When Gia Campbell had suggested the game, Elizabeth had been slightly intoxicated. All right–she’d been smashed. Otherwise, she never would have agreed.
Well she might have–just not in front of her best friends.
Find a guy. Sleep with him. No names.
It couldn’t be that hard, right? Elizabeth had known a lot of guys in her life–they were almost always horny. Always looking for sex.
All she’d have to do is dress up, head into a bar and the guys should take care of the rest of it.
Gia, anticipating the fact that they’d probably pull out once they were sober, had made them sign contracts. Basically, they’d had to sign their name stating they’d do it on a napkin. Damn Gia–she’d have to be a law student.
Gia had assigned them separate places to look. She’d given herself Club 101, Carly had gotten Luke’s, Brenda the Outback and Elizabeth…?
Elizabeth had gotten Jake’s, a bar on the docks that all the dockworkers went to after work. Gia had thought she was making Elizabeth’s job difficult–but Gia also didn’t know that Elizabeth was a regular there and good friends with the woman who owned it.
Elizabeth tightened the robe around her waist and pursed her lips as she perused her closet. Skirts–you never wore those to a bar. Even if you were looking for a one-night stand. It was easy access for guys who didn’t know better.
And she’d met a lot of guys who didn’t know better.
See, Elizabeth liked sex. She knew that in most circles, that probably made her slut, but she didn’t really care. She was twenty-one, in college, on her own and carried at least three condoms everywhere she went. She was responsible about it and as long as no one got hurt–
Well, what were a few one-night stands?
Elizabeth’s best friends had no idea about this little hobby of hers. She wasn’t sure why she’d never told them. It wasn’t like they were saints. Carly Benson alone had probably beaten her in the number of guys they’d slept with. Gia had just broken up with her boyfriend and was going a little wild. Brenda was usually restrained, but you get enough tequila in her–watch out.
Elizabeth was the youngest in the group and considered the little sister. Maybe that’s why she never confided in them.
But after tonight? Maybe she could prove she wasn’t as innocent as they liked to believe.
She pushed aside a pair of jeans and pulled the leather pants she’d bought on a whim a few months ago. She grinned and headed to the other side of the closet where she flipped through her tank tops and dug out the black one she’d stopped wearing when it’d shrunk a size too small in the washer.
The phone rang as Elizabeth was arranging her brown curls in a casual disarray. She reached out with one hand and clicked the speaker phone.
“Hello?” she asked, picking up the cover up and applying a light coat to her face.
“Webber, it’s me,” Gia’s voice wafted through the room. “Just making sure you’re not chickening out.”
Elizabeth smirked as she applied the smoky gray eye shadow. “Not a chance. Since when I have I backed down from something I’d said I do?”
“Well–”
“Don’t bring up that again,” Elizabeth groaned. She closed the eye shadow and picked up the eye liner. “Lucky Spencer was an idiot. There was no way I was going to date him.”
“All right, fair enough. So, you’re going to go through with this?” Gia asked, her voice a little doubtful.
Elizabeth just shook her head. “I’m not a virgin, Gia. I can handle a one-night stand, you know.”
“You know…” Gia hesitated. “About safety and all that.”
Elizabeth almost burst out laughing. They really did think she was an innocent little girl. “Of course, Gia.”
“Well, it’s just Brenda was making a big stink about dragging you into this plan and I was feeling a little bad. I mean, you haven’t been with a lot of guys–”
“What makes you say that?” Elizabeth asked, leaning forward to apply the mascara. She set it back on the dresser and studied her reflection in the mirror.
Gia didn’t reply right away–seemed a little stunned actually. “Elizabeth. What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked finally.
“Exactly what I meant to say,” Elizabeth reply, digging through a pile of make up to retrieve just the right shade of red. “I’m not some innocent little girl the three of you need to lead around because you feel sorry for me.”
“We…We never–ever–thought of you like that,” Gia said, firmly.
Elizabeth snorted. “Could have fooled me.”
“You don’t have to do this,” Gia told her. “You don’t have to do this to prove yourself.”
“I’m not doing this to prove myself,” Elizabeth retorted. She capped the lipstick and fluffed her hair out once more. She studied her reflection again and seemed satisfied with what she saw. “I’m doing this because it’s Saturday night.” She paused and then went into for the kill. “And I do this every Saturday night.”
Before Gia could manage a reply, Elizabeth swiftly hit the disconnect button and jerked her leather jacket off the back of a chair. She pulled it on and flipped her hair out from underneath the collar. She was pissed now–she’d never had confirmation of her friends’ pity for her–but Gia had just validated her thoughts.
—————-
“Hey, Liz,” Jake said as Elizabeth slipped onto a bar stool in front of her. “Can’t say I’m surprised you’re back again.”
Elizabeth smiled. “You know I love this place. I’d much rather go here than some stuffy old club like the Outback or Club 101.”
Jake smiled proudly. “I do have a unique establishment, don’t I?”
“You do,” Elizabeth agreed. She looked around and frowned. The bar was usually packed by this time of night. Instead, there were a few men at the bar and a couple at the pool table. “Where is everyone?”
“Oh, the Quartermaines gave their workers the day off,” Jake supplied. “I don’t know why–but they’re not coming in here to work off steam.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth shrugged. Just made her job a little more challenging. She gave the bartender and owner a bright smile. “The usual.”
Jake slid a bottle of beer across the counter and sighed. “You know, a bright and intelligent girl could be doing so much more with her life.”
“I am,” Elizabeth said, defensively. “I’m going to school and I’ve got a job. I just like to blow off steam every once in a while.” She slid off the barstool and perused the bar again looking for a likely candidate. A smile crossed her face as she found her prey. He was familiar–like she’d seen him somewhere outside the bar. He was in the back, playing pool at a table by himself.
Elizabeth licked her lips as she studied his form leaning over the table, lining up another shot. Short spiky dark blonde hair, muscular forearms. She’d be willing to bet any amount of money that the rest of him looked just as yummy.
Jake shook her head in amusement as Elizabeth Webber took her jacket off, slung it over her left arm and headed over to Jason Morgan’s pool table, beer in hand.
She’d seen Elizabeth’s look of determination and knew that when Elizabeth decided she wanted something–
She almost always got it.
—————-
Elizabeth set the beer on a nearby table and put the jacket over the back of one of the chairs. “I don’t suppose there’s room for one more,” she said.
Jason Morgan looked, ready to say no when his eyes connected first with the black leather pants. His gaze seemed locked on the waist of the woman and the tight as a second skin pants. He finally drug his eyes past her breasts encased in a small–very–small black tank top and looked her face. The expectant look in her smoky blue eyes, the generous lips painted a dark red that just begged to be kissed off.
“Sure,” he found himself saying. He grinned quickly, indicating the rack of pool cues. “I’m always in the mood to win.”
She raised one dark slim eyebrow and put a hand on her hips. “Are you?” she asked. “Well, I hate losing,” she remarked as she selected one of the cues. She took out of the rack and picked up the chalk to rub it on top. She met his eyes. “And I never lose.”
Jason broke away from her eyes to rack the balls. There was just something incredible about this woman who had just showed up at his table. Most patrons knew who he was and didn’t come near him. He was Jason Morgan, Sonny Corinthos’ right hand man. The hitman and enforcer for the mob.
Whether this woman didn’t recognize him or didn’t care who he was–it was something different, that’s for sure.
“You can break,” he said after a few moments. She smirked and slid past him, relishing in the sharp intake of breath she heard as her bottom brushed the front of his jeans for a few minutes.
This was almost too easy.
They played in silence for the most part. Elizabeth made sure to brush past him a few more times, slid her fingers suggestively up and down the pool cue. She could hear him swallowing almost every time it was her turn.
But then he turned the tables. After one of her turns, he brushed in front of her–his back coming in contact with her breasts and she’d had to struggle not to gasp in pleasure. The mere sight of this man had aroused her, but she needed to downplay it.
She wanted to be the one in charge and it just wouldn’t work if he knew just how much he was affecting her.
As the game neared its end–they were both competing heavily, at this point either one of them could win–Elizabeth leaned against the table and watched him line up another shot. “You know,” she said, “what would make this more fun?”
Jason made his shot and looked up at the vixen who’d been driving him insane the entire night. “And what would that be?” he asked.
“Raising the stakes,” Elizabeth replied. He lined up another shot, having sunk a ball in the previous turn.
Jason missed the shot and straightened. She didn’t say anything at first as she studied the table to make her next shot. She found it and started to move past him. Jason gripped the left hip, stilling her movement and planting her right in front of him, pressed up against him. Her eyes flared a little as she realized exactly how much the stakes were raised already. “What did you have in mind?” he murmured.
She licked her lips, drawing his eyes to her mouth again. “If I win,” she began, tilting her head back to look up at him, “I get a ride.”
“A ride?” Jason repeated, knowing exactly what she meant and loving the idea. An idea sparked in him and he smirked. “All right. And if I win, I get to take you for a ride.”
The corners of her mouth quirked up in a little smile and she nodded. “Sounds fair.”
Ten minutes later, Jason sank the winning shot and straightened up. “I guess I win.”
Elizabeth glared at the table. “I can’t believe this. I’ve never lost at pool before.”
“There’s a first time for everything,” Jason teased. “So, you want that ride?”
Elizabeth finished her beer and grabbed her jacket. “Definitely.”
He took her hand and Elizabeth frowned when he led her past the stairs and towards the front doors. He pushed open the door and suddenly Elizabeth narrowed her eyes.
The man had a motorcycle. That was his big “ride.”
Shit. She should have tried harder. She should have known it wasn’t going to be easy. She’d taken it for granted that he’d be a pushover.
Shit shit shit.
He pulled a helmet off the back and handed it to her. “Here.” When Elizabeth reached out for it, he held it back. “Wait.”
Elizabeth sighed impatiently. She was already going to lose this game–that’s what she got for letting for hormones lead the way. “What?”
“I never got your name,” Jason said.
Elizabeth shrugged. This night was a loss–might as well as toss it completely down the drain. “Elizabeth.”
“Just Elizabeth?” Jason asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah,” Elizabeth replied. She waited for a few seconds before she sighed again, “What’s your name?”
Jason hesitated. There was every possibility that the second he gave his first name, it might connect in her mind.
And he’d lose whatever leverage he had.
He was never one to lie to anyone so he said it. “Jason.”
Elizabeth nodded and understanding dawned in her eyes. “Now I know where I know you.”
He frowned. “Oh, really.”
“Yeah,” Elizabeth replied. “You were at Emily Quartermaine’s graduation party this spring. She’s a year a head of me in school, but we had a class together.”
Shit. This girl was only twenty-one. And a friend of his baby sister’s to boot. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
“We didn’t really know each other all that well,” Elizabeth continued. “But she knew Brenda and Brenda drug me along for the ride.”
And she knew Brenda Barrett. This just didn’t seem to be Jason’s night.
Elizabeth frowned. “So, you reneging on your offer?” she asked.
“What?” Jason asked, tuning back in to her. “What do you mean?”
She held her hand out for the helmet. “Aren’t we supposed to be going somewhere?” she asked pointedly. “I mean, I don’t especially know where, but you seemed to have a destination in mind.”
He had. His penthouse. But he was beginning to reconsider the idea. He hesitated another moment and looked down at her.
Wait–why should he? She’d made it blatantly obvious what she wanted. The whole ride wager–well, if that hadn’t convinced him, the way she’d been looking or the way she’d been holding the pool cue all night definitely tipped him off.
She was over eighteen–over twenty-one. She appeared to know what she was doing and it wasn’t like he was going to force her to do anything. They were both adults.
He handed her the helmet. “I think I have a way to make both of us happy,” he told her.
Elizabeth smirked and took the helmet from him. “Oh, really?” she asked, looking up at him.
In one swift movement, his hand snaked around her waist and pulled her against him. He searched her eyes for any sign that she didn’t want him this close or for any sign of hesitancy. When he didn’t find one, he grinned and leaned down.
She tilted her head up even further to meet his lips. It crossed her mind just before their lips made contacts that she’d already broke two of Gia’s rules. They’d exchanged names.
And she was definitely emotionally involved now.
They kissed with a fierce intensity, exploring each other’s mouths, fighting for control. The helmet dropped to the ground as Elizabeth threaded her fingers through his dark blonde hair. His mouth devoured hers greedily, his hands at the small of her back, holding her close.
When the need for oxygen became too much to ignore, they broke away, each sucking in air.
When Elizabeth felt calm enough to speak, she asked, “So…your place or mine?”
He swept the helmet from the ground, and handed it to her. “My place.”
She hooked the chin strap and swung her leg over the seat and scooted up behind him, letting her hands trail of the muscles of his chest.
“Hey, watch where you’re putting those,” he chastised, turning the engine on. “We want to make it there in one piece, don’t we?”
—————-
Jason closed the door behind them as Elizabeth looked around his apartment–or penthouse, as it clearly was. It was nearly bare–a few pieces of furniture and a pool table.
She frowned. Jason lived in Harborview Towers. Sonny Corinthos lived here, too. It was always in the papers–
Oh.
Oh.
She turned to look at him. “You’re Jason Morgan, aren’t you?” she asked.
He looked away for a second before meeting her gaze and holding it. “Yeah.”
She bit her lip and only hesitated for a second. “Webber.”
“What?” Jason asked, confused.
“That’s my last name,” Elizabeth replied. “Elizabeth Webber.”
“Oh.” Jason searched his mind for the name. Now that he thought about it, Brenda Barrett had mentioned her a few times. Mainly as a girl she’d met through Gia Campbell. The girl was supposed to be young and kind of innocent. Brenda had often remarked that she was taking her under her wing.
He found himself wondering how her friends had ever got the idea that Elizabeth was innocent.
He was jerked out of his thoughts by the feeling of her small hands on his chest. “So,” she asked, “Are you going to stand there staring into space all night or–”
She never finished her thought as he took her arms and held them at her sides while he devoured her mouth again. She kissed him back just as hard–eradicating any thoughts that might be lingering in his mind about what Elizabeth had wanted to do tonight.
He let go of her arms and they wound tightly around his neck, trying to pull him even closer to her body. He broke away from her mouth and trailed his mouth down her jaw line to her neck and finally her collarbone. She tilted back to give him better access and when she got frustrated by the clothing between them, she pushed him away.
“What–” Jason was cut off when Elizabeth reached for the hem of his shirt and jerked it over his head. She let it fall to the floor as she leaned forward to kiss his chest. Her lips closed over his nipple and he tensed, threading her fingers in her curls.
After a few moments of that delicious torture, Elizabeth pulled away again and crossed her arms to pull off her tank top. It was Jason’s turn to have a little fun and he pulled towards the couch, going slowly so that she could change her mind if she wanted to.
She didn’t and let him lay her gently on the leather couch. He was over her in a second, adjusting himself so he wasn’t crushing her. When he was comfortable, he leaned down and took one of her nipples in his mouth. She almost bucked right off the couch, but he held her down with one of his hands as he suckled.
“Oh, god,” Elizabeth moaned, squirming a little under his ministrations. Jason switched sides and lavished the same amount of attention to her other breast.
After a few more minutes, Jason raised himself up and captured her mouth in a soft kiss before pulling away. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed, kissing the side of her neck.
Elizabeth would have said something but he was pulling her pants off and she was too interested in what came next. She was getting a little antsy. Foreplay was nice and all, but she was becoming way too hot to concentrate anything else but the thought of—
Jason’s finger pushed inside of her, effectively breaking into Elizabeth’s thoughts. He stroked her—soft at first but as her moans got louder and she got closer, he slipped another finger in and kept his eyes on her as she closed her eyes and cried out. “Oh–J–Jason!”
He watched her orgasm wash over her and withdrew her fingers. She whimpered and opened her eyes, her breathing still heavy. “Jason–”
“Hold on,” he told her. “I just have to go upstairs–”
“No, no,” Elizabeth argued. She sat up a little and searched the room desperately. “My purse,” she told him.
He was back in a matter of seconds, but had taken the time to shed his jeans and boxers. The condom was in place when he slid back between her legs. Her legs raised instinctively to cradle him. “Are you sure?” he asked for the first time, meeting her eyes.
She nodded. “Definitely,” she promised. One of her arms was around his neck, the other on his back and Elizabeth moaned as he slid inside of her. “Oh, good lord,” she breathed, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. He thrust inside her again and she raised her hips to meet him. They eventually found a rhythm and she clutched at his back as her second orgasm of the night drew closer.
“Oh, my god,” she moaned. Elizabeth bit her lip and closed her eyes again.
She tried to hold back, tried to wait for him, but it proved impossible. “Sweet leaping Je–sus,” Elizabeth cried out.
He chuckled and thrust once more before finding his release as well. Spent, he collapsed on top of her for a few seconds. He raised his head and brought one of his hands up to push her sweaty hair off her forehead. “So.”
Elizabeth gave him a tired smile. “So.”
“I figure we could go upstairs,” he told her. She frowned when he pulled out of her. He stood and disposed of the condom before holding his hand out to her. Elizabeth stood, a little self-conscious. “Because, you know, you still have two more condoms,” he continued. “And the bed’s a little more comfortable.”
Elizabeth grinned. “Sounds good to me.”
She grabbed her purse and laughed as Jason hooked an arm under knees and swept her into his arms. “Swept right off my feet,” she drawled as he headed for the stairs.
“I knew you were trouble the second I laid eyes on you,” he mused.
Elizabeth sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, thinking she could spend the rest of her life contently wrapped in his arms. “Yeah, well, I don’t think you quite mind the kind of trouble I’m going to cause you.”
The promise in her voice made him grin. “Oh, I think I think we’re going to cause a lot of trouble together.”
“Sounds good to me,” she laughed as he kicked his bedroom door open.
When he’d first followed the tiny VW Bug, Officer Jason Morgan had no idea that he was about to pull over the very irate pregnant wife of the police commissioner, Ric Lansing.
And now her car had quit and Mrs–Miss Webber, he automatically corrected, was very much in labor.
“Okay, just–just stay right there,” Jason told her. He ripped his radio off his belt. “Dispatch, I need bus at my location. Now.”
“What’s the emergency officer?” a crackling voice came back over the static.
“I’ve got a female in labor,” Jason replied. He stepped towards Elizabeth Webber and kneeled in front of her. “How far along are you, ma’am?”
“Eight months,” Elizabeth bit her lip and tightened her hand around her steering wheel. “Oh man, oh man, this really hurts.”
“Keep her calm, officer. Bus is en route. ETA twenty minutes.”
He hooked the radio back on his belt and took a deep breath. “I–I, uh, never been in this situation before Miss Webber. Do–do you know how close you are to delivery?”
“Do I look like a doctor?” she screeched.
“Okay, maybe I should just get you in my car and get you to the hospital myself,” Jason said hesitantly. He reached for her hand. “Miss Webber?”
She took his hand and just as he started to pull her to her feet, another contraction slammed into her and she nearly hit the ground. Jason braced her weight in his arms and kept her standing. “Keep a hold on me, okay?”
Elizabeth nodded fervently and bit her lip as they started to move towards his police car. Jason took his radio back out. “Dispatch, cancel that bus. The female seems to be in advanced labor and I am transporting her to the hospital.”
“Ten-four.”
He settled her in the passenger side of his car just as another contraction ripped through her. “Oh God, they’re coming so fast, that’s not good!” In her pain, she gripped his arm so tightly he nearly yelped. “I don’t think I’m going to make it to the hospital,” Elizabeth whimpered.
“Y-you have to, Miss Webber. I’m not equipped to deliver a baby,” Jason said, panicked.
“M-maybe you should see if the baby’s coming,” Elizabeth suggested.
Jason paled. “Are you kidding me?”
“Do I look like I’m in a position to kid?” Elizabeth demanded. “You’re a cop, you’re supposed to…like help me aren’t you?”
“Uh yeah.” Jason swore under his breath and made a promise to never pull over another female driver for the rest of his career. He reached for her legs and maneuvered them out of the car. “So…I just look right?”
“I don’t know, this is my first kid,” Elizabeth retorted.
“Right, right.” Jason hooked his fingers on the buttons of her jeans and slid the zipper down. “This feels so wrong,” he muttered. He tugged the jeans over her hips.
“Okay, what am I looking for?” Jason asked her, not wanting to look down there unless he absolutely had to.
“A baby’s head,” Elizabeth said with a glare. “Look, this isn’t exactly the my idea of the perfect delivery–you know–a strange man looking at my goodies so why don’t you just cut the shy act and help me, okay?”
“Right.” Jason glanced and closed his eyes. “So I think the kid’s gonna have your hair color.”
Elizabeth blinked. “What?”
“Dark hair I mean…I see the baby,” Jason told her. “Okay, okay…I can do this. I’ve seen it on television, you know?”
“Oh dear God,” Elizabeth wailed. Another contraction wracked her body and she started to cry. “Oh, I really wanted drugs. I want drugs!”
Realizing that he would have to deliver this baby, Jason took a deep breath and yanked her jeans and panties all the way down. He tugged off her sneakers and now she was nude from the waist down. “Okay, I think if you push with the contractions–that’s supposed to help, right?”
“I think so,” Elizabeth grunted.
“So…next one, you’re going to push,” Jason nodded decisively. He reached into his glove compartment and took out a bottle of water. “You want some of this?”
She nodded eagerly reached for it. She downed half the bottle in one thirsty gulp. “This isn’t fair,” she whimpered. “This was supposed to be a happy day with me and Ric and our families and instead I’m on the side of the road with a police officer I don’t even know…”
“Well, Miss Webber, this isn’t my idea of a good day either but I’m going to do my best for you and your baby,” Jason promised her.
“Oh…oh…ow, here it goes again,” Elizabeth moaned.
“Okay, now is a good time to push,” Jason told her. “Go!”
Elizabeth grunted and after a few more minutes, the head pulled through. Jason braced his hands on it, keeping it steady. “The head’s out,” he reported. “Keep pushing, Elizabeth, I hear once the shoulders are out, it’s all down hill from there.”
Her face red and sweaty, Elizabeth gritted her teeth and gave one more push, forcing the baby’s shoulders out. Jason easily slid the rest of the baby’s body out and cradled the slimy little body against his uniform. “It’s a boy,” he told her with a smile as Elizabeth’s son started to wail. “Reminds me of you already.”
Elizabeth’s tears started again in full force as she reached for her son. Jason hesitated. “The umbilical cord,” he told her. “We need to cut it and there’s placenta and stuff, right?”
“Right,” Elizabeth nodded. She sat up and took off her shirt, revealing a tank top underneath. “Here–he needs to stay warm.”
Jason took it from her and wrapped the baby in it. “I need the first aid kit from the glove compartment. “There are some scissors in there.”
A few moments later, he’d cut the cord and the placenta had been disposed off. He managed to get her jeans back on and handed her the baby. “Let’s get you to the hospital.”
—
A few hours later, Jason knocked on her open hospital door. His uniform was gone–replaced by jeans and a t-shirt. “Miss Webber?”
“Officer Morgan,” Elizabeth said with a smile. She had her son in her arms and a pretty brunette was seated next to her. “Emily, this is the cop that delivered Steven.”
“Oh, thank God you were there,” the girl named Emily declared. “The doctors say that both Elizabeth and Steven are in great health.”
“Well, I’m glad I didn’t screw it up,” Jason remarked honestly. “But I think I’ve sworn off female drivers for the rest of my life.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Have you seen your husband yet, ma’am?”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “If that jackass comes within five miles of this room, I’ll kill him. And…call me, Elizabeth?” Her blue eyes sparkled. “After all…you’ve seen me half-naked.”
Furious, she pressed on the gas pedal, spurring her much abused car to leap ahead a little bit.
“No good son of a bitch,” she muttered. She ignored the stop sign and sped ahead, angry words hissing through her teeth like steam rising from a tea kettle. “When I find him, I’ll kill him.”
Ignoring the blares of the horns and the yells of outraged drivers, Elizabeth Webber breezed through a red light.
Predictably, she soon noticed the familiar red flashing lights behind her. “Is there no justice?” she screeched. Pulling the car to a sudden and abrupt halt, the police car behind her was forced to swerve off the road in order to avoid crashing into the back of her ancient hatchback.
She threw the car into park and launched herself out of the car, murder on her mind. “Do you have a problem?” she demanded, hotly.
The police officer threw open his door and stalked towards her, his blue eyes cold as ice. “Have you lost your mind lady?”
“Yes!” Elizabeth threw her hands up in the air. “Yes! Can’t you tell? I only broke a thousand traffic laws back there! Obviously I’m in a hurry!”
“You were going fifty in a twenty, you lunatic,” the officer growled. “You ran three stop signs and two red lights. Where the hell are you going in such a hurry?”
“To take a baseball bat to my husband’s knees,” Elizabeth hissed. She reached inside her car and withdrew the object in question. A good old fashioned wooden bat. The officer took a step back and she rolled her eyes. “Oh, please, the only person I’m going to be injuring is that fuck ass.”
He reached forward and grasped the bat. “Give me it,” he directed.
“No.” She yanked it back. “That son of a bitch is going to know pain when I’m done with him!”
“Okay, okay.” He set his notepad on the top of her car. “Look, I can see that you’re very angry but that’s no reason to put the lives of everyone else on road at risk.”
Elizabeth hesitated, her eyes darting back to the last intersection she’d just come through. “Sorry.”
“Well…sorry’s not going to be good enough.” The officer reached behind him and she paled, seeing he was going for his handcuffs.
“Look, okay maybe I was a little out of hand, you know? I was pissed–a-and just going on instinct.” Elizabeth set the baseball bat down on the road. “I’ll take the ticket, the fine whatever–”
“I’m sorry, Mrs.–”
“Miss Webber, I didn’t take his name,” she retorted. Taking a deep breath. “Okay, I know I’m probably guilty of reckless driving and all of that good stuff and you have every right to be mad at me because I’ve been acting like a serious madwoman but really–there’s no need to…” she swallowed hard, her eyes trained on the silver bracelet-shaped objects in his hands.
“It’s the law–”
“He’s been cheating on me,” Elizabeth said desperately, “And it’s with my sister, you know? I mean, that’s going to piss anyone off, right?”
“Well, yeah–”
“And it’s been going on since before we were married. And that’s like five years we’re talking about,” Elizabeth continued, her words coming quickly, her face becoming flushed from the strain. “Seriously, if you run my license and my name–I have no tickets, no record, really.”
With a sigh, the officer tucked the cuffs back into his pocket and pulled the cap off his head, wiping his forehead with his forearm. “Here’s what I’m going to do, Miss Webber. I’m going to take your word on it. You don’t seem like the type to do this kind of driving normally, okay? Just…do me a favor and go home.”
Elizabeth sighed and ran her hands through her hair, the sides of her bulk coat parting, revealing her to be in an advanced state of pregnancy. “I don’t have a home,” she muttered.
“I’m sorry–what?”
“I don’t have a home,” Elizabeth bit out, her eyes flashing. “He locked me out of the house.”
“Okay, we’ll just get a locksmith–”
“You obviously don’t know who my husband is–” her eyes flicked down to the little name tag beneath his badge, “–Officer Morgan.”
Officer Jason Morgan frowned. He knew from the moment she’d leapt out of the car that she’d looked familiar. “Oh, shit.”
“Yeah,” Elizabeth agreed with a bemused smile. “You probably know him.”
“Commissioner Richard Lansing,” they said together.
“Okay…” Jason cocked his head to the side. “Okay, so what about a friend’s house?”
“The only friend I had in this godforsaken town was my sister–and if I go there, you’d better believe someone’s not coming out.”
“Well…we’ve got another problem.” He gestured to where her car had just conked out. She’d left it running but it had just…stopped. With a loud huff.
“Oh…no…” Elizabeth sat down, her legs dangling into the street. She turned the ignition off and then tried to start again. “Come on–ow!”
Concerned he started forward at her outcry of pain. “Are you okay?”
“Must be Murphy’s Law,” Elizabeth said through clenched teeth. She took a few deep breaths. “You know–where everything that can go wrong…will go wrong?”
Ric really doesn’t get enough crap for how close he came to killing Elizabeth repeatedly in the summer of 2003. First, he allowed her to drink poisoned lemonade to keep his Carly secret, then he drugged her with birth control pills and sedatives which led to a pulmonary embolism. As if that wasn’t enough, he nearly smothered her with a pillow to avoid being caught for Carly’s kidnapping.
And yet, they got back together and got married all over again! Oy.
GH stays trash.
Timeline
This is set in July 2003, directly after Elizabeth finds Carly in the panic room. She passes out from the embolism as soon it happens and Ric locks Carly back up. Elizabeth is unconscious in the hospital and Ric considers smothering her to keep himself out of trouble.
Banner
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
The pillow is in his hands. His fingers are clenching the sides of the material so tightly that they are numb.
She sleeps peacefully or as peacefully as she can with the knowledge he knows she holds. Her face is pale, her hair spread over her own pillow, falling around her face.
She is the most beautiful person he’s ever known—inside and out. And he can say that for a brief moment in time, she loved and believed in him.
I just want to feel deep in my own world
He walks quickly down the hall—not too quickly though. He doesn’t want to bring any attention to himself. He has one clear goal for this night. He wants answers and he finally believes she’s in a position to give them.
Her room is just at the end of the corridor and if he can get there without any hospital personnel stopping him…there might yet hope for them all.
But I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore
He steps towards her and starts to lower the pillow. He closes his eyes as he does it and when he feels the resistance of her skin stopping it’s descent, he presses harder.
Her arms start to flail on the bed and they claw at his forearms. He can hear her gasping for air and he wants to stop but he knows there’s no turning back.
On a different day
If I was safe in my own skin
Then I wouldn’t feel lost and so frightened
He’s at the door and about to push it open when a nurse steps into the hallway. He moves into the corner, into the shadows until she’s gone.
But this is today
And I’m lost in my own skin
He can feel her struggle lessening. Her arms aren’t moving as rapidly, her chest isn’t heaving. He can almost feel the life slipping from her.
And I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore
He turns the knob slowly and pushes the door open.
And I just say oh, oh
I feel, oh, oh
He doesn’t even hear the door opening as he finally lifts the pillow from her face. He turns to see Jason Morgan in the doorway. Ric Lansing doesn’t speak, he doesn’t cast one last look at his now dead wife. He sets the pillow on the bed.
Jason is unable to move, unable to process what it is he thinks he’s seeing. But as Ric begins to slow move from the room, Jason pins him to the wall with one hand.
“What did you do?” he demands, harshly.
And I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore.
“The only thing I could,” Ric chokes out. Jason twists his head back to look at the woman in the bed, panicking when he notices that her monitors have been unhooked. He turns back around and slams his fist in the other man’s jaw. Ric sees stars before he blacks out, the liquor he’ drank before coming here taking effect.
Jason lets the scum slide to the floor before hurrying over to her bed.
I just say oh, oh
And I’m so lonely
Elizabeth Lansing isn’t breathing but he can feel a faint pulse in her neck. He uses the call button and then starts CPR.
A nurse comes in, sees the man on the floor, the man performing CPR and darts back out. The call for a crash cart is heard and before Jason knows it, he’s pushed out of the way.
I feel oh, oh
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore
Elizabeth is technically dead for two minutes. But the doctors are quick working and the crash cart is there in seconds. Her small body convulses into the air as they use the paddles to bring her back.
A nurse has hooked up her monitors and the horrible screech of the flat line echoes in the room for a few moments before her heart starts to beat again.
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
She doesn’t quite remember everything when she wakes up, but she does know that Carly is in a hidden room in her home and she tells Jason how to open it.
When she learns that her husband nearly killed her, she isn’t able to speak for a moment or two. But when she does, she just thanks Jason for saving her life.
The famous panic room reveal aired on July 11, 2003. It was a Friday, and the episode ended up on Liz pressing the button and turning to look at Carly, horrified. At the time, I can’t remember if we knew that pulmonary embolism was coming or if i was just spoiler free. That doesn’t sound like me, but you never know. Anyway, a cliffhanger Friday meant LissieLove writing a story on Friday night.
Timeline
This takes place in July 2003. Ric has kidnapped Carly and has held her hostage in the panic room while Elizabeth doesn’t know anything.
Banner
Something went wrong
You’re not laughing
It happened almost as though in a dream. One moment, she’d been unpacking a box of books. The next, Carly had vaulted out of nowhere and was screaming her name.
“Elizabeth!”
Elizabeth whirled around so fast that she slipped and fell, staring up at Carly with a shocked expression. No one had seen Carly in almost a month. She’d vanished from the face of the Earth.
“C-Carly—”
“Elizabeth, thank God,” Carly cried, almost weeping. She reached down and practically hauled the other woman to her feet. “We need to get out of here.”
“Wait, wait.” Elizabeth pushed away from her and put her hands to her head, closing her eyes. “You—where have you been? What’s going on?”
“I’ve been here,” Carly said, frantically, already pulling her towards the door. “In that stupid panic room. Come on, Elizabeth!”
“In what panic room?” Elizabeth demanded. Her eyes drifted past Carly to the open room behind her. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened a little. “Oh my God—”
“Elizabeth, please, we have to go!” Carly cried.
Elizabeth nodded. “You’re right. Let’s go—”
She heard the door open before she could finish. She turned and looked at her husband. “Ric.” Carly’s hand tightened on hers. “What’s going on?” she demanded.
Ric’s eyes darted between his wife and his captive. “Elizabeth, I know you don’t understand right now—”
“You kidnapped Carly!” Elizabeth cried. “She’s been missing for a month—”
Ric stepped forward and Elizabeth impulsively retreated a step, backing into Carly. “I’m doing this for you,” he tried to explain. “Just like we discussed. Another baby.”
Elizabeth blinked. “You—you think we’re going to raise Carly and Sonny’s child?” she asked softly. “You’re crazy.” She shook her head. “We’re leaving.”
Ric reached behind him and pulled out a small pistol. “No. You’re not.”
It’s not so easy now to get you to smile
You gotta be strong
Elizabeth paced the small space of the panic room. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
Carly’s brown eyes followed the tiny brunette from side to side. “You weren’t stupid. He was good. Very good.” She gestured towards the television screen. “I saw how he acted with you.”
Elizabeth stared at the different screens, each showing a different spot in the house. Their bedroom. Their kitchen. Their living room. “How did he hide this from me?”
“He was careful,” Carly said dully. She sank onto the cot and stared at the crib next to her. “He had this completely set up before he took me.”
Elizabeth frowned. “The night of the wedding—” she trailed off. “You must have been struggling. Why didn’t I know?”
“You were asleep on the couch,” Carly answered. “The police came. I saw it.”
“But Ric said—” Elizabeth stared at the couch on the screen. “I’m not a deep sleeper. I haven’t been in so long.” She stepped closer to the screen and something caught her eye.
A prescription bottle.
She reached for it, on a shelf above the television screens. “This is a sedative,” she said softly. “In my name. He got a prescription for a sedative in my name.”
“Elizabeth—”
“He drugged me,” Elizabeth murmured. “Oh my God. He drugged me so I couldn’t stop him.” The bottle clattered to the floor and she stepped back, her vision blurring. “Oh my God, my husband drugged me.”
“Elizabeth—” Carly stood, feeling out of place as she tried to comfort the other woman. “I’m sorry.”
“He said we made love, but I didn’t remember,” Elizabeth went on. Her hands were starting to tremble. “I thought it was just the wine, but I didn’t remember.”
To walk these streets
And keep from falling
“Elizabeth—”
“My clothes were off,” Elizabeth choked out. “He undressed me—or we made love and I just don’t remember—”
Carly closed her eyes, remembering the moment she’d woken up next to Ric, also nude. They hadn’t slept together then, but she hadn’t known. The thought had haunted her for moments, causing more than one nightmare. “Elizabeth, he violated you.”
“No—but—”
“He drugged you,” Carly said firmly. “You said yourself you don’t remember anything. Jesus, Elizabeth. Take the blinders off. If he just undressed you, it’s still violating you.” She closed her eyes. “And if he did more—”
Elizabeth sank onto the cot, pressing a hand to her mouth. Tears spilled onto her cheeks. “No—it’s just not possible. I can’t—” She cleared her throat. “We need to talk about what we’re going to do.”
“What can we do?” Carly asked, sighing. “Believe me, I’ve thought of it all. I’ve even gotten out of here a few times, but he always catches me.”
“Only one of us needs to get out of here,” Elizabeth said softly. “I’ll take care of Ric. You run and just keep on running, okay?”
“I can’t leave you in here,” Carly said. “I’ve got leverage. I’ve got the baby he wants. You go.”
“Carly, you being pregnant is precisely the reason you should go,” Elizabeth argued. “Look, this is my fault. I have been blind to who my husband really is. I defended him when I was wrong. God, I must have defended him a thousand times to Sonny and Jason just this month and look how wrong I was!”
“You had no idea!” Carly insisted. “I heard everything he told you. He snowed you, Elizabeth. He led you to believe he was something that he wasn’t. You’re not the first person to buy into his bull.”
“Everybody lies to me,” she whispered softly. Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Nice to know some things will never change.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Carly. You run. Get help. I can hold my own against him. He won’t hurt me.”
“Won’t hurt you?” Carly scoffed. “Come on. He raped you!”
“No!” Elizabeth cried. She shook her head vehemently. “No.”
“No!” Elizabeth screamed. “Not again! It didn’t happen again!”
But when you’re not, just let yourself cry
Carly paled and looked away, remembering how Elizabeth had come to the penthouse, desperate to believe that Ric was different. She’d been sleeping with him and Carly understood Elizabeth needed that reassurance.
She only wished she’d been able to give it. “Elizabeth—”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Don’t. Don’t okay? Don’t pretend that you like me or even feel sorry for me.”
“No woman deserves that,” Carly said firmly. “To be violated like that. Not by their husband, not by someone they thought was their friend—”
“And not by some stranger in the park,” Elizabeth said softly. She closed her eyes and sank to the floor. “I feel sick.” She was on her knees, one arm braced on the floor, the other around her middle. “Oh my God.”
Carly crossed to the bathroom and shoved the door open. “There’s a toilet in here.”
Elizabeth made it there, but only barely. She vomited until she nearly passed out, and then she slid away, sitting against the wall, her knees in the air, and her head in her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening to me,” she whispered. “I can’t believe I married someone who could do this to me.”
Carly stepped inside the small space and flushed the toilet. She grabbed a toothbrush and squeezed some of the paste on it before handing it to Elizabeth. “Here.”
You’ve been working hard
Just trying to pay the rent
When Elizabeth had brushed her teeth and splashed some water on her face, Carly left her in the bathroom, closing the door behind her, sensing she needed some time alone.
She crossed to the television screens watching as Ric paced the bedroom nervously. She glanced up as she heard the doorbell ring and looked back to the screen.
Elizabeth came out and frowned. “What was that?”
“The doorbell,” Carly murmured as she watched Ric hurry to answer it. “It’s Emily.” She glanced at the other woman. “Don’t bother screaming or pounding on the wall. It doesn’t work.”
“I figured as much.”
After a few moments, Ric closed the door and looked towards the panic room. He crossed to it and they watched him take the remote out of his pants. Elizabeth crossed to the other corner.
“As soon as I get him distracted, run,” Elizabeth told her. “Okay? Run as fast as you can and get out of here.”
“Elizabeth,” Carly began, but the door began to slide open and Ric entered.
Before he could say anything, Elizabeth charged him and jumped on his back, wrapping her small hands around his head. “Run!”
Carly darted out of the room and only spared one look back before she flew out the front door.
Ric easily tossed Elizabeth off, making her land with an oomph on the cot. “Why’d you do that?” he roared.
She tossed her dark hair out of her eyes and glared at him. “Why’d you rape me?” she hissed.
He blinked, the word rape draining his anger. “What?” Ric asked incredulously.
“You drugged me,” Elizabeth seethed. “And then you either just undressed me or we had sex. And I don’t remember a damn thing.”
“That doesn’t make it rape—”
“The hell it doesn’t!” Elizabeth screamed. “You drugged me! How was I supposed to say no?”
“Elizabeth, I just needed to make sure you wouldn’t stop me,” Ric tried to explain. “I did this for you—”
“You did this for yourself,” Elizabeth shot back. “You’ve been trying to replace our child with Sonny’s. Did it occur to you that I don’t want a child?”
Ric shook his head. “No, no. That’s not true. You want a family. We both do.”
“Not with you,” Elizabeth snapped. “You’re insane, and you’re a rapist.”
“I am not a rapist!”
Tryin’ to draw the line between who you are and who you invent
But if you throw a stone
Something’s gonna shatter somewhere
Carly stopped at the first payphone she found, her hands shaking as she called Sonny’s cell phone collect.
She screamed her name when they asked for it and Sonny hurriedly accepted the charges.
“Carly? Jesus, are you okay? Where are you?”
“Sonny, you have to go to Ric’s!” Carly cried. “Elizabeth is there and she’s alone with Ric, he took me and Elizabeth is there! You have to get there! Sonny, go!”
“Wait, wait, where are you?”
“Damn it, Sonny, he raped her and you have to get her out of there! I’ll meet you there. Just go!”
She slammed the phone down and took off down the block. She’d be damned if Elizabeth was going to sacrifice herself.
It took her five minutes to get back to the Lansing home and she was out of breath, ready to keel over when she got there. A month inside a small dark room had really drained her. Her eyes were sensitive to light and she felt so weak.
“Elizabeth!” she screamed as she crossed the threshold. She saw the open door of the panic room and Ric standing in the doorway. He was glaring at something she couldn’t see. “Elizabeth!”
Ric looked at her and smiled. “Well, look who returned.”
“Get out of here, Carly!” Elizabeth yelled. She came into Carly’s line of vision suddenly, launching herself at her husband as they crashed into the rack of black boxes against the wall.
She heard a car screech to halt behind her. Carly whirled around to see Sonny and Jason throwing open their car doors and rushing up the walk. “She’s in there!”
Jason pushed past her and crossed the living room in a few quick strides, drawing his gun from the small of his back. He pointed at Ric. “Let her go.”
“Let her go?” Ric demanded. “She’s got me in a headlock!”
Which was true. Elizabeth was on Ric’s back, her tiny arms wrapped around his neck, trying her best to squeeze the life out of him. Every time he tried to shove her off or reach his arms up to pull her hands from his throat, she switched angles.
Jason had fight against smirking, but didn’t lower his weapon. “Elizabeth, let him go and go outside.”
“No,” Elizabeth snarled. She dug her nails into his throat, eliciting a growl from her husband. “He’s going to pay for what he did to me!”
Jason frowned and shook his head. She never did know when to quit. “Elizabeth, just let me handle this.”
Finally Ric managed to throw Elizabeth off. He aimed for the cot, but she went flying past it and crashed into the crib. Without thinking, Jason discharged his gun twice, sending Ric flying backwards and into the bathroom. He didn’t move.
We’re all so fragile
We’re all so scared
Carly pushed past Sonny and darted into the house as Jason hastily tucked his gun back in its spot. “Stay back, Carly. I’ve got her. Tell Sonny to call a crew.”
Jason stepped around the cot and knelt beside the unconscious brunette. He checked her pulse and sighed in relief when he found it steady and strong. “She’s alive. She’ll probably have some bruising. We’ll get her back to the penthouse and get a doctor there to see her.”
Carly watched in worry as Jason easily lifted the tiny woman into his arms and was on his heels as he carried her outside.
Sonny blanched when he saw Elizabeth limp in Jason’s arms. The image was hauntingly familiar. Barely a year ago, Jason had carried her from an about to explode crypt.
“Get her and Carly out of here,” Sonny said quietly. “I’ll wait for the crew. Is Ric—?”
“I don’t know,” Jason answered. “I didn’t look. He’s out though.”
“Okay, go.”
You say you wanna learn how to live your life without tears
But we’ve been trying to do that for thousands of years
While a doctor was taping Elizabeth’s ribs, Jason cornered Carly downstairs in the penthouse living room. “Sonny told me what you said on the phone.”
Carly sighed and tugged at the bottom of her shirt. “Where’s Courtney?” she asked, changing the subject. “And Michael? I want to see them. I haven’t seen them in a month.”
“They’re on the island,” Jason said impatiently. “Carly, you’re avoiding my question. You told Sonny that Ric raped Elizabeth.”
“Elizabeth didn’t know I was there until today,” Carly said softly. “She was doing something and it triggered the panic room door. We were on our way out of there but Ric stopped us.”
“Carly—”
“I’m getting there,” Carly snapped. “He locked us both in the panic room and Elizabeth was freaking out by then. Jason, she had no idea what Ric is really like. She thought he’d changed. There were these television screens in the room and I saw the way he played her. He made her believe he’d let this vendetta go. He played the part of the perfect husband.”
“Finding out differently must have thrown her,” Jason interjected.
“Yeah, well, turns out the night Ric locked me in there, Elizabeth had a blackout of some sort. At the time, he convinced her it was just the wine she’d drank earlier. But today, she found a bottle of sedatives. He drugged so she wouldn’t stop him. And when she woke up, she was—well,” Carly shrugged. “Naked.”
“Jesus,” Jason exhaled. “So he drugged her and you guys think—?”
“He violated her, Jason,” Carly said firmly. “Whether it was no more than just taking off her clothes like he did to me or it was more. She was definitely violated.”
“If he wasn’t already dead—” Jason trailed off and shook his head. “Is she okay?”
“She was upset,” Carly admitted. “Lost it for a few minutes. But I think she shoved it aside to get us out of there. The second he stepped inside, she jumped him and kept screaming at me to get out of there. She’s—she’s got guts, Jason. A lot of them.”
Jason nodded. “Yeah—she’s always been like that. She wanted to protect you.”
“She did. So I got her help and went back in case she needed me,” Carly finished. “Of course, it looked like she was holding her own.” She looked towards the stairs. “She’ll be okay, right?”
“Physically, yeah. Just some bruised ribs and a concussion,” Jason answered. “But—”
“Yeah,” Carly said, understanding what he didn’t say. “Jason, don’t take this the wrong and please do not tell anyone else what I said. But—after today? I kind of—well, respect her now. And—I want—” She hesitated and glared at her friend who was trying not to smirk. “Don’t give me that look. She put herself in danger to protect me.”
“Yeah, I get that. It’s just strange coming from you.”
“I want to help her,” Carly said bluntly. “I want her to stay here or something. She’s going to be really upset when this hits her, and I guess I want to be there for her. I think she could use a friend.”
“She will, Carly.” Jason hesitated. “It’s good that you want to be there for her. But I know her. She won’t let you.”
“You knew who she was a year ago,” Carly said quietly. “I know her. I’ve watched her every day for the past month. I know that she sings when she paints and thinks no one else is in the room. I know that she makes extremely bad coffee and about the only thing she can make are brownies. I know that her face scrunches up when something in her painting isn’t working—”
“Okay, okay, I get the point. You know her better than me,” Jason said. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I used to know her better than anyone, you know? I knew when she was lying, when she was upset. And now, I don’t know her at all.”
“Do you miss her?” Carly asked, tilting her head to the side. “As a friend or whatever?”
“Sure,” Jason said easily. “She was one of my best friends. She mattered to me.”
“Then maybe this is your chance to get that back,” Carly murmured.
So go on and cry Ophelia
It’s the only thing to do sometimes
Elizabeth laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. It was easier if she didn’t move. She could just stare at the white ceiling and she wouldn’t have to think about the fact that she was in the guest room at Carly’s penthouse.
If she didn’t think about her location, she wouldn’t think about why she was here. That her husband had kidnapped a pregnant woman and kept her captive for a month while he fed his gullible wife a lot of bullshit about being a changed man.
Or that he’d drugged and possibly raped her the night he kidnapped the other woman. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling tears in the back of her throat. Oh, god. It had happened again.
She turned on her side and drew her knees to her chest, ignoring the pain in her ribs. She started to cry and once the first tears trickled down her cheeks, they only came faster and stronger. Soon she was sobbing, her face buried in the pillow.
She didn’t hear the door sliding open or feel Jason’s weight sink into the bed as he sat down. He smoothed the hair away from her face and she only cried harder.
Her own husband, someone she’d trusted and loved, had drugged her and then violated in the worst way possible. In a way Elizabeth had once vowed would never happen again.
“You shouldn’t pull your knees up like that,” he said softly. Jason straightened her legs. “It’s not good for your ribs.”
“I don’t care,” she choked out. “I just want to be by myself, okay?”
“Okay,” Jason said, amiably. He smoothed her hair again. “I’ll check on you later. Do you need anything?”
“The last few months of my life to disappear?” she sobbed. “Can you do that?”
“I wish I could,” Jason said. He stood and closed the door behind him.
You know I’m crying too
Right there with you
He closed the door behind him and shook his head wordlessly. He wondered what existed in some men that gave them the urge to do this to people. How Ric Lansing could have fooled Elizabeth into thinking he was so wonderful—so that he could turn right around and violate that trust, trust he knew she didn’t give easily.
She was still crying, he could hear her through the door. Even after all this time, after the pain, the nasty words—it still ripped at him when he heard her cry.
Sonny had gotten home when Jason came down the stairs. He was arguing with Carly insisting she go to the hospital.
“You’re probably dehydrated or suffering from malnutrition,” he was saying.
Carly rolled her eyes. “I am fine. What I want you to do is bring Michael and Courtney home. I need to see my son.”
“They’re already in the air,” Sonny said. “Now will you go?”
“No,” Carly said. She caught Jason’s eye. “Hey. How is she?”
Jason sighed. “She’s okay. Upset, but physically fine.”
Sonny frowned. “Now might be a good time to explain what you said on the phone.”
Carly shifted uncomfortably. “It’s really her business, not mine. Maybe she doesn’t want everyone to know.”
Sonny exhaled slowly. He put his hands on his waist, leveling his trademark intense glare on his wife. She braced herself for a fight and was prepared to stand her ground.
After a moment, Sonny nodded “You’re right. If she wants me to know, she’ll say so.”
“How’d things go at the house?” Jason asked. “Where’s Lansing?”
“Dead,” Sonny answered. “He bled out—painfully, I might add. We’ll arrange for the body to be found sooner or later. Good clean ending for Elizabeth.”
“He deserved to be cut into miniscule little pieces and fed to the wolves,” Carly muttered.
Sonny nodded. “Yeah. For what he did to you and the havoc he apparently wreaked on his own wife. What did he hope to accomplish by kidnapping you?”
Carly sighed. “He wanted our baby. He blames you for her miscarriage and wanted to replace their baby.”
“That’s sick,” Sonny declared.
“Yeah, it is,” Carly replied. She rubbed her abdomen. “You know, I watched her these last few weeks. She never trusted him fully, she was always a little suspicious.” She bit her lip. “He lied and lied to her and all I wanted to do was scream at her stop believing him.”
“Come on, I’ll make you some dinner,” Sonny said. “Jason, will you check on Elizabeth one more time before you go to the airport?”
“Yeah. No problem.”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries
She wasn’t crying when he entered the room the second time. She was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling.
“Do you need anything?” Jason asked.
“I think we covered that question,” Elizabeth murmured. “Did Carly tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“What Ric did.”
“That he—” Jason hesitated. “That he drugged you and—”
“She shouldn’t have said anything,” Elizabeth whispered. “It’s bad enough she knows.”
“She’s worried about you,” Jason told her. He shut the door behind him. “I am, too.”
“Why?” she asked dully. “You were right, weren’t you? Ric was bad news. I had no business being with him. I was just protecting a rapist.”
“I never should have said it that way,” Jason admitted. “But I’d just found out what happened to Carly and here you were, being so damn stubborn—it was like you weren’t listening just to spite me.”
She chuckled dryly. “Yeah. Everything I do is always about you Jason.”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“I defended Ric because he made me believe that my love mattered, that I was enough,” Elizabeth said softly. “That I hadn’t wasted my time trying to make another relationship work. Just another mistake, Jason. Nothing more. Had nothing to do with you.”
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”
“Is he dead?”
“What?”
“Is he dead? Am I a widow?”
“Do you really want me to answer that?” Jason asked, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets.
“I think you just did.” Elizabeth sighed and folded her hands across her abdomen. “You know—I was waiting for him to come today. I was so excited—because I knew how happy he’d be.”
Jason walked towards her, trying to catch her eye, but she kept her attention firmly on the ceiling tiles. “About what?”
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. “Silly me. I thought when he meant he wanted a family, he wanted my child. Should have known he wanted some blonde’s instead.”
Jason closed his eyes, feeling a sharp pain lance through him. “He was sick, Elizabeth. Sick and twisted.”
“Yeah, I guess he’d have to be to pretend to rape one woman and then drug and rape the wife he kidnapped someone for.” Elizabeth sighed. “I sure can pick ‘em. A brainwashed cheater, a hitman and a sociopath. I wonder what’s next. Do you think I’ll just settle for a homicidal maniac who has weird fetishes? Like he likes to wrap his victims in toilet paper before he slits their throats?”
“I’m not a hitman, Elizabeth and you know that,” Jason retorted.
She laughed again, coldly. “Forgot. That’s just one area of your job. We never did discuss the aspects. I was always too weak and fragile to handle it, huh?”
He shook his head. “What are you going to do?”
“About the baby?” Elizabeth asked. “Don’t know. I mean, what kind of child is it going to be? The offspring of an unemployed loser and a rapist?”
“You’re not a loser and it doesn’t matter what the father was like. Ric is dead and he can’t hurt you anymore.”
“If that’s what you believe, then you have a lot to learn about relationships, Jason. Just because someone’s gone, it doesn’t mean it’s over.” She turned and curled up into a ball, hissing when her knees came into contact with her sensitive ribs. “Sometimes it’s just beginning.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Tell Carly and Sonny I’ll be out of their way in a day or two. When I figure out what’s going through my head, okay?”
“You can stay here as long as you need to,” Jason assured her.
“With the happy mob squad? I’d rather chew nails.”
He hesitated. “Carly’s—”
“Worried about me, yeah I know. You already told me that.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Just leave me alone, okay?”
He shook his head. “No. I’m not going to leave you alone so you can sit up here and feel sorry for yourself.”
She jerked into a sitting position then, her cold gaze burning into him. “Is that you think I’m doing?” she seethed. “I’m trying to deal with the fact that my husband—who is dead now—not only lied to me with every single word out of his mouth, but that he drugged me and that I was raped for the second time in my life. I’m so sorry if I’m cramping your style or I’m not bouncing back as quickly as you think I should be, but I can’t—”
“I’m sorry,” Jason interrupted. He sat on the edge of the bed. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know you better than that.”
“Do you?” Elizabeth demanded. “Did we ever know each other at all? Or were we just fooling ourselves?”
Thank god for my bad memory
I’ve forgotten some of the stupid things that I’ve done
“Of course we knew each other,” Jason said, almost startled by her vehement words. “We were friends.”
“Yeah,” Elizabeth sighed, the fire drained from her body. She laid back down. “Friends.”
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth—”
“You’re always sorry, Jason. It never changes anything.” She closed her eyes. “Could you please go now?”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, there’s nothing left to say. You’re always sorry. And I’m always alone.”
“You’re not alone, Elizabeth—”
“Emily and Nikolas were married last week. A small chapel just outside of town. Lucky was there, Alexis, Luke, Monica, other members of both families. And I heard about it on the news,” Elizabeth said softly. “Lucky’s been mourning his girlfriend’s death for a month, but I found out about it in the newspaper. The only people I have are my grandmother and Ric—and I can’t look at my grandmother in the eye.”
“Why not?” Jason asked.
“Because I weaved a little fairy tale for her. About the wonderful and kind Harvard lawyer who swept me off my feet. That we had the perfect courtship and that marriage, with the minor inconvenience of a miscarriage, has been idyllic. How do you suppose I tell her that he was a monster? That he’s dead and I’m glad?”
“Why tell her anything?”
“You mean lie?” Elizabeth asked, raising her eyebrows. She smirked. “Why, you the paragon of virtue, are encouraging me to mourn my rapist husband? Tell me, Jason, does the word hypocrite mean anything to you?”
He stood and shook his head. “Sometime in the next week, his body will be found. So that you can have a quick ending to all of this. Your marriage will be over, and you won’t have to explain his absence.”
‘”I think it’d be for the best that I am at the house when he’s found then,” Elizabeth said softly. “So that when the two of you are questioned, I don’t have to be in a position to explain why I’m here.”
“Probably,” Jason admitted. “But Carly and Sonny want you to stay.”
“And I’m not going to complicate your lives any further. You have Carly now. You and Courtney can have your little wedding and I’ll just sell the house and try to get my old studio back.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Yeah. I know. You’re sorry.”
I’ve come to a little wisdom through a whole lot of failure
So I watch more carefully what rolls off my tongue
He never made it to the airport. He didn’t leave the room and eventually she fell asleep. He sat in a chair and watched her sleep. She was a restless sleeper, tossing and turning. Her breathing was shallow at times and he found himself worrying about her concussion.
When Courtney called about a ride home, Sonny just sent a guard out to get them. He knew that Jason was still upstairs and decided to leave him alone. It wasn’t every day that your ex-girlfriend was raped by her husband.
When Elizabeth woke a few hours later, he was still sitting there. Staring at her, his eyes trained on her face. She frowned. “Why are you here?”
“I’m worried about you.”
She sighed and slid into a sitting position, setting her feet on the ground. “Tell me,” she began quietly, “where does this sudden burst of concern come from? Where has it been in the past ten months or so?”
He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs, clasping his hands together. “Tell me,” he echoed, “have you ever made a mistake?”
Elizabeth eyed him suspiciously. “Is this a trick question?”
“The day you walked out on me, when you demonstrated your inability to handle my life—”
“That is not what that was about!” Elizabeth fumed. “That was about my inability to come last, to be neglected. My inability to accept that promises are allowed to be broken for the sake of business.”
He knitted his eyebrows together in a frown. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“Silly me, I thought I did,” Elizabeth snarled. “I guess I was depending on your ability to understand me. Hoping for too much again, huh?”
He shook his head. “When you walked out, and you turned your back on me every time I tried to talk to you—”
“Yeah, both times,” Elizabeth muttered.
“It occurred to me that maybe you didn’t care about me anymore,” Jason told her. “I’m not sorry I moved on. I’m not sorry I listened to you when you told me we were over, that I’d ruined any chance we had. I’m not sorry that I fell in love again and you’re not going to make me sorry for that.”
She closed her, willing the tears to stay where they were. “I deserved it,” she whispered. “Because I walked away so many times from what I really wanted, I deserved what I got.”
“You did not deserve to have Ric Lansing drop into your life,” Jason said firmly. “No one deserves that.”
“Yeah, okay.” Elizabeth sighed. “Well, I’m all right. I feel fine. You can go.”
“I didn’t finish,” Jason interjected. “I’m not sorry for any of those things, but I am sorry that our friendship suffered.”
“Suffered,” Elizabeth scoffed. “Died, you mean.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Yeah, you’re sorry. We established this.”
He sat next to her on the bed. “Do you remember when I told that sometimes when you go away, it doesn’t make the feelings go away? That it just makes it clearer?”
“Yeah—” Elizabeth sighed. “I remember that.”
“Sometimes you don’t need to go away.”
Elizabeth frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means that I miss you.”
Elizabeth blinked and stared at him. “You miss me,” she echoed. She laughed. “Well, goody for me. Should I bow at your feet now?”
“Why do you do this?” he asked. “Why are you so angry with me?”
“Maybe it’s because you think telling me you miss me is supposed to fix the way you’ve treated me.” She launched herself off the bed and crossed the room. “Well, I miss you too. I miss talking to you and taking rides on the bike. But you know what I don’t miss? I don’t miss the phone calls, I don’t miss the way you’d run out to help Sonny and Carly with a hangnail. I don’t miss the way you shut down on me without the slightest provocation. I don’t miss the way you make me feel inferior, like I’m not good enough for you because all I wanted was your trust.” She found her shoes underneath the bed. “Yeah, I miss our friendship Jason, but not enough to sacrifice my self-respect—what I have left anyway.”
She ended her tirade by slamming out of the guest room, leaving Jason stunned and speechless in her wake.
You pray for rain
But you don’t want it from a storm
Courtney and Michael were home when Elizabeth rushed down the steps. Courtney jumped to her feet and immediately looked at the brunette suspiciously. “Elizabeth.”
Carly frowned. “Where are you going? You should be resting—you have a concussion—”
“I’ll be fine,” Elizabeth said quickly. “I appreciate everything, but it wouldn’t look right if I were here when—Ric—well—” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “You know what I mean.”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to back to him!” Courtney scoffed. She rolled her eyes. “My God, how naïve can you be? What does he have to do so that you realize what scum he is? Does he have to rape you too?”
Elizabeth paled and her eyes filled with tears. “It’s funny you should say that Courtney,” she whispered. She heard Jason’s footsteps on the steps behind her. He stopped on the landing. “Real ironic, you might say.”
“Courtney, just go home,” Carly advised. “This isn’t the time or the place—”
“No. Because Elizabeth is too stupid to see what a monster her husband is, he had the opportunity to kidnap Carly,” Courtney interrupted. “Now how did he manage to pull that off without you noticing? Did you help? Were you part of the plan?”
“Courtney, that’s enough,” Jason ordered. “Stop it.”
Elizabeth was trembling now. “You’re such a hateful person, Courtney. You automatically think I’d do something like that?”
“Well, I don’t know, Elizabeth. Maybe the reason you’re going back isn’t because you’re scared of him or because you just don’t see it. Maybe you like it,” Courtney snarled. “Maybe you get off on being with a rapist—”
“Shut up!” Elizabeth cried. “You don’t know anything about me!”
“Courtney, that is enough,” Carly said firmly. She put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “You don’t know what happened—”
“I don’t need to. Here Elizabeth is, all ready to return to her rapist husband. So, what is it, Elizabeth? What makes you love him despite the terror he inflicts?”
“Courtney, stop it,” Sonny cut in. “Carly’s right. A lot of things happened today—”
“All of which has done nothing to make you see what he’s done! Did you come and beg for Ric’s life just like you begged for Zander’s?” Courtney demanded. “You’re so selfish, Elizabeth—”
“No, that would be you,” Elizabeth cut in softly. “For your information, I’m not going back to Ric. He’s dead. I’m going back to the house so that when his body is found, the police won’t be able to connect this back to Sonny and Jason. And that is all you deserve to know, so you can take your accusations and hateful words and shove them.”
She pushed past them and left the penthouse, slamming the door behind her. Courtney sighed. “Well, at least that’s over.”
Carly stared at the other woman, surprise written all over her face. “Is that what I sound like?” she asked no one in particular. “When I go off without any of the facts? When I throw tantrums and accuse people of things they didn’t do?”
“Honestly?” Sonny asked, a small smirk on his face. “Yeah.”
She glared at him but turned the intensity of the glare onto her sister-in-law who was staring at her strangely. “All you had to do was shut up when we told you to. But you just sat there and kept yelling at a woman who had her entire life ripped out from underneath her today. Do you ever think about anything but yourself?”
“That’s not fair,” Courtney cried. “I’ve been so worried about you these last couple of weeks. I’ve done everything I can to keep your son from worrying about you. We postponed our wedding until we found you! How can you say that I don’t think about anyone but myself?”
“You know, being self-absorbed is one thing, but being cruelly selfish is another.” Carly shook her head. “I can’t deal with this right now.” She held her hand out to her son, who’d been watching the events unfold with an interested expression. “Come on, Mr. Man. You and me need to get caught up.”
“Okay, Mommy.”
Carly led to the stairs and they disappeared onto the second floor. Courtney sighed. “Okay, so what the hell happened today?”
Jason didn’t answer her. Instead, he shook his head. “I need a ride.”
“I’ll come with you,” Courtney said quickly.
“No. I need be by myself for a while,” Jason told her, holding his hands up to ward off her approach. “I’ll see you when I get back.”
Yeah, you find a rose
And cut your finger on a thorn
She entered the house which Sonny’s men had cleaned up that afternoon. The panic room was closed and she had no inclination to open it or tell anyone that it was even there when she sold the house.
She closed the door behind her and stared at their living room. This morning, she’d been in love with her husband and tonight—
She crossed the room and stared at the photographs she’d unpacked before Carly had fled the room and shattered her life. The biggest one was a framed photo of them on their wedding day.
She picked it up and studied it. Studied her smile, the ecstatic look in her eyes. She remembered how overwhelmed and happy she’d felt when he’d taken the rings out of his pocket.
At the time, she’d been floating on air. His vows had made her feel so cherished, so valued. And now they made her skin crawl. Every word, every promise, every touch, every kiss—it felt vile and she could feel the disgust spread throughout her body. She’d given herself to him, more than once, without inhibition. She’d made love to him, believing he loved her.
She’d made love to a rapist.
Tears blurred her vision and her throat felt tight. She gripped the frame tighter and then hurled it against the wall. “I hate you!” she screamed. It shattered and slipped to the ground, the picture still intact.
She swept everything off the back table, the vase and the water the flowers were sitting in went flying to the floor. She took a lamp from the table and flung it towards the door. It missed its target and went flying through the front window, shattering it.
She sank to the floor, sobbing.
So go on and cry, Ophelia
It’s the only thing to do sometimes
He saw the broken window first before the shards of the lamp at his feet. He was inside before he could think twice.
The living room was destroyed. She’d thrown anything she could find against the wall and now she was crumpled into a tiny ball behind the couch, sobbing.
Jason crossed the room in a few quick strides and lowered himself to the ground. “Elizabeth,” he said intently. “Are you hurt?”
She raised her red-rimmed eyes to him and nodded. “Yeah, but you can’t see where I bleed,” she choked out. “It’s here,” she told him, pressing a hand to her heart. He closed his eyes and instinctively gathered her into his arms, pressing her sobbing face into his chest. He didn’t tell her it’d be okay, or that everything was going to be all right. She didn’t need to hear the right now and for the first time in nearly a year, Jason knew exactly what Elizabeth needed from him.
He just held her while she cried.
After a while, she’d exhausted herself and couldn’t cry anymore. She wasn’t sleeping or passed out. She was just quiet. The only sounds in the room were their breathing.
“Why are you here?” she whispered, her voice hoarse.
“I was out riding—” Jason hesitated. “I just—found myself here and—I thought—you might need me.”
She closed her eyes and for once, she didn’t throw up her defenses. She didn’t give him some smart comment about how she’d never needed him. She just spoke the honest truth. “You’re right. I did.”
He smoothed a hand down her back before pulling away from her a little bit. “I’m sorry about what Courtney said,” he told her, reluctant to bring up the topic of his fiancée while she was so upset.
“She was right,” Elizabeth whispered. “I was stupid and I was selfish. All that time Carly was in there and I just kept throwing you out when you tried to tell me. When you tried to explain that Ric was bad—that he was keeping secrets—I just laughed in your face. And you were right all along.”
“I didn’t want to be,” Jason admitted. “I wanted—I wanted to believe you were happy, that he was treating you right.”
“I’m glad he’s dead,” Elizabeth said emotionlessly. “He’ll never hurt anyone again and that’s all that matters to me.”
“What about—” Jason trailed off.
“I’m keeping this baby,” Elizabeth said firmly. “I thought—I thought about having an abortion the first time around, but I couldn’t do it then and I know I can’t do it now. I just have to find a way to make sure I can take care of her.”
“If you need anything,” Jason began to offer automatically, but she cut him off.
“I don’t think Courtney would appreciate you making a promise like that,” she said softly. “I mean—I’m grateful that you’d offer, but let’s face it, Jason. We can’t—we can’t be friends anymore.”
“Why not?” he demanded. “Why shouldn’t we be?”
“The simple fact that if I ever have to see your fiancée again I’m afraid I might have to pummel her into the ground,” Elizabeth answered easily and without hesitation. “I won’t apologize for it, but I hate her. It doesn’t matter that she was right, she had no right to say what she did today and I just—can’t be around her.”
“So what does that have to do with us?” Jason asked.
“Don’t be thick, Jason. You—” Elizabeth sighed. “You’re going to marry her. You’re going to do whatever it takes to make her happy and you hanging around your ex-girlfriend won’t do that.”
“Don’t do that,” Jason told her. “Don’t go making your mind up about me like that. You hate when people do that to you, don’t do it to me. I’m not just Courtney’s fiancé, and I’m not just Sonny’s enforcer either,” he added.
“No,” Elizabeth murmured looking away. “But sometimes that’s all you think you are.”
You know I’m crying too
Right there with you
“I want to help,” Jason told her, ignoring the comment and the truth behind it. “And if Courtney can’t accept that, it’s not my problem.”
“There’s nothing for you to do,” she told him. “This is my—.life—.I have to start taking responsibility.” She pushed herself to a standing position. “And as soon as I get this all cleared away, I’ll figure out what I want to do.” She saw her easel across the room. “I still have that one woman show Ric set up. Why not take advantage of the one good thing he did?”
“Okay,” Jason said, rising to his feet. “But just because there’s nothing for me to do—does that mean we can’t talk?”
“What would we talk about?” Elizabeth asked. She started picking up shards of glass.
“We never needed a set list of topics before did we?” Jason questioned, helping her.
“This isn’t before, Jason. We’ve both changed and—there’s still—I’m still angry with you,” Elizabeth admitted, her eyes downcast. “And I don’t see that going away.”
“But why are you still angry?” he questioned. “You’ve moved on, what does it matter what happened in the past?”
“Because I trusted you. I trusted you with my life—and you wouldn’t return that. You didn’t trust me,” Elizabeth replied. “And we can’t be friends without trust.”
“Elizabeth—”
“I’m going to be okay now,” Elizabeth said, crossing to the kitchen to throw the shards into the recycling bin. “You can leave.”
“I don’t want to—”
“Don’t argue with me,” Elizabeth told him. She turned to face him. “Don’t make this difficult, Jason. You know we can’t be friends. It wouldn’t work.”
“Why can’t we just start over again? Develop that trust over again?”
“Because you will never trust me the way I want you to. And besides, Jason, we’ve come too far to just start over and be friends.” She bit her lip. “The truth of the matter is that we will always be more than friends and I just—.I need to deal with that.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Jason persisted, following her back to the living room. “If we’re still more than friends—”
“Because I still feel the same way I felt last summer,” Elizabeth confessed, crouching to pick up her wedding photo from among the glass shards. “That hasn’t changed, Jason. And I can’t be friends with someone I’m still in love with and watch them get married and be happy with someone else. Not right now. Not at this point in my life.”
He didn’t answer her, his mind still stuck with the still in love with part. She stared at the photograph again before starting to tear into tiny little pieces.
After a few moments she looked at him pointedly. “Don’t you have a wedding date to set?”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries, Ophelia
“I figure that we can just do it all over again the same way,” Courtney told Jason. “Same outfits, same wedding guests, you know?” She frowned when she realized he was reading the newspaper rather than listening to her. “What are you reading that’s more important than our wedding?”
“Ric’s body was found last night,” Jason reported. “It only took three days. I’m just wondering how long it’ll be before Baldwin decides to come get us.”
“Well, it’ll be okay. There’s no evidence you guys did anything.” Courtney smirked. “In fact, I bet you anything Elizabeth is the one who gets charged.”
Jason frowned and stared at her. “What do you mean by that?”
She shrugged. “Well, it’s not a big stretch. There’s no evidence against you two, it automatically turns to the wife. The wife who won’t show a lot of emotion, who will probably put the house on the market immediately, the wife who doesn’t have an alibi because she was unconscious. She can’t defend herself without incriminating you guys and if she knows what’s good for her, she won’t do that.”
Jason nodded. “Yeah, you’ve got a point. They just might turn it around on her.” He folded the paper and tossed it aside. “I need to talk to Sonny.”
“Wait a second, Jason, the wedding—” Courtney trailed off when he shut the door. “Damn it. When do I come first?”
Sonny was reading the same article when Jason entered the room. “I suppose you’ve read this already,” Sonny said.
“Yeah. I give Baldwin an hour tops before he knocks on your door,” Jason replied. “Courtney brought up something. They can’t pin this on us—but what about Elizabeth?”
“Courtney brought it up?” Sonny asked. “I don’t see Elizabeth running into any trouble.”
“Baldwin’s going to be suspicious if Elizabeth ends up selling the house really quick, she doesn’t have an alibi, she won’t be that upset, you know what I mean?”
“Baldwin will just assume she’s covering for us,” Sonny mused. “It’s nothing to be worried about it and if turns out to be something, we’ll deal with it.”
It’s the perfect thing to do sometimes
You know I’m crying too, right there with you
She slept in the guest room and had her things all packed, just waiting for time to pass so that she could put the house on the market. She had cried appropriately when Detective Capelli reported Ric’s body had been found. She had filed a missing person’s report the day before.
She had an appointment with the funeral home for the next day. Elizabeth was playing the grieving wife perfectly so she wasn’t sure why Jason was standing in front of her, encouraging her to leave town.
“Jason, they don’t suspect me,” Elizabeth tried again. “I’m not worried.”
“Well I am,” Jason replied. “You don’t know how Baldwin thinks. He’ll see this as a way to get to me and Sonny. He knows you didn’t do it, but he thinks we did.”
“Well, for once he’s right,” Elizabeth muttered. Jason’s face darkened.
“Does it bother you?” Jason demanded. “To know that I killed him?”
Elizabeth looked at him, stunned. “Jason—”
“Does it bother you to know that it’s not the first time I’ve taken a life?” Jason continued. “Or did you just never think about it?”
Her mouth wouldn’t work and she suspected even if she could get words out, she wouldn’t know what to say. What could she say?
“Look, forget it,” Jason said after a moment of silence. “I don’t want Baldwin coming after you, thinking he can use you.”
“Where is all this concern coming from?” Elizabeth asked curiously. “You’ve barely looked my way in months. And now I couldn’t get rid of you if I wanted to.”
He stepped closer to her. “I told you that I’ve made mistakes. I’m trying to make them right.”
“Jason—there are some mistakes you can’t fix,” Elizabeth said helplessly. She stepped back and turned to stare at the wall she knew hid the panic room. “If I didn’t need the money from selling this house, I think I’d bulldoze it to the ground.”
“Will you at least think about leaving?” Jason asked. Before Elizabeth could answer his cell phone rang and her face twisted in bitterness, thinking of all the other times it had interrupted them.
He turned away to fish it out of his pocket and answer. “Yeah?”
“It’s me,” Courtney chirped. “Where are you? We’re supposed to discuss a new date today.”
“Can’t it wait?” he replied, almost impatiently.
Courtney was silent for a moment. “Jason, where are you?” she asked softly.
“I’m at Elizabeth’s,” Jason answered without hesitated. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Elizabeth slip into the hallway that led to the kitchen.
“Why are you there?” she asked, irritated. “I thought it was over and done with.”
“Elizabeth and I are friends—”
“Since when?” the blonde demanded. “You two haven’t talked in months. What could you possibly have to discuss now?”
“I’m not going to do this with you,” Jason replied, not bothering to hide his impatience or tense tone.
“Do what? Discuss the fact that you’re over another woman’s house?” Courtney snapped.
“Don’t you trust me?”
“Not when it comes to Elizabeth.”
There was silence for a moments before Jason was able to speak. “I guess that’s it then. I’ll stay somewhere else. You can deal with the penthouse. Goodbye, Courtney.”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries, Ophelia
He hung up the phone and slipped back into his pocket before turning around to find Elizabeth was back in the room, taking the painting from her easel. “You’re packing already?”
“It’ll save me the trouble,” she murmured. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“No,” he answered. “Not anymore.”
She frowned at him momentarily before stacking a blank canvas on top of the unfinished one. “Okay.”
“You didn’t answer me. Will you at least think about leaving?”
She sighed. “Maybe. If what you say about Baldwin is true, I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay.” Jason shifted. “I should go anyway. Let you get back to packing.” His hand was on the door handle before she said his name. He looked at her over his shoulder.
“It doesn’t bother me,” she said softly. He frowned and turned around fully. “About Ric, I mean. You were just protecting Carly. He would have kept coming after her and probably Sonny, too.”
“I was protecting you too,” Jason admitted. “He just—threw you off him like you were a coat and you went flying across the room. I was worried you’d been hurt more seriously.”
She bit her lip. “And it’s not that I avoided thinking about your job, but most of the time I just—didn’t think of it. But if you really want my answer, I’ll tell you. No, the fact that what happened wasn’t the first time and that I’m aware it won’t be the last time—it doesn’t bother me and it never did.”
“Why not?” Jason asked, curiously.
“Because I knew it was either you or the other guy,” Elizabeth said softly, meeting his eyes. “And I was always grateful you came back.”
Cry, Ophelia
I’m crying too, right there with you
He stared at her for a few moments before looking away. Total acceptance what he did had never happened to him before and to tell the truth, he didn’t know how to respond to that.
“Are you gonna be okay here?” he asked. “I mean, by yourself?”
She sighed, stared at the couch where she knew it’d taken place. “I haven’t slept in three days,” she confessed quietly. “Every time I close my eyes, he’s there.”
Jason ran a hand through his hair. “I could stay if you want.”
She shook her head. “No. That’s okay. If it gets too bad, I can just go to a hotel or something. Besides—Courtney wouldn’t like it.”
Jason hesitated, thought about telling her that he’d just broken things off, but refrained. “Okay. But call me if you need something, all right?”
“All right,” Elizabeth agreed reluctantly. She smiled then, just a small weak one, but the closest thing to a genuine smile he’d seen in a long time. “You know what I could go for?”
“What’s that?”
“A ride,” Elizabeth said. “Do you have time?”
“Sure. Come on.” Jason pulled the door open and held it open until she passed him and headed towards the driveway where his bike was parked.
It was a start.
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries
Cry Ophelia won favorite short story in the 2003 General Hospital Reader’s Choice Awards!
As with my other Faith short, I was obsessed with her character on the show. I wrote this after she pushed Elizabeth down the stairs, sparing us a LiRic baby.
Timeline
This is set in late May 2003 after Faith pushed Elizabeth down the stairs, leading to her miscarriage. Faith targeted Elizabeth on several occasions, hoping to win Ric for herself.
Banner
All alone I didn’t like the feeling
All alone I sat and cried
For the first time since her husband died, she thought she might have found someone.
Someone who challenged her. Who felt the same burning need she did.
To take what Sonny Corinthos held dear and destroy it. Because he’d destroyed both their worlds without a second glance.
He’d taken Ric’s mother from him.
He’d taken her husband from her.
Mickey Roscoe had been her whole world. Her entire reason for breathing, for waking in the morning.
The reason she wasn’t another statistic.
All alone I had to find some meaning
In the center of the pain I felt inside
He’d saved her from a life on the streets at age seventeen Until the moment she’d met Michael “Mickey” Roscoe, her life had been a series of bad dreams and nightmarish events.
From her molesting and rapist father—whom she’d killed at age fifteen—to the mother who’d never really seen her, never really cared about her.
She didn’t remember pulling the trigger when she’d killed her father. She just remembered he’d come to her bedroom and she knew he wanted to rape her. Again.
Like he had for the past five years.
And she couldn’t take it anymore.
She’d shot him. And she’d decided that no man had the right to tell her what to do and would never hold that power again.
All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Mickey had understood that and she’d thought Ric had, too. She thought Ric understood why Sonny had to pay. He’d stolen their families, their worlds.
She’d been pregnant when Sonny had Mickey killed and she’d lost the child only months later. There’d been no one tell—no one to help her grieve. She’d channeled all her anger, all her misery into one goal.
Destroying Sonny.
And Ric should have seen that. He should have understood.
But he didn’t, not anymore. Not since that excruciatingly lame waitress had managed to trap him into a marriage.
But she needed Ric back. And she’d only begun to understand why.
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by
For the first time since Mickey had died, she’d been able to envision the future. She’d seen a good one, too. When Sonny was gone, she and Ric would have his empire and they’re rule with an iron fist.
It was a dream she’d cultivated for months, and now she understood why she needed Ric with her.
Because she’d fallen in love with him.
And when she loved someone, it was with her whole entire body and soul. And she’d been unable to accept the fact that he didn’t love her back.
I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
Sex was cheap. Sex was easy. She had the looks, the body, the charm. She could get it when she wanted it. She’d been able to goad Ric into one night, hadn’t she?
But Ric was hung up on that twit—especially now that she was pregnant. He’d never leave her now. Not while he had the chance at a family.
Mickey had always told her to go after what she wanted and to make no apologies for her methods. Mickey had been a wonderful person with potential—someone who could have run Port Charles far better than Sonny ever could.
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave
So she felt no remorse for tossing the little Webber angel down the steps. The girl had survived, hadn’t she?
She’d seen a threat and sought to remove it. Elizabeth’s pregnancy threatened her dream, her fantasy.
And threats were removed. That was the first rule in this business. Threats couldn’t be tolerated.
All alone I heal this heart of sorrow
All alone I raise this child
Sometimes she compared Ric and Mickey, and Ric always came up short. Not because he didn’t love her—she thought that maybe even if he did, it would never measure up to Mickey.
Mickey had known her—known her inside and out and he’d loved her anyway. He knew her father had molested her—that he’d worked his way up to rape. He knew she’d killed him and had sold her body to survive.
He’d known the deepest darkest blackest parts of her heart and he’d loved her anyway. Unconditional love was new to her, something she’d never experienced before.
Something she’d never have again.
Flesh and bone, he’s just
Bursting towards tomorrow
Ric, even if she could convince him to love her, would never know her like that. He could ask where the scars came from and maybe she’d be able to tell him, but she’d never cry herself to sleep in his arms because of it.
She’d never let him see one of her tantrums, one of her breakdowns. She’d never let him see one of her nightmares, where she woke up sweating, feeling dirty and clammy hands covering her body.
Because even if he did love her, she had a feeling that her past wouldn’t be good enough for him. And even if it was, he’d never really understand.
And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile
All alone I came into this world
But he was the first man since Mickey that she’d even considered a future with. And that had to mean something. Didn’t it?
He’d leave the little girl eventually when he started to feel suffocated by having to suppress his feelings of rage.
He’d come back to her and together, they’d finally destroy Sonny.
Ric would do it for his father, for the mother he’d never known.
And she would do it for the family that’d been ripped from her and the dreams that Sonny had crushed.
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
And maybe when she finally had Ric, she could stop missing her husband.
This was a sequel to Please Remember, and I only write it because I was so excited by the amount of replies I got at The Canvas (50!). Everyone wanted a sequel, and I thought this was my ticket to fame (I was 18, be kind, LOL), and so I wrote this. And then no one really read it. Also, the song I used has been sooo hard to find. It was like scrubbed from YouTube and Spotify, and I finally found it on Vimeo. It was one of the solo songs the Backstreet Boys individually sang at their shows.
He stands in front of the mirror and stares at himself. He can no longer recognize the person he’s become.
He feels her hands at his throat. “Jesus, did you tie this thing yourself?” Carly grumbles as she unties the silk fabric and redoes the bow.
He brushes her hands away. “Lay off, Carly,” he says quietly. Jason Morgan is getting married today—it’s his second marriage and he still doesn’t love the woman he’s about to wed.
He and Courtney had come together in a time of mutual despair and grief. She’d been thrown by her husband’s betrayal and Jason was desperate to feel anything at time when nothing colored his bleak world.
He stares at himself in the mirror and he wonders when his life became this. When he’d lost sight of who he was and what he wanted. Was it the day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his penthouse and took the color with her?
Was it the day he kissed a woman he barely knew and didn’t even like all that much in the rain? When he married a woman he couldn’t stand and pretended to love her?
All of those days counted—but the day that mattered the most—the day he really realized how deep a hole he’d dug himself—
The day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his life forever.
She’d left town shortly after their goodbye and hadn’t left a forwarding address. She’d felt no need. Their goodbye was done and their time together had ended. He’d briefly flirted with the idea of trying to find her but what good would that do? So he could know exactly how happy she was?
I tried to pick the pieces up
And I can’t think of starting over
Carly sighs loudly. “Honestly, Jason. You could at least pretend you’re excited,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You’re getting married.”
“Carly,” Jason says. She ignores him and moves around to his back, looking at him over his shoulder in the mirror and straightening his tuxedo jacket. “Carly,” he says again. She meets his eyes in the mirror and frowns.
Had Jason always looked this sad?
“What?” she asks, shoving the thought to the deepest part of her mind.
“I don’t love her,” Jason says quietly. “You know that, don’t you?”
Carly shakes her head. “Jason, don’t be silly—”
“Carly. I don’t love her,” Jason says again. “I’m only marrying her because she’s pregnant.”
“That’s nonsense,” Carly murmurs. She steps in front of him to fasten his vest securely. “You dated her for nearly seven months. You have to feel something for her.”
“I care about her,” Jason admits. “But I’ll never love her.”
“You could learn to love her,” Carly says. She takes a step back and straightens lapels of his jacket.
“Carly, would you just stop being Sonny’s wife and Courtney’s sister-in-law and listen to me for a second?” he asks, not able to control the biting tone of his voice. Carly looks up at him, her eyes sad.
“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I don’t mean to dismiss your feelings like that.”
“I know,” Jason replies. “But will you listen to me when I tell you that I don’t love Courtney and I never will?”
We used to share the stars above
I don’t wanna think it changed
“Jason, you can’t shut yourself away from the world,” Carly tells him. “I know it’s been a tough year, but you never gave Courtney a chance to win you over.” She gives him a small smile. “I’m not blind, you know. Sometimes I’d just rather pretend I don’t see things.”
She sighs and steps away from him, crossing to the bedroom door of his penthouse. She opens it and peeks down the hall to ensure no one is there. When she’s satisfied, she closes the door and turns to him. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
Jason’s brow creases in a frown. “What?”
“Elizabeth Webber.” For once, the scathing and insulting tone is absent from Carly’s voice when she speaks of the other woman. “It’s her you’ve loved all along and nothing will ever change that.”
Jason stares at her for a few moments before nodding. “I will always love Elizabeth.”
For the first time in forever, Carly doesn’t launch into an explanation about why Elizabeth was never right for him and why he’s better off without her. Instead she sighs. “Then why did you ever let her get away?”
“She wanted to go,” Jason replies simply. “And now she’s gone and I have no idea where she went. She doesn’t need me, Carly.” He lifts his shoulders in a simple shrug. “And Courtney does.”
Carly sighs and looks away. She runs her finger along the mahogany dresser. “She lived here for only a month,” she says. “And I grew to respect her. Because I could see that she cared about you. The day I told her Sonny was dead, she was so worried about you, Jason. She couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t come home and why you never called. I knew. I knew why you were doing it. I didn’t agree but it wasn’t my place to judge you.”
She looks up and meets his eyes. “You couldn’t face her. And by the time you could, you’d convinced yourself you didn’t deserve her or her love. And you let her walk out. And you were surprised when she wouldn’t come back when you made half-ass attempts to get her back.”
She paused and studied him for a second. “Tell me, Jason, did you ever tell her that you were sorry for leaving her in this penthouse for days on end without word—without even a simple telephone call? Did you ever tell her how you felt?”
Jason shakes his head slowly. “No,” he tells her. “I never did.”
She nods, as if she expected his answer. “You have two choices, Jason.”
And now I gotta move on
I’ve gotta catch up to the world
“You can go downstairs and leave this building to go the church. You can wait down at the end of the aisle for Courtney. You can marry her and raise your child with her—a child, Jason, that I know you’ve wondered if it is even yours. You can do that and be miserable the rest of your life.”
She takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m even suggesting this. Sonny would disown me,” she mutters under her breath. “Or you can get out of the monkey suit and decide what it is you want from your life. Do you want to be Sonny’s errand-boy the rest of your life? Do you want to live a life where you come home to a woman you don’t love and never will?”
“Or do you want to go and find out if there’s hope for your own happiness after all?” Carly finishes with a heavy sigh.
Jason looks down at his tuxedo-clad body. “Why are you doing this, Carly?” he asks.
She steps forward and touches his face. “Jason—I know I’m not always very grateful for what you’ve done for me and I guess we could chalk that up me being selfish.” She chuckles. “And we both know I might be the most selfish woman alive.”
Jason just shakes his head. “Carly—”
“No,” she says, holding up her hand. “Let me finish. You took care of my son—loved him like he was your own—simply because I asked you to. I know how much that decision wrecked your life, but Jason, trust me, Robin wasn’t right for you. I don’t know—maybe she was once upon a time. But—” She sighs. “You did it anyway. You did everything in your power to make sure I always had Michael—even when I betrayed your trust and slept with Sonny. Jason—you have been the best friend a girl could ask for and what have I given you lately? A lot of grief. I know I pushed you into this decision. Sonny and I both did, and I apologize. I know I never let up on Elizabeth and I’m sorry for that as well.” She gives him a sheepish smile. “In all honesty, I was afraid she’d take you from me. That she would replace me in your life.”
“Carly—”
“I know. I know, it was stupid and I should have known better. And I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so very sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”
He takes a step towards her and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Carly, I don’t hold any of that against you. I did this to myself. It’s my fault. Elizabeth walked away because I made her feel like she didn’t matter. And she stayed away because I wasn’t the person she cared about anymore.”
Even though I gave you my life
As wrong as it seems I know it’s right
“I look at myself in the mirror, Carly and I don’t recognize myself,” Jason says quietly. “I’ve lost myself. I married Brenda and I slept with Courtney. Two things I never would have done if I’d been thinking about it at all. I let Elizabeth walk out of my life for good without once telling her how I feel.”
“And how do you feel?” Carly asks tentatively, hoping for once Jason will be honest and answer question.
He steps away from him and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn’t answer at first and Carly deflates, disappointed. He won’t tell her—and why should he? Since when has she actually been a friend to him? Why should he tell her how he feels the first time she acts like one?
She’s startled when he begins to speak but listens closely. “I love her,” Jason admits. “I love her more than anything in my entire life. She’s such a wonderful person, Carly. I wish you’d given her a chance. She’s so loyal—she never lets anyone tell her what to do or who to see. You remember how she protected me that Christmas I spent at her studio.” Jason chuckles to himself, remembering. “My little attack dog.”
Carly gives him a brief smile as he continues, “I was lost when we first became friends. Robin and Michael were gone. You and Sonny were at each other’s throats. I was living in world that was black. But Elizabeth—one night she was at Jake’s, trying to drown the pain of losing Lucky by finding something that hurt worse.” He looked up, his eyes swollen and red. “And she brought color to my life. She painted me a picture of what it felt like to ride my bike. She loved going on that thing—used to beg me to let her drive. When we’d go around the turns, she’d scream for me to go faster. I’ve never met anyone else who loves to ride as much as I do, but Elizabeth said it made her feel free.”
Carly’s eyes mist with tears as Jason pours his heart out to her. How has she managed to ignore what Elizabeth did for Jason? How much she means to him? Has she been that blind—that ignorant—that scared of losing her place in his life that she’d refused to see how happy he was around her?
“She’s so small,” Jason murmurs. “I feel like I’m ten times bigger than I am when I’m around her. Her hands fit into mine so neatly and her head fits right underneath my chin.”
He looks up at her and meets her eyes. “I love her so much, Carly, that it hurts to breathe knowing she’s in another town—living somewhere else and that she doesn’t know how much I care—how much I needed her.”
But is there a trace that I can go away
To escape the love that I will forever know
“You can’t marry Courtney,” Carly tells him. She shakes her head sadly. “I know she’s pregnant—but marriage isn’t the answer. You don’t love her Jason and you can’t sentence yourselves to a loveless marriage. You both deserve more.”
“She’s pregnant, Carly and Sonny—”
“Oh, fuck Sonny,” Carly retorts. “Are you Sonny’s errand boy or are you Jason Morgan? You can’t be both.”
“Carly—”
“Don’t get me wrong. I adore Sonny. He’s my life. But he’s been pushing this marriage since the second he found out Courtney was pregnant. And you and I both know she’s been seeing AJ once in a while. And as your best friend, I won’t allow you do this.”
Jason cracks a ghost of a smile. “You won’t allow me?” he repeats, a little amused.
“Look, Jase, you can be in this kid’s life without marrying Courtney,” Carly says. “If we’re really lucky, Jase, we get to find true love once in a lifetime. You never let me give up on Sonny. And as much as this pains me, I’m not letting you give up on Elizabeth.”
“We said goodbye,” Jason argues.
“Yeah? And you can say hello when you find her.”
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still
Jason shakes his head. “That’s not the way it is between the two of us,” he tells her. “When I first left town, she refused to say goodbye. She said it was too final. And we haven’t said goodbye ever since.” He takes a deep breath. “But when she came to give me the painting a few weeks ago—she said it. She said we had to do it because that’s the way it had to be.”
“Well, yeah—and at the time you were going to marry Courtney,” Carly says. “I’d say goodbye too. Marriage—is such a final blow to any relationship. I know that sounds really weird but you know what I mean. I’m sure Elizabeth felt that whatever the two of you shared or should have shared or whatever—that it was in the past and since you were getting married, it would have to stay in the past. So maybe she needed the closure.”
Jason looks away. “Maybe.”
“Jason. I know you like to let people live their own lives—and really—that’s a very admirable quality—but sometimes—people need to feel that they matter. That they’re worth fighting for.” Carly pauses. “Elizabeth fought so hard for you all the time. I know she made mistakes—but you have, too. Everyone does. It’s a part of life. Don’t you think that a love as strong as what you feel for her—don’t you think that’s worth fighting for?”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same?” Jason asks, a little nervously. “What if I throw this all away and she doesn’t love me?”
“And what if you don’t throw this all away and she does?” Carly asks. “You’ve never been worried about what ifs, don’t start now.”
Jason looks at her and frowns. “And how am I supposed to break the news to Sonny and Courtney?”
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Carly laughs. “You leave that to me, Jase. I think you’ve got some searching to do.”
Jason kisses her on the forehead. “Thanks, Carly. For being a friend.”
“Well—I figured you were due,” she replies. “After everything you’ve done for me, it’s about time I returned the favor.” She gives a little shove towards the closet. “Now, go change and do what it is you have to do to find Elizabeth. I’ll go take care of the Corinthos siblings.”
Carly steps out of the room and heads down the steps. She knows that she’s just encouraged Jason to run away on his wedding day and find the girl she never quite approved of.
She also knows that Jason deserves to be as happy as she is and as much as it pains her to say it—the happiest she’s ever seen Jason is around Elizabeth.
And if Elizabeth can invoke feelings like that in a man like Jason—
Well she couldn’t be all that bad, right?
Where can we go from here
Why, why do I cry inside
When love is gone away
Jason is halfway packed when Benny calls him back. He hadn’t expected it so soon and was a little surprised when Benny reeled off Elizabeth’s address so easily.
Apparently, Elizabeth had registered to vote a week before and there she was. Elizabeth Webber. 245 Cedar Drive, Apt 121. Tallahassee, Florida.
Jason tells Benny to book him a flight before he can change his mind. He’s sure that if he thinks about the decision he’s made long enough—he’ll get back into that tuxedo and marry Courtney.
It’s altogether possible, he realizes, that Elizabeth will slam the door in his face.
But it’s a possibility Jason needs to take. He needs to know that they’re completely over.
He needs to tell Elizabeth that he loves her so—just so she has all the facts before she tells him goodbye again.
Maybe once he does that—he could be okay with their goodbye.
And how, How can I carry on
When I know all the love is gone
Carly enters the church and spots Sonny in the hall outside the bridal chamber. He frowns seeing her there alone.
Sonny’s eyes narrow and he takes a step towards his wife. “Explain. Now.”
She shrugs. “Nothing to explain. Jason doesn’t love your sister. He loves Elizabeth and until he puts that chapter to rest for good, he’ll never move on.”
“He and Elizabeth put that to rest a long time ago,” Sonny replies. “He got my sister pregnant—he needs to marry her.”
“Sonny, this is not the 1950s and Jason does not answer to you in matters of the heart,” Carly retorts. “And as much as I hate it, Elizabeth and Jason will never be over. She makes him happy, Sonny. And I know you realize it.”
“Carly—” Sonny begins heatedly.
“Drop it,” Carly says, sharply. “Jason has sacrificed everything for you. Don’t ask him to give up the one person he loves more than anything else in the world. Don’t you dare ask him to turn his back on his heart.”
Sonny sighs and looks away. “He loves her that much?”
“He loves her almost as much as I love you,” Carly answers. She heads to the bridal door. “I need to tell Courtney.”
Where can I go to get away
From the pain of loving you
Courtney is standing in the middle of the room, wearing a poufy white dress and staring at herself in the mirror.
“Jason’s not coming,” Carly says bluntly.
Courtney turns, her blue eyes a little startled. “What? What do you mean he’s not coming?”
Carly walks forward until they’re separated by only a few feet of space. “He’s not marrying you. He’s left town to find someone.”
Courtney sighs and looks away. “He went after Elizabeth, didn’t he?”
Carly frowns. “How did you know that?” she asks.
Courtney gives her sister-in-law a nasty look. “Who else would Jason abandon me and our child for?”
“Oh, don’t give me that boo-hoo woe-is-me crap. I invented it,” Carly snaps. “You’re not even sure Jason’s the father.”
Courtney pales. “He’s probably the father,” she whispers faintly.
“Probably ain’t good enough,” Carly replies. “Don’t worry—Jason will always provide for his child. He just doesn’t have to marry the mother.” She heads to the door. “Sorry it has to be this way.”
“No you’re not,” Courtney calls after her.
Carly turns and cocks her head to the side. “No. You’re right. I’m not.”
She shuts the door quietly behind her and goes to think about that little realization for a while.
Tell me where
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still
When Elizabeth opens the door the next morning, she wonders if the early morning sun is playing tricks on her. Because she knows that Jason cannot possible be standing in front of her.
He doesn’t say anything, he just looks for her for a while and finally, just when she thinks she can’t handle the silence, he speaks. “I came to tell you something.”
She sighs and looks away. “Jason—we said everything that needed to be said before I left.” Elizabeth frowns suddenly. “Yesterday was your wedding day.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I couldn’t do it. I don’t love her.”
She nibbles on her lower lip as if trying to gage his answer and what it means in regards to her. “But she’s pregnant,” Elizabeth says finally.
“And I don’t have to marry her to be a part of the baby’s life,”Jason said. “Elizabeth—”
“Why are you making this so hard?” she whispers. “I thought we agreed that this was for the best.”
“No,” Jason tells her. “I never wanted to say goodbye. But you wanted to, so I did it. Because I’d do anything for you.”
“Jason—”
“Just let me say what I came here to say and if you—if you still don’t want anything to do with me—all right. I’ll have to accept that. But I refuse to let you go and not tell you.”
“All right,” Elizabeth says, almost sure that there’s nothing Jason can say to fix this—to make her change her mind.
He doesn’t speak at first—takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as if whatever he’s going to say is so mind-boggling and important that he needs to gather his strength. “I love you.”
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Her hand, still wrapped around the brass doorknob of her apartment door, tightens. She holds on to the door frame with the other hand so that he can’t see how much she is trembling.
Her lips parted and her tongue darted out to moisten her suddenly dry lips. “Jason—”
“I never should have said goodbye without telling you that,” Jason tells her. “I’ve spent far too much time letting you walk away and not telling you how I felt. I didn’t fight for us and I was wrong. I should have let you know how much I loved you and how much you mattered to me and how the rest of my world is different when you’re not there.”
Despite herself and her best judgment, Elizabeth’s eyes soften. “Jason, you can’t just walk in here, tell me you love me and expect to make it all better.”
“I know that,” Jason replies. “I can’t take a magic wand and pretend that the last nine or so months didn’t happen. I can’t go back to September and take back the things I did and I’m sorry. I wish I could. But I can’t change what’s happened.” He takes a deep breath. “But I can change the future. And I can tell you how much I love you and I can tell you how much you matter to me and the rest of my world is different without you.”
“What do you want from me?” Elizabeth asks, quietly. She knows she shouldn’t give in—they’ve said goodbye, a word that between them was supposed to be final—no going back.
And maybe they can’t. Maybe they can’t take that goodbye back. Maybe it was okay to have said it and meant it.
“I want a chance,” Jason tells her. “I’m not asking for anything more concrete than that—just a chance.”
Because sometimes you had to let things go in order to find out how much you really needed them in your life—and how much you were really needed in theirs.
You had to let things go so that they could come back to you.
“All right,” Elizabeth tells him. “Let’s try this again.” He steps forward, unable to contain his smile, but she holds a hand up. “But we have a lot of work to do before this is all okay, Jason. You hurt me. And I hurt you. And we can’t keep doing it over and over again.”
He holds out his hand and Elizabeth studies it. She walked away from it once and regretted it the rest of her life. A few weeks ago, she took it and went with him on a final ride so she could say goodbye.
She’s not sure what she’s agreeing to if she takes it. Going back to Port Charles, staying here? Going somewhere else?
Does it matter?
She slips her small hand in his and gives him a tremulous smile. Maybe—
The only thing I remember about writing this story is that it is the first and only story I ever posted at The Canvas to hit 50 replies. I immediately wrote a sequel, Where Do We Go From Here, and it got like 15. Ha. I also remember sitting in my living room writing this on my old laptop, but it’s really just a memory flash. Other than that, I got nothing.
Timeline
This is stet in June of 2003, but it’s kind of a murky timeline. Jason and Elizabeth have been broken up since October. It looks as if she either never dated Ric or has left him as well. Jason and Courtney are dating.
Banner
Time, sometimes the time just slips away
She stood outside the door, clutching the package wrapped in brown paper. She forced herself to knock, reminding herself that this was a good idea. That it was the right thing to do.
She was going to be calm. She was going to be nice. She was going to be mature about the situation.
The door swung open after a few minutes and he looked at her for a few minutes before saying anything. It’d been months literally since they’d laid eyes on one another. He’d made it his business to carefully avoid the places she frequented and she had actually quit her job, moved to a new apartment just to keep from seeing him.
“Hi,” she said softly. She looked down, away from his gaze.
“Hi,” he replied. He slid his hand down the edge of the door to the knob. “Elizabeth. It’s…it’s been a while.”
“Six months, two weeks and seven days,” Elizabeth told him softly.
“Oh,” Jason replied, a little uncomfortable with having it reeled off so easily. It was actually rather miraculous that they’d managed to live in the same town and go that long without even running into each other.
“I just—” Elizabeth shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I came to give you—” She looked up and met his gaze directly. “I came to give you a wedding present.”
And you’re left with yesterday
Left with the memories
There didn’t seem to be enough air in the entire world for Jason to breathe. He felt like someone had just suckered punched him. He should have known Elizabeth would find out—but for some foolish reason, he’d tried to avoid the idea.
“You didn’t—” Jason shook his head and swallowed hard. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to,” Elizabeth replied quietly. “We were—we were friends once, and I—friends do things like this for each other. I didn’t get the chance to—when you were married to Brenda—” Elizabeth stopped abruptly and took a deep breath. “I just—I wanted to thank you.”
Jason frowned. “Thank me?” He couldn’t think of one reason for Elizabeth to thank him. Hit him, yell at him—maybe—but thanking him—?
“You saved my life,” Elizabeth replied, simply. “A few times and I just—I wanted to make sure you knew that our friendship was very important to me.”
“It was important to me, too,” Jason told her, feeling the sharp stinging pain of referring to it in the past tense. “And you saved my life, too.”
I, I’ll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
Elizabeth blinked back the sudden tears that sprung to her eyes. She looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. “I just—be happy, okay?”
He nodded and tried to speak past the lump in his throat. “You, too,” he managed to say. “That’s—that’s all I ever wanted.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “I, um, was invited to the wedding,” Elizabeth said, looking back at him. “But I hope you understand why I can’t come.”
“I do,” Jason replied, wanting so very badly to tell her why he was marrying in the first place but finding himself unable to do it. There were too many people involved—too many people that would be hurt if Jason spoke the truth and he had new responsibilities now. He couldn’t let them down. “Elizabeth—”
“I’m so glad I was part of your life,” Elizabeth whispered. “And I’m so thankful you were in mine.” She held out the package.
Jason took it and as their hands held it together for a split second, she said it.
“Goodbye, Jason.”
She let go and it hung listlessly in his hands. He blinked back the sudden moisture in his own eyes. Goodbye.
She’d never spoken that word before. Not even when she’d walked out of the penthouse or walked away from him in the park.
Elizabeth waited a moment but when he didn’t say anything, she turned away and went to the elevator.
When he heard the ding of the elevator doors closing, he stepped back into the penthouse and stared at the package she’d given him.
All of the other gifts—Courtney had said they were supposed to wait until the wedding, but Jason didn’t want to. Didn’t care about traditions.
He ripped the package off, revealing the canvas underneath. His heart stopped, his stomach dropped.
She’d given him The Wind.
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
Elizabeth paused in her methodically packing and looked up at the door. No one came by anymore. Not since Lucky went to London, Nikolas and Gia went off to New York City so she could attend school, or Zander went to Arizona to visit Emily in rehab.
Not since Audrey had died of a sudden massive coronary.
She stood up, shoving a few boxes out of her way and pulled open the heavy door Jason had put in after the kidnapping. Her heart skipped a beat.
“Jason,” she breathed. “What—what are you doing here?”
Jason held up the painting and shook his head. “I can’t take this.”
She frowned and looked down. “Oh. I can understand why you don’t want it. I mean, it’s not that good—”
“No,” Jason cut in. “That’s not it. I do want it.”
“Well, then why can’t you take it?” Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms tightly. It was June but she still felt cold.
“B-because,” Jason stopped, tried to think of how to explain this. How could he tell her he couldn’t take this painting because he couldn’t say goodbye to her? “It’s not something I can take with me.” He met her eyes, recognized the misery he knew was reflected in his. “It’s one I have to come back to.”
Her lower lip trembled at the sound of the familiar words and she mustered the strength to tell him.
“That only works if I’m here,'” she told him quietly. “And I won’t be.” She looked down at the ground. “I’m moving, Jason. I’m leaving Port Charles.”
I won’t forget so don’t forget
The memories we made
He gripped the door frame and took a deep breath. “What—why?”
Elizabeth sighed. “Because I don’t have anything left here,” she said quietly. “My grandmother is dead. I have nothing left tying me here.”
He hated that she was right. He hated the fact that she’d suffered through Audrey’s death alone—her family not even coming for the funeral. He hated that he’d been unable to be there for her.
He’d stood in the back of the church on the day of viewing and watched Elizabeth sit alone in the front pew—the rows of the church filled with colleagues from the hospital and old friends. Some spoke, but no one came near Elizabeth.
He couldn’t understand why they’d profess to miss Audrey but deny Elizabeth comfort in her grief. He’d watched as the people filed out of the church and Elizabeth waited until everyone was gone before her small shoulders started to shake with tears.
He’d wanted to sit next to her and wrap his arms around her, but he didn’t. He didn’t know why he didn’t or what kept him from doing so, but he’d waited until her sobs had quieted before leaving.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just—”
“You what?” Elizabeth asked, tired of the word games they seemed to play these days.
“I can’t say goodbye.”
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
“Sure you can,” Elizabeth said, adopting a sarcastic tone. “You can say it, turn around and walk away.” Her gaze turned angry, her eyes burning a hole right through him. “It’s never stopped you before.”
He flinched, stung. He deserved that. He’d walked away from Elizabeth, left town three times. The third time—he could have called her on the lie that had spilled from her lips about wanting Lucky. But he’d been to stung by her rejection to think clearly and he’d let her walk away.
He’d let her walk away one too many times and now—now she was walking away again.
And he had a miserable feeling that he couldn’t stop her this time.
“I’m sorry,” Jason repeated. “I never should have let you walk out that night.”
“You’re about nine months too late,” Elizabeth remarked.
“I know.” He shifted. “I thought it needed to be said anyway.” He looked away, down the hall. “She’s pregnant.”
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
She blinked. Blinked again. “What?”
“Courtney,” Jason said. “She’s pregnant. That’s why we’re getting married.”
“Oh,” Elizabeth said softly. Courtney Matthews was pregnant with Jason’s baby. She would have his child—a little boy or girl that looked just like him.
Her eyes burned with tears as she stared over his shoulder. How many times had she fantasized about starting a family with Jason? Having his children? Being his wife?
Fantasies. Dreams. That’s all they ever were.
“I was going to break up with her,” Jason continued, bringing Elizabeth back to the present. “I’m not in love with her and I was—I was going to tell her so but—” Jason stopped and sighed.
“She told you she was pregnant,” Elizabeth finished, sadly. She sighed deeply. “Well, congratulations.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, it’s—” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Jason, it’s over.”
Please remember, please remember me
Goodbye, there’s just no sadder word to say
He shook his head, almost forcibly. “No. I don’t—I refuse to believe that.”
She sighed and studied him with sad, sympathetic eyes. He looked different. His hair was a little longer, there were circles under his eyes and he looked like he’d lost a little weight.
He looked miserable.
“It has to be,” Elizabeth said, softly. “You’re getting married. And you and me—we can’t be friends anymore.”
“Why?” Jason demanded. “Give me one good reason why.”
“Because we don’t remember how to do that,” Elizabeth insisted. “We haven’t been just friends in so long—there’s always going to be more between us and we can’t do that anymore.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, it wouldn’t be fair to Courtney,” Elizabeth said quietly. “And I’m through hurting other people.”
He sighed and looked away. She was right. No matter how much he wanted it—he and Elizabeth could never be just friends.
They had always been more than friends and it wasn’t fair to anyone else involved.
And it’s sad to walk away
With just the memories
“Just say it,” Elizabeth said softly. “Say it and go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
Jason shook his head. “No. I can’t—I let you walk away before and I—I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“It’s too late,” Elizabeth firmly. “I—we can’t go back. You can’t change it.”
“I know that,” Jason said, almost irritated. “But the future—”
“You’re getting married,” Elizabeth said. “You’re marrying Courtney. That’s the future. You’re starting a family and I’m moving out of town.”
“I know. But—”
“But nothing.” Elizabeth’s tone turned gentle. “Look, we—our chance—it’s gone now. Okay? I don’t like it, but it’s reality, Jason. You never used to do this. You never—”
“I never made so many mistakes like this,” Jason argued. “And now, it’s like I can’t stop doing it. One stupid thing after another.” He took a deep breath. “All right. I’ll say it. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it.”
“It is,” Elizabeth lied. “It’s what has to happen.”
Who’s to know what might have been
We’ll leave behind a life and time
I’ll never know again
“Come with me,” Jason said suddenly. He set the canvas down, just inside the door and stretched his hand out.
Elizabeth blinked back more tears at the sight of the familiar pose—she’d turned it down once before.
“Jason—”
“Just for a little while.” He didn’t let his hand fall to his side, kept it hanging in the air. “If we’re—if we’re going to say goodbye, let me do it right.”
Curiously, Elizabeth took his hand and let him lead her out of the apartment. He paused while she locked the door.
He led her down the stairs, out of the door and to the alley where she stopped suddenly.
It’d been more than two years since she’d been this close to his motorcycle. And it seemed fitting to end their friendship the same it had begun.
With a ride.
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
He handed her the helmet but she shook her head. “I don’t want to wear it,” Elizabeth told him. “I can’t feel the wind on my face with it on.”
Jason hesitated but nodded. “All right.” He put the helmet back on the side of the bike and got on. He put the key in the ignition and started it. Elizabeth straddled the seat and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly.
“If—” Jason stopped and took a deep breath. He forced himself to finish the first words he’d ever said to her before a ride. “If you don’t like something, just yell.”
Elizabeth didn’t bother to blink the tears back this time. He couldn’t see them anywhere. The tears slid down her face and she leaned her face on his back, turned it sideways, letting her cheek rest on his t-shirt.
Jason pulled away from the alley, trying to ignore the warm tears seeping through the shirt.
And remember, Please remember me
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Her tears only lasted for a few minutes. As if recognizing her misery, he took up the cliff roads first. He went fast—just like she liked it and took the turns even faster. He drove the roads twice—he contemplating just riding out of Port Charles altogether.
The idea was tempting—just taking Elizabeth and running away from everything. He knew if he removed the other people in their lives, they would have made it.
But he knew that idea wouldn’t work. She was right. No matter how much he didn’t want it to be true—
The day he’d never wanted to come was here.
It was time to say goodbye.
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
He pulled the bike to a stop at familiar place. The statues where they’d tried it before. She said they couldn’t see each other and asked him to take her home.
Elizabeth got off the bike and crossed her arms. She walked over to the statue of the girl and studied her.
Jason silently turned off the bike and swung her leg over the side. He stood a few feet behind Elizabeth.
“She’s not smiling,” she murmured. She turned around and looked at him. “I never came back up here, you know.”
“Why not?” Jason asked. “You seemed to like it before.”
“It didn’t seem right,” Elizabeth replied. “I didn’t want to come alone and I didn’t want to bring anyone else.”
Then remember, please remember me
“I should have brought you back up here once I came back last year,” Jason said. “I should have done a lot a things differently.”
“It’s not your fault,” Elizabeth remarked. “I’m not completely blameless. I made mistakes—I hurt you, I know that.” She sighed and looked back to the statue. “I just wish—”
When she didn’t continue, he took a step towards her. “What?”
Her eyes were glittering with tears. “I wish we weren’t a regret. I wish we could have had a real chance.”
His eyes softened and he touched her face, cupped her cheek. She leaned into his touch, much the way she had that night in the penthouse.”
And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how a dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
Her warm tears splashed his hand and he took another step towards. “So do I,” Jason said softly. “I wish I had tried.”
He leaned down and brushed her lips gently. Elizabeth sighed, her mouth opening up to him. The kiss was both passionate and gentle. It was bittersweet, since it would more than likely be their last.
He changed the angle of the kiss, his other hand coming up to thread through her hair. Her hands clutched at his back, fisted in his maroon t-shirt.
He didn’t want to stop kissing her. Didn’t want to break contact. Because then he’d have to take her home and say goodbye.
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
Finally, he raised his head and stepped away. Elizabeth let go and touched his face. When her thumb caressed his cheek, he realized that a few tears had escaped his eyes.
“I think we’d better go,” she whispered.
He nodded wordlessly.
He let her drive back to her apartment.
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me
She stepped in front of her apartment door and opened it. She leaned in and pulled The Wind. “I really want you to have this,” Elizabeth said, holding it out to him.
He took it this time. “All right.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Goodbye, Jason.”
He leaned in and kissed her forehead before taking a large step back. His eyes locked on hers.
“Goodbye, Elizabeth.”
He waited a moment and walked down the hall. When Elizabeth heard his footsteps fade, she sagged against the doorjamb and started to cry.
Inspiration
I spent the majority of Fall and early Winter 2002 reuniting Jason and Elizabeth. It’s not surprise I barely remember writing most of them, LOL. I will say I was easily inspired by songs and this is one of my favorite all-time Celine Songs.
Timeline
This is set in late January of 2003. At this point, Jason and Brenda’s murder trial had concluded and his relationship with Courtney was public. Elizabeth had begun seeing Ric. Looking at this story now, I think maybe I wrote it before the murder trial got underway because this has Jason not being on trial at all and he was, LOL. Anyway, it’s set around the anniversary of Ruby Anderson’s death. Ruby had managed Kelly’s from the 1980s until her death in January 1999. She hired Elizabeth.
Banner
There’s so much life I’ve left to live
And this fire is burning still
She sat by herself after closing one night shortly before the end of January. The snow was falling softly outside and the diner was silent save for the small sounds of her tears.
The Alcazar murder trial had ended earlier that month—Brenda Barrett had been found guilty of second-degree murder. On her way to Pentonville, the prison van was stopped and she managed to escape. It was rumored that her husband had spirited her out of the country, but Jason Morgan had made a big show of going out to dinner with Sonny Corinthos that night with his wife Carly and sister Courtney.
Jasper Jacks, however, disappeared around the same time as Brenda. They’d put all points bulletins out on both, but with Brenda’s connections and Jax’s fortune, it was doubtful that they would be found unless they wanted to be.
Life had gone on as normally as it ever would in Port Charles. Skye Quartermaine filed for divorce, citing abandonment. Jason obtained his annulment and his relationship with Courtney Quartermaine became more public, only fueling the misery and bitterness of her estranged husband, AJ.
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
Sonny and Carly seemed to be stronger than ever and seemed content to ignore their lawyer’s strange behavior. Elizabeth didn’t care if Ric Lansing sometimes had strange dreams about explosions or muttered strange names in his sleep. He made her laugh.
And there were few people in her world that made her laugh these days. She’d stay with anyone as long as they didn’t make her cry.
Anyway, besides the occasional date with Ric, Elizabeth was pretty much on her own. Nikolas and Gia were busy arguing over law school and the wedding, Zander was always working and Lucky was busy with his father and Laura Spencer’s look-alike, Summer.
The reason she was sitting alone in Kelly’s that evening had nothing to do with any of that. It was the three-year mark. Ruby Anderson, the woman who had seen fit to hire Elizabeth over five years ago and keep her on—despite Elizabeth’s incompetence as a waitress—she’d died three years ago today.
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
Elizabeth and Ruby hadn’t always gotten along during the two and half years they’d worked together, but they’d gained a healthy respect for one another. After her rape, Ruby had afforded her all the time off she needed with no questions asked. She’d thought the younger woman was a wonderful influence on her nephew, Lucky.
And sometimes Elizabeth missed her. They could call it Ruby’s Chili all they wanted, but it wasn’t the same and people could tell. Kelly’s wasn’t the same without the fiery proprietor. Tammy had been a good friend and Elizabeth had enjoyed working for her and of course, Bobbie was always great to be around. But they weren’t Ruby.
And tonight, for some reason, when Bobbie had reminded them of the day, it had saddened Elizabeth. So, here she sat, nearly an hour after Kelly’s had closed—and she was crying.
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I’m in love with you
He’d tried to be a little unhappy when Courtney had told him her decision that evening, but he was pretty sure the feeling was more of relief than disappointment.
“I really—I really care about you Jason—but I love AJ. And I—I can’t just turn that off because I want to. I owe it to myself to give him one last chance.”
Jason had told her he understood, wished her happiness and he’d left the loft he rented for the last time. She was moving out the next day anyway. Although she’d given up her and AJ’s old apartment, she and AJ were going to move into a larger and nice apartment in a better part of town.
It’d been nice while it lasted – it’d been nice to be around someone and know that nothing was at stake, that he wasn’t risking anything to be with them. No one had really known about their relationship outside a small circle of people and he preferred it that way.
‘Cause I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
He regretted that Elizabeth was one of those people—he was never quite sure how she’d known for sure. The guilt had been so immense on both their parts that he and Courtney had made efforts to keep it especially hidden from her. At least, he had. Sometimes he wasn’t so sure about Courtney.
If Jason really wanted to be honest with himself, he’d admit that Courtney’s love for AJ wasn’t the only reason his relationship with her had failed. It’d been his feelings for Elizabeth that ultimately held him back.
Everything between the two of them was messy—the breakup had been messy, the subsequent meetings afterward had been full of misunderstandings. They’d pulled away from each other. They had both been running scared.
He missed his best friend. He missed the way she’d laugh, the way her eyes would sparkle after a night ride on the cliff roads, the way she bit her lower lip, the way she babbled—
He missed everything about Elizabeth Webber.
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
He stood outside in the courtyard as the snow fell around him. He watched through the window as she sat, curled up in a chair, her face tear stained. He wondered what had made her cry—was it a fight with her grandmother? No, Jason knew that couldn’t be it. Audrey Hardy had left shortly after Christmas for a six month vacation in Hawaii. Elizabeth, Sarah and an older brother Jason had never met had chipped to send their grandmother to paradise.
Elizabeth hadn’t told him that—Jason had heard it from Courtney who thought it was the sweetest thing over.
Was it Lucky or Luke Spencer? Jason knew Elizabeth had renewed her friendship with the Spencer family, but he hadn’t seen either around town lately. He didn’t think they’d be the reason she cried.
His fists clenched involuntarily and he wondered if it was his lawyer, Ric, who had made her cry. There’d be no where that man could hide if he’d hurt Elizabeth, Jason decided. He hadn’t liked Ric Lansing the second he’d laid eyes on him and liked him even less the first time he’d seen Elizabeth and Ric together.
Instead of standing out here like a fool, wondering what had made her cry—he could go in and find out.
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
She heard the door swing open before she saw it. She looked up and frowned a little when she saw Jason standing hesitantly in the door way.
Normally, she’d be on her feet, keeping her face from view as she hid her tears. She’d be asking why he was here, so late after closing.
But tonight, she stared at him and made no attempts to hide the tears. He was probably there to pick up the sweater Courtney had left there that day.
He walked inside, letting the door shut behind him. In two strides, he was in front of her. He crouched down to meet her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, cursing himself for asking such a stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay.
She thought about giving him the normal answer. Yes, of course I’m fine. I just got something in my eyes. He wouldn’t know she was lying—he never did anymore.
Instead, she slowly shook her head. “No,” she answered. “In all honesty, I haven’t been okay for a long time.”
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, rocking back on his heels.
Then and only then did she wipe away her tears. Using the back of her head, she swiped at them and sighed. “Bobbie reminded me that today was the anniversary of Ruby’s death. Ruby used to own—”
“I know,” Jason cut in swiftly. “I remember.” He paused. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too,” Elizabeth said quietly. She looked past him, towards the silent jukebox. “Sometimes days and weeks go by and I don’t even think of her, you know? But I’ll hear something she used to say or Courtney—” Elizabeth hesitated but only for a minute. “Courtney will remind me so much of how I used to be when I first started—and I try to remember how much patience Ruby had with me. I was such a horrible waitress back then. I must have dropped every other dish for at least a month. She nearly fired me a dozen times.”
“Why didn’t she?” Jason asked, almost relishing this conversation that felt so much like the old days. She would be upset, he’d find a way to get her to open up and she’d feel better.
Things used to be so simple.
I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you
“I have no idea,” Elizabeth admitted. “I think Lucky stuck up for me a lot since—” her cheeks flushed. “I was usually watching him when I broke the dishes,” she admitted.
Jason chuckled, thinking of the much younger Elizabeth and the massive crush she’d admitted she’d had on Lucky when she’d first moved here. “Sounds like something Lucky would have done.”
She sighed and stared at her hands. “I miss her sometimes. We were never all that close, but—she gave me my first real shot. She was the first person that believed in me, even if it was just because Lucky convinced her to.”
“She did make a mean bowl of chili,” Jason replied.
Elizabeth laughed then, the first time she’d laughed with him since—
It probably wasn’t a good sign that he couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed.
You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
It struck her then—that they were doing something they hadn’t done almost since he’d returned last summer. They were sitting in Kelly’s and talking—being honest with each other.
Not holding anything back.
She’d forgotten how much she’d missed that.
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said softly. “I feel better now that I’ve talked to you.” She met his eyes. “Just like I used to.”
The air had changed around them—the mood had shifted and they both knew it. They were no longer talking about Ruby Anderson and how much Elizabeth missed her.
They were talking about their friendship and how far off track it had gone.
Right now, there’s no better time
From this fear I will break free
“Do you ever get tired of running?” Jason asked quietly. He shifted from his crouching position and sat in a chair next to hers.
Elizabeth sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “I think I must have run twenty marathons,” she murmured. “I’m so tired, Jason. I’ve been running so long that I don’t even remember why I started or what I’m running from.”
“The day I left the penthouse—the day Sonny faked his death,” Jason said, struggling to get the words out. Struggling to tell her the truth—the truth he’d kept to himself. “I started running then and I haven’t even stopped to breathe.”
She smiled at him—a sad smile full of nostalgia and wistfulness. “Sometimes Jason—I think we’re more alike we give ourselves credit for.”
And I’ll live again with love
And no they can’t take that away from me
And they will see—
He stood then and she raised her head to look at him. Probably going home to Courtney, she thought bitterly. Always a blonde. Just once—could someone leave me for a redhead?
Instead, he held out his hand. “Come on.”
Elizabeth dropped her feet to the ground. Even as she asked, “Where are we going?” she was putting her and in his and letting him pull her to her feet.
Jason gave her a tiny half-smile then and shrugged. “Nowhere.”
Involuntarily, the tears she’d just hidden sprang to the surface and her vision blurred a little. “I could go for that,” she said softly.
I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
They rode for nearly two hours—he took her up and down the cliff roads, down the street that inspired her painting of The Wind. He went fast, took the turns even faster and they both ignored the biting cold.
She screamed on the turns—so much he thought she’d lose her voice. She laughed, throwing her head back, her hair flying all around her. Neither of them wore helmets—he never did and she’d convinced him to let her go without one—just this one time.
He finally headed in one destination—the old stone bridge out of town. The bike coasted to a stop and he turned off the engine. She didn’t let go of him right away—relished the feeling of being this close to him for the first time in months.
But finally, she sat up, unwound her arms from his waist and stood up. “I’ve really missed that,” Elizabeth admitted. She wondered if Courtney had been on the bike—if she loved it as much as Elizabeth did.
If Jason preferred Courtney on the bike.
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
“I’ve missed it too,” Jason confessed. She looked down at him and with a heavy sigh, he got off the bike. “It’s been almost two years.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been home since May and this is the first chance we’ve had to go,” Elizabeth replied, putting her hands in the pockets of her black winter jacket.
“I asked you and you didn’t want to go,” Jason reminded her. For once, he didn’t feel the bitterness that accompanied the feeling. She hadn’t wanted to go because of Zander. And he didn’t feel anything about that anymore. He was just lightly teasing her.
“Well, I asked you, too,” Elizabeth replied, giving him a small smile. “Remember?” She shrugged and started walking towards the bridge. “But you said it was too dangerous.”
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
“It was,” Jason insisted. She faltered in her steps and turned around, her face pale.
“Let me get this straight,” she said softly. “It’s too dangerous for you to be with me—but it’s all right for Courtney?”
And there it was. The name. The name of the woman they’d both been avoiding talking about.
“You told me over and over and over again,” Elizabeth continued, her eyes glowing with anger and frustration. “It was too dangerous. It was never going to be over. You drummed it in my head so many times I got sick of hearing the words.”
“Elizabeth—” Jason tried to cut in. To explain that he was talking about another type of danger all together. It wasn’t dangerous with Courtney. Nothing was at stake.
But she was on a roll—saying words she’d only been feeling for the past few months. “But then again, it really shouldn’t surprise me. You were willing to do anything for her. You guarded her personally—spent every waking moment with her while leaving me alone in a penthouse with a guard. You never talked to me, you’d come and go and I’d never even know you were there!” Her eyes filled with tears and try as though she might, she couldn’t hold them back. They spilled over her lashes and streamed down her cheeks. “You’d think I’d get the hint. But I’ve never been that good as seeing things right in front of my face.”
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. He stood there, frozen to the ground. How could she think that—that what he felt for Courtney in any way measured up to his feelings for Elizabeth?
She walked towards him and then passed him. “I want to go home.”
He turned around, reached out and grabbed her arm. “Elizabeth—”
“Take me home,” she repeated. “I don’t—I can’t do this anymore.” She struggled to pull her arm out of his firm grasp.
“I’m not taking you anywhere until you listen to me,” Jason said firmly. He shook his head. “We’re doing it again.”
Elizabeth stopped moving and stared up at him. “What?”
“I’m tired of running,” he said simply. “And I’m tired of watching you walk away.”
Every night’s getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
He let go of her arm and she took a step back. “It was too dangerous to be with you,” Jason said.
“Damn it—” Elizabeth began. Jason surprised her by pressing two fingers against her lips.
“Will you just let me explain?” he asked quietly. She nodded wordlessly and he let his hand fall back to his side. He took a deep breath and met her eyes, determined not to break the eye contact first.
“I know I let you believe I was talking about my job,” Jason said. “And part of me still thinks that’s true. But you know me. You know I would never make that decision for you.”
“Then what?” she asked softly.
“I was talking about me,” Jason answered. “It was too dangerous for me to be with you.”
I’ll swallow my pride and I’ll be alive
Can’t you hear my call
I surrender all
Elizabeth’s brow furrowed in confusion and she took a step back. “What?” she asked, startled. Too dangerous for him? What did that mean?
“I don’t—I don’t trust people easily,” Jason told her. “I don’t open up and I think you know that. But with you—it was almost too easy. I’ve talked about Michael with you. Talked about losing him and how it felt to be his father. I’ve never said that to anyone.” He took a deep breath. “And because I opened up to you so soon, so easily—so much—it was easier for you to hurt me.”
And boy, had she. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. First with Lucky, then with Zander and then leaving him.
“I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty,” Jason hurried to assure her. “I’m just stating a fact.”
She forced down her guilt and opened her eyes. “I know,” Elizabeth said softly.
“After Zander—I didn’t—” He licked his lips nervously and tried to continue. Told himself that he needed to be honest with her. “I didn’t want to let you do that again. Have that power anymore.”
I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
“I tried to push you away,” Jason said. “I did everything I could. I was mean to you; I purposely walked away all those times. I told you I couldn’t be friends with you anymore. But you—you—” He smiled a little, despite himself. “You didn’t seem to cooperate.”
Without thinking, he touched her face. “You never did want to give up when I wanted to.”
“I told you,” Elizabeth said, her voice a little shaky. “You can’t just drop out of my life. I’d miss you too much.”
“So—I gave in,” Jason continued. “I promised you that I would try. That I’d respect you, listen to you and be honest with you. I don’t like to make promises unless I know I can keep them. And I really—I really thought I could do it.” He stopped took a deep breath. He wanted to look away, but forced himself to continue the eye contact. “But I didn’t. I lied to you.”
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
“Jason—” Elizabeth tried to cut in, but he shook his head.
“I’m not finished,” he replied. “I lied. And I knew I was doing it. So I did what I could to avoid you. I couldn’t lie to your face and I couldn’t—I couldn’t tell you the truth. No matter how much I wanted to—I couldn’t.”
“That’s why you never came home?” Elizabeth asked. “It wasn’t because—”
“No, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see you. I would sit at the safe house with Sonny or Brenda and I’d think about you. I’d wonder if you were playing pool or drawing—thinking of you—knowing you were safe—it helped me get through it.”
“And I just left,” Elizabeth said, the self-loathing evident in her voice. “I am so sorry—”
“I don’t blame you for doing it,” Jason cut in. “I didn’t try to stop you. I let you walk away. I did it because I thought if I gave you some space—if I let you try and calm down, I thought maybe you’d be able to—” He shook his head. “I don’t know how I really justified it to myself, but I did. And I never told you how much I missed you.”
We’ll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
“And then everything went crazy,” Jason said after a few moments of silence. “The thing with Courtney’s stalker—it gave me something to think about so I wouldn’t have to think about you. And I didn’t think you’d come back to me, anyway. I thought you were—moving on. You were friends with Lucky again. You’d left town to help him.”
“And you married Brenda,” Elizabeth said. “I know why you did it. And I even understand it a little. She was sick, and needed someone to take care of her.”
“Right,” Jason answered. “And I thought I didn’t have any other reason.” He took a deep breath. “I came to you to tell you that the marriage was going to be over, because we’d found out she wasn’t sick and she didn’t need me any more.”
“And I shot you down,” Elizabeth said, sighing ruefully. “I don’t—”
“That was my fault,” Jason cut in. “You asked me if it was because I wanted another chance. It was blunt, straight-forward and to the point.” He clenched his fists. “And it scared the crap out of me. Because I did. But I backtracked—I ran. And you did, too. I don’t blame you, Elizabeth. We both did it. We’ve both been running.”
I’ll make you give them all to me
I’ll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
Elizabeth bit her lip and looked away. “What about Courtney?” she asked finally. “Why was it too dangerous for you and me, but not with her?”
“Because I never let her in,” Jason said, firmly. “She didn’t know me, Elizabeth. She didn’t understand me. She tried—and when she did a little, she didn’t want to be with me.” He took a deep breath. “She told me she was going back to AJ tonight and that’s fine with me.”
“But you did care about her,” Elizabeth said.
“Yes,” Jason admitted. “But it wasn’t enough. Because no matter how much I cared about her, I didn’t love her.” He stopped. No more running, he told himself again. Lay out all the cards. “I love you.”
Elizabeth stopped breathing. “W-what?” she asked, even though she’d heard him loud and clear the first time.
“I love you. Courtney and I never would have worked because despite everything—” Jason shrugged a little. Every time he said the words, they became a little easier. “I’m still in love with you.”
I’ll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you
After a few moments of nearly unbearable silence in which Jason forced himself not to look away from her, she exhaled slowly. “Yeah—I know what you mean.” She smiled. “Because no matter how much Ric makes me laugh or how nice he is to me—he’s not you.” She touched his face; let her fingers trail over his lips. “Because despite everything, I’m still in love with you, too.”
He stepped closer to her; she tilted her face up to keep their eyes on each other. Not once since Jason had started speaking had they looked away. It was a new beginning for the both of them.
He bent down and brushed his lips over hers. When he pulled away, Elizabeth gripped the sides of his jacket to keep him close and she kissed him again.
Right now
I give my life to live again
I’ll break free, take me
They stood there for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, the snow falling down around them.
Somehow, despite everything—they’d found their way back.
Inspiration
I honestly can’t remember if I wrote this before or after we saw the January 2003 confrontation in Kelly’s. I feel like I wrote this first an episode tag to that day’s show, and then I wrote Do You Ever Think of Me as a rewrite. Either way, I was inspired to give my own version of how Elizabeth’s reaction would go, using this Ben Lee song that I adore to this day.
Timeline
This story is set in January of 2003 and written at that time. Jason and Elizabeth had broken up in October of 2002, sharing very few scenes after that point. Jason and Courtney started dating in December, and he arranged for a loft where they could see each other privately while Elizabeth tentatively started seeing Ric Lansing. When Elizabeth learned that AJ (Courtney’s estranged husband) had hired a PI to follow her, Elizabeth was worried and followed Courtney to warn her. Instead, she saw Jason meeting Courtney there. This story is set directly after that.
Banner
I should let this go but I just can’t
And now it’s just a lesson I can’t grasp
She walks into Kelly’s, her head still held high. She finishes her shift somehow and manages to forget where she’s been today.
It’s only after she goes to home her empty studio that she even lets it register.
Her first instinct is to cry. She sits on her couch and cries for a good solid hour. She cries thinking of the times they’d spent in this studio—safe and hidden from the world. Just the two of them in their little fantasy world.
So what’s really the best that I could do
To hope to see you every year or two
Her second instinct is to rage. She breaks blank canvases over her knees and throws empty glasses against the wall, the sound of them shattering making her bruised feelings feel only mildly better.
She crumples to the floor after all the anger has been drained from her small body. She sits against the door he gave her and holds the remaining pieces of a beautiful deep fire red piece of glass. She once threw it against the wall, shattering into thousands of tiny little pieces.
She’d then spent the next three hours picking up every single solitary piece. She saved them all and now she stares down at them.
And the things you said
Do they still make sense
Her third instinct is silence. She doesn’t speak and she doesn’t move. She sits against her door and stares out the window.
She remembers what it was like to come into the studio and see him standing at the window peering out at everything and nothing. She remembers what it was like to stand next to him.
She watches the day pass into dusk into night into dawn. She doesn’t move—her body is paralyzed.
Could you mean them now
Did you even mean them then
She briefly entertains the thought that all the long nights she spent in the penthouse alone, he was with her. Like that.
The thought doesn’t last long. No matter what she thinks of Jason, she has to believe that his relationship with his brother’s wife and best friend’s sister didn’t begin until she left.
Because if she thinks for one second that it’s any different…
She’d never be able to look at herself in the mirror.
I could torture myself insane and tense
But I don’t have the strength
Her fourth instinct is acceptance. She comes to that just as the new day begins. She can’t be upset. She can’t be angry.
She can’t cry betrayal.
She left him. She told the other woman it was okay. She never gave him the chance to work it out. He came to her twice and she stopped him cold.
And if he is really…truly happy…
Then she can be okay with this.
I’m crushed in pain you drifted through my life
But even looking back I know it’s right
Her fifth instinct is to stand. She stands and stretches. Sitting in one spot for so many hours is something she isn’t going to do again.
She takes a shower and dresses in fresh clothing. She throws her hair up in a messy pony tail and doesn’t bother with make-up.
Today is a new day. It’s not a better day than yesterday or the one before it.
It won’t be any better than tomorrow—but it’s still a new day.
I gave you my heart scared complete and whole
When all you ever asked for was my soul
Her sixth instinct is to leave. She pulls on a coat and goes to work. This time she’ll stay out of other people’s business. Even if they lie to her and do suspicious things—
She’ll never follow someone else again unless she’s completely prepared for what might happen.
She never…ever wants to be blindsided again. She’s sick of it and refuses to let it happen again.
And there’s nothing left
But a song or two
When she sees him in the courtyard, standing outside Kelly’s, the first thing she wants to do is to run.
She doesn’t give in. She walks towards him, touches his arm to get his attention. He frowns and turns towards her. She hasn’t initiated contact between them for a long time.
“I just need to say a few things,” she says softly. He stares at her for a second and then nods.
That mean not a thing
If I can’t play them for you
“I’m sorry,” she begins. “I’m sorry I walked away from you so many times. I’ve made mistakes but the ones I’ve made with you will haunt me for the rest of my life.”
He lets out slow breath, rubs the back of his neck. “Elizabeth—”
“Please—” she says, holding up a hand. “Just let me finish.”
She closes her eyes for a moment and then opens them again. “You listened when no one else could hear me and I really think you saved my life all those years ago. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t stop that guy that night at Jake’s.” She stops and looks down at the ground. “You were always there for me. You never flinched and you never turned me away, even when I asked you to…even when I did things that hurt you.”
If I could hear your voice just one more time
Maybe I’d be fine
She looks up and meets his unwavering gaze. “I am so sorry I was never that kind of friend to you.”
She takes a step back from him, clutches at the strap of her purse. “I just needed to tell you all that before I tell you this last thing. I hope, Jason, that you find happiness. I really, truly hope you do. Because the only thing I’ve ever wanted for you…was for you to be happy.”
He looks at her for a moment and swallows hard. “That’s all I ever wanted for you, Elizabeth. And…I’m sorry, too.”
But I guess I won’t
Cause it’s too late now
She blinks and tilts her head to the side. “For what?” she asks.
“For not trying,” he replies. “For letting you walk away. For leaving you by yourself at that time. For not telling you about Sonny. For pushing you away. There’s a lot to apologize for.”
She sighs and looks away. “Can I just ask one question? I just…I need to ask it for my own sanity.”
And I guess you’re gone
Cause it’s too late now
He nods and she looks at the ground. “When you weren’t at the penthouse…you weren’t with Courtney were you?”
She can hear the sharp intake of break and she looks up instantly, horrified that she might actually be right.
“I know…there’s something between you,” she says, softly, the tears burning her eyes. “She was in yesterday and I told her about AJ hiring the investigator. See, I overheard him and the guy said Courtney hadn’t been at home. I asked her…and she said that she’d been at Mike’s. And then she asked me to cover for her so she could check on him.” She stops and takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. “But Mike called. He hadn’t seen her in days. So when Courtney left…I…” Her cheeks flush and her eyes dart to the side. “I followed her.”
“Elizabeth—”
“So, I just need to know,” she cuts in, looking up at him again. “That whatever it is going on…it didn’t start before I left, did it? I mean…you meant the things you said that night, right?” She licked her lips nervously.
And the pain I feel
Is all I can take
He exhaled slowly. “It didn’t start until last month, I swear. Elizabeth, I could never do that to you. I was guarding Brenda at the safe house the nights I didn’t come home. Nothing happened between me and Courtney.” He takes and deep breath. He tilts her chin up so he could look her fully in the eyes. “And I meant what I said that night.”
Her eyes soften. She believes him.
As if realizing a second too late how close he is to her, he lets go of her chin and steps back. She blinks back the tears again and looks away.
Maybe this turn of karma
Is too late
“Just be happy,” she whispers. She turns away and goes inside the diner, hurrying behind the counter.
Her blonde co-worker gives her a weak smile as she ties the green apron around her waist.
And for the first time, she recognizes the guilt swimming in the other woman’s eyes.
And it almost chokes her.
Maybe I was wrong
Maybe I was caught in a net of passion
The shift crawls by and she finds her thoughts drifting to the courtyard time and time again.
It’s still there—the connection. She can feel it and she knows he felt it, too. It was in the way he spoke, the way his eyes looked at her, the he touched her skin.
She could feel that his feelings hadn’t changed or gone away. And neither has hers.
But it didn’t matter anymore.
Maybe I was caught
Maybe I should take it all with salt
Whether or not he felt the same, he’d moved on. He was married—and dating someone else. Anyway she looked at it—
Their chance had passed.
They’d never had a chance, to be honest.
And that in itself spoke volumes.
And soon I’ll believe that it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault
She was the reason they never had a chance. She’d pulled away, walked away and pushed him away for so long…
And now he’d gone away on his accord. He’d found someone who gave him her love freely and without terms, without conditions. She didn’t hold back, she didn’t run away.
Things she couldn’t give him. Things she’d never be able to give him.
And it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault
She pulls her coat on after her shift. She walks through the snow once again to her empty studio.
Its only inhabitants besides herself the memories of a friendship that had once upon time…meant the world to her.
And if she was honest with herself, it still did.
And it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault
She opens the door and frowns, seeing the single white sheet of paper laying on the ground. She kneels and picks it up.
I still mean them.
She smiles then…a real genuine smile.
Maybe it still meant something to him, too.
And it’s not my fault
If I say it enough
I’ll believe that it’s not my fault
