— Beach —

“So then Michelle pushed me,” Michael reported. He held up his knee. “I got a scar!”

“Why’d she push you?” Elizabeth asked curiously as her pencil danced over the page of her sketchbook, the image of Michael playing near the surf slowly developing.

“Jonah says it’s ’cause she likes me but I think that’s nuts,” Michael dropped to his knees in the damp sand and started digging. “Why would she push me if she likes me?”

“Sometimes people are afraid of what others will say when they find out how you feel,” Elizabeth advised him. “Maybe Michelle thinks you won’t like her back and she doesn’t want you to know she likes you.”

“So she’s kinda trying to throw me off the scene,” Michael nodded. “Okay, yeah, women are sneaky.”

Elizabeth laughed and shook her head. “You think they’re bad at age seven? Wait until you’re my age. Every word has another meaning–or at least you think so. Someone says something they don’t think is particularly bad but it devastates the other. Words are tricky, Michael. Be careful what you say and how you say it.”

Michael nodded sagely. “That makes sense. Jason says that actions are really powerful but sometimes words are more.”

“Jason’s a very smart guy,” Elizabeth remarked. She glanced up, trying to catch the right ruffle in his hair. “Do you like living with him?”

“I love it. He’s not a great cook like Sonny but he lets me eat chocolate and other kinds of junk food,” Michael told her gleefully. “And he’s gonna help me build shelves in my room for all my trucks.” He plopped on the sand in front of her. “I like living with Jason a lot but my mom cries a lot when she visits. She tries not to but…” he shrugged and drew circles in the sand with his index finger. “I don’t like hurting her.”

Not knowing what to say, Elizabeth remained silent. Michael sighed. “She comes by every night and always brings something she says I left at her house. I know it’s just a reason for her to come over because lots of it has price tags on it.” He looked at her. “Is it wrong to live with Jason if it hurts my mom?”

“It can be hard to choose between what you want and what you should want,” Elizabeth said carefully. “A long time ago, I thought I should love this man because we’d been in love most of our lives. I thought I should want to marry him and spend forever with him. I felt very loyal to him but I convinced myself that he was who I wanted.” She sighed heavily. “Michael, it’s all right to feel guilty but in the end, you have to do what’s right for you.”

“Was the man Ric?” Michael asked curiously.

“No, it wasn’t Ric.” Elizabeth flipped the page to begin a new sketch. “Ric is my husband now.”

“Do you love him?”

Elizabeth glanced up and studied the small boy with concerned eyes. “Your parents’ divorce has been really difficult for you, hasn’t it?”

Michael shrugged. “I guess. They used to love each other so much and now all they do is fight. I don’t get it. If you love someone, how can that just go away?”

“It doesn’t go away,” Elizabeth told him. “It changes. People change. I’m sure Sonny and Carly still love each other but sometimes people change in a way that they just can’t live together anymore.”

“I guess but why do they have to be so mean to each other and why do they gotta use me and Morgan to do hurt each other?” Michael wiped his hand across his eyes.

“I’m sorry, Michael. It’s so hard to watch the people you love do things you don’t understand.” Elizabeth rubbed his shoulder. “But you’ve got Jason and no kid could ask for someone better.”

Michael’s sad expression instantly lit up. “Dude, I know. He’s so cool and he always treats me like I’m an adult.” He hesitated. “If I tell you something, will you promise never ever to tell anyone else as long as you live?”

“Cross my heart.”

“Sometimes…when I get scared or–when Mom sees Sonny in the hall and they start yelling…I get really scared they’re going to hit each other,” Michael confessed. “But then Jason just…” his cheeks flushed bright red. “He fixes it. He fixes everything.”

“He’s good at fixing things,” Elizabeth remarked. “He has such a big heart and he loves you more than he’s loved anyone.”

“Really?” Michael asked brightly. “That’s pretty awesome. You know he raised me when I was a baby?”

“I sure did. I knew you when you were a baby because Lucky Spencer lived above his garage,” Elizabeth told him. “Jason had you at the garage all the time. Like he couldn’t bear to be away from you.”

“I know it’s wrong but I really wish he was my dad,” Michael sighed. “But it’s a good thing he agreed to be a godfather for your baby, you know, because if Ric turns out to be a bad guy then Jason’s right there to take over, you know?”

“Honey…that’s not the way it works. Jason will always be in my life but he won’t be taking anything over. I’m married to Ric and he’s going to be Alexandria’s father,” Elizabeth told him. “I know that you don’t like Ric–”

“He’s mean. He stole my mom,” Michael told her with a hard glare. “Right in front of me. Did you know?”

Elizabeth sighed shakily. “Yeah, I knew that.”

“Jason watches you,” Michael abruptly changed the subject.

Elizabeth frowned. “What’s that?”

“He watches you,” Michael repeated. “When you’re not looking. Like at breakfast earlier, when you were looking down at your plate. And then the last time we were here, when we were leaving and you looked so sad, he looked sad, too.”

“Jason’s a good friend to me,” Elizabeth said, unsure where the boy was going and not wanting to hurt his feelings. So much in Michael’s life was unsure and uncertain.

“How come people always fall in love with people who are gonna hurt them?” Michael asked. “I mean, Mom and Sonny loved each other and now they just fight all the time and I thought Aunt Courtney loved Jason but she divorced him and I just know Ric’s gonna hurt you,” he said earnestly. “So how come people can’t just find people who won’t stop loving them?”

“Oh…honey…” Elizabeth sighed. “Love is complicated and sometimes it’s not enough to keep two people together. It’s what brings them together, but you need trust, faith–devotion. Sonny and Carly don’t trust each other. Courtney doesn’t trust Jason and–” she stopped abruptly as she realized she’d been about to say she didn’t trust Ric.

“You don’t trust Ric,” Michael finished grimly. “He’ll hurt you, Eliz’beth. He’s a mean man and he only cares about himself. He’s Sonny’s brother, remember?”

“Ric–” she shook her head. “No, I don’t trust him,” she admitted softly. “But I love him, I’ll learn to trust him.”

“Did you trust him before he kidnapped my mother?” Michael asked. “Because then that means he broke your trust and why would you want to be with someone who does stuff like that?”

“I wish there was an easy answer I could give you because I can feel that you need it but it’s not always black and white.” Elizabeth set her sketch pad aside. “Trust can be broken very easily. When it’s fresh and its new, it’s so easy to just take a wrong step and break it. And when you’ve known a person for years, they can still hurt you. When you care about someone Michael, they can hurt you. But if they care about you, you can hurt them just as easily. Do you understand what I’m trying to say?”

“I think so,” Michael said hesitantly. “Even though Ric broke your trust and he hurt you, you can do the same to him because he loves you, too and it kind of makes it okay.”

“Well–yes and no. Yes, he broke my trust but he knows that he did. He knows what he did was wrong,” Elizabeth told him. “He’s trying to change and I hope with this baby–that it will help him to realize that he’s more than just Sonny’s brother.”

“A baby shouldn’t have to make anyone do anything,” Michael said stubbornly. “That’s too much pressure to put on her. Ric should know he’s his own person and not depend on a kid to tell him that. It’s not fair.”

Elizabeth frowned and tilted her head to the side. “You know–Michael, I’m sorry that you’ve had to grow up so fast and mature. You’re so far beyond your ears, I can’t help feel a little sorry that you didn’t retain some of the innocence that all children deserve.”

Michael shrugged and dragged his fingers through the sand. “All I’m sayin’ is that a kid has enough problems in his or her life without worrying about their parents. If Ric doesn’t think he’s a good enough person now, all the kids in the world won’t change his mind.”

“Michael!” Jason called from the sun porch. “Carly’s on the phone!”

Michael got to his feet. “Walk to the house with me?”

“Mm…it’ll take too long to get up.” She smiled up at him. “Go ahead and make sure to tell her you love her.”

“Okay.”

Michael took the phone from Jason and gestured to Elizabeth. “You should go keep her company,” he told her seriously.

Though he’d been planning on talking with her anyway, Jason nodded solemnly. “Okay. Go inside with the phone and make sure to hang it back up.”

He joined Elizabeth on the sand. She’d resumed her sketching but had flipped to a fresh page. “Hey,” she greeted warmly.

“Hey.” Jason rubbed the back of his neck. “Listen–I think I know what that was all about earlier today. With Michael suggesting Carly as the godmother and saying that thing about me being a father.”

“He’s trying to rebuild his family,” Elizabeth said simply. “I could tell and I really am flattered he considers me part of his family but he’s a very confused little boy, Jason. I’m worried about him.”

“He wants to keep everyone together,” Jason continued. “He’s been hinting about me and Carly getting a house together and then in the next breath, he tells me that the guest room would make a great art studio for you. He’s not sure what he wants but he knows that he doesn’t want anyone else to leave his life. So he’s kind of alternating between pushing me and Carly together and me and you together. I just
wanted to be sure that you were aware of it.”

“I am.” Elizabeth reached out and squeezed his hand. “It’s whole other thing–raising a little boy as opposed to raising an infant.”

“I thought nothing would be as hard as taking care of a baby,” Jason admitted. “Keeping him fed and safe and happy–but he’s–he’s so much older now. He’s so much more aware of everything. I could–I could really screw him up, Elizabeth.”

“You could,” Elizabeth said quietly. She met his eyes. “But you won’t. You told me on the plane here that I would be a good mother. You said it with conviction–with no doubt. And I’m really glad I can do the same for you. You’re a good father, Jason. You’re going to make mistakes but he knows you love him. That you put him first. He knows that you would never hurt him on purpose or use him to hurt anyone else. That’s the kind of faith he doesn’t have in Sonny anymore. But he has it in you and I think you know that.” She touched his face. “You love him too much to screw up, Jason.”

He exhaled slowly, not aware of how much he’d needed someone to say that to him–to have her say that to him. “Thank you,” he said, with a slight tremble in his voice.

← Chapter Four | Chapter Six →