Written in 56 minutes.

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Elizabeth’s Studio

Maybe we’re not meant to hold to it.

He probably shouldn’t have touched her again. Common sense and rational thought always seemed to short-circuit the minute his hands were on her soft skin, the taste of her on his tongue—

Jason didn’t want to stop kissing her, didn’t want to stop touching her—his hands slid down to her hips, and he started to back her to the sofa, her fingers at the hem of his shirt, and he knew that everything would just go away if he never stopped, if the sensations just went on forever—

And then a cold rush of air swept over him—Elizabeth pressed her hands against his chest, pushed instead of pulled and he was thrust back into the real world, nearly panting. “Elizabeth—”

“She’s still wearing your ring,” Elizabeth managed, her lashes lush with the tears clinging to them. “This isn’t who you are. This isn’t who I am. I don’t want to be these people, Jason. Okay?” She pressed her fingers to her mouth—they were trembling, and it all rushed back to him.

When it was just them, when he didn’t think about anything about her and the way she made him feel—it was easy to think it would be easy.

But it wasn’t just them.

Jason swallowed hard. “I’m sorry—”

“For what?” Elizabeth looked at him, misery etched in every line of her expression. “For kissing me? For having the keys to the room, for not stopping? What are you sorry for?”

The answer should be all of it, but it wasn’t. And wasn’t that the real crime? He took a deep breath. “For making you cry. Not the rest of it.”

She closed her eyes, but tears continued. She wrapped her arms around her torso, her shoulders stiff. “We should be sorry. Shouldn’t we? For all of it.”

“Yes.”

“I stood there holding a pot of coffee,” she said, her voice soft. “And she told me she understood. That you chose her over and over again, and she’s right—” And now she looked at him. “You chose her. To see in secret. To build a life with. And I wish I could be angry about that. I wish I could rage—that I could hold on to that as evidence that I don’t matter—”

“That’s not true—”

“I know. I know.” Her lips curved in a smile, but her eyes remained shattered. “You chose her, Jason, because I never chose you. I ran when I should have stayed. I threw angry words at you over and over again, words you never deserved—”

“Elizabeth.” He took a hesitant step towards her, relieved when she didn’t move back again. “It’s not like that—”

“I’m not angry with you because you didn’t break up with Courtney this morning. And if you go home, and you see her, and you still don’t—” Elizabeth drew in a shaky breath. “I won’t be angry if you decide to stay.”

He dragged a hand down his face. “Why not? I promised you—”

“But you promised her first, and I know you, Jason. I pretend I don’t, but I do. You weren’t lying when you asked her to marry you. You meant it. And you would have married her that night in June. You looked in her eyes this morning, Jason, and you remembered that.” She tipped her head. “You wouldn’t be the man I loved if you could make those kind of promises and throw them away easily.”

The soft declaration hung between them, and Jason wanted to offer the words back to her. He wanted to tell her that he’d loved her for so long that it was simply part of his soul, a piece of his identity that would always belong to her, that he’d always be in this room with her, teasing her about soup and singing and paper chains and picking splinters out of her skin and standing by a window—

“I did mean them—” Jason said carefully. But then he stopped because he didn’t know what else to add. He meant them in May. In June. July. August. Did he mean them today? He didn’t know the answer to that.

“She said something else,” Elizabeth said finally. Their eyes met. “She chose you because she knew you were worth fighting for. That I didn’t fight for you. I didn’t. You know that. I don’t know why.” She sighed, rubbed her mouth. “I spent so many years fighting for Lucky, so determined to hold on to that dream. Maybe I just didn’t have it in me to keep going. To keep battling for my place in someone else’s life. Even if I don’t think I would have had to fight very hard.”

She bit her lip, then nodded. Squared her shoulders, looked at him again. “I don’t know what’s in your heart, Jason. Maybe you don’t either. That’s okay. I…I can wait. For you to be sure. Whether it’s with her, or with me—” She smiled, and it looked almost genuine this time. “Either way, you’re what matters. I want you to be happy. Wherever that takes you. If it’s me, then, okay. But really, if it’s with Courtney, then I’ll wish you well.”

He stared at her, a bit thrown. Confused. He didn’t know what he’d expected from this conversation. Maybe anger that he hadn’t kept his promise, or an ultimatum — a clear path forward, Jason thought. He’d wanted her to give him a direction, and she hadn’t.

She was placing the choice in his hands, the way he’d always done for her. It was her life that would change if he’d kissed her that day in his room at Jake’s. In the park. And if she didn’t want it, if she wasn’t ready, then it was better to never know what it would feel like to hold her. He didn’t want just a piece, he’d wanted everything, and she hadn’t been ready to give it to him.

Now—now, she was doing the same to him, and he wondered if she’d been as frustrated as he was not to have someone else make the choice for him.

“I should go,” Jason said finally. “I—”

“It’s okay.” Elizabeth raised her hands to her face, wiping at her tears with her index fingers. She walked past him, pulled the door open. “It is. I promise. Um, you said something to me once a few years ago that I really needed to hear…” They stood close, separated by a few physical inches, though it felt like an ocean between them. “I won’t come to you, but if you come to me, I won’t turn you away.”

He smiled now, shook his head. “You were mad at me when I said that.”

“I know. Because I knew even though I should stay away from you, I wouldn’t be able to.” She leaned her cheek against the edge of the door. “Maybe I’m hoping for a better ending this time.”

Jason touched her cheek, the pad of his thumb catching another tear. She closed her eyes, leaned into his touch. “You should go.”

“I know.” Reluctantly, he dropped his hand and went into the hallway. The door closed behind him, and he heard the locks a moment later. Jason rested his hand against the door, took a deep breath, and left.

Morgan Penthouse: Living Room

Courtney was on the sofa when Jason returned, curled up with the remote in her hand and something on th screen in front of her. When he came through the door, she switched it off, looked at him.

“I spent last night with Elizabeth,” Jason said, and Courtney sighed. She swung her legs to the ground, stood. “At Jake’s. In bed.”

“Did you think I needed to hear that confirmed—”

“No, but I needed to say it.” Jason set his keys on the desk, and looked at her. Her hands rested limply at her side. “You went to see Elizabeth. You told her that we’d talked. We haven’t.”

“She works fast,” Courtney said. She folded her arms. “How quick did she have you on the phone to cry about it—”

“I ran into her at the hospital. Visiting Emily.”

“Okay, so I told her we talked. We did. And you told me everything I needed to know when you came in and went upstairs. You chose me. Didn’t you?” Courtney lifted her brows. “Because if you’d wanted this ring, all you’d have to do is ask—in fact—” She twisted it from her finger. Set it on the desk. “There you go. I’ll make it easy. You decide if I get to keep that.”

Jason stared at it — the little circlet of gold with the diamond stone setting. He’d picked it out with Carly after she’d suggested marriage. He probably wouldn’t have thought of it on his own — it had only been a few months, after all. But Courtney had stuck with him through the worst of what his life had to offer, and she’d never flinched. She loved him anyway, and so he’d thought it was a good idea. He’d taken Carly to the jewelry store and she’d pointed out a few options.

He’d bought the one that he liked, brought it home and he’d proposed. And Courtney had been happy — so had he, Jason acknowledged, because it was nice to come home to someone who loved you and didn’t always constantly demand more.

Jason picked up the ring, turned it over in his hand. Did he want her to have this back? Did he want the life that ring promised?

He didn’t know the answer to that anymore. It wasn’t the yes it had been a few months ago. It wasn’t the no it had been this morning, standing in the hallway outside Elizabeth’s studio.

He set it back on the desk. “You can do whatever you want with that,” Jason said finally, and Courtney’s eyes darkened. “It’s yours, no matter what happens here.”

She pursed her lips, picked it up, slid it back on her her finger. “I suppose I should be grateful that you didn’t just say no, right? Did you even think about me?” she asked abruptly, her eyes flashing to his. “Last night. When you were screwing another woman, did I even enter your consciousness?”

“No,” Jason said, and she closed her eyes, absorbed that. “I didn’t plan it. It happened—”

“Don’t—don’t say that—you’re a deliberate man, Jason. You don’t act on impulse, okay? I know that. So—” Courtney grimaced, looked away. “Are you sorry? Do you wish it hadn’t happened?” Her gaze snapped back. “And don’t lie. I’ll know.”

“No, I don’t wish I hadn’t happened. And I’m not—I’m not sorry.  Not the way you want me to be.”

She nodded. “No regrets? Not even one?” Courtney laughed, a shaky sound without an ounce of mirth. “Wow. Okay, well I asked, didn’t I? Serves me right. Okay, fine. Was it good?” Her eyes squinted into little slits. “Was it everything you’d ever wanted it to be?”

“Don’t—don’t do this—”

“No, I think I get to interrogate you a little bit, Jason. You asked me to marry you,” she spat. “And you spent the night with another woman—not just some whore you picked up in a bar — but Elizabeth. Your ex—God, whatever she is. Ex-girlfriend, ex-friend, ex-crush, I don’t know. Pick a word and go with it. But you don’t get to stand there and tell me I can’t ask for whatever details I damn well please.”

Jason knew he deserved this — knew that the anger and hurt were valid, and that every piece of it was earned. But it didn’t make any of this easier.

“So what happens now?” Courtney demanded. “You didn’t take the ring back. So you still want to marry me? Am I just supposed to put up with the idea that maybe every few years you and Elizabeth will circle back to each other, no matter who you’re involved with? Oh, you think I don’t know about that?” she retorted when Jason frowned at her. “Carly told me how Elizabeth played you like a violin a few years ago, when she had you and Lucky Spencer on the hook, making you fight over her—”

“That’s not what happened—”

“Well, whatever. It’s not going to happen this time. I told Elizabeth what she needed to know. That as long as I’m in the picture, she needs to keep her hands to herself. I don’t think it’s out of line, do you?”

Maybe not, but everything inside of Jason said it had been more than that — but unlike Courtney, he wasn’t going to keep pushing. “Courtney—”

“You didn’t answer my question. What happens now? Do you want to be with her? Do you want to leave me? After everything we’ve been through?” Her voice faltered, and she swallowed hard. “Because, let me tell you, this is some bullshit if you leave me now and go to her. I had a miscarriage less than a month ago, and I found out I can’t have kids, and you didn’t even so much as blink when I told you—”

“Courtney—”

“Can you say anything other than my name!” she broke in, her voice rising to almost hysterical pitch. “Because that’s what this is! You and I both know it! You love kids. Christ, look at how much you’ve let Sonny and Carly push you around because of Michael — you want kids of your own, and I can’t give them to you, but I bet she can, huh?”

“That has nothing to do with it—”

“The only thing that’s changed between us is that I can’t have any children,” Courtney shot back. “That’s it. So if it’s not that, then maybe you never loved me at all. Maybe you were just settling because Elizabeth didn’t want you. What makes you think she’ll stay this time?” she charged.

None of this was going the way he wanted it to, and he didn’t know how to tell her that her ability to have kids had never even entered his consciousness, but —

“How can you throw away everything we’ve been to each other? Did it mean anything to you? Do I mean anything to you?” Courtney begged, and now she was sobbing, holding her hands to her mouth. “Was I just a warm body—”

Jason closed the distance between them, and took her in his arms as she broke down, her tears warm against his neck. “No, no, that’s not true. None of it—”

“Then tell me you love me, okay? Tell me—tell me right now and I’ll believe it—” Courtney pulled away, fisted her hands in his shirt. “Tell me, Jason, and we’ll just forget all of this ever happened. I won’t ever bring it up again—”

“I—”

There was a frantic knocking at the door, and Jason turned, releasing Courtney and going to the door. As soon as he’d done that, the screaming and yelling could be heard. Jason winced. Not again.

Max stood there, grim. “I heard glass breaking, and Mrs. C is pretty upset. I think you’d better get over there.”

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