Will we burn in heaven
Like we do down here?
Will the change come while we’re waiting?
Everyone is waiting
– Witness, Sarah McLachlan

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Friday, April 7, 2006

General Hospital: Emergency Room Trauma Room

Emily rushed into the trauma room, snapping on gloves as paramedics rolled Lucky in. Her best friend was bloody and bruised, his face nearly unrecognizable with cuts and a swollen right eye, and he was writhing on the stretcher, screaming at the top of his lungs—

“We tried to calm him down in the ambulance,” one of the paramedics said with a sigh to Patrick as he handed him a chart. “But he saw his wife get in a car with the guy she’s been having an affair with. It set him off all over again—”

“What?” Emily demanded, her eyes wide. “What the hell—”

And then she heard Lucky’s screams. She heard the words

“Fucking whore! This is her fault! She did this to me! She did this!”

Emily’s head spun as she looked across the stretcher to find Patrick’s blank face, stark-white. He swallowed hard, met Emily’s eyes, then looked at the other attending in the room. He slapped the chart into his chest.

“No way in hell am I treating him.”

Then he stalked out—shoving past Alan, who stumbled back in surprise. When he saw that Monica had arrived, he took off after the neurosurgeon as her mother took the chart from the other attending.

“Emily—” Monica closed her eyes, maybe to block out the word whore as it echoed in the room. “Can you deal with this?”

She took a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah, I can.”

“Where is she? Where is that cheating bitch? Is her asshole boyfriend with her?”

“Good. Get some goddamn meds and shut him up,” Monica barked to the attending. “I don’t want to hear his voice anymore—”

General Hospital: Emergency Room

The world felt like it was spinning around her. People kept talking to her, walking past her, but Elizabeth just sat on a gurney in the emergency room, holding a bleeding arm in her lap, staring straight ahead at the curtain. Jason paced next to her, glaring out at the emergency room through the cubicle’s drawn curtains again.

“Where the hell are all the doctors?” he muttered.

“With Lucky, I think,” Elizabeth said. She closed her eyes. Her voice didn’t even feel attached to her. Was she floating? What did shock feel like? Her body swayed slightly. “I’m fine—”

“Where the hell is everybody?” Epiphany demanded as she jerked the curtain back. She jabbed her finger at someone. “You! Go drag Junior Drake from wherever he is—I don’t give a flying fuck if a cop is bleeding on the table. One of our own is hurt. She comes first—”

“Epiphany,” Elizabeth said, then shook her head as her supervisor came in. She winced as Epiphany touched her chin, turned it. “He didn’t—”

“You gonna tell me he didn’t hurt you? I watched the tape. I know he hit you, obviously cut you with that knife—” Epiphany glared at Jason. “Why you still standing there? Go find Drake and get him here—”

“I’m here, I’m here,” Patrick muttered as he and Robin arrived, pushing the curtain back. “I’m sorry. I was having a difference of opinion with the Chief of Staff.”

“You’re going to get suspended,” Robin said idly as the neurosurgeon pulled on some gloves.

“Yeah? Won’t even be the first time this year.” Patrick tipped Elizabeth’s head back and shined a light in her eyes. “She’s shocky. Pupils dilated. Pulse is rapid—”

“Jason,” Robin said softly as she eyed the cluster of cops standing on the other side of the emergency room. “Maybe…you should be somewhere else.”

Elizabeth blinked at him. Tried to focus on his face, but it was blurry, and she couldn’t quite manage it. She took a deep breath, realized Robin and Jason had continued speaking while she was…

Trying to float back to reality.

Jason turned and scowled at them. “Why? Because they couldn’t be bothered to help her?”

He shook his head, took Robin’s arm, and walked a few feet from the cubicle. “None of the paramedics even asked her if she was okay. I had to bring her to the hospital.” His blood boiled, remembering the confusion and hurt in her eyes when she’d fallen to the ground and just stayed there. Waiting for the first responders to help her. Men and women who were supposed to be better than him.

“What?” Robin’s scowl matched his as she shot a dark look at them. “Why? Because of the bullshit Lucky is spewing?”

“He’s still—” Jason swore under his breath. “What’s he saying now?”

“That’s why Patrick is in trouble. He got into the room and heard Lucky demanding to know where the cheating bitch and if her asshole boyfriend was with her—” Robin grimaced. “Pretty sure he means you. Patrick listened to exactly one sentence of that and walked out.”

Jason liked Patrick Drake more and more. “So?”

“So, he can’t just refuse to treat a patient,” Robin said with a roll of her eyes. “Even if I kind of want to set him on fire, too. I mean, Jesus…” She looked back at the cops, saw her uncle had joined them. “But I guess they believe him.”

“I don’t know what happened. I never saw Lucky until it was over.”

“I don’t know either. But…” Robin hesitated. “It’s not that…I’m not judging, but if there’s any truth—”

Jason hesitated, and Robin raised her brows. “It’s…complicated,” he muttered.

“Okay—” Robin closed her mouth as her uncle approached them. “Uncle Mac, if you’re here to talk to Liz—”

“Jesse’s going to take her statement. She looked like she was okay at the docks, so we just want to know how Lucky ended up down there—” Mac began.

“Why—” Robin narrowed her eyes. “Why does that matter now? Manny’s dead.”

“Yeah, and that’s what we want to talk to Jason about. Care to answer some questions about what the hell happened?” Mac demanded, turning his attention to Jason.

Jason hesitated. If he’d thought this was about Elizabeth’s kidnapping and cleaning up loose ends, he might have agreed. But clearly, they were focusing on Lucky and the attempted murder of a cop. “Yeah, just let me call Justus—”

“Do you really need your lawyer for this?”

“You know, I hear the first responders didn’t bother to check on Elizabeth or offer medical assistance,” Robin said flatly. “She’s in shock, you know that, right? And she has a head injury. I’d hate the PCPD to get slapped with a civil rights suit.”

“Robin—” Mac sighed, looked back at Jason. “Get your damn lawyer down here. I’ll wait.”

“You’ll wait over there,” Robin snapped, pointing back to the main desk. “And I notice you didn’t deny it. I expected better from you, Uncle Mac.”

“Yeah, well, I expected better from Elizabeth Spencer, so I guess we’re even.”

Mac stalked away as Jason exhaled slowly. “They’re never going to believe this had nothing to do with me,” he murmured.

Robin folded her arms. “No, they probably won’t. I’m sorry. This is probably going to get a lot worse for Elizabeth. Which brings me back to my original point—”

“I should stay away from her,” Jason said. He scrubbed his hands over his face. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. She doesn’t need any of this. I don’t want to make it worse.” He looked back at the curtain. “Robin—”

“I’m not going to leave her alone. Emily is in with Lucky, her grandmother is flying in from Memphis as soon as she can get a flight. I have to go in there and talk Patrick into doing his job, but I promise you—” She touched Jason’s arm. “She won’t be alone. And I’m not going to let anyone push her around.”

“Thanks. I’ll go call Justus.”

Robin stepped back behind the curtain to find Patrick carefully placing a butterfly bandage on the cut on her chin. “Jason had to go call his lawyer,” she told Elizabeth. “Mac wants to question him.”

“Great,” Elizabeth murmured. “I’m sure he’s looking forward to that.”

Patrick turned to Epiphany. “I want her overnight for the head wound. We’re going to run an MRI on the head, wrist, and shoulder just to be sure. Get her a room.”

“Patrick—” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “You should go take care of Lucky.”

“What? I never said—”

“I know what he said back at the warehouse.” Her head swayed, and she pressed a hand to her forehead. “Is he still calling me a faithless whore?”

“Uh—”

“Manny called me that, too.” Elizabeth managed a sour smile. “Funny, isn’t it?”

“Not even a little bit,” Patrick muttered. “Elizabeth—”

“He’s hurt. And you’re a doctor. You should go help him. Don’t get into trouble because of me.”

“All right,” Patrick said carefully. He looked at Robin. “You gonna scrub in with me?”

“No, I’m waiting for Emily to get here. I promised Jason someone would stay with you,” Robin told Elizabeth, who just sighed.

“And that’s why he went somewhere else to call Justus. Because the last place he should be is with me. That’s going to make everything worse.”

Epiphany huffed. “Don’t you worry about any of that right now. Robin, go scrub in with Patrick. I’ll stay—”

“Elizabeth?” Jesse Beaudry appeared in the opening of the curtain. “I need your statement—”

“No,” Patrick said with a glare. “Number one, you don’t come near my patient without a goddamn handwritten engraved invitation. I’m talking calligraphy—”

Robin put a hand on her boyfriend’s arm. “Jesse,” she said to the other man, “we’re admitting Elizabeth to the hospital. Let’s wait until she’s settled and has some time. She’s been through a lot tonight.” She arched one slim brow. “You do remember she’s the victim, right? Not just Lucky?”

Jesse swept his eyes over Elizabeth, then snorted. “Doesn’t look much like a victim to me, but fine, have it your way.”

“What the actual fuck is going on right now?” Patrick demanded as Maxie’s boyfriend sauntered off. “What happened to protect and serve?”

“It’s simple.” Elizabeth laid back against the gurney. “They think I’m having an affair with Jason, and that’s why I got kidnapped. And Lucky—a brother in blue—got hurt because of it. So not only do they not care about what happened to me—I bet some of them think I deserved it.”

Robin pressed her lips together as her eyes burned. The flat affect in Elizabeth’s voice, coupled with the brutal statement, broke her heart. Elizabeth didn’t expect much from anyone at this point. The odds that she’d ever go public with what that brother in blue had done to her sl ipped from unlikely to not a chance in hell.

“Come on,” she told Patrick. “Let’s go. Epiphany will take care of her.”

“And I will slap the silly shit out of anyone else who comes in this room tonight,” Epiphany said with a firm nod. She shoved up the long-sleeved shirt she wore under her scrubs to her elbows. “Just try me.”

Outside the cubicle, Patrick scowled. “I do not want to spend one more minute of my life trying to help that abusive little piece of shit—did you hear her in there—I knew it! I knew I should have told her about the drugs—that’s what he’s on, you know that, right?”

When Robin just shook her head and sighed, Patrick continued. “He’s in withdrawal because Manny probably grabbed him before he could get his next fix, and he’s ready to set everything on fire—”

“Patrick—”

“I’m telling her—”

“You can’t. She’s a nurse, Patrick. She’ll understand when she does know. And she will find out—these things never stay hidden for long. You shouldn’t have even said that to me right now.”

“Yeah, but—”

Robin leaned up and pressed her lips against his. “I love you that you want to do something to help her. But I also heard her tell you not to get in trouble over this. And she’s had enough of people not respecting her tonight.”

“Damn it. Damn it. That’s a good point.” Patrick was still scowling as they made their way over towards the trauma room. “You’re a pain in the ass sometimes.”

“Part of my charm.”

General Hospital: Hospital Room

It was another thirty minutes before Elizabeth was admitted to one of the general wards. Bobbie had stopped by for a few minutes to let her know that Carly was keeping Cameron overnight and that Elizabeth shouldn’t worry. Cameron was ridiculously excited to have a sleepover with his new best friend, who happened to have a playroom bigger than Elizabeth’s entire apartment.

Then Emily had finally been able to leave Lucky when he went into surgery and come up to sit with Elizabeth. She’d stayed by Elizabeth’s side as Epiphany wheeled her upstairs into her own room, sending glares to anyone who even attempted to talk to Elizabeth.

While she and Emily hadn’t really spoken the last days, Elizabeth was grateful for her presence. They hadn’t even spoken a word about the fight they’d been having—Emily just planted herself at Elizabeth’s bedside and refused to leave.

Then Jesse Beaudry showed up to take Elizabeth’s statement.

Emily let Lucky’s partner in and just glared when Jesse suggested she leave the room. “Not a chance in hell.”

“Okay,” Jesse drawled. He set himself at the end of Elizabeth’s hospital bed, standing with his feet slightly apart. He nodded at the brace around her wrist. “I didn’t think you were hurt.”

Elizabeth blinked, then looked down at her wrist. “Oh. I strained it. I—” She grimaced. “I’m not sure when. I think when Manny dragged me…” She exhaled slowly. “But yeah, it’s a strain.”

“Why did Manny kidnap Lucky, too?” Jesse asked. “Did you know Manny was targeting him?”

Elizabeth turned her face away from him. “Not until he dragged me into the room. Manny said…” She swallowed hard. She didn’t think they’d believe her about the bruises. Not now, when she was covered in them thanks to Manny Ruiz. “Manny said he’d seen me fight with Lucky.”

“Uh-huh. You weren’t at your apartment last night? Manny knew you were in a different car, so he followed you to work, didn’t he?”

“I stayed at my grandmother’s house—”

“How is any of this relevant?” Emily demanded. “Manny kidnapped her, then took Lucky. He’s dead now. You can thank my brother any time—”

“Em—”

“It’s important we understand the details. You don’t want Jason to be arrested for murder, do you?” Jesse sneered.

At that, Elizabeth turned back abruptly at the smug cop. “What? Why?”

“Manny was unarmed when we found him. Jason shot him in cold blood.” Jesse shrugged. “You’d already escaped from him—How can he argue defense of others?”

“This is bullshit—” Emily scowled.

Elizabeth struggled to breathe as her heart began to race. “Manny came after me. He followed me. He kidnapped me. He tried to kill my guard—”

“Yeah, how do you explain a cop’s wife being followed around by one of Jason’s goons? Manny came after you. Why?”

She closed her eyes. “I told you. He kidnapped me last fall. I filed a report. He…he told me he was obsessed with me.”

“Really? Because he also stalked Sam McCall. Jason Morgan’s fiancée Are you sure it was you that caught his attraction and not…” Jesse sneered. “Your connection to the local mob element?”

“Okay, that is absolutely it. You are done here.” Emily strode forward and yanked open the hospital door. “Get out—”

“It wasn’t about them,” Elizabeth tried to explain even though she knew he wouldn’t listen to her. “It was me. Manny got a job here because of me.”

“Sure. You and Jason Morgan used to date, didn’t you?” Jesse glanced down at his notebook. “I asked around, and you’ve been off and on for the last seven years, going back to when you were eighteen—how long have you been on again?”

Elizabeth felt a sob bubble up in her throat. “We’re not—”

“Get out,” Emily repeated. “Get out, or I’ll have hospital security remove you.” She stepped up to Jesse, who rolled his eyes. “How dare you come into this room and use this moment to go after my brother—Elizabeth was kidnapped! She has a concussion, a strained wrist, and shoulder—she was threatened with rape and torture at knifepoint, watched her husband be beaten in front of her and you’re in here—”

“Her husband was beaten in front of her because she got herself mixed up with criminals,” Jesse retorted, but Emily had already stopped listening. She stalked out into the hallway. Jesse turned back to Elizabeth.

“I don’t care if Lucky’s been in a bad mood lately,” Jesse snapped. “He deserved more loyalty from you. Even if you weren’t screwing Jason Morgan, you were clearly up to something with him. Why else would Manny Ruiz give a damn about you?”

“Get out of this room right now,” Alan Quartermaine thundered as he stormed into the room, Emily hot on his heels. “And don’t come near this patient again!”

“She’s a witness—”

“She’s the victim, you son of a bitch!” Emily tried to push past her father, but Alan held her back. “What the hell is this?”

“Get out,” the chief of staff ordered again. “You’ll be hearing from the hospital’s attorney. Don’t come in here again.”

“I’ll be in touch—”

“You’ll be in touch with her lawyer!” Emily retorted. “Justus Ward, the family attorney—”

“Yeah, I know him. He’s downstairs defending Morgan from another murder charge.” Jesse shook his head as if he were disappointed in them all. “Man. This town has its priorities screwed up.”

He left, and Alan went after him to make sure he got on the elevator. Emily turned back to Elizabeth, who was silently crying in the bed.

“Don’t listen to him—none of this is your fault—”

“Manny kidnapped Lucky because of me—”

“Because he was insane—” Emily shook her head, took Elizabeth’s hand. “None of this is your fault. And I’m not going to let anyone tell you it was. Lucky will understand that when he wakes up.” She hesitated. “When he calms down. He’s just hurt right now. And Jason isn’t going to jail. Justus won’t let that happen.”

“I just want this to be over. I just want it to be done.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Why can’t it just stop?”

“It will. I’ll go get your doctor. I’ll find Robin. You need to sleep. You need to rest.” Emily rushed out to find someone. Within ten minutes, she’d located her mother, who prescribed sedation for Elizabeth without argument.

As Monica and Emily watched Elizabeth slip into sleep, Emily squared her shoulders and looked at her mother. “I’m gonna go check on Jason. He should know what the cops are doing to Elizabeth. I also want to make sure Justus will represent her.”

“I’ll wait here with her until someone else comes to sit with her,” Monica promised.

General Hospital: Conference Room

Jason had been interrogated maybe a hundred times in the last ten years and was generally pretty good at keeping himself under control. He let Justus deal with most of the questions initially, ferreting out what Justus thought was okay to answer.

No, he had no evidence that Manny was actually targeting Elizabeth. That’s why he didn’t go to the cops. No, Jason didn’t know why Manny had kidnapped and beaten a cop. No, Jason didn’t know Manny was unarmed when he shot him.

Jason thought the conversation was nearing the end when Mac introduced a new topic — one he’d never thought Robin’s uncle would actually bring up.

“And how long have you and Elizabeth Spencer been sleeping together?”

Justus put up a hand to ward off Jason’s immediate response. “We’re not commenting on gossip.”

“It’s not gossip,” Mac said blandly. He looked at Jason. “Before Lucky Spencer went into surgery, he claimed that Manny Ruiz told him he’d followed Elizabeth to see you several times. Apparently, Elizabeth didn’t deny it when Manny confronted her. Then Manny also told Lucky had he’d been kidnapped and beaten to get him out of the way.” He paused.

Jason squinted and looked at Justus. “What—” Jason broke off. “I don’t understand.”

“I do,” Justus said, grimly. “You’re suggesting that Jason was working with Manny somehow to get Spencer out of the way so he could have his wife, and what, Manny Ruiz went rogue?”

“That’s the story Spencer is telling—”

Jason pressed his lips together, shook his head. Justus sighed, looked at Jason, then looked back at Mac. “Give us the room for a minute. I want to talk to my client.”

Jason scowled as Mac left. “There’s nothing to talk about. It’s crap—”

“Of course it is. But you shot an unarmed man, and if Lucky Spencer sticks to this story, it’s going to create some serious shit for you. And for Elizabeth.” Justus hesitated. “Is that what you want?”

“No. I don’t care about me. But Elizabeth—” Jason sighed. “What do you want me to do?”

“You need to talk to this man about your relationship. You also need to give him something he can work with. You know Mac. He’s not a bad guy. But he’s a guy that has a cop who’s hurt and blaming the local mob. A lot of his guys are not making this easy on him. They stick together, and you don’t want them thinking Elizabeth is the enemy.”

“Fine.” Jason scowled. “Bring him back in.”

When Mac sat back down, Jason told him, “I’m only going to say this once. Elizabeth and I have been friends for years. We are not sleeping together.” That much, at least he could say without lying. “We’ve never slept together—”

Mac hesitated, looked at Justus. “Is—But everyone knows—”

“Everyone knows what they think they know. I asked her for a favor a few weeks ago, and then my sister…” He sighed. “Emily and Sonny were in the tabloids—it got complicated. We talked a few times about that. And then Elizabeth noticed that Skye was being followed by Manny.”

“Skye,” Mac repeated.

“She told Lucky who said the PCPD couldn’t do anything. And she was worried. So…” Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “She asked me to look out for Skye. Elizabeth cares about other people. She didn’t want Skye to get hurt. Eventually, I told Alcazar, and Skye went to Miami. That’s it. That’s what Manny thinks he saw.”

“Lucky seemed pretty convinced,” Mac said, but he was hesitating. “Why do you think he’d believe—”

“You’ll have to ask him that. Manny called me tonight because I’m on Elizabeth’s speed dial. She put me on there last night when Manny went missing. I was worried. I put guards on her because I wanted her to be safe. We’re friends,” Jason stressed.

“And the PCPD wouldn’t have had any reason to suspect Manny at that time,” Justus reminded Mac. “You couldn’t have spared the resources. As to the reason Detective Spencer was kidnapped, you might want to wait for Elizabeth’s statement as she was in the room—”

“Oh, Elizabeth isn’t giving any more damn statements,” Emily said as she stood in the open doorway of the conference room. “And you keep your asshole cops away from her from now on.”

“Emily—” Mac said, getting to his feet. “What are you—”

“My best friend has been terrorized and traumatized enough by one psycho. The next time the PCPD wants to talk to her, they can ask Justus. Or any other lawyer I find for her. Because this—”

“Emily, what happened?” Jason asked, worried. “Is Elizabeth okay?”

“Oh you mean, is she okay after Jesse accused her of having an affair and told her this was her fault—if she’d stayed away from my brother, she might not have been kidnapped? Blaming everything on her?”

Mac muttered under his breath as Justus scowled, and Jason’s jaw clenched. “You know, it’s one thing for you to come after Jason with a bullshit charge,” Justus began as he clipped his briefcase closed. “But a terrorized victim barely an hour after she escaped a man who kidnapped her and threatened to rape and torture her? That’s low. Even for the PCPD—”

“That was not what was—” Mac closed his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said finally. “He shouldn’t have asked it that way—”

“What does that mean?” Emily demanded, incensed beyond practicality now.

“Look, I like Elizabeth. I always have. But let’s not pretend that she doesn’t share at least a portion of the blame here—”

Jason growled and took a step forward. Justus shoved him back. “Don’t make this worse, Jason,” he hissed.

“Worse?” Jason repeated. “How can I make this worse? Are you listening to this? No one gives a damn about what happened to Elizabeth—”

“I can’t even find out what happened to her,” Mac said, throwing up his hands.

“All you had to do was ask her,” Justus said. “But don’t worry. You can ask her when hell freezes over. My clients are finished speaking with you. You want to talk to them again, you bring an arrest warrant.” He glared at the commissioner. “You have daughters. Would you want them treated this way? Would you want Robin to be treated this way?”

Mac exhaled slowly. “I’ll talk to my men,” he said after a long moment. He looked at Emily. “I’m sorry.”

“I’m not the one you should apologize to.” She stepped aside. “Get out of this hospital, or I’ll have my father escort you out the way he did Jesse.”

“I’ll be in touch,” Mac told Justus, then left.

Emily collapsed into a chair, tears streaming down her cheeks. “Why are they doing this? They’re supposed to be the good guys!”

Jason just shook his head. “I’m sorry, Emily—”

“And Elizabeth—God, she was expecting it. She knew it was coming, but it didn’t make it any less—” Emily scrubbed her hands over her face. “I never thought I’d say this, but I miss Taggert.”

Justus snorted. “Taggert hated Jason—”

“But he didn’t hate Elizabeth,” Jason said quietly. “He never would have treated her this way. And he would have kicked anyone else’s ass who tried it.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. He’d tried to be open, tried to avoid it, but this was a disaster spiraling out of control.

“Jason, you need to stay away from Elizabeth until this blows over,” Justus told him. “Let me handle any communication—”

Jason scowled, letting his hands fall back to his sides. “That’s not fair—”

“It’s what she needs right now,” Emily told him. “She’s exhausted. And she just wants this to be over. We need to make it over. Whatever it takes.”

“I’ll make some phone calls, but you should brace yourself for the morning papers.” Justus offered Emily a grim smile. “Because what’s about to happen will be much worse than your little scandal.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Elizabeth blinked, blearily, trying to adjust her vision to the darkened hospital room. As she turned her head, the events of the last day came back to her—from her mad dash to her grandmother’s, to taking photos of her injuries…

To the kidnapping. To the aftermath.

To the questioning.

“Elizabeth?”

She blinked again as a light switched on near her bed. “Patrick—” she licked her dry lips. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re taking shifts,” Patrick said as he stifled a yawn. “Emily didn’t want you left alone in case the PCPD came back. Justus left his card. Don’t talk to them without him. They’ve got some bullshit story about Jason going after Lucky and using Manny—” He shook his head. “Never mind. We can talk about that tomorrow—”

“What—” Elizabeth winced as she tried to sit back. Patrick reached for the bed remote and gently raised the bed. “That’s crazy. Manny kidnapped Lucky because of me. Because he thought Lucky had…” She trailed off. Looked at Patrick, then swallowed. “Because he thought Lucky left the bruise on my face.”

“But you didn’t tell them that,” Patrick said after a long moment.

“I didn’t think they’d believe me, and after all of this…” She closed her eyes. “I know they wouldn’t. They blame me.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t think it’s going to get better once they find out…” Patrick hesitated. “Whatever Manny did to Lucky’s back—”

“He stomped on him. Repeatedly. Ground his heel into his spine.” Her stomach rolled just at the memory of it. “Oh, God, if you’re here, then his surgery is done.”

“It is. Lucky has an incomplete injury of the lumbar—” He sighed. “The technical stuff doesn’t matter. Basically, Manny aggravated the injury from the car accident—the same discs that were originally injured in November. I’m sorry. It’s bad.”

“Is he…paralyzed?”

“No. He’ll need another surgery, and he’ll be able to walk okay. But there’s no way I’ll ever be able to clear him for active duty again. He’s finished as a cop, Elizabeth.”

“Oh.” She leaned back and looked at the shadows on the ceiling. “Does he know?”

“No. He’s still out from the surgery. Elizabeth, this isn’t your fault—”

“Yes, it is,” she insisted. “I shouldn’t have made Lucky so angry. He asked me to stay from Jason, and I didn’t—I thought I had a good reason—”

“You did. Manny was stalking people, and a danger to everyone—” Patrick leaned forward. “And that’s bullshit that you made him angry. Lucky took a swing at me at one of our appointments. He’s an angry, violent man.” He pressed his lips together and shook his head. “You are not responsible for what he does—”

“Yes, I am. If I just—” She turned her face away. “If I could just love him better, if I were a better wife—”

“Elizabeth.” Patrick sighed, dipped his head. “I am so not equipped for this bullshit,” he muttered to himself. “Look at me.”

She turned back to him, her eyes damp with tears. “It’s my fault.”

“Because you made Lucky angry,” Patrick said. When she nodded, he shook his head. “No. A man doesn’t hit a woman. Full stop. End of story. I don’t care if he walked into the apartment and found you in the middle of a gang bang with the Five Families, he doesn’t get to put his hands on you.”

His scowl deepened. “I don’t care what bullshit excuse he gives you. I don’t care how much pain he’s in or how he’s managing it. You don’t take it out on the person you promised to love. End of story,” he repeated.

“I—” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I know you’re right. You are right,” she repeated. “I think—” She sighed. “I feel guilty.”

“Why?”

“Because I did…I didn’t sleep with Jason. We’re not—that’s not what happened.” She met his eyes. “But it still felt wrong. I think…I don’t know. I feel like I cheated on Lucky. Jason and I—we just talked about—about before. When we were together. And it just—we never told—”

She squeezed her eyes shut. “I never knew he loved me then. And it shouldn’t matter. But it does. And I hate myself. I blame myself.”

“Why is it always me?” he asked the ceiling. Patrick rubbed the side of his face. “Promise me you’ll get some rest tonight. I’ll give you something to sleep, okay? Just—this is all really fresh for you. And it’s going to get worse before it gets better. But you just—I don’t care what the hell is going on with you and Jason, Lucky Spencer does not get to use that as an excuse to hurt you.”

Elizabeth released a shaky sigh. “No, I know that. I just…I can’t explain it.”

“Then don’t. We’ll talk tomorrow. Everything can wait that long. And I’ll find you someone who does not suck at this.” Patrick leaned over to do something with her IV.

“You’re not so terrible,” she murmured even as the world fell away again.

When the world is falling down
And another breaks then another falls
For losers always make the winner’s day
Stand climb and fall
Carry the weight
Can’t carry it all
– Stanley Climbfall, Lifehouse

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Saturday, April 8, 2006

 Kelly’s: Dining Room

From the moment Sam had stepped into the diner, people had been looking at her whispering. She’d arrived in Port Charles around five that morning and gone straight to the Towers to sleep. She hadn’t thought much of Jason not being home—he’d probably had something to do at the warehouse.

Then she’d come here for coffee—and people just would not stop whispering about her.

With a scowl, Sam stepped up to the counter. She leaned in towards Maxie Jones, who didn’t look all that happy about her morning shift. “What the hell is going on?” she demanded. “Do I have something on my face?”

“Oh.” Maxie shrugged. “They probably saw the papers. It’s worse than Sonny and Emily. I mean…I’m sorry for you, but it’s just the kind of stuff this town eats up—”

Sam stopped her before Maxie could walk away. “What do you mean they saw the papers? I’ve been out of town since Tuesday—”

Maxie’s eyes widened. In an instant, her boredom vanished, and her eyes lit up. “Wait. So you don’t know? Oh my God, I get to tell you! This is, like, what I was born for. Wait right here—”

She dashed into the back kitchen as Sam continued to seethe. If the news about her mother had gotten out, she’d be so goddamn pissed—

Maxie shoved the Port Charles Sun at her. “It’s the full cover—”

Sam stared down at the front page, trying to understand what she was looking at. A photograph of Lucky and Elizabeth from their wedding next to one of Jason’s many mug shots — COP’S WIFE & GANGSTER IN SHOCKING AFFAIR with REVEALED DURING ATTEMPTED MURDER PLOT GONE WRONG in smaller letters.

“What. Is. This?” Sam demanded in a low, angry voice. “What the hell is this?”

“Manny kidnapped Lucky yesterday.” She blinked, a bit taken aback at Sam’s hostile reaction. “He kidnapped Liz later, but the papers are saying that Jason was trying to get rid of Lucky because Liz wouldn’t leave her husband for him, so he used Manny. Only Manny went rogue—”

Sam exhaled slowly. That was insane. And ridiculous. The pressure on her chest began to ease. “Oh. Well, that’s stupid—”

“Probably,” Maxie agreed. She studied the headlines. “But everyone heard Lucky accuse Liz to her face, and Jason was the one that rescued her. I overheard Mac telling my mom about it—when the police got there, Lucky was gravely injured in a room, Manny was dead, and Liz and Jason were, like, totally making out on the docks—”

“They were—” Sam held up a hand. “I’m sorry. I need you to explain.”

“Hugging, fine. Whatever.” Maxie sighed. “I’m sorry. I really shouldn’t be so mean, right? I mean, you guys were totally engaged—”

“We’re still engaged,” Sam retorted. She shook her head. “This…this is all just a misunderstanding.”

“I don’t know. I mean, I know Jason didn’t try to have Lucky killed, but this affair stuff can’t be totally wrong, right? I mean, why else would Manny call Jason?”

“Manny called—” Sam ran her hands through her hair. “Maxie, I need you to stop enjoying this so damn much and tell me what happened.”

“Jesse told me that Manny kidnapped Lucky first, then grabbed Liz. Then he called Jason. And if Liz was really so scared and terrified and traumatized or whatever, why would Lucky accuse her of having an affair? I mean, he’d know, right? Maybe Lucky caught Jason and Liz together—”

“Maxie, you just—”

“And then Jason drove Liz to the hospital and, like, refused to leave her alone until Mac had to question him. Plus, Liz is totally refusing to talk to the cops without a lawyer. And she hired Justus. Who is Jason’s lawyer.” Maxie shook her head sadly. “I’m sorry, Sam, but I mean, everyone knows they’re like obsessed with each other.” She leaned in and whispered, “It’s not even the first time Liz has screwed Lucky over for Jason. Some people just never learn.”

“Okay. I’m going to go.” Sam slid off the stool. “You’re just—you’re wrong. Jason and I are engaged. Liz is married. It looks like she’s married an asshole, but none of that other stuff is true.”

“Maybe not the way the papers have written it,” Maxie told her, “but where there’s smoke, there’s fire. It can’t all be rumors.”

“Yeah, it can. So, stop enjoying this so damn much.” Sam stormed out of the diner, letting the diner door slam shut behind her.

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

When Elizabeth woke the next morning, she saw her grandmother sitting next to her, grimacing at a copy of the Sun. Elizabeth saw her picture on the front page and sighed. “How bad is it?” she murmured.

Audrey looked up and managed a grim smile. “Hello, darling. How are you feeling?”

“Like I’ve been hit by a truck.” Elizabeth sighed because her grandmother hadn’t answered the question. That wasn’t a good sign. “When did you get here?”

“About an hour ago. Steven nearly came with me, but I told him to stay. That we’d call him if we needed him.” Audrey closed the Sun and leaned over to kiss Elizabeth’s forehead. “I checked in on Lucky before I came in.” She paused. “If you care.”

“Of course—” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “It’s not true, Gram.”

“Oh, well, this particular story, maybe not. But the fact of the matter is that you wouldn’t be in this bed if you’d stayed away from Jason Morgan.”

“No, I’d still be with Manny Ruiz, being raped and tortured,” Elizabeth snapped. Audrey scowled.

“I don’t understand how you got tangled up with Jason again. Haven’t we talked about this at length? Look at you. Your husband’s career is over thanks to this, your son spent the night with Carly Corinthos, and you’re in this bed, bruised from head to toe. Was it worth it?”

“You know,” Elizabeth said softly, “it wasn’t fun when the police accused me of being a whore, but this is even less amusing.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I’ve learned something very valuable from all of this,” she continued. “That literally everyone thinks I’m a garbage person.”

“No one thinks that—” Audrey took a deep breath. “I’m sorry—”

“You are always are.” Elizabeth turned her face away. “For what it’s worth, this had nothing to do with Jason. Manny was obsessed with me. He tried to kill Lucky because of me. And I am here alive because Jason killed him.”

“Elizabeth, there is no reason for Manny Ruiz to have targeted you—”

“Gram, can you just…” Elizabeth shook her head. “Can you go to Carly’s house and get Cameron? Take him back to your place. I don’t want to argue with you anymore. Nothing I say matters anyway.”

Audrey hesitated. “Elizabeth—”

“Please.”

“All right. I’ll go get Cameron.” Audrey got to her feet, with another shake of her head. “I’m only trying to protect you. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I know that, Gram.”

“I just…I love you.”

“I know.”

Elizabeth kept her eyes closed until Audrey had left, then opened them and reached for the paper she’d left behind. The headline was about as terrible as she’d thought it’d be. She thumbed through to skim the article.

Naturally, the paper had decided to go through all of their old gossip columns and brought up the stupid Christmas party from a lifetime ago, and her kidnapping from four years earlier—and someone had told the Sun’s reporters that Jason Morgan had had guards in the hospital protecting his mistress for weeks—

“Great.” Elizabeth flung the paper across the room and grimaced. Now the entire town thought she was a cheating bitch. There was little mention of the fact that she’d been chased down, thrown against a car, and abducted by a psychopath.

Lucky hadn’t cared. The police hadn’t cared. Neither had her own grandmother.

Manny being gone was supposed to solve her problems—instead, his death had just made everything so much worse.

Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Jason stepped out of the bathroom, towel drying his hair. He went to his dresser to drag out some clothes so that he could get to the warehouse and start doing damage control.

He’d spent the night at the there, working off his frustration by loading and unloading coffee shipments. When he’d finally returned home, he’d seen Sam’s luggage at the bottom of the stairs and winced. He was not looking forward to whatever conversation his fiancée wanted to have. Not after she saw the papers.

Which was, of course, a whole other problem he wasn’t interested in dealing with. He was doing a lot of avoiding these days.

He heard the door slam shut downstairs and footsteps on the stairs. Jason pulled on his jeans and was just tugging on his shirt when Sam shoved open the door.

“What was the one thing I asked you for when I left?” Sam demanded. She shoved the Sun at him, as well as the more sedate Herald.

“Sam—”

“I asked you not to make me a laughingstock. To humiliate me in front of everyone. Do you know what happened when I went to Kelly’s for coffee?”

Jason sighed as he reached for the Herald. He hadn’t seen their headline yet — COP INJURED IN BOTCHED KIDNAPPING; RUIZ SHOT DEAD. He shook his head. Like the PCPD, everyone seemed to forget that it had been Elizabeth who’d been the target.

“I’m sorry about the gossip,” Jason told her. When Sam snorted, he scowled. “I didn’t plan it. Manny grabbed Elizabeth, and while we were looking for her, he called me from her phone. By the time I got to the warehouse, she had managed to get away from him long enough that I could take a shot.”

Sam hesitated. “You…then what the hell does Lucky have to do with this? And what about Mac Scorpio seeing the two of you on the docks?” But some of the flush had left her cheeks.

“I’m not sure. Elizabeth wasn’t in any condition to get into it last night, but it looks like Manny was stalking her. She had a fight with Lucky and went to her grandmother’s. We thought maybe Lucky was grabbed because of that.”

“Because Manny was obsessed with her?” Sam bit her lip. “How come the papers don’t say that? Why is it all about you?”

“Because when Lucky was being loaded into the ambulance, he made a big scene and called Elizabeth—” Jason swallowed hard. “Some names I’m not gonna repeat. The cops didn’t even bother to talk to her. They didn’t even examine her. I had to drive her to the hospital.”

Sam pursed her lips and looked down at the papers now on the floor. “No,” she said finally. “I don’t buy it.” She met his eyes. “What happened between you two while I was gone? I told you to figure out what you were feeling. Do you think that I’m the only one who knew? That Lucky didn’t know what was going on?”

“Nothing was going on,” Jason snapped, then immediately regretted it. Because that was a lie. “Damn it, Sam—”

“Are you gonna tell me you didn’t have another one of your conversations with her while I was gone? That you weren’t alone with her?”

Jason hesitated. “I was, Sam, but—”

“And that Lucky didn’t know it?”

He remembered going to her place on Wednesday night, Lucky walking in on them. “I—yeah, but—”

“But nothing. Lucky saw something was going on, I saw it. And now the whole fucking world knows it. And then he gets kidnapped—” Sam pressed her lips together. “He blames her, doesn’t he? Manny never would have gone near her if it wasn’t for whatever the hell is going on here with you.”

“I don’t know that. He might have—he took the job at the hospital to be closer to her—”

“How the hell would—” Sam bit off her protest, then took another deep breath. “Jason, I get it. She was in trouble. You had to help her. I’m not—it’s not that—it’s—” She picked up the Sun. “The whole world is talking about it. They’re pointing at me. Laughing, snickering behind my back.”

“Sam…” Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m sorry.”

“Do you love her?” Sam asked softly.

Jason blinked at the change in topic. “What?”

“You heard me.” Sam met his eyes. “Do you love her?”

Jason looked away, out the window, towards the hospital. Sam followed his gaze and scowled. He didn’t know how to answer that question. He didn’t know if the answer yes. He just…

He knew it wasn’t no.

“I don’t know,” Jason finally said. “I’m sorry.”

“Does she love you?” Sam pressed.

“I don’t—I don’t know the answer to that.” When Sam didn’t say anything else, he sighed. “Sam, I’m sorry—”

“Why? You were honest with me. And now…” She set the paper on his dresser and looked at him again. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No,” Jason said. But he waited a moment too long, and even he could hear the uncertainty in his tone. Sam sighed. “No, “ he repeated, careful to be more firm this time. “I—I asked you to marry me. I meant that—”

“Then you need to stay away from her,” Sam told him. “Manny’s dead. It’s over. You need to delete her number. Forget her name. You need to put her in your past. Because there’s no point in us doing this if you can’t do that.”

He knew she was right. He opened his mouth to agree but then closed it and just looked at her. “It’s not over,” he finally said. “The cops are still trying to pin Manny’s murder on me—”

She just sighed again and shook her head. “I think that I’ve been understanding,” Sam said, “to the point of insanity. But you’re standing here telling me with one breath that you might be in love with another woman but that you still want to marry me—what am I supposed to think?”

“I—”

“Are the papers lying? Was there actually an affair?” Sam demanded, the flush in her cheeks rising again. “Why can’t you just stop this? How do you think this makes me feel?”

“We weren’t having an affair,” Jason said, but the words felt automatic. Robotic. And not entirely true. He didn’t know how to explain any of it to himself, much less to her. Should he tell her about the kiss he and Elizabeth had shared in her apartment? Would that make it worse?

And it was obvious Sam didn’t believe him any more than he believed himself. “I wish…God, I wish I believed you.”

She turned and left.

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

“I’m surprised there’s no guard on your door.”

Elizabeth had moved from the bed to the loveseat underneath one of the windows. She looked over to find Mac Scorpio in the doorway. She turned her attention back to the window. “I don’t need a guard anymore. Manny’s dead.”

“Uh-huh. Did you want me to call your lawyer?” Mac asked. “Emily told me you wanted Justus present.”

Elizabeth knew that she should send Mac away and call for Justus, but she was tired. And she just wanted it over. “Are you planning to call me a whore?”

Mac flinched, then shook his head. “No. I’m sorry if Jesse offended you. I’ll remind him that we don’t make the judgments. We just investigate and take the evidence where it leads us.” Mac approached her, stopping at the foot of the bed. “How are you feeling today?”

“Tired. Sore.”

“You haven’t been to see Lucky yet,” Mac said. “I looked at his visitor’s list.”

How could she go near the man that had started this roller coaster? If she’d gone to the PCPD the first time he’d pushed her, would they have believed her? Lucky had shoved her, screamed at her during her own kidnapping, then proclaimed her a whore when they were rescued—

And of course, no one thought Elizabeth might have a good reason for being cold to her husband. She was clearly in the wrong.

“No, I haven’t. I saw the papers. I don’t really want to see anyone.”

“Yeah, they did take some liberties,” Mac admitted. “I’m sure it’ll calm down. Lucky’s not awake yet, so I guess he doesn’t know he won’t be back on active duty.” He tipped his head. “How do you think he’ll take that?”

“Badly.” She looked at Mac. “Do you blame me, too?”

“Blame is a strong word,” Mac said. “I think you’ve been through a lot, and I’m sorry for it. I wish we could have done more to keep Manny off the streets.” He paused. “I also think that maybe if you chose your friends better, this might have been avoided.”

Elizabeth looked at him, saw the kind, well-meaning man that she’d known for years, who had always tried his best.

She looked at him and saw the face of everyone who would make this her fault. “And if I hadn’t walked through the park one night, I wouldn’t have been raped.”

Mac shook his head. “It’s not the same thing—”

“I wasn’t supposed to be in the park. I lied to my grandmother. I always did that, you know. And I lied to everyone. I sat in the park, and I wore a short dress. That’s what Tom Baker told me when he confessed to me—that he couldn’t help it. So it was my fault then, too.”

“No.” Mac sighed. “That’s not—”

“Is that what you’d tell your daughters? Didn’t Georgie get kidnapped by Diego Alcazar last fall?” Elizabeth looked back out the window. “Did you tell her it was her fault for being too nice? For being kind to the wrong people?”

“Elizabeth—”

“Manny kidnapped me last fall because he needed a nurse to take care of him. Women are known to disappear around him. He took a job at the hospital before the quarantine. He followed me around. And all of that happened before Jason and I ever spoke. Jason and I hadn’t been friends for more than two years—had barely even been in the same room for almost a year. Manny targeted me because he’s sick and likes to play games—”

“All of that might have been true,” Mac said. “But he only kidnapped you after he found out you were…friends with Jason Morgan.”

Tears burned at the back of her eyes, but she refused to let this man see her cry. To see how it broke her to know she wasn’t going to be believed. No matter how rational she was. How calm.

“Okay. Well, let me make this clear for you. Manny kidnapped me. He kidnapped Lucky and told me it was because he saw me fighting with Lucky and thought it would make me happy. He called Jason because he thought Jason might be tricked into killing Lucky for him. I think. I don’t know. That part of his plan was never clear—”

“Elizabeth—”

“He threatened me with a knife, hit me with a rock, ground his heel into Lucky’s spine, and when I managed to get free of him for a minute, Jason shot him to protect me and to save Lucky’s life. That’s it. That’s your statement. I’m not saying another word without a lawyer.”

“I figured we’d get to that sooner or later. Are you planning to use Jason’s lawyer?”

“No, I’m planning to ask Emily’s cousin to represent me. It’s not my fault they’re the same person.” Elizabeth met Mac’s eyes. “I didn’t deserve any of this—”

“I never said you did—”

“And I don’t deserve to be treated this way. You can go. Don’t come back. If you question me again without Justus present, I’ll file a harassment suit. No one gave a damn about me back at that warehouse. You decided it was my fault that a fellow cop had been hurt, and I’ve been treated like garbage ever since.”

She got to her feet. “It wasn’t my fault that Tom Baker raped me. And it wasn’t my fault that Manny Ruiz kidnapped me.”

“No one is saying what happened to you as a kid was your fault, Elizabeth. But you’re an adult now. You should take responsibility for your actions. You decided to get involved with a man like Jason Morgan. And now Lucky is paying for it—”

“Get out.”

Mac shook his head, but then he left. Elizabeth slowly sat back down as the pressure built in her chest and her shoulders started to shake. She’d managed to keep it together until the commissioner had left, but oh, God, he was right, wasn’t he? Maybe Manny wouldn’t have gone after her if he didn’t think it would get Jason’s attention—was this somehow her fault?

Could she have prevented this? And how was she supposed to live in this town now? If she left Lucky—how could she ever show her face? No one would understand, and she knew now that no one would believe her about the abuse.

Lucky was the heroic cop who’d been grievously injured, and she was the whore who had ruined his career.

And no one would ever be convinced otherwise.

General Hospital: Fourth Floor Stairwell

Jason took a deep breath and approached Epiphany, who was waiting at the door like a guard—her arm braced against it so that it could not be opened until she moved.

“Thanks for doing this,” he told her. “I figured it’d be easier to see her this way—”

“Have you seen the papers?” Epiphany demanded. “The filth they’re writing?”

Jason sighed, nodded. “Yeah, I saw them. Did she—”

“She did. Her grandmother was kind enough to leave them for her.” Epiphany raised her brows. “So that Elizabeth could consider the consequences of her actions with all the pertinent information.” She said the last part of it in a tone that indicated she was directly quoting Audrey Hardy.

Jason flinched and looked away. Audrey had never been his biggest fan. “Is she okay?”

“Well, I don’t know, because, after that visit, Mac Scorpio showed up, and she decided to give him a statement without a lawyer.” She pursed her lips. “She ended up throwing him out of her room, so I don’t think she’ll be making that mistake again.”

He rubbed the back of his neck. “Epiphany—”

“So, the only way you’re getting through this door is if you tell me what you got to say to her is important enough that you need to bother her.” Epiphany lifted her chin. “Because her husband is two flights up in ICU. He’s an asshole, but he’s a man. And you know what happens when a man starts screaming about how terrible a woman is?”

“Epiphany—”

“Everyone believes him. It doesn’t matter how hard Elizabeth works in this hospital, how long she’s lived in this town. No one cares how many people she’s helped or how many lives she saved during the quarantine—none of that matters. Because he’s a cop. So her word means nothing.”

He dipped his head, exhaled slowly. “Okay—” Jason shook his head. “Okay, I’ll go. I don’t want to make it worse.”

Epiphany sighed. “Wait—”

“You’re right. It’s not worth the risk. She’s been through enough.” He hesitated. “And I’m being selfish. I just—I haven’t seen her. I don’t know if she’s okay. Is she?”

“No.” But she lowered her arm and stepped back. “But it might do her some good to see someone who doesn’t believe the worst.” She huffed. “Don’t get caught.”

General Hospital: Elizabeth’s Room

Patrick had tried to talk Elizabeth into staying another night at the hospital, but she wanted to be alone. She wanted to get her son, go home to her apartment, and sort herself out.

And she knew she probably should be in the room when Lucky found he’d never be a cop again. Not the way he wanted to be. If she wasn’t there—well, it would just give people one more reason to talk.

And Elizabeth just didn’t want anyone to look at her anymore.

In an hour, Patrick had promised, he’d come back and sign her discharge papers. He’d even drive her home personally. She knew that no one would bother her with Patrick around—the surgeon was pretty good at the fuck off face.

“Elizabeth?”

She turned at the sound of Jason’s voice. She knew she shouldn’t feel happy to see him—that his being there was literally the worst thing right now, but she hadn’t seen him since the night before, and she didn’t really remember a lot from the emergency room.

At least he wasn’t going to call her a whore or blame her for her own kidnapping.

Jason glanced down the hall, then closed the door behind him. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be here.”

“Probably not.” Elizabeth sat back on the love seat. “Did anyone see you?”

“No, I called Epiphany, and she let me up the service stairs.” He sat next to her, turned slightly toward to face her. “I…I’m sorry about the papers—”

“None of this is your fault, Jason. It’s….” She sighed and looked down at her hands. “I don’t know. It’s the newspapers for not caring about the truth. It’s mine. It’s Lucky’s—”

“And it’s mine,” Jason pressed. She glanced up, met his eyes briefly, saw the worry. “You told me to stay away. And I didn’t. I don’t know what got into Lucky to make him think—”

“Manny did.” Elizabeth’s voice trembled, and goosebumps made her skin feel cold. “Manny told him that we’d been meeting. A-And Lucky didn’t even—” She closed her eyes. “Anyway. You know, Lucky doesn’t need a reason. He hates you. He has for years.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I just—I wasn’t prepared for everyone else. I always knew no one would believe me—” She bit her lip, horrified to realize she’d very nearly told Jason the truth. It was one thing to tell Patrick who didn’t really know her or Lucky—that somehow seemed safe.

But if she told Jason, if she said it out loud to someone who knew them—

It would be true. It would always be her reality. And she couldn’t take that back.

“Elizabeth—”

“Emily told me that a few weeks ago—no one believed us back then. After the Christmas Party.” With a smile she didn’t really feel, Elizabeth sighed. “I don’t just mean the world, I mean—”

“Emily didn’t believe us.”

“Neither did Nikolas. And they both told Lucky. Apparently, he’s believed I was lying all these years.” She swiped at her eyes. “So, yeah, Lucky didn’t really need much more than a push—”

“Elizabeth—” Jason stretched his arm across the back of the sofa. “I wish I could make this go away.”

“Yeah, well, until we figure out time travel, that’s never going to happen.” She cleared her throat. “I’m sorry, though. I—I forgot about Sam. And she wasn’t really happy with us either before all this. I never…” She pressed a hand to her chest. “I never told you that she saw us on the docks—”

“No, but she did.” Jason squinted. “How did you know?

“She and I…” Elizabeth shrugged. “We talked. Don’t worry,” she continued when he sat up, looking alarmed. “It wasn’t—” She sighed. “It wasn’t angry. And I think we walked away understanding each other. But Jason, I keep telling you—”

“That we can’t be friends—”

“You know we keep saying that word like…” She hesitated. “Like that’s what this is. Like, I’m saying we can’t hang out anymore. And that’s just…” Elizabeth turned slightly, angling her body towards him. And somehow found the courage to meet his eyes. “That’s not what we’re doing. And that’s not what we’ve ever done. Not since the morning I found you in the snow.”

“Yeah.” His voice was just above a rasp. “I know.”

“And maybe not even since that night at Jake’s. I used to think you were my safe place. Someone I could trust with…” She bit her lip. “Everything.”

“You can—”

“But that’s not something I should share with anyone who isn’t the man I married. And to be honest—” Her chest tightened as a tear slid down her cheek. “That’s not something you ever gave me.”

“What?” Jason blinked, pulled back slightly, looking stunned. “What—”

“You never opened your life to me. You always kept me at arm’s length—”

“That’s not—”

“So when I say that you and I need to stop this, I mean I need to stop this. I need to walk away and stop giving away pieces of myself to people who won’t take care of them—” She broke off, then shook her head. Because she should be saying to this to Lucky, not Jason.

Shaken, Jason just stared at her. “That’s not how it was—”

“I’m sorry—” Elizabeth sighed. “That’s not fair—I don’t—I didn’t mean—”

“Well, I see some people never learn.”

The cold, bitter voice snapped them both out of their bubble, and Jason and Elizabeth turned to find her grandmother glaring at them from the doorway.

“Mrs. Hardy.” Jason climbed to his feet and instinctively steadied Elizabeth’s elbow as she also stood. “I was just—”

“Making everything worse,” Audrey snapped. “Or do you enjoy the notoriety that comes with your job?” She let the hospital door swing shut behind her, her hands at her hips. “What in the world are you thinking, Elizabeth, to carry on with him here? Of all places—”

Elizabeth just closed her eyes, then looked at Jason. He looked irritated but said nothing waiting for her to handle it. “Thank you for checking on me, Jason. I’m doing fine, as you can see. So, you should go now.”

“Are you sure—”

“Yes. And when Cody wakes up, can you tell him how much I appreciate him? I’ll try to stop by—”

“Oh, sure, keep making it worse—” Audrey snarled.

“Cody nearly died trying to save my life,” Elizabeth snapped at her grandmother, her cheeks flushing. “Don’t you dare suggest I don’t owe my life to Cody and Jason. If it weren’t for them, I’d be somewhere being raped and tortured by a raging psychopath until he got tired of me and killed me. Or sold me. You know what that’s what he threatened to do, don’t you? Pretty women like me make a lot of money.”

“Elizabeth—” Audrey swallowed. Her face was ghastly white. “I didn’t realize—”

“No, you didn’t. Because you didn’t ask. Jason came to check on the guard who saved my life. And, yes, he wanted to make sure I was okay. Because thanks to the PCPD, I haven’t been able to thank him since I was admitted.”

“I’ll go,” Jason said when the room was quiet for a beat. “I’ll—” He looked at Elizabeth, then shook his head. “I’ll go.”

“You do that.” Audrey stepped aside to let Jason leave. “And don’t come back.”

When the door had shut, Audrey turned back to Elizabeth with that omnipresent disappointment in her eyes. “I cannot believe you. I cannot believe this is the girl I raised. What if Luke or Bobbie had come by? What if the cops had come back? How would it look to find the two of you cuddled up on a sofa while your husband was unconscious two floors away—”

And Elizabeth couldn’t take it anymore. She reached for the pitcher of water on the table and threw it across the room, sending a stream of water in its wake. The plastic clattered to the floor, skidding with the momentum. “Just stop!”

Audrey’s tirade broke off abruptly as her eyes widened. “Elizabeth!”

“Can’t you just—stop—for one minute!” Elizabeth pressed her hands to her hair, digging her fingers into the scalp. “Just stop.”

“I just—” Audrey hesitated. “I’m sorry. I just worry about you so much, Elizabeth. You’re so impulsive, and it gets you into so much trouble. If you would just think before you did things, how much trouble could you have saved yourself over the years?”

“And you still—you don’t stop. You don’t take a breath. It’s always how I’m doing it wrong. How can people tell me in one breath they love me and then just—” Her eyes ached from the tears, but they kept streaming. How did she have any tears left? “How can you tell me you love me and do this to me?”

“Elizabeth—”

“I was kidnapped last night. Manny Ruiz chased me down in the parking garage, grabbed me from behind, knocked me out—he nearly killed the man whose only job it was to keep me alive. Then he dragged me to a warehouse, threatened to rape me—and then my own husband—” Her throat closed. “My own husband, who promised to love me, to cherish me—how could he do this to me?”

Her knees buckled, and Elizabeth sank to the floor, the linoleum chilled beneath the sweat pants she wore. “How could he do this to me?” she gasped, her chest tight as she struggled to force out a full breath. “How can he tell me he loves me and hurt me?”

“I’m—Darling—”

“I can’t do this anymore.”

“Elizabeth, Lucky isn’t the one that hurt you—that was Manny—because of Jason—”

“Audrey.”

Elizabeth looked up at the new voice, frowning as she saw Bobbie gently taking Audrey’s elbow and leading her out of the room. After a moment, Bobbie came back and knelt down. She pulled Elizabeth to her feet.

“How are you, sweetheart?” Bobbie asked, smoothing Elizabeth’s hair out of her eyes, tucking it behind her ears before taking Elizabeth’s face in her hands. “What can I do?”

“I think…” Elizabeth just closed her eyes. Her face felt heavy and swollen from the barrage of tears. “There’s nothing. There’s nothing to do.”

“Okay.”

“I just—I can’t keep doing this. I can’t keep apologizing—”

“You have nothing to apologize for. I’ll talk to your grandmother.” Bobbie kissed her forehead. “I came to tell you that Patrick had an opening to take Lucky went back into surgery a little while ago. He wanted you to go on home. I came to take care of your discharge and drive you.”

Elizabeth felt her entire body shudder. “You don’t blame me?”

“Blame you?” Bobbie sighed. “I blame myself. I blame Lucky. I blame his father. The only person in this entire mess that I don’t blame is you.”

And that just made Elizabeth sob harder. So Bobbie just put her arms around Elizabeth and let her cry.

All alone, I came into the world
All alone, I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by
– Sand and Water, Beth Neilsen Chapman

---

Saturday, April 8, 2006

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Living Room

It was just past midnight when a knock came at her door. Elizabeth, who hadn’t been able to sleep after putting Cameron down for the night, went to the door and looked through the peephole. Then she pressed her forehead against the door for a long moment before unlocking it.

“Why?” she asked as Jason looked at her at the other side of the threshold. “What’s left to say?”

“I—” He swallowed hard. “I don’t know. I just didn’t want to leave it that way.”

She stepped back to let him in, feeling secure at least that her grandmother wouldn’t be stopping by in the middle of the night, and that Lucky was still unconscious at General Hospital.

“This has to stop,” she told Jason. “I mean it.”

“I know. And it will. I just—I was worried when I left. And then I ran into Bobbie when I was checking on Cody—”

Elizabeth looked at him sharply as she switched on a lamp behind the sofa, casting the room into uneven shadows. “What did Bobbie say?”

“She wouldn’t say anything, just that I shouldn’t try to talk to you again until you’d left the hospital.” Jason hesitated. “I’m sorry. I never should have gone there. I shouldn’t be here—”

“But you were worried.” Elizabeth bit her lip, folded her arms. “And that matters more than what I need? What I want?” She laughed, the sound harsh and low. “Story of my life.”

“No. You’re right. This is me being selfish. And—” Jason just looked at her. “I wanted to tell you that you were right.”

“About what?” Elizabeth asked, exhausted from it all. Wishing that she had just left the door locked.

“About what you said earlier. About not ever letting you in.” He swallowed hard. “Except in the beginning. You were the only person I let get close. After losing Robin and Michael. But I didn’t know how to do it again. Or maybe I just didn’t want to.”

“I’m sorry—” Elizabeth looked away. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t even really mean it. I know that it’s not true. I’m just—” She exhaled slowly. “Maybe we were closer back then. Before it got complicated. That last summer—” She hesitated, rubbed the side of her head. “I don’t know. I think we just kept getting in our own way. Or maybe we missed our chance a long time ago.”

Jason shook his head. “No—”

“No?” She arched her brows. “Then explain Brenda and Courtney to me, Jason. Explain Sam. You’ve been married, Jason. Twice. Even if Brenda didn’t count, at least she got—” Her voice trembled. “She got more than I did. And you asked Sam to marry you. You never even told me you loved me. So why are you here right now? Why aren’t you at home with her?”

“I—”

“If you’re here because you feel guilty, then don’t. Because I don’t have room in my life right now to deal with any of this anymore. I just—” Her eyes felt swollen from all the crying she’d done, and she just wanted it to be over. “My entire life is destroyed. This can’t matter anymore. So can you just—” She exhaled on a shaky breath. “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted painfully. “I—I just—for years, I thought I knew why I’d lost you. I thought I’d accepted it. But I didn’t have any idea how much I hurt you. And it kills me that you didn’t know how I felt.”

“How you felt. Past tense. It was four years ago, Jason.”

“It’s not—” He pressed his lips together. “Okay.”

Elizabeth blinked, then tipped her head to the side as something insane began to whisper in the back of her head. She stepped towards him. “No. Finish what you were going to say. Because until you get this out of your head, you’re going to keep coming up with reasons to see me, and I would just rather we get this done—”

“It’s not past tense,” Jason bit out. “I know it is for you, but it’s not for me—”

She put her hands up in front of her as if to protect herself. “Wait. What? What are you saying?”

“You don’t need this now. This is just selfish,” he muttered as he turned to go.

“No, don’t you dare—” Elizabeth dashed around him and flattened herself against the door as he tried to reach for the doorknob. “You’re never selfish.” Elizabeth tried to look into his eyes, tried to read them, but the room was still too dark for that. “The entire time I’ve known you—you’ve never been selfish. So what’s going on?”

“Sam asked me today if I still loved you.”

Elizabeth drew in a sharp breath, her hands falling to her sides uselessly. “And what did you say to her?”

“I told her I didn’t know.” Jason scowled. “But that was a lie. I knew it when I said it.”

She swallowed hard. Her brain was buzzing as if it had exploded into a million pieces inside her skull. She couldn’t find a single thing to say in response to that.

“And then she asked me if—” Jason shook his head. “If you still loved me. I told her I didn’t know. I never asked you.”

Their eyes met again, and Elizabeth felt it down to the tips of her toes. This was insane. This was the absolute last conversation she should be having right now while the entire world was on fire outside.

This was the moment. This was the chance she’d never believed could come again. All she had to do was tell him yes. Because, of course, the answer was yes. It had always been yes.

But Elizabeth couldn’t force the words past her lips. Her eyes burned. “If you ask me, I’ll answer.”

“I know.” He reached up to cup her cheek, gently wiping away her tears. “But I can’t ask you. Not tonight. Because this isn’t fair to you.”

“I decide what’s fair to me,” she told him, putting her hand over his, leaning into his touch. Just for a moment. She just wanted to have this fantasy for a little while.

But reality set in as a police siren wailed somewhere outside of the apartment. She pulled her hand away, and Jason stepped back.

“I won’t come back,” Jason told her in a low, raspy voice. “Because I don’t think I trust either one of us if I did.”

“Me either.” Elizabeth stepped back, folding her arms again. “And we still made promises to other people.”

“But if you need me…” He pulled open the door, then turned to look at her, his face all but impossible to make out in the dark hall. “For anything…”

“I know where to call.” And even though she knew it was wrong, that it was a mistake, Elizabeth leaned up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. For just a moment.

Because a moment was all they were ever allowed. Their lips brushed, and she felt his hand gently on her shoulder, at first curling around as if it to draw her in closer…then gently pushing her away.

“I need to go.”

“I know.”

But they stood there another moment, in the shadows of her doorway, and Elizabeth just wanted desperately to be brave. To answer the question he’d left unasked. She closed her eyes as his lips touched her forehead.

“I’ll see you later,” he murmured against her hair.

“See you later,” she said softly as Jason finally pulled away and left.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

When Jason walked through the door around two that morning, he went straight for the stairs. The light next to the sofa switched on just as he stepped onto the bottom step. He spun around, surprised to find Sam on the sofa.

Waiting for him.

He blinked, then stepped towards her. “What—What are you doing up? I thought you’d gone to bed—”

“Yeah. I did. And then I heard your door close. So I decided to wait up. Your phone didn’t ring, and you don’t normally leave in the middle of the night unless it’s planned.” Sam unfolded her legs and got to her feet. She didn’t turn on any other lights—most of the room was still plunged in shadows.

He didn’t know what to say to her. Didn’t know how to stop any of this. He knew that what he’d done tonight—the conversations, the words he’d said to Elizabeth—the kiss they’d shared as he left—all of it was wrong.

They both knew it. And they knew it had to stop.

“Did you go to the warehouse?” Sam asked.

“No,” he answered. But he didn’t volunteer anything else. He didn’t want to hurt her. If she didn’t ask—maybe they could both push this conversation away—

And that thought—the idea that he was leaving it up to Sam to make this choice—it suddenly struck him as wrong, and he didn’t feel comfortable with it. He didn’t know how to navigate this situation—he was sure Emily would tell him this was like Carly and Robin, but it didn’t feel that way.

He’d always loved Robin more than Carly, had always preferred a future with Robin. But Carly had had Michael, and he’d been swept away by the idea of a family with her. To keep Michael, he thought he’d have to take on Carly. And he knew that he’d bungled things badly with Robin, that he’d hurt her by not being what she needed him to be. By pretending long past their expiration date that there was a future for them.

That wasn’t happening here. Was it?

“I went to Elizabeth’s.”

Sam closed her eyes, nodded. “Yeah. I figured.” She took a deep breath as if bracing herself for whatever came next. She opened her eyes and looked at him. “Are you having an affair with her? Are you sleeping with her?”

Jason hesitated. He couldn’t answer the first question. He thought anything he might say would be a lie. The answer wasn’t yes, but it definitely wasn’t no. “No, we’re not sleeping together.”

She waited, but he said nothing more. “Okay.” Sam curled her fingers into a fist, pressed into her abdomen. “I asked you a question earlier. But I think you lied to me. Or maybe you’re lying to yourself. I don’t really don’t care which. It has to stop. I don’t deserve this.”

“I know—”

“I haven’t done anything wrong. I’m still the same woman I was when you asked me to marry you. Two months ago, I found out my entire life was a lie. And the only family that isn’t you—it doesn’t belong to me. I don’t understand how you can just stop…” Sam shook her head. “How can you tell me you love me and hurt me like this?”

“I—” Jason swallowed hard. “I don’t know. I don’t know what’s changed, Sam. I know it’s not you—”

“Is it because I couldn’t let go of what happened with Alexis? Or because I wanted to go back to my old work?” Sam stepped closer to him, her dark eyes wet with tears, darting back and forth, searching his expression. “Or is it what your sister said? About how we started? Because I know I said I conned you at the beginning, but it wasn’t all about that.”

“Sam—” He curled his fingers around her forearms, just below the elbow. “I know that—”

“But you don’t look at me the way you used to, and I don’t know why. It can’t just be Elizabeth. It can’t. Because we were happy.”

“I know we were—”

“If you just—” She sniffled, sucking in a choking sob. “If you just promise to stay away from her, I’ll turn down the job with Paulie, okay? We can—we can go to the island. Or to Hawaii—”

Her fingers clung to his black T-shirt, and he dipped his forehead down to rest against hers. Part of him wanted to say yes. To do what he could to get back the life she talked about. They had been happy. He had been satisfied with their life—and he didn’t know if Elizabeth was planning to leave Lucky. Even after all Lucky had put her through. He’d done worse, and she’d stayed. Hadn’t Jason learned his lesson a thousand times where they were concerned?

“Just tell me you don’t love her. That you still love me. And we can just pretend this never happened.”

Jason exhaled slowly, then gently lifted his head, pressing a kiss to her forehead as he did so. Then he took a step back. “I can’t tell you any of that, Sam. I’m sorry. I don’t want to lie to you. Or to myself. Not anymore.”

Her shoulders jerked as if she’d been slapped, and she also took a step back. “So, what? After everything we’ve been through? You’re leaving me? For Elizabeth Spencer?”

“No.” Jason rubbed his chest. “That’s not an option for me. I don’t—” And oh, man, it hurt to admit, but — “I don’t think that’s ever going to happen.”

“Fine.” With a careful nod, Sam drew in a breath. “So, where does that leave us?”

“I don’t know.”

“I guess I have to decide if I want to keep sharing space in your head with another woman.” She dragged her hands through her hair and heaved a heavy sigh. “I’m going to bed.”

“Sam—” Jason caught her elbow as she walked past him. “This isn’t what I want—”

“Yeah, well—” She turned slightly to face him, then arched his brow. “Tell me this, Jason. If Elizabeth showed up at your door tonight and asked you to run away with her, would you even hesitate?”

“I—Sam—” Jason shook his head.

“The truth. I can take it.”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “I…” He might take some time to think about it, but—

“Yeah. That’s what I thought. I’m going to bed,” Sam repeated. And this time, Jason didn’t stop her.

Sunday, April 9, 2006

Brownstone: Kitchen

Bobbie poured coffee into her brother’s mug and just sighed. “I’m not looking forward to seeing Lucky today,” she admitted. “Elizabeth asked me not to be there when Patrick was going to tell him.”

Luke frowned as he sipped his coffee, black. “She asked me to stay away, too. Why?”

“I think…” Bobbie sat on the stool at the island and sipped her own coffee. “I think she’s afraid his reaction is going to be humiliating for her. I told her that she shouldn’t go. She’s only there because of what everyone is saying.”

“Yeah.” Luke looked away. “What happens to my boy when she leaves him, Barbara Jean? What’s he gonna have to fight for when he loses his career and family all at once?”

“Luke.” Bobbie set her coffee down with a thud of the porcelain against the granite counter. “Don’t you dare ask that girl to stay—”

“I know they hit a rough patch—”

“A rough patch—” Bobbie scowled. “Lucas Lorenzo Spencer, is that you’re going to call it? You and I both know he hit Elizabeth—”

“We don’t know anything—”

“Don’t we?” Bobbie asked, pointedly.

Luke dipped his head, looked away. “Barbara—”

“Why should Elizabeth stay with a man who has been verbally and physically abusive?” Bobbie challenged. “Because he needs her? That’s what Mama used to say—”

“Now, don’t start any of that—” Luke got off the stool and started to pace. “That’s not fair. This isn’t about us—”

“No, because you never wanted Mama to stay, and you’re asking Elizabeth to do the one thing we both know got our mother killed.” Bobbie scowled. “Why is it her job to save him, Luke? Why did we ever put that on her?”

“What? When? What are you talking about? All I’m saying is maybe asking her to give him a chance to turn it around—”

“And I’m asking you why the hell she should have to. Should I have waited for D.L. to turn it around?” Bobbie snapped. “Maybe he could have been a better man with a better wife, right?”

“You know that’s not the same thing. Barbara Jean! Lucky isn’t Pop, and he sure as hell isn’t the asshole who went after you. How can you even compare them?”

“Do you think I want to admit that this is what’s happened to him? That I wanted his marriage to Elizabeth to fall apart like this?” Bobbie’s lip trembled. “I love that boy, Luke. Like he was my own. When we lost him, it was like losing BJ all over again. And Elizabeth grieved. She broke apart. That’s what I saw yesterday when Audrey was berating her about Jason. Elizabeth has been betrayed by the man who promised to love her, and you think she should stay?”

Luke dipped his head. “No. I don’t think she should,” he admitted, the words forced out from small deep, dark, place inside. “I think maybe she should take her boy and run. But I can’t—I can’t put her first. Because Lucky’s my son. And I have to fight dirty if we’re gonna fix this—”

“You can ask Elizabeth to do whatever you want, but I won’t be apart of it.” Bobbie lifted her chin. “I called Nikolas. I tried to get him to come home. But he refused. He’s not ready. He’s still too much in pain, but Lulu agreed to come. Do you want Lulu to be alone with Lucky? Knowing that he put bruises on Elizabeth?”

Luke hesitated. “Barbara—” He just shook his head. “Elizabeth can’t be my priority. I’m sorry. I wish I were a better man—”

“So do I. Laura would be…” Bobbie pressed her lips together. “You know what? I’d like to think Laura would be on my side, but I already know what the two of you have done to Elizabeth. You’re still looking for the boy we lost in the fire, Luke. He’s dead. He’s never coming home.”

“I know that—”

“Then stop pretending this can be fixed—”

“I am never going to give up on my son, and there’s no way I’m going to let his family walk away from him without at least trying to fight for them.” Luke scowled at her. “You handle this your way, Barbara Jean. And I’ll do it mine.”

General Hospital: Hallway

Patrick stopped Elizabeth before she reached for the handle of Lucky’s door. “I’m telling you. You probably shouldn’t go in here.”

Elizabeth sighed and nodded. “I know it’s going to be terrible. I know that he’s going to be angry. He’s going to say terrible things.” She folded her arms tightly, wishing she could disappear into herself. “But I need to do this.”

“Why?” her friend demanded. “After everything he’s put you through—”

“Don’t—” Elizabeth looked around, put a hand on his arm. “Can we just—look, right now the PCPD thinks I’m a garbage whore and that this—” She gestured to the door. “This is my fault. And they believe that so much that Justus told me they’re thinking of filing charges against Jason for murder.”

“I—” Patrick pressed his lips together. “So, what, you’re going to perform the part of the devoted wife to…get rid of suspicions?”

“If I stick to my story, if I can get past this and get Lucky to calm down, I might be able to get him to back down on the rest of it. I can explain everything to Lucky. I know I—” She chewed on her bottom lip. “I think I can convince him Jason and I weren’t having an affair. That’s why he’s so mad—”

“That might be why he’s mad. It’s not why he’s an abusive dick hole,” Patrick muttered. “Stop blaming yourself—”

“I’m not—” She was, and she wasn’t sure how to stop it. “I’m just—I’m just trying to find a way out of this mess that doesn’t mean I have to keep listening to people point and stare. Whispering behind my back—” She grimaced. “It’s—I don’t like it.”

“Ignore it—”

“I can’t. It’s like—” Elizabeth shook her head. “I…was raped when I was a teenager, and for months, I felt like everyone knew. Everyone was staring. I couldn’t stand for anyone to even look at me. Make eye contact. It made my skin crawl—”

“Elizabeth.” Patrick dragged a hand through his hair. “Shit. I’m sorry. Okay. Okay.” He squared his shoulders. “So, your plan is to do whatever you can to make the gossip stop.”

“It won’t ever stop,” Elizabeth admitted. “But if I can just…make it less obvious. If I can make it less interesting—if I don’t give them anything to talk about…they’ll move on. And then you and Robin will have a fight or Epiphany will slap the crap out of the orderly that keeps pinching the nurses—”

“Who?” Patrick demanded, distracted.

A smile touched her lips. “Never mind. She’s got a plan. I’m just—I just need to get through this right now. That means doing what people expect from a wife who doesn’t know what the hell her idiot husband is talking about.”

“Uh-huh.” Patrick shook his head. “Okay. It’s your life. I’m just here to keep him from throwing things.”

She shot him a dark look as he opened the door for her, but didn’t say anything else. They went inside the room where Lucky had woken up about an hour before and was finally fully conscious.

She hadn’t really been able to see the extent of Lucky’s injuries before, but his face was cut and bruised badly from whatever beating Manny had given him. Her stomach pitched — she never wanted him to be in the middle of any of this. No matter how she felt about what had happened between them.

“Lucky.” Patrick picked up his chart and looked over the notes. “How you feeling?”

“Like everything is on fire.” Lucky licked his dry lips, looked at Elizabeth with a bit of confusion. “Why are you here?” he demanded flatly.

“Lucky, I know things were confusing at the warehouse. And we’ll talk about all of it—” Elizabeth looked at Patrick, who just shrugged as if to say, I told you so. “It wasn’t true. None of it.”

“Sure,” Lucky snarled. “Jason’s number wasn’t in your phone, and you weren’t cuddling up to him five seconds after he shot a man—whatever helps you sleep at night.” He turned to Patrick. “When can I get out of here? When can I go back to work?”

Patrick looked at Elizabeth again, giving her another opportunity to leave, but Elizabeth just lifted her chin. She knew the only way to get through any of this was to forge ahead with her plan to make it like nothing had changed.

“Lucky,” Patrick said after a long moment, “while you’ll be able to walk again with some therapy—”

“Walk again?” Lucky sputtered. He tried to sit up, crying out in pain. “What the hell—”

“You injured the spinal cord. I can get technical if you want, but I thought you might want the bottom line. You’re not going back on active duty.”

Patrick’s blunt words hung in the room like a thunder cloud as Lucky just stared at the surgeon, his eyes bulging, his face cherry red. “What does that mean?”

“It means unless you decide to go on desk duty permanently, you’re finished as a cop. No doctor will ever clear you to go back on the job,” Patrick told him. “I’m sorry. We did everything we could, but with the injury from February still not fully healed, the existing damage from November—”

“You did this,” Lucky hissed to Elizabeth, his fists clenched at his sides, the knuckles so white they nearly matched the sheets. “You fucking whore.”

Elizabeth shook her head. “No—No, I never meant for any of this to happen—”

“No? You got yourself kidnapped by one of Jason’s enemies, Elizabeth. What the fuck did you think would happen?” Lucky demanded. “How long have you been fucking him? Did you ever even stop? Has it been all this time?”

“No, we never—”

“Stop lying to me!” Lucky screamed, his voice bouncing off the walls and surely carrying out to the hallway. “You’re always lying to me!”

“I—”

“Elizabeth, go,” Patrick muttered to her, obviously alarmed by the quick rise in fury in his patient. Elizabeth was suddenly convinced if Lucky could have stood—

“Why are you protecting her? What do you think I’ll do?” Lucky’s rage continued to boil over. “Do you think I’ll hurt her? She can’t be hurt. There’s nothing inside her. Nothing but lies! You’ve always been a liar!”

“I—” Her voice faltered. She’d known it would be bad—that it would hurt—but she realized now what a terrible decision this had been. This wasn’t worth it. Nothing was worth this. “I never—”

“What happened to you?” Lucky continued, his words slashing at her like knives. “To the girl who crawled out of the snow? Where did she go?”

“Out of the snow…” Bile rose in her throat. “You mean…after the rape…” Oh, God. “What are you—” Tears stung her eyes, and her hands slid to her sides as she tried to fight what his words meant. He couldn’t—no—

“That’s my Elizabeth. You’ve killed her. She’s gone. Get out of here! Whore!”

“Go,” Patrick ordered, but Elizabeth had already turned, fumbling with the latch on the door before fleeing.

“Whore,” Lucky muttered, laying back against his bed. “The nerve of that bitch coming in here—”

Patrick quietly hung Lucky’s chart on the bed again. “You can go to hell,” he told his patient. “They can suspend me. They can fire me. But I am done.”

Then he left, deciding he needed to hunt down Emily or Robin—a woman who would know how to convince Elizabeth to get out. Because he was pretty close to just locking her in a room until she came to her damn senses.

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Sam had just stepped off the elevator when Elizabeth came barreling down one of the hallways, almost slamming right into her.

“Whoa, are you okay?” Sam put out her hands to steady Elizabeth’s trembling shoulders. She winced at the bruises on Elizabeth’s face. Even though she wasn’t overly fond of the other woman, she could take a step back and understand that Elizabeth wasn’t even really the enemy.

“Sam—” Elizabeth’s face paled. “Oh, God. Why are you here? Why can’t this just stop—” She put her hands against her face, pressing them to her cheeks. “I just want it to stop.”

“What? What are you even running from?” Sam demanded. “And why shouldn’t I be here?”

“What?” Elizabeth blinked at her, trying to focus on her. “No, I just mean—” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to get my thoughts straight. I just—” She swallowed hard. “Lucky just found out he won’t be able to go back to active duty.”

“Uh-huh, that sucks.” Sam tipped her head. “And…I’m guessing he blames you. I’ve heard the gossip. I know he’s where most of it got started.”

“I just— I don’t understand how any of this—I was just minding my own business, and now I can’t get anyone to leave me alone—Why won’t they just leave me alone?” Elizabeth delivered the last part at the top of her lungs to a pair of nurses who were giggling behind the nurse’s desk.

Sam narrowed her eyes. “You can’t get anyone to leave you alone? What does that mean? Are you talking about Jason? Because I know—” She bit off her words, realizing she’d nearly confronted Elizabeth about the midnight visit in the middle of the hospital.

Because that wouldn’t make any of this go away.

“Oh, God, that’s why you’re here? He told you?” A startled flush was the only color on Elizabeth’s chalk-white face. “Why would he do that?”

Later, Sam would decide this was the moment she should have walked away. She could see Elizabeth was in distress, and she knew that the other woman had been terrorized by Manny. She could see the evidence of it on her face, in the bruises and cuts, in the brace on her wrist.

But she couldn’t. Because Jason kept everything close to his chest. Talked around the problem—absolutely refused to just tell her what was going on—

And Sam knew how to push someone’s buttons. If she wanted to know what Jason was telling Elizabeth—

Well, there was one way to find out.

“I guess because he feels guilty,” Sam said slowly. “You both do, don’t you? You should.”

With a low moan, Elizabeth started to walk away, to jab at the elevator buttons. Sam’s stomach sank. She hadn’t denied it. They felt guilty. It was just about the words. That’s all.

Because it was one thing for them to talk about emotions—but if—if there was more—if there was more—

Sam didn’t even know why it was worse, somehow. If Jason had put his hands on this woman and still come home to her—she didn’t know how to deal with that. She’d always been the other woman.

Is this how those women had felt when Sam had slipped into their lives, stolen their husbands, convinced them to leave? This stinging sense of betrayal? Maybe she could accept she didn’t own Jason’s heart, but the least the bastard could do was keep his body to himself—

“It’s—I can’t do this. I can’t do this right now—”

“Can’t do what? I’m so sick of you and Jason pretending you’re some epic romance,” Sam hissed. “You’re nothing. You know you’re nothing. He came home to me last night—”

“I—” Elizabeth nodded. “I know. I know. I told him we had to stop. That we promised people things, and I don’t break promises. I can’t be that person. I’m not a liar—” her voice climbed unsteadily. “I don’t care what anyone says. I can’t be a liar—”

“Then stop lying to me,” Sam snapped. “Stop lying to Lucky. Stop letting Jason lie to me. You two aren’t just damn friends, are you? Something happened while I was gone—”

And the guilt in Elizabeth’s face, the wince, the helpless flutter of her hands as she tried to stop crying—Sam’s world stopped spinning. “I didn’t—It’s not like that. I won’t let it be like that. I’m not that person. I don’t want to be that person.”

“What happened?” Sam pushed, and Elizabeth shook her head, obviously forgetting that Sam had said she already knew. “Damn it. You tell me you’re not a liar. Well, stop lying to me!”

“It was just—” Her voice faltered. “Just a kiss. That’s it. I never—it never would have—I’m sorry. I stopped it. And then he stopped it—”

“Twice? He kissed you twice?” Once, maybe, Sam could deal with that—but twice—Christ. “What, three times, and you’ll just jump into bed? How the hell am I supposed to trust you? Trust him? How do I know you’re not lying to me now? What’s wrong with you? Why can’t you just stay away!”

Elizabeth sucked in a nasty sob that sounded like her entire body was curling up and dying. “I tried,” she managed.

“What the hell is going on here?” Epiphany demanded as she stalked over and put herself between the two women.

“Stay out of this,” Sam ordered. “This is between me and this lying bitch! You kept coming to him! I saw you! You called him!”

“Epiphany, get her out of here!” Patrick all but skidded to a stop as he slid between the two women. “Now! Elizabeth, go home!”

“I—” Elizabeth looked around, and now Sam did, too. As if just realizing that it wasn’t just the two nurses from earlier. Several people were staring at them. Almost a dozen had stopped. “I did stay away,” she managed faintly. “It didn’t work.”

And Sam knew then. Knew that Elizabeth was telling the truth. That, at some point, it hadn’t been Elizabeth doing the seeking. After all, hadn’t Jason made the midnight visit? Her face felt hot and itchy as she really saw Elizabeth for the first time, the fragility in the other woman’s posture, the bloodshot eyes, the trembling body—

Elizabeth had been on the edge of a breakdown, and Sam had just shoved her right over. She stepped back. “I’m sorry,” she said faintly. “I didn’t mean—”

“Let’s go,” Epiphany said as she put an arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders and hustled her away. “Don’t come near her again.”

Feeling sick, Sam nodded as Epiphany took the devastated woman away. She looked at Patrick, who looked as if he might cheerfully murder her. “I shouldn’t have—”

“She’s not your friend. Or your sister. She owes you nothing. Get out,” Patrick said flatly. “Before I have security remove you.”

Numb, Sam nodded and pressed the elevator button. Mercifully, this time, the doors opened, and she stepped inside.

What the hell had she just done?

Don’t you plead me your case, don’t bother to explain
Don’t even show me your face, cause it’s a crying shame
Just go back to the rock from under which you came
Take the sorrow you gave and all the stakes you claim
And don’t forget the blame
– Sleep to Dream, Fiona Apple

---

Sunday, April 9, 2006

Corinthos & Morgan Warehouse: Loading Dock

“Uh, Jase?”

Wiping sweat from his brow, Jason heaved another bag of coffee from one pallet to another before turning to find his tech guy, Stan Johnson, with a worried look on his face. “Stan? What’s going on?”

“This is gonna sound weird, but my mom is in your office. She called me, trying to find you. She says she needs to talk to you.”

The only thing Jason and Epiphany Johnson had in common was Stan…and Elizabeth. Jason gestured for Stan to follow him as he weaved in and out of clusters of men switching between second and third shift, picking up pace as he neared the hallway of the offices.

Epiphany Johnson was standing in the middle of his office, a jacket pulled over a pair of scrubs. She lifted her brows. “You need to get your woman under control.”

“What?” Jason blinked and shook his head. “I don’t know what you mean—”

“Stan, this doesn’t concern you.” Epiphany pointed a finger at her son, who didn’t even bother to argue. He pulled the door shut as he left. “I told you. Elizabeth has been through more in the last forty-eight hours than some people deal with in a lifetime—”

“What happened? I just saw her last night—” Jason stepped towards Epiphany, furrowing his brow. “What happened?” he repeated.

“It was a mistake to let you anywhere near her yesterday. You keep away from her, and you tell your girlfriend to do the same. Elizabeth doesn’t owe either of you a damn thing—”

“What happened?” Jason cut in sharply, the slash in his voice rendering Epiphany speechless for a moment. “What is going on?”

“Elizabeth went to tell Lucky he’ll never be a cop again, and the little shit handled that about as well as you’d think.” Epiphany pursed her lips. “I don’t know what exactly he said to her, but she ran out of that room like the hounds of hell were chasing her—and then she ran into your fiancée.”

“Sam,” Jason said, dread creeping up his spine. “Why would she—”

“I just know that by the time Patrick and I got there, Elizabeth was crying, Sam was calling her a lying bitch, and the whole damn hospital was there.”

Jason closed his eyes, shook his head. He’d never—he’d never thought Sam would take this problem to Elizabeth but then again…he remembered now that Elizabeth told him the day on the docks, Sam had confronted her.

She hadn’t told him what Sam had said, but now…Jason worried. “Is she okay?”

“Patrick got a hold of Emily, who drove her home. I gave her the week off. And I got the board to agree to paid leave.” Epiphany smirked. “I suggested she’d be able to sue us for negligence since we hired the psycho.”

Then she narrowed her eyes, squinting at Jason like he was a bug on the sidewalk she’d like to stomp. “You keep yourself and that woman away from my nurse. She does not need your bullshit.”

“I know. I’ll deal with it.”

“Do that.”

And with that, Epiphany stalked out. Jason let his head fall back to look at the ceiling, frustrated with every single thing on the planet. He should have known after the conversation the night before that Sam wouldn’t let sleeping dogs lie.

He’d just thought she’d take it out on him.

“Uh, Jase…I just saw my mom walking out of her like she was about to do murder. Everything cool?”

“Yeah, yeah. Your mom—she’s just…she’s looking out for Elizabeth.”

“Yeah, she really likes her,” Stan offered. “You need anything from me? This Manny thing wrapped up yet?”

“I don’t know. The PCPD is probably still trying to figure out how to pin a murder charge on me, but I’m letting Justus worry about that.” Jason cleared his throat. “I gotta head out. I have some things to deal with.”

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Living Room

Elizabeth rubbed her eyes and stepped back to let her father-in-law in. “Hey, Luke.”

“Hey, kid. Where’s the munchkin? He in his room?”

“No, Carly offered to watch him for me,” Elizabeth admitted. “She came to pick him up and take him to Thunder Island with Morgan.”

“Carly?” Luke frowned. “When did you two become friends?”

“Never.” Elizabeth closed the door and went back into Cameron’s room, where she was sorting his toys into boxes. “But Morgan and Cameron get along great, and I know Carly has a tough time finding parents who will let their kid hang out with Morgan.”

“Yeah, Caroline’s not a big hit with other moms, and that’s before you even throw Sonny into the mix.” Luke scratched his brow. “Uh…what are you doing?”

“Going through Cameron’s toys so I can pack them,” Elizabeth said flatly.

“I was afraid of that. Listen, Elizabeth, I know things seem bad right now—”

“Luke—”

“I’m just asking you to hear me out, Darlin’. I know my boy isn’t at his best right now—”

Elizabeth shook her head but realized she wouldn’t be able to concentrate on packing her things until she got Luke out of the apartment. It would be better just to let him do what he was gonna do and get over it. “His best, Luke? Really?”

“I—”

“Do you know what he said to me earlier?” Elizabeth asked. “When I went to the hospital, ready to overlook all the things he’d said and done, just to—just to try to put it behind us—” She looked at him. “He said he wanted to know where the girl in the snow went.”

“The girl in the…” She saw the moment Luke understood the reference. His Adam’s Apple bobbed. “Hell.”

“Your boy apparently liked me best when I was a weeping, fragile mess that needed him to breathe. He wants that girl back—”

“You know that’s not true—Liz, come on—”

“I don’t know any damn thing—” Elizabeth huffed, then stalked out of Cameron’s bedroom. She went to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water. “Luke, I don’t know what the hell you expect from me.”

“I came here to beg you to give Lucky another chance.”

No. The word nearly burst from her lips like a bullet, but she bit it back. Luke didn’t know. He didn’t get it. “Luke—”

“I want you to remember the Lucky we knew once. The Lucky you and I knew before it all went to hell.” Luke pulled out a worn picture and shoved it at her. Elizabeth took it from him and sighed. Lucky’s smiling face holding his little sister. His parents with him.

God, she’d loved that boy. “When was this taken? I don’t remember his hair being that long.”

“About a year before you moved here.” Luke took the photo from her and smiled down at it himself. “He was a great kid. The kind of kid I knew I didn’t deserve. I don’t even know where he came from. It was like…this mix of everything good and pure about me and Laura—you know what I mean.”

“I do. That was a long time ago.” Elizabeth sat at their cramped table. “I have a little boy of my own—”

“I know. I know. But you just—you gotta understand then. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my boy. You feel that way about Cameron.” Luke sat at the other seat, his blue eyes intent on hers. Focused. “If your little guy was hurting, if you knew a way to help him, wouldn’t you do anything?”

“I—” Elizabeth felt her breath catch. “Yes. But—”

“I know Lucky has…he’s done terrible things. Shameful. Barbara Jean told me everything—”

“What? No—”

“It’s just you and me here, kid.” Luke’s eyes, always so kind and understanding, were soft. “You know I’ll believe you. I can see the bruise Barbara told me about.”

Elizabeth touched her face. “It—he pushed me. I fell into the wall…”

“I’m sorry. There’s never a reason—” Luke swallowed hard. “I know that sounds like crap coming from me considering what I did to Laura, but I never, ever put my hands on her in anger after that night. I terrified myself that night, and I made a promise that I would never hurt her again. That doesn’t make it right, but it’s just—it’s a promise I kept.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together. “Luke—”

“The boy you and I knew—the one who found you that night, who brought you home, and took care of you? That boy never would have done this to you. It kills me to know this happened. That my blood did this.” Luke’s voice rasped as he continued. “But you know that’s not who Lucky is. Not deep inside.”

“I think…” Elizabeth said, after a long moment, “that it’s not the Lucky I knew then. But—”

“He’s in there. I know my Cowboy is in there. You know it, too. You married him. You gave him another chance last year. I’m just—I’m begging you not to give up on him.”

“Luke—”

“If he loses you, if he loses his career and his family all at once—” Luke shook his head. “That’s it. That’s the last chance we’ll ever get. He’ll never recover from it. And maybe the man he is right now—he doesn’t deserve it. I don’t know. You were there. You’re the one that got hurt. But, God, Elizabeth, doesn’t that boy deserve another chance?”

Elizabeth sat back, her chest tight. “Luke, I don’t know if I can keep fighting for him. I don’t think I’ll survive it.”

“You won’t be alone this time. This time, I know. And Barbara—she’s mad as hell I’m asking you to even consider it—but I just—he and Lulu are all I got left of my angel. I have to ask the impossible. Because if anyone deserved it, it’s the kid that you fell in love with all those years ago. Lucky deserves it.”

“I—” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I don’t know if I can trust him again, Luke. If I can even—I don’t know if I even love him. After everything—I mean, you don’t know it all. And even if I could—what makes you think Lucky is going to—he thinks these terrible things. And no matter what you think—”

“I’ll talk to him. I’m not asking you to promise him forever. That’s not something anyone can promise. And I get it—you can damage love. Kill it with abuse and anger. I did it to Laura. I know I did. I know I’m most of the reason she’s locked up in herself.”

“If he puts his hands on me again,” Elizabeth said slowly. Her body shuddered. Oh, God, was she really going to try this? Hadn’t she been through enough? Didn’t she deserve a break?

But if she left Lucky tonight, if she left him while he was still in the hospital—that would be all anyone would think about. All they’d talk about. And the whispers and the snickers—she didn’t want it. She just wanted to get away from them all.

She could leave Port Charles. She could take her son and run. Steven might even let her stay with him in Memphis. Maybe Sarah out in California. Leaving Port Charles was the only way to leave Lucky right now.

Luke reached over to cover her hand. “Thank you for even thinking about it,” he told her. “You should tell me to go to hell. I almost want you to. Because I know I’m asking you to do something that no woman should.”

“It’s so easy…” She sucked in a breath, struggled to keep herself together. “It’s so easy to say — one hit, and I’m gone. You ask yourself why women stay. Weak women stay. Cycle of abuse. God, we’re all so fucking arrogant—” Elizabeth scrubbed her hands over her face. “But it’s not easy. It’s…you’re right. It’s that hope that he’s still in there. That we can save him.”

“Elizabeth—”

“And I want to save him, Luke. I want to be the one that brings back the best of the boy we loved. I loved Lucky. And we were so happy. I’ve never been as happy with anyone as I was those few months before the fire—” She swallowed hard. “I want to save him. Because he saved me. If there’s a chance, maybe I owe that to him—”

Luke hesitated. “I don’t know about owe—”

“I’ll stay. For now.” Elizabeth said, finally. And gently, in her mind, closed the door on whatever might have happened if Jason ever asked her that question. He would always be a wish. A fantasy that could never happen.

Lucky was her reality. Her right now. And Luke was right. If there was a chance that boy could ever be found again, Elizabeth had to try. He would do it for her.

“If he hits me again,” Elizabeth said slowly. “That’s it, Luke. I can’t—I can promise to try. But I can’t keep living like this. So I’ll try. But he has to try, too. He has to want to make this better.”

“I know. I know. We’ll make it happen.” Luke squeezed her hands. “We’re going to make it right. You and me. We’re going to fight for him. He’d do it for us.”

“Yeah,” Elizabeth said with a half-smile. “He would.” Once upon a time. But she was terrified that the boy they were trying to find had died in a fire a lifetime ago and would never come home again.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

When Jason walked through the door that afternoon, he saw Sam sitting quietly on the sofa, her eyes bloodshot, tearstains on her cheeks.

“Epiphany came to tell me you went to the hospital. What did you do?” he asked.

“Nothing I’m proud of,” she murmured. She got to her feet and held out her hand. “I’ve been waiting for you. I knew someone would tell you.”

Jason opened his palm and watched as her engagement ring dropped into his grasp. And felt relief. “I should have ended it weeks ago,’” he said after a long moment.

Stung, Sam met his eyes for the first time, and her nostrils flared. “Are you serious right now’? I asked you if you wanted me to leave—just last night—”

“And I should have said yes.” He took a deep breath. “Because if I had, you never would have gone to the hospital today.”

Her face flushed. “Excuse me? Are you—we’re breaking up—I am giving you back your engagement ring after everything you did to me—and all you can think about is her—” Sam laughed, a bitter, twisted sound. “Of course. Of course. Who cares that my life has fallen apart, too, right? I’ve not only lost my past—my entire identity—but now my future is gone. I’ve lost my home. But—hey—” She put her hands up. “My real crime here is asking your whore how many times you’ve slept together in our bed—”

Jason flinched, then scowled. “We never—”

“Slept together, I know. You keep telling yourself that makes any difference.”

She stalked past him toward the stairs, then whirled back to face him. “I can’t believe you have the nerve to act like I did something wrong. So you didn’t actually have sex. Big deal. You kissed her, didn’t you?”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Yes.”

Sam pressed her lips together. “And if she’d given you the slightest opportunity, you would have slept with her, right?”

He clenched his hands into fists at his side. “Sam—”

“Don’t lie to me. Because if you wanted to say no, you would have said yes. Have the guts to at least be honest with me for once. Would you have slept with Elizabeth if she gave you the chance?”

Jason sighed, looked down at his feet for a long moment before raising his gaze to hers. It was time to stop lying. “Yeah. Yeah, I would have. Sam—”

She held out a hand to stop him, and he closed his mouth. Sam took a moment, her lips trembling as she fought to get herself under control. When she looked at him, her eyes were burning. “Do you think I’m proud that I pushed her into losing it? Into making that scene at the hospital? God, Jason, I’m not cruel. I know she’s been through hell—”

“Then why?” Jason shook his head. “You already knew how I felt. Come at me, Sam. I deserve it—she doesn’t. You know that. Why did you do it?”

“I—” Sam sighed, some of the flush fading from her cheeks. “I don’t know. I think maybe I told myself I just wanted to see her. I know you don’t believe this, but I actually don’t hate Elizabeth. I even like her sometimes. What I hate is how you let her get between us—”

“That wasn’t her fault.”

“No. It wasn’t. And she made that very clear. She told you to stay away, and you didn’t. You kept showing up—” Sam curled her fingers into fists as her scowl deepened. “You couldn’t just admit the truth. I asked you if you wanted me to leave, but that was the wrong fucking question. I should have asked myself if I wanted to stay.”

“I screwed this up. I know that—”

“You’d think you’d know how to handle this with all your damn experience,” Sam shot back, the fury rising again. “I’m hardly the first woman you’ve cheated on.”

“I didn’t—”

“You don’t know what the hell you want. You keep Robin dangling on a string while Carly’s in the wings. You let Elizabeth drive herself crazy while you were out with Courtney—and God knows, you’ve made me look like a damn fool—” Sam stabbed a finger at him. “You’re never happy with what you have. You always want something else.”

“That’s not true—”

“Even if you begged me to stay, I wouldn’t. I stood in that the hospital, screaming at a woman I knew was on the brink of a nervous breakdown, and I just—I thought, why the hell am I taking this out on her? She and I weren’t friends. We’re not sisters. She didn’t owe me anything. You did. You owed me the truth. And if you couldn’t manage that, you owed me a little fucking respect.”

“I—” Jason swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. You’re right.”

“Well, it’s too late damn late for any of that.” Sam stared at him. “She’s not going to leave her husband for you. Not after all of this. Maybe before everything went to hell, before he lost his career—but she’s not brave enough to throw away her life for you. And I don’t blame her. Because you’re fickle, Jason. And even as much as I hate her right now, she deserves better.”

Jason stepped back, took a deep breath. “We’re done talking about this—”

“I hope you rot in hell and die alone, you son of a bitch.” With that, Sam turned and stalked up the stairs.

Shaken, Jason sat on the arm of the sofa and listened to the sounds of Sam packing—throwing things around—stomping—

And couldn’t find a single reason to argue with anything she’d said. He’d hurt every single woman he’d ever been with. Robin. Carly. Elizabeth. Courtney. Sam. Why would Elizabeth put herself through the crap she’d have to put up with to be with him after all he’d done to hurt her?

He’d never once been able to tell her how he’d felt. Had never once told her loved her. He’d told Carly when it wasn’t even really true. But not Elizabeth. He’d never once had the courage to say the words.

And now, she’d never give him the chance.

He deserved nothing less after the damage he had caused her by simply refusing to stay away when she’d asked.

A few minutes later, Sam came down the stairs, dragging the duffel she’d packed before she’d left for Florida. “Have someone pack the rest of my things,” she said. She jerked open the door and left.

She never looked back, and after ten minutes, he went downstairs to the garage to take out his bike.

He needed to be nowhere. Fast.

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Living Room

Elizabeth sighed when she opened the door, expecting to see Milo Giambetti dropping off Cameron that evening. Instead of Max’s boyishly charming younger brother, she found Bobbie holding Cameron’s hand, a hopeful smile on her face.

She’d been looking forward to a quiet evening with her little boy, closing out the world and trying to figure out how to deal with the decision she’d made.

It had been a terrible day, beginning with the scene that morning with Lucky, the run-in with Sam, and the conversation with Luke. She’d gone from being positive her marriage was definitely over to agreeing to one last try. Or at least, she’d agreed not to leave for a little while.

And she was sure that Bobbie was here to talk about the situation. This was the last thing she wanted, but she knew Lucky’s aunt was someone she could trust.

“Hey, come on in. Did you have a good time at Thunder Island?” Elizabeth asked as she knelt down to hug Cameron, still not quite able to lift her son with her injured shoulder and strained wrist.

“Yeah. Best time ever. Carly is nice, Mommy. Is she my aunt?” Cameron asked as he kissed her cheek, then wandered towards the sofa, clutching a stuffed rabbit by the ear as it dragged on the floor. “I wonned this bunny.”

“Cool.” Elizabeth looked at Bobbie, confused. “Why does he want to know—”

“Because Carly is my daughter, and I’m his Aunt Bobbie. He asked Carly, too,” Bobbie said with a half-smile.

“Oh, man, I bet she loved that,” Elizabeth murmured, thinking of her nemesis. “What did she say?”

“She said it was up to you.” Bobbie went into the kitchen to get Cameron a juice while Elizabeth just watched the competent and experienced grandmother get Cameron settled in the living room with his toys, a snack, and the ever-present Spiderman movie DVD she’d given him for Christmas. “Let’s talk in the kitchen.”

“I’m glad Cam has a friend his age,” Elizabeth said slowly as they sat at the little table. She sipped a bottle of water. “But…Carly and I really don’t like each other. I don’t know how I feel about my kid getting attached to her that way—”

“Particularly after Lucky’s reaction to Cameron spending time with Sonny’s son,” Bobbie said. When Elizabeth didn’t answer, the older woman sighed. “I’ll admit I had hoped you’d be asking me to take you to Audrey’s or just…somewhere else. I didn’t expect you to still be here.”

“Luke came by.”

Bobbie closed her eyes, looked as though maybe she were counting to ten silently, before opening them again and meeting Elizabeth’s gaze. “And my brother convinced you to stay.”

“He asked me not to leave right now. To give Lucky some time to sort things out.” Elizabeth sighed. “I know you’re against it—”

“I’m not for or against anything, sweetheart.” Bobbie squeezed Elizabeth’s hand. “It’s not my job to do that. I’m just here to tell you that whatever you need, I’ll be here.”

Her breath caught. “Bobbie—”

“That being said, I just want to point out a few things to make sure you’ve thought this through. And if after I’m done speaking, you’re still committed to this…choice, I’ll stop arguing.”

“Okay.”

“I think we can stop pretending that all of the bruises and injuries are just from Manny Ruiz,” Bobbie told her. “My nephew has been physically and emotionally abusive. You’re an adult, so if you’re choosing to believe Luke and that there’s a chance Lucky can turn this around—I can’t stop you.”

“But?”

“But you have a child. A little boy who deserves to be your number one priority.” Bobbie raised her brows. “Are you planning to continue raising him in this home, with a man who has not treated you well?”

Elizabeth hadn’t quite let herself think about what would happen if she stayed—she really hadn’t gotten past the initial decision. She licked her lips. “I’ll be honest that up until now, the relationship I had hoped would develop between Cameron and Lucky hasn’t…really happened. Lucky’s…I mean, you know. You did us a favor by helping out. He wouldn’t.”

“That disappoints me,” Bobbie admits, “but, no, it doesn’t surprise me. Has he been…rough or angry with Cameron?”

“No—no, except maybe earlier this week when he was sick.” God, had that only been a few days ago? “Lucky brought him to the hospital, but I don’t think he was mean or rough about it. He was just…It was the wrong decision.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “But no. He mostly ignores Cameron.”

“I see.”

Her chest burned. “Oh, God, he ignores him. Like my parents did. Cameron’s going to know one day, isn’t he? How can I—” Elizabeth pressed her hands to her face. “How can I do this?”

“Which brings me to my second point, Elizabeth.” Bobbie gently pulled Elizabeth’s hands from her face. “Do you still love my nephew? Are you in love with him? Do you see a future with him? Because no matter what you and Luke think, we’re never going to have the boy he once was. Maybe we can give him some peace, maybe we can work on the anger. But Lucky is never coming home.”

“I—” Elizabeth cleared her throat. “Of course I’m in love with him. I married him—”

“Did you marry the man? Or did you marry the memory?” Bobbie tilted her head. “It’s just you and me here.”

Her throat felt tight, but Elizabeth finally forced the words out. “I don’t know. I think—I think part of me blames myself for all of this. Not-not the original injury. I mean, we were doing okay for a while. He was unhappy, but I wasn’t…I wasn’t miserable, Bobbie. If he’d never gotten hurt—”

“But he did.”

“Yeah, but…I don’t know what changed everything. I don’t know if his worry about never going back to work just…spilled over. And I know—I know this…Manny and Jason stuff—it is my fault. I never should have gotten involved. I should have kept myself out of it. I should have stayed away from Jason.”

“But you didn’t.”

“Bobbie—”

“You can spend the rest of your life wondering what if things had been different—what if you’d zigged instead of zagged. But you didn’t. Marriage isn’t supposed to be a penance. It isn’t supposed to be an obligation.”

Bobbie managed a sad smile. “Take it from someone who has tried it all. I married for love, I married for friendship, I married for revenge—and none of it quite worked for me. You deserve happiness, Elizabeth. Not the memory of it, but the actual feeling.”

“I’m…” She shook her head. “I know.”

“Do you?”

“I think I know,” Elizabeth admitted. “Bobbie—” She sighed. “Maybe I don’t love Lucky as he is today. And maybe I can’t ever love or trust him again. I know you’re right. I know that Luke is living in a fantasy. Whatever happens to Lucky going forward, this last month will always be part of our story. We’re not those teenagers making promises anymore. And maybe I don’t owe the man who’s hurt me anything.”

She waited a moment, trying to figure out how to articulate her choice, which felt more solid now that she’d thought through all the angles. “And I told Luke I’m not promising forever. I don’t think I can. I don’t think I can stay forever, Bobbie. But he’s right that if I leave now, when Lucky’s at rock bottom, I’ll always wonder if I could have done more. I’ll always wonder if I could have fixed it. Even if I just stay a month, even if I just…stay another day. I need to know.”

“Okay.” Bobbie nodded. “I can understand that.” She hesitated. “And what about Jason?”

“What about him?” Elizabeth dully. “There’s nothing—we never slept together—”

“You and I both know that love isn’t about sex. Are you in love with Jason?”

“I—” She pressed her lips together. “Probably. And he might even be in love with me. You’re right. We never slept together, but I don’t think—I think if Manny hadn’t happened or maybe there had been the opportunity—I don’t know.”

“Where does he fit into all of this? Does he know you’re going to stay with Lucky?”

“He doesn’t. He doesn’t know, and he doesn’t fit.” She sighed. “Which is something I should tell him. We should…clear the air, and I need to make him understand that whatever has been going on—whatever label we put on it—it can’t keep going.” She looked at Bobbie. “Am I making a terrible mistake?”

“It’s not my job to tell you that. I think you have far too many people who judge you, Elizabeth. All you can do is your best. And I think you are.” Bobbie leaned over, kissed her forehead. “Whatever you do, wherever you end up, you are my family. And that will never change.”

Elizabeth swiped at her eyes, sniffled, and then smiled. “Then if Carly doesn’t mind it, I want Cameron to feel like he’s part of your family. You’re his Aunt Bobbie. Carly and her boys can be whatever they want to be to him. He deserves all the love I can give him.”

“Then, Aunt Carly it is.”

Elizabeth laughed then, a small hysterical burst of sound that surprised her. But she kept laughing because it felt good, and then she went with Bobbie to go watch Spiderman with her son.

If we both were born
In another place and time
This moment might be ending in a kiss
But there you are with yours
And here I am with mine
So I guess we’ll just be leaving it at this
I honestly love you.
– I Honestly Love You, Olivia Newton-John

---

Monday, April 10, 2006

General Hospital: Lucky’s Hospital Room

Luke Spencer was not a good man. He’d never lied to himself on that account. He’d never pretended to be anything except a son of a bitch who’d managed to strike gold for a bit.

For a brief moment, for a handful of years, he’d played patriarch to a perfect family. He’d been married to the best woman God had ever created, and she’d seen fit to give him two children who had been perfect in every sense of the word.

No piece of that life had survived to this moment. His angel, his beloved Laura, was locked inside her own brain, unlikely to ever come back to him, and his children were strangers to him. He’d never been much of a father to Lulu—she’d always belonged to her mother—but oh, his boy—his son—had been someone Luke had been proud to know.

That pride was hard to remember now as Luke walked through the door to find his sullen son lying on his back, his eyes staring at the ceiling. This man was a pale shadow of the boy he’d been, and Luke wondered if maybe this was all just a fool’s errand.

But he’d already done the hardest part and convinced the second-best woman who had ever been put on the Earth to give his son another chance. Luke took the seat next to Lucky and cleared his throat.

“Well, this is a real mess you got yourself in, Cowboy.”

“I don’t want to talk to anyone,” Lucky muttered. He turned his head to the other side, to stare at the blank wall.

“That’s too damn bad because I got things to say. It’s a shame that you can’t have the life you thought you would. I never…I never really understood the cop thing, but you wanted it, and I decided to just try my best to support you. I’m sorry it can’t happen.”

Lucky remained silent, so Luke trudged on. “I decided to do a little damage control for you, Cowboy, because you’d made a mess of things with the pieces you still have left. I went to your place and found Elizabeth packing her things, ready to go.”

“Probably going to Jason,” Lucky muttered.

“Well, I don’t know where she was planning to go, but judging by the bruise on her face, she had her reasons.”

Lucky twisted his head then, his bloodshot eyes narrowed on his father. “Did she tell you?”

“She didn’t have to tell me. Your aunt did. She told me about your fight on Friday. And I saw the bruise today.”

“I didn’t—” Lucky’s voice faltered. “It was an accident.”

“And her shoulder?”

A flush rose on Lucky’s cheeks as he looked away. “That, too.”

“Any other accidents you want to tell me about?” Luke asked sharply. “I didn’t raise you to put your hands on women—”

“You’re gonna lecture me about violence against women?” Lucky snorted. “Don’t bother, Dad. I guess I’m not much better than you.”

“You were supposed to be. But maybe there’s no point.” Luke’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe there is something rotten in us. I tell myself I never raised my hand to your mother in anger, but it’s a lie, isn’t it?”

Lucky said nothing, so Luke continued.

“That night—that night, I didn’t care about her. I only took what I wanted. It was a moment of insanity, of desperation, and yes, violence. I struck out at the woman I said I loved, and I hurt her. I can tell myself it wasn’t anger towards her, but maybe it was. Maybe I thought she should have given me some attention.” He paused. “I never forgave myself for that.”

“Didn’t bother you when you married her. Had kids with her—”

“I was raised in a world where men took charge, and women listened. I was raised by a man who claimed to love my mother, too. But when he was angry, she saw the back of his hand more than anyone else.” Luke’s chest tightened as he thought of his beloved mother, gone more than forty years. “Eventually, he killed her. He shoved her so hard that her head hit the table.”

Luke closed his eyes. Even after all these years, he could still see it. “She died instantly, Cowboy. From one angry shove.”

Lucky swallowed hard. “I—”

“In a lot of ways, I think my mother was already gone. He stole years of happiness from her every time he smacked her across the face. Every time he took his bad day or bad luck out on her body.”

Lucky hesitated, flicked his eyes to meet his father’s. “I didn’t know that.”

Luke shook his head. “My father beat my mother every day, and I hated him for it.” His voice trembled as he finally admitted the dark truth. “And I hated her sometimes for not leaving. How could a woman stay after that? And how can a man say he loves a woman and do that to her? It wasn’t until I was older, until after…that terrible night, when I looked at your mother, saw the damage and the terror—” He stared down at his hands. “It scared me.”

“I didn’t mean to do it.” Lucky closed his eyes. “I was just… I was so angry. Jason—Fucking Jason Morgan bought Cameron medicine that I knew we couldn’t afford, and I just—I couldn’t stand it. I started to get rid of it, and Elizabeth tried to stop me—” His voice wavered. “I told her I was sorry. She stayed, Dad. She forgave me.”

“And then?”

“And then…I grabbed her. I pushed her.” The muscles in Lucky’s throat worked hard as he struggled to speak. “I kept telling myself to stop, but I couldn’t. And then she went to Jason. She’s been having an affair with him, Dad. She’s lying to me—”

“Even if that is true,” Luke said gently, “what gives you the right to put your hands on her? To bruise her? Leave a mark?”

“N-Nothing. I know that. I always know it after it happens, I just get so mad—and then she’s just standing there, and I know she wishes I were him—”

“If she wanted Jason Morgan, I guarantee you, Cowboy, Elizabeth could have him. She’s always stayed with you.”

“But Manny—she went to him about Manny—” He stopped, took a deep breath. “That’s not right. She came to me first. And I pushed her away. I told her we couldn’t do anything.”

“And Elizabeth Webber never takes no for an answer. She wanted to protect Skye. And she needed to protect herself. Do you blame her for doing whatever she had to do? I would have gone to Corinthos and Morgan myself if I needed protection for my family.”

“It doesn’t matter. I lost control. I said things—did things—I can’t take them back.” Lucky shook his head. “It’s over. I can’t fix it—”

“I talked to Elizabeth, and God love her, she’s not ready to give up on you yet.”

“She…” Lucky’s eyes were damp. “She didn’t—but you said she was packing—”

“I reminded her of what the two of you have, and that it’s worth fighting for. I know you, Cowboy. And so does she. She knows this isn’t you. She’s always loved you, and she’s willing to give you another chance.” He hesitated. “She has some conditions, I’m sure, and she’ll talk to you soon enough. But I got my own terms if you want my support.”

“What conditions—”

“You stop throwing tantrums about Cameron playing with Morgan. That’s Bobbie’s grandson, and apparently, our Cam has taken a shine to him. Elizabeth is not giving up something that makes her boy happy, and you don’t get to hurt my sister over this Jason crap.”

“Fine. I-I can do that—”

“If you lay one more hand on her, I’ll help her pack. You get me, boy? If you touch her again, I’ll lay you out flat.” Luke shook his head. “That’s it. Those are the only things I wanted to make clear to you. You give her whatever she wants, Lucky. Because if Elizabeth walks this time, you’re not getting another chance.”

“Okay.” Lucky took a deep breath. “I can do this, Dad. I can—I can do this. If Elizabeth…if she’ll forgive me, and stay away from Jason, I can be better.”

Luke searched his son’s face, had hoped to see more resolution, more determination. And maybe a bit more shame. But whatever he’d wanted to see, it wasn’t there.

Luke nodded, then got to his feet. “We’ll see what we see then.”

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Elizabeth gingerly stepped into the small courtyard, Cameron’s hand clutched in hers. She avoided the curious stares from two of the tables seated, enjoying the unseasonably warm early spring weather.

“Aunt Em!” Cameron let his fingers slide from hers as he toddled over to her best friend, seated at the third table. Emily stood up and swept the little boy into her arms, pressing kisses to his face. Cameron giggled and blew raspberries at her.

“It’s good to see you out.” Emily flashed a hesitant smile and embraced Elizabeth lightly before helping Cameron into his booster seat. “How…how are you? Since, um…”

“Since you dropped me off yesterday,” Elizabeth said. She unwrapped the bundle of utensils from its napkin so that her hands would have something to do. “I’m okay. Um, better than I thought I’d be, to be honest.”

“Good. Good. I’m glad to hear that. I, uh…” Emily picked up her iced tea, sipped it. “I haven’t known what to say to you. I mean, I feel like I knew on Friday. I had my head together, and I had one goal—to protect you. Keep the idiots away.”

“I know. And I appreciate that.” Elizabeth squeezed Emily’s hand. “I don’t know if I could have gotten through it without you.”

“I think I thought people were just…upset. I mean, it was fresh. With some time and space everyone would just…stop being stupid. They would just stop saying things, and Lucky would wake up yesterday and realize how insane he sounded…” Emily shook her head, her dark eyes worried. “But that didn’t happen. And I don’t know how to fix any of this.”

“There’s nothing for you to fix,” Elizabeth said gently. She handed Cameron a toy to occupy them as they waited for a waitress. “This is my problem—”

“Yeah, but I should be able to do something—”

“Emily—”

“And I think some of this has to be my fault. Like, is it because I said all that terrible stuff about Jason and you? Is that why Lucky is like this? Why was he saying all of those things—”

“I think,” Elizabeth said slowly, “there are a few reasons why Lucky…why he said those things. You told me that no one ever believed Jason and I hadn’t been together that Christmas. That Lucky thought I was lying.”

“Yeah, I mean—” Emily squinted. “Wait. Wait.” She shook her head. “You…you really weren’t together? I mean, I just—I know what you guys said, but I saw the way you looked at each other, and talked about each other—”

“Emily, I would have told you.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Oh, God, is that why you and Nikolas were so annoying that spring Jason was in town? Because you thought—” She shook her head. “It explains why Lucky was so…angry then. He thought I was lying about my first—” She chewed her on her bottom lip. “Emily, Jason and I—it’s never been like that. We’ve never—I mean—God, this is so stupid—”

“You don’t have to explain yourself—”

“No, I don’t, but when I don’t, people just make up their own versions,” Elizabeth muttered. She shredded the napkin into pieces. “Look, yes, maybe what happened with you and Jason—I don’t know—it was part of it. Because I felt bad for you and for him, so I decided to talk to him about it, and he was….” She sighed. “Obsessed with making sure I knew he hadn’t been with Courtney back then.”

“I’m sorry—”

“But it’s not your fault, because that should have taken exactly one conversation. It’s just—Jason and I were already talking about things we shouldn’t be. I had already asked him for help with Manny. Lucky and I were having other issues—” Elizabeth hesitated. “I’m not having an affair with your brother, Emily. Not…like that.”

Emily looked away for a long moment, then looked back at her. “There are a lot of ways to have an affair, Elizabeth. And sleeping together is just one of them.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together, then reluctantly nodded. Because pretending had created this problem in the first place. “ Yeah. Yeah, I know. Jason and I crossed a line. One we never would have if we’d—if other things were okay. Sam’s dealing with some stuff—clearly. And I told you—Lucky and I are not…we’re—Jason and I just…got…distracted talking about what happened. A-and…” Nervous, she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “We said things we shouldn’t have.”

It’s not past tense for me.

“You know, Lucky and I have been friends almost since the day I moved here,” Emily said softly. “But I love you, and you can trust me.”

“There’s…nothing to say. I’m married. And I made vows. I have—need—to make sure I do right by them. Lucky’s been through a lot. Luke said—and I agreed—that me leaving him right now would only make things worse.”

Emily’s brow furrowed. “I don’t understand. Do you…want to stay with Lucky? Because if you don’t, I’d understand. The people who matter would understand—” She shook her head. “You’re feeling guilty about whatever happened with Jason. Don’t let that push you into doing things you don’t want to—”

“I—” Elizabeth blinked. She hadn’t expected that. “Emily—”

“You blame yourself for Lucky’s injuries, but Manny’s the one to blame. And I know Lucky has been a jerk to you lately. I wasn’t that distracted by Sonny that I didn’t see it, you know? Don’t let Luke talk you into saving Lucky. Not again—”

“It’s not—”

“I think my brother is in love with you,” Emily said bluntly. “I watched him while you were missing, after you were safe—I’ve seen him a few times since—and I’m pretty sure that you’d just have to crook your finger—”

“Emily—” She really didn’t need this.

“If you’re staying with Lucky because you feel sorry for what happened to him, because you pity him, or maybe you still think you owe him for what happened after you were…hurt, then you’re not doing anyone any favors. Stay with Lucky because you love him. Because you still see a future together—”

“I can’t be the reason he falls apart. He’s lost his career, Emily. For months, he’s had one goal—get back to active duty. And now he can’t have that. How do I walk away from him when he’s this low?” Elizabeth shook her head. “Even after everything—”

She took a deep breath. “For better or for worse. This is worse. Marriage means something to me. Marriage to Lucky was all I ever wanted—” She closed her eyes. “I can’t stop. Why can’t I stop lying—”

Emily frowned. “Elizabeth—”

“Even now, I can hear myself saying all the same things I’ve always said. Marriage is what I wanted. A future with Lucky is what I wanted.” She met her friend’s eyes. “I don’t want them anymore.”

“Then what do you want? Why are you staying?”

“I just want—” Elizabeth sighed. “I don’t know. I wish I did. I just know—I know that leaving now would be a mistake. Luke is right. Lucky has lost everything. What happens if I leave—”

“Why is that your problem?” Emily demanded.

“Because of what we meant to each other. Because he never would have given up on me—”

“Yeah, he would have. The boy might not have, Elizabeth, but this man? He’s already given up on you. And your life together.” Emily pressed her lips together. “Are you afraid of what would happen if you left?”

Elizabeth frowned. “What—what do you mean?”

“I mean, the way everyone would look at you. The way the papers talk about you—or maybe it’s not that complicated. You’d rather stay with a man who makes you miserable than make the slightest attempt to be happy with someone else.”

“Emily—” Her voice broke. “It’s—” She looked away. She busied herself wiping up Cameron’s face as he dissected the burger they’d ordered for him. He was covered in ketchup. He grinned at her, and she managed a laugh at the smears on his face.

“Sonny was a mistake,” Emily said softly. Elizabeth looked over at her. “You were right, of course. And so was Jason. I handled it badly. I was so sure you would support me, so sure that Jason would stand with me—but I never gave either of you a chance. I think I knew it was doomed. I think I saw it from the start. But I had to make the mistake. I had to find out for sure.”

“Em—”

“So you need to make this mistake. You need to see that what you’re fighting so hard for isn’t worth winning. I just—I don’t know why you can’t fight as hard for Jason.”

It wasn’t a terrible question. She knew Jason cared about her—he might even think he was in love with her but—

“Right now, he feels guilty. He feels guilty about hurting me four years ago. About hurting Sam. About what happened to Manny.” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “When the smoke settles, we’ll just have the same fights over again. He won’t trust me to take the risks I need to take to be in his life. And I’ll just get angry all over again and leave. Because…”

She hesitated. “Because I don’t trust that he loves me. And he’s never given me a reason to believe he does. He never gave me the words, but I should have been able to feel it. And I didn’t.”

“Elizabeth—”

“It’s simple to say we failed because of what happened with Sonny. Or because of what happened with Zander. Those things are easy to blame. But the truth is, he didn’t love me enough to take the risk. Or trust me enough to know that I understood the risk.” She looked down, started to cut her salad into small pieces, avoiding Emily’s gaze. “So no, Emily. I don’t fight as hard for Jason. Because he never loved me. And I don’t believe he does now.”

“And you think Lucky does?”

“I think…” Elizabeth pursed her lips. “I think he needs me.”

“Well, what I think is this—all of that crap you just said about Jason is just that—bullshit. I think you are very good at rationalizing and explaining the simple fact that you’re afraid.” Emily shook her head. “Look at me, Elizabeth. Look me in the eyes and tell me again that you don’t think my brother is in love with you.”

“I—” Elizabeth drew in a sharp breath. She made eye contact. “Emily—”

“You’re afraid to reach out because my brother hasn’t always been the best at reaching back. But don’t tell me he doesn’t love you. You know what the problem is, Elizabeth?”

“Emily—”

“You think love is measured by the people who stay.”

Elizabeth’s chest suddenly tightened, and she gulped down a sob. “Emily—”

“And, sure, Lucky needs you right now. He’s always needed you. He needed you to get him through what happened with his family back in the beginning. He needed you to get through the brainwashing. To get through the injuries. He needed you, Elizabeth. And some of the time, he loved you.”

Elizabeth looked down at her plate. Closed her eyes. “But not now.”

“No. Not now. He needs you, Elizabeth. But he’s not staying because he wants to.”

“He’s staying because he has nowhere to go,” Elizabeth murmured. She looked at Emily. “Yeah, I know—”

“I thought Zander needed me. I thought that was why I should stay with him even when I didn’t love him anymore. I thought what he needed was more important. I just made myself—and him—miserable.” Emily sat back in her chair. “Don’t you think you deserve better?”

“I think…” Elizabeth sighed.

“Mommy? You crying?” Cameron furrowed his brow. “I hug you?”

“I’m okay, sweetie,” Elizabeth told him. “Finish your food, and we’ll go play in the park, okay?”

“Okay.”

“I don’t want to upset you, Elizabeth. I’m sorry—”

“You’re not wrong, Emily. About any of it. Maybe—” Elizabeth sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what I want. I know that I’m not being fair to anyone. To me, to Lucky…”

“To Jason?” Emily continued. Elizabeth just sighed again. “Does he know you’re staying?”

If you ask me, I’ll tell you.

I won’t ask you tonight…

Elizabeth sighed. “No.”

“Are you still staying?”

Elizabeth waited a long moment, tried to gather her thoughts. Her confidence had been shaken by Bobbie, by Emily—by all of it. But at the end of the day—

“Yes. For now.”

“You should talk to him—” Emily bit her lip. “I love you. And I want you to be happy. But I also love my brother, and I don’t want him hurt either.”

“I know. I don’t want to hurt him either. I’m going to talk to him.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I’m staying to give Lucky a chance to get himself together—and maybe—I don’t know. If he goes to counseling, if he gets himself under control—I don’t know, maybe we have a chance. I know you think it’s not worth the trouble. You’re not wrong, Emily.”

“Then why—”

“Because if there’s the smallest chance that me staying right now means a part of that boy can come back to us, Emily—” Elizabeth sighed. “I have to take that chance. For everything we were to one another—I owe this to him.”

“I don’t agree, but I guess I can understand why you’d think that.”

“But that still means that I need to—I need things to go back to the way they were. Jason and I can’t be friends.”

Emily pursed her lips and sighed. “No, I guess not, but—”

“We’ll just drift right back towards one another. Just like we always do. And I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to hurt him, Emily. And I don’t even know if he’s still engaged to Sam. All of this might not mean anything—he might even agree with me that it’s better if nothing changes.”

“Well, then you’re both stupid,” Emily said. “This isn’t love. What you’re describing, what you’re going back to—that’s not love.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes, pained. “Well, it’s the only kind I know.”

“If it hurts this much,” Emily said, pausing until Elizabeth looked at her, “then why do you want it so badly?”

“I—” Elizabeth pressed her lips together. “I don’t know.”

“Your parents left you. Sarah and Steven left you. God, even Nikolas and I have left you. Lucky’s left you.” Emily reached across the table to squeeze Elizabeth’s hand. “Jason’s left. I get it, you know. You deserve better from all of us. Love shouldn’t be measured by the people who stay.”

“That’s not what I’m doing—” Elizabeth protested, but the words died on her lips because, of course, it was.

“No one stays forever, Elizabeth. That’s just life. Lucky has nowhere else to go. If he had options, would he be staying?” Emily asked her pointedly. When Elizabeth remained silently, she shrugged. “You have options. You don’t have to do this.”

“I do,” Elizabeth said with a quick shake of her head. “I do, but I—I get it. And thank you.” She wiped her eyes again. “Can we just talk about something else? Anything else?”

Warehouse: Jason’s Office

“You know, I swore the day the ink was dry on my divorce papers that I would never set foot in this building again.”

Jason looked up from his paperwork and scowled at the sight of Carly in his doorway. “Uh. Hey. Did—Did I miss something?”

“Like ten calls, so yeah.” Carly shrugged and sat down. She wrinkled her nose as she took in the rickety desk, uncomfortable chair, and lumpy sofa. “Jase, do you know how much money you have?”

“Yes.”

“Then why—”

“You redecorated Sonny’s office, and people always go in there. I don’t like people.”

Carly considered this, then nodded. “Fair enough. Listen, I think I’ve been a very nice human being for the last seventy-two hours. By my measures, I’m eligible for sainthood.”

Jason set his pencil down and frowned at her. “Since when?”

“Since I watched Elizabeth Webber’s kid almost every day since Thursday. I even took the kid to the amusement park yesterday. I didn’t ask any questions about why Cameron couldn’t go to daycare or why I had to cancel my day at work on Friday to take care of him. I did a nice thing, Jason.”

“Don’t worry, I’m sure it’ll pass.”

“Hey.” Carly leaned forward, slapped her hand on the papers Jason was pretending to read. “Buddy. I’m not saying you have to answer my questions. I just think I’ve earned the right to ask them.”

Jason nearly said no, but then looked up at his friend. “Thank you for helping Elizabeth out. It made her feel better knowing her son was safe, and more than that, he was happy. I appreciated it, but you did her the favor. I know that hurts—” Carly grimaced, but he continued, “but sometimes you’re not terrible.” He picked up the pencil again and return to his work.

“I already knew all of that, Ace. I’m still asking the questions.” Carly leaned back against the back of the wooden chair. “Are you having an affair with Elizabeth Webber?”

“Pass.”

She pursed her lips. “Did Sam really go after her in the hospital?”

“Pass.”

“Did they mud wrestle—”

“What?” Jason scowled, slapping the pencil down. “What the hell—”

“Hey, I do not control the gossip. I just enjoy it.” Carly held up her hands in mock surrender. “Are you still engaged to Sam?”

Jason hesitated at that—because that was information that shouldn’t be public yet. “Why are you asking me that?”

“Well, generally, once people start gossiping about an affair, the status of the existing relationships are fair game, too—but honestly? Max told Milo, who told me that Sam checked into Jake’s. He saw her last night with her stuff when he was getting a drink.”

Jason sighed. “No, we are not still engaged.” He eyed her. “And okay, yeah, it’s a little bit because of what happened in the hospital. But there are other issues that are none of your business.”

“Hey, if you’re finally drop kicking Sonny’s mattress buddy—” Carly shook her head. “Best news I’ve had all day. I’m actually almost happy enough that I might not mind that Elizabeth Webber is hanging around again—”

He was going to get a headache if she kept this up. “Carly, was there anything else?”

“Yeah, do you think Sonny and Emily are still a thing? Because we were all pissed about that for a hot minute, and, like…” Carly shrugged. “I guess we’re all good now?”

“You’d have to ask Sonny—”

“I’d rather set myself on fire.” Carly got to her feet. “So if you’re not going to give me any details about why Port Charles is obsessed with your sex life, then I guess I’ll go—”

“Oh, no. Please. Don’t.” Sonny stood in the doorway. “Don’t go on my account,” he continued in a wry, sarcastic tone.

“Haha. You deflowering any other children, or are you still busy with the last infant?” Carly demanded darkly.

“Carly,” Jason said flatly.

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Sonny said, then he looked at Jason, “Or yours, but no, Emily and I are not seeing each other anymore. It turns out we don’t have a lot in common.”

“Ha!” Carly barked, her eyes positively lit with glee. “This is literally the best day of my life! Skanky McCall has been booted to the curb, you’ve stopped shopping in the children’s aisle, and you look miserable about it which just—” She kissed her fingertips. “Just puts the cherry on the top.”

“How did I stay married to you for so long?” Sonny demanded.

“No prenup,” Carly offered as she picked up her bag. “And I’m gonna go enjoy the fruits of my labor.” She jabbed a finger at Jason. “Don’t go making any other mistakes, Jason. I like the kid, but I am not about having the mother be a part of my life.”

And with that, Carly left as quickly as she’d arrived, her perfume lingering in her wake. Sonny scowled, looking at Jason. “What’s that last part about?”

“She’s been baby-sitting Cameron these last few days.” Jason sighed and looked back at the paperwork.

“And probably wanted to know if all the gossip was true.” Sonny nodded. “It’s almost comforting sometimes. She’ll never change, and it makes her predictable.” He paused. “Uh, so about Elizabeth—”

“Damn it,” Jason muttered as his pencil tip snapped. He glared at Sonny. “You’re not seriously in here to ask me about my love life, are you?”

“Well,” Sonny said as he sat in the chair Carly had vacated. “I did offer some information about mine.” He hesitated. “But I’m asking because…well, she’s married to a cop. You can imagine it’s…not just idiots at the hospital gossiping. This is the kind of crap that travels in our circles as well.”

Jason grimaced. “I’m not talking to you about it, either.”

“Carly said something about Sam—”

“Sonny—” Jason closed his eyes in frustration. “I’m really not interested in having this conversation—” His phone rang, and man, he was hoping someone needed to be punched.

Jason would like to beat the shit out of someone right now.

But the caller identification screen told him it was Elizabeth, and he stared at her name for a long moment, unsure if he believed what he was seeing. He’d wanted to go to her after that scene with Sam—but he’d remembered how much worse he’d made things by not listening to Elizabeth. So he’d stayed away.

But she was calling him.

“Jase?” Sonny prompted.

Jason finally flipped open the phone and pressed it to his ear. “Hey.”

“Hey. Um, I’m sorry if I called at a bad time—” Just the sound of her voice soothed some of the rough edges of his mood.

“No, no, it’s fine. What’s up?”

“Can—can we talk? Can you come over? I mean, whenever is good for you—”

“Yeah. I’ll be right over.”

“Oh. Oh, really? Okay. Thanks. I’ll—I’ll see you.”

Jason closed the phone and stared at it for a long moment. What could she want to talk about? Did she want to talk about what had happened with Sam? Or the night before? Was she staying with Lucky—

“Is Elizabeth okay?”

Jason blinked, then looked at his partner, who he realized he’d forgotten was in the room at all. “How did—”

“Your voice changes when you talk to her. I always know when you’re talking to her. Or about her.” Sonny tilted his head to the side. “Jase, she’s been through a lot.”

“I know—”

“So whatever she needs, just make sure she gets it. But take care of yourself for a change.” Sonny stood. He slid his hands in his pockets. “I never should have asked you to go to the church.”

Jason shook his head, confused. “Sonny?”

“The wedding,” Sonny clarified. “To Brenda. I should have taken that on myself. It wasn’t fair to you. I’m not going to ask you to clean up any of my messes anymore. I mean, I’m going to try not to. Habits are hard to break.”

“If you’d gone to the church and told her in person, you never would have gone,” Jason said, his voice a bit rough. “You knew that.”

“Yeah. Or maybe I was just a coward. I broke her into little pieces, Jason, by sending you. I humiliated her.” Sonny’s eyes were dark when they met Jason’s. “I have a lot of regrets about Brenda. I should have found a way to stay with her. She was the one, you know.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“I’m just—I don’t know what I’m saying. I guess—I don’t know what’s going on with Elizabeth and you. I never do. You keep all of that pretty close to the chest. But just…don’t walk away today without saying whatever needs to be said. Because the words you don’t say, they’re the ones that haunt you.”

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Living Room

Elizabeth must have paced the length of her small living room a thousand times before Jason knocked on her door. Her heart pounding, her pulse racing, Elizabeth stared at the door before swallowing hard and reaching for the doorknob.

This was fair. This was right. And they both needed to clear the air.

But just the sight of Jason and his kind, concerned eyes made her hesitate. Was she really—really—closing the door on even a friendship with him so that she could stay in a marriage with a man that had abused her?

Oh, God, what the hell was she doing? This was a mistake. She should have avoided Jason like the plague. She could have written him a letter.

“Hey, are you okay?” Jason stepped forward, lifted his hand as if to touch her face. But he stopped just short, his hand falling away. Pressure built behind her eyes because God, she wanted to feel his hands on her—

Oh, damn Luke Spencer to hell. If he’d never walked through her door, reminding her of that boy—that perfect boy—who deserved so much better the man he’d grown up to be.

“Elizabeth?”

“Come in,” Elizabeth said, finally stepping back from the door so he could cross over the threshold. “Sorry, my mind—I’m going in a thousand directions right now.”

“It’s okay.” He waited until she closed the door. “Are you—is this about what happened with Sam yesterday?”

“You—” Her mouth was dry. “You know about that? I didn’t think anyone would actually tell you—Did Sam—”

“She didn’t have to.” Jason sighed. “I’m sorry. Epiphany came to tell me. She was worried about you. I would have called or checked on you, but—but I didn’t…” He looked at her, and she felt his next words down to the tips of her toes. “I didn’t want to be selfish. I haven’t listened to you when you told me what you needed.”

If only she knew what she needed.

“It’s okay. I’m okay. I mean, it was an ugly scene, but it’s over. And—we deserved it. I mean, I deserved it—I just—I didn’t expect it.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I told you this was a mess…” She turned away from him, starting to pace again. “I told you we were going to hurt people—”

“How? We didn’t do anything—”

Elizabeth turned to look at him as the first tear slid down her cheek. “Didn’t we? God, Jason, are you really going to stand there and tell me you didn’t know what we were doing was wrong? And we kissed. Twice—”

“The first time—that’s my fault—”

“It was not. I kissed you. Both times.” Elizabeth glared at him. “Don’t you dare try to protect me from this. I did that. I just—you always stopped it before. And this time I didn’t—” She dragged her hands through her hair. “This isn’t what I wanted to do.”

“Sam and I broke up.”

He delivered that news in a matter of a fact tone that had Elizabeth dropping her hands to her side and just staring at him. Oh man, she’d been counting on him stepping back. Wanting to go back to the status quo. Why didn’t anyone ever do what they were supposed to? “W-What?”

“We weren’t happy even before all this happened. We were fighting over things that had nothing to do with you—but I—” Jason hesitated. “You’re right. We hurt people. And Sam didn’t deserve it. So we broke up.”

“Oh, man.” She bit her lip. “Jason—”

“And no, I didn’t know what we were doing was wrong. Not then.” Jason stepped towards her, and she knew she should step away, but she didn’t want to. Because he was looking at her with that look and she just wanted to hold on to it forever. She loved the way his eyes were soft like this— “Because it felt right. Didn’t it?”

She should say no. She should deny it. But she’d spent too many years pretending. “Yes. Except when it hurt.”

He frowned at that, shook his head. “Elizabeth—”

“Because it’s so silly now. It feels so silly and terrible to talk about what we felt back then—” She forced out the words. “Because if I had just…said something back then, or if you’d just said something—it would be different now. And it hurts that we both walked away knowing—”

“Elizabeth—”

“But we did. And we can’t keep standing here like the last four years didn’t happen—” She took a deep breath. “I’m married.”

His body stilled, the muscle in his jaw clenched, and Elizabeth knew he’d taken her meaning. “You’re staying.”

“I am.”

“After—” He swallowed hard. “After everything that happened.”

“Yes.” Her hands fluttered in front of her—she didn’t know what to do with them. “Um, I know it looks—it looked bad. And it was bad. We had awful fights. And he said terrible things.” Did terrible things. “B-but if I leave him now when he’s already lost his job, how do I live with myself?”

Jason frowned, shook his head slightly as if he didn’t understand her. “Elizabeth—”

“Things are bad enough, you know? But it gets worse if I leave. I just—I promised, Jason. I meant my vows. For better or for worse.”

He exhaled slowly, took a small step back. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Her lip trembled, so she bit hard to stop it. “I just—I thought you should know.”

“Because—”

“Because we crossed a line a-and I just—I’m not staying on that side of the line. I’m going back to the other side. Because—because it’s right. It’s the right thing to do. A-and you know, you and Sam can still—”

“That’s not going to happen.” Jason looked at her for a long time, and she finally broke eye contact, looking away. “You forgot something.”

“I—” Elizabeth frowned. “I did?”

“You forgot to tell me that you love Lucky.”

Her heart simply stopped as she looked at him, at those dark, angry eyes she’d so rarely seen directed at her. “I—”

“Isn’t that how this usually goes?” Jason asked, and she was stunned to hear a thread of bitterness in his words. “You and I have a moment. We almost go forward, and you stop it. You tell me you love Lucky, and I go away.”

“Jason—”

He shook his head. “Never mind—”

“Jason—” Elizabeth started forward, grabbed his arm as he started to turn towards the door. “It’s not like that—”

“No?” Jason raised his brows. “How is it different?” he bit out.

“Because—” She licked her lips. God, she should just leave it at that. She should just let him walk out the door. This was a clean break, and he’d go away angry. He’d stay away.

But she couldn’t. She couldn’t stand it. Because it wasn’t like before, and he didn’t deserve to believe a lie. “Because I didn’t say it.”

“Didn’t—” And then he got it. He turned back towards her fully. “Elizabeth.”

“I didn’t say it. And I didn’t forget. This isn’t like before, Jason. It’s not. Because back then, I was still in denial. I still told myself every day that you were just my friend, and that Lucky was my forever. I couldn’t see a future that was different. And I thought if I said it enough, it would be true.”

She lifted her chin. “But it wasn’t true. And maybe it hasn’t been true for a long time. I just—I can’t let you think that I’m not—that I don’t understand what I’m doing.”

“Then why are you doing it?” he demanded. “If it’s not true—”

“Because I have to. Because I have to know if—” Her voice faltered. “Because it’s the right thing to do—”

“Damn the right thing—” Jason bit out the words as he slashed his hand through the air. “Stop worrying about the right thing to do! What do you want—” He curled his hand into a fist. “I am done arguing with you about Lucky Spencer. I’ve learned my lesson—”

“Jason—don’t go like this—”

“What did you expect?” Jason growled. “That I would be happy about you staying with someone you don’t love because you made a promise a lifetime ago to a boy that doesn’t exist anymore?”

“I—” Elizabeth pressed her hands to her face. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I can’t seem to make anyone happy. I can’t do anything right. I’m sorry—”

“No—don’t—” She heard him sigh as he stepped back towards her. When he spoke again, his voice was soft, quiet. “Don’t be sorry. I don’t want you sorry.”

She opened her eyes at those familiar words. Her resolve nearly crumbled. How did they always seem to find themselves back here? “Jason—”

“I just—” He took her face in his, covering her hands with his own, tilting her head back, so their eyes met again. “I just—”

“If you ask me, I’ll answer you,” Elizabeth said, her voice raw. “Ask me.”

He closed his eyes as if in pain, then slowly shook his head. He leaned down, rested her forehead against hers. “If I have to ask, then you’re not ready to offer it. And I—” He pressed his lips to hers, and she kissed him greedily, hungrily, sliding her fingers in his hair, drawing him tightly to her.

She just wanted one more memory, one more taste—

Jason gently pushed her back after a long moment, but not far. He kissed her eyelids gently, then slowly released her face, stepping away from her. “I don’t want you sorry,” Jason told her. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Jason—”

“Will this make you happy?”

She didn’t know what had changed in the last few minutes—she had nearly given up. Had nearly given in.

But now, now she knew she was making the right choice for her. It would be easy to give in to him, to offer the words that would be true for both of them. She saw that now—she didn’t know how she ever could have denied the way he felt. The way she felt.

It didn’t change anything. It didn’t change the fact that she had to stay for now. That she had to try one more time to save the boy who’d never let her give in to the demons. She needed to know for sure if he was gone. And if she left now, if she abandoned him when he might need her the most—she’d never be able to forgive herself.

She didn’t need one more regret on her conscience. And she already knew she could live with the regret of not having Jason.

She’d been doing it for years.

She opened her eyes to look at him. ““I don’t know. But I have to do it.”

“Okay.” He exhaled slowly. “Okay.” He fisted his hands at his side. “And you need me to stay away. To actually do it this time.”

“Y-Yes.” She folded her arms tightly, her chest aching. “I don’t want it, but it has to be—”

“Okay,” Jason said again. “But if you need me…” He hesitated, shook his head as if it irritated with himself. “If you need me.”

“I know how to find you.”

“I’ll—” Jason looked at her for a long moment. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you later.”

Then he left, and Elizabeth locked the door behind him.

You walked away and you left me numb
Rock bottom hit the floor
But I’d rather feel the pain
Than nothing at all
So if misery likes company
Then why am I alone?
It’s cold outside this double bed
Inside a single room
So never let them see you cry
– Never Let Them See You Cry, Billie Myers

---

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Jason felt a hand snag at his elbow as he pulled open the door to the diner the next morning. Already irritated and in a crappy mood, he turned but swallowed whatever he’d been about to say when he found Robin Scorpio’s pretty brown eyes staring back at him.

“Oh, wow, it’s been a while since that look’s been aimed at me.” She smirked, then folded her arms. “I was hoping I’d run into you eventually.”

“Why?” Jason let the door fall shut, turning to face her fully.

“Walk with me. I want to talk to you.”

Knowing it was easier to agree, Jason let his ex-girlfriend wind her arm through his and steer him away from Kelly’s, towards the docks. “Robin—”

“I was hoping you might tell me why the whole world is convinced you’re having an affair with Elizabeth Spencer,” Robin said as they approached Elm Street Pier. “No, don’t scowl at me—this isn’t me asking you for gossip.”

“That’s what it sounds like,” he said dryly. He waited for Robin to sit on the bench, then sat next to her. “Why do you care?”

“Well, because I like Elizabeth. I always did, but we weren’t close before I moved away. Since I came back to work at GH, she’s become a friend. And Patrick absolutely adores her.” At the flash in Jason’s eyes, Robin shook her head. “Not like that. He’s never had a female friend before, and I think he’s kind of adopted her like a little sister. He’s worried about her. And…” She hesitated. “I am, too. For reasons I can’t talk about. Doctor patient stuff.”

“Patient,” Jason repeated, frowning. “When—” But he knew how seriously Robin took this kind of thing, so he didn’t argue. “You know as much as I do,” he said finally. “Lucky said things, and it went from here.”

“That doesn’t explain why people seem to just…” Robin pursed her lips. “How do I explain this? They just seemed to have expected it. But it was, like, out of left field for me, you know? I didn’t even realize you knew Elizabeth. And now…” She shrugged. “I guess I just…I was worried. About you both. And yeah, a little curious.”

Jason exhaled slowly and looked out over the lake towards Spoon Island. He didn’t know why he answered her, but Robin always had a way of looking at him. “We became friends after you left for Paris. The last time. Lucky had…we thought he was dead in that fire. And I’d…”

“Lost Michael,” Robin finished, a pained expression crossing her features. “Yeah. Okay—”

“I…It’s complicated, Robin.”

“It usually is.”

“I mean…” Jason shook his head. “We’ve been friends for a long time.”

“I just want to help her, Jason. I don’t want to hurt her.” She put a hand on his arm. “Are you okay? You look tired.”

“I’m fine. I just need to go get my coffee and get back to work—”

“We used to be able to talk,” Robin said softly as Jason got up and started for the stairs. “I’m not sure when that stopped. Long before we broke up, I know that. We stopped talking. And then we stopped liking each other. And somewhere between those two events, we stopped loving each other.”

He turned back to look at her, at the girl who was not only his first memory but some of the best memories he’d made in his short life. Robin had been his touchstone, the one person he’d trusted. Until he’d broken that trust, and then she’d broken it back.

“I did everything wrong back then,” Jason said finally. “I didn’t really see it. I don’t know when it happened—when we stopped being good for each other. I didn’t know who I was if I didn’t love you.”

“I know. And I didn’t see a future without you. You gave mine back to me, so I didn’t want to give up on us.” She got to her feet. “But I hurt you, too. And I hurt myself. I never should have stayed as long as I did. I let myself live a lie with you and Michael, but I hated myself every day. And I started to hate you, too.”

“I wasn’t fair to you. I asked you for things I had no right to—”

“I could have said no. I should have,” Robin added. “But you know, we do stupid things. Because the misery we know is more comfortable than something new.” She tilted her head. “I was surprised you never…that you never got together with Carly. I really thought—”

“I thought I was in love with her,” Jason admitted. “I wasn’t. If I had been, I never—” He bit off the words abruptly, irritated with himself for falling into old habits.

“It’s just you and me here, Jason. It doesn’t hurt me to talk about Carly,” she told him. “Not anymore.” She stepped towards him. “If you had been in love with Carly, what wouldn’t have happened?”

“Elizabeth,” Jason said quietly. He met Robin’s eyes. “People at GH have long memories. You know that. And they probably remember the Christmas party the year you left. Nikolas Cassadine and I got into a fight, and he told the entire world we were sleeping together. We weren’t—but—”

“But people believe what they want.” Robin’s smile was a bit sad. “But I guess it didn’t work out.”

“No. It didn’t. And it won’t. She’s…staying with Lucky. Even after everything…” He shook his head.

“She’s staying—” Robin pressed her lips together, her nostrils flaring slightly. “I didn’t—I didn’t think she would. I, ah, that’s…” She took a deep breath. “Well, that’s a mistake.”

“She’s never going to walk away from him,” Jason muttered.

“Don’t say never. I guess that answers my question about whether there’s any truth to the rumors.”

“No—” Jason shook his head. “Not the way they think. But—” He pressed his lips together.

“The misery we know,” Robin repeated, “is usually the choice we make. Because you know what to expect. It’s terrifying to go into the unknown, to reach for something new. If it doesn’t work out, you can’t go back to what was before. That’s why you and I stayed together long after we were any good for each other. We were comfortable. Don’t be too hard on Elizabeth, Jason. She’s doing the best she can.”

“I know.” He cleared his throat. “Check in on her, will you? She could use a friend who isn’t close to Lucky, too. Emily does her best—”

“But her loyalties might be divided. Don’t worry, Jase. Patrick and I have her back. And I…” She sighed. “I don’t think it will last. Honestly, I hope it doesn’t.” He looked at her sharply—wondering what she knew. “But maybe she needs to find out for herself.” She offered him a smile. “Thanks. For actually talking to me. I missed it. We used to be friends.”

“Yeah, we did.” He kissed her cheek. “Take care of yourself, Robin. I’ll see you around.”

Jake’s: Upstairs Hallway

Sonny rapped his fist against one of the rickety doors and waited until footsteps inside shuffled towards him. Then the door opened, and Sam McCall glowered at him. “What do you want?”

“I wanted to check on you.”

“Good news travels fast, I guess,” Sam muttered. She didn’t open the door a single extra inch, not having any intention of letting him inside the room. “I’m alive. What do you want?” she repeated.

“Jason told me the two of you broke up,” Sonny said as Sam’s eyes narrowed. “Does that surprise you?”

“No. I’m sure he ran right over to his precious Elizabeth, and they’re basking in their freedom to be together now that Lucky’s out of commission and I’ve been run off.” Sam folded her arms. “Unless you’re here to make my day and tell me Jason got rejected again by her.”

“That’s…more hostility than I was expecting,” Sonny admitted. “But I guess it’s deserved. I’m pretty sure Elizabeth is sticking with her marriage. Some people mean their vows, I guess.”

“Yeah, well, you never have, so I guess that would surprise you. Good. Now Jason can go find some other damsel in distress to rescue so he can just repeat this insanity with Elizabeth in, like, two years. Isn’t that how this works? He settles for as long as he can stand it, she crooks her finger when something goes wrong for her—”

“I think you’re hurt,” Sonny said gently. “And Jason didn’t handle any of this right—”

“Oh, you’re on his side now? After all the crap you two said two each other five minutes ago? Good God, you’re both insane. I’m actually relieved to be done with you and everyone else who’s part of your sick, twisted life.”

“A lot of the things Jason and I said to each other were true, even if they were cruel and delivered in anger. Sam, I just—I know I didn’t treat you well. Even if I was just a mark to you—”

Sam’s eyes changed, darkened somehow as she slid her finger down his silk dress shirt. “I bet I could have you wrapped around my finger in no time. Make you remember how it was between us—”

“You probably could,” Sonny admitted, as he caught her finger in his hand. “But neither one of us wants that, do we? If you need any money—”

Sam scowled, jerked her hand back as if it were scalding hot. “Didn’t Jason tell you? We were fighting because I wanted to get back into the game. He thinks I’m trash now, just like he used to. Imagine a criminal like Jason Morgan looking down his nose at a con artist like me and thinking he’s better.”

“I didn’t realize—”

“At least now with Jason gone, I don’t have to pretend to play the small games. I can go right for the big ticket. I don’t need you or Jason. I never did.”

“Sam—”

“So stop pretending like you give a damn.” She stepped back and slammed the door.

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Robin was the first person Elizabeth saw when she started her shift that morning, and the bright sunny smile from the doctor gave Elizabeth the lift she needed.

She’d put off returning to work as long as she could—Epiphany had offered the rest of the week, but Elizabeth wanted to get back to work. Back to her life. She was supposed to talk to Lucky later that day, to sort out exactly how things would work now that…well, now that she’d decided to stay.

Elizabeth didn’t even realize part of her had been hoping that Lucky would refuse to stay until Luke told her how ashamed and sorry Lucky was. Not that it would have changed anything—Elizabeth had already walked away from Jason, and the last twenty-four hours since he’d left the apartment had been terrible.

“Hey.” Robin flashed her another smile. “Welcome back.”

“Glad to be back.” Elizabeth ignored the student nurses who had giggled when they saw her and pointed. Robin had leveled a glare in their direction, but the nurses had just laughed again and walked away.

It would eventually stop. There was always another scandal at the hospital, and Elizabeth was desperately counting on something happening quickly. When she noticed Robin looking at her again, Elizabeth sighed. “What?”

“Nothing, nothing. I guess—” Robin pursed her lips. “I saw Jason before I came to work this morning.”

Elizabeth’s fingers stilled, frozen in air above the keyboard of the computer. “You did.”

“Yeah, I wanted to talk to him about—well, to be honest, about the rumors and just—get his side of things. Shameless, I know, but I just—I wanted to make sure I knew what I needed to know to be a good friend. We’re not…I mean, we’re new friends, but—” Robin sighed. “It doesn’t matter. He told me that you’re not leaving Lucky.”

Elizabeth’s throat clenched, and she looked back at the monitor even though the words and images were little more than a blur. “Did you tell him?”

“About the bruises? No. But I have the photos.” Robin touched her shoulder. “I didn’t ask questions. I’m not asking them now. To be honest, after what happened this weekend, I’m pretty sure I don’t have to.”

“You—”

“I would never tell anyone. But I just—I’m not very good at letting things go. Not when I think I can help.”

Elizabeth shook her head. “You can’t—”

“Jason, by the way, looked like he’d been hit by a truck.” Robin hesitated. “And you don’t look much better. So I guess…I don’t know. It’s not my business—”

“It’s really not—”

“But I’m going to butt in any way because if something happened and I didn’t at least say something—I’d never forgive myself. Which is selfish, I know, but I’m known for that.”

Robin paused, but Elizabeth said nothing. “If you’re staying because you think he’ll change, because you think he’s sorry, and it’ll be different, you’re wrong. You know that. You took the same training I did. They’re always sorry. But it’s always your fault because you made them mad.”

“Robin—”

“You’re going to make him mad again. That’s just life. Your son is probably going to make him mad. Can you tell me you’re not wondering if he’ll do it again?”

“I—” Elizabeth shook her head. “No. But maybe that’s why I’m staying. Because if I leave now, I’ll always wonder if maybe he would have changed. If he doesn’t…” Her chest tightened. “At least I’ll know. And no one will be able to tell me I didn’t try—”

“Why do they matter?” Robin asked softly. “And you already know you’ve tried. I’ve seen you try. He didn’t do it once, Elizabeth. How many times?”

“I—” She cleared her throat. “Three times. But it was—it was quick. And it was this stuff with Manny—Robin—”

“I just—I guess I’m doing that selfish thing, and I’m picturing myself—” Robin looked away, then met her eyes. “A few years ago, while I was in Paris, I had a patient like you. A sweet girl who wanted to do right by the man she’d married. But he hit her all the time. And she always thought it was her fault. I told her to leave, and she wanted to. But she was Catholic, and thought—well, what would her family say? Divorce wasn’t done in her family. So she stayed.”

Elizabeth’s eyes blurred. “What happened to her?”

“She was making dinner one night, or so the police report said, and she used the wrong kind of pasta. So he hit her in the face with the pan she’d used to fry the meatballs. It was still hot from the stove. And he kept hitting her until—” Robin’s voice broke, and she took a deep breath. “She died, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth dipped her head. “Robin—”

“I didn’t tell Jason because I knew you wouldn’t want me to. Because I took an oath, and I see you as kind of my patient. But I’m just—I’m—if you end up here as a patient—I’m going to tell him, and I don’t care if they take my license. Because I think you and I both know if he knew, you wouldn’t be doing this.”

“He’d never understand why I’m staying if he knew,” Elizabeth admitted. “But—I think—” She sucked in a deep breath. “I think everyone else would.”

“Elizabeth—”

“They’d want me to give him another chance. My grandmother would just—I don’t know—I think she’d tell me that maybe it was my fault. And Emily would just say that Lucky’s not like that, and I should try therapy or something—” Even if Emily had been championing her to leave, she doubted that Emily would believe Lucky had crossed the line into physical abuse. She couldn’t bring herself to believe anyone would be on her side.

“Would they—”

“My grandmother seems to think if I’m single, I’ll run to Jason, and that’s the worst thing she could think of. She wanted me to keep trying with Ric after everything that happened—” Elizabeth rubbed the side of her head. “I’m just—I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to be blamed.”

“And that’s worth the chance you’re taking?” Robin said softly. “Elizabeth, if you end up hurt, I don’t want to be the one to tell Jason that I knew what you were facing and did nothing. I’d never forgive myself. So if other people’s opinions matter so much, why can’t Jason and I get a vote?”

She licked her lips, picked up a stack of charts. “I—” She met Robin’s eyes. “Please don’t make this harder on me—”

“Who else knows?” Robin challenged.

Elizabeth shook her head. “It doesn’t matter—”

“Why? Because you know if you told more people, they wouldn’t let you do this—” Robin scowled as Elizabeth looked away. “Who? Who knows and isn’t giving you the third degree?”

“Bobbie isn’t happy about it, but she’s promised to support me. And Luke—he asked me to stay. To give Lucky another chance. I know Patrick and Epiphany suspect—”

“That’s more than enough—Elizabeth, I don’t understand why you’re doing this. Why are you staying when you don’t want to?”

“I—” She hesitated. “I have to,” but even that sounded weak to her. “Robin—”

“No. Don’t ask me to make this easy for you. Don’t expect me to give you that crap about supporting you no matter what.” Robin huffed. “You know, I expected you to start telling me how much he loved you and how he’s not like this—you’re not even trying to make this sound like it makes sense. You don’t want to stay. Don’t.”

Her resolve weakened. “Robin—”

“Why do you matter less than Lucky?” Robin pressed. “Why does he get to come first? When is it your turn? Why the hell aren’t Luke and Bobbie helping you pack?” Troubled, Robin sighed. “But maybe it’s not that complicated.”

“I—”

“You think you deserve this. That you had this coming. That even though you know better, that you almost understand why Lucky did what he did. After all, he saw the truth, didn’t he?”

Elizabeth swallowed. “Robin—”

“If you’re staying with Lucky because you feel guilty about being in love with another man, if that’s why you’re going to let him get away with physical and emotional abuse—” Robin shrugged. “I can’t stop you.”

“It’s just—he’s been hurt almost since the wedding. He was different before then—but he’s been out of work and hurt. And things just keep getting worse. He’s so angry, Robin. If he could stop being angry—” She pressed her lips together. “You knew him when we were younger. You know what he was like.”

“You think it’s okay to push aside what he’s done, what he’s said because he’s in pain. Because he’s having a tough time. No, that’s not how it works. He made his choice. Maybe this isn’t who he was, but this is who he is now, Elizabeth.”

She sighed. “But you’re not ready to see it. Maybe you never will be. But I swear to God, if I find out he’s laid another hand on you, I’m going to tell Jason. I’m going to show him those pictures, and he’ll—” Robin scowled. “I should tell him now—”

“Robin, please don’t, he’ll never understand—” Elizabeth reached out to stop Robin from reaching in her lab coat for her phone. “Please—”

“I don’t understand.” Robin softened as tears slid down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I know I should be nicer. I should be more understanding. Or maybe I should butt out. Carly’s always said I don’t know how to mind my own business. She’s probably right. But I like you, damn it. You matter. And it kills me that you don’t think you matter enough to leave him.”

“Robin—”

“I don’t mean to threaten you with Jason. It’s only that—” Robin shrugged. “I think he might be the only person who could make you see what a mistake you’re making. And you know that. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so scared for me to tell him.”

“If…it happens again,” Elizabeth said slowly, “then…” Her stomach rolled. “Then you should tell him. Because you’re right. I don’t think I can—I can’t see this clearly. I thought I was. But I just—I don’t know. I thought I was making the right choice. I just—I don’t know.” She should tell Robin she wasn’t planning to stay forever, but she wasn’t even sure she believed herself, and she knew Robin wouldn’t understand.

“Think about telling him,” Robin said softly. “It’s not too late.”

Remembering Jason’s face as he’d walked away the night before, Elizabeth sighed. “You’re wrong about that. I need to get back to work.”

Kelly’s: Diner

Emily picked up the paper bag with the dinner she planned to bring over to Elizabeth’s that night so she could spend some time with her and Cameron. She thought her best friend could use an evening of normal.

She couldn’t explain why Elizabeth’s decision to stay with Lucky was bothering her so much—maybe it was the misery in Elizabeth’s eyes, the shock of how the PCPD had treated her after the kidnapping—and the conviction that whatever had happened between her brother and Elizabeth wasn’t going to go away simply because Elizabeth planned to ignore it.

Whatever was going to happen, Emily knew she’d have to choose a side. And maybe she already had—

“Emily?”

Emily blinked and turned to find Sonny standing behind her. She grimaced, unsure at how they’d drifted apart so quickly in only a few days. Two weeks ago, she’d been battling her family and friends, burning bridges with all the people in her life—and for what?

For Sonny?

“What? I’m on my way to pick up Cameron from daycare, so—” She shrugged.

“I just—” Sonny looked at the curious onlookers and nodded towards the back of the diner. Emily rolled her eyes but followed her former lover behind the counter, into the kitchen, and out into the alley. “I just thought we should talk—”

“What’s to talk about? I blew up my life over a man who doesn’t respect or trust women.” Emily shrugged. “Lesson learned—”

“That’s—that’s not fair. You know there are things about my life you can’t know—”

“Bullshit. There are things you don’t want me to know because you need to be in control. This wasn’t business as usual, Sonny. This was my best friend, and thank God I did butt in, you know, since it’s how you figured out that Manny was targeting Elizabeth. She’s my best friend, Sonny, and you wouldn’t let me help her.”

“I know that’s how it seems—”

“That’s how it was. Life is just…it’s too short to waste my time on a man who doesn’t see me as his equal.” Emily shook her head. “You don’t. And I don’t think there’s a woman you’ll ever trust enough to give up some of that control.”

“Emily—”

“It was fun, but I’m done. I need to get back to my life. You know, Elizabeth has never once let me down. She’s always been in my corner, always been right there when I needed her, but I wasn’t there for her. Being with you—I was a cruel, selfish, and thoughtless person—”

“Oh, that’s my fault?” Sonny repeated, irritated now. “You fought with Jason, not me—”

“No, all of those things are in me. But being with you brings out the worst in me. And I just…I can’t do it. It’s too hard, Sonny. And it hurts too much. And…” She bit her lip. “You’re just not worth it.”

She pulled open the heavy steel door to the kitchen and disappeared inside without another look.

General Hospital: Lucky’s Room

Elizabeth gently knocked on the open door to her husband’s hospital room. At the sound, Lucky turned towards the door, his face pale, and his eyes bloodshot. “Elizabeth.”

“Did Luke tell you I’d be by today?” she asked, not moving from the threshold, not interested in taking one more step until she knew…

Until she knew it was safe.

“Yeah.” He swallowed hard. “You gonna come in?”

“That depends. Are you going to call me a whore again?”

He closed his eyes, shook his head. “No.” The word was little more than a whisper, but it gave Elizabeth the strength to walk into the room. She stopped at the foot of his bed and left the door open.

“I was packing my things on Sunday,” Elizabeth said slowly, “because I thought—and part of me still thinks—that we can’t get past this. And honestly, Lucky, I’m not—” A lump rose in her throat. She had to say it. Even if she said it only once.  “I’m not sure I want to.”

“Yeah.” He looked at her, those eyes she’d once loved so much. “I get that.”

“I promised Luke I would try.”

“He said…” Lucky reached for the bed remote and pressed the button that brought him up a few more inches. Elizabeth sat in the chair next to his bed but perched on the edge.

Ready for an escape.

“He said he had to beg you.”

“Are you surprised?”

“No.” Lucky met her eyes. “I’d tell you I was sorry, but I don’t think I’m sorry is enough.”

“I’m not sure, either,” she confessed. “I know you’ve struggled, Lucky, since November. Since the car accident in February. I know it’s been hard. And I’ve tried to be supportive. I tried to do what you needed me to do. I told myself you’d go back to work, and it would be okay. We’d be okay.”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay again.” He winced as he shifted on the bed. “I can’t ever go back to being a cop. Mac said I could do desk duty. I’d hate that. Dad says I can go to work at the club. But I just—” A tear slid down his cheek as he shook his head. “I had a plan. And I can’t go back.”

“It’s not my fault,” Elizabeth said softly. “I know you think Manny went after me because of Jason. He didn’t. He was insane, Lucky. And he targeted me because of the kidnapping last year. And he went after you because of the bruises.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I remember that much.” Lucky exhaled slowly.  “I just—I see you, and I remember being in that room—listening to Manny—”

“If you can’t let this go, if you can’t get past this, Lucky, then we don’t even need to have this conversation.” Elizabeth started to stand, but Lucky held up a hand.

“I can’t lose you, too. I can’t—” Lucky’s voice faltered. “I can’t lose everything, Elizabeth. I don’t deserve you. But I won’t—I won’t hurt you again. I love you.”

She pressed her lips together, looked down at her arm, where the fingerprints from last Wednesday were only just fading. “You said that the first time you pushed me. And then twenty-four hours later—”

“I was just—I was angry. And I knew I’d fail my test on Friday—”

“Hurting me can’t be the answer.”

“I know.” Lucky closed his eyes again. “I know. I don’t have any excuses, Elizabeth. I was just—I was angry. And I was jealous. Because Jason was back in our lives, and I just—”

“I have never slept with Jason,” she said flatly. Because, at least on this, she could be honest. “Not seven years ago when we thought you were dead. Or five years ago. Four years ago. Last week. I don’t care what people told you. And if you can’t believe me on that simple fact, then we have a problem.”

“He needs to be out of our lives,” Lucky bit out. “And if you can’t agree on that, then we really have nothing to say to each other.”

“I’d already decided that, but he’s still Emily’s brother. And he lives in Port Charles. I can’t avoid him forever. So you either trust me, or you don’t.”

“I—” He licked his lips. “I want to. Isn’t that enough?”

Elizabeth wanted to say no, but she knew that she was on shaky ground here. She was pressing the semantics, but she knew if Lucky asked the right question, she’d have to lie. Or tell the truth about exactly how far across the line Elizabeth had strayed.

“We can start there.” She took a deep breath. “If you touch me again, if you hit me, push me, or even grab me, I’m done, Lucky. This is it. This is the last chance we’ll ever have to make this work. I want you to go into anger management counseling.”

“I—” Lucky’s face flushed. “What?”

“If you say no, I’m going to get up, go home and pack, and the only time you’ll hear from me is in divorce court. I took pictures, Lucky. Dated pictures before Manny laid a finger on me. So you go to anger management, or we have nothing else to discuss.”

Lucky wanted to argue—she could see it in his face—then he sighed, shook his head. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re probably right. I need to figure out how to deal with all of this. It kills me that I hurt you, Elizabeth. I don’t know how it happened—I never thought—I never thought I’d be that man.”

“Neither did I.” She shifted, uncomfortable, realizing now that part of her had thought he’d fight her more on the counseling. Had she still hoped he’d back out? Take the responsibility away from her?  “But we made promises to each other, Lucky. And they mattered to me.”

“They mattered to me. So whatever you need me to do, whatever you want, I’ll do it. Our marriage is all I have left.”

“Good. Good, I’ll get…I’ll get some names, and when you get out of the hospital…” Elizabeth got her to feet, tucked her hair behind her ears. “I have to go. Emily’s getting Cameron for me from daycare, and she’s bringing dinner.”

“Okay. Thank you, Elizabeth. For this chance. You won’t regret it.”

“I hope not. I’ll see you tomorrow.”