Something about you now
I can’t quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right
‘Cause it’s you and me and all of the people with nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it’s you and me and all of the people
And I don’t know why I can’t keep my eyes off of you
– You and Me, Lifehouse

---

Friday, May 27, 2005

Wyndemere: Ballroom

This was the part Elizabeth had been looking forward to and dreading. The speech. Nothing like a room filled with Emily and Nikolas’s family, friends, and business colleagues to give a woman stage fright. As she listened to Lucky talk about his relationship with Nikolas and history with Emily, she glanced up from her notes to her grandmother’s table.

When Elizabeth had spied the seating arrangements, Emily had sheepishly admitted that putting Jason somewhere had been almost impossible but she thought he might not mind sitting with Audrey and Steve, as well as Steve’s date and a nurse from the hospital. It was jarring to see her grandmother smiling at Jason and pointing at a photo Jason was holding. Though Jason was not one for photographs, he did carry one of Evie because inevitably, he ran into Bobbie, Monica or someone else he actually liked who asked about her.

And he was sharing it with her grandmother.

At that moment, Jason glanced up and their eyes met. Feeling her cheeks flushed, Elizabeth returned the smile and looked back down at her notes. Since Cameron’s party earlier that month, she had all but abandoned any delusion that she and Jason were not traversing the same road they had a few years earlier. The only question that remained was the length of that journey and its final destination. She could not bring herself to hope for a happy ending.

And she could not stop herself from doing so.

She glanced over to find Lucky winding down his speech and raising his glass. After they had toasted and Lucky sat, she rose to her feet, flashing Emily a bright smile before looking at the crowd.

“What can I say about Emily Bowen-Quartermaine Cassadine?” Elizabeth began, raising her champagne glass. “We’ve been friends since high school and…well…” She arched a brow at the trio seated at the head table with her. “I suppose you could say Lucky and I know where all the dead bodies are buried.”

Laughter rang out in the large room, but Emily just rolled her eyes because she knew Elizabeth was talking about the actual dead body of Ted Wilson. In the audience, Jason just lightly shook his head. Elizabeth shrugged and continued. “I’ve known Nikolas about the same time as Emily, but he and I did not see eye to eye when I moved here.” She grinned at Nikolas. “I think…I may have given you some decent reasons to view me as your girlfriend’s bratty little sister.”

Nikolas coughed lightly with a word that sounded suspiciously like condoms and Lucky choked on his champagne.

“But despite the first impressions, I grew to love you both…” Her voice tightened. “So…much. When we thought Lucky had died, I could not have survived those first few months without the two of you. There’s not a word for what’s between us. It’s not just friendship, and it’s not just family. You…” She hesitated. “You’re my people, and I can’t…really think of a better way to say it.”

Emily reached over and took Elizabeth’s free hand in her own. “That works,” she said softly.

“I watched you almost two years ago, when we thought we’d lose you, Em. Thank God you pulled through.” A tear slid down Elizabeth’s cheek. “And even though the road was filled with so many obstacles, it seemed almost impossible to keep going. Here the two of you sit, living the fairy tale. Watching the two of you exchange vows today…it gives me hope for myself. For the rest of us. That maybe if we don’t give up, we can have the happy ending, too.”

She raised her glass higher. “To Nikolas and Emily,” she toasted. “And their happiness.”

As she sat down, she caught Jason’s eye and smiled.

Later, after dinner had been served and the dancing had begun, Emily sighed from the circle of her new husband’s arms, causing him to frown.

“That was not a happy sigh,” he admonished and spun her slightly so he could follow the line of her eyes. Unsurprisingly, he spied Jason and Elizabeth standing near the edge of the dance floor, Elizabeth with a glass of wine in her hand and Jason with a pint of beer. “What now?”

“Nothing. I suppose I just wish I could get them to dance, but…” She lightly lifted one shoulder. “C’est la vie. I’ve done all that I can, I suppose.”

“Elizabeth’s toast leaves me to believe that she is quite open to the next step,” Nikolas said. Other men might be annoyed with Emily’s concentration on her brother and best friend on their wedding day, but he saw it for what it was—the overflow of her own happiness driving her to want it for those she loved best. Rather than perceiving it as a distraction from their day, it was an extension of it. “Emily—”

“I know, I know. Worry about the things I can control. I guess I can’t help but wish I could create one more opportunity for them.” She peered at him curiously. “How’s your aim?”

And because he knew her so well, he lifted his eyes to the high ceiling of the ball room. “Considering I was fencing in Greece when other boys were learning to throw a ball, unspectacular. I suppose you intend to engineer a bouquet and garter opportunity. Emily, even if you could, they’d both hate it. Having to put a garter on her in front—”

“Oh, no, no.” Emily shook her head. “He would loathe it, and she’d be mortified. No, I thought…giving them a choice of a dance. They can stand next to each other all night and talk, but a dance? A waltz in the arms of your perfect person?” Emily’s fingertips danced on his shoulder. “That could be the crowning opportunity of my career, you know. I could bow out gracefully from their lives then.”

Nikolas pursed his lips and looked back over at his old friend. Elizabeth was resting her arm on Jason’s forearm with a smirk on her face, and Jason’s expression was open amusement. Even he, who had once detested the concept of their relationship, could see the spark. The potential.

And he wanted Elizabeth to be happy. Not to mention his own wife.

He looked back at Emily. “I can’t guarantee anything, but I will do what I can.”

“You are ridiculously fantastic.” Emily broke their dance pose to lean up on her toes and kissed him fervently. The ballroom exploded in laughter and cheers.

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose as she recognized the martial light in her friend’s eyes as Emily headed towards them. “I think your sister is about to throw the bouquet.”

“Which would explain why she’s coming over here.” Jason nodded and took Elizabeth’s wine glass from her. “She’s just going to start dragging you to the others,” he said when she arched a brow. “I don’t want you to spill the wine.”

“Not like I’ll be wearing this again.” She smoothed a hand down the short chiffon gown. “But I take your point.” She pointed a finger at him. “If I have to do this, you have to do the garter toss. It’s only fair.”

“I don’t see how.” Jason shook his head, his mouth curved into that half smile she just wanted to press her lips against.

She sniffed. “It just is.”

“Elizabeth! Time for all the single ladies!” Emily chirped. She grabbed Elizabeth’s hand, and as Jason had predicted, did not wait for an answer.

“If you aim at me, Emily, I’m going to make Nikolas a widower,” Elizabeth threatened as Emily deposited her next to Bobbie, Georgie and Maxie.

“Oh, don’t be a spoil sport,” Maxie chirped, her lithe body clad in a short black satin confection. “Just stand there and don’t move. I’ll take care of this.”

“Shut up, Maxie,” Georgie elbowed her. “Liz is going to get married before you ever find anyone deluded enough.” She flashed Elizabeth a shy smile. “Maxie’s a brat.”

“Bite me, Georgie,” the blonde snipped, tossing her blonde hair out of her eyes. “Let the professionals handle this—”

“I seem to remember,” Bobbie began with a smile, “Mac and Felicia’s wedding.” She looked at Elizabeth. “Do you?”

“Oh, God…” Elizabeth laughed, pressing a hand to her mouth. “I ended up with most of the flowers in my hair, but yes, I do. Wow, that…seems like another life.”

“All right!” Emily clapped her hands from the front of the room. “Let’s get this going. Ladies, try not to murder each other.” She cast one more long look at the group assembled, and Elizabeth saw her narrow her eyes at Elizabeth’s position. Little brat.

As soon as Emily had turned her back, Elizabeth took one long step to the left to avoid Emily’s aim.

Though why she was surprised when Emily released the bouquet of roses and tulips with a decidedly crooked curve towards her, she couldn’t say.

Emily had always known her better than anyone else.

Leaving a pouting Maxie and laughing Georgie behind with their aunt Bobbie to commiserate, Elizabeth returned to Jason’s side, the bridal bouquet tucked in the crook of her elbow. “I could learn to hate your sister.” She sniffed. “In fact, I’m going to ask you not to go for the garter. It’s about time we turned the tables on her. I am not some trained little puppy she can push around.”

Jason frowned and shook his head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, please. Emily’s as transparent as the brain cells in Maxie Jones’ head.” Elizabeth huffed and glared at the bouquet in her arms. “How many times have we asked her to lay off? But does she? Nope. Just keeps pushing. We can’t let her keep having her way.”

“Okay,” he said, drawing out the word as if to indicate he had lost the thread of the conversation. And then he shifted his feet and his uncertain blue eyes met hers. “W-would it be so…bad?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth pressed her lips together. “No. No, that’s not—shoot.” Behind her, she saw Nikolas and Emily setting up for the garter toss, but she focused on the man in front of her, hoping she hadn’t, in her annoyance with Emily’s overbearing ways, derailed things between them. They had not really verbalized what was happening between them, but…she knew.

“No, I’m just…” She lifted the bouquet into the air slightly. “I don’t want you…to feel like you…” Her cheeks flushed and she looked away. “I mean, I just want it to…be our…choice.” Her tongue felt several sizes too big for her mouth and the mortification was rising from her cheeks to the top of her head. Christ, was this really the place for this conversation?

“It is,” Jason told her. He lifted his hand, perhaps to reach out for her and then a silky blue garter landed in his palm. They both stared down at it, and then turned towards the dance floor.

The group of single men had parted to give them a clear view of Nikolas throwing his triumphant fist in the air and Emily bouncing up and down like a five year old.

“We’ve been double-teamed!” Elizabeth gasped, indignantly.

Emily swanned her way over to them, her hands clasped behind her back, with an innocent smile. “So. That happened.”

“Emily Paige Bowen-Quartermaine,” Elizabeth began, “if you think I am sitting on the chair and letting Jason feel me up in front of a hundred people—”

“Wait, what?” Jason interrupted. “Em—”

“Relax.” Emily waved a dismissive hand. “I have the sense God gave a mule—”

“I’ve seen no indication of this—” Elizabeth shot back.

“I have decided to alter that particular tradition,” Emily sniffed. “Instead, I just ask that you join the rest of the world on the dance floor for one dance.”

“Em, can we talk for a minute—”

Emily cut her off with another wave of the hand. “Listen, I’ve decided to bow out of my position as opportunity creator for you guys since you don’t need me—”

“—never needed—”

“Opportunity creator?” Jason repeated at the same time.

But Emily ignored them both. “You don’t need to thank me, just…enjoy what I’ve given you.” She flashed a smile. “Now, it’s my wedding day, I’m the bride, and you do what I say. Dance.” She took the garter and bouquet from them. “I’ll make sure you get these back, but—”

Elizabeth narrowed her eyes, but rather than give into the desire to poke her best friend, she merely sniffed and turned to Jason. “If she’s really going to retire from constantly butting in—”

“Ha!”

“—then we might as well do this.”

Jason sighed and looked at his sister. “Emily.”

She stared at him, blandly. “It’s my wedding day,” she repeated. She pointed at herself. “Bride.”

He held out a hand to Elizabeth. “She’s right.”

And Elizabeth had decided to stop protesting because she wanted to dance with Jason after all. They’d only danced once before and it barely qualified as she’d been pretending he was Lucky.

Used to be that I believed in something
Used to be that I believed in love

They stood in front of one another for a moment before Elizabeth raised her hands to his shoulders and he gingerly grasped her waist, the heat of his hands burning through the thin layers of chiffon to her skin.

Trying to ignore the fact that she knew people were staring at them, she pitched her voice low. “Jason, I just…don’t want you to feel forced into anything. Emily thinks she knows best, but she doesn’t—”

“Forget about Emily,” Jason responded, his voice low and almost raspy. “It’s just you and me here.”

“Right.” And just like that, Elizabeth did forget about the rest of world. She slid one hand closer to his neck, lacing her fingers through the short blond hair at his nap, the other hand resting just above his heart. “That’s usually the way it works best,” she murmured, her eyes catching his.

It’s been a long time since I’ve had that feeling

He exhaled slowly, and drew her closer. “Elizabeth—”

I could love someone

“No, I’m sorry.” She shook her head, not wanting to disrupt the status quo, realizing too late that this was why she had procrastinated in moving to the next step.

I could trust someone

Admitting they wanted more had been the stumbling block for years, tripping up their friendship and derailing any chance of that intangible something more. She wanted his friendship almost as much as she wanted more. And if they tried for that next step and failed again…

She just knew it would be the last time they would be in this place.

I said I’d never let nobody near my heart again darlin’

“We…have to talk,” Jason said, his thumb moving along the base of her spine. “There…are things I want to say to you. Things you deserve to hear.”

I said I’d never let nobody in

She bit her lip and dropped her eyes to look at the collar of his tuxedo. “I…want to hear them,” she confessed, her heart pounding so loudly that she could barely hear the strains of the ballad to which they danced. “I’m…just…I’m scared, Jason.”

But if you asked me to

“I know.” And though his voice was uncertain, his grip remained strong. He pressed lips together for a moment. “Let’s…do you know the garden? Is there some place…”

“Yeah.” Feeling as though her heart had climbed into her throat, she nodded and gestured towards the doors that opened onto the terrace. “Let’s…go…out there.”

Wyndemere: Gardens

Neither spoke as Elizabeth silently led him through the vast and elaborate English-styled gardens of Nikolas’s estate. She stopped in front of bench tucked into the shadows, away from the light and sounds of other guests in the gardens, the strains of music just barely audible from the house.

Was he ready to do this? To take that next step? It would be a major change, and to his chagrin, Jason couldn’t remember the last time he’d set out to do something with deliberation and thought.

I just might change my mind

For weeks now, he had weight the possibility of asking for more, asking her to stand by him but his troubles with Sonny and the pressures of his life choices had continued to hold him back.

And let you in my life forever

But tonight, he had seen the uncertainty in her beautiful eyes and he knew that the more he held back, the less sure she was of how he felt, and for the first time in years, he wanted to tell her what she meant to him.

To try to put into words her place in his life and the way she lit it up.

If you asked me to

“Elizabeth…” And then he faltered. Because one thing had remained the same despite the passage of nearly five years.

He still didn’t have the words.

She smiled hesitantly and turned slightly on the bench. Her shoulders shook, and belatedly he realized that her short strapless dress did not offer much protection against the chilly spring night of upstate New York. He drew off his tuxedo jacket and tucked it around her shoulders. “Is that better?”

“Thanks.” Twisting her fingers in her lap, she cleared her throat. “It’s…so hard to know what to say, isn’t it?” she confessed, her voice barely above a whisper.

I just might give my heart

“These last few months…” Jason hesitated again. “You…with Sonny and Evie…” He shook his head, frustrated, wishing for the first time in his life he was more like other people with charm and smooth words. She deserved those pretty words, deserved them from someone who meant them. “I don’t know where I’d be without you.”

“All I did was listen,” she murmured. Her eyes left her lap, but he couldn’t quite see them in the shadows.

“Not just that…” He looked away then, towards the garden path. “I don’t know how it’s going to work out…with Evie. With my job.”

He looked back at her. “And sometimes…it seems unfair to ask…to even think about asking you…with everything that’s going on.” Again, he shook his head. He used to be a man of few words, used to saying what he thought, going after what he wanted.

When had that changed?

And stay here in your arms forever

“Jason…” She leaned forward and covered his hand with her own, her cold fingers wrapping around his larger ones. “None of that matters to me. I mean, yes, it does in that sense that I hate that you have to go through it, but it would never be a reason I would step back.”
If you asked me to

“I know.” And he did—he knew the reasons he would hesitate to step forward would not matter to her, but for the first time, he wondered if she harbored any doubts, if the uncertainty he felt was his alone.

“Jason…” As if reading his mind, she squared her shoulders. “I know that our…that…I’m an issue for Sonny.” Her tongue swept across her top lip before she drew the bottom one to nibble it on. “If I…agitate Sonny, and I suppose Carly by extension…what does that mean when things…are different?”

If you asked me to

He shook his head. “I-I don’t know what you mean. And you don’t…agitate Sonny.” Jason hesitated. “It’s not even you. It’s just…he resents anyone in Evie’s life that isn’t him. He just…when he gets into one of those moods, when he’s not in control, when he wants to lash out at me, he uses you. Because he knows it’s…” He shifted. “It’s the best way to get a rise out of me.”

“I suppose that wouldn’t change even if we didn’t…” She looked down again. “Sonny and Carly have always been at the center of your life, Jason. And I would be lying if I didn’t wonder…if we were reconnecting because they’re not in your life the way they were.”

“I…don’t know the answer to that.” After a moment, he continued. “Would that matter? They’re…not in my life. We’re not close anymore.”

Somehow ever since I’ve been around you

“But you’ve been on the outs with Sonny before,” Elizabeth continued. “I don’t want to wake up one day and…” A tear slid down her cheek. “And be alone. Like I was every day in the penthouse. You chose Sonny’s stability before. I understand why,” she said quickly when he opened his mouth to protest. “It was a dangerous time, and I don’t…I want you to know that I understood. I even accept it. But…I can’t pretend I don’t worry about it happening again.”

Can’t go back to being on my own

He dipped his head, because he didn’t know what to tell her. He had deliberately chosen to lie to her in order to preserve Sonny’s sense of peace, in order to prove his loyalty.

Could he really promise he wouldn’t do that again?

Can’t help feeling darling since I’ve found you

“You won’t have to because I already chose you,” he said finally. She frowned and shook her head, and he knew he would have to admit just how damaged his relationship with Sonny was.

That I’ve found my home

“Jason—”

“Sonny has made it clear during those bad moments that he believes I’m not loyal to him, that I would rather have you in my life than placate him.” He hesitated, because it felt unfair to his partner to paint in him that light. “But in his clearer moments, Elizabeth, when he’s the Sonny I remember, he doesn’t see it that way. He worried for your protection when he found out Johnny Zacchara was at your showing.”

That I’m finally home

“I know that something isn’t right with Sonny,” Elizabeth murmured. “And I know how difficult it must be for you, even for Carly and the boys, when he hasn’t been stable in months. I suppose…I just…” She sighed, her breath shaky, as she turned her eyes away and looked towards the garden path.

“I spent most of last year putting myself back together after several terrible years of bad choices and devastation,” Elizabeth said. “And while I won’t lie to you and tell you I didn’t love Ric…it wasn’t…” She pursed her lips. “He didn’t…it’s not like it is with you.” She slid closer. “You and I have been in each other’s lives so much longer than we’ve been friends. We have a history, Jason, and we’ve already…lost each other more than once. I’m afraid that if open myself up…I’ll just lose again. Like I always do.”
I said I’d never let nobody get too close to me darling

Jason opened his mouth, but then closed it because he didn’t know what to say. How could he promise her anything concrete when he didn’t know what would happen? He had also experienced a bad marriage, had buried a friend and his grandmother, watched two of his most important friendships crumble in front of his eyes.

Nothing was guaranteed.

“But,” Elizabeth continued, “I know that we would never be sitting in this moment if you didn’t…” Her fingers tightened around his. “Things have been difficult with Sonny for months, and even though it would be easier for you to step back, you didn’t. So I have to trust that. It’s just…it’s hard, Jason, to open that door when I can’t be sure what’s on the other side.”

“I know it is, and I can’t promise I won’t ever hurt you. I can try not to, but—”

“Life happens.” She was closer now, and though her eyes were wet with tears, they were shining. Her lips were curved into a small smile. “We can…we can promise to try.”

And he recognized the old words from the last time they had been in this moment.

I said I needed, needed to be free

 “I can promise that,” he murmured, cupping her cheek gently.

“You know, we keep ending up in this moment,” she murmured, their lips mere inches apart. “If I believed in fate, I’d say it’s trying to tell us something.”

If you asked me to

“What do you think that is?” he asked, his thumb brushing her bottom lip.

Her smile broadened and in her eyes, something lit up.

I give you my world

“To stop talking,” she said, fisting her hand in his tuxedo shirt and closing the distance between their mouths.

Everything, everything

Her lips were warm and sweet against his. Jason slid his hand into her loose curls, pressing her closer. His tongue traced the fullness of her lip before dipping inside to deepen the kiss and finally taste her the way he had wanted to for years.

If you asked me to

He drew back slightly after a long moment, her breath heavy against his lips. “I never thought we could be back here,” he murmured. “Thank you for coming home last year.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, nipping at his lower lip. “For giving me a ride home five years ago.”

Just ask me to

But with you, you, you
I can see what I need
I can dream realistically
I knew that this was different from the start
And it seems that every time
We’re eye to eye
I can find another piece of you
That I don’t wanna lose
– Fine By Me, Andy Grammer

---

Saturday, May 7, 2005

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Carly sighed in relief as her sister-in-law took a seat across from her. She had been so worried she’d burned her bridges with Courtney the month before. She’d been frustrated, impatient, and angry and had moved too quickly.

Of course Courtney would not leap to break Jason’s heart. Why should she find it easy when Carly couldn’t bring herself to pull the trigger? She knew it would relatively simple—tell Sonny she knew, that she wanted Evie with them.

And maybe Jason would resist at first, but he’d see the rightness of it. He’d sign over guardianship and Sonny would be okay again. It’d be difficult for Jason, Carly wasn’t naive, but he was all but dating Elizabeth. She had a son. She would see Jason through it.

And Jason should want to help Carly in this, because a stable and conflict-free Sonny made everyone’s life better. Keeping Evie was just making the situation worse, but Carly did not blame her best friend.

Jason thought he was protecting Carly and the boys. Soon, she would let him off the hook. He shouldn’t be raising someone else’s child—not like this. Elizabeth’s bastard didn’t have a father. It was the perfect solution.

But the time was not yet ripe.

“Carly,” Courtney said, her voice, the set of her shoulders—everything about her screamed uncomfortable. “I wasn’t expecting you to ask me to lunch.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re here.” Carly spooned some sugar into her iced tea and stirred it. “Michael and Morgan are so excited to spend the afternoon with you—Rocco is bringing them by later. I wanted to…I wanted to apologize.”

“Okay.” Courtney set her tote down. “For what?”

“For the last time we spoke.” Carly bit her lip, trying to appear contrite. “I…I’ve just been frustrated and I haven’t really been listening to anyone else. I know you only have my best interests at heart. The boys’ best interest, even Sonny. Of course… the situation being what it is, it makes sense for Evie to stay where she is.”

Courtney frowned and Carly could see the other woman wasn’t buying it. Not all of it. “The truth is, Courtney, I know this is mostly my fault. I mean, yes, Sonny was wrong to lie to me, but I could…I could have made so many things easier last year.”

Which was partially true. If she had just waited until the paternity test results came in to tell Sonny she was going to rake him over the coals in divorce court, Jason wouldn’t have felt the need to step in. To help.

“Okay,” Courtney said. She glanced up as Georgie Jones emerged and asked for a soda and a plate of fries. “So…you’re not going to ask Jason to give up custody.”

“No, no.” Carly sighed. “It would solve so many problems in the short-term, but they would create them too. It certainly would not make Jason and Sonny’s relationship any better, Jason would probably resent the both of us. Particularly me, if he found out I never believed the lie.”

“And let him fall in love with another child you planned to take away.”

Carly narrowed her eyes at Courtney’s icy words and clenched her hands in her lap. “I suppose he may…consider it from that point of view,” she said, her teeth clenched. “But it was not my intention. It’s not like Sonny discussed any of this with me.”

“No.” Courtney’s shoulders sagged and she leaned back in her chair. “No. They both just…assumed your position would remain the same even once Sam had passed away. It should have been brought out into the open.”

“Exactly.” Carly nodded. “I’m just not sure what to do next. It can’t stay like this forever.”

“No.” Courtney sighed. “No, I don’t suppose it can. I just…don’t know what should happen. After all these months, Evie believes Jason is her father—”

This was the least of Carly’s worries. Evie was six months old. Michael had adjusted after over a year of having Jason in his life as a father. The little boy barely remembered those days, and as it was, Jason was barely a blip in Michael’s life now. Evie was not her concern. “I think that any change, honestly, has to come from Jason.”

Courtney blinked, surprise in her blue eyes. “You mean, Jason has to suggest changing things—to sign away his rights.”

“Yes. Sonny’s racked with guilt—in his less…stable moments, it’s about abandoning his daughter. When he’s in control? He knows what taking Evie away will do to Jason. What this tension is already doing. So, you know, he’s paralyzed.” She sipped her tea. “Jason’s going to have to make the first move.”

“I suppose…that makes sense,” Courtney murmured, “but what if he doesn’t? I mean, you don’t know what he and Sam discussed. Maybe Jason promised Sam he would keep Evie—”

Carly waved away that concern. “She’s dead. Who gives a crap what she wanted?” It was that little whore’s fault in the first place. “Jason loves Sonny like a brother. He’ll come around. He always does, you know that.”

“I do.” Courtney thanked Georgie as the waitress set her order down. “So, what should I do with Michael and Morgan this afternoon? Anything happening in Port Charles?”

“Well.” Carly sat back and smiled. Sometimes opportunities just fell into your lap. “It’s a beautiful day. Maybe you should take them to the park.”

Port Charles Park: Gazebo

Emily removed the plastic cover from a tray of pastries. “A gift from Cook,” she told Elizabeth as she set it on the picnic table.

“Mmmm, they look delicious.” Elizabeth looked over to where Lucas and Steven were hanging some streamers from the gazebo. “Not too much. He’s only one.”

“Yeah, more than three streamers is so passé,” Lucas told Steven with a straight face.

“Boys.” Maxie huffed as she set down her mother’s gift to Cameron. “Let me do this. I swear, if you want anything nice, you have to do it yourself.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as the blonde teenager took over the decorating duties. “I’m not sure why she cares. She only came for Bobbie.”

“It’s the principle,” Emily told her seriously. She glanced around. Georgie and Dillon were helping Felicia and Bobbie set up the rest of the food and beverages. Audrey was chatting with Monica near the gift table while Nikolas and Alexis were keeping an eye on Cameron and Kristina playing with toys. “It’s a nice gathering. Practically everyone you know.” She paused. “You’re missing some people.”

“I invited Lucky and Leyla but they’re in New York for the weekend,” Elizabeth replied blandly, setting down a blue paper plate.

“Webber.”

“Quartermaine.”

Emily huffed. “Whatever. I don’t even like you.” She held up the stuffed giraffe. “Where you do want the centerpiece?”

“Uh, duh, the center.” Maxie stepped up to them and grabbed said giraffe. “Honestly, Emily.”

“Hey, who died and made you party planner?” Georgie demanded, yanking the giraffe back. “You don’t even like kids.”

“Yes, but I like parties.” Maxie reached for the animal again.

“Just think, Elizabeth. One day you’ll have a teenager, too.” Felicia stepped between her daughters, retrieved the animal and handed it back to Emily. “To your corners.”

As both girls separated, Elizabeth smiled and shook her head. “They weren’t bothering me. And considering the placement of the decorations, it’s clear Maxie has a better eye than I do.”

“Still, you have to set boundaries or they’ll try to take over the world.” Felicia smiled and returned to Bobbie.

Emily set the giraffe in the middle of the table. “Anyway. Did you invite my brother?”

“Yes,” Elizabeth said, setting out the last plate. “He said he’d bring Evie, but she usually naps this time of the afternoon, so I’m sure he’s waiting until she’s awake.”

“You know when Evie naps?” Emily said.

“Don’t start.”

“That’s…it’s really cute.”

“I will ruin your life.”

“I mean, it’s sweet.”

“Go over there and annoy your fiancé.”

Garden Path Near the Playground

“Uncle Jason!”

At the sound of Michael’s voice, Jason straightened up from fastening Evie into her carriage. He exhaled slowly as he saw Michael running towards him and following behind, Courtney with Morgan in her arms.

“Hey, kiddo.” He knelt down to receive a hug from Michael. “What are you doing here?”

“It’s Aunt Courtney day,” the seven-year-old told him very seriously. “So we’re in the park to play. I’m gonna show Morgan the swings.”

“I’m…” Courtney set Morgan on his feet and watched the toddler follow on unsteady feet after Michael who darted towards the slide. “Michael, watch your brother!” Turning back to Jason, she twisted her fingers in front of her. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know…I guess I should have because Carly suggested I bring the boys here—” She coughed. “We can go—”

“I’m not…” Jason dipped his head and took a deep breath. “I’m not going to be at the playground. Elizabeth’s son Cameron is…he’s having a birthday party today.”

“Oh.” Her mouth closed, and Jason wondered why she looked hurt. “I…saw you two at the Christmas Party, and I guess…things are going well.”

And now he understood. He opened his mouth to deny it, but then stopped. Because he knew she wouldn’t believe it, and it wasn’t as if it weren’t partially true.

“And look at Evie,” Courtney said, stepping forward. “So much change since I saw her at Christmas. She looks…” Her voice faltered. “She looks so much like Sam,” she finished finally.

He stopped himself from saying that Elizabeth had remarked on that just a few days ago. He stood there, uncomfortable. This was the woman he had promised to love forever, had married.

And divorced.

Who thought he violated their marriage vows by conceiving the baby in the carriage between them.

“I’m sorry, this is weird, isn’t it?” Courtney said finally. “I’m not…” She hesitated. “I don’t want it to be weird, Jason. You…were very good to me and I… know things are difficult for you right now. I don’t want to be someone else who makes life difficult.”

He blinked at her and that something weird in her eyes—that reminded him of Carly—it was there when she looked back at him.

“You’re not,” he said finally. “I’m sorry for what happened last year. For…putting you through it.”

“I’m sure it seemed like a good idea at the time.” She glanced over at the playground where Michael was dumping sand on his brother. “I should be with the boys.” Still facing Jason, she stepped backwards toward the playground. “Jason, for what it’s worth, I want us both to be happy. I mean, it just…wasn’t right. I…I really am okay with it.”

“Okay.” Jason gripped the handle of Evie’s carriage. “Are…are you happy in New York?”

“I am.” Courtney nodded, glancing over her shoulder again to make sure the boys were okay. “I really, really am. The foundation is…helping so many people, and I’ve made some friends.” She smiled. “You should get to your party.”

“Yeah…” Jason waited another moment. “I’ll see you later.”

Port Charles Park: Gazebo

Cameron was sobbing by the time Elizabeth placed the small personal cake in front of him with a burning bright green candle in the shape of a number one. The crowd of people singing Happy Birthday was not going over well.

“They all do that,” Felicia said with a laugh and a pat on Elizabeth’s arm.

“Look, he doesn’t even know he’s supposed to make a mess.” Emily laughed and took one of Cameron’s arms to plop it into his cake. “C’mon, little man!”

“Maybe he just doesn’t want to make a mess,” Nikolas said dryly as he flicked an imaginary piece of lint from his linen shirt.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and plopped Cameron’s other hand into the cake, smearing it a little. The boy looked at her with what could only be described as incredulous expression, then gingerly raised the cake covered fist to his mouth.

“Where does this caution come from?” Emily asked. “Your mother is the most impulsive woman I’ve ever met.” Elizabeth saw her glance at Jason, seated at the end of the picnic table. “Must be the company she keeps.”

The crowd gathered snickered while Jason just offered a bland stare.

“First, I cannot believe you think I’m more impulsive than you are,” Elizabeth said. “Second, I taught my kid manners. So bite me.”

“Anyway,” Bobbie drawled. “I remember that Lucas needed a bit of encouragement to start as well, and it looks like Cameron has the right idea.”

The newly minted one-year-old was demolishing the cake now, with pieces of frosting tangled in his brown curls. He grinned at his mother and held out a chunk of chocolate cake.

“No, thanks, baby.” Elizabeth batted it away and reached for a napkin. “Thanks so much for coming everyone, I know Cameron isn’t going to remember it, but I will. It means a lot.”

“Well, if you need a baby sitter,” Georgie began but her sister rolled her eyes.

“You are such a suck up.”

“Shut up, Maxie.”

“Quiet, heathens,” Felicia cut them both off. “Why don’t you help Lucas put some of those presents in Elizabeth’s car—”

“Oh, no, Felicia, it’s not necessary,” Elizabeth began, but the blonde woman just waved her away.

“You’ll learn soon enough, Elizabeth, that the only good thing about having teenagers is putting them to work.” Felicia stood up. “And then you can take down the decorations.”

“I feel like I’m being punished,” Maxie complained as her mother herded the trio towards the table of presents.

“I’m sorry if they’re a pain,” Bobbie began.

“No, no.” Elizabeth shook her head. “They’re good kids, and I know Georgie would be a great baby sitter.” She blinked as the flash from Emily’s camera all but blinded her. “Whoa, Em. What the—”

“Sorry, sorry. I forgot to switch it off.” Emily set the digital camera down. “Just wanted a few shots of my godson enjoying his first birthday cake.”

“Gram,” Steven said. “What do you say we take Cameron over to get cleaned up and he can play with Kristina and Evie a bit more.” He climbed out from the picnic table.

“All right. Bobbie?”

“Sure.” The redhead smiled at them and followed Steven and her grandmother to the table where Cameron’s bag was kept so they could fish out the wipes.

“I’ll get the streamers, Liz,” Nikolas told her. “Did you want to save any?”

“No.” Elizabeth narrowed her eyes as Emily followed her fiancé, leaving her alone at the table with Jason. “Do you ever think you’re the subject of a massive conspiracy?”

“No.” Jason sighed and slid down the table so he was across from her. “But I’m starting to. Wasn’t Alexis here earlier?”

“Mmm…” Elizabeth nodded as she started to pile the empty plates together. “But she was called in with one her clients before you got here.” She paused. “Thanks for coming, I know you hate this kind of thing.”

“I do,” Jason admitted. He slid out of the table, and reached for an open trash bag to help her clean up. “I’ve never really understood birthdays or the point of celebrating them especially when the kids are this young, but I guess it’s not really about that.”

“It’s about starting a tradition,” Elizabeth said. “I remember birthday parties as being one of the highlights in the Webber household. We used to go to amusement parks or really nice restaurants when we were a bit older.” She chuckled as she wrapped plastic around what was left of some hummus dip. “Of course, you had to behave to get those special meals, so I rarely got it.” She glanced over to where Cam was toddling after Kristina. “I want something different for my kids. I don’t want Cam to ever feel like he has to earn my love.”

“I’m sure he already feels that,” Jason said. “You’re a good mother.”

“I’m trying to be.” She stacked what was left of the plastic cups on top of each other. “You seemed…quiet when you got here. Everything okay?”

“Yeah.” But he hesitated a moment. “I saw Courtney with the boys in the playground on my way here.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth stopped, her hands frozen around a dish of ambrosia. “I guess you don’t see her much.”

“No.” Jason tossed the last stack of plates into the trash. “Not since the Christmas party. She comes up a few times a month to see Michael and Morgan, but she usually takes them places. I make a conscious effort to avoid her. It’s…I don’t like bringing Evie around her.”

“Oh.” Elizabeth raised her eyebrows. “Is she…angry?”

“No, she’s…” Jason shook his head. “Like everyone else, apparently. Never really thought it was true, but I know it hurt her the way I did things. That Sam moved in with me, and even if people don’t think Evie is my daughter, they thought Sam and I…” he trailed off and shrugged, uncomfortable.

“I get it. I’ve…been in that position,” Elizabeth admitted. “Feeling stuck when it looks the other person has moved on, the whole world looking at you like you did something wrong, like you weren’t enough.” She blinked. “I’m not talking about you…with Courtney. I’m…when I came home last year for Lila’s funeral, I ran into Alexis and Ric in the park.”

“That must have been…difficult.” Jason leaned against the table and glanced over to see that Nikolas and Emily had joined the trio watching the children. Emily had Evie perched on her hip and gesturing widely with her other hand as she said something to Audrey and Bobbie.

“I guess. Our divorce was final by that point, so I don’t know why it felt so…fast. But they’re married now, so I guess maybe she’s able to give him something I just couldn’t. Anyway, I’m glad Courtney isn’t making this difficult.”

“She said she was happy in New York.”

Elizabeth took the garbage bag from him and tightened the twist tie around the top of it. “What about the boys? Was it good seeing them?”

“Yeah. Michael looks good. I—Sonny told me a few weeks ago there’s been some behavior issues, but he seemed okay today.” Jason stared at his hands. “He ran to me and hugged me.”

“You don’t see them much anymore, do you?”

“No,” he said. “To see them, I have to be around Sonny and Carly, and it just…seemed easier not to be.”

“I figured.” Elizabeth shook her head. “It seems unfair. You started this to protect them and now they’re not even in your life. You’re probably the only stable thing in their life—”

“Bobbie does what she can,” Jason said. “And they still have Leticia. She’s been there since they were babies. I know Morgan is closer to Courtney than maybe to his own mother, because she took care of him so much the first few months.” He glanced up at the blue sky. “They’ll be okay.”

“Maybe. As long as Sonny keeps it together.” She paused, because sometimes it felt like when she asked about Sonny, she was broaching territory that dealt with their business and the last thing she wanted was to be shut down because she wasn’t supposed to know.

“I know what you’re going to ask,” Jason said when she offered nothing more. The corner of his mouth lifted slightly. “And things are okay. This week,” he added almost as an afterthought. “It was a bad fight last week, which usually means Sonny draws back and gets things under control.”

“Is it a good thing that he seems to recognize when he’s gone too far?” Elizabeth asked. “That he’s able to control it?”

“I’m not sure. It’s never been like this before. The slide doesn’t last for months, usually weeks. He crashes, and then it’s…over. I’ve never…I’ve never seen him control it like this before, but I don’t know. The…breaks are coming closer together,” he admitted.

“Almost like a contraction,” she said. “Coming closer and closer together.”

“Yeah,” he confirmed after a moment. “It’s a lot like that. I just…I have to keep it together. Once he crashes, once he’s past that, I know I can make it better. I always do.”

If they had been anywhere but the middle of the park, with members of their families and friends gathered only twenty feet away, trying their best not to look in their direction very often, Elizabeth might have reached for his hand or rested her head on his shoulder—offered him some sort of physical comfort. But she did not want to give Emily any ammunition for her snarks.

And she knew that his belief that once Sonny had fallen over that dark edge, Jason could pull it all back together and cobble together a solution they could all live with—she knew that belief was keeping him from making a move at the moment. He wasn’t quite sticking his head in the sand, but it wasn’t far off.

“What are you doing later?” she asked, wanting to lighten the subject and bring some of the fun back to the day. “Are you busy?”

“No.” He eyed her. “You want to take a ride?”

She snorted. “Like you have to ask. Maybe I can hit Georgie up for that baby-sitting she was offering earlier.”

“That….sounds like a great idea.” And this time he reached for her hand, letting his fingers wrap around her palm.

Looking into his eyes at this moment, and knowing that he had sat through this afternoon despite the knowing looks and leading questions about the relationship, she could almost believe…

That this time would be different.

I’m not the one who broke you
I’m not the one you should fear
We got to move you darlin’
I thought I lost you somewhere
But you were never really ever there at all
– Here Is Gone, Goo Goo Dolls

---

Friday, April 29, 2005

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Carly handed Michael a napkin as he wolfed down his waffles. “Try and breathe between bites,” she instructed her eldest child before turning her attention to Morgan who had recently been upgraded to a booster seat and was spooning yogurt awkwardly into his mouth. “Try not…to wear it all this morning.”

Across the table, Sonny sat silently, sipping his coffee and reading the morning edition of the Port Charles Herald. She wished this felt as domestic as it might have looked to an outsider, but he was silent because they had argued that morning.

She wanted to try in-vitro fertilization and he had refused.

She wanted to go away for a weekend to the island or even to New York City — to leave the boys with her mother and just escape the constant pressure of being Carly Corinthos.

Of not knowing what to do next.

But he had refused.

“I gotta get to school,” Michael chirped, dropping his fork to his plate with a clatter that caused Sonny to flinch. He launched himself out of the chair, stopped for his book bag on the sofa before throwing open the door. “C’mon, Rocco! I’ll be late and today we’re getting a new guinea pig—”

His bright chatter faded as the door closed behind them. Carly turned to Sonny. “He seems to be…better,” she offered.

“Mmm,” Sonny murmured, and Carly scowled, looking back at Morgan. Even his wide yogurt-stained grin couldn’t boost her spirits. Her argument with Courtney earlier that month weighed on her shoulders.

Of course she knew that simply walking into Jason’s penthouse and trying to hint that perhaps the custody arrangement needed to be revisited would never work. Jason was committed to protecting Michael and Morgan. He would never admit the truth of Evie’s paternity if he still thought it might cost the boys their stability.

But Carly was out of options. Having their own child was not going to work. As long as Sonny felt he had abandoned his daughter, the guilt was going to eat at him and push him closer to the edge – a place that Carly had truly only seen once.

And she feared this crash may make that seem like a day at a carnival.

And the only way to eliminate that guilt would be to bring Evie into their family, but Courtney was absolutely right. To have Jason give up another child…how could she ever ask it of him?

But in the last month, she had begun to see a way out. Jason had barely survived the loss of Michael, but Carly knew it was because he’d been alone. Robin had dropped the bomb and fled to Paris, Carly had slept with Sonny, and Jason had had no one to turn to.

Except Elizabeth Webber.

She had seen the two together recently, had heard the rumors.

And Elizabeth had a son.

Maybe…just maybe…if she could be sure Jason would be okay somehow. If she could…lessen the damage, this might work.

And wouldn’t it be in Jason’s long-term best interests to protect Sonny and his peace of mind? Surely Jason was exhausted from the tight rope they had all been walking, wasn’t he?

“Sonny, I’ve been…thinking about Jason.”

Sonny lifted his head from his newspaper and peered at her. “What…about Jason?” he asked, cautiously.

“I don’t like what happened when we saw Elizabeth a few weeks ago at the doctor’s office.” Carly tapped her fingers restlessly on the table, absently pushing her glass of orange juice out of Morgan’s reaching hands. “She and I may have…had our differences, but I think…maybe she could be good for Jason.”

Sonny squinted, and she knew he was thinking her words through, considering them and looking for the catch. “How so?” he asked, finally folding the newspaper and setting it next to him.

“Well,” Carly drawled. “I know the last…God, the last year has been rough for all of us, what with…” She swallowed hard. “Sam and everything. But Elizabeth…and her son…could be just the distraction Jason needs.”

He tilted his head, still squinting. “I’m not following you.”

God. Connect the dots, you imbecile. Carly swallowed the huff of exasperation that crawled up in her throat and smiled hesitantly. “Well, things are tense between you and Jason, because you know how he hurt Courtney with Sam. And sometimes I think Evie’s…as adorable as she may be…is just a reminder of everything that went wrong in your friendship.”

The corner of his mouth twisted into a grimace and Sonny looked out the large picture window that overlooked the park. “You’re not wrong there,” he said quietly.

“But if Jason moves on with someone who isn’t… connected to you. Not your sister, not your…” She wiggled her fingers. “Whatever. Elizabeth is different. And God knows, you…used to like her. I mean, Ric not withstanding.” Her stomach pitched at the mention of the man who had pretended to be her friend only to kidnap her and hold her hostage.

She looked at Morgan, her miracle baby, and took a deep breath. Everything she did to save her marriage was for her boys in the end. Michael and Morgan deserved the best life she could give them. The power, the prestige, the wealth that came with being Sonny’s children. Everything she had never had.

“She did divorce him in the end,” Carly told him. “And from what I can see, has cut all ties with him, so maybe she’s not the moron I always thought she was.” She shrugged. “Anyway, she’s got a ready-made family for Jason. He could be happy with her. Just what you and I want for him, right?”

“Right.” Sonny cleared his throat. “Maybe…maybe Elizabeth is the answer to the problems. She…and her son.” He reached for his newspaper. “We’ll…have to see how it plays out.”

“I guess we will.” Carly sipped her juice, hoping Sonny had seen the connection she’d tried to paint.

If Jason had another child waiting for him, surely…it had to assuage some of the pain she knew he would feel when Evie came to live with them.

And Carly would honor his sacrifice by loving Evie the best she could. She would be the reason their lives got back on track, not just a reminder of that whore and Sonny’s lies.

It could still be okay. Carly just…had to have patience. They were limping along for the moment, and surely, if she held out just a little longer, continued to drop hints in Sonny’s ears about Jason securing his own future…

They could emerge from this dark period without Sonny falling off the ledge.

General Hospital: Cafeteria

Emily set her tray down across from her fiancé and smiled. “So did you confirm with the staff in Greece about our honeymoon?” she asked.

Nikolas sipped his espresso and nodded. “Yes, they’ll be expecting us for three weeks. I’m even…having some rooms redone.”

She nodded sagely. “De-Cassadined,” Emily remarked, tearing the wrapper from her sandwich. “I’ll never understand the preoccupation with dark and gloom.”

“It’s dignified,” her prince said with a straight face. Then he grinned. “Things on track with your bachelorette party?”

“Yep. Elizabeth scheduled it for the week before the wedding. She wanted it to be a surprise but since most of the guests are doctors and nurses, that was out the window.” She eyed him. “And your party?”

“Lucky wanted strippers.” Nikolas paused. “I told him it wasn’t really my scene.”

“So he’ll probably only hire one.” She shrugged. “I’ve been working on the seating chart, but I just…don’t know where to put my brother.” She huffed. “If he and Elizabeth would just…” She wiggled her fingers. “You know, get it together already, I could shove him at her table without them snarking at me—”

“You could probably just put him there anyway,” Nikolas interrupted. “It’s not like Jason wants to sit with his actual family or any of the other doctors. I don’t know why he’s even bothering to come to the reception.”

Emily blinked. “I…may have intimated that you had many single friends coming from around the world. Dark, mysterious men with accents. I suggested introducing Elizabeth to one of them if Jason was sure he wasn’t interested.”

“How is that not meddling?” Nikolas asked, exasperated. “Emily, you promised you weren’t going to nag either of them. Elizabeth all but took my head off last week when I saw her. She seems to think we’re in league together.”

“We are, but mostly because I gave you no choice.” Emily rolled her eyes. “I would not have to…step up my participation if they would just stop dancing around and just admit what the rest of the damn world saw weeks ago—”

“Emily.” Nikolas’s calm voice broke into her rant and she glared at him. “Do you want them to start dating because they were once interested in one another? The way you came home and threw yourself into a relationship with Zander? The way Elizabeth tried so hard with Lucky when he came home?”

She scowled. “No. No, but they’re clearly in love—”

“I don’t know about that,” Nikolas said, slowly, “but maybe they’re creating something new. What they had before? It was there, but it clearly wasn’t strong enough to survive what life threw at them.”

Emily pursed your lips. “So what you’re saying is that if they acted on their attraction now, it might just fizzle like it did before.”

“Or maybe it would work, but Em, you have to trust them to know what’s right—”

“I…” Emily leaned back. “Look, I know you’re right. I just…I get frustrated. I want them to be happy now. Not in five years. If I have to wait that long to be Elizabeth’s maid of honor, I’ll…just wither away—”

Nikolas held up a hand. “First, I get your frustration. But we’re not inside their heads. What the rest of the world sees? It’s just superficial. It’s attraction. I see they enjoy each other’s company. That they have a good friendship, but we don’t know what holds them back. It may be something insurmountable at the moment. Emily, you complained that Carly pushed him at Courtney—”

“Oh, fine. I’ll butt out for a while.” She pointed a finger at him. “But if it we get married and there’s still no change, I make no promises, you understand?”

Nikolas arched an eyebrow. “Fair enough I suppose.”

“But you’re right about the seating. Jason is probably only going to see Elizabeth, they’re friends anyway. Audrey tolerates him now, and Steve doesn’t have a problem with him, so…” She took out a notepad and made a notation. “I’ll do it that way.” She sighed at him. “I just…I want everyone to be as happy as we are.”

He reached across the table, and took her hand in his. “But our road wasn’t easy,” he reminded her. “You were married, I was accused of murder, then I had lost my memory, and we had to deal with Mary…” He trailed off and dipped his head. He raised it and sighed. “Emily, we’re stronger because we got through all of that. We’re going to stand the test of time because I know there will never be anyone I love the way I love you. Don’t you want your brother and our best friend to reach the same realization?”

“God, I hate when you’re logical. Yes, of course, I do.” She grimaced. “You bastard with your sense-making.”

Corinthos & Morgan Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

Jason leaned forward and set a folder on Sonny’s desk. “We found Mickey.”

His partner lifted his eyebrows. “And since he’s not in front of me explaining himself, he’s not available to do so.” He nodded and pursed his lips. “Who’s responsible for his…scheduling difficulty?”

Relieved that today Sonny seemed mostly himself, Jason answered him. “Not us. Johnny and his men found him in the bushes off the interstate. He’d been recently shot in the head.”

“So they kept him alive for two months or he turned on us and they shot him anyway.” Sonny stroked his chin. “We don’t know anything more yet?”

“No…not yet, but I got Johnny and Francis on it. I don’t know if we’ll find out more unless something else happens,” Jason admitted. “We don’t have the same resources the authorities do when it comes to crime scenes and it’s not like they left a calling card.”

“Fuckers never do.” Sonny sighed and leaned back in his chair, perusing the ceiling. “I don’t like sitting back, I don’t like being on the defense.”

“Neither do I,” Jason admitted. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ve got Stan looking into the Ruiz and Zaccharas, but nothing’s popping at the moment.”

“Security still heightened?” Sonny asked. “I know Carly’s guards are doubled, I’ve seen the extra men in the lobby…” He hesitated. “Is…Elizabeth being looked after?”

Jason waited a moment, but decided to trust this stability for however long it would last. “I’m seeing her later today,” he admitted. “I’m going to ask her if she would consider someone more full time, and I’ve organized a man on her house for now, but I don’t want to…there’s been no direct threat against anyone.”

“Right, right. And extra security just draws attention to the people who aren’t fucking with us at the moment.” He rubbed his eyes. “I get we don’t know much about who’s behind this, but, Christ, Jase, there’s got to be something we can do. Some…” His hand clenched in a fist, Sonny dropped it on the desk. “Tell me we can do something.”

“I told Stan to step up, he’s bringing on some extra fire power behind the scenes to cover all the bases. I pulled Jimmy and Roscoe from the warehouse. I put Jimmy on Anthony and Roscoe on the Ruiz brothers. If nothing else, it might help to rule them out.”

Sonny waited a moment. “What about Johnny?”

Jason exhaled slowly. “Like I said, I don’t…consider Johnny part of his father’s business. I don’t see a point in wasting man power. I’d rather pull a third man to cover Javier and Manny more effectively. I don’t think Hector would be involved, but if he is, it’s through his sons.”

“That’s true,” Sonny allowed, “but I think it’s a mistake to exclude Johnny Zacchara from surveillance. He’s in Port Charles often enough. Maybe you’re giving the kid more credit than he’s due. Maybe he’s using the nurse as a shield.”

It hadn’t felt that way then. Nadine had been too green, and Johnny had looked chagrined when Jason had taken him to task for putting her in that situation. Could that have been an act? Would it really hurt to eliminate Johnny Zacchara once and for all from suspicion?

“We can’t rule that out, I guess. I’ll talk to Johnny, see who he recommends—”

“Don’t do it just to placate me.”

Sonny’s tone was low, almost dangerous. His dark eyes snapped to Jason’s and the man he’d been speaking to for the past half hour had vanished. Swallowing, Jason leaned forward. “That’s not what I’m doing—”

“What do you take me for?” Sonny bit out, rising from his chair. “You’ve been telling me for months Johnny ain’t the guy, and now you’re just willing to investigate? What, you think I’m stupid? I don’t see what you’re doin’?”

Slowly, Jason pushed himself to his feet. “No, Sonny. I’m just agreeing with you. Maybe I don’t want to think I’m wrong. I let him near Elizabeth, I allowed him to engage her in small talk, to stay at her showing. If he is involved, he’s aware of her. You think I like knowing that?”

His chest heaving, his eyes blazing, Sonny all but snarled, “Don’t play, Jason. Who the hell do you think you are? You work for me! This is my territory!” He planted a hand flat against his chest. “You fucking taking orders from me!”

“I know. You want Johnny investigated more fully, that’s what I’m gonna do.” Keeping his voice even and hoping like hell his expression was as blank as he intended, Jason continued, “I told you I’m not taking chances with the people who are important to us. I’ve always…made the security decisions. Taken the lead when looking into a threat.”

Sonny stared at him for another long moment before nodding. “Fine. Just so long as you get it.” He dropped back into his seat and something on his desk caught his notice. He stared at it for a moment before raising his eyes. And…there he was again. His partner. His friend.

“I-I’m sorry.” Roughly, Sonny continued. “I just…I don’t want to take any chances.”

That was true, but he and Jason both knew that while the last few weeks had been stable, Sonny’s temper always simmered under the surface. Jason was going to have to tread even more lightly to keep it from being triggered. Too much was at stake.

Old Bridge

As soon as the bike drew to a stop on the bridge, Jason switched off the engine, hit the kickstand, climbed off and stood looking over the side, his hands clenched in fists on the stone ledge.

Elizabeth slowly drew off her helmet and shook out her hair. He’d been pensive since he’d picked her up almost an hour ago, and had taken the cliff road faster than she could remember.

She drew her leg over the side of the bike and joined him. “Can you talk about it?” she asked.

He exhaled slowly and turned to face her, resting a hip against the stone. “Not really,” he admitted. “I’m sorry—I should have canceled but—”

“It’s fine.” She lifted one shoulder in a casual shrug. “I was already free since Steven came over to have dinner and offered to watch Cam. Get some guy time in, he told me.” Looking down at the helmet she still held in her hands. “I guess it’s about Sonny.”

Jason dipped his head, and for a moment, she wish she hadn’t pushed. But he shook his head slightly. “He’s been good for a while. In control. I almost thought…”

“You had your friend back,” Elizabeth finished softly when he trailed off. “I’m so sorry, Jason.”

“It’s getting worse.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “The slide doesn’t usually last this long—he’s holding back the crash, but now he’s switching back and forth. One second, he’s there and the next…it’s like we’re not having the same conversation.”

“I know what it’s like to watch someone change in front of you like that,” Elizabeth said. “I mean, it’s not…really the same, except I suppose it was kind of a mental illness.” When Jason just tilted his head towards her in question, she clarified. “When Lucky was brainwashed. Remember? I told you back then that we’d have these conversations where it felt like we were connecting like we used to, but then he’d just go blank and turn into this other person. This stranger who kept telling me to be with Nikolas. It was…not scary, but just…” She shrugged. “Unnerving.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s the word for it.” Jason was quiet for a moment, the rushing water of the creek running towards the lake the only sound. “I used to be able to keep him steady, to bring him back, but I can’t this time. Nothing I do is making it better, only worse.”

Elizabeth drew her bottom lip between her teeth. “Because you’re part of the reason it’s happening,” she said quietly. She set the helmet on the ledge and stepped towards him. “Jason—”

“I didn’t start this slide,” Jason said, cutting her off. “That was Carly’s shooting and all that crap with Alcazar last year. But…I aggravated it. With…faking the paternity results. And then custody—”

“You didn’t ask for custody of Evie,” Elizabeth reminded him. “If on the day she was born and Sam died, if Sonny had asked you to sign over guardianship, you would have done it.”

“Yeah,” he admitted. “I would…I would have hated it. I would have been breaking my promise, but he…didn’t know what Sam did. He never would have agreed willingly. But…things with Carly and the boys were up in the air and he wanted to keep his family together.”

“But he sees keeping her as a betrayal.” She twisted her fingers together to prevent herself from reaching out toward him. “Jason—”

“It’s nothing new,” he said, interrupting her again. “I wanted to ask you about Milo.”

Elizabeth blinked at the swift change in subject to her part-time guard. “Sure, what about him?”

“I…know he’s only around some of the time. He’s not taking you places or…following you directly.” Jason faced her more fully, and she could read the exhaustion, the misery and the nerves in his eyes. “But I…want him to be more…full-time. For a while. I…assigned another guard to sit outside your house at night, but in his car so Audrey or your neighbors won’t see—”

Security was part of being in Jason’s life and she knew he had enough on his plate. “Whatever you think is good,” she said. “I know you wouldn’t ask if you didn’t think it was necessary. Just let me know what to expect and I’ll do it.”

Jason closed his mouth, the explanations and justifications stopping mid-stream. “Thank you,” he said. “I appreciate it.”

“In return,” Elizabeth said, holding up one finger. “I’d like you to bring Evie—and yourself—to Cameron’s birthday party next week.”

Jason grimaced slightly, which she didn’t take personally as she knew how he loathed gatherings of any kind. “Elizabeth—”

“Hear me out.” She held up a hand. “It’s not a big gathering. We’re going to be here in the park. Emily and Nikolas, my grandmother and my brother, Bobbie, Lucas, Felicia and her girls. I invited Alexis and Kristina, but you know…her husband is staying home.”

He muttered something under his breath, but she couldn’t quite catch it. “Anyway, Jason, it’s important to me that Cameron’s first birthday be filled with the people who are important to us.” This time, she did reach forward and grasped his hand. “You are important to me. I want you to be important to Cameron, too.”

Jason looked down at their hands before raising his eyes to meet hers. There was something in them she could not quite describe. “I want that, too,” he said, his voice dropping slightly. “I-I’ll be there.”

“Great.” Elizabeth squeezed his hands and smiled. “I’m really glad we did this. Tonight, I mean.” Her cheeks heating, she glanced away. “Sometimes I feel like we run into each other accidentally, but…I want to make the effort…to see you more.” Her heart in her throat, she risked a look at him.

Jason looked slightly surprised, but not horrified. He cleared his throat. “That’s…okay.” He was quiet for a moment. “Thank you for listening tonight.”

“Anytime.”

All my senses come to life
While I’m stumbling home as drunk as I
Have ever been and I’ll never leave again
‘Cause you are the only one
And all my friends have gone to find
Another place to let their hearts collide
Just promise me, you’ll always be a friend
‘Cause you are the only one
– One, Ed Sheeran

---

 

Saturday, April 9, 2005

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

When Jason pulled open the door that morning, he grimaced without thinking. When Carly scowled at him, he shook his head. “Sorry. I thought you might be—”

“Someone you like?” she all but snarled as she pushed past him into the penthouse. At the sofa, she whirled around to face him, planting a hand on her hip. “Like that twit Elizabeth?”

Behind his eyes, Jason felt a dull throb begin, but took a deep breath. Once, Carly had been his best friend. He had done a lot to protect her, to take care of her.

In this moment, with the mixture of misery and annoyance flashing in her dark eyes, he wondered if he had just let her crash and burn just once, she’d be a different person. If he hadn’t stood by her when Tony and AJ were on her heels, if he hadn’t blackmailed AJ into giving her custody of Michael, if he had just let her fall flat on her face…

Would she be looking at him this way? As if he was the only one who could fix her problems? As if it were his job, his obligation to fix her life?

He had no one to blame but himself.

“Is there something you need?” Jason asked, glancing towards the stairs, wondering if Nora would remember his instructions. If she heard Carly downstairs, she should keep herself and Evie out of the line of fire. Carly had a way of turning most situations around to Sam when she found herself riled up. She never used the other woman’s names, just a series of colorful epithets most in Port Charles had once—and still might—direct Carly’s way.

She huffed. “Sorry. I don’t…mean to insult her,” she began. The back of Jason’s neck prickled because she was using that conciliatory tone he knew all too well. She had annoyed him and needed to sweeten him up for the kill. “I just…wish you had different taste in women, but I suppose I should learn to fight the battles I can win.”

That would be a cold day in hell, and they both knew it. Forcing his fists to unclench at his sides, he nodded. “Fine. What’s up, Carly?”

“I never see you anymore,” she complained, leaning against the arm of the sofa and pursing her lips into a pout. “God. I thought with Courtney abandoning me for New York, you wouldn’t pick sides. I know you blame me—”

“I don’t blame you. I don’t…” He tilted his head to the ceiling and took another deep breath. Patience. Eventually he would discover why Carly was here. “I’m not avoiding you, Carly. I just…have my own stuff.”

She narrowed her eyes, and he could see the calculation in her eyes. His blood chilled. If Carly was holding herself back from making a nasty comment about the mother of his child, if she had controlled her impulses, then she had a plan.

God help the world if Carly had a plan.

“I know.” She sighed and looked away. Towards the stairs. “I-I’m glad you let Emily find you someone to help. You…were looking tired. I told Sonny to knock it off, that punishing you wasn’t making anything better, but you know when he gets in a mood…” She rolled her shoulders. “And…you know he’s been in that mood for a while.”

“I know.” Jason folded his arms across his chest. “It comes and goes, but it’s not staying away.”

“No. I mean, he’s trying hard to control it, but I don’t think it’s really something that he can…you know…control.” She twisted her fingers together. “I’ve been trying so hard to keep him steady. Concentrating on the boys, you know. So he’s not thinking about you. Here. With Evie.” Carly blinked. “So he doesn’t remember Sam.”

And for the first time, Jason saw something odd flash in her eyes when she spoke of Evie and Sam. Did she suspect? Could she know? “I don’t think you’re going to get him to forget her entirely,” he said carefully. “Like you don’t forget Alcazar.”

“Well the difference with that is I want to.” She straightened. “I’m trying like hell to look forward, Jason. To make Sonny remember that he left her and came back to me. To the boys. I put Alcazar behind me. Why the hell can’t he?”

“I-I don’t know the answer to that.” His mouth felt dry, almost sour. He had never told her of the second affair, had known it would blow the boys’ world apart when it was just being pieced back together. But he knew Sonny had still been drawn to Sam. Had led the other woman on. Had broken her heart all over again.

And Sonny felt betrayed by her. By Jason.

Nothing ate at the core of Sonny Corinthos like betrayal, even if it had been accidental. Even if, in Sam’s case, it had been deserved.

“I really hoped that time would do it, you know.” She shook her head. “I thought that with Sam dead, it would just fade away. Like it never happened. But it’s not. And I’m at the end of my rope, Jason. Sonny is teetering out of control. Maybe he’s okay today. And he’ll be all right next week. But you understand that it’s not going to last.”

“Yeah.” And in the hollow pit of his stomach, he knew this brief moment of calm would end. At the moment Sonny was in control. He knew why they were embarking on this deception, that to preserve the sanity and peace of Michael and Morgan, Evie would remain with Jason. But would Sonny always know that? Always believe things were better this way?

“I have to protect my boys, Jason. They are everything to me. And protecting them means doing what’s best for Sonny.” She looked at him, met his eyes dead on. “And sometimes what’s best for Sonny isn’t what’s best for everyone else.”

And that something odd flashed again. Was Carly telling him she knew? That she had allowed the lie to stand because it was best for her family?

That she no longer believed that?

If Carly knew, then would Sonny come for Evie?

“I suppose you have to do what’s right for you, Carly.” In his ear, he heard Elizabeth’s voice again. When does Evie’s best interests come into it? “And I’ll do what’s right for me and my daughter.”

Her eyes narrowed slightly and then her features smoothed out. “You and Evie are part of my family, Jason. I love you and I want to do what’s best for all of us. I know we can make it happen if we both want it enough.”

He stepped aside then, as if to tell her to it was time to leave. “I’ll see you later, Carly.”

She opened her mouth, but apparently changed her mind. “Don’t be a stranger, Jase.” She pulled open the door and turned back to him. “It’s in our best interests if we keep communication open between us. I’m sure you know what I mean.”

Jason closed the door behind her and leaned his forehead against it. Unfortunately, he had a feeling he knew exactly what she meant.

Hardy Home: Living Room

Elizabeth planted one hand on her hip and eyed the disaster scene of her grandmother’s living room. Despite her efforts in the last three months or so since their things had arrived from California, the house still felt cramped. Overcrowded.

At her side, Audrey sighed and shifted Cameron higher on her hip. “I’m sure his sneakers are here.” She bit her lip. “Somewhere.”

“We need our own space,” Elizabeth murmured. “There’s…just not enough room in my old room or his room for what used to be in our apartment.” She glanced at her grandmother. “Not that I don’t really appreciate your generosity—”

“But you were setting up a life there,” Audrey finished, handing Cameron his pacifier. “I suppose I could try to pack up a few of my things—”

“Gram…” Elizabeth shook her head and moved forward, reaching for a stack of Cameron’s winter clothing that she had intended to store in the basement now that the weather was starting to turn. “I’ve looked at a few apartments. Lofts. Even houses. Nothing…feels right.”

“Perhaps because you know it may be temporary,” her grandmother responded. Cameron giggled as she lightly danced her fingers of his belly.

Elizabeth turned, one of Cameron’s old onesies in her hands. “Why would it be temporary?”

“Well, unless you find something large enough for all of you…” Audrey trailed off with an impish smile and sparkle in her eye. “Unless you intend Cam and Evie to share a room for a while.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and turned back to her search for the elusive sneakers. “Is there some sort of club I don’t know about? Emily promised she would lay off, but still manages to sneak some comments every time we have lunch, Nikolas gives me these smiles as if to say he approves and totally wouldn’t embarrass me in front of a crowd, Steven wants to know when he gets to interrogate Jason…” She huffed and tugged the sneakers from underneath a laundry basket. “Honestly, Gram. It’s…not like that.”

“I’m not suggesting the two of you plan to move in together next week or even the next few months.” Audrey lowered herself onto the sofa and set Cameron in front of her, watching him with a bright smile as he pulled himself up using the coffee table, wobbling on his chubby legs. “But the people who love you are not blind.”

Elizabeth knelt in front of Cameron, holding her hands out to tempt him to take a few steps towards her. “Gram, even if…things are changing between us, I just don’t think…” She met her grandmother’s eyes. “Yes…there are…indications we’re going down a certain path, but we’re both…” She lifted her shoulders. “Apprehensive.”

“And it’s natural, my darling.” Audrey picked up a discarded stuffed animal and smoothed her fingers over the soft fur. “You are both newly divorced, single parents to children you never expected to have…you’re both wise to be cautious. Even to take it slow.”

Elizabeth lifted an eyebrow, knowing her grandmother wasn’t done. “But?”

“But life is short, Elizabeth.” Audrey looked at the mantel, at the wedding photo of herself and Steve more than twenty years ago. “The time your grandfather and I wasted…we never had a child of our own. He took Tommy into his heart and I accepted your father though he was already an adult.”

“But you wish things had been different,” Elizabeth said with a sigh. “That you had had more children.”

“I do, though bless your father, he allowed me the gift of raising you.”

Elizabeth smirked and held up her cell phone, knowing Cameron had a penchant for electronics. “You didn’t always think that way.” Audrey chuckled as Elizabeth continued. “Gram, I do…see what you’re saying. I promised myself during therapy that I wouldn’t lie to myself anymore, even if it made things easier in the moment. It always had bad consequences, and I’m not going to do it. So yes, I care very much for Jason. Yes, he and I have taken rides. We’ve talked. I do see that things are changing, and I’m…not adverse to it. It’s just…there are complications.”

“You’re referring to Sonny and Carly.” Cameron plopped to ground, uninterested in taking his first step this day and chewed on the ear of a stuffed rabbit. “And the situation with Evie.”

“Yes,” Elizabeth admitted. “Though I guess it’s ridiculous to pretend that would weigh on my decision to move forward. She’s a gorgeous little girl that I love spending time with. Even if Jason and I aren’t…seeing one another, his situation would still affect me. Because we’re friends. Because it would affect Emily. I just…wonder…”

“What?” Audrey prompted when she fell silent.

“I know Sonny is…having these odd mood swings,” Elizabeth admitted. “And I can’t say much else because it would betray a confidence, but I also know that I tend to set him off sometimes. When he sees me with Jason and Evie. As if…it bothers him. If I become more involved, if Jason and I…do start really seeing one another…what if it that’s the reason Sonny decides to go after Evie?”

“What would Jason do if Sonny did?” Audrey asked. “Would he sign over custody?”

“I…” Elizabeth hesitated. “I’d like to think no. That he sees what the rest of the world see—there’s a reason Sam went through all those hoops to protect her daughter. I can even relate in a way. I tried to keep Zander away from Cameron because I was so…scared of how his life was falling apart, the violence in him.” Troubled, she dangled a plastic set of car keys at Cameron who giggled and reached for them. “At least Zander didn’t have this other family, didn’t try to make me feel like trash.”

“Do you think Jason’s loyalty will win out?” her grandmother asked.

“I honestly don’t know what Jason would do if he were forced to make a choice.” Elizabeth sighed. “And I don’t think he knows either.”

Monday, April 18, 2005

Kelly’s Diner: Dining Room

Emily slumped into her chair and sighed. “That’s the fourth house we’ve looked at this week, Jase. Why do you even bring me along? It’s not like you’ll suddenly start liking anything I suggest.”

Jason ignored her rant as he settled Evie into the high chair. “I have to take our security seriously, Em.”

“I get that, but I really think you’re asking the wrong person. I thought the house this morning was nice.” She ordered a burger, fries and milk shake from Georgie and considered her brother as he put in his own order. “It had four bedrooms, a nice large room in the back, and a garage for the bike. What else do you need?”

Jason narrowed his eyes. “Why do I need four bedrooms and…” He dipped his head for a moment before meeting her eyes, his exasperation clear. “Emily.”

“Jason.” Emily leaned forward, barely noticing as Georgie set her milkshake and his black coffee on the table. “I’m friends with Elizabeth. There are things I can pry out of her that you will not tell me.”

He hesitated, and Emily knew she had peaked his interest. Jason cleared his throat and looked to Evie, who gurgled and smushed a cereal puff in her mouth. “Emily—”

“I shouldn’t tell you anything.” She leaned back and sipped the milkshake. “I should let you flounder in darkness, but I figure I should cut you a break. And honestly, it’s not much. She mentioned running into you last month after she sold that one painting. You drove her home after a long talk.” When her brother just stared at her, Emily continued. “And that said drive has been repeated on more than one occasion. Like…six occasions.”

The muscles around his mouth tightened. “Emily,” he said again.

“I mean that’s like seven dates.” Emily opened her eyes wide. “In a month. An average of almost two a week. I’d say that’s something—”

“Emily—”

“And really, she looked so happy when we talked about it—”

“I don’t think—”

“I like Elizabeth being happy,” Emily mused as if her brother wasn’t speaking at all. “She’s finally making a living with her art, she has this fantastic son, her family is around her, and now her love life is picking up—”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose, looking pained. “Emily—”

“I know you’re holding back because of your situation,” she said. “Caution is good, especially since Sonny all but foams at the mouth when he sees Elizabeth—”

Jason frowned and held up a hand. “Wait…have you seen Sonny around Elizabeth without me?” he asked.

“Um…” Shoot. Big mouth. “Just…like twice. We were in the courtyard about two weeks ago, and he was coming in with Michael. He just…gave us this weird, dirty look. We ignored him. And over the weekend, Elizabeth brought Cam in for a doctor’s appointment and I guess Sonny was there with Carly and Morgan. Carly may have said something about children of bastards, to which I may replied something about whores and glasses houses—”

Her brother just sighed and leaned back. “I wish you wouldn’t—”

“No one is going to talk about my godson that way.” Emily jabbed a finger at him. “Anyway. It looked like Sonny was going to shut Carly up, but then…I don’t know, Jase, he just…flipped.” She snapped her fingers. “Like that. He accused Elizabeth of scamming you. Of knowing you were vulnerable because of Evie and moving in on you, just like she did when you got shot a few years ago—”

“Christ.” He tilted his head back and took a deep breath. “He…he’s been better lately. Almost in control. I’d hoped…that’s why I started looking for another place. I thought Sonny would be ready to accept things, and that it would better for Evie to be away from…all of it.”

“Well….” Emily drawled. “I don’t know, Jase. Maybe he really can’t control it. Have you ever talked to him about getting help?”

Jason shook his head. “No. He wouldn’t go, so it’s a waste of time. It’s a weakness he doesn’t think he can afford.” He grimaced. “I just don’t want Elizabeth to deal with it.”

“She mostly ignored him. If that’s why you’re holding back,” Emily said, “then that’s just dumb. It has nothing to do with either one of you. Not really.” She leaned forward. “Listen. This stuff with Sonny cannot go on forever. It’ll have to be resolved one way or another. I’d hate to see you pass on a chance at real happiness because you’re trying to save Elizabeth grief in the moment.”

Her brother looked down and took a deep breath. “Emily—”

“I don’t want to be bossy and opinionated, or God, even a nag. I don’t want to push you into anything that isn’t right for you. Please believe me, Jason, when I say that all I want is for you to be happy.” Emily bit her lip. “And I don’t know if you even think you have a right to be happy. Are you trying to punish yourself for Evie?”

“No.” Jason shook his head. “No.” He looked away. “My life…isn’t…relationships don’t work—”

Emily snorted. “Pfft. You just haven’t been with the right woman at the right time. Two years ago? You and Elizabeth were clearly not ready to make the sacrifices needed. She is now. She wasn’t ready for anything strong then. You know that—she was all up in her head about not deserving things and then running around trying to find someone she could save. She’d be the first person to tell you that it wasn’t the right time.”

She blew out a breath, but realized Jason was actually listening to her this time. “And Jase? Two years ago you didn’t trust her to stay. So you went away first. You went and found someone who loved and adored you like a puppy. But Courtney wasn’t right either. You know it’s different this time. I can see it. Every time you’re in a room together, the whole world goes away and you could practically power the city’s electrical grid with the sparks that fly.” She leaned forward. “Maybe it won’t be easy. Maybe it won’t be forever, but God, Jason, you owe it to yourself to find out. You owe it to Evie, because she deserves a happy father who just doesn’t live for her.”

She hesitated again. “And maybe you even owe it to the people who love you. Grandmother watched you beat yourself against the wall every day since your accident, hoping you would find something, someone, that was worthy of you. She remembered when Grandfather blackmailed you when Elizabeth had been kidnapped. She wanted you to be happy. Don’t let her down.”

“I…” He glanced down at his watch. “I’m meeting Elizabeth and Cameron in the park,” he said after a moment. “I’m not going to lie to you, Emily, or insult your intelligence. I have…” He stopped, and she just waited, knowing he hated to open up, hated to reveal anything inside of him. “I have cared for Elizabeth for years, and yeah, maybe it’s different this time. I just…our friendship was sacrificed once before—”

“No, it wasn’t, but I know what you mean.” Emily nodded. “I get it. You’ll do it in your own time, but just don’t look away from it. Love is worth fighting for.”

Jason tossed some cash on the table and unlocked Evie from the high chair. “I’ll think about it, Emily.”

Port Charles Park

Elizabeth had just settled Cameron on a blanket filled with his toys when Jason turned the corner with Evie in a coach. She grinned—the sight of the mob’s toughest enforcer pushing a candy pink baby carriage would never get old. She’d asked him why he didn’t replace with it a different color and he’d just stared at her.

What does the color have to do with anything?

Jason was nothing if not literal. What would she do without him and his deadpan, logic in her life?

She never wanted to find out again.

“Hey, you.” Elizabeth stood, and taking a chance, pressed a kiss to his cheek. He blinked at her for a second and then looked away. If she didn’t know him better, she’d think he was blushing.

He turned to the guard that had accompanied him, instructing him to stand by the entrance to the path. Once he was gone, Jason turned back to her while lifting Evie from the carriage. “Sorry, I just—”

“I’ve noticed since becoming a parent,” Elizabeth began casually, “that I distrust most of the known world. I think everyone is a suspect, a criminal just waiting to snatch up my little boy.” She arched an eyebrow. “You think it bothers me that you’ve got a guard on Evie? I’m not sure I wouldn’t hire a bodyguard for my kid if given the chance.”

Jason released a surprised chuckle as he set Evie on the blanket. The two children blinked at one another, Cameron smiled before offering a block. Evie took it and immediately shoved it in her mouth.

“Ah, friendship,” Elizabeth said, satisfied. She tugged on Jason’s leather jacket sleeve to draw him back several feet to the picnic bench. “They’ll be fine, though I’ll occasionally have to discourage Cameron from wandering too far from the blanket.”

“Evie’s trying to crawl,” Jason told her. “But it’s not going well. She gets on her stomach, even lifts herself up. Sometimes she goes backwards, but it’s going forward that’s taking a while.” His mouth stretched into a smile. “But mostly she ends up on her back, frustrated.”

Elizabeth laughed. “I know exactly what you mean—Cameron did that for almost two weeks before I must have blinked and zoom he was off and, well…” She pursed her lips. “Not running exactly, but he might have if he could figure it out.” She drew her leg up on the bench so she could turn to face him, propping her elbow on the table and resting her chin in her palm. “So, you were meeting with Em and the realtor today?”

Jason sighed and leaned back, his eyes on the kids. “Yeah. But we didn’t see anything that worked.”

“I know what you mean,” Elizabeth replied. “The house is so crowded with all our stuff, but nothing feels right.” She shrugged, not wanting to go further and remember the rest of her conversation with her grandmother. “Anyway, is there a rush?”

“No.” Jason hesitated and glanced at her before returning his attention to the kids. “It might make things worse in the end. I thought things with Sonny were better, but…Emily said something—”

“Oh.” Elizabeth huffed. “She probably made it sound worse than it was. Jason, seriously…” She touched his arm so he’d look at him for a moment. “Carly and I will never be friends. Never. I could literally push her out of the way of speeding train and she’d snark at me about ripping her outfit. As for Sonny…” Troubled, she studied Cameron for a long moment, remembering the Christmas Party and the way Sonny had spoken about her first child, the little soul that had never been given the chance to grow.

“I grieve for loss of the friendship he and I once had,” she murmured. “But I suppose with Ric, with the way I acted when Carly was missing, I don’t blame either of them for not being kindly disposed towards me—”

“Elizabeth, he didn’t blame you then.” Jason leaned forward. “He never blamed you. He knew you were…that Ric had manipulated you. And then once you were in the hospital, he was just worried. When you woke up, you went the police. You tried to help Carly. She knew that then.”

“But then I remarried—’ She stopped. “No. No, I’m not going back to the time. I’ve…made my peace with my choices. With my mistakes. If Sonny still holds it against me—”

“He just…” Jason exhaled slowly. “This situation with Evie is eating at him. I don’t think it’s ever going to get better.”

“I’m so sorry,” she murmured, taking one of his hand in both of hers. “I just…my heart breaks for what you’re going through. I wish I could have done something when it would have made a difference.”

Jason shook his head, watching as Evie scooted backwards, reaching the edge of the blanket. “I’m just…trying to do what Sam would have wanted. She wanted me to love Evie as my own, the way she didn’t trust Sonny to.” He hesitated. “And I know that if Sonny and Carly had Evie, they would raise her to forget Sam. Maybe they wouldn’t ever tell Evie about her mother, and Sam deserved better than that.”

“I know. She sacrificed so much for her daughter, she deserves to be a presence in Evie’s life, even if it’s just a memory.” She sighed. “And things with Carly aren’t getting better?”

“No.” Jason paused. “They’re…I think she knows, Elizabeth.”

Elizabeth frowned and straightened her shoulders. “What do you mean she knows?” Her fingers tightened in his. “About Evie?”

“It’s just…something she said a few weeks ago. It makes…I think she knows and she’s keeping it herself.”

A tingle shot down her spine, a foreboding chill seeped into her bones. If Carly was keeping a secret, then it meant… “You think she has a plan. That if she’s keeping the secret, it’s because it works for her right now.”

“And maybe it won’t forever,” Jason confirmed. He slowly disentangled their hands so he could put Evie back into a seated position, as the six month old had ended up on her back, waving her arms and wailing. Immediately, the infant grinned at her father and picked up a toy boat to chew on.

Once he sat back down, Elizabeth continued. “Carly’s plans never work out for you.”

“No.” He looked away, where the park opened up to the lake and gazebo. “No, they usually destroy my life.”

“Jason, have you thought of addressing it to Sonny? Telling him what you suspect?” Her chest ached, her ears were buzzing. She could see the misery in his eyes, could see he felt as though he were at the edge of precipice—that he might end up the way he had five years earlier, lying, bleeding, and broken in the snow waiting for death to claim him.

“If I did…he might take her,” Jason confessed in a low voice. She leaned forward, straining to hear him. “And if he wanted her, what would I say to him? No, Sonny, you can’t have your own daughter—”

“Jason, it’s not like you to stick your head in the sand,” Elizabeth said. “You’re just waiting for the other shoe to drop—”

“What else should I do?” he asked, meeting her eyes. “That’s what I did with Michael. That’s all I could do with him—”

“It’s different now,” she argued. “AJ didn’t know what was going on. You were perpetuating this huge lie to everyone—but you know that no one really believes Evie is your daughter, including the woman you were trying to lie to the most. Jason, you have legal custody of her. You’d have to sign it over to Sonny.”

“I know. Diane and I spoke about it—” He hesitated and eyed her. “You think I should refuse to relinquish guardianship. That I should tell Sonny no.”

“I…” Elizabeth closed her mouth for a moment. “It would be so easy to suggest that,” she admitted. “But…I don’t know, Jason. I know that if it were just about Evie, then yes. You are absolutely the better father. You would be what’s best for her. But, I know that sort of decision would just…complicate the rest of it. Your job.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “I guess…there are no easy answers here.”

“No. No there’s not.” Sighing, Jason once again rescued his daughter from her turtle-like position, placing her back on the blanket. “Right now, it’s an uneasy silence. Acceptance of the situation. If I can just hold it together until Sonny can pull himself back from the edge, I can talk about it rationally. He’s not happy with Carly, he’s afraid to divorce her. If…he did that, maybe it would easier for him to raise Evie.”

“And you’re still left out in the cold,” Elizabeth told him, aggrieved. “How is that fair?”

“How else is this supposed to end?” Jason asked her. “Do you see a way for me to raise Evie without things blowing up with Sonny and Carly?”

“I…” She sighed and shook her head. “No. I guess your plan is the best. I’m…just frustrated, Jason. I want so much more for you, but you know better than me how the fallout will affect you. I just…I hate to see you hurting. To see you distanced from Sonny, unable to really enjoy this wonderful little girl.”

Because she loved him so much that seeing the pain and misery in his eyes caused her stomach to roll and her chest to ache.

Sighing, she looked away, back at her son. She always ended up right back in this moment, in love with this man whose life was so complicated, he was usually unable to make time for something more.

Why should this time be any different?

Part Two: Redemption

“Bipolar illness, manic depression, manic-depressive illness, manic-depressive psychosis. That’s a nice way of saying you will feel so high that no street drug can compete and you will feel so low that you wish you had been hit by a Mack truck instead.”
― Christine F. Anderson, Forever Different: A Memoir of One Woman’s Journey Living with Bipolar Disorder

---

Chapter Eight

What have I done?
I wish I could run
Away from this ship going under
Just trying to help
Hurt everyone else
Now I feel the weight of the world is on my shoulders
– Get it Right, Glee Cast

---

Saturday, March 5, 2005

The Cellar: Carly’s Office

When Courtney had moved to New York City in the wake of her divorce, she had promised herself and Michael that she would not drift away—she would remain a strong presence in his life, as he and Morgan had already had enough upheaval.

For the first six months—until Christmas—she had broken that promise. She rarely called and visited only a handful of times, but after seeing the slow disintegration of her brother’s marriage and Carly’s behavior, she knew she had a responsibility to her nephews that superseded her own peace of mind.

So here she was again—she now came to Port Charles every other weekend and called Michael three times a week to check up on him.

And nothing had improved. In fact, she knew it was just getting worse, but she still felt powerless to stop it.

Today felt different. Today, as she sat in Carly’s office and watched her sister-in-law pace the small confines of the room, her movements jerky and exuding anxiety and nerves, Courtney wondered if the breaking point had finally arrived.

“Has something happened? I mean, since I talked to you on Wednesday?” Courtney clasped her hands loosely in her lap, trying to exude calmness, but her foot tapped restlessly against the carpeted floor.

“I heard back from the last specialist yesterday.” Carly rested her hands on her hips and scowled down at Courtney. “And there’s nothing wrong with me.”

“Oh.” Carly’s quest for another child continued unabated. When Dr. Meadows had had no answers, she 1traveled to New York City, Boston and Philadelphia for the best specialists in the area. “Are…you going to get another opinion?”

“What would the point be?” Carly huffed. “Five doctors concurred. I’m not the problem.”

“Maybe Sonny is,” Courtney said tentatively. But she didn’t believe that.

And neither did Carly, from the way she snorted. “Please. The man looks at a woman, she gets knocked up.” But then she pressed her lips together, as if she hadn’t meant to say that. “Anyway. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sure it’s just stress.” Courtney took a deep breath. “Carly—”

“Sonny is Evie’s father.”

The words tumbled from Carly’s mouth in a rush, and then both women blinked at one another. Courtney’s palms were clammy. Of course she told herself she had always known, because nothing else made sense.

But to hear the actual words…

To hear them from Carly…

Courtney closed her eyes. “Carly,” she began again.

“And he’s driving himself to the edge over his guilt,” Carly continued. “That’s the real problem. I’ve been ignoring it because I thought I could fix it—”

Courtney leaned forward. “Carly, why…” She hesitated. “How did this happen? Sonny and Jason clearly know the truth, as do you. Why is Jason…”

“I should have said something sooner, I know.” Carly collapsed into her chair, her eyes dark with misery. “I just…I couldn’t. I know it might have saved your marriage, but—”

“Nothing would have saved my marriage.” Courtney bit her lip. “I never really believed it, Carly, but I thought…it was for the best. That Evie would be better off this way.”

“I thought she would be, too.” Carly crossed her arms beneath her breasts. “I thought we’d all be better off with that whore and her bastard away from my family. Jason’s a good man. He’s a good father. But, with Sam gone…”

“Sonny feels like he’s abandoned his daughter,” Courtney murmured. “Carly—”

“I don’t know all the details,” Carly interrupted, “because I’m not supposed to know the truth. Sonny took me at my word that if the kid turned out to be his, I would take the boys and leave. So whatever happened when Evie was born and Sam died, I don’t know. But somehow, it continued.” She pursed her lips. “And I was okay with it. I don’t want her in my home.”

Courtney was quiet for a moment, because she didn’t know what to do with that information. As a woman who would never have her own biological child without an operation or a surrogate, the idea of rejecting a little girl because she was not related by blood, or because her mother was someone Courtney didn’t like…

But this was Carly, and for some reason, this rejection did not surprise her.

“Then it’s for the best that she stays with Jason. Evie should be with someone who loves her.”

“I thought that as well, and when I thought I could fix it by giving Sonny a daughter of our own, that was fine, but…” Carly sighed.

“No, Carly…” Courtney gripped the sides of her chair, leaning forward. “You cannot do this to Jason. Not to bring Evie into a home where she’s just there to keep Sonny sane. She deserves love—”

“I know that.” Carly’s dark eyes bore into hers. “I’m selfish but I’m not cruel. I know Evie’s better off with Jason, but how do I let Sonny continue on this way? Can I let him slide towards the edge, maybe even crack so I can do what’s best for some kid I don’t really care about?” She rubbed her temple. “If it were anyone else but Jason…”

“Carly, he’s your best friend—”

“Damn it, Courtney, I get that,” Carly snapped. “This is killing me, you know. I can’t do anything to fix it. I can’t even get pregnant.”

“Why even tell me the truth?” Courtney asked. “Did you think I might agree to help you with Jason? To take Evie away?” She got to her feet. “Please don’t ask me to do that. Don’t ask me to choose between my brother and Jason.”

“It shouldn’t be a contest.” Carly’s hands were fisted at her sides. “He’s your brother, Courtney.”

“I don’t care if Jason is my ex-husband. We’re not like you and Sonny. We got divorced because it was best for us, and I want him to be happy. I know he wants the same for me. You can’t ask me to tear out his heart.” She shook her head. “I won’t do it—”

“You never gave a damn about Sonny,” Carly accused. “You used him to get to Jason—”

“No, I didn’t, but I’m surprised you of all people think so.” Courtney sighed. “I’m not going to help you, Carly, and I’m doing that for Sonny as well. At the end of the day, my loyalty is to my family. Evie is part of that, and she’s better off away from both of you.”

At that, Carly’s eyes narrowed. “Get out,” she said through clenched teeth.

Courtney did so without a backward glance, only feeling slightly guilty for having taken a stand finally.

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Nikolas suppressed an exasperated sigh when his brother slurped the last of his milkshake and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

Some things would never change.

“I’m telling you, Nikolas. It doesn’t bother me about Elizabeth being maid of honor.” Lucky shrugged and reached for another fry. “We’re friends. And it’s not like we have to do much. I throw the bachelor’s party, she throws the bachelorette. We stand fifteen feet apart at the altar, smile for some pictures.” He snapped his fingers. “Done. You and Emily are giving yourselves ulcers for no good reason.”

“I’m not worried.” Nikolas said. “Emily wants this day to be perfect, so I’m going to make it perfect.” He narrowed his eyes. “Understood?”

“Perfectly.” Lucky leaned back in his chair, his expression sobering. “Listen, I’m sure Elizabeth is telling Emily the same thing right now. It’s not going to be an issue. She and I are friends of a sort. It’s been more than three years since we were close, since we were together. I went to her showing didn’t I?”

“Yes, you hugged her and then barely spoke with her the rest of the weekend.” Nikolas’s restless fingers tapped the table. “Lucky—”

“She’s hanging around Jason again.” He shrugged a shoulder. “And I’m sure seeing me is just a reminder that she chose me once and probably still regrets it.” A shadow flickered over his face and he looked away. “Seeing that painting…the one with the red shoe? I remember that moment like it happened yesterday. Sometimes, it feels like I live it over and over again. I’m freezing, thinking about how annoyed I am that Lizzie the Terror has pulled another trick, another scam, probably trying to make her sister worry. I’m annoyed I finally get Sarah out of the house with me, and she’s only concerned with you…” He wiped his hands on a napkin and looked down at the table.

“And I turn that corner by the fountain, and I hear the rustling. And she crawls out, looking at me like…” Lucky expressed a quick annoyed breath. “Before she was my girlfriend, before we were Lucky and Liz, Liz and Lucky, we were best friends. She knew me inside and out, and I knew her. So I’m not gonna lie. It bothers me that we took any chance of being those people again, of being that close, and ground it into the nothing. We both did that. I guilted her into staying with me, and she listened instead of throwing me into the harbor. So I’m doing her a favor and staying out of her life, and I’m not going to remind her of why she and Jason didn’t work out once. I knew she was in love with him, and I knew how to make her stay with me, so I did it. And I put her on a path that led to Zander and Ric—”

“Lucky, you did not make her do any of those things—”

“The summer she was kidnapped?” Lucky said. “You know why she and Jason weren’t dating yet? Why she was still dancing around him, afraid to really commit to him, letting Zander into her head? It wasn’t because of the danger or Courtney. Not then. It was because I broke her heart that winter, and then I took her trust and ground it into dust. So by the time she was ready to trust, Jason was gone and Ric was there. It’s a little bit my fault, Nikolas. And the only way I can make it right is to stay out of her life the best I can, so maybe she and Jason can get it right this time.”

“All right.” Nikolas hesitated. “But Lucky—”

“Your wedding is going to be perfect,” Lucky told him. “Because Elizabeth and I love you and Emily more than we care about being awkward around each other. I have Leyla, who’s fantastic. We’re different people, Nikolas. It’s going to be fine. We will never be Liz and Lucky again, and that’s a good thing. We’re Lucky and Elizabeth, two separate people with separate lives.”

He cleared his throat. “Now, about the bachelor’s party. How do you feel about strippers?”

Warehouse: Sonny’s Office

There were moments Sonny felt outside of himself, as if he were standing next to his desk and watching his body clench its fists, crumple paper and snap at long-time employees whose loyalties had never been in question.

Today was not the first time he had this eerie feeling, but somewhere inside, he knew these moments were happening too often. That they were coming too close together, almost on top of one on another. He was rapidly reaching the point where he could no longer point to a moment when he could say he had been one hundred percent in control.

When Jason stepped into the room, Sonny took a deep breath and looked down at his customary page of notes. Truck. Rumors. Michael’s behavior. Zacchara. It was an innocuous list of words that would not raise any suspicions should someone discover the pieces once he shred them, but these lists had preserved the peace for the last month.

Since that morning in Jason’s penthouse where he had once again attacked Elizabeth to Jason’s face. Another moment he had not been in control of his own mind.

“Jason.” He cleared his throat, forced his fist to relax and reach for a glass of water. He would keep himself under control. He would not attack Jason for his choices, would not say a word against Elizabeth. He would put his life back on a normal footing, beginning with this moment. “How are things?”

“Fine.” His partner and former friend lowered himself gingerly into the chair across the desk, his shoulders tense. “I wanted to update you on the truck shipment from January.”

“Still no word?” Sonny asked, reaching for a pen to cross the word from his list. “Two months and no trace. Not a good sign.”

“No,” Jason agreed, releasing a short breath. “We’ve combed all the roads from here to Rochester, looked into all of Mickey’s activities. He pulled off in a rest area about fifteen miles away from Port Charles, and then just disappears. No activity on his accounts.” He shook his head.

“Are…” Sonny stopped, because he was about to demand that Jason admit he was right all along and had wasted time dicking around for proof. No. No. That was not the way. Jason had been right to be cautious, had been right to advise patience. He knew that. He did. “I spoke to Hector Ruiz, and the relationship there seems to be unchanged. He does not hold us responsible for Alcazar’s misfortunes.”

Jason nodded. “I got that sense, too. But he’s got two sons who are not so trustworthy.”

Javier and Manny, Sonny knew, were ruthless and would become problematic one day. “I think Hector still has them under some sort of control for now,” Sonny continued. “Feelers to Zacchara’s people were not returned.”

He saw Jason hesitate and that familiar rolling nausea rolled in his abdomen. Jason knew something. Had kept something from him.

Was lying to him—

No. Sonny exhaled on a short breath. No. No. That wasn’t Jason’s style. “You know something about Zacchara?” he asked, trying for a casual tone. When Jason did not tense, did not change his expression, he thought he might have been successful.

“Not exactly. I would have mentioned it earlier, but it didn’t seem important.” Jason leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his denim-clad thighs. “Johnny Zacchara was at Elizabeth’s showing last month.”

All other thoughts flew from Sonny’s brain. “I knew it.” He lunged to his feet. “That slimy little bastard was taunting you, letting you know he knows about her—”

“I didn’t get that impression, Sonny.” Jason’s voice remained calm. Placating. Fucking bastard. Why didn’t he ever see it Sonny’s way? Didn’t Elizabeth’s safety mean anything to him? He was picking the little bitch over Sonny—

God. No. Stop it. Sonny closed his eyes and tried to concentrate again. “Why the hell not?”

“Because Johnny’s known for going to art showings,” Jason said, his voice shifting into wariness. He, too, rose to his feet. “For the last two years or so, since he graduated from Oxford and came back to New York. He’s usually at galleries on the weekends, except when he’s been in Port Charles. I didn’t just take his word for it, Sonny. I looked into it after I saw him there. Her showing was heavily promoted. Maybe he remembered her name being linked to mine, but he went out of his way to introduce me to his girlfriend.”

That got Sonny’s attention, and the red haze cleared. “Girlfriend.”

“Yeah.” Jason nodded. “Nadine Crowell. Works at General Hospital. I figure it’s why he’s been hanging around a lot. She goes to Luke’s with some of the other nurses. I had her looked at. Her sister is an issue, maybe. She’s suspected of some Angel of Mercy killings back in Ohio, but is in some sort of vegetative state in a New York hospital. Nadine is clean.”

“He deliberately showed you his vulnerable spot.” Sonny lowered himself back into his seat. “That’s…that’s a good sign.”

“That’s what I thought. And he’s green. He didn’t know how to introduce her, didn’t know how to prep her for meeting his associates. If he’s working an angle, Sonny, I’m not seeing it.” Jason leaned forward. “I’m not taking chances. I agree with you that Anthony Zacchara is a prime suspect for the problems we’ve been having, just like Ruiz is to an extent. But I don’t think he’d use his son to come at us. Johnny’s not in the business all the way.”

“I get it.” Sonny picked up his pen and struck a line through Zaccharas. “And you wouldn’t put Elizabeth in danger.”

“No.” Jason eyed him. “No, I’m not taking chances with her safety. Even though I don’t think Johnny’s an issue, I can’t say his father wouldn’t find out about Elizabeth. Anthony is crazy and known for having his son under his thumb. I think Johnny’s keeping his relationship away from his father as much as he can, but it wouldn’t surprise me if Anthony had him tailed.”

“And would have had eyes on you at the gallery.” Sonny nodded. He felt good in this moment. There had been a brief loss there, but he could feel that cool certainty filling his veins. He was in control at the moment. He could even see the way forward. A way to maybe heal the breach. “Have you…talked to Elizabeth about the possibility?”

“Not…” Jason paused. “Not in so many words. I told her that I…” He hesitated again. “I put someone on her. Not…to follow her, to drive her around like Carly. But just…to keep an eye on her. I put Milo on her, because she knows Max from before.”

“Good, good.” Sonny nodded. “You guys aren’t…particularly public, but there’s no reason to take chances. And the security at the Towers is still good? We had the annual inspection, but—”

“I doubled the guards on the lobby,” Jason said. “And the guards at Michael’s school, as well as Carly’s club. I thought you might want to put an additional guard on her, but that’s up to you.”

“Right. I’ll talk to her.” This was good. This felt right. God, it felt good to be Sonny fucking Corinthos again. “I think you should consider your own security. At the penthouse. I have Max on my door, and I know it’s just right around the corner, but with Evie there, I—”

“I agree. I talked to Nora, and her guards were also doubled,” Jason told him. “And I’m looking into the available guys to find the right door guards.” He hesitated. “I’m not taking chances with the people that matter, Sonny. I would never do that. Maybe you and I don’t really agree on who the danger is coming from, but we know it’s out there.”

“We do.” Sonny nodded. “And maybe it’s good we don’t know just yet who the bastard behind it is. Reminds us, at the end of the day, we can only trust each other.” He paused. “Right?”

“Right.”

But Jason hesitated a shade too long, and Sonny knew that this moment of control, of understanding, was just that. A moment. They would trust each other to keep the people they loved alive, but that’s where it ended.

And maybe this was part of the new order Sonny would have to accept to retain control and keep the darkness from closing in.

Wyndemere: Sitting Room

Elizabeth knew what the conversation was going to be about as soon as she entered Emily’s sitting room and found her best friend surrounded by magazines and making notes in a notebook.

“Wedding stuff?”

“Yup.” Emily’s smile was bright as Elizabeth joined her on the sofa. “Nikolas and I set the date for the end of May. We have less than three months to pull it all together so I’m hitting the ground running. May 27 will be here before we know it and there’s so much to do.”

“What can I do to help?” Elizabeth reached for a magazine. “I have time on my hands.”

“Oh…” Emily hesitated. “Well, obviously you’re going to be my maid of honor. But um, you know…” She fidgeted a bit. “You know Lucky is going to be…”

“Oh…” Elizabeth shook her head. “You know that’s fine. I don’t even…there’s no awkwardness there anymore. We’re friends now.”

“Are you?” Emily leaned forward, a magazine spilling from her lap to the floor. “I know he went to your opening, and it was all okay, but—”

“But nothing. Lucky and I are friends. Barely that.” Elizabeth reached over to squeeze her friend’s hand. “I promise it won’t be weird—”

“I just…” Emily sighed and looked down at a photo of a bride and groom on a beach. “I just wish sometimes it was like it used to be, you know? The four of us were best friends—”

“For ten minutes.” Elizabeth hesitated. “Em, I spent too many years trying to get back to that point, trying to be that girl again, but I just can’t. Lucky and I…we destroyed any chance of really being friends a long time ago. We’re in each other’s lives now, on the fringes. I’m happy he’s moved on, honestly I am but—”

“I’m not hoping you guys could get back together. I just…” Emily stopped and shook her head. “No. I guess, I just wonder why you guys couldn’t be friends the way you were before you were a couple.”

Elizabeth set a magazine on the table and leaned back against the sofa, pondering the question. Why did she find it so difficult to recapture the camaraderie they’d once had? Forget the romantic entanglements—Lucky really had been one of her best friends.

“Maybe we will one day,” she said finally. “I just know that it’s easier for me to…leave certain things in the past. I’m building a new life for myself, Em, and I just…don’t think there’s space for things like that.” She shifted on the sofa. “I go out of my way to avoid Ric, you know, and he’s doing the same. I was on the elevator to meet my grandmother at the Grille last week, and he was getting in as I left. He just…never looked at me. I prefer it that way, Em.”

Emily frowned. “Let me get this straight. You’d rather Ric and Lucky stay out of your life for the most part, so really what you’re telling me is that romantic reminders are not welcome right now.”

“I guess.” Elizabeth blinked and looked at her oddly. “Yeah, maybe. Ric and Lucky…they represent some of the worst mistakes in my life, some of the really bad decisions I wish I hadn’t made so not having them around right now makes it easier. I know it can’t be that way forever, but—”

“Why doesn’t that apply to my brother?” Emily asked. “He’s a romantic reminder of bad decisions. Why is he different?”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “It’s not even remotely the same. I never…we were never like that. Yes, we briefly…considered going further but we never did. We used to sit and talk or just…take rides. It’s not like that now. We’re not…going down that path, Em. I wish you’d get that.”

“I’m not pushing you,” Emily responded after a moment. “I just…you’re not even listening to yourself. What are you and Jason doing now if not the same exact thing? You talk, and I know sometimes he drives you home on his bike.”

Elizabeth just stared at her. “I—”

“So, it’s exactly how it used to be. You told me that what was going on now…it was just residual.” Emily reached for her notebook. “I’m not saying it’s not, but I think you’re just fooling yourself if you think you and my brother are not heading down the same path. The only thing that is different is where you’ll end up.”

Thankfully, Emily dropped the subject and they moved on to planning a day for Elizabeth to meet with the dress designer, but Emily’s words stayed in the back of her head because they were true. And as much as she had tried to deny what was happening, she knew her feelings for Jason were building again, that she had reopened that part of her heart.

And she thought maybe…just maybe…he felt the same way. She recognized the look in his eyes sometimes, the way he said her name, but she didn’t know for sure. And there was no ignoring the complications in his life. The presence of Sonny and Carly. The situation with Evie.

She was falling in love with Jason all over again, but she had this sinking feeling this time might not be different at all. That his loyalties to Sonny Corinthos might again leave her out in the cold.

But I swear there’s still some good in me
And I think if you stuck around you’d see
All the honest attempts at integrity, I was had
Maybe if you helped me, I’d get it right
– Missy, The Airborne Toxic Event

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Monday, February 14, 2005

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Jason dropped his duffel bag on the floor next to the playpen, set a wrapped canvas carefully against the wall, and glanced over his shoulder at Nora. “Why don’t you go put her in the nursery and let her finish her nap? You can take the rest of the day off. And tomorrow, too. To make up for Sunday.”

“Sure,” the blonde responded, keeping her voice level for once. With the carrier in one hand, she swung her own bag over her shoulder. “And if you think spending the weekend in one of the most amazing hotels in New York with practically the entire day to myself was work…” Nora snorted as she started up the stairs. “I am one lucky girl.”

Jason just shook his head when his nanny disappeared past the first landing. She accepted the strange hours of his job without a fuss and Evie’s last two months had been much better than the first, but…

Sometimes her voice hurt.

And he missed his desk.

He dropped his keys on the coffee table, looking back at the canvas leaning against the wall by the playpen. He’d have Emily help him hang it in Evie’s nursery. He hadn’t mentioned to Elizabeth he had bought one of her paintings, but he supposed it would come up at some point. She’d already read Nikolas the riot act for paying full price without telling her, and then found out Steven had bought one of her landscapes as well.

He wasn’t sure how Elizabeth expected to buy a house and take Cameron on trips without people actually paying money for her work, but he was in no hurry to be on the other end of her annoyance.

He felt the corner of his mouth quirk up as he pictured it. Even if she did look pretty when she was fired up.

Nora stepped off the bottom stair. “I’m heading out now, Mr. Morgan. If you were serious about having tomorrow off—”

“Yeah, yeah.” He straightened. “You were a big help in New York this weekend. Elizabeth…told me you wouldn’t let her pay for taking care of Cameron.”

Nora smiled and shrugged. “He was sleeping when his uncle dropped him off, and sleeping when she picked him later that night.” She lifted a blonde eyebrow. “You already pay me twice as much as I asked for. At some point, it’s just overkill.” She offered him a wave and then closed the door behind her.

Nora was great, but he was looking forward to having the next two days to himself in the penthouse. Without her music playing and her bright laughter occasionally broken up by snorts.

There was a light knock on the door and Jason rubbed his hands over his face. “Yeah?”

The door opened and Sonny stepped in. Jason immediately tensed and rose to his feet. His partner looked calm at the moment, but Jason hadn’t told him much about this weekend beyond his leaving town. “Sonny.”

“You’re back.” Sonny stepped forward and closed the door behind him, sliding his hands into his pockets. He nodded. “Where did you go?”

Though he chaffed at having to report in like this, it wasn’t a state secret either. “I-I took Evie to New York City. Elizabeth had a gallery opening on Friday night. Her family went, Emily and Nikolas—”

“Ah. Elizabeth again.” Sonny glanced around, not having been in the room since Jason had made some changes. He looked at the pink and purple playpen. “You spending a lot of time with her?”

“Not…a lot,” Jason said, keeping his voice light, as if the last time they had discussed Elizabeth Sonny hadn’t accused him of settling for Courtney because of her. “She was at Emily’s birthday party last month. You…know how hard she always worked on her art.”

“Yeah,” Sonny replied. The stillness in his posture radiated danger to Jason, but he just…didn’t know what was going to happen here. He couldn’t read him, couldn’t see the point of this conversation. “Yeah. Her studio was always littered with…” He waved his hand, almost dismissively. “Canvases and paints. Never thought she’d do anything with it.”

“I guess…” Jason hesitated. “She didn’t have a chance before now.” He cleared his throat. “Is…there something you need? I…took Nora with me to New York, so she’s off. But I can….do…something from here. Or I could call Emily, maybe.”

“Nah.” Sonny wrinkled his nose, as if the thought was ludicrous, as if they were still friends and Sonny was merely welcoming him home after a weekend away. “Just…wanted to see where you took Evie.”

Jason squinted at that, because there was something in the wording of that. Something in the question itself. “Okay. Well.”

“Because you know, you didn’t tell me you were taking her,” Sonny continued. He took another step into the room and then raised his chin, looking around. “Where is she, anyway?”

“Upstairs, taking a nap.” Jason took a deep breath. He was used to this, used to Sonny demanding information about Evie as if…he had a right. Didn’t he? Evie was his daughter.

Why does it matter whose blood is in her veins? Does that make him the better man?

He shook his head, clearing Elizabeth’s words from his thoughts. Sonny was going through a bad time right now. He would come around. They would work this out.

Even though Jason knew this would end the way his relationship with Michael had once. A year maybe, at best, to be her father, and then watching another man raise her while Jason played the role of uncle.

How else could it end? Sonny was going to give in to his guilt eventually, and he’d ask for Evie. He’d cajole Carly into coming around, and then Jason would have to give Evie to him.

Wouldn’t he?

When does Evie’s best interests come into it?

“I guess I’m just concerned about you and Elizabeth.” Sonny stepped back from the steps, where he had been looking up, as if toying with the idea of going up them. “Has she seen Evie since the Christmas party?”

“Ah.” Jason frowned now. “Yeah. I guess. At Emily’s party. And we…had lunch with her, Cam and Emily at the hotel yesterday.”

“What does Elizabeth know about this situation?” Sonny pressed.

He rolled his shoulders, getting annoyed now. He hated answering questions like this—he’d felt more comfortable in an interrogation room with Taggart or Capelli than he did right now. “Sonny, is there a point?”

“Because I saw her last week at Kelly’s,” Sonny said, and Jason tensed. His partner held up a hand as if to ward off any complaints. “I said nothing to her. You told me not to, so I didn’t. But she looked at me, and I wondered what she knew.”

“She’s not going to tell Carly anything,” Jason said after a moment. “She doesn’t like Carly.”

“What does she think about it?” The older man narrowed his eyes. “I bet she hates it.”

Jason turned his head slightly, still trying to gauge where this was going. “Sonny—”

“She always hated your loyalty to me and Carly. If you’re thinking of getting involved her again, I’d be careful,” Sonny cautioned. “I’d hate to see her getting attached to Evie, and then…” He shrugged as he trailed off.

“Attached,” Jason said, the word like dust in his mouth. “Like me, you mean. Sonny, I don’t…know what you want from me. You didn’t want to tell Carly the truth, didn’t want to contest the guardianship or termination. Evie didn’t ask for this. Sam wanted me to raise her—”

“You do not have to remind me that the whore picked you,” Sonny snarled, and Jason closed his eyes. Because it was that attitude that reminded him why he was doing this.

Sam did what was necessary to protect her daughter from this man—she had never planned on dying and leaving Jason alone in this mess. He knew that. If she were here right now, the situation would be exactly like this. Sonny on the outside, looking in. Except Jason wouldn’t be the one making the decisions anymore.

He took a deep breath. “Sonny, yes, Elizabeth knows the truth. No, I guess she’s not thrilled about it. But it has nothing to do with you or Carly. She just…” Hated to see him in this situation again, he supposed. Because she had been there through the aftermath with Michael. “She just worries. It’s fine. Like I said, she’s not talking to Carly.”

“No, I guess she wouldn’t do that to you.” Sonny dipped his head. “You know, take a kid away like Robin and Carly did. She’ll just…go find a man to sleep with or something.”

His hands fisted at his sides and Jason found himself taking a step forward before he caught himself. “Do not talk about her like that. You can be pissed at me, you can do what you want to me. But I swear, Sonny, if you keep going after Elizabeth…”

“What?” Sonny lifted his chin in the air, his dark eyes boring into Jason. “What’re you gonna do, Jase? You know I’m right. You always circle around her, she gets spooked and runs to the nearest waste of space she can find. First, it was Lucky, then it was Zander, and then it was Ric. I wonder who it’ll be this—”

“Shut up.” Not because it was true, because it wasn’t. Sonny was boiling it down, making something sound simple when it just wasn’t. It had always been more complicated than that.

And besides, this time it was different.

He took a deep breath. There wasn’t a this time. Not…yet. And maybe there wouldn’t be.

But he was not going to stand by and let this man tear her apart like that.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, Sonny,” Jason said when Sonny said nothing to him, only looked at him. “You had a chance to make this different months ago. When I changed those results, you could have spoken up. When Sam died, you could have said something. You chose to keep it this way. I’m just doing what Sam wanted me to do. I get that it’s going to make things difficult between us, but you made it this way, Sonny.”

He stepped forward. “I take your abuse, I take your calls in the middle of the night for things that can wait a few more hours, I do that because it’s price I’m willing to pay to keep my promises.”

“But…” Jason stepped even closer to him, and first the time in their friendship, he intended to remind the older man why Jason was his enforcer. “You go after Elizabeth—either to my face or to hers—maybe I’ll go across the hall to Carly and tell her about the affair last summer.”

Sonny pressed his lips together. “You’d betray me for her? You’d destroy my marriage for her?” His voice was a low hiss.

“At the end of the day, Sonny, I didn’t steal your daughter,” Jason said, ignoring his pointed remarks. “I have legal custody of her. You terminated your rights, and Sam left her guardianship to me. Keep pushing me. Keeping demanding things I’m not willing to give. I gave Elizabeth up for you once. I’m not doing it again.”

“So it’s like that, is it?” Sonny pursed her lips. “That’s where you’re drawing the line? Over some bitch—”

Jason had to physically stop himself from striding forward, grabbing his former friend by the collar and shoving him against a wall. Sonny was in one of those moods, and a week or a month from now, he’d be sorry he said these things. Sorry he pushed the boundaries of this situation.

“Get out, Sonny. Before I throw you out. We’re done here.”

“Just remember when you’re picking out a new mother for my daughter,” Sonny snarled, “that you’re picking a little girl who can’t handle your world. But that seems to be your type. First Robin, then Courtney, and now Elizabeth for the thousandth time. When are you gonna learn?”

He stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Evie’s startled cries came over the monitor, and Jason just lowered his head, resting his hands at his waist.

…you were always the better man.

He’d felt good walking through that door this morning. His weekend had been peaceful, even enjoyable. He liked spending time with his sister, seeing her happy and glowing in her relationship with the man she planned to marry. He didn’t even mind that he’d been stuck with Lucky Spencer, as the other man was less annoying than he’d been once.

And it went without saying that he’d liked spending time with Elizabeth.

But after a ten minute battle with Sonny, he just felt hollow inside. He knew he was reaching a point where he’d have to make a decision. Most of the time, he accepted that he wouldn’t raise Evie forever, but days like these, watching Sonny’s rage boiling over at a woman who had never done anything to him…

How could he send Evie back to that? Forget his promises to Sam, how could he watch that happen to a little girl who trusted him?

But if he kept her, if he fought a custody battle over her, and won…what would that do to Sonny?

Could he live with himself if he chose to keep her?

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny slammed the door behind him and stalked across the room, reaching for a tumbler of bourbon. What the fuck did he care if it was barely eleven in the morning?

He needed the burning of liquor sliding down his throat.

He downed two tumblers in less than a minute and then pressed the glass to his forehead.

The rage was climbing up from his gut, up through his throat and it would spill over again if he had to talk to one person. It had already spilled over once this morning, and Sonny just knew…

He just knew the next person he went after wouldn’t walk away.

His stomach rolled, and now he felt shaky. He set the glass down and lowered himself gingerly into the armchair, leaning forward with his elbows propped on his knees.

God. Had he just…had he really done that? Stormed across the hall? Demanded to know where Jason was with Evie all weekend?

Had he attacked Elizabeth again?

Had he, though? Because now it felt fuzzy. Like it had happened to someone else. He wouldn’t have said those things about her. He liked her. She’d been good to him once. Had always been good to Jason, and Sonny knew she’d saved his life more than once.

He liked Elizabeth, didn’t he?

No. Sonny shook his head. He didn’t say those things. He must…he must have imagined it. He just…the idea of Jason hooking up with her again. She was a good woman, and she’d make him happy if they would let each other be together. But she would bring her son to Jason and Jason would bring Sonny’s daughter to her.

And the more Jason built a life for Evie that had nothing to do with Sonny, the more Sonny realized how much he was losing.

He wanted his daughter. He was coming out of his skin knowing she was across the hall and didn’t see him as her father. That she looked to Jason with her smiles and her laughter.

It should be him.

It would have been him, but Sam stole that chance from him. Because he wouldn’t be with her, wouldn’t give in to her ultimatums. The little god damn con artist had probably been playing him all along, but maybe she’d seen Jason across the hall and went for a bigger mark. He was lonely. Liked kids. Dealing with a divorce.

It was Sam’s fault. She’d played them both, and then she had destroyed their friendship by making Jason feel guilty, making him take Sonny’s daughter.

None of this was Jason’s fault. He had to remember that. Sonny had walked away from his family, started up with Sam, and shoved her back out in favor of Carly. Jason had been trying to protect the boys. He was trying to protect Evie.

Because that’s what Jason did. He protected Sonny’s family, even from Sonny himself.

He had to remember that. Had to remember Jason wasn’t the enemy. That he had a right to be with someone else. Even if it meant Evie had another parental figure in her life.

Sonny closed his eyes and took a deep breath. That…fight earlier had been…it had just been a gigantic mistake. He’d only gone to say hello, to put them on a normal path. But he’d heard Elizabeth’s name and a red haze had come over him.

Why did it bother him so much?

“Sonny?”

He glanced over to find Carly stepping off the bottom stair, her dark eyes questioning. “Morgan’s napping—you woke him up with the door slamming.”

“Sorry.” His voice sounded rusty, as if he hadn’t just been arguing with Jason. “I…was with Jason.”

“Oh, then he’s back.” Carly stepped forward, and he looked at this woman for whom he had given up his daughter.

God, he couldn’t remember why anymore. He had trashed his friendship with Jason over this woman years ago. He’d fallen in love with her, hadn’t he?

He was almost sure of it.

“Where was he?” Carly lowered herself onto the sofa adjacent to him. “He’s not one for going out of town.”

He had been once. When he’d had his own life. He’d gone out of town with Robin more than once. Sonny shook his head. “I, ah, he went to New York City. Elizabeth Webber’s…I think he said she had a show at a gallery.”

“Oh, he’s not getting wrapped up in her again is he?” Carly demanded, her voice like daggers in his brain. “He can do so much better. Now that the whore is dead, I think Courtney should move back home. She’ll love Evie, and they can fall in love again over her—”

“No.” Sonny snapped his head around to glare at her. “No. Courtney and Jason are done. He doesn’t love her.”

“Well he doesn’t love the twit either,” Carly retorted. “I’m going to have to keep him—” She closed her eyes. “No. No, It’s not my business.”

Sonny frowned. It wasn’t, but it wasn’t like Carly to admit something like that. “When has that stopped you before?”

“Jason has done enough for me.” Carly blew out a huff. “He’s devoted himself to me and my boys.” Her mouth twisted into something he might have called a sneer. “To you. He has a daughter now, Sonny. He should…be happy. Even if it’s with some little girl who doesn’t deserve him. He has his own family, Sonny. We should worry about our family. The boys.”

“Right.” God, she was right. Hadn’t Jason sacrificed enough for him? Hadn’t he given up his son, allowed him to be raised by Sonny when he could have just taken custody back after they’d blackmailed AJ?

There was a sweet justice in this. They had traded children. It was fair.

Carly leaned forward, and he should have been suspicious of the light in her eyes. He was too tired to care. “Sonny, I saw Dr. Meadows a few weeks ago-”

He exhaled slowly. “Carly, I know…you think another baby…and I agreed if it happened naturally, we’d…do it, but I’m thinking it’s not a good time.” He hesitated. “Unless you’re already pregnant.”

“No.” Her back snapped straight. “No,” she all but snarled. “Dr. Meadows says she doesn’t know what’s wrong with me. If I want a baby, I might…have to do in vitro. Or something.”

“No.” Sonny shook his head. “No. There’s…no rush, Carly. We…have enough going on as it is.” He didn’t want another child with this woman. He’d only agreed to keep her here to keep the boys with him. It was about the boys. They were his boys.

She had betrayed him too often, and he could never be sure if she would betray him again. And every time they split up, he had an affair with another woman that just seemed to make it worse. He couldn’t do that again. Something in him called to Carly, called to this selfish, destructive woman.

Because she was just like him. He’d seen that in her once, and it had repelled him. Had excited him.

And now it just exhausted him.

“We’ll…just let nature take its course.” Sonny rubbed his mouth.

He did not want any more children. He was destroying the ones he had as it was.

He knew that leaving Evie with Jason was the best thing he could do for her, the least selfish thing he had ever done in his life.

But he was beginning to accept that the decision was going to destroy their friendship, and maybe even him in the end.

Thursday, February 25, 2005

Elm Street Pier

At the end of a long day at the warehouse, Jason paused before going up the stairs and walking the short distance to Harborview Towers and everything that waited for him there.

Sonny and his tense silences. Since the blow up the week before, his partner had gone out of his way to avoid him but Jason knew it was just another lull in the storm.

Carly and her suspicious looks. He wasn’t spending time with her or the boys, and that alone should make her wonder, but he couldn’t bring himself to look Carly in the eye without being swamped by his lies.

Evie and her smiles. Because she wasn’t his to keep, and he knew that. It was Michael all over again, except maybe this was worse because he had gone into this with his eyes open, knowing he loved her, knowing he wanted to raise her, and knowing that it could only end in devastation.

So instead, he stood here at the end of the pier, avoiding everything waiting for him at home. He was tired. Down to the bone exhausted, as if the fatigue had seeped inside and taken up permanent residence. He was sleeping, but every morning he woke up and it was always the same.

He heard footsteps behind him and turned, relieved to see that it was Elizabeth who had just stepped off the stairs with a smile on her face.

Not just relieved. Something a bit more that he wasn’t comfortable examining at the moment.

“Hey.”

“Hey.” Her smile was easy as she approached him. “I just got back from New York and I was hoping to run into you here.” He remembered now that she and Cam had intended to remain in the city for paperwork, some press maybe. “How…are things?”

“They’re…” He hesitated, almost ready to tell her that they were fine. But they weren’t. And he knew she would see that in his eyes, hear it in his voice. “They’re mostly the same.”

“Hmm…” She nodded. “Well, I suppose there’s some good in that—they’re not worse, at least.” She tipped her head to the side, as if considering him. “But you look like something happened.”

“Just…another argument with Sonny.” Jason stepped towards her and gestured towards the bench. “Do…you have to be somewhere? Is it too cold to sit for a minute?”

“Nope. I’m immune to these winters.” She waited until he was seated beside her on the bench. “I won’t bug you about Sonny. I just wanted…to thank you for coming to New York again. To have all the people who matter so much to me in the same place, supporting me…it meant so much.”

“I had a good time,” he told her, and he wasn’t exaggerating that. Emily had been right—getting out of Port Charles even for a few days had been a good idea. “Did…the show go well?”

“It went…” Her smile bloomed again. “It went really well. I had about thirty paintings hung and the gallery sold fifteen of them before the end of the night, and then another five since. It’s…my agent told me I’m a smashing success.” She bit her lip. “I made a lot of money, Jason. I don’t…know what I’m going to do with it all.”

But behind that broad smile, there was something in her eyes. He leaned towards her. “Is…is it the money? Is that what’s bothering you?”

Elizabeth huffed, a small chuckle escaping her lips as she leaned back against the bench and stared ahead, out over the gray waters. “God, you always know. How…?” She shook her head. “No…it’s not the money. The paintings that were sold…”

“Is it hard to part with them?” he asked. “I…based on the ones you showed me, I know they were personal.”

“It’s…part of it.” She drew her bottom lip into her mouth and hesitated. “There was a painting of the fountain in the park. And the bench. And a broken red shoe.” She glanced at him. “From…the night I was attacked.”

“I…” He nodded, because he hated talking about that. He had known for years that she’d been raped in the park when she was a teenager, had felt sorrow when Emily had told him about it, but once he begun to spend time with Elizabeth himself, it was more difficult to know it. To know she’d been violated and hurt like that. “Okay.”

“It felt great to paint that night, it really did. I’d always been scared before, but…” She hesitated. “When I was in California, at first, I stayed with my mother’s sister. My aunt Wendy. We were…kind of close before she and her husband moved to San Francisco when I was eleven. So one night, not long after I got there, she found me…” Elizabeth shifted on the bench. “She found me crying in my room.”

He said nothing, because there was nothing to say. Just waited for her to continue. “And she put her arms around me, and just…let me finish crying. She asked me what was wrong and I couldn’t tell her.” Elizabeth tilted her head up, the white skin of her neck stretching taut. “Because there was so much wrong. I had…made so many mistakes, walked down so many paths that I just…I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was going to be a mother soon, and I felt like such a failure.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I know I wasn’t.” She said this quickly, as it stave off his words. “I know…I was doing the best I could, but I still…” She hesitated. “Anyway, Aunt Wendy suggested I talk to someone. I started with someone at a local shelter, but then Ric’s alimony came through and I decided the least he owed me was a good therapist.”

And this did make him smile just a little, because as always she was finding the silver lining in situations that had none. “The very least.”

“I saw her a few times before Cameron was born and then…God, all the time during the summer.” She shifted on the bench, turning slightly to face him, looking at him. “And she’s the one that encouraged me to stop holding back. I had never painted that night. I had stopped myself from painting the worse moments, from letting those go on paper. She told me that I was an artist. And artists used their emotions in the work. Writers, singers, poets—they all drew on their experiences. Why shouldn’t I? So I did. And I went home, and I sketched that night in the park, because it’s where it started.”

“What started?” Jason leaned in.

She hesitated, and he shook his head. “Never mind. You don’t have to tell me anything—”

“Feeling broken,” she murmured. “Feeling damaged. I used to think Lucky put me back together, only to die and shatter the pieces again. And then I started to think maybe I had never been put back together. Or like I had glued them together wrong. Or…messed up the puzzle. I kept trying to go back to Lucky when he came home, like I was jamming in a piece that just didn’t fit in anymore.”

She sighed and looked away. “That’s what I realized last year…that I had put it all away. Locked it up in a box inside my head, but I had never done anything with it. I stopped trying to heal when Lucky died, and when he came home, I was too busy trying to fix him to fix myself.”

“You didn’t need fixing,” Jason said, stubbornly, not liking the way she was talking about herself. “You were not broken—”

“Maybe not,” Elizabeth allowed. “But I felt that way. I felt broken and damaged and dirty. And it never went away. It’s why I kept going back to Lucky, because I wanted him to finish the job we’d started when we were teenagers. Because being with him, before the fire, was the most normal I had felt.” She hesitated. “It’s why I couldn’t…let go of you because being friends with you had also made me feel normal. But I didn’t know how to balance it out. How…” She shook her head. “But I kept sabotaging both relationships. I never really committed to Lucky or the thought of being with you because I knew I didn’t deserve either of you—”

“Deserve—” Jason straightened his shoulders, taken aback. “Elizabeth—”

“And I thought I deserved Ric.”

Her voice was low, so low he almost didn’t hear the words. “You did not deserve Ric Lansing,” he said fervently. “Not even a little bit—”

“He was damaged, too, you know. And I thought…I had done nothing but bring pain to the people I cared about. I should be with him. He needs me. I can save him, and if I can save him, I can save myself. I can be whole again, if I can put him back together.” She eyed him. “I know it sounds ridiculous. I know that, now. And I’m glad I walked away before Cam became part of that. I know I—” She hesitated. “I know I’m not broken. Not even a little bit. But I had to work that out for myself.”

“And you did.” He nodded, because he could see that in her eyes. The sense of resilience that had been missing for so long, since the first time they’d been friends. “Good.”

“So that painting was special to me in a way I didn’t realize,” Elizabeth continued. “I was working on a sketch of it, sitting at Fisherman’s Wharf when my agent found me. He was on vacation, and just wandering past my bench, when he saw it. And he offered me ten thousand dollars for the finished painting.”

The embarrassment in her voice confused him. “You didn’t think it was worth it?”

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “But I told him I wasn’t sure I wanted to sell that. He told me that I should be on the walls of galleries. I was nervous, because he was a stranger so he gave me his card and told me to call the number on it to verify him. It was a gallery in New York I’d heard of—the one I had my showing at. He was the real deal, Jason, and he told me I was good.”

She bit her lip again. “So I signed a contract and he advanced me some money to rent a real studio, to buy real supplies. And I just….I let myself go. I painted all the moments that I thought broke me. And every time I finished another one, I realized I wasn’t damaged after all. I wasn’t dirty. I was…someone who deserved a good life. A happy one. With my son.” She stretched her gloved hands in front of her, as if considering them. “I used to think Lucky put me back together after I was raped. But he didn’t. I did it. I did it one day at a time, one painting at a time…” She hesitated. “And now other people own those memories.”

She looked at him. “Jason, the painting in the park? It sold for three hundred thousand dollars. There was a bidding war on it. I…profited off that night—”

“No.” He shook his head. “You just painted it. You didn’t decide its worth. Other people did that.”

Elizabeth blinked at him, and her broad smile came back. “Of course. It’s so simple, isn’t it?” She sighed. “You always put it into words I just can’t and it makes so much sense when you do.” She pursed her lips. “But still, someone chose that painting. What does say about them?”

“You told me art means different things to different people,” Jason said. He reached for her gloved hand and intertwined their fingers. “So maybe it something to them that was different. I…bought one of your paintings.”

Elizabeth furrowed her brow. “Jason, you didn’t have to buy—”

“I bought the one you painted with the hands. The one that reminded me of Sam and Evie.” He cleared his throat, feeling almost embarrassed about it now. “I want to tell Evie one day how much her mother loved her, because she should know that. But I didn’t…have the words. But when you talked about your painting, I could picture that moment in my head, and I thought…maybe if Evie looks at that painting, she’ll be able…” He hesitated. “I can tell her what you were thinking, and she’ll…I don’t know. Be able to feel it.”

Her cheeks were read, her eyes were shining. “Jason, that’s…God. I don’t…even….You, Nikolas and Steven, I would have given them to you. I was sad when I found out that one had sold, but knowing it’s with you, and it’s for Evie, that makes such a difference. I would have given it to you, you know that—”

“You deserve to make a life from your art,” Jason told her. “Nikolas and Steven felt the same way.”

“Nikolas bought a painting I did the night Emily almost died. I painted…” Elizabeth hesitated and he watched her eyes drop to their hands. “I painted that night in the chapel. It’s just…some candles in the foreground, they’re the focus, and there’s…two shadows in the back. It’s…you and me. I wanted to keep that one, too. Nikolas bought it because it reminds him he and Emily are strong together, but I…liked the memory of that. That despite everything we’d been through, we could still be there for each other.”

“I like that memory, too,” he confessed, feeling the slight weight of her against him. She had continued to shift towards him during the conversation until the empty space had disappeared and one of her knees was pressed against his own.

“And you’re right,” Elizabeth said, with a firm nod. “Maybe the red shoe painting holds a special meaning for the owner. I’m…not that broken girl in the snow anymore, and I don’t need the painting to remind myself of that.”

He got to his feet. “Do you need a ride home?”

Elizabeth arched a brow as she, too, stood, their hands still clasped together. “Do you have your bike?”

He laughed now, realizing that the fatigue and sadness he’d been feeling before she had shown up had disappeared. “It’s at the Towers. We can go get it.” He shook his head. “Some things never change.”

Her smile was even brighter now, probably by the thought of a ride for the first time in nearly four years. “The best things never do.”

Continued in Part Two: Redemption

All this time we were waiting for each other
All this time I was waiting for you
We got all these words, can’t waste them on another
So I’m straight in a straight line running back to you
– All This Time, OneRepublic

---

Friday, February 12, 2005

New York City

Waldorf Astoria Hotel: Jason’s Suite

When Elizabeth had seen Jason’s name on the RVSP list the gallery had sent her earlier that week, her first thought had been to murder her best friend.

Emily staunchly told her that she had honestly not convinced Jason to go. He had decided on his own. Elizabeth wanted to believe that, but she knew her best friend better.

She raised her hand to knock on the suite door and hesitated when a bright, bouncy young blonde woman pulled open the door. “Hi!”

“Uh.” She blinked. Why was it always blondes? “Hello. I…” She couldn’t have the wrong room. Nikolas had rented the entire floor. “I’m looking for Jason.”

“Oh. He’s just giving Evie her breakfast.” The woman stuck out her hand. “I’m Nora Rogers.”

Nora. The nanny. Right. “Elizabeth Webber,” she replied, gingerly shaking it.

Nora’s green eyes widened, and her smile deepened. “The artist Mr. Morgan is here to see! Oh, it’s so awesome! I’m from New York, you know, but I have never stayed at a hotel so amazing!” She stepped away from the door and waved Elizabeth in. “Come in, I’ll go get Mr. Morgan.”

Nora had disappeared into another room before Elizabeth could protest. How did Jason put up with such cheerfulness? She could practically see the exclamation points over the woman’s head.

A few seconds later, Jason emerged from the room. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Elizabeth hesitated, because now she couldn’t quite remember why she had stopped by. She should have talked to him in Port Charles, thanked him there instead of coming to his room, but everything had been so hectic these last two weeks. “I…stopped by to thank you for coming. I…didn’t think you would.”

“Yeah.” Jason looked slightly uncomfortably. He glanced over her shoulder at the still open door, where they could hear Nora’s voice wafting through. He took her by the elbow across the room and through another doorway into what looked like his bedroom. He closed the door. “I talked to Emily.”

Elizabeth huffed. “I knew it. She swore she had nothing to do with it, but she’s a Quartermaine. They somehow lie and tell the truth at the same time—”

He held up a hand. “No. I mean, yeah, she did kind of…she made me realize that…” He dipped his head and looked at the floor for a moment before raising it back and meeting her eyes. “We say we’re friends again. We talk. But you didn’t think you could even invite me tonight because I might feel obligated to show up.”

“I…” Elizabeth bit her lip. “It’s just…it’s not your thing, you know? And I know you…might come just to…” She shrugged and looked away, over his shoulder. “I don’t know. I guess…I’m out of practice being part of your life.”

“And my first instinct was to not come,” Jason admitted. “But I really am happy for you. About tonight. And not that long ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated to accept. This is important to you, and you…” He paused, and his voice changed a little. “You are important to me.”

Oh, hell. She was really going to murder Emily now. Making her admit that there was still…something here—even though Elizabeth was convinced it was residual and would go away if she just ignored it—made her more aware of it when it happened.

But that stupid, ridiculous flutter had been ignored for years and yet, there it was. It had survived despite her repeated attempts to drown it.

Nervous, she licked her lips. “I wanted you to come,” she admitted. “Because I…you were one of the first people to believe in me. Apart from Lucky. Even when you didn’t understand the paintings. So…I’m glad you came.”

She broke eye contact, because her stomach was rolling and almost doing somersaults. “Anyway…that’s why I’m here.”

“Okay.” He looked slightly relieved that she had changed the topic, which confused her because hadn’t he drowned out those feelings, too?

Bad road. Stay off that road. She cleared her throat. “So…I’ll just go—”

“Did Emily talk to you about Nora?” Jason stepped in front her as she headed toward the door. “She told me your grandmother and brother were going to split baby-sitting Cameron, and she thought if…you were okay with it, Nora could look after him.”

“Oh.” Surprised, Elizabeth rocked back on her heels. “I, ah, that would be…if she doesn’t mind. And if Cam likes her, though he likes almost everyone. He even liked Tracy—” Stop rambling. “I have to be at the gallery at six, but the opening doesn’t start until seven, so maybe Em or Steve could drop him off before they leave…” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “If she’s really okay with it.”

“She said it was fine. She was going to be here anyway with Evie because I didn’t want to leave her overnight.”

They just stared at one another for a minute before she offered a nervous smile. “So. Okay. I’ll go now—I have some things to do—”

He nodded and pulled open the door, stepping back to allow her to leave the bedroom. “I-I’ll see you tonight.”

She nodded and escaped the suite before this became even worse. Stupid flutters. Stupid change in his voice. His stupid eyes and the way he always looked at her.

Stupid girl for letting Emily open this door and then walking right on through it. This was only going to end in disaster, as it had the other eight thousand times they had walked down this road.

Why should this time be any different?

Harris Gallery: Front Room

She had once been a brilliant actress, able to paste a genuine smile on her face at the drop of hat. It had come in handy during her brief modeling career, though the camera had pretty much loathed her.

As another person came up to her to admire her brilliant work and then ask for more details behind the painting with the red shoe, or how about the one with the flames, she thought the smile might crack.

The door opened and she almost groaned in relief as she saw her grandmother’s silver hair and her brother’s curls stepping into the lobby. “Excuse me,” she murmured to someone waxing poetic about the hidden subtexts in one of her San Francisco landscapes.

“Gram!” She embraced Audrey fiercely. “Thank God you’re finally here.”

“What’s wrong, Bits?” Steven asked as Elizabeth turned to hug him. “Not enjoying your fame?”

She wrinkled her nose. “I’d rather no one knew who I was, but so far everyone has been nice.” She grinned when she saw Lucky and his girlfriend, Leyla Mir. “Hey, good lookin’.”

“Hey, you.” Lucky wrapped his arms around her tightly, and into her ear, he whispered, “This is everything I ever dreamed for you, you know? I am so goddamn proud of you, Elizabeth.” He drew back, and for just a moment, Elizabeth let herself be that girl again.

“It’s so exciting,” Leyla murmured in her delicate British accent. She wrapped her arm through Lucky’s. “Shall we look around?”

“Yes, yes.” Elizabeth waved her hand. “Mingle. Don’t crowd me or people will think I’m someone worth talking to.”

Emily and Nikolas entered next, with Jason just behind them. Emily’s eyes took in the high ceilings of the room and the canvases on the wall. “Holy crap, Elizabeth. You’re a real artist now.”

Elizabeth laughed and hugged her tightly. “I know. People are calling me brilliant and saying I’m the next fill in a name of an artist I can never possibly hope to emulate.” She turned to Nikolas. “Thank you so much for coming, and for the hotel, Nikolas—”

“Only the best for the next most famous artist.” He kissed her cheek. “I’m going to take Emily and we’re going to buy something for my office so everyone will envy my Webber original.”

“Oh, no…you don’t have to—” Elizabeth sighed as the two just smiled and started down towards one of the displays. “Bastards,” she muttered under her breath.

She turned to her last visitor and that freaking flutter started again. Jason Morgan in a leather jacket and t-shirt was hot enough, but in a suit? There was no equal.

She took in his hesitant stance and stepped forward. “You clean up nice.” She leaned up on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “Thanks for dressing up. I know you hate it.”

“It’s…only for a few hours.” He smiled. “You look…” He glanced at her strapless black dress that fell to her knees and her silver sandal heels. “You look beautiful, Elizabeth.”

Hell. The way he always said her name. She was fighting a losing battle and she knew it. “Thank you.” She reached, out of habit, to tuck a piece of hair behind her ear but none had escaped the knot of curls at the base of her neck. “Um. So I have a favor to ask of you.”

“Anything.”

She looped her arm through his and steered him deeper in the room. “So people are coming up to me, you know, because they know I’m the artist, but they’re asking all these deep, personal questions about why I painted some of the things I did…a-and I don’t want to answer them.”

“I can tell them to go away if you want,” Jason said in a tone so serious that she knew he was telling the truth.

She laughed. “No, I think…if I just stick with you, people won’t even bother coming near me.” She arched her brow at him. “You’re pretty intimidating, you know.”

“I’ve heard that before,” he said with a nod. “So you just want to use me?”

“Would you mind?” She asked with a bright smile. “I’m glad people like the paintings, but like I told my brother, I’d rather people didn’t know who I was. It’s not about me. It’s about the work.”

“I don’t mind.” He hesitated. “But you have to do something for me.”

Just this once, she wanted him to be the kind of guy who might ask for something completely indecent in return, because with the way he was looking her, she would definitely agree.

“You know…I have trouble with the paintings, so if you could…” He gestured towards the walls. “Tell me some of them. So I could understand them. Like you did with the Wind, remember?”

And just like that, Elizabeth stopped fighting the battle.

Maybe she wasn’t still in love with Jason Morgan, but she could see it happening again. And for some reason, in this moment, it didn’t seem so terrifying.

“Absolutely.” She nodded. “Where do you want to start?”

“How about with one of your favorites?” he asked.

“Sure.” She steered him into the next room and stopped in front of a canvas that still made her chest tighten when she saw it. “So this one…It’s called Anticipation. Do you see the peach and grays? They come out of the lower left corner and reach into the middle of the painting.”

He nodded, and squinted “Yeah.” He hesitated and looked at her. “Are…they hands?”

She beamed. “Yes! There’s a shadow in the upper right, coming towards them. It’s my hands reaching out for Cameron right after he was born, but just before I held him.”

She closed her eyes remembering that moment. “Everything just…bubbled up inside of me. I was so ready, so incredibly focused on being a mother. I was ecstatic and I was terrified because this little boy was going to depend on me for so much. I was sad because I was alone, but then I realized I would never be alone again.”

She opened her eyes and looked up at him to find him staring at her intently. “It’s the moment I think I really grew up and realized that absolutely everything in my life that led me to this point was so worth it. The pain, the trauma, the good times, the bad. If it brought me to my beautiful little boy, there isn’t a single thing I would take back. I had no more regrets, because if I regretted something, it meant I regretted him.” She cleared her throat, feeling her eyes almost burning with the memory. “I have never loved anyone in my entire life the way I love my son, Jason. I know you know what I mean.”

“I-I do.” He hesitated and glanced back at the canvas, as if seeing it for the first time. “I didn’t…consider Michael my son the first time I held him, but I knew he was dependent on me and I…didn’t know what came next. But it…” He paused. “It also reminds me of Sam.”

“Yeah?” She reached down and twined their fingers together. “When Evie was born?”

“Yeah.” He took a deep breath, and his voice faltered a bit before he could begin again. “She held her just once, you know? I had-I had to help because she was so weak, but she wanted to hold her. So one day, I can tell Evie that her mother loved her so much that she used what was left of her strength to touch her, to kiss her and promise her she would always be with her.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes, grateful for tear-proof mascara. “I can’t imagine the pain Sam must have been feeling, knowing…she would never have more than that one moment.”

“People…I know they think Sam and I…that we were…we weren’t, but we were friends. And that moment…it’s why I promised her. Sonny and Carly…would not raise Evie up to remember Sam. Not…the way she should know her. They tell Michael AJ is someone to be scared of, to run from.”

He hesitated. “AJ’s…he’s not…he would never hurt Michael. He might not…be a good person most of the time, but I know he’s not cruel or malicious, but that’s how Michael thinks of him. As a monster.” He shook his head. “I can’t let Evie think that after everything Sam did to protect her.”

“Even though it created more problems with Sonny?” Elizabeth asked softly. “Even if it means you might…lose her one day?”

“I’m not…blind. I know Sonny might…come for her. That it’s more likely than not,” Jason admitted. “But what am I supposed to do, Elizabeth? Not love her? Not honor my promise to Sam? I promised Carly to take care of Michael, and I kept it until they wouldn’t let me.” He dipped his head down. “Sonny…he’s important to me, but I can’t…I can’t ignore why Sam did what she did.”

“He must have hurt her so much,” Elizabeth murmured. “Made her feel like she could never measure up.”

“Yeah.” His voice nearly hoarse. “He’s not…he’s not a good father, Elizabeth. Not…lately. And not for a long time. He sees Michael and Morgan as possessions, not as people. I wanted better for Michael once, because that’s how the Quartermaines would have seen him, but now…”

“You can protect Evie from that for as long as you’re able.” She pressed her forehead to the sleeve of his dark jacket. “She’s in the best place possible, and it’s going to make all the difference, Jason.”

She cleared her throat and stepped back a little. “Let’s….go look at some of the landscapes from San Francisco. They’re…boring. Which means they’re less depressing.”

“It’s…” Jason stopped her as she would have pulled him away. “I didn’t mean to make you think…this is your favorite and—”

“It still is. It just…it means something happy for me, but it means something sad for you. That’s art.” She tightened her grip on his hand as if to reassure him. “The same painting can have different meanings depending on who looks at it. So…let me show you a painting I did of Alcatraz and you can tell me what it was like to visit it.”

Harris Gallery: Front Room

Emily tried to crane her head around the corner to see Jason and Elizabeth talking, but she just couldn’t manage it. They had disappeared into the back room of the gallery nearly twenty minutes ago and she was peeved she couldn’t watch their progress.

But maybe it was for the best. She had gone to great lengths to create this opportunity, risked both their wraths and it seemed to have paid off. If they didn’t see the scorching hot sparks they set off when they saw each other tonight, well…God, Emily didn’t even want to know them. Idiots.

“You know,” Nikolas said, with a deep sigh, “I think I always knew Elizabeth must be amazing, but I never…really saw anything she did, beyond sketches for the Nurse’s Ball or for fun. These are…”

“Breathtaking.” Emily turned her attention to the canvases in front of her. “I would have pretended to like them even if I didn’t because I love her, but I don’t have to. These are incredible.”

“I don’t know which one to pick.” He gestured toward the one in front of them. It was a woman in a bed, the shadows keeping her features vague and her setting undefined, but the woman, with her head in her hands, emitted a stark sense of isolation and loss. “When…do we know which moment this is?”

“I was in San Francisco when she was finishing it. She was in therapy for a while this summer,” Emily admitted. “After a session, she came home and did this one—she’s waking up from her pulmonary embolism and she’s telling Capelli about Carly and the panic room.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Right. Well, I don’t want that one on my wall.” He turned, his arm around Emily’s waist and on the wall directly behind him…

Nikolas stopped, and she watched the muscles in his throat shift as he swallowed hard. “What?” she began, as she focused on the winter scene. It was the stone fountain and benches of the park.

And a lone red shoe, with its heel snapped off and lying next to it, carelessly strewn between the fountain and the dark vastness of the greenery behind the bench.

And somehow, Emily felt like she was the painting. She knew this moment. Had been present for parts of Elizabeth’s recovery. “Nikolas—”

“I told…Lucky the truth about Luke and Laura right there,” he murmured. “I didn’t—I didn’t know about Elizabeth then, you know. I wouldn’t have told him at all if I had known why he was so angry. Or maybe I would. It’s hard…to remember those days before we were really brothers. Before we were friends. But I told him right near the spot he had found her crawling out of the bushes…that his father had done that to Laura once. Just to get back at him for throwing my father’s abuse in my face.”

“Nikolas…” She sighed. “He doesn’t…it’s past us now. Luke and Lucky are close, sort of.”

“I can’t…How can she stand to paint these moments? Of the worst moments in her life? How can she stand in this room, looking excited and smile while evidence of her tragedies surround her?” He looked at her, his eyes dark with pain. “How can she be so goddamn strong, Emily, when just one of these memories would break anyone else?”

“Because she’s amazing,” Emily answered softly. “And this is her way of letting those moments go. Of putting them in her past and moving forward.” She saw out of the corner of her eye her brother and Elizabeth walk out of the back room, toward the row of landscapes. Her arm was looped through his, and they were talking, even smiling.

“Look at her, Nikolas. She’s picked herself up again after last year, and she’s going to be happy again. Look at them and tell me I’m insane for thinking they work.”

Nikolas reluctantly followed her gaze, and sighed. His eyes softened. “I know you’re not. And…being surrounded by all the horrors she’s emerged from…I want her to be happy again. If it’s with your brother, then…that’s the way it’ll be. I just…don’t want her to have another reason to cry.”

“I love you.” She leaned up and pressed her lips to his cheek. “So…you want to check out some of the views she did from Vista Point? There’s one or two of Spoon Island somewhere, I think—”

“No…” Nikolas pulled her toward another canvas, on the far side of the wall. “I think I know this one a bit.” This scene depicted burning candles in the foreground on an altar, and church pews in the shadowy background, with two people comforting one another in the front row. “It’s the hospital chapel.”

“It’s the night I almost died,” Emily told him. Elizabeth had had the preliminary sketches in her studio in San Francisco, but this was the first time she’d seen the finished product. “It’s Jason and Elizabeth in the chapel. She told me it was the first time they’d been…friends again after everything that had happened since they broke up.”

“I thought it was from your cancer…” He hesitated, unsure how to finish it. “And…even knowing it’s them, I think I want it anyway. Because I see us in it. I see me lying on a hospital bed in the next room, praying for the chance to see you again. Even if you wouldn’t be with me…just to have you in the world would be enough.”

She just pressed her forehead to his shoulder and was quiet for a moment. “God, it seems so far away right now, after everything that’s happened this last year.”

Clearing her throat, Emily glanced over her shoulder and saw Elizabeth laugh, lightly punching Jason in the shoulder. He grinned back at her. “I…didn’t meddle too much with them, did I?”

Nikolas frowned. “No. I don’t…I mean what did you really even do? You introduced Liz to Evie. You brought Cam to Jason’s. You were always going to invite them both to the birthday party. You talked her into inviting him tonight, and him into coming. You just…” He chuckled. “You created opportunities.”

“I just…they were so far apart. I wasn’t sure if they would seek one another out.” She rolled her shoulders. “I think…maybe I’ve done what I needed to do for now.”

“Good. If you try too hard, it might…feel like too much pressure.” Nikolas patted her hip. “I’d like to see Elizabeth have less of these kinds of moments to paints, so if Jason can help with that…I’m not opposed.”

Harris Gallery: Across the Room

“I do miss living in a city on the ocean,” Elizabeth admitted as she finished described a painting of Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco. “I know…we have the lake and the river that flows to the ocean, but it’s not even remotely the same thing.”

“The beach on the island is nice,” Jason admitted. “But you said you came back for the snow. You don’t get that living on the ocean.”

Elizabeth wrinkled her nose. “I would if I lived in Maine, but yeah.” She sighed. “Well, maybe I’ll go back to San Francisco for a few weeks this summer, though…” She hesitated. “If I make enough money from this showing, maybe I’ll…take Cameron to Italy. He won’t be old enough to appreciate it, but…”

“You should take him. He won’t remember it, but he’ll know you’re happy.” Jason’s shoulder brushed her bare skin as he turned his attention from the painting to her. “That makes a difference.”

“You told me once that babies can sense everything around them.” She tapped his chest lightly. “I’m glad I paid so much attention to you in those days, because I feel like I learned a lot about being a parent.”

He grabbed her finger in his hand before she could tap him again. “You didn’t need my help. I knew you were going to be an amazing mother.”

Her cheeks burning, Elizabeth smiled and looked away. She hesitated when she saw a dark-haired man walking towards them, his arm around the waist of a blonde woman she recognized from the hospital. A nurse who looked apprehensive. They were the first people to approach her in nearly an hour.

She sighed. “I guess you’re not as intimidating as I hoped.”

Jason frowned. “What—” He stopped suddenly as he saw the couple. His body tensed. “I know him.”

“And I know her. She works at the hospital.”

The couple stepped up to them, and the man angled himself slightly in front of the woman. “Jason, I…thought it would be for the best if I didn’t pretend I didn’t see you.” He cleared his throat. “I mean…since you know the artist…” He glanced at Elizabeth and hesitantly held out his hand. “Johnny Zacchara. I…sometimes work with Jason. Or at least, my father does.”

Ah. Elizabeth bit her lip but accepted the hand. “It’s nice to meet you. Thank you for coming.” She looked at the blonde. “I know you from General Hospital. I think I saw you at the Christmas Party.”

“This is Nadine Crowell. Nadine, Jason Morgan,” Johnny said.

“Hi,” Nadine said, and for a moment it looked like she wanted to say something else, but closed her mouth.

“I didn’t…” Johnny used his hand to rub the back of his neck, looking nervous. Jason still hadn’t said a word. “Things are…look, it doesn’t need to be a thing. I like art. I go to a lot of showings—this was a coincidence—”

“It’s fine,” Jason said, his voice firm. “It…happens. Thank you for…letting me know you were here.”

“Right.” Johnny hesitated and looked back at Elizabeth. “Your work is really great. We’re having a good time.”

“I like the landscapes,” Nadine said, her voice overly bright because she was clearly nervous. “The…one of the Golden Gate Bridge is really pretty.” She winced. “I mean, impressive. Or some other art word I don’t…” She looked to Johnny, looking out of her depth. “What do I mean?”

“You mean it’s pretty,” Elizabeth said with assuring smile. “I’m not particularly attached to those, but landscapes tend to sell well. It’s a nice area to see.” Unsure if she was supposed to continue to make small talk, she cleared her throat. “Have-have you been?”

“Nope. Born and raised in Ohio until I moved to New York for nursing school. I just moved to Port Charles because I wanted to live—” Nadine closed her mouth and flushed. “I’m sorry. Maybe I shouldn’t…” She sighed and looked at her companion. “Johnny, you never told me what I’m supposed to say.”

Elizabeth nudged Jason as if to somehow make this go away. The poor girl was clearly unused to meeting Johnny’s associates and was trying to do what was right by him.

Jason looked as if he wanted to roll his eyes, but refrained. He merely let out a small breath of exasperation. “Johnny, it’s really fine. You’re known for hanging out in New York.” He looked at Nadine. “You’re doing fine. Just next time, don’t volunteer personal information to people he hasn’t briefed you on.” Then he looked at Johnny. “And don’t let her walk into a situation cold like this again. You came up to me.”

Johnny blinked, but nodded. “Fair enough.” He looked at to Nadine. “Sorry.”

“I told you,” she was telling him as he led her away.

“That was very nice of you to give them relationship advice,” Elizabeth said with a wicked smile. “Jason Morgan, couples counselor.”

He huffed. “He had no business bringing her over here without…” He rubbed his forehead. “I mean, he was right to come over. If I…knew he was here and hadn’t say anything, it’s… just the stupid kind of thing people would point to later as…” He shook his head.

“I know you can’t really tell me much, but maybe…is he friend or foe?” Elizabeth asked, steering him towards a corner where their words wouldn’t be overheard.

“Somewhere…in the middle. His father’s lawyer is Trevor Lansing.”

Elizabeth blinked. “As in…Ric Lansing?” She wrinkled her nose. “That’s probably not good.”

“It doesn’t help,” he admitted. “I guess…I know why Johnny’s been hanging around Port Charles lately. We…thought it might be a girlfriend.” He looked pained. “I’m sorry…he came over to me while you were there—”

She shrugged. “He seemed harmless, and Nadine was nice. No harm, no foul.”

“I just…” He rolled his shoulders and looked away, and she followed his gaze, toward the other side of the room where Johnny Zacchara and his date were standing, looking at another painting. They were whispering furiously to one another, and she could see the blonde looked annoyed. “I hate when this…kind of thing touches you.”

Story of her life. Five seconds after she admitted to herself the feelings she had for him were something a bit more than residual, he had to start this nonsense.

“You’ve been singing that tune almost since the day we met.” She folded her arms underneath her breast and scowled up at him. “We’re not really going to do this again, are we?”

“I—”

“Because if we’re going to be in each other’s lives again, I do not want to be constantly waiting for the second shoe to drop, to find out you think it’s too dangerous—”

He held up a hand. “I wasn’t…” Jason hesitated. “I know…why you think I’d say that, but I…I don’t…I’m raising an infant on my own, Elizabeth. Do you think I’d have a leg to stand on?”

“Exactly.” She arched her brow. “I didn’t let you get away with it when I was eighteen, so don’t think it’ll work any better now. I’m even more annoying.” She jabbed a finger at him. “So just remember that.”

A reluctant smile spread across his lips, and he offered a light chuckle. “Yeah, I don’t think I’m likely to forget it.”

“Good.” She looked over to see her grandmother beckoning her close, a few strangers at her side. “I’m going to need your intimidation skills again. Looks like Gram wants to introduce me to people.” She sighed. “I hate people.”

“No, you don’t,” Jason said, even as they started across the room. “You just don’t like answering their questions.”

“Not much of a difference tonight,” she grumbled, but kept her arm firmly wrapped around his bicep. “I just have to remember…they’re here to fund my future. If they like enough of my work, I can start a house fund for me and Cameron.”

When they arrived in front of her grandmother, Audrey barely batted an eye at her escort, though the couple looked a bit flustered. “And this is my brilliant granddaughter…”

Elizabeth pasted a smile on her face as Audrey continued. This was everything she ever wanted, but she would have preferred to stay anonymous.

She glanced up at Jason, who was doing an excellent job of looking menacing without being dangerous. She was so glad to have him back in her life.

Anyway she could have him.