Don’t think that I can take another empty moment
Don’t think that I can fake another hollow smile
It’s not enough just to be lonely
Don’t think that I could take another talk about it
– Bed of Lies, Matchbox Twenty

 Thursday, October 3, 2002

 Kelly’s: Courtyard

 Bobbie had told her this morning it was too early to come back to work, and even Gia who knew the truth thought she should take a few more days.

She’d already taken a week. Waited for the lie to end. Waited for Jason to come back from the dead. To release her from the hell she was living in.

Sonny had finally come to see her a few days earlier to admit that Jason now knew the truth, that he was livid, and that Sonny had only a few more days for this plan to work. He’d apologized. She’d let him. And then she had sent him away.

It didn’t change anything now that Jason knew the truth. She could see now that she had expected something to change once he knew. That…God, maybe he would have been so appalled, so heartbroken by the betrayal, he would have called her. That he would have ended it.

But the plan came first. The business came first. Jason was letting the lie stand for just a little longer, Sonny told her, his dark eyes full of worry.

Not regret. She knew even now that Sonny might be sorry that everyone was so upset, that it had gone so far—but he still believed he’d been right.

And part of Jason…God, Jason must agree with Sonny, right? Because why else was it still happening? And how the hell was she supposed to deal with that?

And since these were the thoughts swirling in her head sitting alone in her apartment pretending to study, sitting like a zombie through her classes, Elizabeth had thought taking just the lunch shift would give her something else to think about.

And it had. She’d lost herself in the mundanity of taking orders, grabbing food, filling drinks, busing tables—back to the real world and life she’d built before Jason had come back.

Until the rush had cleared, and she had stepped out into the courtyard to find Carly sitting at the table, perusing a menu.

Like nothing had ever happened.

She knew that AJ had worked out some sort of deal with Carly—Courtney had sheepishly admitted it to her, trying to warn her. Elizabeth had merely nodded—it made sense. AJ was trying to move forward, trying to do right by his son.

She hadn’t really let herself think about what it meant.

Carly now had her life back. She’d heard rumors that Jax had released her share of the club, and she was returning to management. She would now at least have visitation with Michael.

And she had probably already put another deposit down on a fast car with a bright, shiny paint job.

Back to normal.

Waiting for the next disaster. Waiting for Carly to be Carly and destroy them all again.

Elizabeth wasn’t sure how long she stood there before Carly lifted her eyes, saw her. The blonde cleared her throat, put the menu aside. “Elizabeth. I, ah, I didn’t know you were back at work.”

“It’s my first day since…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. The words froze in her throat. “What can I get you—”

“Oh. I’m not ready to order yet.” She waited. “I’m waiting for AJ to bring Michael. We’re having lunch.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together, fought back the bitter bile and venom that suddenly crawled up the back of her throat. “Must be nice.” And before she could stop the words— “It’s a shame Jason can’t be here to see it.”

Carly flinched but shook her head. “Don’t. Let’s not do this, okay? Listen, I know you’re dealing with a lot. We all miss Jason—”

And all of the ugliness she’d kept inside for weeks exploded out of her.

“Shut up.” Elizabeth slapped the notepad down on the table. “Don’t speak his name. You don’t get to pretend this isn’t your fault.”

Carly shot to her feet. “How dare you—”

“Do you really think I don’t know exactly why Jason was at that warehouse?” Elizabeth shot back. At that, Carly’s face lost some of her pallor and she stumbled back a step. “Yeah, I’m not an idiot, Carly. Even if I hadn’t figured it out for myself, Sonny told me.”

“He—he wouldn’t—” Carly said faintly. “It’s business—”

“It’s Jason. And he’s gone because of you!”

Why wasn’t Carly ever made to suffer? Jason was putting everyone he loved through hell—there was no way Emily and Lila wouldn’t be heartbroken by this deceit, that Bobbie wouldn’t be devastated. Even if Jason hadn’t started it—he was allowing it to continue.

And Carly got to go back to her fucking life like she hadn’t destroyed everything?

Not this time.

This time, Elizabeth wanted Carly to be the one bleeding and broken in the snow.

“That’s not—” Carly swallowed. “It’s complicated—”

“You’ve been destroying Jason’s life over and over again for years,” Elizabeth hissed. “And you always come out stronger. You got a rich husband twice after you destroyed him. Who’s on deck this time, Carly? AJ looking good again with his trust fund? Or is someone else the target?”

“You have no right to talk to me like this—”

“I have every right! Jason was supposed to be the man I spent the rest of my life with!” Her voice broke even as the anger poured out. “He was supposed to be here. Building a life with me. But you destroyed that. You destroyed him—”

“If Sonny told you what happened that night, then you know what I went through!” Carly snapped back. “You don’t think that was bad? That I didn’t suffer—”

“I would have had a hell of a lot more sympathy for you if you hadn’t rolled back into town like you were the only one wronged. Maybe you got to be pissed initially, but you should have known Jason better than that. You wanted to prove to the world that Jason would always pick you.” The tears were hot as they slid down her cheeks. “Well, congratulations. He picked you. And now look where we are.”

“I know that!” Carly growled. “Why do you think I tried to make peace with AJ? It’s what Jason would have wanted—”

“What Jason wanted was for you to put Michael first. He shouldn’t have had to get shot to make that happen. You are a selfish, hypocritical—”

“Elizabeth.”

AJ’s quiet voice had Elizabeth spinning on her heel to find Michael standing with his father. The little boy’s face was scrunched up as he took in his mother and one of his favorite people.

“Why you crying, Mommy? ‘Lizabeth?” Michael asked with worry. “What’s wrong?”

Elizabeth just shook her head. “I’m fine, Michael. I’m just—I’m sad. It’s fine.” She cleared her throat. “I’ll get someone to take care of you—”

She went into the diner and passed her section to Penny, who saw the tears and said nothing. Elizabeth went out to the alley and slid down until she was sitting on the cold concrete.

How was she supposed to do this?

The door opened next to her, and AJ stepped out. She didn’t look at him, even as he sat in front of her, crossing his legs.

“You have every right to feel like Courtney and I have betrayed you. Betrayed Jason,” he said with a sigh. “Because I feel it, too. She told me it was her fault somehow, and I didn’t want the details. I was afraid what I would do with that knowledge. I had to put Michael first—”

“It’s not that.” Elizabeth shook her head. “Michael missed his mother. Of course, you had to figure out something with Carly. It’s just…” She let her head fall back against the brick. “I loved him.”

“I know—”

“No, I mean—” She closed her eyes. “When Lucky was in that fire, I couldn’t see my future without him. I just thought it was going to be this long, empty life. That I had died with him. I was young, and I just couldn’t imagine loving someone else.”

“And you can now?” AJ said with confusion. “Elizabeth—”

“Because that’s how it works. You grieve. And you grieve. And then one day, you wake up, and you’ve grieved a little less. And your heart starts to wake up. To want that love again. And you fall in love again. I know that it’s probably in my future. I want a family. I want children. I just—” She shook her head. “I want that with Jason—wanted that.”

“Jason would want that for you,” AJ told her. “He loved you so much, Elizabeth. I could see it in him—half the reason he settled Michael’s custody with me was because he didn’t want you to be unhappy. And I didn’t want Courtney to be unhappy. So, we found something that worked, and I’m glad my brother had that in his life. But he would want you to love again.”

“I know that.” Elizabeth weighed her next words carefully. “I know that Jason loved me. I know that like I know my own name. But he’s gone because of Carly.”

AJ hesitated, then grimaced. “I guess this is related to something Sonny told you about what happened. I don’t know—”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty about putting Michael first.  I just—I think I have to figure out how to deal with Carly. Because I see her, and I see all the things I don’t have. All the things Jason doesn’t have. And I can’t stop.”

AJ rose to his feet and held out a hand to Elizabeth. She let him pull her up. “We’ll go somewhere else for lunch, and I won’t use Kelly’s as a meeting place. I get it, Liz. And I’ll do what I can to make this easier for you.”

“Don’t—” Elizabeth took a deep breath.  “Don’t do that. Avoiding it isn’t going to change anything. I just have to figure out how to breathe. I’m still working on that.”

Brownstone: Front Steps

Somehow, she went back to her shift and finished it in Penny’s section. She got through the day, worked on the books for Kelly’s—

And when it came time to close, Penny had told her to go ahead. That she and Don would close up—that Elizabeth had worked hard but needed a break.

She’d agreed because the sympathy in her eyes wasn’t different from everyone else’s. Poor Elizabeth. Mourning another dead boyfriend. Broken hearted again.

Always left.

Always alone.

Gia wasn’t home—she’d stopped by the diner during the dinner rush to let her know her mother had asked Gia to come down to Buffalo for a few days, so Elizabeth had the place to herself for the first time since…

Since everything.

When she got home, there was a package waiting on the front step, her name scrawled across the front in messy black marker. A thick manila envelope with no address, no return, no postage—just her name.

She picked it up—it was relatively lightweight. She fought the urge to open it out front—anyone could be watching her, she knew that. Knew that somewhere, Sonny’s men lurked. She’d turned down a personal escort but had agreed to someone following her.

She tucked it under her arm and reached for the front door.

Upstairs, she dropped everything else on the ground and ripped the package open. A small, black flip phone dropped in her hand. Attached to it was a fluorescent yellow Post-it note.

Midnight.

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose, looked at her watch, and sighed. Forty-five minutes to kill.

She busied herself with things she’d been putting off—putting away laundry Gia had brought home from the laundromat and left folded neatly in her room. She cleaned off the dining table where she and Gia always dumped their textbooks.

She had only a handful of classes this semester and was barely managing to get through them, but it filled her days and thoughts.

And still, even when all the little things were done—there was still ten minutes to wait. Elizabeth made sure her front door was locked, and then went into her room.

The bedroom was next to the living room and overlooked Elm Street. From her window, she could see the harbor and the warehouse district—where the Corinthos Morgan warehouse was still undergoing repairs from the explosion earlier that year.

It felt like a memory from another life when she and Jason had sat in this apartment talking about the secrets and danger that came with his profession. She’d scoffed then at worrying about Jason keeping secrets. She’d never thought it would come to this—

After all, hadn’t Jason and Sonny had front row seats to the last time Elizabeth had grieved for a man not actually dead?

The phone in her hand finally rang, and Elizabeth hesitantly flipped it open and brought it to her ear. “Hello?”

“Elizabeth.”

Oh, God. She pressed a fist to her mouth, tears sliding down her cheeks. She hadn’t realized until this moment that a piece of her—

That somehow, she’d worried she’d hallucinated. That Jason was really dead, and this was all some kind of insane break from reality.

But there it was, his voice. Saying her name the way only Jason did.

“Elizabeth?” he repeated, his voice a bit sharper.

“I’m here,” she said quickly. “I’m sorry—I just—” She sucked in a deep breath. “Is this safe? Sonny said you couldn’t—”

“Sonny doesn’t know,” Jason said, interrupting her. “I just—” There was a long pause. “I am so sorry—”

“You’re sorry—” Elizabeth choked. “I—I should have told you. I wanted to—”

“Elizabeth—”

“I just…” She leaned back against her headboard, drew her knees under her chin. “There was so much going on in my head, and Sonny was worried—”

“He was worried I’d blow the plan up if I knew what he’d done.” The words held heat, irritation. Annoyance. “I wanted to. I still do. I just—”

“I know you can’t tell me,” Elizabeth said dully. “It’s business—”

“It’s not that. I just—I hate this. I hate that you’re doing this. Going through it. Dealing with the lie. I hate that Sonny did this.” He was quiet for a moment. “I wanted to stop it,” he repeated. “But there are people involved that—they’re dangerous, Elizabeth. I’m afraid of what might happen if we don’t see it through. If we don’t give Sonny a chance to figure it out.”

Okay. She could understand that. They’d come this far. It would be an insane waste if nothing came of it. “How long?” she murmured. “How long do I have to keep pretending?”

“Tuesday,” Jason said. “Which is still too long, I know. Things are happening on Monday—they should be done by Tuesday. I—” He waited. “I need you to stay in on Tuesday. Can you do that? People are going to be in town. I don’t want them near you.”

She exhaled slowly. “If it will make it easier for you, then yeah. I’ll stay out of sight those few days. Will you be able to tell me more when this is over?”

“When this is over, I’ll tell you anything you want to know,” he promised. Another moment passed. “I love you, Elizabeth.”

She closed her eyes. “I love you, too.”

Monday, October 7, 2002

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny scrubbed his hands over his face and waited as Benny finished his phone call. It was nearly midnight. It was almost Tuesday.

And Sonny just…he needed to know that his sources had come through.

He needed to know that one goddamn thing would go right. That the people who were coming to the city today had arrived—that Nico’s men had moved positions.

That anything was going the way it supposed to.

Sonny just needed a sign that he hadn’t destroyed his partner, his best friend, his brother’s life for nothing.

Benny nodded, then placed the receiver back on the hook. He turned to Sonny, his expression grave. “Roscoe met with Nico at the pier tonight. And then Lenny picked the Miami arrivals up at the airport. We’re following them now, Boss. Something is going to break. The minute they make a move—”

“We need to give them a target.” Sonny picked up his half-empty tumbler and tossed the rest of the contents down his throat, the liquid scalding. “I need to give them a reason.”

“Sonny—”

“We got vests. We got things to protect me.” Sonny grimaced. “Call a meeting of the Families. We’ll hold it at the restaurant—”

“With less than twenty-four hours’ notice, Sonny?” Benny shook his head. “They’ll never go for it—”

“If Ruiz is in on it, he’ll jump at the chance to have me in the open. And once Ruiz agrees, everyone else will be too scared to turn him down.” He shrugged. “We’ll call Nico about the meeting. Invite him to talk about Las Vegas.”

Benny waited a moment. “Don’t put yourself in danger to prove something to anyone, Sonny. No one’s looking for any martyrs.”

“I promised Jason this would be over tomorrow. I promised Elizabeth.” Sonny looked at his adviser, his smile grim. “Don’t you think I’ve lied enough?”

Tuesday, October 8, 2002

Elizabeth & Gia’s Apartment: Living Room

The days passed slowly between the phone call on Thursday night and Tuesday. Jason didn’t call again, though Elizabeth kept the phone with her at all times. Today, it sat under the lamp next to her on the couch as she stood by the door with Bobbie, trying like hell to get rid of the kind-hearted nurse whose compassion was just too much.

She took the dish of lasagna from Bobbie with a tired smile. “You didn’t have to—”

“I wanted to make sure you were eating.” Bobbie touched her cheek. “You look tired. Thinner.” She sighed. “I’m glad you didn’t…let this hold you back from your studies, but don’t let them drown you either.”

“I’m just…using them as a distraction.” Elizabeth handed the dish to Gia who took it into the kitchen to preheat the oven. “Gia and I have really been killing ourselves with this semester. I want to graduate and get on with my life.” She hesitated. “Bobbie, about Kelly’s—”

Her landlord smiled and nodded. “It’s not your place. I never thought it would be.”

“I just—I needed it. You gave me a lifeline this year, Bobbie. And I don’t think I’ve told you what that meant to me. What it still means to me.”

“Oh, Elizabeth—”

“Same goes for me, Bobbie.” Gia stepped up to Elizabeth. “You didn’t much like me, but you gave us both a fresh start. I know we’re not paying market rate for the rent, but you gave us a place to start over.”

“The minute you stood up for Elizabeth, I changed my mind about you,” Bobbie said. “And I’ve never regretted it.” She sighed. “I just wish the world would leave you alone.”  She looked at her watch. “I have to go in for the overnight shift. You girls staying in?”

“Taking the night off before midterms start next week,” Gia told her. “We’re gonna drink wine, eat lots of lasagna, and watch bad television. Distraction is the word of the day.”

“Trying anyway.” Elizabeth hugged Bobbie once more before she left.

When the door closed behind her, Elizabeth collapsed on the sofa and put her head in her hands. “I’m so scared, Gia.”

“Yeah. I get that.” Gia put the lasagna in the oven and came out to the living room, a bottle of wine and two glasses in her hands. “But this is Operation Distraction. So, let’s think about something else. What’s on the schedule tonight?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth reached for the TV Guide. “Well, we can watch the bad sitcoms on ABC. Or the bad sitcoms on FOX.”

“Choices, choices.”

“Oh, wait—Buffy’s on tonight. I haven’t been able to watch it this year, and it’s supposed to be the last season—” Elizabeth sighed, because just for a moment—she’d forgotten everything else. “You want to?”

“Sure. I figure it’ll cheer us up.” Gia sat down and poured the wine. “After all, your boyfriend isn’t trapped in a hell dimension.”

“No. But he might as well be for all the good it does me.” She pressed the button on the remote to change the channel and tried to put it away. “Gia—”

“You’re thinking about breaking it off with him when he comes back from the dead, aren’t you?” her friend said with a sigh. “I’m not an idiot. I can read between the lines.”

“I’m just…this isn’t the life I wanted.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “And this won’t be the last time I have to lie. You know that—” She paused. “I don’t know. I’m tired. And I’m doing something I hate because it’s what Jason needs. Is that love? He and Sonny…they made me go back.”

“I know, but it wasn’t Jason’s idea—”

“No. But he’s letting it happen. I know he said he had his reasons, and I believe that. But—” she sighed. “How is this different than Lucky? Because I’m in love with Jason? What about me? Don’t I matter?”

“You do—”

“I’ve lied for Jason before. This shouldn’t be different. But—” She sighed. “It just is. I can’t make it come out right in my head. I love him so much. Thinking he was actually dead…you’d think I’d be happier it was a lie—”

“Why?” Gia asked with an arched brow. “Death, at least you can understand that. You know the life Jason leads. The odds that he’ll die in his sleep from natural causes are minimal at best. You know this. Losing him sucked. And you were gonna grieve. But you would have got past it. One day.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Gia—”

“But he’s not dead. And not only is he not dead, he got shot because of Carly. A woman you literally think is the worst human on the planet. A woman who, apparently, has made it her mission in life to destroy anything Jason gives a damn about. And then his best friend, who damn well should have known better, lied to you. And put you through hell.”

“I don’t need a history lesson—”

“The problem with you, Liz, is that you always think you’re supposed to have the answers. Sometimes there just aren’t any.” Gia flipped her hair over her shoulder and turned her attention to the episode.

Elizabeth sighed and watched as Willow walked out of the gate of an airport and couldn’t find her friends. “Wasn’t she evil at the end of last season?”

“You missed the finale. Xander saved the world,” Gia said as she lifted her wine to her lips. “He reminded her that he’s had her back since kindergarten, and that he’d love her even if she destroyed everything.”

Elizabeth eyed Gia skeptically. “Is that supposed to mean something?”

Gia hesitated. “You’re mad because he destroyed your world. Yeah, Sonny started it and did the actual lying, but Jason is the one who is letting it continue, and he did it because Sonny convinced him. And you’re thinking you should cut ties now before something like this happens again. You’re just…he’s not done destroying the world yet, Liz. Let them do what they’re going to do tonight, let him come home. Let the chips fall. Give him a chance to make it right.”

“Yeah. Yeah, okay. I just…I wish I knew what they were doing. Maybe it would be easier. But I guess that’s just something else I don’t get to know.”

No Name Restaurant: Front Entrance

It was just after eight when the limo pulled up in front of the entrance to the No Name which had served as the neutral meeting place for those in the East Coast syndicate for the last fifteen years. It was in Sonny’s territory mostly because the syndicate worked out of New England, the Canadian border in Port Charles was the most lucrative, and Miami hadn’t really complained.

This would be one of the first times that the Families would meet after some power plays over the last five years, with Sammy Tagliatti taking power in Philadelphia, Daniel Vega consolidating the greater part of Boston, and Anthony Zacchara expanding into Manhattan after the fall of the Gambinos.

And Hector Ruiz would be making one of his rare visits north with one of his sons. Sonny hadn’t learned which one, but somehow, he doubted it was the priest.

He stepped out of the limo and buttoned his overcoat. Behind him, Benny and Max also climbed out. Max closed the door and tapped the top of it to let the chauffeur know he could take the car to the parking lot.

Sonny gestured for Benny and Max to go ahead of him a few steps, to secure the entrance and check on the party inside. He turned back to scan the road before going into the restaurant—

He saw the car driving slowly—the window beginning to slide down. He ducked away, moving fast towards the valet booth that had been left empty for the evening, but before he could make it to safety, the night exploded with gunfire.

Pop! Pop! Pop!

Sonny gritted as lead dug into his shoulder, the metal burning its way through skin. Another in his leg.

But the gunfire didn’t stop—bullets kept slamming into the brick façade of the No Name—

And then everything went black.

+3

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry
– Don’t Speak, No Doubt

Monday, September 30, 2002

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

Bobbie’s stomach clenched as she watched her daughter step off the elevator. Carly met her eyes and then walked toward her.

She could count on one hand how many times she had been in the same room with her daughter since the horrible night in August when Carly had shown up on the steps of the Brownstone with blood in her eye and anger in her heart.

All of that energy, as destructive as it seemed, had drained from Carly in the weeks since Jason had gone missing, since his body had been found. Carly had avoided everyone as far as Bobbie could see, and Bobbie was ashamed to admit she was relieved.

There was some truth to Carly’s accusations—that Bobbie had considered Jason family, that Elizabeth held a special place in her heart as an honorary daughter. Carly could never understand that loving others didn’t take away from Bobbie’s love for her daughter.

Bobbie could understand that—hadn’t she lived that truth? Hadn’t she always tried to be competitive? Schemed, lied, cheated to get what she thought was hers?

It grieved her to see her daughter making the same mistakes Bobbie had made, that she was unable to stop her.

“Mama.” Carly wrapped her hand tightly around the strap of her purse. “I was hoping maybe we could talk. Just for a second. I know—I know how busy you are.” She flicked her eyes at one of Bobbie’s floor nurses. “Maybe someone could cover for you?”

Against her better judgment, Bobbie turned to the woman next to her trying really hard not to eavesdrop. “Epiphany—”

“Not a problem, Bobbie. You go and take care of your business.”

Bobbie gestured for Carly to move over to the waiting area. “I haven’t seen you in a few weeks, other than at the memorial.”

“Well, I’ve been trying to get myself together. I had to hire a lawyer to fix my estate. I’ve been trying to talk Jax into giving me control of the club again—” Carly rubbed her temple. “When I go to court for Michael, I need to convince the judge I’ve got my act together—”

“Mmm-hmm…” Bobbie tilted her head. “The judge is going to ask where you’ve been. Do you plan to tell him what you told me?”

“That an enemy of my ex-husband kidnapped me?” Carly said dryly. “That wouldn’t convince anyone Michael was safe with me.” She sighed, set her purse in her lap. “The truth is, Mama, I’m not sure a judge is going to give me custody. I found out that…shortly before he—” Her lip trembled. “I guess Elizabeth or Sonny finally signed the papers or did something because Alexis told me Jason signed a new will just before—” She was quiet for a moment. “He left some money to Michael, but most of it went to her. And guardianship—he gave my son to AJ. Which is all AJ needed. He has his parental rights, he’ll have guardianship—”

“Jason did that this summer before you came back,” Bobbie said. “It was not a punishment to you. He knew if anything happened to him, the Quartermaines might go after Michael. He signed a will in May that gave guardianship to Elizabeth, and then changed it to AJ after the custody agreement was signed.” She braced herself, but Carly didn’t explode.

“Elizabeth told me what happened—how AJ—” Carly closed her eyes. “I thought signing away his rights was the end of it. I always figured if something happened to me, then Michael should go to Jason. That it would be my way of making it right.”

“Jason was never going to win in court, and it weighed on him for some time. Did Elizabeth tell you that? That it was weeks before Jason could admit that to himself. If he hadn’t negotiated with AJ—”

“Then Jason wouldn’t be able to do anything if AJ started to drink again.” Carly nodded. “Yeah, Elizabeth told me that much. And I’ve been thinking about it. AJ didn’t have to sign an agreement either. I—I asked my lawyer to get me a copy of it. Jason…still had total control over visitation.”

“AJ knew Jason was scared, and he wanted Jason to be at peace with it. Dragging Michael in court—he would have won, but everyone would have lost. No, AJ didn’t have to agree. But he did. They both put Michael first, Carly.”

“Jason was always better at doing that than I was,” Carly murmured. “Do you think AJ has it in him to be the same? I need my son, Mama. And I think…. I think the only way I’m gonna get him is if AJ lets me.”

“That’s probably true. You’re going to have to ask him and find out.”

Carly exhaled slowly. “And hope he’s a better person than I am. Because I was never going to give him a chance to be Michael’s father. He knows that. If it were me—”

“But it’s not.”

“You know…” Carly said, a tear sliding down her cheek. “You know, it’s not like I wake up in the morning planning to be a horrible a person. I just…I get scared sometimes. And I just—I react before I can think. Jason knew that about me.  He loved me anyway.”

Still making excuses, Bobbie thought as Carly got to her feet, but at least her daughter was finally being realistic about her future.

She just wished that Jason hadn’t had to die to make it happen.

Safe House: Living Room

Jason scowled over some paperwork, his face pinched in pain. Unsurprisingly, the enforcer had refused any pain medication, and Johnny didn’t blame him.

First, Jason had been drugged out of his mind for a week, then he’d woken up to find his world ripped into pieces, and as if Sonny wasn’t satisfied with that, the remnants of that world had been stomped into the ground, crushed into ashes.

Sure, Jason was alive. And sure, his girlfriend knew it. But no one else did. Johnny didn’t know Elizabeth Webber all that well, but he knew enough about women to figure that no woman relished being tortured for weeks with a missing boyfriend, only to bury a false body—

Yeah, knowing the truth wouldn’t have solved that problem. Only created new ones.

“You want some Tylenol?” Johnny said after another wince had Johnny clutching his own healing shoulder. They were both chafing at being restricted to the property and the week Sonny had asked them to commit to had just turned into two weeks that morning with a phone call.

People were moving around, Sonny had told them. Flights had been purchased for Monday. Could he just have until Tuesday? Tuesday it would all be over.

Jason had agreed but had remained silent since. He hadn’t asked to speak to Elizabeth, hadn’t asked for any of the details. Tuesday would be the final deadline.

And even if Jason didn’t agree, well, Johnny was just going to go back and take out a full-page announcement. This plan had been doomed from the start, but then again, anything involving the boss’s ex-wife was usually a disaster. Came with the territory.

“No, I’m good.”

They returned to their silence, but Johnny grew bored with the Yankees game and finally switched off the television. He tapped his fingers on the armchair.

“You got somethin’ to say, Johnny?” Jason asked after a few minutes.

“No.” Johnny scowled. “Yes.” He shoved himself to his feet, gritting his teeth as his shoulder sang out in pain. “Why did you agree to Tuesday? Why are we going to be stuck in this damn house for another week while the rest of Port Charles thinks you’re dead?”

Jason stared down at the paperwork in front him. Said nothing. His face was set in that empty expression Johnny had always hated and envied at the same time. How the hell did a man just shut down like that? Wipe everything from the surface?

“You don’t have to explain anything to me, all right? You don’t care that Sonny is destroying your life, that’s on you. But you didn’t even bother to check with me to make sure I didn’t mind being stuck here. I work for you, Morgan. You and Sonny don’t own my ass.”

Jason hesitated, sat back in his chair, then looked at Johnny. After a long exhale, Jason nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. I didn’t ask. I should have. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well…” Johnny shrugged, uncomfortable now. “Tuesday’s it. This plan—if it even counts as a plan—it isn’t working, and I’m not doing jackshit here locked up with you. Someone’s coming at us, Jase, and we’re out of the loop. Why doesn’t that piss you off?”

“You think it doesn’t?” Jason demanded, but his voice remained empty. Cold. “You think because I didn’t pull the plug that I’m okay with this—”

“You think your girl doesn’t think that?” Johnny retorted. “Have you even talked to Elizabeth since she left? She walked in this house, and she didn’t know you were alive. That’s what Sonny did to her. She came from your fucking funeral, and he used her guilt, her worry about you to keep you in the dark. Every day you’re here. Every day you don’t talk to her about this—”

“Don’t talk to me about Elizabeth.” Jason rose to his feet, the blue in his eyes hard as flint. “You don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“I was in this room when he told her the truth. When she went to see you, I saw her. I talked to her. Don’t tell me I don’t know. Sonny did that to her. And you’re letting him get away with it—”

Jason exhaled. Closed his eyes. “I’m not. And if anyone but the goddamn Ruiz family was involved, this would already be over, but—” He looked away. “Sonny said some guys were waiting to grab Elizabeth at her studio. To bring me out of hiding, they went after her—”

“And Sonny got them—”

“If they had been connected to Javier or Manny…if they took her…” Jason swallowed. “We’ve heard the stories, Johnny. We know what they to do to women. The next time, it might be Manny.”

“Okay, but—”

“The flights from Miami Sonny told me about? It’s Hector’s men coming up on Monday. The Ruizes aren’t predictable. They don’t follow the rules. They make Zacchara look right in the head.”

“I know—”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen with Elizabeth when this is over.” Jason swallowed hard, his eyes cast aside. An uncharacteristic show of weakness. “I can’t think about that. She can be pissed at me. She can walk away from me. But I need her alive to do that.”

“Okay,” Johnny repeated. He waited a moment. “You don’t have to justify it to me, Jase. That’s not what I’m trying to say—”

“Sonny crossed a line with this. With all of this.” Jason hesitated. “But I’m not thinking about that yet. I can’t.”

Johnny nodded. “Look, it’s not like you’d ever ask me for advice, but…. you need to talk to Elizabeth.”

“Johnny—”

“I can get some burner cells, and if you give me a few days, I can make it untraceable. But you haven’t spoken to her since you found out, and while I want to believe Sonny is keeping her in the loop—”

“Yeah.” Jason met his eyes. “Yeah. Get me a phone.”

Wednesday, October 2, 2002

Kelly’s: Courtyard

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Courtney folded her arms and had pitched her voice a bit lower so that Michael would remain at the counter, carefully finishing his math homework. “Michael,” she said, a bit louder, “make sure you count the apples before you write the number.”

“No, I’m not sure,” AJ said, rubbing the back of his neck. “But with Jason gone, everything is different.” He paused.  “I knew he’d updated his will, I just…I don’t want to push Elizabeth into going to probate court about his estate. I know Alexis has told Carly about the guardianship. I can’t sit back and wait.”

“I just…” Courtney dipped her head. “I can’t stop myself from blaming her. Everything was fine until she came back. We were all happy. You and Jason were going to be brothers. I could see it happening, even if it was just so Liz and I could hang out, you know? And she came in like a one woman wrecking crew, and…now Jason’s dead. My best friend is miserable. And Carly gets her kid back? I mean, come on—”

“If I don’t do something to make the court see I’m trying to do right by Michael, then I look like the petty asshole. She’s going to go after me legally. I didn’t want to drag Michael into court last spring, Courtney. I really don’t want to do it now—”

“I get it,” she said flatly. “I just don’t have to like it.” She nodded to the doorway, where a hesitant Carly was hovering outside the door. “She’s here. Go see what deal you can make.”

AJ ruffled Michael’s hair and then reached out to squeeze Courtney’s hand. “I love you, you know. I wish like hell I could make this different.”

“You can’t, so I guess we just have to figure out how to live with what we’ve got.”

He sighed, and then joined his ex-wife in the courtyard, making sure that Courtney had distracted Michael at the counter.

“AJ.” Carly looked tired—and somehow worse than the last time he’d seen her at Jason’s memorial service. Her eyes were still swollen, her face pale. She wore no makeup and dressed in a simple sweater and jeans with a pair of black boots.

“Thanks for meeting me.” AJ gestured for her to sit, and when she did, he sat across from her. “By now…Alexis has told you about Jason’s will.”

“She has.” Carly pressed her lips together. “But it’s not in effect yet, she said. Sonny and Elizabeth haven’t gone to probate court yet.” She looked away, folding her arms. “I don’t know what they’re waiting for. It’s not like it’ll bring him back—” Her voice broke. “Are you going to tell me I’ll never get my son back? Do to me what I did to you?”

AJ waited a moment. “I thought about it. We both know I could probably win permanent custody if it came to that. Or that we could spend the rest of our lives dragging each other and Michael into court. I don’t want that, Carly. Jason wouldn’t want that.”

“Oh, you speak for Jason now?” Her brown eyes lit now with fury. “You know him so goddamn well? He was my best friend and I—”

“Jason and I talked a lot about Michael when you were gone,” AJ said gently. “About our dreams for him. How much he meant to both of us. I used to resent the way Jason loved him. I thought that I was the only one supposed to love him like a father. I was consumed by jealousy, Carly. You know that.”

“Yeah.” Carly exhaled slowly, closing her eyes. “Yeah, I know. And that’s my fault. I’ve been…” She looked at him. “I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about that—about what you said the day you came to see me at the hotel. I did go out of my way to cut you out of Michael’s life. And in the beginning, it was…” Carly sighed. “I don’t know. I was scared all the damn time back then. I wanted to love Tony. Life would have been easier if I did. But I just didn’t. But I didn’t want to be alone with the baby. And I wanted Jason. That night, I just figured you looked enough like him, if I got drunk enough—” She shrugged.

“I wasn’t a good candidate to be his father back then. Even sober,” AJ admitted. “I wasn’t ready to be sober for myself. I didn’t drink when we were married—until you left. But I didn’t drink because of Michael. It’s not a bad reason, but it’s just—it’s not enough. I have to be sober for me.”

“You showed me a chip.” Carly bit her lip. “A year.”

“Yeah. I got it in July.” He drew it out. Set it on the table. “They work on an honor system, Carly, so I get that you don’t trust it. I didn’t push you, Carly, but that doesn’t change my part in what happened.”

She shook her head. “Can’t—I can’t talk about that. I won’t—”

“We have to deal with it, Carly.” AJ leaned forward. “Because I know we both love Michael. I don’t know where you were for five months, Carly. But I know you love him. I love him. I want to give him a good life. And he’s been asking about you. I need you to see him. I need for him to see you.”

Her dark eyes were wet, and she licked her lips. “Is he—did you bring him?” She shot up from her chair, but before she could get to the doorway, AJ stopped her.

“I brought him. Because I think we can work this out. But we have to find a way to deal with each other. You don’t ever have to forgive me for that night, Carly. I don’t even know if I’ve forgiven myself. I had to put it away, so I could look—”

“You didn’t push me,” Carly said softly. She stepped back. Met his eyes. “I—I know that. I couldn’t—I had to blame you, AJ.”

AJ just stared at her. “Carly—”

“I was…” Carly shook her head, turned away. She wrapped her arms around herself. “A few weeks ago, I went to see Elizabeth. I wanted to understand why Jason…why you had Michael. And she said something…” She hesitated. “She said I needed it to be you. And I hated her for it. But she was right. Because if it wasn’t you, then it was me. But that’s not…”

She turned back around. “We were being hateful. The way we always were. And I was digging at you, trying to make you angry.  I don’t know why it seemed so important. And you were going right back at me.”

Carly spread her hands out. Looked at her fingers. “And I shoved my hand in your face. I shoved Sonny in your face. Told you he was a better man. A better father. And you—you grabbed my hand.”

“You pulled away.” AJ’s throat was raw. “I should have walked away, Carly. I just—I wanted to hurt you.”

“Because I had hurt you first. You didn’t—” She swallowed hard. “You didn’t deserve what I did to you. I married you, but it was a lie. I never even tried to make a life with you. I think about it sometimes. If I had just…trusted you. If I had just trusted Jason, would he still be alive?”

“Carly—”

“I was kidnapped,” she said flatly. “By someone who wanted to do something to Sonny and Jason. I don’t know why. They faked a car accident, and they drugged me until sometime in August. I didn’t even know I was supposed to be dead. And then they showed me pictures. Everyone was so happy. Like I was the only one holding everyone back and with me gone—” Carly closed her eyes. “And you know me. Destroy first. Ask questions when the dust settles.”

AJ exhaled slowly. “You were kidnapped by one of their enemies.”

“Yeah, well, whatever.” She shrugged. “I came home. I made it all worse. And Jason’s dead because of me. We’re all caught up.”

“Carly—”

“I want to see Michael,” she said with a wave of her hand. “We can do everything else later. I just…I need to see him. Please.”

“Yeah.” AJ shook his head, trying to clear it. “Yeah, okay.”

He opened the door to Kelly’s. “Michael, your mom’s out here—”

But the words weren’t out of AJ’s mouth before his son was already halfway across the diner. Like a bolt of lightning, the little boy hurtled past him at his mother.

Carly wrapped her arms around him and lifted Michael into a fierce hug. “Hey, Mr. Man. I missed you, baby.”

“I missed you, too, Mommy.” Michael pulled back. “Daddy said they was wrong about you bein’ in heaven, but that you was real sick. Now you’re better, right?” He turned back to AJ. “Right, Daddy? I can go stay with Mommy at Grammy’s Brownstone.”

AJ’s heart ached. “Sure, buddy. I’m sure your mother and grandmother would love that.”

“But I gotta spend time with Daddy, too, Mommy.” Michael looked at his mother. “I got a room there. It’s really nice. And a backyard. Daddy and Courtney got me a swing set. It’s really cool. You should come see it.”

“I’d like that.” Carly met AJ’s eyes, and then Courtney’s who had followed Michael to the door. “I’d like to see your room and swing set. If that’s okay.”

“Yeah.” AJ nodded slowly. “Yeah, I think we can make that happen.”

Brownstone: Front Steps

Elizabeth sighed when she found Nikolas standing on the front step. “I was just on my way out—and I’m really not—”

“I need to apologize to you,” Nikolas said as she started past him. He reached out as if to grab her elbow, but let his hand fall back to his side when she stopped at the bottom of the steps. “Elizabeth—”

“You should apologize to Emily. She still gives a damn,” she bit out, but then closed her eyes. This wasn’t who she was. Wasn’t who she wanted to be.

She just didn’t want Nikolas to have some sort of epiphany about their friendship when she was lying to everyone. Any ground they might regain right now—it would only be lost when the truth came out.

But that wasn’t Nikolas’s fault.

“I tried,” Nikolas said when Elizabeth said nothing else. “But she was still too angry at me. Lucky’s not thrilled with me either.” He exhaled slowly. “After you left, Emily looked at me and—” He looked away, in the direction of the waterfront and piers. “I always knew Emily had a crush on me, you know? I never felt that way about her, so I tried so hard to be careful around her. I never wanted to hurt her.”

“Nikolas—”

“But when she looked at me, I could actually see that love and affection—the respect she’d had for me? It was gone. I didn’t lose it when I slept with Katherine Bell—” Nikolas grimaced at that memory. “And I didn’t lose it when I started to date Gia, even though Gia had done so much to hurt her.”

Elizabeth sighed, looked down at the sidewalk. “I know. It’s been hard to explain to Emily why Gia and I are friends now, so—”

“But going after you, going after her brother on the day we buried him—” Nikolas shook his head. “That was the last straw for her. And I didn’t know…I didn’t understand how important it was to me that Emily respected me. Until it was gone.”

“She’s too nice to hold it against you for long,” Elizabeth said after a moment. “So, if that’s what—”

“I never—I never looked too hard at myself after everything happened. It was…that entire year—” He waited a moment. “It feels like I was somewhere else. An affair with Katherine? Losing my brother. Losing my uncle.” His voice roughened. “Katherine’s death, the lie about the baby—I kept doing and saying things, and I just couldn’t understand them.”

Against her better judgment, Elizabeth nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I know what that’s like—”

“I clung to you after Katherine—that night at your party—I thought I felt something for you.” He swallowed hard, his eyes dark. “I thought it was love. But it was loneliness. It was grief. It was trying to make something make sense. And you didn’t need me. I didn’t see it that way. I saw Jason taking you away from me.”

“Nikolas—”

“You weren’t my property, but that’s how I treated you.” He scrubbed his hands over his face. “And I kept getting angry because nothing was turning out the way I thought it would. My uncle was this stranger, and then Lucky came home—and God, all that pain was my fault. Helena brainwashed him to use him yes, but she tortured him about you because of me. She stole his love for you, forced him to say things I know must have hurt him—”

“Nikolas.” Elizabeth held out her hand. “Hey. None of that is your fault. What Helena did to Lucky? That’s on her. Don’t take that on.”

He nodded, exhaled with an angry short breath. “Yeah. Well, the crap I did when Jason was back in town—not correcting Lucky. He never believed you about Jason because of me—”

“That’s probably a little true,” Elizabeth said slowly. “Your suspicion didn’t help, but Lucky could see it in my eyes. He and I both lied to each other for years, Nikolas. Lucky knew how I felt about Jason long before I was strong enough to admit it to myself.”

“I’m sorry for what part I played in all of that. And—and I’m sorry for lying last year. I thought it was for the best. I thought Lucky would remember, that you’d both be happy—but—” Nikolas shook his head. “I saw you this summer with Jason. I know you were happy with him. I hate that you’re doing this again.”

Pressure built behind her eyes, and she had to close them. Oh, God, and she had suffered for nothing. Again. Grieving a loved one who hadn’t died—being tricked and lied to—How was she supposed to keep going like this?

“Elizabeth—”

Tears slid down her cheeks as she finally opened her eyes again and looked at him. “It sucks,” she said flatly. “I’m tired of it.”

“I just—I’m sorry if I added to it last week. I’m sorry that it’s happening. And I’m sorry I couldn’t look past my own pride to be the friend you needed. That I couldn’t put Lucky aside to be a friend to you last year.” He hesitated. “I know it will never be the same again, but I just—I don’t want to feel like I have to avoid you. I will if you—”

“I don’t know where we go from here,” Elizabeth said slowly. “If we can ever be friends like we were, but you will always be important to Emily. We can start there.” She managed a smile. “I really do have to go to work now.”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. Thanks for hearing me out.” He stepped aside as she went to her car. She got inside and just took a minute to lay her forehead against the steering wheel. She wasn’t going to work but it was the only way to make Nikolas go away. To leave her alone. To get away from the sympathy, the kind eyes. The hints that the Nikolas she’d once considered closer than her actual family still lurked inside.

Another lie. She was beginning to choke on them.

She was tired of lying. Of being a liar, of being lied to—

She just wanted it to stop.

+3

I would swallow my pride
I would choke on the rhymes
But the lack thereof would leave me empty inside
I would swallow my doubt, turn it inside out
Find nothing but faith in nothing
Want to put my tender
Heart in a blender
Watch it spin round to a beautiful oblivion
Rendezvous, then I’m through with you
– Inside Out, Eve

Friday, September 27, 2002

Safe House: Living Room

Jason carefully edged his way down the hall, wincing at the pain in his side. Ripping his stitches the other day had probably set him back in his recovery—not to mention the week or so Sonny and the doctor had kept him drugged into oblivion.

He had been unable to sleep after Elizabeth had left that morning, and he couldn’t quite kick the idea that something was bothering her—something more drastic than Sonny lying to her and her worry over his condition. She had assumed he was hurt somewhere and Sonny was just not giving her the details, but her eyes had shifted away when she spoke.

He was missing something.

The front door opened, and Johnny strode in with a paper bag and a tray of coffees. It had been deemed relatively safe enough for Johnny to venture into the outskirts of Port Charles to replenish their supplies.

The single bag did not look as though it was enough to feed them for a day much less the weekend Jason had promised Sonny he would wait.

Johnny handed Jason a coffee and then set the bag down before fishing out a newspaper. “I take orders from Sonny,” the warehouse manager said. “I’ve worked for him longer than you have, you know.”

“I know,” Jason said, squinting. “Johnny—”

“And I was only a little irritated when you were promoted over guys who’d been here longer,” the other man continued. “You were younger. Less experienced. And there was a lot of grumbling. You know that.”

“I do—”

“Five minutes of working for you changed that. Even when you turned things over to Moreno, most of us knew why. And knew you’d be back. You were the right guy for the job at the wrong time.”

“Okay, but—

“When Sonny came back, and we went after the territory to get it back, that was fine by me. I respected you both—”

“Johnny, I get it. You followed orders.” Jason shook his head. “My problem isn’t with you—”

Johnny dropped the newspaper on the table in front of Jason as he spoke, and Jason abruptly closed his mouth, silenced by the headline. By the large color photographs. He had never been all that great at photographs, but these were easy to understand.

“’Morgan Memorial, No Suspects in Killing.’” Everything inside Jason seized as he unfolded the paper to read the caption beneath the grainy color photograph of Elizabeth, dressed in black, stepping out of a car with a similarly clad Bobbie at her side.  “’Jason Morgan’s grieving girlfriend’—” He stopped. “What the hell is going on?”

“I didn’t know until Elizabeth came here yesterday.” Johnny’s mouth twisted. “And Sonny…he gave her a royal guilt trip, so she’d lie to you about it. Didn’t want to set back your recovery or put you in danger—”

Jason skimmed the article that recapped some of the events. He’d been missing for two weeks, presumed to be in hiding—until a decomposed body was pulled from the harbor the week before. Testing had later positively identified—next of kin—

“She thought I was dead,” Jason said flatly. “And Sonny waited until yesterday to tell her.” Because Jason had left him no choice. How the hell—Sonny knew what she’d been through in the last few years—knew better than anyone how much she had struggled after Lucky—

“Give me a phone. Now.”

Queen of Angels: Cemetery

It was a cold, dreary, gray afternoon the day they put his little brother in the ground. AJ stood with his wife’s hand firmly in his, next to his mother and father. Emily leaning hard on Ned, with Alexis next to her, an arm around her shoulder.  Just a few paces away, on the other side of Courtney, stood Elizabeth, Gia and Bobbie.

Elizabeth’s face was pale. Blank. And he worried about her. He wanted to look after her because maybe it was the thing you were supposed to do when your brother was murdered. You should look after his family. And Elizabeth was his family.

But it was all AJ could do to get through the day.

He had been one of his brother’s pallbearers. Elizabeth had quietly asked him earlier that week, had asked Sonny if it would be okay. Sonny and some of the men who worked with Jason had also agreed, but Elizabeth wanted AJ to be there too.

To honor the relationship AJ and Jason had managed to create over the last few months.

He had carried his brother’s coffin from the church the day before and loaded it into the hearse. Had taken it from the hearse and carried it to the graveside.

And now he watched as the coffin was slowly lowered.

Soon his little brother would be alone. Beneath cold, dark dirt with nothing but a tombstone marking his place and time on this earth.

His grandparents left first, then his parents. Courtney drove back with Elizabeth and Emily. Slowly, one by one, the mourners at the grave left.

But AJ couldn’t bring himself to walk away.

“Junior?”

AJ turned to his cousin. “Oh. Hey. You’re still here—”

“I keep thinking about that last Christmas,” Ned murmured. “When he was Jason Quartermaine. I can’t even remember the last time I saw Jason Morgan. Now they’re both gone.” He put an arm around AJ’s shoulders. “I hate it. I knew he’d never get his memories back but if he was here—we could still hope.”

AJ closed his eyes, but the overwhelming guilt he normally felt—the knowledge that he had stolen that young man from his life and family—it wasn’t as sharp. It wasn’t his fault Jason was dead.

“I called Alexis yesterday because…I wasn’t sure what would happen with Jason gone,” AJ murmured. “I didn’t know what to do about the guardianship. Carly hasn’t said anything—”

“She can’t take him from you, can she?” Ned asked. His dark eyes glittered with anger. “After everything—”

“I asked Alexis, and—he left everything not related to the business to Elizabeth. Except guardianship. He left that to me. She just—she doesn’t know it yet.” He sighed. “So, I think I’m probably okay. Carly still would have to go to court to establish legal custody, and…”

AJ was quiet for a minute. Let the world settle around him. “All my life I tried to live up to him, to be a better man. And when I failed, I used it as an excuse to destroy my life. I’m looking at his grave, and I can’t—I wasted so much time trying to outdo him. I just…I want him back.” AJ’s eyes burned.

“But I don’t want a drink. So that’s good, right? I don’t want to drown myself in alcohol to lose the grief. I want to hold on to it. Because I finally got to know my brother this summer, and I don’t want to lose that.”

Ned’s arm around AJ’s shoulders tightened into a one-armed hug. “Hey, you want some good news? I’m going to tell the family tonight.”

“Yeah?”

“Alexis is pregnant.” Ned managed a half-smile. “We’re having a baby.”

AJ grinned—and for the first time in a week, felt lightness in his heart. “That’s incredible! Congratulations!” He hugged his cousin more tightly. “Michael’s gonna love having a younger cousin.”

“Let’s go back to the house so Alexis and I can tell the family.” Ned’s smile was a bit more genuine. “We could all use the boost.”

Quartermaine Mansion: Terrace

Emily rubbed her arms as she stepped out of the family room and smiled when she found Lucky standing there, with Nikolas at his side. “My guys.”

“Hey, Em.” Lucky kissed her cheek. “We were just coming back in—”

“It’s fine.” Emily shook her head. “It’s…this reception isn’t really for Jason—it’s for my family, and I know the Quartermaines are a lot to take in.” She turned and through the window, she could see Elizabeth sitting on the sofa, looking down at her lap. Next to her, AJ’s wife, Courtney, touched her shoulder.

She had returned to find that her best friend had…become someone else. Not that Elizabeth still wasn’t her best friend—but she could see the intimacy between Elizabeth and Courtney—the trust. And…with Gia.

“What happened last year?” Emily asked quietly. “Why is Elizabeth so distant—” She looked back at them and was surprised to catch guilty looks being exchanged. “All I knew was that everyone had broken up and that Liz was living with Gia—but I didn’t understand.”

“It’s complicated,” Nikolas began, but Lucky shook his head.

“The why is complicated, but the what isn’t. Nikolas and I lied to them. We lied to Gia for months. And then I lied to Elizabeth. And…” Lucky offered a light shrug. “We weren’t in love anymore. She just…had the courage to walk away first.” He nodded at Nikolas. “And he and Gia realized they brought out the worst in each other.”

“She also saw it first,” his brother said with a dry tone.

Emily bit her lip. “I guess it was naive of me to hope the four of us would be family forever,” she murmured.

“You don’t always have to like your family,” Lucky said, tipping her chin up and offering her a smile. “Sometimes you hate them. You fight. You walk away. And you come back better. We’re still family, Em. We’re just…estranged.” He nodded towards the window. “Elizabeth is still your best friend. When you come home next spring, when you graduate—she’ll be here. So will me and Nikolas.”

“You’re in New York—”

“At the moment,” Lucky said with a nod.  “I went there for space. To do an internship with a photographer my mother knew. I needed to figure out who I wanted to be. Because the guy I was going to be here? He was a selfish asshole who hurt people.”

“Lucky—”

“It’s better now,” Lucky said simply. “I know what I want from life, and I’ve finally…I’ve finally stopped hating myself for not being the guy everyone wanted me to be—” He held up a hand at Emily’s anguished expression. “The guy I thought everyone wanted me to be. And Nikolas and Gia stopped trying to outdo each other to be the most selfish. Elizabeth—”

The trio looked again at the window, at the brunette who had finished the foursome as she flashed a sad smile at Emily’s grandmother.

“And Elizabeth will get through this,” Lucky finished.

Emily turned back to him with a sigh. Had she spent the last few years completely blind to the people around her? Lucky seemed so different from the boy she’d left behind a year ago—but he seemed so at peace, so much…lighter. Nikolas looked unhappy, with lines at the corners of his mouth no one in their mid-twenties should have.

She didn’t know them anymore, didn’t know the ins and outs of their lives or why they had changed. She didn’t know how her brother and Elizabeth had fallen in love—only knew that Jason had seemed happy when they’d last spoken—that Elizabeth’s phone calls had been more frequent and joyful over the last summer—

It was so unfair that all that promise was gone—that Emily would never be able to see what her brother and best friend were like together—that they wouldn’t get to have that life together.

“C’mon, let’s go in and give Elizabeth a break from having to be strong for everyone else,” Emily suggested, linking arms with her friends.

Quartermaine Mansion: Foyer

Bobbie slid her pager back into her bag and touched Monica’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry—I got called in and—”

“Oh.” Monica shook her head. “Thank you for coming—does—does Elizabeth have a way home? I thought she came with you to the cemetery—” Her voice faltered as she said the final words.

“She drove with me, but Gia’s here, so—can you let her know I had to leave?” Bobbie paused as the door to the family room opened, and Edward found them.

She had not seen the Quartermaine patriarch since their tense and bitter dispute at Carly’s will reading in May, and they had not spoken after Bobbie found out Edward had visited Michael’s school.

“Bobbie. I was hoping to find you—”

“I was just on my way out—”

“This won’t take long.” Edward stepped towards her, and then touched Monica’s arm. “Is everything all right?”

“I was just…going to tell Elizabeth that Bobbie had to go—” Monica flashed a smile at Bobbie. “I’ll make sure she gets back to the Brownstone.” She disappeared into the family room.

Edward sighed, looking after her. “It seems so final,” he murmured. “I didn’t realize I had held out hope he could still…come back to us until…” He trailed off, then focused on Bobbie. “I wanted to—I realize I was—I was not—after Carly—”

“Be good to AJ,” Bobbie said. “He’s worked hard, and he deserves your trust. I—” She hesitated. “I always understood your anger, Edward. And I know what happened with Michael wasn’t about me.”

“Still. I thought I knew best, and I could have ruined AJ’s chances. I just—I should trust him more. He’s earned it this summer.” His voice became even more gruff. “You look out for Elizabeth. Take care of her. She’s been good to this family, and we all worry about her.”

“She won’t be alone,” Bobbie said. “I really do have to get to the hospital. Take care of yourself, Edward, and Lila. My prayers are with you.”

“And ours with you.”

Quartermaine: Living Room

Most of the mourners had gravitated towards the family room where the terrace opened out into the garden, so when Emily drew Elizabeth away from the others, she took her to the front foyer. She had also invited Gia and Courtney, and AJ had followed them. She wanted Elizabeth to feel comfortable, to have her support system around her.

But Emily also wanted to find a way to still be part of Elizabeth’s life—not just because she had been so close to her once, but Elizabeth…was the last link to her brother.

“How long are you staying?” Lucky asked as a slightly awkward silence fell on the group. “Do you have to go back right away?”

Emily sighed. “I could only get a few days this week, but I have a break coming up in a few weeks—I’m coming back for about a week in early October. I moved some things around, talked to some professors—I wanted to stay longer—” She shook her head. “I wish like hell I hadn’t gone to UCLA after my rehab finished. I just want to be home.”

“But you’re doing okay out there, right?” Gia asked with a forced casual smile. “You like it?”

“Oh. Yeah. It’s a great program. And I’ll be able to finish my degree in half the amount of time, so—yeah.” She exhaled slowly.

Another silence fell on the group, but Lucky broke it after a moment. “Do you remember when I introduced you to Jason?” he said to Elizabeth. “I think you’d met him before, but it was that day in the boxcar—”

“Oh.” Elizabeth grimaced. “When he came to tell you he was…changing jobs and I embarrassed myself.” She rolled her eyes. “God, I was such a kid—”

“I thought it was funny.” Lucky looked at the others. “She asked if, like, his enemies were gonna come after me—”

“Oh, come on, I did not say it that way—” Elizabeth bit her lip and winced. “Oh, God. But that’s what I meant, and he knew it. He was laughing at me. You know how he does that—he doesn’t actually laugh—” She stopped, as if realizing she was still talking about him as if he were alive. A shadow started to creep back into her expression.

“But you could see it in the way he responded that he was enjoying himself at your expense on the inside,” AJ said quickly with a wry grin. “Yeah. I remember. Obviously, he didn’t think you were too ridiculous.”

“He was a good guy,” Lucky said. “I didn’t always remember that, but it’s easier now. He gave me a job, gave me a way to support myself when I left home. Gave me a home. I should have—” He shook his head. “I should have remembered that before.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Nikolas said with a stubborn glare at Elizabeth who returned his scowl.

“It wasn’t his,” Lucky said easily, and Emily squinted at him. He’d only left Port Charles in May. Could three months away really have given him this kind of peace of mind?

“It was both of ours,” Elizabeth murmured. “But we stopped it.”

“Hey, the first time I met Jason, I totally tried to get him into bed,” Gia said, with a brash grin. Nikolas turned his irritation on her and she just shrugged. “What? I hated Elizabeth, and she clearly wanted him, so it seemed like a good idea.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes—it obviously wasn’t the first time she’d heard that story, so Emily tried to smile at it.

“The first time I met Jason, I got shot,” Nikolas muttered.

“And he saved your life,” Elizabeth shot back. She got to her feet. “I’m going to go—”

“No.” Emily rose. “Nikolas, c’mon—”

“What? We’re sitting around eulogizing the guy like he didn’t get himself killed. People around him die—”

“What about you?” Elizabeth demanded. “You’re a Cassadine. How many people have died around you?”

“Hey, I don’t invite the danger,” Nikolas retorted.

“Really?” Elizabeth snorted. “Pretty sure last year was entirely your idiotic idea—”

“Guys—”

“And it worked,” Nikolas said flatly. “Stavros is dead. Lucky is free. And Helena is locked away. The danger is over for me, but you don’t even see that this is the best thing that could have happened to you—”

“Nikolas!” Emily growled. “That’s my brother you’re talking about—”

“Whatever. You stay, Liz. Clearly, I’m the only person here who lives in reality—”

Elizabeth stopped him as he started to stand. “Don’t talk to me about reality, Nikolas. All I have ever done is support you. You wanted to marry Katherine Bell? I stood by you even though everyone of us knew you were insane—”

“Katherine Bell?” Lucky said with a frown.

“That’s not fair—”

“You wanted to date the woman who blackmailed Emily—”

“Hey—” Gia said with a scowl.

“And I stood by you even though she was literally the worst—”

“I mean, that’s some strong language,” Gia muttered. “I’m not that bad—”

“And every time you told me that I just had to stick it out, that if I walked away from Lucky, he’d be lost forever, I let you punish me. I let you guilt me into staying. Don’t—” She broke off, shook her head. “You don’t have some high moral ground here, Nikolas. You have been punishing me for years—”

“Punishing you for what?” Nikolas demanded.

“Don’t make me—” Elizabeth huffed. “Don’t make me say this in front of them.”

“No, say it—”

“You don’t like Jason because I fell in love with him, and not with you when we thought Lucky was dead,” Elizabeth snarled. “That’s where this started, and you damn well know it. You tried to kiss me the night of my birthday party, and I pushed you away. And you have never forgiven me for turning to someone else.”

Nikolas’s face stilled as he swallowed. “That is not true—”

“And when you thought I had moved on, you threw Lucky in my face. You used him against me, tried to make me feel guilty like I was supposed to be alone forever—”

Lucky squinted. “Is that why Helena made me say you belonged with Nikolas all the goddamn time? Because you wanted Elizabeth—”

“This is fascinating,” Gia murmured to Courtney who smacked her in the arm. “Ow, what? I’m not supposed to be entertained?”

“You can throw Jason’s life in my face all you want, but we both know the truth.” She looked to Gia. “I want to leave. Can you—Bobbie was my ride—”

“Yeah, yeah. Even though I’m literally the worst.” Gia got to her feet and shook her head at her former fiancé. “Man, you should have just let it go. You really are a dink.”

Elizabeth looked at Emily’s stricken face. “I’ll call you later. We’ll—we’ll talk.”

And then she left the room, Gia hurrying after her.

“Is that true?” Emily asked softly. “Did you—kiss her—and then throw Lucky—”

“She makes it sound simple,” Nikolas muttered as he scrubbed his hands over his face. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Except it was.” Lucky tilted his head. “Carly told me that they were sleeping together, and I went to you. And you…you had to know the truth by then. Except—you didn’t tell me. You told me that Jason was a bad influence on her, that he’d nearly gotten her killed. You never told me they weren’t together.” He rose to his feet. “And you know, I didn’t…I didn’t believe her when she said nothing happened. Because you were my brother, and I thought she was trying to spare my feelings.”

“Lucky—” Nikolas paused. “I don’t know what you want from me.”

“Well, this has been fun,” Emily said with some irritation. “Now I remember why I went to school in California. I just wanted to sit here with people I loved and mourn my brother. I wanted Elizabeth to feel safe here. And you had to make it about you,” she said with derision towards the man she had loved once so fiercely. Nikolas grimaced.

“Em—”

“You can show yourself out,” she said with a snarl and stalked from the room.

Gia’s Car

“I didn’t mean it.”

Gia shrugged as she maneuvered down the Quartermaine’s long driveway towards Harborview Road. “I literally was the worst, so it’s okay.”

“Yeah, but—”

“Hey, let me tell you how much fun it was to see you finally let loose on my idiot ex-fiancé.” Gia made a left and turned towards the waterfront. “He’s the only one who didn’t get to hear your wrath when it all went down, so I was wondering if you’d get around to him.”

“I just— I can’t believe he did that. That he made it all about him. Emily just wanted to talk about her brother. To be with her friends. And Lucky was trying so hard—”

“It was nice, hearing him talk about Jason without violence in his eyes.” Gia glanced at her. “Look, you’re already dealing with the guilt of having to bury a casket with a fake body, and then mourn with his family. Don’t take on Nikolas’s idiocy with that.”

“He’s just—” Elizabeth closed her mouth. “He hasn’t been right since Stefan faked his death that summer after we lost Lucky. And then Katherine Bell lied about being pregnant—he wasn’t in love with me, Gia. I was just…safe. A link to Lucky. And I don’t know, maybe if I hadn’t…found Jason. Hadn’t already started to work through my grief—maybe I would have been—” She stopped. “But I can’t make excuses for him. He had no right to do that to Emily. And for all he knows, I’m actually grieving Jason.”

She looked at the window as they left behind the ritzy neighborhood of the Quartermaines. “And I’m already irritated with myself for lying to Jason. It didn’t take a lot to set me off today.”

“Jason will understand.”

“I just…” Elizabeth was quiet for a moment. “When this is over, everything will change. You weren’t here when Jason found out about Sonny and Carly, but it was—he wouldn’t tell me exactly what happened. He’s always held things close to the chest, but I knew they’d done something. He cut them both out, but he just seemed so uncertain, and God, that’s the one thing Jason just never—he was never uncertain. He always knew what he was doing. Where he was going. What he was thinking. They stole that from him.”

Gia pulled up to a red light and flicked on her blinker to turn onto Elm Street. “And now, Sonny has forced the people who love Jason to mourn him. To memorialize and bury him. He’s stolen Jason’s entire life this time.”

“He couldn’t figure out how to do his job after what happened with Carly. He tried for a little, but it was part of the reason he left. Sonny isn’t just his partner, Gia. Not just his friend. He’s—he’s a brother—”

“He’s a father figure,” Gia corrected. “Brothers get to mess up. Father figures get put on pedestals. When they mess up, it screws with the whole order of things.” She was quiet for a moment. “I know what it’s like for the man you think of as your father to destroy your entire world.”

Elizabeth frowned at her. Gia didn’t often speak of the time before she’d arrived in Port Charles, of her life after her brother had left home and Elizabeth had never pushed her. “Gia—”

“Anyway. It’s a mess no matter how you look at it. You’re pissed at Sonny, pissed at yourself for being in the position of having to grieve at all—just because Jason wasn’t actually dead, as far as you were concerned, he was. And you gotta deal with that. Plus, Sonny lied to Jason. And Jason’s gonna find out. How are you supposed to protect yourself when all you wanna do right now is protect him?”

“Can I even do both?” she asked softly. “Should I even try? I’m…I’m just tired of pretending to be something I’m not. Someone I’m not. I really thought this part of my life was over.”

Safe House: Living Room

Sonny had thought he might have more time before Jason discovered the truth. A few more days—there were hints that a hit was being planned, some rumors that someone was shopping out for a hired gun. Nothing tangible, nothing Sonny could use to find out who was involved—

But he thought he might be close.

And then Jason’s phone call had come that morning.

He’d always known Jason would never have agreed to this plan if he’d known—if Sonny had given him the choice. He’d known that Jason would be angry. That it would strain the bonds of friendship—

But Jason didn’t want to hear Sonny’s reasons, didn’t care that Sonny had seen it as a choice between hurting Elizabeth and his family for a little while to protect them from something worse happening. Something more permanent.

“They all think I’m dead, Sonny.” Jason threw the newspaper at him, his face set in that empty expression Sonny knew so well. Jason only retreated like this when he was too angry or too hurt to deal with the emotions.

“I know.” Sonny picked the paper up from the floor and smoothed his hand over the photo of Elizabeth and Bobbie at the funeral. “I told you. They were going to try something to drag you out of hiding—we were lucky to intercept those guys before they grabbed Elizabeth at her studio. She was almost kidnapped—”

“Then you tell me. And we deal with it. You don’t fake my death, Sonny!” Jason shot back. “And you let Elizabeth think I was dead—and then you convinced her to lie about it. What the hell did you think you were going to prove?”

“I—” Sonny hesitated. Sat down. “I knew that the second they confirmed the identity, Taggert would go straight for her. To tell her. To test her reaction. If the cops didn’t believe it, if Elizabeth didn’t believe it—”

“Bullshit,” Jason said quietly. “You deliberately lied to Elizabeth. You know she could have done this. She’s lied before. She lied to me, and I almost bought it. She could have done this. But you cut her out.” He looked away. “Everyone who matters the most to me in the world, Sonny—they think I’m dead. My grandmother. My sister.” He swallowed. “Michael. My parents. Bobbie.”

“I—” Sonny exhaled slowly. “I keep underestimating the people doing this. I keep thinking that if we do this one thing, then we’ll find them. If you go to the warehouse, we’ll get answers. If I keep you out of sight, if I fake your death—I can’t get ahead of them, Jason. Maybe I lied to Elizabeth for other reasons, but I’m not lying about the danger she was in—”

“How long do you expect me to wait?” Jason demanded roughly. “To put my family through this?”

At his side, Benny cleared his throat. “We’ve had some rumors about some men moving around. We know Roscoe’s behind Carly’s disappearance. Nico’s involved—he’s been seen meeting with Roscoe, but we got some evidence that Zander Smith might still be a factor.”

“Zander—”

“Which means Hector Ruiz might be the mastermind,” Sonny cut off Jason’s surprised reply. “We confirmed Zander’s running a crew down there. But he was in Port Charles a few days ago—and he made it a point to seek out Elizabeth. He was testing her reaction. She got angry at him, went after him—and he got on a plane shortly afterwards. He never tried to see Emily or anyone else.”

Jason waited a moment. “Hector Ruiz. Those men moving around—”

“Are his men. And wherever Hector goes—”

“Javier and Manny do, too.” Jason looked away. Swallowed hard. And Sonny knew he had him.  “Okay. What’s the plan?”

“They wanted you out of the way, Jason, to get at Sonny,” Benny said. “That’s another reason we think Zander is involved. There aren’t many people who would know that taking out Sonny can’t be the endgame if you’re still in play. He came to see Elizabeth—because Zander probably knows you wouldn’t lie to her. And nothing would draw you out of hiding like going after Elizabeth. He’s the inside track.”

Jason scrubbed his hands over his face. “I’m not hearing a goddamn plan, Benny.”

“We’re still working that out,” Sonny admitted. “A week, Jase. No longer. I promise.”

Jason looked at him with that same empty expression. “That’s all you get. But the lying to Elizabeth stops now. Do you get that? I trusted—” He stopped. Shook his head. “It just stops now.”

“Yeah.” Sonny stepped back, set the newspaper he still held on the back of the sofa. “Yeah, okay. A week, and this will all be over.”

But the words felt empty even as he said them. He’d made his choices. He would defend them to his last breath.

And ultimately, Sonny would have to live with them.

+2

But if you close your eyes
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes
Does it almost feel like
You’ve been here before?
– Pompeii, Bastille

Thursday, September 26, 2002 

Queen of Angels: Anteroom

Gia hesitated when she stepped over the threshold of the church. She could see through the main doors that Elizabeth and Bobbie were at the front of the chapel, speaking quietly with Father Coates before the memorial.

But Emily was here. In this room. With her brother and Courtney.

They turned at her entrance. Courtney smiled at her, a sad smile, but they were the only ones who weren’t…really reeling from this loss. Jason had been on the peripheries of their lives, not a central character.

Emily hesitated, then broke away from the pair to approach Gia. Her eyes swollen and red, she said in a rough voice, “Do you have a minute to talk?”

“Sure,” Gia said. And if Emily wanted to throw shade at her, read her to filth for her past actions—whatever Emily needed to do in this moment, Gia would let her.

Gia had an older brother who was at the center of her universe too, after all.

“I know…” Emily said after they had gone to the courtyard. She paused. “I know we’ve had our differences. That—that we’ve never been…friendly, but, um…” Her voice broke. “I know you and Elizabeth are close now. And that you’ve been here in a way this year that I don’t know if I could have.”

“Emily, listen—”

“No, no just—” Emily took a deep breath. “When Lucky died, we all…we all drowned. And we couldn’t save each other. We didn’t—we should have clung to one another, but we just couldn’t. We didn’t lose him in the same way, and maybe we were just too young to know how to help each other.” She cleared her throat. “But it helped for Elizabeth to have someone who didn’t lose him that way—but had known him all the same—it helped her. My brother—” Emily sucked in a deep breath. “Oh, God.”

“Hey, listen—” Gia touched her shoulder. “Listen,” she repeated. “I’m here for Liz, no questions. Because she’s been here for me. But—I can be here for you. I think about losing Marcus, and even though he literally annoys me more than anyone on Earth, if I lost him, I would lose my center. I would lose my goddamn mind. So, listen. Yeah, I’m here for Liz. And we’ve never been friends, you and me. But that was then. This is now.”

“I just—I can’t—I can’t stop thinking—I always knew it would be this way. I knew it,” Emily said fiercely. “I knew he’d been shot before. He’s almost died. But I didn’t—I always thought—I thought he was Superman. That bullets couldn’t break him. And they did. They took him from the world, and he was just—he was just—Elizabeth sounded happy when we talked. Jason sounded happy. They were happy. What kind of world does this—”

Her face crumbled, and the tears Emily had been holding back broke though. Gia embraced her, her old enemy, this girl she’d never been kind to, and held her while she sobbed.

Queen of Angels: Chapel

“Mama.”

Bobbie turned away from Elizabeth at the sound of her daughter’s voice and winced. “Carly.”

“I—” Carly’s face was swollen as if she had done nothing but cry since she’d heard the news. “I just—” She looked at Elizabeth who hadn’t moved since Carly’s approach.

Elizabeth was so fragile, so brittle—Bobbie took her daughter’s elbow and started to steer her away. “I just wanted to tell her I was—”

“There is nothing you could say to Elizabeth right now that would make this go away.” Bobbie shook her head. “I don’t know what you said to him that day, what put this all in motion, but—”

“Mama, I—” Carly closed her eyes and said flatly, “You’re blaming me.”

“I’m blaming the man who shot him,” Bobbie retorted. “I’m blaming Sonny Corinthos for introducing him to this life. Jason for staying. I’m blaming myself. But if you said something to him, and he went to that warehouse because of you, then, yes, Carly, I blame you.”

“Of course you do.” And just like that the grief slid from Carly’s expression. The distaste. The bitterness. The venom. It was back. “You loved Jason more than me. Elizabeth. They’re your family. Not me.”

“I made you my family when you didn’t give me a reason to.” Bobbie sliced her hand through the air. “But, yes, Jason and Elizabeth are part of my family, too.” Her eyes softened just a bit as she took in the misery behind Carly’s anger.

“I know you feel like you’ve never measured up. Not to BJ. Not to Robin. Elizabeth is not competition for your place in my life. Or your place in Jason’s life. And I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel that way. You are my daughter, and I love you, Carly. But you have to stop this.”

“I don’t know how—” She swallowed her sobs. “Because, oh, God, it is my fault, and I don’t know if I can live with that.”

“And I don’t know if I can help you with that. Not anymore. I have to think about Michael. And about my family. I can’t make you a better person, Carly. That will be up to you.”

——

Elizabeth floated through the memorial. It was short—Jason never would have wanted anything elaborate or complicated. Father Coates said a few words, but no one got up to speak. Emily tried, but she was crying too hard, and Ned and AJ had to carry her back to her seat.

Elizabeth wanted to—God, she nearly stood. But what she had to say about Jason wasn’t for anyone else’s ears. It was just for her own.

Sonny had sat down next to her before the service had begun, and she had forgotten she was angry at him. Forgotten that she blamed him. She just let him sit there and took solace in the fact that he had loved Jason, too. The anger, the bitterness…that could wait.

She sat between Bobbie and Sonny, her hands clasped tightly in Bobbie’s, Sonny’s arm around her shoulder. And just…floated.

His casket was up there, his photograph was next to it. He was smiling in it—a photo Bobbie had said was from one of the times he had gone to the Nurse’s Ball with Robin, who had not flown in from Paris, though Bobbie said she had called. Had tried to get away.

These were just facts to Elizabeth now. Just pieces of a life she couldn’t seem to grasp.

Carly was sitting in the back. Elizabeth could see Monica, Lila, and Emily in the front pew on the other side. AJ and Courtney were behind Elizabeth and Bobbie. Taggert and Gia were sitting quietly a few rows in front of Carly. Alan, Ned, and Edward behind their family. Lucky and Nikolas were across from Taggert and Gia.

After Father Coates closed the prayers, the Quartermaines shuffled past the coffin. Saying their last respects. Monica’s knees buckled, but Alan kept her upright and helped her back to her seat.

Emily didn’t leave her seat, and God, Elizabeth couldn’t bring herself to do it either.

She couldn’t look at the coffin. Couldn’t accept that Jason was inside of it.

“I can’t stand it,” she murmured, her voice breaking after Bobbie had gone up to talk to Edward and Lila. “He’s trapped in there. We should—we should have had him cremated, Sonny. We-we did it wrong. He should be free. Can we—” She sucked in a breath, because it hurt so much to think about it. But she had to do it.

Had to do right by him. “I want—can we talk to the Quartermaines? Or is it you? I don’t even know who did any of this. We should—he needs to be free, Sonny. Please, please—”

“Elizabeth—” Sonny closed his eyes, bowed his head, and she felt like a horrible villain. This was Sonny’s best friend Elizabeth was talking about. Sonny’s brother.

“I—I’m sorry—”

“No, No, don’t.” Sonny got to his feet. “But you’re right. It’s wrong.” He looked over, his eyes wet. “I did it all wrong,” he said hoarsely. “It’s—come back to the penthouse with me. We can—let’s talk about it, okay?”

“I—” Elizabeth swallowed, let Sonny pull her to her feet. “I’m supposed to go to the Quartermaines, but—” She took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. I can’t stand it anymore. I don’t want to go to the cemetery tomorrow and bury him. I-I can’t. It’s not too late, is it?”

“No.” Sonny smoothed his hand down her back as they approached Emily, who had been joined by Courtney and Bobbie. “No, it’s not too late.”

“I know there’s a reception at the mansion,” Elizabeth told her friends, “but Sonny—Sonny asked me to come to the penthouse.”

“A quiet dinner, maybe…just…some…quiet,” Sonny repeated.

“Of course,” Bobbie murmured, pressing a kiss to Elizabeth’s forehead. “Call me, okay, sweetheart?”

“I’m sorry, Em,” Elizabeth began.

“Hey—” Emily shook her head. “You have to do what’s right for you. I wanna be surrounded by family, but you don’t have to want that. Go be with Sonny. Jason—” She looked at Sonny. “Jason loved you so much.”

“I know,” Sonny murmured, his voice tight. “Let’s get going before the press gets it in their head to follow us.”

Limo

Elizabeth closed her eyes, leaning back against the smooth leather of the back seat. “I’ve been so angry at you.”

“Elizabeth—”

She continued as if he hadn’t spoken. “But I should have thought about you. That you were worried, too. I shouldn’t have shut you out—or let you shut me out—”

“Elizabeth…” Across from her, Sonny just shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Listen. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for all of this. God, Elizabeth, I never wanted you hurt again. You know that—”

“I know.” Elizabeth blinked as she realized they had driven longer than it would have normally taken to travel from the Queen of Angels to Harborview Towers. “Are we going in circles or something? Are we trying to lose the press?”

“Oh. No.” Sonny felt the car slow. “Listen to me,” he said, leaning forward. “No matter what you think going forward, Elizabeth, you matter to me. You are part of my family. You have been part of my family longer than my own sister—”

“Sonny—”

“And I know that these last few weeks have been devastating. That you—I know how much you’re hurting. And I want to make that go away for you. But you know…you knew what kind of life Jason and I—what our business is. Jason told me you knew. I know that knowing is different from being in the middle of it, but we just—sometimes we have to make choices that we hate. To protect everyone.” The car started to ride over gravel, the rocks crunching beneath the tires until it came to a complete stop.”

Elizabeth frowned at him. “Sonny, what’s going on—” She frowned when Max opened the car door.

She stepped outside, still frowning as she took in the trees around them, the simple stone English-style cottage set back against the lake. “Sonny—Are we trying to avoid the press?”

This time, Sonny nodded. “Yeah. Something like that. Let’s just…let’s go inside.”

Inside the house, Elizabeth frowned when she saw Johnny O’Brien lounging on a sofa, irritated with a magazine in his hands, flexing his left arm as if it was sore. “What’s going on?” she asked.

“Johnny was with Jason that night,” Sonny said. He looked at her now, and his expression was empty. Stony. “Jason was shot twice, and Johnny kept him alive until we got him to this safe house. There’s a medical facility here.”

Elizabeth opened her mouth, then closed it. “Jason…was alive when he left the—I don’t understand—” Except she thought…maybe she did and everything inside her was screaming.

“I kept him sedated for the first week because I knew he would want to see you. And it was hell keeping him here the next two weeks once we finally stopped—”

“Just stop—” Elizabeth held up her hands, shook her head. “What…what is happening right now? What do you mean you kept him sedated—what the hell, Sonny—”

“Sonny,” Johnny said, slowly, “why is she dressed like she’s coming back from a funeral?”

Sonny closed his eyes. “Elizabeth, Jason is in the back. He’s…he was shot. He almost died, that wasn’t a lie. It was touch and go. The blood loss was severe—”

“Oh my God, oh my God, you faked his death—” She pressed her fist to her mouth. Looked at Johnny. “You—you lied. You knew where he was. You knew he was okay, and oh, God, you arranged for a body—”

“A body—” Johnny’s eyes bulged. “Fuck off, Sonny. What did you do?”

“You didn’t know—” Elizabeth’s eyes started to burn from the tears. “What—”

“Jason never would have let that—” But Johnny shut his mouth.

“Listen to me, this was all me.” Sonny planted a hand against his chest. “I lied to you. I put the plan in motion. And I got reason to believe it’s working, okay? And it only works if Jason doesn’t know.”

“W-What?” Elizabeth sputtered. “What are you talking about?” She shook her head. She had to think. Had to get through this. Had to understand. “Jason didn’t fake his death. You did it. You put us through this for business—”

“A week ago, before the body was found, we caught two men lying in wait at your studio,” Sonny said bluntly. “They did not believe Jason was hurt badly enough to get what they wanted from me, so they decided they would force their hand. Taking you would have forced Jason to come out of hiding.”

Elizabeth pressed her trembling lips together. “And if I went back there—if I told him—”

“He’s not recovered enough to come back yet,” Sonny said. “And you know the cops. They’re crawling all over this. But yeah, he finds out what’s happening, he’ll want to end it, and he’ll put his recovery in jeopardy.”

“Sonny,” Johnny muttered. “C’mon—”

“He knows that you didn’t know. He’s pissed at me for that, too. It was all I could to convince him to wait. To give me time to solve this. But you cannot tell him—”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve asking for me for anything right now,” she hissed. “For three weeks, I have been living in a nightmare. For the past week, I’ve been grieving my future with him, and you’re here, telling me that it was all a lie. That none of it was real—”

“I did what I had to do to protect you,” Sonny said. “I never wanted to hurt you, but I couldn’t avoid it. If they had taken you, Elizabeth—” He shook his head. “I know what you’ve been through. So yeah, I put you through this because I didn’t want something worse.”

She closed her eyes. “Then why am I here today?”

“Because Jason threatened to walk to town again on his own to find transportation if Sonny didn’t bring you,” Johnny said bluntly. “And this time, Sonny couldn’t talk him out of it.”

“Why is he back there? He would have heard the car—heard us talking—it’s not that big a house—”

“The doctor drugged him again,” Johnny muttered. “Said Jason was moving around too much. He ripped his stitches when he was yelling at Sonny yesterday—”

Sonny winced. “Johnny—” He sighed. “He’ll be coming out of it soon. That’s why I asked you to come to the penthouse for dinner. You can stay for a while. Over night.” Sonny looked at Max who was standing impassively at the door, and Elizabeth noticed the bag in his hands for the first time. “We brought some things for you to change into—”

“So Jason doesn’t see my black dress and wonder?” Elizabeth said, acidly. “You kept him drugged and confined to a room for three weeks, Sonny. You lied to everyone in his life that he loves. You—you planted a body that was so decomposed we had to have a closed casket, and now you want me to go into that room and keep lying to him. To the man I love—” She shook her head. “And if I don’t, it’ll just prove you right, won’t it?”

Sonny hesitated. “Elizabeth—”

“You may tell yourself that you were just protecting me, but you were testing me. And at some point, I must have failed, right? Was it that first night? When I answered Taggert’s questions? When I admitted I knew more than I should? When exactly did I let you down, Sonny?”

“You didn’t—”

“If I go in that room, and I tell him the truth, and I tell him what you’ve done to his life, to me—that’ll just make you right. You’ll just feel justified that I’m a little girl who doesn’t understand Jason or his life. You lied to me, Sonny. And you, more than anyone else, know what you’re asking of me.” She shook her head. “I’m not giving you the satisfaction. I’ll keep your fucking secret. Because I don’t want to hurt him. I don’t want to be the one to tell him what you’ve done. I can’t break his heart. That’ll have to be you.”

She turned away from him, turned her back and looked at Johnny, who looked supremely uncomfortable. “Take me to him. I want—” Her voice broke. “I need to see him. And I need him to see me when he wakes up. So, show me where to change, so I can be with Jason.”

Johnny remained silent as he showed Elizabeth to a bathroom where she quickly shed her black dress and pulled on a pair of jeans and long-sleeved shirt. She shoved the dress into the duffel bag and followed Johnny to a closed door.

“He’s still out of it,” Johnny told her with a sigh. “It was the only way to keep him still long enough to put the stitches back in. He really doesn’t know—I’m sorry—”

“It’s fine,” she said with a shake of her head. “I just—” She swallowed hard. “I need to see him. I can’t believe it until I see him.”

“He’s going to kill Sonny,” Johnny muttered but he left her alone at the door and returned to the front of the house.

Elizabeth stared at the door for a long moment before pushing it open.

The room was in shadows—the only light from the setting sun peeking through the white blinds stretched across a bay window. It was a plain room with bare walls, a wooden dresser and a pair of matching nightstands flanking a wide double bed.

And in that bed, even in the dim light, she could see that Jason was stretched out, his eyes closed, his face turned slightly towards her.

His chest gently rising and falling as he slept.

He was alive. He was breathing.

She stifled the sob that bubbled up in her throat, biting hard on her fist. Jason was shirtless, so the white bandages stretched across his chest were stark against the gray comforter and sheets, one affixed high on his left shoulder, and the other was lower, closer to the heart.

How close had she come to losing him? She should have been here. Taking care of him. Making sure he ate. That he didn’t move.

Elizabeth crept forward, her bare feet making little sound on the threadbare carpet covering the floor. She perched on the other side of the bed, just staring at him.

He didn’t stir when the mattress dipped—and she knew that was from the drugs. He was such a light sleeper—almost as if the fluttering of her eyelids in the morning was enough to wake him. But he slept on even as Elizabeth gingerly stretched out on her side next to him, reached for his hand and laced her fingers in his.

He was alive. Everything else could wait.

Miami, Florida

Ruiz Compound: Hector’s Study

Zander was still pissed when he received the summons to meet with Ruiz and Alcazar as soon his flight landed at the local airport. He’d been sent to Port Charles to get an on the ground report from Roscoe and Nico, and he was starting to resent playing the middle man. When the hell was he going to have something show for this?

“The PCPD tests came in while I was there,” Zander said. He poured himself his own drink at Hector’s mini bar and didn’t bother to wait until he was offered a seat. “DNA confirms it was Morgan in the harbor.”

“How did he end up there?” Hector demanded. “Why did it take so long—”

“No way to know for sure. His is the only body that surfaced. Nico told me that no one’s seen Johnny O’Brien since the night Jason went missing either.” Zander shrugged. “Roscoe sent two guys. One came back—all he said was that Morgan has been shot, that it all went to hell. Does it matter?”

“I don’t like loose ends,” Alcazar murmured. “And I don’t like unexplained bodies. The body was decomposed?”

“Two weeks in the Port Charles harbor will do that.”

“Still.” Alcazar lifted a shoulder, took his cigar from his mouth and examined the tip. “It’s interesting that of the men unaccounted for—only Morgan showed up. And it was Morgan who was the target.”

Zander squinted. He hadn’t thought about it that way. “You think it’s a lie?”

“Does Sonny have the connections to pull that off?” Hector asked. “How hard it would it be? Bribe a few officials. Grease a few hands. Find a corpse that looks similar in build—”

“Nico and Roscoe didn’t seem to question it,” Zander said. “They were planning to grab Elizabeth Webber outside her studio last week, but the guys never came back. They figured Corinthos had someone on her.”

“Trying to draw Morgan out of hiding.” Alcazar looked at Hector. “What do you think?”

“I don’t know,” Hector admitted. “It’s…a pretty ballsy move to fake Morgan’s death. It’s not like he’s a standard soldier. Doesn’t he have connections in the city?”

“Yeah.” Zander ignored the pressure in his chest, the guilt swimming inside over Emily. “He doesn’t claim the Quartermaines, but they claim him. But I saw his girlfriend—Elizabeth Webber thinks he’s dead. And he’s not gonna lie to her.”

“Maybe he’s not lying to her.” Alcazar tapped the ashes of cigar into a stone tray on the edge of Hector’s desk. “And wouldn’t that be interesting if Corinthos was doing this on his own?”

“Why would that be interesting?” Zander said. “We wanted Morgan dead—”

“I wanted to destroy Sonny Corinthos,” Alcazar corrected. “Morgan is incidental. You told me I’d have to get past Morgan to get to him. If Corinthos went ahead and faked Morgan’s death without even telling the Webber girl—well, I suppose we’ll just see how much blind loyalty he has for his boss.”

“Roscoe and Nico are planning a hit next week,” Zander said after a moment, because he didn’t know what the hell Alcazar was looking for here. It was as if Alcazar didn’t mind that the entire ambush might have failed—as if toying with Sonny Corinthos was nearly as much fun as actually killing him.

What the hell was his game?

“Odds are it will fail,” Hector told Alcazar. “Neither of them is all that bright. But you might get lucky. All you need is one bullet to hit its mark.”

“That’s what I’m counting on.” Alcazar shrugged. “But if this doesn’t work, we’ll just find another way to get at Corinthos. He’s not invincible.”

Safe House: Bedroom

He’d been drugged again.

Jason woke with a groggy groan as he turned his face into the pillow, irritated with the sluggish way his muscles responded to his brain’s commands to move.

He remembered arguing with Johnny—a pain in his chest—blood—and then the doctor—he must have ripped his stitches, because his chest felt sorer than it had in a few days.

He forced his eyes open and then turned his head sharply—someone else was in the room—

Elizabeth lay beside him, one hand on the pillow, another laying between them, just inches from his hand. He stared at her for a long moment, trying to clear his head. Had she been here before they drugged him? No. No, she wouldn’t have let them—

He turned his head to the other side where a digital clock told him it was nearly seven. Judging from the lack of light coming from the windows, it was evening.

Jason winced as he slowly sat up, pressing a hand to his chest, swinging his legs over the side. He had to start moving. Had to get up.

“Jason—” Elizabeth’s voice was slurred and then she jackknifed into a sitting position. Even in the shadowed room, he could see the white of her eyes. “Jason?”

“Hey…” he switched on the lamp on the night stand. “Hey. I’m right here.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth turned to him, her eyes wet with tears. She reached out, her fingers brushing his shoulder. “You’re real. I’m awake? I’m really here?”

“You are.” Jason scowled as he took in the dark circles under her eyes. He took her wrist in his hand—and was startled to find that it seemed thinner than it had the last time he’d seen her. “I’m sorry. I know Sonny didn’t…really tell you anything.”

“Um.” Elizabeth shoved her hair out of her face and looked away. “No.” Her voice trembled. “I thought…you were hurt. But I just—he didn’t tell me for sure.”

“I didn’t know,” he said. “I wouldn’t have done that to you, Elizabeth. You know that, don’t you? I—I don’t really remember what happened, but I know I asked for you.”

“Yeah, Johnny said something about that.

“Johnny?” Jason said with some irritation. “Sonny didn’t talk to you last week?” Damn it.

“No. I guess he was busy with other things,” she said bitterly. She drew her hand back. “Should you be sitting up? Johnny said you ripped your stitches.”

She hurried out of the bed, and around to his side to check on him and the bandages. Her fingers slid over the white gauze. “Sonny said it was…that it was close.”

“I guess. I don’t know. They kept me sedated for a while.” Jason caught her hand as she tried to push him back into a prone position. “Hey. Talk to me. I know this was hard—”

“It’s—” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “It was. But it’s over. And you’re okay. And I can see you’re okay. That helps.” She sucked in a deep breath. “I’m okay.”

“You’re not,” he said with a shake of his head. “C’mon—”

“I’m better than I was this morning,” she replied. “I slept, too. For a few hours. The longest since…Bobbie wanted Tony to give me something to sleep, but I refused. Because I hate the way it makes me feel, so I haven’t—” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I’ll be okay, Jason. Now that I know you’re—okay.”

She stumbled over the last word, and he narrowed his eyes, because there was something in the jerky movements of her hands—the way she wouldn’t quite look at him—something else was going on.

But she looked exhausted, and Jason didn’t want her to worry about him. So, he laid back on the bed and scooted over so that there was space on his right side. “Come here.”

Elizabeth stretched out next to him and gingerly laid her cheek against his shoulder as his arm came around to cradle her. “I love you,” she murmured.

“I love you, too.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “Let’s just…lay here.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” she said, her voice still wobbling. “I missed you.” Her shoulders jerked, and he heard the sob that slid past her lips. “I’m sorry—” Elizabeth started to pull back, but he tightened his hold and held her while she cried quietly.

Elm Street

It was early morning when the limo pulled up in front of Bobbie’s building. Elizabeth had not spoken a word to Sonny since leaving Jason that morning and getting into the car. She had refused an offer of coffee and breakfast, climbed into the car, and the thirty-minute drive had been nothing but stony silence.

“Elizabeth, I can’t let you go like this.” Sonny stopped her from exiting the limo, placing a hand over hers as she reached for the handle. “Please.”

“You know what hurts even more than knowing you didn’t trust me to do right by Jason?” Elizabeth said softly, staring straight ahead. “It’s that…I thought you understood. I didn’t want to be Robin—”

“You’re not—”

“You asked me to lie to Jason. And I did. And now I am going back to my life to live a lie that I know hurts the people I care about.” Elizabeth arched her brow. “Robin walked around for a year pretending Jason had cheated on her, that Michael wasn’t AJ’s son. And she did it because Jason had promised Carly. She lied to the Quartermaines. She was humiliated. And it broke her.”

“Elizabeth—”

“Emily is my best friend. Bobbie is like a mother to me. They are grieving beyond words, Sonny, and I can’t take that away. And when they do find out the truth, what happens to me? Do you think for one second they’re going to think I didn’t know?”

Sonny closed his eyes. “It’s just—it got so complicated—”

“You made me Robin. Even if I had been told the truth, you did the one thing I begged Jason not to do weeks ago.” Tears burned her eyes as she looked out the tinted window. Up at the safety of her apartment. “And you…put me through hell. You let me think he was dead, Sonny. A week after I poured my heart out to you about all of this…you did this to me.  I didn’t want to be broken again, Sonny. And you shattered me.”

She folded her arms tightly across her chest, trying to chase the chill that had set into her bones. “You broke apart my world, and you think bringing me to see him yesterday glued the pieces back together.”

“I—I thought it would help—”

“Every time I put myself back together, I feel a little more damaged,” she murmured. “And you knew that. I told you that.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

Elizabeth & Gia’s Apartment: Living Room

Gia was already awake, sipping a cup of coffee when Elizabeth walked through the door that morning. Her best friend blinked at her, straightening. “Hey. I got your message about not coming home—”

“He’s alive.”

She didn’t even know she was going to say it until the words spilled out of her lips. She had to lie to Jason. She had to lie to everyone in her life who loved her.

But she just wanted one person that she could be herself with.

Gia slowly set the coffee cup down and just stared at her. “Jason is alive,” she repeated. She got to her feet. “Are…are you sure you just didn’t—” She shook her head. “Stupid question. Of course you’re sure.”

Elizabeth nodded. And she swayed, falling to her knees. Sucking in deep breaths. Struggling to keep herself from blacking out.

Had it just been hitting her? Had it just been sinking in? Jason was alive.

It was a lie.

Gia came to her side, helped her to sit on the sofa. “Hey, hey—”

“I didn’t know. I didn’t know, I swear to God, I didn’t know—”

“Of course you didn’t know,” Gia said sharply. “Elizabeth—”

“Sonny—he lied to me. He lied to Jason. He doesn’t know either.”

“What does that mean?”

“Jason doesn’t know Sonny faked his death.” Elizabeth pressed her hands to her eyes. “And Sonny—I had to lie to Jason.  Oh, God, I lied to him. I didn’t tell him. He made me a liar again.” Her voice broke. “I don’t want to be a liar anymore.”

+6

Oh yeah everything’s all wrong yeah
Everything’s all wrong yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don’t feel
And all these thoughts from the inside out
Now my head’s been filled with doubt
– Sympathy, Goo Goo Dolls

 Friday, September 20, 2002

 Quartermaine Mansion: Foyer

Courtney closed her cell phone and stared at it for a long moment. She hated this. She hated every minute of this.

Michael had cried until he’d decided that Jason would come back like his mommy—and how much longer until he could talk to his mother? AJ had tried to keep it together. Had wanted to check in on his family, so they’d packed Michael up and come to the mansion.

But AJ wasn’t letting it out. Wasn’t talking to her. Wasn’t talking to anyone really. Just sitting with his grandmother in the garden today, sharing old stories of Jason. Alan and Monica had gone to work, trying to be normal.

Trying to forget.

And Courtney wasn’t really sure what she was supposed to be doing here.

“Courtney?”

She turned to find Ned stepping out of the foyer. “Oh. Hey. What’s—what’s up?” She tucked her phone in her back pocket. “Do you guys need anything? I can—”

“We’re okay.” He closed the door behind him. “I left AJ and Grandmother out there, so I can check on Grandfather, but I overheard you on the phone with Gia. I didn’t want to intrude.”

“Oh. No, it’s okay.” Courtney bit her lip. “Gia’s just worried. Elizabeth has been a lot like Alan and Monica since Jason went missing. She was trying to keep breathing, to stop herself from thinking the worst, but now the worst has happened—” She stopped. “I’m rambling.”

“You’re worried about AJ. And I imagine you’re pretty worried about Elizabeth.” Ned folded his arms. “It hasn’t hit him yet, you know? This summer—I think he came as close as he ever probably would to having his brother back and that’s…” Ned looked away. “It’s gone. I have a little brother, too. He’s much younger than me, but I love him. I can’t imagine—” He shook his head.

“I figure it’s gotta be harder for you guys,” Courtney said after a moment. “I mean, it’s not even the first time you’ve lost Jason.”

Ned nodded. “Yeah, I think that’s—that’s what makes this so awful. We lost Jason Quartermaine, and God, I don’t think we ever let Jason Morgan forget it. He ran away from this family because of it. And a lot of other reasons, but that was part of it. You know…” He rubbed his chest absently. “We told ourselves it was a matter of time. He made his choices, this was how it was supposed to be—we all expected him to die violently—” His voice failed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Courtney folded her arms tightly under her breath. “I didn’t—I only know Jason through AJ and Elizabeth, so I’m sad. But it’s for you guys. And for her. Because he seemed like a nice guy. And even if he had a dangerous lifestyle, it doesn’t make it easier for the people who loved him.”

“No.” Ned exhaled slowly. “No, it doesn’t. Have you spoken to Elizabeth? Grandmother asked about her—”

“She’s…managing,” Courtney said. “Gia’s with her. I just…I don’t know how she’s going to do this. He just…he just asked her to move in with him. She was so happy—” Her voice broke. “Sorry. It’s not even—this just sucks.”

“Yeah, yeah it does.” Ned touched her shoulder lightly. “For what it’s worth, it gives my grandmother comfort knowing he was happy at the end. Elizabeth was good for him, and I’m just sorry they didn’t get to see where it would go. You let me know if she needs anything, all right?”

“Yeah, thanks Ned.”

“And don’t worry about Junior. He’s done a lot of work in the last year or so. He’s battled his demons—I’m not saying he’s won completely, but he’s…. settled. You gave him that, Courtney—”

She shook her head. “He likes to say that, too, but I’m not some kind of miracle. I’m just a girl who rushed into marriage with a man she barely knew on a hope and prayer. We both got lucky it’s working. But Jason told him—he told him at the chip ceremony that AJ did the work. He’s the one that didn’t take a drink.” Her lip trembled. “It meant the world to him that Jason was there, but to say that—God, I don’t think Jason ever knew what he did for AJ that night.”

Ned dipped his head and took another deep breath. “They were so close once. I like to think they could have been again.” He cleared his throat. “I should check on Grandfather.”

Sunday, September 22, 2002

Quartermaine Mansion: Foyer

Elizabeth smiled briefly at Alice, the maid, who directed her to the garden where Lila, Courtney, and Emily were having tea.

And then she couldn’t quite bring herself to cross through the family room out onto the terrace and into the garden.

Because until now, she had been able to stay in a bubble, inside her own world at the Brownstone with Bobbie and Gia.

But she wasn’t the only person who had lost Jason, and she would have to share her pain with others. She had to, because hiding her grief and running from it three years ago had been the wrong choice.

“Elizabeth?”

She turned to find AJ emerging from the dining room. “Oh. Hey.”

“Hey.” He approached her, his hands in his pockets. “I won’t ask how you’re doing. It’s a stupid question, and—I can see it.”

“Yeah?” Elizabeth asked with a sigh. “Am I that transparent?”

“You’re thinking about how to keep it together for Grandmother and my sister. So that Courtney doesn’t have to worry about you, too. Or am I just…projecting?” He shrugged. “Because what’s what I’ve been doing since the second—” AJ looked down. “Anyway. I wanted to call, but Courtney said you were mostly…keeping to yourself.”

“Yeah, for the last two days.” Elizabeth crossed her arms, closed her eyes. “I fell asleep for the first time last night. Bobbie wanted to have Tony give me a prescription for something, but I didn’t want to close my eyes. I didn’t want to wake up in a world and know—I could lie to myself when he was just missing. But I can’t now.”

Her eyes burned as the first tear slid down her cheek. “He’s not here, and I just—I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. How to breathe. I guess it doesn’t matter, because I keep doing it. But it’s like every breath I take is…. a shock. How can I breathe without him?”

Elizabeth wiped her tears as AJ said nothing. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—I’m okay. I mean, I’m not. I’m…managing—”

“There were a couple of moments there that I thought…” AJ said slowly, “this summer…I mean…I thought if Jason and I had enough time…maybe we could be brothers again. It was a stupid dream, and I know he’d never claim me that way. But I thought it. And I just—it’s never gonna happen now. He’s my little brother and he’s gone, and I can’t seem to wrap my head around it.”

“I know. I’ve been through this. I know what the shock feels like, but somehow—” She shook her head. “It still feels brand-new.” She managed a short laugh. “My grandmother called this morning. She…she called a few days ago, too, but I ignored it. I almost ignored it again this morning, but for some reason, I wanted to hear her voice, and you know what she said? She said…it was hard to believe it right now, but that there would someone else someday. I mean, hadn’t I learned that after Lucky was gone?”

“God.” Elizabeth dug her heels into her eyes. “Like it’s the same. I was a teenager. This—this is different. This—I don’t know how to explain it. She, of all people, ought to know you can’t compare grief.”

She exhaled slowly. “I should get out to the garden before they send a search party.” She hesitated. “I’m sorry, I didn’t even ask about Michael—”

AJ shrugged. “We talked to a counselor yesterday. Right now, Michael is convinced it’s going to be like Carly.” He rubbed his temple with his thumb. “That we’re all just mistaken. It’ll sink in for him. Or it won’t. He’s almost six, but…”

“One day, he won’t even remember Jason,” Elizabeth murmured. Her chest ached, and she just wanted to go home. To curl up in her bed, draw the curtain, and ignore the world.

But that wouldn’t solve anything. Wouldn’t make it better.

“God, I hate knowing that’s true.” AJ cleared his throat, looked away as his eyes glittered. “You need anything, Liz. You just let me know.”

Quartermaine Mansion: Terrace

Emily’s eyes were swollen and rimmed with red, while Lila was clutching a handkerchief in her hand. Courtney was quiet, solemn.

And Elizabeth wanted to be anywhere else.

“Elizabeth.” Her best friend rose to her feet and crossed to the doorway. “Oh, God.”

“Hey.” Elizabeth closed her eyes, struggled to keep back the flood of tears that threatened to swallow her whole. She had to get through this moment. Had to get through this day.

She clung to Emily for just a moment before stepping back. “It’s good to see you but I wish it were for any other reason.”

“Yeah.” Emily swallowed as they sat down on the long iron bench adjacent to Lila’s wheel chair.

“Mrs. Quartermaine,” Elizabeth said as she took one of Lila’s delicate hands in hers. “Hey.”

“Oh, my darling—” Lila’s voice was thin and shaky. “Thank you for coming. I cannot imagine—” She closed her eyes. “I just cannot accept any of this is real.”

Elizabeth dragged the heel of her hand under her eyes, sweeping away her tears. “I know. I keep thinking it’s a nightmare I’m gonna wake up from, but…then I realize it’s not.”

“I talked to him just a few weeks ago—” Emily managed, her voice raw. “He sounded…God, Elizabeth, he was happy. You made him so happy.”

“Thank you,” Lila murmured. “For giving him that. It hurts so very much right now, my darling. But someday, knowing the love you brought to one another, it will bring comfort.”

She closed her eyes. Pressed her hands to the lids. “I want to believe that. I just can’t seem to think past right now. It hurts so much.”

Emily wrapped an arm around her shoulder, and Elizabeth leaned into her. “I can’t even pretend it’s going to be okay,” Emily said softly. “Because I can’t accept that it ever will be. It’s not supposed to be this way.”

It is for me, Elizabeth very nearly said, but she could hear the wallowing in those words, the self-pity, and she bit them back. Emily and Lila didn’t need her devastation. They had their own.

But she was never going to be allowed to be happy for more than a moment in time, and it was time Elizabeth learned to accept that. If she could just stop…dreaming she deserved more, maybe the fall wouldn’t hurt so damn much.

Monday, September 23, 2002

Kelly’s: Diner

Bobbie touched Gia’s shoulder. “You mind if I take this seat?” she asked indicating the chair across from her. “I wanted to grab a quick lunch between shifts at the hospital.”

“Oh, yeah.” Gia pushed her notebook aside. “I have a class in an hour, so…” She shrugged. “Not that I can seem to concentrate. I mean, it’s stupid. I didn’t lose anyone. Jason didn’t even like me all that much.”

“You’re an acquired taste,” Bobbie said with a small. She gave her order to Penny and sighed. “I can’t tell if Elizabeth is managing or pretending to manage. She’s always been good at putting up a front.”

“She keeps it together for a while, and then something breaks her down. It’s only been three days, so I think she’s still kind of in shock.” Gia picked up her iced tea and sipped it. “I feel like this is my fault. I pushed her at him.”

“Gia—”

“She wanted to lie to herself, to pretend she wasn’t interested, and I forced her to admit that she was. I told myself I was just living up to our promise, you know? No more lies, not to each other and really not to ourselves. I told her I didn’t care if she pursued him, but she shouldn’t lie to herself.”

“And what? You think it made it worse because she—she lost him—” Bobbie caught her breath. Pressed a fist to her chest. “I’m sorry. It’s still…it’s catching me. I didn’t—I loved him like one of my own, and I just—I keep expecting him to walk through the doors. To come to the Brownstone.”

“I tried to tell her at least she had this time, but how much more did it suck that she got a taste of what it could be like?” Gia’s eyes burned. “I hate this. I hate this caring about people bullshit. I should have just seduced him or something. She’d hate me for that, and then I wouldn’t care, and I wouldn’t feel like shit—”

“That wouldn’t have solved anything.”

“No, but—” Gia sighed. “I don’t know. I just—I don’t think I pushed her like everyone did with Lucky last year. I don’t feel like that. I just didn’t want her to…lie to herself. And then when she admitted it, yeah, I kept encouraging it, I guess. You know, maybe I was jealous. I wanted someone like that, you know?”

“Someone like what?”

“Someone whose entire existence is made better because you’re there. You know how he looked at her, how he talked to her, about her. The way he was around her.” Gia sighed, pushed her French fries around her plate. “She had this chance at that kind of love, and I didn’t think she should throw it away. Nikolas, even when it was good, he never looked at me like that. Like the world disappeared when we were together. I wanted that in my life, so I pushed her towards it, and I just…I feel like what she’s going through is my fault.”

“It’s tempting to think…it would have hurt less if they hadn’t been dating,” Bobbie said slowly. “But I wonder if it would have given her more anguish…to know she had lost that chance forever. I think…I think we regret the roads we don’t take more than the ones we do.”

“I guess.”

“You’re hurting for your friend, Gia. That’s not a bad thing. She was happy, and now she’s not. And…maybe one day…this summer will be a comforting memory.” Bobbie pressed her lips together for a moment. “She had him for a brief moment, but it was a shining moment. And… before Jason died—” She couldn’t finish. Had to start again. “At the end, she brought him love and joy.”

“I wish I could believe that,” Gia said slowly. “But all I can think of is that…she had that before. With Lucky. Why the hell would the universe do this to her again?”

“Well…that I can’t answer.” Bobbie sighed. “I don’t know why the universe does anything. When I lost my BJ, my darling, sweet, amazing BJ—I still had Lucas. But it wasn’t the same. Having another child didn’t fill the hole, didn’t mend the pain. The universe gave me another daughter.”

“Yeah, the universe was feeling pretty salty that day,” Gia muttered. “Sorry—”

“I love my daughter because I gave birth to her,” Bobbie said slowly.  “I forgave her for what she had done to my marriage because I recognized that same self-destructive streak in her that I have fought against my entire life. I could understand the way her mind worked. The way she just reacted—the damage she could do. I could live with all of that because I knew she had inherited it from me—”

“And you’ve been blaming yourself for Carly ever since,” Gia said bluntly. “I get Carly. I used to be Carly. I used to hate the world—” She stopped. “My brother left home when I was still a kid. I’m a lot younger than him—I think you know that. When he left, things didn’t stay okay. My mom was always looking for another guy to fill the space that Marcus’s father, that my father had left her—”

“Gia—”

“It doesn’t matter.” Gia shook her head. “I learned to look out for myself. To always put myself first, because I was damn sure the only one who could. I thought what I wanted meant more than anyone else. Carly’s like that, Bobbie. Except she managed to hook up with a bunch of people who just excuse that kind of selfishness as a character flaw. As something to overlook. I hated Elizabeth. You know that. I did awful things to her. Said them to her face. Behind her back.”

Bobbie’s eyes softened. “Gia, she doesn’t—”

“Because I didn’t see her, you know? I just saw the way everyone else reacted to her. They treated her like this precious porcelain that belonged to Lucky Spencer, and Laura was bending over backwards to give her the modeling contract that I damn well deserved—I knew about Tom Baker. And I used it against her.”

Bobbie exhaled slowly. Sat back and just looked at her. “That’s pretty cold.”

“Yep. And I didn’t have a problem with that. She wasn’t right for the job. I was. Take what you want, that was my motto. And then I overheard Nikolas and Lucky talking about her the day of the wedding. Talking about how Lucky didn’t love her anymore, but he owed her this. And I just got pissed off. Because everyone had lied to me, and I was supposed to swallow it to go along with it. But now they were lying again. So, I went to her because I wanted to throw it in her face.”

She paused, took a sip of water. “I wanted to show her I was a better person. That I wouldn’t keep her in the fucking dark like she did to me. And so, I told her with hatred in my heart that her precious Lucky didn’t even love her. That he only pitied her. Like she was a dog.”

“What happened then?” Bobbie asked quietly.

“She looked at me, with tears in her eyes, and she thanked me. She said she’d been having her doubts, but that she thought she owed this to Lucky. But now…now I had set her free. She didn’t have to sacrifice her life anymore. I was going to shove her face in it, but she looked at me like I was doing her a favor. Like I was some kind of sign from the universe.”

“And three days later, you asked to rent the apartment from me. To live together.” Bobbie tipped her head. “What changed?”

“I stopped looking at her as the enemy, and she stopped seeing me as the bitch who blackmailed her best friend. Because being with Nikolas had only made me more selfish, and I was starting to hate myself. When I realized that I had gone into that room to destroy Elizabeth’s life just because I didn’t like her—I knew I was taking it too far. I didn’t want to be that girl anymore. She didn’t want to be who she was either. So, we figured, fuck it, let’s try and save each other.”

“It’s not your fault, Gia, that Elizabeth is hurting right now.”

“And it’s not your fault, Bobbie, that Carly is who she is. You gave her love, compassion. Understanding. A place to raise her son. What else were you supposed to do to keep this from happening?”

Bobbie closed her eyes. “I can’t look at her. I haven’t seen her much since Jason went missing. She’s avoiding me, and that means she’s involved. Somehow, someway. And she knows I’m at the end of my rope.”  She sighed. “But you’re right. This isn’t my fault either. I have to let her fall. Let her hit rock bottom. She needs to have that moment, Gia, where she doesn’t like that person she sees in the mirror. And right now, she’s still the victim. It’s still someone else’s fault. Someone else’s responsibility to fix.”

“Until that stops, there’s nothing you can do.”

Wednesday, September 25, 2002

Elm Street Pier

Elizabeth stepped off the last stair and turned to the left. There it was. The bench where she and Jason had sat so often in those early days. Where she had poured her heart out.

Where he had left her only months later.

Where they had been reunited.

Where she had betrayed him for the first time when she had thought he had attacked Lucky.

She sat down and looked out over the harbor, out at Spoon Island. She hadn’t thought about Nikolas Cassadine in months. He still lived out there. Still lived in Port Charles. But he was removed from her life, and she grieved for that. They had been through hell together once, and she’d thought that meant she was important.

That she deserved honesty. And respect.

She knew Gia was back at the apartment, her classes completed for the day. She knew she had to really go home. To try and do some of the studying she’d been ignoring. Pretending to do. If she was going to use her degree to distract her, it was probably time…to actually use it as a distraction.

But she just couldn’t.

If she tried to bury her grief, it would drown her. She knew that. She had to get through it. She had to live it, but…

Jason was dead. He was dead. They were having a memorial tomorrow, burying him on Friday. Three weeks after she’d last seen him, he would be in the ground.

Jason was dead.

And she still couldn’t wrap her mind around that.

Dead.

It was the first time, even in her own mind, that she had acknowledged it. Jason was dead. Shot to death in some filthy warehouse. Left to rot in the harbor. His funeral would require a closed casket—

A sob bubbled out of her throat and she fought it back. She was tired of losing it. Tired of the tears. They didn’t change anything.

There were some footsteps just around the corner, where the pier met Bannister’s Wharf. And then she saw the figure that bled out of the early evening shadows.

Zander Smith walked towards her, hands in the pockets of a light jacket, his dark hair cut short.  She hadn’t seen him since the bar fight, since Jason had told her he’d been fired and gone to Miami.

He stopped in front her. “Hey. I—I didn’t expect to run into you here.”

She frowned. Narrowed her eyes. “I thought you left Port Charles.”

“I did.” Zander swallowed hard. “I had to. It was…” He looked away, shaking his head. “I kept looking around, seeing Emily, and hating it. I wasn’t good enough for her, but I wanted to be. And every day I was here, I was reminded of that.”

Elizabeth slowly got to her feet. “Why do you think I’d care—”

“Because I was an asshole to you, and Morgan—” He closed his mouth. “I got what I deserved, but I—my boss set me up in Miami. And so, I heard about him. And I knew…I just…I knew Emily would be home—”

“You thought you’d come back, try to slide into her good graces?” Elizabeth demanded.

“Listen—”

“You are nothing,” she hissed. “Nothing. You’re not half the man Jason is—was—” Her voice broke. “I wish it were you. I don’t understand why it’s not. How can you be alive and someone like Jason—”

Zander just stared at her. “I know you’re upset, but c’mon, I only—I only bothered you for a like a minute. Why—”

“Because he’s dead. And you’re here. Trying to use it like he was just—an obstacle.” She strode towards him and shoved him. Hard. He fell back a few steps. “You think you can worm your way back into Emily’s life—what, is Sonny next? Do you think that Jason is gone, and you can just step right back in? Back to your goddamn corner office and promotion?”

“What the hell—”

“He’s dead—” Elizabeth whirled away, dragged her hands through hair, trying to draw back some of the anger. “And you’re like a fucking scavenger. A vulture here to pick at the pieces before his body is even cold.” She faced him again. “What is wrong with you?” she cried.

“Look, I never—” Zander shook his head. “I don’t want to make this worse for you. I’m sorry. I didn’t—” He looked away. “I’ll send Emily a letter or something. I was gonna go tomorrow, but I don’t—it’s not worth it. I’m sorry, Elizabeth.

“You’re only sorry he ever came home and screwed up your cozy life,” she snarled. “Go to hell.”

“You know what?” Zander shot back, his face flushing. “I had it right the first time—you’re a fucking bitch—”

“Back off!” The unexpected growl came from the top of the stairs, and Elizabeth saw just a blur as Lucky Spencer took the steps two at a time and shoved himself between the two of them. “What the hell is wrong with you, you piece of shit?”

“Oh, of course.” Zander sneered. “Here you are. Think you’re going to lap up Jason’s leavings? She’ll just jump back to you like she jumped to Jason—”

Lucky took Zander by the collar, his knuckles white. “Walk away. You stay away from that memorial tomorrow. You stay away from Emily, from Elizabeth. From all of us.”

“Go to hell,” the other man growled, but he jerked away from Lucky and stalked in the opposite direction, the way he came.

Lucky turned back to Elizabeth, dragging his hand through his hair. “Hey. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”

“What are you—” Elizabeth cleared her throat, trying to process his presence. “I thought you were in New York.”

“Emily called when Jason went missing…and then she told me—” Lucky swallowed. “It’s not what Zander said, I’m not trying—I just…”

He waited a moment, trying to gather his thoughts. “Emily told me what happened, and all I could think was that I had to make sure you were—I don’t know. That you weren’t alone. We were friends for so long, Elizabeth. You held me together when my entire family fell apart. Every time my world fell apart, you were there. Even when it hurt you.”

“Lucky—”

“So, I just…I don’t know. I wanted to be here for Emily, too, but I just—I wanted to try to see if I could be a friend to you again.” Lucky hesitated. “So here I am.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth folded her arms tightly. She looked back out over the lake as the sun set behind them, casting the Gothic mansion into shadows. “We’re burying him in two days, Lucky. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this again,” she admitted.

He put his arm around her shoulders, and for just a minute, she could remember what it had been like once to lean on him. To trust that he would be there for her.

“The thing about you, Elizabeth Imogene Webber,” he said, and smiled when she grimaced at the sound of her hated middle name, “is that you never give yourself enough credit. But let me say that it’s bullshit that you even have to do this again.”

She sighed and let him walk her towards the steps and away from the bench.

+4

In this room
I can barely breathe
This air that speaks your name
It flows through me
From each corner
From the window frame
Where we used to watch together
For the sun to rise again
– In This Room, Leslie Tucker

Friday, September 20, 2002

Elizabeth & Gia’s Apartment: Living Room

Elizabeth knew even before Gia opened the door. No one knocked on a door at four in the morning without it being bad news.

Gia had fallen asleep on the sofa the night before as they had watched some mindless television, trying to keep their minds off everything happening around them.

Trying to forget that it had now been two weeks without a word from Jason.

Elizabeth had drifted into a light sleep while half-listening to the late night television, and the infomercials had given away to the early morning news broadcast that would run from four to seven before national affiliates took over.

The knocked was quiet. Hesitant. But it echoed in the room like a shot gun blast.

Elizabeth jerked awake and was still trying to figure out what was happening as Gia rose and went to answer the door.

Her brother stood there, looking as if he hadn’t had any more sleep than Elizabeth in the last few weeks. The hallway was dim—only a small sconce lit Taggert from behind.

Gia sighed and drew back the door. “Marcus.”

“Hey.”

Elizabeth got to her feet. Switched on the lamp next to the sofa. She knew what he would say even before he said it.

“Last night,” Taggert began hesitantly, “a body was pulled from the harbor.”

Oh. Oh, God. The sob spilled out of her lips before she could even process it. She knew what he was going to say. Her body knew, her heart knew, but her brain still needed the words.

“Are they sure—” Gia began, but Taggert shook his head.

“Preliminary testing has tentatively identified him.” He cleared his throat, looked at Elizabeth. “He’d been shot twice in the chest—”

“Marcus,” Gia hissed.

“There’s no way to tell how long he was in the water,” Taggert said. “But…it looks like it’s been a while.”

“Two weeks?” she managed, the tears spilling down her cheeks. “Are you sure it’s him—”

“It was hard to say from the state of the body, but like I said, some early blood tests. Ah…it’s tentative, but the PCPD feels confident enough—” Taggert shook his head. “The body was pretty decomposed—”

“Oh, God.” She pressed her hands to the mouth. She couldn’t breathe. She couldn’t force the air into lungs. Oh, God. She didn’t even know how convinced she’d been that he was okay until this minute. “Oh, God.”

Gia crossed to her, put an arm around her shoulder. “Let’s sit down, honey. C’mon—”

Elizabeth allowed herself to be guided back to the sofa, the back of her knees hitting the cushion as she sat down. She forced herself to think. “You said last night. When?”

“Around midnight.” Taggert knelt in front of her. “I know you’re not his technical next of kin, but—I asked to notify you myself. Mac is waiting a few more hours to tell the Quartermaines. I just—I knew you weren’t sleeping well. I knew you were terrified, and I know this doesn’t make it better—”

“It makes it over,” Elizabeth said dully. She closed her eyes. “I can’t—this isn’t real. It’s not. It can’t be. Can I see him? Maybe I could tell you if it was wrong—”

“If you insisted on seeing him, I would do it,” Taggert said after a moment, but he shook his head. “Please don’t ask me. I did not like Jason Morgan, but you loved him. And I know he loved you. He would not want that to be your memory of him. Please.”

His beautiful face. His eyes. His mouth. His smile. His voice. Oh, God, she would never see him again. Never hold him. Oh, God.

“I’m so sorry, Elizabeth.” He hesitated. “There are questions I need to ask you, but they can wait, okay?”

“No.” She shook her head. “No. There’s nothing I can tell you anyway. I told you that night what I knew.” Elizabeth paused.  “I—you said the phone records came back. That he left me a voicemail. Can I have my phone?”

He waited a moment. “Yeah. We’re releasing the room today. We didn’t have…any cause to take your phone, so it’s still sitting there. If there’s anything on the message you think I should know—”

“I’ll tell you.”

Taggert got to his feet and she heard his footsteps mingle with his sisters as Gia let him out and locked the door behind him.

“Am I awake?” she murmured. “Is this really happening?”

“Elizabeth—”

She took a deep breath. “I need to take a shower. I need to be ready. Because Bobbie is going to be up here as soon as she hears, and I know Courtney and AJ—and God, Emily and the Quartermaines It’s all going to happen so fast, but I want—”

“You don’t have to anything you don’t want to do,” Gia said with some irritation. “You want to sit here and stare at the wall—”

Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut so tightly that it hurt. “I’m scared if I go lay down, if I don’t start doing something, I’ll never be able to get back up again. So, I have to get up. I have to go.” She exhaled slowly. “There’s a lot that has to be done, and I really…I want my phone.”

“Okay.”

“I need to know what he said to me. And then…then I need to know why Sonny lied.” She wrapped her arms around her torso, took a deep breath. “Because he knew something last week when I went to see him. And I let him lie to me. How long did he know Jason wasn’t just hurt—”

“Maybe he really didn’t know—”

“He knew something,” Elizabeth repeated. “He lied to me. And I deserve to know why.”

Safe House: Bedroom

When Jason had regained consciousness—when he stayed awake long enough to have coherent thought—he knew immediately something was wrong.

He was not allowed to move, and Johnny and the doctor refused to bring him newspapers. Refused to tell him anything that was happening. Wouldn’t even allow him to know what day it was.

Which meant it had been more than a handful of days since the warehouse shooting.

And Elizabeth wasn’t here.

That fact told Jason all he needed to know. He’d been kept drugged so Sonny didn’t have to bring Elizabeth to see him. So that Sonny didn’t have to tell her he was hurt.

Johnny had kept putting him off, telling him that Sonny would answer his questions when he got there, but Jason was starting to feel strong enough to start moving around, even if the doctor had advised against it.

Sonny knew better. Sonny should have known better. Jason hated being confined. Hated pain medication that knocked him out, left him groggy and disoriented. Hated being lied to.

But Jason also knew that he was too weak to move on his own—that the safe house where he’d been taken was located away from Port Charles. There wasn’t likely to be any transportation for him to get out of here and find anything out—and if he walked on his own, he might reopen his stitches and bleed out before he reached civilization.

So, he waited. He waited on Sunday. Monday. Tuesday.

And when Wednesday slipped into Thursday, Jason told Johnny that if Sonny didn’t show up by the end of the next day, he’d take his chances on the walk, and Johnny relayed the message. And apparently, Sonny had believed him.

“I know you’re angry,” Sonny said when he entered the bedroom on Friday afternoon. “Let me explain—”

“What day is it?” Jason said, flatly. “What date? How many days did you drug me?”

Sonny exhaled slowly. “It’s September 20. Friday. You were kept sedated until last week—”

“Did you tell Elizabeth I was shot?”

When Sonny hesitated, Jason shook his head and pushed himself out of the bed, into a standing position. He held out his hand. “Give me my phone. Now.”

“By the time I could have told her,” Sonny said, backing up from his enraged partner, “Taggert was already talking to her. He already knew you’d walked out on plans—he’d told her about the warehouse—I couldn’t bring her here—”

“Did you tell her I was okay?” Jason demanded. He knew Sonny. He knew the way the man could and would talk circles around someone, make them think their questions had been answered.

“She figured you were lying low and couldn’t contact her,” Sonny said. “She’s pissed at me because I didn’t confirm it.”

“Why the hell—”

“You told her that you were supposed to be out. What the hell were you thinking?” Sonny cut in. “She came at me, both barrels, telling me she knew this was about Carly because you were supposed to be out. Why the fuck are you talking about business with your girlfriend?”

Jason scowled. “Don’t change the goddamn subject, Sonny. It was after the warehouse. I was with her when it happened. So, yeah, I told her I wasn’t going. She’s not an idiot—and—” He bit off. “She’s not just my girlfriend, Sonny. She’s not just someone I picked up in a bar. Don’t talk about her that way—”

“Then don’t be stupid. She’s been talking to Taggert, Jason. Cooperating with the cops—”

“Because the cops are the only ones telling her—” Jason sliced his hand through the air. “I’m not debating this with you. Give me my phone.”

“No,” Sonny shook his head. “No one’s made any moves. You call her, you go back on the grid, then this is for nothing!”

“I don’t give a shit. Give me my phone, Sonny. You don’t own me, and I’m not letting Elizabeth worry about me. I want to talk to her. I get that she can’t come to see me, but you’ve already lied to her—”

“I didn’t lie to her,” Sonny said with a grimace. “I just told her I hadn’t heard from you since Friday. Or seen you. And that was true.”

“You lied to her, Sonny. You knew I was okay. That I was just hurt, and you didn’t tell her—”

“Because she’s not an idiot,” Sonny said, throwing the words back at him. “She knows what’s going on. Calling her now is only going to bring attention to all of this. They’ll make their move in another day or two.”

“What if they don’t?” Jason demanded. “What if we’re still waiting?”

Sonny hesitated. “Give me a week, Jase. I’ve got some things in motion. I’ve sent up some smoke signals that we’re weak. That we’re vulnerable. That’s what I’m asking—”

“Fine. But when you leave here, you go tell her that I’m okay. Promise me, Sonny,” Jason said, roughly. “You know what she’s been through. You were here when I wasn’t. Don’t make her worry anymore.”

“I promise,” Sonny said after a moment. “I’ll see her today. I’ll make sure she knows what’s going on. I don’t like this. I hate keeping her in the dark, Jason. Because I damn well know how hard she’s worked this last year to get away from this kind of crap. But this is the business. This is what we chose. So maybe you need to know whether she can really choose it—”

“Sonny, if you lie to Elizabeth one more time about what’s going on, you and I are done,” Jason said quietly. “I love her. I asked her to move in with me. She’s the one I want a future with. And every minute she’s worrying about whether I’m dead or alive, you’re chipping away at that.”

“Jase—”

“You never would have put Brenda or Carly through this. You lied to them. You misled them. You destroyed Brenda when you walked away from her without a word. But you never made them wait for weeks to know if you were alive. You wouldn’t do this to them. Elizabeth deserves at least that much respect.”

Sonny dipped his head. Nodded. “All right. I’ll take care of it today. You may not like the way I’ve handled this situation, Jason, but I handled it the best way I knew how. I did it to keep everyone safe. Just remember that.”

Jake: Jason’s Room

If the PCPD had done an extensive search, Elizabeth could find no evidence of it when she flipped the light switch later that morning.

In fact, the room looked just as she had left two weeks earlier: her textbooks still taking over the table, her cosmetics strewn across the dresser.

Her phone neatly plugged in on the nightstand.

Next to her, Gia waited a moment. “Do you want me to get it?” she asked softly. “You could—you could just—”

“No.”

Elizabeth walked over the threshold and sat at the table, staring at the chair across from her. Where Jason usually sat. Where they had shared a lot of bad coffee and greasy take-out. In this room in the last four months, where they had laughed. Made love. Teased one another. Argued. Made up.

“The first time he nearly kissed me was in this room. It looked different then.” Elizabeth looked at her roommate. “I came to him after the Face of Deception photo shoot.”

“I remember,” Gia said with a pained smile. “You…you left the studio.”

“I came here. It was selfish to come here. I’d already told Jason we couldn’t…that we had to stop…but I just…I knew he’d get it. Or even if he didn’t…. he’d let me fall apart. He wouldn’t look at me like I was crushing his dreams.”

She closed her eyes. “There used to be these really ugly orange chairs. I sat here. And I tried to explain it to him. Why being a model made me feel like I was dying inside. I wanted to take off my makeup—and he…he washed my face. Because I didn’t look like me.”

Her eyes burned as she continued. “I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and he was holding my chin in one hand—and I wanted to kiss him. I knew he wanted to kiss me. But I was so scared of what it would mean—I couldn’t. I couldn’t take that step. I couldn’t lie to myself once I kissed him. God what the hell was I so afraid of?”

Elizabeth stood and crossed to the dresser, picked up a tube of lipstick. “He hated clutter, you know? I told you that, right?”

“Yeah.” Gia looked around the room. “I can tell.”

“But he just gave me the top of the dresser. He didn’t use it, he told me. So even though it drove him crazy…I just left things all over.” She picked up a ring she’d removed the last night she’d been here. “But he keeps—kept…he kept…” she corrected softly as she looked at the small shelf next to the dresser. “Some travel books.”

“Yeah. You told me he used to read to Michael.”

“Michael still loves to read about the places all over the world. Africa is his favorite. The animals, mostly.” Elizabeth set the ring down and then slid her fingers over the four or five books stacked on the shelf. “He wanted to take me to Italy.”

She closed her eyes. “He wanted to show me the light in Italy. And I turned him down. Everything in me screamed yes, but I was terrified.”

“Why?” Gia asked softly. “Why did it scare you so much, Elizabeth?”

She turned to her best friend but saw no judgment in her dark eyes. “Staying with Lucky was safe,” she murmured. “Or I thought it was. And there’s a comfort in that. Lucky would never leave me. I had to leave him.” Except hadn’t he left first? Why hadn’t she seen that?

“And you thought Jason would?”

“Maybe. I don’t—” Elizabeth licked her lips. “I don’t know if I thought…I mean, you know what he looks—” She caught her breath. “What he looked like,” she corrected softly. “You knew him, Gia. The girl I was last year? I couldn’t have made him happy. I didn’t even like myself. How was I supposed to love someone else?”

“That…” Gia said with a hesitant smile. “Is the nicest thing you’ve said about yourself back then. You made the right choice not to leave with him last year. I know it hurts. I know it feels like a mistake. Especially now. But you weren’t ready to be in love with someone who would love you back. You were ready this year.”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth released a long shaky breath. “He’s really gone, isn’t he? I can’t quite make myself believe it. I don’t feel it here. Not at all the way.” She pressed a fist to her heart. “But…I guess that doesn’t matter. I felt it with Lucky. There was a hole in me almost immediately. I could accept that he was gone even when I couldn’t. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah, I guess.” Gia shifted. “Elizabeth—”

She crossed the room and picked up her phone. She flipped it open. There were a few scattered calls from Bobbie, from Courtney. And a few from her grandmother, who must have seen the news from Memphis where she lived with Elizabeth’s brother, Steven. And from Jason…

“He called me six times.” Elizabeth opened her voicemails—there were a few unread, but only one from his number.

And pressed play, lifting the phone to her ear.

“I guess you left your phone at Jake’s. I can’t—I won’t be able to come by tonight. Something came up—I’ll explain when I can, okay? I love you, Elizabeth.”

His voice. His words. God. Why hadn’t she grabbed her phone that last morning?

She hurriedly followed the directions to save the message, clutching the cell phone to her heart. Maybe Lucas or one of his tech savvy friends could…find a way Elizabeth could keep this message. So she could just…. listen to him.

“That’s it. That’s the last thing he said to me,” she murmured. “God. I can’t—”

Her throat closed, her knees buckled, and she sat on the edge of the bed. “I can’t breathe, Gia. How can he be gone?”

Gia sat next to her, their shoulders brushing. “I don’t know. I don’t have the words, Elizabeth.”

“I know if I just put one foot in front of the other and keeping doing that—I’ll look up one day, and it’ll be…later. It’ll hurt less. That’s how it happened with Lucky. I put on a mask, I pretended. I was angry in private, but I kept—I graduated from school. I smiled when Emily started to date Juan even though I hated her for being happy. I wanted to burn everything down so that they would be in ashes like Lucky. Like my life.”

She sobbed into her fist, trying to keep her composure. Trying to keep it together. If she lost it, if she really lost it in this place, in this room where she and Jason had shared a life together—it would be real.

God, she didn’t want it to be real.

“But it didn’t work. Going about my life—it never made it stop hurting. Until Jason. And it’s not—he didn’t perform any miracles. He just never made me feel like I had to be okay.” Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. “I could say anything to him, and he would never judge me. He was so kind. So sweet. And I’m sure he’d hate that.”

“It would probably have ruined his reputation,” Gia agreed.

“But it helped to just have someone I could be awful around. Someone I didn’t have to pretend with. And then one day—” Elizabeth swallowed hard. “I was having a bad day. An art professor had roasted a portrait of Lucky I’d done for class, and I felt like I’d failed him. I was telling Jason I wanted Lucky back for just a moment, and I had this—I had this insane idea—I asked him to dance with me to our song—Lucky’s and mine.”

She pulled that memory back into her head, closing her eyes to remember it. “It didn’t work. I knew immediately it wouldn’t. Jason was taller than Lucky. And…more muscular. He wasn’t Lucky…and I liked it. I knew it was a stupid idea. But I liked being in his arms. And then I hated myself for even for a minute…thinking about someone else.”

Elizabeth rose to her feet and crossed to the closet, opening it. She drew out the leather jacket Jason kept for cooler weather. “It wasn’t this jacket. That one got destroyed by the gunshot. Blood. And a bullet hole.”

She ran her fingers over the smooth leather. “He looked good in this jacket, didn’t he?”

“He did.”

Elizabeth brought the jacket to her face, breathed in the smell of Jason. He hadn’t worn the jacket in a few months, but it hung next to other clothes he wore more often. It smelled like him today.

But one day it wouldn’t.

And one day, someone else would rent this room.

And someone else would do his job at the warehouse.

“When I lost Lucky, I never thought I could let myself love anyone again. I didn’t think I had the…ability. Or even the right. You were supposed to fall in forever love once, you know? How many soul mates does a girl get?”

“I don’t know if I believe in soul mates,” Gia said after a long moment. “I think…it’s too easy. And it can be used to justify unhappiness. I think we find people who make us like ourselves better, you know? When Nikolas and I first started…it’s not like I was a great person. I mean, I had issues. But I wanted to do better. And he thought I could. He was what I needed in the moment. And if we had married before all that crap happened last year, I don’t know—we probably would have been happy. Or not. But how much time did you waste with Lucky because you were supposed to be soul mates?”

Elizabeth sighed. “Maybe. It was hard for me back then to ever imagine loving anyone the way I loved Lucky. And you know, I didn’t love Jason that way. You only get one first love. It’s sweet. It’s pure. It feels like a high. A rush of adrenaline. Lucky and I never argued. We didn’t need to.”

She sat back down, cradling the jacket in her arms.

“With Jason, I don’t know. I looked at this man who seemed larger than life. Jason was always honest. With himself. With others, and God, that’s just so rare. And he always seemed to understand me better than I understood myself. We did fight. About Lucky. About Carly. About Michael. But…it never…” Elizabeth traced her fingers over the leather again. “I knew he respected me. He wanted me to be honest with myself. To be whoever I wanted to be. I didn’t have to hide with him.” She closed her eyes. “Before Carly came back, I could see our future. We hadn’t really talked about it, but you know, you didn’t always need words with Jason.”

She sucked in a deep breath as the pain slid through her belly again. “Not like the future Lucky and I planned out before the fire. I didn’t—I didn’t know he was going to ask me to live with him. But I just…I could think about myself in five years, and he’d be there. Ten years. I could see him with me. Because I can’t imagine either of us would change without doing it together.”

“I’m sorry,” Gia said softly. “It’s…weak to say that, but I don’t have anything else. I’m just…I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “Yeah. I don’t think there’s anything else to say.” She rose to her feet, looked around the room again. “This was a good place, you know? A safe place.” She paused. “But I don’t want to come back here. I can’t. Sonny can…I’ll ask Sonny to get his things. I don’t even know where—but I can…I should get my things.”

She started to put the jacket back—and then stopped.

It wouldn’t smell like Jason for very long, but…for now…for now it was something she could keep.

Harborview Towers: Lobby

With Gia hesitantly trailing behind her, Elizabeth approached the desk where a security guard was quietly sitting, his head down. “Excuse me?”

The head snapped up, and Elizabeth was surprised to see the man’s eyes were red, as if he’d been crying. “Miss Webber.” He lunged to his feet. “Ah…” He looked past her, to Gia. “I wasn’t expecting you.”

“I was hoping to see Sonny,” Elizabeth murmured. “I know…I know Gia has to wait down here.”

“Oh.” The guard blinked, took a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah. Let me—” He reached for the phone. “Mr. Corinthos isn’t taking visitors—he—he got the call—but I’m sure he’ll—” He stopped as someone must have picked up on the other line. “Hey, Miss Webber—” He frowned, listening to someone. “Oh. Okay.” He put the phone back on the receiver and looked at Elizabeth. “Mr. Corinthos sends his apologies, but he’s not ready to see anyone.”

“Anyone, or me?” Elizabeth asked bitterly.

“I—” The guard flushed. “I wouldn’t know. He asked that you take a guard with you for a few days. I’m going to call downstairs—”

Elizabeth shook her head. “No. Tell him I refused.”

“Elizabeth—” Gia said quietly. “Maybe—”

“No, obviously any obligation or feeling Sonny felt towards me died the same time—” Her voice broke. “It doesn’t matter. Tell Sonny I get it. He knows I’m here to ask why the hell he lied to me, and he doesn’t want to lie to my face again.”

The guard’s face remained passive, but he swallowed hard. “Okay, maybe that’s true. But…Mr. Morgan…we all know how much you—maybe—for him—”

She closed her eyes. “Fine. Call someone up to take me home.” She turned to Gia. “You have your car, so I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay.” Gia touched her arm. “I’ll see you later.”  She eyed the guard for a long moment before heading for the lobby exit.

Elizabeth waited until the elevator to the parking garage opened, and a man in a dark suit emerged. He was tall, with his head carefully shaved. He introduced himself as Cody, and Elizabeth followed him back to the parking garage.

Once the doors had closed, the guard picked up the phone and called the penthouse again.

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny sighed and hung up the phone. “She took the guard. I had someone on her anyway, but this way, she’ll have someone with her.”

Benny grunted as he read paperwork across the room. “You should have told her—”

“And I will.” Sonny turned. “But there are too many eyes on us. The cops are watching her too closely. They know Elizabeth is angry at me, I’m sure she’s made that clear to Taggert. To Bobbie. She was angry with me before she ever came here last week, Benny—”

“My obligation is not to Elizabeth Webber,” Benny said with some irritation. “Though morally, this bothers me a on a level I am severely uncomfortable with. My obligation is to you and your organization. You are creating problems with Jason that will not be simply solved by his return from the dead.”

“Jason will understand eventually—”

“You are holding Elizabeth responsible for mistakes that she did not make.” Benny got to his feet. “You’re holding her to your standards—”

“Mine are the only ones that matter—”

“Not to Jason, they don’t. He walked away for the better part of two years because of that business with Carly—”

“That wasn’t just me,” Sonny muttered, even as an itch developed between his shoulders. Goddamn it, would he never live that single horrible night down?

“No. But you and I both knew he left because he didn’t know if he could keep doing his job for you. When he finds out that not only did you fake his death and put his family through the grief and devastation but that you did it to Elizabeth—a woman he has made very clear he would have trusted with the truth—you are putting that in jeopardy—”

“Benny, I don’t pay you to lecture me—”

“No, you pay me to advise you on your business arrangements, and this is a bad business decision. Jason forgave you once. For Carly. Because it was both of you. This? This will all come down on you. So, I hope you ask yourself if it’s enough to prove a point.” Benny tipped his head. “You were going to bring her in on this, Sonny. We talked about it. When we started planning a body dump, you were going to tell her the truth. Prepare her. Until you found out she knew too much.”

“She needs plausible deniability,” Sonny muttered. “She’s too close to Taggert. She wouldn’t be able keep it up—”

“If that helps you sleep at night,” Benny said with a kindness Sonny knew the older man didn’t feel. “I have to go file these at the court house. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

His manager left, leaving Sonny alone in his penthouse. He reached for the bottle of bourbon and didn’t even bother with the glass.

Elizabeth & Gia’s Apartment: Living Room

Later that night, in the kitchen, Gia’s hands were shaking slightly as she arranged some food on plate for Elizabeth. Bobbie had brought it home from Kelly’s and had encouraged Gia to make sure Elizabeth ate something. Anything.

When Elizabeth had returned from Sonny’s, walking in only a few minutes after Gia, she had sat down on the sofa, turned on the television and stared at it. Not watching it, not listening, just staring at the screen.

Gia had tried to talk to her a few times, but it was as if an icy wall had descended. As if her roommate had crawled inside herself and refused to come out.

Gia was not a good person. She had never aspired to be a good person, and almost everything she knew about being one came from her brother, her mother, and the figure in the living room.

Their friendship had come out of nowhere—just two people tired of the lies and bullshit surrounding them. Tired of their own poor choices and dissatisfied with the road ahead of them. They had gone back to school, rented this apartment, and promised each other complete and total honesty. No matter what.

And Gia had delivered that. Had pushed Elizabeth when she’d backslid to lying to herself, to protecting herself. Had championed her relationship with Jason.

Had dismissed Elizabeth’s fears about being broken. About being left behind.

Had ignored the fact that Jason Morgan worked a dangerous job and was even more at risk than a seventeen-year-old boy lighting candles in his bedroom.

“Well, girl, you reap what you sow,” Gia murmured. Now her best friend, the only person who knew her past, wasn’t related to her, and still liked her company, had had her entire world crumble around her, and Gia…hated herself for whatever role she had played in this tragedy.

Her cell phone vibrated on the white Formica counter next to the coffee pot. Gia picked it up and flipped it open.

“Courtney. Hey.”

“Hey.” Courtney was quiet for a long moment, her voice a bit hoarse when she spoke again. “I called…I called to check on Elizabeth, but that’s stupid, right? She’s not okay. How could she be okay?”

“It’s not stupid. It’s what people do.” Gia pressed a hand to her forehead. “Christ, Courtney. How’s AJ? Which is also a ridiculous question.”

“He’s in, um, shock. I think. We came to the mansion. We’re still here. Um, Michael was crying at first and started to ask if we were sure. If we were making a mistake about Jason like we did Carly, and I don’t know what to say to him. Edward is in his room with Lila. They’re not coming out. And Alan and Monica are just…they’re staring into silence. Not even crying.”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s—” Gia passed Elizabeth on the couch and peered through the curtain. “Now, we have news vans outside the Brownstone. They were already here when we got back from Sonny’s. Already filming. Fucking vultures.”

“Yeah, Liz and whoever she was with was on the news—Ned was watching it. He wants to sic the lawyers on them. Do something. Liz looked—she looked empty. In shock. Ned said if you want him to send over ELQ’s lawyer to get them to go—”

“We’ll keep it in mind. I left a message with Marcus. I’m hoping he’ll stop by—he should be able to get rid of them. Thanks.”

Gia turned back to Elizabeth. “Um, Elizabeth? It’s Courtney. She just…. she wanted to check on you.”

Elizabeth met her eyes, and that blank empty stare—God, she knew that stare. Elizabeth had worn it so often in the months leading up to her wedding. During that last final awful year with Lucky. Then it cleared, and Elizabeth took a deep breath. “I’m—is AJ okay?”

“Courtney thinks he’s in shock. They went to the Qs.” Gia hesitated. “Did you—maybe you want to go there—”

“Oh.” Elizabeth blinked. “No.” She paused. “Thank you.”

“Ooookay,” Gia drawled. She was completely out of her depth. She turned her attention back to Courtney. “Is—Is Emily coming back?”

“Oh. Yeah. Ned called her. She’s flying in tomorrow. I’ll let you know the details—” Courtney paused. “Hey, I need to go. Michael’s awake and he’s—”

“Yeah, go. Go.”

Gia closed her phone and then slid it into her pocket. She sat next to Elizabeth on the sofa. “Do you need me to just sit here? To…be quiet? You can scream at me, if you want. Something.”

“I—” Elizabeth hesitated. Focused on Gia.  “I should have told him yes about living together. That’s all I can think about now. I smiled at him, I kissed him. I told him I loved him, but I put him off. I wanted it—I wanted it to be a moment. He was going to pick me up. He was going to let me drive. And we were going to go somewhere. And I was going to tell him yes.”

“He knew that, Elizabeth. He had to know that.” God, Gia hoped that was true. “He loved you.”

“I wasted so much time,” she murmured. “I picked that fight about Carly—”

“It was the right fight,” Gia insisted, going with her instinct here. “Hey. I need you to look at me.” She waited until Elizabeth met her eyes. “You knew she was manipulating him, and you knew he would refuse to see it. You made him see it. A year ago, you swallowed every piece of emotional abuse Lucky threw at you. You stood up for yourself. And for Jason. And he knew you were right. You know that.”

“I just—” Elizabeth’s voice broke. “He thought Carly was his friend, and she never deserved that label. Never. I hated how much she hurt him. But I thought I knew what was right, and I forced him to do what I wanted. I became Robin—”

“No. Jesus, no. Hey.” Gia leaned forward. “No, you didn’t. You did the one thing Robin never did. You stood in front him, and you drew a line in the sand. You said this is what I need from you. From a relationship. You challenged him to give you what you needed. And he stepped up. And he asked you to move in with him.”

Elizabeth dug the heels of her hands into her eyes. Her shoulders trembled. “He…he told me he didn’t want me to be anyone else for him. To hide how I felt. What I thought. He didn’t want that.”

“I don’t know what to say to you. I’m so fucking angry at the world—” Gia felt pressure behind her eyes. “So fucking angry that they would put that man on this planet, make him practically perfect, give him to you for five fucking minutes and steal him away again—what is the goddamn point of it?” she demanded, her voice breaking.

And…then Elizabeth laughed. Bitter, choked laughter as tears slid down her cheeks. As her shoulders shook. “God. Oh, God. God, is it real? Is he—How could—”

Gia slid across the couch and pulled Elizabeth into a hug, wrapping her arms around her tightly. “I’m so sorry. I am so goddamn sorry.”

And she held Elizabeth as her best friend sobbed until her voice was gone.

+4

Hey now you’re bleeding for nothing
It’s hard to breathe when you’re standing on your own
We’ll kill ourselves to find freedom
You’ll kill yourself to find anything at all.
– Hey Now, Augustana

Thursday, September 12, 2002

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Courtney stepped out of the diner and embraced her husband with a tight hug. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He dipped his head into her neck and just let her touch soothe him. “How is everything?”

“Elizabeth isn’t here today.” Courtney drew back, letting her hands slide over his shoulders and resting on his upper chest. “Bobbie wants her to take a few days.”

“I bet she’d rather be busy,” AJ muttered, exhaling slowly. “I’d ask how she’s doing but—”

“She hasn’t heard from Jason in nearly a week. And Sonny keeps turning her away,” Courtney confessed. “He sent someone yesterday to tell her that Sonny had gone out of town, but he’s still in Port Charles. He’s just too scared to tell her what’s going on.”

“Is that what Liz thinks?” AJ asked, frowning.

“No, but it’s what Gia says. She’s getting really pissed off and she accidentally—so she says—told her brother what the guard told Liz. And Taggert says that Sonny is holed up at the Towers, refusing to talk to the police.”

AJ hissed under his breath. “He’s lying to her. That can’t be good.”

“Yeah, Gia didn’t tell her what Taggert said, but—it’s been a week. Jason would have contacted her by now if he could. So, he can’t.”

She let her head dip down into his chest. “I’m so worried for her, AJ. And I’m worried for you.”

“For me?”

Courtney flushed but raised her head to meet his eyes. “I hate myself for it, but if something happened to your brother, after everything you’ve been through these last few months—”

“You mean if my brother is dead when we’ve finally started to understand one another?” AJ said roughly. “Will I take a drink?”

“Yeah,” Courtney said in a small voice. “God, I’m sorry—”

“Hey. Honesty, right? That’s what we promised each other. I don’t know, Courtney. For right now, I’m just…. not letting myself think of it. I’m telling myself maybe he got hurt, and Sonny’s just being an asshole to Elizabeth. No news is good news as far as I can tell.” He hesitated. “But yeah. I don’t know what’s going to happen if it’s bad. I like to think I could do it. I haven’t…”

AJ was quiet for a moment, and Courtney let him have his space.

“When Carly came home, I didn’t know Jason was going to take my side,” he said. “There were a few times when I thought…I thought about taking a drink. Just to take the edge off. To stop being so worried. So tense.”

“You didn’t say anything,” Courtney murmured.

“I called my sponsor the first time, and he stayed on the phone with me until the feeling was gone. And I called him again. Then Jason went missing.” He looked away. “But people depend on me. You. Michael. I have to be there for my family if it goes wrong. And I know he wouldn’t expect it, but I feel like I should be there for Elizabeth—”

“You shouldn’t put that kind of pressure on yourself,” Courtney protested, but he just shook his head.

“It’s not pressure,” he said. “I don’t know how to explain it. I just…if I take a drink, I’m not just breaking a promise to you, to myself. To Michael. I’m breaking it to Jason. And if I let the people I care about worry about Jason on their own—I don’t know. I just…I have responsibilities, and before—maybe I would have run from them. Now? I just want to do the right thing. Be strong for everyone else.”

Courtney smiled, but her eyes were sad, her lashes a bit wet. “I’m so scared for her, AJ. She’s already closing in on herself. She’s going to her classes, going to work, but there’s a desperation—I don’t know what will happen if Jason—”

“Then let’s try not to worry about it,” AJ told her.” He kissed her cheek. “I need to get back to work.”

Brownstone: Kitchen

Bobbie sighed, restless, as she stirred sugar into her coffee at the counter. She watched Elizabeth at the dining table, mindlessly flipping pages in one of her textbooks.

She didn’t know how to help Elizabeth, what to say to her, how to get her through this. Jason had disappeared from the face of the Earth, and Sonny wasn’t taking anyone’s phone calls, had even gone as far as to claim that he was out of town to avoid Elizabeth.

“I called Scott again today,” she told Elizabeth as she joined her at the table. “But the PCPD is still not releasing Jason’s room at Jake’s.”

“That’s okay.” Elizabeth lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “They got my phone records. Alexis told me they just couldn’t get a search warrant for the messages.” The words were basic, the tone was matter-of-fact, but Bobbie knew Elizabeth well enough now to know when she was lying. When she was protecting herself. And Bobbie didn’t have the heart to challenge her on it.

“They can’t prove Jason’s involved in anything, so she’s holding them off.” Bobbie sipped the coffee. Winced. She’d put too much cream into it again. “He’ll turn up, Elizabeth—”

“If he’s alive, he’s hurt,” Elizabeth murmured. “And he’s hurt badly enough he can’t contact me.” Her dark blue eyes were lush with tears as she looked at Bobbie. “Twenty-four hours, I could…I could live with that, you know? I just…I don’t know why Sonny won’t talk to me.”

Bobbie hesitated. “You know…Sonny’s…always had issues with trust.”

Elizabeth’s lips were pressed into a thin line. “I’ve never given him a reason to distrust me, Bobbie. I’ve always put Jason first—”

“You know that. Jason knows that. But Sonny?  He’s got a history with this sort of thing. When he was dating Brenda, she wore a wire.”

“Jason mentioned that a few months ago, but he didn’t really talk about it. Why would she do that to him?”

“I’m not really sure, actually.” Bobbie lifted a shoulder. “I only heard about it second hand, but I think she was scared. It destroyed them. And then Carly—”

“Carly entrapped him and then six months later, she turned him into the feds, that much I know.” Elizabeth pushed her textbook away. “I remember back when Jason was shot. I could tell Sonny hated that I knew. I knew that Jason was hurt, that I had been the one to help him. I wouldn’t tell him where Jason was—he hated it.”

“Sonny is obsessed with power, with control, there’s no doubt about that.”

“It wasn’t just not knowing about Jason. He was so uncomfortable with me being involved at all, and I used to think it was the danger. But last year, when Jason came to town and stayed in my studio because he wanted to watch the warehouse? Sonny was angry about that, too. He thought there were other places Jason could have stayed—”

“But Jason wanted to see you. He trusted you.”

“When Jason and I first started dating, he told me that there was this…code. This way of doing things. You don’t talk. There were things I could never know, but…” She sighed, her breath tremulous. Shaky. “He’s never been good at that. I mean, he would talk in euphemisms and around things, but he always told me more than I think Sonny liked. That’s why I know…if he was just hurt and lying low, he would have found a way to tell me.”

“I believe that,” Bobbie said, reaching out to squeeze Elizabeth’s wrist. “I was there, too, when he was shot. When you were taking care of him. And I’ve been here these last few months. Whatever is going on, you can blame Sonny for it. I have no doubt there.”

“I—” Elizabeth licked her lips. “I haven’t seen Carly around. Is she still not—”

“She came to me the night Jason went missing,” Bobbie admitted. “She had told Jason the truth finally, or at least that’s what she said.”

Elizabeth stared at her. “That same night? I saw her earlier that day. She told me she didn’t fake her death.”

Bobbie nodded. “Whatever you said, convinced her to go to Jason, who told her to come to me. She didn’t tell me what happened, only that Jason was satisfied with her answer—”

Elizabeth dipped her head, an icy sensation spreading throughout her body. Oh. God. “Jason…wasn’t working that night. Not…that way.”

Bobbie squinted. “What do you mean?”

“He…wasn’t—” Elizabeth hesitated. “I can’t…get into it, but Jason going to a warehouse with his gun? That wasn’t supposed to happen. It’s been driving me insane all week because we had plans. He was supposed to meet with AJ’s lawyer to turn over guardianship—but he canceled that meeting.”

“Right,” Bobbie said faintly. “What…what time did you see her?”

“Around three. She went straight to Jason, and he canceled the meeting after she left.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Whatever she said to him…he went to that warehouse. The voicemail that Taggert told me about? He left it for me after she came to see him. He must have.”

“Elizabeth—”

“She’s been manipulating this situation since the moment she came home, Bobbie. C’mon.” Elizabeth shoved back the chair and stood up. “She was watching Jason. She knew when we were alone because that’s when she called him. She refused to tell him what was going on. But somehow, that day, she told him. Why?”

“I…thought maybe she realized she wasn’t going to get her way—” Bobbie sighed. “What happened when you saw her?”

“She looked like hell and wanted to know why AJ had Michael. I gave her a play by play, and she seemed…to understand what Jason’s choices were. But why did she want to know that day?” Elizabeth shook her head. “I’m done. I can’t wait anymore.”

“Elizabeth—”

The doorbell rang before Bobbie could finish and she went to answer the door. On her front step, Monica stood, her eyes worried, her fingers clutching the strap of her purse. “Is Elizabeth here?”

“Monica?” Elizabeth appeared over Bobbie’s shoulder. “Oh, God…did you hear anything?”

“No.” Monica’s voice wobbled, but she swallowed hard and kept speaking. “I was hoping you had.”

Bobbie stepped back to allow Jason’s mother to step inside the foyer. “Monica—”

“I know what everyone else does,” Elizabeth said, folding her arms and looking at the floor. “But I haven’t heard from Jason in a week.”

“How—” Monica shook her head. “That’s not like him, is it? Elizabeth—”

“He’s gone out of town without telling me,” Elizabeth admitted, “but not since we started dating. We weren’t really…back then. But, no…” She swallowed hard. “This…this isn’t something he would do to me. He…the last time I saw him—” She couldn’t hold back the tears. “He asked me to move in with him—”

“You didn’t say anything,” Bobbie murmured, putting an arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders. “Oh, sweetheart.”

“I thought someone would call. That I would find out—” Elizabeth shook her head. “I don’t understand what’s going on. Why—” She used the heels of her palms to swipe away her tears. “I have to go. I’m going to see Sonny.”

“I thought they wouldn’t let you in to see him,” Bobbie said with a frown. “He’s supposed to be out of town—”

“Do you think one of those guards on the way up to the penthouse is going to stop me?” she demanded. “Just let them try.”

She stalked back to the dining table and returned with her purse looped over her arm. “I’ve put up with this for too long.”

She stormed past both Bobbie and Monica, slamming the door behind her.

“Monica—”

The doctor turned back to Bobbie with her own tears. “I’m so terrified, Bobbie, that someone is going to knock on my door to tell me he’s dead.”

Bobbie folded her old friend into a tight embrace and prayed that day wouldn’t happen.

Port Charles Police Department: Interrogation Room

Carly shifted in the hard wooden seat and scowled at Taggert who sat sprawled in a chair across from her. “Am I under arrest?” she demanded. “Because I want a lawyer—”

“You’re free to leave whenever you want.”

“Good.” She jumped up and started for the door.

“Of course, if you don’t want to help us find Jason Morgan, that’s your problem.”

Carly scowled, turned back to him. “Jason’s fine. He’s out of town doing something for Sonny. Who do you think you’re playing?”

“Yeah?” Taggert twisted in his seat with a shrug. “We found shell casings matching a gun registered to him—”

“The type of gun,” Carly corrected with clenched teeth. Fucking assholes trying to get over on her. Jason was fine. He was pissed at her, but he was fine.

He was out of town, fixing this for her. She knew that, and she would be patient for the first time in her life. She would wait for Jason.

“We found blood—”

“With someone else’s blood type,” Carly snapped.

Taggert tossed a folder on the desk. “Sure, the blood with the brain matter. What about the other blood?”

Carly stopped, stared at the folder. Swallowed. “What’s in that?”

“Sit down and I’ll tell you.”

And so, against her better judgment, Carly returned to the chair, perching on the edge of the seat. “What other blood?” she demanded.

Taggert opened the folder and set out a crime scene photo. “We found a couple areas with blood spatter. Two of them were the same. A body was moved from upstairs downstairs, we figure. Someone was shot near the back exit. And two more people…” Taggert tapped a dark gray spot. “They were both shot next to the dumping spot for the body we don’t have.”

Carly swallowed. “So?” she managed. “That doesn’t—”

“Four sets of DNA. Four men were shot in that warehouse. Two of the blood spatters match Jason Morgan’s blood type. We’re waiting on an official match through DNA, but—” Taggert shrugged. “We’ll have that in a few weeks.”

In her lap, Carly’s hands clenched into fists. This was a trick. Somehow…this was a lie. “How much blood—”

“Someone tried to clean it up, but to survive the amount of blood loss?” Taggert shrugged. “You better hope someone got him to a doctor.”

Carly closed her eyes. “Jason is out of town.”

“Then you know more than his girlfriend, and I find that hard to believe.”

Carly scowled. Was that goddamn troll talking to the cops? “No way Elizabeth Webber says a word to you—”

“She doesn’t have to.” Taggert tilted his head. “I live in the same building, Carly. Before last week? Morgan was over a lot. Elizabeth spent most of her nights out. She’s walking around like a ghost. If he was hurt, you think she wouldn’t be with him?”

God, Carly wanted to argue with that, but the last time she knew for sure Jason had been shot—he’d let Elizabeth take care of him. He’d pushed Carly away. Turned to the little princess.

“Maybe he’s called her.”

“We’ve got her phone records.” Taggert tossed a report to her. “He called her six times. Last Friday. At 4:40 in the afternoon, he left her one voicemail. Nothing since then. So… you tell me that Jason is out of town. How do you know that?”

“He…has to be out of town,” Carly said, but it was less sure. Less adamant. God, had she gotten him killed?

“What I think happened is that Jason went to that warehouse and was ambushed. Maybe Sonny Corinthos cleaned up the scene as much as he could. Maybe Jason’s just hurt somewhere, laying low. Lying to his girlfriend like the bastard I know he is—”

“He wouldn’t do that,” Carly snapped without thinking. Oh, God. He would never do that. He would never put someone he loved through the worry and the pain. She knew that. Oh, God. He was dead.

Carly shoved the photos away. “Are we done here?” she asked, her voice shaking. “Am I under arrest?”

“Sonny isn’t going to tell you what happened to him. You’re out in the cold, Carly. Everyone is pissed at you for what happened. And maybe Sonny won’t ever tell anyone what happened. Maybe Jason will just disappear.”

Carly shook her head. “No—”

“Maybe he’ll just fade away. Everyone will forget him. Your son? Too young to remember him—”

“You don’t even like Jason—”

“I like Elizabeth Webber,” Taggert interrupted. “She deserves better than what she’s getting. I like your mother. Monica Quartermaine. Lila Quartermaine. The people who love Jason Morgan deserve to know what happened to him even if it’s just to close the door. So, whatever you know, Carly—and we both know that you know something—you need to tell me.”

“If I am not under arrest,” Carly said, rising to her feet again. “I’m leaving.”

“Go ahead.” Taggert sat back. “I just hope you can sleep at night.”

Safe House: Bedroom

Johnny O’Brien scowled at the doctor as he watched the man attach another bag of morphine to the IV stand next to the double bed where Jason slept fitfully.

“Sonny asked you to keep the pain meds coming, didn’t he?” Johnny demanded.

The doctor hesitated, then nodded. “He wanted to keep Jason sedated through the worst of the recovery,” he mumbled.

“Stop it.” Johnny nodded at the bag. “That’s the last dose I want him to have. It’s been a week—”

“I take my orders from Sonny—”

“He’s not here,” Johnny said with a roll of his eyes. “And eventually, Jason is going to wake up and realize he’s slept for a week.” He waited a moment. “Sonny is keeping Jason sedated because when Jason wakes up—he’s going to expect to see his girlfriend here. He thinks Sonny told her he was hurt. He asked Sonny to bring her.”

The doctor carefully completed the hook up for the morphine drop and sighed. “Yeah, I know. Her name is Elizabeth, right? He asks for her when he manages to surface.”

“Sonny wanted you to keep him sedated for a while, but it wasn’t supposed to be this long. I promised him twenty-four hours. We’ve given him six days. So, when I say that’s the last dose, I mean it. You’re not giving him anymore meds.”

The doctor waited a long moment, then nodded. “We’ll start weaning him off. He should come around fully in about two days.” He met Johnny’s eyes. “This wasn’t my choice.”

“Yeah, well, you could have refused,” Johnny muttered. “And when Jason figures out we’ve been lying our asses off and keeping him trapped in a bed all week, drugged out of his mind, we’re all going to get killed.”

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny heard the voices in the hallway before Max knocked on his door and opened it slightly. He nodded to Benny, who closed some folders and drew some newspapers over another set of paperwork.

“Miss Webber is here.”

Sonny furrowed his brow, but nodded to wave her in. He’d been putting off this conversation for days, and honestly, he should have been prepared for this.

Elizabeth strode in, yanking her arm out of the grasp of a younger guard who had apparently been trying to keep her from storming the penthouse.

“Where is he?” she demanded after Sonny closed the door, leaving Max and the guard out in the hallway. “Where is he? Is he all right?”

“Elizabeth—”

“Why did you lie to me?” Her eyes were red, exhaustion in the lines of her face—she looked as though she hadn’t slept in days. “Why did you ignore my phone calls and send someone to tell me you weren’t in town?”

“Elizabeth.” Sonny tipped his head back, took a deep breath, and steeled himself for the conversation to follow. “You know better—”

“Don’t give me that bullshit, Sonny.” She stabbed a finger at him. “Don’t you dare patronize me like I’m a scared kid looking for Jason. You did that before. You tried to make me feel like an idiot—well that’s not happening. Not today.”

“You always knew there were things you couldn’t know—”

“No, I knew there were things you wouldn’t tell me,” she retorted. “But it’s been a week. Jason is gone. And I know something happened that night—”

“Elizabeth—”

“Just shut up. Stop lying to me!” She cried, her hands trembling as she dragged them through her hair. “Jason’s out. He told me he wasn’t working for you the way he was before. That you wanted people to think he was out.”

Sonny hissed under his breath. “He shouldn’t have—”

“It doesn’t matter. I know Jason wasn’t supposed to go any warehouse that night. He was supposed to be with me—” Her voice broke. “He asked me to move in with him, Sonny. We are planning a future together. I have the right to know—”

“You have the right to know what I tell you,” Sonny said, a bit more sharply than he’d intended to and the anger in his voice turned her face white. “You don’t ask about business, Elizabeth. That’s the rule—”

“Yeah? How about I ask about Carly then?” she shot back. “She came to see Jason that day. Bobbie told me she did. And I know that Jason called me. Taggert pulled the phone logs. He left a voicemail, but they don’t know what he said.”

Sonny exhaled slowly. “I know that, Elizabeth. Alexis is fighting it—”

“Everything I know about Friday night is because Taggert told me. He told me about the phone calls I never got because I forgot my goddamn phone—” Her voice was climbing until she was nearly screaming. “I know his blood was in a warehouse, that he was there, with his gun—”

“Sonny,” Benny murmured, as he rose to his feet. “C’mon—”

Elizabeth seemed to notice him for the first time, her bloodshot eyes taking in his sadness. His worry. “You know where he is?”

“Elizabeth, look…” Sonny waited until she looked back at him, Benny subsiding back into silence. “The truth is that I don’t know anything more than Taggert does.”

“What?” Her voice trembled. She shook her head. “That’s not—”

“I haven’t seen Jason since Friday night, either. I haven’t heard from him.”

“B-But—” She was still shaking her head. “You didn’t—”

“I don’t know what happened. I don’t know if he’s okay.”

Her shoulders slumped. “Why…why wouldn’t you just say that? Why did you have to—” She pressed her lips together, closed her eyes. “But that’s good. Because that means Jason is lying low. He’s not calling you either. You would know if he was gone.”

“I’d hope so,” Sonny said. The shame of his lies made him look away. “Elizabeth, he wouldn’t want you to worry. So…just go about your life. When this dies down, he’ll get in touch with both of us.”

She opened her eyes and looked at him…and he had a peculiar feeling that maybe…just maybe…she could see right through him. “I know you don’t think I should know anything about business, Sonny. That’s fine. But this isn’t business. This isn’t just me. I’m not the only person terrified. Monica came by the Brownstone today. Jason has family who worry about him. You’re keeping me out of loop to prove a fucking point, and it’s bullshit. Jason knows he can trust me. I just wish you did, too.”

The door slammed so hard behind her that the door frame rattled. Sonny exhaled and turned to the mini, pouring himself a double bourbon.

“You’re making a mistake.”

Benny’s quiet voice broke into Sonny’s misery. He turned, the tumbler in his hand. “Benny—”

“And I’m not thinking about what just happened here, though Elizabeth Webber is correct. Had you brought her in, told her Jason was all right—there would be a lot less suspicion. She could have backed up Jason being out of town. The police are all over this. Digging into everything.  Because Jason broke pattern, and he left her hanging.”

“We had to make everyone think he was out of commission—”

“You’re creating problems we don’t need. Jason is loyal to you. He’s proved that.” Benny tapped the papers he was covering. “And he wouldn’t agree to do what you’re planning.”

“They’re not making a move. They’re not taking advantage of Jason’s absence,” Sonny muttered, even as the disgust licked at his throat. He was sick to his stomach just thinking about it. “They don’t think he’s hurt enough. They will when we’re done.”

“And when Jason comes back?” Benny asked. “When he finds out what you’ve done? How will you ever justify it?”

“I don’t have to justify anything,” Sonny snapped. “Someone is coming after me. You know why they went for Jason? To get at me. To make it easier to get to me. They already came for Carly. Who’s next? Who is my family, huh? Courtney? Mike?” Sonny shook his head. “No, they won’t go for them. They’ll go for Elizabeth. For Michael. For the people I chose to make my family. Elizabeth can hate me all she wants. Jason can hate me, too. But I’m doing this for them.”

“Sonny—”

“And if you don’t agree, well then…” Sonny shrugged. “I’ll find someone who does. This is going to happen.”

Benny hesitated for a long moment. “It’s too late to stop it now,” he admitted. “If they think Jason is just hiding—they might get desperate enough to try to draw him out.”

“That’s right,” Sonny muttered. “They’ll go after Elizabeth or Michael next to make sure Jason is gone. I gotta stop that. I gotta keep that from happening. How long?”

“Maybe three days to make the arrangements. Another day or two to plant the evidence. Do you think they’ll wait that long?”

“Keep the guards on Elizabeth and Michael. Especially Elizabeth. She’s the easiest target. No one takes kids unless they have to.” Sonny hesitated. “I don’t like this anymore than you do, Benny. But you don’t stay alive in this business unless you make the tough decisions.”

Benny didn’t look convinced, but he sat down and returned to his paperwork while Sonny tossed back the double bourbon, hoping the burning liquid would wash away the disgust and the shame.

It didn’t.

+3

Maybe there’s a God above
All I’ve ever learned from love
Was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you
And it’s not a cry that you hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken Hallelujah
– Hallelujah, Rufus Wainwright

Friday, September 6, 2002

Pier 52: Warehouse

Jason parked the SUV and looked at the man in the passenger seat. Johnny O’Brien, their warehouse manager and Sonny’s top enforcer at the moment, was checking the clip in his handgun.

“Is Richie in place?” Jason asked, squinting. “Did he say?”

“Yeah, he got there about ten minutes ago. Scoped out the place and found a spot to cover both exits. He’s ready.” Johnny hesitated. “Are we sure this is the way we want to handle it? Maybe it would be better if we just didn’t show up.”

Jason shook his head. “No. If someone is watching Carly, they know she came to me today. They know I want to know where she’s been. I’ve run around town for the last two weeks proving that I jump when she calls. If I don’t show up, they’ll be on to her.”

“So?” Johnny muttered. “You slap a guard on her idiot ass and move on—” When Jason scowled, Johnny shrugged. “Hey, it’s not like I wish her ill, Jase, but she put everyone in danger last year when she turned on Sonny. And no one’s really ever liked that much to begin with.”

“They want me out of the loop, Johnny. I need to know what we’re up against—”

“Yeah, yeah. I get it. I’ll follow orders.” He shoved open the door. “I’ll take the back exit, you take the front.”

“Yeah.”

They split up. Jason tugged his gun from behind his back and held it low in front of him as he crept towards the entrance of the abandoned warehouse where Carly had been told to send him.

Why this place? Did they think he would go anywhere Carly asked? Jason shared Johnny’s doubts, and Benny had been skeptical that this would be worth the effort. But if they could just get their hands on one of the guys sent by Roscoe—maybe they could get somewhere.

This life was always risky, but Jason preferred it when the risk was legal, not mortal. Most of the time, the danger was getting arrested, or being on the wrong end of a police raid. Territory squabbles were minimal, particularly this far from New York City.

There was always someone lower in the ranks who wanted to make their bones by taking out someone closer to the top, but Sonny usually ran an effective organization—those kinds of men were weeded out before any real damage was done.

Every once in a while, though there was a Moreno or a Sorel who wanted their own piece and didn’t want to share. And Jason was tired of taking bullets for assholes who wanted power they couldn’t handle.

The door to the warehouse was hanging off its hinges, the larger garage door to the truck entrance was dilapidated and looked as if it hadn’t been opened for business in years.

Jason hesitated before opening the door. Even if Carly hadn’t told him it was a trap, his instincts would have been screaming it by now. Had they expected Carly to come clean?

But he pushed open the door, the hinges creaking in the cavernous open space. There were stacks of packing crates, cardboard boxes with papers spilling out of the sagging sides. The odor of mildew and mold seeped into his nostrils.

He made it no more than ten feet into the room before he saw a black boot sticking out from behind a pile of packing crates. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he moved closer. He kicked the boot and raised his gun—

It was Richie, their best sniper. He was lying on his back, his arms and legs spread eagle across the cement floor. His eyes were wide open, staring at the ceiling. A small round bullet hole in his forehead. No blood on the floor around him, which meant he’d been placed here.

Damn it. Jason spun around at Johnny’s shout. At the sound of gunfire—

And then he felt the first bullet slam into his upper chest, the hot metal digging through muscles and tendons. Another in his shoulder. He grunted and fell back, getting off his own shot in the process. Another bullet in his leg.

And then he was on the cement ground, choking. A man walked towards him. Jason’s vision was beginning to blur—the first bullet must have sliced an artery because he couldn’t catch his breath.

He could see the dim outline of a gun as it pointed straight at his head. Jason closed his eyes. Elizabeth’s smile, her eyes flashed in front of his face.

Another shot echoed in the room, and Jason choked, struggling—a man’s weight slumped over him. “Jesus fucking Christ, Morgan—” Johnny’s voice faded as Jason couldn’t manage to stay awake.

The world dimmed and he closed his eyes.

Saturday, September 7, 2002

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Every hour that passed added another layer of uncertainty and terror. The clock struck six. Seven. Eight. Nine.

Courtney’s shift finished at ten, and AJ came to pick her up, but Courtney refused to leave. She was too worried about Elizabeth. So AJ called the babysitter with Michael and sat down to wait with them.

Because Jason hadn’t called. And neither he nor Sonny were picking up their phones.

By eleven and closing, Gia had joined them and the four of them sat around a table in the back, Courtney having put together a pot of coffee and served it.

Elizabeth’s mug was ice cold and untouched by midnight.

She called Alexis, finally, but Jason and Sonny’s lawyer hadn’t heard from them either. Jason had called her to cancel the meeting, but she knew nothing beyond that. Nothing she could share. Gia, who had started an internship in Alexis’s office the week before, could offer nothing else.

Jason and Sonny had not answered any phone calls in eight hours.

Elizabeth still refused to go to the warehouse or get her phone from Jake’s. She couldn’t. If she took any action that suggested something was wrong…then something was wrong.

And she knew that in Jason’s life, when something went wrong, and he was out of touch, it was never good. And for Sonny to be gone as well—

Around twelve-thirty, AJ shifted and sighed. He drew Courtney out of her seat and pulled her towards the entrance. “I’m going to go home and relieve the babysitter,” he murmured to Courtney. “Call me when you know something.”

“I can go…” But Courtney’s voice faded, and she looked at Elizabeth. “But I want to be here.” She looked at AJ. “You must be scared, too. I should stay with you—”

“I am,” AJ admitted. “But not as scared as she is. I can least admit that something is wrong. She’s not there yet.” He kissed her cheek. “She needs you more than I do right now.”

“What if something happened?” Courtney asked, her voice trembling. “What if he’s hurt? God, AJ. Gia and I pushed her towards him.”

“Hey.” He shook his head. “Let’s not think that way. Odds are that he got hurt, and Sonny’s being a dick and keeping it from everyone. He’ll get in touch when he can. Jason’s too stubborn for anything else—”

“He’s not Superman,” Courtney muttered, but she watched AJ leave and turned back to the table where Gia and Elizabeth still sat. Gia was attempting to study, to turn this into anything other than what Courtney knew this was.

Waiting for someone to deliver devastation.

Safe House: Living Room

Sonny rocked back on his heels as he waited for the doctor to emerge from the back room. At a table, Benny was restless, going through the same paperwork he’d been looking at for the last four hours. Sonny didn’t think he was even reading the words at this point.

Johnny was grimacing at the sling hanging over his left shoulder and attempting to drink a beer with his right, less dominant hand.

Jason had required surgery to repair a partially severed artery in his chest, and only Johnny’s quick first aid had kept Sonny’s partner from bleeding out as they transported him to the only safe house with a sterilized surgery in one of the bedrooms.

And still, it was touch and go.

Johnny had suggested maybe calling Elizabeth—Jason had asked for her in the car, his words slurring, but the request had been repeated several times.

Sonny knew that Elizabeth was waiting for Jason, that he was supposed to pick her up from Kelly’s. He had picked up his phone to call her more than once. Not to tell her Jason was hurt, but just that he couldn’t be in touch.

But something held him back. By now, Elizabeth must be worried. It was after midnight—the diner closed at eleven. Hell, she must be terrified. She’d called Sonny’s phone three times, twice in the last hour alone.

Sonny hadn’t answered any of those calls. He didn’t know if Jason would survive the bullet wound, and God, he did not want to be the one to tell her. She would be able to hear it in his voice. And she was probably with Gia or his sister. Maybe even Bobbie.

No one could know that Jason had been shot. They had gotten one of the shooters, but he’d died before Johnny could ask him any questions, and the gunfire had been called into the PCPD. They had barely been able to remove Richie and the other body from the warehouse before the cops had showed up.

And…this was how it was supposed to work. There were things Elizabeth couldn’t know. She’d only known the last time Jason had been shot because she found him. If Carly hadn’t been there—if Sonny hadn’t betrayed him—Jason would have recuperated in a safe house and Elizabeth would never have been brought into it.

Jason always told Elizabeth more than Sonny wanted her to know. No one had been supposed to know Jason was in town the year before—but Jason had gone straight to her, like a goddamn moth to the flame. Had put her in danger. Again.

No, it was better this way. Better to wait until he had something to tell her.

And Jason needed to be out of commission. If no word was had from him, if no one knew where he was—whoever had gone after Jason might step it up. Make more mistakes. Sonny had to know who was coming after him.

The doctor finally emerged, his eyes lined with exhaustion, a blood stained towel in his hand. “I’ve stabilized him for now.”

Sonny exhaled slowly as Johnny and Benny got to their feet. “For now?” he echoed.

“He lost of a lot of blood,” the doctor said with a mutter. “He should be in the hospital. I’ve sedated him, and I’ll leave the necessary medication—I’ll have to get a few things, but he’s going to be weak. Woozy for a while. If I can get my hands on blood for a transfusion—”

“But he’ll make it—”

“Barring infection, as long he doesn’t move around—” The doctor shrugged. “Sure. Lucky son of a bitch.”

“I’ll call Elizabeth,” Johnny interrupted, reaching for his phone. “She must be out of her mind—”

“No, no.” Sonny held out his hand. “Not yet.”

“Sonny—the warehouse shooting was called into the police. If the PCPD haven’t harassed her yet, they will—”

The doctor, seeing that he was no longer needed, returned to his patient as Johnny gave Sonny a questioning look. “Jason’s going to ask for her the minute he wakes up—”

“We’ll put him off. He’ll understand once he’s alert.” Sonny shook his head. “They wanted to eliminate him tonight, Johnny. We gotta do what we can to make sure Jason stays out of commission—”

“Boss, I agree, but I don’t see what that has to do with Elizabeth. We can make arrangements to bring her here in secrecy—” Benny began.

“What does Roscoe know right now?” Sonny demanded. “He knows that Richie is dead—” and he took a moment for that, because Richie had been working with them for years and had always been reliable. “Maybe he knows Jason was shot. He knows that the cops were called, but none of our guys were left on the scene.”

“Which means they think Jason’s alive, which the opposite of what they were trying to do,” Johnny argued. “So this is just bullshit—”

“But if Jason doesn’t turn up, if Elizabeth doesn’t disappear—” Benny sighed. “Roscoe knows how we operate. It’s how everyone operates. Jason’s injured enough to go MIA, he’s out of the way. I don’t like it, but I think we gotta hold off making any moves for at least twenty four hours.”

Sonny nodded. “Elizabeth knows how this works. She’ll be worried, but it’ll be temporary and Jason will be too out of to know any better. It’s just for a little while, okay?”

“You’ll be the one explaining it to Jason,” Johnny muttered. “But fine.”

Jake’s: Van Ess Street

Around one in the morning, Elizabeth gave up.

Jason was two hours late picking her up. Phone calls to Sonny and Jason were still not being returned, and Elizabeth was ready to give in.

Something had happened. Something bad.

They dropped Courtney off at her house first—Courtney was reluctant to leave, but Elizabeth told her that AJ needed her, too. He was at home with Michael, and they’d keep her in the loop.

Gia drove her to Jake’s first to get her phone—but there were police cars out front, and the bar was clearly closed for the night.

“Do you want me to go ask questions?” Gia asked as their car sat idling a few spaces back from the bar as the red and blue lights flashed, illuminating the stark white pallor of Elizabeth’s face. “Maybe it was just another bar fight.”

“No.” Elizabeth cleared her throat. She nodded at the men walking out. “That’s a crime scene unit—you see their jackets? They’re looking for something. And Jason is Jake’s only tenant right now.” She swallowed. “Go to the warehouse.”

Gia muttered something under her breath but pulled the car back out onto the street and drove the mile that separated the bar from the docks.

More police cars surrounded the piers, and the entrance to the Elm Street Pier was closed off entirely. There was another set of crime scene tech guys milling about in the parking lot, as if waiting for clearance. Here, Elizabeth saw more than that. She recognized the curly hair of the police commissioner, and the long dark hair of Detective Andy Capelli.

Her heart was pounding. Her mouth was dry. “They’re at the warehouse. They’re at Jake’s.”

“I’ll call my brother,” Gia said, offering for what must have been the tenth time that night. But this time, Elizabeth closed her eyes and nodded.

She waited long enough, and if anyone wanted to take her to task, she’d tell them to go to hell. She had a right to know what the hell was going on, and if no one wanted to tell her—

She’d find out for herself.

“Marcus, I’m with Elizabeth. We’re at the warehouse—” Gia scowled. “No, we’re in the car. Look—stop talking for five seconds and I’ll tell you why I’m calling—Okay. Okay.” She hung up, took a deep breath, and put her phone back in her bag.

“Marcus wants us to go back to our place and wait for him. He has questions for you.”

“Did—” Elizabeth licked her lips. Forced the words out. “Did he say where Jason was?”

“He refused. This doesn’t mean anything, Liz. You know that. My brother, the PCPD—they’re assholes in general. They could have Jason in a holding cell—”

“Without telling Alexis?”

“Maybe,” Gia said with some hesitation. “You know they can get desperate—”

“Gia, let’s just go home and wait for your brother.” Elizabeth closed her eyes and tried to breathe. In and out. In and out.

She could do this. She was strong. She had survived the worst life could throw at her. This was nothing. Piece of cake.

Palm Beach, Florida

Ruiz Compound: Hector Ruiz’s Study

Zander grimaced as he was shown into the inner sanctum of the Ruiz family’s seat of power. It was a hot, muggy night, and even the open terraced villa that Hector had constructed looking over the ocean didn’t provide any relief from the miserable, heavy humidity.

It was after one in the morning, and he’d been pulled from a comfortable bed with a sexy woman in order to answer the summons of Hector Ruiz.

Inside the study, Hector sat behind his desk, a man leaning toward his late sixties with olive skin, salt and pepper hair slicked back, and mean dark eyes.

He sat across from Luis Alcazar, each with a tumbler of liquor and a cigar in hand as if it wasn’t one-thirty in the fucking morning.

Assholes.

“Smith. You made good time.” Ruiz gestured at him with his cigar. “Luis has some news for us.”

“News, and some questions.” Neither men rose nor indicated that Zander would be taking a seat or offered his own drink or cigar. This was obviously not a social call.

“There was a shooting tonight on Pier 52,” Luis said.

Zander hesitated. “Your ambush happened?”

“That’s what I want to know,” Luis murmured. He shifted to face Zander more directly. “You heard that Carly Corinthos’ death had been exaggerated slightly?”

“She was your plan?” Zander asked with raised brows. “You used her to lure Jason into an ambush?”

“I had hoped to turn her more forcefully,” Luis admitted. “I had…hopes she could be twisted entirely. She’s known for her rash decisions. Her anger—” He sighed. “But I have reasons to believe it did not go as I had intended.”

“Well, what did happen?” And why the fuck had he been dragged from his bed for this?

“Gunfire was reported. Blood was found,” Luis continued. “One of Roscoe’s men was shot, the other escaped. He seemed convinced that Jason had been mortally injured—he saw a shot to the chest. But no one has been admitted to the hospital. Does Corinthos have off site medical assistance for a serious injury like this?”

“Probably,” Zander admitted. “He might also be licking his wounds with a shot to the arm.”

“If he’s not dead, we gotta go again,” Ruiz began, but Zander shook his head. “Why not? You said Jason had to be eliminated—”

“If he took a shot to the chest, he’s going to go under. The last thing Sonny needs is an actual injury on his hands. The cops will crawl all over Jason. Blood being found doesn’t mean much. It could be from anything. No telling they can even prove who it belongs to.” Zander shrugged. “You wait a few days, Jason doesn’t surface, then he’s badly injured—”

“But he’s not eliminated—”

“You want to take out Sonny Corinthos, don’t you?” Zander demanded. “Here’s your chance. Jason’s out of commission. You get Nico or Roscoe to take the hit, Sonny will go after them. Your hands will be clean. You don’t want the territory, so what do you care if Nico and Roscoe take the fall. Nico doesn’t even know your name, and Roscoe will be probably be eliminated before he has a chance to say your name. He’ll go out in a blaze of glory before they take him alive.”

“I like this kid,” Hector said with a grin. “He thinks through all the angles. Why the hell did Corinthos let him go?”

“Because I think for myself, and I put myself first.” Zander shrugged. “Corinthos still thinks he’s Vito Corleone.”

Luis tipped his head. “What makes you think I don’t want the territory?” he asked coolly.

“Because by now you know that Nico and Roscoe are morons which is why they’ve never been able to step up when someone else was available. There’s a reason they stayed beneath Moreno and Sorel. Why they’re basically third string.”

“So?”

“If you wanted the territory, you wouldn’t be a silent partner. You wouldn’t let Roscoe and Nico take the lead. You wouldn’t have sent me away to keep me under the radar. You wouldn’t have faked Sonny Corinthos’s ex-wife’s death. You don’t want the territory. You want to destroy the man.”

“He’s got you there, my old friend.” Hector raised bushy brows at Luis. “I’ve never liked Corinthos, but what do you have against him?”

“That is my concern. After he is gone, you can do what you like with Morgan.” Luis blew out a stream of thin smoke out from his lips. “Because you’re right. I want to eliminate the man. Nothing else matters.”

Elizabeth & Gia’s Apartment: Living Room

It was nearly two in the morning by the time Gia let her exhausted brother through the front door of their apartment.

Elizabeth was curled on the sofa, staring at their land line. Begging silently for it to ring. For someone to make this nightmare go away.

Taggert looked at the two of them, at Elizabeth sitting, at Gia standing in front of him, and his shoulders slumped. “Hell, you don’t know anything more than me, do you?”

“Do you know why the police were at Jake’s and the warehouse?” Elizabeth asked listlessly. “Because that’s more than I know.”

Taggert sighed. “We got reports of gunfire at an old warehouse near Pier 52. It’s one of Anthony Moreno’s old holding companies. It’s been wasting away for three years and it looks like a pile of crap. When we got there, we found blood on the ground, some places where someone had clearly been laying—and spent casings from bullets that match the type of gun Jason Morgan has registered in his name.”

“But no one was there,” Gia said slowly.

“No.” Taggert hesitated. “But we also can’t find Morgan. We’re trying to get his phone records. We’re executing search warrants. Sonny Corinthos is MIA. Elizabeth, listen—”

“How much blood?” she asked softly. “Because you know, it’s a warehouse. People get hurt.”

“We found some blood upstairs—a lot.” He paused. “And some…brain matter. We’re having it tested, but the preliminary blood type did not come back to Morgan.”

She closed her eyes, exhaled slowly. “Okay.”

“You haven’t heard from him?”

“The last time I saw Jason was when he dropped me off for work around eleven. I was working from twelve until closing.” Elizabeth rubbed her eyes, trying to get her brain to think. To focus. “He was supposed to do some paperwork at the warehouse, and then meet with AJ and some lawyers about Carly and Michael.”

“He was supposed to have that meeting at six, but AJ said it got canceled about five—at least that’s when his lawyer called AJ,” Gia volunteered. “And that’s the last anyone has heard from him.”

“My phone is at Jake’s,” Elizabeth said. “So if he called me, I wouldn’t know. He—” She swallowed hard. “He doesn’t call the land line at Kelly’s. Or at least he didn’t today.”

“Okay.” Taggert nodded. “Okay.” He waited a moment. “If you hear from him, would you tell me?” His tone was gentle. Compassionate. So at odds with the way he usually spoke—God, if he thought Jason was dead…

“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “If I can…I will.”

“I appreciate that.” He touched her shoulder gently. “Okay.”

Gia showed him out and closed the door behind him. “You were pretty cooperative,” she murmured.

“Two hours—” She looked at the clock on the wall. “Three hours since Jason was supposed to pick me up. Jason wouldn’t let me worry like this. Maybe once he would have left town and not told me. It was different before. We’re different now.”

She thought they were different.

“And what I told Taggert? It’s nothing that AJ and Courtney probably wouldn’t tell him. No state secrets.” Her lips twisted. “And if Sonny didn’t want me to talk to the cops, then maybe he should have called me.”

“You don’t think something happened to Sonny?” Gia asked with raised eyebrows.

“That’s not how this works. Jason went somewhere tonight. Something went wrong. And Sonny is mopping it up. He’s keeping me out of the loop.”

Her roommate exhaled slowly. “That’s cold—”

“That’s Sonny.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “If he doesn’t come to see me tomorrow…then I’ll start to worry. For now…I just have to keep my cool. This is the life. I love Jason. I’m in this. I just…” She let her legs fall to the ground. “I thought he might be coming to notify me that they had Jason’s body.”

“But they don’t have any bodies.”

“Which means the warehouse was cleaned up. There was time for that. So until someone tells me differently, Jason is somewhere where he can’t contact me, and Sonny isn’t getting in touch.”

“Okay.”

Elizabeth rose to her feet. “I’m going to try to get some sleep.”

Safe House: Bedroom

Between Benny, the doctor, and Sonny, they managed to transfer Jason to a bedroom with an IV. Jason was pale, sweating, like a furnace to the touch—an infection was already setting in.

“Elizabeth,” Jason murmured, stirring slightly. His eyes were slits, just a mixture of blue and red underneath the pale lids. “Did you…”

“Hey, she’s fine. I’ve got it handled,” Sonny murmured, eyeing Johnny with a warning glance. “You better not make her cry for you, man.”

“Tell her…” Jason exhaled slowly, his head lolling to one side, his voice fading in and out. “No soup.”

“No soup?” Johnny repeated, but Sonny shook his head.

“Got it. I’ll let her know.” He nodded to the doctor, and then exited the room with Benny and Johnny. “What’s going on back home?” he asked once they returned to the living room.

“Cops are all over the warehouse,” Benny said. “And they’ve closed Jake’s as a crime scene, so they suspect Jason is involved. Our guy at the Brownstone says Taggert went inside briefly, then left. No guarantee he talked to Miss Webber, but—”

“Odds are,” Sonny murmured. “We go talk to her now, the cops will know. Taggert is too close to Elizabeth. He knows her movements. We bring her here and it’s nothing but problems—”

“That doesn’t mean we don’t tell her,” Johnny hissed.

“We need to let things cool down,” Sonny said with a shake of his head. “She can’t be involved. Jason wouldn’t want her in the middle with the cops. Hey, Elizabeth knows how this works.”

“This is bullshit,” Johnny muttered. But he had his orders, so he swallowed and looked away.

Sonny dismissed them both as he returned to Jason’s room. “Hey, I’m going back to Port Charles,” he murmured, perching on the edge of the double bed. “The doc and Johnny are going to hang out here. Take care of you.”

“Elizabeth,” Jason managed. “Bringing her?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna bring her when I come back. She’ll be glad to see you.” Sonny rose and met the doctor at the door. He hesitated, waiting for Jason to slip back into unconscious. “You’ll do what I told you?”

“Keep him sedated on pain meds for a few days?” the doctor replied in a low voice. “He hates them—”

“He’s too delirious to know better. I’ll be in touch.”

Sonny intended to keep his promise — he would try to stay away until it was time for Elizabeth to be told. He would bring her here just as soon as it was safe. He knew Jason wanted her to know he was okay, but Elizabeth was stronger than Jason gave her credit for.

As soon as Roscoe made his move, as soon as Sonny knew who the hell was coming for him—well then, this would all be over.

+5