Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you’ll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast
You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you’ll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies
– Let Her Go, Jasmine Thompson

---

Friday, April 14, 2006

General Hospital: Lucky’s Room

Lucky grimaced as he gingerly lowered himself onto the hospital bed. He leaned over slightly, took a deep breath, and tried to grit his teeth as pain ripped through his back.

He’d begun intensive physical therapy two days earlier and would be in the hospital another few days. Nearly every doctor he’d talked to thought Lucky would probably be in a measure of pain for six to eight months as the discs in his back healed.

But he’d never be fit enough to go back to his old life. He wouldn’t be on the streets but chained to a desk. Lucky had reluctantly told Mac that after he was done this latest round of rehab, he’d take whatever job the PCPD found for him. Damned if he’d work with his father at the club.

He didn’t want to see Luke Spencer’s sad, disapproving eyes every damn day. It was bad enough dealing with his wife, but at least Elizabeth had a reason to look at him with such bitterness. He closed his eyes. He wasn’t going to think about what had happened before. That was the agreement. He and Elizabeth were supposed to make a fresh start.

Lucky wanted that. He wanted to make up for how much he’d hurt her, wanted to show her it didn’t have to be this way. But it was hard to forget she was only staying because his father had begged. She hadn’t wanted to stay, and if he’d been any kind of man, he would have told her to go.

But he wasn’t strong enough to throw away the dream of who he had been, the love he’d felt for her once. If they tried harder—couldn’t they be happy again? Why was it so hard to get it back?

“Spencer.”

Lucky turned at the sound of his doctor’s voice, watching as Patrick strolled into his room, a chart in his hand. “What? More bad news?”

“Maybe for you, but not for me.” Patrick shoved the chart into its place at the foot of the bed. “The hospital finally hired a replacement for Tony Jones. I’m transferring some of my excess cases, and you were the first on the list.”

Lucky scowled. “Why?”

“Because there is no way in hell I’m going to pretend I give a damn about what happens to you,” Patrick retorted. “Elizabeth refuses to admit it, but I know how those bruises got on her face, on her arm. For some ridiculous reason, she’s staying with you.” He shook his head. “You touch her again, Spencer, I will make your life a living hell.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lucky snarled. He forced himself to his feet. “Elizabeth was kidnapped by a psycho—”

“Not on Friday morning, she wasn’t. Don’t bother denying it, asshole. Any man who takes his anger out on a woman doesn’t deserve the title.”

Lucky fisted his hands at his side. “And who the hell are you to tell me how to deal with my wife?” Jesus Christ, how many fucking men did Elizabeth have trailing around her like a puppy dog? The doctor, the psycho, the gangster…what the hell was she doing that these men all thought they had the right to talk to him like this? He was a fucking cop—

“There’s a special place in hell for men like you,” Patrick told him. “Men who say ‘my wife’ like they’re talking about property they own. Elizabeth is my friend.”

“Sure. Friend. I’ve heard your reputation. You sure that’s all you are?”

Patrick narrowed his eyes. “You really are a dumb bastard. I’m not going to waste my time with you. I hope she figures out she deserves better. Rot in hell.”

He stormed out the door while Lucky glared at his back. What the hell had Elizabeth done or said? She’d promised no one other than his father and aunt knew—and why the hell did Patrick Drake give a damn? He’d only been in Port Charles a few months—

Lucky exhaled slowly, then shook his head. No. No. This was how it had started with Jason. Assuming there was something going on, and hadn’t he driven Elizabeth right into Jason’s arms? Every time he’d hurt her, that asshole had been there, waiting. Elizabeth made friends easily. People liked her.

When he felt the edge of his temper subside, he sat back on the hospital bed, and let out another slow breath. He had to stop doing that. Had to stop seeing Elizabeth at the center of everything that was wrong. She was all that he had left that was good, and if he messed up again, she’d never come back.

He had to get this right. He just wished people would give him some fucking space and understanding. He’d been through a lot, and he’d handled it badly. But he was trying, wasn’t he? What the hell did people expect?

He’d tell Elizabeth to get her new guard dog to back off, and maybe if Jason Morgan stayed the hell away, they might have a chance to get it right.

Hardy Home: Living Room

“Mommy, Mommy, guess what?” Cameron said, toddling towards Elizabeth as fast as his little legs would carry him. She still couldn’t quite lift him without a twinge in her shoulder, but she was able to keel down and hug him at the door.

“What?” She pressed kisses to his face as he giggled.

“Gram gots me another Biderman!” He wagged the action figure in her face. “And I gots a movie for here, so I don’t gotta bring mine.”

“That’s great, baby.” She kissed him again, then got to her feet. “Thanks for picking him up today, Gram. Carly had to take Morgan to the doctor’s—”

“I don’t understand why we can’t simply go back to our old routine,” Audrey complained as Elizabeth took Cameron’s hand and led him to the sofa where he started to put his things into a bag. “I enjoyed having him every day, but instead, you insist on maintaining connections to dangerous criminals—”

“Carly was actually found not guilty of shooting Tony due to temporary insanity, so I don’t think she counts as a criminal, Gram.” Elizabeth looked at her grandmother. “It’s not personal. Morgan and Cameron are getting along right now, and having Michael around is good for him, too. He needs the socialization to start nursery school in the fall—”

“He’s too young—”

“A little,” Elizabeth admitted. “But Carly told me the two-year-old program has been great for Morgan at St. Andrew’s, and since Morgan can’t start preschool for another year because of his birthday being in November, they can go to school together—”

“St. Andrew’s?” Audrey repeated. She pressed a hand to her chest. “That’s a private school—”

“Yeah, Port Charles doesn’t have a preschool program in the public school, so I have to pay—no, leave those here, Cam. For next time,” she told him as he tried to shove all of his Legos into the bag.

“But that’s very expensive. Oh, Elizabeth, don’t tell me you’re letting that man pay for Cameron’s education—”

“What?” Elizabeth stared at her, wrinkling her nose in confusion. Then she sighed. “You mean Jason.”

“Yes! You know what people will say if they find out Cameron is in the same school as Morgan Corinthos. You should look into Port Charles Day. It’s less expensive—”

“People can say whatever they want. Cameron Lewis left his entire estate to Cam.” Feeling exhausted by a conversation she never saw coming, Elizabeth shook her head. “I told you that. He put aside almost all of it for Cam’s education. I’m only using a little for preschool.”

“Oh.” Audrey cleared her throat. “I’m sorry. I had—I hadn’t thought of that—”

“No, I guess you wouldn’t. You’d have to ask me without jumping to conclusions. I can provide for my son, Gram. Thanks to his grandfather. But if you must know, I did ask Carly to call in some favors to get Cam in for next year. I wanted him to be with Morgan.”

“I like Morgan,” Cameron told his great-grandmother with shiny baby teeth flashing. “He’s my cousin. Cuz Aunt Bobbie is his gram, and she’s Daddy’s aunt.”

“I—”

“Carly and I do not like each other. But we both love our kids.”

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea for Cameron to spend so much time around criminals—”

“Criminals are bad guys,” Cameron announced with a dark look. “I don’t like bad guys. Who’s a bad guy, Mommy?”

“No one—”

“You’re telling me that you’ve never seen Jason Morgan at Carly’s house?” Audrey asked Cameron.

“Don’t get him involved in this—”

“Morgan’s Uncle Jason? He’s nice. He’s Aunt Em’s brother, and he’s nice, Mommy. He listens to all my Biderman stories. Then he let Morgan walk on his back.”

“Cameron, sweetheart, can you go upstairs and make sure you have everything you need?” Elizabeth said. The toddler sighed, then started to trudge up the stairs, climbing slowly. When he was out of earshot, Elizabeth looked at her grandmother with irritation. “Do not interrogate my child about Carly’s house—”

“You’ve just heard it from his own lips that he’s seen Jason there—is that where you met him?” Audrey demanded. “Did you use your own son as a cover for your affair?”

Elizabeth stared at the older woman for a long moment before exhaling slowly. “Thank you for watching Cameron today, but I’ll make other arrangements in the future.”

“Elizabeth, I’m just trying to help! You’ve so impulsive—you never think—You have a perfectly good marriage—”

“Is that what people said to you about Tom Baldwin?” Elizabeth demanded as she turned back to face her grandmother. Audrey’s face lost its color, and Elizabeth immediately regretted the cheap shot. “I’m sorry, Gram. I just—you never stop. You never give me a moment to breathe before you criticize me. You don’t live with Lucky. You don’t know anything about my marriage.”

“I—” Audrey swallowed. “Why would you compare…” Something flickered in her eyes. “Elizabeth.”

“Cameron, let’s go!” Elizabeth called up the stairs. “Gram—”

“Tom Baldwin abused me. He raped me. And he forced me to stay in a marriage that nearly destroyed my soul.” Audrey’s voice quivered slightly. “And you know that.”

“I’m sorry—”

“You would never throw that out at me to hurt me. Just as I would never remind you of your own attack as a weapon. So I ask you, Elizabeth…” Audrey took a deep breath. “Is there something you need to tell me?”

“I—” The truth nearly spilled out then as she saw that maybe, just maybe, her grandmother wouldn’t take Lucky’s side. Elizabeth sighed, bit her lip, and then Cameron started to climb gingerly down the steps. One step at a time, nearly crawling backward—Cameron was suspicious of steps.

The moment was lost. “No. I’m sorry. I’m just—I’m doing the best I can, Gram. And I’m trying to give Cam all the love I can. I don’t have a lot of family. It’s just you and me. So if Bobbie wants to loan Cam some of hers, I’m not going to argue.”

“No, of course not, dear. And I do remember how good Jason was with Michael as a baby. I’m sure he’s very nice to Cameron.” Audrey clasped her hands in front of her. “I’m sorry. I know I push too hard, and I judge too harshly. I love you. And I will try harder not to leap to conclusions.”

“Thank you, Gram. I love you. Even with all the…fighting…you’ve never given up on me.” She pressed her lips to Audrey’s cheek. “Thank you,” she repeated.

“I love you,” Audrey reminded her again. “And I will always be here if you need me.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Emily sheepishly stepped over the threshold of the penthouse, shoving her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she walked past Jason. “I didn’t think I’d be let back in here after the crap I started.”

“I let Wally know a few days ago you had clearance again. After Manny, then Sam moved out—” Jason shrugged, closing the door. “You told me you and Sonny were done…”

“All of that seems so far away now, doesn’t it?” Emily asked. She tossed the jacket on the arm of the sofa.

“Yeah.” Jason exhaled with a quick shake of his head. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter—”

“It does matter, Jason. Because maybe the reasons are over, but it doesn’t change what I did. What I said.” She folded her arms across her chest, dipping her head down a bit. “I was cruel. To you, to Elizabeth, and to Sam.”

“You were upset—”

“Yeah, but—look, it doesn’t mean I get to say whatever I want. I just…wish there something I could do. I mean, I started all that crap, now you and Sam are broken up, and Lucky is making Elizabeth miserable—”

“That—” Jason held up a hand. “That has nothing to do with it—”

“Nothing?” Emily lifted her brows. “You and Sam didn’t have arguments about what I said? How you reacted? You and Elizabeth would have…” She shook her head. “Never mind—”

“I’m—” Jason hesitated. “Maybe some conversations happened that might not have, but that doesn’t mean—” He paused. “How I reacted is on me. I pushed Elizabeth into talking about all of it. And kept pushing, even when she asked me to stop. And I’m the one that hurt Sam with all of that—”

Emily tipped her head. “You know, I’ve talked to Elizabeth. I know…I know things are…complicated. Did…she tell you she was staying with Lucky?”

Jason grimaced, remembering the conversation four days earlier at her apartment. Elizabeth’s tear-stained cheeks, the pain in her voice as she begged him to ask the question.

He should have asked her. So what if the answer would have made everything harder? How simple was it — Do you love me? And she would have said yes.

But he didn’t ask it. And she hadn’t volunteered.

“She did,” Jason said shortly.

“I think it’s a terrible decision. I mean, Lucky’s my friend, too, but what kind of friend would I be if I told her to stay with someone who treated her that way?” Emily asked. She shrugged. “But Luke knew exactly how to convince her.”

“Luke?” Jason repeated. “What does he have to do with it?”

“Elizabeth didn’t say a lot about it to me because she knew I’d be angry. Bobbie and I were talking, and she was pissed as hell at Luke. Apparently, she was packing on Sunday, after all that crap at the hospital. He came over, and he convinced her to give Lucky one last chance. She was so close to walking away.” Emily sighed.

Jason scowled. He knew it—he knew it wasn’t as simple as Elizabeth making the choice on her own. “She was packing? She was going to leave?”

“Oh, yeah. She’d even asked Justus about Cameron—did Lucky have any rights or was she good there—she was making the choice, Jason. And then Luke Spencer came to make Lucky her problem again. He and Laura—they always knew exactly how to twist the knife. I mean, look, I’m no saint. I was always pushing her back when he came home—but they never let up. Always telling her if she just kept trying, Lucky would come back to them. She just had to hold on to the memory.”

Emily started to wander around the penthouse, restlessly. “It made sense to me then. I was just a kid. We were all just kids. And then I came home and…I thought I was still supposed to love Zander. And I made everything worse clinging to that. I hurt him. I hurt Nikolas. I hurt myself. Because I was trying to hold on to promises I made when I was just a kid. The fact that Luke can look at Elizabeth, what she’s been through, and tell her she needs to keep holding on to this memory of Lucky—they were sixteen! Like how is any of this fair?”

“It’s not,” Jason said, finally. “But you’ll never convince her of that.”

“No, I guess not,” Emily said with a sigh. “I just…you get the feeling she’s not telling you something about all of this? Like…I know something else is going on. Not about you,” she added. “I think we’ve covered that—”

Jason frowned. “What did she tell—” He sighed. “Never mind.” Was that the kind of desperate he felt? Wanting to know what Elizabeth had said about him to his sister? How pathetic—

“No, about Lucky. I just—I feel like this isn’t the end of it. Like, she thinks he’ll go to go to anger management, and it’ll be okay. I just—I don’t think so. He was so angry about losing his job—how is that going to go away? I mean, I know Lucky. Even before the fire, he knew how to hold a grudge better than anyone. He hated Nikolas for years for no good reason other than he was a Cassadine. He declared war on Luke and his mother because of something that happened before he was born—”

Emily bit her lip. “I’m worried about her, Jason. It’s like…she’s got herself twisted up in who she was supposed to be and what her life was supposed to look like. Now, she’s too scared to step away from it. I thought she was past this—past this idea of saving Lucky the way she says he saved her. I don’t remember Lucky having to destroy himself to help her get through the rape, so why does she have to sacrifice her own happiness?”

“I don’t know,” Jason said finally, troubled. “But that’s a question that Elizabeth has to answer for herself.”

“Yeah. I know.” Emily offered a determined smile. “But I’ll be a better friend this time. I’m going to keep an eye on her. And you—” She tipped her head.

“Have to stay away,” Jason told her. “I promised her.”

“Okay. Well, then it’s up to me—” Emily reached for her jacket. Jason put a hand on her elbow.

“But if she needs any help—”

“I know how to find you.”

Emily left her brother in the penthouse, then smiled to herself as she walked towards the elevator. She knew Elizabeth wouldn’t have told Jason that she’d been on her way out the door when Luke pressured her for the same reason she hadn’t told Emily.

But telling Jason that Elizabeth had been ready to do it—to make sure he knew she hadn’t chosen this on her own—well, just maybe Jason would wait around to let the smoke settle and when Elizabeth finally got herself together—

Well, she’d done what she could to make up for her mistakes. The rest would have to be up to them.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Living Room

Elizabeth managed a smile as Lucky gingerly made his way into the apartment, his arm braced by his father. Behind him, Lucky’s former partner, Jesse, hovered, shooting Elizabeth irritated looks every few minutes.

She really didn’t have the energy to deal with Jesse and others in Lucky’s life who didn’t seem to be able to let the events after the kidnapping go. She’d run into several cops in and out of the hospital, and they all seemed to share Jesse’s general dislike of her.

Elizabeth didn’t much care what the PCPD thought as long as they stayed out of her business. According to Justus and Emily, they’d quietly closed Manny’s shooting as self-defense, so Jason wasn’t facing any charges.

She hadn’t seen him since he’d left her apartment the week before, and that was good. He was doing what Elizabeth had asked—staying away. That was what she needed to make her marriage work—

Even if she missed him.

“Thanks, Dad,” Lucky said as Luke helped him sit on the couch. “I can do it by myself—”

“That new doctor of yours told you to take it easy a few more days before you start trying to get back into the swing of things,” Luke reminded Lucky. “Let Elizabeth pamper you here—”

“She’s got work,” Lucky said, then winced. “I mean, that’s not what I—” He looked at Elizabeth. “I didn’t mean it that way.”

“I know you didn’t. Bobbie and Emily are both coming by to check on you while I’m at work,” Elizabeth reminded him. To Luke, she said, “And Dr. Cook made it clear—Lucky could follow his instincts. If he feels up to moving around, then he can.”

“I have to get back to my life.” Lucky looked at Jesse, who had shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “And maybe I’ll like working the desk—”

Jesse snorted but didn’t say anything about that. Instead, he just shrugged. “Whatever. Glad to see you out of the hospital. Maybe me and Maxie can come over for dinner or something. We’ll grab some ribs from Eli’s.”

“That’d be good, right?” Lucky said to Elizabeth. “We love their ribs. Remember? We had it on our first real date. Your birthday—”

“I remember,” Elizabeth said softly, but she did smile. “You got your dad to give us the club for the night.” He’d been doing that a lot since their conversation at the hospital—bringing up memories from those halcyon days before the fire.

The trouble was the more Elizabeth remembered how happy they’d been back then, she’d realized how unhappy she was now, and that probably wasn’t a good thing. But he was trying, and she’d promised to try, too.

“Well, speaking of the club, I should get going. Someone has to run the place, or Claude will burn it to the ground.” Luke looked at Elizabeth. “Call me if you need anything, okay, kid?” He kissed her cheek. “Glad to see you out of the hospital, Cowboy. And back to your old self.”

But his smile looked forced, and Elizabeth knew Luke was overcompensating. He felt guilty for convincing her to stay, but it wasn’t his fault. She’d made the choice. She’d had days to reconsider and people who’d wanted her to, but she’d stayed.

She’d stayed for the boy he’d once been and for the girl who had loved him. And she’d stayed because the promises she’d made in November had meant something to her.

“I’ll head out with you,” Jesse said to Luke. “Lucky, I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.”

When they were gone, it was just the two of them. Elizabeth rubbed her arms restlessly as she stood behind the sofa, watching as Lucky rearranged himself into the corner, wincing at the pain in his face. “Do you want something for diner?”

“No, not right now,” Lucky said. He grimaced. “Where’s Cameron? Why isn’t he here?”

“I thought it might be easier if he wasn’t here tonight,” Elizabeth admitted. “You’re not really that fast on your feet, and I wanted you to be settled and see how you felt out of the hospital without a two-year-old running around. So he’s spending the night with Morgan.”

“And Carly,” Lucky said flatly. “That’s still a thing.”

“It is. Carly’s taking over for my grandmother. It’s great, actually. Cameron gets to have play dates with his best friend. Carly’s usually with them this time of day, but if she can’t be, she’s got a nanny. And Leticia’s great. So I don’t have to worry about last-minute cancellations.” Elizabeth shrugged. “And it forces Carly to be nice to me, which I kind of enjoy.”

“I really…I’m not comfortable with Cameron playing with Sonny’s kid,” Lucky said. He looked at her, uneasy. “And doesn’t Jason go over there a lot?”

Forcing herself to be casual, Elizabeth answered, “I imagine he does. Morgan is also Bobbie’s grandson. He’s your cousin. Carly’s your cousin. We’re not arguing about this, Lucky. Cameron is my son.”

He pressed his lips together with a flare of his nostrils. “I thought we were supposed to be a family—”

She clenched her fists. Now he was going to play that card? “We were. But you made it clear that watching Cameron on your own is a burden—and that was before you got hurt again.” Elizabeth cleared her throat. “So I made arrangements. You can go to therapy and counseling without having to worry about Cameron.”

“Counseling?” Lucky repeated. “Oh, the anger management thing.” He hesitated. “I was hoping we could—put that off for a while. Just until I get through the first few weeks of my rehab. I know what the doctors said about my back, but if I try hard—if I can work through the pain—”

“You want to postpone anger management counseling,” Elizabeth repeated, her stomach dropping. Of course. “Lucky, you promised—”

“I know. And I’ll go. But I can go in a few weeks. I’m trying to do better. Aren’t I doing better?” Lucky demanded. “I’m not even demanding you keep Cameron away from Jason—”

“You don’t get any credit for not shoving or pushing me in the ten minutes we’ve been alone,” Elizabeth said coolly. “So I don’t know if you’re doing better. You’re not calling me a whore anymore, so okay there’s that—”

“Are you ever going to let that go?” Lucky demanded, suddenly shoving himself off the sofa and turning to face her. His face flushed. “I was in pain, and I was hurt—”

“You don’t even remember all the times you called me a whore, do you? Because—” Elizabeth bit off whatever she’d been about to add. “Never mind. We’re not having this argument. I don’t want you to postpone anger management. I’m not comfortable with you breaking your promise—”

“I’m not breaking my promise, I’m just asking for more time—”

“And I’m saying no.”

Lucky stared at her for a long time, but Elizabeth didn’t back down. Not this time. She wasn’t a weak, silly girl who was staying with her man because she believed he’d change. She knew he wouldn’t unless he dealt with his problems. And until he did, his anger could turn on her again.

She didn’t want to be like the woman Robin had warned her about. She wasn’t stupid—she wasn’t blind—and if Lucky refused—

She’d go to her grandmother’s house and never look back. She was keeping her promises. She was staying away from Jason. Lucky had to keep his, too, or there was no point in even trying.

Lucky scowled. “Fine. Be that way. I’ll go to counseling. I’ll make an appointment.”

“Good. I’m going to go make dinner,” Elizabeth said and went into the kitchen.

Jake’s: Bar

Sam rolled her eyes as she took a swig of her beer, then turned away from the door towards the back of the bar. “Slummin’ again?” she demanded as Sonny Corinthos slid onto the stool next to her. He ordered a drink from Coleman behind the bar.

“No, just checking in.” Sonny sipped the bourbon the bartender gave him. “One of my warehouse guys said you’ve been here every night—”

“It’s a free country—” Sam grimaced, then closed her eyes with a shake of her head. “I’m in a bad mood, Sonny. And it’s not getting any better the longer I stick around here. You’re getting in the way of my mood, so I’m taking it out on you. I don’t know why you’re bothering—”

“Jason said something to me in the middle of all that crap with Emily—about cleaning up my messes and not wanting Emily to be the next woman I damaged. I can’t—” Sonny hesitated. “I can’t do anything about Lily. Or Brenda. Carly is…” He flicked his fingers. “Whatever Carly is. But I just…I feel like you’re in a bad place. And I guess I wish I could help. Balance the scales a bit.”

“There’s no balancing the scales, Sonny. You didn’t hurt me. I didn’t hurt you. We didn’t matter enough to each other.” Sam pursed her lips. “And you don’t have to worry about me. I’m heading to Florida in the morning on a job. I’ll be gone a few weeks.” And might not even come back except to pack her things. She didn’t like who she was turning into in Port Charles.

“So you’re really getting back into the game—”

“I let you and Jason and pretty much everyone make me feel guilty about my past. I made excuses about what I did, tried to pretend I did it for moral reasons—I did it to support my brother. And I did, you know. I wanted to make sure Danny was cared for.” Sam shrugged. “But you know why else I did it?”

“Because you liked it.”

“Because I liked it,” she repeated. “You know what I mean, Sonny. It’s gotta be the same kind of power you feel being in charge here. There was probably a moment when someone listened to you carried out an order—or maybe someone you intimidated—a moment when you just knew it had been worth it because damn it felt good.”

“I do like power.” Sonny swirled the bourbon in his tumbler. “I never had much of it as a kid. Couldn’t keep Mike from leaving, couldn’t keep my mother from looking for a father figure to replace him. Deke locked me in closets—” He sipped the alcohol. “But being Sonny Corinthos with men at my beck and call, who’d take a bullet for me—” He nodded. “Yeah, that feels good.”

“Exactly. That’s what I feel when I run the games. When I know I have that person right where I want them—I can say anything, do anything, and they’ll believe me. I just—” Sam laughed a bit. “I love it. And maybe that makes me a terrible person. Jason hates what I do. I don’t get it—I don’t understand—”

“Jason Quartermaine was a pain in the ass,” Sonny said. “He had a moral code that was based on the usual crap—right and wrong, law versus crime. He thought I was trash, and that everyone around me deserved what they got. Except Stone. He loved Stone. But Jason Morgan still has that sense of right and wrong. He still follows a code. I just helped him rewrite it after the accident.”

“So he doesn’t believe in preying on the weak and innocent,” Sam said, with a roll of her eyes. “And people in your business know what they’re getting into. What about the collateral damage? I mean, come on—”

“He regrets collateral damage. Minimizes it. You and me—” Sonny arched a brow as Sam met his eyes. “We thrive on it. Because it means we matter. It gives us power. Jason will never get that about you, Sam. He can barely tolerate it with me.”

“I wish I could blame the break up on Elizabeth, but I guess we were doomed the second I decided to take that job with Paulie.” Sam finished his beer. “Well, then, better we figured that out before we got married or had kids. Because I’m done pretending to be someone I’m not.”

She slid off the stool. “To be honest, Sonny, I’m not sure if I’ll be sticking around Port Charles much longer. I still have some…unfinished business, but when that’s done—” She held out her hand. “Have a nice life.”

“You, too, Sam. Let me know before you decide to split for good.” Sonny offered her a dazzling smile. “I want to make sure I keep your contact info. You never know when a good con artist will come in handy.”

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Courtland Street: Alley

Lucky grimaced as he found Santiago Escobar waiting in their usual meeting place. He’d tried—he’d really tried—not to call the dealer because he’d been determined to get by on the painkillers his new doctor had given him. This guy hadn’t fed Lucky any the bullshit Patrick Drake had fed him about limiting his prescriptions. No referrals to a pain management clinic either.

But Lucky had taken the pills too fast—he’d gone through the entire bottle in only three days. He just knew that if he went back to Dr. Cook asking for a refill already, the doctor would probably start pulling the same crap. All these doctors, just covering their asses. They didn’t actually give a shit about him or what he needed.

“Didn’t think I’d see you back here,” Santiago said with a sneer. He shoved his hands into his jean pockets. “Heard you got the shit kicked out of you.”

“Yeah, well, that’s why I’m here. Manny Ruiz screwed up my back, and they won’t change the dosage on my pills.” Lucky grimaced as a tearing pain sliced through his lower back. He should probably still be resting at home, but he was sick and tired of not living his life, of letting it just happen to him.

“You got what I need?” Lucky demanded.

“Yeah, yeah.” Santiago reached inside the jacket and withdrew the plastic bag with pills—and the chaser of heroin Lucky had asked for. Just enough for one use. He wasn’t a drug addict, but nothing relieved the pain like the heroin. He could handle it. Santiago held out his hand. “Pay up—”

“I’m good for it,” Lucky snarled. “I get my disability check in two weeks. I can make it good then.”

“This ain’t no fucking Kmart, asshole—”

But Lucky had already taken the bag and shoved it in his jacket. “I’ll pay up. I need this now. I can’t get through rehab without it.”

“You don’t pay me in two weeks, Spencer, you’ll regret it.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Santiago sneered one last time at him before disappearing down the alley. Lucky took the bag out once he was gone and dry swallowed two of the pills. He’d have to wait until he got home and made sure he was alone before he could get the real relief.

He just needed to get through the physical therapy, get his strength back—then he wouldn’t need this crap anymore.

They say everything is temporary
Who the hell are they anyways
I wanna know where does love go to die
Is it some sad empty castle in the skies?
Did we just shoot too high and spoil like wine?
– But We Lost It, P!nk

---

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Mercy Hospital: Meeting Room

Lucky grimaced as he sat down in the folding chair, trying to adjust the way he was sitting until his back wasn’t screaming in pain. He took a deep breath and finally found a bearable position.

The chairs had been arranged in a semi-circle, just like he’d seen on television, and the people that filled them mostly looked normal. There were even a few women, sipping the terrible coffee he’d passed on.

Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. If Lucky could find a way to get control of his anger, to stop himself from lashing out at Elizabeth—

Maybe she’d stop flinching every time he came near. She’d done that before—years ago—after her rape. It had taken months before he could touch her on the shoulder or the elbow without her reacting in disgust—

He swallowed hard. He didn’t like reminding himself that Elizabeth had good reason to flinch from him now.

“The way this works,” the guy in charge said as he sat down a few chairs down from Lucky, “is that we introduce ourselves. First names only. And tell us why you’re here. What kind of problems you’re having.”

His smile was relaxed as he continued, “My name is Greg. I’m facilitating this meeting, but I’ve had my own anger management problems in the past. I didn’t know how to let the little stuff slide off my back, and I made everyone else hate being around me. One day, I got cut off on the highway. Instead of just letting it go, I followed the car until it parked in a residential neighborhood. I was about to get out and—” Greg shook his head with a rueful laugh. “I’d like to think I was just going to yell at him, but I’m sure I would have thrown a punch. I didn’t because a little girl ran up to him and hugged him.”

Lucky grimaced. He’d expected something worse than that, but maybe one of the others would have a story that would feel…more like his. He couldn’t be the only person who’d actually take his anger out on someone else.

Greg was quiet for a moment. “I sat in my car and stared at them for a long moment, and I realized that I had a problem. I had to get it under control. So I went to therapy.” He looked at the next guy, two seats away from Lucky. “What about you?”

Lucky listened as one man talked about how he’d lost it in a meeting at work and cursed out his supervisor—then the woman next to him admitted that she’d done something similar. None of these people had acted out violently.

But Elizabeth had asked him to do this—to give this a real try—and he wanted to prove to her that she was right to trust him. That he was still the guy who had slept on the floor and protected her.

“Uh, I’m Lucky.” He grimaced. “It’s a nickname my parents gave me when I was a kid—short for Lucas. I don’t—” He exhaled slowly. “I don’t feel lucky right now. I—I got married last fall. We’ve been together off and on since we were teenagers. Right after the wedding, I hurt my back. And then…I recently hurt it again.”

With a sour taste in his stomach, Lucky continued, “I couldn’t work, and I was always in pain. She stuck with me. She supported me when my paycheck was cut in half because I wasn’t on active duty anymore—” His throat tightened. “I just—I started to feel angry all the time. Just pissed off because this wasn’t the way my life was supposed to be. She was taking care of me, and it was supposed to be the other way around. That’s how it used to be—I used to protect her, keep her safe—”

He stopped, took a deep breath. “We’ve been arguing for months. I mean, I think I was arguing more. I was always angry, and she was always tired from work. And then one night, I accidentally pushed her.”

Lucky stared down at the gray, dirty carpet. “I didn’t mean it. She was behind me, and I just—I flung out my hand—” He stopped because, oh, God, that was a lie. He knew it. He’d always known it. He hadn’t meant to hurt her, hadn’t meant to shove her into the wall—

But he had known she was behind him, that she was trying to stop him from pouring out the medicine that Cameron needed—medicine that Jason Morgan could afford to buy but Lucky couldn’t—and he’d just wanted her to shut the hell up and get away from him—

He looked up, looked at Greg. “I was angry at her. And I took it out on her. I promised her it would stop. It has stopped. But I don’t know how to stop being angry.”

“Okay,” Greg managed a smile. “Thanks for sharing. Next?”

They continued introducing themselves, but Lucky realized that no one else shared a story similar to his—there were no other husbands, wives, boyfriends, or girlfriends—no other cases of domestic abuse.

He was the only person in the room that had taken their anger out on another person violently— or, Lucky told himself, the only one who dared to admit it. That was something, wasn’t it?

After the meeting, as Lucky struggled to get his feet, Greg came over to him. “Lucky, can you stay for a few minutes? I wanted to talk to you.”

“Uh, yeah, okay—” Using his cane, he followed Greg over to a corner of the room.

“Listen,” Greg began as he folded his arms. “I think it’s good that you’re here, that you’re ready to make a change. I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve seen come through this program who claim they have an anger problem but don’t want to admit the real reason they’re looking for help—”

Lucky frowned at him. “Real reason?”

“Domestic abuse,” Greg said. “Lucky, you have an anger problem, that’s true, but you’re here because you’ve hurt your wife, aren’t you?”

His stomach pitched and rolled, but Lucky nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s why I’m here. I never—I never punched or slapped her. But I pushed her. I shoved her. And she got hurt—” He saw Greg grimace. “What? I can’t be fixed?”

“I didn’t say that,” Greg told him. “But I think this isn’t the right place for you. What you need is a different kind of counseling. You and your wife need to be intensive therapy to deal with this—”

“But it never happened before,” Lucky told him. “Let me—look, I didn’t get into it during the meeting, but let me just—let me explain. I’ve known my wife since we were teenagers. She—she got hurt by someone else, and I found her that night—she was too scared, but she let me help her. That’s how we fell in love—this isn’t who I am—” His throat tightened. “This isn’t me.”

“I’m glad that you see that,” Greg said. “And it’s true, a lot of anger problems start with a traumatic incident like an injury, but if what you want to do is save your marriage, this isn’t going to do it. You’re more than welcome to work on your anger, but—” He hesitated. “This isn’t the place to resolve domestic abuse problems.”

Lucky swallowed hard. “We can’t go to counseling,” he said finally. “I can’t go to a therapist with her.”

Greg tipped his head to the side, squinting slightly. “Why? If she’s willing to work with you, try to resolve it—”

Lucky looked away, looked around the room that was now empty. “I don’t think it’ll work,” he admitted, finally. “She—while this was happening, she reconnected with an old boyfriend.”

Greg was quiet for a long moment, then nodded. “Which did not help your anger problems, I’m guessing.”

“I—” Lucky fisted his free hand at his side. “I know why she did it. I was terrible to her. I wasn’t being fair, and she was working hard to support us, to support her son—”

“You didn’t mention a son,” Greg said.

Lucky stared at him for a long moment. “I—I didn’t—” Of course, he hadn’t, he thought. He didn’t think about Cameron much at all. He didn’t need to these days since he was no longer expected to pick him up after daycare. Even Audrey wasn’t looking after the kid anymore. Cameron spent all his time with Bobbie or Carly.

“He’s two. Almost two,” Lucky corrected. “He’s not mine, though. He’s from another relationship—”

“The old boyfriend?”

“No—” Lucky drew his brows together. “No. From someone else. He’s dead. He doesn’t matter. The kid’s father, I mean.”

“Right,” Greg said. “Lucky, what you’re looking for—the answers you’re trying to find, the problem you’re trying to fix—it’s not going to happen in this group.”

“But—”

“Have you taken your anger out on anyone else?” Greg pushed. “Have you pushed around any friends? A family member?”

Lucky hesitated. “No.”

“You aren’t going to fix what you need to fix without your wife in the room.” Greg walked over to a table and scribbled something down on a piece of paper. He held it out. “This is the name of a good therapist, right here at Mercy. You should give him a call, set up something with your wife.”

“But you can’t help me.”

“We might be able to help you manage some of the anger, Lucky, but it’s not going to change the fact that you committed an act of violence against your wife.” Greg looked at him. “And if you’re telling me she was a victim of violence once before, I think your problem might be worse than you’re willing to admit to yourself. You need to ask yourself why you think this can’t be fixed in counseling.”

Lucky left then, crumbling up the paper and tossing it in the trash can near the elevator. He didn’t need to ask himself why they couldn’t go to counseling. If they went to counseling, a therapist might ask Elizabeth about her affair with Jason.

The last thing Lucky or Elizabeth needed to think about was Jason Morgan. He’d get angry again, and she might—

She might decide she’d made a mistake.

Saturday, April 29, 2006

Luke’s: Bar

Emily leaned against the bar and looked back over at the table where she and her friends were sitting. “It’s nice to see Lucky with a smile on his face,” she said to Elizabeth.

“Yeah.” Elizabeth waited for Claude, the bartender, to look at them. “Hey, can we get a pitcher of Rolling Rock and two strawberry margaritas?” she asked.

“Sure thing, sweetheart. You want me to send them over, or do you want to wait?” Claude offered as he tossed a towel over his shoulder.

“We’ll wait,” Elizabeth said. She looked at Emily with a sheepish smile. “I need a break from Jesse.”

“Yeah, he really is a dickhead, isn’t he?” Emily rolled her eyes. “Why did you invite him? He hates you and doesn’t mind showing it.”

“Because Jesse is Lucky’s partner, and Lulu is Maxie’s friend.” Elizabeth nodded at her younger sister-in-law, who was telling an enthusiastic story to the rest of the table. Lulu poked her brother in the shoulder, and Lucky rolled his eyes, laughing. “Lulu has been good for Lucky.”

“It’s hard to be miserable around someone who doesn’t take anything seriously,” Emily agreed. “I’m glad Lu could come back, and I guess Jesse will come around. It’s not like you’ll get Patrick and Robin out for drinks with Lucky any time soon. Patrick hates him.” She hesitated. “But things are better, right? Lucky started anger management, right?”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth popped a pretzel in her mouth. “He did. Thursday was his first session. He didn’t really want to talk about it much.” She hesitated. Lucky had been quiet when he’d returned home. She’d thought the sessions might be a lot for him, but she’d hoped he’d want to talk about them. “Emily—”

“Drinks up, ladies.” Claude set the pitcher and margaritas down. “Tossed it on the tab.”

“Thanks,” Elizabeth said. She picked up the pitcher. “Come on.”

“I still think I should get to drink,” Lulu was saying as Elizabeth and Emily set down the drinks. She wrinkled her nose. “I’m the only one who can’t—”

“You’re the only one who’s underage,” Lucky reminded her. “And you will be until…” He frowned. “Wait, when is your birthday again?”

Lulu punched him in the shoulder, but she laughed. “August 8, as you damn well know, and I’m gonna expect a big party to make up for that!”

“Here’s your drink, Maxie,” Emily said, sliding the margarita to her. Elizabeth set the pitcher down. “So, what did we miss?”

“Just Lulu telling Jesse about some stupid high school party,” Maxie arched her brows at Lulu, who offered an innocent smile. “Some things shouldn’t be spoken of.”

“Hey, what’s the point of high school if you don’t have a few regrets?” Elizabeth said, forcing a smile. “I mean, how many English classes did we ditch, Lucky?”

“Uh, not as many as you wish we had,” Lucky replied. He grinned at her, his eyes sparkling at the memory. “You thought running away from home meant no homework.”

“Well, excuse me if I thought something good would come from sleeping under the docks,” she retorted. She looked at Jesse. “What about you? Any crazy stories from high school?”

“We talked about me,” Jesse said shortly. “You weren’t here.” He poured himself another beer, then set the pitcher down. The table fell into an awkward silence. He looked past Elizabeth to Lucky. “You lived in Canada as a kid, didn’t you? What was that like?”

Lucky cleared his throat. “Uh, nothing special. Things didn’t get interesting for me until I moved to Port Charles.”

“Yeah, that’s when you started running away from home,” Lulu said. “Didn’t you and Em run away, too?”

Emily laughed, but the sound was a little forced. “Yeah, when I first came to live with the Quartermaines. Oh, my God, Elizabeth, do you remember the day we met?”

Elizabeth forced a smile, trying to cover how irritated she was that Jesse had, again, spoken rudely to her, and Lucky had said nothing. But Lucky was really trying, and it was fun to talk about the old times, the good memories. He was happy when they talked about those times.

But he didn’t want to talk about anything after the fire. It was as if they’d never made another good memory after Helena had kidnapped him. She enjoyed reminiscing, but it felt sad and a bit empty to spend hours talking about things that had happened nearly a decade ago and not feel comfortable enough to talk about anything that had happened to her lately.

She was going to start observing surgeries in a few weeks, Patrick had told her.  Elizabeth had been so excited to be leaving behind paperwork and post-op in the ICU. She’d come home to tell Lucky, but he’d just smiled thinly and told her that was great and left for physical therapy.

“Elizabeth?” Lu prompted. She kicked her under the table. “Where’d you go? Emily asked you a question.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. Yeah, Em, I remember. We were at the cafeteria, and it was your first day back.” Elizabeth took a deep breath and smiled at Lucky, but he was frowning at her now as if irritated that she’d drifted away during their conversation. “You were there, Lucky. Some girls were making fun of Emily, and I knew you were going to jump in, so I did it first.” Her smile felt thin as she stretched her lips even more. “I thought it would impress you.”

Jesse snorted. “So, the first nice thing you did for Emily was a lie? Shocking.” He sipped his beer.

“Well, yeah, but you were different back then, Elizabeth,” Lucky said, hurrying to cover for his friend. Lulu was glaring at Jesse, and even Maxie looked like she was starting to lose patience.

Elizabeth frowned at Lucky. “Different? What do you mean?”

“You were…” Lucky hesitated, sat back with a grimace. “Well, it was before,” he said lamely. “You were Lizzie. Remember?”

“No,” Elizabeth said softly. “I don’t.” Because she was still Lizzie. She would always be that brash, impulsive teenager who’d swept into town with a chip on her shoulder the size of Colorado. She’d often laughed with Emily or Lucky about her Lizzie side—

She’d just never thought Lucky agreed with her. Or thought of them as separate people.

“I don’t remember anyone ever calling you Lizzie,” Maxie said, with an air of desperation. “No one even calls you Liz. What’s that about?”

“My family used to call me that. It drove me crazy.” Elizabeth tucked her hair behind her ears. “Because it usually came at the end of a sentence that was about my behavior or grades.”

“Oh, so, like it’s a response thing. You hear Lizzie, and you think your mom or dad is right there, ready to snark at you.” Maxie nodded. “Yeah, I got that. If my mother calls me Maximiliana, I know that I am in serious trouble—”

“Or when I hear Lesley Lu—” Lulu said brightly.

“But you were different before,” Lucky insisted, and they all looked at him. “When you were younger. You’re—you’re nicer now. Better.” And now he didn’t look as happy. He looked irritated, his brows furrowed together with a twitch in his cheek. “Don’t pretend you don’t know what I mean—”

“Lucky, shut up,” Lulu told her brother, widening her eyes to make her point.

“Stay out of this, Lulu,” Lucky shot back. He looked back at Elizabeth, who just met his eyes, her lips pressed together. “I mean, think of the crap you pulled with Nikolas and Sarah—”

“I remember, Lucky,” she said flatly. She picked up her margarita and sipped it. “But that was always me. I’m older now, but I’m still Lizzie Webber.” She arched a brow. “I’ll always be Lizzie Webber.”

Lucky scowled and sat back in his chair, grimacing as his back must have shifted in the wrong way. “This is stupid.”

“Yeah, it is,” Maxie said, brightly. “It’s just a nickname.” She tossed back the last of her margarita. “I need another drink.” She got to her feet, grabbed Lulu by her arm. “Let’s go. You can go practice ordering.”

“What—ow! Hey!”

Jesse poured himself another beer—the only person at the table who’d finished his first round from the pitcher. “Just seems like Elizabeth is admitting she’s still a bitch.”

“You know what—” Emily began hotly, but Elizabeth put a hand on her arm and looked at her husband. When he said nothing to Jesse, she pursed her lips and nodded. He was never going to say anything.

She arched a brow. “Jesse?”

When the younger man met her eyes, a smug smirk on her lips, she leaned forward. “You know what I like about you?”

“What?”

“Absolutely nothing.” She paused. “Go fuck yourself.” Jesse scowled, and Elizabeth picked up her margarita. She sipped it, feeling a sense of triumph. Asshole.

“I just don’t know why you can’t admit that you’re not Lizzie anymore,” Lucky said, completely ignoring the byplay—and Elizabeth had had it.

“That’s what you meant that day back in the hospital,” she said. He frowned at her. “When you asked where that girl went—you really did hate Lizzie Webber, and all this time—all this time, you’ve been acting like that girl died the night Tom Baker pulled me into the bushes—”

“Elizabeth—”

“No, that’s not—” Lucky exhaled slowly. “No. That’s not what I meant, Elizabeth. I’m—” His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed hard. “I’m sorry if that’s how it sounds. But you know I’m not imagining things. You were different after.”

“Lucky,” Emily murmured. “This really isn’t—”

“I was different after that night.” Elizabeth twisted her wedding ring on her hand, wishing she hadn’t picked this fight. Lucky wasn’t wrong, but he also didn’t get it. And maybe she was making a big deal out of nothing. But it felt like it mattered. “I guess I didn’t realize how important that was to you.”

Lucky frowned. “Of course it was. That’s who I fell in love with—”

Emily closed her eyes. “Oh, you idiot—”

“Got it.” Elizabeth got to her feet, tossed back the last of her margarita, and picked up her purse. “I’m going to call a cab home. Good night.”

Luke’s: Parking Lot

Jason strode towards the entrance of the bar,  frowning as he thought about seeing Luke Spencer. He hadn’t seen the older man since the kidnapping—since Luke had convinced Elizabeth to stay with Lucky. He and Sonny didn’t have a lot to do with Luke’s club these days, not since Sonny had sold Luke his interest in the club after the garage fire years ago—

But Luke’s still operated in the Escobar territory, and Jason still had an obligation to check in with the old man to make sure they were sticking to the deal.

Just as he reached the door, it swung open and Elizabeth nearly barreled into him. Not realizing who it was at first, he put his hands out to stop her from knocking him over— “Whoa—”

“Watch where—” She bit off as his hands brushed her shoulders, left bare by the filmy tank top she was wearing over a pair of tight jeans, a jacket slung over her arm. “Oh. Sorry.”

“Sorry.” Like he’d touched a live wire, Jason drew his hands back. He looked at her, trying to focus on any detail he could in the dim lighting outside the club. It had been so long since he’d seen her—

She was clearly dressed for a night out—she’d done something to her eyes so that they looked darker, her lips were a ruby red. He looked past her, grimacing. “Are you—”

“I should go,” Elizabeth said. “I’m sorry. I just—” She took a deep breath because her voice faltered for just a moment. “I just had a fight with Lucky, and while I doubt he’s going to storm after me, he might. So I’m going to go call a cab—”

Jason exhaled slowly, irritated with himself as she started past him. He reached out, his fingers brushing her elbow. “Wait, I don’t—” He shook his head. “I don’t want you calling a cab and waiting out here alone—”

“I—” She looked back at him, their eyes meeting for a moment as her voice faltered. “That’s not a good idea,” she said, finally.

“Elizabeth, wait, I’ll drive—” Emily stopped short when she saw the two of them outside the entrance. The door swung shut behind her. “Oh. Hey. Jase.”

“Hey, Emily.” He slid his hands into his pockets. Stepped back. “Ah, I have to meet with Luke. I should—I’ll use the back entrance.”

Without another look at either of them, he walked around the corner of the building and disappeared.

Emily arched a brow at Elizabeth. “Thank God it was me that came out just then. You have terrible timing—”

“I didn’t plan for him to be out here—the universe just hates me—” Elizabeth shook her head. “Never mind. I just want to go home—”

“Elizabeth—” Emily pressed her lips together. “You know that’s not what Lucky meant, right? I mean—I know it sounded like he only fell in love with you because of the rape, but—”

“It—I know he doesn’t mean it that way. But I also know he’s not wrong. The person I was after the rape? He fell in love with her. I was quiet, I was withdrawn. And I didn’t have the energy to go after anyone, except Nikolas. Which didn’t bother him then. Lucky fell in love with that girl.”

Elizabeth looked away. “I always knew that. I guess I thought we fell in love again with the people we grew up to be.”

“You did—”

“I just want to go home, Em.”

“Elizabeth—”

“No, don’t—” Elizabeth nearly swatted Emily’s hand on her shoulder, obviously meant to comfort her. She curled her hand into a fist instead, jerking away. “Don’t. Don’t pretend I’m not right. He couldn’t stand Lizzie Webber. No one could.”

Emily pressed her lips together, then sighed. She said nothing.

“I just—I had to be that girl again after the fire,” Elizabeth told her. “I had to find Lizzie again or I wasn’t going to make it. And that’s—” She inhaled sharply. “Oh my God.” She pressed her fingers to her forehead. “I always thought—”

“Elizabeth—”

“I thought Lucky put me back together after the rape—I thought it was him—but I did it.” Elizabeth looked at her best friend, as tears slid down her face. “I finished it. Because after Lucky died I was alone, and I had to figure out how to survive. So I did it. I survived. And I only did that because I remembered who I was. That I was strong.” She pressed a fist to her mouth as she choked back a sob.

“You’re one of the strongest women I know—”

“I’ve been killing myself to be that girl again, to be the girl he fell in love with but—” Her breath was shaky as she tried to put it into words. “But he’s not even trying to love who I am today. Why? What’s so wrong with her?”

“You know the answer to that—” Emily tucked a piece of hair back behind Elizabeth’s ear. “You know there’s nothing wrong. I told you, it’s not too late—”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth looked back towards the corner where Jason had disappeared. “Yeah, it is—”

“Elizabeth—”

“I wanted to save the boy so much—the boy who never, in a million years, would love me today—” Her voice broke. “I wanted to save him so much that I threw away a man who already did.” Elizabeth pressed her hands to her eyes. “Oh, God, Em, what did I do—”

Her shoulders continued to shake as Emily drew her into a fierce hug.

“It’s not too late,” Emily repeated. “We can fix this—”

“No—” Elizabeth took a deep breath, then dragged her hands through her hair. “No. Jason doesn’t deserve this. I need—I need to finish what I started and then I need to go. I need to stop living in the past. I just need to stop.” She sighed. “I also need a ride home.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Please, Emily. I can’t—Not right now.”

Luke’s: Office

Luke scowled when Jason came through the door. “Hell, I forgot you were coming tonight.” He got to his feet and shut the door behind him. “My boy didn’t see you, did he?”

“No. I ran into Elizabeth on the way out of the bar, and she told me he was in here. I came through the back.” Jason held up a hand as Luke opened his mouth. “I didn’t know she’d be here. It was just bad timing. She had a fight with Lucky and left.”

“A fight—” Luke sighed, his shoulders slumping. “Damn it. It was going better. He was laughing the last time I went out there.” He went back to his desk, scowled at Jason again. “You’re not helping, Morgan—”

“I’m not doing anything,” Jason said flatly. “We had a business meeting. It’s not my fault you didn’t remember.” He fisted his hands at his side.

Luke narrowed his eyes. “You’re pissed at me, so I guess you know that I’m the one that convinced Liz to stay.” He nodded. “Didn’t think she’d tell you that—”

“She didn’t. And—” Forcing himself to take a breath. “It’s none of my business. She doesn’t want it to be, so it’s not—”

“Uh-huh.” Luke nodded slowly. “Never knew you to lie to anyone, even yourself. Guess things change—” He cleared his throat when Jason just glared at him. “Anyway, let’s just talk about the Escobars.”

Saturday, May 6, 2006

 Brownstone: Backyard

“Cameron, careful!” Elizabeth laughed at her son as he charged at Morgan, sending them both into the ball pit set up in the backyard. “Don’t hurt him—”

“I think it might be impossible to bruise that kid,” Carly said dryly as she stepped up next to Elizabeth. “Everything going okay? With the party, I mean?”

Elizabeth nodded, looking around at the tables and games Bobbie and Lucas had helped her set up for Cameron in Bobbie’s backyard. Luke had offered the Spencer house, but the Brownstone was more familiar to Cameron these days. Elizabeth was just happy to see so many people here, enjoying Cameron on his special day.

Leticia had brought Michael and Morgan earlier while Carly was at work, Emily had picked up Kristina and Molly from Alexis’s house so that there would be more kids. Lulu had convinced Maxie, Dillon, and Georgie to help run some of the games. Dillon had decided to be the official photographer and was walking around with his digital camera to take candids.

Bobbie had arranged a birthday cake in the shape of Spiderman. Luke had driven to Rochester to get, he’d informed her with a roll of his eyes. But her baby had the perfect birthday party—

Even if Lucky and Jesse had spent nearly the entire time in the kitchen, drinking. She forced a smile back on her face and looked back at Carly. “Imagine, Little John will be here running with them next year.”

“Yeah, God, he’s growing so fast,” Carly murmured. “Jax said he would bring him by maybe later, but he was napping when I left the hotel. And you know—”

“Never disturb a sleeping baby,” Elizabeth finished. “Literally, the first lesson any parent learns.”

“Can you—can you come over to my car for a minute?” Carly asked. “Mama!” She raised her voice, causing Bobbie to turn away from where she’d been speaking to Felicia and Mac. “I’m going to take Elizabeth for a minute. Don’t let the kids die!”

“Real nice,” Bobbie called back.

Carly cackled as she and Elizabeth walked around the corner of the house and headed for the street where Carly’s SUV was parked. “I figured you wouldn’t want me to bring this out just yet or do this in front of people.”

Elizabeth frowned as Carly pressed the remote to lift the back of the car. Then her face brightened. “Chuggin’ Charlie! Where did you—” She exhaled slowly, looked at Carly who just stared back at her blandly. “How did he know?”

“It’s not like Jason comes over my house all the time,” Carly said slowly. “But he visits the boys, and he’s been over a few times when Cameron has—”

“I know. Cam always tells me. He really—” Elizabeth sighed. “He really likes Jason.”

“I know. He invited Jason today, but Jason told him he had to work. So instead, he stayed for dinner on Thursday—when I had him overnight for the night shift?” Carly reminded her. “I got him a cake because it was his actual birthday—”

“I know. He was excited because he got two cakes for his second birthday—”

“Joke’s on me,” Carly said with a roll of her eyes. “Morgan thinks he’ll get three cakes in November, and this is just the kind of thing he’ll remember.” She sighed. “Anyway, Cam told Jason over dinner this was the only toy he really wanted. So I guess Jason made a few phone calls.”

Elizabeth stared at the blue train that had been at the top of Cameron’s birthday list. She’d looked for weeks—so had her grandmother and Bobbie—even Carly and Lulu had made a few calls. But Jason had listened to Cameron and located one for him within two days.

“I thought maybe we could keep it at my house for Cameron for a while,” Carly said when Elizabeth said nothing. “Cameron doesn’t tell Lucky about seeing Jason, does he?”

“No,” Elizabeth said softly.

“So it can be a secret, for now. Because Cameron deserves this gift, and he deserves it from someone who loved him enough to do whatever Jason had to do to get this stupid thing—” Carly looked at her. “And you deserve someone who loves your kid enough to do that.”

“Carly—”

“I’m not saying that because I like you. Actually, I’ve decided to hate you again.” Carly tossed her hair over her shoulder. “Jason looks miserable. I was hoping for more happiness when Skanky McCall left us, but apparently, I don’t get to have nice things.” She sighed. “I’m saying it because I think any single mother deserves someone who loves their kid.”

Elizabeth should argue with her, tell her to mind her own business, that she was wrong—but Lucky had only come to the party because he knew it was expected. And he’d stuck by her side long enough for Cameron to blow out the candles, then gone inside to drink with a man he knew hated Elizabeth.

More and more, she knew she was making the right decision. She would honor her promise to Luke to stay and support Lucky until he returned to work—but after that—

She was done.

“I fought for years for Sonny,” Carly continued. “I drove myself and everyone around me crazy trying to be enough for him—trying to match his expectations—trying to be worthy of his love.” She pursed her lips. “I thought that meant our love was epic, that it was destiny, fated mates bullshit, you know?”

Elizabeth let out a shuddering sigh as she saw where Carly was going with all of this. “I know what you mean.”

“I was devastated when it fell apart. I thought there was something wrong with me. I was damaged—I was broken—there had to be a reason Sonny always cheated. Why he treated me like a child, why he never respected me.” Carly met her eyes. “The best day of my life was the day I let go and stopped pretending what I was fighting for was worth having.”

“I—”

“You’re not there yet, and I guess I can respect that. Just because I think you’re an idiot who’s fighting for someone who doesn’t put even pretend to put in even half the work when there is someone out there who will love and respect you—” Carly shrugged. “That’s your mistake to make.”

Elizabeth laughed even as tears slid down her cheek. “Thanks, I think—”

“Don’t wait too long to get your shit together, Elizabeth.” Carly pressed the remote to close her car door. “Your son deserves better.” She met Elizabeth’s eyes. “And you do, too. Tell me you know that.”

“I—” Her voice shook. “I do.”

Carly arched her brow. “Then act like it.”

Oh we have stained these walls
With our mistakes and flaws
But even if we won’t admit it to ourselves
We’ll walk upon these streets and think of little else
I won’t show my face here anymore
I won’t show my face here anymore
– These Streets, Bastille

---

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Elizabeth propped her hand on her chin and smiled as Luke slid the Dr. Octopus figure across the table, pretending to let her son chase him with his Spiderman figurine. Luke Spencer might not be a good man, but he knew how to put on a great show.

This was the third lunch he’d met her for, the third time he’d insisted she bring Cameron with her because the kid was his family, too. He had promised her that if she took a chance on Lucky, he’d stand by her. And he was trying.

“Grampy,” Cameron said with a shake of his head, “That’s not how he runs!”

“Sorry, sorry, I’ll have to watch the movie the next time Aunt Bobbie is watching you and Morgan,” Luke promised. He handed the Doc Octopus back to Cameron and flashed a smile at his daughter-in-law. “He doesn’t mess around.”

“No, he takes Spiderman seriously,” Elizabeth told him. “Morgan’s having a great time teaching him about Star Wars. It’s been great having Morgan around him. I’m so glad Bobbie introduced them.”

“It does make Caroline crazy having to be nice to you because you’re the only parent who lets her kid go over her house.” Luke shrugged. “Anyone that drives my niece crazy is my favorite person.”

“I likes Aunt Carly,” Cameron said, furrowing his brow. “She gave me Doc Octopus for my birfday.” He set down his toys, then reached for the slider burger she’d ordered for his lunch. It still took a minute to watch her baby eating food that was so clearly grown up.

“It was a nice party,” Luke said. “Good for the Spencers to have new blood.” He hesitated, then slid his chair away from Cameron, angling his head as if asking Elizabeth to push down slightly so they could lower their voices. “How are you doing, kid?”

“We’re okay. Nothing’s happened,” Elizabeth said. She picked at her salad with a heavy sigh. “Lucky’s been sick a lot, actually. Throwing up. Upset to his stomach. I tried to get him to go to a doctor, but he refused. He goes to therapy, and he’s gone to anger management a few times. I…suggested marital counseling.”

“And from the look on your face, Cowboy wasn’t interested?”

“No, he’s tired of counseling. Between rehab and anger management…” Elizabeth bit her lip. “He’s trying, Luke. And it’s been good for him to have you around so much. Thank you. And Lulu’s trying. It’s helped take some of the pressure off.”

“I’m glad.” Luke hesitated. “But I asked how you were, darlin’. I didn’t ask about Lucky.” He tilted his head. “You wanted marital counseling.”

“It’s…I tried to tell myself it was like the brainwashing. I convinced myself then that it wasn’t Lucky doing those things. Saying those things. But maybe…” She shook her head. “Maybe we let him off the hook. Maybe we’re always letting him off the hook. I—”

“It’s only been two weeks. How’s anger management?”

“He won’t talk about it. He tried to get out of going, tried to put it off. I insisted. I told him it was the promise he made me.” Elizabeth swallowed hard. “I almost backed down. He—he looked angry when I asked, but—I didn’t. I told him no. He had to go. And…he’s going. But he won’t talk about it.”

Luke sighed, leaned back in his chair. “Well, kid, we’re doing all we can. I can’t ask you for more. When is he supposed to start the desk at the PCPD?”

“Another week or so. He’s able to get around better. Dr. Cook says he’ll always have some pain, but his mobility is better.”

“How long do you think you’ll manage to stay?” Luke asked, looking down at his bowl of chili. When she blinked at him, he shrugged. “Things aren’t getting better, are they? He won’t go to counseling, and I know you’re still fighting.”

“We’re not—”

“I know y’all argued the last time you were at my club. Bad enough that it sent you running.”

“You…” Elizabeth pursed her lips. “You do?”

“Jason was meeting me that night,” Luke offered apologetically. “He’d said he’d stop by, and your thing was a bit spur of the moment, so I’d forgotten. But Jason said he’d run into you outside. That there was a fight.”

Elizabeth looked down at her plate. “Not a fight so much as—” She sighed. “I don’t know.”

“I think you do know, Elizabeth. It’s okay. You didn’t promise me forever, and I didn’t ask for it. I wanted him to have space to adjust. You’re giving him that. But if he won’t work on the problems, Elizabeth, then nothing has really changed. It can’t.”

Tears burned in her eyes. “I didn’t think you’d understand—”

“Laura asked me once after the Cassadines hit Port Charles—when we started having all the problems—” Luke sighed heavily. “She wanted to deal with the crap. When I found out—when we thought Stefan was Nikolas’s father—she wanted to work it out. And I—I’m not as strong as she was. As you are. Even though she’d always looked past my flaws, forgiven me for things that no man deserves forgiveness, I couldn’t find it for her. I couldn’t bring myself to do what she needed.”

“Why?” Elizabeth asked softly. “I never understood it. I never really saw you guys in action, but the way Lucky always talked about the two of you, especially on the run—how could you deny her the chance to fix things?”

“I wish I had some eloquent explanation,” Luke admitted. “It took me a long time to understand why I just walked away. But I couldn’t make sense of it. If we went to counseling, Elizabeth, and we talked about her time on Cassadine Island, we’d have to talk about all the other stuff. The darkness.” He was quiet for a long time. “Laura never saw that night the way I did.”

She knew he was talking about the Campus Disco. They’d never really talked about it—the two of them. And Elizabeth wasn’t sure she wanted to bring that back. But…

“Lucky said that when he confronted her…she refused to say what it was.”

“That’s how she was able to live with me all those years,” Luke said gently. “How we were able to have that big, beautiful wedding, all those adventures, raise our kids—because she never admitted it to herself. And God help me, I knew it. Cowboy forced us to look at that night. To take it out and examine it. I still—I knew what I’d done. Laura eventually admitted it. But neither of us ever really figured out how to live with it.”

“And going to marriage counseling—”

“We might have. And I think I was better off pretending that we broke up because I’m a selfish asshole rather than the love of my life realized what a monster I am.” Luke swiped a hand over his mouth, cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how we got on that topic—”

“Thank you.” Elizabeth reached out, touched his arm. “I know this is hard for you. It was hard for all of you. But you still don’t give Laura enough credit. Maybe she didn’t admit to herself for all those years, but you know that she did finally. And she forgave you. And if you had even an ounce of her courage…”

“A lot of things might have been different. Well, you’re not wrong about that, kid. I’ve survived a lot of things, Elizabeth, but no one ever said survivors were always brave. I’m mostly a coward when it matters. Look at how I ran out on my family.”

“You came back, Luke. That’s not nothing. My family can’t even manage that half the time. And I hope, one day, when Lucky and I have sorted all this out, whatever happens to my marriage, I can still count on you.”

“Always,” Luke promised. “You know, the reason I even got my boy back in the first place—why we could be in the same room—you kept him from running away all those years ago. You gave him a place to stay. A person to hold close. And you helped lead him to Nikolas. And back to me and his mom. I—” He looked at Cameron, who had knocked over the ketchup bottle trying to reach it. He picked it up and dumped some onto his plate for some fries.

“Luke—”

“You kids were magic back then. The way you loved each other, the honesty—the sincerity. Grown adults don’t know the kind of love the two of you had. You saved him, Elizabeth. And I’m selfish. I’ve been asking you to do the same miracle over and over again.”

“I didn’t save him,” Elizabeth said with a shake of her head. “But I’m trying—”

“You saved him,” Luke repeated, gently. “The man he is today—that’s not your fault. You’ve done what I’ve asked. Thank you.”

“I didn’t do it just for you.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “People tried to talk me out of it. And they almost—” She thought of Jason’s face, the look in his eyes when she’d begged him to ask her.

The bitterness when he’d reminded her of all the times she’d left him.

You forgot to tell me you loved Lucky.

“Elizabeth—”

“I stayed because of the magic. You’re not the only one who remembers it, Luke. Lucky and I remember it. And we almost destroyed each other the last time we tried to find it. I thought it was different this time.” She twisted her wedding ring, looking at the small stone. “It was different this time. For a little while,” she said softly. “But Lucky and I aren’t those kids anymore. He didn’t handle the injuries—and—he doesn’t love me, Luke.”

She looked at Cameron. Luke followed his gaze. “I have my son to worry about. He needs a family who loves him. And unfortunately, the only Spencer who doesn’t—”

“Is the one who matters most,” Luke said quietly. “I get it, Elizabeth.”

“I don’t know how long I’m staying,” she continued. “I just know it’s not much longer. Something has to change. I’m not happy, Luke.”

“I can see that—”

“And I think—I know I deserve to be.”

“Of course—”

“So, we’ll just…” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “See how things go once Lucky goes back to the PCPD. Maybe he’ll agree to more counseling. But as things are—I’m not sure I can make it more than a few more weeks. If that.”

“Then that’s all you can do. Thanks, Elizabeth. For everything you have done.”

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Living Room

It had been more than a week since Lucky had run out of his second prescription of oxycontin and two weeks since he’d visited Courtland Street. He’d tried—he’d told himself that he was better. That he didn’t need the pills, the sweet relief of the heroin—he knew he didn’t.

He didn’t want them. He didn’t want to be a drug addict, and in his more lucid moments, he knew that’s exactly what he was.

Sometimes he made it ten minutes without thinking about the pills. But then he’d move slightly, his back would explode in pain, and there was no escape—all he could think about was the bliss, the emptiness in his head when he smoked the heroin—he’d only done the hard drug twice. Never shot it up, never used a needle—but God…he just wanted the pain to go away.

He wanted it all to go away. Every night he came back from sitting in a bar, nursing a beer, and lied to Elizabeth about anger management—he wanted an escape. He was failing her, failing his family—

Failing everyone still looking for the boy he’d been.

He’d tried anger management—tried to do what Elizabeth needed—but he’d failed at that, too. He’d knew if they went to marital counseling like she wanted, like that asshole Greg had wanted, she’d leave him.

She was going to leave him anyway. It just a matter of time.

So when Elizabeth had taken Cameron out for lunch, Lucky had finally made the call and begged Santiago to come to him.

He got to the door and pulled the other man in fast, almost before the knock had finished echoing in their dingy hallway. “You got the stuff?”

“Yeah, I got it.” Santiago raised his brows. “You got the cash?”

“Next week,” Lucky promised. “Disability isn’t kicking in as fast as I thought—” and wouldn’t be kicking in at all since Lucky was going back to work, but what the hell was Santiago Escobar going to do to him?

And once he got back to work, he wouldn’t need the escape. He’d have a purpose. He might even actually try counseling again—

But right now, he needed the high.

“You don’t pay next week, Spencer, my cousin ain’t gonna like it. He’s on me about it—” Santiago shoved him in the chest, setting Lucky back a step. “And he’s not gonna fuck around. You better pay.”

“Yeah, yeah. I will.” Lucky almost drooled as he saw what he’d asked for—the bottle of pills and enough of the heroin to hold him over until he went back to work. “Nice—”

“That’s five grand you owe me, Spencer.” Santiago grabbed Lucky’s shirt and dragged him towards him. “Where the fuck you gonna get that kind of money? Disability pays that much? Fuck that—”

“I’m a cop injured in the line of duty,” Lucky said desperately. Wasn’t he gonna give him the stuff? Why bother coming over here? “They’re gonna hold a benefit for me at the carnival. A raffle to help with expenses—”

“You’d better hope they come through. Don’t you got a rich brother?”

Lucky scowled, shoved Santiago back hard. “I don’t ask my brother for shit.” And Nikolas was still in Greece, still in deep mourning over the death of Courtney Matthews and the loss of the child he’d wanted to be his.

“You’d better make good. You got a week, Spencer. One week. And you’ll remember this once you’re back at work. I take care of you now, you take care of me then.”

“Sure, sure.”

Santiago scowled, but eventually left. Lucky sighed in relief as he clutched the bag to him. He had maybe an hour before Elizabeth got back. He hurried through Cameron’s bedroom into the bathroom ensuite. He closed the door and ran the shower at the hottest setting, knowing that the steam would help dissipate the smell.

And then he lit a match, waiting for the emptiness he was beginning to crave with a fury that would have terrified him—if he could think clearly enough to realize it.

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Jason breathed a sigh of relief when he realized that Elizabeth wasn’t on the premises. After their run in at Luke’s a few weeks earlier, he’d realized he’d need to be more proactive about not seeing her. He’d had Emily find out her work schedule, then avoided any of the places they might run into each other when she was off.

But Mike had asked to see both of them today, and Jason had taken a chance, knowing that Elizabeth wasn’t working the day shift this week. She’d switched to nights, Emily had said, for a few days, and Cameron was excited because he’d been spending the nights with Morgan.

Jason had managed to drop by Carly’s a few times when he’d known Cameron might be there. He’d promised to stay away from Elizabeth, but he hadn’t promised to stay away from Cameron. He’d seen the little boy the night before after his mother had dropped him off. Cameron had thanked him shyly for his birthday present, the Chuggin Charlie train that his mommy had told him was from Jason.

“But shhhh,” Cameron said in a whisper with gleaming eyes. “It’s a secret. Mommy said just you, me, Aunt Car, and her. Like Biderman.”

So Elizabeth knew and had told Cameron where the present came from. Had wanted Cameron to know it. Jason didn’t want that to matter, but it did.

Other than that brief moment at Luke’s, he hadn’t seen her in nearly a month. It wasn’t even the first time a month had passed without seeing her, but it hurt now in a way he hadn’t expected. He’d thought the pain would be less sharp after all these weeks—that he’d be able to stop thinking about her.

“She’s not here,” Sonny said simply, as Jason’s eyes swept the diner again. Jason looked at his partner with a frown. “I called before we came. Mike let me know she’d just left.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “I wasn’t—”

“I know. But he said it was important and I know you promised her. So let’s go see what he wants.” Sonny sighed as they headed for the kitchen. “Man, I hope this isn’t about another bookie.”

Mike grinned at them, wiping his hands on his apron as he came out of the pantry. “Thanks for coming, guys. Come into the alley. Let’s talk.”

Jason grimaced as he followed Sonny and his father behind the diner, letting the heavy steel door fall closed. “What’s up, Mike?” he asked.

“I caught a little weasel working my parking lot yesterday,” Mike told them, the grin fading from his face. “The Escobars.”

Sonny scowled. “Bullshit—they know they’re not supposed to leave Courtland Street—” He looked at Jason. “Did you know about this?”

“They’ve been getting bold,” Jason admitted. He fought back the urge to remind Sonny he’d warned him about the Escobars months earlier. Sonny had brushed him off then. “I heard some rumors, and I checked with Luke. His club is on the edge of the territory, and he said they’d been tried a few times. He’s always run them off, but they’ve been getting braver. I told you they didn’t want to be limited to that part of town,” Jason told him. “But Kelly’s is your territory, and your father runs it.”

“A couple of Mateo’s nephews are coming up,” Mike said. “They’re young.”

“And stupid,” Jason said. “Just Kelly’s? Anywhere else?” If they were only pushing at Kelly’s, it might be a dig at Sonny personally.

Mike hesitated. “Georgie Jones. She’s a senior at PCH this year and said that a couple of Escobar kids got arrested for dealing at the school. Felipe and Iker. Mateo’s sister’s kids. I asked,” he added. “And the little asshole in my parking lot was Santiago Escobar, their oldest brother. They’re dumb, Sonny, but not afraid. They think the deal you made with Mateo shows their uncle’s weakness. They’re out looking for respect.”

“God damn it,” Sonny muttered. “I’m not in the mood for this penny-ante shit.” He looked at Jason. “Get Mateo in the room with me. He needs to get his house in order. He gets his sliver of territory because I don’t have the energy to stomp him out. Make him understand I will find the time.”

“I’ll head over to the warehouse now and set it up.” Jason nodded to the two of them, and walked down the alley, out towards the parking lot.

Mike hesitated, then looked at Sonny. “You called me before you came over. Asking me about Elizabeth. If she was around.”

“Yeah, you told me she’d grabbed something to drink and left.”

“She did. She told me she was gonna sit on the pier and watch the ships come in a bit since her grandmother had the kid, and she had some free time to herself.” Mike grimaced, looking back where Jason had disappeared. “Does that matter?”

Sonny pursed his lips. “He’s supposed to stay away from her,” he murmured. “But you know what? What he doesn’t know, what she doesn’t know? Not their fault.”

“Uh-huh,” Mike said. “Just so you know, if this becomes a thing—”

“You had nothing to do with it,” Sonny promised, and hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Sam stepped off the elevator and grimaced when she saw Epiphany Johnson standing like a guard behind the counter.

She’d just flown back to Port Charles the day before intending to pack up her meager belongings and go back to Miami, where she was closer to the action and the jobs. Since leaving Port Charles, she’d run a few real estate cons with Paulie and had started to put the moves on a new mark for the trophy wife. Her trip here was part of it—disappear for a few days early in the relationship, make him desperate for her.

She had a few things she’d left in storage here—and she felt like she had to make peace with Elizabeth before she could leave Port Charles behind.

Whatever Elizabeth and Jason had been up to, whatever their twisted relationship looked like now, Sam knew that the other woman had stayed with Lucky. And was probably still dealing with the vicious rumor mill that went along with this hospital.

So Sam just wanted to make good with the nurse because she shouldn’t have gone after Elizabeth that way. She should have just sliced off Jason’s balls since he was the one that had done the wrong.

Epiphany narrowed her eyes when she saw Sam. “No.”

“I just want to talk to her for a minute, Epiphany. Can you just tell me when she’s working—”

“No—”

“I need to apologize—”

“I can say no in a couple of languages. Maybe you’d understand one of them,” Epiphany snapped.

“Okay, okay—” Sam held up her hands. “I just—I just felt bad, and I didn’t want to leave Port Charles without making good—”

“That girl don’t owe you anything, Sam. She never did. So, take your guilt and try someone else. You come near my nurse, I’ll have your ass removed by security.” Epiphany picked up the phone. “In fact, you don’t leave right now—”

“I’m going, I’m going,” Sam muttered. She’d track Elizabeth down somewhere else. She didn’t want to leave any unfinished business behind in Port Charles.

Except Alexis Davis because that shit was staying buried.

Elm Street Pier

Elizabeth had thought she’d be safe on the pier from running into Jason.

She’d been at Kelly’s, picking up an iced coffee to enjoy on the docks, the first truly warm day in an otherwise chilly spring. She had an entire hour free before she was supposed to meet her grandmother to go shopping and have dinner with Cameron before her night shift.

Mike had been on the phone while she sat at the counter. He’d looked at her meaningfully, then asked a question, clearly repeating the person on the other end. “Is Elizabeth Webber here?” She’d frowned at her name, then he’d continued. “Sonny, why does that matter? I just need to see you and Jason.”

She exhaled slowly, understanding. Sonny didn’t want her to run into Jason. She raised her coffee. “I’m going to sit on the docks for a bit,” she said to him softly, dropping money on the counter. “See ya, Mike.”

And then she’d left, feeling like she’d be okay. Jason and Sonny would meet with Mike, she’d be on the docks, enjoying her coffee, and keeping her promise to herself and Lucky. Jason was obviously keeping his promise to her to stay away.

Everyone doing what they said they would. Like mature adults.

Except when she heard the boots, her heartbeat picked up, and her stomach started fluttering. Not in dread. Not in annoyance.

In relief.

Which was insane because Elizabeth had already promised herself she was done running to Jason, done using him. She’d made a mistake staying with Lucky, but it was her mistake to fix.

And just because she knew she was leaving Lucky in a few weeks, it didn’t mean Jason was going to be waiting for her. She’d already rejected him one too many times to hope for that.

He stopped at the top of the stairs as she got to her feet and looked at him. Jason met her eyes, then slowly walked down towards her. He stopped at the bottom and didn’t move.

Elizabeth licked her lips and offered a smile. “Hey. I—I’m just…drinking coffee.”

“I didn’t—” Jason looked around, but the dock was empty, and the only people they could see or hear were the workers just off on the pier and in the distance on the wharf. “I didn’t know you’d be here. I was just going to the warehouse.”

They stared at each other for another minute, and Elizabeth knew—she knew she should just let him go. But she couldn’t.

She didn’t want to.

“Thank you for the train,” she said softly. “Cameron wanted it so much, but it was sold out everywhere. Bobbie, Gram, I—We all looked.”

“How did you know—” Jason broke off, swallowed.

“Carly brought it. And even if she hadn’t told me, I’d know you would be the only person who could find something like that.” Elizabeth smiled, hoping it looked as casual as she wanted it to. “Cameron loves it. And he won’t say anything—”

“I—I saw him yesterday. At Carly’s. He said it was a secret. Like Spiderman.” A smile flitted on his lips as he took a step towards her. “I didn’t know if you’d let him keep it.”

“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my son.” She stepped towards him. “Thank you.”

“He talked about it when I saw him at Carly’s.” Unsure, Jason looked out over the lake. “He asked me to come to his party. But I told him I couldn’t. I said I’d send something.”

“He—I’m glad he gets to see you at Carly’s. He loves it there so much. Morgan has a lot of toys, but he’s just surrounded by a lot of people who love him. It’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.”

“He’s a great kid.” He looked back at her, and Elizabeth looked down, a bit unnerved by how much she wished his eyes weren’t guarded. How much she missed the way he looked at her. She shouldn’t.

She was married. She’d decided to stay with her husband. Even if she knew she was leaving, Jason deserved better than this.

“Are you…” Jason shook his head. “Never mind. It’s none of my business. I should go—” He started past her, towards the dock stairs—then stopped. He turned back to face her, only a few inches away. “You were going to leave. Emily told me.”

“I was,” Elizabeth said softly. “I didn’t.” She should have. She wished like hell she hadn’t listened to anyone but her gut that day. Or that she’d listened to everyone except Luke Spencer.

He nodded, almost with a grimace as if he’d regretted saying anything. He exhaled a short sharp breath. “Okay, then.”

Jason started to walk away then, but she couldn’t let it go. Not like this. And she should have. This was just like before—only he’d been the one pushing for more than she wanted to give, and now—

Now she just couldn’t let him walk away. She couldn’t stand that he’d think—

“It’s not okay.”

He stopped but kept his back to her. “No, it’s not.” His words drifted back towards her. Then Jason slowly turned around. “I’m doing what you wanted. I’m staying away from you. But I—” He hesitated, his face pained. “I need to know something.”

“What?”

Oh, God, was he going to ask? What if he did—what would she say?

If I have to ask, you’re not ready to offer it.

“You always choose him,” Jason said, his voice so soft, so quiet, it was almost lost in the air between them. “But you’re not really choosing him, are you?”

“I—”

“Because it’s not about him or me.”

“No,” Elizabeth said. She squeezed her eyes shut. “Because that’s not a contest. It’s—” Her voice caught on the words because, God, they felt like a betrayal. They felt wrong.

They should feel wrong.

And maybe the fact that it didn’t feel wrong was the real crime. “It’s always you.”

Jason took that in, and some of the tension in his face eased. “Then, why?”

“I—” Her throat closed, and she shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah, you do.” Jason touched her face—for just a second—so quickly his fingers felt like a ghost against her cheek. “I just want you to be happy.”

“I’m trying.”

He nodded, then stepped back. “If you need me,” Jason said after a long moment, “you know how to find me.”

She sighed as he walked away, and this time, she let him.

Oh what are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us
Running back through the fire
When there’s nothing left to save
It’s like chasing the very last train when it’s too late
– Broken Strings, James Morrison and Nelly Furtado

---

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Kitchen

Elizabeth washed Cameron’s breakfast dishes and set the last one in the drying rack just as the front door open. She looked over to find Lucky, then immediately looked away as she remembered standing on the docks with Jason less than an hour ago.

It’s always you.

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to erase the conversation, trying to forget the way he’d looked at her. He’d been guarded at first, but by the end—he’d let her in again.

And she’d been so pathetically happy to see it, to know it was still there—that maybe she hadn’t ruined everything—

“Elizabeth?”

“Hey.” Elizabeth’s voice faltered, and she cleared her throat, tried again. “Hey. I didn’t expect to see you.”

“Yeah, I went to the station to sign some paperwork.” Lucky grimaced as he pulled out a bottle of beer from the fridge. “I have a rehab session in a little bit.”

Elizabeth looked at the beer bottle with some distaste—he was drinking more and more, she thought. Maybe because Dr. Cook hadn’t wanted to renew his pain prescription the last time they’d been at the hospital. But she said nothing.

It wasn’t a fight she wanted to have right now.

“And then you have group, right?” Elizabeth added when Lucky didn’t go on. “You could…” She took a deep breath. She had promised herself and Lucky that she would try to make things easier for him. “I can try to arrange my break if you wanted to stop by GH. We could get dinner at the cafeteria. I know the food is terrible—”

“No, that’s fine. I’d rather come home and sleep.” Lucky left the kitchen and let himself fall heavily on the couch, his wince not nearly as bad as it might have been a week ago. He was starting—finally—to heal.

“Yeah, okay.” Tucking her hair behind her ears, Elizabeth smiled nervously and sat on the other side of the sofa. “Um, this is my last night shift. I thought that maybe we could take Cameron to the spring carnival on Saturday. Morgan is going to spend the night—”

Lucky smirked, a bitter expression as he set the bottle down and reached for the TV Guide. “Really? You think I should be walking around, chasing a pair of two-year-olds?”

“No, I—” Elizabeth shook her head. “I guess not. Sorry. I didn’t think. I could bring something home. Maybe some ribs—”

“Jesse and Maxie brought ribs last night.” Lucky flipped through the magazine. “You were at work. Again.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth pressed her lips together, tried to count to ten. “I thought they were going to come over with—I just thought that was something we were going to do together—”

“Jesse doesn’t like you much right now,” Lucky said without any inflection. “And after that last time at my dad’s club, I figured you’d want a break from him.” He frowned at her. “Or was I wrong?”

She took a deep breath. “You’re not. I wish you’d have talked to him, but fine. I just—I don’t know what you want from me, Lucky. I keep trying to plan things for us to do together—and you just don’t—you don’t want to do anything—”

“Oh, don’t be like that. I’ve been tired. Between therapy and learning the computer software for my new desk job,” Lucky retorted, “when do I have time?” He huffed. “And we tried doing something together. You stormed out.”

Elizabeth sighed. Two weeks of anger management probably weren’t going to perform miracles, but she’d hoped something would change. “Did you talk to your group leader about a meeting that I could go to? I know they have ones for couples—”

“No, and I told you, I don’t want you there.” Lucky shoved himself to his feet, grabbed his beer bottle, and started for the kitchen. “What do you even need to go for?”

“To—” Elizabeth frowned, following him. “To just…talk. You don’t think it might help—”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake—” Lucky whirled, then grimaced as he turned too quickly for his back. “Christ, Elizabeth, can’t I have a minute’s of peace with you banging me over the head? I’m working on it. I’m going to the stupid anger management. I haven’t pushed you. I haven’t called you names.”

She swallowed the snarky response that had sprung to her lips and tried again. “No, you haven’t. But we’re still not really talking. It feels like you blame me—”

“Of course, I blame you. Who the hell else am I supposed to blame?” Lucky demanded. He tossed the empty beer bottle into the trash can and pushed past her back to the kitchen. She stumbled back slightly into the fridge.

“Lucky—”

“You didn’t shove your heel in my spine, no, but you’re the fucking reason Manny Ruiz kidnapped me, aren’t you?” Lucky shook his head, reaching for his keys. “And he only kidnapped you because of Jason—”

“We’ve been through this—” Elizabeth threw up her hands in frustration. “He was already targeting me—”

“But he didn’t make a move until you got messed up with Jason Morgan,” Lucky cut in. “He probably saw a good chance to irritate Jason. I was just collateral fucking damage. Stop trying to pretend this isn’t your fault.”

“You—” She hugged herself, feeling a bitter chill crawl up her back. “You told me in the hospital you understood it wasn’t—”

“Yeah, well, I was—” Lucky scowled. “I was screwed up on pain meds, and I was ashamed of how I’d treated you. You…had an affair. Okay? And I’m still angry about it. I get to be fucking angry, Elizabeth. I shouldn’t put my hands on you, fine. But don’t pretend you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.”

The denial was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t make the words leave her throat. Because of course, Lucky was right. Hadn’t she and Jason kissed right here in this room a month earlier? Hadn’t she all but begged Jason to take the decision out of her hands?

“At least you’re not fucking denying it anymore,” Lucky muttered, turning away to go through the mail on the side table. “Neither one of us is innocent, Elizabeth. We both messed things up.”

“Okay,” Elizabeth said slowly to his back. “So I’m asking you if you want to make it better. Because storming around, not talking to each other—that’s not going to solve anything. I think we need to talk to someone—”

“You talk to someone,” Lucky interrupted. “I’m already talked out—”

“But—”

“Jesus Christ leave me alone!” he finally exploded, turning around to face her, his arms raising as if to grab her shoulders.

He stopped, his hands freezing in mid-air. Then his fingers curled into fists. He stared at them as her stomach iced over.

Slowly, Lucky let his hands fall to his side. “You need to leave me alone when I’m like this,” he said flatly. “This is always how it starts. You never know when to stop.”

Shaken, Elizabeth nodded, stepped back. “I have to go to work. I’ll—I’ll see you tomorrow.” She edged around him, took her bag off the hook by the door, and left.

Greystone Manor: Living Room

Jason strode into the room as Sonny poured himself a bourbon. “Mateo is open to a meeting. Says he’s having issues with some younger cousins and isn’t opposed to us making an example of some of them.”

“Good, good. Set it up.” Sonny hesitated, then offered Jason a drink. “Mike, ah, told me after you left that Elizabeth had gone to the docks. You didn’t, ah, run into her, did you?”

Jason shook his head at the offer of liquor, then frowned. “What? Why?” He furrowed his brow. “And why didn’t you call me?”

If Sonny or Mike had warned him—he wouldn’t have taken those stairs. Or maybe he would have. He’d been able to stay away from Elizabeth for the last month, but if he’d known she was that close, sure to be alone—

He shook his head, shoving it out of his head. It didn’t matter what Elizabeth had said on the docks.

It’s always you.

It was never him. It didn’t matter why she chose Lucky Spencer time after time. She did. And this was the last time he was going to let himself wonder or worry about it. He couldn’t do it anymore.

“So you did see her,” Sonny said. He sat in the armchair. “I thought about warning you, but I also…” he sighed, swirling the deep, dark brown liquor in the tumbler and staring down at it. “I remember staying away from a woman I cared about and running into her when we didn’t plan it. It made it easier.”

“Did it?” Jason asked flatly. “Which woman was that? Brenda? Carly? Sam?”

Sonny looked up at him sourly. “All of the above, to be honest. But I was thinking about Brenda. Jason—”

“I saw her. She thanked me for Cameron’s birthday gift. That was it. It’s nothing, Sonny. I’ll call Mateo and get the meeting set up—”

“Jase, I know you’re upset she stayed with Lucky after everything that happened—”

“I’m not upset—” Jason scowled, turning to find Sonny climbing back to his feet. “She always stays. I’m not even that surprised.”

“My mother always stayed with Deke,” Sonny murmured. Jason blinked, looked at him oddly. “It’s not the same, I know you’d say, but it’s not that different. Deke was verbally abusive first, but my mother didn’t leave him when he’d scream at her. She’d just tell me he had a stressful job, that he took care of us—that when he wasn’t angry, he was good to her.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Sonny—”

“I didn’t really understand it,” Sonny continued. “I mean, I know I never treated any of the women I was with right, but I don’t think I ever set out to hurt someone.” He shook his head, took another ship of his drink. “Until Carly. She and I never used our fists, but we tore each other to shreds in other ways, Jase. And we both turned away from people who were probably better for us.”

At Jason’s raised eyebrow, Sonny shook his head. “Not Sam. Alexis. Alexis expected too much of me. It was easier with Carly. Even when I was miserable.”

“Why?” Jason demanded. “Why choose to stay miserable than be happy?”

“Because misery is familiar. You get comfortable in it, understand how to breathe in it,” Sonny said. “Alexis was my best friend. We never got that back after all of that, you know? I ruined it by taking a chance and not being able to hold to it. We can barely stand in the same room together because of it.”

He was quiet for a long moment, pondering. “I didn’t know how to be the man that could make Alexis happy, but I knew how to be the man Carly hated.”

Sonny sighed again. “But going out into the unknown with someone who really matters—it’s terrifying, Jase. Some people can never take the leap.” He shrugged and went over to the minibar to refill his drink. “She stayed with Lucky because he’s the devil she knows. And maybe, if she’s like my mother, the devil she thinks she deserves.”

“That still doesn’t change the fact that she stayed.” But now Jason felt uncomfortable with that statement. Because there was truth to what Sonny was saying. The idea that Elizabeth had already tried to take a chance with him and Jason had let her down—

“No. But he’s still the devil,” Sonny said. “She’s scared, Jason. I don’t know what happened when you saw her on the docks, and I know you won’t tell me. But I’m asking you to think about how she looked and what she said.”

“What about it?”

“I’m worried about her,” Sonny admitted. “I saw the way Lucky exploded at the warehouse after the kidnapping, and I’ve heard the rumors about what happened at the hospital. That kind of rage—I never would have expected it of the boy I knew, but—” He grimaced, looking down at his drink. “But little boys grow up, and I don’t know or like the man nearly as much.”

Jason hesitated. He remembered now the way Lucky had looked when he’d first come home—when he’d attacked Jason with a knife. He knew how that Lucky had been under the effect of the Cassadine’s brainwashing, but Jason had worried about Elizabeth’s safety then.

Should he worry now?

“She’d tell me if—” Jason closed his mouth. Would she? “What am I supposed to do?”

“Be there if and when she calls. And pay attention—because she might not be able to dial the phone.” Sonny held out a second tumbler again. “You sure you don’t want that drink?”

General Hospital: Break Room

Elizabeth winced at the taste of the bitter, too strong coffee as she brought the styrofoam cup to her lips. “Seriously, Patrick. You’re supposed to be one of the best surgeons in the state. Can’t you pull rank and get us a coffee maker from this century?”

“I tried,” Patrick muttered darkly. “Alan has this thing about the struggle.” He set his vending machine sandwich down at the table and sat across from her. “I hate the night shift. Robin is out, having a good time at the bar while I’m here, toiling away in the darkness—”

“I couldn’t have gone even if I weren’t working,” Elizabeth said, with a shrug, “but I do miss tucking in Cam. He likes to sing the Spiderman song. And he’s not old enough to know I’m pretty tone-deaf.”

“Enjoy it while you can. My mother—” Patrick sighed, a wistful smile crossing his face. “She sounded like a cat screeching mostly. My dad can really sing, and he’d be out in the yard, belting one out, and she’d join in—” He laughed at the memory. “Man, it used to piss him off. She did it on purpose.”

“That sounds like a sweet memory. How long has she been gone?”

“About ten years,” Patrick said. He picked at the sandwich. “Dad was always an alcoholic, but functional, you know? Someone who knew how to play the game. He stopped pretending anything else mattered when she died.” He shook his head. “I never understood how you could give up your entire life because you lost someone. I knew he loved her, but…”

“It shakes you to lose someone you’d planned forever with,” Elizabeth murmured. “Your world shatters into a million little pieces. You can’t ever put it back together the right away. The pieces don’t fit together. There’s always something missing.”

Patrick nodded. “Robin said something about a fire when you were a teenager. Lucky being gone for a year. Something with the Cassadines. That must have been rough.”

“It was, but we got a miracle. He’d been kidnapped, and he came home to us.” But her smile felt false.

“Yeah, a real miracle.” Patrick wiped his hands, shoved aside his makeshift dinner. “Listen, Elizabeth, I know I said I wouldn’t get involved—”

“Did you?” Elizabeth pursed her lips. “I don’t remember that.”

“And it’s not like Robin, and I are talking behind your back. We’re just—” He focused his dark brown eyes on her. “We’re worried. We saw the bruises. Before the kidnapping. And I saw the way he treated you. I know Robin took photos. She won’t tell me anything else—”

“She…” Elizabeth licked her lips. “She didn’t tell you about the conversation we had before Lucky came home?”

You think you deserve this. That you had this coming. That even though you know better, that you almost understand why Lucky did what he did. After all, he saw the truth, didn’t he?

“She said she’d talked to you. She hoped you’d tell someone else who might be able to convince you to leave, but she didn’t think you would. And we both agreed we wouldn’t tell each other anything you said to us. Because you needed to trust us.”

Her throat thickened, and Elizabeth looked down into her mud-brown coffee, blinking away tears. “I—I do.”

“Okay. Then answer me honestly—are you okay?”

Elizabeth closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and looked at him. “No. But I’m trying to be.”

“Okay,” Patrick repeated. “He hasn’t…it hasn’t happened again?”

“N-No. He’s going to anger management.” She smiled faintly. “You and Robin should do more talking because she asked the same question. I guess she’s worried. He goes Tuesday and Thursdays. He’s been going for two weeks.”

“Well, I guess that’s something.” Patrick sighed. “I just—”

“I broke our deal,” Elizabeth said in a rush of words—words she hadn’t even known she was going to say. “I did it. He promised me he’d go to counseling, and I promised him Jason was gone.”

Patrick grimaced. “I had to ask,” he muttered to himself. “Elizabeth—”

“I didn’t—nothing happened,” Elizabeth added quickly. “But I saw him on the docks, and I stopped him. He didn’t come to me. I saw him, and I just—” She pressed her fingers to her lips. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. You don’t need any of this.”

“No,” Patrick said, “but you obviously need to say it, and who the hell am I going to tell?” He reached forward, took her hands in his, drawing them away from her face. “Elizabeth.”

“I did it. I have an affair with Jason. Not physically—except, yes, I did. We kissed. A few times—” She cleared her throat. “And if he’d asked me to leave Lucky, I think—I think I might have.”

“But he didn’t.”

“I asked him to,” Elizabeth confessed in a soft voice. “Sort of. We have this—I don’t know. It’s this thing we kept saying to each other. Sam asked him if he was still in love with me. He told her he didn’t know. And she asked if I was in love with him, and he said he’d never asked me. I told him—I said if you ask, I’ll tell you.”

“And he didn’t ask,” Patrick added when Elizabeth said nothing. “So, you didn’t tell him.”

“Every time I see him, I think this time he’ll do it, this time he’ll ask—”

“Why does he have to?” her friend asked with more gentleness than she’d expected from him. “Why can’t you just tell him?”

“Because—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Because I can’t. If I say it, you can’t take it back.”

Patrick just stared at her. “Okay, I don’t get it. Why would you take it back?”

“I—” Elizabeth drew away abruptly, shoving herself to her feet. “It doesn’t matter. I’m married. And I’m breaking the deal. I’m wrong here. Lucky—it’s not perfect, but he’s doing what I asked him to. It’s just—” She sighed. “We’re broken. No matter what we do, it can’t be fixed.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Tonight, I was trying to think of things we could do together, and he kept shooting me down.” She bit her lip. “It’s like he can tell I’m just going through the motions, and he gets angry—”

“Does he?” Patrick asked flatly.

“N-Not like that. I wouldn’t be there if it was, but—” She sighed. “I said from the beginning, I couldn’t stay forever, and I just told Luke that I can’t stay. But I don’t know what I’m waiting for. I don’t know what’s going to change—”

She paused, pressed her lips together. “I think I thought he’d go to counseling, and it would be a switch. Like—” She looked at him. “He’d come home, and he’d look at me, and he’d be the boy I loved again. Or he’d be, at least, the man that proposed to me. The one I promised to love forever. Because I could live with that. I could make that work—”

“And that is bullshit,” Patrick told her. “Because you still wouldn’t love him.”

She sighed, looking at him but said nothing.

“Something is broken,” he said, echoing her earlier. “The boy he was, the man you married, he’s never coming home again, Elizabeth. He’s gone. Because no matter how much he changes or works, he will always be the man who abused you.”

She closed her eyes. “I know. I know that—”

“I’ve never been in love before,” he told her. He stood. “Never even tried it before Robin. But I swear to God, the second it makes me as miserable as you look right now, I’d walk. You’re not doing either of you any good. No one is happy in this situation. You think Lucky is happy?”

“I—” Elizabeth furrowed her brow. “No, but—”

“You think you’re doing him a favor by making yourself miserable and staying? You think he doesn’t see that you’re not in love with him? And that part is your fault, Elizabeth. Because you stayed with a man you don’t love, threw away the one you do, and now you’re torturing yourself trying to make sense of it. You can’t. You know that.”

“I—” Her voice trembled. “Patrick—”

“I’m just—I don’t get it, Elizabeth. Is this is love? Because if it is, then why the hell do you want it? Why would anyone?”

“For better or worse,” she breathed after a long moment. “I made a promise. It matters. I had to try—”

“Did it work?” Patrick asked her.

She sighed. “No. No, it didn’t.”

“Then what are you waiting for?”

“I—” Elizabeth paused. “He’ll be back at the PCPD full-time next week on desk duty. I promised Luke I’d stick until at least then.”

Patrick muttered, but she put a hand over his clenched fist. “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know, Patrick. I already know it’s over. I think I’m just scared to take the final step, you know? Because I’m afraid—”

She bit her lip. “He did everything I asked him, too. He went to counseling. He’s trying, and I guess—I feel guilty. Because I’m not sure if I tried. I think I meant to. I know I tried to do things together, but the last few times, he refused — and I was relieved.”

“Elizabeth—”

“My marriage is over,” Elizabeth said. “But I think I’m afraid of what happens next.”

“If you want me in the room when you tell him—if you just want someone—” Patrick arched his brows. “All you need to do is ask.”

“Thank you.” She offered him a smile. “For everything. I know you’re new at this friend thing, but you’re doing a pretty good job.”

Kelly’s: Kitchen

Maxie Jones grimaced as she untied her apron and tossed it on the counter. “How did I get talked into working at this pit?” she demanded, spinning to face her boyfriend with her hands on her hips.

“Well, you wracked up like fifteen grand in credit card debt your first semester at PCU,” Jesse reminded her with a shrug. He tossed her the jacket she’d hung on the rung. “Can we get out of here?”

“Yeah, sure.” Maxie frowned as she followed him back into the diner. “Just let me finish dealing with my receipts—”

“Maxie—”

“Chill out. It’ll take like five seconds. Sit right there,” she said, nodding at the counter, “and tell me what crawled up your ass.” She arched a finely plucked brow. “Or that ass is going home alone.”

“I just—” He shook his head. “Seeing Lucky last night at the apartment, struggling to deal with the rehab. He came into train on the office software today. He’s doing everything right, you know? And that—” He scowled. “That bitch isn’t even bothering to appreciate it.”

Maxie frowned, set the pile of receipts down. “What? What are you talking about? Liz wasn’t even home last night—she was working—” And she was really not into this side of him. He’d been bitchy about Elizabeth for weeks. Sure — she’d screwed around on her husband, but that was Lucky and Elizabeth’s business.

“Yeah. Again. She’s never around when I go to see Lucky. And today?” He shook his head with disgust. “I saw her on the docks with Jason Morgan again.”

His voice was a bit too loud on that last one, and Maxie saw a few heads at another table glance in their direction. “Jesse—”

“I didn’t hear what they said,” Jesse continued, “but I saw the way they were looking at each other. You know?”

“I do, but—”

“And he touched her face—you don’t touch a married woman—anyone touches your face like that, I’ll rip their fucking arm off—”

“Jesse—” Maxie liked gossip as much as anyone, but there was a difference between gossip and making a scene. Bobbie had told her if she caused one more scene in Kelly’s, she’d have to let her go. Maxie hated this job, but she needed the money. “Calm down—”

“It’s just—isn’t Lucky dealing with enough? This is her fault, isn’t it?”

“I guess—”

Jesse frowned at her. “What do you mean, you guess? If she’d stayed away from Morgan, this never would have happened.”

“I mean, I guess, maybe that’s technically true.” Uncomfortable, Maxie shifted. “In one of my classes, though, we talked about victim-blaming, and like Mac said Manny had a long list of missing women around him—like maybe he really did target Elizabeth—”

“Please. Who is going to target Elizabeth Spencer out of all the other women in this town?” Jesse rolled his eyes. “I mean, do you really think that?”

Maxie bit her lip. “I don’t know. It makes it more Jason’s fault. Elizabeth—” When Jesse’s eyes flashed, she shook her head. “No, no, I agree with you, Jesse. I’m just saying. It’s not just her fault, okay?”

“No, it’s not. But it’s not Lucky’s, and he’s the only one suffering.”

“No, I know. It sucks.” And this Maxie did agree about. She didn’t feel one way or another about Elizabeth Webber, but Jesse did. And he seemed to be irritated that she didn’t. So she forced herself to scowl. “I mean, it’s kind of trashy of her to, like, still be sleeping with the guy that nearly got her husband killed.”

“Right!” Jesse slapped his hand on the counter, and a patron at the end jumped. “Do you think Lucky knows?”

“Um, I don’t know—”

“I should tell him.” Jesse fished out his phone. “He’s at a stupid counseling session, did you know that? That bitch had the nerve to demand he go to marital counseling.”

“Really?” Maxie furrowed her brow. “They’re in marriage counseling? Tonight? Because I thought Robin told me she was going to Jake’s with Emily. She invited me, but I had to work, and I asked about Elizabeth, and Robin said she had to work the night shift—”

“Probably a lie. He’s going to counseling alone then. He’s the one trying to save their marriage, and she’s probably off rolling in the sheets—” He scrolled down to Lucky’s number.

This was a side of Jesse that Maxie didn’t entirely like. He was just so angry. And he’d been mad at Elizabeth since the night of the kidnapping. She’d enjoyed the gossip around it at first, but it had been weeks ago. Wasn’t it time to move on? Jesse was taking this so personally—like he was married to Elizabeth.

“Jesse, why does this bother you so much?”

“He’s a brother in blue, Maxie. Come on! He deserves better than some whore who ruined his life and cheated on him with a hitman.” Jesse rolled his eyes.

“Enforcer,” Maxie corrected without thinking, the way she had grown up listening to Robin do the same when Mac had made the same mistake. Jesse glared at her. “Sorry, sorry. But there’s a difference, and—” When Jesse did not look amused, she sighed. “That’s not important.”

“Damn right, it’s not.” Jesse got off the stool and started for the alley as he got Lucky’s voice mail. “Hey, man, it’s Jesse. Look, I saw something on the docks you should know about…”

“Do you think it’s true?” the lady at the end of the counter asked as Maxie turned back to her receipts.

“Huh, what?” Maxie blinked. “What?”

“Elizabeth Spencer. Still having that affair.” The woman sighed, propping her head on her chin. “I know she shouldn’t, but there’s something about a bad boy.”

Maxie narrowed her eyes. Her mother had had a taste for the bad boy. Had destroyed a perfectly good marriage to chase after Luke Spencer. “There’s something about the marriage vows, too,” she snapped. “It’d be nice if Elizabeth remembered that.”

“Of course.” The woman smiled uneasily. “Of course. It’s all so terrible.” Her phone rang. “Oh, Gracie—oh, you’ll never believe what I just heard…”

Damn it, Maxie thought as the woman proceeded to tell her friend everything she and Jesse had said to each other. She looked out the diner uneasily as she realized a lot of the patrons were looking at her, then whispering. Oh, man—

Well. Maxie squared her shoulders. If Elizabeth didn’t want people talking about her, she should stop having her affairs in public.

Jake’s: Bar

Robin laughed as she and Emily stumbled through the door of their second bar that evening. “How come you didn’t tell me that Club 101 is owned by Carly?”

“In my defense,” Emily said as she leaned over to prop up the third member of their group, Nadine Crowell, who had enjoyed herself too much at the first bar, “I didn’t know she’d bought back into the club.”

“I did,” Lainey Winters, a psychiatrist at the hospital, volunteered from the back of their group. “But I forgot that it mattered.”

“Well, at least we got to drink,” Kelly Lee declared as she pushed forward and scanned the bar for a table. “We’ll get the table,” she told Robin. “You and Em are the only ones not slurring your words. Go get the drinks.”

“Pretty sure that’s not how that works,” Robin complained, but the two of them peeled off from the pack and headed for the bar. She stopped short as she and Emily came closer to the men slouched over drinks. “Em—”

“What?” Emily waved the smoke away from her face. She always forgot how dirty this place was—

“Isn’t that Lucky—”

“What, no, of course—” Emily closed her mouth as she followed Robin’s arm and saw the familiar silhouette of her childhood best friend. “It can’t be.” She looked down at her watch. “It’s nine. He’s supposed to be at anger management.”

“Where did Elizabeth say he was going?”

“He found a group meeting at Mercy,” Emily murmured. “It was for people worked late—” She sighed. “Give me a second, I want to see if I can—” Emily held up her hand and was relieved to see the bartender serving that night was Coleman. He’d remember her from her previous visits. She caught his eye and gave him a nod—

Coleman extricated himself from his customers, grinning as he joined them. “Well, if it’s not my favorite bar fighter,” he said with a laugh. “You here to wreck my place again, kiddo?”

“No, we’re just out for some drinks. But, um…” Emily gestured at Lucky. “Is this his first time here?”

Coleman followed her gaze. “Spencer? Nah. He’s a regular. Since he got out of the hospital. Every Tuesday and Thursday. You need anything? I’ll send over some drinks for you, girls.” He touched her shoulder, then left them.

Emily and Robin exchanged a troubled look, but Emily frowned, realizing that Robin didn’t just look annoyed—she looked upset. “Robin, is there something I should know?”

“I—” Robin shook her head. “Not from me. But Elizabeth needs—she needs to know Lucky isn’t going to counseling. He promised her.”

“I—I know that.” Emily hesitated. “I’ll catch her tomorrow before the end of her shift. And before my begins.” She managed a weak smile. “I don’t feel much like drinking anymore.”

“Me either, but I’m sure the others will take our share,” Robin said dryly as they returned to their table. Emily put away Lucky’s presence but kept an eye on him for the next few hours. He left around midnight without even once realizing she was there.

There was definitely something going on that she didn’t understand, and Emily was determined to get to the bottom of it.

I want to hide the truth
I want to shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide
No matter what we breed
We still are made of greed
This is my kingdom come
– Demons, Imagine Dragons

---

Friday, May 12, 2006

General Hospital: Locker Room

“Hey, I was hoping to catch you.”

Elizabeth blinked up at her best friend as Emily took a seat next to her. “Hey. I thought your shift wasn’t for another hour.” She stifled a yawn. She hated the night shift and was grateful this had been the last one.

“It’s not, but I always have paperwork.” Emily unlocked her locker and pulled open the door. “I need to talk to you.”

“Is something wrong?” Elizabeth tossed her flats on the floor and slid her feet out of the sneakers she’d worn for her shift.

Emily bit her lip. “You told me Lucky has anger management twice a week.”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth sighed. “I don’t think it’s helping, but maybe in a few more weeks—”

“He’s not going.”

Emily’s words tumbled out over Elizabeth’s own, cutting her off in mid-statement. Elizabeth pressed her lips together and just stared at her friend. “What? What are you talking about?”

“I went to Jake’s last night with Robin and the others. And—Lucky was there.”

“So he went after his session—”

“Elizabeth—it was only nine. I thought you said his group therapy was from eight to ten?” Emily sighed. “I called some friends at Mercy. I know they’re not supposed to know these things, but well, Lucky’s face was in the paper. The guy who leads the meeting said Lucky went to the first one and never went back.”

“I don’t—” Elizabeth just stared at her. “This doesn’t make sense. He—he promised. He was going. Twice a week—are you telling me—”

“I asked Coleman. He told Lucky’s a new regular. Every Tuesday and Thursday. The same nights you told me he was at counseling.” Emily tilted her head. “You really didn’t suspect?”

“No, I—” Her throat closed as Elizabeth struggled to take a deep breath. “No, I just—I trusted him. I shouldn’t have. Obviously.” Why had she trusted him? After everything he’d done, how could she have trusted his word? Had she felt that guilty over her plans to leave?

“Elizabeth—” Emily didn’t say anything right away, but when it was clear Elizabeth wasn’t going to speak, Emily continued. “What are you going to do?”

“Do?” Elizabeth blinked at her blankly. “Oh.” She shoved her hair behind her ears. “I—I don’t know. I just—He promised,” she repeated. And did it matter? She was leaving.

So what if he hadn’t kept his promise to go to counseling? Was it more of a betrayal than hers?

“You know, Lucky’s been my friend longer than anyone else in Port Charles, but I just—” Emily shook her head. “I didn’t think you should stay before, Elizabeth. You asked Lucky for this one thing, and he couldn’t follow through.” She bit her lip. “Are things okay at home? I mean, are you guys still arguing the way you were? I know you had a bad night at Luke’s, but—””

“No.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “No,” she repeated. “Not like before. And yeah, he…he broke his promise.”

So did I.

And maybe that was why Elizabeth couldn’t quite push herself to be angry, to be anything more than slightly stunned. She’d asked Lucky to deal with his anger so that he wouldn’t abuse her.

He hadn’t touched her. Maybe he’d lied about counseling, but he’d kept that part of the promise.

And Elizabeth hadn’t kept her promise to keep Jason out of her life even a little bit. Both times she’d run into him had been an accident, but it didn’t change the fact that she’d been happy to see him. That she hadn’t wanted to walk away from him—she hadn’t been able to keep Jason out of her heart or her mind.

How was she any better than Lucky? He’d lied to her, but how was she any better?

“It’s not that simple, Em,” Elizabeth said finally. “I’ll—I’ll talk to him. He wanted to put it off until after the first round of rehab—”

“He lied to you—”

“I-I know. But—” She got to her feet. “I’ll talk to him,” she repeated. “Thank you for telling me. I’ll deal with it.”

“Okay,” Emily said warily. She sighed. “We still good for the carnival tomorrow?”

“Oh. Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. I’ll see you at the park.” Elizabeth picked up her purse. “Cameron is looking forward to it. Leticia’s going to bring Michael and Morgan, and I told Cam Morgan could spend the night with us for a change.”

Emily wrinkled her nose. “Does Lucky have a problem with it?”

“I don’t know, I didn’t ask him,” Elizabeth said flatly. “Cam’s been begging to have Morgan overnight, and it’s Sonny’s weekend with the boys, so he didn’t mind.” She pursed her lips. “ Don’t mention it to Lucky? I mean, about Sonny. He’s mostly okay with Cam being friends with Morgan when Carly is the only contact. If he thinks I’m talking to Sonny—”

“He’ll think you’re talking to Jason,” Emily finished. “Yeah, got it.” She raised her brows. “Have you? Talked to Jason, I mean.”

“I—” She was too tired for this, her head still swirling from Emily’s earlier reveal. “Not really. I have to go. I’ll see you later, Em.”

“Elizabeth—”

But Elizabeth had already pulled open the door to the locker room and left.

Corinthos-Morgan Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Sonny grimaced as he stalked in from his morning meeting, tugging at his tie. He turned back to glare at Jason. “This is why you don’t let family in the business. Eventually, you get a fucking Fredo.”

Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “Mateo sounded like he wouldn’t mind if we took care of the problem—”

“Oh sure,” Sonny muttered. He eyed his mini bar but decided ten in the morning was too early for alcohol. “Do his dirty work, so when his sister complains about her son going missing, it’ll be on us, not him. Oldest trick in the book—”

“If Santiago insists on selling outside the Escobar’s boundaries,” Jason said, with a shake of his head, “then he’s got it coming. We could just send a warning, Sonny, but it might not be enough. The Escobars are pushing their luck. They’re trying to get at Kelly’s, there were those kids at the high school and Luke’s. They never stay where you put them. This is the same crap Moreno pulled.”

“And Sorel. Why don’t they ever learn?” Sonny scowled. “Start with a warning. Call Dougie. Find Santiago Escobar and make it worth his while to leave town.”

“Won’t someone else just take over for him?” Jason asked as the door opened, and Max came in with the tray of coffees he’d brought back from Kelly’s.

“Hey, Mr. C. Jase.” Max held out Jason’s coffee. Once Jason had it in his hand, Max tossed the container in the nearby trash, but didn’t leave. “Uh, Jase, not that I comment on your personal life—”

Jason frowned. “What?”

“I don’t listen to gossip either, but while I was picking up the order at Kelly’s…” Max shifted, looked at the two men, “I heard Maxie Jones talking with her boyfriend, that cop kid. They were talking about you and Miss Webber. On the docks.”

Jason winced. “When?” he asked. “I mean—what exactly did they say?”

“Uh,” Max hesitated, his nervous eyes darting back and forth between his bosses. “The cop saw you guys, but he didn’t know what you said. He thought that Lucky Spencer was gonna tear the roof off the place when his wife got home from work—”

“Beaudry thinks Lucky knows?” Sonny cut in. “Max—”

“Yeah, I think so. He called him this morning. Or left a voice mail last night. I don’t know. I couldn’t really tell. I just—” Max shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I don’t know, I just thought it was something you should know, Jase. In case Miss Webber should know.”

“Thanks,” Jason said as he pulled out his phone and contemplated his list of contacts.

“Jason—” Sonny said as Max left. “This isn’t your fault—”

“I know that. We ran into each other by accident,” Jason murmured. But they hadn’t walked away. She’d called after him—

And he’d answered.

His thumb hovered over her name, but he didn’t press it. Instead, he scrolled one name down. “Em? Yeah. Is Elizabeth still at work—Damn it. When did she leave? Okay.” He sighed. “Can you meet me—no? Okay. I’ll come to you. Yeah, it’s important. I don’t want to get into it on the phone.”

“You’re not even going to tell her yourself?” Sonny asked, his brows raised in surprise as Jason slid his cell phone into his pocket. “You’re wasting your time—”

“I’m not going to make it worse. Elizabeth worked the night shift. She’s already home. What if I call her now, with Lucky at home? It’s already too late to warn her. And I don’t know who’s at the hospital around Emily—”

“Jason—”

“I’ll send Dougie to take care of Santiago,” Jason promised. “But first, I need to go talk to Emily. Maybe Max misunderstood. Maybe—”

But he couldn’t stop himself from remembering Sonny’s warning the day before, and the anger he’d seen for himself the day Elizabeth had been kidnapped—

He didn’t want to make it worse, but he needed to do something.

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Hallway

Elizabeth stifled a yawn as she shoved her key into the lock, but the door was jerked open before she was able to turn it. Stunned, she stared at the angry, red face of her husband as he grabbed her arm and yanked her inside, his fingers latching onto her wrist like a clamp.

“What the—”

Lucky released her just as quickly as he’d grabbed her. He flung her past him into the apartment. Elizabeth stumbled, dropping her purse. It fell to the ground, upending her wallet, cosmetics, and other random things she kept in the bag.

Her mind scrambled to adjust, trying to think through her exhaustion and confusion.

“Lucky—What the hell is going on—”

“I should ask you that, you goddamn bitch!” Lucky slammed the door shut. “I just got a call from Jesse—”

Elizabeth blinked, took a step back. “What are you talking about—”

“He saw you, Elizabeth,” Lucky said, drawing out her name like it was a condemnation. “On the docks. With Jason.”

She put up her hands, still trying to clear her head. She was so tired—she just wanted to make this go away. “Okay. I should have told you. I—I ran into him yesterday before work. It wasn’t planned, but I just—he gave Cameron a birthday present—” Damn it. She bit her tongue, wishing she could pull the words back. Why had she said that? His eyes went flat.

“Where?” He spun on his heel and stalked towards Cameron’s room, shoving the door open. He started to fling things around.

Stunned, her heart racing, Elizabeth followed him. She wanted him out of her son’s bedroom. “It’s not here—I didn’t bring it here. I left it at Carly’s—” She gasped as he took Cameron’s toy organizer and flipped it over, the bright yellow storage bins spilling out across the carpet.

“Lucky, stop!”

“Is that where you’ve been meeting him?” Lucky demanded. He turned again, so suddenly that Elizabeth stumbled backward into the door frame.

Get out, get out. He had that light in his eyes again. Damn it. Get out.

But she couldn’t quite make her feet move as Lucky’s blue eyes glared at her, the veins in his neck bulging. “N-No, that was the first time I’ve seen him since the hospital last month—”

“Liar! You’re always lying!” Lucky screamed, his voice nearly shrill. Elizabeth managed to slide just slightly to the left and through the doorway back into the living room. She hurried over to where her purse was still on the ground.

Shaking, she bent down to shove things back inside. “Stop—”

He grabbed her, jerking her to feet, knocking the purse out of her hand again. Lucky gripped both her shoulders and shook her hard.

“Stop! You promised!” Elizabeth cried. She shoved him back as hard she could, and Lucky, already off balance, fell backward to the floor. He glared to her, rolling to his side and sitting up. He shook his head as if to clear it.

Taking advantage of the moment, Elizabeth shoved her keys and wallet back into her purse, leaving the rest of her purse’s contents on the ground. Her hands shaking, she gripped her keys in her hands. “I know you’re not going to anger management!” she cried. “Emily saw you! You’ve been drinking at a bar the last two weeks!”

“So what?” Lucky snarled. “You lied to me!” He stood up and advanced on her. Elizabeth hastily moved away, trying to move around the sofa so she could circle him and get to the front door.

She never should have come back. Never should have given him a second chance.

“It’s not the same! I talked to Jason for five minutes! You’ve been lying for two weeks! I asked you for one thing, Lucky! One!” Tears streaming down her face, she shook her head. “You promised you wouldn’t hurt me—”

“I tried to go to the stupid meeting! But it wouldn’t work! It was never going to work!” Lucky’s chest was heaving as he screamed at her. “I’m tired of being the only one who’s wrong! It’s never your fault!”

Elizabeth made a dash for the door, trying to get around him —

Lucky grabbed her around the waist, wrapping one arm around her hips, and the other around her shoulders. Her mind froze for a second and then she started desperately clawing at his hands, screaming—

“Shut up, shut up!” Lucky shoved her away from him hard, and Elizabeth went flying toward the kitchen—

Slamming into the same doorway that had started all of this terror—

She hit it face first again, then slumped to the ground, dazed.

Again.

She closed her eyes, let her head rest back against the wooden door frame, and just waited for whatever would come next.

“Why do you make me do this?” Lucky cried. She could only dimly make out his voice from behind her as her vision wavered. “Why do you make me hurt you? You said you loved me! I know you don’t! You made me like this!”

She heard him sobbing behind her, but Elizabeth couldn’t quite gather herself. Couldn’t quite summon the energy to get up. She just wanted it over.

She heard the door slam.

Minutes passed before Elizabeth finally managed to get to her feet. She made her way into the bathroom where she looked at her face—and didn’t know whether to laugh or cry when she realized that she hadn’t hurt herself as badly as the first time. There was no red mark—she might not even bruise. There was no evidence

Her cheeks were tear-stained, her eyes were bloodshot. She’d known she was going to leave—

She should have never come back.

Her phone was ringing. Elizabeth blinked at the sound, then took a deep breath. She was starting to come back to herself, beginning to adjust again. She went into the living room and found her phone in her purse.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Em. I just wanted—” Emily paused. “You okay, Elizabeth?”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth pressed her other hand to her cheek, took another breath. She cleared her throat. “Just tired. What’s up?”

“Jason is here. He said he wanted to tell you that Jesse Beaudry saw you talking to him on the docks. He thinks he told Lucky—he didn’t want to warn you himself—”

Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Yeah, I know. He just left.”

“Oh.” There was a long pause. “You’re sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah, we—” Her voice caught as she looked around the living room, at the contents of her purse, still mostly on the floor. At the mess in Cameron’s room, the toys strewn across the floor. The pillows from the sofa on the floor. The missing lamp, shattered the month before and never replaced.

“We had a fight. He left.”

“I can get someone to cover my shift—”

“No.” Elizabeth sighed, rubbed her forehead. “No. That’s okay. I’m okay.”

As she said the words, she knew they were a lie. But it was a lie she needed right now. She’d returned to an abusive marriage with a man who she didn’t love.

Maybe she did deserve what she’d gotten.

No. No.

She was done with all of that. She was done blaming herself, pretending that everything that had just happened was her fault.

She was just done. It was time to stop. It was time to think about what she needed.

What she wanted.

“Elizabeth—”

“Can you—” Elizabeth paused. “Can you ask Jason if—is he still there? Can I talk to him?”

“Uh, yeah, yeah—” She heard a muffled voice, then some rustling before Jason’s voice was on the line.

“Elizabeth?”

Some of the chill left her bones as she listened to him say her name. She’d always loved the way he said it. She didn’t even think about what she said next—for once, she just acted. “Can I see you?”

“What?”

“Can I see you?” Elizabeth repeated. She closed her eyes. “I understand if you don’t want—”

“No, no—I mean, yeah. Yes. When? Where?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore. Now, if you can. Just not—” She looked around the apartment, at the place she’d thought was supposed to be safe. “Just not at my place. Can I come see you? At the penthouse?”

“Yeah. I can be there in twenty minutes. Elizabeth—”

“I’ll see you then.”

She didn’t wait for him to respond, just closed the phone and shoved it in her bag. She looked around at the apartment for the third time, left everything exactly as it was, and left.

Courtland Street

Lucky was practically vibrating with rage, his hands shaking as he shoved open his car door and stalked towards the alley where Santiago could be found this time of day. His body felt like it was on fire, his heart racing.

Everything was burning—his brain, his arms, his back—he just wanted it to stop—he wanted to the pain to stop—the screaming in his head that he’d ruined his life—that Elizabeth would never ever come back to him now—that he’d thrown it all way—

Fuck her! Fuck her! She was the one who cheated! She’d broken her promise before she’d even known he was lying! And he didn’t need any fucking help. If she’d just keep her goddamn legs closed and stay away from fucking Jason Morgan, Lucky wouldn’t be so damn angry all the time—

“Yo, Spencer, you better not be here for a refill,” Santiago offered with a smirk as he nodded to the woman—probably a hooker—who sauntered down towards the other opening in the alley. “I just gave you enough for a week! And you still owe—”

“Shut the fuck up, asshole—” Lucky grabbed the dealer by the collar and shoved him against the wall. “If I wanted to, I could shut your ass down tonight!”

“Big talk from a junkie—” But Santiago’s flat eyes were a bit more nervous now, jumping back and forth. “What do you want, man?”

“The good stuff. I need more. The pills aren’t enough.” Lucky flung him away. “And stop giving me that shit about owing you. I told you, you’ll get paid—”

“I keep giving away the product, my uncle is gonna be bitchy.” Santiago climbed to his feet, brushing off his jacket. “You gotta pay up—”

“The fuck did I just say, asshole?” Lucky shoved him backward again. He needed this to go away. He needed it to all disappear now. “Give me my shit!”

“Fine, fine, fine.” Santiago dug into his pocket and pulled out a bag. He shoved it at Lucky. “But you don’t pay this time, I’m not responsible for what happens. I gotta break even with my uncle—”

“Just get the fuck away from me,” Lucky muttered as he shoved the bag into his pocket and lurched unevenly away from him, back towards the street and his car.

When he was out of earshot, Santiago scowled and pulled out his phone. “Yo, Hector. It’s time to send that cop a message.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason hadn’t reached the Towers yet when Elizabeth arrived, so she had expected to wait down in the lobby. Instead, one of the guards told her she’d been cleared for the top floor and went upstairs with her to let her into the penthouse alone.

She hadn’t been inside the penthouse since the day after Emily’s fever broke, and she’d rushed to tell Jason, sure that the night of comfort and closeness they’d shared in the chapel was a sign…of something. Instead, she’d found a belligerent Courtney jumping down her throat. And only weeks before, Sam hadn’t let her over the threshold, deciding to scream at her in the hallway.

Elizabeth had never expected to set foot in this apartment again, especially not alone. She was too nervous, too upset to sit down, so she just paced the penthouse from the balcony windows to the door, then back.

The same path she’d often tread during those long nights she’d spent in the penthouse alone nearly four years ago.

Just when Elizabeth had made up her mind to leave, convinced she’d made a terrible mistake, she heard Jason’s key in the door.

Fidgeting, Elizabeth checked her sleeves to make sure they were down to her wrists, then wrapped her arms around her waist.

“Hey, I’m sorry—” Jason closed the door as he stepped inside, tossing his keys on the desk. Then he just stood there, several feet away from her. “I ran into traffic—”

“It’s okay. Um, one of the guys said I should wait inside. I hope that’s okay—”

“I called ahead,” Jason cut in, with a shake of his head. “I didn’t want you to—” He cleared his throat. “I didn’t want you to sit in the lobby. In case anyone—I mean, I don’t know if it matters if anyone sees you—”

He sounded flustered Unsure. She could count on one hand how often she’d heard him sound that way. But he was looking at her, and he didn’t seem irritated to see her.

Elizabeth licked her lips. “Um, I don’t even know why I—I wasn’t going to call you, I mean. It wasn’t my plan. But Emily called me, and she said you were with her, and I just—” Her voice faltered as she swallowed hard. “I don’t know. I thought if I could hear your voice, it would be okay.”

Her lip trembled, and she bit down. She didn’t want to fall apart. It wasn’t fair to Jason for her to walk away from him, then bring Lucky to his doorstep. Not again. “I’m sorry—”

“Don’t be sorry—” He took a step towards her. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” Elizabeth admitted. “I just—I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I know you hate when I say that, but I just—I’m standing here, and this is all so unfair to you, you know? Because I—I know what was going on with us, and I stopped it. I said it had to stop. And I know you think I always choose Lucky—I do, but—” She pressed her hands to her face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t do this to you.” Her shoulders started to tremble, but still—she fought the tears.

She just was so damn tired of crying.

“Hey.” Then he was in front of her, touching her shoulder and gently tugging her forward, pulling her into his arms. Elizabeth didn’t fight it—let herself fall against him, her face pressed into his chest, against the clean, smooth cotton of his t-shirt.

She felt his hand in her hair, his arms winding around her. She drank in his scent, in the warmth of his embrace—

Then the tears fell. It wasn’t a storm—she didn’t rage. Just a quiet release of sorrow—trickles of tears down her cheeks, dripping from her chin, sinking into his chest.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Jason asked after a long while when the tears had passed.

Elizabeth sighed, then drew back, using the heels of her hands to wipe at her eyes. “No. Not really. You probably already know it. You were with Emily—” She backed up a few steps to lean against the arm of the sofa. Her breath was shaky, but she was through the worst of it. At least for now.

“Emily told me this morning that she saw Lucky at Jake’s last night. He’d—he’d lied to me. I told him—I made him promise me that if I stayed, he had to go to anger management. He tried to put it off, but I told him—he knew it was a big deal to me.” Elizabeth looked away. Jason didn’t need to know why it was a big deal. “I mean, you know how bad it was after the kidnapping, how he blamed me. He’s been angry for months—and I—I just—it had to stop. Or there was no point in pretending.”

“But he didn’t go last night?”

“No. Emily found out he’d gone to a meeting, but then didn’t go back.” Elizabeth sighed. “I don’t know what I was going to say to him. I guess—I mean, Emily told me he’d been lying to me, and all I could think—” Elizabeth looked at him, saw that he understood where she was going. “I broke my promise to him, too.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Elizabeth—”

“I nearly forgave him. In my own head, before I even asked him about it,” Elizabeth said. She laughed a bit, startled at her own realization. “Because I saw you yesterday, and I didn’t walk away. And in my head, it felt like it was the same thing.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “God, how pathetic am I? Patrick was right. I did this to myself.”

She looked at Jason again, who hadn’t said anything, just listened to her patiently. “I thought—I broke my promise to him, so maybe he deserves a chance to explain himself, you know? Maybe there’s a reason. I thought—God, I thought—But I didn’t think about it. I didn’t even really want to think about why I broke it. I—” She squeezed her eyes shut. “I just—I saw you. And I missed you. And I was tired of missing you, and I hate myself for it—”

“Don’t—” Jason broke off in the middle of what he was going to say. “Why?”

“Because I promised.” Her voice broke. She opened her eyes again to find his. “I’m not—I can’t—I married him, Jason. I meant my promises then. They have to mean something.”

“Do they mean anything to him?” Jason asked, his voice low and a bit raspy. “Was he killing himself to keep them? “

“No,” Elizabeth admitted. A tear slid down her cheek, and she shoved it away. “No, but I’m tired of making promises that no one else seems to give a damn about.” She shoved away from the sofa and stalked across the room to stare out over the harbor. “Maybe I just wanted to make it a whole year. My second marriage and it barely hit six months. I think I always knew Ric was a mistake. But Lucky—that wasn’t supposed to end up like this.”

“Elizabeth—”

“And it’s stupid, I know it, to kill myself over this. Because I don’t love him anymore.” Some of the tightness in her chest eased as she admitted it finally. “I knew that weeks ago. I knew I was going to leave. But I needed to keep my promise. I did try. I did everything. I stayed away from you. I tried to be nice to his friends, even the ones I know hate me. I tried so hard, and it just never mattered to him—and I just—he didn’t love me. Not really. Not who I really am.” She pressed her hands to her mouth. “Why is it so hard to love me?”

“It’s not—”

She hadn’t heard him cross the room, but Jason was behind her. He turned her to face him and, again, pulled her against him, more roughly this time as if it was painful to listen to her. It probably was. How many times had she tortured him with Lucky over the years?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I can’t keep doing this to you. You deserve better than this—”

“Don’t tell me what I deserve—”

“But you do.” She drew away from him again. “And I’m done putting you through it. You were right. I wasn’t choosing him last month. I didn’t even really choose him all those years ago. I chose being safe. Because I’m a coward—”

“Hey—”

“I am. When it matters. I put myself right back in a terrible marriage with a man who hates me most of the time, who doesn’t love my son, instead of—” Elizabeth shook her head. “Instead of just …once…reaching out for something I want. For something that terrifies me.”

Jason’s mouth tightened. “I terrify you—?”

“Not you—” Elizabeth winced. “Not you,” she repeated, more softly. “But the last time—when we almost—I didn’t know. I didn’t know where I stood with you. And the not knowing, the feeling that I wasn’t good enough, it drove me insane. And I did stupid things. I think I sabotaged it before we ever got started,” she added, thinking of that blackout mistake with Zander.

“I’ve been in love with my best friend before,” Elizabeth continued softly, her eyes locked on his. “And when it fell apart, I broke into a million pieces. I think maybe I knew letting it happen again—I wouldn’t come back from it. Not again.” A wobbly smile slid across her lips. “It was safer to be unhappy with someone else than to go through that a second time.”

“You weren’t the only one who messed up,” Jason said roughly. “I’ve been in love with my best friend before, too. And when it was over, my life was empty. There was nothing. I know what that feels like.”

“Because that’s pretty much where you were living, too,” she breathed. “Jason, it was never you I was running away from. Or him I was going towards. It was just—I couldn’t live with myself. I still don’t know if I can. I’ve hurt so many people. You, Cameron, myself, and Lucky, too. He didn’t deserve to be my obligation, my punishment for myself. I just—I want it to stop. I just don’t know how.”

He pressed his lips to her forehead, a lingering kiss that she felt to the tips of her toes. His hands were in her hair, just like they had been that long ago day they’d sat on the docks and he’d told her he’d had to go.

She’d been devastated then, so sure that she’d never see him again. She’d had to leave him first, knowing she might beg if she stayed. He’d kissed her forehead, and she’d touched his arm—briefly entertaining the insanity of lifting her head, pressing her lips to his—to just see once if what’d she’d dreamt about was real.

Elizabeth hadn’t kissed him then, not the shy eighteen-year-old who was just accepting there might be men out there who weren’t Lucky Spencer who’d make her heart race.

But today, Elizabeth did what she’d wanted to do seven years earlier. She leaned up and met his mouth with hers. The kiss was long, soft, and sweet—what it would have been then, she knew.

When Jason drew back, he rested his forehead against hers. “Are you going back to him?” he asked quietly. He kept his hand on her chain, his thumb brushing the soft skin under her bottom lip.

“No,” Elizabeth said finally. “I can’t. Not after today.”

Something in her voice must have sounded wrong, because Jason stepped back, his hand falling to his side. “Elizabeth, do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” she repeated. Feeling better, stronger, she shook her head. “No. It’s—it’s not important. I just—I have to stop lying to myself. To Lucky, to everyone. My marriage is over, and it’s been over for a long time.” She paused. “And it’s a relief,” she admitted. “To say that out loud. Carly said it would be like this.”

“Carly?” Jason lifted his brows.

“She said the day she gave up on Sonny ended up being the best day of her life.” Elizabeth smiled. “She was right. I don’t even understand why I was fighting so hard. I just—I’m done. And I’m glad to be done.”

And it was better this way. She’d leave Lucky, and everyone would think it was because of Jason and anger management—no one would even have to know he’d hurt her again. And Jason didn’t need to know at all.

He tucked her hair behind her ear, a slight smile on his lips. “You can’t tell Carly she was right. She’ll never let you forget it.”

Elizabeth laughed, some the tension breaking between. “Oh, God, I know. Right? She’s insufferable enough as it is.” She sighed.

“I should go, though. Cameron’s been at Carly’s since yesterday, and I miss him. I want to get a few things and go to my grandmother’s.” She grimaced. “I also worked the night shift and haven’t been able to sleep yet.”

“Okay. Can—” Jason hesitated. “Can I drive you? If you’re that tired—I can have someone take your car back to your grandmother’s.”

She hesitated, then looked at her watch. Lucky was supposed to be at work, then rehab, but she didn’t know if he’d keep either of those appointments. “Yeah, but if his car is outside the building, can you stay downstairs? I just—”

“I don’t want to make anything harder—”

“It’s fine.” She smiled. “Cameron will be happy to see you. And I—” She hesitated. “I don’t know what’s next,” she admitted. “I’m not—I’m not ready to make anyone any promises.”

“I’m not asking for any,” he told her. “I just want you to be okay. Whatever I need to do to make it happen.”

“Okay.” Her smile was even brighter this time as she followed him out of the penthouse. She was making the right decision.

Everything would be easier after this.

When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse
But high up above or down below
When you are too in love to let it show
Oh but if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth
– Fix You, Coldplay

---

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Port Charles Park: Playground

“How is Cameron handling it?” Emily asked as she took a seat next to Elizabeth and offered her a bottle of water. About a hundred feet away, Elizabeth could hear the sounds of the spring carnival—the music, the games, the rides, the crowds.

Emily eyed the guard standing off to the side, just by the hedges. “Is he here for you or for Morgan?” she asked.

Elizabeth frowned. “He’s Morgan’s guard. I don’t—I don’t need a guard. With Manny gone—that was just temporary.” She absently ran her hand from her elbow to her wrist, relieved she could wear the pink tank top without worry.

The best way to end her marriage was to put all of it out of her head. She hadn’t seen or talked to Lucky or anyone in his family since he’d left the apartment last night—and she didn’t intend to reach out until she had to. She’d been dodging calls and messages from Luke, Bobbie, and Lulu for nearly twenty-four hours. Thankfully, none from Lucky.

She wasn’t ready to talk to any of them yet.

“I guess I thought Jason might want someone with you once Lucky found out you were leaving.”

Elizabeth tensed as she shook her head. “No—he never—why would he?” Oh, God, did Emily know?

“I don’t know. You just sounded so upset on the phone, and Jason left the hospital so fast—” Emily pursed her lips. “Honestly, Elizabeth, when you asked me to meet you guys before the carnival, I thought you were going to tell me you and Jason were together.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth laughed nervously. “Oh. No. It’s not—it’s not like that. I mean—” She was quiet for a minute as she watched Cameron carefully climb the stairs to the slide. “I told you before that Jason and I had crossed the line.”

“You did.”

“I tried to step back. I did,” she corrected herself. “I did step back. Until Thursday, on the docks.” Elizabeth hesitated. “I wasn’t choosing Lucky, Emily. I was running away.” She bit her lip. “And then Patrick yelled at me. I found out Lucky wasn’t going to anger management—”

And then Lucky had broken the only promise she’d really wanted him to keep.

“I realized what I was giving up, and I didn’t want to do that anymore,” Elizabeth said finally.

“I don’t blame you. I’ve been there, Elizabeth. With Zander. You know that. I thought I was dying, so I agreed to marry him. But I didn’t love him. Not the way he deserved to be. And it didn’t matter how hard we both tried, that spark wasn’t there anymore. I was in love with Nikolas. We tried to stop it. Looking back, I still can’t believe how badly I handled everything.” Emily sighed. “But it was like there was a magnet attached to us. Every time we were within a few feet each other—”

“You couldn’t let him walk away,” Elizabeth finished. “Yeah. I get it, Em. I always did. Because it’s been that way for me. Jason made it easier before—he left the first time, and the second time—he got involved with someone else. With Courtney. But he’s not the only reason I’m leaving Lucky.”

“No, I figure the anger management was part of it, too.” Emily bit her lip. “You know I’m on your side, Elizabeth. And I love my brother. I think you’d be good together. But—”

“It’s not like that,” Elizabeth repeated. “We’re not—I’m not going to leave my husband on a Friday, and move in with another man on a Saturday. Cameron—” She looked at her son, giggling as he followed Morgan down the slide. “Cameron still thinks of Lucky as his father. That has to be dealt with. And I need—I need to be alone for a while.”

“I’m glad. I was prepared to be supportive if you and Jason were together, but—”

“You’re not wrong. I don’t know what’s going to happen there. But I know that I need to make a change.”

“Mommy, mommy…” Cameron rushed over. “Morgan says they’s cotton candy. I like cotton candy.”

“Mommy gave me money,” Morgan said with his sweet, careful smile. “I gots money.”

“We’ll head over to the carnival in a little bit.” She brushed some leaves out of his hair. “Cam, would you mind if Morgan’s Uncle Jason came by for a while?”

“I like Uncle Jason,” Morgan told Cam. “But sometimes, he won’t give me candy. He says Mommy gives me too much candy.”

“I like Mr. Jason. He playeded Biderman with me and Morgan and brought pizza.” Cameron nodded. “He can come.”

“Play for a little while longer, and we’ll head over to the carnival, okay?” Elizabeth asked.

“Okay!” Morgan tagged Cameron. “You’re it!” Then he took off running, and Cameron ran after him squealing.

“Jason’s coming?” Emily asked with her brow raised.

“I left Lucky,” Elizabeth said simply. “I don’t have to pretend we’re not friends anymore. And he likes my son. Cameron deserves all the love I can give him.”

Greystone Manor: Study

Sonny frowned as Jason checked the time on his phone for the third time since he’d arrived. “Am I keeping you from something?”

“What? No.” Jason shook his head. “I’m just—I’m supposed to be somewhere around three. What did Mateo have to say? Is he going to rein in Santiago?”

“He said he’d try, but I got something else that might be complicating it,” Sonny told him. “I put one of our guys on Courtland Street, just to get a sense of the traffic and customers. And he said that he thinks the cops have an undercover making buys.”

Jason grimaced. The last thing they needed was to get involved in a PCPD sting operation. They were just finally coming out from underneath the Manny crap. “Which cop?”

“Rocco talked to him, and the guy just said it was a cop. Rocco didn’t think it mattered who, but I can ask. But if they’re watching the Escobars on Courtland Street—”

“They might be watching them at Kelly’s or the high school. Maybe that’s why the PCPD is on this.” Jason hesitated. “I don’t like them dealing this close to your turf, Sonny, but the last thing we need is the PCPD looking at us.”

“I get it, but I don’t like the Escobars thinking they can play around like this,” Sonny returned. He poured himself a tumbler of bourbon. “Right now, Mateo seems irritated, but if we don’t do something, we look weak.”

Jason waited a long moment before taking a deep breath. “Elizabeth left Lucky. Yesterday. She went to her grandmother’s yesterday. And…” He pressed his lips together. “That’s where I’m going. To the park to see her and Cameron with Morgan.”

Sonny squinted at him. “Are you two—uh—you together now?”

“No,” Jason told him. “No. Not—She needs time. And space. But we don’t have to pretend we’re not friends anymore.” It had been Elizabeth’s idea, but Jason hadn’t hesitated. Asking him to spend time together where anyone could see them meant she was serious about leaving Lucky. And he didn’t want her to wonder how much she mattered to him.

“But you hanging out in public with a cop’s wife after everything that happened last month is like waving a red flag at a bull,” Sonny stated. “You know that. That’s why you’re thinking we hang back on the Escobars. Don’t give them a reason to look at us funny.”

“Yeah.”

“Any point in asking you two to lay low until her divorce papers are filed? Or like…she’s even moved her stuff out?” Sonny scowled. “You really gotta go public today? Less than twenty-four hours later—”

“We’re not—” Jason broke off. Because it wasn’t an unreasonable request. But it still rankled at him to be asked to put off spending time with Elizabeth and Cameron because of business. “We’re not going public,” he repeated. “But I get it. People are going to think we are.”

“I don’t give a shit about people, I give a shit about keeping the cops from digging into our lives all over again.” Sonny wiped his mouth. “This is important to you? This…carnival?”

“No. But it’s important to Elizabeth. And she would have already told Cameron I was coming. And Morgan knows I’m going. I saw him this morning before Carly took him over to Elizabeth’s.”

Sonny groaned at those words—because he knew Jason didn’t disappoint Morgan or Michael unless he had to. And it went without saying that Elizabeth and Cameron had joined the list of people Jason would walk through fire for. He sipped his bourbon and sat in the armchair. “What made her finally leave?” he asked. “Because two days ago, you were avoiding each other. Was it the thing on the docks?”

“It was part of it, yeah. Why does it matter?”

“It matters because she’s left him before, hasn’t she?” Sonny pointed out. “In fact, didn’t she leave him just before the kidnapping? How do you know she’s sticking this time?”

“Because I do, Sonny.” Jason scowled. “I don’t have to get your approval on this kind of thing. It’s not your business—”

“Really? It’s a little bit my business. You start sleeping with a cop’s wife—”

“Don’t call her that,” Jason snapped. “She’s not some cop’s wife. She’s Elizabeth.”

Sonny fell silent, staring at him for a long moment. “Yeah. She’s Elizabeth. And she was in your life long before she became a cop’s wife. Fair enough. If you’re willing to take on the crap we’ll get in the papers and from the cops, then fine. I’ll find out more about the PCPD’s involvement with the Escobars.” He got to his feet. “Have a nice time at the carnival.”

Port Charles Park

Elizabeth waved at Emily as she took Cameron and Morgan to get cotton candy at a nearby stall while she sat on the park bench, hoping to avoid some of the people who were in line — she really didn’t want to see or hear from Jesse Beaudry right now.

He was near the top of the list of people that Elizabeth wasn’t really interested in seeing at the moment, but he wasn’t alone. She sighed when she saw Sam McCall heading her way and decided to just suck it up. She remained seated as the other brunette stopped in front of her.

Sam slid her hands into the pockets of her jeans and rocked back on her heels. “Uh, hey.”

“Hello.” Elizabeth lifted her brows and sat back against the bench. “I haven’t seen you around in a while.

“Yeah, I’ve been working in Florida for a few weeks. I actually just came back to Port Charles to finish up a few things, grab the last of my stuff, and then I’ll be gone.” She nodded towards the other side of the bench. “Mind if I sit for a minute?”

“Go ahead.” Elizabeth slid over as Sam sat down. “So, you’re leaving.”

“Yeah, there’s not much here for me. I—” She bit her lip. “One of the things I wanted to do was apologize for that last day at the hospital. Because I am sorry.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Sam. It was a bad day. And—”

“I know that I didn’t have a good reason to be so angry with you.” Sam shifted to face Elizabeth slightly. “But I think—God, I think I was mad at you before then. And not just because of Jason. I was mad because you knew.”

Elizabeth didn’t have to guess what Sam meant by that. She sighed. “I didn’t do anything, Sam. I just ran the test—”

“Jason told you. Those results came back, and he told you about them. I can’t—I couldn’t understand why he’d do that. It was none of your business. And he told you like it was nothing. I should have known then—I should have seen you as a threat—”

“Sam—”

“You didn’t do anything. I know that. It’s on Jason. It’s on me for not pushing him. For just being okay with the idea that he was still in love with you. I was willing to settle for scraps, Elizabeth, just to be with him. And that’s why the hospital happened. Why I did what I did.”

“It’s okay. We all just—we all handled this badly.” Elizabeth waited a minute. “You weren’t wrong. Jason and I never slept together, and I—it never really came to it. But we crossed a line. Physically and emotionally. And it wasn’t fair to you. I am sorry for that.”

“I had this out of body of experience—I could literally see myself screaming at you, I could see you falling apart, and I just—Jesus, when did I become that woman? How did I let a man drive me to that point? I hated who I was, Elizabeth. What you and Jason did was wrong because you made promises to other people. And, well, I can’t speak for Lucky, but I think deserved better.”

“You did. And Lucky did, too. I never should have stayed in a marriage where I was that unhappy. It doesn’t matter how he treated me.” Elizabeth sighed. “I never wanted any of this.” She looked over to the cotton candy stall, where Cameron and Morgan had just received their cotton candy. Emily hadn’t seen Sam yet, or she would have been glaring at Sam, Elizabeth was sure.

“But that’s life, right? We never get what we want. Or what we think we want. I got married in November, and I really thought it was going to be forever. It might have been. It might have been years before Lucky’s anger became an issue,” Elizabeth murmured. “But he can’t deal with failure. With setbacks. And that’s all the last six months have been. One disaster after another. And he couldn’t handle it.”

Sam sighed. “I know what you mean. I think things with Jason were fine until that day he came home and told me Alexis Davis was my mother, that he’d run the test behind my back, and that he’d told you. I had a choice in that moment. I could have focused on the real problem — the fact that a woman I hate threw me away like garbage. But I chose to focus on Jason, and I punished him for it. I refused to talk to him.” She smirked. “And then Emily hit us like a freight train.”

Emily caught sight of Sam and scowled. Elizabeth waved as if to indicate it was okay and that she should stay over there until Jesse and Maxie had left the area.

“She came at me hard when I was already low, and she threw Jason a fastball right to the face. I don’t think he even knew how he still felt about you, Elizabeth, until she told him you thought he’d cheated on you. He’d barely flinched through the rest of it—including the part where she’d called me a whore—but he was so upset that he let her keep spewing all her hate and rage while he tried to figure out exactly what he’d done to you.” Sam shook her head. “It was like watching a light bulb switch on his head. He’d locked you away, and then he couldn’t do it again.”

“Sam—”

“Instead of stopping to talk to him about it—instead of dealing with—I ran. I hid. I turned it into anger. Because that’s how it works in a relationship. You come to a fork in the road, and you either go the same way at the same time, or you take different paths. At every point, Jason and I walked away from each other. Until that day, when I found myself screaming at a woman who—I’m guessing—had already been blamed for her own kidnapping a thousand times by that point.”

“It was a bad day,” Elizabeth repeated softly. “I get it, Sam. Because I wanted to pretend my life was happy. And the first time I realized how just unhappy I was—the first time it got really bad, I didn’t make him leave. I didn’t walk away, either.”

Sam frowned, looked at her, furrowing her brow. “Elizabeth?”

“I knew he didn’t love my son, but I didn’t go then. I thought he’d get better. And then when it was clear how little he loved Cam, how angry he could get at me—I didn’t even blink. I just lied for him.” Her throat tightened as she forced the words out. Because suddenly—she needed to say it. And it seemed safe to tell Sam. “And I told everyone that I tripped and fell.”

Sam exhaled on a sharp breath. “Elizabeth—”

“And even after it got worse—even after that day in the hospital with you and knowing that there was a chance a better man might actually love me back, I stayed.” Elizabeth rubbed her chest.

“Are you—” Sam shook her head. “Are you still—”

“No. I left yesterday. And I think I mean it this time. I do.” She swallowed hard. “But I meant it the last time. And I still went back.”

“Why?”

“Why did you stay with Jason?” Elizabeth asked softly. “Because you did, didn’t you? Until that day at the hospital. You knew before then. I know you did. But you stayed.”

“It’s—” Sam waited a long moment, trying to gather her thoughts. “It’s not the same, Elizabeth. I thought we could be okay again. If you’d go away, if he’d forget about you, it would go back to being okay. And I thought it was worth waiting for it to be okay again—”

Sam cleared her throat, shook her head. “Ultimately, none of this matters anymore. I wasn’t happy here. Jason and I were always going to come to this because it turns out I’m a con artist, and I’m not ashamed of it. He was. And that’s a deal breaker for me. He doesn’t respect what I do or care that I love it.”

“And you deserve someone who does.” Elizabeth laughed a little. “Oh, God, I am so terrible at being a cop’s wife. Lucky always said that. I mean, I guess what you do is bad. But it’s not my life, and I’m not the one that has to live it. I’m sorry Jason didn’t accept it.”

“Yeah, well—” Sam shrugged. “At least with you being a nurse, you’ll have more patience for his Superman complex.” When Elizabeth just frowned, Sam continued, “The thing he has about saving people? He was so disappointed when Sonny didn’t want to do anything about Manny.” She smirked. “I told him—it’s not your job to fix the world, you know. You’re not Superman.”

“I—” Elizabeth blinked. “That’s so weird. I told him the same thing—”

“Yeah, but I think you and I meant different things. You expected him to be the kind of guy who wouldn’t abandon a pregnant woman being targeted by a psycho, and me?” Sam shrugged. “I figured it wasn’t his business.” She chuckled, a bit bitterly. “To think, I thought you wanting him to deal with that meant you didn’t understand him.”

“Sam—”

“Clearly, I was wrong about that. And—” Sam nodded towards a path in the distance where Jason was walking towards them quickly, “he’s not sorry how things turned out.”

“I don’t know what he is yet. But I’m sorry that you were hurt. I’m sorry for my part in it. Maybe I didn’t owe you anything as a friend, but I did owe you something as a woman. I’m sorry,” Elizabeth repeated. “And I know…I know you’re thinking of wrapping things up without talking to Alexis.”

“That’s going to be buried,” Sam said sharply. “I’m not dealing with that,” she added as Jason drew up to them.

“Is everything okay here?” Jason asked.

“Yeah, things are fine,” Elizabeth told him. To Sam, she continued, “And that’s fair. I don’t blame you. My parents abandoned me, too. Not by adoption, but they moved to Europe ten years ago, and I haven’t seen them since I moved to Port Charles. I always knew they didn’t love me the way they loved my brother or sister. Sometimes I think about asking them why. They probably wouldn’t have an answer. Or they’d tell me I was being silly. But it’d be nice to know.”

Sam chewed on her bottom lip as she got to her feet, Elizabeth also standing. “I’m sure if I told Alexis the truth, she’d tell me all the details I wanted to know before. Why she gave me up, how I ended up with Cody—I’m just not sure it’s worth the price of telling Alexis. I mean, she could have looked for me—”

“Maybe,” Elizabeth said, “but you don’t have a lot of experience with the Cassadines. Not like I do. If Alexis was sixteen, she was still under Mikkos’s control. He probably arranged everything. He was evil—worse than Manny Ruiz. I also know Alexis was terrified of Helena. Alexis sent her own sister away to protect her after Helena killed their mother.”

“I—” Sam glanced at Jason for a long moment as his expression remained blank. “I didn’t know that. Did you?”

“I did, but I didn’t think about it that way—” Jason frowned. “Elizabeth—”

“Don’t tell her, tell her—whatever you choose, I’m sure it’ll be the right thing for you. But you’ve seen the way she’s fought for Kristina, for Molly. Why do you think she wouldn’t fight for you in her own way?”

“I’ve just hated her for so long,” Sam said. “But if I’m going to leave Port Charles, it might be nice to take some answers with me. I don’t know. I’ll think about it.”

“How are things?” Emily asked as Cameron and Morgan bounded up behind her. Cameron immediately started tugged on Jason’s jeans—in which look liked a system they’d already settled on, Elizabeth realized as Jason leaned down to pick Cameron up in his arms.

“Hey, Cam,” Jason said. “Did you eat or wear that cotton candy?” he asked, pointing to the blue strands near Cameron’s mouth.

“I ateded it all up. Aunt Em says no more.”

“I told her we didn’t have to tell Daddy I got two,” Morgan told Elizabeth. “But no more candy.”

“I should get going,” Sam murmured, looking at the way Jason held Cameron. Elizabeth folded her arms, uncomfortable. She knew what it was like to watch the man you’d loved with another woman—and to see him with another child after they’d lost Sam’s daughter—

“Good luck, Sam,” Elizabeth offered as the brunette waved and disappeared down a path.

“Uh, what was that?” Emily demanded. She put her hands on her hips. “You were talking to her forever.”

“She just wanted to apologize before she left town,” Elizabeth told her. She knelt down next to Morgan and took out a napkin to wipe his face. “It was fine, Em.”

“Can we go on the rides?” Cameron asked. “Mommy said there’s some for us.”

“We just have to go to the ticket booth,” Elizabeth said as she straightened. “You ready?” she asked Emily.

“You mean, is Jesse Beaudry somewhere far away?” Emily snorted. “Yeah, he’s over by the bumper cars.”

“Well, then let’s go on some rides.”

---

A few hours later, both boys were still going strong and begging to go on the miniature kid’s roller coaster that had been set up on the far end of the park — which they could do as long as an adult would go on.

Elizabeth watched in stunned silence as Cameron and Morgan, in unison, looked directly at Jason, who didn’t even protest. He took their hands and got into line.

“Um—” Emily pursed her lips, nodded. “Okay. So that is my brother, riding a roller coaster. Jason Morgan. Excuse me—” She fished in her purse for her digital camera. “Mom is never going to believe this.”

She snapped a few photos as Jason and the boys boarded the small car. Cameron waved at them with a big grin as Jason made sure he was strapped in.

“Seriously, this has made my whole life—” Emily turned to Elizabeth, who hadn’t said anything. “You okay? You look upset.”

“I’m not. I’m just—” Elizabeth sighed. “It feels like another lifetime, but I asked Lucky to come with us earlier this week. I thought it’d be something fun we could do as a family, you know? I really was trying.”

“I know, but—”

“And now I’m standing here, watching my son have more fun with Jason than I think he ever did living with Lucky, and I—I’m so angry at myself for letting Cameron live like that. He loves Jason. And he deserved better from me. I can’t imagine Lucky here. I’m glad he said no. I’m glad I’m standing here with you, watching Jason with my son and his best friend.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“I haven’t seen my brother look this relaxed or happy in years. And you two aren’t even really together.” Emily slid an arm around her shoulder, tugging her in for a half hug. “It makes me happy to see you both happy. And you know how much I love Cameron. I want him happy, too.”

They watched, laughing and taking more photos until the ride was over. After, Elizabeth bought one of the pictures snapped along the ride.

“Let’s get some dinner,” she suggested to Jason as she returned to their group. “Cameron will probably want hot dogs.”

“Hamburgers,” Morgan said. He grinned. “And cotton candy.”

Jason shook his head as they headed back towards the entrance of the park, away from the larger rides and towards more of the food and games. “No more cotton candy.”

Elizabeth met Morgan’s eyes and nodded. “Yes,” she mouthed. Morgan grinned and slid her hand in hers as they wound down one of the paths.

“Did Elizabeth tell you she’s going to scrub in on her first surgery this week,” Emily asked Jason. “After only a month—”

“I’m scrubbing in to observe,” Elizabeth corrected. “I have to do that for like three more months before Patrick will actually let me assist. He’s such a perfectionist. I can’t believe he wanted me on his team to begin with.”

“Mom wanted Elizabeth on her team, too,” Emily explained. “She, like, went to war with Patrick.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Emily—” But she flushed as they arrived in the large food area set up and started to look for a table. “Don’t start.”

“No, that’s good. I know you like your job, and I’m glad other people notice,” Jason said. He lifted Cameron onto the bench seat of a table. “What do we want? Emily and I can go get the food if you want to wait with the kids.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” Elizabeth began, then she grimaced.

“Isn’t this cozy,” Jesse Beaudry snarled as he stalked towards them. Behind him, Maxie Jones followed with an irritated sigh. Her sister, Georgie, and her boyfriend, Dillon, were also in the group. And, to Elizabeth’s worry, so was Lulu.

“Hey, Liz.” Lulu folded her arms and looked at Jason, who still had his hands on Cameron’s shoulders after lifting him into his seat. She looked back at her sister-in-law. Lulu flashed a tight smile. “Dad’s been trying to call you—”

“I know. I was going to call him tomorrow,” Elizabeth said. “Lulu—”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll tell him.” Lulu cast a nervous look at her group. “Why don’t we just go? I didn’t want to come over here—”

“I think it’s shitty you didn’t even wait an entire day before flaunting yourself all over Port Charles with your criminal boyfriend—”

“There are kids here,” Maxie said, grasping at Jesse’s elbow. “C’mon, I told you—”

“No, Lucky’s entire life has been destroyed and this bitch—”

“You’re going to want to stop right there,” Jason said quietly. “Maxie’s right. There are kids here. You got a problem with me, that’s fine. But you should know better.”

“Kids—” Jesse sorted. “Sure—a mobster’s kid and the bastard she tried to foist off on my partner—”

Dillon, perhaps seeing the murderous light in Jason’s eyes or the way Elizabeth’s fists clenched, grabbed Jesse’s arm, tugging. “Seriously, dude. This is not okay.”

Morgan, likely used to his parents’ fighting, hunkered down at the table and put his head down while Cameron stood up on his tiny legs and turned to Jason, wrapping his arms around Jason’s forearm. “Jason, what’s a bastard?”

Elizabeth growled at the sound of that word in her little boy’s mouth and stepped in front of the table. “Jesse, you don’t like me, that’s fine. But you have no right to harass me or my child in public—”

“Lucky nearly died because of you, and you didn’t even have the decency to pretend you gave a damn for like ten seconds—”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. If you won’t leave, we will.” She turned to take Morgan into her arms. She nodded at Jason, who picked up Cameron. “Come on, guys. We’ll go to Kelly’s.”

“Running away seems to be your thing—” Jesse continued, but whatever words he might have said next were lost forever with the sound of a sharp CRACK!

Gunshots broke out over the roar of the crowd. Screams echoed in the air as people started to run, started to push and shove. At the familiar sound of gunfire, as she saw Jason grab her son and drop to the ground, Elizabeth grabbed Morgan around the waist and pushed down. She winced as a sharp pinch in her shoulder, then a slicing sensation through her skin like fire.

She shoved the bench out of the way and pushed Morgan towards Jason, Emily, and Cameron, rolling under after him. Jason pulled Morgan close to him, trying to cover both kids with his own body as Elizabeth and Emily huddled next to him.

Both boys were crying; Morgan was calling for both his mother and father as he burrowed his head down. Elizabeth heard more screaming—and as the gunfire faded—the screams became more distinct—

More familiar. A woman was screaming a name. Jesse’s name.

“Jesse!” Maxie screeched. Elizabeth turned and could see just beneath the plastic gingham cover that Jesse was sprawled on the ground, his face turned towards her—with blood seeping out onto the cement ground. Maxie was sobbing, her sister and Dillon were trying to drag her backward. Elizabeth couldn’t see where Lulu had gone.

“Wait here,” Jason ordered. “Cameron, I need to go make sure it’s safe—” Gently, he managed to settle Cameron with Elizabeth, Emily, and Morgan as he crawled from beneath the picnic table—

Elizabeth’s heart was racing as Emily also crawled out towards Jesse and Maxie.

But she waited. She was a nurse, and she should be helping, but Cameron and Morgan were her priority and—

And she knew how this worked. She stayed out of sight, protecting the boys. They cam first.

She met Emily’s eyes as the other woman frantically tried to stop the bleeding. Emily did not look confident, and Maxie’s anguished cries pulled at Elizabeth.

“Liz! Liz! Where’s Cam?” Lulu cried as she crawled into view. She joined them under the table. “Where’s Morgan—”

“They’re here. They’re safe—Stay with them—”

Elizabeth crawled out to help Jesse, but by then, it seemed like the whole world exploded—people were still running—still screaming—there were paramedics and security guards who’d been tasked with running the carnival.

Emily was pushed aside as a stretcher was brought over. Her hands were stained with blood as she shakily got to her feet. “Headshot,” she managed. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath. “It’d be a miracle if he makes it to the hospital,” she added as she watched a sobbing Maxie following the paramedics, held by Dillon and Georgie.

“You’re bleeding,” Emily said just as Jason returned to them, his gun already tucked back in his jeans, out of sight from the surrounding officers. He scowled, quickened his pace to be back at their side.

Elizabeth frowned, looking at him. “No, he’s not. He’s fine—” But then she felt it. The burning sensation on her upper shoulder, the blood dribbling down her arm. She looked down at her arm, left bare by her tank top. “Oh.”

She touched the blood and looked at it, looked at Jason. Managed a smile. “Just like before.”

But she didn’t faint this time. Emily helped her sit down while Lulu climbed out from under the table with the boys.

“Jesus, Liz, you got shot!” Lulu cried. “I should call Lucky—”

“Mommy!”

“I’m not—I just got grazed,” Elizabeth said with a wince. She looked at her son, still crying. “I’m okay, Cam. It’s okay. We’re okay.”

“But the angry man. He’s not okay.” Morgan sniffled, swiping his eyes. “I wanna go home.”

Emily frowned as she took off the light button-down shirt she’d been wearing over her tank top and, with the help of a pair of manicure scissors from her purse, cut the sleeve and tied it around Elizabeth’s arm. “You can wait for the paramedics to look at you,” she told her. “But—”

“But we need to get out of here,” Elizabeth said, looking at Jason, who exhaled slowly and nodded. “Morgan needs to get back to Greystone right away. That’s what’s supposed to happen.”

“Wait, what?” Lulu blinked. “What does that mean?”

“Yeah,” Jason said, ignoring the blonde. “Yeah. And—” He hesitated. “I want you and Cameron to come with us.”

Elizabeth didn’t even hesitate. She got to her feet, picked up Cameron, and handed him to Jason before taking Morgan into her arms. “Then let’s go before the PCPD gets here. Emily, you’re going to the hospital?”

“Yeah—”

“Liz, wait, why can’t you just wait for the paramedics?” Lulu began.

“I’m sure Lulu needs a ride,” Elizabeth said, turning to her sister-in-law. “To be with Maxie and the others.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Emily said. “C’mon, Lu. Let’s go to the hospital.”

“But—”

“Let’s go,” Elizabeth said to Jason. “Because I really don’t think you want the PCPD to find you at the scene of a cop shooting,” she said as they started towards the exit. She was running on adrenaline, she knew that. And when it stopped, she knew that she would have to think about the fact that she’d been shot at, standing next to Jason, with her son only inches away.

That was the last thing Elizabeth wanted to think about at the moment. Right now, she wanted to make sure Cameron was safe, and Sonny’s fortress at the edge of town was the best place to be.

Everything else would wait.

Port Charles Park: Parking Lot

Jason’s black SUV was parked next to Elizabeth’s car. He set Cameron on the front driver’s seat, then took the keys Elizabeth handed him so that he could get the car seats from her car and take them to his. Elizabeth also put Morgan on the front passenger’s seat, and, together, they efficiently fastened both seats into the SUV.

It might have made sense to someone else to take the car that had already been set up for two toddlers, but Elizabeth knew the SUV had bulletproof windows. Jason hadn’t even had to ask her to switch cars—she’d just known what to do.

“Mommy,” Cameron sniffled as Elizabeth fastened him into his seat. He pointed at her arm. “Mommy, you hurt.”

“I’m fine, baby.” She took a precious extra five seconds to brush his hair out of his face and hand him his Spiderman action figure. Next to him, Morgan had a G.I. Joe he never went anywhere without. “We’re going to go see Morgan’s daddy’s house. He’s got a lot of toys.”

“Yeah?” Cameron swiped at his face, his nose dripping. She took a wipe and blew his nose. “He gots Biderman movies?”

“I’m sure he does. But I have an extra in my bag. I never go anywhere without it,” she told her son. She caught Jason’s eye — they were out of time if they wanted to be out of the parking lot before the crowd told the responding officers Jason Morgan had been at the scene. “You ready?”

“Yeah. Okay, Mommy.”

She closed the door and got into the front seat. Jason had already put the car into reverse to back out of the parking spot before she’d closed her door and fastened her seatbelt.

“Your arm okay?” he asked, grimacing as the SUV got caught in a crowd of other cars fleeing the park. He could hear the sirens of police cars a few blocks away. His fingers tapped restlessly against the wheel, willing the cars in front of him to move. He looked at Elizabeth—the makeshift bandage Emily had tied around her arm was already beginning to fail, the thin cotton no match for the blood seeping through.

“It’s fine. Sonny still has a guard with some medical training, right?”

“Uh, yeah—”

“I remember from when you were shot. Sonny wanted him to come look at you, but I wouldn’t tell him where you were.” Elizabeth touched her arm, wincing. “It hurts, but it’s not much worse than the warehouse graze.”

He didn’t understand how she was so calm and collected after being caught in gunfire, after her son had been traumatized—after she’d been shot in front of her child.

“I know what you’re thinking, Jason. And I guess we have to have that conversation, but not right now, right?”

She looked at him as the cars in front of him finally shifted, and Jason was able to pull away from the park—just before the first group of cop cars broke through the intersection across the street from the park.

“Elizabeth—”

“Jason.” She shook her head. “You weren’t hit. Jesse was. Maybe it was a ricochet. Maybe it wasn’t. But you know better. Don’t assume until you know the facts, right?”

He frowned. “How—”

“You always thought I was reckless,” she murmured. “That I treated it like a game.”

“I—” He fell silent—because of course, he had. She’d used that busboy to lure him to Vista Point—

Because he’d been avoiding her. Not returning her calls.

“I’m sorry. I should have known better. I won’t make that mistake again.”

“Good.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Now, what are the chances that Carly blames me for this because I had Morgan with me?”

He laughed then, a surprising release of the tension. “About sixty-forty in favor. She’s probably not going to let you babysit again.”

“Well, then I’ll just have to remind her I took a bullet for him, and we’ll be good.” They exchanged quick, tense smiles before looking straight ahead at the highway ramp that would take them out of downtown Port Charles, towards Greystone Manor and the security of Sonny’s high walls and electrified gates.

The world’s on fire, it’s more than I can handle
Tap into the water, try to bring my share
Try to bring more, more than I can handle
Bring it to the table, bring what I am able
I watch the heavens but I find no calling
Something I can do to change what’s coming
Stay close to me while the sky is falling
I don’t wanna be left alone, don’t wanna be alone
– Worlds on Fire, Sarah McLachlan

---

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Greystone Manor: Living Room

Inside the house, Sonny and Carly were waiting. Sonny sat in his armchair, a bourbon in his hand, Michael was on the sofa playing a handheld video game while Carly was pacing from the terrace doors to the double doors, back and forth.

As soon as the gunshots had been reported by the news, Sonny had called Carly for a lockdown at the estate. She’d gone without an argument. It didn’t matter how long they had been divorced—she knew the procedure. Jason was with Morgan, and if he was okay, he’d be coming there as possible. She just wanted to be with her boys.

Morgan started crying almost as soon as Jason and Elizabeth crossed the threshold. He released Elizabeth’s hand and ran across the room so that his mother could sweep him up into a bear hug.

Sonny launched to his feet to join mother and son. “Hey, kiddo,” he said, running his hand down Morgan’s back. “You okay?”

“I ‘kay, Daddy.” Morgan sniffled. “Scared. Big ‘splosion.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Sonny, I need you to get Richie here. Elizabeth was grazed, and we didn’t wait for the paramedics—”

“Oh my God, you were hit?” Carly looked at Elizabeth over Morgan’s head. “Is Cameron okay? What happened?” She looked at the other toddler, who had tucked his head into the space between Jason’s shoulder and neck , his cheeks tear-stained. “Cam, it’s Aunt Carly. You okay, baby?”

“Yeah,” he offered in a small voice as he looked suspiciously at Sonny. “Jason squished me. Morgan okay, too. Mommy squished him.”

“Mommy—” Carly’s face paled as she took in Elizabeth’s blood-stained bare arm. Jason was pushing her towards the sofa where a silent Michael just moved over. “You—got—you got shot with Morgan—” He set Cameron down next to her.

“It was just the sides of the table we were on,” Elizabeth murmured as some of the adrenaline began to wear off. Her knees felt like they were made of water, and she gratefully sat down. “We had gone to the food court to get something to eat, and—I just grabbed Morgan and went under the table.”

“Thank you,” Sonny said in a quiet voice. “I’ll go get Richie.”

Cameron tucked himself against her good side. “Mommy, does it hurt?”

Morgan perched on one hip, Carly came around to stand next to Jason. “What the hell is going on?” she demanded. “I thought Sonny said things were quiet—”

“They are. We don’t know what happened.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck, watching as a pale Elizabeth reassured her son. “Jesse Beaudry was hit. Headshot.”

“Beaudry,” Carly repeated. “That’s a cop, right? Was he near you?”

“He was at the table, yelling at Elizabeth,” Jason muttered.

“Well, maybe it was because of him,” Carly said. She pressed her lips to Morgan’s cheeks again. “Hey, baby. Talk to me. You must have been scared.”

“It was loud,” Morgan said in a small voice. “And the angry man was bleeding. Aunt Em tried to help, but I think he hurt real bad.”

“Elizabeth,” Carly said, turning back to the sofa. “Why don’t I take the boys upstairs to get settled? You can get cleaned up.” She sighed. “I brought a bag with a few changes of clothes. I didn’t know how long—but you can borrow something from me if you need it.”

“Thanks,” Elizabeth managed. To Cameron, she said, “Do you want to go see Morgan’s playroom? Maybe Aunt Carly—” the words fell a bit more naturally from her lips than she thought they might—“can get the Spiderman DVD from my bag.”

“Wanna stay wit’ you.” Cameron wrapped his arms around Elizabeth’s forearm and pressed his forehead against her shoulder.

“Well, Sonny and Jason are going to get someone who can clean my cut, Cam. And make sure it’s okay.” She pressed her lips to his head. “Go upstairs. I bet the playroom here is bigger than Aunt Carly’s.”

“It’s two rooms, Cameron,” Michael told him with a reassuring smile. He got to his feet, held out his hand. “Come on. We got lots of movies to watch. And Mom always has candy in her purse.” He was clearly a pro at this, and beyond the lack of color in his face, didn’t seem all that fazed by what was going on.

“Thanks for ratting me out, Mr. Man,” Carly muttered as Sonny returned in time for that last remark. “Sonny, I’m taking the boys upstairs.”

“Yeah, yeah, Richie’s on his way up from the guardhouse.” Sonny scrubbed his hands over his face. He waited until Carly had disappeared up the stairs with all three boys before turning back to Jason and Elizabeth. “Justus is on his way over. He’s already fielding calls from Mac. Seems like they know you were there, Jase. It’s only a matter of time before you get an official request to come in for questioning.”

Jason grimaced. “Any word on Beaudry? What about other injuries?”

“A few other bullet grazes,” Sonny said as a guard came in and sat down to look at Elizabeth’s arm. He pulled out a bag and started to unpack a few things. “But Beaudry is the worst. He’s still in surgery, but the guy at the hospital didn’t think it looked good.”

“That’s what Emily said on the scene,” Elizabeth offered, wincing as Richie carefully began to clean the wound. “But he made it to the hospital.”

“Can you guys tell me what happened?” Sonny asked. “Were you the target? How close were you to Beaudry?”

“It’s like we said. We were at one of the picnic tables,” Jason said. “Beaudry and some of the other kids he hangs out with were right there. The shots started, and Elizabeth and I just grabbed the boys and went for cover.”

“I was standing closest to Jesse,” Elizabeth murmured. “With Morgan. On one side of the table. Emily was next to me. Jesse was right in front of me.” She met Sonny’s eyes. “Jason was at least three feet away.”

“That is interesting,” Sonny mused, “and something to think about.” He eyed Jason, who pressed his lips together. “Richie, how does it look?”

“Just a superficial wound,” the guard told Elizabeth as he placed a bandage over it. “It bled a lot, but that serious. You won’t even need stitches. Might be some skin discoloration, but it’ll probably disappear with time.” He packed his things up. “You’re a nurse, right? You know to clean this if you have supplies?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

When Richie left, Elizabeth sighed. She knew Sonny probably wanted her out of the way, so she got to her feet. “I should call my grandmother to let her know we’re okay. Can I tell her where we are?”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s fine. But if it’s okay, Elizabeth, I’d like you and Cameron to spend the night. To make sure we know who the target was.” Sonny hesitated. “I’m…kind of concerned that Beaudry was the hardest hit, and he was next to you. I don’t know what that means, but you—” He looked at the remains of the blood-stained sleeve in her hands. “That bullet came close to my son, and he’s okay because you took care of him. Thank you.”

“You’d do the same for mine.” She looked at Jason. “I’ll go and call her. I’m sure you and Sonny have things to talk about that I don’t need to hear.”

“Yeah.” Jason looked at her for a long time as if he wanted to say more as if he wanted to do something. But he remained rooted to the ground, not moving towards her. Elizabeth just sighed, shook her head, and went upstairs.

“I called Mateo,” Sonny offered once Elizabeth was out of earshot. “He doesn’t know what the hell is going on. This isn’t from him.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s not from the guys he can’t control,” Jason muttered. “Something isn’t right about this, Sonny. There were two shooters—they both got away because I couldn’t—the kids were there—”

“I didn’t think you should abandon Elizabeth and Emily with toddlers so you could go get shot by someone else,” Sonny said dryly. “You did what needed to be done. The kids come first. Two shooters?”

“Unless the guy had a machine, definitely more than one shooter. But opening fire on crowded carnival?” Jason shook his head. “I don’t think the shots were coming from far away. A decent shot would have taken me out—I wasn’t expecting any trouble. But I didn’t even get grazed. Elizabeth did. And the cop took the full brunt.”

“You think Beaudry was the undercover working Courtland Street?” Sonny asked. “Maybe we weren’t the targets?”

“I don’t know.”

His partner frowned at him. “Are you sure you’re not just hoping it wasn’t about us?” Sonny asked. “You’re out in public with Elizabeth and her kid for the first time. He ends up in danger—that’s not a good sign.”

“She’s handling it,” Jason said flatly. “Better than most. No, I don’t want this to be about us. Because it means we missed something. We knew there were issues with the Escobars, but this is an escalation that we didn’t see coming. Do you want to admit we missed it?”

“No.” Sonny frowned as the front door opened, and Max shoved open the door to the living room. “What’s up, Max?”

“Uh, Lucky Spencer is at the guardhouse, demanding to talk to his wife and son.” Max winced as he looked at Jason. “I didn’t know what to say to him. He said if I just turned him away, he’d have the PCPD here to come get Cameron. I don’t know if that’s a thing he can do, but I thought Miss Webber ought to know.”

Jason sighed, nodded. “Yeah, I’ll go get her. See how she wants to handle it.”

He went up the stairs and found Elizabeth coming out of one of the guest rooms, her blood-stained tank top exchanged for a long-sleeved shirt that covered her wound. “Hey—I didn’t think you’d be done with Sonny so quickly. I didn’t even get to call Gram yet—” She frowned. “What? What’s wrong?”

“Lucky’s at the guardhouse,” he said after a long moment. “Demanding to see you and Cameron. He threatened to bring the PCPD to get Cameron. I’m sure he threw the words kidnapping around.”

Elizabeth hesitated. “The last thing I want to do is deal with Lucky,” she admitted.

“I’ll make him go away—”

But as Jason turned to go, she caught his sleeve and stopped him. “But I think I should go down myself.”

He frowned down at her, shaking his head slightly. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do—”

“No, I—” Elizabeth pressed her lips together and looked at him. “No, I don’t. But I need to do this. Plus, if I don’t send him away myself, he’ll just make more trouble at the PCPD.”

Greystone Manor: Guard House

Lucky was pacing back and forth in the driveway that led up to the estate, his car parked haphazardly behind him, one of the wheels on the curb.

Elizabeth folded her arms as she approached the gate, Jason on her heels.

“Let me in!” Lucky yelled. He pulled at the gate again, but the iron bars didn’t move. “Damn it! I’m a fucking a cop!”

“Yeah? No warrant, no service,” Max Giambetti shot back with a smirk. “Try again—”

But Lucky had seen Elizabeth walk up behind Max and another guard. His eyes were bloodshot, and she grimaced, wondering if he’d been at Jake’s drinking again. “Elizabeth, you have to come with me!”

“I don’t have to go anywhere with you.” Though the gate was between them, Elizabeth stayed behind the guards. She didn’t want to get within arm’s reach of Lucky—

She didn’t trust him not to grab her through the bars.

“Elizabeth, Elizabeth, you need to be safe—you need to come out here now!” Lucky stretched his arm through the bars. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to do it—”

“I’m safe right where I am,” she said flatly. “You need to go.”

“God damn it—” His scowl deepened, his face flushed even darker as he focused on Jason behind her. “You ran straight to him, didn’t you? You fucking whore—”

“Let’s go back inside,” Jason told her as Elizabeth shook her head. She met his eyes. “He can’t get through the gate without a warrant, and he can’t tell the PCPD we’re keeping you against your will.”

“No, but he can still find a way to make trouble,” she murmured. She looked back at Lucky, at the man that, until yesterday, she’d been trying to save. Her husband. “He always does.”

The boy she loved was gone, and she couldn’t even find a trace of the man she’d promised to love forever, barely six months earlier. It was the first time she could look at him and not feel the choking weight of obligation, guilt, and regret.

She felt nothing.

“Go away, Lucky. And don’t come back.”

She turned and walked back to the house.

Greystone Manor: Foyer

Elizabeth dragged her hands through her hair as she walked into the foyer. Jason closed the door behind them. “Well, that was fun.”

“You didn’t have to go,” Jason told her, cocking his head to the side. “You knew he couldn’t come on the grounds without a warrant. And if the PCPD tried to take Cam, you’re here to stop that.”

“Yeah, I know that—”

“So, why did you go?” Jason asked, his tone quiet, his eyes searching hers. “I would have made him go away—”

“I needed to do it,” she admitted. “And maybe I didn’t even understand that until I went out there and saw him. Yesterday—” She blew out a breath. “Yesterday, he was the one that left. It should have been me. I should have left him weeks ago. I shouldn’t have gone back in the first place.”

Elizabeth bit her lip. “I needed to be the one who left,” she said again, more to herself. Then she met his eyes. “And I think maybe I needed you to know that. To see that.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Because I know the conversation—” She forced a smile on her face. “The argument we’re going to have later—when this is—when things are calmer.”

Jason looked away, and she just sighed. Elizabeth wasn’t sure she had it in her for that particular argument, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t going to happen all the same.

“But I needed you to see that I’m the one walking away from him this time.” Elizabeth’s chest eased. “And I’m not going back.”

Jason nodded. “Okay—”

They both turned when the double doors to the living room opened, and Sonny peered at them. “Lucky gone?” he asked.

“I’m sure he is by now,” Elizabeth said.

“Good. Jase, we got work to do. Elizabeth—”

“Got it.” She looked at Jason as Sonny went back into the living room, the doors still open. “Come find me later when you and Sonny are done talking, okay? We’ll have that argument.”

“Yeah,” he repeated. He kissed her forehead, lingering for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.” She squeezed his hand, then let him go. She went up the main stairs while he closed the doors.

Greystone Manor: Living Room

“She okay?” Sonny asked. He retrieved his forgotten bourbon from the coffee table and offered Jason a drink of his own. Jason didn’t usually drink with Sonny, but this time he accepted. Sonny went to the minibar to pour him a glass.

“She’s dealing. She’s—” Jason hesitated, sipped his drink. “She’s always been good under pressure. And she’s a nurse.”

“Trained to think in a crisis,” Sonny said. “Well, that’s your issue to deal with as long as Spencer doesn’t make any more problems for us.” He was quiet for a long moment. “You think this is any kind of payback for Manny?”

“Who’s left to get payback?” Jason asked. “The only brother left alive is a priest, and Roy said he never had anything to do with the family. We can call down to Miami, but I doubt anyone is missing the Ruiz family.”

“Fair. There’s always Alcazar. He’s in Miami now—”

“He owes me a favor,” Jason said. “And he knows Skye likes Elizabeth. He’s not going after her for Manny. Not after what happened last month.”

“Then I don’t know what the hell is going on. If it’s the Escobars committing suicide by going after an undercover cop, well…” Sonny shrugged. “I’ll do what I can to turn the PCPD towards them. It’d be nice to know if you were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“First time for everything.”

Greystone Manor: Guest Suite

Jason and Sonny stayed holed up in the living room for several more hours as guards came and went to check in. Just after Carly and Elizabeth had fed the boys dinner and put Morgan and Cameron down to sleep, they got the word from the hospital that Jesse Beaudry had died from his injuries.

They’d gone to a guest suite with a bedroom and sitting room attached to it to eat their own food. She’d called her grandmother shortly after Jason told her Lucky was at the entrance, and Audrey had been livid to learn she was at Greystone with no plans to leave.

And now…to learn that Jesse had died…Elizabeth didn’t know what to think. She’d hoped that the worst was behind her, but somehow she knew that his death would only make things worse.

She was tired of thinking she’d hit bottom only to learn there were several levels of hell beneath it.

Carly shook her head as the guard left, having reported the news to them. She crossed to the window that overlooked the main drive leading down to the guardhouse and gated entrance. “The PCPD will be back, probably with an arrest warrant.”

“But Jason wasn’t the shooter. There will be witnesses to that. I mean, I know Maxie is probably too upset, but the others—” Elizabeth grimaced. “But yeah, they’re not going to let this go.”

Carly bit at her nails, staring out the window. “What do you think? Do you think this was about Jason and Sonny?” She turned back to Elizabeth, who was pouring herself a glass of wine. “I mean, this isn’t your first shooting.”

Elizabeth pursed her lips. “No, it’s not. Jason made us both stay at the penthouse when Alcazar shot at me and Zander in the hospital. It was a few days before he’d let me go back to work at Kelly’s, but even then, I had a guard and stayed with him. This isn’t like that. And I guess there was the warehouse fire that year, too. And the kidnapping.”

“Yeah, that was a busy couple of months.” Carly huffed. “This does feel different. We’re in lockdown, but it’s like—do you think it was even about Jason or Sonny?” she repeated.

“I don’t know. I can’t—” Elizabeth sighed. “If it was, they sent the wrong guys to do the job. I think Jason said something in the car about it being more than one guy. They were a terrible shot if Jason was the target.”

“Or you. Your back was to the shooters, yeah? Because Jesse got hit in the head.” Carly started to pace. “They could have hit you. They didn’t. You got grazed, but the cop got shot.” She wrinkled her nose. “The PCPD isn’t going to care about any of that.”

“No, they won’t.”

“Especially since you were there with Jason. Crappy ending to a date, huh?” Carly raised her brows as Elizabeth recognized she was fishing for information. Elizabeth handed her a glass of wine.

“It wasn’t a date, but no, that’s not how it was supposed to go. It was just supposed to be fun. I wanted Cameron to have a good day without me rushing off to work or him going to sleep somewhere else without me. And he loves Jason. I wanted that for them.”

Carly sipped her wine. “And now, you’re remembering why you ran away in the first place.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Good God, does everyone think I’m some kind of idiot? Carly, the first time I met Jason, he was leaning over Nikolas’s bleeding body because Nikolas got shot standing next to him. I’ve taken care of his bullet wounds. Hid him from people who wanted him dead. I got kidnapped because of him. This is actually the second time I’ve been almost shot standing in the same area as him.”

“Uh huh.” Carly nodded. “But you didn’t have a kid before. And I’m not interested in watching Jason fall in love with a kid only to have you walk away—”

“A little hypocritical coming from you, don’t you think?” Elizabeth asked coolly.

“Starting to remember why I don’t like you,” Carly muttered as she took another sip of her drink.

“Because I have a long memory?”

“Because you are annoying,” Carly said through clenched teeth. “I’m just—Yes. I hurt Jason a long time ago. I’ve been trying to make up for it, okay? So if you’re going to use this as an excuse to run away again, I’d rather you did it now instead of later. Before Jason can get more attached.”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I didn’t run the last time. Jason shoved me out the door because of the danger. And if anyone walks away because of this, it won’t be me.” Elizabeth sat down. “Can I eat my dinner now, or do you have anything else irritating to say?”

Carly narrowed her eyes, then sat down across from her. “Thank you, by the way. For taking care of Morgan.” With a sigh, “I’m never going to like you, Elizabeth, but you’re a good mother. I know I can trust my boys with you.”

“That might be the first thing we can agree about.”

Blue and red lights flashed through the sheer curtains. They went to the window as Carly sighed. “Well, the PCPD are back.”

“And they got through the gates.” Elizabeth let the curtain fall back in place. She exchanged a troubled look with the blonde because they knew what that meant.

Port Charles Police Department: Squad Room

Jason scowled when he and Sonny walked through the double doors of the room. He didn’t mind the dirty looks from the cops. He’d expected to be dragged to the station once they’d learned Beaudry hadn’t survived the trip to the hospital. He’d been an asshole, but Jason knew a dead cop would only make all of this worse.

No, what he really wasn’t in the mood for was seeing Lucky Spencer and Audrey Hardy standing with Mac Scorpio.

Sonny followed his gaze and sighed. “Well, this should be fun. You think Justus is here yet?”

“You need to send a car out,” Lucky told Mac, his face flushed. He threw his hands up, gesturing at Jason and Sonny. “They’re keeping her locked out there—I can’t see my wife or son—I don’t know if they’re hurt—”

Jason scowled. They couldn’t get a search warrant for the estate, but if Mac thought he had exigent circumstances, they could get onto the property.

“Damn it,” Sonny muttered. He twisted around. “Where the hell is Justus—”

As Lucky continued to rant, Jason watched Elizabeth’s grandmother because he had a bad feeling if she backed up Lucky’s demands, Mac might be swayed. Tempers were running high, and Lucky was clearly irate. But Audrey knew Elizabeth had moved out—

“Tell them, Audrey! Tell them they wouldn’t let me see my own kid!” Lucky growled. “You need to let me get them, Mac! I need to know they’re safe!”

Mac hesitated, looked over at Jason and Sonny with an irritated look, then looked back at Lucky. “Look, I can’t just search the property, Lucky. I need proof that they’re hurt or in danger.”

“Audrey—” Lucky looked at his wife’s grandmother, pleading. “Tell them. You know Elizabeth needs me. She’s making a mistake. She’s not safe there.”

Audrey hesitated, looked at Lucky again, then frowned at him. Jason wished he knew what the older woman was thinking, if she was at all disturbed by the rage shaking Lucky’s shoulders, the trembling of his hands, the fury glinting in his eyes.

This was not a man that Jason wanted near anyone, much less Elizabeth, but Audrey Hardy had always thought any man would be safer for her granddaughter than him.

“If she says yes,” Sonny muttered, “I am not in the mood for this bullshit. I told you not to fuck with a cop’s wife.”

Jason sent him an irritated glare but said nothing.

Finally, Audrey sighed and looked at Mac. “I talked to Elizabeth no less than an hour ago, Mac. She was shaken up, but she said she was fine. She and Jason took Morgan home to be with his parents. The little boy was upset. Elizabeth stayed there because Cameron and Morgan are close, and she wanted them to feel better.”

Jason released a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He hadn’t expected Audrey to back Elizabeth up, but they’d gotten lucky. For tonight, at least, Audrey had decided to take Elizabeth at her word.

“Finally!” Sonny said as Justus entered the room behind them. “Can you get us out of here?”

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Greystone Manor: Guest Room

It was after midnight before Elizabeth saw the gates open again. She should have gone to sleep hours ago, but she’d hoped Justus would get Jason and Sonny released quickly.

And she wasn’t going to be able to rest until she and Jason were able to talk.

Carly had left her after dinner, leaving Elizabeth to pace the confines of the room, switch the television off and on, getting annoyed every time the news mentioned the shooting and seemed to blame it on Jason.

She’d talked briefly to Emily, to Robin and Patrick, to check on them. She’d gone to check on Cameron, but he and Morgan were snuggled in Morgan’s bed and sleeping like the dead.

She’d sent Jason a text message telling him that she’d wait up to talk to him as soon as he could see her.

Not long after the gates opened, there was a light knock on her door. She pulled it open, relieved to see Jason standing there—even if he looked like he’d rather be anywhere else.

“Hey,” he said as she closed the door behind him. She wrapped her arms around his waist, and he pulled her tight against him—she just wanted to be close to him. To know he was okay. They stood in silence for a long moment. “You okay?”

“Yeah. I was just worried they would keep you overnight. Carly and I knew we had to stay upstairs, but—” Elizabeth sighed, pressing her forehead against his chest. “I hated not knowing.”

“Justus came pretty quickly,” Jason told her. He hesitated. “Your grandmother was there. I think she was waiting to talk to Mac, but—Lucky was there. He was trying to get Mac to come back here and get you.”

“I guess I’m just glad Mac didn’t try—”

“That’s because your grandmother told Mac she’d already talked to you and that you were fine.”

“Really?” Elizabeth raised her brows. “I would have thought she’d want Mac to drag me out of here kicking and screaming—”

“I think Lucky made her uncomfortable.” Jason exhaled slowly. “I also think your grandmother didn’t want you to be in the middle of that.”

He crossed the room to the sitting area, and she followed him. “I appreciate you—that you just did what I needed you to do today. I know you don’t like being told what to do—”

“I don’t, but that wasn’t an ordinary situation. When it comes to my son’s safety, I’ll do what has to be done.” She sighed. “I know you feel guilty about today, but—you never would have gone out with us in the open if you’d thought there might be violence.”

“That’s just it—I can’t ever know—” Jason scowled and sat on the sofa, putting his head in his hands. “I can’t ever know for sure—”

“No one can.” She paused, remembering what she and Sam had talked about earlier. “You’re not Superman, Jason. I keep telling you that.” She sat next to him, pulling his arm down so he’d look at her. “You can’t control the world. You can’t save everyone.”

“I don’t—” Jason stopped, shook his head. “That’s not what I’m trying to do—”

“No? Jason, you and I were at a carnival full of people. Someone took a shot at a cop, and he died. I get why you have to take precautions, but—” She lifted a shoulder. “I think you also have to admit there’s a decent chance this was about Jesse.” Elizabeth winced. “This sounds terrible, but it’s not that hard for me to believe he pissed someone off to the point of violence.”

“Elizabeth—”

She took his hand between both of hers, waiting until he met her eyes. “I know all the things you want to say to me. It’s the same conversation we’ve been having since we met. And my answer is still the same. You’re the one that keeps wanting to choose for me.” Her eyes burned. “You said that you were sorry you’d made that choice for me. You said that. Months ago, when it was about Emily and Sonny, when it was about Sam.”

“I—” Jason just stared at her. “How can you want this? Forget about you. What about Cameron?”

“We’re really back to this.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. Had it only been yesterday that she’d ended her marriage? Was she doomed to repeat the same mistakes forever? She’d gone through the same cycle with Lucky as she had five years ago. Now she was having this conversation with Jason again.

Was Ric next? Was she really that stupid?

“I wish I could wrap my son in a bubble and protect him from the entire world. I can’t. Because there is danger everywhere. Yeah, some of it comes from standing next to you. But it also comes from fire, from car accidents, from illnesses, from people who are supposed to love you—” She broke off as she realized what she was really saying.

Cameron had been in danger every day she’d let him live in a home with an abusive husband. Because one day, Lucky’s anger might have turned to her son. And she’d let it happen. She’d let Cameron watch Lucky hurt her and done nothing.

“I can’t control the world, Jason. I just can’t. All I can do is surround my little boy with love. With people who want the best for him and love him.”

“I do love him,” Jason said in a low voice. “Elizabeth—” He shook his head. “Maybe this isn’t the right time.” He pushed himself to his feet. “I should let you get some sleep—”

She grabbed his arm as he started to walk past her. “I told you yesterday I wasn’t—that I wasn’t ready to go anywhere with this. Not yet. But we need to get this out of the way because I don’t want to push this conversation down the road five more months. I am tired, Jason, of standing in front of you, begging you to love me.”

“Elizabeth—” Stunned, he turned to face her. “That’s not what this is—”

“Then what is it? Why can you take a chance with other women but never with me?”

“I—” Jason swallowed. “I don’t know. I just—” He looked at her arm, where the bullet wound lay hidden beneath the shirt she’d borrowed from Carly. “I don’t want to watch you bleed. I just want you to be safe.”

“Safe,” Elizabeth repeated. She didn’t even know what that word meant anymore. She couldn’t remember that last time she’d felt truly safe. She exhaled. “Fine. Fine.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t. Because I’ve told you over and over again—I’m willing to take that risk. And you’re not. Maybe you never will be.” Her chest hurt as she turned away, putting her hands over her face. How many times was she going to do this to herself?

“I’d rather you be alive and hate me than stay with me and get hurt,” Jason said finally. “I can live with that. I need you to be safe. I can’t—” He just shook his head. “I can’t get this right.”

“And what does safe mean?” she asked softly. “Because Manny kidnapped me, went after me—” Elizabeth stabbed a finger at him. “And don’t tell me he only went after me the second time because of you—because he was always going to come for me. And that happened while I was with Lucky. Was I safer then?”

“I—” Jason exhaled slowly, looked away. “No. I guess not.”

“What about the crap I went through with Cassadines—with Helena trying to kill me for years because of the Spencers? Was I safe then? What about Ric? Was I safe then—what the hell does safe mean?” she demanded. “Does it mean alive? Well, great. I’ve been breathing for the past four years. You got what you wanted. I’m safe.”

She stalked away towards the window, dragging her hands through her hair, digging her fingers into her scalp. And he didn’t even know the worst of it.

Would he really be standing here telling her she was safer away from him if she told him about how much Lucky had really hurt her? If he knew about the bruises she’d hidden—the cuts she’d lied about—

“How long do you think I’ll have to stay here?” Elizabeth asked dully.

“We’ll hear back from Mateo Escobar tomorrow,” Jason said. She turned at the sound of his voice—realizing he’d walked up behind her. “He runs a small gang out of Courtland Street. He’s the only one who could have done this, and we don’t even think it’s likely to be him. Not directly.” He sighed. “You’re right. Beaudry was probably the target.”

“Well, he really was an asshole, but I’m sorry that he’ll never get the chance to grow up. And I’m sorry for Maxie. She’ll have a tough time ahead of her.”

Elizabeth turned to look up at him. “I get it, Jason. You don’t want me to get hurt because of you. You don’t want anything to happen to me, or to Cameron. But that’s my choice to make. Not yours. You either respect that, or you don’t.”

“I do.” Jason traced the line of her jaw. “I’m sorry. I keep messing this up. I don’t want you to walk away. I don’t want to lose the chance that, at some point, you’ll be ready. But I won’t apologize for not wanting you hurt. For wanting you to be safe.”

“Then you need to redefine what safe means to you,” Elizabeth told him. She fisted her hands in his shirt. “Because safe shouldn’t mean unhappy. And that’s all it’s ever been to me.”

He leaned his forehead against hers, their breaths mingling as their lips brushed against each other. “Elizabeth—”

“And tonight…I don’t want to be safe.” She slid her hand around the back of his neck to kiss him fully, to press her body against his. His breathing was shallow when their lips parted. “Stay with me.”

“Elizabeth—” His hands, tangled in her hair, tightened a bit, lifting her chin so he could deepen the kiss. “Are you sure—I don’t want to rush you—”

“I’m tired of not taking chances.”

Jason drew back slightly, his thumb brushing the bottom of her lip. His eyes searched hers. The air around them seemed to crackle with electricity as her breath quickened. Elizabeth’s heart pounded an erratic rhythm. He reclaimed her lips, crushing her against him.

They stumbled towards the bed as she clumsily reached for the bottom of his t-shirt. Elizabeth fell backward against the soft mattress. Jason was more careful as he stripped the shirt from her, easing it over her shoulder. He brushed his lips against her bandage, trailing his mouth from her wrist to her shoulder, then to her collar bone.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her with one arm, settling her back against the pillows. She couldn’t help but giggle breathlessly as her jeans joined his on the floor.

Jason looked at her with a wicked grin she’d never seen before. “What’s so funny?” he murmured, his breath hot against her neck.

“Just—” Elizabeth moaned slightly as that mouth drifted lower again. “Just that I wish I’d worn something more interesting if I’d—I’d known it was going to be seen by someone else—”

He brushed her hair out of her face, pausing to look at her. “You’re perfect,” he told her in a gravelly, rough tone that sent shivers cascading throughout her body. “Just the way you are.”

She slid her hand around the nape of his neck and pulled him down to her, kissing him hungrily, the way she’d always wanted to, the way she had in all her dreams over the years.

This was what she deserved, and Elizabeth didn’t want to waste a minute of it.

Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise
So casually cruel in the name of being honest
I’m a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
‘Cause I remember it all, all, all too well
Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it
I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it
– All Too Well, Taylor Swift

---

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Greystone: Guest Room

Elizabeth stirred awake as she heard sounds in the room around her. Forgetting momentarily where she was, she rolled over and opened her eyes. She expected to see Cameron bounding out of his bedroom to climb onto her sofa bed and ask for something to eat.

Instead, she found the dimly lit, luxuriously furnished guest room at Sonny’s estate, the hint of the morning sun sliding between the openings in the curtains—

And across the room, Jason Morgan was pulling on a pair of black cotton briefs.

Oh, right.

She closed her eyes and fell on her back, staring up at the cream-colored ceiling, pulling the sheet up under her shoulders.

She’d slept with Jason. She’d asked him to stay—and he had.

“Hey.”

She felt the bed dip under his weight as his voice came closer. Elizabeth opened her eyes again, turning her head again to find that Jason was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he murmured. “I was worried that Cameron might come in.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest and dragging a hand through her hair. “Um, what time is it?” she asked as she looked around for a clock. “It’s…almost six?”

“Yeah, you should go back to sleep,” he told her. “We, ah—” Jason cleared his throat. “We didn’t go to bed until a few hours ago.”

Her cheeks flushed. “No, but—” She took a deep breath. “Cam wakes up at seven most of the time, so there’s no point.” Elizabeth met his eyes, but it was hard to read the expression in the dim room. “So. Hey.”

The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. “Hey.”

“So, this, um—” Elizabeth laughed, shook her head. “I’m sorry. I don’t—I feel so silly. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” He tipped his head to the side. “Are you okay? With…”

“I don’t know,” Elizabeth answered honestly. “I…I’m not sorry. I don’t have any regrets,” she added in a hurry when he sighed. “I just…um, I didn’t wake up yesterday and think today’s the day I’m going to—” She huffed. “I’m not explaining this right.”

“Elizabeth.”

She bit her lip and met his eyes again. “I’m not sorry. Yesterday was insane. And I was scared. For you, for me, for the boys, and Emily. I hate that they saw that. And I was irritated because I knew we were going to have to have that fight, you know? And I just—” She leaned back against the headboard. “I didn’t think we’d have to have that conversation for a while.”

“I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “I know it feels like we always have the same fight.”

“Because we do.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes and huffed. “And I manage to win in the moment, but it’s like—I win the battle, but I never get to stop fighting the war. I don’t want to do this again next year, in two years.” She met his eyes. “This is the last time, Jason. I don’t know what I want tomorrow to look like. But I know that I’m done convincing you that this is something I am choosing with my eyes wide open. You either accept that, or you don’t.”

“And I accept it,” he said simply. “You’re right. And I get it. This wasn’t something either of us was planning to deal with yet. So if you…” He gestured at the bed, at the sheet she was still clutching against her like a suit of armor. “If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.”

“I just—I don’t know,” Elizabeth answered. “I just know that I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve done that enough. I’m not going back to Lucky. But I just don’t know that I’m ready to choose this. Not yet. I want to be. And last night…” She reached out to touch his cheek. “Last night wasn’t a decision I made lightly. I wanted to be with you. And I’m not sorry.”

“I’m not sorry, either.”

“So what happens today?” she asked. “With all of this—I know you hate to talk about business with me—”

Jason hesitated. “It’s not that I hate it—that’s a rule Sonny taught me. Don’t tell anyone who needs plausible deniability. But it’s also an easy way to keep people out. Sonny does that. And I don’t want to do that. Not again.” He paused. “And you were right when you said if you choose this, if you walk over that line, you deserve to understand the risk.”

He’d remembered. “Thank you.”

“You’ve proven you can be trusted. And you’re here because I asked you to come. The way Carly just drops everything and brings Michael and Morgan if she’s asked to. That’s just something she does, no matter how terrible things are with Sonny or how much they argue. Thank you for that.”

“It’s what you needed, and it was the safest place for my son. There was no contest.”

“I told you last night we were waiting to hear from Mateo Escobar. He’s a small-time guy, runs a couple of clubs over on Courtland Street. They run the drugs in Port Charles,” Jason admitted. “Sonny used to try to keep them out, but—”

“But they just kept coming. Moreno, Sorel, Roscoe…” Elizabeth nodded. “I remember. I know some of the Escobars. They were always in the ER being stitched up when I was on my rotation there. Why would they come after you?”

“They’ve been pushing out of their territory lately,” Jason admitted. “Luke’s, the high school, Kelly’s. Sonny hadn’t decided to do anything about it yet, which is why yesterday doesn’t make sense. It’s…” He shook his head. “I don’t know. If it’s not the Escobars—I don’t know. And I hate that. It’s one thing to think it’s probably not us, but I’d rather know for sure.”

“So….I guess Cameron and I might be here a while?” she asked, unsure how she would ever explain that to her grandmother without an argument. And she still had to deal with the end of her marriage—

But Jason was already shaking his head. “No. Jesse Beaudry is—a cop’s dead. No one is going to want to keep the heat going. But…” He sighed. “I’m sorry. I don’t know. Maybe one more night to be safe—”

“Okay.” She flashed him a smile when he didn’t look convinced. “Really, Jason. It’s okay. We’ll wait to see what happens after Sonny meets with this guy. I better get up and get showered. Maybe I can get something to eat before Cameron gets going.”

“I should go before he gets up.” He winced. “Or before Carly does. I’m not in the mood to have that argument.”

“Me either,” Elizabeth offered dryly, as she watched him finish dressing. She got out of bed and found the robe Carly had left for her. She tied the belt as Jason pulled on his shirt and picked up his boots.

Before he left, she went to him to lightly brush her lips over his. “I meant it. I’m not sorry,” she told him softly.

“Me, either.” He kissed her again, then left.

No Name Restaurant: Private Room

Sonny frowned as the door closed on Mateo Escobar and his entourage. He turned to Jason, gestured back at the door. “What do you think about that?”

“I don’t like it,” Jason said with a shake of his head. “He thinks we should relax because it was his nephew who ordered the shooting, and he’s being dealt with.” Jason shook his head. “No. He refused to give us the name of the customer or tell us what the problem was so we could check up on it..”

“And why the hell they picked that moment to shoot at a crowd of kids? With my kid and enforcer standing right in the line of fire?” Sonny shook his head and sipped the coffee as Jason paced the small room. “That idiot Santiago felt secure enough to order a hit that killed a cop—”

“You think he’s lying about the target? You still think it was Beaudry?” Jason went to the window to watch as Mateo’s car pulled out of the parking lot, followed by two more SUVs. “Pretty dumb to take out a cop, even if he was undercover.”

Sonny squinted. “The only thing I am sure of is that Carly and Elizabeth can take the kids home. We don’t have to stay on the estate—”

Jason looked at him, bewildered. “We don’t know who the target was—Elizabeth was still in the line of fire—”

“She was, but she was grazed. Beaudry was hit with a headshot. He picked the wrong moment to get bitchy with her—it was probably the first time he was facing the shooters—” Sonny got to his feet. “I don’t think we’re out of the woods as far as the Escobars are concerned, but I also don’t think we need to worry about Carly or Elizabeth and the kids.”

Jason shook his head. “Sonny—”

“Look—” His partner looked at him as he stood by the door, his hand on the handle. “I get it. You and Elizabeth aren’t sure what you are, and she was lucky yesterday. The boys being there, Emily being there—it’s a lot. But I’m not locking Carly up any longer than I have to. She only agrees to come to the estate if I don’t push it.”

When Jason said nothing, Sonny sighed. “If you’re really not convinced Elizabeth and Cameron are safe, then take them to your place. They’d probably be more comfortable there anyway.” Sonny tilted his head. “Or maybe you’re worried if you push it another night, Elizabeth might not want to stay—”

Jason shook his head. He wished Sonny would stop saying shit like that—dropping hints that whatever was happening with Elizabeth was that weak. After yesterday—after last night—he knew without a doubt that Elizabeth wouldn’t balk at spending a night at his place to keep Cameron safe.

She’d never blinked, never hesitated—not once in all these weeks. Stalked and kidnapped by a psychopath, shot it in front of her son, locked on an estate for nearly twenty-four hours—

And the only time she’d been ready to walk was when he hadn’t been ready to trust her to stay.

He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

“Elizabeth will do whatever’s necessary to make sure Cameron is safe,” Jason said flatly. “I already talked to her about it. I think you’re wrong. I think Mateo knows exactly what the hell is going on and isn’t telling us. You should think about why that’s a problem—”

“Jase—I know he’s lying to us. I’m just not sure it’s our problem to solve. He needs to get his boys under control, but if it’s an internal power struggle, it’s really not our business—”

“They’re having this fight out in the open, Sonny,” Jason retorted. “They’re dealing at the high school, pushing in at Kelly’s and Luke’s—and they just shot up a park in broad daylight!”

Sonny exhaled slowly as if he was trying to find the patience to deal with a tantrum, and Jason narrowed his eyes. “Okay. So we make it clear to Mateo he needs to get the boys under control. We’ll take care of Santiago ourselves if he doesn’t clean it up. But beyond that? This is the same fight we’ve been having for months. Do you want to go to war with the Escobars? Is that it?”

“No,” Jason said after a long moment. “Fine. We’ll give Mateo the chance to fix things. But they’re getting bolder. This time, it was a cop that we don’t give a damn about—next time—”

He shook his head and pushed past Sonny to head to the parking lot. Jason was done arguing with Sonny. He wasn’t going to change his mind, and Jason knew he was going to have to deal with it on his own.

Greystone Manor: Living Room

Carly and Elizabeth were waiting for them when Sonny and Jason returned to the state. Carly stood up from the sofa, crossed her arms, and arched her brows.

“I don’t need any details. I just want to know if me and the boys are safe? Can we go?”

“Uh, yeah, you can go.” Sonny grimaced. “Thanks for this, Carly. I know you hate it.”

Elizabeth looked at Jason and Sonny. “That goes for me and Cam, right? We’re okay?”

“You’re okay to leave,” Sonny said before Jason could say anything. “Why?”

She didn’t answer him but looked at Carly instead. “I need to go by the apartment to pack a few things,” Elizabeth told her. “And I don’t want Cameron somewhere where Lucky might…” She sighed. “My grandmother might let Lucky see or even take Cameron. I hate to ask you, but could you watch him for a few hours? I can pick him up later—”

“Sure. I get it. I’ve been through a messy divorce or two.” She eyed Sonny. “Or three.” Carly shrugged and went upstairs. Sonny scowled, then followed her.

Elizabeth looked at Jason, who didn’t look as relieved as she might have expected upon learning that they were safe to leave. “What’s wrong? Do you not want us to go?”

“No, it’s not—” Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not satisfied with Mateo’s explanations.” He walked closer to her, dropping his voice slightly. “He said his nephew was behind it. That there was some kind of mistake about a customer. He said it had nothing to do with me or Sonny. I believe that. I just don’t think he was telling us everything.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth waited a minute, but he said nothing else. “Jason, do you want me to stay here another night?”

“No, no. I just—” He shook his head, sighed. “Sonny doesn’t feel the same way, and we’ve already had an argument about it. Carly wasn’t at the park, and they’re divorced, so it’s simple for him.”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “You were shot at. I don’t know why they’d be shooting at you, but I didn’t realize until it was too late that Manny was after you. I just don’t want to make the mistake and think things are okay if they’re not—”

Elizabeth bit her lip. “Why don’t Cam and I come to the penthouse? We’ll stay the night, and maybe you’ll feel better about everything tomorrow. I don’t want you to worry about me, and I don’t want to take any chances either—I want to make sure Cameron is safe.”

“You can stay in the guest room,” Jason said immediately. “I was going to ask you to come stay with me, but I didn’t want it to feel like I was assuming anything or—I don’t know—that it might make you think about the last time you were there—”

“That was four years ago. I also know how to say no, Jason.” She managed a smile. “And I know you know how to hear it. But I meant it about needing some things from my apartment. I really just went to my grandmother’s with a few things. So, let me call Luke or Bobbie, and make sure Lucky is with one of them. Is it okay if Carly still takes Cam with her?”

“Yeah, yeah. They’ll have the guards at their place just like usual.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth paused. “Thank you. For being honest with me about this.” She pressed her hand to his chest, over his heart. He covered it with his own. “It means a lot to me that you’ve listened to me.”

“I don’t want to make the same mistakes again.”

“We won’t.” She kissed his cheek. “I’ll go get my things together and let Cameron know the plan.”

Port Charles Municipal Building: DA’s Office

Alexis Davis grimaced as she checked the list of voice mails she had, her head down as she walked through the entrance of her suite. “Ronnie, hold my calls,” she barked to her secretary. “I have a meeting with the mayor in an hour and Mac still doesn’t have any news on the shooter in the park—”

“Uh, Ms. Davis—” Her secretary cleared her throat and stepped in front of Alexis’s office door, forcing the district attorney to look up and focus on her. “Um, someone says they need to meet with you and won’t leave until you do.”

Alexis frowned and turned away to look at the woman sitting in one of the armchairs in the waiting area. “What are you doing here?”

Sam got to her feet and folded her arms. “I have a few things I need to ask you about.”

Alexis sighed, impatient, really not in the mood to be accused of whatever was going wrong in Sam’s life this week. “Make it quick. I have a meeting—”

“With the mayor, yeah, I heard.” Sam arched a dark brow. “You’re very important. But I think we might want some privacy for this.”

Alexis rolled her eyes and looked at her secretary. “Give me ten minutes.” She turned back to Sam. “Let’s ago.”

When Alexis’s door was closed, and the two of them were alone in her office, Alexis dropped her briefcase on the desk and looked expectantly at Sam. “Well?”

“Well, Natasha…” Sam tilted her head to the side. “That’s your real name, isn’t it? Natasha?”

“Common knowledge—”

“Well, Natasha, I’d like to know who my father is,” Sam told her. “Since the birth certificate on file with the state of Maine says unknown. Oh, and did you even bother to name me before you threw me away?”

Lucky & Elizabeth’s Apartment: Living Room

Elizabeth opened the door and stepped inside, followed by Jason. She was nervous about being back here, not having been inside she’d left on Friday. According to a quick conversation with Bobbie, Lucky was at the police station and would be there most of the day.

She realized now that she’d forgotten just how the apartment looked before she’d left on Friday—or that it could look even worse. The table next to the sofa had been turned over, the coffee table had been flipped, and one of the legs was broken.

Cameron’s toys had been strewn all over his room. She dimly remembered now that Lucky had thrown the toy organizer across the room, scattering toys everywhere. But now—she realized he had come back into the room at some point and continued the rampage.

Elizabeth stared at the destruction of her son’s room, of the space she’d given her little boy to feel safe and happy, and wanted to weep all over again for the choices she’d made.

Jason drew in a sharp breath—likely remembering Cameron’s careful pride in his toys. Some of the action figures had been stomped on and broken into pieces—including one of the race cars he’d shown Jason that night.

Jason knelt down to pick up pieces of the plastic. He turned them over in his hands, then looked at Elizabeth. She just closed her eyes, praying he wouldn’t ask what he must be thinking.

“Let’s put the broken ones aside,” Jason said finally. “W can replace them. Maybe I can do that before he knows they’re gone.”

Elizabeth wanted to argue with him, but God, he was doing it for Cameron. And that was the most important thing. She just nodded and knelt beside him, and they started to sort the toys back into the containers. She’d planned to just bring some of his favorites and come for the rest later, but—

If she left them here again, how did she even know they’d be here the next time?

“I’ll take them down to the SUV,” Jason told her. “There’s not that many containers. I can do do it in a few trips. Or, if you want, I can get a few guys with boxes. We’ll get everything cleared out today.”

“I—” Her throat was so tight, she almost couldn’t breathe. “I want to say no,” she said finally. “But I can’t. Yeah. Can you do that? I don’t care about my stuff, but Cameron—these are his—” A tear slid down her cheek. “Oh, God.” She pressed her hands to her face. “What have I done—”

“It’s over now,” Jason told her. He drew her to her feet. “It’s over. You’re leaving. Right? You’re not coming back. So don’t focus on that anymore. Let’s get things packed. I’ll go call Cody. They’ll be here in ten minutes. They can just grab some boxes from the warehouses, and we’ll store it wherever you want.”

“Okay. Okay. Thank you.” She managed a smile. “Thank you. For caring about his things as much as I do. I need to replace them. I might have to borrow money or—” When he just stared at her, she laughed lightly. “Right. Stupid. But thank you. Knowing that you love my little boy is just—it makes this easier.”

“He’s easy to love.” He kissed her forehead. “Keep packing. I’ll call Cody.”

He stepped into the living room while Elizabeth finished packing Cameron’s toys back into their plastic containers. Then she started to sort through his clothes, stacking them so they could easily be put into boxes. When Cameron’s things were organized, she moved on to the dresser she kept in the bedroom.

She put her own clothes into piles on the bed, setting aside things to take to Jason’s and others to leave for her grandmother’s. When she was done, she started to lift her jewelry box from the top of the dresser—then stopped as her wedding ring flashed in her face.

Elizabeth stared at it, then yanked it off her finger. She nearly threw it across the room, but then thought better of it. She could always sell or pawn it later. She lifted the top of the jewelry box—then just stared.

It was nearly empty. All that was left was some of the costume jewelry that she wore on an everyday basis—anything valuable was missing. The bracelet her grandmother had given her, a pair of earrings her parents had sent one year for her birthday, a necklace—

“Elizabeth—”

“My jewelry is gone,” she said softly. She turned to look at Jason, stunned. “Everything that was worth more than twenty bucks.”

Jason swallowed hard, then walked forward. “When was the last time you saw it?”

“Thursday, before I left for work,” Elizabeth said. She dropped her wedding ring in the box. “I wear this necklace—” She pressed her hand to her chest, picking up the thin gold strand with her thumb. “My grandmother gave it to me for my last birthday—” She closed her eyes. “Why would he take them?”

“I don’t know,” Jason said. “Maybe—maybe Luke or Bobbie could find out for you.” There was something in the tone of his voice that made her look at him with some hesitation. “Cody is on his way. He’ll be here in ten minutes with two other guys. He’s bringing a van in case you want to bring anything else that won’t fit in my SUV.”

“We should get packing.” Elizabeth set the jewelry box back on her dresser and went to her closet.

She never wanted to come back here again.

Port Charles Municipal Building: DA’s Office

Alexis swallowed hard as she stared at Sam. “I’m sorry,” she said. “Could you—” She took a deep breath. “Could you start from the beginning?”

“Never mind—this was a terrible idea,” Sam muttered. She didn’t know why she was here—why she had taken Elizabeth’s advice—

She’d been arranging her plane ticket out of Port Charles this morning and was just struck with a desperate urge to know why she’d been given away. She had thought Alexis would deny it, that she would even refuse to see her—that she’d do something other than look at her with a devastated expression.

She turned and started for the door, but Alexis rushed past her, flattening herself against the office door.

“No. No.” Alexis just stared at her. “No. There must be a mistake. Mikkos—he took you—and I looked—I looked, but they said you’d died. I looked. There must be a mistake.”

Sam took a step back, shook her head again. “What are you talking about? The records were right there. I mean, we had to hack into them because Maine refused to tell me anything legally, but—”

“I—” Alexis raised a hand in the air, curled it into a first. “Just give me a second. My head is spinning. I—” She took another deep breath. “I was sixteen. I was in a girl’s school in Vermont, and I’d snuck out for the night a college bar. I didn’t know the boy very well. I don’t even—” Her cheeks flushed. “I didn’t get his last name, but his name was Julian. He was very sweet, and we were both very drunk. I never saw him again. I got caught sneaking out, and Mikkos moved me to a stricter school.”

“Okay.” Sam folded her arms, lifted her chin. “So he forced you to give up your kid for adoption. But he died like eight minutes later, so—”

“He did. But you don’t know what Mikkos Cassadine was like—” Alexis shook her head. “You don’t know what Helena was like. Not really. She killed my mother. I hid my sister away to protect her. That’s why I became a lawyer. I thought I could be in charge then. After I graduated from law school, I went to Maine. I tried to find—I find to find the clinic, the agency, but it was all gone. Mikkos had created both just to hide everything—and then had closed them as soon as the baby was—”

Alexis’s voice trembled. “But I looked, Sam. I looked anyway. And they told me that my little girl had been adopted into a family and had died at the age of seven in a car accident. I was devastated. I never—I don’t know if there was a mistake or if Mikkos put something in the system in case I ever tried to look—”

“Well, there’s no mistake now,” Sam muttered, looking away from the shattered look in the older woman’s eyes. “Jason had his suspicions when we were told my mother’s name on the birth certificate was Natasha Davis. So he ran a DNA test behind my back.”

“A DNA—” Alexis closed her eyes. “Oh, God, you must have been horrified. I know how you feel about me.”

“Well, you don’t think much of me either—”

“It’s—” Alexis shook her head. “Sam, none of that matters now. I just—” She pressed her lips together. “I didn’t know your father, but yes, you had a name. I named you for my mother. Kristin. In my head, I always called you Kristie.” Tears were sliding down her cheeks as she laughed. She pressed her hands to her cheeks. “That sounds silly now, doesn’t it? Can you imagine growing up as Kristie?”

Sam’s chest was tightened. “Yeah, maybe. I’ve seen you with Kristina and Molly, so maybe I can imagine what it might have been like to have a mother.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “This isn’t going the way I wanted it to.”

“Sam—”

“You’re not my mother. This isn’t—” She huffed, looked away. “I’m not looking for a family. I’m not looking for sisters or a mother. And definitely not a stepfather.”

“I get that—”

“I only—” Sam threw up her hands. “I only came because I’m leaving Port Charles, and I guess I just—someone told me not to leave anything unfinished. Now I think I should have told her to mind her own damn business.”

“Please—don’t—don’t go—”

But Sam reached past Alexis and tugged open the door. “Have a nice life—”

“Don’t go—”

But Sam had already left, leaving her mother in tears.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

“Thanks for letting me use the storage space here at the Towers,” Elizabeth said as Jason closed the door behind him. “And I guess it’s a good thing that Cam wanted to sleep over with Morgan again. Do you think I’m wrong for letting him? He’s spent so much time at Carly’s this week—”

“I think it might be easier for him there,” Jason said slowly, “than having to sleep in another new place tonight. He loves Morgan’s house, and he’s comfortable there. You’re not wrong to let him.”

“I guess. Maybe I should be concerned that my two-year-old has no problems sleeping in a house without me.” Elizabeth sighed and rubbed her cheeks, her eyes aching from crying again. She just wanted to be done with the tears. “I want to be with him, but you’re right. Another new place would be hard for him. And Morgan has a playroom that’s bigger than our apartment.”

“You’re a great mother,” Jason told her. He put his hands on her shoulders, rubbing them slightly. “You’ve raised a great, funny kid who’s comfortable around people he knows he can trust. And he’s starting nursery school in the fall, isn’t he? He’ll be socialized and ready.”

“You always know how to make me feel better,” Elizabeth said, her chest relaxing. “Thanks. You’re right, of course.” She sighed. “I’m just—” She shook her head. “I don’t know. It’s been a crazy forty-eight hours.”

“It has—”

The phone rang on the desk, and Jason answered it. “Hello? Hey, Walt. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that’s fine.” He put the phone down. “Robin’s on her way up.”

“Robin?” Elizabeth frowned. “How did she know I was here? I was going to call Emily, but—”

There was a knock on the door a few minutes later, and Robin smiled sheepishly when Jason pulled it open. “Hey, I hope it’s okay that I popped over. I ran into Bobbie at GH, and she mentioned you were staying here tonight. I managed to stop Patrick and Emily from rushing over and bombarding you.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth nodded, still a bit confused. “Yeah. I guess that makes sense. Um—”

“I wanted to check in with you. Because, you know, I talked to Emily. And I know what’s been happening.” She pressed her lips together. “And because of Jesse.”

“Oh,” Elizabeth repeated. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ve been thinking about Maxie. How are you all holding up?”

“I’m okay. I didn’t know Jesse well, and well, you know we didn’t get along, “Robin admitted. “But Maxie is devastated. Felicia and Georgie are with her.”

“I’m gonna let you guys talk,” Jason said. He hesitated, looking at Elizabeth. “I need to go check on a few things. Cody will be downstairs if you want to go out.”

“I wasn’t planning on it since I’m off today, but thanks. I’ll see you when you get back.” She watched him leave before looking back at Robin. “I guess you’re really here because Bobbie said I left Lucky.”

“Emily told me that last night. We were talking about what happened,” Robin said. “And she said Jesse was fighting with you about Lucky, about you being at the park with Jason. And I guess—I don’t know—I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I am…” Elizabeth stopped, thinking about her answer. “I don’t know. But I think I’m getting there.”

She moved to sit on the sofa, and Robin followed her. “I went home on Friday morning after my shift, and he was already—he was already out of control. I don’t have any bruises to show for it, but he grabbed my wrist, he pushed me into the wall again—” Elizabeth rubbed her face. “And I just—I knew I had to be done. Part of me had already walked away weeks ago.”

“I’m sorry you went through that. I’m glad you’re standing in front of me now.” Robin pursed her lips. “But this is the most dangerous time, you know that, right? After leaving. Have you talked to Jason about this yet?”

“I wasn’t going to,” Elizabeth admitted. “I thought maybe I could hide it. Everyone would think we’d divorced over Jason or Lucky’s job, or something else. I almost think I’d rather they think I’m unfaithful than the truth.” She laughed bitterly. “I guess I am technically unfaithful with everything that’s happened with Jason.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I wasn’t going to,” she repeated. “And then Jason and I had this stupid argument we’ve been having since the second we became more than friends. He wanted to talk to me about safety. He wants me to be safe. And I just—safe, Robin. Was I safe with Lucky? I mean, if I’m not safe being married to a cop—” She threw up her hands. “When am I supposed to be safe? What does that even mean?”

“Not much, I guess, from your perspective. Elizabeth—”

“I’m not ready to jump into anything with Jason. Not—not officially. But we both know it’s something we want. And I just—I guess I think I might need to him understand why this is a risk I’m willing to take. Because every time he decides I should be safe with someone else, I just end up miserable.” Elizabeth sighed. “I don’t want to be safe if it means I’m unhappy. Why can’t there be something in the middle?”

“I don’t know if there can be. And I don’t know what’s going to happen with Jason, but I think you should tell him what you’ve been through. Because you need to tell the people that matter. I mean, Patrick and I matter, sure,” Robin said before Elizabeth could protest, “but not the way Jason does. Not the way Emily does. And not the way your grandmother does.”

“I—”

“Because as long as you don’t tell the people who you love the most—the people who are your family—you’re still hiding it, Elizabeth. And hiding it means you’re not dealing with it.”

“I know.” Elizabeth sighed. “I almost told Jason last night. I wanted to tell him today. But we went to the apartment, and Lucky had busted up Cameron’s room. He broke some of his toys—”

“Oh, Elizabeth—”

“Jason just looked at them—he knows how much Cameron loves those toys—and he didn’t look at me with any kind of disgust or blame for going back to Lucky. He just—he just wanted to sort the broken ones so they could be replaced before Cameron knew they were gone. He loves my son, Robin. And I—we haven’t said it—but I think we love each other. And maybe it’s insane, but I don’t care about the rest of it. Because that’s what’s important.”

“Then be honest with him,” Robin advised. “And put Lucky in the past where he belongs.” She took Elizabeth’s hand in hers. “I think maybe you file a police report with my uncle. He’ll listen.”

“Would he? He didn’t after the kidnapping—”

“He will when you show him the pictures I took before Manny kidnapped you. He will when I back you up.” Robin nodded. “I’ll bring you the pictures. Just—just think about it. Because leaving Lucky—that’s important. That’s the hard part, I know, but the scary part comes now. When Lucky realizes you mean it. He already broke your son’s toys. You need to make a report—even if it goes nowhere—because it needs to be on the record.”

“I’ll—” Elizabeth managed a weak smile. “I don’t know if I’m ready for Mac. But I think—I think I do need to tell Jason. And Emily and my grandmother. I need to stop hiding and pretending it will go away.”

One day she will tell you that she has had enough
It’s coming round again
Do you feel like a man
When you push her around?
Do you feel better now, as she falls to the ground?
Well I’ll tell you my friend, one day this world’s got to end
As your lies crumble down, a new life she has found
– Facedown, The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

---

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Courtland Street: Alley

Jason parked his bike a block away from the area where he knew Santiago Escobar dealt drugs and did most of his business. He didn’t want the engine to give him away.

The night before, when Lucky had shown up at the gatehouse, there had been a light in his eyes, a weird energy in the way he carried himself—Jason had wondered at the source but hadn’t let the thought really take control. He didn’t have time to worry about Lucky Spencer, not with Elizabeth looking more done with him than ever before.

She’d walked away from Spencer last night without blinking, and he’d planned to follow her lead. Until he’d seen Lucky at the PCPD the night before—until this morning when Elizabeth’s jewelry was missing. The valuable pieces that might bring some decent cash at a pawnshop.

The cop buying drugs from the Escobars, a problem with a customer, stolen jewelry—it all added up, and Jason didn’t know how any of them had missed it. He’d avoided Lucky, and he knew Elizabeth felt guilty—

But it was clear to him that Lucky had become addicted to something in the last few months which meant Elizabeth had been the target last night—and Beaudry, the victim of a ricochet by a young, immature idiot who didn’t know better.

Santiago Escobar had his back to the street, dealing with a customer when Jason reached the entrance to the alley. The greasy man buying from Santiago paled when he realized who was standing behind his dealer.

“Uh, never mind—” He spun and took off down the alley, tripping and falling into a pile of trash.

“What the hell—” Santiago started to call after him, but his words were choked out as Jason grabbed him by the shoulders, threw him up against the brick wall of the building. He pressed his forearm against the dealer’s neck, watching as Santiago’s eyes bulged slightly.

“Morgan—what—”

“Didn’t your uncle tell you we were interested in you?” Jason shook his head. “Because I am. Do you know who was at the park yesterday?”

“Listen—it was a misunderstanding—a customer—”

“Who’s the customer?” Jason increased the pressure slightly, and Santiago gasped. “Who?”

“Uncle Matty told me not—”

“You think you can take a shot at me and walk away—”

“It wasn’t you—it was—”

“You shot at Elizabeth, didn’t you?” Jason demanded. “Because Lucky Spencer wasn’t paying his bills?” When Santiago gulped, Jason knew he’d been right. He released the dealer suddenly, letting him drop onto the filthy concrete ground.

Santiago was on all fours, gasping for air. “I didn’t know—”

“You’re too stupid to live,” Jason said, nearly as insulted as he was furious. He grabbed Santiago by the hair and threw him back against the wall. “You didn’t know who Elizabeth Webber is? You don’t pay attention to the news?”

“Her name is Spencer, dude—” Santiago wheezed as Jason slammed his fist into the asshole’s gut. “Oh, shit, shit. Shit. She was there with you?” His eyes bulged in horror. “Oh, shit.”

“Yeah, oh, shit,” Jason repeated. Without breaking a sweat, he threw Santiago against the other brick building. He slumped, falling to the ground. “You touch her or her kid—you even breathe in her direction, I’ll make you sorry you were ever born.”

“It was a mistake,” Santiago blubbered. Blood was seeping from a deep gash on his forehead. “A mistake—”

“You sent two shooters to a crowded park full of kids and innocent people so you could shoot at a customer’s wife because he owed you money?” Jason crouched down to look at the nearly incoherent drug dealer. “The only reason you’re not already dead is because your uncle said he’d deal with you.”

“B-But—”

“You stay away from Kelly’s. The high school—Luke’s—” Jason stood up and looked around the alley. “You see this alley? This is yours. You don’t leave again. You or anyone else. This is the only warning you get.”

“You—” Santiago rolled over onto his side, coughing. “Sonny would never go against my uncle—”

Jason kicked him hard—Santiago fell onto his back, moaning. “This isn’t about your uncle or Sonny. This is about you.” Jason knelt one more time. “Don’t make me regret leaving you alive.”

When Santiago just nodded, finally out of his bravado, Jason took a deep breath. “Now tell me about Lucky Spencer.”

Greystone Manor: Living Room

Sonny frowned when Jason walked back into the room three hours after he’d left. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”

Jason took a deep breath and looked at him. “I know what happened yesterday. Mateo swore it wasn’t about us. It wasn’t, but Elizabeth was the target. He just didn’t know who she was.”

“How can you be so sure?” Sonny wandered over the minibar, then winced. It was barely two in the afternoon. Without pouring the bourbon, he turned back to his partner. “Where have you been?”

“I took Elizabeth to the apartment to pack a few things, and when we got there—” Jason swallowed hard, remembering the destruction of Cameron’s bedroom, of the broken pieces of plastic that had once been the toddler’s prized toys. “It looked like Lucky had gone on a rampage. Things were torn up everywhere.”

Sonny winced. “Oh, man—”

“And Elizabeth realized her jewelry was missing. Jewelry that was there on Thursday. Before the shooting.”

Sonny furrowed his brow, but Jason could see his point was getting through to the other man. “What kind of pieces?”

“Elizabeth said they were relatively valuable. Not insanely expensive, but not cheap. A few things passed from her family. Something that might interest a pawnshop.”

“The cop we thought might be undercover,” Sonny said slowly, “was a cop making a legit buy. A cop who might want something to relieve the pain.” He exhaled slowly. “Damn it.”

“I went to Courtland Street,” Jason said flatly. “And I found Santiago Escobar. He confirmed it. Lucky Spencer’s been buying from him since March. At first, it was just oxycontin. But in the last month, he’s been buying heroin—”

“Christ—”

“On credit,” Jason finished. “When Lucky refused to pay on Friday, Santiago told his boys to send him a message. They were supposed to shoot at Elizabeth to make it clear to Lucky they could get to his family. Beaudry—it was a ricochet or something—”

He shook his head. “Lucky stole her jewelry and pawned it along with anything else he could find in the apartment. Their television was missing, too. Elizabeth didn’t realize it when we were, but I went back to the apartment to check. He made good with the Escobars today. Because he knew that the Escobars had shot up the park and why.”

“Oh, man—this is—” Sonny sat in the armchair. “They really are dumb as hell—” He stared at Jason. “That’s why Lucky was looking for Elizabeth last night. Why he was so desperate for her to come with him. He knew they were shooting at her.”

“The Escobars aren’t like you, Sonny. They’re not even like Moreno or Sorel. Or they weren’t. Mateo’s always been happy as long as you let him run his product in his territory. But Santiago is greedy, and he didn’t even think twice about going after a cop’s family. That’s a special kind of stupid.”

“So Elizabeth was, again, the target for something that had nothing to do with us.”

“Yeah.” Jason exhaled. And he’d nearly walked away from her again, thinking she might be safer without him. “I put Stan on the pawnshops — I want to get her things back. But I have to tell her, Sonny.”

“She didn’t know about the drugs? She never said anything?”

“No, but—” Jason hesitated. “She never got into the details of what was wrong with Lucky. I thought it was mostly about me, but maybe—maybe it wasn’t.” He shook his head. “I don’t think she knew.”

Sonny sighed. “You should go tell Elizabeth. She needs to get that divorce filed immediately and make it known to the world she’s not to blame for that idiot husband. Man, Lucky was such a great kid. I don’t know what the hell happened to him.” He grimaced. “And I’ll talk to Mateo again. We need to put a lid on this before the PCPD makes trouble for us all.”

Jason shook his head—it wasn’t the action he wanted Sonny to take, but he hadn’t expected much anyway. He’d have to keep a closer eye on the Escobars himself and step up if Sonny wouldn’t.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth sighed as she wrote down the name of the fifth broken toy from the box she’d had one of the guards bring up from storage. She wanted to get Cameron’s things replaced as soon as possible—she didn’t want him to even know they were missing.

She turned over the Spiderman figure—one of four Cameron owned—and searched in the box until she found the missing leg. It had been broken into two pieces—

This had been deliberate. Lucky to have smashed it with his heel. Some of the pieces had been so obliterated, they were still shards of plastic in the carpet back at the apartment.

She’d save this toy, save these broken pieces as a reminder of why she could never—ever—go back.

Elizabeth turned at the sound of the key in the lock and managed a half-smile for Jason as he returned, tossing his keys onto the table. “Hey.” She got to her feet and folded her arms. “I was just thinking about dinner. I haven’t eaten since—” She stopped at the look on his face. “What’s wrong?”

Jason scratched his brow, then looked at the broken toys she’d been sorting through. “Let’s—let’s sit for a minute.”

“No, Jason. Tell me what’s wrong.” She crossed the room to him and put a hand on his forearm. “What happened?” She turned his hand over to look at his knuckles. The skin was broken slightly, and a bruise was forming. “Jason?”

“I know what happened to your jewelry,” Jason said after a long moment. He stripped off his jacket and tossed it on the sofa behind them. “Lucky pawned it to pay off Santiago Escobar.”

“Pay off—” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “You said he was a drug dealer. Patrick refused to write him a new prescription for his pain pills a few months ago,” she said in a soft voice. “I know Lucky struggled with that. I thought he’d figured it out—Patrick said he’d stopped screaming at him for a new script. He just…found someone else to give him the pills.”

“Yeah, I talked to Escobar. Lucky started going to him in March. And then…last month, he started buying heroin regularly. It’s a stronger high—Lucky probably had built a tolerance—”

Elizabeth shook her head. “You don’t—” Her mind spun for a moment. “You don’t have to explain. I get it. He’s been on drugs. For months.” She hadn’t even thought—hadn’t even considered—

“Yeah.”

Elizabeth turned away from him and dragged her hands through her hair. “Oh, man. I didn’t—I knew he was in pain. I knew he was angry all the time. But I was just—I was so wrapped up in my own guilt about what was happening with you, and then Manny—I didn’t see it—didn’t carry it to the logical conclusion.” She turned back. “He pawned my jewelry to pay them off. Which meant he owed them money. That’s what yesterday was about?”

“It was just supposed to be a warning to Lucky,” Jason said. “It looks like Beaudry really was an accident. Lucky paid up this morning.”

“Oh, my God—” She pressed the heels of her hands into her eyes. “Oh, my God. I let my son live in a home with a man high on drugs—I left Cameron alone with him—That day—at the hospital—he drove Cameron there—”

“Elizabeth—”

“There were probably drugs in the apartment. What if Cameron had gotten his hands on them—”

“He didn’t.” Jason reached for her hands and pulled them away from her face, forcing her to look at him. “Hey. He didn’t. He’s safe. You left, and Cameron is safe. We can go get him if you need to see for yourself—”

“I just—”

Elizabeth collapsed onto the sofa, feeling like she’d been punched in the gut. “I went back to him. I—” Her lip trembled. “You don’t even know the half of it, Jason. You don’t know how bad it was. And I went back because I thought I could save him. I thought if I could just be patient—but he was doing drugs—heroin. He was on heroin. And—”

Jason sat next to her and picked up the broken Spiderman. He stared at it for a long moment before looking back at her. “How bad was it?” he asked softly.

She clasped her hands into her lap. “The first time was the day Cameron got sick. You remember? You went into the store, and you bought him that Pedialyte because he couldn’t eat.”

“I remember.”

“You wouldn’t let me pay you back, and I—I—it was name brand. I wouldn’t have bought it. We can’t afford that. When Lucky came home, and he realized you had bought it—he was angry. I hadn’t seen him that angry since—”

Since the brainwashing. Since he’d attacked Jason with a knife.

Elizabeth swallowed hard and looked at Jason. His face hadn’t changed, although she was sure he knew where this conversation was going. “He was screaming at me about taking favors from you, and then he started to dump it out—and I was so tired—I even—Cameron needed that, Jason. He needed it. And I just—I tried to st-stop him.”

She didn’t even realize she was tapping her foot so hard her knee was bouncing until Jason put a hand over her clasped hands, the weight of his arm keeping her leg down. “I think it really was an accident the first time. He pushed me away from him—and I just—I went flying. I guess—I don’t weigh a lot.” She sighed. “Maybe I need to think it was an accident.”

“The bruise on your face,” Jason said slowly.

“I hit the door frame of the kitchen.” Tears slid down her cheeks. “He was so upset. I told him to leave, but he was crying, and he said he was sorry—and I just—I thought—it was an accident.”

He swallowed hard. “You said it was the first time.”

“The next night. We—we were fighting.”

“Because I was there—” Jason closed his eyes, shook his head slightly. “I’m sorry—”

“No, don’t be—I knew I should make you leave. I knew he would be angry if you were still there, but Cameron—he just fell in love with you, Jason. And he was so happy—” Elizabeth dipped her head. “He grabbed me that day. Left bruises.”

“The next day, you left him. That Thursday before you were kidnapped.” Jason straightened. “You had a cut on your face. And you looked like your shoulder was hurt.” He shook his head, disgusted.

“Lucky found out Cameron was with Morgan. He—he said he was going to the Brownstone, and I thought maybe he was going after my son, so I had to stop him—and it was just—he shoved me, and I hit the table, fell over, and the lamp broke—I—”

She wept bitterly now, sobs spilling from deep inside—because just recounting it out loud, saying it like this—

How could she ever have gone back—how could she have forgotten—

Jason drew her close, put an arm around her shoulder, pressed his lips to her forehead. “Hey. Hey—”

“I went back. I felt so guilty—that’s why Lucky—Manny saw the bruises. He kidnapped Lucky because he hurt me—how fucked up is that, Jason? And Manny was telling him about you on my speed dial, and Lucky was looking at me—and I was so scared—because I thought if Manny let him go—”

She drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “But I went back. I went back. Because Luke asked me to. He just—he asked me to fight for the boy. Again. And I didn’t want to, but I thought—well, Lucky never gave up on me—”

“Damn it, Elizabeth—” Jason muttered under his breath. “Do you really think this is the same thing?”

“No, of course not.” Elizabeth swiped at her cheeks, trying to get herself under control. “No. I know it’s not. But I think—God, I think I needed to go back, Jason. I need to stop making excuses. I thought if I could love him enough, if I could be a good wife, I could save him. But it’s not my job to save Lucky. And I don’t want to. I don’t think he can be saved.”

She sighed. “I went back because I thought maybe it was a crazy couple of days. Because Lucky had never ever hurt me like that before, and I really thought if he could acknowledge it, get counseling, it was something that we could get past. I don’t know if I really thought I was staying forever when Luke asked—he only asked me to stay for a little while. Until Lucky was out of the hospital and had recovered.”

“He didn’t have any right to—”

“He knew that, Jason.” She shook her head as Jason scowled. “I’m not making excuses for him. Luke told me he hated himself for asking. He’s Lucky’s father. You know what it is to love a child. Is there anything you wouldn’t do for Michael?”

“If Michael were an abusive asshole who took his anger out on someone who loved him, I wouldn’t be asking the woman to go back,” Jason said. He got to his feet. “I’d be kicking the shit out of Michael and asking who the hell raised him—” He took a quick, sharp breath. “I’m sorry. You don’t need this from me.”

“I went back because I thought there was still a chance I could help him. And if I hadn’t done it, Jason, I might have lived for the rest of my life thinking there might be a chance.” Elizabeth stood up as well, hugging her arms around her torso. “There’s not. I know that now. I know it with every breath in my body. I knew it before that last day on Friday. I was already done. I just didn’t get the chance to tell him before—”

“Did he—” Jason fisted his hands at his side.

“He grabbed me from behind the way Tom Baker did, and then threw me against the wall,” Elizabeth said in a flat tone. “And I sat there, and I just—I just wanted it to be over. He left. Blaming me. Because he knew I didn’t love him. And—man—for a few minutes there, I thought, ‘This is my fault’—”

“No—”

“Because I went back to him knowing I didn’t love him. I wanted my vows to mean something, but I forgot the most important one. To love and to cherish. I don’t love him, and he didn’t cherish me. Because the vows—it doesn’t matter if I was keeping any of those promises—we both had to keep them. And we didn’t.”

She felt stronger now, more at peace with this now. “I wasn’t going to tell you, Jason. I was going to let you think we’d fought over you and me at the docks, about anger management—but yesterday—you tried to push me away again because you wanted me to be safe.”

Jason just looked at her, anguish in his eyes. “I didn’t know—” His voice was rough, pained.

“I’m tired of being safe. Of taking the easy way out. Of lying to myself. I don’t love Lucky. And I don’t want to be safe. I want to be happy, and I was last night with you. Yesterday at the carnival, when you were on that silly roller coaster with boys—I just—”

She smiled at him. “I saw our future. I saw what I thought I might want if we didn’t run away again. And that’s what I want. You make me feel safe and happy.”

“I was happy, too,” he said in a low voice. “Because—” He shook his head. “No. Not yet.” Jason took a deep breath. “You want to take this slow, and that’s what I want for you. Since we know the reason behind the shooting, you don’t have to stay if you don’t want—”

“I do want to stay,” Elizabeth said softly. “But that’s why I should go. Because the next time I spend the night in your arms, Jason, I want it to because I’m ready for it to be a permanent step.”

She sighed. “I should go home. Because you’re not the only person who deserves to hear this from me. I need to tell my grandmother. And Emily. Robin thinks I should tell her uncle—to make a report—”

“Robin knows?” Jason frowned. “What—”

“She and Patrick saw the bruises, and she convinced me to take pictures the day I was kidnapped. So she has those if I file a report.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “And I think I should. Because Robin said something else. I did the hard part — I left. But now I have to make it count. I should call Justus and make it permanent.” She sighed. “And yeah, I should call Mac. Not just about the abuse. If Lucky’s on drugs, I’m not the only person who should know that.”

Hardy House: Living Room

Audrey must have heard the car pull up in the driveway or seen them through the window, because she was already on her feet, in the middle of the living room with a scowl fixed on her face.

“Gram—”

“I cannot believe you’re still with him,” Audrey said flatly. “Where’s Cameron? Is he still with Sonny Corinthos?”

“No, he’s with Carly and Morgan,” Elizabeth said, already feeling exhausted. “Gram—”

“I don’t know what’s going on here. One second, you’re married to Lucky, and now you’re spending the night with Jason Morgan—” Audrey looked at Jason. “You should leave, Mr. Morgan—”

“I should,” Jason agreed, touching Elizabeth’s elbow. “I don’t want to make this any harder than it already is—”

“No—don’t—” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Not yet.”

“Elizabeth—” Audrey began.

“Do you remember when I told you Manny Ruiz kidnapped me because he was obsessed with me? That it had nothing to do with Jason and you decided that wasn’t true? Just like the PCPD, you ignored that.”

“I—” Audrey hesitated. The certainty, the righteousness, faded from her face. “Elizabeth—”

“The shooters at the carnival were there for me. To shoot at me. Not to kill me, but to send a message to someone that they could get to me at any time or place.”

And she could see the minute it was starting to click for her grandmother because, of course, Elizabeth wasn’t referring to Jason—why would Jason still be there?

Audrey’s hands fell to her side. “Send a message to who?”

“You saw him last night, Mrs. Hardy,” Jason offered, his voice quiet, respectful. “You know something is wrong with Lucky. You told Mac you knew Elizabeth was safe where she was. You didn’t help him.”

Audrey touched her throat, took a deep breath. “I have to admit—there was something in his eyes that I didn’t like. Something in the way—” She looked at Elizabeth. “Oh. Oh. It is the same.”

“Gram—”

“Just like Tom.” Color slid from her grandmother’s cheek, the angry red flush paling into a stark white. “Oh, Elizabeth.” She strode forward. “Are you all right?”

“I am now.” Elizabeth took Audrey’s hand in hers. “Because I left. I wasn’t going to tell anyone, but last night—” She looked at Jason, who looked a bit mystified at Audrey’s turn around. “Last night, I realized that pretending it didn’t happen is the wrong thing to do. I need to face it. I need to tell the people who matter to me.”

Audrey touched her face, then looked at Jason again, with a gentler expression. “I—I’m sorry. I shouldn’t jump to conclusions—”

“It’s okay, Mrs. Hardy—”

“It’s not,” Elizabeth said fiercely. “I love you, Gram. But Jason is part of my life. He loves Cameron. He loves my little boy more than Lucky ever has. I’m not—it’s not like I’m running out to divorce Lucky so I can move in with Jason. But he’s important to me. And he’s important to Cameron. I need to know if that’s something you can deal with.”

“Well, I suppose that since I’ve suggested you stay with Ric Lansing and Lucky Spencer, my ability to judge a person’s character is lacking,” Audrey said finally. She looked at Jason. “I can accept that.”

Jason’s phone buzzed. When he saw Stan’s name on the voice mail list, he sighed. “I have to go take this. Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Can you go get Cameron for me? I want him home with me, and with Gram.”

“I’ll be back in a little while.” He nodded to Audrey, then left.

“Darling, do you want to talk about it?” Audrey asked.

“No, but I need to,” Elizabeth said with a sigh as she followed her grandmother to the sofa. And then told her everything.

This is a song for the broken girl
The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world
You are
Hear me when I say
You’re not the worthless they made you feel
There is a love they can never steal away
You don’t have to stay the broken girl
– Broken Girl, Matthew West

---

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Hardy Home: Living Room

Elizabeth was crying again as she finished telling her grandmother about Friday, about the final time Lucky had hurt her. Audrey was in tears, too, her voice trembling as she hugged Elizabeth. The two of them rocked back and forth on the sofa.

“I’m so sorry, darling, that I didn’t see it. That I didn’t make you feel safe enough to tell me—” Audrey drew back and wiped tears from Elizabeth’s face. “I love you so very much, and all I’ve ever wanted is for you to be happy. But you haven’t been. I blamed you, and I had no right—”

“No, Gram, you did the same thing to me that I did to myself—”

“But I know better. I saw you after the kidnapping.” Audrey pressed her lips together, tried to get herself under control. “I saw the way you broke down—and I kept going. I kept blaming Jason. But it’s never been his fault. It’s mine. And Jason is right. I saw Lucky last night. I should have seen the signs.”

“I should have had more courage and faith in myself. I knew I wasn’t in love with Lucky weeks ago. I don’t know when it changed—” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Gram, I had an affair with Jason. I knew it. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn’t stop myself. And I let my guilt over that blind me to what was happening in my marriage. I couldn’t see that Lucky’s anger was dangerous, I didn’t see that he taking drugs—and I didn’t just put myself in that situation, I let it happen to Cameron—”

“I put myself back into a marriage with a man that nearly destroyed me,” Audrey told her. “You know that. I could say times were different — and they were. The judge wouldn’t give me custody of Tommy unless I stayed with his father. And, of course, in the state of New York—” She sighed.

“A husband couldn’t rape his wife,” Elizabeth said with a sour taste in her throat. “I know. It was never that bad with Lucky, and part of me wants to say it never would have been, but I also—”

She swiped tears from her cheeks. “I never thought it would be like that with Lucky at all. I kept thinking we could have the magic back. I never once stopped to ask myself if I even wanted it.”

“I’m sorry, darling. But you’ve left him now, and I won’t ever let you change your mind.” Audrey hesitated. “And…this…affair with Jason…is it—well, is it still—”

“When I went back to Lucky, Jason and I stopped seeing each other. I promise. I ran into him last week on the docks by accident. We weren’t sleeping together. It was just…a few kisses. A few conversations we shouldn’t have had. But it was enough, and I should have listened to my heart.”

Elizabeth waited a moment, but Audrey didn’t say anything, so she continued. “But yes. Now it’s…something. I’ve told Jason that I want to take it slow. I want to end my marriage, I want to take a breath and give myself space. But I don’t want either of us to ignore how we felt. How we feel. I don’t want to miss my chance again. He loves Cameron, Gram.”

“Does he love you?” Audrey asked carefully.

“I—”

Elizabeth’s answer was cut off as there was a harsh knock on the door. Elizabeth frowned and went to the door to look through the peephole. She grimaced, stepping away. “Go away, Lucky!”

“Let me in! Now! You’re my wife, and I’ll be damned if you’re going to keep humiliating me—” Lucky hit the door, kicking it so hard that it shook in the frame.

“Lucky Spencer, you leave this property right now, or I will call the police,” Audrey shouted back.

“Open this goddamn door, Elizabeth, or I will break it down!”

Her heart pounding, Elizabeth fumbled for her phone. “I’m calling Jason—he can send a guard or—”

“I’m calling 911 right now!” Audrey shouted as she grabbed the landline. She went to the window where she could see Lucky on her doorstep. She held up the phone, so he could watch her dial. “Get off my property!”

“This isn’t over, Elizabeth!” Lucky slammed his fist against the door again but finally stalked away.

Elizabeth closed her eyes, took a deep breath. “Gram—”

“Darling—”

“Don’t call 911. Call Mac Scorpio. Robin was right. I need to report him. Because this isn’t over.”

And while Audrey was calling Mac, Elizabeth made two phone calls of her own. One to Emily, to ask her to come over, and the other to Justus to make an appointment for the next day.

She was done hiding.

Kelly’s: Diner

Jason opened the door and found his tech guy sitting with one of the guards at one of the back tables. Jason hurried over to sit by Stan. “Were you able to find it?”

“Yep.” Stan sipped his iced tea then nodded to Marco, who drew out two plastic bags of jewelry. “Everything Lucky Spencer pawned since March. I just told the owner you were an interested party, and he couldn’t give them to me fast enough.”

Jason took the bags and frowned at the first bag—a man’s wedding ring. “He pawned his wedding ring?”

Stan leaned forward. “Oh. Yeah. Guy said Lucky pawned it in March, and never reclaimed it. Came in yesterday around nine, looking all wild-eyed—typical addict crap—and pawned the rest of it.” He looked at Jason. “That’s what you wanted, right? You didn’t care about the television, right?”

“Yeah, I just wanted the jewelry.” Jason exhaled slowly, then shoved the bags into his pocket. “What do we owe the owner? Did you tell him we’d make it worth his while, or did you just threaten him?”

“Turns out your name is apparently enough to make the guy crap in his pants,” Marco said with a grin. “Probably could have cleaned him out of the diamonds if I’d been interested.”

“Thanks. Keep this to yourself, okay?”

“We’re protecting a cop?” Stan asked with some confusion. “Isn’t he Elizabeth’s husband? I mean, maybe I’m overstepping, but wouldn’t it be easier for you if he got in trouble—”

“We’re protecting the woman who owns the jewelry,” Jason said flatly. He got to his feet. “Thanks for doing this so quickly.”

Stan accepted his danger and sat back with a shrug. “No problem. We got a break — it was at the second store we contacted.”

Jason left them then, intent on heading to Carly’s house to pick up Cameron. He wanted to keep moving, to keep focusing on what was next—

Because if he stopped, he’d have to think about the fact that he’d seen the bruises on Elizabeth, had seen her that last night with a cut on her face, with an injured shoulder—

And had never once questioned if Lucky was hurting her. Not even after Sonny had suggested it might be possible. And hadn’t Jason told himself then that she’d never confide in him about it—

How could he blame the rest of the world for not seeing it? He hadn’t. And now he’d have to live with the guilt.

He shoved open the door to Kelly’s and ran straight into Robin. “Sorry—”

“Oh, hey, I was hoping to run into you.” She frowned. “You look upset.” She tipped her head to the side, squinted her eyes. “Have you been back to the penthouse?”

“Uh, yeah.” He let the door to Kelly’s close behind him. “I know—” Jason shook his head. “I know. Elizabeth told me. And she told me you knew.”

“She told you what?” Robin asked slowly, drawing out the words with a suspicious furrowing of her brows.

“Robin.” Jason just sighed. “I know what she’s been through. And that you were there for her. That you encouraged her to tell me. Thank you. I’m glad she had someone.”

“Okay.” Robin folded her arms. “A lot of good it did her — she wouldn’t listen to me back when it happened. I wanted her to leave then. I thought about telling you.”

“You should have,” Jason said flatly. “Someone should have told me—”

“Or maybe you should have seen it—” Robin scowled. “I mean, it was right in front of your face. Patrick and I both saw it—” She pursed her lips. “But I should have told you. I knew if you knew—if Emily knew—she might not have gone back. But—” She shrugged a shoulder. “Water under the bridge. She told you. She left. And now—” She bit her lip. “She did the hard part.”

She arched a brow. “Now comes the dangerous part. Most women in an abusive relationship are hurt worse after they leave. Does she have a guard?”

Jason scowled. “No.” Damn it. And he’d seen Lucky the night before. He knew exactly how angry he could get. He pulled out his phone. “I’ll send Cody over. I promised her I’d get Cameron and bring him home.” He started out of the courtyard.

“Tell her I have those pictures,” Robin called after him. “She’ll need them when she calls my uncle.”

He turned back to her for a minute. “Okay. Thanks. For being there.”

“I like Elizabeth, too, Jason. And I want her happy. She’s been through enough.”

That was something they could agree on. So Jason left, leaving Cody a voice mail to head over to the Hardy house in case Lucky showed up.

Hardy House: Living Room

Mac arrived just after Emily did, and the police commissioner was in a rotten mood. Elizabeth understood that—he’d lost a police officer the night before, and she knew Maxie must be traumatized. It was only out of respect for Audrey and her grandfather that Mac had even taken Audrey’s call and come over as quickly as he had.

“I don’t have a lot of time,” Mac snapped as Audrey closed the door behind him. “What’s this about?”

“You will not take that tone with me, Mac Scorpio,” Audrey snapped.

Emily looked back and forth between Elizabeth’s grandmother and Mac before meeting Elizabeth’s tired and puffy eyes. “What’s going on? What’s happened since last night?”

“Yeah, that’s what I’d like to know. I’ve been trying to find you for nearly twenty-four hours,” Mac retorted. “You fled the scene of a crime—you’re lucky I don’t have an arrest warrant—”

Elizabeth arched a brow. “You mean, I fled a place where a maniac was shooting at people? Yeah, I can see why that would be suspicious. You can’t get an arrest warrant for that. If you could make those charges stick, Jason would still be at the PCPD.”

“Don’t get me started on that—”

“You’re here because I need to file charges against Lucky,” Elizabeth said. Emily’s head snapped up, and she stared at Elizabeth, startled. “For assault.”

“Assault,” Mac repeated, slowly. He tensed with the air of a man who knew what was coming but was hoping like hell he was wrong. “Against who?”

“Me.” Elizabeth folded her arms tightly. “On four separate occasions, Lucky assaulted me, the last being Friday night.”

Mac cleared his throat. He scrubbed a hand over his face, then sighed. “Okay, uh, let’s just—let’s just start from the beginning. What happened?”

So Elizabeth told him. She told him in the same detail as she had Jason, but this time she was able to keep herself together. Some of the details were new for Audrey, who was weeping again. Emily put an arm around Audrey’s shoulder, her own face pale, her expression frozen like granite.

“And then Lucky left the apartment,” Elizabeth finished finally. “I got up, looked at myself in the mirror, took a call from Emily, and then left. I didn’t see Lucky again until last night when he came to Greystone and tried to get on the grounds to make me leave.”

Mac frowned, squinting. “You—You saw Lucky last night—when—”

“Before Jason and Sonny were arrested,” Elizabeth told him. “He knew where I was and knew I was there because I wanted to be.”

“Which is a very different story than he told either of us at the station last night,” Audrey reminded Mac.

“Yeah, I caught that,” Mac muttered. “Your grandmother said you’d seen him today—”

“Yeah, about a half hour ago, when he came to Gram’s door and threatened to break it down.”

Mac closed his notebook and stared down at it for a long moment. “He’s been under a little pressure,” he said, but it was clear from his tone even he didn’t believe that.

“You should have him drug tested,” Elizabeth said. “Because I’m pretty sure he pawned my jewelry to pay off his drug dealer. I think he started buying oxycontin on the street because he was always taking pills, and Patrick cut him off months ago.”

“You’re accusing him of taking drugs, too?” Mac said. “Look, I can—I can believe the rest of it, but do you have proof of this? I know this has been a rough time for you, and maybe you want to make sure Lucky can’t see your son—”

“Don’t you dare,” Emily said in a tightly controlled voice. “Because if you’re about to accuse her of lying, I will call my grandfather and make sure he calls the mayor. I am done watching you and the rest of the PCPD treat Elizabeth like this.”

“I didn’t even get a chance—” Mac looked at Elizabeth. “I believe you,” he repeated. “I don’t know about the drugs, but I don’t think you’d accuse him of the abuse if it weren’t true. I know that Lucky’s been under a lot of pressure from the job, and the injuries didn’t help. That doesn’t excuse it, but it means I believe you.”

“But?” Elizabeth prompted. “Because I can hear you saying it.”

“But it would be your word against his without evidence. The incidents that caused injury were from a month ago, and you didn’t report it—”

“Robin took pictures,” Elizabeth said. “They’re dated. Before Manny kidnapped me that night. So hopefully, you’d believe her.”

“I…” Mac pursed his lips. “I would, yes.”

“And Patrick has seen Lucky screaming at me. He’s a witness to the anger.”

“Elizabeth—”

“But you’re not going to do anything. Even with the pictures.”

“I’m going to file the report,” Mac told her. “And I’ll interview Robin and Patrick. I’ll get the pictures. I’ll take it to the DA, but Alexis probably won’t look at the case because she’s related to Lucky’s brother. And I don’t know that another DA would file charges.”

“Why?” Audrey demanded. “My granddaughter is a credible witness with proof!”

“Because of Jason,” Elizabeth said with a sinking feeling. Mac looked away. “For the same reason no one believed me about Manny. No one believed me that I hadn’t been kidnapped because of Jason. Because people will blame me for it. There are members of your department who think I got what I deserved when Manny kidnapped me. And they’ll think that I deserved what Lucky did.”

“I’m not one of them—”

“But that’s what will happen.”

Mac sighed. “Look, you did the right thing. You got out. And I’ll put together a report. There will be a paper trail. I’ll talk to Lucky about leaving you alone. And I’ll encourage him to get counseling. And a drug test. Elizabeth—”

“This is bullshit,” Emily said flatly. “I can’t believe you’re not going to do more—”

“There’s nothing else he can do,” Elizabeth said with a sad sigh. “Because he’s right. The DA’s office will never take this case. Even if it were Alexis. Because Lucky would never plead guilty. And a jury would never convict him. They’d just—they’d see the same thing everyone else does. A cop’s wife who had an affair with a criminal and ended his career. And got what she deserved for it.”

Mac, at least, had the decency to look ashamed as he nodded. “I think that might be the outcome, yeah. I’m sorry, Elizabeth. I work in the system, I can’t always make it do the right thing.”

“Especially when you agree.”

Audrey’s voice was carefully controlled as Mac looked at her. Elizabeth blinked at her in surprise, but her grandmother kept her eyes on the commissioner.

“You could push the DA. You could remind them that Jason has never once been convicted of a single thing. You could also remind them that he is, nominally, a Quartermaine. But you’re giving up. Because you think if my granddaughter had not been around Jason Morgan, none of this would have happened.”

Mac hesitated. “I wouldn’t go that far, but I think we’re forgetting that a good cop is dead because he was standing too close to Jason Morgan—”

“He’s dead because he came over to scream at me for being a whore and was standing too close to me,” Elizabeth said flatly. “Because Lucky’s drug dealer was sending him a message about paying his bills. You might believe me about some of it, but you clearly have your own narrative.”

“Elizabeth—”

“You can go. Thanks for coming. Let me know when the report is ready, so I can ask Justus to get a copy for my divorce petition.”

“I’m sorry,” Mac repeated, but he left.

“I cannot believe—” Emily took a deep breath, then dragged her hands through her hair. “Are you okay?” she asked, looking at Elizabeth. “I’m so sorry. I should have seen it—”

Elizabeth shook her head. “I didn’t want you to see it—” She sighed. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for you to find out while I was telling Mac—I didn’t know how fast he’d get here—”

“You don’t have to apologize to me.” Emily took her hands in hers. “You didn’t tell me because I think a part of you was scared I might tell you the same thing I’m sure Luke did. That this isn’t Lucky, that the Lucky we know and love would never do this to you. That’s what he told you to make you stay, right? He told you had to fight for the boy who we used to know.”

“Em—”

“Because that’s the crap I used to say to you all the time. Never again,” Emily declared with a shake of her hand. “Because the boy I knew wouldn’t do that. The man he is today? I believe it. He doesn’t get one more minute of my time. You and Cameron are who matter to me.” She embraced Elizabeth tightly. “Let the Spencers worry about Lucky. He’s their problem. He never has to be yours again.”

Jake’s: Upstairs Hallway

Sam shoved open her door and frowned when she saw Alexis waiting in the hallway. “How did you know—”

“You said you were leaving, so I had someone find out which flight you were on. And I took a chance you’d be staying at Jake’s because it’s under the radar.” Alexis looked down at the duffel bad in Sam’s hand. “You have to leave today? Now?”

“There’s nothing here for me,” Sam said with a shrug. “What’s the point? What are you doing here?”

“I’m here because there’s something I need to say before you walk away forever.” Alexis waited, but Sam didn’t drop the bag or offer to let her in. “Fine. We’ll do this it this way. I understand you were disappointed to learn I was your biological mother—”

Sam snorted. “Disappointed isn’t the word—”

“And being connected by blood doesn’t mean anything. I’m a Cassadine. We spend a lot of time running from our blood relatives.” Alexis folded her arms. “Sometimes, we get to choose our family, Sam, but I understand that right now, you don’t have a lot of interest in choosing me.”

“No, I don’t. Can I go now—”

“But you’re not just turning me away,” Alexis continued. “You’re walking away from Kristina and Molly. I know how close you were to your brother. How fiercely devoted you were to him.”

“Don’t talk to me about Danny—” Her throat tightened. “How dare you—”

“My girls could use an older sister who loves like that.” Alexis stepped to the side. “You can go, Sam. Knowing you’re alive, that you’re in the world—that gives me peace. For so long, you were a devastating memory. I blamed myself for a long time for not being stronger, for not finding a way to keep you. I thought you’d died because I was weak.”

Sam just stared at her biological mother as Alexis took a bracing breath. “But you’re alive, Sam. And that’s enough for me. I can make it enough.”

“I’m going to go now.” Sam started down the hallway, but she heard Alexis following her. When they reached the empty bar downstairs—it hadn’t yet opened up for the night rush—Sam turned to her. “I don’t need you. I don’t need your kids. I don’t need a family. I’m fine on my own.”

“If you ever change your mind,” Alexis said, “I’ll be here.”

“I won’t.”

And then Sam left.

Hardy House: Front Porch

Emily stayed for a little while longer, but then she had to get back to the hospital. About an hour after she’d left, there was another knock at the door.

Audrey had gone upstairs to start putting together a list of people to call in case Elizabeth decided she wanted to go war against the PCPD and force charges to be filed.

Elizabeth didn’t think she was going to go that far, but she appreciated how much support her grandmother had offered her since she’d come home. She knew Audrey wasn’t totally sold on Jason, but she was willing to lay down her guard and give him a chance.

She hoped it was Jason at her doorstep, bringing Cameron back to her—and when she opened the door to find her grinning son, smiling sunnily at her from Jason’s arms, Elizabeth couldn’t help but grin back.

“Hi, Mommy. Jason bringed me home.” He leaned forward to hug her, and Jason transferred Cameron into her arms. “Love you, Mommy.”

“I love you, too, Cam.” She closed her eyes and hugged him tightly. “Did you have fun with Aunt Carly and Morgan?”

“We eated lots of sugar. All the candy. Morgan says it’s cuz his daddy says no fun, and his mommy says too much fun.” He grinned at her, flashing his baby teeth. “Then Jason comed, and said I get to go home to Gram. He said my toys be here later.”

“Cody is bringing over Cameron’s things,” Jason told her. “The toys and clothes at least. I figured you’d want them.” He hesitated. “I can go—”

“No, no—wait—” She pressed a kiss to Cameron’s cheek. “Guess what? Gram is upstairs in her room, and I think she needs a great, big Cam hug.”

“I go do that. I love my Gram.” Cameron waved, then started for the stairs. She and Jason watched he gradually climbed the staircase, carefully holding onto the railing as he lifted his tiny legs onto the next step.

He waved again from the top of the stairs, then disappeared down the hall. Elizabeth smiled after him, then looked back at Jason. “Let’s talk outside. “It’s a nice day, and I’m tired of being inside.”

Jason nodded. “Uh, when Cody gets back, I asked him to hang out—”

“I was going to ask you about that,” she said as she leaned against the wall of her house. “Because Lucky showed up here, and I just—I don’t want to deal with it. I’d rather someone stopped him before he got that close again. I don’t want my grandmother or Cameron to have to worry.”

“You won’t have to worry about him anymore.” Jason paused. “I have something for you—” He reached into his jacket and drew out two plastic bags. “I thought about leaving these with the pawnshops because I didn’t know if you’d want to report them stolen, but—”

“You found my jewelry.” Pleased, Elizabeth took the bags. “I thought about filing charges of theft, but—we’ll get into that—” She hesitated, looking at the bag with just the wedding ring. “Well, at least he didn’t just pawn my stuff—”

“He pawned it in March.”

Elizabeth blinked at Jason, then looked back at the bag, with the pawn slip attached. “March 27,” she murmured. “Less than two weeks after Patrick cut him off, he was already out of money for the drugs. I know you said it had been that long, but I guess—” She shook her head. “You know what makes me sad about this? I mean, more than the rest of it. What really gets me?”

“What?”

She met his eyes. “I never noticed his wedding ring was gone. All those weeks—and I never noticed.” She opened the door slightly and tossed both bags on a table just inside the door, then closed the door again. “I’ll give it to Luke or Bobbie. They can give it to him. It’s not my problem.”

Jason nodded. “How did, uh, how did your grandmother take it?”

“She was upset. You know she felt bad for how hard she’d been on me. And then when Lucky showed up, she wanted to call Mac. So I agreed. I called Emily, too. They both came over.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I filed a report, but Mac doesn’t think the DA’s office will press charges. Even with the pictures Robin took.”

“Because Lucky’s a cop,” Jason said. “And—”

“And the department still thinks I’m the whore that ruined his career,” Elizabeth finished. “Yeah, pretty much. Mac believes me, he said, but he’s not willing to push for it either. So…” She shrugged. “I did what I could. And Emily is—she’s taking my side. Which I’m not sure I one hundred percent expected. I made an appointment with Justus to file for divorce.”

“Good.” Jason nodded. “And Santiago Escobar will not be a problem,” he told her. “Don’t worry about that.”

“I figured.” She smiled up at him. “You know how hard as this day has been, I’m glad I did it. I’m glad I told you, that I told Emily and my grandmother—that I stopped hiding.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t see it—” Jason shook his head. “I should have—”

“We were both swimming in guilt, Jason,” she said softly. “I realize now part of me thought I deserved it. Because maybe he was right. Maybe if I had loved him better or at all—it wouldn’t have been that way.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I know that’s not true—that I didn’t deserve it. But that’s why I could hide it. Because to you, it looked like guilt for what we were doing. You felt it, too. For what you were doing to Sam.” She bit her lip. “I’m not proud of what we did, Jason. But I don’t know if we could have stopped it. We should have.”

“I—” He cleared his throat. “Yeah, I guess we should have.”

“I don’t want to live my life in the dark like that again.” She met his eyes. “I know you’re okay with taking it slow. I need it. I need this time and space. But I also need you. And I’m not sure how we make that work.”

“We’ll figure it out,” he told her. Then he tipped his head to the side. “I love you.”

Elizabeth blinked. “I—” Her chest tightened as tears stung her eyes. God, she hadn’t realized how much she’d wanted to hear him say it. Even if she knew it was probably true—

She really had needed to hear him say it. At least once.

“Jason—” Her voice faltered, and she looked down.

He shook his head. “I didn’t say it so you’d say it back. I just—I didn’t want you to think that it needed to be a secret. It’s not something you have to pry out of me. I know I don’t…that I don’t always tell you what I should.”

“I begged you once to ask me,” she murmured. Elizabeth lifted her eyes to meet his. “And I wanted you to do that. I wanted it to be your move. I didn’t want to be brave. It seemed easier if it was a question. But you were right. If you had to ask me, then I wasn’t ready to offer it.”

Elizabeth fisted her hand in his shirt and drew him in for a long, slow kiss — right on her front porch where anyone driving past could see them. “I love you, too,” she murmured when he pulled back. “I know whatever happens next might be hard, but I just—I don’t want us to throw it away again.”

“We won’t.” He kissed her again. “I promise.”

“Stay for dinner,” she said. “Cameron will want pizza and his Spiderman movie. And I want my grandmother to see you with him.”

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

She smiled at him as she pushed open the door and they went inside. She stood at the bottom of the stairs. “Hey, Cameron, Gram—we’re going to order pizza for dinner! Jason’s staying—”

“YAY!” came her son’s excited shout. She heard his footsteps as he ran down the hallway and started to hurry down the steps. Audrey came to the top of the stairs just as Jason met Cameron halfway, both obviously worried Cameron might fall.

Audrey smiled as Cameron threw himself into Jason’s arms. “We watch Biderman?” Cameron demanded. “Get sausage pizza?”

“Yeah, but you have to sing the song for me again. I forgot how it goes,” Jason said as they came to the bottom of the stairs.

“Biderman, Biderman, Biderman. Does what Biders can! Look out! Biderman!” Cameron sang loudly as Elizabeth caught her grandmother’s sparkling eyes as Audrey fought a smile.

Then Elizabeth laughed, watching her son sing happily with his new best friend, excited to watch his favorite movie for the hundredth time.

She couldn’t think of a better way to end the day.

THE END