Back in 2003, there was a Write By Request challenge at The Canvas. You could sign up to get a story prompt and also submit your own. I don’t remember who sent me the prompt, but mine was to “clink-boom the Morgan-Matthews wedding” — i.e. the famous clink-boom from May 31, 1996 when Lily was blown up in the car bomb at the same time Jax and Brenda were getting married.
Timeline
Set in June 2003. Jason and Courtney are getting married, Elizabeth and Ric have already gotten married and she’s miscarried the baby. They’ve moved into the house.
Banner
There was stillness in the air around her. As she stood outside the church and rubbed her bare arms absently, she found herself staring up at the stars in the dark night sky.
The more she thought about it, the more she wondered if he was happy. He’d done the right thing, he’d proposed, dressed accordingly and he seemed okay with the whole ordeal.
But okay was a far cry from happy, and for the first time, she had a second thought about one of her plans and she wondered if she’d forced this on him.
He’d never really understand her reasons for pushing this marriage. He’d just shake his head and think she was silly. He’d never say the word silly, but he’d think it.
The truth was that Carly Corinthos had found her first female friend since Carly Roberts in high school. And she wanted to make sure that Courtney would always be around. She wanted to be sure that she wouldn’t lose another friend.
She sighed and glanced towards the doors of the church. As usual, she’d been so absorbed in her own emotions—her own plans, she hadn’t stopped to think about the person this plan effected. Yes, Courtney wanted it but did Jason?
It was too late to second guess that decision now, she decided. She stared up at the sky once more.
“Carly?” Jason asked, touching her shoulder. “Are you going to come inside?”
“Yeah, I’m coming. Just wanted a minute to myself.” She turned and they only took one step towards the church before it exploded.
—-
Elizabeth Webber Lansing moaned and moved her head a little to the side. It felt so heavy. She finally lifted it from the couch and slid into a seated position, clutching her afghan to her chest.
The sunlight was streaming through the windows, making her head hurt. She pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. Drinking wine had never made her feel like this before.
She wrapped the blanket around her more securely, tucking one end inside to keep it wrapped as she stood and stumbled into the bathroom.
After a long hot shower and a strong cup of coffee, she felt a little bit more human. She hated coffee, but she found it was the best thing to wake her up in the morning.
She started to straighten up the living room, but it was only when she noticed Ric’s practically untouched champagne glass that it dawned on her husband was absent.
“That’s strange,” she murmured. Ric was taking the summer off before he opened a law practice in Port Charles. He was rarely gone when she woke up and when it did happen, he always left some sort of note.
“I wonder where he went…”
—-
For a second, Carly panicked. She opened her eyes and saw nothing. Pure white light, blinding almost. She blinked rapidly and tried to take a deep breath, only to feel a choking sensation from the tube in her throat.
“Carly, Carly, calm down!” a familiar voice called. “Honey, deep breaths, deep breaths.”
Sonny, she tried to say. She opened her mouth to form the word over and over again and started to actually choke on the word. Where was Sonny? Why wasn’t he here? Why couldn’t she see anything?
“Carly, calm down!”
After another moment, Carly stopped struggling and slipped back into sleep.
—-
Bobbie Spencer exited her daughter’s hospital room and started to cry. The tears were a slow trickle at first but soon the sobs racked her body and she slipped to the floor, wrapping her arms around her side.
“Aunt Bobbie?” Lucky’s voice broke through her misery. He crouched and drew his shaking aunt into a tight embrace. “Are you okay? Is Carly okay?”
“She’s out again,” Bobbie choked out. “But all I can think about is the fact that I’ll have to tell her that her family is gone!”
“It’s okay,” Lucky murmured, “it’s okay.”
—-
Emily Quartermaine stared blankly ahead, not feeling the warm arm Nikolas had around her shoulder. She didn’t realize that he’d guided her to a chair or that he’d sat next to her. She didn’t see her shaken grandfather sitting across from her and she didn’t even realize just how close she and her family had come to death.
“That poor girl,” Edward murmured. He shook his head. “That poor, poor girl.”
Monica and Alan emerged from the trauma room where Jason Morgan was being prepped for surgery. Edward lunged to his feet, followed by Nikolas. Emily didn’t move—she couldn’t move.
“We stopped the worst of the bleeding,” Monica said in relief. “He’s going up for surgery, but he’s stable.”
Edward let out the breath he hadn’t even known he was holding. Jason had been in surgery most of the night and his heart had stopped twice, but now he was stable and they were just going to try and correct some of the damage done to his arm.
Nikolas turned to crouch in front of his friend and took her cold hand in his. “He’s okay, Em,” he murmured softly. “He’s okay.”
“Somebody has to call AJ,” Emily said. Her voice was empty, her face was blank. “He needs to know about Michael.”
“I’ll call him,” Nikolas promised. “Do you need anything? Are you feeling all right?”
She shook her head. “This was supposed to be the happiest day of his life,” she whispered. “And a broken gas pipe has killed everyone he loves.”
“Not everyone,” Nikolas reminded her, firmly. “He’s still got Carly, he’s got you. He’s got Monica and Alan, Lila. Not everyone was in that church.”
“He loved Michael so much,” Emily whispered brokenly. “And Sonny was his brother, he loved them both so much. Oh, God and Courtney…he was going to marry her…”
“Em,” Monica said gently. “Maybe you should let Nikolas take you home.”
Emily’s eyes snapped up and there was signs of life for the first time. “What? No. I can’t.”
Nikolas hesitated and looked up at Monica. “Elizabeth’s husband was injured as well. Do you know anything his condition?”
“He was pronounced dead at the scene, I believe,” Alan remarked sadly. “The poor young girl. She just lost her child.”
“Ric was there?” Emily asked, surprised. “What was Ric doing there?”
“I don’t know,” Nikolas answered. “I’m just surprised no one’s heard from Elizabeth. Did anyone even call her?”
“Someone should,” Emily decided quietly.
“I’ll do it,” Nikolas promised. “Do you have her new number?”
Emily’s eyes filled with tears for the first time. “No…oh, God, I don’t.” She buried her head in her hands and started to sob.
—-
Elizabeth switched the television on as she folded up the afghan. She had a knot in her back from sleeping on the sofa—they spent too many nights on that piece of furniture for her liking.
“The number of dead is still far from confirmed,” a reporter was saying, “but nearly everyone in the wedding party was killed with the exception of Jason Morgan and Carly Corinthos who were outside the church when the explosion occurred.”
Elizabeth stared at the screen in shock as the cameras were panning the destruction of the church.
“Authorities don’t believe there was any connection between Sonny Corinthos’ alleged ties to organized crime. All preliminary investigation points a faulty gas mane in the church basement.”
The church had exploded. Wedding party dead. Courtney. Sonny. Suddenly frantic, Elizabeth was dialing the hospital line. Nikolas and Emily were supposed to attend the wedding. Oh, God, what if something had happened to them?
“The Quartermaine family was lucky to just be arriving as the explosion occurred. Other than some minor burns and some bruising, the family is said to be in good condition. European prince Nikolas Cassadine was a guest of Emily Quartermaine and he is said to be fine as well.”
Elizabeth started crying in relief as she realized that meant Nikolas and Emily were okay. She hung up the phone, slipped into a pair of sandals and flew out the door, leaving the television on.
“Authorities have confirmed that Richard Lansing, Sonny Corinthos’ half brother, was pronounced dead at the scene. That brings the total number of confirmed dead to six.”
—-
Elizabeth didn’t even wait for the elevator doors to open all the way before she slipped through them and rushed down the hall to the surgical waiting room. She’d been told in the lobby that the Quartermaines were waiting for news on their grandson.
“Thank god you’re all right!” she cried, pushing herself into Emily’s arms. “I heard it on the news!”
Emily started to cry again. “Oh, God, you don’t know.”
“I don’t know what?” Elizabeth demanded frantically.
“Elizabeth,” Ned Ashton said, putting his hands on her shoulders and tried to guide her to a chair. “You might want to sit down.”
“Why?” Elizabeth asked fearfully. “What’s wrong?”
“Ric was found at the scene,” Emily whispered painfully.
“R-Ric?” Elizabeth sputtered. “He wasn’t invited. Sonny hates him. What was he…” Suddenly it clicked. Found. “Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. He’s dead, isn’t he? Oh my God.”
She clutched her trembling hand to her lips, muffling the moans. “Oh, God.”
“Nikolas, get her some water or something,” Ned directed. “Here, Elizabeth, sit down. Take deep breaths.”
—–
When Carly woke for the second time, the blinding white was still there, but the breathing tube had been removed. “Mama? Sonny?” she moaned.
Carly slipped back into sleep and Bobbie rested her head on the edge of the bed. Jesus Christ. How was she supposed to tell her that Sonny and Michael were dead?
—-
Elizabeth was still seated in the same chair Ned had pushed her into an hour earlier. Nikolas had pressed a cup of coffee into her hands and she’d drank it, even though she hated the taste.
Logically, she knew there were things to be done. Paperwork, Ric’s body…but she couldn’t will herself to move for the moment.
Dimly, she head Monica report to the rest of the family that Jason was out of surgery. He’d been thrown back by the force of the blast, his body had covered Carly’s, shielding her from the worst of the debris.
She heard the Quartermaines talk to each other in relieved tones when it became clear their prodigal relative would be just fine.
She knew that Emily was still sitting next to her and at some point and time, Lucky had found her. But she wasn’t aware of much right then.
“Someone needs to take her home,” Monica told Emily, pulling her aside.. “But she shouldn’t be alone.”
Dillon, who could never resist a chance to eavesdrop, spoke up. “Why doesn’t Em just bring her back to the house?”
“That’s a great idea,” Emily decided. “Thanks, Dillon.” She kissed his cheek and went back to her friend.
Monica patted Dillon affably on the shoulder. “You’ve got a good heart,” she told him. “Don’t let this family suck it out of you.”
“Honey, you’re going to come with me tonight, okay?” Emily said softly.
“Okay,” Elizabeth said dully.
“I’m just going to go see Jason before we go. Do you want to come with me?” Emily asked.
Elizabeth blinked. “Jason? What?” She cleared her throat and rubbed her temple. “I’m sorry, Emily. I forgot that…Jesus, is he okay? I didn’t even think about it.”
“It’s okay. Come with me. I’ll fill you in on the way to the room.”
—-
Elizabeth sighed. “Poor Carly. To wake up and find out that your husband, your son, your sister-in-law, your father-in-law…I can’t imagine what she’s going through.”
“I think you can a little,” Emily said softly. She stopped in front of Jason’s intensive care room. “Besides, I don’t even think she knows yet. Bobbie told us she’s been in and out most of the night and day. But she’s alive and so is Jason. And that’s something to be thankful for.”
“Yes, it is,” Elizabeth said. She frowned. “I can’t even imagine why Ric would have been there last night. He and Sonny didn’t get along, we weren’t invited or anything…”
“I didn’t see him there,” Emily replied. “Maybe he was just driving by and stopped or something.”
“No…what I mean is…” Elizabeth frowned and searched for something. “We were together last night. We drank some wine and when I woke up this morning, well, it was obvious Ric and I had made love. So at what point last night did he get up and leave? And why?”
“I guess you….” Emily stopped. “Wait, you don’t remember if you and he made love?”
“Well, we were drinking wine,” Elizabeth explained. “And I guess…”
“Elizabeth, how can you not remember? You’ve never been a heavy drinker and you’re not the type to pass out.”
“I know, but…”
“But nothing,” Emily told her. “Something’s not right, Elizabeth.”
“What does it matter or anything?” Elizabeth sighed. “He’s dead. Whether he went for a midnight drive or he had something more…horrible plan to get revenge on Sonny again…it doesn’t matter. He’s dead. I’ve been married less than a month and my husband is dead. I don’t care how horrible he was to other people and what he might have done on the last night of his life!” Her voice had risen and now there was a desperate, almost hysterical tone to it. “In the span of three weeks, I lost a child and a husband. You’re right, Emily. Something’s not right.”
Elizabeth broke off and shook her head. “I…I’m sorry…I-I didn’t mean—”
“It’s okay,” Emily said, enveloping her friend in a quick hug. “It’s okay. You’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s just go check on Jason and we’ll go back to my house.”
She pushed the door open and blanched at the sight of her strong brother covered in burns, bruises and cuts. He had a breathing tube and other various tubes in different spots of his body.
“I’m scared,” Emily whispered. “I’m scared that when he wakes up and finds out what’s happened, he won’t want to live.”
Elizabeth squeezed her friend’s shoulder soothingly. “Jason’s strong, Em. He still has Carly. And you. And Lila. That’s enough for him. All we have to do is remind him that Carly needs him. He likes to be needed.”
“Maybe that’s why the two of you never worked out,” Emily mused almost absent-mindedly. “Jason wants to be needed and you don’t really need anyone. You’ve always been strong and independent—”
“I did need him,” Elizabeth murmured. She moved into the room a little further and stepped next to the hospital bed. She smoothed his hair from his forehead. “He just never needed me.” She started to cry. “I’m never enough, Em. Not for Lucky to stay away from Sarah, not for Jason to need me, or for Ric to give up his stupid plans!”
She sank into a nearby chair and buried her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking from the force of her sobs. “Why? Why am I doomed to be alone?”
“Oh, honey.” Emily crouched in front of her. “You’re not. Men just suck. And when you do find the right guy, you go and break their hearts. Look at me and Zander. He loves me and I pushed him away, making him think I love Nikolas. What kind of person does that make me?”
“A confused one,” Elizabeth said, laughing through her tears. “Someone who thinks she should still want the person she loved at seventeen when the girl who loved him grew up.”
Emily frowned. “Elizabeth—”
“You can try and fit yourself into a mold, be what you think someone needs. You can try and be the person you once were when you loved them, but in the end you make yourself miserable. You push away someone you really love and a result you lose them forever because that moment was your chance, and even when you think you have another one, you really don’t because they don’t love you anymore.”
“So, Emily, if you love Zander, just be with him. If you don’t love him the same way, with the same passion and intensity, if it’s just faded into a comfortable love and you’re almost sure there’s someone who makes you feel like you’re on top of the world when they look at you…you have to grab it, Em. Grab it before it walks away and leaves you dangling in the wind, waiting for a chance that’ll never come again.” Elizabeth broke off her long diatribe and sucked in a shuddering breath. “I don’t know what made me say all of that—”
“I do,” Emily said softly. “Your world has been spinning out of control for so long that I think that tonight was the last straw. And you’re right. I need to make a decision. But so do you.” She stood and pulled Elizabeth into a standing position. “If I’ve learned anything from my crazy life is that if it’s meant to be, it usually ends up that way. No matter how hard you try to fight it. Let’s say goodbye to my brother and go home to talk some more, okay?”
She turned to find Jason’s eyes open and unblinking. “Emily. What’s…” he stopped and tried to clear his dry throat. Emily reached for a pitcher of water and poured it into a glass Elizabeth found in a drawer. She brought it to Jason’s lips and he sipped. “What’s going on?”
“There was an accident,” Emily told him softly. “You were hurt.”
He glanced around and his eyes focused on Elizabeth. “Elizabeth…”
“Jason, are you awake or kind of in between?” Emily asked.
He frowned. “Kind of both I think…”
“Get some sleep,” Emily advised. “I’ll be back later today.”
His eyes were trained on Elizabeth’s tearstained face. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“I’m fine,” Elizabeth murmured.
He focused on his sister then. “Where’s Carly? Sonny? Where’s Courtney?”
“Jason, please…”
“Emily, don’t try to appease me. Where are they? What’s going on?”
“A gas line at the church exploded,” Emily admitted softly. “You and Carly were outside, so you’re okay. The family and I were just arriving, so the most we had were some cuts. But…”
He closed his eyes. “Everyone else is dead,” he finished emotionless.
“Yes,” Emily whispered painfully. “I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so sorry.” After a moment, she realized her brother had slid back into a drug-induced sleep and she turned to her friend. “Oh, God, Elizabeth…”
“He’ll be okay,” Elizabeth said, drawing her friend into an embrace. “He’ll be okay.”
—-
It was a week before any of the funerals took place. And only Michael Corinthos had more than five people at his funeral. Some of his teachers attended, some friends from school. AJ Quartermaine was in the back, keeping out of sight of his son’s mother.
Carly, who’d been told the news a few days ago, was in a wheel chair, staring at the cold ground where her little boy was going to be spending his days. She was being taken back to the hospital after the service, but all she wanted to do was throw herself in with her son.
She’d already been to Sonny’s, Courtney’s and Mike’s services earlier. She would have gone to the guards’ services, but the doctor had forbidden it. She was still badly injured. A broken leg, a concussion and three broken ribs. She’d suffered a miscarriage while she was out cold, so she didn’t even have Sonny’s baby to live for.
Jason had gotten out of the hospital the day before, the worst of his injuries was a cut on his forehead. He pushed his friend’s wheelchair on the path back to the limo, preparing to take her back to the hospital.
“Wait,” Carly said, suddenly. “That’s Ric’s service over there, isn’t it?” she asked, gesturing across the cemetery where another funeral was set up. A casket was waiting to be lowered into the ground and the widow sat in a chair, surrounded by empty chairs. Emily had gotten sick, so Nikolas had taken her home and Elizabeth had insisted that Lucky and Summer go with them.
“Yeah, it is,” Jason said quietly.
“Let’s go,” Carly said. “I don’t think she should be alone today.”
“Did anyone find out why Ric was there in the first place?” Jason, speaking in the same emotionless tone he’d adopted in the hospital. It was easier that way. If he buried the emotions so deep inside himself, he wouldn’t have to feel them. His fiancée, the woman he’d expected to spend the rest of his life with, she was gone. The man he’d thought of like a brother, who’d taught him everything he knew about love, loyalty and honor, he was gone.
The little boy he’d considered a son was gone. It was almost too much and his only way of dealing was to shut it out.
“No,” Carly answered. “No one knows.”
Elizabeth didn’t acknowledge them as Jason wheeled Carly’s chair next to an empty one and he sat next to her.
“I know that everyone hated him,” she said a few moments later. “But he was my husband and I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together.” She glanced at Carly, her eyes filled with tears. “All he wanted was a family. You know that? The morning after we were married, when we still had our baby to look forward to, he bought me a stuffed teddy bear. For the baby.” She looked to the casket again. “Baby’s first toy,” she whispered brokenly.
“Losing the baby devastated him more than me, I think. Maybe if I hadn’t miscarried, maybe he really would have given up his hatred for Sonny. If he’d had a future to look forward to, a child.” She stood and stepped toward the casket. “But I wasn’t enough for him. Not without our child. I wasn’t enough. My love just…didn’t mean enough to him.” She reached inside her jacket and withdrew a soft yellow teddy bear. “Thank you for stopping by,” she said a moment later, her voice clear and without emotion. “It’s been such a horrible day for you both and it means a lot that you’d just…pretend to care for a moment.”
She placed the bear on the casket, like one would place a rose. “I guess this is my chance to bury my dreams of being someone’s wife, someone’s mother.”
Elizabeth stepped back and walked towards Carly, surprising the blonde when she leaned down to hug her. “I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered.
“I’m sorry for yours,” Carly whispered back as Elizabeth straightened. “I am, Elizabeth. Losing a child and your husband at the same time, there’s no pain greater.”
“I know.” Elizabeth wrapped her arms around Jason’s neck and hugged him tightly. “One day at a time,” she advised him. “The pain will fade, I promise. It did for me when I thought Lucky was dead.”
“I remember,” Jason said, meeting her eyes as she pulled away.
Despite the warmth of the day, Elizabeth pulled her coat more tightly around her. “I’m not sure what he was doing there that night, but I don’t think it was anything good. I found a room in the house today,” she admitted. “A panic room of some sorts. He had maternity clothes, prenatal vitamins…a crib.” She closed her eyes. “It doesn’t take much to realize what he had in mind.” She opened her eyes and looked at Carly. “How terrible am I to be glad he never had the chance to do go through with it? I’m glad he’s dead, just so he never had the chance to hurt anyone else.”
Elizabeth shrugged and looked away. “Nothing I’m not used to.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “I’m moving. Out of town. I’m going home to Colorado for a while. I don’t know when or if I’m coming back.”
“When you’re in town,” Carly said, “You…should…come by.”
“Yeah.” Elizabeth managed a weak smile. She walked away then, leaving the two behind.
The yellow teddy bear slipped and fell from the casket. Jason stepped forward as if to pick it up and place it back on top, but Carly stopped him. “Give it to me,” she told him.
He handed it to her and she stared at it. “We both lost our dreams,” she murmured. “To have the perfect family.” She glanced up at him. “Kind of ironic that the muffin and I finally have something in common, huh?”
Along with Back at Jake’s, this is a story I wrote just kind of exploring the history of Jason and Elizabeth. I had been a huge LL2 fan back in the day, then tuned out for a few years due to high school. I came to Liason fanfiction late and didn’t really write a lot for LL2 back in the day. I was still really understanding their characters, and I took the opportunity to think about how Elizabeth might feel about her rape five years later. It’s definitely not one of my favorites of the early stuff, but it was part of the learning process so I’ve left it up.
Timeline
This is set in February of 2003 (obviously), and kind of exists outside the canon. Jason and Elizabeth are separated and dating Ric and Courtney, but they’re not really factors.
Banner
February 14, 2003
It was early afternoon when Elizabeth Webber sat down on the stone bench in front of the fountain. She closed her eyes and forced herself not to think about five years ago when she’d been young and naïve enough to think that the park was safe.
She heard the crackling of footsteps and jumped up, startled. Lucky Spencer appeared from behind some bushes. “Hey. I thought I might find you here,” he stated simply, sticking his hands in his pockets.
Elizabeth chuckled nervously. “I guess I’m still a little jumpy,” she said, sitting back down. Lucky took a seat next to her. “Why were you looking for me?”
Lucky shrugged. “I woke up this morning and it hit me I guess. You know—there hasn’t been a Valentine’s Day that’s passed that I haven’t thought about it.”
“That makes two of us,” Elizabeth said softly. She rubbed her hands nervously over her jeans. “It’s funny. Sometimes days and even entire weeks will go by where I don’t think about it.”
“It’s been five years, Elizabeth,” Lucky replied. “You’re entitled to move on.”
“I know that. I just…it’s so easy to remember the days when it was all I thought about. It consumed me, took over my life until I could hardly recognize myself anymore.”
“I still think about what would have happened if I hadn’t taken Sarah to that stupid dance,” Lucky said. He shook his head and looked straight ahead towards the fountain. “I wonder if maybe we’d gone to the dance like we were supposed to…”
“I used to think about that at first, too,” Elizabeth admitted. “But in the end, it was me who made up the date, me who went to the movies and it was me who chose to walk through this park alone.”
“How do you feel about it now?” Lucky asked, hesitantly.
She shrugged. “I guess…for the most part…I’m over it. I mean, I still get a little jumpy at night when I’m by myself. I don’t trust anyone and I still don’t like coming here at night. But really, Lucky, I’m okay.” She smiled at him. “Thank you. Thank you for caring enough to find me today.”
“Elizabeth, I’m always going to love you,” Lucky told her. “Just because we’re not in love anymore…you know? You’ve been such a major person in my life…of course I care.”
“So, how’s your friend…Laura?” Elizabeth asked, eager to change the subject.
Lucky sighed. “I don’t know. Things…they’re weird right now. You women…you’re all so hard to figure out. I never know what you want.”
“That’s not true,” Elizabeth remarked. “You used to be pretty good at it.”
“Before the fire, yeah,” Lucky admitted. “Come on, Elizabeth. The reason we worked before the fire is because we were friends. We had all that time to know each other before we fell in love. We were best friends that turned into more. You can’t ask for anything better. You and me…we’re completely different from Laura and I.”
“I know. First love and all that,” Elizabeth replied. “Look, Lucky, if you really care about Laura…make her understand that. Don’t let her think for one second that you don’t. Don’t assume she knows, because it’s possible that she doesn’t. If you care about her and you want her, do both of you a favor…and fight for it.”
“Once again, there’s a cryptic remark that I just know has more to it than just friendly advice,” Lucky said. “It’s about you and Jason.”
“There is no me and Jason,” Elizabeth replied honestly. “I thought I knew what I wanted. I went after it until I got it and then I found out I had no idea what I wanted. I thought that I was in love with this great guy who cared about me, cared about my feelings, what I thought…someone who knew me and instead…I ended up with Sonny’s enforcer.”
“Hey, I’ll never be his biggest fan, but I don’t think that’s all there is,” Lucky replied. “He cares about you. I knew it back when we were still together. Probably why I tried to beat him up.”
“Anyone can care about a person,” Elizabeth replied. “I didn’t want Jason to care about me. I wanted him to love me. Was that too much to ask?”
“No,” Lucky said instantly. “You deserve that much, Elizabeth. At the very least, you deserve someone who loves you. Okay, so it didn’t work with Jason. Yeah, that sucks. And yeah, right now that hurts. But you got to ask yourself…are you going to let that determine the rest of your life?”
Elizabeth sighed and looked away, her eyes sad and distant. “I don’t know, Lucky. Sometimes I think I’m always going to be that girl in the snow, waiting for someone to come and pick me up.”
“You wouldn’t have waited,” Lucky replied. “You’re strong, Elizabeth. You would have picked yourself up. I just happened to come along first.”
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said. She leaned towards him and enveloped in a quick fierce hug. “You have no idea how much I needed you back then.”
“I needed you just as much,” Lucky said, kissing her on the cheek before releasing her. “I think Nikolas was looking for you, too.”
“Really?” Elizabeth asked, surprised. “Why?”
“Hey, no matter what’s gone down these past few years, you, me, Nikolas and Emily…we’re still family. You know? The best of friends.”
“The four Musketeers,” Elizabeth said, her eyes lighting up.
“One for all and all for one,” Lucky teased. She hit him playfully.
“Hey, that’s not any fair!” Elizabeth groaned. She laughed. “Okay, I’m going back to my studio. I wanted to call Em, today anyway. If you see Nikolas…tell him he can stop by.”
“I will,” Lucky said. He watched Elizabeth disappear in the bushes and sighed.
—-
He found the other man standing on the docks. He was standing, facing the water his hands clenched into fists at his side.
“Waiting for someone?” Lucky asked, smirking.
Jason Morgan turned and immediately glared at Elizabeth’s ex-boyfriend. “What do you want?”
Lucky shrugged. “Nothing. I just following Elizabeth back home, making sure she was safe.”
“What does she need you do that for?” Jason demanded.
Oh, yeah. Jason still cares about Elizabeth. A lot. Lucky resisted the urge to needle the other man and forced himself to be casual. “You know…with the day being what it is. I was worried.”
“I know what day it is,” Jason snapped, irritated.
“Have you even gone to see her?” Lucky demanded.
“No,” he admitted.
Lucky snorted. “And to think, she used to defend you. Jason’s my friend,” he mocked. “Jason lets me be myself. Jason listens to me. Jason’s there for me–”
“Shut the hell up!” Jason growled. “You don’t know anything about me and Elizabeth–”
“I know she walked out and that you let her go,” Lucky shot back.
“Shut up,” Jason warned him.
“What kind of friend are you that you haven’t even gone to see her on the anniversary of one of the worst days of her life?” Lucky demanded.
“She’d just slam the door in my face,” Jason muttered turning his attention back to the water.
“I thought Elizabeth was just trying to rationalize everything, but she’s right. She really did make you up,” Lucky said, incredulously. “She thought you were someone who really knew her, who understood her. You don’t know a damn thing about her, do you?”
“Just shut up, Lucky,” Jason said, shaking his head. “I don’t have the patience for this.”
“You act like you’ve never had a door slammed in your face before,” Lucky remarked. “Think about it, Jason. You really care about Elizabeth? I mean, if you really do…you need to show her. She’s been through a lot of shit in her life–none of which she deserved. The last she needs is someone else jerking her around. Dangling his love in front of her, making her jump through hoops to prove she deserve it–”
“I never did that!” Jason exploded finally. “I’m not you, Lucky. I don’t mess with other people’s lives. Elizabeth knows how I feel about her–”
“Right,” Lucky drawled sarcastically. “You sure about that, Jase? Have you ever actually said the words? Because she deserves that much.” Lucky just shook his head. “You know what, I don’t care what you do. Go see her, don’t go see her. It’s all the same to me. She doesn’t expect anything from you, so if you don’t show up, at least she won’t be crying about it.” Lucky glared at him a moment before stalking away.
Jason muttered something under his breath, dragged his fingers through his hair and stalked in the opposite direction.
—-
Elizabeth glanced up from her sketch when she heard the knock. “Nikolas?” she called.
“No.” There was a pause. “It’s Jason.”
Elizabeth’s breath caught in her throat as she crossed the studio to flip open the locks. “W-what are you doing here?” she asked, opening the door.
“I…” Jason shook his head. “Shit,” he grumbled. “I argued with myself the entire day about coming to see you and then I ran into Lucky on the docks–”
Elizabeth sighed. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything to him,” she muttered. “Jerk never could mind his own business.”
“I just…I wanted to know if you were okay,” Jason finally said. “I know…I know today is…is well..”
“I’m okay,” Elizabeth gratefully. “Thank you for asking.”
“Uh…” Jason took a deep breath. “I don’t suppose you’d…want to go for a ride…”
“Really?” Elizabeth asked, her eyes lighting up at the prospect.
“Yeah,” Jason replied, feeling a little more confident. “Really. Maybe…we could talk.”
She flashed him a brief smile. “I’d like that,” she said softly.
Back in August of 2002, we still thought as a fanbase that we had a chance. Little did we know that the nonsense in August 2002 was just prologue to the crap we would have to go through for the next eighteen years. (I…am not bitter. Or salty.)
Anyway, this takes place around August 27, 2002. At this point, Jason and Elizabeth are still apart — he was hurt over Zander, then pushed her away after the warehouse explosion worried she’d get hurt. Elizabeth is struggling with that decision.
It’s another one of my early efforts that I think is interesting and worth reading only to see the progression of how I developed. I was still a new Liason fan and learning their history, so this is was also me just exploring their relationship and dynamics. I don’t think I had a handle on either of these characters at this point, but it’s always fun to go back and look at how I learned to write them.
Elizabeth sat on the curb outside Jake’s and let herself get lost in the memories. She could see her self three years ago, dressed in next to nothing and waltzing into the bar looking for trouble. She could remember talking to Jason as if it were yesterday. At the time, he’d been Emily’s older brother and nothing more.
And now… she drew in a deep breath. Well, she wasn’t quite sure what Jason was to her. He’d been her best friend, the only person who’d been able to get through to her. At one point, before her kidnapping, she’d even let herself wonder what it would be like to if they could be more. Well, she’d ruined that chance. Ruin wasn’t the right word. Decimated, shattered…those words were more like it.
She hugged her knees into her chest and sighed. What she wouldn’t give to be here, three years ago. She’d do the entire thing over. At first, she’d make the same decisions. But if she could…she’d handle the whole Lucky/Jason situation completely different. She would tell Lucky from the start that she’d been attracted to Jason the first time around. And she would tell him that he couldn’t choose her friends and she wasn’t going to stop hanging out with Jason.
She would take his hand that day in the park. God help her, if she could do that day over again, she’d take his hand and follow him anywhere he wanted to go.
“What’re you doing here?”
She didn’t need to look up. She knew it was Jason. She could see his boots, she recognized his voice. She loved his voice.
She sighed. “I’m reminiscing. You don’t live here anymore, so I figured I wasn’t breaking any rules.”
He sat down next to her on the curb. She had to smirk. She was small; she could curl up on the curb. He was too tall to sit comfortably. Good. “Reminiscing about what?”
“The day my life turned around,” Elizabeth replied, quietly. “August 27, 1999. I came here trying to forget my pain and I found you instead.”
“I didn’t realize,” Jason said. She still didn’t look at him. “I’m glad I could help.”
She shrugged. “Back then, I like to think our friendship was a bit more equal. You listened about Lucky, I listened about Michael. You pulled me back from the edge, took me riding. I found you in the snow.” She sighed. “Our friendship had so much potential.”
“Potential?” Jason asked, confused. “You say that like we didn’t keep on being friends.”
“We didn’t,” Elizabeth replied. “Not really. You left that January and you weren’t back that long the second time. When you came back in 2001, we were still on an equal footing. I gave you a place to stay and you listened about Lucky. And then I started using you. That’s when it went all downhill.”
“What do you mean?” Jason wanted to look into her eyes. See what she was thinking, feeling. She was still staring straight ahead–at a row of motorcycles.
“I started jerking you around. Telling you I couldn’t see you, running to you the next, not believing you–” she broke off. “Tell me, what did I do for you that was any good?”
“You were confused,” Jason replied. “You were dealing with Lucky and he wasn’t right. You knew that. I knew that. You did what you had to do.”
“All right. Then what about this time around?” Elizabeth asked. “I think, once again we were off to a good start. Then I got kidnapped. You searched for me, saved my life again and how I do repay you?” She could feel the tears in the back of her eyes and willed them back. This was not about how she felt. “I sleep with a man that I’m not in love with and he throws it in your face. Instead of throwing him out, I defend him every chance I get. I use our friendship,” she said saying the word sarcastically, “to keep him safe. He sets you up, breaks into your apartment, shoots me and I still went home with him.” She shook her head. “The only thing I’ve done right is tell Zander that I won’t go to Florida with him. Not that he took that well. I haven’t seen him since.”
“I don’t blame you for any of those things,” Jason said.
She laughed, bitterly. “Of course not, Jason. You never do. Which makes this worse. God, why can’t you just be mad at me?” She angrily swiped at her eyes. “If you could be mad, I could be spending my energy on trying to get you to forgive me and instead, I hate myself. I’m mad at myself.” She drew in a shaky breath. “But if you’re not mad at me, that’s your choice. I can’t change that. I just wish…” she trailed off. “I just wish I could do things differently.”
“What–” Jason stopped and breathed deeply. “What would you do differently?”
She looked at him then–met his eyes for the first time. Her eyes were watery and full of pain. “There so many things I’d do differently but the biggie?” She sucked in a breath. “The one thing I wish I could over more than anything else in the world…” She reached a hand out and touched his face. “I would have taken your hand and followed you anywhere.” Her hand traced his jaw line. “You mean so much to me, Jason. I don’t think you know just how much.”
He reached up and took her small hand and grasped it in his larger ones. Her hand was cold against his warmer ones. He stared at her pale hand, so small, so fragile and soft–completely different than his. “Tell me.” He looked up and met her eyes. “Tell me,” he repeated quietly.
She took a deep breath. Once she told him there would be going back, no taking the words back. She took her other hand and put on top of his. She stared at their joined hands. She raised her eyes and met his. “I love you.”
His blue eyes burned into hers. “Say it again,” he said, urgently.
“I love you,” she repeated, her eyes searching his for some indication of what he was feeling.
A moment later, he’d pulled her towards him and kissed her. The surprise Elizabeth felt melted away as she opened her mouth and let her tongue trace his lips. He wrapped his arms around her waist to drag her closer and opened his mouth to deepen the kiss further. She snaked her arms around his neck and tried to get even closer to him.
They pulled apart after a while, their breathing erratic and ragged. She kept her arms wrapped around him and buried her face in his neck unwilling to break contact with his body. He rested his head next to hers. Jason was the first to recover. “I love you,” he whispered, his breath warm against her neck. “God, I love you so much.”
She pulled away and kissed him gently. She took his hands in hers and stood up, bringing him with her. “Take me for a ride,” Elizabeth said, her eyes gleaming. “Let’s take the cliff road and go fast.” She hesitated. “Unless…you have somewhere else to be.”
Jason paused. It was nine-thirty. Courtney’s shift started in a half hour. He couldn’t let Sonny down–he’d promised him. He looked down at the woman in front of him. They’d been through so much, both together and apart and despite all of the pain and suffering and the separation and the obstacles…here they were. Three years later, back at Jake’s. He couldn’t walk away from her. Not again. She wanted to be with him. They could worry about the danger tomorrow. Tonight…tonight was theirs. “Give me a second, okay?”
She nodded. He walked away a few steps and took out his cell phone. He dialed Sonny’s number.
“Corinthos.”
“Sonny, it’s me. I can’t watch Courtney tonight.”
“Why not?”
“Something came up.”
“What? Jason, this is important to me.”
“Yeah, well, so this is important to me. You can get someone else to do it, can’t you?”
“That’s not the point, Jason. You told me you’d do this.”
“Well, I gotta do this. It’s one night, Sonny. I don’t ask for much.”
Sonny hesitated. “You’re right. You don’t. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Jason hung up the phone and turned back to Elizabeth, who was smiling hopefully. “You ready to go?”
She nodded eagerly and he led her to his bike. He handed her the helmet. As she was putting it on, “Are you sure there’s no where you have to be?”
He put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. “There’s no where else I’d rather be.”
She smiled. “Good. Go really fast all right? I love those turns.”
“Yeah, I know.” He straddled the bike and she got on behind him. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and he turned on the bike.
When Gia Campbell had suggested the game, Elizabeth had been slightly intoxicated. All right–she’d been smashed. Otherwise, she never would have agreed.
Well she might have–just not in front of her best friends.
Find a guy. Sleep with him. No names.
It couldn’t be that hard, right? Elizabeth had known a lot of guys in her life–they were almost always horny. Always looking for sex.
All she’d have to do is dress up, head into a bar and the guys should take care of the rest of it.
Gia, anticipating the fact that they’d probably pull out once they were sober, had made them sign contracts. Basically, they’d had to sign their name stating they’d do it on a napkin. Damn Gia–she’d have to be a law student.
Gia had assigned them separate places to look. She’d given herself Club 101, Carly had gotten Luke’s, Brenda the Outback and Elizabeth…?
Elizabeth had gotten Jake’s, a bar on the docks that all the dockworkers went to after work. Gia had thought she was making Elizabeth’s job difficult–but Gia also didn’t know that Elizabeth was a regular there and good friends with the woman who owned it.
Elizabeth tightened the robe around her waist and pursed her lips as she perused her closet. Skirts–you never wore those to a bar. Even if you were looking for a one-night stand. It was easy access for guys who didn’t know better.
And she’d met a lot of guys who didn’t know better.
See, Elizabeth liked sex. She knew that in most circles, that probably made her slut, but she didn’t really care. She was twenty-one, in college, on her own and carried at least three condoms everywhere she went. She was responsible about it and as long as no one got hurt–
Well, what were a few one-night stands?
Elizabeth’s best friends had no idea about this little hobby of hers. She wasn’t sure why she’d never told them. It wasn’t like they were saints. Carly Benson alone had probably beaten her in the number of guys they’d slept with. Gia had just broken up with her boyfriend and was going a little wild. Brenda was usually restrained, but you get enough tequila in her–watch out.
Elizabeth was the youngest in the group and considered the little sister. Maybe that’s why she never confided in them.
But after tonight? Maybe she could prove she wasn’t as innocent as they liked to believe.
She pushed aside a pair of jeans and pulled the leather pants she’d bought on a whim a few months ago. She grinned and headed to the other side of the closet where she flipped through her tank tops and dug out the black one she’d stopped wearing when it’d shrunk a size too small in the washer.
The phone rang as Elizabeth was arranging her brown curls in a casual disarray. She reached out with one hand and clicked the speaker phone.
“Hello?” she asked, picking up the cover up and applying a light coat to her face.
“Webber, it’s me,” Gia’s voice wafted through the room. “Just making sure you’re not chickening out.”
Elizabeth smirked as she applied the smoky gray eye shadow. “Not a chance. Since when I have I backed down from something I’d said I do?”
“Well–”
“Don’t bring up that again,” Elizabeth groaned. She closed the eye shadow and picked up the eye liner. “Lucky Spencer was an idiot. There was no way I was going to date him.”
“All right, fair enough. So, you’re going to go through with this?” Gia asked, her voice a little doubtful.
Elizabeth just shook her head. “I’m not a virgin, Gia. I can handle a one-night stand, you know.”
“You know…” Gia hesitated. “About safety and all that.”
Elizabeth almost burst out laughing. They really did think she was an innocent little girl. “Of course, Gia.”
“Well, it’s just Brenda was making a big stink about dragging you into this plan and I was feeling a little bad. I mean, you haven’t been with a lot of guys–”
“What makes you say that?” Elizabeth asked, leaning forward to apply the mascara. She set it back on the dresser and studied her reflection in the mirror.
Gia didn’t reply right away–seemed a little stunned actually. “Elizabeth. What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked finally.
“Exactly what I meant to say,” Elizabeth reply, digging through a pile of make up to retrieve just the right shade of red. “I’m not some innocent little girl the three of you need to lead around because you feel sorry for me.”
“We…We never–ever–thought of you like that,” Gia said, firmly.
Elizabeth snorted. “Could have fooled me.”
“You don’t have to do this,” Gia told her. “You don’t have to do this to prove yourself.”
“I’m not doing this to prove myself,” Elizabeth retorted. She capped the lipstick and fluffed her hair out once more. She studied her reflection again and seemed satisfied with what she saw. “I’m doing this because it’s Saturday night.” She paused and then went into for the kill. “And I do this every Saturday night.”
Before Gia could manage a reply, Elizabeth swiftly hit the disconnect button and jerked her leather jacket off the back of a chair. She pulled it on and flipped her hair out from underneath the collar. She was pissed now–she’d never had confirmation of her friends’ pity for her–but Gia had just validated her thoughts.
—————-
“Hey, Liz,” Jake said as Elizabeth slipped onto a bar stool in front of her. “Can’t say I’m surprised you’re back again.”
Elizabeth smiled. “You know I love this place. I’d much rather go here than some stuffy old club like the Outback or Club 101.”
Jake smiled proudly. “I do have a unique establishment, don’t I?”
“You do,” Elizabeth agreed. She looked around and frowned. The bar was usually packed by this time of night. Instead, there were a few men at the bar and a couple at the pool table. “Where is everyone?”
“Oh, the Quartermaines gave their workers the day off,” Jake supplied. “I don’t know why–but they’re not coming in here to work off steam.”
“Oh.” Elizabeth shrugged. Just made her job a little more challenging. She gave the bartender and owner a bright smile. “The usual.”
Jake slid a bottle of beer across the counter and sighed. “You know, a bright and intelligent girl could be doing so much more with her life.”
“I am,” Elizabeth said, defensively. “I’m going to school and I’ve got a job. I just like to blow off steam every once in a while.” She slid off the barstool and perused the bar again looking for a likely candidate. A smile crossed her face as she found her prey. He was familiar–like she’d seen him somewhere outside the bar. He was in the back, playing pool at a table by himself.
Elizabeth licked her lips as she studied his form leaning over the table, lining up another shot. Short spiky dark blonde hair, muscular forearms. She’d be willing to bet any amount of money that the rest of him looked just as yummy.
Jake shook her head in amusement as Elizabeth Webber took her jacket off, slung it over her left arm and headed over to Jason Morgan’s pool table, beer in hand.
She’d seen Elizabeth’s look of determination and knew that when Elizabeth decided she wanted something–
She almost always got it.
—————-
Elizabeth set the beer on a nearby table and put the jacket over the back of one of the chairs. “I don’t suppose there’s room for one more,” she said.
Jason Morgan looked, ready to say no when his eyes connected first with the black leather pants. His gaze seemed locked on the waist of the woman and the tight as a second skin pants. He finally drug his eyes past her breasts encased in a small–very–small black tank top and looked her face. The expectant look in her smoky blue eyes, the generous lips painted a dark red that just begged to be kissed off.
“Sure,” he found himself saying. He grinned quickly, indicating the rack of pool cues. “I’m always in the mood to win.”
She raised one dark slim eyebrow and put a hand on her hips. “Are you?” she asked. “Well, I hate losing,” she remarked as she selected one of the cues. She took out of the rack and picked up the chalk to rub it on top. She met his eyes. “And I never lose.”
Jason broke away from her eyes to rack the balls. There was just something incredible about this woman who had just showed up at his table. Most patrons knew who he was and didn’t come near him. He was Jason Morgan, Sonny Corinthos’ right hand man. The hitman and enforcer for the mob.
Whether this woman didn’t recognize him or didn’t care who he was–it was something different, that’s for sure.
“You can break,” he said after a few moments. She smirked and slid past him, relishing in the sharp intake of breath she heard as her bottom brushed the front of his jeans for a few minutes.
This was almost too easy.
They played in silence for the most part. Elizabeth made sure to brush past him a few more times, slid her fingers suggestively up and down the pool cue. She could hear him swallowing almost every time it was her turn.
But then he turned the tables. After one of her turns, he brushed in front of her–his back coming in contact with her breasts and she’d had to struggle not to gasp in pleasure. The mere sight of this man had aroused her, but she needed to downplay it.
She wanted to be the one in charge and it just wouldn’t work if he knew just how much he was affecting her.
As the game neared its end–they were both competing heavily, at this point either one of them could win–Elizabeth leaned against the table and watched him line up another shot. “You know,” she said, “what would make this more fun?”
Jason made his shot and looked up at the vixen who’d been driving him insane the entire night. “And what would that be?” he asked.
“Raising the stakes,” Elizabeth replied. He lined up another shot, having sunk a ball in the previous turn.
Jason missed the shot and straightened. She didn’t say anything at first as she studied the table to make her next shot. She found it and started to move past him. Jason gripped the left hip, stilling her movement and planting her right in front of him, pressed up against him. Her eyes flared a little as she realized exactly how much the stakes were raised already. “What did you have in mind?” he murmured.
She licked her lips, drawing his eyes to her mouth again. “If I win,” she began, tilting her head back to look up at him, “I get a ride.”
“A ride?” Jason repeated, knowing exactly what she meant and loving the idea. An idea sparked in him and he smirked. “All right. And if I win, I get to take you for a ride.”
The corners of her mouth quirked up in a little smile and she nodded. “Sounds fair.”
Ten minutes later, Jason sank the winning shot and straightened up. “I guess I win.”
Elizabeth glared at the table. “I can’t believe this. I’ve never lost at pool before.”
“There’s a first time for everything,” Jason teased. “So, you want that ride?”
Elizabeth finished her beer and grabbed her jacket. “Definitely.”
He took her hand and Elizabeth frowned when he led her past the stairs and towards the front doors. He pushed open the door and suddenly Elizabeth narrowed her eyes.
The man had a motorcycle. That was his big “ride.”
Shit. She should have tried harder. She should have known it wasn’t going to be easy. She’d taken it for granted that he’d be a pushover.
Shit shit shit.
He pulled a helmet off the back and handed it to her. “Here.” When Elizabeth reached out for it, he held it back. “Wait.”
Elizabeth sighed impatiently. She was already going to lose this game–that’s what she got for letting for hormones lead the way. “What?”
“I never got your name,” Jason said.
Elizabeth shrugged. This night was a loss–might as well as toss it completely down the drain. “Elizabeth.”
“Just Elizabeth?” Jason asked, raising his eyebrows.
“Yeah,” Elizabeth replied. She waited for a few seconds before she sighed again, “What’s your name?”
Jason hesitated. There was every possibility that the second he gave his first name, it might connect in her mind.
And he’d lose whatever leverage he had.
He was never one to lie to anyone so he said it. “Jason.”
Elizabeth nodded and understanding dawned in her eyes. “Now I know where I know you.”
He frowned. “Oh, really.”
“Yeah,” Elizabeth replied. “You were at Emily Quartermaine’s graduation party this spring. She’s a year a head of me in school, but we had a class together.”
Shit. This girl was only twenty-one. And a friend of his baby sister’s to boot. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea.
“We didn’t really know each other all that well,” Elizabeth continued. “But she knew Brenda and Brenda drug me along for the ride.”
And she knew Brenda Barrett. This just didn’t seem to be Jason’s night.
Elizabeth frowned. “So, you reneging on your offer?” she asked.
“What?” Jason asked, tuning back in to her. “What do you mean?”
She held her hand out for the helmet. “Aren’t we supposed to be going somewhere?” she asked pointedly. “I mean, I don’t especially know where, but you seemed to have a destination in mind.”
He had. His penthouse. But he was beginning to reconsider the idea. He hesitated another moment and looked down at her.
Wait–why should he? She’d made it blatantly obvious what she wanted. The whole ride wager–well, if that hadn’t convinced him, the way she’d been looking or the way she’d been holding the pool cue all night definitely tipped him off.
She was over eighteen–over twenty-one. She appeared to know what she was doing and it wasn’t like he was going to force her to do anything. They were both adults.
He handed her the helmet. “I think I have a way to make both of us happy,” he told her.
Elizabeth smirked and took the helmet from him. “Oh, really?” she asked, looking up at him.
In one swift movement, his hand snaked around her waist and pulled her against him. He searched her eyes for any sign that she didn’t want him this close or for any sign of hesitancy. When he didn’t find one, he grinned and leaned down.
She tilted her head up even further to meet his lips. It crossed her mind just before their lips made contacts that she’d already broke two of Gia’s rules. They’d exchanged names.
And she was definitely emotionally involved now.
They kissed with a fierce intensity, exploring each other’s mouths, fighting for control. The helmet dropped to the ground as Elizabeth threaded her fingers through his dark blonde hair. His mouth devoured hers greedily, his hands at the small of her back, holding her close.
When the need for oxygen became too much to ignore, they broke away, each sucking in air.
When Elizabeth felt calm enough to speak, she asked, “So…your place or mine?”
He swept the helmet from the ground, and handed it to her. “My place.”
She hooked the chin strap and swung her leg over the seat and scooted up behind him, letting her hands trail of the muscles of his chest.
“Hey, watch where you’re putting those,” he chastised, turning the engine on. “We want to make it there in one piece, don’t we?”
—————-
Jason closed the door behind them as Elizabeth looked around his apartment–or penthouse, as it clearly was. It was nearly bare–a few pieces of furniture and a pool table.
She frowned. Jason lived in Harborview Towers. Sonny Corinthos lived here, too. It was always in the papers–
Oh.
Oh.
She turned to look at him. “You’re Jason Morgan, aren’t you?” she asked.
He looked away for a second before meeting her gaze and holding it. “Yeah.”
She bit her lip and only hesitated for a second. “Webber.”
“What?” Jason asked, confused.
“That’s my last name,” Elizabeth replied. “Elizabeth Webber.”
“Oh.” Jason searched his mind for the name. Now that he thought about it, Brenda Barrett had mentioned her a few times. Mainly as a girl she’d met through Gia Campbell. The girl was supposed to be young and kind of innocent. Brenda had often remarked that she was taking her under her wing.
He found himself wondering how her friends had ever got the idea that Elizabeth was innocent.
He was jerked out of his thoughts by the feeling of her small hands on his chest. “So,” she asked, “Are you going to stand there staring into space all night or–”
She never finished her thought as he took her arms and held them at her sides while he devoured her mouth again. She kissed him back just as hard–eradicating any thoughts that might be lingering in his mind about what Elizabeth had wanted to do tonight.
He let go of her arms and they wound tightly around his neck, trying to pull him even closer to her body. He broke away from her mouth and trailed his mouth down her jaw line to her neck and finally her collarbone. She tilted back to give him better access and when she got frustrated by the clothing between them, she pushed him away.
“What–” Jason was cut off when Elizabeth reached for the hem of his shirt and jerked it over his head. She let it fall to the floor as she leaned forward to kiss his chest. Her lips closed over his nipple and he tensed, threading her fingers in her curls.
After a few moments of that delicious torture, Elizabeth pulled away again and crossed her arms to pull off her tank top. It was Jason’s turn to have a little fun and he pulled towards the couch, going slowly so that she could change her mind if she wanted to.
She didn’t and let him lay her gently on the leather couch. He was over her in a second, adjusting himself so he wasn’t crushing her. When he was comfortable, he leaned down and took one of her nipples in his mouth. She almost bucked right off the couch, but he held her down with one of his hands as he suckled.
“Oh, god,” Elizabeth moaned, squirming a little under his ministrations. Jason switched sides and lavished the same amount of attention to her other breast.
After a few more minutes, Jason raised himself up and captured her mouth in a soft kiss before pulling away. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed, kissing the side of her neck.
Elizabeth would have said something but he was pulling her pants off and she was too interested in what came next. She was getting a little antsy. Foreplay was nice and all, but she was becoming way too hot to concentrate anything else but the thought of—
Jason’s finger pushed inside of her, effectively breaking into Elizabeth’s thoughts. He stroked her—soft at first but as her moans got louder and she got closer, he slipped another finger in and kept his eyes on her as she closed her eyes and cried out. “Oh–J–Jason!”
He watched her orgasm wash over her and withdrew her fingers. She whimpered and opened her eyes, her breathing still heavy. “Jason–”
“Hold on,” he told her. “I just have to go upstairs–”
“No, no,” Elizabeth argued. She sat up a little and searched the room desperately. “My purse,” she told him.
He was back in a matter of seconds, but had taken the time to shed his jeans and boxers. The condom was in place when he slid back between her legs. Her legs raised instinctively to cradle him. “Are you sure?” he asked for the first time, meeting her eyes.
She nodded. “Definitely,” she promised. One of her arms was around his neck, the other on his back and Elizabeth moaned as he slid inside of her. “Oh, good lord,” she breathed, closing her eyes and tilting her head back. He thrust inside her again and she raised her hips to meet him. They eventually found a rhythm and she clutched at his back as her second orgasm of the night drew closer.
“Oh, my god,” she moaned. Elizabeth bit her lip and closed her eyes again.
She tried to hold back, tried to wait for him, but it proved impossible. “Sweet leaping Je–sus,” Elizabeth cried out.
He chuckled and thrust once more before finding his release as well. Spent, he collapsed on top of her for a few seconds. He raised his head and brought one of his hands up to push her sweaty hair off her forehead. “So.”
Elizabeth gave him a tired smile. “So.”
“I figure we could go upstairs,” he told her. She frowned when he pulled out of her. He stood and disposed of the condom before holding his hand out to her. Elizabeth stood, a little self-conscious. “Because, you know, you still have two more condoms,” he continued. “And the bed’s a little more comfortable.”
Elizabeth grinned. “Sounds good to me.”
She grabbed her purse and laughed as Jason hooked an arm under knees and swept her into his arms. “Swept right off my feet,” she drawled as he headed for the stairs.
“I knew you were trouble the second I laid eyes on you,” he mused.
Elizabeth sighed and wrapped her arms around his neck, thinking she could spend the rest of her life contently wrapped in his arms. “Yeah, well, I don’t think you quite mind the kind of trouble I’m going to cause you.”
The promise in her voice made him grin. “Oh, I think I think we’re going to cause a lot of trouble together.”
“Sounds good to me,” she laughed as he kicked his bedroom door open.
This is an episode tag to April 18, 2006. During the quarantine in February of 2006, Robin had been stunned to learn that her father, Robert, was still alive. He’d been believed dead in an explosion in 1991. Anna had returned from the dead in 2003, but she’d been given amnesia to explain her absence. Robert never lost his memory, but willingly stayed dead for over a decade. Robin and Robert struggled to rebuild their relationship at first.
This is also set in the early days of Robin and Patrick’s relationship, before they were official.
Inspiration
Around this time same, I had listened to a song by Lindsay Lohan (do not laugh, I will find out).
The foundation of Robin Soltini Scorpio’s life was that her parents had loved her above all else. Even after their death, their love was something she could wrap around her and use it to protect her from the harsh realities of her world.
And when she’d been granted a miracle with her mother’s return from the death, she’d never dared to think that her father could have survived. If he had, he would have returned to her.
It was the one certainty that Robin had allowed in her life.
I wait for the postman to bring me a letter
After the disastrous confrontation on the docks during which Robin reaffirmed the belief that if Robert Scorpio had ever loved her, he no longer did. He had been in town, had intended on leaving again without once letting her know he was there.
She hadn’t listened to his excuses, to his explanations. She didn’t want to hear them again. There would never be any words that would justify what he had done to her and to her memory of her beloved father.
She almost wished he’d stayed dead so that Robin could have clung to the illusion that he loved her.
I wait for the good Lord to make me feel better
Robin returned to the hospital and disappeared into the lab to catch up on various projects that had gone abandoned while she had dealt with Noah Drake’s transplant and the fall out that had occurred thereafter.
“Normal people go home after their shift is over.”
Robin glanced up at the familiar voice of her cousin Georgie. “Since when have I been normal?” she asked quietly.
“Since the twelfth of never,” Georgie said with a smile. “I wanted to let you know that your dad was in town today to extradite Luke back to the Markham Islands. I couldn’t come any earlier because there was a command performance at the mansion but I thought you should know.”
“Thanks, but I ran into him on the docks,” Robin said dismissively. She adjusted the slide under her microscope.
And I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders
“Ah.” Georgie slid her hands into the back of her pockets. “Sometimes I think about tracking down my real father and asking why he left me and Maxie.” She shrugged. “But then I realize I have Mac and you know what?”
“What?” Robin sighed. She made a note in her file.
“The lack isn’t in me or Maxie. It’s in him,” Georgie said.
A family in crisis that only grows older
“It must be nice,” Robin mused softly. “To have that certainty.” She smiled briefly at her cousin and Georgie was struck by the emptiness in the expression. “There’s always been so much about my life that’s unpredictable and uncontrollable but the one belief I had that I could never be shaken was that my father loved me.”
“He does, Robin,” Georgie said. “But—”
“I appreciate you coming by,” Robin interrupted. “But I really have work to do.”
Why’d you have to go
She avoided all contact for the rest of her shift and for the first time since returning to work after her suspension, Robin left the hospital when her shift ended.
She went home to her apartment and went straight to the closet in her room and dug out the cardboard box that she had lugged from place to place for fifteen years.
Why’d you have to go
It had stayed with her in her Uncle Mac’s house, in her dorm rooms at Yale and the Sorbonne. In the cottage and the penthouse, in her apartment in Paris. Robin had dragged it everywhere because she needed the comfort it gave her.
Why’d you have to go
She tugged it out to the living room and poured herself a glass of wine, bringing the bottle out to the room with her.
Tonight, Robin Scorpio was going to get good and drunk. And she was going to destroy the memories in this box because man contained within no longer existed and she was beginning to believe he never had.
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am broken but I am hoping
Three glasses of wine later, Robin had sorted through hundreds of photos, photos of Robert Scorpio and Anne Devane, young and old. She had collected these after their deaths, had scoured through her mother’s possessions, her father’s and her uncle’s to put together a complete picture of the parents she’d only had for seven years.
She’d wanted to remember every inch of them.
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I am crying, a part of me is dying and
She set the family portraits aside—those of her with her parents, with her father, with her mother. She put those that depicted Anna Devane alone in a separate pile.
The ones of Robert Scorpio went into a pile of its own. Along with newspaper clippings of his exploits in Port Charles, of his adventures and the days when he’d saved the world. Ticket stubs to movies and plays he’d taken her to; the wedding announcement from the Port Charles Herald when her parents had remarried. Those all went into a pile in front of the fireplace.
These are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
Robin was struggling with a piece of firewood when someone knocked at her door. “Go away!” she called, stumbling as she finally managed to get the log set up. She reached for the box of matches and was about to strike the first one when the door opened.
“Look, Scorpio, I don’t have time for your avoidance issues—” Patrick Drake broke off when he saw the scene before him. Robin, surrounded by hundreds of photographs and mementos, tear stains on her cheeks, a match in her hand. “Oh.”
“Go away,” Robin sighed, too tired to deal with him. “Whatever grievance you have can wait until tomorrow.”
Patrick set the patient’s file on the coffee table and nodded. “Sure. It’s not cold enough for a fire, you know.”
And I wear all your old clothes, your polo sweater
Robin smiled faintly. “It’s not for warmth. I’m just getting rid of some things.” She lit the match and tossed it into the fireplace. She sighed when it didn’t catch hold.
“Obviously, you’ve never set the mood before,” Patrick said. He took the matches from her. “First you need some douse the firewood with some gasoline or accelerant so the flames will catch hold.”
Robin frowned and then stared at her half full glass of wine. Patrick followed her stare and then looked at the half-empty bottle of wine. The scene was beginning to come together for him.
Robin tossed the wine onto the firewood. “Will that work, you think?”
Wordlessly, Patrick struck another match and tossed it into the fireplace. This time the flames caught hold and ignited. Robin sank to her knees and reached for the first photo to toss in.
Patrick kneeled across from her and stopped her. “Robin—what happened?”
I dream of another you
“Nothing.” Robin tugged her hand from his grasp and tossed the photo in. They both watched the flames eat away at Robert Scorpio’s handsome face as he was dressed in a suit for his best friend Luke Spencer’s wedding.
“Yeah, I’ll believe that.” Patrick watched as she tossed another photo in, this time one of a very young girl and Robert. He surmised the girl was Robin. When she went for a third photo, he took her hand. “Why burn them?”
“Because these are just memories,” Robin said softly. “Memories of a man I made up in my head.” She tossed the third one in. “My father came back.”
The one who would never (never)
Leave me alone to pick up the pieces
Duh, Patrick wanted to say but he refrained. He wasn’t one for emotional conversations but Robin had stood by him when his father was at death’s door, he could attempt at least to do the same for her. “I guess it didn’t go well.”
“You’re right.” Robin reached for the bottle of wine and poured herself another glass. “But you’re always right, aren’t you?”
Not falling the easy trap, Patrick didn’t answer. “What happened?”
“He was never going to tell me.” Robin tossed half the glass back in one gulp. “Never going to tell me he was back. He was going to get Luke and then take off again.”
Not for the first time, Patrick wished he could put Robert Scorpio through a wall. “I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry about.” Robin took another photo, again of herself and her father. “He just confirmed what I’ve suspected all along.”
He watched her toss the photo in before asking, “What’s that?”
“I used to think I was just a poor judge of character,” Robin said instead. “That Sonny couldn’t stand by me because he was wrong or that Jason couldn’t love me enough because something was wrong with him. But now I know it’s not the people in my life.” Her empty eyes met his. “The lack is in me.”
A daddy to hold me, that’s what I needed
“No,” Patrick denied immediately. “Sonny and Jason are just idiots and your father sucks, Robin, but there is nothing wrong with you.”
She smiled, a twisted bitter smile. “It’s nice of you to say so but it’s okay because I understand now.” Another photo was eaten by the flames and the air in the apartment was beginning to smell acrid. “My mother loves me, I know that. But not quite enough to give up her adventurous life style.”
Another photo.
“Jason loved me, but never quite enough to stop sleeping with Carly or stop choosing her over me.”
Another photo.
“Sonny loved me, but only until I broke his rules to live by.”
Another photo.
“But my father—” Robin shook her head. “I thought I could always believe in that, always believe that when all else failed, I had my father’s love.”
She picked up a photo of herself and her father, taken shortly before the boat explosion. “But it seems I didn’t even have that.”
So why’d you have to go
He was out of his element here, he had no idea how to handle a woman in the midst of an emotional crisis, he’d never let himself get that close before. But it was beginning to dawn on Patrick that whatever he had with Robin was going to be completely different than what had come before.
“You have your uncle,” Patrick pointed out.
Robin sighed. “I do have my uncle. He’s my rock, the one person in my whole life I’ve ever been able to depend on.” She went to throw in another photo but Patrick took her hand.
“You’re upset right now but you shouldn’t burn anymore. You’ll only be sorry for it later.”
Robin shook her head. “No, I’ll be glad for it. I’ve been dragging this stupid box around for fifteen years because it was all I had of my parents, of our lives together. I thought what was inside was real, that it meant something to them—to him.” She ripped a photo in half and heaved them into the fire. “When I found my mother alive, I knew I’d been granted a miracle but I never once imagined my father was still alive too.”
“Why? I mean, wouldn’t it have been a logical assumption?”
She focused on him and the heartbreak in her eyes nearly broke him. “Because he loved me and he would have come back if he was alive. He never came back, so he was dead.”
Why’d you have to go
And then Robert Scorpio had shown up, alive and well without a trace of the amnesia that kept her mother from her. He could only imagine how that would have crushed her.
Before Robin could take another gulp of the wine, Patrick nipped the glass from her fingers and set it on the coffee table behind them. “Come here.”
Robin rolled her eyes but was too tired to fight Patrick as he pulled her towards him and set her in his lap. “I’m not that drunk,” she quipped.
“Ah, there’s the Dr. Scorpio I know and love,” Patrick returned. “Relax, no funny business.” He took a deep breath. “When my mother died and my father drowned himself in alcohol, I put away all the pictures of my parents. I put them in a box, like you, and I put them on a shelf. I took the box with me when I went to medical school and I would probably have them now if I hadn’t burned them one day.”
Robin closed her eyes and rested her cheek against his chest, she could feel his heart beating through his shirt. She felt safe and protected in his embrace and she wondered absently if she could stay here forever. “Why’d you burn them?”
“Because my father showed up to my med school graduation drunk and made a fool out of himself and of me.”
Why’d you have to go
There was a long silence and Robin swallowed. “I’m sorry.”
“I was so angry at him for destroying that day, a day that my mother had been waiting for her whole life and never got to see.” He cleared his throat and forced himself to go on. “I was angry at him for destroying the memory I’d had of him until my mother died—the strong doctor who never let anything fail him. He was my hero, Robin, and I felt betrayed when he proved himself to be anything but.”
The parallels in their situations were so strong that Robin was quiet for a long moment. “My father didn’t know about me until I was seven but once he did know, he made all my dreams come true. He was a wonderful father, he was so funny and he was kind and he made me smile all the time. He made me feel safe and loved. And I thought that he would always feel that way to me.”
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
“You opened my eyes and made me see my father for the flawed person that he is,” Patrick said. “Because of you, I started to understand how my father could have lost himself after my mother died and because of you, I know that I don’t have to lose out on having my dad around for the rest of my life. People make mistakes, Robin, and they’re not infallible.”
She smiled, he felt the movement of her lips against his chest. “It’s not fair using that against me.”
“Since when do I play fair?” Patrick replied lightly.
“I’m more angry at my father for taking that memory of him away than I am at him for not coming back,” Robin admitted. “I’m angry that the way I remember my father isn’t the way he is now and that it’s likely that I’m still seeing him through the eyes of a seven year old girl who’d always wanted a father.”
“It’s hard not to measure up to how people want to see us,” Patrick said after a moment. “Knowing that you could never be what they need to you to be, no matter how much you want to.”
Robin didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Are you just talking about my father?” she asked hesitantly.
“No,” Patrick admitted. “But that’s another topic for a different time. Robin, your father has his reasons for doing what he did. You can’t change them and you can’t go back in time to when he was your hero. But he’s alive now. I’d give anything to be able to see my mother again, to talk to her, even if she had played dead for the last decade.”
Robin exhaled shakily and he could feel her tears, warm and wet on his shirt. “I’m sorry, I must seem so awful. I’m lucky, I know I am. I got my parents back and that doesn’t happen to everyone and instead of being happy and grateful, I’m being ridiculous and pitying myself—”
“That’s not true,” Patrick said. “And even if it were, there’s no handbook for how you have to feel. You get to do whatever you want. You want to be angry, be angry. Be happy, be sad, but don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not allowed to feel that way.”
“Careful, Dr. Drake,” Robin said softly. “I might begin to think there’s a heart beneath the lothario exterior.”
“There wasn’t before you.”
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth, did you ever love me
Flustered, Robin extricated herself from Patrick’s arms and started to gather the photos together again. “I should put these in an album or something,” she said. “And—you’re right. I’m upset right now and I’ll kick myself for burning these later.” She smiled though. “He did love me once. Even if it’s not true now, he loved me once and that’s—that’s enough.”
“He still loves you, Robin,” Patrick said hesitantly. “He just doesn’t know how to show it. You don’t make it easy on a man to tell you how he feels.”
Robin met his eyes, startled but looked away almost immediately. She wasn’t ready for what was reflected back at her. She shoved a pile of photos into the cardboard box. “Thank you for this, Patrick. I—thank you.”
“Will you talk to your father?” Patrick asked.
She hesitated and glanced towards the phone. “I could call him, I guess.” She chewed on her lower lip. “He gave me his cell phone number before he left the first time.”
“You should call him,” Patrick advised. “You have a second chance, it’d be a shame to blow it.”
Cause these are, these are
The confessions of a broken heart
Later, after Patrick had gone and Robin had put the box back in her closet, she hesitantly dialed the number Robert had pressed in her hand the day he’d left the hospital two months ago.
“Scorpio.”
I love you,
Robin smiled briefly. He still answered the phone the same way. “Dad?”
Robert’s voice changed. “Robin—I didn’t expect to hear from you.”
“I’m angry at you, I don’t know how to change that,” Robin began painfully. “But I want to.”
I love you
“I’m sorry, Robin. I wish there were words—but the way you found out, it was not what I wanted. I thought a thousand times how it should go but that wasn’t it.”
I love you
Robin nodded, but he couldn’t see her. “Dad?”
“Yeah?”
I, I love you
“‘The biggest reason I’m angry is because I have to see you as an adult now and not just as my dad. As a human who makes mistakes and makes decision I don’t agree with. Part of me—part of me just wants you to be the hero I knew when I was a kid.”
Daughter to father, daughter to father
I don’t know you, but I still want to
“And I wish I could be that for you, sweetheart. I wish that more than anything in the world.”
“Will you come and see me?” Robin asked hesitantly. “When you get your case wrapped up?”
Daughter to father, daughter to father
Tell me the truth
“The very second it’s over, I’ll book a plane ticket,” Robert promised. “And I’ll take a real leave of absence. Robin, I love you. I want you to know that, even if you don’t believe it.”
She didn’t believe it but maybe she would one day.
“I love you, too, Dad,” she answered softly.
Did you ever love me
Did you ever love me
“I have to go now, but I’ll call you again. And we’ll talk right?” Robert said.
“Yeah, call me again and I promise to answer this time,” Robin replied.
These are
The confessions of a broken heart
When Robert Scorpio stepped out of the gate three months later to visit Robin, this time, they had the reunion he’d wanted. She flew into his arms and he picked her up off the ground and twirled in her in a circle before setting her back on her feet. “You look well rested,” he said. He touched her tanned face.
Robin bit her lip and glanced over her shoulder where Patrick waited for them. “I just came back from a weekend at Martha’s Vineyard.”
Robert narrowed his eyes. “Oh, really,” he remarked with deliberate irritation.
Because she’d secretly dreamed of how Robert would have treated Stone and Jason, Robin giggled. She’d always wanted to bring her boyfriend home to her father.
“I’m glad you came,” Robin said softly.
“I’m glad you called,” Robert answered. He kissed her forehead, picked up his duffle. “Let’s go meet Dr. Drake.”
This is set in the summer of 2004, after Elizabeth had left Port Charles to have Cameron. On the show, she abruptly left Ric in April of 2004 when she overheard him taunting Sonny about being the better man and raising another man’s child. She decided that this was the last straw (yeah — this and not the other bullshit) and left. Rebecca Herbst was on maternity leave for about two months. When she returned, they’d closed off the Ric storyline. They divorced and didn’t revisit a romance for about a decade.
As for Jason, he was in flux at that point. His marriage to Courtney was on the rocks (they’d separated and she’d filed for divorce), but he hadn’t yet moved on to Sam.
Inspiration
I’m pretty sure that I wrote this while she was on the maternity leave. I know that I heard the song by Melissa Etheridge and wanted to write it. I hope you like it.
Banner Here
It’d been six months since she’d left Port Charles and in that time, she hadn’t been in contact with anyone she’d left behind. She’d preferred it that way and after her divorce came through—she quietly moved across country where her ex-husband would never find her. She rented a post office box in Nebraska for the alimony payments and once a week all the mail in that box was forwarded to her new home.
Whatever Ric’s faults had been, his alimony was generous and he even paid child support so Elizabeth Webber Lansing had bought a small home with two bedrooms—and a backyard. She’d never live in another apartment, she promised herself.
Her baby was four months old—a little girl she’d named Emma Audrey. Emily Audrey had been her first choice but the name had sounded slightly awkward to her ears and Emma had been the final decision.
She’d cut off all ties with her previous home and she thought that everyone else there had forgotten about her.
Which is why it surprised her when she caught a glimpse of Jason Morgan in San Diego.
I played the fool today
She decided it was a coincidence—that Jason was not looking for her and if anyone would look for her, it would not be her somewhat ex-boyfriend. It’d be Lucky or Emily.
She concluded that if it had been Jason—and she wasn’t even sure of that—he did not know that she lived in San Diego and even if he did—she wasn’t sure why he’d care enough to know, anyway—it would not matter to him.
And I just dream of vanishing into the crowd
Jason was there to find her, though. Emily was getting married—not to Nikolas as everyone had expected—but to Lucky Spencer and the only thing Emily wanted for her wedding was for Elizabeth to be her maid of honor.
Jason promised to bring her home. For his sister, for Elizabeth’s grandmother—for himself.
It hadn’t been difficult to get the address of the post office where Ric sent a monthly check. Once he’d located the post office in Nebraska, he’d paid handsomely for the information of Elizabeth’s current location.
It hadn’t been more than seventy-hours since he’d left Port Charles and he was standing in front of Elizabeth’s home, watching her sit on a blanket on her lawn with the baby cradled in her arms.
Longing for home again
She’d changed in the six months since she’d left—becoming a mother was just one of those changes. Her hair was longer—curlier than he remembered. Almost as curly as those days he’d spent in her studio healing from the gunshot wound. Had it been almost six years since that time?
She hadn’t lost all of the weight from the pregnancy but he didn’t think it looked to bad on her, actually. She had always been beautiful but being a mother had added something extra to that.
He didn’t call out to her at first—he knew that she’d left Port Charles to escape memories and no matter how much Emily wanted her home, he would not disturb her if she were happy here—happy being away from the misery her life there had given her.
But home is a feeling I buried in you
“Are you cold, Emma?” Elizabeth cooed. She tucked the pink blanket in more tightly around the squirming baby. “I can’t believe how fast the summer has gone. Before you know it, I’ll be decorating for Halloween. I found the cutest kitten costume for you.”
As if actually understanding her mother, Emma cooed and kicked her legs. “And then it’ll be Christmas. I used to have lots of Christmas decorations—but I had to leave those behind so we’ll be buying new ones and we’ll get a tree and you can pick what I’ll put on a top. A star or—an angel.” She held Emma up and smiled as Emma giggled. “Which would you rather have?”
“An angel’s supposed to watch over things.”
He didn’t know he’d actually spoken until she lowered Emma into her baby carrier and looked at him. Whether or not she was surprised at his presence, her face never changed.
I’m all right, I’m all right
“Jason. I didn’t think you knew where I was.”
He strode across the grass then and sat on the edge of the blanket, regretting the way the light had gone from her eyes with his arrival. “It wasn’t so hard to find you—once I found the PO Box in Lincoln.”
“I don’t want Ric to know where I am,” Elizabeth admitted. She started to put Emma’s various toys into her diaper bag. “It’s easier that way. Each check he sends, he sends with it a letter asking me to come back.”
“And you don’t plan on going back?”
“Not to him.”
“But you’d consider coming back?”
She looked up at him and frowned. “Why are you here, Jason? Why would you to go the trouble of finding me?”
It only hurts when I breathe
“Emily wants you to come home. She’s getting married and she wants you to be her maid of honor,” Jason informed her.
Elizabeth’s eyes widened. “She’s getting married? But—it’s so soon after Nikolas died—”
Jason sighed and looked away. “I didn’t realize—you left before—he’s not dead, Elizabeth.”
“He’s not?” Elizabeth asked, startled. She pressed her lips together firmly. “Don’t know why that doesn’t surprise me as much as it ought to. No one in Port Charles stays dead. Not Lucky, not Brenda Barrett, not Nikolas—not Sonny.” She shrugged and zipped the diaper bag shut. “So she and Nikolas are getting married.”
“Nikolas fell in love with someone else. He had amnesia and when he finally got his memory back—he went back to Emily but the woman who’d taken care of him—he loved her.”
“That must have devastated Emily.”
“By the time Nikolas returned, Emily had moved past her grief and she was already—moving on in a sense.” Jason hesitated. “She’d changed while he was gone and neither of them were the people they’d been when they’d fallen love.”
I can’t ask for things to be still again
“I can understand that. Who is she marrying?”
“Lucky.” Jason shifted. “It’s in a few months—you wouldn’t have to decide right away but she wants you there and the only thing she wanted from me as wedding gift—was to find you.”
“I wish I could,” Elizabeth said softly. She held her finger out to Emma who curled her tiny hand around it. “But I’m not sure it’s a good idea for me to return to Port Charles.”
“Ric would not be a problem for you—I’d see to that personally,” Jason pledged.
“It’s not Ric I’m worrying about. I can handle the letters he sends—because he’s been generous with alimony and child support and I don’t have to work. I can spend all my time with Emma.”
“Emma,” Jason repeated. He glanced at Elizabeth’s daughter who was studying him with her open brand of curiosity. The baby was tiny with creamy skin, wide blue eyes and light brown—almost blonde—hair. “She’s beautiful.”
“I wanted to name her Emily but the name didn’t go well with her middle name,” Elizabeth explained. “Emma Audrey Webber.”
“So if it’s not Ric you’re worried about—then what is it?”
I can’t ask if I could walk through the world in your eyes
“Old memories,” Elizabeth said briefly. She stood and swung the diaper bag over her shoulder before lifting Emma’s carrier into her arms. “Go home, Jason. Tell Emily that I love her and I wish her all the happiness in the world. But I can’t go back there.”
She turned towards the door and was almost there when he called out to her. She glanced over her shoulder. “What are you scared of?” he demanded.
Elizabeth pursed her lips and sighed. “Grab the blanket and come inside. The least I can do is feed you before you leave.”
Longing for home again
She put Emma down for her nap and beckoned Jason to join her in the kitchen. “I don’t have any beer—”
“Elizabeth, I don’t need—” He broke off. “Why won’t you come home?”
“This is my home now,” Elizabeth murmured. She started making two sandwiches—one pastrami and the other a simple bologna and cheese. “I worked hard to make this my home and I can’t—I can’t risk it.”
“Can’t risk what?” Jason leaned against the Formica counter and frowned at her. “Where’s the risk in going to her wedding?”
“Because I don’t like who I am in Port Charles,” Elizabeth said simply. “And you can’t change my mind about it. Give Emily my address and phone number if you like—I’d like to keep in touch with her. But please don’t think you can talk me out of staying here.”
He sighed heavily. “Elizabeth—”
“I’m finished talking about it.” She shoved the pastrami sandwich towards him. “It’s not as good as Kelly’s but it’ll do.” She hesitated. “So—I know what Emily, Lucky and Nikolas are doing. How about you?”
But home is a feeling I buried in you
“I’m divorced, too,” Jason offered. “We got divorced in April—around the time you left, actually. Courtney left town—she and Sonny had this—.argument and they don’t talk anymore.”
“That’s too bad.” Elizabeth shifted. “Sonny and Carly get back together?”
“No—they actually signed divorce papers,” Jason informed her. “Carly’s gone, too. She and Alcazar—they imploded and he’s—” he hesitated. “Gone,” he finally said. “Carly’s living in Florida—with Courtney actually.”
“Sonny?” Elizabeth asked. “Does he still see his boys?”
“Not as often as he’d like but yeah—he’s engaged to Sam.” Jason grimaced. “Not sure if I like that.”
I’m all right, I’m all right
Elizabeth laughed. “Oh, why not? I always liked her.”
“She talks a lot,” Jason said simply. “Too much—and she’s always asking me advice about Sonny. If she should do this, or do that—I know she wants to make him happy and all but—it’s just—irritating.”
“So—basically—you just listen to Sam talk, you work and you talk to Emily.” Elizabeth nodded. “Sounds—like you’re okay.”
He shrugged. “It makes the day go by faster. What about you? Is it just you and Emma?”
“If you’re asking if there’s someone in my life—no. No guys, no friends—I don’t need anyone else but Emma.”
“Why?” he asked bluntly.
“Because I had friends once—I had someone that I loved and it brought me nothing but pain. I left Port Charles to keep that from happening again and I just—I’m not interested in doing all of that again.”
It only hurts when I breathe
He sighed and pushed his plate away. “When I said I was here on Emily’s behalf—that was partially true.”
“Then what’s the rest of it?” Elizabeth asked briskly.
“I had to see for myself that you were okay.” He exhaled slowly. “Six months and no word—I’ve never gone that long without knowing.”
She frowned. “You were gone for a while year—”
“But I could ask Sonny if you were okay or Emily or hell, even Alexis. I knew when you faked your death, when you had your accident—about your wedding with Lucky—I was never out of touch with someone back home so six months was a long time.”
She stared at him. “I didn’t realize you’d thought of me so often.”
“All the time,” he admitted. He rounded the counter and stood in front of her. “I should have told you some of this when I came home the last time.”
I’m all right, I’m all right
“It would only have hurt me worse if I’d known,” Elizabeth said softly. “Because at least then—I could believe you didn’t care.”
“And thinking that I didn’t care hurts less than knowing that I do?” he asked—a little baffled.
“Because if you didn’t care—I wasn’t losing anything.” Her voice was shaky now and she hated him for doing this. For coming into her clean and private world and shaking it around—making her feel—making her remember. “Because if you didn’t care—losing you wouldn’t destroy me and—it didn’t. Because I knew I didn’t matter.”
He shook his head sharply. “No—that’s just not true. You did matter—you still matter—”
“No—I’m not doing this.” She turned away from him and left the kitchen. He followed her into the living room. “I want you to leave.”
“I’m not leaving.”
It only hurts when I breathe
“Why?” Elizabeth spun around and jabbed a finger in his chest. “Why now? When I’m away from it all—when I’ve put it all behind me? Why do you do this now instead of five seconds after I walked out that door?”
“Because I didn’t think you cared anymore and if you didn’t care then I wasn’t losing anything.” Her own words were spit back in her face—and oh, how they stung.
“That’s not fair.”
“No, it’s not,” Jason agreed. “It wasn’t fair to feel that way then and it’s still not fair that we both feel that way now. When I came home that last time—I came home for you.”
My window through which nothing hides
She paled and stepped away. “No—that’s not true—you came home for Sonny—”
“I knew you weren’t with Lucky anymore and I thought enough time had passed that you were over him but you weren’t. And I’d already waited for two years—I didn’t think a few more months would change anything.”
“Jason—this is ridiculous—why are we rehashing things that happened two years ago? We had our chance and whatever was between us—it wasn’t enough to survive. You married Courtney. I married Ric. You have no right to come here and pretend like it’s the morning after I walked out on you—”
“I didn’t intend to say any of these things but I thought you should know the truth. I married Courtney, yes. But she didn’t understand me. She didn’t get me half as much as you did. She called the cops on her own brother and knocked me out to save Alcazar.”
“She did what?” Elizabeth asked, stunned. “Why would Courtney be anywhere near—how could you let her that close to a job?” she demanded. “Do the two of you have any sense?”
“Elizabeth—you are the only woman in my life who has never betrayed me and I think I finally figured out why that is.”
“Because I have the common sense that God gave a mule?” Elizabeth said dryly. “Jason—I don’t—”
“Because you know me and you know what would hurt me and you would never do anything to hurt me deliberately just like I would never do anything to hurt you deliberately.”
“That’s not true—Jason, you’re not being very clear here—”
And everything sings
“Do you remember the way we used to be?” Jason interrupted. His voice had changed—it was quiet now. “When we were in the studio and it was just the two of us.”
“We work when we’re alone—but other people screw it up,” Elizabeth said. She backed up from him and turned away.
“I felt safe there and I thought it was because no one knew I was there. But that wasn’t it at all. And when you were at the penthouse, it felt like a home to me.”
She turned back then, her guard down a little—her eyes wary. “It did?”
“But it was never the studio that made me feel safe or the penthouse that felt like home—it was you.”
‘Cause I’m counting the signs
“Jason—” Elizabeth trailed off uncertain. “I don’t know what you want from me—”
“I want you to tell me why you won’t come home,” he challenged.
“I told you.”
He stepped towards. “And this time—I want you to be honest with me.”
“It hurts,” Elizabeth whispered. “It hurts to be around you. It always has—but I thought I could make it okay—that if I could have your friendship—”
Cursing the miles in between
“Are we just friends?” Jason interrupted, “or do you want something more from me?”
She stared at him for a moment before answering. “Yeah—yeah, I do,” she breathed.
“Then come home. Just for a little while—just for Emily’s wedding.”
“What about after that?” Elizabeth asked cautiously.
Home is a feeling I buried in you
“I don’t know,” Jason admitted. “But I know that I don’t want to go another six months without seeing you.” He held a hand out to her. “Come home.”
I’m all right, I’m all right
“All right,” Elizabeth agreed, hesitantly. She took his hand and smiled faintly as he held it tightly. “I’ll come home.”
The famous panic room reveal aired on July 11, 2003. It was a Friday, and the episode ended up on Liz pressing the button and turning to look at Carly, horrified. At the time, I can’t remember if we knew that pulmonary embolism was coming or if i was just spoiler free. That doesn’t sound like me, but you never know. Anyway, a cliffhanger Friday meant LissieLove writing a story on Friday night.
Timeline
This takes place in July 2003. Ric has kidnapped Carly and has held her hostage in the panic room while Elizabeth doesn’t know anything.
Banner
Something went wrong
You’re not laughing
It happened almost as though in a dream. One moment, she’d been unpacking a box of books. The next, Carly had vaulted out of nowhere and was screaming her name.
“Elizabeth!”
Elizabeth whirled around so fast that she slipped and fell, staring up at Carly with a shocked expression. No one had seen Carly in almost a month. She’d vanished from the face of the Earth.
“C-Carly—”
“Elizabeth, thank God,” Carly cried, almost weeping. She reached down and practically hauled the other woman to her feet. “We need to get out of here.”
“Wait, wait.” Elizabeth pushed away from her and put her hands to her head, closing her eyes. “You—where have you been? What’s going on?”
“I’ve been here,” Carly said, frantically, already pulling her towards the door. “In that stupid panic room. Come on, Elizabeth!”
“In what panic room?” Elizabeth demanded. Her eyes drifted past Carly to the open room behind her. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened a little. “Oh my God—”
“Elizabeth, please, we have to go!” Carly cried.
Elizabeth nodded. “You’re right. Let’s go—”
She heard the door open before she could finish. She turned and looked at her husband. “Ric.” Carly’s hand tightened on hers. “What’s going on?” she demanded.
Ric’s eyes darted between his wife and his captive. “Elizabeth, I know you don’t understand right now—”
“You kidnapped Carly!” Elizabeth cried. “She’s been missing for a month—”
Ric stepped forward and Elizabeth impulsively retreated a step, backing into Carly. “I’m doing this for you,” he tried to explain. “Just like we discussed. Another baby.”
Elizabeth blinked. “You—you think we’re going to raise Carly and Sonny’s child?” she asked softly. “You’re crazy.” She shook her head. “We’re leaving.”
Ric reached behind him and pulled out a small pistol. “No. You’re not.”
It’s not so easy now to get you to smile
You gotta be strong
Elizabeth paced the small space of the panic room. “I can’t believe I was so stupid.”
Carly’s brown eyes followed the tiny brunette from side to side. “You weren’t stupid. He was good. Very good.” She gestured towards the television screen. “I saw how he acted with you.”
Elizabeth stared at the different screens, each showing a different spot in the house. Their bedroom. Their kitchen. Their living room. “How did he hide this from me?”
“He was careful,” Carly said dully. She sank onto the cot and stared at the crib next to her. “He had this completely set up before he took me.”
Elizabeth frowned. “The night of the wedding—” she trailed off. “You must have been struggling. Why didn’t I know?”
“You were asleep on the couch,” Carly answered. “The police came. I saw it.”
“But Ric said—” Elizabeth stared at the couch on the screen. “I’m not a deep sleeper. I haven’t been in so long.” She stepped closer to the screen and something caught her eye.
A prescription bottle.
She reached for it, on a shelf above the television screens. “This is a sedative,” she said softly. “In my name. He got a prescription for a sedative in my name.”
“Elizabeth—”
“He drugged me,” Elizabeth murmured. “Oh my God. He drugged me so I couldn’t stop him.” The bottle clattered to the floor and she stepped back, her vision blurring. “Oh my God, my husband drugged me.”
“Elizabeth—” Carly stood, feeling out of place as she tried to comfort the other woman. “I’m sorry.”
“He said we made love, but I didn’t remember,” Elizabeth went on. Her hands were starting to tremble. “I thought it was just the wine, but I didn’t remember.”
To walk these streets
And keep from falling
“Elizabeth—”
“My clothes were off,” Elizabeth choked out. “He undressed me—or we made love and I just don’t remember—”
Carly closed her eyes, remembering the moment she’d woken up next to Ric, also nude. They hadn’t slept together then, but she hadn’t known. The thought had haunted her for moments, causing more than one nightmare. “Elizabeth, he violated you.”
“No—but—”
“He drugged you,” Carly said firmly. “You said yourself you don’t remember anything. Jesus, Elizabeth. Take the blinders off. If he just undressed you, it’s still violating you.” She closed her eyes. “And if he did more—”
Elizabeth sank onto the cot, pressing a hand to her mouth. Tears spilled onto her cheeks. “No—it’s just not possible. I can’t—” She cleared her throat. “We need to talk about what we’re going to do.”
“What can we do?” Carly asked, sighing. “Believe me, I’ve thought of it all. I’ve even gotten out of here a few times, but he always catches me.”
“Only one of us needs to get out of here,” Elizabeth said softly. “I’ll take care of Ric. You run and just keep on running, okay?”
“I can’t leave you in here,” Carly said. “I’ve got leverage. I’ve got the baby he wants. You go.”
“Carly, you being pregnant is precisely the reason you should go,” Elizabeth argued. “Look, this is my fault. I have been blind to who my husband really is. I defended him when I was wrong. God, I must have defended him a thousand times to Sonny and Jason just this month and look how wrong I was!”
“You had no idea!” Carly insisted. “I heard everything he told you. He snowed you, Elizabeth. He led you to believe he was something that he wasn’t. You’re not the first person to buy into his bull.”
“Everybody lies to me,” she whispered softly. Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Nice to know some things will never change.” She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter, Carly. You run. Get help. I can hold my own against him. He won’t hurt me.”
“Won’t hurt you?” Carly scoffed. “Come on. He raped you!”
“No!” Elizabeth cried. She shook her head vehemently. “No.”
“No!” Elizabeth screamed. “Not again! It didn’t happen again!”
But when you’re not, just let yourself cry
Carly paled and looked away, remembering how Elizabeth had come to the penthouse, desperate to believe that Ric was different. She’d been sleeping with him and Carly understood Elizabeth needed that reassurance.
She only wished she’d been able to give it. “Elizabeth—”
Elizabeth shook her head. “Don’t. Don’t okay? Don’t pretend that you like me or even feel sorry for me.”
“No woman deserves that,” Carly said firmly. “To be violated like that. Not by their husband, not by someone they thought was their friend—”
“And not by some stranger in the park,” Elizabeth said softly. She closed her eyes and sank to the floor. “I feel sick.” She was on her knees, one arm braced on the floor, the other around her middle. “Oh my God.”
Carly crossed to the bathroom and shoved the door open. “There’s a toilet in here.”
Elizabeth made it there, but only barely. She vomited until she nearly passed out, and then she slid away, sitting against the wall, her knees in the air, and her head in her hands. “I can’t believe this is happening to me,” she whispered. “I can’t believe I married someone who could do this to me.”
Carly stepped inside the small space and flushed the toilet. She grabbed a toothbrush and squeezed some of the paste on it before handing it to Elizabeth. “Here.”
You’ve been working hard
Just trying to pay the rent
When Elizabeth had brushed her teeth and splashed some water on her face, Carly left her in the bathroom, closing the door behind her, sensing she needed some time alone.
She crossed to the television screens watching as Ric paced the bedroom nervously. She glanced up as she heard the doorbell ring and looked back to the screen.
Elizabeth came out and frowned. “What was that?”
“The doorbell,” Carly murmured as she watched Ric hurry to answer it. “It’s Emily.” She glanced at the other woman. “Don’t bother screaming or pounding on the wall. It doesn’t work.”
“I figured as much.”
After a few moments, Ric closed the door and looked towards the panic room. He crossed to it and they watched him take the remote out of his pants. Elizabeth crossed to the other corner.
“As soon as I get him distracted, run,” Elizabeth told her. “Okay? Run as fast as you can and get out of here.”
“Elizabeth,” Carly began, but the door began to slide open and Ric entered.
Before he could say anything, Elizabeth charged him and jumped on his back, wrapping her small hands around his head. “Run!”
Carly darted out of the room and only spared one look back before she flew out the front door.
Ric easily tossed Elizabeth off, making her land with an oomph on the cot. “Why’d you do that?” he roared.
She tossed her dark hair out of her eyes and glared at him. “Why’d you rape me?” she hissed.
He blinked, the word rape draining his anger. “What?” Ric asked incredulously.
“You drugged me,” Elizabeth seethed. “And then you either just undressed me or we had sex. And I don’t remember a damn thing.”
“That doesn’t make it rape—”
“The hell it doesn’t!” Elizabeth screamed. “You drugged me! How was I supposed to say no?”
“Elizabeth, I just needed to make sure you wouldn’t stop me,” Ric tried to explain. “I did this for you—”
“You did this for yourself,” Elizabeth shot back. “You’ve been trying to replace our child with Sonny’s. Did it occur to you that I don’t want a child?”
Ric shook his head. “No, no. That’s not true. You want a family. We both do.”
“Not with you,” Elizabeth snapped. “You’re insane, and you’re a rapist.”
“I am not a rapist!”
Tryin’ to draw the line between who you are and who you invent
But if you throw a stone
Something’s gonna shatter somewhere
Carly stopped at the first payphone she found, her hands shaking as she called Sonny’s cell phone collect.
She screamed her name when they asked for it and Sonny hurriedly accepted the charges.
“Carly? Jesus, are you okay? Where are you?”
“Sonny, you have to go to Ric’s!” Carly cried. “Elizabeth is there and she’s alone with Ric, he took me and Elizabeth is there! You have to get there! Sonny, go!”
“Wait, wait, where are you?”
“Damn it, Sonny, he raped her and you have to get her out of there! I’ll meet you there. Just go!”
She slammed the phone down and took off down the block. She’d be damned if Elizabeth was going to sacrifice herself.
It took her five minutes to get back to the Lansing home and she was out of breath, ready to keel over when she got there. A month inside a small dark room had really drained her. Her eyes were sensitive to light and she felt so weak.
“Elizabeth!” she screamed as she crossed the threshold. She saw the open door of the panic room and Ric standing in the doorway. He was glaring at something she couldn’t see. “Elizabeth!”
Ric looked at her and smiled. “Well, look who returned.”
“Get out of here, Carly!” Elizabeth yelled. She came into Carly’s line of vision suddenly, launching herself at her husband as they crashed into the rack of black boxes against the wall.
She heard a car screech to halt behind her. Carly whirled around to see Sonny and Jason throwing open their car doors and rushing up the walk. “She’s in there!”
Jason pushed past her and crossed the living room in a few quick strides, drawing his gun from the small of his back. He pointed at Ric. “Let her go.”
“Let her go?” Ric demanded. “She’s got me in a headlock!”
Which was true. Elizabeth was on Ric’s back, her tiny arms wrapped around his neck, trying her best to squeeze the life out of him. Every time he tried to shove her off or reach his arms up to pull her hands from his throat, she switched angles.
Jason had fight against smirking, but didn’t lower his weapon. “Elizabeth, let him go and go outside.”
“No,” Elizabeth snarled. She dug her nails into his throat, eliciting a growl from her husband. “He’s going to pay for what he did to me!”
Jason frowned and shook his head. She never did know when to quit. “Elizabeth, just let me handle this.”
Finally Ric managed to throw Elizabeth off. He aimed for the cot, but she went flying past it and crashed into the crib. Without thinking, Jason discharged his gun twice, sending Ric flying backwards and into the bathroom. He didn’t move.
We’re all so fragile
We’re all so scared
Carly pushed past Sonny and darted into the house as Jason hastily tucked his gun back in its spot. “Stay back, Carly. I’ve got her. Tell Sonny to call a crew.”
Jason stepped around the cot and knelt beside the unconscious brunette. He checked her pulse and sighed in relief when he found it steady and strong. “She’s alive. She’ll probably have some bruising. We’ll get her back to the penthouse and get a doctor there to see her.”
Carly watched in worry as Jason easily lifted the tiny woman into his arms and was on his heels as he carried her outside.
Sonny blanched when he saw Elizabeth limp in Jason’s arms. The image was hauntingly familiar. Barely a year ago, Jason had carried her from an about to explode crypt.
“Get her and Carly out of here,” Sonny said quietly. “I’ll wait for the crew. Is Ric—?”
“I don’t know,” Jason answered. “I didn’t look. He’s out though.”
“Okay, go.”
You say you wanna learn how to live your life without tears
But we’ve been trying to do that for thousands of years
While a doctor was taping Elizabeth’s ribs, Jason cornered Carly downstairs in the penthouse living room. “Sonny told me what you said on the phone.”
Carly sighed and tugged at the bottom of her shirt. “Where’s Courtney?” she asked, changing the subject. “And Michael? I want to see them. I haven’t seen them in a month.”
“They’re on the island,” Jason said impatiently. “Carly, you’re avoiding my question. You told Sonny that Ric raped Elizabeth.”
“Elizabeth didn’t know I was there until today,” Carly said softly. “She was doing something and it triggered the panic room door. We were on our way out of there but Ric stopped us.”
“Carly—”
“I’m getting there,” Carly snapped. “He locked us both in the panic room and Elizabeth was freaking out by then. Jason, she had no idea what Ric is really like. She thought he’d changed. There were these television screens in the room and I saw the way he played her. He made her believe he’d let this vendetta go. He played the part of the perfect husband.”
“Finding out differently must have thrown her,” Jason interjected.
“Yeah, well, turns out the night Ric locked me in there, Elizabeth had a blackout of some sort. At the time, he convinced her it was just the wine she’d drank earlier. But today, she found a bottle of sedatives. He drugged so she wouldn’t stop him. And when she woke up, she was—well,” Carly shrugged. “Naked.”
“Jesus,” Jason exhaled. “So he drugged her and you guys think—?”
“He violated her, Jason,” Carly said firmly. “Whether it was no more than just taking off her clothes like he did to me or it was more. She was definitely violated.”
“If he wasn’t already dead—” Jason trailed off and shook his head. “Is she okay?”
“She was upset,” Carly admitted. “Lost it for a few minutes. But I think she shoved it aside to get us out of there. The second he stepped inside, she jumped him and kept screaming at me to get out of there. She’s—she’s got guts, Jason. A lot of them.”
Jason nodded. “Yeah—she’s always been like that. She wanted to protect you.”
“She did. So I got her help and went back in case she needed me,” Carly finished. “Of course, it looked like she was holding her own.” She looked towards the stairs. “She’ll be okay, right?”
“Physically, yeah. Just some bruised ribs and a concussion,” Jason answered. “But—”
“Yeah,” Carly said, understanding what he didn’t say. “Jason, don’t take this the wrong and please do not tell anyone else what I said. But—after today? I kind of—well, respect her now. And—I want—” She hesitated and glared at her friend who was trying not to smirk. “Don’t give me that look. She put herself in danger to protect me.”
“Yeah, I get that. It’s just strange coming from you.”
“I want to help her,” Carly said bluntly. “I want her to stay here or something. She’s going to be really upset when this hits her, and I guess I want to be there for her. I think she could use a friend.”
“She will, Carly.” Jason hesitated. “It’s good that you want to be there for her. But I know her. She won’t let you.”
“You knew who she was a year ago,” Carly said quietly. “I know her. I’ve watched her every day for the past month. I know that she sings when she paints and thinks no one else is in the room. I know that she makes extremely bad coffee and about the only thing she can make are brownies. I know that her face scrunches up when something in her painting isn’t working—”
“Okay, okay, I get the point. You know her better than me,” Jason said. He rubbed the back of his neck. “I used to know her better than anyone, you know? I knew when she was lying, when she was upset. And now, I don’t know her at all.”
“Do you miss her?” Carly asked, tilting her head to the side. “As a friend or whatever?”
“Sure,” Jason said easily. “She was one of my best friends. She mattered to me.”
“Then maybe this is your chance to get that back,” Carly murmured.
So go on and cry Ophelia
It’s the only thing to do sometimes
Elizabeth laid on the bed, staring up at the ceiling blankly. It was easier if she didn’t move. She could just stare at the white ceiling and she wouldn’t have to think about the fact that she was in the guest room at Carly’s penthouse.
If she didn’t think about her location, she wouldn’t think about why she was here. That her husband had kidnapped a pregnant woman and kept her captive for a month while he fed his gullible wife a lot of bullshit about being a changed man.
Or that he’d drugged and possibly raped her the night he kidnapped the other woman. She squeezed her eyes shut, feeling tears in the back of her throat. Oh, god. It had happened again.
She turned on her side and drew her knees to her chest, ignoring the pain in her ribs. She started to cry and once the first tears trickled down her cheeks, they only came faster and stronger. Soon she was sobbing, her face buried in the pillow.
She didn’t hear the door sliding open or feel Jason’s weight sink into the bed as he sat down. He smoothed the hair away from her face and she only cried harder.
Her own husband, someone she’d trusted and loved, had drugged her and then violated in the worst way possible. In a way Elizabeth had once vowed would never happen again.
“You shouldn’t pull your knees up like that,” he said softly. Jason straightened her legs. “It’s not good for your ribs.”
“I don’t care,” she choked out. “I just want to be by myself, okay?”
“Okay,” Jason said, amiably. He smoothed her hair again. “I’ll check on you later. Do you need anything?”
“The last few months of my life to disappear?” she sobbed. “Can you do that?”
“I wish I could,” Jason said. He stood and closed the door behind him.
You know I’m crying too
Right there with you
He closed the door behind him and shook his head wordlessly. He wondered what existed in some men that gave them the urge to do this to people. How Ric Lansing could have fooled Elizabeth into thinking he was so wonderful—so that he could turn right around and violate that trust, trust he knew she didn’t give easily.
She was still crying, he could hear her through the door. Even after all this time, after the pain, the nasty words—it still ripped at him when he heard her cry.
Sonny had gotten home when Jason came down the stairs. He was arguing with Carly insisting she go to the hospital.
“You’re probably dehydrated or suffering from malnutrition,” he was saying.
Carly rolled her eyes. “I am fine. What I want you to do is bring Michael and Courtney home. I need to see my son.”
“They’re already in the air,” Sonny said. “Now will you go?”
“No,” Carly said. She caught Jason’s eye. “Hey. How is she?”
Jason sighed. “She’s okay. Upset, but physically fine.”
Sonny frowned. “Now might be a good time to explain what you said on the phone.”
Carly shifted uncomfortably. “It’s really her business, not mine. Maybe she doesn’t want everyone to know.”
Sonny exhaled slowly. He put his hands on his waist, leveling his trademark intense glare on his wife. She braced herself for a fight and was prepared to stand her ground.
After a moment, Sonny nodded “You’re right. If she wants me to know, she’ll say so.”
“How’d things go at the house?” Jason asked. “Where’s Lansing?”
“Dead,” Sonny answered. “He bled out—painfully, I might add. We’ll arrange for the body to be found sooner or later. Good clean ending for Elizabeth.”
“He deserved to be cut into miniscule little pieces and fed to the wolves,” Carly muttered.
Sonny nodded. “Yeah. For what he did to you and the havoc he apparently wreaked on his own wife. What did he hope to accomplish by kidnapping you?”
Carly sighed. “He wanted our baby. He blames you for her miscarriage and wanted to replace their baby.”
“That’s sick,” Sonny declared.
“Yeah, it is,” Carly replied. She rubbed her abdomen. “You know, I watched her these last few weeks. She never trusted him fully, she was always a little suspicious.” She bit her lip. “He lied and lied to her and all I wanted to do was scream at her stop believing him.”
“Come on, I’ll make you some dinner,” Sonny said. “Jason, will you check on Elizabeth one more time before you go to the airport?”
“Yeah. No problem.”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries
She wasn’t crying when he entered the room the second time. She was lying on her back, staring at the ceiling.
“Do you need anything?” Jason asked.
“I think we covered that question,” Elizabeth murmured. “Did Carly tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“What Ric did.”
“That he—” Jason hesitated. “That he drugged you and—”
“She shouldn’t have said anything,” Elizabeth whispered. “It’s bad enough she knows.”
“She’s worried about you,” Jason told her. He shut the door behind him. “I am, too.”
“Why?” she asked dully. “You were right, weren’t you? Ric was bad news. I had no business being with him. I was just protecting a rapist.”
“I never should have said it that way,” Jason admitted. “But I’d just found out what happened to Carly and here you were, being so damn stubborn—it was like you weren’t listening just to spite me.”
She chuckled dryly. “Yeah. Everything I do is always about you Jason.”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“I defended Ric because he made me believe that my love mattered, that I was enough,” Elizabeth said softly. “That I hadn’t wasted my time trying to make another relationship work. Just another mistake, Jason. Nothing more. Had nothing to do with you.”
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth.”
“Is he dead?”
“What?”
“Is he dead? Am I a widow?”
“Do you really want me to answer that?” Jason asked, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets.
“I think you just did.” Elizabeth sighed and folded her hands across her abdomen. “You know—I was waiting for him to come today. I was so excited—because I knew how happy he’d be.”
Jason walked towards her, trying to catch her eye, but she kept her attention firmly on the ceiling tiles. “About what?”
“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. “Silly me. I thought when he meant he wanted a family, he wanted my child. Should have known he wanted some blonde’s instead.”
Jason closed his eyes, feeling a sharp pain lance through him. “He was sick, Elizabeth. Sick and twisted.”
“Yeah, I guess he’d have to be to pretend to rape one woman and then drug and rape the wife he kidnapped someone for.” Elizabeth sighed. “I sure can pick ‘em. A brainwashed cheater, a hitman and a sociopath. I wonder what’s next. Do you think I’ll just settle for a homicidal maniac who has weird fetishes? Like he likes to wrap his victims in toilet paper before he slits their throats?”
“I’m not a hitman, Elizabeth and you know that,” Jason retorted.
She laughed again, coldly. “Forgot. That’s just one area of your job. We never did discuss the aspects. I was always too weak and fragile to handle it, huh?”
He shook his head. “What are you going to do?”
“About the baby?” Elizabeth asked. “Don’t know. I mean, what kind of child is it going to be? The offspring of an unemployed loser and a rapist?”
“You’re not a loser and it doesn’t matter what the father was like. Ric is dead and he can’t hurt you anymore.”
“If that’s what you believe, then you have a lot to learn about relationships, Jason. Just because someone’s gone, it doesn’t mean it’s over.” She turned and curled up into a ball, hissing when her knees came into contact with her sensitive ribs. “Sometimes it’s just beginning.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Tell Carly and Sonny I’ll be out of their way in a day or two. When I figure out what’s going through my head, okay?”
“You can stay here as long as you need to,” Jason assured her.
“With the happy mob squad? I’d rather chew nails.”
He hesitated. “Carly’s—”
“Worried about me, yeah I know. You already told me that.” Elizabeth closed her eyes. “Just leave me alone, okay?”
He shook his head. “No. I’m not going to leave you alone so you can sit up here and feel sorry for yourself.”
She jerked into a sitting position then, her cold gaze burning into him. “Is that you think I’m doing?” she seethed. “I’m trying to deal with the fact that my husband—who is dead now—not only lied to me with every single word out of his mouth, but that he drugged me and that I was raped for the second time in my life. I’m so sorry if I’m cramping your style or I’m not bouncing back as quickly as you think I should be, but I can’t—”
“I’m sorry,” Jason interrupted. He sat on the edge of the bed. “I shouldn’t have said that. I know you better than that.”
“Do you?” Elizabeth demanded. “Did we ever know each other at all? Or were we just fooling ourselves?”
Thank god for my bad memory
I’ve forgotten some of the stupid things that I’ve done
“Of course we knew each other,” Jason said, almost startled by her vehement words. “We were friends.”
“Yeah,” Elizabeth sighed, the fire drained from her body. She laid back down. “Friends.”
“I’m sorry, Elizabeth—”
“You’re always sorry, Jason. It never changes anything.” She closed her eyes. “Could you please go now?”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, there’s nothing left to say. You’re always sorry. And I’m always alone.”
“You’re not alone, Elizabeth—”
“Emily and Nikolas were married last week. A small chapel just outside of town. Lucky was there, Alexis, Luke, Monica, other members of both families. And I heard about it on the news,” Elizabeth said softly. “Lucky’s been mourning his girlfriend’s death for a month, but I found out about it in the newspaper. The only people I have are my grandmother and Ric—and I can’t look at my grandmother in the eye.”
“Why not?” Jason asked.
“Because I weaved a little fairy tale for her. About the wonderful and kind Harvard lawyer who swept me off my feet. That we had the perfect courtship and that marriage, with the minor inconvenience of a miscarriage, has been idyllic. How do you suppose I tell her that he was a monster? That he’s dead and I’m glad?”
“Why tell her anything?”
“You mean lie?” Elizabeth asked, raising her eyebrows. She smirked. “Why, you the paragon of virtue, are encouraging me to mourn my rapist husband? Tell me, Jason, does the word hypocrite mean anything to you?”
He stood and shook his head. “Sometime in the next week, his body will be found. So that you can have a quick ending to all of this. Your marriage will be over, and you won’t have to explain his absence.”
‘”I think it’d be for the best that I am at the house when he’s found then,” Elizabeth said softly. “So that when the two of you are questioned, I don’t have to be in a position to explain why I’m here.”
“Probably,” Jason admitted. “But Carly and Sonny want you to stay.”
“And I’m not going to complicate your lives any further. You have Carly now. You and Courtney can have your little wedding and I’ll just sell the house and try to get my old studio back.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Yeah. I know. You’re sorry.”
I’ve come to a little wisdom through a whole lot of failure
So I watch more carefully what rolls off my tongue
He never made it to the airport. He didn’t leave the room and eventually she fell asleep. He sat in a chair and watched her sleep. She was a restless sleeper, tossing and turning. Her breathing was shallow at times and he found himself worrying about her concussion.
When Courtney called about a ride home, Sonny just sent a guard out to get them. He knew that Jason was still upstairs and decided to leave him alone. It wasn’t every day that your ex-girlfriend was raped by her husband.
When Elizabeth woke a few hours later, he was still sitting there. Staring at her, his eyes trained on her face. She frowned. “Why are you here?”
“I’m worried about you.”
She sighed and slid into a sitting position, setting her feet on the ground. “Tell me,” she began quietly, “where does this sudden burst of concern come from? Where has it been in the past ten months or so?”
He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his thighs, clasping his hands together. “Tell me,” he echoed, “have you ever made a mistake?”
Elizabeth eyed him suspiciously. “Is this a trick question?”
“The day you walked out on me, when you demonstrated your inability to handle my life—”
“That is not what that was about!” Elizabeth fumed. “That was about my inability to come last, to be neglected. My inability to accept that promises are allowed to be broken for the sake of business.”
He knitted his eyebrows together in a frown. “Why didn’t you say so?”
“Silly me, I thought I did,” Elizabeth snarled. “I guess I was depending on your ability to understand me. Hoping for too much again, huh?”
He shook his head. “When you walked out, and you turned your back on me every time I tried to talk to you—”
“Yeah, both times,” Elizabeth muttered.
“It occurred to me that maybe you didn’t care about me anymore,” Jason told her. “I’m not sorry I moved on. I’m not sorry I listened to you when you told me we were over, that I’d ruined any chance we had. I’m not sorry that I fell in love again and you’re not going to make me sorry for that.”
She closed her, willing the tears to stay where they were. “I deserved it,” she whispered. “Because I walked away so many times from what I really wanted, I deserved what I got.”
“You did not deserve to have Ric Lansing drop into your life,” Jason said firmly. “No one deserves that.”
“Yeah, okay.” Elizabeth sighed. “Well, I’m all right. I feel fine. You can go.”
“I didn’t finish,” Jason interjected. “I’m not sorry for any of those things, but I am sorry that our friendship suffered.”
“Suffered,” Elizabeth scoffed. “Died, you mean.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Yeah, you’re sorry. We established this.”
He sat next to her on the bed. “Do you remember when I told that sometimes when you go away, it doesn’t make the feelings go away? That it just makes it clearer?”
“Yeah—” Elizabeth sighed. “I remember that.”
“Sometimes you don’t need to go away.”
Elizabeth frowned. “What does that mean?”
“It means that I miss you.”
Elizabeth blinked and stared at him. “You miss me,” she echoed. She laughed. “Well, goody for me. Should I bow at your feet now?”
“Why do you do this?” he asked. “Why are you so angry with me?”
“Maybe it’s because you think telling me you miss me is supposed to fix the way you’ve treated me.” She launched herself off the bed and crossed the room. “Well, I miss you too. I miss talking to you and taking rides on the bike. But you know what I don’t miss? I don’t miss the phone calls, I don’t miss the way you’d run out to help Sonny and Carly with a hangnail. I don’t miss the way you shut down on me without the slightest provocation. I don’t miss the way you make me feel inferior, like I’m not good enough for you because all I wanted was your trust.” She found her shoes underneath the bed. “Yeah, I miss our friendship Jason, but not enough to sacrifice my self-respect—what I have left anyway.”
She ended her tirade by slamming out of the guest room, leaving Jason stunned and speechless in her wake.
You pray for rain
But you don’t want it from a storm
Courtney and Michael were home when Elizabeth rushed down the steps. Courtney jumped to her feet and immediately looked at the brunette suspiciously. “Elizabeth.”
Carly frowned. “Where are you going? You should be resting—you have a concussion—”
“I’ll be fine,” Elizabeth said quickly. “I appreciate everything, but it wouldn’t look right if I were here when—Ric—well—” she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “You know what I mean.”
“Don’t tell me you’re going to back to him!” Courtney scoffed. She rolled her eyes. “My God, how naïve can you be? What does he have to do so that you realize what scum he is? Does he have to rape you too?”
Elizabeth paled and her eyes filled with tears. “It’s funny you should say that Courtney,” she whispered. She heard Jason’s footsteps on the steps behind her. He stopped on the landing. “Real ironic, you might say.”
“Courtney, just go home,” Carly advised. “This isn’t the time or the place—”
“No. Because Elizabeth is too stupid to see what a monster her husband is, he had the opportunity to kidnap Carly,” Courtney interrupted. “Now how did he manage to pull that off without you noticing? Did you help? Were you part of the plan?”
“Courtney, that’s enough,” Jason ordered. “Stop it.”
Elizabeth was trembling now. “You’re such a hateful person, Courtney. You automatically think I’d do something like that?”
“Well, I don’t know, Elizabeth. Maybe the reason you’re going back isn’t because you’re scared of him or because you just don’t see it. Maybe you like it,” Courtney snarled. “Maybe you get off on being with a rapist—”
“Shut up!” Elizabeth cried. “You don’t know anything about me!”
“Courtney, that is enough,” Carly said firmly. She put a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “You don’t know what happened—”
“I don’t need to. Here Elizabeth is, all ready to return to her rapist husband. So, what is it, Elizabeth? What makes you love him despite the terror he inflicts?”
“Courtney, stop it,” Sonny cut in. “Carly’s right. A lot of things happened today—”
“All of which has done nothing to make you see what he’s done! Did you come and beg for Ric’s life just like you begged for Zander’s?” Courtney demanded. “You’re so selfish, Elizabeth—”
“No, that would be you,” Elizabeth cut in softly. “For your information, I’m not going back to Ric. He’s dead. I’m going back to the house so that when his body is found, the police won’t be able to connect this back to Sonny and Jason. And that is all you deserve to know, so you can take your accusations and hateful words and shove them.”
She pushed past them and left the penthouse, slamming the door behind her. Courtney sighed. “Well, at least that’s over.”
Carly stared at the other woman, surprise written all over her face. “Is that what I sound like?” she asked no one in particular. “When I go off without any of the facts? When I throw tantrums and accuse people of things they didn’t do?”
“Honestly?” Sonny asked, a small smirk on his face. “Yeah.”
She glared at him but turned the intensity of the glare onto her sister-in-law who was staring at her strangely. “All you had to do was shut up when we told you to. But you just sat there and kept yelling at a woman who had her entire life ripped out from underneath her today. Do you ever think about anything but yourself?”
“That’s not fair,” Courtney cried. “I’ve been so worried about you these last couple of weeks. I’ve done everything I can to keep your son from worrying about you. We postponed our wedding until we found you! How can you say that I don’t think about anyone but myself?”
“You know, being self-absorbed is one thing, but being cruelly selfish is another.” Carly shook her head. “I can’t deal with this right now.” She held her hand out to her son, who’d been watching the events unfold with an interested expression. “Come on, Mr. Man. You and me need to get caught up.”
“Okay, Mommy.”
Carly led to the stairs and they disappeared onto the second floor. Courtney sighed. “Okay, so what the hell happened today?”
Jason didn’t answer her. Instead, he shook his head. “I need a ride.”
“I’ll come with you,” Courtney said quickly.
“No. I need be by myself for a while,” Jason told her, holding his hands up to ward off her approach. “I’ll see you when I get back.”
Yeah, you find a rose
And cut your finger on a thorn
She entered the house which Sonny’s men had cleaned up that afternoon. The panic room was closed and she had no inclination to open it or tell anyone that it was even there when she sold the house.
She closed the door behind her and stared at their living room. This morning, she’d been in love with her husband and tonight—
She crossed the room and stared at the photographs she’d unpacked before Carly had fled the room and shattered her life. The biggest one was a framed photo of them on their wedding day.
She picked it up and studied it. Studied her smile, the ecstatic look in her eyes. She remembered how overwhelmed and happy she’d felt when he’d taken the rings out of his pocket.
At the time, she’d been floating on air. His vows had made her feel so cherished, so valued. And now they made her skin crawl. Every word, every promise, every touch, every kiss—it felt vile and she could feel the disgust spread throughout her body. She’d given herself to him, more than once, without inhibition. She’d made love to him, believing he loved her.
She’d made love to a rapist.
Tears blurred her vision and her throat felt tight. She gripped the frame tighter and then hurled it against the wall. “I hate you!” she screamed. It shattered and slipped to the ground, the picture still intact.
She swept everything off the back table, the vase and the water the flowers were sitting in went flying to the floor. She took a lamp from the table and flung it towards the door. It missed its target and went flying through the front window, shattering it.
She sank to the floor, sobbing.
So go on and cry, Ophelia
It’s the only thing to do sometimes
He saw the broken window first before the shards of the lamp at his feet. He was inside before he could think twice.
The living room was destroyed. She’d thrown anything she could find against the wall and now she was crumpled into a tiny ball behind the couch, sobbing.
Jason crossed the room in a few quick strides and lowered himself to the ground. “Elizabeth,” he said intently. “Are you hurt?”
She raised her red-rimmed eyes to him and nodded. “Yeah, but you can’t see where I bleed,” she choked out. “It’s here,” she told him, pressing a hand to her heart. He closed his eyes and instinctively gathered her into his arms, pressing her sobbing face into his chest. He didn’t tell her it’d be okay, or that everything was going to be all right. She didn’t need to hear the right now and for the first time in nearly a year, Jason knew exactly what Elizabeth needed from him.
He just held her while she cried.
After a while, she’d exhausted herself and couldn’t cry anymore. She wasn’t sleeping or passed out. She was just quiet. The only sounds in the room were their breathing.
“Why are you here?” she whispered, her voice hoarse.
“I was out riding—” Jason hesitated. “I just—found myself here and—I thought—you might need me.”
She closed her eyes and for once, she didn’t throw up her defenses. She didn’t give him some smart comment about how she’d never needed him. She just spoke the honest truth. “You’re right. I did.”
He smoothed a hand down her back before pulling away from her a little bit. “I’m sorry about what Courtney said,” he told her, reluctant to bring up the topic of his fiancée while she was so upset.
“She was right,” Elizabeth whispered. “I was stupid and I was selfish. All that time Carly was in there and I just kept throwing you out when you tried to tell me. When you tried to explain that Ric was bad—that he was keeping secrets—I just laughed in your face. And you were right all along.”
“I didn’t want to be,” Jason admitted. “I wanted—I wanted to believe you were happy, that he was treating you right.”
“I’m glad he’s dead,” Elizabeth said emotionlessly. “He’ll never hurt anyone again and that’s all that matters to me.”
“What about—” Jason trailed off.
“I’m keeping this baby,” Elizabeth said firmly. “I thought—I thought about having an abortion the first time around, but I couldn’t do it then and I know I can’t do it now. I just have to find a way to make sure I can take care of her.”
“If you need anything,” Jason began to offer automatically, but she cut him off.
“I don’t think Courtney would appreciate you making a promise like that,” she said softly. “I mean—I’m grateful that you’d offer, but let’s face it, Jason. We can’t—we can’t be friends anymore.”
“Why not?” he demanded. “Why shouldn’t we be?”
“The simple fact that if I ever have to see your fiancée again I’m afraid I might have to pummel her into the ground,” Elizabeth answered easily and without hesitation. “I won’t apologize for it, but I hate her. It doesn’t matter that she was right, she had no right to say what she did today and I just—can’t be around her.”
“So what does that have to do with us?” Jason asked.
“Don’t be thick, Jason. You—” Elizabeth sighed. “You’re going to marry her. You’re going to do whatever it takes to make her happy and you hanging around your ex-girlfriend won’t do that.”
“Don’t do that,” Jason told her. “Don’t go making your mind up about me like that. You hate when people do that to you, don’t do it to me. I’m not just Courtney’s fiancé, and I’m not just Sonny’s enforcer either,” he added.
“No,” Elizabeth murmured looking away. “But sometimes that’s all you think you are.”
You know I’m crying too
Right there with you
“I want to help,” Jason told her, ignoring the comment and the truth behind it. “And if Courtney can’t accept that, it’s not my problem.”
“There’s nothing for you to do,” she told him. “This is my—.life—.I have to start taking responsibility.” She pushed herself to a standing position. “And as soon as I get this all cleared away, I’ll figure out what I want to do.” She saw her easel across the room. “I still have that one woman show Ric set up. Why not take advantage of the one good thing he did?”
“Okay,” Jason said, rising to his feet. “But just because there’s nothing for me to do—does that mean we can’t talk?”
“What would we talk about?” Elizabeth asked. She started picking up shards of glass.
“We never needed a set list of topics before did we?” Jason questioned, helping her.
“This isn’t before, Jason. We’ve both changed and—there’s still—I’m still angry with you,” Elizabeth admitted, her eyes downcast. “And I don’t see that going away.”
“But why are you still angry?” he questioned. “You’ve moved on, what does it matter what happened in the past?”
“Because I trusted you. I trusted you with my life—and you wouldn’t return that. You didn’t trust me,” Elizabeth replied. “And we can’t be friends without trust.”
“Elizabeth—”
“I’m going to be okay now,” Elizabeth said, crossing to the kitchen to throw the shards into the recycling bin. “You can leave.”
“I don’t want to—”
“Don’t argue with me,” Elizabeth told him. She turned to face him. “Don’t make this difficult, Jason. You know we can’t be friends. It wouldn’t work.”
“Why can’t we just start over again? Develop that trust over again?”
“Because you will never trust me the way I want you to. And besides, Jason, we’ve come too far to just start over and be friends.” She bit her lip. “The truth of the matter is that we will always be more than friends and I just—.I need to deal with that.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Jason persisted, following her back to the living room. “If we’re still more than friends—”
“Because I still feel the same way I felt last summer,” Elizabeth confessed, crouching to pick up her wedding photo from among the glass shards. “That hasn’t changed, Jason. And I can’t be friends with someone I’m still in love with and watch them get married and be happy with someone else. Not right now. Not at this point in my life.”
He didn’t answer her, his mind still stuck with the still in love with part. She stared at the photograph again before starting to tear into tiny little pieces.
After a few moments she looked at him pointedly. “Don’t you have a wedding date to set?”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries, Ophelia
“I figure that we can just do it all over again the same way,” Courtney told Jason. “Same outfits, same wedding guests, you know?” She frowned when she realized he was reading the newspaper rather than listening to her. “What are you reading that’s more important than our wedding?”
“Ric’s body was found last night,” Jason reported. “It only took three days. I’m just wondering how long it’ll be before Baldwin decides to come get us.”
“Well, it’ll be okay. There’s no evidence you guys did anything.” Courtney smirked. “In fact, I bet you anything Elizabeth is the one who gets charged.”
Jason frowned and stared at her. “What do you mean by that?”
She shrugged. “Well, it’s not a big stretch. There’s no evidence against you two, it automatically turns to the wife. The wife who won’t show a lot of emotion, who will probably put the house on the market immediately, the wife who doesn’t have an alibi because she was unconscious. She can’t defend herself without incriminating you guys and if she knows what’s good for her, she won’t do that.”
Jason nodded. “Yeah, you’ve got a point. They just might turn it around on her.” He folded the paper and tossed it aside. “I need to talk to Sonny.”
“Wait a second, Jason, the wedding—” Courtney trailed off when he shut the door. “Damn it. When do I come first?”
Sonny was reading the same article when Jason entered the room. “I suppose you’ve read this already,” Sonny said.
“Yeah. I give Baldwin an hour tops before he knocks on your door,” Jason replied. “Courtney brought up something. They can’t pin this on us—but what about Elizabeth?”
“Courtney brought it up?” Sonny asked. “I don’t see Elizabeth running into any trouble.”
“Baldwin’s going to be suspicious if Elizabeth ends up selling the house really quick, she doesn’t have an alibi, she won’t be that upset, you know what I mean?”
“Baldwin will just assume she’s covering for us,” Sonny mused. “It’s nothing to be worried about it and if turns out to be something, we’ll deal with it.”
It’s the perfect thing to do sometimes
You know I’m crying too, right there with you
She slept in the guest room and had her things all packed, just waiting for time to pass so that she could put the house on the market. She had cried appropriately when Detective Capelli reported Ric’s body had been found. She had filed a missing person’s report the day before.
She had an appointment with the funeral home for the next day. Elizabeth was playing the grieving wife perfectly so she wasn’t sure why Jason was standing in front of her, encouraging her to leave town.
“Jason, they don’t suspect me,” Elizabeth tried again. “I’m not worried.”
“Well I am,” Jason replied. “You don’t know how Baldwin thinks. He’ll see this as a way to get to me and Sonny. He knows you didn’t do it, but he thinks we did.”
“Well, for once he’s right,” Elizabeth muttered. Jason’s face darkened.
“Does it bother you?” Jason demanded. “To know that I killed him?”
Elizabeth looked at him, stunned. “Jason—”
“Does it bother you to know that it’s not the first time I’ve taken a life?” Jason continued. “Or did you just never think about it?”
Her mouth wouldn’t work and she suspected even if she could get words out, she wouldn’t know what to say. What could she say?
“Look, forget it,” Jason said after a moment of silence. “I don’t want Baldwin coming after you, thinking he can use you.”
“Where is all this concern coming from?” Elizabeth asked curiously. “You’ve barely looked my way in months. And now I couldn’t get rid of you if I wanted to.”
He stepped closer to her. “I told you that I’ve made mistakes. I’m trying to make them right.”
“Jason—there are some mistakes you can’t fix,” Elizabeth said helplessly. She stepped back and turned to stare at the wall she knew hid the panic room. “If I didn’t need the money from selling this house, I think I’d bulldoze it to the ground.”
“Will you at least think about leaving?” Jason asked. Before Elizabeth could answer his cell phone rang and her face twisted in bitterness, thinking of all the other times it had interrupted them.
He turned away to fish it out of his pocket and answer. “Yeah?”
“It’s me,” Courtney chirped. “Where are you? We’re supposed to discuss a new date today.”
“Can’t it wait?” he replied, almost impatiently.
Courtney was silent for a moment. “Jason, where are you?” she asked softly.
“I’m at Elizabeth’s,” Jason answered without hesitated. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed Elizabeth slip into the hallway that led to the kitchen.
“Why are you there?” she asked, irritated. “I thought it was over and done with.”
“Elizabeth and I are friends—”
“Since when?” the blonde demanded. “You two haven’t talked in months. What could you possibly have to discuss now?”
“I’m not going to do this with you,” Jason replied, not bothering to hide his impatience or tense tone.
“Do what? Discuss the fact that you’re over another woman’s house?” Courtney snapped.
“Don’t you trust me?”
“Not when it comes to Elizabeth.”
There was silence for a moments before Jason was able to speak. “I guess that’s it then. I’ll stay somewhere else. You can deal with the penthouse. Goodbye, Courtney.”
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries, Ophelia
He hung up the phone and slipped back into his pocket before turning around to find Elizabeth was back in the room, taking the painting from her easel. “You’re packing already?”
“It’ll save me the trouble,” she murmured. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. “Don’t you have somewhere to be?”
“No,” he answered. “Not anymore.”
She frowned at him momentarily before stacking a blank canvas on top of the unfinished one. “Okay.”
“You didn’t answer me. Will you at least think about leaving?”
She sighed. “Maybe. If what you say about Baldwin is true, I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay.” Jason shifted. “I should go anyway. Let you get back to packing.” His hand was on the door handle before she said his name. He looked at her over his shoulder.
“It doesn’t bother me,” she said softly. He frowned and turned around fully. “About Ric, I mean. You were just protecting Carly. He would have kept coming after her and probably Sonny, too.”
“I was protecting you too,” Jason admitted. “He just—threw you off him like you were a coat and you went flying across the room. I was worried you’d been hurt more seriously.”
She bit her lip. “And it’s not that I avoided thinking about your job, but most of the time I just—didn’t think of it. But if you really want my answer, I’ll tell you. No, the fact that what happened wasn’t the first time and that I’m aware it won’t be the last time—it doesn’t bother me and it never did.”
“Why not?” Jason asked, curiously.
“Because I knew it was either you or the other guy,” Elizabeth said softly, meeting his eyes. “And I was always grateful you came back.”
Cry, Ophelia
I’m crying too, right there with you
He stared at her for a few moments before looking away. Total acceptance what he did had never happened to him before and to tell the truth, he didn’t know how to respond to that.
“Are you gonna be okay here?” he asked. “I mean, by yourself?”
She sighed, stared at the couch where she knew it’d taken place. “I haven’t slept in three days,” she confessed quietly. “Every time I close my eyes, he’s there.”
Jason ran a hand through his hair. “I could stay if you want.”
She shook her head. “No. That’s okay. If it gets too bad, I can just go to a hotel or something. Besides—Courtney wouldn’t like it.”
Jason hesitated, thought about telling her that he’d just broken things off, but refrained. “Okay. But call me if you need something, all right?”
“All right,” Elizabeth agreed reluctantly. She smiled then, just a small weak one, but the closest thing to a genuine smile he’d seen in a long time. “You know what I could go for?”
“What’s that?”
“A ride,” Elizabeth said. “Do you have time?”
“Sure. Come on.” Jason pulled the door open and held it open until she passed him and headed towards the driveway where his bike was parked.
It was a start.
It’s alright, Ophelia
Everybody cries
Cry Ophelia won favorite short story in the 2003 General Hospital Reader’s Choice Awards!
This was a sequel to Please Remember, and I only write it because I was so excited by the amount of replies I got at The Canvas (50!). Everyone wanted a sequel, and I thought this was my ticket to fame (I was 18, be kind, LOL), and so I wrote this. And then no one really read it. Also, the song I used has been sooo hard to find. It was like scrubbed from YouTube and Spotify, and I finally found it on Vimeo. It was one of the solo songs the Backstreet Boys individually sang at their shows.
He stands in front of the mirror and stares at himself. He can no longer recognize the person he’s become.
He feels her hands at his throat. “Jesus, did you tie this thing yourself?” Carly grumbles as she unties the silk fabric and redoes the bow.
He brushes her hands away. “Lay off, Carly,” he says quietly. Jason Morgan is getting married today—it’s his second marriage and he still doesn’t love the woman he’s about to wed.
He and Courtney had come together in a time of mutual despair and grief. She’d been thrown by her husband’s betrayal and Jason was desperate to feel anything at time when nothing colored his bleak world.
He stares at himself in the mirror and he wonders when his life became this. When he’d lost sight of who he was and what he wanted. Was it the day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his penthouse and took the color with her?
Was it the day he kissed a woman he barely knew and didn’t even like all that much in the rain? When he married a woman he couldn’t stand and pretended to love her?
All of those days counted—but the day that mattered the most—the day he really realized how deep a hole he’d dug himself—
The day Elizabeth Webber walked out of his life forever.
She’d left town shortly after their goodbye and hadn’t left a forwarding address. She’d felt no need. Their goodbye was done and their time together had ended. He’d briefly flirted with the idea of trying to find her but what good would that do? So he could know exactly how happy she was?
I tried to pick the pieces up
And I can’t think of starting over
Carly sighs loudly. “Honestly, Jason. You could at least pretend you’re excited,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You’re getting married.”
“Carly,” Jason says. She ignores him and moves around to his back, looking at him over his shoulder in the mirror and straightening his tuxedo jacket. “Carly,” he says again. She meets his eyes in the mirror and frowns.
Had Jason always looked this sad?
“What?” she asks, shoving the thought to the deepest part of her mind.
“I don’t love her,” Jason says quietly. “You know that, don’t you?”
Carly shakes her head. “Jason, don’t be silly—”
“Carly. I don’t love her,” Jason says again. “I’m only marrying her because she’s pregnant.”
“That’s nonsense,” Carly murmurs. She steps in front of him to fasten his vest securely. “You dated her for nearly seven months. You have to feel something for her.”
“I care about her,” Jason admits. “But I’ll never love her.”
“You could learn to love her,” Carly says. She takes a step back and straightens lapels of his jacket.
“Carly, would you just stop being Sonny’s wife and Courtney’s sister-in-law and listen to me for a second?” he asks, not able to control the biting tone of his voice. Carly looks up at him, her eyes sad.
“I’m sorry,” she says softly. “I don’t mean to dismiss your feelings like that.”
“I know,” Jason replies. “But will you listen to me when I tell you that I don’t love Courtney and I never will?”
We used to share the stars above
I don’t wanna think it changed
“Jason, you can’t shut yourself away from the world,” Carly tells him. “I know it’s been a tough year, but you never gave Courtney a chance to win you over.” She gives him a small smile. “I’m not blind, you know. Sometimes I’d just rather pretend I don’t see things.”
She sighs and steps away from him, crossing to the bedroom door of his penthouse. She opens it and peeks down the hall to ensure no one is there. When she’s satisfied, she closes the door and turns to him. “It’s her, isn’t it?”
Jason’s brow creases in a frown. “What?”
“Elizabeth Webber.” For once, the scathing and insulting tone is absent from Carly’s voice when she speaks of the other woman. “It’s her you’ve loved all along and nothing will ever change that.”
Jason stares at her for a few moments before nodding. “I will always love Elizabeth.”
For the first time in forever, Carly doesn’t launch into an explanation about why Elizabeth was never right for him and why he’s better off without her. Instead she sighs. “Then why did you ever let her get away?”
“She wanted to go,” Jason replies simply. “And now she’s gone and I have no idea where she went. She doesn’t need me, Carly.” He lifts his shoulders in a simple shrug. “And Courtney does.”
Carly sighs and looks away. She runs her finger along the mahogany dresser. “She lived here for only a month,” she says. “And I grew to respect her. Because I could see that she cared about you. The day I told her Sonny was dead, she was so worried about you, Jason. She couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t come home and why you never called. I knew. I knew why you were doing it. I didn’t agree but it wasn’t my place to judge you.”
She looks up and meets his eyes. “You couldn’t face her. And by the time you could, you’d convinced yourself you didn’t deserve her or her love. And you let her walk out. And you were surprised when she wouldn’t come back when you made half-ass attempts to get her back.”
She paused and studied him for a second. “Tell me, Jason, did you ever tell her that you were sorry for leaving her in this penthouse for days on end without word—without even a simple telephone call? Did you ever tell her how you felt?”
Jason shakes his head slowly. “No,” he tells her. “I never did.”
She nods, as if she expected his answer. “You have two choices, Jason.”
And now I gotta move on
I’ve gotta catch up to the world
“You can go downstairs and leave this building to go the church. You can wait down at the end of the aisle for Courtney. You can marry her and raise your child with her—a child, Jason, that I know you’ve wondered if it is even yours. You can do that and be miserable the rest of your life.”
She takes a deep breath. “I can’t believe I’m even suggesting this. Sonny would disown me,” she mutters under her breath. “Or you can get out of the monkey suit and decide what it is you want from your life. Do you want to be Sonny’s errand-boy the rest of your life? Do you want to live a life where you come home to a woman you don’t love and never will?”
“Or do you want to go and find out if there’s hope for your own happiness after all?” Carly finishes with a heavy sigh.
Jason looks down at his tuxedo-clad body. “Why are you doing this, Carly?” he asks.
She steps forward and touches his face. “Jason—I know I’m not always very grateful for what you’ve done for me and I guess we could chalk that up me being selfish.” She chuckles. “And we both know I might be the most selfish woman alive.”
Jason just shakes his head. “Carly—”
“No,” she says, holding up her hand. “Let me finish. You took care of my son—loved him like he was your own—simply because I asked you to. I know how much that decision wrecked your life, but Jason, trust me, Robin wasn’t right for you. I don’t know—maybe she was once upon a time. But—” She sighs. “You did it anyway. You did everything in your power to make sure I always had Michael—even when I betrayed your trust and slept with Sonny. Jason—you have been the best friend a girl could ask for and what have I given you lately? A lot of grief. I know I pushed you into this decision. Sonny and I both did, and I apologize. I know I never let up on Elizabeth and I’m sorry for that as well.” She gives him a sheepish smile. “In all honesty, I was afraid she’d take you from me. That she would replace me in your life.”
“Carly—”
“I know. I know, it was stupid and I should have known better. And I’m sorry, Jason. I’m so very sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you.”
He takes a step towards her and puts his hand on her shoulder. “Carly, I don’t hold any of that against you. I did this to myself. It’s my fault. Elizabeth walked away because I made her feel like she didn’t matter. And she stayed away because I wasn’t the person she cared about anymore.”
Even though I gave you my life
As wrong as it seems I know it’s right
“I look at myself in the mirror, Carly and I don’t recognize myself,” Jason says quietly. “I’ve lost myself. I married Brenda and I slept with Courtney. Two things I never would have done if I’d been thinking about it at all. I let Elizabeth walk out of my life for good without once telling her how I feel.”
“And how do you feel?” Carly asks tentatively, hoping for once Jason will be honest and answer question.
He steps away from him and runs his hands through his hair. He doesn’t answer at first and Carly deflates, disappointed. He won’t tell her—and why should he? Since when has she actually been a friend to him? Why should he tell her how he feels the first time she acts like one?
She’s startled when he begins to speak but listens closely. “I love her,” Jason admits. “I love her more than anything in my entire life. She’s such a wonderful person, Carly. I wish you’d given her a chance. She’s so loyal—she never lets anyone tell her what to do or who to see. You remember how she protected me that Christmas I spent at her studio.” Jason chuckles to himself, remembering. “My little attack dog.”
Carly gives him a brief smile as he continues, “I was lost when we first became friends. Robin and Michael were gone. You and Sonny were at each other’s throats. I was living in world that was black. But Elizabeth—one night she was at Jake’s, trying to drown the pain of losing Lucky by finding something that hurt worse.” He looked up, his eyes swollen and red. “And she brought color to my life. She painted me a picture of what it felt like to ride my bike. She loved going on that thing—used to beg me to let her drive. When we’d go around the turns, she’d scream for me to go faster. I’ve never met anyone else who loves to ride as much as I do, but Elizabeth said it made her feel free.”
Carly’s eyes mist with tears as Jason pours his heart out to her. How has she managed to ignore what Elizabeth did for Jason? How much she means to him? Has she been that blind—that ignorant—that scared of losing her place in his life that she’d refused to see how happy he was around her?
“She’s so small,” Jason murmurs. “I feel like I’m ten times bigger than I am when I’m around her. Her hands fit into mine so neatly and her head fits right underneath my chin.”
He looks up at her and meets her eyes. “I love her so much, Carly, that it hurts to breathe knowing she’s in another town—living somewhere else and that she doesn’t know how much I care—how much I needed her.”
But is there a trace that I can go away
To escape the love that I will forever know
“You can’t marry Courtney,” Carly tells him. She shakes her head sadly. “I know she’s pregnant—but marriage isn’t the answer. You don’t love her Jason and you can’t sentence yourselves to a loveless marriage. You both deserve more.”
“She’s pregnant, Carly and Sonny—”
“Oh, fuck Sonny,” Carly retorts. “Are you Sonny’s errand boy or are you Jason Morgan? You can’t be both.”
“Carly—”
“Don’t get me wrong. I adore Sonny. He’s my life. But he’s been pushing this marriage since the second he found out Courtney was pregnant. And you and I both know she’s been seeing AJ once in a while. And as your best friend, I won’t allow you do this.”
Jason cracks a ghost of a smile. “You won’t allow me?” he repeats, a little amused.
“Look, Jase, you can be in this kid’s life without marrying Courtney,” Carly says. “If we’re really lucky, Jase, we get to find true love once in a lifetime. You never let me give up on Sonny. And as much as this pains me, I’m not letting you give up on Elizabeth.”
“We said goodbye,” Jason argues.
“Yeah? And you can say hello when you find her.”
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still
Jason shakes his head. “That’s not the way it is between the two of us,” he tells her. “When I first left town, she refused to say goodbye. She said it was too final. And we haven’t said goodbye ever since.” He takes a deep breath. “But when she came to give me the painting a few weeks ago—she said it. She said we had to do it because that’s the way it had to be.”
“Well, yeah—and at the time you were going to marry Courtney,” Carly says. “I’d say goodbye too. Marriage—is such a final blow to any relationship. I know that sounds really weird but you know what I mean. I’m sure Elizabeth felt that whatever the two of you shared or should have shared or whatever—that it was in the past and since you were getting married, it would have to stay in the past. So maybe she needed the closure.”
Jason looks away. “Maybe.”
“Jason. I know you like to let people live their own lives—and really—that’s a very admirable quality—but sometimes—people need to feel that they matter. That they’re worth fighting for.” Carly pauses. “Elizabeth fought so hard for you all the time. I know she made mistakes—but you have, too. Everyone does. It’s a part of life. Don’t you think that a love as strong as what you feel for her—don’t you think that’s worth fighting for?”
“What if she doesn’t feel the same?” Jason asks, a little nervously. “What if I throw this all away and she doesn’t love me?”
“And what if you don’t throw this all away and she does?” Carly asks. “You’ve never been worried about what ifs, don’t start now.”
Jason looks at her and frowns. “And how am I supposed to break the news to Sonny and Courtney?”
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Carly laughs. “You leave that to me, Jase. I think you’ve got some searching to do.”
Jason kisses her on the forehead. “Thanks, Carly. For being a friend.”
“Well—I figured you were due,” she replies. “After everything you’ve done for me, it’s about time I returned the favor.” She gives a little shove towards the closet. “Now, go change and do what it is you have to do to find Elizabeth. I’ll go take care of the Corinthos siblings.”
Carly steps out of the room and heads down the steps. She knows that she’s just encouraged Jason to run away on his wedding day and find the girl she never quite approved of.
She also knows that Jason deserves to be as happy as she is and as much as it pains her to say it—the happiest she’s ever seen Jason is around Elizabeth.
And if Elizabeth can invoke feelings like that in a man like Jason—
Well she couldn’t be all that bad, right?
Where can we go from here
Why, why do I cry inside
When love is gone away
Jason is halfway packed when Benny calls him back. He hadn’t expected it so soon and was a little surprised when Benny reeled off Elizabeth’s address so easily.
Apparently, Elizabeth had registered to vote a week before and there she was. Elizabeth Webber. 245 Cedar Drive, Apt 121. Tallahassee, Florida.
Jason tells Benny to book him a flight before he can change his mind. He’s sure that if he thinks about the decision he’s made long enough—he’ll get back into that tuxedo and marry Courtney.
It’s altogether possible, he realizes, that Elizabeth will slam the door in his face.
But it’s a possibility Jason needs to take. He needs to know that they’re completely over.
He needs to tell Elizabeth that he loves her so—just so she has all the facts before she tells him goodbye again.
Maybe once he does that—he could be okay with their goodbye.
And how, How can I carry on
When I know all the love is gone
Carly enters the church and spots Sonny in the hall outside the bridal chamber. He frowns seeing her there alone.
Sonny’s eyes narrow and he takes a step towards his wife. “Explain. Now.”
She shrugs. “Nothing to explain. Jason doesn’t love your sister. He loves Elizabeth and until he puts that chapter to rest for good, he’ll never move on.”
“He and Elizabeth put that to rest a long time ago,” Sonny replies. “He got my sister pregnant—he needs to marry her.”
“Sonny, this is not the 1950s and Jason does not answer to you in matters of the heart,” Carly retorts. “And as much as I hate it, Elizabeth and Jason will never be over. She makes him happy, Sonny. And I know you realize it.”
“Carly—” Sonny begins heatedly.
“Drop it,” Carly says, sharply. “Jason has sacrificed everything for you. Don’t ask him to give up the one person he loves more than anything else in the world. Don’t you dare ask him to turn his back on his heart.”
Sonny sighs and looks away. “He loves her that much?”
“He loves her almost as much as I love you,” Carly answers. She heads to the bridal door. “I need to tell Courtney.”
Where can I go to get away
From the pain of loving you
Courtney is standing in the middle of the room, wearing a poufy white dress and staring at herself in the mirror.
“Jason’s not coming,” Carly says bluntly.
Courtney turns, her blue eyes a little startled. “What? What do you mean he’s not coming?”
Carly walks forward until they’re separated by only a few feet of space. “He’s not marrying you. He’s left town to find someone.”
Courtney sighs and looks away. “He went after Elizabeth, didn’t he?”
Carly frowns. “How did you know that?” she asks.
Courtney gives her sister-in-law a nasty look. “Who else would Jason abandon me and our child for?”
“Oh, don’t give me that boo-hoo woe-is-me crap. I invented it,” Carly snaps. “You’re not even sure Jason’s the father.”
Courtney pales. “He’s probably the father,” she whispers faintly.
“Probably ain’t good enough,” Carly replies. “Don’t worry—Jason will always provide for his child. He just doesn’t have to marry the mother.” She heads to the door. “Sorry it has to be this way.”
“No you’re not,” Courtney calls after her.
Carly turns and cocks her head to the side. “No. You’re right. I’m not.”
She shuts the door quietly behind her and goes to think about that little realization for a while.
Tell me where
Where can we go from here
All I know is that I love you still
When Elizabeth opens the door the next morning, she wonders if the early morning sun is playing tricks on her. Because she knows that Jason cannot possible be standing in front of her.
He doesn’t say anything, he just looks for her for a while and finally, just when she thinks she can’t handle the silence, he speaks. “I came to tell you something.”
She sighs and looks away. “Jason—we said everything that needed to be said before I left.” Elizabeth frowns suddenly. “Yesterday was your wedding day.”
He shakes his head slowly. “I couldn’t do it. I don’t love her.”
She nibbles on her lower lip as if trying to gage his answer and what it means in regards to her. “But she’s pregnant,” Elizabeth says finally.
“And I don’t have to marry her to be a part of the baby’s life,”Jason said. “Elizabeth—”
“Why are you making this so hard?” she whispers. “I thought we agreed that this was for the best.”
“No,” Jason tells her. “I never wanted to say goodbye. But you wanted to, so I did it. Because I’d do anything for you.”
“Jason—”
“Just let me say what I came here to say and if you—if you still don’t want anything to do with me—all right. I’ll have to accept that. But I refuse to let you go and not tell you.”
“All right,” Elizabeth says, almost sure that there’s nothing Jason can say to fix this—to make her change her mind.
He doesn’t speak at first—takes a deep breath and closes his eyes as if whatever he’s going to say is so mind-boggling and important that he needs to gather his strength. “I love you.”
Sometimes we do things against our will
I know I cry lonely tears
Her hand, still wrapped around the brass doorknob of her apartment door, tightens. She holds on to the door frame with the other hand so that he can’t see how much she is trembling.
Her lips parted and her tongue darted out to moisten her suddenly dry lips. “Jason—”
“I never should have said goodbye without telling you that,” Jason tells her. “I’ve spent far too much time letting you walk away and not telling you how I felt. I didn’t fight for us and I was wrong. I should have let you know how much I loved you and how much you mattered to me and how the rest of my world is different when you’re not there.”
Despite herself and her best judgment, Elizabeth’s eyes soften. “Jason, you can’t just walk in here, tell me you love me and expect to make it all better.”
“I know that,” Jason replies. “I can’t take a magic wand and pretend that the last nine or so months didn’t happen. I can’t go back to September and take back the things I did and I’m sorry. I wish I could. But I can’t change what’s happened.” He takes a deep breath. “But I can change the future. And I can tell you how much I love you and I can tell you how much you matter to me and the rest of my world is different without you.”
“What do you want from me?” Elizabeth asks, quietly. She knows she shouldn’t give in—they’ve said goodbye, a word that between them was supposed to be final—no going back.
And maybe they can’t. Maybe they can’t take that goodbye back. Maybe it was okay to have said it and meant it.
“I want a chance,” Jason tells her. “I’m not asking for anything more concrete than that—just a chance.”
Because sometimes you had to let things go in order to find out how much you really needed them in your life—and how much you were really needed in theirs.
You had to let things go so that they could come back to you.
“All right,” Elizabeth tells him. “Let’s try this again.” He steps forward, unable to contain his smile, but she holds a hand up. “But we have a lot of work to do before this is all okay, Jason. You hurt me. And I hurt you. And we can’t keep doing it over and over again.”
He holds out his hand and Elizabeth studies it. She walked away from it once and regretted it the rest of her life. A few weeks ago, she took it and went with him on a final ride so she could say goodbye.
She’s not sure what she’s agreeing to if she takes it. Going back to Port Charles, staying here? Going somewhere else?
Does it matter?
She slips her small hand in his and gives him a tremulous smile. Maybe—
The only thing I remember about writing this story is that it is the first and only story I ever posted at The Canvas to hit 50 replies. I immediately wrote a sequel, Where Do We Go From Here, and it got like 15. Ha. I also remember sitting in my living room writing this on my old laptop, but it’s really just a memory flash. Other than that, I got nothing.
Timeline
This is stet in June of 2003, but it’s kind of a murky timeline. Jason and Elizabeth have been broken up since October. It looks as if she either never dated Ric or has left him as well. Jason and Courtney are dating.
Banner
Time, sometimes the time just slips away
She stood outside the door, clutching the package wrapped in brown paper. She forced herself to knock, reminding herself that this was a good idea. That it was the right thing to do.
She was going to be calm. She was going to be nice. She was going to be mature about the situation.
The door swung open after a few minutes and he looked at her for a few minutes before saying anything. It’d been months literally since they’d laid eyes on one another. He’d made it his business to carefully avoid the places she frequented and she had actually quit her job, moved to a new apartment just to keep from seeing him.
“Hi,” she said softly. She looked down, away from his gaze.
“Hi,” he replied. He slid his hand down the edge of the door to the knob. “Elizabeth. It’s…it’s been a while.”
“Six months, two weeks and seven days,” Elizabeth told him softly.
“Oh,” Jason replied, a little uncomfortable with having it reeled off so easily. It was actually rather miraculous that they’d managed to live in the same town and go that long without even running into each other.
“I just—” Elizabeth shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I came to give you—” She looked up and met his gaze directly. “I came to give you a wedding present.”
And you’re left with yesterday
Left with the memories
There didn’t seem to be enough air in the entire world for Jason to breathe. He felt like someone had just suckered punched him. He should have known Elizabeth would find out—but for some foolish reason, he’d tried to avoid the idea.
“You didn’t—” Jason shook his head and swallowed hard. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I wanted to,” Elizabeth replied quietly. “We were—we were friends once, and I—friends do things like this for each other. I didn’t get the chance to—when you were married to Brenda—” Elizabeth stopped abruptly and took a deep breath. “I just—I wanted to thank you.”
Jason frowned. “Thank me?” He couldn’t think of one reason for Elizabeth to thank him. Hit him, yell at him—maybe—but thanking him—?
“You saved my life,” Elizabeth replied, simply. “A few times and I just—I wanted to make sure you knew that our friendship was very important to me.”
“It was important to me, too,” Jason told her, feeling the sharp stinging pain of referring to it in the past tense. “And you saved my life, too.”
I, I’ll always think of you and smile
And be happy for the time
Elizabeth blinked back the sudden tears that sprung to her eyes. She looked up at the ceiling and took a deep breath. “I just—be happy, okay?”
He nodded and tried to speak past the lump in his throat. “You, too,” he managed to say. “That’s—that’s all I ever wanted.”
She bit her lip and nodded. “I, um, was invited to the wedding,” Elizabeth said, looking back at him. “But I hope you understand why I can’t come.”
“I do,” Jason replied, wanting so very badly to tell her why he was marrying in the first place but finding himself unable to do it. There were too many people involved—too many people that would be hurt if Jason spoke the truth and he had new responsibilities now. He couldn’t let them down. “Elizabeth—”
“I’m so glad I was part of your life,” Elizabeth whispered. “And I’m so thankful you were in mine.” She held out the package.
Jason took it and as their hands held it together for a split second, she said it.
“Goodbye, Jason.”
She let go and it hung listlessly in his hands. He blinked back the sudden moisture in his own eyes. Goodbye.
She’d never spoken that word before. Not even when she’d walked out of the penthouse or walked away from him in the park.
Elizabeth waited a moment but when he didn’t say anything, she turned away and went to the elevator.
When he heard the ding of the elevator doors closing, he stepped back into the penthouse and stared at the package she’d given him.
All of the other gifts—Courtney had said they were supposed to wait until the wedding, but Jason didn’t want to. Didn’t care about traditions.
He ripped the package off, revealing the canvas underneath. His heart stopped, his stomach dropped.
She’d given him The Wind.
I had you with me
Though we go our separate ways
Elizabeth paused in her methodically packing and looked up at the door. No one came by anymore. Not since Lucky went to London, Nikolas and Gia went off to New York City so she could attend school, or Zander went to Arizona to visit Emily in rehab.
Not since Audrey had died of a sudden massive coronary.
She stood up, shoving a few boxes out of her way and pulled open the heavy door Jason had put in after the kidnapping. Her heart skipped a beat.
“Jason,” she breathed. “What—what are you doing here?”
Jason held up the painting and shook his head. “I can’t take this.”
She frowned and looked down. “Oh. I can understand why you don’t want it. I mean, it’s not that good—”
“No,” Jason cut in. “That’s not it. I do want it.”
“Well, then why can’t you take it?” Elizabeth asked, crossing her arms tightly. It was June but she still felt cold.
“B-because,” Jason stopped, tried to think of how to explain this. How could he tell her he couldn’t take this painting because he couldn’t say goodbye to her? “It’s not something I can take with me.” He met her eyes, recognized the misery he knew was reflected in his. “It’s one I have to come back to.”
Her lower lip trembled at the sound of the familiar words and she mustered the strength to tell him.
“That only works if I’m here,'” she told him quietly. “And I won’t be.” She looked down at the ground. “I’m moving, Jason. I’m leaving Port Charles.”
I won’t forget so don’t forget
The memories we made
He gripped the door frame and took a deep breath. “What—why?”
Elizabeth sighed. “Because I don’t have anything left here,” she said quietly. “My grandmother is dead. I have nothing left tying me here.”
He hated that she was right. He hated the fact that she’d suffered through Audrey’s death alone—her family not even coming for the funeral. He hated that he’d been unable to be there for her.
He’d stood in the back of the church on the day of viewing and watched Elizabeth sit alone in the front pew—the rows of the church filled with colleagues from the hospital and old friends. Some spoke, but no one came near Elizabeth.
He couldn’t understand why they’d profess to miss Audrey but deny Elizabeth comfort in her grief. He’d watched as the people filed out of the church and Elizabeth waited until everyone was gone before her small shoulders started to shake with tears.
He’d wanted to sit next to her and wrap his arms around her, but he didn’t. He didn’t know why he didn’t or what kept him from doing so, but he’d waited until her sobs had quieted before leaving.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just—”
“You what?” Elizabeth asked, tired of the word games they seemed to play these days.
“I can’t say goodbye.”
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
“Sure you can,” Elizabeth said, adopting a sarcastic tone. “You can say it, turn around and walk away.” Her gaze turned angry, her eyes burning a hole right through him. “It’s never stopped you before.”
He flinched, stung. He deserved that. He’d walked away from Elizabeth, left town three times. The third time—he could have called her on the lie that had spilled from her lips about wanting Lucky. But he’d been to stung by her rejection to think clearly and he’d let her walk away.
He’d let her walk away one too many times and now—now she was walking away again.
And he had a miserable feeling that he couldn’t stop her this time.
“I’m sorry,” Jason repeated. “I never should have let you walk out that night.”
“You’re about nine months too late,” Elizabeth remarked.
“I know.” He shifted. “I thought it needed to be said anyway.” He looked away, down the hall. “She’s pregnant.”
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
She blinked. Blinked again. “What?”
“Courtney,” Jason said. “She’s pregnant. That’s why we’re getting married.”
“Oh,” Elizabeth said softly. Courtney Matthews was pregnant with Jason’s baby. She would have his child—a little boy or girl that looked just like him.
Her eyes burned with tears as she stared over his shoulder. How many times had she fantasized about starting a family with Jason? Having his children? Being his wife?
Fantasies. Dreams. That’s all they ever were.
“I was going to break up with her,” Jason continued, bringing Elizabeth back to the present. “I’m not in love with her and I was—I was going to tell her so but—” Jason stopped and sighed.
“She told you she was pregnant,” Elizabeth finished, sadly. She sighed deeply. “Well, congratulations.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, it’s—” Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Jason, it’s over.”
Please remember, please remember me
Goodbye, there’s just no sadder word to say
He shook his head, almost forcibly. “No. I don’t—I refuse to believe that.”
She sighed and studied him with sad, sympathetic eyes. He looked different. His hair was a little longer, there were circles under his eyes and he looked like he’d lost a little weight.
He looked miserable.
“It has to be,” Elizabeth said, softly. “You’re getting married. And you and me—we can’t be friends anymore.”
“Why?” Jason demanded. “Give me one good reason why.”
“Because we don’t remember how to do that,” Elizabeth insisted. “We haven’t been just friends in so long—there’s always going to be more between us and we can’t do that anymore.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Jason, it wouldn’t be fair to Courtney,” Elizabeth said quietly. “And I’m through hurting other people.”
He sighed and looked away. She was right. No matter how much he wanted it—he and Elizabeth could never be just friends.
They had always been more than friends and it wasn’t fair to anyone else involved.
And it’s sad to walk away
With just the memories
“Just say it,” Elizabeth said softly. “Say it and go. Don’t make this harder than it has to be.”
Jason shook his head. “No. I can’t—I let you walk away before and I—I don’t want to do it anymore.”
“It’s too late,” Elizabeth firmly. “I—we can’t go back. You can’t change it.”
“I know that,” Jason said, almost irritated. “But the future—”
“You’re getting married,” Elizabeth said. “You’re marrying Courtney. That’s the future. You’re starting a family and I’m moving out of town.”
“I know. But—”
“But nothing.” Elizabeth’s tone turned gentle. “Look, we—our chance—it’s gone now. Okay? I don’t like it, but it’s reality, Jason. You never used to do this. You never—”
“I never made so many mistakes like this,” Jason argued. “And now, it’s like I can’t stop doing it. One stupid thing after another.” He took a deep breath. “All right. I’ll say it. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it.”
“It is,” Elizabeth lied. “It’s what has to happen.”
Who’s to know what might have been
We’ll leave behind a life and time
I’ll never know again
“Come with me,” Jason said suddenly. He set the canvas down, just inside the door and stretched his hand out.
Elizabeth blinked back more tears at the sight of the familiar pose—she’d turned it down once before.
“Jason—”
“Just for a little while.” He didn’t let his hand fall to his side, kept it hanging in the air. “If we’re—if we’re going to say goodbye, let me do it right.”
Curiously, Elizabeth took his hand and let him lead her out of the apartment. He paused while she locked the door.
He led her down the stairs, out of the door and to the alley where she stopped suddenly.
It’d been more than two years since she’d been this close to his motorcycle. And it seemed fitting to end their friendship the same it had begun.
With a ride.
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
He handed her the helmet but she shook her head. “I don’t want to wear it,” Elizabeth told him. “I can’t feel the wind on my face with it on.”
Jason hesitated but nodded. “All right.” He put the helmet back on the side of the bike and got on. He put the key in the ignition and started it. Elizabeth straddled the seat and wrapped her arms around his waist tightly.
“If—” Jason stopped and took a deep breath. He forced himself to finish the first words he’d ever said to her before a ride. “If you don’t like something, just yell.”
Elizabeth didn’t bother to blink the tears back this time. He couldn’t see them anywhere. The tears slid down her face and she leaned her face on his back, turned it sideways, letting her cheek rest on his t-shirt.
Jason pulled away from the alley, trying to ignore the warm tears seeping through the shirt.
And remember, Please remember me
Please remember, please remember
I was there for you
And you were there for me
Her tears only lasted for a few minutes. As if recognizing her misery, he took up the cliff roads first. He went fast—just like she liked it and took the turns even faster. He drove the roads twice—he contemplating just riding out of Port Charles altogether.
The idea was tempting—just taking Elizabeth and running away from everything. He knew if he removed the other people in their lives, they would have made it.
But he knew that idea wouldn’t work. She was right. No matter how much he didn’t want it to be true—
The day he’d never wanted to come was here.
It was time to say goodbye.
Please remember, our time together
The time was yours and mine
While we were wild and free
He pulled the bike to a stop at familiar place. The statues where they’d tried it before. She said they couldn’t see each other and asked him to take her home.
Elizabeth got off the bike and crossed her arms. She walked over to the statue of the girl and studied her.
Jason silently turned off the bike and swung her leg over the side. He stood a few feet behind Elizabeth.
“She’s not smiling,” she murmured. She turned around and looked at him. “I never came back up here, you know.”
“Why not?” Jason asked. “You seemed to like it before.”
“It didn’t seem right,” Elizabeth replied. “I didn’t want to come alone and I didn’t want to bring anyone else.”
Then remember, please remember me
“I should have brought you back up here once I came back last year,” Jason said. “I should have done a lot a things differently.”
“It’s not your fault,” Elizabeth remarked. “I’m not completely blameless. I made mistakes—I hurt you, I know that.” She sighed and looked back to the statue. “I just wish—”
When she didn’t continue, he took a step towards her. “What?”
Her eyes were glittering with tears. “I wish we weren’t a regret. I wish we could have had a real chance.”
His eyes softened and he touched her face, cupped her cheek. She leaned into his touch, much the way she had that night in the penthouse.”
And how we laugh and how we smile
And how this heart was yours and mine
And how a dream was out of reach
I stood by you, you stood by me
Her warm tears splashed his hand and he took another step towards. “So do I,” Jason said softly. “I wish I had tried.”
He leaned down and brushed her lips gently. Elizabeth sighed, her mouth opening up to him. The kiss was both passionate and gentle. It was bittersweet, since it would more than likely be their last.
He changed the angle of the kiss, his other hand coming up to thread through her hair. Her hands clutched at his back, fisted in his maroon t-shirt.
He didn’t want to stop kissing her. Didn’t want to break contact. Because then he’d have to take her home and say goodbye.
We took each day and made it shine
We wrote our names across the sky
Finally, he raised his head and stepped away. Elizabeth let go and touched his face. When her thumb caressed his cheek, he realized that a few tears had escaped his eyes.
“I think we’d better go,” she whispered.
He nodded wordlessly.
He let her drive back to her apartment.
We ride so fast, we ride so free
And I knew that you had me
She stepped in front of her apartment door and opened it. She leaned in and pulled The Wind. “I really want you to have this,” Elizabeth said, holding it out to him.
He took it this time. “All right.”
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “Goodbye, Jason.”
He leaned in and kissed her forehead before taking a large step back. His eyes locked on hers.
“Goodbye, Elizabeth.”
He waited a moment and walked down the hall. When Elizabeth heard his footsteps fade, she sagged against the doorjamb and started to cry.
Inspiration
I spent the majority of Fall and early Winter 2002 reuniting Jason and Elizabeth. It’s not surprise I barely remember writing most of them, LOL. I will say I was easily inspired by songs and this is one of my favorite all-time Celine Songs.
Timeline
This is set in late January of 2003. At this point, Jason and Brenda’s murder trial had concluded and his relationship with Courtney was public. Elizabeth had begun seeing Ric. Looking at this story now, I think maybe I wrote it before the murder trial got underway because this has Jason not being on trial at all and he was, LOL. Anyway, it’s set around the anniversary of Ruby Anderson’s death. Ruby had managed Kelly’s from the 1980s until her death in January 1999. She hired Elizabeth.
Banner
There’s so much life I’ve left to live
And this fire is burning still
She sat by herself after closing one night shortly before the end of January. The snow was falling softly outside and the diner was silent save for the small sounds of her tears.
The Alcazar murder trial had ended earlier that month—Brenda Barrett had been found guilty of second-degree murder. On her way to Pentonville, the prison van was stopped and she managed to escape. It was rumored that her husband had spirited her out of the country, but Jason Morgan had made a big show of going out to dinner with Sonny Corinthos that night with his wife Carly and sister Courtney.
Jasper Jacks, however, disappeared around the same time as Brenda. They’d put all points bulletins out on both, but with Brenda’s connections and Jax’s fortune, it was doubtful that they would be found unless they wanted to be.
Life had gone on as normally as it ever would in Port Charles. Skye Quartermaine filed for divorce, citing abandonment. Jason obtained his annulment and his relationship with Courtney Quartermaine became more public, only fueling the misery and bitterness of her estranged husband, AJ.
When I watch you look at me
I think I could find the will
Sonny and Carly seemed to be stronger than ever and seemed content to ignore their lawyer’s strange behavior. Elizabeth didn’t care if Ric Lansing sometimes had strange dreams about explosions or muttered strange names in his sleep. He made her laugh.
And there were few people in her world that made her laugh these days. She’d stay with anyone as long as they didn’t make her cry.
Anyway, besides the occasional date with Ric, Elizabeth was pretty much on her own. Nikolas and Gia were busy arguing over law school and the wedding, Zander was always working and Lucky was busy with his father and Laura Spencer’s look-alike, Summer.
The reason she was sitting alone in Kelly’s that evening had nothing to do with any of that. It was the three-year mark. Ruby Anderson, the woman who had seen fit to hire Elizabeth over five years ago and keep her on—despite Elizabeth’s incompetence as a waitress—she’d died three years ago today.
To stand for every dream
And forsake this solid ground
Elizabeth and Ruby hadn’t always gotten along during the two and half years they’d worked together, but they’d gained a healthy respect for one another. After her rape, Ruby had afforded her all the time off she needed with no questions asked. She’d thought the younger woman was a wonderful influence on her nephew, Lucky.
And sometimes Elizabeth missed her. They could call it Ruby’s Chili all they wanted, but it wasn’t the same and people could tell. Kelly’s wasn’t the same without the fiery proprietor. Tammy had been a good friend and Elizabeth had enjoyed working for her and of course, Bobbie was always great to be around. But they weren’t Ruby.
And tonight, for some reason, when Bobbie had reminded them of the day, it had saddened Elizabeth. So, here she sat, nearly an hour after Kelly’s had closed—and she was crying.
And give up this fear within
Of what would happen if they ever knew
I’m in love with you
He’d tried to be a little unhappy when Courtney had told him her decision that evening, but he was pretty sure the feeling was more of relief than disappointment.
“I really—I really care about you Jason—but I love AJ. And I—I can’t just turn that off because I want to. I owe it to myself to give him one last chance.”
Jason had told her he understood, wished her happiness and he’d left the loft he rented for the last time. She was moving out the next day anyway. Although she’d given up her and AJ’s old apartment, she and AJ were going to move into a larger and nice apartment in a better part of town.
It’d been nice while it lasted – it’d been nice to be around someone and know that nothing was at stake, that he wasn’t risking anything to be with them. No one had really known about their relationship outside a small circle of people and he preferred it that way.
‘Cause I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
He regretted that Elizabeth was one of those people—he was never quite sure how she’d known for sure. The guilt had been so immense on both their parts that he and Courtney had made efforts to keep it especially hidden from her. At least, he had. Sometimes he wasn’t so sure about Courtney.
If Jason really wanted to be honest with himself, he’d admit that Courtney’s love for AJ wasn’t the only reason his relationship with her had failed. It’d been his feelings for Elizabeth that ultimately held him back.
Everything between the two of them was messy—the breakup had been messy, the subsequent meetings afterward had been full of misunderstandings. They’d pulled away from each other. They had both been running scared.
He missed his best friend. He missed the way she’d laugh, the way her eyes would sparkle after a night ride on the cliff roads, the way she bit her lower lip, the way she babbled—
He missed everything about Elizabeth Webber.
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
He stood outside in the courtyard as the snow fell around him. He watched through the window as she sat, curled up in a chair, her face tear stained. He wondered what had made her cry—was it a fight with her grandmother? No, Jason knew that couldn’t be it. Audrey Hardy had left shortly after Christmas for a six month vacation in Hawaii. Elizabeth, Sarah and an older brother Jason had never met had chipped to send their grandmother to paradise.
Elizabeth hadn’t told him that—Jason had heard it from Courtney who thought it was the sweetest thing over.
Was it Lucky or Luke Spencer? Jason knew Elizabeth had renewed her friendship with the Spencer family, but he hadn’t seen either around town lately. He didn’t think they’d be the reason she cried.
His fists clenched involuntarily and he wondered if it was his lawyer, Ric, who had made her cry. There’d be no where that man could hide if he’d hurt Elizabeth, Jason decided. He hadn’t liked Ric Lansing the second he’d laid eyes on him and liked him even less the first time he’d seen Elizabeth and Ric together.
Instead of standing out here like a fool, wondering what had made her cry—he could go in and find out.
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
She heard the door swing open before she saw it. She looked up and frowned a little when she saw Jason standing hesitantly in the door way.
Normally, she’d be on her feet, keeping her face from view as she hid her tears. She’d be asking why he was here, so late after closing.
But tonight, she stared at him and made no attempts to hide the tears. He was probably there to pick up the sweater Courtney had left there that day.
He walked inside, letting the door shut behind him. In two strides, he was in front of her. He crouched down to meet her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, cursing himself for asking such a stupid question. Of course she wasn’t okay.
She thought about giving him the normal answer. Yes, of course I’m fine. I just got something in my eyes. He wouldn’t know she was lying—he never did anymore.
Instead, she slowly shook her head. “No,” she answered. “In all honesty, I haven’t been okay for a long time.”
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
“What’s wrong?” Jason asked, rocking back on his heels.
Then and only then did she wipe away her tears. Using the back of her head, she swiped at them and sighed. “Bobbie reminded me that today was the anniversary of Ruby’s death. Ruby used to own—”
“I know,” Jason cut in swiftly. “I remember.” He paused. “I’m sorry.”
“Me, too,” Elizabeth said quietly. She looked past him, towards the silent jukebox. “Sometimes days and weeks go by and I don’t even think of her, you know? But I’ll hear something she used to say or Courtney—” Elizabeth hesitated but only for a minute. “Courtney will remind me so much of how I used to be when I first started—and I try to remember how much patience Ruby had with me. I was such a horrible waitress back then. I must have dropped every other dish for at least a month. She nearly fired me a dozen times.”
“Why didn’t she?” Jason asked, almost relishing this conversation that felt so much like the old days. She would be upset, he’d find a way to get her to open up and she’d feel better.
Things used to be so simple.
I know I can’t survive
Another night away from you
“I have no idea,” Elizabeth admitted. “I think Lucky stuck up for me a lot since—” her cheeks flushed. “I was usually watching him when I broke the dishes,” she admitted.
Jason chuckled, thinking of the much younger Elizabeth and the massive crush she’d admitted she’d had on Lucky when she’d first moved here. “Sounds like something Lucky would have done.”
She sighed and stared at her hands. “I miss her sometimes. We were never all that close, but—she gave me my first real shot. She was the first person that believed in me, even if it was just because Lucky convinced her to.”
“She did make a mean bowl of chili,” Jason replied.
Elizabeth laughed then, the first time she’d laughed with him since—
It probably wasn’t a good sign that he couldn’t remember the last time she’d laughed.
You’re the reason I go on
And now I need to live the truth
It struck her then—that they were doing something they hadn’t done almost since he’d returned last summer. They were sitting in Kelly’s and talking—being honest with each other.
Not holding anything back.
She’d forgotten how much she’d missed that.
“Thanks,” Elizabeth said softly. “I feel better now that I’ve talked to you.” She met his eyes. “Just like I used to.”
The air had changed around them—the mood had shifted and they both knew it. They were no longer talking about Ruby Anderson and how much Elizabeth missed her.
They were talking about their friendship and how far off track it had gone.
Right now, there’s no better time
From this fear I will break free
“Do you ever get tired of running?” Jason asked quietly. He shifted from his crouching position and sat in a chair next to hers.
Elizabeth sighed and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “I think I must have run twenty marathons,” she murmured. “I’m so tired, Jason. I’ve been running so long that I don’t even remember why I started or what I’m running from.”
“The day I left the penthouse—the day Sonny faked his death,” Jason said, struggling to get the words out. Struggling to tell her the truth—the truth he’d kept to himself. “I started running then and I haven’t even stopped to breathe.”
She smiled at him—a sad smile full of nostalgia and wistfulness. “Sometimes Jason—I think we’re more alike we give ourselves credit for.”
And I’ll live again with love
And no they can’t take that away from me
And they will see—
He stood then and she raised her head to look at him. Probably going home to Courtney, she thought bitterly. Always a blonde. Just once—could someone leave me for a redhead?
Instead, he held out his hand. “Come on.”
Elizabeth dropped her feet to the ground. Even as she asked, “Where are we going?” she was putting her and in his and letting him pull her to her feet.
Jason gave her a tiny half-smile then and shrugged. “Nowhere.”
Involuntarily, the tears she’d just hidden sprang to the surface and her vision blurred a little. “I could go for that,” she said softly.
I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
They rode for nearly two hours—he took her up and down the cliff roads, down the street that inspired her painting of The Wind. He went fast, took the turns even faster and they both ignored the biting cold.
She screamed on the turns—so much he thought she’d lose her voice. She laughed, throwing her head back, her hair flying all around her. Neither of them wore helmets—he never did and she’d convinced him to let her go without one—just this one time.
He finally headed in one destination—the old stone bridge out of town. The bike coasted to a stop and he turned off the engine. She didn’t let go of him right away—relished the feeling of being this close to him for the first time in months.
But finally, she sat up, unwound her arms from his waist and stood up. “I’ve really missed that,” Elizabeth admitted. She wondered if Courtney had been on the bike—if she loved it as much as Elizabeth did.
If Jason preferred Courtney on the bike.
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
“I’ve missed it too,” Jason confessed. She looked down at him and with a heavy sigh, he got off the bike. “It’s been almost two years.”
“I can’t believe you’ve been home since May and this is the first chance we’ve had to go,” Elizabeth replied, putting her hands in the pockets of her black winter jacket.
“I asked you and you didn’t want to go,” Jason reminded her. For once, he didn’t feel the bitterness that accompanied the feeling. She hadn’t wanted to go because of Zander. And he didn’t feel anything about that anymore. He was just lightly teasing her.
“Well, I asked you, too,” Elizabeth replied, giving him a small smile. “Remember?” She shrugged and started walking towards the bridge. “But you said it was too dangerous.”
We’d make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
“It was,” Jason insisted. She faltered in her steps and turned around, her face pale.
“Let me get this straight,” she said softly. “It’s too dangerous for you to be with me—but it’s all right for Courtney?”
And there it was. The name. The name of the woman they’d both been avoiding talking about.
“You told me over and over and over again,” Elizabeth continued, her eyes glowing with anger and frustration. “It was too dangerous. It was never going to be over. You drummed it in my head so many times I got sick of hearing the words.”
“Elizabeth—” Jason tried to cut in. To explain that he was talking about another type of danger all together. It wasn’t dangerous with Courtney. Nothing was at stake.
But she was on a roll—saying words she’d only been feeling for the past few months. “But then again, it really shouldn’t surprise me. You were willing to do anything for her. You guarded her personally—spent every waking moment with her while leaving me alone in a penthouse with a guard. You never talked to me, you’d come and go and I’d never even know you were there!” Her eyes filled with tears and try as though she might, she couldn’t hold them back. They spilled over her lashes and streamed down her cheeks. “You’d think I’d get the hint. But I’ve never been that good as seeing things right in front of my face.”
I’d make you give them all to me
I’d hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. He stood there, frozen to the ground. How could she think that—that what he felt for Courtney in any way measured up to his feelings for Elizabeth?
She walked towards him and then passed him. “I want to go home.”
He turned around, reached out and grabbed her arm. “Elizabeth—”
“Take me home,” she repeated. “I don’t—I can’t do this anymore.” She struggled to pull her arm out of his firm grasp.
“I’m not taking you anywhere until you listen to me,” Jason said firmly. He shook his head. “We’re doing it again.”
Elizabeth stopped moving and stared up at him. “What?”
“I’m tired of running,” he said simply. “And I’m tired of watching you walk away.”
Every night’s getting longer
And this fire is getting stronger, baby
He let go of her arm and she took a step back. “It was too dangerous to be with you,” Jason said.
“Damn it—” Elizabeth began. Jason surprised her by pressing two fingers against her lips.
“Will you just let me explain?” he asked quietly. She nodded wordlessly and he let his hand fall back to his side. He took a deep breath and met her eyes, determined not to break the eye contact first.
“I know I let you believe I was talking about my job,” Jason said. “And part of me still thinks that’s true. But you know me. You know I would never make that decision for you.”
“Then what?” she asked softly.
“I was talking about me,” Jason answered. “It was too dangerous for me to be with you.”
I’ll swallow my pride and I’ll be alive
Can’t you hear my call
I surrender all
Elizabeth’s brow furrowed in confusion and she took a step back. “What?” she asked, startled. Too dangerous for him? What did that mean?
“I don’t—I don’t trust people easily,” Jason told her. “I don’t open up and I think you know that. But with you—it was almost too easy. I’ve talked about Michael with you. Talked about losing him and how it felt to be his father. I’ve never said that to anyone.” He took a deep breath. “And because I opened up to you so soon, so easily—so much—it was easier for you to hurt me.”
And boy, had she. Elizabeth squeezed her eyes shut. First with Lucky, then with Zander and then leaving him.
“I’m not saying that to make you feel guilty,” Jason hurried to assure her. “I’m just stating a fact.”
She forced down her guilt and opened her eyes. “I know,” Elizabeth said softly.
“After Zander—I didn’t—” He licked his lips nervously and tried to continue. Told himself that he needed to be honest with her. “I didn’t want to let you do that again. Have that power anymore.”
I’d surrender everything
To feel the chance to live again
“I tried to push you away,” Jason said. “I did everything I could. I was mean to you; I purposely walked away all those times. I told you I couldn’t be friends with you anymore. But you—you—” He smiled a little, despite himself. “You didn’t seem to cooperate.”
Without thinking, he touched her face. “You never did want to give up when I wanted to.”
“I told you,” Elizabeth said, her voice a little shaky. “You can’t just drop out of my life. I’d miss you too much.”
“So—I gave in,” Jason continued. “I promised you that I would try. That I’d respect you, listen to you and be honest with you. I don’t like to make promises unless I know I can keep them. And I really—I really thought I could do it.” He stopped took a deep breath. He wanted to look away, but forced himself to continue the eye contact. “But I didn’t. I lied to you.”
I reach to you
I know you can feel it too
“Jason—” Elizabeth tried to cut in, but he shook his head.
“I’m not finished,” he replied. “I lied. And I knew I was doing it. So I did what I could to avoid you. I couldn’t lie to your face and I couldn’t—I couldn’t tell you the truth. No matter how much I wanted to—I couldn’t.”
“That’s why you never came home?” Elizabeth asked. “It wasn’t because—”
“No, it wasn’t because I didn’t want to see you. I would sit at the safe house with Sonny or Brenda and I’d think about you. I’d wonder if you were playing pool or drawing—thinking of you—knowing you were safe—it helped me get through it.”
“And I just left,” Elizabeth said, the self-loathing evident in her voice. “I am so sorry—”
“I don’t blame you for doing it,” Jason cut in. “I didn’t try to stop you. I let you walk away. I did it because I thought if I gave you some space—if I let you try and calm down, I thought maybe you’d be able to—” He shook his head. “I don’t know how I really justified it to myself, but I did. And I never told you how much I missed you.”
We’ll make it through
A thousand dreams I still believe
“And then everything went crazy,” Jason said after a few moments of silence. “The thing with Courtney’s stalker—it gave me something to think about so I wouldn’t have to think about you. And I didn’t think you’d come back to me, anyway. I thought you were—moving on. You were friends with Lucky again. You’d left town to help him.”
“And you married Brenda,” Elizabeth said. “I know why you did it. And I even understand it a little. She was sick, and needed someone to take care of her.”
“Right,” Jason answered. “And I thought I didn’t have any other reason.” He took a deep breath. “I came to you to tell you that the marriage was going to be over, because we’d found out she wasn’t sick and she didn’t need me any more.”
“And I shot you down,” Elizabeth said, sighing ruefully. “I don’t—”
“That was my fault,” Jason cut in. “You asked me if it was because I wanted another chance. It was blunt, straight-forward and to the point.” He clenched his fists. “And it scared the crap out of me. Because I did. But I backtracked—I ran. And you did, too. I don’t blame you, Elizabeth. We both did it. We’ve both been running.”
I’ll make you give them all to me
I’ll hold you in my arms and never let go
I surrender
Right here, right now
I give my life to live again
Elizabeth bit her lip and looked away. “What about Courtney?” she asked finally. “Why was it too dangerous for you and me, but not with her?”
“Because I never let her in,” Jason said, firmly. “She didn’t know me, Elizabeth. She didn’t understand me. She tried—and when she did a little, she didn’t want to be with me.” He took a deep breath. “She told me she was going back to AJ tonight and that’s fine with me.”
“But you did care about her,” Elizabeth said.
“Yes,” Jason admitted. “But it wasn’t enough. Because no matter how much I cared about her, I didn’t love her.” He stopped. No more running, he told himself again. Lay out all the cards. “I love you.”
Elizabeth stopped breathing. “W-what?” she asked, even though she’d heard him loud and clear the first time.
“I love you. Courtney and I never would have worked because despite everything—” Jason shrugged a little. Every time he said the words, they became a little easier. “I’m still in love with you.”
I’ll break free, take me
My everything, I surrender all to you
After a few moments of nearly unbearable silence in which Jason forced himself not to look away from her, she exhaled slowly. “Yeah—I know what you mean.” She smiled. “Because no matter how much Ric makes me laugh or how nice he is to me—he’s not you.” She touched his face; let her fingers trail over his lips. “Because despite everything, I’m still in love with you, too.”
He stepped closer to her; she tilted her face up to keep their eyes on each other. Not once since Jason had started speaking had they looked away. It was a new beginning for the both of them.
He bent down and brushed his lips over hers. When he pulled away, Elizabeth gripped the sides of his jacket to keep him close and she kissed him again.
Right now
I give my life to live again
I’ll break free, take me
They stood there for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, the snow falling down around them.
Somehow, despite everything—they’d found their way back.
