Elizabeth Webber shoved the coffee pot into its place and glared at nothing in particular. After an entire day of working, she was more than ready to call it a night and sleep for a week. She hated this job and she hated Port Charles. She should have never moved here. What had she been thinking? Trying to connect to a sister and grandmother who quite clearly didn’t want her here?
She checked the clock. Ten minutes until closing. She could do this. The diner was nearly empty anyway. A couple in one corner and one man—drinking coffee in the courtyard.
She bypassed the couple–she was in no mood to deal with young love–and breezed out of the doors—in time to see the explosion.
The man drinking coffee in the courtyard had been alone when Elizabeth had served him. Now, a brunette was sitting across from him and a blonde was in the brunette’s face. Both were arguing bitterly and the man seemed to content to let them kill each other.
Elizabeth almost walked back in–but she found herself curious. The trio hadn’t noticed her appearance, so she crossed her arms and leaned back to enjoy the drama.
She learned the brunette was Robin, the blonde Carly and the man Jason. The blonde seemed to be blunt, bordering on the crude while Robin the brunette was sweetly cutting. Every word that came out of her mouth could be interpreted about a dozen ways. The man, Jason, wasn’t speaking at all. In fact, he seemed to be ignoring their presence.
Elizabeth discovered that Jason had been in relationships with both of them at one point or another. He had a son with Carly and had broken up with both of them–which meant he was single, Elizabeth decided, looking over the muscular blonde Adonis. Not a bad thing.
Robin accused Carly of wrecking her life and anyone else’s that came along while Carly accused her of betraying Jason. Robin said something along the lines of Carly being a slut which Carly laughed off.
Elizabeth arched an eyebrow as Robin called Carly insane and was pleasantly surprised when Robin brought up the son that apparently wasn’t Jason’s after all. Just as Robin finished telling Carly that she should take her son and leave town, Jason suddenly sat forward.
He told Robin in no certain terms that she was never to mention Michael’s name again. Carly smiled gleefully until Jason turned to her and told her to go home to Sonny. Robin stood and left, throwing a hurt glance towards Jason. Carly seemed to back off after the Sonny comment and left.
Amused, Elizabeth came forward with the coffee pot. “Is there anything else I can get you?”
“No.” Jason looked up. “How long were you standing there?”
“I came out just as Carly showed up,” Elizabeth replied. She pulled out her order pad and scribbled the amount. “Sounds like you have your hands full.” She put the check in the table. “You ever get them squared away? Give me a call.” She grinned at him and headed back into Kelly’s, her cell phone number in a circle underneath the amount of his check.
This is set in the summer of 2004, after Elizabeth had left Port Charles to have Cameron. On the show, she abruptly left Ric in April of 2004 when she overheard him taunting Sonny about being the better man and raising another man’s child. She decided that this was the last straw (yeah — this and not the other bullshit) and left. Rebecca Herbst was on maternity leave for about two months. When she returned, they’d closed off the Ric storyline. They divorced and didn’t revisit a romance for about a decade.
As for Jason, he was in flux at that point. His marriage to Courtney was on the rocks (they’d separated and she’d filed for divorce), but he hadn’t yet moved on to Sam.
Inspiration
I’m pretty sure that I wrote this while she was on the maternity leave. I know that I heard the song by Melissa Etheridge and wanted to write it. I hope you like it.
Banner Here
It’d been six months since she’d left Port Charles and in that time, she hadn’t been in contact with anyone she’d left behind. She’d preferred it that way and after her divorce came through—she quietly moved across country where her ex-husband would never find her. She rented a post office box in Nebraska for the alimony payments and once a week all the mail in that box was forwarded to her new home.
Whatever Ric’s faults had been, his alimony was generous and he even paid child support so Elizabeth Webber Lansing had bought a small home with two bedrooms—and a backyard. She’d never live in another apartment, she promised herself.
Her baby was four months old—a little girl she’d named Emma Audrey. Emily Audrey had been her first choice but the name had sounded slightly awkward to her ears and Emma had been the final decision.
She’d cut off all ties with her previous home and she thought that everyone else there had forgotten about her.
Which is why it surprised her when she caught a glimpse of Jason Morgan in San Diego.
I played the fool today
She decided it was a coincidence—that Jason was not looking for her and if anyone would look for her, it would not be her somewhat ex-boyfriend. It’d be Lucky or Emily.
She concluded that if it had been Jason—and she wasn’t even sure of that—he did not know that she lived in San Diego and even if he did—she wasn’t sure why he’d care enough to know, anyway—it would not matter to him.
And I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Jason was there to find her, though. Emily was getting married—not to Nikolas as everyone had expected—but to Lucky Spencer and the only thing Emily wanted for her wedding was for Elizabeth to be her maid of honor.
Jason promised to bring her home. For his sister, for Elizabeth’s grandmother—for himself.
It hadn’t been difficult to get the address of the post office where Ric sent a monthly check. Once he’d located the post office in Nebraska, he’d paid handsomely for the information of Elizabeth’s current location.
It hadn’t been more than seventy-hours since he’d left Port Charles and he was standing in front of Elizabeth’s home, watching her sit on a blanket on her lawn with the baby cradled in her arms.
Longing for home again
She’d changed in the six months since she’d left—becoming a mother was just one of those changes. Her hair was longer—curlier than he remembered. Almost as curly as those days he’d spent in her studio healing from the gunshot wound. Had it been almost six years since that time?
She hadn’t lost all of the weight from the pregnancy but he didn’t think it looked to bad on her, actually. She had always been beautiful but being a mother had added something extra to that.
He didn’t call out to her at first—he knew that she’d left Port Charles to escape memories and no matter how much Emily wanted her home, he would not disturb her if she were happy here—happy being away from the misery her life there had given her.
But home is a feeling I buried in you
“Are you cold, Emma?” Elizabeth cooed. She tucked the pink blanket in more tightly around the squirming baby. “I can’t believe how fast the summer has gone. Before you know it, I’ll be decorating for Halloween. I found the cutest kitten costume for you.”
As if actually understanding her mother, Emma cooed and kicked her legs. “And then it’ll be Christmas. I used to have lots of Christmas decorations—but I had to leave those behind so we’ll be buying new ones and we’ll get a tree and you can pick what I’ll put on a top. A star or—an angel.” She held Emma up and smiled as Emma giggled. “Which would you rather have?”
“An angel’s supposed to watch over things.”
He didn’t know he’d actually spoken until she lowered Emma into her baby carrier and looked at him. Whether or not she was surprised at his presence, her face never changed.
I’m all right, I’m all right
“Jason. I didn’t think you knew where I was.”
He strode across the grass then and sat on the edge of the blanket, regretting the way the light had gone from her eyes with his arrival. “It wasn’t so hard to find you—once I found the PO Box in Lincoln.”
“I don’t want Ric to know where I am,” Elizabeth admitted. She started to put Emma’s various toys into her diaper bag. “It’s easier that way. Each check he sends, he sends with it a letter asking me to come back.”
“And you don’t plan on going back?”
“Not to him.”
“But you’d consider coming back?”
She looked up at him and frowned. “Why are you here, Jason? Why would you to go the trouble of finding me?”
It only hurts when I breathe
“Emily wants you to come home. She’s getting married and she wants you to be her maid of honor,” Jason informed her.
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “She’s getting married? But—it’s so soon after Nikolas died—”
Jason sighed and looked away. “I didn’t realize—you left before—he’s not dead, Elizabeth.”
“He’s not?” Elizabeth asked, startled. She pressed her lips together firmly. “Don’t know why that doesn’t surprise me as much as it ought to. No one in Port Charles stays dead. Not Lucky, not Brenda Barrett, not Nikolas—not Sonny.” She shrugged and zipped the diaper bag shut. “So she and Nikolas are getting married.”
“Nikolas fell in love with someone else. He had amnesia and when he finally got his memory back—he went back to Emily but the woman who’d taken care of him—he loved her.”
“That must have devastated Emily.”
“By the time Nikolas returned, Emily had moved past her grief and she was already—moving on in a sense.” Jason hesitated. “She’d changed while he was gone and neither of them were the people they’d been when they’d fallen love.”
I can’t ask for things to be still again
“I can understand that. Who is she marrying?”
“Lucky.” Jason shifted. “It’s in a few months—you wouldn’t have to decide right away but she wants you there and the only thing she wanted from me as wedding gift—was to find you.”
“I wish I could,” Elizabeth said softly. She held her finger out to Emma who curled her tiny hand around it. “But I’m not sure it’s a good idea for me to return to Port Charles.”
“Ric would not be a problem for you—I’d see to that personally,” Jason pledged.
“It’s not Ric I’m worrying about. I can handle the letters he sends—because he’s been generous with alimony and child support and I don’t have to work. I can spend all my time with Emma.”
“Emma,” Jason repeated. He glanced at Elizabeth’s daughter who was studying him with her open brand of curiosity. The baby was tiny with creamy skin, wide blue eyes and light brown—almost blonde—hair. “She’s beautiful.”
“I wanted to name her Emily but the name didn’t go well with her middle name,” Elizabeth explained. “Emma Audrey Webber.”
“So if it’s not Ric you’re worried about—then what is it?”
I can’t ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes
“Old memories,” Elizabeth said briefly. She stood and swung the diaper bag over her shoulder before lifting Emma’s carrier into her arms. “Go home, Jason. Tell Emily that I love her and I wish her all the happiness in the world. But I can’t go back there.”
She turned towards the door and was almost there when he called out to her. She glanced over her shoulder. “What are you scared of?” he demanded.
Elizabeth pursed her lips and sighed. “Grab the blanket and come inside. The least I can do is feed you before you leave.”
Longing for home again
She put Emma down for her nap and beckoned Jason to join her in the kitchen. “I don’t have any beer—”
“Elizabeth, I don’t need—” He broke off. “Why won’t you come home?”
“This is my home now,” Elizabeth murmured. She started making two sandwiches—one pastrami and the other a simple bologna and cheese. “I worked hard to make this my home and I can’t—I can’t risk it.”
“Can’t risk what?” Jason leaned against the Formica counter and frowned at her. “Where’s the risk in going to her wedding?”
“Because I don’t like who I am in Port Charles,” Elizabeth said simply. “And you can’t change my mind about it. Give Emily my address and phone number if you like—I’d like to keep in touch with her. But please don’t think you can talk me out of staying here.”
He sighed heavily. “Elizabeth—”
“I’m finished talking about it.” She shoved the pastrami sandwich towards him. “It’s not as good as Kelly’s but it’ll do.” She hesitated. “So—I know what Emily, Lucky and Nikolas are doing. How about you?”
But home is a feeling I buried in you
“I’m divorced, too,” Jason offered. “We got divorced in April—around the time you left, actually. Courtney left town—she and Sonny had this—.argument and they don’t talk anymore.”
“That’s too bad.” Elizabeth shifted. “Sonny and Carly get back together?”
“No—they actually signed divorce papers,” Jason informed her. “Carly’s gone, too. She and Alcazar—they imploded and he’s—” he hesitated. “Gone,” he finally said. “Carly’s living in Florida—with Courtney actually.”
“Sonny?” Elizabeth asked. “Does he still see his boys?”
“Not as often as he’d like but yeah—he’s engaged to Sam.” Jason grimaced. “Not sure if I like that.”
I’m all right, I’m all right
Elizabeth laughed. “Oh, why not? I always liked her.”
“She talks a lot,” Jason said simply. “Too much—and she’s always asking me advice about Sonny. If she should do this, or do that—I know she wants to make him happy and all but—it’s just—irritating.”
“So—basically—you just listen to Sam talk, you work and you talk to Emily.” Elizabeth nodded. “Sounds—like you’re okay.”
He shrugged. “It makes the day go by faster. What about you? Is it just you and Emma?”
“If you’re asking if there’s someone in my life—no. No guys, no friends—I don’t need anyone else but Emma.”
“Why?” he asked bluntly.
“Because I had friends once—I had someone that I loved and it brought me nothing but pain. I left Port Charles to keep that from happening again and I just—I’m not interested in doing all of that again.”
It only hurts when I breathe
He sighed and pushed his plate away. “When I said I was here on Emily’s behalf—that was partially true.”
“Then what’s the rest of it?” Elizabeth asked briskly.
“I had to see for myself that you were okay.” He exhaled slowly. “Six months and no word—I’ve never gone that long without knowing.”
She frowned. “You were gone for a while year—”
“But I could ask Sonny if you were okay or Emily or hell, even Alexis. I knew when you faked your death, when you had your accident—about your wedding with Lucky—I was never out of touch with someone back home so six months was a long time.”
She stared at him. “I didn’t realize you’d thought of me so often.”
“All the time,” he admitted. He rounded the counter and stood in front of her. “I should have told you some of this when I came home the last time.”
I’m all right, I’m all right
“It would only have hurt me worse if I’d known,” Elizabeth said softly. “Because at least then—I could believe you didn’t care.”
“And thinking that I didn’t care hurts less than knowing that I do?” he asked—a little baffled.
“Because if you didn’t care—I wasn’t losing anything.” Her voice was shaky now and she hated him for doing this. For coming into her clean and private world and shaking it around—making her feel—making her remember. “Because if you didn’t care—losing you wouldn’t destroy me and—it didn’t. Because I knew I didn’t matter.”
He shook his head sharply. “No—that’s just not true. You did matter—you still matter—”
“No—I’m not doing this.” She turned away from him and left the kitchen. He followed her into the living room. “I want you to leave.”
“I’m not leaving.”
It only hurts when I breathe
“Why?” Elizabeth spun around and jabbed a finger in his chest. “Why now? When I’m away from it all—when I’ve put it all behind me? Why do you do this now instead of five seconds after I walked out that door?”
“Because I didn’t think you cared anymore and if you didn’t care then I wasn’t losing anything.” Her own words were spit back in her face—and oh, how they stung.
“That’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not,” Jason agreed. “It wasn’t fair to feel that way then and it’s still not fair that we both feel that way now. When I came home that last time—I came home for you.”
My window through which nothing hides
She paled and stepped away. “No—that’s not true—you came home for Sonny—”
“I knew you weren’t with Lucky anymore and I thought enough time had passed that you were over him but you weren’t. And I’d already waited for two years—I didn’t think a few more months would change anything.”
“Jason—this is ridiculous—why are we rehashing things that happened two years ago? We had our chance and whatever was between us—it wasn’t enough to survive. You married Courtney. I married Ric. You have no right to come here and pretend like it’s the morning after I walked out on you—”
“I didn’t intend to say any of these things but I thought you should know the truth. I married Courtney, yes. But she didn’t understand me. She didn’t get me half as much as you did. She called the cops on her own brother and knocked me out to save Alcazar.”
“She did what?” Elizabeth asked, stunned. “Why would Courtney be anywhere near—how could you let her that close to a job?” she demanded. “Do the two of you have any sense?”
“Elizabeth—you are the only woman in my life who has never betrayed me and I think I finally figured out why that is.”
“Because I have the common sense that God gave a mule?” Elizabeth said dryly. “Jason—I don’t—”
“Because you know me and you know what would hurt me and you would never do anything to hurt me deliberately just like I would never do anything to hurt you deliberately.”
“That’s not true—Jason, you’re not being very clear here—”
And everything sings
“Do you remember the way we used to be?” Jason interrupted. His voice had changed—it was quiet now. “When we were in the studio and it was just the two of us.”
“We work when we’re alone—but other people screw it up,” Elizabeth said. She backed up from him and turned away.
“I felt safe there and I thought it was because no one knew I was there. But that wasn’t it at all. And when you were at the penthouse, it felt like a home to me.”
She turned back then, her guard down a little—her eyes wary. “It did?”
“But it was never the studio that made me feel safe or the penthouse that felt like home—it was you.”
‘Cause I’m counting the signs
“Jason—” Elizabeth trailed off uncertain. “I don’t know what you want from me—”
“I want you to tell me why you won’t come home,” he challenged.
“I told you.”
He stepped towards. “And this time—I want you to be honest with me.”
“It hurts,” Elizabeth whispered. “It hurts to be around you. It always has—but I thought I could make it okay—that if I could have your friendship—”
Cursing the miles in between
“Are we just friends?” Jason interrupted, “or do you want something more from me?”
She stared at him for a moment before answering. “Yeah—yeah, I do,” she breathed.
“Then come home. Just for a little while—just for Emily’s wedding.”
“What about after that?” Elizabeth asked cautiously.
Home is a feeling I buried in you
“I don’t know,” Jason admitted. “But I know that I don’t want to go another six months without seeing you.” He held a hand out to her. “Come home.”
I’m all right, I’m all right
“All right,” Elizabeth agreed, hesitantly. She took his hand and smiled faintly as he held it tightly. “I’ll come home.”
This was definitely one of those times I heard a song and I wanted to write something for it. I don’t really have other memory of this, lol.
Timeline
Other than just generally being set sometime in 2004, there really isn’t a lot of setup here. It’s during Elizabeth’s marriage to Ric, but after the birth of her child (who we didn’t know was a boy when I wrote it.) It’s kind of a foggy history story — it’s set in the GH world, but there’s nothing really tethering it to a time or place.
Banner Here
Sooner or later she feels the morning come
She wakes up, a smile on her face. Her husband thinks it’s because he’s there and he smiles back at her.
But her smile—the light in her eyes is not for him. Not today.
He leaves for work with a kiss to her cheek and a cup of coffee. When his car has pulled out of the driveway, she spurs into action.
Isn’t it safer — dark thoughts all gone
Today is the day she makes her escape.
What a sensation
She packs as many of her daughter’s clothes as she can cram into three diaper bags and a suitcase. She tosses in the stuffed animals the baby can’t live without, formula—nearly everything the little girl owns.
She herself is only taking two suitcases and a few art supplies.
She has made it through one more tomorrow
She doesn’t bother leaving a note—doesn’t care enough to tell him that she’ll never come back. That she doesn’t love him.
That she’s almost sure she never did.
It’d been an illusion—a trick of light.
Raising up her eyes to a brand new sky
She will never be tricked again.
She knows the truth at last
She packs the car up, locks the door tightly and fastens her daughter into the car seat. The divorce papers that she’d tricked him into signing the week before have already been signed and filed.
He’d thought it was a form for the doctor’s office about the baby.
She’s never coming back
She wants to slam her foot on the pedal and never look back. But she doesn’t want to draw attention to herself so she drives the speed limit and follows every traffic law to the letter.
She’ll be gone
So many years
She arrives at the meeting point and sits on the hood of her car with her daughter in her arms. This is a safe place for her. It always has been. A hundred yards away sits an old dilapidated boxcar that isn’t visible to her but she can feel it sitting there.
She’ll be gone
Melting away
A lifetime ago, she found him bleeding in the snow like some sort of tragic snow angel. She’d picked him off the ground and forced him to live—to breathe.
And weeks ago, he’d found her crying in the snow. Her daughter is almost a year old, she has the house in the suburbs, the perfect husband—the life she should have wanted.
The life that suffocated her, trapped her.
He’d forced her to live—to breathe again.
She’ll be gone
This is the day
Her daughter stirs in her arms and starts to cry, confused by the strange surroundings.
She rocks her back to sleep. Hers eyes are trained on the road. Willing this not to be a cruel joke.
Someone is walking up to the bedroom door
In the fifteen months since her second marriage to the same man, she has become the trophy wife she’d sworn never to be. The pretty woman on his arm at social functions as he butters the wealthy up for reelection campaign funding. The doting wife who organizes dinners for his colleagues and always has his warmed in the oven when he works late.
Hearing him knocking
She knows what it’s for
He never asked her to make these changes but she felt the pressure to be perfect—to make his life perfect. It choked her and six weeks ago, it threatened to kill her.
But he’d found her crying in the clearing near the boxcar. He’d forced her to tell him what was wrong—forced her to treat him like the man she’d once thought she’d imagined.
She’s at the window wondering why there is no one to save her
And on that day, their plan to escape their lives had been borne.
Raising up her eyes to a brand new sky
Their respective lives that choked them, that trapped them—that changed who they were at the very core—
They would run away and never look back.
She knows the truth at last
she’s never coming back
Just as she thinks she might have imagined that day in the snow, she hears the rumble of the familiar bike.
He coasts the bike to a stop and approaches her. He takes the baby from his arms and cradles her in his own as if she were his.
She’ll be gone
So many years
“You’re late,” she tells him, teasingly.
“Traffic.” But he’s smiling too. Her daughter is awake now and she’s smiling, reaching her chubby fists for his leather jacket.
She’ll be gone
Melting away
“Ready to go?” she asks. He nods and although it pains him, he leaves the motorcycle where it’s parked. He has enough money to buy another and they need the car to get to the airport.
He’ll send for it one day, he tells himself. One day, he’ll tell his sister to send it to where they end up.
She’ll be gone
This is the day
She moves the car seat to the back and he fastens the little girl inside, making sure the straps are tight. He gives her a beaten up giraffe he’d hidden inside his jacket. He’d given it to another baby once upon a time—a little boy he’d loved as a son.
And now he was giving it to a little girl he’d raise as a daughter. After all—she had her mother’s blue eyes.
Raising up her eyes to a brand new sky
She knows the truth at last
Jason Morgan started the car and backed it back onto the road taking Elizabeth and Audrey Lansing away from Port Charles.
This was a challenge from The Canvas, issued in early September. I’m so sorry that I can’t remember the username right now — I only remember that they wrote fanfiction I liked, lol. They wanted a montage like the good old days in the late 1990s and they specifically wanted the timestamps. This was right around the time Kelly Clarkson won the first season of American Idol, and I’d heard this song on the radio while driving to class.
Recap
This is set in September 2002, after Sonny faked his death, and Jason wasn’t coming home to the penthouse often. The story also features Carly and Sonny, AJ and Courtney, and Skye and Jax.
[00:00-00:18}
What if I told you
It was all meant to be
Would you believe me
Would you agree
Carly enters the room of the safe house. Her hand flies to her mouth as she sees Sonny standing before her. Tears fill her eyes as she drinks in the sight she thought she’d never see again.
[00:19-00:35]
It’s almost that feelin’
That we’ve met before
So tell me that you don’t think I’m crazy
When I tell you love has come here and now
AJ unlocks the door to the apartment and enters. He closes it behind him and turns to see the apartment decorated in candles. Courtney is leaning against their dining table, smiling. AJ closes his eyes and thanks whatever miracle brought him here.
[00:36-00:53]
A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
Skye’s eyes drift open and she looks over at Jax sleeping next to her. She can hear another storm raging outside—and she’s so thankful that she’s here, safe from her own personal thunder and rain.
[00:54-01:08]
Oh, I can’t believe it’s happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Jason rubs his eyes as he enters the penthouse. He’d just dropped Carly off with Sonny—and he wasn’t looking forward to this moment. He spies Elizabeth sitting on the couch, wrapped in an afghan. A weak smile graces his face as he realizes she fell asleep sitting up, waiting for him.
[01:10-01:22]
Everything changes
But beauty remains
Something so tender
I can’t explain
Carly hesitates only a moment before throwing herself into Sonny’s arms. She clings to him, the tears she’d tried to desperately to hide spilling down her cheeks. Sonny wraps his arms tightly around her and hopes she’ll understand why he did this.
[01:23-01:40]
Well I may be dreamin
But still lie awake
Can we make this dream last forever
And I’ll cherish all the love we share
Courtney takes a short step from the table. AJ drops his keys next to the door and closes the rest of the distance. He touches her face, amazed at this beautiful woman who’s made his life worth living again.
[01:41-02:09]
A moment like this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
For that one special kiss
I can’t believe it’s happening to me
Some people wait a life time
For a moment like this
Skye tightens her grip on Jax and sighs. She’d be willing to elope tonight if he would let her. All she wanted to do was spend the rest of her life proving to him that trusting her again would not be a mistake.
[02:12-02:24]
Could this be the reign of love above
I wanna know that you will catch me when I fall
Jason crouches next to Elizabeth. Her head is resting on the armrest and her face is scrunched up. He knows he should go upstairs and not touch her but he can’t resist brushing a piece of hair out of her face.
[02:25-02:37]
So let me tell you this
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment like this
Carly pulls away from Sonny and stares at him for a second. She shocks them both by slapping him—the sound echoing in the nearly empty room. She throws her arms around him all over again.
[02:38-02:47]
Some people spend two lifetimes
For a moment like this
Some people search forever
The dinner forgotten, AJ and Courtney are dancing to music only they can hear. He’s holding so tightly—he’s afraid that he ever lets go, she disappear like the angel that she is. He leans in to kiss her, relishing that for one moment in his life, it’s perfect.
[02:48-02:58]
For that one special kiss
Oh I can’t believe it’s happening to me
Some people wait a lifetime
Jax opens his eyes to look at Skye sleeping peacefully. Some might say he was justifiably insane for accepting her back in his life—but he couldn’t honestly imagine his life without the fiery redhead that made everything worth it.
[02:59-03:06]
For a moment like this
Elizabeth opens her eyes sleepily and smiles. Jason is home—he’s safe. “Hi,” she whispers. “I made you a sandwich—it’s in the fridge.” He stares at her, his blue eyes filled with emotion. Elizabeth notices his hair is wet and runs her hand through it. “You’ll catch a cold.” He clasps her hand as it traces his jaw and presses a soft kiss to her palm.
[03:07-03:22]
Oh, like this
Some people search forever oh yeah
Carly kisses Sonny passionately—scared to death that that he’ll disappear. She can’t quite believe he’s here with her. She just buried him—and now she’s standing here, with him. His warm body pressed against hers—Carly was floating and never wanted to come down.
[03:23-03:30]
Some people wait a lifetime
For a moment
Jason released her hand and moves to stand. She reaches out both hands and grasps his shoulders to keep him at eye level. “I’m glad you’re home.” Home. A foreign concept to Jason that he thinks might get used to.
“I had someone to come home to,” Jason whispers, touching her face. She smiles. And for one brief moment in his constantly changing and moving world—for this moment—he lets himself love her.
This was a sequel to Please Remember, and I only write it because I was so excited by the amount of replies I got at The Canvas (50!). Everyone wanted a sequel, and I thought this was my ticket to fame (I was 18, be kind, LOL), and so I wrote this. And then no one really read it. Also, the song I used has been sooo hard to find. It was like scrubbed from YouTube and Spotify, and I finally found it on Vimeo. It was one of the solo songs the Backstreet Boys individually sang at their shows.
He stands in front of the mirror and stares at himself. He can no longer recognize the person he’s become.
He feels her hands at his throat. “Jesus, did you tie this thing yourself?” Carly grumbles as she unties the silk fabric and redoes the bow.
He brushes her hands away. “Lay off, Carly,” he says quietly. Jason Morgan is getting married today—it’s his second marriage and he still doesn’t love the woman he’s about to wed.
He and Courtney had come together in a time of mutual despair and grief. She’d been thrown by her husband’s betrayal and Jason was desperate to feel anything at time when nothing colored his bleak world.
He stares at himself in the mirror and he wonders when his life became this. When he’d lost sight of who he was and what he wanted. Was it the day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his penthouse and took the color with her?
Was it the day he kissed a woman he barely knew and didn’t even like all that much in the rain? When he married a woman he couldn’t stand and pretended to love her?
All of those days counted—but the day that mattered the most—the day he really realized how deep a hole he’d dug himself—
The day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his life forever.
She’d left town shortly after their goodbye and hadn’t left a forwarding address. She’d felt no need. Their goodbye was done and their time together had ended. He’d briefly flirted with the idea of trying to find her but what good would that do? So he could know exactly how happy she was?
I tried to pick the pieces up
And I can’t think of starting over
Carly sighs loudly. “Honestly, Jason. You could at least pretend you’re excited,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You’re getting married.”
“Carly,” Jason says. She ignores him and moves around to his back, looking at him over his shoulder in the mirror and straightening his tuxedo jacket. “Carly,” he says again. She meets his eyes in the mirror and frowns.
Had Jason always looked this sad?
“What?” she asks, shoving the thought to the deepest part of her mind.
“I don’t love her,” Jason says quietly. “You know that, don’t you?”
Carly shakes her head. “Jason, don’t be silly—”
“Carly. I don’t love her,” Jason says again. “I’m only marrying her because she’s pregnant.”
“That’s nonsense,” Carly murmurs. She steps in front of him to fasten his vest securely. “You dated her for nearly seven months. You have to feel something for her.”
“I care about her,” Jason admits. “But I’ll never love her.”
“You could learn to love her,” Carly says. She takes a step back and straightens lapels of his jacket.
“Carly, would you just stop being Sonny’s wife and Courtney’s sister-in-law and listen to me for a second?” he asks, not able to control the biting tone of his voice. Carly looks up at him, her eyes sad.
“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I don’t mean to dismiss your feelings like that.”
“I know,” Jason replies. “But will you listen to me when I tell you that I don’t love Courtney and I never will?”
We used to share the stars above
I don’t wanna think it changed
“Jason, you can’t shut yourself away from the world,” Carly tells him. “I know it’s been a tough year, but you never gave Courtney a chance to win you over.” She gives him a small smile. “I’m not blind, you know. Sometimes I’d just rather pretend I don’t see things.”
She sighs and steps away from him, crossing to the bedroom door of his penthouse. She opens it and peeks down the hall to ensure no one is there. When she’s satisfied, she closes the door and turns to him. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
Jason’s brow creases in a frown. “What?”
“Elizabeth Webber.” For once, the scathing and insulting tone is absent from Carly’s voice when she speaks of the other woman. “It’s her you’ve loved all along and nothing will ever change that.”
Jason stares at her for a few moments before nodding. “I will always love Elizabeth.”
For the first time in forever, Carly doesn’t launch into an explanation about why Elizabeth was never right for him and why he’s better off without her. Instead she sighs. “Then why did you ever let her get away?”
“She wanted to go,” Jason replies simply. “And now she’s gone and I have no idea where she went. She doesn’t need me, Carly.” He lifts his shoulders in a simple shrug. “And Courtney does.”
Carly sighs and looks away. She runs her finger along the mahogany dresser. “She lived here for only a month,” she says. “And I grew to respect her. Because I could see that she cared about you. The day I told her Sonny was dead, she was so worried about you, Jason. She couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t come home and why you never called. I knew. I knew why you were doing it. I didn’t agree but it wasn’t my place to judge you.”
She looks up and meets his eyes. “You couldn’t face her. And by the time you could, you’d convinced yourself you didn’t deserve her or her love. And you let her walk out. And you were surprised when she wouldn’t come back when you made half-ass attempts to get her back.”
She paused and studied him for a second. “Tell me, Jason, did you ever tell her that you were sorry for leaving her in this penthouse for days on end without word—without even a simple telephone call? Did you ever tell her how you felt?”
Jason shakes his head slowly. “No,” he tells her. “I never did.”
She nods, as if she expected his answer. “You have two choices, Jason.”
And now I gotta move on
I’ve gotta catch up to the world
“You can go downstairs and leave this building to go the church. You can wait down at the end of the aisle for Courtney. You can marry her and raise your child with her—a child, Jason, that I know you’ve wondered if it is even yours. You can do that and be miserable the rest of your life.”
She takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m even suggesting this. Sonny would disown me,” she mutters under her breath. “Or you can get out of the monkey suit and decide what it is you want from your life. Do you want to be Sonny’s errand-boy the rest of your life? Do you want to live a life where you come home to a woman you don’t love and never will?”
“Or do you want to go and find out if there’s hope for your own happiness after all?” Carly finishes with a heavy sigh.
Jason looks down at his tuxedo-clad body. “Why are you doing this, Carly?” he asks.
She steps forward and touches his face. “Jason—I know I’m not always very grateful for what you’ve done for me and I guess we could chalk that up me being selfish.” She chuckles. “And we both know I might be the most selfish woman alive.”
Jason just shakes his head. “Carly—”
“No,” she says, holding up her hand. “Let me finish. You took care of my son—loved him like he was your own—simply because I asked you to. I know how much that decision wrecked your life, but Jason, trust me, Robin wasn’t right for you. I don’t know—maybe she was once upon a time. But—” She sighs. “You did it anyway. You did everything in your power to make sure I always had Michael—even when I betrayed your trust and slept with Sonny. Jason—you have been the best friend a girl could ask for and what have I given you lately? A lot of grief. I know I pushed you into this decision. Sonny and I both did, and I apologize. I know I never let up on Elizabeth and I’m sorry for that as well.” She gives him a sheepish smile. “In all honesty, I was afraid she’d take you from me. That she would replace me in your life.”
“Carly—”
“I know. I know, it was stupid and I should have known better. And I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so very sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”
He takes a step towards her and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Carly, I don’t hold any of that against you. I did this to myself. It’s my fault. Elizabeth walked away because I made her feel like she didn’t matter. And she stayed away because I wasn’t the person she cared about anymore.”
Even though I gave you my life
As wrong as it seems I know it’s right
“I look at myself in the mirror, Carly and I don’t recognize myself,” Jason says quietly. “I’ve lost myself. I married Brenda and I slept with Courtney. Two things I never would have done if I’d been thinking about it at all. I let Elizabeth walk out of my life for good without once telling her how I feel.”
“And how do you feel?” Carly asks tentatively, hoping for once Jason will be honest and answer question.
He steps away from him and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn’t answer at first and Carly deflates, disappointed. He won’t tell her—and why should he? Since when has she actually been a friend to him? Why should he tell her how he feels the first time she acts like one?
She’s startled when he begins to speak but listens closely. “I love her,” Jason admits. “I love her more than anything in my entire life. She’s such a wonderful person, Carly. I wish you’d given her a chance. She’s so loyal—she never lets anyone tell her what to do or who to see. You remember how she protected me that Christmas I spent at her studio.” Jason chuckles to himself, remembering. “My little attack dog.”
Carly gives him a brief smile as he continues, “I was lost when we first became friends. Robin and Michael were gone. You and Sonny were at each other’s throats. I was living in world that was black. But Elizabeth—one night she was at Jake’s, trying to drown the pain of losing Lucky by finding something that hurt worse.” He looked up, his eyes swollen and red. “And she brought color to my life. She painted me a picture of what it felt like to ride my bike. She loved going on that thing—used to beg me to let her drive. When we’d go around the turns, she’d scream for me to go faster. I’ve never met anyone else who loves to ride as much as I do, but Elizabeth said it made her feel free.”
Carly’s eyes mist with tears as Jason pours his heart out to her. How has she managed to ignore what Elizabeth did for Jason? How much she means to him? Has she been that blind—that ignorant—that scared of losing her place in his life that she’d refused to see how happy he was around her?
“She’s so small,” Jason murmurs. “I feel like I’m ten times bigger than I am when I’m around her. Her hands fit into mine so neatly and her head fits right underneath my chin.”
He looks up at her and meets her eyes. “I love her so much, Carly, that it hurts to breathe knowing she’s in another town—living somewhere else and that she doesn’t know how much I care—how much I needed her.”
But is there a trace that I can go away
To escape the love that I will forever know
“You can’t marry Courtney,” Carly tells him. She shakes her head sadly. “I know she’s pregnant—but marriage isn’t the answer. You don’t love her Jason and you can’t sentence yourselves to a loveless marriage. You both deserve more.”
“She’s pregnant, Carly and Sonny—”
“Oh, fuck Sonny,” Carly retorts. “Are you Sonny’s errand boy or are you Jason Morgan? You can’t be both.”
“Carly—”
“Don’t get me wrong. I adore Sonny. He’s my life. But he’s been pushing this marriage since the second he found out Courtney was pregnant. And you and I both know she’s been seeing AJ once in a while. And as your best friend, I won’t allow you do this.”
Jason cracks a ghost of a smile. “You won’t allow me?” he repeats, a little amused.
“Look, Jase, you can be in this kid’s life without marrying Courtney,” Carly says. “If we’re really lucky, Jase, we get to find true love once in a lifetime. You never let me give up on Sonny. And as much as this pains me, I’m not letting you give up on Elizabeth.”
“We said goodbye,” Jason argues.
“Yeah? And you can say hello when you find her.”
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still
Jason shakes his head. “That’s not the way it is between the two of us,” he tells her. “When I first left town, she refused to say goodbye. She said it was too final. And we haven’t said goodbye ever since.” He takes a deep breath. “But when she came to give me the painting a few weeks ago—she said it. She said we had to do it because that’s the way it had to be.”
“Well, yeah—and at the time you were going to marry Courtney,” Carly says. “I’d say goodbye too. Marriage—is such a final blow to any relationship. I know that sounds really weird but you know what I mean. I’m sure Elizabeth felt that whatever the two of you shared or should have shared or whatever—that it was in the past and since you were getting married, it would have to stay in the past. So maybe she needed the closure.”
Jason looks away. “Maybe.”
“Jason. I know you like to let people live their own lives—and really—that’s a very admirable quality—but sometimes—people need to feel that they matter. That they’re worth fighting for.” Carly pauses. “Elizabeth fought so hard for you all the time. I know she made mistakes—but you have, too. Everyone does. It’s a part of life. Don’t you think that a love as strong as what you feel for her—don’t you think that’s worth fighting for?”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same?” Jason asks, a little nervously. “What if I throw this all away and she doesn’t love me?”
“And what if you don’t throw this all away and she does?” Carly asks. “You’ve never been worried about what ifs, don’t start now.”
Jason looks at her and frowns. “And how am I supposed to break the news to Sonny and Courtney?”
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Carly laughs. “You leave that to me, Jase. I think you’ve got some searching to do.”
Jason kisses her on the forehead. “Thanks, Carly. For being a friend.”
“Well—I figured you were due,” she replies. “After everything you’ve done for me, it’s about time I returned the favor.” She gives a little shove towards the closet. “Now, go change and do what it is you have to do to find Elizabeth. I’ll go take care of the Corinthos siblings.”
Carly steps out of the room and heads down the steps. She knows that she’s just encouraged Jason to run away on his wedding day and find the girl she never quite approved of.
She also knows that Jason deserves to be as happy as she is and as much as it pains her to say it—the happiest she’s ever seen Jason is around Elizabeth.
And if Elizabeth can invoke feelings like that in a man like Jason—
Well she couldn’t be all that bad, right?
Where can we go from here
Why, why do I cry inside
When love is gone away
Jason is halfway packed when Benny calls him back. He hadn’t expected it so soon and was a little surprised when Benny reeled off Elizabeth’s address so easily.
Apparently, Elizabeth had registered to vote a week before and there she was. Elizabeth Webber. 245 Cedar Drive, Apt 121. Tallahassee, Florida.
Jason tells Benny to book him a flight before he can change his mind. He’s sure that if he thinks about the decision he’s made long enough—he’ll get back into that tuxedo and marry Courtney.
It’s altogether possible, he realizes, that Elizabeth will slam the door in his face.
But it’s a possibility Jason needs to take. He needs to know that they’re completely over.
He needs to tell Elizabeth that he loves her so—just so she has all the facts before she tells him goodbye again.
Maybe once he does that—he could be okay with their goodbye.
And how, How can I carry on
When I know all the love is gone
Carly enters the church and spots Sonny in the hall outside the bridal chamber. He frowns seeing her there alone.
Sonny’s eyes narrow and he takes a step towards his wife. “Explain. Now.”
She shrugs. “Nothing to explain. Jason doesn’t love your sister. He loves Elizabeth and until he puts that chapter to rest for good, he’ll never move on.”
“He and Elizabeth put that to rest a long time ago,” Sonny replies. “He got my sister pregnant—he needs to marry her.”
“Sonny, this is not the 1950s and Jason does not answer to you in matters of the heart,” Carly retorts. “And as much as I hate it, Elizabeth and Jason will never be over. She makes him happy, Sonny. And I know you realize it.”
“Carly—” Sonny begins heatedly.
“Drop it,” Carly says, sharply. “Jason has sacrificed everything for you. Don’t ask him to give up the one person he loves more than anything else in the world. Don’t you dare ask him to turn his back on his heart.”
Sonny sighs and looks away. “He loves her that much?”
“He loves her almost as much as I love you,” Carly answers. She heads to the bridal door. “I need to tell Courtney.”
Where can I go to get away
From the pain of loving you
Courtney is standing in the middle of the room, wearing a poufy white dress and staring at herself in the mirror.
“Jason’s not coming,” Carly says bluntly.
Courtney turns, her blue eyes a little startled. “What? What do you mean he’s not coming?”
Carly walks forward until they’re separated by only a few feet of space. “He’s not marrying you. He’s left town to find someone.”
Courtney sighs and looks away. “He went after Elizabeth, didn’t he?”
Carly frowns. “How did you know that?” she asks.
Courtney gives her sister-in-law a nasty look. “Who else would Jason abandon me and our child for?”
“Oh, don’t give me that boo-hoo woe-is-me crap. I invented it,” Carly snaps. “You’re not even sure Jason’s the father.”
Courtney pales. “He’s probably the father,” she whispers faintly.
“Probably ain’t good enough,” Carly replies. “Don’t worry—Jason will always provide for his child. He just doesn’t have to marry the mother.” She heads to the door. “Sorry it has to be this way.”
“No you’re not,” Courtney calls after her.
Carly turns and cocks her head to the side. “No. You’re right. I’m not.”
She shuts the door quietly behind her and goes to think about that little realization for a while.
Tell me where
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still
When Elizabeth opens the door the next morning, she wonders if the early morning sun is playing tricks on her. Because she knows that Jason cannot possible be standing in front of her.
He doesn’t say anything, he just looks for her for a while and finally, just when she thinks she can’t handle the silence, he speaks. “I came to tell you something.”
She sighs and looks away. “Jason—we said everything that needed to be said before I left.” Elizabeth frowns suddenly. “Yesterday was your wedding day.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I couldn’t do it. I don’t love her.”
She nibbles on her lower lip as if trying to gage his answer and what it means in regards to her. “But she’s pregnant,” Elizabeth says finally.
“And I don’t have to marry her to be a part of the baby’s life,”Jason said. “Elizabeth—”
“Why are you making this so hard?” she whispers. “I thought we agreed that this was for the best.”
“No,” Jason tells her. “I never wanted to say goodbye. But you wanted to, so I did it. Because I’d do anything for you.”
“Jason—”
“Just let me say what I came here to say and if you—if you still don’t want anything to do with me—all right. I’ll have to accept that. But I refuse to let you go and not tell you.”
“All right,” Elizabeth says, almost sure that there’s nothing Jason can say to fix this—to make her change her mind.
He doesn’t speak at first—takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as if whatever he’s going to say is so mind-boggling and important that he needs to gather his strength. “I love you.”
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Her hand, still wrapped around the brass doorknob of her apartment door, tightens. She holds on to the door frame with the other hand so that he can’t see how much she is trembling.
Her lips parted and her tongue darted out to moisten her suddenly dry lips. “Jason—”
“I never should have said goodbye without telling you that,” Jason tells her. “I’ve spent far too much time letting you walk away and not telling you how I felt. I didn’t fight for us and I was wrong. I should have let you know how much I loved you and how much you mattered to me and how the rest of my world is different when you’re not there.”
Despite herself and her best judgment, Elizabeth’s eyes soften. “Jason, you can’t just walk in here, tell me you love me and expect to make it all better.”
“I know that,” Jason replies. “I can’t take a magic wand and pretend that the last nine or so months didn’t happen. I can’t go back to September and take back the things I did and I’m sorry. I wish I could. But I can’t change what’s happened.” He takes a deep breath. “But I can change the future. And I can tell you how much I love you and I can tell you how much you matter to me and the rest of my world is different without you.”
“What do you want from me?” Elizabeth asks, quietly. She knows she shouldn’t give in—they’ve said goodbye, a word that between them was supposed to be final—no going back.
And maybe they can’t. Maybe they can’t take that goodbye back. Maybe it was okay to have said it and meant it.
“I want a chance,” Jason tells her. “I’m not asking for anything more concrete than that—just a chance.”
Because sometimes you had to let things go in order to find out how much you really needed them in your life—and how much you were really needed in theirs.
You had to let things go so that they could come back to you.
“All right,” Elizabeth tells him. “Let’s try this again.” He steps forward, unable to contain his smile, but she holds a hand up. “But we have a lot of work to do before this is all okay, Jason. You hurt me. And I hurt you. And we can’t keep doing it over and over again.”
He holds out his hand and Elizabeth studies it. She walked away from it once and regretted it the rest of her life. A few weeks ago, she took it and went with him on a final ride so she could say goodbye.
She’s not sure what she’s agreeing to if she takes it. Going back to Port Charles, staying here? Going somewhere else?
Does it matter?
She slips her small hand in his and gives him a tremulous smile. Maybe—
The only thing I remember about writing this story is that it is the first and only story I ever posted at The Canvas to hit 50 replies. I immediately wrote a sequel, Where Do We Go From Here, and it got like 15. Ha. I also remember sitting in my living room writing this on my old laptop, but it’s really just a memory flash. Other than that, I got nothing.
Timeline
This is stet in June of 2003, but it’s kind of a murky timeline. Jason and Elizabeth have been broken up since October. It looks as if she either never dated Ric or has left him as well. Jason and Courtney are dating.
Banner
Time, sometimes the time just slips away
She stood outside the door, clutching the package wrapped in brown paper. She forced herself to knock, reminding herself that this was a good idea. That it was the right thing to do.
She was going to be calm. She was going to be nice. She was going to be mature about the situation.
The door swung open after a few minutes and he looked at her for a few minutes before saying anything. It’d been months literally since they’d laid eyes on one another. He’d made it his business to carefully avoid the places she frequented and she had actually quit her job, moved to a new apartment just to keep from seeing him.
“Hi,” she said softly. She looked down, away from his gaze.
“Hi,” he replied. He slid his hand down the edge of the door to the knob. “Elizabeth. It’s…it’s been a while.”
“Six months, two weeks and seven days,” Elizabeth told him softly.
“Oh,” Jason replied, a little uncomfortable with having it reeled off so easily. It was actually rather miraculous that they’d managed to live in the same town and go that long without even running into each other.
“I just—” Elizabeth shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I came to give you—” She looked up and met his gaze directly. “I came to give you a wedding present.”
And you’re left with yesterday
Left with the memories
There didn’t seem to be enough air in the entire world for Jason to breathe. He felt like someone had just suckered punched him. He should have known Elizabeth would find out—but for some foolish reason, he’d tried to avoid the idea.
“You didn’t—” Jason shook his head and swallowed hard. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to,” Elizabeth replied quietly. “We were—we were friends once, and I—friends do things like this for each other. I didn’t get the chance to—when you were married to Brenda—” Elizabeth stopped abruptly and took a deep breath. “I just—I wanted to thank you.”
Jason frowned. “Thank me?” He couldn’t think of one reason for Elizabeth to thank him. Hit him, yell at him—maybe—but thanking him—?
“You saved my life,” Elizabeth replied, simply. “A few times and I just—I wanted to make sure you knew that our friendship was very important to me.”
“It was important to me, too,” Jason told her, feeling the sharp stinging pain of referring to it in the past tense. “And you saved my life, too.”
I, I’ll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
Elizabeth blinked back the sudden tears that sprung to her eyes. She looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. “I just—be happy, okay?”
He nodded and tried to speak past the lump in his throat. “You, too,” he managed to say. “That’s—that’s all I ever wanted.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “I, um, was invited to the wedding,” Elizabeth said, looking back at him. “But I hope you understand why I can’t come.”
“I do,” Jason replied, wanting so very badly to tell her why he was marrying in the first place but finding himself unable to do it. There were too many people involved—too many people that would be hurt if Jason spoke the truth and he had new responsibilities now. He couldn’t let them down. “Elizabeth—”
“I’m so glad I was part of your life,” Elizabeth whispered. “And I’m so thankful you were in mine.” She held out the package.
Jason took it and as their hands held it together for a split second, she said it.
“Goodbye, Jason.”
She let go and it hung listlessly in his hands. He blinked back the sudden moisture in his own eyes. Goodbye.
She’d never spoken that word before. Not even when she’d walked out of the penthouse or walked away from him in the park.
Elizabeth waited a moment but when he didn’t say anything, she turned away and went to the elevator.
When he heard the ding of the elevator doors closing, he stepped back into the penthouse and stared at the package she’d given him.
All of the other gifts—Courtney had said they were supposed to wait until the wedding, but Jason didn’t want to. Didn’t care about traditions.
He ripped the package off, revealing the canvas underneath. His heart stopped, his stomach dropped.
She’d given him The Wind.
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
Elizabeth paused in her methodically packing and looked up at the door. No one came by anymore. Not since Lucky went to London, Nikolas and Gia went off to New York City so she could attend school, or Zander went to Arizona to visit Emily in rehab.
Not since Audrey had died of a sudden massive coronary.
She stood up, shoving a few boxes out of her way and pulled open the heavy door Jason had put in after the kidnapping. Her heart skipped a beat.
“Jason,” she breathed. “What—what are you doing here?”
Jason held up the painting and shook his head. “I can’t take this.”
She frowned and looked down. “Oh. I can understand why you don’t want it. I mean, it’s not that good—”
“No,” Jason cut in. “That’s not it. I do want it.”
“Well, then why can’t you take it?” Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms tightly. It was June but she still felt cold.
“B-because,” Jason stopped, tried to think of how to explain this. How could he tell her he couldn’t take this painting because he couldn’t say goodbye to her? “It’s not something I can take with me.” He met her eyes, recognized the misery he knew was reflected in his. “It’s one I have to come back to.”
Her lower lip trembled at the sound of the familiar words and she mustered the strength to tell him.
“That only works if I’m here,'” she told him quietly. “And I won’t be.” She looked down at the ground. “I’m moving, Jason. I’m leaving Port Charles.”
I won’t forget so don’t forget
The memories we made
He gripped the door frame and took a deep breath. “What—why?”
Elizabeth sighed. “Because I don’t have anything left here,” she said quietly. “My grandmother is dead. I have nothing left tying me here.”
He hated that she was right. He hated the fact that she’d suffered through Audrey’s death alone—her family not even coming for the funeral. He hated that he’d been unable to be there for her.
He’d stood in the back of the church on the day of viewing and watched Elizabeth sit alone in the front pew—the rows of the church filled with colleagues from the hospital and old friends. Some spoke, but no one came near Elizabeth.
He couldn’t understand why they’d profess to miss Audrey but deny Elizabeth comfort in her grief. He’d watched as the people filed out of the church and Elizabeth waited until everyone was gone before her small shoulders started to shake with tears.
He’d wanted to sit next to her and wrap his arms around her, but he didn’t. He didn’t know why he didn’t or what kept him from doing so, but he’d waited until her sobs had quieted before leaving.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just—”
“You what?” Elizabeth asked, tired of the word games they seemed to play these days.
“I can’t say goodbye.”
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
“Sure you can,” Elizabeth said, adopting a sarcastic tone. “You can say it, turn around and walk away.” Her gaze turned angry, her eyes burning a hole right through him. “It’s never stopped you before.”
He flinched, stung. He deserved that. He’d walked away from Elizabeth, left town three times. The third time—he could have called her on the lie that had spilled from her lips about wanting Lucky. But he’d been to stung by her rejection to think clearly and he’d let her walk away.
He’d let her walk away one too many times and now—now she was walking away again.
And he had a miserable feeling that he couldn’t stop her this time.
“I’m sorry,” Jason repeated. “I never should have let you walk out that night.”
“You’re about nine months too late,” Elizabeth remarked.
“I know.” He shifted. “I thought it needed to be said anyway.” He looked away, down the hall. “She’s pregnant.”
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
She blinked. Blinked again. “What?”
“Courtney,” Jason said. “She’s pregnant. That’s why we’re getting married.”
“Oh,” Elizabeth said softly. Courtney Matthews was pregnant with Jason’s baby. She would have his child—a little boy or girl that looked just like him.
Her eyes burned with tears as she stared over his shoulder. How many times had she fantasized about starting a family with Jason? Having his children? Being his wife?
Fantasies. Dreams. That’s all they ever were.
“I was going to break up with her,” Jason continued, bringing Elizabeth back to the present. “I’m not in love with her and I was—I was going to tell her so but—” Jason stopped and sighed.
“She told you she was pregnant,” Elizabeth finished, sadly. She sighed deeply. “Well, congratulations.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, it’s—” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Jason, it’s over.”
Please remember, please remember me
Goodbye, there’s just no sadder word to say
He shook his head, almost forcibly. “No. I don’t—I refuse to believe that.”
She sighed and studied him with sad, sympathetic eyes. He looked different. His hair was a little longer, there were circles under his eyes and he looked like he’d lost a little weight.
He looked miserable.
“It has to be,” Elizabeth said, softly. “You’re getting married. And you and me—we can’t be friends anymore.”
“Why?” Jason demanded. “Give me one good reason why.”
“Because we don’t remember how to do that,” Elizabeth insisted. “We haven’t been just friends in so long—there’s always going to be more between us and we can’t do that anymore.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, it wouldn’t be fair to Courtney,” Elizabeth said quietly. “And I’m through hurting other people.”
He sighed and looked away. She was right. No matter how much he wanted it—he and Elizabeth could never be just friends.
They had always been more than friends and it wasn’t fair to anyone else involved.
And it’s sad to walk away
With just the memories
“Just say it,” Elizabeth said softly. “Say it and go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
Jason shook his head. “No. I can’t—I let you walk away before and I—I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“It’s too late,” Elizabeth firmly. “I—we can’t go back. You can’t change it.”
“I know that,” Jason said, almost irritated. “But the future—”
“You’re getting married,” Elizabeth said. “You’re marrying Courtney. That’s the future. You’re starting a family and I’m moving out of town.”
“I know. But—”
“But nothing.” Elizabeth’s tone turned gentle. “Look, we—our chance—it’s gone now. Okay? I don’t like it, but it’s reality, Jason. You never used to do this. You never—”
“I never made so many mistakes like this,” Jason argued. “And now, it’s like I can’t stop doing it. One stupid thing after another.” He took a deep breath. “All right. I’ll say it. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it.”
“It is,” Elizabeth lied. “It’s what has to happen.”
Who’s to know what might have been
We’ll leave behind a life and time
I’ll never know again
“Come with me,” Jason said suddenly. He set the canvas down, just inside the door and stretched his hand out.
Elizabeth blinked back more tears at the sight of the familiar pose—she’d turned it down once before.
“Jason—”
“Just for a little while.” He didn’t let his hand fall to his side, kept it hanging in the air. “If we’re—if we’re going to say goodbye, let me do it right.”
Curiously, Elizabeth took his hand and let him lead her out of the apartment. He paused while she locked the door.
He led her down the stairs, out of the door and to the alley where she stopped suddenly.
It’d been more than two years since she’d been this close to his motorcycle. And it seemed fitting to end their friendship the same it had begun.
With a ride.
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
He handed her the helmet but she shook her head. “I don’t want to wear it,” Elizabeth told him. “I can’t feel the wind on my face with it on.”
Jason hesitated but nodded. “All right.” He put the helmet back on the side of the bike and got on. He put the key in the ignition and started it. Elizabeth straddled the seat and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly.
“If—” Jason stopped and took a deep breath. He forced himself to finish the first words he’d ever said to her before a ride. “If you don’t like something, just yell.”
Elizabeth didn’t bother to blink the tears back this time. He couldn’t see them anywhere. The tears slid down her face and she leaned her face on his back, turned it sideways, letting her cheek rest on his t-shirt.
Jason pulled away from the alley, trying to ignore the warm tears seeping through the shirt.
And remember, Please remember me
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Her tears only lasted for a few minutes. As if recognizing her misery, he took up the cliff roads first. He went fast—just like she liked it and took the turns even faster. He drove the roads twice—he contemplating just riding out of Port Charles altogether.
The idea was tempting—just taking Elizabeth and running away from everything. He knew if he removed the other people in their lives, they would have made it.
But he knew that idea wouldn’t work. She was right. No matter how much he didn’t want it to be true—
The day he’d never wanted to come was here.
It was time to say goodbye.
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
He pulled the bike to a stop at familiar place. The statues where they’d tried it before. She said they couldn’t see each other and asked him to take her home.
Elizabeth got off the bike and crossed her arms. She walked over to the statue of the girl and studied her.
Jason silently turned off the bike and swung her leg over the side. He stood a few feet behind Elizabeth.
“She’s not smiling,” she murmured. She turned around and looked at him. “I never came back up here, you know.”
“Why not?” Jason asked. “You seemed to like it before.”
“It didn’t seem right,” Elizabeth replied. “I didn’t want to come alone and I didn’t want to bring anyone else.”
Then remember, please remember me
“I should have brought you back up here once I came back last year,” Jason said. “I should have done a lot a things differently.”
“It’s not your fault,” Elizabeth remarked. “I’m not completely blameless. I made mistakes—I hurt you, I know that.” She sighed and looked back to the statue. “I just wish—”
When she didn’t continue, he took a step towards her. “What?”
Her eyes were glittering with tears. “I wish we weren’t a regret. I wish we could have had a real chance.”
His eyes softened and he touched her face, cupped her cheek. She leaned into his touch, much the way she had that night in the penthouse.”
And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how a dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
Her warm tears splashed his hand and he took another step towards. “So do I,” Jason said softly. “I wish I had tried.”
He leaned down and brushed her lips gently. Elizabeth sighed, her mouth opening up to him. The kiss was both passionate and gentle. It was bittersweet, since it would more than likely be their last.
He changed the angle of the kiss, his other hand coming up to thread through her hair. Her hands clutched at his back, fisted in his maroon t-shirt.
He didn’t want to stop kissing her. Didn’t want to break contact. Because then he’d have to take her home and say goodbye.
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
Finally, he raised his head and stepped away. Elizabeth let go and touched his face. When her thumb caressed his cheek, he realized that a few tears had escaped his eyes.
“I think we’d better go,” she whispered.
He nodded wordlessly.
He let her drive back to her apartment.
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me
She stepped in front of her apartment door and opened it. She leaned in and pulled The Wind. “I really want you to have this,” Elizabeth said, holding it out to him.
He took it this time. “All right.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Goodbye, Jason.”
He leaned in and kissed her forehead before taking a large step back. His eyes locked on hers.
“Goodbye, Elizabeth.”
He waited a moment and walked down the hall. When Elizabeth heard his footsteps fade, she sagged against the doorjamb and started to cry.
Inspiration
I spent the majority of Fall and early Winter 2002 reuniting Jason and Elizabeth. It’s not surprise I barely remember writing most of them, LOL. I will say I was easily inspired by songs and this is one of my favorite all-time Celine Songs.
Timeline
This is set in late January of 2003. At this point, Jason and Brenda’s murder trial had concluded and his relationship with Courtney was public. Elizabeth had begun seeing Ric. Looking at this story now, I think maybe I wrote it before the murder trial got underway because this has Jason not being on trial at all and he was, LOL. Anyway, it’s set around the anniversary of Ruby Anderson’s death. Ruby had managed Kelly’s from the 1980s until her death in January 1999. She hired Elizabeth.
Banner
There’s so much life I’ve left to live
And this fire is burning still
She sat by herself after closing one night shortly before the end of January. The snow was falling softly outside and the diner was silent save for the small sounds of her tears.
The Alcazar murder trial had ended earlier that month—Brenda Barrett had been found guilty of second-degree murder. On her way to Pentonville, the prison van was stopped and she managed to escape. It was rumored that her husband had spirited her out of the country, but Jason Morgan had made a big show of going out to dinner with Sonny Corinthos that night with his wife Carly and sister Courtney.
Jasper Jacks, however, disappeared around the same time as Brenda. They’d put all points bulletins out on both, but with Brenda’s connections and Jax’s fortune, it was doubtful that they would be found unless they wanted to be.
Life had gone on as normally as it ever would in Port Charles. Skye Quartermaine filed for divorce, citing abandonment. Jason obtained his annulment and his relationship with Courtney Quartermaine became more public, only fueling the misery and bitterness of her estranged husband, AJ.
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
Sonny and Carly seemed to be stronger than ever and seemed content to ignore their lawyer’s strange behavior. Elizabeth didn’t care if Ric Lansing sometimes had strange dreams about explosions or muttered strange names in his sleep. He made her laugh.
And there were few people in her world that made her laugh these days. She’d stay with anyone as long as they didn’t make her cry.
Anyway, besides the occasional date with Ric, Elizabeth was pretty much on her own. Nikolas and Gia were busy arguing over law school and the wedding, Zander was always working and Lucky was busy with his father and Laura Spencer’s look-alike, Summer.
The reason she was sitting alone in Kelly’s that evening had nothing to do with any of that. It was the three-year mark. Ruby Anderson, the woman who had seen fit to hire Elizabeth over five years ago and keep her on—despite Elizabeth’s incompetence as a waitress—she’d died three years ago today.
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
Elizabeth and Ruby hadn’t always gotten along during the two and half years they’d worked together, but they’d gained a healthy respect for one another. After her rape, Ruby had afforded her all the time off she needed with no questions asked. She’d thought the younger woman was a wonderful influence on her nephew, Lucky.
And sometimes Elizabeth missed her. They could call it Ruby’s Chili all they wanted, but it wasn’t the same and people could tell. Kelly’s wasn’t the same without the fiery proprietor. Tammy had been a good friend and Elizabeth had enjoyed working for her and of course, Bobbie was always great to be around. But they weren’t Ruby.
And tonight, for some reason, when Bobbie had reminded them of the day, it had saddened Elizabeth. So, here she sat, nearly an hour after Kelly’s had closed—and she was crying.
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I’m in love with you
He’d tried to be a little unhappy when Courtney had told him her decision that evening, but he was pretty sure the feeling was more of relief than disappointment.
“I really—I really care about you Jason—but I love AJ. And I—I can’t just turn that off because I want to. I owe it to myself to give him one last chance.”
Jason had told her he understood, wished her happiness and he’d left the loft he rented for the last time. She was moving out the next day anyway. Although she’d given up her and AJ’s old apartment, she and AJ were going to move into a larger and nice apartment in a better part of town.
It’d been nice while it lasted – it’d been nice to be around someone and know that nothing was at stake, that he wasn’t risking anything to be with them. No one had really known about their relationship outside a small circle of people and he preferred it that way.
‘Cause I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
He regretted that Elizabeth was one of those people—he was never quite sure how she’d known for sure. The guilt had been so immense on both their parts that he and Courtney had made efforts to keep it especially hidden from her. At least, he had. Sometimes he wasn’t so sure about Courtney.
If Jason really wanted to be honest with himself, he’d admit that Courtney’s love for AJ wasn’t the only reason his relationship with her had failed. It’d been his feelings for Elizabeth that ultimately held him back.
Everything between the two of them was messy—the breakup had been messy, the subsequent meetings afterward had been full of misunderstandings. They’d pulled away from each other. They had both been running scared.
He missed his best friend. He missed the way she’d laugh, the way her eyes would sparkle after a night ride on the cliff roads, the way she bit her lower lip, the way she babbled—
He missed everything about Elizabeth Webber.
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
He stood outside in the courtyard as the snow fell around him. He watched through the window as she sat, curled up in a chair, her face tear stained. He wondered what had made her cry—was it a fight with her grandmother? No, Jason knew that couldn’t be it. Audrey Hardy had left shortly after Christmas for a six month vacation in Hawaii. Elizabeth, Sarah and an older brother Jason had never met had chipped to send their grandmother to paradise.
Elizabeth hadn’t told him that—Jason had heard it from Courtney who thought it was the sweetest thing over.
Was it Lucky or Luke Spencer? Jason knew Elizabeth had renewed her friendship with the Spencer family, but he hadn’t seen either around town lately. He didn’t think they’d be the reason she cried.
His fists clenched involuntarily and he wondered if it was his lawyer, Ric, who had made her cry. There’d be no where that man could hide if he’d hurt Elizabeth, Jason decided. He hadn’t liked Ric Lansing the second he’d laid eyes on him and liked him even less the first time he’d seen Elizabeth and Ric together.
Instead of standing out here like a fool, wondering what had made her cry—he could go in and find out.
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
She heard the door swing open before she saw it. She looked up and frowned a little when she saw Jason standing hesitantly in the door way.
Normally, she’d be on her feet, keeping her face from view as she hid her tears. She’d be asking why he was here, so late after closing.
But tonight, she stared at him and made no attempts to hide the tears. He was probably there to pick up the sweater Courtney had left there that day.
He walked inside, letting the door shut behind him. In two strides, he was in front of her. He crouched down to meet her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, cursing himself for asking such a stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay.
She thought about giving him the normal answer. Yes, of course I’m fine. I just got something in my eyes. He wouldn’t know she was lying—he never did anymore.
Instead, she slowly shook her head. “No,” she answered. “In all honesty, I haven’t been okay for a long time.”
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, rocking back on his heels.
Then and only then did she wipe away her tears. Using the back of her head, she swiped at them and sighed. “Bobbie reminded me that today was the anniversary of Ruby’s death. Ruby used to own—”
“I know,” Jason cut in swiftly. “I remember.” He paused. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too,” Elizabeth said quietly. She looked past him, towards the silent jukebox. “Sometimes days and weeks go by and I don’t even think of her, you know? But I’ll hear something she used to say or Courtney—” Elizabeth hesitated but only for a minute. “Courtney will remind me so much of how I used to be when I first started—and I try to remember how much patience Ruby had with me. I was such a horrible waitress back then. I must have dropped every other dish for at least a month. She nearly fired me a dozen times.”
“Why didn’t she?” Jason asked, almost relishing this conversation that felt so much like the old days. She would be upset, he’d find a way to get her to open up and she’d feel better.
Things used to be so simple.
I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you
“I have no idea,” Elizabeth admitted. “I think Lucky stuck up for me a lot since—” her cheeks flushed. “I was usually watching him when I broke the dishes,” she admitted.
Jason chuckled, thinking of the much younger Elizabeth and the massive crush she’d admitted she’d had on Lucky when she’d first moved here. “Sounds like something Lucky would have done.”
She sighed and stared at her hands. “I miss her sometimes. We were never all that close, but—she gave me my first real shot. She was the first person that believed in me, even if it was just because Lucky convinced her to.”
“She did make a mean bowl of chili,” Jason replied.
Elizabeth laughed then, the first time she’d laughed with him since—
It probably wasn’t a good sign that he couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed.
You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
It struck her then—that they were doing something they hadn’t done almost since he’d returned last summer. They were sitting in Kelly’s and talking—being honest with each other.
Not holding anything back.
She’d forgotten how much she’d missed that.
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said softly. “I feel better now that I’ve talked to you.” She met his eyes. “Just like I used to.”
The air had changed around them—the mood had shifted and they both knew it. They were no longer talking about Ruby Anderson and how much Elizabeth missed her.
They were talking about their friendship and how far off track it had gone.
Right now, there’s no better time
From this fear I will break free
“Do you ever get tired of running?” Jason asked quietly. He shifted from his crouching position and sat in a chair next to hers.
Elizabeth sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “I think I must have run twenty marathons,” she murmured. “I’m so tired, Jason. I’ve been running so long that I don’t even remember why I started or what I’m running from.”
“The day I left the penthouse—the day Sonny faked his death,” Jason said, struggling to get the words out. Struggling to tell her the truth—the truth he’d kept to himself. “I started running then and I haven’t even stopped to breathe.”
She smiled at him—a sad smile full of nostalgia and wistfulness. “Sometimes Jason—I think we’re more alike we give ourselves credit for.”
And I’ll live again with love
And no they can’t take that away from me
And they will see—
He stood then and she raised her head to look at him. Probably going home to Courtney, she thought bitterly. Always a blonde. Just once—could someone leave me for a redhead?
Instead, he held out his hand. “Come on.”
Elizabeth dropped her feet to the ground. Even as she asked, “Where are we going?” she was putting her and in his and letting him pull her to her feet.
Jason gave her a tiny half-smile then and shrugged. “Nowhere.”
Involuntarily, the tears she’d just hidden sprang to the surface and her vision blurred a little. “I could go for that,” she said softly.
I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
They rode for nearly two hours—he took her up and down the cliff roads, down the street that inspired her painting of The Wind. He went fast, took the turns even faster and they both ignored the biting cold.
She screamed on the turns—so much he thought she’d lose her voice. She laughed, throwing her head back, her hair flying all around her. Neither of them wore helmets—he never did and she’d convinced him to let her go without one—just this one time.
He finally headed in one destination—the old stone bridge out of town. The bike coasted to a stop and he turned off the engine. She didn’t let go of him right away—relished the feeling of being this close to him for the first time in months.
But finally, she sat up, unwound her arms from his waist and stood up. “I’ve really missed that,” Elizabeth admitted. She wondered if Courtney had been on the bike—if she loved it as much as Elizabeth did.
If Jason preferred Courtney on the bike.
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
“I’ve missed it too,” Jason confessed. She looked down at him and with a heavy sigh, he got off the bike. “It’s been almost two years.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been home since May and this is the first chance we’ve had to go,” Elizabeth replied, putting her hands in the pockets of her black winter jacket.
“I asked you and you didn’t want to go,” Jason reminded her. For once, he didn’t feel the bitterness that accompanied the feeling. She hadn’t wanted to go because of Zander. And he didn’t feel anything about that anymore. He was just lightly teasing her.
“Well, I asked you, too,” Elizabeth replied, giving him a small smile. “Remember?” She shrugged and started walking towards the bridge. “But you said it was too dangerous.”
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
“It was,” Jason insisted. She faltered in her steps and turned around, her face pale.
“Let me get this straight,” she said softly. “It’s too dangerous for you to be with me—but it’s all right for Courtney?”
And there it was. The name. The name of the woman they’d both been avoiding talking about.
“You told me over and over and over again,” Elizabeth continued, her eyes glowing with anger and frustration. “It was too dangerous. It was never going to be over. You drummed it in my head so many times I got sick of hearing the words.”
“Elizabeth—” Jason tried to cut in. To explain that he was talking about another type of danger all together. It wasn’t dangerous with Courtney. Nothing was at stake.
But she was on a roll—saying words she’d only been feeling for the past few months. “But then again, it really shouldn’t surprise me. You were willing to do anything for her. You guarded her personally—spent every waking moment with her while leaving me alone in a penthouse with a guard. You never talked to me, you’d come and go and I’d never even know you were there!” Her eyes filled with tears and try as though she might, she couldn’t hold them back. They spilled over her lashes and streamed down her cheeks. “You’d think I’d get the hint. But I’ve never been that good as seeing things right in front of my face.”
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. He stood there, frozen to the ground. How could she think that—that what he felt for Courtney in any way measured up to his feelings for Elizabeth?
She walked towards him and then passed him. “I want to go home.”
He turned around, reached out and grabbed her arm. “Elizabeth—”
“Take me home,” she repeated. “I don’t—I can’t do this anymore.” She struggled to pull her arm out of his firm grasp.
“I’m not taking you anywhere until you listen to me,” Jason said firmly. He shook his head. “We’re doing it again.”
Elizabeth stopped moving and stared up at him. “What?”
“I’m tired of running,” he said simply. “And I’m tired of watching you walk away.”
Every night’s getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
He let go of her arm and she took a step back. “It was too dangerous to be with you,” Jason said.
“Damn it—” Elizabeth began. Jason surprised her by pressing two fingers against her lips.
“Will you just let me explain?” he asked quietly. She nodded wordlessly and he let his hand fall back to his side. He took a deep breath and met her eyes, determined not to break the eye contact first.
“I know I let you believe I was talking about my job,” Jason said. “And part of me still thinks that’s true. But you know me. You know I would never make that decision for you.”
“Then what?” she asked softly.
“I was talking about me,” Jason answered. “It was too dangerous for me to be with you.”
I’ll swallow my pride and I’ll be alive
Can’t you hear my call
I surrender all
Elizabeth’s brow furrowed in confusion and she took a step back. “What?” she asked, startled. Too dangerous for him? What did that mean?
“I don’t—I don’t trust people easily,” Jason told her. “I don’t open up and I think you know that. But with you—it was almost too easy. I’ve talked about Michael with you. Talked about losing him and how it felt to be his father. I’ve never said that to anyone.” He took a deep breath. “And because I opened up to you so soon, so easily—so much—it was easier for you to hurt me.”
And boy, had she. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. First with Lucky, then with Zander and then leaving him.
“I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty,” Jason hurried to assure her. “I’m just stating a fact.”
She forced down her guilt and opened her eyes. “I know,” Elizabeth said softly.
“After Zander—I didn’t—” He licked his lips nervously and tried to continue. Told himself that he needed to be honest with her. “I didn’t want to let you do that again. Have that power anymore.”
I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
“I tried to push you away,” Jason said. “I did everything I could. I was mean to you; I purposely walked away all those times. I told you I couldn’t be friends with you anymore. But you—you—” He smiled a little, despite himself. “You didn’t seem to cooperate.”
Without thinking, he touched her face. “You never did want to give up when I wanted to.”
“I told you,” Elizabeth said, her voice a little shaky. “You can’t just drop out of my life. I’d miss you too much.”
“So—I gave in,” Jason continued. “I promised you that I would try. That I’d respect you, listen to you and be honest with you. I don’t like to make promises unless I know I can keep them. And I really—I really thought I could do it.” He stopped took a deep breath. He wanted to look away, but forced himself to continue the eye contact. “But I didn’t. I lied to you.”
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
“Jason—” Elizabeth tried to cut in, but he shook his head.
“I’m not finished,” he replied. “I lied. And I knew I was doing it. So I did what I could to avoid you. I couldn’t lie to your face and I couldn’t—I couldn’t tell you the truth. No matter how much I wanted to—I couldn’t.”
“That’s why you never came home?” Elizabeth asked. “It wasn’t because—”
“No, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see you. I would sit at the safe house with Sonny or Brenda and I’d think about you. I’d wonder if you were playing pool or drawing—thinking of you—knowing you were safe—it helped me get through it.”
“And I just left,” Elizabeth said, the self-loathing evident in her voice. “I am so sorry—”
“I don’t blame you for doing it,” Jason cut in. “I didn’t try to stop you. I let you walk away. I did it because I thought if I gave you some space—if I let you try and calm down, I thought maybe you’d be able to—” He shook his head. “I don’t know how I really justified it to myself, but I did. And I never told you how much I missed you.”
We’ll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
“And then everything went crazy,” Jason said after a few moments of silence. “The thing with Courtney’s stalker—it gave me something to think about so I wouldn’t have to think about you. And I didn’t think you’d come back to me, anyway. I thought you were—moving on. You were friends with Lucky again. You’d left town to help him.”
“And you married Brenda,” Elizabeth said. “I know why you did it. And I even understand it a little. She was sick, and needed someone to take care of her.”
“Right,” Jason answered. “And I thought I didn’t have any other reason.” He took a deep breath. “I came to you to tell you that the marriage was going to be over, because we’d found out she wasn’t sick and she didn’t need me any more.”
“And I shot you down,” Elizabeth said, sighing ruefully. “I don’t—”
“That was my fault,” Jason cut in. “You asked me if it was because I wanted another chance. It was blunt, straight-forward and to the point.” He clenched his fists. “And it scared the crap out of me. Because I did. But I backtracked—I ran. And you did, too. I don’t blame you, Elizabeth. We both did it. We’ve both been running.”
I’ll make you give them all to me
I’ll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
Elizabeth bit her lip and looked away. “What about Courtney?” she asked finally. “Why was it too dangerous for you and me, but not with her?”
“Because I never let her in,” Jason said, firmly. “She didn’t know me, Elizabeth. She didn’t understand me. She tried—and when she did a little, she didn’t want to be with me.” He took a deep breath. “She told me she was going back to AJ tonight and that’s fine with me.”
“But you did care about her,” Elizabeth said.
“Yes,” Jason admitted. “But it wasn’t enough. Because no matter how much I cared about her, I didn’t love her.” He stopped. No more running, he told himself again. Lay out all the cards. “I love you.”
Elizabeth stopped breathing. “W-what?” she asked, even though she’d heard him loud and clear the first time.
“I love you. Courtney and I never would have worked because despite everything—” Jason shrugged a little. Every time he said the words, they became a little easier. “I’m still in love with you.”
I’ll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you
After a few moments of nearly unbearable silence in which Jason forced himself not to look away from her, she exhaled slowly. “Yeah—I know what you mean.” She smiled. “Because no matter how much Ric makes me laugh or how nice he is to me—he’s not you.” She touched his face; let her fingers trail over his lips. “Because despite everything, I’m still in love with you, too.”
He stepped closer to her; she tilted her face up to keep their eyes on each other. Not once since Jason had started speaking had they looked away. It was a new beginning for the both of them.
He bent down and brushed his lips over hers. When he pulled away, Elizabeth gripped the sides of his jacket to keep him close and she kissed him again.
Right now
I give my life to live again
I’ll break free, take me
They stood there for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, the snow falling down around them.
Somehow, despite everything—they’d found their way back.
Inspiration
I honestly can’t remember if I wrote this before or after we saw the January 2003 confrontation in Kelly’s. I feel like I wrote this first an episode tag to that day’s show, and then I wrote Do You Ever Think of Me as a rewrite. Either way, I was inspired to give my own version of how Elizabeth’s reaction would go, using this Ben Lee song that I adore to this day.
Timeline
This story is set in January of 2003 and written at that time. Jason and Elizabeth had broken up in October of 2002, sharing very few scenes after that point. Jason and Courtney started dating in December, and he arranged for a loft where they could see each other privately while Elizabeth tentatively started seeing Ric Lansing. When Elizabeth learned that AJ (Courtney’s estranged husband) had hired a PI to follow her, Elizabeth was worried and followed Courtney to warn her. Instead, she saw Jason meeting Courtney there. This story is set directly after that.
Banner
I should let this go but I just can’t
And now it’s just a lesson I can’t grasp
She walks into Kelly’s, her head still held high. She finishes her shift somehow and manages to forget where she’s been today.
It’s only after she goes to home her empty studio that she even lets it register.
Her first instinct is to cry. She sits on her couch and cries for a good solid hour. She cries thinking of the times they’d spent in this studio—safe and hidden from the world. Just the two of them in their little fantasy world.
So what’s really the best that I could do
To hope to see you every year or two
Her second instinct is to rage. She breaks blank canvases over her knees and throws empty glasses against the wall, the sound of them shattering making her bruised feelings feel only mildly better.
She crumples to the floor after all the anger has been drained from her small body. She sits against the door he gave her and holds the remaining pieces of a beautiful deep fire red piece of glass. She once threw it against the wall, shattering into thousands of tiny little pieces.
She’d then spent the next three hours picking up every single solitary piece. She saved them all and now she stares down at them.
And the things you said
Do they still make sense
Her third instinct is silence. She doesn’t speak and she doesn’t move. She sits against her door and stares out the window.
She remembers what it was like to come into the studio and see him standing at the window peering out at everything and nothing. She remembers what it was like to stand next to him.
She watches the day pass into dusk into night into dawn. She doesn’t move—her body is paralyzed.
Could you mean them now
Did you even mean them then
She briefly entertains the thought that all the long nights she spent in the penthouse alone, he was with her. Like that.
The thought doesn’t last long. No matter what she thinks of Jason, she has to believe that his relationship with his brother’s wife and best friend’s sister didn’t begin until she left.
Because if she thinks for one second that it’s any different…
She’d never be able to look at herself in the mirror.
I could torture myself insane and tense
But I don’t have the strength
Her fourth instinct is acceptance. She comes to that just as the new day begins. She can’t be upset. She can’t be angry.
She can’t cry betrayal.
She left him. She told the other woman it was okay. She never gave him the chance to work it out. He came to her twice and she stopped him cold.
And if he is really…truly happy…
Then she can be okay with this.
I’m crushed in pain you drifted through my life
But even looking back I know it’s right
Her fifth instinct is to stand. She stands and stretches. Sitting in one spot for so many hours is something she isn’t going to do again.
She takes a shower and dresses in fresh clothing. She throws her hair up in a messy pony tail and doesn’t bother with make-up.
Today is a new day. It’s not a better day than yesterday or the one before it.
It won’t be any better than tomorrow—but it’s still a new day.
I gave you my heart scared complete and whole
When all you ever asked for was my soul
Her sixth instinct is to leave. She pulls on a coat and goes to work. This time she’ll stay out of other people’s business. Even if they lie to her and do suspicious things—
She’ll never follow someone else again unless she’s completely prepared for what might happen.
She never…ever wants to be blindsided again. She’s sick of it and refuses to let it happen again.
And there’s nothing left
But a song or two
When she sees him in the courtyard, standing outside Kelly’s, the first thing she wants to do is to run.
She doesn’t give in. She walks towards him, touches his arm to get his attention. He frowns and turns towards her. She hasn’t initiated contact between them for a long time.
“I just need to say a few things,” she says softly. He stares at her for a second and then nods.
That mean not a thing
If I can’t play them for you
“I’m sorry,” she begins. “I’m sorry I walked away from you so many times. I’ve made mistakes but the ones I’ve made with you will haunt me for the rest of my life.”
He lets out slow breath, rubs the back of his neck. “Elizabeth—”
“Please—” she says, holding up a hand. “Just let me finish.”
She closes her eyes for a moment and then opens them again. “You listened when no one else could hear me and I really think you saved my life all those years ago. I don’t know what would have happened if you didn’t stop that guy that night at Jake’s.” She stops and looks down at the ground. “You were always there for me. You never flinched and you never turned me away, even when I asked you to…even when I did things that hurt you.”
If I could hear your voice just one more time
Maybe I’d be fine
She looks up and meets his unwavering gaze. “I am so sorry I was never that kind of friend to you.”
She takes a step back from him, clutches at the strap of her purse. “I just needed to tell you all that before I tell you this last thing. I hope, Jason, that you find happiness. I really, truly hope you do. Because the only thing I’ve ever wanted for you…was for you to be happy.”
He looks at her for a moment and swallows hard. “That’s all I ever wanted for you, Elizabeth. And…I’m sorry, too.”
But I guess I won’t
Cause it’s too late now
She blinks and tilts her head to the side. “For what?” she asks.
“For not trying,” he replies. “For letting you walk away. For leaving you by yourself at that time. For not telling you about Sonny. For pushing you away. There’s a lot to apologize for.”
She sighs and looks away. “Can I just ask one question? I just…I need to ask it for my own sanity.”
And I guess you’re gone
Cause it’s too late now
He nods and she looks at the ground. “When you weren’t at the penthouse…you weren’t with Courtney were you?”
She can hear the sharp intake of break and she looks up instantly, horrified that she might actually be right.
“I know…there’s something between you,” she says, softly, the tears burning her eyes. “She was in yesterday and I told her about AJ hiring the investigator. See, I overheard him and the guy said Courtney hadn’t been at home. I asked her…and she said that she’d been at Mike’s. And then she asked me to cover for her so she could check on him.” She stops and takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. “But Mike called. He hadn’t seen her in days. So when Courtney left…I…” Her cheeks flush and her eyes dart to the side. “I followed her.”
“Elizabeth—”
“So, I just need to know,” she cuts in, looking up at him again. “That whatever it is going on…it didn’t start before I left, did it? I mean…you meant the things you said that night, right?” She licked her lips nervously.
And the pain I feel
Is all I can take
He exhaled slowly. “It didn’t start until last month, I swear. Elizabeth, I could never do that to you. I was guarding Brenda at the safe house the nights I didn’t come home. Nothing happened between me and Courtney.” He takes and deep breath. He tilts her chin up so he could look her fully in the eyes. “And I meant what I said that night.”
Her eyes soften. She believes him.
As if realizing a second too late how close he is to her, he lets go of her chin and steps back. She blinks back the tears again and looks away.
Maybe this turn of karma
Is too late
“Just be happy,” she whispers. She turns away and goes inside the diner, hurrying behind the counter.
Her blonde co-worker gives her a weak smile as she ties the green apron around her waist.
And for the first time, she recognizes the guilt swimming in the other woman’s eyes.
And it almost chokes her.
Maybe I was wrong
Maybe I was caught in a net of passion
The shift crawls by and she finds her thoughts drifting to the courtyard time and time again.
It’s still there—the connection. She can feel it and she knows he felt it, too. It was in the way he spoke, the way his eyes looked at her, the he touched her skin.
She could feel that his feelings hadn’t changed or gone away. And neither has hers.
But it didn’t matter anymore.
Maybe I was caught
Maybe I should take it all with salt
Whether or not he felt the same, he’d moved on. He was married—and dating someone else. Anyway she looked at it—
Their chance had passed.
They’d never had a chance, to be honest.
And that in itself spoke volumes.
And soon I’ll believe that it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault
She was the reason they never had a chance. She’d pulled away, walked away and pushed him away for so long…
And now he’d gone away on his accord. He’d found someone who gave him her love freely and without terms, without conditions. She didn’t hold back, she didn’t run away.
Things she couldn’t give him. Things she’d never be able to give him.
And it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault
She pulls her coat on after her shift. She walks through the snow once again to her empty studio.
Its only inhabitants besides herself the memories of a friendship that had once upon time…meant the world to her.
And if she was honest with herself, it still did.
And it’s not my fault
And it’s not my fault
She opens the door and frowns, seeing the single white sheet of paper laying on the ground. She kneels and picks it up.
I still mean them.
She smiles then…a real genuine smile.
Maybe it still meant something to him, too.
And it’s not my fault
If I say it enough
I’ll believe that it’s not my fault
So looking back at this story, I can’t quite remember why I was so angry at Jason when it was Elizabeth who kind of got the ball rolling on the paternity mess. I don’t know, I have a blind spot, I think. So I can’t tell you why I came up with this particular story other than I thought it was a way to make Sam a villain out making her evil.
I also knew that GH was going to screw up the Liason baby storyline. Of course, I didn’t know he was going to kill our baby, but hell, I should have seen that coming. I still believe Helena kidnapped him because he was thought to be Lucky’s son. You’ll never convince me otherwise. Anyway. So that’s my half-hearted attempt to explain the level of angst here.
Timeline
This story begins in the fall of 2007, but it picks up in the winter–so that nothing after the hostage situation happened as it did on the show.
Daughters began without much thought to the rest of the story. I just started writing the original opening scene (which has been slightly edited in this final version) in which Elizabeth and Patrick were siblings. I love the chemistry between Jason Thompson and Rebecca Herbst, and while the show has developed them as good friends, I wish they had more screen time.
It wasn’t until I reached the end of the first chapter that I even decided to bring in theme of fathers and daughters, and was able to title the story.
Timeline
Daughters is alternate universe with some use of the GH canon, which means portions of the GH world is in here. Jason’s accident, Sonny in the mob, Luke and Laura’s history with the Cassadines. However, relationships and other aspects diverge. Patrick and Elizabeth are twins who grew up in Port Charles along with Lucky, Robin, and Jason Quartermaine. Emily is still adopted. The story is relatively straightforward.
