Thursday, December 24, 2011

Morgan Home: Living Room

Three-year-old Cecily planted her tiny hands on her nonexistent hips, screwed her face up in a scowl and glared at her mother.

The stance and the look was so quintessentially Carly that it made Jason smile slightly, though he knew his friend wouldn’t appreciate it.

“I wanna open now!”

His attention drifted from that scene to the one near the Christmas tree, where eighteen-month-old Juliet sat in four-year-old Jake’s lap as their older brother Cameron slowly read to them from The Night Before Christmas. Carly’s son Morgan sat next to them, eying presents under the tree.

This would be his first Christmas without Elizabeth.

She’d been gone since last November, but that Christmas had been just a day spent in some cold dank bar, following up a lead from someone he couldn’t remember. He’d called the kids, but he’d had to hang up — Cameron had started to cry and beg him to bring home his mother.

He never asked for Elizabeth now.

When Jason had first married Cameron’s mother and adopted him, the boy had been a little shy and very quiet. As the next two years passed, that had altered only slightly since he’d entered kindergarten.

In the ten months Jason had spent tearing apart the known world for clues to Elizabeth’s disappearance, that had all changed. Cameron had emerged as a confident and outgoing little boy with a passion for baseball…and for his younger siblings. Hardly a day went by that Cameron wasn’t tugging Juliet to her feet and encouraging her to walk and to talk or teaching Jake how to throw.

He was being the father that Jason wasn’t sure he could trust himself to be any longer.

Carly handed her spoiled daughter off to her husband and joined Jason on the couch. “He’s so wonderful with them,” she murmured. “I only wish Morgan had that sort of patience with Cecily.”

Jason said nothing and kept his eyes on the kids. After a long moment, Carly propped her elbow on the back of the couch and rested her head against her hand. “Jason. I know…well, I guess I can’t possibly really know how hard it’s been since you came home, but I’m sure it’ll get…oh, I don’t know…easier, in some ways.”

“And it’ll get harder in others,” Jason responded. “Juliet has Elizabeth’s smile. Her eyes. Cameron and Jake, they remind me of her, too, but I can just tell…”

“Juliet is going to look so much like her,” Carly agreed, “and that’s gonna be hard. Because you’ve put those photos away. I know why you did it, Jase, and I can’t blame you. But you can’t let that effect how you look at the kids, especially Jules. Cam’s got some memories, and Jake is going to have some vague notions about his mom, but she’s not going to have anything to cling to.  She’s going to need you. They are all going to need you.”

“I almost didn’t come back,” Jason confessed.  “I promised Cam that I was going to bring his mother home, and I couldn’t. I can’t even tell them what happened to her.”

“Jax wondered if you were going to be able to come back without her, but I knew you would.” Carly was quiet for a moment. “I don’t know if Elizabeth is dead. I hope, for your sake and for those children, that one day she comes home. You can’t live your life, hoping for that. If this were reversed, if one day you never came home and there was no clue as to what happened, what would you want for Elizabeth?”

“If you’re suggesting that I move on with someone else–”

“God, Jason, even I’m not that callous,” Carly cut in.  “I know you’re not ready to do that, and I’ll be honest, I don’t see that changing any time soon, if ever. I’m talking about everything else. Cameron is playing Little League this spring. It’s all he talks about with Jax. But he said he hasn’t brought it up to you, because he doesn’t know if you’ll go to the games. Or if you’ll even let him play at all–because you don’t let the kids out of the house without you.”

“Carly–”

“You wouldn’t let me sign Jules up for dance class with Cece, Anna, and Amalia, even though you know that was something Elizabeth was looking forward to because it means letting her out of your sight for more than thirteen seconds.”

“Carly–”

“Cam says that Jake has nightmares about people coming to get him because you scared the crap out of them about talking to strangers.”

Jason looked at the floor, unable to defend himself. It was true. Every word.

“I know about protecting your kids and the emptiness inside when you can’t. When we thought Michael was dead all those years ago, I broke inside and I had a nervous breakdown, and then when he was shot and died for real…” Carly closed her eyes. “If I hadn’t become pregnant with Cecily, I’m not sure I ever would have been able to pull myself out of it, despite Morgan and Jax. I didn’t think I was strong enough, so please believe me when I say that I truly do understand at least a piece of what you’re going through.”

“I know you do, Carly,” he replied. “I know what you’ve suffered, and I know what you’re saying about the kids is true.” Jason pressed lips together. “I’m just not sure how I’m supposed to change it.”

“One step at a time.” Carly hesitated. “Morgan is signing up for Little League. I’ll pull strings with the league and make sure they’re assigned to the same team. They’re in each other’s pocket as it is. Jax is going to coach and I’ll pull the same strings to make sure they’re on his team. Cam will never be far from Jax’s sight. Will that help?”

“I can accept that.”

“And I will be at as many dance practices as I can. When I’m not there, you know that Robin will be. Or Nadine.”

“What about Jake?” he looked at his son. “Can he be fixed so easily?”

“Nothing about this is easy, Jase,” Carly responded softly. “It’s one second at a time, one hour at a time. One day at a time. And one day, it will be better. You’ll be able to wake up and breathe just a little bit easier.”

“But it will never go away,” Jason stated.

Carly looked over at the scene by the Christmas tree. Jax and Cecily had joined the other kids and now, Jax was reading A Christmas Carol to them, though she was sure only Cameron and Morgan could really grasp it. She thought about how uncomfortable she was taking Morgan and Cecily within a mile of the warehouse where Michael had been shot. How she still couldn’t go on the seventh floor at General Hospital because it was where he’d slipped away from her.

“No, it never goes away,” she agreed. “But it gets easier to put it in a different compartment and live your life anyway.”

Sunday, July 28, 2024

Morgan Home: Living Room

It had been just over a week since Juliet had told her father her wild theory about her mother’s disappearance. Exactly a week since Jason had left to look into said theory. Five days since Juliet learned her mother was still alive.

One day since her best friend tried to kill herself.

It was more than any one fourteen-year-old girl should have to deal with.

“Did the doctors say when Lia would wake up?” Molly asked Juliet. She sat next to her on the sofa. “Will it be soon?”

“Any time now or maybe she has already. Not like her parents would call me,” Juliet muttered. “I wish I could be there, but…” she gestured towards the front hallway.  “My mother is going to walk through that door at any minute and I can’t…”

“Lia would be the first person to understand,” Jake said, his own eyes telling the story of his exhaustion. It used to feel weird to Juliet, the knowledge that her best friend had the hots for her brother, but one day this spring, she’d woken up and saw that Jake wasn’t altogether disinterested. What’s more, she saw that occasionally it was her best friend that was able to get through his dense skull.

Now she just wished they’d do something about what was between them so she wouldn’t have to worry about either of them.

“I can see Dad’s car coming down the street,” Cam said, from his position by the window. Molly immediately stood and crossed to grab his hand. “What do we do when she comes in?”

“I think we should take our cues from her,” Jake said. “She remembers stuff about us, Dad said, and she’s seen pictures. I don’t…” He grimaced. “I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. So let’s just…see what she does.”

Juliet told herself that her mother would be uncomfortable if she got out of the car in the driveway and saw them all staring at her, so she should just sit on this couch and wait.

It was the longest seven minutes of her life as she remained the only one person away from the window.

“She looks just like all the pictures,” Jake said, his voice rough. He glanced at Juliet, sitting so quietly, her eyes squeezed shut. “She looks like you, Jules. So much.”

She heard the front door open, footsteps in the hallway and voices. And still, she couldn’t bring herself to look. She was terrified. When the footsteps stopped suddenly, she forced herself to open her eyes.

Her father stood there, slightly behind her mother, his hand at the small of her back. The room was completely silent.

Jake was right, Juliet thought, as she slowly rose to her feet. Elizabeth Morgan looked like all the photos Juliet had pored over. Her hair was even the same length. It was the same brown with strands of gray threaded through. Her eyes were the same blue, but there were lines at the corners.

This was her mother. The first time she had been in the same room with her since Juliet was six months old.

“I–” Cam began but had to stop and look down, swallowing hard.

Elizabeth’s eyes darted from one person to the next, as if she, too, were unsure of the first move. Finally, she took a deep breath and stepped forward, towards Cameron. “Look at you,” she murmured, reaching up to touch his face. Her fingers slid towards his hair. “I remember when you had the most beautiful curls. You hated them, but they were just like mine at the same age.”

“You always said they’d grow out one day,” Cameron said hoarsely, his grip on Molly so tight Juliet was sure there’d be bruises later, but loyal Molly said nothing. She probably couldn’t get the words out through the tears sliding down her face.

“You must be Molly,” Elizabeth said with a smile. “I remember the night you were born, and how terrified your father was at the hospital when he was finally able to be with you. He didn’t know what to do with a girl. Did he ever figure out?”

“He’s done all right, I guess,” Molly said softly. “He lives in New York now.”

Elizabeth looked next to Jake. “My beautiful little boy,” she murmured, stepping towards him. “I knew you’d look just like your father. His eyes, his hair.” She wrinkled her nose. “My nose and chin. I’m sorry about that.”

“Could be worse,” Jake managed to say. “I could have his ears.”

Elizabeth laughed, but it sounded almost like a sob. Jason and Cameron grinned, but Juliet couldn’t do anything.

“Your father says you’re a bit of a handful, but that you’re a good boy and that you look out for your sister.”

“I try, but she doesn’t make it easy,” Jake admitted. “Dad says she and Amalia are like you and Aunt Emily.”

“Oh, dear,” Elizabeth murmured, “I remember enough to know why Jason has so much gray hair.”

Finally, she looked at her daughter and Juliet steeled herself. There was nothing for her mother to say to her. No years of memories to draw on. There had been six months, and all Juliet had done was drool and poop. That was okay, they’d make new memories.

Elizabeth slowly walked towards her, their eyes locked on one another. “You’re so lovely,” she said. She reached out to smooth a hand down Juliet’s hair.

And then suddenly, all the things Juliet told herself flew right out the window. With a choked cry, she lunged forward and threw herself at her mother so hard it drove Elizabeth back an inch or two. And because Elizabeth Morgan was every inch a mother, she didn’t hesitate for a moment. She wrapped her arms around her daughter and drew her in tightly. “My little girl,” she murmured. “My beautiful little girl.”

She looked at her sons, standing there, both looking slightly envious, as if they wished they’d thought of just throwing themselves at her. “Come here,” she said, beckoning with a free arm.

To everyone’s surprise, it was Jake that crossed the room first to join his mother and sister, and it was Cameron that held back.

“Cam,” Molly said softly. “I promise you, she won’t disappear if you hug her.” She squeezed his hand. “Go.”

Cameron hesitated another moment before finally giving in and wrapping his long arms around his siblings and his mother.

“She remembers them,” Molly said, more to herself than anyone else, but Jason answered.

“She was afraid she wouldn’t.” He looked at the girl that his son loved enough to share this moment with. “She thought she wouldn’t remember her love for them.”

“It looks like that’s the one thing she does remember,” she responded.

Finally, Cameron, Jake and Juliet relinquished their hold on their mother, and stepped back, but only to let her have some breathing room. “I’m sorry,” Juliet said. “I told myself I shouldn’t–”

“Sweetheart,” Elizabeth caught her under her chin. “I’m going to be honest with you. I thought about not coming back. Of sending Jason home to tell you that it was all a mistake and I wasn’t who he thought I was.”

“Why?” Jake said, his eyes burning with tears he couldn’t let himself release.

“I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to remember any of you, that I would walk in this room and I wouldn’t know you,” Elizabeth admitted. She looked at Cameron, then at Jake, and finally Juliet. “You’ve grown up so much; you’re almost adults with lives of your own. How could I come back and get your hopes up if I couldn’t be the mother you deserve?”

“But you came anyway,” Juliet sniffled.

“I came anyway,” Elizabeth confirmed. She drew her daughter into a quick hug again. “And the second I walked into this room, I saw my babies again. My beautiful Cameron, who gave me a reason to go on when I was an unemployed single mother with a useless art degree. My precious Jake, who gave me the strength to get up in the morning when my marriage fell apart.” She looked at Juliet. “My little Juliet, who I dreamed of having, months before it was a reality. I knew you would be a girl, that my wonderful, perfect family would only be complete when you arrived.” She touched Cameron’s cheek, and then Jake’s. “I walked into this room, and I remembered my children. If I remember nothing and no one else, that will be enough.”

General Hospital: Amalia’s Room

As soon as Amalia opened her eyes and saw a white ceiling, she knew that something had gone tragically wrong with her plan. She was pretty sure she wasn’t dead, so the immediate goal had obviously failed.

She blinked a few times and slowly turned her head to the left. She recognized a hospital setting and then her eyes focused on a plastic chair that had been dragged from the corner to just beside her bed. Her father sat there, his head lolling back….snoring very loudly.

She hadn’t even known he snored.

Amalia turned her head to the right and realized then that her hand was intertwined with another — her mother sat in a matching plastic chair, but she was slumped over the bed, her head resting next to their hands. Nadine did not snore, so clearly Amalia took after her mother.

Amalia returned her gaze to the ceiling and remembered lying down on her bed at home. She thought she could remember some yelling, but that was somewhat blurry and she couldn’t remember distinct voices or words.

She cleared her throat experimentally and winced. Her throat was on fire. She twisted her head, hoping to find some water somewhere. She’d figure out what to do next….just as soon as she put out the blaze in her esophagus.

Her twisting on the bed must have jarred Nadine because the blonde shot up and looked around. “Amalia?” She looked at her daughter and squeezed her hand when she saw the open eyes. “Baby, thank God.”

Amalia opened her mouth and tried to say water, but all that came out was, “Ack.”

God Bless her mother the nurse, because Nadine immediately sprang into action. She grabbed the empty pitcher from the bedside table and disappeared into the bathroom. The running water woke her father — an amazing feat as Amalia knew that very few things were able to wake her I-Sleep-Like-The-Dead Dad. Johnny sat up and started to rub his eyes.

They stared at one another for a long moment before Nadine reappeared, the pitcher and a cup in her hand. She handed the cup to Amalia who drank it in two quick gulps. She tested her voice again, but “Ack” was really the only thing that resembled a word. She narrowed her eyes with some annoyance. She wanted answers, but without being able to ask the questions, she was screwed.

Her parents stared at each other for a moment, both unsure what to do or say before Nadine finally decided to go look for a doctor.

Johnny leaned forward, rested his elbows on the bed, and looked at her. “You scared the shit out of your mother and me.”

She almost rolled her eyes but thought better of it. She didn’t know what had happened really after she closed her eyes, so it was best not to make any reaction.

“We’ve screwed up with you, Li, we know that,” Johnny continued once Amalia had met his gaze again. “Nothing we do or say can ever make that better, but the things we’ve done to you so we can hurt each other…have nothing to do with how much we love you. It’s the only thing that we’ve agreed on for the past eleven years. We love you, Amalia. You were not a mistake, you were wanted very desperately, and you still are. I wish to God I could take back this last decade so I could make sure you went to bed and woke up every morning knowing that, but I can make a promise to you now.” He picked up her hand and pressed it to his cheek. “I will spend the rest of my life making up for the first part.”

He leaned forward a little. “Just so we’re clear, I love you, Amalia. You are the best thing in my life and the only thing that makes it worth waking up in the morning.”

Johnny sat back and Amalia studied him. Even if she could speak, she wasn’t sure what she’d say.

It was all nice to hear, but then again, were parents supposed to say anything else after their kid tried to kill herself?

Kelly’s: Courtyard

Kelly’s Diner had been part of Port Charles so long that many people thought it had been built when the city had been founded and for as long as anyone could remember, it had been a Spencer enterprise.

To Lucky Spencer, the current patriarch of the family, Kelly’s was more than an institution. It was a living reminder of the people that had once meant so much to him; from his brother Nikolas, the last close member of his family, to his long gone best friend Emily and to his first love, Elizabeth. This place was the setting that had defined their friendship all those years ago.

So it seemed fitting to Lucky that he should be sitting outside, in the courtyard, eating breakfast with someone he suspected might be the great love of his life when his first love walked back into his world after fourteen years of being absent.

He was transported back to those days when he’d been sixteen and she’d been fourteen, a wild child who wore skimpy clothes, smoked, drank and did anything she could to get attention. And he thought about all the days that came later — the devastation of her rape, the disintegration of his family, his brainwashing and their many forays in trying to recapture the halcyon days of their youth.

He saw her children standing with her, the two boys he’d wanted for his own behind her and Juliet, the living image he’d had to confront for so long, standing at Elizabeth’s side, arms intertwined.

“My God,” Lucky murmured, slowly rising to his feet. Across from him, Leyla Marquez followed suit. “Elizabeth.”

“Mom,” Cameron said, touching her shoulder. “I’m not sure if you remember–”

“Lucky Spencer,” Elizabeth cut in with a soft smile. She looked around the courtyard and her eyes narrowed somewhat. “And Kelly’s courtyard. The two are almost synonymous to me. You look…” Her nose wrinkled and a mischievous light snuck into her eyes. “You look old.”

Lucky laughed. “I have to say, honey, you don’t quite look like the girl who made fun of my name in this spot once a time. I’m so damn glad to see you, Elizabeth.” He glanced behind them. “Jason let you out of his sight?”

“We convinced him,” Juliet chirped. “He got to have her for a whole week to himself. We told him it was our turn and he needed to catch up on some work.” She beamed up at her mother, worship in her eyes. “Do you remember Mrs. Marquez?”

“The last name seems vaguely familiar…” Elizabeth frowned at Leyla. “And your face…”

“I married after…” Leyla trailed off. “Well, after. I would have been Leyla Mir at the time. We worked together at the hospital…” When no recognition kindled, she smiled. “We weren’t very close and I’m not altogether positive we worked together a great deal. You and Nadine were more surgical, I was in maternity for a long time.”

“I’m sure it will come to me soon,” Elizabeth said, but they could see this failure to recognize a coworker had not been well received. “I’ve remembered so much at first sight, you know, I guess it was inevitable that it would taper off. I’m just so grateful that I remember my children.” She patted Juliet’s shoulder. “I imagine it will come to me in time…Leyla, and if it doesn’t, well then we’ll just have to create new memories.”

“Of course,” Leyla replied, graciously. “I am so happy you’re home. Everyone at the hospital was incredibly grateful to hear the news.” She looked at Lucky. “I have to go work, so why don’t I leave you to catch up…”

Part of Lucky wanted to do just that…to just sit in front of Elizabeth and drink in the sight of her being healthy and alive, if a little unfamiliar with her surroundings, but that wasn’t something he had a right to do. Elizabeth was in his past, though it had taken him a great deal of time to put her there, and he very much wanted Leyla to be his future.

“I’m sure Elizabeth and the kids have so much to do today,” Lucky said finally. “We’ll catch up soon and with Nikolas in town…” He looked at Elizabeth.  “He wants to see you as much.”

“Of course,” Elizabeth nodded, but only a vague sense of recognition lit her eyes. “We’ll have to do that. I’ve asked the kids to take me to some of the people I remember — Robin and Patrick should be next.”

With one last glance at the diner and courtyard that had painted so many memories in her life — most she couldn’t remember, Elizabeth and the kids disappeared back into the parking lot.

“You should talk to her, Lucky,” Leyla said. “I remember that you were very close–”

“And I hope we can be again,” Lucky responded. He took her hand in his. “But that was a long time ago, Leyla. We’re not those kids anymore and I’ve already wasted too much of my life trying to be him again. I like who I am now…and who I’m with.”

General Hospital: Hallway Outside Amalia’s Room

Amalia was asleep again, or maybe she was pretending to be — it was hard to know for sure. Johnny closed the door behind him and leaned against it, and studied his ex-wife standing across the hall. “I’m sorry.”

Nadine frowned and looked at him with tired eyes. “For what?”

“When you came to tell me you were getting married to Nikolas, I threw a tantrum and made things difficult. I made noises about custody and…” He looked down at the floor. “It occurs to me that the more we threw Amalia in the middle, the more damage we did to her. I did it to needle you and I can only guess you did the same for similar reasons. I know we didn’t do it to hurt her but–”

“It was a way to hold on,” Nadine said softly. “And when she was five or six, it didn’t matter as much. After that, she had to testify and God, we just kept doing it to her…” She blinked and looked at ceiling. “I love her so much, Johnny, but when I really look at what I did to her, what we did…it kills me.” She wiped her eyes and cleared her throat. “I talked to Ian earlier. They’re holding her on a three day psychiatric order, which is the standard procedure, but she’ll make a full recovery.”

“And then what?” Johnny murmured. “I wish I could say that telling her we love her will solve everything–”

“I asked Ian to look around and find the best therapist,” Nadine told him. “A family therapist. We all need to go. Even if it’s just to show Amalia that we love her, that we support her. I know you hate that kind of thing–”

“No, I think you’re right. I think we all need to go.”  Johnny crossed the hall and took Nadine’s hand in his. “We’re still a family, Nadine, and we need to show that to our daughter.”

Morgan Home: Study

“You didn’t want this room.”

Jason glanced up from paperwork that he’d been staring at blankly for almost twenty minutes to find Elizabeth standing at the door. Had it really been fourteen years since he’d looked up to that sight?

“It was one of the only things you argued about when we bought this house,” Elizabeth continued, entering the room and closing the door behind her. “You didn’t want to bring your work home.”

“I wanted it away from all of you,” Jason said quietly. “But I had no choice…”

“Cameron mentioned that you’d never hired any sort of nanny or a baby-sitter, for that matter. They were always with you or one of our friends.” Elizabeth crossed to the window and smiled sadly. “When I first saw you again, memories tumbled back so fast I could hardly keep up with them…and after I saw the kids, I thought maybe I would keep getting them back.”

“The trip around town didn’t go well?”

“I know you wanted to go, but I thought…” she sighed.  “I wanted a little space.”

“I don’t mean to smother you,” Jason said, his throat tightening. “I…arranged with Carly to a hold a suite at the hotel if you don’t want to stay here–”

“Jason…” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “You’re not smothering me.” She turned to look back at him. “It’s just…I feel this pressure when you look at me, and I’m so sorry because I just don’t…” She gestured. “I know we’re married and I feel…” She huffed and shook her head. “God, I just don’t know what to say.”

Jason was silent for a long time. He set his papers aside and joined her at the window. “I won’t lie and say that I don’t want…things between us to be the way they were. I know they can’t be. For the last fourteen years, I wasn’t sure if you were alive somewhere, or if you’d been dead all the while. You’re standing in front of me. I’ll try to let that be enough.”

“It’s not enough for me,” Elizabeth replied. “I walked around this town and I could feel that this was my home, but I couldn’t remember people I worked with, people I called friends. I saw Lucky Spencer at Kelly’s and I know he was important to me but I don’t really remember why, I don’t know who his brother is to me and it frustrates me, Jason, because this was my life and I want it back.” Tears sparked in her lashes and she squeezed her eyes shut. “I want those years back. I want my life, my career, my family…I want it back.”

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