February 3, 2004

— General Hospital: Nurse’s Station —

When Brian emerged from the hallway, he found Courtney Matthews waiting for him at the elevators.

“Brian…” She moved towards him, relief written across her features. “I heard you were on board the boat last night–are you okay?”

He nodded. “Yeah–I wasn’t hurt.” Brian frowned. “I thought you were angry at me.”

“I–I am b-but that doesn’t mean I can’t be relieved that you’re all right,” Courtney remarked. “And I am relieved. I–” She hesitated. “So many people were hurt.”

“And some died,” Brian sighed. He looked away, his dark eyes distant. “Have you ever done something you wished you could take back?”

“More than you know.” Courtney stepped towards him and put a hand on his arm. “What’s wrong?”

“I was–I was angry last night. We’d had that argument and you’d found out about my assignment. I let you catch me in the act, Courtney,” Brian informed her. “I was–I was just so tired of lying to you.”

“What happened?” she pressed, filing that information away for later.

“Ric Lansing was there with his wife and I–I’d been drinking but I don’t know if I’d held myself back if I were sober, either. I–I told her what he’d assigned me to do. I knew about their history–everyone knew. I just–I wanted to hurt him like I was hurting,” he admitted. “But they had this huge argument and she left. He went out after her–”

“Oh, God…” Courtney said softly. “Most of the people who died were out on the deck–killed by falling objects.”

Brian nodded miserably. “Ric pushed his wife out of the way of some debris. He was killed instantly.”

“Jesus…” she swallowed hard. “What about Elizabeth?”

“She went into premature labor and she would have bled to death if I hadn’t gotten her off the boat when I did. The baby–the baby is still in the neonatal unit but it’s my fault if that little girl dies, Courtney.” His voice broke. “My fault that Elizabeth Lansing loses everything.”

“No…” Courtney shook her head vehemently. “You just said she would have died on that boat. You saved her life, you gave her child a chance–more of a chance than she would have had otherwise.” She moved her hand to his cheek. “Brian–you’re a good cop and a good man. You couldn’t have known the boat was going to explode–”

“A good man wouldn’t have hurt an innocent woman just to get at her husband,” Brian said shortly. He stepped away. He didn’t deserve her comfort or the sympathy he saw in her eyes.

“Brian–” Courtney protested. He moved past her and jabbed the elevator button. “She won’t blame you.”

He shook his head. “You don’t know that–”

“I do know that,” she said forcefully. “She’s not that kind of a person. She won’t look at the fact you inadvertently caused an argument. Elizabeth is a good person and she’ll only remember that you’re the reason her little girl has a chance at all.”

He just shook his head and stepped on the elevator. She started after him but the doors slid shut.

—

February 4, 2004

— General Hospital: Neonatal Unit —

Elizabeth glanced from side to side, nervously. She’d snuck out of her hospital room during a lag between visitors. She’d convinced her grandmother and Emily to go home and she knew Lucky wasn’t due for another hour.

She just wanted this opportunity to look at her daughter. Two days old and still fighting. Dr. Meadows said it was a good sign.

But Brianna still didn’t have more than a thirty-two percent chance of survival.

“Emily was right.”

She turned to find Jason standing behind her with a faint smile on his lips. “She was right?” Elizabeth echoed with a confused expression.

“She called me on her way back to the mansion and told me to come and check on you.” He lifted a shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. “She knew why you were trying to get rid of her and your grandmother earlier.”

Elizabeth sighed and turned her attention back to the incubator in which her daughter depended on for survival. “Emily knows me too well,” she murmured.

“She looks better than she did the other night,” Jason offered, joining her at her side. “Emily and I came here after your surgery.”

“Dr. Meadows says her chances rise every day that she’s alive,” Elizabeth said. “Still–she’s so early. Babies born this early almost never survive.”

“I wasn’t supposed to survive my accident,” Jason said quietly. “The doctors told the Quartermaines that even if I came out of the coma, I’d have so much brain damage I could never live a normal life. Never live on my own, never hold down a job, have a family or any kind of a real substantial life.”

“I mean–they were partly right,” Jason continued after a moment. “I had brain damage and I’m not even remotely the same but I’m just trying to say that doctors only go by experience. People with my kind of head injury were vegetables but here I am, eight years later and I’ve got a life. Not the one the Quartermaines wanted but it’s my life.”

“It just doesn’t seem fair,” Elizabeth replied. “I thought I was finally going to have a good life. Ric wasn’t perfect–I wasn’t blind to the things he’d done. I know what people say about me but I knew what he’d done. I chose to believe he could change and he did to some extent. He was on the edge this summer, Jason and I’m pretty sure he slid over it a few times.” She sighed. “But he loved me. I was sure of that and I thought that could be enough.”

“Sometimes it’s not. Sometimes you need more than that.” Jason exhaled slowly. “Sometimes love is just the foundation. If a year later, it’s still all you have–if you haven’t built on it–you’re nowhere.”

“I’ll never even have a chance to find out if we could have built something better,” Elizabeth murmured. “I always seem to lose in the end. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I sacrifice, I always lose.” Tears slid down her cheeks. “I don’t want to lose her.”

He wished he could tell her that she wouldn’t. That her daughter would not only survive, but flourish. But that was a promise that he could not make. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Maybe we should get you back to your room.”

She shook her head. “I’m afraid if I leave, she’ll go away. In another day, I’ll be released a-and I’ll probably be allowed inside.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “I wish that I could hold her.”

“Is there anything you need?” Jason asked.

“To go back in time,” she said softly. “So that I could stay inside the room and be evacuated.” After a moment she shook her head. “No, there’s nothing I need except to hold Brianna and I can’t do that.”

“Brianna?” Jason questioned. Emily hadn’t told him that Elizabeth had named the baby and he’d overheard the same intern Emily had the night the baby was born. That naming the baby would be a useless gesture. He should have known Elizabeth would pay no attention to that.

“For Brian Beck,” Elizabeth told him. “Monica told me that if he hadn’t found me when I did, I would have died. Brianna Audrey.” Her voice faltered and nearly broke. “I think I’ll go back to my maiden name. Ric’s gone. What’s the point?”

At this, she started to cry in earnest. Her shoulders start to shake and her body was trembling. “Oh, God,” she choked. “He’s gone.” Elizabeth turned into the embrace Jason offered and cried until her legs gave out and he carried her back to her hospital room.

— Quartermaine Mansion: Living Room —

Emily sifted through a box of baby things that she’d been setting aside for the past few months. She’d been planning on throwing Elizabeth a baby shower and every time she’d gone shopping, she’d picked up some odd or end.

Nikolas had brought the box over from Wyndemere when he’d brought over clothes for himself and Emily. Neither of them wanted to be too far from the hospital in case Elizabeth needed them.

She felt a weight press into the couch next to her and she sighed. “I didn’t know if she was having a boy or a girl,” Emily remarked mournfully.

Her grandfather patted her arm. “I’m so sorry you’re hurting, Emily.”

“I bought one of everything in both colors,” Emily told him. She held up the rattles, one pink, one blue. “I figured–whatever she didn’t use–I could. We were going to raise our families together a-and now she’s lost her husband and her daughter might not survive.”

She could fee the misery rising in her throat again and she fought against the tears. Edward tucked her under his arm and kissed her forehead. “Don’t speak such nonsense,” the elder man said briskly. “The baby will be fine.”

“I really need her to be,” Emily remarked. She set the rattles down and reached next to her, holding up a hanger with a lacy white dress hanging from it. “I bought it on impulse. I knew Elizabeth would want to buy the christening gown herself b-but I saw it and I couldn’t help myself.”

“It’s lovely,” Edward assured her. “And Elizabeth will appreciate it no matter what.”

“I don’t even know if I should give any of this to her,” Emily sighed. She set the christening gown back on the couch and raked her hands through her brown hair. “I mean I don’t want to give her hope and then have Brianna die. That just seems–it seems so cruel.”

“But you don’t want to treat Brianna as though she’s doomed to die either,” Edward advised her. “Elizabeth will appreciate you treating her like a real child, a real newborn rather than a tragic little life that never had a chance.”

“But what if the latter proves to be true?” Emily asked, stricken. “How can Elizabeth survive losing her husband and her child?”

“She has you,” Edward remarked. “And she has her grandmother and other family. You will get her through.”

“When we thought we’d lost Lucky…” Emily closed her eyes and shook her head. “God…he’d been my best friend and it felt like someone had ripped my heart out. Elizabeth was destroyed and drowning in her grief for so long–I stopped looking. I couldn’t handle her devastation and my own.” A faint smile brushed her lips. “But Jason–he saved her that time a-and he’ll do it again.”

“Your brother’s a good man,” Edward said grudging. When Emily turned her amused eyes at him, he narrowed his own. “That stays between us.”

“Right, Grandfather. We don’t want the whole world to know what a softie you are.” She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for this. You barely know Elizabeth and you’re sitting here anyway. I’m so incredible lucky to be a member of this family.”

“And we’re just as lucky to have you.” Edward patted her knee. “I’ll take a page from your grandmother’s book and tell you to have faith. Everyone gets a miracle once in their lives and it sounds as though your Elizabeth is due for one.”

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