I can see you waitin’ down the hall from me
And I could see you up against the wall with me
And what would you do? Baby, if you only knew, oh
That I could see you throw your jacket on the floor
I could see you, make me want you even more
What would you do? Baby, if you only knew
That I can see you, oh, I can see you
– I Can You See You, Taylor Swift
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Morgan Penthouse: Living Room
Audrey emerged from the kitchen with a dish towel in her hands, Jake running in front of her. Jason dropped his keys on the desk, hesitating when the toddler stopped at the sight of him. It was the first time Jason had seen his son awake since the night before, and he knew, of course, that Jake wouldn’t really remember the brief conversation with his mother. It would take longer for Jake to see Jason as a father figure.
“Jason, hello. Jake and I were just finishing lunch.” Audrey flashed a hesitant smile. “Jake, remember what Mommy said this morning?”
“Mom say hi.” Jake furrowed his little brow at his father as Jason crouched on the ground to be eye level with his son. “She say more?”
“Jason is your father, my darling.” Audrey rustled Jake’s hair. The words were a bit stilted, and maybe uncomfortable, but she was trying her best and Jason appreciated it. “Mommy told you it’s okay to have more than one, remember?”
“Mom say Daddy.” Jake nodded as if this brought it all back, but it really wouldn’t. “You the daddy.” He pointed one little finger at Jason.
“Yes,” Jason said carefully, fighting the urge just to pull the little boy into his arms and never let go. It was very important that Jake make the decision to accept Jason as his father after more than a year of Lucky in his life, and he wondered — what had it been like for AJ when Michael had come to live with him?
It brought back another wave of shame for letting this lie stand for so long — for lying about Michael all those years ago — for putting anyone else through this. AJ might have made choices later in life that had put him on the path that led to the end of his life but at the time Jason had told the lie, it hadn’t been personal. It hadn’t felt personal, anyway.
But now Jason knew what it was like to stand on the other side, and even though he’d participated in the lie, he didn’t like the way it felt.
“Yes, I’m your dad, too,” Jason said, though it was hard to add that final word. “Did you have a good lunch?”
“Jelly.” Jake’s face scrunched up. “Carrots. Bad carrots.”
“Vegetables never hurt anyone, sweetheart,” Audrey said wryly. “You survived.”
Jake shrugged, then raced off to the corner where the toys were kept, and Jason got to his feet. He focused on Elizabeth’s grandmother. “Thank you. I know that’s not easy for you.”
“It’s made me think of my own son,” Audrey admitted, “and now I wonder if I handled it well when I was Elizabeth’s age.” At Jason’s confused look, she added, “My son Tom wasn’t Steve’s biological son. Steve adopted him after his father died, and well, his father wasn’t a particularly good man. I hoped Tommy would forget him. And he did.” Her expression was strained. “But I just called Steve Dad and corrected Tommy every time he was confused. Sometimes he cried. Was that the right way?”
“I don’t know that there is a right way,” Jason said, and she looked back at him, pensive. “You just do the best you can and hope it’s enough. Elizabeth always talks about her grandfather with a lot of happiness, and I remember him a little. I know he was a good man.”
“A wonderful man. A good father.” Audrey nodded. “Tommy did eventually accept Steve, and we never spoke about his biological father again.” She rubbed her arms. “Elizabeth and I spoke a little this morning, and she told me that she wants Jake to see you as his father. To accept it, but without making him feel guilty if he still thinks of Lucky that way for now. It will take time for that to fade.”
“That’s what I want, too. I was part of this decision, Mrs. Hardy. It seemed like the right choice at the time,” Jason added. “But I was wrong. I just want to make it okay. I want Elizabeth and her boys to be happy.”
“That’s what I want, so in that, we have a common interest.” Audrey hesitated. “Can I ask…do you know anything else about the hospital? Have you any answers?”
“A few,” Jason said. He gestured for her to take a seat on the sofa and followed her there. “Spinelli found some strange codes in the automated dispensary machine.”
“Ah. I never did like those machines,” Audrey said with a wrinkle of her nose. “I understood how it would make it easier to keep inventory, but I was very glad when I didn’t have to use them for long. I had just taken over the nursing program when we introduced it, and I left all that in Bobbie’s capable hands.” She paused. “But Elizabeth received the wrong medication three times?”
“Spinelli confirmed it, but we don’t know anything else just yet. I’m sorry, I wish I had better news.”
“Well, knowing that it’s not another one of our nurses,” Audrey murmured. “That news about Jolene — oh, that was terrible. I worked so hard to make the nursing program a shining asset to the hospital. We were ranked in the top ten in the state during my time, did you know that? And Bobbie was doing quite well for a long time until those awful budget cuts. But I’ve heard such terrible stories since…” Her sigh was wistful. “Well, since Alan passed.”
Jason looked down at his hands, thought of his father. The hospital, and the future Jason had thrown away, had stood between them for so long. “Elizabeth doesn’t have much good to say about the man who replaced him.”
“I don’t know him—he came from outside which was an extraordinary choice. That role had always been filled internally. Steve held that position for so very long, and he fretted over who might take over after him. Alan wasn’t always the natural choice, but then in those last few years, Steve changed his mind and saw him as the natural fit,” Audrey continued. “Steve was planning to retire, and we were going to travel.” Her smile was wistful. “But we never did get that chance. At any rate, Dr. Ford was brought in by the board from the outside. Sometimes that can be good, but often — well, I don’t know what happened here. Only that he was not popular or well-liked.” She glanced at her watch. “And she ought to be waking up from her nap about now. Maybe it’s time you told her what was going on.”
Mandalay Bay Resort: Hotel Room
Johnny knocked lightly on the bathroom door. “Nadine?”
“Go away.” Her voice was muffled, but he could still make out the words, so she was likely just on the other side of the door.
“Well, I would except we have a problem. There’s just that one bathroom, and, uh, you don’t have any clothes in there.”
There was a long pause, and Johnny could nearly picture her glaring at the door as his words sank in. The change of clothing she’d bought the night before was still in the bag, with the tags attached.
“You could just give me the bag.”
“I could. But then you’d get dressed, and we’d avoid talking about this.”
“I think that’s the point—”
“Nadine. It’s not like this is a one-night stand.”
Nadine cracked the door open so that only a sliver of her face was visible. “Do you think this is funny? Because it’s not.”
“I never said—” Johnny closed his mouth. “Look, if you have regrets, that’s fine. I’m an adult, I can handle it. But—”
“Regrets doesn’t begin to—” Nadine pulled the door all the way open, keeping one hand clutching at the top of the sheet. “This was really stupid.”
“You said that already.”
“And—and—I don’t even know why it happened—”
“Nadine, we don’t have to overthink this. We already talked about the cover story, right? So what if it’s a little bit true—”
Her eyes widened. “It’s not—”
A bit exasperated, Johnny huffed and rolled his eyes. “You’re gorgeous, right? Any guy would be lucky to get you into bed. Are you going to tell me you don’t find me attractive, too?” He lifted his brows, and her cheeks flushed cherry red. “Can I take that as a yes?”
“But—” Nadine swallowed. “This isn’t who I am, okay? I don’t just jump into bed with guys I don’t know. I didn’t even sleep with Nikolas, and we were…sort of dating until five minutes ago. And you—you! What about Lulu? You’re still technically dating her.”
Some of his amusement faded and he sighed, looking away. “Yeah, I get that. I just…Nikolas is in California. Did he tell you to wait for him?”
“No, but—” Nadine bit her lip, shrugged a shoulder. “No. He didn’t. And I know that he doesn’t plan to come back until Lu is better. He’s moving his mother out there, too. And Lucky obviously treated it like a permanent move. So maybe…I don’t know, I guess that’s all the answer I needed. And it’s not like he had to run that decision past me or anything. That’s not how things were, but…” She shuffled past him, keeping her eyes trained down. “That’s more pathetic, don’t you think? I’m sitting here feeling guilty about sleeping with someone else, and he didn’t even factor me into his decision to move across the country.”
“He’s an idiot—”
“Johnny—” Nadine sank onto the bed, her blue eyes pained. “This isn’t who I am. Or who I want to be. I agreed to come here, to do this insane thing because I was afraid the PCPD would push you into another trial, and maybe this time they wouldn’t believe me. And there’s no one else to save you. But I didn’t—”
“Look, what happened here this morning isn’t the end of the world.” Johnny sat next to her, their shoulders brushing. “We’re attracted to each other. And I like you. Yeah, okay, it’s complicated. And I’m…” He paused. “I’m not sure what to do about Lulu. I love her. I don’t want to lie to you about that.”
“I understand that, and it doesn’t hurt me to hear it.” Nadine managed a smile. “I’d think less of you if you didn’t after less than a week. I’m sure it’s been hard since she started having problems. And the prospect of her not recovering…I really am sorry about that.”
“I know.” Johnny exhaled, looked ahead at the closed bathroom door. “But maybe this is still how it’s supposed to be. Even if she recovers, what does that look like? My life, my family…it’s too much to ask anyone to take on. And just being close to something traumatic sent her over the edge.”
“You can’t predict the future, Johnny, not when it comes to someone’s mental health.”
“No. But I do know that my future has to include you. Even without what happened this morning,” he added when she dropped her eyes back to her lap. She shifted her grip on the sheet. “It’s not like we can wait a few weeks and get divorced. We have to make this look good enough that they can’t challenge the privilege.”
“I knew that when I said yes.” Nadine nodded. “So, yeah, we have to do this part. But—”
“But through no fault of our own, we’re both single. And we’re, forgive me, stuck together.” Johnny caught her hand as she started to stand, and their eyes met. “Why not make the best of it?”
“The best of it?” she echoed. “You mean…”
“Yeah. I mean.” He kissed the inside of her palm, then drew Nadine against him, brushing his mouth against hers. Her lips remained still for a moment, but then softened and parted beneath his mouth. When Nadine didn’t resist or push him away, he gently lowered her back against the pillows, reaching for the edge of the sheet she’d wrapped around herself like a shield.
“But—” Her eyes searched his. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“It’s probably not,” Johnny agreed, but feathered a kiss against the pulse point on her collarbone. “Do you want me to stop?”
Her eyes fluttered closed. “No. Damn it.” Nadine speared her fingers in his hair and drew his mouth back to hers. “I’m such an idiot.”
Morgan Penthouse: Master Bedroom
Elizabeth was awake — and she’d shuffled over to the armchair by the window, her expression guilty when Jason walked into the bedroom. “Don’t say it.”
Jason closed the door behind him. “What did you always tell me when I was hurt?”
“Oh, that’s not fair,” she grumbled, wincing and leaning back, slouching down in the chair so that her torso could lay somewhat flat. “I wanted to get out of bed.”
Jason wanted to argue with her, but he was just so relieved to see her looking more like herself. She’d washed her hair, and her face, though pale and strained, didn’t look quite so blank. He’d spent too many hours sitting next to her bed, watching her sleep and hoping she’d wake up to argue with him.
“You know, I need to check the menu,” Jason said, leaning down to lift her into his arms. She looped an arm around his neck, holding on. “See if there’s any cream of broccoli left.”
“You complain, but you got better, didn’t you?” she muttered, and he managed a smile. He laid her back into the bed, pulling the comforter away so it didn’t get stuck beneath her body. “Soup is good for you.”
“I’ll remind your grandmother.” He sat down on the edge of the bed. “No more IV?”
“Gram said I’m okay. I don’t need any more fluids or pain meds pushed that way. She switched me to oral meds.” Elizabeth considered him as she relaxed back into the pillow. “Are you ready to tell me why you checked me out of the hospital after major surgery?”
“Yeah. Yeah, okay.” Jason dragged a hand down his face. Had it really been just yesterday? “You had a bruised kidney after the accident, but Leo Julian said it would heal on its own. Instead, it started bleeding, and you went into shock.”
Her brows pinched together. “Leo’s a good surgeon. That’s not a mistake I’d expect him to make.”
“He didn’t. He went back over your surgery video, and the kidney was just bruised. They pulled your chart and ran the blood.” Jason traced the edge of her sleep shirt. “Patrick prescribed you fentanyl. Instead, you were given three doses of warfarin.”
“War—” Elizabeth stared at him. “Three doses? How is that possible? We had systems to stop that—”
“Patrick was pretty sure from the start that it was deliberate somehow.” Jason said with a shake of his head. “And Spinelli confirmed that what happened to you isn’t like the other problems you’ve been having at the hospital.” He lifted his brows. “What’s going on with that?”
“The hospital—well, it hasn’t really been great the last year or so. Since Dr. Ford took over as chief of staff. We also got a new hospital president and some new members of the board.”
“I didn’t know that.”
“Well, it’s not something I’d bring up without a reason. You hate talking about the hospital,” Elizabeth reminded him, and he nodded. “It started to trickle down a little bit — you couldn’t get meetings with supervisors. Written up for silly infractions. The ICU med dispensary kept giving wrong dosages — we reported it a thousand times, but the hospital kept saying there was no money for new equipment. The problem, they said, was our training,” Elizabeth muttered. “We just implemented new safety protocols, but we never know if we’ve accounted for every problem.” She sighed. “It’s really been a mess, and I’m sorry Patrick has to take it on. I know he’s had push back from the higher ups.”
“That doesn’t seem right,” Jason muttered.
“It’s been awful since the new administration came in. Cutting the nursing program was such a body blow to morale. Where would I be without it?” she murmured. “My grandmother built it with love and sweat and tears. It was there when I needed to change my life, to provide for my boys. For Bobbie, when she needed a fresh start. It was the heart and soul—” her eyes filled. “It’s not right. None of it is.”
“I’m sorry.” Jason stroked her hair back from her forehead. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s—” She accepted the tissue he handed her. “It’s just a lot, you know. And now apparently, it’s getting worse. For patients to be getting the wrong medication—” She paused, looked at him, her eyes sharper now. “Wait. You said it was deliberate.”
“Your medication problems were,” Jason said. “That much we know for sure. Spinelli said the program can be hacked. He’s going to look into how to fix it, I hope.” Jason would make sure of it, even if he had to donate the money himself. “But I just—I didn’t trust the hospital after that.”
“Oh. That makes sense, I guess. You’ll tell me what Spinelli finds out?”
“Yeah,” he assured her. “Whatever he finds out. But for now, you should get some rest—”
Elizabeth caught his hand as he started to rise. “Jason. Don’t…can’t you stay a little longer?”
“I—” Jason nodded. “Yeah, I can.” He sat back down. “But you should sleep. You’re still tired—”
“Tired of laying in this bed, not able to do anything. Is there any change with Sonny?”
His hand slid away from hers, and he shook his head. “No. No, but I should call Carly. Make sure she has what she needs, that Morgan does—”
If Elizabeth was going to argue with him or ask him to stay again, Jason didn’t know. He was out the door almost before she could say a word.
Mandalay Bay Resort: Hotel Room
Johnny sifted through his wallet, contemplating what he wanted to leave the maid for one night. Across the room, Nadine was carefully folding her few clothes back into the plastic bag they’d decided to share on their flight back.
After he’d pulled her back into bed that second time, he knew he’d be pushing his luck if they didn’t start making plans for leaving the hotel room. Maybe it was tempting to just stay locked up in the room with its wide, comfortable bed and room service, but Johnny knew that Nadine wasn’t going to be seduced twice. Well, three times, he thought, smirking—
His smirk faded when, instead of pulling out a fifty, he pulled out a photograph of Lulu taken sometime last year. Her bright smile, sparkling blue eyes stared back at him, and the guilt he’d been forcing down earlier crawled up his throat. He’d meant what he said to Nadine. Lulu was in California, gone from his life with little chance of coming back. And even if she did — he’d married another woman. Even before they’d slept together, Johnny had to look out for Nadine now, to keep her safe while she protected him from the PCPD.
Nadine might feel her own guilt for jumping into bed after breaking off what little she’d shared with Nikolas, but Johnny’s guilt was different — he and Lulu had been in a committed relationship, even as Logan had lingered in that coma. They’d fallen in love, and Johnny hadn’t planned on any future that didn’t include her.
But it couldn’t now, and he didn’t know what he felt about any of it. What would Lulu think about what he’d done in these last twenty-four hours?
“Johnny?”
He jerked his head up to find Nadine looking at him. Johnny shoved the photo back in his pocket and removed the fifty. “Yeah, I was just trying to decide whether to leave a fifty or a hundred. I know how crappy these places can pay.”
“Oh, okay. Um, we should get to the airport.”
“Yeah. Yeah. Just—” Johnny shoved his wallet back into his pocket, swallowing the complicated swirl of guilt and turned his attention back on to the present. “Let me call my sister first. I think it’s time to go back on the grid, you know? And maybe warn her about what’s going to happen next.”
