Now that we’re here
Now that we’ve come this far
Just hold on
There is nothing to fear
For I am right beside you
For all my life
I am yours
– What About Now?, Daughtry

---

 Wednesday, November 5, 2008

 Hardy House: Living Room

Her ex-grandson-in-law rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess you’re still mad about the way I left.”

“Still—” Audrey had to take a deep breath and a step back, the rage rose so quickly in her throat. “Oh, the absolute nerve, the audacity—”

 “Still mad,” Lucky said with a nod. “Listen, Audrey—”

The absolute nerve of this worthless man! “That will be Mrs. Hardy to you and for the rest of your days. You lost the right to speak to me with any familiarity the second you walked out on those boys, on Cameron who spent two weeks asking for his father.”

Lucky exhaled, looked away. “I was overwhelmed. Everything that happened with my sister, Audrey, and I doubt Jason told you, but he announced—”

“That he was Jake’s father to the entire emergency room?” Audrey finished, and Lucky furrowed his brow. “You think you’ll waltz in here after all this time and I’ll simply take your side? You think that my granddaughter and I haven’t had several long conversations filling in the gaps? Or perhaps you thought Jason wouldn’t tell Elizabeth or anyone else what you were planning to do that night.”

Lucky opened his mouth, then closed it. “I—”

“Overwhelmed? Overwhelmed? I have never been so insulted in all my life. Did you honestly think that you could waltz back into this house, into those boys’ lives as if everything you did could be waved away because your sister was ill? I am sorry for what has happened to Lesley Lu. It is a tragic and terrible situation for everyone who loves her, but Elizabeth was in the hospital. She nearly died a few days later after some complications—”

“I know—”

“You know? You know that Elizabeth had to have emergency surgery? Oh, I imagine your girlfriend was in contact with her family. Did Alexis tell Sam? Does she know what the woman did to Jake? To both those boys?”

“Audrey—Mrs. Hardy,” Lucky corrected when Audrey’s nostrils flared, and she started to close the door. “If you would just let me speak—”

“You want to speak to me now? Now? When I begged you that morning to stay, to talk about what was going on and you could barely take a moment to look me in the eyes. But now you want to speak—” Audrey raised her hand in the air, then fisted it. “Well, that is too little too late. My granddaughter has recovered her health, with no thanks or help from you. You chose to abandon those precious children who adore you when they needed you the most. They needed you, Lucky, and you were not there. I needed you. I have always championed you, Lucky. I have always encouraged Elizabeth to stay with you, to give you another chance. After the drugs, after Maxie, after she forgave you all that, you had another affair—”

“She lied to me,” Lucky said tightly. “You’re leaving that out—”

“And if you had left her because of that, I would have no argument with you. You chose to stay, Lucky. And then had your affair with that woman. And continued to see her even after you knew what she’d done to Jake. To the boys in the park.”

“I see Elizabeth gave you the Cliff’s Notes—is there any point to asking you to hear me out, or are you just going to tell me how horrible I am?” Lucky retorted. “Great, Audrey, now you know all the dirty details. I made a mistake, okay? I was overwhelmed, and upset, and I ran. I’m not proud of it, but all I can do is try to fix things. And if you could just listen to me—”

“If it is the last thing I do, Lucky Spencer, it will be to prevent you from breathing the same air as my great-grandchildren. They are happy and secure with their mother. Jake adores his father. I have to thank you for leaving and giving Jason ample time to bond with his son,” Audrey said, her tone dripping with sugary sweetness. Lucky scowled. “And for making sure that I saw you for who you really are before you went. It will be a cold day in hell before I ever plead your case again. Get off my property or I’ll have you arrested for trespassing.”

General Hospital: Labor & Delivery

 Robin’s head fell back against the pillow, flushed and damp. Her hand reached up, gripped his tie, yanked him down. “You did this to me,” she spat. “You.”

Patrick winced. “I know, and I’m sorry—”

“Robin, don’t murder the poor man.” Anna deftly untangled Robin’s fingers and Patrick was able to raise his head. He rubbed his throat. “The epidural isn’t helping?”

“I think it’s broken. I think you need to get another one—” Robin arched up, another contraction wracking her body. “Oh, God. Here it comes—”

“Aren’t they close enough for you to…” Patrick waved his hand at Kelly, hovering by Robin’s legs, lifted up by the stirrups. “Do something?”

“Did you pay attention at all when you did your obstetrics rotation in med school?” the doctor demanded. She planted her fists at her hips, rolled her eyes, then looked to Robin. “Honey, you’re dilated to about an eight. I know it hurts, I know it feels like the drugs aren’t working, but it would be so much worse without them—”

“No, no—” Her head lolled to one side, and she looked up at him, her pretty brown eyes shadowed with the pain. “Patrick. Please. Something isn’t right.”

“Hey. Hey.” He gripped her hand, bent down. “Kelly’s the best, remember? You think she’s going to let anything happen to you or this baby?”

“It hurts. I changed my mind. I don’t want to have a baby. Can we go home?”

He swept her sweaty hair back, forced a smile. “I don’t think we get a refund on this one, babe. We have to see it through to the end. I wish it were me.”

“So—do—I—” Robin grunted. “Kelly—”

“Everything is progressing just the way it’s supposed to.”  Kelly flashed her an encouraging smile. “We’re almost ready to push, Robin. It won’t be long now.”

Coffee House: Office

Max knocked, then pushed open the door. “Hey, Jase. Elizabeth asked if you had a minute—”

“Always.” Jason was out of his seat and away from the desk even before Elizabeth had crossed the threshold with Jake in her arms. He cupped the back of her head, kissed her as Max pulled the door closed. “Hey,” he murmured against her mouth, feeling the curve of her lips.

“Hey.”

Jake reached for Jason, and he stepped back to take his son in his arms. Rubbing the toddler’s back, he focused on Elizabeth. “I wasn’t expecting you, was I?”

“No. No.” She set her purse on the table, dropped Jake’s bag on the floor. “Gram called, and I just—I needed to see you. I need to figure out what we’re going to do—”

“What happened?” Jason went to the other side of the office, picking up Jake’s bag as he passed it. Then he set him down on a blanket, pulling out a dump truck and a few other toys for him to play with.

“Lucky showed up at her house today.”

Jason stilled, his hand on the dump truck. He exhaled slowly. “Did he?”

“Gram was so upset on the phone she could barely speak. She’s still so angry about how everything happened, how he left that morning. And for taking his side all the time.”

Jason got to his feet, some of the tightness in his chest easing at the realization Audrey hadn’t fallen back on old habits. “She did what she thought was best. I don’t want her upset by any of this. Especially not by him.”

“That’s what I told her. She’s just so—” Elizabeth hesitated. “Lucky said he was overwhelmed that morning, and he wants to deal with things now.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “Can you believe that? After all these weeks with no word, and he thinks he can just come back?”

“Does that surprise you?” Jason asked. He leaned back against the desk. “Do you—I mean, with Cameron, I know he still asks for Lucky—”

“Not as much as he did.” Elizabeth folded one arm across her middle, nibbled at the thumbnail on her other hand. “He thinks he can pick and choose when to be a father, and I was willing to put up with that. It makes me sick that I ever thought he was good enough for Jake, much less Cameron. I want you to know that’s not an option,” she told Jason, and the rest of the tightness faded. He could breathe again. “Jake knows you, he loves you. That’s off the table and it’s never coming back. It’s just Cameron—”

“It’s different. He’s older,” Jason said. He reached for her hand, drew it away from her mouth. “I told you we’d handle that however you wanted. Cameron knows I love him, and that’s enough for me.”

“It’s not enough for me. Jake—that’s a mistake I made. A terrible awful lie that I didn’t know how to unwind, and I made so many bad choices, and I hurt all of us. But it’s over now, and Lucky doesn’t get to come back after a month of silence and have a say in anything that happens to Jake. That was a risk he took, you know? But Cameron—that was supposed to be different. He promised me, he swore to me that he loved my little boy. That he didn’t care that he wasn’t Cam’s father by blood. And Cameron has loved him every day he can remember.”  She tipped her head back, trying to fight the tears. “I thought I’d put this away, I thought I was done with this.”

“You trusted him with your son, Elizabeth, and he walked away.”

“I keep thinking of Cameron standing on my grandmother’s steps, watching Lucky leave, and you know, he’s too young to really understand words, but he knew Lucky was leaving. And he knows he never came back. I don’t want him to think that’s what fathers do. That he has to earn his father’s love—I spent my whole life, Jason, not being good enough for my parents—”

He drew her close to him, kissed her gently, just a brush of his lips against her trembling mouth. He kept her close, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb. He didn’t reassure her that she was good enough — she knew it. But Lucky had brought it all back, and Jason would have dropped him in the lake for just putting that look in her eyes again.

“We don’t have to have all the answers today. Cameron knows that you love him, and that you’ll always be there for him.”

She curled her hands around his wrists. “I don’t want Lucky in his life. I don’t want Cam to have another moment like that. And he won’t. Not with you. I want my little boy to have you. I want him to feel loved with every breath he takes. So if Lucky tries for custody, I want you to do whatever you have to, and make it go away.”

“I know a few people,” Jason said. He kissed her forehead. “Don’t worry. If he’s stupid enough to try for visitation, he’ll regret it. You’re not unconscious in a hospital bed this time.”

“No, this time, he won’t get away without hearing exactly what I think.” She smiled, and though her lashes were still damp, the sadness had left her eyes. “Maybe if you had time, we could get Cam together today. Do something. Just the four of us.” She bit her lip. “But if you’re busy—”

“Nothing that can’t wait.”

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

He was coming out of his skin, pacing the apartment, thinking about the awful visit from his sister.

Who the hell could Claudia have pissed off so much that she was absolutely terrified? He’d seen his sister worried, unsettled, or unhappy, but scared?

He didn’t know the word was even in her vocabulary.

Johnny crossed from the living room door to the window overlooking the street, his mind racing.

Don’t ask, don’t tell. It was the only way Johnny had been able to breathe these last few months, but he didn’t think Nadine would care that he didn’t technically know how Michael Corinthos had ended up with a bullet in his head, or that he hadn’t known then.

Her heart was too generous, her soul too clean for her to look past the stain on his own. He dragged a hand down his face. And what if Claudia was wrong? Whoever had threatened her had done so today after their lunch.

Which meant they were in Port Charles.

“Where’s your wife right now? Are you sure she’s okay? Because you’d better get used to feeling that way. You won’t know a second of peace if you’re not with her.”

Johnny headed for the door, yanking his coat off the hook on his way out.

He had the sudden urge to see his wife.

General Hospital: Labor & Delivery

The pain had been so constant, so steady, that Robin almost grew used to it, riding the waves of sheer agony mixed with dull throbbing as the contractions ebbed and flowed over the last few hours.

But then it had happened so fast—bearing down, Kelly telling her to keep pushing, to keep going, to just push a little harder—

There was the shoulder! It was all downhill from here—just push—

A harsh, high-pitched cry broke out and Robin could see a baby being lifted up—her baby—her little, red-bodied furious child protesting the loss of a warm, comfortable world—

Kelly laid the baby on Robin’s chest, and Robin was crying—couldn’t feel it, didn’t know it, but the tears dripped down, and she looked at Patrick, his cheeks wet, his hand coming down to cup the back of their child’s head with her shock of dark hair—

“It’s a girl!” Kelly crowed. “Here, Patrick, come cut—”

A girl. Robin was dimly aware that Patrick had stepped away, taking the surgical shears from their friend and was cutting the cord that linked Robin to their daughter, keeping her fed and nourished all this time, keeping her safe and healthy—

“Oh, my darling, my love—” Anna leaned down, kissed Robin’s forehead. “She’s here.” Her mother’s voice was hoarse, the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

“She’s here,” Robin breathed. She smiled, even as the tears continued to flow. A dream she’d never really hoped for, the future she’d never expected — and now it was here, and Robin was holding her— “Patrick, she’s here.”

“Yeah, she is. And she’s perfect.” Patrick kissed their daughter, then Robin, pressing their foreheads together. “You both are.”

But the little family time had to be disturbed. Nadine and another labor nurse whisked the baby away to clean up and be given the first anti-retroviral therapy medication to prevent any perinatal transmission of HIV, a regimen that would last at least a month. They wouldn’t be able to test her until later, until her system was clear of any connection to Robin.

Nadine took in this explanation from the experienced nurse, who must have seen the expression on the younger nurse’s face. “Oh, Dr. Scorpio’s anti-viral load isn’t detectable. The chances of transmission were less than one percent. But we still follow the protocol.” She patted Nadine’s hand, then returned the bundle to her parents. Robin had been cleaned up, her face beaming as her daughter was placed in her arms again.

There was nothing else for Nadine to do, and she wanted them to have their time, to have the quiet so she backed out of the room and left the labor and delivery ward, pressing the button to exit the secure wing.

She turned to go down the hall, to head for the break room but saw Johnny pacing back and forth in front of the elevator.

“Johnny? What are you doing here?”

Johnny stopped, his eyes snapping to hers. “Hey. Hey. They said you were in a delivery. I wanted to wait for you.”

Nadine tugged the surgical cap from her hair, her smile still confused. “Yeah, but I’m not done my shift yet. Not for hours.”

“I know. I, just—” He grimaced, shoved his hands into the pockets of his dark, suede jacket. “Do you—I mean, do you have a minute? Can we talk?”

“Sure.” She tossed a look at the nurse behind the counter, then took his arm. “Let’s go up to the roof. I don’t really feel like being on display.”

“Yeah, good. I don’t want anyone to hear us.”

Oh, that didn’t sound good at all.

 Shadybrooke: Laura’s Room

 “We just have to finish packing this last dresser,” Nikolas told Lucky, frowning when his brother remained at the window unresponsive, not unlike their mother. “Lucky?”

“Hm?” Lucky looked at him, nodded. “Yeah. Right. Good.”

Nikolas closed the suitcase, glanced over at his mother, sitting in her chair, her eyes fixed on a point somewhere in the distance. Still empty. Just like their sister. “I’m guessing Audrey Hardy wasn’t happy to see you.”

“No.” Lucky dragged a hand down his face. “No, she was not. She wouldn’t let me explain. Wouldn’t even let me say more than a few words. Jason’s got to her.”

“Jason?” Nikolas repeated. “What does that mean?’

“They were all at his place while Elizabeth recovered. I knew—I knew Alexis told us that, but I don’t think I thought about what that meant.” Lucky went over to the bed, sat on the edge. “She’s on Jason’s side. Completely. And Elizabeth told her all the parts she’d left out before. About Sam and Maxie.”

“Ah. Well, you had to know that was a possibility. Or did you think that the world stood still while we were gone?” Nikolas asked.

“You just—you take things for granted, you know? I’m the good guy. The right choice. The safe one. Audrey always—she always took my part. And she’s always just…been there. When I left, she was upset, I just thought I’d explain how things sort of got out of control with Lulu and what happened in the emergency room, and she’d—”

“I warned you.” Nikolas closed the dresser door he’d been clearing a bit too hard, and the sound echoed in the room. Lucky flinched. “I told you we’d stay and we’d fight. I’d find you a lawyer, and you wanted to go.”

“Who’s side are you on?”

“No one’s. My own. I don’t know. There are no sides, Lucky. There’s what happened and how we deal with it. Our sister is locked in the same place as our mother, with almost no hope of recovery,” Nikolas retorted, and Lucky sighed, rubbed his forehead. “And yeah, it all went to hell in twenty-four hours. But you were never supposed to leave that day. That wasn’t the plan. You chose to leave with Elizabeth in a hospital bed. You chose to dump Jake and Cameron’s things at Audrey’s feet with no discussion, no goodbyes, and you chose to hop on a plane weeks before you were supposed to. No one asked you to quit your job that night. No one asked you to burn the bridges as you left. That was you. And now you’re standing in a room whining about your choices while I look at a woman who will never wake up. What do you expect me to say, Lucky? Congratulations. You gambled and you lost.”

“I—” Lucky stared at him, shaken. “You said to come back, that I should talk to Elizabeth, figure it out—”

“And you should do that. You should talk to Elizabeth. If she even wants to see you—” Nikolas took a deep breath. “We both left her, Lucky. She was bruised and unconscious in a hospital bed. In the ICU. And we walked out. Did we have to go that soon? Could it have waited? I don’t know. But we did what we did, and now we’re coming back like there aren’t consequences—”

“We?” Lucky echoed. He got to his feet. “What happened when you went out today? Did you go to Nadine? It’s what we thought, isn’t it? Some witness bullshit like Sonny and Carly always pulled.”

“I—” Nikolas looked away, caught sight of himself in the mirror. “I saw Maxie first. She told me that you wouldn’t find any friends on the custody front, but then she told me Johnny and Nadine are living together. That they seem….friendly.”

“Friendly?”

“She thinks something is going on. Something else. Nadine got arrested for contempt at his trial, didn’t she?”

“Oh, come on—” Lucky shook his head. “No way. No way. Nadine would defend a serial killer if she thought she was doing the right thing. You know that. Look at the trouble she was getting herself into. And Johnny—he was all about Lulu. You know that. We hated it, but we knew that.” He stopped. “And you left her, Nikolas. You’re the one that burned that bridge, not her.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that’s something she said—well, shouted,” Nikolas muttered. He rubbed his chest. “Christ. We made a mess of everything, didn’t we?” He sat on the bed, and Lucky sat next to him.

“Yeah, I guess.” Lucky looked at their mother. “Well, at least Dad’s not around to make things even worse.”

General Hospital: Roof

 Now that he’d dragged Nadine up to the roof where the lights of downtown Port Charles lit up around them, the wind roaring around the sides of the building—Johnny felt like an idiot. He’d rushed over to the hospital just to see her, to make sure she was okay — and now what? Was he planning to tell her about the ambiguous threats made by Claudia? How did he begin to tell Nadine what had happened without revealing the horrible thing his sister might have but almost definitely done?

“Johnny?”

“What?” He looked at her. “Sorry. I wasn’t thinking about how cold it’d be up here right now.”

“It’s fine. I’m used to it, but you’re sort of freaking me out. Did you have a run-in with Nikolas, too?”

“Nikolas?” Johnny echoed. He turned, his back to the city skyline, brow creased. “Wait, he’s back?”

“Yeah, and he knew about us. I mean, that we got married. Wasn’t really that happy about it. Apparently I’m a terrible person for what I’ve done to his sister.” She shook her head, looked away. “They never judge the man, do they? It’s always the woman.”

“No, they don’t,” Johnny said, thinking of all the abuse she’d taken since their marriage, and all the problems he could still bring to her. He rubbed his brow. “Did he say why he was back?”

“His mother, I think. It’s not—I mean, he said there was no change—for Lulu. That she’s the same as when they left.”

The air whooshed out of him all at once because he hadn’t considered, even let himself imagine that after all this time, there’d be no change at all. That Lulu, bright beautiful vibrant Lulu, would still be locked inside her own mind. He’d tried not to let himself think about Lulu at all, but now, to know— “Nothing at all? Not even a little?”

“No.” She was quiet for a beat. “I’m sorry. I know that’s the last thing you wanted to hear.”

Johnny sank onto the ledge of the hospital roof, staring at nothing. “Nothing at all,” he murmured. He’d tried hard not to think about Lulu these last few weeks. It didn’t seem fair to anyone involved, most of all Nadine who hadn’t done anything except be his friend. But now he realized somewhere in the back of his mind, he’d expected the news to be better. He’d almost wanted to fight with Lulu when she came home.

Because of course she’d come home. How could there be any other alternative?

“I didn’t get more details than that. I could ask Spinelli if he’s heard more—”

“No, it’s—it’s okay. Um—” He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand, forced himself back into the moment. “It’s better this way. That I don’t know. I don’t have a right to know anymore.”

“Johnny.” Nadine sat next to him, her eyes kind. “Hey. I know we had that stupid fight, but that doesn’t mean I’m going back on what I said at the beginning. I know you love Lulu. I know this hurts.”

“I—” He grimaced, shook his head. “You shouldn’t have to know that. You probably think I’m a real asshole. The way things have been the last few weeks, me acting like she didn’t exist—”

“Do you think that I believed that? Johnny. Come on. We’re friends, aren’t we? I’d like to think we’ve managed that much. After everything we’ve been though, I hope you know you can be honest with me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Johnny said. He looked at her. “I never want to hurt you. You know that, don’t you?”

“I do,” she said, and he relaxed a little. “I know we don’t have all the answers. We’re taking this one step at a time, right? We had that fight, and well—” She wrinkled her nose. “We didn’t really resolve anything, I guess.”

No. He’d changed the subject, and they’d ended up in bed. “I guess not.”

“And I’m not trying to pick up the conversation where we left off, not really. I just want you to know you don’t have to hide how you feel about Lulu from me. You’ll probably always love Lulu just a little bit. Even if she never comes back from this—which I refuse to accept by the way—The way it ended—so abruptly—how could you feel any other way? What did you say in Vegas? You were right.  We’re not hurting anyone. Not really. No one whose opinions matter to us, right? We’re young, we like each other. And maybe we were a little bit lonely.”

“You don’t think you deserve better than that?”

“I think,” Nadine said carefully, “that I make my own choices, and if I had wanted things to be different, they would be. You didn’t seduce me, Johnny. You tempted me. There was a difference. And we both know you did that because you wanted to distract yourself from everything else.” Her smile was a bit crooked. “Right now, it’s working for us. When that stops, we’ll deal with it.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He blew out his breath.

“If you didn’t know about Nikolas, what brought you here?”

“Oh.” He frowned. “I, uh, I guess I just wanted to see you.” When she just looked at him, he shrugged but looked away. “I’m still getting used to these long shifts. I need to figure out something to do when you’re not at home.”

Home. It didn’t feel strange to hear him describe her—their—tiny apartment that way. She smiled. “We’ll talk about when I go off rotation this weekend.” Nadine slid off the ledge, then kissed his cheek. “I better get back to work. I’ll see you at home.”

Has someone taken your faith?
It’s real, the pain you feel
Your trust, you must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best
The best of you?
– Best of You, Foo Fighters

---

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

 Crimson Pointe: Terrace

Claudia paced from one end of the terrace to the other, her black stilettos clicking against the paving stones beneath her feet. She’d managed to keep her father happy with the news Johnny planned to call and make plans soon—

But the conversation with Jerry Jacks still echoed in her head, and no matter how she twisted, Claudia just couldn’t see a way out of this. Not one that kept her relationship with her brother intact. He needed to get into Jason’s circle of trust.

The door behind her opened, and Claudia turned. Ric stepped out, a jacket in one hand, and a wine glass in the other. He handed her the wine, then dropped the jacket on her shoulders. “It’s too cold to be out here in that dress,” he told her, stepping back. “And you look like you need a drink.”

“I need the bottle,” she muttered. She swirled the dark red liquid, then tilted the glass back, drinking half the contents in one desperate gulp. “And don’t look at me that way.”

“What way?” He tipped his head, his eyes soft. But she wasn’t going to fall for that. Nope.

“Like you’re not waiting for the first chance to throw me under the bus so you can look good in front of my father. I know you, Ric,” Claudia bit out. “You and me, we’re the same. Look out for number one. No one else matters.”

“And that’s why we get along so well. How do you know I can’t help you and keep things good with Anthony? I’ve got a lot of experience playing both sides.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet.” Her fingers tightened around the stem of the glass. “Even if I needed help—which I don’t—I wouldn’t ask a lawyer, that’s for damn sure. I just—” Claudia hesitated. “I made a mistake, and I can fix it. I can do that, I’m a big girl.”

“Are you telling me or yourself?”

“Ah, to hell with this.” She shoved the wine and jacket at him, then stalked inside.

General Hospital: Robin’s Room

“I want to count her fingers again,” Robin said to Patrick, her voice still a bit hoarse. “I know there were ten the last time—”

“And the time before,” he added, but was smiling. “But go ahead. Let’s see if she lost a finger or two since then.”

“You’re making fun of me,” Robin accused, shifting their daughter in her arms, wincing as she moved the bottom half of her body. “Oh, man. That’s going to hurt forever.”

“Well, it’s not like labor is easy. I still have claw marks on my arm—”

“Very funny.” Robin held out the bundle, and Patrick accepted, still marveling at how light the baby felt. Nothing more than a bundle of feathers, he thought. Robin laid her head back against the pillow, closing her eyes. Her eyes fluttered again, and found his. “We have a baby. She’s here.”

Months of terror had led to this scrap of human in his arms. Patrick gazed down at the miniature face, her tiny fists covered with white mittens to protect her skin.

“Hey.” A soft knock drew his attention and he looked over to find Elizabeth stepping inside the room. “I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”

Robin’s eyes opened again, and she grinned. “Elizabeth. I made a baby.”

“Yeah, you did,” Elizabeth said, returning the broad smile. “Let me see!”

Reluctantly, Patrick placed her in Elizabeth’s arms. “Careful, she’s—” He winced when Elizabeth just arched a brow. “Right. Forgot who I was talking to.”

“That’s okay. You’re a first time daddy, you’re allowed to be overprotective. Oh, look at her little mouth and that nose! She looks just like you, Robin,” Elizabeth said. “What’s her name?”

“Emma.” Robin reached for Patrick’s hand. “Emma Grace. We wanted something for Emily, but not quite Emily, you know? In case Jason—well, I guess in case you and Jason want to do something one day.”

“Oh, wow, I don’t know about that, but Emma is a beautiful name.” Elizabeth’s eyes glimmered with tears. “She’s so beautiful, you guys. Absolutely perfect. You did good work. I’m so happy for you.”

“It’s hard to think about life moving forward sometimes,” Robin said, her eyes open fully now. “This little girl is here, and down the hall, a few flights down…” She chewed on her bottom lip. “Gossip says he’s being moved sometime next week.”

“Yeah. Yeah, they’re talking about it.” Elizabeth swayed, rocking the baby in her arms. “I’ll make sure you find out when. In case you want to…I don’t know. I know how close you were.”

“Seems almost unfair, doesn’t it?” Robin said as Elizabeth handed Emma back to her. “Here I am, with everything I ever wanted. A perfect baby. Great friends. Hot fiancé.”

“Hey. I’m not just a set of dimples you know,” Patrick said, and she grinned.

“I said what I said.” Robin looked back at Elizabeth. “Here I am with the whole world at my feet, and there’s so many who didn’t get this far. Stone. Lily.” Her eyes were pained. “Georgie. Emily. Michael. Now Sonny. You start to wonder why you get the good fortune, and they don’t.”

“Hey,” Patrick said, a bit uncomfortable. “You deserve all this—”

“So did Michael. He was such a sweet little boy. You remember him, don’t you, Elizabeth? He had the loveliest smile as a baby.” Robin closed her eyes. “I loved him like he was my own, you know. It killed me when she came back. When she took my life. My baby. My love.”

Patrick stroked her hair. “That was a long time ago, sweetheart.”

“I know. I know. And it worked out for the best because I have you and I have Emma. And Jason, I’m glad for him, too. He has you.” Robin met Elizabeth’s eyes. “But Michael. I know it sounds awful, but there’s something about your firstborn. I know Michael wasn’t ours. But we loved him. We loved him so much. And now he’s gone, and we never get to find out who he would have been.”

“Hey.” Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed. “It doesn’t sound awful at all. I know how much Jason loves Michael. And you, I’m so sorry I didn’t think of how it might hit you.”

“I didn’t either, but Emma, she’s here. I get to hold her. And there hasn’t really been another baby I’ve loved like her except him—” She exhaled slowly. “I’m okay. I’m okay. I just—it hit me all at once. Hormones,” she managed.

“You never have to apologize,” Patrick told her, then met Elizabeth’s eyes, gave her a look. She nodded.

“I’m totally abusing my power and visiting after hours, but I couldn’t stand to wait another minute. I absolutely plan to spend every break here tomorrow,” she warned Robin, then kissed her cheek. “Why don’t you get some sleep? You’ll need it, I promise.”

“Let me take Emma so she can nap,” Patrick told Robin. “I’ll walk Elizabeth to elevator.” He kissed her forehead, settled Emma in her bassinet.

Out in the hallway, Elizabeth cleared her throat. “You’re not angry at her, are you? Because—”

“God, no. I just feel like a heel for never really thinking about her past with Michael. She mentioned it, but I don’t think I realized until right now how all of that must felt.” He folded his arms, absently rubbing his bicep with one hand. “I wasn’t here for any of that.” He looked at Elizabeth. “How’s, uh, Jason with that?”

“Managing. Better than he was. But next week—” She sighed. “I’m just—I understand what Robin’s thinking. Because I have what I want, too. Perfect little boys who are happy and healthy. A wonderful man that loves me. Supportive family, friends. And I look at Jason, even Carly, Monica—and I just think—how much loss should one family have to face?”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

After dinner, Jason volunteered to handle clean up and bedtime so that Elizabeth could go to the hospital and see Robin and the baby. He’d go another time, or when Robin was home, he assured her.

After putting the dishes in the dishwasher, and a bath that had left both boys clean but the towels soaked, Jason settled them downstairs on the sofa with some toys and Chuggin’ Charlie on the television. He’d hoped to get through some paperwork before it was bedtime, but Cameron wanted him to play.

And maybe one day Jason would say no to that request, but after the conversation at the coffee house earlier, it wasn’t going to be today.

Cameron explained all the superheroes to him, patiently holding each one up, reciting their name, powers, and some backstory that Jason knew he wouldn’t keep straight and wasn’t sure how a four-year-old could.

Cameron went over to the toy box and returned with a doll with blonde hair. “This is the victim. We save her,” he told Jason. “You be Deadpool and I be Spiderman.”

“Me.” Jake came over, picked up a blue toy with the American flag. “Me, Cam. I be Blue.”

Cameron made a face. “You’re not big enough to be Cap.” He rooted around in his plastic box, handed Jake a plastic doll. “You be Venom. He’s bad guy. He kidnap princess, and Spiderman and Deadpool save him.”

Jake threw the figurine. “Not bad guy! I good guy!”

Jason scratched his forehead. “Cameron, does it matter which one he plays?”

Cameron looked aggrieved, so clearly it mattered a lot but then looked at his little brother with his eyes shimmering with tears. “Okay. You Cap, but Spiderman in charge.”

Jake beamed, his fingers grasped around the blue superhero. “I Cap, Daddy. See?” He held it out for Jason to examine. “He blue. I like blue.”

“I see that. Blue’s a good color.” Jason made a show of examining the toy, then looked up to see Cameron watching them. “Spiderman’s blue, too,” he said, a bit hesitantly, unsure if he’d unwittingly showed a preference between the two.

“You Jake’s Daddy. He calls you that every day.”

Jason sat back against the sofa, stretched out his legs. “Uh, yeah, I guess he does.” He had, in fact, done it more regularly lately, Jason thought. “Is that okay?”

Cameron pursed his lips. He sat back on his heels. He looked down at his toy, moving Spiderman’s leg back and forth. “Me and Jake used to have the same daddy. I don’t got one now.”

Jason went still because this wasn’t a conversation he’d been expecting or prepared for. Not this way. Not without Elizabeth. “Why do you think that?”

“Daddy took us to Grammys and said he’d come back.” Cameron looked at him, and the sadness in his’s eyes made him want to hunt Lucky Spencer down and disembowel him. “He not come back. But we come here with Grammy. I like it.”

“I like it, too,” Jason said carefully. “I like having you both here. And your mother.”

“And Snelli sometimes,” Cameron said. “But how come Jake call you Daddy? Why do he got a different daddy? Where did mine go?”

Jason considered the question, looked at Jake, then at Cameron again. “There are a lot of ways to make a family. You and your mother are family because of blood. And love.”

“She made me in her tummy like she make Jake. She said I was safe and warm until I was ready, and she let me feel Jake kick. That’s why she’s my mommy.”

“That’s right. Sometimes, two people—they love each other and they make a baby together that lives in the mommy’s tummy for a while.”

“You and Mommy make Jake?” Cameron said. He looked at his brother, furrowed his brow. “Who make me with Mommy?”

“His name was Zander. He died before you were born. Like Aunt Emily.”

“Oh.” Cameron considered this. “But I had a daddy. Me and Jake have a daddy. You and Mommy didn’t make me?”

“No, I wish we had,” Jason told him. He reached for Cameron, and the four-year-old came easily, sitting in Jason’s lap. “Families can be made because they share blood. That’s you and your mommy and Jake. But they can also be made from choice. Aunt Emily was my sister, but our mother didn’t make us. She chose us to raise and love. And Aunt Carly. She’s my family because we chose her, so you and Jake are her family, too. And Morgan. Aunt Bobbie chose your mother, so she’s yours. There are a lot of ways to be a family, Cam.”

“I like choosing. I choosed Morgan, and Aunt Car and Aunt Bobbie and Uncle Nik and Aunt Lu—” Cameron blinked. “But my daddy stopped choosing me. He went away. He said he come back and he never come back.” He was quiet. “Are you going away?”

“No. I’m not going anywhere. Every day, I take you to school, and what do I tell you?”

“You say you see me after. And you always come back.” Cameron’s lips curved into a smile, and his face lit up. “You choose me?”

“I choose you,” Jason said. “Every day forever. I choose you and your mother and your brother.”

Cameron laid his head against Jason’s shoulder. “Okay. I choose you, too. Now me and Jake have the same daddy again.”

“Yeah.” Jason kissed the top of his head, gathered Jake to his other side. “Yeah, you do.”

General Hospital: Nursery

After leaving Elizabeth at the elevator, Patrick had convinced Robin to take Emma to the nursery so that Robin could get some real rest. It had been a battle, but Patrick had promised to check on their daughter often until Robin woke up.

Now, he stood in front of the glass window watching the row of babies, watching his daughter sleep, her little fists raised up on either side.

She was here. She was real. He was a father.

He heard the squeak of shoes against the linoleum and looked up, saw Matt standing not far away, indecision in his expression. The younger man didn’t move closer, but he didn’t leave either.

Patrick looked back at Emma. “I never wanted to be a father,” he said. “Never wanted to fall in love. Never wanted my father’s life. To love someone so much that the loss destroys you.”

Matt stepped up to the glass but remained several feet away from him. “How’s that going for you?”

Patrick’s lips twitched. “Terribly. I fought it every step of the way, but I can’t imagine my life without Robin. And this little girl…” He laid a hand against the glass window. “I don’t know how he did it. How he could walk away from you. I don’t know what kind of man could do that.” He looked at Matt. “Do you ever wonder if there are more—if we have more siblings?”

“No. And I don’t want to know. I—I didn’t know you were here. I wouldn’t have come if I did.” Matt paused. “I thought about what you said a few weeks ago. About being family. I don’t—I don’t think I can.”

Patrick nodded, finally looking at his brother again. “Okay.”

Matt frowned. “Okay?” he echoed.

“Okay,” Patrick repeated. “That’s how I felt a few months ago. And that’s how you feel right now. I thought I was better off alone, and I didn’t change my mind about that overnight. Maybe you won’t. But I meant what I said. You know where to find me if you change your mind. It doesn’t have to be today. Next month. Or next year. I’m here.” He looked back at his daughter, his throat tightening. “Because I know what kind of man I’m going to be. I don’t walk away from my family. And that includes you. If you ever want it.”

Spencer House: Driveway

Elizabeth parked in the driveway behind a car with rental tags. She stared at it for a long moment, then looked up at the house — it had been such a touchstone once, of the life and love she’d wanted. She’d dreamed of being part of the Spencer family until it became a crutch keeping her standing. When given the chance to live in that house, to carry on Laura’s legacy and raise her babies in that dream, she had leapt at it, sure that she’d finally be happy.

But she should have remembered how much of the Spencer family love and strength was a myth, a facade that had crumbled when Laura had faltered, tipped from her pedestal. She’d never really known Luke and Laura the way Lucky had, but he’d told her so many stories, painted such a golden childhood that she’d fallen in love with the fantasy. Had stayed in love with the mirage far longer than the man.

Elizabeth climbed out of the car, headed up the walk towards the house hesitating when the door opened and Lucky stepped out. He remained up on the porch, and she at the bottom of the steps, just looking at each other for a long moment.

“I heard your car.” Lucky slid his hands in his pockets, came forward a few steps, and she walked up the steps but didn’t reach the top. “I guess your grandmother called you.”

“She did.”

For so many weeks, she’d wondered about this moment. What would she feel when she looked at Lucky again — this man around whom she had wrapped so much of her identity? So much of her self-worth, self-respect, her life—

“I never really apologized to you,” Elizabeth said, and she could see that her words had startled Lucky, nearly as much as they’d surprised her. But once she’d spoken them, the rest flowed easily as if they’d been stored inside of her from the beginning, and she’d only had to tap into it. “For lying to you about Jake. It was cruel to do that to you, to Jason, and to Jake. Maybe I could live with it if I thought you were the better man, the better father, but you’re not. And I never believed you were.”

“This is an apology?” Lucky asked, lifting his brows. “Because you suck at them.”

“I was ashamed of what I’d done to Jason, the lies I’d told him, the ways I’d hurt him, but I wasn’t sorry for what I did to you. I am now. Because you thought it meant I chose you, and you need to know I didn’t. I chose to be safe, to cling to what was familiar. But I never thought you were the better choice for Jake.”

“Christ, Elizabeth—” He flinched. “That’s a hell of a thing to say to me now—”

“I can’t let you think for one more minute that I chose you. You think that’s what I was doing when I lied about it. What I was doing when I let the lie continue last year, and it’s not. I chose safety,” Elizabeth repeated, and he looked at her again. “But you think it gave you power. That it gave you the right to push me around. To stand in that emergency room, and in front of Jason, wield that power to send Sam to my grandmother’s house to pick up the boys. You thought you had the power in this, and you didn’t. That’s my fault, and for that I’m sorry. Because you learned on a very difficult night that you were the only one who had no say in what happened to Jake. For that, Lucky, for making you believe I ever thought you were better, I am sorry.”

Lucky exhaled slowly, looked away. “Well, if you wanted to pay me back for the horrible way I handled all of that, you’re doing it—”

“No, there’s nothing I could say that would ever make me feel better about what you did. Because you didn’t do it to me. I was unconscious. You were already gone and out of the picture by the time I woke up. You did that to my grandmother who had always supported you. Even when I wanted to give up, Gram encouraged me to keep trying. You did that to her, Lucky. And you did it to Cameron.”

“He didn’t even know—”

“He was on the stairs that morning. He watched you leave.”

Lucky shook his head. “No, no he wasn’t—I didn’t—” He raised a fist in front of his mouth. “No.”

“He was there when you closed the door. And he knew you were leaving. He’s asked for you. For days after that. Where’s Daddy? When is Daddy coming back—”

“Stop it—”

“Daddy said he’d come back,” Elizabeth continued, and Lucky closed his mouth. “Why didn’t he come back? Was I bad? Tell him I’ll be good.”

“I didn’t think—”

“No, you didn’t think about Cameron. You don’t have to tell me that. You weren’t thinking about him when you slept with Maxie, when you let me send him to stay with my grandmother while you detoxed, and then kept taking the pills. You didn’t think about Cameron when you slept with Sam. You didn’t think of Cameron, Lucky, because you just don’t think about him. You were hurt and you were furious with Jason for throwing his weight around, and you decided to make me pay for it. But I wasn’t there. I’m not the one that dealt with it. Gram was. She wanted to be with me at the hospital, but she couldn’t. You made sure of that.”

“I was dealing with a lot, okay? Maybe you were unconscious and can’t appreciate what happened, but Lulu had a breakdown. Just like my mother.” Lucky dragged a hand through his head. “What if it’s genetic? What if happens to me? I was—”

“Overwhelmed, I know.” Elizabeth’s throat was tight. “Kate was shot that day, and Sonny was running around like a lunatic, assaulting people, getting arrested. I was in surgery, and somehow, Jason didn’t get too overwhelmed to handle everything. He made sure Gram was kept in the loop, Carly took the boys so that Gram could be with me, and then, even when I was in surgery, nearly dead from complications, and Sonny was shot in the head, Jason took Cameron to school and picked him up.”

“Oh, come on—” Lucky rolled his eyes. “He’s so perfect, right?”

“No, he’s not.” She paused, waited for him to look at her again, for their eyes to meet. “But he’s better than you. I just wanted to make sure you know that in every way that matters, you will never measure up to him. I know that bothers you,” she continued, and he scowled. “You’ve always thought you were runner up to him. Always thought I was settling for you.”

Elizabeth paused again. “You’re right. It was always going to be Jason for me, and it was wrong of me to lie to you. To make you think you were the better man. I’d hate for you to come all the way back here and think there was a chance that you were ever going to come near my sons again. They have a father who loves them now. Who won’t walk out on them because he’s having a bad day. So do whatever you have to here, but Cameron and Jake aren’t part of it. Go back to California, build that new life, and forget they ever existed. Because I promise you, Jason and I will make sure that they never remember you.”

Jacks Estate: Kitchen

Carly went to the fridge. “What are we in the mood for tonight, buddy?” she called over her shoulder to Morgan at the table. I’ve got—” Frozen pizza, frozen chicken nuggets, and leftovers from the night before. She wrinkled her nose. Maybe it was time to think of some full-time help. A housekeeper and cook.

“Dinosaurs,” Morgan told her, then reached for his milk. “My favorite.”

“Oh, thank God.” Carly picked up the green and white bag, then closed the door. The bag went flying and she yelped when she saw Jax standing in the doorway of the kitchen. “You scared the crap out of me! What are you doing?”

“Sorry, sorry—” Jax crouched down to pick up the nuggets. “I see we’re having Morgan’s favorite dinner. Our little gourmet.”

“Jax, Jax!” Morgan slid out of the chair and ran across the room. Jax caught him, swinging him up in his arms, tossing the nuggets to the counter.

“Hey, kiddo. I’ve missed you.”

Deciding not to argue in front of Morgan, Carly picked up the bag and went to the oven. She studied the preheating instructions, then clicked a few buttons. “Is this a social call or—”

“No, well, yes.” Jax set Morgan on the counter, ruffled his hair. “I was driving past the house, and I just thought about you. About Morgan. And I took a chance.”

“We should—” Carly glanced at him, then at the large smile on her son’s face. “We should make some sort of…plan. I mean, if you want. For—you should see Morgan. If that’s what you want.”

“That would be—I would like that.” Jax set Morgan on his feet. “Why don’t you go pick out a movie for us to watch, buddy? Mom will make some nuggets, and we’ll eat in the media room.”

“Awesome!” Morgan pumped his fist in the air and ran out of the room.

“I don’t want it to be like this, Carly. Setting up visitation, custody arrangements—” Jax came closer to her. “What you did for Kate, keeping her in the loop, that was—it was kind of you.”

“Surprised, right? Didn’t know I had it in me?” Carly made a face, then went back to rolling out the foil for the sheet pan. “You’re always so stunned when I show common sense and empathy. Couldn’t understand why I looked after the boys for Elizabeth, why I’m making sure Kate can be part of Sonny’s care. I’m just waiting for the snide comment about me handling it in the first place?”

“Have we fallen so far from where we were?” Jax asked, and she sighed, rubbed her brow. “I assumed you were handling things because Jason’s taken on so much. I know from some, uh, experience, that acquiring a ready made family takes adjustment, and Elizabeth was recovering. It was good of you, to give him that space—”

“There it is again. That tone. You don’t expect me to be a good person, a caring friend—”

“About Elizabeth? No. I don’t. And you were angry about the wedding, angry about Kate—”

“Not because—” Carly closed her eyes, put her hands on the counter, dipped her head. “Sonny destroyed my life when he took my son into that warehouse. Michael isn’t dead, but he might as well be. And then—then I made that awful, stupid decision to—and when the truth came out, you left. And you were—you were right to leave. I’m not mad that you left.”

“But Kate didn’t.”

“No. Sonny got to go on planning a future like he wasn’t the one that took a chainsaw to mine. I got out, I got away from him, and I was happy, and with one decision—” She looked at him, pressed her hands to her chest. “It’s like he carved the heart out of me, and there was nothing left. Nothing left for you and for Morgan. Now he’s—he’s gone, but not gone. Just like Michael. This awful halfway where I don’t know whether to mourn or to hope—and everyone just keeps going on, they just keep moving, and I don’t understand how—”

Jax came forward, as if to take her in his arms but she shoved him back, her voice breaking. “No! No! You don’t get to come here and pat me on my head because I did something nice, okay? You don’t get to come here and pretend like you care about me when we both know you’ll thrown Sonny in my face the next chance you get—”

“I won’t—”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Don’t.” She kept her hand outstretched, then curled it in a fist, looked at him. “You can stay for dinner. Morgan misses you. If you want to spend time with him, I won’t stop you. Sonny’s not here to complain, and Morgan shouldn’t lose anyone else. But I can’t do this. I can’t. I have to make arrangements to move Sonny to Silver Water, and I can’t look at you while I do that.”

Jax stepped back, took a deep breath. “You’re still angry for what I did.”

“And you’re still angry at me.” She met his eyes, and he looked away. “Yes. Yes, I am still angry. Because Jason still can’t look at Sonny. Morgan can’t ever be with his father again. These are the two most important people in my life, and what you did to them hurt them irrevocably.”

“You’d have done the same. If it were Jason in that bed, and Elizabeth desperate to see him—” Jax snapped, but he stopped, winced. “That’s not—”

“Well, since I’m so awful, then I’m doing us both a favor. Why don’t you finish the damn nuggets. Have a guys night with Morgan. I need to get out.” She headed for the door, snatching up her purse on the way out.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Elizabeth dropped her bag on the desk, and draped her coat over the back of the desk chair. “Hey. Sorry I’m later than I thought I’d be.”

Jason tossed the last toy into the box, then crossed the room to slide his arms around her waist, leaning in for a kiss. “There’s no curfew,” he reminded her. She kept one arm around his waist as they went to the sofa, and sat down. “How was Robin? The baby?”

“The baby is perfect. They named her Emma.” Elizabeth laid her head on his shoulder. “She got a little emotional, remembering Michael. I thought—I don’t know if it’s something you’d want to talk to her about. You guys have such a special history. I know it’s hard to talk about, but maybe it’ll be easier with her.”

“It’s not—” Jason hesitated, then exhaled slowly, looking towards the fireplace, at the flicking flames. “Maybe you’re right,” he said, surprising himself. “Robin was there from almost the beginning. We…she really loved him. I don’t think I really understood what she was going through when Carly came home. I got to keep being Michael’s father, and she…”

“Had to stop being his mother,” Elizabeth said, and Jason nodded. “I…after that, I went to see Lucky.”

“You did?” Jason shifted slightly and she moved away so that they were looking at each other. “I thought you were going to wait to see if he reached out.”

“I was. But talking to Robin about Michael…it made me think about Lucky. Lying to him about Jake. Continuing the lie.” She folded one leg beneath her. “I was wrong on every level for how I handled that. Letting everyone believe what Carly thought was the truth, not telling Lucky once I’d made the decision to tell you. I wish I hadn’t done that. I wish I hadn’t told you and kept lying.”

“You did the best you could—”

“I love that you believe that.” Elizabeth tipped her head to the side, her lips curved. “You always give me the benefit of the doubt, even when I haven’t earned it. I told you in that elevator because I couldn’t stand not to tell you anymore. You’d risked your life to save me, to save the baby, and I was so scared—” She touched her middle, no longer rounded with child. “So scared that I hadn’t felt him move, and then I did, and I just—I needed you to know. But I never should have done that and continued that horrible lie. I’d do anything to change it.”

“It’s okay.” Jason reached for her hand, stroked the back of her fingers. “We’re here now, and we’re not going back. How did it go with Lucky?”

“I didn’t really give him a chance to say anything. I didn’t go there to hear his side, to see what he thought or wanted. Because it doesn’t matter. I know everything I need to. I apologized for lying to him, for letting him think he was in control. You never should have been standing there in the emergency room, listening to him talk about what was going to happen to your son. After everything else — he did that because he thought he could, and that’s something I let happen.”

“I needed to stand up and stop it. To stop making it your decision,” Jason told her. “I’m glad I did that. I had to stop reacting, letting everything happen around me.”

“I can still be annoyed he did it, and that I created that situation. Jason, do you know his defense? How he explained dumping the boys with Gram, dropping their things, and leaving that way? He was overwhelmed,” she said. “Overwhelmed. Because Lulu had a terrible setback, he couldn’t handle that and being humiliated by you. So he lashed out, abandoned the boys he said he loved like his own, and left without a goodbye. No word for five weeks.”

Jason opened his mouth, then closed it, looked away.

“And all I could think about was that night we argued, when I kept pushing and pushing, and you finally told me that you’d shut down. That you’d heard about Sonny and you’d just stopped feeling.” Her voice thickened, and he looked back to see her eyes glimmering with tears. “Hit after hit after hit, you absorbed it all. Emily, Alan, Michael, everything I threw at you, being on trial, everything Sam threw at you, Spinelli getting hurt, Kate getting shot, my accident, my setback, and then Sonny was just it. The last thing you could handle. But you still—you still took Cameron to school. You dropped him off, you picked him up. You sat with Jake. And they never knew anything was wrong.”

“I don’t—” Jason shifted, shook his head. “They had nothing to do with any of that. I’m glad I had them, to be able to focus on nothing but Cameron and the drive to school. I know you think I was doing that to make up for all the times I couldn’t, but it was…” He hesitated. “The best part of my day,” he said finally. “Listening to Cameron in the backseat, talk about anything and everything that came in his head. It was a relief to just listen to him and live in his world for just a little while. Having them to focus on, to look after — I don’t know.”

“It’s what a parent does. We don’t have a choice. They’re helpless children who didn’t ask to be in the world, and it’s our job to keep them safe and happy. You did that for my boys.”

“They’re ours,” Jason corrected, and she smiled. “Cameron—he asked about Jake. Calling me daddy. I could have waited for you, but—”

“I trust you to know how to handle those questions,” she interrupted, and he nodded. “Did he ask about Lucky?”

“He did. I avoided saying anything about him directly or why he didn’t come back. He might bring it up to you or not. I told him about Monica. That she didn’t share my blood or Emily’s, but that she chose us to love, to take care of. And he, uh, told me he wanted to choose me.” Jason smiled, in spite of himself, and looked at Elizabeth who was beaming. “So, that’s what happened.”

“We’re going to be all right,” she said. She curled back into his arms, and he wrapped her tight in his embrace. “No, better than that. We’re going to be happy.”

Out of the darkness and into the sun (into the sun)
But I won’t forget the place I come from
I gotta take a risk
Take a chance
Make a change
And break away, break away, break away
– Breakaway, Kelly Clarkson

---

Thursday, November 6, 2008

General Hospital: Nurse’s Station

 Nadine flipped through paperwork, searching for a patient’s discharge summary. Out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Matt Hunter standing in front of Robin’s hospital room, his hand hovering over the handle.

He pulled it back, walked a few steps away, then doubled back. Nearly reached for the door again, then dropped his hand. She lifted her head to get a better look, then winced when Matt caught her staring and immediately headed in the opposite direction.

What would it be like, Nadine wondered, to end up working alongside the half-brother your father chose over you? To be confronted every day with the family that you’d been denied because of his selfishness? She and Matt had definitely gotten off on the wrong foot when she’d suspected him of some nefarious intentions at the clinic, but she knew what it was like to be rejected by her father and to be at odds with her only sibling.

Her father had barely stuck around long enough to be named on the birth certificate, and as for Jolene—

Nadine lifted her eyes to the ceiling, where several floors above her, Jolene lay in a coma, unresponsive and unlikely to wake up.

The ding of the elevator doors brought her gaze back down, and a scowl spread across her face when she saw Nikolas step out. She lifted her paperwork and headed for the back exit of the nurse’s station, uninterested in another round of what a horrible human she was.

“Nadine—Nadine—just—” She heard Nikolas’s steps quicken, and he caught her just before she reached the staff room.

“Don’t touch—” She whirled around, slapped at the hand holding her elbow. “Don’t touch me.”

He immediately backed up, hands held up in surrender. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just—I wanted to talk to you.”

“I’ve had enough talking from you, thanks. I don’t need you to tell me what a garbage person I am.”

“I wasn’t—” Nikolas swallowed hard. “I deserve that reaction, especially with what I said—”

“Exactly—” She turned away, reaching for the door handle.

“But I’d appreciate if you’d let me apologize.”

Nadine sighed, muttered under her breath. She was such a soft touch — and had such a desperate need to please, to be liked. “You have one minute—” she said, facing him again, clutching her charts more tightly. “Make it good.”

“I’m sorry,” Nikolas said. “I got a brutal reminder that life goes on, even when everything else seems to stop, and I didn’t—I didn’t really appreciate it. It’s just—it’s not an excuse, but for the last month, I’ve been visiting Lulu every day and it’s—” He looked away, exhaled in a rush. “It’s not easy looking in her eyes and seeing nothing, you know? Everything that made her who she is, that made her special and alive, it’s just gone. She’s like a doll. You can lift her hand and lead her around, but there’s nothing inside.”

Nadine bit her lip, her heart softening despite her best intentions. “I stopped visiting Jolene because it was hard to see her that way. I can’t imagine what it’s like to see it in Lulu. I truly am sorry, Nikolas—”

“No, I know—I know.” He cleared his throat. “You looked after her when she was here. And I was grateful for it. So when Alexis told us you’d married Johnny a few days later, I just—I let myself forget who you are. I just assumed you’d done it to impress him. And Maxie didn’t exactly reassure me.”

“Maxie doesn’t have a reassuring bone in her body. She’s been angry at us since the beginning.” Nadine shifted the files again. “Nikolas—”

“You don’t have to explain what you’re doing with Johnny. You don’t—”

“I’m not sure I can,” Nadine confessed, and he looked at her, his brows pulled together quizzically. “It started because of Lulu. Because I felt sorry for him. For all of you. And he was just so sad, you know? I just wanted to help him. Maybe figure out how to convince you to let him see her in California. But…well, things happened. I’m sure you heard about Sonny.”

“Yeah. Was…was that why you were on the pier that day? Talking to him about Lulu?”

“I can’t tell you that. I can’t tell you anything about any of it. Other than I promise you that until you and Lulu were gone, Johnny and I were nothing but friendly acquaintances,” Nadine said. “That’s not what we are now, and I’m not going to make any apologies for that.”

“I don’t—I don’t expect you to.” Nikolas nodded. “Okay. Okay. That was more of an explanation than I deserved. Lucky and I—we’re here to fly back with my mother. I don’t plan to come back unless Lu recovers. So I just—I just wanted to say thank you. For forcing me to live again.”

“Thank you for your friendship. I wish you the best. I mean that, Nikolas,” she said when he started to turn away. “I hope there’s a miracle, and you get Lulu and your mother back. I like Lulu. I know that might seem insane, but I’d rather her be here, screaming at me, than locked up the way she is now. I’d give anything to save you the kind of hell that you’ve been through with your mother.”

“Thanks. Take care of yourself, Nadine.” He kissed her cheek, then left.

Lake House: Hallway

Sam left the guest room and started down the hallway towards the living room, hesitating when she heard a familiar voice with her mother. Maybe she should stay out of sight until Diane left, she thought, remembering that Jason’s lawyer would likely have no love for her. The annoying woman knew far too much about Sam and her acrimonious breakup with Jason for Sam’s comfort, and she had no problem imagining Elizabeth unloading all her fury with Lucky in the weeks since they’d gone.

Sam had tagged along on the return to Port Charles to see her mother and sisters, but she’d been curious to see if Lucky would be able to repair the bridges he’d burned leaving so abruptly — if he would, as he’d boasted in California, be able to use his connections to Elizabeth’s grandmother to guilt Elizabeth into letting him have visitation with the boys after all.

Sam doubted it but figured it would be worth it for Lucky to get a dose of reality — and if it bothered Jason or made waves in his apparent happy life with Elizabeth — well, there was no reason not to have a front row seat.

Sam hovered by the doorway, waiting for a sign that Diane wouldn’t be staying long.

“I still think you can get a better price on that property,” her mother said. “I think another meeting with the council—”

Diane snorted, and there was some rustling of paper. “Please. If I even suggest to Jason that he meet with one more politician, he’ll throw me out of his office. That man does not like schmooze.” There was a beat of silence. “Ironic, if you ask me. Sonny always liked that part of the job, and those city councilors never wanted to meet with him.”

“Jason will never admit it, but his Quartermaine connections open more doors for him. You absolutely should bring it up to him. Point out that everything that makes him seem respectable will be good for the kids.”

Sam made a face at this reminder, but Diane’s tone was thoughtful when she responded, “You have a point. He’s really embraced this whole father thing. Elizabeth is going back to work this week, and they didn’t even bother to hire a nanny. Jason brings Jake everywhere with him, even to the coffee house. I couldn’t imagine wanting to spend so much time with a toddler. They’re so…sticky.”

“No one would ever mistake you for possessing maternal feelings,” Alexis responded dryly, and Diane snickered.

“I’ll stop by there today, bring it up to him. I’ll have a little more coffee first, and another Danish.”

Sam rolled her eyes, and headed back down the hallway towards the kitchen and back door. Sounded like Diane wasn’t leaving any time soon, and she had places to be.

General Hospital: Parking Garage

Anna slammed the car door and offered Mac another scowl. “I simply don’t understand how you can be so resistant! You saw the same as I did yesterday!”

Mac sighed, closed his car door more sedately. “Patrick is a first-time father. He’s overprotective and a control freak. That’s what I saw yesterday.”

She came around the trunk of the car, planted her hands on her hips. “I overheard him telling that blonde nurse that she had to double check everything, every medication, even the epidural—”

“Do I think that’s overboard, sure—”

“I told you that Elizabeth Webber’s complication made no sense, and you refuse to let me tell you the results of the toxicology—”

“Because I can’t use anything that the WSB didn’t get legally, and you know they didn’t go through the right channels. If they did, you’d be using them. So, no, Anna—” Mac clenched his jaw. “I don’t want to know something I can’t do anything about. Get me those records in a way that doesn’t get them tossed out of court, and maybe we’ll talk.”

“But—”

“But nothing. I’ve told you over and over since the day you came here—I can’t help you more than I already have. I’ve told you what I know. I’ve opened my case files. Robin’s healthy. Emma is perfect. Everything went according to plan, and if there is something going on, Patrick’s on top of it. You don’t even know that he’s doing anything illegal—”

“What about unethical? Does that not count for anything?”

“Don’t talk to me about ethics,” Mac said. He shrugged off her hand, headed for the elevators. “Don’t you dare stand there as a representative from the WSB and talk about ethics. They had you committing God knows how many crimes as a double agent—”

“That was for the greater good—”

“Who determines that?” Mac turned back, his scowl deepening. “Who decides any of that? What’s good, what’s bad? Where’s the line, Anna? How do you decide that what you’ve done is any better than what you think Patrick is doing? Or Jason Morgan? I don’t work with ethics. I don’t work with morality. I work with the law. Because that’s all I’ve got, and you used to understand that. You used to respect that.”

“I do—”

“Really? Really? You want to talk about respecting the law, being ethical? You came here and dug in your daughter’s life because she used to date Jason Morgan. Because she’s still close to his family. And now you’re digging in Patrick’s life because maybe something happened to Elizabeth Webber on his watch, and he’s covering it up—”

“He is—”

“Really? You can stand there and tell me that what happened to her was illegal?” Mac demanded. “You know for sure that Elizabeth and her family weren’t made aware of what was going on? That they don’t have these toxicology results? How do you know Elizabeth isn’t keeping what happened quiet because it’s connected to Jason? Why are you so sure it’s Patrick?”

“Because it would have to involve him. He would have to sign off on not investigating—”

“And how do you know he didn’t? Spinelli was hanging around here back then. Maybe everything that happened is completely above board. You’ve got nothing. Even with your toxicology reports. But hey, Anna, if you’re so sure that Patrick is committing crimes, that he’s in cahoots with the mob, ask him.”

Anna pursed her lips, folded her arms. “I can’t. I was directed to keep my cover—”

“Because then Robin would know why you’re really here. So you want me to be the bad guy. I’m not interested, Anna. So either find me something I can actually use or drop it. I’m done having this argument.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

“For that, Lucky, for making you believe I ever thought you were better, I am sorry.” 

The whole trip had been a waste of time. He ought to have let Nikolas come and handle their mother’s transfer on his own for all the good it had done to get on a plane and travel three thousand miles just to have Elizabeth sneer at him.

Lucky tuned out Sam and Nikolas talking about plans for their return to California, Sam’s interest in getting her private investigator’s license in California, Nikolas setting up office space for Cassadine Industries— he was a million miles away.

No, not a million. Just a few. Just standing outside of his house, listening to his ex-wife heap vitriol and hatred on his head as if she was some perfect woman who had never made a mistake. Who had carried on an emotional affair with another man for more than year? Who had lied about the paternity of her son? Who had humiliated him over and over again, year after year—

What right did Elizabeth have to stand in front of his family’s home — the family that had taken her in and loved her more than her own ever had—and denounce Lucky as a father, a husband, and a man?

“I never thought you were the better choice for Jake.”

He’d done a lot of wrong in his life, but he’d never deserved the lies she’d told him. Had she and Jason been laughing at him all this time? Having their affair, keeping their secrets, pretending they were some sort of star-crossed Romeo and Juliet? He was a violent criminal, and she was a lying bitch.

“I just wanted to make sure you know that in every way that matters, you will never measure up to him.”

 “Lucky?”

He jolted when his brother kicked him lightly beneath the table. “What?” Lucky cleared his throat, focused on his girlfriend and Nikolas. “Sorry, I zoned out.”

“We were just wondering if there was anything we left out,” Sam said, tipping her head to the side. “Nikolas asked if you wanted to stop by your aunt’s—”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Your mom said she was still pissed at me, and I’m guessing Aunt Bobbie has heard Elizabeth’s side of the story, too,” Lucky said, making a face. “And I just know Carly is on Jason’s side. You know how she manipulates her mother.”

“Well, if you don’t want to stop by Bobbie’s, then there’s really nothing keeping us here. Mom’s transfer is set,” Nikolas said. “Paperwork is signed. Unless you’ve changed your mind about staying a few more days, talking to that custody lawyer I told you about.”

“Maybe you should talk to him,” Sam said, and Lucky looked at her, frowning. “I know you said you didn’t want a long, drawn-out custody battle, especially if you’ll lose. But if something happens to Cam or Jake, well, you’ll regret it, won’t you? Not doing something. I told you what I heard at my mother’s this morning, about Jason bringing Jake to the coffee house.” She lowered her voice, and leaned in. “I told you, Sonny used to use that place to meet all kinds of people, and you just know Jason’s doing the same thing. Think about Jake being around all of that.”

Lucky dragged a hand down his face. “No,” he said after a long moment. “No, I hate that they’re in this life. That Elizabeth has done this to them, but she made it pretty clear last night that she’d fight anything I tried, and I did myself no favors taking off the way I did.” He glanced at Nikolas who made a show of sipping his coffee, saying nothing. “I did what I thought was right at the time, but we never had a custody agreement. And we all know Jason can fight dirtier than me.”

Sam sighed. “All right, but—”

“I’ve made up my mind. Our life is in California now. It was the right choice,” Lucky said. “A fresh start for all of us away from bad memories and, well, past mistakes.” His mouth firmed as he remembered Elizabeth’s parting words.

 “Because I promise you, Jason and I will make sure that they never remember you.”

“There’s just one stop I want to make before we go.”

Jacks Estate: Michael’s Bedroom

 “Pilar said you were up here.”

Carly paused in the act of laying a stack of folded sweaters into a box, looking up to find her mother at the threshold of Michael’s room. “I thought you were going to spend the day with Nikolas and Lucky.”

Bobbie made a face, then came in and sat on the edge of Michael’s bed. “I started to. I met them for breakfast at Kelly’s and only made it through coffee before Lucky made me angry. Rather than throw my tea at him, I left.”

Carly sat back on her heels, tracing the seam of one of the sweater collars. “Was it about the kids? I haven’t—I wanted to ask Jason how that was going, but there’s been so much going on, and well, he’s made it clear I’m not exactly the person he’d confide in anyway.”

“Carly—”

“I’ve been organizing Sonny’s move to Silver Water. That looks like it can be done next week, which is good. Some closure on that. And I was thinking—this house is just too big for me and Morgan.” Carly closed the drawer she’d emptied, opened another. “When Jax and I deal with the property, I think I’ll tell him he can buy me out or we can just sell—”

Bobbie tipped her head. “Have you decided to file for divorce?”

“No. No, we can’t seem to bring up the word yet, but we’ll get there. And you know, this room is just sitting here.” Carly removed a stack of T-shirts, laid them on top of the sweaters. “Morgan can have the toys, but I thought maybe I could donate the clothes. They’re in good shape—some—some haven’t been worn—”

“Carly—” Bobbie came over, knelt down. “Let’s take a minute—”

“No, it’s okay. It’s okay. I’ve been putting it off because I didn’t want to face it, but there’s no point in pretending. Sonny is gone, just like Michael. It’s—” She looked at her mother, blurred through the tears that stung her eyes. “The rehab center called. They managed to find Sonny a room down the hall from Michael. They’ll be near each other. It’ll make it easier when I visit, but they’ll never know that. They’ll never know—” Her voice broke, and she pressed a fist against her mouth. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know you’ve been through this with BJ, and I’m acting like I’m the first person to lose someone—”

“It was different with BJ,” Bobbie said, though her voice faltered a bit. “It was,” she insisted when Carly just shook her head. “With BJ, there was closure. There was an ending. A devastating ending but all the same — we knew she was gone. With Michael and Sonny — there’s just enough hope to keep them alive. But not enough to dream about them coming home one day and having life go back to the way it was. I want so badly to believe that they’ll both come out of this—”

“What kind of person does it make me that I don’t wish that?” Carly murmured. “I don’t know if I want Sonny to wake up.”

“Carly.”

“He’s the father of my children, and I can’t help but think—God, wouldn’t we all be better off if that bullet had been just a little to the right and maybe it would all be over. It’s not right, it’s not fair that we have to do this again when we just put Michael through this six months ago. Morgan still asks for them both. And I can’t do anything about it. I can’t bring him to see them — he’ll never understand why they can’t wake up. And there’s no grave — it’s just this horrible non-ending. And I hate it. You’re right. There’s no closure. There’s just…this horrible future that I can’t do anything about.”

Coffee House: Jason’s Office

Elizabeth had returned to work that morning, leaving before either of the boys woke up, and after dropping Cameron off at preschool, Jason had worked at home that morning, going over some paperwork, catching up on things he’d pushed aside while Jake took his morning nap and had lunch.

But after lunch, there were things that had to be done in person, so Jason headed to the coffee house, packing Jake up with a bag of toys and snacks, reminding himself that he needed to set something up more permanent at the office so that Jake had an area to play in without having to drag bags back and forth.

Jake was happy enough sitting on the floor by the sofa, playing with his dump truck and some of his other favorite toys that made noise. Then he wanted to color, and Jason switched areas with him, setting him up at the desk with crayons, blank paper and coloring books, and went to read the reports on the sofa.

He just liked being in the same room with his son, keeping one eye on him, listening to him amuse himself — having a conversation with himself as he picked out crayons. It reminded him of that first Christmas in the studio, when he’d recuperated from his gunshot wound and Elizabeth had sung to herself while painting.

About an hour before it was time to pick up Cameron, Jake climbed down from Jason’s desk chair, and headed to the bag they’d packed. Jason didn’t raise his head from the contract, but his eyes were on the toddler the whole time.

Jake dug through it, then came up with Chuggin’ Charlie Rides Again, his current favorite book. He came to Jason, held it out. “Book. Daddy. Read.”

Without a second thought, Jason set the paperwork aside, lifted Jake in his arms, and they leaned back, Jake holding the book open.

A few pages in, Jason heard voices outside — Francis’s voice closer to the door, and easier to recognize. He’d been told that only Diane and Elizabeth were to interrupt him unless it was an emergency, so Jason returned his attention to the book, making it to the end of another page before the voices in the hall got closer—and louder.

And Jason recognized the second only a moment before the door crashed open, and Lucky was there.

Confusion that never stops
Closing walls and ticking clocks
Gonna come back and take you home
I could not stop that you now know
Singin’ come out upon my seas
Cursed missed opportunities
Am I a part of the cure
Or am I part of the disease? Singin’
– Clocks, Coldplay

---

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

“Yeah, yeah, okay — I’ll be in. No, it’s fine—” Nadine folded one arm across her middle, her fingers tightening on the cordless phone at her ear. “Right. I’ll see you then.”

Johnny kicked off the sneakers he’d worn that morning. It was the fourth morning he’d joined Nadine in her morning jog. She’d been bewildered the first time, but he’d managed to convince her he was trying to fix his sleeping schedule. Which was partially true, he reflected.

She didn’t need to know that he was sticking to her like glue when she wasn’t at the hospital.

“I thought you were off for another day,” he said, tucking the sneakers on the shoe rack next to her door. He pulled off his sweatshirt, leaving him in a pair of blue mesh shorts and white t-shirt.

“It’s not a full shift. Elizabeth asked me to come in.” Nadine pressed the phone against her chest, just looked at him. “She didn’t want someone they didn’t know handling the transfer.”

Johnny’s fingers clutched the sweatshirt, tightening into fists. “They’re moving Sonny today?”

“Yeah, and they need a nurse to oversee the transfer. Elizabeth feels like she’s too close, I guess, and I’m sure she wants to be there for Jason.” Nadine set the phone back on the base.

“She asked you?” Johnny said. “You don’t think that’s strange?”

“No. Well—” Nadine bit her lip. “Maybe. We don’t know each super well, but we’ve been friendly enough. I mean, we’ve both been almost killed by the same people—”

“You really think that’s something to joke about?” Johnny muttered. He disappeared into the bedroom, irritated she wasn’t taking any of this seriously and with himself for picking a fight when Nadine hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Am I supposed to pretend your father didn’t try to kill me last year?” she asked, appearing in the doorway. “Or that he didn’t try to get Jason and Elizabeth to jump off the parapet? And Diego Alcazar, you know he came after us both—I’m just saying. I’m not surprised Elizabeth asked me, that’s all.”

“You’re not the least bit confused why she’s asking you? You’re married to me. I put Sonny in that bed—”

“Sonny put himself in that bed,” Nadine said softly, and Johnny grimaced, sat on the bed. “We’ve talked about this. He shot first, Johnny. What if the bullet had hit me? It could have. It could have hit you. What were you supposed to do?”

Johnny shook his head, looking away. She didn’t get it, and he didn’t want her to understand what it was like to carry this kind of weight. “I never wanted to be in my father’s world,” he found himself saying. “I ran as far as I could for as long as I could. I don’t know how Jason can do this. How he can go home to Elizabeth and those boys, knowing what he does.”

“That’s a question for them to answer, not us, Johnny. You’re not in your father’s world, right now, are you? You’re here. With me.” She folded her arms, leaning against the door frame. “Maybe Jason’s involved with all of this the same way you are. Choices he made when he was young. And now he can’t get out. But you can.”

“As long as my father is Anthony Zacchara, I’m always going to be in it.” Johnny looked at her. “That’s why Elizabeth is asking you. Jason’s making it clear he doesn’t hold me responsible. Everyone knows it was me. They can’t prove it, but they know.”

“He wants peace, Johnny. I talked to him, you know, the day you were arrested. I was—” She shook her head. “Freaking out, I guess, and I went to see him.”

Johnny looked at her, drew his brows together. “You never told me that.”

“I didn’t want you to know I was having doubts. But I didn’t after I talked to Jason. Because I saw why he was helping us. Jason could have gone after you or your father for what happened to Sonny. That’s what your dad would have done, isn’t it?”

That’s what his sister had done, Johnny thought darkly, but if he never said it out loud, it never had to be true. “Yeah. And Dad doesn’t play fair.”

“Exactly. Jason’s going out of his way to make sure your father can’t complain. Any violence that happens won’t start with him. Maybe I don’t like the world he lives in, but I can appreciate that he’s the only person trying to do the right thing. He knows it was self-defense, Johnny. So if the reason Elizabeth asked me to do this transfer is to send another signal to men like your father that you and I aren’t to blame for any of this—then I can live with that. Can you?”

Morgan Penthouse: Kitchen

Elizabeth still held the phone when she joined Jason in the kitchen that morning. “Hey. Cam get off to school all right?” she asked, sliding an arm around his waist and leaning up to kiss him. “You shouldn’t have turned off my alarm.”

Jason kept her close when she might have pulled her away, framing her jaw with one hand and kissing her again. “You had the night shift the last few days,” he murmured, his thumb brushing her bottom lip. “I was back before you even noticed I’d left.”

“Mmm, I definitely didn’t miss the overnights.” Elizabeth set the phone on the counter, accepted the hot chocolate he handed to her. “Epiphany says that I should start pulling rank, but I don’t know that I really have seniority yet. I mean technically, yeah, because we’ve had so much turnover in the last year.” She sat at the table. “But I still feel like the new kid. I talked to Nadine. She’s going to handle the transfer.”

Jason didn’t say anything for a moment, just poured the last of the coffee into his mug and switched off the pot. “Thank you. For arranging that.” He joined her at the table. “I just…there’s not that many people I trust to be on his case. With everything that’s happened at the hospital—”

“I know.” Elizabeth reached out, stroked his arm. “And I wanted to be with you. Even if it’s just to stand there.”

Jason’s smile was faint, devoid of warmth. “I don’t even know if I can stand there,” he admitted. “I never…I’ve never been to see him.”

She tipped her head. “Do you think that means you didn’t love him? I know what Sonny meant to you—”

“Meant,” Jason repeated. He leaned forward, his elbows on the table, his head bowed slightly. “The last year or so. Maybe longer,” he admitted, “I’ve…started to resent him. As much as I loved him,” he continued. He looked at her. “I used to respect him for letting me make my own choices. You know, I thought that was what made him different than the Quartermaines. Sonny knew I had the right to make my own choices, and they didn’t. But I didn’t…they were right. I didn’t understand what I was throwing away.”

Elizabeth bit her lip. “Jason—”

“He told me. I guess he did. He told me that once I was in, getting out would be almost impossible. But it wasn’t.” He looked at her. “I got out once. You remember, don’t you?”

“I do. You came to the boxcar to tell Lucky.”

“I would have stayed out, but Sonny came back. And he wanted that power again. I didn’t…things were falling apart with Michael. Robin was gone—” Jason just sighed. “And I said okay. Let’s go. Because I didn’t have anything else. I didn’t understand, even after having Michael, that I was making this choice forever. Sonny—he didn’t have to come back here. There was nothing but bad memories. But he came back to Port Charles, and he asked me to help him get back what I’d given away. I felt guilty.”

“That was a long time ago, Jason—”

“I don’t want Jake or Cameron to grow up thinking that this is a good life,” Jason said tightly, and her hand fell away. “Michael was starting to think that, you know? I could see it—he took Sonny’s gun, and he shot Kate. You keep apologizing for keeping Jake away from me, but you don’t understand that I had to agree. And I did. Because I never want my sons to grow up to think I’m a good man. That this life is something they should want.” He looked at her then, tears in his eyes. “Promise me. That we won’t do what Sonny and Carly did. To let them think that anything about this life is worth having.”

“I promise,” Elizabeth said softly. “Jason—”

“I don’t know if I could go see him. I don’t know if I can sit in a room with him and not be angry at everything he’s done. I don’t know if I can be sorry he’s gone. He wouldn’t have stayed out, you know that, don’t you? He would have tried to take the business back, to force me out—and I would have told him no this time. I would have refused. So maybe I shouldn’t go today.”

She was quiet for a long moment. She’d wanted him to open up about Sonny for weeks, but she’d stopped pushing, hoping he’d be able to when the time was right. She’d had no idea that Jason was wrestling with these kinds of regrets and resentment.

“You asked me a few months ago what about what you do makes me love you.” He lifted his eyes to hers, frowned. “When we were arguing at the coffeehouse, and I hid while you threatened one of those Russian guys. Do you remember that? You were angry with me because I wasn’t taking no for an answer this time.”

“I—yeah. I remember.”

“I knew the second you asked that question that you’d been wanting to ask that all along. Every time we had this argument, I could see you asking yourself why I’d put up with any of this. And believe me, Jason, I’ve asked myself that question so many times. I had my chances to walk away. Bombs in my studio, men stopping me on the docks to ask questions about you or Sonny, lying to cops, being shot at, kidnapped three times — All of that, and I’m still here. The world you live in isn’t a good one, and it’s not one I’d want for the boys. And yes, I know you’re capable of violence. I’ve known that since that first night in Jake’s. I’ve known that since you put Sorel on his knees and kept him there with just one hand because he spoke to me—”

She saw him wince at that memory. “I didn’t plan to fall in love with you, Jason. It just happened. And Sonny? I don’t think he planned to trap you in this life. You said he tried to talk you out of it. But you wanted to make your own choices. Your own mistakes. You’ve made them. Sonny wasn’t always a good man, but he was your friend. He was your family. And it’s okay to be angry with him for all the things he did wrong. But it’s okay to love him, too. It’s okay for me to love you.”

“Why? Because you say so?” But the question was almost wry, the corner of his mouth lifting.

“Sonny was a complicated man who could be extraordinarily kind and compassionate. Selfish and cruel. He believed in you, Jason, when a lot of people didn’t. You told me once that everything you’d learned—everything that made you who you were came from Robin and Sonny. Do you have to throw away all the good he gave you because of the bad?”

“No,” Jason said slowly. “No, I guess not. But—”

“We’ll go to the hospital today, and we’ll say goodbye to that man. The man who held me on what I thought was the worst day of my life. The man that I held on the worst day of his—the day he and Carly lost that first baby. The man who offered you money for a ride home and didn’t believe you were as damaged as the rest of the world said. I’ll miss that man. Won’t you?”

Jacks Home: Foyer

“I really wish you’d change your mind about the hospital.” Bobbie slid her hair from beneath the collar of her jacket and turned back to Carly. “I’d be so much more help with you today—”

“It’ll be enough to think of you in Manhattan, visiting with Michael.” Carly glanced through her purse, making sure to have transferred things from her smaller bag. “Jason will be there today, and that’s all I need.”

“You finally got him to agree to come? I wasn’t sure he would.”

“Neither was I.” Carly removed her coat from the hanger, closed the closet door. “He and I don’t talk about Sonny much. Just that one conversation to talk about Silver Water. Otherwise…it’s a nonstarter. He’s holding it inside, just like he always does.”

“Maybe. It’s hard, I think, for the both of you,” Bobbie said. She rubbed her daughter’s arm. “I know it makes sense to lean on each other during a time like this, but it’s also perfectly ordinary that Jason might be leaning more on Elizabeth. Just as you’ve leaned on me.”

Irritation rippled through Carly. “I don’t know why. I’m the one who knew Sonny, not her. I don’t understand what she’s got that I don’t—”

“Carly.”

She fought the urge to hunch her shoulders and look away at the look of disappointment in her mother’s eyes. “What?”

“All things considered, with all the loss he’s suffered, Jason is happier now than I’ve seen him in years. Tell me you can see that, Carly. No matter how much you dislike Elizabeth, you can’t deny—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. She’s making him so happy I could puke,” Carly muttered. She buttoned her coat. “Just because he deserves to be happy, that doesn’t mean I have to be thrilled he chose another mealy mouthed girl with a hero complex—”

Bobbie grimaced. “Maybe I should go to the hospital after all. I’m sure you’ll run into Elizabeth, and the mood you’re in, you won’t be able to help yourself.”

“No. No. I can do this. I’ve been good for the last month. Since Jason threw me out of the hospital room. I can play nice to her face.” Carly tossed back her hair. “But that’s why I have you to vent to in private. You’re my mother, it’s your job to love me no matter how insufferable I’m being.”

“Don’t I know it.”

“Ha,” Carly muttered darkly. She yanked open the door. “I’ll see you when we get to Manhattan.” She paused at the threshold, took a long, shaky breath. “I don’t want to do this.

“I know.” Bobbie hugged her daughter firmly. “We’ll be okay, baby. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.”

Crimson: Kate’s Office

Kate hesitated at the threshold of her office, a file in one hand and her purse in the other. Her lips pressed together in an unhappy line as she turned deliberately away from Jax waiting in the receptionist area. “You’ve rescheduled all my necessary appointments for the next few hours?”

Maxie sprang up from her desk. “Yes. Mina is going to take the conference call with New York. Everything is all set. Um—” She slid a side glance at the man waiting. “I guess I don’t have to tell you that you have a visitor.”

“No, you don’t. That’ll be all, Maxie. You can take your lunch.”

“All right.” Maxie gathered her things and hurried out of the room.

Kate set her purse and the file on Maxie’s recently vacated desk. “I thought I had made myself entirely clear, Jax. There’s no need for you to come by looking for forgiveness—”

“That’s not what I wanted.” Jax came forward, tugging at his tie. “Carly won’t speak to me. Not even to talk about divorce. I’m just trying to find a way to make this right.”

Kate tipped her head, arched a slim brow. “I’m surprised you still think that’s possible at this point. Especially today. Did you know Carly was able to arrange for Sonny to be down the hall from Michael? Won’t that make the visitation easier?”

Jax closed his eyes, pain flickering across his face, and Kate felt just the hint of regret at the nasty jab. “I deserve that.”

“Yes, you do. I suppose I can understand how the petty side of your nature won during those few days. The power to deny Sonny something he wanted after all he’d done to you. I understand why you did it, Jax. That’s never been the problem.”

“Kate—”

“It wasn’t enough for you to block him from my room just a few times. You not only refused him to stay by my side, you refused to even let Maxie keep him updated.”

Jax looked away, and she nodded. “That’s right. You and Sonny were so alike. Using someone else as the weapon. Brenda, Carly. Michael. Me. And even Maxie. You’ve won, Jax. He’s finally gone. Everyone you know and love is finally safe from Sonny’s dangerous life. I hope that brings you some solace as you face the end of your marriage and the end of our friendship. There’s nothing you can do to make it right, Jax. Sonny is gone. The life I would have had died that day on the pier.”

“If it hadn’t been that day, it would have been another,” Jax bit out. “You and Carly act as if I’m the one that pulled trigger.”

“No, you weren’t. But you sure didn’t mind loading the gun.” Kate lifted her purse. “I have somewhere to be. Don’t be here when I return.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

The elevator doors slid open, and Jason hesitantly stepped out, Elizabeth trailing behind him, her hand firmly tucked in his, stopping short when he saw Kate sitting in the waiting room, thumbing through a magazine.

Carly was pacing a few feet away, nibbling at the nail on her thumb. She looked over, saw them, and her expression eased. “You—you came.”

“I told you I would.” Jason looked at Kate — the first time he’d seen her since that terrible day in the church. He remembered now, watching her walk down the aisle in her wedding white, the crimson stain of blood spreading across her dress.  “I didn’t—”

“Carly asked if I wanted to be here.” Kate set the magazine aside, rose to her feet. “I—I’m so sorry, Jason. For all of this.”

“Patrick said we could…I don’t know, I thought maybe we could—if you wanted time with him.” Carly looked at Kate. “To say—whatever you want to say.”

Jason cleared his throat, looking back at Elizabeth. “I don’t—”

“I’ll go first,” Kate volunteered. “I—I want to get this over—” She grimaced, closed her eyes. “That’s not what I meant—”

“It’s okay,” Jason interrupted. “We know what you mean.”

Kate smiled gratefully, then twisted the diamond ring on her finger. Her engagement ring. “I…I suppose I should get to it then. We’re on a schedule.”

She disappeared down the hall, and Carly finally sat down, perching on the edge of the chair, tapping her fingers against her thighs. “Thank you. For looking after Morgan tonight.”

“It’s the least we could do after all the help you gave us when I was hurt,” Elizabeth spoke up, and Carly looked at her, smiled thinly. “And Cam’s looking forward to it.”

“Good. Good. I just—” She closed her eyes. “I hate this. All of it.” She dragged her hands through her hair. “Barely a year since we did this. How do I have to do it again? How is this fair?”

“It’s not.” Elizabeth released Jason’s hand and went to sit next to Carly. “It’s cruel, and it shouldn’t be happening. I’m sorry, Carly.”

“Don’t be nice to me. It’s confusing,” Carly muttered. She folded her arms, looked down the hall where Kate had disappeared. “How can this be real?”

He wanted to run, to head for the emergency stairwell and flee the hospital, but if Carly could handle it, Jason was going to have to figure it out.

But like Kate, he just wanted all of this over with so he could go home and see his family, to remember the pieces of good he had in life, even if he didn’t deserve it.

Elm Street Pier

Any time now, Sonny would be wheeled out of the hospital into a transport van destined for the long-term hospital where he’d be put in a room and largely forgotten.

But would Johnny ever be able to forget the out-of-control mobster who’d blamed Johnny for all that had gone wrong in his life?

They’d washed away the blood from that day, Johnny thought, staring down at the weathered wood of the pier. It was like it had never happened. But every inch of Johnny’s life had been irrevocably changed by it.

“Reminiscing?”

Johnny jerked his head up, saw a man sauntering towards him, a smile etched smugly across his patrician features. “Who are you?”

“Who I am is of no matter. It’s what I know—what I can do that you ought to concern yourself with,” the man said, his words clipped and short in a posh British accent. “Your lovely wife has a reputation for championing children. A pediatric nurse, isn’t she?”

Johnny fisted his hands at his side. “Stay away from her—”

“I suppose she thinks she’s protecting a poor hapless victim by not telling everyone what happened here that day.” The man tipped his head. “But would she keep protecting a child killer?”

Blood roared in Johnny’s ears, the world falling away. This was the man who had threatened his sister. Who was threatening his wife. “I didn’t—I wouldn’t—”

“Ah, but you’re the one protecting the child killer. Not that little Michael Corinthos is actually dead, though I hardly think that matters to his mother and family. You don’t think the lovely nurse Nadine would be a bit conflicted protecting you, knowing the secret you’re keeping? How long would you stay out of jail then? And what would happen to your sister if the world knew?”

Johnny shook his head, started past him towards the stairs. “I don’t know what you’re talking about—”

“Ah, I see you don’t take me seriously. Perhaps a demonstration of my power is in order—”

“You can’t touch me, and you can’t touch my wife. It would be suicide—”

The man smiled. “I’ve always liked living on the edge. Your sister asked you for a favor. I think you ought to grant it.”

“Don’t—”

“Then again, you could keep refusing. After all, someone would have to be crazy to go after Johnny Zacchara or his wife. That, of course, leaves the rest of the world wide open. Would you like to take the risk, or will you do my bidding?”

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard
– I Will Remember You, Sarah McLachlan

---

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Patrick & Robin’s Condo: Nursery

Robin cradled her newborn daughter in her arms, swaying gently and rubbing Emma’s back, hoping the fussy baby would drift back to sleep. “Mommy needs a nap, too,” she murmured.  She continued swaying, slowly turning in a circle, smiling when she faced the doorway and saw Patrick leaning against the open door frame. “There’s Daddy.”

“Is my perfect princess giving her mother a hard time?” Patrick asked, grinning.

“Of course not, my perfect child wouldn’t dream of it,” Robin said, returning the smile. She went to the crib, laid the baby down on her back. Emma’s eyes remained closed, her tiny hands curling into fists. Robin caressed her cheek, then drew back, pressing a finger against her lips.

They both retreated to the living room and Robin checked the monitor. “I thought you had a meeting,” she said, leaning up to kiss Patrick. He gripped her elbows, held her in place for an extra moment before letting her step back.

“I did. It’s over. But I…I thought you might want to know…Sonny’s being transferred today.”

Robin bit her lip, folded her arms, and looked away. “Is he?”

“We haven’t really talked about it in a while. I didn’t know if you’d want to know, or if you’d already made your peace with it all.”

“I don’t know how anyone can make peace with all that’s happened.” Robin drifted towards a set of black metal shelves and a photo that was never far away from her. One of Stone’s last good days — crowded around the table at Sonny’s penthouse, Sonny with his arm slung around Stone, Robin beaming.  “Lily took this photo. I felt guilty, you know, spending time around her with how Brenda felt about everything. But she was so good to Stone.” Her fingers traced Sonny’s face. “He was a difficult man to know. I’m sure you’ve never really understood why I’d be close to him.”

“Maybe in the beginning, but you’ve told me about Stone.” Patrick sat on the arm of the sofa. “He was there for you with Stone. Someone who loved him as much as you did. And then when you were dating Jason. I’m sure it made sense at the time.”

“It’s my fault, you know, that Jason got involved with Sonny at all. Did you know that?” She glanced at him over her shoulder. “Jason found a bag of money on the docks, and I told him to take it to Sonny. Jason did that, and Sonny hired him. I think about it all the time — what if I hadn’t done that? What if I’d told him to turn it into the police?”

“Jason didn’t have to take the job—”

“You didn’t know him then. He was so desperate for anyone to see him as his own person — the Quartermaines kept treating him like a child and well, others like a damaged idiot lucky to be walking around. Sonny gave him responsibility, gave him a sense of self-worth. Worst mistake of my life.” Robin sighed, turned away from the photo. “But that doesn’t mean I wanted Sonny to end up like this, trapped inside his own body. I called Brenda — she wasn’t even surprised.”

“He lived a violent life, Robin. It’s not shocking that it would end like this. But I’m sorry.”

“So am I. Morgan and Kristina won’t remember him, and I don’t know that there are many of us left in Port Charles willing to think kindly about him. There was good in him, you know. He could be sweet. Compassionate. But cruel,” Robin murmured. “Reckless.” She cleared her throat. “Would you mind staying here for a while? I…I think I want to go to the hospital. To say goodbye, if I can.”

Nadine’s Apartment: Living Room

Johnny jerked his jacket off with one hand, the other pressing the cell to his ear. “What the hell did you get me mixed up in, Claudia?” he demanded.

At the other end of the line, his sister sounded bored — which never boded well. “I told you, John. Just do what they ask, and you can be out of it—”

“Are you kidding me? Are you insane? Do you know what he wants me to do?”

Claudia was quiet on the other line for a long moment. “I know he wanted you inside Jason’s organization, but—”

“He wants me to offer to work for him—” Johnny went to the window. Nadine didn’t have much of a view — just more apartment buildings, but he felt too confined. Too closed in. He pressed a tight fist against the window. “I’m supposed to get the security details for the Towers.”

“Okay, well, even if you wanted to do that, it would take time,” Claudia said. “So, like, do the first part, and I’ll get this handled on my end—”

“If I go to work for Jason, Dad will know, and he’d be pissed.” And Nadine would be distinctly unhappy. She could live with the baggage he brought to this situation because Johnny had been born into this life. He’d had no choice in that, but to actively be part of it, to do anything that would drag him in deeper—

She might not think he was worth protecting after all, and he’d lose her.

“What’s the alternative, John? You tell him no, and he crushes you like a bug—look, I told you I was sorry! This was never supposed to blow back on you—”

“What did you think was going to happen when you went after Sonny Corinthos?” Johnny demanded. “You did this because of me, do you think I’m an idiot? You took a shot at him, and how’d that work out? He blamed me for that. And then for Kate—I never did a damn thing to him—”

“I’m trying to keep you safe—”

“You’re trying to cover your ass—you don’t really give a damn about me or Nadine. So forgive me if I’m not taking your advice on how to get out of this. I’ll—” He stopped. “I’ll deal with it myself. Dad owes me this. He’ll make Nadine untouchable, and then those assholes can find another patsy.”

“Oh, sure, it’ll be that simple. Sometimes, John, you’re such a fucking child. I don’t know why I bother with you. Go ahead, try it your way. See how it works out.”

The line went dead, and Johnny tossed his phone aside, dragging his hands down his face. Christ, every time he turned around, someone was making his life worse. But the only card Johnny had left to play was his father.

Because if Anthony Zacchara couldn’t keep Nadine safe, no one could.

General Hospital: Sonny’s Room

Kate stood at the end of the hospital bed, her arms tightly folded as she took in the comatose form of her fiancé. Did she still get to call him that, she wondered?

He was pale, his hair disheveled, and left to curl around his temples — the way it had when they were little more than children running the streets in Bensonhurst. She’d loved him so much once.

“It looks as though our story ends abruptly once again,” Kate said, finally. “I left you to start over, to put Connie Falconieri behind me — to stop myself from following you around while you threw your life away. You wanted power, wealth, and respect. There never was much space for love.” Her throat felt scratchy. “I thought that had changed. I thought you’d learned that the power you’d craved wouldn’t take away all the darkness in your life. But here we are again, at the end of the road, and this time you’re the one leaving me. You couldn’t wait for me to wake up — you had to pursue revenge, to make sure no one thought you were weak.”

She dipped her head, took a deep breath. “I used to wonder sometimes if we could have made it work somehow. If we could have loved each other enough—that’s the one piece of good to come from all of this. I know the truth now. We were never going to be a fairy tale, were we? Sonny and Kate were as doomed as Sonny and Connie.  This was always how the story ends.”

She brushed away the one tear lingering on her cheek. “I don’t know how any of this works. If you can hear me, if part of you is here, or if you’re somewhere else. I think I hope it’s somewhere else. That you’re at peace somewhere. That somehow, you and Michael have found each other again. Goodbye, Sonny.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

It felt almost ghoulish to sit in this room, waiting his turn to sit at Sonny’s bedside and say…what exactly? Jason still didn’t know what to say to the man who had such a profound impact on his life, for better or for worse. And he wasn’t even dead. Nothing had changed in the last month. Sonny was being moved to a rehabilitation center where there was little hope of rehabilitation. He was just going further away where Jason didn’t have to admit he was avoiding his old friend.

Carly couldn’t sit still — she paced the length of the room, cracking her knuckles from time to time, pausing at the window overlooking the park, then turning back to walk towards the elevators.

At his side, Elizabeth was sitting quietly, thumbing through a magazine. She’d know what to say to Sonny, Jason thought. Maybe she’d go with him—

There was a light ding from the direction of the elevators, and the doors slid open. Robin stepped out, and Carly stopped to look at her — her one-time nemesis.  Her lips thinned as she pressed them together, and the two of them seemed locked in a staring contest that only they could understand.

“This is going to be fine,” Elizabeth said, mostly under her breath. “Carly won’t start anything today—”

Jason looked at her, and she smiled faintly. “Probably won’t.”

“I, um—” Robin cleared her throat, touched her collarbone, a bit nervous. “Patrick told me they were…transferring him today. And I guess I just—I was hoping I could—could I say goodbye?”

“What, like he’s dead?” Carly snapped. “You’re coming to mourn him when you couldn’t be bothered to visit him in life? He’s not dead, so save your victim tears for someone else. This day is for people who actually loved Sonny—”

“Carly.”

Jason bit out her name in that same irritated tone he’d had the morning he’d thrown her out of Elizabeth’s room, and Carly recognized it right away. She made a face, but retreated to the chairs, slumping down in one next to Elizabeth, and yanking a magazine from the pile.

Jason ignored her, looking at Robin. “I’m sorry. I should have called, but—”

“But it’s been a lifetime since Sonny and I were in each other’s lives, I understand. Thank you. I won’t take long, I just—”

They stopped at the sound of heels and Kate appeared around the corner, her eyes dry, but her face pale. “Thank you. I—I don’t think I’ll wait—I need to go back to work. But thank you.”

“You go next,” Carly said flatly to Robin. “You have a baby to get back to. It’s not like you matter anyway. Might as well get you out of the way.”

Robin rolled her eyes and headed for the hallway.

Jason sat next to Carly, glared at her, and she huffed. “What? Did I stutter? Or lie?” She folded her arms, crossed her legs. “Don’t look at me like a disapproving parent. Robin and I hate each other. I might have softened on this one over here, but me and that one. Hell will freeze over first.”

“Thanks,” Elizabeth said, raising the magazine in front of her face. “You’re too kind.”

“Don’t look at me like that, Jason—”

“You’ll never change,” he said, with a shake of his head. “I don’t know why that surprises me after all these years.”

“Look, I don’t even have to deal with Little Miss Purity all that much now since you kicked her to the curb for ruining our lives—” She closed her mouth when he shot her a fulminating look. “I’m not apologizing,” she muttered, slinking down into her seat.

Jason dragged his hand down his face and just sighed. He returned to his seat next to Elizabeth, and she reached for his hand, squeezing it for a moment. “Let it go. Robin doesn’t care, I promise you that.”

“Yeah, well—” He exhaled slowly. “I do.” How many times had he let Carly get away with treating Robin like garbage? How many times had she gone after Elizabeth? She was never sorry about any of it, and he’d never done anything to stop it. Nothing had changed in all these years, and he hated it.

“It’ll be okay,” Elizabeth said, careful to keep her voice low so that Carly could only guess at what she was saying. “The important thing is Robin is going to get her moment, and then they’ll go back to ignoring each other.”

“Let’s hope,” he muttered.

General Hospital: Sonny’s Room

Robin sat by the bed for a long quiet moment, watching as Sonny’s chest rose and fell, watched Sonny’s heartbeat remain steady and regular on the screen on the other side of the bed.

“I had a daughter,” she said, looking at his familiar, once beloved face. His eyes were closed, his skin somewhat slack. Lifeless. Empty. She swallowed hard. “Emma Grace. She’s perfect. Healthy. We still have more tests to run for the HIV, but the odds are against it. I never thought I’d get to have this — a future, you know? Sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake…not telling Stone about my diagnosis. But most of the time, I know it’s a weight he couldn’t bear at the end.”

Robin looked down at her hands, the sight of Sonny almost too much for her to bear. “I feel like I should say I regret that we lost touch. That we weren’t close anymore. But it would be a lie, and I’m sorry for that. I could still see glimpses of that man in you, but you lost your way. These last few years, the things I’ve seen and heard — I don’t know. I just—” She exhaled slowly. “But for the man you were, for the love and kindness and strength you gave me when I could barely breathe, I’ll always be grateful.” She rose to her feet. “I hope you’re at peace, Sonny. That wherever you are, that you feel safe.”

She leaned down, kissed his forehead. “Goodbye.”

General Hospital: Waiting Room

“I’m going to call Gram and check in,” Elizabeth said, squeezing Jason’s hand. “I’ll be right back.”

Jason watched as she disappeared around a different corner, probably for the staff room on this floor for a little privacy. When she was gone, he looked at Carly who was avoiding his gaze.  “It’s been almost ten years—”

“I know exactly how long it’s been,” she muttered. “Down to the damn day. Don’t tell me to forgive and forget. Isn’t it bad enough that I already have to deal with Elizabeth?”

Jason tensed. “What does that mean?”

“It means exactly what I said. I tolerate her because she’s the one you picked, and I love you. But don’t imagine that means I like her.” Carly sniffed, picked up a magazine. “It’ll be a cold day in hell before that happens.”

“I thought we agreed—”

“I’ve been very helpful and tolerant these last six weeks,” Carly interrupted. “I like her kids, and I like you. Be satisfied with that.”

“She’s never done anything to you—”

“Don’t tell me how to feel. You hate when people do that to you, so don’t you dare tell me who to give a damn about. I’ll never be friends with Elizabeth, and I hope Robin drops off a cliff immediately, setting us all free of her self-righteous—”

“It’s been ten years,” Jason repeated, exasperated. “Everything worked out—”

“You think I should forgive Robin for what she did?” Carly sat up, her eyes bright with fury. “Maybe you can, but I never will. That was my secret to tell—not hers! My life she blew up, not hers! The second she did that, she ruined everything, and I’m still dealing with it. If she’d kept her damned mouth shut, Michael would still be your son, and he’d—” She looked away, her eyes bright with tears. “He’d be yours, and he’d be awake and running around, and he’d be safe.”

Jason sighed, rubbed his forehead. “Carly—”

“Don’t tell me you were going to tell the truth—no, what she did—it changed the course of my life. It ruined it. I had to do so much damage control, and I never really got it back the way I wanted—” She shook her head, folded her arms. “If she doesn’t tell AJ the truth, then—”

“Then what, Carly? What? You don’t marry him? You don’t almost have me arrested for kidnapping? You don’t sleep with Sonny, is that what you’re saying? You’re going to blame Robin for everything you did?” Jason wanted to know, keeping his voice low and tight. “Robin left town. She wasn’t there, shoving you into Sonny’s arms. And—” he stopped. “We settled this a long time ago, Carly. What happened—it happened. And—”

And if Robin had never told AJ about Michael, then Jason would never have ended up at Jake’s that night and met Elizabeth.

“I don’t know why you have to be so angry with me,” she said, tears clinging to her lashes. “I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true. I’m doing the best I can.”

“The sad thing is I actually believe that,” Jason muttered, getting to his feet, heading for the windows. Away from Carly. He just wanted to get this awful day over with and go home.

Robin came out then, her eyes rimmed with red. “Thank you, um, I appreciated that.” She flicked her eyes to Carly, glaring at the floor, then back to Jason. “You holding up okay?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. “How are you? The baby?”

“Good.” Her face lit up. “Perfect, actually. When I can get her to take a nap. And I bet you’ve got your hands full with those boys. The last time I saw Cameron, he was running laps around the nurse’s station.”

A smile tugged at his mouth, because he could and would talk about his sons for as long as anyone would listen. “Yeah, Jake is starting to run around now, too. They chase each other.”

“I love that. For both of you. Do me a favor?” Robin asked.

“Anything.”

“Let Elizabeth take care of you. I know you always say you don’t need anything,” Robin said, when Jason just sighed. “But it’s not true. And she loves you.” She leaned in, hugged him. He hugged her back, wishing he could find a way to apologize for all the ways he’d been wrong before, but knowing the time when his apologies would have mattered was long past. “And forgive yourself,” she murmured, drawing back. Their eyes met. “Forgive yourself for being the last one standing. You take on too much, Jason. Don’t—don’t let what happened to Sonny be one more weight. This was never your fault.”

“Hate to break this little scene up,” Carly said, and the two of them looked over at her. “I guess I’ll go take my turn. Not that you’d notice if I was gone.” With a roll of her eyes, she left.

Robin wrinkled her nose. “Still a joy, isn’t she?”

“I’m sorry. For her. For all of it.”

“You don’t have to apologize to me. Carly and I will hate each other until the world ends.” Her lips twitched. “And probably after that, too.”

Warehouse: Pier

“Do you have any idea how much these shoes cost me?” Claudia demanded as she strode through the cargo entrance to the rest of the building. “Jimmy Choos are not supposed to be trekking through the muck and grime—”

“Let me know when you’ve finished complaining,” Jerry murmured, studying his phone. “And I’ll start listening—”

“I told you to give me more time with my brother. I told you that it’s not exactly easy to make him understand why he has to do this, but men never listen. It’s always on your timetable and not about realistic expectations—”

“Did I give you the impression that you were some sort of equal partner?” Jerry interrupted, and Claudia closed her mouth. “I’m truly sorry if you thought you had some sort of say in this. You were a conduit, my dear Claudia, but since you couldn’t get it done, I don’t see a use for you any longer.”

Her cheeks drained of color, and she swallowed hard. A rare sign of vulnerability from the tough as nails bitch. “What does that mean? What—”

“Oh, don’t worry. You still have all the armor that your daddy has bestowed upon you.” Jerry snapped his phone closed, smiled at her. “You and your brother. And for the moment, that wife of his. I wouldn’t get anywhere if I terminated either of you. You are the leverage, after all, my darling. You and all the lovely secrets you possess.”

“Johnny will do what you need him to do,” Claudia said. “You just have to give him some time to understand that this is the only way. It’s not easy for him to betray someone who’s never hurt him, okay? And if this were about Sonny, okay, he’d do it in a heartbeat. But Jason has protected him.”

“And his loyalty is commendable, to be sure. Don’t worry. Shortly, your brother will learn just how closely I can strike at him.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Ah, a better question would be—what have I already done?” Jerry tipped his head. “You’ll know soon enough, and when you do—you’ll remind dear baby brother that I can do so much worse. The wife. Does he care for her, do you think?”

Claudia swallowed hard, looked away, staring at the dirty gray lake water where it lapped against the wooden posts of the pier. “Yeah, he does.”

“Do you think the pretty nurse will think kindly of him when she learns he’s protecting a child murderer?”

She closed her eyes, looked vaguely ill. “He’s not dead.”

“Semantics, darling. Sweet Nadine was Michael Corinthos’ nurse. Did you know that? How fortunate for me, really. If he wants to keep his wife safe and maintain her good opinion of him, well, I suppose we’ll see what your little brother is made of, won’t we?”

Can’t change this feeling
I’m way out of touch
Can’t change this meaning
It means too much
Never been so lonely
Never felt so good
I can’t be the only one
Misunderstood
– Somebody Else’s Song, Lifehouse

---

Monday, October 20, 2008

General Hospital: Kate’s Room

“Careful—” Nadine held out her hands, one on either side of Kate, ready to brace the older woman in case she fell or lost her balance.

But Kate had been working hard in physical therapy for the last week, completing the last round only that morning, and though she was a little unsteady when she’d first stood up from the hospital bed, she was able to make the short distance between the bed and bathroom unaided.

Kate braced her hand on the door frame, took a careful breath, then flashed a smile at Nadine. “You’ll have to reassure Dr. Hunter that I’m perfectly capable of being discharged. I’m ready to get back to my life.” Her smile slipped briefly. “Such as it is.”

“I am definitely going to be giving you full marks — as soon as you can use the bathroom and get back in bed without my help. I’ll be right here if you need me,” Nadine said, and Kate nodded. She went into the small room, leaving the door only slightly ajar.

I’m ready to get back to my life. Such as it is.

Nadine couldn’t imagine what it would be like for Kate to leave the hospital, return to her work at Crimson, carry on as if…

Well, as if her entire world hadn’t been upended. She’d been shot on her wedding day, in and out of consciousness, and before she’d even really understood her injuries, Sonny had ended up two floors above them, comatose. What a difference a few days could make — Kate’s life had changed irrevocably, and so had Nadine’s.

She glanced down at the simple gold band she wore on her left hand, twisting it back and forth. Kate was the one who was supposed to be married, not Nadine—

“Enjoying the fruits of your lies?”

Nadine snapped her head up, wincing when she saw Maxie at the entrance of the room. “Maxie. I thought you were coming later—”

“Looking to ingratiate yourself with another wealthy patient?” the slender blonde demanded, stalking past Nadine and dumping the paper bag she held on to the hospital tray. “You might have replaced Lulu in Johnny’s bed, but don’t think you’ll be able to do the same with Kate—”

“Maxie.”

Both women turned to see Kate back in the doorway, a bit pale, but still on her feet. “I have to ask you not to aggravate the hospital staff. Nadine is here to do a job, nothing more and nothing less.”

Maxie looked as if she wanted to argue, but just threw Nadine a scorching glare before practically sprinting to Kate’s side. “Of course. I brought you a salad, and I also have proofs from the Karlie Kloss shoot — I think you’ll be very pleased. We don’t need you anymore,” she said to Nadine, hovering as Kate walked slowly to her bed.

“Of course. As soon as — ” Nadine watched as Kate reached the bed and sat down, wincing only slightly. “There we go. I’ll update Matt and I’m confident he’ll give you a discharge date. Enjoy your lunch and your visit.”

Drake Condo: Living Room

“I feel like one of the boats in the harbor,” Robin grunted as her mother helped her sit down on the sofa. She winced, and tried to smile at Elizabeth, seated in the armchair. “How do you deal with feeling like you’re suffocating from the inside out?”

Elizabeth made a face. “It’s awful, right? Their little legs and arms kicking, the somersaults—I felt like all my organs had to be squashed up under my lungs. Just terrible. It was worse with Jake — because he was moving less by the time I made it to my due date. I went early with Cam, so I didn’t know what to expect.”

“I didn’t know that. Was he a preemie?” Robin asked. She accepted the water her mother handed to her, then looked at Anna. “Cam is Liz’s oldest. He’ll be—what—five in May?”

“Five, yeah. And I guess technically he was a preemie but not by much, but he just had to spend a few nights in the NICU. He and Jake are only a week apart, birthday wise. I’m so glad that with everything else that happened with my delivery, Jake was very healthy. And that Kelly was on hand. You’re in excellent hands.”

“There’s no one I’d trust more than Kelly. You’ll meet her at the shower,” Robin told her mother. “But she was as cool as a cucumber with your case, Liz, so I know I’ll be okay.”

“Was your delivery particularly difficult?” Anna asked.

“I had placenta previa, grade three, the worst kind. And there were no symptoms — it just—” Elizabeth shuddered. “It just happened. I was alone at the house, and I could have bled out—” She looked down at her hands.

“But Jason found her, rushed her to the hospital,” Robin added, and Elizabeth looked up. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring it up—”

“No, I did. It’s just hard to think about. A lot was going on, but Kelly really was amazing. And well, I know Patrick has Nadine and a few of our best peds nurses on hand for the delivery.”

“I’m sure he’s pulling all the strings—” Robin rolled her eyes. “I’m just glad we have nurses left we can call the best. Other than you, I mean,” she told Liz.

Anna raised her brows. “Is there trouble with the nurses at GH? I remember their program was one of the best in the state — under your grandmother,” she said to Elizabeth.

“The new board closed our nursing program as one of their cost saving procedures,” Elizabeth said, bitterly. “Bobbie was forced into early retirement—I don’t care what she says, Robin. We both know she was pushed into taking the buyout. Epiphany’s doing the best she can, but—” She sighed. “It’s just been hard.”

“Cost-saving?” Anna pursed her lips. “Does this have anything to do with the chief before Patrick? You were never happy about him,” she said to Robin. “You said you had more than a few arguments with him.”

“It’s just hard,” Robin admitted. “I was used to Alan. He was just friendlier, you know? Warmer? Plus, he’d watched me grow up, and he’d been my doctor. And Liz, you were around the family all the time. Dr. Ford never wanted to get to know us. Which is fine, I guess.”

“Yeah, he was a lot colder than Alan, but I never felt like he was particularly bad at his job. It’s just—” Elizabeth hesitated. “Things were harder after Jolene.”

“Jolene?” Anna pressed when Elizabeth didn’t continue. “I don’t think I know that name—”

“You might remember what the papers called her,” Robin said. “The Angel Without Mercy? She was sabotaging patients last summer.” She rubbed her belly. “A medical group was trying to buy out General Hospital and wanted to drive down the prices. They paid her to screw with patient care—”

“And Jolene went further than they asked. Instead of just tanking patient care and staff morale, she killed patients. Lawsuits were filed, and board members resigned or sold their shares. The president of the hospital was fired, and the new one is an asshole,” Elizabeth said. She sighed. “I mean, I know it’s hit the hospital bad, and Patrick’s killing himself to work out of it. But closing the nursing program saved money short-term—”

“But long-term it’ll cripple the hospital. We used to have a pipeline for the best trained nurses in the state, and now—well, Liz, you probably know the problems better.”

“They bought out some of the older nurses — Bobbie, who was running the nursing program, and others like her that had been there for thirty years — the ones who make the most money.”

“Ah,” Anna nodded. “That’s quite typical, I’m afraid. When I was with the police department here in Port Charles, we had a budget shortfall and it’s always the older, more expensive officers who get the retirement packages. I’m so sorry to hear that the hospital is having such issues. I know you’ve always dreamed of working there, and well, your grandparents practically built it,” she said to Elizabeth.

“Gram was heartbroken when she found out. I really want to do something to bring it back, like maybe we can do a foundation or organize something like the Nurse’s Ball, you know?” Elizabeth said to Robin whose eyes lit up. “I just know my grandmother would be on board to help, and so would Bobbie. It would be an amazing morale boost for the nursing staff.”

“Oh, as soon as I pop out this baby—” Robin nodded. “We’ll get started. I’ve always wanted to do something big for the hospital, and this is my shot. We know people with money.” She brightened, looked at her mother. “So do you. I’m glad you’re going to be around so I can snag that little black book—”

“I’ll happily contribute to anyone who would be interested. I think it’s a lovely idea. But first—” She laid a hand on Robin’s belly, smiled when the baby kicked. “We need to finish planning your baby shower.”

General Hospital: Lobby

Johnny took a step towards the security desk only to turn in a circle and wander back to the wall where there was a large display about the history of the hospital, complete with pictures of the first building and a timeline of important events.

He made a study of reading it, telling himself when he reached the last event, he’d go to the desk and ask for a security pass to see Sonny Corinthos. And this time, he would actually do it.

Johnny had just reached the beginning of the sixties when he heard someone clearing their throat beside him. He jolted when he realized Nadine had joined him. “Oh. Uh, hey. Did you know the hospital opened its emergency room in 1963?”

Nadine lifted her brows, but then looked at the wall where he pointed. “Yeah, I did. Every time someone brings up Steve Hardy, it comes up. He’s revered here like a god. The security guard called me. Said they thought something was wrong. You’ve been here like half an hour, just loitering. Did something happen?”

“No. No.” Johnny folded his arms, continuing to stare at the wall. “I thought I’d come to see Sonny.”

There was silence next to him, and he sighed. “It’s a stupid idea, isn’t it? This is the last place I should be.”

“It’s not a stupid idea. I’m just surprised—”

“Because I shouldn’t be anywhere near him, I know.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t tell me. I could run interference, make sure that Carly doesn’t see you. She’s the only visitor he gets regularly,” Nadine added when Johnny finally looked at her. “His dad came in a few times, but he went back to Rochester last weekend.”

“You talked to his dad?”

“Yeah. He’s a nice guy. Didn’t seem surprised by where he found his son.” Nadine folded her arms. “Johnny, everyone who knows the truth — no one thinks it was on purpose. They know it was self-defense.”

“I know.”

“You were protecting me, too.”

“Yeah.”

“I know you try not to think about it very much, and that’s kind of how I deal with it when I’m not here. Because we were minding our business and someone tried to hurt us. It was him or us, Johnny.”

“Does that—” He looked at her briefly before focusing on the display again. “Does that work? Just telling yourself it was justified?”

“Most of the time. When I feel guilty again, I think about your trial, and the way the PCPD didn’t even bother to investigate what happened that night—”

“They could have if we’d gone to them, maybe. Maybe if we’d called them, if we’d told them—”

“Maybe Lulu would still be here,” Nadine finished, and Johnny flinched.

“That’s not what I meant—”

“No, but it’s true. Maybe. Or maybe Scott Baldwin would still go after Lulu. Maybe it’d be worse because he’d have focused entirely on her, and she’d get sick faster. Maybe you gave her more time,” she said gently. She touched his arm. “You did the best you could, Johnny. I know that. I wish you did—”

“Well, is this just so sweet.”

Johnny turned at the sound of a new voice and saw Maxie standing a few feet away, her face flushed, one hand fisted at her hip, the other clutching a purse so tightly her knuckles were white.  “Maxie—”

“You’ve got a lot of nerve flaunting yourself here, you son of a bitch.”

Kelly’s: Dining Room

Bobbie flicked pencil shavings from the ledger, glancing up briefly at the jingle of the bell. When she saw Alexis, she returned her attention to the books, only to look up a few moments later when she realized the other woman had stopped by her table.

“Can I help you?” Bobbie asked, lifting her head.

Alexis sat across from her, setting her purse in her lap. “I…I spoke with Sam this morning. I thought you might like an update if you hadn’t spoken with Lucky or Nikolas recently—”

“Why exactly is your daughter updating me about my niece?” Bobbie wanted to know. She laid down the pencil. “Could it be because Lulu’s worthless brothers won’t pick up the phone to call me after ignoring my messages?”

Alexis winced. “I suppose that could be part of it—”

“If Lulu had recovered, I’d know. Because she’d have kicked her brothers into the Pacific Ocean and hitchhiked home already. Or stolen Nikolas’s credit cards to book a first class flight. So—” Bobbie picked up the pencil. “And since that hasn’t happened, we won’t have to worry about trading information. Lulu is in the same condition Sonny is.”

Alexis pressed her lips together, looked away, and Bobbie sighed. She rubbed her forehead. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. That was a low blow, and unnecessary—”

“It’s all right. It’s not easy, I’m sure, knowing Lulu is so far away with only her brothers to look after her. And I’m sorry that they’re not calling you. It’s just—there is no change. She’s not worse,” Alexis added, “but she’s not better.”

Bobbie nodded, then sighed again. “I’ll get word to Luke. He’s…somewhere in Europe. Running as usual. I spoke to him when Lu got sick, but—well, he’s not in a hurry to come home and see her look the same as her mother. He never really got over that. My brother was great in a crisis — as long as it wasn’t personal,” she added.

Alexis smiled wryly. “Yes, he could be counted on to keep a cool head if no one he cared about were involved. And he always did better when there was something he could do. With this—”

“It’s in the hands of the medical doctors, which certainly isn’t easy. And that’s probably why Nikolas isn’t contacting me. But Lucky? Oh, if he’s smart, he’ll stay away from me and Port Charles a little longer. The way he walked out on those boys while Elizabeth was in surgery? Just dumped them on Audrey? That was despicable, and I do not want to hear that he was under a lot of pressure. Jason managed just fine while juggling Elizabeth’s care, Sonny’s situation, the boys, and God knows what else. But I don’t need to tell you that.”

“No, you don’t. You’d think it would affect my life more,” Alexis admitted. “But Sonny had curtailed visitation after what happened to Michael, and I was relieved at the time. Now—it’s so sad,” she murmured, “to wonder if the world is better off without him in it.”

General Hospital: Lobby

Nadine sighed, removed her hand from Johnny’s arm, then rubbed her temple. The last thing she needed was another run-in with Maxie today. “Maxie—”

“I guess I was wrong upstairs,” Maxie snarled. “Maybe you’re not on the lookout for your next victim—”

“Don’t let us keep you from your next shopping spree,” Johnny said, taking Nadine’s arm and heading towards the elevator, but the only way to do that was to pass the irate blonde who swung her bag just as Johnny came near her and it hit him in the chest. “Oof—knock it off, you crazy bitch—”

“How dare you talk to me like that! After everything—”

“After what?” Johnny demanded, releasing Nadine’s arm to face Maxie squarely. “Listen, you lunatic, you have no right to judge anyone, and you damn well know it. You think you’re so pure? So perfect? The stories Lu told me—”

“Shut up—” Maxie whacked him with her purse again and he snagged it from her before she could swing again. “Give that back—”

“Stop it—” Nadine hissed, yanking on Johnny’s arm. “Come on—” She winced when she saw the security guard approaching. “Johnny—”

“I’m going to have to ask you both to leave.” The guard stepped between them. “Give the lady back her purse, and Miss Jones—” the guard looked at the red-faced Maxie. “Stop committing assault with the purse, or you’ll have to explain it to the commissioner—”

Johnny held out the purse, and Maxie snatched it from him. She stalked towards the parking garage.

“Maybe you need to go out the front,” the guard told Johnny. “You can use the garage entrance from the street.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Johnny looked at Nadine. “I’ll see you at home.”

“Yeah, fine.” Nadine folded her arms, watched him leave. “Sorry,” she told the guard, who just rolled his eyes and headed back to his desk.

She dragged her hands through her hair, took a deep breath, then went back to work.

The sky glows
I see it shining when my eyes close
I hear your warnings but we both know
I’m gonna look at it again
Don’t wait, don’t wait
The road is now a sudden sea
And suddenly, you’re deep enough
To let your armor down
– Don’t Wait, Dashboard Confessional

---

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Nadine’s Apartment: Bedroom

Nadine retrieved the clothes she wanted from her dresser, then tried to close it as quietly as she’d opened it, glancing over her shoulder to see if any of her actions had disturbed Johnny.

But he was exactly as he’d been since she’d awakened two hours earlier — sprawled across one side of the double bed, laying on his stomach, still sleeping. Her nose twitched at that — she’d been awake at the first light and had already gone jogging, had a cup of coffee, showered and was now dressing for her shift that day — the last in her five-day rotation.

Nadine crept out of the bedroom, pulled the door closed, then changed into a pair of jeans and a T-shirt before looking through the fridge for something quick for breakfast. The first week of their marriage had gone relatively well, she thought — mostly because they only interacted for a few hours. She worked all day, and he slept through the morning. When she got home, it was usually some dinner, arguing over what to watch on television, and then going to bed.

And the bed part was still a terrible idea, Nadine thought, sliding the bagel slices in the toaster. Every time, she told herself that she really needed to be firmer in that whole let’s not complicate this thing—but it was nice, Nadine thought, to have company, and she could finally acknowledge that she’d been a little lonely since moving to Port Charles.

Eventually they’d start irritating each other — she’d be off for a few days, and they’d have to figure out what to do with themselves without work to break up the monotony.

But for right now, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world to have someone to come home to, and she decided to enjoy it for as long it lasted.

Coffee House: Office

Jason scrawled his name at the bottom of a contract, then shoved it across the desk at Diane, his attention already moving to Cody, waiting somewhat impatiently.

“This should be the last of what the city needs to issue the permits,” Diane told him, sliding the paperwork into her bag. “But if it’s not—”

“I’m not having one more meeting,” Jason said with a scowl. “No more politicians, Diane. That’s the end of it—”

“You have made yourself entirely too clear,” Diane said, but Jason didn’t miss the roll of her eyes as she turned away. “Good luck with him, he’s in a rotten mood.”

“I’ll keep that in mind—” Cody walked her to the door, then looked back to Jason. “Are you really in a bad mood or did that stack of contracts put you in one?”

“The council keeps putting up roadblocks. Every time she comes here, it’s another problem—” Jason shook his head, tossed the pencil aside. “But I don’t have a lot of time,” he told his lieutenant, glancing at the clock. “So I hope you don’t have bad news.”

“I don’t, just an update from our guy at the PCPD which I confirmed with your friend in the DEA. Karpov has his hands full fighting the government — they did a civil forfeiture on the entire ship. I don’t like the guy, but that’s a hell of a thing to fight, especially as a foreign national with a shady past. He’ll be buried in paperwork until the end of time.”

“Good.” Jason shoved back from the desk. “And he won’t want to come at me with that heat on him. That’s not the only property I can tie up for a few years.”

“It’s not the solution I was expecting, but it did the job without any violence or damage that keeps the PCPD on our ass.” Cody rocked back on his heels, watched Jason pick his jacket up from the sofa. “We’re just about done the security upgrades on Mrs. Hardy’s house, so when she heads home, her place will be as secure as the Towers. We’re going to start on the Lexington Street house next.”

“Good.” Jason shrugged into his jacket. “Elizabeth’s still on concussion protocol for a few more weeks, so Mrs. Hardy is staying with us. But we’ll both feel better if her grandmother’s place is safe once she goes home.”

“Yeah, no problem. When she heads home, we’ll get a rotation of guys on her place. Any idea when that’s happening?” Cody followed Jason as he headed down the back hallway to reach the exit to the rear parking lot.

“I don’t know. That’s up to Elizabeth. Maybe through the holidays. Karpov hasn’t even been gone a week.” Jason hesitated at the door of the SUV, considering the question. Karpov wasn’t the only worry on his mind, although things had been quiet the last few days. Anthony Zacchara remained a threat. They hadn’t dealt with one another much before the Black and White Ball, but things were different now. Anthony’s hold on reality was tenuous, and Johnny’s marriage tied him to Port Charles for the long-term.

And Anthony was unpredictable in ways that couldn’t be measured.

“I don’t know,” Jason repeated finally. “But I want the house ready as soon as possible. Having somewhere safe that the boys are familiar with is preferable to a safehouse they’ve never seen.” He needed to make sure even those were outfitted for Cam and Jake if the worst happened. “Is that it, because—”

“Just Greystone.”

Jason’s hand gripped the edge of the door, grimacing. But when he turned back to Cody, his face was expressionless. “What about it?”

“Max has been keeping the place running — the housekeeper is live-in, there’s gardeners and a rotation of guards.”

“Right.” Jason exhaled slowly. Sonny didn’t live in a penthouse with occasional maid service. He’d bought an estate that rivaled the Quartermaines. “For right now, tell Max to keep everything like it is. If Francis can use the guards somewhere else, fine. I have to go.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s everything. See you tomorrow.”

Cody stepped back, watched Jason climb into the SUV, then back out of the parking lot. If anyone had told him a few weeks ago, he’d be trying to fit in meetings around Jason Morgan picking up and dropping a four-year-old at some school, Cody wouldn’t have believed him.

But every day for the last week, Jason broke off whatever he was doing, rain or shine, and trotted off to sit in a preschool pick up line. Cody snorted, then shook his head and headed back inside.

Morgan Penthouse: Hallway

“I could have done that,” Elizabeth complained, leaning against the door frame watching Audrey put laundry away in the dresser the boys were sharing. “I’m not on permanent bed rest, you know.”

“But you are still on concussion protocol, my darling, so—” Audrey lifted the empty basket, rested it against her hip. “Let me spoil you a little longer. Who knows how long I’ll be able to be as active as I am today?”

“That’s a low blow,” Elizabeth muttered, trailing after her grandmother down the stairs. “You’ll out last us all—”

At the foot of the stairs, Audrey turned to look at her with raised brows. “Are we quite done with our tantrum? My, it’s as if we’ve turned back the clock a decade or more and I’m asking you to make your bed. Is it really so awful to let me take on a few household chores while you recuperate? Wasn’t that the purpose of asking me to stay here?”

“Yes, but—” Elizabeth wrinkled her nose, then sighed. “You’re right, you’re right. I’m being a giant baby. It’s just—I’m not used to this—”

“You should be.” Audrey set the empty basket on the floor, folded her arms. “You should be used to relying on someone to take care of you when you’re not feeling well. To pick up the slack. But you decided a long time ago that you couldn’t depend on anyone but yourself and I suppose asking you to break that habit in a week is unrealistic.”

Elizabeth remained on the landing, resting her hand on the low wall.  “It’s not a decision I made, Gram. It’s what was true. I couldn’t rely on anyone. Lucky died, and even when he was around, he was the one depending on me. You refused to let me grow up. Jason wouldn’t stay and let me make my own choices. Nikolas wouldn’t accept that I could choose my own friends. And Emily was always in the middle of her own crises. Let’s not get started with Ric or my family. I didn’t decide that I couldn’t ask for help. No one decides that. They get let down repeatedly until they learn to stop asking.”

Audrey pressed her lips together, looking away. “I suppose that’s fair—”

“And I am beyond grateful that you’ve come to stay here. That you love my boys the way you do. That you’re giving Jason another chance — no, that you’re giving him his first chance to show you who he really is. But give me a break, okay? It’s not easy to throw out a lifetime of experience overnight.”

“Yes, but—”

“Because you won’t be here forever, Gram. You’ll go back to your house and your life. And Jason can’t possibly pull double duty with drop off and pick up forever. That’s not how life works. You’re both overcompensating, and you know it. So stop acting like there’s something wrong with me because I don’t want to get used to something that won’t last.”

As she spoke, the door behind her opened and Cameron bounced in, Jason on his heels, one hand gripping the doorknob, the other holding Cameron’s discarded backpack. And the expression on his face told Elizabeth that he’d heard her.

Patrick’s Condo: Living Room

Patrick barely grunted when Robin set the pizza box in the middle of the table, his head bowed over a stack of paperwork that included the budget, reports from Risk Management, patient charts, and everything else he’d dragged out. No matter what he seemed to do, the to-do pile just seemed to keep growing and growing.

“I’m not hungry,” he said, then looked up again, frowning at the pizza box. “Again?”

“You were supposed to come home early and make pasta.” Robin dropped a slice of pizza on her plate, then lowered herself into the chair across from him. “But then there was an emergency, and well—” She rubbed her belly. “The baby wanted pizza.”

Patrick winced, then sat back, dropping his pen on the table. “I forgot. Damn it.”

“It’s okay. I like pizza. The house Maxie and I looked at today is two blocks from Mama Mangione’s. Oh, and across the street from Liz on Lexington.”

“Oh.” He furrowed his brow. “That’s the two-story colonial right? You liked that even before you went to see it.”

“Yeah, and, well, I forgive you for not coming home early if you forgive me for putting in an offer.” When Patrick just stared at her, Robin shrugged. “You told me you didn’t care. I can call the agent—”

“No. No. That’s fine—” He put his head in his hands. “I’m sorry. I’m leaving all the important stuff up to you, and—”

“Patrick.” When he looked up, she continued, “We can’t keep going on like this. Not because I can’t handle it. I can. I can buy a house without you. I can cook dinner—or dial—I can do these things, and it doesn’t bother me. But you are literally trying to be everything to everyone and it’s just not possible. You know that, don’t you?”

“I—” Patrick fiddled with his pen. “I should be able to do this. I watched Alan do both jobs like it didn’t even faze him—”

“After years of practice. He also wasn’t always the best at the job,” Robin told him. “You can’t measure yourself by Alan. What the hospital is facing right now — cleaning up after a nurse who killed her parents, the threat of losing our accreditation, it’s so much pressure, and instead of taking it seriously, the board just seems to keep cutting our feet from under us.”

He rubbed his cheek. “The nursing staff is a disaster. Even without the dispensary machines. We’re short-staffed, and the loss of the nursing program is crippling us. We’re not keeping up with research, so we can’t attract grants or medical staff. I don’t know how to fix any of this.”

“One step at a time,” Robin said. “First, you actually don’t have to read everything. You have an assistant. Let her be the gatekeeper and only the most important things end up on your desk. And the nursing situation—” She pressed her lips together. “I don’t know. It’s a bigger problem than just you. Let’s just focus on getting through the here and now. Let’s eat our pizza, talk about the house, and—”

She broke off at the sound of a knock on the door. Patrick held up a hand. “I got it. Knowing my luck, it’s more bad news.”

When he pulled open the door, it took him a minute to process who he found on the other side. “Anna?”

“What?” Robin pulled herself to her feet, and then squealed, barreling past Patrick, knocking him out of the way. “Mom!” She threw her arms around her mother, beaming.

Patrick rubbed his shoulder. “Hey, Anna. It’s good to see you.”

“You, too. And look at you—” Anna laid a hand on Robin’s belly. “There’s my precious little girl. Oh, she’s awake and kicking!”

“You’re not kidding,” Robin said with a roll of her eyes. “It really is so great to see you. Please tell me you can stay for a few days! I’m looking at houses this week, and it’d be great to have your opinion—”

Anna wrapped her arm around Robin’s shoulders and squeezed. “Well then, you’ll be happy to hear that I’ll be in Port Charles for the foreseeable future.”

Robin’s eyes lit up. “Really? You’ll be here when the baby is born?”

“I’ve missed so much of your life, my darling girl.” Anna hugged Robin again. “I couldn’t bear to miss another moment. As long as Patrick doesn’t mind me hanging around—” She looked at Patrick, her eyes raised expectantly.

Patrick furrowed his brow. “No, no. I mean, we don’t have a second room right now—”

“I’m staying with Mac, so don’t worry about anything. I’m just here to lend a hand and spend some time with my daughter.”

“This is the best news I could have gotten,” Robin told her. “You’re really here, and you’re not going anywhere?”

“No where else I’d rather be.”

Zacchara Estate: Terrace

Claudia leaned against the low stone terrace, a glass of wine in one hand and a cigarette in the other. She ignored the sound of the doors opening behind her, and the footsteps against the flag stones until Ric sidled up next to her.

“Those things will kill you,” he told her, sipping from a tumbler of bourbon.

“Someone who expects to live a long life might care—” She exhaled a long thin stream of smoke in his face and he grimaced. “But we both know reaching fifty isn’t normal in this world. Look at your brother.”

Ric pressed his lips together, then looked out over the view. “He could wake up.”

She snorted, took another drag. “Okay. I didn’t know we were exchanging fantasies. I could tell you one about tying you to my headboard—” When he just scowled at her, Claudia shrugged a shoulder. “Did you have a point in coming out here or did you just want to bother me?”

“Things have settled down,” Ric said. “It’s been almost two weeks since what happened to Kate. A week since Sonny.” He paused. “Since your brother got married and moved out. He hasn’t come back once.”

“No, he hasn’t. You wanna take bets how long my father puts up with that before taking action? I could put fifty—”

“I’m serious, Claudia. When your father gets anxious, he tends to make it everyone’s problem,” Ric cut in. “The last time he threatened to snatch one of Jason’s kids—”

“Hey, hey, give him some credit. He was just gonna take the bastard, not the actual heir to Daddy’s throne.”

“I don’t know why I bother with you,” Ric muttered. “You’re incapable of taking anything seriously—”

She released another stream of smoke in his face, smirked. “And you take everything too seriously, Ric. You’re so busy trying to be six steps in front of everyone that you can’t enjoy the here and now. Like you said, things are quiet. Jason made his deal with the devil, didn’t he? John put Sonny in a coma, but since Jason wants those rugrats to keep breathing, he’s not gonna do a damn thing about it.”

“What about your father? We don’t know what he’s planning—”

“What makes you so sure he’s planning anything?”

“Why arrange to have Kate shot if he wasn’t going to do anything about it?” Ric demanded. When Claudia looked away, he nodded. “Good. You’re not denying it—”

“Look, all I know is that my father didn’t pull the trigger, okay?” Claudia dropped the cigarette, ground it out with her heel. “He’s in a wheelchair, so the damage he can do is limited to the power he wields, and that goes through your father, not mine. So whatever Daddy wants to do, it usually has Trevor’s seal of approval.”

“Don’t remind me,” he muttered, then dragged a hand through his hair, disheveling the dark locks. “Your father doesn’t do anything in small measures. You know what he was planning to do if Johnny didn’t check in on Anthony’s arbitrary schedule.”

Claudia wrinkled her nose. “He was just going to take the kid for a few hours. You act like he was going to do something ruthless. If Daddy was serious, he’d have taken the little one. Or the nurse.”

“Are you kidding me? You’ve come into contact with Jason. You saw him after Michael went into that coma. What do you think would have happened if Anthony had kidnapped Cameron?”

She pressed her lips together, considering the question. “You have to understand. My father wouldn’t have seen it as a terrible thing. He doesn’t—he doesn’t value people the way others do. The older kid isn’t Jason’s biological kid. No blood involved.”

“That shouldn’t matter—”

“To Jason, no, and maybe a lot of people. But my father? He’d see it like grabbing a nephew or a cousin. A warning shot. Look at how close I can get to you.” Claudia set her wine on the ledge, dug out the pack of cigarettes from her pocket. “He wouldn’t have hurt the kid. Not the first time.”

“You can’t think that matters—”

She lit the cigarette, rolling her eyes. “I’m sorry, but didn’t you kidnap a pregnant woman and threaten to kill her and take her baby?” Claudia demanded. “You’re going to stand there in moral outrage over this? Are you serious—” Her brows lifted. “Oh. Oh, no it’s not morality you’re protesting. It’s who my father would have hurt. The nurse used to be your wife—”

“That has nothing to do with it—”

“Sure.” She smirked, took another drag. “You were around when she was pregnant—that’s when you got divorced, isn’t it? Did she cheat on you, Ricky?” Claudia stepped closer to him, her eyes dancing with glee. “Is that why it fell apart?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ric said finally, his tone tight and controlled. “I’m just cautioning you not to play around with Elizabeth’s children. Jason accepted Ian Devlin as Michael’s shooter because he needed it to be true. But you open that door again, you’re not going to like what’s on the other side.”

Claudia’s smile fell. “What does that mean?”

“Your secrets, Claudia, aren’t as safe as you think they are. So you had better hope that your father doesn’t do anything stupid and doom us all.”

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

They hadn’t spoken alone all evening — there hadn’t been a chance with Cameron full of news and excitement about a spelling contest he’d won. Then Jake had woken from his nap, and the afternoon had just gotten away from her —

But it weighed on Elizabeth that Jason might have heard what she’d said to her grandmother and internalized it as criticism. They’d come a long way since that night he’d nearly walked out on her, when they’d had that terrible fight. But that didn’t mean everything had been resolved. It had only been a week.

He still wasn’t talking a lot about Sonny — or going to see him — and she was still hesitant to believe that everything that had happened in the last few weeks would stick.

So she waited until dinner was over, until Spinelli had left to spend the night with Maxie, and they’d tucked the boys in. That was new, too, Elizabeth thought. Jason being there at night, keeping a boisterous Cameron from waking up Jake who went to sleep earlier. Jason sat in the living room while Cameron played, showing Jason every single item in their toy box, making up a new story to act out with his superhero figurines and assigning roles to Jason who did his best to play them out.

The first time they’d done this, Elizabeth had watched with fascination as tough, gruff Jason Morgan pretended to play the role of Deadpool and accepted every critique and suggestion from her four-year-old son. Cameron was patient with Jason, and seemed to almost pity the older man who had explained he didn’t remember playing as a kid because of his accident.

The second night, she’d reached for her sketch pad, and now by the fifth time she’d watched Jason make a much better impression of the comic book hero than she’d ever managed, she’d filled more than half of her pad. Her fingers itched for her watercolors, something that hadn’t happened in months. Maybe longer.

But too soon, the clock struck eight, and Cameron reluctantly cleaned up, piling the toys back in the box. Audrey remained downstairs to watch television, and Jason and Elizabeth headed up the stairs with Cameron to wash and get ready for bed.

At every step, Cameron tried his usual tricks. He was four and half now, he’d told them. The half was important, so he should be able to stay up a half hour later. And he needed to tell them something else that happened in school, and the funny thing he’d watched on television, and—

But soon enough, Cameron was tucked away in bed, falling asleep almost before Elizabeth had reached the second page of their Percy Jackson book. She set the book on the table between the bed and the crib, smoothed the blanket over him, then kissed his cheek.

She found Jason lingering in the hallway, just as he had every night for the last week, and the guilt washed over again.

“Hey, do you—” Elizabeth bit her lip. “Do you have to go out or anything—”

“No.” Jason seemed hesitant, too, and this wasn’t new either. When the boys were around, they seemed sure of themselves. She knew how to be a mother, and he was rediscovering fatherhood—

But being in a relationship? That was harder. She remembered Bobbie’s advice to her. They’d never really done the relationship thing, and now they’d jumped headfirst into living together, being a family — if she was feeling unsure about everything, maybe he felt the same.

“Then we have a little time for you and me.” She took his hand and tugged him gently — she didn’t have to try very hard. He followed her inside the bedroom and watched as she closed the door.

“If I ask how you’re feeling, am I going to be in trouble?” Jason asked.

Elizabeth looked at him, then tipped her head to the side and smiled. “No. I’m okay. Sore. A little tired. I’m definitely pushing too hard to get back to normal, and it does help that you and Gram are doing so much of the heavy lifting, even if I complain about it. I haven’t had a headache today, so that’s a good sign.”

“Good.” He exhaled on a short breath. “Good. Uh, was there something you wanted to talk about?”

“Yeah, but first—” She leaned up on her toes and kissed him, lightly at first, her hands resting at his collarbone. His hands came up, framing her face, careful to avoid the bruise still healing along her cheek bone. The embrace deepened, her hands sliding under his arms, wrapping around his shoulders.

“Can’t believe I get to share a bed with you every night and all I get to do is sleep,” she said, pulling back with a sigh.

Jason’s laugh spread over her, warming all of her like a hot chocolate. “It’s okay. I like waking up next to you.” He kissed the tip of her nose, then led her over to the large armchair by the window. He pulled her down with him, carefully to avoid the healing wound from her surgery. She leaned into his arms. “If you’re worried about earlier,” he said, his breath fluttering the hair at her temple, “it’s okay.”

“I was just—”

“Saying how you feel. It’s okay.”

“I saw your face.” Elizabeth sat up slightly so that their eyes met. “You didn’t look like it was okay.”

“I…” Jason faltered then tipped his head back. “Okay. Maybe in the moment. But you know, I’ve had a few hours to think. And you’re not wrong. I won’t be able to pick Cameron up every day. Or drop him off. There will be days when it’s you. Or maybe we can work something out with Carly. She’s tried to spend more time with Morgan since last spring. But right now, I can make it happen, and I like doing it.”

“Really? It’s usually the bane of my existence.”

“I like the extra time with Cameron,” Jason said, and she fell silent. “He talks like you do. Anything and everything that pops in his head. The way you used to,” he corrected softly. “When we first met. Before you started weighing every word and worrying if it would hurt someone.”

“You do that, too.”

“Yeah, I know.” Jason picked up her hand, traced a pattern in her palm. “I thought about what we talked about the other night. About how I’m waiting for you to go, and you’re waiting for me to let you. That’s not something we fix in a week.”

“No.” Pressure built behind her eyes and she closed them. “But I want to.”

“One day at a time. It’s all we can do. One moment.”

“Things happen fast,” she said. “But you have to live through them slow. You told me that once, a long time ago. Do you remember?”

“I remember everything,” he told her, and she smiled. She touched his lips with the tips of her fingers.

“We’re going to be okay, you and me. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

PCPD: Commissioner’s Office

Mac glanced up at the light knock on the door frame, then grinned. “Well, where did you come from?”

“A stork brought me,” Anna said, stepping inside. “What are you doing at work so late?” She closed the door.

“Too much paperwork,” Mac complained, rising from his desk, and coming around to embrace his former sister-in-law. “You’re here to see Robin?”

“Yes, I’ve just come from the condo. I told her I’d be using your guest room so she wouldn’t worry about me, I hope that’s all right.”

“Of course, of course. Any time. The house has been empty—” Mac’s expression faltered and he looked down, took a deep breath. “Anyway, plenty of room. How long are you staying?”

“Well, hopefully long enough to meet my granddaughter,” Anna said, “though that depends on you.”

“On me?”

“Yes. I’m hoping you’ll bring me up to date on everything you know about Jason Morgan and Andrei Karpov.”