I gotta say something I’ve been thinking about
I can’t wait to lay around with you
And tell you all the secrets I’ve been keeping to myself
It’s been awhile since I’ve felt butterflies.
Do you feel the same way too?
If every single second could last that much longer
Would you hold me?
– Kiss Me Again, We Are in the Crowd

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Jason stepped over the threshold, the first time he had been face to face with his partner since their confrontation the week before over Carly and Evie. He wanted to believe they could still pull this situation back from the fire.

It would hurt to sign custody of Evie away, he knew that. And he knew it wasn’t following the spirit of his promise to Sam, but if Sonny could get help—if he could really deal with his demons for the first time in his life, he might find himself again.

Be the man Jason had given his loyalty to all those years ago.

If there was any hope of drawing that man out again, finding him inside the darkness, Jason thought he could live with the pain of losing Evie. Because Sonny, at his best, was a good father. He would be good for Evie.

And Jason wanted to believe they could find that.

Sonny glanced up from the paperwork he was considering and leaned back in his chair, his dark eyes flat. “We didn’t have a meeting today.”

“No.” Jason lowered himself into the chair. “No, this isn’t…business. It’s personal.”

“Oh?” Sonny lifted his brows. “I didn’t think we had anything personal to discuss after your ultimatum last week.”

“It wasn’t—” Jason stopped and shook his head. “I’m sorry if you feel that way. I didn’t…I want this to be better, Sonny.”

“You think I like the state of affairs?” Sonny snapped. “You think I like walking on eggshells all the damn time?”

Jason exhaled slowly. “I want what’s best for all of us, but Evie comes first. I made a promise to Sam to look after her—”

“To keep her away from me.” Sonny pressed his lips together. “Did you help her take my daughter away?”

“What?” Jason demanded. “Are you accusing me of tricking you into signing those papers?” How did it always spiral like this? When had Jason lost control of the moment? He used to be able to keep Sonny calm, to keep him stable.

“I don’t know. You didn’t seem surprised when her lawyer showed up.” His lips curled back in a sneer. “It was a fait accompli according to Diane Miller. I had signed the termination papers, and she’d filed them in family court. You had legal guardianship, even though my damn name is on the birth certificate—”

“I didn’t know—I told you this then.” Jason clenched his fists. “But you didn’t want the details. You just wanted to keep everything the way it was. You and Carly were making your marriage work. Sam knew she’d be forgotten, that you would never tell Evie about her—”

“So you decided for me—”

“You decided,” Jason cut in, his teeth clenched. “I started this, but you finished it. I told you it didn’t have to be this way, but you—” He closed his eyes. “Sonny, I’m not trying to punish you, I just—you need help. You need to talk to someone—”

“I’d be fine if I weren’t surrounded by liars, by traitors,” Sonny hissed. “I used to believe in you, Jason. I used to think you had my back—”

“I told you I would always protect your family,” Jason said. He rose to his feet. “And I’m doing that. I tried to protect Michael and Morgan, but I failed. I’m protecting Evie—”

“What gives you the right to decide I’m not a fit father?” Sonny lunged to his feet, leaning over his desk with his hands flat on the surface. “What makes you the better man?”

“I don’t know that I am,” Jason replied honestly. “I know what Sam wanted. I’m doing right by her. She knew you’d never put Evie first. Never value her above Carly and the boys. And nothing you’ve done this last year has proved her wrong.” He stepped backwards toward the door. “I came here, Sonny, because I wanted to believe we could still find common ground. Because I’m—Elizabeth and I are engaged. And I wanted to tell you.”

Sonny straightened, and he swallowed hard. “You—you’re getting married. To Elizabeth.”

Jason nodded and looked away. “And this morning, when we talked about telling the people we loved, telling our family, I wanted to tell you. Because you’ve been my family longer than anyone else.” He looked back to Sonny. “You taught me about loyalty. About friendship. What I know about being a father, I learned from you.”

Sonny looked down. “You don’t feel that way now.”

“Because you’ve lost yourself to the darkness. You’re trying to hold back the crash, trying to control it, but you can’t. You need to deal with it. You need to make it stop, or you’ll never be that man again.”

“You calling me crazy?” Sonny demanded, but his voice had lost some of that heat. “You think I need a shrink?”

“I don’t know,” Jason responded. “I just know that Carly and I have been holding you together for years, but we can’t do it anymore. I’ve been trying to do it all year, but it’s not working anymore. We need to do something else.”

“And if I don’t agree with you, you’ll keep Evie from me,” Sonny said. “You think that’s not an ultimatum?”

“I want Evie to know her father,” Jason told him. “I want her to know you the way I do. But she’s just a little girl, Sonny. Sam asked me to protect her. You asked me to raise her. I’m doing the best I can.”

“I’ll take your concern under advisement, but it looks to me like you want me to say no. So you can adopt her. So maybe Elizabeth can, too. You’ll adopt her little bastard son and be one happy family,” Sonny drawled.

“Don’t—” Jason’s throat was tight. “Don’t talk about Cameron that way. Or Elizabeth. I would never let anyone talk that way about Carly or Michael. Cameron is going to be my son. The way Michael is yours—”

“And you’ve never forgiven me for that—”

“You’ve never forgiven yourself,” Jason cut in sharply. “That’s why you keep bringing it up. In your better moments, you see this as evening the score. A child for a child. Yeah, it hurt losing Michael, but once you adopted him, I knew he was somewhere safe. With someone who would love him.” He hesitated. “And he was never mine to keep.”

“Evie’s not yours either, Jason,” Sonny rounded the desk, stepping towards. “So when you’re planning your perfect life with Elizabeth, remember that. I’m her father. This situation exists because I allow it to. I could go to a judge tomorrow and get her back—”

“If that’s the way you want to handle it, that would be your prerogative.” His head throbbed and now he wished he had never walked through the door. Did he really think that he could walk in here and tell him about Elizabeth like it was the old days? Did he think Sonny would be happy for him?

“You do think you’re the better man, don’t you? Don’t you—don’t you walk away from me!”

But Jason was already walking towards the door and pulling it open.

He wouldn’t make that mistake again.

Hardy House: Living Room

Emily pulled the curtain back from the window only to have Steven slap her hand lightly. “Hey! I’m…I’m just looking!”

“You know she hates it when you spy on her,” Elizabeth’s brother said with a good-natured smile, drawing her away towards the small crowd gathered by the sofa. Audrey was passing out glasses of champagne—something she claimed she just had lying around—while Monica and Bobbie were laughing with Nikolas.

Elizabeth had called earlier that day and asked if Emily and Nikolas could join some other members of the family at her grandmother’s that evening—she and Jason had something they wanted to share.

Emily had managed—barely—not to squeal until her cell phone was back in her pocket. She had stood in the lounge at the hospital jumping up and down like a crazy banshee. Her resident in the surgical program had just eyed her suspiciously before almost running away.

And then she’d arrived to learn Jason had called Monica and Bobbie. Their mother had the hugest grin on her face as she and Bobbie chattered about hospital news. She was finally being included in Jason’s life, and Emily had every hope that if there was going to be a wedding—and of course there would be, because what else could this news be?—Jason would be inviting other members of the Quartermaines.

Reluctantly, she knew, but finally—the fractures were healing.

“They’ve been standing out there forever,” Emily huffed, taking a glass of champagne. “And if they walk in and catch us drinking this, Elizabeth is going to murder me.”

Audrey pursed her lips. “You’re right. I should have saved it for after they actually announced—” Her cheeks flushed. “I suppose I just…I got ahead of myself. It’s not as though we know for sure—”

“But what else can it be?” Bobbie asked, her eyes sparkling. “I can’t imagine them gathering us for any other reason except an engagement—” Her eyes widened. “Oh, what if she’s pregnant?”

“Oh, God. Don’t even…” Monica’s eyes misted. “Oh, that would be wonderful—”

“Whoa, whoa—” Steven said, making a timeout gesture with his hands. “Listen, crazy family of mine—let’s not have my sister pregnant and married before she walks through the door. It could be anything. Jason could be adopting Cameron, they could be moving into together.” He pointed at his grandmother. “You—put those glasses back in the kitchen.”

“Steven Lars Webber,” Audrey began.

“Why aren’t they coming in?” Emily interrupted, going back to the window. “Jason arrived almost five minutes ago. Get in here, you lousy bastards.”

“She’s just looking forward to taking the credit for this,” Nikolas told Steven. “Opportunity creator, don’t you know.”

Emily scowled at him. “You always say that like I’m crazy. You think I didn’t have a hand in this? I put Lucky and Leyla together.” She frowned at Steven. “You dating anyone?”

“Oh, hell, that is the last thing I need right now,” Steven said. “Where the hell is my sister?”

Hardy House: Outside

“I’m sorry it didn’t go so well,” Elizabeth murmured, shifting Cameron to her other hip. “I know…you were hoping…”

“It’s fine.” Jason shook his head. “I just…I think I made it worse.” He glanced back towards the house. “Emily’s peeking again.”

“Yeah, I know.” Elizabeth turned towards the window only to see the curtain fall back in place. “I’m pretty sure our engagement won’t come as a surprise to anyone. They’re probably already drinking champagne or something.”

“I wouldn’t put it past my sister,” he admitted. He nodded towards the front door. “Should we go ahead and get this over with?”

“So romantic,” she sighed, but laughed when he scowled. “I know what you mean, and I know this part drives you nuts.” Evie began to squirm in Jason’s embrace, so they started up the walk.

Elizabeth started to push the door open but Emily yanked it all the way. “Finally!” the other woman said with an exaggerated roll of her eyes. “Give me a kid—” She plucked Cameron from her grasp.

They stepped inside, and Elizabeth pursed her lips at the sight of her grandmother’s champagne glasses and the milling crowd. They couldn’t even wait for them to announce the news before they started to celebrate?

But these people loved them, and their acceptance and support meant the world to her—particularly when she knew Jason wished Sonny were here.

Monica stepped forward, nearly reaching for Evie before she stopped herself. The longing in her eyes was almost impossible to watch, but it had been Jason’s idea to include his mother and Bobbie, someone he had always been able to talk with. So Elizabeth tugged on his elbow discreetly, and Jason handed Evie to Monica.

“Oh, she’s getting so big.” Monica pressed her lips to Evie’s forehead. The seven-month-old giggled and reached for her necklace. “And her hair is darker.”

“She looks more like Sam all the time,” Elizabeth said brushing a kiss on Monica’s cheek before greeting Bobbie and her grandmother. She almost laughed at the way all their eyes were on her bare finger.

“Enough chatter!” Emily declared. “We’ve come here for a purpose—” She stopped when the weight of Jason’s glare settled on her. “And it’s your prerogative to do what you want,” she finished in a mumble, setting Cameron on his feet so he could walk unsteadily towards his great-grandmother.

Elizabeth reached for Jason’s hand, linked them. “Do you want to do it?” she asked with a grin.

Jason shrugged. “We’re getting married,” he said plainly.

The squeals from Emily nearly drowned out the rest of the room, but Bobbie and Monica were both stepping forward to hug them. Nikolas and Steven shook Jason’s hands before embracing Elizabeth—and the force of her grandmother’s hug almost lifted Elizabeth from her feet.

“Oh, my darlings!” Audrey said, her eyes bright. She released Elizabeth and stepped towards Jason, surprising him with a kiss on the cheek and a light hug. “We thought this might be the news, but I didn’t want to get my hopes up—”

“As it is, I’m not going to be able to peel my wife from the ceiling,” Nikolas said, but he was grinning with an arm around said wife. “Congratulations, both of you.”

“This…” Monica handed Evie to Bobbie and stepped towards Jason. “Thank you—for…letting me be part of this.”

“I…” Jason looked at Elizabeth briefly. “I want Cameron and Evie to have people in their lives who love them.” He leaned down to lift Cameron in his arms as the fourteen-month-old boy tugged at his jeans. “We’re…going to get the adoption papers started as soon as we can.”

“Another grandchild!” Monica beamed. “Oh…” She pressed a hand to her mouth. “Oh, your grandmother would be over the moon, Jason.” She looked at Elizabeth, and reached for her hand. “She always liked you, Elizabeth. I just know she would love this.”

“I’m just so glad Cameron and Evie are going to have so many people in their family.” Elizabeth squeezed Monica’s hand. “My parents aren’t…in my life. So I hope you’ll really consider Cameron part of yours.” She looked at Bobbie, this wonderful woman who had always stood behind her. “You, too, Bobbie. You’ve been so good to me—”

“Honey, you’d have to do something pretty terrible to get rid of me,” the redhead declared. She grinned. “Spencers are annoying like that.”

Jason frowned slightly, no doubt remembering how hard it had been for Elizabeth to eject a certain Spencer, but he just shook his head.

“Where’s the ring?” Emily demanded.

“I raised her better than this,” Monica said with a roll of her eyes. “Emily—”

“What?” Emily shrugged. “It’s a valid question—”

“We…” Elizabeth shrugged. “It was a spur of the moment decision last night. I don’t think Jason and I even knew it was on the table until there we were…engaged.” And her smile felt permanently affixed to her face. “There’s plenty of time for rings—”

“What about setting a date?” Bobbie asked. “Are you going to wait as long as these two?” She gestured towards Emily and Nikolas.

“I—” She looked at Jason who just lifted a shoulder. “We haven’t really thought about that either.”

“I think…” Steven said from across the room, with the bottle of champagne in his hands. “We should stop the interrogation and have a toast to my sister and her new fiancé.”

“That is a fantastic idea,” Audrey declared. “I already set out enough glasses—” She offered a sheepish grin as Steven began to pour. “We may have anticipated your news just a little.”

“I don’t think you can celebrate news like this too much,” Bobbie said. “Jason and Elizabeth know it’s only because we love them so much.”

“That’s what I’m told,” Jason dryly as Elizabeth elbowed him.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Later, after putting Cameron and Evie down for the night under Nora’s watchful eye, Elizabeth sat next to Jason on the sofa, her smile still stretched from ear to ear. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Not as bad getting shot, no,” Jason agreed, stretching his arm across the back of the sofa. But he was grinning at her. “You must really think I hate people for as often as you apologize for dragging me to crowded events.”

She tucked her legs underneath her, her knees pressing into his thigh. “I know you don’t even like the majority of people you actually know, much less strangers,” Elizabeth said. “So, yeah, I’m always kind of feeling bad when you do something you wouldn’t otherwise because I asked you to.”

“I liked the people in that room tonight.” Jason reached for her hand, lacing their fingers together. “Nikolas is good for my sister—she’s never been happier. I know how much your brother and grandmother mean to you—” He hesitated. “And I invited Monica and Bobbie, so how could I argue?”

“Monica looked so happy tonight,” Elizabeth mused, resting her head against the seat cushions. “I think she could have lit the entire town with that smile. She loves you so much.”

“I used…” Jason tilted his head back slightly. “I used to see her looking at me like that and I’d think…it’s not…about me. It’s for who I used to be. I didn’t think she saw me.”

“Do you still consider Jason Quartermaine to be a different person? Someone separate from you?” she asked. “I remember the way you used to talk about it…when we first met. Even though you’d use the first person, I still felt like you considered it separate.”

“I had to then.” His fingers rubbed over her skin, absently tracing patterns across her palm. “It was the only way to deal with the way people looked at me. The Quartermaines wanted me to be who I was. The doctors didn’t think I’d ever be able to live on my own.” His face tightened. “Tony Jones wanted them to take Michael from me. That I couldn’t be a fit parent because of the accident.”

“He was just angry Carly preferred you to him.” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “You were a better father to Michael then some men are to children that are actually theirs.”

“Robin helped a lot,” Jason admitted. “And mostly, I just…I read all the books that were out there. And it got easier. Because Michael—he was such a good baby…” He stopped and shook his head. “Anyway. I think Monica…she knows who I am now. And accepts my choices. Maybe she doesn’t like them, but she knows they’re mine to make.”

“Do you think you’d want to invite the rest of your family to the wedding?” she asked hesitantly. “Alan….Edward…Ned and Dillon?”

“There was a time,” Jason said slowly, “that I would have been so angry at the insinuation that they were my family—that I was part of them at all.” He looked away.

“And now?”

“And now,” Jason said, “I think I could deal with it. I used to think they lied and schemed and destroyed each other for fun. And they do that, particularly Tracy and Edward. But Ned…other than what happened to Kristina a few years ago…I’ve never had problem with him.” He frowned. “I’m not even sure I know Dillon all that well.” He looked at her. “Everyone asked for details. If we set the date, how big it was going to be—I don’t know what you want to do about that.”

“I don’t know,” she admitted. “Part of me just…” She lifted a shoulder. “I want to start our lives. To have a quiet and quick ceremony so we can just…be a family.”

“But the rest of you?” Jason asked, tilting his head. “Do you want something bigger?”

“Not huge,” Elizabeth admitted. “But I don’t know…I’d like to try something traditional for a change.” She sighed. “Maybe be engaged for a while, enjoying it. It’s the first time someone has proposed to me without being brainwashed or me being pregnant…I’d like to have that for a while.”

“As long as you’re with me, it’s not important to me,” Jason admitted. “I still want you and Cameron to move in. Here, to start with. We could start looking for something else.”

“We’ll start packing as soon as possible.” She leaned forward, brushed her lips over his. “As for the rest of it? I don’t want something like I had before. They were small ceremonies—just me…and…” She shrugged. “I’d like to wear a pretty dress, to have my brother walk me down the aisle…with Evie and Cameron. With Emily as my matron of honor.” Elizabeth sighed and looked down. “You’d hate every minute of it.”

And Sonny wouldn’t be his best man, so who would Jason have standing by him? Nikolas? A Quartermaine cousin he barely knew? It seemed preposterous to her to want a normal wedding when it might just remind him of everything he’d lost.

“Where’d you go?” he murmured, releasing her hand so he could tip her chin up. “Elizabeth? If that’s what you want—”

“I was thinking how your best man should be Sonny,” Elizabeth admitted. “How once he would have been so happy for us. He used to care about me, you know. He put guards on me when you weren’t here, and he kept me safe when I had to fake my death.” She closed her eyes. “He should be a part of all this.”

“I know.” He exhaled slowly. “I could…I could ask someone else. One of the guys who work with us. Cody. Or Francis. You know them—”

“But it’s not the same.” She shook her head. “Emily is part of my life, part of who I am. Jason, I love Evie, you know that, and my heart breaks that maybe we can’t…keep her. But I would rather Sonny raise her if it meant we had him back.” Her eyes burned and a tear slid down her cheek. “I didn’t even know how much I pictured him in our lives until I realized it wouldn’t happen—”

“Hey.” Jason tugged her towards him, wrapping his arms around her. “Hey. I’m sorry. I always forget you and Sonny were close once—”

“It’s not even that—I just didn’t let myself think about what you were losing.” She sniffled, tucking her head under his chin. “He’s your best friend, Jason. He’s part of your family. He was a brother to you—” Elizabeth lifted her head. “Can’t we just…kidnap him and force him to get help?”

“Don’t think I haven’t considered it.” Jason sighed. “I don’t know, Elizabeth. I thought the same thing earlier. I love Evie so much, I do. But he’s her father and he’d be a good one if he’d just…confront what’s inside him. I just don’t how to make it happen.”

“Maybe it’s time we start really thinking about it.” Elizabeth put her hands on his shoulders. “I want our wedding to be what’s right for both of us. And it would be right for you to have Sonny standing next to you.”

He was quiet for a moment before he rested his forehead against hers. “I don’t even know if that’s a possibility anymore.”

Well, if Jason couldn’t hold out hope for things to change, Elizabeth would have to believe enough for the both of them.

+8

Say what you wanna say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly I wanna see you be brave
– Brave, Sara Bareilles

Monday, July 11, 2005

Kelly’s: Courtyard

“There’s my brother.” Emily kissed the top of his head as she moved past him to sit across the table. “It feels like ages since I saw you.”

“Two weeks,” Jason said absently as he opened a bag of small cereal puffs and dumped it on the tray of Evie’s booster seat. “We had lunch.”

Emily dismissed that with a wave of her hand. “I meant one on one brother sister time. We’re always around other people. I can’t bug you the way I want to.” She pouted. “You ordered without me.”

Jason looked at her with some impatience. “You’re a half hour late. I was hungry.”

“I practically had to sneak out to take my lunch break. I wish I could skip the intern part and go straight through to the doctoring part.” She perused the lunch menu. “So, how’s things? Where’s Cam and Elizabeth today?”

“Elizabeth’s at her studio, so Steven took Cameron for the day.” Jason shifted. “You don’t like the hospital?”

“It’s fine, just busy, busy.” Emily glanced up and grinned. “Hey, Georgie. I swear, you never leave this place.”

“Don’t I know it,” the teenager complained. She took Emily’s order and then went back inside.

“And I saw how you sidestepped the question,” Emily said. She reached across the table for a fry. “You didn’t tell me how things were.”

“They’re fine.” He shifted again. “Actually—”

Her eyes lit up. “You’re going to ask me for advice? Fantastic. I’ve been waiting for this day my whole life—”

“We’ve only known each other half your life.”

She narrowed her eyes. “It feels like so much longer.” Emily leaned back in her chair. Brothers. “So, actually what? Finish your sentence.”

“It’s…about Elizabeth.” Jason hesitated. “I…want to ask her to move in with me.”

Holy crapola. This was the mother lode. “Into the penthouse?” Emily asked. “Because, I mean, I know the short-term stuff is fine, but…” She sighed. “Elizabeth said things…were getting a bit more tense with Sonny and Carly.”

“Yeah.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, they are. I…you know I was thinking of moving out a few months ago but decided not to in order to keep the situation from getting worse.”

“But now?” Emily prompted when her brother remained silent.

“Now Carly knows the truth, and I’ve told Sonny I don’t plan to sign away my guardianship until I’m satisfied he’s in a better place. So it’s as a good time as any to find somewhere else to live.”

“Makes complete sense.” Emily waited until Georgie set down her order and refilled Jason’s coffee cup. Once she was gone, she reached for the ketchup to dump on her fries. “So what’s the ish? Elizabeth and Cam are basically living with you as it is. You don’t think she’ll agree until you find a new place?”

“Maybe. I don’t know.” Jason shook his head. “I’ve…I’ve never asked anyone to move in with me before.”

Emily pursed her lips. “No, I guess that’s true. You and Robin just kind of fell into it, and didn’t Courtney start staying with you after Ric kidnapped her?”

“Something like that. This…with Elizabeth, it’s different. I don’t know. You’re right, I should just ask her—”

“No, I get it,” Emily held up a hand. “It’s a deliberate commitment. Plus, you have the kids. Both of them. I mean…” She cast a glance at her niece, who held out a mushy cereal puff. “No, thanks, baby. You finish it.” To Jason, she continued, “Evie’s situation is complicated, but Cameron’s a permanent fixture, no if, ands, or buts. You guys move in together, there’s a logical progression. Who are you going to be to him?”

“I’d adopt him if that’s something Elizabeth would want—”

“Nope.” Emily shook her head. “Not good enough. She’s not going to want that wishy washy kind of thing—if you want it, I’ll do it. Do it because you want it. Because you want Cameron to be part of your life.” Emily leaned forward. “Jase, it’s a big enough step when you’re not a single mother.”

“You’re right.” Jason reached for his coffee. “I want to adopt him, and I want Elizabeth with me.”

She bit into her burger with relish. God, how far they’d come since that day in December. “Have you…considered something permanent between you?” She hoped he wouldn’t close down now. “I’m not trying to nag, I know how much that annoyed you both—”

“I have,” Jason interrupted. “But I can’t ignore that we’ve both been married before. Mine was…” He pushed his half-eaten pastrami sandwich away. “I don’t know. It ended up being a mistake. But Elizabeth’s experience with Ric was so much worse.”

“That’s the truth. Slimy piece of crap. He’s lucky he’s been so good to Alexis and Kristina, or else I would have sicced Nikolas on him ages ago.” Emily sipped her soda. “So bad marriages all around. It’s not like I don’t get that. I married someone because it seemed like a good idea and then I broke his heart in the worst way possible.” She pressed her lips together. “I know what’s it like to be scared of the future because of what came before.”

She sighed and twisted her wedding ring on her finger. “And it’s not something to think about lightly, that’s for sure. But Jason, when it’s right, it’s right.” She closed her eyes, remembering that incredible day six weeks earlier. “There’s something about standing there with each other, in front of the people you love, and making that promise. It means something.” She opened her eyes and focused on Jason. “I know you didn’t always see it that way, that it was just some paperwork—”

“I know it’s more now. I just….it’s only been a few weeks—”

“Time is relative, Jase. Are you going to tell me there’s something about Elizabeth that would change your mind in another six months?” She tilted her head. “Or is it because of the situation with Sonny and Carly that you’re still hesitating?”

“It’s a factor,” Jason admitted. “I don’t know, Emily. I just have to think about it some more.”

“Hey, you’ve been doing something right so far,” Emily told him. “Just follow your instincts.”

Corinthos Penthouse: Bedroom

Carly removed her diamond earrings and placed them in the velvet lined drawer of her jewelry box. Across the room, she watched as Sonny methodically and silently removed his suit and changed into the silk pajamas he wore to bed.

They had not spoken about their argument the week before—he had spent a great deal of time at the warehouse, she at her club. When they had spoken, it had been about the boys.

That ended now.

“Have you spoken to Jason?” she asked.

He glanced over at her, his dark eyes unreadable in the shadows of their bedroom. “Yes.”

She pursed her lips when he said nothing more. Why must everything be so goddamn push and pull? Didn’t he understand she couldn’t fix a goddamn thing if no one ever told her the fucking truth?

“I suppose that means nothing is going to change.” She twisted on the vanity seat to look at him directly. “That he’ll retain custody.”

“For now.”

His short answers were only stoking her ire. Of course he blamed her when she damn well knew the root of the problem was Sonny himself. If he had just trusted her, they could have avoided this.

If he had kept his filthy hands off that whore, none of this would be happening.

She turned back and reached for her cold cream. Another approach was necessary, she could see this now. She had tried to talk to Jason before without any change. If Sonny had been rebuffed in his attempts to regain custody of his daughter, then Jason had no intention of doing the right thing.

And why the hell wasn’t Jason trying to help make this situation go away? He was with that simpering little twit and her bastard. He had a family; he knew keeping Evie was destroying Sonny. What the hell was the hold up?

Didn’t he understand he held the cards?

Or maybe Sonny hadn’t pushed enough. Surely, Jason would relent if Sonny just pushed. How to make that happen?

She applied the cream to her face, slowly massaging the lotion into her skin. “Was it Jason’s idea to change the results of the paternity test or yours?” she asked.

Sonny sighed. “Carly, I don’t—”

“I think we should talk about how it happened,” Carly asked. She dabbed some of the cream into the delicate surface under her eyes. “The only way we’re going to have a fresh start for our marriage or for our boys is if we do this. I don’t want it to fester like it has for a year.”

Her husband sat on the bed, a newspaper in his hands. “I—I didn’t know he was going to do it until he did it.”

As Carly had suspected. She nodded. “Did…you think it might be the truth?”

“I wondered,” Sonny admitted. “Until I realized he and Courtney hadn’t separated at the time it would have happened. He wouldn’t have done that to my sister.” He clenched his hands. “Even though he’s been pretty damn quick to forget her.”

“I…should have dealt with it better, Sonny,” Carly said, though she didn’t think her actions had been nearly as bad as his. She’d been shot in the head—hadn’t she forgiven that? Did no one remember what she’d been through? “I just…I was hurt. I lashed out. I don’t…know if I meant what I said about the boys.”

She’d meant every word of it and had intended to use Alexis’s secret to destroy him in court, but that wasn’t important now.

“Well, I took you for your word.” Sonny stood, crossed to the window that overlooked the city. “I thought…I’d use the summer to figure out how to fix things.”

There was more to this story, but Carly knew he would never tell her and if it reflected badly on Sonny, it was unlikely to come from Jason either.

They were always more loyal to one another than they were to her. Men. They all stuck together.

“And when Sam died?” Carly murmured. She set the tub of cold cream down and slowly began to draw her brush through her blonde hair. “Why didn’t it come out then?”

“Sam…tricked me into terminating my parental rights,” Sonny said through clenched teeth. “I thought I was signing a trust for Evie. Instead, she took them away and created a will that left guardianship to Jason in the event of her death.”

Carly smirked. If she didn’t hate that whore so much, she might admire the tactic. A woman scorned had scorched him right back. Served him right.

It was easy to see this from Sam’s side of it. She’d been used, tossed away, foisted on Jason. Sonny had returned to his family. Why should she make it easy on the bastard who discarded her?

There was a certain poetry, a certain sense of innate justice that Carly respected.

That didn’t change the way of the world.

“I’m surprised Jason upheld it after she was gone.” Carly set her brush down and twisted to the side to look at his dark form at the end of the room. “That he didn’t take the opportunity to walk away from it. I can’t imagine it was easy on him, with what happened to Michael.”

“We believed you’d take the boys and fight me in court.” Sonny shifted and turned to look at her. “He was protecting the boys from that. Protecting Evie from…” His voice faltered, and he just shook his head.

“From being raised by a woman who loathed the woman who bore her.” Carly narrowed her eyes. What a high opinion these men had of her. She would have adapted to the situation. Maybe she never would have loved Evie the way she did Michael and Morgan, but she could separate the daughter from the mother.

And even if she didn’t fully believe that, what gave them the right to decide that for her? To take away her chance to prove herself?

They didn’t trust her, didn’t even give her a damn chance. She was almost tempted to prove them right. Call Alexis, demand Sonny be raked over the coals for his affairs, for his lies.

But that didn’t serve her purpose. Her children deserved their place in life, and if Carly had to sacrifice her self-respect to gain it for them, that’s exactly what she’d do.

“You didn’t give me much choice, Carly—”

“It sounds like Jason didn’t give you much of one either,” Carly said. “Decided to take responsibility, stood aside while Sam tricked you…” She shook her head. “I wonder if the rumors were true. If maybe he fell for her. She probably batted her whore eyes at him, wanted to raise her baby with him. He’s rich, single, and loves children. Perfect target.”

Sonny didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Are you saying you think Jason helped her trick me?”

“No.” But Carly made sure to hesitate.

The only way to get Evie in this penthouse, the only way to assuage Sonny’s guilt was to make him go after Evie.

And if Jason wanted to stop her from fixing all their problems, well then maybe he deserved what he got.

“And even if he did, you know it was just to protect you.” Carly raised an eyebrow. “You know he’d do anything to protect you.” She paused. “Anything he deemed necessary.”

Her stomach twisted as she looked back into her vanity mirror, into her own reflection because she knew the rules of the game she was playing and it didn’t entirely sit right with her.

She was selling Jason down the river in Sonny’s eyes, putting the weight of the blame on him. It couldn’t stay on her, not if she wanted to preserve her marriage.

And really, as much as she loved Jason, as much as she knew his heart had been in the right place, it was his fault. He’d decided he knew what was best without consulting either of them.

Turning Sonny against Jason had not been her first choice, but Jason had set the board; all the moves had been his. Sonny had only reacted to them, leaving Carly entirely out of the equation.

She was done being a pawn. It was time to remind them that somewhere inside Carly Corinthos lurked Caroline Benson.

A woman with a plan.

Morgan Penthouse: Bedroom

She was still trembling when Jason leaned down, brushed his lips against hers, her fingers laced through his hair. “Why does it always seem to get better?” she murmured, trying to get her breath.

“I don’t know.” Jason rolled to his side slightly and tucked her against him. “But it does.”

“I love you.” She closed her eyes, her fingers tracing small patterns on his damp chest. “Not just for your body, though.”

She felt more than heard the laugh roll through him. “Well, that’s good.”

They laid in comfortable silence for a while longer, as they often did on the nights she spent at his penthouse—which, in the last month, had been more often than she was at home.

She knew Cameron and Evie were asleep at the other end of the hall in a room that had easily adapted to another crib, dresser, and several more toys more suited for a growing boy with their nanny in the adjoining room.

“You know what’s freaking me out?” she asked. Before he could respond, she continued. “This is the happiest I can remember being in years.” She lifted her head to rest her chin on his arm so she could look at him. “Everything about this feels right.”

“It does,” he agreed, his fingers sifting through her hair. “And…I’ve been happy, too. I-I love you so much.” And though the words felt slightly stilted, even forced, she knew they weren’t false. He was a man who often found it difficult to express himself.

Which made the moments when he did so much better.

“I just want it to last forever,” she admitted, closing her eyes.

“Maybe—maybe it can.”

Her eyes flew open, and she pulled herself to a sitting position, tugging the sheet over her breasts. “What?”

“I—” Jason cleared his throat and also sat up, his face only partially visible in the moonlight that filtered through the blinds at the window. “I mean…we could…you could be here. Um, more.” He took a deep breath. “All the time.”

“Like…live with you,” Elizabeth clarified, her heart racing. “Jason…I—”

“I know it’s only been a few weeks,” he interrupted. “And maybe it’s too soon, but I just…” He looked around, and even though the room was darkened, she saw his gaze touch on the dresser littered with her jewelry, her makeup. The half-open closet door that housed a few suits, but more of her clothes.

“I mean, I’m already…here most of the time.” Elizabeth shifted. “My grandmother is always…” She licked her lips. “She’s always joking with me that I—I just come in for my mail.”

“I know.” Jason switched on the table lamp. “I don’t want to rush you or move too fast—”

“It’s been almost six years since we met,” she murmured, “I don’t think moving too fast is something we can be accused of.” She dragged one hand through her hair. “Okay. I mean, it’s…one thing for Cam and I to spend the nights, but you know he’s got a ton of stuff at Gram’s. I mean, he’d live here.”

“He kind of already does,” Jason told her. “If—if it’s me you’re worried about with him—”

“No.” God, she was making this more complicated than she had to. “I just…if we live together, Jason, it’s just…a thing to consider. About…our kids.” She twisted her fingers in her lap. “I love you, and I want you to be important to my son. I just…I have…to be cautious.”

“I know.” Jason tilted his head. “But what’s really wrong? Is it really about Cam?”

“I just…I’m just scared,” she admitted. “We’ve been so careful this time, Jason. And we’ve done everything right. And it’s been perfect. I mean, Sonny and Carly are not a factor in this, I promise. Because that problem exists whether we live together or not, so it’s not about that. It’s…about changing things.” She bit her lip to keep it from trembling.

“Sometimes,” she continued, softly, “we don’t always do well with change.”

“Like the last time we sort of lived together,” Jason responded. “When Sonny was going through…something like this, and I chose his well-being over being honest with you.”

“If we’re going to simplify it, maybe. I mean, it’s different now. We…we’re in a different place, and we’re different people, but…” She scrubbed a hand over her face. “I don’t know how to explain it.”

“I want us to be a family,” Jason said. “I-I want to adopt Cameron.”

Her head snapped up at that. “Jason—”

“A-And if I adopt Evie, then I’d want you to adopt her, too.”

Holy crap. “You want to…” Her throat was tight, she pressed a fist to her mouth. “You want to adopt my son. And…you…want me to adopt Evie.”

“We-we could get married, if you’d feel better about it that way—”

The room spun for a moment, and she swallowed hard. “Jason, I don’t want you to say that because you think it’s what I want—”

“I want to be with you,” he interrupted. “To be a family with you.” He paused. “I didn’t…used to think that marriage was part of that. I thought it was just…paperwork. Something people did to make themselves feel better.”

Oh my God, this was really happening to her. “Jason—”

“But I know it’s about more than that.” He glanced away for a moment, then looked back at her. “It’s about making promises to one another. I…want to make them to you.”

Her heart was going to fly right out of her chest, she just knew it. “Jason…” She reached for his hand. “Are—is this a proposal? Are…” A tear slid down her cheek. “Are you asking me to marry you?”

“Maybe I should—it should be a different way. I—I don’t have a ring—”

“That’s not important to me.” She swiped at her tears and crawled into his lap. “Are we getting engaged? Is this what’s happening?”

His lips curved into a slow grin as he brought her clasped hands to his lips. “Yeah. So you’ll marry me?”

She beamed. “Hell yes!” And then proceeded to punctuate a series of yeses with kisses to his cheeks, his lips, and anywhere else she could reach.

Elizabeth Webber was going to marry Jason Morgan, and no one on this planet was going to stop her.

+10

Catch the wheel that breaks the butterfly
I cried the rain that fills the ocean wide
I tried to talk with God to no avail
Calling Him in and out of nowhere
Said if You won’t save me, please don’t waste my time
— Falling Down, Oasis

Thursday, July 7, 2005

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny’s hand tightened around the tumbler in his fingers. “Say that again,” he said softly.

“Sonny, I know Evie is your daughter.”

Yes, those were the words but somehow, he still couldn’t quite understand them. Couldn’t make them register in his brain. Carly knew Evie was his daughter.

“What—” His tongue felt too thick, the words wouldn’t form. Sonny turned to look at his wife, at the mother of his children, for whom he had sacrificed so much.

Her face was blank, but her eyes were dark. “I’ve always known.”

His chest clenched, and Sonny set down the tumbler, terrified he might throw it.

“I was content to let the situation stand,” Carly continued, standing so utterly still he scarcely recognized her. “I didn’t want any reminders of that time in our home, and that’s all Evie would be. Before Sam died, it just…it made sense to keep it going. Jason is an amazing father—” She pursed her lips and broke eye contact. “And after Sam died, when you still did nothing to change it, I said nothing. Because it was for the best.”

God. God. Everything he’d done to protect her from the knowledge had been for nothing. He’d moved her back into his home, had abandoned Sam and the feelings he’d felt for her—so that he could protect Carly and the boys.

And it had been for nothing.

“And now?” Sonny managed to say.

“You’re…so unhappy, Sonny.” Carly clasped her fingers in front of her. “I know it’s the guilt over Evie. And I know Jason wouldn’t even consider changing the arrangement as long as he believed that I was in the dark.”

“So what, you think it’s that simple?” Sonny choked off a bitter chuckle and tossed down the entire tumbler of bourbon. “Hey, Jason, that little girl you’ve raised for eight months as your daughter? I want her back now. Forget all the things we said, the promises. Carly has decided it’s okay.”

Carly pressed her lips together and took a moment to respond. “I’m…not blind to Jason’s difficulty. And that it’s particularly painful considering the position I put him in with Michael all those years ago, but I…did not ask him to do this.”

“Didn’t you?” Sonny bit out. He stalked away from her, towards the kitchen. Towards the window. Towards anywhere that wasn’t Carly. “Every time you called him, every time you begged him to fix your problems, you don’t think you trained him to jump? You didn’t even have to ask.”

“He was protecting the boys, and I’m ashamed of that, Sonny.” Carly planted her hands on her hips, her eyes accusing now. “But I’m not the one who started this. You moved that whore into our home and then moved her across the hall. Jason just stepped in where you wouldn’t. No one forced you to continue the lie. The slut is dead, Sonny, and still you left your daughter across the hall. You’re going to blame that entirely on me?”

No. And wasn’t that the fucking tragedy? He’d loved to cast the blame entirely at Carly’s feet. But he’d been just culpable. He had driven Sam to such desperate measures.

Bitch. Tricked him. Played right into Jason’s hands—

No. Sonny dipped his head. No. He had told Sam over and over again in every way except words that she and their daughter were not as important as his family with Carly.

Sam believed him, so she’d found someone who would love Evie the way she deserved.

“Sonny, we can’t let this continue,” Carly said. “If you are ever going to be in your daughter’s life, now is the time to step up. Yes, this is going to be horrible for Jason, and I am truly sorry. But I never told him to do this. I waited, didn’t I? I waited until he wasn’t alone—”

“You’re a fucking calculating bitch, you mean.” Sonny whirled to face her. “You mean you waited until Elizabeth looked like she was going to stick around this time. Her and her son. That’s the bullshit you were spouting a few months ago. You think that her kid can replace Evie.”

Carly huffed and looked away, but that was it, wasn’t it? In her head, Jason had planned a family with Sam and Evie, so Elizabeth and Cam were almost the same thing.

“You think people are replaceable?” he snarled. “You think making sure Jason had another kid in his life would make up for losing one?”

God, what a terrifying thing to learn about the woman to whom you’d sworn yourself to. What kind of life would Evie have with her? Would she ever be more than Sam’s daughter?

He’d known all long that he’d have to choose between a marriage to Carly and a life as Evie’s father, but it was so much more complicated than that. If he walked away from Carly, he ran the risk of losing Michael and Morgan. Morgan he could fight for, but maybe Carly would keep Michael from him. They would always be in the middle, and Evie would grow up, maybe blaming herself.

No, to protect Michael and Morgan, to do right by Evie, he had to walk away.

His guilt didn’t change things. Carly’s knowledge just made the situation…less complicated.

“Do you think I’d bring that little girl into a home with you?” Sonny said, his voice almost conversational. “Do you think I’d subject her to that?”

Carly’s nostrils flared. “What the hell does that mean?”

“It means exactly that. You’re a decent enough mother to Michael and Morgan, but that’s because they’re yours.” He shrugged and turned towards the window, looking out over the Port Charles skyline. “I don’t know if you could ever love Evie that way.”

“I could,” Carly said. “I-I wasn’t sure at first, but I know I could. You just…you never gave me a chance, Sonny. You lied to me over and over again.”

“I had to.”

“To hell with that!” Her voice rose. “To hell with that, Sonny Corinthos! You never gave me a chance! Never! You shot me in the fucking head and then were surprised when I didn’t immediately leap back into your life!”

He turned back to her. “Carly—”

“You’ve been punishing me for years now,” she seethed. “I was kidnapped, held hostage, electrocuted, shot in the goddamn head during delivery and you think I should have calmly accepted your affair with that piece of trash? Calmly accepted your bastard child? You’re so goddamn delusional.” Her chest was heaving now, her face flushed. “But I could have. I could have calmed down. I could have done so much if you’d given me the chance, but instead you wrote me off. And now you’re angry because I never fucking believed your lie?”

Sonny hesitated. There was something in her words that dug at him, because they were true, and he could see them. He could feel her desperation, her own unhappiness. “Carly—”

She shook her head. “For better or worse, Sonny. That’s what marriage is. I’m not walking away because it’s hard right now. We have two children together. We can do better.”

He stepped towards her. “I don’t know if that’s true—”

“I do.” Carly swiped at a tear with her thumb. “We just…have to resolve this situation with Evie. Jason—he should know that I know the truth. You know he’ll do what he can to help. That’s why he did all this, isn’t it?”

Sonny nodded and looked away. “I’ll tell him you know, but anything else…that’s between Jason and me.”

She nodded. “All right.” She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and looked at him. “For what it’s worth, I’m glad this is in the open now, Sonny. We…we can only get better from here.”

As Carly ascended the stairs, Sonny shook his head. He’d kept his temper, had not felt the walls caving in, but that didn’t mean anything. Arguing with Carly rarely…invited the darkness. Carly rarely expected him to be anyone than the man in front of her.

It was the rest of the world he couldn’t control.

Friday, July 8, 2005

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Emily dropped her tote on the ground and took the seat across from Elizabeth. “It should not have taken us nearly a month to meet without boys around,” she complained, reaching across to steal a fry from Elizabeth’s plate.

Elizabeth sighed and leaned back. “I know. Between your summer schedule at the hospital, the kids, painting…”

“And Jason,” Emily responded with a beaming smile. “I’m totally cool with you taking time to get that relationship grounded. You guys needed some solo time…Georgie! Just the girl I’ve been dying to see. I need a BLT, fries and the largest soda you can get me. Stat.”

“You’ll get it when Don finishes it and not a minute sooner,” Georgie said, scrawling the order on her pad. “You’re not in the hospital.” She glanced at Elizabeth. “You need a refill?”

“Please.” Once Georgie had left, Elizabeth leaned forward. “So…Jason’s going to try to talk to Sonny today.”

Emily paused, another fry in her fingers. “About Evie?”

“Yeah.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “I had an odd conversation with Carly, and I just…I have such a bad feeling, Em. You know that Jason and I have suspected she’s known the truth for months.”

“I know, which never bodes well for my brother.” Emily wrinkled her nose. “I wonder what she’s up to. I’ve been doing some reading on the symptoms I’ve noticed in Sonny—” She paused as Georgie set down their drinks.

“What do you think?”

“Oh, it’s likely bipolar, I mean there’s nothing surprising there, but it’s all about which kind, you know?” Emily sipped soda. “So I talked to a psychiatrist at the hospital, Lainey Winters. I told her about the lightning quick mood changes, the long periods of calm mixed with huge explosions. I also suggested some paranoid tendencies because knowing Sonny as long as I have, he definitely leans that way.”

“What did Lainey say?” Elizabeth asked, swirling her chili in her bowl. “Does she have any ideas what we should do?”

“Well, she suggested that the subject in question may be suffering from mixed bipolar disorder, which is like experiencing the symptoms rapidly. It explains that scene at the hospital, where Sonny was calm, even embarrassed by Carly one minute, and then lost it on you the next.” Emily dumped some ketchup on her plate. “Lainey suggested I get my friend into treatment ASAP to correctly diagnose him and offer medication.”

“Well, that’s what Jason is going to talk to him about.” Elizabeth tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear. “If Sonny doesn’t seek treatment by the time Evie turns one, Jason will go ahead and petition for adoption.”

Emily pursed her lips. “He’s giving Sonny an ultimatum? I—I’m not sure if that’s the best idea, Liz. I mean, the thing about Sonny is he’s super paranoid and controlling on a normal basis. Any challenge to that, if he’s even close to a breaking point in the cycle could be bad.”

“Well, what are we supposed to do, Emily?” Elizabeth sighed, pushing her plate aside. “We can’t live like this. How can we put a future together? Evie needs stability, and if Jason is her father, then I—” She stopped and looked away.

“I get it. You and Jason are blending your lives together. You’ve got a son without a father, he’s technically got a daughter without a mother. Anyone who doesn’t know the circumstances, you just adopt each other’s kids and move on.” Emily shrugged. “But you guys are paralyzed, because I don’t know if Jason ever really saw himself adopting Evie. Or having a relationship where he’d be planning for permanence.”

“Well, I don’t know about permanence,” Elizabeth said, twisting her fingers in her lap. “I didn’t say anything about that. I mean, it’s just—I spend a lot of time with her, and I know it’s going to break my heart if we lose—I mean, if Jason loses custody—not to mention what it will do to him—”

“Elizabeth, it’s me you’re talking to. And you know it stays between us.”

“Em…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “I’m terrified. For Jason. For myself. For Evie. And even Sonny. What if…what if Carly never believed it?”

“You mean, what if Carly’s been manipulating the situation from the getgo?” Emily leaned back in her chair and waited a moment. “Well, then we’re all fucked. Because if Carly’s dropping hints—”

“It’s more than that. I think…I think she’s starting to blame Jason for not finding a better way to fix this,” Elizabeth admitted. “Like, she was okay with it as long as it looked like her marriage would be okay. And I don’t know, if Sam hadn’t died, it would be different. Maybe the grief and guilt Sonny has wouldn’t be feeding into this problem he has. But now that it’s destroying Sonny, I think she looks at Evie as a solution.”

“A solution that Jason should be offering,” Emily finished. “And the longer he puts off fixing this situation, the more desperate she’ll get. Christ, Elizabeth. What do you think she’s capable of if she turns against Jason?”

“I don’t know. She’s never come this close before. I mean, yeah, she’s destroyed his life with Michael and Robin, then sleeping with Sonny.” Elizabeth bit her lip. “But Jason was collateral damage in those situations. If Carly decides Jason is the enemy?” She shook her head. “I don’t know. The last time she declared war like that was Robin.”

“And before that, her mother. Carly’s capable of a lot of destruction when she wants something.” Emily hesitated. “Have you talked to Jason about this?”

“Yeah. I’m not sure how much he buys my theory. You know, despite it all, he still has such a blind spot for Sonny and Carly. I mean, Sonny, I get that. He…” Elizabeth paused. “He told me once that Sonny taught him half of everything he knows, and that Robin taught him the rest of it. That’s who Sonny is to Jason. No matter what happens, Jason will always look for that in him.”

“That loyalty has never been deserved,” Emily muttered.

“But I don’t understand the blindness for Carly. I get that she’s Michael’s mother, but at some point…when does that stop being an excuse?” Elizabeth huffed. “I mean, how much damage does Carly have to do before Jason gets it? Carly’s out for Carly. Why doesn’t he see that?”

“I guess you’d have to be around during the accident,” Emily said after a long moment. She bit into her burger and swallowed. “When Jason woke up, the doctors told us his brain damage meant he’d never be normal. Everyone looked at him like some kind of…damaged person. He’d never be Jason Quartermaine again. They saw him as something that needed to be fixed. Something broken, not capable of real human emotion.” Her voice thickened. “And it used to make me so mad when they’d just describe him as brain damaged, like he wasn’t worth it.”

“I know, I used to see the way Taggart went after him,” Elizabeth murmured. “Talked down to him, like he was a child who didn’t get it. I hated it. I used to flip on Taggart for it.”

“Carly—she never saw him that way, you know?” Emily tilted her head. “She always saw him as a man. Even more, someone capable of fixing her problems. Even Robin, as much as I adored her and know how good she was for Jason for a long time, she never got past the part where Jason didn’t need constant lessons. Carly—for all her faults—never saw him as a student.”

“I guess. But still. I just…I don’t know. Could Carly turn Sonny against Jason?” Elizabeth asked. “I’d like to believe that even in the worst of his moods, Sonny would see that Jason cares for him, would do anything for him.”

“I know, Liz.” Emily set her burger down. “But the thing is? If Sonny does have this disorder, when he’s in the deepest, darkest part of this cycle, he might not see Jason as a friend, but rather someone challenging him. If Sonny doesn’t get treatment, if Carly decides this is all Jason’s fault, I don’t like where we’re going with this.”

“So should Jason not talk to Sonny?” Elizabeth asked. “Because it’s my fault. I pushed him to do something—”

“I can’t answer that. I can say that I think Evie’s better off where she is. I think you guys should go ahead and adopt her, or at least Jason should.” Emily tapped her fingers against her scrub-clad thigh. “Carly’s toxic. She’ll always be in Sonny’s life because of the boys. The further away Evie is, the better we all are. Jason told me about Sam, about the way she pleaded with him.”

“I think that’s what really holds him back. He could have found a different resolution months ago. Could have challenged Carly on her knowledge.” Elizabeth reached for her iced tea. “But he knew what Sam wanted for her daughter.”

“And Sam’s wishes should count for something. Sonny only wants Evie on his terms. She’s just a baby, Elizabeth, and she deserves the best the world can give her. I don’t see that being Sonny or Carly.”

“I just…can’t see an end point to this.” Elizabeth sighed. “But I also refuse to let it rule my life. I’m going to go forward. I love being with Jason, I love my career. There’s a lot going right. I just…one day at a time.”

“Not sure what else you can do.”

Hardy Home: Living Room

Steven knelt on the floor and reached under the sofa. “Gram, what does the other shoe look like?”

“Honestly.” Audrey sighed from across the room. “It’s a white flat. This is not difficult—” She stopped as Steven drew back, a pill bottle in his hand. “What…what is that?”

“Heart medication.” Steven looked at her. “In your name, Gram. What’s…going on?”

“I’m sure I don’t know how that got under there.” She strode forward and reached for it, but Steven held it back.

“Gram. I know this medication.” Steven rose to his feet. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing—” Audrey stopped and closed her eyes. “Okay. I have a minor heart condition, but it’s treatable. I’ve been in good health since I was diagnosed in January—”

“January?” Steven repeated. He handed her the medication. “What is this minor condition and why don’t I know about it?”

“I didn’t want to worry anyone. It’s mitral stenosis—just an issue with my heart valve,” she explained. “And I just knew you and your sister would be worried when it’s really not your concern—”

“So Elizabeth doesn’t know either?” Steven nodded. “Well, that’s going to change.” He reached for his cell phone, but Audrey reached out to grab his hand. “Gram—”

“No, I don’t…want to burden her. She’s been so happy these last few weeks, Steven. Please.”

“Are you never going to tell her?” Steven demanded. “She would be heartbroken if you said nothing—”

“I’ll tell her, but it’s just…I like seeing her happy.” Audrey took his hand in hers. “Don’t you?”

“No, Gram, don’t pull that on me—” But Steven sighed and nodded. “Fine. For now. But don’t keep pushing this, Gram. Elizabeth will handle this. She’s a strong woman, and she’s got Jason to /back her up now.”

“Soon, Steven, I promise.” Audrey paused. “Now, if you don’t mind, could you find my other shoe?”

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Jason hesitated just over the threshold of the office, waiting for his partner to raise his eyes from some paperwork and notice him.

It was a conversation almost a year in the making, but Jason still wasn’t sure how to go about it. But he knew that putting it off would just add to the tension shadowing his life. It had crept into his relationship with Elizabeth—not in a way that would damage it, he knew. But her worry and her concern for him would only increase the longer they drew this out.

“Jason.” Sonny leaned back. “I wasn’t expecting you today.”

The other man’s eyes looked relatively clear, but Jason knew that was deceptive. Even if he was in control this moment, there was no guarantee it would last.

“Yeah, I know, there’s just something we have to talk about.” Jason closed the door behind him and took a seat in front of Sonny. “Sonny, I think Carly knows the truth. About Evie.”

Sonny stared at for a long moment and then nodded. “I…was going to call you later when I knew how to—she admitted it last night.”

Jason frowned. “What? Why?”

“She said she was tired of the lies. We had a pretty bad argument.” Sonny sighed. “And she made me see how little credit I gave her. That I took her at her word about how she’d react to Evie, and started to lie. She wanted a clean slate.”

“O-Okay,” Jason said after a pause. “I was contacted by family services earlier this month.” He rubbed his hands on his denim-clad thighs. “After a year of guardianship, I’m eligible to adopt Evie. They wanted to ask about a possible petition.”

Sonny merely blinked, but his breathing picked up. “I—I don’t know what to do with that, Jason. You’ve admitted you have no intention of signing custody back to me. I-I’m not even sure doing so would be a good idea at this point.” He closed his eyes. “At the same time, knowing that I abandoned my flesh and blood…it doesn’t sit right with me.”

“I know.” Jason waited. “It was never my intention to deprive you of having Evie. But…it just happened that way. You—you weren’t stepping up. And Sam…she was terrified of the way Carly would treat Evie. I…didn’t have a choice, Sonny.”

Sonny slowly shook his head. “You always had a choice, Jason. Don’t pretend differently. You could have insisted I take custody—leave you out of it. You chose not to.”

Which was technically true, but something in Jason rebelled at having to force a man to take care of his own child. Being with Evie, with Cameron now…he couldn’t imagine giving them up. Didn’t Evie deserve better than that? So yeah, Jason had had a choice, and he couldn’t quite bring himself to regret the one he’d made.

“If you want to change the situation now,” Sonny continued, “we can discuss the best way to do so. Maybe Carly can spend time with Evie—”

“I—” Jason closed his mouth. “No, that’s not…Sonny, I’m not signing over the guardianship. Not now anyway.”

Sonny furrowed his brow, his lips thinned. “Excuse me?”

“You need…you need to talk to someone,” Jason told him. “You’ve been riding on the edge for months now, maybe a lot longer that. We both know it’s getting worse. You’ve gone after Elizabeth, after me—because you think we’re replacing you in Evie’s life. I can’t…I love her, Sonny.”

“Who, Elizabeth?” Sonny licked his lips. “So? I’ll knock it off. Jason—”

“Yes, Elizabeth, but I meant Evie. I can’t…let her go into a situation where I’m not sure she’ll be okay. And right now, Sonny, I can’t do it.”

Sonny just stared at him. “So that’s it? You’re keeping my daughter.”

“If you haven’t worked on this, if you haven’t gone for treatment by the time Evie turns one…” Jason rose to his feet. “I’ll petition for adoption. I can’t put her life on hold, and I won’t put mine on hold anymore—”

“I don’t see you doing much waiting around,” Sonny returned blandly. “You managed to convince Elizabeth to give you another chance. What life have you put on hold for me?”

“The one where I’m comfortable asking Elizabeth for something more permanent. It’s bad enough I might lose Evie, but I won’t let her fall in love with Evie as her mother only to watch someone take her away.”

“But if I got help,” Sonny said, adding stress on the word help that told Jason everything he needed to know about his feeling on the subject, “You’d be willing to change the custody arrangement.”

“Because it’s the right thing to do for everyone,” Jason said. “You know it couldn’t go on forever the way we were doing it. Now…it’s on the table.”

“I’ll take your suggestion under advisement,” the other man retorted. “Is that everything?”

“Yeah.” Jason nodded. “Yeah.”

He left, but hadn’t made it more than a few steps before he heard glass crashing in the room he’d just vacated.

+7

When the cloud in the sky starts to pour
And your life is just a storm you’re braving
Don’t tell yourself you can’t lean on someone else
Cause we all need saving sometimes
– We All Need Saving, Jon McLaughlin

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth glanced at the clock on the mantel and winced. She fastened her earring as she slid her feet into her heels. “I’m going to be so late.”

Nora set Evie on the playmat behind the armchair then straightened. “I thought your meeting with your agent wasn’t for another hour.”

“Yeah…” Elizabeth crossed the room and retrieved her portfolio where she’d stowed it the night before in Jason’s office. “But I still have to pack up Cam, drop him at my grandmother’s before I can meet him at the Grille.”

Nora pursed her lips. “Ms. Webber, did I do something to annoy you?”

“What?” Elizabeth blinked. She set the portfolio on the ground. “Why?”

Nora gestured towards the mat where Cam sat, tugging toys from the basket she kept there. “He can stay with me, Ms. Webber. I’m here with Evie anyway.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “But you’re her nanny, I mean I know you watched him in New York—”

“But you’ve refused to let me since you and Mr. Morgan started dating.” Nora crossed her arms. “You’re always dropping him with your brother or grandmother. Did…did I do something wrong? I mean, if you don’t like me—”

“Nora, if I had a problem with you watching my son, why would you think I wouldn’t say anything to Jason?” Elizabeth tilted her head. “You’re fantastic with Evie. But I don’t pay you, Jason does. I don’t want you or him to think I’d take advantage of that arrangement. Cam and I…we’ve got our own thing—”

“Ms. Webber, if I could be real for a second here.” Nora held up a hand. “Mr. Morgan pays me an insane amount to hang out with Evie the few hours a day he’s not here. In fact, I’ve been praising the heavens you guys are together since he actually leaves the house at night. I mean, I barely earn the money I make, which is fine, but seriously. One more kid, who’s as awesome as Cam, is not taking advantage.” She shrugged. “Plus, you’re here so much—”

“I mean, I guess it hadn’t really occurred to me,” Elizabeth said. “I…just…I don’t know. I guess in my head, it’s one thing for Jason to hire a nanny, but…” She lifted a shoulder.

“It’s a mom thing.” Nora nodded. “You don’t work full-time like Mr. Morgan, so why would you bother with a nanny instead of baby-sitters as needed. Totally get it. We talked about this kind of stuff in my gender studies class all the time—”

At Elizabeth’s blank look, she explained. “I’m a part-time college student, that’s why I had Mondays off last semester. Anyway, it’s like this societal pressure on a mother. Gender stereotypes.”

“Um. I guess.” Elizabeth scratched her brow. “I mean I guess we could talk about it, but—”

“Let me make your life easier today by keeping Cam.” Nora shrugged. “We can work out any particulars later, but I can assure you I’m already basically overpaid.”

“Hmmm…” Elizabeth rested her hands on her hips. Nora might not realize it, but Jason overpaid her to ensure loyalty and to compensate for guards and security inconveniences.

Still, Nora was already here and Cam liked her. What could it hurt to allow the woman to watch him?

“All right.” She leaned down to brush a kiss on Cameron’s head. “Bye, baby. Be good for Nora.” She paused and then brushed a kiss to Evie’s cheek. “I’ll see you both later.”

Evie grinned at her, and held out a red truck with both her chubby hands. Elizabeth laughed and pressed the button to make the sirens wail. She giggled and then threw the truck.

“Thanks, Nora,” Elizabeth hefted the portfolio in her hand and left.

If she’d waited five minutes longer, she could have avoided the blonde woman waiting for the elevator. She turned to Milo who just shrugged and joined his brother Max who stood next to Carly.

Carly glanced at her as the doors opened. “Elizabeth,” she said stiffly. She glanced at the portfolio. “An art thing?”

The almost pleasant tone took Elizabeth aback for a minute, so she was slow to step onto the elevator. “Oh, yeah. A meeting with my agent.”

Carly nodded and folded her arms. They were both quiet as the elevator slipped from the fifteenth floor to the thirteenth. Carly cleared her throat. “So I guess things are good with Jason.”

Elizabeth glanced at her from the corner of her eyes. “They’re okay,” she drawled. “Why?”

“I mean you and your son are here all the time.” Carly shrugged. “That’s good. I mean, I want Jason to be happy.”

Remembering Jason’s suspicions, Elizabeth just nodded. “Well, we make each other happy.” Maybe she was baiting the harpy, but a pleasant Carly was a plotting Carly.

And a plotting Carly did no one any good.

“I figured.” The elevator slid to the fifth floor. Elizabeth had never wanted to see the parking garage more than anything else in her whole life. “It doesn’t bother you, about Evie, I mean?”

“What about Evie?” Elizabeth turned slightly, surprised Carly would address the situation so directly. “She’s a beautiful little girl.”

“I’m sure she is, but you know, people are talking about it all.” Carly shrugged. “But I guess if you don’t mind being known as the rebound—”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as the door slid open and they both stepped into the parking garage. Milo stepped away to talk to the guard to bring around both cars. “Carly—”

“I mean, he was screwing that whore all of last year. They were planning a family together. It doesn’t bother you that Jason’s dumped you in her place?” She arched a brow. “He went and found himself a mother for his bastard.”

What the goddamn hell? Elizabeth stepped towards the other woman. “Are you serious? You’re coming at me because Jason and I are together more than six months after Evie’s mother died? What about you? How fast did you spin between Tony, Jason, AJ, and Sonny?” She narrowed her eyes. “And we can’t forget Lorenzo Alcazar.”

“I’m saying,” Carly said, her teeth clenched. “I’m surprised you don’t resent being a replacement for Jason’s whore. You know she screwed Sonny, Jason and Jax in about a five minute span—”

“That would be Sam’s business, not mine.” Elizabeth tossed her hair over her shoulder. “You know, Carly, for someone who says they want Jason to be happy, you sure spend a lot of time attacking Jason’s choices.” Lowering her voice, she continued, “Maybe this is a concept you don’t understand but Evie is not Sam, and to paint the daughter with the alleged sins of her mother is so goddamn reprehensible, I can’t even begin to see why Jason bothers with you.”

“Please, little Miss Mary Sunshine. I live in the real world.” Carly stepped towards her. “I know what Jason has done for me in my life. I am well-aware of the fact that everything I have — my marriage and my boys — is because Jason made that happen. He has protected me for years. You think I’m not grateful?”

“You’ve got a funny way of showing it,” Elizabeth snapped. “Attacking me, attacking Sam, attacking Evie…what the hell is wrong with you, Carly? You’ve got your precious marriage, your penthouse, your club, and your gorgeous boys. Why the hell are you so unhappy?”

Carly laughed then, a bitter and nearly twisted sound. “Please. Don’t throw stones at a glass house, honey. You and I both know what’s making me miserable.”

Her car drew up then. “I hate the way Jason and Sonny are around each other now,” Carly said. “You know how close they were once. How much Jason depended on Sonny, loved him, looked up to him.”

“I do.”

“That’s all gone now.” Carly pursed her lips. “Maybe it’s gone because Jason…” She paused. “Because Jason took Sam away under Sonny’s nose, but we all know when it started. We all know who’s to blame for this.”

Elizabeth drew her brows together. “Carly—”

“You think because I’m a narcissistic, self-absorbed bitch I can’t see what’s right in front of my face?” Carly demanded. She stalked to the car, where an impassive Max stood with the door open. “I started it. The night I slept with Sonny. When I let Sonny adopt Michael. I’d even bet money that Jason went after Sam to get her away from Sonny, so I wouldn’t destroy him in court over the boys.” She shook her head. “Nothing I’ve tried so far has fixed it. I don’t even know if I can. So here’s my piece of advice to you, Sunshine.”

Elizabeth pressed her lips together and remained silent, because Carly’s behavior was more troubling than she’d expected.

“Make Jason as happy as you can for as long as you can. He deserves it after the bullshit Sonny and I have put him through.” She stopped. “Will continue to put him through. He’s too good for both of us, and you know we’ll destroy him sooner or later. Make him see that. Because the only one who can make this stop now is Jason.”

Carly stopped and closed her eyes. “God, I really am a selfish bitch.”

And with that, she slid into the car and Max closed the door. His dark eyes met Elizabeth’s. “You all right, Miss Webber?”

“No,” Elizabeth admitted. “I never know what to think about Carly.”

“Join the club,” the older guard murmured as he slid into the passenger seat.

After Carly’s car had driven out of the garage, her car drew in front of the guard’s station. Milo hurried forward to open the door for her. “Miss Webber?”

She sighed and handed him her portfolio to place in the trunk. “Is this what if feels like when someone declares war?”

“I wouldn’t…know, Miss Webber.” Uncomfortable now, the young man shifted. “But I bet it’s not far off.”

General Hospital: Cafeteria

“Would you mind if I took a seat?”

Audrey glanced up and smiled warmly at her old friend. “Of course, Monica. Join me.” Monica set down her lunch tray as Audrey moved a set of charts to the side. “How are you?”

“Good.” Monica tore open a sugar packet and dumped the contents into her Styrofoam cup. “And…you? Your family?”

Audrey smiled, and took pity on Monica because she knew exactly what the point of this little meeting was. “Elizabeth and Cam are doing quite well.”

Monica’s cheeks were stained with red as the younger woman looked away. “I shouldn’t…but since Lila died last year, I’ve been so concerned for Jason. I’ve hoped he would find some sort of happiness, and…I’ve seen them around.” She held up a hand. “Not that I’ve been looking, but they’re at Kelly’s sometimes or…”

“It’s perfectly fine.” Audrey sipped her tea. “There isn’t much detail I can offer, to be honest. Elizabeth plays her cards quite close to her chest. I suppose that’s due to the last few years.” She tapped her fingernails against the porcelain mug in her hands. “I wasn’t always as supportive as I could have been.”

“Do you know how long they’ve been seeing each other?” Monica asked.

“I’d say seriously since Emily’s wedding.” Audrey smiled. “Your daughter is quite the Quartermaine, engineering that bouquet and garter nonsense. But they’ve been…” She pursed her lips. “I know Emily would call it circling one another for months. Meeting for talks, I’ve watched Cam a few times while she’s gone on that motorcycle.”

“What would you call it?” Monica asked.

“Finding one another again.” Audrey leaned back in the uncomfortable hospital chair, her mug in one hand, her other arm across her waist. “Learning who one another is after all this time. They were both…gun shy, I would say.”

“Hard not to be after what they’ve been through. Bad marriages, in particular.” Monica sipped her coffee. “I always liked Elizabeth, you know. I remember the first time I became aware…that there was something there. Something more than just Emily’s brother and her friend.” She tilted her head. “It was the summer he came home, and Elizabeth was in trouble. Jason allowed Edward to blackmail him in order to get help.”

“Well, I knew they were friends. After Lucky died, I was concerned about that.” Audrey glanced down at her cup, feeling that sick sense of shame spreading through her. “I judged her harshly. Him as well. I didn’t see what he could possibly bring to her life after all the loss and hurt she’d suffered. I couldn’t see how he had already helped her. The sparkle was back. The rebellious side that had been all but lost after her…”

“Her rape,” Monica murmured. “I…remember her outcry at Tom Baker’s trial.”

Audrey nodded. “She curled up inside herself for months, only letting Lucky in. Occasionally myself and her sister, but only Lucky really broke through that tough exterior. Then, she lost him and I truly thought I would never see my granddaughter shine again.” She closed her eyes and bit her lip. “Until I saw her getting off your son’s motorcycle that fall.” Opening her eyes, Audrey looked at Monica. “I encouraged her this time to take a chance if it was there to be taken.”

“I’m glad. Because we both know the road ahead for my son is…not so easy.” Monica glanced across the cafeteria where Bobbie was laughing with Amy Vining. “This…business with Evie is going to come to a head.”

“Sooner rather than later, I should think.” Audrey pursed her lips. “But I think Elizabeth will provide him the strength he needs to get through it.” She leaned forward. “I can tell you that in the last month, my granddaughter and her son have only spent a handful of nights at home.”

Monica lifted her eyebrows. “Oh? It’s…that serious? Her son is spending time at the penthouse?”

“She comes by to pick up clothes, spends the night sometimes for show but…” Audrey lifted a shoulder. “I wouldn’t be surprised if the situation changed soon. If perhaps something more permanent might be in the cards.”

“Oh, I wonder if they’d get married,” Monica mused. “Do you…think he would invite me?”

“I would think Elizabeth would encourage it,” Audrey said after a moment. “Jason’s not as close with Sonny and Carly as he once was. He may be more open to a relationship. As long as you didn’t push.”

“I wouldn’t.” Monica held up a hand. “I really…I try to take my cues from Jason.”

“Anyhow, I don’t know about marriage. I think Elizabeth is still quite…apprehensive on the subject, with her failed wedding to Lucky, then that disaster of a marriage to Ric.” Audrey frowned. “And Jason’s own experience hasn’t been much better. But maybe for the sake of the children, they would consider it. It’s hard, I suppose. Things are so different than when I was their age.”

“Marriage is not always the endgame,” Monica agreed. “But yet, they’re still quick to jump to it, as if it’s some sort of sport.”

“I wish I could have been smarter at Elizabeth’s age,” Audrey said. “To learn how lucky I was with Steve, how I should have cherished our life together. I can see things I could have done differently, things he might have done, even little things.”

“Well, Alan and I managed to stay together,” Monica mused, “but I wonder if I had to live it again, if I would have done it so much more differently.” She paused. “Then again, I wouldn’t have Jason if not for the troubles in our marriage”

“True. I often forget he’s not your biological son, you loved him so well.” Audrey reached out and touched her hand. “He’s coming back to you, Monica. Little steps. He’s not the same man who woke from that coma or kept Michael from you.”

“I hope that’s true, but I’m content to see that he’s happy.” Monica paused. “And while he is not a man who wears his heart on his sleeve, I can see that he is with Elizabeth. I just hope it can stay that way.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason was already home when Elizabeth arrived later that afternoon. She set down the black portfolio and curled up to him on the sofa where he was reading through some files. “Ugh.”

He gathered her into his side and pressed her lips to her hair. “Bad day.”

“Long day.” She snuggled into him. “Where are the kids?”

“Nora took them to the park for a bit. There’s some sort of kid activity she said they’d love but that involved balloons and face painting.” He grimaced. “I decided to skip that.” He stroked her hair, his fingers sliding through the silky strands. “Did your meeting with your agent go badly?”

“No. He’s just exhausting.” She drew back. “He wants to schedule another, smaller show for this winter.” She rolled her eyes. “An intimate one. No big deal, right? Except he thinks we should hold it at a gallery in Port Charles.”

Jason hesitated. “Do we have an art gallery here?”

“Yes. But it’s kind of low-class, according to Luther—that’s my agent.” She sighed. “And I made the mistake of mentioning how much easier my life would be if I could deal with a gallery closer than New York, which started the argument we had last year. When I told Luther I was coming back here, he wanted me to move to the city because it’d be better for my art.”

He didn’t like thinking about her not coming home last winter, knowing the only reason they were together was her love for her grandmother pulling her back. “Where did things end up?”

“He wants to talk to some of his contacts in New York, to see if anyone is interested in opening a branch up here, with my show as their launching pad.” She wrinkled her nose. “He’s hot to schedule another show as soon as possible.”

Jason didn’t really care one way or the other, but he knew how much it meant to her to make a living from her art, so he nodded. “Is there a reason for that? Do artists do that normally?”

“No, it’s usually a lot longer between shows, but I’ve been really prolific and…” Elizabeth looked down, her fingers tracing a pattern on his jeans. “He wants to capitalize on the changes in my life.”

“The changes…” Jason repeated, not following her.

“Oh…” Elizabeth huffed. “Apparently my personal relationship with you is driving up the prices on the few pieces that remained unsold from my showing, as well as pushing in commissions.”

“Your…” Jason closed his eyes. “Because I’m a high profile alleged criminal.” Was there any part of her life his choices wouldn’t corrupt eventually?

“I know, people are insane. They’re willing to pay above market value because I have a connection to you.” She bit her lip. “This doesn’t bother you, does it?”

“Doesn’t it bother you?” he responded. “People should buy your wok because it’s good, because it speaks to them. Not because of what I may or may not do as a career.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth, I didn’t think about it—”

“Hey…” She pressed a finger to his chest. “What did you tell me about that red shoe painting I sold? When I was hung up with the idea that I’d made money of it. What did you say to me?”

Jason frowned. “That other people put the price on it, you just painted it.”

“Exactly. First, let me make this very clear to you. The fact that morons are willing to pay more money for one of my paintings because we’re dating says more about them than it does about you,” Elizabeth said. “Second, being with you has only made my art better. Luther looked at some of the photos I took of the pieces in my studio that I’ve been working on since April, and he says they show an emotional arc that people will eat up.” She smirked. “Apparently, the darkness, loneliness and isolation of my first show is going be completely eclipsed by the newfound hope for the future I’ve found.”

Jason scowled. “What darkness?”

She laughed, which eased the tightness in his chest. “It’s just art speak. Luther loves the new stuff, thinks it’ll sell even better than the last show. To show emotional growth, it’ll just engage the art world, make them part of the story.”

“I…” He blinked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Yeah, neither do I. I just paint what I feel.” She shrugged and kicked off her heels. “That was actually the highlight of the meeting for me, even though I knew it would bother you a bit. The downside is this gallery idea — Luther wants me to partner in with whoever opens the branch. To lend my name will apparently give it credibility and popularity.” Her eyes were wide now. “I mean, do you hear those words? My name will lend credibility. Because I have a name in the art world.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” he asked, unsure. This was so out of his realm of comfort, he couldn’t begin to know the right thing to say.

“It’s weird.” She pursed her lips. “Jason, a year ago, no one had heard of me. I was in therapy, mostly feeling like a complete failure except for my beautiful little boy. And now, I’m…” She sighed and closed her eyes. “Now, I’m the toast of the art world, I have my amazing family and friends standing behind me…” Her eyes drifted open and they were sparkling. “I have you. I have Cameron and Evie. God, Jason, I am so ridiculously happy that I’m pretty sure I’ll screw it up any moment now. I’m really good at it.”

He leaned forward to capture her mouth in a soft kiss. “I know what you mean.”

“And I’m going to screw it right up now,” she said on a sigh when she drew away.

“What?” Jason frowned. “Elizabeth—”

“I ran into Carly when I was leaving earlier,” she said. “Jason…I think I know what she wants from you.”

Jason sighed, disentangled himself from Elizabeth, and crossed to the window to look out over the harbor. “To sign my guardianship of Evie over to Sonny.”

“Yeah…”

He heard the rustling as she stood. “Jason,” she continued, her voice drawing closer. “I don’t know how much longer we can put off making a decision.”

He turned to face her. “I thought I had. I told Sonny I wasn’t going to—”

“I know what you told him,” Elizabeth interrupted. “But Carly remains the wild card. Jason, I want…” She hesitated. “I want to build a life with you. That’s what all these months have been about. I have always understood how matters came to this point, but I don’t understand why…” She dipped her head. “Why we don’t get Sonny some help.”

“You say that like it’s so easy.” Jason folded his arms, feeling uncharacteristically annoyed with her, even though he knew she was right. “You think it’s the first time that’s been suggested?”

“I’m saying that I understand that the situation is difficult,” Elizabeth drew out the words. “That it’s not just about Sonny’s mental well-being. I know if any sign of weakness becomes apparent to the people who aren’t loyal to Sonny, it’ll create problems. You told me you’ve spent years placating him in these moods. I don’t know if that’s going to work this time—”

“I can’t force him to get help.” He shook his head. “Short of that, all I can do is minimize the damage—” He stopped. “What exactly did Carly say to you?”

“She’s so angry inside, Jason. She tells me how much you’ve protected her, she even told me that she knows Sam was part of a plan to continue that protection, to protect that boys.” Elizabeth shook her head. “I think she’s still trying to play as if she doesn’t know anything, but I don’t buy it. Her anger towards Sam is so fresh, but Jason…I’m scared for you.”

“For me?” Jason shook his head. “Carly isn’t a danger to me—”

“Really?” Elizabeth asked, tilting her head. “All the while she’s talking to me about knowing the damage she’s done, I only see the way her eyes look when she talks about you. And it’s not the way it used to be. Right now, she blames Sam. She blames herself. But we both know Carly isn’t going to play the martyr for long. It’s not a skin she fits in well.”

Jason sighed and rubbed his face. “You think she’ll blame me.”

“I think she’s halfway there even if she doesn’t recognize it.” Elizabeth stepped towards him. “You’ve told me yourself—in his good moments, Sonny seems to recognize his reasons for letting the situation stand, but in his worst moments, he blames you. Do you think Carly doesn’t see that? She’s so used to you fixing things. If you don’t come through for her, if you let Sonny crash and her world collapses with him, do you think she won’t find a way to blame you?”

“So, what do I do? Sign her away, give Sam’s daughter to Carly and Sonny?” Jason shook his head. “I-I can’t do that. Elizabeth, I can’t believe you’re asking me—”

“I’m not asking you to do anything,” Elizabeth said. “I love Evie, too. And I have a great deal of respect for Sam and her wishes, because I know what it’s like to feel disposable, to be desperate to protect yourself and your child from a man who’ll just ruin it all. I was married to Sonny’s brother, Jason. Do you think I don’t know the darkness that runs in their family? I want to keep her as far away from Sonny and Carly as possible. Unless Sonny gets some help, he’ll never be a fit father.”

He had never considered that Ric’s brand of insanity might be in anyway related to Sonny’s, but again he’d disregarded Elizabeth’s own experiences in this. She knew what it was like to be surrounded by someone who was sinking, refusing to see it, refusing to ask for help.

“So what do I do?” Jason asked.

Elizabeth closed her eyes. “I can’t…I can’t tell you that, Jason. This isn’t my world. I don’t know the ramifications in your business—”

“Forget that for a minute.” Jason shook his head. “Just…if I go to Sonny, lay this all out, tell him Carly knows, and has known for months, and still refuse to give up guardianship, do you really think he’d get help?”

“Or it might make matters worse,” Elizabeth said softly. “I know that. And God, Jason, the last thing I want to do is make this worse for you, but I…” She pressed her lips together. “Jason, I love you. And it kills me to see you like this. I’ve never known you to be paralyzed like this.”

He walked past her and sat on the arm of the sofa. “I love you, too,” he said, finally. “And you’re right. We can’t build a life together unless we start making decisions.”

Elizabeth’s eyes softened. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her forehead to his. “I would take this all away for you if I could.” Her fingers slid through his hair, and he closed his eyes.

She was right. He’d been living like this for nearly a year, waiting for Sonny to change his mind, waiting for Carly to walk out. Waiting for the situation to explode. He wanted something different in his life. He wanted to have Elizabeth with him, to be with Cam and Evie, to have a family, even if he didn’t truly deserve it.

He’d spent too many years walking away from that.

It was time to walk towards something.

“I’ll talk to Sonny,” he said finally. “But…I can’t—I have to wait, make sure he’s in control. It’s the only way to make sure he listens to me.” His hands slid down to her waist, tracing the lines of her body, the feel of her skin beneath soft fabric of her dress. “I’ll make it clear. It’s time Carly knew the truth, and more importantly, that he needs to get help. Or…”

He paused. “I can pursue adoption for Evie after a year. That’s in November. If he hasn’t gotten help by then, he never will, and I’m not going to put my life on hold anymore hoping he will.”

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

It was late in the evening when Carly returned home, annoyed with herself for the confrontation with Elizabeth in the garage. She had tried so hard to keep her cool, to show Elizabeth that she was welcome at Harborview. That she and her son were a good thing in Jason’s life.

And instead, the vitriol poured out like it always did. Why couldn’t she control herself anymore? She’d blurted out the truth to Courtney all those months ago and it was only because her sister-in-law wanted to preserve the status quo that she’d refrained from telling Jason.

Carly kicked off her heels and lowered herself into the armchair adjacent to the sofa, her head throbbing. She was so tired. To the bone and even the deep tissues of her muscles tired. That kind of soul-shattering exhaustion she remembered when she’d been pregnant with Michael and trying like hell to keep the house of cards from caving in.

Jason must suspect that Carly knew more than she was telling. If he hadn’t before now, Elizabeth would surely tell him about the parking garage where she’d almost overplayed her hand.

Behind her, Sonny came in. Her husband murmured something to the guard on the door before walking to the mini bar to pour himself a bourbon. “Where are the boys?”

“At my mother’s,” Carly replied. She slowly straightened and drew her legs underneath her. “How was your day?”

“Fine.” Sonny tossed back the alcohol. “Didn’t fight with Jason, so that’s something.”

And Carly wanted to believe it meant something that it had been nearly a month since Sonny’s last violent mood swing, but she knew it didn’t. He still hadn’t had that crash. They were in a holding pattern, just waiting for the next storm.

And she was so close to tossing in her hand and walking away.

No. She could still do this. She’d meant what she said to Elizabeth earlier. Carly had started the damage between Jason and Sonny, and she knew that she’d played a heavy role in the events of the year before.

Jason couldn’t keep Evie. It couldn’t happen if Sonny was ever going to be the man he was before. Her husband was drowning in guilt, in anger and hatred for himself. Soon enough, that distaste would turn to her because it was her fault.

And Jason would ultimately be the one to end this stand-off, because he held guardianship. He’d have to sign it over for Sonny to start the road back to something normal.

But Carly knew she could change the game, and maybe it was time for a fresh hand.

“Sonny.”

He glanced at her over his shoulder, his eyes dark and weary. “What?”

“I know Evie is your daughter.”

+7

Take my hand, I’ll teach you to dance.
I’ll spin you around, won’t let you fall down.
Would you let me lead? You can step on my feet
Give it a try, it’ll be alright
– All About Us, This Is We

June 7, 2005 

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Something had changed.

Sonny sat behind his desk and studied his partner, the man whom he still called friend though he had a feeling that was more of a label than a description.

And something was different about him.

Could he ask Jason? Had things been quiet, even stable between them long enough? The last blow up had been more than a month ago, the blow up about Johnny Zacchara’s surveillance. Sonny had continued making his lists to control his conversations and had taken to locking himself in the maid’s room at the penthouse when Carly was at the club and the kids were gone. In that room, he allowed himself to rant, to rave, to scream.

He let the emotions out, hoping that the release would control them. And they were, to a certain extent. He exerted complete control in the areas he could—he carved more time out to cook, concentrating on teaching Michael to eat healthier and spending more time with him in particular.

To keep control in his personal life, so he could keep his cool during business meetings.

He could do this.

Sonny cleared his throat and glanced at his list. Jason. Mickey. Trucks. He could do this. “Ah, your sister’s wedding went well, I guess.”

Jason nodded, his expression guarded. “It did, she and Nikolas are in Greece for the honeymoon.” He shifted, looking almost uncomfortable. “I haven’t been by since because—”

Sonny held up a hand. “If there was something to report, you’d tell me.” He laid his hands flat on the desk, because sometimes just that centered him. “Um, you doing okay? I mean…” He paused. “Elizabeth doing okay?”

Jason didn’t answer right away, but Sonny didn’t let the irritation rise, didn’t feel it crawl into his throat. Maybe it was going to be okay. He had worked hard the last few weeks to get himself under control.

Once he could control the dark moments, he could eliminate them.

‘She’s fine,” Jason answered finally. “We, decided, ah…” He glanced away, seemed to make some sort of internal decision before meeting Sonny’s eyes. “We’re seeing each other.”

This was not going to be a problem. Elizabeth was a good woman with a beautiful child. She had always cared for Jason, would be good to him. Would be good to Evie.

And Sonny, above all, knew that he wanted what was best for Evie.

He knew he wasn’t. Not until he could control himself.

“Good,” Sonny said finally, hoping it had not taken him too long to answer, but Jason seemed to understand that that extra pause was a good thing. He was thinking before he spoke, weighing his words. “Ah, it’s nothing I didn’t expect to hear, but it’s good, you know? I know you don’t believe me, but I always liked her.”

“I know. She…” Jason shifted again. “She said the same about you.”

“Good, good.” Sonny crossed Jason’s name off the list. “You haven’t reported in about the surveillance, so I figure we don’t know anything new.”

“No.” Jason shook his head, and now the frustration Sonny had been feeling filtered into his expression. “We’re not closer to figuring out who took the truck and took out Mickey. The Ruiz brothers are in Miami, no movement from them. No unexplained meetings or calls. I told Roscoe to stay on it, to see if I could move another man down there to cover one of the brothers.”

“And…the Zaccharas?” Sonny asked. He would make it through this. If Jason told him Johnny wasn’t involved, this time Sonny was determined to trust his judgment. Jason had no reason to protect Johnny, this man had met Elizabeth who was no longer just a friend.

Jason sighed. “I had Jimmy on Anthony. No movement there, but Anthony doesn’t leave Crimson Manor that often. People come to him. Nothing out of the ordinary, according to him, but it’s tough. Can’t tap his phones because there’s always someone there. He’s looking into ways to get more information. I told Stan to get some tech help, so Stan found someone to take on that work. I’ll know more in a week or so.”

He was quiet a moment. “I talked to our Johnny about Johnny Zacchara, and he recommended Francis. So I pulled him up from the island. He’s covered Zacchara, but mostly it’s galleries and restaurants when the kid is in the city. He’s in Port Charles often.”

“How often?” Sonny winced when he heard the sharp tone in his voice. No. Let him finish.

“A few nights a week,” Jason admitted. “His girlfriend has a place, Zacchara is there most of the time.” He stopped for a moment. “He goes to Luke’s a lot. And he was at Jake’s one night, playing pool.”

Something in his voice had shifted there. There was something Jason wasn’t saying. “And?” Sonny demanded. He didn’t notice that his hands were balled into fists.

“And he played a game of pool with a guy who used to work for Alcazar,” Jason admitted. “But Francis seemed to think Johnny didn’t know the guy. He came in late, his girlfriend was already there with some friends from work. He played the game to kill time and then he left with Nadine.”

“You didn’t think to lead with this?”

How the hell was he supposed to trust the bastard when Jason kept lying to him? And damn it if it wasn’t a lie to tell them they had nothing to go on.

“I didn’t…I know how you were going to look at it,” Jason said, but his tone was placating, Sonny could fucking hear that endless note of patience. Fucking Sonny is crazy again, just be calm, just be measured.

He wasn’t a damned child.

“You keep telling me this son of a bitch is innocent,” Sonny snarled. “Why the hell can’t you see it? He’s the only enemy running tame in my territory, he’s around when shipments go missing, when trucks get hijacked. He’s talking to Alcazar’s fucking men, and you’re telling me the little shit is innocent?”

He was out of his chair now, his balled fists on the desk as he leaned forward.

Jason dipped his head, and Sonny hated him in that moment because the bastard was just trying to think how to answer him, how to keep Sonny calm.

“What do I have to do to make you see I know what the hell I’m talking about?” Sonny continued, his voice rising. “Haven’t I made sacrifices to show you I’m in control, but you keep fucking treating me like I’m going to lose it, like I don’t know my own organization. Damn you, Jason, I gave you my daughter. When the fuck are you going to start trusting me?”

Jason raised his head but the placating expression was gone, his eyes were angry, his mouth tight. “You think you gave me Evie?” he retorted. He also got to his feet, his clenched fists at his side. “Is that what you think happened?”

Taken aback by the tone because Jason rarely confronted him, Sonny straightened. “What do you call it?” he snapped. “You have her, I don’t.”

“I call it cleaning up another one of your goddamn messes.” Jason stepped forward. “I shouldn’t have changed those results. I admit that was a mistake. But you kept it going. You decided that I was right, that Carly would destroy those boys in the divorce. You strung Sam along, making her feel like trash, making her feel like Evie would always be an afterthought to Michael and Morgan.”

“And you didn’t reassure her, did you?” His head was spinning, his blood spoiling. “You fucking took your chance to have your own family. Were you fucking her after all?”

Jason shook his head, the disgust on his face clear. “She died pleading with me to keep her daughter from you. And I promised her I would take care of Evie. But if you had wanted her that night, if you had asked me to sign over guardianship, I would have done that, Sonny.”

“Oh, but now it’s too late?” Sonny stalked around the side of his desk and jabbed his finger at Jason. “Is that what this is? You taking a stand, Jason?”

“What do you want me to say?” Jason spread his arms out wide. “You made the decision to let it stand. You chose to leave Evie with me. You didn’t give her to me, you just kept your life from blowing up.”

“This is payback for Michael isn’t it?” Sonny demanded. “For taking him in, for adopting him. He was yours—”

“He was never mine.” Jason’s hands fell to the side. “And Evie’s not mine. Not really. But she was Sam’s. What did we always say about Carly’s right to keep AJ out of Michael’s life?”

“Don’t you fucking turn this around on me—”

“I’m not. You want me to take a stand, Sonny? Fine. You used Sam and made her feel like nothing. You signed paperwork without reading it, and terminated your parental rights. And you chose to let that stand when you learned that I had guardianship and you were nothing to her.” Jason stepped forward. “Sam made her choice. And you made yours. You’re going to have to live with that.”

Before Sonny could say something—anything—Jason had slammed the door behind him.

Son a bitch.

Port Charles Municipal Building: Hallway

“Thank you again, Ms. Webber,” Mayor Garrett Floyd said as he walked her out of his office. “That painting is exactly what I wanted.”

“Well, I’ve never worked on commission before,” she admitted as they stopped in front of a bank of elevators. “But I was intrigued by your request. Just a lot of blue.” She readjusted her purse strap. “I’m glad you like it.”

“We’re very proud of you, Ms. Webber,” the mayor told her. “One of the new leading lights of the art world is a hometown sweetheart. I want to make sure everyone sees my Webber original.”

Because now he had amped up the charm, and his hand that been casually guiding her forward on her upper arm slid down to cup her elbow, Elizabeth sighed. Well, at least he paid first. She stepped back.

“It means a lot that so many in town have been supportive of my work,” she remarked. “Did I tell you that Jason Morgan was at my showing in New York?” She laughed, the sound almost artificial. “He should have known with our relationship, I would have just given him the painting.”

Floyd’s hand dropped to his side, his smile disappeared. “Your, ah, relationship.” One giant step back. “Ah, yes. I remember hearing something to that effect. Well, then.” He coughed. “I’ll just…have a nice day, Ms. Webber.”

“Sack of crap,” she muttered when he had turned the corner back to his office. She jabbed the down button.

“Nicely done, Elizabeth.”

It was the first time in more than a year she had heard his voice directed at her. She slowly turned to find Ric standing there, in a suit and carrying a briefcase.

“Ric,” her voice still flat from her conversation with the mayor.

“I’m sorry.” And now he shifted, seeming uncomfortable. “I know…that we had, I suppose, an unspoken agreement to just…co-exist without interaction—”

The doors slid open, but Elizabeth just stood there. Better to let him get this done so she could go home, feed Cameron, and then meet Jason at Jake’s.

That’s all she wanted to do right now, particularly after dealing with the oily mayor and now seeing her ex-husband.

“We did, and I was satisfied with how that was working out.” She switched her bag to her other shoulder, just to have something to do with her hands. “What’s changed your mind?”

“I, ah, didn’t want you to hear it from anyone but us, because I just…” Ric exhaled harshly. “I’ve never been good to you, Elizabeth. I didn’t know if you’d even care, but—”

“Spit it out, Ric. I have other things to do with my life.” She folded her arms in front of her, her heeled toe beginning to tap against the marble floor.

“Alexis and I are having a child,” Ric said quickly. “I just—”

Her hands fell to her side, her mouth parted. “Oh.” Her stomach twisted, but she couldn’t understand why. “Well, that’s nice.”

“I just…” His hand reached out, but dropped before he could finish extending it. “I wanted to…make amends. To make sure that…everything is okay.”

“That what is okay?” Elizabeth retorted. “What do you want from me, Ric?”

“I—” He looked away. “I just wanted you to be happy—Alexis mentioned that you were seeing Jason again—”

“What I do is none of your business,” Elizabeth cut in. “Do you want me to wish you happiness, Ric? Tell you all is forgiven? Is that what you need to hear?”

“Elizabeth—”

“How about this?” She hit the elevator button. “I don’t think about you much at all, Ric. You’re out of my life and that’s just the way I like it.”

Jake’s

Jason straightened and turned away from the pool table when he heard the outside door to the bar open. Elizabeth walked in, took in the empty room, dumped her purse on a chair and walked straight towards him. When she wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her head to his chest, his arms automatically slid around her shoulders.

“Hey. Bad day?”

She nodded, and some of his own anger and frustration slid away in response to hers. How often in the last few weeks had she listened to him talk about his problems with Sonny and Carly without asking for anything in return?

He slid his fingertips down the soft, thin material of her light purple sun dress. “What happened?” he asked.

“God.” Her voice was muffled. “The world.”

“Okay.” He released her for a moment in order to set his pool cue awkwardly behind him on the table, before tilting her chin up to look at him. “I thought you were dropping a painting at the mayor’s.”

“I did.” She glanced away. “That was fine. I mean, he hit on me afterward, but—”

Jason scowled and stood up straight, dislodging her temporarily. “What?”

“Don’t worry, that was just…a minor annoyance.” She waved a hand. “I only had to mention your name before he turned as white as a sheet and hurried away.” Her hands slid from his back to the belt loops of his jeans. “I don’t think I’ll be hearing from Floyd again.”

Setting that aside, Jason nodded. “So what happened?” he asked again.

Elizabeth tilted her head back, her hair falling like a waterfall down her back. “Ric was there.”

Stupid little piece of scum. This world would have been a lot better if Jason had been allowed to wipe him from the planet years ago. “What did he do?” he demanded. “I can take care of Ric—”

“It’s not him so much as…” She pursed her lips. “He wanted to tell me that Alexis is pregnant, because he thought it would bother me if I heard it from someone else, like I’d be blindsided.” She rolled her eyes. “God. As if I spend my time thinking about him and his new wife.”

“Okay,” Jason drawled, tilting his head. “So if the pregnancy doesn’t bother you…”

“It’s just…” She shook her head and looked down. “I hate seeing him. I hate remembering who I was when I was with him—” Elizabeth wrapped one arm around her waist and used the other to cover her eyes. “How little I must have valued myself to swallow his lies, to believe in him—”

“Hey.” He reached for the hand over her eyes and took it between both of his own. “Hey. Don’t do this to yourself.”

“It makes me angry, Jason.” Now with her chin tilted up, her eyes flashing . “How could I do that to myself? To let myself be degraded that way? I let myself believe that I deserved to be used, that I couldn’t do better—”

“But you don’t believe that anymore.” His chest burning, he gripped her hand more tightly. He hated watching her do this to herself, to castigate herself for a mistake that she’d already fixed. “You told me that yourself, remember?”

“I know.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “I know. I just…sometimes I forget. I was standing there, listening to him talk about amends and how he wants me to be happy—” She rolled her eyes. “And I just…don’t know how I let that happen to me.”

“You have to forgive yourself,” he told her. “You said it was easier when you and Ric just ignored each other’s existence, but it’s clear that’s not going to be an option.” Unless Ric did something that warranted him being tossed from a moving car. “So you’re going to have to forgive yourself.”

“I…” She pressed her lips together. “I did, Jason. I-I told you that I was in therapy last year, that I realized why I was with him—”

“Knowing the reasons why is different from forgiving yourself. Elizabeth, you did the best you could. You saw it was wrong, and you got out.” The back of his hand slid down the soft skin of her cheek before sliding into her hair. “You started a new life. You told me that you had finally stopped seeing yourself as broken.”

“I know.” She swiped at her eyes. “God. I know. Maybe I left therapy too soon. It’s so easy to say I’m past it all when Ric’s not in my life. But it’s arrogant to pretend five months of therapy can solve years of unhealthy choices.” Her smile was shaky but genuine, so the tightness in his chest eased.

“I just…wish you could see you the way I do.” He brushed his lips lightly against hers, feeling some of the tension bleed away from her shoulders. “You’re so strong.”

She huffed and looked away, but her cheeks flushed slightly. “Jason—”

“It would have been so easy to stay in California. You were making a good life for yourself there. I know Port Charles holds a lot of bad memories, you didn’t have to come back and face them.” He tilted his head a bit, trying to meet her eyes. “Elizabeth, I know it’s…going to take more time, but you can’t keep looking at Ric Lansing and blaming yourself. You’re better than that, and you deserve more than that.”

“I know.” She nodded. “I do know that. I came home to get my life back, because staying away would be like running away. And I’m so glad I did.” Her fingers gripped the material of his shirt. “Because I found you. And this…being with you, has been worth it. I’m not just talking about the last week or so, but since the minute I sat down on the bench last winter…” Raising herself up on her tips of her toes, she pressed her lips to his.

“I’m glad,” he murmured.

She drew back after a moment and glanced around the bar. “Where is everyone anyway?”

“I…paid Coleman to close the place for the night.” Jason gestured towards the table where she had dumped her purse. “Do you want a beer?”

Elizabeth frowned and eyed the vodka bottle next to the open bottle of beer, with a few shot glasses next to it. She looked back at him, her arms sliding away from his waist. “Did…did something happen today?” she asked. “It’s…not like you to close the place. You…like the atmosphere here. You told me no one bothers you here.”

“I just…didn’t want to be around people,” he said after a moment, but he already knew he was going to tell her what had happened earlier. It was too important not to, but he’d hoped to wait a little longer. Their relationship could never be normal, but he’d hoped for something resembling it tonight.

“Okay.” She drew in her bottom lip. “I…did you want to talk about it?”

He sighed and reached for the pool cue. “Not really. Do you want to play?”

“I’d rather watch you.”

As he lined up a shot, Elizabeth took one of the empty shot glasses, filled it with vodka, and tossed it back like it was water.

“Do you remember the last time we were in here?” she asked after he had taken the shot and sent two balls into the corner pocket. He glanced up to find her leaning over the table slightly.

“Uh…yeah.” He stood and rounded the table for another shot. “The last time I came home.”

“Mmmhmm…” Elizabeth walked towards him, her fingers drifting over the cheap wood the table. “You taught me to play.”

“I tried.” Jason straightened and turned as she approached him, setting the cue on the table. “You weren’t really paying attention.” And they’d been interrupted, but he wasn’t going to say that. That was before, and it didn’t matter now.

“Well, I was very distracted.” She stepped in front of him, and turned so that her back was pressed against his front. She reached for his hands and pulled them around her waist. “You had your arms around me…” She tilted her head back and he leaned down, brushing his lips on the soft skin just behind her ear. “I could feel your breath on my skin…”

“I wanted to kiss you,” he admitted, his thumbs sliding across the soft cotton, her skin almost burning beneath his skin.

“You have no idea how many dreams…” Elizabeth turned in his arms, her lips a breath away. “How many times I fantasized about that moment, about being in your room…that day you washed my makeup away…” Her fingers brushed over his cheek. “I had this one dream about you and my little black dress…peeling it off with your teeth…”

He was tired of the teasing, of the images of she’d created in his mind. For too many years, Elizabeth herself had been a fantasy, a vision he could not bring himself to trust, to hope for. He remembered that dress, remembered the gloves she had left in his room. He could still smell the scent of her perfume, the way her skin felt beneath his fingers as he watched his face.

Still remember the almost mocking vision of her in his room, smiling at him.

He closed his mouth over hers, his hands sliding to her waist, gripping her hips tightly, dragging her closer to him. Her fists were tangled in his shirt, one of her legs sliding around his waist, trying to get closer.

He drew back. “Elizabeth—”

“Is upstairs empty?” she asked, her hands tangled in his hair. She nipped at his lip. “Maybe your old room?”

Jake’s: Upstairs Room

“When do you have to be home?”

Elizabeth raised her head from Jason’s chest, blinking at him. “Hmm? Oh. No special time. Gram put Cameron to bed for me.”

His fingertips resumed the light stroking of her spine, her toes almost curling from the shivers. This moment…the last hour or so…had been everything she’d dreamed about and more.

“I’ve been trying so hard not to see all of this as a second chance,” she murmured. “Because I don’t really think we ever had a proper first one.”

“Oh?” His hand slid all the way up her back and into her hair.

Elizabeth propped herself up on her elbows to peer more closely at him in the dim light offered by the moon filtering through the old blinds. “I mean, we had chances but…you know, I just…don’t think either of us were ready.” She smiled faintly. “But maybe we were supposed to find each other this time.”

“I don’t know about any of that,” he said after a moment. “I just know the day I looked up and saw you standing at the bottom of the stairs at the docks…” He hesitated. “I don’t know how to explain it. It was like…finding something you didn’t even know you were looking for or was lost.”

She closed her eyes, her smile spreading. “I know exactly what you mean. I came home to raise my little boy, to be with my family. I told myself I was done with love, with romance because there wasn’t room for it. But Emily was right.”

He laughed, turning flat on his back. “Don’t ever tell her that.”

“Believe me, I’ll save that for when we have a really big fight.” She bit her lip. “She asked me not to walk away from it if I found it again, and I’m so glad I listened to her, Jason.”

“She told me the same thing.” His finger slid over her brow, as if tracing her features, and then fell away. He slid up the back board a bit, so he was sitting up. “I should tell you what happened earlier today.”

Elizabeth drew her legs up, so she was sitting across from him, tugging the sheet over her body. “Another fight with Sonny?”

“Yeah.” He leaned over and switched on the bedside light. He looked weary. “But it was…it was different.” Jason was quiet for a moment. “I know I always tell you there are things you can’t know—”

“And I really get that,” Elizabeth began, but he held up a hand.

“But there’s also things I should tell you because it’s…” He lifted a shoulder. “It’s different now.”

“Like when Johnny Zacchara introduced his girlfriend to us but hadn’t told her anything.”

“Right.” He reached for her hand. “I need you to know the people involved. Your guard will know people by sight, but I want you to be aware.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth nodded. “Whatever you need.”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Without going into detail, there’s been trouble lately. You know that because I put Milo on you a few months ago, but even before that, he was just…I asked him to be around.”

“I figured when I saw him at Kelly’s every time I was there and had never seen him before.” She squeezed his hand.

“Right. Well, we don’t know where the trouble is coming from which makes it difficult because we have to keep our eyes on everyone.”

“And you and Sonny disagree on who to keep your eye on?” Elizabeth tilted her head. “But…hasn’t that sort of thing always been your strength? What Sonny expects from you?”

“Yeah.” He dipped his head. “There’s…one person in particularly. Sonny is convinced he’s the guilty party, but I don’t…I just don’t see it. I put a guy on him anyway.” He sighed. “And this idiot just…does things that doesn’t help his situation. Makes him look guilty. And I can’t not tell Sonny these things because then it’ll make him think I’m keeping things from him.”

“And that’s what happened today?” Elizabeth asked. “Jason—”

“That’s how it started,” he told her. “But it…he said that I should trust him, trust his instincts, that he’d been trying to prove that I should by giving me Evie.”

“Giving?” she repeated, frowning. “That’s…not what happened.”

“No,” he agreed. “And I told him so. He accused me of sleeping with Sam—” He stopped and met her eyes. “Which never happened, Elizabeth. I promise—”

“I know that,” she murmured. She’d heard some snickers, wisps of rumors that she’d been a rebound. While most of the town had never accepted Evie’s paternity, they had assumed Jason and Sam were sleeping together.

“It just…he threw Michael in my face, wanting to know if keeping Evie was payback for his adoption…and I told him that he’d made the choice to let Sam’s con stand when Evie was born.” He closed his eyes. “And he asked me if that meant it was too late for him to change his mind.”

She knew how the conversation must have ended for Jason to have waited all night to discuss this but her heart broke all the same. “What did you tell him?”

“That I was choosing my promise to Sam, the way I chose to protect Carly from AJ. I—I had never told him before…about Sam’s last request. About her pleas to keep him away. I told him we’d all made our choices.”

“You told him you were keeping Evie.”

“Not in those words, but he knew that’s what I meant.” He shook his head. “I didn’t even know I was going to say it until it happened. I know we talked about it, about refusing to sign over guardianship. I really didn’t know what I was going to do until it happened.”

“What made you decide?” she asked softly.

“I thought about what you said at Christmas. About Evie and her best interests. That’s…it’s what Sam wanted me to do, to protect her daughter. And I don’t…trust Sonny. Not the way he is now.” Jason drew her closer, his arm around her, her head tucked into his chest. “The thought of putting Evie into Sonny and Carly’s care…I can’t do it. If Sonny would just…let himself crash so we could dig him back out, maybe.”

“But as long as he holds himself in check, you’ll maintain the status quo?” Elizabeth asked. “Jason, what if he calls your bluff? What if he tells Carly?”

“He’d have to sue me for custody,” Jason told her. “He’d have to win in court to force my hand. I-I didn’t want it be like this. I thought maybe it would be temporary.”

Maybe. Or maybe he’d just put his head down and avoided thinking about it, but Elizabeth knew he’d hoped deep down that somehow, some miracle could be wrought to fix the damage. “I know,” she murmured. “But you’re right. Evie should come first. And you know if Sonny were the man he used to be, he’d see that, too. He went back to Carly for Michael and Morgan, didn’t he?”

“He did, but I wish he hadn’t.” He was quiet for a long moment. “You don’t think I should wait for Sonny to make the next move.”

“I think…” Elizabeth drawled, “that you probably have enough on your plate without making the situation worse. If you’re having business troubles, that should be the focus. I’m sure Sonny, in his more stable moments, feels the same. Find out who’s giving you issues. If Sonny wants to push this, if he wants to make an unstable and possibly dangerous situation worse, well then, that’s his prerogative.” She looked up at him. “I wish I could do more, Jason. I feel like listening isn’t enough.”

“It’s…everything.” He leaned down to brush his lips against hers.

Later, as they both reluctantly dressed to return to their respective homes and children, Jason put a hand on Elizabeth’s upper arm. “Would you…tomorrow night. I…” He shook his head slightly. “Would you come over tomorrow and spend the night?”

She wanted to. After tonight, she wanted to spend every night with him, but… “I don’t know, Jason. Cam is pretty good about my grandmother or my brother putting him to sleep, but he likes having me there in the morning—”

“No, I mean…” He drew her closer. “You said you wanted me to be important to Cam. To be part of his life.”

“I do.”

“I want you to be in Evie’s life. To be important to her.” He hesitated. “So I want you to bring Cam over. For you both to be there. I-I can give Nora the night off, she’s already off on Mondays.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks were burning, her heart pounding. She knew what an important step this was, even if Jason couldn’t quite articulate it. It was the start of blending their two lives together. Of their children becoming part of what was happening between them.

Did she want to take that risk? To open her heart to Evie, to let Jason be so much a part of Cam’s life?

“Of course. I can’t wait.” She kissed him firmly to show him her hesitation was unimportant. They had a chance to really make a life together and she couldn’t wait to find out where it was going.

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