And I claw for solid ground
I’m pulled down by the undertow
I never thought I could feel so low
Oh darkness I feel like letting go
If all of the strength and all of the courage
Come and lift me from this place
I know I could love you much better than this
– Full of Grace, Sarah McLachlan

Monday, May 19, 2003

 General Hospital: Kelly Lee’s Office

After a month of pretending to be carrying Jason Morgan’s child, Elizabeth wished that she could have some of the benefits that title ought to bring. Like having Jason at a doctor’s appointments. She’d had one shortly after starting this debacle, but she’d gone alone and had had to struggle to fill out forms with the father’s medical history.

She’d had to deal with Monica and Alan cornering her outside the appointment, and asking questions about her child, wondering if Jason would allow them to be part of his child’s life. She’d had to deal with Emily’s angry stares as the medical student passed her during her rounds.

She’d had to deal with the whispers of people wondering if she’d tricked Jason Morgan into believing this was his child because he had more money than Ric Lansing, who had slunk out of town and disappeared. He was off the radar, and tension was building in Elizabeth’s world, because this was exactly what she was afraid of. Ric was gone, and the world believed she was having Jason’s baby. This ridiculous plan had no exit strategy.

And here she was again. For her first ultrasound, now that she had money to pay for such things. She was nervous about seeing her child on the screen for the first time, hoping that she could actually understand what she was looking at, and praying she would feel connected to this child that had changed her life, and caused her jeans feel slightly more snug than they had just two weeks ago.

She was doing this alone, and knew the world would pity her. Jason may have claimed her baby, and people might believe it, but other than checking in with her guards and having someone set up an account so that she could pay her hospital bills, she had barely seen the alleged father. He told her he was chasing down leads on Ric, but Elizabeth thought he might be regretting even getting involved.

“It’s you and me, kid, against the world,” she murmured, her hand on her abdomen. “I won’t promise to be an amazing mother, but I’ll do my best.”

The door popped open and a perky blonde entered, wearing some sort of stuffed animals fastened at her wrist. “Hello! I’m Nadine Crowell.” She thrust her hand out. “Kelly’s running late, and she asked me to get you set up.”

“Okay.” Elizabeth leaned back on the table and sighed. “Are you new? You weren’t here last time.”

“I just started two weeks ago. I moved here from Manhattan.” Nadine smiled and reached for the blood pressure cup. “I was glancing at your chart before I came in. Your first baby, you must be so excited!”

Elizabeth looked at this friendly woman, with her bright smiles and enthusiastic eyes and she felt tears burning in her eyes. “I guess you haven’t lived here long enough yet to know the answer to that.”

Nadine frowned and fitted the cup on her arm. “Oh, you mean the hospital gossip about you being knocked up by the local alleged mob enforcer while you were dating other people.” When Elizabeth just blinked at her, Nadine shrugged. “I don’t see what that has to do with being excited. Sure it’s a crazy situation, but does that mean you can’t be happy about your baby? My Aunt Rayleen always said that a baby is sunshine and moonbeams and bits of stardust blown by the hand of God.” When Elizabeth said nothing, Nadine bit her lip, looking embarrassed. “I’m probably overstepping—”

“No, no.” Elizabeth exhaled slowly and winced as the pressure began to build on her arm. “You’re absolutely right, Nadine. Just because I managed to get myself into a massive disaster, I get to feel how I want about becoming a mother.”

“Oh, good. You’re not mad.” Nadine smiled, but it dimmed when she read the print out. “Hmm…140/90.” She frowned, letting the cup deflate.

“Is that bad?” Elizabeth asked. “Is too high?”

“It’s not good.” Nadine made a note in the chart. “But I guess you’ve been more stressed since your last visit. It was slightly elevated then, but it’s even higher now.” She bit her lip. “We’ll let Kelly know.”

After Nadine took Elizabeth’s blood, and reluctantly convinced her to step on a scale, Kelly Lee bustled in. She was a pretty Asian woman who had immediately put Elizabeth at ease the month before with her brisk and friendly manner. These were the only two women in the world who didn’t look at Elizabeth like she was gum on their shoe.

She wanted to hug them.

“Good morning, Elizabeth.” Kelly sat on the stool next the ultrasound machine and took the chart from Nadine. “How are you feeling? You’re not as nauseous as you were last month, I hope?”

“No.” Elizabeth sat up a little. “I’m tired still, but not as much as I was a few weeks ago. I’m only throwing up like twice a week and not twice an hour.”

“Good, good.” Kelly clucked her tongue. “Your blood pressure is still up. I need you to relax more, honey, before it becomes a serious issue. If I see these numbers again at your next appointment, I may have to suggest bed rest.”

Great. Bed rest. Just what she needed working to save money for a new apartment and for the essentials. “I’ll try, Dr. Lee, but you know…my situation hasn’t been ideal.”

“I know.” Kelly reached over and squeezed her hand. “But hopefully, all the people who want to yell and scream at you have finished and they’ll let you get back to your most important job for the next six and a half months—growing your beautiful baby.” She hesitated. “I see you turned in a more complete medical report from Mr. Morgan. That’s good. I don’t expect any complications, but it’s always good to have a full picture.”

It had been the most mortifying experience of her life taking those papers to Jason’s penthouse and being forced to leave them with Sonny because Jason hadn’t returned her phone calls, but it was a necessary fiction. Jason’s parents worked at this hospital and they were Quartermaines, so they were likely checking records.

Kelly glanced around. “And I see we’re on our own again.” Sympathy shone in her dark eyes for a moment before she turned to switch on the machines. “Well, maybe when we do the ultrasound and find out gender next month. That sometimes kicks fathers into gear.” She smiled at Nadine. “Sometimes it’s not real to them otherwise.”

“Maybe,” Elizabeth murmured. But she knew better. Jason might have promised her he wouldn’t resent her for putting him in this situation, but a lousy four weeks into this ruse and she felt as alone as she had in that penthouse last fall.

She was never going to learn.

“We’ll how about we look at this kid and see a heartbeat,” Kelly said. “You up for it, Elizabeth?”

“Absolutely.” Elizabeth wanted to feel connected to her child, to see it on screen and make it real in her head, because it was clear that they were going to be on their own.

Corinthos Penthouse: Master Bedroom

Carly hummed as she flipped through her brand-new maternity clothing. She rarely needed an excuse to go shopping, but pregnancy was proving to be a great excuse to keep Sonny from snarking at her when she made Rocco carry bags inside.

Sonny was downstairs even now, planning a nutritious dinner that made Carly’s stomach revolt. No sugar. No chocolate. Nothing sweet. Nothing fun.

“Hey, Carly.” Courtney entered and flopped down on the bed. “You’re going to have to turn the other guest room into a closet pretty soon.”

Carly smirked and hung another summer dress. “I’m saving that for the middle of the summer when I’m driving Sonny crazy.” She looked at sister-in-law. “How are you doing? You haven’t been over here for a while.”

“I called Sonny before I came,” Courtney replied, reaching for one of Carly’s bags. “To make sure Jason was out for the day and Elizabeth wasn’t around.” She grimaced. “I’m trying really hard to be okay with this, Carly, but it’s so hard. I have to work with her twice a week, sometimes three. Bobbie could only do so much with our schedules.”

“Must be tense.” Carly reached for an old dress to toss it on the giveaway pile. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell Courtney that she needn’t have worried about seeing Elizabeth. Carly hadn’t seen her at the penthouse once. In fact, she wasn’t aware that Jason had even seen the mother of his child all that often. “Have you two talked about what’s going on?”

“No.” Courtney sighed. “I mean, maybe we should but I can’t really think of what I’d say.” She pulled out a tank top from the bag and stacked it on the bed with some others. “I’ve been trying to figure out how it happened, and I guess I initially assumed it meant they still loved one another.”

Carly turned and looked at her. “Why?”

“Well…” Courtney hesitated and blinked at her. “Jason won’t tell me how it happened. I ran into him on the docks last week, and I didn’t mean to, but I started yelling at him. And then I begged him to tell me it was a mistake, that it was never going to happen again, but he refused. And you know, he almost defended her the day we found out.” She jerked a shoulder. “I thought that meant that Elizabeth was going to be in his life, but you know…I only see her with guards. He never drops her off at work or picks her up. I thought he was trying to avoid shoving my face in it, which I appreciated, but Penny told me he never shows up on her shifts either.” She bit her lip. “Carly, you know people are talking about Ric.”

“What about Ric?” Carly’s hands tightened on the sweater she was going to donate.

“Well…” Courtney paused. “That maybe Elizabeth doesn’t know who the father is and she told Jason it was his because she wanted it to be—”

“No.” Carly spun around, her heart racing. “No. I know that would make everything easier, and I am so sorry, Courtney. But it’s not true. Jason is the father.”

Courtney stared at her. “You sound…” She swallowed hard. “You sound really convinced.”

Carly cleared her throat. “Yeah…well… I had my suspicions, and I badgered Jason quite relentlessly until he told me that he had no doubts. He wouldn’t give me details, but I gathered from that and some…arguments I may have had with Elizabeth that she and Ric were only together once or twice and it was not in the right time frame.” She smoothed out the wrinkles in the sweater she had twisted in her hands. This rumor had be squelched. It simply had to be. “I’m sorry, Courtney, I really am.”

“Well, I guess it make sense.” Courtney sighed. “I mean, once Elizabeth thought she had a chance with Jason again, she probably wouldn’t have screwed it up by sleeping with Ric again.”

“Exactly.” Carly nodded and took the stack of tank tops from the bed and shoved them into a drawer. “If Jason had any doubts, that’d be different. But he’s convinced.”

“Okay,” Courtney drawled. She stood and folded her arms across her chest. “Then why doesn’t he at least act like he’s going to be a father?”

Carly frowned and looked at her. “What do you mean? She has guards on her. Jason’s paying for her medical bills. I think she’s being stubborn about anything else.”

“I guess.” Courtney pursed her lips. “Though if I were pregnant, I guess I might want the father of my child to pay some attention to me.” She sighed. “I think I just want to believe that he did this because he loved her and wanted to be with her. He hasn’t even asked me to forgive him, so it means that he’s sorry he hurt me, but he’s not interested in getting back together. Why not if he’s not going to be with her?” A tear slid down her cheek. “If he didn’t want me anymore, why didn’t he break up with me before he slept with her?”

“I’m sorry,” Carly said. “I just… I don’t know the answer to that.”

General Hospital: Cafeteria

Nadine sipped her iced tea and smiled across the table at Elizabeth. “Thanks for asking me to coffee.” She wrinkled her nose. “Though neither of us seem to be drinking that.”

Elizabeth laughed and stirred her hot chocolate. “I just had a craving for hot chocolate. I know it’s getting warm out, but I just…” She shrugged. “I love my chocolate.”

“I hear ya.” Nadine set her tea down. “I haven’t had a chance to meet a lot of people yet with my work schedule. I decided to move up here on a whim, really, a few months ago and had to wait for an opening.” She played with the wrapper of her straw.

“You may have noticed from my appointment,” Elizabeth began, “that I don’t have a strong support system right now.” She tucked her hair behind her ear. “I burned a lot of bridges getting pregnant with…” She hesitated, still finding it difficult to say. “With my ex-boyfriend’s baby, and most of the people I might have confided in are out of town or are angry with me. So I hope you don’t mind that I saw a friendly face and hoped to have someone talk to.”

“Oh, absolutely.” Nadine wiggled in her chair. “It totally sucks to be basically alone in the world. My dad took off ages ago, my mom died and my Aunt Rayleen raised me and my sister until Jolene—that’s my sister—killed a patient in a mercy killing and then injected herself with a drug that left her in a vegetative state. Then Aunt Rayleen died, and my ex-boyfriend turned out to be total jerk I wanted to throw out the window, so I decided I need to get the hell out of New York.” She finished this dialogue with a sip of iced tea.

Elizabeth blinked and couldn’t fight a smile. “It’s brave to pick up leave. To start a new life.” She twisted her fingers together. “I thought about it when I found out I was pregnant. I thought maybe everyone would be better off if I never told anyone and just headed out.” She pursed her lips. “But as you can see, that didn’t work out for me.”

“Well, maybe the father of your kid will get more involved after the next visit.” Nadine hesitated. “Is there a chance he might come to this one?”

“Unlikely,” Elizabeth admitted. She looked across the cafeteria where Monica and Alan were sipping coffee and studiously trying not to look at her. “I think he’s regretting his decision to get involved.”

“Oh.” Nadine frowned. “Well, that sucks large.” She squared her shoulders. “Well, then you know what? I’ll be your other person in the room. You should have someone with you when you find out the gender. Someone who will smile and be happy with you.”

Elizabeth looked down, her throat tight. “That would be…” She swallowed. “I would really like that, Nadine. Thank you.” She hesitated. “You know…until you asked me if I was excited about the baby, no one else had. It was just…everyone looking at this baby like she was a disaster that just needed to fixed or taken care of.” She swallowed again. “No one…no one’s asked me about being a mother, or if I was happy.”

Nadine reached across the table. “I’ve known you all of an hour, Elizabeth Webber, but I promise you, I will be your person. I think we’re both in need of a friend, and I’m taking applications if you are.”

Elizabeth squeezed it, and felt the tears sliding down her cheeks. “I’m not only taking them, I’m accepting them on the spot. And to celebrate our new friendship, I want you to be the first to know that although the circumstances are less than ideal, I am ridiculously excited about my child.” She took the sonogram photo out of her pocket and smiled down at it, feeling like a mother for the first time. “And I cannot wait to hold her for the first time.”

Nadine grinned. “You’re having your mommy senses tingle. You think she’ll be a girl?”

“I do.” Elizabeth’s breath hitched, but she continued to smile, feeling lighter than she had in months. “I do. I’m going to have a little girl, and you’re going to be my person.”

“Fantastic.” Nadine sipped her iced tea. “Does your person get to go shopping for baby stuff? Because I love shopping for baby stuff.”

Corinthos Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny looked up as Jason entered. “Hey…thanks for waiting until Courtney left.” He rubbed the back of his neck, as if exhausted from the worry of the last month.

Jason nodded. “It’s just easier if we avoid each other,” he said. “We had a fight on the docks last week and I just…” He rubbed a hand over his face. “I’m not in a hurry to hurt her again.”

“Yeah, I hear that.” Sonny reached for a file. “I heard from Stan and Benny. Ric’s still in the wind. He and Faith are just…gone.”

Jason scowled. “Any chance the Families took care of things and are just keeping it quiet?” He shifted. “I want him out of our lives, Sonny. I’ve spent almost every waking hour tracking him this last month, but I’m coming up as empty as Stan and Benny.” He shook his head. “He shouldn’t be able to disappear like this.”

“I know, I know.” Sonny sighed and poured himself a whiskey. “I have a meeting with the Families in a few days to confirm the rumors about your kid and ask to them to step up their search.” He sipped his drink and Jason became wary, as a familiar light entered his eyes. “Jason, we gotta talk.”

“We’re not having this conversation again—” Jason stopped when Sonny held up his hand.

“I have Francis, Cody and Marco reporting to me as well,” Sonny told him and Jason frowned at this, wondering why Sonny would force Elizabeth’s security detail to report to both of them. “Because I’m concerned…” He hesitated. “I’m concerned that you’re not doing your part.”

He knew he wasn’t, and he was painfully aware of it the few times Elizabeth had contacted him and he’d responded through her guards. He didn’t need Sonny lecturing him. “I’m tracking Ric to keep her safe—”

“I get that, and it’s important.” Sonny nodded, and pressed his hand to his chest. “But we gotta keep up appearances. You know that. You don’t ask the guards for anything other than to confirm she’s still breathing.”

Jason frowned. “They’re not there to spy—”

“I’m not…” Sonny rolled his eyes. “You’re not talking to her about her condition, and her guards are painfully aware of this since they’re herding her to work and the hospital without you being there. Jason, we’re asking them to protect Elizabeth with their lives because she’s carrying your child, but the guards just see you not giving a damn.”

His hand fisted at his side. “Are they not paying attention?” Jason demanded. “Because if they’re screwing around with her protection because they don’t think I’m involved—”

“No,” Sonny cut in swiftly. “But you’re not earning any points with these men, and they need to believe they can respect you. They see this woman going through a tough pregnancy alone, coming close to being the town pariah and…” He shrugged. “You know. It’s not helping. They don’t say anything to me, but I can see it in their faces. Cody’s with her when she’s working most of the time, and it’s painful when he tells me the things people are saying. He’s not spying, he just wants me to be aware of the trouble Elizabeth is having, and he tells me because you don’t ask.”

His chest tight, Jason swallowed. “What…what trouble is she having?”

Sonny sipped his whiskey. “Alan and Monica always know when she’s at the hospital. She had an appointment earlier today and they cornered her outside, according to Francis. He came by after the shift change. They want to know if Lila will be able to see the baby, if maybe Elizabeth will come by once in a while, so they can get to know her as the mother of their grandchild. Emily gives her hard time, always sits in her section at Kelly’s and then has some rude comments. Cody used to stand outside, but the first time Elizabeth came out in tears, he asked Bobbie if he could set up shop inside while she was working.”

Jason exhaled. “I’m sure there’s more,” he said. “What else aren’t you telling me?”

“You may not listen to rumors, but Carly told me that Courtney is wondering if what people saying is true. That Elizabeth didn’t know which one was the father, and picked you because you have more money. There are too many people speculating about this baby, and you’re not around to cement this notion in people’s heads.”

“Courtney told Carly…” Jason repeated. “What did Carly tell her?”

“I told her that you and I had argued about it.” Carly stepped off the stairs. “That I hadn’t gotten much from you, but during one of my arguments with Elizabeth that I’ve never had, she led me to believe the time frame doesn’t work. I assured her that you had not a single doubt.”

Sonny and Jason stared at her. She raised an eyebrow. “What, I should tell her the truth?”

“Carly,” Jason growled. “You know the truth. I told you the truth.”

“Yeah…” Carly planted one hand on her hip. “Yeah, you did. Which is why I told Courtney no doubts exist.” She flicked her eyes to Sonny. “I thought about talking to Mama where I know Amy Vining would overhear, so my convictions would be on record with the rest of the town.”

“Carly,” Jason began, pinching the bridge of his nose. Christ, if Carly knew the truth, this plan was doomed.

“Relax, Jase.” Carly patted his shoulder. “I’m not plotting, I’m not planning. I don’t even want you guys to tell me the truth, because then I can honestly say I only know what I’m told.” She shrugged. “You’re the father. Message received. I’m just saying that we need to take measures to make sure everyone else knows that.” She eyed him with annoyance. “Especially if you’re going to continue ignoring her and making Sonny chase you down with medical forms.”

“I didn’t know she needed me to fill out anything,” Jason retorted, wondering why he was letting Carly bait him like this. God, she was so frustrating sometimes.

“Well, no doubt since you always pawn her off on guards,” Carly said, her eyes wide. “You think I don’t notice? Elizabeth was upset and embarrassed when she came to the penthouse because you weren’t home. Again. And she told Sonny that she’d tried to call you, and that you told Francis you were going to be unavailable all week.”

“You weren’t in the room when Elizabeth was here,” Sonny remarked, putting his whiskey down. “What have I told you about eavesdropping?”

Carly dismissed him with a wave. “Unimportant. I’m not telling you what to do, Jase, because you won’t listen to me anyway, but I am the only person in this room who’s ever been pregnant, so let me give you the inside information she won’t.” She glared at Jason.

“Pregnancy is god damned stressful enough without being treated like the town whore. There is a person growing inside and it’s our responsibility to give the kid nourishment and a safe environment. Having to be looked like nothing better than dirt every time you leave your home is not conducive to safe pregnancy.” She folded her arms under breasts. “I went through that with Michael. I dealt with that before I lost our first child, Sonny. And now every time I go to Kelly’s, Elizabeth is fielding whispers and looks from everyone, including your annoying twit of a sister, Jase.”

“What’s your point?” Jason said spreading his hands out. “What do you want me to do? I can’t change what people say or do.”

“You could yell at your holier-than-thou sister,” Carly retorted. “You could maybe drop in Kelly’s once in a while and pretend you don’t see the mother of your child as an obligation, a burden, or worse, a horrible mistake. You could go to a damned doctor’s appointment. You’re the one who keeps telling me this is your kid, Jason Morgan.” She narrowed her eyes. “So act like it.”

+7

I’m broken in two
And I know you’re on to me
That I only come home
When I’m so all alone
But I do believe
– I Shall Believe, Sheryl Crow

Tuesday, April 15, 2003

Elizabeth Webber’s Studio

The light knock on her door jerked Elizabeth out of a fitful nap. She scrubbed her eyes and tossed the light blanket to the bottom of her sofa. She blinked at the door, wondering if she’d heard anything at all. When it didn’t come again, she glanced at the digital clock on her table across the room. Six o’clock.

It felt like days since she’d left Emily at Kelly’s, heading for the docks to sit and stare out over the water. Instead, Ric had cornered her, Jason had claimed to be her child’s father and somehow, managed to make Elizabeth feel like they were making a reasonable decision.

Her stomach rolled, reminding her that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast and apparently, her unborn child wanted food.

Her unborn child. Oh, good God. These last few days had been such a nightmare that she’d barely come to terms with the idea of being someone’s mother, and now she had to deal with being Jason Morgan’s pretend baby mama.

“I want to set myself on fire,” she muttered, swinging her feet to the ground to slide them into her flats.

The knock came again and she frowned. “Who is it?” she called, hoping her voice would carry through the steel door so she wouldn’t have to stand just yet. She was so tired.

“Jason.”

She stifled a groan. Months of no contact and now she couldn’t get rid of him. The irony would be delicious, except this was her life. She thought about telling him to come in, but the door was locked and she didn’t think he would have kept the key.

Elizabeth stood and crossed the short distance to her door. She opened it to find Jason standing there, and Francis next to him. Right, Francis was her new companion until Ric was no longer a danger. “Um. Hey.” She rubbed the back of her neck. “I didn’t…what’s going on?”

“Let’s go inside.” Jason pushed her slightly inside and looked at Francis. “No interruptions.” He closed the door and took a deep breath.

“Oh, God. What’s happened?” Elizabeth asked. “Have you changed your mind? Because if you have, that’s okay, because this is insane, Jason. I tried to tell you—”

“Ric saw Courtney and Carly in Kelly’s.”

Elizabeth snapped her mouth shut, and her hunger pangs shifted into straight out nausea. “Oh. Oh. Oh. God.” She pressed a hand to her mouth. “He announced it to the whole room, didn’t he? Oh, my God.”

“Yeah.” Jason rubbed his forehead. “I’m sorry, Elizabeth. You told me he’d do something like that and I just…” He exhaled shortly. “I don’t know what I could have changed, but I could have done something.”

Elizabeth turned away from him and stumbled back to her sofa, collapsing. “This is the day that never ends. Any minute now, Emily is going to be coming to that door, followed my grandmother and they’re going to be asking how I could dump a Harvard lawyer for you and of course, I can’t tell them I wanted to throw myself in the harbor when I found out exactly what Ric Lansing is, and they’re just…” She squeezed her eyes shut. “Oh, God, and you had to deal with Carly and Courtney.” She sprang to her feet and looked at him, her heart aching. “And you didn’t change your mind, so they think…”

“Yeah.” Jason just stared at the ground. “I guess the good news is that Ric believed us.”

Elizabeth laughed, almost hysterically, until the tears she’d thought she exhausted fell again. “Oh, yeah, that would be the good news.” She covered her face with her hands. “Oh, God, Jason. Did you talk to Sonny? Is he angry?”

“Not yet.” Jason sat next to her on the couch. “Courtney left, and Carly suggested I come tell you what Ric did. So you’re not blindsided by someone showing up here.”

Elizabeth lowered her hands and just blinked at him. “What do you mean Carly suggested? She didn’t want to throw me out a window?”

“I’m not sure…” Jason hesitated. “I don’t know if Carly believed it. I told her it was the truth, but she just looked at me like…” He shook his head. “I don’t know. But if she does suspect I was lying, she doesn’t know for sure, and she’s not going to betray me on a suspicion and possibly put my child at risk.”

“This has gotten out of hand so fast, Jason.” Her hands were shaking as she lowered them to her lap. “I just found out on Friday that I’m pregnant and I had barely decided to keep the baby before finding out Ric was sleeping with Faith and then he threatened me…” Her voice faltered. “Because that’s what he meant when he said he wouldn’t be separated from his child. I was so stupid, Jason. How could I believe him? How could I ignore all the signs?”

Her shoulders shaking, she struggled to take deep breaths and get herself under control. Jason didn’t need her falling apart. He was the one whose girlfriend had obviously broken up with him over his lie.

Before she could regain her composure, she felt Jason’s arm hesitantly around her shoulders, tucking her into his side. She wanted to lean on him, she wanted to use his strength to bolster her own, but how could she justify it?

“I’m so sorry, Jason,” she murmured, swiping at her eyes. “This is all my fault—”

“You had a right to care for someone,” he replied quietly. “And to believe him when he told you he cared. I—I understand why you didn’t take me or Sonny seriously. We had no proof. We just…we had a feeling about him, but I didn’t know if I disliked him because I didn’t trust him or if…” He hesitated and she looked up at him. “I don’t think I would have liked anyone you dated.”

Elizabeth sighed and straightened, sliding away from him on the sofa a little. She was not going to go down this road with him. “I should have known better,” she said. “I should have known if you or Sonny were going to bother warning me, it wouldn’t be without a good reason. I just kept…” She bit her lip. “I just kept seeing Taggart calling you names right in front of me, like you couldn’t hear him. He was so good to me, Jason, after I reported…my rape, and when we thought Lucky was dead. He was only trying to protect me when he said those things.” She pushed her hair behind her shoulders. “I thought it was like that, but I should have been smarter—”

“Elizabeth,” Jason cut in, “is it going to change anything to keep going back over what you could have done differently? Or are you just going to make yourself sick thinking about it?” He reached for her hand. “Ric is slime, but even Carly trusted him for a long time. We hired him as a lawyer for a little while. How can you blame yourself for trusting him like we did? Elizabeth, you can’t keep going back to that. You have to think about what happens next.”

She closed her eyes. “You’re right. I know you’re right.” She looked back at him. “What does happen next?”

“Well…” Jason said. He looked hesitant, as if he hadn’t been expecting that question. “Are you feeling okay? Do—do you have everything you need?”

“For now,” Elizabeth said. She glanced around her small studio. “I’m going to work overtime while I can and put some money away so I can afford a better apartment. Maybe one with a kitchen or an actual bathroom.” She sighed. “Jason, you should go see Sonny. I’m sure Courtney or Carly have already talked to him, and you don’t want to make things more difficult with him than they have to be.”

“All right.” Jason stood and tugged on his ear. “Listen. Francis is on duty for another hour, then Cody is going to be on the door until about six tomorrow morning. I want you to have someone twenty-four hours a day, so they’re going to be in eight hour shifts. I’m not sure who the third guard is going to be. I don’t…” He hesitated. “Do you remember who you had last September? While you were…at the penthouse?”

Elizabeth tucked her legs underneath her and nodded. “Yeah. I didn’t go out much, so I shared Max with Carly on the door, and then I went out, depending on what time it was I had Cody or Marco.” She smiled hesitantly. “They were really nice, so I’m glad Cody will be familiar.” She tilted her head. “And Francis was really patient with me the first time I had a guard. I forgot a few times he was supposed to be with me, but he never got angry.”

“Good.” Jason looked a bit bewildered, as if he’d forgotten how much experience she had now with being guarded. “I think I can put Marco on you then. I want…you to be comfortable with them, but I know it can be restrictive—”

“Not really.” Elizabeth shrugged. “They’re there to keep me safe, so I can’t really complain. I worry for them because I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me, but…” She sighed. “It’s better than the alternative, so there’s no use in complaining.”

“I’m going to go talk to Sonny, now, but I want you to call me if you need anything.” He paused. “We have to talk about money eventually.”

“Jason—”

“I have it and if people are going to believe this…is my child,” Jason said, trying not to look pained, “then you have to let me…you have to let me help. Maybe just medical expenses if you’re uncomfortable with anything more.”

Conscious that Jason was making so many sacrifices to keep her safe, she just didn’t have the heart or energy to argue with him. “All right. When you’re right, you’re right.”

He eyed her, almost in disbelief. “All right.” He stepped back to the sofa and crouched in front of her, taking her hand in one of his. “I know that this seems like too much all at once, and I don’t really know what we’re going to do next. But we’re going to get through this, and I’m going to make sure you and your child are safe.”

She saw the resolution and determination in his eyes and sighed. “I believe that, Jason, and I know this is difficult for everyone involved, so thank you for everything you’re doing. I just hope…you don’t hate me one day for this.”

“That,” Jason said, looking at her like he used to before she set fire to everything they had shared, “will never happen.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Sonny Corinthos, to the shock of no one, was not always a good friend. Most of the time he was barely decent. He knew that he had overreacted when he’d discovered Jason’s relationship with Courtney, but he was entitled to some reservations when the little sister he barely knew was dating his best friend. Sonny didn’t think Courtney was cut out for Jason’s life long-term—women always thought they could handle it, but most couldn’t. Carly liked the lifestyle too much to quibble about the drawbacks. Not his sister. Courtney always wanted to help, always wanted to know what was going on.

It made Sonny miss the hell out of Elizabeth Webber, who had hidden Jason in her studio all those years ago with no questions asked. She’d kept him fed and safe and left the room when asked. And had Sonny had remembered that last fall and agreed to let Elizabeth know he wasn’t really dead when Jason had requested it, well…then things might have been different.

So Sonny knew when Elizabeth had walked out, it wasn’t about the life, it was about Jason. He’d figured they’d get over it eventually—they always did. Until Courtney and Ric complicated things.

Standing in Jason’s living room, watching as Jason, with a pained expression, attempted to explain that Elizabeth Webber was now pregnant and that it was Jason’s baby, he knew it was a lie. Courtney had rushed to Sonny earlier that day, angry and hurt, babbling this nonsense, so he’d come to find out what was going on.

Jason looked uncomfortable. He looked irritated. He did not look like a man who had accidentally impregnated a woman he’d been in love with for years.

Sonny exhaled slowly and put his hands at his waist, waiting for Jason to awkwardly finish apologizing for hurting Courtney, but that he was going to stand by Elizabeth. “You done?” he asked.

Jason winced and Sonny knew what he was expecting. Anger. Promises of retribution. The usual Sonny Corinthos MO and maybe…if Sonny believed that it had actually happened the way Jason had described, there might have been some.

But clearly, Elizabeth was pregnant by his psychotic half-brother. Which meant she was family.

“Sonny, I—” Jason started, as if to begin the nonsense all over again.

Sonny held up a hand. “Let’s recap. You and Elizabeth break up last fall. We both know it’s partially my fault—”

“Sonny—”

“You start dating my sister and Elizabeth starts dating Ric.” At Jason’s scowl, Sonny nodded. “Yeah, but she doesn’t listen to our warnings, because you know, she likes to make up her own mind. How many people told her you were a dangerous, brain-damaged thug?” Sonny chuckled fondly. “I liked seeing her go after Taggart. He never knew how to deal with it.”

“Sonny—”

“And somehow, in all that mess, you sleep with Elizabeth and now she’s pregnant.”

Jason pinched the bridge of his nose. “I never meant to hurt Courtney—”

“Didn’t think you did.” Jason narrowed his eyes and Sonny made an attempt to inject some annoyance into his relaxed tone, but he just couldn’t muster the anger Jason wanted to see. “So, how’d this happen?”

“I—” Jason blinked and actually stepped back. “Are you—” He blinked again. “Are you asking for details?”

“Absolutely,” Sonny nodded. He raised an eyebrow. “Did she throw herself at you? Were you drunk? Was it more than once—”

“I’m not…” At a loss clearly, Jason shook his head. “I’m not going to discuss that with you.”

“Ah, ah,” Sonny wagged his finger, enjoying the crap out of this. He so rarely caught Jason off guard, he was going to milk this for all it was worth. “You have to think of these details, Jason. You have to not look so shocked when someone asks about this fictitious affair.”

“I think I need to sit down,” Jason muttered. He sat on the sofa and put his head in his hands. “Sonny, I’m serious. I…” He cleared his throat. “Elizabeth and I…” He closed his eyes. “God.”

Sonny shrugged and lowered himself into the armchair adjacent to the sofa. “I would be relieved that you find it so difficult to lie to me if this situation weren’t so serious.” He leaned forward. “Jason, we don’t have to say the words because we both know these things only work when very few people know the truth, but if Elizabeth needs a certain kind of protection, I’m going to give it to her. You don’t have to lie to me or anyone else. Her baby is my family.”

“We have to,” Jason said quietly. “Because if…certain people know the truth, she’ll be in even more danger.” He looked at Sonny. “People have to think this is my child, because it’s the only way she’ll be safe. From…” He hesitated. “From people.”

“Okay, so the world has to think that, and I think…” Sonny hesitated. “I know that Robin told the truth about Michael, so you think you can’t trust anyone else other than Elizabeth. I get that. But you know I’ll protect Elizabeth with my life. Even if I didn’t feel like an ass because I refused to tell her about my death, but to be honest…” Sonny paused and leaned even closer. “If you had told me she was not just the woman you wanted to be with, but someone you were actually with, we could have discussed it. You never told me things had changed.”

“Would it have mattered?” Jason asked quietly. “Should it have mattered? This was Elizabeth, who’d never let either of us down when it mattered and you knew it.” He shook his head. “We’re not…Sonny, for all the times she’s protected me and kept me alive, going back to that December, I owe it to her to keep her and her child safe.”

“I certainly owe her for keeping you alive,” Sonny agreed. “But that’s not why you’re doing it.” When Jason looked at him, his mouth set in a mutinous line, he held up a hand. “We won’t talk about motives. I think you and I understand each other, but you’re right. Carly and Courtney, God love them, are liabilities. And it’s not like people don’t know your history with Elizabeth. Even the Families will swallow this after Elizabeth was kidnapped last summer, so we can pull this off.”

“I wanted Ric to leave town,” Jason admitted, “I thought if he didn’t feel like had anything to stay for, particularly a child, he’d run before the Families caught up to him. Elizabeth never asked me to do this. I volunteered.”

Well, naturally, but Sonny wasn’t going to antagonize the already irritated younger man with that smart remark. “And maybe it would have enough to send him out of town had it been anyone other than you, but Ric hates you. He may come after Elizabeth even if he believed you, because now he’ll think he has leverage.”

“I should have thought about that.” Jason shoved himself to his feet. “He was…he had her cornered on the docks, and I could tell she was scared.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I could hear him badgering her about the baby, and she tried to deny she was even pregnant, but he tricked her, told her he had her records from the hospital, and she gave it away. So she tried to tell him it wasn’t his but she wouldn’t tell him who.”

“And you jumped in.” Sonny nodded. “I get it, Jason. Heat of the moment. She’s in danger either way, but claiming the kid as yours works for us. I can call in other protection. The Families want Ric’s head on a platter, especially Tagliatti. We tell them the situation and hopefully, they’ll go after him full-throated.” He nodded and rubbed his jaw. “Maybe we downplay the odds Ric is the father. You and Elizabeth were dating, some problems occurred, you both rebounded with others, but worked things out—”

“Sonny, that’s—” Jason shook his head. “It’s not going to work.”

“You leave the particulars to me.” Sonny stepped towards him. “You made the decision to claim the baby, Jason. To break my sister’s heart, which I find doesn’t bother me as much as it should since I never thought she was right for you, anyway. And if you had come to me with this before you did it, I would have said the same thing. Your first instinct was to protect Elizabeth. Let me help.” He pressed a hand to his chest. “I know it’s going to be rough on you both, but let me make up for the problems I caused last year. Let me protect Elizabeth and my niece or nephew the way my family should be protected.” When Jason finally nodded, Sonny continued, “I’ll set up a meeting with Families.”

He started for the door but Jason held up a hand. “How did you know I was lying?” he asked.

Sonny turned back and looked at his best friend, sorrow in his chest. “Because if it were true, you’d be upset that you’d hurt Courtney, a little worried about my reaction, but, Jason, if Elizabeth Webber was pregnant with your child, you’d look a lot less miserable and pained. You wouldn’t have to choke out the words.” He hesitated. “You’re going to have to sell this, you know. Can you pretend that Ric Lansing’s child is yours?”

Uncomfortable, Jason looked away. “I figure it won’t take long to deal with Ric,” he muttered. “He’s impatient. He’ll strike and we’ll get him. He’s isolated and desperate.”

“Ah.” Sonny dipped his chin into his chest. “You’re banking on this being a short-term solution. Well, that’s moronic.” When Jason glared at him, he just shrugged. “Ric could go under for months. He could wait until the kid is born to try to snatch it. Until Ric is dealt with, the world is going to think Elizabeth is carrying your child, despite both of you having been dating other people. You think it’s going to be a walk in the park for her to deal with this?”

“No.” Jason cleared his throat. “I know that the Quartermaines are going to have a field day with this, but still—”

“And if Ric goes underground for years, if we don’t find him, what…” Sonny arched his eyebrows. “You gonna pull the protection and claim after a while? You gonna say, well, it’s been an entire year. Doesn’t matter that the world thinks this kid is mine, it’s not and I’m not gonna pretend anymore?”

Swallowing hard, Jason looked down. “Yeah, I know this is complicated, and I don’t have all the answers today, Sonny. I just know…I just know I can’t let anything happen to her.”

“Well, start working on those answers.” Sonny pointed at him. “Because no matter what happens with Ric, there are going to be people who keep believing this. Elizabeth may end up raising a child that is yours legally as well as in the eyes of everyone we know. So I’d think about the consequences of that.”

Wednesday, April 16, 2003

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Elizabeth put a few dishes into her bin and glanced over at the entrance of the courtyard where Francis was standing. “You sure you don’t want coffee?” she asked.

“No, thank you, Miss Webber,” he answered as he had the other three times she’d asked in the six hours she’d been working so far. She knew the guards were a necessary evil, but she felt so guilty having these men follow her around, as if her life was worth more than theirs.

Her first day at work since the tumultuous events of the day before had gone relatively well. Her grandmother had called her that morning, and had merely said they would talk about this in person. Elizabeth knew what that tone had meant, but she was relieved not to have to deal with it right at that moment. A reprieve was welcome. There had been looks and some whispers, and Bobbie had gently asked how she was doing, but no one had said anything awful to her face.

But as Emily stalked into the courtyard, Elizabeth should have known the other shoe would drop. She perched the plastic bin full of dishes on her hip, and squared her shoulders. She had not called her friend, understanding that it would not be a pleasant conversation and she really just wanted a break from that.

Emily stopped in front of her and arched an eyebrow. “I received a phone call yesterday,” she said. “Courtney was crying.”

Elizabeth bit her lip and sighed. “Em, I would have called, but I just—”

“Save it.” Emily shook her head. “I cannot believe this, Elizabeth. You’re supposed to be my friend and you let me think Ric was the father. You should have told me.” She stepped towards her. “You know, I thought you’d grown up. I thought you were better than the annoying, manipulative shrew that tortured Sarah when you first moved to town, but maybe that was just an act to keep Lucky around.”

Elizabeth blinked. She slowly set the bin down, and for the first time since nightmare had begun, it wasn’t nausea that rolled in her stomach or sorrow, but anger. “Excuse me?” she asked coolly. “You think I should have told you that I was pregnant with Jason’s baby?” She fisted her hand on her hip, and slightly cocked it out a bit, channeling Lizzie Webber. “When would I have done that exactly? After you called me selfish for missing Lucky and Nikolas yesterday? Maybe I should have told you last week when you were telling me that Jason wasn’t all that interested in me anyway. Maybe it should have been when you were calling me everything short of delusional about my feelings.” She stepped closer, feeling the anger spread in her veins. “So tell, Emily, when the hell do you think I should have told you something so difficult?”

Emily glared at her. “Oh, you’re going to play the victim. Well, that’s no surprise. You’ve always been a martyr. Oh, woes me, I’m the only one who lost Lucky. Woes me, I’m so confused because I’m a tramp who can’t stop playing two men off each other. Woes me, Lucky doesn’t love me anymore.” She pointed her finger at Elizabeth. “I watched you chase Jason out of town two years ago, and I know you screwed around on him last summer with Zander. I thought we could still be friends, but it’s clear that you’re the same bitch that rolled into town to make everyone’s lives miserable.”

Elizabeth took a step back and just stared at the stranger in front of her. “Are…are you serious right now, Emily?” she asked. “You’re angry with me about Zander, even though you broke up with him. I told you I was sorry, that it was a mistake, and believe me, I paid for that a hundred times over every time Jason looked right through me like I didn’t exist.”

“Sorry doesn’t change what you did,” Emily hissed. “Sorry doesn’t change that you’re not some little angel. You screwed around on my brother last summer, and then you screwed around on Ric. You wanted Jason when you had Lucky. You’re just never satisfied with what’s in front of you.”

“I don’t even…” Elizabeth shook her head. “I don’t even know you right now. I think we’re…I think we’re done talking.”

“We’re done when I say we’re done,” Emily snarled. “I’m going to tell my brother he should demand a paternity test, because God knows who else you slept with.” She tossed a glance at the guard at the courtyard entrance and smirked. “But maybe you just want my brother’s money. I see he’s already got a guard on you.” She folded her arms under her breasts. “Sure didn’t take you long. And here, I was worried about you since Courtney told me Ric was awful—”

“Yeah, let’s talk about that, Emily, you being the one that told Ric I was pregnant.” And here was the root of all her anger. This…person standing in front of her, as if they were actually friends, had put this entire disaster into motion. “What the hell gave you the right to tell him anything?”

“He deserved to know the truth,” Emily retorted. “Because you never bothered to tell me who the hell knocked you up. How was I supposed to know it wasn’t his?”

“You were supposed to keep your mouth shut!” Elizabeth cried. “You were supposed to be my friend. I trusted you. I didn’t tell anyone else I was pregnant, so as soon as Ric came and found me and demanded to know why I hadn’t told him, I knew you said something and I just…I died inside Emily, because I was terrified of him finding out.” She clenched her fists at her sides. “Do you know why I was breaking up with him? Because he only dated me to annoy Jason. He laughed at the idea of caring about me. I was just leverage to him, but I couldn’t tell you those things because I just knew that you wouldn’t believe me. You’d think I was overreacting or that I was using it as an excuse to go back to Jason.”

Emily narrowed her eyes. “If you’re so sure this baby is Jason’s, why were you terrified of Ric finding out?” She gasped. “You’re lying to my brother, aren’t you? I cannot believe—”

“I was terrified that Ric would find out I was pregnant and assume the baby was his,” Elizabeth lied. “I was terrified that he wouldn’t believe that he wasn’t, and that he would use my child as another reason to go after Jason. But you don’t think about things like that, do you? You’re such a self-righteous little bitch. You think you know what’s best for Jason, what’s best for me? You’ve spent the last month trying to convince me that your brother never gave a damn about me, and I almost believed you.”

“He didn’t,” Emily argued. “If he had, he would have come after you. He wouldn’t have spent all that time with Courtney. Because when my brother wants something, he goes after it—”

“You weren’t even here!” Elizabeth stamped her foot in frustration. “You have no idea what was going through our minds.”

“And what since you’re knocked up, it’s all good again?” Emily bit out. “You’re going to move in together and live happily ever after?”

“Not that it’s any of your business,” Elizabeth snarled, “but no. I’m not the slut you seem to think I am.” Her ire faded, and she suddenly blinked back tears. “You know…better than most, what I went through after my rape. How difficult it was for me to develop a physical relationship with someone again, even Lucky. I made mistakes last summer, Emily, and I am truly sorry that it hurt you. Believe me, I know the damage I caused, but for you to stand there, and insinuate that I sleep around when you damn well should know me better than that…” Her throat burned. “Well, then I guess I don’t know you after all.”

Emily pressed her lips together. “I guess the feeling is mutual.” She spun her heel and left the courtyard.

Elizabeth pressed her hands to her burning cheeks and turned to find Francis still at his post, his face as impassive as ever. “You guys…you don’t report to Jason everything do you?” she asked softly.

He cleared his throat, and looked at her, uncomfortable. “No, Miss Webber. Our only instructions are to keep you safe. The only thing I tell Mr. Morgan is that you got to work without incident or home that way.”

“Good.” Elizabeth turned back and sighed, resigned, as Carly walked towards her, her own guard behind her. “And the hits just keep coming.” She sank into a chair, and looked at Jason and Courtney’s best friend with apprehension. “Carly.”

“Elizabeth.” Carly stopped in front of her. “So you know I know.”

“I do,” Elizabeth nodded. “Can I ask you to yell at me tomorrow? Because I’m just…I’m not sure I can handle it right now.”

“Hmm…” Carly tapped her fingers on the purse at her side. “No, I don’t think I’m going to yell at you at all.”

Elizabeth’s head snapped up and she narrowed her eyes, remembering Jason’s worries from the day before. “Why?”

Carly shrugged. “I don’t like being predictable. Takes the spice out of life.” She cleared her throat. “I don’t like that Courtney’s hurting,” she admitted. “But this is…Jason’s life. His decisions, his choices. I’ve spent a lot of our friendship not respecting those things. And judging by the shouting I heard as I walked up, you don’t have a lot of people who aren’t going to yell at you about this.”

“My head hurts,” Elizabeth said, blankly.

“Like I said. I hate predictability. I’m going to have lunch. If you’re still on the clock, maybe you want to come serve me.” She pushed the door open, and disappeared in side, her guard Rocco taking up position with Francis at the entrance.

“I’m living in the twilight zone,” she murmured before she stood and got back to work.

+5