Written in 60 minutes.

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February 2000

The sting of bitter cold slapped at her cheeks and froze the few tears Elizabeth had let escape. Behind her, the back door to Kelly’s swung closed, and she leaned against the brick wall, closed her eyes.

…they’ll see who you really are and leave you, too…

…your family did…

She heard the door again, and sighed. “I’m fine, Emily. Go back inside.”

“She went after Lucky,” a familiar, but much deeper voice said, and Elizabeth’s flew open to see Jason standing awkwardly in front of her, his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I was going to but I think she knew I was going to throw him in the lake.” He squinted. “Not that I’d put that past her, honestly, so maybe he’s not safer with her.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, but smiled. She straightened away from the wall and flicked away the remaining tears clinging to her lashes. “I’m okay. Really.”

“You don’t have to say that. And don’t listen to that idiot. He knows he screwed up, and he—”

“Wants to make me feel as bad as he does.  Yeah, I’m familiar with the trick. I told you, I’m fine. And honestly—” She folded her arms. “Aren’t you a little tired of always coming to my rescue?”

“Always is a strong word,” Jason said after a minute. “And I don’t think a few rides home really counts as a rescue.”

“That’s because you’re not standing on this side,” Elizabeth replied. “And I know I’m tired of it. I feel like every time I see you, it’s about Lucky, and how he’s disappointed me this time—and that should have been a clue, I guess.” She nibbled on her bottom lip. “It’s just…it’s not that he wants me to feel bad. That’s standard, I guess, for breakups, though this is my first so what do I know? It’s…how he did it.” Their  eyes met. “He took something I told him in confidence—and he used it to hurt me. He keeps doing that, and it just—it makes me doubt everything I ever knew. Everything I thought we were. And I hate that. I hate that every time he’s cruel, I wonder if I was just imagining all the good parts. I hate that he’s making me doubt myself.”

Jason opened his mouth, but Elizabeth continued, “But it’s a choice, right? I could choose to listen to him, to believe him, and maybe I’d feel bad enough to take him back. But I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to believe that I don’t deserve something better. I almost did. But you wouldn’t let me, and you were right. You were right, and I’m done feeling bad about Lucky Spencer. And I’m really done making it your problem.”

“I made it my problem,” Jason said, reluctantly, but the corner of his mouth had quirked up in a slight smile. “I followed you, remember?”

“And it’s freezing out. I know you said you don’t feel the cold, but I do, so I’m going back to work. Thank you. But this is the last time you have to watch me cry over him.” Elizabeth pulled open the door, held it for him to go in first. “He doesn’t get anymore tears.”

“That’s good.” Jason placed his hand flat against the door, holding it open, and she rolled her eyes. She released her grip on the edge of the door, and went into the kitchen.

—

Emily caught up to Lucky just as he had his hand on the handle of the car door. She grabbed his arm and flung him against the back door. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

Behind her, Juan skidded to a stop but stayed back as Lucky shoved her arm away, his nostrils flaring. “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? How long have we been friends? After everything we’ve been through, you’re just going to take her side as gospel? What the hell, Emily? You know how she can lie to get her way—”

“This isn’t cheating on a high school text, Lucky! This isn’t some little prank she’s pulling to make Sarah miserable—and that was two years ago! But since you’re still the insensitive dick you were back then, maybe you think no one else has grown up either.”

“You don’t even know what happened!”

“Really? Really? I had a front row seat for six goddamn months, Lucky. Watching you pick at her every time she disagreed with you—it’s the same thing you did to me because you didn’t like Juan! You’re the most loyal friend in the world, Lucky, as long as we agree with you. But the second we disappoint? We get shoved off the island, and we’re nothing to you. I know what you said to her that night.”

“You don’t know anything—”

“You accused her of sleeping with my brother, of wanting someone with more experience to make sure she liked it this time,” Emily bit out.

“Whoa, dude, you did that?” Juan demanded. “That’s some bullshit. What kind of asshole are you?”

Lucky’s eyes dropped to the side. “I didn’t mean it the way she took it—”

“I almost wish Elizabeth was cheating on you with my brother because at least I know she was with someone who wouldn’t hurt her like that. To take the worst thing that ever happened to her and throw it at her because you didn’t like the way you smiled at her? Are you deranged? Have you lost what little sense you had left?” Emily stepped back, tears suddenly stinging her eyes. “How could you do that, Lucky? How could you ever think she’d betray you that way? Because she smiled at someone? Because her attention wasn’t focused on you? It’s disgusting what you said to her that night. What you just did to her today. And I’ll never forgive you for it. Because I’ll always be waiting for you to turn on me. You going to throw my drug addiction in my face?”

“Em, I’d never—” Lucky swallowed hard. “I’d never do that to you—”

“Why not? You threw your mother’s rape in her face? You used to tell Nikolas all the time he was the baby your mother ran from. And you just told Elizabeth everyone leaves her just like her family. Why wouldn’t you get angry at me one day, too? I’m not waiting to be next. If you can’t see what you did is beyond redemption, then I can’t help you.” Emily turned, stalked off towards the pier.

She reached the railing that overlooked the bottom of the docks, and gripped the wood hard. Juan stepped up beside her. “You okay?” he asked, stroking her back.

“He was the first friend I ever made here. I loved him so much, Juan. I always thought I’d be able to count on him forever. I don’t understand — I can’t understand how something so small could ruin everything. How did he let it destroy everything they were? She smiled at someone. She decided to live with me for a year. And he thought that was a betrayal.” Emily exhaled on a shuddering breath. “It was just a matter of time before it was me, too. It’s better this way. Better to cut him loose before he gets to hurt me the way he’s hurt Elizabeth.”

—

A few blocks over, Sonny strolled into the gaudy and garishly decorated Luke’s, and headed for the back offices where he found the man himself at his desk, a cigar in one hand, and their tax forms in another.

“I thought we hired an accountant for that,” Sonny said closing the door behind him.

“Never trust anyone with your money. You know better.” Luke removed the cigar, set it the nearby ashtray. “What brings you by?”

“Need you to pass on a warning.” Sonny tossed his jacket aside, sat down. “Your kid needs to stop telling anyone who could listen Jason’s after his girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend,” he added.

“Oh, that’s just some gossip I passed along, and you told me it was nothing—”

“I said I’d check with Jason, but that he’s never mentioned her. You know better, Luke, the truth almost never matters if the lie is more interesting. The truth of the matter is that Jason mostly minds his own business these days. Things are quiet in my neck of the woods and Moreno is currently respecting the boundaries. For now. Why do you think he’s doing that?”

Luke made a face. “Because he can’t beat you. Because every time he comes at you, you shut him up and make him weaker. What’s with the question?”

“Because I have nothing to lose. No family. No loved ones. No one who matters to me. No one whose safety I have to worry about. I can respond to Moreno without worrying he’s going to take a shot at me and hurt someone standing next to me. No one stands next to me. And no one stands next to Jason.”

Luke sighed, picked up the cigar again, inhaled, then blew out a ring of smoke. “You’re thinking Lucky spreading this kind of gossip might make Moreno think Elizabeth is worth something to Jason. That’s a little thin, don’t you think?”

“I think it’s worth keeping the status quo exactly as it is, unless you enjoyed your parking lot being shot up.”

“Didn’t much like my wife’s son taking a bullet to the neck either,” Luke muttered. “You wouldn’t be telling me to back off Lucky if there wasn’t something to this. Is Jason sniffing around Elizabeth? Because I like that girl. And if there’s a chance she and Lucky can work this out—”

“I’m not going to tell you what’s in Jason’s head or you know, anywhere else. And I don’t know Elizabeth. But Jason cares about her as a person. Whatever Lucky did to her — he pissed Jason off in the process. That’s why he got fired and kicked out. We can’t trust someone going around mouthing off about one of us. Your kid used to know better.”

“He’s all tangled up about this Elizabeth thing. Laura—she, uh, told me that maybe Lucky went a little far. Standing her up on a date. Making her get dressed up, wait for him. He regrets it, but she won’t listen to him long enough to apologize—”

“That’s none of my business. Jason’s love life isn’t my business either. But he doesn’t have a lot of people in his life either. Just his sister, and she’s too connected to the Quartermaines to touch. Same goes with Michael. Tell your kid to knock it off or I’ll be the next one to make life miserable.”

“You don’t got a right to talk about my son that way—”

“And he doesn’t have the right to walk around calling this girl a slut or cheating whore, but that’s what he’s doing, isn’t he?” Sonny got to his feet. “I asked a few people, and they were happy to share the gossip. You like him talking about her that way? You think she deserves that?”

“No.” Luke sighed. “No, I don’t.”

“So if you don’t give a shit about my business or the quiet we got right now, then maybe you give shit about this girl you say you like. Because your kid is going to say something to the wrong person, and maybe next time Jason puts him through a wall. And I’ll help him do it.”

Sonny picked up his jacket, then left.

—

“I’ll go break down the courtyard,” Elizabeth told the other waitress on the shift. “If you’ll finish up in here?”

“Yeah, and if my last table leaves before you’re done, I’ll be out.”

“Thanks.”

Elizabeth left Penny to finish up, and went outside. She folded up the chairs first, stacking them in the corners. Just as she started the last table, she heard footsteps. She looked over towards the parking lot, grimacing when Lucky stepped out of the shadows. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“Yeah, I get that.” He stood there another minute, his hands in the pockets of his coat. “Weird that you guys are still using the courtyard. Aunt Ruby—”

“A few people asked in December,” Elizabeth said, folding up another chair, stacked it with the rest. “Some people like the cold. I told you that, then but you weren’t listening. Obviously.”

“Look, I just—I wanted to apologize. Okay? I didn’t—I didn’t mean it. What I said earlier. About your family.” He shifted his weight from one foot to another. “It was a low blow, and you didn’t deserve that.”

“But I deserved Valentine’s Day? And the night outside my dorm?” Elizabeth shook her head. “Some things can’t be made right.”

“I came in earlier to apologize about that stuff, okay? Nikolas—he said some things, and they stuck in my head, so I thought—I’ll come in and I’ll catch you on your break. And we could talk.” He ducked his head trying to catch her eye but she kept hers down. “Just like we used to. We used to be able to say anything to each other—”

“I thought so. But it turns out that was just you.” And she lifted her gaze to his. “You were allowed to be whoever you wanted to be with me, and I loved you anyway. Venting about your father and Nikolas, and your mother, and anyone who looked at you wrong. But I didn’t get to do that, did I? I didn’t get to tell you that I think Juan is okay, that maybe we should be supportive of Emily. I didn’t get to change my mind about where I wanted to live—”

His mouth thinned, and he looked away. “You’re changing the subject—”

“No, I’m proving that I don’t get to say anything to you. Fine. You apologized. You can go—”

“I’m just asking you for you to hear me out—”

“What is there to say?”

“I came here to apologize earlier, and I saw Jason. Okay? So I lost it. I figured he was already moving in on you, and I just—I wanted to hurt you—”

“Emily dragged him in. You know, his sister. The only reason Jason and I even see each other is because of her and because of you. You’re imagining this huge conspiracy that just doesn’t exist. Okay? He drove me home a handful of times. And then he took me out on his bike to tell me about Valentine’s Day—” she broke off. “And I don’t know why I’m explaining myself to you.”

“Because you feel guilty. Because you know—”

“Because the idea is so ridiculous that it makes me laugh! You’re the one who introduced us, Lucky. You’re the one that told me he was a nice guy and if I ever needed anything, he’d help me. Why are you so angry that you were right? And why are we still having a conversation about Jason? He doesn’t matter. Except that I smiled at him, so you decided to use the worst night of my life to punish me.”

She shoved the table into the corner. “You’ve apologized. Fine. We have nothing else to say to each other.”

“I’m just asking for you to try to understand—”

“Understand what?” Elizabeth whirled back around, her eyes flashing. “What? I gave you the darkest pieces of myself because I thought you’d keep them safe, and you used them to hurt me. My family not loving me? And the rape—” Her mouth trembled. “Did you know that I almost forgave you for Valentine’s Day. Jason told me that you intended to do it, and I almost talked myself into forgetting about it. If you hadn’t been there that night, I might have.”

Lucky swallowed hard. “What do you mean—”

“I mean that I might have kept believing you were the only man I’d ever trust enough to let into my life. The only man I’d ever trust enough to touch me. Valentine’s Day. I was going to ask to go back to your room. Because I thought I might be ready to show you how much I loved and trusted you. But you never came, and thank God for that. Thank God you showed me what you really thought before I gave you that last piece.”

“Elizabeth, please—” He stepped towards her, but she threw up her hands.

“No. No. I worked so hard not to be that girl. To not wake up and have that night be the first thing I thought about. I didn’t want to be the broken girl anymore, and that’s what you did. You put me right back in that night. You looked at me, and you accused me of sleeping with someone I barely know because you saw me smile at him.” Tears spilled down her cheeks, hot and furious. “And then you said what you said. Did you think I didn’t fight enough that night, Lucky? That the only reason it haunts me is because I didn’t like it?”

“No, no, please, come on, that’s not what I ever—” He came towards her again but she darted away again.

“I will never be able to look at you again and not remember what you said. You made me feel dirty and ashamed all over again. For so long, I blamed myself. For lying. For wearing that dress. For sitting on that bench. For not fighting hard enough to make it stop. And you made it a cheap insult you threw at me in the middle of a completely different argument.  I can’t be with someone who makes me feel that way. We need to be done. We are done. And you need to go.”

Lucky swallowed hard, looked away. “Okay. I’ll go. But you need to admit something before I go. I deserve the truth—”

She laughed. “Oh, you do, do you? Fine. What do you want me to admit?”

“That I’m not crazy.” He waited for her to look at him. “You need to admit that you laughing and smiling at Jason the way you do — that’s not innocent.”

All of this — and he still didn’t get it. “No, you need me to admit that so you can have someone else to blame for what you did. For what you’ve said. And I won’t make this easy for you. I won’t give you a scape goat. Jason is a friend who was kind when I needed it. I won’t apologize for that. This is on you, and you’ll have to live with that.”

Lucky glowered at her, then turned and stalked away. Elizabeth took a deep breath, then sat  in the last chair she hadn’t yet folded up. She listened to the sound of his car as it left the parking lot.

And let the silence that followed surround her. It was over. Really over. She put her head down on the table, and wept bitterly.

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