Back in 2003, there was a Write By Request challenge at The Canvas. You could sign up to get a story prompt and also submit your own. I don’t remember who sent me the prompt, but mine was to “clink-boom the Morgan-Matthews wedding” — i.e. the famous clink-boom from May 31, 1996 when Lily was blown up in the car bomb at the same time Jax and Brenda were getting married.
Timeline
Set in June 2003. Jason and Courtney are getting married, Elizabeth and Ric have already gotten married and she’s miscarried the baby. They’ve moved into the house.
Banner
There was stillness in the air around her. As she stood outside the church and rubbed her bare arms absently, she found herself staring up at the stars in the dark night sky.
The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if he was happy. He’d done the right thing, he’d proposed, dressed accordingly and he seemed okay with the whole ordeal.
But okay was a far cry from happy, and for the first time, she had a second thought about one of her plans and she wondered if she’d forced this on him.
He’d never really understand her reasons for pushing this marriage. He’d just shake his head and think she was silly. He’d never say the word silly, but he’d think it.
The truth was that Carly Corinthos had found her first female friend since Carly Roberts in high school. And she wanted to make sure that Courtney would always be around. She wanted to be sure that she wouldn’t lose another friend.
She sighed and glanced towards the doors of the church. As usual, she’d been so absorbed in her own emotions—her own plans, she hadn’t stopped to think about the person this plan effected. Yes, Courtney wanted it but did Jason?
It was too late to second guess that decision now, she decided. She stared up at the sky once more.
“Carly?” Jason asked, touching her shoulder. “Are you going to come inside?”
“Yeah, I’m coming. Just wanted a minute to myself.” She turned and they only took one step towards the church before it exploded.
—-
Elizabeth Webber Lansing moaned and moved her head a little to the side. It felt so heavy. She finally lifted it from the couch and slid into a seated position, clutching her afghan to her chest.
The sunlight was streaming through the windows, making her head hurt. She pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. Drinking wine had never made her feel like this before.
She wrapped the blanket around her more securely, tucking one end inside to keep it wrapped as she stood and stumbled into the bathroom.
After a long hot shower and a strong cup of coffee, she felt a little bit more human. She hated coffee, but she found it was the best thing to wake her up in the morning.
She started to straighten up the living room, but it was only when she noticed Ric’s practically untouched champagne glass that it dawned on her husband was absent.
“That’s strange,” she murmured. Ric was taking the summer off before he opened a law practice in Port Charles. He was rarely gone when she woke up and when it did happen, he always left some sort of note.
“I wonder where he went…”
—-
For a second, Carly panicked. She opened her eyes and saw nothing. Pure white light, blinding almost. She blinked rapidly and tried to take a deep breath, only to feel a choking sensation from the tube in her throat.
“Carly, Carly, calm down!” a familiar voice called. “Honey, deep breaths, deep breaths.”
Sonny, she tried to say. She opened her mouth to form the word over and over again and started to actually choke on the word. Where was Sonny? Why wasn’t he here? Why couldn’t she see anything?
“Carly, calm down!”
After another moment, Carly stopped struggling and slipped back into sleep.
—-
Bobbie Spencer exited her daughter’s hospital room and started to cry. The tears were a slow trickle at first but soon the sobs racked her body and she slipped to the floor, wrapping her arms around her side.
“Aunt Bobbie?” Lucky’s voice broke through her misery. He crouched and drew his shaking aunt into a tight embrace. “Are you okay? Is Carly okay?”
“She’s out again,” Bobbie choked out. “But all I can think about is the fact that I’ll have to tell her that her family is gone!”
“It’s okay,” Lucky murmured, “it’s okay.”
—-
Emily Quartermaine stared blankly ahead, not feeling the warm arm Nikolas had around her shoulder. She didn’t realize that he’d guided her to a chair or that he’d sat next to her. She didn’t see her shaken grandfather sitting across from her and she didn’t even realize just how close she and her family had come to death.
“That poor girl,” Edward murmured. He shook his head. “That poor, poor girl.”
Monica and Alan emerged from the trauma room where Jason Morgan was being prepped for surgery. Edward lunged to his feet, followed by Nikolas. Emily didn’t move—she couldn’t move.
“We stopped the worst of the bleeding,” Monica said in relief. “He’s going up for surgery, but he’s stable.”
Edward let out the breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. Jason had been in surgery most of the night and his heart had stopped twice, but now he was stable and they were just going to try and correct some of the damage done to his arm.
Nikolas turned to crouch in front of his friend and took her cold hand in his. “He’s okay, Em,” he murmured softly. “He’s okay.”
“Somebody has to call AJ,” Emily said. Her voice was empty, her face was blank. “He needs to know about Michael.”
“I’ll call him,” Nikolas promised. “Do you need anything? Are you feeling all right?”
She shook her head. “This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life,” she whispered. “And a broken gas pipe has killed everyone he loves.”
“Not everyone,” Nikolas reminded her, firmly. “He’s still got Carly, he’s got you. He’s got Monica and Alan, Lila. Not everyone was in that church.”
“He loved Michael so much,” Emily whispered brokenly. “And Sonny was his brother, he loved them both so much. Oh, God and Courtney…he was going to marry her…”
“Em,” Monica said gently. “Maybe you should let Nikolas take you home.”
Emily’s eyes snapped up and there was signs of life for the first time. “What? No. I can’t.”
Nikolas hesitated and looked up at Monica. “Elizabeth’s husband was injured as well. Do you know anything his condition?”
“He was pronounced dead at the scene, I believe,” Alan remarked sadly. “The poor young girl. She just lost her child.”
“Ric was there?” Emily asked, surprised. “What was Ric doing there?”
“I don’t know,” Nikolas answered. “I’m just surprised no one’s heard from Elizabeth. Did anyone even call her?”
“Someone should,” Emily decided quietly.
“I’ll do it,” Nikolas promised. “Do you have her new number?”
Emily’s eyes filled with tears for the first time. “No…oh, God, I don’t.” She buried her head in her hands and started to sob.
—-
Elizabeth switched the television on as she folded up the afghan. She had a knot in her back from sleeping on the sofa—they spent too many nights on that piece of furniture for her liking.
“The number of dead is still far from confirmed,” a reporter was saying, “but nearly everyone in the wedding party was killed with the exception of Jason Morgan and Carly Corinthos who were outside the church when the explosion occurred.”
Elizabeth stared at the screen in shock as the cameras were panning the destruction of the church.
“Authorities don’t believe there was any connection between Sonny Corinthos’ alleged ties to organized crime. All preliminary investigation points a faulty gas mane in the church basement.”
The church had exploded. Wedding party dead. Courtney. Sonny. Suddenly frantic, Elizabeth was dialing the hospital line. Nikolas and Emily were supposed to attend the wedding. Oh, God, what if something had happened to them?
“The Quartermaine family was lucky to just be arriving as the explosion occurred. Other than some minor burns and some bruising, the family is said to be in good condition. European prince Nikolas Cassadine was a guest of Emily Quartermaine and he is said to be fine as well.”
Elizabeth started crying in relief as she realized that meant Nikolas and Emily were okay. She hung up the phone, slipped into a pair of sandals and flew out the door, leaving the television on.
“Authorities have confirmed that Richard Lansing, Sonny Corinthos’ half brother, was pronounced dead at the scene. That brings the total number of confirmed dead to six.”
—-
Elizabeth didn’t even wait for the elevator doors to open all the way before she slipped through them and rushed down the hall to the surgical waiting room. She’d been told in the lobby that the Quartermaines were waiting for news on their grandson.
“Thank god you’re all right!” she cried, pushing herself into Emily’s arms. “I heard it on the news!”
Emily started to cry again. “Oh, God, you don’t know.”
“I don’t know what?” Elizabeth demanded frantically.
“Elizabeth,” Ned Ashton said, putting his hands on her shoulders and tried to guide her to a chair. “You might want to sit down.”
“Why?” Elizabeth asked fearfully. “What’s wrong?”
“Ric was found at the scene,” Emily whispered painfully.
“R-Ric?” Elizabeth sputtered. “He wasn’t invited. Sonny hates him. What was he…” Suddenly it clicked. Found. “Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. He’s dead, isn’t he? Oh my God.”
She clutched her trembling hand to her lips, muffling the moans. “Oh, God.”
“Nikolas, get her some water or something,” Ned directed. “Here, Elizabeth, sit down. Take deep breaths.”
—–
When Carly woke for the second time, the blinding white was still there, but the breathing tube had been removed. “Mama? Sonny?” she moaned.
Carly slipped back into sleep and Bobbie rested her head on the edge of the bed. Jesus Christ. How was she supposed to tell her that Sonny and Michael were dead?
—-
Elizabeth was still seated in the same chair Ned had pushed her into an hour earlier. Nikolas had pressed a cup of coffee into her hands and she’d drank it, even though she hated the taste.
Logically, she knew there were things to be done. Paperwork, Ric’s body…but she couldn’t will herself to move for the moment.
Dimly, she head Monica report to the rest of the family that Jason was out of surgery. He’d been thrown back by the force of the blast, his body had covered Carly’s, shielding her from the worst of the debris.
She heard the Quartermaines talk to each other in relieved tones when it became clear their prodigal relative would be just fine.
She knew that Emily was still sitting next to her and at some point and time, Lucky had found her. But she wasn’t aware of much right then.
“Someone needs to take her home,” Monica told Emily, pulling her aside.. “But she shouldn’t be alone.”
Dillon, who could never resist a chance to eavesdrop, spoke up. “Why doesn’t Em just bring her back to the house?”
“That’s a great idea,” Emily decided. “Thanks, Dillon.” She kissed his cheek and went back to her friend.
Monica patted Dillon affably on the shoulder. “You’ve got a good heart,” she told him. “Don’t let this family suck it out of you.”
“Honey, you’re going to come with me tonight, okay?” Emily said softly.
“Okay,” Elizabeth said dully.
“I’m just going to go see Jason before we go. Do you want to come with me?” Emily asked.
Elizabeth blinked. “Jason? What?” She cleared her throat and rubbed her temple. “I’m sorry, Emily. I forgot that…Jesus, is he okay? I didn’t even think about it.”
“It’s okay. Come with me. I’ll fill you in on the way to the room.”
—-
Elizabeth sighed. “Poor Carly. To wake up and find out that your husband, your son, your sister-in-law, your father-in-law…I can’t imagine what she’s going through.”
“I think you can a little,” Emily said softly. She stopped in front of Jason’s intensive care room. “Besides, I don’t even think she knows yet. Bobbie told us she’s been in and out most of the night and day. But she’s alive and so is Jason. And that’s something to be thankful for.”
“Yes, it is,” Elizabeth said. She frowned. “I can’t even imagine why Ric would have been there last night. He and Sonny didn’t get along, we weren’t invited or anything…”
“I didn’t see him there,” Emily replied. “Maybe he was just driving by and stopped or something.”
“No…what I mean is…” Elizabeth frowned and searched for something. “We were together last night. We drank some wine and when I woke up this morning, well, it was obvious Ric and I had made love. So at what point last night did he get up and leave? And why?”
“I guess you….” Emily stopped. “Wait, you don’t remember if you and he made love?”
“Well, we were drinking wine,” Elizabeth explained. “And I guess…”
“Elizabeth, how can you not remember? You’ve never been a heavy drinker and you’re not the type to pass out.”
“I know, but…”
“But nothing,” Emily told her. “Something’s not right, Elizabeth.”
“What does it matter or anything?” Elizabeth sighed. “He’s dead. Whether he went for a midnight drive or he had something more…horrible plan to get revenge on Sonny again…it doesn’t matter. He’s dead. I’ve been married less than a month and my husband is dead. I don’t care how horrible he was to other people and what he might have done on the last night of his life!” Her voice had risen and now there was a desperate, almost hysterical tone to it. “In the span of three weeks, I lost a child and a husband. You’re right, Emily. Something’s not right.”
Elizabeth broke off and shook her head. “I…I’m sorry…I-I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay,” Emily said, enveloping her friend in a quick hug. “It’s okay. You’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s just go check on Jason and we’ll go back to my house.”
She pushed the door open and blanched at the sight of her strong brother covered in burns, bruises and cuts. He had a breathing tube and other various tubes in different spots of his body.
“I’m scared,” Emily whispered. “I’m scared that when he wakes up and finds out what’s happened, he won’t want to live.”
Elizabeth squeezed her friend’s shoulder soothingly. “Jason’s strong, Em. He still has Carly. And you. And Lila. That’s enough for him. All we have to do is remind him that Carly needs him. He likes to be needed.”
“Maybe that’s why the two of you never worked out,” Emily mused almost absent-mindedly. “Jason wants to be needed and you don’t really need anyone. You’ve always been strong and independent—”
“I did need him,” Elizabeth murmured. She moved into the room a little further and stepped next to the hospital bed. She smoothed his hair from his forehead. “He just never needed me.” She started to cry. “I’m never enough, Em. Not for Lucky to stay away from Sarah, not for Jason to need me, or for Ric to give up his stupid plans!”
She sank into a nearby chair and buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking from the force of her sobs. “Why? Why am I doomed to be alone?”
“Oh, honey.” Emily crouched in front of her. “You’re not. Men just suck. And when you do find the right guy, you go and break their hearts. Look at me and Zander. He loves me and I pushed him away, making him think I love Nikolas. What kind of person does that make me?”
“A confused one,” Elizabeth said, laughing through her tears. “Someone who thinks she should still want the person she loved at seventeen when the girl who loved him grew up.”
Emily frowned. “Elizabeth—”
“You can try and fit yourself into a mold, be what you think someone needs. You can try and be the person you once were when you loved them, but in the end you make yourself miserable. You push away someone you really love and a result you lose them forever because that moment was your chance, and even when you think you have another one, you really don’t because they don’t love you anymore.”
“So, Emily, if you love Zander, just be with him. If you don’t love him the same way, with the same passion and intensity, if it’s just faded into a comfortable love and you’re almost sure there’s someone who makes you feel like you’re on top of the world when they look at you…you have to grab it, Em. Grab it before it walks away and leaves you dangling in the wind, waiting for a chance that’ll never come again.” Elizabeth broke off her long diatribe and sucked in a shuddering breath. “I don’t know what made me say all of that—”
“I do,” Emily said softly. “Your world has been spinning out of control for so long that I think that tonight was the last straw. And you’re right. I need to make a decision. But so do you.” She stood and pulled Elizabeth into a standing position. “If I’ve learned anything from my crazy life is that if it’s meant to be, it usually ends up that way. No matter how hard you try to fight it. Let’s say goodbye to my brother and go home to talk some more, okay?”
She turned to find Jason’s eyes open and unblinking. “Emily. What’s…” he stopped and tried to clear his dry throat. Emily reached for a pitcher of water and poured it into a glass Elizabeth found in a drawer. She brought it to Jason’s lips and he sipped. “What’s going on?”
“There was an accident,” Emily told him softly. “You were hurt.”
He glanced around and his eyes focused on Elizabeth. “Elizabeth…”
“Jason, are you awake or kind of in between?” Emily asked.
He frowned. “Kind of both I think…”
“Get some sleep,” Emily advised. “I’ll be back later today.”
His eyes were trained on Elizabeth’s tearstained face. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I’m fine,” Elizabeth murmured.
He focused on his sister then. “Where’s Carly? Sonny? Where’s Courtney?”
“Jason, please…”
“Emily, don’t try to appease me. Where are they? What’s going on?”
“A gas line at the church exploded,” Emily admitted softly. “You and Carly were outside, so you’re okay. The family and I were just arriving, so the most we had were some cuts. But…”
He closed his eyes. “Everyone else is dead,” he finished emotionless.
“Yes,” Emily whispered painfully. “I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so sorry.” After a moment, she realized her brother had slid back into a drug-induced sleep and she turned to her friend. “Oh, God, Elizabeth…”
“He’ll be okay,” Elizabeth said, drawing her friend into an embrace. “He’ll be okay.”
—-
It was a week before any of the funerals took place. And only Michael Corinthos had more than five people at his funeral. Some of his teachers attended, some friends from school. AJ Quartermaine was in the back, keeping out of sight of his son’s mother.
Carly, who’d been told the news a few days ago, was in a wheel chair, staring at the cold ground where her little boy was going to be spending his days. She was being taken back to the hospital after the service, but all she wanted to do was throw herself in with her son.
She’d already been to Sonny’s, Courtney’s and Mike’s services earlier. She would have gone to the guards’ services, but the doctor had forbidden it. She was still badly injured. A broken leg, a concussion and three broken ribs. She’d suffered a miscarriage while she was out cold, so she didn’t even have Sonny’s baby to live for.
Jason had gotten out of the hospital the day before, the worst of his injuries was a cut on his forehead. He pushed his friend’s wheelchair on the path back to the limo, preparing to take her back to the hospital.
“Wait,” Carly said, suddenly. “That’s Ric’s service over there, isn’t it?” she asked, gesturing across the cemetery where another funeral was set up. A casket was waiting to be lowered into the ground and the widow sat in a chair, surrounded by empty chairs. Emily had gotten sick, so Nikolas had taken her home and Elizabeth had insisted that Lucky and Summer go with them.
“Yeah, it is,” Jason said quietly.
“Let’s go,” Carly said. “I don’t think she should be alone today.”
“Did anyone find out why Ric was there in the first place?” Jason, speaking in the same emotionless tone he’d adopted in the hospital. It was easier that way. If he buried the emotions so deep inside himself, he wouldn’t have to feel them. His fiancée, the woman he’d expected to spend the rest of his life with, she was gone. The man he’d thought of like a brother, who’d taught him everything he knew about love, loyalty and honor, he was gone.
The little boy he’d considered a son was gone. It was almost too much and his only way of dealing was to shut it out.
“No,” Carly answered. “No one knows.”
Elizabeth didn’t acknowledge them as Jason wheeled Carly’s chair next to an empty one and he sat next to her.
“I know that everyone hated him,” she said a few moments later. “But he was my husband and I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.” She glanced at Carly, her eyes filled with tears. “All he wanted was a family. You know that? The morning after we were married, when we still had our baby to look forward to, he bought me a stuffed teddy bear. For the baby.” She looked to the casket again. “Baby’s first toy,” she whispered brokenly.
“Losing the baby devastated him more than me, I think. Maybe if I hadn’t miscarried, maybe he really would have given up his hatred for Sonny. If he’d had a future to look forward to, a child.” She stood and stepped toward the casket. “But I wasn’t enough for him. Not without our child. I wasn’t enough. My love just…didn’t mean enough to him.” She reached inside her jacket and withdrew a soft yellow teddy bear. “Thank you for stopping by,” she said a moment later, her voice clear and without emotion. “It’s been such a horrible day for you both and it means a lot that you’d just…pretend to care for a moment.”
She placed the bear on the casket, like one would place a rose. “I guess this is my chance to bury my dreams of being someone’s wife, someone’s mother.”
Elizabeth stepped back and walked towards Carly, surprising the blonde when she leaned down to hug her. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry for yours,” Carly whispered back as Elizabeth straightened. “I am, Elizabeth. Losing a child and your husband at the same time, there’s no pain greater.”
“I know.” Elizabeth wrapped her arms around Jason’s neck and hugged him tightly. “One day at a time,” she advised him. “The pain will fade, I promise. It did for me when I thought Lucky was dead.”
“I remember,” Jason said, meeting her eyes as she pulled away.
Despite the warmth of the day, Elizabeth pulled her coat more tightly around her. “I’m not sure what he was doing there that night, but I don’t think it was anything good. I found a room in the house today,” she admitted. “A panic room of some sorts. He had maternity clothes, prenatal vitamins…a crib.” She closed her eyes. “It doesn’t take much to realize what he had in mind.” She opened her eyes and looked at Carly. “How terrible am I to be glad he never had the chance to do go through with it? I’m glad he’s dead, just so he never had the chance to hurt anyone else.”
Elizabeth shrugged and looked away. “Nothing I’m not used to.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “I’m moving. Out of town. I’m going home to Colorado for a while. I don’t know when or if I’m coming back.”
“When you’re in town,” Carly said, “You…should…come by.”
“Yeah.” Elizabeth managed a weak smile. She walked away then, leaving the two behind.
The yellow teddy bear slipped and fell from the casket. Jason stepped forward as if to pick it up and place it back on top, but Carly stopped him. “Give it to me,” she told him.
He handed it to her and she stared at it. “We both lost our dreams,” she murmured. “To have the perfect family.” She glanced up at him. “Kind of ironic that the muffin and I finally have something in common, huh?”
In August of 2003, when we had the last meaningful Liason interaction for many moons, Jason and Elizabeth comforted each other in the hospital chapel. Then they showed up the next day in the same clothes. I always wondered if they’d toyed with having them go with a one-night stand because it was strange that it faded to black and Liz was still in the same dress the next morning — she even went straight to Jason’s penthouse.
Anyway. That scene inspired this.
Timeline
In August 2003, Emily’s cancer had taken a turn for the worse and she was not expected to survive the night. She married Zander on her deathbed, and Jason and Elizabeth found each other in the chapel.
Her smile is false and she knows it. She watches her best friend wed her first love with the knowledge that Emily loves another. Her closest friend is making the mistake Elizabeth has almost made before. Thinking that first love meant only love.
She brushes a tear from her cheek and wishes her friend happiness in the short time she has left. She clenches the white lily in her hands—she feels the stem snap with the force of her hold.
After a moment, she leaves the small hospital room, feeling out of place. She adores Emily and considers Zander a close friend, but they are newlyweds and she really just wants to be alone.
She wanders the hospital for a little while, stopping in front of the nursery for a moment. She touches the window with her fingers, her touch lingering for a few seconds. She closes her eyes and imagines her child—a daughter. With her father’s curling brown hair and maybe her mother’s blue eyes. She would have named her Audrey.
After another moment of wallowing, she opens her eyes and walks briskly away from the nursery, wiping her tears away. She has a destination in mind—a quiet place just to gather her thoughts and regain her composure before she returns to celebrate the wedding with Emily and her family.
She pushes the door to the hospital chapel open. It slides open with a heavy creak and she pauses for a moment, seeing the figure seated in the front pew. He’d ducked out after the ceremony as well but she’d assumed he’d gone home. To his newly returned fiancée and best friends.
He hears her come in and he turns to look at her. She folds her arms uncomfortably and briefly considers turning and leaving. But she had a right to be here, too. And…for the first time in so long, she doesn’t feel anything when she looks at him. No anger, no hurt, no bitterness.
She steps inside, letting the heavy door close behind her. He’s still looking at her even as she steps forward and sits next to him. The remains of her crushed lily are in her hands and she stares at it for a moment.
“Emily looked beautiful, didn’t she?” Elizabeth finds herself saying.
Jason nods. “She did.”
Elizabeth shifts and looks away. “I was surprised Courtney didn’t come with you.”
“She doesn’t know that Emily was getting married,” Jason tells her. “I…we haven’t spoken for a few days.”
Elizabeth frowns and before she can stop herself, she asks, “Why?”
Jason takes a deep breath and looks away, his eyes sad and distant. “Because she lied to me. She was pregnant, didn’t tell me. She came to South America, knowing she wasn’t supposed to. She was kidnapped and before I got to her, she miscarried and she never told me. She was never going to tell me at all.” He breaks off after the explanation and looks at his hands.
She sets her broken flower at her side and covers his hands with one of her own. She doesn’t say anything and after a moment, he looks up at her. He doesn’t speak either. She doesn’t need to say I’m sorry and he doesn’t need to accept it. They’ve never really needed words and it was nice to pretend for just one moment—on Emily’s wedding day and maybe in honor of the sister they shared—it was nice to pretend that they still didn’t.
If I recall correctly, this was in response to a challenge: What if Jason and Elizabeth had an affair? I was always interested in writing a story with that as the trope, but I was never sure if I could get it to work with their characters. Even here, I don’t go into the hows and whys very much. I did a decent job in For the Broken Girl, building to an emotional affair with light physical cheating (some kissing), but I fully believe an outright affair that goes on for months is outside of their character.
Timeline
Set in the summer of 2003, but before Ric kidnaps Carly. It’s kind of out of time and place. Jason and Courtney are together, so are Elizabeth and Ric. That’s really all that matters.
Banner
She always told herself it was the last time. Every time she’d open the door to him, she’d assure herself that after today, she’d tell him it was over. That…they couldn’t do this anymore. That something had to change.
But she never did. And she cherished every touch, every kiss, every caress knowing one day it would be over. That even though they both lacked the motivation and desire to do so, one day…it would end. And she’d only have the memories.
She sighed and stared at the ceiling of her studio. They never went to the bedroom—she knew the guilt that lived in her would be unbearable if this happened there. There was a small couch in there that they made do with.
She listened to the rustle as he dressed silently. She heard him pull his jeans over his legs and narrow waist. He zipped and buttoned them before searching for the black t-shirt he’d worn over.
She clutched the afghan higher on her chest and propped herself up on her elbow. “It’s behind the easel,” she said quietly.
He didn’t look at her, just nodded and headed across the room to pull the cotton shirt from the floor and he slid it over his head. He sat on her stool and pulled on his socks and boots.
“This can’t happen again,” he said.
“I know.”
A conversation they’d had more than once. It was always the same. They’d swear it wouldn’t happen again and then maybe a few days later or even hours later, he’d show up at her door and they’d barely make it to her studio before their clothes were gone and he was inside her.
But inevitably, it would be over and they would lay in silence for a few moments before he’d dress, tell her it couldn’t happen again, and then he’d leave.
And she’d start to cry.
It was a vicious circle, one that would destroy her one day, she was sure. But for now, she’d live for every single forbidden touch.
His hand was on the studio door—he was about to leave her again—but he stopped and turned and looked at her. She was staring right back at him. Just a few moments longer, she told herself. He’d be gone and she could let it go.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Familiar words but they were different this time. His voice was low, thin and nearly desperate. She swallowed hard and slid her feet to the ground, sitting up and wrapping the afghan more securely around herself. “Jason—”
“I can’t keep coming here…doing this…and hurting…” He stopped, averted his eyes from her. “We’re hurting people. And I never wanted to do that.”
He was right and she had the sinking feeling that this time, when he said this couldn’t happen again…that this time he really meant it.
She blinked her eyes rapidly, trying to keep the tears from spilling over her lashes. “I know,” she choked. “Oh, God, we’re such horrible people.”
He crossed the room then and kneeled in front of her, pressing his forehead into her knees. “Elizabeth…we can’t keep doing this.”
“I know.”
He raised his bloodshot eyes to hers, stunning her with the desolation she saw in them. “I leave you every day and go back to the penthouse,” he told her quietly. “I look at Courtney and I feel like I’m choking. Because when she comes and she hugs me, and I feel her arms around me…I’m pretending that they’re yours.”
She bit her lip. “I know. Because I see Ric and when I feel his hands on my face, on my skin…I’m pretending it’s you.”
“I can’t…I can’t leave her,” Jason said, voicing what she knew to be true. “I can’t hurt her like that.”
“I can’t leave Ric,” she whispered. “He’s…he’s sick and I can’t do that to him.”
He nodded and clenched his hands around her own and held them tightly. “But I don’t think that I can walk away from you today and not come back.”
“We have to do something,” she breathed. “We can’t keep doing this Jason. The guilt is devouring us both. When does it get to be our turn to be happy?”
“Maybe we don’t get the chance.”
“But why?” she asked, desperately. The tears she’d been trying so hard to keep back spilled over her lashes and streamed down her cheeks. “Why did we do this to ourselves?”
“Please don’t cry,” he whispered. “I can’t…I can’t do this if you cry.”
“I’m sorry,” she managed to say, clutching a hand to her mouth. “I’m sorry. I just…I just can’t watch you walk away.”
He touched her face, stroked the curve of her jaw. ”I love you,” he said so softly she almost didn’t hear him. “I love you with everything that I am.”
“I love you, too.” She slid forward until she was off the couch and practically in his lap. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her mouth to his, as if a kiss would solve it all.
The kiss was soft and gentle—as if they were other people, normal people and they’d just professed their love for the first time. He pulled the afghan from her body, tossed it towards the floor and laid her down gently on it.
“I love you,” he whispered again. He brushed soft kisses over her face, her neck before finding her lips again.
Her hands found the hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. He was quickly shed of the clothes he’d only just put back on.
“I need you,” she moaned, burying her face in his neck. “Please Jason.”
His hands explored her body, desperate to know every inch, every curve of her soft skin. He spread her legs easily and she drew one leg up to wrap around her waist. He slid deep inside her and she closed her eyes, feeling the connection for what she accepted would be the last time.
As Jason thrust—slowly at first—she felt the warmth of his own tears on her skin and she knew he knew it was the end, too. She threaded her fingers in his hair and moaned, fighting the release. Her walls started to tighten and she started to sob.
It was over in a few more minutes—not long after she gave in, he let go, too and they parted and lay sprawled out on the floor.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know,” she whispered.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
After another moment, she felt him stand and she closed her eyes, listening to the familiar sounds of him dressing. She kept her eyes closed and listened to the floorboards creaking.
This was definitely one of those times I heard a song and I wanted to write something for it. I don’t really have other memory of this, lol.
Timeline
Other than just generally being set sometime in 2004, there really isn’t a lot of setup here. It’s during Elizabeth’s marriage to Ric, but after the birth of her child (who we didn’t know was a boy when I wrote it.) It’s kind of a foggy history story — it’s set in the GH world, but there’s nothing really tethering it to a time or place.
Banner Here
Sooner or later she feels the morning come
She wakes up, a smile on her face. Her husband thinks it’s because he’s there and he smiles back at her.
But her smile—the light in her eyes is not for him. Not today.
He leaves for work with a kiss to her cheek and a cup of coffee. When his car has pulled out of the driveway, she spurs into action.
Isn’t it safer — dark thoughts all gone
Today is the day she makes her escape.
What a sensation
She packs as many of her daughter’s clothes as she can cram into three diaper bags and a suitcase. She tosses in the stuffed animals the baby can’t live without, formula—nearly everything the little girl owns.
She herself is only taking two suitcases and a few art supplies.
She has made it through one more tomorrow
She doesn’t bother leaving a note—doesn’t care enough to tell him that she’ll never come back. That she doesn’t love him.
That she’s almost sure she never did.
It’d been an illusion—a trick of light.
Raising up her eyes to a brand new sky
She will never be tricked again.
She knows the truth at last
She packs the car up, locks the door tightly and fastens her daughter into the car seat. The divorce papers that she’d tricked him into signing the week before have already been signed and filed.
He’d thought it was a form for the doctor’s office about the baby.
She’s never coming back
She wants to slam her foot on the pedal and never look back. But she doesn’t want to draw attention to herself so she drives the speed limit and follows every traffic law to the letter.
She’ll be gone
So many years
She arrives at the meeting point and sits on the hood of her car with her daughter in her arms. This is a safe place for her. It always has been. A hundred yards away sits an old dilapidated boxcar that isn’t visible to her but she can feel it sitting there.
She’ll be gone
Melting away
A lifetime ago, she found him bleeding in the snow like some sort of tragic snow angel. She’d picked him off the ground and forced him to live—to breathe.
And weeks ago, he’d found her crying in the snow. Her daughter is almost a year old, she has the house in the suburbs, the perfect husband—the life she should have wanted.
The life that suffocated her, trapped her.
He’d forced her to live—to breathe again.
She’ll be gone
This is the day
Her daughter stirs in her arms and starts to cry, confused by the strange surroundings.
She rocks her back to sleep. Hers eyes are trained on the road. Willing this not to be a cruel joke.
Someone is walking up to the bedroom door
In the fifteen months since her second marriage to the same man, she has become the trophy wife she’d sworn never to be. The pretty woman on his arm at social functions as he butters the wealthy up for reelection campaign funding. The doting wife who organizes dinners for his colleagues and always has his warmed in the oven when he works late.
Hearing him knocking
She knows what it’s for
He never asked her to make these changes but she felt the pressure to be perfect—to make his life perfect. It choked her and six weeks ago, it threatened to kill her.
But he’d found her crying in the clearing near the boxcar. He’d forced her to tell him what was wrong—forced her to treat him like the man she’d once thought she’d imagined.
She’s at the window wondering why there is no one to save her
And on that day, their plan to escape their lives had been borne.
Raising up her eyes to a brand new sky
Their respective lives that choked them, that trapped them—that changed who they were at the very core—
They would run away and never look back.
She knows the truth at last
she’s never coming back
Just as she thinks she might have imagined that day in the snow, she hears the rumble of the familiar bike.
He coasts the bike to a stop and approaches her. He takes the baby from his arms and cradles her in his own as if she were his.
She’ll be gone
So many years
“You’re late,” she tells him, teasingly.
“Traffic.” But he’s smiling too. Her daughter is awake now and she’s smiling, reaching her chubby fists for his leather jacket.
She’ll be gone
Melting away
“Ready to go?” she asks. He nods and although it pains him, he leaves the motorcycle where it’s parked. He has enough money to buy another and they need the car to get to the airport.
He’ll send for it one day, he tells himself. One day, he’ll tell his sister to send it to where they end up.
She’ll be gone
This is the day
She moves the car seat to the back and he fastens the little girl inside, making sure the straps are tight. He gives her a beaten up giraffe he’d hidden inside his jacket. He’d given it to another baby once upon a time—a little boy he’d loved as a son.
And now he was giving it to a little girl he’d raise as a daughter. After all—she had her mother’s blue eyes.
Raising up her eyes to a brand new sky
She knows the truth at last
Jason Morgan started the car and backed it back onto the road taking Elizabeth and Audrey Lansing away from Port Charles.
Ric really doesn’t get enough crap for how close he came to killing Elizabeth repeatedly in the summer of 2003. First, he allowed her to drink poisoned lemonade to keep his Carly secret, then he drugged her with birth control pills and sedatives which led to a pulmonary embolism. As if that wasn’t enough, he nearly smothered her with a pillow to avoid being caught for Carly’s kidnapping.
And yet, they got back together and got married all over again! Oy.
GH stays trash.
Timeline
This is set in July 2003, directly after Elizabeth finds Carly in the panic room. She passes out from the embolism as soon it happens and Ric locks Carly back up. Elizabeth is unconscious in the hospital and Ric considers smothering her to keep himself out of trouble.
Banner
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
I just want to be happy again
The pillow is in his hands. His fingers are clenching the sides of the material so tightly that they are numb.
She sleeps peacefully or as peacefully as she can with the knowledge he knows she holds. Her face is pale, her hair spread over her own pillow, falling around her face.
She is the most beautiful person he’s ever known—inside and out. And he can say that for a brief moment in time, she loved and believed in him.
I just want to feel deep in my own world
He walks quickly down the hall—not too quickly though. He doesn’t want to bring any attention to himself. He has one clear goal for this night. He wants answers and he finally believes she’s in a position to give them.
Her room is just at the end of the corridor and if he can get there without any hospital personnel stopping him…there might yet hope for them all.
But I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore
He steps towards her and starts to lower the pillow. He closes his eyes as he does it and when he feels the resistance of her skin stopping it’s descent, he presses harder.
Her arms start to flail on the bed and they claw at his forearms. He can hear her gasping for air and he wants to stop but he knows there’s no turning back.
On a different day
If I was safe in my own skin
Then I wouldn’t feel lost and so frightened
He’s at the door and about to push it open when a nurse steps into the hallway. He moves into the corner, into the shadows until she’s gone.
But this is today
And I’m lost in my own skin
He can feel her struggle lessening. Her arms aren’t moving as rapidly, her chest isn’t heaving. He can almost feel the life slipping from her.
And I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore
He turns the knob slowly and pushes the door open.
And I just say oh, oh
I feel, oh, oh
He doesn’t even hear the door opening as he finally lifts the pillow from her face. He turns to see Jason Morgan in the doorway. Ric Lansing doesn’t speak, he doesn’t cast one last look at his now dead wife. He sets the pillow on the bed.
Jason is unable to move, unable to process what it is he thinks he’s seeing. But as Ric begins to slow move from the room, Jason pins him to the wall with one hand.
“What did you do?” he demands, harshly.
And I’m so lonely
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore.
“The only thing I could,” Ric chokes out. Jason twists his head back to look at the woman in the bed, panicking when he notices that her monitors have been unhooked. He turns back around and slams his fist in the other man’s jaw. Ric sees stars before he blacks out, the liquor he’ drank before coming here taking effect.
Jason lets the scum slide to the floor before hurrying over to her bed.
I just say oh, oh
And I’m so lonely
Elizabeth Lansing isn’t breathing but he can feel a faint pulse in her neck. He uses the call button and then starts CPR.
A nurse comes in, sees the man on the floor, the man performing CPR and darts back out. The call for a crash cart is heard and before Jason knows it, he’s pushed out of the way.
I feel oh, oh
I don’t even want to be with myself anymore
Elizabeth is technically dead for two minutes. But the doctors are quick working and the crash cart is there in seconds. Her small body convulses into the air as they use the paddles to bring her back.
A nurse has hooked up her monitors and the horrible screech of the flat line echoes in the room for a few moments before her heart starts to beat again.
I just want to feel safe in my own skin
She doesn’t quite remember everything when she wakes up, but she does know that Carly is in a hidden room in her home and she tells Jason how to open it.
When she learns that her husband nearly killed her, she isn’t able to speak for a moment or two. But when she does, she just thanks Jason for saving her life.
The famous panic room reveal aired on July 11, 2003. It was a Friday, and the episode ended up on Liz pressing the button and turning to look at Carly, horrified. At the time, I can’t remember if we knew that pulmonary embolism was coming or if i was just spoiler free. That doesn’t sound like me, but you never know. Anyway, a cliffhanger Friday meant LissieLove writing a story on Friday night.
Timeline
This takes place in July 2003. Ric has kidnapped Carly and has held her hostage in the panic room while Elizabeth doesn’t know anything.
Banner
Something went wrong
You’re not laughing
It happened almost as though in a dream. One moment, she’d been unpacking a box of books. The next, Carly had vaulted out of nowhere and was screaming her name.
“Elizabeth!”
Elizabeth whirled around so fast that she slipped and fell, staring up at Carly with a shocked expression. No one had seen Carly in almost a month. She’d vanished from the face of the Earth.
“C-Carly—”
“Elizabeth, thank God,” Carly cried, almost weeping. She reached down and practically hauled the other woman to her feet. “We need to get out of here.”
“Wait, wait.” Elizabeth pushed away from her and put her hands to her head, closing her eyes. “You—where have you been? What’s going on?”
“I’ve been here,” Carly said, frantically, already pulling her towards the door. “In that stupid panic room. Come on, Elizabeth!”
“In what panic room?” Elizabeth demanded. Her eyes drifted past Carly to the open room behind her. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened a little. “Oh my God—”
“Elizabeth, please, we have to go!” Carly cried.
Elizabeth nodded. “You’re right. Let’s go—”
She heard the door open before she could finish. She turned and looked at her husband. “Ric.” Carly’s hand tightened on hers. “What’s going on?” she demanded.
Ric’s eyes darted between his wife and his captive. “Elizabeth, I know you don’t understand right now—”
“You kidnapped Carly!” Elizabeth cried. “She’s been missing for a month—”
Ric stepped forward and Elizabeth impulsively retreated a step, backing into Carly. “I’m doing this for you,” he tried to explain. “Just like we discussed. Another baby.”
Elizabeth blinked. “You—you think we’re going to raise Carly and Sonny’s child?” she asked softly. “You’re crazy.” She shook her head. “We’re leaving.”
Ric reached behind him and pulled out a small pistol. “No. You’re not.”
It’s not so easy now to get you to smile
You gotta be strong
Elizabeth paced the small space of the panic room. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
Carly’s brown eyes followed the tiny brunette from side to side. “You weren’t stupid. He was good. Very good.” She gestured towards the television screen. “I saw how he acted with you.”
Elizabeth stared at the different screens, each showing a different spot in the house. Their bedroom. Their kitchen. Their living room. “How did he hide this from me?”
“He was careful,” Carly said dully. She sank onto the cot and stared at the crib next to her. “He had this completely set up before he took me.”
Elizabeth frowned. “The night of the wedding—” she trailed off. “You must have been struggling. Why didn’t I know?”
“You were asleep on the couch,” Carly answered. “The police came. I saw it.”
“But Ric said—” Elizabeth stared at the couch on the screen. “I’m not a deep sleeper. I haven’t been in so long.” She stepped closer to the screen and something caught her eye.
A prescription bottle.
She reached for it, on a shelf above the television screens. “This is a sedative,” she said softly. “In my name. He got a prescription for a sedative in my name.”
“Elizabeth—”
“He drugged me,” Elizabeth murmured. “Oh my God. He drugged me so I couldn’t stop him.” The bottle clattered to the floor and she stepped back, her vision blurring. “Oh my God, my husband drugged me.”
“Elizabeth—” Carly stood, feeling out of place as she tried to comfort the other woman. “I’m sorry.”
“He said we made love, but I didn’t remember,” Elizabeth went on. Her hands were starting to tremble. “I thought it was just the wine, but I didn’t remember.”
To walk these streets
And keep from falling
“Elizabeth—”
“My clothes were off,” Elizabeth choked out. “He undressed me—or we made love and I just don’t remember—”
Carly closed her eyes, remembering the moment she’d woken up next to Ric, also nude. They hadn’t slept together then, but she hadn’t known. The thought had haunted her for moments, causing more than one nightmare. “Elizabeth, he violated you.”
“No—but—”
“He drugged you,” Carly said firmly. “You said yourself you don’t remember anything. Jesus, Elizabeth. Take the blinders off. If he just undressed you, it’s still violating you.” She closed her eyes. “And if he did more—”
Elizabeth sank onto the cot, pressing a hand to her mouth. Tears spilled onto her cheeks. “No—it’s just not possible. I can’t—” She cleared her throat. “We need to talk about what we’re going to do.”
“What can we do?” Carly asked, sighing. “Believe me, I’ve thought of it all. I’ve even gotten out of here a few times, but he always catches me.”
“Only one of us needs to get out of here,” Elizabeth said softly. “I’ll take care of Ric. You run and just keep on running, okay?”
“I can’t leave you in here,” Carly said. “I’ve got leverage. I’ve got the baby he wants. You go.”
“Carly, you being pregnant is precisely the reason you should go,” Elizabeth argued. “Look, this is my fault. I have been blind to who my husband really is. I defended him when I was wrong. God, I must have defended him a thousand times to Sonny and Jason just this month and look how wrong I was!”
“You had no idea!” Carly insisted. “I heard everything he told you. He snowed you, Elizabeth. He led you to believe he was something that he wasn’t. You’re not the first person to buy into his bull.”
“Everybody lies to me,” she whispered softly. Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Nice to know some things will never change.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Carly. You run. Get help. I can hold my own against him. He won’t hurt me.”
“Won’t hurt you?” Carly scoffed. “Come on. He raped you!”
“No!” Elizabeth cried. She shook her head vehemently. “No.”
“No!” Elizabeth screamed. “Not again! It didn’t happen again!”
But when you’re not, just let yourself cry
Carly paled and looked away, remembering how Elizabeth had come to the penthouse, desperate to believe that Ric was different. She’d been sleeping with him and Carly understood Elizabeth needed that reassurance.
She only wished she’d been able to give it. “Elizabeth—”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Don’t. Don’t okay? Don’t pretend that you like me or even feel sorry for me.”
“No woman deserves that,” Carly said firmly. “To be violated like that. Not by their husband, not by someone they thought was their friend—”
“And not by some stranger in the park,” Elizabeth said softly. She closed her eyes and sank to the floor. “I feel sick.” She was on her knees, one arm braced on the floor, the other around her middle. “Oh my God.”
Carly crossed to the bathroom and shoved the door open. “There’s a toilet in here.”
Elizabeth made it there, but only barely. She vomited until she nearly passed out, and then she slid away, sitting against the wall, her knees in the air, and her head in her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening to me,” she whispered. “I can’t believe I married someone who could do this to me.”
Carly stepped inside the small space and flushed the toilet. She grabbed a toothbrush and squeezed some of the paste on it before handing it to Elizabeth. “Here.”
You’ve been working hard
Just trying to pay the rent
When Elizabeth had brushed her teeth and splashed some water on her face, Carly left her in the bathroom, closing the door behind her, sensing she needed some time alone.
She crossed to the television screens watching as Ric paced the bedroom nervously. She glanced up as she heard the doorbell ring and looked back to the screen.
Elizabeth came out and frowned. “What was that?”
“The doorbell,” Carly murmured as she watched Ric hurry to answer it. “It’s Emily.” She glanced at the other woman. “Don’t bother screaming or pounding on the wall. It doesn’t work.”
“I figured as much.”
After a few moments, Ric closed the door and looked towards the panic room. He crossed to it and they watched him take the remote out of his pants. Elizabeth crossed to the other corner.
“As soon as I get him distracted, run,” Elizabeth told her. “Okay? Run as fast as you can and get out of here.”
“Elizabeth,” Carly began, but the door began to slide open and Ric entered.
Before he could say anything, Elizabeth charged him and jumped on his back, wrapping her small hands around his head. “Run!”
Carly darted out of the room and only spared one look back before she flew out the front door.
Ric easily tossed Elizabeth off, making her land with an oomph on the cot. “Why’d you do that?” he roared.
She tossed her dark hair out of her eyes and glared at him. “Why’d you rape me?” she hissed.
He blinked, the word rape draining his anger. “What?” Ric asked incredulously.
“You drugged me,” Elizabeth seethed. “And then you either just undressed me or we had sex. And I don’t remember a damn thing.”
“That doesn’t make it rape—”
“The hell it doesn’t!” Elizabeth screamed. “You drugged me! How was I supposed to say no?”
“Elizabeth, I just needed to make sure you wouldn’t stop me,” Ric tried to explain. “I did this for you—”
“You did this for yourself,” Elizabeth shot back. “You’ve been trying to replace our child with Sonny’s. Did it occur to you that I don’t want a child?”
Ric shook his head. “No, no. That’s not true. You want a family. We both do.”
“Not with you,” Elizabeth snapped. “You’re insane, and you’re a rapist.”
“I am not a rapist!”
Tryin’ to draw the line between who you are and who you invent
But if you throw a stone
Something’s gonna shatter somewhere
Carly stopped at the first payphone she found, her hands shaking as she called Sonny’s cell phone collect.
She screamed her name when they asked for it and Sonny hurriedly accepted the charges.
“Carly? Jesus, are you okay? Where are you?”
“Sonny, you have to go to Ric’s!” Carly cried. “Elizabeth is there and she’s alone with Ric, he took me and Elizabeth is there! You have to get there! Sonny, go!”
“Wait, wait, where are you?”
“Damn it, Sonny, he raped her and you have to get her out of there! I’ll meet you there. Just go!”
She slammed the phone down and took off down the block. She’d be damned if Elizabeth was going to sacrifice herself.
It took her five minutes to get back to the Lansing home and she was out of breath, ready to keel over when she got there. A month inside a small dark room had really drained her. Her eyes were sensitive to light and she felt so weak.
“Elizabeth!” she screamed as she crossed the threshold. She saw the open door of the panic room and Ric standing in the doorway. He was glaring at something she couldn’t see. “Elizabeth!”
Ric looked at her and smiled. “Well, look who returned.”
“Get out of here, Carly!” Elizabeth yelled. She came into Carly’s line of vision suddenly, launching herself at her husband as they crashed into the rack of black boxes against the wall.
She heard a car screech to halt behind her. Carly whirled around to see Sonny and Jason throwing open their car doors and rushing up the walk. “She’s in there!”
Jason pushed past her and crossed the living room in a few quick strides, drawing his gun from the small of his back. He pointed at Ric. “Let her go.”
“Let her go?” Ric demanded. “She’s got me in a headlock!”
Which was true. Elizabeth was on Ric’s back, her tiny arms wrapped around his neck, trying her best to squeeze the life out of him. Every time he tried to shove her off or reach his arms up to pull her hands from his throat, she switched angles.
Jason had fight against smirking, but didn’t lower his weapon. “Elizabeth, let him go and go outside.”
“No,” Elizabeth snarled. She dug her nails into his throat, eliciting a growl from her husband. “He’s going to pay for what he did to me!”
Jason frowned and shook his head. She never did know when to quit. “Elizabeth, just let me handle this.”
Finally Ric managed to throw Elizabeth off. He aimed for the cot, but she went flying past it and crashed into the crib. Without thinking, Jason discharged his gun twice, sending Ric flying backwards and into the bathroom. He didn’t move.
We’re all so fragile
We’re all so scared
Carly pushed past Sonny and darted into the house as Jason hastily tucked his gun back in its spot. “Stay back, Carly. I’ve got her. Tell Sonny to call a crew.”
Jason stepped around the cot and knelt beside the unconscious brunette. He checked her pulse and sighed in relief when he found it steady and strong. “She’s alive. She’ll probably have some bruising. We’ll get her back to the penthouse and get a doctor there to see her.”
Carly watched in worry as Jason easily lifted the tiny woman into his arms and was on his heels as he carried her outside.
Sonny blanched when he saw Elizabeth limp in Jason’s arms. The image was hauntingly familiar. Barely a year ago, Jason had carried her from an about to explode crypt.
“Get her and Carly out of here,” Sonny said quietly. “I’ll wait for the crew. Is Ric—?”
“I don’t know,” Jason answered. “I didn’t look. He’s out though.”
“Okay, go.”
You say you wanna learn how to live your life without tears
But we’ve been trying to do that for thousands of years
While a doctor was taping Elizabeth’s ribs, Jason cornered Carly downstairs in the penthouse living room. “Sonny told me what you said on the phone.”
Carly sighed and tugged at the bottom of her shirt. “Where’s Courtney?” she asked, changing the subject. “And Michael? I want to see them. I haven’t seen them in a month.”
“They’re on the island,” Jason said impatiently. “Carly, you’re avoiding my question. You told Sonny that Ric raped Elizabeth.”
“Elizabeth didn’t know I was there until today,” Carly said softly. “She was doing something and it triggered the panic room door. We were on our way out of there but Ric stopped us.”
“Carly—”
“I’m getting there,” Carly snapped. “He locked us both in the panic room and Elizabeth was freaking out by then. Jason, she had no idea what Ric is really like. She thought he’d changed. There were these television screens in the room and I saw the way he played her. He made her believe he’d let this vendetta go. He played the part of the perfect husband.”
“Finding out differently must have thrown her,” Jason interjected.
“Yeah, well, turns out the night Ric locked me in there, Elizabeth had a blackout of some sort. At the time, he convinced her it was just the wine she’d drank earlier. But today, she found a bottle of sedatives. He drugged so she wouldn’t stop him. And when she woke up, she was—well,” Carly shrugged. “Naked.”
“Jesus,” Jason exhaled. “So he drugged her and you guys think—?”
“He violated her, Jason,” Carly said firmly. “Whether it was no more than just taking off her clothes like he did to me or it was more. She was definitely violated.”
“If he wasn’t already dead—” Jason trailed off and shook his head. “Is she okay?”
“She was upset,” Carly admitted. “Lost it for a few minutes. But I think she shoved it aside to get us out of there. The second he stepped inside, she jumped him and kept screaming at me to get out of there. She’s—she’s got guts, Jason. A lot of them.”
Jason nodded. “Yeah—she’s always been like that. She wanted to protect you.”
“She did. So I got her help and went back in case she needed me,” Carly finished. “Of course, it looked like she was holding her own.” She looked towards the stairs. “She’ll be okay, right?”
“Physically, yeah. Just some bruised ribs and a concussion,” Jason answered. “But—”
“Yeah,” Carly said, understanding what he didn’t say. “Jason, don’t take this the wrong and please do not tell anyone else what I said. But—after today? I kind of—well, respect her now. And—I want—” She hesitated and glared at her friend who was trying not to smirk. “Don’t give me that look. She put herself in danger to protect me.”
“Yeah, I get that. It’s just strange coming from you.”
“I want to help her,” Carly said bluntly. “I want her to stay here or something. She’s going to be really upset when this hits her, and I guess I want to be there for her. I think she could use a friend.”
“She will, Carly.” Jason hesitated. “It’s good that you want to be there for her. But I know her. She won’t let you.”
“You knew who she was a year ago,” Carly said quietly. “I know her. I’ve watched her every day for the past month. I know that she sings when she paints and thinks no one else is in the room. I know that she makes extremely bad coffee and about the only thing she can make are brownies. I know that her face scrunches up when something in her painting isn’t working—”
“Okay, okay, I get the point. You know her better than me,” Jason said. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I used to know her better than anyone, you know? I knew when she was lying, when she was upset. And now, I don’t know her at all.”
“Do you miss her?” Carly asked, tilting her head to the side. “As a friend or whatever?”
“Sure,” Jason said easily. “She was one of my best friends. She mattered to me.”
“Then maybe this is your chance to get that back,” Carly murmured.
So go on and cry Ophelia
It’s the only thing to do sometimes
Elizabeth laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. It was easier if she didn’t move. She could just stare at the white ceiling and she wouldn’t have to think about the fact that she was in the guest room at Carly’s penthouse.
If she didn’t think about her location, she wouldn’t think about why she was here. That her husband had kidnapped a pregnant woman and kept her captive for a month while he fed his gullible wife a lot of bullshit about being a changed man.
Or that he’d drugged and possibly raped her the night he kidnapped the other woman. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling tears in the back of her throat. Oh, god. It had happened again.
She turned on her side and drew her knees to her chest, ignoring the pain in her ribs. She started to cry and once the first tears trickled down her cheeks, they only came faster and stronger. Soon she was sobbing, her face buried in the pillow.
She didn’t hear the door sliding open or feel Jason’s weight sink into the bed as he sat down. He smoothed the hair away from her face and she only cried harder.
Her own husband, someone she’d trusted and loved, had drugged her and then violated in the worst way possible. In a way Elizabeth had once vowed would never happen again.
“You shouldn’t pull your knees up like that,” he said softly. Jason straightened her legs. “It’s not good for your ribs.”
“I don’t care,” she choked out. “I just want to be by myself, okay?”
“Okay,” Jason said, amiably. He smoothed her hair again. “I’ll check on you later. Do you need anything?”
“The last few months of my life to disappear?” she sobbed. “Can you do that?”
“I wish I could,” Jason said. He stood and closed the door behind him.
You know I’m crying too
Right there with you
He closed the door behind him and shook his head wordlessly. He wondered what existed in some men that gave them the urge to do this to people. How Ric Lansing could have fooled Elizabeth into thinking he was so wonderful—so that he could turn right around and violate that trust, trust he knew she didn’t give easily.
She was still crying, he could hear her through the door. Even after all this time, after the pain, the nasty words—it still ripped at him when he heard her cry.
Sonny had gotten home when Jason came down the stairs. He was arguing with Carly insisting she go to the hospital.
“You’re probably dehydrated or suffering from malnutrition,” he was saying.
Carly rolled her eyes. “I am fine. What I want you to do is bring Michael and Courtney home. I need to see my son.”
“They’re already in the air,” Sonny said. “Now will you go?”
“No,” Carly said. She caught Jason’s eye. “Hey. How is she?”
Jason sighed. “She’s okay. Upset, but physically fine.”
Sonny frowned. “Now might be a good time to explain what you said on the phone.”
Carly shifted uncomfortably. “It’s really her business, not mine. Maybe she doesn’t want everyone to know.”
Sonny exhaled slowly. He put his hands on his waist, leveling his trademark intense glare on his wife. She braced herself for a fight and was prepared to stand her ground.
After a moment, Sonny nodded “You’re right. If she wants me to know, she’ll say so.”
“How’d things go at the house?” Jason asked. “Where’s Lansing?”
“Dead,” Sonny answered. “He bled out—painfully, I might add. We’ll arrange for the body to be found sooner or later. Good clean ending for Elizabeth.”
“He deserved to be cut into miniscule little pieces and fed to the wolves,” Carly muttered.
Sonny nodded. “Yeah. For what he did to you and the havoc he apparently wreaked on his own wife. What did he hope to accomplish by kidnapping you?”
Carly sighed. “He wanted our baby. He blames you for her miscarriage and wanted to replace their baby.”
“That’s sick,” Sonny declared.
“Yeah, it is,” Carly replied. She rubbed her abdomen. “You know, I watched her these last few weeks. She never trusted him fully, she was always a little suspicious.” She bit her lip. “He lied and lied to her and all I wanted to do was scream at her stop believing him.”
“Come on, I’ll make you some dinner,” Sonny said. “Jason, will you check on Elizabeth one more time before you go to the airport?”
“Yeah. No problem.”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries
She wasn’t crying when he entered the room the second time. She was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling.
“Do you need anything?” Jason asked.
“I think we covered that question,” Elizabeth murmured. “Did Carly tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“What Ric did.”
“That he—” Jason hesitated. “That he drugged you and—”
“She shouldn’t have said anything,” Elizabeth whispered. “It’s bad enough she knows.”
“She’s worried about you,” Jason told her. He shut the door behind him. “I am, too.”
“Why?” she asked dully. “You were right, weren’t you? Ric was bad news. I had no business being with him. I was just protecting a rapist.”
“I never should have said it that way,” Jason admitted. “But I’d just found out what happened to Carly and here you were, being so damn stubborn—it was like you weren’t listening just to spite me.”
She chuckled dryly. “Yeah. Everything I do is always about you Jason.”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“I defended Ric because he made me believe that my love mattered, that I was enough,” Elizabeth said softly. “That I hadn’t wasted my time trying to make another relationship work. Just another mistake, Jason. Nothing more. Had nothing to do with you.”
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”
“Is he dead?”
“What?”
“Is he dead? Am I a widow?”
“Do you really want me to answer that?” Jason asked, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets.
“I think you just did.” Elizabeth sighed and folded her hands across her abdomen. “You know—I was waiting for him to come today. I was so excited—because I knew how happy he’d be.”
Jason walked towards her, trying to catch her eye, but she kept her attention firmly on the ceiling tiles. “About what?”
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. “Silly me. I thought when he meant he wanted a family, he wanted my child. Should have known he wanted some blonde’s instead.”
Jason closed his eyes, feeling a sharp pain lance through him. “He was sick, Elizabeth. Sick and twisted.”
“Yeah, I guess he’d have to be to pretend to rape one woman and then drug and rape the wife he kidnapped someone for.” Elizabeth sighed. “I sure can pick ‘em. A brainwashed cheater, a hitman and a sociopath. I wonder what’s next. Do you think I’ll just settle for a homicidal maniac who has weird fetishes? Like he likes to wrap his victims in toilet paper before he slits their throats?”
“I’m not a hitman, Elizabeth and you know that,” Jason retorted.
She laughed again, coldly. “Forgot. That’s just one area of your job. We never did discuss the aspects. I was always too weak and fragile to handle it, huh?”
He shook his head. “What are you going to do?”
“About the baby?” Elizabeth asked. “Don’t know. I mean, what kind of child is it going to be? The offspring of an unemployed loser and a rapist?”
“You’re not a loser and it doesn’t matter what the father was like. Ric is dead and he can’t hurt you anymore.”
“If that’s what you believe, then you have a lot to learn about relationships, Jason. Just because someone’s gone, it doesn’t mean it’s over.” She turned and curled up into a ball, hissing when her knees came into contact with her sensitive ribs. “Sometimes it’s just beginning.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Tell Carly and Sonny I’ll be out of their way in a day or two. When I figure out what’s going through my head, okay?”
“You can stay here as long as you need to,” Jason assured her.
“With the happy mob squad? I’d rather chew nails.”
He hesitated. “Carly’s—”
“Worried about me, yeah I know. You already told me that.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Just leave me alone, okay?”
He shook his head. “No. I’m not going to leave you alone so you can sit up here and feel sorry for yourself.”
She jerked into a sitting position then, her cold gaze burning into him. “Is that you think I’m doing?” she seethed. “I’m trying to deal with the fact that my husband—who is dead now—not only lied to me with every single word out of his mouth, but that he drugged me and that I was raped for the second time in my life. I’m so sorry if I’m cramping your style or I’m not bouncing back as quickly as you think I should be, but I can’t—”
“I’m sorry,” Jason interrupted. He sat on the edge of the bed. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know you better than that.”
“Do you?” Elizabeth demanded. “Did we ever know each other at all? Or were we just fooling ourselves?”
Thank god for my bad memory
I’ve forgotten some of the stupid things that I’ve done
“Of course we knew each other,” Jason said, almost startled by her vehement words. “We were friends.”
“Yeah,” Elizabeth sighed, the fire drained from her body. She laid back down. “Friends.”
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth—”
“You’re always sorry, Jason. It never changes anything.” She closed her eyes. “Could you please go now?”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, there’s nothing left to say. You’re always sorry. And I’m always alone.”
“You’re not alone, Elizabeth—”
“Emily and Nikolas were married last week. A small chapel just outside of town. Lucky was there, Alexis, Luke, Monica, other members of both families. And I heard about it on the news,” Elizabeth said softly. “Lucky’s been mourning his girlfriend’s death for a month, but I found out about it in the newspaper. The only people I have are my grandmother and Ric—and I can’t look at my grandmother in the eye.”
“Why not?” Jason asked.
“Because I weaved a little fairy tale for her. About the wonderful and kind Harvard lawyer who swept me off my feet. That we had the perfect courtship and that marriage, with the minor inconvenience of a miscarriage, has been idyllic. How do you suppose I tell her that he was a monster? That he’s dead and I’m glad?”
“Why tell her anything?”
“You mean lie?” Elizabeth asked, raising her eyebrows. She smirked. “Why, you the paragon of virtue, are encouraging me to mourn my rapist husband? Tell me, Jason, does the word hypocrite mean anything to you?”
He stood and shook his head. “Sometime in the next week, his body will be found. So that you can have a quick ending to all of this. Your marriage will be over, and you won’t have to explain his absence.”
‘”I think it’d be for the best that I am at the house when he’s found then,” Elizabeth said softly. “So that when the two of you are questioned, I don’t have to be in a position to explain why I’m here.”
“Probably,” Jason admitted. “But Carly and Sonny want you to stay.”
“And I’m not going to complicate your lives any further. You have Carly now. You and Courtney can have your little wedding and I’ll just sell the house and try to get my old studio back.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Yeah. I know. You’re sorry.”
I’ve come to a little wisdom through a whole lot of failure
So I watch more carefully what rolls off my tongue
He never made it to the airport. He didn’t leave the room and eventually she fell asleep. He sat in a chair and watched her sleep. She was a restless sleeper, tossing and turning. Her breathing was shallow at times and he found himself worrying about her concussion.
When Courtney called about a ride home, Sonny just sent a guard out to get them. He knew that Jason was still upstairs and decided to leave him alone. It wasn’t every day that your ex-girlfriend was raped by her husband.
When Elizabeth woke a few hours later, he was still sitting there. Staring at her, his eyes trained on her face. She frowned. “Why are you here?”
“I’m worried about you.”
She sighed and slid into a sitting position, setting her feet on the ground. “Tell me,” she began quietly, “where does this sudden burst of concern come from? Where has it been in the past ten months or so?”
He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs, clasping his hands together. “Tell me,” he echoed, “have you ever made a mistake?”
Elizabeth eyed him suspiciously. “Is this a trick question?”
“The day you walked out on me, when you demonstrated your inability to handle my life—”
“That is not what that was about!” Elizabeth fumed. “That was about my inability to come last, to be neglected. My inability to accept that promises are allowed to be broken for the sake of business.”
He knitted his eyebrows together in a frown. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“Silly me, I thought I did,” Elizabeth snarled. “I guess I was depending on your ability to understand me. Hoping for too much again, huh?”
He shook his head. “When you walked out, and you turned your back on me every time I tried to talk to you—”
“Yeah, both times,” Elizabeth muttered.
“It occurred to me that maybe you didn’t care about me anymore,” Jason told her. “I’m not sorry I moved on. I’m not sorry I listened to you when you told me we were over, that I’d ruined any chance we had. I’m not sorry that I fell in love again and you’re not going to make me sorry for that.”
She closed her, willing the tears to stay where they were. “I deserved it,” she whispered. “Because I walked away so many times from what I really wanted, I deserved what I got.”
“You did not deserve to have Ric Lansing drop into your life,” Jason said firmly. “No one deserves that.”
“Yeah, okay.” Elizabeth sighed. “Well, I’m all right. I feel fine. You can go.”
“I didn’t finish,” Jason interjected. “I’m not sorry for any of those things, but I am sorry that our friendship suffered.”
“Suffered,” Elizabeth scoffed. “Died, you mean.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Yeah, you’re sorry. We established this.”
He sat next to her on the bed. “Do you remember when I told that sometimes when you go away, it doesn’t make the feelings go away? That it just makes it clearer?”
“Yeah—” Elizabeth sighed. “I remember that.”
“Sometimes you don’t need to go away.”
Elizabeth frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means that I miss you.”
Elizabeth blinked and stared at him. “You miss me,” she echoed. She laughed. “Well, goody for me. Should I bow at your feet now?”
“Why do you do this?” he asked. “Why are you so angry with me?”
“Maybe it’s because you think telling me you miss me is supposed to fix the way you’ve treated me.” She launched herself off the bed and crossed the room. “Well, I miss you too. I miss talking to you and taking rides on the bike. But you know what I don’t miss? I don’t miss the phone calls, I don’t miss the way you’d run out to help Sonny and Carly with a hangnail. I don’t miss the way you shut down on me without the slightest provocation. I don’t miss the way you make me feel inferior, like I’m not good enough for you because all I wanted was your trust.” She found her shoes underneath the bed. “Yeah, I miss our friendship Jason, but not enough to sacrifice my self-respect—what I have left anyway.”
She ended her tirade by slamming out of the guest room, leaving Jason stunned and speechless in her wake.
You pray for rain
But you don’t want it from a storm
Courtney and Michael were home when Elizabeth rushed down the steps. Courtney jumped to her feet and immediately looked at the brunette suspiciously. “Elizabeth.”
Carly frowned. “Where are you going? You should be resting—you have a concussion—”
“I’ll be fine,” Elizabeth said quickly. “I appreciate everything, but it wouldn’t look right if I were here when—Ric—well—” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “You know what I mean.”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to back to him!” Courtney scoffed. She rolled her eyes. “My God, how naïve can you be? What does he have to do so that you realize what scum he is? Does he have to rape you too?”
Elizabeth paled and her eyes filled with tears. “It’s funny you should say that Courtney,” she whispered. She heard Jason’s footsteps on the steps behind her. He stopped on the landing. “Real ironic, you might say.”
“Courtney, just go home,” Carly advised. “This isn’t the time or the place—”
“No. Because Elizabeth is too stupid to see what a monster her husband is, he had the opportunity to kidnap Carly,” Courtney interrupted. “Now how did he manage to pull that off without you noticing? Did you help? Were you part of the plan?”
“Courtney, that’s enough,” Jason ordered. “Stop it.”
Elizabeth was trembling now. “You’re such a hateful person, Courtney. You automatically think I’d do something like that?”
“Well, I don’t know, Elizabeth. Maybe the reason you’re going back isn’t because you’re scared of him or because you just don’t see it. Maybe you like it,” Courtney snarled. “Maybe you get off on being with a rapist—”
“Shut up!” Elizabeth cried. “You don’t know anything about me!”
“Courtney, that is enough,” Carly said firmly. She put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “You don’t know what happened—”
“I don’t need to. Here Elizabeth is, all ready to return to her rapist husband. So, what is it, Elizabeth? What makes you love him despite the terror he inflicts?”
“Courtney, stop it,” Sonny cut in. “Carly’s right. A lot of things happened today—”
“All of which has done nothing to make you see what he’s done! Did you come and beg for Ric’s life just like you begged for Zander’s?” Courtney demanded. “You’re so selfish, Elizabeth—”
“No, that would be you,” Elizabeth cut in softly. “For your information, I’m not going back to Ric. He’s dead. I’m going back to the house so that when his body is found, the police won’t be able to connect this back to Sonny and Jason. And that is all you deserve to know, so you can take your accusations and hateful words and shove them.”
She pushed past them and left the penthouse, slamming the door behind her. Courtney sighed. “Well, at least that’s over.”
Carly stared at the other woman, surprise written all over her face. “Is that what I sound like?” she asked no one in particular. “When I go off without any of the facts? When I throw tantrums and accuse people of things they didn’t do?”
“Honestly?” Sonny asked, a small smirk on his face. “Yeah.”
She glared at him but turned the intensity of the glare onto her sister-in-law who was staring at her strangely. “All you had to do was shut up when we told you to. But you just sat there and kept yelling at a woman who had her entire life ripped out from underneath her today. Do you ever think about anything but yourself?”
“That’s not fair,” Courtney cried. “I’ve been so worried about you these last couple of weeks. I’ve done everything I can to keep your son from worrying about you. We postponed our wedding until we found you! How can you say that I don’t think about anyone but myself?”
“You know, being self-absorbed is one thing, but being cruelly selfish is another.” Carly shook her head. “I can’t deal with this right now.” She held her hand out to her son, who’d been watching the events unfold with an interested expression. “Come on, Mr. Man. You and me need to get caught up.”
“Okay, Mommy.”
Carly led to the stairs and they disappeared onto the second floor. Courtney sighed. “Okay, so what the hell happened today?”
Jason didn’t answer her. Instead, he shook his head. “I need a ride.”
“I’ll come with you,” Courtney said quickly.
“No. I need be by myself for a while,” Jason told her, holding his hands up to ward off her approach. “I’ll see you when I get back.”
Yeah, you find a rose
And cut your finger on a thorn
She entered the house which Sonny’s men had cleaned up that afternoon. The panic room was closed and she had no inclination to open it or tell anyone that it was even there when she sold the house.
She closed the door behind her and stared at their living room. This morning, she’d been in love with her husband and tonight—
She crossed the room and stared at the photographs she’d unpacked before Carly had fled the room and shattered her life. The biggest one was a framed photo of them on their wedding day.
She picked it up and studied it. Studied her smile, the ecstatic look in her eyes. She remembered how overwhelmed and happy she’d felt when he’d taken the rings out of his pocket.
At the time, she’d been floating on air. His vows had made her feel so cherished, so valued. And now they made her skin crawl. Every word, every promise, every touch, every kiss—it felt vile and she could feel the disgust spread throughout her body. She’d given herself to him, more than once, without inhibition. She’d made love to him, believing he loved her.
She’d made love to a rapist.
Tears blurred her vision and her throat felt tight. She gripped the frame tighter and then hurled it against the wall. “I hate you!” she screamed. It shattered and slipped to the ground, the picture still intact.
She swept everything off the back table, the vase and the water the flowers were sitting in went flying to the floor. She took a lamp from the table and flung it towards the door. It missed its target and went flying through the front window, shattering it.
She sank to the floor, sobbing.
So go on and cry, Ophelia
It’s the only thing to do sometimes
He saw the broken window first before the shards of the lamp at his feet. He was inside before he could think twice.
The living room was destroyed. She’d thrown anything she could find against the wall and now she was crumpled into a tiny ball behind the couch, sobbing.
Jason crossed the room in a few quick strides and lowered himself to the ground. “Elizabeth,” he said intently. “Are you hurt?”
She raised her red-rimmed eyes to him and nodded. “Yeah, but you can’t see where I bleed,” she choked out. “It’s here,” she told him, pressing a hand to her heart. He closed his eyes and instinctively gathered her into his arms, pressing her sobbing face into his chest. He didn’t tell her it’d be okay, or that everything was going to be all right. She didn’t need to hear the right now and for the first time in nearly a year, Jason knew exactly what Elizabeth needed from him.
He just held her while she cried.
After a while, she’d exhausted herself and couldn’t cry anymore. She wasn’t sleeping or passed out. She was just quiet. The only sounds in the room were their breathing.
“Why are you here?” she whispered, her voice hoarse.
“I was out riding—” Jason hesitated. “I just—found myself here and—I thought—you might need me.”
She closed her eyes and for once, she didn’t throw up her defenses. She didn’t give him some smart comment about how she’d never needed him. She just spoke the honest truth. “You’re right. I did.”
He smoothed a hand down her back before pulling away from her a little bit. “I’m sorry about what Courtney said,” he told her, reluctant to bring up the topic of his fiancée while she was so upset.
“She was right,” Elizabeth whispered. “I was stupid and I was selfish. All that time Carly was in there and I just kept throwing you out when you tried to tell me. When you tried to explain that Ric was bad—that he was keeping secrets—I just laughed in your face. And you were right all along.”
“I didn’t want to be,” Jason admitted. “I wanted—I wanted to believe you were happy, that he was treating you right.”
“I’m glad he’s dead,” Elizabeth said emotionlessly. “He’ll never hurt anyone again and that’s all that matters to me.”
“What about—” Jason trailed off.
“I’m keeping this baby,” Elizabeth said firmly. “I thought—I thought about having an abortion the first time around, but I couldn’t do it then and I know I can’t do it now. I just have to find a way to make sure I can take care of her.”
“If you need anything,” Jason began to offer automatically, but she cut him off.
“I don’t think Courtney would appreciate you making a promise like that,” she said softly. “I mean—I’m grateful that you’d offer, but let’s face it, Jason. We can’t—we can’t be friends anymore.”
“Why not?” he demanded. “Why shouldn’t we be?”
“The simple fact that if I ever have to see your fiancée again I’m afraid I might have to pummel her into the ground,” Elizabeth answered easily and without hesitation. “I won’t apologize for it, but I hate her. It doesn’t matter that she was right, she had no right to say what she did today and I just—can’t be around her.”
“So what does that have to do with us?” Jason asked.
“Don’t be thick, Jason. You—” Elizabeth sighed. “You’re going to marry her. You’re going to do whatever it takes to make her happy and you hanging around your ex-girlfriend won’t do that.”
“Don’t do that,” Jason told her. “Don’t go making your mind up about me like that. You hate when people do that to you, don’t do it to me. I’m not just Courtney’s fiancé, and I’m not just Sonny’s enforcer either,” he added.
“No,” Elizabeth murmured looking away. “But sometimes that’s all you think you are.”
You know I’m crying too
Right there with you
“I want to help,” Jason told her, ignoring the comment and the truth behind it. “And if Courtney can’t accept that, it’s not my problem.”
“There’s nothing for you to do,” she told him. “This is my—.life—.I have to start taking responsibility.” She pushed herself to a standing position. “And as soon as I get this all cleared away, I’ll figure out what I want to do.” She saw her easel across the room. “I still have that one woman show Ric set up. Why not take advantage of the one good thing he did?”
“Okay,” Jason said, rising to his feet. “But just because there’s nothing for me to do—does that mean we can’t talk?”
“What would we talk about?” Elizabeth asked. She started picking up shards of glass.
“We never needed a set list of topics before did we?” Jason questioned, helping her.
“This isn’t before, Jason. We’ve both changed and—there’s still—I’m still angry with you,” Elizabeth admitted, her eyes downcast. “And I don’t see that going away.”
“But why are you still angry?” he questioned. “You’ve moved on, what does it matter what happened in the past?”
“Because I trusted you. I trusted you with my life—and you wouldn’t return that. You didn’t trust me,” Elizabeth replied. “And we can’t be friends without trust.”
“Elizabeth—”
“I’m going to be okay now,” Elizabeth said, crossing to the kitchen to throw the shards into the recycling bin. “You can leave.”
“I don’t want to—”
“Don’t argue with me,” Elizabeth told him. She turned to face him. “Don’t make this difficult, Jason. You know we can’t be friends. It wouldn’t work.”
“Why can’t we just start over again? Develop that trust over again?”
“Because you will never trust me the way I want you to. And besides, Jason, we’ve come too far to just start over and be friends.” She bit her lip. “The truth of the matter is that we will always be more than friends and I just—.I need to deal with that.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Jason persisted, following her back to the living room. “If we’re still more than friends—”
“Because I still feel the same way I felt last summer,” Elizabeth confessed, crouching to pick up her wedding photo from among the glass shards. “That hasn’t changed, Jason. And I can’t be friends with someone I’m still in love with and watch them get married and be happy with someone else. Not right now. Not at this point in my life.”
He didn’t answer her, his mind still stuck with the still in love with part. She stared at the photograph again before starting to tear into tiny little pieces.
After a few moments she looked at him pointedly. “Don’t you have a wedding date to set?”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries, Ophelia
“I figure that we can just do it all over again the same way,” Courtney told Jason. “Same outfits, same wedding guests, you know?” She frowned when she realized he was reading the newspaper rather than listening to her. “What are you reading that’s more important than our wedding?”
“Ric’s body was found last night,” Jason reported. “It only took three days. I’m just wondering how long it’ll be before Baldwin decides to come get us.”
“Well, it’ll be okay. There’s no evidence you guys did anything.” Courtney smirked. “In fact, I bet you anything Elizabeth is the one who gets charged.”
Jason frowned and stared at her. “What do you mean by that?”
She shrugged. “Well, it’s not a big stretch. There’s no evidence against you two, it automatically turns to the wife. The wife who won’t show a lot of emotion, who will probably put the house on the market immediately, the wife who doesn’t have an alibi because she was unconscious. She can’t defend herself without incriminating you guys and if she knows what’s good for her, she won’t do that.”
Jason nodded. “Yeah, you’ve got a point. They just might turn it around on her.” He folded the paper and tossed it aside. “I need to talk to Sonny.”
“Wait a second, Jason, the wedding—” Courtney trailed off when he shut the door. “Damn it. When do I come first?”
Sonny was reading the same article when Jason entered the room. “I suppose you’ve read this already,” Sonny said.
“Yeah. I give Baldwin an hour tops before he knocks on your door,” Jason replied. “Courtney brought up something. They can’t pin this on us—but what about Elizabeth?”
“Courtney brought it up?” Sonny asked. “I don’t see Elizabeth running into any trouble.”
“Baldwin’s going to be suspicious if Elizabeth ends up selling the house really quick, she doesn’t have an alibi, she won’t be that upset, you know what I mean?”
“Baldwin will just assume she’s covering for us,” Sonny mused. “It’s nothing to be worried about it and if turns out to be something, we’ll deal with it.”
It’s the perfect thing to do sometimes
You know I’m crying too, right there with you
She slept in the guest room and had her things all packed, just waiting for time to pass so that she could put the house on the market. She had cried appropriately when Detective Capelli reported Ric’s body had been found. She had filed a missing person’s report the day before.
She had an appointment with the funeral home for the next day. Elizabeth was playing the grieving wife perfectly so she wasn’t sure why Jason was standing in front of her, encouraging her to leave town.
“Jason, they don’t suspect me,” Elizabeth tried again. “I’m not worried.”
“Well I am,” Jason replied. “You don’t know how Baldwin thinks. He’ll see this as a way to get to me and Sonny. He knows you didn’t do it, but he thinks we did.”
“Well, for once he’s right,” Elizabeth muttered. Jason’s face darkened.
“Does it bother you?” Jason demanded. “To know that I killed him?”
Elizabeth looked at him, stunned. “Jason—”
“Does it bother you to know that it’s not the first time I’ve taken a life?” Jason continued. “Or did you just never think about it?”
Her mouth wouldn’t work and she suspected even if she could get words out, she wouldn’t know what to say. What could she say?
“Look, forget it,” Jason said after a moment of silence. “I don’t want Baldwin coming after you, thinking he can use you.”
“Where is all this concern coming from?” Elizabeth asked curiously. “You’ve barely looked my way in months. And now I couldn’t get rid of you if I wanted to.”
He stepped closer to her. “I told you that I’ve made mistakes. I’m trying to make them right.”
“Jason—there are some mistakes you can’t fix,” Elizabeth said helplessly. She stepped back and turned to stare at the wall she knew hid the panic room. “If I didn’t need the money from selling this house, I think I’d bulldoze it to the ground.”
“Will you at least think about leaving?” Jason asked. Before Elizabeth could answer his cell phone rang and her face twisted in bitterness, thinking of all the other times it had interrupted them.
He turned away to fish it out of his pocket and answer. “Yeah?”
“It’s me,” Courtney chirped. “Where are you? We’re supposed to discuss a new date today.”
“Can’t it wait?” he replied, almost impatiently.
Courtney was silent for a moment. “Jason, where are you?” she asked softly.
“I’m at Elizabeth’s,” Jason answered without hesitated. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Elizabeth slip into the hallway that led to the kitchen.
“Why are you there?” she asked, irritated. “I thought it was over and done with.”
“Elizabeth and I are friends—”
“Since when?” the blonde demanded. “You two haven’t talked in months. What could you possibly have to discuss now?”
“I’m not going to do this with you,” Jason replied, not bothering to hide his impatience or tense tone.
“Do what? Discuss the fact that you’re over another woman’s house?” Courtney snapped.
“Don’t you trust me?”
“Not when it comes to Elizabeth.”
There was silence for a moments before Jason was able to speak. “I guess that’s it then. I’ll stay somewhere else. You can deal with the penthouse. Goodbye, Courtney.”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries, Ophelia
He hung up the phone and slipped back into his pocket before turning around to find Elizabeth was back in the room, taking the painting from her easel. “You’re packing already?”
“It’ll save me the trouble,” she murmured. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“No,” he answered. “Not anymore.”
She frowned at him momentarily before stacking a blank canvas on top of the unfinished one. “Okay.”
“You didn’t answer me. Will you at least think about leaving?”
She sighed. “Maybe. If what you say about Baldwin is true, I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay.” Jason shifted. “I should go anyway. Let you get back to packing.” His hand was on the door handle before she said his name. He looked at her over his shoulder.
“It doesn’t bother me,” she said softly. He frowned and turned around fully. “About Ric, I mean. You were just protecting Carly. He would have kept coming after her and probably Sonny, too.”
“I was protecting you too,” Jason admitted. “He just—threw you off him like you were a coat and you went flying across the room. I was worried you’d been hurt more seriously.”
She bit her lip. “And it’s not that I avoided thinking about your job, but most of the time I just—didn’t think of it. But if you really want my answer, I’ll tell you. No, the fact that what happened wasn’t the first time and that I’m aware it won’t be the last time—it doesn’t bother me and it never did.”
“Why not?” Jason asked, curiously.
“Because I knew it was either you or the other guy,” Elizabeth said softly, meeting his eyes. “And I was always grateful you came back.”
Cry, Ophelia
I’m crying too, right there with you
He stared at her for a few moments before looking away. Total acceptance what he did had never happened to him before and to tell the truth, he didn’t know how to respond to that.
“Are you gonna be okay here?” he asked. “I mean, by yourself?”
She sighed, stared at the couch where she knew it’d taken place. “I haven’t slept in three days,” she confessed quietly. “Every time I close my eyes, he’s there.”
Jason ran a hand through his hair. “I could stay if you want.”
She shook her head. “No. That’s okay. If it gets too bad, I can just go to a hotel or something. Besides—Courtney wouldn’t like it.”
Jason hesitated, thought about telling her that he’d just broken things off, but refrained. “Okay. But call me if you need something, all right?”
“All right,” Elizabeth agreed reluctantly. She smiled then, just a small weak one, but the closest thing to a genuine smile he’d seen in a long time. “You know what I could go for?”
“What’s that?”
“A ride,” Elizabeth said. “Do you have time?”
“Sure. Come on.” Jason pulled the door open and held it open until she passed him and headed towards the driveway where his bike was parked.
It was a start.
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries
Cry Ophelia won favorite short story in the 2003 General Hospital Reader’s Choice Awards!
As with my other Faith short, I was obsessed with her character on the show. I wrote this after she pushed Elizabeth down the stairs, sparing us a LiRic baby.
Timeline
This is set in late May 2003 after Faith pushed Elizabeth down the stairs, leading to her miscarriage. Faith targeted Elizabeth on several occasions, hoping to win Ric for herself.
Banner
All alone I didn’t like the feeling
All alone I sat and cried
For the first time since her husband died, she thought she might have found someone.
Someone who challenged her. Who felt the same burning need she did.
To take what Sonny Corinthos held dear and destroy it. Because he’d destroyed both their worlds without a second glance.
He’d taken Ric’s mother from him.
He’d taken her husband from her.
Mickey Roscoe had been her whole world. Her entire reason for breathing, for waking in the morning.
The reason she wasn’t another statistic.
All alone I had to find some meaning
In the center of the pain I felt inside
He’d saved her from a life on the streets at age seventeen Until the moment she’d met Michael “Mickey” Roscoe, her life had been a series of bad dreams and nightmarish events.
From her molesting and rapist father—whom she’d killed at age fifteen—to the mother who’d never really seen her, never really cared about her.
She didn’t remember pulling the trigger when she’d killed her father. She just remembered he’d come to her bedroom and she knew he wanted to rape her. Again.
Like he had for the past five years.
And she couldn’t take it anymore.
She’d shot him. And she’d decided that no man had the right to tell her what to do and would never hold that power again.
All alone I came into this world
All alone I will someday die
Mickey had understood that and she’d thought Ric had, too. She thought Ric understood why Sonny had to pay. He’d stolen their families, their worlds.
She’d been pregnant when Sonny had Mickey killed and she’d lost the child only months later. There’d been no one tell—no one to help her grieve. She’d channeled all her anger, all her misery into one goal.
Destroying Sonny.
And Ric should have seen that. He should have understood.
But he didn’t, not anymore. Not since that excruciatingly lame waitress had managed to trap him into a marriage.
But she needed Ric back. And she’d only begun to understand why.
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
Sand and water, and a million years gone by
For the first time since Mickey had died, she’d been able to envision the future. She’d seen a good one, too. When Sonny was gone, she and Ric would have his empire and they’re rule with an iron fist.
It was a dream she’d cultivated for months, and now she understood why she needed Ric with her.
Because she’d fallen in love with him.
And when she loved someone, it was with her whole entire body and soul. And she’d been unable to accept the fact that he didn’t love her back.
I will see you in the light of a thousand suns
I will hear you in the sound of the waves
Sex was cheap. Sex was easy. She had the looks, the body, the charm. She could get it when she wanted it. She’d been able to goad Ric into one night, hadn’t she?
But Ric was hung up on that twit—especially now that she was pregnant. He’d never leave her now. Not while he had the chance at a family.
Mickey had always told her to go after what she wanted and to make no apologies for her methods. Mickey had been a wonderful person with potential—someone who could have run Port Charles far better than Sonny ever could.
I will know you when I come, as we all will come
Through the doors beyond the grave
So she felt no remorse for tossing the little Webber angel down the steps. The girl had survived, hadn’t she?
She’d seen a threat and sought to remove it. Elizabeth’s pregnancy threatened her dream, her fantasy.
And threats were removed. That was the first rule in this business. Threats couldn’t be tolerated.
All alone I heal this heart of sorrow
All alone I raise this child
Sometimes she compared Ric and Mickey, and Ric always came up short. Not because he didn’t love her—she thought that maybe even if he did, it would never measure up to Mickey.
Mickey had known her—known her inside and out and he’d loved her anyway. He knew her father had molested her—that he’d worked his way up to rape. He knew she’d killed him and had sold her body to survive.
He’d known the deepest darkest blackest parts of her heart and he’d loved her anyway. Unconditional love was new to her, something she’d never experienced before.
Something she’d never have again.
Flesh and bone, he’s just
Bursting towards tomorrow
Ric, even if she could convince him to love her, would never know her like that. He could ask where the scars came from and maybe she’d be able to tell him, but she’d never cry herself to sleep in his arms because of it.
She’d never let him see one of her tantrums, one of her breakdowns. She’d never let him see one of her nightmares, where she woke up sweating, feeling dirty and clammy hands covering her body.
Because even if he did love her, she had a feeling that her past wouldn’t be good enough for him. And even if it was, he’d never really understand.
And his laughter fills my world and wears your smile
All alone I came into this world
But he was the first man since Mickey that she’d even considered a future with. And that had to mean something. Didn’t it?
He’d leave the little girl eventually when he started to feel suffocated by having to suppress his feelings of rage.
He’d come back to her and together, they’d finally destroy Sonny.
Ric would do it for his father, for the mother he’d never known.
And she would do it for the family that’d been ripped from her and the dreams that Sonny had crushed.
All alone I will someday die
Solid stone is just sand and water, baby
And maybe when she finally had Ric, she could stop missing her husband.
This was a sequel to Please Remember, and I only write it because I was so excited by the amount of replies I got at The Canvas (50!). Everyone wanted a sequel, and I thought this was my ticket to fame (I was 18, be kind, LOL), and so I wrote this. And then no one really read it. Also, the song I used has been sooo hard to find. It was like scrubbed from YouTube and Spotify, and I finally found it on Vimeo. It was one of the solo songs the Backstreet Boys individually sang at their shows.
He stands in front of the mirror and stares at himself. He can no longer recognize the person he’s become.
He feels her hands at his throat. “Jesus, did you tie this thing yourself?” Carly grumbles as she unties the silk fabric and redoes the bow.
He brushes her hands away. “Lay off, Carly,” he says quietly. Jason Morgan is getting married today—it’s his second marriage and he still doesn’t love the woman he’s about to wed.
He and Courtney had come together in a time of mutual despair and grief. She’d been thrown by her husband’s betrayal and Jason was desperate to feel anything at time when nothing colored his bleak world.
He stares at himself in the mirror and he wonders when his life became this. When he’d lost sight of who he was and what he wanted. Was it the day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his penthouse and took the color with her?
Was it the day he kissed a woman he barely knew and didn’t even like all that much in the rain? When he married a woman he couldn’t stand and pretended to love her?
All of those days counted—but the day that mattered the most—the day he really realized how deep a hole he’d dug himself—
The day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his life forever.
She’d left town shortly after their goodbye and hadn’t left a forwarding address. She’d felt no need. Their goodbye was done and their time together had ended. He’d briefly flirted with the idea of trying to find her but what good would that do? So he could know exactly how happy she was?
I tried to pick the pieces up
And I can’t think of starting over
Carly sighs loudly. “Honestly, Jason. You could at least pretend you’re excited,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You’re getting married.”
“Carly,” Jason says. She ignores him and moves around to his back, looking at him over his shoulder in the mirror and straightening his tuxedo jacket. “Carly,” he says again. She meets his eyes in the mirror and frowns.
Had Jason always looked this sad?
“What?” she asks, shoving the thought to the deepest part of her mind.
“I don’t love her,” Jason says quietly. “You know that, don’t you?”
Carly shakes her head. “Jason, don’t be silly—”
“Carly. I don’t love her,” Jason says again. “I’m only marrying her because she’s pregnant.”
“That’s nonsense,” Carly murmurs. She steps in front of him to fasten his vest securely. “You dated her for nearly seven months. You have to feel something for her.”
“I care about her,” Jason admits. “But I’ll never love her.”
“You could learn to love her,” Carly says. She takes a step back and straightens lapels of his jacket.
“Carly, would you just stop being Sonny’s wife and Courtney’s sister-in-law and listen to me for a second?” he asks, not able to control the biting tone of his voice. Carly looks up at him, her eyes sad.
“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I don’t mean to dismiss your feelings like that.”
“I know,” Jason replies. “But will you listen to me when I tell you that I don’t love Courtney and I never will?”
We used to share the stars above
I don’t wanna think it changed
“Jason, you can’t shut yourself away from the world,” Carly tells him. “I know it’s been a tough year, but you never gave Courtney a chance to win you over.” She gives him a small smile. “I’m not blind, you know. Sometimes I’d just rather pretend I don’t see things.”
She sighs and steps away from him, crossing to the bedroom door of his penthouse. She opens it and peeks down the hall to ensure no one is there. When she’s satisfied, she closes the door and turns to him. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
Jason’s brow creases in a frown. “What?”
“Elizabeth Webber.” For once, the scathing and insulting tone is absent from Carly’s voice when she speaks of the other woman. “It’s her you’ve loved all along and nothing will ever change that.”
Jason stares at her for a few moments before nodding. “I will always love Elizabeth.”
For the first time in forever, Carly doesn’t launch into an explanation about why Elizabeth was never right for him and why he’s better off without her. Instead she sighs. “Then why did you ever let her get away?”
“She wanted to go,” Jason replies simply. “And now she’s gone and I have no idea where she went. She doesn’t need me, Carly.” He lifts his shoulders in a simple shrug. “And Courtney does.”
Carly sighs and looks away. She runs her finger along the mahogany dresser. “She lived here for only a month,” she says. “And I grew to respect her. Because I could see that she cared about you. The day I told her Sonny was dead, she was so worried about you, Jason. She couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t come home and why you never called. I knew. I knew why you were doing it. I didn’t agree but it wasn’t my place to judge you.”
She looks up and meets his eyes. “You couldn’t face her. And by the time you could, you’d convinced yourself you didn’t deserve her or her love. And you let her walk out. And you were surprised when she wouldn’t come back when you made half-ass attempts to get her back.”
She paused and studied him for a second. “Tell me, Jason, did you ever tell her that you were sorry for leaving her in this penthouse for days on end without word—without even a simple telephone call? Did you ever tell her how you felt?”
Jason shakes his head slowly. “No,” he tells her. “I never did.”
She nods, as if she expected his answer. “You have two choices, Jason.”
And now I gotta move on
I’ve gotta catch up to the world
“You can go downstairs and leave this building to go the church. You can wait down at the end of the aisle for Courtney. You can marry her and raise your child with her—a child, Jason, that I know you’ve wondered if it is even yours. You can do that and be miserable the rest of your life.”
She takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m even suggesting this. Sonny would disown me,” she mutters under her breath. “Or you can get out of the monkey suit and decide what it is you want from your life. Do you want to be Sonny’s errand-boy the rest of your life? Do you want to live a life where you come home to a woman you don’t love and never will?”
“Or do you want to go and find out if there’s hope for your own happiness after all?” Carly finishes with a heavy sigh.
Jason looks down at his tuxedo-clad body. “Why are you doing this, Carly?” he asks.
She steps forward and touches his face. “Jason—I know I’m not always very grateful for what you’ve done for me and I guess we could chalk that up me being selfish.” She chuckles. “And we both know I might be the most selfish woman alive.”
Jason just shakes his head. “Carly—”
“No,” she says, holding up her hand. “Let me finish. You took care of my son—loved him like he was your own—simply because I asked you to. I know how much that decision wrecked your life, but Jason, trust me, Robin wasn’t right for you. I don’t know—maybe she was once upon a time. But—” She sighs. “You did it anyway. You did everything in your power to make sure I always had Michael—even when I betrayed your trust and slept with Sonny. Jason—you have been the best friend a girl could ask for and what have I given you lately? A lot of grief. I know I pushed you into this decision. Sonny and I both did, and I apologize. I know I never let up on Elizabeth and I’m sorry for that as well.” She gives him a sheepish smile. “In all honesty, I was afraid she’d take you from me. That she would replace me in your life.”
“Carly—”
“I know. I know, it was stupid and I should have known better. And I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so very sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”
He takes a step towards her and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Carly, I don’t hold any of that against you. I did this to myself. It’s my fault. Elizabeth walked away because I made her feel like she didn’t matter. And she stayed away because I wasn’t the person she cared about anymore.”
Even though I gave you my life
As wrong as it seems I know it’s right
“I look at myself in the mirror, Carly and I don’t recognize myself,” Jason says quietly. “I’ve lost myself. I married Brenda and I slept with Courtney. Two things I never would have done if I’d been thinking about it at all. I let Elizabeth walk out of my life for good without once telling her how I feel.”
“And how do you feel?” Carly asks tentatively, hoping for once Jason will be honest and answer question.
He steps away from him and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn’t answer at first and Carly deflates, disappointed. He won’t tell her—and why should he? Since when has she actually been a friend to him? Why should he tell her how he feels the first time she acts like one?
She’s startled when he begins to speak but listens closely. “I love her,” Jason admits. “I love her more than anything in my entire life. She’s such a wonderful person, Carly. I wish you’d given her a chance. She’s so loyal—she never lets anyone tell her what to do or who to see. You remember how she protected me that Christmas I spent at her studio.” Jason chuckles to himself, remembering. “My little attack dog.”
Carly gives him a brief smile as he continues, “I was lost when we first became friends. Robin and Michael were gone. You and Sonny were at each other’s throats. I was living in world that was black. But Elizabeth—one night she was at Jake’s, trying to drown the pain of losing Lucky by finding something that hurt worse.” He looked up, his eyes swollen and red. “And she brought color to my life. She painted me a picture of what it felt like to ride my bike. She loved going on that thing—used to beg me to let her drive. When we’d go around the turns, she’d scream for me to go faster. I’ve never met anyone else who loves to ride as much as I do, but Elizabeth said it made her feel free.”
Carly’s eyes mist with tears as Jason pours his heart out to her. How has she managed to ignore what Elizabeth did for Jason? How much she means to him? Has she been that blind—that ignorant—that scared of losing her place in his life that she’d refused to see how happy he was around her?
“She’s so small,” Jason murmurs. “I feel like I’m ten times bigger than I am when I’m around her. Her hands fit into mine so neatly and her head fits right underneath my chin.”
He looks up at her and meets her eyes. “I love her so much, Carly, that it hurts to breathe knowing she’s in another town—living somewhere else and that she doesn’t know how much I care—how much I needed her.”
But is there a trace that I can go away
To escape the love that I will forever know
“You can’t marry Courtney,” Carly tells him. She shakes her head sadly. “I know she’s pregnant—but marriage isn’t the answer. You don’t love her Jason and you can’t sentence yourselves to a loveless marriage. You both deserve more.”
“She’s pregnant, Carly and Sonny—”
“Oh, fuck Sonny,” Carly retorts. “Are you Sonny’s errand boy or are you Jason Morgan? You can’t be both.”
“Carly—”
“Don’t get me wrong. I adore Sonny. He’s my life. But he’s been pushing this marriage since the second he found out Courtney was pregnant. And you and I both know she’s been seeing AJ once in a while. And as your best friend, I won’t allow you do this.”
Jason cracks a ghost of a smile. “You won’t allow me?” he repeats, a little amused.
“Look, Jase, you can be in this kid’s life without marrying Courtney,” Carly says. “If we’re really lucky, Jase, we get to find true love once in a lifetime. You never let me give up on Sonny. And as much as this pains me, I’m not letting you give up on Elizabeth.”
“We said goodbye,” Jason argues.
“Yeah? And you can say hello when you find her.”
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still
Jason shakes his head. “That’s not the way it is between the two of us,” he tells her. “When I first left town, she refused to say goodbye. She said it was too final. And we haven’t said goodbye ever since.” He takes a deep breath. “But when she came to give me the painting a few weeks ago—she said it. She said we had to do it because that’s the way it had to be.”
“Well, yeah—and at the time you were going to marry Courtney,” Carly says. “I’d say goodbye too. Marriage—is such a final blow to any relationship. I know that sounds really weird but you know what I mean. I’m sure Elizabeth felt that whatever the two of you shared or should have shared or whatever—that it was in the past and since you were getting married, it would have to stay in the past. So maybe she needed the closure.”
Jason looks away. “Maybe.”
“Jason. I know you like to let people live their own lives—and really—that’s a very admirable quality—but sometimes—people need to feel that they matter. That they’re worth fighting for.” Carly pauses. “Elizabeth fought so hard for you all the time. I know she made mistakes—but you have, too. Everyone does. It’s a part of life. Don’t you think that a love as strong as what you feel for her—don’t you think that’s worth fighting for?”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same?” Jason asks, a little nervously. “What if I throw this all away and she doesn’t love me?”
“And what if you don’t throw this all away and she does?” Carly asks. “You’ve never been worried about what ifs, don’t start now.”
Jason looks at her and frowns. “And how am I supposed to break the news to Sonny and Courtney?”
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Carly laughs. “You leave that to me, Jase. I think you’ve got some searching to do.”
Jason kisses her on the forehead. “Thanks, Carly. For being a friend.”
“Well—I figured you were due,” she replies. “After everything you’ve done for me, it’s about time I returned the favor.” She gives a little shove towards the closet. “Now, go change and do what it is you have to do to find Elizabeth. I’ll go take care of the Corinthos siblings.”
Carly steps out of the room and heads down the steps. She knows that she’s just encouraged Jason to run away on his wedding day and find the girl she never quite approved of.
She also knows that Jason deserves to be as happy as she is and as much as it pains her to say it—the happiest she’s ever seen Jason is around Elizabeth.
And if Elizabeth can invoke feelings like that in a man like Jason—
Well she couldn’t be all that bad, right?
Where can we go from here
Why, why do I cry inside
When love is gone away
Jason is halfway packed when Benny calls him back. He hadn’t expected it so soon and was a little surprised when Benny reeled off Elizabeth’s address so easily.
Apparently, Elizabeth had registered to vote a week before and there she was. Elizabeth Webber. 245 Cedar Drive, Apt 121. Tallahassee, Florida.
Jason tells Benny to book him a flight before he can change his mind. He’s sure that if he thinks about the decision he’s made long enough—he’ll get back into that tuxedo and marry Courtney.
It’s altogether possible, he realizes, that Elizabeth will slam the door in his face.
But it’s a possibility Jason needs to take. He needs to know that they’re completely over.
He needs to tell Elizabeth that he loves her so—just so she has all the facts before she tells him goodbye again.
Maybe once he does that—he could be okay with their goodbye.
And how, How can I carry on
When I know all the love is gone
Carly enters the church and spots Sonny in the hall outside the bridal chamber. He frowns seeing her there alone.
Sonny’s eyes narrow and he takes a step towards his wife. “Explain. Now.”
She shrugs. “Nothing to explain. Jason doesn’t love your sister. He loves Elizabeth and until he puts that chapter to rest for good, he’ll never move on.”
“He and Elizabeth put that to rest a long time ago,” Sonny replies. “He got my sister pregnant—he needs to marry her.”
“Sonny, this is not the 1950s and Jason does not answer to you in matters of the heart,” Carly retorts. “And as much as I hate it, Elizabeth and Jason will never be over. She makes him happy, Sonny. And I know you realize it.”
“Carly—” Sonny begins heatedly.
“Drop it,” Carly says, sharply. “Jason has sacrificed everything for you. Don’t ask him to give up the one person he loves more than anything else in the world. Don’t you dare ask him to turn his back on his heart.”
Sonny sighs and looks away. “He loves her that much?”
“He loves her almost as much as I love you,” Carly answers. She heads to the bridal door. “I need to tell Courtney.”
Where can I go to get away
From the pain of loving you
Courtney is standing in the middle of the room, wearing a poufy white dress and staring at herself in the mirror.
“Jason’s not coming,” Carly says bluntly.
Courtney turns, her blue eyes a little startled. “What? What do you mean he’s not coming?”
Carly walks forward until they’re separated by only a few feet of space. “He’s not marrying you. He’s left town to find someone.”
Courtney sighs and looks away. “He went after Elizabeth, didn’t he?”
Carly frowns. “How did you know that?” she asks.
Courtney gives her sister-in-law a nasty look. “Who else would Jason abandon me and our child for?”
“Oh, don’t give me that boo-hoo woe-is-me crap. I invented it,” Carly snaps. “You’re not even sure Jason’s the father.”
Courtney pales. “He’s probably the father,” she whispers faintly.
“Probably ain’t good enough,” Carly replies. “Don’t worry—Jason will always provide for his child. He just doesn’t have to marry the mother.” She heads to the door. “Sorry it has to be this way.”
“No you’re not,” Courtney calls after her.
Carly turns and cocks her head to the side. “No. You’re right. I’m not.”
She shuts the door quietly behind her and goes to think about that little realization for a while.
Tell me where
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still
When Elizabeth opens the door the next morning, she wonders if the early morning sun is playing tricks on her. Because she knows that Jason cannot possible be standing in front of her.
He doesn’t say anything, he just looks for her for a while and finally, just when she thinks she can’t handle the silence, he speaks. “I came to tell you something.”
She sighs and looks away. “Jason—we said everything that needed to be said before I left.” Elizabeth frowns suddenly. “Yesterday was your wedding day.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I couldn’t do it. I don’t love her.”
She nibbles on her lower lip as if trying to gage his answer and what it means in regards to her. “But she’s pregnant,” Elizabeth says finally.
“And I don’t have to marry her to be a part of the baby’s life,”Jason said. “Elizabeth—”
“Why are you making this so hard?” she whispers. “I thought we agreed that this was for the best.”
“No,” Jason tells her. “I never wanted to say goodbye. But you wanted to, so I did it. Because I’d do anything for you.”
“Jason—”
“Just let me say what I came here to say and if you—if you still don’t want anything to do with me—all right. I’ll have to accept that. But I refuse to let you go and not tell you.”
“All right,” Elizabeth says, almost sure that there’s nothing Jason can say to fix this—to make her change her mind.
He doesn’t speak at first—takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as if whatever he’s going to say is so mind-boggling and important that he needs to gather his strength. “I love you.”
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Her hand, still wrapped around the brass doorknob of her apartment door, tightens. She holds on to the door frame with the other hand so that he can’t see how much she is trembling.
Her lips parted and her tongue darted out to moisten her suddenly dry lips. “Jason—”
“I never should have said goodbye without telling you that,” Jason tells her. “I’ve spent far too much time letting you walk away and not telling you how I felt. I didn’t fight for us and I was wrong. I should have let you know how much I loved you and how much you mattered to me and how the rest of my world is different when you’re not there.”
Despite herself and her best judgment, Elizabeth’s eyes soften. “Jason, you can’t just walk in here, tell me you love me and expect to make it all better.”
“I know that,” Jason replies. “I can’t take a magic wand and pretend that the last nine or so months didn’t happen. I can’t go back to September and take back the things I did and I’m sorry. I wish I could. But I can’t change what’s happened.” He takes a deep breath. “But I can change the future. And I can tell you how much I love you and I can tell you how much you matter to me and the rest of my world is different without you.”
“What do you want from me?” Elizabeth asks, quietly. She knows she shouldn’t give in—they’ve said goodbye, a word that between them was supposed to be final—no going back.
And maybe they can’t. Maybe they can’t take that goodbye back. Maybe it was okay to have said it and meant it.
“I want a chance,” Jason tells her. “I’m not asking for anything more concrete than that—just a chance.”
Because sometimes you had to let things go in order to find out how much you really needed them in your life—and how much you were really needed in theirs.
You had to let things go so that they could come back to you.
“All right,” Elizabeth tells him. “Let’s try this again.” He steps forward, unable to contain his smile, but she holds a hand up. “But we have a lot of work to do before this is all okay, Jason. You hurt me. And I hurt you. And we can’t keep doing it over and over again.”
He holds out his hand and Elizabeth studies it. She walked away from it once and regretted it the rest of her life. A few weeks ago, she took it and went with him on a final ride so she could say goodbye.
She’s not sure what she’s agreeing to if she takes it. Going back to Port Charles, staying here? Going somewhere else?
Does it matter?
She slips her small hand in his and gives him a tremulous smile. Maybe—
The only thing I remember about writing this story is that it is the first and only story I ever posted at The Canvas to hit 50 replies. I immediately wrote a sequel, Where Do We Go From Here, and it got like 15. Ha. I also remember sitting in my living room writing this on my old laptop, but it’s really just a memory flash. Other than that, I got nothing.
Timeline
This is stet in June of 2003, but it’s kind of a murky timeline. Jason and Elizabeth have been broken up since October. It looks as if she either never dated Ric or has left him as well. Jason and Courtney are dating.
Banner
Time, sometimes the time just slips away
She stood outside the door, clutching the package wrapped in brown paper. She forced herself to knock, reminding herself that this was a good idea. That it was the right thing to do.
She was going to be calm. She was going to be nice. She was going to be mature about the situation.
The door swung open after a few minutes and he looked at her for a few minutes before saying anything. It’d been months literally since they’d laid eyes on one another. He’d made it his business to carefully avoid the places she frequented and she had actually quit her job, moved to a new apartment just to keep from seeing him.
“Hi,” she said softly. She looked down, away from his gaze.
“Hi,” he replied. He slid his hand down the edge of the door to the knob. “Elizabeth. It’s…it’s been a while.”
“Six months, two weeks and seven days,” Elizabeth told him softly.
“Oh,” Jason replied, a little uncomfortable with having it reeled off so easily. It was actually rather miraculous that they’d managed to live in the same town and go that long without even running into each other.
“I just—” Elizabeth shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I came to give you—” She looked up and met his gaze directly. “I came to give you a wedding present.”
And you’re left with yesterday
Left with the memories
There didn’t seem to be enough air in the entire world for Jason to breathe. He felt like someone had just suckered punched him. He should have known Elizabeth would find out—but for some foolish reason, he’d tried to avoid the idea.
“You didn’t—” Jason shook his head and swallowed hard. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to,” Elizabeth replied quietly. “We were—we were friends once, and I—friends do things like this for each other. I didn’t get the chance to—when you were married to Brenda—” Elizabeth stopped abruptly and took a deep breath. “I just—I wanted to thank you.”
Jason frowned. “Thank me?” He couldn’t think of one reason for Elizabeth to thank him. Hit him, yell at him—maybe—but thanking him—?
“You saved my life,” Elizabeth replied, simply. “A few times and I just—I wanted to make sure you knew that our friendship was very important to me.”
“It was important to me, too,” Jason told her, feeling the sharp stinging pain of referring to it in the past tense. “And you saved my life, too.”
I, I’ll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
Elizabeth blinked back the sudden tears that sprung to her eyes. She looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. “I just—be happy, okay?”
He nodded and tried to speak past the lump in his throat. “You, too,” he managed to say. “That’s—that’s all I ever wanted.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “I, um, was invited to the wedding,” Elizabeth said, looking back at him. “But I hope you understand why I can’t come.”
“I do,” Jason replied, wanting so very badly to tell her why he was marrying in the first place but finding himself unable to do it. There were too many people involved—too many people that would be hurt if Jason spoke the truth and he had new responsibilities now. He couldn’t let them down. “Elizabeth—”
“I’m so glad I was part of your life,” Elizabeth whispered. “And I’m so thankful you were in mine.” She held out the package.
Jason took it and as their hands held it together for a split second, she said it.
“Goodbye, Jason.”
She let go and it hung listlessly in his hands. He blinked back the sudden moisture in his own eyes. Goodbye.
She’d never spoken that word before. Not even when she’d walked out of the penthouse or walked away from him in the park.
Elizabeth waited a moment but when he didn’t say anything, she turned away and went to the elevator.
When he heard the ding of the elevator doors closing, he stepped back into the penthouse and stared at the package she’d given him.
All of the other gifts—Courtney had said they were supposed to wait until the wedding, but Jason didn’t want to. Didn’t care about traditions.
He ripped the package off, revealing the canvas underneath. His heart stopped, his stomach dropped.
She’d given him The Wind.
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
Elizabeth paused in her methodically packing and looked up at the door. No one came by anymore. Not since Lucky went to London, Nikolas and Gia went off to New York City so she could attend school, or Zander went to Arizona to visit Emily in rehab.
Not since Audrey had died of a sudden massive coronary.
She stood up, shoving a few boxes out of her way and pulled open the heavy door Jason had put in after the kidnapping. Her heart skipped a beat.
“Jason,” she breathed. “What—what are you doing here?”
Jason held up the painting and shook his head. “I can’t take this.”
She frowned and looked down. “Oh. I can understand why you don’t want it. I mean, it’s not that good—”
“No,” Jason cut in. “That’s not it. I do want it.”
“Well, then why can’t you take it?” Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms tightly. It was June but she still felt cold.
“B-because,” Jason stopped, tried to think of how to explain this. How could he tell her he couldn’t take this painting because he couldn’t say goodbye to her? “It’s not something I can take with me.” He met her eyes, recognized the misery he knew was reflected in his. “It’s one I have to come back to.”
Her lower lip trembled at the sound of the familiar words and she mustered the strength to tell him.
“That only works if I’m here,'” she told him quietly. “And I won’t be.” She looked down at the ground. “I’m moving, Jason. I’m leaving Port Charles.”
I won’t forget so don’t forget
The memories we made
He gripped the door frame and took a deep breath. “What—why?”
Elizabeth sighed. “Because I don’t have anything left here,” she said quietly. “My grandmother is dead. I have nothing left tying me here.”
He hated that she was right. He hated the fact that she’d suffered through Audrey’s death alone—her family not even coming for the funeral. He hated that he’d been unable to be there for her.
He’d stood in the back of the church on the day of viewing and watched Elizabeth sit alone in the front pew—the rows of the church filled with colleagues from the hospital and old friends. Some spoke, but no one came near Elizabeth.
He couldn’t understand why they’d profess to miss Audrey but deny Elizabeth comfort in her grief. He’d watched as the people filed out of the church and Elizabeth waited until everyone was gone before her small shoulders started to shake with tears.
He’d wanted to sit next to her and wrap his arms around her, but he didn’t. He didn’t know why he didn’t or what kept him from doing so, but he’d waited until her sobs had quieted before leaving.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just—”
“You what?” Elizabeth asked, tired of the word games they seemed to play these days.
“I can’t say goodbye.”
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
“Sure you can,” Elizabeth said, adopting a sarcastic tone. “You can say it, turn around and walk away.” Her gaze turned angry, her eyes burning a hole right through him. “It’s never stopped you before.”
He flinched, stung. He deserved that. He’d walked away from Elizabeth, left town three times. The third time—he could have called her on the lie that had spilled from her lips about wanting Lucky. But he’d been to stung by her rejection to think clearly and he’d let her walk away.
He’d let her walk away one too many times and now—now she was walking away again.
And he had a miserable feeling that he couldn’t stop her this time.
“I’m sorry,” Jason repeated. “I never should have let you walk out that night.”
“You’re about nine months too late,” Elizabeth remarked.
“I know.” He shifted. “I thought it needed to be said anyway.” He looked away, down the hall. “She’s pregnant.”
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
She blinked. Blinked again. “What?”
“Courtney,” Jason said. “She’s pregnant. That’s why we’re getting married.”
“Oh,” Elizabeth said softly. Courtney Matthews was pregnant with Jason’s baby. She would have his child—a little boy or girl that looked just like him.
Her eyes burned with tears as she stared over his shoulder. How many times had she fantasized about starting a family with Jason? Having his children? Being his wife?
Fantasies. Dreams. That’s all they ever were.
“I was going to break up with her,” Jason continued, bringing Elizabeth back to the present. “I’m not in love with her and I was—I was going to tell her so but—” Jason stopped and sighed.
“She told you she was pregnant,” Elizabeth finished, sadly. She sighed deeply. “Well, congratulations.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, it’s—” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Jason, it’s over.”
Please remember, please remember me
Goodbye, there’s just no sadder word to say
He shook his head, almost forcibly. “No. I don’t—I refuse to believe that.”
She sighed and studied him with sad, sympathetic eyes. He looked different. His hair was a little longer, there were circles under his eyes and he looked like he’d lost a little weight.
He looked miserable.
“It has to be,” Elizabeth said, softly. “You’re getting married. And you and me—we can’t be friends anymore.”
“Why?” Jason demanded. “Give me one good reason why.”
“Because we don’t remember how to do that,” Elizabeth insisted. “We haven’t been just friends in so long—there’s always going to be more between us and we can’t do that anymore.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, it wouldn’t be fair to Courtney,” Elizabeth said quietly. “And I’m through hurting other people.”
He sighed and looked away. She was right. No matter how much he wanted it—he and Elizabeth could never be just friends.
They had always been more than friends and it wasn’t fair to anyone else involved.
And it’s sad to walk away
With just the memories
“Just say it,” Elizabeth said softly. “Say it and go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
Jason shook his head. “No. I can’t—I let you walk away before and I—I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“It’s too late,” Elizabeth firmly. “I—we can’t go back. You can’t change it.”
“I know that,” Jason said, almost irritated. “But the future—”
“You’re getting married,” Elizabeth said. “You’re marrying Courtney. That’s the future. You’re starting a family and I’m moving out of town.”
“I know. But—”
“But nothing.” Elizabeth’s tone turned gentle. “Look, we—our chance—it’s gone now. Okay? I don’t like it, but it’s reality, Jason. You never used to do this. You never—”
“I never made so many mistakes like this,” Jason argued. “And now, it’s like I can’t stop doing it. One stupid thing after another.” He took a deep breath. “All right. I’ll say it. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it.”
“It is,” Elizabeth lied. “It’s what has to happen.”
Who’s to know what might have been
We’ll leave behind a life and time
I’ll never know again
“Come with me,” Jason said suddenly. He set the canvas down, just inside the door and stretched his hand out.
Elizabeth blinked back more tears at the sight of the familiar pose—she’d turned it down once before.
“Jason—”
“Just for a little while.” He didn’t let his hand fall to his side, kept it hanging in the air. “If we’re—if we’re going to say goodbye, let me do it right.”
Curiously, Elizabeth took his hand and let him lead her out of the apartment. He paused while she locked the door.
He led her down the stairs, out of the door and to the alley where she stopped suddenly.
It’d been more than two years since she’d been this close to his motorcycle. And it seemed fitting to end their friendship the same it had begun.
With a ride.
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
He handed her the helmet but she shook her head. “I don’t want to wear it,” Elizabeth told him. “I can’t feel the wind on my face with it on.”
Jason hesitated but nodded. “All right.” He put the helmet back on the side of the bike and got on. He put the key in the ignition and started it. Elizabeth straddled the seat and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly.
“If—” Jason stopped and took a deep breath. He forced himself to finish the first words he’d ever said to her before a ride. “If you don’t like something, just yell.”
Elizabeth didn’t bother to blink the tears back this time. He couldn’t see them anywhere. The tears slid down her face and she leaned her face on his back, turned it sideways, letting her cheek rest on his t-shirt.
Jason pulled away from the alley, trying to ignore the warm tears seeping through the shirt.
And remember, Please remember me
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Her tears only lasted for a few minutes. As if recognizing her misery, he took up the cliff roads first. He went fast—just like she liked it and took the turns even faster. He drove the roads twice—he contemplating just riding out of Port Charles altogether.
The idea was tempting—just taking Elizabeth and running away from everything. He knew if he removed the other people in their lives, they would have made it.
But he knew that idea wouldn’t work. She was right. No matter how much he didn’t want it to be true—
The day he’d never wanted to come was here.
It was time to say goodbye.
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
He pulled the bike to a stop at familiar place. The statues where they’d tried it before. She said they couldn’t see each other and asked him to take her home.
Elizabeth got off the bike and crossed her arms. She walked over to the statue of the girl and studied her.
Jason silently turned off the bike and swung her leg over the side. He stood a few feet behind Elizabeth.
“She’s not smiling,” she murmured. She turned around and looked at him. “I never came back up here, you know.”
“Why not?” Jason asked. “You seemed to like it before.”
“It didn’t seem right,” Elizabeth replied. “I didn’t want to come alone and I didn’t want to bring anyone else.”
Then remember, please remember me
“I should have brought you back up here once I came back last year,” Jason said. “I should have done a lot a things differently.”
“It’s not your fault,” Elizabeth remarked. “I’m not completely blameless. I made mistakes—I hurt you, I know that.” She sighed and looked back to the statue. “I just wish—”
When she didn’t continue, he took a step towards her. “What?”
Her eyes were glittering with tears. “I wish we weren’t a regret. I wish we could have had a real chance.”
His eyes softened and he touched her face, cupped her cheek. She leaned into his touch, much the way she had that night in the penthouse.”
And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how a dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
Her warm tears splashed his hand and he took another step towards. “So do I,” Jason said softly. “I wish I had tried.”
He leaned down and brushed her lips gently. Elizabeth sighed, her mouth opening up to him. The kiss was both passionate and gentle. It was bittersweet, since it would more than likely be their last.
He changed the angle of the kiss, his other hand coming up to thread through her hair. Her hands clutched at his back, fisted in his maroon t-shirt.
He didn’t want to stop kissing her. Didn’t want to break contact. Because then he’d have to take her home and say goodbye.
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
Finally, he raised his head and stepped away. Elizabeth let go and touched his face. When her thumb caressed his cheek, he realized that a few tears had escaped his eyes.
“I think we’d better go,” she whispered.
He nodded wordlessly.
He let her drive back to her apartment.
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me
She stepped in front of her apartment door and opened it. She leaned in and pulled The Wind. “I really want you to have this,” Elizabeth said, holding it out to him.
He took it this time. “All right.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Goodbye, Jason.”
He leaned in and kissed her forehead before taking a large step back. His eyes locked on hers.
“Goodbye, Elizabeth.”
He waited a moment and walked down the hall. When Elizabeth heard his footsteps fade, she sagged against the doorjamb and started to cry.
Inspiration
I spent the majority of Fall and early Winter 2002 reuniting Jason and Elizabeth. It’s not surprise I barely remember writing most of them, LOL. I will say I was easily inspired by songs and this is one of my favorite all-time Celine Songs.
Timeline
This is set in late January of 2003. At this point, Jason and Brenda’s murder trial had concluded and his relationship with Courtney was public. Elizabeth had begun seeing Ric. Looking at this story now, I think maybe I wrote it before the murder trial got underway because this has Jason not being on trial at all and he was, LOL. Anyway, it’s set around the anniversary of Ruby Anderson’s death. Ruby had managed Kelly’s from the 1980s until her death in January 1999. She hired Elizabeth.
Banner
There’s so much life I’ve left to live
And this fire is burning still
She sat by herself after closing one night shortly before the end of January. The snow was falling softly outside and the diner was silent save for the small sounds of her tears.
The Alcazar murder trial had ended earlier that month—Brenda Barrett had been found guilty of second-degree murder. On her way to Pentonville, the prison van was stopped and she managed to escape. It was rumored that her husband had spirited her out of the country, but Jason Morgan had made a big show of going out to dinner with Sonny Corinthos that night with his wife Carly and sister Courtney.
Jasper Jacks, however, disappeared around the same time as Brenda. They’d put all points bulletins out on both, but with Brenda’s connections and Jax’s fortune, it was doubtful that they would be found unless they wanted to be.
Life had gone on as normally as it ever would in Port Charles. Skye Quartermaine filed for divorce, citing abandonment. Jason obtained his annulment and his relationship with Courtney Quartermaine became more public, only fueling the misery and bitterness of her estranged husband, AJ.
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
Sonny and Carly seemed to be stronger than ever and seemed content to ignore their lawyer’s strange behavior. Elizabeth didn’t care if Ric Lansing sometimes had strange dreams about explosions or muttered strange names in his sleep. He made her laugh.
And there were few people in her world that made her laugh these days. She’d stay with anyone as long as they didn’t make her cry.
Anyway, besides the occasional date with Ric, Elizabeth was pretty much on her own. Nikolas and Gia were busy arguing over law school and the wedding, Zander was always working and Lucky was busy with his father and Laura Spencer’s look-alike, Summer.
The reason she was sitting alone in Kelly’s that evening had nothing to do with any of that. It was the three-year mark. Ruby Anderson, the woman who had seen fit to hire Elizabeth over five years ago and keep her on—despite Elizabeth’s incompetence as a waitress—she’d died three years ago today.
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
Elizabeth and Ruby hadn’t always gotten along during the two and half years they’d worked together, but they’d gained a healthy respect for one another. After her rape, Ruby had afforded her all the time off she needed with no questions asked. She’d thought the younger woman was a wonderful influence on her nephew, Lucky.
And sometimes Elizabeth missed her. They could call it Ruby’s Chili all they wanted, but it wasn’t the same and people could tell. Kelly’s wasn’t the same without the fiery proprietor. Tammy had been a good friend and Elizabeth had enjoyed working for her and of course, Bobbie was always great to be around. But they weren’t Ruby.
And tonight, for some reason, when Bobbie had reminded them of the day, it had saddened Elizabeth. So, here she sat, nearly an hour after Kelly’s had closed—and she was crying.
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I’m in love with you
He’d tried to be a little unhappy when Courtney had told him her decision that evening, but he was pretty sure the feeling was more of relief than disappointment.
“I really—I really care about you Jason—but I love AJ. And I—I can’t just turn that off because I want to. I owe it to myself to give him one last chance.”
Jason had told her he understood, wished her happiness and he’d left the loft he rented for the last time. She was moving out the next day anyway. Although she’d given up her and AJ’s old apartment, she and AJ were going to move into a larger and nice apartment in a better part of town.
It’d been nice while it lasted – it’d been nice to be around someone and know that nothing was at stake, that he wasn’t risking anything to be with them. No one had really known about their relationship outside a small circle of people and he preferred it that way.
‘Cause I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
He regretted that Elizabeth was one of those people—he was never quite sure how she’d known for sure. The guilt had been so immense on both their parts that he and Courtney had made efforts to keep it especially hidden from her. At least, he had. Sometimes he wasn’t so sure about Courtney.
If Jason really wanted to be honest with himself, he’d admit that Courtney’s love for AJ wasn’t the only reason his relationship with her had failed. It’d been his feelings for Elizabeth that ultimately held him back.
Everything between the two of them was messy—the breakup had been messy, the subsequent meetings afterward had been full of misunderstandings. They’d pulled away from each other. They had both been running scared.
He missed his best friend. He missed the way she’d laugh, the way her eyes would sparkle after a night ride on the cliff roads, the way she bit her lower lip, the way she babbled—
He missed everything about Elizabeth Webber.
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
He stood outside in the courtyard as the snow fell around him. He watched through the window as she sat, curled up in a chair, her face tear stained. He wondered what had made her cry—was it a fight with her grandmother? No, Jason knew that couldn’t be it. Audrey Hardy had left shortly after Christmas for a six month vacation in Hawaii. Elizabeth, Sarah and an older brother Jason had never met had chipped to send their grandmother to paradise.
Elizabeth hadn’t told him that—Jason had heard it from Courtney who thought it was the sweetest thing over.
Was it Lucky or Luke Spencer? Jason knew Elizabeth had renewed her friendship with the Spencer family, but he hadn’t seen either around town lately. He didn’t think they’d be the reason she cried.
His fists clenched involuntarily and he wondered if it was his lawyer, Ric, who had made her cry. There’d be no where that man could hide if he’d hurt Elizabeth, Jason decided. He hadn’t liked Ric Lansing the second he’d laid eyes on him and liked him even less the first time he’d seen Elizabeth and Ric together.
Instead of standing out here like a fool, wondering what had made her cry—he could go in and find out.
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
She heard the door swing open before she saw it. She looked up and frowned a little when she saw Jason standing hesitantly in the door way.
Normally, she’d be on her feet, keeping her face from view as she hid her tears. She’d be asking why he was here, so late after closing.
But tonight, she stared at him and made no attempts to hide the tears. He was probably there to pick up the sweater Courtney had left there that day.
He walked inside, letting the door shut behind him. In two strides, he was in front of her. He crouched down to meet her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, cursing himself for asking such a stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay.
She thought about giving him the normal answer. Yes, of course I’m fine. I just got something in my eyes. He wouldn’t know she was lying—he never did anymore.
Instead, she slowly shook her head. “No,” she answered. “In all honesty, I haven’t been okay for a long time.”
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, rocking back on his heels.
Then and only then did she wipe away her tears. Using the back of her head, she swiped at them and sighed. “Bobbie reminded me that today was the anniversary of Ruby’s death. Ruby used to own—”
“I know,” Jason cut in swiftly. “I remember.” He paused. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too,” Elizabeth said quietly. She looked past him, towards the silent jukebox. “Sometimes days and weeks go by and I don’t even think of her, you know? But I’ll hear something she used to say or Courtney—” Elizabeth hesitated but only for a minute. “Courtney will remind me so much of how I used to be when I first started—and I try to remember how much patience Ruby had with me. I was such a horrible waitress back then. I must have dropped every other dish for at least a month. She nearly fired me a dozen times.”
“Why didn’t she?” Jason asked, almost relishing this conversation that felt so much like the old days. She would be upset, he’d find a way to get her to open up and she’d feel better.
Things used to be so simple.
I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you
“I have no idea,” Elizabeth admitted. “I think Lucky stuck up for me a lot since—” her cheeks flushed. “I was usually watching him when I broke the dishes,” she admitted.
Jason chuckled, thinking of the much younger Elizabeth and the massive crush she’d admitted she’d had on Lucky when she’d first moved here. “Sounds like something Lucky would have done.”
She sighed and stared at her hands. “I miss her sometimes. We were never all that close, but—she gave me my first real shot. She was the first person that believed in me, even if it was just because Lucky convinced her to.”
“She did make a mean bowl of chili,” Jason replied.
Elizabeth laughed then, the first time she’d laughed with him since—
It probably wasn’t a good sign that he couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed.
You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
It struck her then—that they were doing something they hadn’t done almost since he’d returned last summer. They were sitting in Kelly’s and talking—being honest with each other.
Not holding anything back.
She’d forgotten how much she’d missed that.
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said softly. “I feel better now that I’ve talked to you.” She met his eyes. “Just like I used to.”
The air had changed around them—the mood had shifted and they both knew it. They were no longer talking about Ruby Anderson and how much Elizabeth missed her.
They were talking about their friendship and how far off track it had gone.
Right now, there’s no better time
From this fear I will break free
“Do you ever get tired of running?” Jason asked quietly. He shifted from his crouching position and sat in a chair next to hers.
Elizabeth sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “I think I must have run twenty marathons,” she murmured. “I’m so tired, Jason. I’ve been running so long that I don’t even remember why I started or what I’m running from.”
“The day I left the penthouse—the day Sonny faked his death,” Jason said, struggling to get the words out. Struggling to tell her the truth—the truth he’d kept to himself. “I started running then and I haven’t even stopped to breathe.”
She smiled at him—a sad smile full of nostalgia and wistfulness. “Sometimes Jason—I think we’re more alike we give ourselves credit for.”
And I’ll live again with love
And no they can’t take that away from me
And they will see—
He stood then and she raised her head to look at him. Probably going home to Courtney, she thought bitterly. Always a blonde. Just once—could someone leave me for a redhead?
Instead, he held out his hand. “Come on.”
Elizabeth dropped her feet to the ground. Even as she asked, “Where are we going?” she was putting her and in his and letting him pull her to her feet.
Jason gave her a tiny half-smile then and shrugged. “Nowhere.”
Involuntarily, the tears she’d just hidden sprang to the surface and her vision blurred a little. “I could go for that,” she said softly.
I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
They rode for nearly two hours—he took her up and down the cliff roads, down the street that inspired her painting of The Wind. He went fast, took the turns even faster and they both ignored the biting cold.
She screamed on the turns—so much he thought she’d lose her voice. She laughed, throwing her head back, her hair flying all around her. Neither of them wore helmets—he never did and she’d convinced him to let her go without one—just this one time.
He finally headed in one destination—the old stone bridge out of town. The bike coasted to a stop and he turned off the engine. She didn’t let go of him right away—relished the feeling of being this close to him for the first time in months.
But finally, she sat up, unwound her arms from his waist and stood up. “I’ve really missed that,” Elizabeth admitted. She wondered if Courtney had been on the bike—if she loved it as much as Elizabeth did.
If Jason preferred Courtney on the bike.
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
“I’ve missed it too,” Jason confessed. She looked down at him and with a heavy sigh, he got off the bike. “It’s been almost two years.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been home since May and this is the first chance we’ve had to go,” Elizabeth replied, putting her hands in the pockets of her black winter jacket.
“I asked you and you didn’t want to go,” Jason reminded her. For once, he didn’t feel the bitterness that accompanied the feeling. She hadn’t wanted to go because of Zander. And he didn’t feel anything about that anymore. He was just lightly teasing her.
“Well, I asked you, too,” Elizabeth replied, giving him a small smile. “Remember?” She shrugged and started walking towards the bridge. “But you said it was too dangerous.”
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
“It was,” Jason insisted. She faltered in her steps and turned around, her face pale.
“Let me get this straight,” she said softly. “It’s too dangerous for you to be with me—but it’s all right for Courtney?”
And there it was. The name. The name of the woman they’d both been avoiding talking about.
“You told me over and over and over again,” Elizabeth continued, her eyes glowing with anger and frustration. “It was too dangerous. It was never going to be over. You drummed it in my head so many times I got sick of hearing the words.”
“Elizabeth—” Jason tried to cut in. To explain that he was talking about another type of danger all together. It wasn’t dangerous with Courtney. Nothing was at stake.
But she was on a roll—saying words she’d only been feeling for the past few months. “But then again, it really shouldn’t surprise me. You were willing to do anything for her. You guarded her personally—spent every waking moment with her while leaving me alone in a penthouse with a guard. You never talked to me, you’d come and go and I’d never even know you were there!” Her eyes filled with tears and try as though she might, she couldn’t hold them back. They spilled over her lashes and streamed down her cheeks. “You’d think I’d get the hint. But I’ve never been that good as seeing things right in front of my face.”
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. He stood there, frozen to the ground. How could she think that—that what he felt for Courtney in any way measured up to his feelings for Elizabeth?
She walked towards him and then passed him. “I want to go home.”
He turned around, reached out and grabbed her arm. “Elizabeth—”
“Take me home,” she repeated. “I don’t—I can’t do this anymore.” She struggled to pull her arm out of his firm grasp.
“I’m not taking you anywhere until you listen to me,” Jason said firmly. He shook his head. “We’re doing it again.”
Elizabeth stopped moving and stared up at him. “What?”
“I’m tired of running,” he said simply. “And I’m tired of watching you walk away.”
Every night’s getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
He let go of her arm and she took a step back. “It was too dangerous to be with you,” Jason said.
“Damn it—” Elizabeth began. Jason surprised her by pressing two fingers against her lips.
“Will you just let me explain?” he asked quietly. She nodded wordlessly and he let his hand fall back to his side. He took a deep breath and met her eyes, determined not to break the eye contact first.
“I know I let you believe I was talking about my job,” Jason said. “And part of me still thinks that’s true. But you know me. You know I would never make that decision for you.”
“Then what?” she asked softly.
“I was talking about me,” Jason answered. “It was too dangerous for me to be with you.”
I’ll swallow my pride and I’ll be alive
Can’t you hear my call
I surrender all
Elizabeth’s brow furrowed in confusion and she took a step back. “What?” she asked, startled. Too dangerous for him? What did that mean?
“I don’t—I don’t trust people easily,” Jason told her. “I don’t open up and I think you know that. But with you—it was almost too easy. I’ve talked about Michael with you. Talked about losing him and how it felt to be his father. I’ve never said that to anyone.” He took a deep breath. “And because I opened up to you so soon, so easily—so much—it was easier for you to hurt me.”
And boy, had she. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. First with Lucky, then with Zander and then leaving him.
“I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty,” Jason hurried to assure her. “I’m just stating a fact.”
She forced down her guilt and opened her eyes. “I know,” Elizabeth said softly.
“After Zander—I didn’t—” He licked his lips nervously and tried to continue. Told himself that he needed to be honest with her. “I didn’t want to let you do that again. Have that power anymore.”
I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
“I tried to push you away,” Jason said. “I did everything I could. I was mean to you; I purposely walked away all those times. I told you I couldn’t be friends with you anymore. But you—you—” He smiled a little, despite himself. “You didn’t seem to cooperate.”
Without thinking, he touched her face. “You never did want to give up when I wanted to.”
“I told you,” Elizabeth said, her voice a little shaky. “You can’t just drop out of my life. I’d miss you too much.”
“So—I gave in,” Jason continued. “I promised you that I would try. That I’d respect you, listen to you and be honest with you. I don’t like to make promises unless I know I can keep them. And I really—I really thought I could do it.” He stopped took a deep breath. He wanted to look away, but forced himself to continue the eye contact. “But I didn’t. I lied to you.”
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
“Jason—” Elizabeth tried to cut in, but he shook his head.
“I’m not finished,” he replied. “I lied. And I knew I was doing it. So I did what I could to avoid you. I couldn’t lie to your face and I couldn’t—I couldn’t tell you the truth. No matter how much I wanted to—I couldn’t.”
“That’s why you never came home?” Elizabeth asked. “It wasn’t because—”
“No, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see you. I would sit at the safe house with Sonny or Brenda and I’d think about you. I’d wonder if you were playing pool or drawing—thinking of you—knowing you were safe—it helped me get through it.”
“And I just left,” Elizabeth said, the self-loathing evident in her voice. “I am so sorry—”
“I don’t blame you for doing it,” Jason cut in. “I didn’t try to stop you. I let you walk away. I did it because I thought if I gave you some space—if I let you try and calm down, I thought maybe you’d be able to—” He shook his head. “I don’t know how I really justified it to myself, but I did. And I never told you how much I missed you.”
We’ll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
“And then everything went crazy,” Jason said after a few moments of silence. “The thing with Courtney’s stalker—it gave me something to think about so I wouldn’t have to think about you. And I didn’t think you’d come back to me, anyway. I thought you were—moving on. You were friends with Lucky again. You’d left town to help him.”
“And you married Brenda,” Elizabeth said. “I know why you did it. And I even understand it a little. She was sick, and needed someone to take care of her.”
“Right,” Jason answered. “And I thought I didn’t have any other reason.” He took a deep breath. “I came to you to tell you that the marriage was going to be over, because we’d found out she wasn’t sick and she didn’t need me any more.”
“And I shot you down,” Elizabeth said, sighing ruefully. “I don’t—”
“That was my fault,” Jason cut in. “You asked me if it was because I wanted another chance. It was blunt, straight-forward and to the point.” He clenched his fists. “And it scared the crap out of me. Because I did. But I backtracked—I ran. And you did, too. I don’t blame you, Elizabeth. We both did it. We’ve both been running.”
I’ll make you give them all to me
I’ll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
Elizabeth bit her lip and looked away. “What about Courtney?” she asked finally. “Why was it too dangerous for you and me, but not with her?”
“Because I never let her in,” Jason said, firmly. “She didn’t know me, Elizabeth. She didn’t understand me. She tried—and when she did a little, she didn’t want to be with me.” He took a deep breath. “She told me she was going back to AJ tonight and that’s fine with me.”
“But you did care about her,” Elizabeth said.
“Yes,” Jason admitted. “But it wasn’t enough. Because no matter how much I cared about her, I didn’t love her.” He stopped. No more running, he told himself again. Lay out all the cards. “I love you.”
Elizabeth stopped breathing. “W-what?” she asked, even though she’d heard him loud and clear the first time.
“I love you. Courtney and I never would have worked because despite everything—” Jason shrugged a little. Every time he said the words, they became a little easier. “I’m still in love with you.”
I’ll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you
After a few moments of nearly unbearable silence in which Jason forced himself not to look away from her, she exhaled slowly. “Yeah—I know what you mean.” She smiled. “Because no matter how much Ric makes me laugh or how nice he is to me—he’s not you.” She touched his face; let her fingers trail over his lips. “Because despite everything, I’m still in love with you, too.”
He stepped closer to her; she tilted her face up to keep their eyes on each other. Not once since Jason had started speaking had they looked away. It was a new beginning for the both of them.
He bent down and brushed his lips over hers. When he pulled away, Elizabeth gripped the sides of his jacket to keep him close and she kissed him again.
Right now
I give my life to live again
I’ll break free, take me
They stood there for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, the snow falling down around them.
Somehow, despite everything—they’d found their way back.
