March 11, 2014

This entry is part 3 of 34 in the I Shall Believe
Chapter Two
 
November 15, 2003
 

Haye’s Landing

Courtney stood up and went over to the back window. “She forgave me though. For Jason’s sake, she told me.”

“Are you clean now?”

She turned and glared at him. “No, I’ve been high this whole time. Of course I’m clean. I told Jason that I was getting addicted and he made me get rid of all the pills. It was hard and I went through a bit of detox but I haven’t touched them since the night I hit Elizabeth.”

“I’m sorry.” Brian slid his hands in his pockets and sighed. “Courtney, I don’t know what to think. You seem to be an intelligent young woman but here you are, married to the hit man for your own brother. I can’t fathom how someone could put themselves into that position.”

“You didn’t know me last year when I was divorcing AJ,” Courtney bit out. “I had just been stalked–by my own husband, none the less and the only person I trusted–the only person who I felt safe with was Jason. Yeah, he’s a criminal. Sure, whatever. But just because you know how many times he’s been arrested it doesn’t mean you know Jason. You don’t know him and you don’t know me!”

“I know that you’re unhappy,” Brian replied easily, not giving in to the urge to yell back. “I can see it in your eyes. You’ve been married for what…a month? And how much time have you actually spent with your new husband?”

“Look, you don’t understand. My brother threw his wife out of the house. She was upset, in the last stages of her pregnancy. Things–they just happened fast and I couldn’t really concentrate on what was going on.”

“Because your husband was too busy helping them out instead of being with you?” Brian asked.

She shook her head. “No. He and Carly have been friends for years–he’s known them longer than I have. I’ve only known about my brother for about two years so I understand–”

“All I hear about this is that you understand. What about your wonderful husband?” Brian asked, his voice finally starting to raise. “When does he start to give a damn?”

“You don’t…” She broke off abruptly and a lump formed in her throat. “You’ve known me all of two weeks and you haven’t even met Jason–not really. You can’t sit here and make these judgments about me.”

Morgan started to cry then and she glanced at the baby monitor. “I have to go take check on him. I think you should leave.”

“Courtney, I’m not trying to–”

“I don’t really care what you’re trying to do,” she snapped. “But just in case you’re curious, you have succeeded in making me feel bad about pretty much everything I’ve done in the last year or so. Now please leave.”

Carly’s House

Carly stood in the doorway of the room that had been Michael’s during his short time here. She entered and sat on his bed, trying to get some sort of feel for her son.

She could picture him in her mind and even if she couldn’t, there were pictures of him all over the house. She remembered loving him but remembering the feeling and still experiencing that feeling were two different things.

There was a photo of herself and Michael on the nightstand. They were sitting on the couch in the penthouse. He was on her lap and might be about four.

“Such a beautiful little boy,” she whispered, tracing his face. Her eyes caught on her wedding and engagement rings. She hadn’t taken them off–not even when she’d moved out.

She set the photo down and slid the rings off her fingers. She hadn’t taken them off when they’d been divorced. She’d tried it but she could remember her hands feeling naked–feeling very different.

Now she felt lighter. A bit…free. It didn’t mean her marriage to Sonny was over. It just meant she was going to be on her own for a while.

And for the first time that Carly could remember, the prospect of being alone wasn’t a terrifying one.

The Studio

Elizabeth had finished with her tears a while ago. The panic had set in. This was bad. This was very bad.

It was bad enough there were three men she’d slept with in the span of two months. She really needed to get her life under control. No more mistakes, no more one-night stands. It wasn’t like her and she needed to stop making excuses.

But she was pregnant and it wasn’t the result of a drunken stupor or comfort sex. She was pregnant and it was because of a mistake. And it was a mistake, even she could acknowledge that.

She speared her fingers through his hair and tilted her head back as his lips scorched a path down her neck. “Oh, God,” she moaned as her hands slid up the slick skin of his back.

Elizabeth shook her head to clear the memory. Okay, logical thought time. Tell him. Right? She couldn’t just keep this from him. He had a right to know. And once he did…they could…

No, no, if she told him, everyone would find out and they’d know what a horrible person she was. She couldn’t even think of telling Emily, much less Nikolas or Lucky.

She chewed on her lip and resumed her pacing. Okay, back to her first instinct. Tell him. This was half his fault after all. She hadn’t been the only one in bed.

So she was going to tell him.

When was she supposed to do this? How was she supposed to do this?

They really needed to write some sort of instruction booklet on how to tell a married man you’re pregnant with his kid.

November 16, 2003

Jason’s Penthouse

“Okay, try this.”

Jason stared at the plate of eggs Carly placed in front of him. “I don’t eat breakfast.”

She rolled her eyes. “Humor me. I’m trying to learn how to cook.”

He eyed her with some trepidation. “Why?”

She sat down and sighed. “I’m going to be on my own for a while and I’d like to be able to take care of myself.” Carly crossed her legs. “Could you just let me know if they’re edible?”

He sighed and scooped some into his mouth. He chewed for a bit and then swallowed. “They’re not…bad.”

“They’re not good though right?” She sighed. “Frozen dinners here I come.” Carly pushed her hair behind her ears and Jason caught sight of her bare fingers.

“You took off your rings,” he observed.

She nodded. “It’s a symbol for me,” she told him. “Even if Sonny gets out of jail, I’m not going back to him. This…this not remembering my love for him…I think it might be good for me in the end. Even if I do get those emotions back…I have this chance to look at my life and my marriage without emotions blinding me.”

“I think he’s going to be convicted,” Jason told her bluntly. “He’s asking me how I’m getting this taken care of and truth be told, I’m not.”

She stared at him. “Why?”

“He shot you,” Jason said simply. “He’s out of control and he’s past the point where I can help him.” He took a deep breath and looked away. “He’s been my best friend for so long that even when he started to change, I didn’t really see it. I didn’t–I don’t think I wanted to see it. But he’s changed and before…I knew how to help him. I knew what to say, what to do to bring him out of these moods–these periods but I don’t know anymore. He needs help that I can’t give him and you can’t give it to him either.”

“So what are you going to do?” Carly asked softly. “He’s claustrophobic. You know he’s always hated jail.”

Jason nodded. “I know. I talked to his lawyer and I suggested he get examined by a psychiatrist. Put in a defense for mental defect.”

Carly pursed her lips. “What do you think is wrong with him?” she asked.

“I don’t know but something has to give, Carly. He shot you while you were in labor. It’s hard to forget that. So, when the next time he asks me if I’ve arranged for his escape…I’m gonna tell him what I told the lawyer.”

Carly reached out and covered Jason’s hand. “You know…I woke up without any emotions from my life before. Nothing for Michael, for Morgan, for Sonny, for you, for Courtney, my own mother…” she laughed a little. “I even woke up without the annoyance for Elizabeth and the hatred for Ric.” She gripped his hand. “But some of it has come back. The more time I spend with people, the more it comes back. And I want you to know that I really do love you. You have been here for me every step of the way without demanding things, without trying to change it…when I made it clear I wanted Lorenzo in my life, you didn’t argue even though I know you have every right to despise him.”

“You get to live your life how you want to. Do I agree with your decisions? No. But they’re your decisions and you have to do what you think is right.”

Carly nodded. “So, this is what I want to do. I want Courtney to bring the kids home for a visit this weekend…I don’t think I’m at a place where they can come live with me…I want to be further along in my therapy and a little more sure of myself before I do that but I want to spend time with them.”

“You want them to keep living in Haye’s Landing?” Jason asked surprised.

“Not if Courtney wants to come home, no. I know you two just got married and it’s not fair for her to be living away from you–”

“I didn’t agree with her leaving at first, no,” Jason allowed, “but once Sonny was arrested and you were still in the coma, I decided that it was for the best that they were gone so Michael wouldn’t keep asking questions about why Sonny was gone and what had happened to you. And Michael likes the house there, it’s a good area and I’ve got men posted around the town, not where anyone would notice. They’re safe, Carly, but say the word and they’re home.”

“While Sonny’s trial is going on, it probably wouldn’t be a good idea,” Carly replied. “I just…I need time and if you’re okay with her being there, that’s fine.”

He nodded. “I’d go there, too, but…I have responsibilities here. With Sonny out of commission for…well, there’s just things I need to do.”

Carly nodded. She looked away and her eyes caught a picture on the wall and for some reason, it reminded her of Elizabeth. “The strangest thing happened to me yesterday,” she remarked looking back at him. “After my appointment with Dr. Lewis yesterday, I ran into Elizabeth at the hospital.”

He pushed the plate of eggs away and nodded. “Is she okay?” he asked.

“Well, I assume so. She’s pregnant,” Carly admitted.

Jason’s head snapped up and he stared at her. “What’s that?”

“She’s pregnant,” Carly repeated. “When I say I ran into her, I mean we literally ran into each other and I saw the pamphlets.” She bit her lip before continuing. “I felt kind of weird asking her but since I knew she wasn’t with Ric anymore, I asked her who the father was.”

Jason swallowed hard. “What did she say?”

“Well, that’s the strange thing. I mean, I’m not saying I know her by any stretch but I always figured she was kind of prissy, not a slut at all–”

“Carly,” Jason interrupted. “What did she say?”

Frowning, Carly eyed him suspiciously. “She said that she didn’t know.”

“I have to go,” Jason said abruptly. He stood and headed for the living room.

Carly was hot on his heels and watched as he pulled on his leather jacket. “Jason, what’s going on?”

“Nothing,” Jason lied smoothly. He winced when he realized how second-nature lying was becoming. “I have a meeting I need to get to.”

“So what about my Elizabeth’s pregnancy news reminded you about this meeting?” Carly demanded. Realizing how accusing her tone was, she took a deep breath and stepped towards him. “You remember that understanding and unconditional support you’ve been showing me? Give me the chance to return the favor. What’s going on?”

Jason took a deep breath. “Carly, I’m not…I’m not going to put you in this position. You don’t need–”

“Let me decide that. Jason, is there a chance her baby could be yours?” Carly asked hesitantly.

Jason slid his hands uncomfortably in the pockets of his jacket. “There’s…there’s a slight chance,” he confessed.

“A slight chance,” Carly repeated. “What does that mean?”

“It means that I spent the night with her about two months ago, shortly after she got out of the hospital when Courtney and I were having some trouble. It was a mistake and we both decided we weren’t going to bring it up again,” Jason explained.

Carly blinked. She knew that Courtney was her best friend and sister-in-law but she’d barely seen the other woman since she’d woken up and therefore all of her sympathy and support went to Jason. “Then I guess you’d better go and find out.”

He nodded. “Carly…thank you. For not…”

“Yelling? Flipping out?” Carly shrugged. “Sorry to disappoint ya, Jase, but I think those days are over.”

Kelly’s

Elizabeth ducked into the bathroom in the back to throw up. It was a slow morning and she was the only waitress on duty right now.

When she’d emptied her stomach of its contents, she leaned against the stall door and closed her eyes. God morning sickness sucked.

After a few moments, she stood and went to wash her mouth out. She went into the kitchen and grabbed a glass of orange juice to get the taste out.

She’d just take a big gulp when Jason entered the kitchen. “We need to talk.”

She coughed and set the glass down, struggling to get her breath. She kept coughing, trying to clear her throat. He patted her back, feeling guilty he hadn’t been more careful with his ntrance.

“Are you okay?” he asked, alarmed.

She nodded and took a deep breath. “I’m fine. Did you need something?”

He nodded. “I talked to Carly today.”

Elizabeth’s face paled and she looked away. “Oh.” Her eyes went to the dining, hoping desperately a customer needed her. But…everyone was fine and she was going to have to have this conversation a little earlier than she wanted to. “And?”

“She told me you’re pregnant.”

Elizabeth folded her arms tightly across her chest. “I am.”

“And that you weren’t sure of the father,” Jason continued. “Obviously you can see where I might be interested in this information.”

“I told her that yesterday because I didn’t know how far along I was,” Elizabeth said quietly. “And last night, the doctor called and confirmed the pregnancy and told me so I know whose baby it is.”

“And?” Jason prompted.

She glanced out at the dining room and saw with relief that Nikolas and Lucky had entered. “I have to work,” she mumbled pushing past him.

“Hey,” she greeted. “How are you guys?”

“Fine, just grabbing something before I have to go on duty.” Lucky grimaced. “Foot patrol.”

Nikolas grinned. “Too bad you don’t have an office job.”

“I like my job but it can get really boring just doing the same thing over and over again.” Lucky looked at Elizabeth. “Hey, what are you doing for Thanksgiving? Aunt Bobbie’s trying to get some kind of family going.”

“I’m having dinner with my grandmother or at least I figure I am,” she remarked, trying desperately to forget that Jason was waiting for her in the kitchen. “I’ll check and get back to you.”

“Okay, then I just need a coffee to go and Nikky here–”

“I was really hoping you’d grow out of that,” Nikolas grumbled. “I’ll just have a coffee and the scrambled eggs plate.”

“Okay, I’ll get your coffee.” She avoided Jason’s impatient eyes and poured their coffee quickly.

“Did we, ah interrupt something with you and Jason?” Nikolas asked. “Because my meal can wait.”

She took a deep breath. “No. I’m fine. He’s fine. It’s all…fine.” She squared her shoulders and walked back to the kitchen.

“I’m seven weeks along,” Elizabeth said, careful to keep her voice low. “And I’m sorry to inform you, but you’re the only person I slept with seven weeks ago. If you’ll excuse me, I’m running a double shift and I have to cook.” She moved towards the stove.

He stared at her. “That means…”

She whirled around and glared at him. “Congratulations, Daddy,” she said scathingly.

This entry is part 2 of 34 in the I Shall Believe
Chapter One
 
November 2003
 

General Hospital: Tenth Floor Nurse’s Station

After a few moments of tense silence, Elizabeth abruptly whirled around and dashed for the elevator. Carly would have followed her but she was rooted to the floor.

Perfect, prissy Elizabeth Webber was pregnant and if Carly hadn’t been mistaken, the brunette had actually admitted she didn’t know the father.

She wondered if this signified the end of the world.

Port Charles County Jail: Visitor’s Center

Sonny tugged on the ends of his shirt and took a deep breath. “Look, how’s the bail issue coming?”

Jason shook his head. “Not well. You’re a flight risk.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “With Courtney out of town, they think you’ll head for her and then out of town. No one knows where she is.”

Sonny nodded. “Yeah, that’s for the best anyway. You any closer to getting this taken care of?”

“Sonny, we’ve talked about this,” Jason said, frustrated. “I can’t get this taken care of. You shot Carly. You shot Alcazar. This isn’t something we can explain away. You shot your wife while she was in labor.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Sonny demanded. “Wait for a trial?”

“Sonny, I don’t think you’re getting this. The lawyers all think you should make a deal,” Jason told him. “They don’t think they can win this. Every lawyer we’ve talked to says the same thing. There’s too much solid evidence, too much motive for you to shoot Alcazar. And even though he won’t press assault charges, it’s still a felony and you still shot Carly. It doesn’t matter that you weren’t aiming for her.” Jason leaned back and took a deep breath. “Look, I know that it’s not easy being in here but I can’t get you out. Not legally. Not for a long time.”

“So, what are you saying?” Sonny demanded. He lowered his voice. “That I need to…” he trailed off.

Jason nodded. “That’s the only option at this point.” He glanced at the clock on the wall. “I have to go. Carly’s done with her appointment.”

“How is she?” Sonny asked softly. “Has she remembered anything…?”

Jason shook his head. “No. She’s going to Cameron Lewis, hoping she might find out what’s going on.”

“And the boys? Are they okay with Courtney?”

“I have talked to them in a few days, but as far as I know, they’re all good.” Jason stood. “I’ll start working on the other thing.”

“Jason…I never meant to hurt Carly,” Sonny told him. “You know that right? I only wanted her to be safe.”

“Sometimes the more we try to protect people, the more we hurt them.” Jason shook his head. “I have to go.”

The Docks

“You shouldn’t be out here alone.”

Elizabeth closed her eyes and turned around. “Go away,” she said firmly.

Ric Lansing shook his head. “Elizabeth, you’ve been avoiding me for the past month. Since–”

“That was a mistake,” she said harshly. “And one I don’t intend to make again.” Even if she was pregnant and even if this child was Ric’s, she was never going to let him near it. He’d damaged her enough without being given access to a child.

He grimaced. “One day, you’re going to have to stop being so angry with me,” he warned her. “And you’re going to remember how much you love me.”

“Love was never the problem,” she hissed. She turned and crossed to the stairs, never turning back.

Haye’s Landing

“Aunt Courtney?” Michael asked as she helped him into a jacket to go and out play in the front yard. “Are we gonna live here forever?”

“No, of course not.” Courtney kneeled in front of her nephew. “Your mom is just not feeling well and it’s easier for her to get better if she’s not worried about you and Morgan.”

“What about Daddy?” Michael asked.

“Your father’s going through…” she hesitated. “A tough time.”

“Well…” Michael considered this. “I guess if we have to be somewhere other than home, this is okay. Brian is really awesome. I wish he lived in Port Charles.”

“Yeah, he’s great.” Courtney zipped the jacket up. “Okay, now go and play but don’t leave the front yard. I’m gonna go check on Morgan again.”

“Okay.” Michael dashed through the front door and Courtney moved to the back of the house. She wished Jason would call. They’d been here for two weeks now and he’d been there once and had called twice. They’d spent most of their first month married apart and Courtney was pretty much convinced that was the reason for her attraction to Brian.

After all, Brian was fast proving to be the anti-Jason. He came by a few times a day, he held a steady job and in a town like Haye’s Landing, the crime rate was so low, there was no danger in what he did. He was willing to talk to her which was more than Courtney could say for her new husband at this point.

Sometimes Jason shut down and she wasn’t sure how to deal with that. She’d tried to bring him out of it, tried to draw him into conversation but it never worked and it’d been happening more and more since this summer–since she’d doubted him about Ric, since she’d deliberately put herself and their baby in danger, since she’d take painkillers and hit Elizabeth. He’d go inside himself and nothing she could do could change that.

Courtney made sure Morgan was sleeping before taking the baby monitor and going into the kitchen to wash the dishes. She wasn’t going to lie to herself–she liked the quiet little life here. Liked the tree-lined streets, the small shops, the little white house with the big front yard and the back yard that stretched into the woods.

She’d miss this place when it was time go back to Port Charles. She’d never really had a home of her own. She’d gone from living with Janine to living with AJ to living with Jason. All of her homes had been paid for by someone else and this…while Jason was paying the rent, she was taking care of it. She was buying the groceries, cooking the meals, doing the housecleaning and when she went outside, she didn’t have to make five different calls to inform everyone. She just…went outside.

She was up to her elbows in the soapy dish water when the idea that she might actually resent Jason started to creep in. It was silly to resent him, she told herself. He’d warned her all along that life with him would be difficult and she’d thought she knew that. She’d thought she understood that his life was dangerous but as long as he loved her, it didn’t matter.

There was a knock on the back door and she knew who it was before she even looked. She forced down the fluttery feeling inside and reached for the dish towel.

“Come in,” she called.

Brian pulled open the screen door before pushing open the inside door. “Hey. I just…” He ran a hand through his hair. “When you told me your last name was Morgan, it didn’t occur to me that your new husband was Jason Morgan.”

By now she was used to this kind of conversation and she turned back to the dishes. “Yes. He’s my husband. Sonny Corinthos is my brother. Why?”

“I guess it’s pointless to point out that they both break the law on a daily basis.”

She closed her eyes. She could hear the disappointment in his voice and once, it would have pissed her off. How dare someone judge her for the decisions she’d made? How dare they judge Jason or Sonny before they knew them?

But now she was just resigned. “They’ve never been convicted,” she said lamely placing a plate in the drying rack.

“Because they’re damn good at what they do.” He strode towards her. “I pulled your file.”

She turned to look at him suspiciously. “I have a file?”

“Yeah. You’ve been arrested a few times. Prostitution, vehicular assault–two counts…” He shook his head. “You’re not exactly who I thought you were.”

“If you read my file,” Courtney began carefully, “then you’d know that I’ve never been convicted either. The prostitution charge was filed after cops raided a strip club I was working at it. The first count of vehicular assault was dropped because it was proved I wasn’t at fault and the second…”

The second  she’d been guilty of and it ate her. No matter that Elizabeth had forgiven her. No matter that Jason had, too. Or that Lorenzo Alcazar had ensured that she wouldn’t be prosecuted. She still felt guilty for every second Elizabeth couldn’t see–for every moment she’d spent in the hospital.

“The second?” Brian prompted.

“I hit a woman named Elizabeth Lansing,” Courtney began in a quiet voice. “I had had a miscarriage a few weeks beforehand and I’d found out that I wasn’t able to conceive again.” She closed her eyes. “I was attacked on the docks a few days before the accident and I was prescribed hydrocodone for the injuries. And I was…all I could feel was pain. Anger. Hurt. I was so angry with myself because I hadn’t told Jason about the baby and at first I wasn’t even going to tell him.”

“Why not?” Brian asked. “Weren’t you engaged by this time?”

“We were.” She hesitated and set the last plate in the drying rack. “Jason and I were talking about kids–he didn’t know I was pregnant and he didn’t think it was a good time to start a family. He said it was a good thing that we hadn’t yet…so I just…I decided I was going to put off telling him. And then I had the miscarriage and I didn’t…I didn’t think I should put him through it. So I kept it to myself.” She closed her eyes. “But every time I saw him, it was tearing me up inside and he knew something was wrong. But I just…I took the painkillers to hide it.”

“And you were high when you hit the woman?” Brian pressed.

“Yes. I didn’t need the painkillers by then–I had told Jason about the baby but…” Courtney shook her head. “Elizabeth Lansing…I knew her. She’d dated Jason before me and it was one of those relationships that…even people who don’t know them know they’re in love and I don’t…I’m not sure what went wrong. I know what he says and I know what she says but I don’t think it matters except that he was in love with her for a long time and we got together soon after they ended.”

Brian sat at the kitchen table while she talked, getting some insight into her relationship with her husband. “I was dealing the end of my first marriage to his half-brother AJ and we just…I guess maybe it started as a rebound thing. For me, anyway. But I did love him–do love him, I do,” Courtney corrected in a hurry. “But he’s got a history with Elizabeth Lansing and I saw them together one night and I was sure he was going back to her.”

“Together how?”

“Jason’s sister was sick and Elizabeth is best friends with her,” Courtney explained. “They were comforting each other. A week later, we’d just had a huge fight and Ric Lansing–Elizabeth’s husband, they’re separated…he told me that he’d seen them together and I guess…I just…I lost it. I took some pills, I got into the car and I hit her.”

She sat down across from him, her eyes downcast. “I didn’t mean to and even now I don’t remember much of it but she just…she came out of nowhere.” Courtney licked her lips nervously. “I got home somehow and Jason and I went on vacation after that. I didn’t remember it but someone knew–Carly, my sister-in-law–she tried to cover it up. But when I got back and I realized…” Her hands were shaking so bad she laid them flat on the table. She’d never spoken about this to anyone and somehow it seemed so wrong to tell Brian before anyone else but she had to say something.

“Elizabeth is an artist, has been for years,” she told him. “But the accident rendered her blind temporarily and God…that just…I couldn’t deal with it. I still can’t. If she’d never gotten her sight back, I don’t think I could have lived with myself.”

“If you were guilty and arrested, why weren’t you put on trial?” Brian asked bluntly.

And for the first time, Courtney told someone exactly why she was never formally charged. “Because Lorenzo Alcazar was in love with Carly and he thought arranging for a cover-up would look good in her eyes. I went to turn myself in and it was already taken care of.” She shook her head. “Sometimes, I wish he hadn’t. Because I deserved to go to jail for what I did to her.”

Carly’s Home

Lorenzo Alcazar was standing on her front steps when Carly pulled into her drive way. She couldn’t hide the smile and wasn’t even sure she wanted to.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, clearly pleased to see him. She unlocked the front door and ushered him inside.

Lorenzo shrugged. “I knew you were having your first session today and I wanted to see how it went.”

“It went okay,” Carly told him. She closed the door and hung her coat and purse up. “We just really scratched the surface but he thinks I don’t remember my emotions because now I can see the situation a little more objectively.”

He followed her into the kitchen and watched as she made herself a sandwich. She offered to make him one but he declined. “Which situation is that?” he asked finally.

“My marriage.” Carly sighed. “I remember thinking that as long as we loved each other, the rest of it didn’t have to matter.”

She sat down and shook her head. “But that’s not right at all. I should have seen it. The old me would have realized what was going on. The girl who sauntered into town and destroyed pretty much ever one she touched…” Carly nodded. “She would have seen that I was in a hopeless situation.”

“I doubt you destroyed every life,” Lorenzo remarked with a smile.

She flushed and bit into her sandwich. When she’d swallowed, she shrugged. “It doesn’t matter–that’s what I’d set out to do. Pay my biological mother back for abandoning me. I decided that I was going to steal her husband and make her life a living hell. I did for a while…but when I got pregnant with Michael, things changed for me.”

“Like what?”

“I won’t say it changed me for the better–not right away,” Carly admitted. “But I stopped worrying about my mother and more about myself. I don’t…I don’t really feel like psycho analyzing myself anymore.” She pushed her half-eaten sandwich aside. “How’s your niece doing?”

Lorenzo chuckled. “Sage? She’s wreaking havoc on everyone she meets. Nothing new. I am glad to have her here. It’s nice to have some family in town.”

“You should…” Carly hesitated. “I’d like to get to know her better. Maybe you could bring her over for dinner.”

Lorenzo raised his eyebrows. “Can you cook?”

“I’m a little out of practice,” Carly admitted. “But I could probably do something.” She took a deep breath. “And I’m going to ask Courtney to bring the kids in the same night. I think if I’m going to try and get…to get some of the emotions back, I need to spend time with them.”

“It must be hard to look at the people you once loved and not be able to feel those things but yet remember that you once did,” Lorenzo said.

“It is,” Carly said. She flushed. He didn’t know about the dreams–or about the fact that the only thing she did still feel was the way she had in those dreams. “But you’ve been so good to me, Lorenzo. A very good friend and I’m lucky to have you in my life.”

He squeezed her hand. “I’m the lucky one,” he said quietly. He could deal with gratitude and friendship. His schemes to get into her life hadn’t worked and maybe that was for the best. If he gained her love and trust this way…

Maybe they could make it after all.

Jason’s Penthouse

He pushed open the door and flicked on the light. The top floor of Harborview Towers was eerily silent.

There was a red blinking light on his answering machine so Jason pressed play and pulled off his leather jacket.

“Jase? It’s Carly. The therapy session went fine. Give me a call.”

“Hey…it’s me…” He paused and turned when he heard Courtney’s tired voice. “I guess I missed you. Um…things are okay here. Michael likes it and well, Morgan’s still crying all night but I guess that’s something to expected. Call me…”

“Jason…it’s me…Elizabeth. There’s…we need to talk.”

He stared at the answering machine and pressed replay for the third message.

…need to talk.

He couldn’t imagine what it was but maybe it had something to do with why she wouldn’t look him in the eye earlier today.

Studio

“Okay…” Elizabeth nodded and sighed. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll make an appointment. Is there a reason I didn’t realize until now? Okay…yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, Dr. Meadows.”

Elizabeth hung up and chewed on her lip. She was seven weeks pregnant. Not long enough to be either Ric or Zander’s…

Her eyes filled with tears and she sank to the ground.

“Oh, God,” she whispered painfully.

March 10, 2014

This entry is part 1 of 34 in the I Shall Believe

Song: I Shall Believe by Sheryl Crow

November 2003

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me

“When I was in the coma,” Carly Corinthos began hesitantly, “I had these…I guess you could say that they were dreams. But they felt…they felt so real.”

She glanced over at Dr. Cameron Lewis who just nodded and indicated she should continue. “I was with another man and I lived another life,” Carly continued. “It was almost like reliving memories. I remembered his touch, his kiss, the day he proposed, when I found out I was pregnant…” her breath hitched. “The day he died.”

“And when you woke up?” Cameron pressed.

“I still remembered those memories, those feelings but…” she hesitated again and stared at her hands. “I didn’t remember feelings from this life. The memories are there. But notthe feelings behind them.” She looked at her therapist. “What do you think that means?”

Elizabeth Webber’s Studio

Even if it’s a lie
Say it will be alright

Elizabeth Lansing sank slowly onto the old couch in her drafty studio, her lips pressed firmly together. Her eyes were trained on the white stick in her hands.

A plus sign.

This was bad, this was so bad. This was very, very bad.

Haye’s Landing House

And I shall believe

There was something about this life that called to Courtney Matthews-Morgan. Something about the certainty that when she woke up in her bedroom at the rented house with the knowledge that Brian Beck would be stopping by after breakfast.

It shouldn’t be an attractive idea but was it so wrong to like the idea that a man could have a normal schedule? That his life wasn’t tied to a cell phone? That he wouldn’t run away in the middle of the night with the option of him never coming home?

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

I’m broken in two
And I know you’re on to me

“Well, it’s never easy to say, Carly,” Cameron answered. “Sometimes our dreams are pipelines into our subconscious and sometimes they’re just dreams. Fantasies.”

Carly sighed. “But my feelings…I have a husband. Two children. And I can’t…there’s nothing there. Isn’t there something wrong with that?”

Elizabeth Webber’s Studio

That I only come home
When I’m so all alone

Elizabeth started to pace, a hand braced over her flat abdomen. Pregnancy was…it was not a good thing. Not right now. Not when her life had been so out of control she’d slept with three men.

Her eyes closed as the thought she’d been avoiding finally surfaced. Three men. Three candidates.

She sank back onto the couch, fear in her eyes.

Haye’s Landing House

But I do believe

Courtney leaned her head against the glass window that looked out over the front yard of her little safe haven. Michael and Brian were on the lawn, playing catch. Michael was laughing like he hadn’t laughed in months.

Morgan’s soft cries caught her attention and she went to check on her nephew.

If she closed her eyes for just a moment, she could almost believe this was her life.

Normal. Safe.

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be

“I don’t want to tell you there’s something wrong with you when I can’t possibly make that kind of diagnosis after one session,” Cameron told her. “But I do feel that there is something psychosomatic going on.”

“What do you mean by that?” Carly asked hesitantly.

“I know a bit about you,” Cameron replied. “I know about the high-risk pregnancy you went through, the stress you’re now dealing with after your coma and with your estranged husband imprisoned for your shooting. Your sister-in-law has taken your children to another town.”

“I should miss them,” Carly said. “I remember having the feelings of love for them both but I don’t have the actual feelings anymore. And I just can’t…Jason thinks I should call Courtney and tell her to bring them home but part of me thinks…” she paused and looked away. “Part of me thinks they’re better off where they are.”

Elizabeth Webber’s Studio

It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me

Elizabeth threw out the test and tugged on her red coat. There was no point in getting all upset about this…home pregnancies were notorious for being wrong.

She just had to go to the hospital and find out for sure.

And then she’d find out how far along she was and when she knew that…

Then she’d panic.

Haye’s Landing House

Please say honestly you won’t give up on me
And I shall believe

“Aunt Courtney!” Michael burst into the front room exuberantly. “Brian says that they get a lot of snow here and he says he can take me sledding!”

Courtney smiled and looked at the dark-haired man standing behind her nephew with a grin. “Well, when does it snow?”

“Should come any day now,” Brian remarked in that easy going tone she’d become accustomed to. His brown eyes sparkled. “I’d be more than happy to take the lady of the house sledding as well.”

“Yeah, Aunt Courtney, we could all go!” Michael said urgently. He grabbed her hand jumped up and down excitedly. “Please!”

“Well, if it means that much to you…” Courtney met Brian’s eyes and was startled to feel a slight flutter in her stomach.

That was not a good sign.

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

And I shall believe

“Why do you say that?” Cameron asked curiously. “They’re your children. You remember loving them, you remember raising Michael at least.”

Carly sighed and crossed her legs at the ankle, trying to find a comfortable position. “But right now, there’s nothing there and Michael looks at me with all this love and the guilt…it overwhelms me because he expects–and he deserves for his mother to look at him the same way and right now I can’t. So he’s better off with someone who can.”

Elm Street Pier

Open the door
And show me your face tonight

Elizabeth hurried down the stairs and was in such a hurry to get to the other side of the docks that she almost didn’t hear Jason Morgan call out to her.

She stopped in her tracks and turned. “Hey.”

“You seem to be in a hurry,” he said quietly.

She nodded, licked her lips nervously, her eyes darting anywhere but his face. “It’s cold,” she said lamely.

Jason nodded and rubbed the back of his neck. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “You?”

“Fine,” he answered. He knew she was lying and he thought she knew he was lying as well. But they’d been playing this polite game for a while and he wasn’t about to go back to where they’d once been.

It wasn’t their old friendship but it certainly wasn’t the blind hatred of the past year.

Haye’s Landing House

I know it’s true
No one heals me like you

Courtney handed Brian a steaming cup of hot chocolate. “I don’t have any coffee,” she told him.

He nodded and his eyes followed her across the room. “Did I do anything wrong?”

Frowning, she turned back to him. “Why would you ask that?”

“Because you won’t look me in the eyes.”

She flushed. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just…” Courtney sighed and looked at him, being careful to meet his gaze head on. “You make me feel things I shouldn’t.”

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

And you hold the key

Cameron nodded. “That’s a very natural reaction and there’s truth to that. Your son has had a very emotional short life, the less upheaval, the better for him.” He set aside his note pad and peered at Carly closely. “Tell me about your marriage before the shooting.”

“We were separated,” Carly said flatly. “I remember that it wasn’t what I wanted but Sonny wanted his family safe.” She chucked bitterly. “I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard the phrase in the last four years.”

“And it bothers you that Sonny puts the safety above your happiness.”

“Yes,” Carly said. “You get it. Finally!” She stood and started to pace. “Maybe now that I don’t have the love for him…I can look at this situation objectively.”

“And maybe that’s why you can’t remember that love to begin with,” Cameron suggested.

Elm Street Pier

Never again
would I turn away from you

“How’s Carly?” Elizabeth inquired. She slid her hands in her pockets and kept her eyes on the wooden planks of the docks.

“She’s fine,” Jason answered.

He was fine, she was fine, Carly was fine. It made her want to scream because none of them were fine. Jason–newly married–was already separated from his wife. Carly couldn’t remember any emotions and Elizabeth was pregnant with…someone’s child.

He saw the flash of something in her eyes. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” Elizabeth said quickly. Too quickly and they both knew it. He narrowed his eyes and almost looked like he was going to press the issue. She cleared her throat nervously. “I have to go.”

Haye’s Landing House

I’m so heavy tonight
But your love is alright

The silence was almost unbearable and if there anything she hated, it was the silence. She was always talking, always trying to fill silences and it was something she knew annoyed Jason.

“Say something,” Courtney said softly. She tucked her hair behind her ears and crossed her arms, almost hugging herself.

“I’m not sure what I should say,” Brian said after a moment. “You–as you have told me so often–are a married woman and I respect the vows of marriage.”

She nodded. “Okay. Then we can just drop this subject.” She started past him but he caught her elbow.

“But you make me feel things I shouldn’t either,” he finished in a quiet voice, his stare unnerving her.

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

And I do believe

Carly nodded. “You think this ties back into the psychosomatic thing from earlier. That I don’t want to remember how I feel about my family because it blinds me to the situation. That it makes me do things that aren’t right for me because I want to do what’s right for them.”

“It’s certainly something to be looked at,” Cameron agreed. “Tell me about yourself. Before the marriage. Before you were Sonny’s wife, who were you?”

Carly sank into her seat, her eyes sad. “I can hardly remember who I used to be.” She focused on her therapist. “That’s probably not a good thing, huh?”

General Hospital: Lynn Meadow’s Office

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be

Elizabeth pulled her sleeve down and looked at Dr. Meadows. “When will I have the results?”

Her obstetrician sighed. “I’ll put a rush on them. If you are pregnant again, we need to monitor it carefully.”

Elizabeth’s eyes widened in fear. “You said there was no damage from before.”

“There’s not. But we’d just like to be sure.” Dr. Meadows touched her arm. “Elizabeth, from the symptoms you’ve given, the time you’ve been late and the pregnancy positive…”

“You think I’m probably pregnant,” Elizabeth finished softly. “Yeah. I figured.”

Dr. Meadows handed her a stack of pamphlets. “You might still have some of these but there’s some things in there you might want to read about pregnancy after miscarriages and whatnot.”

Elizabeth nodded. “Thanks. You have my new number?”

The doctor nodded. “We’ll call you when we have the results.”

Haye’s Landing House

It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me

Courtney pulled away from Brian slowly and tore her eyes from him. “Brian–”

“But you are a married woman and my feelings really have no importance, do they?” he said. He stepped away from her.

“Don’t say that!” Courtney cried out, surprising them both. “They do. And so do mine. I just…don’t know what to think.”

“Why don’t you stop thinking and just trust the way you feel?” Brian asked.

“I can’t,” she whispered. She stepped away from him. “You’d better go.”

General Hospital: Cameron Lewis’s Office

Please say honestly
You won’t give up on me

“Your hour’s up,” Cameron said. He stood. “I feel like we’ve gotten a real good start here, Carly. I’d like you to come back.”

Carly nodded. “I will come back. Thank you, Dr. Lewis.”

She left his office and moved towards the elevators. Her head was down, digging through her purse for her car keys and she didn’t see Elizabeth coming towards her.

And I shall believe

Elizabeth was flipping through the stack of pamphlets, intending only to weed out those she didn’t already have. It worried her that Dr. Meadows wanted to monitor this pregnancy so closely–it had never occurred to her that her miscarriage might weigh negatively.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t see Carly.

They slammed into each other. Carly’s keys went flying and so did the pamphlets.

I shall believe

Elizabeth watched in horror as they fell to the ground almost in slow motion.

Carly stooped down and started to gather them. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t–” She broke off and looked up at the panic-stricken brunette. “Elizabeth…you’re pregnant?”

Elizabeth nodded slowly. “Yeah,” she whispered.

Carly stood up and handed the pamphlets to her. “It seems so…I don’t know how to ask this.” She took a deep breath. “Who is the father?”

“I don’t know,” Elizabeth admitted, terrified.

And I shall believe

 

March 7, 2014

This entry is part 8 of 8 in the North Star

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

— Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts


Patrick made his way into the lab, exhausted and hoping that Robin had made some progress. If she hadn’t, he would have to think of way to tell Elizabeth Spencer that her son would probably not survive the night.

Thoughts of Elizabeth and Cameron slipped from his mind when he saw Robin lying in a heap on the floor. Everything stopped, everything froze. His vision narrowed and for a moment in time, he couldn’t move.

When he saw her head move a little, heard the moan escape through her lips, it broke the moment and practically flew across the room to kneel at her side. “Robin, wake up, okay? You have to wake up–” He broke off and took a deep, stabilizing breath before lifting her into his arms and moving quickly towards the door.


“I knew she should have gone home,” Robert seethed as he paced out front of Robin’s hospital room. “I should have tied her up, tossed her in the car and then handcuffed her to something steel as far away from this hospital as possible.”

“Hey, she wouldn’t have gone,” Luke Spencer assured his old friend. “And she’s Anna’s daughter so she would figured out a way to free herself and come back here because she’s just that kind of person.”

“I ought to kill you,” Mac muttered to Luke. “Bringing this virus here–why can’t you have normal vacation like everyone else?”

“Oh, believe me,” Luke nodded, “Its tropical islands and drinks with umbrellas from here on out.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Did Jason and Carly make any progress in the islands?”

“I haven’t heard from them since they said they found the antidote.” Robert started to pace again. “Why we’re depending on a thug and a woman who’s no better than a common–”

“A common what?” Carly demanded shrilly as she stalked up to them. “Maybe for that I’ll just give the antidote to my kids and tell you and the rest of the hospital to go to hell–”

“I know places to hide a body,” Robert threatened, stepping up to the shorter woman. “Where no one will ever find you.”

“Okay, okay…” Luke eased between them. “Caroline, this isn’t the time to be yourself,” he admonished. “Robin’s sick and the old dinosaur over here gets touchy when his daughter’s dying.”

Carly frowned and glanced towards the door. She stepped up to the window and peered inside to see Patrick seated by an unconscious Robin. “She wasn’t anywhere near the patients, though. I–” she flicked a glance back at the trio of men gathered behind her. “I was talking to Mama about the virus before Jason and I left and she was talking about how glad she was Robin would be in the lab. How did she contract it?”

“She was in the ER helping out until we quarantined,” Mac answered with a frown of his own. “Why does that matter?”

“She didn’t figure out the serum?” Carly asked. “I thought that’s what she was working on–”

“She did,” Robert nodded. “But we had to give it to the worst case and that was Cameron Webber. He’s recovering so if Robin had just had more time–” he shook his head. “Why does that matter? Give me the antidote.” He held out his hand.

“It matters because Robin happens to matter to people I care about.” Carly planted her hands on her hips. “Look, I don’t like her, I don’t plan on liking her but Sonny cares about her, Jason always will and does most of the hospital staff, including my mother. I don’t want her to die.” Her lips curved into a smirk. “Life is more fun with her around.” She dug into her pocket and removed a few vials of the antidote. “Jason has the rest. I was taking this up to pediatrics for Morgan, Kristina and Cameron when I over heard the conversation.” She handed Robert one of the vials. “But since Cameron doesn’t need it anymore…”

Robert snatched it from her hand and went into the room, followed by Mac. Luke smiled at Carly. “Caroline, you do me proud sometimes. Going out there, finding an antidote and giving it to your worst enemy. What a mature thing to do.”

Carly wrinkled her nose. “Please. You’re making me nauseous.” She tucked the vials away in her pocket. “I’m not stupid, Luke. I know exactly what’s in the past and I’m just saying I don’t need another casualty on my head.” She shrugged uncomfortably. “But as far as Robin needs to know, Jason found the antidote and brought it back, are we clear?”


“How much do we even know about this?” Patrick demanded as he nervously watched Robert inject the liquid into Robin’s IV. “What if it makes her worse?”

Robert shook his head. “Carly took the antidote and her fever broke in less than ten minutes. And if she and Jason hadn’t taken their sweet time getting here, maybe Robin never would fell ill in the first place.” He set the syringe aside and folded his arms. “You can go check on your other patients now, Dr. Drake.”

“I don’t think so,” Patrick sat on the edge of Robin’s bed and monitored her vitals as the antidote slowly worked its way through her body.

Mac shifted. “The next time this happens, we’ll take your route,” he told his brother. “We’ll tie her up and then have Anna stand guard. She’ll keep Robin from escaping.”

“Deal.”

Robin moved her head from side to side, her lips parting on a small moan. “My head…”

Patrick immediately moved to inject some painkillers into her IV line. “That should help,” he told her before taking his place at her side again. “Welcome back, Dr. Scorpio.”

“Patrick…” Robin blinked her eyes and licked her lips. “How long…?”

“Two days,” Patrick reached for her hand and squeezed it. “You know, if you wanted my attention, all you had to was ask. No need to get all dramatic.”

She laughed weakly. “Still the most arrogant…” her eyes flickered for a moment and she focused on her father. “Daddy…?”

“Hey, Baby.” Robert knelt at her side and kissed her forehead. “You do know that thanks to you, your mother is probably over the Atlantic now and when she’s not worrying about you, I imagine she’s devising creative ways to display my head once she’s ripped it from my body.”

“No less than you deserve,” Robin murmured but with the anger of previous conversations. “The…I had a syringe…?”

“We found it.” Patrick smoothed her hair out of her face and garnered looks of genuine interest from the Scorpio men behind him. “And Elizabeth agreed to give it to Cameron. He’s recovering.”

She closed her eyes. “Thank God. I thought…” Her eyes flickered opened again. “Then how…?”

“Carly and Jason brought the antidote back from the Markham islands,” Robert supplied.

“Oops,” Luke said from the doorway. “I was supposed to tell you that Carly had nothing to do with it.”

Robin managed another weak laugh. “I owe my life to Carly. Yeah, that figures.” She shifted and looked back at Patrick. “What about the rest of the patients?”

“I…” Patrick coughed. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Robin asked, confused. “Why?”

“Because Junior Drake hasn’t left this room,” Luke supplied cheerfully, slapping Patrick on the back. “That’s dedication. Why don’t Bubba, me and Daddy Dearest go find out about those patients for you?” He grabbed Robert’s elbow and yanked him towards the door.

“Wait a second, she just woke up–” Robert was snarling as Luke dragged him down the hall.

“Luke has all the subtlety of a freight train,” Mac sighed. He leaned over Robin and kissed her forehead. “If you ever scare me like that again, I might have to lock you in a room padded with cotton just so I can feel safe.” He eyed Patrick for a long moment before looking back at Robin. “Anna will be landing in an hour or so and Felicia’s coming right after her so I’d better head to the airport.”

“Yeah, start thinking of excuses for why you let Georgie get married,” Robin said wryly as her uncle left. She focused on Patrick. “You should probably get some sleep.”

Patrick exhaled slowly and shook his head. “You’re deranged. You nearly died and you’re telling me to get some sleep.” He looked down at their hands and seemed to be surprised that they were stilled joined.

“How’s Noah?” Robin asked softly.

“As a matter of fact, I was coming to tell you that he agreed to let me test to be a donor.” He looked away. “But then you were on the floor so it didn’t seem important anymore.” He cleared his throat. “But I’m glad you’re feeling better. I should probably check on him and the rest of my patients.”

“Patrick…” Robin hesitated and thought about that moment in the lab when they’d both been exhausted and something had passed between them that neither were ready for.

“You can’t possibly be this blind. Why do you think I don’t want any thing to happen to you?”

She almost brought it up but at the last moment, she decided that she wanted to see where this might go on their own terms–without the drama of an epidemic, his father’s illness and her father’s return from the dead.

“I think when I’m feeling better,” Robin said instead, “that you should let me take you out to dinner.”

Patrick grinned. “Will this one actually have an ending I’ll like?”

Robin mirrored his smile. “We’ll see.”

This entry is part 7 of 8 in the North Star

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

— Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts


Elizabeth was leaning up against the wall, staring at nothing at all. Her son lay on his back in the small crib, howling. She’d exhausted tears long ago and was now praying for relief.

Patrick entered. “Robin was worried,” he remarked. He went to Cameron’s side and studied the toddler’s chart for a long moment before doing something with the IV line.

“What are you doing?” Elizabeth asked dully.

“Giving him a sedative so that he’ll sleep through the worst of it,” Patrick said. “The respirator has helped but his throat is inflamed and the screaming is only making it worse so this will be better for him.”

Elizabeth sat up straight and rubbed her eyes, smiling faintly as Cameron’s cries faded until he slipped into sleep. “Is Robin…is she any closer?”

“She’s been trying to isolate the virus but its slow going. There was something about studying Luke’s blood but I’ve been checking on patients so I wasn’t in that meeting.”

“Luke?” Elizabeth asked. “Is he sick too? I’m sorry–but I haven’t left this room since Cameron was admitted. I should have gone to isolation but…” she shrugged helplessly. “He’s my baby.”

Patrick nodded. “Well, apparently Luke brought the virus back from his vacation somehow and has been fighting it off so we’ll see. Children and the elderly will get whatever treatment we have first, okay?”

“I know…it’s just…” Elizabeth shook her head. “It’s just hard to listen to him crying and not be able to fix it.” She rubbed her hands together. “Robin–I wanted to check on her–I heard about her father and–is she okay?”

“She’s in the denial stage right now,” Patrick studied Cameron’s chart for another moment before frowning down at the small body. “I think she’s trying to avoid it while this crisis is going on. It seems to be going method of dealing.”

“There are only two good things about this entire situation,” Elizabeth said. “Lucky wasn’t around Luke or Cameron before we were quarantined and well…” she smirked. “Carly wasn’t in the hospital either. I already had to live across the hall from her once–being quarantined with her would be my own personal hell.”


Noah struggled from his bed and started for the door only to be waylaid by his son.

“Get back in there,” Patrick took his father’s elbow and steered him back. “You insisted on staying here to recover, then recover.”

“I’d be more help out there,” Noah argued but he didn’t have the energy to push past his son. “I can’t sit in here for days while chaos reigns out there.”

“Well, you’re going to have to,” Patrick helped him back into bed before pulling Noah’s chart from the foot of bed. “Your vitals were strong the last time Elizabeth checked you–”

“I heard about her son,” Noah cut in, “is he okay?”

“He’s not doing well,” Patrick sighed. He replaced the chart. “This strain is hard on the young, but most illnesses are. We form some sort of treatment, he’ll have a shot. Otherwise…” he shook his head. “I’m glad I don’t have kids and seeing Elizabeth Spencer upstairs in that room just makes me all that more certain that I don’t want them.”

“They’re a pain in the ass, but they’re generally worth it,” Noah said. “You’ll change your mind.”

“No, I won’t.” Patrick started for the door.

“You don’t have to have children to be vulnerable to loss, Patrick,” Noah called after him. His son turned, his hand on the door. “We both know that better than anyone.” Noah paused. “How’s Robin? Bobbie told me about her father.”

“She was dealing with it before this all began, now she’s avoiding it.” Patrick shrugged. “She’s stronger than she looks.” He looked away. “Get some sleep.”

When the door shut behind him, Noah leaned back against his pillows.

“How could I live with myself if my selfishness cost me my son?”

“And how will Patrick be able to live with himself when you die and he could have saved you?”


Mac found Patrick examining Lulu Spencer. He waited for the doctor to exit the room. “They told me at Admitting that you’re Cameron Webber’s doctor on record.”

“One of them,” Patrick started down the hall and Mac fell into step next to him. “How do you know him?”

“Elizabeth’s husband is one of my officers and they won’t let him in. He wanted an update straight from you, Elizabeth won’t give him any straight answers.” Mac stepped in front of Patrick. “He’s bad, isn’t he?”

Patrick sighed. “Yeah–along with Lulu Spencer, Dillon Quartermaine and Morgan Corinthos, all four of them are in the worse condition. They’re young and their bodies can’t find the disease as well. They don’t have enough antibodies. If we don’t come up with some sort of treatment…”

“Robin’s working on that, isn’t she?” Mac cast a long look down the hall where he knew the labs were located. “I wish she were anywhere but here.”

“She’s not working near the patients,” Patrick assured him. “She wanted to check on them but I convinced her not to.”

Mac frowned. “I didn’t realize you had that sort of influence over my niece. She’s as stubborn as the rest of the Scorpios.” Filing that information away for later, he shook his head. “If anyone can find a treatment, Robin can.”


Robin finished loading the syringe with liquid and exhaled slowly. “Well–it’s start.”

She tucked the syringe into her lab coat pocket and stood. As soon as her feet hit the ground, she was struck with a wave of vertigo. “No…” Robin shook her head resolutely. For the past hour, she’d felt warm and a little dizzy but she’d worked through it, determined to get this formula created and to one of the patients to test.

She’d come too far to fail now.

Robin took a deep breath and started for the door.

She never made it.

This entry is part 6 of 8 in the North Star

But you just smile and take my hand
You’ve been there you understand
It’s all part of a grander plan that is coming true

— Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts


Noah was surprised when Bobbie slipped into his room that evening. “I would have thought you were on duty.”

“I am,” she sighed, exhausted. She sat in the chair next to his bed. “But we’ve taken care of everything we can for now. Until the research staff makes some headway, there’s not much else we’ll be able to do.” She rubbed her eyes. “I’ve had a few people in my life come back from the dead, I’m not sure if you know that.”

“It does seem to be a trend in this town,” Noah agreed. “Who’s back this time?”

“I mean, we have an overabundance of people who ought to be six feet under,” Bobbie continued. “Laura came back twice, Carly came back at least once that I can think of, Roy came back, I believe Alan faked his own death at one time, Brenda, Anna came back and Stavros Cassadine–don’t even get me started on that but I felt sure that least Robert Scorpio was dead because he would never leave Robin to grow up without him.”

“But he was alive,” Noah stated.

“And he’s with the organization that’s quarantining the hospital, if you can believe that irony.” Bobbie rubbed her eyes. “And I thought January was the month from hell.”

“Yeah? What happened in January?”

“My son came out,” Bobbie replied. “He told me in the middle of an entire police station that he was gay.” She laughed ruefully. “As if giving me Carly as a child wasn’t enough.”


“Well, I’m sorry you feel that way, Robin,” Robert said, “but you will give me the chance to at least explain what happened.”

“The way you gave me a chance to grow up with my father?” Robin snorted and set a slide onto the stage of her microscope. “Maybe in fourteen years.”

“Robin, you owe me the opportunity–”

“I don’t owe you anything.” Robin slammed her pen down and got to her feet. “You disappear for most of my life and you show up, bark orders at me, treat me like I’m nothing to you and you suddenly decide that I owe you something? Well, I’m sorry, Dad, but we’ve both changed since you died.”

“I left to protect you,” Robert told her. “To protect you and your uncle. I didn’t know for sure that everyone had been killed in the explosion and if they thought I was dead, you would be safe.”

“And you stayed away because?” Robin demanded. “I notice you’re not so focused on protecting me and Uncle Mac that you’re staying away now.”

“Once Anna turned up and regained her memory and no attempted to harm her or you, I knew you would be safe. And by then, it was easier to let you believe I was dead. You had lived more time without me than you had with me.”

“Wow…” Robin shook her head. “I can’t believe that you are my father, I can’t believe that you are the same man that I knew when I was fifteen. I just–” She turned her back. “I have work to do now, so if you’d just leave me alone.”

“I don’t expect you to understand, Robin–”

“Well, good–because I don’t. I don’t get how you can let me believe that you were dead.” She whirled around. “Do you have any idea what I’ve been through since you’ve been gone? My boyfriend died of AIDS, Dad. And I tested positive for HIV.”

Robert exhaled slowly. “I know and it was hard not to come back I found that out but it was for the best, Robin, you must believe that–”

“Uncle Mac was shot, he got married, Dad and he got divorced-and he was burned in a fire. Did you know any of that? Did you even care to find out?”

“There isn’t much I don’t know about you, Robin,” Robert told her. “But it doesn’t change my mind about making the right decision–”

“No, I didn’t think it would because that’s something we still have in common–we’re stubborn.” Robin smiled bitterly. “And I’m pretty damn sure I would like you to leave. Now.”

The door to the lab slid open and Patrick stepped in. At seeing Robin with Robert, he stopped. “I’ll come back.”

“There’s no need, my father was just leaving.” Robin folded her arms. “I just have one more question, before you go. Does Mom know you’re alive? That her marriage to David was invalid because you are still alive?”

Robert sighed. “No, Anna does not know.”

Robin nodded. “I didn’t think so–she would have told me at least.” She flicked her gaze to Patrick. “Did you need something?”

“Ah…,” Unused to discomfort, Patrick shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I was just checking on Robin–her progress, I mean.”
“You can go, now, Dad. We have nothing else to talk about.”

Robert waited a moment but when he realized she wouldn’t relent, he left, brushing past Patrick.

“I haven’t made any progress,” Robin said immediately. “There’s just not enough information and the WHO is being stingy about turning anything over–”

“I’m not–if you’d made any, you would have said something. I saw your dad heading in this direction and I just–” Patrick shifted again, clearly out of his element. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“No, I’m not,” Robin muttered. She sat back on her stool and stared at her fingers. “He stayed away to protect me and when he knew I’d be safe, he’d decided that it was easier to let me believe he was dead. And my mother–” Robin closed her eyes. “Mom doesn’t even know he’s alive. Her marriage is invalid. I mean they’re divorced now but it’s the principle of the thing. You don’t let your wife believe you’re dead, you don’t let your child, your family, the people who love you–” her voice cracked and she put her heads in her hands. “I am so tired of this.”

Patrick approached her and hesitantly put a hand on her shoulder. “I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a parent and then find out that they’ve been alive all along and never told you.”

“It’s like having your whole world ripped out from underneath you,” she murmured. “And he doesn’t even understand why. He’s so damn stubborn, so sure that he’s right.”

“Well, at least now I know where you get it from,” Patrick said. She looked up at him, incredulously. “Sorry–just trying to make you smile.”

“No, you’re right. My uncle Mac’s been saying it for years–I’m just as stubborn as my parents.” She sighed and rubbed her eyes. “Is there any changes in the patients? Do you know Cameron’s status?”

“Everyone’s admitted, we have one or two new cases and Cameron’s fever has leveled at 104.3 the last time I looked in on him. The elderly and the children are being monitored very closely, but no one’s made any improvements.”

“I should go check on them, get a first hand look–maybe there’s something I’m missing.”

Patrick tightened his hand on her shoulder to keep her from rising. “You’re not going anywhere near them.”


“Your son is gay?” Noah repeated. “And why was he in a police station?”

“Because he was beaten up,” Bobbie sighed. “He’s going to counseling to deal with it all and I’m just praying it’s a phase.” She shook her head. “I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about this transplant of yours. Tony says you’ve refused treatment.”

“I’m not going to get a liver that ought to go someone else more deserving–I won’t do that, Bobbie and I’m sure as hell not going to let my son put his life in jeopardy to do so either.”

“Noah, don’t be ridiculous,” Bobbie chastised. “You know the success ratio of a surgery like this–there’s almost no risk to the donor, it’s usually to the person getting the organ, with rejection and all that but Patrick will be safe.”

“Things go wrong all the time in the OR,” Noah shook his head. “Surgeons make mistakes, they lose patients.” He looked towards the wall. “How could I live with myself if my selfishness cost me my son?”

“And how will Patrick be able to live with himself when you die and he could have saved you?” Bobbie demanded. “Oh, you men are all alike–you think you know everything and that you know what’s best. Well, you’re being plain out ridiculous, Noah Drake and I can’t believe you’re going to let your son have your death on his hands.”


Robin bristled. “Excuse me?”

“You’re tired, you haven’t eaten all day and your immune system already isn’t as strong as everyone else’s. There’s no way you’re going anywhere near those patients until you get some sleep and eat.”

“Who do you think you are? You’re not my doctor,” Robin retorted.

“But they are my patients and if you fall sick with this flu, then where will be?” Patrick demanded. “You’re too susceptible to this virus, Robin and I’m not taking the chance that’ll you get sick.”

“Why do you care?” Robin snapped. “If I get sick, they’ll just get another researcher, I’m not irreplaceable–”

“You can’t possibly be this blind,” Patrick all but snarled. He spun her seat around and gripped her shoulders. “Why do you think I don’t want any thing to happen to you?”

A sarcastic comment was on the tip of her tongue but Robin bit it back when she met his eyes and saw something that would go unsaid because it, quite frankly, terrified them both. “Oh.” She bit her lip. “Okay, well–I–I should probably take a break, get something to eat–a nap.”

Patrick released her. “You do that, I’ll go do another round on the patients and check in on Cameron.”

This entry is part 5 of 8 in the North Star

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I’d like to have the time I lost and give it back to you

— Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts


Mac was sitting in his office, studying statements from the Ruiz case when there was a hesitant knock on his door. Robin stood in the open doorway. “Uncle Mac?”

Mac leapt to his feet, alarmed at his niece’s pallor. “Robin, what’s going on? What’s wrong?”

She entered the office and closed the door behind her. “Uncle Mac, something happened at the hospital this morning…” Her knees felt like jelly again and she lowered herself into a chair. “I saw…” she swallowed hard. “I saw…I saw Dad.”

Mac sat down with a thud. “Robin–that’s just not–it’s not possible.”

“That’s–I thought that too but I saw him, and we spoke–” Robin’s voice thickened and she gripped the strap of her purse. “He asked to see the chief of staff and he was talking to me like we didn’t even–like he wasn’t my father.” Her lips trembled. “He said it was good to see me but he wished I hadn’t been at the nurse’s station. And I told him where Alan was and he just…”

“Robin, you understand that you’re telling me that Robert–my brother–is still alive.” Mac gripped his pencil. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t–” she shook her head. “I wouldn’t lie about this. And if I had dreamed my father came back…it certainly wouldn’t be like this–” Her voice cracked. “He was so cold, Uncle Mac. I don’t understand–it’s not like with Mom where she had amnesia and really didn’t remember me. He knew who I was and–he didn’t care.” Robin clutched at the arm rests of her chair. “I don’t know what’s supposed to happen next or–”

Her beeper went off and Robin closed her eyes. “I have–that’s the hospital–he was at the hospital to meet with Alan. Can you–” She rose to her feet. “I don’t know, Uncle Mac. I need you to…I just need you.”

Mac stood and rounded the desk to pull Robin into a hard hug. “I’ll go right now and see if I can find him. I’ll get to the bottom of this, Robin, I promise you.”

Lucky Spencer rushed to the door. “Mac–I gotta go to the hospital. My dad and my sister were just rushed in and Elizabeth just called–Cam’s sick–”

“That must be why I’m getting beeped.” Robin cleared her throat and wiped at her eyes. “I’ll be at the hospital when you get done that…thing…”


Patrick had been in the middle of discussing treatment options with Tony when he himself had been beeped to go the ER. When he arrived, the place was in bedlam–there were patients every where. Kids screaming, babies crying, people crowded into a very small waiting room.

“Jesus Christ,” he swore. “What happened?”

Robin burst through the ER doors, shrugging into her white coat. “It’s some kind of flu,” she said, breathless as she approached him. “Some really weird strain.” She scanned the crowd and was dismayed at the familiar faces–Alexis was coughing while her husband looked on–Lulu was doubled over, Dillon was patting her back as Robin’s cousin Georgie stood by them. And weirder–Tracy was barking orders at the passing doctors to demand they look at her husband.

When Robin spotted a terrified Elizabeth cradling a hysterical Cameron, she abandoned all other thoughts and rushed over. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“I d-don’t…know,” Elizabeth said brokenly. “He w-was s-sleeping and I w-went in to c-check on him and he was b-burning up–” her stricken eyes met Robin’s. “You have to help him.”

“Okay,” Robin murmured. She put an arm around her friend’s shoulders and led her towards the elevators. “We’re going to draw some blood, put him on a respirator–”

“What?” Elizabeth asked, panicked. “Why?”

“Because he needs help breathing right now. He’s too young to have struggle like this.” Robin pushed the button. “We have to take him to pediatrics–there are good doctors up there, Elizabeth, who will know exactly what to do.”

“You w-won’t be there?” Elizabeth asked, shaken. “Where are you going?”

“I’ll be needed in the lab–to examine the blood, to find out what strain this is so that we can treat everyone. ” She gripped Elizabeth’s shoulders. “It’s going to be okay.”

The elevator doors slid open and Robin nudged Elizabeth in. She pressed the floor for pediatrics and stepped back. “I’ll be up to check on you in a little while, okay?”

When the doors slid shut, Robin took a deep breath and threw herself into the work and putting all other events out of her mind.


Mac found his quarry standing with a shaken Alan Quartermaine outside the chief of staff office.

“This is all so confusing, I don’t understand–” Alan was saying as Mac stepped up to them. “You’re supposed to be dead and you’re quarantining the hospital?”

“I wish there were time to explain everything but we have to act fast,” Robert said. He heard the footsteps behind and turned to face his brother. “Mac.”

“She was telling the truth,” Mac murmured. “I had to see–” His voice shook and he looked away. It took him a long moment before he focused. “I want to know what’s going on right now.”

“There’s a strain of flu that I’ve been chasing and it was brought to Port Charles–there are people already showing the symptoms. I was explaining–”

“I don’t care about any of that right now,” Mac slashed a hand through the air. “I’m talking about you being dead and gone for fourteen years and showing up to treat your daughter like a stranger.”

“I can’t–” Robert shifted uncomfortable. “I won’t talk about that right now. When the hospital is quarantined and we’ve got a handle on the situation, we can–I’ll talk to her–” he broke off. “She looked good. I–I’m grateful to you–but–” he shook his head. “It’s not the time right now–there are people’s lives at stake.”

“Fine,” Mac all but snarled. “Do you need anything to quarantine the hospital?” he asked Alan. “Any men?”

“No, but we’ll be transporting as many patients as possible to Mercy so that we can concentrate on the flu victims. Some police escorts would be helpful.”

“I’ll call some men.” Mac sent another scathing glare at his brother before storming away.

“Coming back from the dead,” Alan sighed, “It’s never easy.”


“Here are more test results,” Patrick said, setting a stack of folders next to Robin’s work space. “Fifteen total patients so far.”

Robin exhaled slowly. “It’s incredible–I don’t ever remember something like spreading so fast and becoming so dangerous. This a strain like I’ve never seen before.” She made some notes. “Is there, ah, any word on the quarantine? Has it gone into effect?”

“The last non critical patient was transferred to Mercy ten minutes ago. Everyone has been admitted and is receiving what treatment isavailable. Your father–” Patrick coughed. “He’s from the World Health Organization and apparently, it’s a tropical flu that he’s been chasing for years with no real cure.”

Robin rubbed her eyes. “I haven’t seen him since this morning but my uncle Mac said he wasn’t very forthcoming with the explanations.” She reached for some of the results that he’d brought. “I didn’t even–did they move Noah?”

“They tried but he refused to go. He said as soon as his incision was healed, he wanted to be able to help here.” Patrick sat on the stool adjacent to the desk. “He won’t have a transplant.”

Robin’s pen fumbled and she looked at him. “What?”

“He doesn’t want a transplant.” Patrick reached for a nearby pencil and twirled between his fingers. “He says that he’s wrecked his life, he’s not going to put mine in jeopardy.”

“But there’s a high ratio of success–especially between family donors.” She shook her head. “He’s a surgeon, he must know the statistics.”

“Yeah, well…” Patrick snapped the pencil in two and cleared his throat. “You remember what I said earlier about things not possibly getting worse?”

“Yeah, even the great Dr. Drake makes mistakes,” but Robin softened the statement by giving him a weak smile. “You should get back out on the floor.”

He stood. “I’ll stop by later to see how–how the research is going.”

Robin watched him go and sighed heavily. And she’d thought the day had started badly.

A long time later, as she struggled with exhaustion, the door opened again and Robin glanced up, expecting to see Patrick or even Elizabeth. Instead, her father stood here.

“The situation is under control for the moment,” Robert remarked. “I thought we might talk.”

Robin set her pen aside. “What’s there to talk about? Did you have amnesia like Mom and couldn’t remember your life?”

“No.”

“So you’ve been alive all this time, you knew who you were and that we thought you were dead and you still didn’t contact us.”

“Well, yes,” Robert stated.

Robin picked her pen back up and continued making notes. “Then I don’t see what we have to discuss.”

This entry is part 4 of 8 in the North Star

This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

— Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts


“The biopsy went as expected,” Tony told Patrick as Noah was wheeled back into his room. “We’re sending the tests down to the lab and we should have the results back in a few hours.”

“How long will he be asleep?” Patrick asked. “I didn’t realize you sedated the patients during a routine biopsy.”

“We didn’t at first, we used a local but he was complaining about pain so we used general. It should only last about an hour.” Tony checked the chart. “Normally, this is an out patient procedure but since he’s already checked in, there’s no point in sending him home.”

“From performing the biopsy…” Patrick hesitated. “Is there anything you can tell me?”

“We used a different type of procedure, we never even opened him up so we really can’t make any determination before the results come in.” Tony cleared his throat. “Robin mentioned that you were interested in being tested for a living donor transplant.”

“I didn’t realize Robin was still working on my father’s case–I thought she turned it over to you.”

“Well, she’s primarily a researcher, Patrick. If we weren’t so short handed, she wouldn’t be working the ER at all. But no, she’s not on the case anymore. It had to be handed over to a surgeon.” Tony put a hand on Patrick’s shoulder. “Just relax, there’s no point in getting involved in possible treatment options until we diagnosis. It’s a complicated and invasive procedure.”

Patrick exhaled slowly. “Yeah, that’s what Robin said too.”


Robin pushed some charts aside until she found the one she was looking for. While making notations, she heard a set of footsteps stop in front of the nurse’s station and not move on again.

“Can I–” Her words trailed off as she looked up and swallowed hard.

She used to have a picture that she took everywhere, always tucked it in her wallet, in her purse–in her shoe if there were nowhere else to keep it. Her father and her mother, before the boating explosion.
When she found her mother a few years ago, she’d exchanged the picture for one of her father solo. She said a prayer every night for him and had always felt a little better knowing that he was looking down on her.

Apparently, he was a little closer than the heavens.

Robert Scorpio was fourteen years older, but the shape of his eyes, the line of his nose–his hands–they would always be the same.

Robin set her pen down. “Daddy?” she whispered.

Robert cleared his throat. “I need to speak with the chief of staff–but I’m not sure who that it is.” He shifted. “It’s good to see you, Robin.”

“It’s good to see you,” Robin repeated numbly. Words you’d say if you hadn’t spoken in a few years but… “I don’t–I don’t understand.”

“I need to speak to the chief of staff, Robin,” Robert said again. “Can you tell me who it is?”

“That’s all you can say?” Robin said, regaining some slight composure. “It’s good to see you–where’s the chief of staff? You haven’t been out of town for a few weeks, Dad, you’ve been–” She clasped a hand over her mouth and stepped back. “You’ve been dead,” she whispered harshly. “Don’t you have anything to say to me?”

Robert shook his head. “I can’t–we can’t get into this right now, Robin. I wish there had been anyone else at this desk at this moment. I need to–”

“His office is where it’s always been,” Robin interrupted coldly. “And Alan Quartermaine is the chief now.”

“I–I’ll get in touch with you later,” Robert said after a long moment. He reached out and touched her cheek before abruptly letting his hand fall to his side. He stepped away and disappeared down a hallway. Robin stared after him and brought her hand to her cheek.

“Robin?”

A voice penetrated through the thick fog surrounding her throats. She cleared her throat and focused on Patrick. “What–what do you want?”

She was so pale, he thought. Her lips and her cheeks were drained of color and she was holding her cheek like she’d been slapped. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “Did–was someone giving you a hard time?”

“No–I ah–” Robin shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. “My–he was–it’s not important.” She dragged a hand through her hair. “What did you need, Patrick?”

“My–my dad’s results are in and I wanted to–” Patrick touched her shoulder. “Seriously, Robin–what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you look so…” Unfocused, shaken, he wanted to say. Her eyes were flat, empty. “I know we don’t get along on the best of days, but–”

“I can suddenly understand how your father can do something that makes you want to hit him,” Robin murmured. “How he can throw something away and not understand why it’s so wrong…” She gripped the counter. Suddenly her knees felt weak. “I need to sit down.”

“Okay, okay–” Patrick took her arm and put an arm around her waist to keep her standing as he led her over to the couch. She didn’t put up a fight and that alone gave him some insight–something had rocked her world. “Here we are.” He lowered her to the couch and sat on the table in front of her. “Do you need some water?”

“No…I’ll be okay in a minute.” Robin fisted her hands in the fabric of her dark cotton pants. “I just–I need a second.”

“Did you have a fight with your uncle?” Patrick asked. “Was he just here?”

“My uncle?” Robin repeated, confused. “What do you mean?”

“Well you said he raised you when your parents died and when you said your father–” Abruptly Patrick closed his mouth as something absurd occurred to him. “Your father is dead, isn’t he?”

“Not anymore,” Robin whispered. “I was just–I was standing there and he came up to me–he spoke to me like he didn’t even know me,” she said, horrified. “And then he said–he said, it’s good to see you, Robin.” Her bewildered eyes found his. “Like we were old friends that hadn’t seen each for a while. And when I asked—he just wanted to see Alan and he said he wished it had been anyone else at the desk–” She covered her mouth and bowed her head. “I don’t understand–he’s supposed to be–I don’t understand what’s happening.”

Wondering if maybe she’d been hallucinating because it was his experience that people didn’t usually come back from the dead, Patrick switched positions to sit next to her on the couch. He was sure he was the last person she wanted to see right now but whether she liked it or not, he was the only person available. He put his arm around her shoulders and hesitantly drew to his side.

She surprised him by collapsing and curling into his embrace and when he felt the warmth of her tears on his shirt, he understood something for the first time. He understood what his father might have seen in his mother that would make him even remotely consider being a one woman man.

“It’s okay,” Patrick murmured, instinctively brushing his lips over her dark hair. “Well–okay, it’s not but it will be.”

“You can’t know that,” Robin whispered. She raised her head and met his eyes. “You can’t promise that.”

“Sure I can,” he said, giving a half smile. “If there’s anything I do know, it’s that nothing can possibly get any worse than your father coming back from the dead and my father being given a death sentence, right?”

Robin inhaled sharply and drew away. He let her go reluctantly and watched her wipe frantically at her eyes. “Noah’s results came in?”

“Yeah–it’s end-stage cirrhosis, like Tony thought it would be. It’s not–there’s nothing I can do about it right now, Robin. Let me–” he reached for her but she shook her head.

“I have–I have to go find my uncle Mac. And–” She closed her and bit down hard on her bottom lip. “I’m so sorry about your father, Patrick. I really am.” Robin stood and looked around, somewhat confused as if suddenly realizing that she wasn’t at the nurse’s station anymore. “Thank you…for…” she suddenly felt embarrassed. “I wish I hadn’t fallen apart like that but thank you for…being kind.”

“I care about you, Robin,” Patrick stood and she stepped back a little. “I’m not sure who that surprises more–me or you. But I do and I want to be here for you–the same way you’ve been there for me since we admitted my dad last night.”

“I can’t–” She couldn’t breathe. Wasn’t there a limit on how much a person could take in one day? “I don’t–”

“It’s okay,” Patrick nodded. “Go see your uncle. He’ll know the right words to say and what to do next.”

“Okay.” Robin took a deep breath and attempted to get a grip on her swirling thoughts. “I’ll be back though–for–for you and Noah, okay?” She rushed away before he could answer and he watched her go, wishing he’d never met her.

He’d never wanted to meet someone his mother would have approved of.

This entry is part 3 of 8 in the North Star

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms

— Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts


Robin poured herself a cup of steaming coffee and carried the mug to the break room table. She had a stack of charts that need notations and some paperwork on some patients that needed to be filled out and she thought the mindless work would put the evening out of her mind.

It wasn’t working yet, but she had high hopes.

She was in the middle of Sarah Winter’s release forms when the break room door swung open and Tony Jones entered. “Tony,” Robin smiled. She sat up and capped her pen. “Have you examined Noah Drake yet?”

Tony sighed and sat across from her. “In addition to the blacking out, he mentioned he’s been unusually tired lately. With his history of drinking…and his hands…” Tony held out his own palm, “His palms are red.”

Robin blinked and sat back. “Red palms. You think it’s…”

“It’s one of the common symptoms,” Tony agreed. “But the only way to be sure is to schedule a biopsy. Noah okayed it, but he’s a doctor–he knows what the possibilities are.”

Robin exhaled slowly. “Have you told his son yet?”

“No,” Tony slid the chart over to her. “I thought you might be able to break the news better–you two are friends and it might come better from someone he knows.”

It was on the tip of her tongue to refuse but Robin was a better person–a better doctor than that. She sighed. “If it is what we think it is, what do you think his chances are?”

Tony shook his head. “Until we do the biopsy, I can’t be sure but it wouldn’t surprise me if we were looking at end-stage. And then his best option is a transplant. Patrick’s a doctor, Robin, he’ll be able to connect the dots so it’ll be better if you just tell him straight out that we don’t know for sure and won’t until we do the biopsy tomorrow.”

Robin set her charts and paperwork aside. “I’ll go track him down. Might as well get it over with.”


She found him in the hospital cafeteria, sipping a can of soda. He himself was going over paperwork and for a moment, she considered telling Tony that she’d changed her mind and foist this on him.

But she squared her shoulders and crossed to his table. “Do you have a minute?”

Patrick glanced up and tossed his pen aside. “Robin. I didn’t know you were still at the hospital.” He started to stand but she gestured for him stay seated and then took the seat across from him. “Listen, about Carly–”

“I don’t want to talk about that,” Robin said immediately. “Not tonight, not tomorrow or ever. This isn’t about her.” Her eyes softened. “It’s about Noah.”

Patrick tensed. “Did his tests come back? What’s wrong?”

Robin bit her lip. “Tony’s scheduled a liver biopsy tomorrow to confirm his diagnosis but he thinks it’s cirrhosis.” She clasped her hands in her lap. “And from Noah’s symptoms and the more extensive blood work results, it might be end-stage.”

Patrick’s eyes darkened. “End stage liver disease.” He shook his head. “It shouldn’t surprise me. He finally gets sober and he’ll probably die waiting for a transplant.” He bowed his head for a moment and Robin wished she could say something to comfort him but could neither find the words nor the courage.

“It’s not final–Tony could be wrong,” she found herself saying instead. “It could be a lot of things–”

“Don’t placate me, Robin.” Patrick raised his eyes to meet hers and the look in them had sharpened–had focused. “There’s been a lot of success with partial transplants–with a living donor.”

“Yes,” Robin said hesitantly. She set her hands on the table and leaned in slightly. “But you shouldn’t think about that until we know for sure. It could the beginning stages–you know that can be treated with medication, staying sober. It doesn’t ever have to progress– ”

“But that’s the best case scenario.” Patrick sat back. “How soon can I be tested, to know if I could be a match?”

“Any time, I guess but–”

“Then let’s do it.” Patrick stood and gathered his paperwork.

“Patrick–it’s more complicated than that. It’s complicated procedure and the evaluation to be considered is extensive.” Robin stood as well. “It would be better to wait. You’ll have the results tomorrow. There are also doctors that have be called in and Noah might not even be a candidate for living donor transplant–” Against her better judgment, she put her hand on his forearm. “It’s better to have all the answers first.”

“It’s so easy for you,” Patrick said, the words ripping out impatiently. “It’s not your father who might be dying is it?”

Her lips parted in surprise at the unexpected attack and she let her hand drop to her side. “No, it’s not.” She dropped her lashes quickly to hide the hurt. “Tony can put you in touch with the necessary doctors.”

“Wait…” Patrick caught her arm as she turned to leave. “I’m sorry–you didn’t deserve that.” He spread his hands regretfully and shrugged. “I’m sorry for a lot of things.”

Sensing the direction of the conversation, Robin bit her lip so hard, she drew blood. “I told you I didn’t want to talk about that–”

“I know that you and Carly have a history–”

“I said,” Robin spat contemptuously, “I don’t want to talk about that. Not with you, not with anyone. You made your decision and I don’t care anymore. We’re not dating, we’re not even friends so you don’t have to explain or apologize.” Without waiting for his reaction, she turned and headed towards the exit, consciously making herself slow down. She didn’t want him to think she was running from him.

She wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of thinking she gave damn.


Bobbie knocked lightly on Noah’s hospital door before pushing it open to see her ex stretched out across a hospital bed staring blankly at the wall. “I hope you don’t mind some company,” she murmured.

Noah turned his head towards her and managed a faint, if bitter, smile. “Not if it’s a beautiful redhead.” He fumbled for the bed remote and raised the head a little. “I feel a little stupid being in here–it was just a fall.”

Bobbie took a seat at the side of his bed. “Elizabeth mentioned it might be a bit more serious than that.” She reached for his hand. “I still think you of as a friend, Noah, no matter how things ended all those years ago.”

“Well, considering our history, that’s kind of you.” Noah hesitated. “It’s cirrhosis, or so they think. They’re doing the biopsy tomorrow to be sure.”

“Oh, Noah,” Bobbie murmured. “I’m so sorry. If there’s anything I can do…”

“Unless you’ve got an extra liver lying around…” Noah trailed off and shrugged. “I don’t want to talk about that. Let’s talk about you. What have you been doing all these years?”

Bobbie laughed, covering her worry as well as she could. “That would take too long so I should sum up. Your doctor is my ex-husband–one of them anyway.” She smiled ruefully. “I was married about four times in the last twenty years, none of which were successful naturally.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “And that’s not counting the times I’ve been engaged. But I have two wonderful children and that makes up for all the disappointments.”

“Never pictured you as the maternal type.” Noah sat up a little more. “Boy? Girl?”

“One of each. Lucas is eighteen and he just started and college and Carly…is a roller coaster.”

Noah frowned. “Carly? As in…Carly Corinthos? That’s your daughter?”

“You know her?” Bobbie asked, surprised. “Did you meet her when Jason was having his surgery?”

“Yeah and my son knows her too.” Noah grimaced. “Apparently, your daughter is throwing some kinks into his…current project.”

“Yeah,” Bobbie sighed, resigned. “That sounds like Carly.”


Elizabeth tugged on a sweater and folded her scrubs into a neat pile to put into her oversize bag so she could take them home and launder them. “You finally heading home?”

Robin nodded and pulled her jacket out of her locker. “I have to be back at seven for my shift so that gives me…” she glanced at her watch, “about eight hours of sleep for once.”

“I’m not due back in until noon so I’m going to get some quality time in with Cameron.” Elizabeth sighed and buttoned her black pea coat up. “Lucky has to work though, I feel like I never see him anymore.”

“Welcome to the wonderful world of medicine,” Robin muttered. “Liz…” she glanced at her friend. “You wouldn’t have had any words with Dr. Drake about Carly, would you?”

Elizabeth flushed, somewhat guilty. “Well–he asked for it. I only told him the truth–that she’s a natural disaster and has a long list of victims in her path and there might have been something about her being trash in nice clothing but I didn’t get into specifics–oh, except for the part about her driving AJ to his death and destroying a few lives, but really–no details.”

“Well, I’m glad you left out the play by play. You don’t have to trash Carly for me,” Robin reached for her purse.

“Oh, I know, but it’s so much fun,” Elizabeth smirked. “Did you tell him about Noah?”

“Yes, and it was spectacularly bad,” Robin muttered. “That’ll teach me to be the better person and try to be compassionate. He snapped at me and then he tried to apologize and explain the Carly thing–like I really need to be told that there’s no commitment and he’ll date all the trashy blondes he wants.” She huffed. “What is it about her?”

“What is it about blondes in general, I wonder?” Elizabeth leaned against her locker. “I’ve been tossed over by two different men for two different blondes in the span of six months. You begin to wonder–is it me or my taste in men?” She shrugged. “Look, he’s not worth the effort and she’ll be back to running Sonny’s life in a few weeks or so, there’s not much point in muttering over it.” Her eyes lit up. “Hey, Nikolas is just getting out of his relationship with Courtney–you guys used to be real close–”

“I do not have the energy for that right now,” Robin laughed. “And I think Nikolas has enough on his plate what with his ex-wife and his girlfriend. But I appreciate the thought. I am just…so over the whole men, dating and relationship phase of my life.”

“You know…when you decide you’re done with the whole idea of love and happily ever after,” Elizabeth remarked, “that’s usually when it bites you in the ass.”

This entry is part 2 of 8 in the North Star

But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn’t see how every sign pointed straight to you

— Bless the Broken Road, Rascal Flatts


Patrick shrugged off the strange conversations with Elizabeth and Robin and looked at his father. “So you fell.”

Noah cleared his throat and smiled at the intern who was finishing his sutures. “Yeah. I was in my room at the Metro Court and I blacked out.”

Patrick frowned, shoved his hands in his pockets. “But you weren’t drinking.”

“No, I told you that was all behind me.”

The intern finished Noah’s sutures and gave him some brief instructions before leaving the room. Noah reached for his coat but Patrick put his hand out to block it. “Why’d you black out if you weren’t drinking?”

“I don’t know.” Noah jerked a shoulder. “Low blood sugar, not eating. There are always reasons. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take a cab back to the hotel–”

“You’re not leaving here until we know what happened. So sit down.” Patrick waited until his father obeyed before going to speak to Noah’s doctor.


“You didn’t run anything more than a basic blood test,” Patrick all but snarled as he tossed the test in question at Robin.

She blinked and reached for it. “He fell. I didn’t even need to run that but I thought you’d–” Robin pressed her lips together. “I’m not required to run anything more than that. Noah said he fell, we stitched him up. I don’t know what you’re getting at.”

“He said he blacked out and as soon as you knew it wasn’t alcohol related, you should have–”

“Wait just one second–he never said anything like that to me.” She looked at Elizabeth who was studiously ignoring the both of them as she made some notations in a chart. “Did he tell you that?”

“No.” Elizabeth fiddled with the cap on her pen. “But if he did, he’s going to need to be admitted for tests.” Her eyes darted back and forth between the two doctors. “I’ll…just…get started on that.” She picked up Noah’s chart and all but fled from the nurse’s station.

“We’ll get him admitted and get some tests run.” Robin sighed and decided it was better to be a doctor than to be a woman scorned. “I’m sorry but he never said anything like that. When he said he fell, I just thought it might be related to…and I thought if I ran the blood test, at least you’d know for sure.”

Patrick rubbed the back of his neck. “Well. Thanks. ” He leaned forward. “What was that about earlier? You seemed…off.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Robin said innocently.

“Don’t be stupid, Scorpio. It doesn’t look good on you. I mean about the deep freeze.” He crossed his arms on the counter and leaned closer. “I thought we had a good time last night.”

“We did and we agreed that would be the end of it. You’d stop…this…” Robin gestured with hands. “This whatever and we’d get on with our lives. I’d go back to…whatever and you’d get on with your next conquest.”

“We didn’t agree on anything. You stated that before the evening got started and I was under the impression that we had a good time after that.”

“What exactly did you think would happen, Patrick?” Robin asked coolly. “You stop acting like an arrogant jerk for five minutes and…what? I’d fall into your arms?” She snorted.

Patrick frowned. “I’m not following you. I thought you’d at least be open to the suggestion of another date.”

Robin hesitated. But before she could even begin to think about it, the elevators doors beeped, slid open and Carly stepped out. “Patrick,” she smiled. “You left the restaurant so quickly that I thought I’d make sure nothing was wrong.”

And just like that, Robin remembered. She shook her head. “For once, Carly, you showed up just in time.”

Carly pursed her lips. “Don’t tell me you abandoned me for Princess over here.” She tossed her back and for a moment, Robin wanted to rip it out. “She’s not worth your time.”

“Carly, this isn’t a good time,” Patrick began.

“No, it’s perfect actually. Just perfect.” Robin picked up stack of charts. “I’ll get started on those tests and as for the other thing, you can go to hell.” She stalked away.

Carly shook her head. “I don’t know why you’re wasting your time with her.” She leaned in toward him and didn’t notice the way he slightly leaned away. “She can’t give you what I can.”

Patrick stepped back. “I think you’d better tell me exactly why you and Robin don’t get along.”


“I don’t know why we’re going to all this trouble,” Noah sighed as Elizabeth started to hook up some monitors. She reached for the IV kit. “Do I have to have one of those?”

“For a doctor, you’re really a bit whinier than I would have expected,” but Elizabeth was smiling as she said it. “At any rate, it was your son that convinced Robin that you need some further testing. If I were you, I’d take it as a good sign and go along with it.”

“Yeah, I guess it is a good sign but I don’t know why he’s bothering. We haven’t gotten along in years,” Noah sighed. He grimaced when Elizabeth slid the needle into his skin. “I hate these things.”

“I haven’t seen my parents in almost ten years,” Elizabeth murmured. “They show almost no interest in me or my son and didn’t even reply to the invitation to my wedding.” She met Noah’s eyes. “But I’d like to think that if anything happened to one of them, I’d step up to the plate. He’s reaching out to you, Dr. Drake, in the only way he knows how.”

“And getting some torture in while he’s at it,” Noah muttered as he held up his arm with the plastic tubing hanging off it. “So, tell me. What has my son done that’s got your back up?”

“He’s an idiot,” Elizabeth replied. She made some marks on his chart. “He finally got Robin to go out with him and then she sees him with Carly the next day. I’m just saying–it doesn’t show a lot of character on his part but maybe that’s okay with him. Maybe it really was all about the challenge. But if that’s true, he should have left her alone.” Elizabeth closed his chart. “Because she’s got enough to deal with without being tossed over for a blonde again. I know how she feels.”

“Again.” Noah leaned back against his pillow. “Robin’s got history with this Carly, then.”

“The same kind of history we have with the Indians,” Elizabeth said sourly. “Carly destroyed her life, Jason’s life, Michael’s life…and somehow managed to walk away with everything she ever wanted. And all Robin got was a kick in the ass as she left town. I can’t imagine why it would upset her that Patrick pursued her and then went after Carly.” She shook her head. “Dr. Jones is the attending on call. He’ll be in to talk about what tests you’ll need.”


Carly snorted. “Robin doesn’t like me because she’s knows I’m better than her.” She shrugged. “Jason chose me over the pasty princess and she decided to get back at the both of us by ruining our lives and my son’s life. She’s a vindictive bitter bitch who’ll get what’s coming to her one day–”

“Oh, giving Patrick your life story?” Elizabeth asked, stepping into the nurse’s station. “Noah’s set up and Tony Jones will be his primary doctor if you want to talk to him.”

“Oh, if it isn’t the other damsel in distress. It doesn’t surprise me that you back Robin up.” Carly stepped towards her old nemesis. “You’re both little weaklings that couldn’t survive in my life–”

“No, we’re just women who didn’t exactly appreciate the grip you have on Jason’s…” Elizabeth coughed delicately, “…life.” She looked at Patrick. “If you deal with Carly, then you deserve what you get.”

“I am out of here. There is just too many of you little angels running around. It’s making me nauseous.” Carly stormed towards the elevators and jammed at the buttons.

Patrick looked to Elizabeth. “So you’re another of Jason’s women, then?”

“And someone else that Carly drove out of his life.” Elizabeth’s smile was bitter. “Don’t believe a word she says because she always makes herself out to be better. She came to this town to destroy her mother and along the way, she drove AJ Quartermaine to his death, Tony Jones to a breakdown, destroyed Robin and Jason and nearly destroyed her son and that’s only some of the casualties Hurricane Carly has left behind. She’s nothing more than trash in classy clothing.” She jerked a shoulder. “Noah’s in Room 226.”