If it makes you happy
It can’t be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?
If it makes you happy
It can’t be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?
– If It Makes You Happy, Sheryl Crow

---

Friday, May 5, 2000

New Imperial Hotel: Balcony

Early the next morning, with the sun still rising in the horizon, Jason stepped out onto the small balcony their adjoining rooms shared. He sipped his black coffee and scanned the area around them, including downtown Portland and the Willamette River in the background.

It was the largest city he’d stayed a few days in since Dallas. If there had been a better view of the water, it might have reminded him of the view from the penthouse.

“It’s a great city.”

Jason glanced to his left, finding Sonny stepping through the sliding door, his own cup of coffee in hand. “Haven’t really spent any time here,” he said.

“I did. That year I was gone. I went a lot of places,” Sonny continued. “Stayed on the move for that first six months, and up here—seemed like a good place. Not a lot of organized crime. I spent—” He squinted. “Maybe a week here.” He took a seat in one of the chairs, continued drinking his coffee. “Elizabeth still asleep?”

“Yeah.” Jason glanced over his shoulder. He could just make out the slender pale arm dangling over the edge of the bed. “Alexis call you back?”

“Yeah, I had a message after we got back from dinner.” Sonny shifted. “She was at the mansion to see Ned. Carly and AJ were arguing—she’s not too happy.”

Jason made a face, looked back out over the city. “I really don’t care.”

“No, I guess not. But maybe it’s not the worst that she has time to deal with it before you come back.” He waited, but Jason didn’t say anything. “Is that still the, uh, plan?”

“Eventually.” Jason exhaled slowly, stared down into his coffee. “You decided I was better off without Carly, and you made sure it happened.”

“I didn’t plan it, Jase. It just—” Sonny considered his words. “She was angry—hurt—at the thought you might be moving on with someone else, and it just—I was angry with her. She’d created this situation, hadn’t she? She married AJ to keep Michael, but she wanted to keep you hanging around—” His mouth was pinched. “I didn’t like it.”

“It wasn’t—”

“No, it wasn’t my place to like it. Not my place to do anything about it.” Sonny nodded. “All of that’s true, Jason. But in the moment, I was too angry to think of it. Too self-destructive. She was never going to stop hurting you. And I thought—if she saw you with someone else—I wanted that for you. I liked Elizabeth. I wanted her happy, too. So—” he got to his feet. “She made me angry at a moment when I was feeling low and angry with myself. I can tell you I’m sorry, and I am. But at the same time—” Sonny looked through the glass door, and Jason followed his gaze. Elizabeth had turned over, and now her face was visible. “That night doesn’t happen, Jase, maybe Elizabeth isn’t in that room. Maybe there’s no baby. Maybe you’re still in Port Charles, hanging on for a glimmer of hope to get Michael back.”

He took a deep breath. “I didn’t want Carly to be the reason you don’t come back, so a few weeks ago, I dug up her prenuptial agreement, got security photos of her at the Towers that night. From the camera at my door. If you come home and she makes trouble, they get sent directly to AJ.”

“Her prenuptial—” Jason shook his head. “I don’t understand—”

“Infidelity clause. She’s caught cheating, she walks away without a cent. And AJ gets custody of Michael. She might be able to fight that part in court, but she’d need money.” Sonny stared down at his coffee. “Can’t say she won’t take the risk, but I just—I don’t know. I wanted to do something.”

Jason clenched his jaw. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the fact that Sonny was still trying to manipulate things, to control Jason’s life, even if there was a slight relief that Carly might not make a lot of trouble. But it wasn’t Sonny’s job to do any of it—

“I need to be able to make my own decisions,” Jason said tightly. “And yeah—my own mistakes. Robin didn’t respect that, either. She still saw me as someone who needed to be taught a lesson. I thought you saw me as an equal—”

“I did. I do. But I also saw you as my family.” Sonny finished his coffee. “You always had my back. Always let me make the choices, even when you didn’t agree. Brenda—you hated everything I made you do. Jilting her, making her think I didn’t want her—” Sonny squeezed his eyes closed. “She died thinking it.”

“It was your relationship. None of my business—” Jason exhaled slowly. “But you’re right. If I don’t end up in the snow—if Elizabeth doesn’t save my life—” He opened the door to step back inside. “I’m not where I am today.”

“Will we be okay?” Sonny asked when Jason said nothing else.

“I don’t know.” Jason left him out on the balcony and went to the electric tea kettle to start the water. By the time Elizabeth stirred and sat up, grimacing as the morning sickness hit, he had tea and crackers waiting, with a glass of ginger ale.

Cassadine Estate: Conservatory

Stefan peered over the top of the newspaper he wasn’t actually reading and considered the sullen young man sitting across from him, glaring at a bowl of oatmeal as if it had committed a crime. Laura’s brief visit to the stables hadn’t improved matters at all, and Stefan was honestly at a loss to reach his son.

He cleared his throat, then folded the Herald and set it aside. “I’ve been thinking that you might benefit from a change of a scenery.”

Nikolas looked up, frowned. “What?”

“It’s difficult for you here,” Stefan said. “Surrounded by unhappy memories.” From the shooting and the difficult recovery that had followed, to the loss of his brother, and all the trauma that Katherine had caused— “It’s no wonder that you’ve been unable to move past—”

“No one understands,” Nikolas muttered. His gaze drifted away, out the window that looked over the garden. “My brother was murdered, and the men responsible are going on, living their lives like nothing happened. And no one seems to be angry that another innocent life is going to be at risk—”

Stefan dabbed a napkin at his lips. “No matter how many times you shake your fists at the sky, no one is listening,” he told Nikolas gently. “And it’s only causing you more grief. You feel as the very people who ought to be guarding Lucky’s memory and looking for justice are betraying him.”

“Yes!” Nikolas tossed down his spoon. “Yes! My mother is so desperate to cling to any piece of Lucky that she’s going to let Elizabeth do whatever she wants.” Disgusted, he shook his head. “And she keeps talking about proof! I don’t need any more proof — my brother was alive until he went to sleep in that garage. He was safe until Sonny Corinthos came back. They refuse to see it—”

“You’ve done all you can do,” Stefan said, and Nikolas fell silent. “Perhaps you should consider spending a few weeks in Greece. Gain some perspective on how best to approach this problem.”

Nikolas exhaled slowly. “If I could just find a way to break this hold Jason Morgan has over Elizabeth,” he muttered to himself. “To prove that he’ll cause her nothing but pain—then we can turn our attention to making him pay.” He looked at Stefan. “You’re right. I can do nothing else in Port Charles.”

Stefan hesitated. That wasn’t precisely the view that he’d hoped Nikolas would reach, but if the result was useful — Nikolas taking some time to rest away from Port Charles— then perhaps, it was satisfactory. “Yes. You can think of the next step when your mind is clear of these distractions. If you like, I’ll call the estate and have them prepare for your arrival in the next week or so—”

“Why wait?” Nikolas got to his feet, threw down his napkin. “I’ll go now.”

New Imperial Hotel: Bedroom

Elizabeth left the bathroom, towel drying her hair. “I feel human again,” she declared. “Three days in a row of this,” she continued. “When does morning sickness end?”

“Uh—” Jason reached across the bed for the book on the nightstand. She grinned at that—he’d taken her question seriously and was researching the answer. Pretty soon, he’d have memorized the book. “It should get better after—” he winced.

“What? Never? It’s never, isn’t it?” she sat next to him, peering over his shoulder.

“By the end of the first trimester.”

“Ugh. I still have like six weeks to go.” She flopped back on the bed, feeling sorry for herself for just a moment. But maybe it would be okay. Jason always got up earlier than she did, and he’d had those crackers ready. That had helped—

Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbows. “I heard you out on the balcony earlier. Were you talking to Sonny?”

“Yeah.”

He didn’t say anything else, and she considered whether to prod or push him for more. She sat upright, curling her legs beneath her. “Okay. I was thinking of where to go while Sonny’s here—”

“He apologized again for December,” Jason said and she fell silent. “But he doesn’t get it. He’s still—” He rubbed the side of his face. “He’s trying to fix things. He threatened Carly to stay away from me when we go back—he found something to use against her in her prenup—”

“Oh.” Elizabeth drew her brows together because that didn’t sound so terrible, but then again it wasn’t her life that was being meddled with.

“He still doesn’t trust me to deal with Carly,” Jason said, and Elizabeth sighed. “Does he think I’m stupid? That I can’t do anything—” He shook his head, looked away.

“I think,” Elizabeth said carefully, “that he’s feeling guilty. And he misses you.” Jason met her eyes. “That doesn’t mean you have to forgive him. Or go back to work for him. You don’t owe him anything because he came here.”

“He pointed out that if…” Jason hesitated. “That if that night didn’t happen, I wouldn’t have ended up at the boxcar. At the studio. With you.” He jerked a shoulder. “He’s right.”

Her eyes narrowed. “And I guess that means without all of that, we’re not here right now. And I’m not pregnant.” Asshole, she thought, then sighed. “He doesn’t get the credit for any of that, Jason. Because I made choices, too, didn’t I?” She slid over the bed until she was tucked up against his side. “You tried to tell me to go away, that everything was under control. But I didn’t listen. I went to get Bobbie, and I came back. And you made choices. You didn’t have to come with me. Or stay.”

Jason picked up her hand and traced the lines of her palm. “You could have kicked me out when your grandmother wanted you to.”

“And you could have stayed when Bobbie told you it was time to go.” Jason met her eyes again. “Bobbie told me about it. Everything seemed fine, and then I came back, and you were packing.”

“I told her what Nikolas said at the Christmas party wasn’t true. I told Emily that, too,” Jason admitted. “Because it wasn’t. Except that I—I knew things were changing. And I didn’t know—” He paused. “I could have stayed. I wanted to.”

“Bobbie said she could see how we felt about each other, but that it was like we were in a bubble. A safe, little world we’d created just for ourselves.” She rested her head against his shoulder. “Just like right now. When it’s just you and me, I feel like we can do anything. It’s everyone else that’s the problem.” She paused. “Sonny isn’t the reason we’re here. He made a choice—he and Carly made their choices. And then you and I made ours. You don’t owe him for that or for anything else Forgive him and go home because it’s what you want to do. When you’re ready for it. That’s all you owe anyone.”

Saturday, May 6, 2000

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Bobbie sighed when she saw Carly step off the elevator and head straight for the nurse’s station. She’d been waiting for this visit, but that didn’t mean she was looking forward to it.

“Mama, you didn’t call me back—” Carly began. Bobbie stepped out of the nurse’s station and took her daughter by the elbow to steer her over to the waiting area. “I called you three times—”

“I was busy—”

“Did you know?” Carly demanded, yanking her arm out of Bobbie’s grasp. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“No, I didn’t know,” Bobbie said, “but even if I had, I wouldn’t told you. You and that stunt you pulled with Michael in January are the reason Jason left town in the first place—”

“There’s no way that it’s true,” Carly shot back. “I just saw that little twit a few weeks ago, and she looks just like a damn twig — Jason left months ago!”

“This is none of my business and it’s not yours, either. You made your bed, Carly. Don’t be angry when the world expects you to lie in it—” Bobbie folded her arms. “He’s moved on. You’re the only one still hung up—”

Carly closed her eyes. “If I had known, I could have done better yesterday. I just—it was a surprise, and it was upsetting, and now AJ—he’s mad at me.”

“Shocking.”

“Mama—” Carly’s lip trembled. “Why are you like this—”

“Because it’s been a year. Longer,” Bobbie said, gentling her tone. “And AJ has every right to be angry that you made a scene at Kelly’s. What Nikolas did was bad enough. You have a husband who is determined to put up with you, though you’ve given him no reason to—and you have a beautiful little boy who loves his father—”

“Jason’s—”

“Jason is not his father. You’re not doing Michael any favors, either. Jason is having a family of his own. He deserves that, Carly. He was a good father to Michael when you needed him. But you have to let him go. For all our sakes.”

Pioneer Courthouse Square

Sonny narrowed his eyes as he sipped the coffee, then peered at the cup suspiciously. “It’s not better than mine,” he declared, setting it on the table. “Alexis thinks we won’t be able to compete,” he continued to Jason. “But I think she’s wrong.”

Curious now, Jason lifted his own coffee to his lips. “Did they open in Port Charles since I’ve been gone?”

“No, but they’re already in the state. It won’t be—” Sonny paused when Elizabeth stifled a giggle then ducked her head down, suddenly very absorbed in the sandwich she’d bought from one of the food carts. “Are you laughing at me?”

“It’s just—” Elizabeth looked up to see them both looking at her. “That’s the third Starbucks you’ve dragged us to since you got here,” she told him. “No one listening to this conversation would ever believe what people say about you back home.”

Sonny scowled. “I take my coffee seriously. You’re not going to tell me you like this—” He flicked his elegant fingers at the white cardboard cup with its green logo, “better than mine.”

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t like coffee, but their hot chocolate is pretty good—”

“Doesn’t like coffee,” Sonny muttered. He shook his head and looked at Jason. “Who doesn’t like coffee?”

“Jason drinks enough for the both of us. I think it runs through his veins—” She checked her watch. “It’s almost noon. I’m gonna go over there for a better view—” She got to her feet, picking up her drink.

“We’ll all move—” Jason offered, but she shook her head.

“It’s only for a few minutes. Be right back.”

They watched her cross the square to a tall, thin sculpture made from bronze. “She’s leaving us alone every chance she gets,” Sonny observed, and Jason looked back at him.

“She’s…” Jason hesitated. “She’s worried that I’ll decide to go home for her. For the baby. Not because I’m ready.” Sonny said nothing, only picked up his coffee. “She wants to have the baby in Port Charles. With Laura, Emily, and Bobbie. They’re her family. I need to make that happen—”

“I don’t hear you saying you’re ready to come back,” Sonny said. “If you were—”

“What does it mean to be ready?” Jason broke in. “How do I even know—” He shook his head. Looked over at Elizabeth, a few dozen yards away, her hands clasped in front of her with a grin on her face. They could hear the trumpets playing, kicking off the two-minute presentation in which the daily weather was reported. “I did a lot of stupid things to be a good father to Michael,” he said. “I always knew he wasn’t mine. I just didn’t care.” He looked back at Sonny. “I’m going to do what’s right for me. And that’s making sure Elizabeth has the life she deserves—”

“It seems like Elizabeth wants the same for you. She told me months ago that you needed to leave. The fact that you’re not already back in Port Charles means she hasn’t changed her mind.”

“That’s why you’re here. So I can prove to her that I’m fine.”

“You’re fine here. Three thousand miles away from Port Charles,” Sonny said, and Jason closed his mouth. “What if you come back, and you can’t do the job? Before you left, you couldn’t take orders from me. You didn’t trust me anymore. You can be out, if that’s what you want. But then you can’t come back to the city.”

Jason grimaced. “I know. But—” He exhaled slowly. “A few months ago, I couldn’t even look at you.” He met Sonny’s eyes. “I’ll make it work—”

“I don’t want you back if you’re not all the way there,” Sonny broke in. “There’s no place for you in the organization if you don’t trust me. Can you honestly tell me that’s changed?”

Jason shook his head. “No,” he admitted. “I can’t. But—”

“You’re not ready to come back,” Sonny told him. “And that’s fine. I deserve that. But don’t tell Elizabeth you can give her something you can’t. Otherwise, in a few months, we’ll find ourselves right back where we were in January. And you won’t be able to run away.”

Memories are just where you laid them
Drag the waters ’til the depths give up their dead
What did you expect to find?
Was there something you left behind?
Don’t you remember anything I said when I said
Don’t fall away and leave me to myself
Don’t fall away
And leave love bleedin’ in my hands, in my hands again
Leave love bleedin’ in my hands, in my hands
Love lies bleedin’
– Hemorrhage (In My Hands), Fuel

---

Thursday, May 4, 2000

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny set down a carry-on suitcase, then crossed over to the coffee bar to pour himself a cup. He’d be leaving for Portland in a few hours, and before he landed, he needed to figure out what to say to Jason that would fix everything.

He’d tried apologizing, but that hadn’t worked. He’d tried explaining himself. That had also failed. And then, he’d tried ignoring everything, and that had failed miserably. Maybe Jason would appreciate that Sonny had dealt with Carly—or maybe he’d be furious that Sonny had interfered again—

“I have a few things for you to sign—” Alexis held the door open, waited for him to focus on her. “If you still want the property downtown. I can file it while you’re gone.”

“Yeah, okay.” Sonny crossed to the desk, set down his cup. “I don’t know how long — I figure maybe a day or two.”

“You think you’ll be able to smooth things over that quickly?” Alexis asked with an arch of her brow.

No, but two days would probably be long enough before Jason lost his patience and asked him to get out—Sonny closed his eyes, tightened his grip around the pen. He was Sonny damned Corinthos. He wasn’t some silly teenaged boy looking for a girl to like him back.

“I think Elizabeth is probably nervous about Jason coming home when he wasn’t able to stay before,” Sonny said. “So he’s going to say what he needs to make her feel better—”

“You don’t think Jason wants to actually resolve things and move on?” Alexis tipped her head. “Maybe he’s nervous about coming home, too. It’s not like he’ll be able to pick up and just leave again. If he and Elizabeth have the baby here, it’ll be a circus. Clearing the air with you will make it easier.”

“Yeah. Maybe.” But Sonny didn’t want to fool himself. He hoped that some time and distance would allow for Jason move past that night in December. He didn’t expect forgiveness. Not anymore. He just wanted some peace of mind, and he’d hoped to find it on this trip. “What do you need me to sign?”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Emily took a seat at the counter and flipped over a teacup. “When did you start working the breakfast shift?” she teased Bobbie who just smirked and poured boiling water into Emily’s cup.

“Since Penny had to duck out, and we haven’t found anyone to replace Elizabeth long term. I like pitching in sometimes,” Bobbie continued. “It reminds me of being back in Florida with Ruby, waiting tables.”

Emily stirred sugar into her tea. “Have you heard from Elizabeth the last few days?”

“Not since she didn’t come home with Luke and Laura.” Bobbie took a deep breath. “I’m hoping that’s good news. She and Jason have a lot to work out.”

Emily’s eyes widened. “You know where she went?”

“I’m not an idiot,” Bobbie said, but smiled. “But even if I hadn’t guessed, Luke told me. He didn’t say why.” She raised her brows. “Do you know?”

“Uh…yeah, but it’s the kind of thing Elizabeth would want to tell you herself.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it. Have you heard from her since she went out there?”

“Yeah, once. She really only calls when they’re in the hotel. They sound good.” Emily made a face. “She said she might not be home for a few more weeks, but I was thinking—maybe not even then, you know? There’s no reason she has to come back.”

“No, I suppose not.”

“And I can go see them where they end up.”

“But you’d rather she were here.” Bobbie glanced behind her, and Emily twisted to find Carly coming into the diner, taking a table with Michael and AJ along with a crowd of dock workers who’d just completed the overnight shift.  “If she doesn’t come back, maybe it’s for the best.”

“Yeah, anything that keeps Jason away from her is good in my book. I just wish I didn’t have to lose my best friend in the process—”

“That’s strange,” a new voice said, and Emily looked back again, surprised to see Nikolas standing there. She looked back at Bobbie who grimaced. She hadn’t noticed him either among the dock workers. “I thought your best friend was with you. In New York.” He tipped his head. “Because that’s what you told me.”

“Nikolas—” Emily took a deep breath. “Look, it’s not like I planned to lie to you—Elizabeth didn’t want anyone to know where she was and if I’d told you she wanted to keep it quiet, you’d have been angry about it.”

“So you chose to lie?” Nikolas demanded. “I don’t know why it surprises me. You’re just like her, you know? You’ve both been lying for months. I thought we were friends, Emily. We were friends before you ever met Elizabeth—”

Emily twisted on her stool. “Don’t do this, Nikolas. Come on—”

“Maybe I’m the only one who’s been living in a fantasy world, thinking that I had friends who cared about me—”

“You do—” Emily slid off the stool, went to grab his arm. “Come on, let’s go somewhere. Let’s just talk—”

“No, no. I’m done talking. I waited for her to come to me,” he said, his teeth clenched. “I waited for her to trust me with the truth, and she just lied. You and I both know where she is. She’s with him and you’re all lying to me about it, to everyone—”

Her eyes widened, darted around the diner. Oh, God. “Nikolas—”

“But maybe she’s ashamed, huh? Getting knocked up by a guy who cares so little about her that she couldn’t even find him—”

“What?” Carly demanded, from her table as AJ just winced. “What the hell are you talking about?”

Emily yanked on Nikolas’s sleeve. “This is not what friends do—”

“No, friends also don’t lie, do they?” Nikolas yanked his arm out of her grasp. “She’s been doing it for months, why not keep going? Did she tell you she was pregnant? That she had to drag my mother and Luke across the country because she couldn’t find Jason on her own?”

“Carly—” AJ hissed as Carly left their table and stalked towards the duo.

“What is he talking about?” Carly growled. “Who’s pregnant? What—”

“Nikolas—” Emily began.

“Elizabeth,” Nikolas said, his eyes locked on Emily even as he answered Carly’s question. “Looks like Jason’s finally going to have a kid he doesn’t have to steal.”

Emily put her head in her hands as more than one table around them began whispering in a hush. She saw several cell phones come out—

“It’s time you left,” Bobbie declared, coming up behind Emily. “Now.”

“With pleasure.” Nikolas stormed out. A moment later, AJ dumped a few bills on the table, picked Michael up and left. Carly scowled but hurried after them before she was abandoned at the diner.

“Oh my God—” Emily moaned. Bobbie grabbed her arm and dragged her back towards the kitchen. “Oh, Liz is going to kill me—”

“No, she’s not. She’s not here. Right now, she’s three thousand miles away,” Bobbie told her. “So I’m going to call Laura. We’re going to do damage control—”

“Damage control? Bobbie, I have to call Liz and warn her—” Stricken, Emily focused on Bobbie. “And you didn’t even know—”

“No, I didn’t—but I’m not angry, sweetheart. It’s all right. Let me call Laura, and you can call Liz. This is probably the best way for the truth to explode—when they’re not in the state.”

“I guess,” Emily said dubiously, watching as Bobbie pulled out a phone.

Portland International Airport: Arrivals

Jason reflexively tightened his hand around Elizabeth’s as Sonny emerged from the baggage claim area. He was alone without any guards, a large carry-on bag looped over his shoulder. He’d spent four days wondering what he’d feel when he saw his former friend and partner again.

Speaking to him on the phone hadn’t been so bad, but in person — in person it was easier to remember how that night had felt. The searing pain in his side, the way everything had twisted when Carly sauntered down the stairs, the dress shirt haphazardly buttoned—

Sonny sitting in the chair, looking away from him, drinking.

Every time they had been in the same room since then had felt like torture, like swimming against the current, and the last time—

“This isn’t a test, you know,” Elizabeth murmured at his side. “No one is saying if you fail, you don’t get to go back home. That not what this is, right? We’re just visiting on neutral ground. If it doesn’t work out, Sonny can go back home tomorrow, and we’ll go on our trip and figure out the next step.”

It was tempting to take her up on that offer, to just keep driving away from all his problems. He’d done that before she’d shown up. But it hadn’t fixed anything, and it wasn’t a real solution.

“Jason.” Sonny stopped in front of them, flashing a hesitant smile at Elizabeth, but it faded nearly as quickly as it appeared. Maybe he’d been remembering the last time he’d been friendly to Elizabeth in front of Jason. “Elizabeth. How are you feeling?”

“Good. Jason and I drove in from the coast yesterday,” she said, tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “Um—” The phone vibrated against her hip, and she pulled it out.

“That’s the second time since we got here. You’d better answer it,” Jason said.

“It’s Emily again. I’ll just tell her we’ll call her later.” Elizabeth put the phone to her ear and took a few steps away, leaving Jason and Sonny in awkward silence.

“Things are, um, okay? I mean, it’s not my business,” Sonny said, glancing after Elizabeth. “I was just worried after—”

“I know. Things are fine—” Jason’s voice faded when the color faded from Elizabeth’s cheeks. She focused on him, her eyes wide. Quickly, Jason closed the distance between them. “What is it?”

“It’s, um—” Wordlessly Elizabeth shoved the phone at Jason. “I can’t—”

Sonny was there, taking the phone from Jason as he put an arm around Elizabeth’s waist and steered her over to a bench. “Look at me. Hey—” He cupped her jaw in one hand, squeezing her hand with the other. “Elizabeth.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “She said it, and I just—lost my breath, and then I couldn’t catch it again.”

Sonny came over, handed them a closed phone. “It’s out,” he said shortly and Jason stared at him, unsure what he meant. “Nikolas Cassadine announced it in the middle of the lunch shift at Kelly’s. Everyone knows about the baby.”

Wyndemere: Conservatory

Stefan tossed aside the paper when the doors blew open and Laura stalked in, her face pale and her eyes burning. “Laura,” he said cautiously. “I know you’re angry—”

“Where is he?”

“He’s down at the stables, but—” Stefan put up a hand to block her before she could head out the garden doors. “We should talk about this first.”

“Talk about what?” Laura lifted her brows. “Do you know what he did, Stefan?”

“He told me he had an argument with Emily at Kelly’s, and as a result, revealed some sensitive information Elizabeth might have wished to keep secret.” Stefan blocked her forward advance again. “He’s hurting, Laura—”

Laura took a deep breath. “And you’re protecting him. Just like you have for months—”

“He’s had a difficult year—”

“I know that, and I have tried to be understanding but he refuses to see reason—” Laura curled her hand into a fist. “I know that everything with Katherine on top of losing Lucky has made things difficult. But it’s not an excuse how he’s been acting, for what he’s said and done for months—”

“So, you’re going to what?” Stefan arched a slim brow. “Confront him? Chastise him? He’ll just see you as choosing yet another person over him. You’ve done it all his life, why stop now?”

Laura’s eyes burned. “That is not fair, Stefan, and you damn well know it. I did the best I could. What I was capable of. Just as you did. And I am not choosing Elizabeth over him—”

“You came all the way to the island so that you could yell at him about what he’s done. Do you think he’s not ashamed already?”

“I will not have him blaming his childhood and the fact that I wasn’t there for the rest of his life. I am done with the guilt trips. Now—get out of my way.”

Quartermaine Estate: Hallway

Carly stepped out of Michael’s room, leaving the toddler with his nanny, then grimaced when AJ’s hand slid around her forearm, just below the elbow. “Hey—”

“Shut up,” her husband hissed, steering her around the corner into their bedroom. He released her so suddenly that it felt almost like a shove, and she stumbled. The door slammed behind her, and Carly whirled.

“What is your—”

“That—” AJ held up a finger, his eyes dark and swirling, “is the last time you humiliate me in public—”

Carly bristled. “I didn’t—”

“It is none of your business what my brother does,” AJ bit out. “And you have no right to demand answers about a relationship and pregnancy that have nothing to do with you—”

A shiver slid down Carly’s spine as she swallowed hard. Would Sonny see this as a violation of their deal? “I didn’t—” She cleared her throat, put up her hands. “I didn’t mean—it wasn’t—I was just upset—”

“Why?” AJ demanded flatly. “I’m your husband. Jason is nothing to you. He’s moving on. He’s having a family with someone else—”

“The hell he is—”

“Shut up!” AJ roared and it was so unexpected that Carly fell silent, closing her mouth. “I’m done! That’s it!” He started across the room, and Carly realized with a start he was heading for the phone.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m done with this. I’m done being runner-up—” AJ jerked the phone off the base and jabbed in a number. “I’m calling my lawyer—”

“No, no, no—” Carly leapt across the room, grappled with him for the phone. “No!” If AJ filed for divorce now, everyone would think it was because of Jason—because of Kelly’s—and she couldn’t be sure Sonny wouldn’t send those photos just to be an asshole— “Please—”

AJ slowly set the phone back down and looked at her, his expression hard and unyielding. “This is the last warning, Carly. You and I both know that if I file for divorce, I will destroy you. I will keep you in court until your bones are dust, and there is no one coming to save you.”

Carly’s hands were shaking as she held them up. She wanted to deny it, wanted to believe that if AJ really went after her but Jason was gone. He’d cut her out.

“I know.” Carly squeezed her eyes shut, tears stinging as her voice broke. “I know! I screwed everything up and now we’re all miserable! I won’t do it again. Okay? I’m done. It’s over.”

AJ shook his head and disgust and left the bedroom, the door slamming so hard in his wake that it shook the frame. Carly sank onto the edge of the bed. She’d reached the end of the road. No more cards left to play.

Wyndemere: Stables

Nikolas ran a brush through Sheba’s mane, enjoying the quiet, the peace of the stables. To be away from everything that had happened that morning.

He hadn’t meant to say anything about the pregnancy. Not when he’d arrived. He’d hoped to spend some time with Emily, to resolve some of the anger burning at his gut. But then he’d overheard them talking about Elizabeth—

And it was clear that his mother wasn’t the only person Elizabeth had trusted. Emily knew. And they’d all cut him out. He squeezed his eyes closed, wishing when he opened them again, he could have turned back time. That he could be back at Kelly’s that last night, to stop his brother from burning those candles—

“How could you?”

Nikolas turned towards the entrance of the stable and forced his features into a blank expression as he studied his mother. “Are you here to tell me what a bad boy I’ve been?”

“Any chance of Elizabeth ever trusting you again is gone. You understand that, don’t you?”

“She started the lying, not me.” Months ago. She’d told him she wasn’t ready to move on from Lucky after her birthday, but it had been a lie. She didn’t want him. No more than his own mother did.

“Did it ever occur to you that Elizabeth wouldn’t have seen it as a lie?” Laura’s footsteps approached him, and he focused on her. “She told me, Emily, and Jason. Luke and Sonny know because we had to find Jason. But that’s it. She had every right to hold on to this as long as she could. Some women don’t say anything for months—”

“Some women aren’t supposed to be your friends. She could have trusted me—”

“And you proved so worthy of that last Christmas,” Laura said. “When you told the world she was dating Jason.”

“Not dating,” Nikolas bit out. “He had her hidden in the studio like a dirty secret.” Nikolas wouldn’t have treated her that way — he would have given her the world. Not anymore. That was done.

“Oh, so it’s concern for her that had you telling the world she was pregnant. Just like concern made you announce her sex life—”

“It doesn’t bother you at all, does it?” Nikolas bit out. “She’s out there acting like Lucky never existed! It’s what you’re all doing—”

“I’m acting like my life didn’t end last year,” Laura corrected. “It didn’t. I went on breathing, Nikolas, as hard as it was to imagine for a time. And Elizabeth went on living. She fell in love again.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t get to find another brother—” He closed his eyes as the pain sliced again. He hadn’t really had his brother at all and now everyone treated Lucky like he was a burden that had to be endured. “She’s going to get herself killed, and if that’s not enough, she’s dragging another innocent life into this. Why am I the only one who sees it? How many lives does Jason Morgan get to destroy? Lucky wasn’t enough?”

“If you’re not ready to let Lucky rest in peace, I can’t help you. But Elizabeth is still part of my family—I’m not choosing her over you, but you are wrong for what you’re doing. And I’m not going to pretend that you’re not. You don’t have to like her choices, but they are hers to make. Leave her alone,” Laura warned. “You’re only making yourself miserable and you’re pushing everyone else away.”

Nikolas scowled as she left. He was only miserable because no one could see what was happening. He’d just have to show them.

Portland, Oregon

New Imperial Hotel

“I’m really okay,” Elizabeth told Jason again as he paced the length of their room. She turned to Sonny, seated beside on the sofa. “It was just—I was upset. Bobbie didn’t know, and that’s not the way I wanted her to find out—”

“Maybe you should see a doctor.” Jason sat on the edge of the bed. “You still look pale—”

“Anxiety attacks will do that.” Sonny straightened when Jason sent him a dark glare. “I’m sorry. Look, her pulse is good. She’s not cramping. She got some bad news and reacted. I could tell you to relax, but it’s not going to work.” He sent Elizabeth a reassuring smile. “Welcome to the next eight months of your life.”

“I’m fine,” Elizabeth said, and this time she saw Jason’s expression ease. “I’d rather we talk about what we’re going to do about this.”

“Actually—” Sonny got to his feet. “Not that my opinion really matters, but this — this is not the worst way for people to find out. You’re not in town for people to scream at,” he told Jason. “So, no extra pressure on Elizabeth. You’ve been gone long enough that, uh, people aren’t all that interested in you.”

Elizabeth knew what that meant — men in Sonny’s business likely wouldn’t care. “Did Emily say who else was there?”

“Carly and AJ,” Sonny said, and Jason tensed. “I don’t know much more than that. I’ll call Alexis and find out more. You guys take a minute.”

He went to the door that adjoined the rooms and closed it behind him. Jason took his seat on the sofa.

“I feel like an idiot for getting all upset,” Elizabeth said, with a grimace. “And I haven’t had a panic attack in over a year.” She took his hands, waited for him to meet her eyes. “I really am okay.”

“I just—” He cleared his throat. “Sonny’s got a point. Everyone finding out when we’re not there—it’s a little easier.”

“Yeah. I just don’t understand how Nikolas knew—and Bobbie—I meant to tell her, there just never seemed to be a good time—” Elizabeth shook her head. “I hate it.”

“Call her and talk it out.” Jason leaned over to grab the cell phone they’d dumped on the table. “You know she loves you. It’ll be okay.”

“Yeah.” She snuggled up to his side and he put an arm around her shoulders. “She’ll probably want to hear from you, too.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you
You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
Right now, there’s no better time
From this fear I will break free
And I’ll live again with love
And no, they can’t take that away from me
– I Surrender, Celine Dion

---

Friday, April 28, 2000

Cabin: Bedroom

Jason didn’t dream, so he didn’t have nightmares. But if he did, he imagined it might feel like this moment, standing in front of Elizabeth with his ridiculous collection of discarded postcards surrounding her.

How had she found them—why—

He should have just kept walking towards the pizzeria instead of coming back, frustrated by the continued tension between them—maybe she would have just put them back and never brought them up—

“Our bags look the same,” she said softly. She got to her feet, her cheeks flushed. She held one of the cards in her hand. “I didn’t mean to find them.”

“I—” Jason swallowed. “You told me to stop sending them,” he managed. “Not that I had to stop writing them.”

“Did you—” She stared down at the one she held, and he recognized one he’d written in South Dakota. The first one he’d grabbed after returning from Port Charles. “Did you mean what you wrote?”

He didn’t have to ask what she meant. “Yeah,” Jason managed, because maybe this wasn’t a disaster. “I—”

“‘I think about you every day’,” she read softly, her voice trembling. “‘What it felt like to hold you again, to wake up next to you. I wish I could give you more—'” Elizabeth looked at him. “You just stopped. In the middle of the sentence.”

“I couldn’t send it to you.” He shoved his hands in his pockets. “I told myself to stop. That it was just making it worse. I thought if I stopped, I wouldn’t think about you so much.” He managed a half smile. “It didn’t work.”

“You wrote…nearly every day—” Her voice trembled. “Every day.”

“I told you—”

“But—” She held the postcard against herself. “You really did it.”

Did she think he’d lied? “Yes—”

“I thought—” Elizabeth said, taking a step towards him. “When I didn’t hear from you, when it was just those few postcards—it hurt. Like you didn’t miss me—or maybe, if you did, it wasn’t the way I missed you.” She swallowed hard, her eyes locked on his. “Maybe you just missed your friend. And then those postcards came, and they didn’t say anything. Nothing real. So I didn’t know. And you came back, and it was like you hadn’t left—but you went away again. And everyone always leaves—”

“I had to go,” Jason forced out. “I didn’t want to—”

“You would have stayed,” she interrupted. “I didn’t believe you then. Not really. But—” Her fingers trembling, she looked at the postcard in her hands. “You would have. For me.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he confessed, and her head snapped back up, and there was something about the look in her eyes that made everything else easier to say. “Yeah, I missed my friend. I missed you. And everything we’d been together. And all the things we never got to be. I don’t want to go back to how things used to be. I want to go forward. With you.”

Elizabeth closed the distance between them and before he understood what she was going to do, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him.

He froze for a second—not understanding how any of this had happened—how he had left the room, sure that everything he did was completely wrong—and now she was in his arms—Jason dragged her closer, sliding his hands into hair—he’d missed how silky it felt in his fingers and how good she felt pressed against him—

The postcard she held in her hands fell to the ground as Jason backed her up to the wall, and she shoved his jacket off his shoulders, sliding her hands under his shirt, dragging it up and over his head. One of her legs wrapped around his waist—he cupped her thigh, urging it up so he could lift her. He nearly stumbled as he moved blindly towards the bed, but managed to get there, nearly unable to believe his good fortune that despite everything—

Everything he wanted in the world was right here in front of him—if he could just hold on to it.

“I’ll never leave you again,” he murmured, smoothing her hair away from her face. “I’m right where I want to be.”

—

She could hear the ocean gently crashing outside the window. The sun had begun to set in the horizon, casting the room into shadows. Elizabeth curled up next to Jason, the sheets twisted, and comforter pushed down towards the foot of the bed. Both their bags had been shoved off the bed, and the postcards were scattered on the bed and on the floor.

She slid in and out of a light doze, lulled into dreams by the soft stroke of Jason’s fingers against her skin, dancing up and down her spine. Whatever happened next, she knew they could handle anything.

“I think it’s because of my parents,” she said, then frowned, unsure where the words or thought had come from. His fingers stilled for a moment, then continued. “Mostly my mom.”

“What is?” he asked gently.

“Why I’m…” She bit her lip, then sat up, tugging the sheet under her arms. “Why I didn’t want you to just jump on a plane and come home.”

Jason slid one hand under his head, the elbow cocked out on the pillow as he looked up at her, his expression still questioning. “Your mother.”

“I told you about the fellowship she turned down because she got pregnant with me. The thing is—” Elizabeth bit her lip. “She didn’t want me. Or Sarah. It was Dad who wanted more kids. They planned Sarah. I was an accident. Dad didn’t want her to have an abortion, so she kept me. And gave up the fellowship. I don’t think she ever thought I was worth the sacrifice.”

“She’s wrong—”

“She gets to feel however she wants, I guess. She was never cruel to me, and I had what I needed mostly. They were only supposed to be away a year. Mom got the invitation to join Doctors Without Borders, and she told Dad they could do it now. Sarah only had a year left of high school, and Steven had left for college. They were almost free. Dad didn’t want to go, but she said he’d promised her that he’d never make her give up her career again for the kids. So they left for Europe, sent Sarah to stay with Gram, and dropped me off at the neighbors.” Elizabeth met his eyes. “She changed her whole life for me, Jason. She gave up her dreams and what she wanted because she loved my dad. I guess I was scared you’d go home before you were ready, and you’d be unhappy again. Just like she was. I know that’s not fair to you—”

Jason reached up to tug her back down and drew her close, pressing his lips to her forehead. “You just wanted me to be sure. I’m sorry about your mother. It’s her loss.”

“I haven’t spoken to her since she left. Dad called a lot that first year. But not so much after…” She closed her eyes. “Gram told them about the rape. Dad wanted me to come to Europe, but I couldn’t. Then Sarah left for college—” She paused. “Anyway. I’m sorry. I kept picking fights because I was scared. I didn’t want you to come home because of the baby. And I didn’t really believe you could still want me.” She smiled. “But you did.”

They fell into silence again, the sun sinking lower and the room growing darker. She nearly slipped back into that space between dreams and waking, so warm and comfortable—and then her stomach rumbled.

“We should get something to eat,” he murmured, his voice drowsy. He slid his hand up to her belly, still flat. Gently, he pushed her onto her back so that he could press his mouth just above her belly button.

Elizabeth shivered from the sensation, and he propped himself up on his elbow. “It’s hard to believe,” she admitted, “that there’s a baby in there.” Though they’d talked about it before, it felt different this time. It felt real. Or maybe it was that they felt like a team. Like a couple who had just learned they were having a child.

“I know,” Jason said. He traced a pattern, his fingertips making her twitch. It was a little ticklish. “You look the same.”

“I feel mostly the same,” she said. “But I know that’ll start changing soon.”

Jason sat up all the way up. “I’ll go get a pizza or something. It’s better than nothing,” he said. “You need to eat.”

“I am hungry,” she admitted. She snagged his elbow as he started to move away. “I’ve been so scared this week,” Elizabeth said, “but I’m not anymore. This is—it’s so big, and I didn’t know if you’d feel trapped or obligated. I didn’t want that. But I think—” She bit her lip, and he waited for her to gather her thoughts. “I think I’m happy. Excited. And—I hope you are, too.”

“I am—” Jason leaned forward to brush his mouth against hers. “Terrified,” he murmured, stroking her cheek. “Overwhelmed. But happy. That you’re here, and that this—” His other hand covered her belly again. “This little grain of rice or poppy seed is with us. I don’t know what tomorrow looks like. I just know I want to spend it with you.”

Sunday, April 30, 2000

General Hospital: Conference Room

“I was hoping to catch you before you left—”

Nikolas shoved the last of the folders and paperwork into his briefcase, then closed it. He leveled a cool stare at his mother as Laura stood in the doorway. “I’m not sure we have anything else to say to each other—”

“You haven’t returned a single phone call since we spoke last week—” Laura held up her hands as Nikolas approached her. “Please.”

He stopped, then lifted a brow. “All right. Go ahead. Say what you came to say—”

“When you left last week, you seemed to think that neither Bobbie or I had considered the risks in Elizabeth pursuing a relationship with Jason,” Laura said. Nikolas’s jaw clenched, and he looked away. “I have. And it worries me, Nikolas. It does. I wasn’t here when you were injured, but when I learned of it later, it horrified me. I’d nearly lost Lucky to that life—”

“You did lose him—”

“I respect that you believe the fire was due to Sonny and Jason. I don’t, but I’m not going to talk you out of it,” Laura said, and he closed his mouth. “I’m speaking of what I do know. I lived the majority of my life under the threat of Frank Smith finding me. Or the Cassadines,” she admitted. “When I think of Elizabeth living that way—”

“Then how can you support her? How can you let her think this is okay?” he bit out.

“What’s the alternative?” Laura wanted to know. “Audrey tried to give her an ultimatum, and Elizabeth moved out. She’s not speaking to you, Nikolas, because you didn’t support her. Am I supposed to cut her out, too?” She paused. “I’ve already lost Lucky. I may not have chosen this life for Elizabeth, but all I can do now is love her and make sure she has what she needs to be happy.”

“It’s not enough—” Nikolas gritted his teeth. “It’s not—”

“You’re only making yourself miserable if you continue to be antagonistic—”

“You and Bobbie and Emily can sit around and let Elizabeth make the same choices that you did. As Lucky did. You’ve chosen to think that Jason and Sonny are good men—”

“Nothing is black and white—” Laura stopped when Nikolas walked past her. “Nikolas—”

“I won’t stand by and blindly support Elizabeth as she betrays everything my brother died for. You and Bobbie can do what you want. Don’t expect me to play nice.”

Monday, May 1, 2000

Cape Meares State Scenic Viewpoint

“I told you it would be worth it,” Elizabeth said, leaning over the edge of the guardrail. He winced and braced a hand at the small of her back. “I wish we had binoculars. The guide said we could see gray whales—” She looked down at the brochure, studying it.

“We can always come back,” Jason offered, amused by her enthusiasm. “Or check the gift shop—” He paused when her jacket began to ring.

“Maybe.” She fished in her pocket for the cell phone Luke had left her, grimacing. “It’s Laura.”

“You can take the call—”

“No, I’ll let it go to voicemail. I’ll call her when we get to the hotel tonight.” She put the phone back in her pocket, but the expression she’d made when she’d seen Laura’s name stayed with him.

“Why didn’t you want to talk to her now?”

“Nothing—” Elizabeth sighed. “The last time I talked to her, she asked about putting my mail on hold. Right now, she’s picking it up for me. And she’s watching my grandmother’s cat.”

Jason exhaled, looked back out over the water. Elizabeth had put her entire life on hold to come out here, to tell him about the baby. And while they were finally on the same page in most ways, they still hadn’t really tackled the decision to return to Port Charles. She had to go back. Of course she did.

“It’s fine,” Elizabeth said. “I’ll ask her to take care of the mail, and Gatsby is fine at her place—”

“Or we could go back,” he cut in. “We can’t keep putting this off,” Jason pressed when she just looked at him. “I know you wanted time—”

“You needed it, too,” she argued. “Or have you changed your mind? Are you ready to go home?”

Jason put his hand at her elbow to keep her facing him. “I don’t know. Maybe. If we go back and it’s not okay—if things are still tense with Sonny or—” He paused. “I don’t know. I know Carly’s still an issue. But I don’t think she can hurt me the way she did before.”

Elizabeth still looked torn, and while he wanted to be frustrated by her hesitation, he knew she was only thinking of how bad it had been before he left and how he’d talked about it on the beach earlier that week. She wanted to protect him and was trying to put him first.

That didn’t happen to him very often. Or ever. He held out his hand. “Let me see the phone.”

Elizabeth frowned but handed it over. “Why?”

“I’m going to call Sonny.” He had a plan. Or at least the beginning of a plan. If he could handle Sonny, that meant he could handle the job. And Elizabeth could be in Port Charles where she was happy. She’d be near the hospital with doctors—

Carly was a different kind of hurdle to deal with, and he really wouldn’t know until he was face to face with her what to expect.

“You really don’t have to do this—”

“Hello?”

“Sonny,” Jason said, squeezing Elizabeth’s hand to show her he was okay. He could see the worry in her eyes, the lines in her forehead crinkling. “It’s me.”

“Jason. Uh, hey. How are you? Is—are you okay?”

“I’m good. Elizabeth and I are still in Oregon.” He looked out over the ocean, thought about how to really fix this. “She said you helped track me down. Thank you.”

“Oh, well, I didn’t do much, but I’m glad it worked out. Hope she’s having a good time.”

“Yeah, she is. We both are. Uh—” Jason winced. “Listen. There are things. We should talk about them.”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course.”

“I—I’m not coming to Port Charles yet. I thought maybe you could come out here. Meet us in Portland for a few days. So we could talk.”

There was a long pause, and then Sonny answered. “Sure. Let me move some things around. Can—maybe there’s a number I could call.”

“Yeah, hold on—” He held the phone out to her. “Can you give him the number of this phone? I don’t know it.”

“Sure.” Elizabeth reeled off the numbers, then hung up the phone. “You really didn’t have to—”

“It’s better if we do this on neutral ground,” Jason told her. “Maybe away from Port Charles, it’ll be easier.” He paused, looked out over the horizon again, then met her eyes. “If it’s okay, we’ll go back—”

“I have a counter offer. Sonny comes here and you guys can sort things out. And then—” Elizabeth grasped the lapels of his jacket, leaned up to kiss him. “You wanted to go to California, right? I was looking at the brochures last night. I saw one for the Pacific Coast Highway. We could do it in two, maybe three weeks.”

He kissed her again, lingering. “Are you sure?”

“It’ll be fun. You’ll talk to Sonny, and then we’ll go. By the end of it, you might feel even better about going home. You might feel sort of okay now, and maybe seeing Sonny will help. But I still think we should wait a bit longer.” She laid her hand against his chest. “I heard you on the beach, Jason. I listened to you. You didn’t feel ready to go back.”

“That was before—” He took one of her curls, wrapped it around his finger. “I didn’t know I still had you.”

She softened. “You always had me. Still, I want to take this trip. It’ll be fun. Plus, we won’t be able to just take off on these kinds of things after the baby, you know? So we should do it while we can.”

“When you put it that way.” He laced his fingers through hers. “Come on, let’s go to the gift shop and see if we can get some binoculars. Now that you mentioned the whales, I want to see them, too.”

Lincoln City, Oregon

Starfish Manor Hotel

“Oh, this is so much better than last night,” Elizabeth said, breathing a sigh of relief as she came into the room with the large picture window overlooking the ocean. “Did you know there was a Jacuzzi?”

Jason tossed their bags on the bed and eyed the tub at the end the room by the window. “No—” But he was definitely interested.

Elizabeth started to dig through her bag, wincing. “We need to find a laundromat,” she said. “I’m almost out of clothes.”

“I’ll ask the lobby tomorrow.” Jason picked up the room service menu. “We’re only two hours out of Portland,” he told her, “so I was thinking we’d stay in the area. When Sonny can come, we won’t have to backtrack.”

Elizabeth was already inspecting the controls on the hot tub. “Sounds good. Oh—” She dug in her pocket for the phone vibrating against her hip. “Hey, Laura. No, I saw your call earlier. We just got to the hotel.” She grinned. “Oh, hey, this isn’t a window—it’s a door to the balcony,” she called back to Jason.

He watched her go out and curl up on the chairs, continuing the phone conversation. He ordered some dinner, then called down to the lobby to ask about the laundromat. She’d been with him more than a week, and Jason already couldn’t fathom how he’d filled his days before she’d joined him. Now that they were finally on the same page—that they were actually together—he couldn’t imagine going on without her.

Everything was better now that she was here, and he was determined to keep it that way. He’d make sure this visit with Sonny went well so that it would be one less obstacle to return to Port Charles.

Carly would always be a thorn in his side, but it didn’t sting the way it had even a few weeks ago. Would that change when he got to Port Charles? Maybe. But—

“Hey.” Elizabeth came back in, leaning against the door frame. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” He hung up the phone. “I am. How’s Laura?”

“Good. I told her I was going to be gone longer, and she said she’d take care of my mail. She wanted to know if it was okay to give Em the number, so I did.” Elizabeth tipped her head to the side. “Is it okay? You left without giving us any way to reach you, and I’ve basically ruined that—”

“I thought it had to be that way,” he told her. He reached for her hand, drew her against him, still marveling at the way they fit together. “That if I cut the ties, it would make it easier.” He brushed the back of his knuckles down her cheek, and she smiled. “I was wrong.”

“I wish I’d come with you back then,” she said with a sigh. “But maybe it was supposed to be this way. I was able to find some peace with Gram. And I got this job—”

“I thought I’d be better off alone. I’m not. I wouldn’t have known that if you’d come with me in January. Or even last month. Things happen for a reason.” He kissed her, tightening his hold on her. “I ordered room service,” he murmured. “We can try out the hot tub later.”

“Sounds like an excellent plan.”

I think I’m dyin’ nursing patience
It can wait one night
I’d give it all away if you give me one last try
We’ll live happily ever trapped if you just save my life
Run and tell the angels that everything’s alright
– Learn to Fly, Foo Fighters

---

Friday, April 28, 2000

Ocean Inn: Room

They stayed in Manzanita for a week, a choice that puzzled Elizabeth even as she repacked her duffel bag while Jason took a shower. The area was beautiful, and she liked that their suite felt like a small home — one of the ways to reassure Jason that they were just fine outside of Port Charles was to go to the grocery store and stock the kitchenette with fresh food. Jason knew how to cook better than she did, but she could heat up leftovers better than anyone else.

It had been like living together in the studio again with a bit more space, a better view, and an actual bathroom they didn’t share with the rest of the floor. But it wasn’t really like living together, Elizabeth thought. She folded a shirt and tucked it inside the bag, then reached for the art supplies. They’d slept in the same bed, but he hadn’t touched her. And she hadn’t pushed either, she reminded herself.

She probably could have. Just reached for him one night—hadn’t she made the first move in January? And last month? Elizabeth zipped the duffel closed. It was probably for the best that they weren’t—

“I was looking at the map—”

Elizabeth turned, startled. Jason stood in the doorway, between the bathroom and bedroom, a toothbrush in his hand. He wore a pair of jeans but hadn’t yet pulled on a shirt. Some of the drops from the shower still glistened on his chest. Her fingers tightened around the strap of the duffel. “The map?” she managed.

“Yeah.” Jason tossed the toothbrush into the sink and stepped into the bedroom—she saw then that he held an Oregon atlas in his hand. “I was thinking we could go to Tillamook.”

“Tillamook—” Elizabeth drew her brows together. She remembered the name from the planning she’d done in case Jason hadn’t been in Astoria. “That’s not too far away.”

“Only about an hour—” He stopped when she came closer and tugged the atlas from him. “What?”

She stared at the map, swallowing hard as she looked at the page. Tillamook wasn’t just an hour away from Manzanita. It was also still close to Portland. That didn’t have to mean anything, she told herself. Portland was huge and most places were within a few hours of it. But—

“Didn’t you say you wanted to go to California?” Elizabeth’s fingers dug into the edges of the book. “We’ll never make it if you only go thirty miles every week—” She flipped a page. “We could make Crescent City tonight—”

“That’s nearly eight hours—” Jason frowned. “What’s wrong with taking our time?”

“Nothing.” Elizabeth shoved the atlas back at him, already irritated with herself for picking the fight. Why did she keep doing that? Even after Sunday, when he’d walked on the beach, and they’d had that conversation about not pushing each other, about giving time. If Jason wanted to explore every little dinky town on the Oregon coast, it wasn’t her trip to criticize—she’d invited herself along.

But she didn’t know how to stop picking at him, how to stop analyzing every single thing he said and did, looking for a hint that he didn’t want her, that he was unhappy—just a few days ago, he’d suggested she try out some fish and she’d snapped at him that she could take care of the baby without him controlling her diet—

“Tillamook is fine,” she said finally. “I don’t remember reading a lot about it—”

“You’ve been getting nauseous if we’re on the bike for too long,” Jason said, and she looked at him. He had set the atlas on the dresser. “Twice this week, we were out longer than an hour. I just wanted to make it easier for you. And I’m not in a hurry to get to California.”

She sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that—” She nearly retorted out that all he ever thought about was the baby, like she didn’t matter, but she bit that back before it spilled out. Tears pricked her eyes. What a terrible thing to think and nearly accuse him of—what was wrong with her?

She pressed her hands to her face, digging her palms into her eyes so hard she saw stars. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just a little…I don’t know. You’re right. We’d never make that kind of drive today.” Elizabeth looked at him. “Thank you. For thinking about it. I don’t know why I didn’t.”

“You don’t have to apologize. I just wish you’d tell me what’s really wrong.” With that, Jason tugged on a shirt and went back to the bathroom to pack his razor and anything else he’d left in there.

There was no way she was going to do that, Elizabeth thought darkly. Not when she had no bloody clue what was really wrong. Jason had been nothing but wonderful since that night on the beach, and she’d been a bitch. He’d ripped open a vein for her, and all Elizabeth could do was criticize everything he did and look for the worst-case scenario.

Maybe it really was the fear that he was subconsciously keeping them close to Portland, a few hours away from an airport. Maybe Jason didn’t even realize it. But was it because he thought she was going to leave? Or did he want her to go? And was she, like always, spinning fantasies in her own head?

It was probably neither of those things. Jason was right. She’d had some trouble with longer bike rides, and if they didn’t take things slowly, she’d get sick. It was perfectly rational to accept that as an explanation.

Determined to do exactly that, Elizabeth got to her feet and finished packing.

Port Charles, New York

Luke’s: Bar

The interior of the club was gaudy and overdone, but Sonny still loved the hell out of it. He remembered the first time he’d stepped inside, just before opening night. Luke had been proud of the design—it had looked exactly like his vision.

Sonny had pulled out of the club a year earlier after Lucky’s death, but he missed it like he missed Luke’s friendship. There were few people more loyal than Luke Spencer.

Sonny had a way of shoving loyal people out the door. Today—today was going to try to at least return the loyalty Jason had showed him over and over again by creating a safe place to return.

Carly scowled as she sat down. “Why the hell did you pick this spot?” she demanded.

Sonny leaned forward. “Because I didn’t think you’d want your husband to overhear this conversation.” He nodded to Claude. “A bourbon for me. She’s not staying.”

Carly waited for the bartender to serve the drink and disappear into the back. “You got a lot of nerve summoning me like I belong to you,” she began.

Sonny picked up the tumbler with one hand and with the other, he slid a sheaf of papers across the bar. “Take a look at these.”

“What—” Carly’s mouth fell open as she snatched the papers up, her fingers digging in, wrinkling the pages. “How the hell did you get this? This is confidential—”

“That’s not the question you should be asking.” Sonny sipped the liquor. “You should be asking me,” he continued, “What do I intend to do with them?”

Carly’s brown eyes seared into him. “All right. What are you going to do?” she bit out.

“Nothing.” She scoffed and Sonny shrugged. “As long as you do exactly as I say, I’ll forget I ever saw them.”

“Why the hell should I believe you?”

Sonny dismissed that question. “It’s simple, Carly. Jason will be returning at some point in the next few months.” Maybe sooner. Maybe later. But eventually, Jason would come back with Elizabeth. “And when he does, you’re going to steer clear of him. You’ll leave the room when he comes in. You’ll make sure he never has to hear your voice again.”

Carly’s glare was scathing. “You have no right—”

“If you bother him, if you so much as cause him an ounce of distress—” Sonny paused to slide over a manila envelope. “I’ll have these delivered to your husband.”

Carly’s face went white, and she grabbed the envelope. She ripped it open and dumped out the photos. “What—” They were black and white, a bit grainy. But clear. A photograph of her entering Sonny’s penthouse, time stamped November 30, 1999. Another of an open door as Jason, with Carly in the edge of the frame—just enough of her figure to see that she was scantily clad. It was timestamped almost an hour after she’d gone in. Her fingers started to tremble as she went to the last photo — her exit nearly ten minutes later, her hair disheveled and she was rushing.

“It’s not perfect proof,” Sonny said, “but I think it’ll be enough. AJ’s keeping you around because you’re not a terrible mother, but he knew you’d cheat. He thought it’d be with his brother, but you were smart. You knew about this clause.” Sonny tapped the page of the prenuptial agreement he’d had Benny dig up. “Evidence of infidelity means AJ gets to walk away with primary custody of Michael, and you don’t get a single cent.”

Carly exhaled slowly. “You wouldn’t do this. It would upset Michael, and Jason would hate that—”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take. But I don’t think you are.” Sonny sipped the bourbon. “It’s a simple deal, Carly. Keep your country club life, your son, and your access to the Quartermaines. Leave Jason alone. He doesn’t want you. I don’t know how much clearer he can make it than he did on the day on the docks when you used Michael against him for the last time.”

Carly looked at the photographs again, then up at Sonny. “A bit of a security risk to have a camera on your own door. It’d be a shame if someone used that against you.”

“I want you to remember something,” Sonny said, leaning in, his voice going very quiet. Carly’s eyes widened. “I am a dangerous man. If you think to go against me, then I’ll make AJ’s life even easier. You’ll simply disappear. One day, it’ll be like you were never here.”

Carly swallowed hard. “You wouldn’t hurt a woman—”

“Not personally, no.” He grinned, his dimples winking, but his eyes remained cold. “But you can hire people for that sort of thing.”

“My mother—”

“Is already at her limits with you. And you know that, don’t you? Bobbie’s already had to forgive so much. Those photos hit the tabloids—” Sonny nodded at them. “Do you really think anyone will question why you disappear? Do you think anyone will really care?”

Carly exhaled slowly. “I stay away from Jason, and you keep your mouth shut. That’s the deal?”

“That’s the deal.”

“What if Jason doesn’t want it that way?” she demanded. “What if he comes home and he’s forgiven me—”

“In the extremely unlikely event that Jason goes insane and decides to let you back into his life, that’ll be his problem. But as long as he doesn’t want you around, Carly, you stay out. That’s the deal.”

“Fine.” Carly shoved off the stool. “You’ll see. He always forgives me. He just went away to think. He’ll come back and remember that he loves me. That he loves Michael. And I’ll tell him about this. He’ll never forgive you.”

Sonny watched her stomp out, then picked up his drink again. “Another risk I’m willing to take.”

“Well, I see you’ve made my niece very unhappy,” Luke said dryly as he appeared from the door behind the bar. He came forward and looked at the pages, the photos Carly had left behind. His quick mind put it all together, and he looked at Sonny. “This why Morgan left?”

“No. Not why. But it’s at the root of how it all went wrong.” Sonny slid it all back into the torn envelope. “You hear from Elizabeth or Jason?”

“No, but Laura has.” Luke poured himself a whiskey. “They’re still in Oregon. Doing a tourist thing, I guess. Laura said Elizabeth sounded all right. Don’t know if or when they’re coming back.” He nodded at the papers. “That part of your plan to smooth the way?”

“Carly’s entire worldview is built around Jason coming back and forgiving her because he loves Michael. She’s not going to like that Jason is creating a new family. One that actually belongs to him and can’t be taken away on a whim,” Sonny bit out. “When that foundation crumbles, Carly is going to lash out. I don’t know if Jason and Elizabeth are coming back soon, but Elizabeth loves Laura too much to stay gone forever. And Jason’s grandmother and sister are still here. I plan to do what I can to make that possible.”

“Well, let’s hope you’ve got Caroline on a leash.” Luke lifted the whiskey to his lips. “I’ve seen her destruction before, and Barbara’s still picking up those pieces. I don’t want to see Liz get hurt.”

“Carly knows the deal. She breaks it, I’ll destroy her world.”

Tillamook, Oregon

Oceanside Ocean Front Cabins: Cabin 22

Jason made some calls once they arrived in town, and he was relieved to find another place to stay with a kitchen. He made a note to look into other places along Highway 101 — if Elizabeth wanted to take more time before they returned to Port Charles, he wanted to be sure that anywhere they went, they wouldn’t be relying on fast food or convenience stores.

He carried their duffel bags into the room, setting them both on the bed, then looked back as Elizabeth came in behind him to look at the view. It wasn’t as close to the beach or nearly as good a view as they’d had before, but it was still close to the water.

He saw Elizabeth turn away from the window to look at the bed. The single double bed. The room wasn’t very large, but now it felt like it was dominated by the bed between them. When he’d made his calls, he hadn’t asked about two beds. He hadn’t done that in Manzanita, either.

Was that why she’d been prickly all week? Why there had been that strange tension that hadn’t dissipated even after they’d cleared some of the air on Sunday? Was Elizabeth angry or uncomfortable that he’d assumed a relationship that she didn’t want—Jason swallowed hard, his fingers falling away from the strap on his duffel. He realized now he’d never considered the fact that maybe Elizabeth didn’t want a future that included him as more than a father to their child.

He’d just assumed—

Jason cleared his throat. “I—I didn’t—I’m sorry. I should have asked for a place with another bed.”

Elizabeth drew her brows together. “What?”

“It’s just—at the last hotel, it didn’t seem to matter—” He needed to stop the words falling out of his mouth. What was he doing? “I just— I thought—”

“You thought what?” Elizabeth asked when he stopped talking. She tipped her head, her eyes quizzical. “I told you, Jason. I’m fine. If I wanted another bed, I’d have asked for—” Some of the color faded from her cheeks “Did you—I mean, do you want another—”

“No!” Jason wanted to cut out his own tongue. Why did everything he said these days feel like the wrong thing? “No. This is fine. I just—”

“This is insane,” Elizabeth muttered, dragging her hands down her cheeks, then through her hair. “We’re just tip-toeing around each other, and every time we talk about anything more than the scenery for more than five minutes, we start arguing. Why?” He saw a shimmer of tears in her eyes. “Why can’t we just go back to how things used to be?”

He nearly told her he didn’t know, but it was a lie. “Because there’s no going back.” Their eyes met. “Because things used to be that we ran into each other sometimes at Kelly’s or on the docks, and we talked. I’d give you a ride home sometimes.”

“In the studio then. When I was taking care of you. We were practically living together—”

“I was hurt,” Jason told her gently. “And you were fighting everyone who walked through the door. Elizabeth—” He paused, but he’d promised himself he wouldn’t lie. He wouldn’t hold back. “You wanted to give us both time to let this sit — but it’s been a week. And every time I bring up the baby, you start an argument.”

She closed her eyes. “I know I do that. I don’t mean to—”

“Even right now you want to turn back the clock to when things were easier. That’s never going to happen. Because it was easier when you were just my friend.” His chest seized. “Or maybe that’s what you want us to do. To just be friends.”

“I didn’t say that—” Her mouth trembled. “I don’t—I don’t know. It’s all so hard. And I just want it to stop. You keep pushing me, and I keep telling you I’m not ready—”

“Fine.” Jason put up a hand and she closed her mouth. “I’ll stop pushing. No matter what I do, I’m wrong.” He raked his hand through his hair. “I’ll go out and find something for dinner.”

“Jason—”

“I’ll be back.”

He left her standing in the bedroom, tears staining her cheeks. He was tired of always being wrong, of always feeling like he was going too fast or asking too much. What was the point of her being here if she didn’t want to talk about anything important for more than a few minutes?

——-

She’d done it again. Jason had even given her a perfect opening to talk about their relationship — and Elizabeth had completely blown it and sent him away.

Again.

Of course she didn’t want to go back to being just friends. She wanted so much more—she wanted to be with him—just like that night at the penthouse or at the house—she wanted to curl up in his arms and let herself believe it was real—

But it wasn’t real. It couldn’t be. Because as amazing as those nights were, Jason had still left. She’d told him to go—but he’d stayed gone. Had she thought he’d never come back? What had she expected that night in January? She’d all but begged him for a night together like he was going off to war and might never come home.

He’d left her. It didn’t matter that she’d known it was a good idea, or that he’d needed to go. He’d gone. Just like Lucky. Her grandparents. Her parents. Both her siblings. Everyone left her, eventually. Willingly or unwillingly.

And sure, he’d thought about her a few times. Had sent a few postcards. But he’d called Sonny and Emily. He’d found the willpower to stay away and not hear her voice for two months. And he’d still be gone if she hadn’t tracked him down.

The tears slid down her cheeks as she sank onto the bed. He was excited about being a father, but Elizabeth couldn’t trust—couldn’t let herself believe that he was also excited about being back with her, too. This was such a mistake. This entire trip. What had she expected—a few days and he’d declare his undying love?

Elizabeth scrubbed at her face. When he came back, she’d throw in the towel. There was no point in dragging this out. They might as well go back to Port Charles and reality. If he was going to end up resenting her, better to get it over with.

But first she was going to wash her face. She looked at the nearly identical black duffel bags and unzipped the side pouch of the closest to her, expecting to find her toiletry bag—but instead found a stash of postcards. She snatched her hand back, realizing this was Jason’s bag, not hers—but—

Postcards.

She glanced over her shoulder like a guilty child, then pulled the stack out, sitting on the bed as she sorted through them.

Elizabeth frowned at the one on top — from Cannon Beach, a place they’d passed earlier. He’d written her address, but nothing else. There were two other blank ones from the same place. Then from Astoria—where she knew he’d sent that last card.

But here were more from the same place, half written.

I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to stop. If I let you go—

But I have to. You deserve more than this. And maybe I do, too. I miss you. I will never stop missing you.

But there’s nothing left to say. I can’t stay, and you can’t go. Nothing has changed in three months.

Her breath caught at the card he hadn’t sent her, then at the rest of the stack. There were cards from South Dakota and Texas, all dated after that trip he’d made to Port Charles. After she’d asked him to stop sending them.

And before that—the cards from Arizona and New Orleans and Miami—for every card he’d sent, there were three or four more he hadn’t. And cards dated from places she hadn’t known about. Two from Alabama, three from Utah—

Most had some sort of message, all variations of how much he missed her, and wished he could come back—

So many places. So many of them half-scribbled one, others with nothing more than her name and a date. Elizabeth tried to put them in order, but she couldn’t—there were three or four for each date—the tears spilling down her cheeks as she realized what these postcards meant.

He’d left Port Charles, but he’d meant it when he said thought about her all the time. Nearly every day. Everywhere he went. Her fingers were shaking as she found another postcard where he’d written about missing her. Thinking about that night and how he’d never wanted it to end.

She heard the door open, and she tried to gather them back in a stack to shove them back into the bag, but Jason was already through the door, in mid-sentence by the time she realized it.

“Hey, I think we need—” He stopped, stared at her. At the postcards in her lap and over the bed. Then back at her.

Do you remember not long ago?
When we used to live for the night time
Cherish each moment
Now we don’t live we exist
We just run through our lives
So alone
That’s why you’ve got to hold me
– Hold Me, Savage Garden

---

Sunday, April 23, 2000

Manzanita, Oregon: Ocean Inn

Jason woke just as the rays of the sun began to peek around the curtains pulled over the windows, creating streaks of light in their hotel room. He was laying on his stomach, his head turned away from the window, towards Elizabeth still sleeping deeply beside him. She’d curled up on her side, one hand tucked beneath the pillow, the other lying next to him.

He wasn’t sure how long he lay there, memorizing every inch of her face, listening to her slow and even breathing. It had been so strange the night before. After the phone call with Emily, they’d gone out to get something to eat, and the conversation had been stilted as she picked at her pizza, and he wondered if he should have found a place with a better menu. Shouldn’t she be eating fresh food? More fruits? Or something. He hadn’t really been around anyone who was pregnant.

They’d never had trouble talking to one another—from the moment he’d shoved that jerk away from her in Jake’s and she’d lit into him about stepping in when she hadn’t asked for help, there had never been an uncomfortable moment. Or a tense silence.

She was still in Oregon because they needed time to figure things out. To let the reality sink in. Just a few weeks ago, she’d told him she couldn’t go—and he’d been almost as sure that he couldn’t stay. And now—

Now he didn’t know where either of them stood or if he could be certain she wasn’t staying because of the baby. Because she felt obligated to him after all their conversations about Michael. And he had to admit to himself she wasn’t wrong to wonder—would he return to Port Charles because he felt the pressure to do what was right, what was expected?

Elizabeth’s breathing changed, grew a bit shorter, more shallow, and she shifted, burrowing her face into the pillow as she shifted through the layers of waking. “Too much sun,” she muttered, rolling away from the window, onto her belly. She sighed, then twisted her head to face him, her eyes little more than slits of blue. “Hey,” she mumbled. “What time…”

“Almost seven,” he said. He rolled onto his side, propped himself up on his elbow. “Do you want something to drink? Water?”

“Ugh.” Elizabeth ground the heels of her hands into her eyes, then slowly sat up, her hair tangled and mussed. “No. I—” She stifled a yawn. “No. Wait.” She cleared her throat. “Yes. Actually, I’m starving.” Her cheeks flushed and she looked at him. “I’m never hungry in the morning.”

Jason’s smile was small as he sat up as well. “I remember. But maybe…”

“Maybe because I’m…” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I’m eating for two,” she said slowly. “That feels so strange to say,” she murmured. She rested a hand on her belly which, to his eyes, didn’t look any different than it had when he’d seen her last. “But I am.”

“I’ll go get something to eat,” he offered. “What do you want?”

“I—” She furrowed her brow. “Sausage. And bacon. Waffles. Or maybe pancakes. I don’t know. Everything.”

He didn’t really know how to fill that request—he’d been thinking about grabbing something at the fast food place he’d seen as they’d checked in the night before. “I don’t think Burger King has waffles.”

“No, probably not.” Elizabeth swung her legs over the side. “But wasn’t there a diner or something we passed?”

“Yeah.”

“They’ll have breakfast.” She yawned again and padded over to the bathroom. “I’ll get a shower, unless you want to get one first. You’re faster.”

“No, you go ahead.”

She didn’t protest again, only grabbed a few things from the duffel she’d left next to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. Jason found himself grinning at her sudden urge to eat everything—and then it faded slightly. She was really pregnant. They were really having a child together.

He was going to be a father again. No, he corrected himself. He was already a father — he wasn’t going to sit back and let Elizabeth go through any of this alone. After they went to the diner, he’d find a bookstore and buy one of the books she mentioned.

He wanted—needed—to know everything.

Spencer House: Living Room

Laura smiled when she saw Bobbie on the other side of the door. “Well, this is a nice surprise. You just missed Lulu—Luke picked her up to spend the weekend with him—”

“Oh.” Bobbie blinked. “That’s…I don’t know why that surprises me,” she said after a moment. “He always spent so much time with Lucky, but I guess I thought he’d be more unsure what to do with a daughter one-on-one.”

“Well, he’s trying to figure out. And I appreciate him doing it.” Laura closed the door. “Thanks so much for keeping her while we were gone. And—” She paused. “And for not asking a lot of questions, I guess.”

“I know it has something to do with Elizabeth and that she didn’t want a lot of people to know.” Bobbie sat on the sofa. “I’m not going to pry. I just want to know if she’s all right.”

“She is. She’s going to tell you what’s going on,” Laura told her. “As soon as she can. I don’t even think she meant to tell me, except she blurted it out and I happened to be there—”

“She’s been a bit distant with me since Jason left,” Bobbie said with a sigh. “I think because of Carly. She’s angry with Carly for some stunts she pulled, and if she comes around me, Carly usually pops up.”

“I’m sure that’s not it—”

“Well, if it is—I can understand it. I trust that Elizabeth knows where to find me if she needs me—the other thing I wanted to tell you,” Bobbie said, “is that Nikolas stopped by while you were out of town. I’m not sure why since he and I are a bit tense with each other these days.”

“Seems to be a common theme these days.” Laura sat next to Bobbie. “I know he and Elizabeth are in the same boat—”

“It’s different for them,” Bobbie said. “To the best of my knowledge, Elizabeth has cut ties. She’s trying to be civil because of you and Emily—”

“About Christmas? I thought Nikolas planned to apologize—”

“You weren’t there,” Bobbie reminded her. “He made a huge scene and announced to the entire party—which meant most of the town, too—that Jason was sleeping with Elizabeth. It wasn’t true, but even if it was, it wasn’t his business. Even worse, he started a fist fight with Jason—” Bobbie made a face. “She’d hate me for telling you this, but it was even worse. He tried to apologize, but Elizabeth wasn’t feeling forgiving, and Nikolas said some cruel things. He blames Jason for Lucky, Laura. And it’s part of the reason he’s so angry.”

Laura sighed and got to her feet, wandering towards the mantel, feeling restless. “I’ve told him over and over again that Jason and Sonny had nothing to do with it. But he needs someone to blame. That’s the Cassadine in him, I suppose. You said he came by while we were gone?”

“He’d clearly found out that you and Elizabeth had left — and he was looking for information. I told him what you told me—about going to see Emily. I called her last night — Nikolas checked up on the story. Emily covered, but—”

“But,” Laura said with a nod. “I’m sure it doesn’t matter, but I can tell you that Luke and I flew to Oregon because Elizabeth needed to see Jason. We only went to be sure she found him — we didn’t have a firm destination. That’s where she is — with him.”

“Oh.” Bobbie pressed her lips together, absorbed that information. “All right. I assume I’ll hear from her—”

She stopped when they heard the knock at the door, and before Laura could cross the room to open it, Nikolas entered, his smile falling when he saw Bobbie there. “Mother,” he said tightly, closing the door. “I was hoping to see Lulu.”

“She’s with her father,” Laura said. “I’m sorry, I would have told you if you’d called. Saved you a trip—”

“Can’t I see you?” he asked, kissing her cheek, flashing another cool look at Bobbie, who just arched a brow. “How was your trip? You didn’t stay long.”

“Oh, I just wanted to get Elizabeth settled in the city.” Laura took a seat. “And do some shopping. Elizabeth is staying with Emily for a while. Getting a change of scenery.”

“And Luke helped?” Nikolas said pleasantly. A shiver slid down Laura’s spine. “I noticed he wasn’t around.”

“I couldn’t tell you where Luke was. The divorce is nearly final,” Laura replied, her voice steady. “We’re not in each other’s pockets. I’m sorry for the short notice, I suppose Elizabeth felt a bit lonely and wanted to see Emily.”

“I’m sure that’s all it is.” Nikolas finally looked at Bobbie. “I’ve spoken with my father. Apparently, you’re concerned for me.” His tone suggested her worry was unwelcome.

“I’ve don’t like the behavior I’ve seen the last few months—”

“You mean you don’t like that I’m the only one with the courage to take Elizabeth to task for what she’s done,” Nikolas snapped out. He got to his feet. “Jason nearly got her killed on New Year’s—you were there—it wasn’t enough that his life took my brother, it has to put Elizabeth in the grave, too?”

“Elizabeth is an adult, capable of making her own decisions.” Bobbie rose. “And Lucky’s death was a tragic accident. Shame on you for using it this way, for doing this in front of your mother—”

“Shame on you for encouraging Elizabeth,” Nikolas retorted. “For making her think what she’s done is right. Will she have to end up like me before you see the danger? Choking on her own blood in a parking lot?”

Laura stepped between them. “Please don’t—”

“No. No!” Nikolas repeated when his mother took his arm. “I won’t pretend. I won’t be like everyone else with their head in the sand. He’s a killer, Mother. He took advantage of Elizabeth, and you’re just letting it happen—”

“It’s not that simple—”

“I should have known you wouldn’t take my side.” He stalked the door. “You’re still choosing everyone over me—”

Nikolas slammed the door, the glass pane rattling in his wake. Bobbie exhaled slowly and looked at her sister-in-law. “He’s just trying to make you feel guilty—”

“It worked,” Laura said, sinking back onto the sofa, her expression troubled. “He’s not wrong, Bobbie—”

“Laura—”

“About Lucky, yes. But I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wish Elizabeth had chosen anyone else. I’ve had a lifetime living on the fringes of this life.” Laura sighed. “I’ll respect her choice. I’ll support it. Haven’t I already? But it’s hard to be angry at Nikolas when he’s only speaking the truth. He nearly died because of Jason. And that bomb—”

“It’s not our choice to make. Or our risk to take,” Bobbie said. She sat down, took Laura’s hand. “All we can do is love her.”

“If I have to bury one more—if either of us have to bury another child that we love,” Laura told her, thinking of BJ, “I don’t know if I can handle it.”

“I’m not sure either,” Bobbie replied. “But you said it best. We’ll support her. We’ll love her, and we’ll hope the universe swings in our favor. For once.”

Manzanita, Oregon

Ocean Inn: Deck

Breakfast had gone well, Elizabeth decided, and she’d almost felt hopeful again, as she had the day before when they’d pulled over on the highway, and they’d talked for a few minutes about the baby and had seemed to be on the same page. Maybe the awkwardness had only been because they were in a room with a bed, and neither really knew what to do with that.

She nearly convinced herself that it was just that — lingering tension over the uncertain nature of their relationship. Jason had gone again, wanting to take a ride through some of the surrounding hills. She’d almost joined him, but she’d felt a bit queasy, so instead, she’d grabbed a sketch pad, her box of colored pencils and curled up on one of the chairs on the deck overlooking the ocean.

The sun was high over the sky when Jason appeared at the terrace door. Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder. “Hey. How was the ride?”

“Good.” He sat on the other chair. “Are you feeling better?”

“Yeah. I think maybe I overdid it on the waffles at breakfast. I felt better after some lunch.” She drew her legs up onto the chair, folding them and perching the sketchbook on her lap. “There’s a grocery store a few blocks away that had some soup and sandwiches. I grabbed some for you.”

“Soup?” he echoed with a lift of his lips into a half smile. “What kind?”

Elizabeth smirked. “I nearly grabbed cream of broccoli, but I figured you’d prefer minestrone.” She tipped her head as he reached into a bag and pulled out a book. “You went shopping?”

“I passed a bookstore on my way back in.” He held up the cover which showed a woman with her arms wrapped around a pregnant belly. “I told you I wanted to get one.”

“You did,” Elizabeth murmured, her stomach fluttering. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. “I’ve never really been around anyone who was pregnant,” she said. “You, um, you knew Carly, though, right?”

“Sort of. But I didn’t really get involved until a few weeks before Michael was born.” Jason flipped through the book, and she was relieved when his tone stayed even. As if they weren’t talking about the reason he’d left Port Charles in the first place. “She was only staying with me a few days before she went into labor. Not really enough time to think about it.” He looked up, their eyes meeting. “Besides, it’s different. I—I want to be here. To know what’s going on.”

“Me, too. I’m lucky, I guess. I found out really early. Like, almost as soon as you can,” Elizabeth continued. “I’m just about four weeks along.”

Jason thumbed through until he found that page. “In week 4,” he read, “the placenta and amniotic sac is starting to form. The fetus is 1 millimeter long — about the size of a poppy seed.”

“A poppy seed?” she repeated. She put her sketch pad aside and went into the room, to the kitchenette where she’d stored the other half of her sandwich. She returned to the deck, her hand outstretched, a small black poppy seed in her palm. “That’s crazy.”

Jason took the seed carefully from her, almost if it as actually the baby itself and stared at it for a long moment. “It almost doesn’t seem possible,” he admitted, “that a baby grows from something this small.” He set it down on the small table next to the chair and looked back at the book. “It says you should make sure you’re getting a lot of vitamin D. Sunlight, milk, egg yolk, and orange juice.”  He paused. “And healthy fats from fish.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her noise. “Ugh, I hate fish. Isn’t there something else I can do? Anything else?”

“There are vitamins. We can find some—” He hesitated, then looked at her. “It says this is a good time to make an appointment. For the first ultrasound.”

“Oh, well, I went to Planned Parenthood to get a confirmation last week. Just to be sure I didn’t get a false positive since it was so early—” Elizabeth picked up her sketch pad. “I still have a few weeks, and it’s not like I have to worry about a waiting list. Bobbie can get me in, I think.”  When she realized Jason hadn’t said anything, she looked at him again. “What?”

“We can go back,” Jason told her. “I know you said you wanted some more time, but—” He looked back down at the book. “There’s this list of food to avoid, and if we’re always eating out, it’ll be harder—”

“I do want more time. More than just twenty-four hours. Jason, we just got here.” Her chest tightened. “I thought we both agreed—”

“We did. It’s just—” Jason closed the book, set it aside, then dragged a hand through his hair. “I don’t know what’s going to change in a few more days or weeks, and you should be close to a doctor—”

Elizabeth bristled. “Do you think I’m not taking care of myself? I know prenatal care is important—”

“I didn’t say that—”

“I’m not stopping you from going back to Port Charles,” Elizabeth said flatly, and he closed his mouth. “I never was. It wasn’t even just my idea for you to go in the first place, and you know that—you were already going to leave—”

He grimaced, and she saw the muscles in his face shift, his jaw clenching. “But you were the one who told me not to stay a month ago,” he reminded her. “I wanted to—”

“I was scared—” Her throat closed, and Elizabeth looked away, out over the ocean as she tried to pull herself back together. “I was scared you’d stay for a while, and then you’d leave again, and it would all be worse. But you also wrote me a week ago you weren’t ready to come home.”

Jason dipped his head. “I know. And I meant it.”

“I’m not stopping you from going back,” she repeated. “You want to go back? We’ll go right now. Portland’s, what, two hours from here? Let’s go right now—” She shoved herself to her feet, and Jason rose as well. “Let’s go—”

“Why are you so mad at me?” he demanded as he followed her inside, watching as she stalked over to the phone. “If you’re not stopping me, then what is this? You’re angry because I want to go back—”

“I’m not angry—” Elizabeth closed her hand around the cell phone, not even sure who she’d call or how to book a flight from a phone anyway. She turned around to look at him, his expression as miserable as she felt. “I’m not angry,” she said again. “I just…you didn’t want to go home a week ago. You meant it. You still do. You weren’t ready.”

“But it’s my choice, isn’t it?” Jason said, his tone stiff. “My mistake to make—”

“It’s not just you anymore,” she shot back. “You’re going back because I’m pregnant—you’re changing your whole life because—” Elizabeth stopped abruptly as Jason stalked across the room, towards the door. “Where are you going?” she asked, hating how her voice sounded. How the words shook, and she wanted to crawl inside herself, despising how she’d picked a fight when he’d been so excited talking about the baby. “Jason—”

“I’m just—” He turned back at the door. “I’m taking a walk,” he told her gently. “I get it. I told you I couldn’t come home. I don’t know how to make this okay. I just—I need to think, okay? I don’t want to argue.”

“I don’t either—”

“So I’m going for a walk. I’ll be back.”

He didn’t slam the door as he left, but he might as well have. Tears stung her eyes and slid down her cheeks. She’d ruined everything. Just like she always did.

Manzanita Beach

Jason left his boots just outside the door and crossed the few yards until he was on the beach. He missed the water — not just in Port Charles, but the private beaches on the island where he could sit and listen to the surf for hours without running into a single person.

The sand here was hard, and his feet didn’t sink down the way they did on the island, but it was as good as it was going to get. He walked until he’d nearly reached the water, then started to walk along the shoreline.

He didn’t know how they’d started fighting or why it was such a crime to suggest that the mother of his child should be safe at home, in the city where she’d insisted that she needed to be. Close to doctors and with a kitchen to cook healthy food. He shoved his hands into his pockets, angry at himself for thinking it would be simple. He’d seen that stupid book and thought if they could just talk about the baby, it would be the bridge back to how things used to be.

It had always been so easy to talk to Elizabeth before. Effortless. From the moment they’d connected in Jake’s, he’d talked to her about Michael, how losing the little boy had ripped him apart, and how hard it was to see him. And he’d talked about Robin—something he hadn’t really been able to do for months. It had never been difficult to open his mouth, to say what he needed to, to just be open and honest with her.

Even after he’d been shot, after Christmas, after the bomb, it had been hard to have some of those conversations, but he’d still managed it. And it hadn’t felt awkward. It hadn’t felt wrong. But now talking to Elizabeth felt like talking to Robin in those final days, like being around Sonny. His skin felt too tight, like it was stretched too thin, and he was fighting to burst out—

Jason paused and turned back towards the ocean, focusing on the horizon, where the Pacific disappeared into the sky. Listening to the waves as they crashed against each other, the steady way the water hit the land, then receded as another wave took its place. Over and over again, one wave would hit, then draw the water back out—it was reliable. Consistent.

He’d once felt that way. Even when the world around him had been strange and chaotic, he’d always had a piece of himself inside that felt certain. No matter what emotion had roiled through him the four years since the accident, Jason had always felt sure of himself. He said what he wanted, did what he wanted, and acted on his instincts, trusting that they would steer him well. They’d brought him a relationship with Robin, a job with Sonny—two pieces of his life that had defined him—and those instincts had agreed to Carly’s lie, to bring Michael into his life.

But they’d also led him to sleep with Carly and hurt Robin, to take Sonny’s orders literally and hurt Brenda on his behalf—to let Carly in his life so he could keep Michael—

He’d lost that certainty, that confidence that he could handle himself—that no matter what life threw at him, he knew who he was, and that was all that mattered. Had it been when he’d stood back as his relationship with Robin deteriorated, when he’d swallowed Carly’s excuses for running to AJ—when he’d walked into the penthouse, pain searing his side, and watched Carly saunter down the stairs, wearing nothing but Sonny’s shirt, buttons barely holding it closed—

Jason dragged his hands over his face. His instincts had taken a nosedive since the moment he’d fallen in love with Michael. Since he’d decided being a father was more important than anything else in his life. More important than Robin’s dignity, than their love, than Jason’s own self-respect as he’d let Carly manipulate him into waiting out her marriage—

And now, he was doing it again. The fear of not being a good father, not being enough was making him push Elizabeth further and faster than she was ready for. She’d wanted time for both of them to settle with all of this, and he was demanding they throw that plan out less than a day after they’d started. Because he believed the best place for Elizabeth was at home, in Port Charles, surrounded her family, near doctors she trusted. But Elizabeth didn’t want to do it that way. She didn’t want him to come back.

He didn’t know how to wrap his mind around that truth. Around that fact that he’d walked away from Elizabeth twice, had told her repeatedly he couldn’t function in Port Charles, and now he had to face the consequences of that choice. She didn’t trust him to stay. Or maybe, he finally admitted to himself, she didn’t want him to.

Jason dragged himself back to the motel, his steps slowing when he saw a familiar figure sitting on one of the benches that edged the area where the road curved away from the beach and towards the town. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Elizabeth slid down—towards the left side and he sat on the right side. Just like at home. She’d put on a sweater—the sun was dipping towards the horizon, he realized. He must have been walking longer than he thought. “I’m sorry,” she began.

“No, I am.” Jason looked at her, hoping she’d turn her face towards him, to meet his eyes. She did finally, though her expression was guarded. “You asked for time. And I didn’t give it. I just…I want to do this right. I want to take care of you. Of both of you.”

“I know that.” Her eyes softened. “I know. I never doubted that.”

He cleared his throat, broke the gaze to look back at the ocean, thinking again of those waves. Relentlessly crashing against the sand. Over and over again, like a machine that couldn’t be a broken. “But you’re not wrong. I don’t know if I’m ready go home. I don’t even know what it would feel like to be ready,” he admitted. “I want to do the right thing. But I don’t know what that is anymore. Or if I ever did. I used to think—” He exhaled slowly, considering his words. “I used to think that all I had to do was tell the truth. To always say what I was thinking. To be honest, even if it could be seen as brutal or cruel. I didn’t want to be a liar, to use people. The Quartermaines did that, that’s who they were, and I didn’t want that for my life.”

Jason rubbed the heel of his hand against his heart, feeling the tightness there easing. “I used to think Jason Quartermaine—who I used to be—I used to think he was an idiot. Or weak for putting up with all of that. For twisting himself around to be what they wanted. For getting into a car with a drunk because he thought he could save him.” He forced himself to continue even over the lump in his throat. “I thought I was so much better than him because I was living my own life, and no one was going to tell me what to do. To use me.”

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, clasping his hands, as he stared hard at the sand beneath his bare feet. “But I’m still that same man. I destroyed my life to keep the chance of having Michael again. I told myself it was worth it, and maybe it was. I don’t know. But I forgot, I think, what it meant that he wasn’t mine. Not by blood, which was all that mattered. I let Carly use me, push me around because I wanted him back.” Tears burned his eyes. “I wanted my son back. And that dream didn’t die until I saw her come down those stairs in his shirt. Not because I loved her. I didn’t. I lied to myself. I told myself whatever I had to because I needed to believe I could have him back again. But that night, I realized she would always have all the power. She was no better than the Quartermaines, and I was still the weak idiot who’d ruined his own life.”

And there was the truth of the matter. Going home to Port Charles meant finally confronting the reality of not being Michael’s father, not ever again, and Jason wasn’t ready for that.

“I don’t know what a few more weeks is going to change,” Elizabeth said finally, and he looked at her. “I just…if this baby didn’t exist, we’d both be right where we were a month ago. You couldn’t stay, and I didn’t think I could go. I think maybe we’re both closer to changing that than we were. But it feels true for both of us. You can’t come home,” she said, and he nodded, his mouth tightening. “And I still…” She bit her lip. “I still think it’s where I want to be. I don’t want us to make choices because I’m pregnant.”

“But the baby is a reality,” Jason pressed. He sat back, his arm stretched out over the back of the bench. “And there are some decisions we can’t push away forever.”

“I know.” She slid down until their bodies were brushed against her and she leaned her head against his shoulder. He curled his arm around her, pressing his lips to her head. “But maybe just for a little while longer.”

A wounded heart you gave
My soul you took away
Good intentions you had many
I know you did
I come from a place that hurts
And God knows how I’ve cried
And I never want to return
Never fall again
– Again, Janet Jackson

---

Friday, April 21, 2000

Riverwalk Inn: Parking Lot

Jason didn’t want to put Elizabeth down, didn’t want to let her go—didn’t know how much he’d needed to see her until he’d turned and she’d been running towards him, her hair flying like a streamer behind her—

But he’d driven for three hours, his mind swirling with an uncomfortable mixture of panic and relief. Why had she come all this way—why were Luke and Laura with her—

Finally, Jason set her down but didn’t let her get that far. He cupped her cheeks, his thumbs gently wiping away her tears. “Hey,” he managed, his own voice a bit rough. A bit hoarse.

“Hey.” Elizabeth smiled, wrapped her hands around his. They just stared at each other for a long moment, but then she cleared her throat, stepped back. Their hands fell to their sides. “Um, you probably have some questions.”

“A few,” he acknowledged. He looked around, then frowned. “Emily said the Spencers were with you—”

“Oh—” She wiped at her face again. “That was just in case you weren’t still in Astoria. They were going to help track you down. Which sounds crazy, I guess.” She folded her arms. “This—I’ve been thinking about this for days, and now you’re front of me, and I can’t seem to get my mind moving.” She pressed her hands to her face. “I don’t know how to start this.”

“Are you sick?” Emily hadn’t denied it. What if— “Is that why you—”

“Oh, no. No.” Elizabeth stepped forward, her eyes searching his. “No. It’s—no one’s dying. I promise.” She bit her lip, then closed her eyes. “What I wouldn’t give to be back at home, on the bench at the docks. Or in the studio. You know. I’m insane—”

“You’re not.” He understood exactly what she meant. Whatever she’d traveled all the way here to say—it didn’t feel right to do it in a parking lot. “There’s—there’s a marina on the other side of the motel. Some benches. It’s not exactly Elm Street—”

“But you said it reminded you of it. Okay. Okay. Let’s go talk there.”

He took her hand and silently, they walked down past the small strip of buildings that adjoined motel and towards the marina, the asphalt changing into weathered boards beneath their feet. The marina here was small, and there was just the one bench. It was more cramped than back home, but as soon as he sat next to her —

It felt like home. He turned slightly so that their bodies were facing, and braced himself for whatever had brought her across the country.

---

Elizabeth slid a piece of hair behind her ear, listening as the water gently lapped against the docks, the sound of the boats bobbing—The view might not be the same as back home, but the sounds—

And listening to it next to Jason — it gave her the courage to start the conversation even though she had no idea where it would go.

“I’ve been looking for you for a week,” Elizabeth told him. “Well, not me. I didn’t really know how to start. Sonny and Luke helped. And then the postcard came this morning—”

“I’m sorry about it—” Jason winced. “Did you come all this way because of that? To tell me again to stop—I won’t do it—”

“No—” Elizabeth slid closer. “No. Thank God you contacted me. That you called Emily. I don’t know if I could have made it another week without—Jason, I’m pregnant.”

He stared at her, his eyes widening. “What—I don’t—you’re pregnant?” he repeated.

“I found out last Friday. I did a test—and then the clinic confirmed it yesterday. And I hope I don’t have to tell you that you’re—”

“No, of course not.” Jason scrubbed his hands over his face. “I don’t know what I expected you to say,” he admitted. “But it definitely wasn’t that.”

“No, I guess not.” She bit her lip. It was out there now, but neither of them seem to know what to say. For a long moment, it was just the sounds of the docks again, water lapping gently against the wood.  Was he waiting for her? Was it her situation to take charge of? Probably, she thought. She was the one who had to carry the baby. But—

“Whatever you need or want from me,” Jason said suddenly, breaking into her thoughts. She looked at him, their eyes meeting. “You’ve got it.”

Whatever you need or want—she let the words roll around in her head. Trying to make sense of them. So if Elizabeth wanted him to come home, he’d do it? If she needed money for doctors — it was the exact right thing to say, except—

Except it didn’t tell her anything about him. And what he needed or wanted. She swallowed hard. “I don’t know anything yet. Except—” She laced her fingers together in her lap, looked away from him, towards the water. The land in the distance. “I don’t want you to feel obligated.”

“Obligated—”

“You told me, you wrote me—” She took a deep breath. “That you’re not ready to come home. And I want to respect that, Jason. I want you to be happy.”

“That was before—”

“Before you knew. I know.” Elizabeth forced a smile. “I know. And it’s okay. I told—I told you about my mother. She had that fellowship and she had to turn it down because of me. She spent the next fourteen years resenting me for taking that opportunity. For making her unhappy—”

“That was never your fault—”

“I know that—” She stopped. Took a deep breath. “I know that. But a child doesn’t understand. I know I didn’t then. I don’t blame me for being born. I blame my father for marrying someone who didn’t want children and convincing her to have them anyway. I blame my mother for not standing up for what she really wanted back then. For waiting. She finally went after it. With Doctors Without Borders, and she’s out there changing the world now. She’s doing really important work, and I don’t blame her for not loving me.”

“You think I wouldn’t—”

“I know you would,” Elizabeth cut in quickly. “You would. You’re an amazing father, and I know—but you’d come home, and it would be like last month or back in January. Like you were choking—”

“Don’t tell me how I’ll feel—” Jason bit out, anger lacing his tone, and she closed her mouth. He winced. “I’m sorry—”

“I’m messing this up. I knew I would.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Don’t—” Jason stopped abruptly, and she looked at him. “You’re not wrong,” he said finally. “About going home. I didn’t feel ready when I wrote that card, and I don’t know if I feel ready right now. But you just told me and I don’t even know if you want to keep the baby—”

“Oh.” She bit her lip. “I don’t—I’ve thought about it, I guess. I just don’t know what to do. Which makes it worse that I’m telling you what to do.”

“You’re not.” Jason got to his feet, held out a hand and pulled her up. “Emily said you’ve been traveling all day—”

“And you just drove for three hours,” she added.

“Yeah. Maybe we both need some sleep.” Jason looked over towards the mote. “You said Luke checked in? Maybe I can sleep on his floor—”

“That’s silly,” she murmured, and he frowned at her. “We’ve shared a bed, Jason. And even if you don’t want that, I have a sofa. Okay? We don’t have to hide from each other. Unless you don’t want to—”

“No, that’s fine.” He squeezed her hand, his gaze softening. “Hey. We’ll figure this out, okay?”

“Okay.” She didn’t feel that confident personally, but at least one them did.

Riverwalk Inn: Parking Lot

Laura was standing by the bike when they approached the motel. “I was hoping this belonged to you,” she said to Jason with a smile as they approached. “I see Elizabeth found you.”

“She did. Uh, thanks for coming out here. To help find me.” Jason shifted, a bit uncomfortable, and Elizabeth reminded that Laura hadn’t been around Jason since the fire the year before.

“I’d do anything for her,” Laura said. “Well, since I’m not needed—”

“I’m in Room 113,” Elizabeth said, handing Jason the key. “You can get your things. Um, I wanted to talk to Laura about something.”

“Sure.” Jason retrieved his things, then disappeared up the stairs. Elizabeth waited until he was out of earshot before looking at Laura. “I messed it up.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t so bad—” Laura began, but Elizabeth shook her head.

“No, I did exactly what we talked about not doing. I started in on how I didn’t want the baby to be an obligation, and I know I hurt him—”

“Honey—” Laura put her hands on Elizabeth’s shoulders. “Slow down.”

“I don’t know why I did that. I didn’t mean to. It’s just—he wasn’t saying anything, and then when he did, it was about doing what I needed, and it just sort of broke my brain, and then I was off—” She closed her eyes. “I don’t know why I do that. Why I had to start giving him escape plans when he didn’t even ask for one.”

“You’re scared of being hurt.” Laura smoothed Elizabeth’s hair. “I’m sure he is, as well. Where did you leave it?”

“Um.” Elizabeth  bit her lip. “We agreed to stop talking because it wasn’t going anywhere and get some sleep. So—”

“So that makes sense. I’ll go let Luke know you met up with Jason, and I’ll see you in the morning.” She kissed Elizabeth’s cheek, and they started towards the stairs, and their rooms.

Elizabeth’s Room: Bathroom

Jason splashed water on his face, then leaned over the sink, staring down at the porcelain. Elizabeth was pregnant.

She was pregnant.

And he’d sent her a postcard, babbling about he didn’t want to go home. He scowled at his own reflection, yanking a thin towel from the rack on the wall to dry his face. If he hadn’t sent that card, would she have started talking about obligations—

And what if she was right? What if he went home, and nothing had changed? What if he felt like Port Charles was still suffocating him? Christ, what terrible thing would Carly do when she found out?

Could Jason go back without going to work for Sonny again? Did he want to work for Sonny—

There were too many thoughts running around—not surprising since his world had shifted on it axis. Nothing had really changed about how Jason felt in his head, but all his reasons for leaving seemed small in comparison to what had just happened.

Elizabeth was pregnant with his child, and she seemed like she was leaning towards keeping it. And she lived in Port Charles. She’d made that clear. If he wanted to be with his child all the time—and he did—then he needed to go back.

But she wasn’t wrong to worry about what that meant. He just didn’t have the answers.

He heard the door to the room open, and he switched off the bathroom light, going into the larger room. Elizabeth stood at the window overlooking the marina.

“Hey,” he said. She turned to look at him, her eyes hard to see in the dim light. “I’m sorry. I don’t want us to fight.”

“Is that what we were doing?” Elizabeth asked, but she was smiling now. She came towards him, then gestured at the bed. “You were right. I’m exhausted, and you’re probably tired, too. We’ll get some sleep, and maybe it’ll feel clearer in the morning.”

Manhattan, New York

Columbia University: Hartley Hall

Emily dumped her books on the desk and checked her answering machine, hoping for some news. Nothing from her brother or Elizabeth, but her father had called—and so had Nikolas.

She sat on her bed, kicking off her shoes, and dialed Nikolas’s number, feeling a bit guilty that she hoped he wouldn’t pick up. She felt bad that he and Elizabeth were at such odds, and she was carrying this huge secret — but Elizabeth was her best friend, and now she’d be family, no matter how things turned out.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Nikolas! Sorry I missed your call. What’s up?” She crossed her legs on her bed. “How’s Port Charles?”

“Good. Good. I was just calling to see how things were. Finals are coming up, aren’t they?”

“Yeah, I have a few tough exams this. Organic chemistry is going to kick my butt, but I’m managing.” Emily bit her lip. “Is something wrong? You’re not really one for chatting.”

His voice was a bit tense when he spoke again. “I can’t call to check on you?”

“You can. You just usually don’t. I guess I was just worried. Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine. I was just worried about you. Going into finals, having to deal with guests.”

A fishing expedition. She should have known. Emily hadn’t expected to need the cover story, but she wasn’t going to let Elizabeth down. “Laura and Liz are staying at hotel and doing some sight-seeing. I guess she just needed to get away from things. It’s been a lot these last few months. I’m actually going to call them for dinner in a bit.” She paused. “I thought you were going to be civil. That you were trying to make things better.”

“So did I,” Nikolas said, his tone clipped. “But she’s been resistant. I’ll call you later.”

“Sure.” Emily put the phone back on the receiver and considered the call for a long moment before putting it out of her head and starting her homework.

Saturday, April 23, 2000

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Sonny sipped his coffee, then perused the newspaper. He’d hoped that Bobbie would stop by the diner this morning, knowing that she might have heard from Luke or Laura. He didn’t think he’d be getting any updates.

He’d been a means to an end — locate Jason. Not that he even knew if they’d found Jason. Damn it. He hated not knowing things—

“I hope someone pissed in your coffee,” Carly muttered as she sat next to him and snatched up a menu. “You deserve it.”

Sonny rolled his eyes, ignored her. If Benny could come through for him, he’d get his hands on Carly’s prenuptial agreement with AJ. He had a feeling the Quartermaines might have put something in there about infidelity—

He needed some leverage to keep Carly from screwing Jason’s life up if and when he returned to Port Charles. But until he had the information in his hands, he had to keep his cool.

“I don’t suppose you’ve heard from Jason,” Carly said, attempting to act casual. He lifted his coffee, sipped it. She narrowed her eyes. “You have, haven’t he?”

“Hey, Penny.” Sonny folded the paper, leaned forward. “How about an order of pancakes? Side of sausage. I’m feeling hungry.”

“Sure thing, Mr. C,” the waitress chirped. She disappeared into the kitchen.

“I don’t know what games you’re playing,” Carly said, with a huff, “but it’s not working.”

Sonny reached for another section of the paper and tossed it towards her. “You need this more than I do.”

“What—” Carly grabbed it, then hissed at him. “Is this a joke?”

“Nope. Because if you keep harassing me or the people I care about,” Sonny twisted on the stool to look at her. “You can find the strip clubs in the adult category. Should match your skill set.”

“I loathe you.” Carly shoved off the stool, and stalked out. Sonny shrugged, went back to his paper. After breakfast, he’d go back to his penthouse and wait for word.

Riverwalk Inn: Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth emerged from the bathroom, tugging at the cuffs of her sleeves. “It’s still so cold here,” she said as she joined Jason at the window. “Back home, it’s been almost been in the sixties.”

“Yeah, I think it has something do with the currents off the ocean —” Jason offered.

“I’m keeping the baby,” Elizabeth blurted out, cutting him off. She cleared her throat as he stared at her. “I didn’t even know for sure until last night but I know how. I thought about not—because—well, you know all the reasons.” She folded her arms. “But I think I can do this. I want to do this. I just—I didn’t want you to think that choice was on the table. Because it was, but it’s not anymore.”

Jason nodded slowly. “All right.”

“Okay.” She bit her lip. “And I’m sorry—”

“You had a good point last night. About what it would be like if I just went home and I wasn’t ready,” Jason said slowly. “I got angry because I hate that something like that would or could mess up a future for us. For the baby.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes. “I didn’t mean to upset you—”

“But you wanted to be realistic. And I could stand here and promise it would never affect the way I treated you or the baby, but it would be a lie. Because it already did. That day at Sonny’s, when I accused you—” Jason looked back out over the water. “I hurt you, and it was the last thing I wanted. I don’t want you to feel that way again. I don’t want to do it.” He paused. “I just don’t know where that leaves us.”

“I finished my freelance contract,”  Elizabeth said. He focused on her. “So I’ve got some time. I mean, I know I said I couldn’t go with you, but I meant permanently. I think we need more time to figure this out. Away from Port Charles.”

Jason tilted his head. “You’d stay here? With me?”

“A few weeks maybe, I don’t know. We both might need to let this sit for a while. I’ve really only been thinking about whether I wanted to keep the baby and how to tell you. Now—I don’t really know.” She licked her lips, nervous. “Unless you don’t want me to—”

“No, I want it.” He took her hand in his. Their eyes met, and he smiled slightly. “But you’re not driving.”

She laughed, rolled her eyes. “Okay, sure. We’ll see.”

Take a bow, the night is over
This masquerade is getting older
Light are low, the curtains down
There’s no one here
Say your lines but do you feel them
Do you mean what you say when there’s no one around
Watching you, watching me,
One lonely star
– Take a Bow, Madonna

---

Friday, April 21, 2000

Hardy House: Living Room

Elizabeth been locked in this hell for five days — spending her mornings at the house waiting for the mail, and the afternoons at the studio, hoping Jason would call. She knew it was insane — that she couldn’t throw away everything and stop living until they found Jason—

Since the phone company had told them Elizabeth’s plan didn’t save incoming phone calls and only the police could get more information, since the red tape at Emily’s dorm had continued to thwart Luke and Sonny’s contacts—

All they had was waiting on a postcard, another call that might never come, and hope Jason hit an ATM.

“It’s only been a week,” Elizabeth said to Gatsby, her grandmother’s cat who lay curled up on the sofa. He raised his head as if he were actually listening, then yawned and rolled over to return to his nap.

A week since the pregnancy test, and less than twenty-four hours since she’d gone to her appointment at Planned Parenthood to confirm it. She rested her hands on her abdomen, lacing her fingers across. Nothing had changed yet, and if not for the test, a period that was two weeks late and some nausea—

She heard a car in the driveway and raced to the window to see Luke and Laura climbing out. At the same time the postal carrier was walking up to the house, a bundle in his hand. Elizabeth yanked open the door, startling the poor man as he reached towards the mailbox.

“Thank you,” she said breathlessly, flipping through, searching desperately as she had every day since she’d known to expect it.

“We got a hit on the bank—” Luke called as he and Laura reached the porch, but Elizabeth had already dropped the rest of the mail, her heart racing.

“Astoria,” she murmured. She looked at Luke, holding up the postcard. “Is that your lead?”

“Yeah. He hit the ATM in Astoria on Sunday.” Luke stooped to grab the rest of her mail. “Corinthos said that the jet would be waiting when we got to the airstrip. My guy is calling around to find where he stayed, but there’s not a lot of places.”

Elizabeth nodded, and went into the house. “I’m already packed. I wanted to be ready—” She turned the postcard over in her hands, expecting just to see nothing more than her name and address—but the entire side was covered in writing, a bit cramped as if to fit it all—

“Elizabeth—” Laura put her hand on Elizabeth’s shoulders. “Are you all right?”

“Um—” Elizabeth looked at Laura, a bit stunned. “I—”

“Luke, take her bag and put it in the car. We’ll meet you there,” Laura directed Luke who followed the direction without question. When he was gone, Laura nodded at the postcard. “Is it good news?”

“I—I think—” Elizabeth looked down at again. “Port Charles is my home,” she read, a bit breathlessly. “I understand now why you couldn’t leave yet. Why you wanted a place to belong—” She stopped, covered her mouth, closed her eyes. When she could speak again, she continued, “I didn’t until I came here. It’s like Port Charles in some ways, but in the most important, it’s not.”

“He mentioned it reminded him of home—” Laura said.

“There’s no water that stretches forever, and every time I see a bench, I look for you—” Her voice broke on that word. “I look for you to be there. You’re not. You’re thousands of miles away.” She closed her eyes again, thought of Jason on a dock somewhere, staring at a bench, thinking of her. How many times had she done the same? “I can’t come home—” Her heart sank at the rest of the message. “I want to, but I’m not ready yet. I want to ask you wait until I am, but that’s too much to ask. I miss you.”

“Elizabeth—” Laura put her arm around Elizabeth’s shoulder. “He’ll change his mind when you tell him—”

“I’d be no better than Carly if I used a baby to keep him,” Elizabeth said. “He doesn’t want to come back to Port Charles, Laura. And when I tell him, it’s the first thing he’ll do—”

“Elizabeth—”

She swiped at her eyes, then went to tuck the postcard in her purse. “I’m fine. It’s silly to read into this. He doesn’t know about the baby. It’ll be okay.” She turned to Laura. “Let’s get going.”

Davis Penthouse: Living Room

“They found him.”

Alexis sipped her coffee, watching Sonny pace the room. “I thought that would be good news.”

“Yeah, it is. It is.” Sonny stopped, stared at her. “They’re on their way to the airport now. Seven hours to Portland—” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Astoria is another two hours from there—”

Alexis made some notes. “With the time difference, that puts them in place around four this afternoon. That’s not terrible—”

“Jason hit the ATM on Sunday. How do we even know he’s not somewhere else?” Sonny wanted to know. “Five days — he could be in California by now—”

“Sonny—” Alexis sighed. “At least they’ll be on that side of the country. And Luke said that they were going to start driving down the 101 if Jason’s not in Astoria. Ask at some motels. Maybe he stayed a few days somewhere else.”

“Maybe. And then what?” Sonny wanted to know. “Jason will come back to Port Charles, everyone will find out about this baby, and what do you think Carly will do?”

“You know, I’m not really that good at being positive and optimistic,” Alexis said after a moment. “I could call Chloe. She’s better than I am. Sonny, you’ve done everything you can do. We have a last known location. Luke knows how to find people.”

“Yeah, I guess—” Sonny exhaled slowly. “I just—” He looked at Alexis. “I just want him to come home and to be okay, and I don’t know if I get to have both and still be in the picture. I don’t even think I deserve it.” He sank onto the sofa. “He’ll come home the second he finds out Elizabeth is pregnant. You know he will. He would never say it, but I think he always wanted to be a father again. And Carly is going to make his life a living hell. The last time I tried to help him out of that—”

“Well, don’t use your penis this time,” Alexis suggested. His look was scathing, and she made a face. “What? I’m not wrong.”

“No. But that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to find something else. Some sort of leverage.”

“Yeah, I don’t like where this is going,” Alexis said, but Sonny was already on his feet and out the door, purpose renewed.

Brownstone: Living Room

“And then Mom got a call,” Lulu told Nikolas with a bright smile. “She got very excited, and said that I had to come stay with Aunt Bobbie—”

Nikolas looked at his former aunt, who came in from the kitchen with lunch for Lulu. “Mother didn’t give you any more information than that?” he wanted to know. “Are you sure everything is okay?”

“She said that she was going to take Elizabeth away for a few days,” Bobbie said, with a shrug. “I think maybe they were going to New York to see Emily—”

“Mommy said they might be gone for a while because they might have to drive all the way to California,” Lulu reported, and Bobbie frowned at her niece. “To find what they were looking for.”

“Oh, well, that’s odd,” Bobbie said. But then she shrugged and looked at Nikolas. “She said it might be about a week. It was up in the air—”

“And you didn’t ask any questions?” Nikolas demanded. He fished out his cell phone, intending to call Emily’s dorm and get to the bottom of this. It sounded insane — why would his mother go with Elizabeth to visit Emily? Laura wasn’t even that close to Emily—

“No, I didn’t think I needed to. It’s not my business. I’m happy to look after Lu for a few days, and it’s not like Laura and Elizabeth don’t deserve a break.” Bobbie watched him dial with narrowed eyes. “And why do you care?”

“They could be in trouble,” Nikolas bit out, grimacing when he only reached Emily’s machine. He got to his feet. “I can’t believe you didn’t ask—”

“I can’t believe you care so much,” Bobbie said. “You and Elizabeth aren’t friends anymore, or did you think I forgot about that fight?” she demanded.

“Aunt Bobbie?” Lulu said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Nikolas—” She took him by the arm and steered him towards the foyer. “Elizabeth made it very clear that she’s not interested in having you in her life. That means you don’t get to ask questions about where she goes. Drop it.”

“Fine.” Nikolas yanked the door open and stalked down the steps. He knew exactly why Elizabeth and Laura had disappeared—it was about her pregnancy. Maybe they’d found Jason. Or maybe Elizabeth was going out of town for an abortion, worried that someone would find out if she had it here.

Either way, he was going to get to the bottom of it. Lucky deserved for one member of his family to do something right.

Portland, Oregon

Portland International Airport: Arrivals Hall

“All right, Luke is getting our rental car.” Laura set her carry-on down, and unzipped it to pull out anatlas. “We could take US-26 or the Columbia River Highway—both look pretty direct—”

“26,” Elizabeth said, and Laura looked at her. “It feeds into 101. If we need to drive 101 later it might help if we scout some motels now to check.” She folded her arms, looked around the airport. She was so close to finding him, to starting the next step of this journey —

And she still didn’t know what she’d say when they did. She didn’t want a child to be an obligation—he’d come home and he’d be so unhappy—

She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, then focused on Laura who had marked the page on the atlas and closed it. “Thank you. For doing this. For dropping everything and coming. I hope we’ll find him tonight, but—”

“But we might not,” Laura said with a nod. “I know you’re thinking about the postcard. About what he said.” She stepped closer, took Elizabeth’s hand. “But don’t forget the first part of it. He misses you, sweetheart. He’s looking for you everywhere he goes. That matters.”

“I know. I know it does.” Elizabeth looked past Laura, smiling as Luke approached, keys swinging in his hands. “We’re taking US-26,” she told Luke.

“Smart. We can scout 101.” Luke picked up Elizabeth’s bag. “Let’s hit the road.”

Newport, Oregon

Waves Hotel

Jason had decided to take his time driving down the Oregon coast — he liked the way it curled into bays and inlets. He’d spent so much time inland, in Texas and South Dakota and Arizona — flying through those places in days — but there was something about the Pacific Northwest that made him want to linger.

He’d spent a few days in Cannon Beach, and then had headed south again, stopping in Newport and for the first time since Monday, decided to try Emily again. It was early evening back in New York, and maybe he’d catch her before she went out.

The phone rang twice — and then it connected. “Hello?”

Jason closed his eyes at the sound of his little sister’s voice. “Emily.”

“Jason!” The shriek came through the lines and nearly crackled with static. “Oh my God, oh my God! Finally! I’ve been waiting—” And then her voice broke. “Jason, I miss you, and thank God you called. I can’t believe it’s you—”

“I miss you, too,” Jason told her, smiling at her excitement, glad he’d done this. He should go see to the city to see her. That would be okay — maybe he could take a room for a while somewhere nearby and she could come see him or would that be too close to Port Charles —

“Are you still in Astoria?”

Jason frowned. “Astoria—how did you know I was there—no, I left—”

“Oh, damn it—”

Jason straightened. “Emily, what’s going on?”

“Elizabeth. She’s looking for you. She waited all week to get that stupid postcard you called about, and we were looking everywhere, and she flew out there—she must be on her way to Astoria right now because it was the last place—”

“Elizabeth—wait, I need you to—” Elizabeth was in Oregon. Looking for him? Why—had she changed her mind— “Emily—”

“She said if you weren’t there, they’d drive all of 101 to find you, but you can just—I’ll call her. I’ll tell her where you are and she can meet you there—”

“No. No.” Jason got to his feet. “No. I’m three hours away. She’s—she left this morning?”

“Yeah—” Emily took a deep breath. “Yes. She went with Luke and Laura. They flew to Portland, and were supposed to get there around three, I think — and then I don’t know how long until Astoria—”

Elizabeth had traveled with Luke and Laura—that really didn’t make any sense. Jason looked at the clock on the side table. It was nearly eight. Elizabeth had flown for more than six hours, driven at least two more —

“You said they went to Astoria. Do you know where they were planning to go? Which hotels?”

“Yes. Um, they had a list of places to start with, but Liz wanted to start with the water views—Jason, where are you? I need to tell—”

“Tell them to stay where they are. Don’t leave Astoria. I’ll come to them.” He didn’t want to sit and wait. Elizabeth was here in Oregon, just a few hours away. He needed to be doing something.

“Jason, wait—”

“Is she okay?” What if she’d searched for him because she was sick? What if something had happened? Why else would she bring Laura and Luke with her? “Tell me she’s okay.”

“She’ll explain everything when she gets there. Wait, wait—I know where they were going to start, I wrote it down—” He heard paper rustling in the background. “The Riverwalk. I can call the inn and leave a message or something if Luke doesn’t pick up the cell. I don’t know if he has roaming—”

“Okay. I’ll call you—” Jason hung up the phone, shoved his things back in the bag, and headed out. Three hours. She was three hours away.

Astoria, Oregon

Riverwalk Inn

From the name, Elizabeth had expected something a bit more inn-like. Instead, it looked like any other motel they’d seen as they’d traveled Route 101. It was two stories with all the rooms open to the outside. But around it—

Elizabeth stepped out of the car, wondering what about the area had called to Jason and reminded him of home. Maybe if he’d meant Courtland Street…

“All right, do you remember the story?” Luke wanted to know as he crossed to Elizabeth. “You’re meeting your husband here. You want to know if he checked in—”

“I got it, Luke.” She looked around the parking lot, her spirits sinking. It was too much to hope that he’d be in the first place they looked. “I don’t see his bike—”

“That doesn’t mean anything,” Laura said, squeezing her hand. “He could be out.”

“I guess. All right, I guess you guys can wait out here. I’ll be right back.” Elizabeth left them by the car and went towards the awning that sprawled over the entrance. The lobby was a bit dingy, but clean.

“Hello.” She flashed a smile, made her left hand was visible with the diamond ring and wedding band that Luke had produced out of thin air. “I’m meeting my husband here.”

“Sure.” The clerk smiled brightly. “Name?”

“Morgan.” Her stomach was rolling. “He might have checked in under his name or both of ours. I don’t—Jason or Elizabeth?”

The woman skimmed the register in front of her, then frowned, meeting Elizabeth’s eyes. “Are you sure have the right place?”

“No, I—” Elizabeth smiled, hoped it looked natural. “I’m pregnant—” She rested her hand across her middle. “And I’ve been so distracted and absent minded. He, uh—” She fished in her purse. “He gave me his itinerary for the trip, and I was supposed to join him here—” Elizabeth sighed. “Oh, no—”

“Wrong place?”

“I think I switched up the dates.” She set it down. “I have Astoria on April 16, but when I read it today—my handwriting is terrible. Am I right? He was here a few days ago, which means he moved on to the next place in Portland.”

“Yes, we have Jason Morgan checking out on April 16.” The clerked offered a rueful smile. “I wish I could tell you pregnancy brain goes away, but then the baby gets here and there’s a thousand more things to keep track of. Mr. Morgan checked in on April 12, extended his stay, but then left last Sunday. I’m sorry. Do you have cell phones?”

“We do, but you know those roaming charges.” Elizabeth took back the paper, put it in her paper. “Thank you—”

“You’re welcome. Good luck!” The clerk turned to answer the ringing phone. “Good evening, Riverwalk Inn Astoria—excuse me? Oh, wait—Mrs. Morgan!”

Elizabeth turned around, halfway to the lobby. “Yes?”

“There’s someone looking for you—” The clerk looked a bit confused. “She asked if someone was looking for Jason Morgan—”

“She?” Elizabeth echoed, her heart pounding. “Oh, maybe it’s my sister-in-law—” She took the phone. “Hello?”

“Liz! Thank God! I caught you. Jason called me!”

“He did?” Elizabeth’s breath exhaled in a rush. “Where is he? Did he—”

“He said stay right there. He’s coming to you. He was three hours away.”

“Three—” Elizabeth checked the clock on the wall. “Three hours. Em—”

“He said he was leaving right away. I’m so glad I stayed in tonight. You have to call me as soon as you know anything. Promise.”

“I will.” Elizabeth handed the phone back to the clerk. “Good timing,” she said, the relief so dizzying. “He was worried when I didn’t show up, and he and his sister started calling around. He’s on his way to get me but it’ll be a few hours. Maybe I could check in? My parents, too. Um, two rooms?”

---

In the end, they requested three rooms. Luke and Laura disappeared into theirs, Luke intending to call Sonny and catch him up, while Laura went to take a shower. She tried to get Elizabeth to go out to get something to eat, but she didn’t want to leave. She was so worried there was a mistake, that Jason wouldn’t show up—

Three hours became two. And her body was starting to protest how long she’d been awake—it was nearly eleven back in New York, but Elizabeth couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t shut her mind down. She picked at the food Luke and Laura brought back for her—

As the clock ticked towards ten—towards the time when she could start to expect Jason— Elizabeth left her room and went downstairs. She wanted to be outside, wanted to be able to hear the bike as it came in the parking lot—

She’d waited an entire week for this conversation—Elizabeth stood on the sidewalk, the cool wind rising off the river behind the motel. Would she blurt it out the moment she saw him? And what did he think about her being there in the first place?

She heard the roar of the engine before the bike came into sight, the headlight blocking her view as it turned from the highway into the parking lot. Elizabeth came forward, her heart racing as the bike pulled into a parking space maybe fifteen feet away. The rider swung his leg over the bike, and then his face was finally visible—

A sob ripped out of her throat, and suddenly, Elizabeth was running towards him. Jason caught her as she hurled herself in his arms, holding her tight. She buried her face in his neck, and for the first time in a week—in months—felt like she could breathe again.

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn’t be that man that I adored
You don’t seem to know, or seem to care what your heart is for
I don’t know him anymore
There’s nothin’ where he used to lie
Our conversation has run dry
That’s what’s goin’ on
Nothing’s fine, I’m torn
– Torn, Natalie Imbruglia

---

Monday, April 17, 2000

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Luke was the last person that Sonny expected to walk in this morning. His former friend and partner sauntered past the guard and poured himself a cup of coffee. “Good morning.”

“Uh—” Sonny squinted, then looked at Alexis with her stacks of contracts at the table. “Was I expecting you?”

“No. But we’re going to be partners again for a bit. The wife—” Luke closed his eyes. “The ex-wife,” he corrected gently, “or very nearly—has requested it.”

“I thought Laura wanted me to burn in hell—”

“It’s been a year,” Luke said, some of the humor fading from his eyes. “And we both know that you were a convenient scapegoat for all of us. If Moreno had been behind that fire, you’d have  burned him to ashes then, not waited all these months.”

Sonny stirred sugar into his coffee, remained quiet. Luke continued, “It took us both some time, but Laura and I have accepted that truth. I don’t know if you want an apology—”

“No. No apologies needed. We all thought it.” Sonny sipped his coffee. “What brings you to my doorway? Why does Laura want my help?”

“We got a common goal. Jason Morgan. He needs to be located. Today if it can be managed.” Luke slid a glance at Alexis. “Does Natasha know why you were already on the hunt?”

“Who said I was?” Sonny said.

“Sonny,” Alexis said, kicking him lightly under the table. “Nikolas went to dinner with Laura last night. I’m sure Elizabeth did, too.” She switched her attention to Luke. “And she told you, didn’t you?”

“She told Laura, who offered our unwavering support. I’ve been dispatched to do the dirty work. Did Liz call you with the update?”

“Jason left her a message. I had our guys start scouring Oregon. I’ve got this handled, Luke—” Sonny gently wiped his mouth, set the napkin down next to him. “As soon as I know where Jason is, I’ll turn that information over to Elizabeth.”

“The best you can do, Corinthos, is find out where he’s was. He’s been in Oregon a few days. That’s a big state—and that was on Sunday morning. What if he’s already split?” Luke wanted to know. “You know a lot about traveling with cash? How far someone can get in a day, where the most likely places to stop are? Hell, do you got any contacts in Oregon?”

“And I suppose you do,” Sonny said sourly. “Where would we be without you—”

“Don’t start. My guy has narrowed the possibilities down to six or seven places.” Luke dragged out a piece of paper, slid across the table. “The kid said the waterfront reminded him of home. My hunch is he’s talking about the docks, not the views, so a lot of the lakes are out.”

Sonny peered at the list. “Most of these are on the coast. Why do you think it’s an ocean thing?”

“I don’t. We picked the places with working piers. A mix of warehouses and amusement. Just like we got here. He thought Elizabeth would like it, too.”  A smile tugged at Luke’s mouth. “She’s got herself a history with the docks, too. She and Lucky slept under them for a time, and she spent a lot time on Elm Street. Jason worked the docks in the beginning—”

“I remember—”

“Then you know that this is the best place to start. We can’t sit around and hope he’ll buy a plane ticket or hit an ATM. And the phone records? Any luck?”

“It’s harder to get phone records for some reason,” Sonny muttered. “Emily ran into some red tape at her school—”

“Liz already called the phone company to get the number. They said they’d mail something back to her in a day or so.”

“What if you’re right and we track him to somewhere he was?” Sonny wanted to know. “How does that help us?”

“He’s reaching out more. He called his sister twice,” Luke reminded him. “Elizabeth said this was the first time he’d called her, after and she asked him not to. That tells me he’s a man missing home. He might call again. Or he might stick around this place that reminds him of here.”

“And if he doesn’t?”

“Then we’ll get on the 101 and head south. Emily said he talked about doing the Pacific Coast Highway—it starts as Route 101 in Washington.” Luke raised his brows. “Does that sound familiar?”

“Yeah. Yeah, he talked about it some. All right.” Sonny heaved a sigh. “I’ll have my guys focus here. Call some of the hotels and motels in the area to see if we can find him. And hope we get a hit on the phone or bank—”

“Or that postcards shows up and he’s still there.” Luke got to his feet. “When you find him, let me know. Me and Laura, we’re going to take Elizabeth where she needs to go. So we can be there no matter how this turns out—”

“Jason’s going do the right thing,” Sonny said, offended. He shoved himself to his feet. “You’re not her father, and I don’t see a shotgun—”

“However it turns out,” Luke repeated, then left.

Sonny scowled and sank back to his seat. “Arrogant jackass,” he muttered.

“Are you talking about yourself?” Alexis said pleasantly. Sonny shot her a look. “I get that you want to deliver Jason to Elizabeth so you can make up for whatever crime you think you committed, but at the end of the day, as long as we find him, that’s what should matter.”

“I know that—”

“Then don’t go around Luke on this. He’s got contacts you don’t, you got the financial resources. That’s why you used to make a half decent team,” Alexis reminded him. She got to her feet. “Now you’re sniping at each other because you both want to be the hero. Knock it the hell off.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Elizabeth tried not to wince as Nikolas came into the diner, saw her, and smiled hesitantly. She returned the smile, then looked at the counter to see if her lunch was ready. She just wanted to pick up her food and head back to the studio. She’d been there since saying goodbye to Emily, hoping Jason might call again.

“Hey.” Nikolas slid into the stool next to her. “I was hoping to run into you here—”

“I’m not—I’m just waiting on a to go order.” Elizabeth cleared her throat. She’d promised civility. “Uh, how are things?”

“Good. Good.” Nikolas flipped over the coffee cup, waited as the waitress poured. “Last night—it was nice but it was awkward. I don’t think Mother will do it again.”

“No, probably not.” Elizabeth checked her watch. “I’m sorry you didn’t get to see Emily much while she was here.”

“She’ll be home soon,” Nikolas said with a shrug. “I’m sure you both had a lot to do.” He paused. “And this is awkward.” When she frowned at him, he gestured at the space between them. “This. I know you’re still not happy with me—”

“Nikolas—”

“But am I at least allowed to say I miss your friendship?” he asked. “I may not have deserved it, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate it. I wouldn’t have survived everything with Katherine if it wasn’t for you.”

She didn’t want it to be like this either, but as much as she missed the good times—it was hard to erase the bad ones. His seething anger in the studio, the humiliation of the party—and that last fight— “I understand that, Nikolas. But you hurt me. A lot. And that doesn’t go away because you want it to. I was a good friend to you, and I didn’t deserve the way you treated me.”

“I know nothing but time will fix it—”

“I told you—” Elizabeth’s lunch finally arrived. She took the bag and slid off the stool. “I’m okay with being civil, for Laura and Emily’s sake. But I can’t see us going back. I really can’t.”

“So that’s it?” Nikolas said, impatience lacing his tone. That familiar irritation sliding in. “A guy gets one chance to mess up—”

“You didn’t get just one chance. I forgave you the first time you threw my rape in my face after the Nurse’s Ball,” Elizabeth reminded him. “And I wasn’t going to let my birthday make things weird. But you were the one who decided you had a right to control my life. The studio, the party, that day at Kelly’s—if you think I’m going to forgive that in a matter of weeks, then—”

“I was hoping for a little bit of grace,” Nikolas bit out. “All the things Sarah and I forgave you for—”

“The condoms? Being angry about my grandfather’s heart attack?” Surprised, Elizabeth lifted her brows. “You want to hold those against me, fine. Like I said, Nikolas, we didn’t like each other when we first met—”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“You didn’t mean it. Same old routine. Say what you mean in the moment, and apologize later when you don’t like the consequences. I’m tired of this rollercoaster. I’m getting off.”

“I really am sorry—I’m just—” Nikolas’s hand snaked out to grasp her arm. “Please. I’m not holding any of that against you. I just meant that we’ve both done things, said things we regret. You accused my uncle—” He winced. “My father,” he corrected gently, “of killing your grandfather—you think that didn’t hurt?”

“I’m sure it did. It might surprise you, Nikolas, that I still hold him responsible,” Elizabeth said gently. “At least partially. Stefan made sure General Hospital was failing financially so he could swoop in and save it. He didn’t care what would happen to the people. My grandfather worked himself to the bone to save it — of course it created more stress on his body. Of course it led to his fatal heart attack. My grandmother might have forgiven him, and I don’t talk about it. My mistake was holding it against you. I apologized then, and I meant it. I never brought it up again, did I?”

“You’re twisting my words—”

“You’re angry because I’m not letting it go. I’m sorry, Nikolas, but I’m done pretending. You hurt me.”

“You hurt me, too—”

“When I didn’t return your feelings?” She tilted her head. “You think that’s the same thing as telling the entire hospital Jason and I were sleeping together? Of accusing me of not loving Lucky enough because I wasn’t ready to have sex? I didn’t owe you anything, Nikolas. I wasn’t obligated to love you.”

“That’s—” Nikolas’s face burned with heat, as color crawled up his throat. “You’re blowing this out of proportion—”

“I said I would be civil for Emily and for Laura. You’re the one who keeps pushing to go back. I won’t do it.”

“This is because of Jason. He’s made you hate me. He’s not even here for you—” Nikolas slapped a hand against his chest. “I’m here. Why doesn’t that matter?”

She shook her head. He would never understand and she had wasted enough breath trying to get him there.”I’m going. Goodbye.”

“Wait—”

But she kept going. There was nothing left he could say, and she had places to be.

Spencer House: Kitchen

Laura barely glanced up from the table at the sound of the back door, only turned the page in the travel guide and made a note on a nearby pad. “Are we sure we should rule out lakes?” she asked as Luke took a seat. “Some might be pretty big enough for docks—”

“I’m not ruling them out, just putting them low on the priority list—” Luke picked up the top book from the stack. “A Guide to Oregon.”

“I went to the library and cleaned out their travel guide section. When we get the location of his last phone call, we’ll want to have places to look in case he’s moved on—” Laura tapped the pencil against her mouth. “I was looking at Diamond Lake—”

“Angel—Laura—” Luke put a hand over her notepad. “We’re doing everything we can. I talked to Corinthos this morning. He’s doing the bank and phone records. As soon as we get a location, we can do this. But you’re just going to drive yourself insane—”

“Better to be doing something then just waiting around—” Laura cleared her throat. “It could be a week before that card gets here. Who knows when he put it in the mail? Or when it got picked up. And what if that phone call doesn’t come through—what if the records—”

“No one is going to rest until we’ve put these two in a room together,” Luke promised. “Sonny’s just as worried as we are. He doesn’t want to let Jason down, and you and I are looking out for Elizabeth.”

“I couldn’t—” Laura took a deep breath. “Sometimes I have dreams. I force Lucky to come home. To work things out. If I had just done that, he would have been here that night. Not in the garage—”

“And he still might have lit those candles, and taken himself, you and our little gumdrop with him. Where would we be then?” Luke asked. “I thought about making the cops bring Lucky in, but he just would have kept running. He got a taste of independence and liked it. He was never going to come back.”

“It haunts me,” Laura murmured. “I feel like I let him down. But Elizabeth—I can do this. I can help her. I don’t want her to be scared or alone. And she’s not going to be able to really confront this without talking to Jason. She won’t make any decisions. We need to find him—”

“We got lot of pans in the fire, Angel.” And this time she didn’t wince when Luke used the old nickname. He squeezed her hand. “He could use an ATM today, and we’ll know tomorrow. Hell, he could be on a plane back here for all we know. We’re doing everything we can—”

“We could go to Oregon,” Laura said. “To Portland. At least then we’d be on that side of the country—if we wait, it’s a six hour flight—”

“And what if he’s long gone? What if he’s in Iowa or back in Arizona? I know it’s hard to sit and do nothing. But it’s what we have. The minute we get a confirmed location, Sonny will put us on a jet.”

Laura exhaled slowly, then nodded. “I know you’re right.” She forced a smile, looked back at her research. “But it won’t hurt to go through these books and know the lay of the land if we need it.”

“No, it won’t.” Luke reached for a book of his own. “Let’s do it.”

Studio

Elizabeth ripped another sketch from the pad, crumbled it, and tossed it aside. Nothing was coming out right, and she had a contract due at the end of the month. Now, more than ever, she needed to make this work.

If she could make a decent enough body of work with the greeting cards, she was going to try to get an agent who could get her work illustrating other things. She could do children’s books, couldn’t she? Or maybe art for doctors and hospitals, and other places that liked plain, boring landscapes.

In order to get there, she had to come through. She had to build a reputation. She needed three more prints for this contract—

But all she could do was stare at her phone and will it to ring.

What if it did ring? What if it was Jason on other side of the line? What was she going to say to him?

What would she say when they finally tracked him down—Elizabeth let her head fall back as she stared at the ceiling. Four days she’d known about this pregnancy — less than, since it had been almost Friday evening when she’d taken the first test — and she was still nowhere.

The best choice for everyone, probably, was to terminate. She was too young, too financially unstable, and too unsure of what her future looked like. No one would blame her. Maybe Jason would be upset if she did it without finding him, but—

But.

Elizabeth slid her hand over her abdomen which didn’t feel any different than it had on Friday. She still had trouble sleeping, and she still had a bit of nausea, but—

Elizabeth set the sketch pad aside and went over to the answering machine, pressing play.

“I’m—I’m sorry. I know you said it was too hard, and I shouldn’t have called.”

She paused the tape, nearly rewound it again. He knew he wasn’t supposed to call, but he’d done it anyway. He’d been selfish. Why? Because he’d needed to hear her voice? Nearly as much as she’d needed to hear his?

“…I’m sorry I’m not there. Today. I should be. I almost did, but I can’t until I’m ready to stay, and I’m not.”

That was the part of the message that gave her the most hope. He’d nearly come home — but he’d stopped himself. He wasn’t ready to stay, but maybe it meant he wanted to. And he’d told her, so he wanted a future with her. Or was she reading too much into this? Elizabeth scowled, and walked away from the machine—then winced, and went back. If she didn’t finish replaying it, the machine would record over him. And right now — this was all she had.

“I’ve, uh, been in Oregon the last few days. You’d like it. The—it’s waterfront. It’s almost like home, but it’s not the same. I—I hope you’re okay.”

The tape whirled to a stop, and Elizabeth opened the machine, removed it, and put a new one in. She closed her fist around it, took a deep breath. “I’m okay. No matter what happens, I’ll be okay.”

And wherever Jason was, she hoped he was okay, too.

Cannon Beach, Oregon

The Wayside Inn

Jason glanced at the clock on the night table, and sighed when the phone didn’t connect. He wanted to talk to his sister — he hadn’t heard her voice in months. “Hey, Emily. I guess I missed you again. I’m, uh, going to keep trying. I hope classes are good, and that New York is fun. I’m in Oregon—” He glanced around the room. “Sticking to the coast, mostly. You know I like the water. Uh, I’ll try again later. Good night.”

He hung up the phone, then went over to the table, already irritated at the set of postcards that had been given to him when he checked in. He hadn’t even bought them this time, but—

He picked up a pen, stared at the card, then started to write. Scowled at the first attempt, then reached for the second one. When that didn’t go any better, Jason shoved both into his bag, switched off the light and went to bed.

Sometimes
I feel the fear of
Uncertainty stinging clear
And I, can’t help but ask myself how much I’ll let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It’s driven me before and seems to have a vague
Haunting mass appeal
But lately I’m beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
– Drive, Incubus

---

Saturday, April 22, 2000

Riverwalk Inn: Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth opened the door to find Laura on the other side. “Come on in. I’m almost ready—” She backed up, gesturing at the room where the contents of her carry on were scattered across the bed. “Do you want do the same diner for breakfast?”

“That’s fine.” Laura scanned the room. “Where’s Jason?”

“He went to fill up the gas tank on the bike. He drove straight here last night and it was basically on empty.” Elizabeth sank onto the bed. “We talked a little this morning. I’m keeping the baby.”

“Well, that’s progress.” Laura sat next to her, squeezed her hand. “Is he going to come back to Port Charles?”

“That’s where we’re still figuring things out,” Elizabeth admitted. “He’s not ready to come back. He said he would for the baby, but—” She paused. “I’m going to stay out here for a little while. I think Jason and I just need time. It’s not fair to expect him to have all of the answers when he’s had less time to think than I have. I don’t think it’ll be easier in Port Charles, so it’s better if I stay out here.”

“I think that’s a good idea. And it’ll be good for you both to reconnect. To remember how much you care about one another,” Laura added.

“Thank you. For coming all this way. I definitely—I could have done it by myself but I’m glad I didn’t have to.”

“That’s the good part about being a family.” Laura hugged her with one arm. “Luke and I will clear out after breakfast. It’ll be easier for you when it’s just the two of you.”

“It always is,” Elizabeth said on a wistful smile. Her stomach rumbled. “On that note, I definitely need to eat something.”

Riverwalk Inn: Parking Lot

Jason switched off the engine and frowned at the sight of Luke in front of Elizabeth’s motel room. “Is everything okay?” He swung his leg over the bike. What if Elizabeth was sick or needed—

“She’s all right. Laura just went in talk to her before we headed out for breakfast.” Luke cleared his throat. “You doing all right with all of this? I know it’s probably the last thing you were expecting.”

“I’m fine, Luke,” Jason said stiffly, uninterested in a heart to heart with the older man.

“Uh huh.” Luke shrugged. “All right. Well, let me say that we’ve kept it quiet back home. She just found out, and it’s just us, Emily, Sonny, and Alexis who know. Far as I’m concerned, that’s probably for the best until you’ve made some decisions.”

Jason grunted, but Luke wasn’t wrong. If he wasn’t back in Port Charles to handle the situation, he wasn’t wild about Elizabeth’s pregnancy being public knowledge—

Pregnancy. His mind stumbled over that word and sent the rest of his thoughts scattering. She was pregnant. Wanted to keep the baby. He was going to be a father again. Was it excitement or terror bubbling inside? A combination maybe—

“I don’t know all the ins and outs on why you’re not there,” Luke continued, “and it’s not my business. Except where Elizabeth is concerned. She doesn’t have family of her own to look out for her. Me and Laura are doing what we can, but it’s not the same as having her own people.”

Jason stared at him, wanting to say something but unsure how to articulate it. Elizabeth did have someone to look out for her — but he hadn’t been there. “I know.” But it would be different now. Wouldn’t it? He’d be Elizabeth’s family, and they’d have a baby. She wouldn’t be on her own anymore.

Luke opened his mouth to say something else, but mercifully, the door opened and Laura and Elizabeth emerged. “You ready for something to eat?” Luke asked, forcing cheer into his voice.

“Definitely,” Laura said. “And Luke, you and I are heading back to the airport just as soon as we finish. We can be back in Port Charles by early afternoon if we’re lucky.” She put an arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders as Luke just raised his brows. “Elizabeth’s going to stick around the west coast for a while.”

“Uh, sounds like a plan.” Luke gestured towards the rental car parked next to Jason. “You wanna head out?”

“Why don’t you ride with Jason?” Laura suggested. “You can get us a table. Luke and I will pack up and join you shortly. No need to waste time coming back here.”

Elizabeth smiled gratefully at Laura before looking at Jason who reached for her hand. “I’ll see you down there. It’s the diner on the next block, right?”

“You got it.”

Luke came to stand next to Laura as Jason handed Elizabeth a helmet, and the duo took off on the bike. “In a hurry to leave, darlin’?”

“We came here to make sure she found him, Luke. Not to hold her hand. She’s okay.” Laura took a deep breath. “She’s okay. If she needs me, she’ll call. For now, the best thing we can do is get out of their way and let them sort things out on their own.”

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Nikolas ambled towards the entrance, then ducked away quickly when the door opened and Bobbie stepped out, a cell phone pressed against her ear. He was still irritated over the treatment the day before and was in no mood to have another run-in—

“Luke? The connection is terrible—already? Really? You thought it would take longer, but—” Bobbie paused, listening to the person on the other end. “No, it was a good thing he called Emily. Do I get to know what’s going on yet or—yeah, I guess it would be better coming from Elizabeth. All right. What time do you want me to get you from the airport?”

Bobbie’s voice faded as she went back into the diner. Nikolas stepped back out from behind the wall and considered the pieces of the conversation. He’d known Laura had gone with Elizabeth, but he hadn’t realized Luke had also accompanied them.  They’d definitely gone after Jason—

Which meant Emily known. She’d covered for them. She had lied to him

Nikolas pressed lips together. What was wrong with Elizabeth? Chasing a man who had left her? Why couldn’t she appreciate the friends and family she had right here? She was just like his mother—Laura had always chosen Luke over everyone else. What would Elizabeth do if her precious Jason didn’t come through for her? Nikolas hoped he wouldn’t. It would serve Elizabeth right for being so cold and callous to the people who had stuck around. For choosing a man who would only get her killed—

He scowled, and stalked back to the parking lot. He’d lost his appetite.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

“That shouldn’t be a problem. Yeah, I’ll file the flight plan, and you should be good to go—” Sonny waved Alexis to come in as he finished his phone call. “Uh, let Jason know if there’s anything he needs from me—I mean, if he’s coming back—yeah, okay. I get it. Nothing’s been decided. Okay. By the time you get to Portland, the flight should be set. Call if you need anything.”

“They’re flying back already?” Alexis wanted to know. She went over to the table, picked up the newspaper. “Is that good or bad?”

“Hard to tell,” Sonny admitted. “Luke was light on the details. Maybe because he doesn’t know a lot. They caught a break last night — Emily heard from Jason and was able to tell him Elizabeth was in Astoria, so they were able to make contact.”

“That is a stroke of good luck.” She folded her arms. “But Jason’s not coming with them?”

“Neither is Elizabeth,” Sonny added. He picked up the phone and called his guy at the airport to set up the return flight. When he was done, he turned his attention back to Alexis. “She’s sticking around for a few weeks, I guess, for them to have more time to figure things out. No reason for Luke and Laura to play third wheel.”

“Probably a bit awkward. Like traveling with your parents.” Alexis poured herself a cup of coffee. “That’s good, though. You were worried it would take a lot longer to get them in a room together, and you and Luke managed it in a week.”

“Would have happened without us,” Sonny muttered. “She got a postcard that put him in Astoria and he called Emily—”

“Sonny—”

“He’s not coming back. If he were, he would have just jumped on a plane.” Sonny stalked over to the windows to glare out over the downtown. “Instead, Liz is staying out there.”

“Are we back to this being your fault?”

“Maybe if I apologized again—”

“Sonny—”  Alexis shook her head. “If Jason needs you, he knows where to find you, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah.” Sonny exhaled slowly. “I just want everything to be like it used to be,” he murmured. “But it’s never going to happen. I don’t know why I have to keep realizing that.”

Oregon Coast Highway

Luke and Laura, true to their word, headed to Portland after the diner, leaving Elizabeth and Jason with a decision on their hands. He’d offered to stay in Astoria another day, but Elizabeth thought it might be better to get on the road.

If they were driving, they didn’t have to talk, and maybe—just maybe, the drive would make her feel like they were connecting. Right now, it just felt strange and awkward. Outside that moment the night before when she’d run to him—

How could they begin to understand this situation if she didn’t feel like they were on the same page? And Jason seemed to agree — within an hour, they’d checked out and were going south on Route 101 — or the Oregon Coast Highway.

She could understand now why he’d felt at home on these roads — most of what they’d seen were roads that twisted and turned out of the hills, lined with trees — the water just dimly visible on the right side—

The wind rushed past, drowning out all her thoughts—and when he took one of the turns just a little too fast, she squealed—her heart pounding—then she laughed. They flew around another corner, and all of a sudden the trees dropped out of sight, and the ocean stretched out next to them, the water a gorgeous shade of blue. There was a small overlook point that Jason initially passed, but then doubled back.

He parked the bike, and Elizabeth stumbled off the bike, swaying slightly as she tugged off the helmet. He caught her at the hips to steady. “You okay?” Jason winced. “Maybe I shouldn’t have gone that fast—”

“No, no—” Breathless, she handed him the helmet and went to the overlook, taking in the vastness of the Pacific Ocean, and the quiet — there weren’t a lot of cars this time of day. “No, it was perfect.” She pressed a hand to her abdomen. “It’s actually the best I’ve felt in a few days.” She slid him a look under her lashes as he stepped up next to her. “Clearly, the baby likes it.” Then she laughed again. “Not that there’s much there yet. I think the book said it’s like a grain of rice.”

Jason leaned against the guardrail. “Yeah?” he wanted to know. “What else? I don’t—” He squinted. “Did you bring the book?”

“Oh. No. I wasn’t—I don’t know. I didn’t think I’d stay, I guess. We can always get another one,” she offered. “I went to the bookstore after the clinic and there were like a thousand choices.”

“Yeah, I want to do that. I know stuff,” he added. “But it’s not the same.”

“No, you’re good at the stuff after the baby’s born. I’m glad one of us is going to know what they’re doing.” Elizabeth bit her lip, realizing she’d made an assumption that he’d be there, but he didn’t seem fazed so she smiled at him. “Honestly, other than a little nausea in the morning and some sleeping problems, I feel fine. And the sleep was probably from worrying.”

“I’m sorry.” Jason reached for her hand. “For not being there when you found out.”

“It’s okay. It really is. Emily was great. We should call her at the next stop.” Elizabeth looked back over the ocean. “It’s so beautiful. It’s my favorite part of being in Port Charles, being able to sit on the docks and watch the water. I get why Oregon felt like home.”

“Not enough, but better than other places.”  He tipped his head. “You ready to get back on the road?”

“Yeah, thanks for stopping. The scenery is amazing when we’re flying past it, but it’s nice to be able to see it in more detail.” They got  back on the bike, and roared back onto the highway, and she felt a little better for the conversation.

Manzanita, Oregon

Ocean Inn: Oceanfront Suite

The tension returned as they checked in for the night, and climbed the stairs to their room. Elizabeth dumped her duffel bag on the bed, smiling faintly when she saw Jason stow a nearly identical black one by the closet. “I guess I have a lot to learn about traveling light.”

Jason drew his brows together, frowned. “What?”

“I had a suitcase with me, so Luke switched with me.” She tapped the bag. “It looks like yours.”

“Oh. Yeah. Hard to put a suitcase on bike.”

The silence fell again, and Elizabeth folded her arms, wishing there was a way to bring back the ease they’d once enjoyed. She’d say something silly, and he’d smile at her, or tease her back. But now they were both so horribly uncomfortable, and she hated it.

For a while, on the bike, at the outlook, it had felt like old times, and she’d foolishly hoped they could get it back without much work. But there was too much lying between them now—too much at stake, and maybe they were both feeling it.

And she was suddenly very aware that she didn’t have a lot of life experience. She’d only had one real relationship. She and Lucky had never argued, never had an uncomfortable silence. How did she bridge the distance?

She felt like a silly girl, out of her depth, unsure how to swim in these deeper waters. And she wanted to be a mother?

Elizabeth sank onto the bed, staring at her hands. Why didn’t he say anything? Why was he just standing there?

“Are you hungry?” Jason asked finally.

“No—” She looked at the phone, then back at him. “I promised Emily I’d call her, but I haven’t yet. Do—do you want to talk to her, too?”

Relief flooded his eyes and he nodded. “Yeah. Okay. Let’s call Emily.”

Ridiculously grateful, she picked up the phone and dialed. “Em? It’s me. And Jason.” Tears stung her eyes and she looked away from Jason, hoping he hadn’t seen them. “Yeah. We’re together.” Whatever that meant. “Jason found me.” She looked over, met his eyes as he sat next to her, and something passed between them that made her feel just a bit better. “He always does.”

No I can’t forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there but then I let you go
And now it’s only fair that I should let you know
What you should know
I can’t live
If living is without you
– Without You, Mariah Carey

---

Saturday, April 15, 2000

Astoria, Oregon: Waterfront

Jason had made himself a cup of coffee at the inn’s breakfast buffet, wincing as the weak flavor slid down his throat. It was a far cry from the Corinthos-Morgan coffee he’d grown accustomed to since opening the business — or Kelly’s coffee, which he’d practically survived on since the accident.

But sipping a cup of coffee from a paper cup with a plastic top while standing on the docks, the sound of a working harbor filling his ears—it was as close to home as Jason was going to get.

He found a bench and sat down, looking out over the mouth of Columbia River, and to the distance where it fed into the Pacific Ocean. At the long stretch of bridge that spanned over the river to Washington state on the other side.

He’d made the connection the night before between this area of Astoria and Port Charles, and now Jason found his mind drifting back there — to the first job he’d worked after that short, unsuccessful stint parking cars for Luke. He’d worked at a warehouse for a while, and he and Robin used to meet at the loading docks. She’d bring him coffee and smile. And worry when he drove the motorcycle too fast.

He’d found a bag money on those docks, and Robin had sent him to Sonny to return the money. Sonny had given him a job, and Jason had met his wife, Lily. He didn’t know about Brenda, not then, and had enjoyed going to Sonny’s for dinner. Lily had been kind to him and had taught him how to dance.  And then she’d died.

Jason had sat on the left side of the bench, just as he always had at home. He turned to his right and almost expected to see Elizabeth, sipping her hot chocolate, telling him about her classes. Or a painting she was working on. And sometimes she’d been angry. She’d cried the night of her birthday, when she’d returned from a party on Spoon Island, after Nikolas had tried to kiss her. Jason didn’t like to think of that, and wondered if Elizabeth had forgiven the prince after the way he’d treated her.

But Elizabeth wasn’t with him. She was three thousand miles away, living her own life. It had been three weeks since he’d seen her, and Jason wondered if he’d made the right decision leaving so fast. Maybe if he’d insisted on staying a few days—going to see his grandmother or had stopped in New York to see Emily—

He’d left Port Charles to find some peace and quiet. To make everything stop. He just wished he knew what he was looking for, so he could go get it and then go home. He wanted to go home, sit on the bench, and wait for Elizabeth to find him there. To smile at him and ask to drive—

But until he was ready to go home for good, until he could be sure, this bench and the weak coffee was as close as Jason could get to being there.

Elm Street Pier

Around the same time Jason was enjoying the early Oregon morning on the Columbia River waterfront, Elizabeth sat on the bench on Elm Street Pier, picturing Jason next to her and practicing what she would say when she saw him next. Whenever they’d sat here and talked, she’d always walked away feeling better.

She didn’t think there were a lot of ways around the words I’m pregnant so it probably would just be her blurting it out. But what came after? Jason would come home immediately. The next flight. And if she went forward, if she kept the baby, he’d stay. That’s just who he was—

But she didn’t want him to do anything out of obligation. Her mother had done that, and Elizabeth had felt that resentment all her life. Not that Jason would be like that—he’d love the baby. But Elizabeth—maybe he’d end up hating her for trapping him.  But what if he didn’t want a baby? What if he just set up child support — or if he wanted her to get an abortion?

It was just too much rolling around her head, and she knew she was just creating worst case scenarios that were going to drive her insane. She didn’t even know she wanted, and that was just the end of the story. She couldn’t begin to worry about Jason until she knew her own mind. But it felt like she needed Jason to help her understand —

And Jason was gone.

So she left the bench, because whatever magic it had held during those fall talks with Jason, she’d find none of it without him.

She continued to her destination, walking the few blocks to Harborview Towers, and the penthouses on the fifteenth floor. Wally, the guard on the desk, sent her straight up, and Elizabeth didn’t even spare a glance for the penthouse across the hall where she knew Alexis now lived.

“Elizabeth—” Sonny smiled at her, stepping back so she could enter. “This is a surprise. How are you?”

“Okay. I guess.” She folded her arms, waited for him to close the door. “I was wondering if you’d heard from Jason lately.”

Sonny furrowed his brow, his smile fading. “No,” he said finally. “He called in March around the time your grandmother died. I think the day of the service,” he added, “and I told him. But nothing since.”

“Oh.” Well, that was alarming. “Can you contact him? I mean, I—” She stopped when Sonny shook his head. “It’s an emergency—”

“What’s wrong?” Sonny asked, concern lacing his tone. “Are you all right? Did Sorel talk to you? Francis didn’t say—”

“I didn’t realize I still had a guard—” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “Okay, maybe emergency is the wrong word. Or not that kind of emergency. I just need to talk to him.”

“I wish I could.” Sonny paused. “He left me as much in the dark as you. He only called me twice. That’s it.”

“He—” Elizabeth swallowed hard. Oh, God. “You don’t know how to find him? There’s no contact information?”

“I could put out some feelers to track him down if you need it,” Sonny told her. “What’s wrong? Can I help?”

“I—” It was wrong to tell Sonny, especially after everything else that had happened before Jason left, but if Jason couldn’t be found—what if people found out about this? The wrong people? “Jason came to see me last month. After he talked to you. He came to Port Charles that Saturday.” She closed her eyes. “He only stayed one night, and left on Sunday. And I told him—I told him the postcards—they hurt too much. So they had to stop.”

“Jason was in Port Charles,” Sonny said. “I didn’t—he didn’t tell me.”

“I guess not. Um, the postcards could help track him down. I know he’ll be using mostly cash.”

“Yeah—” Sonny tipped his head. “Elizabeth, is there something Jason needs to know? About the night he came to see you?”

Oh, maybe Sonny would let her hint around about it and not have to say it out loud. It wasn’t quite the same as telling him, was it? “Yes. He—I need to tell him. As soon as possible. I need—I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Okay. Okay.” Sonny nodded. “I’ll get some of my guys on it. The last time he took money out of his accounts—the postcards—where are they from?”

“The first was from Miami, then some place in Arizona—Kartchener Caverns—and the last one was from New Orleans. I think he said he’d been in Texas before he came to see me. That’s where he’d left his bike. He also said he wanted to go Mexico and California.”

“Okay.” Sonny went over to the desk, took out a pen. “I’ll have them start looking there. You, ah, you got everything you need?”

“I’m fine.” Health insurance was probably going to be an issue, she realized with a start.  She’d lost hers when she’d dropped out of school, and hadn’t really thought about it. Christ, how much did it cost on its own? There were so many questions— “I’ve got my gram’s house, so—”

“All right. Well, until we track him down, anything you need, let me know.” Sonny caught her eyes. “Promise me, Elizabeth.”

“I promise.” Elizabeth paused. “How—how long do you think it will take?”

“Uh, with some places to look? Maybe a few days. A week. Could be longer. The thing is—if Jason takes out a lot of cash and travels light, it’s hard to say,” Sonny admitted. “We won’t be able to track him if he doesn’t hit a bank.”

“Yeah.”

“He might call,” Sonny told her. “Especially with this weekend being what it is.”

That had flown straight out of her head, ironically, and Elizabeth nodded, even though she doubted it. “He might. I don’t know if he has my grandmother’s number, but the studio phone—he knows that.” She rubbed her arm. “Thanks, Sonny.”

Astoria, Oregon

Riverwalk Inn

Jason had thought he’d check out and head down the Pacific Coast Highway this morning, but then he’d woken up and looked out the window at the marina. It was so much like his view at the penthouse that he’d called to the lobby and extended his stay a few more days. He couldn’t really explain it — it wasn’t exactly the same. The penthouse had been fifteen stories off the ground, and his room at the inn was only on the second floor, and yet there was something…

And there’d be other places like this down the coast. There’d be other waterfronts, other docks, other marina views —

Jason had called Emily again that morning, but when he got the machine again he knew she must be away, likey in Port Charles. He could always call Sonny to find out. He could even call Reginald at the mansion and talk to his grandmother.  Or he could do what he really wanted and call Elizabeth.

He nearly had the night before, but he’d stopped himself. What if she answered? What was he going to say? What if it was the answering machine? That would be too close to the struggle he faced when writing postcards—even though he wasn’t sending them anymore, he still didn’t know what to write.

None of this made sense anymore. Moving from place to place, never staying anywhere more than a day or two—it hadn’t resolved this restlessness. Staying in one place wasn’t working either. Maybe he was homesick and staying here, with this view, was making it worse. Maybe he was thinking too much about Port Charles because Astoria was too familiar.

But he’d tried to go somewhere else. He’d gone to the Badlands which looked nothing like New York. He’d gone to the Rocky Mountains, to Texas, to Arizona, New Orleans—

He’d tried everything and almost everywhere, hadn’t he?

Jason looked over at the postcards he’d bought the day before. At the two he’d already discarded. Maybe they were still the problem. Not sending them was helping Elizabeth, or so he hoped. But buying them, planning what he’d say, it was keeping it in his head. And what was the point? She was never going to see them.

Jason sat at the table, picked up the pen, and stared at one of the remaining blank ones. They were for him, he realized. They always had been. And as long as he kept this up, Elizabeth would stay in his head.

If he couldn’t go back, then it was time to say goodbye. She’d been right, and it was time he listened.

He picked up the pen, flicked it.

I don’t want it to be like this. I don’t want to stop. If I let you go—

He exhaled slowly. What would happen if he let her go?  What was the tragedy in that? Why was he still hanging on?

But I have to. You deserve more than this. And maybe I do, too. I miss you. I will never stop missing you. But there’s nothing left to say. I can’t stay, and you can’t go. Nothing has changed in three months.

He clutched the pen more tightly, then shoved the postcard away. Because that was a lie, wasn’t it? Everything had changed since he’d left.  Jason reached for the last remaining blank card.

Port Charles is my home. I understand now why you couldn’t leave yet. Why you wanted a place to belong. I didn’t until I came here. It’s like Port Charles in some ways, but in the most important, it’s not. There’s no water that stretches forever, and every time I see a bench, I look for you to be there. You’re not. You’re thousands of miles away. I can’t come home. I want to, but I’m not ready yet. I want to ask you to wait until I am, but that’s too much to ask. I miss you.

Before he could talk himself out of it, Jason slapped a stamp on it from his bag, then went  downstairs to drop it in the mail. It was the closest he’d ever come to writing something that felt real., close to the truth. Maybe it wasn’t fair to send it to her after she’d asked him to stop, but he’d needed to say it. To write it. To acknowledge it to himself. And maybe she deserved to know where he stood, didn’t she?

He didn’t want to leave this small town that felt so much like Port Charles because he was homesick, and all the time away hadn’t changed anything. It was his home, and it was where he wanted to be.

He just wasn’t ready to go back to everything that would mean, but at least now—he knew now he was going home.

Some day.

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Elizabeth peered in the window to see if Emily had already arrived so they could grab lunch and head back to her grandmother’s.

Emily wasn’t in the diner, so Elizabeth decided to wait outside—and then Carly sauntered in from the parking lot about three minutes later. Just the sight of her—knowing that the last straw for Jason had been the stunt Carly had pulled with Michael—it set Elizabeth on edge. All of this was her fault.

Carly tossed her hair over her shoulder, smirking. “Well, well, I see that you’ve finally come crawling back. You hoping my mother will rehire you now that your little dinky career has failed?”

Elizabeth folded her arms, trying to ignore the fury crawling up her throat. How dare Carly walk around Port Charles like she was something special— “Don’t worry, Carly. I won’t write you down as a reference. Unless—” She gestured at the door. “You’re hoping that my job is still open. Did AJ finally cut your gold-digging ass off?”

“My marriage,” Carly said tightly, “is just fine.”

“Oh, well, better luck next time.”

“At least I have someone,” Carly shot back. “You’re all alone. I told you that he’d get bored with you—”

“I wonder what would happen if Michael saw a picture of Jason in front of AJ,” Elizabeth said. Carly shut her mouth suddenly. “Yeah, I know what you did, Carly, but the real question is—does AJ? Does he know you’ve been showing pictures of Jason to Michael and calling him Daddy?” She stepped closer to her. “Maybe I should come over some time. We could find out—”

“Stay away from my son—”

“I don’t know how you can sleep at night,” Elizabeth snapped. “Knowing what you did to Jason who never did anything but support you. He covered for you, over and over again. If he hadn’t stepped in with Michael, the Quartermaines would have had him years ago and you’d have had no leverage to worm your way into a wedding ring and bank account—”

“Shut up—” Carly’s hand flashed up, but Elizabeth snagged her wrist, shoved her back.

“I’m glad he finally saw you for who you were. You and I both know I never did a damn thing to you. You’re the one that married another man. You’re the one that slept with his best friend—”

“Shut up!” Carly hissed, looking around frantically. “You don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“And you’re the one that destroyed everything you could have had,” Elizabeth continued, her voice softer now. “I almost feel sorry for you. You’re your own worst enemy, and you don’t even know it. I never did anything to you, Carly, except be there when Jason needed someone.”

“You took advantage—”

“I found him nearly frozen to death,” Elizabeth said, and Carly closed her mouth. “He would have died. Because of you, Carly. Because of what you did to him. I saved his life, but you’re the reason he was there in the first place.”

“I wasn’t alone in that bed,” Carly managed, her eyes glittering with angry tears. “Does Sonny get the same treatment for you, or do you only slut-shame other women?”

“Sonny doesn’t get in my face and talk about how Jason left me. He didn’t leave me, Carly. He left you—” Elizabeth’s voice faltered, nearly broken and she had to swallow hard. “Because he couldn’t breathe in this town. Are you happy, Carly? You broke him. And now none of us get to have him.”

“I didn’t—” Carly closed her eyes. “I never wanted that. I didn’t think—”

“That’s your problem, Carly. You never think about tomorrow. About other people. About what they need. How many times did Jason tell you to leave him alone? Huh? How many times?” Elizabeth demanded, nearly growling.

Carly just shook her head. “He just had to forgive me. If he’d done that—”

“Is everything okay?” Emily stepped through the arch into the courtyard, her eyes darting back and forth between Elizabeth and Carly. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing. Let’s get our food and go.” Elizabeth yanked open the door and stormed inside, leaving Carly to stew in the mess she’d made.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Alexis swept into the penthouse, paperwork in hand, ready to get to work, but stopped short when she saw Sonny on the phone.

“Hey—no, I appreciate it, Stan. I know it’s a lot of places—” Sonny exhaled. “Okay. Yeah, it makes sense to sit on the bank account. He’ll have to—Okay. As soon as you find something.” He hung up, turned to her and winced. “I’m sorry — I forgot we had a meeting—”

“It’s okay. It’s just some contracts for the property downtown.” Alexis set the papers on his desk. “Is that anything I should know about?”

Sonny made a face. “No. I mean, it’s not—” He walked over to the minibar and poured himself a drink. His third of the day, he realized. “I’m tracking Jason down.”

“Really? I thought you were okay with him checking in occasionally. You thought anything else would feel like pressure—”

“Yeah, well, that was before this morning—” Sonny looked at her. “There’s not much I can’t do, you know? I spent my whole life gathering power so that no one could ever tell me no again.”

“And now your guy is telling you he can’t find Jason?”

“I really thought—” Sonny stared at the phone. “I thought I’d make a call, and Stan would find him within the hour. And then I could—I don’t know. Maybe I thought I could redeem myself.” He sipped the bourbon. “But Jason hasn’t touched his bank account since last month. He bought a one way ticket from Port Charles to Dallas.”

Alexis frowned. “From—He was here? Last month? I don’t—”

“He came after I told him about Audrey Hardy. He came to see Elizabeth. The next day, he bought another one-way flight back to Dallas.”

“A one way ticket. Both times? He didn’t know how long he’d be staying,” Alexis murmured. “Maybe he thought he could come back.”

“Maybe.” Or, as Sonny remembered, Elizabeth had sent him away early when Jason had made it clear it wasn’t a permanent return. Why drag it out— “Before that, it’s a couple of scattered things. There was a plane ticket to Miami and storage for the bike when he left in January. Storage in Texas while he was in Port Charles. But he’s taken out cash most of the time.”

“Ah. And you can’t track him that way,” Alexis murmured.

“No. He’s under the radar. He flew back to Dallas, took out five thousand dollars in cash, and then fell off the earth.” Sonny finished his drink, nearly poured another, but thought better of it. He went over to the windows to stare at downtown Port Charles. “Until he runs out of money—”

“Well, five thousand won’t last him forever,” Alexis said. “He might already be running low. Gas, motels, food — things add up.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“Why now?”

He turned to look at her with sad eyes. “Elizabeth. She’s trying to find him. I don’t know if I should tell you. She didn’t even really tell me,” he admitted. “But I guess she felt like she didn’t have a choice.”

Alexis pursed her lips. “Sonny—”

“She’s only eighteen,” he murmured, looking back out the window. “How much more is the world going to throw at her? Do you know what she’s been through?”

“I do. Sonny—”

“She was only sixteen when it started. That’s how old I was the last time Deke went after me.” Sonny squeezed his eyes closed. “I don’t think I realized how young sixteen really was until I found out what had happened to her. It was in the papers. They didn’t publish her name, only that there was an outcry at the Baker trial. A young woman accused him of raping her.” He exhaled slowly. “And then Lucky. I was there that night. I watched her hold on to hope—” He looked at Alexis. “Taggert gave her this chain and she was still spinning dreams of how Lucky had dropped it on his way out—when he told her it had been found on the body, it was like the life went out of her.” He scrubbed his hands down his face. “I can’t stand it.”

Alexis said nothing, and finally Sonny spoke again. “She’s pregnant. It’s the only explanation for why she needs to see Jason. Why she didn’t want to say it out loud to me. I don’t deserve to know. I’m part of the reason he’s gone.”

“Pregnant,” Alexis repeated. “That’s—are you sure?”

“As sure as I can be.” Sonny went back to the minibar, but only to set down the empty tumbler. “And Jason’s in the wind. What if I can’t find him? What if it takes months?”

“It won’t—”

“He’ll never forgive himself for not being here for her. For the baby.”

“Jason is the one that chose to leave,” Alexis said, and he stared at her. “Whatever you and Carly—whatever role you played, Jason is a adult. He chose to leave without giving Elizabeth a direct contact. And she’s an adult who chose to be intimate with someone who wasn’t making her promises. None of this is your fault.”

“I—”

“And it’s arrogant to think you have that much power over other people,” she continued, and he closed his mouth, stunned. “You’re not some manipulative puppet master. You’re just human, and you made whatever choices you made. But at the end of the day, that’s it. Now, you can sit here and feel sorry for yourself, or we can talk about other ways we can find Jason.”

Hardy House: Living Room

Elizabeth peered through the peephole, then made a face, pulling the door open. “Nikolas—”

“I, uh, was looking for Emily.” Nikolas shifted his weight from one foot to another. “She left a message she was going to be in town and staying—”

“She’s at the mansion for dinner.” Elizabeth tightened her fingers around the edge of the door. “I’ll let her know you stopped by—”

“Listen—wait—” He slapped a hand against the door to stop her from closing it. “Not this weekend,” he said quietly, and she stopped. Looked at him. “Not this weekend,” Nikolas repeated. “It’s too hard.”

“Nikolas—” She sighed. “I don’t want to fight with you. Not this weekend or any other. I just—”

“I know what you said last month was right,” Nikolas added. “Okay? I was jealous and I was lashing out. I don’t even know if I really had feelings for you or if it was the grief. Lucky and I—we wasted so much time being angry at each other. Letting our parents get in the way. I didn’t really get to have my brother until the last few months of his life. It’s not fair—”

“No, it’s not,” Elizabeth said gently. “But I’m glad you had each other. I am. I just—I’m worn out. And I can’t accept this apology the way I did all the others, and wait for the next time you get angry and take it out on me. You threw my rape in my face, Nikolas. And it wasn’t even the first time you’d done it.”

Nikolas closed his eyes. “I know. I know. I’ve been an asshole, and I don’t deserve your forgiveness. I know that. But I can’t stand knowing I’ve hurt you. Lucky would kick my ass, and instead of taking care of you—” He swallowed hard. “Maybe that’s why. I wanted to take care of you, to make up for Lucky not being here, and Jason was doing it instead, but that wasn’t my place. It wasn’t. I know that—”

“Okay, I—”

“We don’t have to be like before,” he added. He stepped back, putting his hands up. “I’m not asking for the friendship. I know I need to earn that. I’m just—I’m asking for us to be civil. To be in the same room together. You and Emily, you’re important to me. And I want us to be at my mother’s tomorrow together. We should be able to do that, at least.”

“We can do that,” Elizabeth said, finally relenting. It had been a decent, even genuine apology. And she did feel like she owed it to Laura to at least try for peace. For as long as it could be managed—what would happen when the world found out about this baby? What side of Nikolas would she see then? “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you. For hearing me out. Thank you.”