There was a time you’d let me know
What’s real and going on below
But now you never show it to me do you?
Remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah
— Hallelujah, Rufus Wainwright

——–

“Jocelyn Marie Quartermaine!”

Eight-year-old Jocelyn looked up at the sound of her mother’s angry voice, guilt written all over her face. “What, Mom? I didn’t do anything.”

Courtney Quartermaine folded her arms and waited, with an eyebrow raised expectantly. Finally Jocelyn cracked.

“All right. I won’t try and shove Steven out the window anymore,” Jocelyn grumbled, pushing her blonde bangs out of her brown eyes.

“That’s not what I was talking about,” Courtney said. “Mrs. Miller called. You were kicked out of day camp.”

“Oh. That.” Jocelyn frowned. “Well, it was mainly Mandy Corinthos’ fault. She said something about my father being a drunk, so naturally, I had to say something about her father being a mobster. And then Drew called Daddy a…” Jocelyn stopped and thought for a moment. “Well, it was a very bad word.”

“And you had to give him a black eye?” Courtney asked. “Jo, he’s your cousin. They’re both your cousins.”

“They suck,” Jocelyn replied plainly. “They’re stuck-up. They think they’re all that just ’cause they live in fancy penthouse and we live in a cottage.” She snorted. “Joke’s on them.” She grinned. “Besides, Eddie told me that they don’t even live there anymore.”

Courtney let her arms fall to her side. “What?” she asked, her voice concerned. “What do you mean?”

“Eddie says that Mandy and Drew have been staying with the Spencers,” Jocelyn confided. “And-”

“Jo, how many times have I told you–don’t spread gossip,” Courtney chastised.

“Fine,” Jocelyn shrugged. “Am I done being yelled at?”

“Don’t let it happen again,” Courtney warned. The doorbell rang, distracting her. “Go to your room the rest of the night and that’s your punishment.”

Jocelyn climbed the stairs to her room and Courtney went to answer the door. She pulled it open and frowned. “Michael.”

“Um, hi, Court,” Michael said, slightly uncomfortable around the woman who was supposed to be his aunt. He’d left Jason and Elizabeth’s after a disastrous dinner and had ended up at cottage where Courtney and AJ lived.

“Hey…” Courtney trailed off. “Not to be rude, but…what are you doing here?” she asked.

“Is AJ here?” Michael asked, gesturing towards the inside of the house.

“Um, no, he’s not, actually. He’s at the hospital.” Courtney tilted her head a little. “Can I tell him anything?”

“Um…” Michael shrugged a little. “Can you tell him that I found out the truth and I’d like to talk to him?”

“The truth?” Courtney nodded, understanding. “Oh. You know…”

“That AJ’s my dad….yeah…I found that out,” Michael replied.

“Oh…wow…” Courtney leaned against the doorframe. “I didn’t think you’d ever find out.”

“Yeah, well,” Michael looked away. “If my parents had had anything to say about it, I wouldn’t have. I overheard Sonny throwing it in Mom’s face…right before he threw her out.”

“I’m sorry,” Courtney said. “That must have been difficult.”

“Yeah, well, I’m dealing with it.” Michael shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Well, just tell AJ that I stopped by.”

“I’ll do that,” Courtney replied. She watched Michael walk away and sighed.

She’d never thought this day would come.

She shut the door and leaned against it for a minute before pushing away and heading for the phone.

—-

Carly sighed. “It’s not your fault, Jase.”

“I shouldn’t have left,” Jason murmured, his clasped hands against mouth, muffling the sounds. “I should have stayed here.”

“Lu thought Liz was asleep. Emily was only stopping by to see the kids,” Carly tried to assure her.

“She’s crying again and she locked the door.” Jason just shook his head. “She was doing so much better.”

“I wish there something I could do,” Carly murmured, rubbing Jason’s back.

Jason sighed and took a deep breath. “The kids are asleep right?”

“Yeah. I put Drew and Davie together and the girls in the other room.” Carly frowned. “Drew got a black eye at camp today.”

Jason’s jaw clenched. “Who punched him?”

“Jocelyn, Courtney and AJ’s kid,” Carly said. “I know Jo–she’s not a violent kid, so I’m sure the twins aren’t completely innocent.”

“Probably not,” Jason agreed. “Where’s Michael?”

Carly shrugged. “He took a walk after dinner. I guess he’s not back yet.” She rubbed her eyes wearily. “I really appreciate you letting me and kids crash here.”

“It’s not a problem,” Jason said. “I think having the house full will help Elizabeth from withdrawing.”

“It’s only temporary,” Carly promised. “Luke is looking into a few things for more–believe it or not, Brenda’s old cottage is available. I might arrange to buy it.”

“You and Sonny might work this out,” Jason said.

“It’s impossible,” Carly said, quietly. “He’s convinced he’s right and I’m of being ashamed of who I am. I scheme, I lie, and I do stupid things. But that’s who I am. Why should I change and still have him not accept me?”

“So, you’re saying that you don’t want to work it out?” Jason asked incredulously.

Carly shifted on the couch and tucked her legs underneath her. “It’s not that. I mean, Sonny and I…Jase, I love him. And I always will. But it’s not always enough. He doesn’t respect me–and he doesn’t trust me. I don’t understand why I should have to put up with it.”

“You shouldn’t make a decision so quickly.” Jason leaned back and put his arm on the back of the couch. “Ending a marriage is such a large decision–especially one that has children and that’s lasted as long as yours.”

“Entering a marriage is just as big a deal,” Carly pointed out. “And the only reason Sonny and I are even together is that night of…” she wrinkled her nose. “I guess you could call it anger sex.” She twisted the hem of her shirt in her hand. “I don’t know if a marriage that began like that should last.”

“Look, I’m not going to argue–the way the two of you started out–it was unconventional,” Jason said. “But you love each other.”

“Right,” Carly agreed. She rubbed her forehead. “Okay, you and Elizabeth, you’re in love right?”

“Of course,” Jason replied.

“You’d lay down your life for each other,” Carly continued. “Sonny and I…we have that.”

“Which is why you can work this out,” Jason said.

“But you trust Elizabeth, don’t you?” Carly asked. “When she walks in the door, you’re not automatically wondering what she was doing and where she was and if she’s going to lie to you about it. No, if you wanted to know, you’d ask and you’d get the honest answer.”

“Right,” Jason said, slowly, understanding where Carly was going.

“Is it so bad to want someone to trust me like that?” Carly asked quietly.

“No,” Jason replied. “It’s not.” He reached out and grasped her fingers. “If you need me, I’m here for you.”

“Thanks,” Carly said. The door opened then and Michael entered. Carly sat up. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Michael eyed his mother. “I went to AJ’s.”

Jason could feel Carly tense beside him and raised himself off the couch. “I’m going to get my lock picks and open the door so I can go to sleep. Night, Carly. Night, Michael.”

Michael frowned as Jason passed him and went upstairs. “Lock picks?”

“Don’t ask.” Carly patted the seat Jason had just vacated. “So, how did it go?”

Michael sat down and studied his mother. “You’re okay with the fact that I might want to talk to him?”

“Actually, no.” Carly gave her son a weak smile. “I’d rather you stay as far away from him as possible. But you’re a young man and I trust you to make your own decisions.”

“Thanks,” Michael said gratefully. He took a deep breath. “He wasn’t there, so I told Court to let him know I stopped by and that I knew.”

“I’ll give AJ credit–he has stayed sober for ten years,” Carly said, grudgingly. “And he has made Courtney happy.”

Michael smirked. “That looked painful.”

“It was.” Carly sighed. “So…are you going to try and get to know him?”

Michael shrugged. “I don’t know. I want to at least connect, you know? To keep my options open.” He leaned back against the couch, his head tilted up. “You make any decisions yet?”

“Not really,” Carly admitted. “I’m toying with buying this old cottage–it’s actually out in the neighborhood where AJ and Courtney live. But I think I have to discuss this with Sonny first. We haven’t even talked about Mandy and Drew.” She eyed Michael. “I guess it’s safe to say you don’t want to be part of any custody arrangements?”

Michael frowned and turned his head to the side. “I don’t know how I feel about him. I mean…he raised me–he loved me. But he threw you out in a second and even threw my adoption in your face. How can I reconcile the man I knew as my dad to the one I met the night the truth came out?”

“No one can figure that out except for you,” Carly said softly.

“Same goes for you, Mom,” Michael replied.

“Thanks, kid.” Carly stood up and stretched. “Well, I’d better get some sleep. I think I might have to go into the warehouse.”

“Why?” Michael asked, pushing himself off the couch.

“Well, if Sonny doesn’t come in, someone needs to look after things.” Carly headed towards the stairs. “And Jason needs to be here. Francis will call if he needs someone.”

“I’ll make sure Mandy and Drew get to camp tomorrow,” Michael said. “Lu and I are going to enroll Dee and Davie, we think that might help.”

“Oh, Alexis called,” Carly said, suddenly remembering. “Mandy’s a match, so I have to take her to the hospital tomorrow.” She sighed. “She called on the way here, but with everything that happened with Liz, I guess it slipped my mind.”

“Does Mandy know?” Michael asked.

“She knows she’s helping a friend of mine, but no, she doesn’t know about Christie being family and I don’t think Christie knows either.”

“It’ll come out,” Michael warned.

“Yeah. Well, everything does eventually,” Carly replied.

—-

Emily laid in her bed, listening to the sounds of her mother and father moving around downstairs. Since it was the only sounds in the house, it was pretty easy to discern where they were.

She should be asleep–but she couldn’t get the image of her best friend out of her mind. She’d only wanted to see Delilah and David; she hadn’t meant to run into Elizabeth.

“I only want to stay a few minutes,” Emily said. “She’s asleep right?”

“Yeah,” Lu said. “Come on in. The kids will be glad to see you.”

Emily entered and was immediately confronted with a squealing Dee and an excitedly jabbering Davie.

“Hey guys,” Emily said, tousling their hair affectionately. “How are you?”

“We’re fine,” Dee chirped. She frowned. “You’re still fat.”

Emily laughed. “That’s because I’m pregnant.”

“Oh…I thought that because Mama wasn’t gonna have a baby, you weren’t neither,” Dee said innocently.

Davie looked at Emily there, his blue eyes somber. “Mama said she lost the baby. Do you know where she put it?”

Before Emily could say anything, she heard a horrified gasp and she turned suddenly. Elizabeth stood at the top of the stairs, her brown hair disheveled, her arms wrapped around her abdomen and tears shining in her dark blue eyes.

“Uh…Liz…” Emily said, smiling shakily. “Hi.”

She could see Elizabeth’s body trembling from down here and within seconds she’d whirled around and disappeared upstairs.

She hadn’t stayed after that–had gone straight home. She’d ignored the dozens of phone messages and hadn’t answered the phone when the agency she’d contracted to open Wyndemere had called.

Lucky was still calling–thinking she’d change her mind. But Emily had made up her mind–she was done with being a second choice and no one could convince her to be anything else.

She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer for her best friend. No matter what Emily felt Elizabeth had done in the past, she didn’t deserve the type of pain she was going through. No woman did.

And she could only hope she and her brother would get through this.

—-

AJ rubbed his forehead and shifted on the couch. “You’re saying that Michael knows the truth.”

Courtney nodded somberly. “Yeah. He found out when Sonny and Carly were fighting about something.”

“Did he….did he seem upset or anything?” AJ asked.

Courtney shook her head. “No. He seemed calm. He wanted you to know he knew the truth and that he stopped by.”

“I just can’t believe…after all this time…that he knows the truth.” AJ stared ahead. “I always just thought that…he’d never know. That we’d go through life being strangers.”

“Does that bother you?” Courtney asked, leaning her head against the back of the couch. “That your son might not have known?”

“Of course,” AJ replied. “But I knew I’d made mistakes–that I was partly to blame for the whole situation–and I know how badly I handled the entire situation.”

“You’re not that person anymore,” Courtney argued. “You’re so much better than that–and Michael’s going to find that out.”

“Do you think he wants to be part of my life….of our life?” AJ asked, a little eagerly.

Courtney smiled and reached out to touch his face. “I hope so. Because you deserve a chance to finally be a father to your son.”

“Thank you,” AJ said, his brown eyes locked on her blue ones. “You have no idea how much your love, faith and trust has done for me.”

“It’s nothing you wouldn’t have done for me,” Courtney replied. She leaned forward to pull him into a soft kiss.

—–

Alexis stared through the window at Christie who was being prepped for one of tomorrow’s many tests. She felt Ned’s hand on her shoulder and she grasped it eagerly. “I just can’t believe it.”

“Carly just called,” Ned replied, pulling Alexis towards him and wrapping his arms around her waist. “She’s talked to Mandy and they’ll be here in the morning.”

“Any idea how she is?” Alexis asked, peering up at him.

“No…” Ned sighed. “But she’s staying with Jason and Elizabeth–I could tell from the Caller ID.”

“I wonder what she told Mandy,” Alexis said. “And how are we supposed to explain this to our baby?”

“We’ll think of something,” Ned replied, tightening his hold. “I was thinking of bringing Eddie by before the surgery. He’s so worried about everyone–Alan and Monica are trying, but I guess not seeing his parents or sister for so long…”

Alexis smiled a little. “We’ll bring him in tomorrow when she gets back. I know I haven’t been home with him–but I just felt like Christie needed me more.”

“It’s all right to feel that way,” Ned replied. He pressed a kiss to her temple. “We’re going to come through this, Alexis, I know it.”

“You know,” she said, closing her eyes and leaning against him. “I think I finally believe that.”

—-

Jason finally slipped into bed and laid on his back, staring at the ceiling. He was beginning to miss the way he and Elizabeth used to sleep–neither one of them ever stayed on their own sides, they’d always ended up in the center of the bed.

He turned his head on the pillow and looked at her, curled up tightly on her side. He wished he’d been here earlier when Emily had been by. He didn’t blame his little sister–the kids were attached to their aunt and had been asking about her.

He only wished Elizabeth hadn’t seen Emily or heard what Dee and Davie had said. They were only children and had no idea how cutting their words could be.

Without thinking, his arm drifted across the gap and stroked her shoulder lightly. At the touch, she rolled over and peered at him. “Hi.”

Surprised, he replied, “Hey.” He shifted closer. “You all right?”

She gave a little shrug and turned her face away. “I’ll be fine,” she whispered, her voice broken.

Unwilling to let her turn away completely and sleep in a tight little ball, he tugged on her arm and she shifted closer to her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and she hugged his side.

“I know I’m not being fair,” she whispered, resting her head against his chest. “I know that they don’t really mean it–that Emily still being pregnant isn’t anyone’s fault–but I just…” she sucked in a deep breath, “I can’t help it.”

He felt her warm tears on her chest and hugged more tightly. “I know. It’s okay. Emily understands.”

“Why does it hurt so much?” Elizabeth sobbed. “Why can’t I just let it go?”

He sighed and rested his head against the top of hers. “Because it was our child and we loved him or her. We made plans–and now we have to get used to the child being gone. It’s only been a few days, Elizabeth. No one expects you to bounce right back.”

“I love you so much,” she whispered brokenly.

“I love you, too,” Jason replied. He listened to her tears and didn’t succumb to slumber until long after she’d fallen asleep and her tears had dried from his chest.

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