A week before Michael’s school let out for the summer, Jason made his usual rounds to gather letters for Elizabeth. He went to the post office box he’d set up for Audrey Hardy and retrieved the two letters her grandmother had sent before going out to Wyndemere where Emily gave her letters from herself, Nikolas and Lucky–and a surprise one from Elizabeth’s brother Steven who had heard about his sister’s pregnancy and hoped they could arrange a visit when she returned home.

He saved his visit to Ric for last and he could tell the lawyer was not expecting him. “Is something wrong with Elizabeth?” Ric asked when he opened his apartment door.

Jason entered the apartment and shut the door behind him. He didn’t want anyone hearing this conversation because the more people knew, the more humiliating it would be for Elizabeth and she didn’t deserve that.

“I came by to pick up your letter,” Jason said. “And to let you know that I’ll be telling Elizabeth about your…relationship with Sam McCall.”

The color drained from Ric’s face almost immediately. “What are you talking about?”

“I think you know,” Jason said after a moment. “I thought about telling her over the phone but it’s not really fair to give her something like that to deal with alone.”

Ric’s eyes narrowed. “You just love coming to her rescue don’t you?”

Jason remained silent and waited, knowing the lawyer would give him exactly what he came here to for.

“You’ve wanted her for years and now you think you’ve finally got your opening,” Ric spat out. “She won’t believe you, you know that? She loves me.”

Still silent.

“She could have gone back to you last fall,” Ric continued hatefully. “But she chose to forgive me. Marry me. Raise her child with me.”

Still silent.

“She would understand what I was doing with Sam,” Ric said, changing tactics. Provoking Jason wasn’t doing the trick.

Jason merely raised an eyebrow.

“She knows how important my career is to me,” Ric said. He nodded. “That prosecuting Sonny would be the highlight of my career.”

“And sleeping Sam is something Elizabeth would understand,” Jason said slowly.

“She won’t believe you,” Ric repeated. “She doesn’t trust you.”

Jason found that somewhat amusing but he still hadn’t gotten what he came for. “She’ll believe me because she knows that I would never lie to her,” he told Elizabeth’s husband. “Not to her face and not about something like this.”

And because Ric knew Jason was right, panic licked at the back of his throat. “She shouldn’t have stress,” Ric switched tactics yet again. “She-”

“Then you shouldn’t have slept with another woman,” Jason interrupted. “When I tell her, she will want to know why and I think you owe it to her to give me an answer.”

“I don’t have to tell you anything.”

“No, no you don’t. But I’m your only contact with Elizabeth for the next few months. I’m going to tell her what you did. Do you want her to have all that time to speculate on her own?” Jason asked pointedly. “Elizabeth deserves the truth. I know that’s a novel concept for you, but why don’t you try it out?”

“She’s going to think it was about Sonny,” Ric muttered. “She thinks everything is about Sonny.”

“Was it?” Jason asked pointedly.

“Sam was tired of being treated like trash, she knew it would piss Sonny off if she slept with me,” Ric said. “She knew Elizabeth was out of town. A man can only be a monk for so long.”

Because Jason had never seen the point of having sex just to have it, he couldn’t really understand that. When he’d slept with Carly in the beginning, the feelings were new to him and he needed to find an outlet for them. But as he began to realize exactly what the act should be about, it began to be more important for him–something he didn’t do lightly and never without reason.

Except for the first time with Courtney.

So he couldn’t understand how this man Elizabeth had given her love and trust to could stand there and tell him that he had been tired of being a monk, of living without sex. He wondered what Ric’s excuse would have been if Elizabeth had remained in town but in the late stages of her pregnancy and unable to give him what he so obviously couldn’t do without.

A man who let himself be led around by dick obviously couldn’t be trusted.

“I’m leaving in a week,” Jason finally said. “If you have any letters for her, have them to me by then.”

---

Carly watched as Jason packed his duffle bag and then her eyes strayed to the door of his bedroom where he had stacked two other duffle bags. “How long are you going to be gone?”

“At least until early July,” Jason said. He zipped it shut. “You’ve got my cell if you have to get in touch with Michael.”

Carly sat on the bed. “He’s very excited about this trip but he refuses to tell me any details.” She met his eyes. “If I ask you, will I get the same refusal?”

“Carly…” Jason sat next to her.

“This is the third time you’ve gone out of town since you got custody of Michael,” Carly said. “You’re taking him out of the country but I don’t understand that. You’re not one for vacations. Jase…you can trust me.”

“We’re going to Spain,” Jason said after a moment. “And the reason we’ll be gone so long this time is that…Elizabeth is due in early July.”

Carly pressed her lips together and looked away. To her credit, she didn’t immediately throw any tantrums. “So Spain is where Elizabeth went to get away from Ric.”

“She didn’t go to get away from him.” Jason sighed. “She needed to get out town. I helped her. I had to bring Michael the first time and during that time, he became attached to her. He cares for her, considers her baby her cousin. I need to know if you can deal with that.”

“Why did he come attached to her?” Carly asked, a little annoyed. “Why does everyone become attached to her?”

“Because she was there for him during a very difficult period in his life. She was there the morning after he heard Sonny say those things. He needed someone to reassure him and she found the words that I couldn’t. He considers her part of the family now, Carly. And eventually she will be back. Can you deal with that?” Jason repeated.

Carly exhaled slowly. “If you think that she’s having a good influence on my son, if you think she’s good for him and that this attachment he has for her is okay, then I will trust your judgment.”

“Thank you.” He set the last duffle bag by the door. “How was the custody hearing this morning?”

Carly sighed. “Rough. But since I’m putting longer hours in at the club and I’ve got Mama looking after Morgan as opposed to Sonny’s job and a nanny, I still came out looking like the more capable parent. He’s still fighting for Michael but I’ve been able to handle that myself with letters from teachers and his school saying how much his grades and behavior have improved.”

“Will he get a hearing?” Jason asked, his stomach clenching at the thought of losing Michael once again.

“The judge isn’t going to grant one. What Michael told him the last time he met with the judge was enough. He’s never going to let Michael in Sonny’s sphere.” Carly sighed. “The divorce is the only thing going smoothly if you discount the custody part of it. I didn’t ask for child support or alimony. I just want the whole thing over.”

“I’m sorry, Carly. I can’t really understand what’s happened to Sonny,” Jason said regretfully.

“Well even that slut Sam jumped ship,” Carly remarked. “I saw her cozying up with Ric.” She studied him. “Is that why Elizabeth left him?”

“No. She doesn’t know that yet.” Jason sighed heavily. “I have to figure out how I’m supposed to tell her.”

“Well, your friendship with her is something I’ve never understood but if I were her, I wouldn’t want you to coddle me. I’d just want you to tell me straight out. I’d want to know why, but I wouldn’t want excuses. I wouldn’t want you trying to coat the truth.”

“I paid him a visit,” Jason said. “And he told me that Sam came on to him. That Elizabeth would understand that he couldn’t live like a monk forever.” He shook his head. “I don’t understand that. Even if she hadn’t left town, she’d still be pregnant and in the last stages of it. Would she understand if she were home?”

“He’s slime, Jason. He doesn’t need any other excuses or reasons,” Carly said.

“But she’s pregnant and even if the baby isn’t his biologically, he was supposed to take care of her anyway. Be her father. How can you think about cheating on your family? On the woman you took vows with?”

“A lot of men aren’t like you, Jason. They think that because they have certain parts, it gives them a right to do things.” Carly snorted. “Though if their women ever decided that it held true for them, they’d be the first people to spout that shit about vows.”

“I just wish I didn’t have to be the one to tell her,” Jason said after a moment. “I’ve hurt her so many times.”

Carly reached out and squeezed his hand. “You really care for her, don’t you?” she asked softly.

“Yeah…I do,” he answered after a moment.

She bit her lip. “Do you…do you love her?” she asked hesitantly.

“I don’t know,” Jason answered honestly. He stood and went to his dresser, opening drawers as if to check if he’d forgotten anything. The question made him restless as it was one he’d been asking himself since the day Ric Lansing called him to the docks.

He’d dropped everything to help her. He’d never even considered letting her twist in the wind. He would do anything to keep her safe and he had already called in his favors at the PCPD, giving the police false leads and sending them in the opposite direction. Elizabeth didn’t deserve to pay for this crime and he knew that Zander Smith would be the first one to say so if he could.

When he talked to her about raising Michael, he knew she was the only one who truly understand what this second chance meant to him. How utterly terrified he was that he would screw this up.

Carly watched Jason avoid the question and narrowed her eyes. Maybe he didn’t know the answer but she sure did. Her stomach clenched at the idea of Jason actually being in love with the twit but she squared her shoulders. Jason was his own person and he could love anyone he wanted. Even if it was Elizabeth Webber. Therefore, it was her place to make him realize his feelings. Then he could deal with them.

“What’s your favorite thing about her?” she asked suddenly. He turned around with suspicious eyes.

“What?”

“About Elizabeth. What do you like the most?” Carly asked again. “Is it her hair? The…” she almost felt nauseous. “The body?”

He frowned. “No. I-” he hesitated.

“You can trust me, Jason,” Carly said, hoping he would actually open up to her this time. “I promise.”

“She only sees the good stuff,” he answered after a moment. “When we first became friends, everyone told her all the reasons she shouldn’t be around me but she only saw the ones why she should. She never looked at me and saw Sonny’s enforcer. She only saw me.”

“Oh, hell,” she muttered. She stood. “Why couldn’t you have said the chest–though God knows why that would have been a factor.”

Jason shook his head, bewildered. “I don’t understand.”

“Because if you’d said something physical I could chalked it up to lust. My advice was gonna be to just…you know. And get it over with.” She pouted. “You had to go wax poetic about her personality.”

“She is beautiful,” Jason said after a moment. “I never said she wasn’t.”

“Yeah, but now you’re gonna say something mushy like she looks beautiful when she’s sweaty-oh, ewww,” Carly whimpered. “Bad thought. Nasty image.”

“I’m a little unsure where you’re headed with all this,” Jason said, a little amused by his friend’s reaction.

“Look, the first step is admitting it to yourself,” Carly declared. She stood and folded her arms. “And then once you can say it to yourself, you can say it outloud. You can stand in a room by yourself if that makes you feel more comfortable and eventually you can build up to telling her.”

“Telling her what?” Jason pressed.

“Sometimes it’s like pulling teeth,” Carly muttered. “Tell her that you love her, of course. Knowing you, it may take a year but that’s only if you start now. So go ahead, say it silently.”

Jason stared at her. “I-I’m not.”

“Uh huh. How come five seconds ago you didn’t know?” Carly said pointedly. “I’m not saying you have to go and propose or anything Jason, but trust me, if you at least own up to you, you’ll feel better. I promise.”

“Carly-”

“The hardest person you can fight is yourself,” Carly interrupted smoothly. “The twit, er, Elizabeth has always been after you-” at Jason’s dark look, she immediately corrected her statement, “cared about you.”

“She’s married-”

“To a loser. Even I think that girl can do better,” Carly rolled her eyes. “Just go ahead,” she repeated.

He stared at her for a moment before deciding that if he didn’t say it out loud, then he didn’t have anything to lose. The worst that would happen would be that he’d think it and realize it wasn’t true.

He wasn’t sure he wanted that to happen.

“Did you do it yet?” Carly asked impatiently. He shot her an annoyed look.

I love Elizabeth, he thought and hesitated because it sounded right in his head. And it felt right.

Something changed in his eyes and Carly felt her heart soften a little towards the twit. If she could inspire that look then Elizabeth couldn’t be all that bad, Carly decided. Still annoying but not the most hated woman in her life anymore. “How did it feel?” she asked.

“I love her,” Jason murmured, the first time he’d said it out loud since he began having…other feelings for her almost five years ago.

“Well, then,” Carly smiled pleased. “Now you’re ready to see her.”

---

Carly had said he’d be ready to see her but suddenly as Jason pulled into the drive way of the house in Spain the following afternoon, he didn’t feel that way. He was about to see her after having admitted his feelings-to himself and to Carly, who didn’t really count. He was about to tell her something that would probably destroy her marriage.

He didn’t feel ready at all.

Elizabeth opened the screen door and smiled brightly at him as he lifted the sleeping Michael from the car, the plane ride having exhausted him as usual. “Hey!” she said, standing at the top of the stairs. She was heavily pregnant now-more so than she’d been last month and probably not as much as she’d be next month.

Jason was now having second thoughts about telling her about Ric. She didn’t need the stress–she’d come to Europe to escape the stress. What right did he have to do this to her?

But he couldn’t keep this from her, he couldn’t protect her. She would see it as a lie and he would have to agree. An omission was still a lie.

“He’s always sleeping when he gets here,” Elizabeth murmured as she followed Jason down to Michael’s room. “I wonder if that says something about me.” But her smile told him she was joking and he smiled back.

“Maybe,” he teased quietly as he tucked Michael in for a nap. Elizabeth kissed the little boy’s forehead before following Jason into the hall.

“How are things back home?” Elizabeth asked.

Jason hesitated, looked away for a moment before meeting her eyes. “There’s something I have to tell you.”

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