said, then frowned, unsure where the words or thought had come from. His fingers stilled for a moment, then continued. “Mostly my mom.”

“What is?” he asked gently.

“Why I’m…” She bit her lip, then sat up, tugging the sheet under her arms. “Why I didn’t want you to just jump on a plane and come home.”

Jason slid one hand under his head, the elbow cocked out on the pillow as he looked up at her, his expression still questioning. “Your mother.”

“I told you about the fellowship she turned down because she got pregnant with me. The thing is—” Elizabeth bit her lip. “She didn’t want me. Or Sarah. It was Dad who wanted more kids. They planned Sarah. I was an accident. Dad didn’t want her to have an abortion, so she kept me. And gave up the fellowship. I don’t think she ever thought I was worth the sacrifice.”

“She’s wrong—”

“She gets to feel however she wants, I guess. She was never cruel to me, and I had what I needed mostly. They were only supposed to be away a year. Mom got the invitation to join Doctors Without Borders, and she told Dad they could do it now. Sarah only had a year left of high school, and Steven had left for college. They were almost free. Dad didn’t want to go, but she said he’d promised her that he’d never make her give up her career again for the kids. So they left for Europe, sent Sarah to stay with Gram, and dropped me off at the neighbors.” Elizabeth met his eyes. “She changed her whole life for me, Jason. She gave up her dreams and what she wanted because she loved my dad. I guess I was scared you’d go home before you were ready, and you’d be unhappy again. Just like she was. I know that’s not fair to you—”

Jason reached up to tug her back down and drew her close, pressing his lips to her forehead. “You just wanted me to be sure. I’m sorry about your mother. It’s her loss.”

“I haven’t spoken to her since she left. Dad called a lot that first year. But not so much after…” She closed her eyes. “Gram told them about the rape. Dad wanted me to come to Europe, but I couldn’t. Then Sarah left for college—” She paused. “Anyway. I’m sorry. I kept picking fights because I was scared. I didn’t want you to come home because of the baby. And I didn’t really believe you could still want me.” She smiled. “But you did.”

They fell into silence again, the sun sinking lower and the room growing darker. She nearly slipped back into that space between dreams and waking, so warm and comfortable—and then her stomach rumbled.

“We should get something to eat,” he murmured, his voice drowsy. He slid his hand up to her belly, still flat. Gently, he pushed her onto her back so that he could press his mouth just above her belly button.

Elizabeth shivered from the sensation, and he propped himself up on his elbow. “It’s hard to believe,” she admitted, “that there’s a baby in there.” Though they’d talked about it before, it felt different this time. It felt real. Or maybe it was that they felt like a team. Like a couple who had just learned they were having a child.

“I know,” Jason said. He traced a pattern, his fingertips making her twitch. It was a little ticklish. “You look the same.”

“I feel mostly the same,” she said. “But I know that’ll start changing soon.”

Jason sat up all the way up. “I’ll go get a pizza or something. It’s better than nothing,” he said. “You need to eat.”

“I am hungry,” she admitted. She snagged his elbow as he started to move away. “I’ve been so scared this week,” Elizabeth said, “but I’m not anymore. This is—it’s so big, and I didn’t know if you’d feel trapped or obligated. I didn’t want that. But I think—” She bit her lip, and he waited for her to gather her thoughts. “I think I’m happy. Excited. And—I hope you are, too.”

“I am—” Jason leaned forward to brush his mouth against hers. “Terrified,” he murmured, stroking her cheek. “Overwhelmed. But happy. That you’re here, and that this—” His other hand covered her belly again. “This little grain of rice or poppy seed is with us. I don’t know what tomorrow looks like. I just know I want to spend it with you.”

Sunday, April 30, 2000

General Hospital: Conference Room

“I was hoping to catch you before you left—”

Nikolas shoved the last of the folders and paperwork into his briefcase, then closed it. He leveled a cool stare at his mother as Laura stood in the doorway. “I’m not sure we have anything else to say to each other—”

“You haven’t returned a single phone call since we spoke last week—” Laura held up her hands as Nikolas approached her. “Please.”

He stopped, then lifted a brow. “All right. Go ahead. Say what you came to say—”

“When you left last week, you seemed to think that neither Bobbie or I had considered the risks in Elizabeth pursuing a relationship with Jason,” Laura said. Nikolas’s jaw clenched, and he looked away. “I have. And it worries me, Nikolas. It does. I wasn’t here when you were injured, but when I learned of it later, it horrified me. I’d nearly lost Lucky to that life—”

“You did lose him—”

“I respect that you believe the fire was due to Sonny and Jason. I don’t, but I’m not going to talk you out of it,” Laura said, and he closed his mouth. “I’m speaking of what I do know. I lived the majority of my life under the threat of Frank Smith finding me. Or the Cassadines,” she admitted. “When I think of Elizabeth living that way—”

“Then how can you support her? How can you let her think this is okay?” he bit out.

“What’s the alternative?” Laura wanted to know. “Audrey tried to give her an ultimatum, and Elizabeth moved out. She’s not speaking to you, Nikolas, because you didn’t support her. Am I supposed to cut her out, too?” She paused. “I’ve already lost Lucky. I may not have chosen this life for Elizabeth, but all I can do now is love her and make sure she has what she needs to be happy.”

“It’s not enough—” Nikolas gritted his teeth. “It’s not—”

“You’re only making yourself miserable if you continue to be antagonistic—”

“You and Bobbie and Emily can sit around and let Elizabeth make the same choices that you did. As Lucky did. You’ve chosen to think that Jason and Sonny are good men—”

“Nothing is black and white—” Laura stopped when Nikolas walked past her. “Nikolas—”

“I won’t stand by and blindly support Elizabeth as she betrays everything my brother died for. You and Bobbie can do what you want. Don’t expect me to play nice.”

Monday, May 1, 2000

Cape Meares State Scenic Viewpoint

“I told you it would be worth it,” Elizabeth said, leaning over the edge of the guardrail. He winced and braced a hand at the small of her back. “I wish we had binoculars. The guide said we could see gray whales—” She looked down at the brochure, studying it.

“We can always come back,” Jason offered, amused by her enthusiasm. “Or check the gift shop—” He paused when her jacket began to ring.

“Maybe.” She fished in her pocket for the cell phone Luke had left her, grimacing. “It’s Laura.”

“You can take the call—”

“No, I’ll let it go to voicemail. I’ll call her when we get to the hotel tonight.” She put the phone back in her pocket, but the expression she’d made when she’d seen Laura’s name stayed with him.

“Why didn’t you want to talk to her now?”

“Nothing—” Elizabeth sighed. “The last time I talked to her, she asked about putting my mail on hold. Right now, she’s picking it up for me. And she’s watching my grandmother’s cat.”

Jason exhaled, looked back out over the water. Elizabeth had put her entire life on hold to come out here, to tell him about the baby. And while they were finally on the same page in most ways, they still hadn’t really tackled the decision to return to Port Charles. She had to go back. Of course she did.

“It’s fine,” Elizabeth said. “I’ll ask her to take care of the mail, and Gatsby is fine at her place—”

“Or we could go back,” he cut in. “We can’t keep putting this off,” Jason pressed when she just looked at him. “I know you wanted time—”

“You needed it, too,” she argued. “Or have you changed your mind? Are you ready to go home?”

Jason put his hand at her elbow to keep her facing him. “I don’t know. Maybe. If we go back and it’s not okay—if things are still tense with Sonny or—” He paused. “I don’t know. I know Carly’s still an issue. But I don’t think she can hurt me the way she did before.”

Elizabeth still looked torn, and while he wanted to be frustrated by her hesitation, he knew she was only thinking of how bad it had been before he left and how he’d talked about it on the beach earlier that week. She wanted to protect him and was trying to put him first.

That didn’t happen to him very often. Or ever. He held out his hand. “Let me see the phone.”

Elizabeth frowned but handed it over. “Why?”

“I’m going to call Sonny.” He had a plan. Or at least the beginning of a plan. If he could handle Sonny, that meant he could handle the job. And Elizabeth could be in Port Charles where she was happy. She’d be near the hospital with doctors—

Carly was a different kind of hurdle to deal with, and he really wouldn’t know until he was face to face with her what to expect.

“You really don’t have to do this—”

“Hello?”

“Sonny,” Jason said, squeezing Elizabeth’s hand to show her he was okay. He could see the worry in her eyes, the lines in her forehead crinkling. “It’s me.”

“Jason. Uh, hey. How are you? Is—are you okay?”

“I’m good. Elizabeth and I are still in Oregon.” He looked out over the ocean, thought about how to really fix this. “She said you helped track me down. Thank you.”

“Oh, well, I didn’t do much, but I’m glad it worked out. Hope she’s having a good time.”

“Yeah, she is. We both are. Uh—” Jason winced. “Listen. There are things. We should talk about them.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.”

“I—I’m not coming to Port Charles yet. I thought maybe you could come out here. Meet us in Portland for a few days. So we could talk.”

There was a long pause, and then Sonny answered. “Sure. Let me move some things around. Can—maybe there’s a number I could call.”

“Yeah, hold on—” He held the phone out to her. “Can you give him the number of this phone? I don’t know it.”

“Sure.” Elizabeth reeled off the numbers, then hung up the phone. “You really didn’t have to—”

“It’s better if we do this on neutral ground,” Jason told her. “Maybe away from Port Charles, it’ll be easier.” He paused, looked out over the horizon again, then met her eyes. “If it’s okay, we’ll go back—”

“I have a counter offer. Sonny comes here and you guys can sort things out. And then—” Elizabeth grasped the lapels of his jacket, leaned up to kiss him. “You wanted to go to California, right? I was looking at the brochures last night. I saw one for the Pacific Coast Highway. We could do it in two, maybe three weeks.”

He kissed her again, lingering. “Are you sure?”

“It’ll be fun. You’ll talk to Sonny, and then we’ll go. By the end of it, you might feel even better about going home. You might feel sort of okay now, and maybe seeing Sonny will help. But I still think we should wait a bit longer.” She laid her hand against his chest. “I heard you on the beach, Jason. I listened to you. You didn’t feel ready to go back.”

“That was before—” He took one of her curls, wrapped it around his finger. “I didn’t know I still had you.”

She softened. “You always had me. Still, I want to take this trip. It’ll be fun. Plus, we won’t be able to just take off on these kinds of things after the baby, you know? So we should do it while we can.”

“When you put it that way.” He laced his fingers through hers. “Come on, let’s go to the gift shop and see if we can get some binoculars. Now that you mentioned the whales, I want to see them, too.”

Lincoln City, Oregon

Starfish Manor Hotel

“Oh, this is so much better than last night,” Elizabeth said, breathing a sigh of relief as she came into the room with the large picture window overlooking the ocean. “Did you know there was a Jacuzzi?”

Jason tossed their bags on the bed and eyed the tub at the end the room by the window. “No—” But he was definitely interested.

Elizabeth started to dig through her bag, wincing. “We need to find a laundromat,” she said. “I’m almost out of clothes.”

“I’ll ask the lobby tomorrow.” Jason picked up the room service menu. “We’re only two hours out of Portland,” he told her, “so I was thinking we’d stay in the area. When Sonny can come, we won’t have to backtrack.”

Elizabeth was already inspecting the controls on the hot tub. “Sounds good. Oh—” She dug in her pocket for the phone vibrating against her hip. “Hey, Laura. No, I saw your call earlier. We just got to the hotel.” She grinned. “Oh, hey, this isn’t a window—it’s a door to the balcony,” she called back to Jason.

He watched her go out and curl up on the chairs, continuing the phone conversation. He ordered some dinner, then called down to the lobby to ask about the laundromat. She’d been with him more than a week, and Jason already couldn’t fathom how he’d filled his days before she’d joined him. Now that they were finally on the same page—that they were actually together—he couldn’t imagine going on without her.

Everything was better now that she was here, and he was determined to keep it that way. He’d make sure this visit with Sonny went well so that it would be one less obstacle to return to Port Charles.

Carly would always be a thorn in his side, but it didn’t sting the way it had even a few weeks ago. Would that change when he got to Port Charles? Maybe. But—

“Hey.” Elizabeth came back in, leaning against the door frame. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He hung up the phone. “I am. How’s Laura?”

“Good. I told her I was going to be gone longer, and she said she’d take care of my mail. She wanted to know if it was okay to give Em the number, so I did.” Elizabeth tipped her head to the side. “Is it okay? You left without giving us any way to reach you, and I’ve basically ruined that—”

“I thought it had to be that way,” he told her. He reached for her hand, drew her against him, still marveling at the way they fit together. “That if I cut the ties, it would make it easier.” He brushed the back of his knuckles down her cheek, and she smiled. “I was wrong.”

“I wish I’d come with you back then,” she said with a sigh. “But maybe it was supposed to be this way. I was able to find some peace with Gram. And I got this job—”

“I thought I’d be better off alone. I’m not. I wouldn’t have known that if you’d come with me in January. Or even last month. Things happen for a reason.” He kissed her, tightening his hold on her. “I ordered room service,” he murmured. “We can try out the hot tub later.”

“Sounds like an excellent plan.”

I think I’m dyin’ nursing patience
It can wait one night
I’d give it all away if you give me one last try
We’ll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life
Run and tell the angels that everything’s alright
– Learn to Fly, Foo Fighters

---

Friday, April 28, 2000

Ocean Inn: Room

They stayed in Manzanita for a week, a choice that puzzled Elizabeth even as she repacked her duffel bag while Jason took a shower. The area was beautiful, and she liked that their suite felt like a small home — one of the ways to reassure Jason that they were just fine outside of Port Charles was to go to the grocery store and stock the kitchenette with fresh food. Jason knew how to cook better than she did, but she could heat up leftovers better than anyone else.

It had been like living together in the studio again with a bit more space, a better view, and an actual bathroom they didn’t share with the rest of the floor. But it wasn’t really like living together, Elizabeth thought. She folded a shirt and tucked it inside the bag, then reached for the art supplies. They’d slept in the same bed, but he hadn’t touched her. And she hadn’t pushed either, she reminded herself.

She probably could have. Just reached for him one night—hadn’t she made the first move in January? And last month? Elizabeth zipped the duffel closed. It was probably for the best that they weren’t—

“I was looking at the map—”

Elizabeth turned, startled. Jason stood in the doorway, between the bathroom and bedroom, a toothbrush in his hand. He wore a pair of jeans but hadn’t yet pulled on a shirt. Some of the drops from the shower still glistened on his chest. Her fingers tightened around the strap of the duffel. “The map?” she managed.

“Yeah.” Jason tossed the toothbrush into the sink and stepped into the bedroom—she saw then that he held an Oregon atlas in his hand. “I was thinking we could go to Tillamook.”

“Tillamook—” Elizabeth drew her brows together. She remembered the name from the planning she’d done in case Jason hadn’t been in Astoria. “That’s not too far away.”

“Only about an hour—” He stopped when she came closer and tugged the atlas from him. “What?”

She stared at the map, swallowing hard as she looked at the page. Tillamook wasn’t just an hour away from Manzanita. It was also still close to Portland. That didn’t have to mean anything, she told herself. Portland was huge and most places were within a few hours of it. But—

“Didn’t you say you wanted to go to California?” Elizabeth’s fingers dug into the edges of the book. “We’ll never make it if you only go thirty miles every week—” She flipped a page. “We could make Crescent City tonight—”

“That’s nearly eight hours—” Jason frowned. “What’s wrong with taking our time?”

“Nothing.” Elizabeth shoved the atlas back at him, already irritated with herself for picking the fight. Why did she keep doing that? Even after Sunday, when he’d walked on the beach, and they’d had that conversation about not pushing each other, about giving time. If Jason wanted to explore every little dinky town on the Oregon coast, it wasn’t her trip to criticize—she’d invited herself along.

But she didn’t know how to stop picking at him, how to stop analyzing every single thing he said and did, looking for a hint that he didn’t want her, that he was unhappy—just a few days ago, he’d suggested she try out some fish and she’d snapped at him that she could take care of the baby without him controlling her diet—

“Tillamook is fine,” she said finally. “I don’t remember reading a lot about it—”

“You’ve been getting nauseous if we’re on the bike for too long,” Jason said, and she looked at him. He had set the atlas on the dresser. “Twice this week, we were out longer than an hour. I just wanted to make it easier for you. And I’m not in a hurry to get to California.”

She sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that—” She nearly retorted out that all he ever thought about was the baby, like she didn’t matter, but she bit that back before it spilled out. Tears pricked her eyes. What a terrible thing to think and nearly accuse him of—what was wrong with her?

She pressed her hands to her face, digging her palms into her eyes so hard she saw stars. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little…I don’t know. You’re right. We’d never make that kind of drive today.” Elizabeth looked at him. “Thank you. For thinking about it. I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I just wish you’d tell me what’s really wrong.” With that, Jason tugged on a shirt and went back to the bathroom to pack his razor and anything else he’d left in there.

There was no way she was going to do that, Elizabeth thought darkly. Not when she had no bloody clue what was really wrong. Jason had been nothing but wonderful since that night on the beach, and she’d been a bitch. He’d ripped open a vein for her, and all Elizabeth could do was criticize everything he did and look for the worst-case scenario.

Maybe it really was the fear that he was subconsciously keeping them close to Portland, a few hours away from an airport. Maybe Jason didn’t even realize it. But was it because he thought she was going to leave? Or did he want her to go? And was she, like always, spinning fantasies in her own head?

It was probably neither of those things. Jason was right. She’d had some trouble with longer bike rides, and if they didn’t take things slowly, she’d get sick. It was perfectly rational to accept that as an explanation.

Determined to do exactly that, Elizabeth got to her feet and finished packing.

Port Charles, New York

Luke’s: Bar

The interior of the club was gaudy and overdone, but Sonny still loved the hell out of it. He remembered the first time he’d stepped inside, just before opening night. Luke had been proud of the design—it had looked exactly like his vision.

Sonny had pulled out of the club a year earlier after Lucky’s death, but he missed it like he missed Luke’s friendship. There were few people more loyal than Luke Spencer.

Sonny had a way of shoving loyal people out the door. Today—today was going to try to at least return the loyalty Jason had showed him over and over again by creating a safe place to return.

Carly scowled as she sat down. “Why the hell did you pick this spot?” she demanded.

Sonny leaned forward. “Because I didn’t think you’d want your husband to overhear this conversation.” He nodded to Claude. “A bourbon for me. She’s not staying.”

Carly waited for the bartender to serve the drink and disappear into the back. “You got a lot of nerve summoning me like I belong to you,” she began.

Sonny picked up the tumbler with one hand and with the other, he slid a sheaf of papers across the bar. “Take a look at these.”

“What—” Carly’s mouth fell open as she snatched the papers up, her fingers digging in, wrinkling the pages. “How the hell did you get this? This is confidential—”

“That’s not the question you should be asking.” Sonny sipped the liquor. “You should be asking me,” he continued, “What do I intend to do with them?”

Carly’s brown eyes seared into him. “All right. What are you going to do?” she bit out.

“Nothing.” She scoffed and Sonny shrugged. “As long as you do exactly as I say, I’ll forget I ever saw them.”

“Why the hell should I believe you?”

Sonny dismissed that question. “It’s simple, Carly. Jason will be returning at some point in the next few months.” Maybe sooner. Maybe later. But eventually, Jason would come back with Elizabeth. “And when he does, you’re going to steer clear of him. You’ll leave the room when he comes in. You’ll make sure he never has to hear your voice again.”

Carly’s glare was scathing. “You have no right—”

“If you bother him, if you so much as cause him an ounce of distress—” Sonny paused to slide over a manila envelope. “I’ll have these delivered to your husband.”

Carly’s face went white, and she grabbed the envelope. She ripped it open and dumped out the photos. “What—” They were black and white, a bit grainy. But clear. A photograph of her entering Sonny’s penthouse, time stamped November 30, 1999. Another of an open door as Jason, with Carly in the edge of the frame—just enough of her figure to see that she was scantily clad. It was timestamped almost an hour after she’d gone in. Her fingers started to tremble as she went to the last photo — her exit nearly ten minutes later, her hair disheveled and she was rushing.

“It’s not perfect proof,” Sonny said, “but I think it’ll be enough. AJ’s keeping you around because you’re not a terrible mother, but he knew you’d cheat. He thought it’d be with his brother, but you were smart. You knew about this clause.” Sonny tapped the page of the prenuptial agreement he’d had Benny dig up. “Evidence of infidelity means AJ gets to walk away with primary custody of Michael, and you don’t get a single cent.”

Carly exhaled slowly. “You wouldn’t do this. It would upset Michael, and Jason would hate that—”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take. But I don’t think you are.” Sonny sipped the bourbon. “It’s a simple deal, Carly. Keep your country club life, your son, and your access to the Quartermaines. Leave Jason alone. He doesn’t want you. I don’t know how much clearer he can make it than he did on the day on the docks when you used Michael against him for the last time.”

Carly looked at the photographs again, then up at Sonny. “A bit of a security risk to have a camera on your own door. It’d be a shame if someone used that against you.”

“I want you to remember something,” Sonny said, leaning in, his voice going very quiet. Carly’s eyes widened. “I am a dangerous man. If you think to go against me, then I’ll make AJ’s life even easier. You’ll simply disappear. One day, it’ll be like you were never here.”

Carly swallowed hard. “You wouldn’t hurt a woman—”

“Not personally, no.” He grinned, his dimples winking, but his eyes remained cold. “But you can hire people for that sort of thing.”

“My mother—”

“Is already at her limits with you. And you know that, don’t you? Bobbie’s already had to forgive so much. Those photos hit the tabloids—” Sonny nodded at them. “Do you really think anyone will question why you disappear? Do you think anyone will really care?”

Carly exhaled slowly. “I stay away from Jason, and you keep your mouth shut. That’s the deal?”

“That’s the deal.”

“What if Jason doesn’t want it that way?” she demanded. “What if he comes home and he’s forgiven me—”

“In the extremely unlikely event that Jason goes insane and decides to let you back into his life, that’ll be his problem. But as long as he doesn’t want you around, Carly, you stay out. That’s the deal.”

“Fine.” Carly shoved off the stool. “You’ll see. He always forgives me. He just went away to think. He’ll come back and remember that he loves me. That he loves Michael. And I’ll tell him about this. He’ll never forgive you.”

Sonny watched her stomp out, then picked up his drink again. “Another risk I’m willing to take.”

“Well, I see you’ve made my niece very unhappy,” Luke said dryly as he appeared from the door behind the bar. He came forward and looked at the pages, the photos Carly had left behind. His quick mind put it all together, and he looked at Sonny. “This why Morgan left?”

“No. Not why. But it’s at the root of how it all went wrong.” Sonny slid it all back into the torn envelope. “You hear from Elizabeth or Jason?”

“No, but Laura has.” Luke poured himself a whiskey. “They’re still in Oregon. Doing a tourist thing, I guess. Laura said Elizabeth sounded all right. Don’t know if or when they’re coming back.” He nodded at the papers. “That part of your plan to smooth the way?”

“Carly’s entire worldview is built around Jason coming back and forgiving her because he loves Michael. She’s not going to like that Jason is creating a new family. One that actually belongs to him and can’t be taken away on a whim,” Sonny bit out. “When that foundation crumbles, Carly is going to lash out. I don’t know if Jason and Elizabeth are coming back soon, but Elizabeth loves Laura too much to stay gone forever. And Jason’s grandmother and sister are still here. I plan to do what I can to make that possible.”

“Well, let’s hope you’ve got Caroline on a leash.” Luke lifted the whiskey to his lips. “I’ve seen her destruction before, and Barbara’s still picking up those pieces. I don’t want to see Liz get hurt.”

“Carly knows the deal. She breaks it, I’ll destroy her world.”

Tillamook, Oregon

Oceanside Ocean Front Cabins: Cabin 22

Jason made some calls once they arrived in town, and he was relieved to find another place to stay with a kitchen. He made a note to look into other places along Highway 101 — if Elizabeth wanted to take more time before they returned to Port Charles, he wanted to be sure that anywhere they went, they wouldn’t be relying on fast food or convenience stores.

He carried their duffel bags into the room, setting them both on the bed, then looked back as Elizabeth came in behind him to look at the view. It wasn’t as close to the beach or nearly as good a view as they’d had before, but it was still close to the water.

He saw Elizabeth turn away from the window to look at the bed. The single double bed. The room wasn’t very large, but now it felt like it was dominated by the bed between them. When he’d made his calls, he hadn’t asked about two beds. He hadn’t done that in Manzanita, either.

Was that why she’d been prickly all week? Why there had been that strange tension that hadn’t dissipated even after they’d cleared some of the air on Sunday? Was Elizabeth angry or uncomfortable that he’d assumed a relationship that she didn’t want—Jason swallowed hard, his fingers falling away from the strap on his duffel. He realized now he’d never considered the fact that maybe Elizabeth didn’t want a future that included him as more than a father to their child.

He’d just assumed—

Jason cleared his throat. “I—I didn’t—I’m sorry. I should have asked for a place with another bed.”

Elizabeth drew her brows together. “What?”

“It’s just—at the last hotel, it didn’t seem to matter—” He needed to stop the words falling out of his mouth. What was he doing? “I just— I thought—”

“You thought what?” Elizabeth asked when he stopped talking. She tipped her head, her eyes quizzical. “I told you, Jason. I’m fine. If I wanted another bed, I’d have asked for—” Some of the color faded from her cheeks “Did you—I mean, do you want another—”

“No!” Jason wanted to cut out his own tongue. Why did everything he said these days feel like the wrong thing? “No. This is fine. I just—”

“This is insane,” Elizabeth muttered, dragging her hands down her cheeks, then through her hair. “We’re just tip-toeing around each other, and every time we talk about anything more than the scenery for more than five minutes, we start arguing. Why?” He saw a shimmer of tears in her eyes. “Why can’t we just go back to how things used to be?”

He nearly told her he didn’t know, but it was a lie. “Because there’s no going back.” Their eyes met. “Because things used to be that we ran into each other sometimes at Kelly’s or on the docks, and we talked. I’d give you a ride home sometimes.”

“In the studio then. When I was taking care of you. We were practically living together—”

“I was hurt,” Jason told her gently. “And you were fighting everyone who walked through the door. Elizabeth—” He paused, but he’d promised himself he wouldn’t lie. He wouldn’t hold back. “You wanted to give us both time to let this sit — but it’s been a week. And every time I bring up the baby, you start an argument.”

She closed her eyes. “I know I do that. I don’t mean to—”

“Even right now you want to turn back the clock to when things were easier. That’s never going to happen. Because it was easier when you were just my friend.” His chest seized. “Or maybe that’s what you want us to do. To just be friends.”

“I didn’t say that—” Her mouth trembled. “I don’t—I don’t know. It’s all so hard. And I just want it to stop. You keep pushing me, and I keep telling you I’m not ready—”

“Fine.” Jason put up a hand and she closed her mouth. “I’ll stop pushing. No matter what I do, I’m wrong.” He raked his hand through his hair. “I’ll go out and find something for dinner.”

“Jason—”

“I’ll be back.”

He left her standing in the bedroom, tears staining her cheeks. He was tired of always being wrong, of always feeling like he was going too fast or asking too much. What was the point of her being here if she didn’t want to talk about anything important for more than a few minutes?

——-

She’d done it again. Jason had even given her a perfect opening to talk about their relationship — and Elizabeth had completely blown it and sent him away.

Again.

Of course she didn’t want to go back to being just friends. She wanted so much more—she wanted to be with him—just like that night at the penthouse or at the house—she wanted to curl up in his arms and let herself believe it was real—

But it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Because as amazing as those nights were, Jason had still left. She’d told him to go—but he’d stayed gone. Had she thought he’d never come back? What had she expected that night in January? She’d all but begged him for a night together like he was going off to war and might never come home.

He’d left her. It didn’t matter that she’d known it was a good idea, or that he’d needed to go. He’d gone. Just like Lucky. Her grandparents. Her parents. Both her siblings. Everyone left her, eventually. Willingly or unwillingly.

And sure, he’d thought about her a few times. Had sent a few postcards. But he’d called Sonny and Emily. He’d found the willpower to stay away and not hear her voice for two months. And he’d still be gone if she hadn’t tracked him down.

The tears slid down her cheeks as she sank onto the bed. He was excited about being a father, but Elizabeth couldn’t trust—couldn’t let herself believe that he was also excited about being back with her, too. This was such a mistake. This entire trip. What had she expected—a few days and he’d declare his undying love?

Elizabeth scrubbed at her face. When he came back, she’d throw in the towel. There was no point in dragging this out. They might as well go back to Port Charles and reality. If he was going to end up resenting her, better to get it over with.

But first she was going to wash her face. She looked at the nearly identical black duffel bags and unzipped the side pouch of the closest to her, expecting to find her toiletry bag—but instead found a stash of postcards. She snatched her hand back, realizing this was Jason’s bag, not hers—but—

Postcards.

She glanced over her shoulder like a guilty child, then pulled the stack out, sitting on the bed as she sorted through them.

Elizabeth frowned at the one on top — from Cannon Beach, a place they’d passed earlier. He’d written her address, but nothing else. There were two other blank ones from the same place. Then from Astoria—where she knew he’d sent that last card.

But here were more from the same place, half written.

I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to stop. If I let you go—

But I have to. You deserve more than this. And maybe I do, too. I miss you. I will never stop missing you.

But there’s nothing left to say. I can’t stay, and you can’t go. Nothing has changed in three months.

Her breath caught at the card he hadn’t sent her, then at the rest of the stack. There were cards from South Dakota and Texas, all dated after that trip he’d made to Port Charles. After she’d asked him to stop sending them.

And before that—the cards from Arizona and New Orleans and Miami—for every card he’d sent, there were three or four more he hadn’t. And cards dated from places she hadn’t known about. Two from Alabama, three from Utah—

Most had some sort of message, all variations of how much he missed her, and wished he could come back—

So many places. So many of them half-scribbled one, others with nothing more than her name and a date. Elizabeth tried to put them in order, but she couldn’t—there were three or four for each date—the tears spilling down her cheeks as she realized what these postcards meant.

He’d left Port Charles, but he’d meant it when he said thought about her all the time. Nearly every day. Everywhere he went. Her fingers were shaking as she found another postcard where he’d written about missing her. Thinking about that night and how he’d never wanted it to end.

She heard the door open, and she tried to gather them back in a stack to shove them back into the bag, but Jason was already through the door, in mid-sentence by the time she realized it.

“Hey, I think we need—” He stopped, stared at her. At the postcards in her lap and over the bed. Then back at her.

Do you remember not long ago?
When we used to live for the night time
Cherish each moment
Now we don’t live we exist
We just run through our lives
So alone
That’s why you’ve got to hold me
– Hold Me, Savage Garden

---

Sunday, April 23, 2000

Manzanita, Oregon: Ocean Inn

Jason woke just as the rays of the sun began to peek around the curtains pulled over the windows, creating streaks of light in their hotel room. He was laying on his stomach, his head turned away from the window, towards Elizabeth still sleeping deeply beside him. She’d curled up on her side, one hand tucked beneath the pillow, the other lying next to him.

He wasn’t sure how long he lay there, memorizing every inch of her face, listening to her slow and even breathing. It had been so strange the night before. After the phone call with Emily, they’d gone out to get something to eat, and the conversation had been stilted as she picked at her pizza, and he wondered if he should have found a place with a better menu. Shouldn’t she be eating fresh food? More fruits? Or something. He hadn’t really been around anyone who was pregnant.

They’d never had trouble talking to one another—from the moment he’d shoved that jerk away from her in Jake’s and she’d lit into him about stepping in when she hadn’t asked for help, there had never been an uncomfortable moment. Or a tense silence.

She was still in Oregon because they needed time to figure things out. To let the reality sink in. Just a few weeks ago, she’d told him she couldn’t go—and he’d been almost as sure that he couldn’t stay. And now—

Now he didn’t know where either of them stood or if he could be certain she wasn’t staying because of the baby. Because she felt obligated to him after all their conversations about Michael. And he had to admit to himself she wasn’t wrong to wonder—would he return to Port Charles because he felt the pressure to do what was right, what was expected?

Elizabeth’s breathing changed, grew a bit shorter, more shallow, and she shifted, burrowing her face into the pillow as she shifted through the layers of waking. “Too much sun,” she muttered, rolling away from the window, onto her belly. She sighed, then twisted her head to face him, her eyes little more than slits of blue. “Hey,” she mumbled. “What time…”

“Almost seven,” he said. He rolled onto his side, propped himself up on his elbow. “Do you want something to drink? Water?”

“Ugh.” Elizabeth ground the heels of her hands into her eyes, then slowly sat up, her hair tangled and mussed. “No. I—” She stifled a yawn. “No. Wait.” She cleared her throat. “Yes. Actually, I’m starving.” Her cheeks flushed and she looked at him. “I’m never hungry in the morning.”

Jason’s smile was small as he sat up as well. “I remember. But maybe…”

“Maybe because I’m…” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I’m eating for two,” she said slowly. “That feels so strange to say,” she murmured. She rested a hand on her belly which, to his eyes, didn’t look any different than it had when he’d seen her last. “But I am.”

“I’ll go get something to eat,” he offered. “What do you want?”

“I—” She furrowed her brow. “Sausage. And bacon. Waffles. Or maybe pancakes. I don’t know. Everything.”

He didn’t really know how to fill that request—he’d been thinking about grabbing something at the fast food place he’d seen as they’d checked in the night before. “I don’t think Burger King has waffles.”

“No, probably not.” Elizabeth swung her legs over the side. “But wasn’t there a diner or something we passed?”

“Yeah.”

“They’ll have breakfast.” She yawned again and padded over to the bathroom. “I’ll get a shower, unless you want to get one first. You’re faster.”

“No, you go ahead.”

She didn’t protest again, only grabbed a few things from the duffel she’d left next to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Jason found himself grinning at her sudden urge to eat everything—and then it faded slightly. She was really pregnant. They were really having a child together.

He was going to be a father again. No, he corrected himself. He was already a father — he wasn’t going to sit back and let Elizabeth go through any of this alone. After they went to the diner, he’d find a bookstore and buy one of the books she mentioned.

He wanted—needed—to know everything.

Spencer House: Living Room

Laura smiled when she saw Bobbie on the other side of the door. “Well, this is a nice surprise. You just missed Lulu—Luke picked her up to spend the weekend with him—”

“Oh.” Bobbie blinked. “That’s…I don’t know why that surprises me,” she said after a moment. “He always spent so much time with Lucky, but I guess I thought he’d be more unsure what to do with a daughter one-on-one.”

“Well, he’s trying to figure out. And I appreciate him doing it.” Laura closed the door. “Thanks so much for keeping her while we were gone. And—” She paused. “And for not asking a lot of questions, I guess.”

“I know it has something to do with Elizabeth and that she didn’t want a lot of people to know.” Bobbie sat on the sofa. “I’m not going to pry. I just want to know if she’s all right.”

“She is. She’s going to tell you what’s going on,” Laura told her. “As soon as she can. I don’t even think she meant to tell me, except she blurted it out and I happened to be there—”

“She’s been a bit distant with me since Jason left,” Bobbie said with a sigh. “I think because of Carly. She’s angry with Carly for some stunts she pulled, and if she comes around me, Carly usually pops up.”

“I’m sure that’s not it—”

“Well, if it is—I can understand it. I trust that Elizabeth knows where to find me if she needs me—the other thing I wanted to tell you,” Bobbie said, “is that Nikolas stopped by while you were out of town. I’m not sure why since he and I are a bit tense with each other these days.”

“Seems to be a common theme these days.” Laura sat next to Bobbie. “I know he and Elizabeth are in the same boat—”

“It’s different for them,” Bobbie said. “To the best of my knowledge, Elizabeth has cut ties. She’s trying to be civil because of you and Emily—”

“About Christmas? I thought Nikolas planned to apologize—”

“You weren’t there,” Bobbie reminded her. “He made a huge scene and announced to the entire party—which meant most of the town, too—that Jason was sleeping with Elizabeth. It wasn’t true, but even if it was, it wasn’t his business. Even worse, he started a fist fight with Jason—” Bobbie made a face. “She’d hate me for telling you this, but it was even worse. He tried to apologize, but Elizabeth wasn’t feeling forgiving, and Nikolas said some cruel things. He blames Jason for Lucky, Laura. And it’s part of the reason he’s so angry.”

Laura sighed and got to her feet, wandering towards the mantel, feeling restless. “I’ve told him over and over again that Jason and Sonny had nothing to do with it. But he needs someone to blame. That’s the Cassadine in him, I suppose. You said he came by while we were gone?”

“He’d clearly found out that you and Elizabeth had left — and he was looking for information. I told him what you told me—about going to see Emily. I called her last night — Nikolas checked up on the story. Emily covered, but—”

“But,” Laura said with a nod. “I’m sure it doesn’t matter, but I can tell you that Luke and I flew to Oregon because Elizabeth needed to see Jason. We only went to be sure she found him — we didn’t have a firm destination. That’s where she is — with him.”

“Oh.” Bobbie pressed her lips together, absorbed that information. “All right. I assume I’ll hear from her—”

She stopped when they heard the knock at the door, and before Laura could cross the room to open it, Nikolas entered, his smile falling when he saw Bobbie there. “Mother,” he said tightly, closing the door. “I was hoping to see Lulu.”

“She’s with her father,” Laura said. “I’m sorry, I would have told you if you’d called. Saved you a trip—”

“Can’t I see you?” he asked, kissing her cheek, flashing another cool look at Bobbie, who just arched a brow. “How was your trip? You didn’t stay long.”

“Oh, I just wanted to get Elizabeth settled in the city.” Laura took a seat. “And do some shopping. Elizabeth is staying with Emily for a while. Getting a change of scenery.”

“And Luke helped?” Nikolas said pleasantly. A shiver slid down Laura’s spine. “I noticed he wasn’t around.”

“I couldn’t tell you where Luke was. The divorce is nearly final,” Laura replied, her voice steady. “We’re not in each other’s pockets. I’m sorry for the short notice, I suppose Elizabeth felt a bit lonely and wanted to see Emily.”

“I’m sure that’s all it is.” Nikolas finally looked at Bobbie. “I’ve spoken with my father. Apparently, you’re concerned for me.” His tone suggested her worry was unwelcome.

“I’ve don’t like the behavior I’ve seen the last few months—”

“You mean you don’t like that I’m the only one with the courage to take Elizabeth to task for what she’s done,” Nikolas snapped out. He got to his feet. “Jason nearly got her killed on New Year’s—you were there—it wasn’t enough that his life took my brother, it has to put Elizabeth in the grave, too?”

“Elizabeth is an adult, capable of making her own decisions.” Bobbie rose. “And Lucky’s death was a tragic accident. Shame on you for using it this way, for doing this in front of your mother—”

“Shame on you for encouraging Elizabeth,” Nikolas retorted. “For making her think what she’s done is right. Will she have to end up like me before you see the danger? Choking on her own blood in a parking lot?”

Laura stepped between them. “Please don’t—”

“No. No!” Nikolas repeated when his mother took his arm. “I won’t pretend. I won’t be like everyone else with their head in the sand. He’s a killer, Mother. He took advantage of Elizabeth, and you’re just letting it happen—”

“It’s not that simple—”

“I should have known you wouldn’t take my side.” He stalked the door. “You’re still choosing everyone over me—”

Nikolas slammed the door, the glass pane rattling in his wake. Bobbie exhaled slowly and looked at her sister-in-law. “He’s just trying to make you feel guilty—”

“It worked,” Laura said, sinking back onto the sofa, her expression troubled. “He’s not wrong, Bobbie—”

“Laura—”

“About Lucky, yes. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wish Elizabeth had chosen anyone else. I’ve had a lifetime living on the fringes of this life.” Laura sighed. “I’ll respect her choice. I’ll support it. Haven’t I already? But it’s hard to be angry at Nikolas when he’s only speaking the truth. He nearly died because of Jason. And that bomb—”

“It’s not our choice to make. Or our risk to take,” Bobbie said. She sat down, took Laura’s hand. “All we can do is love her.”

“If I have to bury one more—if either of us have to bury another child that we love,” Laura told her, thinking of BJ, “I don’t know if I can handle it.”

“I’m not sure either,” Bobbie replied. “But you said it best. We’ll support her. We’ll love her, and we’ll hope the universe swings in our favor. For once.”

Manzanita, Oregon

Ocean Inn: Deck

Breakfast had gone well, Elizabeth decided, and she’d almost felt hopeful again, as she had the day before when they’d pulled over on the highway, and they’d talked for a few minutes about the baby and had seemed to be on the same page. Maybe the awkwardness had only been because they were in a room with a bed, and neither really knew what to do with that.

She nearly convinced herself that it was just that — lingering tension over the uncertain nature of their relationship. Jason had gone again, wanting to take a ride through some of the surrounding hills. She’d almost joined him, but she’d felt a bit queasy, so instead, she’d grabbed a sketch pad, her box of colored pencils and curled up on one of the chairs on the deck overlooking the ocean.

The sun was high over the sky when Jason appeared at the terrace door. Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder. “Hey. How was the ride?”

“Good.” He sat on the other chair. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. I think maybe I overdid it on the waffles at breakfast. I felt better after some lunch.” She drew her legs up onto the chair, folding them and perching the sketchbook on her lap. “There’s a grocery store a few blocks away that had some soup and sandwiches. I grabbed some for you.”

“Soup?” he echoed with a lift of his lips into a half smile. “What kind?”

Elizabeth smirked. “I nearly grabbed cream of broccoli, but I figured you’d prefer minestrone.” She tipped her head as he reached into a bag and pulled out a book. “You went shopping?”

“I passed a bookstore on my way back in.” He held up the cover which showed a woman with her arms wrapped around a pregnant belly. “I told you I wanted to get one.”

“You did,” Elizabeth murmured, her stomach fluttering. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. “I’ve never really been around anyone who was pregnant,” she said. “You, um, you knew Carly, though, right?”

“Sort of. But I didn’t really get involved until a few weeks before Michael was born.” Jason flipped through the book, and she was relieved when his tone stayed even. As if they weren’t talking about the reason he’d left Port Charles in the first place. “She was only staying with me a few days before she went into labor. Not really enough time to think about it.” He looked up, their eyes meeting. “Besides, it’s different. I—I want to be here. To know what’s going on.”

“Me, too. I’m lucky, I guess. I found out really early. Like, almost as soon as you can,” Elizabeth continued. “I’m just about four weeks along.”

Jason thumbed through until he found that page. “In week 4,” he read, “the placenta and amniotic sac is starting to form. The fetus is 1 millimeter long — about the size of a poppy seed.”

“A poppy seed?” she repeated. She put her sketch pad aside and went into the room, to the kitchenette where she’d stored the other half of her sandwich. She returned to the deck, her hand outstretched, a small black poppy seed in her palm. “That’s crazy.”

Jason took the seed carefully from her, almost if it as actually the baby itself and stared at it for a long moment. “It almost doesn’t seem possible,” he admitted, “that a baby grows from something this small.” He set it down on the small table next to the chair and looked back at the book. “It says you should make sure you’re getting a lot of vitamin D. Sunlight, milk, egg yolk, and orange juice.”  He paused. “And healthy fats from fish.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her noise. “Ugh, I hate fish. Isn’t there something else I can do? Anything else?”

“There are vitamins. We can find some—” He hesitated, then looked at her. “It says this is a good time to make an appointment. For the first ultrasound.”

“Oh, well, I went to Planned Parenthood to get a confirmation last week. Just to be sure I didn’t get a false positive since it was so early—” Elizabeth picked up her sketch pad. “I still have a few weeks, and it’s not like I have to worry about a waiting list. Bobbie can get me in, I think.”  When she realized Jason hadn’t said anything, she looked at him again. “What?”

“We can go back,” Jason told her. “I know you said you wanted some more time, but—” He looked back down at the book. “There’s this list of food to avoid, and if we’re always eating out, it’ll be harder—”

“I do want more time. More than just twenty-four hours. Jason, we just got here.” Her chest tightened. “I thought we both agreed—”

“We did. It’s just—” Jason closed the book, set it aside, then dragged a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what’s going to change in a few more days or weeks, and you should be close to a doctor—”

Elizabeth bristled. “Do you think I’m not taking care of myself? I know prenatal care is important—”

“I didn’t say that—”

“I’m not stopping you from going back to Port Charles,” Elizabeth said flatly, and he closed his mouth. “I never was. It wasn’t even just my idea for you to go in the first place, and you know that—you were already going to leave—”

He grimaced, and she saw the muscles in his face shift, his jaw clenching. “But you were the one who told me not to stay a month ago,” he reminded her. “I wanted to—”

“I was scared—” Her throat closed, and Elizabeth looked away, out over the ocean as she tried to pull herself back together. “I was scared you’d stay for a while, and then you’d leave again, and it would all be worse. But you also wrote me a week ago you weren’t ready to come home.”

Jason dipped his head. “I know. And I meant it.”

“I’m not stopping you from going back,” she repeated. “You want to go back? We’ll go right now. Portland’s, what, two hours from here? Let’s go right now—” She shoved herself to her feet, and Jason rose as well. “Let’s go—”

“Why are you so mad at me?” he demanded as he followed her inside, watching as she stalked over to the phone. “If you’re not stopping me, then what is this? You’re angry because I want to go back—”

“I’m not angry—” Elizabeth closed her hand around the cell phone, not even sure who she’d call or how to book a flight from a phone anyway. She turned around to look at him, his expression as miserable as she felt. “I’m not angry,” she said again. “I just…you didn’t want to go home a week ago. You meant it. You still do. You weren’t ready.”

“But it’s my choice, isn’t it?” Jason said, his tone stiff. “My mistake to make—”

“It’s not just you anymore,” she shot back. “You’re going back because I’m pregnant—you’re changing your whole life because—” Elizabeth stopped abruptly as Jason stalked across the room, towards the door. “Where are you going?” she asked, hating how her voice sounded. How the words shook, and she wanted to crawl inside herself, despising how she’d picked a fight when he’d been so excited talking about the baby. “Jason—”

“I’m just—” He turned back at the door. “I’m taking a walk,” he told her gently. “I get it. I told you I couldn’t come home. I don’t know how to make this okay. I just—I need to think, okay? I don’t want to argue.”

“I don’t either—”

“So I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back.”

He didn’t slam the door as he left, but he might as well have. Tears stung her eyes and slid down her cheeks. She’d ruined everything. Just like she always did.

Manzanita Beach

Jason left his boots just outside the door and crossed the few yards until he was on the beach. He missed the water — not just in Port Charles, but the private beaches on the island where he could sit and listen to the surf for hours without running into a single person.

The sand here was hard, and his feet didn’t sink down the way they did on the island, but it was as good as it was going to get. He walked until he’d nearly reached the water, then started to walk along the shoreline.

He didn’t know how they’d started fighting or why it was such a crime to suggest that the mother of his child should be safe at home, in the city where she’d insisted that she needed to be. Close to doctors and with a kitchen to cook healthy food. He shoved his hands into his pockets, angry at himself for thinking it would be simple. He’d seen that stupid book and thought if they could just talk about the baby, it would be the bridge back to how things used to be.

It had always been so easy to talk to Elizabeth before. Effortless. From the moment they’d connected in Jake’s, he’d talked to her about Michael, how losing the little boy had ripped him apart, and how hard it was to see him. And he’d talked about Robin—something he hadn’t really been able to do for months. It had never been difficult to open his mouth, to say what he needed to, to just be open and honest with her.

Even after he’d been shot, after Christmas, after the bomb, it had been hard to have some of those conversations, but he’d still managed it. And it hadn’t felt awkward. It hadn’t felt wrong. But now talking to Elizabeth felt like talking to Robin in those final days, like being around Sonny. His skin felt too tight, like it was stretched too thin, and he was fighting to burst out—

Jason paused and turned back towards the ocean, focusing on the horizon, where the Pacific disappeared into the sky. Listening to the waves as they crashed against each other, the steady way the water hit the land, then receded as another wave took its place. Over and over again, one wave would hit, then draw the water back out—it was reliable. Consistent.

He’d once felt that way. Even when the world around him had been strange and chaotic, he’d always had a piece of himself inside that felt certain. No matter what emotion had roiled through him the four years since the accident, Jason had always felt sure of himself. He said what he wanted, did what he wanted, and acted on his instincts, trusting that they would steer him well. They’d brought him a relationship with Robin, a job with Sonny—two pieces of his life that had defined him—and those instincts had agreed to Carly’s lie, to bring Michael into his life.

But they’d also led him to sleep with Carly and hurt Robin, to take Sonny’s orders literally and hurt Brenda on his behalf—to let Carly in his life so he could keep Michael—

He’d lost that certainty, that confidence that he could handle himself—that no matter what life threw at him, he knew who he was, and that was all that mattered. Had it been when he’d stood back as his relationship with Robin deteriorated, when he’d swallowed Carly’s excuses for running to AJ—when he’d walked into the penthouse, pain searing his side, and watched Carly saunter down the stairs, wearing nothing but Sonny’s shirt, buttons barely holding it closed—

Jason dragged his hands over his face. His instincts had taken a nosedive since the moment he’d fallen in love with Michael. Since he’d decided being a father was more important than anything else in his life. More important than Robin’s dignity, than their love, than Jason’s own self-respect as he’d let Carly manipulate him into waiting out her marriage—

And now, he was doing it again. The fear of not being a good father, not being enough was making him push Elizabeth further and faster than she was ready for. She’d wanted time for both of them to settle with all of this, and he was demanding they throw that plan out less than a day after they’d started. Because he believed the best place for Elizabeth was at home, in Port Charles, surrounded her family, near doctors she trusted. But Elizabeth didn’t want to do it that way. She didn’t want him to come back.

He didn’t know how to wrap his mind around that truth. Around that fact that he’d walked away from Elizabeth twice, had told her repeatedly he couldn’t function in Port Charles, and now he had to face the consequences of that choice. She didn’t trust him to stay. Or maybe, he finally admitted to himself, she didn’t want him to.

Jason dragged himself back to the motel, his steps slowing when he saw a familiar figure sitting on one of the benches that edged the area where the road curved away from the beach and towards the town. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Elizabeth slid down—towards the left side and he sat on the right side. Just like at home. She’d put on a sweater—the sun was dipping towards the horizon, he realized. He must have been walking longer than he thought. “I’m sorry,” she began.

“No, I am.” Jason looked at her, hoping she’d turn her face towards him, to meet his eyes. She did finally, though her expression was guarded. “You asked for time. And I didn’t give it. I just…I want to do this right. I want to take care of you. Of both of you.”

“I know that.” Her eyes softened. “I know. I never doubted that.”

He cleared his throat, broke the gaze to look back at the ocean, thinking again of those waves. Relentlessly crashing against the sand. Over and over again, like a machine that couldn’t be a broken. “But you’re not wrong. I don’t know if I’m ready go home. I don’t even know what it would feel like to be ready,” he admitted. “I want to do the right thing. But I don’t know what that is anymore. Or if I ever did. I used to think—” He exhaled slowly, considering his words. “I used to think that all I had to do was tell the truth. To always say what I was thinking. To be honest, even if it could be seen as brutal or cruel. I didn’t want to be a liar, to use people. The Quartermaines did that, that’s who they were, and I didn’t want that for my life.”

Jason rubbed the heel of his hand against his heart, feeling the tightness there easing. “I used to think Jason Quartermaine—who I used to be—I used to think he was an idiot. Or weak for putting up with all of that. For twisting himself around to be what they wanted. For getting into a car with a drunk because he thought he could save him.” He forced himself to continue even over the lump in his throat. “I thought I was so much better than him because I was living my own life, and no one was going to tell me what to do. To use me.”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands, as he stared hard at the sand beneath his bare feet. “But I’m still that same man. I destroyed my life to keep the chance of having Michael again. I told myself it was worth it, and maybe it was. I don’t know. But I forgot, I think, what it meant that he wasn’t mine. Not by blood, which was all that mattered. I let Carly use me, push me around because I wanted him back.” Tears burned his eyes. “I wanted my son back. And that dream didn’t die until I saw her come down those stairs in his shirt. Not because I loved her. I didn’t. I lied to myself. I told myself whatever I had to because I needed to believe I could have him back again. But that night, I realized she would always have all the power. She was no better than the Quartermaines, and I was still the weak idiot who’d ruined his own life.”

And there was the truth of the matter. Going home to Port Charles meant finally confronting the reality of not being Michael’s father, not ever again, and Jason wasn’t ready for that.

“I don’t know what a few more weeks is going to change,” Elizabeth said finally, and he looked at her. “I just…if this baby didn’t exist, we’d both be right where we were a month ago. You couldn’t stay, and I didn’t think I could go. I think maybe we’re both closer to changing that than we were. But it feels true for both of us. You can’t come home,” she said, and he nodded, his mouth tightening. “And I still…” She bit her lip. “I still think it’s where I want to be. I don’t want us to make choices because I’m pregnant.”

“But the baby is a reality,” Jason pressed. He sat back, his arm stretched out over the back of the bench. “And there are some decisions we can’t push away forever.”

“I know.” She slid down until their bodies were brushed against her and she leaned her head against his shoulder. He curled his arm around her, pressing his lips to her head. “But maybe just for a little while longer.”

A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I’ve cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again
– Again, Janet Jackson

---

Friday, April 21, 2000

Riverwalk Inn: Parking Lot

Jason didn’t want to put Elizabeth down, didn’t want to let her go—didn’t know how much he’d needed to see her until he’d turned and she’d been running towards him, her hair flying like a streamer behind her—

But he’d driven for three hours, his mind swirling with an uncomfortable mixture of panic and relief. Why had she come all this way—why were Luke and Laura with her—

Finally, Jason set her down but didn’t let her get that far. He cupped her cheeks, his thumbs gently wiping away her tears. “Hey,” he managed, his own voice a bit rough. A bit hoarse.

“Hey.” Elizabeth smiled, wrapped her hands around his. They just stared at each other for a long moment, but then she cleared her throat, stepped back. Their hands fell to their sides. “Um, you probably have some questions.”

“A few,” he acknowledged. He looked around, then frowned. “Emily said the Spencers were with you—”

“Oh—” She wiped at her face again. “That was just in case you weren’t still in Astoria. They were going to help track you down. Which sounds crazy, I guess.” She folded her arms. “This—I’ve been thinking about this for days, and now you’re front of me, and I can’t seem to get my mind moving.” She pressed her hands to her face. “I don’t know how to start this.”

“Are you sick?” Emily hadn’t denied it. What if— “Is that why you—”

“Oh, no. No.” Elizabeth stepped forward, her eyes searching his. “No. It’s—no one’s dying. I promise.” She bit her lip, then closed her eyes. “What I wouldn’t give to be back at home, on the bench at the docks. Or in the studio. You know. I’m insane—”

“You’re not.” He understood exactly what she meant. Whatever she’d traveled all the way here to say—it didn’t feel right to do it in a parking lot. “There’s—there’s a marina on the other side of the motel. Some benches. It’s not exactly Elm Street—”

“But you said it reminded you of it. Okay. Okay. Let’s go talk there.”

He took her hand and silently, they walked down past the small strip of buildings that adjoined motel and towards the marina, the asphalt changing into weathered boards beneath their feet. The marina here was small, and there was just the one bench. It was more cramped than back home, but as soon as he sat next to her —

It felt like home. He turned slightly so that their bodies were facing, and braced himself for whatever had brought her across the country.

---

Elizabeth slid a piece of hair behind her ear, listening as the water gently lapped against the docks, the sound of the boats bobbing—The view might not be the same as back home, but the sounds—

And listening to it next to Jason — it gave her the courage to start the conversation even though she had no idea where it would go.

“I’ve been looking for you for a week,” Elizabeth told him. “Well, not me. I didn’t really know how to start. Sonny and Luke helped. And then the postcard came this morning—”

“I’m sorry about it—” Jason winced. “Did you come all this way because of that? To tell me again to stop—I won’t do it—”

“No—” Elizabeth slid closer. “No. Thank God you contacted me. That you called Emily. I don’t know if I could have made it another week without—Jason, I’m pregnant.”

He stared at her, his eyes widening. “What—I don’t—you’re pregnant?” he repeated.

“I found out last Friday. I did a test—and then the clinic confirmed it yesterday. And I hope I don’t have to tell you that you’re—”

“No, of course not.” Jason scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know what I expected you to say,” he admitted. “But it definitely wasn’t that.”

“No, I guess not.” She bit her lip. It was out there now, but neither of them seem to know what to say. For a long moment, it was just the sounds of the docks again, water lapping gently against the wood.  Was he waiting for her? Was it her situation to take charge of? Probably, she thought. She was the one who had to carry the baby. But—

“Whatever you need or want from me,” Jason said suddenly, breaking into her thoughts. She looked at him, their eyes meeting. “You’ve got it.”

Whatever you need or want—she let the words roll around in her head. Trying to make sense of them. So if Elizabeth wanted him to come home, he’d do it? If she needed money for doctors — it was the exact right thing to say, except—

Except it didn’t tell her anything about him. And what he needed or wanted. She swallowed hard. “I don’t know anything yet. Except—” She laced her fingers together in her lap, looked away from him, towards the water. The land in the distance. “I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“Obligated—”

“You told me, you wrote me—” She took a deep breath. “That you’re not ready to come home. And I want to respect that, Jason. I want you to be happy.”

“That was before—”

“Before you knew. I know.” Elizabeth forced a smile. “I know. And it’s okay. I told—I told you about my mother. She had that fellowship and she had to turn it down because of me. She spent the next fourteen years resenting me for taking that opportunity. For making her unhappy—”

“That was never your fault—”

“I know that—” She stopped. Took a deep breath. “I know that. But a child doesn’t understand. I know I didn’t then. I don’t blame me for being born. I blame my father for marrying someone who didn’t want children and convincing her to have them anyway. I blame my mother for not standing up for what she really wanted back then. For waiting. She finally went after it. With Doctors Without Borders, and she’s out there changing the world now. She’s doing really important work, and I don’t blame her for not loving me.”

“You think I wouldn’t—”

“I know you would,” Elizabeth cut in quickly. “You would. You’re an amazing father, and I know—but you’d come home, and it would be like last month or back in January. Like you were choking—”

“Don’t tell me how I’ll feel—” Jason bit out, anger lacing his tone, and she closed her mouth. He winced. “I’m sorry—”

“I’m messing this up. I knew I would.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Don’t—” Jason stopped abruptly, and she looked at him. “You’re not wrong,” he said finally. “About going home. I didn’t feel ready when I wrote that card, and I don’t know if I feel ready right now. But you just told me and I don’t even know if you want to keep the baby—”

“Oh.” She bit her lip. “I don’t—I’ve thought about it, I guess. I just don’t know what to do. Which makes it worse that I’m telling you what to do.”

“You’re not.” Jason got to his feet, held out a hand and pulled her up. “Emily said you’ve been traveling all day—”

“And you just drove for three hours,” she added.

“Yeah. Maybe we both need some sleep.” Jason looked over towards the mote. “You said Luke checked in? Maybe I can sleep on his floor—”

“That’s silly,” she murmured, and he frowned at her. “We’ve shared a bed, Jason. And even if you don’t want that, I have a sofa. Okay? We don’t have to hide from each other. Unless you don’t want to—”

“No, that’s fine.” He squeezed her hand, his gaze softening. “Hey. We’ll figure this out, okay?”

“Okay.” She didn’t feel that confident personally, but at least one them did.

Riverwalk Inn: Parking Lot

Laura was standing by the bike when they approached the motel. “I was hoping this belonged to you,” she said to Jason with a smile as they approached. “I see Elizabeth found you.”

“She did. Uh, thanks for coming out here. To help find me.” Jason shifted, a bit uncomfortable, and Elizabeth reminded that Laura hadn’t been around Jason since the fire the year before.

“I’d do anything for her,” Laura said. “Well, since I’m not needed—”

“I’m in Room 113,” Elizabeth said, handing Jason the key. “You can get your things. Um, I wanted to talk to Laura about something.”

“Sure.” Jason retrieved his things, then disappeared up the stairs. Elizabeth waited until he was out of earshot before looking at Laura. “I messed it up.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t so bad—” Laura began, but Elizabeth shook her head.

“No, I did exactly what we talked about not doing. I started in on how I didn’t want the baby to be an obligation, and I know I hurt him—”

“Honey—” Laura put her hands on Elizabeth’s shoulders. “Slow down.”

“I don’t know why I did that. I didn’t mean to. It’s just—he wasn’t saying anything, and then when he did, it was about doing what I needed, and it just sort of broke my brain, and then I was off—” She closed her eyes. “I don’t know why I do that. Why I had to start giving him escape plans when he didn’t even ask for one.”

“You’re scared of being hurt.” Laura smoothed Elizabeth’s hair. “I’m sure he is, as well. Where did you leave it?”

“Um.” Elizabeth  bit her lip. “We agreed to stop talking because it wasn’t going anywhere and get some sleep. So—”

“So that makes sense. I’ll go let Luke know you met up with Jason, and I’ll see you in the morning.” She kissed Elizabeth’s cheek, and they started towards the stairs, and their rooms.

Elizabeth’s Room: Bathroom

Jason splashed water on his face, then leaned over the sink, staring down at the porcelain. Elizabeth was pregnant.

She was pregnant.

And he’d sent her a postcard, babbling about he didn’t want to go home. He scowled at his own reflection, yanking a thin towel from the rack on the wall to dry his face. If he hadn’t sent that card, would she have started talking about obligations—

And what if she was right? What if he went home, and nothing had changed? What if he felt like Port Charles was still suffocating him? Christ, what terrible thing would Carly do when she found out?

Could Jason go back without going to work for Sonny again? Did he want to work for Sonny—

There were too many thoughts running around—not surprising since his world had shifted on it axis. Nothing had really changed about how Jason felt in his head, but all his reasons for leaving seemed small in comparison to what had just happened.

Elizabeth was pregnant with his child, and she seemed like she was leaning towards keeping it. And she lived in Port Charles. She’d made that clear. If he wanted to be with his child all the time—and he did—then he needed to go back.

But she wasn’t wrong to worry about what that meant. He just didn’t have the answers.

He heard the door to the room open, and he switched off the bathroom light, going into the larger room. Elizabeth stood at the window overlooking the marina.

“Hey,” he said. She turned to look at him, her eyes hard to see in the dim light. “I’m sorry. I don’t want us to fight.”

“Is that what we were doing?” Elizabeth asked, but she was smiling now. She came towards him, then gestured at the bed. “You were right. I’m exhausted, and you’re probably tired, too. We’ll get some sleep, and maybe it’ll feel clearer in the morning.”

Manhattan, New York

Columbia University: Hartley Hall

Emily dumped her books on the desk and checked her answering machine, hoping for some news. Nothing from her brother or Elizabeth, but her father had called—and so had Nikolas.

She sat on her bed, kicking off her shoes, and dialed Nikolas’s number, feeling a bit guilty that she hoped he wouldn’t pick up. She felt bad that he and Elizabeth were at such odds, and she was carrying this huge secret — but Elizabeth was her best friend, and now she’d be family, no matter how things turned out.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Nikolas! Sorry I missed your call. What’s up?” She crossed her legs on her bed. “How’s Port Charles?”

“Good. Good. I was just calling to see how things were. Finals are coming up, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, I have a few tough exams this. Organic chemistry is going to kick my butt, but I’m managing.” Emily bit her lip. “Is something wrong? You’re not really one for chatting.”

His voice was a bit tense when he spoke again. “I can’t call to check on you?”

“You can. You just usually don’t. I guess I was just worried. Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine. I was just worried about you. Going into finals, having to deal with guests.”

A fishing expedition. She should have known. Emily hadn’t expected to need the cover story, but she wasn’t going to let Elizabeth down. “Laura and Liz are staying at hotel and doing some sight-seeing. I guess she just needed to get away from things. It’s been a lot these last few months. I’m actually going to call them for dinner in a bit.” She paused. “I thought you were going to be civil. That you were trying to make things better.”

“So did I,” Nikolas said, his tone clipped. “But she’s been resistant. I’ll call you later.”

“Sure.” Emily put the phone back on the receiver and considered the call for a long moment before putting it out of her head and starting her homework.

Saturday, April 23, 2000

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Sonny sipped his coffee, then perused the newspaper. He’d hoped that Bobbie would stop by the diner this morning, knowing that she might have heard from Luke or Laura. He didn’t think he’d be getting any updates.

He’d been a means to an end — locate Jason. Not that he even knew if they’d found Jason. Damn it. He hated not knowing things—

“I hope someone pissed in your coffee,” Carly muttered as she sat next to him and snatched up a menu. “You deserve it.”

Sonny rolled his eyes, ignored her. If Benny could come through for him, he’d get his hands on Carly’s prenuptial agreement with AJ. He had a feeling the Quartermaines might have put something in there about infidelity—

He needed some leverage to keep Carly from screwing Jason’s life up if and when he returned to Port Charles. But until he had the information in his hands, he had to keep his cool.

“I don’t suppose you’ve heard from Jason,” Carly said, attempting to act casual. He lifted his coffee, sipped it. She narrowed her eyes. “You have, haven’t he?”

“Hey, Penny.” Sonny folded the paper, leaned forward. “How about an order of pancakes? Side of sausage. I’m feeling hungry.”

“Sure thing, Mr. C,” the waitress chirped. She disappeared into the kitchen.

“I don’t know what games you’re playing,” Carly said, with a huff, “but it’s not working.”

Sonny reached for another section of the paper and tossed it towards her. “You need this more than I do.”

“What—” Carly grabbed it, then hissed at him. “Is this a joke?”

“Nope. Because if you keep harassing me or the people I care about,” Sonny twisted on the stool to look at her. “You can find the strip clubs in the adult category. Should match your skill set.”

“I loathe you.” Carly shoved off the stool, and stalked out. Sonny shrugged, went back to his paper. After breakfast, he’d go back to his penthouse and wait for word.

Riverwalk Inn: Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth emerged from the bathroom, tugging at the cuffs of her sleeves. “It’s still so cold here,” she said as she joined Jason at the window. “Back home, it’s been almost been in the sixties.”

“Yeah, I think it has something do with the currents off the ocean —” Jason offered.

“I’m keeping the baby,” Elizabeth blurted out, cutting him off. She cleared her throat as he stared at her. “I didn’t even know for sure until last night but I know how. I thought about not—because—well, you know all the reasons.” She folded her arms. “But I think I can do this. I want to do this. I just—I didn’t want you to think that choice was on the table. Because it was, but it’s not anymore.”

Jason nodded slowly. “All right.”

“Okay.” She bit her lip. “And I’m sorry—”

“You had a good point last night. About what it would be like if I just went home and I wasn’t ready,” Jason said slowly. “I got angry because I hate that something like that would or could mess up a future for us. For the baby.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes. “I didn’t mean to upset you—”

“But you wanted to be realistic. And I could stand here and promise it would never affect the way I treated you or the baby, but it would be a lie. Because it already did. That day at Sonny’s, when I accused you—” Jason looked back out over the water. “I hurt you, and it was the last thing I wanted. I don’t want you to feel that way again. I don’t want to do it.” He paused. “I just don’t know where that leaves us.”

“I finished my freelance contract,”  Elizabeth said. He focused on her. “So I’ve got some time. I mean, I know I said I couldn’t go with you, but I meant permanently. I think we need more time to figure this out. Away from Port Charles.”

Jason tilted his head. “You’d stay here? With me?”

“A few weeks maybe, I don’t know. We both might need to let this sit for a while. I’ve really only been thinking about whether I wanted to keep the baby and how to tell you. Now—I don’t really know.” She licked her lips, nervous. “Unless you don’t want me to—”

“No, I want it.” He took her hand in his. Their eyes met, and he smiled slightly. “But you’re not driving.”

She laughed, rolled her eyes. “Okay, sure. We’ll see.”

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There’s no one here
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there’s no one around
Watching you, watching me,
One lonely star
– Take a Bow, Madonna

---

Friday, April 21, 2000

Hardy House: Living Room

Elizabeth been locked in this hell for five days — spending her mornings at the house waiting for the mail, and the afternoons at the studio, hoping Jason would call. She knew it was insane — that she couldn’t throw away everything and stop living until they found Jason—

Since the phone company had told them Elizabeth’s plan didn’t save incoming phone calls and only the police could get more information, since the red tape at Emily’s dorm had continued to thwart Luke and Sonny’s contacts—

All they had was waiting on a postcard, another call that might never come, and hope Jason hit an ATM.

“It’s only been a week,” Elizabeth said to Gatsby, her grandmother’s cat who lay curled up on the sofa. He raised his head as if he were actually listening, then yawned and rolled over to return to his nap.

A week since the pregnancy test, and less than twenty-four hours since she’d gone to her appointment at Planned Parenthood to confirm it. She rested her hands on her abdomen, lacing her fingers across. Nothing had changed yet, and if not for the test, a period that was two weeks late and some nausea—

She heard a car in the driveway and raced to the window to see Luke and Laura climbing out. At the same time the postal carrier was walking up to the house, a bundle in his hand. Elizabeth yanked open the door, startling the poor man as he reached towards the mailbox.

“Thank you,” she said breathlessly, flipping through, searching desperately as she had every day since she’d known to expect it.

“We got a hit on the bank—” Luke called as he and Laura reached the porch, but Elizabeth had already dropped the rest of the mail, her heart racing.

“Astoria,” she murmured. She looked at Luke, holding up the postcard. “Is that your lead?”

“Yeah. He hit the ATM in Astoria on Sunday.” Luke stooped to grab the rest of her mail. “Corinthos said that the jet would be waiting when we got to the airstrip. My guy is calling around to find where he stayed, but there’s not a lot of places.”

Elizabeth nodded, and went into the house. “I’m already packed. I wanted to be ready—” She turned the postcard over in her hands, expecting just to see nothing more than her name and address—but the entire side was covered in writing, a bit cramped as if to fit it all—

“Elizabeth—” Laura put her hand on Elizabeth’s shoulders. “Are you all right?”

“Um—” Elizabeth looked at Laura, a bit stunned. “I—”

“Luke, take her bag and put it in the car. We’ll meet you there,” Laura directed Luke who followed the direction without question. When he was gone, Laura nodded at the postcard. “Is it good news?”

“I—I think—” Elizabeth looked down at again. “Port Charles is my home,” she read, a bit breathlessly. “I understand now why you couldn’t leave yet. Why you wanted a place to belong—” She stopped, covered her mouth, closed her eyes. When she could speak again, she continued, “I didn’t until I came here. It’s like Port Charles in some ways, but in the most important, it’s not.”

“He mentioned it reminded him of home—” Laura said.

“There’s no water that stretches forever, and every time I see a bench, I look for you—” Her voice broke on that word. “I look for you to be there. You’re not. You’re thousands of miles away.” She closed her eyes again, thought of Jason on a dock somewhere, staring at a bench, thinking of her. How many times had she done the same? “I can’t come home—” Her heart sank at the rest of the message. “I want to, but I’m not ready yet. I want to ask you wait until I am, but that’s too much to ask. I miss you.”

“Elizabeth—” Laura put her arm around Elizabeth’s shoulder. “He’ll change his mind when you tell him—”

“I’d be no better than Carly if I used a baby to keep him,” Elizabeth said. “He doesn’t want to come back to Port Charles, Laura. And when I tell him, it’s the first thing he’ll do—”

“Elizabeth—”

She swiped at her eyes, then went to tuck the postcard in her purse. “I’m fine. It’s silly to read into this. He doesn’t know about the baby. It’ll be okay.” She turned to Laura. “Let’s get going.”

Davis Penthouse: Living Room

“They found him.”

Alexis sipped her coffee, watching Sonny pace the room. “I thought that would be good news.”

“Yeah, it is. It is.” Sonny stopped, stared at her. “They’re on their way to the airport now. Seven hours to Portland—” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Astoria is another two hours from there—”

Alexis made some notes. “With the time difference, that puts them in place around four this afternoon. That’s not terrible—”

“Jason hit the ATM on Sunday. How do we even know he’s not somewhere else?” Sonny wanted to know. “Five days — he could be in California by now—”

“Sonny—” Alexis sighed. “At least they’ll be on that side of the country. And Luke said that they were going to start driving down the 101 if Jason’s not in Astoria. Ask at some motels. Maybe he stayed a few days somewhere else.”

“Maybe. And then what?” Sonny wanted to know. “Jason will come back to Port Charles, everyone will find out about this baby, and what do you think Carly will do?”

“You know, I’m not really that good at being positive and optimistic,” Alexis said after a moment. “I could call Chloe. She’s better than I am. Sonny, you’ve done everything you can do. We have a last known location. Luke knows how to find people.”

“Yeah, I guess—” Sonny exhaled slowly. “I just—” He looked at Alexis. “I just want him to come home and to be okay, and I don’t know if I get to have both and still be in the picture. I don’t even think I deserve it.” He sank onto the sofa. “He’ll come home the second he finds out Elizabeth is pregnant. You know he will. He would never say it, but I think he always wanted to be a father again. And Carly is going to make his life a living hell. The last time I tried to help him out of that—”

“Well, don’t use your penis this time,” Alexis suggested. His look was scathing, and she made a face. “What? I’m not wrong.”

“No. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to find something else. Some sort of leverage.”

“Yeah, I don’t like where this is going,” Alexis said, but Sonny was already on his feet and out the door, purpose renewed.

Brownstone: Living Room

“And then Mom got a call,” Lulu told Nikolas with a bright smile. “She got very excited, and said that I had to come stay with Aunt Bobbie—”

Nikolas looked at his former aunt, who came in from the kitchen with lunch for Lulu. “Mother didn’t give you any more information than that?” he wanted to know. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

“She said that she was going to take Elizabeth away for a few days,” Bobbie said, with a shrug. “I think maybe they were going to New York to see Emily—”

“Mommy said they might be gone for a while because they might have to drive all the way to California,” Lulu reported, and Bobbie frowned at her niece. “To find what they were looking for.”

“Oh, well, that’s odd,” Bobbie said. But then she shrugged and looked at Nikolas. “She said it might be about a week. It was up in the air—”

“And you didn’t ask any questions?” Nikolas demanded. He fished out his cell phone, intending to call Emily’s dorm and get to the bottom of this. It sounded insane — why would his mother go with Elizabeth to visit Emily? Laura wasn’t even that close to Emily—

“No, I didn’t think I needed to. It’s not my business. I’m happy to look after Lu for a few days, and it’s not like Laura and Elizabeth don’t deserve a break.” Bobbie watched him dial with narrowed eyes. “And why do you care?”

“They could be in trouble,” Nikolas bit out, grimacing when he only reached Emily’s machine. He got to his feet. “I can’t believe you didn’t ask—”

“I can’t believe you care so much,” Bobbie said. “You and Elizabeth aren’t friends anymore, or did you think I forgot about that fight?” she demanded.

“Aunt Bobbie?” Lulu said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nikolas—” She took him by the arm and steered him towards the foyer. “Elizabeth made it very clear that she’s not interested in having you in her life. That means you don’t get to ask questions about where she goes. Drop it.”

“Fine.” Nikolas yanked the door open and stalked down the steps. He knew exactly why Elizabeth and Laura had disappeared—it was about her pregnancy. Maybe they’d found Jason. Or maybe Elizabeth was going out of town for an abortion, worried that someone would find out if she had it here.

Either way, he was going to get to the bottom of it. Lucky deserved for one member of his family to do something right.

Portland, Oregon

Portland International Airport: Arrivals Hall

“All right, Luke is getting our rental car.” Laura set her carry-on down, and unzipped it to pull out anatlas. “We could take US-26 or the Columbia River Highway—both look pretty direct—”

“26,” Elizabeth said, and Laura looked at her. “It feeds into 101. If we need to drive 101 later it might help if we scout some motels now to check.” She folded her arms, looked around the airport. She was so close to finding him, to starting the next step of this journey —

And she still didn’t know what she’d say when they did. She didn’t want a child to be an obligation—he’d come home and he’d be so unhappy—

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then focused on Laura who had marked the page on the atlas and closed it. “Thank you. For doing this. For dropping everything and coming. I hope we’ll find him tonight, but—”

“But we might not,” Laura said with a nod. “I know you’re thinking about the postcard. About what he said.” She stepped closer, took Elizabeth’s hand. “But don’t forget the first part of it. He misses you, sweetheart. He’s looking for you everywhere he goes. That matters.”

“I know. I know it does.” Elizabeth looked past Laura, smiling as Luke approached, keys swinging in his hands. “We’re taking US-26,” she told Luke.

“Smart. We can scout 101.” Luke picked up Elizabeth’s bag. “Let’s hit the road.”

Newport, Oregon

Waves Hotel

Jason had decided to take his time driving down the Oregon coast — he liked the way it curled into bays and inlets. He’d spent so much time inland, in Texas and South Dakota and Arizona — flying through those places in days — but there was something about the Pacific Northwest that made him want to linger.

He’d spent a few days in Cannon Beach, and then had headed south again, stopping in Newport and for the first time since Monday, decided to try Emily again. It was early evening back in New York, and maybe he’d catch her before she went out.

The phone rang twice — and then it connected. “Hello?”

Jason closed his eyes at the sound of his little sister’s voice. “Emily.”

“Jason!” The shriek came through the lines and nearly crackled with static. “Oh my God, oh my God! Finally! I’ve been waiting—” And then her voice broke. “Jason, I miss you, and thank God you called. I can’t believe it’s you—”

“I miss you, too,” Jason told her, smiling at her excitement, glad he’d done this. He should go see to the city to see her. That would be okay — maybe he could take a room for a while somewhere nearby and she could come see him or would that be too close to Port Charles —

“Are you still in Astoria?”

Jason frowned. “Astoria—how did you know I was there—no, I left—”

“Oh, damn it—”

Jason straightened. “Emily, what’s going on?”

“Elizabeth. She’s looking for you. She waited all week to get that stupid postcard you called about, and we were looking everywhere, and she flew out there—she must be on her way to Astoria right now because it was the last place—”

“Elizabeth—wait, I need you to—” Elizabeth was in Oregon. Looking for him? Why—had she changed her mind— “Emily—”

“She said if you weren’t there, they’d drive all of 101 to find you, but you can just—I’ll call her. I’ll tell her where you are and she can meet you there—”

“No. No.” Jason got to his feet. “No. I’m three hours away. She’s—she left this morning?”

“Yeah—” Emily took a deep breath. “Yes. She went with Luke and Laura. They flew to Portland, and were supposed to get there around three, I think — and then I don’t know how long until Astoria—”

Elizabeth had traveled with Luke and Laura—that really didn’t make any sense. Jason looked at the clock on the side table. It was nearly eight. Elizabeth had flown for more than six hours, driven at least two more —

“You said they went to Astoria. Do you know where they were planning to go? Which hotels?”

“Yes. Um, they had a list of places to start with, but Liz wanted to start with the water views—Jason, where are you? I need to tell—”

“Tell them to stay where they are. Don’t leave Astoria. I’ll come to them.” He didn’t want to sit and wait. Elizabeth was here in Oregon, just a few hours away. He needed to be doing something.

“Jason, wait—”

“Is she okay?” What if she’d searched for him because she was sick? What if something had happened? Why else would she bring Laura and Luke with her? “Tell me she’s okay.”

“She’ll explain everything when she gets there. Wait, wait—I know where they were going to start, I wrote it down—” He heard paper rustling in the background. “The Riverwalk. I can call the inn and leave a message or something if Luke doesn’t pick up the cell. I don’t know if he has roaming—”

“Okay. I’ll call you—” Jason hung up the phone, shoved his things back in the bag, and headed out. Three hours. She was three hours away.

Astoria, Oregon

Riverwalk Inn

From the name, Elizabeth had expected something a bit more inn-like. Instead, it looked like any other motel they’d seen as they’d traveled Route 101. It was two stories with all the rooms open to the outside. But around it—

Elizabeth stepped out of the car, wondering what about the area had called to Jason and reminded him of home. Maybe if he’d meant Courtland Street…

“All right, do you remember the story?” Luke wanted to know as he crossed to Elizabeth. “You’re meeting your husband here. You want to know if he checked in—”

“I got it, Luke.” She looked around the parking lot, her spirits sinking. It was too much to hope that he’d be in the first place they looked. “I don’t see his bike—”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Laura said, squeezing her hand. “He could be out.”

“I guess. All right, I guess you guys can wait out here. I’ll be right back.” Elizabeth left them by the car and went towards the awning that sprawled over the entrance. The lobby was a bit dingy, but clean.

“Hello.” She flashed a smile, made her left hand was visible with the diamond ring and wedding band that Luke had produced out of thin air. “I’m meeting my husband here.”

“Sure.” The clerk smiled brightly. “Name?”

“Morgan.” Her stomach was rolling. “He might have checked in under his name or both of ours. I don’t—Jason or Elizabeth?”

The woman skimmed the register in front of her, then frowned, meeting Elizabeth’s eyes. “Are you sure have the right place?”

“No, I—” Elizabeth smiled, hoped it looked natural. “I’m pregnant—” She rested her hand across her middle. “And I’ve been so distracted and absent minded. He, uh—” She fished in her purse. “He gave me his itinerary for the trip, and I was supposed to join him here—” Elizabeth sighed. “Oh, no—”

“Wrong place?”

“I think I switched up the dates.” She set it down. “I have Astoria on April 16, but when I read it today—my handwriting is terrible. Am I right? He was here a few days ago, which means he moved on to the next place in Portland.”

“Yes, we have Jason Morgan checking out on April 16.” The clerked offered a rueful smile. “I wish I could tell you pregnancy brain goes away, but then the baby gets here and there’s a thousand more things to keep track of. Mr. Morgan checked in on April 12, extended his stay, but then left last Sunday. I’m sorry. Do you have cell phones?”

“We do, but you know those roaming charges.” Elizabeth took back the paper, put it in her paper. “Thank you—”

“You’re welcome. Good luck!” The clerk turned to answer the ringing phone. “Good evening, Riverwalk Inn Astoria—excuse me? Oh, wait—Mrs. Morgan!”

Elizabeth turned around, halfway to the lobby. “Yes?”

“There’s someone looking for you—” The clerk looked a bit confused. “She asked if someone was looking for Jason Morgan—”

“She?” Elizabeth echoed, her heart pounding. “Oh, maybe it’s my sister-in-law—” She took the phone. “Hello?”

“Liz! Thank God! I caught you. Jason called me!”

“He did?” Elizabeth’s breath exhaled in a rush. “Where is he? Did he—”

“He said stay right there. He’s coming to you. He was three hours away.”

“Three—” Elizabeth checked the clock on the wall. “Three hours. Em—”

“He said he was leaving right away. I’m so glad I stayed in tonight. You have to call me as soon as you know anything. Promise.”

“I will.” Elizabeth handed the phone back to the clerk. “Good timing,” she said, the relief so dizzying. “He was worried when I didn’t show up, and he and his sister started calling around. He’s on his way to get me but it’ll be a few hours. Maybe I could check in? My parents, too. Um, two rooms?”

---

In the end, they requested three rooms. Luke and Laura disappeared into theirs, Luke intending to call Sonny and catch him up, while Laura went to take a shower. She tried to get Elizabeth to go out to get something to eat, but she didn’t want to leave. She was so worried there was a mistake, that Jason wouldn’t show up—

Three hours became two. And her body was starting to protest how long she’d been awake—it was nearly eleven back in New York, but Elizabeth couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t shut her mind down. She picked at the food Luke and Laura brought back for her—

As the clock ticked towards ten—towards the time when she could start to expect Jason— Elizabeth left her room and went downstairs. She wanted to be outside, wanted to be able to hear the bike as it came in the parking lot—

She’d waited an entire week for this conversation—Elizabeth stood on the sidewalk, the cool wind rising off the river behind the motel. Would she blurt it out the moment she saw him? And what did he think about her being there in the first place?

She heard the roar of the engine before the bike came into sight, the headlight blocking her view as it turned from the highway into the parking lot. Elizabeth came forward, her heart racing as the bike pulled into a parking space maybe fifteen feet away. The rider swung his leg over the bike, and then his face was finally visible—

A sob ripped out of her throat, and suddenly, Elizabeth was running towards him. Jason caught her as she hurled herself in his arms, holding her tight. She buried her face in his neck, and for the first time in a week—in months—felt like she could breathe again.