March 31, 2018

Timeline

This is a rewrite of the General Hospital episode that aired for their 55th anniversary in 2018, so it’s set after Jason’s return.

Inspiration

I was really disappointed in the GH anniversary episode. The flashbacks were nice, but they didn’t feel all that connected to what was happening on the screen. It felt like random people put in the room. Also, Elizabeth didn’t get nearly the kind of prominence a character like her deserves. So I rewrote the episode, and yeah, it’s heavy on Elizabeth and Jason. That’s who I am as a writer, and it’s also where I think they should be. They’re two hugely popular legacy characters with a deep history and connections to basically everyone on the show. They’ve also barely shared any screen time in the six months Steve has been back. Also. I’ve killed off Audrey. Rachel Ames retired; they ought to let Grams go in peace.

So this doesn’t use all the vets the show did, but I still tried to do the same stories. Writing Mike’s scenes was hard. My grandmother is dealing with dementia, so I wrote his conversations to mirror the way my grandmother slips in and out. And the regret and worry I feel for me and family. I hope you like this.

Update: I wrote and published this on March 31, 2018. On April 21, 2018, my grandmother passed away in her sleep after a short battle with dementia. She had been on hospice, a fact that was not shared with my side of the family because my uncle had taken over her care and refused us access. I don’t think I could have written this story after that fact.  This will likely be the last story I write for a while referring to Mike’s storyline.


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Saturday, March 31, 2018

Metro Court Hotel: Restaurant

In our times of trouble

Sonny Corinthos stepped off the elevator and smiled. He had asked Carly to arrange something that would remind them all of Luke’s, the jazz club he’d owned with Luke Spencer a lifetime ago, where his father had tended the bar, and as always, Carly had gone the extra mile.

She’d closed the restaurant for a week, redecorated with dark paneling, a stage that looked very similar to the one B.B. King had rocked on the opening night, and a long dark bar had replaced the restaurant’s smaller, modern modern feel.

“What do you think?” Carly whispered in his ear. She wound her arm through his, the sparkling silver of her dress catching in the dim lighting. “Do you think it’s too much? I never spent a lot of time at the club, but Mama helped. She said it brought back a lot of good memories.”

“It’s—” Sonny took a deep breath. “It’s perfect. I just…for a minute, I thought I was back there. I didn’t even know how much I missed the old place until—” He shook his head. “Until Mike broke into the gallery, I hadn’t even thought about the club in a decade. Not since…”

We only had ourselves
Nobody else

“I didn’t know you when you and Luke were close, but—”

“It cut something in me when he blamed me for Lucky’s death,” Sonny murmured. “He was one of my best friends. Like a brother. I loved that kid. I’ll never forgive myself—”

“But you didn’t—”

“Better security would have kept Helena Cassadine’s goons from stealing that boy’s life. From devastating his family.” Sonny looked over, caught sight of a brunette smiling, laughing with his mother-in-law. “You invited Elizabeth.”

“Yeah.” Carly sighed. “Yeah, I did. I wasn’t going to, but then Mama reminded me all of the years she worked at Kelly’s—and well…” She winced. “This night is about family, right? She’s Jake’s mother. Like it or not, we’re stuck with her.”

“That’s sweet,” Sonny said dryly. “It’s been twenty years. You ever gonna forgive her?”

“For what?” Carly rolled her eyes. “She’s the twit, not me.” And with that, his mercurial wife moved over to the bar to check on last minute additions. Sonny looked at his watch, then pulled out his phone to call his sons to make sure Mike was on his way.

No one there to save us
We had to save ourselves

“I can still remember the first time I was at Luke’s,” Elizabeth Webber said with a smile as Bobbie Spencer passed her a glass of wine. “Amy Vining won a dance contest. There was so much music, so much laughter.” Then her smile dimmed. “And then Nikolas—”

“That was a terrible night,” Bobbie said with a soft sigh. “But Jason was there. And he saved his life.” The redhead turned to find the enforcer deep in conversation with Anna Devane. The two of them looked as though they were arguing, so Bobbie turned her attention back to her former niece-in-law. “I imagine things have been…awkward since he came home.”

“Awkward.” Elizabeth’s lips pressed together as she stared into the wine. “That isn’t…even half of it. I’ve barely spoken to him.”

And when the storms came through

“Really?” Bobbie lifted her eyebrows. “I would have thought with Jake—”

“It’s not like I haven’t wanted to,” Elizabeth cut back in sharply. “I just—Franco—” She closed her eyes. “You know how everyone always gets when Jason and I breathe the same air. Lucky. Ric. Sam. Courtney. Even Carly. They always seem to think we’re just…waiting to go back to each other.” She sipped her wine. “We made our choices.”

“Mmm…” Bobbie nodded. “I know how people are. I know how my daughter is. I just didn’t know you and Jason gave a damn about any of that.” She eyed Elizabeth’s hand with its missing engagement ring. “None of those people are here tonight.”

They found me and you
Back to back together

“I’ve finally managed to convince Robert to give us a hand,” Anna Devane was saying when Jason tuned back into their conversation. “He’s been the devil to track down on this last assignment—”

“I don’t know what help you think he could give me,” Jason muttered. He was tired of everyone treating him like he couldn’t solve his own goddamn problems. Even if part of him thought maybe they were right.

“Well it’s not about help,” Anna said, with some impatience. “But it is clear that neither of us are able to see the big picture. I’ve been looking back of what we have so far—what we managed to glean from Faison—and it strikes me that we’re missing a rather big part of the puzzle.”

“And what’s what?” Jason demanded.

“The Cassadines,” Anna said simply. “And few people know the Cassadines better than Robert. He helped save the world from them. Luke’s out of commission. But Robert—”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. The Ice Princess. What about the Cassadines?”

“Well, I’ve just thought it odd we haven’t given them enough thought. Helena had a chip in Drew’s head when he first came back to Port Charles. And she held your son hostage for several years.” Anna gestured across the room where Elizabeth was standing with Bobbie, now joined by Mac Scorpio and his wife Felicia. “And Valentin sent Ava to that clinic where you were being kept. They are the common factor in all of this.”

“They’ve always been interested in playing with people’s heads,” Jason said, almost absently as he remembered the flashing angry eyes of Lucky Spencer and the switchblade he’d held in his hand.

“Precisely. I thought Robert could give us a perspective—”

“Great. Let me know when he gets here,” Jason said, and then abruptly walking away to find Carly.

He didn’t want to think about any of this any more tonight.

And when the sun would shine

The elevator doors opened, and Mike Corbin stepped out, clad in a tuxedo that matched his grandsons behind him. Sonny grinned and stepped forward. “Hey, Mike. Welcome back to Luke’s.”

He took in Mike’s astonishment, felt his smile slip slightly. What if Kevin Collins had been wrong? What if bringing back all of this would just upset his father?

He always felt like he couldn’t do anything right. He never knew what he would say, what would he do to trigger Mike’s irritation, his anger. Kevin could tell Sonny all he wanted that it wasn’t his fault, but damn it, didn’t it have to be somebody’s?

Maybe if he’d been a more forgiving son, a better brother to Courtney—maybe he and Mike could have been closer. What if Mike hadn’t left Port Charles? Sonny would have seen the signs earlier. Medication—something—

It was yours and mine
Yours and mine forever

“We thought it might be nice to bring back some old memories,” Michael said easily as he clapped a hand on his grandfather’s shoulder. “Dad says you were one of the best bartenders in the city.”

“The state, he told me,” Dante offered. “Maybe you want to make us some drinks and settle it.”

Mike swallowed, his eyes looking around. “You…you changed the whole restaurant for this—”

“I’ve been thinking of decorating,” Carly said as she stepped up to her husband, sliding her arm through his. A comfort at his side—thought if twenty years ago, anyone would have told him that Carly would be his solid rock of Gibraltar, he would have though they were insane.  “We don’t have a good old fashioned blues club anymore. Maybe we should invest in one.”

“Maybe.” Mike clapped his hands together with a smile. “Where’s the bar? Let’s get this party started.”

Oh how the years go by

“I can’t think of Luke’s without thinking of Georgie,” Felicia Scorpio murmured to her husband as she took a glass of champagne from a passing waiter. “Do you remember that night?”

“I do,” Bobbie said dryly.

“Oh, I think Lucky told me about this,” Elizabeth said. “You had her in the club, didn’t you?”

“I did. I went into labor right at Luke’s.” Felicia pressed her fingers to her lips. “It doesn’t seem right she’s been gone now for so long.”

“Ten years.” Mac stared down into his beer. “It feels like yesterday. And now, with Maxie—” He shook his head. “I’m sorry. This isn’t—”

“We tried to get her to come tonight. To just get out of the house, but I don’t know. Maybe we shouldn’t push.” Felicia chewed on her bottom lip. “What do you think?”

Bobbie glanced at Elizabeth, tilted her head. “What do you think?”

“What?” Elizabeth blinked. “Oh. Well…I know it’s not the same, but when I thought Lucky was gone—I tried to go back to my old life. Go out with friends. I went to Luke’s, too. But I always felt…pressured to be okay. I didn’t want anyone to worry about me, you know? So I pretended.” Her fingers tightened around the stem of her glass. “Until I almost drowned in the lie.”

Oh how the love brings tears to my eyes

“Oh.” Felicia’s eyes misted over. “Oh, sweetheart. But yes, yes that’s exactly what I think it is happening. We keep trying to bring her out of this, and God knows, Lulu is annoying her with trying to make Maxie forgive her—I just—”

“I don’t want her spin out like she did after Jesse,” Mac said roughly. “I know it’s not a good memory for you, either, Elizabeth—”

“She was so much younger then,” Elizabeth offered. “I always understood it. Lucky was her port in the storm. Her way of feeling normal. She was desperate to find anything that made her feel like she was still part of the world. I felt that way, too. I just…” She lifted a shoulder. “I found someone who would just listen, you know? That’s what she needs. Someone who doesn’t want to fix her. Who makes it okay to live with her memories. Some days are going to be bad. She’s going to want to drown in her grief. And some days are going to be better.”

“We’ll do better.” Felicia touched her arm. “Thank you. I appreciate your advice. And if you and Maxie were on a better footing, I’d say you could be that person—”

“It’s very easy to latch on to the first person you see, to the first person who makes you feel normal.” Elizabeth sighed. “And it’s easier to lose yourself in that lie. But Maxie is stronger than that, Felicia. I promise you that. She’s your daughter. And Mac didn’t raise any fools.”

“On a happier note,” Bobbie said. “Do you remember your first wedding?” she asked Felicia. “The double one with Kevin and Lucy that wasn’t?”

“Oh, of course. One of my favorites.” Felicia took Mac’s hand in hers. “Even if I messed it up later. Elizabeth!” The memory slipped back into her head like lightning. “You caught the bouquet!”

Elizabeth’s startled laughter rang out over the room. “Oh, my God. I completely—I did, didn’t I?” Her cheeks flushed. “I caught it more with my hair, but yeah. Oh, my God. I can’t believe I forgot that.” She shook her head. “It feels like a lifetime ago.”

“It does.” Felicia smiled up at Mac brightly. “We’ve been through hell, you and me, huh? But here we are.”

“Exactly where we’re supposed to be.” He pressed his lips to his wife’s. “You can’t fight destiny.”

All through the changes the soul never dies

“He’s going to be a father,” Carly said, taking a seat next to Jason and setting another Rolling Rock down in front of him. “Can you believe it?”

“No.” Jason exhaled slowly, following Carly’s gaze where Michael was laughing with his grandfather and brother. “I can remember the first time I held him. Bobbie had to show me how—” He stared down at his hands. “He was so small. I was so afraid I would screw it up.”

“I used to feel guilty about abandoning him that first month, that I missed most of his first year,” Carly said. “I still do, but God, looking back, it kills me, Jason, that Michael is the only child you got to raise.”

“I’m—” Jason’s throat tightened. “That’s not true. I’m spending time with Danny now, and—”

“But you’re still not seeing Jake—”

“That’s not—it’s complicated.” Jason shifted. “And you act like I never saw Jake before the accident. I was there when he was born. I held him—”

“Only for Elizabeth to give—”

“Stop.” Jason shook his head. “Just don’t do this, Carly. Jake is my son, and it’s complicated right now. But it’s getting better. He’s alive. I got a miracle. You think I care that he doesn’t love me? I don’t need him to love me. He’s alive, and he’s breathing.”

“Right.” Carly closed her eyes. “Right. Of course. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I guess I still— I blame myself for that, too. If I hadn’t been in such a hurry to keep her out of your life, I don’t know, maybe she wouldn’t have lied—”

We fight, we laugh, we cry

“It wasn’t just you,” Jason muttered. He stared down at the table. “And it’s not your fault. Not entirely. You and Sonny didn’t help, but I didn’t let her tell me anything. I told her it was better Lucky was the baby’s father. And she…”

“Thought it meant you didn’t want him,” Carly said. She tilted her head. “You never told me that before.”

“Yeah, well….” Jason tipped his beer back, took a long swig. “Sometimes it’s easier to forget that the reason Jake isn’t in my life, that he had Lucky at all is as much my fault as it is Elizabeth’s. More.”

“Oh, I doubt—”

“I asked her to marry me ten minutes before I found out Michael was shot, Carly. I stepped away from her. From the boys.” He shook his head. “I have to live with that, not Elizabeth. The first year, maybe that’s on her more than me. But the next three? It’s my fault. So stop blaming Elizabeth for everything that’s wrong in my life.”

“I don’t blame her for everything,” Carly muttered. “I don’t think global warming is her fault.” She looked across the room to find Elizabeth with her mother. “Mike said he talked to her in the church. The day she was supposed to get married. I had forgotten he knew her.”

“Well, she worked at Kelly’s with him and Tammy for years.”

Carly tilted her head. “Do you remember everything about Elizabeth? Good God. I bet you even remember the first time you saw her. No, don’t tell me.” She wiggled her shoulders. “I don’t want to know.” She waited. “No, I do. Tell me.”

Jason sat back, in a mood to rile her up. “Actually, it was at Luke’s. The first time I remember seeing her. The night Nikolas Cassadine was shot. She was with her sister in the parking lot.”

Carly glared at him. “In the middle of the parking lot, while you were performing an emergency tracheotomy, you noticed Elizabeth Webber.”

As the years go by

He shrugged. “I always know who’s around me when shots have been fired. But that’s not what you meant is it? You mean do I remember when we first became friends?” He leaned forward. “What exactly are you asking?”

Carly hesitated. “I’ve been shoving Sam at you pretty…strongly since you came home. I did the same thing when Drew was supposed to be you. I tell myself it’s because I want you to be happy, and you and Sam were married when you….left. But part of me…part of me knows that’s a bunch of bull. Because Drew was going to marry Elizabeth. And I wanted you back in my life. I don’t get to have you when she’s around.”

“Carly—” Jason closed his eyes. Shook his head. “That’s not true.”

“It’s not, no, but I guess…” Carly chewed on her bottom lip. “I guess part of me always remembered when you were hurt. When you were shot. You pushed me away—yes, you had your reasons and they were good ones, but all I felt was rejection. And I knew I was losing you. You told me you loved me, but it didn’t feel real. It didn’t feel true when you said it.”

“I thought it was,” Jason admitted. “I was wrong. I’m sorry—”

“I don’t want to go back to that,” Carly told him. “I don’t—that part of our life is over. I can honestly say I haven’t thought about you that way in decades. But I will always associate losing you with Elizabeth Webber coming into your life, so yeah, I’ve gone out of my way to demolish her in your eyes.” She smiled sourly. “I don’t think I’ve been good at it, huh?”

“You’re my friend, Carly, and I love you. But no. You need to worry about your own family. I can handle my own life.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Carly sighed. “I’m going to go check on the caterer. You should go talk to Monica. She’s been eyeing you up since she came in, and she’s still hesitant to come near you without some sort of engraved invitation.”

There were times we stumbled

“Luke’s seems like it was a pretty cool place,” Dante said, taking a seat next to his brother. “Whatever happened to it?”

“I’m not sure,” Michael said with a shrug. “Dad owned it until that fire with Jason’s garage, and he sold his interest to Luke. I think Luke closed it after Laura got sick.” He looked at the bar. “He seems like it’s a good night tonight.”

“Yeah, it seems that way. I just—” Dante exhaled slowly. “I don’t know how many of those nights we have left. It’s crazy, you know. We can be having a conversation, and he knows me, but halfway through his own sentence, it’s like he forgets me. We were talking about Rocco’s baseball team, and he was telling stories about Sonny playing stickball—and he asked about my ma. Like she wasn’t my mother. He didn’t know who I was.” His voice faltered. “He and I were never close, you know, but he’s always been good to me. And Christ, Michael, it scares the crap out of me.”

They thought they had us down

“Because it could be genetic,” Michael said. He exhaled slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, Dad was saying something about that. I guess I got lucky. I only got addiction in my genes—”

“Yeah, we Corinthos men got the winning hand. Bipolar disorder, dementia…can’t wait to see what else is in store.” Dante shook his head. “I don’t mean that. I’m sorry—”

“Hey, don’t apologize, man. We can’t say this stuff to Dad. He’s already got enough guilt over Morgan.” Michael rubbed the back of his neck. “Grandfather—Edward, I mean—he was sharp until the last few weeks. Even bedridden, he was always there. I mean, he drove me insane, and I wish like hell I had gotten to know him better.” He stared into space. “I’m glad he died before he found out about Jason going off that pier. That he didn’t live to see the last six years.”

“Losing ELQ would have killed him.”

But we came around

“It was never the company,” Michael said with a shake of his head. “I know everyone always thinks Grandfather was obsessed with business, and he was, don’t get me wrong. But it was what ELQ was supposed to represent. It was supposed to be family. He used it to keep the family tied to each other. That’s why he gave out the stock in his will. To make us sit in a room together. We just…never got the hang of it.”

“Do you think about AJ?” Dante said after a long moment.

“Yeah. A lot. Especially now that I’m about to be a father. I think a lot about what it must have felt like for him to always have to prove himself to everyone in his life,” Michael replied. “To constantly have to prove his worthiness to be my father. I wish I had known him better. And I feel guilty I let Dad back in, you know? He shot AJ. He killed him. And he lied to me for months.”

“Sonny raised you, Michael. No one blames you for not being able to forget that—”

“I blame me. He’s father, and I love him. But I can’t pretend it’s not different now. I know Mom wants me to figure out how to get Nelle out of my life, and I get it. Part of me even agrees, but then—”

“You think about who you thought she was.”

“Who she might still be,” Michael corrected. “I don’t know what kind of mother she’ll be. I just—she deserves the chance to do right by our child. I owe my father that. He spent his life drowning in the bottle, lying, stealing, cheating. Trying to live up to an image. And trying to be my father. Nelle…reminds me of him. She lies like someone people breathe, and I know it’s about protecting herself. Mostly.”

“She also loves to stick it to your mother.”

“Yeah, well, Mom doesn’t really endear herself to many people. And she’s got good reasons not to like Nelle either.” Michael shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess…I’m interested to see what happens when the baby is born. How Nelle handles it. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt. Does that make me an idiot?”

“It does,” Dante told him. “But you know, if part of you sees this as atoning for letting Sonny back in your life, then well, who I am to argue? The bastard shot me, and here I am in his life. I let my kid call him Grandpa. We’re all stupid sometimes.”

How we rolled and rambled

Elizabeth flashed a hesitant smile as she stepped up to the bar where Mike was carefully measuring out a drink. “Hey. Word has it you’re making a mean pomegranate martini tonight.”

Mike’s face, so familiar to her, creased in a wide smile. “Elizabeth! The prettiest girl in the room! I was wondering if you’d come over to see me. You want a pomtini? Coming right up.”

Elizabeth slid onto the stool. “You look like you’re having a good time tonight.”

“Oh, yeah, it’s a good day.” Mike nodded. He measured vodka into a shaker, followed by the pomegranate mix. “I still remember you, though.” He tapped his temple. “Hard to forget you with Tammy and Ruby always yelling at you for breaking something or forgetting an order.”

Elizabeth laughed, covered her face with her hands. “Oh, man. You remember how bad I was in the beginning? I was hopeless.”

“Nah. You were young.” Mike shook out the glass. “And you were never meant for that life. Waiting on others. You were supposed to be an artist. Tammy always thought you would set the world on fire.”

Elizabeth sighed and accepted the drink he handed her. “Well, life gets in the way. That’s…that’s not my life anymore.”

“Can’t let that happen. Can’t let excuses get in the way.” Mike hesitated, looked across the room at his son. Elizabeth twisted to follow his gaze where Sonny was talking to Carly. “I have a lot of regrets, Elizabeth. I made so many choices out of fear. I didn’t think I could be a good father, so I ran. Twice. And even when I showed back up, I wasn’t the kind of father my kids deserved. And now…I’m starting to forget my little girl.” Some of the mirth fell from his face. “So few of us remember her. And once I don’t—”

“I remember her,” Elizabeth said. She reached out and squeezed Mike’s hand. “I remember when Spencer was born. How hard she fought for him. Nikolas and Jax aren’t here to tell him that. Laura doesn’t know. I do. Sonny does. We’ll keep her alive for him.”

“You’re a good girl, Elizabeth. Always was. Don’t let Ruby get you down. You’ll be a great waitress yet.” He handed her a bottle of Rolling Rock. “Jason looks low on his drink. Why don’t you take him his order?”

Elizabeth’s throat clenched. Just that quickly, Mike had slipped away from her. Away from the evening. Didn’t remember that that she’d never worked at Luke’s. That she’d given up waitressing more than a decade ago—but she flashed him a smile, picked up her drink and the bottle. “Sure thing, Mike. I hope he still gives good tips. I’ve got my eye on some new shoes.”

“Flash him that pretty smile. You can’t go wrong.”

We got lost and we got found
Now we’re back on solid ground, yeah

Jason sat down at his mother’s table, wishing he had stopped at the bar to get another beer so he’d have something to do with his hands.

Nothing made him feel more awkward than a conversation with the woman who was the only mother he’d ever known. “I’m surprised to see you here tonight.”

“Oh.” Monica lifted a shoulder. “I wanted to be here for Mike. I’ve never changed the way I feel about Sonny and Carly, but they’re apart of your life. And Mike has always been good to me.” She cleared her throat. “How are you doing? We haven’t spoken much since—”

“I haven’t really talked to anyone,” Jason admitted. “I’ve tried to focus on finding out who did this more than…”

“How to pick up your life again.” Monica tilted her head. “It must have been a shock to come home, to find out that you had two sons. Especially Jake.” Monica looked at the bar where Elizabeth was sitting with Mike. “I wasn’t kind to Elizabeth through all of that. And after learning she’d lied about Drew—this whole town turned its back on her. I haven’t been as close to Jake as I would have liked.”

Jason furrowed his brow. Elizabeth had suggested things had been difficult after she’d kept the secret of Drew’s identity, but they hadn’t gotten into it.

They hadn’t spoken about much at all.

“Finding out Jake was alive was a miracle I didn’t—I don’t deserve.” Jason paused. “And Danny—yeah. We’re—it’s a lot.”

“Jake has been close to Drew. It—” Monica waited. “I don’t want to draw any comparisons because I don’t know how fair they are, but I wonder if it was anything like I felt after your accident. You were my son. The little boy I had raised into a man, but you didn’t know me. And you didn’t trust me. You turned to other people for support. To Sonny, even to Bobbie. They became your family.”

Jason clenched his fists at his side. “We all made decisions back then—”

“I don’t blame you. And that’s not why I brought it up. I just…I guess I wanted you to remember how you felt. Being told these people were your family when you didn’t know them.” Monica lifted her hands. “I just wanted to give you some advice that I wish I had listened to back then. I wish anything that Alan and I could have those months back. To do it again.”

“What could you have done differently?” Jason asked. “I’m not as angry as I used to be. I used to—Every thing used to be black and white to me. Right and wrong. I didn’t understand all the things in the middle. I didn’t understand how the Quartermaines could treat one another the way they do and still claim to love each other.”

“Oh, Jason—”

“I’m not entirely sure I get it now,” Jason admitted. “But I know hard it is to be a father. To make choices that you want to take back. You and Alan—even Edward. You all did the best you could.”

“I appreciate that.” Monica reached across, squeezed his hands. “But we could have all been more patient. That’s what I’m suggesting to you now. Jake doesn’t know you. And maybe there a lot of reasons for that that I don’t know about. He doesn’t know you. But he will. And if you’re lucky, if you’re patient, and you just keep chipping away, he’ll change his mind.”

“I know. I can believe that.” Jason squeezed her hands back. “Because I couldn’t have imagined being part of the Quartermaines twenty years ago. And today, I know you’re my mother. And I wish I had been able to let Alan—to let my father back into my life. To get to know Grandfather again. I wish we all could have given each other another chance.”

“Hey, I’m sorry to interrupt,” Elizabeth said with a hesitant smile. “But Mike…forgot who I was while he was talking to me, and he wanted me to bring you order.” She held out a bottle of beer to him. “And I just—I went with it to make sure he didn’t get upset.”

We took everything
All our times would bring

“Oh.” Monica sighed, looked at the bar. “I should go say hello to him. Elizabeth, it’s good to see you. How are the boys? Cameron is what, thirteen now?”

“Fourteen in a few weeks..” Elizabeth flashed a more natural smile as Jason accepted the beer from her and set it in front of him. “I really don’t understand how he’s going to be in high school next year. Aiden’s obsessed with Captain America, and Jake is going through art supplies almost faster than I can—” She broke off. “I mean, they’re fine.”

“I haven’t seen them in a few weeks. We should do something for Jake and Cam’s birthday next month.” Monica got to her feet. “I’ve been meaning to ask you if I could spend more time with Cam and Aiden. I know they’re not mine biologically, but—”

“Oh.” Elizabeth blinked. “Oh. That would be, um, great. It’s been hard—my grandmother—” She swallowed hard. “Since she passed away last summer.”

“I still expect to see Steve or Audrey around the corners at the hospital,” Monica said with a sigh. She turned to Jason. “You don’t remember Steve, but he was there from the beginning.”

“When the hospital opened,” Elizabeth said with a sad smile. “General Hospital was his dream. He’d be so happy with how you and Alan kept it moving forward.”

“And he’d be excited his Lizzie is carrying on the family tradition.” Monica touched her shoulder. “I remember you in the summers. You’d come to the hospital, trailing behind Steven and Sarah, completely bored by everything. You were always dragging markers and notepaper around.”

“General Hospital was always a safe place for me. And being a nurse has let me take care of my boys.” Elizabeth laced her fingers together. “But I should let you and Jason get back to your conversation—”

“No, no, I’m going to go talk to Mike. You stay here. I’m sure you two can think of something to talk about.” Monica flashed a smile down at Jason who just raised his brows at his mother. “After all, you’ve known each other your entire lives. Even if you don’t remember it, Jason.”

In this world of dangers

And at that, Monica left. Elizabeth flashed him an embarassed smile and started to slide away. “I see Bobbie over there, I’ll just—”

“No, no, not until you tell me what my mother meant.” He shoved the chair out with his leg. “We knew each other before my accident?”

“Oh. God. No. I mean, yes.” Elizabeth sat down, setting her martini glass down. “You’re older than me, Jason. You were at the hospital with your parents sometimes. And Steven used to hang out with you sometimes. And I followed him around because he was the only one who didn’t think I was insane. So I was someone’s bratty sister.”

“Okay.” Jason squinted. “Did your brother move? I haven’t seen him.”

Elizabeth winced. “No. He ended up—Heather framed him for something not long after you…He’s in Memphis. Serving a jail sentence for—” She sat back. “So he’s gone.”

He decided not to push her on Steven. “And so is Audrey. I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s…it is what it is. It’s been a bad couple of years.” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “Jake. He’s the bright spot. His coming home was like a miracle I really didn’t deserve, you know? But I got it anyway. All of my boys. They’re the reason I get up in the morning.” She bit her lip. “We should do more about Jake. I feel bad that I haven’t—I did try to push him a little bit a few months ago. But I let other things get in the way.”

‘Cause when your heart is strong

“Yeah.” He eyed the empty ring finger. “I can see that.”

“Oh. Yeah.” She stared down at her finger. “He stood me up at the altar—but you knew that. And then he lied. About a thousand more times. I guess I deserve it.”

“Why?” he demanded, leaning forward.

You know you’re not alone

Elizabeth squinted at him. “You—I told you why. I mean, you know better than anyone—I lied. I lied a lot.” She huffed. “The last time I saw you, I was—”

“Telling me the truth.” Jason waved that away. “Why does that mean you deserve…” He couldn’t even say the name.

“I lied about Jake—” She stopped. “Drew. But I called him Jake back then. We all did. I told you. Nikolas told me who he was, but I didn’t say anything. Even after we knew little Jake was alive, I kept lying.”

Jason tilted his head. “Why? Because he was supposed to be me?”

“Oh.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Great. You, too. I would have—” She shook her head. “You weren’t here, so I guess I can’t—no. Jake—Drew and I were already—at least I thought we were. He always seems to forget that I was the only one who gave a damn about him when no one else did. Sonny and Sam hated him back then, did you know that? But I didn’t. I was in love with him. So yeah, I didn’t tell him who Nikolas said he was. Because I know how that story ends and I don’t get the happy ending.” She tossed back the rest of her martini.

In this world of strangers

Carly scowled as she stepped back out from the office and saw Jason sitting at a table with Elizabeth. Alone.

Not on her watch.

But before she could take more than a step, Sonny grabbed her elbow, swung her around, and twirled her into a dance. “Nope.”

“But—”

“Uh uh.”

“She’s going to—”

“No.”

Carly scowled. “Sam—”

“They’re adults, Carly. And if nothing else, looking at my father…” Sonny sighed, looked at the bar with Monica and Bobbie were laughing with Mike. “It reminds me we have to grab every scrap of happiness we have while we got it. I don’t know how long I’m going to know your face.”

“Sonny—” Carly looked at him, her dark eyes stricken. “You don’t know—”

“No, I don’t. But anything could happen. I could have another break down. Or I could end up like Mike. And I want to make sure that my family knows how much I love them. And how much I trust them to make their own decisions.”

“Fine.” Carly sighed and leaned into the dance, pressing her cheek against his. “But if she hurts him, I’m going to gut her like a fish.”

“Wouldn’t expect any less from you.”

Oh how the years go by

On the stage, Ned Ashton checked the strings of his guitar, getting ready for his last set of the night. It had been a lot of fun to resurrect Eddie Maine for the night, even though his advisors had told him playing for a reputed mobster’s private party wouldn’t bring him much good press.

“Hey, Eddie, can I have your autograph?”

He grinned and turned to find to former rival, almost wife, and partner in crime leaning against the stage. “Hey. You look like a pinup I once had.”

With a smirk, Alexis Davis tossed back her hair. “You wish. Hell, I wish. I used to be younger.”

Oh how the love brings tears to my eyes

“I wish Lulu had come,” Olivia Falconieri-Ashton said with a sad smile. “Since Maxie ended up staying home.”

“She wanted some time with Rocco and Charlotte.” Dante folded his arms and studied his grandfather at the bar. “You know, mostly I think you made the right choice keeping me away from Sonny.”

“And yet?” Olivia prompted.

“I wish I had known so I’d have more time with Mike. With my grandfather. I had an aunt I never knew. A lot of people in Sonny’s life that he talks about like family, and I guess—” Dante shrugged. “You just wonder about the road not taken. Who would I have been if you’d brought me to Sonny when I was Rocco’s age? If I had known Stone Cates. Courtney. Michael talks about his aunt, sometimes. So did Morgan.”

“Oh, sweetie—”

“Like I said—I get why you made that choice. I just…I wonder.” Dante hooked an arm around his mother’s shoulder. “But you and me did okay, didn’t we?”

“We did. But I learned a lesson. As much as I hate Julian Jerome, I never want to explain those choices again.” Olivia sighed. “So Leo gets to know his dad. And Charlotte gets to know Valentin. All you can do is learn from your past, kid. And hope you took away the right lessons.”

All through the changes the soul never dies

Michael twirled his mother away from Sonny as Ned took the stage again and began his final set. “I’m under strict instructions to keep you occupied.”

“What, did Sonny send up a smoke signal?” Carly muttered. “I’m not going to bother them. He doesn’t look irritated.” She squinted, trying to peak around Michael’s shoulder to get closer. If she could just hear their conversation—

“Mom. Why do you care?”

“What?” Carly snapped her attention back to her son. “What?”

“All my life, you’ve gone out your way to irritate Elizabeth. More than anyone else I’ve ever known. Hell, I remember when Sam had an affair with Dad, you forgave her faster.”

Carly scowled. “I didn’t forgive. I moved on.” She had also possibly repressed that memory.

“Jason was gone for five years. He came home to find out that he has two sons. That someone stole those years from him. He gets to figure this out for himself.” Michael twirled his mother so she faced away from the table where his uncle sat. “And Elizabeth has always been good to me. To Jason. So whatever wrong you think she did—”

“She didn’t—” Carly huffed, rolled her eyes. “She didn’t really do anything. It’s just—I broke him once. I broke him into a million little pieces, Robin ground those pieces into dust, and then Sonny shoved that dust off a cliff. I guess…I’m a little obsessed with making sure he’s all put back together.”

“He looks good to me, Mom. I think you can get off guard duty.”

“For now. But I’m keeping my eyes open.”

Falconieri House: Living Room

We fight, we laugh, we cry
As the years go by

Lulu Falconieri sighed as she switched off the television and picked up her phone to look at the background wallpaper. Dante had told her to change it to something happier, something that didn’t depress her.

But she didn’t want to forget.

It was a photograph from the Christmas Party, and it was the four of them. Bright. Shining. Happy. Planning a wonderful future with their amazing husbands, incredible children, and budding careers.

And they were best friends. Against all odds, they had become each other’s families. And with one decision, with one story Lulu couldn’t take back—

She had shattered that image.

And she needed to remember that. Decisions had consequences.

Maxie & Nathan’s Apartment: Living Room

And if we lose our way

Maxie Jones-West sighed and stared at her missed calls. Her mother had called her twice. Bobbie and her father once. And now her mother had called a third let, which Maxie had let go unanswered.

But this time, Felicia had left her a voicemail, and reluctantly, Maxie pressed play.

“Hey, my darling girl. I just wanted to let you know that your dad and I are going to lay off tonight. And tomorrow. I love you. And I want to do what’s right for you. So if you want to sit in your apartment and cry, do that. If you want me to come over and listen while you scream about how unfair this all is, I’ll do that, too. I love you. And you need to do this in your own time. So you send a smoke signal when you’re ready for us. Make sure you get some sleep, though. Because I’m your mother, and I’m allowed to do that. Nathan loved you, Maxie. And you don’t get over that in six weeks. I love you, baby.”

Maxie pressed her phone to her chest and tilted her head back, letting the tears fall. Oh, God. He was dead. Why did it always have to feel so goddamn fresh and new when she thought about it?

Would she ever get past it?

Any night or day

Elizabeth shoved her chair back, feeling irritated that she’d talked to Jason about any of this. “I’m sorry. You don’t—You didn’t come back from the dead to listen to me whine—”

Before she could get to her feet, he reached out to touch her elbow. “Hey. That’s not what you’re doing. I haven’t seen you in five years, Elizabeth. I mean to me, I guess it was more like six months and I guess sort of it was two years or something since he was here—”

“No, five years—” Elizabeth exhaled slowly. “No, I mean Drew was supposed to be you. But I think part of us all knew—he wasn’t. I kept telling myself he’d been through a lot. That I had put him through a lot, and you know, I always figured I’d finally do something to make you stop giving a damn—”

Well we’ll always be

“Hey—”

“I mean, God, Jason, how much did I hurt you, you know? All that crap with Lucky back when he came home. I accused you of attacking him—and then I—” She shook her head. “And we really don’t have to talk about what a disaster Ric was. I mean, I almost married him again four years ago, so what the hell do I know about learning my lesson, right? And then lying to you about Jake—”

“I don’t blame you for that.”

“Why not?” Elizabeth demanded. “Of course you do. And then when you wanted to Jake save Joss, I slapped you. Like you weren’t losing your son. And that’s just—Anyway. That’s all ancient history. I just wanted to say that I lied to you again that day in the jail. I knew you who you were. I just couldn’t admit that I had blown up my entire life for something that turned out not to be even real.”

“Okay.” Jason tilted his head. “I mean, I knew you were lying, Elizabeth. I can always tell. Except—” He exhaled slowly. “Except with Jake. I mean, I knew something was wrong. But I thought I was just—I was disappointed. I wanted him to be mine, so I guess I thought whatever I was getting from you—”

“We made a lot of mistakes, Jason.” Elizabeth played with the stem of her empty martini glass. “I just wish I knew how to stop making them. I keep trusting people to be honest with me, but I should know better. What right do I have to expect that? I’m a liar, too. Why am I always surprised when people lie to me?”

Where we should be

“Because you usually lie to protect other people,” Jason said gently. “Or to protect yourself from a worst truth.  You said he lied a thousand times. Why didn’t you go before?”

“Because—” Elizabeth closed her eyes. Felt a tear slide down her cheek.  “He stayed.”

Jason furrowed his brow. “Elizabeth—”

“People have a hard time staying,” she confessed in a voice so soft he had to lean forward to catch it. “There’s something wrong with me.  You know that. It’s hard to love me. I expect too much, maybe. And people leave. So…he stayed.”

“There’s nothing—” Jason shook his head, fiercely. “There’s nothing wrong with you. Why would you—”

“Don’t make me do this, Jason. Don’t ask questions you already know the answer to.”

I’m there for you

“What does that mean—”

“You didn’t stay.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “You told me that being with me and the boys—that was all you wanted, but you couldn’t have it. And I believed you. I did. I thought it wasn’t me. It wasn’t Jake or Cam. It was how scary everything after Jake got kidnapped again. It hurt like hell, but I think part of me thought we’d get past it. I’d always found a way to convince you to give us a chance again. But you didn’t mean it.”

“I did—”

“Then why were Spinelli and Sam allowed to be in and out of your life? Kristina. Michael and Morgan. Carly. Brenda. You let all those people be part of your life, Jason. You went back to Sam. You married her. You made sure you and Sam could have children. But me? You left me. So don’t tell me there’s nothing wrong with me.”

She shoved herself to her feet and stalked away towards the terrace. After a beat, he followed.

And I know you’re there for me

Felicia jumped as she felt her cell phone vibrate, shaking her black clutch bag in her hand. With an apologetic smile to Mac, Bobbie, and Kevin, she pulled the phone out and gasped. “Maxie…she just—sent me a text.” Her eyes flooded with tears.

“She says that she loves us. That she knows we want to help. And that if it’s okay, maybe I could come over tomorrow and just watch television so she’s not alone.” She pressed the phone to her chest. “She’s reaching out. To me. Not to Nina. Or that idiot boss of hers. Me. Mac.”

Mac put his arm around her shoulders. Pressed his lips to his wife’s blonde hair. “She’ll be all right.”

“I want to find Elizabeth. To thank her for giving me that advice.” Felicia turned just in time to see Elizabeth rush out the terrace doors and Jason Morgan on her heels.

“This should be my cue to say something about how she could do better,” Mac said, “but considering her track record, he might be not be so bad.”

Bobbie snorted. “If only Robin were here for that. Did you get on tape, Kevin? I need witnesses.”

Oh how the years go by

“Thank you for coming tonight, Grandma,” Michael said he turned Monica around on the dance floor. “I know how hard this all is for you. With—”

“I do feel as though a part of me is betraying AJ by being here,” she murmured. “But he would want me to stand by you. And I want to be here for you. I know how hard it’s been for you these last few months. To bring a baby into the world with a woman you don’t trust. I can only hope good things for you.”

“My child will be loved from the moment it comes into this world,” Michael said. “Just like I was. I had a village to raise me. There are kids out there who don’t get one parent who gives a damn, I can’t get rid of the people who see me as theirs. That’s what I choose to think about. How lucky I was to have AJ. Jason. My mother. Sonny. And you and Grandfather. Aunt Tracy. Ned, even when he’s driving me insane. Dillon. Morgan. Dante. Kristina—I have an army behind me ready to love my child. We can make up for anything.”

“You will be the best of us all,” Monica said, hugging her grandson tightly. “I love you.”

Oh how the love brings tears to my eyes

“Thanks for this,” Mike told Sonny as his son sat at the bar. They watched as Ned broke down the stage, talking to his bandmates. “I don’t—I had some moments I think. I forgot—I forgot sometimes where I was.”

“It’s okay.”

Mike nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, I know you mean that.” He looked around the room. “It’s okay because I can’t control it. You’d think it’d be simple. I’d mess something up, someone would correct me, and I would know it. I would know the truth. But that’s—that’s the part that’s going away. I’m going to keep messing up, and I’ll stop believing the truth.”

“Mike—”

“And one day, I won’t even be messing up. I’ll just be gone.” Mike laid his hands out on the bar. “Part of me is already gone, you know. I don’t know what to do. How to stop it. I can’t stop it. You can’t stop it, either. And I know that’s driving you insane. You hate not being able to control things.”

“Yeah.” Sonny cleared his throat. “I can’t stop it, Mike. Neither can you. And neither of us can take back the years or time we missed. But we got now. And we got as many moments as this world will give us, so we have to hold on to them.”

“Yeah.” Mike’s voice was rough. “I want to create as many memories for my grandkids as I can. I won’t be able to remember them but they need them. They need to know me before I was gone. I don’t want them to look back and wish they’d done more. I don’t want them to have my regrets, Sonny.”

“They won’t.” Sonny leaned across the bar, clasped his father’s hand in his. “They won’t. They already know you, they already love you. And we’re going to have more nights like this. Maybe not many. But we got time.”

“Yeah.” Mike’s eyes slid away. “Yeah, we got time.”

And they both knew they were lying. Because, yeah, Mike had time. But maybe he didn’t. Maybe he’d wake up tomorrow and be gone.

How the hell was Sonny supposed to do this?

All through the changes the soul never dies

Jason was already dragging off his suit jacket when he approached her standing on the terrace. She didn’t even flinch as he dropped the fabric over her shoulders.

“I’m sorry. I always make it about me. You’ve been through hell, Jason. And I’ve been the worst kind of friend.”

“Elizabeth—”

“I’m so happy you’re you. That you’re alive. It scares me how happy I am,” she admitted. “And I hate myself for not saying it sooner. For making every conversation about him. I always do that to you. I make it about what Lucky needs. What Ric needs. What Ewan needs. And now—of all people for me to throw in your face—you didn’t sign on to support me through my choices, Jason.” She sighed. “I guess—it’s mostly because I know why you walked away. I never put you first, either. I never made it about you. So what happened—that’s not just on you. That’s on me. We were never going to work. You just saw it first.”

He exhaled slowly, looked out over the skyline of Port Charles. “It was months before I knew how much time had passed. I woke up in the clinic, and I knew it was a while before I could fight off the drugs. I hate pain medication. I always have.”

“I remember. You used to refuse it after you were shot. I had to beg you that winter.”

“I hate losing time,” Jason continued. “After my accident, I had lost the first twenty-two years of my life. I didn’t want to lose any more. So I when I saw that newspaper on the ship back—when I realized it had been five years—” He dipped his head.

“So much of your life has been stolen from you, Jason,” Elizabeth murmured. “Unfair doesn’t seem strong enough.”

“I thought about everyone at home. What it would mean for it be five years. What had happened to Michael? To you? To Sam? Were you happy? Were you okay? And then I saw…I saw Sam with him. She was happy. And you had Jake. You were happy. I didn’t know he was—” Jason shook his head. “Maybe it was better before I came back.”

“No.” Elizabeth shook her head fiercely. “No. Don’t you dare ever say that. No one’s life was better because you were gone. These last five years, Jason? My God. Carly and I almost married Franco. Sam—she almost lost Danny to cancer. Michael has been through hell. I’ve been through hell. When Jake came home, he struggled with what happened. He’s still struggling, and I just—you would have had the words. I kept wishing for you. The old you. Because Drew wasn’t—he isn’t you.”

“Elizabeth—”

“You’ve been home for five minutes, and it’s like a fog has cleared. If you were still gone, I’d probably still be accepting and swallowing every lie—” She pressed her lips together. “You’re the only one who makes me think I do deserve something better. Because you’re the only one who gets so angry at me for destroying my own life.”

“Elizabeth—”

“You don’t even know half of the crap that Sonny and Carly went through. With AJ and Ava—God, if you’d been here for Morgan—” Tears spilled over her lashes. “We hurt without you, Jason. Not with you. I don’t care if you’re complicating Sam’s perfect life. Who the hell cares about her anyway? You matter to me. I want you to matter to Jake. And there’s Michael and Spinelli—”

“Okay.” He held up his hands, chagrined. “I’m sorry.” Jason managed a smile. “I forgot how you get when you’re mad.”

“Well, don’t mess with me then.” She jabbed a finger in his chest. “We’re going to find out who stole you from us, Jason. I have an opening in my schedule, and I’m not going to rest until I help you get to the truth.”

We fight, we laugh, we cry

She looked up at him for a long moment and then moved into to hug him tightly. “I’m so glad you’re you, and that you’re home. Don’t you ever forget how much we all love you.”

“I won’t.” He pressed his lips to the top of her head. “You deserve more than better, Elizabeth. Stop settling for anything else.”

“I’ll just have to start listening to you more.” She pulled away with a watery smile. “You’re always right, anyway.”

As the years go by

May 8, 2015

Timeline

This is set in May of 2015, after that fateful Nurse’s Ball when Elizabeth learns the “truth” of Jake Doe’s identity but keeps the secret.

Inspiration

I was so worried that Elizabeth would be made to look like the asshole and that I would hate the fallout of the Jake Doe story which was sad since I’d loved the buildup. I ended up being right, but I wrote this back in May of 2015. It’s set to Rie Sinclair’s Already Over, used during 2006 GH episodes. I’ve embedded the song below.


safetoloveyou


1
Do you see that it takes everything to be in this moment
And I can’t just end up with a photograph of the one that I lost

For six months, he had been able to avoid the lying snake who had posed as his wife, but Jake Doe was unsurprised to learn one November morning that his luck had run out.

He stepped out of the elevator at the Metro Court only to find Hayden Barnes lounging in the reception area, her lips curved in an expression that might send chills down anyone else’s spine.

Jake was not just anyone, and today of all days, he was not going to let Hayden ruin his good mood.

He stopped in front of her, his hands sliding into the pockets of his jeans. “Taking advantage of the fact Carly’s out of town?”

Hayden’s smirk only deepened as she straightened. “Of course. I’ve been trying to track you down for days.”

Jake just shook his head, already regretting that he had stopped to speak with her. He brushed past her, out the doors of the Metro Court. He had other places to be today.

“I heard good news was in order,” Hayden called after him, following him to the sidewalk. He continued to ignore her as he turned left, prepared to walk the half mile to Elizabeth’s house on Cherry Blossom Lane.

The house that would soon be theirs in just a few short weeks.

As Hayden’s heels clicked behind him, Jake stopped and turned to face her, the cars rushing down the avenue that divided Port Charles in half. “I don’t know what your problem is—why you’ve decided to annoy me, but it’s not going to work.” He gestured down the street where he knew the Port Charles bus station was located. “You should hop on the first bus out of town, just like your friend, Ric.”

“Oh, I intend to head out.” Hayden fell into step with Jake as he started to cross the street. “I just wanted to make sure I don’t leave any unfinished business.”

Jake chuckled then and considered catching a cab. He liked walking the streets of the city, getting to know this place he had adopted as his own. It had been more than a year and memories continued to evade him. The few flashes he had experienced the year before had dwindled to nothing.

He had visited a lawyer to make his new life legal, to make sure any future he started would be secure from more Haydens showing up on his doorstep.  He had a plans to protect, people to cherish.

He was building a family and a life here.

“Nikolas finally get tired and boot you out?” Jake stopped on the corner and faced her again. Trying to walk away from her hadn’t worked, so maybe it was time to just let her spew whatever nonsense she thought was pertinent so she’d be out of their lives.

She’d stolen enough time from him.

Hayden slipped her hands into the pockets of her plush coat. “He decided to call my bluff. Apparently, since he’s finished his takeover ELQ, he’s no longer concerned about what I know.”

Jake hesitated now, because he’d had some odd feelings about the Cassadine prince, had been on the receiving end of strange looks and general feelings of discomfort. Could Hayden actually know something Nikolas wanted to keep hidden? It would explain why she had shacked up at Wyndemere after the Nurse’s Ball. Elizabeth had been upset, but had decided she would let it go.

Nikolas was an adult, and it wasn’t their concern.

“Why don’t you have your say?” Jake said. “As you very well know, I’m on my way to Elizabeth.” He tilted his head. “We have a doctor’s appointment today.”

“Oh, it’s so sweet,” Hayden purred. “You look so happy with your drippy and tragic suffering nurse.”

Jake narrowed his eyes, but said nothing.

“Tell me, Jake,” Hayden said, stressing his name. “When you woke up in that hospital, did your dear sweet Elizabeth feel familiar?” She stepped closer. “As if you’ve always known her?”

Jake opened his mouth but closed it, because though he hated to admit it, being with Elizabeth had always felt natural. Familiar. He’d often joked with her that maybe they had known one another in previous life.

“So what?” Jake shrugged. “She was the nurse in the ER the night I was brought in. I remember her voice—”

“Oh, you know…” Hayden tossed her head back and laughed. “Come on, Jake. You know that’s not what I mean.  I know who you are, Jake Doe.”

And something inside Jake clenched in that moment, because he believed her.  He couldn’t quite understand why, after all her lies, he would believe such a thing.

But something in her eyes, in the delight she was taking in this—

“I know who I am,” Jake told her. “Who I was doesn’t matter—”

“I assure you it matters to the people who knew you.” She stepped closer now, her coat brushing the open lapels of his own coat.  “Or aren’t you curious at all about that anymore?”

“I don’t remember it,” Jake responded, but his stomach rolled slightly. “So—”

“I want you to think very carefully about this, Jake Doe.” She tilted her head to the side. “You woke up in a hospital, and Elizabeth Webber felt like someone you’d known all your life. You thought the name Jake felt right.” Her smile curved. “You have odd memories of dragons and Sam McCall. And you have some serious violent abilities. Who do you think you used to be?”

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing here,” Jake said slowly, “but I’m walking away now—”

“You know what I’m telling you is true,” Hayden called after him. “And what’s more—Nikolas Cassadine has known for months—since the Haunted Star nearly blew up. Don’t you want to know the rest of it?”

“There’s nothing you can tell me—” But he stopped anyway, several paces away from her.

Because he thought he knew what she was talking about, and for the first time, he was putting the pieces together.

“Elizabeth has known for months.”

Jake blinked at her. “Known what?” he demanded. “See now, you’ve gone too far—if Elizabeth knew anything about my past, she would have told me—”

“You’d think that, all her talk of honesty and trust.” Hayden sighed deeply, pursing her lips in mock sympathy. “But she decided to keep you for herself, because she knew if she told you the truth, you’d do exactly what you did the last time you thought you had a wife.”

He clenched his fists in the pockets of his coat. “I don’t have a wife—”

“Oh, I know you had Diane Miller go through a great deal of legalities to ensure when you walk down the aisle in two weeks, that you’re free to do so. But it doesn’t change things.” Hayden stepped towards him. “You have a wife. And a son. You have a nephew. A mother. A best friend. You had a life here in Port Charles—and Elizabeth helped steal it from you.”

“We’re done here—”

“You know who I’m talking about, Jake Doe. You know who you were—” Hayden called. “How long do you think you can run from it?”

But he ignored her and stalked away. Because it couldn’t be true.

He wasn’t Jason Morgan.

And Elizabeth couldn’t have known. Couldn’t have kept that from him.

He put it all out of his head as he turned down her street, walked past the home Sam shared with Patrick Drake and their children.

He stepped up to her porch, opened the door and stopped in his tracks.

Elizabeth’s five year old son was sitting on the floor by the couch, tears streaming down his face. “She won’t wake up,” he told Jake, his words tumbling over each other. “I c-can’t make her phone work—”

Jake hurried around the sofa, only to find Elizabeth crumpled between the coffee table and the sofa, her small delicate body four months gone with their child.

And suddenly, he remembered.

He remembered the last time he had found her like this.

On a stormy night, when their son had been born.

“Mommy!” Aidan’s frantic cries broke through Jake’s haze. “Wake up!”

He took the phone from him and dialed 911.

Everything else would have to wait.

2
Is it safe to love you?

He was standing outside a cubicle in emergency room when Michael found him nearly an hour later.  Paramedics had rushed past him, barked something Jake could hardly take in as they lifted Elizabeth onto a stretcher, her head rolling to the side as they strapped her in.

He had held Aidan as he cried, reaching for his mother.  Had numbly handed Aidan to Patrick, who had seen the ambulance from his house across the street and rushed over.

Patrick’s promises to look after Aidan and Cameron while Jake took Elizabeth’s car to the hospital felt hazy, but he knew Elizabeth would be concerned about her children.

He had called Michael, a reflex he recognized now from his old life. He couldn’t call Sam—there was too much swirling in his head for that contact. Carly might have been a runner up, but she had flown to London to accompany Joss on a visit to her father.

And Sonny was out of the question.

“Jake, hey.” Michael approached him, concerned but maybe even slightly puzzled. He and Jake were relatively friendly, but not people that should be called upon in an emergency.

“Hey.” Jake cleared his throat. He couldn’t stop thinking of himself as Jake, responding as Jake.

He was Jason, and yet though the memories had filtered in, he couldn’t get a handle on any of it. He was this man everyone had mourned, had cherished. Jason had had a wife, a son.

He knew all of these things, remembered all of these things, and still—

That life belonged to another man.

“I should—I hope I didn’t interrupt anything,” Jake said after a moment. “I—Your mom is out of town.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it.” Michael nodded to the cubicle. “They tell you anything yet? All you said was Elizabeth had to be rushed to the hospital. She and Sabrina are pretty close.”

“Yeah.” Jake cleared his throat again. “Um. They didn’t—she’s stabilized and awake. But they want to run some tests.” He shifted again. He didn’t know what he was feeling, how to sort through it.

Six weeks ago, Elizabeth had realized she was pregnant, and Jake had proposed. She had been hesitant, not wanting to marry for the wrong reasons, but he loved her. He thought it was a sign.

And all along, she had known.

It explained her hesitation, her strange somberness at times. She had been happy about the baby—they talked about maybe wanting a girl so Elizabeth wouldn’t be nearly as outnumbered. She’d had three boys, and he’d known she was thinking of her lost son.

Their lost son.

“I’m sure it’ll be okay.” Michael patted his shoulder. “Elizabeth is pretty stubborn. Nothing usually keeps her down long.”

“Yeah.” Jake rubbed the back of his neck and looked over at the curtain that separated them. “I know. I just—” He closed his mouth and shook his head.  “You mind if I ask you something personal?”

Michael frowned and nodded. “Sure. Practically the first time we met, I talked to you about my father’s murder.  If something is bothering you—”

“Your ex, Kiki.” Jake stopped. “She—she kept something back from you. Something life-altering.”

Michael’s face tensed, but he nodded. “Yeah. She and practically everyone I thought gave a damn about me. Told me it was for my own good.” Michael cast his eyes toward the cubicle. “Did you and Elizabeth have a fight?”

“Not—” He swallowed. “Not yet.”

“Hey…” Michael paused. “I know Elizabeth pretty well, you know. I mean, not just because she’s always been around my family. She was my aunt Emily’s best friend, dated my father a bit—and well, you know who she was to my uncle Jason.”

And didn’t he? Hadn’t he known her from the moment he opened his eyes?

“I know,” Jake said.

“I know she’s kept secrets before.” Michael shifted. “You know about her son. My cousin, Jake. She didn’t tell my uncle at first. Kept the truth from him for almost six months.”

And he could remember being in that elevator with her, a hazy memory of worrying they might not make it out alive—fury that she had lied, terror that everything would change.

And now sorrow that nothing really had.

“She mentioned it—”

“She did that because everyone in her life convinced her that it would be a burden for my uncle.” Michael’s voice tightened. “My mother jumped to a conclusion and then Sonny told her it was for the best. That my uncle’s life wasn’t right for a child. And Jason was starting to put things back together with Sam. They made her feel like the truth would ruin everything.”

And that’s why he had been able to look past it. To not think of it much. He had disagreed with her reasons, but had always understood how she twisted herself in a pretzel to protect others.

If she had kept this secret from him, she had had a good reason. What she believed to be a good reason.

“And my uncle forgave her,” Michael said after another moment. “Because he knew her inside and out.”

“How do you know any of that?” Jake asked—knowing he had never confided any of that in Michael.

“I got old enough to see my parents for who they were.” Michael shrugged. “I asked my mother about it once, and she was a mood to admit her mistakes. Thinks it was her fault Jason never had a chance with Jake. If he had been all in from the start, it might have been harder to walk away.” Michael shifted. “I have my little sister, now. AJ. I’ve had custody of her for the better part of a year. I can’t imagine how my uncle let Jake go.”

“He thought it was best for everyone,” Jake murmured. Though it was hard to make that argument now, with his son cold in the ground.

Michael frowned. “Jake, if you don’t mind me asking, what did Elizabeth keep from you?”

Jake hesitated. “If I told you, Michael, you might be obligated to tell other people. It just doesn’t affect Elizabeth and me.”

“Oh.” Michael paused. “You can trust me, Jake. I’d never do anything to hurt Elizabeth. I’d keep it to myself.”

“Thanks.” Jake looked at him now. “And I know that’s true. But I don’t want you to feel burdened by it. I don’t know what I want to do about it yet.”

The cubicle curtain slid open and a doctor gestured for Jake to join them. Before he did so, he looked to Michael. “Can you give Patrick a call? Cam and Aidan are at his house, and I know he’s worried. Tell him she’s okay, and I’ll call later.”

“Of course.”

Jake left Michael behind him, and crossed the cubicle.

He didn’t know what he was going to do about his past, but until he was sure Elizabeth and the baby was okay, he could afford to leave it there a little longer.

She was pale when he stepped the cubicle, her alabaster skin almost translucent. “Jake.”

“Hey.” Worry, love…it swamped him as he went to her side, taking her hand in his, pressing a kiss to her palm. Whatever reasons she’d had for not telling him the truth, it didn’t change the essential nature of the last year.

How, even before she’d known who he had been, Elizabeth had been the only person to stand by him without wavering.

“I’m sorry I scared you.” She licked her lips, a bit dry and cracked.

“Is there anything wrong?” Jake turned to the doctor. “Why did she pass out?”

“She’s dehydrated, for one.” The doctor flipped through a chart. “And showing signs of exhaustion.”

Elizabeth winced. “I’m fine—”

Jake squeezed her hand. “I asked you not to work double shifts anymore. You need to take care of yourself.” He looked back to the doctor. “And the baby?”

“Everything’s fine there.” The doctor made another notation in the chart. “We’re keeping you another few hours, to load you up with nutrients. I want you to take a few days—rest.”

“She will,” Jake said. “I’ll make sure of it.”

3
If you turn around and tell me it’s already over
Will you tear my heart up and tell me how sorry you are

It was almost a week before Jake was convinced Elizabeth would regain her usual energy and vigor. He had threatened to tie her to the bed if she so much as moved, and had enlisted Cameron and Aidan to keep a watch on her when he wasn’t in the room.

A week, and he couldn’t bring himself to do anything with the memories that had surfaced, with the words Hayden had thrown at him. He remembered how furious he had been all those months ago when he realized Hayden and Ric had been lying.

And yet, somehow, he couldn’t dredge up any of that righteous anger for Elizabeth.

Yes, she had lied. But what had she taken from him? If he had known the truth, would it have brought back his memories sooner?

Or would knowing had changed nothing? He had seen Sam in passing over the last week, watched her with Patrick, with Danny and Emma. He remembered now the way Elizabeth had stood on the stage at the Nurse’s Ball, trembling.

She had very nearly told the truth that night, and he could see her in his mind.

She had looked down at Sam and Patrick. And had changed her mind.

Maybe he would have remembered months ago, but maybe not. Maybe he had needed the terrifying sight of Elizabeth crumpled on the floor to remember how it had been once—that long ago night she had nearly died to bring Jake into this world.

And how it had broken her into millions of jagged little pieces when she’d had to let their son go.

He made an appointment with Kevin Collins, sure there was something wrong with him. He knew who he had been, but it didn’t change anything for him. And shouldn’t it?

Shouldn’t there be a sense that he wanted his old life back?

He stepped inside Kevin’s office, and the other man stood, offering a hand for him to shake. “Jake. I’m surprised to see you after all these months.”

“I’m surprised to be here,” Jake admitted. “But I—I just didn’t know who else I could talk to about this.”

Kevin gestured for Jake to take a seat. “The last time we talked, you had recovered from your surgery—in what, February? You’d had a memory flash, but nothing concrete. Have you remembered something more?”

“Yeah.” Jake hesitated, looked down at his hands. “I know who I’m supposed to be. And that Elizabeth—my fiancée, found out six months ago and said nothing.”

Kevin pressed his lips together and tilted his head. “That doesn’t sound like Elizabeth.” He leaned forward. “Why would she have done that?”

“Because I used to be Jason Morgan.”

Kevin blinked and leaned back. “Ah.” He touched his finger to his lips. “And Jason Morgan was married to Sam at the time of his so-called death. There’s a little boy, Danny. I can imagine Elizabeth, halfway in love with you, was hesitant to let you go.”

Was it as simple as Elizabeth seeing this as their chance to finally be on the same page? He remembered now, in the weeks before he had gone off the pier, that they had flirted with another chance—how she had told him they never seemed to be in the same place at the same time, but maybe this time, they could be.

“I don’t know if it was—” Jake cleared his throat. “I came home last week—after someone had told me Elizabeth knew the truth. I came to the house to talk to her about it, and she was unconscious on the floor. I—when she went into labor with Jake, I—I found her that way. She was bleeding then, and nearly died when he was born.”

“And that triggered your memories.” Kevin continued, “So Elizabeth doesn’t know yet that you know?”

“I didn’t—I couldn’t see talking to her about this until I knew she’d be okay. The baby—that comes first. Elizabeth has had enough problems with her children—two miscarriages, the difficult birth with Jake. Kidnapping—” Jake shook his head. “I know I have a responsibility to sort out my life, to sort out what came before. But not at the expense of the child we’re having.”

“That makes sense. Your priorities are in order.” Kevin hesitated. “You’re planning to get married in a week. Have you pushed the ceremony back?”

“Not yet,” Jake admitted. “It was going to be small anyway, just family and friends—at the Metro Court.” He paused. “There’s no legal reason I can’t do it. Diane Miller has ensured that Jake Doe is my legal name. As far as the state is concerned, Jason Morgan is dead and his obligations were dissolved at that time.”

“Legally yes.” Kevin tapped his pen. “Are you considering not taking back the reins of your old life?”

Jake stood and paced a bit, feeling restless. Trapped. Here was the question he had been considering all along. “What’s to take back?” he asked. “The woman I married is happy with another man. The son I didn’t know about is healthy, well-adjusted. Safe. I have a friendship with Carly, I could be closer to Michael if I wanted. I have a job I like, working construction for Michael and Ned.” He jerked a shoulder. “I have a fiancée who supported me even when the rest of the town believed me to be a psychotic violent criminal. She’s opened her family to me, is prepared to give me a child. What exists in Jason Morgan’s life that is better than what I have now?”

“Well, you say Elizabeth knows the truth. How did she find out? Are there others?” Kevin asked.

“Yeah,” Jake admitted. “Nikolas. He’s Sam’s cousin. He’s been antsy lately, even though he maneuvered his way into ELQ. Since Elizabeth and I announced the engagement, the baby—maybe he’ll feel obligated to come clean with Sam. And Hayden, the woman who posed as my life earlier this year. She was blackmailing Nikolas until he told her he didn’t care.” Jake exhaled slowly. “It would be impossible to keep this secret. I know that. But I—I don’t know if I want to be Jason Morgan again.”

Kevin frowned. “Why would you have to be?” He stood. “Jake, the fact that you know who you used to be— that your memories are more or less intact—it doesn’t change the last year.” He folded his arms. “You lost your memory once before and built a new life on those ashes. Do you remember now what it was like to start from scratch with Jason Morgan? Why you were so angry?”

“The Quartermaines,” Jake said after a moment. “They kept looking at me, wanting me to be someone I didn’t know. They wanted to fix me. The more they wanted me to be this paragon of virtue, the more I wanted to be anything but.

“And this time, when you woke with no memory?” Kevin asked. “Were you angry?”

“No,” Jake said slowly. “Frustrated—but there was no one there who knew who I was. No one pushing me to remember. Just—Elizabeth. Telling me to relax, that it might come back on its own or not at all.”

“Jason Quartermaine—the man you were born as—was generous, kind, selfless. Warm. Funny.” Kevin leaned forward. “The anger and bitterness at Jason Morgan’s core was a social construct. Created in the situation. You had the opportunity to shed those shields—shields and guards you created for good reason, but they were gone nonetheless. And now that I know who you were, Jake, I don’t see Jason Morgan. I see Jason Quartermaine.”

Jake blinked at him. “So you’re saying that’s why I’m hesitant to go back to what I was before. Because it’s not who I was supposed to be. This—what did you call it? Social construct? It was something I created to protect myself from the Quartermaines and their expectations.” He was quiet for a long moment, taking that in.

Was that it? Was that why it felt wrong to go back to being Jason Morgan? It was a skin he had shed because it was no longer useful and now…maybe it didn’t even fit.

He had been Jason Morgan, the way he had once been Jason Quartermaine.

And now he was neither of those men. He was both. He didn’t have Jason Quartermaine’s memories, but he could understand the point Kevin was trying to make. He had Jason Quartermaine’s nature, his personality.

“You should tell people who you were,” Kevin said. “Only because I don’t think you’ll be able to make the two sides of your life balance until you’ve resolved them. You used to be Jason Morgan, Jake. It’s okay not to live his life. Just don’t forget him. As for your problem with Elizabeth—”

“She’s everything to me,” Jake told him. “That’s why I can’t bring myself to talk to her about this. I already know—whatever reasons she had, however she justified it to herself, I’ll believe it, and I’ll accept it. I don’t want her to be upset, to twist herself around, and punish herself. She’ll do that, even if I’ve forgiven her.”

“Then let her off the hook.” Kevin leaned forward. “And don’t punish yourself for not wanting your old life. It’d be worse to go back to it out of obligation. You built something for yourself, Jake. It’s okay to enjoy it.”

[wpanchor id=”safepart2″]

4
Well, years play and memories stay and now I believe
That my heart will simply fall apart into so many pieces

Elizabeth was sitting up in bed, a sketch pad in her hands when Jake came home from his appointment with Kevin. Today was the last day of the week he had asked her to relax.

Any longer, they would have to postpone the wedding, though he wasn’t entirely sure they wouldn’t have to do that anyway.

She smiled at him, setting the pad aside. “Hey. I heard you come in with the boys. Are they doing their homework?”

“Yeah.” Jake perched on the edge of her bed, remembering the night after the Nurse’s Ball.

When they had made love for the first time, and he’d told her it had felt natural. Familiar. He knew why now—why the scent of her skin, the taste of her lips, the curves of her body had matched his.

How it hadn’t been awkward, how they hadn’t been nervous.

He’d thought it the first time they’d been together, but she’d known.

“Are you okay?” Elizabeth reached for his hands. “I’m fine. Sabrina came by just like you asked her. She took my vitals. I’m sorry—I should have listened about the double shifts, but I wanted the time after the wedding—”

“It’s not…” Jake paused, looking down at her hands, at the small, slim silver band with a minuscule diamond chip—he had taken a portion of his savings to buy her that—money he had earned at one of the ELQ subsidiaries Michael and Ned had managed to salvage in the wake of Nikolas’s hostile takeover.

He worked for the Quartermaines now. The irony of that fact swamped him for a moment before he could gather himself.

Once, he had given her money because he couldn’t be in Jake’s life, had bought her this home as if that would make up for the way he’d damaged her.

But she’d looked at this ring, this small and very nearly invisible ring, and she’d cried, her smile so luminous it could probably be seen for miles. And she done that, knowing their history. Knowing the way he had treated her.

Maybe that was why he couldn’t find anger for what she had done. In the scheme of things, he had done so much worse. Jake stood and walked around the bed, where a window overlooked the quiet street.

“Jake?” Elizabeth slid out from underneath the covers and followed him, clad a pair of sweat pants and an thin t-shirt advertising the previous year’s Nurse’s Ball. Her dark hair had grown long this last year, and now tumbled over her shoulders, falling in waves.

He turned to look at her, at her concerned expression, and he couldn’t stop himself. He lifted his hand to sift through her silky hair. He had always loved the way it felt slipping through his fingers. “I’m glad you’re growing your hair out. I always liked it this way.”

Elizabeth laughed lightly, her hand rising to wrap around her wrist. “You didn’t even know me when—” But she fell silent, and something crept into those beautiful eyes.

“I remember when you had it curled all the time,” Jake said after a moment, letting strands slid away from his fingers to fall against her shoulder. “But you never wore it that way again after that winter.”

“It was a perm that a pain to deal with—” Elizabeth’s throat was dry. “Jake—”

“I remember,” he said softly. “I know who I used to be.”

“I—” Elizabeth shook her head. Stepped back. “I don’t know—”

“And I know you’ve known for months.”

She closed her eyes, then wrapped her arms around her waist, where their child was just beginning to show. “Oh. God. Jake. I can explain—”

“I remember you standing there at the Nurse’s Ball—” He pulled one of her hands free. She felt like ice. “You started to say something but you stopped, then you looked down at Sam and Patrick and told that story about Robin instead.”

“Jake—” She swallowed hard. “I was going to tell you. I started to tell you a million times, but then I found out about the baby, and you—you wanted to get married.” She opened her eyes. “And I decided I couldn’t—I couldn’t take the chance you’d find out I knew.”

“Because I might walk away.” He pulled her a bit closer, sliding his hand up her arm. She was pale again, her eyes large in her face. “Like I did before. And you couldn’t count on me to not to leave our child. Because I’ve done that before, too. Elizabeth—”

“I was going to tell you,” Elizabeth repeated. “Because of Carly, and Michael. And Danny. And even Sam…but every time I opened my mouth, I saw you that last day—the day after Michael was shot.”

“When I broke our engagement.” Jake exhaled slowly. “And told you we could never be a family.”

“It wasn’t—I just—” She dipped her head. “I can’t—”

“You looked at Sam and Patrick, and you knew what you would put her through if you told the truth,” Jake said. “Because of Lucky.”

“Don’t—” Elizabeth bit her lip. “It’s true. I-I remember how guilty I felt when Lucky came home, when I wanted to love him the way I did once, and I just couldn’t. I never could again, because I loved you. You know that, that’s not—” She shook her head. “But that wasn’t the reason. Not really. It’s just how I let myself sleep at night, how I justified it—Patrick could love Sam and Danny. But it was mostly just me being selfish. I could be happy.” Tears slid down her cheeks as her voice broke. “I just wanted to be happy, Jake.”

“I know.  You should have told me,” Jake said. “We could have dealt with it together, but—” He rubbed his thumb over the gem of her ring. “I’m a little relieved to see you doing something like this for yourself for once.”

Elizabeth frowned, shook her head slightly. “I don’t—Jake, why aren’t you angry?”

“I’ve watched you, for years, twist yourself around trying to be something for other people.” He paused. “For Lucky, for Ric. For me. And not one of us ever valued you the way we should have—”

“Jake, you were always good to me—” Elizabeth started, but faltered.

“When I wanted to be. I remember who I was, Elizabeth, but I can’t find much to admire. I don’t like the way I walked away from you and our son, only to create a new family with Sam.”

“That’s not important anymore—”

“Do you know why I remembered? What made it happen?” When she shook her head, he continued. “I was leaving the Metro Court—I had packed most of my things, was just coming back to the house for the car. So I could move in. We wanted to do that before the wedding, so we could just start our lives. Hayden was waiting for me in the lobby. Nikolas had told her to get lost—whatever leverage she had was gone.”

“She knew.” Elizabeth pressed her lips together. “She must have—Nikolas told me the night of the ball, Helena had told him months before. Damn it. If I had known Hayden—Jake, I never would have let you be in the dark. I wouldn’t have wanted you to find out from her—”

“She told me that you had known,” Jake continued. “I went to the house after that. I didn’t want to believe it, even if it answered a lot of questions. But I walked in the house, and Aidan was crying.” His voice tightened. “And you were lying there, pale. Unconscious. The way I found you the night you nearly died giving birth to our son. I remembered most of it in that moment, but I put it aside. I had to make sure you were okay. For all the times I left you alone—walked away—”

“Jake—”

“And I decided to just put it away until you were rested, until we were up for this conversation.” He framed her face. “I was in love with you before I knew…” He hesitated, laughed a bit. “Before I knew you. That hasn’t changed.”

“But—” Elizabeth wrapped her fingers around his wrists, clinging just a bit. “Jake, you have to know that being you—since the Nurse’s Ball, it wasn’t about you being Jason. I was already halfway in love with you by then. For the man I already knew. Finding out who you used to be—that didn’t change anything for me. It just made it clearer.” Her eyes searched his. “I lied to you, but you—you make it sound like this is something we’re going to work through—”

“I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know how I’m going to make myself live with what I remember. How to merge who I was with who I am now, if I even want to.  But remembering everything else didn’t erase this last year, Elizabeth.”

“Oh, God…” She closed her eyes, leaning her head forward until it rested against his chin. “Jake—” She lifted her head. “Or should—should I call you Jason?”

“I don’t know.” He brushed his lips over hers. “I don’t know. Jason Morgan is legally dead. I’ve been Jake Doe for the last year. If it weren’t for Danny, I don’t even know if I’d come forward.”

“Jake, you—you were married to Sam,” Elizabeth said, her voice tight. “We—we have to tell her. And of course, you have to come forward for Danny…” She hesitated. “And if after that, you change your mind—”

“How many times have we done this?” he asked. “How many times have I asked you to marry me?”

“Um…counting this last time?” Elizabeth lifted a shoulder. “This might have been number six. I can’t—they blur together after a while.”

“I meant it.” He slid his hand through her hair again. “I love you. I have a lot to work through and I know—I have to talk to Sam, I have to give us both closure. But I don’t want you ever doubt how I feel about you again.” He pressed a hand to her belly. “We have a second chance, Elizabeth. You saw that last spring. I see it now. I’m not walking away. Not again.”

5
If you turn around and tell me it’s already over
Will you tear my heart up and tell me it just wasn’t meant to be

A day later, Jake stood on Sam and Patrick’s front porch, knowing Patrick was at the hospital, that Emma was at school—that Sam didn’t have to pick Danny up from pre-school for another few hours.

He was going to tell her he had his memories back. If it was necessary, he would even tell her why—but the fact that Elizabeth knew, had kept the truth for months—that would stay between them.

When Sam pulled open the door, she flashed a puzzled smile and stepped back to let him in. “Hey. What brings you by? You guys all ready for Saturday?”

“Ah, more or less.” Jake passed her and waited for Sam to close the door. “Ah, thanks, again. For watching Cam and Aidan so much this last week. Elizabeth really appreciated it.”

“It was our pleasure.” Sam arched a brow. “Is that why you’re here? To thank me?”

“No, I mean, yeah, but not entirely.” Jake slid his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “There’s—I guess there’s no easy to slide into this, so maybe doing it bluntly will work. I—I know who I used to be.”

Sam’s eyes widened, then she blinked. “You—you got your memories back? Wow. That’s…that’s unexpected.” She winced. “Oh. Oh, it’s nothing that’s going to make things complicated for you and Elizabeth, is it? I really like you guys together—”

“Um. Maybe.” He rocked a bit. “Sam—”

“Do you need me to research something? Some friends or family you remember, to check on them?” Sam started to cross the room where he could see a laptop sitting open at the breakfast nook table. “Not a problem—”

“Sam, I—” He closed his mouth as she turned back to him. “Jason. I was Jason. I mean, that’s who I was.”

She stared at him, then shook his head. “No. No. That’s not possible. Jason is dead.” But by the end of her statement her voice had faltered. Because she was realizing what he already had.

Why Danny had clung to him in the hospital. Why those ceramic dragons had felt so familiar.

“I—” She closed her mouth. “I don’t know what to do with that.” Sam shifted, fisting her hands at her side. “You’re standing there, telling me you’re my—” She closed her eyes. “Oh my God. The Cassadines were behind his kidnapping—that’s where Helena found you. Why Victor recruited you.” She dragged her hands through hair.  “Oh, my God. You—you could actually be him—”

Because she was still sliding through shock, Jake kept his distance. “I’m sorry, Sam. I didn’t—I know how to tell you. It’s not—it’s not like there’s a manual for this type of thing.”

“You’re not kidding.” She lowered herself to the arm of the sofa. “You’re Jason. God. That just—it explains everything. The way Elizabeth just—connected with you. And Danny. And why you’re able to put up with Carly.” Her eyes filled. “Oh, God. You’re Jason.”

“Sam…”

She stood. “Elizabeth—she must have—she must have lost it when you told her.” Sam stepped toward him. “Have you?”

“She knows I’ve remembered.” Uncomfortable now, Jake shifted, looked away. “She’s…worried about what it’ll mean.”

“Oh.” Sam closed her mouth. “Because you’re supposed to marry her in five days, and I guess you’re still technically married to me.” Her hand shook a little as she lifted it to slide through hair. “I thought—I used to think about this day. When you’d walk through my door, alive. I used to think about what I’d say to you, how we would live our lives—” She bit her lip and shook her head fiercely as he stepped towards her.

“But that was before you actually came back.” She opened her eyes. “And you have a different face. You might have Jason’s memories, but…” She pressed her fist to her mouth and took a deep breath. “I don’t see him when I look at you. You’re Jake.”

Jake exhaled slowly, the first easy breath he’d taken in days. “I know. I remember everything, but I don’t…I don’t quite feel like I’m that person anymore. I look at you, and I remember that we planned a life together but—”

“But that was then, and this is now.” Sam looked to fireplace, the mantle where a photograph of herself, Patrick and Emma sat from the Nurse’s Ball. Their smiling faces.  “I’m not that woman anymore.” She looked at him. “But we do have a son. And I think you should get to know him.” She waited. “But I need—I need to deal with this. Right now, I don’t see the man I was married to, but that could change. And I don’t—I have to let this sink in. Talk to Patrick.” Sam sighed. “He has more experience than I do in spouses that come back from the dead.”

“Sam, I don’t want to hurt you, but—” Jake stopped.

“You built a life for yourself, I get it.” Sam was pale, but continued. “I don’t know how I’m going to feel about this later. So let’s just—let’s just say…” She paused. “I hope, for all our sake’s, that if you choose this life with Elizabeth, that you’re doing it because it’s what you want not because you walked away from her before. That’s not doing any of us any favors.”

6
Will you turn around and tell me it’s already over

Cameron and Aidan were home from school by the time Jake returned from Sam’s. Elizabeth was settling them at the dining room table so that Cameron would work on math homework and Aidan could complete a handwriting exercise for his kindergarten class.

Jake stopped just inside the door to look at them. He fallen in love with them over the last year, living with them first just as a house guest, and then in the last six months as things had changed.

To look at them now, to remember them—particularly Cameron—as infants and small children…he accounted himself particularly lucky at this second chance to be in their lives. To be a part of their family.

“Hey.” Elizabeth straightened, her hand straying to brace her back. “Um. Guys, Jake and I are going to talk upstairs for a while. Cameron—”

“Keep an eye on Aidan and don’t burn down the house.” Cameron gave her thumbs up. “I got it Mom. I’m eleven now, you know. I’m practically grown up.”

“God, stop saying that.” She ruffled his hair as she passed him to meet Jake at the base of the stairs. He followed her up to the master bedroom, passing the room that had once been Jake’s but had been cleaned out to make room for a nursery. They were just waiting on finding out the sex.

Elizabeth left the door partially ajar, then turned to him. “Hey, so Carly called. I am—” She closed her eyes. “I told her we were postponing Saturday because I was still—because I’m still a bit under the weather.”

“Oh.” Jake nodded. “Yeah, I mean. I get it. I have to talk to Diane, see where we are—”

“I think…” Elizabeth twisted her fingers together. “How did—with Sam, I mean, how did it go?”

Jake frowned a bit—her eyes were tired and she was standing apart from him, unable to quite meet his gaze. “She was shocked. Upset. I don’t know. She was—a bit more practical about it all. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Oh,” Elizabeth murmured, but said nothing else.

“But maybe you really want to ask if I’ve changed my mind and decided to throw you over for her?” Jake asked.

Her head snapped up at that, a flush rising in her cheeks, but she lifted her chin. “That’s not—I mean—” She closed her eyes. “You told me you got your memory back because you found me lying on the floor, and it triggered that night with—with Jake. And you said you put everything aside until you knew I’d be okay.”

“Yeah,” Jake drawled, tilting his head. “I mean, you were unconscious on the floor, Aidan was crying. I suppose I could have shook you, tried to argue you with that way—”

“You—you decided once that a life me and the child we created wasn’t what you wanted,” Elizabeth cut in her, her eyes flashing now. “I don’t think it’s insane to wonder if the reason you say you’re not mad, if why you want to stay with me now is because you feel obligated, even guilty because of before.”

Jake scrubbed his hands over his face, an aggravated grunt escaping his lips. “Elizabeth—”

“If you had found out before I got pregnant,” Elizabeth cut in, “you wouldn’t have had your memory of Jake’s birth triggering everything else. I don’t want you to wake up in a month, in a year—and think I took away your choice—”

“Elizabeth,” he tried again, taking a step forward. “I don’t think—I wouldn’t—”

“Because I don’t want you to push aside your anger at me because I was ill. You said it yourself—I almost died giving birth to Jake. And you walked away from us anyway. I made a mistake—I should have told you as soon as I found out—”

“And I told you I forgave you—” He reached for her, but she twisted away.

“I took away your choices. I was selfish, and I told myself that I deserved to be happy. That it was worth lying to you, keeping you from the people you loved because I deserved it.” She pressed a hand to her chest. “I stood in that room, surrounded by people who always lie, cheat, steal—even kill to get what they want—and they get it. And I told myself this was a good lie, a righteous lie. I wanted to be happy, and I wanted you. So I lied.”

Tears were sliding down her face but she wouldn’t let him make it go away. “You do deserve to be happy, and I want to give that you—”

“Do you?” Elizabeth asked, her voice thick. “Tell me, Jake. Can you honestly say you’d feel the same if we weren’t having another child?”

“I—” Jake stopped, and his hesitation seemed to seal the deal for her, because she just pressed her lips together and looked at the ceiling. He hurried to reassure her. “I just know how I feel today, Elizabeth, and I love you. I know you’re worried about Sam. I don’t blame you—but I looked at her, and she looked at me. Neither of us saw who we used to be. I don’t know if she’ll struggle with that—”

“I just—I want us to be sure,” Elizabeth said. “Because I’ll hate myself forever if you stay, and it’s not for the right reasons. What I did to you, Jake, the choice I made—” She pressed a hand to her belly. “I was no better than Ric.”

“That’s not even—” But she stepped further back when he approached her again.

“It is true, and you should see that.” Elizabeth shook her head. “He thought he could make me happy, that because he wanted me, it justified everything he did to get there—he lied to me, he lied to you. He made you believe in a life that wasn’t yours. How is it any different?”

“It just is.” Jake planted a hand against his chest. “I get to decide what’s fair to me, don’t I? I wish you had told me, but Christ, Elizabeth, in that moment, on that night? I’m not surprised you made the choice you made—”

“Stop making this okay for me!” she shot back. “I was wrong. I lied to you. I made a selfish choice that kept you from your family, from your son, your wife—”

“Just…” Jake finally managed to his hands on her arms, to draw her closer. “Just stop. You are my family, Elizabeth—”

“I just—” She bit her lip, the fight fading as quickly as it had risen. “I love you. And I wish I could be the kind of person who could just accept your forgiveness and move forward, but I can’t. Jake, my track record with commitment is just…it’s horrible. Two devastating marriages, that affair with Nikolas, everything you and I went through before—I can’t commit myself to another unhealthy relationship—”

“You are not walking away from me—” Jake shook his head. “Look, okay. Maybe we’ll both feel better if we take a step back. It’ll probably take some time to unravel the legalities again. And I should—I should be fair to Sam, give her more time to process. To decide what we’ll do about Danny.”

“I’m not—” Elizabeth looked down, her shoulders slumping. “I’m not closing the book on us, Jake. I couldn’t. I love you, but I—we both deserve to be sure we’re in this for the right reasons.”

He exhaled. He’d known she’d punish herself, but he hadn’t seen this coming. “I’ll call Carly—maybe my room is still open.” He’d only officially moved out of the hotel a week and a half ago. “Elizabeth, maybe you don’t like the reasons I’m not angry, that I forgave you—but it’s not up to you. It doesn’t matter to me how we got this point.”

She was quiet as he covered the slight swelling of their child. “I love you. I love your boys. And I love this baby. Those are just facts, and you don’t get decide they’re not true.”

“I don’t doubt any of those things,” she said softly. “But I’m afraid to trust them.”

“So we’ll wait until you’re not.” He framed her face in his hands, touching his mouth to hers, drinking in her scent, the way she tasted. The way she felt just right against him.

“From the moment I woke up in that hospital,” he said, pulling back slightly, “you were all that I could see. All that I felt connection with. It matters that I felt it with you, and not with anyone else.”

7
Will you tear my heart up and tell me how sorry you are

He found Carly in the lobby of the hotel, standing by the reception desk, giving the fish eye to one of her employees. She had been home a day or so, but it was the first time since his memories had returned that he’d seen his old friend.

Carly must have felt his eyes on her, because she turned and flashed him a sad smile—right, Elizabeth had told her the wedding was postponed. She made a gesture at the employee, then approached him.

“Hey, I talked with Elizabeth earlier.” She rubbed his arm. “I thought she was feeling better, but I get it. Better to be healthy and enjoy the day. As long as you don’t pick Christmas Eve or New Year’s, the room is yours—”

“Yeah.” Jake hesitated and caught Michael stepping off the elevators. “Actually, if I could talk to you and—” he raised his voice slightly. “And Michael.”

Carly blinked and looked to her left as her son slowly approached them, hesitation etched in his face. “Michael. Hey.”

“Hey. I was just meeting with a client in the restaurant.” Michael slid his hands in his pockets. “Everything okay?”

“I need—there’s something I need to tell the both of you.” Jake looked to Carly. “Can we maybe talk in your office?”

Carly opened her mouth, but nodded and gestured for them both to follow her.

Once they were in the office, she closed the door. “Jake, is everything okay?”

“I—” Jake stopped. “You’d think this would get easier to say, but…” He leaned against Carly’s desk. “My memories—they came back. I know—I know who I am. Or who I was.”

Carly gasped. “Oh my God, Jake, that’s wonderful—” Then she stopped. “Oh, no, is that why the wedding is off? Are you actually married after all? Oh, God. Poor Elizabeth. Another married man—”

“Mom—” Michael held up a hand. “Maybe you could let Jake clarify.” He met Jake’s careful gaze. “Because there’s a reason he’s telling us together.” He swallowed. “Jake, there’s something—there’s something I’ve wondered. For months. But I thought—there’d be more signs.”

“Michael, what are you talking about?” Carly demanded.

“Sam told me about six months ago that—” Michael swallowed. “And the Cassadine connection. You know? A-And you picked the name Jake. You and Elizabeth—then last week, when we were talking about him—”

“Michael, it sounds like—” But Carly stopped and turned to him, her face blank. “Oh…Oh my God. Oh, my God. Jake.”

“”When I went home that day,” Jake said, keeping his eyes on Michael. “I found Elizabeth on the floor, just like I had before. And it was like my mind put the two images together. It all came back—I could barely breathe. I was still—”

“Oh, God…” Carly stumbled forward, tears sliding down her cheeks. “Jason. You’re Jason. Oh, God. How didn’t I see that before? I dumped my problems on you from the moment I met you—” Her voice was low, almost whispering, as if the words were too painful.

She lifted her arms, almost as if to embrace him, but stopped at the last moment. “I can’t—oh, God, Michael…what if this is a dream?”

“Carly—”

And then she wrapped him in such a tight embrace. “Jason. It’s you. I missed you so much, and I tried so hard to replace you. I tried Felix, he’s adorable, but not right, and then there was you, and you fit. I should have seen it—it fit because it was always you—”

“Mom, you’re…you’re babbling now,” Michael said, looking a bit dazed. He drew her back. “I—I can’t…I wondered, but I can’t…”

“I wanted to tell you before, at the hospital,” Jake said. “But I just—I wanted to talk to Elizabeth first—I had to make sure she was okay—”

“Of course—” Carly’s eyes flashed. “Oh. Oh. Sam. And Danny. Oh, this is—this is all just a mess, but—” She pressed a hand to her mouth. “Oh, God, Jason—”

“I’m sticking with Jake for the moment,” Jake interrupted. “I just—I don’t feel like Jason Morgan. I have—I have the memories but—”

“Of course.” Carly closed her eyes. “I’ll call you whatever you want—I should, I should call Sonny—”

As she started past him, towards the phone, he stopped her. “I—I want to deal with Sonny in my own time. I’ll tell him but I don’t—I don’t know what to feel about him.”

Carly blinked. “But—”

“After what happened last year—” Jake looked at Michael. “What he put you through—and then he and I didn’t get off to a great start. Pretty sure he threatened to kill me.”

“He didn’t…” Carly’s protests died weakly. “Okay. I won’t—I won’t call him. Jas—Jake—”

There was a knock on her door, and an employee poked her head in. “Ms. Jacks, we need you on the floor—”

“In a minute,” Carly snapped. The door shut and she looked back at him. “Jake—”

“I need my old room for a while,” Jake said, not wanting to get into the Sonny situation. “Elizabeth and I—we’re just taking a step back. It’s a lot for her to deal with, for me. And…yeah.”

“Of course. I’ll get it ready—” Carly reached forward. Touched his arm. “There’s nothing that can’t be worked out. You’re here. You remember. Everything else is secondary, because damn it, Jason, you’re alive.”

“Mom—” Michael said, with an exasperated sigh.

“Jake, right, right, I’ll remember.”

Carly left to deal with the crisis on the floor, while Michael remained, studying Jake. “Is that what you were talking about before? About Elizabeth knowing?”

Jake nodded. “She found out at the Nurse’s Ball. Nikolas told her.”

“Ah.” Michael dipped his head. “It’s a pretty big secret to keep—”

“Only if you’re standing where you are.” Jake lifted a shoulder. “I’m working through it in my head, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t change anything for me.”

“Well, you get to feel how you want to feel…” Michael shrugged. “You taught me that. No one else can decide for you.” His eyes filled then, and he looked eye, blinking rapidly. “I know what my mom means—the signs were there. I met you, and immediately dumped my problems on you, too.”

“I wondered why you, Carly, and, especially, Elizabeth felt so familiar. Why it was so easy to be around any of you.”

“But not my father. Or Sam.” Michael frowned a bit. “I guess you can’t predict what your brain will hold on to.”

“No,” Jake said after a moment. “You really can’t.”

8
Is it safe to love you?
Is it safe?

Jake and Elizabeth stepped out of her obstetrician’s office a few weeks later, an ultrasound photo in Elizabeth’s hands. Jake’s hand was at her waist, as if guiding her away from anything that might hurt her.

Not much had changed these last few weeks—he’d moved back into the hotel, but still spent time with the boys. Still managed to see Elizabeth once a day, to make sure she understood she and their family was his priority.

Michael and Ned had leapt on the revelation of Jake’s identity to begin challenging Nikolas’s stake of ELQ stock—because Jake hadn’t been there to vote, and there was talk of reporting Nikolas to the SEC for unethical business practices. He’d known Jake’s identity and said nothing.

Jake told them to do whatever they need to do, and he’d vote their way when the time came. He and the Cassadine prince were all but enemies at this point—he could never forgive Nikolas for keeping the truth, for putting Elizabeth in the position to be truth teller, for letting Hayden loose on them all—

He and Sonny had had a general meeting of the mind. Jake told him that once Diane had sorted out the legalities, Jake wanted nothing to do with the business. He was out, and Sonny agreed—too much time had passed and whatever loyalty Jake had felt as Jason Morgan to Sonny Corinthos had dissolved with the way the other man had torn apart Michael’s life.

But even as Jake was trying to reconcile the disparate sides of his new and old lives, two aspects remained unresolved. Sam and Patrick hadn’t spoken of Jake’s identity to him, or to Elizabeth. Cameron and Emma were still as friendly as ever, but Patrick was the go-between with Elizabeth, never Sam.

Jake didn’t know what would happen with Danny—if Sam would be able to allow him into their son’s life.

And if he didn’t know if Elizabeth could trust him to stay.

But today, he wasn’t going to think about any of those things. Today, she’d been given a clean bill of health—and they’d learned the gender of their child.

“Another boy,” Elizabeth murmured as they paused by the waiting area. “I’ll have three boys again.”  She looked at him. “Can you—I forgot to ask inside—can you see the baby on the ultrasound? You used to have such trouble—”

He liked that she had forgotten this aspect of his old self. The more time he spent with Elizabeth, the more he realized that what was between them now was only enhanced by their history—not entirely part of it. She didn’t just see him as Jason Morgan but he really was Jake Doe to her.

“My brain’s been jostled so much,” Jake told her, “I think that part of it must been fixed. I can see him just fine.”

Elizabeth tried to suppress a smile. “You shouldn’t joke about your brain issues. I’ll be relieved if you never have to have your skull opened again—”

“You’re not kidding.” He plucked the photo from her. “So, what are we going to name this kid? Are we going to follow the trend around Port Charles and name him for someone we like, or does he get his own name?”

Elizabeth smirked. “Not hard to see where you’re at on this. I don’t know…” She trailed off as Sam approached, her hand in Danny’s. “Sam.”

“Hey.” Sam looked at them both, then at the ultrasound photo in their hands. “Ah, Patrick told me you had an appointment today, so I thought—”

She knelt in front of Danny. “Hey, buddy, remember what we talked about out? How our friend Mr. Doe is actually your daddy, Jason?”

Danny nodded and turned his beaming smile on Jake. “Yep. Can I have a dog? Mama says no, but maybe you say yes.”

Jake bit back a bubble of laughter at this little boy whose priorities were simple. “Ah, I don’t think so. Not right now anyway.”

“Oh.” Danny frowned. “You think about it.” He looked at Elizabeth, with a considering you. “Mama says I get another brother or sister. I got both now, but I don’ know ‘em. Mama says they’re in heaven.”

He felt Elizabeth tense beside him, not at the implication that Danny was related to their son, but that Sam had taken the time to tell him. “Your mama’s right. You had an older brother, Jake. He would have loved you so much.” She pressed a hand to her belly. “But you’ll have another one in about four months, maybe just before your birthday.”

“Awesome.  I make him do stuff.”

Even Sam laughed at that, then caught her brother as he passed. “Ah, can you keep an eye on Danny for about ten minutes?”

“Sure.” Lucas hefted his nephew in his arms, eyed Jake and Elizabeth before rounding the corner, Danny waving over his shoulder. “Bye, Daddy!” he called.

Jake’s breath caught—no child had called him that since Michael. Not even his first son. Elizabeth touched his arm. “You okay?”

“Yeah, um…” He looked to Sam. “Thank you. I—I know we haven’t talked—”

“By design.” Sam shifted. “I still—I don’t know what I’m feeling about all of this.” She crossed her arms, then uncrossed them, as if she didn’t know what to do with them. “I mean, it seems like it should be simple. You—you were my husband. I thought you were dead. Maybe for some people, it would make sense that we—that we would go back to that. Try to be that again.”

“Sam—”

Her eyes were damp, but she shook her head, holding up her hand to ward off his words. “And I’d be lying if I said that part of me doesn’t wish for it. That we could turn back time and be those people again, because part of me wants it for Danny. But it’s not the right choice.” She pressed her fist to her chest. “I’ll always love you, for how you changed my life and made me better. But I have a new life now, and Patrick—we have a family. We are a family.”

“I know,” Jake murmured. “And going back isn’t an option.”

Sam looked to Elizabeth. “And maybe this is just another sign that it’s always been you two. I used to be terrified Jason would wake up one day and realize what he’d sacrificed for me, for our relationship. That he’d realize it was you.”

“Sam—”

“When he woke up and saw you, before he knew who you were, who he was—it was you.” Sam nodded. “I can live with that.  I can live with knowing that it wasn’t a lack in me, that it wasn’t my fault. He loved you, and he loves you now.” She rubbed her hands together. “Um, we’ll work Danny’s visitation out at some point. Maybe ease into it slowly. You know? I just—I have to go.”

And she was gone, following in the wake of Lucas and Danny.

“Are you okay?” Jake asked Elizabeth, turning to face her fully. “I—”

“She’s right, you know.” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “It was always you, for me. I tried other people. I might have even settled for Ric last spring if you’d really been Jake Barnes. But I wouldn’t have been happy. I loved you then, and I love you now.”

“What—” Jake took her hands in his. “Does that mean we’re ready to put our plans back on track? Because I haven’t changed my mind. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

He pressed his lips to hers, but drew back, remembering they were still standing in the middle of the hospital waiting room. “Maybe we should get married here,” he told her as they moved towards the hospital. “I fell in love with you again here.”

“I’m not getting married where I work.” Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She held up the ultrasound of their son. “Let’s talk about something else. What are naming this kid?”

“I’ve always been partial to Eugene.”

“Oh…you have not…”

He eventually returned to using the name Jason Morgan, and he married Elizabeth just after Valentine’s Day—not in the hospital chapel, but the ball room at the Metro Court.

And when they brought their son into the world in early April, they eventually settled on David Jacob Morgan.

And they never looked back.

Is it safe to love you?

December 19, 2014

Timeline

On November 25, 2014, Michael informed Carly that he was changing his name from Michael Corinthos III to Michael Quartermaine. Carly lost her shit and told him that Jason had named him that (doing an excellent guilt trip since they thought Jason was dead at that this point). This was right after Michael learned that Sonny had murdered AJ, and that pretty much everyone he loved knew the truth and was lying to him.

Inspiration

When Carly uttered that complete bullshit of a guilt trip, I nearly broke my television. How like Carly to white wash a history that no one else was present for. And then I started to wonder–how much does Michael really know about the year he spent with Jason? And who is left that will tell him the truth?


Banner Here

 Tell the truth, or someone will tell it for you.


When Elizabeth Webber opened her door three days before Christmas, she did not expect Michael Corinthos III—no, Michael Quartermaine—to be standing on her doorstep. She frowned and stepped back slightly. “Michael?”

“I’m sorry to just…show up like this,” Michael said, shifting uncomfortably on the porch. “I called the hospital and they said you weren’t on the schedule—”

“I’m wrapping the last of the gifts while the boys are at school.” Elizabeth stepped back and gestured for him to come in. “Then I can take them to my grandmother’s and hide them until Christmas Eve. Cameron nearly found my hiding place in the attic last year.”

They stood on her landing, somewhat awkwardly as Michael glanced around a bit more. “And your houseguest? Jake?”

“Out looking for a job again.” Elizabeth waved a hand. “Do you want to take off your coat?”

“Oh. Yeah.” He stripped the long black coat from his shoulders, revealing the charcoal suit underneath. She smiled, taking the coat, and hanging it on the post next to the door.

“AJ would love that you’re the CEO now,” she murmured. She gestured towards the table where she had set up her wrapping station so that he could join her. “But he’d be worried that you’re taking on too much.”

“I should have come earlier,” he told her. “To see how you were dealing with what happened—” He swallowed. “You…and Sonny used to be friends—”

“That hasn’t been the case in a very long time.” Elizabeth tucked a leg underneath her to give her some height at the table as she reached for her roll of tape. “I wanted to be surprised at what happened, but mostly, I was just sad.” She stared at the strip. “For you. For all that you lost.”

“That’s why I’m here.” Michael leaned back in the small dining chair. “I…recently decided to change my name to Michael Alan Quartermaine. A name I should have had all along. My—” he grimaced. “My mother was there when I signed the papers and said that…” He swallowed. “Jason chose to name me Michael Corinthos, after Sonny.”

Elizabeth frowned, but bit her lip and looked away. “Michael—”

“There’s no one left I can ask who would have known that for sure.” Michael leaned forward now, his elbows on his thighs, his eyes on the ground. “I know Emily and Mike were my godparents, but they’re not around. I know Jason was sort of involved with Robin, but she’s not here either. And it goes without saying that Jason isn’t here either.” He straightened abruptly. “But you knew all those people. You and Emily were best friends, and I know you loved my uncle—”

“Michael, anything I know is second hand.” Elizabeth pulled a piece of wrapping paper over a white cardboard box and taped it. “And your mother would not appreciate me speaking out of turn—”

“I don’t care what she wants.” Michael rose, began to pace. “She’s always shaped the narrative, don’t you see? She and Sonny told me for years how awful AJ was, how evil. What a monster he was. But I finally had a chance to know him.” He turned to her. “You knew him, too. You saw him for who he was that last year. You knew him back then.”

“Sort of.” Elizabeth sighed. “Michael, I’m not one to cast stones at someone for choices they made in a difficult position, okay? You know the mess created by Jake’s paternity, the horror I went through with Aidan—”

“That’s why I know you’ll tell me the truth.” Michael shoved his hands in his pockets. “You’ve never lied to me, Elizabeth. Even when it was convenient. You never promised to stick by AJ, just that you would show up that day to give him some hope. And thank God you did, because he wasn’t guilty.”

“I know, and I was so glad to learn he knew the truth before he died.” Elizabeth set the tape down and got to her feet. “All right. I do know some things. Emily and I weren’t particularly close when you were born, but when AJ found out, we were friends. And I knew Jason after he’d surrendered custody—”

“Custody?” Michael repeated.

And Elizabeth had long-suspected that portion of Michael’s life had been kept from him. “I don’t know the specific reasons you ended up with Jason, why Carly left Tony, or why she hid the truth from AJ. I can only guess AJ found out there was a chance he was the father and told her he’d go after custody. She probably panicked.” Elizabeth twisted her fingers together. “She usually did her worst damage when she panicked.”

“That much I know.” Michael leaned against the back of the sofa. “She told me she went to Jason, that she begged him to look after me because she couldn’t. Because of the post-partum.” He shook his head. “But why would he name me for Sonny? My mother didn’t even know him then—”

“He named you Michael,” Elizabeth confirmed. “Because you didn’t have a name and people were starting to worry. Jason had already dealt with the medical decisions after your heart defect, and Tony was threatening to call Social Services because he didn’t feel Jason was a fit parent—Jason knew if he kept putting off the simple things, no one would believe he was your father.”

Michael stared at her. “My father.”

“Jason named you Michael Morgan,” Elizabeth said softly. “Because the world believed you to be his. And he raised you for more than a year while Carly was dealing with her post-partum and then while she was in Ferncliffe after she shot Tony for kidnapping you. She told that lie to keep Tony and AJ from taking you from her. At least, that’s how I always understood it. And Jason agreed because he didn’t much care for the Quartermaines or Tony at that point. He thought Carly had a right to make her own choice.”

“She told me Jason named me for Sonny, but that was a lie—”

“It was a partial truth,” Elizabeth cut in. “Emily told Jason he should name you for someone that meant a great deal to him. So he chose Michael, because Sonny had been like a brother to him, maybe even a father. He’d given Jason a job, an identity when everyone else saw him as damaged. So yeah, Jason named you Michael, but you didn’t become a Corinthos until you were almost four years old.”

Michael exhaled slowly and looked away. “I knew it didn’t sound right, and I knew that Jason had cared for me when my mother couldn’t. I guess I never thought about what that meant—”

“I wasn’t sure if anyone had ever told you about that year with Jason.” Elizabeth approached him. “I was dating Lucky back then, who was living over Jason’s garage. And I remember seeing you with Jason and Robin. They loved you so much. It changed when Carly came home from the hospital.” She looked away. “Jason told me that Robin told the truth to protect him, because Carly would use you as a weapon to keep him around. It always drove Jason crazy that Robin hadn’t allowed him a choice in the matter.”

“Do you think Jason would have told me the truth one day?” Michael asked quietly.

“Yeah. And I’m not saying that because I have rose-colored view of him.” Elizabeth leaned against the back of the sofa as well. “I’m saying that because I knew him well enough back then. I don’t know about the chain of events, but I know Carly went to the Quartermaines to make sure she kept custody. That she accused Jason of kidnapping you, of making all the choices. Jason forgave her for that, mostly because I think he understood she hadn’t thought it through. Carly wanted to make sure no one took you from her.

“Like I was some kind of possession.” Michael looked at her. “So Robin left town, and my mother accused him of kidnapping.”

“And Alexis got him visitation,” Elizabeth said. “For months, Jason visited you. Until he realized that it would just confuse you as you grew older. That as much as he loved you, you weren’t his son. So he surrendered all rights to give you a chance to bond with AJ. To let you grow up without him.”

“You said you knew him after that?”

“It’s why we became friends.” Elizabeth glanced at her window table where a photo of herself and Jason sat. “I had lost Lucky—so I thought—and he’d lost you. We were both drifting. And found something in each other. Jason left town after that, though. I think Carly hadn’t quite given up the ghost and he knew she’d just keep using you—” She stopped. “Michael, this was so long ago—”

“My mother’s been using me all my life.” Michael straightened. “She used me to keep Tony, to keep Jason, to keep Sonny. She says she loves me, but I’ve never seen much evidence of it. She didn’t want me to lose Sonny, that’s why she kept this latest secret.” Michael’s face twisted. “Why doesn’t she understand? The moment he pulled that trigger and murdered AJ, I lost him. I didn’t even have to know the truth.”

“I’m so sorry, Michael,” Elizabeth murmured. “I hate that you’re going through this. And it would have broken Jason’s heart. But he wouldn’t want you to live with this…” She gestured. “Bitterness, this anger. That’s not what he wanted for you. He wanted you to belong to yourself, to grow up and make your own decisions.” She pressed a hand against his suit jacket. “He’d be proud of how you’re taking care of Monica. She’s buried all her children. Four of them. And she buried her boys twice.”

“I wish I could see him one more time,” Michael admitted. “I-I don’t know if I’m doing it right. If I’m—” He looked down. “Kiki and Morgan knew the truth. And they didn’t tell me. So I cut them out—”

Her heart ached for his young man, for the little boy she remembered. “Do you think that was the best decision?” she asked softly. “Or just something you had to do in the moment?”

“I…look at myself sometimes,” Michael admitted, “when I’m that angry and I see Sonny.” His dark eyes met hers. “After it’s over, after I’ve said these horrible things to Kiki, I tell myself to apologize. But I can’t. And then I just do it again.”

“It’s natural to feel betrayed,” Elizabeth told him. “And I don’t know if I should give you advice—I’ve done some awful things…” She hesitated. “But I don’t think Jason or AJ would want this to rule your life. Sonny plead guilty. He’s in jail, and he’s paying for his crime. Don’t destroy your life to punish him.”

“I just…they looked at me and lied to me,” he murmured. “I was looking for AJ’s killer, I thought Ava was guilty, and Kiki—she knew what this was doing to me—”

“It’s never a good idea to protect someone you love from the truth,” Elizabeth interrupted. “But that’s a lesson that comes with time, with mistakes. Whether you forgive Morgan and Kiki—that’s up to you. But try not to let the anger eat you up, Michael. That’s what happened to Sonny.”

“Yeah.” Michael exhaled slowly. “Thank you. For telling me the truth—”

“That’s just the truth that I know,” Elizabeth said. “If Jason were here, he might tell you something entirely different—”

“Your truth is a lot more believable than my mother’s.” Michael awkwardly embraced her. “It’s just—I’m glad there’s still someone I can count on—”

“Of course.” Elizabeth kissed his cheek as he drew away. “You know that you can come to me any time. You’ve been part of my life since you were little, Michael. That doesn’t have to change because Jason and AJ are gone.”

Her front door opened then on a bitter and brisk wind. Jake stepped in, stamping snow from his feet. “It’s really starting to come down out there—” He stopped, seeing her standing there with Michael. “Oh. I’m sorry.”

“I was just leaving.” Michael squeezed her hand. “Thanks again, Elizabeth.” He nodded to Jake, drew on his coat and left. Jake closed the door behind him.

“Michael Corinthos right? I didn’t know you knew him.”

“Forever, it seems.” Elizabeth moved to the window and pushed aside the curtain, watching as Michael walked down the driveway to where a dark car was parked at her curb. “He just found out his adoptive father murdered his biological father, that his mother knew—” She sighed and drew back. “And that his uncle was once believed to be his father.”

Jake frowned. “Uncle? That was Jason, right?”

“Yeah.” She shook her head. “I wish he were here. Michael could use him right now.” She turned back to him after a long moment with a bright smile. “How did job hunting go?”

January 26, 2014

shadows


Inspiration

Shadows picks up shortly after the Port Charles Hotel fire in 2004. If you remember correctly, at first, Zander was assumed dead in the fire, murdered by a blow to the head, which it was revealed that Elizabeth had inflicted. This story assumes that first story was the truth, and deals with the fallout.

Timeline

It’s been about ten years since this storyline (!) so here are the pertinent details to remember about the rest of the characters: Elizabeth is pregnant with Cameron, she is still married to Ric, having remarried after the panic room. Carly and Sonny are in the middle of a very bad divorce. Jason and Courtney’s marriage is over, for reasons I don’t remember because I mostly pretend Courtney stopped doing anything after 2002, so I can still like her. Emily and Nikolas are together.

AJ is still out of town, having left after divorcing Courtney. (Without Lydia and embezzling money, because the head writer at the time, Bob Guza, was a dick and that was a stupid storyline. I’m a sucker for AJ). I’ve aged Michael for two reasons: storyline purposes and the kid in the picture below is my younger version of the current Michael (not Chad Duell, but Jackson Bond, a blonde-haired, brown-eyed boy who looks a lot like him)


Characters

elizabeth Jason Morgan carly michael_teen
ric aj mac

Chapters